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biteofnews · 5 years ago

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Best Way to Lose Tummy Fat

Stomach fat is a stubborn, unsightly beast. It’s dangerous. Even when you’re a pot belly raises your chances of being hit by a myocardial infarction, stroke or diabetes mellitus.

Snatch a measuring tape and fold it over your body just underneath your belly button. In case the number’s 94cm (37in) or more, it’s time to take action.

While you’ll find lots of hints about the internet to assist you to lose stomach fat, they’re merely that — hints. To make a change, and fast, you need to eat healthily but additionally be in a shortage, in which you consume a higher number of calories than you take in. And the easiest way to do that is to work out.

What causes belly fat?

1. Stress

It’s for ages been believed that stress bodily hormone cortisol is a major contributing factor for females that store fat around their middle. Researchers at Yale University found that women, who underwent significant levels of stress and were otherwise ‘slender,’ were far more prone to have stomach fat.

They were much more in danger of developing diabetes mellitus or heart issues.

‘The very first thing I would look at is discovering what your main stressor is in life and fixing which’ advises Lee. ‘We’re never going to avoid stress completely, so we will need to become good at controlling your stresses it. ’

2. Bad sleep

‘If sleep is an issue then that’s the first thing. It’s about quality more than quantity — you might be getting eight broken hours of sleep or five hours of quality sleep, but the latter is far beneficial for you.

‘Sleep can have an impact on almost everything within the entire body, from the food you crave to your capability to recover from workout routines.

3. Inadequate nutrition

‘In case your sleep’ so great, then next address your nutrition. Are you regularly ingesting foods that place pressure on the body? Particular foods — unhealthy foods and sugar, to name the main offenders — as well as gluten or dairy, can be a strain for the entire body if consumed too frequently.

‘Eventually, if your nutrition is on stage, but you still have belly fat, then you have to take a look at your practice. There’s a real craze for high-intensity workout routines and pushing yourself at the moment, but training is a strain on the human body, and should you’re not giving it the tools to manage stress and recover from it, then it can lead things such as excess stomach fat.

How to Lose Tummy fat

1. Avoid Foods That Cause Belly Fat

Diet to Lose Belly Fat Sugar If you would like to know how to get level stomach, there are many foods you should be avoiding.

The best diet to lose stomach fat involves phasing these foods outside by filling your diet with the healthy ingredients in our “Top Foods That Burn Belly Fat.”

Processed Food, all of the processed food, will only pack on stomach fat and make you unhealthy. Try to remove all of the prepackaged, preservative-filled junk from your diet and replace it with whole foods.

Sugar and Sugar Substitutes – it all, Yep! Attempt to get the sweet fix from nature, and fruit is a fantastic alternative to traditional sugar, that is only going to turn into more fat. Even worse sugar will make you sick and tell your body to keep on fat. Go to all natural whenever possible. Attempt to remove or decrease sugar in your favorite recipes, instead use mixed fruit.

Carbohydrates – Not all them, but try to cut many carbs you eat by half. Refined carbohydrates are the worst culprits: white bread, pasta, and bread. So try swapping for any natural whole grain versions.

Rather than having a sandwich have a half sandwich and salad. Small fluctuations will show massive results!

Fats – I am speaking about the foods that are fried, heavy buttery dishes and cuts of meat like bacon. You do not need me to tell you these are packaging on the stomach fat, do you?! Swap fried out for baked, use olive oil or coconut oil when cooking and select for lean protein which will help you take the excess belly fat!

Alcohol – Empty calories carbohydrates and loads of sugar, oh my! Seeking to get rid of this beer belly?

Then put the beer down a friend. Carbohydrates and all those additional calories aren’t helping your attempts. And if you are a lover of the drink that is mixed, holy molly the calories and sugar in those mixers are severely hindering your weight reduction efforts!

2-Do Exercises That Help You Lose Belly Fat.

Bear in mind that to lose stomach fat, calories need to be burned as well. Try these exercises to lose stomach fat actually to get that weight off fast.

Lose Belly Fat Interval Exercise – Stage exercise is perfect for reducing stomach fat, little explosions of hardcore exercise aids in with reduced intensity exercise will keep your body guessing, increase your heartbeat speed burning more calories, and mainly increase fat-burning! Therefore, how do you exercise interval exercise? It is easy, say you enjoy walking outside in your neighborhood; keep up your regular run for a full minute for every ten minutes of use.

Give it your all and kick ass, then back to walking and so on. You may do that in most exercise if you swim, your game for a full minute every ten minutes of use. In case this remains vague: To the first 9 minutes of exercise as regular, on moment 10 give it 90%-100% and truly buckle down, at that point down to appropriate preparing to the next 9 minutes, and back up for one increasingly minute before chilling off and extending.

Pilates – Pilates is one of the best core exercises accessible to lose stomach fat quickly and my current favorite. It involves small movements all centered on the core power which anyone at any ability and any age could do. If you can afford it try a Pilates reformer class, otherwise a Pilates mat class at the gym or an online video can help you tone up that belly and feel fantastic!

We also adore yoga hooping along with the fantastic Abs of Steel, video and trust me the outfits at the video of 1990 will increase the cardio aspect from laughter alone. There is also a multitude of videos online, find one you enjoy and may stick to it every few days and you will be toning as you shed the unwanted belly fat.

3-Eat foods that burn belly fat

With regards to weight reduction, your diet is much more essential that workout, and also for stomach fat weight reduction, exercise is very important, so that is saying a good deal! We’ll go in the exercise aspect below, but for the time being here are the top stomach fat-burning foods:

Eggs – saturated in lean protein, eggs can keep your cravings in check, so you will eat less and lose belly fat faster. Some research has shown that eating proteins will helps you lose belly fat.

Beans – with regards to eating food to lose stomach fat, beans are nature’s present to humanity.

They’re the ideal equalization of protein and carbs plus they keep you full of hours. Black beans, kidney, lentils, chickpea, and the cannellini are all good options.

Nuts and Seeds – Not just keep you complete, but the healthy protein may also help you shed weight and even increase your metabolism. Almonds, walnuts, macadamia, cashews, pistachios, chia seeds, and berry seeds are good examples.

Leafy Greens – Assist you to feel satisfied longer, increase your metabolic process and turn off your desire receptors. You may eat less and lose excess stomach fat by merely growing your green vegetables. They are low in calories and high in fiber, which makes them the perfect weight reduction food.

Not a lover? Try one of those tasty green smoothies. Examples include bok choy, kale, spinach, romaine lettuce, arugula, chard, and mustard green.

Citrus Fruit – Another major metabolic process booster, so much good for you vitamin c and so easy to work in your diet. Squeeze a lemon, lime, orange, or any three fruits in your water and sip daily. Love an orange instead of your sweet snack, or grapefruit whenever you crave sour candy.

4-Do does not skip meals!

Skipping even one meal can decrease your capability to lose belly fat. I know you think by skipping a meal you’re consuming fewer calories and for that reason, the weight should come out faster, but it’ll make weight reduction that much harder. So stop skipping meals and eat smarter.

5. Consider Your Monthly Cycle.

Also, it plays a part in weight reduction and belly fat! From the chocolate cravings to anxiety and sleep we tend to weigh great pounds more Cut yourself some slack and plan. Permit yourself a couple of squares of dark chocolate every day, hope to think about somewhat more and don’t be disheartened when you venture on the scale, hell, just put that thing without end for seven days!

6-Avoid Anxiety.

When humans get worried, their bodies create a bodily hormone called Cortisol. It is essential for survival as it helps your body to mount a stress response.

It goes for men as well as women, but women have a tendency to hold onto more anxiety, and for that reason, it impacts weight loss more. Stress and lack of sleep go hand at hand, attempt to clean your head following a long day with a hot bath, a fantastic book or attempt a little yoga and meditation.

7-Get More Sleep!

I’ll be the very first to admit. I do not get sufficient sleep each night, being a mother and businesswoman I merely don’t. Occasionally I do not sleep because my head is active, other times it is because I am stressed and it is only my crazy schedule. But sleep is essential to get rid of stomach fat and wellness.

Endeavor to get between 7-9 hours of rest each night, and sure it’s not going always to happen but attempt sweetie. Set a sleep schedule, go to bed in the same time and wake up at the same time, after a while, your body will get it and will take over, you know what I am talking about. Like whenever wake up on a Saturday morning at the same time as your alarm would have gone off at throughout the workweek.

Also read: Best Nutritious Foods for Healthy Skin

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mysydneymemories-blog · 5 years ago

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No longer do you have to feel left out or uncool for being sober

Anonymous? Hardly. No longer is the topic of sobriety confined to discreet meetings in church halls over plastic foam cups of lukewarm Maxwell House. For these New Abstainers, sobriety is a thing to be, yes, toasted over $15 artisanal mocktails at alcohol-free nights at chic bars around the country, or at "sober-curious" yoga retreats, or early-morning dance parties for those with no need to sleep off the previous night's bender. For these New Abstainers, sobriety is a thing to be, yes, toasted over $15 artisanal mocktails at alcohol-free nights at chic bars. Many will tell you they never had a drinking problem. They just had a problem with drinking. The 'Gray Area' The simple act of waving off wine at a dinner party used to be interpreted as a tacit signal that you were in recovery, "on the wagon," unless you were visibly pregnant or had known religious objections. That was fine if you identified as an alcoholic. But what about people like Ruby Warrington, 43, a British style journalist in New York who spent her early career quaffing gratis cocktails at industry events, only to regret the groggy mornings, stumbles and embarrassing texts that have long been considered part of the bargain with so-called normal drinking? Loading After moving to New York in 2012, Warrington tried 12-step programs briefly but decided that "Ruby, alcoholic" was not the person she saw in the mirror. Three years ago she started Club Soda NYC, an event series for other "sober curious," as she termed them: young professionals who were "kind-of-just-a-little-bit-addicted-to-booze." These gatherings featured panels on topics like "Sex, Lies, and Alcohol" as well as New Age icebreaker activities like "deep-eye gazing" and Kundalini disco. "It just felt to me like there was a huge gray area and a much wider acknowledgment now of the different categories of problem drinking," Warrington said. She wrote a book called Sober Curious that was published in 2018, started a podcast and has staged subsequent Sober Curious events for what she calls the "Soho House crowd" at places like the Kripalu wellness retreat in Massachusetts, where participants also engage in heart-baring, 12-step-style testimonials. Their fellow travelers band together at early-morning sober Daybreaker raves, held in 25 cities around the country. Loading Then there are the more than 18,000 Facebook followers of a nonprofit called Sober Movement, which promotes sobriety "as a lifestyle," who post smiling pictures of themselves cartwheeling in the surf or rocking ripped, beer-binge-free abs, appended with hashtags like #soberissexy, #partysober and #endthestigma. Online, sobriety has become "the new black," asserts a recovery site called, yes, Hip Sobriety. Some not willing to eschew liquor completely are trying what Rosamund Dean, Warrington's compatriot, called "Mindful Drinking" in a 2017 book: a half-measure approach to sobriety where you drink less and perhaps think about it more. "People invest so much of their identity in their lifestyle choices, and it's the same with drinking," Dean wrote in an email. "Everyone is either a wine-guzzling party animal or a clean-living health freak. Personally, I believe the middle ground is the healthiest place to be." 'Rules, No!' It started five years ago as a dare: go a month without drinking (a concept that has flourished in Britain and beyond, with Dry January). "As someone who doesn't really go on diets and cleanses, I didn't go into this challenge with the best attitude," said Lorelei Bandrovschi, 32, an erstwhile branding consultant in Brooklyn. "I was like, 'rules, no! Restrictions, no!'" A half-decade later, that challenge has become a second career. Bandrovschi runs Listen Bar, an alcohol-free bar open one night a month downstairs at Von, a bar in Manhattan. It's not that she is sober, exactly. "I do drink, but I also mostly don't drink," she said. Listen Bar promises a "rowdy" time, hard to imagine via an alcohol-free cocktail called a Ghost Me Maybe, consisting of grapefruit, rosemary and Thomas Henry slim tonic. Where is the buzz, to use that 1990s, Tina Brown, Manhattan-a-go-go word? People invest so much of their identity in their lifestyle choices, and it's the same with drinking. "'Buzz' is an interesting word, because we have so much buzz and hype from people being excited," Bandrovschi said. Anyway, Listen Bar tries to compensate for liquor-fueled abandon with activities like dominatrix lessons ($15) and a spinning "daredevil wheel" that prompts attendees to get out of their comfort zone by, say, trying a high-fashion catwalk around the room. On a recent night, the crowd skewed young and female, and the general vibe recalled an office holiday party, minus any leers from sloppy Sam in accounting. Dry Gets Juicy And while we're talking about today's options. ... It starts with a tingle of citrus, with notes of hibiscus and orange peel, then swells with a hint of syrupy bitterness, which, along with its blood-red color, calls to mind a negroni. In place of the familiar ethanol kick, though, High Rhode, the creation of a New York distiller called Kin, delivers licorice, gentian root and caffeine, along with Goop-ish additions like "nootropics" and "adaptogens" and a priceless mixture of sensuality and virtue. She calls her spirits "euphorics," and, in a sense, High Rhode is to liquor what CBD is to marijuana. "We weren't interested in making another bubbly water or a flavored 'mockery,' just as we weren't interested in drinking them at our favorite bars," said Jen Batchelor, 34, founder of Kin, issuing a subtle dig at the reviled term "mocktail.""We wanted to feel more, not less to wake up fresh and ready to take on the day, in full consciousness, clarity, peace of mind." She calls her spirits "euphorics," and, in a sense, High Rhode is to liquor what CBD is to marijuana: a buzz-free buzz, vaguely akin to a CBD "body high." (Imagine dropping an Advil with a mug of green tea in a warm bath.) Batchelor enjoys wine with a meal maybe once a month. "I'm pretty resolute in my decision to consume with intention or not at all," she said. But she is well cast to sell the idea of sobriety chic. An Ayurvedic herbologist and entrepreneur, Batchelor grew up in Saudi Arabia, where her father was a bootlegger who made his own sidiki (basically Gulf-style bathtub gin). These creators want to shatter the perception that alcohol-free booze alternatives are, by definition, "penalty-box in nature," said Bill Shufelt, a founder of Athletic Brewing, in Stratford, Connecticut. Started last year with a mission to create a nonalcoholic beer that would pass muster with actual beer snobs, Athletic features a head brewer and co-founder, John Walker, who won awards during his time with Second Street Brewing, a highly regarded craft-beer brand in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Shufelt said that three-quarters of Athletic's customers are not sober but rather belong to "a demographic we theorized was latent": light drinkers like athletes and harried parents who cannot spare the energy for hangovers. With beer sales sliding for five straight years, according to the Beverage Information Group, global beer brands are exploring alcohol-free as a potential growth area. This past winter Heineken unveiled 0.0, with a Now You Can advertising campaign showing responsible adults enjoying its no-buzz brews in work meetings or even while sitting behind the wheel. In January, Coca-Cola began test marketing a line of nonalcoholic cocktails, Bar None, with names like Bellini Spritz and Spiced Ginger Mule. And sober foodies need no longer feel left out for ordering a Diet Coke at critically lauded restaurants. Patrons at Cote, Daniel and French Laundry can order nonalcoholic substitutes for a negroni or a dark-and-stormy from Curious Elixirs, a new line of individually bottled alcohol-free craft cocktails. They are also available at nightclubs like House of Yes and Avant Gardner in Brooklyn (tagline: "shaken, not slurred"). "I've spent a lot of time in a lot of gin joints and been lucky enough to help start a few of them," said John Wiseman, a veteran of New York nightlife who started Curious Elixirs in 2016. "But it got to be that I was just drinking too damn much. So I cut back on booze dramatically and started tinkering in the kitchen." His Curious No. 3 blend is inspired by classic cocktails like the Bee's Knees and the Cucumber Collins but substitutes ashwagandha, the trendy plant-based Ayurvedic supposed stress reliever, for vodka or gin, along with mocktail staples like lemon or cucumber juice. Gin Is a Gendered Issue At a politically fraught time, clarity of the mind is a potent weapon, and the #MeToo movement has also helped give abstinence from alcohol an extra kick. We've come a long way from the early 2000s, when bawdy women of "Sex and the City" swilled rose-colored cosmopolitans as a symbol of female emancipation at last, the girls could party just as hard as the boys. Loading But these days, many women are citing sobriety as a pillar of their feminism. "The longer I am sober, the less patience I have with being a 24-hour woman the stranger who tells me to smile. The janitor who stares at my legs. The men on TV who want to annex my uterus," author Kristi Coulter wrote in a 2016 essay published on Medium. "I start to get angry at women, too," she added. "Not for being born wrong, or for failing to dismantle a thousand years of patriarchy on my personal timetable. But for being so easily mollified by a bottle. For thinking that the right to get as trashed as a man means anything but the right to be as useless." According to a federally sponsored 2017 study on alcohol use in the United States published by JAMA Psychiatry, high-risk drinking for women defined as consuming four or more drinks in a day on a weekly basis went from 5.7% to 9%, a rise of nearly 58%. For men, high-risk drinking went from 14.2% to 16.4%, a rise of 15.5%. (The study also observed a "generally much greater" increase in drinking among minorities and poor people, perhaps because of what they described as "increased stress and demoralization.") The #MeToo movement has created an opening for women to speak the truth, I see more being vocal about alcohol and substance-use issues. Beyond the health risks, the booze that flows freely at fraternity parties or holiday mixers has started to look to some women like a tool of oppression in the age of radical consent. ("Can drunk sex ever be consensual?" a recent CBS News article asked.) Students of history will note that women, like Carrie Nation, who famously smashed up taverns with a hatchet, led the temperance movement of the 19th century, which eventually set the stage for Prohibition in the 1920s. "Historically, women have been taught they can't express anger; we've been taught to internalize anger, pain, shame, because anger in a women has equated to crazy, has equated to being unlikable and undesirable," said Erin Khar, whose sobriety memoir involving heroin, "Strung Out: One Last Hit and Other Lies That Nearly Killed Me," will be published next year. Khar, whose has written about her mother's habitual drinking, has taken issue with the #MommyJuice memes that have proliferated on social media with harried women juggling the pressure of careers and family looking for salvation in goblets of chardonnay. To her, there is nothing funny about the idea that booze is somehow necessary to get through life, or one's due. "What the #MeToo movement has done is created an opening for women to speak the truth whatever that truth is," she said. "And I see more women being vocal about alcohol and substance-use issues." The New York Times Most Viewed in Lifestyle Loading https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/health-and-wellness/no-longer-do-you-have-to-feel-left-out-or-uncool-for-being-sober-20190617-p51ylf.html?ref=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_source=rss_feed

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skincare-us-blog · 7 years ago

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The Tom Ford Cleanse

New Post has been published on http://skincareee.com/the-tom-ford-cleanse/

The Tom Ford Cleanse

A variety of things come to mind when I think of Tom Ford. A heady over pour of virility. A languid transatlantic (???) drawl. An almost lifelike brow. And that’s just appearance. By now, his dogmatic convictions are almost as sentient as he is. He’s condemned everything from wearing shorts in the city, and his son’s “tacky” dinosaur shoes, to chewing gum in public. He is as deft as he is fastidious, and it seems every photo I see of him has him sprawled out, spread eagle, and on a chaise lounge.

I’ve always found this network of information compelling because, typically, unrelatability has a direct correlation with appeal. It’s universal. This curiosity is the basis of why Shark Week, serial killers, and the concept of childbirth are all enthralling while Ryan Reynolds, pants with an elastic waistband, and marketing emails that address me by my first name bore me to death. This intense curiosity drove me to gain insight into his lifestyle, because who wouldn’t want to live like Mr. Ford?

I started with the most accessible window to his soul: his diet and daily regimens. For structure, I looked to another ITG cleanse centered around folding a successful person’s habits into yours—The Oprah Cleanse. After reading every interview with him the internet had to offer, I ended up with a week-long crash course. I present to you the Tom Ford cleanse.

The general parameters:

–Punctuate a very healthy diet with junk “I try to stick to a diet of fish and vegetables, but my one remaining vice is cheap candy and baked goods… Hostess Donettes are my weakness.”

–Cold beverages only “I don’t like warm drinks of any kind.”

–Only consume scentless foods “I don’t eat onions or garlic. Ever. Fresh breath is important.”

–Take baths instead of showers “Yes, I still take my baths all day long. They’re meditative.”

–Only use Tom Ford Beauty products “Naturally, I use my own beauty products.”

–Look your best in order to be your best “Put on the best version of yourself when you go out in the world because that is a show of respect to the other people around you.”

DAY ONE The folklore surrounding Tom Ford purportedly taking five baths a day has been around since, well, Tom Ford. While the exact number of baths he currently takes is unknown, I make it my goal to take at least two baths a day (but bonus points for more!).

6:30 AM Tom Ford said in Harper’s Bazaar that his day starts at 4:30 a.m. I set my alarm for this time and, after snoozing my alarm for two hours, give up on waking up that early for the remainder of the week. I begin drawing my first bath.

I make a giant iced coffee and lower myself into the water where I sit in cannonball position until the water reaches my chest. The feeling is as unfamiliar as it is initially unpleasant. I briefly wonder if I will get heatstroke.

8:00 AM I drain the tub, brush my teeth, shave, and draw my second bath. This time with soap. I am running late for work because I have taken more baths this morning than I have in the past decade. I bolt to work.

9:20 AM For breakfast, I have a scoop of bran cereal, half a banana, and several slices of pineapple. An archetypally Tom Ford breakfast. I almost never eat breakfast because I am always nauseous for the first several hours after waking, but I enjoy taking the time to collate the ingredients into a bowl and pick at it while I begin work.

9:45 AM Second breakfast: two Hostess Donettes. In case you haven’t had one of these recently because you don’t grocery shop at gas stations—they are soft, delicious, and taste nothing like doughnuts. Here, the word “donettes” is used to indicate that they are not real doughnuts in that way that the words “cheez,” “froot,” and “Cap’n” are used to distinguish between real cheese, fruits, and Captains.

I get powdered sugar all over my slacks.

12:00 PM Lunch is catered at my office today, so I stand in the lunch line and sniff each platter looking for entrees that don’t have onions or garlic. I end up with a scoop of dilly orzo, potato nubs, three balls of mozzarella, and several florets of raw broccoli.

6:50 PM I prepare for a bath the second I get home. This time, I shower beforehand. Cheating, I know, but I am unable to mentally surmount the idea of atmospheric grime seasoning tonight’s bath.

9 PM I drink a banana, peanut butter, and almond milk smoothie with a bendy straw for dinner.

Total bath count: 3

DAY TWO

9:15 AM Breakfast: a half-banana smile with two Donette eyes. I fashion a nose out of a pineapple chunk.

12:20 AM I order an expensive vegetarian burger for lunch. I throw out the onions and eat in complete silence at my desk. I chase it with a shard of dark chocolate.

6:30 PM Tom Ford’s sixth grooming commandment, according to GQ, is “get a pedicure.” I’ve put this off for years as I am a germophobe, and am truly terrified by the idea of fungal infections. A friend recommends the ITG-approved JinSoon Natural Hand & Foot Spa’s Tribeca outpost, so I heed his advice and go after work. After checking in with the receptionist, I am offered a glass of prosecco, which I politely decline. (Tom Ford told Esquire that “becoming teetotal completely altered [his] life.”) I might as well give it a shot this week.

The experience is blissful start to finish. It involves me alternating my hobbit legs in and out of warm water dyed blue, droppers filled with fragrant tinctures, delicate trimming, and fervent sanding. I’ve been missing out! At some point, I have an out of body experience. I see myself, posturing like Jonathan Rhys Meyers as King Henry VIII in Showtime’s Golden Globes-nominated drama, The Tudors—shirt unbuttoned to my navel—without even a hint of irony! I lean into this tableau, and when the technician offers me my choice of essential oils, I pick lavender.

9:15 PM For dinner, I eat poached arctic char with peppers, plums, and eggplant.

11:00 PM I graze my feet against each other until I drift off into a full night of uninterrupted sleep.

Total bath count: 5

DAY THREE

8:30 AM On my way to work, I exchange several messages with Emily Ferber, and we talk shop about Tom Ford Beauty.

An excerpt: Emily Ferber: I have a skin illuminator that I don’t use but can’t get rid of The dry body oil— I use it in my hair. Or Gotham: Is there an actual difference between the body oil and the dry oil? EF: The dry oil is a spray. OG: Oh, like Pam!!! EF: Lol like Pam. I hope I get a cameo in your piece. OG: I’ve already taken several screenshots.

10:00 AM I pull my bare feet out of my loafers and interrupt my coworkers’ productivity to show them how pristine my feet are. They all coo at my wiggling toes as I do slow motion fan kicks in my desk chair.

12:30 PM I plate several pieces of salmon sushi and get up to take a lap around the office. My coworkers question this behavior.

“For lunch, Tom Ford sometimes wanders around his office eating salmon sashimi off of a plate,” I explain to them, slinking off into the office’s atrium.

I don’t catch their reactions, but I assume they react to this statement with unbridled understanding and acceptance.

7:00 PM I decide to try out Tom Ford’s Intensive Purifying Mud Mask. I wash my face with the Purifying Facial Cleanser which leaves my face feeling very clean. I then spackle on a thick layer of the mud. Its light citrus scent is pleasant. I smile, like the Babadook, at the mirror and sink into the tub. It is now Friday night, so for the first time this week I enjoy my bath with all the urgency of a glacier. I play Abel Korzeniowski’s score for A Single Man. A lit candle sits irresponsibly on the edge of the tub, filling the room with Neroli Portofino. I feel dour and cinematic in my nakedness—quintessentially Tom Ford. I soak long enough to let the water get cold and wash the mask off.

Spoiler alert: my skin looks very clear the next morning.

Total bath count: 7

DAY FOUR

10 AM I sleep in because it’s Saturday. For breakfast, I have a sugared doughnut and two iced coffees. I spend thirty minutes doing calisthenics half-heartedly, start the crossword, and take a three-hour nap.

1:30 PM I eat four pineapple spears and get indigestion.

6:00 PM I begin preening before a friend’s birthday party in the East Village. Tom Ford directs us to use “cold packets” to get rid of eye puffiness. I have no idea what a cold packet is, so I rub two ice cubes around my eyes instead. I brush my eyebrows with Tom Ford for Men Gelcomb. Using a magnifying mirror and Tom Ford for Men Concealer in Medium, I begin covering my imperfections. I swipe it over my dark undereye circles, a broken capillary I obtained by abusing Bioré strips last winter, my eyelids, and the sizable area of pores flanking my nose. Checking my work in my bathroom’s catastrophically unflattering light, I realize I have screwed the pooch. The color is entirely too pale and very full coverage. I look casket-ready. I, however, was supposed to be there an hour ago, so I spray Neroli Portofino “everywhere” (Ford’s mandate!) and leave the house as is.

On the subway, I pray that people assume I am a RealDoll, rather than a highly-perfumed corpse.

7:30 PM Luckily, the bar is dark, so no one comments on my appearance.

Total bath count: 10

DAY FIVE

11 AM The sheer number of baths I’ve taken this week has dried my skin out considerably, so I counteract this by squirting several streams of Neroli Portofino Body Oil directly into my bath water. I immerse myself into the very expensive scented water and try out every repose depicted in The Land of Cockaigne by Bruegel. Immediately, I feel like a 1990s mogul.

Scented baths are one of the several commodities (along with limousines, the sweater department at Barney’s, two-day shipping, and mint Milanos) that were once regarded as luxuries and have lost their clout over time. In the December 2008 issue of Details magazine, Tom Ford says “time and silence are the most luxurious things today.” His statement holds up. It becomes clear that the multi-bath ritual was never about compulsive cleansing but rather about the accommodation of those two indulgences.

My bathtub remains dangerously slippery for the next day and a half.

1 PM For lunch, I eat two poached eggs over a frisée salad in the West Village. The waiter comments on my fragrance neutrally, which I attribute directly to the fact that I am wearing too much.

“Tom Ford?” he not so much asks as broadcasts, sniffing the ether above me.

I nod uselessly and vacate the premises.

10 PM I forget to eat dinner entirely and put on Nocturnal Animals before bed.

Total bath count: 12

DAY SIX

8 AM I skip breakfast and get an iced coffee on the way to work.

6 PM I get an email that the Fruit of the Loom undershirt I had tailored to make my arms look more attractive is ready for pick up. The sleeves were hemmed just above my triceps to mirror Tom Ford’s “off-duty” uniform.

There is a strong correlation between successful people and people who get their clothes custom-fit. It’s the kind of permanent adjustment that balks in the face of 30-day return policies. One of the reasons successful people look, well, successful is that their clothes fit them exactly. There’s no cuffing, or bunching, or billowing. Simply going to a tailor is a status symbol within itself because it says “I can spend $20 getting this $3.58 undershirt professionally altered.”

7 PM I change into it the second I get home and study myself in a full-length mirror. Any improvements to my appearance are imperceptibly mild. (My arms, however, are unremarkable to begin with so I write it off as user error.)

7:15 PM I keep my bespoke Fruit of the Loom shirt on and plaster the mud mask on my face.

8 PM Dinner is grilled branzino with radish and parsley.

Total bath count: 15

DAY SEVEN

9:10 AM I arrive at the office, sweating profusely because I am wearing a turtleneck. I head to the restroom and give myself another spray of cologne in case I smell like a damp ox.

11 AM For lunch, I eat sushi. I’m exhausted by the amount of fish I’ve consumed in the last week. I’m sure Tom Ford doesn’t face this problem (because he doesn’t get sushi from the cafeteria-style “premium” lunch hubs that pop up around New York City like gophers) but I’ve had a low-grade stomachache all week.

7 PM When asked about his last meal, Tom Ford said it would be salmon with “Hostess Donettes around the outside of the plate.” (It is in this same interview that he says Hostess sends him a box of their confections every time he mentions them to the press, his eyes gleaming behind his Snuffaluffagus lashes.) I decide to have this as my last meal of my cleanse. Rather than cook the salmon myself, I order it on GrubHub. It arrives an hour later. I plate it and encircle it with Donettes before squeezing lemon onto the ingot of salmon. Its appearance is grandiose and frightening like a TOILETPAPER magazine spread. I eat all of the salmon and six of the doughnuts.

10:30 PM I take my last bath and my stomach is lurching.

Total bath count: 16

11 PM I have an early meeting tomorrow morning, so, I end my week like Ford (who relies “completely…on sleeping pills and tranquilizers”) and pop two OTC non-habit-forming sleeping aids.

In an interview with CNBC, he’s described himself and, through transitive property, the Tom Ford Man as international, multilingual, well traveled, and possessing disposable income. This week, I didn’t even remotely get closer to obtaining any of those traits. I did, however, gain a deep sense of respect for his obsessive level of discipline, even without wearing his trademark suit. But, the way I see it, if I’m not a Tom Ford Man now, I was never one to begin with—or at least that’s the story I’m sticking to.

—Or Gotham

Photographed by the author.

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