#10/10 perfectly in character for everyone involved

[to-be-a-dreamer]

I think my favorite part of Session 7 was when Martyn caught Joel taking stuff from his chests and the exchange was something like

"I thought it was Jimmy's!" "It was. It was ours."

Because Martyn's trying so hard to do serious angsty lore bits and the best response Joel can come up with is basically just "That's rough buddy"

[kariachi]

Because shit reminded me- casual reminder that the concept of the Alpha Rune's influence being the cause of Charm's bullshit since she got back Legerdomain not only serves to absolve her of guilt for enslaving and genociding an entire dimension's peoples- since after all it was clearly just the Alpha Rune's influence she would never- but also does the same for Addwaitya, who we're also supposed to believe only genocided an entire people due to the effects of the Alpha Rune.

Which makes for at least four occasions of the show going 'yes they attempted/committed genocide, but-'. Which is both a very odd and concerning thing to consistently have and more than reason enough for me to say 'fuck that shit'.

[letteredlettered]

Went to a panel about slash fanfic at a con. Moderator said, "Welcome to the panel about erotica." The words "slash" and "erotica" were used interchangeably throughout. Panel was great.

There was a Q&A at the end so I raised my hand and said these terms seemed conflated. Moderator explained she'd run this panel for 10 years and it started out being about slash but drifted into erotica and she never changed the name. (She also said she was glad I brought it up and would keep it in mind for the future of the panel.) The guy on the panel who writes original m/f erotica said that slash and what he writes are basically the same thing. I said I had no complaints about the name of the panel or the panelists, I was just curious about what slash meant to them, and whether slash by necessity had to include sex scenes to be considered slash.

Two panelists answered that slash was romance between men but usually had sex. Eventually one of them did make clear that slash didn't have to have sex but that it was what they wanted to read. Another panelist said that to them slash really just meant dude romance but people wouldn't read their fic unless there was sex so they felt they had to put sex scenes in.

Person came up to me after the panel. Said they felt I didn't get my question answered. Then they explained that since the 70s, 'slash' has been used to mean m slash m romance, meaning explicit and sexual. Then they said it sounded like what I wanted to ask about was shipping. They explained to me that shipping is just wanting the characters to be together but slash meant sex. They explained that since the invention of AO3, people had begun to use the ampersand to mean the fic had two characters who were friends and that the slash was used to denote ships, but even though that punctuation just meant romance, the word "slash" in the last twenty years had become synonymous with explicit fic. I explained I had been in fandom longer than twenty years and this was not necessarily my experience. They said, "Bye!"

Though they seemed confused as to whether what they personally defined as slash had been mainstream since the 70s or since the last twenty years (the person was 24), they were well-meaning. The panel was great. I'd recommend it to anyone, though I'm not stating the name of the con here because I don't want anyone involved to feel this is really a critique of the panel itself. The moderator in particular was superb.

I think that this conversation just brought up a whole lot of feelings for me. I think it bothers me that people still think that all fanfic is smutty, that all slash requires porn, and that all fic must have porn in order to be read. I am familiar with this conflation and feel perfectly fine going to a panel that I think is about slash fic and finding out it's about erotic lit, some of which is fanfic. After all, I like both, and I recognize that fandom mushes these things together and teasing them out into separate strands isn't something everyone--or possibly even most fans--have any interest in. I recognize that I am pedantic to a degree that most people find uninteresting.

I have a little bit more of a problem with the idea that slash is "basically the same" as het, but this was said by only one of the panelists. If your panel is actually about straight up erotica and not slash, then the problem is just the name of the panel.

What I found the most frustrating, however, is that whenever I have this conversation, I feel like the default assumption most of my interlocutors begin AND end with is this: smut is why we're here. And I just don't understand that. Away Childish Things has 44,800 kudos, and it has no smut in it. My next most kudosed fic has almost 15,000 kudos and tons of smut. My next most kudosed fic has almost 14,000 kudos and it doesn't even have a kiss.

I'm not talking about kudos to show off how many I have, or because I think kudos make a point about quality of a fic. They have nothing to do with quality. But they do have to do with popularity, and the truth is, sex doesn't sell. It's something else. It's not good writing. It's not a great plot. It's not in-character characterization. IT'S SOMETHING ELSE. What is it?

I've had people say to me, "Well, you're lettered; it works differently for you." DOES IT??? Maybe they meant that because enough people know me as fic author, people will read my fic anyway, but let me tell you, it's always been this way for me, long before my fic was really popular. The ones with smut did not get more praise and attention. The ones that PEOPLE LIKED got more praise and attention. Do people like fic that has smut in it more than fic without smut? Some of the time! Does there have to be smut for people to like it? NO.

Have I had people tell me they didn't want to read something I wrote because it didn't have smut? YES. But the point I'm trying to make is, there are people who want to read fic that doesn't have smut in it. THEY are your audience for the fic you want to write that doesn't have smut in it. Fic does not have to have smut to be fic; it doesn't have to have smut to be read.

I think part of the reason I get so upset about it is that slash as we know it today didn't just emerge because some people weren't getting to read smut and they wanted to. It emerged because women and queer people and other marginalized communities were not getting to see what they wanted to in mainstream media. They weren't getting sex scenes, but they also weren't getting queer content, they weren't getting stories about sensitive men that defied patriarchal stereotypes of male toxicity; they weren't getting stories about disabled folks and people of color and folks who are into kink and folks who have different lifestyles. To reduce fanfic to porn is to remove the rich history of why it exists and who it exists for.

I asked earlier what makes a fic popular, and to me, it's exactly this. It's when you read a thing and you feel, "this is really satisfying to my id in a way that I am not getting from mainstream media." And sometimes what is satisfying to your id is very horny anal sex. Other times what is satisfying to your id is Bucky Barnes getting a blanket and facing his trauma. Sometimes it's Harry Potter being trans. Sometimes it's Naruto and Sasuke getting to just hold hands as the sun sets. I have no idea who those two people are but boy howdy do I know they just fucking need to hold hands.

But the other reason I get so upset about it is I'm so fucking tired of reading a great fic that devolves into mediocre mechanical porn that is there due to the collective brainwashing that states that this is the ONLY reason ALL of us are here.

Discuss.

[bluemooniegif]

Soukoku's first meeting could not have been written more perfectly. Allow me to explain

A quick note on the manga panels: these are fan translations from BSD Bibliophile. At one stage they refer to Dazai as 'the youngest boss in Mafia history,' and the executive meeting as 'a meeting of five bosses.' This is just a stylistic choice! All of the panels shown here are from chapters 8 (volume 2), 10 & 11 (volume 3)

I love this scene more than life itself, because it is literally the PERFECT introduction to Chuuya, his character, and his relationship with Dazai. Let's talk about it!

First: some context. Dazai seems to be in a bit of a predicament- he's walked right into a trap set by the Port Mafia, an organisation that we don't know much about at this stage in the story. What we do know, and what we can observe, is this:

Dazai is a former executive, and appears to have walked into the trap on purpose

He is now being held in a room that Akutagawa describes very negatively- the fact of being here is dangerous

Dazai reveals that Akutagawa was once his subordinate, and that he thought very lowly of him at the time. He claims to still think of him this way. Akutagawa has a violent reaction to this.

This is a PERFECT example of 'showing, not telling' within a story. Rather than making a bunch of asides, describing what Dazai and Akutagawa are feeling and why, Asagiri & Harukawa have plopped us into the middle of a rather awkward reunion. I feel like I've walked into my friend's Christmas dinner and am now witnessing family politics unfold real time. It's like watching a car crash.

Now, we move between settings a bit, jumping around to watch Yosano DESTROY Kajii, Atsushi rescue Kyouka, and subsequently be injured and kidnapped by Akutagawa. We watch the Agency fall into disarray when Fukuzawa demands that everyone go looking for Atsushi- interesting, considering that Dazai is IN THE BASEMENT OF THE PORT MAFIA RIGHT NOW.

I've had lots of discussions and arguments about the meaning and significance of this. I won't delve too deep into it for now, but the way I see it is this: something the ADA is really REALLY good at is splitting up Mystery-Inc. style and working to solve cases etc., together, but apart. Dazai is also something of a stray dog (... cat), regularly wandering off and reappearing of his own accord. He's been with the ADA for several years at this point, and they would understand the way he operates well. Even if there's no indication whether he explicitly told anyone what he's doing or where he's going (which honestly, does that matter, when Ranpo would know immediately anyway?), we can safely assume that this is more or less a regular thing for them.

Anyway, back to the point. the Agency is not fazed by Dazai's disappearance... and neither, for some reason, is Dazai. He stands chained to the wall in the PM's basement- the same one, we discover later, where he's brutally tortured countless victims and traitors, and he's humming a little tune to himself, smiling, totally relaxed. We as the audience know he's pretty unflappable, and Akutagawa's expression when he sees him confirms this, too.

But. BUT. This doesn't last.

With the ADA descending into chaos, we switch perspectives back to Dazai again. He's bored at this stage, and thinking to himself that they must be searching for Atsushi soon (an indication that he was riling Akutagawa up earlier, btw) when he hears it: A voice that makes his resolve crack. A look of panic on his face that, at this stage, we haven't seen yet.

He turns, and we see Chuuya for the first time! He's got this strange smug look on his face, something deeply vindictive. Here's a current mafia executive, and he's so happy to see Dazai chained to the wall of their Torture Basement that you can't help but wonder... is there something that Dazai did to him, personally, that makes him feel this way? Or is this guy just so deeply involved with the PM that the fact Dazai left is like a personal slight against him?

Now, we don't really have long enough to truly panic over this predicament, because almost immediately these two fall into their old habits. Dazai isn't PLEASED, but he isn't afraid. He goes right into bantering with Chuuya, who surprisingly meets him right in the middle. Their regular dynamic shines right through: it's quick-witted quips, inside jokes, and knowing looks. It's this odd relaxation in their posture. In all of this, we have an acknowledgement of what they were, and evidence to suggest that they still are... whatever that thing is. Whatever you wanna call it: partners, boyfriends, best friends, buddies. That much is up to interpretation; the only undeniable fact is that they once knew each other better than themselves, and still do.

Then, the fight. This, to me, comes across as more of a way to display how powerful they both are individually: Chuuya punches concrete so hard it shatters in several places, Dazai snaps his fingers and breaks out of handcuffs.

We have front-row seats to what is in my opinion one of the best action sequences in early BSD, not just for what physically transpires, but what it tells us: they deeply understand each other on multiple levels. They're constantly predicting each other's moves, and they know where each other's weak spots are.

But there's also been a lot of growth. Dazai surprises Chuuya a few times, and vice-versa. Despite their apparent closeness, it's still clear that they haven't been together like this for a long, long time.

Then, they reach checkmate. It appears as though Chuuya has won, and we're fed some more Dazai lore- he was the youngest executive the PM ever saw.

This is how Chuuya remembers Dazai. Again, I want to remind you that this is the first time so far we're seeing PM-zai, and he is worlds away from the Dazai we've grown to know so far.

Though Chuuya seems to have driven Dazai into a corner, the roles are quickly reversed when Dazai claims to know something about a meeting between all five of the Mafia's executives. Chuuya quickly realises this is one of his 'predictions,' further proving the depth of their mutual understanding.

With hindsight, we know just how big a deal a meeting of this scale is, and knowing a certain stormbro (who I won't reveal just in case of spoilers) will be there makes me lose my mind, personally. It clearly affects Chuuya, as well, which was undoubtedly Dazai's goal.

With the power balance disrupted again, they quickly fall back into that same bantering dynamic. The volatile nature of their relationship is so perfectly portrayed within this short scene that it actually makes me sick, I genuinely don't think it could have been more perfect

Anyway. Chuuya has realised, at this stage, that Dazai had multiple goals when he allowed himself to be kidnapped, and one of those was to piss Chuuya off (which is something I think he could've managed even if Chuuya wasn't physically there). This, in turn, pisses Chuuya off, especially when he realises the predicament Dazai has left him in- let him escape, or the Mafia suffers. A test of loyalty, Chuuya's greatest weakness. Do you understand why I am tearing my hair out and howling at the moon??? This is fucking insanity.

And then, the final moment! The part we all know and love! Not only does Chuuya choose to err on the side of caution, allowing Dazai to escape- he also leaves with the repetition of another inside joke. And Dazai laughs- he looks genuinely happy, too.

That is all. I'm gonna go cry now ಥ_ಥ

read this original thread on twitter

[nelyos-right-hand]

Guys. Guys, we seriously need to talk about kidnap fam and all the arguments surrounding it.

Because the Silm fandom is easily the most peaceful fandom I've ever seen by far, and I love it, it's just so much easier when you don't constantly have to deal with fans bashing heads over their different takes. (To clarify, people do have different takes in this fandom, which is good and exactly how fandom is supposed to be, and sometimes heads do get bashed, which isn't great, but still happens far less than in any other fandom I've ever seen.)

Some people love Morgoth, and some people love the Valar, but they don't argue over it, instead they solve the problem by engaging in deep philosophical discussions or just in so much smut. And that's great. I'm not saying you shouldn't have discussions. It's such a big part of fandom to exchange different point of views, and sometimes people change their minds, and other times you agree to disagree.

And I think we all know that of all the different corners of the fandom, the kidnap fam corner is probably disagreeing the most, and that's alright! You can defend the characters you love, you can voice your own opinion, you can disagree on other people's takes, but please, PLEASE stop insulting the fans.

This isn't everyone, there are so many incredibly kind people in that corner who are always peaceful, but it's also the only corner where I've seen people using opinions on characters as a judge for the fans that have those options.

"People who hate Elwing are so stupid", "People who love Elwing are toxic" Just stop, okay?! Just stop.

Hating a fictional character is not morally wrong. They are fictional, you can't hurt their feelings, they don't care if you hate them or love them or ignore them. Hating real people is wrong. You can hate Maedhros, and you can hate Elwing, you can even hate Elrond (no, seriously, don't hate Elrond, or I will come for you).

Your opinion on a character doesn't have to be morally correct. Even if Elwing was a terrible monster who abused her kids, it still wouldn't be somehow toxic to love her. Why would you even think that? And even if Elwing was a complete saint, it still wouldn't be stupid to hate her. Your opinion on a character doesn't have to be rational. (Example: I dislike Arwen. I know there is absolutely no rational explanation, she's a perfectly written character, she's a strong woman, she's the perfect woman for Aragorn. If she were a real person I would have to get over my dislike for her, but since she's fictional I can keep disliking her, even if I can't explain it. Even if she's a great person this isn't somehow wrong or toxic)

This post isn't about my personal opinion on Elwing, or on how much Maedhros was involved in raising the boys, or whether they called Maglor "Atar". This post also isn't saying that you should stop defending your favorite characters or headcanons, or that you should stop criticising characters you dislike. I'm not telling you to stop saying your own opinion, or to make your post and fanfictions neutral so that no one is confronted with a take they don't like. Please don't do that! You can continue making 10 000 word long posts supporting your opinion, in fact, you should do that, because if it weren't for those posts I would still have all those boring, one-sided opinions that made eleven year old me hate Boromir. It's good to sometimes be confronted with something you don't agree with.

This post is about fans insulting other fans because they don't agree with them. This is about fans making opinions on fictional characters look morally wrong, and therefore make the people behind those opinions look like bad people.

Again, this is a minority of the fans. Most people in this corner of the fandom are great and civil and deserve all the love in the world. But I'm just so tired of all the arguments, I don't even care who's right anymore, I just want us all to get along. Fandom should be about having fun, about enjoying things you love, not about bashing heads with people who disagree with you. Cause you won't get very far in real life if you can't deal with different opinions.

[jujutsukaisenwriting]

JJK Characters Morning Routine

I love random thoughts in my mind so here we go with this hc!

Gojo Satoru

The chaos junkie probably wakes up at like 6am

1h spent on hair routine ("I just wake up like this")

Spamming everyone with messages while brushing teeth

Flexing in front of the mirror is a must

Loves sweet breakfasts but rarely cooks, opting for the nearby cafes instead

Roams around the house in black boxers waving at the neighbors from the opposite apartments

Yuji Itadori

There is at least one empty ramen cup in his bed

Drools

Has a chinup bar in his room and exercises every morning

Spends an unholy amount of time in the bathroom, trying to copy Gojo's signature hair style

Listens to loud music while brushing teeth

While trying to sing along, spits the tooth paste all over the mirror

Megumi Fushiguro

Wakes up precisely at the alarm

Ignores 10 texts from Yuji and puts his phone on the silent mode

Loves omurice for breakfast and cooks it perfectly

Has a strict morning routine which involves exercising

Summons his shikigami for a small morning walk

Irons his clothes before wearing them

Nobara Kugisaki

Sleeps in a sleep mask

Oversleeps regularly and has like 5 alarms

Dances while getting ready and listens to J-rock while getting dressed

ALWAYS takes iced coffee to go in the small shop near her place

Texts with one hand and assembles her bag with another

"Yo, going shopping today" sent to Yuji and Megumi

Ryomen Sukuna

This hair is not going to take care of itself

Savory and hearty breakfast is a must

Meditates every morning because one gotta keep composed and in touch with inner self

Sings alone to the "Specialz" while roaming the apartment

Practices Bōjutsu for at least an hour

Nanami Kento

7AM alarm, black coffee, boner

Already has his clothes ironed and ready since yesterday

At least 30min in the shower

While having breakfast, answers texts and emails, ordering everyone around

"Im looking for a man in finance" energy

Ignores phone calls from Gojo, enjoying his morning hours of peace

Sometimes read a few book chapters while everything around is quiet and no one bothers him yet

Maki Zenin

A morning person

Jogs every morning

After jogging, practices in the battle room

Drinks protein smoothies after the workout

Has a fluffy pink robe that no one else has seen yet but the legends about it wander around the Jujutsu Tech

Sings loudly and awfully while getting ready

Loves donuts from one small bakery that not many people know about

Toge Inumaki

Oversleeps often and usually wakes up with a manga or a controller in his hand

Yawns a lot and takes his time to get ready

Almost never eats at home, preferring instead to meet with Maki at her favorite place

While getting ready, puts on an anime or game streams

Does not really care about what to put on and selects from a pile of clothes on the floor

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - The unexpected rise of cooking crush & seme bjs

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Jan 2024 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 9 of 12 - I love this show so damn much. This may be my KinnPorsche. It’s just so endlessly entertaining in a perfectly unhinged way. I love that they looped Tharn’s dad back into the murder investigations.

You know kinksters have invented necklaces that can’t come off… right? Just saying.

Meanwhile, would it still be BL if our seme didn’t wake up from drowning and instantly go chase snake?

No. No it would not. 

Remember the one hard and fast rule of BL? When a seme gives a BJ it’s penance. Phaya is apologizing to Tharn for leaving him behind.

Heh. Hard and fast. I kill me. 

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 10 of 14 - How is this absurd creature managing to rise in the ranks? Pavel turned in some stellar grief and ALANJEFF have my whole heart. I make Ikea puns in the... Trash watch happening here.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 7 of 12 - The make-out montage was absolutely charming and very much American rom com style - interesting (and rare) to see in a BL (not to mention from OffGun. How far we have come since Puppy Honey?)

Meanwhile, another wonderful grandma in a BL!

Next week we do an actual harken back to Puppy Honey, so obviously I’m now enjoying this whole show way more than before. I think it helped that I watched it earlier in the week, when it wasn’t competing with any other BLs. 

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 11 of 12 - Not gonna lie, I knew from you all that this was gonna be a rough ep. But I very clearly remember the penultimate Bad Buddy ep so I now have slightly more trust than others in GMMTV on this matter. 

That said, this was a crap episode.

You can’t set Mork’s truth and character motivation reveal up like that and then have his lover choose to dismiss him in a way that diminishes not just both character's growth AND all of Mork's actions towards Day, but also our faith in every other character. It was a shitty narrative thing to do to us, and it was a shitty thing to do to Mork. And that doesn’t even take into account the forgiveness allotted by the story to Day’s unrepentant excuse for a mother.  The doom should have been handled differently. The mom shoudl have leaned in even more evil and actively lied to split them apart.

I don't know if they can redeem this misstep in the final episode. But I'm interested to see them try. That said, this plot seem to be true to the book. 

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - A major trigger has landed. But also it’s clear who’s fault that incident was... and it’s not Him’s. So Blue's so-called-friend really is unhinged. This episode was a little bit more engaging than last week, but it’s only because stuff actually happened. I’m still not sure I enjoyed it. 

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 12fin - Despite the fact that I’ve been annoyed by the show the last couple of episodes, I’m still sad for it to end. It was a good reveal and First had the right response. Also a very sports way to end it. Sprite is a v clingy bf. 

In brief?

A messy very Thai pulp sports romance that actually managed to involve sports in an identical twins trading-places plot. Basically Not Me meets HIStory 2 Crossing the Line (although vastly inferior to either) with an endearing main character and a good lead pair (poor things), both soapy and earnest without too much camp. It tried so hard but the plot, side couples, and extraneous characters let us down. Passable if not great. 7/10 

Time the series (Thai Gaga) ep 2 of 10 - Eh. Whatever. 

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) ep 22 of 24 - skipped this installment

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Gaga) ep 2 of 10 - Funny how quickly he retracted that confession and everyone called him out for doing it too soon (including me from a narrative beats perspective). It was a cute screw up - I see what your meta-arse is doing there, Japan. Also our Tokyo-boy’s serious reserved earnestness is extra adorable in the surrounded by Osaka enthusiasm context. His accidental flirting is that much more heart wrenching for our poor baby seme.  And they ended this ep with honorific negotiations!! Be still my heart. I’m really adoring this show.

Your hyung romance super fan is back in the game! 

Meanwhile the Osaka accent is beyond adorable. 

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 6 of 8 - Japan what are you doing? I do love the not-sorta-ex from the past. 

VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 10fin - I loved all the young people in the hawker center supporting the campaign against the terrible mother. They make a good domestically sappy couple. But that is Taiwan's specialty.

In brief?

A sweet if aimless story about a writer and a chef finding love via noodles, fake dating, and family challenges. If it had a tighter script and a shorter run, more like a KBL this might’ve been quite special. But it didn’t and it lost me too many times. 6/10

I don’t like to be disappointed by Taiwan. 

It's done: I Need to Catch up

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam so I assume it's on YouTube. I never even noticed. Anyone?

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - Is TRUST Entertainment bringing us the first ever Burmeses BL? I don't know if it's really the first, but @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch through.

It's Airing But...

[INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.

Beside You (Thai YouTube) - a 3 sp short that's supposed to have started but I can't find it.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Ends next week. Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if safe.

Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) - horror, meh, tell me if it's worth my time?

In Case You Missed it

All my year-end round ups:

TOP 10 BL Trends of 2023

Top 10 BL Secondary Pairs of 2023

2023 BLs Best Trope Execution Awards! TOP 10

All the BLs Announced for 2023 that didn't happen

BL 2023's Best:

Back Hugs Thailand & Elsewhere

Cute Bits of Domesticity

Boys Feeding Boys

BOOP!

Best Cuddles

Heads in Laps

Touching Head Touches

Thailand Put His Head on Your Shoulder

Put Your Head on My Shoulder (not Thailand)

BEST KISSES (not Thailand)

BEST KISSES FROM THAILAND

Next Week Looks Like This

1/23 Happy Ending is a new high school set Strongberry 20 min short staring the actor who played Milk on Choco Milk Shake, so... YES PLEASE. I'm not sure where it will air but we all have our fingers crossed for Gaga or YT. Or both.

1/24 Love For Love's Sake (Korea Gaga & iQIYI)- based on the Manhwa ‘Love Supremacy Zone’ by Hwacha. A young man is dropped into a game based off a novel he loves. His mission is to make another player, YeoWoon happy. But then the game starts unfolding completely different from the novel.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Viva la BL grandma superiority! (Cooking Crush)

Cooking Crush casually givign us some lovely lesbians (as indeed did The Sign). GL makes for a lovely acessory BL, carry on.

Now GMMTV, give us the REVERSE.

I love this dork SO MUCH. (Pit Babe)

I love that Cherry Magic is doing this scene over. One of my favs from the original.

Yai is BEST BOY. MVP and most likely the winner for 2024's Namgoong award.

(Last week)

[savedbythedrafts]

I have many thoughts about Bridgerton.

Was it the perfect season? Absolutely no.

But it quite honestly is my favorite season so far because it made me realise how the enemies-to-lovers trope has rotten my brain when this is what I want to see. Gentle love, best friends becoming partners.

Things that I absolutely loved this season:

-Pen's arc: In the book she gives up whistledown to become a romance author which is nice, but now we have a legitimate journalist in the house who has proved her accuracy at such a young age. People who are worried about how she's gonna get her info now that people are guarded? Um her main sources were always the maids and footmen and she is observant enough to run a column. Plus now that everyone knows who she is, people might anonymously send her reports (as happens in journalism) which gives her SO MUCH POWER. I am a journalist and I can't stress enough how incredible that is. I know book fans expected the last speech by Colin but imo her taking full control of her decisions and willingness to face the consequences makes it so much better.

-Eloise and Pen patch up: Both of them going to each other for comfort and support when the shit hit the fan made my heart warm. When Eloise comes back, I hope she knows herself a bit better and actually brings her grand ideas to reality.

-Benedict going about his viscount duties in absence of Anthony without the rage of responsibility whilst discovering his sexuality 10/10. Man was also fully involved in all of his siblings feuds, mainly whatever the fuck Gregory and Hyacinth were upto. CUTE. Actually shoutout to all the Bridgertons, they were so perfectly chaotic.

-THe FEATHERINGTONS OMG: I am the youngest daughter of my family as well as the black sheep- so unpredictable, unconventional that no one in my family gets me. That's why I relate to Pen so much and I'll defend her to death. To see the sisters and Portia realise Pen's worth made me sob. Phillipa saying I hope my daughter becomes a writer? Cherry on cake. But Portia opening up to Pen and being vulnerable and proud at the same time was so bloody well done.

-Polin: Fans being livid about the lack of spice in part 2 (minus the incredible sex scene in ep 5) is understandable but I blame the marketing for it, not the showrunners. Over the course of part 1, we saw Colin's relationship with intimacy change drastically. His want for connection becomes a necessity and if they just jumped into angry sex without actually resolving anything, it would have ruined his character development. I think it's the incredible chemistry between Nic and Luke in general and the heavy emphasis on the horniness during the press tour left the fans understandably wanting for more. But in general, their romance felt quite authentic. The Pride and Prejudice 'dancing in the room alone' callback, goofing around in the church, Colin coming to terms with what Whistledown meant to the ton and himself, Penelope's newfound confidence thanks to Colin's frequent words of affirmation, it was all good.

Things I would change to make this season better (this is turning into a full article now but read ahead if you have been here so far):

-The bloody editing: Pardon my french but why the fuck Benedict's prolonged threesome scenes not edited out? He has a whole season coming up so I don't understand so much focus on that weirdly edited scene amidst the drama. Just one shot of establishing his pansexuality (or bi but I am hoping it's pan) would have been enough? I love Ben, he is my favorite brother but this gave me the ick. To think these 3-4 minutes could have been used to extend the last Polin intimate scene. We could have had a good 5 minutes of Pen topping Colin after the BIG REVEAL but noooo. Even the subplots should have been kept short and sweet. Unlike some fans, I am not completely against the inclusion of the Mondrich family, Cressida's back story, the build up to Benedict's and Fran's actual stories, and more. But I believe too much footage was given to these even though the show clearly focuses on one couple per season. Get your shit together Shonda, this is not 20 episode Grey's anatomy, we can't focus on EVERYONE.

-Colin's anger after the wedding: Now I understand why he didn't want to have the wedding night given the stressful circumstances but him being angry till Francesca's wedding made no sense. How I would have written the resolution would have been something like this- In the hours before Rae leaves the house at night, Colin would have been reading the letters, figuring out how Pen is so whistledown at core (like he actually does the very next day but in absence of Pen). And instead of coming into the room to get a blanket, he could have brought in his own manuscript, asking her to read it as promised and taking up her offer to let her edit. This scene was literally in the book and was so easy to adapt. I would give my left kidney to see Colin sitting near Penelope, watching her powerful writing in action. Again, no spice required, just this. This would have made Pen's 'just love me' speech to Colin so good, but alas!

-Cressida: This is the arc I am most pissed off about. Eloise's reconciliation with Pen was great but completely abandoning Cressida to misery was so outta pocket. I realise Eloise is still not a fully realised character and is barely 20 (she's just a girl) but she was always kind. If I was writing Cressida's arc, I would have had Eloise come to her rescue at the end by borrowing some money from Pen and helping Cressida escape to Vienna or better Scotland. I highly doubt Pen would have minded if she knew how similar both of their circumstances were. I detested Cressida in the books because I'll be honest the books were pretty two dimensional with no real character development and just grand gestures (I'll understand if you come for me but this is how I feel, sorry). But the show made me care for her and I wished she could have found some happiness in life.

Overall, I'll rewatch it because the tiny details were so good this season I believe I can relish those till the next season. And I'll miss Polin immensely. But Shonda please, you can do better.

[wolves-and-stars]

Beginner's Guide to Wolfstar (Long Fics)

(here's a list of my top 10 favorite long fics ranging from 259k to 59k words)

Momentum by children_of_the_shadows (ao3) 259k

If you have to ready any canon compliant (mostly) marauders through the years fic, this is the one, Children_of_the_shadows is one of the best writers ever, Top 3 fic authors.

2. Text Talk by merlywhirls (ao3) 141k

Everyone knows text talk, it's basically wolfstar bible, Non Magic AU where the boys meet by accidently texting the wrong number.

3. Time is a Fine Invention by bluepeony (ao3) 105k

Brilliant university non magic au, with the most imperfect and human characterization of both Remus and Sirius, read it if only to humanize the both of them and their relationship. Insecurity in a relationship and Coming of age and all the thoughts accompanying it are perfectly described in this. so much foreshadowing if you read it carefully enough.

It'll make you hate and simultaneously empathize with both characters.

4. Slughorn's Sanitarium for Troubled Boys by MelloPie 65k

TW: discussion of mental health, SA, institutionalization, ab*use, s*icide, self h*rm.

Non-Magic AU, set in a mental institution, where both noys have to share a room. Its one of the first long fics i ever read, so maybe i have a soft spot for this one, and every other fic on this list.

5. The Lad That Loved You. by MollyMaryMarie (ao3) 81k

I've said this once and I'll say it again, mollymarymarie is one of the best writers out there, another top 3 author for me, all of her fics are amazing, obviously including dear you holiness, we can pretend, the only living boy in new york, i might have to do a separate recs list for that.

But, if you had to read just one, i would say The lad that loved you is the perfect one, set in their 6th or 7th year? of hogwarts, they hide their new relationship by acting like they hate each other, and let me tell you, they are exactly, perfectly themselves in this fic, and by that i mean exactly how i imagine them.

There is not one single thing about this fic that i would change. Perfection.

6. Discards by picascribit (ao3) 76k words

I can't make a fic rec without picascribit. Cure for nightmares changed my life. Non-magic AU, Remus meets Sirius in the library he goes to study at, real love isn't always perfect and doesn't involve perfect people, is what i've take away from this fic.

7. ten reasons (to go to michigan) by greyeyedmonster18 (ao3) 59k

Top 3 Fics. If you had to read any wolfstar fic, it would be this one. I've read 100's spanning from 2016 - till date, and this is the best one ive ever read.

Remus is newly divorced, and he meets Sirius Black.

If you've ever lost someone one and had to re-learn how to live without someone you never thought you would have to live without, this fic will encapsulate the gist of it in words.

In one of their notes the authors says something close to 'the hardest thing about losing someone is finding out that the earth keeps spinning and you have to keep living'

8. Dating Remus Lupin by Children_of_the_Shadows (ao3) 83k

Top 3 fics. I can't explain this fic in any words, the writing style is brilliant, the characterizations are unique and wonderful and perfect. Everything about this fic is brilliant.

Set in Year 5, Sirius Black wants a boyfriend and James tells him about the only other openly gay boy in in their year, it just happens to be Remus Lupin. Much to his disdain.

9. Remus Lupin's Guide to Successful Courting by Children_of_the_Shadows (ao3) 87k

Non Magic AU, Remus Lupin finds harry in his yard having escaped from school and return him back to Dr. Sirius Black, who's new to town and coincidently doesn't have an inkling about Remus's past, his eyes clear of any judgement are what make Remus fall for him and pursue him, court if you will.

I again cannot explain this fic. Children_of_the_shadows is the most talented writer, i will make a separate fic list for their other brilliant work.

10. Sex Pistol by ArtificialAorta (ffnet) 86k

Musicians AU, Remus is punk rock, Sirius is akin to the prince of pop, how can they not fall in love?

[ananxiousgenz]

ALRIGHT SO I am finally making an intro post for The Guys!! everyone, meet levi rhodes and caspian theodore felix dupont-hearst II!

i am reposting this art from my wonderful beloved best friend/writing buddy/co-creator @percy-mawce-arts (you have no idea how often I look at this image and think about them and sigh, I am kissing you a million times over for making them with me).

first up, levi (the one sitting down on the left)!! levi is your average blue collar worker. he works at a factory owned by cas' family manufacturing bionic body parts. levi is very sweet, and cares a lot about the people in his life and isn't afraid to fight for himself and those he loves when he feels threatened. he likes gardening and singing, and regularly babysits his neighbors' daughter, hazel. levi lives in a shared apartment with his two best friends, robin and jasper, who he's known since he was about 10. he's also a cyborg (affectionately known as "cybies" in this world. his blue eye and right arm are mechanical, the unfortunate result of a fire in his childhood home that gave him a fair amount of fire-related trauma). he can also play guitar! my notes on him- he's so pretty, I wish I looked like him, and I love him dearly.

up next- caspian (the one standing on the right!). cas is your typical rich prick: smart, manipulative, cold, and calculating. he's lived so long repressing emotions they've managed to convince themselves and everyone around them that he doesn't have any. the elite class he is a member of is obsessed with maintaining a perfectly white aesthetic, hence why cas looks like a human version of Casper the ghost (i do love him, i promise). between those repressed emotions and the pressure of being one of the perfect elite, cas has thrown themselves into club culture upheld by a lot of the younger rich folk, complete with a lot of hookups, drinking, drugs, and the like. as he gets more involved with levi, he begins to realize how messed up his life is, and starts trying to fix it. he's a big fan of history and fashion and is really good with kids! my notes on him- he's a traumatized bastard, and I love him SO much

anyway, those are The Guys!!! I will probably make a plot line lore post later, and introduce the other characters we have properly, but for now you know these two!!!

[not-the-living-ghost]

Favorite episode from dbd?

My favorite episode is probably Episode 7. It's just such an emotional rollercoaster, from start to finish. There's the staircase scene, the Simon scene, the flashback to when Charles first met Edwin, and so, so much more.

The acting in this episode absolutely blew me away — specifically George Rexstrew's performance as Edwin — and the scriptwriting was absolutely phenomenal.

The cinematography was breathtaking and incredibly clever. I loved the way that they shot the different scenes in Hell, angling and twisting the camera to evoke whatever emotion was intended. There were so many different nuances and details that were added into this one episode — so much so that I'd probably have to make a post about about each one separately.

One scene in this episode that I think is thoroughly underappreciated is the scene with Simon and Edwin. This scene meant so much to me, as a queer person, especially as someone who's gone through a crap ton of internalized homophobia (although I can't say I've sacrificed any of my classmates to a demon over it). Seeing something like that portrayed in media in a way that was so real and raw was insanely meaningful to me.

I feel like this small subplot of the show perfectly represents how the show blends fantasy and reality. Dead Boy Detectives is a supernatural show with supernatural characters. The main characters are ghosts, their friend is a psychic, and they're constantly under the threat of an evil witch. However, the show tackles so many real life issues (issues such as homophobia, racism, and domestic violence), and they do it with a level of grace that perfectly balances fiction and reality. The Simon scene perfectly demonstrates this.

I also appreciated the way that the showriters went about dealing with Simon's internalized homophobia. Generally speaking, when people suggest that homophobes themselves are likely queer, they mean it as a joke, or an insult. "You're homophobic, so you must be gay," and they'll simply laugh at the disgusted reaction — which is, in it of itself, simply another provocation of homophobia. Dead Boy Detectives, however, went at this from a different angle. Because yes, homophobes themselves can be queer — internalized homophobia does not discriminate, ironically enough — but Dead Boy Detectives took this narrative and flipped it on its head. They took the common trope of the homophobe being secretly in the closet, and further delved into what that truly meant for everyone involved. They explored the destructive reality of internalized homophobia for someone like Simon without, at the same time, undermining the struggle and torment that Edwin was put through. And the fact that they did all of this in the span of just 10 minutes is absolutely mindboggling to me.

Episode 7 had a little bit of everything, and I loved it so so much <33

This post ended up being three paragraphs longer than I expected, and I went off on a bit of a tangent there, but this was fun to write 😭😭

[dippedinmelancholy]

It might be because I'm relatively "new" to the Dragon Age fandom (the last few years) but it feels like people are actually losing their minds over the choices and world state revealed about Dragon Age Veilguard. Hear me out. Does it kind of suck? Sure. Carving out your own "canon" is cool. But if you craft a story around each choice someone could have made, you have to change your development and story planning for each of those possible choices. It's been 10 years since Tresspassor was released.

It's been 15 years since Origins was released. Real years, not in game years. Only Inquisition had the more "open world", widely stretching plot, and even that was barely held together by strings, hopes, and dreams. None of the games have thus far reached into Northern Thedas beyond having characters come from there. This could very well feel like a whole new world for Rook. Without the super nostalgic feeling, why would 99% of what happened in southern Thedas matter at all at this point, for this game? Who in northern Thedas would even know about it? These people? Sure, Morrigan can have a son (she did in my default world state for Inquisition anyways), but at this point he's fully grown? Why would she ever talk about him to Rook, to reveal that about herself? As far as I could tell, the Inquisitor only meets him because his mother is working at Skyhold and he's a child that needs to be cared for. The Well of Sorrows kind of blows, but again, 10 years later and they're finally able to give us a game. Not only are they giving us a game, they're clearly making some space for the unresolved issues between the Inquisitor and Solas (regardless of romance), all the while needing to get new people involved in the game for it to be truly successful. The choice with the Grey Wardens could have been cool, but again, it was in southern Thedas. I have a hard time believing every single Grey Warden was either doomed or saved by the Inquisitor.

I just think maybe people are taking it a bit too harshly, some of the comments make me think people really need a breath of fresh air and maybe to touch some grass. Do I want everyone to have fun in every single Dragon Age game? To feel all of the emotions and pride for what happens in those games? To love and cry for their OCs???? Of course I do. But based off of the fact that Leliana could have died????? But no matter what she's a face in Inquisition???? That tells me Dragon Age DOES have a default world setting with some things being set in stone regardless of what choices you make. But I also think it's a little unfair to call a game a failure, cruel, uncaring for their canons just because it doesn't have 10-15 in game and out of game years of choices perfectly represented. This is Rook's story, and honestly, nothing that happened in southern Thedas matters to their story. To any Rook, the Inquisitor is probably this legend like figure who may or may not have been touched by god(s). Or seduced a god. Who knows.

[readyandnot]

WHY I AM HUXLEY’S NO. 1 FAN

{ a ready rambles special! }

credit to the lovely @milogreer once again this is amazing :)) and Morgan for getting it for me!

1: I am Huxley’s No. 1 Fan

2: I am a certified Huxley Simp 🪪

3: All jokes aside, Huxley has and will continue to remain my favorite out of all the characters in the Redactedverse. From the moment I listened to his first audio (meeting FL) I fell in love IMMEDIATELY. I’ve never seen a himbo so perfectly portrayed in a character as Huxley and he’s made me love them even more (him especially of course).

4: Even with Huxley dating Damien instead of FL, he continues to remain my favorite character because he is so much more to me than a romance option. He is is own person with flaws and perfections. He is so emotionally intelligent, physically and mentally strong (even in the dark moments), and so sweet to everyone. He is also so protective of his friends (saw that in Inversion) and supportive it’s so heartwarming.

5: I also still love him when he’s dating Damien because it’s brought out a new side of him and Dami that I absolutely LOVE. They’re so perfect together it makes me so happy for them both even though they were potential romance options for FL.

6: I payed for the Patreon and the FIRST THING I DID was listen to his BA… (it’s so good like wow)

7: I have written so much about Huxley with my FL, and Morgan can vouch on how often I think of and write Huxley whenever we write our FL’s. He’s the first one I think of with my FL in every single AU we do together.

8: I have made numerous thumbnails involving Huxley and have had thumbnails made for me by the fabulously talented Morgan on multiple occasions with Huxley!

9: I have posted on numerous occasions (whether my own post or on someone else’s) about my love for Huxley!

10: I have voted for Huxley in every poll that involved him :))

11: For most of the time, I call Huxley by his full name because it’s such a beautiful name and deserves to be said fully (Hux is a cute nickname though don’t get me wrong!)

12: I have a Pinterest board SPECIFICALLY for Huxley 💚

13: Huxley in my opinion is the underrated one of the DAMN group, and he is so sweet it makes me sad sometimes! He is the balance of everyone in the group: The sweet to Dami, the gentle to Lasko, the ease to Freelancer and the fun to Gavin! It makes me smile seeing him interact with everyone and I love him so much with the group because it’s so nice seeing him be himself after so many years of not!

14: The first commission I ever asked and received was one of Huxley and my FL :))

credit to @sri-rachaa for this beautiful masterpiece you made quite a long while ago!!!

15: I am Huxley’s Sunflower :))

N E WAY

These are fifteen reasons why I believe you should vote for me as Huxley’s biggest fan! Blunt and explained points and it would mean so much to my fictional and irl heart if awarded :))

Even to be nominated is awesome and I sincerely wish the best of luck to the other nominees and the other categories!

Good luck @morgansplace with Lasko, you got my vote :))

@plaqying Thanks for letting me be a nominee!

Sincerely,

[nijigasakilove]

I’ve been sat here with tears in my eyes for the last 10 minutes just screaming at my Twitter mutuals in all caps about how great this episode was, didn’t even know it was the finale I’d have woken up way earlier if I did.. but whatever who cares, this was the greatest superman adaptation I’ve ever seen. Very long write up coming. TLDR: best western animation I’ve ever seen.

Thank you so much to all the staff and voice actors and writers and just everyone who poured their hearts and souls into this. It’s palpable. You can feel how much every single person involved in this loves and understands the characters. You combine that intimate knowledge with a spice of anime and knowing the types of things modern audiences want to see and you have a very special series.

Idek where to start with the finale, it feels like every character got a really nice wrap to their character arc from the season. Livewire and the others showing up to help Clark and Kara get to brainiac’s ship, I loved their redemption arc so much. But that 10 minute or so climax with Kara getting taken over by brainiac and then breaking free of his control thanks to the love of her friends and cousin.. just beautiful.

Brainiac projected all his own insecurities and feelings of uselessness onto Kara. He knew the kryptonian empire would no longer have a need for him if they were in peacetime and so he destroyed his own people. The audacity of this bitch to call Clark and Kara traitors of house El when he destroyed the house and planet lmao.

THEY COOKED for all the action scenes. Playing the OP when Kara broke free of the mind control and firmly rejected Brainiac. “I SAID NO”, Clark and Kara pushed Brainiac ship into space, Brainiac’s last ditch effort to take Clark and Kara out with him.. Clark and Kara’s power up and new suit.. just bra fucking o. I had goosebumps the entirety of the last 12 minutes.

Kara finally being hailed as a hero and cheered for after being manipulated and used to destroy worlds for brainiac. God I am so happy for her. She deserves nothing but happiness. She fits in so well at the Kent home!

Lois deciding to be her own person rather than follow in Vale’s footsteps showed a ton of character growth for her too. She’s def not the annoying girl we knew from season 1 anymore. Both she and Jimmy got themselves a kryptonian now 😂 loved the scene of them all flying off together, this show has perfectly nailed the team aspect. Saving the day isn’t something Clark can just do by himself. It truly takes a village. The biggest issue superman as a character has always had, and DC to a larger extent, is that the characters dont feel relatable. They completely remedied that in this series. It truly feels like Clark and Kara are just normal people like us and that’s perhaps the biggest praise.

Can’t wait for s3!

[silvermoon424]

Thinking about what makes Kyubey such a good villain. He's not actively malicious and in fact seems to think what he's doing is benevolent and humane. But ironically he is the most selfish character in the series - he lacks any concept of the individual because his species is a hivemind, so the idea that one singular human holds unique value from another is a foreign concept to him. Further, he considers emotions to be a mental disorder, so he simply won't consider anything outside of his "logical" point of view, as he not only dismisses but also fails to comprehend human emotions.

tl;dr Kyubey is such a perfect metaphor for the patriarchy because on top of everything else he fails to see how his system of entrapment that benefits him the most is anything but fair and logical to everyone.

I actually wrote an entire analysis on why Kyubey is such a good takedown of the "logic bro" rhetoric! It goes into a lot of what you've said here.

Also, to add on, Rebellion shows that the Incubators aren't as logical as they love to say they are. Things are working perfectly fine under Madokami's new system. Energy is still being gathered, but in a more humane way.

But the Incubators exhibit outright greed when they decide that Madokami's system isn't working efficiently enough- despite the fact that the heat death of the universe isn't projected to occur for an incomprehensibly long amount of time. To put things into perspective, the universe is 13.7 billion years old. The heat death of the universe is at least a 10^100 years away, which is such an absurdly large number it's impossible to grasp. In other words, the Incubators have more than enough time to harvest energy that doesn't involve turning little girls into Eldritch abominations, they just don't want to.

[sam-is-my-safe-word]

Demon Dreams

Demon!Dean Winchester x Jensen Ackles

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Non- AU, Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Season/Series 10, Character Bleed, Jensen Is Not Okay, Jared is Jared, Jared Is Worried About Jensen, Demon Dean Winchester, Demon Dean Is An Asshole, Emotional Manipulation, Identity Crisis, Possession, Sort of? - Freeform, Wet Dreams, Oral Sex, Rough Oral Sex, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Strangulation, Exorcisms, Sexorcism If You Will,

Word Count: 3,201

Summary: Jensen is no stranger to character bleed. But it's not meant to take over your life like this, right?

Notes:

I'm participating in @jacklesversebingo and this part will fill my "you fed my demons" "you created mine" square.

Okay, this is the most fictional thing I've ever written lol. This is an utterly fictional Jensen set in an AU with no wives or children. I am not implying for one single second that anything in this fic actually occured. Nor am I implying Jensen is gay or bisexual. Please don't sue me lol. Also, first time writing RPF/RPS. Still feel some kinda way about it. Be gentle with me (even though I am not gentle with you, my dear readers)

Endless thanks to my beta @runawaydr3amerao3 for all her help in making this so much better than I could have & for her comma wrangling <3 Endless thanks also to @talltalesandbedtimestories for getting me involved in this whole bingo thing & cheering me on <3

Jensen is no stranger to character bleed. It’s happened before. Some characters are just too heavy. 

It’s happened with Dean a few times. Hard scenes that invade his dreams for days afterwards. Character arcs that refuse to leave when he sheds Dean to put Jensen back on and leave him snapping at everyone. 

This is different, though. This is like the character has taken on a life of its own in his head. 

Jensen is no stranger to sex dreams either. He’s a healthy guy in his mid-thirties with no long-term partner and a job that takes up almost all his life. 

Jerking off at 3am because he woke up hard from a dream of some faceless someone riding him like a mechanical bull, and his alarm is going to go off in just over an hour and he’d really like to sleep a little more and sleep won’t happen until he deals with his cock, is just another part of life. 

This is different as well. This isn’t a faceless stranger. He knows the person haunting his dreams. 

Intimately. 

Jensen has dreamed about Dean lots of times. He’s an old friend. 

This is not his Dean. 

~~~

Demon Dean was a challenge. He started out fun to play, a nice mix-up. A chance for extended scenes with Mark, to let out Dean’s inner asshole. A sex scene - awkward - and a fight scene - awesome. The black contacts weren’t fun but overall it was a good time. 

Up until filming the third episode, when he had to act against Jared again, and suddenly Demon Dean wasn’t fun anymore. Then it was hard. Then it was fighting against every acting instinct that came with ten years of Dean, ten years with Jared. 

Not Dean, Sam’s brother anymore; Demon Dean, Sam’s enemy. It was a hard headspace to get into. Chasing Jared around the bunker with a hammer was brutal. He couldn’t even truly lose himself in the character because he still had to direct everyone else. 

Then it was over. Just three episodes and he was free to lose the murder shirt and style his hair properly again. 

And he’s proud of his work. Especially ‘Soul Survivor’. It’s always a challenge to balance actor and director, but he’s thrilled with how it turned out. He made Demon Dean a true threat to Sam, and as long as he doesn’t examine that too closely, it’s okay. 

But it’s been a couple of weeks since they finished ‘Soul Survivor’, and Jensen is still waking up sweating after dreams about black eyes and the words ‘do it’ ringing in his ears. 

~~~

Look, Jensen is a perfectly sane guy. He has a great handle on his mental health, knows the signs of when he needs to reach out. Hell, after ten years of helping Jared, Jensen would say he probably knows more about mental health than most people who don’t actually suffer with mental health problems. 

So while he knows that his dreams of weapons, black eyes and the thrill of the chase are just character bleed, he also knows that he needs to be aware in case they develop into something serious. 

But nothing he knows tells him what to do when he starts to look forward to his dark dreams. 

Jared might be able to help, though. 

So a few days later, when he wakes up hard and aching after dreaming about Demon Dean fucking his throat raw - all while holding a knife to it - after he’s taken care of the problem, he texts Jared - once he’s washed his hands, of course. 

It’s still early, but Jared gets up hours before he needs to, to work out and walk his dogs and generally become a person. A far cry from Jensen, who falls out of bed after four snoozes of his alarm and downs coffee until his eyes open. 

Jensen: You up?

Jared: Yeah, lol. Why are YOU up?

Jensen: Can’t sleep. Can I ask you something? 

There’s a pause and Jensen thinks maybe Jared’s sitting down or something. No one asks to talk at 3:30am. He isn’t expecting the phone to ring in his hand. 

“‘Lo.” 

“You okay? Not like you to be up at this time, never mind asking if you can ask me something.” 

This is exactly what Jensen didn’t want. Now he has to try and explain himself with words instead of text. 

“I’m okay. Just… Do you even dream about Sam?” 

Jared lets out a small laugh; Jensen can hear the relief. 

“All the time, man. All the fucking time. You don’t dream about Dean?” 

“Yeah, I do. I mean… like, weird dreams about Sam?” 

Jared hums. 

“I had a recurring dream that he kept showing up to my high school graduation and glaring at me. Like I was an asshole for finishing school, y’know.” 

Jared chuckles.

“Or when I’ve gone a little too hard on the candy and there’s Sam, staring at me from across a table with a pile of salad in front of him. Like, okay, dude. You’re a health nut, I’m not. That kind of weird?”

God help Jensen, Jared is going to make him spell it out. 

“Not exactly…” 

Jared must hear something in his voice because he starts to laugh, far too loudly for the time of day. 

“Ohhhh… that kind of weird. Jackles, you pervert, you.” 

This was a terrible idea, why did he even message Jared? He’ll never live this down now.

“No, not like- I mean, that kind of weird but not… Stop fucking laughing, Jared.” 

Jared has gone from laughing to belly laughing; Jensen can hear him fighting for breath. 

“I’m sorry...”

“You’re not.” 

“No, I’m not. This is too funny. Hollywood hot-shot Jensen Ackles all in knots at 3am because he had a wet dream-” 

“I fucking DID NOT!” 

He did, though, night after night. 

“Why are you blushing then?” 

“I’m no-” 

Damnit, he is. He can feel his cheeks heating up. 

“It wasn’t a wet fucking dream, Jared. I’m not thirteen, for chrissakes. It was just a weird dream and it kinda freaked me out.” 

“A weird sex dream, you mean.” 

“Yes.” 

Jared is still laughing but it’s starting to die down now. 

“Okay, calm down. Yes, I dream about Sam. Yes, sometimes they’re weird. Yes, sometimes they’re sex-dreams-weird. Hell, I dream about fucking Sam more than I dream about fucking anyone else.” 

Jared sounds perfectly at peace with this revelation, and if it was regular Dean that Jensen was dreaming about, he might get it. 

“I mean, it’s either dream about fucking Sam or dream about fucking you . I’ll take Sam any day.” 

Jared starts fake gagging and Jensen is over this entire conversation. 

“Okay, good talk. Thanks, Jared. I’ll see you in a little while. Let’s just forget this ever happened.” 

“Wait. You know I’m only messin’ with you. You can talk-” 

*Click*

Well, that was a waste of time. Jared sounded sincere at the end, but Jensen is too embarrassed to even try to talk now. Hopefully by the time he has to face Jared in the car, Jared will have found something else to talk about. 

~~~

Jared was smart enough not to bring up the early morning phone call, and after a brief hug and a nod, they were all good. 

Demon Dean, though? He’s dining out on the call, milking Jensen’s embarrassment for all it’s worth. 

It’s a special kind of humiliation when someone is three fingers deep in your ass and you’re moaning like a whore, and they bring up an awkward 3am call you had with your best friend a few days ago. 

“So you think this is weird, huh?” 

Jensen never doubted Dean’s swagger was well earned, but Demon Dean turns it up to eleven. Jensen hasn’t come this hard since he was a teen, and it’s part of the reason he looks forward to these damn dreams, even though they freak him the fuck out. 

“‘Cause you sure seem to like it.” 

Demon Dean twists his fingers and Jensen howls.  

“You like being here, at my mercy. You like when it hurts, when you’re scared. When I take it.” 

Jensen’s hips buck. God, he’s so close. 

“This is where you should be. That pretty face needs to be sucking cock or face down in the sheets.” 

Jensen isn’t eighteen anymore, he’s not new to the scene and insecure about himself. He knows he’s a good actor, a good director, a fucking professional. But something about Demon Dean cuts through all that and suddenly he’s a kid again, doubting everything. It makes him even harder. The pitch black eyes and the waves of menace rolling off Demon Dean make Jensen legitimately scared of him, even though he knows it’s just a dream. 

“Does it feel weird , Jensen?” 

Jensen can only moan in response. It’s so fucking good. 

“Answer me!” 

There’s the cold and heavy weight of a hammer pressing into his Adam's apple, and when Jensen opens his eyes, Demon Dean’s own ice black is all he can see. 

“N…no.” 

He’s rewarded for his answer by a hard thrust in and upwards. He’s right there, he can taste it. 

“N…no.” 

Demon Dean mocks him. 

“No, it doesn’t look like it, either. Looks like you’re having a blast. Cunt so tight around my fingers. Looks like you’re right where you should be.”

Jensen can’t breathe. 

“Say it. Say you feel right here, cunt stuffed full of me.” 

“I…”

“Say it, Jensen. Or I’ll stop.” 

“Fuck. Fuck… I feel right.” 

“That’s it. This is what you’re good for, isn't it? Just a pretty boy to get fucked.” 

“Ju-just a pretty boy to get fucked. Fucking… please!” 

Demon Dean smiles coldly. 

Jensen wakes with a groan, hips still thrusting into the mattress as he soaks the sheets.

More laundry. He should buy more sheet sets. 

~~~

Jared pulls Jensen aside a couple of weeks after the call. They’re out with some cast and crew from that week's episode, just relaxing, having some drinks and blowing off steam after a difficult shoot. 

Jensen really doesn’t want to be there, doesn’t want to be anywhere, really. But he couldn’t refuse, not without prompting more questions. So he paints on a smile, sticks to beer and tries to let the conversations happen around him without getting involved. 

Jared must notice his discomfort and grabs him on a trip to the bathroom. 

“You alright, dude?” 

Jensen sighs internally. He doesn’t want to do this. 

“I’m fine, just tired, y’know.” 

Jared cocks his head a little; looks at Jensen too closely. 

“You wanna get out of here? I’ll split an Uber with you?” 

God yes. But then it will be questions on Monday and he can’t with that. 

“No, I’m good. Besides, you’re having a good time. You don’t gotta leave on account of my old ass.” 

Another head tilt, Jared really can be a puppy at times. Normally, Jensen adores this caring side of his friend. But he’d give anything to have that focus aimed away from him right now. 

“Jen…” 

“I’m fine! Okay. I’m fucking tired, it’s been a long week. Let’s just… get another drink or something. Okay?” 

Jensen didn’t mean for Dean to come out of his mouth then. It happens, but not usually in temper like that. Jared holds his hands up in surrender and lets Jensen walk past him, back to their group. 

~~~

He’s on his knees, Demon Dean’s cock buried in his throat. It hurts, he can’t breathe, but it feels so good. 

“Fuck, that’s it. Choke on it. Gonna get that throat all fucked out.” 

Jensen moans and digs his fingers into Demon Dean’s hips. 

“Gotta help you find Dean’s voice somehow. Know you’ve been having trouble with that.” 

Demon Dean runs a hand through his hair as he says it and Jensen forgets to be offended.

“That’s it. That’s it. Pretty mouth on my cock. Just like it should be.”

~~~

Something isn’t right with Jensen. Everyone can see it. He’s just not present anymore. Not totally at least. He gives it his best on set, but he just can’t seem to find the right headspace anymore. Scenes that he would knock out in two takes, max., are taking six/seven/eight now. 

Jared is beside himself with worry. 

“Jensen, please. If you won’t talk to me, talk to someone, anyone. Please!”

“I’m fine, Jay.” 

Weary smile. Tired eyes. 

“Jensen. Is this about those dreams you were having?” 

“No! Of course not. Anyway, I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Jen…” 

“Night, Jared.” 

~~~

“I should just keep you here, Jensen. In your mind with me, all the time. Think how good it would be, nothing to worry about. Just pleasing me.” 

“Please…” 

“So fuckin’ pretty. Made to be laid out on silk sheets and just fucked . Over and over and over. This is where you should be.” 

“Fuck…” 

“Too much pressure out there. Acting, directing, managing your life. Wouldn’t you rather stay here, just us?” 

“Yes. Fuck yes. With you.” 

~~~

It comes to a head during the filming of ‘The Executioner’s Song’. An absolutely pivotal moment for Dean, and Jensen just cannot get his head in the game. Everyone is frustrated, including Jensen. 

But as always, it’s Jared that breaks the spell in the end. 

“C’mon, dude. Get it together. I’m sick of redoing this scene.” 

It’s said with humour, but Jensen can hear the tension and frustration underneath. 

The words spill out of him, without thought.

“I think I’m gonna quit…” 

Jared just looks at him, slack-jawed. There’s silence for a minute. Thankfully they’re in a quiet corner of the set while the crew resets the equipment… again. 

“What?” 

It’s said so softly, Jensen almost doesn’t hear it. 

“I think… I’m not cut out for this. I should quit. This isn’t what I should be doing.”

Jensen says it calmly, as if he’s pondering what to have for lunch. But when he looks at Jared again, he’s floored by what he sees.

Jared is crying. His eyes are full of tears, one is tracing its way down his cheek. He’s clenching his jaw, but Jensen can see the wobble. Jensen is reminded of filming ‘All Hell Breaks Loose Part II’, wiping away the stray tear that fell as Dean mourned Sam. 

It’s like the fog lifts from Jensen’s eyes. He realises what he just said. 

“Jared…” 

He reaches out to touch his friend, but Jared turns and walks away without a word. 

Jensen just watches, unable to move, as Jared goes to the crew and tells them he needs to go home. The director tries to beg Jared to stay, saying they’re already so behind schedule - a glance in Jensen’s direction at that. Jared is unmoved, though. Jensen hears him say that even if ‘he’ - meaning Jensen again, of course - can get it together, they won’t get anything usable from him today, and he’ll be back on set bright and early tomorrow to get it done. 

Shame, hot and sick, fills Jensen. What has he done… 

Jared has already left by the time Jensen gets his things together. The car that usually drives them both to and from set is waiting for him, though. Jared had said he was going to make his own way home. No one wanted to argue. 

The ride home for Jensen is smothered in thick silence. Not even a goodbye is exchanged with the driver when they pull up outside Jensen’s apartment building. 

What has he done…

What has he let himself become? 

He spends the evening drinking bourbon from the bottle and stopping himself from calling Jared. Even with the early finish, it’s still late - by normal standards - and he’s tired from the day. The bourbon speeds the process along and it’s not long before his head is hitting the pillow. 

Jensen is well into the dream before he realises this is one. It’s almost like lucid dreaming, these nightly visits with Demon Dean. But he’s never tried to control them, just takes what Demon Dean gives to him. 

Tonight, though, tonight he sees through the veil. So to speak. 

Demon Dean is above him, watching him with those blank, black eyes and that cold smile, distorted by the grimace of effort he’s putting into fucking Jensen as hard as he can. He’s got two fingers buried in Jensen’s mouth at the same time and he’s spouting the usual shit, but this time, Jensen knows it’s shit. 

“God, wish I could fuck your mouth and cunt at the same time. Both so fucking tight and pretty.” 

He thrusts deeply and Jensen groans around the fingers before spitting them out in disgust. Demon Dean doesn’t seem to notice. 

“Fuckin’ perfect here, right where you’re meant to be, getting this tight hole fucked sloppy. Just what you’re good for.” 

Jensen snaps, or breaks free. He’s not sure. 

With a roar of anger, he bucks his hips upwards, uses the momentum to shove Demon Dean over onto his back. Jensen goes with him, ends up straddling his waist, feeling Demon Dean’s hard cock resting against his ass, no longer inside him. 

With the demon beneath him, Jensen raises a fist to punch him, break his nose, his cheekbone, his jaw, anything. But those depthless black eyes and that cold fucking smirk stop him. Demon Dean would welcome the violence. Jensen is not a violent man, not unless he has to be. 

He has to be here. Has to take back control in the only way Demon Dean understands. 

He wraps his hand around the throat beneath him, squeezes just a little. Just to test. 

“You fed my demons long enough. No more.” 

The laugh that comes from below him is a little strained, a little wheezy. Jensen brings his other hand up, wraps them both around Demon Dean's neck, thumbs crossing over the Adam's apple. 

“Fed your demons? Jensen, you created mine.” 

Jensen squeezes. Hard. Tight. His arms shake with the effort. The face beneath him goes red, then purple. But the body never fights to break free. The hips under him squirm and thrust. 

Tighter. 

Harder. 

Jensen is sure something is going to pop, unsure if it will be him. 

Right as his arms are about to go limp, unable to hold the tension anymore, he feels the cock behind him twitch, kick and then shoot hot over his ass. When he looks into the face under him, the eyes appear to roll back. 

But instead they just morph to green, the same green eyes he’s seen in the mirror every day of his life. 

His hands fall from his own throat and the body under him takes a deep breath. 

Not Demon Dean anymore, only Jensen. 

Jensen wakes with a shout, his hips churning into the sheets and mattress below him, cock still spurting cum into his boxers. 

He’s soaked in sweat and when he realises what woke him - strangling Demon Dean and watching him morph back into Jensen - he feels new cold sweat break out all over him. 

Is it over? Is he free from Demon Dean’s spell? 

He needs to call Jared… 

But first, where did he put those new sheets?