#1. his biggest fear is the full moon and someone getting hurt

[justcallmemrslupin]

Why I Hate ATYD & Most Marauders Fanfics (And Why That's Not a Crime)

Let me get this out of the way: I don’t hate fanfiction. I read it. I write it. I live for Remus/OC — and some Remadora — stories. I’m a Lupin lover through and through.

But ATYD and the Marauders fandom? I can’t take it.

It’s not just personal preference. It’s the way they twist canon Remus into someone entirely unrecognisable. Let’s break it down, shall we?

1. "Lyall was abusive, Remus grew up in an orphanage."

NOPE.

Lyall and Hope were loving parents who gave up everything for their son. They became outcasts with him. That’s why Remus was withdrawn; not because he was mistreated, but because he didn’t want to hurt the people who cared.

2. "Remus stood up to his friends all the time."

Uh… no.

He disagreed with them often, but he didn’t put his foot down. Why? Because he had never had friends before. His dream was to belong. He didn’t want to lose them. Even Dumbledore made him a prefect to control them... and he failed! Remus was kind, loyal, and lonely. Not confrontational.

3. "Remus was emotionally unstable, especially before the full moon."

Wrong again.

He was the most self-controlled character in the series. The moon only affected him when it was full. The rest of the time, he worked harder than anyone to stay calm, in control, and kind. That’s literally the core of his character.

4. "Remus was a drug addict/dealer." Are you actually serious?

The man feared losing control more than anything. He suffered for something he couldn't help. You really think he’d go out and choose to be out of control? Miss me with that nonsense.

Now. W*lfstar.

My distaste for The Ship Which Must Not Be Named isn’t because it’s M/M or non-canon. I love Grindelore, for example. It’s canon and complex and fascinating.

But W*lfstar? Not even close. And here’s why:

• Sirius wished for a full moon when he was bored. Remus replied darkly. Why? Because it hurt. He even asked Sirius to study with him. Sirius brushed him off.

• The prank. Sirius exposed Remus’s biggest secret to Snape. An intense teenage boy in love doesn’t risk his partner’s life. He didn’t even think about what could’ve happened: Remus being expelled or even executed. That’s not love. That’s being reckless.

• Sirius didn’t leave Remus anything in his will. Nothing. Even though Remus was dirt poor due to Umbridge’s laws. Sirius knew this. He told Harry! Forgetting a friend is bad. Forgetting a lover? Unthinkable.

(And for the record: James supported Remus financially after Hogwarts. James did what Sirius never did.)

• Sirius didn’t trust him. He literally told James to trust Peter over Remus. Again, not the actions of a man in love.

And:

• Sirius was way closer to James than to Remus. Canon says it. The books say it. Everyone (even Madame Rosemerta!) who talks about Sirius says he was always with James. Ocasionally they mention Pettigrew being with them. Not once do they mention Lupin.

• Dumbledore said Harry was the person Sirius loved most. Not Remus.

• Canon says Remus had never been in love before Tonks.

• Canon also says Sirius “always got the women.”

Come on.

The Marauders fandom doesn’t just flatten Remus. They flatten everyone.

• Sirius becomes soft and feminine.

• James becomes a shy sweetheart.

• Peter is just a poor misunderstood baby.

• Lyall is turned into an abuser.

• Dumbledore becomes a villain.

Oh, and they make everyone queer. It was the 1970s, for Merlin’s sake. Yes, we can and should have queer representation. Canon gives us Dumbledore. Dean/Seamus had bi subtext. James and Sirius? Bi-coded. Remus? Aroace-coded. Let’s celebrate that. Not erase it to push modern fantasies.

This isn’t about hating fanfic. It’s about keeping canon clear.

Write what you love! Ship what you want! But stop pretending it’s canon. And stop bullying people who quote the actual books and dare to say: “That’s not Remus.”

I’ve spent more than 20 years studying this character. I trust J.K. Rowling (complicated though she may be) to know her own creation. And if you don’t like what canon says? Fine! I also hate that Remus died and write fanfics about him surviving. But don’t twist it and call it truth.

Remus Lupin deserves better.

Let’s honour the real man.

Let’s honour canon.

Let’s spread the gospel of Lupinism. 🐺

[xsoulfulwriterx]

My Top 25 Headcanons for Mr. Stubborn!💜🐺

Remember, this is MY headcanon, so it’s not right or wrong, just different opinions!

Next character I’m doing today is Mr. Stubborn!

Let’s begin…

1. Mr. Stubborn is a werewolf and was born to a dysfunctional werewolf family.

2. He was 7 years old and Miss Stubborn was 5 when they were separated as Mr. Stubborn went with his mother while his sister went with her father, and they didn’t get to reunite until they were adults, and it took time to bond.

3. He has irrational fear of newspapers.

4. His favourite icy pole flavour is cola.

5. He once had a crush on Mr. Grumpy at High School, but being a werewolf, he knew he wasn’t his mate and moved on silently and now he’s with Miss Bossy, who’s his soulmate.

6. He can turn into a werewolf at will but the only time he can’t control is under full moon.

7. His biggest fear is hurting someone he loves.

8. Since werewolves and werecats are enemies in general, Mr. Stubborn and Mr. Grumpy do fight in their animal form of Mr. Stubborn in his wolf form and Mr. Grumpy in his panther form.

9. His favourite colour is shamrock green.

10. Other than Miss Chatterbox and Mr. Scatterbrain, he can actually communicate with animals.

11. He’s part Nigerian (from his mother’s side) and part Scottish (from his father’s side).

12. He’s allergic to silver due to being a werewolf but sterling silver is alright, sort of.

13. Mr. Stubborn can actually do rapping.

14. He likes to build mini houses secretly and Miss Chatterbox’s collection of mini furnitures were all thanks to Mr. Stubborn with mini houses.

15. Mr. Stubborn hates Mr. Rude more than Mr. Grumpy, surprisingly.

16. He’s scared of needles (vaccines wise) as he’s afraid of sharp objects.

17. He was once in a High School Marching Band as a drummer.

18. Mr. Stubborn’s mother worked in a navy as a captain.

19. He can actually speak fluent Spanish and he learnt it by pure curiosity, even though he won’t admit it.

20. His favourite flower is the moonflower.

21. He actually likes standing in the rain.

22. His biggest pet peeve is dumb jokes and puns.

23. His favourite planet in the Solar System is Saturn.

24. He can actually touch his nose with his tongue.

25. Mr. Stubborn’s favourite genre in books is action.

Which character should I do next?

Please let me know and remember, you’re all worthy and enough!🪷💕

[littlemisspascal]

Death and an Angel part 6

Helmetless + Death!Din and Cupid F!Reader

Summary: Three things happen at once. 

He pulls his glove off and tosses it aside. You forget how to breathe.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2,114

Warnings: Swearing, backstory, angsty angst, fluffy fluff, mutual pining finally acknowledged, overuse of italics, don’t mess with Din’s Cupid or he’ll kill you

Author Note: Important please read this! Ok, so if you’ve been following along you’ll know I had no outline for this originally. And well, that’s come back to bite me. I had to make an edit to Part 2, a small one but still the very beginning will look marginally different if you’ve read it before today’s date Dec. 16, 2020. Basically, I took away the implication that You don’t know exactly how You became a Cupid. So, yeah. Hopefully moving forward I’ll be better handling all this *awkward shuffling*. As always, thank you for all the support and I appreciate every one of you so much ❤

Links to Part 1 and Part 5 and Part 7

Cross-posted on AO3.

Photo Inspiration:

Silence floods the ship in the wake of your admission, stifling and charged with enough tension you fear breathing too loud will set off a chain reaction with disastrous results. It makes the hair on the back of your neck prickle, every instinct inside of you screaming to teleport away, if only so you no longer have to see Din stubbornly trying and failing to hide his internal turmoil behind a mask of indifference. 

When he opens his mouth, you tense but the question slices through you all the same. “When?”

You hesitate, making a face. “Din, we really don’t have time for this. Let’s just move on—”

Without warning, the hand holding your elbow slides to your wrist and twists, turning your palm up for inspection. Din stares at the blank expanse of skin, then slowly his gaze lifts, and he releases you as if you’ve poisoned him.

“You’ve never lied to me before, angel. Did you honestly think now was the best time to start?” he asks, and something breaks inside of you when he looks at you as if you’ve become a total stranger to him.

But before any pain can begin to sink in, anger overcomes you as his assumption registers.

“I’m not lying, you asshole,” you say sharply, feeling a faint pulse of petty satisfaction when you notice the subtle way his stance shifts defensively, betraying his surprise at your boldness. Resting your hands on your hips, you fix him with your fiercest glare. “For all that you are a powerful ancient being of the universe, you are also the biggest, most ignorant fool I’ve ever met. You have absolutely no idea how Cupids become Cupids, do you?”

You don’t offer him even a second to respond, too wound up and fueled by the overwhelming desire to make him get it. To make him understand you’re not purposefully trying to hurt him. If it were up to you, you’d make sure he never felt any kind of pain. But that would require having a choice and that is the one thing the universe did not grant you as a Cupid.

“Every Cupid was once a mortal with a soulmate,” you explain, choosing each word with careful precision while watching his face to make sure his focus never wavers. “And every one of us was rejected by them. When we die, we’re transformed into Cupids, losing our soulmate markings in the process.” When you feel your bottom lip begin to wobble, you pause to take a steadying breath. “You asked me before, what is the true purpose of a Cupid? It’s to help others find the kind of love we never experienced for ourselves.”

Din stands there in front of you, still staring passively, and you’re scared for a moment your words have made no difference, but then his jaw clenches so tightly you hear his teeth grinding. 

“You were rejected?” he growls, vicious and guttural, the sound of a feral beast.

He pivots, fist colliding with the wall with enough force it dents the metal beneath his knuckles. You flinch at the noise, shocked at the abuse he’s inflicted upon his beloved ship. Every bone in his hand should have shattered upon impact, but because Death is immune to such damage he merely turns back to you, breathing raggedly and eyes blackened with rage.

“Tell me his name.”

You’ve already begun shaking your head before you say, “So you can go hunt him down? Hell no. Trust me, it doesn’t matter.”

Instead of pacifying him, this only infuriates him further. “How can you say that? That bastard broke your heart when he was supposed to cherish you, protect you, love you above all else.”

“You think I don’t know that?” you ask peevishly, letting your temper get the better of you. Sparing a moment to mentally count to ten, you quietly reveal, “I can say it doesn’t matter because I don’t even remember who he was. There is no point sending you to kill someone who’s face I can’t pick out of a crowd.”

The sudden way Din’s whole body slumps in response to the news, like a puppet whose strings have been cut, expression scrunched and dumbfounded, would have made you laugh if the circumstances were entirely different. Being what they are, you can only meet his stare evenly, silently assuring him you’re not joking in the slightest.

“I don’t understand,” Din says at last, looking like he wants to approach but is unsure you’ll welcome his nearness so he keeps his distance. “You never told me you had memory loss before. What happened to you?”

You shrug helplessly. “I don’t know. For as long as I’ve been a Cupid, all my memories from my mortal life have dark spots, like something poked holes in them.”

Din glances away as he mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like ‘Or someone’ but before you can comment, his tone rises to its usual volume as he says, “Is this why you collect all those old newspapers? To try to help you remember?”

You recall with embarrassment him having previously commented on the pile in your living room. That moment feels like years ago, the two of you sitting in your apartment and Din asking...if Cupids were on the list of potential soulmates. Was that his way of asking if you were on the list? Surely not. He’s much cleverer than that.

...Isn’t he?

“I just,” you shake your head, refocusing on the current conversation. “I keep thinking maybe I’ll find something that fills in the gaps. I don’t like this pit in my stomach, this feeling that I’ve forgotten something important.” You huff a self-deprecating chuckle. “Other than my soulmate, I mean.”

He offers you a smile, small and lopsided, likely meant to be consoling, but you see right through it. You see his pain in the tightness around his mouth, in the way his fingers flex at his sides like it’s taking all his self-control not to reach out to you. Your confession has hurt him. Badly. It’s the kind of hurt no amount of bacta can heal.

The silence returns, different than the one usually experienced during hyperspace in that it wishes to be broken, for someone to say something, anything. You would grant its wish except your thoughts are a jumbled mess inside your head. Deep down, there is a part of you which knows there is nothing you can say that will fix this—this being the chasm forming between you and Din, widening with every passing second spent staring wordlessly at each other. 

Would telling him sooner have prevented this heartbreak? Probably. But looking back, you can’t think of an opportune moment. You had never thought your crush could be requited—not just because you were already matched, but also because it had always seemed so ridiculous, imagining the great and powerful Death feeling anything remotely close to affection for an unimportant, low-ranking Cupid. 

“Angel,” Din begins after a few minutes, his voice anchoring you back in the present. He’s staring over your shoulder, brow furrowed thoughtfully and you can practically hear the gears turning inside his head. “Earlier, you said you didn’t tell your boss I was your client. Why didn’t you?”

“I-I don’t know,” you stutter, before an unexpected wave of boldness comes over you. Digging your finger into the armor on his chest, you remind him, “You came to me first, remember? Not them. So, I figured you didn’t want them knowing.”

“I couldn’t care less who knows,” Din deadpans.

“Oh.” You blink, hand falling back along your side, because what else can you say.

“You want to know what I think?” Oh Maker, he’s stepping closer until there’s only a foot of space between you two. His voice is a low, raspy murmur, sending your heartbeat into overdrive. “I think you didn’t want them knowing because you like being the only angel who does.”

You start to squirm, fight or flight instincts at total war with each other. His theory isn’t too far from the truth, making it all the worse hearing it out loud because it practically oozes possessiveness which is exactly what you’d feared.

“Before you pull away from me again,” Din continues, knowing you and your mind too damn well. “I want you to listen when I say nothing that you’ve told me changes how I feel about you.”

“Din—” you try, only for your voice to crack.

Then three things happen at once.

He pulls his glove off and tosses it aside. You forget how to breathe.

“I’ve been alone my entire existence and I kept telling myself that was how the universe intended it to be. That I couldn’t love anyone because I kill everything I touch.” A smile pulls at his lips when he looks down at his bare hand and a note of awe slips into his voice. “Then you came along, beautiful and clumsy and unafraid to call me out for being an ass. I started looking forward to each full moon because it meant I got to see you and admire every new detail about your life you chose to share with me. And then when this appeared,” he nods towards the soulmate marking, gleaming faintly beneath the overhead lighting, “all I could think of was you.”

You feel your throat becoming thick as you blink back tears, inhaling sharply through your nose. “Why didn’t you say anything at the train station? Why would you let me try to set you up with matches if you liked me that way?”

Din grimaces, abashed. “Because after you said there weren’t any Cupids on your list, I realized you didn’t know I liked you. I convinced myself I had to show you how I felt, instead of tell you. Although,” he holds up a finger, backtracking, “I actually almost did confess, on our way to Sorgan, but you stopped me. And that just further convinced me actions spoke louder than words. I knew none of the people you found me could ever compare with you, so I thought once you saw each unsuccessful connection, you’d realize the only hand I want to hold is yours.”

“Din, it can’t be me.” Your protest is weak, on the verge of caving in, forcing you to try another angle. “I can’t have two soulmates.”

He inhales a breath so sharp and unexpected, it startles your poor heart into skipping a beat.

Din looks at you like you’ve gifted him all the stars in the galaxy, brown eyes blown wide with hope. “Angel, do you mean it? That you consider me—”

“Of course, you idiot.” You attempt a laugh, but it comes out sounding broken and forced. “As Death, as Din, as whoever you want to be, I’ll always consider you. But...what if what happened on Sorgan happens to us? What if the universe doesn’t favor us?”

“I just want to be yours.” Din extends his hand towards you. “And if that means breaking the universe’s rules, then fuck it. We’ll make up our own. Together.”

Time seems to stand still, like you’ve entered a realm separate from the rest of the universe where you’re able to forget you have a complicated past, filled with holes and a soulmate who rejected you. Here it’s just you, Din, and his offer to love you unconditionally. Here you have a choice.

And it’s the easiest one you’ve ever made.

You slowly lift up your hand to hover in front of his, fingers trembling as they uncurl.

“Together,” you whisper.

And then your hands are moving to meet one another, closer and closer until his fingertips brush yours, sending a spark of warmth through your nervous system. Oh, Maker, you had described what you imagined a soulmate connection was like, but you had no idea this is the true experience. It’s like a sunrise dissolving midnight skies, lighting up your surroundings with breathtaking vibrancy. You can’t fathom how you survived all this time being in his presence without feeling his touch.

“Dank farrik,” he mutters hoarsely, sounding just as overwhelmed and awestruck as you feel.

You open your mouth, but instead of words a whimper of agony escapes instead. That lovely warmth spreading from your linked hands has started to boil, white-hot and furious. It’s as if all your internal parts have caught fire and are slowly withering to ash—your organs, your bones, even your kriffing blood. 

Your body crumples and Din cries out your name, but you don’t get to hear him say it, unconscious before your head collides with the floor.

Tag List:  @leilei-draws​, @theocatkov​, @becauseican2, @vintagesaph​, @stardust-and-starlight​, @kay2304, @odelia-d32, @adrieunor​, @remmyswritings​, @gallowsjoker​, @rhiannon-russo​, @randomness501​, @eleine-t1d​, @nicotinebirds, @sylphene​, @softly-sad​, @maytheglitter​, @melobee, @rogertaylorsfalsettogivesmehives, @eleinemk, @captain-jebi, @aerynwrites, @promiscuoussatan

[firsttarotreader]

Pedro's Special Birthday Reading 1

Happy Birthday, Pedro! 🎁🎂🎉🥳 Today is Pedrito's birthday and I have made some special readings on his 47th year that starts today. The first one is this amazing (and hard) Celtic Cross spread I'm gonna talk about now that was intended to show what the Tarot cards have for him this year until his next bday. I didn't focus on anything specific, not romance or work, but everything. A reading about his year. So, let's start.

The cards I pulled for this Celtic Cross were: The Hanged Man, 3 of Pentacles, 6 of Wands, The Sun, 5 of Wands, The Moon, 2 of Wands, Justice, 7 of Cups reversed and The Chariot.

His first card is The Hanged Man. Even though it looks like it's a bad card, it's actually not. This one is showing how committed he is at this moment in life. He is giving all he's got and he's dedicated to it. I took it as his committment to work right now, to his career. The man is full on into it. What might hold him back is the 3 of Pentacles. It's warning him to not let Ego get in his way. He's gonna need to accept help and ideas from other people, and to not let all his success get to his head or he could experience some emotional instability and anxiety issues. And talk about success! The head card is the 6 of Wands and it's showing what's in the surface right now for him, it's his present moment, and it's him full of energy and positive vibes and a great energy for success. Whatever he does this year is full of incredibly strong positive energy, the odds are at his favor and he's gonna have the strength and the will to make it happen the best way. That leads us to The Sun, that is the crucial point, the Name of The Rose, and it represents his most basic desires, what's really under the surface and the reason and moving force of his present moment and present cards. The Sun is light and warmth, consciouness, self-development, clarity, joy, fame. Pedro wants The Sun, with its warmth and light and success. He wants to BE in the Sun, metaphorically speaking. However, the 5 of Wands are his past influences, what he went through before and is now over. This card shows us how misdirected he was in the past. How hard he worked to see no results. The storm he went through, how much of an outsider he felt, never belonging and always hurt by others' opinions. He went through great doubt, he felt like he was making so much effort but things were not working out and he didn't know which way to go. He was frustrated and confused and he didn't know what to choose. But that is over now, and he needs to let go of this past for good.

Then, we have his future influences. The card is The Moon. His immediate future is warning him to not let this emotional weight from the past get in his way. He could get stuck in it and it's important to get out of his emotional comfort zone to not go backwards in his journey to self-development. Since the card is upright, it could mean he DOES have the strength to let it go, to not be emotionally attached to the past. He can reach the balance between mental, concrete and abstract. He might even return to these memories, the past and what's under the surface, but he will not be stuck. His current attitude is the 2 of Wands, and this is the action card. A lot of fire energy, growth and movement. The man is going for it and going hard, and I mean for his projects in life. He may have some challenges to face, but he's got what's needed to conquer them. He's dedicated, committed and full of energy. Then Justice is telling us how the world is seeing him, his friends, family, colleagues. They see him as a very balanced person, as someone who has reached a point of balance between emotional and rational, and he's also the fair man, the one that can listen to both sides, the man who can BE on both sides, if he judges it to be the correct answer. His hopes and fears are the 7 of Cups reversed. His biggest fear is to not have a choice, to not have opportunities and to be stuck to just one possibility. Remember we always say he's very flexible, always in movement and ever changing? He wants to keep that, he wants to have all the opportunities and possibilities and his biggest fear will be to limit himself or to be limited and to not have them. But fret not, Pedro, your closing card is The Chariot. There's only progress for you ahead! This card is saying he's on the right path, and he's moving forward, fast and strong, and this is gonna be a year of progress and movement for him!

Again, happy bday!!! 🎁🎉

[lunarmothsystem]

What is your opinion on the movie Split, if you have seen it, with regards to how it depicts DID? Because like I feel like someone with DID would be offended but at the same time don’t KNOW whether they actually would be? Like when I see anti-asexual or anti-Irish sentiment and think “Hmm. Well that is certainly offensive from an objective viewpoint, but am I personally offended?” I do feel like if the twist behind the ‘Beast’ alter being superhuman was that he had been bitten by a werewolf, because there were so many hints towards him being a werewolf and the whole backstory they gave the protagonist about being a hunter, I feel like it would have suited the story better and avoided the ‘all people with DID are evil’ trope. Am I saying this right?

Hi anon! This is a pretty good ask tbh and I appreciate you bringing it up! This is long and I apologize.

So personally we really hate Split the movie. There's a lot of things wrong with it and the way it demonizes DID systems is awful. Especially since they claim that the truth behind the system in the movie was that it was based off a real life system named Billy Milligan. There's documentaries on him and books and if you're interested you can research but know that most systems are NOT like that.

Now if you don't know much about Billy Milligan don't worry! There's a lot there but basically he used the fact he was a system as a way to get out of prison after doing terribly horrible and triggering acts. He ended up not going to prison but was hospitalized later.

He took no system responsibility and actually recently passed away (I believe he passed in 2014)

The issue about all of it was the way they portrayed systems in the movie. The fact out of everything they could have made this villain have they gave him DID for the shock value and the horror aspect. (lets not forget that most horror movies now kind of come from an abelistic lense. Like abandoned wheelchairs being used as horror aspects when they're normal mobility aids)

The other thing the main reason it sets us off is well two things

1) the therapist called the disorder by name making it something people would associate to a real life issue and thus out of fear further demonize the disorder. (which I understand wasn't the directors case BUT it was still harmful)

2) the way they showed alters. Even our worst persecutors (I say this with love) would NEVER harm or kidnap people. We were a product of severe abuse and while we may lash out because of it we would never hurt or kill someone.

Now the thing with systems is that if werewolves existed turning into a werewolf would be an everyone thing. The body would turn into a werewolf not the actual alter. Sure we have werewolf alters but when they front the body doesn't become a werewolf if that makes sense? so it wouldn't matter who was fronting when the bite happens or during the full moon whoever was fronting would be a werewolf.

Anything made by singlets about DID is going to be at least slightly offensive unless they have a ton of systems reading and editing things and those singlets actually put correct information into their writings.

Like even comedies like United States of Tara got it SUPER WRONG. Like the whole killing her persecutor in the end????

But anyway Split is bad and the biggest negative that ever happened because of that movie was- if you ask any system they'll have at least one account of

"Oh...so like split? Do you have an evil alter? Am I safe if you switch?" when coming out to someone you felt safe with as a system and it's so discouraging.

Best thing about DID in any form of creative media honestly is if systems wrote books or movies about their experiences. There's a lot of amazing artists, writers, directors who have DID it's just making these systems feel safe enough to create something from their experience without fear of repercussions.

The end- the whole conclusion is: We need less horror movies around DID and more other things like Slice of Life, Comedy, Drama that normalizes DID instead of making it a fear tactic/circus show. Something that is accurate to the disorder and not just a bunch of misinformation and fear mongering.

Sorry we rambled oooaaaa.

[love-me-my-anime-boys]

So imagine, what if All Might really did have a secret love child....?

Say Toshinori is with his high school girlfriend, the love of his life, his high school sweetheart, has dreams of becoming heroes together and becoming the most powerful dynamic duo. (sounds adorable right?) Then after Nana, his mentor, his mother figure is killed by All For One, and Gran Torino must send Toshi off to America for his own safety, and warns him that he will have to leave everything and everyone behind, even his high school sweetheart, for her own safety, and his. However even she doesn’t know the secret of One For All yet or the danger that Toshi would be in if he stayed, because he had yet to confide the biggest secret he held to her yet. On top of that he didn’t know how to tell her he was leaving for and undetermined amount of time, and for her own protection she would not be able to follow him. So the last night he would be with her, he plans on taking her out on an amazing date and he has every intention of telling her about having to leave to America to finish his training and that he will come back when he is done and they will spend their lives together as the heroes they dreamed of becoming. However things do not go according to plan...

They are out at a very fancy restaurant, dressed to kill, so to speak. She is in on of her fanciest of dresses and and matching pumps and he is in his best suit. The evening couldn’t be more perfect, the stars couldn’t be brighter, the moon couldn’t be fuller. The candles at the dinner table only helped bring out the love that shon in each other’s eyes. Only a single tear welled up in the corners of Toshi’s eyes. Everything was so perfect, but in his mind and in his heart everything he had tried to hold inside was about to spill out and he feared it was going to ruin their last night together. The tears going unnoticed by his girlfriend, she suggests they get out of there and go somewhere more private. So they leave the restaurant and go for a slow walk on the beach, hand in hand, her carrying her shoes in the other so she can feel the sand between her toes. All the while Toshi is rolling with emotions and trying desperately hard to keep it all inside, but his girlfriend knows how to read him, she knows something is bothering him. She tries to pry the answers out of him but all he can get himself to admit to her is how stunning she looks in the moonlight. Knowing he’s not going to go into any further detail of what’s really bothering him, she opts to distract him. She lets go of his hand and throws her shoes off to the side and starts to slip off her dress, Toshi completely bewildered asks what she’s up to, and she teasingly says she’s going for a swim, and suggests that he follow her. Never had they been so open about such things but it was fairly late and no one else was around, and if this was going to be their last night together, why the hell not. He tosses his evening jacket and tie and undresses while chasing her into the water, for a nice, intimate, skinny dip in the ocean. This seems to be enough to distract him from his worries for the time being. After they get out , they gather their clothes and make their way to a deserted beach house, and she starts a fire in the fireplace with her quirk and he goes to find some towels and hopefully some spare clothes that may have been left behind.

Toshi returns to find her in the bedroom, wrapped in a red sheet, sitting on the side of the bed, waiting for him. He is stunned by her beauty, they had never gone so far in their relationship up until this night. Toshi being so entranced how her skin glowed in the moonlight dropped what he was carrying and joined her on the bed, starting with slow, deep kisses, ending in the throws of passionate, lustful, love making. They were so happy and in love, how could he tell her everything now. He laid there on his back, her head on his chest, and his arm wrapped warmly and protectively around her, keeping her close and gently petting her hair like silk. He can’t sleep this night, so much noise in his head, but he won’t allow that to stir his girl on this night, she just looked so blissful and perfect, he wanted to soak this image into his memory forever. Because this may be the last time he will see her for a very long time, if ever again.

Morning came and she slowly wakes up, but she is alone. She looks around for Toshi, but all she can find is a little velvet box and a note that says that he is sorry for leaving like this but he will come back for her. That he hopes she will accept this ring as a promise that he will come back and explain everything to her when he can, that it must be this way for now for her safety. But her heart is breaking, she had no explanation, no good bye, nothing, and she couldn’t understand why he would do such a thing. What did he mean ‘for her own safety’, and she had no way of contacting him or finding out where he went. No one knew of his sudden disappearance and Gran Torino refused to spill the beans, only reiterated that it was indeed for her own good.

A couple months go by, and ever since that last night together, she has cried herself to sleep. Whether it was out of hurt, or anger, or hatred, or full on sorrow and loneliness, she sobbed until her eyes were swollen shut and her head hurt so bad she just passed out. Until she started waking up rushing to the bathroom to puke. At first she thought it was because of the heart break, but it continued for a few days so she began to believe it was the flu. However it continued for a lot longer than just a flu... she finally went to see a doctor and she is informed she is pregnant. Naturally she is in shock and keeps herself together until she gets back home and that is where she falls apart. She is pregnant with Toshi’s child and she has no idea where he is or how to inform him of this, and for all she knows, he may never be coming back. She does the only thing she can think of and reaches for her phone, there is only one friend that she knows will understand wholeheartedly and will know what to do and to help her through this. She dials up Kayama and has her come over. They sit on her bed and she has her head in Kayama’s lap, sobbing just as hard as she had been for the last couple of months, she tells her everything. Kayama stroking her hair comforts her, tells her they will figure it out, that she will not let her feel alone in this and that she will not have to raise the child alone, whether Toshinori returns or not, she is not going to let her best friend grieve over this any longer- Kayama is low key excited for a child to be around and she wants her friend, the mother of said child, to feel just as excited too. But first they have to do some investigating. Kayama leaves once her friend has been stabilized and has been talked out of ending the pregnancy, she goes straight to Gran Torino and she is determined to get some answers.

Gran Torino is just as much in shock that Toshi has fathered a child, but he will not give up the secret of his location. He does promise however to get word to Toshi of the recent news and tells Kayama that this child must be protected at all costs. If this child is gifted with One For All from Toshinori’s DNA, this child could save them all from AFO if All Might should fail. But they need a plan to protect the mother and child, she will need to go into hiding, no one can know that the soon to be number 1 hero has a child, at least not yet. Keeping this secret though was going to be a team effort, and there was only two others that Kayama knew she could trust with her life as well as this secret. She invited to Gran Torino’s was Shota and Hizashi. Kayama brought Toshi’s girlfriend and Gran Torino started to explain as much as he was free to. He confessed that Toshinori was in hiding to finish his training and he was going to come back and save everyone. But if he was to fail in that task, that his child would be destined to take his place, if the child goes undetected. So the group decided it was best to hide mother and child in plain sight. Hizashi agreed to act as the father for as long as necessary. If the child was born blonde, then Hizashi’s hair would be easy enough to explain away, and the mother also had blue eyes so they would say the baby got her eyes. And Hizashi would be at her side at every moment so everyone would have reason to believe that they were a couple and the child was reasonably his, not All Might’s. And whenever Hiazashi would be on patrol, Kayama and/or Shota would be there with her to keep her safe. They would be safe at all times.

Grab Torino kept his promise, he got word to Toshinori in America that his girlfriend he left behind was pregnant with his child. Toshi couldn’t believe this news, it was the best thing in the world to him but at the same time, he worried all the more for the safety of his love and now for his unborn child. He wanted to come back and be there for them and to protect them but Gran Torino convinced him he was not ready to return yet and that she was safe with the others, that if he returned that would only risk putting them in danger. It was in everyone’s best interest for Toshi to stay and finish his training and become the number one hero for the world. It broke Toshi’s heart all over again to stay away but he knew Gran Torino was right, he mustn’t come back without risking all of their lives. He hurt so much to know someone else would have to raise his child for now but he trusted in his friends and his high school sweetheart they were doing what was best and if he should fail in taking down AFO, then at least his child would be safe and raised and trained as a hero and succeed where he failed. He told Gran Torino that he would still accept all the responsibilities as the father, and begged him to tell his love that he was coming back for them no matter what.

Eventually the day came when Toshinori returned to Japan as All Might, making his debut saving hundreds of people from one disaster to the next, no villain didn’t quake in their boots at the sight of him. He was truly the number 1 hero he set out to be. But never did he stop looking for her, and occasionally he would catch glimpses of them, seeing her red hair glinting in the sunlight, arm in arm with Present Mic, and who must be his child, in Present Mic’s other arm, walking trough the park and smiling and enjoying each other’s company. Toshi stayed behind the crowd but close enough to hear his child squealing with delight when Present Mic shares his ice cream with the child and All Might’s heart just squeezes like he’s dying inside, but he is strangely happy about it. They are safe, they are happy and well cared for. As much as he wants to be the one on her arm and carrying his little, he knows it’s not safe for the truth to come out yet, but he prays that that day is not too far off. He could never thank Present Mic enough for sacrificing so much for his family, but he swore to himself he would make everything right one day. It was at that moment Toshinori locked eyes with the love of his life and everything inside her screamed for her to run to him but she knew better, their secret must still hold fast. At least now she knew he kept his promise and he came back for her, and he was near once again and she could sleep through the night again. Despite not being able to be with him for now, she raised her hand to rest on Hizashi’s shoulder, and with a content smile she offered back to Toshi, he saw she was wearing the ring he left for her on their last night together. And with that he smiled and knew that it was all going to work out in the end, some how, some way, but it would all be ok in the end.

[deathstroke-the-himbonator]

Dumb thoughts on the Child Avatars AU

I dunno, just some dumb ideas I’ve had since I started talking about the AU online/brainstorming about it. (Putting it under a readmore for everyone’s sake)

The “Daisy kidnaps Jon” situation in this AU is Daisy riding her bike to Simon Fairchild’s mansion, holding a water-gun up to both Mike and Jon’s heads, and ordering them to ride with her to the grocery store to buy soda and hang out at a nearby playground for the day. Cue Elias flipping tf out when Jon isn’t at Simon’s place when he goes to pick him up later, Simon being half asleep because he was napping while the kids hung out, and Mike getting soaked by Daisy before he agrees to go with her, and since this happens in, like, late fall or early winter, he gets pneumonia afterwards and can’t hang out for awhile, leading to the kids jokingly saying he’s dead. Btw the only reason the trio was found is because Basira was invited after they made it to the park, and she convinced Daisy to let the boys go home. Daisy literally only kidnapped them because she wanted to play with someone.

Also the Buried!Daisy arc is Daisy getting eaten by a Buried controlled sandbox and Jon jumping in after her. The rest of the kids, who thankfully witnessed this, spent the next three hours digging for them, with Breekon & Hope eventually joining in to help since they were in the area. Daisy and Jon form a trauma bond afterwards and are now best friends.

Jon keeps getting marked by shit and it’s stressing Elias out because hE’S NOT READY FOR THE WATCHER’S CROWN YET!!! He needs more time to prepare, but his son is literally getting marked faster than fucking Sonic.

Speaking of Sonic, seeing as the “Console Wars” (Sega vs Nintendo) are happening during this time period, the kids take the rivalry Very Seriously. The biggest arguments are had between Sasha, Daisy, Julia, and Mike, who are all on Team Sega, and Jon, Martin, Tim, and Danny, who are all on Team Nintendo.

Sasha, close to tears she’s so angry: “Sega DO what NintenDON’T, Tim!!!”

When Martin was born, he only had one thick clump of curly hair that was white, but as he’s grown older and entered the Lonely multiple times, more of his hair has begun to turn white. As of the time of the AU “starting” (so when he’s 8 years old), he looks like he has white highlights in his hair.

Trevor isn’t a fully-fledged Hunt avatar yet, but the girls more or less are, so if you’ve ever watched Wolf Children, that’s pretty much the situation Trevor is currently trapped in. His daughters keeping changing into wolf pups and running wild as he frantically tries to hide their powers from anyone who isn’t Gerry.

(All of the kids secretly know already, even Basira.)

Basira is pretty much the only “normal” kid of the avatar children, save MAYBE for Tim, but he’s been deeply marked by the circus and has a few tiny powers (think S3 Jon as he was figuring out some of his powers, but wasn’t a full-on Archivist just yet).

The season 1 gang (including Danny) are the closest group of friends in the AU, save for Daisy and Basira’s friendship, and they hang out a lot at each other’s homes on the weekends.

Adelard usually brings Jane with him for his “trips” away from the institute, so it’s not unusual for her to be gone for long periods of time. But she always sends postcards and gifts to the institute for everyone!

Helen is three years old, so theoretically she should be able to talk, but she rarely does so, preferring to communicate via giggles and laughter. Only Jon, the Stoker brothers, and Michael can understand her, and they take turns translating for everyone else.

Whenever she’s brought to the institute, Helen takes to toddling around after Jon and Martin, giggling up a storm the whole time. Jon finds it a bit annoying while Martin is endlessly amused by her antics.

A list of the guardian’s/adult’s ages before I fucking forget (as of when the AU “starts” in 1994): Gertrude Robinson - 62, Elias Bouchard “Jonah Magnus” - 51 (200+), Peter Lukas - 55, Simon Fairchild - 83 (300+), Gerard “Gerry” Keay - 30, Michael Shelley - 32, Alfred Grifter - Unknown, Adelard Dekker - 48, Nikola Orsinov - 30ish (100+), Annabelle Cane - 34 (Unknown), Trevor Herbert - 47, Agnes Montague - 25ish (60+), Jude Perry - 35, Jared Hopworth - 29, The Admiral - 10.

The “good” parents all keep trying to set up some kind of PTA meeting so they can actually talk about how to raise these supernatural kids properly, but it keeps going horribly wrong; last time they tried, Alfred Grifter and his band showed up and nearly made Simon go deaf, so no one wants to initiate the next attempt at a meeting.

Tbh, at this point the Fear rituals are more successful than Elias’s shitty attempts at forming a PTA.

At some point in the AU Gerry, Michael, and Trevor all pitch in to buy a decently big house together, which leads to some serious Shenanigans now that Melanie is around Michael and Trevor’s kids/wards... let’s just say there’s gonna be a lot of knife related accidents.

Gerry taught Melanie how to fight when he took her in and it is the single worst decision he’s ever made in his short, goth life, even if he’ll never admit it. Melanie can now beat the shit out of everyone but Julia and Daisy, and it’s pure chaos every time. Tim puts up a decent fight, but he’s been spoiled on easy wins over his brother all his life. Jon tries and fails to so much as push her. Martin runs away crying before Melanie even throws the first punch. Needless to say, the other kids are very cautious about playing with Melanie now.

None of the kids have an education of any kind except for Mike. I’m serious; the only kid who’s decently educated is being raised by Foxy Grandpa Off His Shits McGee! Julia and Daisy have had some public education but not much, Elias refuses to do anything but home-school Jon yet he sucks shit at math, Tim and Danny don’t even know what a school fucking looks like, Melanie and Jane were too young to go to school when they became avatars, Martin has only recently been allowed near other kids so fuck public school (Peter can do math but Nothing Else), Annabelle fucking forgot to give Sasha any kind of an education outside of Web stuff, and Helen is still a very small child. None of these kids have gone to school for more than a few years at most and dear g-d is that gonna suck for them later down the line.

As a result of this, Basira has taught the other kids a few things when she’s come over and insisted on playing “school” with everyone, but she’s still just a kid and can’t always get them to pay attention during her lessons.

Because of this Rosie, Gerry, Michael, and Gertrude have all started making an effort to more or less home-school all of the kids, which has gone... well enough, I suppose. However, things have recently taken a weird turn since Jon keeps giving everyone the answers to assignments/tests via telepathy.

Jon: Whoa, you can make tea all by yourself, Martin!? Martin: Yeah, I’ve been doing it by myself since I was a toddler. I can also do laundry, mop floors, vacuum, and cook a few things, too! Tim: Wow, that’s really cool, Martin! I wish I could do stuff like that. Gertrude, off to the side: *Gives Peter a horrified look* I’m sorry, but did Martin just say he’s been making tea on his own since he was a toddler? Peter:  ╮(╯ _╰ )╭  Unfortunately, I’m severely depressed.

Yeeeeeeeah, Martin’s in a similar childhood situation to his canon one, but at least there are people actually willing to help him out of it in this universe. Also, Peter will clean himself up at some point here, he’s just still dealing with more or less disowning himself from his family and learning hoe to not be so lonely.

Speaking Of Which, the Lukas family are pretty big antagonists in this AU, primarily through Peter’s mother (I’ll come up with a name for her later if I can’t find it on the wiki), who is trying to kidnap Martin and more or less feed him to the Lonely so Peter will get over his “childish feelings” and return to being her favorite child.

And yes, she DOES accidentally kidnap Jon instead at some point... this kid can literally not avoid getting kidnapped.

I like to think Mike and Julia are really good friends in this AU, being the closest in age and all. They hang out a lot since their dads are both so chill and won’t get upset about it, the two of them mostly just playing video games, watching movies, and biking around their respective neighborhoods together.

(Also they may or may not be responsible for a statement that involves a woman seeing a “flying wolf” passing over London... they’ve yet to confess to it, but Elias is dead certain they’re behind the incident.)

The worms incident is 100% Jane’s secret worm collection getting fucking loose... she was keeping them in the walls “for safe keeping” and No One Fucking Knew, not even Elias, until Jon saw a spider, punched the wall, and Revealed them.

Jon and Tim got their scars because Jane lost control of the worms and they burrowed into the kids. Cue a very panicked 999 call from someone in the institute and Child Services almost getting involved, but Elias managed to cover it up.

Afterwards, Jon is incredibly self-conscious about his worm scars, but Martin tells him “now we both have freckles!” and it honestly makes him feel a little better about the whole thing.

Also Adelard makes an effort to track down a child psychologist/counselor with institute ties so he can get Jane some therapy/help controlling her powers. He loves her to the moon and back, and he’s terrified of her getting traumatized by what she accidentally did.

During the incident, a Notthem gets loose from Artifact Storage and attacks Sasha, but seeing as Sasha is of the Web and the Notthem is connected to a Web artifact, it only manages to really hurt her, but thankfully not kill her. She ends up hospitalized for a few weeks, but comes out fine later on. The table mysteriously disappears afterwards, and no one knows if it was Gertrude or Annabelle’s doing, but either way, the kids never have to deal with a Notthem again.

At some point I wanna get into Jon’s paranoia in season 2 for this AU, but I’m considering changing it from being because of the Jane Prentiss issue to be because of Mr. Spider almost killing him. I dunno how exactly it’ll play out, but I think it has a lot of potential!

Okay, before I end this post full of weird rambling ideas for the AU, I wanna make a list of the powers that the kids have at the time of the story “starting”/the ones they develop down the line because Jonny Sims himself said that all avatars have different powers, and I really wanna infodump on my thoughts for the kids!

Current powers of Jonathan Sims-Bouchard: Can simply know things whenever he wants to (so long as the Eye lets him, but the Eye sometimes keeps him from knowing anything he isn’t mature enough to handle), can compel people to tell him things (the other kids are better at resisting it, and so are other people touched by the Eye), can survive on very little food if he’s fed mostly statements/other people’s trauma, can non-consensually feel the pain and emotions of the people around him, has some weak telepathy powers, and he can subconsciously summon tape recorders.

Future powers of Jonathan Sims-Bouchard: Increased healing abilities, can know most anything if he tries, ability to resist other Eye avatars’ compulsions, can survive purely off of statements/other people’s trauma, can choose whether or not to feel the pain and emotions of the people around him, has much stronger telepathy powers than before, can force himself into people’s minds and read their thoughts, and he can summon tape recorders at will (though some still show up without his knowledge sometimes).

Current powers of Martin Blackwood-Lukas: Can disappear into the Fog for several hours at a time (he cannot be seen by anyone but other Lonely avatars while in the fog), can summon clouds of fog that he can momentarily hide things in (including people), can “banish” most anyone into the fog, and has “Sea Captain Eyes” (he knows where the Tundra is at all times, and can lead someone to it without a map or compass).

Future powers of Martin Blackwood-Lukas: Can change his hair color at will (only to red, white, and a mix of the two colors), can see much better in the Fog and can find anyone he’s pushed into it, can more or less teleport using the Fog, and he has what’s more or less a pocket dimension of fog for storage/hiding his friends from danger (think the inside of Gems in Steven Universe).

Current powers of Tim Stoker-Orsinov: Can make small bipedal toys “come to life” for a few minutes at a time (they can’t talk or communicate; only move around and perform small tasks/dances), can tell when a Notthem is masquerading as someone else, is supernaturally talented at gymnastics, and can dance alongside the creatures of the Stranger without being fully corrupted by them.

Future powers of Tim Stoker-Orsinov: Better control over the powers he already has as well as a high tolerance for the Spiral.

Current powers of Danny Stoker-Orsinov: Can order around creatures of the Stranger against their will, can tell when a Notthem is masquerading as someone else, can dance alongside the creatures of the Stranger without being fully corrupted by them, is supernaturally talented at gymnastics, and can change his voice to anything he likes (not always intentionally, though).

Future powers of Danny Stoker-Orsinov: Can more or less “teleport” to other circus locations by walking into theaters, can now change his voice to whatever he likes with his knowledge and consent, can take over as the Stranger’s ringmaster if necessary, can trigger a mesmerizing dance whenever he’d like, and has a high tolerance for the Spiral.

Current powers of Sasha James-Cane: Can communicate with spiders and have them send messages to other Web avatars, can read minds if she tries really hard, can “trap“ other entities in large webs that she can summon (takes a lot of energy), and she has Spider-Man-like abilities (can walk on walls and ceilings, can carry much more than her weight should allow, etc).

Future powers of Sasha James-Cane: Can now read minds without too much effort, can navigate almost any area that’s being controlled/influenced by the Web, can create webs without nearly as much effort as before, can transform her body to have more arms, legs, and eyes, and she now has venomous fangs (which can thankfully be controlled and/or hidden).

Current powers of Alice “Daisy” Tonner: Can turn into a wolf at will/when she’s especially emotional, can smell blood from several miles away, and has supernatural senses/physical abilities.

Future powers of Alice “Daisy” Tonner: Can now track most any monster she’s hunting once she gets at least one good look at them, can communicate with other Hunters via howling, and can navigate the Buried if needed (though this is very triggering for her and will cause her to pass out afterwards).

Current powers of Julia Montauk: Can turn into a wolf at will/when she’s especially emotional, can smell blood from several miles away, has supernatural senses/physical abilities, can track most any monster if she knows their name, can communicate with other Hunters via howling, and she can shift into a bipedal werewolf when she feels like she’s in danger.

Future powers of Julia Montauk: All of her previous powers have drastically improved, plus she has better control of them now.

Current powers of Basira Hussain: She has common fucking sense, something almost none of the other children have.

Future powers of Basira Hussain: She common sense AND she has a werewolf GF now. :) ((No dating for the babies, not until they’re at least teenagers))

Current powers of Melanie King-Grifter: Can listen to Grifter’s Bone without being damaged in any way, the music of Grifter’s Bone makes her powers exemplified for a period of time after she listens to it, the smell of blood triggers her to become violent, she can summon sharp weapons (knives, swords, etc) from thin air, and she can see a red aura around other people who have been marked by the Slaughter.

Future powers of Melanie King-Grifter: She has much better control of her abilities now, she can perform Grifter’s Bone songs for people and keep them from dying/going feral, and she can now also summon other weapons from thin air (guns, baseball bats, etc).

Current powers of Oliver Banks: Can see people’s deaths a week in advance via his dreams, he sees dark tentacles around people who are going to die soon, can see but not talk to ghosts, and he can smell death on anyone who’s undead/controlling other people’s bodies.

Future powers of Oliver Banks: Can raise the dead and control them to do his bidding (takes a lot of energy), can speak cat (not End related; Admiral related), and he can cause people to die within the week if he touches them in his dreams.

Current powers of Georgie Barker: Can see a “death countdown” over people who are going to die within the next thirty days, doesn’t feel any fear whatsoever, can see but not talk to ghosts, and she sees a dark sludge staining the clothes of people who have been marked by the End.

Future powers of Georgie Barker: Can bring people back to life for a minute or so by touching them (think Pushing Daisies type powers), can speak cat (not End related; Admiral is best cat dad), and she can communicate with ghosts much better now.

Current powers of Jane Prentiss-Dekker: Can summon bugs of most kinds from her mouth and under her fingernails, can communicate with bugs, and can fight off most diseases without any trouble.

Future powers of Jane Prentiss-Dekker: Can now completely control bugs via a hive mind effect, can summon bugs from anywhere on her body, has much stronger healing abilities than Jon, and she can see invisible bugs crawling on the skin of those who the Corruption wants her to get rid of (it’s hard for her not to give in to it’s desires).

Current powers of Mike Crew-Fairchild: Can levitate/fly at will, can summon clouds of any kind (rain, thunder, snow, etc) in any conditions, has much higher resistance to the weather/temperature, and he can “banish” people into the Vast at will.

Future powers of Mike Crew-Fairchild: Same as before, but with slightly better control than he had as a teenager.

Current powers for Helen Richardson-Shelley: Can change the world around her to be more like the Spiral (adding more doors, changing the colors of things, causing hallucinations, etc), can change any door into a doorway into the Spiral, and she can amplify her voice (very hard to control as a baby).

Future powers for Helen Richardson-Shelley: Can now summon doors that lead to the Spiral from thin air, has much better control over her powers and abilities than before, can morph her body to be longer and sharper at will, and she can “banish” people into the endless hallways of the Spiral.

((Holy shit, that took awhile))

Anyways, here’s a playlist I made for the AU, feel free to scream at me for my very weird taste in music: Pinky Swear That You Won’t Go Changing

[stilinskishit]

Too Long (A Stiles Stilinski Fanfic) - Chapter 7

**First couple of posts have a different title but I changed it because I didn’t like it :)**

Summary: Teen Wolf with a female main character alongside Scott and Stiles? Here it is. Ramie McCall is Scott’s twin sister and best friends with both her twin and Stiles. The trio’s friendship means the world to all three of them, so what happens when there are more than friend type of feelings present?

Tags: @multi-madison​​ @purple286 @multifandxm353​ @bralessandflawless

A/N: My second favorite teen wolf character is here a bit early :) This chapter is long as fuck and took me forever. I’m keeping to the basic storyline of the show but changing a few things up.

MASTERLIST

Chapter 7 - Formal

Season 1, Episode 8 + 9

Ramie, Stiles, and Scott had a test first period, during which Stiles and Scott took off in the middle of. Ramie tried to follow them, but Harris didn’t believe that all three of them had to use the bathroom at the same time, especially when he already didn’t trust the three of them to even sit near each other during class. Scott and Stiles thankfully came back and finished their tests, and Stiles explained after class that Scott had a panic attack because he was worked up over Allison. Stiles was acting like the night before hadn’t happened at all, and Ramie couldn’t decide if she was thankful or upset about that.

The rest of her classes before lunch Scott and Stiles weren’t in, so she tried her best to put any thought of the previous night out of her head. She found herself at lunch with Allison and Jackson, feeling oddly like a third wheel. Jackson was flirting with Allison hardcore, and Allison seemed to be completely oblivious. Ramie tuned them out until she heard Jackson nearly choke on his food.

“What?” Jackson was looking at Allison like she had four heads.

“Do you… want a bite?” Allison held out her sandwich.

“Oh, I’m okay,” Jackson looked down. “I thought you said something else.”

Ramie narrowed her eyes at him. He had been acting strange, first freaking out the other night at school, the scabs on the back of his neck, then freaking out over the word “bite.” Ramie as beginning to worry Jackson might be a lot more in tune with what was going on in Scott’s world than they thought. She wanted to tell Scott and Stiles, but the two were sitting at a different table across the lunch room, and she didn’t really feel good about leaving Allison and Jackson alone at the table together.

At the end of the school day, Ramie found Scott and Stiles in the hall heading out to lacrosse practice. They were in the middle of a conversation when she arrived, not noticing her behind them at first.

“Can you just, use your scent to see if you pick up on anything with someone?” Stiles was saying. “Like attraction, arousal, anything.”

“Attraction from who?” Ramie butted in, stepping between them then turning back to face them. They both jumped at her sudden arrival.

“Lydia!” Stiles nearly yelled.

“No, Ramie,” Ramie pointed at herself, teasing Stiles.

“No, I mean I’m talking about Lydia,” Stiles stuttered. “Seeing if she likes me.”

“Yeah, I’ll ask,” Scott said, giving the two of them a weird smirk before walking towards Lydia, who was a bit down the hall pulling books from her locker and putting them in her bag. Ramie saw Scott ask Lydia something, then the two of them went into Coach’s office to talk.

“You coming to practice?” Stiles asked suddenly, breaking the silence between the two of them. Ramie looked up at him but broke eye contact almost immediately, unable to get over the awkward feeling between the two of them.

“Nah, I have to write a paper,” Ramie nodded, tugging on her backpack straps. “Gonna go to a coffee shop and try to finish it up. You’re gonna come over to help Scott with the full moon right?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” Stiles nodded.

“See you later then,” Ramie gave him a small smile before turning on her heel and walking quickly away, desperate to get out of being alone with him. As upset as she was about Stiles saying their kiss didn’t matter, part of her wished it never happened at all. Things were weird between them, which is what she always feared. She never told him her feelings because she didn’t want things to be weird. And now things were exactly that.

…

Ramie ended up spending the whole afternoon writing her paper at a coffee shop near school and got home just as it got dark. Her mom’s car was gone, but Stiles’ jeep was in the driveway. She opened the front door and immediately heard yelling from upstairs.

“You can’t tell her Scott,” Stiles was yelling. “She’s like, the one girl. My one girl.”

“And what if I do Stiles,” Scott’s voice sounded strange, almost robotic and sinister. “She would laugh in your face if she knew. She would never like you.”

“What is going on up here,” Ramie yelled, running up the stairs. She found Stiles sitting on the floor outside Scott’s door, leaning against the wall and looking upset. He glanced at her then turned his head into the room, telling Scott to shut up, even though Scott wasn’t saying anything at the time. Ramie walked past Stiles and looked into Scott’s room, finding him handcuffed to the heater.

“Full moon precautions?” Ramie glanced down at Stiles. He nodded, not looking up at her. She sighed and slid down the wall on the other side of Scott’s door. She could hear him struggling to get out of the handcuffs, but ignored him, knowing it was just to keep him and everyone else safe.

“Stop being a bitch about Lydia,” Ramie said towards Scott, not looking into the room.

“Stiles is just so in love with her,” Scott muttered, making Ramie’s heart twang. “I don’t think he’ll ever have feelings for any other girl. It would be ridiculous for any girl other than Lydia to even think about being with him.”

Ramie started at her hands in her lap. It was almost like Scott was saying these things specifically to hurt her. More clanging came from the room, Scott obviously still struggling against the handcuffs.

“Don’t listen to him, he’s been like this all night, it’s the full moon,” Stiles said from next to her. She could feel his eyes on her but she didn’t look up, just continued to look at her hands. Suddenly there was a loud crash and Stiles and Ramie stood up quickly, running into each other as they tried to enter Scott’s room. However, it was too late. Scott had torn out of the handcuffs and took off out the window.

“Shit,” Stiles muttered. “Should we follow him?”

Ramie moved to the window, sticking her head out of it. The street was empty and quiet, Scott was nowhere to be found.

“Can’t follow him if we can’t find him,” she sighed, sitting back on Scott’s bed. Stiles groaned.

“I’ll go drive around and see if I can find him,” Stiles said, grabbing his keys off Scott’s desk. “Wanna come?"

“Uh, I can’t,” Ramie lied. “Gotta finish my paper.”

Stiles nodded at her, moving towards the door. She got up and followed him out of Scott’s room quickly, saying goodbye to him before going into her own room. They both agreed they would let the other know if either of them saw Scott. Ramie sat in her room the rest of the night, watching Netflix since her paper was actually finished, and tried to not think about the previous night and Scott’s words from earlier. Even though he was probably right. Stiles had the biggest crush on Lydia forever and Ramie told herself she needed to get over her crush on Stiles. Formal was coming up and she figured she could get over Stiles if she found someone else to go with.

She was about to text Lydia and ask if she knew anyone that could take her when she heard the front door open, and voices coming upstairs. One was Scott and the other sounded like Derek. Ramie’s door was closed, the door on her side of the bathroom was open and Scott’s side was open a crack, so she could hear the conversation happening in Scott’s room. Scott was asking Derek if there was a cure to the bite. Derek told Scott that the only cure he had ever heard of was he had to kill the alpha that bit him, aka the huge creature that was chasing them through the school the other night. And Derek didn’t even know if that cure was real.

Ramie was in the middle of texting Stiles that Scott was home safe when she heard Derek walk past her door. Without thinking, she got up quickly, quietly following Derek downstairs. She snuck out the front door, closing it slowly behind her so Scott wouldn’t hear.

“Derek, wait,” she called, running down the walkway to the driveway. Derek was standing outside of his car, the door open but not yet inside.

“You’re lucky I saved your idiot brother’s ass,” Derek told her, closing the car door and leaning against it.

“I’m not here to thank you,” Ramie mimicked his posture, crossing her arms at him. “I wanted to ask you something, a favor.” Derek raised his eyebrows at her, glancing up towards Scott’s window.

“A favor you don’t want Scott to know about?” He questioned. Ramie sighed, following Derek’s gaze. She nodded.

“I want you to teach me how to protect myself,” She tore her gaze away from Scott’s window, meeting Derek’s eyes. He raised his eyebrows at her again. “I know I don’t have wolf powers or anything like that, but I feel so helpless in every situation this shit gets me into. You’re much better at fighting than Scott and I’m sure some is experience and some has to do with wolf powers but-“

“I know some things about hand to hand combat,” Derek shrugged. “Self-defense kind of stuff.” Ramie nodded excitedly.

“Can we just not mention it to Scott or Stiles? I know if they find out they’ll freak out about it and not want me involved.”

“They want to keep you safe,” Derek told her.

“I know, but I want to keep myself safe too,” she fired back. Derek looked like he was considering things.

“Fine,” Derek said, opening his car door again. “Meet me at my house at 6am tomorrow. We’ll train for an hour or so and you can get back home before Scott wakes up.” He closed his car door before saying anything else, backing out of the driveway and driving down the dark street.

…

The next day felt like it went on forever. Ramie got up early to train with Derek, had school, then later that night found herself in a car chase with Scott, Stiles and Derek. The cops were after Derek, thinking he was the murderer from the school, and the Argents were also after him. When Ramie, Scott and Stiles diverted the Argents by driving Dereks’ car, and once they picked up Derek, making sure he evaded the police, they learned that Derek was sure he was close to catching the alpha. After that, it was an extremely awkward ride home shoved in the backseat of Derek’s tiny car, practically on top of Stiles, due to there barely being any space. Ramie was thankful that night to be in bed, her body sore from her training and her mind racing from being in the middle of a car chase, and from being so close to Stiles for the whole drive.

Their next step was stealing Allison’s necklace. Her necklace had some sort of symbol on it that Derek needed to see. Ramie said she wouldn’t steal from her friend, saying she refused to get in the middle of Scott and Allison.

“Just ask her if you can borrow it,” Stiles was saying as the three of them walked into school the next morning.

“How?”

“Easy, just say hey Allison, can I borrow this?” Ramie encouraged.

“Just need to see if there’s anything on it, or in it, that might help me figure out how to kill an Alpha werewolf so I can get back together with you,” Stiles continued, shrugging as if it was simple. Scott raised his eyebrows.

“Just talk to her,” Ramie said.

“I can’t,” Scott whined.

“So steal it,” Stiles shrugged again.

“I can’t do that either,” Scott threw his hands up, defeated. “What if she only takes it off in the shower or something.”

“That’s why you ease back into it, remind her of your good times,” Stiles stopped, turning to Scott, who was looking dreamily at nothing in particular. Ramie furrowed her eyebrows at him, her brother clearly not listening. Stiles shoved him on the chest. “You’re thinking about her in the shower aren’t you.”

Scott smirked, giving a dreamy nod. Stiles scoffed and Ramie pulled a fake gagging noise, turning to continue walking down the hallway.

“Men,” Ramie rolled her eyes as she heard the two boys following after her, mumbling at each other.

“Hey, it’s not just me,” Scott was saying. “Stiles just told me the other day he had a dream about-“ Scott didn’t get the chance to finish as Stiles shoved him, pushing him into the lockers. Ramie turned to the two of them, Scott a smirk on his face and Stiles looking at Scott like he could kill him, his cheeks red.

“I don’t wanna know,” Ramie shook her head, turning and walking to her first class, leaving the bickering boys behind.

…

Ramie’s classes for that day were different from Scott and Stiles, so she didn’t see them until school had ended, when Scott asked Ramie to spy on Allison and Jackson with him. Ramie was hesitant, Allison being her friend, but Scott was pretty upset about Allison breaking up with him, and she decided she needed to put her brother first. She found Scott not so subtly sulking on the bleachers above the pool, staring down at Jackson and Allison, who were swimming laps together. Ramie sat down next to her brother as he pulled open the backpack in front of him. She narrowed her eyes at him.

“Is that,” she started, but Scott gave her a death glare. She lowered her voice. “Is that Allison’s bag?”

Scott nodded, rummaging around in the pockets while Ramie looked around, making sure no one was watching to two of them. Ramie huffed at him but didn’t stop him, moving her eyes down to Allison and Jackson in the pool, who were playfully splashing each other. She could tell Scott was not happy about how flirty Jackson was towards Allison.

“Jackson knows,” Scott mumbled, opening another pocket of Allison’s bag. “Knows?”

“About me,” Scott continued. Ramie nodded, not pushing further. She wasn’t surprised. Jackson was conniving and knew practically everything about everyone, which he usually used to his advantage. “He was talking to me today in the lunch room, whispering. He knew I could hear him.”

“He’s a dick,” Ramie said, glaring towards him even though Jackson was preoccupied with with Allison.

“It’s not here,” Scott sighed, closing Allison’s bag.

“You need to just talk to her,” Ramie told her brother, who was about to protest when Ramie’s phone rang. It was Stiles, telling her he was by her locker waiting to bring her home. Stiles was planning on convincing Danny to trace the text Ramie and Allison got on the night that they almost got killed by the alpha, and Ramie had, of course, agreed to help him. Ramie again told Scott to talk to Allison before heading down the stairs towards the hallway to her locker.

She found Stiles playing on his phone, leaned up against the locker next to hers. She couldn’t help but look him over as she approached. He was wearing black jeans and a muted blue flannel over a white tee, not an abnormal outfit for him, but Ramie thought he looked particularly good on that day. He glanced up and Ramie tried to look like she hadn’t been staring, giving him a small smile.

“Hey Raim, ready to-“ Stiles started, before a voice cut him off.

“Ramie,” The voice came from behind her. A tall boy with curly light brown hair stepped out of the classroom she had just walked by. Isaac Lahey, he was in their grade and in most of Ramie’s classes. He was quiet but sweet, and Ramie always thought he was pretty cute. She knew him casually, but she never talked to him outside of class. “Can I talk to you?”

Ramie glanced towards Stiles, who had his eyes narrowed at the two of them. She looked back at Isaac, who was looking at his feet.

“Stiles I’ll meet you at the jeep, okay?” Ramie said to Stiles, who opened his mouth but Ramie gave his a death glare and he closed it again. He huffed but turned down the hallway, leaving Ramie and Isaac alone.

“What’s up Isaac,” Ramie asked, continuing her walk down the hall as he followed, stopping beside her when she got to her locker.

“I was just wondering,” Issac said quietly, Ramie having to listen hard to hear him. “Did you have any plans to go to the dance this weekend?”

Ramie shoved her books in her bag, closing her locker and turning to Isaac, who was still looking at his feet. She hadn’t thought much about the dance, with everything going on she forgot it was so soon.

“I’m sure Lydia will drag me there as she usually does,” Ramie laughed, and Isaac giggled with her. He glanced up, meeting her eyes for a second. He had a soft smile on his face, and Ramie couldn’t help but grin back at him.

“Well I was wondering, maybe we could go together?” Isaac asked, breaking eye contact again and fiddling with the straps on his backpack. “If you wanted to, it’s okay if not.”

“I’d love to,” Ramie said, surprising herself. She had been hoping Stiles would ask her, but she knew deep down there wasn’t a chance of that happening. Isaac was sweet and certainly attractive, so she decided to take the chance with him.

“Really?” Isaac asked, his eyes meeting hers. He looked surprised, though Ramie wasn’t sure why. She always thought that if Isaac was more social he would probably be a hit with any girl or guy in school. He was more the type to purposefully blend in, though. Ramie nodded at him, and smile spread across his face.

“Awesome, okay, cool,” He stuttered. Ramie’s face felt hot, he really was cute. “Can I get your number? We can plan everything out and whatever.”

Ramie put her number in Isaac’s phone and gave him a quick hug before heading out to the parking lot to meet Stiles. She hopped into the front seat of the jeep and buckled up, glancing over at Stiles when she realized he wasn’t starting the car. His eyes were fixed on her, looking confused.

“What?” She asked, almost defensively.

“What are you grinning about? What did Lahey want?”

“Okay detective Stilinski, calm down,” she raised her hands at him as he questioned her.  Stiles just continued to look at her.

“Issac asked me to the dance this weekend,” she said casually, looking down at her phone to find a text from Isaac and saving his number.

“And you said?” Stiles questioned again.

“I said yes,” Ramie shrugged. Stiles was silent. She glanced over at him and his eyes were straight ahead, staring out the windshield.

“I didn’t know you were going,” Stiles said after a minute.

“Well Lydia usually drags me along to those things and I figured it would be nice to not third wheel for once,” Ramie told him, not making eye contact. “Isaac’s sweet, he’s in a bunch of my classes.”

“Yeah, he’s on the team,” Stiles grumbled, finally starting up the jeep.

“So you like him, he’s nice?”

“I don’t really know him,” Stiles said. “I’ve heard from other people he has a thing for you.”

“Really?” Ramie looked toward Stiles, who simply nodded. His jaw was clenched. She wondered if Isaac had played more than Stiles or something, which could be why Stiles didn’t seem to like him. She didn’t press him any further the rest of the way home, and didn’t have a chance to bring it up again once they got back to the Stilinski’s, since Derek had shown up in Stiles’ room, still hiding from the police. Stiles explained to Derek that Scott was still trying to get Allison’s necklace, but they were also going to try to trace the texts Ramie and Allison received. When Danny showed up he was not impressed that Stiles’ told him he looked up his arrest records to find out that Danny would be able to trace the texts.

“I was 13, the charges were dropped,” He stood over Stiles, who was sitting at his desk chair. Ramie was pretending to read on his bed while Derek flipped through a book, sitting in the chair in the corner, a permanent scowl on his face. Stiles made a noise and shrugged, clearly not caring about Danny’s charges and only caring about the text being traced. “We’re doing lab work.”

Stiles gave an annoyed look towards Ramie who shrugged, mouthing at him to keep trying. Stiles rolled his eyes, turning back to the computer.

“Who’s he again?” Danny asked, pointing towards Derek.

“My cousin,” Stiles glanced at Derek. “Miguel.”

Derek’s head slowly raised to glare at Stiles, and Ramie bit her lip to hold back a laugh.

“Is that blood on his shirt?” Danny whispered.

“He gets bad nose bleeds,” Stiles nodded. Ramie snorted and attempted to cover it with a cough. “I thought I told you you could borrow a shirt, Miguel.”

Derek got up, slamming the book closed and throwing it on the bed, it smacking Ramie’s leg, her giving him a glare. He ignored her, walking over to Stiles’ dresser. Stiles was trying to get Danny to give in on tracing the text while Derek pulled off his shirt, throwing in on the floor. Ramie shameless looked over his back muscles and she caught Danny doing the same. Stiles looked between the two of them, sighing.

“Stiles,” Derek said. “This, no fit.”

“Then try something else,” Stiles spat back. He looked back and forth between Danny, who was staring, and Derek. Derek pulled on a different shirt. “Hey, that one looks pretty good, huh? What do you think Danny?”

Danny nodded, mumbling that it looked fine. The shirt was incredibly tight on Derek, looking like it was made for a child. Ramie had to pull her book over her face to keep from laughing.

“It’s not really his color,” Danny said as Derek pulled the shirt off.

“You swing for a different team but you still play ball, don’t you Danny boy,” Stiles said, turning back towards the computer.

“You’re a horrible person,” Danny shook his head.

“I know it keeps me awake at night, anyway, about that text.”

“Stiles!” Derek nearly yelled. “None of these fit.”

Stiles slowly turned back to Danny, who looked between Derek and Stiles. He sighed, pulling the laptop away from Stiles.

“I’ll need the ISP, phone number and exact time of text,” Danny said, beginning to type. Stiles threw both of his arms in the air in celebration, turning to Ramie and sending her a wink. Fifteen minutes later Danny had uncovered that the text was actually sent from a computer, which wasn’t even the strangest part. The computer was registered under Ramie’s mom, Melissa, it had come from her computer at the hospital. When they found this out Ramie had immediately left Stiles’, going home to see if her Mom was there so she could ask her about the text. She unfortunately, wasn’t home.

Ramie waited awhile to see if she would show up, but it got to be too late and Ramie had to head to the school for the lacrosse game. She didn’t want to miss it, since Stiles was actually supposed to be playing. She found a seat in the stands by herself, Lydia had told her she wouldn’t be there, which was strange, but Ramie didn’t get the chance to ask why after the afternoon she had had with Derek and Stiles. She searched the bench for Stiles, since the game was about to start, but he was nowhere to be found. She made eye contact with Isaac, who waved and gave her a huge grin, and as she watched him take the field, she forgot about Stiles for a few minutes.

[definedbywhatilove]

seven months

hey taylor! this is a little story of my journey since the last time that i let you in to my inner world... its been seven months...(feels like 20 lifetimes of growth) and two months since I moved to California and one week since I left my grandest, most divine partner in L.A to continue my journey of self discovery, self awareness, self love, and self soverignty... and i wanted to mention something important to you -- a sign, an invisable string if you will. since i was a kid, your music always followed me and described my life experiences. as i began a deep journey of self understanding, i went away from the reality that i knew (much alike your time to yourself, away from the media) last oct/november. and i let myself fall deeply, and madly in love. you know the love i'm talking about. the red love. the deeply open and vulnerable heart love, despite all past burns to the heart. the one you write poetry and songs about. i know you feel deeply self worth inside. i know that you relyed on guys to help fill that void. same as me. same as so many beautiful woman out there. giving our hearts away.. loving so damn red. but loving so: fearlessly. bravely. courageously. vulnerably. openly. you can't regret a thing, can you? and the months piled up. nine months december 27 he came to Christmass dinner ten months january 27 this is... love eleven months febuary 27 this is home 1 year march 27 this is the 1 three days after, my life came crashing down. i wake up to coughing. masks. fear. my house turned into a graveyard a grounds of fear, pain, suffering sickness. not me. her. my dads partner. someone who i thought, in my own ego, i despised. in that moment, i knew i loved. two hours. it was less than two hours that i packed two suitcases, and a heavy backpack full of everything that mattered to me. i had practised this before. countless nights isoltated in my room, pretending to pack to run away. really considering running away. but never running. it was a blur. i don't remember much. a message to stay, but the knowingness that it was my time to leave. one last goodbye. no hug. a promise. with my father. knowing he would get sick. knowing that my father, my Rock, my stable Father could very evidently get sick and die. was this a goodbye forever? i didn't know but i left. i had to leave. by some greater plan from God, or whoever is orchestrating this magical universe, my partner moved to my city by chance through the winter and I went to him. i moved in; my heart afraid of moving in with somebody that i love because love had only ever hurt me. i moved in with my partner and allowed my dad the space to go through his own conscious awakening. thirteen months WILL HE DIE? i prayed everyday. i surrendered. i released the outcome. i surrendered to my partner and the relationship and accepted a deeper love than i have ever experienced during this time. i started my business. really, started my business. i started it in december but I didn't really know if I would ever get to see my dad again. through the fall and winter he provided for me whilst i recovered from being sick [reoccuring during fall/winter, peak in sept. same thing i felt during my journey in 2018]. how will i live as an adult on my own? provide for myself? what if he dies? i make my first 2k month. i surrender to love. i meet nature. fourteen months i called him for the first time. my dad. it was so painful to hear him speak. he was still sick. i began to slowly give grounded, healing advice. affirmations. colors. introduced the law of attraction. helping him know that his physical body was sick because his mind was sick of negativity. i move into my first apartment with my partner. its beautiful. he pays the rent. i get the entire room, he takes the living room. i was provided for. i continued my business. i held strong visions of travelling with my partner before the lease was up in august. it was my lifelong dream. i prayed for my dad and his partner. sitting in nights of fear and pain. letting go. trusting. rebuilding. health. NATURE. LOVE. date nights. park visits. lake visits. fifteen i saw my dad and his partner! in person! june 6, the first time since march 30. i went with my partner. i was nervous. i also get to see my cat ~~ who has always had siezures, that got even worse when they were sick... who i also had to let go of, not knowing if would survive.. but did! i gave him healing crystals. healing tips. love. hope. he opened. my dad whos heart was closed cracked open. i had never seen this mans heart open since i was a little child before my mom broke his heart. he left his job, you know. when i was a kid i was neglected for that job. one that i had to go to school too many times when i didn't feel because of. one that kept him gone late nights once a week. one that drained him. but the job that supported me physically and financially through my entire life. the job that helped give me a good life ~ his time and energy he gave into this job to provide for his daughter. he realized what it was doing to him. he realized, taylor. he realized. he got a new job. two hours away, a small county on the lake. a chance to start over. leave the karmic city he lived in. he also began to feel his emotions from what happened with the trauma of my mother. this was a miracle. a miracle. a miracle. and so, he would move away... starting his new job during the sixteenth month of this journey, july 13 i know at this point i will be travelling soon and leaving anyways, but could not leave my dad... and so the universe had him leave to set me free. i spent the rest of the month knowing he would move away, and likely i would too. but where? i saw him many times. gave him reiki too. we all went to the cottage together, him, his partner, me, and mine. summer solstice. peace. love. sixteen months i released all of my limitations. i chose love, abundance, freedom, health, bliss. i released my dad, my cat, my childhood home... [never grow up describes this situation]... a 21st birthday, really, a goodbye to my family... i booked a plane ticket. a month and a week to California. knowing, that it would be longer than that one month and a week. myself and my partner. one carry on and personal item. my self soverignty. my dreams. my abundance [first five figure month!!!] i left taylor. i left behind the city i always lived in to follow my dreams and passion. i'm living in my dream location. mountains. forests. lakes. a sacred site in Nor Cal. a childhood dream, if you will. a new life begins the night before i leave i see that you had an album out. folklore. i didn't know, because i had been going through so much stuff within my life that anything that happened online was not present in my life. i listened to caridgan for a few seconds. didn't feel right. i let you go...[knowing, like always, your music will come to me at the exact right time] i got on the plane. three layovers. an overnight train. i begin my new life on the mountain. begin again. seventeen months i am not the same. i have grown. i have healed. my time in the mountain has been the most groundbreaking, expansive, philisophical, healing time of my entire life. feeling like one month was twenty lifetimes of healing and growth. healing all of my childhood wounds, fears, pains. being of service in my business, providing healing for over 55 people. but... it was here where it started to break apart. that one last thing. i let go of the home. the cat. the family. the stuff. there was 1 more thing to let go of... eighteen months kyle, was his name you know. and of course, when we are hurt we go into the victim mindset right away. it is instinct. predetor and prey. it is conditioned into us. this time, after completing a cycle of 3 relationships of emotional manipulation, disrespect, not being loved the way i loved... i took full ownership for it. for manipulating MYSELF. for disrespecting MYSELF. for not loving MYSELF the way I love another. thats when the relationship healing and karma happens. when you take complete ownership for your own mistreatment knowing that this person was simply a mirror of the own hate, anger, and fear you have about yourself. it happened on september 2nd, under the full moon. it started, anyways. i was called to l.a out of Nor Cal. With him. and we Went. This is where the fun part starts, the intention behind this entire story but we're only getting to it right now because of course, I am a writer. The main message has to be supported by a story, right? on september 6th, we had a midnight train. i wanted to listen to music to help me release leaving the city i was living in in Nor Cal, cuz I had grown fairly attached to it. cardigan came into my life. [which i realize as i am writing this and listening to it, the version i have always listened to is the cabin one,... which I am just seeing you realeased on my birthday!!!! july 30th. how interesting] it fell into place this night. and i was meant to hear it now; your music has always been like a spirit guide to me. always a message when i need it. we had a midnight train. my partner got a nosebleed on the way...[stepping on the last train, marked me like a blood stain...] i knew in my heart we would be breaking up... the day before the flight to l.a, the day before the fires, i knew we would be breaking up in l.a. the night that invisable strings was introduced into my life, via my dear soul friend Emma. i knew that this song spoke of my memories and experiences with l.a. l.a was always a place for me to find self empowerment, bravery, and self worth. being the place that i endured my first break up in, l.a taught me self love. i knew that an invisable string was bringing me back to l.a, and really... back to [myself]. despite knowing what was to happen, i held myself through the flight to l.a. it's not like we officially broke up that day, but i knew going on this flight that since i was facing my biggest fears in real life that i would be about to experience my fear of being alone. i flew the day that san fransisco was orange. tiny little 13 row plane. deep fear of planes. in a moment of deep intuition and love, i opened my heart to hold space for the people on the plane that were also terrified of the fires and landing somewhere that was orange. holding people, holding space, through what could be seen on an Earthly scale as a trauma. moving past my own fears and negative thoughts and holding the emotions of love and safety. it was a big moment for me. i listened to invisable strings dyuring the plane ride. and two days later was when my fire happened. september 11 is when we officially broke up.. when i chose to stand up for myself, for my own love + respect, when i knew that i had to leave a toxic and co-dependent relationship... you know, i thought a tsunami was going to happen that day or something and i was going to die. i literally thought this was what was going to happen; but the death that happened was not physical, but the death of a relationship. we were in l.a until the 18th, in the same apartment, trying our best to go through our breakup while living with eachother. still getting groceries together [chasing shadows in the grocery line]... i could barely function. i know you know what co-dependent relationships can get like. beginning to function on your own without the love from them is hell. [cue. this is me trying] having a hard time adjusting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! letting go of this love. knowing i need to leave. we were in l.a until the 18th, in the same apartment, trying our best to go through our breakup while living with eachother. still getting groceries together [chasing shadows in the grocery line]... the ocean took me down; pulled my knee out. the day after telling my partner i need to do everything on my own and we be completely separate whilst living in this apartment together for at least a week. knowing we likely would stay till oct.my bodies way of still needing to rely on him. coping mechinisms. breakdowns. [pouring my heart out to a stranger, but i didn't pour the whiskey...] (This lyric. After my first relationship, I turned to alcohol. I got very dependent on this, and this runs in my family. It took me until a significant event at a party in 2017 for me to stop, i know you know what i mean. So it was a big deal for me, despite all temptations, to not turn to alcohol). i knew i had to leave l.a our host was offering us to stay until oct 1. i was 100% sure i was, despite living in the apartment with kyle, through breakup [not your typical i hate u breakup tho, one of deep love and mutual, conscious respect and love for eachother] going to stay. esp with how my body was, and my knee. and... if i went back home to Nor Cal, I knew i'd be going alone. And I knew my partner couldn't financially sustain himself at the time to stay anywhere other than back home. I knew he would have to quarentine for 14 days. I knew that by making this decision I would be completely cut off from him. i went to cancel our flight back to Nor Cal. 34 hours before. i was going to stay and stay in a place with a man who didn't have enough self love and worth yet to be able to love me properly. and then it happened. continue to financially support him. continue to love him uncontiionally. and then... sept 16 11:30pm the last excuse. the last invalidation. the last disrespect. the last act of hatred. the last act of emotional manipulation. the last time the gas light would ever turn on. i do not cancel my flight. i walked away. i chose myself. i messaged everybody that i knew to ask for help and support. i knew that this would be the hardest thing I ever had to do. i had to walk away from whom i know on a soul level to be my husband. i know. i know. i know. i know when we have both healed we will come back together in harmonious union; our relationship was all about growing. but it was time to grow apart, in order to grow back together with a stable individual foundation. the last day was magic. it was a new moon. santa monica beach. sunset. shopping. swimming. we allowed ourself to have a night of love. we knew that this was at the basis of our connection; true, undying, eternal, uncondtional love. we will always love each other in a deeper way than can be described in words. no painting, song, piece of poetry could describe this love. and it was painful. painful to love so deeply and openly and vulnerabily, knowing that come 6am I would be headed to the airport It was the most open and vulnerable I have ever been. Allowing myself to openly love so deeply despite knowing what was to come in just some short hours. I really poured my heart out. I opened up. I was vulnerable. I was my true self. And it was one of the best nights of my life, September 17th in Santa Monica, under the New Moon. we stayed up together all night holding each other. sharing a few last kisses. talking about our favourite memories each month of our relationship [i know they said the end was near...] we didn't sleep all night. the alarm went off, 4:50am. time to go. i packed everything the night before. i tied up my lose ends. we held eachother deeply. the final alarm went off, 5:10am. the pink sunrise in the uber on the way to the airport. the way that he didn't cancel his flight to go through security with me. not getting a coffee to spend every last second with him. and we sat in the airport and cried our hearts out. holding each other. crying. in front of anyone who cared to see. knowing one hour before boarding i had to take myself to the bathroom so that i could cry and prepare myself to fly [note: hopefully the airport worker knew we were gunna be okay] 7:48am, i knew the alarm was going to go off in two minutes. i take my power back and stand up, turning the alarm off. i said i have to go now or I will not get on the flight. i tell him he needs to walk away first. i can't do it. no. i'll feel abandoned. i have to be the one. i hugged him. one time. i said goodbye. i wished him well. i told him i love him. i put my backpack on. i get my stuff together. one last hug... one last kiss... and i pulled away. i walked away from the man that i know one day will be my husband and the father to my children to follow my own path of self discovery and worth and love. of healing. walking up to the airline worker, telling her my partner would not be coming on the flight with me. "okay, Miss, i will remove him from your party and from the flight," i held myself together. i did. the best i could. good thing i didn't sleep because that kept me at least less emotional and breaking down than i thought i would be. "now boarding flight xxxx to Sacramento, boarding rows 10-13..." i got myself on the plane. i couldn't believe i was doing this. how am i doing this? i knew when i sat in my seat and the plan began to prepare for departure, that i was completing a cycle of three. a cycle of relationship karma that began with my first, where we broke up on my birthday, 2016 in l.a... completing a cycle where i base my worth on another person, depend on another person, allow myself to get walked over... it was done. i asked that when i took off into the sky from the plane, the perfect line of the perfect song was playing... when i first had my breakup in l.a 2016, i was at a play to support my friend and actress. in this play, she sang a song called brave. this song, and message, got me through my first breakup. she was my rock and i swear the reason i made it through the night of that. l.a 2018, she wrote brave for a tattoo for me. we stopped talking for a while; i learned to be brave for myself. l.a 2020, the moment the plane takes off of the ground... [wool to BRAVE the seasons...] the moment you sang brave; the plane took off. a rush of feeling so proud for myself. knowing i chose me. knowing i chose a journey of self love. knowing i chose a journey of self worth. knowing i chose a journey of self empowerment. i sit here in my soul sister's apartment whilst she is cross-country, writing this. one week after i got back to Nor Cal. One week since my entire life shifted. And I am in the journey. The journey to self love, confidence, worth, empowerment, etc is not just a destination. There is a journey behind it all. It happens to contain a lot of crying. A lot of feeling. Some music. Friends. Good food. A warm coffee from the local coffee shop. Candles. Insence. Journal(S). Rest. Yoga. Meditation. Qigong. Reiki. Fuzzy socks. Oversized fluffy sweaters. Soft blankets. Stuffed animals. Books. Singing bowls. Love. And so, this is where I am. September 25th, seven months later. Wow. Writing this journey out and putting it on paper really makes me feel some things. It makes me feel fucking empowered. It makes me feel strong. It makes me feel brave. It makes me feel fearless. It makes me feel vulnerable. It makes me feel authentic. And with all authenticity, I had to be authentic with myself when I began to write this. Your music has been that constant. I have said it before, and I will say it again. Everything has always left my life but your music has always stayed. Your music has always found me in the right time in the right place. It has always supported me. You have always supported me. I was thinking back today, in a state of elevated joy allowing myself to feel happy that I got the opportunity to meet you through my life journey so far. And that... us meeting had to mean something. There is an invisable string there. There has to be a reason that during all of this your music was there for me. There has to be a reason it came to me in the time that it did. There is a reason for everything. So I write this, with a prayer that you will see this, but a surrender to the knowingness that what is meant to happen is going to happen. Also, a surrender to if anybody actually reads this! This is who I am, raw, vulnerable, authentic. I will always speak my truth, share my journey, and love Taylor Swift. Don't we all? Taylor, if you are reading this... from my soul to yours; thank you. thank you. thank you. seriously, for what you give up to be able to spread these messages via your music in such a global way. i completely see and understand what you have given up to do this. i love you. i love you. i love you. thank you for seeing me. thank you for hearing me. thank you for acknowledging me. thank you for validating me. thank you for loving me. see you next update, your friend Sarah.

[goldenpctals]

TRUTH BOOTH, elodie edition

GENERAL QUESTIONS

1. Please state your full name: My name is Elodie Yoon-ah Gwan 2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it? Not completely sure? I know Elodie is some kind of flower and Yoon-ah means ‘light of god’ 3. Do you have any nicknames? Sometimes people call be El or Ellie  4. Where were you born? And in which country? I was born in Seoul, South-Korea 5. What is your date of birth? January 4 in year 1996  6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? I’m a Capricorn 7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? Sometimes? I like to think so?  8. Where do you live? I live in Violet Springs, in Violet Heights to be exact 9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) I live with my two dads, Edwin and Jonah and with my sister, Ruby 10. Do you have any siblings? Yes, I have two sisters. Ruby and Issy Rosini 11. Do you have any kind of allergies? Not that I know of 12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? Ruby has the most dogs in the house. However, I have a white cocker spaniel. His name is Baloo and he’s the cutest 13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? Because I love performing, singing and music 14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? A few. My English wasn’t really that good at the time. I still struggle with it every now and then  15. What is the current course you’re following? I study to course Music 16. If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? If I had to switch, I’d probably pick dancing. It’s one of my greatest loves 17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? So far? My song named Solo. I heard it reached millions of views which is crazy 18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? There are a couple. If I keep going I’ll be talking for a couple of days 19. Do you like FanCons? Yes. I love them!  20. What do you like about FanCons? Getting to meet my fans. I didn’t know I had so many people who care about me and my music. It’s a nice feeling 21. What don’t you like about FanCons? It can be overwhelming at times 22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. A fan gave me a painting and it still hanging above my bed. I just love the vibe of it 23. Your favorite event so far? Hm.. Any kind of charity event 24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? I think this is done before, but St Judes vs. other universities  25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? I would. I think this is the perfect place to chase your dreams 

PERSONALITY QUESTIONS

26. What are your positive traits? I’d like to say that I’m realistic, patient and hard-working 27. What are you negative traits? Probably that I tend to look shy, I’m very cautious and I don’t trust people so easily 28. What would other people describe you as? A shy and awkwar bean 29. What are your pet peeves? Slow walking... 30. What makes you happy? Music makes me happy. Being with friends and family. Just be around good energy  31. What makes you upset? Seeing anyone I care about upset 32. What is something you love? The universe. I’m obsessed with the moon and the stars  33. What is something you dislike? Anger. I don’t really know why people get so angry or caught up over something 34. What are you strengths? My patience 35. What are you weaknesses? I have quite a few, so I’ll PASS this one 36. A misconception people often think of you? I don’t think I’m here long enough? But if I had to say something, probably that .. I have no idea 37. Do you have any fears? Yes  38. What scares you the most? Losing myself again 39. What do you do to entertain yourself? I make songs and go to the studio  40. What is your MBTI? I think it was ISFP 41. How do you deal with stress? This is something I struggle a lot with. I usually sit on a rooftop and I write down how I feel in lyrics.. I just tend to look at the moon a lot too 42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? Determind 43. Do you consider yourself selfish? No, I think I put people’s feelings over mine 44. Would you like to be different? I wish I was stronger, mentally  45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? Introvert

ROMANCE QUESTIONS

46. What is your sexual orientation? I consider myself heterosexual 47. Current relationship status? Single 48. When was your first kiss? It was a couple of months ago 49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? I don’t think I’ve ever been asked out on a proper date so..  50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? Unfortunately, yes. But no because of romance 51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) No 52. If no, how so? There’s.. this.. like, wall that’s up pretty high? I’ve been through a lot and I refuse to get hurt again. I think I’m just really scared to fall in love with someone. I have experienced crushes.. Now I have a small one on someone I know I can never be with 53. How do you know when you’re in love? n/a 54. What would be your ideal date? My ideal date would be somewhere nice and quiet, maybe like at a lake or beach and a picnic to get to know each other 55. What is your perspective on marriage? When the right person comes, I’ll be open to it. But for now? I’m way too young to get married 56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? n/a 57. What do you think of relationships? I think it’s beautiful how you can share your love with one another  58. What do you think of one-night stands? I’m not someone to do this. I’d rather get to know someone first before I do anything else. Plus, I want to be super comfortable first and even then, I’d only be intimate when I would be in a relationship 59. Are you still a virgin? Yes, I am 60. Most attractive trait in a different person? Loyalty and caring  61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? Being truthful with one another. And also, be patient with one another  62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? I’m not completely sure. I don’t really like when someone is extreme. I think I’d prefer just holding hands or a hug?  63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? The type to be asked out, I guess?  64. How do you express love to the other? I think I express my love to others by making sure they’re okay? I don’t really know how to answer this  65. Who is your celebrity crush? Ji Chang-Wook.... He’s so so so dreamy

GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS

66. Do you regret anything? Yes 67. Is there something you woule like to re-do? So, start all over again? I’m so grateful for where I am now. However, my past is really hurtful but even though, life goes the way it’s supposed to go.. right?  68. What is something you would never share with anyone? There are so many things that people don’t know about me or my past. Ruby knows a lot.. but she doesn’t know everything yet and I don’t think I can ever share my memories with someone 69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? Just a couple of days ago. I suddenly felt overwhelmed after Felix’s birthday party. Probably a lot of, held back emotions at once 70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: Solo being accepted by so many people. It’s still a miracle to me 71. One thing you wish you could do all over? Nothing 72. Someone you miss? There isn’t anyone that I currently miss 73. Something you wish you could forget? My past 74. Who has the biggest impact on you? Ruby 75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? I think it can be beautiful in ways but it’s so scary, though? Love can be so hurtful. I’m not totally against it, I love to love, but --- it’s pretty unpredictable  76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? Anything that I went through the age of 17 until I was adopted by Edwin and Jonah 77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? Something I gained? A family. Something you’ve lost? Myself. But I’m doing very well in finding myself again. Something I let go of? Not much. My mind is still full of things that I wish I could forget  78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? Not really?  79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? I have panick attacks at certain events or scenarious? (OOC: She has PTSD and has 2 triggers, however, this hasn’t been diagnosed yet) 80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? You’re happy and you’re doing well. However, in a bout a year or so, someone is going to take you away from your family and you’re going through the worst pain in your life. Someone will introduce themselves as some kind of angel to you, but they will turn out to be your worst nightmare. You will go through a lot. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. This may seem to go on for forever, but you are so strong that you are going to get through this. I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you....

RANDOM QUESTION ROUND

81. Summer or Winter? Summer 82. Cats or dogs? Dogs  83. Beach or mountains? Beaches 84. Phone calls or texting? Phone calls 85. Have you ever skipped class? Only when I was dealing with mental health or sickness

[eclecticlanie]

Child Spirit claps back!

OK! SOOOO. A little back story first. I left my first husband 10 years ago. I left EVERYTHING with him except my daughter. I use to write novels (never published), songs, poems, draw all sorts of artwork, and my clothes were my life (I was particular about my fashion choices). I left everything: books, original artworks, basically my soul and identity. When I left I did not write or do any art ever again. I had to focus on being a first time mother, go to work full time, and school full time. I had a new identity that left no time or room for who I was from that day forward.

 My Hubs (2nd husband) produces Drum and Bass music and has since he was a teen. I support and help him as much as I can doing whatever I can (singing, speaking, picking out sounds, synths, etc; telling him to remove certain things that don’t work well, so on so forth). He has always taken music seriously and wanted to go much further than he has with it in the past but has held himself back due to fears of being in public eyes and what the media could do to him. Understandable. 

We decided recently to go for it-to take this to the next level if we could. In this process, Hubs decides I need to unpack that 10 years of exiling my talents. He bought me a notebook and now hounds me to speak to him so he can write or have me write my own songs and poems again. I say hounds but really he is trying to inspire me and find me a muse, there is no true negative connotation on it. I am just naturally pessimistic. Hubs is most definitely an optimist and before anyone asks, yes, sometimes it makes me sick (figuratively). In reality we balance each other extremely well. I never have had a more healthy relationship with anyone other than my mother in my life with the exception being Hubs. He is my everything, next to our kids. 

So that brings us to today. We, Hubs and I, are in the kitchen. I am cooking ground beef to make tacos on the stove. We were talking about how I don’t like my voice on recording but I do like it raw and natural and how I don’t understand why I feel I sound different on recording versus not recording. I then decide we need to discuss what we want to change and not to change if we happen to go next level with this music endeavor. As I leave the stove and go into the fridge (literally the fridge is next to the stove so it is only one step away) to make a glass of soda, I ask, “If we do go next level what do we want to stay the same and what do we want to have change?”

I turn around with the soda bottle in hand to go to the counter where my glass is waiting and Hubs is standing. I see a child standing next to him that isn’t mine with sandy brown or sandy blonde hair down to its cheeks. I’m not entirely sure which would better describe the kids hair. I assume it’s a non-binary child right off the bat. This child scares the shit out of me. It was not there prior to this moment. I never have seen this child before in my life and it is standing next to Hubs. I let out a short loud scream upon seeing this child and at this exact moment the child swings it’s hand and hits my Hubs glass of soda out of his own hands. The glass went up then hit the floor. It did not shatter, break, or crack. It was in one piece. Soda was on my upper and lower cabinets, on the floor and the side of the stove. The child was gone. Vanished. 

“What was that?” Hubs looked at me. 

“I don’t know why i screamed like that.” I tried to rationalize with myself, “It was a child.”

I pour myself a glass of soda and go back to cooking. Hubs and I discuss what just happened and didn’t continue the previous conversation we were trying to have about our possible future. We agree to invite the ghost upstairs to have a conversation via tarot after we eat dinner. Tacos took maybe another 3 minutes to cook and construct. We ate at the stove and the kids ate at the dining table. So a whole ten minutes maybe passed before we ran upstairs and grabbed my Nightmare Before Christmas Tarot Deck, pendulum, and pendulum board. 

I’m sitting on the bed and my back is killing me. This spirit is sucking my energy to stay present so I can receive it’s message. I start shuffling and right out of the gate cards are spilling.

The first five:

1. XIX The Sun: 

Directly from the guidebook: 

“When cloudy skies pass, the sun comes out, shining warmth and happiness on everyone’s lives. The excitement, renewed energy, and joy Jack experiences when he discovers Christmas Town perfectly embody the energy of the Sun tarot card. 

Upright: If you’ve been sad or troubled lately, the Sun is a sign you’re about to feel a very positive shift in your life. Use this rejuvenating energy to reconnect with good friends and enjoy yourself. There’s so much enthusiasm in this tarot card. It signifies a powerful time for inspired brainstorming.” 

Interpretation: I believe this represents both the child I seen and the situation. The child had no ill or negative feeling. It was a joyful and happy child. As for the situation, the Sun is calling me out on how I’m very negative and down on myself and that positive things are happening in my life. I need to start removing myself from being pessimistic and join ‘Team Optimistic’ by following through and doing as my Hubs has been pushing me to do. 

2. XVIII The Moon (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Moonlight illuminates Jack in the graveyard as he reflects on his feelings. The moon represents a great lament, the subconscious, and intuition.”

“Reversed: In order to move forward, you need to be honest about your feelings, with yourself and others. Expressing yourself will life a weight off your chest and get you out of a melancholy headspace. The Sun is about to come out, and a new day will bring new possibilities.” 

Interpretation: I was in the process of expressing my feelings on my voice right before the glass was thrown. I was being negative and hurtful to myself. The child did not like it and that is why they hit the glass to gain attention and to give me this message thus “the sun is about to come out”. I will be enlightened by the other side as to their feelings rather than focus on my own. 

3. X of Needles:

Directly from the guidebook:

“Upright: X of Needles indicates something is coming to a painful ending. Whether this refers to a friendship, relationship, project, or job, you may be left with heavy emotions. Give yourself time to grieve, but trust that it’s for the best. Fresh beginnings are ahead!”

Interpretation: The 10 years I am unpacking is the means to an end. The hurt will end. I’ve hurt myself enough. My talents no longer need to be buried and not used. They are valid and need to be expressed. They will bleed and feel rushed because the flood gates are now open.

4. Queen of Needles:

Directly from the guidebook: 

“Upright: The Queen of Needles is intelligent, intellectual, and sensible. She takes time to make up her own mind and isn’t easily swayed by trends, fads, or popular opinion. Fair and practical, the Queen of Needles shouldn’t be underestimated. This card is a call to remember how strong you really are.” 

Interpretation: The child is 

5. III of Needles (Reversed): 

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: III of Needles reversed symbolizes coming to terms with the past It’s time to pluck the needles out of your heart, and let it heal. Nurse your wounds and go forward.”

Interpretation: I need to let myself move forward and not punish myself. I need to allow my gifts to thrive and be of use in my life. 

I decided to use the Pendulum board a little bit to confirm everything I had seen. I asked the spirit if I was correct with the sandy brown-blonde hair color. The pendulum swung ‘yes’. I continued, “Definitely not a red head then.” The crystal swung ‘no.’ “Is there more you want to tell me?” ‘Yes.’ I picked up the cards and started shuffling again. Five more cards popped out. 

6. IX The Hermit:

Directly from the guidebook:

“The Hermit is a thoughtful, introverted figure who likes to spend his time ruminating alone--like the Creature Under the Stairs.

Upright: Now’s the time to get inspired by example and withdraw for some quiet alone time. The Hermit calls for reflection, so do a bit of soul-searching. Consider your current position, goals, and dreams. Remember your past, and learn from it so you can bring those lessons with you into a successful future.”

Interpretation: The child wants me to really look deep into myself and accept who I am. 

7. III The Empress (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“The Empress is a maternal, nurturing figure who enjoys self-indulgence and life’s creature comforts. Our Empress is the Corpse Mom, who is often seen leading her child on a leash.”

“Reversed: Are you being too hard on yourself? You may have been feeling self-critical lately, but beating yourself up about perceived failures and flaws won’t help. Be patient, and give yourself room to make mistakes--they’re learning opportunities.”

Interpretation: I couldn’t have interpreted this card any other way than as they described. I needed to stop bullying myself. The child seemed very adamant with this message.

8. IX of Needles (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: Has your confidence been dealt a blow recently? If you’re feeling low, you may be your own biggest bully. Start focusing on your positive qualities instead of fixating on your perceived negative ones. A shift in perspective is what’s needed to get you out of despair.”

Interpretation: Again, I couldn’t have interpreted this card any differently. I need to get my head out of my ass.

9. VI of Needles:

Directly from the guidebook:

“VI of Needles usually indicates you’ve been through a difficult time. Have you recently been in conflict with someone or experienced an unexpected setback? It’s time to pick up the pieces and get on track again.”

Interpretation: I need to make peace with myself, pick up the pieces I left behind and put them where they belong in my life-not outside of it.

10. Queen of Candles (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook: 

“Reversed: The reversed Queen of Candles lacks self-confidence. Have you been giving too much attention to the opinions of others? Don’t stifle your ideas and lose your voice. Make time for a bit of soul-searching, and express yourself. Don’t worry what others may think. You have so much to offer!”

Interpretation: Another hard one! All jokes aside, this child couldn’t have been more direct. I need to keep my opinion on myself out of the picture. I need to use my voice-literally. I need to see the value in me and gain confidence. 

I then started telling the spirit I really understood the first time around about their message. Hubs is half laughing at me that I got called out by a child ghost. I continue to state out loud that I understand I need to be nicer to myself and use my talents with the focus of the future in mind. I also state that my back is really starting to kill me and that i would like it to leave if it had nothing more to say. I start shuffling and what do you know... Five more cards...

11. XIIII Death (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook: 

“Death is often a feared tarot card, but that’s just because its misunderstood. It’s a card of transformation and transition-beginnings and endings. Like the creaky, old gates in Halloween Town’s cemetery, the Death tarot card is a spooky symbol of change and transformation.”

“Reversed: Are you putting off a life-changing decision? Resisting change is impossible and will only cause harm in the long run. Letting go of the familiar can be tough, but trust that accepting transition will make way for positive, fresh beginnings.”

Interpretation: Clearly a change is coming. Whether it be my attitude about myself or how I manage my mental health? Only time will tell. 

12. IV of Needles (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: Here, the restful energy of the IV of Needles card becomes static. Are you feeling stuck? Have you reached a plateau? It’s important to shake yourself out of your routine. When you take a different perspective, you’ll see you have all kinds of opportunities around you.”

Interpretation: I need to look outside of the box when I think about myself.

13. XIV Temperance (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Like pouring magical potions into a cauldron, Temperance represents the act of combining different elements together in perfect harmony.”

“Reversed: If life is feeling hectic, it’s time to bring things back into balance. Pay attention to areas of your life that may be a little neglected. The recipe for success requires a pinch of self-reflection and a dash of Temperance. stir thoroughly, and enjoy.”

Interpretation: I need to balance my negativity with positivity. 

14. IV of Candles:

Directly from the guidebook:

“IV of Candles represents celebration. People are recognizing your accomplishments! You’re feeling stable, secure, and comfortable. Be proud of yourself and enjoy the attention, but remember there is still work to be done when the party’s over.”

Interpretation: Although, at our current status as a family, we are successful and doing decent for ourselves but, individually, we can always work and build our characters. 

15. III of Presents (Reversed): 

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: Reversed, III of Presents represents an imbalance within a professional or financial collaboration. If you’re working with others on a project, make sure everyone’s doing their part. Disaster strikes when things become inequitable. Prioritizing teamwork will get you where you want to go.”

Interpretation: I need to be more open about my thoughts, opinions, hopes, fears, etc towards Hubs on this new adventure. 

With this I felt a lot of my back pain let up. I started to slip the cards back into the deck and shuffle them again just to give them an after reading cleanse. Hubs randomly states he was thinking about splurging on a cyber whip rave toy and then another two cards popped out. 

16. XX Judgement:

Directly from guidebook:

“We all have pivotal decisions to make in our lives. Will yours land you on the naughty list or the nice list?

Upright: Now isn’t the time to be hasty and impulsive. Consider your actions and choices carefully, and take time to think things through. Remember that all actions have reactions. Be sensible, and stay true to your conscience.”

Interpretation: The Childs leaving statement is to be mindful as well as ‘you do you’. Apparently, Party time is not on its list of things to do. I may have taken this a little condescendingly. This ghost doesn’t like to have fun. 

17. IV of Presents (Reversed):

Directly from the guidebook:

“Reversed: Is your relationship with money healthy? Is it getting you where you want to go? If not, it may be time to look over your budget and reevaluate your priorities. Make sure you’re not spending frivolously if your cash flow can’t support it right now.”

Interpretation: The spirit child was telling us to maybe not go out and buy a light up whip to dance with. No parties for you! Well... In our house, raves will persevere! GLOW STICKS OUT! RAVE ON! 

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

8 Interesting Places

Welcome back to another look at the sprawling chaotic cityscape that is Ravnica! Are you tired of the usual taverns and back alleyways common to all D&D campaigns? Are there buildings and locations a normal city would have that just seem to be missing from the limited maps available in the GGtR? Do you not have time to scour through Ravnican lore on a Wiki? Well fret no more! Here today we have 8 interesting, exciting, and possibly extremely dangerous locations for your Ravnica campaign! As with most lore in this campaign setting transferred over from a trading card game, details are very scarce about these locations; where they are, what goes on there, what they look like, etc. You’re going to be filling in the holes with your own details. As you’re probably getting used to doing by now, when in doubt, make sh*t up.

#1 Udzec Maximum Security Prison

This is the Big House. You don’t end up here for a drunken brawl at the bar, kicking an Azorius Lawmage in the nuts, or being exposed as a Dimir operative in the Orzhov Syndicate. This is where the Azorius put away individuals who have proven themselves to be serious threats to Ravnican society. Such acts range from smashing up Tin Street to disintegrating an entire building to threatening the existence of the entire city of Ravnica!

Udzec is located in the Second Precinct of the 10th District (aka, the map you have to work from). Most of the Second Precinct is firmly Azorius territory. Their Guildhall is there, their offices, their courts, their prisons, their officers and officials. To this degree, the greatest defense measure for Udzec is the fact that breaking out of the prison itself doesn’t mean anything if you can’t get out of the whole precinct before every available Azorius arrester is on you.

#2 The Moon Market

Held only once in every 5 full moons, the pretty obviously named “Moon Market” is the mecca of forbidden wares and contraband. Anything guaranteed to get you arrested for possession of will be in there, as well as other potential buyers who, by the very fact that they are in this blackest of Black Markets, should not be messed with. This is where the nastiest, scariest, and most dangerous individuals come to shop. Rakdos Blood Witches, Golgari Lich Lords, Dimir Assassins, Orzhov Tithe Drinkers, and unaffiliated psychopaths just trying to make the voices happy. Good news, you don’t have to worry about law enforcement here! Bad news, anyone here may try to kill you and your body would never be found.

The market is held in the Sixth Precinct, run predominantly by the Orzhov and the Golgari. It’s a safe bet that half the population here is undead, making wandering around the precinct at night at best a death wish and at worst an undeath wish. This means anyone in your group who is a cleric, paladin, or specializes against undead should stay home. They are not welcome in this market and the very act of showing up is likely enough to cause a TPK.

That said, if you need to find something or someone extremely dangerous, this market is, ironically, a safe bet. And if you don’t find the exact evil you’re looking for, you’ll certainly find others.

#3 Duskmantle

There are two Duskmantles. Like with many Ravnican Guildhalls, the old one has fallen into disrepair and become lost to the passage of time. The original Duskmantle was founded by the Dimir Parun, Szadek, and was among the most well-kept secrets in Ravnica throughout his reign. It is now an even more well-kept secret, being forgotten by all, except perhaps Lazav, the current Dimir Guildmaster. While the Dimir are not the type to be swayed by such things as “nostalgia”, “sentimentality”, or “great history”, they are the type to value information no one else knows. Whose to say what might remain in this former headquarters of espionage and scheming? If you wanted to hide something, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better spot than a hidden underground fortress that literally erases your memories of it when you leave.

As to where it resides, that’s anyone’s guess. The Undercity is as big as (and in some cases even bigger than) the sprawling cityscape on the surface. Compounding this is the fact that the whole Undercity is effectively a deadly labyrinth that even citizens who spend their entire lives (or afterlives) residing in will never fully master. I suppose one could ask Lazav, but several things would need to happen first:

1. Find Lazav, who is specifically designed never to be found unless he wants to be.

2. Confront the ultimate spymaster without him escaping or killing you.

3. Convince an individual who is immune to being charmed, frightened, or scryed to give you one of his most cherished(?) secrets.

4. Trust the word of someone who is incapable of being caught in a lie.

5. Traverse the Undercity’s darkest, most dangerous passages and find one of the most heavily-warded constructions in history.

6. Leave with all the memories you entered with.

So yeah, if you’ve already done six impossible things today, why not take a trip to a gloomy underground cathedral for some treasure hunting?

#4 Catacombs of the Obzedat

Within Orzhova, the opulent Guildhall of the Orzhov Syndicate, there are bejeweled catacombs wherein past & present members of the Ghost Council are interred alongside the wealth and riches they accumulated in their lives. This is where the oldest records and dealings made by the Syndicate are kept, hidden away from all but the Guildmasters. This is the heart of Orzhov power. But even beyond the riches, something even more valuable also exists.

Ancient magic predating even the Guildpact lies within these walls, making it one of the only locations on the plane where the magically binding laws hold no sway. There really is no understating the value of such a place. In a city where the laws are the single most powerful magic in existence, immunity to such magic has value beyond measure. This room is one of the biggest secrets in all of Ravnica.

No matter what sort of campaign or story you’re running, this place is a game-changer. Whether a party is intending to rob it for treasure, use it for acts that break Guildpact laws, break free from an ancient debt, borrow some of its power to take elsewhere, hit the scheming Orzhov where it hurts, or have a climactic showdown without outside interference; this is the place to do it. Getting there is the hard part, and getting out again almost impossible if you raise alarms, but there’s no denying the possible rewards if you succeed.

#5 The Jester’s Crypt

Depending on where one lives, one can occasionally forget that a 30-foot-tall Giant Demon Lord of Chaos roams the streets. Under normal circumstances, this would be cause for great alarm in citizens. However, this is Ravnica, and a living embodiment of mayhem & hedonism is not the worst thing you have to deal with on a regular basis. Odds are you have more to fear from your tax collector than Rakdos the Defiler. The Demon Guildmaster of the cult named for him does whatever he wants, and if nothing going on in the city interests him, he may well stay in his lava pit for months or even years at a time, just sleeping.

Having the demon lord’s attention can be a blessing and a curse. Having his ire, however, is pretty much the worst fate one can suffer on Ravnica. Rakdos does not tolerate anyone stealing his spotlight. If you are the poor soul who does thus, he brings you to the Jester’s Crypt to torture you forever. There are no appeals, no one is coming to rescue you, and the only people you will ever see again are similar individuals to be tortured....and Rakdos himself. It’s a door everyone knows but no one ever asks what’s inside. To do so invites suffering beyond measure.

If you are a player, you do not want to ever see this place. If someone you love/care about is sent here, any rescue is going to take preparation out the wazoo. If you’re looking for a breeding ground for tortured souls and individuals capable of challenging Rakdos the Showstopper, there’s no better place to pull one out of. It’s basically a Big Bad breeding ground for demons and malcontents. Considering the spectrum of sins to get one sentenced here ranges from talking sh*t about Rakdos when you don’t think he can hear, to openly challenging him to a deathmatch for control of the Guild, you can conceivably pull NPCs of any & every CR rating from out of here.

#6 The Red Wastes

The Rubblebelt is Gruul territory that makes up the borders around the entire city. Most of it is composed of broken buildings, smashed pavement, and, predictably, rubble. Beyond the Rubblebelt, however, lie the Red Wastes. These are the true untamed wilds of Ravnica, the last in existence. Meaning this is where the beasties too big for the Gruul to wrangle would roam. Wurms, hydras, elementals, and any other giant monsters one can have in a D&D campaign. Out here there is no law, no Guilds, no backup, no nothing. Forest, desert, grasslands, maybe even some tundra; but that’s it.

If your party needs a break from the city or needs to go hunting for rare animals/plants, this is the place they’d go. Pure, undiscovered wilderness savage enough to withstand any attempts at colonizing for over 10,000 years. Anything could be out here.

#7 The Overgrown Tomb

Deep in the Undercity, sparingly touched by rare beams of outside light, lies the lair of Vraska the Unseen. What may have once been a fountain in a plaza is now an underground mausoleum covered in moss and the petrified remains of Vraska’s victims. Given Vraska can range from an urban legend told around campfires to the deadliest assassin in Ravnica or even the Golgari Guildmaster, this, her most private of secret lairs, is one of the most well-kept secrets in all of Ravnica (lot of those, aren’t there?)

If you’ve found the Overgrown Tomb, Vraska will be seeing you shortly. If she’s in the tomb already, prepare for high tension and a strong possibility of certain death and/or petrification. If she isn’t, that’s possibly worse. Anything stolen from her lair will guarantee you a spot on her “Everyone Should Die the Death They Deserve” List. Odds are, if you stole something, she’ll steal an organ or two in return. Which means either you stay awake for the next month straight and die from exhaustion waiting for her to slither out of the shadows to murder you, or you wait around for her and try to appeal to the better nature of a Gorgon Pirate Assassin Planeswalker to hear you out and not kill you on the spot for invading her lair. If your campaign involves eliminating Vraska, this is likely where the final battle will take place. Plus side, there’s nowhere for the assassin to run, which is what assassins typically try to do. Minus side, you are fighting the deadliest individual in Ravnica in her home.

Regardless of the circumstances that might lead one to the Overgrown Tomb, this is one of the coolest places to see from a player perspective. From a character perspective, it’s one of the most terrifying places to be.

#8 The Implicit Maze

Central to The Dragon’s Maze TCG set from Magic the Gathering’s sequel release to Ravnica is the Implicit Maze, aka the Dragon’s Maze, aka Azor’s Labyrinth, aka the Ravnican Mega Dungeon. The Implicit Maze was designed by the Azorius Parun Azor I, a Sphinx, in the unlikely event the Guildpact was ever broken. Like it was. The maze itself winds and navigates its way through the territory of every Guild, hitting each of the wonderfully drawn Guildgates whose art you can post for your players to admire. It goes underground, above ground, through markets, up buildings, and in & out of the entire city. In short, it goes everywhere.

Given the size of the city and therefore the size of any puzzle path snaking its way throughout, the Implicit Maze is truly gargantuan. One could feasibly set an entire campaign around just navigating it. As far as the actual design of the maze/dungeon, there is none, or at least none that’s been released thus far. Which means one can either design their own labyrinth, or find a maze generator, or even steal layouts from other D&D modules/campaigns and just replace with Ravnican NPCs and features. Whatever floats your boat.

If you need a dungeon or even a mega dungeon, this is it. Plus, it’s designed by a Sphinx, who are notorious for being way too smart for anyone’s good (even their own), so it could conceivably have or do anything. It can be whatever sort of puzzle you need for whatever sort of character is tackling it. After all, every Guild’s champion navigated it successfully, from the brilliant mental magic planeswalker Jace Beleren to Ruric Thar the two-headed giant who negotiates corrupt authorities by smashing them with a big club.

[moonexile]

thinking about how luther and vanya are foils of each other and about how luther was such a big advocate for vanya this season, from the very beginning  ( while of course he was cautious before he knew where she was at after everything - ---  but how could he not be?  watching someone blow up the moon is uh? terrifying?  )  

but really from the very first conversation he had with her,  he was so open and trying to protect her mental state.  yes he showed up with a gun but he literally had no idea what he was getting himself into;  it had been a year and he was convinced his entire family was dead,  it’s reasonable for him to be scared and cautious,  but he had no intent of hurting her.  he’s been haunted for a year by what happened,  both of his homes blowing up,  his siblings almost dying,  her losing herself before he ever got the chance to truly know her  ----  but he was considering how she felt. 

he told her that if she was just hiding away from everyone,  then she was allowed to do that,  and he would respect her and stay away,  because he believed that she deserved that.  she clearly looked happy on the farm and that’s all he wanted for her.  he saw last season that she wasn’t happy with them,  and he wants her to be part of this family,  but if she found a new one that’s better for her,  that’s where she should be. of course he wanted her back in his life but when he’s standing there talking to her in the farm,  not understanding that she doesn’t have her memories,  all he can think about is,  “she’s happy here,  she’s happy without us,  and that’s because she’s not with us  --- so why should i take her away from that?”  she has every reason to be mad at all of them,  but luther takes a lot of the responsibility for that,  he harbors a lot of guilt for what happened to her because he believes he is the cause  ---  and everyone in this fandom seems to think he was too but he is not the only one who got her to that point. 

diego says that vanya is the bomb and she will always be the bomb.  always.

but there are so many people who get her to that point.  and even still,  as luther gets to know who she is now,  he puts the responsibility on his shoulders.  “-- since the last time i destroyed the world by overestimating my own importance.”  he believes he’s the fuse and he takes her out of it when talking about it to someone else,  the more and more he begins to understand what he did and what role he played in it,  even though we know now that vanya will always be the bomb no matter who/what the fuse is.  

“you [caused the apocalypse]. but not alone. i was part of it. we all were.”

five and luther have different ways of explaining this to her and both had the same intentions of protecting her,  both of them were trying to care for her as they did it,  but both of them were in different situations with her.  it’s so caring and gentle that five doesn’t tell her she’s the cause of it and in that moment,  he is valid for doing so.  but it’s also so caring that luther tells her the truth as gently as he can,  because at that point,  vanya knows that five lied to her to protect her and she is desperate for the truth.  when she approaches luther about it,  at that point,  she needs the truth,  and not giving it to her wouldn’t be fair.  when she approaches five about it,  not giving her the truth was fair at the time,  because she was just learning everything for the first time.  they were both valid.   but i think it’s important that luther is the one who does tell her the full truth,  because he wants to take responsibility for it too  ---  he wants her to understand that she is not the sole cause,  and to him,  he feels like he played the biggest part in that explosion. 

 “i let you down.  i did horrible things, things i’m not proud of when i could’ve just tried to help you. i thought it was my job to keep everyone safe,  but i just made it all worse.  i never wanted to be the bad guy.” 

it was the worst way he could have done it,  he knows it now,  but when he locked her up in season 1,  he thought that was the only way to protect his siblings and her.  he’s number 1, he’s supposed to be the one people count on,  but that doesn’t mean he’s got all the answers.  he messes up all the time but his intentions are always in the same place  ---  he wants to protect people.  he just never knows how to do it properly.   and i think the fact that he isolated her to figure out how to deal with it is so reflective of his own experience  ---  reginald isolated luther when he didn’t know what to do with him either.   and luther was so twisted in reginald’s web not at all recognizing that he was being abused by reginald all his life,  just now starting to see it,  and it’s just so interesting that he ends up doing something so similar  ---  because for a long time,  he thought that was the right thing to do because reginald made him believe it was.  and that year after this,  it’s all he can think about  --- how he did to her what reginald did to him,  what he was so destroyed about himself.  he hates that he played that role.

so he has this restart with vanya  ---  and it continues on through the whole season.  he tries to validate her every chance he gets.  he sticks up for her when he can,  when he sees that she needs it.

he tells her it’s okay to stay away from them,  if that’s what she wants / needs.  he tells diego off for being upset with her.  he scolds klaus for saying it’s always her  (  because he knows they all played their own part.  )  and at dinner with reginald,  it’s such a small thing,  but when she suggests that they pass around the shell,  he tells her it’s a good idea,  he tells diego that he needs to have the shell to speak -- not because it’s important to him, but he knows it’s important to vanya,  he knows how badly she wants to play a role in this family and if this is her idea,  then he wants to encourage it.  and when reginald asks about her powers,  and none of them realize what she’s capable of now,  they’re all scared of her  ---  and he holds her hand.  he tells her it’s okay,  that she doesn’t have to show anyone anything.  but when she does,  he tells her it’s impressive.  he is so proud of her.  

he has always been impressed with her powers,  but he was introduced to them in such a horrible way.  his sister was almost violently murdered,  pogo was violently murdered,  leonard was violently murdered  (  obviously he doesn’t care about him,  but that sight?  it’s not something you forget about,  especially for a man so against killing.  )   when it’s someone who has only ever wanted to use his powers to HELP people,  not hurt,    of course he was scared and worried in the beginning,  but now he’s had all this time to process it.  he’s seen her use her powers for something not so destructive,  and he can see that it’s impressive and that she belonged with the rest of them all along.

he is one of her biggest advocates this season and it started in a place of fear from her,  but he clearly respected her so much.  and he cares about her.  and he wants to help her because he sees that he should have been the one rooting for her all his life,  and he’s mad that he didn’t get that chance.  but even in the flashback,  we see that he didn’t invalidate the way she felt.  when she tells everyone at ben’s funeral that it’s not their fault,  and diego tells her she can’t possibly know that,  luther is quick to tell him off for it  ---  meaning that he did still see her as part of their family,  despite how we know they all pushed her aside in some way  (  and he did too,  of course,  but i think this moment is very important in understanding that even though it was his duty to reflect reginald’s lead,  he never fully left her out,  he encouraged her being part of this family too. ) 

luther and vanya are foils of each other.  they were both so isolated as children but in very opposite ways  --- one who is ordinary and one who is supposed to be the best.  being the one that close to reginald,  the one who was gaslit to the point of genuinely believing this is all they are ever supposed to be,  who had such a twisted perspective of everything because of it,  he suffered from his abuse too  ---  to the point where he never,  until he was 30 years old,  believed that there was more he could be / more he could do / more than his powers + his duty to save the world.  he didn’t think he was allowed to have a normal life.  he didn’t stay back while the others left because he thought he was better than them;  he stayed back because he thought it was his responsibility,  because reginald engrained that in his head since he was a kid.  and that’s why he feels abandoned by all of them  ---  because shouldn’t they think that too? 

all the siblings have formed their own opinions about reginald and they all recognized the abuse they dealt with - ---  but a lot of luther and vanya’s abuse didn’t come out until after his funeral.  it is so recent and it is so NEW for them to discover.  luther finds out that he was sent to the moon for nothing; five years he was isolated,  five years he spent every moment just analyzing the moon because that’s why he was sent there,  it was his duty,  and he was spending all this time trying to impress reginald + make him proud,  and do something that would literally save the whole world,  only to find out that reginald only sent him there because he didn’t know what to do with him  (  and this fandom still thinks this is a joke??? )  imagine spending 5 years of your life dedicated to a cause that doesn’t exist.  and then we find out that reginald was just trying to keep him busy so that he would be there for the team when they all needed to reunite,  meaning that he was scared that luther would discover he could have a life outside of that house,  so he had to do everything to stop him from thinking for himself.  he literally did not allow luther to form his own thoughts.  he put things in place so that luther would continue to be his puppet.  it is such a parallel to allison rumoring vanya that she is ordinary + keeping her on meds.  reginald forces both of them into theses thoughts, in some way  --  because he’s forcing vanya feel ordinary,  and he’s forcing luther to feel purposeful.  and to get what he wants,  that’s what he needs from them both. 

reginald’s abuse is what leads luther and vanya to the position they get into at the end of season 1.  they both do what they do in response to their trauma,  and how they’re just learning about it for the first times in their lives.  luther is trying to prove that he is a good leader,  so he does something destructive.  vanya is trying to prove she is not ordinary,  so she does something destructive.  it’s not the same thing but the reasoning / way they get there is.  

they are both on very opposite sides of reginald’s abuse,  and it’s very important to see them start to understand that.  reginald’s abuse of vanya is very obvious and very clear to the siblings once they learn about it.  luther’s abuse is less obvious because he was gaslit into following his lead so loyally,  so his siblings saw him content with what was happening and believed that he just genuinely liked their father.  but all through season 1,  we see diego try to spell it out to luther to get him to understand that what their father did to them,  especially to luther,  wasn’t right.  we see klaus immediately respond to reginald by coming to luther’s defense and telling him that what he did to luther was wrong.  they all start to recognize how luther was abused and they try to show luther that too.   neither vanya or luther understood what reginald was really doing to them until the end.  it’s so important that they both are the ones to really set off the apocalypse  (  despite their entire family playing their own role.  )  

still,  i don’t believe luther is the fuse in the first apocalypse because the commission’s order to “protect harold jenkins” tells us everything we need to know  (  and even then, that goes back to everything he learned from reginald,  who is the real fuse  ),  but luther will always feel like he was the fuse anyway,  he will always take responsibility for it even though it was reginald’s abuse that led him there.  he takes responsibility and he works really fucking hard to make sure he is never vanya’s fuse again,  and more than that,  to try to make sure she never has one again.

[bouvillea]

a dense G24 Part 2 Essay

Here is my Part 1 Essay. Like before, I would like to talk about some parts of G24 Part 2 that I found interesting first. Feel free to skip ahead to around the fourth paragraph my discussion of the plot. Spoilers ahead.

The atmosphere is very similar to G20. I don't know about how others felt when they played through G20, but the uncertainty about who you could trust (Talvish...) was emphasized to the point where I, the player, couldn't make a sound decision either. G24 Part 2 revolved a lot around the fact that the Milletian and those that help the Milletian couldn't parse why and what was happening in Erinn. There was just a constant stream of dread and bitterness and an uncertainty about the Milletian themselves; the replies we were allowed to choose reflects that. Is the Milletian really good for the sake of Erinn's future? More on this later.

Part 2 opens with Hunter being, for once, very vulnerable to the Aces and the Milletian. He reveals to us his nightmares about his past and Fodla's past. We continue to see these bonding moments between the Aces, the Expeditionary Force, and the Milletian.* Starlet plays a bigger role now as a counterpoint to Fodla. One moves minds and hearts with persuasion and charisma, the other directly manipulates memories and emotions. The Aces clearly serve as the opposing undercurrent to Vayne's prediction at the end of Part 1. The Milletian will always have friends and supporters that cherishes them. Whether or not that is enough to stop the Milletian from spiraling into angst is another story.

*The Milletian really needs some after care...no one asks how the Milletian is feeling after all of this...

Ultimately, a lot of loose ends and story plots were tied up in Part 2, most of them very bittersweet and only vaguely hopeful at best. These back stories served to make us sympathize with the antagonists and make their motives understandable.

For that reason, I cannot come to hate Fodla. She had a very contrived method of protecting Hunter--her little brother. In a pact she made with Hymerark, Hunter's memories of her and his past were mostly sealed away. To make up for the fact that her little sister, Eriu, was sacrificed and succumbed to the curse, Fodla took in Deirbhile. She was a substitute that Fodla loved, but even in her last moments, Fodla wanted her real sibling. Deirbhile is truly a tragic character. She is a personality made and shaped by Fodla. Whoever she was before is probably buried deep in the recesses of her mind. Judging by the last scenes, Deirbhile cannot exist or function normally without Fodla.

Speaking of which, did Deirbhile make an oath with Hymerark, too? What for? We won't know unless we knew who she was before she met Fodla...

Thanks to Merlin, we now know that a Geas is a pact with a god, a pact that cannot be broken easily. If, in Part 1, the Milletian seeks out Vayne in Bangor and speaks to him wearing one of the Geas armors, he speaks about the dangers of being bound under a Geas: "You become bathed in the absolute authority of his will, which grants tremendous gifts and metes out terrible punishments".* Going against the orders of Hymerark will invoke a punishment. And so Vayne insinuates that he still needs to pay for abandoning his duties on the first night to hang out with the Milletian, and the Incubus King does his best to subvert the Geas in order to help.

*Thank you to Mita on twitter for supplying me with the extra dialogue I missed.

Speaking of which, the Incubus King really went full on angst and drama when he had to separate from his wife and Eiren, huh? He gave away his powers, haphazardly made a deal with Hymerark so he could have a dark, gloomy sarcophagus to dream about his time with his wife and child. Even Eiren made an off-handed remark about how lame it all was. It feels like the developers and writers realized that his motivations were very tropey so they decided to make fun of it. And then Eiren followed up with "he sort of...melted away into the darkness like summer snow". Oh. Okay. Goodbye, papa.

I'm going to continue off-tangent here and talk about Manannan, too. He comes back, all salty that the Milletian is busting into his temple uninvited (he does say another uninvited visitor, so was there someone before the Milletian?). But Manannan is so Cat Mom to the Far Darrigs that he can't maintain his pompous god-like demeanor in front of them and the Milletian. He can't bear to frighten the squishy Far Darrigs. It's nice to see that the Far Darrig's love and trust of Manannan isn't misplaced and is reciprocated. I don't think the Far Darrigs were there when Manannan met Scathach, so did he pick them up when he was heartbroken over her? Pure speculation, but that would be really something... Manannan tries to exit the conversation with the Milletian gracefully but then the Far Darrigs ruin it by letting us know that he's going to play with them. Hah. Glad to see his character getting fleshed out like this.

The Far Darrigs also "uwu" at me so there was that. Okay, back to critical analysis.

Human* greed and corruption is a repeating theme for the gods. Manannan said it in regards to the Fairy Queen's reason for leaving, and Vayne, a former Evil God, said the same to the Milletian during their fight. Even Morrighan and Talvish accused the Milletian of claiming powers out of greed and selfishness. The Milletian is a god-like being with human needs and motivations. They see the world in a much smaller frame than the gods do, but possess powers to rival the lowest gods. Make a mistake as a Milletian, and you might as well make a mistake for the whole world. And yet, the Milletian is not recognized as a deity by the gods, and not as a human by the mortals. They're an outsider.

*I will be using human synonymously for "mortal" since there are multiple races in Erinn

And being an outsider is a vexation for the Milletian brought to the front of the mind during this arc. They are always reminded that they are not one of them, that they are a special existence. Vayne's words wheedle into the mind every time they help someone out of kindness. Admiration will turn to fear, fear will turn to hate. The elves and giants forgetting the Milletian and blaming them, albeit artificially stimulated, was a taste of that. Fodla's nightmarish illusion also put the Milletian in the state of being a stranger. They stand at a distance, listening in on a conversation they aren't a part of.  And when they are noticed, there is nothing they can do to deter the hate, or prevent the blood on their hands. The worst part was that the Milletian's friends do zero damage to them. It was a cruel, one-sided fight.

But maybe this is all a trial for the Milletian, too. To steel their heart and understand who are really their friends and what role they play in Erinn. Piran said that Hymerark's trials for the people of Erinn have gotten more out of hand since Hymerark recognized the Milletian's existence. Then, perhaps, the Milletian isn't an outsider anymore. The trials are meant to be completed with the Milletian's help accounted for. These trials will unify the people of Erinn against the Order of the Black Moon.

Which, when you think about it, is not very dissimilar to Talvish's idea to unify the people against a common cause. You'll also have to admit that Vayne's/Hymerark's plan is a lot better than Talvish's. Piran also mentioned that Aton Cimeni and Talvish both condone chaos, so it explains why Talvish hasn't popped out to help the Milletian yet, or to defend them from a very persistent Vayne. He tried helping a little in G22 and then again during G23 but it seems like he got told off and instead sent Merlin to protect Erinn and protect the Milletian. Talvish is definitely on the Milletian's side though, and is probably hoping that they stay true to themselves and continue to help others.

If the goal of Hymerark was to make the Milletian to feel as helpless as possible and then chase them out of Erinn, he wouldn't need to go through such lengths. He could simply pop the Milletian into the Soul Stream and get rid of them there. Cichol did it, I don't see why one of the Three Gods couldn't. Or perhaps Hymerark's original plan was to get rid of the Milletian, but Vayne's oath with him prevented that. Vayne would want trials for the Milletian to overcome so they would become strong enough to defeat him. On the same note, since the trials are getting more intense due to the Milletian (different, I would say, than the trials are happening because of the Milletian), is the Milletian really good for the future of Erinn? I imagine the turmoil the Milletian is going through has something to do with this. Would the trials have been easier if the Milletian wasn't there? Would less people have died and gotten hurt if they did not step into Erinn?

Very briefly, on Cethlenn and Marleid. I had an inkling for a while that they knew each other (thank you, KR Twitter) but due to circumstances, they had forgotten one another. Marleid took on his name, and Cethlenn isn't his real name. So...did he pick "Cethlenn" or did someone name him that? Or did he just switch names with "Marleid"? If Vayne named him Cethlenn...well then. That's the name of Mythological Figure Balor's wife so...writers what are you thinking? (Or, more likely, Fodla named him to change him and meeting his childhood friend with his old name was the biggest trigger to disrupt her abilities.)

Anyway, things aren't looking good for Cethlenn. Or Tani. Tani's last letter to the Milletian had Morse code that vaguely translated to "please letmeout".* Upsetting, especially now that it's implied that Hymerark will use her body to descend to the mortal world. I'm just waiting for Aton Cimeni to pop into the Milletian's body to tell everyone to stop it and shut up.

*Other interesting implications regarding how Milletians work. They can sleep, but do not dream. Nao remembers every Milletian and they can chose to leave whenever or never return.

After all that has happened in G24, I hope we can get some good closure. And I hope the Milletian gets a nice break.

[always-evergreen]

jasmine, primrose, gardenia, lions fairytale, lily of the valley, desert rose, creams and sky, tulip, daphne, wisteria, angels face, iris, caramel kisses, primula, queen anne's lace, forget me not, lunaria, sunflower, snowdrop, peonie, tea rose, sweet pea, love in the mist, crown imperial, cosmos, moon flower, lily, anemone, lotus, buttercup, calendula, blazing star, carnation, petunia, and morning glory 💐🌸💮🌹🌺🌻🌼🌷

whew this is a lot!! thanks for asking! ill put this under a read more so I dont clog up everyones dash

jasmine; what mythical creature do you wish actually existed? - my favourite was always griffins but I feel like theyd be kinda terrifying so im gonna go w mermaids!!

primrose; what book does everyone right now need to read? - not really a specific book but I think people just need to read more old timey books where literally nothing happens to calm us all down a little

gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself? - I dont make promises to myself bc I know me too well and that bitch is a liar

lion’s fairytale; would you rather be the sky, the ocean or the forests? - this is actually a really cool question! I feel like the sky would be kinda lonely whereas the ocean and forests are full of life..... im gonna go forest just bc its a little less scary than the ocean lol

lily of the valley; did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? - cant say anyones ever actually hurt me that badly lol

desert rose; do you like yourself? - eh sure. could be improved upon but could be a whole lot worse!!

creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done? - its not crazy but the bravest thing ive done is probably move away from home for university...and then drop out of two separate higher education courses lmfao

tulip; name 5 facts about yourself. - 1. im 5′6″. 2. ive dyed my hair 10 times. 3. im the middle of 3 siblings. 4. my biggest fear is someone breaking into my house. 5. my favourite animals are turtles!

daphne; do you believe in karma? - mmm not really... I dont not believe in it tho

wisteria; whom do you admire and why? - can I be honest w u guys? ive never had a role model in my life. never once have I looked at someone and been like ‘wow ur so cool and admirable I want to be like u’ like I just dont “admire” people idk:/

angel’s face; what was your favorite bedtime story as a child? - I really loved on Christmas eve when my dad would read us all the night before Christmas and the miracle of Jonathan Toomey... even when I got older and he was really just reading to my sister id still listen in lol

iris; do you believe in ghosts? - hell yeah!

caramel kisses; would you want to live forever? why/why not? - maybe so that I could really see the whole world and travel everywhere and experience everything these different places have to offer but probably not bc once all my friends and family died itd be really lonely... if there were other immortals then possibly

primula; what makes you sad? - my cats getting quite old so its really upsetting to think that in a few years hes gonna die

queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most? - my bitch haide<3

forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life? - yeah of course what kind of sociopath doesn't have regrets!!

lunaria; what’s your favorite fictional universe? - middle earth

sunflower; share a favorite quote. - “Don’t die wondering.” - The Way Way Back

snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like? - sleep till noon, lie in bed watching movies all day, walk the dog, large bowl of pasta for dinner, more movies

peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you. - “He does something to me, that boy. Every time. It’s his only detriment. He steps on my heart. He makes me cry.” - The Book Thief, Markus Zuzak… that's always been one of my favourite books and rudys one of my all time favourite characters and this was the first time I had ever cried reading a book... fun fact ive actually only read this book twice bc I dont have the emotional strength to go through this scene again

tea rose; what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared? - I honestly cant think of anything atm...

sweet pea; who means the world to you? why? - my friends, my pets, my dad, jesse pinkman

love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read? - gotta say the book thief lol uhh fahrenheit 451, pretty much anything by ray Bradbury actually, to kill a mockingbird, the secret life of bees, lotr, his dark materials, little women, dorian gray, the shadow of the wind series

crown imperial; would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved? - id like to have money obviously but id rather be loved than super rich

cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy? - cant say that I do

moonflower; what’s your favorite color? - pink! and blue and yellow

lilly; what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do? - I gave up being embarrassed about my interests years ago, theres no time for feeling bad about stuff u enjoy in life

anemone; describe yourself in 3 words. - baddest bitch alive. nah jk ummm quiet, curious, daydreamer

lotus; best memory as a child? - I have such a bad memory so I dont actually remember a lot of my childhood but ill say just in general the time spent at my grans during the summer holidays, especially if our cousins were also visiting. that was a lot of fun

buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be? - redistribute the wealth of the super rich, thereby contributing to ending poverty, hunger and homelessness across the world

calendula; biggest pet peeve? - slow walkers, people who chew with their mouths open

blazing star; share a secret. - I dont really have secrets lmao nothing that interesting ever happens to me

carnation; would you rather live longer or happier? - happier

petunia; who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why? - again I dont look up to people and I am inspired by no one

morning glory; any special talent that you have? - I dont even have any normal talents let alone special ones lol

thanks for asking! hope this was interesting xx

[gigili-jiggly]

can you list your favorite klance fics ://

(i’m not sure how to respond to your ‘ :// ‘ emoji, but i’ll take any excuse to gush about fics lol)

I have so many favorite fics, so I’ll just list some oneshots for now so that this list doesn’t become too long 

(I might post a list of more oneshots and ongoing fics if anyone is interested!)

SFW Oneshots: 

you’re lucky that’s what i like by @zenstrike

Lance rescues a hamster from certain doom.

or, Lance has Keith wrapped around his little finger and doesn’t even realize it.

This is literally the cutest and softest klance series I’ve read in a long time!! It gives me lots of feelings and feeds my need for lovestruck Keith ladfajdifjdsklf <33

hey, mom, i met a boy by @mothpoem

“Sweetheart,” says Lance, his hair longer, his shoulders broader, the slope of his nose uneven now where it didn’t used to be, “you don’t know the half of it.”

LISTEN. This fic owns my ass, it’s so good. It has all my favorite tropes (marriage proposals, visions of the future, love realizations, etc.) and every moment between Lance and Keith is so sweet and full of love hnnngh. 

i know what you did last summer by seventies

Saving angry, mysterious damsels in distress multiple times weren’t in the job description of being a lifeguard. It would have been slightly bearable if only everyone would stop asking Lance if he remembered what he did last summer. What really happened, anyway? AU

Pining Keith? Oblivious Lance? A little bit of Memory Loss? Heck yeah!!! This fic also made me laugh a lot, so I always reread this when I need a pick-me-up <33

this, our town of halloween by @tobiologist

“Yeah, well, it’s written all over both of your faces,” Lance hisses. “It’s not a big deal.”

Pidge taps her chin. “Oh, you mean Keith, the local introvert and your ex-rival, creeping out of his cave to go to a huge Halloween celebration with you and your little niece and nephew? Of course that’s not a big deal. Silly me!”

Or: Lance invites Keith to Disneyland on Halloween and glimpses an entirely new side of the boy he has a stupidly massive crush on.

Lately, I’ve been loving tropes where people go on a ‘date’, insist that it’s not a date and then finally realize it’s a date. Also, pining Lance is good shit. 

Smell as Sweet by ultimateparadox

Coffee and love, Lance thinks, are the only universal constants.

Established relationship!!! Marriage proposals!!! Becoming a family!!! Everything here is amazing!!!

Bastion by Foxcote

In a healing universe, Keith and Lance await the arrival of their daughter.

I am a sucker for klance as parents, and one scene in particular between Keith and Krolia really captured my heart <33

In every reality, I reach for you by @enlacinglineswrites

Stories inspired the Klance AU month prompts.

I love drabble series and this one right here has so many interesting and wonderful aus! I read it time and time again like a morning newspaper lol. 

Somewhere a Clock is Ticking by @emphasis-all-mine

This is a story about time travel, lost memories, growing up broken, ukulele lessons, peanut butter banana sandwiches, and a stuffed hippo named Patches.

This is also the story of how James Griffin saved the world, but couldn’t stop his parents from falling in love.

Literally the fic that made me warm up to James! I’ve always loved time travel stories and the characterizations in this fic is so fun and enjoyable, I hold it very close to my heart! Also, klance family aldjofiadjfdf

5 + 1 times: lance and the search for keith’s boyfriend by @starwar 

Who could it be?!

Lance tried to convince himself it wasn’t jealousy… it was just friendly concern. He had to ensure that whoever Keith was with treated him well, not that Keith needed Lance to look after him, but still, Keith deserved the world and Lance wanted to make sure whoever he was with gave that to him.

Just buddy-buddy concerns.

or alternatively; 5 + 1 times lance doesn’t realise he’s keith’s boyfriend

Oblivious Lance who doesn’t know he’s Keith’s boyfriend? Bet your ass I’m gonna read that!!

chaser of fate by freshia

Where Lance thinks everyone else is really frickin’ weird, the others spend copious amounts of time trying to get him to just remember, and Keith just wants to (re?)live his life.

(Modern Reincarnation AU where the biggest threat to face, is the looming deadlines for essays.)

One of the first klance fics I’ve read and one that I absolutely consider a classic. I love me some reincarnation au’s, and I love how this one is nice and not too angsty! 

Save the Date by @thathopelessromantic 

They had gotten married in the middle of a war, on an alien spaceship, both boasting major injuries. It was rushed and short and the team was thrust into battle almost immediately after “I do.” But afterwards, after some insistent questioning from Keith, Lance admitted to things he had let himself imagine for their wedding, were they to have had one on Earth.

Cute established and married klance celebrating their anniversary, what more can a girl want? 

Speak for the Stars by @speakswords 

All Lance has ever wanted is to prove his worth. So, maybe it’s fitting that the Black Lion picked him right when Lotor betrayed them and Shiro’s clone went rogue. Right when the team was at its lowest and closest to failing.

The desire for glory that Lance grew up with—that drove him to join the Garrison and pursue fighter class, that drove him into his one-sided rivalry with Keith, that drove him after Keith in the Sonoran Desert and into Blue’s cockpit and into space and into the war in the first place—it’s a relic of the past for him now. All he wants these days is to keep his friends alive and the Coalition afloat, and he tries his best, despite the pervasive fear that he isn’t the right person for this monumental task. Despite the growing certainty that Black picked the wrong guy.

This fear will be put to the ultimate test when the mess that ensnares the team after the clone disaster turns out to be a labyrinth more winding than any of them were prepared for. Because Lance might just be the only person equipped to lead them through this maze and into the light.

I love those tropes where peeps get stuck in their own dreams and someone has to help them snap out of it. This fic does this wonderfully with Lance and I loved Keith’s dream in here, it was so sweet <33

in every reality, we meet by ULTIOcean

Small one-shots about our favorite team, taken from a prompt list on tumblr for the October Writting Challenge, in which i’ll write 31 short stories, unrelated to each other, each insipred by the prompt of the day.

i adore this drabble series, each chapter is such a unique take on the prompt! 

you’ve got a hand for the taking (i’m about to take it to the moon) by seabear

“I think,” Lance says, squinting, “he’s a vampire.”

one of my comfort fics to be honest. i really really like their interactions here and the confession scene makes me very happy

where & how we’ll land by @ephemelody 

The first time Keith meets Lance is also the first time they kiss. It all goes downhill for him from there.

looking for a childhood klance fic that is so so good? this one is a classic!!!

Complete Mature/Explicit Oneshots: 

assemble by groovystars

‘there was an idea- katie and hunk know about it- called the voltron initiative. the plan was-is, god, it is- to bring together a group of remarkable people, and see if together they could become something more. to fight the battles we never could. i wasn’t sure though. just knew that katie and hunk could do it, maybe lance if he wasn’t knee-deep in cover work. but now that cap’s used to the century and keith kogane turned up from the dead, and we have a literal god on our hands… now- now i think we can do that. i think we can believe in heroes.’

aka the marvel au that’s probably already been done

As a huge Marvel fan, this is an amazing superhero au!! It has klance and shatt, as well as lotor and allura in a thor and loki dynamic! 

i like me better when i’m with you by @reader115 

His mother’s advice when the war is over? That he should ask for what he wants.

Keith joins Lance and his family on their farm, and Lance wishes for a never ending visit.

i’ve read so many post-canon fics when vld ended and this one is one of my absolute favorites. It’s because of this fic that i started associating the song with klance, haha! I love the characterizations and the overall sweetness/lovey dovey feeling the fic has and aldoifjaidfd I just love reading this over and over again <33

there are worse things i could do by @peachgrdn 

His chest went tight when he recalled Keith’s face. What did it have to mean? They’d never been lovers; that much was clear.

When Lance goes out to buy himself a gift for his own pleasure, it comes with a little emotional baggage. Only just as he thinks he can manage it, Keith throws himself into the mix, and Lance realizes he must come to terms with buried feelings.

honestly, i consider lyssy the queen for fluffy and feely smut lol. I love her humor in this one as well as the many feels it gives me…just aldkjodfa i love this fic a lot okay?

kiss me (like it hurts) by mottainai

Purple light streamed through his kitchen window from the neon sign across the street, getting tangled in Keith’s hair and painted on the planes of his shoulders. He held his breath, afraid to disturb the moment. Keith’s eyes were on his, too soft to be coming from a dangerous man. Lance could see himself becoming caught in the gap in his teeth, pressed into the groves of his calloused hands, inked across his ribs. It should terrify him, the kind of terror of one looking into the belly of the beast.

But it didn’t.

Or: Keith and Lance, told through arguments and resolutions

i’m such a sucker for gangster keith stuff and this fic here has one of my favorite takes on it. perfect for rereading again and again! 

lure by chaeriee 

Becoming indebted to Keith Kogane was not a part of Lance’s future plans. Falling for him, even less so.

another gangster keith fic and it has almost all of my guilty pleasures in it uwu. i love those /person A needs to pay off a debt and works for person B while unknowingly becoming the most important one to them’ storylines haha! 

 Alpha Affairs by marizousbooty

Keith and Lance take a romantic vacation to the mountains for a snowy weekend getaway.

vampire lance and werewolf keith….doing it….good stuff

Heaven in hiding by i_write_shakespeare_not_disney

Keith finds something interesting in Lance’s drawer and it leads to one of the most amazing nights of his life.

insecure lance in lingerie and keith helping him become comfortable with it? sexy. 

Beast of Burden by melancholymango

“Keith, no, we can’t go again.” Lance pleads fall on deaf ears. Keith is honed in on him now like predator to prey. He’s fighting a losing battle and they both know it. He sees it in the way Keith is raking his eyes over him, sizing him up. “We’ll be so late getting to the bar.”

“Just one more.” Keith insists, herding Lance toward the counter with a stubbornness that is innately wolf. Lance pouts, but he doesn’t have anywhere else to go but backward.

“That’s what you said last time! And the time before that!”

–

The week leading up to a supermoon, as told by the world’s best werewolf boyfriend, Lance McClain. The good, the bad, and the horny.

I read this on Halloween and I’m not even ashamed of how much I enjoyed this. This fic made me very very biased towards werewolf keith lol.