#1) you don't have to medically transition to be a woman. you can just decide.

[legalisedrunkdriving]

I had too much to eat yesterday, went to bed early, and apparently woke up and wrote this in a haze at about 2am before going back to bed.

[smiley-positivity-potato]

as a trans man who is queer, I thought I'd be viewed by other cis people as a queer man. instead i am seen as a cis straight woman in a costume by cis people when they learn i am trans. i am seen as someone who doesn't count to some gay men as "man enough". the parts I was born with are seen as so unseemly, so "taboo", that I am not accepted by some other gay men. "I could never truly relate to them", They think. "How would I know what it means to be a man?", They think. I am not man enough for them. I am different. Some cis women see me as just "one of the gals" once some cis women learn i have a vagina. Then I am not a man at all. It's just a label they don't need to acknowledge nor learn about. They are relieved I'm not a cis man. They are relieved I'm JUST a "trans man". I am not real to them. I will forever just be one of the gurls. i do not, or have i ever wanted a vagina, breasts or ovaries. I never wanted a period or to be deemed "a cis woman". Most of my pre and post transition, due to how society labelled me, I was never viewed as a queer man by some. Even by some in my own community. This will not stop me. The people I have met that loved or do love me, accept me. I ACCEPT ME. And as long as I exist, I will always respect myself- not just as a man, but as a proud queer trans man. I was born into this world with two rights:

1. I have a right to announce my desire for respect and state who I am and what I proudly represent.

AND

2. I have a right to exist, EVEN if I'm the only one on this Earth who acknowledges it.

People will say a lot of things to transmascs, a lot of things that will possibly devastate you. But always know, you have a right as a queer trans man, to be here. Just like everyone else. You can control who you ARE and what you want to represent as a man, regardless of medical transition or not. You can decide and lead the life of a leader, an inspiration, a hero- EVEN IF IT'S JUST FOR YOURSELF. Saving your manhood, against all odds- that's what it means to tell others, no, better yet - SHOW THEM THAT YOU ARE HERE AND THAT YOU BELONG HERE. YOU ARE NOT TABOO. YOU ARE NOT LESS OF A QUEER MAN. YOU ARE A QUEER MAN! AND YOU ARE YOUR BIGGEST HERO. BECAUSE YOU HAD THE REALIZATION THAT YOU ARE A MAN AND RAN TOWARDS THAT FUTURE. IF YOU DON'T LOOK UP TO YOURSELF IN THIS WORLD THEY WILL TRY TO PULL YOU DOWN LOW, UNTIL YOU CANT NEVER STAND BACK UP.

I am a queer trans man. You are a queer trans man. But most important of all, we are queer men.

[antlered-vixen]

Hi! I really look up to you, I guess because of your age and because of what you've gone through. It must be hard to transition so many times, but it must have given you a lot of perspective.

Can I ask you something? How do you keep going? I can't find a community that welcomes me. People here are hurtful, and hateful- why do so many transfems online hate transmascs and intersex people? I don't hate them. It makes me want to cry. All I do is exist, and they tear into me for my identity.

Do you know how to find people who are kind, and don't put you down for who you are? I thought that maybe you've experienced some of these same things.

Sorry if this seems like a vent. You don't need to reply to it if it's too much or makes you uncomfortable.

Hey there.

I imagine I am older than you and possibly more experienced, yes, so I'll be glad to share a few things I've learned on existing as an intersex vaguely transmasc person.

1) Community rarely is and in fact should not generally be an echo chamber of people comprised of the exact same overlap of identitarian labels. A politics of compassion, mutual aid and community cannot be built with complete sameness as its main pillar.

Sure, yes, most of my friends are queer of some type. But I have befriended and become close with people gay and bi and straight, trans and cis, intersex or not. I've even dated outside what might be perceived outside my normal pool, taking no particular offense if for example someone generally identified as a lesbian tells me "well, you happen to be just ambiguous enough that even though I know you're not a woman, I find you hot in a butch way". Whatever - respect my name and pronouns and we're fine.

Identities and boundaries of attraction, friendship, commonality of experience and whatnot are very fluid and complex. "Your people" is not some preexisting uniform niche you will ever find - you have to bring them together yourself.

2) Transfems, as some kind of villified monolith (for the love of god enough of that!), do not hate intersex people or transmascs. Many are rightfully frustrated with people who think misandry is a thing - it's not.

Yes, transmasculine people are oppressed in ways unique to their experience, but not because they are trans, and also men. Because being men per se isn't a category that is dismpowered. They are oppressed in unique ways because they are specifically trans men, and therefore not fully offered the privileges of manhood, and in fact often perceived as failed/fraudulent men and/or failed/fraudulent masculine women. That's just plain old transphobia.

Transmisogyny is a word that exists to point out that being a woman is, in and of itself, a category of oppression, and that can overlap and intersect with the specificities of being a trans woman.

Honestly, we are actually all of us with our heads way up in our arse if we see fellow trans people as some primary foe - we hold little to no systemic privilege over one another, as trans and trans-adjecent genders are frankly at the very bottom of the hierarchy of gendered power, and out there in the real world our access to resources, our professional opportunities, our housing situations, our medical care, is decided almost entirely by old cis men in power and maybe sometimes the occasional powerful woman a la Theresa May.

Our material conditions are not going to be struggled for over comments in a Tumblr thread, I promise you.Keep your pain and tears for the class war, and to fight against the structures and systems that meaningfully decide the circumstances of your life.

And if the occasional trans woman is being mean to you online and doesn't actually have a good point... just ignore her. Every single group of humans has annoying people in it, even trans women, who are, you know, a complex and diverse group of fallible human people.

3) Many people will question the truth of your experiences, because a lot of intersex people undergo coercions and cruelties incompatible with what people want to believe is "the state of modern civilziation".

Surely not! Surely people are not given hormones coercively, shadily, by some family doctor! Surely babies are not mutilated with money paid under the table! Surely teens are not lied to and given T-blockers under false pretenses! Surely we don't live in such a world!

Worse yet, you will surely hear "impossible; teens given hormones is not to easy or common - that's a TERF argument", which is such a silly position. No, teens are given hormones easily, as long as it is in the service of maintaining and strengthening the gendered systems of categorization and assignment, rather than disrupting them.

If explaining politely avails nothing, ignore. You truly gain nothing by arguing online. Ultimately those unwilling to truly summon empathy and imagine experiences very different from their own will not learn it suddenly, this 18th of January, on Tumblr.

4) The best way to get people to be kind to you is by being kind to people yourself.

Suffering and grief is a nasty process, as it often closes us in on ourselves and makes us bitter and solispistic and self-obsessed, rotisserie-chicken turning our own trauma and worldviews in endless self-examination and writhing. It's understandable, but it's also not good for us, and it can make us, unintentionally, poor friends and poor partners, when we are so lost in our own self-narrativization.

Break away from that at your own initiative, be more extroverted and kind to others and curious about them and their lives, and empathetic, and believe me, it will be returned, eventually, by those who will make good friends and companions.

Ps.

You can reach out in private. I won't bite.

[genderqueerdykes]

Hello! (Sorry for my English, I'm using a translator to write this XP) I really love your posts and they really helped me sort out my feelings in a lot of ways (including as a trans man), but I still have a lot of doubts. I like to think and talk about myself as a man, but at the same time I do not have severe gender dysphoria, and when I think about starting my transition, I am tormented by huge doubts, as if I am afraid to regret my decision, but at the same time I like to imagine myself as a man and I very often regret that I was not born a man (like I would like to have a penis and get rid of this annoying breast). I seem to have a special idea of ​​what kind of man I should be, and if I don’t be exactly that, then my life will be destroyed. I have read a lot about how male hormones affect the body of trans guys and I am afraid to face the negative consequences of the transition (for example, baldness, I am very attached to my long hair and I am afraid of losing it), I am afraid that I will become ugly and only cripple my body . I'm scared that I'll never be a full-fledged man. Can you please tell more about how you felt when you first started to accept yourself as a trans man, it would help me a lot :)

hello!

dysphoria is not required to be any type of trans person.

it is normal to have doubts at first when questioning one's gender, i think it's good that you've figured out that you definitely perceive yourself as male and enjoy doing so, that is honestly the most important part of the experience. fear and anxiety creep in and make us second guess ourselves but the truth is honestly more simple than we feel

fortunately testosterone doesn't make anyone "ugly" or "crippled" and many of the effects of testosterone in the body "revert" back to how it was before if the person is not taking testosterone for a substantial amount of time (1.5 years+). please be careful when sending other people asks like this, this belief is radfem/terf rhetoric, and it's best to undo that thinking and understand that testosterone is a hormone that exists in all of our endocrine systems regardless of agab- every person has both estrogen and testosterone in their bodies at all times, and not one hormone or the other makes someone ugly or bad- there is nothing inherently bad about testosterone, or high testosterone bodies.

please remember when sending me asks like this that i was born in a high testosterone body and HRT helped and affected my body secondarily, not primarily- it is taken to augment my body's naturally high T levels. this line of thinking makes me feel super alienated from the transmasculine community and awkward, which is partially why i primarily identify as a trans woman and struggle to identify as a trans man anymore.

it's normal to fear balding, every transmasc and trans man i've ever met has feared baldness, myself included, but baldness isn't a guarantee, it's just 1 possible side effect amongst many. you are not guaranteed to go bald and you are able to do testing to see if you are genetically more likely to. also, if you do begin to bald, it is not the end of the world, as there are lots of medications that treat balding and your endocrinologist will be aware of these risks when starting you on testosterone HRT, so you will have advanced access to this type of care

if you don't want to go on T, you don't have to, that is not a requirement for being a trans man or transmasculine person. it is up to you to decide if that's appropriate for you. if you don't go on hormones and decide to socially transition and decide you don't like being seen as a man after all, then you didn't do any harm to anyone or anything, you didn't irreparably change anything, or anything like that. there's no harm in doing a trial run of an identity without hormones if you want to test the waters and see how it feels

if you like the positives of T and are only really concerned about baldness, i would say that it sounds like testosterone could be a good choice for you. i think it's best to weigh the pros and cons and if balding is the only real con you are concerned about, it may be worthwhile to talk to a doctor in your area

it's very normal to have these types of fears and to question yourself, it's healthy to do so, and most people go through a very long questioning period before trying out the identity they feel they are. it works best for some to go by that identity online for some time, then come out to irl friends, then progress from there, dressing how you want to in public, etc. it's up to you to decide, but overall, you sound like you have a very normal trans man experience. it's okay to not want to go on T and to not have dysphoria. that is one of the most common expressions of trans manhood i come across, actually

i hope this helps, take care, good luck in your journey, hope you are able to figure things out and do what's right for you. you deserve the time to figure yourself out above all else

[chantylay]

1) queer people don't demonize anyone who isn't them. That is the attitude we are struggling against

2) that was not how being emo actually worked. There was a correlation between being part of the emo subculture and self harm, but it was not that happy healthy teens got into emo music and suddenly wanted to hurt themselves. Teens who were already predisposed to self-harm found community with each other through the internet and this kind of music. For a lot of people it was the first time they felt like they could actually talk about how they felt without being judged. Because it was the early days of the internet and proper moderation wasn't really happening, sometimes this did lead "it's ok to struggle with wanting to kill yourself. You aren't bad for having thought about it" to becoming "it's ok to kill yourself" within pockets of the community. That was a fucking tragedy. You don't get to co-op that.

3) transition means a lot of things to a lot of different people. Sometimes it's purely social. Changing your name, pronouns, and gender presentation. This is the only kind of transition available to young kids. Tweens and teens can sometimes get puberty blockers which act to temporarily delay puberty. This is a common medication to give people with various medical issues including precocious puberty. It's safe. But waiting lists to see a doctor specializing in this field are long and kids grow up fast, so not everyone who should get blockers can. Next most commitment is hormone therapy and there are age minimums for this one. The first couple months are pretty much entirely reversable. Most people don't see much change until they have been taking hormones for about a year. This is around the time that detransitioners who decided hormone therapy was not for them back out. For people taking estrogen there will have been some breast development. Depending on how much, it might require reduction surgery to get back to passing, if that is what the person wants. For people taking testosterone, there may be enough of a voice change to be need vocal training to speak at a higher pitch again, or there might not. Everything else will revert on its own. 3 years is generally where the most hormone related changes have happened. Surgeries are only ever up for consideration for adults and many trans people don't want them. They are not mutilations, they are medical proceedures performed by professionals after a lot of counselling. Gender affirming surgeries have a much lower reget rate than just about any other form of surgery. Detransitioners almost never get to this stage.

4) statistically, most trans people don't detransition. And of those that do, being treated like dogshit by society is one of the main reasons for doing so. Many retrasition later when they feel safe. Of course there are people who start to transition, then realize it isn't for them. This usually happens pretty early in the process, not decades later. It happens, and those people need love and support like anyone else. But the claim that the media is ignoring them is a little silly. The media loves a good story of someone starting gender affirming care, then backing out and saying that no one should ever do it. The detransitioners they don't talk to are the ones who realize that something can be right for someone else and wrong for them, and just go about their lives.

5) you really don't see more than 1% of people being represented as trans. What are you talking about?

6) "attracted to female genitalia" bitch what? People don't feel attraction based soley on people's genitals. It can be a factor for some people. But most people don't only realize they are attracted to someone after seeing their genitals. If that's your experience, I am truly sorry. That must be hard. For the rest of us, genital isnpections aren't a big part of our dating lives.

7) And if someone was dating a trans woman and realized that the dick was a deal breaker for them personally, that's an unfortunate dating situation that didn't work out. It's only bigottry when you claim that no real monosexual would date trans or start making assumptions about bottom surgery. No one is claiming that the mere act of having preferences is inherently bigottry or that anyone is obligated to date a trans person.

8) the idea that anyone with a y chromozome is inherently bigger and stronger than anyone without, is not anywhere near the hardline rule a lot of people want to think it is. A lot of it is socialization. Dieting during puberty has been known to stunt growth. And girls are more likely to be judged for their eating habits at that age. The ability to reach peak physical condition requires starting young, and boys are more likely to be encouraged to do sports from a younger age. So as things stand, the records for speed and strength are all held by men, but the gap is rapidly closing. And when it comes to your average rando on the street, there isn't that much of a difference really. My mom is 5'2" and used to have the top fitness score at the local YMCA. She outlifted gym bros like it was nothing (she also sings tennor). I (a cis woman) am the same height as my brother (5'11''). I am taller than most men I meet in the wild. The correlation between gender and size is much much looser than you think. Sports should not be gender segregated. Weight class is about the only realistically significant variable.

9) the only context missing was the fact that you would have to be stupid to believe any of that shit.

She ain't even subtle anymore lmao

[melly-mio]

When a baby is born, we look at its 'sex' and depending on what it looks like, we say it's a girl or a boy. In general, babies with XX chromosomes have a girl's sex and its therefore AFAB (Assigned Femal At Birth). Babies with XY chromosomes generally have a boy's sex and are therefore ABAB (Assigned Boy At Birth). I say 'in general' because there are plenty of variations.There existed XY babies with a sex of XX or XX babies with a sex of XY or XX and XY babies with a sex in between. There are also all the genetic variants such as intersex people who can have XXY or XYY or XXXY or XXXXY or just X chromosomes.

Defining the sex of a child is not always as simple as it seems. A transgender person is a person whose sex assigned at birth does not correspond to their perceived identity. It represents between 1 and 3% of the population (rtbf.be) which means that there are about as many trans people in the world as there are redheads, it's quite common after all.

A trans woman is someone who was born with chromosomes and a male sex but deep down she feels that she is a girl. A trans man is someone who was born with female chromosomes and sex but who feels that he is a man. Their discrepancy between their gender identity and their sex assigned at birth can create serious psychological distress. It's a bit like living in the wrong body. Many report feeling imprisoned and this can create real mental distress. (Ici.radio-canada.ca) (fliar.be) (hiffingtonpost.fr)

This is why some people begin a transition to better reflect their true gender identity. There is not 'one way to transition', it is case by case depending on each person's feelings. This may mean changing certain aspects of their personality, their behavior or sometimes their physical appearance to better express who they are, and most of the time, changing their name.

Modern medicine offers plenty of ways for trans people to get as close as possible to their perceived gender.

This can involve feminizing or masculinizing hormones, cosmetic surgery, aesthetic medicine, permanent hair removal, in short, there are plenty of ways. But none are 'mandatory', each trans person decides how they want to transition, with the help of medicine or sometimes without any medical intervention. When it is with the help of medicine, obviously it is very supervised. (Pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nim.gov)

Numerous studies have demonstrated the real benefits of this psychology of this transition for trans people and also the real benefits on their quality of life. But despite everything, these benefits which have been demonstrated, there is a lot of debate. (Lepoint.fr) Many people campaign against the rights of trans people.

The male brain and the female brain are indeed different on several levels. For example, do you know the nucleus of the stria terminalis? It's a small structure in our brain that is different in cis* men and cis* women .

{Cis man-> Man born ABAB feels Man. Cis woman -> Woman born AFAB feel Woman}

In cis men the core of the stria terminalis looks like this:

In cis women, the core of the stria terminalis looks like this:

And in a woman who was born a man but who feels like a woman deep down, the core of the stria terminalis looks like this:

It's different.

You have 2 eyes, you don't need my interpretation, we can all see very well that it's definitely more like what we find in the brain of a cis woman than what we find in the brain of a cis man. The female brain and the male brain are different in morphological terms on several levels. At the level of certain groups of neurons or certain Very specific structure, it's difference is observable in, and in trans men even before the slightest hormonal treatment these structures are masculinized. The brain of trans men resembles the brain of a cis man much more than the brain of a cis woman, from birth, without the slightest medication intervention, despite a girl's sex they were born with certain boy brain structures.

In a trans woman, therefore an individual who would have been born with male attributes but who identifies as a woman, it is still a little bit different. (hbrs.no) ,Because their brains neither resemble that of a cis man nor that of a cis woman. There we have a third type of brain morphology. But still, their transidentity is seen at the cerebral level. (tandfonline.com)

It's not a 'fad', it's not a 'choice' it's not 'In your head', well yes since it's the brain but you understand.

Transidentity is a BIOLOGICAL reality. (journals.plos.org) I would not cite all the studies and all the points that have been observed which demonstrate the medical reality of transidentity. (academic.oup.com) (journals.sagepub.com) There really are too many. There really are a ton of studies on the subject. We are not yet too sure what the exact cause of this difference between the biological sex of an individual and the brain structures that do not correspond to the biological sex of that individual

But according to current knowledge, it would seem that it is mainly linked to certain very specific types of hormones released at very specific times during pregnancy. (europepmc.org) (academic.oup.com)

According to current knowledge, we are born transgender, we do not become transgender. These are people who are born like that, it cannot be decided. Most people who can't stand gender transitions clings tooth and nail to the idea that gender is defined at birth by biological attributes and yes, I agree with them ,They are simply missing the chapter in which science explains that transidentity is also observable biologically, particularly in the brain.

Yes, gender identity is biological. It can't be changed, you can't change the brain of a cis person to make them trans and you can't change the brain of a trans person to make it cis.

The third argument that I saw come up in the debate is that of regret. Anti-trans activists love talking about people who have detransitioned (360.ch) , so people who started a transition before ultimately turning back and returning to their original gender. So yes, that’s an argument that we see everywhere in Anti-trans debates. On the other hand, something that I have never seen in this debate is numbers, concrete data, and yet these numbers exist, they exist very well since it's not just one study that was conducted, but rather 27 independent studies that were combined into a huge meta-analysis (journals.lww.com).

This meta-analysis looked at all the people who de-transitioned. Of 3398 patients who transitioned, only 16 expressed regret or initiated de-transition. Of these 16 people, one of them explained that they regretted but did not want to return to the gender they were born with 2 considered returning to their original gender but did not, 3 actually de-transitioned

And 10 de-transitioned before finally re-transitioning. Out of 3398 patients, only 3 detransitioned for good. It's not even 0.01% and this extreme minority is used to invalidate the other 99.9%. Furthermore, the meta-analysis highlights that the doubts of the majority of these 16 people were mainly linked to social pressure and not to real doubts linked to their gender identity. People who change their minds are a tiny minority and above all what makes them doubt, most of the time, is mainly the pressure from those around them and from society. (liebertpub.com).

Voilà. I just wanted to clarify things a little after what happen to nex benedict.

I hope it's clear enough and sorry if theres mistake and all ,i'm not english <3

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

It's so funny how people will say "nonbinary people and gender-neutral pronouns have existed for centuries!" without also acknowledging that nonbinary identities, more often than not, are the result of people wanting to escape strict gender roles (when they're not a result of transphobia, that is). I've seen people bring up certain pieces of 20th-century radical feminist writing as if that doesn't prove my point. In an egalitarian society, no one would be nonbinary because no one would need to be.

Yes, even Indigenous cultures, which these same people love to bring up, aren't exempt from this either; there's some blatant "more in tune with nature"/noble-savage type racism in the way enbies talk about things like two-spirit, but the reality is that these identities are just as much the result of the culture having extremely strict ideas and rules on what makes someone a man or woman.

The concept of two genders isn't a western Christian invention either; these people are thinking of western gender roles.

A lot of the claims are done with very little research actually done, and often times no actual conversation with people from said culture (if it's still around).

Every single historical example is always some variation of "these people don't fit our standards and will be separated for it." I remember people getting all excited about this one culture (can't remember which one) where as they looked at it, trans women lived in temples and were given special treatment. When in actuality it was just gay men being forced to do drag (sometimes even medically transition) and sold into prostitution after being stripped of all rights.

Two spirits is it's whole thing in itself. It's not a new gender and any talk with someone who's actually grew up within native american culture can tell you that. I often find people who are like "I'm 1/8th Cherokee" but grew up in a suburb are the ones that talk about it like it's a non binary thing and it's very frustrating to see.

There are historical and even current examples of cultures with vastly different gender roles then western societies. But they still had a gender binary. And trying so desperately to force historical evidence doesn't look good. It's not there, and that's ok.

Like I've said before, I don't actually have a problem with nb as a concept. It's how the community has decided to approach it. Conflating gender with gender roles, saying that women who don't wanna be objectified are not women, giving out incorrect historical information, just general transphobia/homophobia, etc etc. It's just... So ridiculous honestly.

[disastergay]

as a philosophy student, it irritates me how I have yet to see a TERF talking point that's grounded in reality and not just speculation or based in willful misunderstanding.

"if trans women aren't just men perpetuating misogynistic stereotypes about women, then why do they try so hard to conform to gender roles?? makeup and feminine clothes don't make you a woman"

maybe because it's safer to be a visibly gender-conforming woman? less than a century ago, there were laws in the U.S. that allowed the police to arrest women who wore "two or more masculine garments/accessories" (vice versa with men). those laws might be gone, but they left a nasty scar on our history.

"we should make it harder/impossible for everyone to transition because young girls are being brainwashed into irreversibly mutilating their bodies"

that... even if this scenario was realistic, that's not a viable solution at all? I agree that kids and teens who are questioning their gender shouldn't be rushed into transitioning, because I don't believe we should equate transness to transitioning. dysphoria is an extremely difficult cross to bear and should never be taken lightly, but anyone who says "the only way to EVER get rid of dysphoria for ALL trans people is through top/bottom surgery and HRT" is just wrong.

and those of y'all who are active proponents of abortion should know damn well that the only result restricting and/or banning gender affirming medical care will achieve is making the transition process more dangerous.

"testosterone can make people behave aggressively, and biological males on average have much more testosterone in their bodies than biological females. therefore, biological males are inherently more aggressive than biological females (and the latter group is not safe for them to be around)"

I love this argument because A) I can break it down into parts (basic premise #1, BP #2, and intermediate conclusion + major conclusion) and B) it overlaps cleanly with the topic of ableism.

so! aggression. it's a fairly fickle thing. depending on your personality and what specifically triggers your aggressive side, you may express aggression in many ways--physically, mentally, and/or emotionally towards other people, through an outlet you use to blow off steam, or maybe you turn all of that aggression inwards and use it to hurt yourself.

even if I was 100% sure that "biological males" are innately more aggressive than "biological females" (let's say due to testosterone for the sake of this context), I wouldn't agree with the main conclusion--that a "biological male" tendency to experience aggression means "biological females" are not safe around them.

why? because aggression does not necessarily beget violence of any kind.

to the vast majority of people, there's a slight difference between 'aggression' and 'aggressive behavior,' otherwise we wouldn't have coined terms (and still use those terms today!) to distinguish them from each other. (for example, if a radfem finds out a woman is trans, and that radfem suddenly feels the urge to punch said woman but doesn't act on it for whatever reason, that radfem is experiencing feelings of aggression BUT not actually exhibiting aggressive behavior.)

and now we've reached the question at the heart of this argument--if aggressive people learn to deal with their aggression in a healthy way, then can't they be safe to be around?

the answer is yes. the answer MUST be yes. because the minute society decides that the answer is no, any hope incarcerated prisoners and mentally ill/disabled people have of being treated like human beings gets squashed flat.

idk, I guess I'm just disappointed that trans exclusionary radical feminists base most of their arguments on pathos with little regard for ethics or logic.

and like. every single time I make a post like this TERFs just wanna call me names, tell me I'm delusional (as if that's new information), or nitpick my phrasing and then pretend they've completely dismantled all of my points. none of them are genuinely interested in learning about what it's like to be trans or WHY we think expanding beyond the western gender binary is more radical than forcing gender abolition on everyone.

TERFs think they already know everything there is to know about us, that there's nothing else left for them to learn from us, and that is their biggest mistake.

[wemlygust]

Yeah, every now and then I try to talk to someone about the obvious extrapolation from how aces understand sexual attraction and romantic attraction and sensual attraction to be different things, so therefore hypothetically someone could be physically attracted to only men or only women but romantically attracted to both, or similarly with various other combinations of possibilities, but people seem to instantly convert that in their head to "being gay is a choice! And also it's bad so don't you dare choose it!" or "it's fine to force gay people to be straight actually!" or "being gay is just a phase!" and so on. And they don't actually listen to what I'm actually saying anymore once they've decided I'm secretly a homophobe. But I literally know a married couple irl composed of 1 lesbian woman and 1 straight man, and they've been together for years and years and seem happy as clams. I want to be able to talk about them, and people like them, without their existence being drowned out by the mere spectre of bad-faith homophobic arguments.

Their relationship is not wrong or problematic just because certain bigots would *love* to force every lesbian to marry a straight man. The bigots opinions don't matter! They shouldn't even be in our heads at all when we're discussing this! They have stupid opinions! They'll find excuses for hate no matter what! We know this! Fwiw, I do see some of this discussion happening in the context of trans people who transition medically and find their orientation changes concurrently/as a result, or in the context of people exploring their sexuality.

But in that latter case, it does usually seem to come with an assumption that the person will stop exploring eventually, or if they discover that they are gay then they must have been gay this whole time by default and couldn't possibly have changed. Also I've definitely seen people say things like, "I'm attracted to women only, but I'd have sex with a man too just for the physical pleasure of it," and get told over and over that means they're actually bi or an oppressed gay. But many (though of course not all) ace people choose to have sex with their loved ones despite feeling no physical attraction to them. They do so of their own free will and may, to varying degrees and for variable reasons depending on the person, enjoy doing this. But that doesn't make them not ace. So, logically, why should a straight man not be able to freely make that same choice to regularly sleep with someone he's not sexually attracted to but does love in other sense? It's the same thing, isn't it? Queer communities have gotta stop oppressing ourselves and each other just because we're afraid of how such-and-such might make us look to, or how it might be described by, bigots who're absolutely gonna bigot no matter what we do or say or be anyway. Although to be fair I think part of the problem here also is that all our sexuality terms, as usually used, lump all the types of attraction together as if they are always neatly aligned. So if you're romantically attracted to men, but sexually attracted to women, there's no easy word for that, right? At least not one that fully describes that and and that most people will recognize and understand without explanation. So most people will probably just pick a word - probably bi or poly, in this case, I guess - to sum it up without having to explain in detail, even if the word is only a rough approximation or the truth at best. It can be hard to even have a thought, let alone share it with others, when you don't have words for it. Even when it's a thought about yourself.

Anyone else think it's kinda strange that genderfluidity has been a pretty well established queer identity for a good while now but we don't have an equally well established concept for orientation fluidity?

[oleanderblume]

So, my sister was over the yesterday and I was telling her about how it was neat that Heartstopper had a Canon, confirmed, positive representation of a Bisexual character cause you don't see that often.

And my fucking mother. Christ..

Goes off on the wildly misinterpreted rant about how it's somehow bad to want actual bisexual actors playing bisexual characters (keep in mind, this was not actually the topic we were on. It was the face value of simply having a bisexual character and she misunderstood the assignment)

So me and my sister are trying to explain to her this misunderstanding, which she is not getting at all. And the way we tried to make it slightly easier is by comparing it to poc preferring poc actors in poc stories and how that can better round out the story, especially in regards to writing.

Apparently she didn't get that either cause she starts going off about this one white guy who did blackface for a year as a "social experiment" in the 60s and then wrote a book about it and how that sOmEhOw means he fully understands what it's like being black.

I'm like. No. That's not how that works. Black folks can't just stop being black after a year. His experience is incredibly limited because he is NOT A BLACK MAN.

so I'm trying to explain this to her, that pretending for a year in no fucking molecule of a way is equivalent to the lived experience of being a black person and to write a book about it like you've suddenly understood the entire social scale of racism is inherently 1. Racist as fuck, and 2. LIMITED BECAUSE TOU ARENT A FUCKING BLACK PERSON.

And she says to me. "Then you shouldn't be allowed to write about trans people because you've only just recently decided to change."

What. The. Fuck.

Like. I know she doesn't respect me, doesn't understand me. And likely never will.

(^^^^ this is why my sister and I were using race as an example because I *didn't* want to bring my identity into it^^^^)

I briefly try to explain to her that just because I've only been in *transition* for a year, does not mean my entire life up to this point has not been the experience and life of a trans person.

Of course, she's not having it because she is incapable of thinking outside of herself and her skewed perception of me. So to her, me being trans is this scary new thing that had no warning whatsoever. (Doesn't help that she is and was actively neglectful and abusive to me throughout my entire childhood)

But BITCH. I fucking asked you at TWELVE if I could get my titties lopped off cause I DID NOT WANT THEM. How is that not a trans experience????

She can't comprehend that I am not the thing she thinks she sees. Because she has no idea who I am as a person and she cannot extend enough empathy to understand that I have had a vastly different personal experience than her.

And the thing that pisses me off so much is that she expects me to lay down and be nice and explain everything while also putting aside how fucking hurtful the things she says are in order to "educate" her.

When she won't even use my fucking name. Unless my sister is over cause she's afraid she won't see her grandson.

I can't say "that was transphobic" without her doing mental gymnastics to find a way to be hurt by me pointing out something she said was fucking rude and bigoted.

I can barely even talk to her about my own ficking life or troubles I deal with without her going "oh it's because you're a woman"

No. I got threatened by a man twice my age because HE KNEW I WAS TRANS. not because I'm afab.

In fact. The entire time I've been a truck driver, a Cis male dominated profession, I have never once been threatened AS A WOMAN. But I damn sure was as a visibly fucking trans person.

But she refuses to acknowledge it. Refuses to understand WHY I'm afraid of the roe v wade shit because I ficking KNOW that my medical information, like my prescriptions and my surgeries will immediately make it clear to ANYONE interested, that I am trans. Regardless of if I pass.

That I exist in a demographic at a significantly higher risk of sexual assault than Cis women.

She cannot comprehend in even the slightest modicum that I deal with constant risk that she will never have to deal with. And that when I talk about it, I shouldn't be ficking obligated to debate my fucking existence WITH MY OWN MOTHER.

Also. Just. To fucking put the icing on the cake, she tried to use the fact that I disengaged and walked out on the conversation to say I just want to live in my own delusions and get pissy when they dont play into them. and expected my sister, the only person who actually accepts me and uses my name and pronouns...to defend HER.

As if my sis and I don't constantly talk shit and bitch about our parents horrific attitudes toward every fucking minority.

Also the fucking excuse of using a WHITE MAN USING BLACKFACE to make her point. Like what the fuck is wrong with you???

In what world is that even remotely close to someone's lived experience???????

FUCK.

Sorry.

[ottitty]

gender is so confusing. i think ? i want to be a boy but i’m not sure. is it okay if i want to be a boy or non binary trans masc and not transition ? like i would want to bind and maybe do a bit of T for voice purposes but i like being feminine and pretty. idk

I totally feel you, anon. Gender is confusing enough, but then theres gender presentation to navigate with the added pressure of society and your surroundings. Its hard enough to be trans, but to really separate yourself from not only the expectations that come with the sex you were assigned at birth, but also the expectations people have for being trans and gender conformity, feels sometimes impossible.

Heres the thing though: your transition is for nobody other than yourself. Transition comes in many levels: the social aspect, the medical aspect, even just in the smaller things of switching up the way you present, and there is no "universal endgoal" or "ultimate transition". Some people do the whole thing, they medically transition, they change their name legally and tell everybody "these are my pronouns". Others might not even tell people about their trans identity, might not seek any transition.

Transitioning is this... soup, and you gotta decide what you wanna put in it, y'know? I know a trans woman who doesn't want the surgeries, but is planning to go on estrogen when she's finally able. I know a man who's currently starting T and is doing all the consults, I know men who've gone on HRT but dont want top surgery or bottom surgery. There's nonbinary people who still love dressing "femininely"/"masculinely" regardless of their pronouns or agab or whatever.

Hell, a transition goal of mine is to be able to wear a skirt comfortably, to do makeup and have a beard. Some might not even change their name, some might bind so they can wear a dress or tuck so they can wear a suit.

Throughout all this, you don't owe anyone shit. You dont owe anyone, cis or trans, any sort of "conformity" to what they expect of you, because I can say two things with 100% certainty; 1) you are never gonna please everyone 2) it is absolutely none of their goddamn business what you do with your body, your gender, your presentation.

So, while you're navigating gender, transition, and all the wonderful things that come with it, make sure you're asking yourself what you want out of this, because that is what matters.

I think a really hard thing about navigating this stuff- for me, at least, and its entirely possible your experience is different- is that it feels really lonely trying to explore this stuff. Especially on tumblr, where there's all this pointless discourse on whether trans people are "deserving" of respect or transition, its really hard to figure out what you want when sometimes it feels like the world is telling you that no, you have to be this, but trust yourself.

Some people, when they delve into this, find that the way they see themselves, the way they identify and their wants out of transition change, and some people's views stay the same. Whatever way you go, remember that other people's opinions and however you may grow and change through this do not dictate the validity of your gender identity or experience.

You will always know yourself better than anyone else, you know what you want, you know who you are and your identity. There is not a person who gets to play "mind reader" and determine they know you better than that.

-

So, basically, tl;dr: thats perfectly valid, transition however the fuck you want, internet discourse trying to gatekeep joy from other people is stupid and doesn't determine who you are.

[pluto-the-demigod]

This is gonna be so long, Imma put a break in.

As a trans guy myself, step number 1 is don't make transness the butt of any jokes. This goes for all physical attributes that a person can have, but it bears reminding.

Write them as you would any cis character. Make them as 2D or 3D as anyone else.

Look up medical explanations of where someone might be after 5 years of taking testosterone. Look at some physical accounts too, since some changes aren't always gonna happen along the same timeline (you may have a change sooner or later than what medical stuff says)

decide how much he wants to transition. Some trans guys never have surgery, sometimes it's the first thing they do. Sometimes they have one surgery but not the other.

At 5 years, doctors appointments for T start to dwindle, so maybe one a year? (When you start out they have you in for labs every 3 months)

If he uses a packer, it will not be solid in day-to-day walking around. Casual packers are squishy, anything solid results is what looks like a permanent boner. HOWEVER, some trans men have Stand-To-Pee packers, which they use in the bathroom.

now, non-medical things. I still have clothes that are more feminine. I still wear a sports bra, as I have not had top surgery. (I don't know your gender so idk how much you know about what women wear.) This character may still have baggy clothes from when he would hide his chest. Curves do not go away with T, so maybe he can still fit women's clothes.

I am not out to some of my family, while others I talk about my transness openly. Being "out" is a spectrum. My friends know which name and pronouns they can use with which people, as this is a thing we have gone over many times. Determine if the protag introduces their brother with masculine pronouns or not (THIS CHOICE IS UP TO THE BROTHER, NOT THE PROTAG. TRANS PEOPLE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN DECIDE WHO THEY ARE OUT TO)

If this character can "pass" as a cis man, then maybe when (if) they come out to people now, they may have to be like "hey, I don't actually have a penis." or "Imma wear a t-shirt because people will look at my chest weird if i swim topless". I also don't know the intended audience, so maybe that will never come up.

DO NOT SAY YOUR CHARACTER SLEEPS IN A BINDER, THOSE ARE FOR BEING AWAKE AND WEARING ONLY 8 HOURS AT MOST

Since this character is the protag's brother, and it's been 5 years, deadnaming (using the name he had before transition) is gonna be pretty uncommon. Do not use the deadname even in the character's head. Don't write anything along the lines of "Yeah so [trans character] used to be my sister and it's kinda weird having a brother now" unless you really want us to hate your protag

I personally get excited at things with the trans flag or lgbt flag on them. Storefronts, houses, pins, shirts, hats, you name it. Feeling included and seeing others that support me is nice.

I tend to make jokes about non-canon gay or trans characters like. If I see a buff woman being nice to a cute girly woman, me and my husband will be like "lol lesbibobs. That's her wife." for the love of god don't do this to actual people.

I point out the weirdest things as being gender. Like if I see nice architecture, or a specific color, or a well-dressed person, I point at them and say "that's so gender."

idk if any of this helps but that's just. what I think. Obviously you don't have to include any of this but I hope it gives an ok idea of how being trans kinda works?

Hey there followers!

Question for anyone here who is trans (particularly trans men, but all inputs welcome!) and might be willing to give me some pointers—

I am currently working on writing a book where one of the major characters (the protagonist’s brother) is a trans guy. It’s not really a major part of the plot, he came out and started his transition a full five years before the start of the story, but I guess I was wondering: are there lesser known pitfalls for me to be careful of while writing this particular character? Are there things you encounter in depictions of trans characters in fiction that rub you the wrong way, bother you, are pet peeves, etc etc? Are there details you see included in fiction with trans characters that make you particularly happy/feel seen/etc? Anything along those lines would be extremely appreciated.

(I do want to be clear—I am very much cis, and this is not a story about being trans, but rather a story that is including trans characters, if that makes sense. I know where my lane is! I would just like him to ring as true as possible to future hypothetical trans readers.)

Anyway! Feel free to reply or reblog or shoot me an ask if you have any insight, or just ignore this completely! All responses are welcome.

[science-side-of-me]

Patients have the right to request same-sex healthcare providers, and especially for female patients with sexual health concerns. Transwomen are not female, they are male. They are not the same sex as female patients.

If a patient requests a female/woman, they are not asking for someone in feminine clothing, or wearing earrings/makeup, or any other gender stereotype. They are asking for someone who shares their female biology. They do this 1) to minimize triggering trauma if they were the victim of sexual abuse by males 2) due to concerns over male healthcare workers violating/assaulting female patients, which is not what most do but it still happens more often than it should so it is an understandable concern, especially if you are vulnerable/disabled/etc 3) to have someone who can relate to their biological experiences, like first-hand understanding of menstruation and vaginal comfort considerations during exams, especially after bad experiences with male doctors. You are being deliberately ignorant of pretend that you don't know why women request female doctors; they don't give a shit about how 'girly' the doctor presents themselves, they just want a woman (ie, an adult female). You shouldn't have to specify "Due to sexual trauma, I want a woman doctor who does not and never has had a penis and instead has a vagina". You know what female patients are asking for when they make the request, you're just being deliberately obtuse.

Males have absolutely no right to determine that they are "female enough" to work with patients who request female healthcare workers, especially when the patients are doing so to avoid triggering trauma. The harsh reality is that most trans-identifying people don't pass, especially males (less than 50% even take hormones, only 15% have surgery, and even those are no guarantee of passing).

Male voices are often triggering (and before you ask, deep female voices still sound different from male voices; there are many features that distinguish male voices from female voices, not just pitch, and humans are exceptionally good at determining someone's sex based on their voice, even if they have an unusually high/low voice and even if they took hormones - it's recognized by almost everyone that voices are the hardest part of passing), which is extremely relevant for pelvic exams as the examiner is usually out of the line of sight for patients and their voice all the patient is taking in. Their distinctively male build is often triggering. Their lack of first-hand understanding of female biological experiences is significant when a patient is looking for that. Transitioning doesn't change any of that. The fact that transwomen have the same patterns of violence/criminality as other males (which has been proven) is unacceptable when patients make this request out of concerns about crime by male healthcare workers.

For males to decide that they are female enough for a patient who requests a female is completely unacceptable. It is completely violating to request a woman and have stereotypically-feminine males tell you that they meet *your own* requirement for a female doctor just because they say so. That betrayal of trust has a hugely significant impact on patient experience with healthcare services, and can deter them from returning. Patient safety and autonomy (which includes women only wanting female carers) is more important that doctor's feelings, always. Any male doctor who feels entitled to examine/touch female patients requesting female-only doctors is breaking one of the first tenants of medical ethics, regardless of the personal feelings or identity they use to defend that attitude.

Another example of an increasingly reoccurring issue with disregarding women’s health and safety in favoring of appeasing TRAs.