#1 liek = 1 pray

[spark1edog]

college starts back up in a week pray 4 my financial aid appeal to be approved

[pixiesnooze]

i pray on all that’s holy that it’s a sequel announcement and let me tell you why

1. uenoyama literally just didn’t get an arc at all !???!?!? we got AN UGETSU ARC BEFORE A RITSUKA ARK !?????? he’s your main character and you just fumbled with his character up until now lmao

2. we barely saw uenoyama and mafuyu as a couple their relationship has been left stagnant then they didn’t speak because uenoyama was working with syh and we saw mafuyus anxieties about it and it was touched upon a bit in the latest a chapter but barely

3. there’s just so many lose ends there’s no way this last coming chapter is going to wrap everything lmao what about given and their desire to debut i’m so lost lol like unless the last chapter is liek 900 pages long idk what’s going on

like idk how they are gonna pull it off lol i mean obvs i hope it’s a good ending but with so many things left up in the air and uncertain it just doesn’t seem like it will be anything but rushed and tied up in a nice little bow like maybe i’m just not creative enough to see the vision but i just don’t see how they are gonna wrap this up in a singular chapter it feels like the story has just reached the climax and then it’s over

[emma-exsanguia]

2 deal w/ bad stims i (years ago) reprogrammed my mind 2 find bad sounds sexy. so liek forks scraping against a plate, squishing styrofoam, nails on a chalkboard etc. thos turn me on moar thn almost anything. i pray 4 the day im close enuf w/ sum 1 tht they actually use thos n bed, coz omg.

[luci-cunt]

My astronomy professor when he sees that despite not needing to I turned in the Show Your Work problem with my signature “Yeah I have no idea what I did wrong plz help” message at the top:

[300iqprower]

I don't know how to explain it—I'm sure someone else made a longer better post about how I feel but....

I really like Patxi. Five Lostbelts in and I still like Patxi. Maybe its the fact that unlike 2,3,4 and possibly 5—they use Patxi (a grown man) as a device to show how horrific the Lostbelts are (or how they've been conditioned to think its normal) the children in the LBs are used as a device to show how bad it is but it feels like they're pandering?

Liek they're using the kids as a way to gain sympathy (multiple dialogue choices and characters mention them being children) and that's all well and dandy but it gets real repetitive when you come across the third kid—Ajai was there but he wasn't at the forefront I'd definitely relate to a man wanting to protect his daughter from getting wiped from existence by excessive praying than the child not understanding why (probably should've worded that better) mostly bc my parent made a lot of sacrifices to make me happy.

Lostbelt 3 didn't even give the kid a name which is something I think is fucked up despite them being a minor character.

I also like Patxi as a person because he's a pos towards cast but slowly warms up to them when they do for him—which is extremely natural given his situation and the fact that we're basically staying in his house for the time being.

I also like his CE because its basically "f*ck you, I'm a Wolfman with a gun!" And it has some utility compared to the CEs you gain from the other LBs (they stopped giving out servants for some reason)

I swear I'm not a furry.

I'M FINALLY READY TO ANSWER THIS. OBVIOUS SPOILERS ARE OBVIOUS UP THROUGH THE END OF ATLANTIS.

POINT 1.

PATXI IS THE SINGLE BEST WRITTEN CHARACTER IN THE SERIES. PERIOD.

Like I know i say that's Goredolf, but i mean that in the sense of Goredolf is the best in terms of ongoing character development. As far as fully written characters go, who have had their big moment, and we've seen it all play out for them? From Solomon to Gilgamesh to Arash to Opehlia to Meltryllis to Jason to Jalter to Orion to Moriarty to Napoleon to Ivan to Salieri to Avicebron to even my beloved Asterios....none of them are as well written as Patxi.

And to explain why, I need to start with why, as you pointed out, the other lostbelt NPCs don't even compare, even when they're also well written.

Let's start with the nameless LB3 kid because I find myself typically playing devil's advocate with that one; I'd argue he's the second best of the lostbelt npcs after Patxi. People are, understandably, quick to think of the kid as throwaway given they're never even named, but I always say who I will refer to as "Kid" being nameless as a representation of what life was like in LB3. In SIN, all life is deemed valueless compared to Qin Shi Huang. They bear the "burden" of being the only "true human" and in the name of that all other humans are seen as meant to live short, productive, content lives of never wanting for anything but never achieving anything. Kid is nameless, but not faceless. Unlike most nameless NPCs, he still has a face and varying expressions. He has a role in the story, accompanying us throughout a lot of it and forming an explicit connection to us, particularly Spartacus. And at the end of the lostbelt, when Qin Shi Huang wanders his dissolving world, who should he meet but Kid, a nameless boy reciting a poem he learned from the emperor's greatest enemy, standing side by side with the "True human", the two brought down to the same level as they both dissolve into nothing. To sum it up, Kid both gives us exposition about the world like the rest of the lostbelt NPCs, but crucially gives us insight into what life is like there. He never had any ambition towards anything until we came along, until Spartacus taught him what it meant to have hopes and dreams, and by the end of the chapter that "nameless nobody" is just as much a person both in the mind of the audience and the context of the world as the "True human" emperor who believed that he was carrying a burden for his people.

Now contrast this with another one I see get treated as a throwaway nobody but I would argue gives us important insight: Timi. Whose name you probably dont even recognize and I sure as hell had to look up. The kid from Lb5.1 who had an almost comically small role and a DEFINITELY (probably unintentionally) comical demise, if only for the looney tunes style "Heel-turn realization followed by atomization". But regardless it establishes what Kid did in the opposite sense. The crux of LB5's obligatory "world destruction guilt trip moral conundrum" thing is that not only is this world devoid of suffering like LB3, but on top of that seems to have the genuinely fulfilling lives that LB3 lacked; these people still have hopes and dreams...But that ends up thoroughly disproven when we realize what those hopes are. We see these established people, a named character and everything, unquestioningly throw their life away for a cultish desire to be so much as noticed by higher beings. In the same way Kid having no name emphasized they are still their own individual, Timi's fully established identity and motivations show us how hollow their "fully realized" existence truly is.

Of course now is the one that's....divisive, to say the least. Or at least that's the case from everything I've seen on Asha. I'm kinda in both camps. On the one hand, they're overly reliant on her being an "innocent child" type character, on the other hand though she's genuinely the most emotionally impactful lostbelt NPC after Patxi IMO, and a fantastic reminder of why no matter how much it may feel like cruelty to kill these worlds, leaving them to continue with their fundamentally warped existence would be an even greater cruelty. That said, her Ajay was underutilized in the name of that "feel bad for the child" schtick and so Asha's writing flip flops between heartfelt/impactful and saccharine/pandering, but that's more a core issue of the scenario's two lead writers than a character-specific issue (just another example of how Lostbelt 4 has everyone's strengths AND everyone's weaknesses from how basically everyone pitched in). At the very least though, she fulfills her role of informing us and getting us attached to the world she inhabits, and providing a new and meaningful perspective when its end comes that reflects why we must keep pushing forward. Yes there's the annoying pitiful child thing, but it's far from just taking the easy way out or skipping on the role that's meant to be filled by the character.

...That'd be Gerda. I really don't think I need to go over why Gerda does not work but I will. Gerda's entire character is "look how cute and innocent I am UwU don't you feel bad about me???" and she tells us nothing intrinsic about the world in which she lives. She's EXACTLY the kind of character I would expect from Sakurai not having any pre-existing material to work off of. Her dialogue is entirely redundant at best, with all her exposition dumps being repeated or told in more detail by Ophelia, NotSkadi, or NotSitonai. In the case of that first one they are flat out told in a far more meaningful way because we actually see Ophelia's traumatized perspective on the whole "Sunday" thing. Then, at the end of it all, Gerda doesn't even really give us insight to what the world fading is like, instead giving the only example thus far of the post-tree scene telling us nothing new and not showing us any consequence to our action, instead simply having it all vanish like a dream with no direct relevance to Gerda herself. Her role is supposed to be showing the naïve and transient life the stragglers of humanity live out under NotSkadi, but the contrast between that perspective and the reality in which they live in is never explored; it's simply stated to be bad as if the reason is self-demonstrating in a way that would not even required Gerda to exist to be conveyed. All of this isn't even getting into her sheer lack of characterization beyond "child." From start to finish Gerda tells us nothing unique about the world in which she lives, and there is no role she has that another character does not fill more effectively.

And it's for all those reasons that Gerda is the exact opposite of Patxi.

Patxi is unique from the rest of the major lostbelt NPCs in multiple ways. He's the only non-human. He's the only non-child. Most importantly, [of the first 5 lostbelts] he's the only one who opposes us at any point. Like you said, whereas the other ones are all children and that makes it feel pandering, Patxi being just some guy eliminates that and makes him feel a lot more real, and that's amplified by once again like you said him being the only one who ever acts antagonistic towards us. A big part of all this ties into why Lostbelt 1 is the perfect execution of a "first lostbelt", how it perfectly sets up the premise and moral dilemma as well as set an incredible standard for what a Lostbelt should even be, and I don't wanna be here for eternity going over all of that so I'm going to hone in on the stuff specific to Patxi. Unlike all of the other Lostbelt NPCs, Patxi is set up and treated as his own character. He's named, has unique portraits, we see his POV frequently, he's fully characterized with his own goals, he plays a major role in the lostbelt's events, and he's given even more focus than most of the mainstays who joined in the same chapter (Goredolf, Chihuahua, etc). None of the other lostbelt NPCs fulfill all those things, heck even if we axe that last and most notable qualifier, Patxi is still unique in that list. Kid has no name and was not present for the latter part of the chapter. Asha had no unique role in the story and existed only to give us a perspective rather than to do something specific. Timi's entire purpose is to be killed off frighteningly quick with no actual role. This isn't to say I think they're all bad - I've outlined why I think all three of them are effective enough characters...but they still very much pale in comparison to Patxi, because Patxi was treated as his own individual who was important to the story. Who is important to the story, because he's the one Ritsuka made a promise to that they still need to keep.

The restate the point of the lostbelt NPCs, they are there to give us insight into the world we're destroying, and conveying that in order for our world to survive, other worlds with people just like us must die. They're there to make the worlds feel alive; Rituska is constantly cautioned against forming attachments because of these reasons, but by their nature Ritsuka inevitably finds people they want to help even if only in the moment. Where this diverges is how most of the lostbelts try to make you care. I say most because one of the many failings of Lostbelt 2 is its inability to make up its mind on this. Lostbelt 3 shows you a stagnant world where people live meaningless but happy lives. Lostbelt 4 emphasizes that it's a world where (supposedly) suffering is systematically erased. Lostbelt 5 is presented as a utopia. Lostbelt 1 is different. There's no unravelling why "this is bad actually." It's shown from the word Go to be a cruel and uncaring world with nothing to live for but another day of survival. There's no attempt to make you care on the grounds on "People seem happy here" and instead a wholehearted commitment to showing you something far more direct: These are people too. The reason you care that people might seem happy in the other lostbelts is that same reason, because they're people too. Rather than just imply that though, or focus on one specific thing wrong with the world, through Patxi we're shown all of it. We're shown what a miserable existence that world is, we're shown why they want to continue living regardless, we're shown how the yaga are people just like us, and we're shown how they came to believe that their life which seems so unbearable to us is still one worth living to them.

"Gerda" could be a thousand other people in fiction There’s only one "Patxi"

[i-drew-a-ferret]

it's a 24 hour time loop, at midnight on jan 18 it loops back to midnight jan 17. usually what happens at the end is just that i sleep but sometimes i stay up till then. if i do that i immediately go unconscious and wake up a few minutes into the previous day

most things are the same post loop. somehow when i try changing my clothes they stay post loop, and things i keep in my pockets also stay, but that's it, everything else resets. i have no idea why this of all things stays the same, but it allows me to keep some objects between loops

the people do feel like they're running a script. or more accurately this feels like a narrative focused video game that i'm constantly replaying where i do have a lot of choices but no matter how many times i make the same choice it's always the same result

u habe 12.5~ hourse ase of theo teme wrintying this.

Since u said that its liek av iegeo game, I'll just ieve all eadveice O cam thing of, so that u don'ta get ustck w/out help.

1. do smoenthing to beradk the script (tryeo to ifncd chieat condes or hiddnet areas, or somehting)

2. if u played andy videogames aletelys, tru 2 acheinve the objectine of them

3. 2 leanr more, say the smae thing 2 someone repeatedly aon the asame day. if thy respoeend hte same way, i's videogame rusl

4. u keep ur inventory betwen resents, I'd laen into ht e videontgme aspenct of it, n pray it's zonly the one lvenl. If thenres an oyther level, I'll projblby hav new dieolhge tomorow.

5. gather asm uch info as u can, 2 try to find the objective. when u geth that, u shouljd be ajle 2 beat the game.

ask me anythend ales u nend to know.

[words-for-holland]

Happier (4) | T.H.

Summary: Y/N & Tom speak to each other for the first time in 3 weeks! Tom is in talks of doing a new movie. Lots of yelling, painful pictures being sent. Harrison and Harry go on a trip. Does Kate finally tell the truth to Y/N?

A/N: Hmmm....seems like Natalie & Matt is everyone’s favorite/hated suspects. More theories lets hear em!!!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Sanctuary

Its a word often used to protect those within a troubling world. For some it’s a church, a home, sometimes a family and friend. For Y/N and Tom, sanctuaray was no where to be found. Three weeks it’s been since the world felt like it collapsed on Y/N and Tom. Three weeks of feeling left in a troubling space that they could not get out of...until now. As soon as they heard each other’s voices on the phone, it gave them a moment of relief, but only for a moment.

“So...how are you?” Tom asks nervously. He wanted to pick his words out carefully in hopes that he wouldn’t upset her.

“Im okay.” Y/N responds quietly as she looks back at her phone. No message yet, maybe she was in the clear and that gave her a small boost of confidence. It was going to be okay. “How about you?” She asks back, not really sure how to carry the conversation. In any case, how does one continue talking to an ex without making it awkward? Let alone how does one talk to someone without the fear of being blackmailed.

“Yeah Im great...really great.” Tom lies and chuckles nervously.

Y/N could tell by the tone of his voice how nervous he was. A habit she always found to be adorable for him. Y/N rolled her eyes with a slight smile before she questions him in a serious tone “Why did you call Tom?”

Tom closes his eyes, letting out a stressed sigh. “I miss you Y/N and I dont care what you say or what you said to me that night, but this wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“I miss you too but things happen beyond our control, Tom. Sometimes it just can’t be helped.” Y/N responds nonchalantely, staring at her phone again. No messages still.

“Thats a load of bullshit and you know it. We were supposed to get through anything. Fuck the rumors fuck everything! This isn’t like you Y/N!” Tom vents out every feeling and thought he had since she left. “You say you miss me but then what are we doing? Why are we continuing to hurt ourselves like this?”

Y/N shakes her head, knowing deep down the reason why but could never say. Not unless she wanted to ruin his dream. She could never. “It’s not that simple.” She croaked.

“We would have found a way to get through it, but you gave up so easily. I know for a fact my Y/N never gave up without a fight.”

Y/N looks again at her phone, and no messages were to be found. Maybe she could tell him, and they wouldnt know, but Y/N knew better. Somewhere out there there was someone always watching her every move. “I cant do this right now. Goodbye Tom.” Y/N hangs up as she continues to cry herself to sleep. So much for sanctuary.

Its the morning after, and as Y/N heads downstairs, she hears soft laughter and conversations echoing through the halls. For a second it almost sounded like Tom’s, and she hurried toward the room only to be disappointed. In the living room was Matt and Kate as they made small talk awaiting for Y/N’s arrival.

“Y/N! You’re awake!” Kate exclaims as she gets up from the seat to give her a hug. “Look who decided to drop by!”

Matt looked up at Y/N and gives her a shy smile and wave. He’s dressed in his navy blue LBI shirt and cream colored shorts. It was typical high school Matt...nothing had changed with him.

“Yes I see that....I’m sorry did we have plans and I forgot?” Y/N asked confused.

“No actually uh I invited him over because I knew you wanted to catch up with him after last week..so I pulled some strings.” Kate whispers.

“You..what?” Y/N asked annoyed, her eyes glaring and her brows furrowed. If there was one thing Y/N hated it was blind dates. She had stressed that over and over throughout the years that she hated it, especially with people she used to have romantic feelings for. The keyword..USED.

“Cmon Y/N. Remember this was the time for you to move on and forget. Plus you wouldn’t want to send him away after he came here just to see you!” Kate tries her best to sell it, she had to...there’s wasnt really a choice.

Y/N looked back at Matt and groaned silently to her best friend. “Fine I’ll go, but this is the last blind date you’re ever setting me up on AND you’re doing the dishes.” She emphasized as she got ready and grabbed her purse.

To say Y/N was surprised was an understatment. For sure, she had a feeling this was going to be awkward in so many ways like any other first dates, but this...wasn’t too bad. Though she realized it wasn’t a date this was just two old friends catching up from the past.

She learned a lot about him and how his younger brother Steven was working on becoming an engineer and how his little sister Emily was also grown up and working towards becoming a physical therapist. As for Matt, he was working in the city too as an accountant for a finance firm. While they continued to eat their lunch at Chelsea’s Market, she couldn’t help but make the comparisons.

Matt didn’t dress up like Tom, didnt make her laugh like Tom does, didnt make her blush the way Tom does, didnt smile like Tom, and when he touched her hand...she didnt feel the goosebumps the way Tom would. It was clear. He wasn’t Tom and could never be Tom.

The date came to a close, but Y/N hadn’t really gathered much from it since she was so focused on Tom. Every word Matt had said to her barely made it through. She’d be lying if she didnt say the date was okay but she’d be lying even more if she had said she’d enjoy it.

She looked into his blue eyes as he looked into hers. Matt tried to lean forward to give her a kiss, but Y/N moved away. She couldnt. Not when Tom was still present in her thoughts and her mind. “Im sorry...I just got out of a serious relationship and well —” Y/N whispers feeling guilt in her heart.

“No no. It’s fine really. Maybe I was too forward with this and I had no idea....I’m sorry.” Matt laughs, feeling heavily disappointed. “I’ll uhh I’ll see you around?” Y/N nods as she waves him goodbye.

The next day, Tom wakes up in his bed still praying that this whole phase was just a nightmare he’s still having trouble waking up from. Today was not that day. He got up and dressed appropiately knowing that today would be a meeting for his upcoming project. He had forgotten all about it especially with everything going on. When he arrived and entered the room with Harrison, Natalie also appeared sitting in one of the chairs with a smile and coffee on hand.

“Jesus you’re like everywhere now.” Harrison speaks out taking the seat across from her, while Tom takes the seat next to Harrison.

“Well I mean I do live with you guys temporarily until my flat gets fixed, and I did get cast in the same movie as Tom.” She laughs pointing out the obvious.

Tom looked up, his eye wide open and brows raised. He completely forgot the fact that she was going to be playing his love interest for the film. He tried to recall if he had told Y/N about it before and if maybe that’s why she was also mad. Maybe if he told her now, that would make her feel better? Tom was lost in his thoughts he didnt hear the other publicists in the room calling out to him. “Tom are you listening?”

Harrison quickly hits his best friend to wake him up from his thoughts. “Huh? Uh..no sorry.” Tom confesses, looking down at the table.

The publicists, both roll their eyes in annoyance. “We’re telling you that you need to do a lot of PR for this movie in order to boost the sales, and recoginition for both you and Natalie. This means..you’re going to have to pretend you’re in a relationship for some time.”

Tom and Harrison are now fully attentive and furious. “What?! Im not doing PR for this. That is low for the both of us. We shouldnt have to fake a relationship to get our work across” Tom yells out fury burning in his brown eyes.

“I know Tom, but no one watches it for the films nowadays it’s about the image, and right now we’re trying to help both of yours and Natalie’s. You’ve been looking liek a depressed bloke this past month and Natalie is trying to get some exposure in the business.” The publicists expalin. “Harrison, help us out here.”

“Look mate, Im just his assistant. It’s up to Tom if he wants to do this or not.” Harrison speaks out as he points to his best friend. He faces Tom and whispers, “You don’t have to do this mate, there are other projects out there.”

Tom nods, as he looks at the room of people. He closes his eyes, but all he could see was Y/N. Deep down, Tom knew he couldnt do this to her. “I..I don’t think I can do this.”

Natalie and the publicists’ eyes shot up in fear, unhappy with the response given. They knew there was only one thing they could do now. “Ah I understand. It’s because of a girl isn’t?” Natalie’s publicist speaks out. Tom looks at her and then down at the table, as he slowly nods his head. “Yes well Natalie’s told me all about her. Seems like a bright girl, but believe Tom she doesn’t love you as much as you thought she did.”

Tom’s eyes dart towards the publicist as his eyes continue to stare down in anger. He was angry, pissed off that they could ever make that assumption. “Fuck you! You don’t know anything!” His tone set in anger.

“Oh..but we do. See you think Y/N is remaining as faithful as you after a breakup, but why is she already out with another guy.” The publicist continues. She hands her phone to Tom as he swipes through the pictures of Y/N and Matt’s date. He saw Y/N smile at Matt, laugh with him, and touch his shoulder. Yet, the one picture that broke him the most was the one where Matt almost kissed Y/N. While Tom didn’t know the backstory, he could very well imagine how it went. Everything in him shattered, and his eyes started to well up.

“Mate..there’s gotta be an explanation for all of this. Y/N wouldn’t move on from you that quickly. You know her..she wouldn’t. This is all rubbish.” Harrison tried to reason to his heartbroken best friend. For once, he couldn’t rule out Natalie. She didn’t blackmail Y/N, someone else did.

“Fine. I’ll do it.” Tom grumbles as he gets up and walks away.

The world was quiet for the next two days, and it almost seemed like a break from all of it. Back in the New York, Y/N was minding her own business in the apartment with Kate, when she got a text message.

Unknown

Answer the next phone call. ❤️

Y/N’s phone rings and it’s Tom. Her hands are shaking, afraid of what was going to happen. “Y/N.” Tom says shortly, tone filled with disappointment.

“Tom” Y/N replies, her voice shaking.

This wasn’t sanctuary anymore. This was hell.

“Tell me it’s not true.” Tom speaks out, needing to hear the truth. “Did you go out with another guy?”

Y/N hesistated for a moment, unsure of what to say. She could either lie or tell the truth but it didnt matter at this point she was fucked either way. “Yes.” She breathes out. “But — ”

“It’s not what I think? Right?” His tone getting louder. “So it’s okay for you to judge me with Natalie, but not okay for me to judge you with some bloke you’re with?”

“Matt is my friend and I had no choice in that matter!” Y/N yells out, unhappy with how Tom was confronting her.

“Did he threaten you?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment, not him but someone was threatening her. “No.”

“Then you did have a choice.”

As soon as Y/N was going to speak, she got a new message. This time it was a picture from Unknown. One of Tom and Natalie getting cozy as they walked out of a building. Natalie was smiling and Tom had his arms wrapped around her shoulder. “Yeah, guess you made yours too with Natalie.”

Tom was in shock, did she know about the him and Natalie. “Y/N it’s not what you —”

“What? What I think? Yeah that makes two of us, but you want to make assumptions? Fine. You look like you already moved on yourself, but moving on with a girl you know I can’t stand...that’s an all time low for you.” Y/N hangs up and throws her phone across the room. Kate quickly comes to comfort her best friend.

“He...he moved on.” She sobbed quietly in Kate’s arms.

“I know...it’s going to be okay.” Kate whispers. Tears started to also fall on Kate’s eyes as she saw how much pain her best friend was in. She looked at her phone and quickly deleted the pictures she had taken of Y/N and Matt. “Im so sorry. I..have to tell you something.”

Y/N had fallen fast asleep, exhausted from crying. Just when Kate was ready to tell the truth...the door rang.

“Kate!” Harrison and Harry said spoke out in relief as they hugged her.

“Hey..what are you guys doing here?” She asked surprised but also relieved.

Harrison and Harry looked at each. “We want to help find out the truth.”

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl​ @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts​ @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave​ @ifntelyinspirit​ @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco

[spark1edog]

ugh this next few weeks of cutting down on nicotine is gonna be rough for everyone i’m sure

[kawaiijellymonster]

Asks: 1, 8, 24, and 29 cuz i'm nosy lol

Have I ever wished on a shooting star?: Yes! Every time I see one, I know it probably doesn't do anything but usually, I see them when I'm super depressed or lonely so during those times it feels good to pray to something even if it doesn't mean anything (does that make sense?)

Do I take care of any plants?: Yes! I currently have 28 plants (not all in different planters there's like 7 in one big succulent planter) and I am getting a new Aloe plant tomorrow. I'm starting to name some of them so I have: Sappho and Midnight which are two English Ivy's, this one really tall floppy one I call Icarus, and a hobbit jade named Nemo

If you could travel to any point in time where would you go?: MMm I have anxiety so I would probably wanna travel back to right before i made a stupid mistake that haunts me to this day but I have billions of those and honestly the past hasn't been kind to women until like the last century but I'd probably wanna go to like 16-1800's England ish Europe purely for the aesthetic and the dresses bc i like dresses.

Childhood male crush? Female crush? Mkay so here we enter internalized homophobia and normalcy ig so idk if it means like celebrity crush or actual crush but in 3rd grade there was these two boys and we like were complete shits and i was a total tom boy and so Me, Gavin, and Avery drove our teacher batshit together. We legit created this thing called "the pencil lead war" where we had those plastic pencil cases just full of broken pencil leads and it was violent (children snapping pencils for lead) and the teacher threw them all out over spring break. Which is complete nonsense and not what you asked, but the point is that we were bro's and when 4th grade came around and both of them moved I was devastated and everyone was like "oh poor christi her crush is gone this year" and I was liek "oh poor christi My crush is gone this year and now I'm alone" which was A Mess TM and I still think about them but also I think it was mostly like my first year actually attending school (i was homeschooled) and I really wanted to have a crush on someone so I bonded to the two closest homies that fit the description. bc I'm gay as hell and didn't know it bc I was raised strictly christian and without the internet.

Which brings me to the second part: now the girls at my school sucked and bullied me so I hated them and still do even after graduating. But I was obsessed with Raven from the original Teen Titans, all of the girls from H2o just add water (both versions bc I am mermaid biased), all the girls from totally spies (bc they badass), and both Kim Possible and Shego from Kim Possible. bc I'm gay and they all so pretty and badass and neat <3

[everykindofnerd13]

Haikyuu Characters feeling like they’ve failed as bestfriends/boyfriends and they’re being replaced.

Vol. 1 KAGEHINA

Kageyama had never been particularly insecure about most things, but after the incident in middle school, he couldn’t help but be scared of what people might do.

So when Hinata came waltzing into his life as this bright ball of sunshine that never fails to brighten his day he didn’t know what to do with all of the emotions that sprang to life in his chest. He decided quickly that the only option was to hold on for as long as it stayed.

And Hinata, the amazing ball of sunshine that he was, didn’t look like he wanted to leave. He was always convincing Kageyama to join him on his endeavors, and was always turning to Tobio when he wanted a good toss. It was surreal to have someone so incredible seem to want him so much, so Kageyama did exactly what he said he’d do, he held on with all of his might, and even when he argued with Hinata, he tried to minimize it, so Hinata wouldn’t leave liek so many others had.

Over time, Kageyama gained other people, his team, clearly, Yachi, even some of the guys from the All-Japan Training Camp seemed to like him, but it didn’t mean nearly as much to him as Hinata did. The redhead had been the start of it all after all.

It didn’t take Kageyama long after realizing he needed Hinata in his life, for him to realize he also needed Hinata as more than a friend, and maybe more than a boyfriend, but baby steps were most important.

So, Kageyama had confessed, one day on their daily walk home, while bickering with Hinata, and it had shocked not only Hinata, but himself, he hadn’t expected to say something like that so easily. Hinata had looked shocked, for so long he was quiet, and just before Kageyama was about to go back home and lock himself in his room for the next two years, Hinata had grabbed the neckline of his jacket and rugged him down to kiss him square on the lips.

Kageyama had tensed for a moment before letting himself relax and moving his hands to Hinata’s waist. The next morning, they announced to the team that they were dating and that’s as the end of it.

They’d been happily dating for months now, and Kageyama was feeling, for lack of a better word, insecure. He felt like he couldn’t give Hinata what he deserved anymore, or that he had stopped giving Hinata what he deserved a while ago.

Sadly, the events of the pst few weeks had only added insult to injury. Kageyama had felt like shit anyway, now, Hinata stayed up late on the phone with Kenma, always from the other side of the bed and in a hushed voice, but he was right next to Kageyama, he could hear him. So now, Kageyama looked like shit. There were intense purply eye bags under his now dill grayish eyes, he always just prayed Hinata didn’t look too closely. He was waiting to be dropped anyway, he didn’t deserve Hinata.

Then, today, Kageyama had been planning to go out with Hinata. They’d decided they would days in advance, but Bokuto and Akaashi has come down to visit, just prancing into Hinata’s home where he and Kageyama had been eating breakfast, and invited Shoyo out with them. Hinata offered for Kageyama to come too, but if Kageyama wanted to hide his tears, he’d have to go, now. After saying goodbye to Hinata, and missing his usual goodbye kiss for the tenth time that week, he had rushed down the street, letting his mind and feet carry him wherever they wanted. In the meantime, Kageyama was crying. He knew he was, and how pathetic was that? To cry over something so pitiful as a boyfriend you don’t deserve.

Before he knew it, Kageyama was standing outside an apartment he didn’t care to try and recognize right then, he just knocked. When the door opened, he finally realized where he was. Iwaizumi was standing at the door in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and Oikawa was behind in some shorts and what looked like Iwaizumi’s hoodie.

“Kageyama?” Iwaizumi has asked, looking concerned ag his former Kohai, who was shaking and looking at the ground. At the name Oikawa stood up, concerned.

“Tobio-Chan?” He asked as he looked over Iwaizumi’s shoulder. Kageyama’s body shook with a sob as he choked out only two words.

“Help me,” he’d sobbed before letting himself fall forward into Iwaizumi. Oikawa was shocked. Kageyama was always so composed, and he’d been so bright since getting together with Hinata, so seeing him like this was a total surprise. Iwaizumi’s was shocked too, but he’d acted quickly, pulling Kageyama to the couch. He sat the first year down there and began to pull off Kageyama’s abnormally clean shoes and then looked up at Oikawa who was standing helplessly behind the couch.

“Call Suga and Daichi,” Iwaizumi instructed him and Oikawa reaches for his phone, “And Hinata,” he added and Kageyama shook his head so aggressively they were both afraid it might fall off his shoulders.

“Don’t- don’t call him, he’ll be guilty and I can’t see him again today, maybe this week, I dunno, I can’t right now please, please don’t call him,” Kageyama had begged breathlessly, struggling to pull in breath around his words.

He pulled his socked feet onto the sofa, knees against his chest and eyes screwed shut. Oikawa looked concerned at Iwaizumi and the shorter man leaned over Tobio to kiss his boyfriend’s forehead. Oikawa let his eyes flutter shut for a second before nodding dutifully and rushing off to their bedroom. Iwaizumi, in the mean time grabbed a blanket from the hall closet and threw it over Kageyama’s shoulders, pressing play in the radio, playing the same soft music he used to calm Tooru.

“Tobio, I need you to tell me what’s happening, otherwise I can’t help you,” Kageyama let out another heart wrenching sob and Hajime couldn’t help but surge forward to hug the boy.

“I’m not good enough, I know I’m not, I just hoped it would take longer for him to realize too...” Iwaizumi tightened his grip. Had Hinata said something to Kageyama? But that didn’t seem very in character for the tiny middle blocker.

“What happened Tobio?” Iwaizumi asked again as Oikawa came quietly out of their room, sitting down on the other side of Kageyama and rubbing his back soothingly, leaning his cheek against Kageyama’s shoulder. Kageyama couldn’t help but cry harder.

“It’s- it’s stupid, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I came here, I didn’t mean to intrude,” Kageyama began trying to stand but he was pulled back down by both Oikawa and Iwaizumi who looked pointedly at him.

“I haven’t seen you like this in a long time Tobio, if it’s enough to make you feel this bad then it’s enough for us to try to help with,” Oikawa assured him one hand on his cheek, rubbing circles in his cheekbone. Kageyama screwed up his face and rubbed at his face again, trying to wipe tears that were quickly replaced.

“I don’t know what to do, it feels like Shoyo doesn’t want me anymore, he doesn’t spend time with me anymore, and I’m sure it’s because he’s gotten tired of me, we even made plans today but Bokuto and Akaashi showed up and he cancelled and I don’t know what to do cause I can’t tell if I’m being ridiculous or if he genuinely doesn’t want me anymore and he just doesn’t know how to get rid of me. We don’t practice together every day like we used to, and if we do he rarely comes back home with me or invites me over to his. And I can’t tell if I’m overexaggerating or not!” Kageyama was rambling, talking so quickly with such pain in his words it was beginning to stress Oikawa out too. He rubbed soothing circles in Kageyama’s back and looked helplessly at Iwaizumi, who looked just as stressed.

“Tobio, you need to talk to Shoyo about this,” Iwaizumi tried to reason but Kageyama shook his head.

“No, if I tell him then he’ll feel bad, and if he genuinely doesn’t want to be with me, he’ll surely make himself suffer, if I pretend I’m okay for just a little longer he’ll figure himself out and break it off, I need to hang on for just a little longer,” he was shaking as he explained his plan to his former senpais.

“No, Tobio, really, if you don’t talk to Hinata about this, it’s only going to get worse, you’re only going to feel worse,” Oikawa pushes, and Kageyama shook his head again, crying harder.

“If I don’t hold on, he’ll walk away like everyone else, I can’t lose someone else!” He felt more tears streaming down his face and Oikawa and Iwaizumi pulled them selves forward with the arms wrapped around him. They let him cry, not daring to speak, and a couple minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

“It’s unlocked!” Oikawa called and the door practically slammed open as the person outside entered urgently. It was Suga, no surprise.

He looked around frantically before rushing over to the couch upon seeing his distressed underclassmen, his baby crow. He knelt down in front of Kageyama, cupping his cheeks in both hands and forcing the blue eyed setter to look at him.

“Hi baby,” he whispered in his mom voice and Kageyama tried to hold back his tears in the presence of his senpais. Daichi had entered behind Suga and was now standing behind his boyfriend looking incredibly concerned.

“Hey Suga...” Kageyama mutttered in a broken voice and Suga felt his heart break with it.

“What’s wrong honey?” He asked in his soft mama bird voice. Kageyama hiccuped and looked away from Suga, afraid of what he would say. Kageyama’s voice was nothing but a croak. So now, he not only felt like shit and looked like shit, he sounded like shit.

“I’m not enough anymore...” he mumbled and Suga pinched his ears.

“Don’t day that,” he scolded and Kageyama shook his head more, more tears falling.

“Kageyama what happened?” Suga asked and Kageyama was the one to surge forward this time, burying his face in Suga’s neck. He began to sob again and Suga immediately felt his anxiety spike. Daichi looked concerned at Iwaizumi and Oikawa, who only sent him an equally concerned look. Iwa scooted closer to Oikawa, pulling his bestfriend into his side and rubbing his side as Oikawa racked his brain trying to find a solution for Tobio.

Kageyama was still sobbing into Suga’s chest a few minutes together, and after a lot of consideration, Oikawa stood up, pulling Iwaizumi with him and went into the bedroom. He pulled out his phone and opened his contacts.

“I’m calling Chibi-Chan,” Oikawa stated simply and Iwaizumi reached out for his arm from where he was sitting next to him.

“No you’re not, Tobio told us not to,” he tried to argue but Oikawa pushed his arms away then pinned them to his sides, shoving Iwaizumi onto the bed, he straddled his waist and pinned Iwa’s hands to his sides with his thighs.

“Yes I am. Tobio is in there sobbing, and he has been for thirty minutes now, and Hinata’s out thinking that everything’s fine while his boyfriend is here, feeling like he’s going to be replaced. So screw you Iwa, I’m calling Chibi-Chan,” Oikawa looked defiantly down at Iwaizumi, who tried to keep his own defiant expression on but Oikawa has a point so he conceded, going limp under his boyfriend. Said setter grinned triumphantly before turning his face serious again, pressing on Hinata’s contact.

It rang three times before Hinata was picking up, “Hey Great King!” Hinata exclaimed and as much as Oikawa wanted to smile he kept up his serious act.

“Hinata,” he greeted stoically, and he could practically see the tiny redhead stop in his tracks.

“Yes Oikawa?” He asked and Oikawa heard Akaashi in the background, hushing Bokuto. It sounded loud where they were, probably the promenade.

“Hinata I need you to meet me at your house in twenty minutes, there’s something really serious happening and you’ve been blind to it, so be there okay?” He could hear the rustle of Hinata nodding frantically,

“Okay Oikawa! Akaashi, Bokuto take me back home!” He cried and then hung up, Oikawa nodded satisfied then looked down at Iwaizumi.

“C’mon Iwa, we’re going on a field trip,” he exclaimed cheerily, climbing off of Iwaizumi’s hips, he held out a hand to his boyfriend and Iwaizumi huffed before letting Oikawa pull him up.

“Whatever Shittykawa, give me a kiss,” Iwaizumi complained, putting his hands on Oikawa’s hips and pulling him forward for a kiss. Oikawa giggled into the innocent peck then quickly pulled away.

“You can’t distract me honey, we’re going to Hinata’s house to help sort this,” Iwaizumi huffed and nipped at Oikawa’s chin but nodded, spinning Oikawa around and squeezing his hip as he pushed him toward the door. Oikawa sent him a dangerous glare and rolled his eyes before opening the door, Iwaizumi had to stifle a smirk.

“Alright, c’mon Tobio, you’re going with Suga and Daichi to where ever, Iwa and I have some business to attend to,” Oikawa said, walking over and pulling Tobio onto his feet. He looked fondly at his former Kohai and then kissed his forehead. “Don’t hurt yourself okay? Your welcome back later but we have to do something,” Kageyama nodded, eyes bloodshot and cheeks puffy. Oikawa sent him a sympathetic smile then turned to Suga.

“Come with me for a second,” he muttered and pulled the Karasuno mom into the kitchen, pulling him closer to whisper into his ear.

“I don’t know if he told you anything, but he told us, and he’s really emotionally drained so don’t push him, anyway, Iwa and I are gonna try and fix this, I just need you to bring him to Hinata’s house in a couple hours. Text me when you start going that way,” Suga looked extremely concerned but nodded dutifully before turning back to the setter’s boyfriends.

“Alright, Tobio, you ready?” Kageyama sniffed and rolled his eyes at Suga’s words but nodded. Daichi nodded too and both the bigger boyfriends patted him on the back at the same time. Suga and Daichi headed out and Oikawa rushes to find his shoes.

“C’mon Iwa, we have fifteen minutes!” He exclaims and Iwaizumi sighs, reaching for his black high tops and setting them on the coffee table before catching Oikawa’s arm as he tried to shove on his shoes.

“Unless you wanna walk out like that,” he pointed to Oikawa’s outfit, “You better change quickly,” Oikawa looked Dow and groaned, rushing into their bedroom and tugging on a pair of skinny jeans then rushed back outside and glared at Iwaizumi who was standing smugly by the door. He rolled his eyes then tugged on his shoes as well and dragged Iwaizumi down the stairs to the car and they were on their way.

When they reached Hinata’s house they could see Bokuto and Akaashi’s car sitting in the driveway and Oikawa had to swallow down his resentful glare. They hadn’t done anything wrong as far as they knew but Tobio was hurting and they’d torn Hinata away!

He was out of the car before the engine was even shut off, rushing toward the door. Iwa caught up with him as he knocked.

Hinata was there in an instant.

“What’s going on Oikawa?” He looked at Iwaizumi, “Iwaizumi?” Oikawa places his hands on Hinata’s shoulders and pushed him into the house, gently but nonetheless.

“Alright Hinata, get ready I am genuinely serious about this and when you find out what happened you have to promise to never let it happen again.” Hinata nodded frantically and Oikawa nodded in approval. He stepped past Shouyo into the kitchen where he found Akaashi and Bokuto sitting at the island.

“You two sticking around for this?” He asked and Bokuto shrugged while Akaashi nodded wearily.

“Alright whatever,” Oikawa looked at his boyfriend as he sat on one of the stools at the island, across from Bokuto and Akaashi, “You, come be my emotional support human,” he ordered and Iwaizumi huffed and stalked over to the stool next to Oikawa’s.

“You’re not the one who needs emotional support right now,” Iwa argued and Oikawa glared at him.

“Of course I do, if this doesn’t work the way I want it to, I’m gonna cry and I’ll have to be the one to tell him!” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes while Hinata jumped up to sit on the island.

“Guys! Tell me what’s going on!” He exclaimed and Oikawa was suddenly back to his senses.

“Yes, yes of course,” Oikawa looked at Shoyo very seriously again.

“Tobio showed up at our apartment about an hour ago, sobbing his eyes out and asking us to help him,” Hinata’s eyes widened in terror at the mention of his boyfriend. Oikawa noticed Akaashi tense at his statement and immediately knew that Akaashi knew they were intruding but decided to go through with it anyway, no doubt to please Bokuto.

“When we asked what was wrong he told us that he felt like he wasn’t enough for you anymore, and that you were distancing yourself from him,” Hinata looked to be on the verge of tears as Oikawa spoke.

“And no matter what we told him he refused to listen to us, insisting that if you felt that way you were completely right and he’s just been waiting for you to break up with him to put yourself out of your misery,” The tears in Hinata’s eyes began to dribble over and Bokuto rushed forward to grab him and probably argue with Oikawa but Iwaizumi caught his arm and gave him a warning look. Akaashi grabbed Bokuto’s arm to stop him front doing anything drastic, and when his boyfriend looked over, he gave him a pointed look that had Bokuto backing away.

“But I love him! He’s amazing and perfect and incredible!” Hinata exclaimed and Oikawa felt his heart wrench at the shake in Hinata’s voice, “He makes me feel ‘Fwah!’ and ‘Pwah!’ and ‘Whoosh!’ I love him!” Hinata cried and Oikawa nodded, reaching out to touch Hinata’s leg.

“I believe you Shoyo, but think about it, have you been spending much time with Tobio lately, have you kissed him, hugged him, really truly showed that you love him?” Hinata’s eyes watered and he began to shake with the intensity of his emotions.

“I made him feel so bad...” he muttered and Oikawa could do nothing but nod.

“He said that you two were supposed to go out today, but instead you went with these two,” Oikawa gestured to Bokuto and Akaashi, and before Bokuto could rush forward and complain again Akaashi was pinching his arm and glaring at him.

“Yeah...” Hinata mumbled and Oikawa looked at him sadly.

“Shoyo, When was the last time you went out with Tobio?” Hinata looked up at him.

“Yesterday evening! We went out and got meat buns with the team!” He decided and Oikawa shook his head.

“Hinata, when was the last time you two went out together alone, as a date,” He could see Hinata’s face screwing your in sadness as he tried to remember. The redhead obviously felt awful about it, but the fact that Hinata had to think so hard was sorta heartbreaking on Oikawa’s part. His poor baby Tobio has been so hurt.

“Hinata, if you really can’t think of the last time you two went on a date, maybe there’s a good reason for Tobio to feel this way...” Hinata looked at Oikawa hurt ag his statement and shook his head furiously.

“No! But I love him really! I really do love him!” He was sobbing, sobbing into his hands and wiping at his face so aggressively it hurt Oikawa’s heart to watch another of the baby crows cry so harshly twice in a day.

Oikawa caught one of his hands, “Then show him that,” he scolded, “Make sure he knows that you still want him, cuddle him while you’re in bed at night, kiss him when you two depart, kiss him when you meet up, he’s hurting Hinata, and it’s not completely your fault but you have to understand, everyone left him behind before, he doesn’t want to be left behind again,” Hinata nodded tearfully and Oikawa smiled sadly at the younger boy. He pulled Hinata into a bone crushing hug.

“I need to fix this...” Hinata whispered and Oikawa nodded solemnly.

“When Yobio showed up we called Suga and Daichi, he’s with them right now, they should be here in a while, you should get something ready for him, but,” Oikawa turned to look at the other couple on the other side of the counter, “We should probably get out of here before they arrive,” Akaashi nodded in understanding but Bokuto pouted slightly. He didn’t argue though, instead wrapping his arms around Akaashi and whispering something in his ear. Akaashi chuckled and nodded, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.

“C’mon boys, y’all go, I’m gonna talk with Chibi-Chan just a little longer,” Bokuto, Akaashi, and Iwaizumi all stood up and left the kitchen while Oikawa stood up and pulled Hinata down into a bone crushing hug.

“You love him, and you know you do, this should end good, tell him that you love him, and tell him what you love about him, when he gets here, hug him, he’ll have a wall up around him, you’ll need to break it down. He’ll try to seem like he isn’t hurt, but you need to let him know that you know so that he’ll listen. And most of all Chibi-Chan, I don’t want to see him show up ag my door like that because of you ever again, if he does, I’ll never forgive you, got it?” Hinata nodded dutifully after Oikawa’s word vomit then hugged him again.

“Thank you for telling me, I bet he told you not to,” he whispered and Oikawa nodded while he petting his hair.

“He did, but you deserved to know, and he deserves to feel better, so make it happen,” Oikawa commanded then ruffled Hinata’s hair and walked out the front door with Iwaizumi. Bokuto and Akaashi has already left.

Hinata began rushing around the house, grabbing pillows and blankets and putting them on his bed, anticipating AMCAP (As Much Cuddling As Possible). Then he changed into a pair of black leggings and one of Kageyama’s sweatshirts, an orange one to be exact and a pair of white socks, then he ran downstairs to check for any easy food he could make. He was so lucky his mom and sister were out for the day, god this would have been so embarrassing, for them to know, for Natsu to know that he had done so badly at being a boyfriend.

He was heating up some water for ramen noodles when he heard a car in the driveway. Then there was a knock on the door. He opened the door to Kageyama, and almost kicked himself when he didn’t flinch at the bags under Kageyama’s eyes. They had been there for weeks, he had caused them. He immediately tackled Kageyama with a hug. His shocked boyfriend caught him quickly, holding him close as Hinata began to cry into his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry!” He exclaimed and Kageyama only felt his shock increase.

“C’mon, c’mon inside, I need to do so much and apologize and love you and tell you how much I love you and show you how much I love you and just remind you that you’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me and I need you to know!” Hinata exclaimed letting go of Kageyama and tugging him inside. He dragged his boyfriend into the living room and shoved him down on the couch, quickly climbing into his lap and hugging him so tightly his muscles were tensed.

“I love you, so much, please don’t feel like I don’t,” Hinata whispered while he leaned their foreheads together, “You’re so important to me...” Kageyama felt himself begin to shake with the overflow of emotions.

“Please don’t say that just because Oikawa told you to...” He muttered brokenly and Hinata’s breath hitched. He pulled away and put his hands on Kageyama’s cheeks.

“Just because-,” He was shocked, not only that Kageyama apparently thought so lowly of himself, but that he also apparently thought so lowly of Hinata.

“Don’t say that, god please don’t say that,” he said, his voice becoming quieter and quieter with every word as he tried not to sob. He moved his hands into Kageyama’s hair.

“I love you! Tobio I love you so much and I’m sorry that I’ve been so bad at showing it and that I’m always cancelling and that I didn’t realize you were hurting! I’ve done everything wrong up until now and I’m just trying to do something right so please don’t put this off as an act of complacency with Oikawa,” he was actually sobbing now, tangling his fingers in Tobio’s hair.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry... I couldn’t do anything right and you deserved better but I was so stupid...” Hinata cried brokenly as he dipped his head down to his boyfriends chest. Kageyama’s hands came up to his boyfriend’s back.

“I’m sorry, that was so awful of me to say,” Kageyama whispered back, sounding just as hurt.

“No, no, you were hurting, and I was oblivious, god, Tobi you had to have a breakdown to someone for me to realise!” Hinata began sobbing again, burying his head in Kageyama’s shoulder and hugging him tightly.

“It’s okay, I’ll be okay, just... I’m sorry...” Hinata shook his head.

“No! You didn’t do anything wrong! I was so stupid! I love you!” Kageyama nodded and kissed Hinata’s shoulder.

“I love you too,” he whispered against Hinata’s shoulder.

“Okay, well you can come with me you can wait here, but my water is definitely boiling by now and I wanna make ramen.” Hinata ounces up from his spot in Kageyama’s lap and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, giving him yet another apologetic look and walking to the kitchen. When he got there, he walked over to the pot and watched as the bubbles rose to the surface, trying to keep his tears from doing the same. He’d composed himself as quickly as possible while with Tobio but now he just felt like crying all over again knowing the full extent of Kageyama’s hurt was so painful.

“Baby?” Kageyama had called as he entered the kitchen seeing Hinata gripping the counter tighter than he should have. Hinata snuffed and brought his hand up to wipe his tears before shaking his head and looking back at the pot, dumping in a bunch of noodles and moving to grab some vegetables from the cupboard. He was stopped however when Kageyama’s much larger hand grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

“Don’t start cutting vegetables like this, talk to me, that’s what got us into this mess in the first place, I wasn’t communicating,” Hinata sniffed and nodded, turning around to face his boyfriend and maneuvering to hold his hand he leaned forward into Kageyama’s chest.

“How do I fix it?” He asked softly and Kageyama was once again shocked by Hinata’s words.

“What do you mean?” Kageyama asked and Hinata laughed sardonically into his chest.

“I changed something, or things, at some point in our relationship that made you feel this way, so tell me what, so I can fix it,” Kageyama sighed and wrapped his arms around Hinata’s waist, burying his nose in Hinata’s hair.

“You stopped kissing me goodbye, and hugging me good morning first,” Kageyama muttered and Hinata squeezed him tight in retaliation.

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing he said then he leaned up and kissed Kageyama’s nose, “I’ll remember from now on,” Kageyama smiled, but his expression went bitter sweet again fast.

“Then you stopped inviting me over, or offering to come to mine, you stopped acting like you wanted to be around me out of school,” Hinata’s heart clenched and he clenched Kageyama’s shirt in his hands.

“I do Tobio I really do, and if you really want you can come to mine or I’ll go to yours every night if that’s what it will take,” Tobio was the one to laugh sardonically this time.

“There’s no way your mother wants me here that often,” Hinata laughed into his chest.

“You say that but I think she would kill me if she knew I neglected you to this point,” Hinata muttered and Kageyama laughed for real this time.

“Okay, well I really like her too,” he muttered back and Hinata smiled into his chest.

“There’s more, I know it, tell me what else,” he asked, nuzzling Kageyama’s chest.

“Mm, well when we were together at night, you stopped cuddling me to sleep, you were always on the phone with Kenma...” Kageyama muttered feeling himself blush as he realized how pathetic he sounded.

“You were jealous!” Hinata exclaimed, using one of his hands to support him as he hopped up onto the kitchen counter, wrapping his legs around Kageyama’s waist. Kageyama groaned and leaned forward, resting his forehead against Hinata’s shoulder.

“To be fair I also thought you were growing tired of me...” he whispered and Hinata sobered up quickly. He wrapped his arms around Kageyama’s back and rubbed it soothingly.

“Okay, I’ll try to get off the phone faster, Kay?” Kageyama nudged Hinata with his nose and nodded softly. Hinata smiled softly as he rubbed Kageyama’s back.

Things weren’t perfect with those two, and they wouldn’t be for a while after that, but they both decided to work extra hard and put in the extra effort to keep eachother safe and happy from that moment on. It wasn’t a spoken promise, or a knowingly mutual one, but it was a promise to themselves for eachother, making it one of the most powerful promises of all.

[poguestarkey]

could you do one for the rafe taylor series based on dear john? if you can make it work... you can do it any way i just love that song!

warnings: my chaotic ass brain AGAIN, swearing 

this is also gonna be headcanon style bc i like that and don’t want it to be too similar to some other ones coming in the futureeee

- so ur bestiessss w sarah (ur 2 years older than her and 1 year younger than rafe)

-and u and rafe had been together since u were 15 and u just broke up bc toxic relationship and cocaine ruin yo brain

-and u are sad™ bc he was ur first everything

-u lost ur virginity to him, u had ur first kiss w him, he was ur first bf and u thought u was gonna be together forever 

- u thought wrong

- so you’ve been broken up for like 2 months but obvi ur still at tannyhill all the time bc sarah

- and we’re gonna pretend there’s a big fat piano in like the living room or foyer or sum

- and ur a Singer™ and ur voice is GOOOODDD and u used to sing to rafe a lot so now u get a lil sad when u sing

- but then inspiration strikes!

- write a song abt rafe and let out all ur feelings!!

-yay go y/n doin the good things for her mental health

- proud of her

- so remember in a previous imagine i said that john is now rafes middle name

- yeah i said it *cue rihanna*

- as a joke u would call rafe john all the time bc it annoyed him

- secretly he loved it

- but u not tryna be like HEY RAFE IM SAD SO I WROTE A SONG ABT U

- so u spend a while writing it bc u just wanna get ur feelings out in the best way possible

- and then it’s just u and sarah at her house and she asks to hear it so u go down to the piano

- and u start playing 🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶

- i’m putting lyrics in here bc this song slaps

- highly recommend crying to it

-Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you Counting my footsteps, Praying the floor won't fall through, again My mother accused me of losing my mind, But I swore I was fine, you paint me a blue sky And go back and turn it to rain And I lived in your chess game, But you changed the rules every day Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone Tonight, well I stopped picking up, and this song is to let you know whyDear John, I see it all now that you're gone Don't you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress, cried the whole way home, I should've knownWell maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame Maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it away And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said "run as fast as you can"Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone Don't you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress, cried the whole way homeDear John, I see it all, now it was wrong Don't you think nineteen is too young To be played by your dark twisted games, when I loved you so? I should've knownYou are an expert at sorry, And keeping the lines blurry Never impressed by me acing your tests All the girls that you've run dry Have tired, lifeless eyes 'Cause you burned them out But I took your matches before fire could catch me, So don't look now, I'm shining like fireworks over your sad, empty townDear John, I see it all now that you're gone Don't you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress, cried the whole way home.I see it all now that you're gone Don't you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress wrote you a song You should've known, you should've known Don't you think I was too young? You should've known

- and u are very much crying while u sing bc it’s heartfelt and emotional and the guy u thought u were gonna marry is gone right?

-spoiler alert he was in the kitchen drinking chocolate milk

- and the whole time he’s listening and borderline sobbing bc he loves u so damn much but he doesn’t know how to get u back and keep u

-he’s never had a good relationship with any girl so he doesn’t know how to fix yours

- and he wants to get clean but he doesn’t know how 

-and he needs help

- he needs you

- but you’re tired of being walked all over

- and you walk into da kitchen liek HOLY SHIT U HEARD THAT FUCK FUCK FUCK

- and ur both crying but he just leaves bc he loves u too much to put u thru that again

-and eventually rafe gets clean and you move on 

- you still see each other occasionally bc sarah

- but some stories just don’t have a happy ending

[feistypuppythatwantstowatchball]

8 - top 5 non nedwnt players

Damn, a savage one right of the bat.

1. Danielle van de Donk

2. Merel van Dongen

3. Jackie Groenen

4. Dominique Bloodworth

5. Lieke Martens (pls pray for her toe)

EDIT - Read that one wrong. Will keep this one and add the correct list.

1. Beth Mead

2. Magdalena Eriksson

3. Lucy Bronze

4. Lia Walti

5. Jordan Nobbs

[a-girl-with-a-big-heart]

Drunken Texts (Part 1)

Twice Jihyo x Reader

Angst

Prompt: She texts you feeling intoxicated and drunk, saying she misses you, and deep inside, you miss her too.

It was 1 in the morning when you heard your phone going off. You didn't give it much thought thinking it was just a few notifications from your sound cloud and other social media. But as your phone kept vibrating, you knew for sure something was off. It was unusual because you would normally receive one notification and that's all. Something inside you just wasn't settling right, so you decided to pick up after you heard it buzz for the fifth time. When you did, you squinted at the screen from the bright light that illuminated your room. You checked the time as you searched for the source of your notifications. It was 1:22 a.m. Thank god it was only the weekend. As you opened your phone, you realized you received a bunch of texts. You felt a sour lump form in the back of your throat as you saw who the messages were from. Your thumb hovers over her name, debating whether or not to open them. You haven't heard from her in months since your break up. You suck in a breath as you open up her texts. You knew you were going to regret this later. You start to read the first two sentences, barely making out what she's saying.

Y/n babyy~ i miss u liek crazy.

Your chest tightens at her words. What is up with these text messages? She's never acted like this before.

U would think sencding a girl flowrs would help improve ur relationship but i guess i was wrong.

You suddenly remember that time she brought you flowers when you were at work to surprise you. It was a surprise alright, but you later had a talk to her about how you’re allergic to them. You start reading the other messages she sent you, and they're all just as weird as the next. It doesn't take you long to figure out she's drunk. For some reason you find this amusing. When you were together, you were never able to get her to drink. Not even on special occasions. She was always watching herself, making sure she was being a good role model for her younger friends. That was one thing about her that you fell in love with. Loved. Past tense. You’d be lying to yourself if you said she never crossed your mind here and there.

You suddenly feel your phone vibrate in your hands. You open the message and see that Jihyo has sent you a blurry selfie of herself. It's dark and out of focus. The neon sign is hard to read. Is she by the dumpster? Your phone vibrates again, and she sends you another picture. The photo is somewhat clear, and you can make out the background a bit better. Jihyo is laughing at something, or maybe someone. The amusement you had on your lips vanish once you realize that she might be alone.

In a flash, you’re up and racing towards your door. You shouldn't care about what happens to her anymore or who she's with, but this feeling in your gut is telling you otherwise. You start to call Jihyo as you grab your jacket and head out to your car. When you get there, you’re turning on the ignition, and just as you’re about to drive off, she finally picks up.

"Hello?" Her voice hums into the phone. You think you hear her hiccup a couple times, but pay no mind to it.

"Where are you?" You ask her. You back out of your parking spot and start driving with one hand on the wheel, while the other grips the phone.

"I'm outside. Who's asking?" She stumbles over her words, and you’re sure you hear another voice in the background.

"Jesus Christ." You mutter under your breath. You make a U turn at the next stop and pick up your speed.

"Y/n? Is that you? Are you coming to rescue me?" She asked in a sing song voice. You let out a heavy sigh when you get to a stop light. Your hand still clutches onto the phone, while you’re pretty sure your knuckles have gone white from gripping the steering wheel too long.

"Yeah, I'm coming to rescue you. But you need to tell me where you are first." The light turns green, and you start up again. You hear a few cars honk at you, but you ignore them.

"Well." She starts off. "I'm at a bar. A really, really great bar with loud music and awesome drinks." She tells you through broken hiccups in between her words.

"What's the name of the place Jihyo?" You try asking her in a more calmer tone so she'll finally tell you. It takes her a moment, but when you hear those words, you start going in that direction.

"Henry's." Is all she says. Your instincts were right. You knew that picture she sent you was too familiar. You’ve been there before. Once. Twice. Okay, maybe a couple times, but that doesn’t matter now.

"Don't move. I'm coming to get you." You say. You don't hang up. Instead, you put her on speaker and toss your phone into the passengers seat. She's breathing heavily on the other line. You’re starting to get scared for her. Even if you aren't together anymore, there's still a part of you that still cares about her. That's the thing, if she was ever in trouble, you’d still go to her in a heartbeat like a dog to its owner when they are being thrown a ball. That was something you always had trouble with growing up. You never learned how to let someone go. You would always go to them no matter the consequences. You cared too much. It's a hard habit to get rid of.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" Your heart clenches when you hear an unfamiliar voice boom in the background.

"Ah, just getting some fresh air." Jihyo replies. You can't make out who the voice belongs to.

"Jihyo!" You practically scream as you peel yourself into the next lane. Just two more exits and you'll be there. "Stay where you are." You tell her. You don't think she heard you. After a moment of complete silence, the call ends. You grab your phone to check it and curse as you throw it back into the passengers seat. "Damn it." You get off the last exit and make a right turn into the parking lot of Henry's. You don't bother parking as you rush out the drivers side. You make your way toward the front doors to be greeted with the smell of cigarettes and booze. You see a couple people standing outside, but you don't recognize any of them as you try to find Jihyo. When you enter the bar you’re greeted with loud music and a strong smell of whiskey. You see Minho, the bar owner, behind the counter tending to customers. He notices you and immediately smiles.

"Y/n, what are you doing here?" He comes over to you while cleaning an empty glass.

"I'm looking for Jihyo. You know where she is?" You ask him. He sets the glass down and gives you a thoughtful look.

"No clue." You watch him take another empty glass and start cleaning it with a rag. You sigh as you wrap the top of the counter with your knuckles.

"Thanks." You say. He nods you off and you search the crowd of people in the room. Even through the dim lights, you know Jihyo wasn't here. She would be too easy to spot in a crowd like this. Raking a hand through your hair, you decide to walk back out. You go behind the building to the dumpsters and notice she wasn't there either. You curse out loud as you kick the dirt beneath you. You pray that she isn't with some stranger. You hope she isn't with some stranger. What if I was too late? What if that guy is taking advantage of her? What if-

You almost trip over a body on the ground. Their legs stick out and you notice that it's Jihyo squatting next to the trash. You don't know why you’re relieved to see her there, but you are.

"Jihyo." You breathe out. She looks up at you and you notice how messy her hair is. Her makeup is smeared and her clothes are somewhat too revealing. You take your long coat, and put it around her shoulders. You help her up in the process. "Jihyo what happened?" You ask her in a low tone. She wobbles against you, and it looks like she was gonna faint. You quickly latch onto her, and hoist her arm around you. She lets out in a giggling mess as you make your way toward your car parked out front. "How many drinks have you had?" You ask her. She only giggles in response.

"Who knows. Three? Four? Maybe eight. You know, I was never one to hold my liquor." She slurs. You finally get to your car, and you set her in the passengers side.

"I wouldn't know." You tell her. It's not like she'll remember this conversation tomorrow. You don't know why you’re trying. "It's not like you would ever drink around me." I\You place her legs inside, and close the door. You walk over to the drivers side and get in. You glance over at Jihyo, and she's barely awake. Her head moves side to side, and her eyes are barely open. You turn on the AC, and roll down the windows a little to get some fresh air in here.

"You know." Jihyo starts. You turn on the ignition and start driving back to your apartment. You don't say anything as you let her speak. "There was a girl with eyes, just. Like. Yours." She states in a matter of fact tone.

"Oh yeah?" You say. She stirs in her seat to sit up properly. You think she's trying to make it look like she's sober, but she is hopelessly failing.

"Totally. But her eyes could never compare to the real thing." She's never spoken her mind out loud like this before. You’re surprised to even hear her say something like that. She was always delicate and cautious of what she did or said. This was new seeing her like this. Even if she is drunk, it's still something than nothing.

"You're drunk." You tell her. You hit a speed bump, and Jihyo practically jumps in her seat.

"You have no proof." She says. You decide to try and hold a conversation with her, just to see how far she can go.

"What were you doing drinking out by yourself?" You glance at her, and she's sitting there on cloud nine with a smile on her face.

"I wasn't alone." She laughs. You feel your chest tighten, afraid for the worst. "I was with a friend. But he left me alone for some other chick." She pouts. You don't know why you find that cute. "Y/n." She whines your name and it takes every fiber of your being not to get too carried away with her. You take your eyes off the road for a moment to look back at her. She's turned in her seat with all of her focus on you. You don't say anything as you refocus your attention back on the road. "Why do people always leave me? Am I that easy to be replaced?" You know where she's going with this, and you try to answer in the best humane way possible.

"No one has left you Jihyo. You still have your parents, and siblings, and your friends. They're not going anywhere." You tell her. She stays silent for a moment. You see in the corner of your eyes that she's fidgeting with her fingers.

"I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about you." There it is, plain and simple. You shift in your seat as you make a left. "Why did you leave me y/n?" She asks you in a different tone, and you were afraid that wasn't her for a second. But she's drunk, so you don't blame her.

"You broke up with me, remember?" You say it as if it was a normal thing to hear. But saying something and hearing something was two different things. Jihyo seemed to understand what you had said though, and she makes this face as if the thought had just struck her.

"Why did I break up with you? I love you." She says it as though it was easy. But if the sober Jihyo heard herself, you know she would have felt embarrassed and would never want to say those words again.

"You're drunk." You tell her again.

You’re almost back at your place and you pray that she's done talking. You’re done talking. You turn into your driveway and park your car. When you get out and go over to Jihyo's side, she's already getting up, ready to walk by herself. But you grab onto her just in case. You slowly walk up the stairs with her holding onto you. It's hard trying to walk with a drunk clinging onto you. But you don't mind that it's her. You get to your door, and you fumble with your keys. Jihyo starts slipping in your grasp, and you react fast by trying to grab a hold of her waist, but your hand grazes her boob instead.

"Sorry!" Your voice squeaks. You feel your cheeks heat up at that small gesture. When you look at Jihyo, she doesn't even seem to notice. She's too drunk and wobbly to even function properly. Maybe she's finally out of it. You think. You feel thankful that she may not remember any of this in the morning. When you get inside, you haul her over to your bed. You take off her shoes, and lay her down on her side just in case she throws up. You take your coat off her shoulders, and put it back by the rack near the front door. You bring back a trash bag and a bottled water if she wakes up later. As you stare down at her, you can't help but trace the outline of her face with your palm. Her face is hot and sweaty. It's almost like she has a fever. Maybe this is why she never drank around you. Maybe she didn't want you to see this side of her. You can't help but get lost in your thoughts staring at her until the sudden realization hits you. She broke up with you. You shouldn't be doing this, you know, but she's Jihyo, and you’re you. As sad as it is, you would still do anything for her if she asked. You let out a sigh as you grab a pillow from the other side of her. As you do so, you feel her arms wrap around your waist. You can't help but let out a nervous laugh.

"Let go Jihyo." You tell her like a mom tells their child to go to bed.

"Don't wanna." She mumbles. You grip your hands around her wrists and pin them down to the bed. You quickly try to escape, and just as you start to turn, she wraps her arms from behind you and intertwines her fingers around your front. You feel her bury her head into your lower back and you sigh into her. You missed that warm feeling she gave you all those times. I missed her. But those thoughts slip your mind as you shake away from her grasp and away from her. She stumbles forward, and you catch her in time before she hit the ground. She really did have too much to drink. You think to yourself. You adjust her back in bed and pull the covers over her shoulders. She doesn't object as she drifts off to sleep. She's out like a light and you can't help but stand there and stare at her as if she was a totally different person, and not the Jihyo you once knew. You brush a few strands of her locks away from her face, and make your way toward the couch afterwards. You try to fall asleep knowing that the girl you used to date is drunk and is sleeping in your bed. But your mind runs wild and you can barely sleep at all.

The next morning, you find yourself awake rather earlier than usual. Jihyo was still sound asleep in your bed. You try not to wake her as you make your way toward the bathroom to take a shower. As you rinse off, you let the cold water run down your back, wondering how Jihyo is going to react waking up in your apartment. It's been a while since she has last been here. You remember it as if it were yesterday when she was telling you that she needed to talk, and you knew that it was code for something serious. Only back then you didn't know how serious til it led to yelling and crying. You shake the thought away when you get out of the shower. You change into some clothes and dry your hair with a hair dryer. Once you get out, you almost fall backwards when you see Jihyo sitting up in bed.

"Hey." You say it in a surprised tone. You weren’t expecting her to get up this early either. "You're awake." You say. She's staring at her hands that sit on her lap. You don't think she's registering what's going on. She looks at you and squints her eyes. Her hand flies to her forehead and she doubles over.

"Ugh my head." She complains. You walk over to her side and hand her some medicine to help ease off the pain. "Thanks." She downs the pill you give her dry before reaching for the bottled water next to her. You sit across from her on your bed and stare at her silently. Her hair is messier than it was last night and you can't help but stifle a laugh. She finally notices and her eyes widen when she realizes the situation she is in. "Oh my god." She whispers to herself while covering her mouth. You see the wheels turning in her head as she connects the dots from last night. She completely folds over and buries her face in the palm of her hands. "I am so sorry. About last night, about calling you." She stammers. "Oh my god and those texts. What I said I-" You cut her off short.

"It's okay. You were drunk. It happens to the best of us." You tell her. She shoots you a look and you cower in your spot.

"Not to me." You almost snort at her choice of words.

"Well it did. Last night." You start to get up and make your way to the kitchen. You grab what was a half eaten sandwich and walk back to the room. Jihyo still hasn't moved from her spot as you gave her the sandwich. She eyes it before taking it from your hands. She takes one bite before downing the whole thing.

"Hang over food." You tell her. She doesn't quite understand the concept as she gives you those confused eyes of hers. But she doesn't question it either. "Take it easy for now. It'll blow away in a few hours maybe." You were being nothing but honest to her. You noticed she finished the water next to her. You go to grab it, and once you do, you’re about to walk back to throw it away but Jihyo stops you by grabbing your wrist.

"Wait." She says to you. You stop and look down at her. She bows her head, not meeting your eyes. You sigh sitting next to her as you set the bottle down and sit in front of her. The bed dips as you do so, causing Jihyo to shift on her left. She stares at you for a brief moment before opening her mouth. "I really am sorry for causing you trouble last night." She tells you honestly and dearly. Your eyes soften as you reach for her hand.

"It's okay, really. I'm just glad you're not hurt." You suddenly remember about that guy she was with and the voice over the phone. "Who were you with again last night? You called me and I heard another voice in the background. I didn't recognize it." You tell her. She furrows her eyes in concentration from last night. It takes her a while trying to recollect her memories. You think it was too much to remember because she comes up with nothing but what she has already told you.

"I don't know, I'm sorry. I was with a friend though. He left with his girlfriend I think and I continued to drown myself in liquor." She tells you. You watch her eyes shift between you and her hands. She finally rubs her temples in frustration. "I really can't remember I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I don't expect you to remember much anyway." You say. She looks at you and you think she's going to say something sincere or sweet, but instead she asks you if she could use your shower and borrow some clothes. You tell her it's fine, like usual, and give her some of your clothes. You watch her disappear into your bathroom, and you flop on your back on your bed.

A while later, Jihyo appears and you feel your heart hammer against your chest at the sight of her wearing your favorite top.

"I'll wash them and give them back to you tomorrow." She says. You almost tell her that she can keep those ripped jeans of yours and that favorite top that you always adored. Although it's a little bigger on her, she makes it look better. She notices you staring and clears her throat, snapping you out of your thoughts. "Look, can we just forget about any of this happening? What I said last night wasn't true at all. I was drunk, obviously, so please can you just forget that any of it ever happened?" She looks at you with hopeful eyes and you almost say yes.

"A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts." You quote. She looks at you shocked.

"What?" She doesn't get it. You don't expect her to.

"Nothing, yeah let's forget about last night ever happening." You finally agree. She smiles at you like she hasn't ripped out your heart months ago.

"Good. Thanks." She takes slow small steps toward the spot next to you on your bed. You want to tell her that you missed her. You want to know how she's been. But if you do that, you’ll only get hurt again. So you sit in silence waiting for the right time to ask her when she'll leave. "So how have you been?" She surprises you by asking you the question you wanted to ask her.

"Why do you care?" You snap at her. She looks hurt at your words and you regret saying them in the first place.

"It's just-we haven't spoken in a while and I guess, I missed talking to you." She simply states. You stare at her with your mouth hanging slightly open. Is she reading your mind or something?

"I've been fine, if you have to know. What about you?" You ask her. She moves her head side to side and hums in response.

"Never been better." She gives you one of those 'Jihyo smile' of hers. The smile you used to love. The smile that could make anyone fall in love with. She grins at you, but you know it's forced.

"Really?" You cock an eyebrow.

"Really." She lies through her teeth. You don't know who she's fooling here. You or her, but it's not working and she knows it. Her grin fades when she sees your reaction. She turns away from you as the words she says next slip through her mouth and right past your heart. "I did mean it when I said I missed you." That's when you stood up making her startled.

"Don't start Jihyo." You say with your back facing her. You feel her arms hug you from behind, and you tense at her touch.

"I've missed you y/n." She pauses. "Have you not missed me?" That's when you snapped. You tear her arms away from you and break free from her grasp. You turn to her and she's looking back at you surprised.

"Missed you?" You say almost bitterly. "I haven't stopped thinking about the day you told me you wanted to break up. I was in love with you. Was." You tell her so she knows. "It took me a slow painful few months to actually get over the fact that you didn't want me anymore. And now, you're telling me that you missed me?" You try to keep your voice level, but you feel yourself on the brink of tears. "Please, don't make me laugh." You spat. She jumps when you say that and you don't even feel sorry for it. She doesn't move and you don't either. It stays quiet between you, and you can feel yourself wanting to cry, but you hold it in. "I think you should leave." You finally tell her. Your heart catches itself in the back of your throat. Jihyo notices your shaky voice and tried to comfort you, but you shoo her away. "Please go." You tell her again. She looks at you, and you know, but you don't look at her. After a moment, you hear her footsteps go further and further away from you. You still don't move from your spot as you hear her leave. Once the door clicks, You immediately break down crying. You fall to your knees and dig your face into the palms of your hands. I have missed you too. You think to yourself. You think of Jihyo and how she was the first person you ever truly loved. You think about how your first kiss was like and how your last was. You think of the first time the two of you ever said 'I love you' to each other. I love you. The words echo in your brain like a hamster on wheels. After seeing her again, those feelings you once had slowly popped up like dandelions in the snow. Do you still love her is the question though. You would still do anything for her if she asked because a part of you still cares. But does that mean you still love her? As sad as it sounds, maybe you do. After all that she's put you through, maybe you still love her. But another part of you doesn't and that confuses the hell out of you. What's the difference of caring about someone and loving them? You rake the back of your brain, trying to come up with an answer. Maybe there is no answer to that.

[aqua-sapphire]

omg people are so stupid HOW THE FRIK IS IT OUR FAULT IF WE BLEED so for me as a muslim i cannot pry while on periods and cause my dad does jammat my mom covers for me by saying i already prayed and some stupid times he make me pray at the the front behind him and im like HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO PRAY and i dont even knwo if he knows about periods and its so god damn frustrating another things the day before yesterday we went shopping and my stupid brother took so much time picking out 1 DAMN PAIR OF JEANS that walmart closed and we couldnt buy pads and so we went to shoppers drugmart and got some but like it is honestly annoying how traditions prohibit us from being open about this like my mom says never to talk about periods in front of my brother BUT LIEK WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPLAIN TO my sis is too young and i cant exactly talk to my mom cause she considers talkin bout it bad like wtf am i supposed to do

Parineeti Chopra responds to a male reporter who claims to know nothing about periods (menstrual cycle). [X]

[offtheheezay]

1 thru 39 of the scene asks cause u have been gone so long !

wats ur scene name?

Matty Machete

describe ur dream outfit!

OK SO i have pictures wait but an old bmth shirt leik this, black skinnies, black and white studded belt, black vans, wristbands!!!, black zip hoodie, chains on chains on chains

describe ur dream haircut!

you ever seen bearface circa september 2015? something like this :) big fringe, sloppy blond dye job

describe ur dream room!

OK green walls, white ceiling, posters EVERYWHERE, long mirror for my eboy pics, my bed, my guitars, my keyboard and my amp

if u could make anything out of kandi, wat would u make?

BRACELET THAT SAYS FAGGOT ON IT AND BRACELET THAT SAYS OLI SYKES

wat would u write on ur shoez?

lyrics from quiver, crucify me, it never ends, and nevershoutnever lyrics about luv!

wat kinda piercingz/tattooz do u hav/want?

I WANNA NOSE RING SOOO BAD!!! and i want a lip ring :3

fave genrez?

metalcore, rap, midwest emo, pop punk, shoegaze!

fave bandz?

BROCKHAMPTON, BMTH, NSN, MBV, MCR, PTV

fave songz?

rite now my favs R it never ends, crucify me, the house of wolves, pray for plagues, chelsea smile, quiver, home, jello, disenchanted, the sky under the sea, lots others!

fave lyricz?

“i am an ocean, i am the sea, there is a world inside of me, lost in the abyss drowned in the deep no set of rules could salvage me”, “i’ve said it once i’ve said it twice i’ve said it a thousand fucking times, that i’m okay that i’m fine that it’s all just in my mind”, “you say this is suicide? i say, this is a WAR!”, “don’t say you love me fala AMO”, hundred thousand miles gone to form your lie, comatose and left on the fault line...”, “and i just wanna fade away into the sky under the sea blowin kisses underwater as we walk into the O-CEAAAN WAAAAAAVES”

hav u evr been to a concert?

i went to imagine dragons in leik sixth grade and ive been to jazz fest a lot and have seen lots of ppl but i wanna see bmth and bh so bad!

do u wanna be in a band?

YES I WANNA START A SHOEGAZE BAND AND AN EMO BAND

wats da best soda/energy drink flavour?

monster zero ultra and i will defend this drink with my life

wat do u miss most abt old internet?

unashamedly being the most flashy and eye-destroying shit, and the cute text faces >___

wats da best old meme?

YO DAWG I HEARD U LEIK 

best place 2 buy clothez?

thrift storez and online... i would have so much cool stuff if i had MONEY

wat r ur fave accessoriez?

oh definitely my hoodie and my belt chain i made :)

wats ur best tip fr ppl that just got into scenecore?

have fun n be urself! SCENE AND EMO IS NOT RESERVED FOR WHITE PEOPLE AND NON-WHITE PEOPLE IN THESE SUBCULTURES ARE SO FUCKING COOL 

opinion on furbiez?

luv furbz...

opinion on funko popz?

I HAD A MIKU AND SHE LOST HER HAIR :(

wats ur fave pattern? (zebra/leopard print etc)

skullz starz and checkers

fave color combo?

red n black, green n black, everything n black!

sumthing u liked as a kid dat u still like?

godzilla!

wats ur most used emoticon? 0w0

>___

wats ur fav typin quirk?

Z REPLACIN S AT DA END OF DA WORD

do u wish ur fllwrz talked 2 u moar?

YA I DO I MISS U ;___;

tag ur fave scene blawgz!

@xxradioactivethecatxx :3

wat got u into scenecore?

i waz already emo and i luv the colors n the unabashed fun

how long hav u been scene?

i wouldnt even rly call myself scene im MUCH moar emo but i LUV LUV LUV the scenies around me

wats da best thing abt being scene?

bright colors n having a community centered around bein urself n creative xpression!

do u hav a fursona?

i did 

r u in sum “cringy” fandomz?

if u consider bh cringy

do u liek plushiez?

YA I DONT HAVE MANY ANYMOAR BUT I LUV THEM

do u liek stickerz?

i fuck so hard wit stickerz

do u hav a friendproject?

i never used it because nobody interacted wit me (///__

do u hav any other scene account?

nooo

do u make art? (drawingz, blingeez, etc.)

I BROKE MY PEN

wats da most scene thing? (anything!)

being urself! being creative! HAVING FUN!!!!

[maxinemorningstar]

- Legit prayed that this poop like an american challenge would turn out well

- i pooped

- Tried to gauge how much poop i needed to wipe off my ass

- Cursed under my breath bc i feel like theres a small wet chunk that i needed to wipe

- took out plenty of tissue around my hand wiped and it FUCKEN HURTS

- i did what i was told that i should wipe until there was no more on the tissue

- FRICTION HAPPENED

- MY ASS IS SO HOT

- IT WAS LIKE SPREADING NUTELLA ACROSS MY ASS CRACK

- I WOULD HAVE ALREADY FINISHED AGES AGO IF I WASN'T DESPERATELY WIPING UNTIL MY ASS WAS 'CLEAN'

- 1/3 OF THE ROLL IS ALREADY CONSUMED AND I JUST POOPED ONCE

- i stood up and MY ASS FUCKIN BURNS AND IT STANKS

- CANT MCFUCKING PUSH MY HEMORRHOIDS BACK INSIDE

- internally crying grossed out

- hjdfksghhhsthsh

- i consumed 1/4 of tissue roll

- i went out of the bathroom grossed out

- NO I CANT LIVE LIEK THIS

- goes back to wash and soap like crazy

- fuck i can still feel how gross just wiping does to me

- takes a mcfuckin shower

- grandma is concerned of my distress

- grandma: dont be a westerner