#1 in 4 deaths in the world
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lakesbian · 1 year ago
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alec's specific brand of trauma is Really Something because it's like. having a father who only interacted with him to scare the piss out of him for any perceived slight and/or with the explicit intent of psychologically breaking him: pretty bad. being groomed into hypersexuality & child prostituted: also pretty bad for his mental wellbeing. but being forced to torture and/or murder people, being coerced into a state where he's capable of unflinchingly raping people before he's thirteen--being groomed into becoming his father--is like. a Very Specific Level Of Issue. systematic stripping of not only physical and sexual autonomy but ethical autonomy, being turned into nothing but an extension of the violence enacted by the person he hates most. full ownership over his body and mind.
like, when you're 12 and shooting someone because daddy said if you don't he's going to shoot you, you do the action first, you alter your mind to be Okay With It afterwards--because if you're not okay with it you're going to break--and then there's nothing of you left because it's all been taken away or changed so you could survive. just sort of utter nothing-matters nihilism by age 13 because he wasn't allowed to have anything for himself, not even the most basic moral compass, not even the ability to walk away and tell anyone about what happened to him without being seen as rotten himself, an abuser first and a victim second. no one will ever talk about what happened to alec without the caveat of "but." the caveat of "he was just a kid, but he still..." he doesn't get to show himself to anyone without the awareness that he's going to be seen as some form of fundamentally bad just by virtue of being a vasil, of having done the things that vasils do.
literally no wonder one of the only times he's ever even remotely visibly upset by something is when taylor--literally one of the only people he has in life, part of the closest thing he has to a family--insinuates he might want to turn out like his father, when the most core aspect of his trauma is not what was done to him but what he was turned into. if there's one thing that can upset him, it's the idea that he's still seen as that 13yo kid who was more of heartbreaker's weapon than he was a person, or that he's seen as wanting to be that way. he spends the first 13 years of his life having any attempt at establishing any form of his own identity razed down before it can even begin--as of story start, he's had all of 2 1/2 years to become his own person, because everything before that belonged solely to his father. so he is sort of ridiculously well-adjusted given the circumstances. but awful by any other metric--and there's the caveat, of course, the But, because the ability to make decisions that don't result in people saying But was very intentionally taken from him.
and when he does finally find something (someone) to care about, when he reclaims the ability to have his own strong emotions and desires and moral compass, he cares about it so much he dies for it. he's been waiting his entire life to have something he's allowed to care about and when he finally gets it, when he finally has that autonomy, he chooses to do the most unselfish possible thing with it. it's a single moment of refutation against everything he was molded to be--everything he still doesn't know how not to be, sometimes--where he realizes that, fuck it, he just wants to do something good for what he cares about. wants it more than he wants anything else on the planet, more than a million dollars or any amount of fame. he's finally in control of his body and his mind and his feelings, after 13 years of being a marionette and 2 years of slowly learning how to cut off the strings, and he decides that what he wants, now that what he wants actually matters, is to give all of himself to doing something good because he cares. in the end, he finally got to define himself by what he wanted to be instead of what he was made to be, and what he wanted to be was a good friend.
it's a good character arc okay. i like it.
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anxiously-sidequesting · 11 months ago
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Not to keep beating dead horses like I so much love to do but I am still completely Flabbergasted and Astonished at how you (Merle Ambrose) could discover the most terrifying fact that a child that is essentially under your care has been indoctrinated into a cult (which, by the way, a process that has taken over the course of years) ((by an agent that has been stationed in a direct position to make it easier to access and manipulate children, that has easily escaped your notice for such a long time)) that worships a nihilistic entity whose ultimate goal is the absolute and total destruction of Everything and Everyone around you, and your one, single, simple-sentenced response to that is to say "Oh, that's a shame. He (Duncan) always was pretty terrible. Hope he gets better someday." And then to move on from those extremely worrying and dangerous bundle of issues permanently without taking any sort of action to protect the vulnerable and make sure nothing like this ever happens again
#i love ambrose as a character but the things he does makes me clench my fists so hard blood circulation gets cut off#the absolute.... lack of care ambrose has for certain things literally render me speechless#and like okay in his uh. in his uh “defense”. there was like. other stuff going on at the time. i get that#like the end of the world for the 7th time yeah there were other things on ambrose's plate#but i dont know how many different ways to put “your children are being manipulated and kidnapped into a cult that means them harm under-#-your nose and it can absolutely happen again“ and make that stick#you... i#that is a horrifying fact to learn and the response is dismissive at BEST#like im not saying ambrose should adopt all 800 children that go to his school or whatever#but like... DO SOMETHING#you have COMPLETE AND UTTER INFLUENCE OVER THE NATIONAL GUARD. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT? USE THAT#send out watch parties! hold stranger danger assemblies! have adults regularly check in with kids! install a curfew! ANY OF THOSE THINGS?#like even if ambrose couldnt single-handedly stop a powerful cult he could at least make an effort.... AN EFFORT#ONE ATTEMPT. TO MAKE SURE ****HIS**** SCHOOL AND STUDENTS ARE SAFE........#and the fact that he says something along the lines of “well duncan was always fucked up” ☹️☹️☹️☹️#this shouldt surprise me fir the man who for 1. some reason refuses to fix the death school#2. does not care about dworgyn or mortis in the least#3. keeps trying to pressure necromancers to change schools#4. kidnapped US from earth and used us.#it really shouldnt but........ but#im gonna say it and idc (/lh) if its unpopular. ambrose should not be in power#he is incompetent at best. he is harmful at worst.#he does NOTHING 99.9% of the time and the one Tuesday where he takes action it makes something worse. he should not be in power#this post is /lh but idk. im a little angry#NOT SERIOUSLY ANGRY BUT CMON MAN. CMON BRO#if the game utilized ambrose's potential more and pointed out how useless/paranoid/rash he can be i would ascend to heaven#i would like literally one person (who isnt a villain) in the game to look at ambrose and say “wow hes kinda fucked up”#THATS THE BARE MINIMUM BUT I WILL ACCEPT THAT I WILL.#kind of unrelated but im kinda mad that the only person to correctly point out how weird ambrose is is morganthe#the murderous tyrant. the person we're not supposed to listen to. because she's evil. she couldnt POSSIBLY be right about Good Guy Ambrose!
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kayzero · 5 months ago
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Quark’s Dreamlike Defibrillation Drabble
You’re sleeping.
Nothing else makes sense.
“Clear.”
Yeah, why else would you feel your heartbeat so clearly? So strong that it’s a little bit painful, beating so heavily that it leaves achey little aftershocks in your chest after every pulse. Thundering and powerful, like you’ve received a shock of lightning from the king of gods himself.
But you only just learned of gods, of Zeus, of Olympus. It was a brand new story from a brand new book—not a super old book from Before, but something totally new. Something made just for you.
It was better than that one book that con artist tried to trick you with—that thing was super old and super thick, yeah, and normally you like that kinda stuff, but only ‘cause you like stories, and people have only barely started writing good stories again, just like people have only started having kids again.
The guy said that it was like a thousand stories in one book, that the book was only falling apart since it was so long and so old, and obviously it was worth a whole bunch just because it was a… it was… an ant-fall-chief…?
“Anthology?”
It was a stupid word, you just started calling it a book-book, ‘cause it was a book full of books, Grandpa said it had full stories instead of chapters!
Grandpa is dead.
…No, he isn’t…
“…”
Yeah… he just got you the best Christmas present ever, just last month. That con artist jerk wanted to sell you the book-book for half of that day’s scavenge, and it was a really really good day of scavenging too! He didn’t even do any work himself, and there wasn’t anything wrong with him either, ‘cause he had to run to catch up with you, and he wasn’t even puffing afterwards, and he had to carry that stupid book with both arms ‘cause that’s how bad it was falling apart.
He just wanted a bunch of your stuff for nothing, nothing but a stupid book that maybe you were a little bit interested in, sure, but you’re not stupid like he musta been, and you told him so and you walked away, pulling your smaller part of the haul while Grandpa pushed his heavier cart behind you.
Grandpa is dead.
It jolts you like a second thunderbolt, it must have gone from your chest up to your brain, because your lungs catch and your nose hurts and your face feels wet. It feels like you’re crying, which reinforces the idea that you’re dreaming, because you were crying on that day too, after you told that con artist off, because you really really did want that book, but you needed supplies more, and your scavenge was so big that Grandpa had to make three trips to trade it all.
You have to be dreaming because he can’t be dead like your brain is trying to tell you, because he wouldn’t leave you alone. Even when you thought you were alone and you it was safe to cry because you really wanted the book full of books, he must have still been there because he knew, and the very next month on Christmas Day he gave you your own story book.
Your book was brand new, made just for you. Every chapter was for a different group of gods from different religions that didn’t worship Brother and Radical-6, and every page had a different god, with their own description and summary and a few fun facts and a list of ‘Myths’, which were all super awesome stories that could be told verbally, so they didn’t take up space and make the book super huge so it would never fall apart.
Every night before bed, you could pick out a new Myth, like how Zeus saved the Olympians and became the King of the Gods, and Grandpa would tell you the story, and it would be the last thing you heard before you fell asleep, which was way better than just reading them.
Grandpa is dead.
The thought thunders through your head, another shock to your system, another bolt from the divide… No…? The defied? Delight? Dim light…?
“Divine...”
Divine. Dih v-eye nn. Godly, or of godlike quality. A new word that you just learned from your new book that you just got for Christmas just last week. Why would you use a new word you only just heard, or think about a king you only just read about, or feel your heart beat way too strong in the wrong part of your chest, direct center of your chest, the middle of your body, perfectly aligned to receive and deliver blood everywhere evenly, except every diagram ever says that it should be somewhere off to the left, between your lung and your ribs.
Painful heartbeat, impossibly centered, painful thoughts, impossibly overpowering.
But anything is possible in a dream.
So you let the distressing thought wash away, dream that it gets pushed down your bloodstream with every beat of your thundering heart, and watch it get smaller and smaller as it slowly disappears, along with the last of your divine tingles.
…You wonder if there are any gods of sleep.
Probably, right?
After you wake up, you’ll look in your book and ask grandpa—
Grandpa is dead.
—when the nightmare is finally gone.
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omarwolaeth · 6 months ago
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Sometimes I think about how the natural energies might not have been as clean cutting as we're lead to believe, and how Yuuya and Yuzu might not be the only split-soul existences, entirely because of a blast radius that neither Ray nor Leo knew about if the En cards ever went off.
#marwospeaking#Imagine hiding under an overhang of rubble. finally safe from Z-Arc perceiving you as being there and a target for his wrath#and some other pro duellist with confidence bigger than the solar system activates four man-made eldritch abominations in the shape of card#to end the eldritch abomination that is 1 part human to 4 parts dragon. and it also ends you because you just happened to be within range#would you have the Ray issue of only being a spirit? or the Zarc problem of your pieces are at each other's throats because their monsters#said so? do you have either problem or neither - and if neither. do you still exist in those pieces or are they unable to recall anything..#..of you? would they ever be able to figure out why their faces are identical if they ever met?#or even if you were a result of this. how do you live knowing you weren't meant to exist all because your original form got caught in..#.. something that never should've involved in - the price was Ray and Zarc. and never them. but they ended up as part of the payment anyway#can you even claim anything of that? Leo Akaba would probably deny you that because it would free him of the responsibility that#his cards killed someone wholly innocent because they were too close to the cards. because then it frees him of a guilt he can't#cure by bringing 6 existences back that only ever existed in this new world. how would you feel if you were part of academia only..#.. to realise your death and creation can be squarely blamed on Leo Akaba for creating the murder weapon in its four pieces..#..and it was never meant to be used on you but it was anyway. without anyone realising it until it's far too late. 14 years too late#14 years and another instance of reality too late#whoops! ended up rambling. anyway this is Taking Up Space In My Brain#arc v
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kalashtars · 7 months ago
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i really wish you could name achievement showcases on steam because i really want one that looks something like this
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kosmiccarma · 1 year ago
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I'll add myself to the pool of ppl who (might delusionally) believe gojo ain't dead dead
#karma.talks#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 236 leaks#listen. I was cackling in the work parking lot this morning looking at the server leaks#1. narratively his death would serve nothing for the plot. and the whole fight wouldn't have moved anything forward#2. head ain't cut off. eyes aren't destroyed. shoko and angel literally still on the same continent. body could be healed easy peasy#3. gojo was saying bye to his dead friends instead of them welcoming him? so he could be goin' off to limbo#or have his second enlightenment hit within the next couple chapters to off sukuna once and for all. and get to kenny#and 4. uhh kenny??? he still exists gege. can't have a fight with him paired with anyone else tbh just wouldn't thematically fit#best of both worlds scenario: kids kill sukuna with gojo's resurrection#gojo goes on to fight kenny. kenny dies by the six eyes and/or infinity once and for all and gojo sacrifices the six eyes and/or infinity#so kenny can no longer body swap and will end the tale of his terror. geto comes back into consciousness for a couple more moments#OR his body is at peace once and for all and THEN gojo dies from wounds / overexertion of his cursed energy#OR gojo lives but remains a normal human w/o the six eyes or limitless. and this is bc he cheated death twice and that's the toll#gege make some of this happen or you've given a good side character a nonsensical death (within the scope of the story and character arc)#give it 10 chapters to see where this goes. if he's dead dead that's a fumble of an ending to their fight and a death scene#btw if anyone wants to talk abt this more just DM me I ain't fighting the tag system over more spoilers
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dizzyrobinsims · 1 year ago
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Do you walk in the valley of kings? Do you walk in the shadow of men Who sold their lives to a dream? Do you ponder the manner of things In the dark?
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justletmereadmycomics · 1 year ago
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giggling maniacally as I witness characters see trauma of other versions of themself who’ve had it worse in some ways and therefore mentally breaking down
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youaremysunshine-court · 5 months ago
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give me 5 reasons not to jump out of my window
#sorry its just#its 2 in the morning for my old man constitution and its the middke of doom week#AND i just finished an existentialism paper#ON NIETZSCHE#youd think id no how to spell that after 5 hours of typing and retyping his name but i DONT#1. bc i have to become an archaeologist for Petty Reasons for Spite Reasons#2. bc i have to become an archaeologist for cool 'baby jay wanted to do this and so does adult jay' reasons#3. my dog would miss me#4. my friends would miss me#5. i cant die till they can legally put dr on my grvestone#6. i havent written a book yet and the world deserves to see me zombie boyfriends#7. i havent actually done anything truly cursed yet#8. jumping out of a window is Not an interesting death i want to die in a cool way#9. i need to defend said existential paper in front of my favourite professor and best my entire class in verbal combat#10. i dont actually want to die i just want sleep and a hot cup of cocoa and maybe for finals week to be done with#yeah#i feel better after that#i actually really love my life because if you went back in time and told 12 yr old jay that they write about THE FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE one day#they would be shocked and in awe and find me so so cool bc they loved the Idea of studying philosophy even if they werent sure what it was#and thats kinda cool#i am my own hero and i am literally the coolest person to my younger self#and thats amazing#anyway#this acrually turned out kinda cheerful when i thought it would be a rant post#lol#abyway gonna go cram anthro and socio now bc apparently i keep taking ws
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oc-cinematic-universe · 5 months ago
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thinkin about death being a teacher in the school. in a lot of ways hes kind of just a joke. like haha yeah the god of death just works here. nobody knows why. hes just chillin and he wont leave. what are you gonna do about it? hes god.
but also like. hes very close friends with dara. theyve known each other for decades and he wont leave. death never leaves her. keeps following her. and he just wont let her die. people have died around her for so long so many times and yet shes still here the same as she was. her lack of aging was not his doing but he does try so hard to keep her going, keeps pushing her to keep waking up every day and moving forward. he wont let her die. i dont think he would know how to let her die if it came down to it.
death doesnt know a thing about grief. he sees other people experience it but he doesnt know what it is really. hes never lost someone hes known. but would it matter if he did? he'll just see them again in the underworld. he doesnt get to care, his entire job is to take them to his house after theyre gone and let them hang out its not a big deal right? but he doesnt let dara die. its just a habit at this point maybe. he doesnt know. he cant examine that. its just the right thing to do, to help her keep going, hed feel bad if he didnt. so the god of death stays in the school because of 1 person that he cant bear to leave
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gothamcityneedsme · 1 year ago
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i want a game like jade empire again
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starstaiined · 2 years ago
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thinking about how tatum's story is always destined to end in tragedy. it's been written in blood since the beginning: even in aus where she survives the original woodsboro massacre, all it does is prolong the inevitable and serve to completely eviscerate sid when it happens.
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c0rpsedemon · 2 years ago
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there's something about my aunt's outlook on life that's just so depressing and upsetting that it's getting to the point where i'd like nothing more to cut her out of my life just for the sake of enjoying it
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thinkingonscripture · 20 days ago
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Unlimited Atonement
Unlimited atonement is the biblical teaching that Jesus died for everyone. Through His sacrificial death on the cross, Jesus bore the wrath of God by taking upon Himself the sins of all humanity and bearing the punishment that was due for our sins.
Unlimited atonement is the biblical teaching that Jesus died for everyone. Through His sacrificial death on the cross, Jesus bore the wrath of God by taking upon Himself the sins of all humanity and bearing the punishment that was due for our sins. His death on the cross paid the price for the sins of everyone. Jesus’ death for sins is the foundation for reconciliation with God because God judged…
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scatteredshowersposts · 3 months ago
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A post-canon, pre-reunion No. 6 playlist for Shion. This playlist follows Shion from the end of Volume 9, through Beyond, until just before he reunites with Rat. It concludes right before the events of my story, Summer Rain.
In the Country - La Luz There isn't one thing that I wouldn't do for you Why leave?
Good Grief - Dessa But I’m willing to work for this Just show me where to dig And I’m ready to hurt for this
I Don't Trust U Anymore - Left at London As a kid, I was idolizing millionaires and all the presidents But I don't trust them anymore No way, no way, no, not again And I may never trust at all No way, no way, I'm over them
Working for the Knife - Mitski I always thought the choice was mine And I was right, but I just chose wrong I start the day lying and end with the truth That I'm dying for the knife
Glass House - Screaming Females Whose house is this? A gift was promised Future structures till we all vanish
The Center Won't Hold - Sleater-Kinney I need a real affliction Gives me a reason to stay I need a new reflection Don't wanna see my face
Fear the Future - St. Vincent When the Earth split in two I was I, you were you I run for you Run for me, too
Kokomo, IN - Japanese Breakfast God, I wish we could go back there Left alone in my room I know they deserve you too And maybe I'm not that worthy
#no. 6#no.6 novel#no. 6 shion#no.6 shion#nezushi#More description:#In Beyond we see that Shion is super depressed and we see him make a power grab#so this is about his journey from grief over Safu's death and Rat's departure to trying to do the work on the Restructuring Committee#but eventually realizing that they're STUCK in old patterns all the other cities suck too so there is no just future in reform#1 is the end of Vol 9 where - why can't we just make this into somewhere we can both live#2 is about Shion trying to work through his grief re Safu (and Rat leaving) to do the work of “restructuring”#3 is his motivation for breaking shit down and “restructuring”#4-6 about realizing that “restructuring” is insufficient because all the city-states are fundamentally exploitative#7-8 are about essentially giving up and desperately wanting to see Rat again#And some extraneous info...#1 La Luz is a Seattle based all-women group and their instrumentals are HYPNOTIC imo#2 Good Grief seems really good for Shion dealing with losing Safu and not having time to process until way after#3 re the l@l song I feel like shion is like ok nezumi told me not to change but i also can't trust anything i ever learned before this#i know shion did not idolize the president but he was TAUGHT to do that and the point is he doesn't know where to look for guidance bc#Rat is gone. but like also i wonder if he's like wow i've basically just been dumped fuck the world#Left at London is a trans woman who sings about cool shit like taking down the government so she had to be here#4 i feel like after he kicks Yomin off the RC he's probably like that was for sure the wrong decision and also i should have gone with my b#also i love mitski and was deciding btw this one & Nobody#5 this is like extreme disillusionment. we were supposed to be doing something good but it's all still rotten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#screaming females is also all women and so are the next ones so this is unintentionally an all women playlist haha#6 i love sleater-kinney and i feel like this fits shion well bc he was sort of everyone's light and now he's like never smiling#(per Karan in his Beyond chapter)#7 is so relatable. like please just tell me what's coming next!!!!#8 is the long distance theme song fr + i love japanese breakfast
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proxycrit · 1 month ago
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FAMILIAR FAMILIAR MASTERPOST
(EDIT: pinning this for linktober to keep things in order! All shenanigans will also be reposted on my alt blog, @critbit-hoard )
If you want to see my general info (and also which tags to look at my other art, click here)
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FAMILIAR FAMILIAR is a self indulgent TOTK AU where Link and Zelda traverse the wild lands of Hyrule together. There are ruins to be discovered and monsters to be eaten.
This project is a linktober challenge that will extend past the month of october. Please be patient with me as this is entirely being funded by a hyperfixation and the support of beloved patreon backers (ty patreon backers). Pls note fanart, fanfics, and spinoffs are perfectly fine as long as credit is due!
Chronological Order (updating as we go!)
1. Blood Moons and Headaches
2. Basement Adventures
3. Basement’s Adventures Haunted
4. Basement’s Extra Haunted
5. Lost (and found)
6. World’s Endin, Purah’s Stressin
7. Concern about Death Mountain
8. Goron City
9. Death Mountain vs Oversized Railgun
10. The Sage of Fire
11. Interlude
12. Goodbye Eldin!
13. Rained In
14. Skyview Towers
15. Close Call
16. Welcome To The Swamp
17. A Guide Named Yona
18. Sidon’s No Good Very Bad Two Months
19. Authority Issues
20. Lab in the Sky
21. The Water Sage
22. Reprise
23. Century Idol
24. Safe Travels
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