#02x01 in my time of dying

[itsgeniuskay]

Supernatural rewatch 02x01 "In My Time of Dying"

Dean and his habit of looking damn handsome when he's dying.

Tessa called him a soldier, not a brother or son. I'm devastated.

[homehauntsyou]

2x01 in my time of dying or 4x01 lazarus rising?

02x01. SO sorry but there's no hesitation for me. it actually has some of my all-time favorite dean moments and i think it's just a super solid ep

[liamgallaghermpreg]

Did you love your father? | 02x01 In My Time of Dying + 10x09 The Things We Left Behind

[swordofsun]

Finished s1 of my rewatch! Let's talk character arcs because, yes, Supernatural does have them.

Let's go with Sam first. His entire arc this season was not becoming his father, while being able to acknowledge and appreciate who his father was. What does that mean?

John was a man who lost himself in revenge. Nothing mattered as much as killing the demon that killed Mary. Not even his children. Sam spends s1 being kept from falling into that same hole and as a result understanding how his dad did fall into the hole. As is pointed out many times in s1 Sam and John are a lot alike.

We see as early as 01x02 that Sam is wholly focused on revenge. Once he determines that John isn't at the location of the coordinates he advocates leaving. Something he later does in Asylum and Scarecrow as well. In Dead in the Water he's ready to leave town when they're told to without verifying that the ghost has been dealt with. Because Sam has to be reminded many times that while the end goal is finding the thing that killed Jess, it's a marathon not a race. They shouldn't just leave people to die to focus on their goals.

Scarecrow sets this up in one of the best ways. Because we see Sam split off to go and try to find John. Then we see Dean interacting with the couple that would've died if Dean had gone with Sam. Who Dean then tells Sam about in a phone call later. It's important to note that Dean does not take this opportunity to tell Sam he should've stayed and helped Dean on the case. Sam is then later shown the face of the person who would've died (in addition to Dean) if he hadn't been there. Seeing these people as real and not just a possibility is important to Sam's growth.

We are then given several arguments in Salvation and Devil's Trap between Sam and Dean about whether or not dying for revenge is worth it. Sam thinks it is and Dean doesn't. This is an ongoing conflict over the two episodes that cumulates in the scene where Sam has to choose between killing the demon and their father or letting the demon go and saving their father. He chooses to save their John and to pick the path of life over revenge. There are things more important then getting revenge.

(I am so excited to examine how this particular arc goes over the next 4 seasons specifically. Because we know Sam doesn't stay with this mindset and I think 02x01 is a big factor there.)

Dean's character arc is less front and center, but no less important. And it's basically learning to stand up to John. We're told and shown again and again over the course of s1 that Dean does not argue with John and that he follows all of his orders without question. Something that causes a lot of friction between him and Sam. They have multiple arguments about it, most notably Asylum and Scarecrow.

We're also shown the cracks in that facade. Dean doesn't always agree with John and he's not perfectly happy being the good little soldier. It's the role he played in order to keep his family together and s1 is Dean trying to make it work again. We're also shown the flashback in Something Wicked in which Dean doesn't follow John's orders to the letter and Sam almost dies. Say what you will, that's how Dean views the incident and John did nothing to dissuade him from that belief.

(Even without everything else we learn about their childhood that right there is enough of a foundational trauma event to explain why Dean follows orders without complaint or question.)

Over the course of the season we see Sam and Dean's relationship strengthen to a point where Dean can feel secure in it without their dad being there. He can trust that his relationship with Sam is separate from either of their relationships with John. Which gives him the ability to stand up to John, both in the phone calls conversation and in ignoring his orders at the end of Dead Man's Blood. Because Dean knows that even if things go bad with John he's not going to lose Sam. He can trust that Sam can take care of himself and that they will remain brothers regardless.

And onto season 2!

[crimsoncorpse]

2024 Writing Challenges :)

01: Race Against The Clock:

"if only we had more time"

04. Hallucination:

Sensory Deprivation | When The Levee Breaks (spn) | "you're still alive in my head"

06. Not Realising They're Injured:

"That's not my blood" - Born Under A Bad Sign

07. Only For Emergencies:

"it's Us or Them" | Unconventional Weapon; Sam thinks Dean is a shifter & kills him not realising that it's the real Dean.

09. Obsession:

Sam is cursed to obsess over the thing/person he loves the most until he dies.

11. Seeing Double:

Drunk! Sam confesses to dean | "i ache for you dean"

12. Starvation ✔ :

Date Written: (07/10/24)

"Just a little more" | 01x02: Wendigo | Underground Caverns

14. Left For Dead:

"i want you to know what it's like to be haunted"

15. Childhood Trauma:

"i did good...right?" - 15x20 Spn

16. Necrosis:

End of season 2: dean says/asks Sam "i know you're in pain Sammy, but Sam i need you to hold on for me" & Sam replies "no i don't feel anything"

17. Nowhere Else To Go:

"we had a good run"

19. Revenge:

Sam tortures Azazel/Alistair for what they did to Dean in hell

20. Blood Trial:

One way out | Sam & Dean die together | 15x20; while he moves dean's body Sam's accidentally falls down a ravine/cliff | "is anyone out there" | Abandoned Cabin

21. Emotional Whump:

Spirit possession; Meg & Sam | Permission to die | "it's not your fault"

22. Body Horror:

Mystery Spot; Dean sees/remembers what Sam went through

24. Forced Choice:

Forced demon blood cleanse; Sam Winchester

25. Radiation Poisoning:

Equipment Failure | Collapsed Building

26. Surgery:

Dean monitors Sam Hell (Season 07) | "it's for you own good" | Stiles Has To Cut Derek's Arm Off - Magic Bullet Ep

28. Denial:

Dean sees/ overhears Sam being interrogated; Sam confesses to being in love with dean / that they're fucking.

29. Fatigue:

Self Hating Sam Winchester | "Who said you could rest" + Sick/Injured Dean.

30. Recovery:

Hospital; 02x01: In My Time Of Dying (Spn) | "what have i done"

31. Asking For Help:

"i'm alive, just not well"

Dean Winchester: Panties

Dean Winchester: Submissive!Dean

Chris Sturniolo: Daddy Kink

Colby Brock: Dominant Colby Brock

Colby Brock: Handcuffs/Bondage

Sam Golbach: School Girl (Outfit)

Sam Winchester: Oral

Sam Winchester: Size Kink

Soldier Boy: Muscle/Strength Kink (Written 02/10/24)

Michael Morningstar (spn): Voice Kink

[monstermoviedean]

dean doesn't remember his time out of his body in 02x01 which means he doesn't remember screaming at john that he's given everything he's ever had while john sits by and watches dean die. the one time he stands up for himself against john and not only is he unconscious, he doesn't even remember it. it's dean's original self-protective memory rewrite.

[spnfrases516]

[ 2x1 - In my Time of Dying ]

{ esp }

“¿Sabes? Cuando eras un niño, volví a casa de una cacería, y después de lo que había visto estaba... estaba destrozado. Y tú... Tú viniste hacia mí, pusiste tu mano sobre mi hombro (y) me miraste a los ojos y me... Tú me dijiste, 'Está bien, papá'. Dean, lo siento.”

“¿Qué?”

“No debiste haberme dicho eso, yo debería habértelo dicho. ¿Sabes? Puse... Puse demasiado peso sobre tus hombros, hice que crecieras demasiado rápido. Cuidaste de Sammy, cuidaste de mí. Hiciste eso y no te quejaste ni una sola vez. Sólo quería que sepas que estoy muy orgulloso de ti.”

{ eng }

“You know, when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt, and after what I'd seen, I'd be, I'd be wrecked. And you, you'd come up to me and you, you'd put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in the eye and you'd... You'd say 'It's okay, Dad'. Dean, I'm sorry.”

“What?”

“You shouldn't have had to say that to me, I should have been saying that to you. You know, I put, I put too much on your shoulders, I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that, and you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you.”

English transcription source: Supernatural Wiki.

***

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[aborddelimpala]

Sure John wasn’t the father of the year and he was probably a bit OOC in this episode but damn, Sam deserved this. 

+ Jared was wonderful ❤️

[samclownchester]

Supernatural Rewatch 02x01

At My Time of Dying

(Next Episode | Masterlist | Previous Episode)

(not spoiler free)

This is the episode where John dies and, as goodbyes go … it’s not the best. Both his sons spend the whole episode convinced he’s a heartless bastard who cares more about revenge than saving his son.

JOHN Where's the Colt?

SAM Your son is dying, and you're worried about the Colt?

….

DEAN Come on, Dad. You've gotta help me. I've gotta get better, I've gotta get back in there. I mean, you haven't called a soul for help. You haven't even tried. Aren't you going to do anything? Aren't you even going to say anything? I've done everything you have ever asked me. Everything. I have given everything I've ever had. And you're just going to sit there and you're going to watch me die? I mean, what the hell kind of father are you? 

This … hurts on a lot of levels. For one, we know that John does have a plan. His plan is to make a deal with Azazel to bring Dean back. Now … he was hoping he could just give him the Colt, get Dean back and move on. Probably spring some plan to try and kill the demon another way. But, he must have suspected Azazel would ask for more. And he was willing to pay that price. It’s obvious that John doesn’t care much for his own life, when we have conversations like this:

JOHN You know, it's funny, I thought it was your obsession too! This demon killed your mother, killed your girlfriend. You begged me to be part of this hunt. Now if you'd killed that damn thing when you had the chance, none of this would have happened.

SAM It was possessing you, Dad, I would have killed you too.

JOHN Yeah, and your brother would be awake right now.

So, that’s heartbreaking on one level, to know that John is about to sacrifice himself for Dean and both Sam and Dean are accusing him of not caring.

But also, it hurts that they believe it. This is their father, the person who is supposed to love and protect them. They should expect him to care, to try. But, they just spent the last year trying to find him, with him sending them off on hunts and refusing to pick up his phone. They grew up with him dumping them in some motel room and taking off for days. They only believe he would prioritize a hunt over his own son because … that’s what he’s always done.

DEMON Why, John, you're a sentimentalist. If only your boys knew how much their daddy loved them.

Azazel says this to John as they make their deal … and honestly, yeah. If only they knew. If only he’d shown them that he loved them. Because I believe he did, in a way. But he didn’t show it, he kept them at arm’s length. Controlled them, ordered them, but never loved them.

His last words to each of them kind of set them on the separate emotional paths they each take after his death. To Sam he says:

JOHN Can we not fight? You know, half the time we're fighting, I don't know what we're fighting about. We're just butting heads. Sammy, I, I've made some mistakes. But I've always done the best I could. I just don't want to fight anymore, okay?

Sam, who right before this was getting pretty riled up, is a little taken aback at his dad’s tone, posture, everything. He swallows his anger and agrees to go get his dad a cup of coffee. But what John says isn’t an apology or anything of the kind. He simply asks for the fighting to stop. He says he always did the best he could, as if that excuses the way he raised them. But this line sticks in Sam’s mind, and you can tell because he will use it often in future episodes. Even in 14x13, that’s what Sam says to John, “But you did your best, dad … and that’s enough.” We’ll see in the upcoming episodes that Sam starts to excuse things John did, starts to find ways to let himself forgive him.

(Also, if John had listened to Sam just once he would have known what they were fighting about. Control. Free Will. Trust. All Sam wanted was for John to treat him like a person and support his interests and decisions instead of trying to mold him in John’s idea of who Sam should be)

Dean, on the other hand, gets a very different goodbye.

JOHN You know, when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt, and after what I'd seen, I'd be, I'd be wrecked. And you, you'd come up to me and you, you'd put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in the eye and you'd... You'd say "It's okay, Dad" Dean, I'm sorry.

DEAN What?

JOHN You shouldn't have had to say that to me, I should have been saying that to you. You know,  I put too much on your shoulders, I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that, and you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you.

DEAN This really you talking?

JOHN Yeah. Yeah, it's really me.

Let’s look at the different pieces here. Firstly, he says “I’m sorry,” something I don’t think he ever says to Sam (except in 14x13). He admits to Dean that he raised him wrong. That he didn’t allow Dean to be a child. That he failed as a father. I don’t think it’s ever occurred to Dean until this moment that a child shouldn’t have to comfort his father.

We get a little reminder of last episode, when John tells Dean he’s proud of him and Dean has to ask if it’s really his dad talking. Because the last time he heard that it was a demon. We already know that’s not something John says often.

But, in this moment Dean is starting to process that John isn’t perfect. He’s admitted that to Dean. It was something Sam always knew but Dean refused to see. As he’s processing this, his father, who he has always loved and trusted, tells him that maybe he might have to kill his little brother.

And then he dies. He apologizes for putting too much weight on Dean’s shoulders as he grew up, then he dumps this enormous weight on him, and leaves him. All alone. With no guidance, no explanation, nowhere to go for help. We know that John knew more about Azazel’s plan for Sam, but he didn’t tell Dean any of it. Just that he might have to kill the one person he loves in this world.

We already saw that Dean’s faith in John was starting to waver at the end of Season 1, but this is where his anger really starts to build. We’ll see in future episodes how his opinion on the way they were raised and the things their dad believed are starting to shift.

[amazingmaeve]

DEAN WINCHESTER FIC RECOMMENDATIONS!

all these fics are beautiful written and deserve lots of recommendations so follow author and like/reblog/comment on these amazing fics!

deja vu ➵ @chucksfavouriteprophet

summary ➵ Reader is on a hunt with Sam and Dean that brings back some dark memories. While trying to make sure the outcome they know doesn’t happen again, Reader gets themselves into an unfortunate situation and can only hope the brothers reach them before its too late.

stay the night ➵ @wearywinchester

summary ➵ When a hunt goes wrong, Dean gets protective and finds he’s got to keep an eye on you, something more coming out of it than expected.

it should be you ii ➵ @chucksfavouriteprophet

summary ➵ After a plan goes horrendously wrong, Dean blames you. Distraught and convinced by his words, you turn to some old, toxic coping mechanisms for help. Alone in the bunker, you become out of hand and time is running out for the brothers to stop you.

whiskey cola ➵ @french-vanilla-in-the-clouds

summary ➵ When Y/N visits Harvelle’s, she’s not feeling her best. It isn’t until another bright-eyed hunter joins her for a drink that things start to liven up...

nothing left to lose ➵ @twdsunshine

summary ➵ Dean is going to hell, but he won’t talk about it.  Until the reader catches him in a weak moment...

sting and burn ➵ @wearywinchester

summary ➵ When an argument over a hunt that’s gone wrong leads to the reveal of an injury, anger begins to fade in favor of something much softer–comfort.

ill never leave your side ➵ @chucksfavouriteprophet

summary ➵ After you return from Purgatory, exhaustion takes over and the reality of the past few months hits you. But, as always, Dean is there to take care of you.

im not glass ➵ @fluffiest-dreams

summary ➵ Y/N was okay and Dean was still fretting. Seriously, she wouldn't break. Sequel to It's Not Your Fault but all you really need to know is that Y/N was injured and Dean finally worked out his feelings for her

tough love ➵ @muffinbeliever

summary ➵ The reader hasn't seen Dean since she left the brothers after he took the Mark. But when she happens to run into him at a bar in North Dakota, he's not the same man she remembered.

guardian angel ➵ @avanatural

summary ➵ Based on 01x22 “Devil’s Trap” and 02x01 “In My Time of Dying.” Y/N is a hunter and Dean Winchester’s girlfriend. She joins the Winchester family in their battle against Azazel. After the car crash, she fears for her boyfriend’s life. On top of that, she finds out something that will turn her entire world upside down. 

you deserve the world ➵ @avanatural

summary ➵ Dean Winchester has gone up against monsters, humans, and even the Devil himself. But there is one enemy that he can’t defeat – time. As he notices that his age is starting to take a toll on his body, Dean wonders if his girlfriend will stay by his side.

tear you apart ➵ @westerneyedwinchester

summary ➵ The beat of the club vibrated throughout the huntress’s body, her thighs clenching at the way the red lights casted shadows on the man she had been eyeing all night.

innuendos ➵ @bccky

summary ➵ You can’t help but spout sexual innuendos at random times, the third time you do it accidentally, it riles Dean up to the breaking point

peppermint kiss ➵ @french-vanilla-in-the-clouds

summary ➵ After a particularly dangerous hunt where Dean loses control to The Mark, Y/N stands by his side for comfort and care. Though he blames himself for wounding her, she must convince him that not all scars run as deep as he’d think... or do they?

everyone’s favorite number ➵ @supernaturalneurodivergentwolf

summary ➵ Y/N thinks of another way to release the tension that isn’t hunting.

shall we play a game ➵ @starksinner

summary ➵ Dean’s a demon — but you just want to bring him home. Will you play his game well enough to convince him to? Loosely based on 10x2. 

dance with me ➵ @bamby0304

summary ➵ The Mark is dragging Dean down... but you’re right there, reassuring and lifting him up with a gentle song that lets him hold you close and forget about his troubles for just a moment.

time for a little break ➵ @notnaturalanahi

summary ➵ Dean’s feelings for you are the only thing holding him to the ground, aware of it you decide to do something about it.

the mark ➵ @roonyxx

summary ➵ Dean is losing the battle against the Mark of Cain, will he lose you too?

the truth ➵ @kittenofdoomage

summary ➵ Y/N is a detective with nothing but her career. An intense case and a surprise ending lead her to an encounter she didn’t realize she needed.

torture ➵ @narcissisticmf

summary ➵ crowley holds y/n hostage and tortures her until she reveals the location of the winchesters.

sweet relief ➵ @wearywinchester

summary ➵ After finishing a late night hunt, the chaos settles for a little while before the next hunt begins.

dude I got a girlfriend ➵ @avanatural

summary ➵ Based on 12x11 “Regarding Dean.” Dean is progressively losing his memories. Sam calls Y/N to keep an eye on his brother. Dean has no idea who she is to him, and it turns out she doesn’t quite know, either. Or does she?

the kiss ➵ @sammysmaddy

summary ➵ Being a demon, Dean has gotten almost everything he's ever wanted, but he still hasn't reached the end of his bucket list. That all changes when he spots someone out of the ordinary at a bachelorette party.

angels and demons ➵ @ellewritesfix05

summary ➵ Every year, for the past 5 years, you and your friends would go out on All Hallow’s eve and drink until none of you could see straight. Or at least they did, you weren’t a fan though you always participated just for the sake of not being alone

cherry pie ➵ @cockslut-padalecki

summary ➵ Someone from Y/N's past finally comes back to pay her a visit.

watch this ➵ @ellewritesfix05

summary ➵ It’s been a while since Y/N has seen her ex-lover, Dean Winchester. Stopping by a bar for a quick drink, she runs into the green-eyed hunter except there’s something different about him — he’s traded those apple-greens for onyx peepers. Watch what happens when Y/N decides to give demon!dean a run for his money.

dean | new and improved ➵ @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

summary ➵ It's been two years since Y/N has seen Dean, two years since he walked out of her life. Now he's back and Y/N may be surprised to learn why.

how dare you ➵ @winchesterfanatic1967 

summary ➵ comforting dean after he finds out that his mothers working for the British men of letters.

just need you ➵ @apocalypseornaw

summary ➵ Half asleep you reached out looking for Dean's arm but wasn't really surprised when all you found was an empty pillow. You climbed out of bed slipping a pair of shorts on under your shirt and grabbing Dean's robe off the dresser before stepping out into the hall.

no rest for the wicked ➵ @natti-ice

summary ➵ Dean’s one year life contract is coming to an end, Y/N fears this will be her last chance with Dean

better than this ➵ @bi-bard

summary ➵ (Inspired by Better Than This by Set It Off; takes place in season 8) After his experience in purgatory, Dean knew that something had changed. The problem was admitting that and taking action to change it.

someone you loved ➵ @cockslut-padalecki

summary ➵ Y/N knows she’s the reason why she and Dean split but it doesn’t stop the pain from hurting any less.

touch starved ➵ @inlovewithfictionalcharacters666

summary ➵ Since you hugged Dean, that's all he thinks about. Now he just has to find the courage to ask you to do it again.

[italwayshadtobeyou]

For SPN Week 2022: Fav’ season première: 02x01, “In My Time of Dying.”

[avanatural]

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Welcome to my Dean x Reader masterlist! 😊

The Talk - smut, fluff, some humor, 18+ Jack catches Dean and Y/N while they're being intimate. The Nephilim has a lot of questions about what he witnessed, and Dean takes it upon himself to answer at least the most important ones.

Mini Date - angst, fluff Based on 12x22 “Who We Are.” Y/N vowed to herself that she’s done with meaningless hookups. And Dean vowed to himself that, when the time is right, he is going to give her more than that. But what happens when their time is running out?

I Don’t Mind - fluff, comfort, angst Four different hunts. Four shared motel rooms, four shared bathrooms, four shared beds. And four times that Y/N doesn’t mind getting closer to Dean.

Welcome To The Family - fluff Y/N recently moved to Lebanon, Kansas, where she met Dean, the man of her dreams. She wants to spend the holidays with him. But Dean, being a hunter, is hesitant about it. With some persuasion from his family, he reconsiders letting her be part of his life.

Being With A Hunter - angst, smut, fluff, 18+ In Purgatory, Dean tells Benny about the woman of his dreams – Y/N. Once he returns to the world of the living, he seeks her out, looking for comfort. Will his expectations be met after an entire year apart?

Just A Stomach Bug - fluff, angst, implied smut Y/N, Dean’s girlfriend, suffers from a stomach bug. Dean suspects that she could be pregnant. Suddenly, he finds himself confronted with the idea of starting a family. Is he going to be a dad?  

The Hookup Henley - angst, smut, fluff, 18+ Dean is struggling with the Mark of Cain. Y/N, his best friend, wants to make him feel better. Will she succeed? What happens when the mark takes over?

Unconventional - smut, fluff, angst, 18+ Dean and Y/N are on their very first vacation together. Unfortunately, Dean forgot his swim trunks at home. Y/N finds an alternative that leads to some fun for both of them.

Unfinished Business - major angst, some fluff, hints of smut Dean and Y/N spend a passionate night together and then go their separate ways. Two months later, they are finally reunited. However, many things were left unsaid and the dynamic between them has changed. Can they ever be the same again?

Something More - smut, angst, fluff, humor, 18+ Based on 11x04 “Baby.” Dean and Y/N are on a hunt together. When there is no motel around, they spend the night in Dean’s precious muscle car. They talk about secret dreams and fears. Will it turn into something more than a late night talk between hunting partners?

Guardian Angel - angst, fluff, implied smut, Daddy!Dean Based on 01x22 “Devil’s Trap” and 02x01 “In My Time of Dying.” Y/N is a hunter and Dean Winchester’s girlfriend. She joins the Winchester family in their battle against Azazel. After the car crash, she fears for her boyfriend’s life. On top of that, she finds out something that will turn her entire world upside down.

You Deserve The World - angst, fluff, implied smut, comfort Dean Winchester has gone up against monsters, humans, and even the Devil himself. But there is one enemy that he can’t defeat – time. As he notices that his age is starting to take a toll on his body, Dean wonders if his girlfriend will stay by his side.

Dude, I Got A Girlfriend - fluff, slight angst Based on 12x11 “Regarding Dean.” Dean is progressively losing his memories. Sam calls Y/N to keep an eye on his brother. Dean has no idea who she is to him, and it turns out she doesn’t quite know, either. Or does she?

Sweet Cheeks (complete) - angst, fluff, smut, 18+ Y/N occasionally hunts with the Winchesters. Dean has been wanting to make a move on her for a while now, and he could have sworn that she’s into him as well. But what happens when Dean finds out that his brother has a crush on her, too?

Thunder and Pouring Rain - smut, demon!Dean, 18+ Based on “Hells Bells” by AC/DC. Dean is a demon, and so is Y/N. They send a clear message to Crowley to make him stop trying to recruit them. Afterwards, they celebrate through a thunderstorm. They’re a match made in Heaven… Or Hell?

I do not consent to any of my writing being saved, copied, edited or re-uploaded to ANY platform!

[byronictrash]

so I was thinking about the whole hbo supernatural thing and all I could think was how it would fit in my major spn interpretation which is TRANSFEM SAM WINCHESTER!!!!

• changed her name to samantha for pure praticity

• is a lesbian, so all the romantic part is pretty similar to the canon, monsterfucking and all

• in which dean got a little confused about the distinction of gender ≠ sexuality at first like “wait but why did you become a girl if you like girls?” (he doesn’t know a lot of queer people, give him some time)

• AND SPEAKING OF DEAN! the biggest ally of all times. at first he doesn’t understand lots of stuff that seems obvious to sam (“why are you putting on a suit?” “dean we’re going to a small town, the case will be way harder if everyone is staring at me”), asks indiscrety questions (“can i ask you something?” “it depends” “you wanna chop your dick off?” “NO YOU CANT ASK IT”) but over time he starts to get it more naturally

• despite his numerous hook-ups, dean has never spent so much time in his life in a company of a woman so even the smallest things are extraterrestrial to him (“hey whats that bowl in the microwave?” “depilatory wax” “OH CMON SAMMY I WAS GOING TO HEAT UP MY DINNER THERE”)

• of course, there would be a scene where they met some hunter friend of john who says shit about sam, misgender her etc and dean goes FERAL, fist fighting with the guy and stuff. later sam yells at dean, saying she doesn't need dean to protect her and the argument would escalate to all the times that dean treated her in a condescending way, dean yelling back that dad said it was his job to take care of her and sam yelling even louder that dad would probably dead by now (in this moment all the lamps in their room (and in the street) simply explode, but they ignore. it was probably some short circuit…. right?)

• ok lets talk about john. still the same asshole, still gave a gun to kid who was afraid of the boogeyman, still tried to summon azazel when his son was in comma in 02X01 BUT now he also has a whole series of microaggressions with sam. she’s not stupid, she know the dad she has so doesn’t come out until she’s in stanford, SO john finds out sam is trans in 01X16 when john see sam after two years wearing a skirt and holding a .45 gun. he looks at her up and down and doesn’t say anything however, suddenly stops calling sam sam and starts calling her strictly samuel.

• it got worse after s1 season finale with the whole azazel possessed john > sam had the opportunity of killing azazel/her dad > couldn’t do it > azazel escaped > the winchesters get hit by a truck. when sam questions her father about being worried about the colt while his own son is dying, john explodes with her “you know samuel this is all your fault, once again you couldn’t just man up and pull the fucking trigger, kill the thing, you had to be same old sissy and chicken off, if your brother dies its his blood in your hands”

• aaaaaanyway, lets go back to our girl :D

• her style is kinda a mess. makeup done in a hurry, most of her clothes are mid skirts, hoodies and long dresses but now and then she spends a week wearing baggy jeans and band t-shirts, like dean’s, and no makeup at all. when he asks her “where is the whole angry teen outfit?” sam would simply respond its “because of the praticity, it’s tough to fight with a vampire in a dress lol” dean knows its because sometimes sam’s internalized transphobia ft repression gets loud

• her music taste is mostly grunge, punk and some alt bands she discover in stanford but dean call all of it emo “oh fuck off sammy, i let you drive once and you already put this emo shit” “dean this is literally nirvana, you cant call everything made after the 80’s emo”

• when she came out to bobby his reaction was literally “so now you’re a girl?” “uh… yeah” “gonna change your name or something?” “now is samantha but sam is still fine” “okay, now look this sigil... (and went back to the lore they were searching)”

• sam’s catholicism being more portrained on screen and how the dilemma of being a Christian and queer filled sam with religious guilty

• her paranormal powers also showed up sooner and since the beginning she knew something was wrong. her throat felt sore every time she recited the rituale romanus and holy water made her skin itchy. the older she got, the harder those “symptoms” became and with her denial, desire to be normal combined with religious guilt, it was easier to just convince herself that all this was just god punishing her for living in sin.

• surprisingly, all the demons and angels (and most of the monsters) even being assholes treats sam with the right pronouns

• which make sam and cas fist encounter even more interesting because cas literally turns to dean and go “is this your sister, samantha winchester?” “yeah” “ABOMINATION”’

• samruby second (cause the real first was ruby killing the seven deadly sins and stuff) encounter on the other side was a little more like "why are you following me?” “because youre tall and tall women are sexy as fuck” (then sam’s brain was short circuited for a sec because her height make usually makes her dysphoric)

• between s3-s4, dean still in hell, there would be a scene of one of the first times that sam drank blood to exorcise a demon with her mind. so here they are, demon tied in a chair and trapped in a trap, sam with blood all over her chin and ruby looking at her all heart eyes. Sam tries to do the exorcism but it doesnt work so ruby says sam needs more blood. Sam responds that shes nauseous and if takes any more shes gonna puke (cause you know voluntary vampirism came too natural in canon and that disturbs me) so the demon, who's wearing a cheerleader as a vessel, laughs and says "you know sammy, for real women blood tends to be a natural thing". ruby kills her on the spot.

• speaking of the catholicism (and the blood drinking) again, sam prays every single time before/after drinking demon blood, ruby mocks her for it but she doesnt care. its a weird feeling because even thinking that what shes doing is right, that she needs to get strong to kill lilith, it still feels bad, unholy in some sense.

• of course lucifer tempted her in s5 not only appearing as jess but also saying things like "why samantha, after all, are you willing to sacrifice yourself for a society that treats you like scum, that looks at you like a freak?"

• no need to say that in 05x04 "The End" episode when dean faces lucifer using sam as his vessel, she's wearing an outfit way cooler than that abbey-road-john-lennon-white-suit (to know what i mean search amanda seyfried 2018 met gala look THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!!!!!)

• even after being clean of blood drinking, sam still has some of her paranormal powers. she can't do exorcises with her mind anymore but she can move small objects with telekinesis (she doesn't do it in front of dean cause she knows it would scares the fuck out of him)

i also had a list of some episodes rewritten in this au but this list is already long, guess i'll post later

[samsoleil]

9 and 10?

ask game

V I am sending the most fond vibes in your direction I hope they make it there okay!!

10. Your favourite season and why.

Honestly? Either S2 or S11.

Season 2: Sam has psychic powers and Dean is terrified that his brother might actually be bad, but is still ride or die for him. This is where we can see their relationship flourish without the search for John hanging over their heads. But y'know what does hang over their heads? John telling Dean he'll either have to save Sam or kill him, and Sam who is desperate to be saved and willing to be killed. And then!! when Sam dies!!! Dean saves him in the worst possible way!!!! Also, it's visually gorgeous. You've got the high contrast vibes from S1 but slightly less desaturated and you've still got the grainy film texture. An excellent time.

Season 11: Listen. I still think it should have been Chuck sending Sam visions. And I don't particularly care for the B plot. But Sam and Dean peak in this season for the first time since pre-s4 and it was amazing. It's the immediate aftermath of Sam literally unleashing  "a force on the world that could destroy it" to save Dean. Codependency at its peak. And in two mid-season episodes they absolutely nail the S2 energy. I mean, establishing beyond any doubt that Dean loves Sam? And then making him think Sam is dead in the very next episode? Where Sam is also the dictionary definition of BAMF? Not to mention, Sam is just. so understanding of Dean and his messy feelings about Amara. Love that for them.

9. What episodes best encapsulates the brother’s relationship? Does this change throughout the series? Doesn’t have to be the best episode btw.

To answer the second question, the brother’s relationship very obviously changes throughout the show. It’s obviously very codependent from the get go (especially from Sam’s perspective! Literally unendurable), and it varies in toxicity. Some seasons they are very soft! Some seasons I want to shout at Sam to run for the hills and never return. And then there are some episodes in seasons where their relationship is literally awful that are wonderfully tender (like 08x21 when Dean says “You gotta let me take care of you, man���). 

Imo, S1-3 are peak brothers. S4/5 are excellent to watch but not the most tender. S6 is on thin fucking ice. S7-10 are, generally speaking, when I would absolutely be willing to kill a man (Dean), but are still SO compelling because these crazy kids are devoted and have no moral boundaries when it comes to the other. S11 is a return to the good stuff! I haven’t seen the seasons after that but from what I have seen, Sam becomes a Dean apologist and Dean just gets worse. But they’re still codependent, so that’s fine. “You were gonna leave and you weren’t even going to tell me?” and “What about me? Would you trade me?” are baller lines. Sam is a grown man but he’s out here saving the world by being Dean’s baby brother. Iconic of them.

OKAY so. First question. I originally had several episodes per season but I have to limit it to 2, this is going to be too long otherwise. Also, as you well know, I've only watched up to 12x06, so I won't include S12 here. 

Episodes (and explanations) under the cut!

Obviously, both 01x01 Pilot and 15x20 Carry On. Literally the perfect bookends for this show. I don’t need to elaborate.

01x05 Bloody Mary - Has the moment where Dean actually has an emotional conversation with his brother, because he’s switched on to Sam’s emotional needs. He was willing to let Sam blame him for Jess’ death so that Sam didn’t blame himself! And near the end it has the iconic line "You're my brother and I'd die for you." Dean, right? No! It was Sam!! Anyone with any sort of reservations about whether Sam cared about Dean in early S1 can refer to this episode. It’s episode 5!! of the whole show!! and it has that line!!

01x11 Faith - Sam has absolutely no regrets about someone dying to save Dean's life. In retrospect, this episode says a lot about how much Sam loves Dean.

02x01 In My Time of Dying - Sam can sense that Dean is there, either through psychic powers or because they are soulmates. Both are good. Also, Dean is told that he may have to kill Sam, which influences their dynamic for the rest of the show <33

02x21 All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1 - Dean, on his knees in the mud, telling Sam's corpse that it'll be okay and screaming his name. That is all. Also, after thoroughly chewing out a victim earlier in the season for selling his soul to save a loved one, Dean sells his soul to save a loved one. 

03x08 A Very Supernatural Christmas - Sam decorated a Christmas tree with pine air fresheners to give Dean a Christmas. Obsessed.

03x11 Mystery Spot - Dean dies repeatedly, then dies for good for about 6 months, and Sam becomes a ruthless hunter in order to bring him back. Dean spends longer dead in this episode than he actually does at the end of S4.

04x14 Sex and Violence - Dean's siren is literally just a version of Sam that is devoted to Dean and would do anything he says. 

04x22 Lucifer Rising - Bobby coming for Dean's life. The VOICEMAIL!! Dean acting as though them being family is a cure-all and saying he'll beat Sam up, but also apologising. I'll take it. And then, of course, the voicemail Sam hears, which is more or less what Dean said in 04x04, and that being what tips him over the edge. The edge, of course, being killing Lilith to avenge Dean’s death, which has been his quest since the end of S3. Excellent.

05x16 Dark Side of the Moon - Ohoho. This episode. You know why this episode is here.

05x22 Swan Song - Same as the above! Dean who doesn't have a plan, just doesn't want his little brother to die alone. Sam, who fights off the devil himself and (essentially) kills himself to save his brother and the car they call their home. That memory sequence, for me, gave Sam the power not to save the world, but to save his brother. The world was just a bonus.

06x11 Appointment in Samara - "Dean doesn't care about me, he just cares about his little brother, Sammy, burning in hell. He'll kill me to get that other guy back." Dean's anger at himself for screwing up and forfeiting Sam's soul was. a lot. Also, Sam begging for his life and Dean just continuing anyway? Horrific. But very testament to their relationship at this point. Dean wants Sammy back and he WILL kill this other guy to do it.

06x22 The Man Who Knew Too Much - Sam being right about the consequences of having his soul put back in. And "You know me. You know why. I'm not leaving my brother alone out there."

07x03 The Girl Next Door - I was tossing up between this and 07x02 but. this has some flashbacks to past Sam!! Unfortunately, it also has Dean punching Sam for using the Impala, the car they both rely on to get around. And Dean murdering Sam's childhood friend for killing rapists. This isn’t an episode that makes you think “Awh, they’re codependent!”, it’s an episode that makes you send Sam vibes screaming at him to get out.

07x14 Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie - Ever think that maybe Sam fears clowns because he associates them with being abandoned? Also, nostalgia vs reality.

08x09 Citizen Fang - The voicemail from S4 is still hanging over our heads. Dean asking “Does that sound like the Benny we know?” and Sam replying “I don’t know Benny.” Dean keeping Benny away from Sam because Sam is apparently the one who will kill monsters with no nuance or remorse. But this episode is on the list specifically because of how pivotal the line "Yes, I do – too well. In fact, every relationship I have ever had has gone to crap at some point. But the one thing I can say about Benny – he has never let me down." is in absolutely wrecking Sam's mental health down the road!

08x23 Sacrifice - For obvious reasons! “You know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down!” and then Dean’s speech of blatant lies. It sounded good, though. Dean really is that devoted, but unfortunately he has amnesia.

09x01 I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here - Autonomy violation. This is what advanced care directives are for. Dean being so dependent on Sam that he would violate his autonomy and trick him into consenting to possession. Dean will do anything to keep Sam alive, including destroy Sam.

09x16 Blade Runners - The parallels between Colette and Sam are unbearable. “Drop the blade.” Also, Dean becomes SO feral when Sam’s cheek gets cut.

10x19 Book of the Damned - Sam’s speech! “But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t….”

10x24 Brother's Keeper - Ahahahahaaa. Sam kneeling down in front of Dean and letting him kill him, if he wants. Dean not doing so. Please do not emulate this relationship in your real human lives.

11x04 Baby - Obvious reasons. Also, the perfect example of how these two communicate. Dean clearly states his opinion so that Sam has something to base his arguments around, and then Sam provides his perspective. That meta about how Dean and Sam communicate and how Sam is the major decision maker opened my eyes. Impeccable takes.

11x16 Safe House - The thing Dean loves being Sam (and Sam being genuinely relieved that it was!!). Sam propping Dean’s sleeping body against the fridge while saying “I got you! Stay with me.” Him cradling Dean in his arms and patting his head and Dean being SO confused but not fighting it.

11x17 Red Meat - Okay, I lied about the 2 per season thing, I just needed all three of these episodes. They are too good to not include. Dean joking to hide how scared he is for Sam? Being willing to let all three of them die just because he thinks Sam is dead? Attempting/committing suicide to try to bring him back? Sam fighting through immense pain to get back to his brother? This episode is so good. They are absolute lunatics (affectionate).

[monstermoviedean]

it's his heart. it's always his heart.

[sapphicrowena]

alex rewatches supernatural: a twitter thread

02x01: in my time of dying

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