#0/10 on the easiest fucking test

[piopionie]

its not easy being the lowest scorer in math but someone's gotta do it 😈

[charmedreincarnation]

Hey! I was hoping u could give me some advice.

So I’ve written a bunch of really important exams and I’ve really messed them up. Like left a good number of questions and failing these have serious consequences.

Im trying to maintain the state of having passed regardless of what the 3d shows me, but it’s kinda hard since everything and everyone around me is telling me otherwise and it’s kinda difficult to fulfill it in my imagination. Pls tell me how I can sail through this and get the marks I want?

Ok embarrassing story alert 🙃🙃

My freshmen year of college, I had all As, and then two horrible things happened the very last second.

The first thing that happened is while doing my vocabulary essays for history, I accidentally plagiarized one of my old assignments for something very similar. In college wether on accident or on purpose, and wether it’s to yourself or copying someone else’s work, plagiarizing is a huge no no, and can get you not only a failed class, but expelled from college. I live in America so we spend 10-25k per semester on school and expulsion is permanently on your record which affects your entry to other colleges. I got an email saying I had a board meeting with the council, and I about just spent 5 minutes doing the worst ugly crying I have ever done, while having a panic attack. I already have an anxiety disorder and this just about sent me into a clinical spiral. Then I remember manifesting and even through my ugly tears I just fell asleep affirming everything will be okay, everything will be okay. I had the board meeting and nothing happened to me?? It was almost like they forgot what I was there for. They just made me take an hour long anonymous class on plagiarism and that was all. It wasn’t on my record and I still got an A in the class 🥰🥰.

During my second semester again!! I had all As. In one of my classes in fact my highest grade class I had a 98% and we had an final essay due. two days prior I got sick as a dog!! I was asleep for 48 hours and missed the deadline for a 200 point essay! That’s right I got a fucking 0/200 On the assignment and when I emailed her explaining I was sick she just told me tough luck!! I Went from a 98% to a 68% because she made it worth 40% of our grade. She was also my only teacher who had a strict no late policy even if you’re almost dying (bastard!!) it was the worst luck and chance that it was this specific class. I ugly cried even harder than the first situation and I was sick too so it made it all that much worse !!!!

anyways I decided crying wasn’t going to do shit and I can solve this crisis just because I can and I don’t deserve to fail because of a sick mistake !! I had recently learned about revision so once again while ugly crying I just affirmed I have an A, I have an A, I have an A, and visualized her putting in a 100% in my grading portal until I fell asleep. Once again I woke up with a 200/200 even though I didn’t even submit the essay ???!!!!!

I don’t know if my desperation and crying heightened my affirmations or what but the easiest times I had with revision was my during my most desperate moments . I guess my advice to you is to just visualize yourself not missing those questions, and feeling slay after talking the test in your mind !then affirm to yourself you blew the test out of the waters (good way) and go to bed at ease because you’re going to be okay 🥰

[seven-cents]

dont like how the matryoshka logs were taking up so much space so I'm gonna copy and paste them here so can get rid of them

Day 1

Dear Devlog,

Today is day one of my long and mentally torturous journey. I am writing to you at the hour of 11am.

I have made minimal progress today. But important progress. Starting with setting up my normal preferences, running tests to get the ratio. Lame stuff, yknow.

I went on to outline many of the scenes and character sprites, there are quite a bit of them so it was arduous but thankfully my best friend, quentin, was here to help me out with a hip new video. His help will be invaluable throughout this timeframe. I love you quentinreviews.

I feel pretty good about how its going, and I'm sure as long as I don't sleep or do anything else for even a moment I'll be done in time. Easy peasy for me, the laziest most adhd person on the planet.

Word count: 0

I can only hope I can make it at least playable before the madness sets in.

Day 2

The madness has set in.

Dear devlog, I feel like a clown and not in the hot way. I got minimal sleep due to me being woken up at an unreasonable hour.

This morning I heard a crackling in my walls, like electricity behind my outlet. This was super concerning since I had a bunch of flammable shit near it. I immediately hopped up and started rearranging my entire room, moving all my canvasses and paint in boxes and whatnot, and in my cleaning I found what looked to be several tiny beads. The crackling had been a necklace I had on a shelf snapping and all the beads falling on the ground. Now I have to unpack everything.

I did however did get quite a bit done, though, 3000 words worth. Most of it is garbage that I'm going to rewrite like ten times but it's something.

Word count: 3,295

Day 3

Dear devlog,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

everything is a sick cesspit of misery

I got some sprites done tho. By done I mean they're NOTHIGN, but I will fix them later.

demon

Day 4

Didn't get any sleep last night! Had to do stuff today!

Yet, I'm still keeping up pace. With the power of a gallon of chocolate milk a day. HAHAHA.

now get in the hole cunt

Day 5

Dear Devlog,

I've grown to dislike these horrible paints. I have to use craft paints because they're not shiny. They're fifty cents each so I've bought maybe fifty of them. They're all brown and green. All I dream of is brown and green. I hate brown and green.

Who knows what I'll do with them when I finish.

Day 6

Gonna be hard times for the next few days. Won't be able to paint as much but hopefully I can make up for that in writing. Which is terrible because I only have a million paintings to do. Regardless, I can program and write at the same time. nbd.

Words: 4851

Day 7

I didn't update last night because I was so tired! and I had to take time out of my schedule for my weeping break.

The thing about this painting is, I hate it. Like it's way too late to change the colors or pretty much anything without losing a day. That's the problem with doing traditional art, I can't make tweaks without losing so much time. I'm on day 8, that's a little over a fourth way through and I'm looking at my checklist and I'm gonna throw up. But also it's okay. I'm moving things around to keep the important stuff first so some things may be cut.

Day 8

The name is starting to piss me off. I keep having to look it up to remember how to spell it.

I painted rats today.

Day 9

Wahoo! i finshed some painting. Some of the easiest but good enough. I want to get all of them through with by the twentieth so I can make alternates and then digitally edit them in the next ten days. I think I can have a scene and the menu done by today but who knows.

Day 10

couldnt do anything got too sick from pizza cookie

Day 11

look at this fucking bitch what the fuck is his problem

Day 12

I dont think i wanna paint ever again.

its like on every surface of my room. why am i like this why did i wanna do this. oh yeah, its my drive to be the best in the universe.

Day 13

People are gonna make fun of me for making a character look like a vagina. I KNOW I KNOW ITS SUPPOSED TO BE A VAGINA. you dont understand yuri.

Day 14

I've gotten most of the backgrounds almost done. I've got the sprites almost done. Well I don't have the hallway even remotely done because I just sort of forgot it was there. CGs need to be done. I've only got the sketches.

Day 15

ive watched all of adventure time painting these. now i need a new show.

Day 16

Yeah baby parts of the gui are done. Rats are done. That's all I really need right?

Day 17

behold. all my goddam sprites. there's at least fifteen. almost complete bitches.

Day 18

Have you ever seen a prettier textbox? No you haven't.

Day 19

I don't waaaaaaanna paint. I don't wanna do it. I don't wanna have to be like okay what colors should I use here if I fuck up I have to do everything over again. How many times do I have to paint the same thing. I hate painting AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Day 20

My goal was around 10000 words I'm like 9379 so like I'm almost there baby but it will probably be shorter. I might cut some things.

Day 21

8 days left. I have so much to do in eight days.

Day 22

ITS DAY 22

I stopped updating after this because i lost my cunting mind.

[holtbys-left-eyebrow]

tagged by the ever lovely @batsinurbelfrey almost a week ago but. i'm procrastinating my soil tests to stave off a breakdown so-

tagging @iknownothingabouthockey @mlmstyles @hoespill @lego-brick-cow and whoever else feel like sharin'

A - age: 22

B - birthplace: florida babey

C - current time: 9:15am. big time procrastination

D - drink you last had: the leftover can of mountain dew on my coffee table

E - easiest person to talk to: idk i just say shit to people whenever i feel like it but lately @murdereyesnicky's and i's dms have been absolutely wild

F - favorite song: of all time? "how did you love" by shinedown. however my top song for the month according to spotify is "one turns to none" by asking alexandria.

G - grossest memory: TW FOR SPIDERS DO NOT READ IF YOU HATE SPIDERS i'm putting this in a strikethrough so you can't easily read it but one time i was camping in florida with my grandparents and over the course of the night i went to the bathroom three times and the first two times there was a spider that i swear to god was the size of my 10 year old hand in front of the bathroom door and it had a fuck ton of babies on its back and then the third and final i went back to the bathroom i Did Not See the spider and i thought for sure it was going to be in our tent i'm still fucking horrified to this day it's been 12 YEARS-

H - horror yes or horror no: n to the fucking o

I - in love?: nah i'm too busy overanalyzing fictional war criminals on the internet

J - jealous of people?: sometimes. not proud of it but it is what it is.

L - love at first sight or should i walk by again?: walk by again i think i missed it the first - wait can you do it one more time? i wasn't - one more time -

M - middle name: basic white one. same as my grandmother's.

N - number of siblings: 0. but if we count the discord: many.

O - one wish: that my brain made a correct and balanced amount of chemicals naturally. fucker.

P - person you called last: one of my college besties (we were getting ice cream and i wanted to know if she wanted a cone or a bowl)

Q - question you are always asked: "do you dye it [your hair] yourself?" no i absolutely do not i have neither the resources nor the patience. i just sit in a chair for two hours and look at instagram.

S - song you sang last: "cause for concern" by lovejoy (it's that kind of morning)

T - time you woke up: 7:15am (did i get up right away? no)

V - vacation destination: i was supposed to go to iceland to celebrate my college graduation, but then we had a Panera, so now i'm hoping to go after college graduation 2 electric boogaloo (aka after i get my master's)

W - worst habit: i have GAD there's a lot of things i do that i wish i didn't

X - x-rays: uh like 5? less than 10. i've had injuries to both arms that required x-rays and casts. my arm bones are so fucked.

Y - your favorite food: the pickle pizza

Z - zodiac sign: aries

[nad-zeta]

Match up ^o^

May I request a Match up, please?

I’m at the part when I have to choose a route and I honestly don’t know/care. So I decided why not let some lovely internet stranger choose for me? Who do you think I would pair the best with?

I also noticed how much effort and detail you put into these so I decided that it was only fair to try to put in just as much effort in requesting. Or maybe I am just extremely vain so blabbering on this much about myself comes naturally (I also wouldn’t be too suprised if this were the case lol). Either way, I apologise for this getting so long. And without further ado, let’s learn about yours truly. Uh, yay?

I will start with my physical appearance because that’s easiest.  

First of all, I am rather tall for a woman. Pair that with the fact that I constantly wear boots with 8 centimetre or greater heels and I almost always cap out somewhere above 182 centimetres (that’s 6 feet in American). So yes. I’m not exactly the approachable type, on the account of my height and near constant resting bitch face. I always look pissed off at something (and to be fair, I usually am).

I am a brunette with boring brown eyes. Nothing of note there. 

I prefer to walk on my toes, for whatever reason. I also have great posture when I walk and these two factors always make it seem like I am floating. I’ve been told that I always seem very confident and self-assured. Which is complete bullshit because 90% of the time, I am winging it. 

I am a dancer (of sorts. More on that later), so I am rather slim and toned. This is literally the only aspect of my physicality that I am actually confident in. The rest of me can burn in hell for all I care. 

I am also very touch adverse. I hate the feeling of skin touching my skin it grosses me touch. However. There are a select few people in this world that I accept and enjoy hugs and cuddles from (and who I could snuggle with for hours). If I let anyone cuddle me that means I trust said person unconditionally and feel extremely comfortable around them. It’s essentially the ultimate statement of trust.

Onto personality.

If you can’t already tell, I have about as much dignity as a wet cat. I while I certainly do have an ego, it can be kind of difficult to bruise. Publically, I am absolutely shameless and don’t give two shits about what others think. 

I have a tongue of steel and can rapid fire the most atrocious insults and comebacks when provoked. I’m known for my venomous sarcasm and biting wit among my own circles. I have a line for nearly every single situation so one-liners have become my thing. Which works out for me because I am a huge flirt.

I’ll flirt with pretty much anyone regardless of gender, I don’t give a crap. To clarify, it’s not because I am an attention whore (okay, yes. I am a complete attention whore), it’s because I am a theatre kid so excessive eye contact and sexual jokes are kinda where I thrive. I am also not afraid to get questionably lascivious with my flirting if someone tries to out-pace me. I never blush, I never falter, and I never let anyone know that they got the better of me. It shows weakness. 

Despite my salacious façade, I am not inherently a sexual person. As a matter of fact, I am quite the opposite. I don’t experience sexual attraction (kudos to my asexual humans. I see you). This has rendered me practically immune to all charm, crushes, and sex appeal. It makes my life a lot easier, in my opinion. I don’t get too attached. I also enjoy messing around with the egos of fuck boys. 

As mentioned earlier, I am an attention whore. I love showing off because I crave validation (this could point to some deep seated insecurities about myself that I refuse to acknowledge…. Ahem). Being on stage as where I thrive. And yes, I am a dancer, as I stated earlier. But I am not your conventional prissy ballerina. I am a circus performer. More specifically, I’m an aerialist. I have covered trapeze, contortion (I am unnaturally flexible), lyra, and silks. It’s a lot of fun almost dying every day and finding bruises in the most questionable places (if you cant already tell, I am an adrenaline junkie. I took karate for the first dozen or so years of my life and have recently been searching for more weapons combat classes because apparently I don’t have enough bruises already).

I am not easily impressed. And I don’t give out compliments very often. And that includes myself. I can be unnecessarily hard on myself at times… most of the time. But then again, who isn’t? 

As for the side of me that isn’t stark-raving mad, I am usually a pretty objective person. While I have no qualms with discussing emotions (both mine and friend’s. I am a great listener and actually give pretty good advice when it comes to dealing with intense emotions). I tend to avoid letting them interfere with my logic. I look down on those who allow their emotions to dictate their actions. It makes them needlessly reckless. 

I am typically a pretty chill person. When I am among people I am unfamiliar with, I tend to stay quiet and try not to rock the boat too much (again, I won’t hesitate to unleash a severe tongue lashing upon any poor soul who happens to rub me the wrong way… Or just happens to exist. I don’t take shit from other people and I hate it when others try to control me. (I don’t play rough, I play smart). 

I really enjoy reading, writing, or drawing quietly. I can’t stand loud and excessive noises or people (parties, screaming, concerts). I am a true extroverted introvert. I love being the center of attention and chatting, but I need my alone time. People are exhausting to deal with. 

Because of my aversion to loud sounds, I tend to avoid typical dance parties like the plague. While I am very good with mingling and partying in general, I can only keep it up in short bursts before I have to retreat somewhere quiet. This is also the reason I greatly prefer the nighttime (if I had a choice I would sleep all day and only frolick around at night. I just love the dark. It’s comforting in a weird way). I also love the night because that’s when I get to sleep and just peace out on life. It’s kinda like non-committal dying.

I am near constantly on hyper-alert so I am not easily startled. When I do get startled, I have a tendency to squeak, yelp or growl. These noses are purely reactionary sounds but for whatever reason, my friends think that they are absolutely adorable and will go to great lengths to startle me just to hear me make them.

To counteract my friend’s malevolence, I have learnt to be super observant, especially when I feel threatened. Usually, I am caught up on my own world and thoughts. I have an imagination so powerful that I can trick my brain into feeling false sensations such as an extra limb or falling. I much prefer to spend my time in my head rather than our boring reality. But if I feel threatened, or think that another attack is imminent, I instantly become hyper aware. These moments of lucidity enable me to make certain observations others would otherwise be overlooked (for example. I was able to tell when my professor lost her wedding ring due to the discoloration around her ring finger and the habitual and near-constant worrying she did at it. I offered to help her look after class ^.^. I admittedly felt kinda smug when I saw her surprise.) Ironically enough, I like to refer to this mode of thinking as “Sherlocking”. I can be quite the detective when I really try. 9 out of 10 times my friends will come to me when they suspect infidelity, I am pretty good at digging up dirt. 

However, I have to make the conscious decision to do this, usually when I am trying to figure someone out or manipulate them into liking me. So this isn’t constant and usually I go about my day like everyone else, blissfully unaware of my surroundings.

Uhh, there is probably more I could cover but this is getting very long as-is and you are probably forcing yourself to get through my seemingly eternal ramblings. So I am going to stop here and go grab myself some food. 

Best of luck to you,

-November

Hi there love!<3 you sound like such a cool interesting person! ^_^ Hehehe I probs took so long with this match up that you already chose a new route lol! Anyways thanx for waiting soooooo long for this and I hope ya enjoy it love ^0^ ^_^

I match you with……………………… Masamune

Honestly, it was between Masamune and Mitsuhide for me lol but i eventually decided to go with Masamune 

The first time Masamune sees you, his eyes go wide in awe, like wow you are one tall fine lady! He has legit never met anyone so tall. After you were named as chatelaine, you stayed behind with some of the warlords to chat and get to know them better, you are after all going to be seeing their faces every day for the next 3 months. 

Right of the bat, Masamune is howling in laughter at the fact that you are way taller than Ieyasu. You, Masamune and Mitsuhide basically tease the poor porcupine for a solid 20 minutes. “My my I never expected such a scary-looking little mouse to be so bubbly and friendly.” 

Oooh, this boy just stared a war of wits. Today day was a good day cause your tongue of steel was rapidly firing witty words and sarcastic remarks at the resident kitsune. He almost couldn’t keep up, almost. Masamune was just standing there watching the whole scene unfold, you truly were going to be a lot of fun! Masamune decided to test out that tongue of steel of your and started firing some flirty pick-up line, while unbeknown to him you are the queen of one-liners, and have no shame when it comes lascivious flirting. Masamune, of course, never backs down from a challenge, and he was determined to make you blush. The conversation got so heated that it made even Hideyoshi blush on your behalf. You simply laughed and fired another one of your pick-up lines.

After the little chat in the hallway and a massive speech from mama bear for talking about things that were not PG13, cause of the kids *cough* Mitsunari *cough*, you and Masamune become quick friends. He had never met a woman before that was immune to his boyish wild charm, and handsome sexual appeal. Masamune was definitely popular with the woman, not as popular as Hideyoshi, but he was definitely a fuckboi. As surprised as he was, that his normal antics didn't work on you, his ego wasn’t dented one bit, it just made him more determined to get to know you. 

Masamune definitely finds your flirtatious nature attractive, especially when you managed to score the two of you free sweet bun just by flirting with the shop owner, he was, even more, shook when the shop owner was a woman, your flirtation truly knows no bounds. The two of you would spend loads of time together, just going out for tea and sweets while getting to know each other. TBH although Masamune would never admit it, he found it refreshing that you weren't just his friend simply cause he was hot or cause you wanted to climb in stations but because you actually liked him as a person. You and Masamune definitely made an unstoppable team when it came to banquets. The two of you would team up and start teasing everyone there. When you two cuties are together its always a good time with loads of laughter and banter

Masamune discovered that you like him, was an adrenaline junkie. He loved that he finally had someone around that would do stupid shit with him just for the thrill of it. The two of you would go out on adventures 24/7 jumping down waterfalls and hiking up cliffs. The two of you goofball would also dare each other to do the craziest shit. Like one-time Masamune dared you to jump off the castle’s roof onto your balcony, and you freaken did it, no questions asked. Or like the one time you dared him to put his head in Shogetsu mouth, mind you the little cub was now grown into a full-blown tiger

One day you and Masa went to go watch one of Mitsuhide’s undercover performances. The three of you were investigating a shady daimyo in one of the nearby provinces. The three of you disguised yourselves as performers and joined a circus troop as their new dancers. You were so excited, the stage is where you truly come alive. You had promised Masa to show him something that would shock/surprise him after he gave you the grand tour of  Azuchi. Today was the day, you had kept your dance and performances a secret from the two men, and now it was finally time to show them what you can do. You had 3 different performances planned. The first one was contortion. To say Masamune was shook would be an understatement he never knew anyone could be so freaken flexible, like wow. Your next performance was aerial dancing, his blue eye gleamed in delight, watching you move through the air so gracefully. If he wasn’t sure before he was sure now, this boy loved ya. But what really took his breath away was when you trapezed through the air, he was absolutely mesmerized at the way you flew through the air doing back-flips and other cool ass tricks. Masamune loved the look of pure joy on your face as you performed and after the show, you explained to him that you were a theatre kid back in the past. Mitsuhide definitely took note of your skills, and since that day you now accompanied him on most missions that required him to disguise himself as a performer.

Masamune loved everything about you at this point. Your overdramatic introvert/extrovert personality. The way you walked. Gosh, he loved the way you walked, it looked like you were an angel floating around wherever you went. He loved your banter and one-liner for every situation. And most of all he loved your hyper-alert side. Boy did he love to come up behind you to scare the crap outta you just so he could hear you squeak, yelp or growl. Like he lived for those adorably cute noises. And you somewhere along the line had fallen in love with the big idiot. He was always coming up with new fun adventures to go on or new fun things to do. He was one of those few people that could actually keep up with your banter

What was he most impressed with you may ask, well you Sherlocking skills of course. One day there were rumours of some super shady daimyos visiting Azuchi. Word on the street was that they were planning on stealing Mitsunari report to make the poor angel look bad. Mitsuhide was away sorting out some other plots and schemes, so it was now up to you to use your skills, to save the angel. You used your detective skill to gather evidence, and since your inner circle knew you were from the future, you were planning on catching them in the act and filming them for evidence. Masamune was always up for an adventure, so he acted as you own personal Watson. The two of you hid while watching the whole scene unfold, once they left the room the two of you came out. “What do you think they are going to do with the report lass,” he asked while his blue eye gleamed in delight. “Hmmmmm, I believe they are going to burn the evidence in the forest” you replied in your best British accent. Masamune couldn’t help but laugh. The two of you made your way to a secluded part of the forest and spotted them making a fire. Masamune looked at you curiously “How did you know they were going to be in this exact spot.” “Elementary, my dear Masamune.” He couldn’t help but burst out in laughter you really were a super fun kitten. Unfortunately for the two of you, they heard you guys laughing behind the trees and before you knew it, the two of you were surrounded. One of the men had a sword right at your throat ready to cut you open, that is when you shocked them by not backing down from the fight, you hit the sword away with one of your own gifted to you by your dearest one-eyed dragon. “ Point that sword at me one more time and i’ll slash your Achilles’ tendons, and TBH given the medicine situation of this time, no one would know how to fix your injury, so I hope you like hobbling around on one leg for the rest of your life cause that is what will happen.” These men were shook; meanwhile, Masa was next to you howling in laughter, “She’s not joking boys, this lass delivers on her threats.” You had never seen grown men run away from a fight so fast. You and Masamune picked up Mitsunari’s report that had fallen on the ground during the commotion and walked back hand in hand

You didn’t really like skin touching skin, but TBH you definitely like the warm feeling of Masamune’s hand warmed around yours. The two of you had come to fall in love with each other, and it wasn’t long before you two cuties entered into a relationship. Despite both of you being adrenaline junkies, both of you also loved your quiet times. Often you would sit together in his manor each doing your own thing. You would read and write, and Masamune would sit at his desk pretending to work (Cause admin is so freaken boring). 

The two of you would have the best time together during banquets you loved being the centre of attention and would chat with everyone, but as the night would progress you would start feeling a bit drained and that’s when the one-eyed dragon would swoop in, pick you up and takes you to a quiet corner where the two of you cuddle and snuggle together.

He would spoil you rotten with the most amazing food, he would basically, cook anything your heart desires just to see that beautiful smile on your face. His heart would always burst with affection whenever he cuddles and kiss you, he knew that the fact that you allowed him to cuddle you was the ultimate statement of trust between the two of you.

Often the two of you cuties can be found causing mischief and giving Mamayoshi more grey hairs or cuddled together sharing stories of your day

Other potential matches............... Mitsuhide 

Hope u enjoyed it dear @november-solarstorms

[hegglespeggles]

How to write an essay you could not care less about in 10 steps

Hello. I have an essay to write.

I am also, (unfortunately) the kind of lazy, apathetic burnout who will only do my FUCKING work if I get really worked up. Usually that ends up meaning all of my papers are spite-fuelled tirades but my profs seem to like them so fine. I hope you find this particular raging tirade useful.

Today, I would like to educate the 4 of you that will actually see this on a fine art I have perfected over the years. Writing a paper, about which, you do not give a single, solitary, crumb of a fuck about. This is (you may have guessed) and excellent way for me to procrastinate doing a paper that *I* do not give a single solitary crumb of a fuck about. For best results, I recommend doing this NIGHT-BEFORE-PANIC like, a week in advance so you can fix all the NONSENSE that your more reasonable brain will undoubtedly find. But if it’s the night before and you are shit outta luck, this will get ‘er done. And with practice, you can even pull good grades outta these bitches.

 Dissociating? I gotchu. Woke up the day of the deadline to feel like absolute utter garbage? Search no more friends.  

  FAILING GRADES ARE BETTER THAN ZEROS JUST FUCKIN DOOOOOO ITTTT

1.    Go get the prompt.

I fucking mean it. Even if you are like 1000% sure you know what the prompt is asking, go to the FUCKING assignment, and copy that shit into your word document. Got the assignment on paper? TYPE THAT SHIT UP MOTHERFUCKER.

(Do you see what I fucking have to deal with)

Boom?

BOOM.

Congratulations, you now have a document, and whats more, there are WORDS in it!! You aren’t starting from scratch anymore kiddo. Fringe benefit, you always know EXACTLY what the assignment wants because its fucking Staring You Down. Not saying you have to do exactly as it says, mama didn’t raise no BITCH and I aint scared of fuckin CALLING PROFS OUT but if you wanna break the rules you gotta know what they are first

(Disclaimer: I have also been kicked out of class on numerous occasions for fighting with the prof and had full classes where the lecture WAS me arguing so maybe take my opinions of conformity with a grain of salt.)

2.    Math THE FIRST

I know, this is an essay and not a fucking calculus test. But some of this shit is USEFUL OKAY

Take the paper in question. How long does it have to be? Mine is 5 pages. A page is generally accepted to be 250 words (double spaced because we FUCKING LOVE OURSELVES) so 5 x 250 = 1250 wds. That’s the goal. That’s the pinnacle. That’s your new holy grail.

Time to split this bitch up

  3.    Yarrrrrr, CONTENT

And finally, we get to the part that is the reason why you are being an absolute bitch baby about this essay (maybe. I might be projecting. Your life is your life and im sure youre doing your best.) I Hate this part, but now with our magic number we don’t need to pull 5 pages out of the ether.

This part really requires you to know your vibe. Is this something that you have a lot of little opinions (read: evidence) about or like, only 2 or 3 big bois? Look deep into your soul and figure out which is the easiest for you to shit out, a rant or a list. a  great way to do this is to WRITE ANYTHING YOU GOT OUT

Here you can see I’ve put all of the thoughts I have about the question into a list, slapped some standard “opening” and “closing” shit around it so I can FUCKING FIND IT AGAIN and given it a good hard look. Whats the common thread in all of my opinions? That the prompt is fucking stupid and makes no sense is asking 2 different questions. Congratulations: you found your thesis. This essay, like many of my essays, bears the thesis “this is a weird question to be asking” (which falls under my broader category of “bitches aint shit” essays.)

Congratulations you have the bare bones of your skeleton.

  4.    MATH THE SECOND

 The magic number returns. All hail our glorious leader. 1250 right?

So heres how I break this down. Break off a small chunk at the beginning. For this essay im gonna split off the 250. Split that baby in half. Congratulations, now you have a word count on your opening and closing. Personally, I know I like a lil extra space at the end to get all ranty, so Imma split this puppy up 100 for my opening and 150 for the closing. WARNING: You will think that you will be able to write enough in your opening and closing to take up lots of space. You will feel the urge to give them both the same amount of words that you give your points. This is misguided and foolish. Not only will you 1) not be able to do it but 2) even if you did, that’s like getting a sandwich which is all bread. No one wants that. Don’t be that dude. Fight the urge.

 RIGHT SO. We’re still left on the other 1000 words.

If you have an idea that like, is bigger than the others, go ahead and give that puppy more of the word count than the others, fractions are your friend here and you wanna think about how much of your final product each of these babies will be. If you, like me, are an utter buffoon with no clue what youre doing, open your calculator up. Divide the remaining word count by the number of points you have. Congratulations. Youre doing the essaying.

If this is enough to get you started, GREAT! See you at step seven. BEFORE YOU GO I would like to give you this tip

5.    CITE YOUR INFORMATION AS YOU ADD IT IN.

It doesn’t need to be a full citation, just literally a footnote with something that will help you remember where its from and for the love of god WHAT PAGE IT IS ON. The you of 3 hours from now will thank you.

  6.    Filling in the skeleton

 I don’t know about you, but I cant exactly riff off of a single sentence. Like, I know what the VIBE of my point is, but like, I cant pull it out of a hat. The name of the game here is whittling down your arguments into thinner and thinner chunks that are easier and easier to bullshit. This is how you avoid that “burning building found in flames during Brooklyn fire” bullshit that memes. You don’t wanna meme. You wanna pass. So, figure out what the things you are gonna say and in each bit, keep track of how many words you are gonna write. EITHER

a)      You put how many words you think you can write on any point beside the point as you go and just keep developing points and shuffling word counts around until it matches the total for that section

or

b)     You evenly breakup the word count between all the points and keep breaking them down until you look at a subject and a word count and go “yeah that’s doable. I can do that.”

I prefer the second so LEGGO.

Ta-Da!

7.    Write ‘er up

Ahhh glad to see we’re all back together again. Try-hards who can ACTUALLY bullshit papers, glad to see you’ve rejoined us! This is the part where you take all that shit you’ve broken up into nice little chunks and you turn it into something worth reading. You can do it. I believe in you. Try and keep your citations in place.

I like to do this as a question answer thingy, like an exam, so halfway through writing mine is gonna look like this

 The handy part about the numbers is that it gives you a frame of reference for how your bullshit is going. Realized you had a lot more to say here than you thought? Dope! Less bullshit somewhere else, take it out of a weaker point. This point didn’t give as much as you thought it would? Split the difference elsewhere! This way you have checkpoints and you can see how your essay is going

And then you can go ahead and delete your skeleton work. Its time. Its served you well. For extra drama, whisper menacing nothings to it as you send it into the darkness. Personal favourites include “no one will mourn you,” “your fate belongs to me,” and “so this is what you have come to”

  8.    Citations

Theres like a million ways out there to find out how to do your citations and its gonna depend on what kind of a paper you are writing. I use Chicago most of the time, including here. My advice? Use a site like, bib.me or something to do your bibliography, and then plaster that in the bottom of your document. Use that as the building blocks to do your footnotes. Let Purdue Owl be your guide. Purdue Owl Style Guide Is A Mighty Friend Indeed.

 Also your welcome for that, “putting the page numbers in as you put the info in” shit. That took me alarmingly long to figure out. It’s a wonder theyre giving me a degree.

  9.    Proofread that shit, ya bougie bitch.

If you wanna be time effective, getting a friend to proofread while you do your citations is a great way to go. If you have a few days, put your paper away and come back to it. If you are out of friends and time then https://www.paperrater.com/ is your last hope.

  10.       Slap a title page on that shit and GET IT SUBMITTED

 No joke, I have been using the same template for a coverpage all through highschool and my undergrad. There is only one title page and every time I write an essay I take the title page from the last paper I wrote. There is no beginning. Only title page. Title? Topic of paper: point of paper. For example, If I had to title this screed I’d call it Essay Writing: An exploration of mediocrity. slap the date and your name and the course and instructor on there and BAM. YA DONE.

 Anyway submit that shit an go to bed youre done goodnight

EPILOGUE

I’ve gotten this essay back, and when I wrote it, I was barely a human being. Barely capable of human speech let alone a coherent argument. I would forget the end of the sentence by the time I typed out the beginning. But I still for a 70%! is it the best mark I’ve ever gotten? no! but it is a hell of a lot better than the 0% I would have gotten if i hadnt done this. I get it. And i hope this helps. 

[kroelkip]

A to Z meme tag

A to Z meme tag

Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

No one invited me to do this tag, but @wispelturigheid​ technically tagged me sort of, so yall get this spam on your dash because i have a slow day at work 

A - Age: 22 and a half!

B - Birthplace: Ridderkerk, Netherlands

C - Current time: 1:06

D - Drink you last had: vanilla coke 

E - Easiest person to talk to: @wispelturigheid​. she reads my mind, i dont even have to talk/ type anything she knows all. fucking heks. 

F - Favorite song: Florence + the machine - All this and heaven too. 

G - Grossest memory: I have lots and lots of gross memories. the grossest one that comes to mind is a leg of a patiënt that was slowly rotting away.  another gross memory involves projectile vomiting.

H - Horror yes or horror no: oeh i love me some horror comics.

I - In love?: yep

J - Jealous of people?: a tiny, tiny bit.

L - Love at first sight or should I walk by again?: please walk by again stan

M - Middle name: Leanne. Sara is actually my first name.

N - Number of siblings: two younger brothers

O - One wish: not to have the brca  genestuff. I have a 50% chance of being a carrier and ill get tested soon. brca causes a huge risk of developing ovarian cancer early age, and I really want to keep my ovaries. 

P - Person you called last: one of my patients

Q - Question you are always asked: did you forget to take your meds? 

R - Reasons to smile: reasons for me to smile: I got my shit together after all these years. I have a job (but still need a second job), a house a partner and a pretty bright future. reasons for other people to smile:lidl heeft weer perenijsjes!!!! 

S - Song you sang last: johnny flynn + laura marling - the water

T - Time you woke up: 6:00

U - Underwear color: its my black star wars underpants

V - Vacation destination: just bought a home, so all of my days off + money goes to making it a home this year. I’ll also be going to jera on air for a couple of days 

W - Worst habit: I cant be a bit of a nasty bitch to stan, especially when I am PMSing. 

X - X-rays: the last one  i had was taken of my elbow which I broke doing my first drop in on a skateboard half a year ago. 

Y - Your favorite food: lasagne, pea soup.

Z - Zodiac sign: Leo

Tag 10 people: @knappeknaap​ 

[bontu-the-fabulous-side]

Reki, the History of Kamigawa - As Casual as a Competitive Deck Can Get

FULL DECKLIST

Hi there! My name is Bontu-The-Fabulous, or Mereth. I’ve been playing EDH for about 5 years now. Reki, by far, is not only my favorite deck, but by far my best.  It started when I first got into the game. Our school had an unblocked deckbuilder site, called tappedout, and while browsing it I found an early version of this deck. it was simply called Mono Green legends, and it had Reki at the helm. 

Essentially, Reki was the first ever commander I wanted to build. However, it ended up being eight and a half tails, as Reki as a deck is actually a bit pricy for a 15 year old freshman. 

Last year, however, I decided I finally had enough to start building, and around a year and half later, Reki is 99% complete, and it’s time to share why I love this deck so much, along with my list. I will remind you- This isn’t a cheap deck. I’ve never put more effort into a single MTG deck in my life, and this deck is my pride and joy. You can easily build a much cheaper version on a budget, and hile it won’t be as consistent, it worked for me for a while!

WHO IS REKI?

Reki, the History of Kamigawa is a 1/2 Human Shaman legendary that draws you a card whenever you cast a legendary spell. On the surface, this ability seems alright, nothing too special- And that’s what I initially thought. Then, I tested the deck, and immediately understood what Reki was. Reki is not only one of the best draw engines in the entire game in my opinion, but the way you play him in a deck is so fun and different than other decks that it creates a unique, interesting deck. Think Azami, but for Legendary Green spells. Reki himeself becomes a card that makes sure you always have a full hand. When you cast a legendary, you draw a card. If it’s legendary, you cast it again. And again. He gets out of hand fast. 

WHY NOT SISAY? This is the first question people ask me about this deck. Sisay is probably a better version of this deck, however, Reki is actually better and much diferent than you would think in a few different ways. Firstly, he costs less- This is important, as it means you get your engine up a full turn sooner. Secondly, Reki as a commander works differently- Sisay searches for Paradox engine and then wins. Reki? He draws his entire deck out in a turn or two. While Reki is searched out in Sisay, it takes an extra two turns- One to cast Sisay, and one to search for Reki. Reki, this time, is here sooner and the engine is harder to get rid of, as he can simply be recast. If he dies in Sisay? Too bad. Finally... I think he’s more fun. More variety, and the deck is much different- Mono green legends is a fun ass deck!

THE STRATEGY The strategy of this deck is quite fun. Your goal is to ramp and play big legendary spells every turn, normally at least two or three until the mana you are producing hits such a level that you can draw literally around 20 cards in a turn, and play every single one of them. Around 40% of the deck is legendary spells. 44 cards, to be precise, not including Reki. That means around half of the cards you play immediately replace themselves, and that’s including other sources of mono green draw in the deck. 

WINCONS Now this is a fun part. Originally, there was only one win con in this deck, and that was get a big enough board to kinda jut murder everyone at the same time. While that is still a major win con, everything changed when the fire nation attacked. 

This card make Reki viable in competitive play, if only a little bit. This deck runs a LOT of mana rocks, and things that aren’t technically rocks that use this very well. Essentially, this LEGENDARY artifact gave Reki a fighting chance in competitive places. This card will be the easiest and quickest way to win, though not the funnest. 

This is the funnest. I own a FOIL ONE (It looks so pretty), and Helix Pinnacle is no joke. I spoke before about how much mana this deck produces, and I wans’t kidding- I’ve been able to get this card consitantly. I’ve been able to generate this much mana in a single turn. Without going infinite. A mix of Nykthos, mana doublers, and a very specific and powerful mana rock I will speak about soon. This card can snatch a game before anyone sees it coming. Only 100 mana. 

Why go infinite (Near) with Paradox engine, why go big and play a pinnacle, when you could just generate so many big cards in a turn and drop this baby to punch everyone at the same time? Akroma’s Memorial is a card that once it hits the board ends the game. In a time where you’re just playing cards and drawing them, this card ends the chain with a GG. 

The same effect as Akroma, however, this card just makes your board massive. not only that, but it’s a great mana sink. 

THE LEGENDARY CREATURES I would love to sit here for the next 2 hours and write about every legendary in the deck. Maybe I will, one day, but there’s 44 legendary spells in this deck. I’ll list all of them, with the most important ones at the beginning. Each and every legendary in this deck has value, meaning, it’s not just a vanilla creature. Here we go! I’ll list the most important ones with text on why it’s busted. 

Hope of Ghirapur Ghalta, Primal Hunger Hazoret’s Monument Hua Tuo, Honoed Physician Jolrael, Empress of Beasts Sachi, Daughter of Seshiro (8 mana on a four drop creature. Remember, Reki is a Shaman. One of the best legends in the deck because of this.) Yeva, Nature’s Herald Heroes’ Podium  Jugan, the Rising Star Hall of Triumph Oath of Nissa Rhonas’s Monument Rishkar, Peema Renegade Selvala, Heart of the Wilds (Strongest mana dork in the deck, can provide draw as well) Sword of the Animist Predator, Flagship Mox Opal (Literally 0 to draw a card and a mana rock. Hands down the best card in the deck due to the sheer... Holy fuck it’s a 98 card deck.) Oviya Pashiri, Sage Lifecrafter Planar Bridge Sakiko, Mother of Summer Nissa, Vital Force Hammer of Nazahn Nissa, Vastwood Seer Skyship Weatherlight Dosan the Falling Leaf (Play this first on your big turn and you win.) Bow of Nylea Skysovereign, Consul Flagship Polukranos, World Eater (Mini win con with enough mana.) Helvault Alhammarret’s Archive (This doubles your power. One of the best cards in the deck.) Akroma’s Memorial Growing Rites of Itlimoc Garruk Wildspeaker Omnath, Locus of Mana (Don’t have enough mana this turn? You will next turn, along with a dead player!) Garruk, Primal Hunter Paradox Engine Nylea, God of the Hunt Patron of the Orochi (Doubles your mana) Vorinclex, Voice of Hunger (ALSO doubles your mana) Ulamog, the Ceaseless Hunger (Oh) Kozilek, the Great Distortion (Oh no) Ulamog, the Infinite Gyre (Oh no...) Kozilek, Butcher of Truther (Please no more...) Emrakul, the Promised End (Dear god why) And that’s that. You’re probably either done skmming over the list and missing half of the cards, or you’re in shock of how much this deck was. Now then, I will remind you, I’m missing a few cards. I don’t ACTUALLY have a Mox Opal, as it’s 80, but I’m working on it. Not only that, but an Azusa, Lost but Seeking as well.  That list is preeetty intense. I encourage you to read over it again, because there are some scary things in that list.  God, what about the Non-Legendary Spells? Glad you asked! There’s a total of 21 spells that aren’t legendary, and all of them are either draw, remval, or ramp. Most are ramp. Let’s talk about the most important ones... Starting with, hands down, the best and most important card of the entire deck. 

This card is nucking futs. In a single game, I’ve hard this 3 drop artifact produce more than 5 mana by turn 5 by itself. Late game? Upwards of 10, 15, even 20. It’s too powerful. Think about it. Legendary permanent... Well, there’s Reki. Your planeswalkers. Your legendary artifacts, enchantments... 44% of yoru deck just became tap, add 1. Have fucking fun. So, basically, eery legendary card in your deck, is now: Tap add 1, when you cast this draw a card. And I’ll remind you... This doesn’t care about summoning sickness. Everything you cast adds a mana to your pool. 

Cloudstone is fantastic in this deck. In the legendary pool, there’s actually a lot of low cst cards that do things- This card essentially allows you to return them to hand to cast again to draw a card. Hope of Ghiraur is the best in the deck for this. Going Oviya Pashiri and Hope is utterly busted,as it becomes 1 to draw a card. You can, also, of course, recast an Ulamog or Kozilek. 

This card not only is a mana doubler, but it ALSO draws you cards. Reki just got even better. 

Wow, a card that protects Reki, AND increases your mana for a turn? NICE!

Who needs things like Akroma’s Memorial when you got this baby?

What else? That’s pretty much it! I didn’t mention a lot of the random ramp or removal in this deck as it’s self explanatory. Go ahead and grab the tappedout link below to test this deck out for yourself, and see how wild it is! Once again, my name is Mereth, and this is my favorite commander of all time. I hope you enjoyed reading about this random commander. 

Have a nice day!!

FULL DECKLIST!!

[frog-chemicals]

Green, Blue, Cinnamon, Periwinkle, Blush, Indigo, Fuchsia+Copper (Yes, both of it XP), Honeydew, Coral, Umber, Razzmatazz, Arsenic, Saffron, Timberwolf, Plum, Chartreuse and Burgundy 😊💖 and a bonus, from the 'homestuck ask meme' >> John, Roxy, Dave, Karkat, Terezi, Feferi ✨

Green: I think you’re cute.:0 Thanks. I think you’re a really great person too!

Blue: You’re my Tumblr crush. KJHGSGAKDHAKYES??????

Cinnamon: You’re a really cool person and I admire you from afar.

You’re like. Really awesome too??? We should really hang out some time! Or at least talk. We probably live in totally different countries so.. Yeah!

Periwinkle: You make me laugh You’re welcome! Also same :DBlush: Seeing you on my dash makes my day a little better. I’ll literally go “CV! CV! CV!” In my head like a huge idiot whenever I see you’ve liked a post. Very mutual feeling

Indigo: I’ve been following you for a while. Yeah! We’ve been mutuals for like… 3 months? I’m pretty sure you’re one of the only people who still interacts with me after that long. Fuchsia+Copper: Your content is gold/trash (and I love it).Definitely agree on that one

Honeydew: I want to call you by a nickname. There’s no way it can be shittier than anything my irl friends have come up with. Also you seem like a way too nice person to give shitty nicknames so I’m not stopping you!

Coral: You’re a meme. 👌👌👌👌

Umber: I want to know more about youWe should totally talk sometime!

Razzmatazz: I would share my favorite food with you.I take this as a big compliment because I either have people come to eat my food during lunch (only one person has succeeded and she never brings food herself so.. Can’t let my friends starve) or I’ll try to steal the food of people’s plates during dinner

Arsenic: I don’t know how to describe the way I feel about you. Fair. I don’t know how to describe myself either. Mainly “What the hell is this” tbh. You on the other hand. I also don’t know. You’re really great though.

Saffron: I love your ideas.How. What. Which ideas? I literally can’t remember having any sort of good plans

Timberwolf: I trust you.I honestly don’t know if I should say “Horrible idea” or thank youPlum: I’d like to chat with youHell yes. Let’s do this

Chartreuse: You’re my homie. Awww yeeeee.

Burgundy:I get excited when I see your posts.If you count seeing stuff getting liked. Big same

Bonus!:

John: Do you believe in ghosts?Fuck yes. There’s been so many things that could probably have a logical explanation but “ghost” is by far the easiest.

Roxy: What’s your all time favorite video game.

Honestly I have no clue. The only games I’ve actually been able to play myself lately have been Minecraft and Hiveswap because I don’t have anything but my crappy laptop (and an iPad) that I can use to play games on and the fact my mom refuses to buy 9/10 games for me. I also watch a lot of people playing games that I can’t so I can still enjoy them so that just adds on a whole lot. Just like I’ve said about characters in a previous post everything has its ups and downs to take into consideration. Also I’m very bad at deciding on things

Dave: What’s your favorite genre of music? I don’t really listen to a lot of music but whenever I get the chance it’s a kinda mixed up soup of stuff that sounded nice. At the moment I’ve mainly been listening to stuff like gorillaz, tøp, p!atd, etc. My dad also stated the tradition of waking me up by playing music from when he was younger which has also brought some pretty cool stuff.

Karkat: What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? Probably a day? I’m usually told to go to sleep whenever it’s late so I haven’t really been able to stay up at my full extent. It’s not really a great plan to test out though…

Terezi: Do you have a strong leaning towards justice? It depends on the situation. I’ve experienced a lot of people doing stuff that isn’t fair. I guess a quick example could be one of my teachers who send out a kid because HE wasn’t keeping to the rules. That rule being everyone respects everyone. He would call kids by their last name (not standard over here) and went they asked for him not to do so. One of my friends is very touchy about his last name because of his relationship to his father and he absolutely HATES as much as hearing it. The teacher ignored their requests and told them to leave class when they objected to getting called by their last name. He wasn’t even being respectful with the last names. It was like we were prison inmates or something. In these kinds of situations screw the teachers. They might be “above” us but they still need to keep to the rules like everyone else. Now I’ve just gone on another short rant. Sorry. I’m not really sure where I was going with that anymore but in a nutshell: Justice is different in everyone’s eyes

Feferi: Do you have any pets? Yes! My cat Watson. He’s more like a brother to me in all honesty seeing how my parents got him when I was 3-ish. Also one moment he can be the sweetest cuddle buddy while the other moment he doesn’t want to know about your existence. I used to have rats but they sadly don’t live very long. I think I’ve had around 8 in total. Not at the same moment though. They were always in pairs though since rants are group animals and always need a buddy. I had a mouse named Roxy for 2 days. She was a wild mouse that I managed to catch and put in a box. Then she escaped again and made more mice in the walls. Only really mentioning this because 10 year old me already had that name in mind

[shutupandblog]

cute tags

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? // more milk! 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? // YES OMG YES. 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? // forks, notes, socks....anything I find in that moment... 4: how do you take your coffee/tea? // tea: just with water. coffee: flavoured creamer.... 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? // YEAH. 6: do you keep plants? // my mom forces her plants onto me so I have unexpected children to take care of. 7: do you name your plants? // no, I'll feel bad if I forget their names. 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? // songwriting 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? // sing out loud, man. but yeah. 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? // fall asleep on back easiest but wake up on my side. 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? // innovation at its finest, man. 12: what's your favorite planet? // saturn 13: what's something that made you smile today? // finding some of my old songs and realizing that they're not ALL lost. I was a genius in 2014 and backed it up on usb wow 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? // open concept omf hit me with the natural light and big windows. no walls. big kitchen. no curtains. piano. hardwood. pictures in frames. 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! // "The Apollo astronauts' footprints on the moon will probably stay there for at least 100 million years." Source: https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&ved=0ahUKEwji75-ZwYXXAhWqxFQKHSroDssQFggxMAI&url=http%3A%2F%2Fmashable.com%2F2014%2F03%2F05%2Fsun-stars-space-facts%2F&usg=AOvVaw2BqM1yEL36GBccqMtEtOWs) 16: what's your favorite pasta dish? // i don't normally eat pasta so every time i see pasta i'll take anything. 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? // grey and lavender. 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. // 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? // i keep a lyric dump journal! 20: what's your favorite eye color? // GREEN 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. // my navy backpack was with my throughout high school and ib and i'm still using it in uni, so it's been to hell twice. 22: are you a morning person? // hell no 23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? // listen to all my cd's and find new artists...song write...listen to more music... 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? // yes 25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? // lol none 26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? // threw them out yo 27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? // banana  28: sunrise or sunset? // sunrise 29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? // my one friend has a habit of crossing her legs and tapping her foot that’s in the air when she listens / hums music and it’s sO CUTE. 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? // yeah. my mom went through a rough time and I hated being awake. 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. // in general: no socks. Weird socks are cool. I usually take off my socks as soon as I walk in through the front door. If I wear songs, they’re ankle length. Can’t do anything higher than that. I hate tights, I don’t do tights. 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. // i literally think we woke up at 4 to watch MAMA 2015 together. 33: what's your fave pastry? // i have no idea....bread pudding served on pie crust and ice cream? 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? // it’s gone. but it was called bonsai and it was a giant ass panda and i miss it. I had to get rid of it because we were moving and its head got ripped off. Or, ripped in half should I say. 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? // I love them but I never indulge in it!!! alkjngakjdfd 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? // my mood right now? omg bts - wings. 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?  // messy. 38: tell us about your pet peeves! // wet bathroom floors, getting my socks wet, sweaty in the winter, when people touch my things and don’t put them back where they are supposed to be so i can’t find it ugh, touching people’s food while doing dishes (SCRAPE YOUR PLATE @ SIBLINGS), people stepping on my shoes, looming too close to me while talking....etc.... 39: what color do you wear the most? // grey, black, pink. 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? // all my jewelry is meaningless bc I bought it all myself. Ahh- I have this one pearl necklace that my grandpa and dad bought for me in china and I haven’t worn it once. 41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? // gallagher girls series 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! // i’m not a coffee person 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? // myself a few mornings ago when I was going to my lab and waiting at the bus stop. 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? // when i was in hawaii doing the longest hike of my life and finally reaching the “end” of the island and you could see no city. Just sea lions, turtles and water. Dark stones. Wind. It was just myself and it was quiet and it was so beautiful. I have so many videos. 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? // fuck that shit, I got so many q’s wrong on tests because of it. 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. // gravity sucks. 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? // onions omf 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? // the dark. and yeah. 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? // I LOVE CDs. Last record I bought: paramore- after laughter (i think). 50: what's an odd thing you collect? // cineplex tickets and guitar picks. 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? // my friend S- I associate her with the song “Tokyo Jellybean” by Ingrid St-Pierre. She’s one of my favourite artists. I have never told her this. 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? lol cracking a cold one with the boys bc my psych always opens a pop can in the middle of this lecture (ALL THE TIME) and i just get reminded. 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? only heathers bc my friend showed it to me and I really liked it! 54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? // my friend Y. 55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? // raised my voice? 56: what are some things you find endearing in people? // being completely absorbed in their work, drinking coffee and looking out the bus window, falling asleep in random places. 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? // uhh i just use this song to check if my right headphone is working lol 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? // wine mom is T and vodka aunt is Y. I mean, if you meet them you’ll know. 59: what's your favorite myth? // im uneducated 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? // i like poetry- short poetry. 61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? // I gave cough drops / i received paperclip holders 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? // i’m a morning water person 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? // YEAH I AM. Bookshelf man. 64: what color is the sky where you are right now? // black 65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? // no bc if I haven’t seen you in a long time, I’ve probably dropped you. 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? // baby’s breath, blue bells, daisy. 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? // I LIVE FOR THOSE DAYS 68: what's winter like where you live? // either snowy heaven or mushy hell 69: what are your favorite board games? // i’m basic, so monopoly. 70: have you ever used a ouija board? / no 71: what's your favorite kind of tea? // oolong or vanilla something.... 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? // yeah i really need to 73: what are some of your worst habits? // drop my clothes all over the bedroom floor and leave them there.  74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. // a breath of fresh air 75: tell us about your pets! // i had a goldfish once but on the car ride home to my house it died. 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? // STUDYING WTF AM I DOING ANSWERING A 100 QUESTION TAG 77: pink or yellow lemonade? // PINK 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? // i’m a spectator  79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? // painted me fake polaroids and stuck them in a colouring book omg 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? // tan. it’s the colour of my entire house.  81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. // didn’t pass engl man i can’t do this 82: are/were you good in school? // i WAS 83: what's some of your favorite album art? // rise against, fob, volbeat, ingrid st pierre, ts, bts. 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? // i’ve always wanted a roman numeral tattoo but i don’t do commitment. 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? // i only read peanuts and archie as a kid 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? // i only listen to pink floyd ..the wall. 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? // not a movie person. can’t comment. 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? // idk.... 89: are you close to your parents? // sure 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. // tokyo omg god save me 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? // the farthest i’ll get is my bed 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? // barely sprinkles a pinch 93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? // up 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? // my auntie 95: what are your plans for this weekend? // this weekend is over and so is my academic career 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? // procrastinate 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? // 1. don’t know, 2. scorpio, 3. ravenclaw 98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? // real hike: this summer in hawaii, fake hike: w my friends downtown. I loved both times the same. 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. // Exo- what if/my answer, Taylor- all too well/never grow up, Shawn: running low, Alessia: my song, Bts: sea, Pierre Luc lessard: sans combat 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? // 5 years in the future. The past 5 years have been hard.

I tag: @kabul1998, @iamnotmadamebovary

[teagoblin]

I was tagged by @nikechris . Thank you!

A- Age: 22

B- Birthplace: made in a test tube tbh

C- Current time: 9:10 pm

D- Drink you had last: water

E- Easiest person to talk to: likely @joyfullywretched

F- Favorite Song: I don’t have one atm but I’ve been listening to a lot of instrumentals and soundtracks lately

G- Grossest memory: what’s fit for telling the internet? probably staying in a vegas motel with no air conditioning for 3 days and all the fun things that come with that.

H- Hogwarts House: I score pretty consistently as Slytherin or Ravenclaw, Pottermore placement is Ravenclaw.

I- In love: always.

J- Jealous of people: occasionally.

K- Kids: neither have nor want.

L- Love at first sight or should I walk by again: I’m not sure what walk by again means but I think people confuse love at first sight for lust or intrigue.

M- Middle name: Claire

N- Number of siblings: 0

O- One wish: to recognize at what point thinking becomes overthinking and then not do that, or differentiate possibility and probability where it counts. Honestly that would indirectly solve most of my issues. Or faster fucking wifi.

P- Person I last called/texted: last text is to my mother, I guess I’m just a badass like that.

(No Q?)

R- Reason to smile: the idea of infinite possibilities.

S- Song you sang last: something from Anastasia.

T- Time you woke up: 10 a.m.

U- Underwear color: usually black.

V- Vacation destination: if we’re talking just to visit for a while, not to live, Morocco, Moscow/St. Petersburg if everything blows over eventually, Japan, Santorini, Egypt, India, Praha, London...

W- Worst habit: thinking too hard about a thing and then deciding not to do it, alternately- acting impulsively and getting into weird situations because of it. There’s just no in between, man.

X- X-rays: right ankle.

Y- Your favorite food: sushi or pesto pasta.

Z- Zodiac sign: Sagittarius

I tag @killmekaneki​ @joyfullywretched @rockitbox​ @trainerweirdavenger17 @schoute @legend-of-siena @wolfie585 @ghostshrub {just tagging a bunch of mutuals bc I have no guidelines to go by and they’re all sexy so why not}

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW7

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: McGinn

IN: Mount

Okay fam, I fucked up this week.

Hands in the air this one is on me but I fucked myself by not moving on Wednesday before price changes where both Tammy and Mount went up so I am 0.1 away now from doing the double swap.

Was waiting for all the cup games to end and then was planning on getting Tammy in before his rise...totally forgot... Mount rose as well and so fuck me. Vacation mode throwing me properly off over here so what can I do? I am but a flawed human and I will live with the consequences of my dumbassedry.

Ultimately I am feeling that removing McGinn is better than removing Haller especially with this news that Lanzini has been training and is back. I just don't think Villa look very good in general and will continue to seriously struggle for goals even though McGinn has good underlying numbers and shit I think he's just a bit meh.

Haller has been bad but looks incredible irl eye test and so who knows the fixture is pretty good from an attacking sense maybe I get really lucky here but I will not tell you all any lies... it feels fucking bad to not have Tamela in this moment. I did contemplate a hit to get Tam in but ultimately felt like it had more of a chance to blow up in my face than work out gangbusters so I'm going to just do the one move...float...and check out what is what next gameweek with two frees after UCL and shit. Seems okay...

Who am I kidding? complete nightmare disaster I'm dumb and I hate myself.

GK:

Pope (avl)

Pope remains from GW1 after popping back into the good graces with a clean last week. Still great fixtures and he's great so an easy hold set and forget type of lad. Good boy Pope.

DEF:

Three at the back for me this gameweek in an unusual turn of events for my squadron.

Alexander-Arnold & Robertson (shu)

Trent and R0bbo go to Sheffield United in what should be a clean banker. If Sheffu can only muster two shots against Everton then not expecting fireworks here against Livp. Granted they are home...but still..come on. Get it done here boys...time for another clean.

Otamendi (eve)

Third guy is NicoOta who somehow just threw up a ridiculous haul last game. Maybe the answer is just Dinho in and they'll keep cleaning like we thought they would. Who knows. I don't and I still think (read: know) Ota is a nightmare but at the moment the price is right and the nail is on.

At Everton suddenly seems like a dreamland fixture as they drag their feet until their manager gets the sack lunch. Get in.

MID:

Salah (shu) & Sterling & De Bruyne (eve)

Still on the three big boppers Mo, Raz, and Kevin.

All three great guys, I’m happy to see people selling Raz hope he drops 1m in price he is going nowhere from my team little razzy baby will come back with a vengeance to punish the non believing heathens.

Mo looked really bad and off it last game so hopefully his touch is back and he can do something this weekend.

Mount (BHA)

New boy Mount goes for me and it feels nice to be part of the mounted cavalry division. Nice little fixture run and still a good price. I really want to get in Maddo soon but Mount seems basically the same thing with a bit lower price no knock and better fixtures at least for right now.

Not sure why I'm talking about Maddo here but I am so that's cool.

Cantwell (cry)

Finally, Todd goes to Selhurst in what should be a who knows what the fuck it will be kind of a game. I could see anything from 0-0 snoozefest worst thing of life to a 4-2 barn burner. Either way, I believe in Todd and I love Todd so I'm going to throw him out in the XI for the near term and see how he rolls.

FWD:

Pukki (cry)

Pukki still in of course..good guy still is good.

Haller (bou)

Haller still in as well...yikes. Pretty massively and utterly terrified of not owning Tammy even more so typing this out now so just gotta hope I get away with it. Eek.

CAP:

Sterling (eve)

Raz gets the armband again.

Was chatting about it in Slack just before typing up lambs and the honest truth of the matter is if I twist off Raz cap after all these weeks of mental anguish to see him spike this game at Goodison I would just be completely beside myself with grief.

I don't want that, so I'm going to just stay with the boy and hope he wakes up on the right side of the bed tomorrow and destroys Everton.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Diop

IN: Tomori

I wavered back and forth on this one because Diop and West Ham have kept three cleans in a row and have really good home bankers coming up and all that good shit.... BUTTTTTTTT... they’re still bad at defending. They really are. The cleans have been nice but felt pretty lucky. They had Manchester United which is arguably best cleansheet fixture in the league and I got my points and so now I’m bailing.

Tomori has almost identical home fixtures to Diop coming up and I’m taking a swing that with Kante back (and Rudiger soon) they are a better team and better defense then West Ham... So in the equal home fixtures I prefer Tomori and then in the aways I feel like West Ham have relatively no chance at a clean (for example this week away to Bournemouth I see them conceding two or three) whereas Tomori and Chelsea away Southampton and away Burnley and away Watford coming up I’m like yeah I could see it, maybe clean one of those if I’m lucky clean two of those? That seems not farfetched to me.

It’s fucking weird buying a defender for a team with no cleans but comparatively to West Ham I think I’m getting in a step ahead here and hopefully it pays me back :)... Come on you Fikayo.

GK:

Gunn (tot)

Spurs are kind of shit but also this is like a 1% chance of a clean for Gunn.

My biggest mistake on Wildcard was not finding the 0.1 somewhere (SEE: MARTIN KELLY) and going Pope over Gunn but honestly I’m just gonna stick by Angus “Gunn to my head” Gunn through these difficult fixtures and just hope he racks up some saves and bones and the odd clean here and there and then their fixtures turn in GW12 and maybe it’ll all be fine.

Maybe.

DEF:

Tomori (BHA)

Good cleanable fixture. Not AMAZING but a solidly good clean shout at home. Come on lad.

Lowton (avl)

Another solid clean shout here.

Away is obviously tougher but Aston Villa struggle to create big chances and with how deep Burnley set up it will be tough to get behind them and counter them... I feel like a defensive howler from Mee or Tarko will be Villa’s best chance of the game. Hopefully it comes clean for me.

Söyüncü (NEW)

The fucking kid. I love Soy so much.

This should be a very straight forward clean. Hopefully Soy doesn’t do something absolutely insane and concede a penno for no reason and it’s just an easy job with bones and shit. Come on SoyyyyyBoyyyyyLadddddd.

MID:

Salah (shu), Sterling & De Bruyne (eve)

Lottttt of aways this week for me which does not feel terrific at all.

Salah is easiest hold ever despite a bit of a slow start underlying numbers.

Raz had his 0 minutes played early doors and should be back in there firing on all cylinders and Kevin requires no words. If ya didn’t jump immediately on Kevin after GW1 or GW2 then we haven’t been watching the same shit and you clearly don’t listen to a word that Walsh and I say so fuck you anyways.

Cantwell (cry)

The aways just keep coming and I don’t like it...

Palace are tough to break down but they’re also WAY worse at home and love nothing more but conceding possession... This will be a really really interesting game to see how Norwich do when they have ~65% of the ball and have to break down the Woy bus factory.

I expect good things but I’m a little nervous.

FWD:

Agüero (eve)

Kun is real good.

Pukki (cry)

Check what I said above about Todd and apply the same down here to Teemu.

Abraham (BHA)

Tammy is putting up gigantic elite numbers and I see no reason why that won’t continue. Outside of Man City Tammy has the best non-penalty expected goals per 90 in the entire league. Ya love to see it.

The one caveat that I have is that Brighton are pretty good.

BHA have middle of the pack defensive numbers despite facing Man City already this season and they just seem solidly like a mid-table maybe top 10 team.

Potter is great and has completely transformed how they set up and play and they’re just good. People thinking that this will be a Chelsea easy walk in the park 4-0 ass fucking I think are very misguided and relying too much on the color of the fixture on the FPL site and not using data, team stats, brains, etc...

CAP:

Agüero (eve)

This did not take me long to sort out. Kun is on fire, City are the best attacking team in the world as usual, and Everton aren’t great. Hopefully Kun hauls in a loss then I’m in dreamland ;)...

It’s a bummer that it’s away but he’s still Kun and can score a hat trick vs. any non-Liverpool opponent away from home. You might call me not a home/away splits believer.

Come on Kun do it baby boy, Everton are ripe for a destruction... And if City score early the fucking pitchforks will be out at Goodison and Silva and the Everton players should crumble under the immense negativity and booing and horribleness.

—

NOT RANDOM SLACKER: DEREK

Fresh off of IRL pod we assigned Lambs this week to the one and only Derek.

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Coleman

IN: Otamendi

Mentioned on the pod, easy transfer: defender on terrible looking Everton team for an attacking City defender with a great fixture run for the same price.

Seamus got me a couple cleans early and had some great chances for a dong but at this moment cannot be more thrilled to take him out of my team.

This was my plan since before last GW.. sucks I missed Ota's absurd game vs. Twatford but regardless, I'm very happy with this pick.

GK:

Pope (avl)

New friend to the team last week brought me a clean sheet. Hoping for the same this week with Villa away.

Burnley has a nice run coming so expecting some cleans from him.

DEF:

Otamendi (eve)

New transfer in.

I don't love him as a defender and we all know he's struggled at times this year but with Dinho seemingly slotted to the LCB position I’m hoping City can stay relatively tight and keep some cleans on this run.

And with Kevin's super precise set piece deliveries so far this year (and all the time when he is healthy and right), I'm expecting Ota to continue to find his head on some of these balls for some more dongs.

Robertson and van Dijk (shu)

Two lads who have been on my team since GW1.

At this point, cleans haven't been plentiful like how I imagined but a goal and two assists from them is still solid and I expect Liverpool to improve on the defensive front. Sheffield should be staying pretty tight in the back at home so this fixture feels very cleanable.

MID:

Sterling and De Bruyne (eve)

Just two guys on the most potent, explosive attacking team in the league. It's time tor Raz to get some returns for the first time since GW3. Yikes.

Salah (shu)

Mo will be Mo and continue to do Mo things AKA return return return. Even having a shitty ass game like last week, he still got me an assist.

Mount (BHA)

I've had the Fat Frank loving youngster since GW3 and he's price risen 6 times since then which is wild but still think he's a great value pick for those who do not have him.

On the year he has 3 goals in 6, constantly finds himself in the box with good chances, and with this great fixture run coming up, I expect him to continue to tick.

FWD:

Pukki (cry)

Palace away doesn't feel great, but Pukki has proven he can score in any fixture so hoping he delivers me one here.

Abraham (BHA)

Coming off a late push at Stamford Bridge last week versus the league leaders, Chelsea should continue with their offensive prowess vs Brighton back at home.  Although I don't expect Tammy's absurd finishing efficiency to continue at this rate, his physicality and quickness in the box is here to stay which will continue to yield him good opportunities and big chances.

Plus with up-and-down-the-wing god Marcos A. slotted in at left back with Emerson out, Tammy should be getting some great service in the air.  Love having two offensive players from the same team cause the dreams and realization of an assist-dong combo is just the best actual feeling in all of FPL.

Greenwood (ARS)

Taking a chance here going with my other Mason: the 17 year old United striker..feels especially risky with him playing 90' midweek in the cup match.

He has yet to start in a league game this year, but has started in both games outside of the league and has a goal in each of them. With Rashford's groin injury and Martial seemingly dead for eternity (I won't believe he's healthy til I see him on the team sheet), OGS has limited options up top so realllly hoping he gives the kid a chance this week at Old Trafford for his first league start.

From the little I've seen from Greenwood, seems like he is not shy to shoot and with Paul hopefully back maybe the team can progress the ball better and develop some offensive threat again..we shall see.

CAP:

Sterling (eve)

I'm going with Raz for the fifth GW in a row.

We all know what he's capable of..sitting the whole 90' on the bench or scoring a hatty. Hoping for the latter in the away fixture at Goodison cause I think City are gonna have their way with the Toffees. I'd be lying if I said I'm not scared captaining Raz considering he played 70+ minutes midweek in the cup and UCL coming up next week but fuck it.

Weird to see him drop in price two times in a week and seeing some captain polls, kinda feels like a slight differential captain.  Vice will be on Mo.

[fitnesshealthyoga-blog]

New Post has been published on https://fitnesshealthyoga.com/slog-am-seattle-is-the-most-educated-big-city-in-america-green-book-wins-best-picture-measles-in-costa-rica-slog/

Slog AM: Seattle Is the Most Educated Big City in America, Green Book Wins Best Picture, Measles in Costa Rica - Slog

We love our degrees! Milkos/ Getty Images

Seattle is the most educated city in America: That’s right folks, people in Seattle have more college degrees than any other big city. But don’t feel too superior yet, it’s mostly because of the massive influx of tech workers who have flocked here. Overall, 63 percent of Seattle’s population over the age of 25 has a college degree. Let’s all thank Gene Balk for finding the answers to questions we didn’t even think to ask.

Seattle is the most-educated big city in the U.S. — and 8 in 10 newcomers have a college degree. https://t.co/jSRdhtDq1I pic.twitter.com/HnWTBF7Wyi — The Seattle Times (@seattletimes) February 25, 2019

A Washington state House bill would make utilities completely carbon free by 2045: Local environmentalists are all for it, but the utility companies are a bit more apprehensive. Nobody is entirely confident the bill will pass in its current form, but activists and progressives, fresh off a big loss on the carbon fee (I-1631, rest in peace), think this will push utilities on the path to decarbonization.

It’s important to decarbonize because of the fucking orcas: Oh so you like orcas? But you don’t like paying a little bit more for electricity? Well, you’re going to have to fucking pick one because the orcas need Chinook salmon and the Chinook salmon need to reproduce in water that isn’t insanely hot. The Seattle Times’s Lynda V. Mapes wrote the definitive series on why Salish Sea orcas are in decline and this part is all about their relationship with Chinook, the largest and most nutritious of all salmon species.

You don’t know how to merge? One state lawmaker has a plan to change that. It’s called the zipper merge and it is just about the easiest thing in the world. Instead of everyone merging into one lane super early and leaving the ending lane empty, just use both goddamn lanes up until the merge and then make like a zipper. My roommate gets irate when Seattleites get that wrong—it happens often. The house bill would make sure Washington driver’s license tests include a question on the zipper merge.

Green Book wins Best Picture at the Oscars: And people are not pleased. I did not see the movie so I’ll let the LA Times (through our digital editor Chase Burns) do the talking.

https://t.co/L801Xsxyxn pic.twitter.com/AJdocMun7Z — Chase Burns (@chaseburnsy) February 25, 2019

Free Solo won best documentary: Boy, am I a sucker for a beautiful climbing film. Anything Jimmy Chin and his co-director/wife Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi touch is gold and Free Solo is their masterpiece to date. Alex Honnold literally climbing Yosemite’s iconic El Capitan with nothing more than a bag of chalk and one giant set of cojones. Nobody would go see it in theaters with me so I saw it by myself—$13 solo!

Trump promises to hold world’s largest 4th of July BBQ: But knowing him, it’ll probably just be a wimpy fireworks show and a table full of DJT merch. Awfully bold of him to claim it will be one of the “biggest gatherings in the history of Washington, D.C.” He doesn’t exactly have a good track record of drawing large crowds to the National Mall (cough cough inauguration cough).

HOLD THE DATE! We will be having one of the biggest gatherings in the history of Washington, D.C., on July 4th. It will be called “A Salute To America” and will be held at the Lincoln Memorial. Major fireworks display, entertainment and an address by your favorite President, me! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 24, 2019

Second summit between Trump and Kim Jong Un: The president is traveling to Vietnam to meet with the North Korean leader as I write this and expectations are low. Great, that’s exactly when Trump shines. The first summit was hailed as a huge success, but produced little in the way of concrete plans to denuclearize North Korea. Don’t get me wrong, this is a lot better than promising “fire and fury,” but without tough negotiations on their nuclear program, we would remain at a dangerous impasse.

French boy brings measles to a measles-free Costa Rica: The Central American country has been measles-free since 2014, but a French boy who hadn’t been vaccinated brought it back while on vacation. Now they’re scrambling to find anyone who may have come into contact with him. So this is not a uniquely American problem. But Costa Rica seems to have their shit together; they haven’t had a domestic measles case since 2006.

Tonight’s best Seattle entertainment options include: A screening of Sorry to Bother You at Central Cinema, the Town Love Hiphop Awards, and an Old-Fashioned Beefsteak Dinner with West Seattle Brewing.

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[paradoxicalca]

r/hockey NHL Power Rankings Week 7: Spicy Edition

/r/Hockey NHL Power Rankings Week Nov 11, 2019 - Nov 17, 2019Thank YouThank you to all of the volunteers doing the power rankings. Each ranker has their own system and have their own reasonings and analyis. It truly is a lot of work.RankersSpoilerOrganizersSpoilerVisualizationThe visualization contains historical data, so you can see how your team has done over time. Hopefully, we can run this for many years in hopes that we can see the rise and fall of teams by /r/hockey opinion.It automatically updates so feel free to bookmark. You can find it hereProcessHow does this work? Throughout the course of the week rankers are able to access an app that will allow them to rank teams. At the end of the period we calculate the average ranking for every team and collate all of the analysis provided by rankers.The app then generates a post that is first proofread and then posted to /r/hockey!Rankings (29/31 Rankers Reporting)Ranking (avg)TeamDeltaOverall RecordRecord This WeekComments1 (1.34)Washington Capitals-15-3-42-1-1Best team in the league, full stop.2 (2.2)New York Islanders114-3-12-0-0The magic continues. Point streak of 14 games, of which 13 were wins. It looked in danger down 3-0 in Philly, but the guys who have been really hot, Barzal and Beauvillier, stayed hot bringing the Isles back. Brassard is playing amazingly on Nelson's wing, currently looking like the best signing across the league this past summer. Goaltending showed some signs of regression this week but the team still found a way to win. Ladd looks to have returned to full health, or at least as close as he can get anymore, but is in Bridgeport for the time being. Will be interesting to see if he makes his way up to the NHL or gets hurt before he gets the chance.3 (3.69)Boston Bruins-112-3-51-0-2Well, at least it's a point streak as the injuries mount up with Krug joining the IR and Bergeron not playing against the Caps. I hope Bruce made the team bagskate penalty shots until they scored 3 each on Halak and Rask. In Bruce's tenure as Head Coach, the team has a record 3-14 in shootouts. I can't fault the goalies either but it's pretty much a given that if you take the Bruins to a shootout, the other team will get the W. I'm not expecting miracles there but at least near 0.500.4 (5.63)St. Louis Blues-12-4-50-1-2The Blues have been winning a lot despite relatively poor play for a while now, and this week they finally had some down games. Just from the eye test, they look good but not good enough. If they don't rebound in the next week expect them to severely drop5 (6.03)Edmonton Oilers-13-6-31-1-1This team needs to make up its fucking mind. Blown out by the Sharks then blowing out the Avs then tossing away a victory with an OT loss against the Stars. The team still lives and dies on the Powerplay. Best Powerplay in the league, but nearly all the offence is produced through the Powerplay. The 5-on-5 play needs substantial improvement. The bottom six is a disaster. And then the reason we still lead the Pacific: Leon Draisaitl and Connor McDavid. WE ARE MERE MORTALS IN FRONT OF THESE GODS. Solid shout-out to Nuge, Klefbomb, Bear, Koskinen, Smith, Khaira and Nurse. 4 consecutive divisional games next week. If the Oilers do well here, they will continue to stand above the Pacific, but any faltering here and they will take a dive in this competitive division.6 (6.4)Colorado Avalanche-12-6-22-1-0Injuries yay! This week started off taking out Francouz and having us call up our 3rd and 4th goalies to play games. Also RIP Calvert hope he is ok. Adam Werner stole the show against the Jets, but he had a lot more trouble with McDavid and Drai. Bibeau was serviceable vs the Canucks, but we would love Grubauer or Francouz to get healthy, both are on the trip as we carry 4 goalies. The good news is the team looked good with solid chemistry and MacKinnon and Makar have just taken over. On the bad side the defense looks scattered and it doesn't help our young goalies. Next up is the second half of our Western Canadian trip and Saturday finishes with a Hockey night in Canada game against the Leafs in Denver. Makalder Watch: Cale Makar is amazing, on track for the best rookie season by a defenseman in decades. He had 6 points in three games with another Game winner against the Jets. His defense has also been getting better and better he had some great plays against the Canucks.7 (8.74)Carolina Hurricanes212-7-13-0-0Rob the Bod has the team back on track but the competition they faced wasn’t overtly difficult and they barely eked out wins against the Wild and Buffalo. For a team that is considered to have one the best overall defense in the league giving up a tying goal late each game is unacceptable.8 (9.23)Arizona Coyotes612-7-23-1-0The Yotes went 3-1 over the previous week, setting NHL history by becoming the first team to sweep the previous 2 Stanley Cup Champions in back-to-back games (of 69 potential times in history). The success is being driven by the rock-solid goal tending tandem in net, with Kuemper picking up a shutout over Calgary, and almost picking up a goalie fight as well. Defense has also been rock tight. It isnt consistently pretty, but this team is finding ways to win, taking 3 of 4 games this week (2 through the shootout).9 (10.77)Pittsburgh Penguins-111-7-21-1-1"I need to be fire," he said with a laugh. "I will be fire." This is Geno Malkin as we know him stepping up in the absence of Crosby who needed surgery and will be out for a couple months. Geno along with the rest of the walking wounded that is the Penguins lineup, struggled to finish their many chances in losses against the Rangers and Devils this week. The Pens controlled possession, got solid defensive efforts from the backend, and played tough and resilient for a team whose players are dropping left and right. Saturday the Penguins got their bounces and lit up the Maple Leafs unleashing the power of Geno’s fire straight to the seat occupied by Leafs coach Mike Babcock who got an earful from his home crowd. The Penguins are no strangers to playing without Sid, and with a continued effort to solid defensive hockey they will tread water until he can come back and lead the Pens into the playoffs once again.10 (11.29)Montreal Canadiens811-5-42-0-1After earning 5 of 6 points in an emotional week highlighted by a stunning road upset of the NHL-leading Capitals, the Habs cruise to the quarter-mile post in 2nd place in the fierce and unforgiving Atlantic division. They've done it with a high-octane and well-balanced offense that's been a nightmare to defend. Even slumps by Domi and Drouin haven't slowed the Habs down, thanks (in part) to Tatar's great start and Suzuki's emergence as the most exciting rookie east of the Rockies. If Price, Petry and Weber stay healthy this team could do some serious damage in the 2nd half. Keep in mind GM Bergevin has the cash (cap space), the credit (draft picks/prospects), and the biceps to make a major purchase at the trade deadline. This is a team to watch.11 (13.31)Dallas Stars1111-8-23-0-0Where has this team been hiding all season?? The stars seem to have suddenly figured how to do that hockey well.12 (13.34)Buffalo Sabres-210-7-31-1-1We are playing for a top pick right now. I can't honestly believe we beat Ottawa, let alone in regulation. This incredible trainwreck would be unfathomable in a vacuum, but given that this same sequence happened literally last year, I'm less shocked. If we don't have either Jack or Sam for any length of time, we can write this year off as a straight-garbage-fire loss. How many games has it been since someone other than them has scored? Our secondary scoring is so cold that if you lined Jimmy Vesey up in interstellar space, heat would flow from space into his body. We were first in the league!13 (14.03)Winnipeg Jets712-8-12-1-014 (15.09)Tampa Bay Lightning39-6-21-1-0Tampa looked amazing against NY, but meh against the Jets. Did a great job of capitalizing on PPs during the NY game, but went back to spending too much time in the box against Winnipeg.15 (15.74)Vancouver Canucks-310-7-41-1-1The Canucks went 1-1-1 this week, finishing off a four game home stand with a total of 3 points. Underlying numbers remain promising, but results are sporadic and it appears we are seeing the Canucks settle closer to what can be expected out of a young team. I've seen people discussing the DJ again, which usually says more about dissatisfaction with the on-ice product than it does about whatever cheesy tunes are being played. That said, the Canucks still potted 11 goals in their last 3 games, Hughes had 2 assist Saturday night, Demko remains solid (and at times brilliant), and the hockey is fun as hell for a bubble team. The power-play remains inconsistent, because this is ice hockey and nothing is consistent. After a too-good-to-be-true start, fans may need to re-calibrate expectations in order to enjoy the grind as the season wears on.16 (15.77)Nashville Predators-99-7-30-2-0Well this is the easiest blurb I've written in my time doing these power rankings: something is fucked with this team right now, and the fanbase is quickly turning against itself questioning what the problem is. Has Lavi lost the room? Is Pekka on the decline? Is the defense breaking down too much? Was Duchene worth it? What does it say that Bonino is our second leading goal scorer? Is our third D pairing holding us back? Is everyone just overreacting to a cold streak? What should our next banner say? I don't really have any answers, but I do know watching the last few games has not been fun. Also, we're currently on the outside looking in at 5th in the Central so that's cool I guess. Oh look, Chicago won another game so now we're 6th. Fuck.17 (16.43)Vegas Golden Knights-610-9-31-2-0The most recent win can't hide the fact that the Golden Knights were just in a 5 game winless streak. Underlying numbers suggested that the Knights are playing better than their record shows but blown leads, missed opportunities, and 3rd period collapses we're a theme during the team's slump. We'll see if the win against Calgary is a start of fixing those issues.18 (16.94)Philadelphia Flyers110-6-40-1-2I mean taking the top two teams in the league (Islanders and Caps) to the SO means we can Fly with the best of em. But losing in regulation to the Sens means that we can Die with the worst of em. We still need the veterans to step up a bit more, but the young guns have been doing well to keep us in games (TK, Lindblom, Hart). Also can the NHL STOP SETTING GAMES ON THE ONLY NIGHTS THAT I WORK LIKE COME ON GUYS I LIKE WATCHING HOCKEY TOO. Ted Talk over, Praise Gritty19 (17.49)Anaheim Ducks-310-9-21-1-1This season feels like a rerun. Looks like a losing home stand came 1 month earlier than last year. A poor effort against the oilers after 4 days off. Similarly poor effort against the wild. I don’t see the fight. I don’t see the ducks ready to start any game lately. Song of the week: Free fallin’ - Tom Petty and the heartbreakers20 (17.89)Florida Panthers110-5-52-1-0The Panthers had a fantastic comeback victory against the Bruins early in the week. They showed a lot of character and determination. This team doesn't quit when they get scored on and fall behind which is great because goaltending has been, let's put it nicely, garbage. Overall it was a good week with a rare regulation loss and win.21 (18.51)Calgary Flames-610-10-30-3-0Oof. The Flames scored 1 goals in 3 games this week, and conceded 12. They have not led at any point in about 220 minutes. In short... the Flames are a bad hockey team right now.22 (19.54)San Jose Sharks210-10-13-0-0The San Jose Sharks are 6-0-0 in the (2019-20) Radim Šimek era! In all seriousness, the team is looking much better than they did for the first ~15 games. The offence is getting more creative and it's showing, and the D has tightened up. I really like the line of Meier-Hertl-Goodrow and I hope PDB doesn't blend them too soon, and Kane-Cooch-Labanc have looked pretty good too. Karlsson and Vlasic have cleaned up their play since they've been together, and Šimek has really anchored Burns, which is exactly what we needed from him. The Sharks aren't out of the woods yet and there's improvements to be made, but we're playing much better than we have been. G23 (20.37)Toronto Maple Leafs-109-9-40-3-0The weather is getting colder, and the leaves are falling. Big time. After a rough start for the backup Hutchison v Chicago, he was waived on Monday and the Leafs called up Kaskisuo to backup Freddy Andersen. On Wednesday, the Leafs fell behind twice but only came back once, losing 5-4. Then, a 4-2 loss to Boston extended the Leafs losing streak to 4 games. This was further extended to 5 after Kaskisuo's NHL debut against the Penguins, as he got completely hung out to dry, as the Leafs got clobbered 6-1. Offensively, it doesn't look like there's much effort or care. Too many passes. Defensively, too many passes to the other team. It's bad. Be sure to check out r/leafs for any information you need about leaves!24 (23.54)Chicago Blackhawks29-7-43-0-0The Blackhawks beat the Golden Knights for the first time in franchise history. The Hawks are 5-0-1 since tweaking their system, scoring 4+ goals in each of those 5 wins. Kane has 8G, 9A and points in each of our last 9 games. Dach has 4G, 2A and points in each of our last 4. 5-on-5 goals by Hawks defensemen: 1 in our first 17 games, 4 in the last 3. The Hawks are 4-0-0 on the tail end of back-to-backs, thanks to an excellent goaltending duo.25 (24.94)New York Rangers-28-8-21-2-0Shitty week overall. Started off solid with a OTW against the Pens with Kakko scoring two goals including the overtime winner. After that, the Florida trip got real bad real fast. The Lightning blew us completely out of the water 9-3. Chytil scored two goals, but beyond that there wasn't too much good. In the game against the Panthers, Panarin attempted to carry us to a W singlehandedly, but we came up short. Hopefully once Zibanejad comes back, we'll find a little more consistency and we can pull out some more wins.26 (26.46)Columbus Blue Jackets-17-8-41-0-1"We are one god damn uptight team" - John Tortorella27 (27.37)Los Angeles Kings38-11-13-0-0The Kings had a perfect week- despite being against mostly low opposition. The lower half of the Pacific is getting spicy- although the Kings still sit at the very bottom.28 (27.4)New Jersey Devils17-8-42-1-0Suspicious shifty eyes * 2 wins in a row? All that did was probably buy Hynes more time before the inevitable. 3 games upcoming, Bruins, Pens, Red Wings. *The Good:** We won 2 games against decent opponents in the Pens and Habs, back to back, with Blackwood in net both games. Simmonds has 3 goals in the last 4 games and the goals seems to be coming in from all over the roster in general. The Bad: We dropped the game against the Sens and let Pageau walk all over us and get a hatty. Hall still isn't putting the puck in the net despite leading the team in points. His shooting percent has now fallen below 3%. The Ugly: Cory might as well not be rostered. He's played once since Halloween. His save% is 0.852, and his GAA is 4.59. It's really, really hard to watch the player who was the reason the Devils weren't the worst team in league for several years get hurt and completely fall apart post surgery. In a span where we've played 3 back to backs, Cory has played once and lost.29 (27.91)Ottawa Senators-18-11-12-2-0Another unexpectedly strong week. Even if the Sens did hand Eichel 4 goals on a silver platter on the 2nd stage of a back to back, they were still hanging in the game (albiet barely) right up until the final backbreaker goal. Beating the Flyers was also pretty huge. This team is starting to be defined by a "work insanely hard" culture which is exactly what we've been needing! Somehow we find ourselves closing in on the Leafs in the standings...I think most Sens fans would honestly rather have a high draft pick instead of making a playoffs push this year. Still, with the Sens looking less awful than expected and the Sharks on a winstreak thanks to Radim Šimek - the Czech god of the blue line - one must already wonder who will make it to the wildcard spots and what draft day is going to look like. Even with barely a quarter of the season played out.30 (28.8)Minnesota Wild-37-11-21-1-1The Wild aren't as good as they could be, and not as bad as they should be. The one thing that's been consistent over the years however is reigning as the league's worst 3-on-3 team, and it's not even close. Since the implementation of the arcade-style OT, Minnesota is a laughable 12-30. Translate those results over to the first 60 minutes and it's Lottery City baby!31 (29.8)Detroit Red Wings-7-12-31-0-2This is the worst Red Wings roster in some 30 years. A defense this week led by Dennis Cholowski(21) and Madison Bowey(24). Seriously read that again, that’s the first pair! Despite this, the Red Wings have finally made a return to playing the kind of games that makes any rebuilding team successful. Down to the wire, come from behind, and battling hard for each win even if they come up short. Andreas Athanasiou has picked up heat scoring a couple signature goals with his speed and quick hands. Larkin is still creating awesome chances and looks fantastic in the faceoff circle. This team actually does a great job in that department despite not capitalizing on many of the opportunities. Furthermore, the league worst PK has actually been getting extremely better in the last two weeks. While it sits at 70.6%, the last five games the Wings have killed 12/14 PP. Things are swinging back up for Detroit lets hope they can maintain this pace for more than two weeks. r/hockey NHL Power Rankings Week 7: Spicy Edition Source

[eminperu]

I Came All the Way to Peru to Battle Midwestern Racists: The characters you meet as an American girl working at an English Pub in Peru

A lot has happened since my last post, so I’ll briefly give you the life updates and then get into my pub profiling.

1) My computer is fixed, and it was fixed FO FREE. Apparently some dust or something had gotten in it.  

2) I have a new apartment! On Thursday, I moved into a cute little apartment in Barranco, the hipster district where I work. I’m living with a 28-year-old Peruvian girl and a nice, quiet, engineer dude that looks to be about the same age. My flat is on the third floor of a tall white building—actually, it IS the third floor. We have a little patio, an open kitchen/living room, and a little cat! Milagros, my roommate, is short and cute, with a couple flower and feather tattoos and long, straight black hair. She speaks some English and wants to practice even more, and she is by far one of the easiest people for me to communicate with in Peru. I got to drink with her friends last night and we had so much fun! Most of her friends are from university, seem to be some sort of engineers, and travel a lot for their jobs (so does she).

3) I finally started teaching online English! It’s actually so fun. The kids are adorable, the parents revere teachers, and it takes 0 planning time. To be fair, I did have to invest in a Mr. Potato Head and a creepy stuffed squirrel I found in a little tienda on the street. I actually really did miss teaching and am happy to get to interact with kids again, even at obscenely early hours of the morning and only via webcam. Fortunately, I am making American money while living in Peru, which is pretty much the best loophole I’ve come across.

4) I also worked every night at the pub last week. “Working” at Wick’s (honestly, I mostly just drink) has been a highlight of my time here, and has also introduced me to different Lima visitors every night. Though a much more… relaxed… service culture means less tips (boo), it also means much more time to chat with patrons. Hearing everyone’s stories not only helps me to practice my Spanish (sometimes—about 50% of the patrons speak English, and that number climbs to about 80% when you’re looking at those who choose to sit at the bar and shoot the shit with me). Here are some of the all-stars: - Retired British Air Force Pilot: RBAFP is definitely my favorite customer, and probably one of my favorite people. Unclear how I keep collecting elderly retired pilot friends (just kidding, it’s because my brother is in the Air Force and they all want to know him/be him). RBAFP comes in several times a week and can talk to just about anybody. He’s been divorced a couple times, is currently married to a hot Peruvian lady, and used to fly for Delta airlines. He loves to take the piss out of the other regulars—note my impeccable use of British slang—and I like to listen. Often times he’s accompanied by other pilots or air controllers, or a couple of times he’s come in with some young Columbian and Peruvian businessmen (that he may or may not have been trying to set me up with).

- Revolving Door of Finance Guys: I don’t know what it is, but a lot of investment bankers, finance, and IT guys show up at this pub. They sit at the bar, order a whiskey, and talk about what they do. RDFGs usually don suits and short-cropped hair. Quick to drop you their card, I like that I sometimes get to feel like a mover-and-shaker talking to these guys, like I could be making a connection I’ll need down the line. I talked with a guy who worked at some IT firm in DC who wanted to help me out with my grant proposal I’ve started writing, which was encouraging and exciting.

- Racist Midwesterner: Ugh. RM came in one of my first nights of work and I thought he was CUTE. He ended up leaving because we didn’t have the beer he wanted (cask ales kind of suck anyway) or a food special for the night. He came back a few nights later and proceeded to get pretty drunk at the bar. I was actually super excited: we had witty repertoire, he was planning on staying in Peru for the foreseeable future, he had really good teeth—let’s not judge my standards here. At some point in any conversation one has here, someone will ask your “coming to Peru” story. He came for Ayahuasca. Incidentally, he also is staying (eight months past his visa expiration) for Ayahuasca. Okay, probably another red flag. As I’m asking him about his experience, he tells me it’s not a drug, it’s not like any other drugs. I ask him what drugs he’s done to compare it to. At this point, I guess I’m showing my basic level of critical thinking and he does not like the challenge. You can see him pulling out his LIBERAL card and about to throw it down.

Somehow, he transitions to to gun control—maybe a conservative litmus test? He tells me if some “sketchy looking dudes” are coming at your jewelry store, you definitely have a right to shoot and kill them. Again, my bleeding heart can’t help but ask a thought-provoking question: What makes someone sketchy? [God, I’m so clearly pushing my beliefs so hard right now]. He replies, “When they are running around your store.. and they’re black.” [I don’t know what to type here, so please just imagine a picture of my face that I’m not tech-savvy enough to include on here]. Not just a red flag, a giant red matador flag in front of a bright red sunset sky. At this point, I begin to wonder if Socrates/Ben Franklin style of gentle prodding is not the answer. After gauging the stunned look on my face, he says, “Oh, I can tell you’re a humanitarian [read: not a racist]. Well I’m just being honest. Look at the statistics.” I can go on and on about how ridiculous he got and how much I really tried to keep my composure and listen before responding, but eventually he was just shouting at me. High(low)lights include, but are not limited to: “I’m not going to apologize for the white man,” “I already know what I believe, I’m set in it, I’m not going to change my mind,” “I would probably be in the same position if I was born in a black, poor, community but that’s not my problem.” My manager stepped in and told him he was a total twat and eventually he got uncomfortable and left, reportedly asking my manager afterwards if he had “been okay in there.” Jimmy replied, “Abso-fucking-lutely not. You were not okay. You were a racist and you were shouting at her for not being a racist.”

- Remotely Working Tech Guys: Graphic designers, software engineers, anyone who can do their job on the computer. In fact, RM was one of these remote software type guys. Generally speaking, thought, I like the other ones better. They come in almost nightly, ordering cask ales and being cheeky with the staff. RWTG can be schmoozers or a bit shy, but usually have an affinity for uppers and talking about whatever they’re currently working on. Getting paid American money here is really the way to go, so it makes sense that people who can work from their laptop choose to do so in Lima.

- Bill: Bill does a lot of cocaine and shouts and gets physically weird with dudes at the bar. A LOT of cocaine. And yells VERY loud. He might be American? He is definitely loud. I’ve heard he’s actually an okay guy, but I’ve also been generally successful at darting my eyes, slinking around, and generally avoiding engaging with him at all. Bill does not get an acronym. I think he also works in mining? Yeah, Peru has mines. Also cocaine. Do less cocaine, Bill.

- Fun Groups of Peruvian Youths: I like Peruvians. They drink, but they drink slowly and they love playing games (I’ve almost had to break up fights over Jenga). Generally, they are super friendly and low-key, and are patient with me if I have some Spanish translation issues. These groups are especially fun on football nights.

- Cool Barranco Lesbian Hipsters: Barranco is a v. hip neighborhood. While retaining some of the essential elements of Lima culture, Barranco’s streets have evolved into a collection cool art museums, quaint cafes, a microtheater, and who knows what else—like most good things, the treasures of Barranco are escondidos. We have several ladies who come into the bar pretty regularly and often play live music or talk about playing live music. They also tend to have trendy jobs as graphic designers/PR folks, as well as bit of their own drama that I’m definitely a little bit here for.

- Kitchen Staff: Okay, so they aren’t bar patrons but I love the boys who work in the kitchen. There are three of them from ages 20-25, they are Peruvian, adorable, and (2/3) speak impeccable English. Neither of them have had any formal schooling in English, which makes me feel like shit that they have been able to pick it up so quickly and I still spend 10-20% of my time with a dumbfounded look on my face when someone comes at me with Spanish. They teach me cool Spanish words to make me sound Peruvian (which I always confirm with Milagros to make sure I’m not saying dirty stuff), I get buzzed and flirt mercilessly with them in exchange.

Happies: Pretty much everything right now! I love my new room, it’s super close to the gorgeous beach and the swank downtown area (Miraflores). I’m finally getting used to waking up early to teach (prime hours are from 6am-9am) and have been trying to make what remains of my morning productive, instead of opting for a drooling, facedown Netflix nap. I’m exercising quite a bit (I’m too cheap to use Uber regularly and too lazy to figure out most busses, which means most places I go… I’m running! [if you didn’t get the Forrest Gump reference, gtfo]. I feel like my Spanish has improved a lot, especially when talking to someone I am familiar with. Feras is coming to visit me at the end of November and we’ve almost got our whole Cuzco/Machu Picchu trip booked! The Lima portion of our trip includes reservations at the NUMBER 8 RESTAURANT IN THE WORLD, which happens to be in Lima and Japanese-Peruvian fusion. Also, in all honesty, I need to explore the historical center/sites of Lima.

Scrappies: Meygan got robbed in a taxi yesterday! But, she also jumped out of the cab, chased the dude in flip-flops, punched him so he lost his balance, and recovered most of her stuff. Sploosh. Also, I am not getting VIP Kid bookings quite as consistently as I would like, which is causing me to continually recalibrate just how broke I am willing to be when/if I come home. Finally, traveling around South America is pretty expensive :(. Flights are not like in Europe or Asia.

Goals: I just applied to a freelance writing job, so I’m hoping that could pan out for some extra cash. It looks like it would mainly be blogging and videos, so right up my alley. I also responded to a family who reached out to me to be their kids’ personal tutor/nanny? They own communal living spaces in Madrid (and sometimes Thailand and France) and want to move to Stinson beach to put their three young kids in a small public school system that is demographically diverse, near an urban center, and open to parent involvement. Essentially, they want me to coparent with them, focusing specifically on their kids’ educational development. It could be really cool, it could be a cult. They’re looking for someone to start in January, though, so I’m not sure I’ll be ready to be stateside again by then.

Cry Count: 2 (I booked an Uber then ran out of phone credit on my way to work. I cried in the street and the taxi drivers took pity on me and gave me a good rate and a ride to work).