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itsbenedict · 5 years ago

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Kingdoms and Koopas: Ep. 10

K&K is a Fate Accelerated campaign set in the Mario universe, which I’m running for three players:

Bee @thebeeskneesocks, playing Kandace Koopa

Jovian @jovian12, playing Cozmo Naut

Malky @sleepdepravity, playing Dr. Chevy Chain

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Previously on Kingdoms and Koopas, the party went and heroically crashed a spaceship into the ocean! They snagged a macguffin and a good time was had by all. Now, though, they find themselves on the roof of Kam Ekademy, amidst a brewing underground war between the two rival magic schools.

Which they promptly ignore to go shoot a movie with Zip Toad!

So the party, once again, falls out of the cloud of Ted, the Storm God, the location to which Kandace’s teleportation circle goes. Before anything else happens, Princess Opal, uh, has some business to attend to in the Magic Kingdom what with the alien invasion that was happening, so she leaves right away and I totally didn’t forget that she came through the portal with them for the entire session and this isn’t a retcon shut up.

So they see the unconscious body of Waluigi lying there, and pretty much ignore that, because who cares about that. What they take notice of is Ted the Storm God, who seems pretty dejected for some reason.

Apparently, Ted is feeling left out, because Kam Ekademy and Kammy Koopa’s Academy for Young Witches and Wizards have, y’know, gone to war in the secret tunnel system connecting the schools underground, but the other students at Kam Ekademy thought he’d just be a liability and wouldn’t let him come. (Kandace is briefly shocked, not by the war, but by how there were secret tunnels underneath the school and no one told her.)

As they’re debating getting involved, Chevy does what she does best whenever anyone proposes getting involved in anything, and just sort of rolls away. Off the roof of the castle. And crashes through a ceiling.

She falls into a classroom somewhere in Kam Ekademy, and notices the door leading out has a can of green paint precariously balanced on top, waiting to spill on whoever opens it. It was probably meant to fall on someone coming in from the outside, but since she took an... alternative entrance, the trap isn’t much to worry about. She knocks it down and proceeds outside.

...Where the hallway appears to be filled with swinging blade traps except instead of blades it’s big versions of those toy sticky hands.

She barely manages to dodge, when from behind her, the result of a failed spot check she made earlier begins to berate her. Iggy Koopa, who was lurking in wait in the classroom to ambush his would-be victim, is super upset that she ruined his ambush, and begins to attack! He also sounds the alarm, and more Koopalings come running.

Chevy attempts to escape, but here’s the thing: Chevy successfully escaping would be at odds with anything actually happening. Her driving motivation is to get out of all this nonsense and just go home, and splitting the party is no fun. So... this isn’t going to go her way. But in what way is it not going to go her way? That depends on what the rest of the party decides to do.

Let’s go check in on them.

Back up on the roof, another Lakitu arrives, having spotted them on the roof of Kam Ekademy from a distance with his camera. He tells them that shooting is going to start soon on Zip Toad’s new movie, the one Cozmo was hired to act in. So, Kandace and Cozmo have a choice to make: they can go investigate this underground magic war and be late for shooting, or they can go shoot a movie and let this underground magic war sort itself out.

Obviously they go for the movie. They get Ted’s phone number and promise to help him get involved in magic war later, and then they’re off- Kandace ferrying Cozmo on her broom.

So, that choice made, we can resolve what happens when Chevy tries to escape. What happens is that Larry, Lemmy, and Iggy all combine their magic to create a giant explosion, which blasts Chevy into the sky- directly in the direction of the party, as luck/contrivance would have it!

So Chevy gracefully lands on the broom, and the three of them-

-wait, no, that doesn’t happen. Chevy is a chain chomp who’s just been launched by an explosion. She’s basically a cannonball right now, and this is really not what anyone wants to have flying directly at them while balanced on a broom.

So Kandace tries to fire off her spell, the one she’s used before that makes things all puffy and lightweight, so Chevy’s bulk is reduced and they can catch her out of the air. She, uh, whiffs. So Chevy hits them and knocks them off the broom. But all is not yet lost! Chevy rolls to try to chomp onto the broom in a last-ditch effort to grab hold, and rolls a 6! So she chomps down extremely hard on the broom. Which, uh, almost breaks it in half, like you might expect. The broom is pretty badly damaged, now, and that in combination with Chevy’s additional weight, and the weight of her two compatriots who managed to grab onto her chain, means that the broom is now slowly sinking to the ground.

...Sorry, did I say ground? Let’s double-check something. They started at Kam Ekademy, they’re about halfway to the shooting location, and the shooting location is World 8-1, The Part That’s Supposed To Stop Mario But Doesn’t- a twisty bridge over lava leading to Bowser’s Castle. Let me take a look at the map...

Okay, yes, the broom is now slowly sinking to the lava. That’s a more accurate way to put it.

Thankfully, they’re not alone- there’s the Lakitu cameraman there with them! Now, he’s got his fishing line, which he could use to haul them up and slow their descent enough to glide to safety up on the bridge, but... well, it’s got a big expensive film camera attached. Someone’s going to need to hold onto the camera and hold on to Chevy’s chain while dangling over lava, which sounds difficult. Plus, the natural Approach to use for such a feat would be Careful, a stat which neither Kandace nor Cozmo (the only party members with hands) have in abundance. In fact, I think it might literally be 0 for both of them. ...Yep.

So this would likely end in disaster, except that they have an advantage: the GM is weak to puns.

Cozmo, see, has a very high Flashy stat. And the object in question is a camera.

So he rolls Flashy, he does well, he doesn’t drop the camera into the lava, and they actually make it to the set for Zip Toad’s new movie! And, given that I didn’t exactly plan this option out in detail (my pages of notes for the underground magic war will need to be adapted), I let them decide how this movie was going to go.

The basic outline: it's a fast and furious type racing movie. Cozmo is the gruff and stuck-up career street racer, while Zip Toad is the fresh-faced rookie trying to prove himself. But when a giant chain chomp (played by some toads in a papier-mache prop) starts chewing up the other racers, they have to work together to put it down and save street racing!

Everything else? Up to them.

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youtube

The racetrack. Under the ash-choked skies of the Lava Kingdom, the Outrageous Racing League carries on their sacred mission: to totally shred. Blargg’s Oven, the most dangerous course in the league, is the site of the Outrageous Championship- and there’s only one man intense enough to take home the cup.

Racer X, the mysterious masked daredevil on his tricked-out ebon dirtbike, refuses to lose. It seems as though he’s falling behind- but then, with a burst of speed, he zooms forward and bumps another racer off the edge of track into the burning abyss below. Surely that was an accident, right? Where’s the ref to make the call?

Ref? What ref?! This is the Outrageous Championship! Racer X smashes three more racers off the edge to their fiery dooms. He’s going to win... at any cost.

This scene reflects off the cool shades of another racer. An extreme closeup of his determined expression fills the screen.

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Kandace is wearing a lot of hats today- she’s part of the crew running special effects, using her magic, but she’s also got a brief speaking role. And now, she’s filling in for the safety crew, as one of the Stunt Guys plunges towards the lava and the Lakitu trying to catch them fumbles their rod. She telekinetically saves the stunt biker, and now has a little blackmail on that Lakitu. No one has to know they messed up, right?

...Also, there’s the sound of an explosion from over by the schools in the distance. It’s, um, probably fine.

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It’s after the qualifying race, and finally, our hero is here. Ace McQueen Junior Jr. (don’t blame me, I let them name the characters) is sussing out this Racer X. He starts by trying flattery, asking how X pulled those cool stunts- and then smoothly transitions into questioning. He didn’t mean to knock those racers to their deaths, right?

“Tch.”

X claims he didn’t even notice he bumped anyone. They’re just that far beneath him- he isn’t about to take stock of each and every greenhorn he spots when his eyes are on the prize. Pure focus.

We see Ace McQueen Junior Jr.’s eyes narrow behind his shades. Racer X is a liar, and he’s clearly more than willing to fight dirty to win. He tosses off a cool one-liner and heads off to prepare for the next race.

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Filming is interrupted by a sound from the direction of the school. This time, it’s not an explosion- it’s the sound of music. Kandace, actually, recognizes the tune, though not its full significance. She remembers one of her teachers, Professor Wizzerd, humming a few bars of it while teaching one of the basic spells in a Magikoopa’s arsenal. The spell in question was the Invocation of So’nee- a useful cantrip that calls on the power of the ancient sealed horror So’nee, a being anathema to this world. The Invocation of So’nee fires a magical structure shaped like So’nee’s unholy symbols (the Cross, the Halo, the Plane, and the Mountain, shaped like an X, O, ◻, and ◁), which serve as a base for all manner of other magical effects that can be stacked on top of it.

Why a song invoking So’nee is coming from the direction of the schools... is unknown. And probably fine! They have a movie to shoot!

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An indistinct shape beneath bandages lies on a bed in the infirmary. This poor soul is being treated for his horrible burn wounds, and we see a crying figure leave the room.

Racer X is suddenly slapped across the face- a koopa in a pit crew outfit has struck him. It’s confusing- he’s not racing right now, there’s no prize to win. What idiot would waste their chance to strike outside of battle? She’s crying, she’s telling him that her brother will never recover, never walk again, and how could he be so horrible?

He blows her off. Who cares if he destroyed her brother’s life? He was in the way of Racer X- and anyone who does the same will suffer the same fate. He stalks away, unconcerned. She’s not one of his opponents.

The camera pans over and around a corner. Ace McQueen Junior Jr. heard everything.

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Chevy, meanwhile, is waiting down by the trailers, at the base of the bridge supports out of sight of the cameras. She’s waiting for this to be over- since no one’s actually gotten injured yet, thanks to Kandace’s quick thinking, this impromptu set medic gig has been pretty boring. There’s a brief earthquake from the direction of the schools, but that’s probably fine.

Then someone in a nearby trailer starts demanding things from her, like she’s some kind of errand boy. He wants three full buckets of garlic, and he wants them NOW!

Chevy doesn’t care. Chevy ignores him. He won’t be ignored, and escalates his verbal abuse. Chevy responds by bodily ramming into and knocking over his stupid trailer.

The man who, furious, climbs out of the trailer... is a short, heavyset fellow with a big pink nose and motorcycle gear, who- holy cow, picks up and swings the entire trailer at her and knocks her into the lava. Chevy is, however, made of metal, so it’ll take at least ten minutes in the lava before she begins to melt. She swims back to shore, uncomfortably hot and glowing red for her trouble. She keeps her distance from the freaky-strong trailer man.

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It’s the semifinals, and Ace McQueen Junior Jr. and Racer X are neck-and-neck. It’s almost a dead heat- and then Racer X makes his move. We zoom in on his handlebars, and we see his wheels kick up dirt as he veers sharply to the side. They’re approaching a dangerously thin stretch of track, and as they do so, Racer X closes in, meaning to ram Ace McQueen Junior Jr. off the edge.

And then Ace McQueen Junior Jr. does, to Racer X, the unthinkable: he slams on the brakes. He slows down, on purpose- an impossible maneuver which leads to Racer X throwing himself off the edge of the course.

Just as he goes over the edge, we see one impeccably-manicured hand shoot over the edge and grab Racer X’s glove, saving his life. But not so for his chances of winning- the ebon dirtbike calls into the lava and melts, in a visual callback to the first Metal Mario movie. It’s unclear how they’re going to edit in the bike giving a thumbs-up in post.

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Then there is a sound. The inhuman, robotic singing voice in the distance halts, and a deep, magically amplified voice bellows “HATSU, HATSU, HATSU”. Dead silence falls- the rumbling is over, the music is over, the probably-apocalyptic situation has been probably-resolved. Or something,

Finally, it’s time to film the big climax. The giant chain chomp needs to show up- and first, the producer- well, the "production assistant", but the real producer, as opposed to Zip Toad who just puts his name on everything, Mauve the Goomba- begs Chevy to be in the film, because the papier-mache chomp looks terrible and she really wants this to be a hit. Chevy agrees (taking her Rich up to 5), on the condition that they add a scene showing that the monster chomp used to be a normal person. She films a brief scene in the FX trailer, where the unnamed chomp scientist (breaking stereotypes!) suffers a lab accident with radioactive chemicals or something, with some camera trickery to imply that as she falls unconscious, she is beginning to grow. Soon, there’ll be a giant rampaging dog-beast destroying everything (un-breaking stereotypes! whew, close one.)

There's a problem, though: the prop chomp had a special compartment for actors who were "eaten" to hide in, but no such compartment exists inside a real one. Enter Kandace with an idea: hey, she can teleport people, right? So she scribes a teleport circle on Chevy's tongue, and then Chevy eats a Mega Mushroom, growing her and the circle such that the devoured stunt guys are harmlessly teleported away when she eats them alive.

Problem, though: wouldn't that alarm Ted? So they call him up, promising to explain why this random-crap-portal stuff has been happening to him. Kandace lies through her teeth, claiming that it's just stuff that this giant chain chomp eats getting teleported to his digestive system and coming out his mouth, because of magic stomach stuff. He's like, what? It doesn't come out my mouth, it comes out my cloud. And she explains, no, it's your magic digestive system, y'know. Ted is not smart- he has a clever of -1, actually- but it’s not a very good lie, so it’s not hard. Maybe he'll get a good roll!

He believes this harder than anyone has ever believed any lie, ever.

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“We need to stop this thing! If we don’t...!”

“...Illegal street racing... could be done for!”

Ace McQueen Junior Jr. and Racer X, both on standard-issue bikes, are speeding down the hill as the giant monster chain chomp pursues them. Teeth snap at their back tires, and they just barely manage to keep ahead. But as they flee, they see a gap in the course, where the giant chomp previously emerged from the lava.

“...Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I don’t think. I do.”

Ace McQueen Junior Jr. and Racer X speed towards the gap at high speed, then fork in two different directions, going straight up a couple of natural ramps and backflipping into the sky. They come down on top of the giant chain chomp- and now, as it rolls onward, large enough to clear the gap, they’re right on top. Their engines rev as they match pace with the chomp’s rotation, keeping their balance on the monster’s head.

“...X, watch out!”

The chomp’s mouth is coming around as it rolls, and they need to jump it! They pull it off once, but the second time Racer X seems to stumble, his bike slipping and flying off the side. He gets snagged on a tooth, cutting his arm open a bit, but Ace McQueen Junior Jr. reaches down a hand and pulls him up. This was definitely in the script, and not the actor messing up. Luckily, good camerawork captures this inspiring moment.

Racer X gets on Ace McQueen Junior Jr.‘s bike, and the two of them work together to do one last sick stunt! They fly up into the air, there’s an inspiring slow-mo closeup, and then... the camera spins and wheels around, obscuring exactly what it is that just happened that led to their stunt causing the chain chomp to go flying into the lava. But it happens! And it’s incredibly rad!

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Now for a problem: when Chevy does her stunt fall into the lava, she, oops, gets a bunch of lava in her mouth. And into the portal in her mouth. So that a bunch of lava sprays out of the portal.

Ted subsequently proclaims himself the Volcano God and nearly incinerates some Stunt Guys, until Chevy spits out the lava and ends his fun. Booooo. With that, and some medical attention for the Guys, the movie is over!

...so, anyway, I’m about to spring a moderately apocalyptic situation on everyone, when I realize: Kandace still has the Music Key taken from the Orbital Doom Casa. She never handed it in to Kammy Koopa. So... as was the case prior to the filming of this movie, Kammy Koopa does not possess all four Music Keys. And so... nothing bad happens. Yet.

So after they wrap filming, Chevy pays to fix Kandace's broom out of her stunt wages, and then they're off to the school war to investigate the aftermath. (Cozmo’s going to have to miss the afterparty, sorry.)

Next time: something big happened while Chain Chomp Run was being filmed, and now it’s time to figure out what it was and what to do about it.

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#zip toad #just to be perfectly clear: zip toad is not some sort of flying superhero in this movie #it's mostly bike stunts #he just uses that tagline on half his movies because he thinks it's cool #kingdoms and koopas

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 8 years ago

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categorized and generalized all the types of tumblr aesthetics i have come across.

I have been going through archives for the last five years on tumblr now, and i can’t help but notice that a lot of blogs are the same. There seems to be a pattern in the sorts of aesthetics i run up against. So, in my exhaustion, i tried coming up with all the different aesthetics, and i tried to put them into certain categories. Obviously, some of these categories are mixed with others.

PORN TUMBLR

-general porn

-lesbian/gay general

-kinky stuff

-daddy dom stuff - tied up boobies

-bears

-just unrealistic nudes

-just realistic nudes

-vintage porn, and occasionally porn that is so old that it was drawn by someone in the 1800′s

- hentai and erotic animal people cartoon characters going at it

-person who took about five pictures of themselves naked five years ago who has not come back

RICH KID TUMBLR

-super modelesque kids in their super rich cool kid clothes and fashion in Starbucks taking pictures of their food and their trips to Europe in 1st class

- incredibly expensive looking sunglasses

-rich kid travel blogs with hundreds of thousands of notes of pictures from rich people buildings

-quotes that say 'be happy' or stuff about saying anyone can just travel anywhere at any time, just the general advice you might get from someone who doesn't know how the other half lives

- cats

VINTAGE TUMBLR

-the greatest generation stuff, forgotten early hollywood actors/actresses, very old movie gifs, Theda Bara, Clara Bow, Carol Lombard, early Joan Crawford, Gone with the Wind ect..

-50's, 60's and 70's, Nancy Sinatra, Brigitte Bardot, Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn – generally a lot of Audrey Hepburn

-Posts old advertisements and old cars, sometimes old toys, a few pinups, vintage comics, kinda weird

- vintage toy blogs - just toys, named and dated

-sometimes retrospace stuff

-sometimes just old comic book stuff

FEMINIST/ GENDER STUDIES TUMBLR

-intersectional feminists who post mostly text and back and forth writings, sometimes they fight

-radfems and turfs, unpopular minority of angry at the intersectional feminists

- Fat Acceptance movement, chubby bunnies

-other girl's selfies, lots of girl power related drawings of gender symbols and the like, Grimes, being a witch, Courtney Love, sailor moon, and so forth, sometimes bleeds into soft grunge

-topics on transgender, gender fluid and others that have informative

- asexual community

BLACK LIVES MATTER TUMBLR

-black lives matter awareness, police brutality, pointing out flaws in legal system

-lovely stylish selfies

-call outs of racism, lots of dialogue, and the extension of twitter

80's + 90's GIF TUMBLR

-like gifs of scratched up VCR obscure film openings, and repetitious obscure 80's gifs in general, everything is fuzzy and looks like it came from an 80' infomercial, kinda makes you feel scared

-90's gifs of Pee Wee Herman, Catdog, Clarissa Explains it All, Chucky Cheese, Fruit by the Foot, Beavus and Butthead, Bart Simpson, and so on

HIPPIE TUMBLR

-just like the rich kidz, only they have white kid dreads and post a lot of vanlife stuff, lots of festivals

-mostly psychedelic gifs, with occasional trippy art, Foster the People is their favorite band

-real hippies, who post pictures of communes and people making tyed dye things, nonsexual nudes with hairy women, Grateful Dead stuff

-Buddhist and Hindu quotes, sometimes lilies

SOFT GRUNGE TUMBLR

purple and pink skies, water, windows with lace

girls with pale skin and perfect make up, and chokers, bruises, sparkly skin

mermaid texture, mermaid hair colors

Lana Del Rey

kind of like 90's only more melty and pink

quotes about good vibes

Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless mind reference

moon print

dream pop bands from the early 90's

GROWN UP SOFT GRUNGE TUMBLR

picture of Uma Thurman overdosing in Pulp Fiction

lots and lots of flowers

lots of sensual pictures of pale skin under certain lighting

albino people

albino animals

pictures of sunrises

Reykjavic

kind of like the Soft Grunge, but just a little bit more subtle and film tumblry

ART BLOG TUMBLR

old roman art

chinese, japanese and korean art from long ago

renaissance and medieval art with religious context

just like medieval art of specifically torture

18th and 19th century portrait paintings

Scenic paintings of hills, Van Gogh, Toulouse-Lautrec, Monet

Dada, Pablo Picasso, Jackson Pollock, Salvador Dali, Andy Warhol, Adolph Wolfie

Modern art that is squiggly, slimy, and bizzare, breaks art rules but looks good, David Shrigley

Modern Surrealists

ARTIST BLOG TUMBLR

posts really great homemade gifs that nobody knows about infrequently

blogs that only have the artwork of the blog owner – generally post infrequently and not given enough credit ever, except maybe one of there works has a whole bunch of notes

person who keeps painting the same thing over and over again and does it a lot for years at a time, 0 notes usually – who are you??

collage artists that mix 50's scenes with hyperspace backdrops

FILM BLOG TUMBLR

-Stanley Kubrick, Jean Cocteau, lots of black and white french films

-that movie where the two people are sitting on the ledge of a building and the other one jumps off

Clockwork Orange

-Paris, Texas

David Lynch

Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks (gets stolen by other kinds of blogs frequently)

Wim Wenders,

Rare film art from Poland in the 70's

Jans Svankmajer

Man Ray, Max Ernst,

cool quotes by philosopher, artist, psychologist, or film director

Amelie

sometimes Wes Anderson

PHOTOGRAPHY TUMBLR

abandoned places, gas stations, archaic cafes, falling apart amusement parks

uses too much dark fade out in the background pictures of fields and stuff, overused filtering – posted a ton three years ago and then left

just photostock

girl who takes pictures of herself in costume

Nature pictures, animal pictures ect..

person who just takes pictures of textures and minimalist buildings – usually colorful

person who's personal Instagram picture just automatically post to tumblr also, probably never checks up, usually pictures of them with friends as a pub

Indigenous pictures from around the world, some of them from books, some from National Geographic, some from other places

Super old pictures from old newspapers, the great depression, WW2 – generally black and white

MUSIC TUMBLR

Really likes Led Zeppelin, The Doors and The Who, sometimes mixed with other vintage, often posts the same pictures and songs for years – you feel bad because no new music will be coming out from these artists

super cheesy Van Halen, Kiss, Styx, Ozzy person, Big Hair, likes 80's pin ups and skulls, sometimes into martial arts

super cheesy death metal fan, lots of pinups, corny black and white pictures of skulls and such

REALLY likes British Invasion, The Zombies, The Kinks, The Hollies, The Animals, will occasionally post Detroit girl groups from the 60's, some Velvet Underground, pictures of the Beatles girlfriends

Just David Bowie, Lou Reed, Patti Smith and Iggy Pop. Maybe some New York Dolls

Old Blues and Jazz, Etta James, Son House, Nina Simone, pictures of Leadbelly and Howlin' Wolf and especially Miles Davis

really into post punk, Nick Cave, Siouxsie, Bauhaus, The Cure, Einsturzende Neubauten, Lydia Lunch, PJ Harvey and Rowland S. Howard, sometimes Morrissey. also generally mixes film and art blog stuff in with occasional feminist things

Just Morrissey, they call him Moz.

Fan clubs for specific bands that are newer and popular like Arctic Monkeys or Fallout Boy, but also ones blogs that really like emo lyrics from early 2000's and such – scene kids that are still scenin' it up

loves Jens Lekman, Belle and Sebastian, The Magnetic Fields and The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Cigarettes After Sex. Usually posts really cute modern art, and uses tumblr mostly for writing, has the cutest hair cut and can pull off overalls, never posts too little or too much, extremely twee

HISTORY TUMBLR

ancient mesopotamia, greek and Egyptian history and relics

Blogs that are specifically about one place in one era - Ancient Russia, Ireland before it was taken over, precolonial India and so on

Samurai, Geisha, and scrolls

Swords, knights, castles, kings of Europe in general

Specific Wars, examples: 7 Years War, Revolutionary War, WW1 + 2

France from before the revolution – pictures of wigged men, Napoleon, Marie Antoinette

Jane Austen time era anything 18th and 19th century, slight excuse to post lots of Pride and Prejudice gifs with Keira Knightly and that Mr. Darcy in the rain

Outfits – just outfits that are really old

person who is obsessed with the Nazis and seems to like Hitler

Flappers and earlier 20th – often an excuse to post gifs of Downton Abbey

Vintage books, often children books, but sometimes others

DESIGN TUMBLR

really fucked up pictures of the Simpsons melting and stuff

gradient graphic art with symbols or words meant to convey a product that I don't understand for an obscure magazine subscription

graphic squiggles without form, minimalist graphic pictures of beach balls, tennis bats, and sneakers

bizarre smiley faces made from smaller smiley faces

80's inspired design

odd looking models with undercuts and no eyebrows

cartoon dogs and cats

just static and glitches. Nothing more, nothing less

either they make their own graphic designs and they rarely post, or they compile reblogs of everyone else's and they post all the time

WEIRDO TUMBLR

insane family pictures of family who all has mullet dressed as bumble bees

Lots of Robert Crumb, some vintage stuff, but nothing remotely main stream

Some of the modern art, but only the weirdest of it

claymation masks

Comix

Moebius

art from early Power Point

100 piece sculptures with melted toys

paintings of monsters

Steve Brule

children's fan art of Smokey the Bear – looks disturbing

Items that are too kitschy to be accepted by your average vintage indie blog

sometimes a specific blog centered around some kind of crazy event where everyone dresses completely insane

POLITICAL TUMBLR

the communists and Marxists

a mixture of BLM and LGBTQ stuff

the libertarians, anarchocapitalists, Ayn rand folk

the left wing anarchists, freegans, graffiti punks, garden punks, possums

informative left wing news that explains to us everyday how the GOP is fucking us

alt. right creeps who are simply here to be trolls and upset everyone else – anti SJW, that stupid frog, nationalists, trump supporters and such – irrelevant poorly thought memes

I miss Obama memes

Bernie Sanders forever and always folk

RAINBOW TUMBLR

pictures of rainbow candies, toys, designs, clothing and so forth all of it rainbow

people who post one color at a time, so when you go through their archive it's all gradient and neat looking – usually the pictures are a little stock photoish though

HALLOWEEN TUMBLR

Betty Page

The Cramps. Reverend Horton Heat

Psychobilly pin ups, old cars, burning skulls, vintage B horror movies, The Swamp Thing

Legitimately obsessed with the activities of Halloween – posts witches, devils, trick or treat candy, Bella Lugosi, The Monster Mash, Halloween decoration - and doesn't ever forget how many days away Halloween is

Jack the Skeleton

Freddy Krueger

FANCLUB TUMBLR

Superwholock

Hannigram

American Horror Story

K Pop and J Pop + Korean Drama

boy bands in general

Hamilton

My Little Ponies

Ghibli Studios

Various anime shows

fat Disney princesses

Super heroes

Pokemon

Big Bang Theory

Mighty Boosh

Monty Python

Phantom of the Opera

Labyrinth

Vampire Chronicles

Orange is the New Black

Breaking Bad

Alice in Wonderland

Harry Potter

Star Wars

Steven Universe

Adventure Time

Game of Thrones and Walking Dead

any television show really

Furry cartoons

lots of spacy quick anime chibi versions of characters who are hooking up and wouldn't normally in the show

scenes from movies with subtext that comes from a different movie or show

probably countless others i am not thinking of.

SPECIALTY TUMBLR

serial killer blogs

unexplained mysteries, ghosts, ufo's

pictures of galaxies with information (not sparkly silly ones with no context)

sewing and yarn

precious stones

cars

just gardening

just cats

religious blogs, either Islam, Christian, Jewish, Hindu or Buddhist

specific animal blogs, snake, spiders, wild cats and such

science blogs about technology and stuff

NATURE TUMBLR

stock photoish pictures of camp grounds and misty mountains – often taken by the hippies

angelic looking deer, and occasional animal burials with flowers'

person who takes pictures of flowers all the time

granola type fellow who loves juicing and backpacking – doesn't get on tumblr much

BLACK AND WHITE GOTH TUMBLR

slenderman fan art, actually just about anything creepypasta related

you have to turn off the music when you visit their page because it's just too much

fan art of black eyed children

slit wrists

pictures that were turned into Gifs because they shake

taxidermy

screamo lyrics

Alice in wonderland with X's for eyes

gothic models

occasional serial killer

skulls and references to Edgar Allan Poe

GIF MEME TUMBLR

just a sea of Gifs and memes relating to anything about life ever – almost shitposting but not quite

eventually one of the gifs got 100,000 notes for it's relatability so they get a lot of traffic

lots of pictures and circumstances from The Office, Parks and Rec, and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Nihilist memes

SOFTY TUMBLR

kind of a little girl dom thing going on

Kawai and lots of Japanese girls

cute colorful make up

plushies and toys

references to fantasy cartoons from the 80's, the last unicorn, or that one with the girls in that band

Polly Pockets, Furbies, trolls

gifs of stars and hearts

Sailor Moon

pink bedroom

baby animals

occasionally more on the vintage kitschy side

WICCA TUMBLR

ravens, bats, candles

pentacles and other symbols

crystals

sometimes there is dreads

occasionally, it is a serious practicing Wicca who posts spells and gives witch advice

lots of personal reflections

boobs

GROSS TUMBLR

Tim and Eric, Steve Brule centered blog that are mostly in the act to make you feel queezy

like, people eating cheerios with ketchup and people wearing shoes with the soles cut out, people putting their feet in spagetti, bad tattoos on foreheads

snails, beetles, bird doing mean things to people

mostly moldy things, moss, strange dolls

things that look like they came from the dark crystal,

delapitating bedrooms that once belonged to a little girl, torn wall paper, old porcelain dolls that are slightly upsetting

Clowns

occasionally a blog so gross you will be ruined for having seen it – Two Girls one Cup sort of thing

NERD TUMBLR

old video game start up pages

Super Mario Bros.

Other video game characters

chibis of video game characters interacting with one another

Final Fantasy references

randomly doesn't post for a year

SELF HELP TUMBLR

blog that gives dumb advice that only works if you were already happy anyway

either semi fake or oversimplified 'psyche facts'

blogs from people who suffer from addiction or mental illness and want help and use their blog to vent

blogs ran by people who enjoy crystal meth and don’t give a fuck.

worthy of mentioning, blogs that nobody ever posted a single thing or just one thing, like, really cryptic blogs that nobody could ever understand, blogs that were taken over by some kind of virus and they are trying to sell you male pattern baldness remedies, or they are now call absurdly pornographic things because the virus took over and now they are like blonde cumfuck creampie or something of that nature, and blogs were the person was basically saying they have found a girlfriend/boyfriend now and don’t need tumblr anymore so goodbye

and in my experience ...

anybody can post pictures of jiggly boobs

anybody can post Grace Jones

anybody can post a Bjork song

these seem to be universal truths that defy limitations

#text

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ff15trashgoldenslumbers · 8 years ago

Note

Hey would you mind doing a extra fluffy gladio x reader or either some ignis x reader~~~ if u do thank you so much. Iggy and gladio are best chocobros~~

Iggy and Gladio are two of my favorite Chocobros (my other two favorites are Noctis and Prompto) ﾟ･✿ヾ╲(｡◕‿◕｡)╱✿･ﾟ

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day 0

You grunted, standing on the tips of your babydoll shoes, trying your hardest to get the red spine book. Your pastel pink finger nails barely getting the item, only to gasp, as a large tan hand suddenly reached out plucking the book off for you. Turning as you had to step back to look at the giant man beside you, your book currently in his hand.

“This the one you’re after?”

He was so tall, easily dwarfing you, you hardly came to his shoulder, your small hand reaching to grab the book, as you noticed the large fingers took over much of the book. “Thank you.”

A huge smile played over his face, “So what is that?”

Your eyes lit up, as you beamed, explaining the book excitedly without trying to give away the plot, the tall man following after you as you went to the counter to pay conversating. His arms full of books himself, the two of you paying, still in conversation about your favorite books.

“Too bad that’s the last copy, it sounds interesting.” He chuckled, holding the door open for you, as you exited the bookshop.

You turned to the large man, your eyes fluttering as you reached into your reusable shopping basket, pulling out the red book. “Please barrow it, I’ve read it hundreds of times.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mmhm, just so long as you tell me your name.” You giggled, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“Gladiolus, and you?”

You smiled giving your name, a name like Gladiolus seemed to fit him perfectly,

Day 7

Gladiolus groaned, as he ran through the streets of Insomnia, his phone clinched tightly in his hand, he was only 15 minutes late, maybe you were still there! As he skipped through the park, avoiding couples, and vaulting children, he saw you there, sitting on the park bench, a lilac sundress to your knees, a pair of flats on your feet, a large sunhat on your head.

“Y/N, sorry I’m late!” He called, he was running late due to an issue at the Castle with a visiting Princess that just couldn’t seem to understand that Prince Noctis was off the market now.

He watched you stand from the bench, dusting out your dress, before turning to him with a large smile outlined in pink, “You’re fine! Perfectly on time, I was worried I’d be too early.”

Gladiolus beamed, as he motioned toward the walkway, you had both opted for a walk in the park for your first date. The man had actually gotten the nerve to ask you, when he returned the book, having slipped is number between the pages. The man almost suffered a heart attack, when you texted him late that night.

As the two of you moved through the park, Gladiolus looked down to you, you looked so cute, and so small, where you smaller that Iris? His large hand reached out to your small one hanging by your side, his pointer finger reaching out to your pinky, as he wrapped it around your small finger.

His heart seemed to skip a beat as you turned to him with large eyes, before wrapping your small hand within his own, watching as it engulfed the small manicured hand.

Day 39

You panted heavily, following after the man, you had traded your normal cute fluffy dresses for what you hoped was an adorable one piece knock off park ranger attire, leggings and calf high army boots. Trying to go with the flow of what your boyfriend had picked as your grand date for the evening, since he had the weekend off.

You promised him that you were fine with whatever, but maybe you should have mentioned that hiking up a mountain the size of the castle was a little out of your range. The most exercise you got was from rearranging your mountain of stuff animals at home on your bed.

“You okay?” Gladiolus chuckled, reaching a hand out, as you nodded. “Hurry, I don’t want you to miss the best part.”

You nodded, again, taking his hand, as he begun to pace up the mountain, one of his single strides matched 4 of your own, you both must have looked a sight, going up the mountain side. This tall hunk of a man, being chased after his small fluffy girlfriend.

As you reached the cliff he was leading you both toward, a large boulder overlooking the forest as to which you had currently hiked through. It looked like a landscape painting, yet hundreds of times more beautiful, the colors playing against each other.

“Gladiolus this is beautiful!” You beamed, as he led you over to a large boulder. You watched as he jumped up first, crossing his legs before leaning over, pulling you up before depositing you in his lap.

“I think so too, but it’s perfection with you.” He smiled, wrapping his arms around your waist, resting his chin between your pigtails.

The two of you sat like that until the sunset, and the stars begun to play in the sky.

Day 93

“I mean who else could put up with this guy?” Prompto chuckled playfully to Gladiolus.

Ignis adjusted his dress shirt, as he sat at the restaurant’s table, “She must be quite the excitement if she’s caught your eye so well.”

“Or she’s completely insane.” Noctis cracked, fidgeting with his collar of his dress shirt, sitting beside Prompto.

Gladiolus chuckled, nothing his friends could say would ruin this, he was going to introduce you to his them, no other girl got this honor. So the fact that he sat up this meet and greet at the one of the nicest restaurants in the city, and talked so highly of you, made the others wonder just what kind of woman the big guy fell for.

“She’s gotta be strong and super sassy to deal with you.” Prompto stated, “Or like some kind of model.”

Gladiolus chuckled, as he looked to the private room door, where his group was currently held up, only to smile as the maitre d entered the room, leading you in. You looked so cute, in your navy blue cocktail dress, cute little pearls around your neck, red lipstick on your lips, as you smiled sweetly toward the table, hands clenching at your small clutch.

“Y/n!” Gladiolus called, as he moved over to you, clearing the room quickly, as he leaned down placing a kiss to your cheek taking your clutch. “Nervous?”

You wrapped your arm around the man’s strong arm, that he offered, “A little, what if they don’t like me?”

“I don’t care, I like you.”

You smiled, as the big guy led you over to the table, where everyone was already staring at you as you both drew closer all 3 of them moved to their feet. You quickly recognized the darker hair man, as the Prince stopping before the table, as you removed one hand from Gladiolus’ bicep, which you currently had a death grip on. Holding out the hem of your skirt and petticoat underneath.

Nodding your head, as bowed, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Prince Noctis.” You called in your soft sweet voice, so at odds with your boyfriend, watching those blue eyes studying you, before a small smile.

“You too.”

A smile on your face, Gladiolus was right, Noctis was actually just any other guy, but with a title. Your eyes turned to the spectacle man, who was almost as tall as your Gladiolus, as he held out his hand.

“Ignis Scientia.” He introduced himself, as he placed a kiss to the back of your hand as you introduce yourself. “We’ve heard quite a bit about you.”

You giggled softly, “I hope it was all pleasant.”

Gladiolus chuckled as he patted your hand still holding onto his bicep, “That runt over there is Prompto.”

You held out your small manicured hand to the blonde who was staring at you, almost as if you were a Chocobo. “It’s nice to meet you Prompto.” You smile, as he almost on autopilot reached out taking your small hand.

“Nice to meet you too.”

“Here, babe.” Gladiolus called, leading you over to the two empty seats between Ignis and Prompto. The man holding out your chair, as you sat down beside Prompto, almost immediately a menu being placed in your hands by the waiter.

Gladiolus chuckled, as he sat between you and Ignis, the others seemed to really take a shine to you, as your soft voice entered into the conversation. Entertaining Prompto with a giggle every so often, a smile to Ignis as you answered his questions. While Noctis seemed rather happy you treated him like anyone else, and dropped the honors after that one permission.

“It’s just amazing that, the big guy would get someone as awesome as you.” Prompto laughed, seeing the large guy hold your small pink cardigan as you all departed for the evening.

Gladiolus watched as you placed a hand to your red lips giggling softly, “I’m the lucky one.”

Day 308

“Thank you so much for worrying Ignis.” You smiled, sitting in the man’s office, as he placed a cup of tea before you.

“It’s the least I can do after you came all this way to pick him up.” Ignis smiled.

“It’s like the first time that Iris came.” Noctis stated, laid on the couch opposite of you, supposedly hiding from some event.

“Oh, Gladiolus told me about that, it was so sweet of you to look after her Noctis.” You giggled before taking a drink of your tea. Ignis was amazing, he always made such amazing food.,

Everyone in the room turning as Gladiolus entered the room, staring in confusion at his girlfriend on the couch conversing with his friends, as if it were some tea party. “Y/N are you okay?”

You blinked those large eyes, as you approached the man, “I’m sorry, it just started to rain and I knew you left your umbrella at home, so I came to walk you home.”

Gladiolus turned to the others in the room, knowing it was just like the two of them to let you in, and not have you wait outside in the rain. “I’ll be a little longer.”

“Don’t worry about it, Specs and I can keep her entertained.” Noctis stated, as he sat up.

“That is so long as Y/n does not mind.” Ignis replied.

You gasped, “ I don’t want to impose, I really only came to drop off your umbrella.”

“It would be no trouble at all.” Ignis smiled softly.

Day 401

Gladiolus groaned as he sat on the large ottoman in the center of the dressing room of the store you and Iris had dragged him in.

“Iris, come out.” You cooed, to the younger sibling.

“Are you sure that this looks good on me?” Iris asked, as she exited the dressing room.

“You look adorable, isn’t that right Gladdy?” You gasped hands clasped to your chest.

Gladiolus gave a thumbs up, since introducing you to his family all those months ago, the young Amicita took a huge shine to you. He was extremely worried that at the dinner table Iris would be upset at having her older brother stolen from her, yet instead found that she adored your fashion style, and the two of you had scheduled an outing for the next day.

Yet Gladiolus just couldn’t seem to understand why you two always seemed to drag him out on your Girl’s Day.

Day 544

“Babe, I said I’m sorry.” Gladiolus tried again, trying to stop his laugh, you looked so cute when you were grumpy.

“You don’t even know why you’re sorry.” You stated, pouting on the further end of the couch, your arms crossed, sinking into the man’s large tank top shirt. It honestly was a knee length gown on you, and hung low..

“I really don’t.” Gladiolus admitted, causing you to pout even further on your side of the couch.

“Change it!”

“Babe,”

“Change it now, Gladdy!”

Gladiolus chuckled, when you got feisty, your voice actually seemed to raise in octaves, making your already sweet voice, only more adorable. Biting his lip to stifle his laughter as you sent a frustrated glare at the man.

“Babe come on.”

You pouted further into your corner, before an idea sparked to mind, as you whimpered softly, “Gladdy, please.” You whispered, drawing your knees to your chest as you turned large tear filled eyes to the man.

Gladiolus quickly bounced from the couch, as he ran over to his phone, changing the horrid screen saver of you slurping down ramen noodles and winning the large stuff moogle pair for you and Iris, back to the actual cute picture you all took after you didn’t look a mess.

“Better?”

“Much!” You perked up immediately, holding out your arms, allowing the man beyond the cuddle embargo you had put up when you realized the horrid picture he had as his screensaver twenty minutes ago. You couldn’t intimidate like Gladiolus, but you had your ways to get the big guy to do what you wanted.

Day 675

“Carry me.” Gladiolus whined playfully, as he watched you moved back down to the trail to the campsite. He left it all up to you, when you stated that you wanted to lead the way, yet he didn’t complain as he knew where you were, but you unfortunately were lost.

“Gladiolus, I can’t carry you.” You called over your shoulder, you got this, than Gladdy couldn’t say you were just some city girl. You’d prove your handsome boyfriend, even if you died trying! And at this time it was more than likely going to happen.

“But my feet hurt.” Gladiolus replied.

“Are you imitating me?”

“Maybe…”

“When have I ever said my feet hurt?” You asked, checking the large boulder, did you pass that before?

“I just assume they always do, since all you wear are your heels.”

“I’m wearing boots!” You gasped offend, “We can’t all live off of 5 pairs of shoes Gladdy!”

“And I don’t understand how someone can have over 50 and still buy more.” He chuckled back, this was a conversation you both had frequently.

“I need them! You expect me to wear peep toe booties, with a cocktail navy dress?”

“I didn’t understand any of those words.”

You gave a playful frustrated groan, before looking over your shoulder sticking your tounge out to the man.

“Better put that away before I find some place to put it.” He smirked, as you gasped in mock horror.

“I am a lady, you ruffian! How dare you speak to me in such a tone! I shall give you such a lashing.”

Gladiolus chuckled as he walked over scooping you up over his shoulder, “I can think of something that needs lashings.”

“Gladdy!” You gasp, as a large hand swats your butt before he turned in the opposite direction. “Wait! You let me lead us in the wrong direction on purpose!”

Day 906

“You’re kidding me,”

“I promise I’m not.” You stated, holding the long bow, “My mother made me take lessons for years, I’m a pretty good shot.”

“I believe her!” Prompto cheered, as you called out a thanks to the blonde, it still threw you off that you were older than him and Ignis.

“Shall that bow prove fine for you, Y/N?” Ignis called.

“Yes, thank you.”

“All right, if you hit a bullseye, I’ll go shoe shopping with you, and I’ll take you to that cafe you’ve been dying to go to.” Gladiolus chuckled.

“Fine and if I can’t I won’t complain about your ramen addiction for a month, and will stop buying that lemon scent air fresher.”

“How about you stop buying that lemon scented air freshener because it stinks?”

“It smells like lemon cookies!” You protested, refusing to admit it smelled like household cleaner.

Placing the quiver on your back, you turned to the side, lining up your first shot, a perfect bullseyes, yet you really wanted to impress Gladiolus and show off for him and maybe a little to him. Keeping your arm up and body straight, you begun walking, hearing your platforms against the training room floor, as you shot another target, bullseye, than another, and another. Moving back to your first target, as you pulled your final arrow. Releasing it with a hard ‘thwack’ as it launched across the room, sticking to the end of the previous arrow.

“Oh boo!” You pouted, stomping a foot, “That should have went through.”

“That was incredible!” Prompto yelled in disbelief, causing you to jump, clinching the long bow to your chest, eyes widen like a scared deer.

“Remarkable, y/n.” Ignis called, applauding you, as your frighten deer sense disappeared.

“She might be a better shot than you, Prompt.” Noctis chuckled.

You blushed at the praise, maybe sneaking off with Iris to train every so often was paying off. Turning those large eyes to Gladiolus, you hardly got his name out before the man leaned forward cupping your face before pulling you into a kiss.

Day 1131

Gladiolus had been acting strange, and not his normal Gladiolus strange, the big guy had been fidgety and often left the house earlier, and arrived well after you went to bed. It felt as if you hadn’t seen the man in about 4 weeks. Than all of the sudden, he demands you drop all plans for this weekend and meet him at the park.

So here you sat by the large fountain, swinging your legs underneath your almost floor length tea dress meets ballgown, as you looked around for the large guy, he told you to dress nice, maybe you overdid it? Only to turn as you heard him calling you from the other side of the park, wearing the jacket you bought him, but it was so hot out.

“Gladdy.” You cheered, as he stood before you, “You look hot.”

Gladiolus chuckled, as he smoothed back his mohawk, “Only for you babe.”

You wanted to pout, but it only became a giggle, than a gasp as he knelt before you, “Gladiolus?”

“What, my shoes untied.” He stated tying his dress shoes.

This time you gave a playful pout, puffing up your cheeks, as you begun playfully swatting at his shoulders, even kneeling he came up to your shoulders. “You jerk!”

Gladiolus caught your playful attack, as he pulled you close, placing a kiss against your puffy cheek, “Have I ever told you that you’re super cute when you’re pouty?”

You stuck your tongue out to the man, as he stood, your arm immediately going into his, as you rested your head against his bicep, “So where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” Gladiolus replied, happy that you followed his instructions to put on your fancy clothes, because at this moment he was dying in all the layers he was wearing.

You had to admit, your Gladdy went all out to apologize for his absence in the last few weeks.

And outdoor restaurant, you table sat in the middle of a gazebo in the center of a lake. It was a combination of you and the big guy, romance and atmosphere for you, wild nature for him. You had all the time to gaze over the area where you just had a full course meal, before your large hunk of a boyfriend excused himself away to the bathroom. Wondering what was taking him so long.

“I hope he didn’t get sick.” You muttered, gasping as you turned hearing someone call your name,seeing a waitress. “Yes?”

“Please follow me, Mr. Amicitia requested your presence.”

You panicked, maybe he was sick, the guy lived off of ramen noodles, no matter how hard you tried to hide them. Following the waitress, across the boardwalk, as she seemed to be leading you further from the restaurant and further down the lake to a large gazebo, covered in white curtains.

“Mr. Amicitia is waiting for you.” The waitress called, as she parted the curtain only enough to allow you in.

As your eyes adjusted to the dim lantern lighting, you almost stumbled over your dress as you noticed Gladiolus center stage, kneeling in a white tuxedo, his hair smooth back from his face, holding a ring box.

“Gladdy,” You cried, stepping forward, hands to your mouth, as you tried stopping the tears, only to feel a few slip as he took your hand in one of his own.

“You are the first and last thing on my mind, everyday.” Gladiolus replied, that boyish smirk on his face that you fell in love with.“Will you marry me?”

“Yes!” Tears began to fall, your hands shaking as he slipped the small ring on your finger, admiring the band and gem in the center, that held a small stem of gladiolus. “Gladiolus.”

Gladiolus chuckled, as he scooped you up, placing a kiss to your lips, only to laugh as you flinched in his arms, at the loud popping noises. Your large eyes widen in shock, as everyone came from their hiding places applauding your new union.

“Smile!” Prompto called, as he lifted his trusty camera snapping a picture of the newly engaged couple.

Day 1251

“…Husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride.”

You didn’t even have time to squeak, as you felt Gladiolus dip you rather low, pressing his first kiss to his wife’s lips. Large eyes, and a blushing bride stood before all your family and friends, as you gasped feeling Gladiolus scoop you up in his arms, before quickly sprinting down the alley to your awaiting limo.

“I could have walked, Mr. Amicitia.”

“Yeah, but I wanted to have a little pre-honeymoon fun, Mrs. Amicitia.” Gladiolus chuckled, ducking into the car. “You always look so beautiful, but now.”

“Gladdy,” You cooed, as you cupped his face, “I only dress fancy for you.”

Gladiolus chuckled, as he pulled his small wife into his lap, pressing his lips to your own, pulling back as he whispered against your lips, “This is one of the best days of my life.”

You tilted your head, “One of the best?”

Gladiolus chuckled as he pulled you closer, “Yes, and I would like to make more.”

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