#..that you like It Its a different issue that I dont care about
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tbh dont sweat it, im just passionate abt birds as a side effect of really really Really liking wings,
anyways—late welcome to tumblr! many call it a hellsite due. Several Things. some of them being the eternally broken state of the site that is Not as noticeable casually, but once you know, you know 🧍♂️ but if you want a place where you can be 10 times more nuts and genuine about your interests, a place that is 3 out of 5 times ignored and/or forgotten by the rest of the internet and it's influences, and Also a place to ramble to your heart's content with enough words to (LEGIT]) fit the entirety of Frankenstein in a single post, youre in the right place
Let's start with what i mentioned in tags (which is kind of a secondary way of talking, that unlike adding words To the post itself im like im doing rn, is akin to whispering to the Original Poster (op) or the previous reblogger) of the blog themes:
Blog themes are, first of, activated in your Blog settings, not in the account settings, and it comes with the archive, which is exactly that: the blog archive that can show you Every Single Post that exists in your blog, original or reblogged, including private posts that are only seen by you. And actually, because you can also search in your archive by tag, many have created for themselves tag systems, from basic ones (simple stuff, like are most art tags or someone tagging "cats" and "image" in posts that have images and perhaps a kitty cat) to pretty meticulous ones (think dewey's decimal system. yeah.) (even tho searching tags sometimes doesnt work too well still...)
Second of, once the blog theme is available at [your url].tumblr.com, you can either go search for themes on the site in specific tags (like #theme hunter, #blog themes, #tumblr themes, etc), go to another person's blog and see who did their theme to get that one or a different one from that same theme creator or just. directly make your own if you have some knowledge on html, css and a bit of javascript. If it was made by someone else, its usually pretty easy to edit, and you can do the same with your side pages, where some people put their blog info, about, tag lists or anything really (tho, once i saw someone turn a side page into a space-invaders inspired webgame.... with scores...?)
Also, if you want some privacy, in your main blog settings you can toggle a thing to hide your likes and following. Really, nobody here minds that sorta thing, we dont even know most ppl follower count unless they share it voluntarily. And if anyone Ever tries to moralize keeping likes and following visible, saying that ppl hiding them are suspicious, you can just block them and thats that. blocking here is pretty normal and it doesnt even Show if you blocked someone
tho, speaking of, you can only follow and like from your main blog, even if you can block from other blogs,
here on tumblr, you can have a... indefinite number of blogs? i dont Think i remember seeing anyone testing the limit for that Yet. but tbh, you can have just your main blog and put everything there, or have a few dozen of active blogs
for example, i have this side blog for mcyt and minecraft, my main is more for anything and all, i also have a few fandom specific blogs like a mlp one and undertale/deltarune one. and maybe there Is a post limit of 250 post per day that applies to your main And side blogs, is an account thing, but if you dont have the queue running with like. 5 of those to the maximum of post from the queue per day, you'll be fine (and. be careful deleting sideblogs, if easier to just go to the Members option of a side blog and leave it, than trying to delete it in that specific blog settings. there has been some issues with that second thing Also deleting your main blog, and if your main is gone, everything else too)
and before i jump to more general, site wide tips, all of this was as important to note, the queue (+ scheduling posts) is one of the strongest things about this place. because you can fill your queue up to 1k posts of anything you want, and make it so between certain hrs it posts a number of posts, so you dont have to spam ppl with, for example, art, even if you perfectly can. you can also pause the queue if you want to tag your reblogs for your own tag system, n then unpause, but really, this blog and any other in your account is Your house, your city, we all r just visiting. go nuts
...anyways, in terms of culture in this site, the two most important things are: reblogs and your dashboard
first, keep in mind that while this site is definitely Social, this is not a social media website, is a Blogging website. So reblogging is The most important thing here. you can reblog stuff once, twice, 100+ times every day for a month or longer and is Completely fine. if you dont want to see something, block the tag or the word and it'll be gone from your sight. but if you Do like it, and unless the poster says not to, you can reblog it
dont worry about reblogging Really old things btw. you can turn on timestamps for posts and you'll notice how sometimes people bring back posts from 2018, 2015 or even all way back to 2010 or 2008. it keeps the post circulating and the site alive
and actually, im not sure how much you know of this, but while there Is some kind of algorithm on tumblr with things based in your likes, if you have that option toggled on, the best way to experience tumblr and learn all the little things that comes with it is letting the people Be the algorithm, including yourself. that means instead of letting your likes define your dashboard, follow as many people as you want (the limit is 5k), turn on that reverse chronological dashboard, and interact with others too with reblogs. also, reblogging is really good in the sense that if the original post is deleted, your reblog will still be up unless you delete that post too
ive been in this site for almost 8 years, and ive found that you will find good and bad here the longer you stay, like with anything else, but you can also just... curate your experience more easily than in other places, and with how bad everything else is rn.... thats pretty nice :o
last thing, but you can Also ask any questions: play around with things. your settings, your blog theme, how you interact with the site. i know it feels obvious, but unless it says "delete [thing]?" or it makes something pop up a "are you sure? this will do [thing]" is fine. be silly, nothing will explode
what do u think of my grian design be honest <3
#who will explode is me tho#i adore so so much explaining things but also o(-(#anyways. if someone called alebrijediscordico follows u thats me. thats my main :]#...or wait im not done#there isnt a tag limit last time i checked but only the first 5 to 20 tags are visible in searches (unless you search by Tag)#the limit of Characters in a single tag tho is... around 140. including spaces#and if you see ppl using dots is because you cant use commas in tags. it creates a new tag#and i recommend not using these -> " because sometimes that also creates a new tag and puts it in the very top from all other tags#so it can create confusing interactions#OKAY im done for real now. i think#i might be missing smth but there's jsut. a lot
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stuck in an endless cycle of being annoyed about some of the stuff that was in the trailer and then i see how excited other people are and start thinking "well maybe some of the stuff that upset me could go in a different direction than im expecting. and there was still some cool stuff in there. maybe im overreacting or jumping to conclusions" and then i remember what exactly i was annoyed about and start thinking maybe i was right the first time and then i just kind of feel sad thinking about how excited i was over the first two movies compared to how ive been feeling about the more recent movieverse content and then i get frustrated with how it feels like im not allowed to express these feelings and opinions with how defensive some movie fans get and dismiss all criticism as needless hate regardless of who its coming from or what theyre saying and then i go Okay im normal now . until im reminded of the movie again
#i feel like i should probably stop thinking about the movie but its kinda hard not to wiht how everywhere it is right now lol#it doesnt help that a lot of the stuff that stuck out as not so great to me are things casual sonic fans and the average movie watchers#or people who only like the movies and not the games probably wouldnt care about . so obviously thyere gonna be glossed over a lot#and a lot of people will think anyone whos concerned about those things is just being nitpicky and sonic fans hate everything etc#but honestly my initial anger over some parts has died down a lot im just feeling more . empty i guess. than anything#and also with the whole ''things could go in a different direction than you expect'' thing. yeah thats true. that could happen#but a lot of the stuff i didnt particularly like is just stuff that im inherently not a fan of . like sonic working with gun#its just such a weird writing choice even if it turns out they betray him or are lying to him or something#and also some of the more optimistic takes im seeing are just . idk guys.#i dont think that actor who is already confirmed to be playing a human is secretly voicing rouge#i dont think gun is gonna be portrayed as evil for killing maria when we already know gun was formed AFTER maria died in this universe#sorry .#and this isnt even getting into issues with some of the people involved with the movie
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(This isn't bait, and you don't need to answer it if you don't want to). What's your beef with heartstopper?
The author and I have the same favorite mangaka but they tried to claim her as a "one of the good ones defying all problematic elements (of the gross bl genre of course)" without knowing that . One of the only other scanlated works from same mangaka is a psychological horror incest BL with every trigger warning under the sun
Also I hate white British people but that's on me #listening and learning
#a lot of people got on her ass about sharing an illegal scanlation sc as well but honestly like ehh i have a little more lenience ig#since the authors work IS obscure and there isnt an english translation and i dont expect someone who allegedly is not a frequent reader#to know all the nuances of scanlation etiquette or whatever. but its also because the author is obscure that im laughing at this point#because she only has like . 4 what i would call main works and one of them is definitely problematic as hell#and another one features some consent issues and they bang as teens which is fairly industry standard but#honestly i dont really care either way like im very neutral and the books probably cute i spose its just the constant trend you see over and#over again with these white queer authors where they have to talk about how their work is so much different from the obviously inferior#asian queer art like we werent doing it centuries before you guys and have such a strong queer history thats so often disregarded in favor#of starting the discussion in the us . or something whatever its midnight and i havent finished my work prep
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so yea running servers isnt like a cheap thing is what ive been learning these past couple weeks
#fair warning this is me just like going off new knowledge so i could be getting things wrong#buying an actual server isnt really that expensive itself! the issue is like actually running it and when you have actual ppl on said serve#thats where costs start racking up#theres different ways to go about handling a server but mainly what ive been getting from this is:#self hosting (running urself) or managed hosting (having a 3rd party run it for you)#so when ur small or solo u can get away with managed servers cause theyre pretty lowcost or free#and you usually want to go this route if you dont have the skills built up to take care of a server yourself#or if you arent interested in learning cause its pretty time consuming and u have to upkeep it#but they are scary expensive once u get a certain amount of users from what ive seen#its extremely convenient and gives u peace of mind but theres no point using the service if ur making enough money#especially since you wont have as much control of your server if its managed#so at that point just hire people to take care of your own servers you buy#however there are still server costs u need to pay (along with the people u have hired)#im only bringing this up to say that solmare is running ''two'' separate servers for two seperate games (as far as ik)#and probably arent making that much more in profit cause#me as a user...if i have two games that r practically the same on my phone im not spending money on both#its either one or the other#but you still need to pay accordingly to have both of these servers up#like realistically they arent gonna be able to keep both apps running indefinitely#but yea whatever they were saying in the beginning about having both games running and not forgetting about the og#was either a very generous guess or they were just lying#if it were like a nikki game situation where all the games r very different then maybe it would have been feasible#anyways yea sorry i needed an excuse to talk about the website stuff ive been learning!! and obey me is always in the back of my head#im like thinking about this stuff a lot cause for my site i need to have a server and its like okay we r gucci rn#i can stick with managed for now cause im assuming its gonna stay small#but like...theres always that non zero percent chance that it might not be gucci later on lol#so been researching a lot and i just dont wanna run my own server that sounds so boring its not even funny#so yea im just like AHHH
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I am just like that at the students revisions and gradings...🤣😅
Gets a D or a F after not studying, doing less than the minimal homework ...and not doing shit at class sauf talking then comes to ask why they fail.
My answers (in spanish or french) :
"This outcome was predicted since your first essay". (3 fucking lines she wrote)
"If your load of (home)work Its not the one that i asked for then the results won't be your desired ones". (Not a single exercise done by him)
"If the written demonstrations of your knowledge shows that you not Only not studied but you didn't even read the class notes , then don't expect a good outcome for you" (0/10 or 2/10 points at the exam, the he asks "Bro why I am failing????")
My final answer always is :
"The quality of your work procedure Its not the one thats required for a satisfying academic result..
If you wanna better results do a better job"
Boy do they get mad 🤣
And thats my "filter on" teacher self...
They wouldn't survive my unfiltered normal self comentaries like :
"If you dont do anything but shit dont expect anything but shit lord dudebro". XD
#Lol#passive agression#I'm like this all the time#My filtered me Its like that#My non filter me...You dont wanna know#If i tell you my HONEST opinion...#You dont recover#I'm like a female tiny nicer Gordon Ramsay basically XD#I'm going to tell you the truth always#..that you like It Its a different issue that I dont care about#The truth is the truth#get over it
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honestly. being able to be honest with my loved ones about when i am Mentally Unwell but also Dont Want To Talk About It has done wonders for my mental health
#its nice just being able to tell people “im not okay! please dont focus too much on me tho!” and have them respect it#instead of doing things that will trigger me bc they are uncomfortable w the fact that im not okay#i deeply appreciate others sitting in their discomfort/holding the discomfort with me instead of comforting me#and like i get that ppl who offer space or time or comforts are trying to care for me but tbh its not welcome most of the time#bc when I'm upset often times it triggers deep emotional pain that only i can really manage by taking time to sit and calm down and Feel#(bc if not it becomes a flashback instead of Feelings from being Triggered) and having my attention diverted is actually distressing for me#bc i have to be grounded in very specific ways also that i just dont usually have the energy to explain bc like... i know how to do it?#and like also. i can just be Not okay. it doesnt have to be a Thing for me to acknowledge it#iderk what the point of this tag ramble is#im just like. really glad ive found people who understand that im not Avoidant just bc i have different needs bc of how my nervous system i#also if its not clear: please do not offer comforts for this. i am handling my own feelings and issues i just kinda wanna talk about it#also reminding myself its okay to not want to be comforted and that doesnt mean im Wrong or Bad or Resistant or Harming myself#(also ngl having a therapist who understands that certain coping skills may never go away but can be modified to be more useful is LIFE#CHANGING. DO YOU KNOW HOW FREEING IT WAS TO HEAR SOMEONE WHO ISNT CRAZY SAY “i can see how [these things] can be distressing and if you wan#to stop doing them we can explore new coping skills - AND if the distress from these coping skills is shame related we can work through it#and see what happens and its okay if you come out the other side using the same coping skills with a better understanding of yourself “#when most of my life every coping skill ive ever engaged in has been moralized (esp by therapists) and attempted to be beaten out of me.)#also I'm saying “comfort me” thru this bc even tho it's not actually comforting TO me when ppl do this ik thats usually their intent
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GOD I HAD AN IDEA AS I WAS FALLING ASLEEP TODAY
About FaaF naturally
A sad one, TW fir near child death and harm
Involves Xero's attempt at an assassination, or it could be literally just any guard controlled by the Radiance
PK and WL need to talk about something private, and WL looks at the tiny vessel tagging along by her wyrm's side
"Should it be here?"
"It wouldn't understand anything anyway."
"Still, it's...a little..."
He sighs lightly, "Yeah, I get where you're coming from... Vessel, come here."
He kneels down and orders them to sit by the door and wait for them while they talk, says he'll come pick them up once they're done and not to move, then the two go to talk on the balcony and close the door behind them
At some point, Xero/the guard bursts in and attacks PK in the middle of the conversation, managing to take them by surprise and so gets one good swing in before PK darts away and retaliates, pinning them down with soul blades, though he has to keep his wife from killing them on the spot - he doesn't want to be so hasty, knowing they're infected and not themself. He pulls out the sword from his chest and that's when they realise, it's covered in void...
Child harm/near death TW beyond this point
After a moment of shock White Lady, who's closest to the doors, runs out and all her husband can hear is a horrified, heartbroken scream. He feels nauseous, his stomach twisting into knots and feeling like his heart is in his throat as he runs out after her. He sees her in tears, cradling a tiny bundle soaked in void. There's- there's so much void. It covers the floor where he left their child vessel and soaks through his lady's shawl and clothes as she cradles them in her arms.
For a moment he's paralysed, before he just snaps. He flies back onto the balcony, screaming at the possessed guard that he'll kill her, he'll make her pay for this, and he slays them in his rage (something he'll regret and feel ashamed of later), still hitting and screaming at Her well after the possessed person is dead and she can't hear him anymore.
He collapses, panting, near tears, and just gets himself up and stumbles out the door and towards the two, he wants to see how bad it is for himself.
Flower survives, but just barely. They had multiple stab wounds and lost their left arm, if not for their parents immediately healing them they'd be dead. They're barely older than 5, still so very little and defenceless, PK is horrified at how could anyone hurt a baby this young and helpless (hypocrite), even if they're not alive.
They're still on bed rest because that was so much damage and their mother doesn't leave their side and their father only leaves when necessary. They still don't realise Flower's alive and they know they shouldn't be so attached but it still feels like their baby and they can't just leave them. WL spends the entire day by their side, gently stroking their hair and horns with her now permanently void stained hands and softly coos and sings to them
Of course, they quickly realise they ARE alive because no way in hell a toddler is getting this hurt and NOT crying and screaming the second they wake up <3
Which just makes this situation so much worse
#thylacines can talk#faaf au#mentions of child harm and near death in tags too btw#so dont read further if its something youre sensitive to or cant handle rn#i like to write him as more sympathetic in faaf but i cant state enough what a gigantic hypocrite he is#pk: How can you hurt a child?! they're FIVE!#child harm cw#radi: ...dude.#dont make your kid a child soldier but also you cant 'all fair's in war' your way out of stabbing a toddler radi#unrelated tangent but they both suck and god i need to focus some more on FaaF Radi. Ik this AU at times feels like sympathetic PK and evil#villain Radi AU but it's really not. They're both morally grey and while Radi is a bit more. questionable and less sympathetic imo. doesnt#mean shes completely evil. they're both meant to be morally grey and both did equally horrible irredeemable shit that they come to regret#and wish to fix. ik it doesnt come off this way at times because i have my things i prefer to write at times and this AU was always a#relationship dynamic exploration between Flower and all different characters. but neither PK nor WL are by no means forgiven. Most of their#kids range from ''i literally dont care about you you are not my parents dont contact me again'' to ''i hate your guts''#with sometimes an added flavour of ''And I WILL murder your ass if I see you again'' for some of them#(Razor my beutiful wife with unchecked anger issues <3)#sorry if the tags are incomprehensible it is 5 am and i instantly forget anything i write the second i cant read it fully#once i finish writing a tag and it collapses the contents of it instantly leave my short term memory. im not being dramatic btw the amount#of times i have to back out from editing tags to read them back bc i forgot what i wrote is annoying
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maybe this was common knowledge and ive been severely out of the loop but the fact that russel t davies is gay is kind of rocking my world rn?
#like obviously his characters were always super fuckin queer but idk there is still something different knowing that like#its not accidental rep its not pandering its not rainbow capitalism#its one of us telling our stories#like. idk how much torchwood criticism ive read that boiled down to 'they all act bi but dont address it'#and then seeing a clip of an interview w him being like 'yeah thats deliberate i thought it was time to bring bi ppl into mainstream#and i think in a world with literal aliens it would get a lot harder to care about gender in the first place to even need to try#and define it' and its like. hello???? why did no one mention this before?????????#like that literally describes 99% of my friends is 'am i gay? am i bi? do i have gender preference at all? fuck if i know i have#bigger issues to think about'#ppl criticized it for being bad representation but like. is it?#is a group of misfits with nowhere else to go and only each other to rely on who have weirdly intense co-dependant#sometimes toxic messy relationships and lots of hooking up not descriptive of like. most queer friend groups#raise a hand if youre queer and arent exes with at least one of your closest friends. yeah thats what i thought#anyways thats all thank you verilybitchy for your doctor who videos im astral projecting#origibberish
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starting to think this website is bad for my mental health.....
#⚠️#personal#everytime i come on here and read a post thats discourse its like entering a boss battle against my ocd#like fuck! not again!!#i dont know the answer and my brains yelling at me if i dont reblog fast enough im a bad person and i cant scroll by either causr thatll#make me a bad person whos ignoring what seems to be an obvious problem and now im FUCKED!!!#yeah maybe i could just unfollow discourse people but theyre half the people i follow and also some of my mutuals and like#its not like i dont care about issues its just hard to engage with anything on here when my own mind keeps yelling at me im a horrible#person for not reblogging whatever new queer discourse post has appeared on my dash#its exhausting!#i wish spaces online were more ocd friendly! but they never will be! cause social media thrives off reactionary aggressive shit like#''reblog this or youre a TERRIBLE PERSON'' and even when the op isnt saying that and is like calmly explaining things or at least from what#i can gather from their tone over the internet which is hard to judge that voice is still in my head like people on here will label you a#shitty person for not reblogging certain posts and that scares me and my ocd so bad!#i do care its just hard to want to engage with anything when everyones so angry all the time#yeah people can be justified in that anger but still for people like me who struggle with moral ocd its hard#ive been considering jsut not reblogging discourse but i want to show solidarity with people this discourse is about#i want to show i care cause i do its just hard like#i feel like half the shit i reblog on here is a compulsion#yeah maybe i should spend less time on here but even when im trying to do that i still scroll on my dash for maybe like 5 minutes and ive#already been hit with like 20 different discourse posts#i jsut came on here for gotham fan content idk man
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youtube
finished up that Yume no Tobira cover with the VirVox dudes i was working on! It took me so long to balance the audio levels and make the video that Voicevox had a major update between me starting and finishing LOL
#vocal synth cover#voicevox#voicevox humming#voicevox song#? i dont know which one is the official name for the singing function orz#kurono takehiro#aoyama ryuusei#shirakami kotarou#wakamatsu akashi#kigashima sourin#virvox project#lotta dudes. lotta dudes to tag. and we dont even have takuto here (mostly because he doesnt have any synths yet rip)#i like this cover. it was kind of a nightmare to mix <3 like all vocal synthesizers voicevox has engine noise#and specifically its own engine noise is fascinating because if ur not careful while mixing 2 or more vocal tracks together#they will. combine the noise. and the noise will get louder. and louder#I REDUCED IT best i could with an equalizer but its still there LOL which i dont mind im just glad its not splitting ur eardrums anymore#and lemme tell u. i know everyones excited about the new pitchbending update and i am too but also#i am SO MUCH more excited about how well theyve fixed the volume issues LOL you can hear it here sometimes these dudes#(outside of takehiro...he is loud <3 ) just get like too quiet or too loud#i didnt feel like cutting together a bunch of takes at different range levels so i just found a decent middle ground#but now we no longer have these problems so aggressively...this does mean i need to restart some covers i was already working on#but thats okay its not like this one where i was already done and its worth it...for consistent volume <3 <3 <3#but yeah im still happy with this cover. i think its very cute hbkjfdljfdd#Youtube
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and is there not just generally a certain level of decency that would make you like ease up on a person who's obviously more than a little frazzled i am sorry that i cant process all my feelings and regurgitate them to you in an easily digestible manner while im actively In a situation or have a prepared disclaimer about how im so sorry but im just overwhelmed and need you to leave me alone right now or whatever else maybe i just dont know maybe i cant tell you exactly what im feeling or need and if i have to figure it out and explain that to you my brain is going to explode. but you could read the room. is there not a point where a friend would probably just go oh okay let me not continue pushing this person let me take a moment to reflect on their state and perhaps try to ease that or at least not keep fucking pushing on it. and also maybe not choose these moments to make otherwise innocuous but contextually just kinda meanspirited jabs. ok whatever
#not to be a sensitive little bitch except im not.#i dont want to be rude or too explicitly open about the things i dont really like to talk about#but sometimes. frankly. people need to take on the weight of their own feelings. insecurities. thoughts. etc and then some#some of us grew up with little to no emotional support and in fact took on the weight of their family's issues and the brunt of their#emotional immaturity and sometimes that makes someone feel fundamentally rattled and unsafe in moments like that#some of us had pretty much every big personal emotional. thing. that happened to them minimized and turned into some tragic#family conversation. or had someone reply like huh idk if that could have happened to you i certainly dont remember that#and then you wonder if people were ever looking out for you and if the ones that did just truly didnt care.#um. anyway. this is not just to be like oh im so quirky and different and traumatized lol but im reaching a boiling point when it comes#to people just like. doing this shit. or whatever. im going to start screaming#i shouldnt have to bare my fucking soul to you for you to go oh huh maybe this is a sensitive subject perhaps#frankly we arent the same and we dont relate and aw bummerooni ik im not the only sufferer but good god.#our lives were very different in some ways!#and sometimes all i want is for someone to say its ok kid you did good#again. not to be dramatic. but when ive talked about MY upheaval of feelings or w/e like if thats been impacting#how ive been acting and people start crying at me or get all whatever. oh it makes me wanna be the one to pass the torch#yeah man imagine how tired we are.#ok talking incoherently now so im gonna go do my job i guess.#abby talks#i know no one will save me but maybe sometimes it’d be nice to share the weight regardless
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i do think whenever someone makes a post like "i'm autistic and managed to do this therefore all other autistic people should be able to do it and if they can't they're a worse person than me" there should be a mini survey they're required to fill in about their views towards high support needs autistic people
#um.txt#is that the right term? ik low / high functioning isnt said anymore but you get what i mean...#the thing is about that vegetable post is i DO agree with it and get op. people with milder sensory issues and food aversions#are going to make themselves sick rather than do work to manage it. but its just irritating seeing people make#sweeping statements like 'i dont CARE if you're autistic because I AM TOO and i did this' ok... did you just find out#today that different autistic people often have different symptoms and different levels of support needed? lol
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I hate when im trying to explain something to someone and they literally do not Get It until I can successfully find a comparable anecdote that they personally relate to. I am always just like
#i have a rule about comparing situations because people get so annoying being like 'oh thats not the same' or 'i wouldn't care'#and it gets SO pendantic#like yeah its different for you!!#hence why i try to just explain the sitch as is because im sorry but you should be able to feel empathy for people without directly being#able to relate to them. apologies for the controversial take#and its EXACTLY why people who have so much priveledge and dont really experience discrimination get away with not worrying about so many#issues. because for a lot of people if something doesnt directly relate to them/impact them they dont think its an issue and they dont care#why oh why do i have to be so hell bent on being a just person when i could instead be a brain dead bigot instead 🤣😭😭#anyways. its fine. i will get over it. you win some you lose some. but i thought a good tumblr rant would help me process my emotions lmao#le text post
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i think being autistic is like. i dont even have an attachment style. i dont even have attachments bro.
#um something under-represented is that#in my experience (and very theorized by actual physicians) most autistic people have an inferiority complex#that is innane simply to how. we are treated in this world#and how often we face rejection or being misunderstood or being generally different#and this severs greatly our ability to connect to people and how we form relationships#because you always um think there's innerly something wrong with you (and there is) and#i cannot i think define my attachments because i have such insane trust issues#i dont think anyone really cares about me or wants to be my friend or be close to me#i don't know how people think of themselves as my friends#because im such a lingering malignant figure#youre like but isnt this inner no bitch#usually i think my parents also hate me and everyone in my family hates me#i am very prone to um#my mother just pointed out that i seem sadder than usual and im like how do you KNOW#my rational brain knows my mother (as narcissistic and awful as she can be) loves me and has proven it to me time and time again#but my irrational brain is like she cannot possibly ever love me why would she love me#its um. i think literally all of us have this insecurity and instability thats just inherent#idk#which is also why i lose friends i think
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tried out being more assertive at work today and just bluntly stating things and i def was helped a bit getting things done by my dept head being there all night but! i think it went good! i def feel a lot better about my ability to do my fucking job and run a tighter ship.
#only time it fucked me was when i asked the new manager to make 1 small change#bc that man treats every conversation thats even .1% conflict like an argument#and then he apparently turned around and told my direct boss about it and said i was the one confused and things needed to be cleared up#motherfucker nothing needed to be cleared up you just have to listen to me#like this dude had come into my department and tried to do my job#then when i have a single issue he goes right to my superior#like zero respect for me at all its actually insane#but im done w trying to reassurance seek. talking to my dept head about it was enough. i know whats up#im trying to make peace w the fact that i cant fix this shit and dont need to worry abt it outside work tho#i was briefly also mad at my work bestie/work wife bc he said i didnt care about a specific task getting done#and i thought he was talking shit but its bc he was ALSO saying he didnt care abt it either LMFAOOO#i did briefly get so angry i couldnt eat#anyway things were not good but in a different dimension they were good#they were good in terms of my personal growth lol
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Thanks for your post explaining the situation surrounding Mariusz quitting his job! You write: "As someone who lives in Wrocław and is a student at its Music Academy I can only tell you - he was... not much liked, to put it lightly, by the Big People". By all means, he was a celebrated opera singer in Europe and the USA. What made them dislike him so much?
oh goodness gracious, i really cant say, why would you even ask me that! im the last person who'd engage in such shameless gossiping!
sike lol
i never heard anyone say he was not a great artist. no one doubted that. people only questioned whether he was the right guy for the job, only having experience as a singer, a perfomer, no matter how renowned. or rather, the main issue was - how much, having no experience in the position he now occupied, he was earning. because that really was an insane (and i mean. INSANE) amount of money.
Ołdakowska getting the job of the director was also a pretty controversial thing, so automatically, people who weren't in favour of her winning, didn't also like Kwiecień since she was the one who chose him for the job.
then there was the issue of the changes Mariusz wanted to make. he was in favour of promoting young, new singers and hiring big names for guest performances, ergo, many of the singers who had already been hired full-time for years by the opera house in Wrocław stopped getting big roles etc. no roles - no money (or rather, very little money, the bare minimum actually). this, coupled with the amount Kwiecień was earning... well.
he and Ołdakowska also promised Big Things but sadly they both got the jobs in the beginning of 2020 and we all know what happened then, not much could actually be done when the entire world was more or less paralysed by the pandemic.
and yeah, that's more or less it. id say, tl;dr in the end it's always all about money. and some personal beef he may or may not have had with some people, i really can't say cause that's all i know.
#please remember that in the end we're all just sipping tea and gossiping here. i say what i know what ive heard.#but do take into account that i generally tend to Not Know Shit on many topics so. yknow. dont take my word for godsent truth#no matter how tempting it is 😇 having said that.#i personally know some young singers who worked with him and never heard them say a bad word about him#but then again#being a nice person doesnt magically erase other things that you fucked up#i stated my personal opinion on the issue with the changes he made that not everyone welcomed in the previous post#so i wont say a thing about that here#the money thing... look. he stated his price. someone had to agree to pay him that amount. they could have said 'no sir that's fucked up'#but they didnt. they hired him for that amount and it's not like. illegal or sth. the morality of it is a different thing altogether.#and ngl i am biased because ive been a huge fan of mariusz since i can remember.#but the truth is - i know if the same thing was done by eg n*trebko or someone i dont like id absolutely drag their ass through dirt#and say it's a scandal so.#thankfully its not my job to have an opinion about him as a person. all i know and care about is that he is an amazing artist.#a spectacular actor. a decent baritone. and it is to him that i owe a huge part of why i fell in love with opera in the first place so#there you have it#mariusz kwiecień#opera tag#gossips uwu
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