#...with even more patches....hallelujah

[wurmwizzard]

@happidragon EEEE brother thank u sm for saying this you have no idea... here's a spread pic that i took last night

LAYERS!!!! ITS ALL ABOUT THE LAYERSSS

[puddle-nerd]

Flirt

Summary: Guess he really was trying to flirt with you after all… Not that you were complaining in the least.

Prompt #3 for my submission for #𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬𝟏𝟒𝐃𝐎𝐋𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

Story Tags: No use of Y/N, Female Reader, Omatikaya | Blue Flute Clan, Na’vi Language, Friendship, Flirting

Na’vi Translation: Iknimaya – (Na’vi for “Stairway to Heaven”) is a treacherous but fundamental rite of passage in which a young Na’vi hunter must select, capture, and successfully bond with one of the ikran who nest in the Hallelujah Mountains Ikran – also known as a banshee are large, dragon-like aerial predators that can be found roosting on the various cliff sides on the Hallelujah Mountains often being used by the Na’vi for traveling long distances, for hunting from the air, or even during times of war Kelku – home | house Syaksyuk – also called “Prolemuris”, they are chattering, non-aggressive tree dwellers that lives in the canopy, as opposed to the dangerous forest floor and are similar to the monkeys and apes of Earth Uniltìranyu – Dreamwalker

AO3 Link

It was a rare day when you didn’t want to do actual work of teaching Jake the ways of your people – you usually had a very good work ethic amongst the people of your village, so when you wanted to skive off like you did today… instead of teaching him anything super important like you were supposed to, you decided to take a run through the forests of your home and were also watching his reaction as he took in the beauty and marvel of your world. So full of many beautiful colors and so much life. You ducked around tress and dodged vegetation, giggling as the Dreamwalker loped after you, your amber eyes sparkling as you noticed that way that he switched between chasing you and admiring everything that he didn’t have on his own home planet. You sniggered and came to a halt, laughing as he absently lurched into you, his golden gaze stuck upwards upon a conspiracy of syaksyuk feasting on fruits some meters overhead, their blue and green patched skin good camouflage when they weren’t swinging through the trees or gliding through the air with their skin flaps.

“They will not hurt you, Tsyeyk Suli,” you commented.

Jake glanced down at you and then back up at the small-ish creature. He grinned and watched as a mother syaksyuk held her baby her front and was able to grab another fruit to feed herself and the infant creature with her other limb.

“Come,” you murmured, tugging on his arm.

Taking off into the trees, you came to one of your favorites and began to climb, nimbly scaling the moss-covered bark upwards. Jake was improving in skill and remained only slightly behind you as you both rose higher and higher up the gigantic sapling. And when you got to one of the top branches, he made a noise of awe, just as you had hoped to garner from him. You grinned and gazed out at the picturesque landscape of your forest and sighed, unable to imagine anything more beautiful than this. And in the distance, you could see Hometree, at least a dozen of ikran flying around its upper branches.

“When you are ready, Tsyeyk Suli,” you told the Dreamwalker, “you will perform your Iknimaya and bond with your own ikran. It is… a most freeing feeling… bonding and flying with them.”

“So, it is one of your all-time favorite feelings?” Jake asked, watching the dragon-like creatures dive and flap through the air playfully for a moment longer. You nodded and let out a contented sigh. The two of you sat down upon the moss-covered branch together, his knee brushing against the outside of your thigh and he asked you curiously, “What is another of your all-time favorite feelings? Or… uh, what is one of your favorite things to do besides flying? Maybe something we could do together?” You raised a naked brow bone at him and grinned as his sapphire cheeks flared a darker color and he stumbled over his words.

Was he attempting to flirt with you?

You grinned and asked, “Can you swim, uniltìranyu?”

And that was how you and Jake found yourself at your favorite swimming hole after another run through the forests. Luckily, there wasn’t very many people there to spoil your time with him, just a couple of mothers and their childlings at the far, shallow end of the lake and you dove into the refreshingly cool water, smirking as Jake sauntered into the water much more sedately behind you, a grin splitting his face nearly in half. You splashed him when he got too close and then it devolved from there, swimming around each other, smacking and throwing water at each other and just enjoying the day as you saw fit. His hands seemed to linger every time he got close to you, his grip possessive as he pulled you close before you escaped with a squeal each time.

When the two of you had begun to tire, you crawled out of the lake and settled upon the lush grass next to each other, his tail coming to intertwine with yours. “When I become a full member of the Omatikaya, what other kinds of things can I expect?” he broke the silence with that question. You rolled your head towards Jake and cocked a curious browbone at him. You admitted that you didn’t understand his enquiry and he sighed, rubbing at his face before trying again. Jake bit his lower lip and rolled onto his side, propping his chin upwards with a bent arm, his muscles flexing under your gaze. He explained, “I am only considered one of The People after my second birth, yes?” You nodded, agreeing with his question. “Once I am a full member… will I be allowed to… have my own home like I have seen others have?” You weren’t sure but you felt as if he changed his question at the last moment. You nodded again, expounding on his knowledge as you said, “You will be able to have your own kelku. You will also be able to choose a woman – or a man – to mate with as you like,” Jake smirked, “as long as they choose you in return, uniltìranyu.” His gaze swept over you and grinned, meeting your gaze with a heated set of golden eyes, “I have that to look forward to.” You flushed as he winked your way as well. Guess he really was trying to flirt with you after all… Not that you were complaining in the least.

𖥸 · ─────── · 𖥸 · ─────── · 𖥸

Originally Posted: 03 February 2024 Word Count: 927

@crybabies-heart, @cryingwhilereading, @ikeyniofthetayrangi, @erenjaegerwifee, @bambithewriter, @lloreya

AO3 Link

[thisispoggers]

To be fair the comics has always been way more vioent/emotional heavy than its animation counterpart for YEARS, galaxy s1 comic featured fang's backstory where his parents dies, movie 2 comic's version of the elements disappearing is just brutal (Retak'ka just grabs solar's face and the poor boi is crying); it also featured boi being more sad and coming to terms with leaving the others behind.

The comics has always been somewhat known as for teens and up. Sadly for season 2 its whole premise was given to the comic creators and not the usualy animation writers, this of course leads to a lot of changes between both (especially since there was no plan for an animated season 2 so the comic writers were allowed to go wild for it)

In full retrospect, if the animation was created before the comic version not many complaints would've been given to it (at least not as much as right now)

NAW BUT FR THO (excuse my babble below the cut lol)

My lil boyo getting that plot stick beating whenever he’s on paper lmao and honestly good on the comic writers to go ham on it cuz damn my boy went through the wringer (good lord the 2nd Movie comic bruh)

Also I have since detached comic from its animation not only for BBB but for really all types of fandom I’m in (think OPM as an example cuz One literally just lets Murata do whatever lol)

Cuz animating something from a comic, that you know is gonna be streamed on TV in a literal worldwide network, is hella tricky cuz the comic deals with heavy stuff so tryna adapt that to animation and also work out how y’all are gonna sneak this pass through network is gonna be a bit of a b so whatever “true to comic” animation scene we get im happy for it (not gonna jinx on EP 4 so imma just say that I’m curious how they’re gonna do it lmao) (also I hope they patch out plot holes in case that happens and also make Kuputeri a badass again PLS MONSTA PLS) (still big mad that our queen didn’t get to beat someone up)

Also on the thing bout if the animation is released before the comic? Honestly yeah that’s so true cuz if I were to watch the animated series, I’d be vv entertained and liking how it’s going ya kno?

My lil boy may be getting a beat down at every turn but hey atleast he still got that lil kiddy sparkle within him that lets him have fun even during a really bad situation

Bruh imagine if it actually goes that route like saying “wow the animated series is rather heavy I wonder how’s the comic doing” and then the comics get out and everyone just says a resounding “oh no” when Oboi starts farming trauma points against his will

Anyways am I kinda miffed bout the animated series? Nah not that much it’s doing fine rn (they have since won me over by providing BoEl content like they don’t need to give us RiSol and TTM moments but they did and hallelujah for that)

Is it going great? Mmmmm it’s really too early to say cuz we are only 3 episodes in also I forgot how many episodes it’s supposed to be but judging from how’s it running I think around 10 or over that so they still got some time

[sunshine-hike]

Dude I'm so excited to plant my sunflower patch. A mix of Mammoth, American Giant, and regular. I'm also excited for them to grow. 🌻

I got asked to tutor students specifically for the ASVAB. I make $17/hr every session but for the military base kids I make $26/hr which is more than even my job at the bank. I have some studying to do myself just to ensure that I can provide the best help possible. It's mostly logic and critical thinking but I'll feel more confident if I study and look at example questions that students will be asking.

Got some headbands for my dumb ugly hair .

The weather warms up again this week HALLELUJAH. I got Sebastian a Little Tykes slide from a yardsale and we've been playing on it inside but now I can move it outside.

Took a chilly bath this morning b3cause Sebastian was standing at the tub turning the cold water on and off the whole time lol but it kept him occupied and I got to wash my hair so. WIN.

[klausinamarink]

Prompt: “rain” (discord drabble from STWG)

—

Forecast said that today was going to be bright and sunny with some clouds later in the evening. The weatherman even said it was recommended to “go outside and spend a few hours with your loved ones.” They said. Nothing else can go wrong, they said.

Well…

“It could be worse.” Steve mutters as he stares at the windshield. The rainstorm isn’t bad enough to ruin the outdoor visibility, but it’s throwing several hundred drops per second on the slightly foggy glass.

“Worse how?” Eddie stares out through the passenger window, where he’s watching the muddy puddles on the roadside slowly grow bigger.

“It could’ve been a tornado.”

Eddie pinches his bicep, earning a chirpy eep! from Steve. “Well, thanks. Now that’s gonna worry me for the rest of the day.”

They’re parked next to a field farmland with a patch of woods visible further down. Steve had been driving Eddie to some spot he declared was perfect for a picnic visit, but then the clouds opened up not even ten minutes after they left town.

“Well, since we’re waiting this out…” Eddie reaches an arm over to the basket Steve had made in the backseat. He manages to pull out one of the bread loaves, breaking it in half. “Best not to wait on empty stomachs.”

Steve rubs the new red spot on his bicep, sighing and accepting the other half of the bread Eddie hands him. He sniffs, his fingers pinching the brow of his eyes and oh no-

“Hey, Steve. This is okay!” Eddie shuffles in his seat so that he leans over, his head bumping onto Steve’s shoulder. “I mean, we could’ve been drenched like dogs if we were outside right now. Plus I still get to be out of town with my favourite big boy in his amazing Beemer.”

Steve makes a light scoffing sound. “I’m your only big boy.”

“Exactly.” Eddie presses a kiss on his cheek with a loud mwah. It makes Steve roll his eyes, but his hand falls from his face and there’s a small smile now. He turns on the radio and a cheery man’s voice comes in-

“Today is nothing but promises of sun-”

“Is that the same weather guy?” Eddie narrows his eyes as Steve immediately switches the channel.

“If it is, they should fire this guy. Only clouds in the evening my ass.” Steve shakes his head, turning the dial until he stops at one of the music channels. Of course, it’s playing “It’s Raining Men” because what the hell not.

Steve’s eyes light up. His body jolts up like he’s been struck by lightning. “Oh shit! That’s one of my favourite songs!”

And then to Eddie’s absolute horror, Steve jumps out of the car and into the rain

“What the fuck!?” He almost chokes on spit and half-eaten bread just as Steve starts dancing. He’s singing the lyrics aloud as he spins and jumps on the muddy ground, seemingly giving zero fucks about being soaked and dirty. Especially as his shirt sticks to his skin with his muscles visible-

Oh, be still my gay heart.

“C’mon, Eds!” Steve’s making grabby hands, mimicking in pulling an invisible rope towards him.

“Uh, why?! I thought we’re waiting it out!”

“It’s raining men! Hallelujah!” Steve sings absurdly loud instead of answering. He even emphasizes it with a jerk of his hips goddamn.

It makes Eddie laugh. He looks out at the hard pouring and mutters “Fuck it.” He swings open the door and cringes at how unbearably wet he already is.

Steve’s arms are around his torso and easily lifts him off the ground, spinning him around. Eddie is both screeching and cackling, his cold hands gripped on Steve’s forearms for dear life. “Jesus Christ, we’re gonna fall!”

“God bless Mother Nature, I’ve found my perfect guy!” Steve cheers. He sets Eddie back down, but holds both of his hands as he starts moving in what Eddie presumes is the Harrington mating dance.

Eddie follows along because it’s too contagious not to laugh and dance with Steve, who looks more happier and free than Eddie’s ever seen.

They’re definitely both going to be sick tomorrow after this, but all of this dancing and standing in the rain with his boyfriend is so worth it.

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

gray - not even a patch of blue expected - there wuz a movie but too early in the poem to digress - a good kitty - always - murder - families mostly - birdsong - in other words a morning day start kinda happens - hallelujah

anyway - more to than gonna 

 the usual usual

[ashiscool10]

Never Apart

Chapter 3

~little note here again, sorry it took so long to get this written I have been super busy with my work and school, so I’ve been focusing on that! But this chapter is a little bit on the long side to make up for chapter 2 being so short (in my opinion) anyway feel free to give me constructive criticism because I know I’m not the best writer in the world. Anyway enjoy! -Ash~

Jake found his family and they flew back to high camp, somewhere in the Hallelujah mountains. In the process of flying you woke up in Jake’s arms. You realized you weren’t on your Ikran and grabbed onto Jake's neck in fright as you yelped. “Hey, hey I've got you.” Jake says in a reassuring tone.

Jake and the others landed and you finally got to your feet stumbling a bit. Neteyam sees you stumble and rushes to your side. “Y/n! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” He looks you over and then puts your arm around his neck to steady you. “Fall in,” Neteyam, Lo’ak and yourself go to stand in front of a very angry Jake, “you were supposed to be spotters.You spot bogeys, and you call them in. From a distance!” Kiri then comes up to inspect me and Neyetam. You both had your heads down not wanting to look him in the eyes. “Does any of this sound familiar? Get here!” Jake yelled and pointed at the ground a little ways away from you. “Y/n?” Tuk, who is Jake and Neytiri’s youngest daughter, runs up to you and inspects your arm and then Neteyams. “Jesus, I let you three geniuses fly a mission and you disobey direct orders.” Jake continued. “I'm sorry sir….” Is all you could say as you glance up at him and then back down at the ground, crossing your arms over your chest.

You looked up to Jake, I mean he was your godfather after all. He usually took you on more missions because he trusted you but right now, you couldn't even bear to look at the disappointment on his face. Then Jake looks at eldest daughter and says, “Kiri, can you go help your grandmother with the wounded? Please?” Kiri was still looking over Neteyam’s injuries as Tuk looked over your arm and back. While all this happened Neytiri just stood behind them and observed. Kiri then answers Jake by saying “My brother and best friend is wounded.” Neteyam motions to Kiri and mumbles a quiet “it's fine.” before Jake interrupted him by saying “Babygirl, please. Tuk, go with her. Go.” Kiri just scoffed, rolled her eyes and walked away reluctantly. Tuk copied her older sister and followed her.

“Dad. Sir, I take full responsibility.” Neteyam sees that you are struggling to stand as he said that he puts his other arm around your waist and helps steady you as he waits for his father to lecture him. “Yeah, you do. That’s right. ‘Cause you're the older brother. You gotta act like it.” Jake said finishing his lecture. Then Netiri chimes in and says in a soft yet respectful tone, “Ma Jake. Your son is actually bleeding and your goddaughter can barely stand.” Neteyam shakes his head and looks away from the two. “Mother, it’s fine I…” Neteyam stops his sentence as you interrupt him. You turned around to face Neytiri, “Ma’am i'm fine….really.” Jake pauses for a moment before speaking again. “Just go and get patched up, both of you. Go on, dismissed.” The man looks down then looks up. Neytiri shoots him a glare as she helps you and Neteyam get to her mother's medical tent.

Neytiri’s mother was the Tsahik of the Ometekaya clan. She had already got you all patched up and feeling better so you were helping her with Neteyam, who was just sitting there saying ow as his grandmother cleaned the wounds on his back and as you cleaned the one on his right peck. Jake and Neytiri were having a discussion outside but you couldn't hear it. Spider was in there and chimed in saying “Aw, wanna kiss for the boo boos?” to Neteyam as you shot him a glare. The tent was barely lit up because of the dark but it was bright enough so you and the Tsahik could patch Neteyam up. Kiri and Tuk were sitting in the corner of the tent helping their grandmother. Kiri was mixing something and as she finished she handed Tuk the bowl. “Give him this.” “Ok. Here drink.” Tuk handed Neteyam the bowl as Kiri started talking to her grandmother about which medicine to use. The Tsahik responded with, “Oh, you would? And who is Tsahik?” as she continued to heal him. “You are grand- move! You are Grandmother but yalna bark is better.” Kiri said bending down to be at their height. Neteyam just says a few more ow as you respond to Kiri’s answer. “It stings less.” You look over at the boy in front of you.“Hm, so mighty warrior, how does it feel to be in the middle of a raid?” you say with a smirk on your face. Neteyam just chuckles as the others chat next to you.

After you helped finish patching your best friend up from the raid you, Kiri, Lo’ak, and Spider head up to the lab cutting through the tent where your Dad’s and his friends’ kept their avatars. Spider was first to go in as Kiri and Lo’ak followed. You were last to head in as you heard your Dad call out to Spider. You look over to see him in his avatar with a toothbrush in his mouth, rolling up a towel and smacking Spiders behind with it. Spider turned around quickly as he felt something hit him from behind. He pointed at dad and said “Your ass is mine.” Dad looks at him and says, “I'm right here.” while he raises his arms up.

“Dad! Stop picking on Spider!” you say smacking his arm playfully as you go up to him and give him a kiss on the cheek. “Hey sweet pea, i'll be in the lab in a second ok?” he says as he watches you walk away. “Got it!” you yell back giving him a thumbs up. You follow your friends into the lab, not really paying attention to what they are saying as you grab a mask. Spider's voice grabs your attention. “You know what really sucks though. Is you can breathe Earth air for hours, and I can only breathe your air for like, 10 seconds.” Kiri then chimes in saying. “Yeah, Monkey Boy, that really sucks. For you.” Kiri laughs as she grabs her own mask and yelps as Spider grabs her tail playfully. She then spins around in and crouches down grabbing at him. They both hiss at each other as you roll your eyes.

Max turns around hearing the kids hiss as Kiri says hello. “Hi Max!” She says as she turns around. “Hey, Kids.” Spider then moves to fist bump Max and say hi to Norm. Your dad turns to greet Spider and see’s you and Lo’ak. “Y/n, Lo’ak.” He says as you go over and crouch down to hug your dads human body. You have been taller than him for ages now, you outgrew his human body at 10 years old. You, Lo’ak, and Spider talked with Norm for a while before joining Kiri in the other room. Grace was Kiri’s mom. She was a human who died before she was born. But her Avatar was pregnant with Kiri, Dad and Jake have no idea how she was conceived but Jake adopted her without a second thought.

Where you lived with the lab guys with your dad, you, Spider, and Kiri spent a lot of time together since Kiri would come to see her mom’s avatar and watch her logs. Kiri was doing just that when the three of you arrived. You stood next to Kiri as she watched the tapes and Spider jumped up onto the bar where Grace’s avatar was. Lo’ak rested his foot on the table with the computer on it and just said “So, who do you think knocked her up? Pretty sure it was Norm.” not even taking it into account that he was talking about your adoptive father and Kiri’s dead mother. Spider laughed and said “Totally.” as you and Kiri straightened up from our position and looked at them. You just scoffed and looked at the two and said. “Really?” as Kiri took the….less subtle approach. “You do not deserve to live.” Lo’ak just looked at her and then back at Spider. “No, no, no. Think about it right? I mean he is the teacher's pet. He’s out at the lab with her all the time.” Lo’ak put his hand out in protest and pointed at the computer screen and looked at it. “I would kill myself. I would drink acid.” you then lightly slapped Kiri at her remark and then looked back at Lo’ak.

You were going to say something back but the human boy with blue stripes who you know as Spider interrupts you. “Bro, you're right. He’s, like, in every shot. Bro look, look, he’s giving her the looks.” Spider than points at the screen that was still playing the tape. The two boys laugh as you and Kiri look at each other with pure disgust. Kiri then snaps her head at Spider and says, “Hey!” as the boy’s grin on his face fades slightly. “See, I'm thinkin’..” Lo’ak brakes the small silence by speaking and putting his hands on his chest,“...their two avatars were out in the woods, all alone.” You then go up and push Lo’ak as Kiri joins you and pushes him a little bit too as she says “Gross!” Lo’ak chuckles when Spider interrupts him. “Guys, I mean, sometimes it's not so great to know who your father was. Whatever.” Silence filled the room when the boy said that. The three Na’vi children's ears droop in sadness as Spider jumped down from the bar he was sitting on. “I don't even remember him.” “Bro, no spider.” Lo’ak tries to comfort as he gets interrupted. Kiri then walks up to him and puts her arms around his small, human body. “Spider..”, she says in almost a whisper, “ You are not him.”

@itscheybaby @yzulu

[queennicoleinboots]

Non-GMO Corn Becomes An Ingredient In ABC Soup

(sequel to "Lake Erie Is Where We Got Alphabet Soup")

Popeye chuckled and sounded like a bubbling cauldron. "Corn? I'm sure we have a few cans somewhere! We make them with olive oil!"

A thin Italian woman with the most Plain Jane face you will ever see in your life walked on the deck and started singing in a screechy voice. "I can look for the corn," she said.

"Yes, please," X said with the typical irritation on her face that had existed since Cain and Abel existed.

"Okie dokie artichokie, hold on!" The thin Italian woman said.

"We have artichokes, Olive Oil! We need CORN!!!" Popeye shouted.

"Don't believe me, just rock! Don't believe me, just rock! Vegetables say Hallelujah! Artichokes say Hallelujah!" a brutish sailor man sang in a deep voice.

"Shaddap, Bruno!" Popeye shouted.

"Artichokes sound good," X said.

"Artichokes and corn are a great mix, though," Bruno said.

"What about hearts of palm?!" Olive Oil asked.

"Why didn't *I* think of that?! Find those and the canned corn!" X called to Olive Oil.

Olive Oil then went in the ship.

Vixie barked.

"Really?" X asked. "You're a pain in the ass."

"How would you know?" Vixie asked before an affirmative bark.

"I deal with your bullshit every day," X answered.

"Actually it's DOG shit!" Vixie announced as her face appeared in the Heavens.

Cody, Vixie, and Patches laughed. SpongeBear laughed his trademark laugh. J took another shit in the water. Ursula cackled and shit the childish fish out of her large lavender ass that had sea moss attached to it in the water. She did not digest them, so they were embedded in her black goo poop.

"This has been a hell of a battle. Lots of bad teammates. At least Y is decent. Not great, but not ridiculous. I had more damage. What build did Yasuo go?" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig asked as he drank his root beer on the shore. He then transformed into Tom from Tom and Jerry, but he looked as sparkly as Yummi from League of Legends.

Yasuo was a tornado ninja that was supposed to be a hurricane, but he instead became a dam.

Wild Rift and League of Legends was even a thing back in circa 30000 B.C.

Nugget then yawned. "I wonder. Is Olive Oil Extra Virgin?" he asked.

A big uglyass light brown boxer then did a Scooby Doo laugh. He is an uglyass dog.

"Not for long," Popeye answered with his chuckle that sounded like alphabet soup boiling.

The ocean boiled. Cody, Scooby Doo, Vixie, Nugget, Patches, and Tom giggled.

Tom then prowled on the blond sand. "That’s hot! That's hot, Mama," he said.

Cody, Scooby Doo, Vixie, Nugget, Tom, and Patches giggled.

J squawked.

"I found the artichokes and hearts of palm, but no corn, unless you want creamed corn," Olive Oil said.

X and George Carlin shouted into the Heavens, "GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!" George Carlin still wore that banana yellow speedo.

Sandy Cheeks swam into the alphabet soup, climbed up the boat, and attacked Olive Oil.

Olive Oil screamed, "Help! Help!"

Bruno and Popeye ran to her rescue. Sandy Cheeks then growled and hissed at them. She then became large. SpongeBear then showed up on the boat and ripped some of her fur off. She yelled, "SpongeBear!!!!" She charged everyone. Bruno ran like a bitch while Popeye fed her spinach.

Sandy Cheeks screamed in a Southern accent, "I wanted CORN!" She then picked Popeye up and ate him.

"Whole golden kernel corn!" Wilma Parmello shouted.

X thought she was dead, but she guessed not. That didn't happen until 2018 when the postal United States Postal Services driver drove through Colonel America for America's house and ran her and some other bimbo over. 2018 was going to be the best year ever because that driver singlehandedly saved it from being total shit.

Then all kinds of fish in that ocean and all kinds of people and land mammals started singing, "Where where where the fuck? Where the fuck's the corn?"

Bruno then walked up to Olive Oil. "So... since Sandy Cheeks ate PP, can we... ya know... be boyfriend and girlfriend?" he asked.

"No. You're a bitch," Olive Oil said plainly.

Sandy Cheeks chattered in squirrel language.

A dolphin chirped, and its chirp echoed.

A stupid narrator narrated in a stupid German accent in the tropical background of "You're a bitch. Where the fuck's the corn?" written in sea shells.

A duck who looked like Colonel America for America quacked the song, "Where the fuck's the corn?"

Daffy Duck joined in on the quacking.

"Maybe David Hasselhoff would have the corn," SpongeBear said before he laughed his diabolical laugh. X wanted to tie him on a sand dune and let him dry out.

An angry German swimsuit model identified as David Hasselhoff then screamed and drove a large pirate ship at 700 nautical miles an hour through the ocean and crashed it on a giant iceberg. The iceberg exploded, David Hasselhoff, and the ship exploded. A bunch of corn was created from the explosion.

SpongeBear laughed before a kernel of corn flew in his mouth and caused him to choke to death.

There the fuck's the corn.

End Credits: "IT'S CORN" by The Ocean Cornfish (the childish fish that U pooped out): https://youtube.com/shorts/UcjTjJrltQ8?si=D8DZ73_4xwwupLYv

[mycastlescrumblingdown]

fearless tracks 12-17 review

THE BEST DAY

i appreciate this song. it's adorable. but....I don't really like it, you know?

it's probably going to hit different when i'm older, but it's just alright to me right now

score: 4/10

points for style, bridge, instrumentals, vocals

favorite line: "past the pumpkin patch and tractor rides; look now, the sky is gold" or "I don't know who i'm gonna talk to now at school, but I know i'm laughing on the car ride home with you"

CHANGE

i really like this song. I feel like it's very underrated for no reason

also how she sings hallelujah scratches an itch in my brain. it's so good. and the guitar at the end? top tier. perfection, even.

i'm also a sucker for songs about taylor's career

a tip for enjoying this song even more: reframe the song around the context of the re-recordings, and how she did fearless first

score: 7/10

points for style, personal bias, chorus, verses, instrumentals, vocals, pretty privilege

favorite line: I believe in whatever you do and i'll do anything to see it through

JUMP THEN FALL

this song is another adorable one. I quite like this one. it reminds me of sweeter than fiction

it also kind of reminds me of percabeth

it's really catchy and I like it. there's really nothing else to say

score: 4/10

points for style, chorus, instrumentals, vocals

favorite line: honey I like the way you're everything I ever wanted

UNTOUCHABLE

this song is a cover but I honestly expected the original to be more similar. it SCARED me so bad.

i like taylor's version so much more. it sounds so much prettier. and I'm definitely not biased. I do, however, feel like this song is a little out of place on fearless. it just doesn't really fit with the rest of the tracks, in my opinion.

and the Spotify lyrics say "waking from this dream" but that is wrong. I am a "we can form this dream" truther and that is the one hill I will die on

score: 6/10

points for personal bias, chorus, verses, instrumentals, vocals, pretty privilege

favorite line: i know you're saying that you'd be here anyways

FOREVER AND ALWAYS PIANO

it's going to have the same rating as the normal version so I don't really see a reason to score it.

it sounds sadder, I guess? there's not much to say. it's a remix

COME IN WITH THE RAIN

"talk to the man with the reasons why" makes a very funny scenario in my head.

ciwtr: talk to the man w/ the reason why

tell me why: IM TRYING

yeah it's more funny in my head but there you go

anyways I quite like this song. It gets stuck in my head all the time and i'm still not tired of it so that's nice.

score: 6/10

points for style, personal bias, chorus, instrumentals, vocals, pretty privilege

favorite line: i know you by heart, and you don't even know where I start

[cinnamondumbb]

ੈ✦ ⿻ 𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐈𝐌 𝐔𝐏 —𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐘𝐀𝐌 𝐒𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐘 : after a clash with the rda, you are left with a wounded neteyam to care for.

contents. a scenario? drabble? imagine? i really don't know what to call this lol comforting, bit of angst, fluff + gn! omaticaya reader

notes. my first ever piece on neteyam ! i had sm fun writing this ^^ i already have two more neteyam pieces on my drafts :) i hope you like it!

in which you try to not let your emotions affect your duties as a healer tending to neteyam's wounds .

or

where neteyam is terrified of the idea that he might have disappointed you after he makes a mistake .

being a healer — even if only in training — meant that serving your people would always come first, so it was crucial that you never let your emotions cloud your best judgement, and you took that assignment very seriously. however, you would be lying if you said that following reason was not getting more and more difficult, as your feelings for a certain member of your tribe only grew stronger.

you tried with all your might to keep yourself from crumbling as you watched toruk makto carry neteyam's body covered in blood and scratches into the omaticayan's hideout in the hallelujah mountains. which proved itself to be a task close to impossible. still, your spirit did not yield. you needed to remain calm and act rationally.

your duty to your people came first.

you rushed to the gathering in the entrance of the camp, promptly offering your services to mo'at. you wanted to help in any way you possibly could. alas, mo'at decided that she and the others could take care of the gravely wounded and entrusted neteyam's care to you, her apprentice and neteyam's close childhood friend.

that is how you found yourself alone with neteyam, sitting across from each other on the floor of your small tent, patching him up. this boy you knew your whole life, your best friend.

neteyam kept his head down as you gently rubbed a damp cloth on his recent injuries, his braids hiding his features completely so you could not read his expression. he was too afraid to meet your gaze. he feared you might despise him now, that maybe he had crossed a line and that it had cost any high regards you once held for him. he knew how deeply you valued your duties, and he had just gone against his, it did not matter the reason. he had brought dishonour upon himself. after all, it was his choice to put himself in danger and now you were the one who had to deal with it. resigned, he could only stare at the tapestries that adorned the floor and let you continue your work.

"i am sorry," said neteyam, much like a plead.

you did not answer, not out of spite, you just did not know what to say.

you had not spoken a word to neteyam since he got back from his mission— in which he was only supposed to participate as a lookout along with lo'ak. instead, he ended up going against his father's direct orders and taking part in the fight, nearly getting himself killed.

he grimaced at your touch, the medicine you were applying in his wounds stung more than he had anticipated, leaving a tingly sensation on his skin. yet, it did not hurt as much as when he finally lifted his gaze at you, taking in the look on your face.

it was only then that neteyam noticed the tears rolling down your cheeks.

"please, don't cry, i am so sorry," said neteyam, quickly standing on his knees to get closer to you. he was confused, why in the world were you crying? he expected you to be angry or disappointed in him, but this was a reaction he did not predict. neteyam tucked a few stray braids behind your ear then cupped you cheek. "i cannot stand to see you cry."

"what you did was so stupid!" you spat as neteyam wiped your tears away.

"i know, i am sorry. i disobeyed orders and have disgraced myself. i– i just hope you can forgive me."

"what?" neteyam took himself too seriously at times, it was something you frequently teased him about, but this was insane. "what are you talking about, neteyam?"

"that i failed to follow-through with my responsibilities–"

"i do not care for any of that, especially not when you could have been killed!"

neteyam's expression was one of sheer confusion.

"wait, does that mean you are not– disappointed in me?"

"oh neteyam." you took his face between your hands, resting your forehead against his. "i could never be disappointed in you."

you leaned away for the briefest of seconds only to place kiss on top of his brow, before he pulled you into his arms again, squeezing you tightly, as if he was afraid you would simply slip away if he loosened his grip.

"i see you." neteyam whispered softly, his breath brushed against your lips, sending chills through your whole body.

"i see you."

cinnamondumbb © 2023 — please do not copy/repost/translate my work without my permission. (♡) + rb! :p

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Crash Course: The History of Dream SMP Season One

So...

You want to get into the Dream SMP, but oh no! There’s eight months of extensive and event-filled history to catch up on, and dozens of highlight videos to watch that don’t always include everything, and pages upon pages of detailed Wiki articles...where do you start!?

Well, I’ve created this to summarize the events of Dream SMP Season One into a single post as a sort of “narrative timeline.”

I’ve also included the dates of the events to the best of my ability, so that everything is in (mostly) chronological order.

I’d highly recommend also checking out the Wiki for more detailed descriptions of the big events if you’re interested. 

Happy one-month anniversary of the Grand Finale!

Enjoy!

---

Note: Some dates, but not all, are taken from VOD upload dates, and Tommy’s VODs are usually uploaded a day later than initial broadcast, so they may be slightly inaccurate. Dates marked with * are the dates the VOD was uploaded, in cases where I am unsure of the original broadcast date.

---

The Early Days

April 25th: 

The SMP started out as an ordinary survival server, and was often referred to as “the survival world” on early Dream Team streams. The first eight members to join the SMP were: Dream, George, Sapnap, Badboyhalo, Ponk, Alyssa, Callahan and Sam, though Sam took a hiatus until the events of the Election Arc. The Community House was the first thing to be built in the center of a lake. 

It was in this period that Beckerson and Mars were named from donos (the various named knicknacks in the Community House are also from donos), Dream tamed a white horse named Spirit, and Sam tamed Fran. There were also several other various pets like dogs and foxes that were tamed by the members.

Some notable events from this period include: the construction of the Court House (and subsequently Sapnap and George’s murder trials there), Dream building the wooden path, George texting Dream’s mother, Sapnap’s Famous Storytime Stream (in which Spirit died due to mobs), and the burning of Ponk’s first Lemon Tree due to a conflict with George.

There was also a running joke that Callahan and Alyssa were dating (they aren’t)

Tommy’s Arrival

Tommy joins July 4th. Tubbo arrives shortly after, with Fundy a day after Tubbo.

The day of Tommy’s arrival:

Tommy joins the SMP. His first day, George and Dream get him to stand on a crafting table and he subsequently murders George and takes from the Community House chests. Dream and George put Tommy on trial in the Court House. After a brief manhunt, Tommy is banished 2,500 blocks away (the first of three exiles) in the snow and is ordered to stay there. He fails to comply and is briefly banned before Dream lets him back on. He chooses to settle on a hill next to Ponk’s Lemon Tree.

The Disc War: Start of the Disc Saga

Taking place from July 9th* - July 11th*, though there were various events/conflicts relating to the discs that happened before and after this time.

After listening to two discs, Cat and Mellohi, with Tubbo on a bench while watching the sunset (VOD: July 8th*), Tommy considers the two discs to be his most prized possessions. 

This event is considered the first major war of the server, and the Disc Saga would continue to have developments throughout the rest of Season One.

The events of the first Disc War began due to another conflict between Sapnap, Ponk and Alyssa. Punz and Tubbo were also involved. Tommy ended up siding with Sapnap, and much vandalism and fighting happened before Dream logged on with the intention to stop it. 

Tommy and Sapnap murder Dream, and Dream steals Tommy’s discs in return, threatening to burn them unless Tommy returns his gear. Tommy, Tubbo and Sapnap end up combining forces to murder Dream and take back the discs, which Tommy hides under his base. Dream spends time off stream digging up the entirety of Tommy’s land in search of them. 

The rest of the Disc War proceeds with Tommy and Tubbo working repeatedly to take back the discs from Dream. It only ends when Tommy crafts an Ender Chest to put the discs in.

This was also around the time that Fundy’s Socializing Club was built, which later led to a brief conflict taking place there. 

(It was also during this time in the middle of the Disc War that Wilbur joined a call with Tommy and asked Dream out on a date to Pizza Hut, with Tommy speaking in game chat as Wilbur’s wingman. Dream says yes, George gets jealous on Twitter, and the infamous Vlog plot starts. It would go on from July to October.)

Schlatt and Wilbur

July 12th: During a short conflict between Tommy and Tubbo over the death of Tubbo’s pet bee, Tommy burns down Tubbo’s house. Wilbur logs onto the server to act as Tommy’s lawyer. 

On July 17th, Schlatt gets whitelisted on the server without Dream’s knowledge and Tommy spends a day with his idol. The SMPLive Cuck Shed is recreated in Dream SMP, and Tommy listens to the disc Blocks with Schlatt. People trend #kickschlatt on Twitter. Both Wilbur and Schlatt log off the server “permanently,” Wilbur by choice and Schlatt by banning (as Dream didn’t know who he was). Tommy gains ownership of Wilbur’s ball house.

Also worth mentioning is Eret joining July 19th.

The L’manburg War for Independence (aka “Revolution”)

This was a relatively short but very consequential arc, taking place from July 24th to August 2nd, a little over a week in total. It is the second major war of the server, and the first to be faction-based.

July 24th: Wilbur joins the server again.

He decides to start an empire with Tommy. He builds the Camarvan (aka “hto dog van”) in a remote part of the woods and recruits Tommy to help create artificial scarcity in the server’s drug market by stealing everyone’s blaze rods. This isn’t taken too kindly by other members, especially Sapnap. One thing leads to another and they decide to mark out a tiny square in the woods to declare as an independent country. Tubbo joins them, and he and Tommy sing “Hallelujah” to a tilled patch of dirt (this melody would later become the L’manburg National Anthem). They also recruit Eret to help build. They decide on a name: L’manburg, and also don revolutionary skins.

Dream comes over, displeased by this, and declares war. His side consists of Dream, George, Sapnap and Punz, though the L’manburgians attempted to convince George to their side due to his Britishness. 

Eret builds the walls, Fundy joins the revolution after logging in within the walls and being very confused, Wilbur claims Fundy as his son. Tommy constructs a fight club beneath his house and, after poorly speaking Dutch to Fundy, goes down the path placing signs in various languages saying “the green bastard shall die!” as propaganda to Dream’s viewers of various nationalities.

July 31st: 

Dream and Sapnap log on during one of Dream’s streams, inspect the area, and go through a multi-step plan to demoralize the L’manburgians: they burn down all the trees around their land, lavacast a huge cobblestone wall just outside, construct obsidian TNT cannons around the walls, and fire several TNT blasts into the country, destroying part of the hotdog van’s roof. George joins the call, gets filled in on what’s been happening, and assists in the chaos. Eret, the only L’manburgian online, is helpless and can only meekly protest in game chat. As a final message, Dream and Sapnap set fire to Tubbo’s house (the second time) and Dream gives his famous “white flags” ultimatum. 

August 1st:

The ultimatum’s war date was pushed back a day due to Twitter drama. The final evening before war, Dream, after doing his serious stream, logs onto the server and blows up Tommy’s land with TNT, exploding part of the beloved Cuck Shed. Wilbur, in VC, tells Tommy to return the favor to Dream, but instead, Tommy chooses not to fight fire with fire. Impressed, Wilbur makes Tommy his right hand man. Eret joins Dream’s side around this time.

August 2nd:

The day of war comes. Dream’s side goes to Tubbo’s jungle base to kill Tubbo repeatedly. There’s a brief conflict at the Power Tower. Wilbur logs on - the L’manburg side is grossly underprepared. They meet at the Embassy and exchange fire with the Dream SMP members. After Dream seems to retreat, Eret suggests they return to L’manburg, saying he has a “secret weapon:” Eret has been grinding for items.

He leads them down a long tunnel into a blackstone “Final Control Room.” The chests are empty, and Tommy pushes a button in the middle of the room, wondering what its function is. The redstone doors slide open and Dream’s men ambush and kill all of them, leaving them with nothing.

After speaking with Wilbur, who refuses surrender, Dream returns to L’manburg and lights a piece of TNT at the entrance, triggering tons of TNT that had been laid beneath the ground beforehand to ignite. Tommy leads everyone into a final bunker. As one last chance at independence, Tommy challenges Dream to a bow duel for Mellohi. George and Wilbur have a short exchange in which they reflect on their Pizza Hut Date, wondering how they could end up like this, with their men fighting each other on opposite sides. Wilbur tells George he should have been on their side as a British person. Eret too.

Tommy and Dream take ten paces and fire at each other on the Prime Path.

Tommy loses the duel.

Instead of giving up just Mellohi, though, Tommy asks Dream if he could give up Cat as well in return for “technical independence.” Dream agrees. Wilbur declares independence again, putting himself as President, Tommy as Vice President, and Tubbo as Secretary of State. Eret, meanwhile, is declared king of the Dream SMP. 

YOOOOOOOOOOOO...you know the rest.

Jack Manifold is whitelisted. It’s a silver-lining ending.

Post-War Period General Events

August 3rd (?), VOD uploaded August 6th*:

On Jack’s first day, Dream attempts to bribe Jack onto his side with riches, real money, and books containing secret codes. Jack decides to act as a double agent.

VOD uploaded August 7th*:

Fundy and Eret continue their pranks. Eret builds his two towers to watch over L’manburg - Fundy completely destroyed the first of them, which is why Eret’s towers are now reinforced with obsidian. That same stream where Fundy “shrank” the tower was where Tommy and Jack first heard the tale of Fundy’s heritage. Fundy explained that his mother was a salmon (they came up with the name “Sally”) and that she was an accountant who raised him the best she could. Tommy and Jack are understandably weirded out by this.

August 6th:

Niki is also whitelisted and joins the server. The original Camarvan is torn down, and Wilbur introduces the first version of the L’manburg National Anthem.

The Drug Park Trivia Contest

August 9th:

Due to L’manburg needing more funds, Wilbur, Tommy and Tubbo get together and create a drug park business to attract drug dealers and women. They see four chickens hanging out near some gravel and name them Clementine, Clementine, Clementine and Clementine, deciding that gravel must attract women. PPA (Ponk-Purpled-Alyssa) signs a trade agreement with L’manburg.

The drug park attracts a confused Dream, who wanders around through the alleyways. Dream gets scammed and then scams them back, so Wilbur challenges Dream to a trivia contest.

August 10th:

Fundy takes off his revolutionary outfit and he and Wilbur get into a brief argument over it. Eret continues to build his second tower. Wilbur asked Tommy and Tubbo to prepare the trivia questions together, but while Tubbo had researched real trivia, Tommy put in bullshit questions that were later removed from the point score.

Dream loses the trivia contest and jumps off a cliff.

The Disc Saga: Showbiz Business

 August 13th*:

After Tommy, Tubbo, Thunder, Skeppy and Fundy give a performance of Hamilton and Macbeth to Dream, gaining Dream’s favor, Skeppy tells Tommy he has Spirit’s leather. Tommy, seeing an opportunity to use Dream’s sentimental attachment to get Dream on his good side, asks Skeppy for the leather. Instead, Skeppy trades the leather back to Dream in return for one of the discs. Tommy gets Quackity in a VC to try and intimidate Skeppy (Quackity fails), then asks for Quackity to be whitelisted. Dream whitelists Quackity.

This was also around the time that Fundy kidnapped Punz’s bee, Beenis, and was put on trial, resulting in the birth of Tubbo’s alter ego: Big Law. This would come into play during the Pet War.

The Cartel

August 17th: 

Quackity joins the server.

He is initially not allowed to join L’manburg. 

He and Tommy start the Cartel together, going on a heist and cracking jokes about John Lennon. This is an overarching scheme over the course of several streams. Tommy ends up building a summer house for himself in the hills, and constructs a drug lab in its basement which he uses with Quackity to attempt a drug scheme.

August 28th*:

Later, after Tommy finishes his summer home and names the several cows who live there, Quackity kidnaps the one named Henry and threatens his life, as he feels that Tommy has become too attached to Henry and is no longer dedicated to the Cartel. Quackity forces Tommy to play a sick trivia game show where if he gets an answer wrong, a cow dies. Tommy asks Tubbo for help, but Tubbo sides with Quackity for the drama. The conflict ends in violence, but Henry is still alive.

Tommy and Wilbur Revive the Server

August 19th*:

Tommy, concerned that the SMP is dying due to Tubbo not being online, calls in Wilbur and Quackity for a chill stream. He and Wilbur rebuild the Camarvan very, very poorly, turning it into a monstrosity of a dirt-bug held together by cobblestone. This wasn’t very consequential, I just included it to explain how the Camarvan ended up looking like That.

The Disc Saga: Railway Skirmish

August 23rd*:

One day, Tommy was hanging around at his summer home. He hops in a minecart and accidentally runs Dream over. Dream uses the /kill command as a funny way to mess with Tommy (and the audience), causing him to die and lose all his stuff. Dream hadn’t been expecting Tommy to take advantage of it. Unbeknownst to Tommy, Tubbo runs in and snatches Dream’s prized sword, hiding it underground.

Tommy and Tubbo realize that with all of Dream’s gear in their possession, they finally have the high ground, and try and use that high ground to trade Dream for the disc. Wilbur joins and questions Tommy about why they’re trying to cause conflict, as L’manburg can’t afford to fight another war so soon. Wilbur orders them to return Dream’s things and apologize. Dream doesn’t give Tommy the disc, but does trade Tommy for Spirit’s leather in return for his stuff back. Tommy tries and fails to trade Skeppy the leather for the disc. He and Sapnap also then team up to kill Dream, but Sapnap betrays Tommy after being threatened and Tommy never succeeds in getting a disc back.

Tubbo reveals to Tommy afterwards that he’d hidden Dream’s sword, and they’d successfully kept it: they now have leverage.

Church Prime

August 24th:

Tommy and Dream put their differences aside for one day and start a religion together after plugging Twitch Prime for twenty minutes straight, to Tubbo’s disapproval. Quackity assists as well. The Vape Tower and Holy Land are created. Dream levitates into the air and /kill’s himself, then gets resurrected. One of the funniest streams the SMP’s ever had.

Church Prime has been born!

The Disc Saga: Spirit Scam / Start of the Pet War

August 27th*:

Tommy is enraged by Sapnap killing one of his beloved cows, Harold. He griefs Sapnap’s house and also informs Niki that her pet, a little fox named Fungi, was also killed by Sapnap. Niki is furious. She, Tommy and Tubbo kidnap Mars and Beckerson with the intentions of holding them for ransom as revenge. Dream, concerned about this, tries to reason with them. He can’t let Mars and Beckerson die at any cost. 

While the sides make their threats, Dream locks up the jukebox room in Tommy’s house with obsidian and starts playing the real Mellohi to taunt them out of cockiness. Tubbo and Tommy manage to snatch Mellohi and put it in an ender chest. Dream, realizing he’d screwed up, names a fake Mellohi disc “Tommy’s Disc” and tries to convince them that that was the real one. 

After plenty of scamming involving Dream’s sword, Spirit, Mellohi, the fish, and a confusing switcheroo, Tommy ends up with the real Mellohi and the real Spirit, while Dream keeps Beckerson and Mars in his possession. Niki just wanted an apology.

The Pet War

August 29th*:

After taking a brief recess from the SMP, Fundy logs on and starts to catch up on what he’s missed. He’s confused by Church Prime, but is more concerned with chat spamming “RIP Fungi.” He doesn’t believe it at first, but sees Fungi’s grave in L’manburg and calls Niki, who tells him what happened. Furious, he says that Sapnap must pay.

He asks Dream for Mars, but Dream is unwilling to give her to him. Instead, Dream leads Fundy and Niki to the dog house and show them the pets. He tells them that Skechers is Sapnap’s fox, but they didn’t hear it from him. As he is unable to kill one of his own kind, Fundy asks Niki to murder it with a pickaxe.

After a scavenger hunt stream with George, Dream tells Sapnap what happened. Sapnap, enraged, kills Niki’s animals and Fundy’s enderman pet. The Dream Team hide their remaining animals off screen.

August 31st*:

Fundy gets Beenis and a beehive at Tubbo’s base and offers to play a cruel game with Punz in which Punz chooses to spare one of the beenests while the other is thrown into fire. Punz decides that choosing is better than leaving Beenis in an enderchest and chooses. They place down the spared beenest but no bee comes out. Tommy and Tubbo arrive in full armor, looking ominously at Punz. Fundy explains the situation to them, favoring his side of the story, and Tommy and Tubbo defend him as one of their own. Fundy has started a war.

September 1st:

Fundy and Niki get a pet bee named Beelloon. They hide it in an obsidian box to keep it safe. They also locate Sapnap’s pets based on small details in the background of George’s stream.

Sapnap and Punz arrive one day after a Twitch Rivals tournament and force Fundy to watch as they explode Fungi’s grave with TNT. Fundy says they should end the fighting for good with a duel: one vs. one, Sapnap and Fundy.

September 10th:

Fundy builds a scaled-down version of Technoblade and Dream’s arena just behind his base. Tubbo referees the duel between Fundy and Sapnap. Fundy loses. Sapnap takes Niki’s fish and starts to play the same game with Fundy, but stops at the last second - it’s not worth stoking up the fires of war again. He congratulates Fundy on being a worthy competitor and leaves after returning the fish to Fundy. The Pet War ends there.

The Election

September 3rd*:

Tubbo and Fundy get into an argument that threatens to tear L’manburg apart in Civil War. Tommy, while Wilbur isn’t online, is the one left in charge of diffusing the conflict, which he does successfully. The next day (September 4th*), Wilbur logs back on and Tommy fills him in on what he’s missed. They decide that they need to consolidate power, and choose to hold a rigged election where they’re the only party that can be voted for. Quackity, after learning this, states that he’ll be running as well to prevent their dictatorship, declaring his campaign “SWAG2020.” This throws a wrench in Wilbur and Tommy’s plans. Wilbur and Tommy’s party is renamed “POG2020.”

September 9th*:

The Presidential debate is held in Tubbo’s King’s Court. Quackity reveals that Georgenotfound is his running mate. Tommy attempts a smear campaign against him, then later accepts bribery from Karl, who was overseeing the debate. Tubbo takes Karl’s spot to be less biased. Fundy states that he wants to run for president as well. September 15th, Tommy gains Sapnap’s vote by publicly denouncing Fundy, telling him that if Wilbur weren’t Fundy’s father, Fundy would be kicked out of L’manburg. The following days, they hold a few more rallies, sing a duet of Let it Go, and Wilbur, Tommy and Quackity construct the White House while speaking Spanish. This is also the birth of “Tubbox.”

September 20th:

They hold one last rally where the parties show off their endorsements. POG2020 is endorsed by Vikkstar. Georgenotfound is a no-show. Everyone wonders where he is, with one of the running theories being that he’s off editing the Vlog. Fundy and Niki announce their campaign: COCONUT2020. 

Tommy and Wilbur have one last endorsement up their sleeve: Schlatt logs onto the server. He’s been unbanned. Instead of endorsing POG2020, however, he accidentally endorses COCONUT2020 and then decides to run his own candidacy, SCHLATT2020. Violence breaks out, Tommy, Wilbur and Quackity all escape underground. Wilbur and Tommy offer to combine votes with Quackity, but Quackity refuses after they reveal the offer is conditional on their own defeat. Instead, Quackity decides to partner with Schlatt.

Also worth mentioning is the fact that Wilbur asked for Tommy’s Mellohi disc, the real one, to keep until they’d won the election. Tommy gives it to him.

Schlatt’s Inauguration

September 21st:

HBomb is added to the server. Wilbur gets on the podium and states the election results: POG2020 won the popular vote by 45%, but was beaten out by the combined vote total of SCHLATT2020 and SWAG2020 of 46%, making Schlatt the President and Quackity the Vice President. Schlatt designates Tubbo as his right-hand man, still Secretary of State.

Schlatt’s decrees are as follows, given throughout the rest of the stream: Tommy and Wilbur’s citizenship is revoked, the walls are torn down, L’manburg is renamed to Manberg.

Tommy and Wilbur escape into the woods (Tommy’s second exile) and Technoblade offers them assistance. Technoblade logs onto the server and they find a ravine to make a barracks in: Pogtopia.

Tommy and Wilbur then go to negotiate with Schlatt for a one-day visa to L’manburg for Ninja’s visit. Schlatt agrees to it.

Ninja’s Visit

September 25th*:

Ninja visits and streams with Tommy for a day. He ends up getting married to Georgenotfound and using their marriage to get the Pogtopians an extended visa without Schlatt’s knowledge.

Pet War II: Battle of the Lake

Sapnap and Karl, who were engaged to marry with a wooden Eiffel Tower as their honeymoon spot, attempt to kidnap Henry. Instead, Sapnap accidentally kills Henry with fall damage.

October 5th:

Tommy is beyond enraged at the death of Henry, and goes to grief Skeppy’s property with Niki while he’s grieving. Dream joins and helps Tommy lavacast the Eiffel Tower. They attempt to frame Badboyhalo for this, which starts a new conflict and a battle between Skeppy and Bad against Dream and Tommy. 

Sapnap logs on, Tommy confronts him, and Sapnap eats Henry’s corpse. Antfrost also joins in on Bad and Skeppy’s side. The fight continues, and Dream and Tommy escape into the wilderness together and a chase ensues. Niki is taken hostage.

Dream decides to entrust Tommy with one of the most valuable pets on the server: Mars. Tommy must never, under any circumstances, harm her. Tommy tells Sapnap he has Mars, but Sapnap doesn’t believe Dream would trust Tommy with such a thing at first.

Everyone heads to Pogtopia. Tommy gives his famous “I have the Blade” line and Technoblade logs on. Dream also joins Techno and Tommy’s side. They declare it the Battle of the Lake after a tiny pond next to Tommy’s Intimidation Tower. Punz swaps sides mid battle, and Dream, Tommy and Techno overpower the opposing side, claiming victory.

Dreamon Hunters

October 7th:

Tubbo and Fundy want to create some chaos, but their targets keep logging off and foiling their plans. Eventually, Dream logs on, and that’s when they get the idea to perform an exorcism on Dream. They get Dream to Skeppy’s Mansion and perform a complicated ritual, ending with them logging out and then back in again, and Dream exploding TNT, killing himself and also Tubbo in the blast. After this exorcism, Dream seems...different. He says he wants to be a builder, he wants to hug Technoblade, and his IQ is...75! 

Tubbo and Fundy think at first that they’ve successfully removed the Dreamon, but after performing a test with an iron door, everything goes sour. In a last effort to get Dream back to normal, Fundy recreates his marriage proposal scene with Dream. Dream ascends into the air, explodes, and all seems to go back to normal...until DreamXD logs on.

October 15th:

In a second stream, Tubbo and Fundy get their proper Dreamon Hunter outfits, set up a base of operations on the beach near the Mansion, and recruit Sapnap to assist them.

The Festival

VOD uploaded October 10th*:

Tommy has an idea to connect the Prime Path from Pogtopia all the way to Dream SMP, but accidentally reveals Tubbo’s tunnel to Quackity in the process. This leads to a split between Tommy and Wilbur, in which Wilbur snaps and tells Tommy that this is why he isn’t the President and never will be.

Schlatt comes on. He ignores the tunnels, but announces something new: The official Manberg Festival, a celebration of democracy and freedom. With this announcement, Wilbur starts to have doubts about his intentions. Why should he want to go against someone who was democratically elected, hosting fun events for the citizens? Wilbur has a realization: he’s the villain. A few minutes pass, and he’s completely gone, slipping into paranoia about everyone’s loyalties as he starts to distrust that even Tubbo is on his side. He has a plan to blow the entire place up with TNT, and asks Dream to help.

At the end of the day, Tubbo and Tommy have a moment by the bench. Tubbo reveals to Tommy that he’d been given a Mellohi disc by Wilbur, who had also given a copy to Tommy as well. They question why Wilbur would give them both copies of Mellohi, and try to hide the truth about the disc. Tubbo says he probably has the real one.

In the coming days, Tubbo and Fundy help create the decorations. Fundy, meanwhile, has been questioning his loyalties. He wonders what Tommy and Wilbur ever really did for the country in their administration.

October 16th:

The day of the Festival arrives. Everyone, including Technoblade, has been invited except for Wilbur and Tommy. Techno joins in with the party activities, and it’s a joyous day. Tommy and Wilbur wait on the roof, and have a brief conversation with Tubbo before the moment arrives. Wilbur accuses Tubbo of being a yes-man, explains that there’s a key phrase in the speech to activate the TNT. There are twenty pieces of TNT beneath Schlatt’s chair alone.

He puts Tubbo in charge of making the final decision of whether Manberg stays or falls. It’s up to Tubbo to say the line. As the party settles, Tubbo goes up to give his speech. He says it, Schlatt prompts him for more, and Tubbo says the line. Wilbur and Tommy hop down to press the button, but Schlatt gives a little chuckle. He and Quackity start trapping Tubbo in concrete, keeping him in Schlatt’s chair while everyone looks on in confusion. Wilbur and Tommy pause – they can’t detonate the TNT with Tubbo in the blast radius. Schlatt reveals that he’d known about Tubbo’s spying all along, and calls up Technoblade for a favor.

Schlatt orders Technoblade to execute Tubbo. A few shots from Techno’s rocket launcher, and the deed is done. Techno then turns and massacres the crowd as Tommy pearls onto the podium and Wilbur searches around for the button, which he’d lost. Wilbur confronts Schlatt in order to defend Niki, but Schlatt orders Niki’s death and everyone runs back to Pogtopia.

Tommy is fuming at Technoblade, and the two have a short fist fight in a combat pit to settle their differences. Tommy loses, but his rage still remains. Techno tells him that the only universal language is violence, and now that they’ve settled that issue, it’s time to move on.

October 19th:

A few days after the festival, Tommy comes online and overhears an argument between Quackity and Schlatt over the destruction of the White House. Quackity snaps at Schlatt, shoots him, and runs off into the forest while Schlatt tears the building down. Tommy meets with him, and Quackity is recruited into the rebellion. Wilbur comes on and gets filled in. Wilbur also reveals that he’d found the button room off stream, and shows it to Tommy and Quackity. He only needed two witnesses. Tommy and Quackity trap Wilbur into the corner before he can press it, though, and talk him down into taking another approach for now. 

The Meeting

November 2nd:

It’s Niki’s birthday party. A fun-filled gathering hosted by Karl at his new Haunted Mansion, featuring several members of the SMP. Wilbur and Quackity are both there, and hang around after the party to sing love-hate songs to one another while playing the guitar. After Quackity sings one last song to Wilbur, though, things turn south. Wilbur tells Quackity that he’s going to blow up Manberg, and Quackity is going to watch. Everyone runs to Manberg in a panic as Wilbur starts playing the chords to Hallelujah. He begins to sing the L’manburg National Anthem in preparation, but Quackity manages to convince him not to do it. Wilbur gives Quackity an ultimatum: set up a meeting with Schlatt by the coming Friday, or Manberg gets blown to smithereens.

November 6th:

Friday comes. Quackity and Schlatt have a meeting in which Quackity attempts to trick Schlatt into signing away his presidency. Schlatt doesn’t fall for it. He, Quackity and Tommy wander through the woods while Wilbur makes his way to the button. But Schlatt reveals that he’d found out about the Button Room, and he’d disconnected the button’s redstone and moved the TNT somewhere else.

Coincidentally, Fundy had just done a massive prank marathon the day before, and one of his many pranks was to fill Pogtopia to the brim with buttons…loads, and loads, of buttons.

Everyone meets in Pogtopia. Badboyhalo arrives as well, and Fundy comes to reveal his Spy’s Diary, a book of information he’d collected on Schlatt throughout the entire administration with details on Schlatt’s deteriorating health. Wilbur starts to realize that instead of no one being on their side, everyone was on their side. Just as he comes to that idea, though, Dream joins the call and there’s another reveal: a traitor in their midst. Wilbur and Dream agree to end things for good on November 16th: the final war for L’manburg’s fate.

Pet War III: The Panda Skirmish

November 5th:

While in the jungle, Punz finds a panda and Sapnap helps retrieve it, saying that if anyone touches the panda, who they named Dumptruck, it would be a battle.

Once they get back, though, Antfrost, with assistance from Badboyhalo, attempts to steal the panda for the animal sanctuary. During the movement of the panda around from place to place as Punz and Sapnap attempt to get it back, the panda dies due to Punz’ armor enchantments. They blame the Badlands for the panda’s death, as if they hadn’t tried to steal it, the panda would still be alive.

As things break out into all-out war, Sam joins the fray to help the Badlands. Sapnap threatens Fran, saying Fran would not be able to come back if the dog died.

The battle ends in the victory of the Dream SMP members, and the defeat of the Badlands.

Pet War IV: The Final Pet War

November 15th:

The night before the final war, Tommy and Sapnap finally have their confrontation about Sapnap stealing Tommy’s horse, Juorse, not too long before. 

Tommy and Techno meet with Sapnap. Sapnap, surprisingly, advocates for talking out the conflict instead of immediately breaking out into fighting. All he wanted was Mars back.

They meet at the Community House and negotiate. While Sapnap returned Juorse to Tommy, however, Tommy refused to give up Mars. Sapnap killed Juorse in retaliation, angering Tommy. Tommy runs away, while Dream and George join the server with the intention to kill Sapnap for an unexplained reason.

 After a chase, Tommy is led to Sapnap’s secret base and shown his remaining pets. Sapnap tells Tommy to kill them. Tommy, refusing to stoop to Sapnap’s pet-killing level, says no. To settle the conflict, Sapnap and Tommy agree to a duel at Eret’s museum. Sapnap wins very quickly. While Tommy is being made fun of by the others, though, Sapnap is gracious and does not. He respects Tommy as an opponent, and the two go off on their own to talk.

Tommy tells Sapnap that all the Pet Wars have to end, for good this time. He says Sapnap has to let go of Mars. If he truly loves Mars, and doesn’t want to see her passed around as a bargaining chip forever, she should be freed.

Sapnap, though saddened, agrees, and they set Mars free at the shore, watching her swim out to sea. 

Free at last.

The Manberg-Pogtopia War: Finale of Season One

November 16th:

It’s war day. All hell is about to break loose. Dawn of the finale.

Tubbo logs on to prepare, and ends up getting stalked and killed by Dream. Dream allows him to retrieve his items, though – it was just a show of strength.

Quackity and Tubbo share a few moments of reflection together. They discuss who could possibly be the traitor. They both suspect Tommy.

On top of Ponk’s tower, they make a promise to each other. At the count of ten, they would stand opposite each other with the Eye blocking their view, and would, at the same time, take a step to one side. Towards the city if they would stay and fight, and towards the forest if they would run. The count reaches zero: they both step to the side to fight. 

Tubbo starts to question if this is all just history repeating itself, if every war since the Disc War is just bound to end in defeat.

Karl attempts to bribe pretty much everyone on the Pogtopia side to join Manberg, with little success. 

Eret is confronted by Dream, who asks him where his power comes from. Eret says respect, but Dream says the only reason Eret is king is because of an axe and a shield: the people who fight in his name. Dream warns Eret to stay neutral, sit on his throne and look pretty. Eret decides to betray, and Dream revokes his kingship. In Eret’s place he puts George, fulfilling his promise from the first L’manburg war. George is pleased, and then goes off to continue building a little mushroom house for himself, which would of course go on to become a vital plot point of Season Two.

Eret joins the Pogtopians (minus Tommy and Wilbur) at Manberg. They head to a little spot by the sea and set up a board to discuss who is on their side, and who is not. Meanwhile, Tommy and Wilbur log on together. Tommy protects the L’mantree in a wall of obsidian, and beneath the Power Tower, Tommy plays the disc Mellohi and Wilbur rants, threatening to blow up the country. 

Everyone meets in Pogtopia. Wilbur has also started to give out blue dye, which he calls “blue.” Techno leads them all to his secret base and the vault beneath, revealing all the items he’d grinded for. Everyone stocks up on supplies, but they didn’t realize that the Netherite armor was full of useless enchantments that Techno had put on it to disguise the truth: that he was planning on fighting them all along.

Everyone then charges across Tommy’s bridge to Manberg and ascends Eret’s second tower to shoot down on the Manbergians. The fight continues on the ground, ending with Dream asking Wilbur to talk. It was time to negotiate for Manberg’s surrender.

He leads everyone to Schlatt, who was hiding out in the Camarvan completely drunk. Everyone gathers around Schlatt as he gives his last words, last rants, and then abruptly dies of a heart attack or stroke. Everyone is surprised, but uneasily happy.

Wilbur makes Tommy the President. Tommy goes up on the podium to give a speech, but says he can’t be the President right now: he still has a Disc War with Dream to fight. Instead, he makes Wilbur the President.

Wilbur gives a speech, but says he can’t be President as well. Instead, he gives the Presidency to Tubbo. (This is the point where, on Philza’s Hardcore stream, he tunes in to hear Tubbo’s speech)

Tubbo gives a speech and actually accepts the Presidency. Wilbur says he’ll be right back and heads off, causing Phil some concern. Wilbur heads to the button room, Phil realizes what’s going on, and Phil scrambles to get on the server, desperate to stop his son.

During Tubbo’s speech, Dream messages Techno, pointing out that Techno is anti-government. Techno doesn’t like how this is going, and decides to assassinate Tubbo with his rocket launcher, causing panic. A fight breaks out.

Tommy and the others are told by Dream that there is a traitor: the traitor is Wilbur. Everyone realizes in horror that Wilbur is nowhere to be seen.

Wilbur is confronted in the button room by Phil. He gives a short speech before giving his final line: “It was never meant to be,” and presses the button. Manberg goes up in a blast. Afterwards, as Tommy and the others watch, Wilbur begs Phil to kill him, and Phil does. 

Techno tells Tommy the tale of Theseus and spawns two withers. 

“Do you want to be a hero, Tommy? Then die like one!”

Wilbur respawns, wanders around the SMP, has a short moment at Eret’s museum and then returns to Manberg, at which point he gets attacked by a wither. He decides to end stream, and declares Tubbo the President of a crater.

In the aftermath of the final battle, everyone surveys the damage. Tubbo creates his new cabinet, Techno and Phil speak with one another as well. 

Tommy, Tubbo and Dream all agree to a moment of truce as they listen to a disc at the bench together, sitting side by side.

With that, Season One draws to a close.

It’s not the end.

Just a new beginning.

---

...And that’s about it for now! 

Season One of the Dream SMP was a half-year-long wild ride to experience, full of countless fond memories and all-around good times.

Here’s to what comes next!

I hope you enjoyed!

[theguyinthemathexamples]

Madinat Khalida, The Timeless City

Pairing(s): None (Slight Rukkhadevata x GoS ig)

Genre: Angst, Fanmade Lore

Timeline/AU: In the middle of the Archon War

Content Warning(s): Implied Major Character Death, A Nation Getting Buried (Literally), Shit Storytelling, Fanmade Lore (i.e completely made up), 2AM-5AM Writing (fell asleep mid-write), GoS Isn't Reader, GoS dies in Rukkrukk's Arms(not in a romantic way lmao), GoS' Gender Is Not Specified And Will Use They/Them Pronouns, Morax Back At It Again Smh, It's Raining Spears, Hallelujah It's Raining Spears, - GoS' People—Probably, The Burying Technically Ain't His Fault Though (surprisingly).

C/N: Faruzan bonked my head so much i threw this up; lore enthusiasts don't kill me for this pls

Madinat Khalida, also known as The Timeless City; collapsed due to a brawl between the God of Silence and the God of Contracts—or as some would call him, the God of War.

The two gods fought long and hard, tooth and nail, till many moons and suns rose and fell. The forest had seen it, the shadows had witnessed it, and the beaming light that held high merely gazed on.

The God of Silence was by no means a weak god, having to fend off more than a few creatures that their early nation could've fallen for a thousand times over.

But alas, the so-called God of War had his eyes sent on them and their nation. His intentions may have been good—only intending to "spar" with them, but their fight had erupted many casualties on the desert's plains, both in its wake and its aftermath.

:

The spears that rained down the city were buried beneath the sands, but what went along with it was Madinat Khalida.

The God of Silence grieved at the death of their people when their nation was caught in-between the depths of the sand and the bedrock below, knowing that they could've just led the opposing god out of the perimeter of their city - but what they did was already done.

Their city had sunk.

With the God of Contracts having "oh so coincidentally" already left the crime scene, their nation buried underneath miles upon miles of sand; they joined their nation in hopes of rescuing or unearthing any evidence of life—trying to reassure themselves that maybe, just maybe, there was even a patch of grass alive.

As they lost hope in finding even just a piece of cloth, they saw a soft, green glow emanating from the other side of their city - one that they hadn't notice before.

Due to their desperation, they sprinted to the light, slowly getting engulfed by it and promptly passing out from their exhaustion.

After they had awoken, they saw a big, magnificent tree—the one who the people of Sumeru now call "Irminsul"—, once they remembered their original objective, they ran from root to root and bark to bark until they reached the base of the tree.

Naturally, since they were dubbed as the God of Silence, they couldn't speak, so they had to resort into using some of their remaining magic left, and spoke,

"Oh blessed tree, you who have witnessed nations rise and fall, you who remember every living being that had first opened it's eyes and those who fell prey to eternal sleep. Please, oh please, where have my children gone? To where did the last of my dears go?"

The tree didn't reply, only keeping it's radiant glow bright. The God of Silence shed their final tear, using the last of their power to ask one more question, "To where did my city—that had seemingly bloomed from nothing—go, oh heavenly tree?"

They knew it was all for nothing, but they smiled once more, kneeling as they embraced the tree. At last, the god breathed their last breath, a soft sigh escaping their lips.

At last, a god clad in green and white, the god that was dubbed as the God of Wisdom by her people, approached the rapidly disintegrating god, rushing to their side—her face filled with remorse, regret and shock.

As the last of their physical form flew with the wind, the God of Wisdom could only wordlessly pick up their belongings - clothes, accessories, and the like.

To commemorate the late god, Greater Lord Rukkhadevata put on three leaf clips that she had given to them before as a welcome gift.

Unbeknownst to her, the god's soul remained, with it now possessing the three clips; binding the two gods in an eternal harmony of wisdom and music.

TGITME/N: I have so many more sfuff i wanna add but then I'll just end up chewing myself up from the inside out

Also, yes, i will update the sun and moon god blorples, both them and y'all deserve to know what they're like

Unless before i get swallowed in the depths of SAGAU again, this'll be my offering to all of y'all and wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy advanced new year :DDD

[talonisputi]

Jumputi Series #9: Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo

A gag manga written and drawn by Yoshio Sawai, often times known for its wackiness and parody of other Shonen titles.

Synopsis: Bobobo is a rebel who uses Hanage Shinken (Fist of the Nose Hair) to fight against the Hair Hunts, a crusade by the Maruhage Empire to shave every person bald.

Characters: Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo - The titular character, he was trained by the same master as Gunkan to use the Hanage Shinken. He was then awarded the title of True Master of the Fist of the Nose Hair because of his heritage in the Hair Kingdom. He now uses that martial art to fight against the Maruhage Empire and end their Hair Crusades.

Don Patch - A character Bobobo becomes allies with, he is the leader of the Hajike Gang who oppose the Maruhage Empire. He quits the Hajike Gang claiming they did not give him space, but really he did so to go wig out more with Bobobo.

Heppokomaru - Another ally Bobobo makes along his quest against the Hair Crusades. He is a master of the Onara Shinken (Fist of the Back Wind). He joins the group after saving Beauty on two occasions.

Beauty - A young teenage girl who is often the voice of reason of the group. She is the first rebel to join Bobobo's group.

Tokoro Tennosuke - A member of the main Hajike trio, he first spent life trying to be sold in a supermarket, followed by working for the Maruhage Empire, and then a bit after his defeat he joined Bobobo's group. Underneath his cold and serious exterior lies an emotional mess.

Softon - Formerly from the Babylon Kingdom, Softon worked for the Maruhage Empire as the protector of the Jet Black Room before being defeated by Bobobo. After helping Bobobo a bit and a few other situations he would officially join the rebels against Halekulani.

Hatenko -A user of the Kagi Shinken (Fist of the Key). he is an emissary of Bububu sent to find Bobobo to help save the Hair Kingdom. Often seen as one of the saner characters, his fanboy like attitude towards Don Patch can bely his serious nature.

Dengakuman - A small creature whose only concerns in life were making people eat Dengaku and making friends. Dengakuman was the leader of the Z Block, the most powerful of the Head Hunter blocks, before encountering Bobobo and the group. He would later join the team permanently.

Gunkan - The first of the Maruhage Empire Four Heavenly Kings, a former friend of and now rival to Bobobo. Gunkan trained to become the Seventh Master of Hanage Shinken alongside Bobobo, but ultimately Bobobo won the title over him. Now he uses his hatred of Bobobo as a scapegoat for his work as Head Hunter.

OVER - The third member of the Maruhage Four Heavenly Kings, he takes his job as a Head Hunter very seriously. He shares a body with Torpedo Girl, neither can exist while the other does. OVER appears emotionless except for a slow building anger during battle.

Torpedo Girl - The other half of OVER, she is even unpredictable to Bobobo and the gang. Unlike OVER who has a slow building anger, she can become angered at the slightest of things.

Halekulani - The fourth and strongest of the Maruhage Four Heavenly Kings. He also owns the amusement park Hallelujah Land.

Bobopatchnosuke - A fusion of Bobobo, Don Patch, and Tennosuke, he is a completely serious warrior with some unserious mannerisms. It is said he can only last one minute in form but may be unlimited in Majide Time.

This series was in the game at its launch.

[oliver-emrys-photography]

Bears in Trees 2021

It has now been a year since I worked for @bearsintreesofficial at their show last year in July.

I drove the almost forty miles with my dad to Birmingham to be at the venue for six, it didn't set in that I was literally about to meet the people who's music has gotten me through many rough patches for about 5 or six years and the fact that I was about to photograph them even though I had no experience with portraits like, at all. I had just made it through my first year of art college and I was in a rough place to say the least.

Before I had even gotten out of the car I had counted three sensory overloads from being in a city (and the anxiety of what could happen) and I hadn't even made it to the venue. I remember necking a double expresso after I had met Callum and that's where my mind sort of went blank. I ended up getting really sick, I was overwhelmed and dizzy and I could barely form a straight sentence in my head, I remember my das telling me I had nothing to worry about and that I was going to do fine. It was at this time I sort of realised I had jumped deep into the water of realisation. I was sixteen with no experience of professional work. my only camera was a little canon power-shot that I couldn't even change the shutter speed on, I had an anxiety disorder and working on an ASD diagnosis. Needless to say I definitely wasn't the person for the job. I felt too awkward to talk to anyone or even try to get some photos of the band so I just hid in one of the booths on the balcony coughing and crying under the table (not my best moment)

I had another sensory overload whilst the gig was on and I got my first migraine whilst taking the photos and I felt like my head was splitting open, at one point I remember leaning on the wall subtly trying to look like I wasn't on the verge of tears. I genuinely don't remember the rest of the gig

I do remember being outside afterwards, my head was face down on a picnic table afterwards and I couldn't get anything to hydrate me and I could barely grasp onto a sentence. I remember loud music was playing from what was assumed to be a rave happening a couple buildings down. Iain came outside and talked to my dad and I but I cant remember anything but trying to listen and my dad innocently pointing out that they had tape around their shoe (its a vibe dad just roll with it! also sorry Iain if I looked a bit dissociated whilst talking)

I got home at about midnight I remember the orchestral version of 'hallelujah' was on the radio and I softly mumbled the only version i knew (which was admittedly the L'manburg version), and I could barely even make it into bed. I woke up at about noon the next day (insomnia eradicated).

To this day I still hate the photos I took, they are definitely the worst quality I have ever shot and I am still embarrassed at how they came out, and even through this past year has been a huge growth for me, i think it will take a long time to come before I accept them for what they are. I will forever be grateful to Bears in Trees and all they had done for me past and present and I wish them the very best in success and development. I am seventeen (eighteen in a week today) with a lot more confidence and in the words of panic! At The Disco, 'Things have changed for me, but that's okay,'

Anyway, if you haven't listen to Bears in Trees you should definitely check them out!

[groggiie]

Bee Movie Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Bee Movie script is here for all you fans of the Jerry Seinfeld animated movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Bee Movie quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Bee Movie Script

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things

work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All

right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for

that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not?

- It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane!

You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label

on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so

difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer,

have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta

weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke

machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the

last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble.

We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen,

everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that. Special thanks to SergeiK.

oph my god

[queennicoleinboots]

Corn Becomes An Ingredient In Alphabet Soup

(sequel to "Lake Erie Is Where We Got Alphabet Soup")

PP chuckled and sounded like a bubbling cauldron. "Corn? I'm sure we have a few cans somewhere! We make them with olive oil!"

A thin Italian woman with the most Plain Jane face you will ever see in your life walked on the deck and started singing in a screechy voice. "I can look for the corn," she said.

"Yes, please," X said with the typical irritation on her face that had existed since Cain and Abel existed.

"Okie dokie artichokie, hold on!" The thin Italian woman said.

"We have artichokes, Olive Oil! We need CORN!!!" PP shouted.

"Don't believe me, just rock! Don't believe me, just rock! Vegetables say Hallelujah! Artichokes say Hallelujah!" a brutish sailor man sang in a deep voice.

"Shaddap, Bruno!" PP shouted.

"Artichokes sound good," P said. She was formerly self-proclaimed "L."

"Artichokes and corn are a great mix, though," B said.

"What about hearts of palm?!" OO asked.

"Why didn't *I* think of that?! Find those and the canned corn!" X called to OO.

OO then went in the ship.

N barked.

"Really?" P asked. "You're a pain in the ass."

"How would you know?" N asked.

"I deal with your bullshit every day," P answered.

"Actually it's DOG shit!" N announced as his face appeared in the Heavens.

C, V, and Patches laughed. SpongeBear laughed his trademark laugh. J took another shit in the water. U cackled and shit the childish fish out of her large lavender ass that had sea moss attached to it in the water. She did not digest them, so they were embedded in her black goo poop.

"This has been a hell of a battle. Lots of bad teammates. At least Y is decent. Not great, but not ridiculous. I had more damage. What build did Yasuo go?" W asked as he drank his root beer on the shore.

Yasuo was a tornado ninja that was supposed to be a hurricane, but he instead became a dam.

Wild Rift was even a thing back in circa 30000 B.C.

N then yawned. "I wonder. Is OO Extra Virgin?" he asked.

A big uglyass light brown boxer then did a Scooby Doo laugh. He is an uglyass dog.

"Not for long," PP answered with his chuckle that sounded like alphabet soup boiling.

The ocean boiled. C, Scooby Doo, V, N, Patches, and W giggled.

W then waddled on the blond sand. "That’s hot! That's hot, Mama," he said.

C, Scooby Doo, V, N, W, and Patches giggled.

J squawked.

"I found the artichokes and hearts of palm, but no corn, unless you want creamed corn," OO said.

X and George Carlin shouted into the Heavens, "GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!" George Carlin still wore that banana yellow speedo.

Sandy Cheeks swam into the alphabet soup, climbed up the boat, and attacked OO.

OO screamed, "Help! Help!"

B and PP ran to her rescue. Sandy Cheeks then growled and hissed at them. She then became large. SpongeBear then showed up on the boat and ripped some of her fur off. She yelled, "SpongeBear!!!!" She charged everyone. B ran like a bitch while PP fed her spinach.

Sandy Cheeks screamed in a Southern accent, "I wanted CORN!" She then picked PP up and ate him.

"Whole golden kernel corn!" Wilma Parmello shouted.

X thought she was dead, but she guessed not. That didn't happen until 2018 when the postal United States Postal Services driver drove through Colonel America for America's house and ran her and some other bimbo over. 2018 was going to be the best year ever because that driver singlehandedly saved it from being total shit.

Then all kinds of fish in that ocean and all kinds of people and land mammals started singing, "Where where where the fuck? Where the fuck's the corn?"

B then walked up to OO. "So... since Sandy Cheeks ate PP, can we... ya know... be boyfriend and girlfriend?" he asked.

"No. You're a bitch," OO said plainly.

Sandy Cheeks chattered in squirrel language.

A dolphin chirped, and its chirp echoed.

A stupid narrator narrated in a stupid German accent in the tropical background of "You're a bitch. Where the fuck's the corn?" written in sea shells.

A duck who looked like Colonel America for America quacked the song, "Where the fuck's the corn?"

Daffy Duck joined in on the quacking.

"Maybe David Hasselhoff would have the corn," SpongeBear said before he laughed his diabolical laugh. X wanted to tie him on a sand dune and let him dry out.

An angry German swimsuit model identified as David Hasselhoff then screamed and drove a large pirate ship at 700 nautical miles an hour through the ocean and crashed it on a giant iceberg. The iceberg exploded, David Hasselhoff, and the ship exploded. A bunch of corn was created from the explosion.

SpongeBear laughed before a kernel of corn flew in his mouth and caused him to choke to death.

There the fuck's the corn.

End Credits: "IT'S CORN" by The Ocean Cornfish (the childish fish that U pooped out): https://youtube.com/shorts/UcjTjJrltQ8?si=D8DZ73_4xwwupLYv