#...this underlying fear of Not Being Safe Here. but i couldn't run. so i was a caged animal (that's how it felt)...

[uncanny-tranny]

Something you start noticing is that people who hold delusional or "incoherent" beliefs have reasons for believing them that you might understand. There's this idea that delusional people or people who otherwise hold "out-there" views just... come up with them on a whim, but that isn't always the case. I find that when people start assuming that delusional beliefs come from nowhere, they think that they're really easy to just "snap out of," and it doesn't work like that.

You might not understand why somebody believes in something, but knowing that it is for a reason can remind you that they aren't being antagonistic. There is already a lot going on. The least you can do is understand where the person is coming from and offer compassion, not judgment.

[rubberducki20]

Tehehe I lied, Imma write more on my sweet babies Kora and Jarek <3, just a small note: I haven't given up on my other story of my human x orc, it's just on Haitus.

Jarek's POV

He couldn't believe that his little human was the owner of this store; the one that fed him so many nights on the cold streets. He was happy to know he'd be working here, it was surprising, this feeling; he hadn't felt this in so long.

"Okay guys, I need to go run some errands, so y'all can handle this." Kora said, there was an underlying of question, but Jarek could tell she truly trusted the two other men to handle everything. He followed her to the back of the store, and then to the car. "So you only hire Demi humans or what?" Jarek scoffs, trying to hide his excitement. "I hire people coming back into society after jail and prison. I've known those two men for a few years. One was in prison for beating the hit of a child predator and the other for gang-related activity. No, I won't tell you which." the little human chuckles.

As the duo pulled up to a warehouse, a trio came up, a girl, and two men. "Hello, Mrs. Rayne. Mr. Sotch, Mr. Blue." Jarek's sense of tension rose, and he got closer to his little human. If anyone was gonna hurt her, it was gonna be him making her scream in pleasure. "Ms. Kora, come with us. The shipment is in. You did order the blue correct?" the other petite woman asks, her voice being too high-pitched. "Yes, I did. I know you guys don't like me buying from you since I'm just a simple baker, but desperate actions make people do crazy things." Jarek could sense a lot more going down than what was being shown and he hated it. He followed Kora but checked out every surrounding as they went from room to room. The group finally came to a stop and the men stopped while the girls kept walking. "Human, am I supposed to stay?" Jarek reached his hand out for her hand, but she didn't allow him to grab it. "Yes, please. It'll only be a few minutes. Jarek stayed put, not liking that he couldn't go to make sure she was safe.

After about 20 minutes, the girls came back, Jarek couldn't smell any alarm or fear on Kora, so he didn't bother to look relieved. "Thank you for your services Mrs. Rayne, you'll see the money in the next hour. Come, let's go back home Jarek. He happily followed and waited to ask his questions in the car.

Kora's POV

She hated that she had to buy the guns. All in all, it was for a good reason. "So you wanna tell me what the fuck just happened?" Jarek questioned, the poor thing was uneasy.

"Guns. I bought some guns. Look I don't wanna talk about it. No, I don't have them on me. The guns are for them to do with as they please." She stated quickly. Jarek had so many more questions but wasn't gonna keep pressing. They drove back home in silence, there wasn't much else to talk about.

She parked the car and went into the house, leaving Jarek to lock the car. Kora could hear his footsteps stop at her door, but he never opened it. She heard him retreat to his bedroom a few doors down, and she huffed letting herself fall back onto the bed. She would have to back to the store around 6:30 to lock up and register, the clock read 3:15. She wasn't sure what to do with her time now, maybe she should go pour herself a drink. Yeah, a whiskey over ice sounds good.

Kora headed to the kitchen, grabbed her whiskey cup, put ice and whiskey in it, and went to the backyard. She sat on the plush seat of the hanging egg chair and enjoyed the sound of birds and cars.

"Hey, princess. What you doing?" Jarek comes out, he changed into a pair of grey sweatpants and a tight black shirt (Yupp I'm doing this for us) Kora could easily see the outlines of his boxers and oh Jesus, he was definitely a shower and not a grower. She felt her cheeks heat up realizing that he knew she was staring and liking what she saw.

"I see the clothes you bought are comfortable." she looks away, hoping that her pink-dusted cheeks show her buz more than being turned on. "Yeah, I haven't had new clothes that I didn't have to steal in years." Jareks sighs and sits on the patio couch across from her.

"Well I hope you know you're safe here, you don't need to run Jarek."

Jarek's POV

He was shocked at her words, it made him mildly uncomfortable. "Tsk, whatever you say human." he responded hiding the vulnerability. He knew she was telling the truth, but he couldn't, didn't want to depend on anyone again. He wasn't gonna let that happen. He seen her sigh, "I gotta go to the bakery and close up, I should be back by 7:30 at the latest, if I take any longer, come check on me. Also here's my number." Kora showed her phone, and on the screen was her name and number. He typed it in quick and let her get back to work, he'd rather go with her, but he decided looking through the house was better. As soon as her car left the driveway he went straight to her bedroom. As creepy as it was, he wanted something of hers that smelled like she did the night before. Sweet and desperate. What the fuck is he doing, he dropped her old underwear. Why can't he just simply say he needed her. He enjoyed the scent while it lasted.

[itsclydebitches]

one of the previous anons here (again)! :0

not to be an "UM ACTUALLY" kinda person, but I think the tinfoil anon was referring to the scene in the training room (where crosshair got stunned by hunter) insteada the scene at sea (rescuing omega and azi).

I'm.... *also* really curious about what he was thinking there, honestly? Like, all that setup to ask his brothers to join the empire with him -- but what did he expect them to say? And it even seemed like he was about to draw his rifle on Hunter, before Hunter stunned him, but the others also had their guns pointed at him? He couldn't have possibly thought he was going to walk away from that in one piece lmao, regardless of whether he outdrew Hunter or not

Anyway, yeah, apologies for cluttering your inbox with the digital equivalent of snail mail these past 48ish hours XD.... I just think these meta posts are neato

OH SHIT if that's the case so sorry other anon, that's my bad 😅

And omg, literally don't worry my inbox is already beyond saving. I've got hundreds of asks spanning back years at this point, stuff I just straight up don't have time to answer and, sadly, probably never will. Cluttered doesn't begin to cover it. If my ask box could embody physical space, it would probably smell like TBB's barracks lol

But YEAH okay, let's talk the stunning scene instead because I love being sad on a Sunday night. What's important for me is that building up to this it's Hunter who is gunning for Crosshair (pun not intended lol). Crosshair has already shown that he's not planning to hurt them by murdering his other team and he's only just started to think over Hunter's "We never were" — in response to his "don't become my enemy" accusation — when all the droids pop up. Yet instead of focusing on them, Hunter immediately jumps on Crosshair. I mean yeah, we as the audience (to a certain, complicated extent) understand why they're so wary of him, but also think about how bad that looks from Crosshair's perspective. You've just proven you're not out to hurt your team, Hunter claims you were never enemies... but the second a fight starts he attacks you. Like you're the enemy. So does Hunter believe what he's saying? So many of the problems here come down to claims vs. action. TBB is really good at saying things to Crosshair, but aren't very good at backing them up with action. Like claiming they wouldn't leave him behind vs. actually not coming back for him during this whole stretch, here we've got "We're not your enemy" vs. Hunter choosing to attack him instead of the droids.

So they tussle a bit and it's only when the droids become overwhelming that Hunter is forced to turn his attention towards them instead. When he does, we see Crosshair thinking for a moment and then we get a preview of that "Oh no, Crosshair is going to shoot Hunter!" scare out on the water: he lifts his rifle, aims in a way that appears to be at Hunter's back, but then shoots over his shoulder to hit the droids instead. We even get two reaction shots to this, Hunter's brief look of surprise and a more overt "Omg, Crosshair is helping" reaction from Tech and Wrecker.

When Wrecker pulls his helmet back down it's with a sense of new determination. The whole squad is back in action! This is (again) proof that Crosshair is not out to be their enemy. He just fought alongside them, protecting them rather than taking advantage of the situation to take them out.

... except that as soon as the battle is finished Hunter immediately has his weapon on Crosshair.

And everyone else follows his lead.

Crosshair had complete trust in them. He had his back turned right before this moment, head in his hand, not at all worried about what his allies were doing. Why would he? They're meant to be allies and the threat (the droids) is gone. Except then he turns around to find that Hunter has his weapon on him after Crosshair just killed for him, after Hunter attacked first, after Crosshair didn't attack when given the chance, and you can see him looking down at his weapon with this sense of resignation.

What was he thinking in this moment? Probably that fighting is inevitable. I don't think Crosshair believes he can make it out of this without being stunned (or shot. I mean, does he know their blasters are set to stun?), but rather that he's just going along with what the others insist is going to happen. Every time he does something to say "We're not enemies" they do something back that says, "We are."

Crosshair doesn't want to fight his team, but Omega releases droids to help them battle him.

Crosshair wants to fight the droids, but Hunter attacks him instead.

Crosshair does fight the droids when given the chance and thinks that's it, he's proven his trustworthiness, but Hunter has him at gunpoint the second it's over, as do the others.

Every time he tries to do something to show he's not their enemy — "Don't make me your enemy" he says. That's what he's trying not to be — they turn around and frame him as the enemy anyway, whether it's attacking him instead of a droid, Tech telling Wrecker he's beyond talking to, or all of them assuming he's out to shoot Hunter instead of save Omega. This is an ongoing trend that just snowballs the longer things go on. Have you watched Grisha? You know the Darkling's line, "Fine, make me your villain"? To my mind it's sorta like that only with Crosshair having better grounds to make that claim than the Darkling did lol. Raising his gun isn't about thinking he can win this fight. It's also not about wanting to fight — he's made it very clear that he doesn't want that at all. It's much more of a resigned, "Fine, if this is the road you insist on going down, I'll oblige you."

"This is who I am," Crosshair says and Hunter has made it clear, several times over, that "this" is TBB's enemy. Crosshair didn't want that, but it's what they're insisting on, so an enemy is going to defend themselves by shooting back. Which is when he's knocked out, wakes up drowning, is saved by Omega, learns the Empire tried to kill him, and is back to his half angry/half desperate, "Can you please not think of me as the enemy for two seconds and hear what I have to offer?"

As for what he thought his brothers would say in regards to joining the Empire, that offer he has... I think he thought they'd say yes. Whether that belief is born of his own, twisted reasoning, or if there is still something going on with the chip, Crosshair prioritizes their safety and their purpose over the ethics of working for the Empire. When Hunter goes, "We're loyal to each other, not some Empire" that's something Crosshair agrees with. When not forced to try and kill them via the chip, he is loyal to the squad, absolutely, even over what the Empire wants. That's why he kills the Empire's soldiers and disobeys orders to get rid of TBB, instead trying to orchestrate their move into the organization instead. That's not what the Empire wants, it's what Crosshair wants.

So they're both loyal to the team over who they work for, the only problem is a) Crosshair is struggling to believe that they ever considered him a true part of the team — "You weren't loyal to me" — and b) Hunter's loyalty, unlike Crosshair's, actually has a limit. For him, he's not willing to kill civilians to give his brothers a sense of purpose in the world. He's not willing to follow an evil Empire to ensure that they have food and aren't always on the run. For Hunter, his desire to keep the rest of the team safe and happy does not outweigh basic morality (which is a good thing!) They'll figure out a way to survive while also doing the morally correct thing. Crosshair, however, places nothing above his teammates. He'll betray the Empire's orders for them. He'll kill his new team for them. He'll murder whatever innocents it takes to give them a safe, fulfilling life in this new galaxy. The Empire wants him to kill other people's kids? What does he care if the tradeoff is getting a good home for Omega? Something, something, Jedi fear attachments. All of which makes this whole mess all the more tragic. He will do anything — literally, ethically anything — for his squad... and they didn't even come back for him. He'll do anything for them, but they're insisting on being enemies instead. The underlying problem is that Crosshair's way of expressing devotion and care — let me help you join the Empire that's definitely going to take over the galaxy so that you'll be under their all-powerful protection and can live save, happy lives — is something that TBB finds to be repugnant (with, you know, excellent reason). So Crosshair is just standing there, continually offering his heart to them, not understanding why these ethical questions are more important than the only thing he cares about: them. And, again, we don't currently know how much of that warped thinking stems from Crosshair himself, or something that was/is still up with the chip.

Plus, toss in everything else we've discussed about Crosshair's abandonment. He doesn't understand why they care about the Empire's crimes over the protection of their family and he's continually hurt by the knowledge that they won't go as far for him as he's willing to go for them, not realizing that going that far is morally reprehensible. If TBB had tried to rescue him and had approached him as a brother in need of rescue, rather than an enemy, he might be more receptive to their arguments about what's best for the team. Simply because he would have felt like he was still a part of that team. Right now, everything Hunter argues about the evils of the Empire, while 100% true, are filtered through this knowledge that Crosshair isn't a "real" brother anymore. Chip or not, he believes what he's saying and has no reason to think that he's wrong, just that others aren't listening to him. From Crosshair's POV, they wrote him off the second this all started and haven't made a single move to fix things. That's the easiest way to entrench the idea that his way of doing things is right, the only problem here are his brothers who refuse to see it, insisting on opposing him instead, just as they had from the get-go when they left and never came back. To Crosshair, he's reaching out despite (again, from his perspective) the others not deserving it, yet that extended hand is continually slapped away. Nothing in the situation is helping him realize that what he's offering is what's wrong because it's all framed to look like he himself is the problem (see: Tech's little speech to Wrecker). But that's also why Omega's reminder that he's still their brother is so important. He gets a reminder, but Crosshair needs to see that again too. He needs a reason to turn away from the Empire because, whether it's due to the chip or not, the simple argument "This is wrong" isn't doing it for him. I honestly think he'd have left with them if he felt like he could rejoin the squad because, as established, his squad means everything to him. That's the top priority. But so much happened to make Crosshair believe that his brothers don't want him, that they'll only accept him as an enemy, that any offers to join them are made only out of obligation... that all he has left is the Empire. He needs to believe that they accept him as his brother so he can toss the Empire to the curb for what he wanted this whole time: to go home.

tl;dr IT'S SUCH A HORRIBLE MESS lol and this is why I oh so hope season two tackles all this with something resembling respect and nuance. This is one hell of a tangled problem, with lots of justified and inaccurate anger on both sides, so to try and simplify it all into a, "Crosshair is just a bad guy who thinks bad things ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" would be... less than satisfying imo.

[forpeopleidontknow]

falling into you - h.o.

chapter four - lonely heart

mob!haz au

warnings - swearing, bruising, yelling, angst

author note - I hope you guys like this chapter! I made this one have some angst because why not. Also I made a playlist for the series so if you like to listen while reading, click here!

chapter three ✕ masterlist ✕ chapter five

“HARRISON!?”

He heard y/n call his name, it was panicked and shaky. All thoughts rushed out of his head. He dropped the ice cream he was holding and turned to run back to the tree, but then he saw you. You were sprinting, you ran straight into his arms.

“There was a man a-and he ha-d a gu-n and I thought I wa-as going to d-ie.” you start sobbing. Harrison engulfs you in his chest, trying to shelter you from everything else that was happening. Softly cooing at you in hopes that it would calm you down. He pulls out his phone.

“Were you there?” His voice was angry but kept it at a low volume.

“Yeah boss, I got her out. She ran away before I got her to the car.”

“Alright, I’ll walk her over there now. Thanks, Scott” After the events that just occurred, you weren’t focused on his conversation. You just wanted to go home.

“Hey princess, we are going to walk over to that car over there, okay?” You nodded your head, unable to form a sentence. Harrison kisses the top of your head, unwrapping his arms around you. He puts his hand on your lower back, guiding you to the car. He helps you in and shuts the door. You start tapping on the window, he opens the door again.

“Don’t leave, please stay with me.” Your tear-stained face broke his heart. He crouched down

“I wouldn't think about it. Just give me a minute with Scott.” He smiled, bringing his hand to your cheek, wiping a tear with his thumb. He gets up and closes the door again. You couldn’t hear them but you weren’t focused on trying to hear. You were just trying to make yourself as small as possible, bringing your knees to your chest and burying your head. Hearing the door open, you lifted your head. Harrison slides into the car next to you.

“Hey love, so we are going to go back to mine, you will be safer there then at your apartment but if you need anything from yours, we can send someone. Sound good?” You nodded your head and brought your body closer to Harrison. Laying your head on his chest, your legs still close to your body. His arm was around your waist. He was using his thumb on his other hand to rub shapes onto your leg and that’s how you two rode back to Harrison’s. I wasn’t a long drive, 30 minutes at most but you manage to fall asleep. Not wanting to wake you, Harrison picks you up and brings you into the house. Carrying you up the stairs into the room you stayed in last night. Laying the fuzzy blanket that was at the end of the bed on top of you.

You wake up many hours later, greeted by the darkness of night. The day had come and gone and you were confused about where you were. You start to recall the events that took place earlier this morning, not sure if it was a dream or not. You got out of bed and noticed the closet door was open. You walked inside and hanging up was a white jumper with a note on it.

“This one should match x- H ”

You take the jumper off the coat hanger slipping it over your body. You walk out of your room and wander down the hallway. You make your way toward double doors, you knock. No answer. So you knock again. No answer. You decided to just open the door. The first thing you see is the balcony doors, the moon casting light through them. You turned to the right, going through the archway, taking a look at his bed. It was huge, way bigger than what one person needed which led you to the thought, it must get lonely. Having this huge house to yourself, not being able to share this bed with someone. You decided to go look for Harrison, suddenly overwhelmed with feelings towards him so you head out the doors, closing then gently.

You walk downstairs and into the grand foyer. You looked around, still surprised nobody had seen you yet. Walking into the den you start to hear noises. They were muffled voices so you followed them, walking down a hallway until you were greeted by another set of double doors. Harrison didn’t expect his meeting to run so late, he wanted to be there when you woke up but that isn’t what happened. You pressed your ear against the door trying to listen in but only catching a couple of words.

“enemy ” “target” “y/n”

Why were they talking about you? You were so deep into your thoughts that when you backed away you tripped over your feet. Falling to the floor you caught the attention of the people inside of the room.

“What was that?” You heard Harrison’s voice then footsteps. The door opened shortly after. “Y/n? Are you okay?” Harrison’s eyes widened, face written with concern.

“I just stumbled, that's all” He helps you up from the floor so now you are standing in front of him. “My ribcage kinda hurts though.” You rub your side trying to subside that pain but only making it worse.

“What about your face?”

“What about my face?” Throwing him a confused look, he led you into the room. It reminded you of the library from beauty and the beast, just not as big. Not that the room was small but in comparison, it was less impressive. He brought you to a mirror that hung in the corner. It wasn’t until you saw your face that you realized what they meant. Splotches of blue, red, and purple vandalized the right side face. You brought your hand to your cheek, lightly tracing over the bruise, wincing at the pain it caused. Harrison was dumbfounded, he was no longer the collected and confident man that he portrayed in front of his men. Seeing the tears welling up in your eyes hit him harder any punch had. You caught his eyes in the mirror, you weren’t mad at him but you no longer felt the feeling you had beforehand. You walked out of the office fairly quickly, not bothering to check if Harrison was behind you, but even if you did check he wouldn’t have been there. He was standing in the office, the same spot he was when you looked in the mirror, frozen. Maybe it was fear, or shock, or hatred for himself for letting something like this happen to you.

“What do we do now boss?” Tuwaine

“We kill that son of a bitch.” Harrison whispers teeth clamped together. He was mad, no he was livid. At himself. At his men, at his staff, at the guy who did this to you and of course, fucking Ray.

Ray was the leader of a rival mob. They have been at war for many years now and since Harrison distanced himself from his family had nothing to use against him, until you showed up. It had slipped his mind completely, Ray would stop at nothing to be the most powerful Mobster in London. Fuck, he would even kill an innocent girl. Harrison snaps out of his thoughts

“Alright Tom, you lead the integration. Don’t kill him, just make him wish you would. Tuwaine you join him.” The gun shot from earlier wasn’t a real gun but it did knock him out long enough for the man to get stuffed in the back of a car and put in a warehouse. “Sam, Harry, and Jacob find out where Roy is and until further notice someone will be by y/n’s side at all times.” It crossed Harrison’s mind at the park before the events occurred to get you a bodyguard, now it was necessary. He would look in the morning, but right now being with you was the priority. He walked upstairs to your room. The door slightly cracked open. He opened the door a bit more to look inside. The lights were out, the only things emitting light was the moon and the bathroom. He walks towards the bathroom, catching you in deep thought. The sweater was off and your dress was lifted past your rib cage, you looked at it in languish. More bruises laid on top of your skin. Your forearm and rib cage painted with the same blue and purple color scheme. Tears slipping from your eyes.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” You were taken aback. So absorbed into your thought that you hadn’t noticed Harrison in the doorway of the bathroom. You pull down your dress and flatten it out with your hands. You look back up at him.

“What is going on?” Your voice had an underlying tone of anger and it didn’t slip past Harrison.

“I wish I could tell you bu-“ you cut him off. Ever since you got here you had been in the dark and you weren’t going to take it anymore

“But what Harrison, huh? You can’t tell me because of what? Will it put me in danger? I’ll be scared? Well it’s too late for both of those now isn’t it? Now fucking tell me!” You were mad, not angry enough to start screaming but your voice was raised.

“Y/n, I wish I could-“

“Cut the bullshit Harrison, you aren’t protecting me…. Just tell me what’s going on?” Your voice lowering the last part of the sentence. He walked away from you and sat at the bed. This was it, the moment Harrison was coming clean. He lowered his.

“I live a life that you might not agree with and I didn’t want to tell you because…” he took a deep breath in “Well I wanted to keep you safe but I was also.. scared of losing you.” He looked up at you. Looking for some kind of reassurance but your face was blank. You were angry and confused, you wanted to tell him that he couldn’t lose you but at this point, you didn’t know what to expect.

“Y/n... I’m the boss of the largest mob in London.”

The words didn’t seem true. They couldn’t be true. He couldn't be a cold heart person, could he? You recalled the interaction with the bartender, the fear he instilled into him. The doubt you had slowly washed away, getting replaced with fear and anger.

“Y/n, say something... please.”

“I’m leaving.” you grabbed the sweater and started to walk toward the door but Harrison jumped in front of you, blocking the way.

“You can’t leave, there are people after you. You would be in too much danger.”

“SO NOW YOU CARE IF I’M IN DANGER?!?!” You were fuming.

“I COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS IF YOU HAD JUST TOLD ME TO BEGIN WITH!” Harrison didn’t know what to do. Nobody had really yelled at him before, especially not someone like you.

“Either let me leave or get out.” He just stood there.

“GET OUT!” You threw the sweater at him and walked back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind you. Harrison stood in that spot for what felt like hours but it was only minutes. He finally turned to walk out the door. He muttered two words before shutting the door.

“I’m sorry.”

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

I’m starting a blurb series called “brothers” which is a holland!sister au! The first blurb will be released on Monday!

[sunnykeysmash]

S14's theme of Trust: How Global Warming reaffirms the Macden meta we already know

Or, a half reworked set of discussions from my Twitter about the underlying themes of FAITH/TRUST and CHANGE present in this season. Particularly between macden because I don't give a damn for the rest. Sidenote: my twitter thread about trust that takes up half of this post was actually written BEFORE GW came out, and despite that it got reinforced thanks to GW meta.

I apologize in advance if the reading isn't as fluid as it could be, it's hard to order the threads in a single cohesive explanation but I still tried my best. Plus, english isn't my first language.

This post contains speculation that links to my previous meta posts, tagged under "iasip meta". That's where I discuss the theme of change more in detail, not here. They're a little outdated in terms of episode prediction but the meta analysis in them holds up and was reinforced in GW.

The bible = Trust/Faith

So, how does faith/trust get in the way of their relationship? Who has it, who doesn't?

Let's address it. This might be long but bear with me I guess. First we need to address what broke their trust.

North Dakota

(aka the element that broke the link of trust between macden for good, from which they are still trying to recover; and how we got there; their shift in dynamic because of it and how it's a vicious cycle that feeds itself until a breaking point, with no possibility for rational discussion. "How Mac will reject Dennis as a final test to restore their trust")

Part 1: how it affected Dennis

It is my understanding that dennis has been left profoundly scarred by how his decision to leave to north dakota went and he has been blaming the gang for failing to stop him from leaving, and especially blaming Mac. Which lead to the events in Chokes.

Where he felt frustrated at Mac for doing everything Dennis says and never going against him. He's constantly pushing him and being abrasive because he wishes for him to snap and act on his own volition.

Because aside from feeling like he can't trust anyone, and like no one in the gang cares for him, he most of all feels like he can't trust himself. He has been scarred by the consequences of his own actions, and doesn't know what else he might do that could have a similar effect.

Of course a person who can't really trust himself would feel paralyzed, they would not act or do anything. Which is why we are moving away from that, slowly. We need to have this progression in order for Dennis to Realize anything at all.

So Chokes as an episode is sort of a milestone, it runs really deep in multiple overarching events and developments. It's not just fixing macden's dynamic, it's beginning to fix a core problem that stops dennis from reaching macden and that has been prominent at least ever since Tends Bar.

It's something that has been going on in the background for a while, that is touched upon sometimes. Dennis desperately wants the gang to care about him.

So when he is surprised by the RPG on the day that for him is most emblematic of the gang not caring, I think it hit deeper than what we're assuming. His feelings were challenged.

DDL is a result of many things. On the surface it's him wanting to be a dad for his child the way Frank never could for him. I think it was also a test though. If they truly cared, they would stop him. They wouldn't want him to go away.

Now. They don't. That stings. Then things possibly go south in North Dakota. That also stings. It's easy to mentally connect the two and realize the hurt he's experiencing. "If they had stopped me, none of this would've happened" I assume is the correlation he made mentally.

So then he probably thought about Mac, and the gesture he made. He thought that meant something, but then him, like the rest of the gang, did nothing. So he's even more angry at him. "For a moment I really thought he cared, why wouldn't he do something?" Betrayal.

So that to me explains why he's been acting like shit towards Mac. And he's been slowly trying to work through his feelings on the matter, as S13 sorta showed initially, with him not wanting to address it at all for a while, and when he tried again no one cared. He's been trying.

I wonder if it's a possibility that, as we reach the resolution to this circumstance, he will try to bring it up again. I wouldn't count on it necessarily, but character wise it would simply make sense. If he's getting over the problem, he's leaving ND behind. He should, I mean.

Part 2: how it affected Mac

But this isn't just a circumstance that hinders Dennis, it has deeply afflicted Mac too, in a way that is just as personal. "No matter what I do for a person, they can still choose to leave me", it is no wonder to see that side of him exacerbated, then.

Before ND, Mac trusted Dennis' words, enough to let him leave if he said he wanted to, even if it hurt. Before ND, Dennis trusted that Mac would always "be there to catch him if he faltered", that he cared, especially after the RPG moment.

These were true. They could always count on each other, trust each other. ND changed everything, and altered their dynamic in a way that we are still feeling, and still trying to remedy. That Mac and Den especially are still desperately trying to remedy.

They /want/ to go back to their codependent dynamic, they /need/ to. But the way they are desperately trying to is only making things worse and worse, and it's a terrible cycle.

[ The more Dennis rejects Mac in hope that Mac will finally go against him, the more Mac is desperately trying to appease Dennis so that he won't leave him, the more Dennis is annoyed and dissatisfied of Mac's submissive behavior and becomes more abrasive in return. ]

Which is why I think discussing that event is a necessity in order for macden to even happen at all. They theoretically need a face to face conversation to resolve these core insecurities that are getting in the way of their friendship (and possibly more).

It doesn't have to be a romantic thing either, it is just necessary for this conflict to be addressed in order for their dynamic to go back to normal. But that can't happen without a breaking point. We know them enough to assume that they're not gonna just discuss it rationally. It would be the correct way to handle the situation, but they're not like that.

Whether everything resolves positively (as in, their dynamic finally shifting back to before ND) depends on how much they want to stay together and what they are willing to sacrifice or compromise for it. Whether certain grievances can be stronger than their bond itself (and I'm pretty sure they can't, or mac and den would've parted already, long ago).

Mac's internal conflict is likely what will make it so that we have to wait a year. If it just isn't resolved, then he would want proof that Dennis isn't /just saying/ stuff. Den might assure him that he isn't but is that enough for Mac?

How do you resolve a conflict that is basically just a huge almost debilitating fear of abandonment and mistrust of the other person's words? In what way can you possibly prove it wrong?

We know Mac loves Dennis, of course he does. But does he trust Dennis? The way he has been behaving towards him tells me otherwise. He doesn't stand up to him.

Not only that but, more specifically, he's always "interpreting" everything Dennis says, you can see it in Texts for example. He knows den never means what he says, and always has an ulterior motive or hidden meaning. He doesn't take den's rejections at heart too much because he knows they're fake.

So now imagine Dennis has a change of heart. Now he goes to Mac, and he tells him Exactly How He Truly Feels. Knowing the way Mac is used to interpreting Dennis, I don't think he'd believe him. He'd want to, but he probably couldn't.

And I don't think Mac even realizes this lack of trust at all. I think it's gonna hit him exactly as it's happening. He might feel happy at first, then be confused at his sense of uneasiness like he's been used and lied to, like Dennis is saying it to manipulate him.

But that's just for words. Physically speaking, I think Mac is very much aware that Dennis has no intention of ever leaving again, nor can he really. That's how it seemed to be in tggr at least.

The abandonment Mac is afraid of is purely emotional at this point with Dennis. It doesn't need to be a "what if he moves out". More of a "what if he doesn't like me anymore and is using me".

So anyway, about the cycle I mentioned earlier.

This feels like a build up. They can't go on like this forever, they will reach a breaking point. I don't expect them to have an honest and open and calm confrontation and solve their differences before a huge snap of both of them happens, I expect the snap.

You know, either Dennis gets too abrasive and Mac finally "snaps out of him", or Mac gets too submissive and Dennis grows tired of him.

However thanks to Chokes and now Global Warming, we can safely predict it'll be the first one. Chokes set us on a path of Mac making his own decisions, which thanks to GW we know will backfire.

They'll fight, Dennis will be overwhelmed by it as Mac ""leaves"", more on that later, first let me finish my discussion on trust.

I find it suspicious how all the episodes with a semblance of resolution that we have had so far only seemed to fix Dennis' conflicts with Macden. We have failed to address Mac's lack of trust in Dennis' words, even in Texts I think. Especially in Texts.

In Texts it wasn't communication that solved the problem, it was an act, a stare. And we only ever heard Dennis' side of it. Mac at this point already believes that Dennis likes him, so there was nothing new for him to discover at the end.

If anything, it reinforced his belief that Dennis says the opposite of what he thinks, that he isn't honest. Because despite how he's been acting all day, he still saw affection in his eyes, I assume.

But Mac has already always paid attention to what Dennis "really meant", I mean, he does it throughout Texts, thought in the wrong way because it was still through text (miscommunication) and he didn't like to consider the alternative.

I put "really meant" in quotations because Dennis doesn't really work like that. Sure a lot of times Dennis doesn't say what he really means so of course Mac would start interpreting him like that, but there are still many times when he's actually honest. This is just Mac's black and white way of seeing den.

Anyway.

As a result of not feeling heard, Dennis actually developed a heavier and more frequent use of sarcasm. Because if people won't do what he says, then maybe if he says the opposite they'll listen to him. It's a reflex born out of frustration.

Back to the "trust" thing now, because see, all this time Dennis has been acting under the underlying assumption that Mac will choose Him every time. Mac doesn't have this assumption, he has been acting to Prevent Dennis from NOT choosing him.

It's gonna be really interesting, if this turns out to be correct, to see the tables be turned and find out that Dennis was the one with faith. We are used to see Mac believe have it, in god and in their relationship, but ultimately it's Dennis that is trusting Mac to make the right decisions. Which includes choosing Dennis every time.

That's a bigass trust to have for someone who says they have no faith. In contrast to that, what faith has Mac put in Dennis? None that I can think of, he actively does stuff that will please dennis, so far.

"leaving"/"rejecting" Dennis in the finale would constitute, again, Mac's faith in Dennis. He would be choosing something that goes right against everything Dennis wants, having faith that this won't mean they grow apart, and maybe even trusting that it's what Dennis actually needs. And it's what Mac would need as well, as proof that Dennis is serious. Because if he doesn't change his mind, then he is. And you can finally see how the whole season has been constructed as a way to move away from the ND conflict in order to fix their dynamic and broken trust in order to make macdennis work.

This calls back to my meta reading for the first half of the season. Again. This is old stuff. But still accurate.

Some snippets.

I now have a more detailed speculation on how Jumper will go which is no longer the one I had in that meta post, but I will spare you the useless talk and get back to my point. Maybe save that for another post. All I need to say here is that Dennis will be adamant that the answer is SHOULD WE: NO, Mac will want to prove him wrong but Dennis will be proven right, subsequently starting the path for Mac's change of outlook. And what will make him say "no"(t yet) even once Dennis believes they should. Boom, karma.

ANYWAY.

Dennis knows he can depend on Mac or at least he's learning so, Mac isn't sure if he can do the same.

As the two bicker over who had trust in who, and who broke the other's trust, it'll come to the surface, through text, that the roles have shifted. Dennis was trusting Mac all along, Mac wasn't.

Which is why Mac deciding for himself, deciding something that goes against Dennis, saying "no", is the biggest leap of faith Mac can take, the thing that would show us that yes, finally, Mac believes Dennis will still choose him.

TGGR's final part of macden's plot itself shows us Mac accepting Dennis' cynical point of view and losing faith. "I guess we're not gonna get that romantic comedy ending after all". But that is not the note the episode ends with.

Right as Mac accepts that it's not happening, we see Charlie and Frank's ending part of their plot. They're reaching back, they have a new realization. Nikki says that they feel the same way, but they still say no for the time being.

How does this all link to Global Warming, finally?

The Global Warming meta

The jump, the realization, the acceptance, in all the meta I have analyzed in the episodes, it all comes AFTER the explosion, the rejection. First things explode and Mac "leaves", THEN Dennis is overwhelmed and changes his mind, reevaluates. Think of the Nikki&Alexi and Charlie&Frank plot as a frame of reference for this. Think of Chokes also, first Mac says "No", then Dennis is satisfied.

NOW, Global Warming macdennis meta, at its most basic, goes as follows:

Dennis thought what he liked was the sexy girls dancing, then they revolted against him and literally overpowered him, and in the aftermath he has a new outlook on the japanese guys that he once disliked. At the same time as this happens, Mac isn't there to help him.

At the same time, we always see Dennis trying to rationalize his way out of conflicts, and it never working, not with Mac, not with the people in the bar.

Basically, we reach a breaking point in the conflict, and Dennis is overwhelmed by it, Mac doesn't help him in GW, he "leaves", I imagine this symbolizing that Mac finally agreeing with Dennis in the actual final conflict would feel to Den like Mac is "giving up on them". Dennis took Mac choosing him for granted, and he now learns how much trust he had in Mac despite saying otherwise (Chokes) and how much it meant to him. Dennis comes out of it changed.

They both do.

This, as I posted about previously, is all part of "God's plan". Dennis gave Mac back his "free will" in Chokes so that Mac's harsh final decisions could ultimately aid their relationship and trust.

We need Mac to turn Dennis down for the time being AND for Dennis to not change his mind during the wait, for the trust to be restored for both of them. To remedy North Dakota once and for all, and move into the macdennis territory. In a year, aka next season.

So finally, we can see how TGGR, Chokes, Texts and now GW all work together as milestones that set us in that direction.

[doodlelolly0910]

Close Encounters of the Spiritual Kind

Summary: Emma Nolan spent a lot of time alone, and that was fine by her. Because one is never truly alone. She should know. She can talk to dead people. What she didn’t expect was one of these spiritual encounters to hang around, taking her down a rabbit hole of missing women, revenge, and, least expected, love. Can she save the day and Killian Jones? Is there even another choice?

Read it from the beginning on AO3 and FFN!

A/N: I can't believe we're already at chapter 19!! Ok, so this chapter. We get super feelsy and some stuff goes down. And some steaminess (finally amirite lol) and revelations. Things are leading to the end! Just a few chapters left! I'm thinking 3-4 more max. So things are really in full throttle here :D many many thanks to my wonderful beta @kmomof4 (whom I may have killed with this chapter lol) and to @courtorderedcake who is the disgustingly talented artist who created the art for this fic that I love so so much. And thank you so much to anyone who still reads this thing, y'all make my day with every comment, reblog, like, so thank you, truly, to anyone reading this still. Y'all are amazing. Ok! New chapter! Let's go!

Chapter 19

Emma was the one to take Killian’s hand when she got out of the car, though she was sure he would have followed her anywhere she went at this point, hauling him straight into the office and pushing him into his chair. He loosed a grunt upon impact, but Emma didn’t pay any attention to him, instead flopping her bag on the desk and beginning to dig through it.

“If you wanted it rough, darling, all you had to do was ask,” he said, adjusting himself and watching her move around.

“Okay, so, don’t freak out, but I want to try something,” she said breathlessly, dragging the other chair around the desk in front of him. “Remember the shirt? The first contact I had with Milah? I have it here.” She thrust the bag towards him and he looked inside. His head popped up when he saw the fabric within the zippered compartment of her satchel.

“Emma…” he said on a heavy exhale. She chewed on her lip and brushed a few strands of hair from her face, not meeting his eyes.

“I know this sounds crazy, but I just… I just want to see… fuck, this is so stupid, maybe I shouldn’t have- you know what, just forget it. It’s too much and I don’t even know-” Her rambling was cut short by the feel of his strong, calloused fingers gripping her hand and squeezing. She turned her gaze up to meet him, and the hope and trust shining in his eyes almost knocked her on the floor.

“Do it. I want to. Please, Emma,” he said, voice quiet but firm. Emma blew out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, her eyes wide, fear running rampant through her gaze, but she held onto his hand like a lifeline. She sat, trying to get her nerves under control, wiping her hands on her jeans to rid them of the fine layer of sweat that they had developed once he released her grip. He reached into the bag and pulled the shirt free, a shaky sigh escaping his lips.

“She loved flowers,” he murmured, rubbing the fabric between his fingers. “She wore a lot of shirts like this, but this one was of her favorites. Never thought I’d see it again,” he admitted and looked up from his hands to meet her gaze again, extending the clothing to her in an offering of faith and trust in her and Emma could do nothing more than wordlessly reach for the garment and grip it tight.

The encounter was gentler than she thought it would be, considering the first encounter with Milah had been so intense, letters swimming through her head and whispers loud enough to drown out everything around her. It wasn’t like that this time. But this time, she could see.

A woman came into focus, dark ringlets bouncing around her face, blue grey eyes alive with amusement and wonder. She wasn’t transparent, or glowing, or any other cliche ghost thing. It was like seeing someone on TV but right in front of her. Like a hologram, without the light.  She knew she wouldn't be able to touch the woman, her hand likely to go right through her, but there she was, all the same. Emma took a deep breath in and got swept up in the fragrant jasmine in the air around her.

“Hey, Emma,” she said with a smile. “It’s so good to talk to you face to face. I didn’t think we would ever get this chance.”

“Milah. I didn’t expect this to be so...uh…”

“Vivid?” she finished for her, walking towards where Emma sat in the chair before Killian. She looked at the man fondly, sweeping her fingers over where his hair was, her fingers slipping right through where the strands lay as if they weren’t there at all. Which, they kinda weren’t. But a shiver went through Killian’s body all the same.

“What’s happening? What’s she saying?” Killian asked, his eyes settling back on Emma’s face.

“Oh, Killian. So impatient, agrà,” Milah chuckled and Emma let out a disbelieving laugh of her own. Killian's brow furrowed and Emma shook her head, stupid smile still in place.

“Ah, she says you're impatient. I can see her, Killian. She's… she's right next to you,” Emma said in a watery voice, wholly overwhelmed by this entire experience already. Killian sat up straighter, eyes darting around the room.

“I don't think you'll be able to see her, Killian,” Emma said, a note of sadness in her tone, and Killian stopped his search, face falling slightly. He nodded and blew out a breath.

“How does she look? Is… is she alright?” he asked anxiously.

“Yeah, she looks good. She can hear you, you know,” Emma urged and Milah gave her a soft smile.

“Milah, God, I…” he began but faltered, looking back to Emma for guidance. “What do I say to her?” Emma was taken aback by his plea for help.

“I don't know, I haven't done this before either! Just talk to her, I guess. Say what's on your mind.”

“Right, right. Okay.” He breathed another deep breath, seemingly calming himself, and Emma mirrored him.

“I miss you,” he said, almost a whisper and a crack formed in Emma's heart that cut deeper than she'd like to admit.

“I miss you too, agrà. More than you could know. Please, please stop this madness with your thirst for revenge. Get out of this world,” Milah said and Emma's throat tightened as she watched the spirit’s hands hover over his hunched form.

Emma cleared her throat before speaking, but the tightness remained. “She, uh, she says she misses you too. More than you know. And she is asking you not to seek revenge anymore. She said she wants you to get out of this world,” Emma relayed and Killian looked positively indignant. She reached out immediately to soothe him, her left hand touching his lightly, the other still clasped tightly around the shirt.

“Agrà,” Milah murmured and Killian froze. His lips parted on a sharp inhale, his features draining of color in an instant.

“Killian?” Emma asked softly, moving to pull away from where she touched him but his hand shot out like lightning, gripping her own tight. Emma looked to their joined hands to Milah, then back to him. As tight as his grip was, she could still feel him shaking. It was like he'd seen a ghost. Or…

“I heard her,” he whispered, nearly inaudible. Emma's mind went completely blank. This had never happened before. “Emma, I heard her. She said…” he broke off on a chuckle that seemed to bubble from his mouth of its own accord. “She said ‘agrà’. I heard her. I heard Milah’s voice. I… I…” he faltered for any sort of word, shaking his head incredulously.

“Milah, say something else,” Emma urged, keeping her eyes on Killian and tightening her own grip around his hand.

“You're meant for so much greater, Killian. You are not defined by your losses. Please don't do this.” Milah was earnest, the pain on her face at being so close to Killian and being unable to touch him was almost tangible. Killian looked similarly frustrated and hurt, but there was an underlying layer of joy and wonder that she'd only seen from him one other time. When he'd kissed her the first time. Emma's heart broke for them both just a little.

“Milah, I can't, he is a monster,” he growled and Emma inhaled sharply at his direct acknowledgement of the spiritual presence. “He took you from me, he took my hand, he took everything and he cannot be allowed to remain unpunished.”

“It's not your place, agrà. Let Emma take care of it. She can keep you safe. She can save you, Killian.” Milah’s murmured words had Killian's eyes snapping back towards Emma's. There was still pain there, so much emotion, but there was a softness now as well. Emma only got a glimpse before his expression sealed up tight. His jaw tightened and he looked away.

He didn't acknowledge anything Milah had said, instead responding with, “I love you, Milah. I'm sorry for everything.” He unfurled his fingers from Emma's, patting them lightly where they rested on her jean covered knee before releasing them altogether and breaking his connection to Milah.

Milah and Emma sighed almost simultaneously. Emma could feel her soft eyes on her now and she turned her own gaze up to meet them.

“I can't stay, Emma. Killian will come around. I hope it's not too late. Can I ask something of you?”

“Yeah, Milah, whatever you need,” Emma replied over the tightness in her own throat.

“Take care of him. More than that, let him take care of you, too. There's something here between you that goes deeper than even you know. It could be something really special, if you let it. Don't be afraid to feel. I'll be around.” Milah smiled softly at Emma and turned her gaze back to Killian. This was a goodbye for her, a hell of a one at that, and Emma felt like she had been sucker punched in the gut. Who knew when or if this would or could ever happen again. She couldn't take her eyes off of Milah even as she faded from sight without another word. She continued to stare at the spot where she had just stood trying in vain to process what the spirit had just told her.

“She's gone, isn't she?” Killian's voice brought her away from her panic stricken fog and she nodded. He nodded in turn, a soft, sad smile quirking his lips. He looked up at her then, unshed tears making his eyes sparkle.

“That was the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. You… you are amazing, love, just incredible,” he said, his voice cracking in and out of a whisper. “Has that ever happened before?”

“No,” Emma answered in a whisper of her own. “None of these things have. I shouldn't have been able to draw you so well, I shouldn't have these extended encounters with your loved ones, I've never seen a spirit during an encounter in person, and no one has ever heard them because we touched. I don’t know why these things keep happening with you. It’s like we’re… like we’re connected somehow, on this deeper level, or something. I don’t know!” She threw her hands in the air before burying her face in them. She felt a gentle hand grasp at her wrist and tug it away from her face after a moment. Killian's blue eyes bored into her, a heat and an intensity that touched her physically, making goosebumps scatter over her flesh. And then he spoke, low, husky, his voice the very thing sin was made from.

“I don’t believe in fairy tales and ghost stories, Swan. I don’t believe in soulmates, or true love, or happy endings, especially not for me. I am a villain in this tale, after all, and villains don’t get happy endings. But I do believe in you. Whatever just happened here was real. And I believe whatever is here between you and I, it’s real, and it’s true, and it’s so deep it scares me. You are something magical, love.”

She couldn't have stopped herself if she tried, though Milah's words made her want to jump in her bug and never come back. Despite that, she leaned forward, watching the caution in Killian's features slowly melt away as he realized her intent. She pressed her lips lightly against his before pulling back and looking into his eyes again, gauging his response. She saw the same heat there, only intensified, looking back at her from the carefully schooled mask he had in place.

So she did it again.

Something inside Killian snapped in that instant and his hand plunged into her hair as he sealed his mouth over hers. The strands pulled on his rings against where her elastic secured her thick locks on the crown of her head so she reached up to undo it with both hands. He took advantage of her raised arms and as soon as her curls tumbled free down her back, he looped his hooked arm around her back, hauling her out of her chair and pressing their torsos tightly together.

Emma moved her legs to frame Killian's thighs, essentially straddling him as he reached down to thumb the notch in her chin and open her lips to his questing and insistent tongue. The first hot lick into her mouth had her groaning and sinking into him further, her own hands snaking up to tangle in his thick, dark locks, pulling him closer and returning his kiss with just as much fervor.

He held her tight to him, a soft, breathless gasp of her name escaping his lips when they pulled apart for air that had her jumping right back in. His hand was everywhere, tracing the edge of her jaw, sifting through her hair, stroking the column of her throat and skimming down her arm before plunging back into her golden mane. He held her like she would disappear if he let go, and she knew in part that was thanks to the encounter. Too many people had just disappeared on him, just as they had her. The thought of him clinging to her like some sort of life preserver should have sent her running for the hills but it just sent her diving deeper into him, clutching at him just as desperately.

Lust and a want so intense it burned her from the inside out flared through her veins. When his hand slipped under the hem of her shirt and touched the bare skin of her back, she whimpered into his mouth, which in turn had him pressing up into her curves. She could feel his own want for her in the solid outline of his erection through their jeans and wetness pooled between her thighs at the thought of him being connected to her in every way. She had to stop herself from grinding down on him like a cat in heat.

Somewhere in the back of her conscious mind, through the thick haze of want that had infiltrated her being, Emma heard the tinny jingling of a generic ringtone echoing out into the room. She ignored it, pressing herself further into Killian’s embrace, sweeping her tongue over his own like it was the last thing she would ever do. She never wanted it to stop. But no sooner did the chirping from the phone stop than did it start up again and Killian was pulling away.

“Emma, love,” he panted, voice husky and deep, still stealing kisses from her lips as she tried to press forward like he couldn’t stop himself. “Fucking hell, your phone, it could be your contact. Much as I’m enjoying this, and believe me, I am.” He flexed his fingers into her hip, pulling her tight against his lap where his arousal was now more than a little prevalent, pulling a moan from Emma, which in turn pulled a shudder from himself. “I don’t fancy a police raid because they couldn’t reach you.”

The phone stopped ringing, then started up again and Emma squeezed her eyes shut on a groan. Clambering off of Killian’s lap, her hair wild where he had been running his hand through it, she snatched her phone from where it lay on the table in the corner and jammed her finger viciously into the answer button.

“Yeah,” she snapped.

“Hey, Nolan. Long time.”

Emma felt something swell up inside her at the sound of the voice on the other end of the line. Several emotions all balled into one, the most prominent of them being joy and relief, and she could barely get her voice above an awestruck whisper.

“Graham.”

[ghoulcouriersix]

Bruce x Fem!Reader

Bruce x Fem!Reader

Word count: 1728

Prompt: “I’m not going anywhere.”

Tagged people: @minipaige160 @brykortreat

Warnings: Spoilers,Violence, if you don't like violent/fluff filled fics this one ain't for you so just ignore it.

Authors notes: Feedback is always welcome good and bad! I won't stand for plain harassment though because how is that going to help me improve? Anyways I hope you enjoy reading it I took a long break from writing and finally decided to get back into it so here's my first fic back from my break ^^

Bruce's wiki page:

The day was nearing its end and the gang still wasn't back yet, the air was getting crisp and bitter, you started to worry even if you didn't show it to the others.

The camp was alive with chit chat, idle arguments or Uncle complaining about how he's practically useless to do any work, the noise fizzed out to you it was just a simple mumble in the background.

"Still nothing?" Karen walked over to you her arms folded.

You snapped out of this trance that a hold of your mind and shook your head as the anxiety built in your stomach, a million scenarios ran through your mind, mostly horrible and gruesome.

Karen gently patted your back knowing not to make some snarky or outrageous remark when you're like this "Don't worry your head about it you know what those boys are like, they'll be back soon i know it"

And with that she was gone and the warmth from her hand evaporated, so you sat there knees tucked to your chest and your eyes stuck on the camps entrance. Horseshoe overlook was in your words, breathtaking it was always sunny and the crystal clear water to match made it perfect, it brought out the best in most of the gang except Micha, Bill and Reverend, Micha kept to his own devices with Bill and Reverend both passed out drunk half the time.

Your mind wondered to the gang and their well being and the deep pit of anxiety reared it's ugly head yet again, you knew they could handle themselves perfectly well but there was a certain cowboy your mind kept skipping over but the excessive pull in your heart brought your brain right back to him.

Bruce was a cold hearted man, he wasn't one for playing games with people, he's killed a lot of people, innocent and not so good hearted, honestly when you first clapped eyes on him you should have ran away then, bolted from that devil in disguise before you but something pulled you back maybe it was that little smile he had when you swayed over to him or how he smelled like home, could be his piercing brown eyes or that gruff southern voice, the way his clothes hugged him in all the right places and how it shapes certain areas perfectly. With Bruce being 43 you were always doubted by the other girls why you'd even like a man like him especially with his age too, you'd laugh off their jokes which had an underlying nasty tone to them, Mary-Beth was different though she would swoon around your relationship and how when she becomes a professional writer how you two would be the first she wrote about.

You remembered how Bruce and Arthur would go and collect overdue debts for Herr Strauss, they'd come back to camp with their knuckles bruised and a tense look in their eyes but a wad of cash in hand. You wanted that experience, to see that side of life and not be babied at camp knitting ripped clothes and baking. You badgered Bruce all day about it all attempts ending in a big no so you moved onto Arthur who caved after a few hours of not dropping the subject.

You had to go see a man called Thomas Downes, he borrowed a lot of money and it couldn't be ignored, Bruce and Arthur decided it was best to get there at sunrise, the atmosphere throughout the ride was thick and awkward, the sound of the horse's hooves slamming against the dry dirt was enough sound for you.

The Downes farmhouse was really nice and well kept, the horses and farm animals looked healthy and ripe, you wished you could live like this and get a name for yourself.

Bruce got down from his horse giving it a small pat and a scratch behind its ear, Arthur's lips were in a tight thin line you could tell he didn't really like doing this but it's business at the end of the day.

"Mister Downes i have come to collect" Bruce shouted his deep southern accent made its appearance, his threatening tone sent shivers down your spine, his Carbine repeater in one hand as he shouted, you could tell his patience was running thin.

Thomas looked up over the mounting plants he had behind a white fence.

"Arthur, (Y/N), over here" he called out.

With a nod to each other you hitched your horses and walked towards Bruce who was already interrogating this man, you scanned Thomas up and down, his skin was pale but his cheeks were flushed bright pink, he had dark red bags under his eyes and he was sweating profusely.

Bruce had the man by the suspenders ragging him back and forth "Where's the damn money you owe herr strauss?" he ordered.

The poor man was a bubbling mess, he clearly wasn't well, you grabbed Bruce's arm.

"Bruce he's not well, look at him" you interjected looking back at Arthur he looked intimidating and it was obviously striking more fear into Thomas, you felt a pang of guilt go through your heart and a churn in your stomach, this wasn't right these people were just trying to get by and fell and hard times now if they don't pay they get two burly angry men smashing at their doors.

"I aint got time for this, i aint gonna ask you again maggot now where's the money" Bruce barked again ignoring your words, tugging Thomas by the suspenders closer to his face, Bruce snarled his teeth gritted.

"I'll get it i promise i just need more time please" Thomas begged, he had a sincere look in his eyes.

You thought Bruce would've backed off but everything happened in a flash, Thomas was on the floor clutching his jaw you quickly stepped back, not used to seeing him in such a nasty way, sure he was moody and off but never downright vile in front of you, it was the start of seeing a man fighting with two sides of himself. Bruce stood over him the still rising sunlight illuminated his features, every wrinkle, the bear claw scar that fitted his face perfectly , that well kept beard, his furrowed eyebrows, his slicked back hair, his tent stash never lacked hair pomade.

Arthur knelt down besides Thomas, groaning as his knees cracked with his movements.

"Now you listen here, we aint playin' around with you, sick or not you owe us money and we are gonna get it whether you're here or not do ya understand me now?" Arthur threatened and Thomas nodded weakly as he turned onto his stomach coughing violently, you could tell his throat was probably sore as hell, his lungs sounded tired and dry as blood painted the grass below.

Bruce stepped off of him and looked down at him with a hint of disgust as Thomas gripped his chest, You could here the farmhouse door swing open and a older looking woman and a young looking boy rushed outside.

"Thomas" a woman shouted in panic rushing over to the dying man, she quickly collapsed to the floor beside the coughing man, comforting him, she looked up at the two strangers the shadow that covered their faces made them looks bigger and more monstrous.

"He's sick you animals, he's not well and you just about signed his death" she ran her fingers through his dirt coated hair you could hear her silent sobs as his eyes looked dilated and soulless.

The young boy looked terrified and the guilt in you grew, is this the life you so wanted? To be wanted in three states and maybe more? To go around beating up dying people and hounding the poor? No you're not that type of woman but there's people at camp that need you. A certain man who no matter what he's done or will do you just can't leave him.

"Sick or not he owes us money, he shoulda' thought about his damn health before borrowing money he can't pay back" Bruce raised his voice.

"You'll get your damn money, now go" she interrupted with a harsher tone.

Bruce threw his hands up walking away rubbing his knuckles, you could tell he was still riled up.

"You got one week ya hear? we'll be back woman" Arthur warned and walked towards the horses leaving the woman and the boy to try and calm their gravely ill family member.

You caught up to Arthur and Bruce who were already saddling up, Bruce had an expression of a bear who'd been stung by a thousand bees, his jaw was clenched tight and Arthur looked troubled and clearly pissed off but you decided to not comment.

That trip left a sour taste in your mouth, you saw what you wanted to see, the harsher world but it came at a price, a price you regret.

You hadn't the slightest clue of the time but it was well past 7 you predicted, the cold was getting to you now, goosebumps grew on your bare skin making any touch from your clothing extremely sensitive, your eyes began to sting with dryness and the looming need of sleep. The camp was going settling down for the night, some of the boys gathered around the campfire drinking as usual.

Your eyes slowly closed the mixture of voices and the crackling of the fire in the background slowly lulled you into peaceful stupor, you could hear footsteps, louder talking but it was muffled like you were slowly falling underwater, you could feel the ground disappear, it felt like you were floating on a cloud until your back hit the rough material below your body sinking into whatever you were laying on.

Your eyes cracked open slowly the land around was fuzzy and out of focus, the lantern on the side table outlined a familiar figure.

"Bruce?" You groaned and reached your arm out your hand gently grabbed his coarse leather jacket.

"Hm?"

"You're real I thought you were still gone" you mumbled with a small smile.

You heard a quiet chuckle which made your heart burst into flames and your cheeks flared up.

"I ain't goin' anywhere darlin'"

And with that you drifted back into sleep knowing your favourite cowboy was back safe with you.

Disclaimer: None of my characters are to be used as pfps, role playing characters or to be claimed by anyone who isn't me of course, if any are seen using my characters for any of these purposes then action will be taken against you. Fanart is always welcome please pm me so I can properly credit you and if you post it please credit my name as the character's owner it solves all confusion, DO NOT use my writing in any way shape or form and claim it as your own I spend a lot of time on my writing so I don't appreciate having it stolen.