#...oh god i just noticed some bullshit logic maybe im the one in the right

[missjessefantastico]

time to play nobody's favorite game! is this person truly annoying or am i just a judgy bitch?

[turtle-steverogers]

Race vs the hot RA

Or the couple times race pined after the hot RA and the time the hot RA pined back

Hi! im back at school after thanksgiving break, so i decided to write some college fluff.  like for real guys.  its j us t fluff

enjoy!

ship: ralbert

warnings: lots of fucking smiling ;)

word count: something like 3k?

editing: nein

-

1.

“This is BULLSHIT.”

Race takes out an earbud and stares, mildly alarmed, at the bathroom door of their suite.  Abruptly, the shower shuts off, despite having been on for all of thirty seconds and a moment later, Spot emerges with a towel wrapped around his waist, shivering hard enough to rival a chihuahua left out in front of a grocery store in the rain.  He looks angry, scowling hard enough to bare his teeth and eyes narrowed in a way that would probably be murderous if he didn’t also look entirely pathetic.  

Race quirks an amused eyebrow, “Everything okay?”

“No,” Spot growls, “there’s no fucking hot water.”

Race frowns, “Like, none?”

“Yes, Race,” Now Race can see the goosebumps that line Spot’s arms and notes with faint concern that his lips look a little blue, “None.  Like, it’s fucking Antarctica in that fucking shower.  I feel like Steve Rogers after he crashed that fucking plane into the Arctic.”

“Shit, that’s not good.”

Spot scoffs, giving him a ‘no shit’ look and crosses to his drawer to pull out a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

“Maybe too many people are using the showers?” Race suggests, “and like, maybe the hot water got all used up.  That happens sometimes at home.”

“Don’t think it works like that,” Spot says, padding back towards the bathroom, “M’pretty sure this place operates more like a hotel, so lack of hot water shouldn’t be an issue.  Can you go let the RA know something’s wrong with the plumbing?”

Race’s stomach drops, face coloring a bit at the thought of talking to Albert, their engineering SLO’s attractive resident’s assistant.  Like Race and Spot, he’s a junior, but this was Race’s first year living in the engineering housing, so he hadn’t seen him around before.  Which was weird considering they should have at least had a freshman seminar together or something of the sort. 

But nope.  On upperclassmen move in day, Race was completely blindsided by the pretty redhead coming around to the dorms, introducing himself with a disarmingly charming smile and an overly peppy, “If you ever need anything, I’m in 311b!”

Which was unfair, really, because naturally, Race had to see Albert fairly often at various floor events and as smooth as he’d like to believe he is, Albert made him basically incoherent.

And Spot knows that.

So, fuck Spot.

“Can’t you go tell him?” Race calls, trying not to sound pathetic but missing that mark by miles.

“No!” Spot shouts back, still sounding irritated, “I got class soon, dude, stop being a pussy and go!”

Race groans, steeling himself for a moment before pushing himself up from his desk and crossing towards the door, stopping at the bathroom to yell a quick, “I hate you!” at Spot before exiting and ambling down the hall towards Albert’s single.  The sign outside Albert’s door says that he’s on duty, so he knocks twice and bounces on his toes while he waits, stomach swooping when he hears a, “Just a sec!” from inside the room.

A second later, Albert opens the door, looking relaxed in a pair of running shorts and long sleeved shirt, feet tucked into a fluffy pair of moccasins.  The outfit is stupid and entirely adorable and Race has to forcably log his brain back online.  By the time he’s gotten a grip on himself, he realizes that Albert was saying something and is now looking at him with a mildly concerned and expectant smile on his face.

“Shit, sorry,” Race stammers, “What?”

The easy smile doesn’t drop, but an almost knowing glint flashes through Albert’s eyes, “I just asked what’s up.  Everything okay?”

“Oh,” Race feels himself blush, “Yeah, no, the hot water’s just fucked in our bathroom.  Thought I should let you know.”

“Ah, fuck,” Even disgruntled, Albert looks easy-going.  It’s unfair really.  For someone majoring in astrophysics, Albert always look entirely too relaxed, “Yeah, Mush came to me earlier about that.  I called in a ‘fix-it’ and they said someone should be coming to look at it around 5 o’clock.  Sorry, though.  I know cold showers are fucking awful.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” Race says, “Spot was the one who got the brunt of it, not me.”

“Bet he was thrilled,” Albert says, “Kid’s a ray of sunshine.”

Albert even manages to make biting sarcasm sound entirely welcome.  Race isn’t convinced he doesn’t have super powers or something.

“Yeah, he was super chill about it,” Race plays along, “Kindly asked me to let you know and everything.”

“Mhm, I’m sure.”

There’s a small lapse of silence and Race starts to feel the nerves in his stomach come back, suddenly overwhelmed again by Albert’s alluring nature.  He’s about to turn and leave when Albert opens his door wider.

“You wanna come in for a bit?” He asks, “Was just making some ramen if you’re interested.”

“Oh,” Race’s heart soars for a second before dropping again, “Fuck, I’d love to, but I can’t,” Albert’s face falls a fraction and Race tries not to read too deep into that, “I have to finish studying for that astro 212 exam.”

Albert lights up again, “Oh! I gotta study for that, too.  We can study together?  If you want, I mean.  Like, you totally don’t have to if you, like, study better alone or something, I just thought it might be fun to-”

“Albert,” Race cuts him off, feeling oddly elated to see Albert flustered for once, “No, that’s perfect.  I’d love to eat ramen and study with you, just give me a minute to go grab my notes.”

“Sweet!” Albert says, smiling again, “I’ll keep my door open, so just come on in whenever!”

Race gives him a thumbs up and tries not to run back to his room.  Once he’s inside, it’s a mad dash to grab his things, cursing as he drops his graphing calculator twice.  He doesn’t even notice Spot on the floor, tying his shoes, until he laughs.

“Got a hot study date?” He quips.

“No,” Race says, “Shut up.  RAs aren’t technically allowed to date residents.”

Spot holds up his hands in the universal sign of surrender, “Rules can be bent.”

Race rolls his eyes, rushing back out of the room.

2.

Race fucking hates calculus.  Well, actually, that’s a lie.  He fucking loves calculus.  Numbers have always made sense to him, theorems and equations melding into one beautiful web of logic that always pulled him into a comfortable rhythm.  But right now, surface integrals were fucking him in the ass.  

Which is why he’s holed up in the library on a Sunday morning, staving off a wicked hangover and trying not to vomit as he stares dejectedly at his textbook, praying that the words on the page will magically make sense.  Sighing probably too dramatically, he pulls his notebook towards himself and copies down another problem, working through it at a snail’s pace before checking the answer in the back of the book…

...And it’s wrong.  Again.  Fuck.

He groans, dropping his head down and thumping it a few times against the table.  It makes his head hurt worse, so he stops, inwardly reviewing all the ways he’s a fucking dumbass who shouldn’t be in college, because college is hard.  

And fuck multivariable calculus.

Just kidding, sorry, Race thinks, I love you, multivar.  

“Doing okay?” 

Race looks up too fast, groaning again at the movement.  Albert’s hovering across the table from him, backpack slung on his back and iced coffee in hand, an amused smirk resting on his face.  He looks entirely too awake for a 10 am on a Sunday, but then again he wasn’t drinking last night.  

“Depends,” Race answers, apparently too hungover to be too affected by Albert’s presence, “Are surface integrals really worth my sweat and tears?”

“For our major, yes,” Albert says, “Mind if I sit?”

Race waves him off, dropping his head back onto the table, “Go ahead.  What’re you doing up so early?”

“Same as you it seems,” Race can hear him taking out his books, “Guess we all got a little behind on calc homework.”

“Guess so,” Race forces himself to sit back up, “I don’t get it.”

“What don’t you get?”

“Any of it,” Race feels his stress start to peak, “I haven’t gotten a single fucking problem right and I’ve been here since fucking 8 and really, I don’t know why I did that to myself, ‘cause I was up ‘til god knows when last night dri-” He cuts off, eyeing Albert warily.  

Albert shakes his head, “It’s okay, call me a bad RA, but as long as you all are being safe with it and there are no complaints, do what you want.”

Race nods, “Well, then, yeah.  So, I was up ‘til god knows when and now I’m hungover, but I gotta spend more time on this fucking class so I don’t fail this unit, because I’ve never failed a unit of math before and I don’t wanna start now, because then I’ll fail everything and fail out of college and-”

“Whoa,” Albert reaches across the table and places a hand on Race’s forearm, “Slow down, dude, breathe,” he waits for Race to take a deep breath, “It’s going to be alright, man.  Everyone’s got a bad unit, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail it all.  Just gotta make a game plan.  I’m decent at this stuff if you want some help? I can’t say I’m as good as a TA or something might be, but I can help you get this assignment done.”

Race takes another deep breath, trying not to focus on Albert’s lingering grip on his arm.  Albert seems to come back to himself though, because he clears his throat, coloring a little as he squeezes Race’s arm and lets go.

“Sorry,” Race says sheepishly, “Didn’t mean to lose it there.”

“Happens to the best of us.”

And there’s Albert again, putting Race at ease with the tone of his voice alone.  Fucking magic, Race swears.

Maybe it’s an RA thing.  They all seem to have that scarily open demeanor.  Race could never.

“You don’t gotta help me, man,” Race says, “I’d feel bad making you-”

“Don’t,” Albert says, smiling.  Jeez, does he ever stop smiling? “You’re not making me do anything, I offered.  Plus, I gotta get this shit done, too.  We’d really just be doing it together.  It’s better practice to go in depth anyway.”

A swell of admiration grips Race and he has to look back down at his notebook to keep from doing something stupid like kiss Albert or something.  

“C’mon,” Albert prompts lightly, scooching so he’s next to Race instead of across from him and knocking their knees together.  Race tries not to lean into the touch, “What’s the first problem? 34?”

They work through the math at a steady pace, and with Albert’s instruction (which lacks a certain condescending air that Spot always gets when he tries to help Race out), Race starts to understand the content better.  He’ll still need to go to office hours, probably, but for the moment, he feels less panicked.  

By the time they’re finished, their bodies are pressed together from shoulder to thigh, both of them hunched over their work only inches apart.  Race tries not to stare, but he can’t help but notice the way Albert bites his lip and narrows his eyes when he’s focused.  Even with his guard down, he’s magnetic- effortlessly charming.  He must feel Race looking, because he glances up from where he’s completing the final problem.  They’re very close- too close, really and Race can see him flick his gaze down to his lips for a second before locking on his eyes.  In his peripheral, Race can see his ears color.  He’s a blusher, Race has come to realize.  It’s kind of precious.

“Thanks,” Race says, unable to stand the growing tension.  

Albert blinks a couple times, eyes clearing, “Yeah, no prob.”

“Like, really, thanks.  I get it more now and I’m infinitely less stressed.”

Albert grins, “I’m really glad.”

It’s quiet for another second, then Race shifts, glancing at his watch and realizing he’s done with homework and it’s not even 1:00 pm yet.

“Shit, what time is it,” Albert asks, leaning in again to look at Race’s watch, “Fuck, I have duty in a half hour, I gotta go.”

Race tries not to feel disappointed at the prospect of Albert leaving, “Yeah, I might try to go back to sleep to be honest.”

Albert laughs, “Good plan, drink water.”

“Will do.”

They pack up in silence and walk out of the library, pausing again when they get back to their hall.  

“Obviously fuck math, but I had fun hanging out with you,” Albert says.

Race feels his heartbeat pick up, “I had fun too.”

There’s another pause, this time a little more loaded, then Albert claps him on the shoulder, “Catch those Zs, bro, I’ll see you around.”

“See you.” Race says, waving as Albert begins to head down the hall.

“Don’t forget to eat!”

“I won’t.”

Albert turns around, fixing him with a playfully serious glare, “Promise me, Higgins.  Can’t have any residents sick if I have something to do with it.”

Race laughs, “I promise.”

“Good,” Albert winks and Race feels himself blush down to his chest.

3.

“Albert?”

The situation feels oddly flipped when Race walks into Panera to find Albert slumped at a table, head in his hands and knee bouncing rapidly under the table.  It’s a Tuesday afternoon and Race figured he’d grab his weekly cup of broccoli cheddar soup before english.

Albert lifts his head from his hands and Race feels his concern grow when he notices the red that rims his eyes.  He’s only ever seen Albert cool and collected, but he supposes even freakishly bubbly people have bad days, too.

“Hey, Race,” Albert tries to smile at him, but it falls short, “What’s up? You okay?”

“I’m good,” Race says, “Just grabbing a bite.  What about you?  Are you okay?”

Albert deflates a little, dropping his eyes down to his laptop, “I’m alright.”

“You sure?” Race ventures.  Fuck it, he thinks and sits down, “You’re looking a little stressed.  Is something up?”

He sincerely hopes he isn’t pushing boundaries here, but Albert looks like he needs a friend right now.  Or maybe a shot of really strong tequila.  Or both.

Albert shrugs, letting out a breath.  It sounds shaky and shallow.  He fixes Race with a self-deprecating smile.

“Shouldn’t this be the other way around?”

“Hey, man, just because you’re an RA doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help or some bullshit.  I’m not gonna make you talk to me or anything, that would be shitty, but I’m here for you and so’s everyone else on the floor.  If something’s bothering you, then it’s valid and you deserve support.”

Albert has such a starkly vulnerable look in his eyes that Race almost has to look away.  The corners of his lips are turned down and his eyes are wide and almost pleading and he looks so goddamn defeated and beautiful at the same time and Race really wants to hug him.

Albert’s jaw shifts and he turns his gaze down towards his hands.  His voice cracks a bit when he says, “I’m technically here on a hockey scholarship, right?” Race nods and Albert continues, “And our team is losing national ranking, ‘cause our new coach fucking sucks, so I might lose aspects of that scholarship and my parents can’t pay for my tuition on their own and-” he stops, shaking his head, “I’m scared, I think.  I don’t wanna have to drop out or something.”

Race takes a moment to mull over a good response and reaches across the table, hoping he’s been reading their interactions correctly as he places a hand over Albert’s.  To his relief (and delight) Albert flips his hand so their fingers are laced together.  

Race squeezes it encouragingly, “I can’t promise you that everything will be alright and I can’t make you false reassurances, but I bet if you talked to the financial aid office, they could help you figure out a plan?  But throughout all of this, I’m going to be here for you, alright?  Anything you need, just let me know.  If that’s a place to talk shit out, I gotchu, but I’m also here if you just need a friend.  I’m here for you, Al.”

Albert’s looking at him again, that same vulnerable look on his face, but something else is there a well.  Something softer underlying the worry lines on his face.

“Next semester I’m not going to be an RA anymore.” He blurts.

Race blinks, “Alright?”

Albert huffs out a laugh, “Sorry, I mean like,” he shakes himself, starting over, “I like you, Race.”

Race’s stomach jolts, “Wait, really?”

“Yeah,” Albert says slowly.  They’re hands are still linked together and Race can feel Albert’s hand sweating.  Or maybe that’s his.  Fuck, they both seem keyed up.

“Fuck, I mean, Albert, I like you too.  Have since the beginning of the semester,” Race knows he’s talking too fast, but the smile on Albert’s face tells him it doesn’t matter.

“Yeah?” And Albert looks so damn appeased that Race laughs.

“Yeah.”

“So, if I’m not an RA next semester, then we could…”

“You tryna ask me out, Dasilva?” Race asks, a teasing lilt to his tone.

“Eventually, yes I am,” Albert says.

On a whim, Race lifts Albert’s hand to his lips, kissing the knuckles.  

“After Winter break, I’m taking you to that thai place in town.”

Albert’s smile takes on a genuinity that Race hasn’t seen before, “I’d like that.”

A month later...

“Feels good to actually be able to, like, do this shit publicly.”

Race leans in, pressing a kiss to Albert’s chin.  They’re in the library, trying to get ahead of their physics homework before it picks up too much.  Technically, they’d gotten together after admitting to liking each other last semester, but they weren’t allowed to have a relationship until Albert was out of his RA position.

“Yeah, that was like some star crossed lovers bullshit,” Albert laughs, “Hiding you in my dorm room and stealing kisses in dark hallways.”

“How romantic,” Race teases.

“I know.”

They kiss for real, both leaning into it.  Race feels Albert grip his arm right above his elbow, rubbing his thumb in circles around his bicep.  In turn, he brushes Albert’s hair behind his ears, tilting his jaw to deepen the kiss.

They pull apart and lean their foreheads together, smiling.

“I’m thinking about becoming an RA next semester,” Race murmurs.

Albert pulls back, looking alarmed until he sees the smirk on Race’s face, “you ass, I actually believed you!”

“Pfft, I wouldn’t do that when we just got this,” Race says, pulling Albert back in and kissing him again, “I like you too much.”

Albert smiles, giddy and exultant, “I like you, too, I think.”

“You think?”

“I know, I think.”

Race swats him, “Be serious and love me.”

They both freeze, the weight of the words they have yet to actually say suddenly hanging in the air.

Albert sobers up, taking Race’s hand, “I do love you.  A lot, actually.”

And really, that’s unfair, because sometimes Race still gets so goddamn enamored by Albert and he can’t really believe he actually likes him back and he can feel his face flushing and oh god, he’s not going to revert back to incoherence is he? Oh god-

“Don’t have an aneurysm,” Albert says, kissing his nose, “I love you.  That’s all.”

When Race smiles, it feels too big for his face, “I love you, too.”

END

-

thanks for reading, chiefs

yell at me to start writing again cuz i really been slacking

hmu to be added to my tag

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[vincent-frankenstein]

“See, I’m not most people, so I can’t do that.” With some Logince maybe???

Title: An Intervention

Summary: The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one in the first place.

Pairing: logince, platonic moxiety

Warnings: none i think! lemme know if u need something tagged

(im so sorry this took so long haha)

"What is happening right now?"

He'd been walking back to his room after a brainstorming session with Roman when a blur of blue had shot down the hallway and practically tackled him into Patton's room — and now he stood faced with a grinning Patton and a glowering Virgil, his exits blocked. He raised an eyebrow at their expressions, a bad feeling lodging in the pit of his stomach.

"An intervention," Virgil said, with the air of someone at his wit's end. "This shit's gone on long enough."

"Language," Patton chided.

"What 'shit?'" Logan asked, crossing his arms.

"Your stupid pining!" Virgil growled. "You're stinking up the whole mindscape, it's disgusting."

"My — my what?" Logan blinked, confused.

"Now, I wouldn't say it's disgusting," Patton said. "I think it's wonderful! But Virge is right, kiddo, you're a bit... obvious."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Logan snapped, making for the door. Virgil stepped in his way, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

"Bullshit," he said. "You've got feelings for Roman."

Time staggered to a stop and Logan staggered back, eyes flying wide and then narrowing just as fast. "Falsehood," he snapped. "I don't have feelings, period."

"Now, Lo, c'mon. Don't lie to yourself." Patton glanced at the door, as if he expected to see a certain snake lurking outside.

"I'm not —" Logan grabbed the outburst before it could escape, choked it away, and cleared his throat. "I enjoy Roman's company from time to time, but I do not like him in that way. He's infuriating!"

"Which is why you like him," Virgil said, a hint of mischief in his eyes. "Dude, come on. You light up whenever he's in the room. Even when you're arguing with him! Any idiot could see it."

"Suppose your completely inaccurate theory is true," Logan said stiffly. "Why hasn't Roman noticed? If 'any idiot could see it,' wouldn't the embodiment of romance be the first to know?"

"Roman's not just an idiot, he's a dumbass. There's a difference." Virgil laughed when Patton whacked his arm, hiding his snickers behind his hand. "What? It's true!"

"It is not!" Patton protested. "Sure, when it comes to personal romance, Roman can be a bit... oblivious..."

"A dumbass," Virgil supplied, with a shit-eating grin, and earned another whack in response.

"No!" Patton cried. "He's good with others' romantic issues, but not with his own. He probably wouldn't notice unless you told him directly."

"Which is what we're here to make you do," Virgil said, nose twitching in disgust. "I cannot take another minute watching you pine. It's gross."

"Then you should be pleased to know that I do not harbor any romantic feelings for Roman," Logan said forcefully. "There is no need for an intervention."

But he was blushing, and, goddamnit, his voice had trembled, an ultimate betrayal. He clasped his hands behind his back and held tightly, eyes narrowing, face burning red.

"Besides," he said quickly, the words tumbling from his mouth before he could stop them. "The chances of Roman having feelings for me are infinitesimal. Even if I were to possess feelings for him — which I do not — nothing would come of them. This is a useless venture."

And, god, why did he ever open his mouth? Now Patton was looking at him with open sympathy, and Virgil stared at him like he was an idiot, which he did not enjoy in the slightest. He shifted under their combined gaze, frustration — and something deeper, something colder, glimmering like broken glass as it cut through his lungs and stole his breath away — welling in his chest.

"If Roman doesn't like you back," Virgil started, with an eyebrow raised, "explain why he comes to my room all the fucking time just to talk about you."

And oh, if time had slowed before, now it slammed to a screeching halt just to slap Logan with its absence. He had no words — no witty response, no angry retort, no cold logic to push away the feelings swirling in his gut. He just gaped.

"Virgil, we were gonna ease into that!" Patton chided, eyebrows furrowed. "I... I think you broke him!"

Error 404, Logan.exe not working. He blinked, forcing his mind to work again, forcing himself to process Virgil's words. "He... he does?"

"Why do you think I'm so invested in this?" Virgil asked. "If I have to hear Princey talk about how beautiful you are one more time, I'm gonna lose it."

"Oh," Logan said eloquently. He didn't enjoy being at a loss for words. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, struggling, before his eyes narrowed. "What difference does that make?"

"'What difference —'" Virgil cut himself off angrily, throwing his hands in the air. "I give up. Pat, you take over, I can't do this."

Patton rubbed Virgil's shoulder comfortingly. "Well, kiddo, now you know your feelings are returned, right? Most people would go confess."

"See, I'm not most people, so I can't do that." Logan jerked his tie back into place, ignoring the way his hands shook ever-so-slightly. His face had probably already burned to ash. "My feelings cannot be returned, as I have none. This is useless."

"Bullshit!" Virgil growled, in a tone of voice that reminded Logan of himself. "Either you admit you have feelings for that dumbass and go talk to him about it, or I lock the two of you in a closet and make you —"

"Alright, now, calm down," Patton said placatingly. "We don't have to go that far, kiddo. C'mon, Lo. It's okay to feel."

"Fine!" Logan burst out, the sharpness in his chest lodging in his throat.  "Fine, I love Roman! There, are you satisfied?" He glared at the floor, refusing to meet the others’ eyes. His face burned.

But there was no response. Logan lifted his head, eyebrows furrowing. Both Patton and Virgil wore a wide-eyed expression of shock — though Patton's quickly melted into a bright, encouraging grin.

"I swear to god, we did not plan this part," Virgil muttered. A chill raced up Logan's spine, his breath freezing in his lungs, the blood draining from his face.

And then came the voice — soft, disbelieving, free of its usual infuriatingly wonderful air of confidence. Just there; raw and shocked and oh so Roman.

"You love me?"

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[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi Meat, page 4 reaction

So, is John going to zap to the next plot point now, or will it switch back to Earth C?

I wonder, if it's the latter, whether we might see something from an antagonist, or a less important character, like Jack Noir or GCATavrosprite. And if the former, I wonder if John will venture further into (a retconned version of) the Game Over timeline, or not?

---

"You arrive in the Land of Heat and Clockwork in a flash of white." OOOoooh, LOHAC! Will he visit Dave - well, presumably yes. But will he revisit the moment he zapped back to, when he came to ask for help regarding his retcon powers?

... I kind of like Blaperile's idea better, that he revisits the point in time he disrupted before, the conversation between Dave & Jade, but which he afterwards retconned again, sending himself to go find Roxy? ... Wait, it was never really explained where that John that bapped himself on the head came from, I swear, if this is (out-of-comic) retconned as having been this 23-year-old John... Okay, I might have forgotten if Rx John had already gone back. ... Okay yeah, it already happened. Page 8333 vs 9047 of Homestuck. Anyway...

Hmm, GO Dave never used the eggsword much in the end (Caledfwlch), as he went after Jade's body and tied to a critical devilbeast combo. But I don't think John'll take it?

"Through the condensation you can make out the shapes of Dave and Jade below, as well as two more of you hovering in the air above. Both Johns turn to look at you." PFfffffff, of course he draws his other selves attention. Why would it resolve so cleanly as they zapping away in the background. Dave had a fit before when he saw one, but now, if he'll acknowledge all three...

"On the ground, Dave is talking in a particular cadence, one that is familiar to you, his longtime best buddy. Casual, wandering, verging on droning. It’s a good indication he’ll be monologuing for a while, and probably already has been." Yeah, GO Dave was summing up all the reasons he didn't particularly want to do anything about LE. Retconned Dave just thought he should fulfill the prophecy to get it over with, but that's about the end of his commitment in the matter too. Only Davepetasprite^2 really felt like going up against LE. Will Caledfwlch make it into their hands?

"DAVE: thats what...DAVE: you do...DAVE: with..." Awesome, he even gets trailed off at exactly the same moment in his monologue. :D

"DAVE: karate. john what the fuck are you doing hereDAVE: or... waitDAVE: actually three johnsDAVE: hey three johns what the fuck are three johns doing here" Dave is so whatever about this, it's hilarious. Then again, he's been all around LOHACSE thrice in a single day, he's got some experience in the matter of walking around alt time selves.

Also, I wonder if Dave (and Jade) will notice he's an older version of John. If not, his god tier powers probably keep him youthful, like Superman.

"It’s a fair question, which logically should have been directed to the oldest and most knowledgeable John. Nevertheless, one of the younger Johns replies first." Pfff, the second oldest one then? The one that came back here with a semblance of purpose, not randomly zapping through canon? Plus, if Dave wouldn't notice a difference between the Johns, neither would the younger ones.

"(JOHN 1): er.(JOHN 1): i don’t know." Ooooh! Cool, not just are they parenthesed, the Johns are now also numbered! Yeah, we wouldn't want them to just all be named John, that'd be insane and probably what Jade went through with PCG & FCG from her end (aka two ?CG's).

"JOHN 3: john, don’t worry about it. i’ll take things from here.DAVE: johns dont get me wrong its cool that you all randomly dropped by again but this wasnt really the best time" Hah, yeah John, try and get that semblance of knowing what you're doing back, like you acted out on LOPAN against your past selves. I'm actually interested to see whether he will be as dismissive towards his other selves as back then. Right, this is the second time Dave saw John, after the time he dropped in when Dave was looking at his old photographs.

"DAVE: we were kind of in the middle of a thing here(JOHN 1): whoops. sorry.(JOHN 2): uh... actually, i only came here to swoop in and zap this john away without being seen, to retcon away the mess i made earlier.(JOHN 2): i didn’t expect to see another john here.

JOHN 3: hey, other john, i said i’ll handle it!

JOHN 3: i’m the only one who actually knows what’s going on here.DAVE: god damn it johns what the fuck did you do" John 1 fucked it up, John 2 would've fixed things but then John 3 came back and fucked up some more. It's like the goddamned Primer movie all over again.

"JOHN 3: young dave, please.

JOHN 3: let me deal with the johns first, then i’ll explain.DAVE: young dave???" Why did that make me think of WV's polite commands. "Sir John" and all that. :P I think the other Johns will be able to get resolved easily enough, one zapping the other away to bop him in the head, both confused over the mess they left behind.

"DAVE: ohDAVE: yeah why are you a fucking adult now" OOOOOOh, nice! Okay, even though it'll be all shades of awkward, I really like the age difference isn't getting skimmed over.

"DAVE: did you grow up and start time traveling dude" Take that, reverse it.

"JADE: will someone tell me what the fuck is happening???????" Oh right, Grimbark Jade's text colour thingy!

"JOHN 3: johns, there’s no reason for you to hang around anymore.

JOHN 3: not to sound like a wet blanket, but the things you’re trying to accomplish are now useless, so you can just zap away and do whatever you want.(JOHN 1): ummm...(JOHN 2): useless?? wait." Harsh much, John. Also, just cause they won't/aren't you, they can just go become you, or whatever how you want to put it.

"JOHN 3: ok, maybe i shouldn’t have said that.

JOHN 3: i’m sure you can still go and do what i did when i originally did what you’re currently trying to do...DAVE: jesus john" Dave's inner time logistician is crying. John's retcon powers are so OP, he doesn't have to take any care in keeping time loops going if he doesn't want to. But that'd just result in copies of him flying around, so he'd best to just send them on their way, hopefully never to run into them again.

"

JOHN 3: in fact, it will still probably be a very rewarding experience!

JOHN 3: some of my best memories happened right after you do what you’re about to do next." I was thinking of the meet-up with his friends in general, but yeah, it's probably mostly about meeting Roxy, which is the closest thing to happen to (John 1)'s point in time.

"JOHN 3: the point is, you should just go do it, so that you aren’t here anymore." Savage.

"JOHN 3: i’m here to make sure some new and different important things happen, and those things don’t include you.

JADE: :|(JOHN 1): oh...(JOHN 2): ...ok.

The useless Johns zap away. You sincerely hope that they have a beautiful and fulfilling youth." ... That's not what your mouth ended up conveying there, John. Nor your thoughts, I mean, "useless", dear god man, have some alt self respect. :P

"DAVE: adult john what the fuck have you doneDAVE: is this some time travel shitDAVE: please dont tell me youve been spending the next however many years bungling through time like this because tbh if what i just witnessed was even remotely indicative of shit you get up to on a recurring basis then your future is almost too embarrassing to even think aboutDAVE: and this is coming from a teenager who was just in the middle of an angsty episode" Self aware Dave tirades are still the best. :D

"JOHN: i used my retcon abilities to travel here from the future, in a manner of speaking.DAVE: sounds fuckin stupidJOHN: it is stupid. but that’s just how things are." Glad they can agree to agree on that very valid assessment. :P

"JADE: im a little confused

JADE: im supposed to be hunting you down and capturing you... but im not sure if the adult version of you counts?

JADE: i think the condesce might just be... confused if i brought her an adult john?" Oooh, is this conflicting with her "programming" some how? Doggy Jade is confused, that's actually intruiging that she's given pause.

"JOHN: no, you don’t need to capture me, and you wouldn’t be able to even if you wanted to, since my existence literally transcends the confines of canon.

JADE: well...

JADE: i guess that simplifies things then?" John bullshitting his way to victory over people smarter than him, it remains a sight to behold.

"

JADE: in that case, would you mind giving me and dave a few minutes to wrap up our conversation?" XD Lol, wut????? Hahahah, Paradox Space really can only handle so much derailment to a timeline. At some point it just throws up it's arms and goes "leave me be, for five minutes, I was busy here!"

"JADE: we were sort of in the middle of something important... i thinkJOHN: no, you really weren’t.JOHN: sorry to be the bearer of lame news, like i just was to the other johns.JOHN: but whatever you were doing doesn’t matter anymore.JOHN: nothing that’s happening here matters at all.JOHN: this session, this whole takeover by the condesce... this isn’t how a universe gets made.

JADE: its not?JOHN: no." Sorry to break it to ya, but you're in a doomed timeline.

"DAVE: so what nowDAVE: if its all a done deal like preemptively speakingDAVE: can we all just relax or whatJOHN: actually...JOHN: no." Okay... So, what, can he just recruit these guys off and zap off with them to the next plot point? Won't something have to be done about the grimbarkness first? Also, if the next plot point is in the same timeline... Game Over really gets derailed. No Jade, no swapping Derse for LOFAF.

"DAVE: fuckJOHN: ah! i just realized why she sent me to this point in time to start recruiting you all.DAVE: whatDAVE: who" Rose, but not your Rose, although perhaps with the memories of that Rose, so kinda your Rose. :P Okay, so it's not that Rose's letter gave more detailed instructions than to zap there & recruit. So John'll have to figure out what to bring besides the people, in some cases at least. Like, here that would be Caledfwlch.

"JOHN: this is the moment just after you made your legendary cue ball sword.JOHN: you’re going to need it.DAVE: for whatJOHN: to come fight lord english with me.

Dave’s eyebrows descend beneath his sunglasses. You feel pretty bad because you’re about to completely circumvent the life-changing epiphany he’s just had that you know for a fact will make him a happier, chiller, and altogether more well-balanced human being." :/ Yeah, Dave really was happier cheating his way out of the prophecy. But then, he could only become so happy if someone else took care of the REAL Lord English for him. Guess another Dave'll have to bite the dust for "alpha" Dave again. Then again, epiphany or not, GO Dave might have ended up happy... but then he'd have been a happy ghost, for just as long until LE or the black hole got to him.

Still, man, I'm feeling for the guy. It's one thing to reject the call when it's an abstract prophecy or artefact thrust on you. But now it's his best friend asking him to join him in a crazy last stand. That's... actually one of the toughest challenges any Dave has had.

"DAVE: oh shit" ... Best underwhelming response he could have. :D

"JADE: what??

JADE: john. he is NOT going to fight lord english just yet

JADE: he is staying right here

JADE: old ladys orders :PJOHN: actually, yes he is." I'm sensing a showdown coming, but I wonder how swift John will take care of her, can his mangrist trump First Guardian swiftness? Oh, yeah, and he could turn into the Breeze too, I recall. Yeah, Jade's gonna bite the dust.

"JOHN: and so are you. we all are." Oooooh, okay, he wants everyone from the GO timeline to take a swing. Cool that he's getting his gang back together. Still, the age difference! :P Everyone but Roxy might be a little wary of it. (I'm saying that because at one point Roxy crushed on Jane's Dad.

"JADE: omg

JADE: how dare you?????JOHN: jade, you’re brainwashed.JOHN: sorry. but nothing you’re saying now means anything." Like, I understand where he's coming from, but dang John, still so brutal.

"JOHN: it’s fine though, you’ll stop being brainwashed once i zap you outside the influence of the condesce." Oooh, round trips to blankspace it is? I don't think it'll be to LOWAS, just to "a" point in blankspace they can be "stored" until the gang is assembled.

"JADE: youre not zapping me anywhere!!!!!JOHN: ha ha, yes i am.JOHN: watch this...

> Zap Grimbark Jade outta there." Has he learned to do a snap to zap her away while staying behind himself? Like how Jade zapped everyone to LOMAX.

It would be anticlimactic for John's retcon powers to suddenly cease working here. It would also be very Hussie for that to happen spontaneously. :P But then again, not likely as he'll use the same power to go to LOCAM (Caliborn's planet).

"You set a hand on Jade’s shoulder and zap her off to a better place. Then you touch down on the concrete surface where the whole pointless confrontation was taking place so that you can talk Dave around whatever it is he’s going through right now. Dave, like his ecto-sister, really needs to get in an absurd amount of extraneous words before he can fully process a situation.

The Mayor tips his head at you and fiddles with his sash. God damn, you missed the Mayor." Ah, okay, that particular conversation we might not see in its entirety? Or maybe we will. In any case, right, WV was there! Aww, yes we missed him. But hey, seems like John at least took a little time before they travelled into the future, to get to know WV? I wonder if he ever found out he was his exile, probably not.

"DAVE: so what do we do nextJOHN: well, i’ll leave you to hang out with jade for a bit, while i go round up the others." Hey, it occurred to me, Dave & Jade could have a chat while they wait, work some things out. A similar conversation as that GO Dave & Jade presumably had right after their deaths, when they woke up next to each other in the dreambubbles!

"DAVE: what others... likeDAVE: everyoneJOHN: yes. rose, and the other four." Yeah, this is speeding things up rapidly as far as the meetup between the kids is concerned. Dave & Dirk might benefit from some alone time out in blankspace together, mirroring their LOTAK conversation. Also, this means John will be zapping into the outer reaches of the session to retrieve Dirk, hahah. ... I wonder if the glitches from the stardust will be causing any disturbance, probably not anymore since the stardust was blown out of the cartridge, admittedly at a "later" point in the timeline.

Blaperile has a good point, what about Roxy? I'm going to assume that, by the time gets around to breaking her out of jail, John 1 or an equivalent John has already visited her. But I don't remember if they talked about the ring already back then. I do still think John will be giving her the ring to go revive Calliope, but the exact feelings around the moment will remain to be seen.

"DAVE: i seeDAVE: so...DAVE: sorry if i seem a little slow here im just trying to figure this outDAVE: youre telling me that i made this sword because im destined to defeat lord english and weve all been training for that day our whole lives to some extent more or lessDAVE: and we are actually successful here like we overthrow the condesce and make a universe and everythingDAVE: and thenDAVE: we..." ... Yeah, this timeline won't spawn a universe, it's already been done, it exists, no point in repeating the whole process. This session is now void again. Dave tries to build a timeline in his head that makes sense, but the sad thing is, his future is uncertain. Though, he might not be sad at all? I mean, not if the future is his to be written, right?

"DAVE: sit on our asses for several years in the new universe and become adults and lead mostly boring lives instead of going off to fight him?" ... Or, does Dave really DO understand what has happened, that he's picking up left over plot behind some other version of him.

"JOHN: yes.DAVE: guess that makes senseDAVE: now that i think about it thats probably what i would want to do by the time we finally wrap up this whole hot messJOHN: yep, it is what you wanted to do.JOHN: and pretty much everyone else agreed, including me. so that’s what we did." Not sure how conscious the decision was for them at the time, but sure.

"DAVE: which uhDAVE: i guess begs the questionDAVE: if it seemed pointless at the time and nobody could be assed to go fight him when we all had our shit togetherDAVE: why does it suddenly become important to go back and beat him years later after we become a bunch of lazy adults with boring lives" You'd have to ask Rose but she wouldn't remember in this timeline so the point is kind of mute. :P

"JOHN: i pretty much had the same questions, dave.JOHN: there are probably some pretty good answers to that. definitely some complicated answers.JOHN: but to be honest... i kind of forget what they actually were?DAVE: god damn it john" Pfffffff. John "it seemed important at the time so here i am" Egbert, everyone.

"JOHN: it has something to do with canon unraveling, and such.JOHN: we all live outside canon in the future, and if we don’t do go do this, everything will stop meaning anything.DAVE: does...DAVE: anything you just said actually mean anything in the first place" There's a song that comes to mind from Volume 9, "Everything means Something to Somebody". To Dave, it must be sound like the same level of fortune cookie wisdom.

"JOHN: that’s a great question, dave.JOHN: one that i can’t say i’m qualified to answer!JOHN: i think the bottom line here is, this is what rose said we had to do.JOHN: so, that’s why we’re doing it.DAVE: sounds like a bullshit reason if i ever heard oneJOHN: you might be right.JOHN: but is it less of a bullshit reason than any other reason we currently have to go fight him?DAVE: ...DAVE: damnDAVE: youre rightDAVE: i dont know how you did it but you somehow instantly sold me completelyDAVE: fuck you adult egbert" At some point, the scales will buckle just from the shear heap of bullshit piled on.

"You zap Dave off to where he needs to go. The Mayor is still staring at you, blinking his buggy little eyes. You shoot him a warm smile and a thumbs-up before bouncing off into the ether of infinity." Awww, actually, leaving WV behind can't be all bad for him. He can find Serenity in here, PM too. Condesce might very well leave for the Furthest Ring, and then this session is up for sale to anyone. And with the royalty down for the count, WV can take over. Well, okay, WQ... probably blew up when Union Jack broke Prospit. Yeah, WV, PM & the still alive Derse agents are the top bill around, and if PM can trump Jack again (the three of him, Spades Slick & Union Jack included), then the remaining Derse agents would follow.

That marks the end of Meat, page 4 for us!

[clarespace]

oh god, i just saw the official mv and my heart is screaming. it’s also 2am and im gonna gush about pete and ae with quick and dirty gifs, so watch out: 

ugh, i love these scenes so much. wait, i love every scene, but these first ones are so important. ae is presented as the typical confused guy but get this, he’s so soft and expressive with his feelings, and he’s. not. ashamed. of. it. quite a contrast with pete, whose been internalising his shame. the wonderful thing with ae is that he’s so honest and direct. he says what he feels and thinks. more importantly, his actions coincide with what he says. often, that just doesnt happen in bl stories. the guy feels something for another guy? he goes out with girls and avoids the guy, etc. not ae. the boy just dives right in after a few moments of self-reflection. what an awesome dude. 

and pete. our sweet, shy pete is saying, while looking into ae’s eyes, that he’s liked ae from the beginning. how cute is that? but more than cute, there’s the impression that he’s reached the point where he feels really safe and secure with ae that he can openly say this. wasnt it only a few episodes ago where he was still worried about bothering ae, and ae has done so many things to affirm pete’s trust in him that they’ve reached this point. which episode this will be, who knows, but they get here, hopefully with as little fuss as possible. 

look. at. THAT. that’s one of the cutest things i’ve ever seen and it just screams ‘couple in love’. i gotta say, the body direction in this drama has been SPOT ON by the director and the actors. they’re horribly in love and it should SHOW. they should have their own couple language, their sweet gestures. see how tender ae is, and how content pete looks, especially with the way he closes his eyes when he finally rests his head on ae’s shoulder. just...the way their bodies are positioned is so so so good. boys sit like that! and the way they are subtly turned towards each other shows openness and interest...hear me heave my biggest, happiest sigh. 

idk what happens in this moment except i want more of it. study date? sleep over? moving in together?? okay, the last one is too soon but i have a weakness when my otp spend time sleeping with each other and doing their nightly routines and just living life in love. also, ae, dont be extra. pete is really cute when he’s asleep but that’s no reason to look at him as if he’s literally doing cartwheels and you’re so proud of him...ugh, fine, i take it back. look at him with love ALL THE TIME.

ok it’s so hilarious to me that pete was smiling his dumb ‘ai ae’ smile and then the next frame he’s all serious as ae pushes him down slowly on the bed. also. fooling around in broad daylight? i approve because it’s so ridiculous when dramas only seem to portray that sex happens at night, in the dark. definitely not. also, they could just be cuddling here and i wont object to that either. ae just really dives into this whole thing, huh? 

once again, no context except that ae is so happy and pleased to see pete. get you a man who looks at pete the way ae does. look at the fondness in those eyes. he’s so expressive, i love it. kudos to the actor for his portrayal! also, pete looks...hesitant? surprised? that ae is waving at him? and like he’s leaving in a hurry? hmmmm also i love a guy in a football kit so much

wow guys, just show off your love, huh? like i said, one of my favourite things is watching a couple actually be a couple. what they do, how they act, their own gestures, their rituals and it looks like ae and pete are the kind of ridiculously soft, touchy feely, sweet af couple who love to spend as much time as possible...and that happens to be my all time weakness, my ultimate goal. it’s like, pete is either making a joke or telling him something funny and ae gives that little huff and everything is smothering me with joy. 

i am surprised, though, by the implication that they spend a lot of nights sleeping together. it’s something i dont come across often in asian dramas. western, yes, when they’re dating and spend days and nights in their own world, and this is what i see happening with ae and pete. it’s modern and new and accurate. or am i just surprised because in kdramas they dont even hold hands and they flinch whenever they look each other in the eye? maybe. 

they’re so freaking DOMESTIC and i am so here for that shit. who sleeps on what side of the bed? who wakes up first? do they sleep all cuddled up?(remembering ae sleeping on top of pete, that’s a big YES) who makes breakfast? who fixes the bed? I NEED TO KNOW

hands down my favourite moment. not only is it a great shot, it’s just so...normal. they’re just ordinary boys with an extraordinary love that they’re not afraid to show. look at that body language. the familiarity, the softness, the smoothness of the action. is this the end where they’ve fully accepted each other? told each other all of their stories? cleared away the misunderstandings and are now just basking in the joy of being together?

also, it’s quite telling that ae is being presented as the top. now, i do have my own preferences for top and bottom but i dont really care who does it, tbh, and it doesnt matter. you could have your own headcanons about it and that’s fine as long as you’re not being toxic. i’ve seen so many people refuse to read/watch something if this or that person is placed in a specific role. on that note, i like how they’re showing that the one who’s physically larger isn’t the top, as is the case most of the time. they’re going there. 

there are a few more moments but now it’s 3:30am as i type this, my eyelids are getting heavy (even though my heart is still going kyaa kyaa) and im gonna end this with the two biggest things that the drama is going right with pete and ae: 

1. you dont have to be a jerk and use tricks to make someone fall in love/pay attention to you. 

2. being soft and in love is nothing to be ashamed of. 

i hope that there wont be the usual misunderstandings with the girl, or unnecessary, or break ups. i’ve noticed some people say that pete and ae dont have a complex story and therefore their love isnt complex or strong, and i’d just like to correct that assumption. just because a love story isnt full of angst and bloodshed doesnt make it a lesser love, just like a love story full of hardship and pain makes it somehow more worthy. there is nothing romantic about pain or break ups or messy love triangles. yes, these things happen because the characters are idiots and make such choices that lead to these things, but ae and pete seem to make choices that are good and healthy for them and there is nothing wrong with that. there is nothing wrong with falling in love, getting that person, and living a happy life. it’s so rare to get this sweet, soft gem of a love story between two sweet, soft boys. let’s enjoy it and not wish them to break up or go through silly misunderstandings. if that happens, then it happens logically and not just to throw unnecessary angst in there. 

happiness is not boring. we’ve (or at least, i have) been waiting for so long for a main couple who gets that smooth-sailing love while the secondary ones go through all the mess and have that role model of good, healthy relationships as the focus. again, not saying they should be in a perfect, conflict free relationship but the meddling third parties? the miscommunication? nothing in their personalities makes those things possible long-term, tbh. ae would just be blunt about it and tell the truth. pete would probably agonise a little bit and then ask. if you find dark, angsty love stories as your thing, good for you, but dont wish for that to happen just for the sake of it. 

please let them be happy. look at these adorable children! they should only know happiness and cuddles and sweet kisses.

come talk to me about ae and pete! i am so down with talking about them!

(seeing as there are several volumes of the novel, it would seem that pete and ae do go through some stuff but they remain steadfast and true, as much as i can gather. just no avoidable bullshit, please.)

(also 4am. if you read all of this word regurgitation, thank you and im sorry lmao)

[asexualzoro]

list of reasons I find zoro ridiculous

after my similarly titled mihawk post took off I decided to make a zoro post, since he’s my second favorite character and also arguably the most ridiculous character in all of One Piece. here we go

- I know what you’re all thinking. i’m gonna open this list with how he wields three swords, right? no. no, Zoro has done so much ridiculous bullshit, this doesn’t even seem weird anymore. i don’t even bat my eye at this. this is nothing. now that i’ve got that out of the way, let’s begin

- this dude has like, an obsession with cutting off his own limbs? and MAYBE i can understand trying to cut his feet off when they were stuck in wax—you’re trying to save your friends, i get it—but what about when he was sword shopping in loguetown? who’s first response when buying a cursed sword and testing if it’s really cursed is “i’ll toss it in the air n see if I get amputated lol.” plus there’s that old filler where luffy gets his finger stuck in a bottle and, when he asks zoro for help getting it out, zoro tries to CUT IT OFF. im convinced he lost that left eye of his bc he got dust or something in it and then tried to stab it out

- there’s like, several occasions where Zoro has been directed to head up a staircase and gone some other direction. it happened in enies lobby and in dressrosa? like, what’s the dude got against stai—... oh, wait

- his reintroduction post timeskip. get on the wrong boat? just cut it in half! who even cares! how’d you even end up on the wrong boat? you had to walk towards that boat, which means looking at the boat. that boat looked nothing like the sunny, wouldn’t zoro have noticed that? he also has to make an effort to climb on, which means, you guessed it, looking at the boat! he probably sees the crew members, maybe even gets helped up by one or a few. how did he not at any point in time notice that wasn’t his boat?

- also when they landed on sabaody the first time and zoro was like “i’m gonna go take a walk!” and both Sanji and Usopp tried to stop him, talking to him like concerned parents of a troublemaking toddler, like “Zoro you can’t go out there you’ll get lost!” to which Zoro replies “yeah but the grottos are numbered, I can find my way back if I just remember the number!” and Sanji and Usopp are like “okay, solid logic, even YOURE not dumb enough to mess that up” and what does Zoro do? what does he fucking do?

- I want to emphasize he messes it up because a bubble covers the 4 in “Grotto 41” so he thinks it’s grotto 1. BUBBLES. ARE. TRANSPARENT

- “sorry, I don’t pray to god” fuckin edgelord

- Zoro’s epithet is “Pirate Hunter” and it’s super lame. he could’ve been “Demon of the East Blue” but they went with pirate hunter, even though he became a pirate. even Chopper’s is better than his lbr

- THERES A SCENE WHERE SANJI THREATENS TO PUT RAZOR BLADES IN ZOROS FOOD N ZOROS LIKE “do it u won’t” SO SANJI DOES AND ZORO JUST EATS THEM? ODA EVEN GOT ASKED ABOUT IT IN AN SBS AND CONFIRMED YES, ZORO DID IN FACT EAT RAZOR BLADES. THIS 2EDGY4U BITCH JUST. STRAIGHT UP. ATE RAZOR BLADES

- in film gold he wears that black jacket under the white one. mind you he had no way of knowing he would be trapped in gold by tesoro or that they’d all have a dramatic coordinated outfit change once he was free so what the fuck was he doing? why did he wear that? who wears two jackets for no reason?

- “if i’m gonna be a statue I want it to be in this pose” “i’m glad I struck a pose”

- remember when zoro fought mr. 1 in alabasta and mr. 1 dropped a stone building on him and he was just like “this is a rocky day” or smth equally awful? i hate him

- the tarzan yell in skypiea

- actually, the goggles too.

- didn’t he try to convince someone he was fighting they were sunglasses bc they had some blinding light-based attack? I feel like he did but I don’t remember skypiea well enough to be sure

- Zoro vs the bird in skypiea. spent a fair amount of the damn arc running around skypiea getting messed w by a bird (which, according to Luffy, was more evolved than Zoro bc it had developed a sense of direction. burned by ur own captain)

- when asked why Zoro was able to speak with a sword in his mouth, oda said “IT’S HIS HEART SPEAKING”

- that colorspread Zoro where he reads a book about weightlifting while balancing a weight on top

- when Zoro fights that masochist guy in film gold (I think his name was dice?) and said some cocky ass one liner after the guy fell unconscious that went something like “What's wrong? Didn't it feel good? Aren't you gonna scream in pleasure?" awful

- Zoro almost gets murdered by Mihawk and then, later that day, tries to take on fishmen underwater. others r like “you cannot handle this, you will literally die” and Zoro doesn’t even care bc Luffy is in trouble

- he was sailing bc he left home to find mihawk and then couldn’t figure out how to get back

- remember that filler where Zoro taught Luffy how to skate but then forgot to teach him how to turn. I love both that this happened and the implication that Zoro is a person who knows how to roller skate and therefore has spent time roller skating. Zoro roller skating backstory when?

- when Zoro was fighting oz, a 500 year old corpse, he licked his sword. now, on top of licking his sword being ridiculous as hell because, listen, there’s NOTHING cool about licking your sword. you just look like a loser. but a sword that just came out of a 500 year old corpse? really? i know it was preserved by the cold and all but there’s no way it didn’t rot at all. that’s a rotted, frozen corpse. Zoro what in the HELL were you thinking. I hope you get sick

- i’m sure it probably wasn’t even the first time he licked his sword in a fight but I will say with absolute confidence he looked like a loser every single time

- I feel like he licked his sword while facing mr 1 but I can’t remember. if he did, that’s honestly iconic. stare down a dude that’s made of swords while licking yours? power move. only decent time to kick your sword

- Zoro, joining Luffy: “if you stand in the way of my dream i’ll kill you!” Zoro, a day later: “of course i’ll carry my captain in this heavy cage on my back to safety. oh this gaping wound in my side? nothing. who cares about bleeding to death, my captain needs me!”

- all those big weights he’s got. all of them.

- especially that time he was lifting weights post thriller bark after barely surviving kuma, still heavily injuries, complaining about how weak he is. buddy...

- that time in drum island where he decided to train by going swimming in the freezing ice-country water, then when he got out he got lost in the snowy mountains until he wandered into a random battle and took out some guy just to steal his coat

- this isn’t the only time he steals some random dude’s coat

- the chimney.

- that filler in smiles lobby where he gets, like, abducted by a bunch of children for a day and integrated into their family?

- Roronoa Zoro went fursuiting in dressrosa and that’s a canon fact you all must acknowledge

- speaking of being a furry anyone remember mugiwara theater?

- THE FUCKING MUGIWARA THEATER NAMES. mugiwara theater is a gift, alright? here’s some: nakamura hanzorou. zobear. ZOROMILK

- I FORGOT TO MENTION. THAT TIME ZORO N USOPP WERE HANDCUFFED TOGETHER AND ZORO TRIED TO CONVINCE USOPP TO PLAY ROCK PAPER SCISSORS WITH HIM TO SEE WHICH ONE OF THEM WOULD HAVE TO CUT THEIR HAND OFF

- also the fact that his logic was “it’ll be fine cuz chopper can just sew it back on”

- can we also talk abt how later that fight he uses Usopp as a sword because holy shit Zoro

- this isn’t technically zoro’s fault but the guy who sold him his sword to him in loguetown has a giant version of bounty image up above his bath, which........

- barto asked for zoro’s autograph and Zoro just wrote “sword”

- the grave of the rumbar pirates was finished right around when Zoro woke up from his coma post thriller bark and Zoro decided to walk over while Brook is sitting there mourning almost everyone he ever loved and just. plops his sword—an inanimate object—in the dirt by the grave of BROOKS ENTIRE CREW like “hey i’m gonna bury this here u don’t mind tho right? cool”

- he’s lucky Brook is such a cool dude cuz if I was mourning the death of MY crew and some fuck decided to plant a rusty sword there i’d just fuckin kill em

- in Zou they were talking abt whatever and Luffy mentioned how Sanji was as strong as one thousand men and Zoro, clearly jealous that Sanji got praised by Luffy, butt in with a stuttery objection on how HE was stronger than Sanji and worth TWO THOUSAND men, which luffy ignored, and Nami had to reassure him that yes, Zoro, we know you’re strong. toddler

- this is also not technically zoro’s fault but one time someone asked oda in an sbs which strawhats would eat ice in their drink and oda answered who would n wouldn’t (Luffy, Chopper, Brook, Usopp, and Robin would, if ur wondering). Zoro was on the wouldn’t list, and some fan sent oda a letter informing him of a panel where Zoro was shown eating ice to disprove this. someone pulled zoro ice eating receipts on oda and that’s a fact we all have to live with

- the first time Zoro meets mihawk—the strongest man in the world, the man he wants to defeat someday, and incredibly powerful and impressive dude—he cries like a baby

- zoro’s been crucified like 4 times now. once in his introduction than in three movies (6, gold, nebulandia). idk why this keeps happening but honestly? keep it up

- when Brook joined the crew, Zoro said he was sorry for Brooks bad luck as if one of the first things Brook ever saw Zoro do wasn’t to try and die for the crew via Giant Paw Ball of Pain

- speaking of, i’m pretty sure half the reason zoro DIDNT die in thriller bark is because if he died via smth as silly as a giant paw ball his injured pride would kill him again

- I was going to make fun of Zoro for wearing only a suit and a fake mustache in dressrosa as a disguise but then I realized, like, given how absolutely shredded Zoro was in Punk Hazard and how that suit somehow managed to squish it all down without zoro ripping the sleeves off? solid disguise

- when merry was burning and everyone’s bawling and remembering great memories on the ship and Zoro was standing there, 100% stoic, remembering a nap

- Zoro saw marines (Garp) coming to Water 7 while Luffy was still unconscious and ran off to warn the others but couldn’t find his way back to the hotel

- that G8 filler where he falls off a cliff in pursuit of his swords

- speaking of fillers, remember that amnesia one? (ha). highlights include Zoro trying to physically fight a small sea horse (plus Usopp doing a bad lip-syncing) and Zoro swimming through the Grand Line with his swords tied to his head by his bandana

- meets a dragon, eats the dragon

- it got mentioned once that Sanji and Nami canonly help Zoro and the other guys get dressed. so every time Zoro wears something absolutely ridiculous (which is often), it’s probably Sanjis doing

- “I can’t believe I cut a freaking booger!!”

- speaking of, remember that time Luffy flicked a booger into Zoro’s drink at the Baratie and Zoro tried to force him to drink it?? remember that?? I hate them both

- that time Zoro was trying to find the Right Eye in Skypiea, said that (though the path to get there was STRAIGHT AHEAD) all he had to do to find the right eye was just keep going right (even though that would just lead him in circles!). and then after that do you know what direction he went?? do you know?? he fucking went left

- the time Zoro got lost walking on a straight path in a filler.

- Zoro lost to a guy in a fight and just fucking let the dude cut him in half. like, yes, the baratie scene was all cool as all hell and I love it but Zoro did in fact basically invite a dude to cut him in half

- when they were hit by negative hollows and everyone else said stuff that was kinda funny but Zoro went straight up “I don’t deserve to exist” please honey talk to someone

- he was fighting Kaku and kept engaging in Kaku’s devil fruit bs and then berating himself for being uncool as if he wasn’t already fighting a giant giraffe

- to end this list, I want to get to Zoro’s absolute worst offense. remember when Zoro fought Kaku and he did that asura form thing? where he straight up grew four extra arms and two extra heads, all wielding swords? what the FUCK was that? and don’t tell me “fighting spirit” alright. that’s bull. people don’t just GROW EXTRA SWORD-WIELDING BODY PARTS because they’re just REALLY INTO a FIGHT. like I know this is One Piece and shit’s ridiculous all this time but this? this is too much. even for One Piece this is too much. this is so ridiculous. there has to be a line, even in One Piece, with what these guys are allowed to get away with. I can accept haki so good you can see the future. I can accept spinning so fast you set your leg on fire. I can accept being made of springs. I can accept booger bombs. I can accept all that and more, but this? this is where i take my stand. Roronoa Zoro cannot keep getting away with this! fighting spirit is just not an explanation. and the worst part? the absolute worst part?

- Zoro makes four extra limbs and two extra heads, all armed with swords, MATERIALIZE out of THIN AIR with absolutely NO REAL EXPLANATION and then pretty much NEVER DOES IT AGAIN! he did it once in sabaody (and once in strong world) and then hasn’t done it since! everyone else uses the power ups they got in enies lobby all the time but Zoro, somewhere out there, knows how fuckin sick this attack is (bc yeah it’s ridiculous as hell but like I still enjoy it) and he just won’t do it again. not once post timeskip has he used it at all. Roronoa Zoro knows what he’s doing and he is out there, right now, laughing

- roronoa zoro is one of my top three favorite one piece characters and I make this list entirely out of love. (feel free to add on more moments I may have missed and i’ll add them)

[dragonsrose18]

Don’t Run From Me

Your bare, naked, feet crunch the snow as you ran through the woods for what felt like hours. You couldn’t make out what happened, you blacked out for, God knows how long, and you woke up in a shed, which was in the middle of the woods, with nothing but your bra and underwear. You notice marks on your upper right arm, which made your skin crawl for some reason. The shed was small, small enough to give you a small panic attack, there was no windows, no doors; they were boarded up.

 You searched and searched the shed for what felt like years until you came across a hammer with a broken claw, you use the flat face to bash through newly boarded up wood on the shed windows. You used all your strength and might to smash the wood until the last of the wood became soft pieces of paper falling onto the ground. Your heart fluttered with relief when the windows was the only defense in your way to freedom….and answers. Without thinking you lost the grip on the hammer, it flew through the window and broken glass flew into millions of tiny little pieces, landing onto your arm, piercing your smooth, scarred up skin, breaking the barrier and entering a world of pain. Your scream was inhuman, it was like a high pitch, scratchy noise, like when someone scraps a metal fork against a plate or a metal table. It was unbearable, horrific! Your eyes starting to water, but you blink them away.

 Your SOUL was filled with DETERMINATION.

 You crawled out of the broken window, more glass piercing your delicate skin, but you shook off the pain and continue to climb out of the window until you lost the grip on the sills, you fell, face down, onto the recently build up snow. Did it storm today…? You shook your head, and slowly got to your feet. Pain shot through your arms and your neck as you raised. You didn’t care though, your legs sinking into the snow, the frostbite eating your cold skin, wind and snow mixing into your flowing hair. The snow become more and more deeper as you continue through the woods, the snow sinking to your knees. Cold tears rolling down your cheek, welcoming you with a slight sting following by a larger sting on your right cheek. You reach your cheek slowly, as soon you press your finger on your cheek, you gave a harsh hiss.

 Did someone hit me?

 You couldn’t tell, all you know is that you blacked out, woke up with no clothes, noticing your long hair was cut unevenly from the bottom, giving you a weird angle, and the weird marks on your arms. Besides the scars that covered half your arm and body, you couldn’t help but notice some sort of track marks traced up and down your forearms. Drugs?  

 I wish I had a mirror….

 Question and confusion was filling your head, but shook it off as frostbites started to kiss your numb, cold skin even more. You started to move forward again, through the rows of trees and hard rocks under your bare, cold feet.

 You feel like your head was spin, air was rushing out of you; you were light head. You stomach was growling loudly, causing you to shake even more from the cold and your body reaction.

 Low blood sugar? Shit, how long was I in that shed?

 You try to remember what happened before you blacked out, it was a blur, but it was coming back to you piece by piece. It started about four months ago…...

    You fell into the mountain by mistake, it was just a stupid dare with some drunken idiot who would give you three bucks, a Sears card and a possible “good time” with the drunker if you go up the mountain. You laugh at the crappy rewards, but your sense of adventure and curiosity was eating at you so much all your common sense escaped you, and just like that you grabbed your favorite hiking boots and made your way to the legendary Mountain Ebott. At first you didn’t understand why the town folks were so scared, it looked like an ordinary mountain, trees were taller in person then in the distance, there were flowers everywhere; it was beautiful.

 You dream of escaping the harshness of the world and enter to paradise, but your father, an alcoholic and abusive man, pulled you down from la la land into the real world of assholes and con artist who would use you in disgusting ways. That day you learn that dreams are just a way to tell yourself a lie, so you can have a reason to wake up each morning to work at a dead-end job at the town’s local diner.

 But standing here, an untouched forest filled with wild flowers and freshly grown trees surrounding the mountain plains and clearing made you think that everyone in that small hellish town was wrong. They were liars and fakes!

 Paradise is real!

 Your daydream quickly died when you backed up into a hole, you fell and fell until the sun was nothing but a star staring down at you. You stared at the star, thinking it was the last thing you were going to see before you die. You close your eyes, fearing that the end was near, you wait for death to come to you, but it didn’t. You open your eyes to complete darkness, the only source of light was the hole you fell in, but it only dimed your surroundings.

 You couldn’t see much but you notice you were sitting on a pile of golden flowers, they were glimmering in the dark sun light, How are they able to survive? You thought to yourself. Thinking for a moment, you shrug off the thought and slowly got to your feet. You manage to survive the fall, but your leg was riddled with pain. You moan and groan as the slight hint of pain shooting through your right leg, your brain was screaming at some logic bullshit at you. Telling you to sit down and rest, keep going until you feel rested. But her heart, or at least her very SOUL, was telling her to keep going; don’t stop!

 You were filled with DETERMINATION!

 Ignoring every logical sense in your brain, you slowly started to make your way to the caverns. You were slow, but you were able to find an exist that lead to some kind of ruin. It was still dark, but you can see it was covered in moss and overgrown vines, it was like something out of a fairy tale book or something. You kept going until you hear something, it was like a high pitch laughing. You turned around, there was nothing, just pitch, black darkness. You shrug it off, thinking it was nothing. That changed after you turned forward and was surprise by something unimaginable, you never thought it could exist.

 “oI!” it said gleefully, “iM TeMmIe! tEmMiE tHe TeM!” It was like a little dog, but it also had cat ears, with fluffy black hair; the only thing you can describe was monster.

 You heard the legend of the Human/Monster war centuries ago, but you always thought that what it is: stories. But you’re standing inside the mountain, staring at a cat/dog like monster with a high pitch squeaky voice. You felt the urge to…. pet it? Her? Is it a her? But something about… her was off.

 She acts friendly enough, but your nervousness and cautious manner was telling you a different story. You carefully stepped from the weird dog/cat like monster but at the slightest movement you felt a sharp sting on your backside, something like a bit of electricity hitting you from a lightning storm.

 You turn around to see a wall of white pellet like bullets pointing straight at you. All you can think of how in the world is that possible? And where did it come from?! It wasn’t there before….

 Soon the high pitch laughter turned into a scratchy high note horrid laughter, the monster’s sweet dog like face started to twist into a cruel demon like horror. Her teeth became crooked and sharp, her eyes became hollow with only light dimmed eyes in the center of her pitch-black sockets. She continued to laugh that horrible sound, talking about how this world was Killed or Be Killed, calling you an idiot and that you were going to die slowly and painfully. The “Temmie Flakes” caged you like some sort of prisoner, slowly waiting for your execution, the bullet coming towards you. Fast!

 You were trapped, helpless, and scared. Your SOUL was slowly losing determination, you clutch yourself, tears rolling your cheeks; you were waiting for the end. But it didn’t come.

 Silence filled the air, the dog/cat like monster was blown away from a…fireball? You didn’t care what it was, you were grateful to who or whatever saved her. “What a nasty little creature!” A large, booming, but soothing voice spoke in the shadow, causing you to jump to your feet. Out of the shadow appears a large figure.

 Another monster?

 You were right. The shadow figure was, in fact, a monster. A giant one at that. You started to clutch yourself in fear again, closing your eyes tightly shut. Thinking that this monster wants to kill you too. “Oh, my child! Don’t be afraid! I won’t hurt you!” You still huddled and shield yourself. You didn’t believe him, you didn’t want too. You were too scared to believe someone would just “help” you for no reason! Especially this big booming creature.

 Few moments later, you felt something big probing your back carefully. You slowly open one eye, you looked directly at the large figure, and to your surprise, or kind of sort of a surprise: he was a goat monster! Wearing a purple and white robe, with a strange looking symbol on his chest. He also had a large mane and beard with two curved horns. He sorta reminds you of the goat you had as a kid. You loved him a great deal, he made you forget that you were on a smelly cow farm with the worse people you knew.

 You remembered he stumble into the barn one night, you found him shaking in the hay, the poor thing was scared.  You decided to keep him, he was your best friend, your only friend. He was with you almost every step, until you’re drunken Dad and Uncle ran him over with the family tractor.

 Poor Mister Beans, he was barely three years old.

 While rubbing your back slowly, he gave you his large furry paws, offering you, in kindness, help. You wanted to refuse, you were almost killed! By a deranged little dog/cat monster! But you were alone, and you were scared, maybe he won’t be so bad. You grab is paw and you both walked into the darkness together.

 It was a sort walk but the goat monster, who introduced himself as Asgore, welcomed you to a small cottage that was embedded into the carven wall. You were impressed that it was so well built and fortified. Plus, the little garden in front of the house was breath taking! It was covered in those yellow flowers you saw earlier. You were just in awe of how something so beautiful can exist down here in the darkness. Asgore seemed glad that you enjoy his garden, he looked like the type of man who loves to show off his garden. Like some teenage boy who loves to show off his bike to the local cheerleaders or to some naïve girl who just wants to find love.

 Asgore welcomed you into his home, you felt a warm sensation of hope and love splashing you on the face like cool summer air welcoming you.

 You automatically made yourself at home. You explored every inch of that cottage expect for the stair cases in the main hall. That peaked your curiosity, you were about to take a step, but Asgore stopped you at the last minute, telling you nothing lies beyond that path expect death. That got you away quickly.

 You spent a week in Asgore’s care. He was a gentle, loving caring, and protective man. Like a father caring for his long-lost daughter. Those traits are hard to find these days.

 He made you various kinds of pies, between eggs and bacon pie, Peanut Butter and Jelly pie, Snail and garlic pie (You push that pie into the trash), Cherry and Rosemary pie, even Butterscotch and Cinnamon pie! It was tasty but with a bad aftertaste of left over snail pie.

 He reads to you, play board games, and have lovely chats, but mostly Asgore’s questions about the surface and human culture.

 He even insisted that you call him “Dad” but it brings back so many painful memories of your real father. A man who promise to protect and love you but spent his days in the bar down the street from your house, beat you for the little reason, controlling every aspect of your life with the threats of murdering you in your sleep, destroying your dreams, forcing you to take pictures of yourself naked, and so many horrible things. You hated it! You hated him!

 Every day and night, you can hear his voice swearing at you, calling you a slut. But his sweet, intimating inner psychopath calls you every night to talk to you. He grabs your hand and gentle rub it like you were a fragile little thing. “You’re my little sweetheart, aren’t you?” You always wanted to say no, to throw it at his face, but you were too much of a coward. You nodded and whispered, “Y-yes, Daddy….”

 Ever since then you wish he would die, that someone would find him and rip his throat out and the birds would eat his face, so no one would recognize him. It came true one day, but you don’t entirely remember….

 You gently decline him, you kept calling him Asgore. You didn’t know how he would react, he gave you a disappointing look at first, which frightens you. You thought that he might punish you in some way just like your father always did when you did something he didn’t like. It was always painful, and some sort of scar formed on your body.

 His last punishment involved rope around your arms and a knife; counting how many times you “disobeyed” your father. He stopped after twenty-three. You told him you were his sweetheart after hundred times through tears and crack sobs.

 After you turned down Asgore’s offer, he threw his giant paw hands so fast you barely even saw it coming. You flinched, thinking he was going to hit you. But he didn’t. He patted you on the back before pulling you into a hug, telling you it was alright. He wasn’t going to force you into anything you don’t want.

 Your heart was still racing, you were shaking! You wanted to push away, but you succumbed to the hug, and you began to break down. Tears flying onto the Goat Dad’s fur and robe.

 But you didn’t care. It felt good.

 After a month of Asgore’s loving care, you felt as if something was missing. You wanted to see more from beyond the ruins. You have the urge to explore! Your SOUL was DETERMIND to see more.

 But you feel bad about Asgore’s isolation and loneliness. But you are feeling that you are slowly going crazy if you stay in one place for too long. So, you mustered up any courage that was creepy up your back. You found Asgore reading another book about Snails, and enjoying his usual Flower Tea he loves so much. You tried it once, but it tastes like damp year old rat’s ass!

 “Oh! Hello my child! You’re up early.” Asgore said kindly. It’s early? How can you tell? You tell him that he has be a very caring host and that he is a very kind man for letting you stay at his home, but it was time for you to move on and go home. Where ever home was.

 He seemed to tense slightly. His grip on his book tighten so much it looked like it was going to crush it under his big meaty hands. He was shaking with what looks like sweats drowning his fur on his forehead, he chuckled nervously. Without saying a word, he brushed pasted you, sending chills into your body. You’re first instinct was follow the sweaty giant, but your cowardly side was screaming, yelling, to stay put but you started to hear clashes and loud banging.

 It made your heart stop.  

 You ran after Asgore, finding the main hall empty, the loud crashes and banging continued at the darken stairs he once warned you about. The noises started to get louder as you move cautiously to the darken stair cases. One by one you carefully stepped down the stairs, the loud crashing become erratic and satanic, it was frightening.

 As you left the stair case behind, you peaked around the ruins and saw Asgore tearing apart the ruin walls and the pillars that were standing tall and proud. They were ripped to shreds by his massive meat furry hands, seemingly collapsing the ruins around his small home.

 He was trying to block the way through the rest of the ruins!

 Panic was rising in you. You needed to leave! You wanted to go home!

 “STOP!” without realizing you shriek. It was high pitched, and it was full of fear. Of him? Of being stuck? Never seeing the sun again? You didn’t know, yet you didn’t care. You wanted to go home!

 Asgore halted his steps when he hears you, you can tell that he was shaking. With anger, maybe? Why?

 His voice was deep and hollow, “Child…. Go back to your room. NOW!” You shook from his sudden roar in his voice, but you shook it off. He doesn’t scare you. Your heart was set on one thing and one thing alone.

 Home.

 Your SOUL was filled with DETERMINATION.

 You stood your ground, you didn’t want to stay here! You didn’t want this! You didn’t want this to be your life!

 “No!” You shouted again, this time you force to hide a shudder from him, when he turned around. You fully faced him, he was different then the loving and caring man you met when you fell in this dark, foreign abyss. He was more…. dark, his eyes were full of anger and sadness, why? Because he didn’t want you to leave? He can’t force to stay! He wouldn’t do that, would he?

 You still shook from the over complicated nerves of fear, rattling your body, but thankfully you didn’t show it. Asgore still glared at you with intense silence. You felt your heart race, beating against your chest. When you met him, he was kind and sweet, almost fatherly, but now it was like some demon was awaken, possessive and murderous, and he’ll do anything to keep you. Even if it means your death.

 “My child, you WILL go back upstairs and to your room right now!” You swore his voice gotten louder, how is that even possible? You continue to stand your ground, shouting at him, telling him that he couldn’t do this. He didn’t have ant rights to trap you here like some sort of prisoner, you told him he couldn’t control your life.

 With that, Asgore release a somewhat howl? It was loud and barbaric!  It made you shake violently, your feet glued to the floor, fear cowering your entire body until a flash of pain embeds into your soft skin of your face. The strike was harsh, unpleasant, and left a numbing feeling in your cheek, you wanted to cry, but all you could do right now is stare, in shock, of the ghastly huge monster.

 You couldn’t figure out why the slap surprised you, you were slapped plenty of times before, when your horror of a father was still alive, but seeing this man, who took care of you, suddenly become something that you feared the most.

 Looking up at him, water pouring out of your eyes, rubbing the warm red spot on your cheek, you looked at the darkness behind him and saw a large purple door, it made your heart pound rapidly with hopefulness and….

 Pure DETERMINATION!

 Maybe there was still a chance! Maybe there was someone on the outside that can help you get to the surface maybe? No one can be horrible as this monster, right? Hope was raising in your heart and SOUL, you already spent years in a hellhole, you don’t need another one, even if his intensions were good, but you couldn’t spend the rest of your days isolated just to appease him.

 You gather up your courage and all the stupidity, without thinking you ran into the towering ball of fur and, with all your might, you pushed him hard enough for him to create an earthquake that would tumble down the ruin around you. You were a bit light headed but kept your composure and hauled ass! You run like your ass was on fire, technically it was, as an enrage Papa goat angerly blabbing about you “making a mistake” and “don’t leave me” and “I’m sorry”  “I love you.” You didn’t want to listen to him, your heart was pounding hard against your chest, adrenaline swimming in your system, your DETERMINATION surrounding your SOUL. You were a hellion flying from the throwing fire magic, running and running until…

 You reached victory!

 When you reached the gate, it took all your strength, but you open the massive, heavy gate and threw it shut. You looked down at your feet and pull a long branch from a pile of snow, wait snow?! And shoved in between the handles of the gate. You release a sharp breath of relief you didn’t know you were holding, but it was too soon when Asgore was banging against the gate door, crying and begging muffled. You didn’t know what to feel about him, pity was in short supply and you couldn’t hate him because he was lonely, but he couldn’t keep someone who’s doesn’t want to stay.

  Your victory was short lived when the adrenaline died down and a blast of cold hit you hard, you shivered violently. You turn to see a whit sheet of snow with flakes falling from… the ceiling? It’s snowing inside the Under the Mountain? How? Magic maybe? Right now, you didn’t really care, you needed to get home or at least find someone who can help.

 You walked, slowly, through the sheet of hard and rough snow and rocks, but thankfully you had your hiking boots otherwise it was going to be a struggle getting through at least three feet of the forest you were currently lost in. But you were DETERMINED and that’s all you have left.

 After hours of wondering the forest, you knew you were lost. You were lost, cold, hungry, and lonely; you were very much alone and unwanted. you couldn’t think of a reason to carry on, your life was complete shit and maybe it’ll be better if you just lay down and die. Some monster would probably eat your corpse anyway, if they eat humans. Do they? Doesn’t matter either way. It’s not like it did at the beginning.

 You felt your DETERMINATION fade away in your SOUL. Crack by crack, slowly slipping away into the depth of the void itself, leaving you as an empty vessel of depressing despair.

 You curled in the snow, clutching your legs to your chest, and release a small series of tears until they fall rapidly, it was making your dry throat crack, but you didn’t care at the moment. Your eyes were getting heavier and heavier by the minute until your numb body was falling into darkness, but not before you heard crunching and a pair of blue boots in your fading sight.

 You were slowly coming to, you felt like you were surrounded by a warming and fuzzy cloud that was guiding you to a safe Haven, and you thanked all of the gods for this gift. Slowly opening your eyes, you let out a silent gasp as you eyed what appears to be a…skeleton. Yeah, a short, grinning skeleton. His eyes were light blue and…. starry, he looked like he was wearing a Halloween costume, it was a t-shirt with paddings on the shoulders, pants with shin guards, and what looked like a banana around his neck, you couldn’t decide whether it was threatening or cute? But you couldn’t help but stare at him, you want to look away but…. damnit he looks like a cuddly plushy toy and you just want to squeeze him!

 “PAPPY! PAPPY!” the smol skeleton shouted happily which almost made you jumped out of your skin. “THE HUMAN IS FINALLY AWAKE! I TOLD YOU THE MAGNIFICENT SANS WOULD WAKE THE COLD HUMAN!” the little skeleton was jumping up in down like a little kid on sugar, with literal floating stars around him. He was staring at the stair case as another skeleton came into the room, only this skeleton was much taller then the other one. Only he looks more…. laid back than “Sans,” he has an easy-going feature with a lazy smile that’s stuffed with a half-lit cigarette and his hands lazily hiding in his orange hoodie. You might think that, due to his lazy posture, he might not care that a human was on his couch, huddled with several fuzzy warm blankets, but his small, round eyes were glaring at you.

 It was powerful enough to burn a hole in your head.

 “heh youre right bro though i think she still looks a bit cold. maybe you should make something to warm her bones up! hehehe!” Sans groaned at the pun, but you caught yourself giggling at the horrible joke. The little skeleton rolled his eyes at both you and the taller skeleton, “UGH! WHY MUST YOU RUIN EVERYTHING WITH YOUR TERRIBLE PUNS! BUT NO MATTER, HUMAN! I SHALL MAKE YOU WELCOME TACOS! AND AFTER WE CAN TALK ABOUT YOUR CAPTURE! IT’LL BE PERFECT! MWEH HEHE HEHE HEHE!” Sans jumped gleefully towards another room you assume was the kitchen. You WERE hungry of course but now you were now stuck with the other skeleton, glaring hard at you like you committed the crime of the century. You try to look evade his gaze by taking a look at the skeleton’s house, you were impress on how clean and comforting the house is. The walls were a reddish color, with blue and purple strip carpet, by the T. V was a sock with dozen sticky notes, and on the side, was a large table with a…. rock with glitter?

 Weird….  

 You were too preoccupied to notice that the taller skeleton popped next to you, you let out a squeak of fear, making your heart race against your chest. You whipped your head at the tall skeleton, who’s gave you the laziest grin you have ever seen, try your hardest not to yell your head off, but use the calmest voice you have, “H-how…. you were just…. what the fuc- “the taller skeleton holds a finger between the both of you, halting your sentence. He pulled his now unlighted cigarette and threw it on the ground, he dug in his pocket and pulled out a…dum dum? Where the hell did he get that?

 He sucked on it for a few moments before he talks, “better watch the language honey my lil bro might hear ya. hes a bit…. 'sensitive,’” he airs quoted and unquoted his phalanges, you gave him a confuse look. He just shrugs and close his eye sockets.

 How the hell is that even possible?!

 “spend some time with him youll understand but lets get down to brass tax.” You were going to open your mouth, but he grabs the front of your shirt and drag your face close to his, his left eye socket was flaring a bright orange flame, flickering heavily like a wild fire spreading chaos, but it wasn’t chaos he was spreading.

“w h a t t h e f u c k a r e y o u d o i n g h e r e ? !” his voice was harsh, dark, and deep. So very, very deep it made your skin crawl in a way you never felt before, not the way your father did, but it was enough to give you a heart attack, well not an actual attack but still.

 You tried to keep your voice steady, but it was still trembling with fear, “I…I fell! I fell, and I ran! I-I swear!” The taller skeleton grips your shirt even harder, his voice was thicker, if that’s even possible, “s w e a r t o m e!” You shook and shiver, “I swear! I was with Asgore and I ran! Please! I’m not here to hurt ANYONE! Please…” you never shouted a pled before, it hurt. Your throat was crack, it was screaming for water, ANYTHING, but it doesn’t matter now, if this skeleton was going to kill you you wouldn’t stop him, you just want to escape from this hellhole. You never asked to be here nor ask to be in a shitty situation, and this grim reaper was just making this worse.

 You felt warm pings of wet tears falling down your cheeks, the grip on your shirt was gone, the present of the skeleton was gone. You close your eyes and hide your face in your hands, muffling your cries, “Please…. I don’t…. he hurt me so bad! I don’t want to get hurt again, please…. Please don’t hurt me….” You continue to cry for a moment until you felt boney hands pull you in an unsuspecting hug, letting your head slide on his clavicle, you felt a pat on your head. You continue to babble about your pain, your father, Asgore, every shit thing that happened to you, and you didn’t care anymore.

 But he mumbles something and felt a slight tingle in your skin, it was… smoothing and peaceful, a kind of peace you never felt before, it was nice. But it was short lived when a small explosion destroyed the small peace, the smell of burned meat and salty taco invaded your nose as Sans, covered in grease and taco sauce, brings out a tray with several tacos, all burnt and covered in glitter. He gave you the friendliest smile you have ever seen, and he was so… innocent and a sweetheart, it was hard for you to hate him. Especially with that cute floaty starry thing he does when he glees.

 The three of you eat, or tried to eat, Sans’ “newly friendship” tacos (while Sans was distracted the taller skeleton, who calls himself Papyrus, made the tacos disappears. Apparently didn’t want to hurt his little brother’s feelings either.) While Sans talk about how treat you well under his, his brother’s care, and how someone name Alphys will be “excited” to meet you and he’ll be in the “Royal Guard” in no time. You feel like you should be scared by you couldn’t stop smiling at Sans’ caring nature when he offered you his room, but Papyrus turned that idea down hard. REALLY hard. Insisted that you sleep on the couch, which was fine by any means.

 After a few weeks, the skelebros treated you like family, which was unexpected considering you were human, but it didn’t matter, not to you or them. But within those said weeks turned to months, you and Papyrus has gotten close, very close. You didn’t know how it happen, that day you met him, he comfort you in a moment of depression, but he made you forget. Forget everything.

 You and Papyrus spent almost everyday together, getting drunk at Muffet’s, getting high with his self-made drug, annoying each other with horrible puns and terrible knock knock jokes, and beating him at his “head corn dogs” challenge. Between horrible jokes and eating week old corn dogs, you notice that Papyrus have been grabby with you lately, but it’s usually slight touching of your bottom or he “accidentally” grabbed your breast when the two of you were alone. You weren’t sure how-to response to this, every time you wanted to speak up Sans always come in. He seems to have a natural talent for coming in at the wrong place, at the wrong time; no matter how much love you have for Sans it gets annoying fast.

 But one night after Sans left to train with Alphys, you finally came clean to Papyrus. Well, more like blurting your feelings like an unholy banshee is real smooth moved. Your heart and SOUL was beating against your chest so hard that you might faint or hyperventilate, but Papyrus turned your face to his, slowly caressing it. Moving his hand from your cheek to chin, gripping it gently, moving your soft lips to his lipless grin, pressing it softly. After a few moments, some wet and tingling moved around your lips then it dived deep into your mouth, dancing with your tongue. He moved his hand to grip your hair, his touches become greedier and lewd, like he was getting drunk off your taste; it was beautiful.

 Without thinking, Papyrus grabs you by the waist and pushed you on the couch. You didn’t do much expect stare at his empty sockets, but he had the look of a feral animal, you scared yet aroused. You wanted him to do so much to you! You wanted him to rip your cloth off, tie you down and let him down whatever, you wanted him to mark you, remind you that you belong to him!

 God! You wanted him to DESTROY you!

 But tonight, it seems he just wanted to admire you. Every curve, every weak spot, everything that would make you squirm in delight. He kisses the curve of your neck, nuzzling, licking the sensitive spots making you excited with arousal, panting hard for the craving of the hard touch of this skeleton. You moan and beg when he release you from your clothes, he slowly pick at your collarbone to your left breast, gently licking and nipping your nipple, making you gasp blissfully, moving to your right nipple until he moved his magic tongue down from your breast, from your stomach, and to your wet dripping womanhood. You arched your back as you felt the warm, wet tongue assault your entrance, you let out a moan as the agony teasing was bring you to the brick of release, but it was ultimately denied. You begged! Begged and cried for release! But the sadistic skeleton just laughed at you, but removed his own clothes to reveal his long, thick, glowing cock, you nearly drool at the sight. Papyrus climb on you, rubbing his cock at your entrance, you gasp at the goosebumps revealing on your skin, you beg for him to take you, to make you cum, to make you his. “Do you want me, honey?” he asked, you nodded eagerly as he enter you like a gently lover would. His pace increased, holding you by your hips, stretching your womanhood beyond extent, feeling every groove, every hum of magic flowing inside you. You wrap your legs around his pelvis, begging him to release you, to make you cum and let him mark you as his, but he took the advantage to give you a deep and passionate kiss as his magic flew into you. As he rides his orgasm, you came as well with a shout “I-I LOVE Y-YOU!”

 After that first beautiful night, Papyrus returned his love for you.

  You fell and roughly roll down a steep hill, snapping you from your day dream, hitting your head on the snow and rocks. You raised your head and saw red in the snow, you realized you were bleeding! You had to find Snowdin and the skelebro’s house before you die from either the cold or blood lose. You stood in a forest clearing, a clear spot surrounded by trees which has many different path, all of them lead to the dark forest. You were shaky and scared, you couldn’t tell which path would lead to Snowdin, maybe the one with stones that look like human children?

  You were about to talk the path before you heard faint crying behind one of the large boulders, it wasn’t like a heavy sob, but it was like a little howl or a…. wail? Wait, Happstablook?

 “Oooooooooooooooh~”

 You remember meeting Happstablook in the ruins when you sneak away from Asgore to explore, you remember he was crying because of a…. cousin? Or something about being a bother? You don’t remember, he was mostly babbling while he was crying. You tried to talk to him, but before you could say a word to him he just disappears. But now it wasn’t his usual light crying, he was out right sobbing! Either Asgore hurt him or someone else did.

 You walked up to the large boulder, a bright pink glow illuminates heavily, “Happstablook? Is that you?” the light dimmed a bit, a whimper escape and the sobbing became louder, “Wait no! It’s me!” you shouted before Happstablook disappeared, that seem to stop him. The light brightens, and he popped his head from the rock, “Darling? Is that you? Oh, thank Asgore, you’re alright!” He whispered excitedly, his glow was still dim, and tears were still flowing, but you notice there was some marks on him that look to big to be scratch marks, and blood was spilling out badly. You tried to touch him, but he flinched away from one, “Happstablook, what happened to you?” Happstablook gasped a sob before he found his voice, “I-I was lying in the snow, minding my own business, then I heard a noise. I-I thought I was somewhere I wasn’t wanted, so I tried to move but they…. They…. They tried to kill me, darling! I was so scared, I panicked and ran! It was awful!” Happstablook tried to hide his face when new tears form, you couldn’t imagine what this poor monster has been through! Some…. maniac just attack him? Just like that? You knew all too way about this situation, you were going to give him your best consolation, but a soft ruckus in the bushes was enough to give both of you pause. There was a panicked in you, especially Happstablook, his usual pink glow changed into a deep crimson red and his tears were replaced by droplets of sweat coming out of his ectoplasm hair,” Oh no! Oh no! Ooooooooh~! They’re coming! They’re coming! Run! Darling, we must run!” Out of nowhere, Happstablook pushed you into one of the dark pathways and kept flying towards the darkness, you follow him as best you can. But you kept running and running, adrenaline keeping you on your feet, but you hope you would keep up to Happstablook.

 It seems like you were close to the glowing ghost monster until….

 A screech reached your ears, and the glowing crimson turned into a dark grey. Your heart stop, you couldn’t see much but the ghost was sliced in half, slowly falling a part until nothing was there but dust. Your knees were weak, your heart stopped, you couldn’t breathe, you never seen anyone was outright murder in front of you. You horrified! Tears fell for this innocent little ghost, and now you were staring at the murderer. You couldn’t see them, only their glowing red eyes and the reflection of the stain red blade.

 Your mind was racing, the only thing that was going through your mind was “run!” When you looked at the murderer, they weren’t there in front of you, but the heavy breathing, which made your hairs stand up, convinced you to run like mad. You kept running through the dark forest, keep going and going. You thought, with all your determination and adrenaline, is that you’ll keep running until you die of exhaustion, but after a few scratches, you manage find Papyrus and Sans’ house after…. who the fuck cares?

 You were aching for safety and relief!

 You bum rush through the door, it threw open with a harsh bang on the wall, but you honestly didn’t care, if there was a murderer out there you had to make sure Papyrus was alright. You gather what breathe you had left and cried out, “Papyrus?! Sans?! Please…. Please answer me…” after a few moments of silent, and almost fearing the worse, a tall skeleton in a bright orange hoodie popped in front of the stair case. A wave of relief crashed over you, you threw your arms around Papyrus’ neck and gave him a long deep kiss, he returns that kiss with his arm crushing your bruise form in his arms.

 “honey where the hell have you been?! We searched for you for almost two weeks and we feared the worse!” Papyrus holds your cold body to his warm bones, you wanted to cry, wanted to break down, but you couldn’t process what happened! You were gone for two weeks?! You didn’t even remember leaving the house! You remember eating…. something, but something hit you? It was fuzzy, but that wasn’t important right now. You looked up at Papyrus, your eyes were still watery from earlier after witnessing….

 Papyrus grips your chin gently to face him, “honey whats wrong? what happened?!” You gather what’s left of your voice, it felt raw for some reason, but you manage to let out a little, “Happstablook…. murdered…. murderer! Murderer! Murderer!” you pointed at the orangish door, repeating “murderer,” through a valley of tears and sobs. You weren’t sure if Papyrus understood you but he it seems he did. After a few moments, he took you in his pig pen of a room and slipped one of his “clean” orange hoodie on you and covered you in several different blankets. He got up quickly and turned to leave, but you grab a few of his phalanges and try to tug him towards you, “No! I don’t want to lose you too! Please don’t go!” You cried, you let go of Papyrus phalanges as he crouched next to you, he gave you a quick peck on your forehead, “sans is on patrol and if what you said is true I had to make sure he’s alright. don’t worry ill be fine honey.” Papyrus left quickly out of his room, you know you should listen to him, but somewhere, deep in your gut, something was wrong.

 Something terribly wrong.

 You quickly kicked the warm blankets off and rush after Papyrus, you ran down the stair, spotting him standing in the front door. Just standing there, you were about to call him before…. Revealing a deep, crimson slash across his sternum, it completely ripped his hoodie, staining it with his…blood. You felt your blood freeze, everything ceases to function, only your voice seemed to reach you when you release a high-pitched scream, “PAPYRUS! NO!” The wounded skeleton stumbled a few times, you ran towards him until he collapsed in your arms, splashing his blood over you. You looked at the bloodied skeleton, the one who you gave your love too, dying in your arms. His body slowly decaying into dust while you sat there and watched, tears coming as waterfall, landing on his blood-soaked hoodie. His hands gently grip the edge of your hair, small words coming out of his dying mouth.

 “a…. always…. love…. you.” He was gone.

 The dust on your hand was enough to make you gag, you try to gather Papyrus’ dust, hoping by some miracle he might come back somehow, is that even possible? You didn’t care, you just wanted Papyrus back! You needed him! How would you get him back? What would Sans….

 “Human! What’s with all the tears, Human?!” That voice. You looked at the door way, a shadow appeared, it came into the light to revealed to be Sans. Covered in blood and dust. No. It couldn’t be. Not sweet and Innocent Sans you come to love. This can’t be real. But it was.

 Sans was standing in the living room, holding a butcher knife, and those horrible red eyes you saw was his. His usual starry eyes were replaced by deep crimson, hollow eyes. It was like the eyes of the Devil himself, only it possessed the most innocent thing you have ever known. “What’s wrong, Human? I Only Did It To Protect You! Papyrus, The Others? They Would Never Understand.” Sans began, motioning to the dust on the floor, “He Didn’t Care About You. He Never Cared About You….!” Suddenly all the rage inside of you was boiling inside of you, how dare he! Papyrus cared about you, he…. “He Didn’t Care About You Like I Did!” That made your skin crawl. But then it made sense to you all together.

 All those times you and Sans were alone together, the way he stares at you and Papyrus, the way he sometimes touches you and caresses your skin, he was obsessed with you! All those times he yelled at you and Papyrus showing “profanity” in public, it was because he was jealous. Dear god, why didn’t you see this! “You Didn’t See How…Unhappy You Were, Human!” Sans continued, his eyes changing from red stars to swirlies like he was a mad scientist, or… a crazed murderer, he gently rubbed his red stained blade, making you shudder in return, “So I Saved You! But You… Mweh hehe! You.... You Ran Away From Our Home I Tried So Hard To BUILT!” Sans hand flew to your cheek, he hit you hard enough to lose your balance. “How Could You, Human?! I TRIED SO… hard…. To Make You Comfortable….” Sans’ voice was eerily calm, his so familiar grin grew even wider, if that’s even possible, “I Even Made You Feel So Good, Human! Do You Remember? Do. You?”

 You fell in a daze, you hold the same cheek that was bruised earlier, then a sudden flash covers your eyes: a sharp pain on your same cheek radiated as an angry Sans shouted at your barely conscience body, another pain shot threw you neck, but you didn’t care you soon felt numb and good like your whole body was in paradise. You felt your arms being pulled over your head and something wet and slimy traveling down your neck to your breasts, licking both your nipples, then a slight pain spread into you as you heard a loud grunt from Sans. The pain halt, becoming more pleasurable. You begin to moan, wet tears escaping your eyes as you beg for more, he greatly obliged you by increasing his onslaught which hits you with more pleasure-pain that cruelly entice this brutal skeleton to continue. He pants and moan while his dripping tongue dangles over your mouth, “OH HUMAN! I-I’M CLOSE! SO CLOSE!” You were close too, you beg him to let you cum with him he grin at your request and thrusted, hard, into you until you let out a scream, sending you on the edge of your high. Sans thrusted one last time as he cum heavily into you, his hallow eyes stared at you before claiming your mouth. Your eyes become heavy by the second, even in your blurred state your skin crawled at a simply word before disappearing in the abyss.

 “M I N E.”

 You blinked at the sudden memory before you, you kept blinking until you felt new tears rushing from your eyes. You couldn’t believe it. Sans, the sweet and kind skeleton with a heart of gold, raped you! He kidnapped you, locked you in a fucking shed, drugged you and raped you! For two weeks?! You heart wretched in loathing from the thought, your stomach twisted you willed yourself not to throw up the empty content, “Sans…. wh-“ you were interrupted by yet another sharp pain, but this time it radiated from tip of the red blade digging into your side with Sans harshly gripping your chin, forcing you to look at his blood covered face, “Why Couldn’t You Obey, Human?! Was I Not A Good Captor?! Was I Not A Perfect Lover Like My Brother?! Was I- “Sans froze for a moment before his grin grew wider then normal, his hallow eyes turned starry red, his grip got even tighter that you winced in pain, “Or You Just Want This To Happen, Hmm?”

 What?! How could he even say that?! You never asked for this! You never ask for Sans to-  Sans lets go of your chin and grabs a handful of your hair he roughly pushes you down on the carpet, where Papyrus’ blood and dust were. You scramble to get lose from Sans’ hard grip, you squealed and screamed. The dust was covering your face, mix with Papyrus’ blood, your tears and sweat, it was like being forced into a dead man’s coffin it was more horrifying when it was the man you loved. Sans’ laughed at your weak attempts you escape his death grip, “You Wanted Me To Kill Him, Yes? Kill Him Like That Ghost In The Forest?” You tried to turn your head, to shout your pled at him but he could only hear your muffles, “I didn’t kill them, please….”

 “Oh? If You Have Stayed In Our Home, Darling, They Would Have Still Be Alive! If You Just Agreed To Be Mine None Of This Would Have Happened! Papyrus Carry On With His Useless and Worthless Ways And That Ghost Do Whatever He Does!” You shook your head, not trying let his words were getting to you, but you couldn’t help it. This skeleton was abusive, manipulative, controlling he reminded so much of your… father. A man who contently beat you, hurt you until…

 He was drunk again! This time he had a gun, he loaded with bullets and shot at you, multiple time. He found you at all your known hiding spot, he yanked you by the hair and threw you against the wall. He points the gun at you and slowly trigger, but it came out as a soft click. You took this opportunity to push him away, he fell through the glass table. Million of pieces of glass pierced his rough skin, his eyes flaring with angry at you and you knew deep down he wasn’t going to shoot you, he was going to make sure you hurt. Bad. You quickly grab his car keys and rush outside, you got in the car and locked all the doors you hastily put the key in the ignition and gave it a couple of clacks, it wouldn’t start. You begin to panic as your father jumps in front of the hood with an incredibly amount the engine start and forced the car in a reverse causing your father to fall on the pavement. You could drive away get away from this monster once and for all, but seeing this bastard, who tortured you most of your life, who was vulnerable for the first time in how long finally gives you a chance for freedom, for vengeance. You switched the gear shift into Drive and looked at the stumbling Devil himself, this was it… No going back. You can finally be free. You slammed on the main petal and just like that he was gone.

 Or Was he?

 No, he wasn’t gone. He will never be gone. Men like him always live in the shadows, behind masks of who they pretend to be. Like your father, like Sans. Oh god he was right! He was right, if you stayed in the shed none of this would have happened! Papyrus would still be alive and Happstablook wouldn’t have suffered that fate!

“You Couldn’t Behave, Can You, Human? Must You Ruin Others Lives With Your Selfishness? Ruin Them With Their Death?!”

  You started to shake you stop struggling and begin a new form of tears you begin to mumble, and sob apologizes. To Papyrus, to Happstablook, to Asgore, to your terrible father, but mostly to Sans. He was right, he was just trying to protect you to show you how much of a lover he is to you and you betrayed him.

 You felt the grip on your hair harden and pulled you away from Papyrus’ dust, “What Was That Human?! I Didn’t Catch That!” You shook with your sobs coming out as hyperventilation, “I’m SORRY, SANS!” You screamed, it was loud enough to penetrate his skull, “I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SO SORRY! I DIDN’T MEAN TO DISOBEY YOU! I-I’LL BE GOOD! I’LL LISTEN TO YOU FROM NOW ON I PROMISE!” Your babbles were out of control, but you hoped that would suave the skeleton enough for him to trust you again. You wouldn’t run again if he won’t hurt anyone else, maybe gain his trust again show him that he won’t take you back to that god forsaken shed again or maybe that you love him as much as he loves yo-

 You heart sunk as you felt something sharp sticking into your neck Sans laugh was low and nasty, “Mweh Hehe Hehe! Oh, You Will Human! We’ll Be Happy Again! But… It Seems That You Can’t Be Trusted! So~ It Seems Like I Have To Punish You! And If You’re a Good Girl… I’ll Let You Have Your Clothes!” He pushed the needle in your neck and soon the familiar blur of regret, sorrow and dismay.

 You felt your DETERMINATION disappear.

[wingedhumanoid-remade]

@wings-united because you’ve blocked me and I can’t reply to your messages. which is hilarious.

Oh i reallllllllllllllyyyyy am loving this. Are you actually reading um, anything im saying? Lets start with celocanths becuase you apparently didn't do any fucking research. Celocanths. dont. have. more. than. four. limbs.  Neither do any other devonian fish. I said it really slow so you'd understand. The "limbs" you are referring to is called a "limb-like appendage," heres some photos so you can grasp this concept.

See how that worked? The other fins do not even vaugly fuction as limbs, cause theyre not.  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limb_(anatomy) "Limbs are jointed." "one of the projecting paired appendages (such as wings) of an animal body used especially for movement and grasping but sometimes modified into sensory organs." You dont look at fish, see their fins and go "HEY the've got more than four limbs!!!!" Come on. Ok, so now that that god awful excuse of a "rebuttal" is out of the way. My earlier statement still stands (hint because its a law of evolution) How did we evolve another fully functional limb. N other species on earth at the complexity above like, an amoeba, has EVER EVOLVED A NEW LIMB. Tell me, Kah.  So why do you think avians would grow new limbs? ell me exactly how the limb developed. "Evolution doesn't get to make whole new mechanisms out of whole cloth. Note that both bats and birds had to sacrifice their hands to make wings. Evolution didn't just tack on wings. Their arms and hands gradually changed into wings. They re-used the basic existing structures and pectoral muscles. It's a hack. Evolution is always a hack." "The only mammal to successfully gain true flight are bats, and they have been diverged from the rest of the mammalian tree for 100 million years. We just have not been evolving for long enough, and more importantly we have been evolving to fill a completely different evolutionary niche than the one filled by flying animals. It is basically impossible for evolution to change trajectories so drastically on such short notice." Why would the avian ancestors  "need" wings? What sort of circumstances could occur that would drive us to need wings that are not already resolved by us having exceptional creativity and cooperation between our kind? Evolution just doesn't work the way you're looking at it - "it would be nice if we had wings, so let's evolve some".  Even if wings were needed for the survival of the species, extinction is a MUCH more likely outcome.  (hy didn't the dinosaurs ALL just become tiny, so they could survive?  It doesn't work that way.  The ones that HAD become tiny - the ones that eventually became birds - DID survive.  That's how evolution works - you don't evolve what you need, you survive IF you've evolved what you need.)

Avian ancestors did not go from "lump on back" to "wings." Cause for that to happen you need a reason to have the lumps form in the first place, and then STAY there. What purpous would having extra stuff on your back to carry around have? How would that be an evolutionary advantage? "Regeneration is literally the growth, or regrowth of limbs, and it acts on stem cells. Wing growing is a form of regeneration, but it is creating new limbs. How did the gene for those limbs evolve, thats what I'm asking.  I know what regeneration is and it only works if theres a genetic code for those limbs to appear.

"You’re right, evolution edits what’s already there. Like cells, which create and grow things" No organism has ever had evolution start randomly mutating some cells on its back to grow a new limb, or anything even close to that. "My friend. We are not birds, therefore it would be impossible for us to get a pointed face, specialized heart" HOLy shit lmao. You really don't have a grasp on evolution. Theres no. reason??? avians wouldn't  have gotten a more pointed and streamined face shape. I'm not saying avians would just fucking. grow a beak? Im saying they would have become you know, shaped like they were ment to fly?

“To think that Homo Avians (IS, not could be, IS) a thing that would  be possible is simply stupid.” I’m,, holy shit.   You’re essentially telling me that avians aren’t possible and that  i don’t exist. "

HOLY SHIT ARE YOU. Serious?

Oh my god. I'm just stating the fucking facts my dude. Taxonomy is a real thing, and one rule is that organisms with a different amount of LIMBS do not get grouped in the same genus. Sorry? Again, get it through your thick skull. Just cause I say the classification of "Homo Avian"  wouln't make sense, doesn't mean I think growing wings is imposible. How many times am I going to have to write that before you fucking understand?

Hominids are in the superclass Tetrapoda contains the "FOUR-limbed vertebrates known as tetrapods"

https://biology.stackexchange.com/questions/21772/why-dont-mammals-have-more-than-4-limbs https://www.quora.com/Why-arent-there-any-species-of-mammal-with-six-legs https://www.quora.com/Why-dont-any-mammals-have-more-than-4-limbs-Why-didnt-they-evolve-to-have-multiple-legs-or-arms-like-insects http://www.ucmp.berkeley.edu/vertebrates/tetrapods/tetraintro.html

"Adding a limb, on the other hand (no pun intended), is pretty expensive. You're not just adding a single extra part, but a whole network of additional blood vessels, bone structures, tissues, and what-have-you. These all need additional nutrients and a good set of genes to ensure they work together properly. On top of this, you also need the limb to not be a disadvantage. It needs to be in a useful place anatomically and immediately offer an advantage as soon as the extra limb mutation comes into play. These mutations can occur, but it's vastly more likely that they're a disadvantage. Take frogs, for example. It's not altogether uncommon for frogs to develop extra legs. What usually happens, though, is you end up with a frog that's clumsier and slower and packing more meat. Predators tend to like that sort of thing, so the mutated frogs don't live long enough to produce offspring so that the extra limb(s) could eventually become useful."

= OH boy. Have I been WAITING to roast Project Icarus. 1. "The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s) and members" "Project Icarus is THE ONLY GROUP THAT CANG GROW WINGS, and anyone else who doesn't have the special"gene" i just made up IS TRASH AND HOPELESS"  

2. "The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality" Do I..... even have to say it? "US vs. "The stupid dreamers." Did you see how fast your group turned against us? Immeditly going from "friends" to "I HATE YOU RETARD NONE OF YOU HAVE POTENTIAL AND CANT GROW WINGS" etc...etc...etc... I could go on.

3. “Wouldn’t it be exciting to really know the secrets of being an avian?” HOLY SHIT. THATS LITERALLY HOW PROJECT ICARUS WORKS. "We, PI, are the ONLY group who knows the SUPER SPECIAL METHOD and the real SCIENCE of growing wings. All the other group are fucking stupid." My group is exhibiting NONE of those behaviors you’ve just “quoted”.

4. "I’m 100% positive that if someone joined your group and decided that Sahde’s was more logical, you’d threaten them, hackle them, be utmost bitches. " Ooh my god... the IRONY. You mean, hackle them and be utmost bitches like.... when sahde removed me as an admin when I didn't agree with her? When she told me to leave and make my own group cause I wans't going along with your cultlike beliefs? Actually, in my group I'm encouraging you know, actually free thought? As in "we all have differing opinions on how wings are grown, and thats ok." So yeah, good try bud but we aren't going to be like PI was.

5. "You’re making everyone in the group feel guilty and terrible." WHERE LMAO. Me? Me as in IM the one going around calling my members retards and stupid cult members like a child? oh right, thats you :/. Oh and crow, whom you persuaded to go into my group, lie, and then leave after calling us all "a cult full of dreamers." yeah. ok. and then the blocking of course. i've been blocked by almost everyone, expecially you becuase you didn't want to hear what I was saying anymore. I understand blocking oliver, and I do not condone their behavior and I definitely have asked them to stop sending you and the others edgy messages. I have not sent any one of my members to go yell at anyone from PI cause I have some common decency. You can talk to them if they hurt your feewings.

As if you and Ro are some holy angelic saints who are never mean uwuwuwuwuwu. if you're felling guilt, maybe theres a reason.

6. "invites random people to attempt to grow wings who will never grow them" You mean like.......................................................... you? sahde? ro? whom have never grown wings yet and not even proven their own ""theory?""" yeah......... thats smart. remember when sahde lied abut having wings?that was fun. remember? not cult-like at all.

We don’t let in random ppl, we haven't let anyone in. All my group is made up of ex-pi members who were tired of the bullshit. I gave them the option to leave and didn't force any of them to stay.

7. "The group displays excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader" GOD this is really funny. sahde can explain this one to you, shes already gone on a rant about it before.

8. " Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished." ajhsbasjdhgjaskdashkjahfjhfldsjfh

http://www.csj.org/infoserv_cult101/checklis.htm

tdlr. i could do this all day. i know you’re never going to admit “hey maybe im wrong, my theory doesn’t make sense in terms of evolution” because you think you’re so smart and are again, full of yourself.

Please. Actually acknowledge the science instead of spouting bullshit.