#...god this not-relationship really fucked me up didn't it sometimes I forget how much everything hurt me and how far back I set myself

[elihermit]

lost in the memories

pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley x fem!reader

summary: after the incident at work where Buck had to rescue you, you ended up in coma and relieved every moment of your relationship with Buck

word count: 2,1k

note from the writer: i’m so excited to finally share my first imagine with you! i’m taking requests 🫧

Breath in and breathe out. That’s what Buck always said when you start panicking and feel anxious. But today this panic was not over missing a deadline for your task at work, it wasn’t something you could easily fix.

You work as a psychologist who helps your patients get through the trauma of the past and find the strength to move on.

The day started as usual: morning kisses and cuddles with Buck, breakfast, I love you's, and you both went to work. But then everything is just blank, you didn't even get a chance to take your first patient or maybe you did? You can’t even remember.

You woke up at your apartment, cuddling your favorite toy, you got it when you were 9 years old and since then — it’s your lucky charm. You look at your screen to check the time — “8am”. Good, you have time to grab the breakfast at your favorite spot.

Brush your teeth, shower, get dressed, put on some makeup and you’re ready to go.

“Good morning, (Y/N)! Let me guess, latte with raspberry syrup and English breakfast?” — it was Alice, the waitress in your favorite spot. You go here almost every day and you truly can say that she became your friend.

“Good morning, Alice! Yes, you know I can’t start my day without you teasing me and my favorite coffee to get through this.” — you can’t help but smile, she really knows how to highlight your day.

“Of course.” — Alice smiled. “How many patients do you have today? I think I need to make you two coffees.” — she remembered when yesterday you had 5 patients and you came back to the cafe to buy one extra coffee. You loved your job, but sometimes it was too much even for your professional head. Poor people, they don’t deserve to live with all of those traumas.

“Yes please. You’re an angel!” — you gave her a grateful look and agreed on her offer.

Now you have 30 minutes to eat your breakfast and the place was so packed, you were lucky to take the table the moment you walked into the cafe.

About halfway through enjoying your breakfast and making your schedule for tomorrow, you heard someone approaching you.

“Excuse me, I’m so sorry for disturbing you, but could I please sit with you? There’s no empty table and I think I will actually go nuts if I don’t eat.” — you raise your head and it was the most gorgeous man you have ever laid your eyes on. Pretty blue eyes, brown hair and the body of Greek God. Fuck, you stared too long, gotta answer quickly.

“Of course. I got you, this morning anger because of being hungry is not very cutesy.” — you laughed and pointed at the seat in front of you.

“Oh my god, yes! Thank you so much, my co-workers just got saved from my rudeness by…” — he sat down and didn’t finish his sentence so you could tell him your name.

“I’m (Y/N), nice to meet you. Happy to help, we don’t want to give your co-workers some traumas.” — you chuckled. God, you can’t forget about your work even when you have free time.

“That’s very true.” — he laughed. “I’m Evan, but you can call me Buck.” — the way he smiled… This image definitely won’t leave your head.

Suddenly, everything went dark. It’s like there was only one lamp that shined on your table. Buck started crying. You never heard any man cry like this. So much pain, desperation and suffering. With his head on his hands, you could see how his shoulders trembled with every cry.

He raised his head and looked into your eyes with so much sadness.

“Please, come back to me.”

Darkness. You move your finger. Why can you move ONLY your finger? What’s going on? It doesn’t feel right. You can’t see, you can’t move, you can’t speak and hear. Just darkness.

You open the door. Here he is, in all of his glory. Your partner, your love, your friend and your boyfriend in one person.

“Okay, I got every snack you like, you ready for our movie night?” — there’s a big bag of goods in front of Buck and he’s smiling like The Cheshire Cat.

You smile and pull him into the kiss. The sweetest kiss you have ever had. The best lips you have ever tasted. You already knew it would end up being Netflix & Chill.

“I missed you so much.” — you say into his lips and he gives you one more kiss before leading you to the couch.

You sat on the couch immediately getting trapped in his embrace. You didn’t mind at all. There’s no place in the world where you would rather be.

“Did you pick a movie? It’s your turn today, baby.” — you loved your tradition when at least 2-3 times a week you have movie nights. Last time you watched a movie called… You actually can’t remember, making love to each other sounded better after 15 minutes into the movie.

“Yes.” — he makes you look into his face. “Come back to me.”

Darkness. What the fuck is going on? You can feel you squeeze someone’s hand but you can’t see anything. Is that some kind of dream? More like a nightmare actually. Why are you getting pulled out of the most happiest moments of your life?

Buck. You feel so scared without him, you feel so alone. You want to scream “I’m here!”, but not a single word comes out of your mouth. That must be some kind of horrible joke.

You look into the mirror one more time and notice Buck staring at you with a smile.

“Okay, baby, first of all — you know you can stare and touch.” — you said with a smirk and Buck immediately made his way over you. He put his hands on your waist and yours gently fell on his neck. “Secondly, remind me again why we’re gathering in the middle of the week?”

You took a day off, because Buck was convincing you that no one has any other free day and only today they can all meet up together. Honestly, you loved being at Bobby’s and Athena’s house, especially when everyone was there too. Eddie with Christopher, Hen with Karen, Chim with Maddie. It’s like having a second family and you were grateful that they accepted you and loved you as much as Buck loves you.

“(Y/N), I told you it’s the only day when everyone is actually free.” — he said and kissed you. “And to be honest, I just wanted one more day off for you, you were working your ass off past weeks.”

True. For some reason you took more patients than usual and it was exhausting two weeks. Buck is always worried when you overwork yourself, so you didn’t hesitate long when he asked you to take a day off, you felt like you needed that too.

The evening was going great. Everyone is talking, laughing, dancing and eating. It was the most fun days when you all meet up together and Buck knew you loved it. So when Buck asked everyone to give him a little attention, you giggled, because usually it was the beginning of Buck doing something funny.

“Yeah, I know you all are probably expecting me to do a back flip.” — everyone laughed. “But today is a bit different. Not gonna lie, probably it was the hardest task in my life to keep everything a secret.” — you furrowed your brows, what secret?

But Buck continued.

“(Y/N), can you stand next to me, please?” — you’re confused, but you did what he asked. “My love, I know you’re confused and probably thinking that I had too many drinks. And I might be drunk, but I’m drunk in love. The moment I saw you in that cafe, I knew I couldn’t lose you. Honestly, the waitress said that there will be an empty table in 5 minutes, but I still chose to sit with you. Because how could I not?”

You started to realize. Is he… proposing? The love of your life is proposing to you?

“Buck…” — you could feel tears forming in the corners of your eyes.

“Baby, I can’t imagine my life without you and can’t even remember my life before you, that’s how well you filled all the missing pieces. So…” — Buck got on one knee, pulled a pretty little velvet box out of his pocket and asked the most important question that you didn’t even know you needed to hear. “Will you make me the happiest man alive and be my wife?” — you froze, tears started streaming down your cheeks. All the love you had for Buck just got 10 times stronger.

“Yes!” — you smiled happily and fell on your knees to kiss Buck.

He pulled the ring out of the box, carefully placing it on your finger and looked into your eyes.

“Then please, (Y/N)… Come back to me.”

Darkness. Honestly, you’re getting tired of this. You either died or got trapped in the most fucked up dream. And knowing that you don’t really have dreams, there’s only one option left. Are you actually dying? This can’t be real, right?

In the past 3 years your life has finally fallen into the right places. You met Buck, work was going great, you’re supposed to marry the love of your life… You cannot miss that. “Till death do us apart” doesn’t mean that you have to die so soon. You need to come back!

“My love, I know you probably don’t hear me, but I can’t do it without you.” — you heard the echo in this pitch blackness. It was Buck. “We had so much ahead of us, do you remember? We wanted to buy the house, I wanted to surprise you with the best honeymoon, we wanted to start trying on our own bab-“ — his voice broke, you heard sobs.

Your breathing has become heavier. You could feel your chest rising. Can you just open your eyes? You can’t leave Buck like this, you can’t leave your new family. You need to come back, you had so much ahead of you. Wedding, kids, travels, joy, being a wife and mother.

You heard another echo.

“Please, baby, just please come back to me…”

NOW! YOU NEED TO WAKE UP!

You could feel your eyes trembling. Darkness was replaced by white light. Heaven? There is definitely no smell of medicines in heaven.

Slowly, you open your eyes. So slow that it doesn't scare away reality.

The first image you see when you open your eyes and move your head to your right is Buck. He squeezes your hand with his head almost on the hospital bed. He’s still sobbing. It broke your heart into a million pieces. He didn’t deserve to go through this.

“Buck…” — you whisper. You can’t talk any louder, because your mouth is so dry. But he heard you.

Buck raised his head and met your eyes. You’re awake. You’re actually awake. One moment he was in hell, now he’s praising God for bringing you back.

“You came back…” — he smiled with his puffy eyes.

“How could I not? I heard you wanted me back at least four times.” — you chuckled tiredly, making jokes was your defense mechanism against difficulties.

“I thought I lost you, these 4 days were the hardest time of my entire life…” — he wanted to continue, but you interrupted him.

“4 days? W-what happened?” — you couldn’t believe it, you were out for 4 days.

“The building where you work collapsed. There was a mistake made when designing the building and it just fucking collapsed. I found you under the concrete slabs.”

Of course he was the one who rescued you. Your hero. On one hand you were happy that it’s him who saved you, but on the other he probably blames himself for not doing more, for not providing the proper safety. But let’s be honest, he did everything he could and you’re so grateful for that.

“Thank you for saving me.” — tears falling down your cheeks and you’re just happy to be back to him. To your lifeline.

He didn’t say anything, just got up and placed the most gentle kiss on your lips. Almost like he was afraid he could break you and you would vanish, that’s why you placed your hand on his cheek as a confirmation that you’re really here with him.

“So, what’s the best honeymoon you wanted to surprise me with?” — you said into his lips.

“You really heard everything?” — he asked confusedly, you giggled and kissed him once more.

Time to make more memories together.

[lostfracturess]

omg I've just finished the recent r&r reader returning from the emotional rollercoaster it was and i really really think you don't know the CHOKEHOLD your works have on me 😭😭😭 i feel completely shattered broken and etc etc etc ahhhh i don't even know where to start withhhh

so, this chapter i am even more sure that suguru totally should end with someone like a r&r reader (to my opinion ofc) and i do hope he would. he needs someone entirely from another world, who could make him laugh and feel relaxed and content, someone more easy going and... softer, yeah. i really really don't see a s&c reader with suguru (it's totally not because i absolutely in love with their love with satoru. nah ah) 😞😞😞😞 in romantic relationships, though they will do great friends. they clearly belong to the same world, that sometimes suffocating and overbearing university and the clinic, and suguru desperately needs a fresh air. also they are too calm and composed to each other?? i mean satoru really brought the unhinged side out of the s&c reader (why am i talking about s&c. it's another story!!!!)

anyway, i enjoy suguru and r&r reader's dynamic so so much!!! their start is clearly turbulent, but almost every their interaction feels so soft like a cup of tea to me, a sweater, a cozy evening at home with the rain outside. like they're soothing balm to my heart and my comfort, while s&c more like my raw unfiltered emotions and entire soul 🥲🥲🥲 and i am so happy to see suguru seeks comfort in the r&r readers, and she makes him happy even a little, that makes him to forget about cigarettes!!!! that's an achievement, me thinks.

also i would like to point out that i was completely shattered by the dialogue between satoru and suguru, i wrote all my thoughts out. i wanted to tell that one of the many things i absolutely adore about your writing is you describing different life dilemmas and situations with such intensity and sheer vulnerability that make me feel goosebumps. especially this one, the friendship one, since it really one of the most important things in your life. truly thank you for raising such topics in your works! and of course the life crisis of the reader, her struggles with self identifying, pleasing her parents, not knowing what to do with her life...it feels so relatable and that's why it's so hurtful and painful. i completely love the way you describe all this, you're such a master with words.

that's probably everything i wanted to say like summing up, thank you for this amazing chapter!

as usual, idk how to put this adequately, so i am just gonna leave my thoughts right here...

"And on top of that, my mind kept drifting back to the sports bar, to easy laughter and surprisingly good conversation. To someone who actually managed to make me forget about work for a few hours. It was... nice. Different. Unsettling. Probably why I let things get carried away" YESSSS THAT'S WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT as i think he needs someone entirely else from his circle!!!!

"That was one time." He spun in his chair to face me. "And the pharmacy figured it out eventually." 😭😭😭😭 he's so stupid. man of my dreams. and what, dr. gojo isn't perfect in every aspect??? outrageous, me thinks

"No, that's just natural talent," she said, some of that bar night ease creeping back into her voice. "Though I have to say, watching things change color isn't usually part of my job description." the way he instantly thinks about the bar night when seeing her more comfortable and easy i canttttttt

"She bit her lip, fighting back a grin. The gesture was distracting in a way I didn't want to examine too closely" AND THE WAY HE STOPS MYSELF FROM OBSERVING HER WAY TOO CLOSELY THOUGH HE DOES NOTICE ALL THE SMALL DETAILS AND GESTURES? fuck give me two

"No," I said, surprising myself with how much I meant it. "I like hearing you talk." oh my god. does this man even realise how sappy he sounds?????? impossible.

two things we can always expect from nici - angst and all men in stories being pathetically in love with us (even if they didn't realise it. especially when they didn't realise it)

"I mean, if you want to. I don't understand much about art, but—" I rubbed the back of my neck. "If you show me what to look for, I'm sure I'll like it." OH MY GOD. SO PATHETIC. THAT'S A BRAND, HE'S GOT THAT STAMP™

"I checked my watch — 5:47 PM. I should probably head home, but then what? Watch some mindless TV show? Read another research paper? Order takeout that would sit in my fridge until it went bad? God, when did my life become this predictable?" some relatable moments in that story ❤️ don't worry bro, I've got you

"I pushed away from the bench so forcefully my chair squeaked against the floor. My hands were already reaching for my cigarettes before I made it to the window" i loved that contrast when he forgot about cigarettes with a r&r reader, and when he immediately reached for them thinking about a s&c reader 💔 he didn't even realized botg the things 💔💔💔 (by loved i mean my heart broke in the most shattering way, but it's okay, i am okay. it's barely a half of the chapter-)

upd.: I've just read the whole chapter and it seems like suguru smokes that much when really nervous. BUT STILL THAT MEANS HE WASN'T NERVOUS WITH THE R&R READER!

"No. Absolutely not. I'm better than that" booooooo boriiiiiingggg

"That stubborn set of her jaw when she tried not to admit defeat. Just like him" are you trying to kill me? no, let me rephrase this ARE YOU KILLING ME????? not only they started took each other traits but also the fact SUGURU noticed it, noticed how the woman he loves and shouldn't love resemble his best friend???? give me a gun

"What do you want to work on?" I asked softly, my thumb tracing soothing circles on the back of her hand" oh my god why the fuck did i tear up 🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓 like it was the last straw

"You're being too hard on yourself." Always chasing perfection, just like him. "You can't expect to master everything in a few months. Even Satoru took years to—" I caught myself, watching her shoulders tense at his name" every time suguru willingly and unwillingly compare her to satoru is like you said a stab to my heart. thank you.

"I'm a terrible friend. To both of them" NO YOU'RE NOT STOP THISSSSSSS. i am sorry but the way he was with her in the lab, trying to distract and cheering her up without overstepping any boundaries speaks volumes about his relationships with her especially

"What kind of man watches the woman he loves hurt like this and does nothing? Someone so passionate, so full of life, slowly dimming because he can't get his shit together—" no I can't, this emotional rollercoaster is killing me

this entire conversation between satoru and suguru destroyed me, i am not kidding, it's 1:28 am and i am crying in my bed 😭😭😭 i am shattered and broken. the way their friendship slowly started to drifted apart, and they couldn't do anything about it (not like they wanted because suguru is obviously so annoyed and angry with satoru, and satoru...well. satoru) as they didn't even notice how that happened and now it's too late to pick up the shards :((( thought i do hope they will reconcile, however i understand that even if it happened, the things wouldn't be the same. for me it hurts that much, because it's such a relatable thing that could possibly happen to everyone. if compare the angst between the s&c reader and satoru, it hit differently, because this is more intense, and that one between satoru and suguru is more... relatable. i mean, people tend to overlook the meaning of friendship and downplay it for the sake of romantic relationships, which is very wrong to my mind, so i am truly happy you touched this topic in your work 🥺

"I went through the motions, my hands steady as ever in the operating room, my voice clear during presentations. To anyone watching, I was the picture of professional composure. But inside? I don't know" yay twinning with satoru here 😃😃😃😃😃 and he says they are strangers now haha (she copes)

"And I was... what? A mess of a man carrying a torch for someone I could never have, trying to fill that void with someone else? I was not sure" man you know it really doesn't feel like you're trying to just fill the void...at least for me. i view it like two entire separate things

"She turned, and the smile that lit up her face made my stomach flip. How could she look at me like that when I'd kept her waiting for two hours?" and THESE self deprecating thoughts...i feel satoru here 🤨🤨🤨

"She made the plain white walls of the gallery come alive with her stories" now this is one of the most romantic things I've ever read. on my knees.

"You're awfully supportive, for someone who barely knows me," she said quietly, the words half-muffled by her wine glass" i think it's such a suguru thing to do 😭😭😭 although in majority of things it would be just an awkward small talk, but i view him like that...

"Something in her voice made my chest tighten. She sounded—lost. Different from her usual self. Gone was that fierce confidence, that spark that made her so much like Satoru" you know that just made me wonder maybe suguru loves s&c reader because she reminds him so much of satoru? (woah that sounded GAY, but okay), i mean he's his best friend, he knows...well, knew him like his palm, and when he started founded some similar traits...as far as i remember suguru liked her for quite a long time, but maybe as she and satoru started sorta dating that feelings in suguru intensified, also based on jealousy? idkkk just my thought

'I was painfully aware of the her standing nearby, pretending to study a painting while obviously trying not to listen. I caught her eye briefly, gesturing that I needed a moment. She nodded, with an understanding in her eyes that somehow made it worse" you know i would really throw myself out of the cliff when the man i like would talk to a girl he loves (this ENTIRE fact is already enough) when we're having a heartfelt conversation...and she understands, of course she does...poor baby

"You're awfully understanding, you know that?"

She looked up at me. "Something we have in common, it seems."

THIS IS PURELY DIABOLICAL MY JAW- dropped.

NO. IT DID BREAK MY HEART. IT DID.

ahhhhhh thank you so much for your review again!! you always make my whole day with these (imagine me giggling and kicking my feet while reading hehe) <3

and yes you are so writing with how suguru needs someone different than what he used to be around. i kinda always saw canon satoru and suguru like that. like satoru needs someone similar to him and suguru needs an opposite. that's what i wanted to somehow convey in these stories.

also love your observation that s&c reader and suguru are calm around each other while s&c reader and satoru are like unhinged together, like yeah totally! i kinda never realised it myself haha. and i'm glad you noticed the cigarette metaphor hehe.

thank you so much for your kind words about the themes in my work, i love exploring the themes of feeling lost and stuck in life with this story, bc i think everyone has had that kind of phase in their life and that's what i really want to achieve with this story, so i'm glad it comes through <3

two things we can always expect from nici - angst and all men in stories being pathetically in love with us (even if they didn't realise it. especially when they didn't realise it)

yes yes and yes, always in your service <3

and that one between satoru and suguru is more... relatable. i mean, people tend to overlook the meaning of friendship and downplay it for the sake of romantic relationships, which is very wrong to my mind, so i am truly happy you touched this topic in your work 

no like for real, friendships are so important and i think you only really relize it when it's too late and they start fall apart. love that you said that !

"She turned, and the smile that lit up her face made my stomach flip. How could she look at me like that when I'd kept her waiting for two hours?" and THESE self deprecating thoughts...i feel satoru here 🤨🤨🤨

i can only write miserable men i'm sorry, how can i write normal men??? i can't

you know that just made me wonder maybe suguru loves s&c reader because she reminds him so much of satoru? (woah that sounded GAY, but okay), i mean he's his best friend, he knows...well, knew him like his palm, and when he started founded some similar traits...as far as i remember suguru liked her for quite a long time, but maybe as she and satoru started sorta dating that feelings in suguru intensified, also based on jealousy? idkkk just my thought 

ohhh you're onto something hehe (what would be a good jjk fanfic without satoru and suguru being at least a bit gay) <3

as always, thank you so so much for sharing your thoughts with me ahhhh. they make me so happy :')) wish you the best <3

[twothpaste]

i'm interested to hear about Porky for that character meme

First impression: The first time I saw Porky was in Smash Bros Brawl when I was like 12, and I was probably about as bamboozled as every other kid back then. I remember being creeped out and a little captivated, wondering what the hell could possibly be up with this rampaging kid / old man / ??? In some kind of life support mech??? Like damn these Mother games must be crazy. (Proceeded to emulate Pokemon instead for the next 6 years 🤸)

Impression now: Oh, I see! He was The Best Villain In All Of Media. That's what was up with him. He carved out a corner in the back of my brain where he's been living rent free for a decade. If I think too hard about him I go off the rails and sometimes become cataclysmically sad. Awesome.

Favorite moment: The entire Empire Porky Building is a mesmerizingly monolithic character study unto itself. But his climactic speech when you finally reach him at the 100th floor is like. God. Fucking hell. Where does one even begin. The surprising eloquent conviction with which he speaks, after a whole dungeon of childish taunting. And then, it's actually such a thin veneer after all. He's deluded himself into thinking he's a godlike visionary, but everything he declares about "humanity" is so insecure and immature and downright wrong. The unnerving spite and tragedy of it all. The urge to pity him feels like a bellyache. How you know where he came from and what a hapless child he used to be (and maybe still is) - but to the people of Nowhere?? They've got no fuckin' clue. And he doesn't belong here, but at the same time, he embodies every individualistic capitalistic apocalyptic thing they tried to shove under the rug and forget about. Just. Agh. Turns my brain and bones to jelly.

Idea for a story:

Unpopular opinion: He's not "insane," or mind controlled by Giygas, or gone "crazy" in the aftermath of Giygas' influence. A thousand lifetimes are sure to do something to a guy's head, sure - and I'm sure his mental health ain't great - but like?? Everything about him hits so much harder if he is of relatively sound reasoning (like every other capitalist), and if he's acting on his own will. Stripping him of his psychological agency renders him so thematically & conceptually toothless to me, idk. If he was just acting zany & evil 'cause he was out of his mind or whatever, then none of the shit he does or says really means anything!! Giygas brought out the worst in him. Aloysius and Lardna conditioned him to make terrible choices. Porky chose to spend 3842389 years committing atrocities unto mother Earth and mankind.

Favorite relationship: His friendship with Ness is so bittersweet, and his use of Claus as an extension of himself is both harrowing and fascinating. I think my fav is his narrative dynamics with Lucas though. How they both faced cruelty at the hands of shortsighted adults and the world at large, but learned completely different lessons from it. How Lucas, presumably a boundlessly kind and forgiving person, gets pushed to his absolute limit with this guy. How he's gotta grapple with the ethics of Porky's fate, whether or not he deserves to spend eternity trapped by his lonesome. How Porky coerces this humble farm kid into the role of Ness, chasing the high of his friendship and rivalry. How he calls Claus his "double," right in front of Claus' actual double, just to drive the knife in deeper. How he thinks he represents the grim reality of human nature, while Lucas stands tall and faces him as a shining counterpoint. Everybody explode now.

Favorite headcanon: Uhh shit I dunno what my favorite is. The Masked Man is based on one of his original comic characters he used to draw when he shouldda been paying attention in math class. He had a crush on Ness and didn't know what to do about it and now it's the whole universe's problem. He has a laughably poorly-informed admiration for Ronald Reagan, 'cause his dad spoke highly of him. If he were just a guy in the 2020s, his goal in life would be to usurp Elon Musk by being exactly the same but "smarter" and "more competent" (he would fail because he's neither).

[morbiderotica]

bestie (anyone who writes for mello is immediately my bestie) I would LOVE to hear anything you think about dear sweet mihael. like, what's the deal with his relationship with religion? Did he partake in drugs during his time in the mafia? Actually I'd take ANY headcanon about the time he spent between leaving wammy's and when he's introduced as an adult. Did he have a kindred spirits sort of thing with Matt because neither one of them was the best! (even tho mello cared a lot more about it than matt did)? I just want to pick your brain so bad 🥺

─ ★ headcanons ... tw: religious trauma, implied accidental overdose + more.

♡ when he left wammy's he was lost and confused

♡ he practically had everyone telling him he was never going to be good enough and always going to be second to near

♡ he obviously didn't really have anything and often resorted to stealing

♡ sometimes food though most of the time substances

♡ i feel like he just really needed an anchor to lean on so he started praying

♡ at wammys they said a grace prayer before eating meals so he wasn't a stranger to praying

♡ he spent countless nights just screaming at "whatever god was there" trying to get an answer

♡ he prayed and prayed and sought help from any higher up

♡ it drained him so much that he started doing drugs and sometimes even drinking

♡ he was very adamant about not keeping in touch with anyone from wammy's excluding matt

♡ after one too many pills or too many bottles of beer mello was without a doubt calling matt

"it's 4 in the morning, mello." matt paused. "are you okay?" worry overtook his voice and mello could hear the rustling of blankets. "matt." mello hummed with ease, letting the boys name fall off his tongue. "mello." matt sighed. "what is it this time?" he inquired, knowing mello was probably sulking again. "i miss you." he slurred.

"how drunk are you?" matt was growing more concerned. mello expressing his feelings? unheard of. "i can't do this without you." matt could hear mello shuffle followed by the sound of things hitting the floor. "shit." mello bent down to pick up the scattered pills. "mello? what did you drop? pills? i thought you were drinking." matt was now wide awake. "i am." that was enough for matt to forget about his prolonged sleep and find mello as quick as he could.

♡ after that wherever mello went, matt went too including the mafia

♡ mello was very against the idea, obviously not wanting matt to get hurt, but theyre both stubborn assholes so

♡ matt kinda just let mello do his own thing

♡ you know, the usual, popping pills, fucking whoever and whenever, murdering anyone who got in the way

♡ when mello would get "cranky" as everyone would call it, matt would be there right next to him

"you don't have to stay." mello's leg was bouncing relentlessly. "last time i left you alone you fucking-" matt was angry, but not at mello, so he stopped mid sentence, thinking of his next words carefully. "i want to stay... for you." mello nodded. "i get it, you know. so, if you wanna talk 'bout anything, well, i'm all ears." matt didn't get it, but mello accepted his offer anyway.

♡ even though he never got clarity from any sort of god he can't bring himself to stop praying, even after joining the mafia

♡ he prayed day and night, for himself and for matt

♡ the thing that really got him though was when matt died

♡ he tried everything, bargained everything he could, begged for matt's life only to once again not be heard or answered

"mello, whadda doing, we gotta go." matt was getting impatient. "yeah, one sec." his fingers moved from one bead on the rosary to the next, mouthing words engraved into his brain. matt stared silently, watching mello pray. "is this really necessary? i mean you do this every time you have to-" "it's not for me." mello whispered before placing the rosary back around his neck.

─ ★ bonus ...

♡ he tried to get off the drugs and started eating chocolate in place of them

♡ it didn't work

♡ now he's addicted to drugs and chocolate

♡ one time one of the mafia guys punched matt and mello was furious

♡ he tore the whole place apart, screaming, throwing things, and threatening to kill the guy

♡ matt just kinda followed him around aimlessly trying to calm him down

♡ he ended up killing the guy

♡ he tried to find his parents at one point after drinking too much

♡ ran databases and pulled up birth certificates and everything

♡ he cried himself to sleep when he couldn't find anything

i love you /p 😭

[magiefish]

OH GOD OH NO OH FUCK ME OH SHIT OH NO <- Just finished listening to Neverland

Further, more coherent, thoughts (and spoilers) beneath:

*Through gritted teeth* There is no alternative. There is no alternative. There is no alternative.

Anyway I really enjoyed that episode. I had forgotten what an enjoyable and satisfying conclusion to a story arc felt like. NuWho really sent that one through the Oubliette of Eternity.

I've never watched classic who romana but I *love* her dynamic with the doctor. The bit where they're under the console alternating between yelling technobabble and whispering plans? Effervescent.

The bit where Charley is like "Oh no! The Doctor!" and the co-ordinator says "Who?" mockingly. Brilliant.

The sound-effects were also really good. Charley's screams as she got "transfigured" were genuinely harrowing. And the moment of silence before the casket explodes? Gorgeous

The Never-People are really cool. Sentris' backstory was messed up and I like her character in general (also the doctor told her 'don't get your halo in a twist' or something? Much to consider design and symbolism wise)

The whole 'oh we're sorry the government did those terrible things to you, but don't worry, it's all a thing of the past now bit!' immediately followed by the reveal that no actually the horrors are ongoing you just didn't notice. Was certainly. Interesting. In the contemporary political climate.

TARDIS THAT HIDES AS A PLANET!! NuWho should really do more tardises disguised as unlikely objects. Work that chameleon circuit. Let's have a TARDIS necklace or something.

Rassilon seems a lot chiller here than he is generally depicted as in new who? Maybe that's just what the time war does to a motherfucker. Also he's dead? Didn't know that was a part of the canon.

Charley is honestly so delightful. She has so much wonder and curiosity but she's not afraid to assert herself, and she's frankly far more willing to put her own personal hang-ups aside for the greater good than the Doctor is.

Speaking of which, I find that a lot of New Who stories that try to do 'the darkness of the doctor' lean really hard into the potential ruthlessness and egotism and anger of the character (see Ten) but honestly I've never seen those as the Doctor's primary flaws? They're definitely angry with certain people and species (see Nine and the Daleks post-Time War) but their self-centeredness is not just being kind of controlling and ignoring the wishes of the people around them occasionally, it's also tossing their own health and safety aside at a moments notice. Sometimes being self-centered isn't just about being selfish or self-involved, it's also thinking of yourself as an isolated individual who's death or self-destruction won't affect the people around you who care about you, and that is definitely one of the Doctors major character flaws.

They also suffer from what I affectionately term "Best friend related object impermanence" in which they become incredibly attached to singular people and even when it's a them vs the universe situation if they're right in front of them they just kind of forget the universe exists and always put the companion first, usually at a detriment to themself. Like, if they can't see it it may as well not be there, laws of time be damned.

I think it's because The Doctor's so old and they already know almost everything about the universe so they need their companions in order to experience the wonder of it again but ultimately that just kind of leaves them in a bit of a co-dependent relationship with them. Which is a Yikes for them from me, but I also love relationships in which two people are entangled with one another in an deeply unhealthy way, so I will be both patting them on the back and pulling out the popcorn to see how it goes this time. (Can you tell I'm a Face the Raven-Heaven Sent-Hell Bent fan)

What Thirteen was really missing was a deeply messed up relationship with Yaz. Where's My Toxic Yuri Chibnall.

What I'm trying to say is: The Doctor is a merciful and compassionate character who tries to do what they think is right, and what they think is right is usually the option that ends with only him getting hurt -- this does not mean that they are good.

And The Doctor and Charley, ohhhh boooooyyyyyyy there's a lot to unpack there that smarter people than me already have but just. Charley accepting death and being grateful to the Doctor for giving her these adventures and actively telling him to shoot her to save the universe. The Doctor refusing to shoot her because he can't accept her dying and choosing to essentially kill himself instead of her. AGhhhhhhhhOuGGGhhhhhhOWwwwwwWWWWWW-

Platonic "I love you"s. Mwah.

The bit where The Doctor tries to send Charley away to a party and hide the truth of the situation from her and she puts her foot down and chooses to go and confront the Time Lords using an old trick he taught her. Queen. Assert your agency. Don't take shit from him.

GOD I LOVE THE ANTI-TIME CONCEPT. I'm just really into ideas about primordial chaos and dream logic and paradoxical identities like "I exist but I never was" or "I am this person but I am also not this person", nom nom nom, I was eating so well this episode.

I also love me an Ancient Horror and Messed Up Rhymes or Chants That Forewarn Their Coming (see Nowhere King from Centaur World) so, again, I was eating SO well this episode.

Love characters who have no identity so they take it from other sources like fiction or the external environment. Delicious.

Moffat, Flux-Chibnall, and RTD-2 wish they were Neverland so bad.

Wait hang on. Could The Frog from "It Takes You Away" be Zagreus? I know the Solitrax is a different thing but it's such a similar concept that I'm just going to make that my personal crack headcannon now. You can't change my mind. There is no alternative. It's just too funny.

Sentris, upon The Doctor running off into the TARDIS and dematerialisting: Agh, just ignore the silly bugger, what could he possibly do now?

The Doctor, rematerialising the TARDIS around the Time Station: WHAT'S UP BIITCHESSSS-

A few minutes later:

Romana: The paradox has been resolved, thank goodness! The Web of Time is fixed, the future continues, and now I shall return to look after Gallifrey! Is there any advice you can give me, Matrix!Rassilon?

Rassilon: No, Romana. You know I cannot speak of the future.

Romana: Yes, of course, that makes perfect sense. And even if there *were* an impending catastrophe, I'm sure you'd warn me of it. Well, goodbye Rassilon! Thank you!

Rassilon: .....Okay boys, she's gone. Drop the Zagreus mixtape.

Charley: Doctor, what's wrong? Have you been injured or something?

Eight: Injured? No. I've not been injured. This TARDIS contained all of the Time Station when it exploded. This ship was filled to bursting with a great mass of the fierciest, fizzing, energy!

Charley: What?! Anti-Time!?

Eight: A crude term for such a matter of life - and death. But now that the breach is resolved, now that the problem of you is resolved, well, all that remains of that stuff in this whole reality is held in here.

Charley: What? In the TARDIS?

Zagreus: *Laughter*, oh, no no no. In here.

Voice of girl whose favourite things include "Strange case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde", "Another Twist", "The Fly" and "Penumbra: Black Plague";

Anyway, girl if your man starts talking in nursery rhymes and his voice becomes distorted that ain't your man that's Zagreus.

In conclusion: They were right. That Doctor sure could Become Zagreus. Wonder what bearing this will have on Hades II. Go listen to the Eighth Doctor's Main Range audios, they're all available on Spotify :gun:

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: Forget Me Not by Julie Soto

4.25/5. Releases 7/11/2023.

For when you're vibing with... a Julia Roberts-era romcom, wedding planner romance, gruff but swoonworthy, lovely heroes, and messy bitches who can't do emotion right.

Workaholic Ama has booked a celebrity wedding that will skyrocket her notoriety as a planner. The only problem? The florist is her ex, quiet, grumpy Elliot Bloom...who is none too happy to see her after she broke his heart. Determined to make the situation work, Ama and Elliot try to avoid one another as much as possible--but there's unfinished business between them, and it could push Ama to question everything she believed about herself.

Oh, this is a good one. Emotional and reminiscent of the 90s/early 2000s romcoms I love, this book wears it heart on its sleeve. The Reylos know how to do a romance novel, dude.

Quick Takes:

--I love a wedding backdrop for romantic stories, and this book milks it. It gave me My Best Friend's Wedding and The Wedding Planner energy; there's the high emotion that comes with wedding planning, plus the drama and the inherent wistfulness that occurs when you're not the bride but maybe, just maybe, you really want to be a bride. Forget Me Not nails that energy, and it's also just a lot of fun in that sense. Plus, I really believed that Ama loved her job, and that's kind of a lynchpin of the plot.

--Our leads were a great match. Like I said, Ama is all about work; whereas Elliot is very good at his job, but it's more about family legacy. She lives to work, whereas he works to live. It's a good conflict. But at the same time, they give each other something. She pushes him out of his shell, he gives her a safe place to land. They fuck like rabbits and hold each other sweetly. There's a real sense of "oh they are in looooove" in this book, and it made my heart warm.

--I mentioned this author is a Reylo. For me, that's not something I actively seek (I have nothing against the ship, I've read really good Reylo fic, I disagree with some interpretations of the ship and agree with other, darker takes, I love Adam Driver as an actor and Daisy Ridley does nothing for me--I'm very "middle of the road" on it) but I'm also happy to see it. And let me tell you, I could seeeee the "things we project onto Adam Driver as a man who wishes to not be perceived on the internet" vibe to Elliot, in the best way. He's shy in a way that comes off as stern, he's struck by Ama but doesn't know what the fuck to say, he'll put her on her hands and knees in his car and then, when he realizes she's been knowingly driving a car about to fall apart for months, glare at her and competently take care of it. God... he really does it. He does it. The competency, the suppressed emotion, the floral tattoos! Damn.

--I feel like Ama might be a heroine some don't respond well to, because she is unabashedly forthright about her wants and needs--or at least, what she thinks she wants and needs. At the same time, she clearly pushes for things with Elliot without being willing to follow through, sending him mixed signals. To me, she was extremely relatable and human. I love a commitment-phobic heroine, and I sure would love to see more of them. To me, both Ama and Elliot make mistakes in this novel, but never because they want to hurt each other. They're just... people.

--We have a classic romcom-type villain in this book, and that is something I personally love.

--I will say, the format is unusual--sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Ama's POV is largely in the present, nearly three years after she and Elliot broke up. Elliot's POV is largely in the past, during their relationship. The timeline for both eras is relatively short-ish, and you see a lot more of Elliot and Ama interacting romantically in the past than you do the present, because the present is about like... working towards a reunion. It's realistic, in a sense, because these two really just should be together and their conflicts are internal. But I did wish that we could've seen them interact a bit earlier in the novel, and it did take some getting used to. It's interesting, I just think there could've been a bit more flexibility in the structure. I will say, it did add to the MAX ANGST of the present in Ama's POV.

The Sex Stuff:

Oh, it's hot. We bemoan the state of sex in many traditionally published contemporaries at the moment, but this one is really sexy. I was pleasantly surprised by how their sexual relationship began--you don't see that vibe in a lot of contemporary trad romances. And Elliot is, again, kind of the ideal man: he's a lovely sweet baby who will fuck the absolute shit out of a woman. Also... they talk flowers during. Like, "recite these flowers until you come" kind of talk.

I'm excited to see what Julie Soto releases next, and honestly? I could totally see this as a movie. It's a really solid, truly romantic debut, and it did in fact... give me the feels.

Thanks to Netgalley and Forever for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[chim-chim1310]

I personally don't think you should dislike JK based on his perceived backstabbing of Jimin. We don't know what's the nature of their relationship behind the scenes, how much of the current trip is a professional enterprise and to what extent the other members are ok with JK. We simply don't know so I will not assume. Whether they are ok with it or whether they're not, we know BTS never really exposes any fractures to outsiders. Some people take the distance jikook have had during solo era as an indication of something, some people took his trip to NY as an indication of something else. That's why I'll say that without any real info, there's no way to know and we all know how private Jimin is so that info is probably not coming.

But I will dislike JK based on my personal standards. Not by what I assume but by what I can see and hear is happening. To some extent those standards came from being a BTS stan but I can't lie to myself about them just because they are the ones violating those standards today.

I don't agree with how he's conducted himself as an artist. I don't like the song, I don't like the fact that he's engaged in more payola than any other KPop artist ever, I don't like that he's sided himself with someone as vile as Scooter Braun, I don't like how his supposed debut song had no writing credits and no contributions from him, I don't like how even his debut is a collab, I don't like the fact that it's probably a collab because they're angling for a Grammy nom in the duo / groups category and because they thought an American artist would help for the Hot 100, I don't like the fact that he singlehandedly dismantled the legacy of BTS as an organic group, I don't like the thirst for western validation thats wafting off his promo schedule, I don't like the fact that an English album means he'll only have some token writing credits on it if any, I don't like how he's been given such an advantage over other members even though prior to solo era, Jimin's solo songs have consistently done better than JK's and Taehyung is more popular in numbers in most categories.

Hope that clears things up for anon.

I completely agree with all of this.

You're right. I'm also not hating on jungkook because he backstabbed jimin because we don't know jimin's reaction and we'll never know. I know jimin has good relationship with him but that doesn't mean that we will stop fighting for the way jimin was sabotaged and the way jk got everything. We can't forget all this just because jm f*cking smiled at jk.

They have known each other for 10 years. Situations like these must have come a lot in their life in such industry. But I don't think their friendship is that superficial that jm will drop him for that. But that's the case of their personal relationship. I don't care about that. I care about how jimin worked so hard but still got nothing and jk didn't contribute any creativity and still is getting everything.

I am mad about how he chose to play dirty tricks to get to the top. I mean he seriously listened to the song and was like "yeah this song spoke to me" Like it's a joke!

Wtf is monday, tuesday wednesday....... Is it a kids bop or something? He liked this song?! The lyrics were already trash at least they could've made it a bit more catchy. I didn't even listen to the song twice except for the fact that it's been shoved down my throat.

And just armies as usual are gobbling it up. "Oh my god jk talked about sex! A 26 year old man talked about sex! He said the word fuck, how hot is that!" Like what a bunch of idiots.

Jungkook himself said in his white day live said something like he knows that armies would support him even if he sometimes does bad, and that's where his confidence comes from. He said something like this. Like seriously?! If he was a sincere, hard working artist he would always give his all to give his fans a good song.

He chose to not work hard and use the easy way. Scooter is another b"tch like I despise that man. And yeah he needed a collab even for his debut song. Atleast that he should've done alone. God either he just doesn't trust his own talent or he's just not talented enough to carry it on his own.

But I don't think so. He released a song like 'Still with you'. Like come on. When he can release songs like that how come a song like seven spoke to him?!

Just shows that he knows this kind of song is perfect for the Western market and he just jumped on it and took everything scooter and bang pd gave him on a silver platter. How can someone respect him as an artist after this?

[dyclerc]

"..." Alvaro stopped whatever he's doing to Paulo. He stared blankly with a heavy gaze. Love? He never quite thought about that certain thing. He liked one-night stands but couldn't really commit to relationships.

So he poured some more wine. He really did not care if he had a game tomorrow; he couldn't think straight anyway. Now it was too fast. Paulo liked it.

"You didn't answer my question," he said, cut off by kisses. The taste of wine on his lips was quite pleasant. The fragrance of Paulo's intoxicating cologne enhances his beauty further.

The look on Paulo's face is truly beautiful. The rosy cheeks were stained with tears. Gosh, he even cried prettily. Maybe even Alvaro wasn't okay. In fact, nobody was. They were all messed up in some way.

Perhaps it was how sick Paulo could think and how they’d just laugh it off. Because, really, it was just between them. Nobody could understand them like they did with each other. Alvaro knew every little thing about Paulo, and so did Paulo.

"You're no good for me; you're no good for  me."Paulo panted; his gasps were music to Alvaro's ears. Too fast; he loved it. Pressing kisses on his neck, Alvaro was really 'busy.'

"You smell like cherries; that's new," Alvaro whispered softly, playing with Paulo's fingers. Paulo's hands were slightly smaller compared to Alvaro's. Alvaro liked that.

Paulo seemed to calm down a bit. Just letting Alvaro take control. Now they were both entangled in each other's warmth. The night was cold. Funny how it was still autumn.

"What's his name, was it Leandro?"

"Alvaro, it's not like that."

"Just some rumors I've heard—not everyone you sleep with means you love them," Alvaro whispered, and suddenly Paulo looked up, realizing one small little thing.

"Is that why you dodged the question?" Paulo asked, his gaze serious. He just wondered, Why didn't Alvaro answer him? The questions were eating him alive.

"What do you mean?" Alvaro chuckled. Pauli hated how careless Alvaro could be sometimes. How could he ignore everything and just laugh it off? But that's how they have always been. They have always done that. Maybe that's why they still care about each other.

Alvaro knew exactly what Paulo meant; he’d always know what he meant. They understood each other better than anyone else.

"You know very well."

Paulo was so afraid. He was afraid that he was just a fuck buddy to Alvaro. Just someone to take it out on whenever he felt awful.

Alvaro looked at him, his eyes meeting Paulo's curious ones. Then suddenly, Alvaro kissed Paulo one last time. The kiss was slow and patient. It wasn't like any of their kisses. It wasn't rushed.

"Since the summer of '09," Alvaro breathed, his fingers caressing Paulo's. "What?"

"I've loved you since the summer of '09," Alvaro confessed. God, it felt like an eternity to say. Finally, he got it out of his chest. He felt calm, as if he had nothing to be afraid of, as if he were free from it all.

It took him 13 summers to acknowledge his ever-hopeless feelings. 13 summers. 8 words. One sentence.

"I love you the first time; I love you the last time." And Paulo just hopes that it truly lasts an eternity. He hopes that it won't be like any other passionate night they've shared together. He hopes that Alvaro won't forget about it the morning after. He just hopes that Alvaro doesn't shatter his poor heart again.

Omg 😭😭😭😭 I'm crying

I'm so in love I just need an entire series now 😂😅 the details are so perfect I love this so much!!! Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️

[spinningintheshadows]

290 Song Lyric Prompts

This is months of work, FIVE different "Volumes" (Playlists). I have combined all of my previous Song Lyric Prompts into one post, one list. I hope you enjoy. They are separated by Volume because tumblr yelled at me :)

Playlists:

[Volume One]

[Volume Two]

[Volume Three]

[Volume Four]

[Volume Five]

Volume One

 “Drive this car through the drive thru please”

“Dirty laundry looks good on you”

 “Where’s the dotted line at?”

 “Are there windows in heaven?”

 “Bought you a twelve pack, promised you sushi”

 “I want to take you to a gay bar”

 “I’m in love with the girl I hate”

 “It’s been a while since I’ve felt butterflies”

 “One day you’ll know who you want to be”

 “You ain’t nothing but a prick”

 “You’re not in love with me”

 “I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day”

 “On second thought, forget it, that one turns out kind of cool”

 “Honey, I’ve got real bad news”

 “I heard that rock is dead and cellphones give you cancer”

 “It will be worth it, everything you went through”

 “They’ve never drove through Indiana”

 “You’re my song, my sweet home Alabama”

 “You’ve got so many options, every fish in the sea wants to kiss you”

 “Relationships, I don’t know why, they never work out and they make you cry but the guy who says goodbye to you is out of his mind”

 “My family is dysfunctional but we have a good time killing each other”

 “I fell in love in the back of a cop car”

 “You don’t have to worry”

 “I’m still having nightmares”

 “I flashback to the night in your parents yard when we drank too much and we talked about God”

 “We’re gonna make it if takes all night”

 “She’s my kind of crazy”

 “Who says you can’t go home?”

“Fist fights turn into sex, I wonder what comes next?”

 “If I were a boomerang, I’d turn around and come back to you”

 “It’ll still be two days till I say I’m sorry”

 “Remember when you broke your foot jumping out the second floor?”

 “There’s room for two, six feet under the stars”

 “Oh god, I did the wrong thing to the right girl”

 “When it comes to condoms, put two on”

 “I won’t give up on us”

 “I’m a bit too pop for punk kids, but I’m too punk for the pop kids”

 “We don’t have trouble sleeping”

 “Daddy’s little girl knows how to party”

 “A days worth of bitching goes down the drain when you lay in my bed and pick my brain.

 “Wrong name, my mistake”

42. “Being us feels good to us”

 “It’s not high school, man, you graduated six years ago”

 “A few drinks in, here I go missing you again”

 “There’s something about the way our bedsheets turn religion upside down”

 “And I’ve made mistakes, but you were not one”

 “I swear to god, I never fall in love”

 “I miss the way you breathe, the way you twitch in your sleep. Your smile, your straight teeth and the scars along on your cheeks”

 “When you talk, its in cursive to me. And it’s nicer than anything I’d ever believe about me”

 “I don’t mind if you fuck up my life”

 “Make a man feel rich on minimum wage”

 “You broke my heart and all I got was this t shirt”

 “You ask “When did I first know?” I always knew”

 “You’re kind of hipster, I grew up on punk rock”

 “Made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter”

 “And all my friends don’t give a fuck”

 “We’ll talk about how your parents separated and how you don’t want to make the same mistakes as them”

 “Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything?”

 “Leave your sorrys, grab your car keys.”

 “I’d unfuck you if I could”

 “You say you love me, I know you love me. Love that you love me, baby”

 “I lose my voice when I look at you, can’t make a noise though I’m trying to”

 “Now with my eyes wide open, it’s heaven in your arms”

 “I know that you’re in pain but if we die at the same time does it still scare you?”

 “I can make you laugh ‘til you cry, but she can make your tears dry”

 “I hope a heart only breaks this bad once in a lifetime”

 “I didn't call you back because I was learning to dance”

 “Sometimes I just want to tell you about my day”

 “Yes my fucking nails are painted, what you think I didn’t know?”

 “Mama tried to raise me right, but she couldn’t raise the hell out of me”

 “Dancing in the dark ‘til the sun comes, tangled in the sheets ‘til the days done”

 “I take a drink ‘cause the truth is hard to swallow”

 “Big heads up, that’s a really stupid plan”

 “We used to kiss all night, now it’s just a bar fight”

 “What’s the point of going out when you could just give me a call”

 “I didn’t know I was broken until I wanted to change”

 “We have something worth remembering”

 “I fell in love with the girl at the rock show”

 “And I just can’t stop thinking of you, wherever you are"

"I never wanna leave this sunset town

Volume Two

“Do you ever get a little bit tired of life?”

“Will you even look back when you think of me?”

“Somebody’s gonna love you. Take all the dark, turn it to light and paint you sky blue”

“They’re judging me, I’m judging you, we ain’t got nothing else to do”

“Don’t wake me up in the middle of the night, because I finally found you”

“I lose my voice when I look at you, can’t make a noise though I’m trying to tell you all the right words”

“If all it is is eight letters, why am I in my own way?”

“If I said I want your body, would you hold it against me?”

“They say don’t go to bed angry but I guess that’s where we are”

“Things you take for granted when you grow up by the beach”

“Go on then, love, and show me your heart, ‘cause you are enough as you are and I’m awestruck”

“Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything, or do you just not want to?”

“Welcome to the world that we live in. A perfect collision, it’s beat down, it’s broken, it’s bright. Welcome to happiness, sadness, to love and to madness”

“I always hear you on the background laughing, you know I hate it when you’re not around”

“These days you’ve been stuck in my brain, wanna play you over and over again”

“Secrets don’t make friends. We make love and love falls apart”

“Tell me you’re okay, yeah what’s that like? Rose tinted glasses, it must be nice. Doing your best while you die inside”

“I’m happy to see the happy back in your eyes”

“You make it hard to miss this hometown”

“A bad boy seems like a good idea until it’s too late”

“Couldn’t keep running, had to hit rock bottom to know”

“I wanna get back to where we started, to the summer night. You know, you know, you know, you know we got it right”

“I realized you are destined and meant to be mine”

“Keep switching your alibi, stuttering when you reply”

“But fuck, I’m so alone, and really need some help”

“We’re dancing on the edge of anxiety’s ledge and I might fall again”

“If we’re said and done, I know that I shouldn’t say that I still care but I still care”

“I haven’t slept in days but who’s counting”

“So I drown it out like I always do, dancing through our house with the ghost of you”

“Too many bottles of wine, can’t get my ducks in a row”

“Got me panicking, manic, and I can’t get no sleep”

“I’ve got a feeling I don’t get a grip I will slip and fall completely under”

“Some days you start singing’ and you don’t need a reason”

“I need a little more luck than a little bit, cause every time I get stuck the words won’t fit”

“Must be the music that’s got me shaking like an addict”

“I bite my tongue so you don’t hear me”

“I’d unfuck you if I could”

“Here’s to now and nothing else, in the crowd all by yourself. To the hellos and the goodbyes, the lows and every high. In this moment I could die with you.”

“Just watch from a safe place so I never have to lose”

“I don’t really understand this life and why we’re all here.”

“If you need me now, I’ll be there somehow”

“I’m so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere”

“Let’s see how far I’ll go now that I’ve lost control”

“If I could go back and erase you from my mind, I’d do it in a second”

“I was so scared of losing you, so I lost myself instead”

“I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.”

“Your heart belongs to someone else and I’m always here to keep you company”

“You say you’re sorry and you want us to fix what’s wrong, but I’d rather dye all my insides blonde”

“These last two years were the worst of my life”

“So hold on tight it’s a fast ride in the end”

Volume Three

“If I knew from the start would it change a thing?”

“You don’t have the time to not make time”

“There’ll be happiness after you but there was happiness because of you”

“You used to make me feel like I could walk on water but now most nights I’m just sinking”

“So go to hell and tell the devil I’m not that far behind”

“I’m trying to keep from going insane, ain’t that the way of this whole damn thing”

“For a minute, I was stone cold sober”

“I wish I could still call you friend”

“I know I deserve what you’re putting me through”

“I’ve been trying hard not lose my breath ever since you left”

“Where did you lose your happiness?”

“You’re the thing that I can’t quit”

“Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat”

“Tell me it’s okay to be happy now”

“I was born but I wasn’t raised”

“I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again”

“Five best friends on four bald tires”

“Even if I knew you’d be the one that got away, I’d still go back and get you”

“Tell me who you were falling for when we were lying on the floor”

“All the greats die young, that’s probably why I’m still alive”

“I never thought we’d make it out”

“I wish we could live here all the time”

“I know that you’re in pain but if we die at the same time, does it still scare you”

“I don’t want to leave this bar until I get your number”

“All that I know is that I just can’t say no to you, funny how things never change”

“I was young and horny.”

“I’d kill for one more way to tell you how you make me better every day”

“How did we end up talking in the first place”

“The weight of the world’s getting harder to hold up”

“There’s a lot more color in the mix when you’re loud and proud out in the sticks”

“Faking smiles and confidence”

“Fight the break of dawn, come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be gone”

“Why do I get myself into something I’m not ready for”

“I’d be lying if I tried telling you that you’re not everything that I want”

“It’s bittersweet I can still count on you for something”

“I see you when I close my eyes. I see you like I did that night”

“Tomorrow isn’t promised if the planet falls apart”

“If we get sober, we’ll never get old until we die”

“The tears from your eyes are leaving stains on your shirt, man”

“I ignore all the warning signs, fall for you every time”

“If I think you’re for real, I’m in denial”

“I’m just trying not to lose my shit this time”

“You don’t want to be friends, you’re just horny and fucked up at two am in the morning”

“I’m still young, wasting my youth. I’ll grow up next summer”

“With a full moon and a shitty mood”

“Everything gets fuzzy when you come around”

“I’ll be fine even though I’m not always right”

“We haven’t got time to be putting out fires we didn’t start”

“When you touch me I know there is purpose in my life”

“Maybe someone will save us before we drown”

Volume Four

“Playing fiction in a parking lot, anything to be more than an afterthought”

“Yeah, that’s good to know, wish I knew three years ago”

“I watched you fall away, evade accountability”

“Was I a fool for ever thinking I could get you to stay?”

“If I wake up and I’m still breathing, meet me where the sidewalk ends” 

“Today I called to tell you that I’m changing but I don’t think you have enough respect to see me try”

“Don’t you ever dare call me Vanilla”

“I read your letter, the one you left when you broke into my house”

“Leave it to me to fuck it up without a good reason.” 

“I’m not scared to jump if you want to”

“I’ll keep my secrets inside of my mind, promise I loved you but you roll your eyes”

“Got this bloodstain on my shirt, looking back it doesn’t hurt”

“I don’t mind sleeping all alone, but I’d rather wake up next to you” 

 “I’m always the outcast, I’ll take the blame. The first night you met me, you forgot my name”

 “Like bullets inside my head, you’re drivin’ me insane but there ain’t nothing I would change”

 “I’m at the same dead end, the lonely space in my head”

 “Now we’re at the part where you’ll hate what you see, what the fuck is wrong with me?”

“We’ve got this thing and it’s untouchable. It’s so dirty, pretty, beautiful” 

 “I’m a first class ticket to a fistfight, took a hit to the ribs but I feel just fine.”

“Is this butterflies or nausea? I can’t tell the difference anymore”

 “Tell me what it’s like to be loved by you”

“Baby, I can tell you ain’t easily impressed”

“Like weeds through the concrete cracks, and the flowers by the railroad tracks”

“It’s only been a couple of days and I miss you”

“When you change your mind, I’ll be waiting”

“I only miss you at midnight”

“Remember when you hit the brakes too soon, twenty stitches in a hospital room”

“Mama tried to raise me right but she couldn’t raise the hell out of me”

“So let’s take it back to the basics ‘cause let’s face it, I am on my own”

 “You’d never remember me when you’re pulling on his jeans”

 “I’m over wasting time in life trying to be something I’m not”

 “There’s only one place I wanna be” 

 “Deep dive off the coast of my feelings”

 “I’m glad to say this chapters about to end”

 “And when you touch me like that I get a little attached”

 “I’m single in September when I didn’t want to be”

 “I’m at best your second option”

 “Redefine rock bottom with these empty orange bottles”

 “A sloppy drunk obsessed with his juul”

“The things I’ve learned from a broken mirror, how a face can change when the heart knows fear”

 “I can’t forget the way you looked without your jeans on”

“I’ma treat you right tonight, let’s make it last forever”

“Pushed out of the family tree”

“Guess I think too much, maybe I’m obsessed with universal things like money love and death”

“You love who you love, ain’t nothing you should ever be ashamed of”

“With the boombox blaring as we’re falling in love”

 “I go back to the loss of a real good friend, and the sixteen summers I spent with him”

“There’s a noise complaint from room 304”

“Just shut up and drink your diet soda”

“We had to learn the hard way”

 “All You ever wanted was a part of me that I couldn’t fake”

“Love’s got a funny way of keepin’ score”

 “If the world ends, I hope I’m in my living room with my best friends”

“Baby blue eyes, stay with me by my side ‘til the mornin”

 “I’ll have you know, I’m scared to death”

“Tell yourself it’s never gonna happen again”

     “All the times you said you hate me, baby, I know what it feels like now. Damn it, I’m sorry”

“I would have married you in Vegas had you given me the chance to say I Do”

“Oh well, guess I’ll see you in hell”

“I got one thing to say and that’s thanks for nothing, kiss my ass”

Volume Five

 “Wide awake but it just feels wrong”

“We can fuck about it later if you want”

“I was fighting for my life eight months ago”

“Don’t be fooled, I’m only letting you down”

“Let’s run free and carry on, like we did when we were young”

“But I’m headstrong and stubborn and stuck in my ways”

“I wanna wake up with you and I, I wish we could live here all of the time.”

“I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it”

“I have this thing where I get older but never get wiser”

“I picked the petals, he loves me not”

“There’s always gonna be that one forever thing attached to you and me”

“Moving on isn’t something I regret, but it hard to forget” 

“I don’t want to waste my life without you baby”

“As memories fade, nothing’s the same, guess I better act my age” 

“You’re either with us or you can keep it to yourself”

“They say bad things happen for a reason”

“This could be the end of everything”

“Love me for who I am and who I’m gonna be”

“When we were still changing for the better”

“I’d tell you that I’m scared of turning out a failure”

“It’s safe to say I knew it, yeah, I knew it all along” 

“You can do just what you like tonight”

“Memories I hold to keep safe, and I live for that look on your face”

“Go ahead and take life’s lemons, you can mix them with some top shelf”

“Now we’re at the part where you’ll hate what you see.”

“I’ll go through the walls and kick down doors” 

“I even hate my favorite band, all because of you.”

“You make me feel like  1990 something”

“There’s nothing but broken streetlights, and I’m just trying to escape”

“I know I shouldn’t tell you” 

“Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?”

“Don’t you go and carry on with your life”

“So go to hell and tell the Devil I’m not that far behind” 

“Sex and white lies, handcuffs and alibis”

“So pour me another and kiss me like there’s no tomorrow” 

“Spare me just three last words”

“I still don’t know when I can come home, but I promised I would try”

“I barely know her but she starts to give me butterflies”

“She said she wants me for a lifetime”

“Guess I’m getting used to sleepless nights”

“You look pretty with my heart in the palm of your hand” 

“I thought this was as bad as it gets but I was wrong”

“You don’t wanna love me right now, ‘cause baby, I don’t even like me” 

“Lying isn’t me, so I’ll just be completely honest” 

“This shit should be a sin”

“Part of me’s a saint, but I’ll be a sinner”

“I miss you in the mornings when I see the sun”

“Now those songs we used to sing are just songs I can’t sing anymore”

“I would do anything, anything for you”

“I’d drive her anywhere from here to California” 

[bluecookies02]

When they make you cry

pairings: Hawks x Reader, Dabi x Reader, Bakugou x Reader, Aizawa x Reader, Izuku x Reader, Tamaki x Reader

Tamaki, Bakugou and Hawks are in a female!reader perspective, the rest of them are Gender Neutral

warnings: angst to fluff

masterlist

Hawks will get cocky, laughing in your face when he sees your shocked expression.

Both of you were going at each others throats, spitting insults to one another, just your recent daily routine.

Now Hawks knew you were a tough gal, which in his head made it alright for him to strike a really painful nerve into your chest.

As you remained speechless he turned around, a winning smirk plastered on his lips.

Just as he took a few steps forward, sobs wrecked your body as you hid your face in your hands.

"I d-don't think I can take this anymore Keigo" your broken voice reached his ears.

A pang of guilt pierced his chest once he turned around to face you.

He did this. He made you cry. He completely drained your happiness out. He hurt you.

His teeth dug into his lip, his eyes stinging as tears picked at them.

At that point, he didn't give two shits about who's right and who's wrong, his arms reaching for you and wrapping themselves around your shaking form.

He held you there for a while, listening to your cries that gradually turned into soft sniffles against his chest.

"I-" He opens his mouth but his words remained stuck at his throat.

"I don't want us to end..." you mumbled, your own words throwing you into another sobbing fit.

"We won't end here kid, I've got you...shit...I'm a fucking idiot...of course we won't end sweetheart...c'mon look at me" he raised your chin up gently, looking into your red eyes.

"I'm sorry, fuck I'm sorry...not just for today, for every day before this, I-, God... don't leave kid, p-please"

You stared at his face, tears now streaming down his cheeks as his grip on you tightened.

You swallow the lump in your throat, grabbing his hands in yours.

"Something has to change Keigo...I miss you...we've been distant for months. Sometimes you don't even come home to me, do you know how that feels?"

"I know, I know, I swear... I miss you too. I'll tell you about everything I promise. Let's go home please."

You hesitantly nod, putting your heart on the line for the last time.

And now looking back, you're glad you did.

//quirk: flesh manipulation (the reader can manipulate the molecules in a person's flesh just by touching it, making them useful mid-battle to make the other heroes ready to fight again in a matter of seconds, but also making them a threat to their enemies )

If there was one thing he despised about you, it was your guts.

Hell curse him for falling in love with someone so stubborn.

To live through a relationship with Dabi meant that you had to have though skin. You had to be strong enough to bite your cheeks and endure the issues that people in regular relationships never face.

He enters your home, covered in bruises and cuts, asking for your first aid kit.

You sigh to yourself, your usual nagging and yelling never reaching his ears.

You place the first aid kit onto your bedside table, turning your back to him, tiredly walking out of the room.

"Hey-" his voice calls out to you, quiet and confused.

You close the door behind you, making your way to your couch.

One of these days it'll be the last time he walks into your home, the last time you help him clean his cuts and the last time you hear his voice.

The weight of uncertainty pulls at your chest harder with every passing day.

He chose to continue living like this, he is the one that keeps ruining his own life, it's his ambitions that are making you this miserable.

Once he patches himself up, he sits on your bed for a while. Your silance meaning one thing and one thing only. You finally realized how pointless being with him is, you finally got it through your thick skull that he's nothing special to dwell about.

Time passes by quickly, a few hours already gone yet he's still glued to the same spot, not having the strength to leave your room, too scared to face your rejection once he gets out.

He should be happy for you, you won't be hurting anymore, you'll be able to find someone better.

He slowly twists the knob, taking slow steps through your living room.

You are laying on your couch, tear stains on your face and a tissue crumbled in your hand.

His chest tightenes at the sight. You cried yourself to sleep. He wonders... how many times did you cry over him? How many times would you just lay here as he carelessly roamed the streets?

He should leave...he should spare you the pain he brings. You were the only good thing in his life and by continuing this he'll ruin you, piece by piece.

You showed nothing but kindness to him, you made him realize that some people are worth getting close to, you being a hero also making his resolves shake under his feet.

He stretched his arm out to your cheek, careful not to wake you up.

He left a soft kiss to your temple before leaving your house.

-----

You woke up to a persistent ring of your doorbell.

You felt terrible...your hair was a mess, your nose was all clogged up and your eyes burned from all the crying.

You opened your door with annoyance, mad at whoever decided to burst your sadness bubble.

"Hey doll, I would've let myself in but my hands are kinda busy"

Your boyfriend stood there with a backpack on his shoulder and a carton box in his hands.

"So...do you happen to have a room to spare for a year or two...maybe three?"

You stare in disbelief your hand covering your mouth.

"I know that me being a villain might be a setback but...I got some hair dye? I might even consider letting you fix my jigsaw face."

Your body crashed into his, the box dropping to the ground as you squeezed your arms around him.

Maybe he can make you as happy as you make him.

You knew he was rough around the edges, but you never even imagined that you would be the one his rage would be directed at.

As soon as insults came crashing your way you left the room.

You were just trying to calm him down, placing your hand on his shoulder as you urged him to stop shouting and just let it go.

His rough hands grabbed yours, throwing your hand away like you were a mere fly, his quirk burning your skin.

You tried calling out to him just for him to snap around and scream at you.

Once you reached your dorm tears freely rolled down your cheeks.

You yearned for a normal relationship, longed for some peace and quiet just for a week or two.

Yet you just couldn't let the blonde go, always hoping for some miracle to come your way and take ahold of his ego.

--------

It's around 2 am and he can't fall asleep for the hell of it.

You're not picking up his calls nor answering his texts and you've been inactive on social media for hours.

Kirishima has been urging him to go to your dorm for two hours already, spamming him massages about him not being manly enough to win you back.

It's not like he doesn't want to, he just has no idea how to. Should he get you something? Get you some food and flowers? Where the fuck can he find all these things at 2 am? Isn't that how people in movies apologize or something...

He hates when you're mad at him, he is scared shitless of actually scaring you off and pushing you away.

A knock at your door snaps you out of your thoughts and a small flame of hope warms your heart for a split second as you make your way to your door.

He's holding a gray hoodie and a pair of bento boxes.

"That's not gonna fix it Katsuki."

"I know shitty woman you didn't even give me a chance to speak!"

You're sure that that's the first time Bakugou said the word "sorry" in his whole life.

The way it rolled off his tongue was shaky but somewhat determined, his hand grabbing ahold of yours gently.

Guilt was evident on his face as he stroked the bandages covering your hands.

"It's not that bad Katsu, and I understand that it was an accident." you mumbled trying to pull from his grip so he can focus on something else.

He grabbed ahold of your wrists, bringing your palms to his lips.

"I'll work on it, I promise. It'll never happen again. I mean it." you just give a soft nod, leading him to the table.

"Good. Now let's eat, breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" you cheered, opening the bentos and stuffing your mouth with rice.

"Y/N...it's 4 am."

"Exactly, now eat, you're not gonna let me eat all of this by myself?!"

For this man, it was close to impossible to make his s/o cry.

He cherishes the relationship he has with you, making you feel special every single day at a time.

So when he sees you crying, he's confused and alarmed.

He reaches for you, trying his best to give you the comfort he thinks you need.

When you push his hands away and scream at him...Oh boy...

He's terrified.

Did he do something? Did he forget your anniversary? Your birthday? Did he eat your snack from the fridge??

You're pulling at the strands of your hair, your head buried into your knees as you sob.

He looks around, eyes widening when he sees a photo of himself and some girl kissing on the screen of your phone.

He wasn't there? He has proof! He was in a meeting! All of his colleagues could confirm that, he just needs you to listen! Please listen to him.

He's talking...blabbering...begging for you to just look at him.

As soon as you look up for a split second, he's hugging you, smothering your face in kisses as you weakly try to push him away.

Finally he leans his forehead against yours, letting out a long sigh of relief when he realizes that you're not crying anymore.

"Please Shouta, please, if you even have any respect for me, don't lie to me." you mumble out coldly, turning your head from him.

"Y/N, I would never, ever do that to you! Never! I love you so much, please, you have to know that, you do know that!"

You're too stubborn, but he calls all of his colleges one by one, putting them on speaker for you, asking about the time of the meeting or details of the meeting and they all have the same answer.

So now, your throat is dry and there's a lump in your throat, guilt eating at you as you try to apologize.

He couldn't give two shits about any of that, all he has to know is that you're okay and that you're still his.

He's not letting you go for the rest of the day, you're wrapped under the blankets with him as he makes sure you never believe the bullshit you see online.

"Sweetheart if I ever cheat on you, that's the day I cut my own dick off and bleed to death."

It makes you giggle and then laugh hysterically and he's just looking at you with the biggest heart eyes 🥺

Izuku would never do anything to make you cry.

He pays attention to every single detail in your relationship and he especially pays attention to your feelings.

What he is really bad at, is taking care of himself.

He doesn't take in consideration how you feel when he comes home all stitched up and tired, or how he stays up late to train and push himself further than his body can take.

However one day, he is exhausted from his training and he barely has any strength left. His phone rings and he is rushing out the door, already panting.

You don't reach him in time to stop him, so here you are, hours later next to his hospital bed.

The villain wasn't too powerful, but his state caused him to pass out in the middle of the bettle field.

As soon as he wakes up, you're yelling at him, but at the same time sobbing against his chest.

"I can't just stand here and watch you hurt yourself Zuku... I can't, I can't, I can't....O-one of these days you're just gonna slip away from my hands, I can't. Please" You're grip on him softens as you loose the strength in your hands.

His arms wrap themselves around you, trying his best not to flinch as you rub against his bandages.

His eyes are watering, realization dawning on him as he holds your tired body against him.

You're right...He sees the state of himself after a lowlife villain with a pathetic quirk sent him into the hospital. He doesn't even want to think about what would've happened if there was someone much stronger out there.

"Hey Y/N...I-...I might take a week off, to rest yeah? Does that sound good?"

You nod, wiping away the tears as you sniffle.

"And you won't be training at night anymore. And you won't be staying up late!" you scold as he rubs your cheeks.

"I won't. I promise." he places a kiss at your temple, pulling you onto the hospital bed next to him.

"Let's sleep for a bit yeah? I might owe you a few hours..."

You're crying, he's crying.

He's down on one knee and he's stuttering, his hands shaking as he hears you cry out a happy "Yes".

He barely gets the ring on your finger, burying his head into your neck as soon as he gets to his feet.

You always thought that he was going to propose to you at home, maybe some homecooked dinner with roses and candles. You didn't mind that option either.

You were surprised that he even suggested a walk in the park.

I mean, it was a really small park with little to no people in the area but it was beautiful nonetheless.

You're all giddy and happy as he takes your hand in his, his eyes always glancing at the ring on your finger.

Once you spot an ice cream stand you leap in happiness, rushing to get ice cream for the both of you.

The lady selling it smiles brightly at you.

"Is that the lucky guy?" you nod grabbing your icecream as Tamaki hides behind you.

"Good job sweetheart, you're making this lady very happy, I can feel it in my old bones" you laugh at her remark as you nudge Tamaki forward.

She hands him his ice cream and winks at him.

He's blushing and thanking the lady before running off to an empty bench.

”He’s a lil’ shy but he's got the spirit” you say to the lady as you rush off to get him.

You take the time to really study the ring, the beautiful blue crystal shining in the sun.

”I...I hope you l-like it...Nejire helped me out. Uhm I probably shouldn't have said that...S-she-"

"I like it Tama...I love it actually" you place a gentle kiss just at the corner of his lips, his hands grabbing your cheeks and kissing you deeply in return.

His cheeks are warm and his lips are slow against yours but you melt against him, letting him place you in his lap.

"Oh my God, I have a fiancé, oh my God, I have to call Mirio and tell him you said yes. You said yes, right?"

You laugh as you shake your head at him, playing with his hair as he fumbles with his phone.

All of the pictures are from the original anime/manga (please do correct me if I'm wrong in the comments below)

The Tamaki one has no angst in it because I had to heal from all of the emotional rollercosters.

___________

requests:closed

commissions:open

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[beomglocks]

happy (very) 'belated' father’s day

summary : the only father willing to come to the dinner

pairing : dilf neighbor!soobin x (legal)!reader x beomgyu (?)

warnings & other: i wrote the day after fathers day, the title is edited bc im posting this like WAY later LOL, threesome (?), degradation, some beomgyu (no incest), sub!beomgyu if you squint like really fucking hard, definitely not a normal relationship, slight exhibitionism, some possessiveness, DON’T read if you’re uncomfortable with age gaps, edit: REwriting this, this one is for the dilf soobin stans, eat up, don't say i don't feed yall, enjoy <3, kind of proofread

w/c : ~4k

you realize it now.

after living side by side with mr. choi soobin and his son, beomgyu, for a couple of weeks, you’ve started to realize something quite interesting.

1. your mother has a liking for tall lean men.

2. she also has a liking for trying to set you up with the tall lean mens’ son.

now, you wouldn't say you're exactly opposed to getting close to beomgyu. he's conventionally attractive and he seems like a nice boy but you're very much more attracted to the one who created him. it made sense after all.

"give these to mr. choi for me?" your mother all but shoves the roses and chocolates in your arms. you look down quizzically at such gifts. "it's not valentine's day.." you trail off.

you have a strange feeling that soobin would be put off by such acts, not seeming to be as out there as your mother. she doesn't care.

"it's fathers day..well it was...yesterday," she shrugs, fixing her bombshell red lipstick. why was she doing herself up? well a certain mr. choi was coming over.

despite the fact that your own father was out of the picture, that didn't stop your mom from wanting to celebrate every holiday in existence. unfortunately, the only willing father in town to partake in your mother's antics was mr. choi.

he liked to rile her up, you notice. soobin liked to toy with your mother's clear affection towards him, just as he did you. he also liked to throw it in your face sometimes. you didn't say what you observed but you knew he liked to make her feel wanted by a much younger, much more handsome man.

without another word, you decide to give the outlandish gifts to your neighbor. you sigh, looking down at the gifts. some assorted chocolates, nice flower arrangements, and what seems to be a sealed note? you want to roll your eyes but a part of you wonders if soobin would really like these kinds of things.

when you get to the door and ring the bell, the door swings open and there's stands the man himself. he's more put together than you at the moment so you feel out of place even at the front step of his house.

"always a pleasant surprise~" he smiles. his eyes trail down to the gifts in your arms. "for me?" his eyes grow wide and his pouty lips, the ones which you suddenly can't stop staring at since they seemed to be stained cherry red, lay slightly agape.

"from my mom," you deadpan, holding the gifts out. "she's generous~" "overbearing," you correct. "we seem to have different views then," he shrugs. "where's my gift from you though? this can't be all," he ponders in faux thought.

you smile shyly, looking down in embarrassment. "what did you get me baby?" he teasingly leans down closer to you to properly see your face. "could it be perhaps-"

before soobin can place a hand on you, beomgyu comes from downstairs. he's looking sharp, which suits him a lot, you admit. his hair is parted, giving you a teasing view of his forehead. regardless of the fact that he's wearing casual clothes, a stark contrast from his father who dawns an all black attire, beomgyu still manages to make it work for him.

"we'll be seeing you at the dinner," soobin clears his throat, noticing your apparent staring at his son. you can tell that he feels off put by your slight attraction to beomgyu. however small or minuscule it may be its still there to him.

the dinner goes almost exactly how you thought it would. soobin and your mother hit it off, talking about whatever they could to distract themselves from their children for a while. to your surprise soobin barely interacts with you. he seems too occupied with entertaining your mom to pay you any mind.

you're not sure why but this bothers you. beomgyu is occupied in the bathroom at the moment so you can't help but glance in their direction every couple of seconds. your mom is currently leaning against soobin's broad shoulder, laughing at something he's previously said. so he’s a comedian.

you watch as he looks down at her with a satisfied smile on his face. you bite the inside on your cheek and as if on cue, soobin looks up in your direction and smirks. it's almost as if he's taunting you. you bite down harder until you taste something metallic in your mouth.

you're not sure where this feeling of jealously is coming from and you know it's not healthy but you can't help it. maybe you've gotten too attached to your older neighbor in these past couple of weeks.

beomgyu comes out of the restroom with a sigh, walking back into the living room where you are. he can feel a weird tension in your general area but decides not to comment on it. suddenly you stand up, catching beomgyu off guard.

"come on beomgyu!" you say loud enough for everyone to hear especially soobin. the man in question practically pauses in speech midway to look over at you and his son. he eyes you both, mainly giving you a glare that will be engraved in your mind but you don't care. he needs a taste of his own medicine.

"come on let's go to my room, i need to show you something~" you urge him along. meanwhile, you say those words while staring straight at soobin. you hear your mom assure him that it's ok, "the kids are doing their own thing." you knew you were being childish and petty but if soobin wanted to fuck around with you this is what he would have to deal with as well.

you drag beomgyu along to your room who seems quite eager to be in this position. all he knows is that there's a weird tension between you and his father but that's as far as his knowledge goes.

when you both arrive at your room you close the door behind you and lean back on it. "is everything alright?" beomgyu hesitantly asks. you sigh, ushering him along to sit on the bed with you. he looks around subtly at all the little items in your room. everything seems to reflect you well, in his opinion. "well.." you try to stall.

you look up at him through your lashes. "you like me right?" beomgyu stares at you with wide eyes, "i-i mean yeah?" he stutters at your boldness.

"then lets try something," you smile at him, casually pulling your shirt over your head. "let's see how long it takes for your dad to come see us in this position," you say to yourself.

soobin doesn't need to be a rocket scientist to know what's going on here. he knows you're being a brat on purpose but he doesn't care because it makes it all the more fun. he will say he's surprised that you're using beomgyu, his own son, to get to him.

at first, he was getting annoyed with how you seemed to take a liking for his son which is why he wanted to rile you up by seeming extra interested in whatever your mom had to say. now, however, he knew he had a plan for that. you were not going to outsmart him, he wouldn't allow it and he would just have to put you in your place.

"excuse me but i need to use your restroom," soobin makes up a bullshit excuse to get to where you are. "oh of course!" your mom nods at him, instructing him towards the one upstairs. perfect.

"ill just finish up the dinner then!" your mother offers. "great that's enough time to put this slut in her place," he thinks. he smiles at your mom heading for upstairs.

"beomgyu you look like you just saw a ghost," you chuckle lightly, looking down at him. "y/n," he groans at the sight of only seeing you in your bra. he reaches up to grab your breasts, fondling them as delicately as possible. "you can be rough," you offer.

without even bothering to knock on the door, soobin opens it to see you both on the bed in a lewd position. you shirtless on top of beomgyu. he sucks his teeth when you both look back in alarm at the door being burst open. "y/n," he chuckles, almost sadistically.

you can already see the look in his eyes and suddenly you feel bad for not only yourself but beomgyu as well. you try to subtly grab your shirt again in shame but soobin's glare stops you. "what do you think you're doing little slut?" he folds his arms over his chest. not even caring that beomgyu is in the room, he walks over to you and grabs your hair causing you to yelp in surprise.

"s-sir.." soobin narrows his eyes at you then they flit over to beomgyu. "sit over there," he motions to the beanbag in the corner of the room. "i want you to learn something from this." without another word, beomgyu scrambles over to the seat, his heart beating in fear and excitement strangely.

you feel heat rising up your neck and to your cheeks as well as your dripping pussy. "don't be embarrassed, im sure this was your plan all along," soobin tsks, shoving your face down into the sheets. you breathe out when he rips the skirt and underwear from your body without a second thought. the racy thong that was supposed to be his surprise for father's day discarded in a second.

"soobin-" a smack to your ass. "that's not my name."

he doesn't even give you a chance to correct yourself, messing with your sticky juices before entering his cold fingers into your hole. you try to stifle your moan by burying your head further into the sheets.

"god you're so wet," soobin comments. he slowly moves his finger in and out for a while, practically torturing you with how meticulous and slow he's being. "please," you whine pathetically. "please what?" he slows his movements to stare at you with a raised eyebrow.

"please f-fuck me, please, i need your cock," you beg shamelessly. beomgyu breathes heavily, trying to forget about his growing boner but not being able to ignore it. he painfully wants to do something about it but he's not sure if he's allowed to touch himself.

he opts for subtly dragging his hand to his clothed crotch and palming himself through his pants, as uncomfortable as it is. in the meantime, soobin rids himself of his own pants, shaking his head.

he lightly smacks your throbbing pussy and you jolt. "do you seriously think you deserve it? fuck, look at you, can’t wait to be fucked like a bitch in heat~" you whine, wiggling your ass wordlessly in his face to hopefully get what you want.

soobin rubs your clit with narrowed eyes, making sure beomgyu is watching. he could care less that beomgyu is touching himself. he drags some of your cum from your hole to your clit and sighs. "alright then.."

he aligns himself with your hole and without another word slips his cock in with ease, completely bottoming out.

you want to scream at how big he is but you're only left with ragged pants as you know you're unable to make any loud noises. it seriously feels like you could be torn apart at any minute but you love the feeling of soobin’s cock filling you out.

"you're so tight seriously," soobin breathes. he can barely move at first. the way his dick fits inside of your pussy perfectly. he almost wants to comment about how you were practically made for him. he's sure if he flips you over right now, he would see the outline of his cock in your womb.

after waiting a bit for you to adjust to his length he finally starts moving. "shit-" he breathes. you have to grip the sheets to stop yourself from yelling. soobin's hands find their way to your waist and when you look to the side just for a split second you can see beomgyu fighting for his life to not moan out loud.

"look beomgyu-" soobin says in between jagged breaths. "if you wanna fuck around with his pathetic slut this is how you treat her." a moan gets caught in your throat when soobin pounds into you at once. "ah- i-" a part of you wants to apologize and is trying to but he won't give you a chance to speak.

"isn't that right my slutpuppy? did you have something to add?" at the sound of the nickname your walls tighten around him and he sends a harsh smack to your ass. "you're enjoying this aren't you?" he rolls his eyes and sighs heavily.

soobin thrusts start getting faster and faster, beomgyu watching with his mouth agape at his father kissing and sucking at your neck to muffle his own moans. beomgyu can only bite his lip and noises from his throat barely pass his lips as he reaches his high.

soobin growls at seeing your eyes focus on beomgyu so he starts slamming his cock into you at an animalistic pace and you think you might break.

beomgyu bucks into his hand as he cums from the sound and sight of skin slapping added with the tiny noises you'd make. not too long after you feel yourself shudder, unable to warn soobin that you had come you squeeze your eyes shut and let out a whine instead.

"fuck- ok baby," soobin understands as soon as your walls squeeze around him. he pants a couple a times and as soon as he reaches his high he pulls out, pumping his cock to let his cum shoot out on your ass.

"s-sir," you moan. "shhh it's ok." soobin sighs heavily, coming down from his own high to tend to your broken state. he looks over at beomgyu, who's head is lulled to the side as he gazes at your sweat and semen covered body.

soobin sucks his teeth deciding not to say anything to the boy and let him chill for a minute. he shrugs his pants back on and carries you in his arms to the nearest bathroom.

you cozy up to his warm embrace, letting out a sigh. "baby we need to clean you off.." you hear him whisper. you almost completely forget that there's a dinner that's supposed to be happening and you cant just go to sleep with soobin like you'd want.

a sudden coldness hits your body and you shiver. "ok," you agree. his cum is already starting to dry on you and you want nothing more than to be cleaned like he offers. you're not sure how you'll explain your change of clothes to your mom but you're sure you'll come up with something later.

no words need to be spoken after what happened and you're glad because you're not sure what to say. soobin doesn't seem keen on talking at the moment either, too focused on cleaning you off, so you decide to stay quiet.

it's silent in the bathroom until you both hear your mother all out. "dinner's ready!"

you chuckle, breaking the silence as soobin looks up at you with a questioning eyebrow. “happy father’s day.”

[call-sign-shark]

I think I haven't commented on the third part yet but a. I've read it and was waiting for my rest day to do it, b. I literally clicked on this notification as soon as it appeared... BRUMMIE htegbeuzsnqkj I've been dying to want what happens after the whole mess and the snarky parenting lessons of the Governess in the previous chapter and God you never disappoint.

Since I barely woke up, my comment won't be a thorough analysis but more like a live reaction of me during this fantastic read. I am baffled, I am shocked, I have so many emotions! Nevertheless I need to state that I realized what I love the most in your writing: It's the rawness of the emotions you manage to convey through your wonderful prose. I've been following you for quite a while now and God, when I tell you your prose became phenomenal I'm not exaggerating a little bit. I've been devouring this new chapter like a mad woman!! You really are one of my fav writers, Brummie.

"But Tommy did notice. He would have noticed a single eyelash out of place if given enough time to do so" This was absolutely sweet. Even if I want to fustigate Tommy for being emotionally distant and for his lack of communication skills, this was adorable. He's very much in love with his wife despite the rockiness for their relationship and all the unsaid. It's a shame he's not able to say it out loud. The following scene is rendered even more heartbreaking. I thought they could enjoy a peaceful moment when their son showed up but this "What do you think Tommy? Doesn't he looked like he's gro.." You said, momentarily forgetting your self as you turned to face your husband, only to be met with an empty space with Tommy having already walked off to his office." hurt me a lot.

As for the Governess: cancel everything I said about me understanding her a little. Fuck that bitch. First of all her taunt about YN and the gardener was stupidly childish -- but at the same time she's clever, she knows Tommy and how possessive he is. Like the other Shelby, jealousy can definitely make him snap. Fortunately, we have our guardian angel, Frances, here to watch the little couple. She's a minor character I already loved in the show but this series gives her a lot of spotlight and strengthens my love for her."Did you enjoy the flowers Miss Gray had planted for the new garden you've been planning with Mr Heath, Mrs Shelby?" Frances quickly interrupted Tommy before he said something he would later undoubtedly regret" Awww She's the real MVP. This was very funny and tender at the same time, especially Tommy's awkward reaction.

"I'm your mummy, and if you want a snack only one hour before dinner then...well, you can have a bloody snack" you said with determination, ignoring the Governesses rules that were anything but what she claimed to be "polite recommendations"." Okaay this whole scene created an emotional rollercoaster in me. I was like yesss queen, go reclaim your right and place as the Mistress of Arrow House, but the snarky comments of the Governess about YN starving her son had triggered a sensitive nerve.. That evil woman surely know what to say to unnerve our poor YN...

OH MY GOOOOOOOODDDDDDD THE ALLERGIC REACTION I AM FUMING BEHIND MY LAPTOP!!! She didn't knoww. Honestly, I thought she would cause chaos mainly thanks to her viper's tongue but the allergic reaction was... Disgusting and infuriating. This is more than evil, it's fucking twisted. Once against the way you wrote the panic, the adrenaline, the emergency of the situation as well as YN's despair in this scene was gutwrenching. I can't even imagine how bad she felt!! I was literally teary at how she blamed herself because the "I'm his mother I should have known it" made a little sense but THIS IS NOT HER FAULT!!! While the confrontation with Tommy was heartbreaking, especially the "You gonna run, eh? That's what you do, don't you?" Im glad Tommy still managed to tell her that she's not the one to blame... He might be stupid sometimes but he definitely had a good reaction by keeping her from running away and putting some sense back in her panicking mind.

I can't wait to see what the governess is planning -- There's a storm coming. I'm equally impatient and scared to death lmao. On a final note I want to say that this metaphor: "A tomb! Filled with your clothes, pictures of me and William. A tomb without a fucking body" is a fucking masterpiece of poetry. I lack words to tell you how much I enjoyed it and how it made me want to hug Tommy.

Good job, as always!!!

MASTERLIST PART THREE

Unchained Melody (Part Four)

Summary: After a distressing day of events, you and Tommy finally have the conversation you had both been avoiding for over a fortnight. All under the furious glare of the Governess as she watches from the window, fuming that her plan had fallen apart.

Warnings: Language, angst, fluff, mutual pining, medical emergency

Word Count: 5334

Counting the days since your return to Arrow House had quickly turned into counting weeks. And just as you had once stored the memory of time passed, you found yourself in the midst of loneliness once again. Your new life felt much the same as it once did, albeit with a clearer mind, and the cherished guiding hand of reassurance from your dear housekeeper, Frances. But as you tried to rebuild the severed bond with your son, one thing from your previous life stubbornly remained without any hope of changing. Tommy's absence. Two weeks had passed since your husband had given you a difficult dose in the reality of your disappearance from his life to swallow. And two weeks had passed since you last spoke more than a few words to each other. If his avoidance of you wasn't obvious before, there was now no denying it.

Ashamed of his behavior, and begrudging the fact the near full contents of a whisky bottle he had consumed that night was not enough to dull his memory of the moment he had nearly struck you, Tommy had all but barricaded himself off, and away from any resurfacing grievances he still held for you.

Not allowing yourself to follow your husband's emotional course of self-destruction, you decided to focus your attention on one thing. William. If your husband's bullheadedness had no intentions of following his Aunt's advice, then you would. For all the years you had lived within the tight-knit family you had married into, you had learnt one thing. Polly was always right. Always.

With the wise words of the Shelby matriarch playing on loop in your thoughts as you sat at your vanity, brushing your hair into a loose updo, you forgoed any hopes of reconciliation with your husband, and did as the saying goes. "Let sleeping dogs lie"

Just let him be. You told your nagging brain as you stood up, placing your ivory pearl tear-dropped earrings into your ears, forcing them with a wince through the thin layer of skin that had formed from the many years you had gone without jewellery. A birthday gift from Tommy. Was a little part of you hoping he would notice? You thought to yourself as you opened your bedroom door, wondering if the subtle gesture of gratitude you still held for him would go overlooked. Not that you were trying, of course. And like everything else you had been thrown into in the past two weeks, now was your chance to find out. For just as you reached the top of the staircase, so did your husband, and with it an uncomfortable, almost unbearable silence following him.

" Tommy" you greeted him, unable to force a smile through the sorrow weighing down your heart at his absent gaze as you searched his face for the same desperation you felt.

" Morning" he stated, void of any notions of intimacy as he cleared his throat. Sending but a mere glimpse your way, he gestured with his hand for you to lead the way.

For the briefest of moments all you could do was stand there, hoping like some silly school girl he'd notice the birthday present he had gifted you all those many moons ago. But as Tommy fished in his suit jacket for a much-needed puff of the cigarette calling his name, a dousing of embarrassment piled onto the already mounting heap you had accumulated over the past two weeks, and thus further installing Polly's words to you.

Focus on William. You reassured yourself holding your head high as he followed behind you, quickly inhaling the fumes from the tightly coiled cylinder of tobacco resting between his lips.

But Tommy did notice. He would have noticed a single eyelash out of place if given enough time to do so. Everything, and anything to do with you Tommy noticed, anything but the one thing he had regretfully refused to face, and would now haunt him to his grave, tormenting him for not saying something enough to soothe your worries away. You wore royal blue that night. He thought to himself, recalling the evening he had gifted you the delicate pearled jewels that were gracefully swaying through the whispers of your hair gathered together into pins as he took each step down the long wooded staircase behind you, watching the skin on your neck pucker into small goosebumps from the light spring breeze flowing through the open windows. The same night he held you tightly in his arms, making love to you in front of the fireplace of your living room. The night he was sure William was made. He recounted, losing himself in the small ghost of a smile etched on the corner of his mouth as he watched the end of your dress glide over each step, while the memory of you profusely refuting his calculations entered his thoughts. But when William was born exactly nine months later, he couldn't help but feel a certain sense of cockiness that his keen eye for observation, and his note of a very needy wife that night hadn't gone a miss.

"Mrs Shelby, Mr Shelby. He's been so eager to see you both" Frances smiled upon seeing you descend united down the staircase, a small amount of misplaced hope in her heart that you had worked through things as you both beamed at the wriggly two-year-old unable to contain himself any further in her arms at the sight of his parents.

" William! Hi sweetheart " You smiled, kneeling down as his little legs charged towards you, throwing himself into you with a squeal and a thud. " Did you grow during the night? I think you did" you tickled under the curve of his chin, rubbing your nose over his as your husband's heart pulled at it's tethered strings from seeing the peaceful image of his wife and son together, an image he never thought he'd witness again " What do you think Tommy? Doesn't he looked like he's gro.." You said, momentarily forgetting your self as you turned to face your husband, only to be met with an empty space with Tommy having already walked off to his office.

" Come Mam, I have breakfast ready for you both" Frances sighed ushering you away from the sadness enveloping you as you pulled your only connection to your husband tightly in your arms. " Don't fret now" she said placing her hand to your back, as all your reserves left and a tear began to well in your lashes. " Time is a great healer" she whispered to you with a loving smile as the dining room door closed behind you both and Tommy glanced back, watching his family shut him out. How long would he keep this up before he buckled?

"Good day to you Mrs Shelby, and young Master William" the gardener, Mr Heath greeted you both taking his gloves off as you and William made your way out into the gardens of Arrow house later that morning, feeling the need to walk off the large breakfast of crumpets, and every spreadable food known to man that Frances had lovingly prepared for you.

" Look who it is William! Say hello" you guided him forward with a smile, watching him toddle to the enticing flower bed bright with colours Mr Heath had undoubtedly spent most of his morning planting. With an incoherent babble of words leaving his lips, William sized up the flower in front of him, picking it from its root before you had time to scoop him up into your arms. " I'm sorry Mr Heath. Nothing seems to escape him at the moment" you apologised as you held William on your hip with his victory grasped firmly between his chubby fingers.

" Plenty more where they came from. Isn't that right William? We'll make a gardener of you yet" he winked to your son, looping his thumbs through his suspenders as William kicked his feet back and forth with a squeal, muddying your freshly laundered dress. " Got some of those roses you like Mam, had one of the lads plant 'em this morning. Miss Gray insisted on them being added to the new flower bed you've been designing. And I'm not foolish enough to say no to her, ay?" he said with a chuckle nodding them out as your eyes widened, and a smile flashed across your face at the touching gesture, and Polly's keen memory of the flowers you would have the groundsmen plant rows of so you could adorn the rooms of Arrow house with their sweet perfume.

" Oh Mr Heath, thank you! You're ever so kind" you said, placing your hand on the curve of his shoulder as your eyes brimmed with tears at his gentle nature, unaware the whole interaction was being watched by your husband who was stood at his office window.

" Well, well. She seems to have a soft spot for your trusted gardener" the Governess said announcing her presence, snaking forward behind Tommy as his jaw tightened at the sound of her voice, his fists clenching furiously onto the windowsill Infront of him." She's often out there talking to him, for hours on end"

" Get out" he stated coldly as Tommy continued to watch you from afar, the Governesses words slowly sowing doubt into his already bombarded thoughts.

" Oh come on Tommy..." She purred, standing behind him as she watched you with William talking to the gardener, her breath hot against the back of his neck, sending a shivering chill down his spine " William's her priority now. She's moving on, time you did too. I see a little spark between them" she giggled, brushing her hands around his waist down to his belt whilst she rested her freshly powdered cheek on his back as a heavy release of anger quickly heated the tips of Tommy's ears from her continued refusal to accept his disinterest in her.

"Keep your vapid thoughts to yourself!" he spat, pulling her talons off him as he marched to his office door puffing furiously on his cigarette before swinging it open for her to leave.

" She doesn't want you Tommy" she teased, her icy glare matching his own as she sauntered past him, taking the cigarette from his mouth then blowing the fumes over his lips before your husband furiously slammed the door and returned back to the window, back to his troubled mind.

Heavy with anger, the Governesses words had left a bitter taste in his spiraling thoughts as he slipped into paranoia. Was this your way to get back at him for the Governess? A fling with one of his staff? He thought to himself, watching your hand drop from the gardener's shoulder, your muffled laughs loud enough to be heard from where he was stood. What was so funny? Were you laughing at him? He fumed with jealousy, his eyes fixed solely on your every movement, ignoring the real reason for your joyful mood.

" William, no darling!" You said with a chuckle, turning to face your two-year-old who had taken a liking to the flower he had picked so much, it was now fully enclosed in his mouth with only the stem sticking out.

"We'll leave those for the horses, ay William?" the gardener laughed, ruffling his dark locks as you pulled the fully intact flower from within his plump cheeks. " I'll have my boys plant some more roses this weekend for you Mam. We'll soon have the gardens looking as they once did" Mr Heath promised, turning back with pride at the flower bed he had spent the previous days planning with you, a little something to help you remember things could be how they once were, given enough time to flower.

" Thank you, Mr Heath" you said, looking around the garden when your eyes darted past Tommy stood at the window in the distance with a cloud of smoke bellowing in front his face, a displeased look etched into his furrowed brow. " Shall we get you inside?" you said glancing away from your husband to your son, wondering what you had done now to have him looking so vexed.

" It's good to have you back Mam" Mr Heath nodded his head to you with a smile as you turned to leave.

" It's good to be home" you called back, adjusting William on your hip as you watched your husband in the corner of your eye, following your every step as you made your way back inside, and unknowingly to face his sour temper.

" Y/N!" Tommy bellowed your name as he came marching towards you when Frances quickly inserted herself between you both, noting the Governess lurking behind the door of the library watching.

" Did you enjoy the flowers Miss Gray had planted for the new garden you've been planning with Mr Heath, Mrs Shelby?" Frances quickly interrupted Tommy before he said something he would later undoubtedly regret. For Tommy's once notorious stoic demeanor had rapidly turned into one of anger since your return. The likely culprit to this sudden change in behavior, still watching down in the corridor, adding more fuel to the flames of your already burning marriage.

" It's beautiful. I must remember to call and thank her" you replied, turning to face your husband with a quizzical brow, watching him turn his head away with a deep sigh as his fingers came up to pinch the tightened skin on the bridge of his nose.

" Mr Shelby, is there something I can help you with?" Frances asked as you both waited, watching the wheels turn in his eyes while he stood with his hands on his hips, head cast down feeling stupid for letting the viper he needed to be rid of slither her way into his paranoia.

"The er, the cake..." he said clearing his throat as he looked up, his eyes darting between you and Frances as you furrowed your brow at his unusual stuttering manner. What had gotten into him?

" Yes Mr Shelby?" Frances replied with a dutiful smile.

" What...what did Mr Giles use this time?" he asked, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as his eyes quickly darted to you then back to your head housekeeper.

"Oh, I wouldn't know Mr Shelby. It was your wife that baked it this week" she said looking to you as you glanced up from smoothing down the jumper bunched up around William's chest whilst he curiously pulled at the pearl dangling from your earring.

" Brandy" you replied as a silence uncomfortably sat between you both while Frances watched on in desperation for you to both reunite, and bring peace and the love you shared back to Arrow House.

" Right" he replied quietly as his eyes lingered on you, gazing between your glossy lips and doe eyes looking up at him through your full lashes. " Right..." he repeated once again before suddenly turning for the front door.

" What...what on earth was all that about?" You asked your housekeeper as a look of puzzlement crossed your face from your husband's chaotic interaction with you.

" I'm not sure Mam" Frances replied guiding you away before glancing back to see a smirk of enjoyment flash across the Governesses lips, her eyes unnervingly narrowing in on her.

With an uncomfortable feeling of dread and unease weighing down her stomach, Frances watched the library door close, and the woman she had clocked onto slip away. What was she up to?

"Soon, William. Just another hour" you sighed, looking up at the clock as your son furiously stomped his feet, throwing his teddy your way with a wail of cries. No snacking, he's on a strict schedule. The Governesses words rang in your ears as you looked back at the ticking hands of the clock, convinced they were purposely going slower than normal. " How about we play with your new train set while we wait for dinner? Yeh?" you said energetically as you stood up from the nursery floor, hoping your enthusiasm would distract him from his rumbling belly. Holding out for his reaction, you waited and watched as he blinked away his tears, then dramatically threw himself to the floor, thrashing about like a crocodile in the throes of a death roll. " Right, you win" you declared, deciding a small snack was nothing worth battling over with a two-year-old as you picked him up and marched to the door and down the staircase. " I'm your mummy, and if you want a snack only one hour before dinner then...well, you can have a bloody snack" you said with determination, ignoring the Governesses rules that were anything but what she claimed to be "polite recommendations".

" Can I help you Mam?" The young kitchen aid Billy asked you as you started rummaging through the many cupboards, while simultaneously stopping Williams curious hands from putting everything and anything in his mouth for a drooling, toothy toddler taste test.

"Do we have any dried fruit, biscuits, bread?" You turned to ask him with a flustered face placing William down, your son instantly making a beeline for a large packet of flour. " William, wait!" you said as he opened the contents, pouring it over the tiled floor.

" Uh oh" he said with his hands out behind a puff of flour filling the air.

" Uh oh, indeed" you said covering your mouth from the giggles you were unable to hold back as you and Billy both looked down at your two-year-old emerging from the cloud of white dust that had settled around him.

" What's going on in here?" The Governess snapped, stood at the door as you patted the flour from your child's clothes. " Billy, clean this up" she demanded as you picked up your son and placed him on the kitchen table, dusting the remaining powdery kitchen staple from his brown locks. " Mrs Shelby. Your presence brings quite the chaos doesn't it?" she said as you sharply turned back to the cupboards, your patience reaching it's limits with her constant undermining of you. " His dinner is in under an hour" she reminded you as she frowned at the various jars and boxes of food you had pulled out from within the kitchen cabinets.

"He's been hungry for a few hours now. Something small won't hurt him before it's ready" you replied with as much assertiveness you could muster, waiting for her next snarky remark.

"Hours? I didn't tell you to starve the poor child. You're his mother, surely you know what he needs?" she replied, her cruel words hitting the little remaining self-confidence you had left as you bent down to William's eye level, his sweet face smiling back at you enough to keep the tears from starting, and the strength to say what needed to be said.

" I am his mother" you said, standing up, placing your arm protectively around your child's back. " And from today, I don't want to hear any more of your council, nor opinions on how I raise him. Know your place, and stay out of my parenting, and marriage" you finished with a labored breath, your heart rapidly pounding in your chest as you tried to keep your firmness on the matter from falling under the nerves coursing through your body.

"Billy, Mr Giles wants you! " She snapped, turning her piercing glare to the young kitchen aid stood nervously watching at the end of the table.

" But I have to finish up..."

" Now!" she barked, uncrossing her arms as she pulled a small jar of hazelnuts and various dried fruits from the shelf behind her as the young worker hurried past her, his eyes darting to the items of food she had placed on the large wooden table before he shut the door behind him. "Mrs Shelby?" She said pushing the food towards you, as you looked up from your son.

"Here we go, sweetheart" you said with a smile as you reached for the jar of nuts, crushing one between the heel of your hand and the table for him." Good?" You asked as he held his hand out for more, excitedly kicking his feet back and forth.

" Slow down" you giggled as your son delved his hand into the jar whilst you crushed another of the sweet earthy hazelnuts for you to share. "Slowly William" you said furrowing your brow as he began to cough, and your eyes darted around the kitchen for a jug of water as the Governess stood quietly watching. " William here, drink" you said placing a small cup to his lips when a feeling of unease settled in your stomach and your heart rapidly fluttered within you chest at the sound of yours sons sudden, unexpected wheezing. "William...William?" You panicked rubbing his back as his little lungs forcefully strained each labored breath out." Get help!" You cried looking to the Governess as you scooped up your son into your arms, his stifled cries of pain sending your body into a dizzying daze as your ears filled with a piercing ringing.

"What did you give him?!" Tommy shouted, storming through the kitchen moments later with Frances quickly following behind him as you stood there in shock, frantically trying to ease your child's cries.

" Wha...what's happening? Tommy?" You stuttered out between your rapid thoughts as you tried to answer your husband, when Tommy grabbed him from within your arms and placed him down on the cool slabbed floor, pulling his jumper off him.

" What did you fucking give him?!" Your husband screamed at you as his eyes darted up from the blotchy pink rashes covering your child's heaving chest and stomach.

" I...I..." You cried as you picked up the crushed hazelnut on the table next to you as Tommy's eyes suddenly widened in a panic.

" Get the fucking car!" Tommy shouted picking William up in his arms, cradling his limp body tightly against his chest as he ran outside, the Governess feet behind him.

" Frances?..." Your voice trembled as your eyes blinked through the tears welled in your lashes.

" You didn't know, dear. Quick, he needs you" she beckoned you forward from the state of shock welding your feet to the ground.

With a surge of adrenaline pushing you forward and out the front door, you watched as your husband carried your son into the car as the Governess slipped into the seat beside him.

"William!" You cried, as your shaky body frantically ran to them, stumbling forward until your hands landed on the boot of the car. " I'm here...William I'm here" you sobbed as your trembling fingers guided you around the Bentley, only for the Governess to slam the door shut in your face before quickly winding the window up. " Wait, wait!" You cried banging your fists on the glass, trying to garner your husband's attention who was in his own panicked daze as he tried to ease your sons discomfort.

" Go" the Governess instructed the driver as she wrapped her arm around your husbands shoulder, flashing you a look of disgust and contempt before the car drove off in a haste, leaving you in a heap of strangled cried in the muddied grass.

An allergic reaction, something any mother would have know. Something you should have known. But you didn't. And as you watched the car speed away, you felt your body cave in on itself as the weight of the grave error you had made plunged you into the depths of the ground below you, dragging you into nothing but hopelessness and despair. You were his mother... you should have known.

Four hours had passed since your husband had rushed your son to the nearest hospital. And as you sat in the icy bath you had plunged yourself into over two hours ago, you stayed motionless, numb from the thousands of needles pricking your skin as you stared blankly at the droplets of water dripping from the tap at the end of the bath, counting them as they echoed loudly in the empty darkened room.

" Mrs Shelby! My goodness!" You'll freeze to death" Frances gasped upon entering the room, throwing the neatly folded linen in her arms to the floor before pulling the plug from the bath and you along with it.

"Is he dead? Frances... Is he dead?" your voice trembled as you snapped out of your dazed state at the feeling of a warm towel being tightly wrapped around your freezing body.

" William is well, Mam" She replied as she pulled you towards her, frantically rubbing your arms up and down in an attempt to warm your body up. " Mr Shelby is waiting for you in the nursery. He wants to speak with you"

"No. I can't, Frances...not after this. He'll kill me" you panicked as you clutched tightly onto her arm, pulling yourself and her away from the door, away from the anger you feared your husband had for you.

" He'll do nothing of the sort" she reassured your paranoid mind, slowly guiding your reluctant feet to the master bedroom to dress, and the welcoming burning fire she had lit for you.

" I do like to be beside the seaside, oh I do like to be beside the sea" you heard your husband quietly sing as William slept soundly in his arms whilst you watched from the door of the nursery. "Shh, my boy" he said, turning to see you as you shifted nervously from one foot to the other under the moonlight beaming through the windows as he placed William gently into his cot.

" I'm sorry. I...I didn't know" you sobbed quietly as your husband stood with his hands resting on his waist, his face tired and drained from the day's events.

" We need to talk" he said, raising his brow with his hand out pointing to you as he watched you step back and away from him.

" I didn't know Tommy..." you cried, slowly walking backwards until your body hit the door and your fingers frantically reached for the handle behind you as your husband stared you down.

" You gonna run, eh? That's what you do, don't you?" He said following you, his eyes challenging you with every step you took as you stumbled past the furniture of your master bedroom. "Run when things get hard..." his voice rose when you turned and bolted out the door and down the corridor. " Y/N!" Tommy's voice bellowed down the stairs as he ran after you, watching you push the heavy front door open into the night air. " No! I'm not gonna let you do this again!" He shouted catching up, firmly grabbing your arm as you tossed and turned in his grip.

" Tommy stop!" You screamed, pushing him off you as you stumbled back, your lungs scrambling for air from the anguished cry that had left your lips. " I can't...I can't do this anymore. I'm not fit to be his mother. I could've killed him" you wept breathlessly as you clutched onto the brick wall gating your home.

"You didn't know..."

"I should have though! Why did you bring me back here, Tommy?! Why? You should have left me!" you shouted at him, hitting him across his chest, furious that he had thrown you back into the situation you once fled from after having convinced yourself your presence only brought dread and chaos to the ones you loved the most.

" Left you? You wanted me to fucking leave you?! Do you want to see what you left me with, eh?" Tommy bellowed, as he grabbed you by your arms, stopping your weak blows before dragging you by the wrist to a gated, enclosed area at the back of the house. "There. That's what you left me with" he spat, pushing you through the gate to a stoned monument adorned with carved roses cascading down it's side, your name intricately etched into the marble. " An empty fucking grave Y/N!" He yelled, the force of his words taking his breath away as his body hunched over, heaving for air.

"Tom..." You cried turning to face him, desperately reaching for him.

" Filled with your clothes, pictures of me and William. A tomb without a fucking body" he said, running his hands through his hair as he looked at the marked grave. "He cried for you every night you were gone. I...I didn't know what to do Y/N, he wanted his mother. But you were gone, dead" Tommy sniffed, letting his barrier finally drop as tears welled in his eyes, and he lulled his head back, desperately trying to get a hold on his escaping emotions. "Do you know how that felt, eh? That I couldn't take his tears away, that his own father couldn't settle him?" He said through gritted teeth letting his head drop, letting you see the depths of despair you had left him in. "Two years Y/N. Two fucking years...Why?" He finally gave into the conversation he had been avoiding for over a fortnight.

I...I couldn't cope anymore " you sobbed as you cautiously stepped closer to him with your hands out. " You were never here, I..."

" So it was my fault then?" He quickly interjected, shaking his head with a scoff.

" No! No Tommy" you hurried to correct him, gingerly reaching up to cup his cheeks as you turned his head to face you. " I needed your help. I should have asked for your help" you sniffed as you desperately searched your muddled thoughts for the answers he rightfully deserved. " I felt lost, Tommy. Confused. I didn't understand why I couldn't do what other women did so naturally, when all I've ever wanted to be, all I've ever dreamt of being was a mother. And I couldn't do it, Tommy. I couldn't fucking do it!" You broke down, your fingers grasped tightly onto the front of his shirt. " I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." you wept loudly, your body shaking furiously from the heartache you had put both yourself and your family through with your actions.

Unable to withstand the torment of seeing the woman he loved so broken, so fragile, he pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around you as he placed a pressing kiss to your head.

" You were doing it though. You couldn't see it, but you were doing everything any mother would have done, sweetheart" he sighed, threading his hand through your hair as he closed his eyes, his longing body starved of your warmth loosening in the comfort of you. "I should..." He sighed as he looked up at the night sky, a gentle breeze drifting past him cooling his simmering temper. " I should have been there. Done more" he said as he cupped your head to look at him. " I should have done more Y/N" he reiterated as his thumb swiped over the tears pooled above your cheeks.

" Forgive me Tommy...please" You sobbed, pressing your forehead to his as you linked your hands tightly around his neck, desperately holding out for his forgiveness.

" I've never had a reason to, darling" he sighed, cradling the side of your head against his thundering heart, his love for you beating rapidly through his chest. For as much as Tommy's troubled mind had put the brunt of your shared problems on your shoulders alone. His heart never betrayed him, never stopped loving you, never once blamed you for the troubled emotions he knew were out of your reach of control.

As you both sat down on the step of the marble headstone, you rested your tired body in your husband's strong frame as he looked up at the glittering sky, silently thanking the unknown for the peace he finally felt having you wrapped in his arms once again. But Tommy's peace would be short-lived. A storm was coming to Arrow house, its maker watching from the window of her room as her face twisted with fury, her bitter mind gleeful of the hell she would bring down on this grand house and everyone in it.

" You fool Thomas Shelby. You fool..

PART FIVE coming soon!

Tag List: @garrison-girl-08 @call-sign-shark @red-riding-wood @look-at-the-soul @lau219 @peakyswritings @babaohhhriley @naevisct @galactict3a @satanhauntedmytorment @iwantmyredvelvetcupcake @kmc1989 @latorsgatorz @garfieldsladybird @mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @henrywintersdearestgirl @goblinjnr (unable to tag) @abaker74 @hummusxx @xvintageghostx (unable to tag) @sagecodm @isabbellagonzalezz88 (unable to tag) @girlwith-thepearlearring @minaxcarter (unable to tag) @cleverzonkwombatsludge @saltburnwhore (unable to tag) @outlanderuniverse @anastacia-lynn @sofiblossom @akemiixx01 @thelastemzy @xxbeckybeexx-blog @cyphah @ireallydontcareanymorebrooo @kammsinn @nadloves @esquivelbianca @bruher @honeymoon8 @amberpanda99 @whorefortim @casquinhaa @globetrotter88 (unable to tag) @s0eul @depressed-but-make-it-cute

[vannybarber]

The Prenup

Summary: After four years of being together and finally being engaged, Chris wants you to sign a prenup.

Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, chris getting his ass handed to him, a lot of pain.

Part Two Part Three Part Four Final Chapter

Scrounging through the little desk in the corner of Chris and you's bedroom, you hear him let out a boisterous laugh.

He was watching some movie and there was a certain part that he found so hilarious. After 4 years of watching it with him constantly, you still don't get what's so funny. But it makes him happy so that's what matters.

You were searching for the wine opener so Scott could get his middle-aged-4-kids-divorcee vibe on. You cleaned the other day and stuck it in there after a nightly dose of freakydeaky from Chris, which consisted of wine, whipped cream, and a many different forms of chocolate.

After what seemed like forever, you find the corkscrew and grin at your accomplishment. You take one more look in the drawer out of habit and you spot a big orange envelope with Chris' name on it. Being the nosy curious person you are, you take the envelope out and get a good look at it. You see the words Prenuptial Agreement in bold and your heart drops.

Chris had proposed to you 9 months ago and you were happy beyond words. After being together for 4 years, he finally put away his commitment troubles and made you his fianceé. And now you find out he's going to get you to sign a prenup. A fucking prenup.

You look around the room at loss for words. You were angry, hurt and confused. After 4 years of being together, he doesn't have faith in his own judgment that you guys would be together forever? You both have been through literally everything. There isn't one thing you don't know about each other. Your relationship was rare and it was special.

After moments of contemplation, you decide you would confront him on it. There's no way you could carry on the night and sleep after this. Not until you get your answers. Closing the drawer, you take a sharp breath and exhale before walking out the room. You get back to the dining table where Lisa and his siblings surrounded.

"Here you go Scott" you say slamming the corkscrew on the table in front of him. He looks up at you, puzzled. You glance at him then at Chris and he's looking at you just the same. Evidently your tone matched your movements because everyone went silent. You draw back and put both hands behind your back and huff.

"Babe, are you alright?" It was Christopher talking to you now. Your attention goes to him and your lips are in a thin line. Refraining from blowing up at him, you force smile on your face and change your tone of voice.

"What do you mean, honey? I'm fine." You should leave the acting to Chris honestly. That's definitely not your field of expertise. Shifting on your right foot, you stare at him. He shuffles and tilts his head with a knowing look.

"Spill it Y/N. What's up?"

"The flames when I burn this damn house down." So much for not blowing up. You snatch the envelope in front of you and chuck it on the table. Everyone watches the exchange and the envelope fly to the table. All their faces change from confusion to shock and even more confusion.

Chris didn't even need to look down to know it was the prenup. His eyes went from you to the wall. Guilt written all over it, you almost wish you gave a shit. You wonder how long he was going to keep this hidden from you. No need to wonder now.

"You want to explain to me why you have a prenup?" You place your hand on your hip and roll your neck at him.

"I got that for us."

You swear to everything you wanted to lunge at him right then and there. 'I got that for us'. Why do people always use that excuse for everything? They weren't thinking about you, just themselves and expected you to go along with it.

"You got it for us? I know you didn't do this on your own. Who put you up to it?" You look around the room. Scott has his hands up shaking his head. Carly and Shanna both let out a quiet "not me". You look at Lisa who had this look of hurt.

"Chris, you tell me everything. How did I not know about this? Why didn't you tell me?" Well now you know she didn't suggest it. You feel slightly guilty for letting it cross your mind, but you had your reasons.

"Ma, I had my reasons. I kept it hidden because I didn't know how I felt about it myself" he says rubbing his face and fixing his hair under his cap. Still didn't answer your question.

"Christopher, who put you up to this? Tell me now!" You're getting fired up by the minute. You have an idea who it could be too.

"Megan. She thought that it would be smart to consider. Just to protect me."

"Megan." Your voice is laced with absolute venom. "You know Chris, she does a good job keeping you out of trouble and bullshit so you're not all over the tabloids, but sometimes, her ass is too much!"

Chris is never in the news for anything negative. He's always minding his business and moving quietly. Megan is a great publicist, but she can be pretty overbearing about his personal life. She gave you side eye for like the entire first year of you guys' relationship.

"Baby, she was just looking out for me. You know how it is, women getting with you for your money. Guys loose half of everything they have when getting divorces."

You can't even believe it.

"I am not 'women'. I'm your fianceé. We've been together 4 years, Chris! After all this time your material things come before me?" Tears are puddled at your eyes now and your voice is cracking. This catches his attention.

"I told you from the start Chris, that I never cared about your money! Never have and never will. I am used to not having much. I'm not money hungry or concerned for having top tier everything. I've learned to settle."

"Y/N, I didn't mea-" you slam your hand on the table, making everyone jump. Chris shuts his mouth.

"I'm. Not. Finished. I am not marrying your bank account. I'm not marrying your cars. I'm not marrying your house. I don't give a damn about any of that shit. And you literally are still concerned about all of that?" Your face is wet and your nose is runny. You wipe your nose and cross your arms.

"It's not even like that!" Now he's getting upset. For literally nothing. This is his fault. "It's just in case it doesn't work out, we don't need to deal with all the extra mess."

That completely shattered you. In case it doesn't work out. He actually has thoughts that your marriage couldn't work. What would even cause that? You guys don't even argue. You don't even remember the last time you did. You've learned to understand what each other needs and mastered that. What is he on about?

"You know what the sad part is? Us not working out crossed my mind in, like, the first year of our relationship. And I decided that if we did get married, and God forbid we divorced, I wouldn't take anything from you."

He looked at you like he just found out he wasn't the father of your baby.

"Yeah, Chris. That's your money. You made it, not me, so why would I ask for any of it from you? You gave me an amazing relationship and thats enough for me."

"Oh my goodness." Everyone directs their attention to Scott. "So you wouldn't want anything from the divorce?"

"Of course not! I came in this relationship for him. Plus a make my own money. I don't need anyone else's."

You had your own business. Many employees at different buildings in Boston. You didn't have much growing up and you were proud of yourself for not having to worry about financial issues. Chris liked that you had your own thing going and didn't have to adapt to his life and depend on him financially. And he still got a prenup.

Feeling like you were gonna cry again, you rub your temples and take deep breaths to prevent it. But you failed and started crying more. Chris got up and moved to stand in front of you.

"Baby, I'm sorry I upset you. I thought you would be okay with this. Like you said, you don't care about my money so what's wrong with the prenup?" His hands were on your sides, but not for long as you shook them off of you.

"What's wrong with it? What this is telling me is three things. You have doubt that our marriage won't work out, you think I might change my mind and ask for alimony, and that your money comes before me."

"I..." he struggles to form words. You take this chance to get out of there.

"I really don't want to be here right now." Chris looks up and grabs your arm.

"Babe, you don't need to go. Where the hell are you gonna go?" You turn and grab the envelope from the table. You open it and pull the papers out, shoving it in his face.

"I'll go to a hotel or something, but I'm not staying here if this is the shit you're trying to pull with me." You turn the paper to you and look in disgust. You scan over it and your eyes fall on the dotted line where you need to sign. Beside it is where he needed to sign his.

Well not anymore.

You read over his signature on the line. Chris Evans.

He signed the prenup already. Now he was just waiting for your signature. He really was leaving you zero choice.

"You signed it already??" Everyone at the table head snapped up. Shanna gasped and covered her mouth. Lisa mumbles an "oh no" under her breath.

"So you were just going to bring it to me and expect me to sign it with no fight, huh?"

Chris says nothing, but his face is red. You don't wait for a response and walk to your shoes and your bag. Already having everything in there, you slip your shoes on and walk back to Chris.

"Just a heads up, you brought this on yourself."

You whip around and walk to the fireplace. You chuck the papers and envelope in the blaze and turn back to him.

"You can forget about that damn prenup, cause I'm not signing it. As a matter a fact, you don't even have to worry about that because there won't be a chance of us divorcing." You force a smile and clasp your hands together. Lisa and Scott rise from the table panicking.

"Babe, no-"

"Forget the wedding, this engagement and all of it. You can take this fucking ring too." You pry the ring off your fingers and throw it at him. It hits his chest and falls at his feet.

"I'm not marrying you."

You turn on your heel, grab your purse and jacket, walking out the door, leaving the Evans' speechless.

Was this too dramatic? I have my own opinions on a prenup, but maybe it's not as big as it seems? Idk🥴.

masterlist

[spencestyles]

Her

summary: the one where y/n is tired of being second to Maeve and Spencer needs to learn his lesson

pairing: spencer reid x BAU!femreader

warnings: angst

words: 3050

*not my gif*

~~~~~~~~~~~

To you, it had always been about her. What she did, how she looked, was all based on her. You wanted to make Spencer happy, but you could never compare to her.

"Spencer, I don't understand what I need to do," you yelled in frustration.

"There is nothing you can do y/n," Spencer yelled back. Your relationship had been going on like this for a few weeks. you knew about his past and knew about Maeve. Yes, Maeve, the girl Spencer will forever love. Within the past weeks, Spencer has become more distant from you. The five year anniversary of Maeve's death is right around the corner. Whenever this time of the year comes around, Spencer becomes heavily depressed. Every time, you just shrug it off.

"Spence, I want to help you," you said softly, exhausted from all the arguing. "Can I please help you." You worked at the BAU she joined shortly after Maeve's death. You immediately hit it off with the entire team besides Spencer. He was still different, as the rest of the team had told you.

"You can't help y/n," Spencer cried. "I just want Maeve back." Your heart dropped at the sentence. you had always felt second to Maeve, no matter how many times Spencer or the rest of the team denied it.

"I can't do that Spencer," you said calmly, trying not to anger Spencer.

"Then maybe you can start acting more like her," Spencer said angrily. "Maybe pick up a damn book instead of watching fucking Grey's Anatomy. Or maybe do something good with your life besides being pretty. I miss Maeve so much."

At this point, you were enraged, "Spencer, I am not going to change who I am because you want a dead person back. Do you understand how difficult it is for me to live through this every year? Every year you forget I'm your girlfriend and I'm alive."

"Shut up y/n. I will never love you as much as I love Maeve. You are just a filler in my life right now," Spencer screamed. You immediately began to grab her things to take to her best friend, Penelope's, house. Spencer realized what he had done and began to protest your departure from your apartment.

"y/n I didn't mean it," Spencer cried, but you were already out the door. You quickly made you way to the street when you realized you left your car keys in the apartment. You decided to walk to Penelope's as it wasn't far and you didn't want to walk back to the apartment where Spencer would be begging for his forgiveness.

As you walked to Penelope's apartment as quickly as you could, you began to feel a presence from behind. You began to walk at a faster pace, but the figure behind you was faster. Suddenly, you felt a pain in her head.

Then all you saw was darkness.

Spencer knew you would be spending the night over at Penelope's, so he didn't worry too much when you didn't come back to your shared apartment. He also knew Penelope was not going to want to talk to him, especially after what he had said. However, the next morning when he woke up, he felt uneasy. When he tried to call you, you didn't answer (not like you were going to). Spencer expected you to not answer after your encounter last night, but when you are angry you don't let the rings drag on like they had; you just cancel the call.

Spencer immediately called Penelope, "Hey Garcia is y/n with you?" Spencer heard shuffling.

"No, why?" Penelope asked. Spencer became frantic as he realized his beloved girlfriend was missing.

"Garcia we need to call 911 to the team, y/n is missing," Spencer said as he packed his bag to work and immediately ran to the car.

Once the whole team made it to the office, Spencer was worried what he would have to say to the team. He knew they would be pissed at him for what he said to you, they all knew it was a touchy subject to you. You had cried to the girls (as well as Hotch) about this issue many, many times. But they all also knew Spencer loved you, more than he loved Maeve.

"Spencer you called 911, whats up?" JJ asked.

"y/n and I got into a fight last night and she left and I thought she was going to Penelope's but she never made it to Penelope's and she isn't answering her phone," Spencer said in a rushed sentence. "It may not seem like a lot yet, but something is wrong. I can feel it."

"Now what did you two fight about?" Hotch asked sternly. You and Hotch had always been close. You had a close father daughter bond since your father died when you were a teenager.

"Please don't get mad at me. I know I screwed up," Spencer began. "But I said some really stupid things. I was in a funk last night because of the anniversary of Maeve's death and I said some stupid things. She was just trying to help me get better and I basically told her to her face she wasn't good enough. I told her I would never love her as much as I love Maeve."

At this point, Spencer had begun crying. However, the rest of the team had a mixture of shocked, disappointed, and pissed off looks on their faces. You were the baby of the team still, she was young and bubbly and she loved Spencer. Maeve was a tough situation for y/n and it eventually began to take a toll on the whole team. You would get insecure at the smallest things and had a hard time with stalker cases because of the connection to Maeve.

"Okay, this is now a running investigation," Hotch said. "We all know y/n would have texted one of us to tell us she was safe if she was okay. Spencer, my office now." Hotch was pissed. You, who was basically his daughter at that point, was missing and it was all because of Spencer. Spencer knew he fucked up, but Hotch needed to make sure Spencer knew if you were found dead, there was no way out for him.

"Spencer, I am not mad at you yet," Hotch stated calmly. "But let me tell you know and let me tell you clearly, if y/n dies because you decided to be a dick, you will not feel the end of it. We both know what it feels like to lose someone so close to you. I lost Hayley, you lost Maeve. And since then, y/n has been the best thing that has happened to both of us. So Spencer Reid, so help me god, if y/n is dead, your job will be a living hell. Leave my office now and put yourself to good use." Spencer gulped. He knew Hotch would be pissed, but didn't realize how pissed.

Everyone in the bull pin knew what had happened in Hotch's office. None of them felt bad. They knew Spencer couldn't continue to undermine the importance of you to Maeve, a dead girl. They knew how you felt, especially the girls. The countless nights you had cried to them about how you felt you would never be good enough for Spencer. They knew Spencer's constant mention of Maeve hurt you.

As Spencer walked into the bull pin, he noticed the stares. He knew they were disappointed, especially the girls. He knew Morgan would be disappointed because he was the only one who knew how much Spencer truly loved you. While you were crying to the girls, Spencer was over at Derek's trying to find ways to make it up to you, to find ways to prove to you that you were his one and only. Maeve was in the past, but sometimes her memory began to creep up in Spencer.

"Can everyone stop looking at me like a criminal," Spencer said to the team looking down. "I know what I said and I know you all are upset, but we need to find her please. I can't stand to know she may be dead and died thinking that I didn't love her. Because I do. More than I ever loved Maeve and I messed up. I need to save her." The team looked at Spencer with sorrow in their eyes. They knew he was right. They needed to stop holding a grudge and get to work. None of them could live knowing they didn't do everything they could to save you.

"Spencer is right, Garcia start looking at security cameras from the area we found y/n's phone," Hotch began ordering. "Reid I need you to make a list of everyone who you and y/n have been in contact with for the past few months. Everyone else, we need to start looking for similar cases and try to figure out a profile."

The whole team got to work. Spencer looked through his phone as well as his and y/n's emails. While looking through your emails he found a strange set of emails from an unknown email address. This was strange to Spencer, he knew you never kept anything from the team especially if it were to be suspicious.

"Garcia, I need you to trace these emails," Spencer said, walking quickly to Garcia's office.

"Reid did you find something?" Hotch asked.

"I'm not sure," Spencer replied. "But it's strange for y/n to have these emails in a separate file. It's like she didn't want us to find them."

"Or she wanted us to find them in a situation like this," Hotch said. "Garcia look into these emails now, we may have our unsub."

------

You laid on a musty mattress that smelled of human feces and blood. You couldn't remember anything. You knew what had happened to you, Spencer told you he didn't love you as much as Maeve and you walked to Penelope's house. By the looks of it, you never made it to Penelope's. Soon enough the figure you felt behind you on your walk was in front of you.

"Well if it isn't y/n y/l/n," the person said. "My name is Cat. Cat Adams. You are here because you are keeping me from Spencer. I knew that if I kidnapped you, Spencer would come looking and I'd get to see his beautiful face again."

"I know who you are, Cat," you said aggressively. "I helped put your ass in jail, but from the looks of it you escaped."

"That I did," Cat laughed. "Its easy when you're fucking the guards." You felt a gross feeling in your stomach. You knew what was going to happen to you, but you also knew if she died, she wouldn't die until she could see Spencer one last time.

Suddenly, you felt a sharp pain at the left side of your waist. You looked at Cat and who was looking at her straight in the eyes. Cat had won.

------

However, back at the BAU, Spencer knew something in the emails sounded familiar.

I love him more than you do.

He will be mine forever.

There was only one woman in your relationship together that would be this judgemental, Cat Adams. Spencer knew she too made your life miserable. The thought of Cat to you was almost as gut wrenching as the thought of Maeve. You knew Cat and Spencer had a strange connection, it would often worry you; especially when Cat would request to meet with Spencer.

"Its Cat," Spencer yelled. "Hotch its Cat Adams." Everyone looked at Spencer shocked. The team was never told of Cat escaping prison.

"I need to call the prison," Hotch said. "Garcia, start looking at Cat Adams whereabouts, aliases, or anything. I have a feeling Spencer is right." Garcia immediately started looking as Hotch called the prison.

"Spencer is right," Hotch said. "Cat escaped less than a week ago."

"I found it," Garcia screamed. "Cat is at a warehouse less than three miles from here. Go quickly and save my best friend." The team ran out of the building and sprinted to their cars. Spencer was nervous. He had a feeling in the back of his head that his girlfriend was dead.

Immediately after getting into the car, the team receives a call from Garcia, "Cat has a partner. His name is Jackson Donovan. He has a criminal record and its not good. Spencer I should also mention he is Maeve's brother. You know, your dead girlfriend." Spencer was shocked. He never knew Maeve had a brother, but he knew that you may not get out of this alive. And it would be his fault. The team arrived at the warehouse.

"Spencer you're not allowed in," Hotch said. "You are too close to y/n."

"Hotch that's so not fai-" Spencer began.

"Reid I'm not going in either." Spencer didn't listen and ran into the building with Hotch yelling behind him. Hotch decided it was no use and ran in also, he needed to see you alive one more time.

"Cat Adams and Jackson Donovan, FBI put your hands up," Morgan yelled. The sight they ran into was gruesome. You had been badly beaten. Suddenly, Spencer walked in with tears in his eyes. The love of his life was dying, you looked sick. You hadn't eaten in over a day, since you and Spencer had planned on going out for a nice dinner the night of your fight.

"Well if it isn't Spencer Reid," Jackson said. "The guy my sister couldn't stop talking about. I know how you must feel, the love of your life is gone and you need a good fuck. So you decide to go for the second best thing. She's a good shag, I'm not sure if you've been fucking her right though, shes pretty tight."

"Stop, please," you pleaded. For the first time, the team saw you true pain. You were broken. Not only had your boyfriend say he didn't love you, you had been mentally and emotionally abused by these two people who wanted to ruin Spencer.

"Shut up three," Cat laughed. "Spencer, do you like the name? Three. Do you know what it means?" Spencer shook his head. "It means that y/n is your third choice. You lost Maeve, you can't have me -well you could-, so you're stuck with her. She's nothing, she's the third choice. That's why she acts so strange. Did you know that at the beginning of your relationship she stopped eating to be skinnier for you. She always felt second to Maeve and me."

"Shut up Cat, please," you said hoarsely.

"Three, do I have to tell you again," Cat said. At this point the team was beyond confused, they needed either of them to do something in order for them to stop.

"Cat, come on let's talk about this," JJ said.

"I'll only talk to Spencer," Cat said with a smirk on her face. Suddenly, the team saw Jackson make a lunge with a knife towards you, angry that Cat only wanted Spencer. Morgan took the shot swiftly as Reid handcuffed Cat.

Hotch ran over to you, "y/n, sweetie, are you okay? What do you need." You began to close your eyes. "Hey, hey, hey, don't close your eyes. You're going to be fine. MEDIC! We need a medic now!" The team felt tears in their eyes as they saw the paramedics rush to tend to you.

"Hotch can I go wit-" Spencer started.

"Go Spencer, apologize." Spencer ran to the ambulance.

"She is my girlfriend, please let me stay," Spencer begged, the medics let him stay. Spencer grabbed your hand and looked at your half closed eyes. "y/n if you can hear me, I didn't mean anything I said. I love you more than anything. I love the way you can watch a show and tell me all about it even though I watched with you. I love that you can put up with me when I'm in my episodes and the fact you don't care that I may be a paranoid schizophrenic. I love that you listen to my rambles even if you have heard them before."

"Sir, sorry to interrupt, but is there any chance your girlfriend may be pregnant," Spencer thought for a minute.

Spencer's eyes shot down at you as he heard a loud breath, "S-S-Spencer, save the baby," you said between breaths. Spencer looked at you shocked. His girlfriend was pregnant and he didn't notice. He began to think back to before your argument and the things you said. "Spencer I have a surprise for you, I think you're going to like it." Spencer's heart dropped as he heard the heart monitor flatline.

"We need her in OR 3 now," one of the doctors said. "Sir, you need to go to the waiting room, someone will be out to give you an update soon." Spencer was stunned, his girlfriend and child may die and he would have to live with the guilt of not being good enough.

Spencer walked into the waiting room and saw the rest of the team, "Jackson and Cat are being held, any updates on y/n?" Hotch asked.

"They had to take her to surgery, she flatlined in the ambulance," Spencer said, his voice breaking. "She's pregnant." The team sat quiet.

"We all already knew Spencer," Rossi said. "Earlier in the day before you guys got into your fight, she told us. She was so excited and she wanted to tell you in the most perfect way."

"I told her to just come out and say it like Hayley did to me," Hotch laughed. "It caught me by surprise but was the most meaningful statement I'd ever heard." The team smiled at Hotch, but looked at Spencer who looked the worst he ever has. None of the team had seen him look this bad. Not even with Maeve. Soon enough, most of the team left. Hotch had to go to Jack and JJ to her kids. Derek had a date with his girlfriend and the rest of them needed their sleep.

"Spencer," Emily said. "Please text us when she wakes up." Spencer nodded, which was enough for both of them this late into the night.

Less than ten minutes later y/n's doctors came into the waiting room, "Here for y/n y/l/n?" Spencer stood up.

"Hi," Spencer said, walking over to them. "I'm her boyfriend."

"Well she is doing well right now, we were worried at first. She flatlined twice on the operation board." Spencer let out a breath he did not know he was holding.

"She was pregnant, what about the baby?" Spencer asked, hoping that y/n was still carrying their unborn child.

"The baby is being monitored, but it looks as if the baby is almost four months along meaning there is a low chance of the baby getting hurt. However, the baby was under a lot of stress from the abduction." The doctor began to show Spencer to your room. Spencer couldn't help but wonder if he caused any of the stress on the baby. The things he said most definitely caused you an enormous amount of stress.

As Spencer walked into the room, he couldn't help but shed a tear. You had wires around your body and you looked bad. Not bad, but like you were just kidnapped.

Spencer texted the team, y/n is out of surgery. She and the baby are okay. The team didn't respond as it was three in the morning.

Spencer heard shuffling next to him. He looked over at you and saw you move slightly, your hand moving to her stomach. For the first time, he looked over at your stomach and noticed you bump. He was shocked he hadn't seen it before, it was very prominent. Well it was what he'd expect for four months.

"y/n I know you most likely can't hear me or you don't want to listen, but I need you to know I love you" Spencer began. "You are the best thing that has happened to me, I know you always feel second to Maeve, but she is a part of my past. You y/n, you are my present and my future. I confided in you when I was at my lowest, when I was in jail you were there. You and our baby. Holy shit we are going to have a kid." Spencer paused when he heard a giggle. He looked over to y/n, she had a smile on her face.

"Hi" y/n said.

"Oh my God you're awake" Spencer said with tears in his eyes. "I thought I lost you."

"You're never getting rid of me" y/n giggled. "Actually, maybe if you act like that again. I will leave you and take your child." You glared at Spencer, remembering why you were in this situation.

"I'm sorry about what I said to you," Spencer cried. "I love you, I love you so much. I'm going to do everything for this baby and everything to make this up to you."

"You better."

[afandommultiverse]

Enemies - Zora Ideale

word count - 2.5k

request - Z3ll0us

warnings - uhh none really, language probably, just some fluff

a/n - ya'll, my bad, I'm not dead just not creative, I somehow came up with this in the matter of like 5 months, and it's still shit I'm sorry guys, but I hope you all enjoy! Btw I'm going to be trying my best to come back!💕

~~~

It seemed no matter where he went, no matter what job it was if they were there, there was no chance for him. How many bounties had he lost? How many relics had they stolen right from under him for contracts? Zora was sick of it and made it a rule to himself that he would drop everything and turn the other way when he saw them, but what was even the point? Because no matter where he went, they were always there.

Even now, a member of the Black Bulls, he was having a hard time holding back from releasing magic spells. He wanted them gone, at least that is what he thought. Why else would he get this burning feeling looking at them to speak to Magna like they have been friends for years? But, of course, Zora could never tell them. However, he wanted them to talk to him like that, not like he was just some scum on the bottom of their shoes, but it is not like all he has done has exactly helped his relationship with them, which brought him to his current predicament.

"With who?" Zora could not believe his luck. Of course, he was going to be with them. What else would the fates do but trick and play with him? His suffering must be amusing. Yami puffed on his cigarette as he handed Zora a pack of mission information.

"You are with Y/n. Now go find them and get on; I forgot about that one under some stacks of papers, due dates in 3 days." Yami kicked Zora out of his office and left him there to stare at the door as he thought about how fucked the next four days would be for him.

~~~

It was a cave expedition. Some wild animals had been going in there and coming out with big mana. It was beginning to make it dangerous for the surrounding villages who hunted wild game to put dinner on the table. But, thank the gods, Yami had cleaned off his desk; if not, who knows what kind of trouble the guild would have been in the next few days.

Walking to their room, Zora had heavy feet, which seemed only to get more weighted and weighted as he got closer to their door. Then he heard their laugh vibrating through the walls and ringing out to the hall where he could listen, halting his step and his heartbeat. Zora swallowed a knot before bringing his hand up to the door and knocking heavily. He heard their steps before the door opened, and they stared at him, sitting into their hip and glaring.

"What?" They seethed, narrowing their eyes as if looking for a trick. He sighed and handed them the folder, not even bothering to mess with them right now; they will prove him wrong later anyways.

"Be ready in thirty minutes." And then he walked away.

Y/n P.O.V

I watched Zora skulk away, a different air around him, almost defeated. I frowned before closing the door and turning back to the guest.

"Who was that?" A friend of mine from hell, a tiny demoness who specialized in brews and potions. Aliza was her name, and she was a stout little thing with filled-out curves and gorgeous maroon skin that glowed. Her nails were sharp and black, seeming to glitter in the light as she lifted her cup, which was much more prominent in her little red hands. Red swirly horns curled around her ears before pointing up in effortless black points that seemed to drip back down her horns like minor oil spills. Most enticing were her pink eyes, slit-like a cat and equally as sharp.

"Zora, a team member." I settled back down in my seat in front of her and sipped my tea. Her tail swished around her curiously as she stared at me pointedly. Since she was so short, she had to stand on the table to see eye to eye; she looked adorable under the flowers in the vase sitting at the center of the table.

"Just a team member?" Her pink eyes seemed to glint in knowing, knowing what? I did not know. I eyed her suspiciously as I finished up my meal.

"Yeah. Just a team member who, by the way, gets on my nerves sometimes and is a huge asshole." I took the final sip from my tea and gathered the dishes before throwing them through a portal to hell. Aliza looked unimpressed as she watched me close the said portal. "What?"

"You cannot keep expecting Helltower to keep doing your dishes." I grinned, dusting off my hands and moving to change.

"Of course I can! He loves me! Plus, I always repay him with little trinkets from the middle world." I mused, throwing on my guild cape and walking out of the room, Aliza following me. Her heels clicked on the stone hall as she followed me, surprisingly keeping up for being so small.

"Where are you going?" She continued to drink her tea, which she had reheated with a small flame in her hand.

"Some mission, talk shit later, okay?" She laughed before slipping through a small red vortex in front of her effortlessly, and I continued to meet Zora.

It has been silent ever since we started walking, stale moods rising from both of us. Yami had mentioned that the mission would be within walking distance. What he had failed to mention was that he thought thirty-five miles was within walking distance, which brought us here, stumbling on the only trail that would lead us to the village in need. Wind around us blew softly, whistling through the trees and making the leaves above our heads shutter and shake. Orange and yellow leaves were falling overhead to frame our little journey. Now and then, deer or a rabbit would hop across a few feet ahead of us, some even stopping to stare at us with their beady eyes before walking off.

As silent as it was between us, the forest made up plenty of sounds, birds chirping tiny tunes to each other from the high treetops. We had even heard the roars of hogs fighting by a pond over a mate. We stopped to watch them for a second but continued a little after. Eventually, Zora let out an irritated sigh and walked over to a tall, thick tree, probably hundreds of old- and kicked it so hard, the roots ripped out from the ground, well, mostly. Before any dirt or rocks could hit us, Zora quickly set up a magic circle and reflected it all. I watched in astonishment and confusion. What the hell was he doing? Then, as dozens of birds flew away from the scene, scared of such commotion, he spoke.

"Cut this for me, dear?" I scoffed at the nickname, trying to ignore the sweet pound of my heart that followed after his raspy voice wrapped around that word in an unreasonable amount of attractiveness. Then I thought of a particular pair of pink cat eyes glinting at me. So I shuffled forward, opting instead of asking questions to pull an ax out of a small portal. "I always forget your weapons are double the size of Cap'n Yami." He muttered off to the side, watching as I walked up to the top of the tree and measured up the ax to swing. As I swung down on the trunk, cutting it just as it began to branch out, I heard a low whistle, and secondly, his footsteps walking along the tree trunk back to me.

"Clean shot, doll." He grinned down at me, then looked back at the severed trunks. "We'll take the long one for the rest of the ride, whaddya say?" He asked, reaching down to pull me up. What the hell is going on? As I gripped his hand, I was almost in a trance, confused and running through millions of thoughts. Setting my body on auto-pilot as I tried to figure out why the hell he was so lovely. Which, in the end, was a bad idea, or maybe a good one.

My foot slipped, and just when I thought I was going to eat shit, a specific pair of hands gripped me, pulling me up fast. We fell back, landing against the wood hard; well, Zora did at least.

"Fuck." He groaned, rubbing his head before looking up at me, his mischievous eyes and smile gone, there laid concern. "Are you okay?" He moved me off of him gently, surprisingly not making any inappropriate comments on our position.

"You saved me," I spoke, still flabbergasted with what happened and the events leading up to it.

"Yeah, it didn't look like it was gonna be a soft fall, sweetheart." He stood up, convinced that I was all right, and gave me a hand again, this time watching me intensely as if I would misstep again. After I was up, he walked away, going to the head of the tree to fill it with mana. Slowly, the trunk began to rise, higher and higher, until we were above the surrounding trees. Green leaves blocking the view of the forest floor we once stood on, and a soft sunset began in front of us. The trunk began to move forward, slowly speeding up before staying steady. The wind whipped my hair around, along with a few of my things, making me hold on to them tightly after tying up what I could of my hair. I walked up to Zora again, coming to sit beside him. The trunk was thick enough for us to sit side by side, but it was a tight fit nonetheless. So as I settled beside him, he moved slightly for me, but our legs stayed glued to each other.

"If you could just do this the entire time, why didn't you just leave me back there?" I laughed it off, so used to him being a pain in the ass, and it is not like it would not be the first time he screwed me over in some way. Our relationship was not one of the niceties or cordial words. So often, you would find us fighting or screaming to see the other because of something they did, which eventually leads to a fight. Zora did not look at me for a bit, but when he did, I wished he had never turned his head. His eyes were sullen, sad, and overthinking, foggy with millions of thoughts that looked to be running through his head. The evident frown that towed down his face bothered me, so used to the shit-eating grin he pranked me or others, or when after putting someone in their place.

"I guess I can be really mean sometimes, huh?" I did not know his voice could be so soft. Honestly, I was surprised I heard him at all, but I did and could not stop thinking about it. I did not feel it necessary to talk after that, instead finally shutting my trap and moving on to watch the sunset. Colors blurred and blended across the sky, framing the mountains and trees rising to kiss the sky. It was quite the sight with bright pinks, oranges, and even some purple painted across the blue sky. When we reached the village, the sun was long gone, replaced by the moon, just as bright and beautiful with specks of stars across the sky. At some point, I remember getting bored and searching for the different zodiacs and patterns defined by the stars. As soon as I had found my sign, the tree trunk began to descend.

The trees we once flew over surrounded us and shut us off from the sky once again as we settled on the forest floor. The tiny little path we had been following earlier continued beside us, looking as it had when we left it hours ago. Up ahead, I could see the village glowing lively. Its name is written proudly on a wooden sign almost overcome at the bottom in ivy. However, before we got there, I opened my big mouth again.

"I don't blame you for being so mean; I mean, I would be mean too if my guild partner beat me at everything." That is not how it was supposed to come out, I mean, I was genuinely trying to be nice, but I did not filter the words that left my mouth before. Zora's head turned to me, eyes gaunt and eerie, his brilliant smile no longer on display.

"You wanna run that by me again, Doll?" The venom that surrounded the once cheery nickname made my stomach drop. I felt backed against a corner with miles surrounding me to run off. Quickly I tried to explain what I meant.

"Wait, Zora, that's not what I meant- not how I-"

"No, I think I got it doll, you just think you're that much better than me, huh? So what, you got to some quests before me, stolen relics under my nose, and joined my guild, passing me up in less than four months. I don't care, Honey, 'cause ain't nobody better than me- 'cause ain't no one like me! I don't care how much mana you have, how many spells you cast, how skilled you are, or how fucking perfect you are! None of that is gonna change no matter how gorgeous you are!" Zora's eyes widen, and he clenched his mouth shut, turning away with a growl and turning to walk off toward the village ahead of us.

"You think I'm perfect?" I called out, watching him stop and turn back to look at me. Zora's face was blank as he spoke.

"Are you telling me that out of ALL that, that is the only thing that stuck?" He scoffed, and his eyes narrowed slightly, sharp jaws sent in a deep frown. I walked up to him and stopped a step ahead of him. I held out my hand slowly, making sure I held eye contact with him.

"Truce?" Zora looked at my hand, astonished, which slowly melted away and revealed mixed relief and annoyance. Then, finally, he moved to grip my hand and shake it firmly.

"Truce. Whoa-" I yanked Zora forward, pulling him close, catching his surprised blue eyes before closing my own and going in for a kiss. Fortunately, Zora fell into it almost too easily, slipping his arms around me tight and returning the kiss with a bottled fever. However, after a few seconds, he pushed back, letting me go.

"W-What was that for?" I stared at him, lips still buzzing slightly from the contact.

"I don't know; it felt like the right thing to do. I think you're perfect, handsome too."

[bteezxyewriter12]

Mr. Park~ First Date

Pairing- Seonghwa x Named Reader

Word Count- 3.3k

Includes- Dilf Seonghwa, Age Gap Relationship- Everyone is consenting adults, oral sex, pussy eating, cum eating, sex, riding, multiple orgasms, so much fluff

Series Masterlist

The front door opens and closes

"Jagi?", I call from the living room

When I came home from work an hour ago, she wasn't here. She told me she was doing errands but I didn't know when she'd be back

It's ridiculous how much I miss her when we're apart. I almost can't believe that just a few weeks ago we were living in two separate houses. That feels like a lifetime ago

"Hi baby", she says, coming into the living room

I blink, my mouth opening slightly. She changed her hair. It's pretty, red starting at the top of her head then changing to orange then to yellow at the ends. I like it a lot

"Jagi I love your hair. It's so pretty", I compliment

"Yeah?"

I nod. She smiles, "Thanks baby. I've never done my hair in an ombre before

A what? "What's an ombre?"

She giggles, "Sometimes I forget you're a grandpa"

I roll my eyes, pulling her into my lap, "Ok my little toddler"

She pouts and I laugh, kissing her cheek. "So tell me what an ombre is"

"It's tones of color that shade into each other, going from light to dark. Sometimes it's all the same color in shades, other times it's like my hair, colors that go together"

Huh, I had no idea coloring hair was so involved, "Ok well it's pretty baby."

She giggles, "You're so hot when your clueless"

"Gee thanks jagi". She's still laughing, kissing me. Just her kiss makes everything better

"So what are you doing here, sitting all alone?", she smiles, running her fingers in my hair

"Waiting for you", I answer because, well it's true

"Aww so cute"

I smile, "Jagi, I wanted to ask you something"

"Sure Hwa"

She keeps playing with my hair, smiling and looking at me. I love her so much. Sometimes I just look at her and overflowing love for her fills my body. I'm so happy she's mine

"Do you wanna go on a date with me?"

Her eyebrow raises, "A date?"

I nod, "Yeah baby. We haven't had our first one yet because we were, you know, hiding everything. But everyone knows now and we can go out together."

"Huh. I didn't really think about that. I'm just so used to spending time with you here"

I get that. I didn't think about it either until yesterday at the mall when I told those girls she's my girlfriend. I remembered taking Yumi on dates and I realizes I never took Joanne on one. I want to fix that right away

"I know jagi. So will you go on a date with me?"

She smiles so brightly, "Yeah baby. Of course"

I smile back, "Great jagi. Saturday?"

She nods, "Yeah. I have off that day"

"Good baby". We sit in silence for a few seconds

"Wanna come upstairs with me?", she asks, "I'm gonna change"

Is she kidding. I course I want to go with her. "Yeah jagi. Let's go"

She kisses my cheek, takes my hand and leads me upstairs

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

"Baby you look so beautiful!", I gush as she comes out of the bathroom, looking at her cute pink skirt and white crop top, pretty pink eyeshadow, fuck me sandals and her hair in a pretty braid. I really like the color of her hair. I find myself looking at her hair all the time, looking at the strands changing color. It's cool and yes I'm a huge fanboy for my girlfriend

She doesn't answer and I don't know why

"Hwa...your hair", she gapes

Oh, yeah. I tried a different style and I'm hoping I don't look like a moron. But by her words I think I do

"Oh uh yeah...does it look stup-"

"Fuck, the ponytail is so fucking hot oh my god with the black shirt and black jeans and where did you get that choker, you're so sexy and holy fuck I can't believe you're my boyfriend!", she finishes while I just stand there in shock

Apparently my girlfriend is a fan girl for me. And I'm living for it. Her cheeks turn fire red, avoiding my gaze. I step closer to her, tilt her face up to mine and give her a soft kiss

"How about we're both sexy and are the hottest couple in the universe?", I smile

She nods, "Yeah ok. We are". Damn right we are

"Ready for our first date jagi?"

She nods rapidly, "Yea baby, I'm so excited"

I am too but I'm also so nervous. I haven't had to plan a date in a few years. And I'm actually nervous that she'll think I'm a loser or what I planned was cheesy. Or worse that she wouldn't like it at all

"So it's a surprise baby?", she asks as we get in the car

I nod, "Yeah"

"Ooo exciting", she smiles

"God, I love you", I tell her, happy at how excited she really seems

"I love you too Hwa". She takes my hand as I put the car in to drive

---------------------------------------------------

"Hwa, I'm gonna fall", she giggles

My hands are over her eyes as I lead her to the spot in the park I set up for our date

"I won't let you fall princess", I assure her

"Are we almost there?"

"Yeah baby"

I made her stay in the car while I set up the date, then I went to get her. Positioning her in the right place, I take my hands off her eyes

"That's a pretty tree", she comments, unsure while I start laughing. We stopped in front of a big purple weeping willow tree, the leaves reaching the ground

"Part of our date is under the tree", I reveal

"Under? Really?"

I nod, "C'mon baby"

Pushing aside some branches, I make a little opening for her. She goes in and I follow

"Oh wow Hwa", she gasps softly

Under the tree is a huge space, like a small hidden room. She walks to the blanket I put down for us to sit for a picnic, small candles around the blanket and the food laid out. While it's day light, the leaves are kinda thick with just a little sunlight coming through. I wanted to brighten it up and candles is all I could come up with

She turns to me a huge grin on her face, "Come Hwa"

Both of us sitting down, I ask nervously, "Do you uh like it?"

"I love it Hwa. It's so pretty and romantic". Good that's kinda what I was going for

"Did you get this food from Yunho?"

I blush, nodding. I didn't want to give it away if I made anything.

I tell her this and she giggles, "It's ok baby. I understand. You cook all the time anyway so it's fine"

That's true. She doesn't really know how to cook and I've been teaching her. It's not going well. She tries but I don't know what she does to the food to make it come out..... wrong. So I cook while she does other things in the house. It's still weird sometimes because I'm not used to having some of the chores done for me

"Are you hungry jagi?"

She nods, "Yeah. Are you?"

I nod. Giving her a plate I tell her what the food is. There's four kinds of sandwiches, regular salad, pasta salad, macaroni salad, potato salad, chips, french fries, individual mini pies in cherry, apple and blueberry. There's also lots of fruit; strawberries, cherries, grapes, watermelon, pineapple. He gave us wine, water and so many sodas. He's insane

"Yunho really goes all out huh?"

"You have no idea", I tell her

Both of us load up our plates and start eating

--------------------------------------------------

"No more Hwa", she giggles, leaning back against my chest, away from the strawberry I'm trying to feed her

"It's the last one", I protest

"Ahhh fine. But you have to eat the last cherry"

I roll my eyes, "Fine jagi"

She grabs the cherry, turning in my lap to face me. "Open", she orders and I open my mouth. She puts the cherry in my mouth and I eat it, taking out the seed

"Now you. Open". She does and I stick the strawberry in her mouth

Turning back in my lap, she eats the fruit, leaning against me again. I wrap my arms around her waist, leaning my chin on her shoulder. Turning her head, she kisses my cheek then takes my hand holding on tightly

"I love you Hwa"

"I love you Jo. So much"

I kiss her, leaning her head back on my shoulder. The kiss deepens and I'm so happy just being with her. Just kissing her. Her tongue plays with mine, turning me on, my hands moving on her thigh, slipping under her skirt

Then under her panties. Touching her clit, she gasps in my mouth as I play with her

"Hwa, we're in public. It's day time. Anyone could see", she protests, squirming in my arms

"I don't care baby. And the tree blocks us". I keep my fingers on her clit, rubbing faster

"But...but....", she trails off

"I'll stop if you want me to baby", I say, kissing her cheek and starting to move my hand away. Her hand shoots out, stopping my hand from moving out of her panties

"What happened baby?", I tease

She whimpers softly, "Want you"

"Yeah jagi? I want you too", I say kissing her shoulder, "I always want you"

She leans back into me as I drag kisses along her pretty neck and shoulder. "What do you want baby? Tell me and I'll give it to you"

"I want....I want", she breathes heavily

"What jagi? I'll do whatever you want"

I'll do anything to make her feel good. Anything for her, anytime

I want to make her happy all the time. When she's happy, I'm happy

"Want your tongue", she whimpers

"Mmm. You're lucky I'm still hungry princess"

I quickly move her, laying her down on the blankets, making her yelp from how fast I moved her. Flipping her skirt up, I pull her panties down, tossing them on the blanket

"Open your pretty legs princess"

She does and I lay down immediately, tongue against her, tasting her. She's so much better than food. I fucking love being down here, running my tongue all over her. And from her moans, she loves it too. Her hand grabs onto mine and I intertwine our fingers

"I love you", I tell her, looking up at her

"I love you too baby. So much", she answers, smiling at me

Kissing her thigh, I run my tongue up her pussy, feeling how wet she gets

"Seonghwa", she moans, making me love my name. Sucking her clit in my mouth, I play with her, sliding my fingers inside her. Her cunt squeezes my fingers right away. She's gonna cum soon. I suck and tug on her clit, slamming my fingers into her spot

"Hwa, don't stop. Fuck baby", she whimpers. I don't and the next suck makes her cum

"Seonghwa!", she cries softly, shaking a little

I keep my fingers inside her, letting her cum on them. When she finishes, I pull my fingers out, immediately shoving my tongue inside, licking her cum and swallowing. After I get it all, I shove my fingers in my mouth and suck her off them. God, I can never get enough of her

Sitting back, I take her hands and pull her up, back into my lap, her back to my chest. "Need to be inside you", I whisper in her ear

"Yes baby", she whispers. I fumble with my pants, pulling as much down as I can with her in my lap

"Sit on my dick jagi", I tell her. Holding myself up, she gets me in, sinking all the way down

"Oh god baby, so fucking good", I moan in her ear, "God you're throbbing so much. You want to cum that much again?"

"Yes, Hwa", she whimpers, putting her head back on my shoulder and biting her pretty lips, "Wanna cum on your cock"

"You will baby. You will", I assure her. She moves, slipping up and down my length, completely soaking me. Pleasure hits me hard, making me shake

It's fucking insane. We have sex everyday, sometimes more than once a day but every time it's so incredible, so pleasurable. I hope it never stops being this way

Her wet cunt has a tight hold around me, hugging my cock perfectly. She breathes heavily, moaning while I hold her by her hips helping her fuck me

"Seonghwa!", she yells, shaking in my arms, her pussy spasming around me, her hands squeezing my thighs so hard

"Good girl", I choke out in pleasure, "Good girl. Feels so...so...amazing"

After she cums she just keeps on going, bouncing on me faster than before. I'm so close, I need her to cum again to start my orgasm. I love that it's become that way for me to cum and I wouldn't have it any other way

Moving my hand under her skirt again, I rub her clit fast. She soaks me, her cunt immediately clenching me harder and faster

"Yes baby, fuck, throb on me harder baby. Fuck, choke my cock with your pussy", I groan

"Seonghwa oh god"

"Yes that's it princess. Cream my cock baby. Gimme all your cum"

She stiffens, body trembling, exploding on me, yelling my name. The pleasure that crashes over me is too much, making me cum, stars bursting in my vision..I slam her down, her cunt taking my cock and cum

"Joanne, oh god baby. Jagi"

Once my orgasm is over, I hold on to her laying on the blanket on our sides, spooning her

"You ok baby?", I ask

She nods, "So much better than ok. You?"

"Same", I answer, cuddling into her

"Hwannie we can't fall asleep here", she giggles

"We won't princess. We still have the other part of our date to do"

"There's more?", she asks surprised

"Of course"

I wanted this date to last long since it's our first one so I planned multiple things. Checking my watch, I see that we still have a little time before the next part of the date

"We can cuddle for a little before we have to go"

"Yay", she cheers

We fix our clothes, she turns to me, right in my arms, snuggling close. I kiss her forehead and enjoy being with her under the tree

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I hold her hand as she steps into the yacht. The boat shakes a little from the water and her gaze snaps to me, uneasy on her face

"I got you jagi. I won't let you fall", I assure her. She nods, getting into the yacht without incident

"So uh what are we doing on the boat?", she asks, curiously as we sit on the right side of the boat, right against the edge. I haven't told her about this part of the date. We just came to the harbor and I told her we were getting on a boat

Putting my arm around her with her settling against me, grabbing my free hand, holding it. I play with a strand of her hair, twirling it around. I love how natural it is for us to always touch each other in some way. We do it without thinking

"It's a Han River boat tour baby."

"Oooo yeah? So cool", she says excitedly

I just smile, kissing her forehead. After a few minutes the rest of the people who are going on the tour are on the boat and it starts moving. The yacht's going at a nice pace, not speeding by but not sluggish either

"It's so pretty", she says in awe, looking at the city, millions of lights lighting up the buildings

"Yeah jagi. It is"

She takes out her phone, taking pictures as the yacht moves along the city line. I can't wait for her to see the reason why I picked this as part of the date. It's coming next. The boat stops in front of a bridge

"What's this?"

"Banpo Bridge Fountain"

"It's nice. The water is pretty"

"Just wait jagi", I whisper. A few minutes later the water changes into different colors

"Oh my god", she gasps, her eyes wide, awe on her face

This is what I wanted her to see. The fountain show. The lights, the colorful rainbow displays that change every few seconds

"Hwa, it's so beautiful", she whispers her eyes glued to fountain

And while the fountain show is beautiful, I can't look at it. I can only look at her. I know it's cheesy but I really can't stop looking at her, watching the way her face changes, the surprise when the colors change, the gorgeous smile as the show goes on. How the colors are reflected in her eyes. She's stunning, the most gorgeous thing I've ever laid my eyes on

She looks at me, smiling. "Hwa that is amazing!", she squeals, hugging me tightly, "Thank you for planning this baby!"

I laugh, hugging her tightly, "I'm glad you like it jagi"

She pulls away, shaking her head, touching my cheek, "It's not just the light show baby. It's because you're here, with me"

My heart overflows with happiness and so much love

"I know what you mean jagi. Being with you is everything"

She pulls me to her, kissing me in front of the bridge, the lights changing behind us

It's perfect

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Getting out of the car, I get out a blanket and take her hand

"Come jagi", I tell her, leading her to the park across the street from my house

"Where?"

"The park. Our date's not over yet"

She giggles, following me. We walk to a small hill, nothing around us- no trees, no kids playset. Just grass

Laying out the blanket, I lay down on my back and beckon her to come. She sits down, laying on her side. I put my arm around her, her head on my shoulder, her hand on my chest and cuddling close to me

"Are we stargazing?", she teases

"Exactly jagi. I thought it's be a nice calm way to end the day. And we live right across the street"

"It is the perfect way to end the day", she agrees, looking up into the sky

I look up too and it's a beautiful clear sky, the stars bright

"I never know how people find constellations. It just looks like scattered stars", she comments

"I don't know either jagi. But we can make our own"

"Yeah", she says excitedly, "There's a triangle"

She points to one star then draws the triangle for me. I point to another cluster of stars, "There's a circle"

We go through each shape, then continue on to animals, completely making stuff up

"A sloth. My spirit animal", she says making me burst out laughing

"You do like to sleep princess"

"I do. But the best is sleeping in your arms", she smiles at me

I smile because I know what she means. Sleeping with her in my arms or with hers around me is heaven

"Thanks for today Hwa. I had so much fun. The day was perfect"

"I'm glad you liked it jagi. I was kinda worried that the things I planned were cheesy", I confess

"No baby", she says, shaking her head, "Maybe if it was anyone else but not you. Everything was perfect. You are perfect. And I love you more than anything"

I love how she makes me feel. Wanted and unbelievably loved

"I love you Jo. So much"

I press my lips to hers in a soft kiss, her hand touching my cheek gently. After, she turns back to the sky and I look with her so happy the day went perfectly

@sktbzc0re @sherrybirkingirl @hijirikaww