#...better for the disorder i take it for. so i never switched it up bc my daily quality of life is more important to me.

[fantabulisticity]

So. Never in my life have I been able to feel my orgasms (because of the meds I take). I have them, but I can't feel them. Until now. Last night, I had an orgasm I could feel for the first time ever. And it was SO GOOD 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 It lasted SO LONG. Just kept going on and on and on. It was WILD. I cried afterwards, from the physical relief of it being over and from the realization of what it was and from joy and gratefulness that I could actually feel it. Holy shit. It was AMAZING. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[loving-family-poll]

i fear we are departing from incest but i love to hear myself talk so i shall tell you about my sister's complex about me. first we have to establish some things: my sister is older than me (the oldest of us all, i'm second oldest, just mentioning it bc me not being the youngest feels important here), my sister has an inferiority complex that stems from me being the successful one (probably will come up later but i was a very smart kid and ended up skipping so many grades that i started college at 15), and that my sister has always had bad anxiety and is very very sensitive to rejection

so. let's start from the beginning. our father left us young, didn't pay child support, was generally an asshole, but most importantly he would visit for one reason: me. i was the favorite because, as i mentioned, i was a smart kid and he is very success-oriented so naturally he took to me (and off-topic but this happens so often. like very very success driven people have been weirdly into me since i was a little kid. weird shit but i've used it to my advantage cough cough getting a kid flunked and almost expelled) so anyway our father visits us just for me, even tells me about all the women he was cheating on my mom with before they got divorced. and my sister? my sister has bad anxiety, she's sensitive to being left out. and more than that she has very very strong rejection sensitivity. so how do you think it'd feel to be the oldest child and yet be ignored by our father (this did not affect my other siblings they were too young). so this puts me above her in her mind

she fails a lot in school and this wrecks her confidence, especially since i've always been greatly successful in school. she's pushed aside by her father for me, she's pushed away by her teachers for me (to the point that i would have a teacher for a short time before i'd test out and they'd still call her my name no matter how long she had them). she also has very poor social skills so she was never liked by her peers while i was funny and i was smart and i was such a goody-two-shoes brat but teachers adored me to the point that i could get away with anything i wanted (yes i was pulling shit i think i had a habit of attacking one of my teachers and everyone was cool with it) and she'd be scolded for any little issues because she wasn't as liked + she was more frustrating (she had untreated adhd for a hot minute). keep in mind that most of this was happening while we were both under 10/11

so. you'd think that she would have some deep-seated resentment against me. and you would be correct! now idk what you know about psychology and chances are it's bs anyway (<-psych major that does not trust the field in the slightest) but there's this nifty little concept called reaction formation. it's freudian so. take that as you will. but basically it's just when a strong emotion switches from one to another. for example: hate to love, love to hate… resentment to adoration?

so that's my theory for the basis of this. she has an inferiority complex and a sensitivity to rejection and i was everything she wasn't and for whatever reason her kid brain said hey, why not love my sister instead. and honestly this wasn't that like. prevalent until we teenagers, because i became very neurotic and anxious and developed some disorders you know how it is. and now we see something new in my sister: she likes to take care of people. if i couldn't do something she would do it for me, if someone was pushing my boundaries she would enforce them. i basically spent all of middleschool hiding away in our home (i was homeschooled atp) with only her for company since i'd hide in our room. so she;s taken on the role of being my protector. probably because if she would never be better than me, at least she could be the one protecting me. it made her important. it made her necessary. it made her feel needed. and that is when i catch on. i encouraged her a bit, started praising her, thanking her for any little thing she did, calling for her anytime i needed help because she just loves to feel needed so badly. and yeah maybe that was manipulative and maybe it was wrong but i was also like. 14 or 15 when i started doing this

anyway so she has this whole complex about needing to protect me so that she can feel needed and it's all fueled by her inferiority complex that honestly drives so much of what she does. i find it highly amusing.

so yeah. she's basically a dog to me. tell her she's good and give her a treat and she'll do what you want. and if she does something that makes me upset she folds so fucking quickly it's wild. it's that fear of rejection. she could never stand for me of all people to drop her

and to the person who wanted us in the tournament together sorry but we are just weird about each other in a not-so-incesty way but the vibes are kinda there

The way I was glued to this ask reading SO intently. What you two have going on is so much weirder than if you'd just fucked (complimentary)

[youremyheaven]

helloooo hope im not bothering you but do you have any natural remedies for anxiety? i figured you would know because you really do seem to have experience with things like this

methods that preferably don’t involve ingesting anything because sometimes when it’s really bad my gag reflex kicks up with everything i put in my mouth 😓😓 for context ive been properly diagnosed with an anxiety disorder but i remember there was a three week period as a child where i was effectively mute because anxiety and i couldn’t make eye contact or everything and now whenever i get a panic attack i think of that muteness and panic even more because i cannot risk losing my voice again at this big age 😭😭 must be something with the sky and planets or it could be my third house saturn making itself known again

- mother anon (also so proud of you for your new boyfriend!! who would’ve thought? (i did. i knew the very moment you first mentioned him.) but also like how did the confession and entrance into the relationship happen?? from fwbs to lovers is so 🤞🤞 cute but how does a conversation like that even happen and go ANDDD the fact that you previously mentioned your type to me in response to an ask and now this guys seems perfectly like that? okay go manifesting queen i see you 🤭)

selective mutism is something i struggled with as a child so i know how bad it can get and how awful it feels!!!

yoga and meditation is what helps me with anxiety. also camomile tea, peppermint tea, green tea etc helps calm you down. ik a lot of people think its hogwash to drink tea to help with symptoms BUT I PROMISE YOU ITS NOT, these are crushed plant bits and these plants have actual medicinal properties!!! this is NOT placebo!!! its the OG natural remedy!!

throat chakra cleansing mudras and asanas could help u. when i was at the peak of my panic attack-y anxiety episodes, i would lie face down on my yoga mat and just stay there until i felt better (sometimes this would take hours). my therapist at the time told me to submerge my feet in ice cold water because it makes the nerves chill out (literally) and that helped too. running or walking could also help you. chanting really helped me and thats also what my therapist recommended.

JSJDHHDHHFHF u guys being proud of me for getting a man is so funny 🤣🤣like its not an achievement but tbh it does kinda feel like one hehe 🥺bc my pookie is a good man

firsttttt of all, we weren't fwb 😭he had asked me out before and i had said no 😭 (this was a few months ago) and then we started hanging out (one on one) (in July) and one night after i hadn't seen him for like a week (because he had gone to a different city for work) i felt feral for him (i was also ovulating) and although i had no intentions as such for the two of us, I started touching him and coming onto him and he just 😊was clueless until I started kissing him and told him I want him inside me lmaooo. so tbh, we were kindaa??? dating?? (going out and spending time with a person, holding hands, cuddling etc) i think its after i became intimate with him that i realised how much i liked him lmaooo and then i wondered about where this was going etc and i asked him and we were on the same page (we both reallyyyy like each other and want to be together).

idk about other people but he wasnt someone who went from friend to fckbuddy to boyfriend. he was a guy in my social circle who had asked me out and made his intentions with me veryyy clear from the get go. I had friendzoned him 😬and despite never having friendly intentions 😈he was always respectful and never tried to cross the line. (he's a Jupiter influenced man after all hehe<3)

it wasnt an overnight switch,, it was always romantic from his end. i didnt realise how gentlemanly and chivalrous he was until i started hanging out with him (by the time we had become intimate, i had already gone out with him 4 -5 times) and he's just sooo manlyyyy and mature,, its so hot to me. so for me, it took more time to see him that way??? so even tho i said i had sex with a friend, we were technically dating at that point lol,, it wasnt a random "hey meet me, i want to bang u tonight" situation

he does fit my type to a TEE hehe <333 i hope i manifest everything else in life this way<333 like everytime im with him, im just like??? did i write this man into existence?? bc wtf ??? 🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬

[weabooweedwitch]

I dunno I kinda get the vibe that you also view your mom as a defective loser who can't change? you don't really have any nice things to say about her and seem to hate her about as much as you hate yourself (not to say that your mom isn't a pain and immature as fuck to boot bc she absolutely is). you call her subhuman and an idiot and all these horrible things a lot, before I thought it was just harsh online venting of your deepest most private thoughts but I guess you say that stuff to her irl too? just from seeing those texts, I feel bad because I know you're going thru a lot and you're hurting I don't want to make it worse but I kinda had to agree with the verbal aggression and suicide threats comment. not defending your mom, she is a pain-in-the-ass womanchild, but I can kind of understand why she's so defensive and reactive if that really is the way you speak to her. I'm sorry I know that's probably not what you want to hear or the most validating thing, your feelings are absolutely valid too here and I understand how grating having that type of parent can be, as someone who has a similar-but-maybe-not-as-bad situation over here

btw, as I understand it personality disorders are actually very responsive to therapy. the only reason people with certain disorders like aspd and npd don't get better is because a lot of them don't view themselves as having a problem or view their life problems as mostly other people's fault and don't want to hear the negative criticism. bpd has a very good prognosis too for those that recognize a need to change their behavior.

I mean, ultimately yes, i am real shitty to her off and on, but my opinion I guess is that, the temper and the insults are something that developed over time and is specific to our specific relationship. Like my mom and I have always kind of butted heads, but me being, I guess openly malicious towards her is a development that came about within the last few years, or decade maybe, just progressing over time

It's sort of like, you know, one of the things I hate the most is having to repeat myself because someone wasn't listening the first time, and with my mom, we just have the same issues over and over again that are never resolved, or I keep seeing weird behaviors in her, or she makes decisions that I find literally nonsensical. And its just. I look at her and I see someone still making all the same mistakes she always has, and it makes me angry because, I mean, my entire childhood was fucking ruined from constantly moving and literally being trapped in cars with her while she ranted. My relationship with extended family was ruined just because she had personal grudges that I kinda lowkey think are also her fault tbh. I got moved away from my grandmother because my mom was randomly like "oh I can't find any jobs in Missouri, let's just move 8 hours away to Wisconsin" and she didn't regret it but like, my older sister was completely devastated, and by that age, I myself was so desensitized to the constant instability that I was like "well yeah I don't mind moving again, we switch schools almost every single year or sometimes twice a year, do you really expect me to have any friends to even miss"

Like this developed over time. I didn't always feel this way about her. But as I've grown up, I've changed and she hasn't. She's still the exact same person. Even my father says she is literally the exact same person. It's like the thing with her moving my hairbrush out of the shower and never putting it back. I had to tell her over and over to stop even taking it out, that it's literally just a fucking hairbrush, stop taking it out of the shower where I keep it amd not putting it back and also it quite literally wasn't in her way in any way whatsoever, and she kept doing it, and there's only so many times you can "hey mom please don't do this" "mom please just put it back ok literally just put it back after you remove it" "ok I've asked you repeatedly can you stop touching my fucking hairbrush i need in the shower" until you snap and say "alright you STUPID CUNT if you do this one more time I'll remove YOUR things from the shower and I'll take them straight out to the dumpster" and THAT got her to finally stop

Like it's literally gotten to "you don't listen to me when I'm nice so why should I even waste my emotional energy pretending to be nice to you when i don't think you deserve it". "Why should I act nice to you when I feel so massively unsupported and drained and exploited by you"

Like she quite literally doesn't fucking listen, TO ANYONE. You can communicate clear as day with her and she'll still do whatever the fuck she wants. In the past my sister stopped even letting us into her apartment because my mom would start TOUCHING THINGS every single time we were there, like literally opening her fucking cabinets and touching her dishes and unloading her dishwasher, until my sister was basically screaming at her to stop and then it's "ugh Emily is so hysterical she doesn't take her medicine" like no you fucking dumbass you won't let her have agency over her own belongings in her own apartment after she moved out to literally run away from you and you're still doing it to her as an adult and she'll just look at how extremely upset you are "ugh I was just trying to help 🙄 you should think about how I FEEL"

She pushes and pushes and pushes and then when you snap and lose your patience with her, she goes straight for your fucking throat and acts like everything is your fault and she's just the blameless fucking saint. Sometimes I wonder if she is even capable of giving legitimate apologies because any time you bring anything up with her, no matter how valid you are, no matter how upset you are, she just Always responds with "im sorry but *laundry list of excuses*" or "no that's not what happened. You exaggerate. You need to be medicated." Or the favorite, classical deflection she always uses of "well what about when YOU--"

She will tell you every single day the exact same suggestion that you have already said no to. I was literally growing up in school and she'd constantly say "oh you're so smart, you could be a doctor" until I was telling her over and over "I DONT WANT TO and you make STRESSED OUT because it feels like you're trying to force me". Jesus fucking christ for example it literally makes my goddamn blood BOIL absolutely fucking BOIL that she still says "you should put highlights in your hair" when I've been telling her MY ENTIRE LIFE I DON'T WANT TO, I DONT WANT TO DYE MY HAIR, I DON'T WANT CHEMICALS AND BLEACHES, and she literally STILL SAYS IT like it's this kind of thing that makes me go "what would actually make you listen, fucking beating you like your ex husband? Are all these 'abusive relationships' you cry about and told us about when we were inappropriately young to try and squeeze sympathy out of us just you pushing people until they swing on you"

Like. I'm 26 years old and I feel like my own mother doesn't even try to understand me and i feel like if you asked her a list of personal questions about me that she'd gst most of them wrong. And I also feel like, and have felt like for a long time, that, well I guess to outright be cruel, the biggest reason she had kids was because literally no one liked her and i guess she thought children would have some sort of indentured love to her. She won't even like acknowledge i was an accidental pregnancy, she just deflects and says "no you're my miracle baby bc after I had you I found out I had endo-" "ok but mom you were not actively trying to be pregnant and you didn't like my father by the time I was born can you just at least say I was I unplanned, I'm not even saying it as you hating me, can you just acknowledge I was an unplanned pregnancy" "no :)"

I get absolutely no closure with her. Like. This might seem like an extreme comparison but the other day I was watching bodycam footage for the arrest of Joey McVay, a 10 year old who shot his mom. The story is all "oh his mom shot him because he got mad when he was asked to do chores" but then they dug a little deeper and asked the grandmother and the story was "oh this kid had a disability and his mom was actually a rude slob who worked him like a horse while also still treating him as defiant and incompetent and stupid and even being physically abusive and his house was a borderline dilapidated shack and he snapped and shot her because she made him feel literally worthless" and I was watching that thinking, wow that could have been me.

It's the constant like dehumanization she has pushed upon me while also expecting me to listen to her rant and rant and rant for years about her own problems. 'Sympathy for me but not for thee' kinda shit. I can't keep pouring from an empty cup bro? I can't give sympathy that's no longer there because it was sucked out of me like some kind of energy vampire

Ok but like exactly as I'm typing this my mom woke up and I mentioned to her how I'm trying to book with a dermatologist bc I'm having hair thinning and nail denting and I didn't want to be on the phone so I start trying to Google online, and then I end that topic and switch to , bringing up to her this personality disorder conversation, and she literally fucking interrupts me in the middle of my sentence "do you want me to make the call for you" and I just broke down sobbing because I'm sitting here reopening all my emotional wounds to write this post about how unheard I am and, there she goes doing it again, and now I'm refusing to speak to her because like, you didn't let me speak the first time, why should I waste my time saying it all again 🙃

I dont know. I guess it sounds mean but at this point she does it to herself. I've been worn down and demanded to care over and over while being ignored so now I have no sympathy. At this point its no longer "oh gosh I'm sorry that happened to you" and now it's "well what mistake did you make to fuck things up this time" which, in my defense, like, she does cause most of the problems in her life and my own. Like my god there was a period of time where we had just moved and we barely had any money I mean like financially struggling and she's like "oh I hate having all our canned goods on the floor, it just looks so GHETTO, I don't like it" and she ordered furniture off online and it. It literally. We've lived here for like two years and it still isn't fully assembled becuase she didn't read the instructions when she made it and refused to finish it without my help. Like we barely had money for rent and she wasted money on, a cabinet, because things not looking nice made her feel bad. And then in that same period of time she tried to order a dining room table that we have literally no room for, and I can't even tell you how many months ago she ordered a larger size glass enclosure for her bearded dragon and its been sitting in a box for literal months because. Uh. She expects me to help her assemble it and I told her straight up she shouldn't have even bought it if she won't even put together HER cage for HER pet which she takes poor care of, though I'm one to talk considering how little I've gotten to hold Louie

You just. Can't keep demanding sympathy and never giving it back? You can't raise your daughter constantly texting her instead of speaking to her for every little "oh I have a headache bring me a glass of water" to like the point there were periods of time she'd be lying in bed just shouting out for me instead of getting it herself and I'd barge into the room "it's just a glass of water your bedroom is literally next to the bathroom and we have neighbors, stop shouting you stupid bitch"

Like it gave me a COMPLEX. I've been sick and throwing up and refusing to take medicine and refusing any help from her because I grew up watching her pop pills for everything and argue with doctors and just constantly want help that I never saw returned the same way. She's on the couch next to me right now and she's trying to talk to me and I'm still so upset over being interrupted earlier I'm just popping earbuds in and pretending she isn't even here because the couch and her office chair are the only seats in this whole apartment which of course means she lives on it

Like maybe I could overcome my trauma and change with therapy. But mom? She'll argue with doctors. She'll argue with therapists. She'll like you and then you'll make the smallest slight against her and suddenly she wants nothing to do with you and has a laundry list of things she hates about you. She's a fair-weather mother and I'm sick of it. It's at the point where ant help or assistance or support or love she gives me almost doesn't even matter anymore because the constant mistakes and talking over me is still so constant that there's like a 70/30 hate to love ratio at this point.

I know that's a lot of text but, yeah I guess I can still keep certain disorders in mind but my mom is literally the only person I treat like this

[70eeznutz]

i’m gonna make a better intro/pinned post bc fuck it

i interact from @evervirescent, i also run a dragonvale blog @the-obsidian-equinox

about me

pronoun page

you can call me Virescent or Hades

neither are my legal name, Hades is a nickname someone gave me a long time ago bc it sounds similar to my legal name and i realized it works well online

genderfluid she/he/they

(i often get confused if someone switches between different pronouns really fast when referring to the same person if multiple people are being mentioned. also i’m afab so i’m most used to she/her but i really have no preference. i don’t mind if you only use one pronoun for me, especially if that makes it easier for you)

adult (born in 2004)

pacific time zone (california)

white & grew up upper middle class with good parents, so please educate me if there’s something i wouldn’t understand!

autistic

mentally ill, but no personality or psychotic disorders

i do have a few triggers but they’re very specific

as an attempt survivor, i have no tolerance for telling someone to take their own life. it doesn’t matter how universally hated that person might be. if i see someone do this, i will block and report them, unless i can clearly tell it’s a joke. i would also prefer if people don’t make those jokes around me unless i’ve given the okay.

blog content

in theory i can write and draw but i almost never make fan content for anxiety reasons IM DOING IT GUYS!! IM GODDAMN DOING IT!!

i usually just post memes or talk about xfohv and algebralians a normal amount

i might talk or reblog about other object shows too. occasionally.

i try to tag things that may be uncomfortable or triggering but i do not do a perfect job. if you need me to tag something please leave a reply to the post in question

sometimes I misspell words or use slang and abbreviations that likely won’t work in a translator, so if you would like me to write something in a way that’s easier to translate, just let me know!

i don’t kin or simp for any characters but i can project onto them really really hard

my favorite posts will be tagged with #pinned to the fridge

my favorite ships are sevensix, 4X, nineflop, and three x five

i also love queerplatonic eight x ten

if you want to know the exact details of everything i ship and in what ways you can go to #xfohv ship chart but be warned as i use homestuck concepts

you can repost my memes just don’t claim they’re yours (i actually get excited when i see smth i made somewhere else)

on the topic of discourse/etc (don’t worry!)

i try my best to keep an open mind and see from the perspective of all sides of various topics

i will not disclose my stance on any topics because i want to keep my blog discourse free, and i also want to interact with people of different opinions so i can privately learn and understand everyone better. this does still mean i have sides i agree and disagree with, but these aren’t set in stone and aren’t relevant right now.

i believe no one actually wants to be the bad guy and most people are only trying to help, so we should all work together to find out how to help as many people as we can. we should discuss instead of argue, and mutually work toward fully understanding these topics

i will still block people who go out of their way to harass or attack others ESPECIALLY if they encourage harm on anyone

needless to say, i have no DNI, but you still might not want to follow me if you’re not comfortable with the above information. i don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable here.

this post may be updated in the future if i think of something i want to add but for now that’s it

[heartfucksmouth]

I've been more productive the last couple days despite being in the ER over the weekend. my BP/pots stuff is out of whack but I'm seeing my pcp tomorrow and shecreferred me to get a tilt table with a specialist in Boston already.

I def hit a wall of exhaustion by mid-afternoon and I feel like that's when my BP skyrockets. probably doesn't help that i reach fir a second cup of coffee around then. I'm trying to switch to herbal/mushroom coffee for my 2nd cup but it's hard to find one that I can consistently afford. maybe a tincture instead? idk.

I have high triglycerides and my a1c is borderline pre-diabetic which scares the shit out if me. I'm sure it's my diet since the people who are cooking are diabetic and have had heart attacks. it's gonna be really tough to change that unless maybe we meal prep? how am I gonna meal prep with a 7 month old and very limited access to the kitchen lmao. I downloaded this cookbook that's the sad bsstards cookbook or something bc it's supposed to be great for trying to incorporate nutrition on little energy. we still gave the issue of never ever having dark leafy greens... just carrots peas and potatoes and it bugs me so bad haha. I get nervous my disordered eating will come back with having to watch what I eat more. I guess it's all stuff to speak with my pcp about. now that I have one who seems to give a shit.

I so wish I could clean out my closet of all my clothes and create a capsule wardrobe so there's less space taken up and less laundry. I live in leggings and sweatpants and big t shirts and I wish I knew how to dress my "new" body without hating it. I am still the same exact weight after giving birth and it's been 7 months! my body has changed and I've gained muscle but it's bizarre. and ofc it's all my tummy that's causing the issues. it's the c section shelf, the loose skin, and the weird way my abs are sitting. I don't know how to dress when I've never been this shape. before. I just wanna feel attractive/put together sometimes.

I'm frustrated with a lot but I'm taking steps to make some changes and hopefully I'll find a balance where my fatigue can be managed better so I can be a more present parent and not have my living space constantly a mess. and now Aidan is so big he's like breaking my spine carrying him around... but damn I love the cuddles he gives me!

[fawn-soul]

I'm not sure how old you are, and regardless, i support any body modifications you want.

But I do just want to say a few things. One, that body dysmorphia is so powerful. I used to believe I was the ugliest person ever and truly thought everyone was lying to me. Until i looked back on the same photos years later and realized my brain was just fucking with me. Two, it's insane how much ive grown into my looks over the years. I still don't think im pretty, but I definitely look better than a few years ago. And finally, ive been watching this youtuber named Stephanie Lange recently. And I watched this video where she talked about different celebrities that regretted changing their faces for those reasons but also bc they no longer looked like their ancestors. Something that may not matter to you. It never really mattered to me. But sometimes i see little details of my great grandparents or smt, that I recognize in myself and it feels nice.

Anyway, your body your choice of course!

But also surgery is expensive and that money could be spent on, getting a scuba license or buying a all your friends switches ahaga

I appreciate the message friend!!

Rationally I know I have body dysmorphic disorder and the fucked up things that does to your perception, but at the same time I am 100% utterly convinced I am ugly. Like you said, anyone telling me otherwise is like trying to convince someone the sky is red instead of blue. I either think they're lying or conflating the fact that I'm good at performing femininity with attractiveness. I'm a lot better now than I was 10 years ago when I literally couldn't leave the house because of it but every once in a while I'll have a really bad couple of days where I'm just so distressed over how I look that getting radical and invasive plastic surgery seems like my only hope. Unfortunately it seems like it's one of those days! :,) But you are right that there are likely many more fulfilling uses of my money and time.

I've heard good things about Stephanie Lange so I will check her videos out.

Thank you again for reaching out and taking your time to try and help me, it really does mean a lot! 💕

[newfantasy]

rare did mumblings

it is hard for me to communicate since for. ""us"" it is a one-way street. i don't - or rarely anyway, - hear their thoughts/feelings. i am a tactile thinker anyway. to me i err just always black out & wake up out of a dream when switching. their conversations & livings feel so different and i tend not to investigate in what theyve done. it feels so invasive. and it works vice versa. i dont. like them. interacting with my things...

but from my understanding they can very well eavesdrop on my life, lol. they play in a Mind Palace or whatever. they talk amongst themselves. when im switched out they talk to me although i never remember this. i am just incapable of that. something in me is unreceptive.

my moment of eruption was definitely when, mom died, as much as i go "oh my first word" or "oh when i was 4" these are like. cold numbness recollections. factoids. only from mom's death do i remember things, and feel things that were me, my own independent thoughts. it's why i don't ID with my birth name because. that's not me. that being the host who has just sort of locked herself(?) away forever. afaik totally nonverbal, in text too, only making herself acknowledged when someone (historically: sai) is worried about me. i dont recall seeing anyone else like this. anyone who is so frequently out as an alter, and not the host. ha.....

i err 'talk' or regard the others so little, they arent present enough, that they arent. named. or have pronouns. there was the months long grand theft me but even that guy is. unnamed. seemingly pronounless beyond. "trying to be ouma but Better." kind of a funny, situation in retrospect like ah... is this how a more colder sys would view me, lol. some guy just arriving and taking over.

and i suppose i am morose bc DID is supposed to be a Coping disorder. everyone handles things. make life easier. but not for us it seems. maybe bc im too possessive or just how we operate...

i wish i could co-op with my DID but instead I simply lock the Others in a box. this is my life. not yours.......

[constellaj]

top ten danny phantom episodes based solely on how gay dash is in them

i will not be ranking these based on plot, animation, or literally any other criteria ok here we go

10: Public Enemies

dash himself is not very gay in this one but danny does beat him up and he gets the angst of being possessed and not remembering what happens. also this screenshot is literally so gay

4/10 for wasted potential in proving dash is gay. this couldve gone so much harder. but bonus points for for passed out dash

9: Doctor’s Disorders

fellas is it gay to lock yourself in a bathroom stall so fenturd doesnt see the horrible monster youve become, tell him to ‘get away,’ and then pass out before being able to fight him despite being a school jock who could probably deal some damage and has a better immune system than the other kids? is it also gay to then when your entire life revolves around ghosts and having ghost powers to watch a sappy romcom while waiting for phantom to come save you? the answer is yes. 6/10 again it couldve gone harder

8: Frightmare

again dash himself isnt explicitly gay in this episode. but danny why is your ultimate dream scenario being best friends with dash and having him know your secret. it gets a higher rating than the other two bc its literally a wish fulfillment scenario aka 174% more gay. but mathematically speaking 2/10 for baiting me with dash in the first two minutes and then never bringing him back

7: Forever Phantom

“watch it, fentertainment tonight! i’m chasin’ a real somebody!” 10/10

also spending the entire episode devoted to hanging with phantom + another reference to the romance channel. not very nuanced but still very gay

6: Reality Trip

what do you think it means when the school jock finds out your secret, wastes exactly 0 time in helping you, and finds a way to shoehorn in giving you his clothes to wear while doing it. dash was only in this entire movie for like 4 minutes but damn if he wasnt homosexual for all of them 7/10

5: Ultimate Enemy

”but dash wasn’t even IN the ultimate enemy!!11!1!” EXACTLY. if older dash had been in the future with dark dan he simply would have smooched him and then there would have been no conflict. if younger dash had shown up to the big fight then dark dan wouldve broke down sobbing at what couldve been. they had to restrain dash from this entire episode bc of his power. 9/10 i know the truth.

4: Splitting Images

it is important to remember that dash has no goddamn idea that’s sidney. danny literally does 1 (one) nice thing for him and dash decides “ok well i will be his best friend and play football with him and be impressed by his skills and then throw a party and also put my hands on his shoulders several times.” this proves my point that if danny werent a little shit he and dash would already have been dating by the time the show starts. 8/10 for letting dash be mundanely gay instead of knowing anything about ghosts. it doesnt happen very often

3: Attack of the Killer Garage Sale

do you ever just get a tutor who happens to be the exact sister of that nerd you pick on and also call him a twink and then invite him to your party even though you do not have to and specifically tell him the dress code and get him at the popular kids table and then realize he might not have the money for the dress code so you intentionally seek him out to give him money for some computery thing you dont know about but you also also realize that probably isnt enough so last minute you change the entire dress code to something you know he has and wear his exact outfit to make him seem cool by comparison. do you ever do that.

also these two shots are back to back 10/10

2: Micro Management

the pièce de résistance of all dash content. im talking 20 minutes of nonstop dash. im talking taking every opportunity to talk about how cool phantom is. im talking abt getting grabbed by phantom to be saved by him. im talking abt having a mental breakdown cause you think youre not good enough. im talking about casually flirting via jokes. im talking being unable to stop thinking abt fenton even when youre face to face with your biggest hero. im talking about saying “we did it!!! :D” to cheer on said hero. im talking taking his hand. holding his hand. being lifted or pulled. im talking abt flipping the switch to save the day! im talking abt micro fucking management baybey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 12/10

but what in the goddamn world could have more gay dash than micro management??? well ill tell you

1: Pirate Radio

he SAVES him. he calls him a hero. they are on EQUAL FOOTING and they KNOW IT. they have MATCHING GODDAMN OUTFITS!!!!!!!!!!! dashs personality doesnt have to be absolutely scrapped for him to be gay (”but i will be wailing on you”) but he clearly DOES get better (”sorry, old habits.”) he puts his heart and soul into fighting side by side w danny and we dont even SEE dashs parents which means that is Not Exactly The Reason he Is Here. he also believes with 0 hesitation that fenton is capable of throwing a total rager. NO there is not as much dash here as in micro management but. i mean look at these screenshots. THIS is gay representation. THESE are some genuine fucking boyfriends. 18/10

[curlsofsagesmoke]

TMNT (2012) characters as dysfunctional family roles

here I go again analyzing a kids show that ended four years ago. anyway, I saw a tiktok by user doinbigthink where they gave a quick overview of the six kinds of dysfunctional family roles, and I immediately thought of tmnt bc it’s my current hyperfixation. so I spent almost an hour doing research and writing up this analysis, as one does.

as a preface: dysfunction in a family can be caused by anything from someone struggling with addiction to a parent being abusive or unavailable/neglectful to someone having narcissistic personality disorder (npd) etc. etc. Usually there is one person who is the root cause of this (very deep seated) dysfunction and the others in the family (often the kids) fall into these roles in order to cope.

Leo: The Hero

The Hero is often the oldest child. They cope with the dysfunction in the family by being high achievers or perfectionists, and they need a sense of control in order to feel safe within the family. They are seen as very well-adjusted, balanced, and high-functional and are often used as an example of how well the family as a whole is doing. They may allow this misconception to continue (whether consciously or unconsciously) in order to hide the family’s problems. They may be parentified as children (that is, forced to take on a parental role for their younger siblings) and usually feel a lot of pressure to solve the family’s issues. With Leo in particular, you see these two behaviors in the way he approaches leading his brothers as well as the way he obsessed over bringing Karai into the family for Splinter’s sake after discovering her true identity. As an adult, the Hero is often drawn toward romantic partners who are emotionally unavailable (again, see Leo’s crush on Karai) and tend to throw themselves into their work (Leo’s obsession with ninjutsu)

Leo: The Golden Child

The Golden Child is not a dysfunctional family role but instead describes a relationship that develops between a parent/guardian with npd and one of the children in the family. In these cases, the parent tends to favor the Golden Child because the Golden Child exhibits all the traits the parent loves in themselves. In Splinter and Leo’s case, these characteristics are their devotion to ninjutsu, their general temperaments, and their more spiritual/mystic natures. There are MANY examples of this favoritism in TMNT canon; for example, Splinter teaching Leo his reiki technique (the healing hands) in “the deadly venom” because everyone things Leo is the most capable of learning such an advanced technique (in the episode, Donnie says that he doesn’t think anyone else on the team could’ve done what Leo did, i.e. using the healing hands on himself and saving the others from karai). The parent has a volatile relationship with the Golden Child and often their love is conditional (that is, the parent will favor the Golden Child as long as the Golden Child continues to act like the parent). Because of this, the Golden Child often has trouble establishing an independent identity (see: Raph calling Leo “Splinter Jr.”, though I can’t remember if this happens in 2012 or just in the 2003 version). The Golden Child may also participate in the narcissistic parent’s abuse against the other children in order to protect themself (this is less explicit in canon, but I think that Leo’s leadership style fits this bill)

Raph: The Scapegoat

The Scapegoat is often the second child. As the name suggests, they are often blamed for things that go wrong in the family regardless of whether it was actually their fault or not. Scapegoats are often very aware of their position in the family and as a result they may feel rejected, isolated, and unlovable. I think a good example of Raph feeling like this is the fact that, early in the show, he only openly expresses his emotions to Spike. Scapegoats learn that negative attention is better than no attention (especially from a parent/guardian) and they often engage in high risk behaviors such as sex, drugs, etc. (in Raph’s case, his reckless fighting style and the way he seeks out fights, and this also explains his temper and overall angry demeanor). Because of this, they tend to get into a lot of trouble and are often singled out as the child who needs individual help (aka therapy) even though the root problems lie with the family as a unit. In cases where the parent has npd the Scapegoat is often pitted against the Golden Child. This is called splitting and it is another way to distract from the family’s deeper issues. I feel like I don’t need to explain the way that Leo and Raph are pitted against each other.

Donnie: The Lost Child

The Lost Child, as the name implies, often fades into the background. Usually this is on purpose in an effort to keep themself safe, as they might be scared to draw attention to themself or rock the boat, especially in an abusive household. They may often feel ignored or neglected and are often described as loners who have difficulty developing social skills or self-esteem. Like the Hero, the Lost Child is often used as an example of the family’s stability and success because they aren’t causing trouble. They tend to struggle when forming friendships/romantic relationships, and they are usually praised for not needing a lot of attention/being independent. Because of this, they feel safer when they’re by themselves. Although Donnie does cause trouble sometimes (see: all the times he’s blown some shit up in the lab, the Mutagen man thing, etc.), he’s not seen as the troublemaker. Raph (and Mikey, to a certain extent) definitely takes that title. Donnie is often alone in his lab---working, admittedly, but he still tends to isolate himself, and he is often seen as the most socially awkward of the brothers (see: his relationship with April). There’s also this very interesting exchange from the episode “Enemy of My Enemy” when they’re in the Shellraiser and Leo is about to take the stealth bike to help Karai:

Raph: Hey, the stealth bike’s my thing. Leo: Now your thing is sucking it up. Donnie: Hey! That’s my thing!

Mikey: The Mascot

The Mascot is often the youngest child. They use humor and goofiness to diffuse tension and distract the family from their issues, though when this works, they feel increased pressure to continue to step in when things become tense or volatile. The Mascot acts from a place of anxiety and trauma, and they may have bouts of depression. They also tend to feel as though they cannot express their negative emotions (because they often see themselves as responsible for their family’s happiness). They tend to bend over backwards for people with little regard for their own safety/comfort, and they are drawn to intense and dysfunctional relationships (whether romantic or platonic) where they will be called upon to diffuse tension. This can be seen in the way Mikey approached his friendships with both Bradford (pre-mutation) and Leatherhead. Mikey is also very rarely shown as being sad, angry, or depressed the way that the other three are, and it’s only in times of extreme emotional distress (like the season two finale) where he drops his humor. Even in the midst of tough battles or tough situations, Mikey tends to insert himself into the middle of the tension and is almost constantly cracking jokes or trying to keep things lighthearted. When he does show more negative emotions, it’s in (mostly) one of two ways. One, giving comfort or seeking comfort, usually from Raph (again see the season two finale, where he hugs Raph to calm him down after Splinter “dies” and seeks comfort from Raph in the Party Wagon as they’re driving away from the city). Two, acting combative with Donnie.

Note: Mikey and Donnie acting combative

This second one in particular is really interesting to me because both Donnie and Mikey exhibit a level of comfort/feeling safe with each other that they don’t display with the other two. Mikey only ever gets physical with Donnie (their little slap fight in “Turtle Temper” or attacking him at the end of “The Creeping Doom”), while Donnie only ever purposefully antagonizes Mikey to get a reaction (slapping him in “Turtle Temper”, which prompts the slap fight, or teasingly insulting him at the end of “The Creeping Doom”, which prompts Mikey to attack him). Mikey likes to get under Raph’s skin, but he never retaliates when Raph gets physical with him. Donnie does occasionally argue with Raph and Leo, but usually backs down after Raph threatens him with violence (see “New Girl in Town”), and with Leo it never escalates past a verbal fight (see the season two finale, “the fourfold trap”). Actually, it seems that in Mikey’s and Donnie’s relationship, they take on the roles that you usually see in Raph’s and Mikey’s relationship. Mikey antagonizes Raph and Raph retaliates; similarly, Donnie antagonizes Mikey and Mikey retaliates, but neither of them would act this way toward their other two brothers.

Splinter: The Root of the Dysfunction

I’ve made a lot of allusions by now to Splinter having npd, or at least some narcissistic tendencies. There are many times where he shows favoritism toward Leo or acts in a very stubborn or even self-absorbed manner. In the season one finale, for example, he refuses to help the turtles fight and only leaves the lair after april is kidnapped by the shredder. In “the pulverizer returns”, he makes the turtles switch weapons (for literally no good reason), they almost die in a fight and switch back, and as punishment, he takes their weapons away entirely; this isn’t addressed in the episode, but i do believe that if they’d had their weapons, they could’ve prevented timothy from being mutated in this episode. (Admittedly there are times when he apologizes, admits he’s wrong, and changes his mind, which is why I hesitate to say he exhibits fully narcissistic behaviors). There’s also the physical aspect of their relationship. He’s teaching the turtles ninjutsu, so you can expect a very physical relationship in the form of training, but there are times when he causes the turtles pain for the sake of pain as punishment (e.g. randori, which we see a few times, or when he goes for their pressure points, or when he trips mikey in the episode “monkey brains”, or when he stabs raph with his cane in the episode “turtle temper”, and these are just the examples i can think of off the top of my head). There has been discourse in the fandom about whether these characters (splinter and raph in particular) are abusive, and i don’t want to get into that. However, i think it’s undeniable that splinter raised his kids with the intent to turn them into child soldiers, and also i fully believe that this (plus his parenting style) is the root of the dysfunction in the hamato family.

[ablednt]

aren’t u that blog that constantly promotes self dx and bashes professional dx? like self dx is fine but it’s a last resort for people who can’t access prof dx.

I don't bash prof dx, first off. I fully understand and respect people who needed one for any reason.

However self diagnosis should never be treated like a backup for if you can't get a prof dx and here is why:

(Disclaimer: exact details vary by country making this not fully accurate in every country also I am not saying that treatment is bad or that therapists are inherently bad I am currently trying to seek therapy but any good therapist will treat you without a diagnosis if they are aware of the legal consequences of one)

You can and likely will lose your rights for your diagnoses. It's different by country but in the US if your diagnosed with things like DID, Autism, and probs a lot more you won't be allowed to go on HRT if you're trans. You may have your children taken away if you have any, you may be prevented from donating or receiving blood or organs, if you have abusive family members they may be able to put you under a conservatorship (what happened to Britney Spears) etc.

Literally the vast majority of psychologists do not study these disorders! Do you know what they do when they prof dx? THE SAME SHIT PPL WHO SELF DX DO. The dx process is exactly the same but with a professional dx you have someone who doesn't have that thing, who has no actual first hand experiences, listening to you talk about that thing and telling you whether or not they think you have it with literally no input from the community.

By saying every one has to try to be prof dxed before they're allowed to self dx you're saying that people of color should put up with blatant racism because there's so many documented biases.

Also the criteria that therapists use to diagnose is found in the dsm5, have you read it? I have, it says that autistic people cannot take care of themselves that they're prone to self harm bc of their autism and that they should have their needs ignored it uses all the labels that autistic people ask it doesn't. It says that even if an adult fits all the criteria of ADHD that if their parents arent available to say "yeah they sucked at school and were annoying" that you shouldn't diagnose them. The criteria for personality disorders, schizophrenia, and similar are all intentionally vague and/or exclusionary to one highly stereotyped set of symptoms. They literally admitted to trying to make the criteria for DID as specific and exclusive as possible because they wanted to remove it entirely because they believed people dxed with MPD before DID was coined did not deserve treatment.

The field of psychology started historically to abuse people, they were thrown into asylums and literally beaten and subjected to horrible conditions for any presumed mental illness. This actually has not changed very much at all, even in the last century a psychiatrist was caught physically abusing his patients and using the theory he made on DID to force them to keep coming to him for therapy. Psyche wards are notorious for mistreating patients there in every aspect and I've had psyche students tell me they believe that psychologists should have the right to physically harm patients. Children professionally dxed with autism are often physically harmed at school by their teachers, physical restraint is still used and it's killed multiple autistic students.

Children and teens in abusive homes have ableist parents often who may get violent or worsen the abuse or use a dx against them legally to trap them at home. Do you give them a pass for self dx? Except here's the thing you literally don't know who's being abused and who isn't and asking ppl that is really fucked up so you should be accepting all self dx to create a welcoming and safe space for them.

Physciatrists actually misdiagnose more than people mis-self-diagnose. Which isn't a reflection on the psychiatrist as much as the fact that people know their own experiences but they very often can't explain them. An example before I met someone who had OSDD1 and would explain it to me from first hand perspective no one would have ever suspected I had a dissociative disorder and was plural Because the only words I had for my experiences were "everything before a certain date literally wasn't me idk I'm just not the same person I was" "I'm a really good writer because I talk to characters in my head all day and they respond to things even when I'm not trying to think about them and they're real to me somehow idk lol" none of that sounds like DID but I was actually describing memory gaps from switches, internal communication and presence of fictives, etc. The best guest anyone had was depression and an overactive imagination. Self dxing is literally more accurate and accessible because people can look at the community and see the disorder explained from first hand experience.

Historically (but it's still happening in some cases) therapists would literally refuse treatment to anyone who talked to other people with their diagnosis. The case I'm thinking of is people with MPD (the dx that came before DID replaced it) would be refused therapy if they spoke to anyone else with MPD outside of therapy and even forbade them from going to support groups for survivors of incestual abuse because those groups advocated for the rights of people with MPD. To this day therapists often disrespect any and all ND/mentally ill communities because we happen to know our own literal lived experiences better than them.

Oh and prof dxes are often used against people legally so if anyone is in a minority group often targeted by police that potentially puts them in even more danger if they're arrested. Least we forget there's an entire field of study dedicated to criminalizing mental illness.

This isnt even half the reasons but I'm running out of spoons (I can source most of these things but I don't have the spoons so if anyone needs a source just ask)

I'm a firm believer that the need for prof dx not be pushed on everyone when it can have permanent and negative consequences and is no better than a self dx. If someone needs a diagnosis for access to medications, for financial support, or for any other legal reason then it very well may be worth the risk but they need to have the right to understand the consequences and make that decision. Imo it's professional dxes that should be not a last resort perse but it shouldn't even remotely be your first steps, your first steps are find the community and hear their actual lived experiences bc that will be so much clearer than anything a therapist who doesn't experience that thing can explain.

Also why do you care if people self dx? Why does their not having an Official Document saying they have their disorder bother you? I think it's deeply unsettling that you think everyone in the entire world needs YOUR approval to have something.

Jsyk the sentiment that self dx is lesser than prof dx is fostered by our capitalist nt society that's benefiting off of our abuse and systematic oppression so like you're literally helping us stay oppressed with this rhetoric.

If y'all really want to be progressive and anti-capitalist like most of this site does (and should) then that goes for disability justice too. Stop helping our own communities abuse and accept that not everyone has the luxury you apparently had to never be affected by your diagnosis ever.

[datingdonovan]

bestie boo hello i have a matchup request😗😗 anyways you said you’d get to these in a few days and 1000% take your time or if you’re not doing them anymore literally ignore this because i have college finals too i know they’re literal ass. ok anyways i’m an enfp but i suppose i’m more in between intro and extroverted than anything, i’m a 2w3 and my last relationship ended because he was literally emotionally abusive and couldn’t deal with my (at the time untreated, i am now on meds) panic disorder and anxiety problems.

anyways love that’s a lot, i hope you’re taking time for yourself in between doing these, remember if you don’t get to mine i’m literally ok with that you come first always:)

a/n: omg anon this was so so sos so sos sos SWEET I hope you aced your finals and I really hope you're still around on my page bc now as finals are winding down for most people im FINALLY getting to the last few matchups <3 I'm giving you one of my TOP TIER FAVE MEN that I have just been DYING to find a match for so I really hope you like <3:):):)

oh my goodness. yeah yeah YEAH. okay wait. now that finals are over and we're not going home for a few days. i'm going out for drinks with some of my friends tomorrow night and I really really want you to come because I've got my eye on this guy you have to meet. I don't know him super super well, but my friend brought him along a few weeks ago and the moment he opened his mouth I was like, yep. he's yours. oh crap what's his name??? I think it's... akaashi

so like, the moment I knew, we were just all chatting and talking, and he'd been quiet the whole time, sorta taking everything in, but somebody said something and he made this short little quip back that was so brutal and everybody turned to him totally shocked and we were all cracking up, and then like, he laughed along but immediately reassured the other kid that he was just kidding and I swear the whole thing was literally so cute. like the entire interaction just SCREAMED something you would love. because at first he was like this quiet mysterious attractive man, and then he was actually super smart and great at the whole friendly teasing thing, but afterward he was still super sweet and like wanted to make sure that this poor kid he dug into wasn't too upset like I feel like that matches your vibes so WELL. you're fun and exciting and goofy but I think you really wanna be with someone who's a little bit opposite, a little strange and quiet that you sort of have to figure out, but who's still extremely smart and funny and has a huge brain and I swear like, I could tell he does. and you have such a giant heart and wanna be there for people and help them achieve their goals and you also wanna achieve your own goals and like, I've heard that he's the same way, really knowledgeable about how to help other people when they need support, but also pushes himself super hard to accomplish his own goals. and sometimes you're so active and hyper and caring and excitable that you get in your own head and end up burnt out or upset, and I can just tell he would know exactly how to deal with anything that came up for you like he would flip a switch and immediately be someone who can hold you and help you out of dark places, and then when you're feeling better you two can be back to wild adventures and teasing each other again. I think you'd be a really good balance because he's different enough from you that you'd never be bored and he would certainly be out of his comfort zone, which would be a cool growth experience for both of you. but you both sort of have an interior thoughtful side where you can read the room really well and care for others even at the same time as you might overthink things or really stress yourselves out. I think it would be really cool to just have each other together in that, to be with someone who knows how that feels and can help lift you out of it when you're too far in your head. ugh its like the perfect balance of fun and silly and teasing but also deep deep stable careful quiet calm love. I swear I can already imagine the loving way he'll be eyeing you all night as soon as we walk in the door. he's gonna be so in awe... so you're coming for drinks right???

[sparklygoblin]

Haikyuu battle of the bands!!! This is stupid but I'm a choir kid and I really love music so I had to imagine this one. I'm sorry this is really self indulgent but I dunno I hadn't seen it yet and I'm a sucker for mood music so yeah feel free to ignore this I get it.

TW: suicide, drugs and scary music ahead.

Tsukki, Yams, Hinata, and Kenma have a band that freaking destroys the indie grunge garage rock genre, they all grew up sad and messy. They sound a bit like mcafferty or the front bottoms and maybe cavetown when yams takes over more

Bottom-Mcafferty (yams and tsukki doing this one together is kind of so good)

Twins Size Matress-The Front Bottoms (I'm basic I know)

Lemon Boy-Cavetown (Ah if this ain't Yams about Tsukki)

Tsukki is a lead singer and nothing will change my mind, he can write and sing in that grunge way, it's hot. He's got a very cool detached vibe, and guys and girls alike are thirstin but none of them ever come to anything. He's got an eye for his little back up singer with the green hair

Yams is the back up singer, and also a base guitarist and he's kind of iconic, Tsukki has never needed anyone else, it's been him and Yams since they were kids, and it's been that way for a reason, Yams is almost a better lyricist than Tsukki

Hinata is their little guitarist and he's literally king of those jaw dropping garage rock guitar shreds at live shows and god he's really broken in this AU but he's still extremely sunny, he just has a lot of trauma in his past

Kenma hits the drums, and writes a lot of the lyrics, he can also sing very high harmonies, so he'll occasionally chip in on those

Bokuto, Iwaizumi, Kuroo, and Kyoutani have a freaking sick rock band, like I'm talking guitar shreds, eyeliner, screaming vocals ahhhhh I love it so much. They're literally adored and they fall just on the edge of hard but not too hard. They sound a bit like Breaking Benjamin, Foo Fighters, and a little bit of Three Days Grace

Diary of Jane-Breaking Benjamin

Best of You-Foo Fighters

World So Cold-Three Days Grace

Kuroo is the lead singer, very mid 2000s rock sound, raspy screaming, deep lyrics, sad eyes and beautiful hair. Drinks a lot, everyone loves him but him, wishes he were dead like a lot.

Bokuto plays guitar and just wants his friend to be okay , he seems very strong spirited and happy on stage but he has a habit of making a complete turn, and struggles with bipolar disorder on his own

Iwaizumi is a silent, brooding guitarist and probably lowkey the hottest member of the whole band, he shreds and him and bokuto shred back and forth at live shows its crazy

Kyoutani is a drummer with heavy dark make up and terrifying eyes, he's the classic vision of rock and roll and god help him he has so many parents who h a t e him.

Asahi, Daichi, and Kiyoko are amazing. They vibe with a more indie pop sound, with soft piano chords and deep female vocals, reminiscent of Florence+the Machine, Of Monsters and Men, Vancouver Sleep Clinic, and Bon Iver.

Over the Love-Florence and the Machine (Imagining kiyoko with a voice like this is such a trip)

Dirty Paws-Of Monters and Men

Lung- Vancouver Sleep Clinic ( the anxiety in this song gives me Asahi vibes)

Blood Bank-Bon Iver (daichiiiiii)

None of them have set places in this group, they're extremely mutable and that's what makes them so special everyone loves that the vibes stay the same even though the voices are constantly switching

Oikawa, Yahaba, Hanamaki, and Mattsukawa are reminiscent of Harry Styles, One Republic, and Coldplay. They write slow sad alternative pop music to cry to bc Oikawa is an aesthetically pleasing sad boy.

Girl Crush Cover-Harry Styles (Oiks being gay and sad in a floral suit KILLS ME)

All Fall Down-One Republic

Violet Hill-Coldplay

Oikawa has an incredible voice that he didn't come by naturally, and the fact that he had to practice makes him all the more likeable. His stage presence is nuts, and he cries like a lot.

Yahaba is an adorable little keyboard player with soft eyes and a really nice harmony with Oikawa

Hanamaki strums soft sad strings

Mattsukawa keeps a steady melancholic beat

Suga, Noya, Tanaka, and Ennoshita are modern rock in a nutshell, and god do they know how to make you angry and heartbroken all at once. They release music in the vein of Badflower, Boston Manor, and The Plot in You.

24-Badflower

Halo-Boston Manor

The Plot in You- Feel Nothing

Suga is the lead singer and his on stage emotion is crazy he's an emotional wreck, practically screaming S A V E M E, he's obviously on a lot of substances and victim of crippling low self worth. He cries on really bad nights, his voice is incredible but he's losing himself to the heartbreak. Suga writes almost all of the lyrics.

Noya and Tanaka party all the time to cover up the fact that the both of them feel alone in rooms full of people, to hide the fact that they need saving too. Tanaka is guitar, Noya is drums.

Ennoshita is a guitarist as well, and he's probably the only one keeping all of his bandmates from dying. The pressure is a lot for him.

Yachi is an unhinged curveball, you'd think she sings cute pop songs, but nah, that girl is straight up nuts. Screaming, vulgar, chaos is how you'd describe her music. She's been repressed her who look e life and it SHOWS.

I Hate My Mom-GRLwood

Mumble rap is a controversial genre to say the least, but I can't deny that I love it and could see a few of the more spooky or apathetic volleyball boys partaking, especially Tendo and surprisingly, Kunimi. They'd sound somewhat like Ghostemane, $uicidBoy$, and Sueco the Child.

Nihil- Ghostemane (tendo style)

Sold my soul to satan waiting in line at the mall- $uicideBoy$ (together)

Novacane:)-Sueco the Child(Kunimi vibes)

Tendo is scary af which really lends itself to the whole terrifying music style and stage presence he has. His music is dark seductive dissonance as is he.

Kunimi has suffered in a constant state of pure apathy and sorrow his whole life, this lends itself to the whole $uicide theme he's got going.

[freczeyourbrain]

⌞ʾ⁎ ⊰ thomas doherty, male, he/him ⊱ i think i just saw JASON DEAN walk across trafalgar square, singing to MANIAC* ( by CONAN GRAY ). you know, the TWENTY THREE year old MECHANIC? people claim that they are just like JD from HEATHERS**. it must be because they are PASSIONATE and MANIPULATIVE as well… though i could be wrong. all i know for sure is that they live at EMERALD*** apartment.

MY SON, MY EVIL YET HOPELESSLY ROMANTIC/SOCIOPATHIC BOY. here’s some bullet points about him, his life, a short bio, and so on and so forth.

B I O G R A P H Y: Born in Scotland, JD was actually a fairly normal kid when he was younger, his mother and father were fairly good parents until his father lost his job due to a crash in the economy when he was 6. That's when he'd started drinking, started getting violent, and things just went incredibly down hill from there. His dad would be destructive, loud, JD never saw him put hands on his mother but he certainly heard it from his bedroom. It got so bad that, when JD was eight years old and his father had started his demolition company, his mother went into a building set to fall apart and...never came out. It was after that his father took him to the states, saying there were better job opprotunities there, bouncing around city to city and school to school. The voices in his head started showing up during that time, dark and twist, urging for chaos in ways he tried to shut out. His moods would switch at the drop of a dime, torturing him in a mental prision he didn't know how to handle. JD remembered his father telling him to man up, to get over it, and he never went to a doctor to figure out what was wrong. An untreated cause of bi-polar disorder, manifesting each year into something darker and darker. His Junior year of high school, he went to Westerburg and that's when things got messy for him. Three murders type of messy, and before anything could be traced to him, JD left town and dropped out of high school. He told his father to fuck off, somehow was able to dip into the family account and move all the way across the pond to London to start all over. Now in London, JD put the fact he was great with his hands (after all, he did build a bomb to blow up the whole entire school before he was caught and stopped by his ex-girlfriend), and became a mechanic when he was only 18. His skills were greatly appreciated, and after getting into somet trouble again, he got roped into gang activity which helps those voices in his head quiet down. But you know what they say, old habits die hard.

his birthday is october 29th, so he is a scorpio because…OBVIOUSLY HE IS.

he didn’t go to college, so he’s been working on cars since he finished his junior year of high school, so he’s actually a damn good mechanic (and good with his hands, hehe) one day he wants to open a shop all his own and is getting closer due to his growing client base.

he’s 6′1 in height

his favorite colors are black and red

as in the musical, JD was raised by a single father because his mother couldn’t take the intense nature of his father and basically committed suicide by going into a building her father blew up when he was younger (around 9 years old)

his father is a POS so the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, he basically is the reason that JD is a sociopath, he was never raised with any love in his life, always with darkness.

in high school, he did kill kurt and ram, and ATTEMPTED to kill heather chandler but no one ever found out except veronica obviously. but he managed to get her to stay quiet (by threatening her family, which is an empty promise bc he would never hurt veronica.)

JD DOES know how to build bombs and stuff but has never done anything with that random skill, just more so just knows it because of his father.

he is VERY smart and cunning, a bit of a ladies man to be honest, he’s able to charm and smooth talk for days. the guy does have a tendency to be a little obsessive and jealous when he’s SUPER into a girl but it’s a rarity he’s able to keep interest for longer than a month.

that’s about it folks as far as the basics go!

[cookinguptales]

Today, SCOTUS is hearing arguments about whether businesses should have to cover birth control for their employees in their health insurance plans and I just. It’s hard to read.

I was going to make up this big informational persuasive post about the situation. But I’m just. I’m just so sad and angry and tired. So I figured I’d make an emotional one instead.

Let me tell you about my hormonal birth control journey. 

(Rest under a cut for length and content. cw: mental illness, graphic discussion of medical issues, injuries, & menstruation, discussions of suicide & self-harm, discussion of opioids, alcohol, & recreational drug use.)

 I started taking hormonal birth control late in high school to help regulate “painful periods”. It wasn’t for actual birth control at that point and I hadn’t been diagnosed with any disease, not even POTS yet. I just had “painful periods”.

Things were okay for a little while, but when I got to college, things started to fall apart. The double whammy of undiagnosed mental illness and a barely-diagnosed chronic illness (POTS was relatively unknown at the time and my doctors gave me information which I now know is incorrect) really caused me to spiral during my first year of college. I didn’t know it yet, but I react very poorly to some forms of hormonal birth control. Put succinctly, they drive me batshit insane. On one pill, I literally did not leave my apartment for over a month. I became very literally agoraphobic. Bouncing off the walls, irritable, angry, high suicidal ideation. As bad as side effects can be.

But I didn’t know that yet. I just stopped taking BC as part of the whirlwind of medicines and doctors that my life became for about two years while I was on my (first) medical leave from college.

My ribs were coming out back then. I didn’t know that yet, either. I knew that when I was around 16, I started getting severe back pains. The first time it happened, I had to go to the ER because I couldn’t breathe and my teachers thought I was having a heart attack. I got a narcotic shot in my butt. It did nothing to dull the pain. That’s how much it hurt. But it went away on its own eventually and I over the years I started medicating reoccurrences with a lot of different things. Physical therapy. Muscle relaxers. (Medically prescribed) opiates that made me puke. Prescription strength Advil. Wine.

I didn’t see that it was all connected yet. Not yet. I didn’t realize, with my periods as irregular as they were, that the back pains were coming around the same time in my cycle each time.

My “painful periods” got worse. I talked to an OBGYN, with my mother in the room. I told her that I was scared of something like childbirth. I knew that my blood flow was dangerously bad. What if the fetus didn’t get enough blood? Oh, my doctor laughed, that wasn’t a problem. The fetus would always get enough blood. The risk was that I wouldn’t. That it, like the tiny vampire it was, would take it all until I simply died. If I got pregnant, I would likely die. I asked about permanent sterilization. My mother cried. My doctor said no. I didn’t ask again.

I went back on birth control.

It was odd. I didn’t want children before that visit, not really. I was so tired all the time. I knew I’d never be able to manage to raise a child — and honestly, I didn’t care to try. I was so depressed. I was so sick. It sounded like so much work. I still don’t want to have kids. But it still feels… weird, knowing that I can’t. And knowing that I could die if I get knocked up.

I’m bisexual, but I have zero sexual contact with men (because I don’t love them, despite being somewhat sexually attracted to them) and zero sexual contact with people with penises (because they could literally kill me and it would be no one’s fault). But I’ve been followed home by men before. I’ve had cabbies lock me in and ask me for a date. I’ve had men who won’t take no for an answer. And my god, it terrifies me that I might have to deal with both sexual assault and a slowly creeping murder all at once.

(It’s laughable to think he’d be tried for both.)

I ended up getting sick off birth control a few times. I went on and off it periodically during my college career. I now in retrospect see that a lot of my “meltdowns” were a combination of discrimination-based stress, physical breakdowns, and hormonal whirlwinds. At my worst times, I was on birth control. The wrong ones.

My periods, over time, got worse. My back would hurt. The cramps were unbelievable. I couldn’t feel my legs. I could feel them too much. I couldn’t keep food down. I’d be so angry, so sad, so everything.

I went to the doctor again. I was diagnosed with both endometriosis and PMDD. PMDD, or premenstrual dysphoria disorder, is like PMS on steroids. I remember telling my doctor, in halting tones, that I wasn’t well before my periods. That I always had depression, always had anxiety, but I wasn’t well before periods. At her prodding, I confessed that sometimes I would just lie there for hours, for days, in the fetal position. That I’d clutch at my own arms, mooring myself, because I knew that those white knuckles were the only thing between me and killing myself. That my brain, always somewhat malevolent, became an inescapable mantra of death. That I’d just lie there and sob because it took everything I had not to hurt myself. That I’d find claw marks, bruises, on my arms later, and all I could do was get some ice.

It was better than the alternative.

I told my doctor about how painful my periods had always been. How I’d heard a story once about, y’know, that Spartan boy? The one who hid a fox kit under his shirt during an examination and stayed perfectly silent even as it clawed at him so he wouldn’t be caught with it? How it tore at his stomach until he fell down dead, still silent? I told her how I felt like I was holding a fox kit every damn month and sometimes I couldn’t stand the pain of it. Sometimes I considered ending that pain, one way or another.

She put me back on birth control.

A little less than a year later, or in layman’s terms, about a year ago, my mental health was so bad again that I was almost committed. Literally committed. I had to go stay with my parents for a few months while I transitioned to new medications because it wasn’t safe for me to be alone. I learned that the birth control I was on could create those symptoms — but they didn’t start until months after you’d started taking it. So you didn’t realize it was the medicine. You just assumed you were crazy and unlikable and so, so angry. At the world, at your loved ones, but mostly at yourself.

I learned, around that time, that I also had Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. That the pain I felt every month right before my period wasn’t just cramps. It was my bones coming undone from their sockets. It was my hips dislocating. It was my ribs popping out of my spine. I realized that that lump my parents could feel in my back wasn’t a hard knot of tense muscles. It was my fucking rib poking out of my back. I learned that there is a period right before menstruation that mimics a period during pregnancy where your joints loosen — your body thinks it is preparing you for birth, for loosening your pelvic cavity so an entire head can pass through. For someone with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, that period of joint looseness was enough to wreak absolute havoc on a system of already-weakened joints.

I learned how to put my own ribs back in with a foam roller. I started drinking marijuana tea for the pain. I went on a different birth control. I stopped taking the placebo pills. I had to fully eradicate that entire portion of my cycle. Goodbye PMDD and ribs constantly popping out. I don’t miss you!

I am still on that pill, y’know. Every day I take it and wonder if I’m one step closer to the day when it inevitably destroys me. The last one took about a year. Tick tock.

Or maybe I finally found the one that works… I really just don’t know.

The fact of the matter is that I have a full handful of maladies that require birth control so I can function. PMDD, endometriosis, dangerous pregnancy, EDS. I need hormonal birth control. I would probably be dead by now without it. The PMDD especially was that bad. My internal organs are likely a scarred-up mess. But the birth control itself almost killed me, too. God, it was close.

Simply put, birth control is heaven and hell all wrapped up in a pill. It treats illnesses and it prevents pregnancy. In other words, it provides you with both freedom and peace of mind. It is absolutely essential. But it’s also monstrous. The sheer number of sometimes-deadly side effects that come with hormonal treatments is staggering. Which is why you need to be under a doctor’s careful eye when you’re on it. You need to be free to choose whichever brand you need. You need to be free to switch kinds at a moment’s notice. None of these things are possible in a system where these pills are not fully covered by insurance.

(And yes, I know, this is a stupidly American problem in so many ways. Obviously the ideal thing here would be single-payer for all medical procedures. But that’s not up for debate here and insurance for BC is. Because for some reason we let some people’s religious convictions determine others’ health care. But I digress.)

Please don’t worry too much for me. I have a good employer who has told me in no uncertain terms that I don’t need to worry about my healthcare coverage. But there are so many people just like me. Who may not have diagnoses yet. Who may have “problem bodies”. Who only know that they need to do something and that they might have to go through several pills to find it. Whose employers either have the strong religious belief that hormonal birth control is a sin or the strong religious belief that they want to pay as little as possible for their workers’ health care. (Call me cynical.)

Those are the people I worry about. Those are the people I feel absolutely sick over as I watch the SCOTUS argue whether we should be allowed to have life-saving medicine. The people who I know will fall through the cracks the second that the cracks are widened enough for them to do so. The people who will die.

It’s a tense time right now. It’s a tense time for very obvious reasons. But this morning I find myself to be even tenser, and my stomach hurts thinking about it. It feels like all I can do is stare at a pill packet and remember every horrible reason I need it and every horrible thing it’s done to me and I just.

It’s a lot.

[cohentm]

✮     ∷     ╰  𝖚𝖕𝖉𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 .

             I FEEL LIKE i just ran away from home and then realized i’m five and, unfortunately, cannot survive without my parents. LMDFLKDFGM i missed u all and had to return… we hate to see it. anyway! whew. i figured i’d post a refreshed lil intro for cohen to make sure i hit on some key changes before i hop back into the game! the most important / group-related part is right at the top, so if u read nothing else, read that! ily all and i’m excited to jump back in like i never left. i’ll be sliding in dms and makin’ starters asap, so if u wanna make some connection changes my door’s always open! x

✮     ∷     ╰  𝖈𝖔𝖍𝖊𝖓 𝖘𝖊𝖌𝖚𝖗𝖆 : 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 .

cohen currently lives in a glorified, raggedy frat-esque house ( he is NOT a fratboy but he might as well be huh ) of his own right off campus, about a five minute drive / ten minute walk from the stadium ( it’s about four bedrooms large with three bathrooms, all on one floor. think david dobrik’s house–click here to see–except much uglier and CHEAP MVDFLG ). 

he’s fiscally very protective of his savings. he’s been working since he was 12 with his dad, and never ever spent his money, despite some repetitive near-misses where his parents tried ( and failed, bc cohen’s slick ) to steal money from him. basically he now pays for his share of the house using the money he saves/has always saved working for factories, farms, & fixing people’s junk cars. 

his only current roommate is foster, meaning he has two spare rooms he’s not really doing anything with. beer pong table’s outside, the kitchen is the alcohol hot spot, there’s a pool table instead of a dining room table, u know how it goes. 

regardless, he throws open invite house parties literally every weekend. they take place every friday night up until the sun rises on sunday morning–whether he’s around the house for all of five seconds or all night doesn’t matter, because they’re always a-go. 

you’re all 100% free to use his house entirely at your leisure for character fun / development / a place for ur thread to take place / etc! you don’t even need to get my okay beforehand! just do it! think of it as a known dillon fact that cohen’s having a house party every weekend NFKDFNDFKJG. 

no matter who you are, whether cohen likes you or not, he will not care if you show up with some randos or familiar faces and party it out. he’s socially bored 24/7 and full of apathy and alcohol at all times so mans probably will be plastered drunk out doing donuts in the parking lot and fighting someone he doesn’t have beef with anyway. ur muse probably won’t even see him there. LMKGDFLG if you’ve ever seen burlesque? literally him showing up to his OWN house for a visit / to get plastered and then wander off during the weekend party is…. real. so yeah! use his house like it’s ur own. just be out by sunday afternoon bc he likes to pretend none of it ever happened as soon as he wakes up and has to be sober for school. x KMVFBLFG love u all.

✮     ∷     ╰  𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬  &  𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 .

tw: eating disorder mentions ( food & lifestyle ), drug addiction / recovery, alcoholism, & mentions of past steroid use.

full name.    cohen anthony segura.

aka.    co, jet.

character inspiration.    adam parrish ( the raven cycle ), vince howard & tim riggins lovechild ( if y’all watched fnl…. let’s cry together ), a much more problematic  &  asshole-ish david dobrik ( the vlog squad ), nathan scott ( oth ), steven hyde ( that ‘70s show ), emily prentiss & aaron hotchner lovechild ( criminal minds ), & noel miller ( tmg ).

age & d.o.b.    twenty-two. birthdate tbd.

zodiac.    virgo sun, aries moon, & aquarius rising.

pronouns.    he / him.

orientation.    openly bisexual.

this has never presented as too large of an issue for cohen, despite living in dillon. he isn’t afraid of being talked about, and has a history of making sure people know he can hold his own if anyone has anything to say about his personal life.

university major.    architecture  &  architectural technology.

after living in a trailer for the duration of his life, the idea that he would be invested in architecture is astounding. however, here he is. his passion for home creation stemmed from growing up and envisioning a real home to live in. his parents are both into self-taught carpentry, and his dad was shoving tools and measuring tape into his hands from the time he was young in an effort to instill in him a firm “get it done yourself” mindset. he spends his time studying structure  &  building planning, and secretly has a journal full of dream house mark-ups.

occupation.    wide receiver for the dillon panthers, full time student, & prospective architect / carpenter post-college.

tattoos.    many riddled throughout his body. brandon arreaga’s tattoos are cohen’s.

face claim.    brandon arreaga.

alignment.    neutral evil.

hogwarts.    slytherin.

positive & negative traits.    ( if u’ve already read this do not read it again i promise u nothing here changed LSMFLD )

hardworking–he works himself to the bone and is entirely unapologetic about it. you’ll rarely catch him slipping, but if he does, he’s the first to get ear-splittingly angry with himself over it. he’s way too hard on himself & he knows it, but he’ll never admit it. 

he nitpicks at the flaws of others in an effort to feel superior, and always acts unaffected when he’s called out for bringing the team down when he’s not taking care of himself ( cue vince howard from fnl or nathan scott from oth scenes where they’re bragging about how good they are on the field even though he’s apt to get himself hurt because of how desperate he is for some kind of validation–cohen had a huge issue with restricting and abusing stimulants / testing steroids throughout high school and college in an attempt to boost his football persona. he was always incredibly fast and beat literal ODDS to maintain his wide receiver position, but especially thanks to his small build he’s used to being underestimated / downplayed, which puts a really heavy weight on his shoulders. today, he’s eating healthily, he’s off drugs, and he’s taking care of himself better than he ever has before, but it’s still incredibly hard and he still reaches out for ways to overcompensate, which is where alcohol usually comes into play ). 

transparent–sure, he can turn into a stressed out & irritable jerk within a fraction of a second, but at least he’s upfront about when he switches lanes. LDFGLMKFG

he’s incredibly focused, which means he’s never going to linger in uncertainty for too long before he admits that he’s just not down to be around you / to be there / to talk / etc. he’s no bullshitter by any means. he’d rather hurt your feelings and keep his environment stable and tactile than stick around and put his easily shaken emotions at risk just to make you comfy. 

he’s also accountable. he knows when he’s causing shit to fuck up & hit the fan, and he’s always quick to right wrongs when things are on him. ofc he’s bred from a family full of blame-givers, so he unhealthily picked up a bad habit of being really good at sounding like he’s apologizing sincerely when he’s really just trying to end a fight because he’s annoyed. LDCLDKMFDFG. 

he’s blunt, temperamental, & incredibly selfish when it comes to his own lifelines / vices, but wholeheartedly selfless when it comes to doing anything to protect or lift up the people he loves.

mental diagnoses.    anorexia nervosa ( in recovery ), alcoholism ( ongoing ), an addiction to various stimulants ( in recovery ), & frequent past attempts at steroid use.

physical diagnoses.    n / a.

phobias.    has an irrational fear of accidentally burning down his house. will get immensely stressed–to the point where he’s absolutely annoying and intolerable to put up with / be around–if someone’s cooking or baking “irresponsibly.” will probably yell at you and hover-cook until you let him take over so he can make sure nothing goes wrong. LMSDFKLFG

scars.   an appendix scar on his lower left side.

drug use.    frequently.

alcohol use.    frequently.

diet.    very decently rounded. he loves to cook, despite being self-taught. growing up the way he did, he settles for making simple dishes very well. he’s not the type to go all out for dinner. he meal preps like it’s his job. he usually just settles with some kind of pan-friend chicken and pasta dish at home.

birth place.    dillon, texas.

parents.    "jude" judith & anthony segura. 

two lower class parents with deep-rooted anger issues. they currently live in the same trailer park together, in separate trailers, and fight with each other constantly. they claim they’re divorced, and are seeing other people, but they’ve never actually filed for anything, since anthony segura thinks it’s just a ploy for judith to take “half [his] shit.” cohen visits them often, and acts as a middle ground child who hates but loves both of them equally. his dad enjoys / tolerates his son’s presence more than his mother does, but only marginally. his mother’s much less concerned with the fact that she has children, since, in her mind, her relationship issues are the most important things in her life. cohen spent many nights as a kid with his drugged up mom in his lap while she cried about not being loved by anyone. his dad, even though he’s rough with cohen, at least spends time with him every now and again. as a kid, his dad was handing him beers to drink and tools to learn to use to prove he was a man ( despite being a ten y/o child bfkjgk oh well! ). regardless, today cohen lives on his own but is still the financial backbone for his parents–since his mom is unemployed and his dad is a seasonal construction worker–and has been since he was fifteen. they ask him for money every chance they get, and cohen never says no.

siblings.    a younger sister ( by two years ). loves her to death. would protect her with his life.

pets.    he’s notorious for letting a certain set of strays run amuck in his house. he feeds the neighborhood cat, is a-okay with people bringing their animals to his parties, etc. but he’s too scared of permanence and obsessed with independence to ever follow through with getting his own animal.

education.    current senior at dillon university. 

he has always been a decent student. he got into architectural honors college his sophomore year of college. however, he’s still not by any means incredibly intelligent. he’s decent grade-wise, but only because he tries really hard and puts in the effort it takes to keep up in a field like architecture. he’s also a chronic cheater, but c’est la vie! lmfgdflkg he spends the vast majority of his time either studying or practicing, and gets very irritable very quick doing either activity because he doesn’t know how to manage stress, so he drinks in the evenings in an attempt to make up for his tense demeanor, but he’s an angry drunk so… whomst are we really kidding here. LMDFKLG

languages.    english & american sign language.