#...as in like 'i agree with this statement because [transphobia from their end]' like. please analyze why they feel safe around you!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

havingsomemorejohnlarks · 2 years ago

Note

❝ well, honestly i’ve never really had sex before and was kinda hoping you would teach me. ❞ and [SUGGESTIVE] sound like they would be interesting to pair together

[ SUGGESTIVE ] our muses are hanging out and end up on the topic of turn ons, kinks, and what they’re attracted to.

❝ well, honestly i’ve never really had sex before and was kinda hoping you would teach me. ❞

well im writing a fic cos its the only thing i know how to do! :’)

(so like i may put it on ao3)

tbh this idea doesn’t really line up with Rook’s personal history, but I’m willing to put that aside for the sake of the fic 😌

I’m sorry if this is not what you were expecting, let me know if you want anything different! I put the options in the name chooser and it came out with john x rook so I’m going to be doing a fic with

John Seed x Male Deputy OC (Rook Diamante)

Warning: Sexual Tension, mention of transphobia and fetishization, strong language, mention of/talking about kinks (specifically, power play, piss kink, choking, gun play, knife play, degradation)

“Just please tell me the people there are nice...”

The sound of his Mom’s worried voice came crackling down the phone, as Rook pressed it against his ear and shoulder, clumsily shifting a few pans around on the kitchen counter.

There was no escaping the anxiety of Rook’s family, especially as he moved so far away. There was no hiding it either, even though Lillian was trying to keep her usual calming tones in the statement. Her son wasn’t an idiot though. Of course she was worried.

“Yeah, I guess so, Mom. Some of them are a little...” He hesitated, trying to find the right word, knowing the one he was about to say wasn’t what he meant. “... odd?”

He tried to keep the mocking “And I’m not going into high school, I’ve just moved to a different state.” inside his head because he knew how unhelpful that would be. And how stupid. The second one sounded much worse. Maybe.

“Odd? In what way? What have they said to you?” A deeper voice joined the conversation, one filled with even more anxiety, not even bothering to hide it.

“No one’s said anything, Dad. I meant... they’re just new. I’ve met plenty of nice people! Like... there’s this cute couple who run this business. They invited me to a barbecue this weekend so...”

A sigh of relief could barely be heard on the other side of the call. Although Rook knew they’d be unsettled with him being so far away from New York, it was still weird to witness both his parents like this after they’ve tried to remain strong for him all his life.

Rook felt it was his duty as a son to try and soothe them. He searched for other people in his mind who he had found nice and intriguing and not a threat to his personal safety, someone his parents could like and approve of.

“I’ve got this co-worker... he’s like an asshole but a loveable one, you know? Respects me but also calls me a dumbass when I’m being one. He’s cool.” Rook couldn’t help the little grin on his face, as he remembered the night out that Staci Pratt had invited him to, which resulted in him getting so drunk that he had sustained physical injuries. It was such a stress-reliever to finally drink with someone after moving to some random place in Montana.

A chuckle from his Dad and Rook knew that he had relaxed a bit. Someone who was on his sons side. Someone good.

“Any other new friends? Maybe... someone hot?”

He heard his Mom yell at his Dad playfully, while Rook’s face started to burn up suspiciously quickly. He had been avoiding thinking about “someone hot” or, more specifically, the hot man that he had seen around at that place, Aubrey's Diner, that Staci so loves.

It was embarrassing really. It was embarrassing how quickly he had agreed to go to the same diner again when Staci has suggested it. It was embarrassing how he craned his neck just a little every time, hoping to see the attractive man in the stylish outfits that made his tummy do flips. It was certainly embarrassing how he would go home disappointed when those blue eyes did not look his way, leaving him wanting and dreaming of some touch.

Staci had teasingly offered his services, but he shut up when Rook had hit him round the head.

A few more mentions of different people who had been nice to him and his parents had been soothed, still sad that he was not with them but happy for him all the same. His Dad gives him the usual cautions about people with bad intentions, reminds him to have fun (he can almost hear Mom’s eyes rolling) and Rook hangs up, promising he’ll be careful and also have fun, which is definitely a tough line to walk, if Rook’s completely honest.

But he says it anyway.

After hanging up, a dragged out sigh was let out into the air.

Usually, Rook was happy to talk to his parents, but giving someone reassurance for so long a conversation can catch up to you, especially if you’ve just finished a shift at work and are trying to make dinner.

He looked down at the pans he had gotten out in an attempt to make food. He stared for a while.

An irritated sigh and some tapping on his phone and Staci was on the other line.

“Don’t feel like making dinner, you wanna eat out tonight?”

An amused, sleepy grumble. “A ‘hello’ would be cool.”

“Shut up, yes or no?”

Staci laughed. “And you say I’m the dickhead.”

Rook made a deliberate, irritated sound.

Another laugh. “Okay, okay.”

-------------------------------------

After taking an absolute age to actually roll out of his bed, Staci finally texted to declare that, this time, despite all the other times being lies, he was actually leaving the house to get to the diner.

Meanwhile, seated at a table with a glass of cheap alcohol, Rook was having a difficult time convincing himself and Staci that he had absolutely no prior knowledge of his friends bad time management. He definitely didn't come to the diner a little early just to see if he could position himself as devastatingly handsome and completely alone and, therefore, in need of some company.

No, no. Why would he do that? It wasn't like there was any particular reason to do that. Definitely no particular man either.

Rook was just hoping Staci would go easy on the teasing when he got here because he sure as Hell wasn't fooling anybody.

It was pointless to come early anyway - Rook only sat there staring at the door, eyes becoming glittered with hope when he saw it open.

Staci got there before the man in the expensive clothes could.

"You know, you're not subtle."

Rook knew he couldn't fake it, so he didn't even try. "I know. It's stupid."

Staci picked up on the hint of embarrassment and disappointment. "It's not. John Seed is pretty hot, classically handsome, I suppose.”

Rook’s head snapped up, eyes now staring at his friend. “What? You know him?”

Staci nodded, glancing over the menu, even though he knew exactly what he was getting.

Rook’s mouth was slightly open. “And you didn’t think to tell me that?!”

The other man couldn’t stop the grin creeping on him. “I figured you would ask, if you wanted to know who he was.”

Rook didn’t stop staring.

“Also, I don’t really know him, know him. I just know of him, like everyone else does. I think only a select few actually know him, you know, he’s that type.”

Rook’s stare turned into a curious peer. “What type?”

Staci breathed out through his nose, a touch uncomfortable. “Well... mysterious, I guess... suspicious.”

Rook waited for Staci to give his order to the waiter who had come round, trying to understand what his friend was getting at.

Staci saw the look on Rook’s face and sighed. “Look, I was gonna tell you eventually anyway but... might as well be now.”

The expression on his face turned serious and Rook found himself remembering his Dad’s cautions. It looked like Staci was having a tough time.

“He might be dangerous, ok? He belongs to that... group that we get calls about. You know, the culty one.”

Right. Rook had heard about this. Whitehorse, his new boss, had pulled him aside while Pratt and Hudson responded to a call, whispering to him about being safe and something about ‘having your back’.

He tried to push down the rising tide of disappointment. He swallowed. And found himself doing something he didn’t think he’d ever actually do.

“Do you think... I should leave it alone then?”

Staci pulled an over-exaggerated face. “Dude, do whatever you want. Just don’t join the creepy groupies his brother has.”

Rook didn’t know how to feel about that. He couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t still intrigued by this John guy. But he knew how much worth a good looking, mysterious man in nice clothes had.

None. At all. He knew that from experience.

“I might... just leave it.”

That was the best decision to be made. Something excitable in him died, while the disappointment settled in. But he knew if he started something with this guy, it would get worse.

Cut it off at the root as soon as possible.

------------------------------------------

Perhaps going to the diner the night before a shift was a bad decision because both Staci and Rook woke up on the latter mans living room floor with banging headaches.

Rook was the first to wake and stumble to the bathroom, extremely aware that he wanted to throw up but couldn’t. This went on for about twenty minutes before the bathroom was raided by Staci, who lovingly shoved his friend out of the way to actually throw up.

While his friend was busy vomiting violently into the toilet, Rook crawled out of the room and picked up his phone. Only a few minutes until they were due to clock in for work.

Groaning, he reluctantly dialled the Sherriff’s number.

“Hey, Sherriff. Would you be mad if me and Staci called in sick today?”

“You two get your asses up to this station right now or there’ll be hell to pay.”

How did he know?

“We... really shouldn’t be driving, Sir.”

“Then walk.”

Whitehorse hung up.

Shit, he’s pissed off.

-----------------------------------------------

It took so long for them to get out the door, let alone walk all the way to the police station. Staci didn’t even have his uniform, but he insisted that there would be a spare one at the station.

Rook had to stumble about getting ready, before getting the bright idea to shove some water and food in his bag, to cure their hangovers.

Never in his life had Rook shown up to work hungover. It seemed to be something of a pastime for Staci, however.

They arrived to their place of work in a cold sweat, panting and, in Staci’s case, with a little vomit round the mouth. He couldn’t keep it in for the whole walk.

Whitehorse was standing outside the door, looking like the prime example of an angry boss - arms crossed, brows furrowed and a hard stare.

Rook tried to straighten up a little more, trying to seem apologetic and professional, despite the obvious unprofessionalism here. Staci didn’t even bother, clinging on to his friend for dear life, not looking anywhere but the floor as he groaned.

They walked gradually up the steps, slowly past Whitehorse, who moved out the way, still glaring. Rook swallowed and rasped, “It won’t happen again, Sherriff.”

“Clean him up and get in my office in five minutes. Both of you.”

It didn’t take too long to guide Staci to the station’s bathroom to throw up again. Rook had to wipe his mouth and give him water.

“I’m not getting you changed, Pratt.”

Staci chuckled behind the roughness of his hangover.

“Feeling any better yet?”

Staci waved an arm at him, breathing heavily on the floor. “Much.”

Rook raised an eyebrow, not believing him even a little.

They got to the office in seven minutes, but Whitehorse didn’t give a shit by then. He sat in his chair, not saying a word, while the two young men stood on the other side of the desk. Rook shuffled awkwardly from one foot to the next, while Staci stood casually, weight leant on one foot, still looking ill.

“I just can’t believe you two.”

Silence filled the room around his words.

“How could you be so immature? You realise I could fire you, right? The only reason I refuse to is because we have so little staff, so much so that I told you to get your stupid faces down here even though I knew you would be useless today.”

“And also cos you love us, Sherriff.”

Rook kicked Staci so hard he almost fell over, and Whitehorse spun around in his chair, facing away from them, under the guise of being so disgusted by their behaviour, he had to look away.

In reality, he was trying to hide the smirk that tried to creep on his face.

“You do realise the Seeds are planning to come up here, yes?”

Both of them felt their hangovers cure in a split second. Or did they worsen?

“Wait, the culty ones?” Staci asked, as tactful as ever. Rook’s eyes widened to the size of small moons.

“Yes, the god-damn culty ones, Pratt! And you two boneheads decided to-”

He was cut off by the sound of a car pulling up to the station. The old man swiftly got up out of his seat and peered through the blinds, confirming his suspicions.

“Look. They’re here. I’ll punish your sorry asses later. Just get out there and stop looking like you drank the entire contents of the Spread Eagle.”

Staci had to pipe up again. “Actually, Sir, it was Aubrey's Dine-”

Whitehorse pushed them both towards the door, muttering something that sounded like “Get the fuck out, son.”

They hauled ass to their desks, flopping gratefully into their chairs, while Nancy shook her disapproving head at them the whole way.

As the door to the station opened, Rook chucked cold already-cooked hash brown leftovers over to Staci, who mouthed “Thank you!”, pretending to cry with relief.

Sure enough, John Seed walked through the door.

Rook’s head snapped down quickly, a burning sensation already coming up to his cheeks. He threw a bottle of water at his friend, aggressively, when he quietly wolf-whistled.

Rook hoped to Hell that John didn’t notice.

Unlucky for Rook. John always noticed as much as possible.

Before their eyes could meet, Whitehorse came out of his office, looking relaxed and composed. Rook had to give him credit - he could hardly tell he’d been seething literally just 30 seconds ago.

“Hey there, Mr. Seed.” Like the southern gentleman he was, he offered his hand, and John, being a master of politeness, took it immediately, a fake and gleaming smile already on his face.

“Hello there, Sherriff. I hope you weren’t waiting for me too long.”

“No, no, you’re just on time, Sir. Would you like to talk in my office?”

“I wish he was as polite as that a few minutes ago,” muttered Staci, around a mouthful of hash brown.

Rook tried not to giggle and focused on the pile of paperwork ready to be processed on his desk.

They didn’t come out of that office for a while, and the atmosphere turned from light and humorous to a little ominous. Rook glanced over to his friend, who looked surprisingly solemn, his light nature faded a little.

Rook would never admit that this scared him a little. Staci wasn’t fucking about when he said that the cult situation was serious, because he was clearly worried.

This new, worrying tension did not break after John finally stepped out of the office, a triumphant and slightly almost smug smile all over his face (Rook thought it looked vaguely vicious, and his attraction to this man somehow grew and withered at the same time), with Whitehorse following, a grim look of reluctant acceptance attached to him.

It was deathly silent as the three others in the room pretended to not be interested and got on with their work.

“May I use your bathroom before I go?” John enquired, ever-so-politely.

Rook was already giving Staci a death glare before he could even twist his head and see the suggestive smirk on his friends face.

Whitehorse threw him a tight smile. “Of course... Rookie, show him where it is, will ya?”

Staci didn’t even have the chance to do anything sexual with his face, because Rook had already stuffed another cold hash brown into his face, to stop anything unprofessional in the workplace.

He didn’t miss the quiet fake-moan around the god damn hash brown though, and he had to whack Staci round the head to shut him the hell up. John Seed witnessed this, much to the dismay of Rook.

Awkwardly, he led the handsome man away from the scene and the silence crept on them both - it made Rook a little embarrassed but John seemed just fine.

After a nervous gesture to the bathroom door, he stood there awkwardly, while John looked closely, head tilted slightly.

Rook stared down at the ground, not looking up until John realised he wasn’t going to make eye contact with him.

“I recognise you, don’t I?”

Rook slowly moved his eyes up, accidentally (or not?) letting them graze over John’s body as he finally met his eyes.

Man, those eyes. Those blue eyes.

Rook smiled an awkward smile, but felt a little fluttery feeling inside.

He recognises me. A thrill went through him.

“Well, I’ve seen you around Aubrey's Diner a few times... I didn’t realise you saw me.”

John flashed a smile - not a fake one, like before, but a genuine amusement at the cute little look on Rook’s face.

“Oh, I saw you, Mr...?”

“Rook. Rook Diamante.”

John tilted his head up slightly, a small smile playing upon his lips. “Hmm, Rook Diamante...” He said the words as if he were testing them out on his tongue, and finding he liked them.

Rook couldn’t help but grin a little at that sight. “And you’re John Seed, yeah?”

The older man nodded, watching Rook carefully.

Rook could guess what he was searching for.

And his mouth opened before he could stop himself.

“You’re apart of your brothers... group or something, right?”

John laughed. “Yes, I am apart of Eden’s Gate.”

Rook nodded, with a quiet “ahh”.

John couldn’t help the widening of his smile and the slow, long look that pulled down Rook’s body. John let his gaze linger on the curve of the other mans ass and thighs. An image of John touching these parts of him flashed through his mind and left his heart racing and skin flushing slightly.

Rook didn’t miss this. He felt a heat rise up in him and for a moment, Staci’s suggestive comments running through his mind, and, for a second, he felt the crazy urge to shove John into the bathroom stall and grind up on him.

John stepped a little closer, feeling the tension between them. “This may be a bit unprofessional but... would you like to go to Aubrey’s Diner together sometime?”

Rook thought he might take flight in excitement. It showed in his voice, as he flustered, in a breathy voice, “Y-yeah! That... I’d like that a lot, actually.”

John grinned at the cuteness. “Good. Here.” He produced a little card from his jacket pocket, which Rook took, curiously.

It had ‘John Seed’ printed on it, with a phone number.

--------------------------------------------

“This was such a bad idea.”

“No, it isn’t, dumbass!” Staci rolled his eyes, rummaging through Rook’s old box of nail varnish. Rook had already taken out some black nail varnish out and painted a few hours ago.

Staci took out a dark, dark red colour and hummed in appreciation. As he started casually painting his perfect nails, Rook tried to get out of his third outfit choice of the night.

Staci frowned at him. “Why are you taking off the jeans? They show off your ass. Trust me, he’d like that.”

Rook growled and threw them across the room in frustration. He stood there in his dark red underwear, similar to the colour Staci was putting on his nails. “How the fuck do I know what he likes? I don’t even know him.”

Staci didn’t look up. “Isn’t that the point of tonight? Getting to know him or some shit?”

Rook groaned. “I don’t even fucking know! We didn’t clarify... maybe he...” Rook swallowed down disappointment. “... maybe he just wants to be friends.”

Staci did look up then. “Are you being serious? How much of a dumbass are you?!”

Rook put his hands on his hips, his eyebrows raised, bottom lip between his teeth.

“What are you looking at me like that for? Did you even see the look he gave you when he left the station? You don’t look at friends like that.”

Rook stopped the sass and starting biting his black nails. Staci rolled his eyes again and got up. He smacked Rook’s hands away from his mouth, and reviewed the outfits at hand.

There was silence for a moment as Staci worked his magic and worked out the outfit like it was a puzzle.

“Your favourite colour is red, right?”

Rook nodded.

“Hmm. Good. Dark red is your colour. Mix it with black. Put on them black jeans again. They’re your colour and they make you look hot.”

Rook did what was instructed, making no noise in argument. While he put them on, Staci ruffled through a few t-shirts and shirts in Rook’s drawer, making thinking noises.

He chose a few options. He held a dark blue t-shirt in one hand and a dark red shirt with buttons in the other. “This is the part where you have to choose.”

Rook pouted. “Why can’t I wear my slutty black and red one?”

Staci flicked his forehead. “BECAUSE.”

There wasn’t much more of an explanation than that.

When Rook had gotten the red shirt on him, they both argued about what piercings to put in. Eventually, they decided on plain rings up the side of his ear, but none on his ear lobe, as Staci declared it “too much”. The eyebrow bar was included, although Staci um-ed and ah-ed over this for a while.

By the time Staci had finished his work, Rook’s tummy felt the dormant notion of anxiety and butterflies. He took a deep breath in and tried to apply logic to the situation, just as his parents taught him.

This wasn’t going to kill him. The worst that could happen is John rejecting him.

He’s in a cult. He might try and indoctrinate you.

Rook was horrified by the stirring from below he felt at that thought.

Staci practically pushed him out of the building, squeezing out after him. “Don’t think so much, just go fuck him.”

Rook nodded.

“And tell me if he kills you.”

Rook whacked him.

------------------------------------

John has the sense not to arrive in one of the white Eden’s Gate trucks, instead pulling up to Aubrey’s Diner in a sleek car that looked too fancy for the small county.

Rook raised an eyebrow, leaning casually against the wall of the building, feeling excited.

I’ve got a rich boy on my hands, he thought, amused.

John gracefully slipped out of the car and locked it with a simple press of his keys, not looking away from Rook.

John was captured by the way Rook appeared to be so casual but dressed like he cared. He let himself wonder what the other man might look like with those jeans and that red shirt off of him, a little smirk pleasantly displayed on his face, obviously intended for Rook to pick up on it.

Rook grinned, pushing himself off of the wall and stepping closer, letting himself take in the pretty man right in front of him.

Suits were so John’s look, Rook couldn’t even handle it.

The older man flashed a small smile, and Rook smiled back at him.

“Shall we go in, Mr. Diamante?” John asked, teasingly.

Rook laughed a little. “You can call me Rook, Mr. Seed.”

John chuckled and slipped a hand on to Rook’s arm, making him shiver. Rook was a confident enough guy but this man was absolutely oozing it - he wondered what it might be like to have John in the bedroom.

Chill out, he only put his hand on your arm.

They walked in, finding a seat easily. Rook looked at the drink menu and offered one to John.

He smiled, something a little off about it. “I’m afraid I don’t drink.”

Rook could sense a backstory but would never ask on the first date. Date?

“Oh, I see. Would you prefer me not to as well?”

John hesitated and it was all Rook needed to confirm it.

Before John could respond and explain that he didn’t want to be responsible for Rook if he got too drunk to walk or respond, the waiter came over, giving John Seed a dirty look.

The locals don’t like him.

“I’ll have a milkshake please,” Rook requested, with a smile.

The waiter gave him a look that said “Are you five?” but Rook didn’t give a shit. If he couldn’t drink, he’d focus on something else addictive. Sugar.

John looked pleasantly surprised and felt just as grateful. After he ordered a coke with ice, the waiter scribbling it down reluctantly, he turned to Rook.

“You didn’t have to-”

“No way,” he said, simply, “I could tell you would get uncomfortable. And you’re much more important than alcohol.”

John smirked at the implications and Rook’s eyes widened.

“I just mean-! I meant that you deserve respect more than some drink. I came to see you, not the drinks, after all...” Rook tried to fight off the blushing.

John chuckled. “It’s ok, Rook. Thank you, I appreciate your hospitality.”

Rook lets out a laugh through his nose and shakes his head. “It’s only basic respect, dude.”

John laughed. “That’s quite hard to come by nowadays.”

Rook scoffed. “Oh, trust me, I’m aware!”

The next hour was filled with discussion about the horrendous dates that they had both been on. Rook explained about the disrespect and fetishization for being Mexican and trans, which John took in his stride. John, in turn, described being body shamed and being pursued as a sugar daddy, which made Rook shake his head.

“So...” Rook started slightly hesitant, “You really don’t mind about the whole trans thing?”

It was so important to check.

John smiled gently and slid his hand over to Rook’s, placing it over his comfortingly. “I really don’t mind. If it’s ok for me to mention... I have been with transgender people before. I try to learn everything I’m supposed to, to make them comfortable, you understand?”

Rook grinned back. “Look’s like I picked the right guy to be attracted to then.”

John huffed out a laugh and leaned forward, teasingly. “You chose to be attracted to me, did you?”

Rook chuckled, a hint of seductiveness in his voice, despite the cheesiness of his next statement. “Oh, I’d say it was more like it chose me. You’re just something, you know?”

John had to fight the childish blush that came up to his cheeks. “Why, thank you, Rook Diamante.”

Rook shivered and felt something twist pleasantly in his lower belly.

“And I promise you, I’m not one of those people who actively seek transgender people... what are they called? I’m sure they had a name...”

“Chasers.” Rook supplied, drinking through his straw.

“Right.” John nodded. “I don’t understand that. You’re not a piece of meat, you’re a person. While you’re certainly...” he blushed, looking away from Rook’s smirk, ”attractive... you don’t deserve that kind of creepiness.”

Rook chuckled and nodded. “Agreed. I understand having some kind of fetish or kink, don’t get me wrong...” he flicked his eyes up at John, smirking slightly, “but if it’s something like that, it gets creepy as fuck.”

John laughed. “Of course. And... how much do you understand having some kind of fetish or kink...?” The question was part teasing, part hopeful, and Rook was ready to get into it.

“What an inappropriate question, Mr. Seed!” He took another slurp of milkshake. “I do understand having kinks, yeah. What about you?”

He looked to John, curious to see what he says.

If he says he doesn’t have any, that man is a liar. Kink is written all over him.

John laughed, almost like he’d been caught out, with Rook giving him a “I know who you are” look.

“Yes, I have to say I do as well.”

Rook grinned and leaned forward. “Alright, man, pull out the list.”

John laughed hard, while Rook couldn’t help but giggle. His laughter was kind of contagious.

John stopped laughing and drank from his glass, still slightly chuckling around it. “Ok, I’ll indulge you. How about you suggest one and I’ll tell you which ones I... understand.”

Still grinning, Rook immediately pulled the first one he could think of. “Power play.”

“Yes.”

Rook called it. “Are you usually the submissive one or the dominant one?”

Gotta be a Dom right?

John smiled. “Well, I enjoy being either but... I gotta say, being a submissive is my preference.”

Wow, I was wrong. My fault for presuming, I guess.

John chuckled at the badly-hidden surprise on Rook’s face. “What about you, my handsome companion?”

Rook blushed and grinned. “Similar to you - I think I’d like being either, but...” He looked up right into John’s eyes. “I definitely would prefer being the Dominant one.”

John’s eyes flushed with something heated and his leg moved almost independently from him, to brush up firmly against Rook’s. Rook felt the urge to drag him into the bathroom again.

He liked that. Oh my God, he liked that.

John continued to rub his leg against Rook’s inner thigh, slightly but ever-so-noticeable.

“Continue.” he whispered, gazing at Rook.

The younger man swallowed and tried to breathe naturally. “Ok. Choking?”

“Yes.”

Rook chuckled, breathlessly. “That was quick.”

An image of his hand around John’s throat popped into his head and his eyes flicked from his hand to John’s neck, trying to suss out whether or not it would be a perfect fit.

Only one way to find out...

Rook shook his head to snap out of it and tried to keep up the conversation. “Me too.”

John looked at him expectantly.

“Piss?” Rook blurted out, without thinking.

John couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “Sort of? I can be into the power part of it, but it’s only really something I do if the person I’m with is particularly hot and particularly into it. What about you, Rook?”

Rook shook his head. “I don’t think so. It’s not something I would like to try.”

John nodded, smiling slightly. He was sensing a pattern in Rook’s speech, the way in which he was referring to these interests of theirs.

“Ok, something extreme. Knife and gun play?”

John breathed in through his nose, leaning back to take in the question, but not taking his leg away from Rook’s. “Now that’s quite a prompt.”

Rook laughed and looked into his second milkshake - banana, this time, instead of strawberry. Chocolate was next. “I’m sorry if that was too much.”

John chuckled, slowly and seductively. “No, no, darling.” Rook felt that feeling in his belly again. “In fact, that is exactly my speed.”

Rook watched him. “So? You... understand it, right?”

John nodded. “Oh yes, I definitely understand it.”

“I think I’d like to try them. It kind of tracks that I would like it.” He laughed awkwardly.

John leaned in, ready to ask the question he wanted to. “You don’t have to answer but it might be important if you feel like...” He pushed his knee further up Rook’s thigh, “taking this a little further.”

Rook leaned in too, somehow not scared.

“Are you a virgin, Rook? Or have you simply not done anything kink related?”

Rook blushed very hard. He knew this would have to come up at some point, and he wasn’t embarrassed, not really. But he was still a touch nervous, even if he didn’t think John would mind.

“Well, honestly, I’ve never really had sex before and was kinda hoping you would teach me.” It was cheeky and playful but, underneath, Rook was hoping John would take it lightly.

John chuckled, and placed his hand on Rook’s thigh too. “Oh, you handsome man, I think I would adore teaching you.”

Rook flushed with something lustful. “My place or yours?”

John laughed, almost with shock. “You’re eager, aren’t you?”

The younger man leaned closer and placed his hand on John’s chin, tilting it up slightly. “Only for you, pretty boy.”

John felt that the heat had built up too much for him to not say the next words. “Are you ok with your place?”

“Yes.”

---------------------------------------

John drove them to Rook’s place, in warm silence that promised something hot as soon as they got inside somewhere with a bed or any other surface. Every so often, Rook would give directions and, every so often, John would turn to Rook quickly and give him a look that promised the best sex of his life.

When they pulled in to Rook’s place, there was a relaxed but hurried atmosphere. Rook wrapped an arm around John’s waist, and guided him to the door.

John grinned when Rook tried to open the door with his key, purposely placing himself behind him, pressed up against him, hands on Rook’s hips. The younger man looked back for a moment and glared playfully and John laughed.

“You’d better behave, pretty boy.”

John breathed in hard, taken aback but now a little hard at the idea of this man giving him a punishment for his bad behaviour.

He leaned in to whisper in Rook's ear, breath tickling his skin. "You're very much mistaken if you think I'm the type to behave."

Rook whipped round very quickly, the door now open, and swiftly drew John's head close to his. As Rook bit the soft skin of John's earlobe, he heard John's breathing become more erratic.

"And you are severely mistaken if you think I'd let that slide."

And he pulled John inside.

---------------------------------------------------

Ok so that was that!

If you want the actual sex scene, I might post it on my ao3 for ya to read. I'm going to post this one too.

I hope that was okay, if you feel something was done wrong, let me know! :)

#far cry 5 #far cry 5 fanfiction #fanfic #john seed x male deputy #john seed #male deputy

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puckinginsane · 4 years ago

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I don't think you're meaning to do this, but I wanted to let you know that it's coming off as though you're victimizing yourself and Jamie and not focusing on the real victims, which are trans people. That's why so many people are mad at you and other blogs. That and the fact that a lot of the statements from asks that you're agreeing with come from a heavily uneducated viewpoint. And like I said, I don't think that's your intent. But that is the way it's coming across.

Also I saw a lot of questions about how people knew for sure he liked it because he agrees with it. Jamie follows Candace Owens, or at least did at the time of the incident.

Additionally this isn't the first time Jamie has ruffled some feathers. He made a pretty insensitive joke about keeping who you vote for to yourself in a time where talking about voting and campaigning was crucial, especially so for marginalized groups, trans people most certainly included.

I don't mean to say this to sound rude, but you're really giving Jamie too much credit. He's human before anything else, and humans are pretty fucked up. He isn't some great person to be praised and go without criticism. No hockey player is. Jamie and his fans are not the victim in this situation. Jamie will never be affected by people talking shit about him, and for his cisgender fans such as yourself, you can just hit a block button and decide to ignore issues on transphobia if you want. Trans people are the victim. These issues can't go ignored, and you hurt trans people more than you realize by continuously following him blindly and sticking up for him, when he doesn't even deserve that much. Please take all the effort you've put into defending Jamie and agreeing with this covertly transphobic anons into not only reading up on transphobic issues, especially in sports because there are bills about that being voted on as we speak, but also advocating for trans people and becoming a better ally. Intent doesn't at all matter, you can unintentionally be transphobic, so I'm hoping this ask more than anything helps you better reflect and understand the issue many people are having with what you've posted. You don't even have to post it publicly if you don't want, I don't want you to do that just because you feel obligated. I just ask that you take it to heart and actually reflect on the situation from a different perspective. I know it can be easy to get defensive from a cis person's viewpoint when stuff like this happens, and it can be overwhelming.

So I want this ask to be a reminder to check up on how some trans people feel about this. If you need references, there is catboygretzky and jamesvanriemsdyk, I'm pretty sure sortagaysortahigh made some posts, moritzseider, probably a lot more I'm just blanking. But please don't just circulate the same opinions from cis people, do actually look into this issue a bit deeper than that. I don't think you're doing that intentionally but I think maybe you don't follow enough trans people to see these posts. I'm also pretty sure catboygretzky made a trans blog masterlist back when he addressed transphobia in the hockey community, so that may be worth checking out.

I don't want any of this to come off as rude, not the intent. But I want it to come off as crucial. Piece of shit athletes will still be here at the end of the day. Trans people whose lives are on the line across the nation because of transphobic lawmakers which are heavily supported by Candace Owens might not.

I thought that I would use my day off to come up with the perfect words for the perfect response to this and I'm realizing that it's not possible. People are going to feel the way they feel no matter what I say. I can only be me and I can't control how people perceive me no matter what I say because I am not on their "side", and it's sad that there are sides to this.

A hockey player liked a video and everyone blew it out of proportion. That's how I feel. I'm not saying these issues aren't important but the energy going towards this is going towards the wrong person/people.

I'm certainly not claiming anyone is a victim here because I don't feel like there's been any wrong doing. I DO feel that the harrassment and the bullying that has come out of it is wrong, no matter who is doing it.

I hate that people are hurt. Of course I don't want that. But we can sit here and talk back and forth about who is right and who is wrong and never come to an agreement on anything so I'm not even going to try.

This is the last I'm going to be addressing it. It's enough already.

Also that voting thing was a comment on all of the pictures of people with their I voted stickers and had nothing to do with discouraging people to vote. People always look for reasons to cancel someone and it's sickening. If you wanna sit there and make yourself miserable then go ahead, don't bring others down with you.

And, yeah, I know this message isn't going to come off the way I'd like it to but I can't help that.

I appreciate you coming to me without attacking me and I wish I had better words but I don't.

Any more asks about this will be deleted.

#pucking asks

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sanderssidesfanfiction · 6 years ago

Text

We’ll Carry On - Chapter Thirty Nine

We’ll Carry On Tag

General Content Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Substance Abuse, Abandonment, Minor Character Death, Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociation, Bullying, Homophobia

August 4th, 2019

Dee was terrified, and he couldn’t say a thing. He had gotten out of bed to ask Dad or Ami if he could have a glass of water, because he couldn’t sleep, but when he got to the master bedroom’s door, he heard hissed arguments.

He shouldn’t have stayed to listen. It was impolite to eavesdrop. But Dee was curious, so he stood to the side of the door and strained his ears to catch the words.

“I don’t care what she says, Remy, I’m not letting her see Dee again!”

“Emile, I know you’re mad, but we finally found her, and even if we press charges, shouldn’t Dee have a proper goodbye?”

“No! She had that opportunity and she abused it! I’m not letting Dee see his mother one last time before she gets arrested!”

Dee’s eyes widened and he nearly dropped Fangs. He scurried back to his room, curling up on his bed. What...? Dad and Ami had found Mama? And they didn’t tell him? Did they not trust him to not run back to her? Or were they just worried about what she might say to him?

...If they didn’t tell him this, what else didn’t they tell him?

December 10th, 2019

Dee signed to Lucy, who was watching him from the monkey bars. She laughed and dropped to the ground when she lost her grip from laughing too hard at one of Dee’s jokes. He grinned, and she walked over to him, pouting. “Come on, Dee, I was about to get all the way across!”

Shrugging, he continued to grin. “It was a funny joke! I didn’t want to forget it!” he signed in his defense.

Lucy shook her head with a grin. “Whatever, I can always try again,” she said.

As she made her way back to the ladder that lead up to the monkey bars, James shoved her. “Outta my way!” he snapped. He ran up to Dee and jumped to a stop in front of him, causing Dee to flinch. “I know you can hear, freak, so why don’t you talk?”

Dee crossed his arms and glared at James. He had been picking on Dee at recess whenever he could since the beginning of the year. But Dee didn’t intend on even giving him the time of day. James was a jerk, and Dee hated jerks. Instead, he walked around James and over to Lucy, signing, “Are you okay?”

She brushed woodchips off her hands and jeans and nodded. “I’m fine, just a little startled.”

Dee nodded. James stalked over and shoved him. “Hey, freak, I asked you a question!”

“He’s not a freak!” Lucy exclaimed. “He’s selectively mute!”

“What would you know?” James sneered.

“More than you!” Lucy growled. “Dee’s my best friend! Of course I know more about him than you!”

“Whatever,” James sneered. “I don’t wanna talk to anyone who’s friends with the freak!”

Dee glared and signed, “I don’t wanna talk to you either.”

James frowned, and Dee grinned. James didn’t know sign language, he couldn’t understand what Dee was saying. “What did he say?”

Lucy smiled sweetly. “I thought you didn’t want to talk to me or Dee?”

“Tell me what he said!” James demanded.

“No!” Lucy said, crossing her arms.

James balled his hands into fists and brought one back behind his head. Dee’s eyes widened and he pushed Lucy out of the way before she could get hit, and he got punched instead. His lip throbbed, and he spat out one of his teeth into the palm of his hand. “I’ve been waiting for that one to go for a while,” he muttered. “Lucy, look!”

Lucy stared at him in shock. “Dee, he knocked your teeth out!”

Dee shrugged, sticking the tooth in his coat pocket and zipping the pocket up. “Yeah, but it was loose anyway,” he signed.

Lucy stood up, staring at him, which Dee was sure must have been a sight, blood dribbling down his chin and one of his front teeth missing. Then, she turned, cheeks bright red, to James. She cussed him out, before taking a swing herself. Dee’s eyes widened and he wrapped his arms around her waist, trying to pull her away from James. Unfortunately, some of James’ friends saw the commotion, and came over. It was three against two, and Dee was looking around for a teacher, but all he saw were kids rushing over, chanting “Fight! Fight! Fight!” like a war cry.

Dee tried to hold Lucy back, but she broke free and lunged at James again, only to have one of his friends kick her and shove her to the ground. Dee turned red and screeched his displeasure, rushing over and taking a swing at the boy. He kept his thumb over his bottom knuckles like Logan taught him, and the boy’s head snapped to the side upon impact. He toppled to the ground. Dee turned to James’ other friend, who quickly backed away into the crowd of kids.

When he turned to James, he was kicked in the shins. Dee hissed like a snake, baring his teeth, and James backed up in surprise. “Break it up!” one of the teachers yelled, running over. She grabbed Dee by the shoulder and put a hand on James’ chest. “That’s enough! All four of you, to the principal’s office! Now!”

Dee huffed, helping Lucy to her feet and letting the teacher lead him to the principal’s office, head held high. James glared at him from the other side of the teacher, and his friend tried to lunge for Dee in revenge, only to have the teacher grab him and say, “Really, Troy?”

“He hit me first!” James exclaimed.

“No I didn’t!” Dee signed. “He tried to hit Lucy!”

“I don’t care who hit who first,” the teacher growled. “All of you will be talking to the principal.”

“James knocked one of Dee’s teeth out!” Lucy exclaimed. “Are you gonna let him get away with that?!”

The teacher sighed and wrangled all four of them into the office, before knocking on the principal’s door. James used the distraction to suckerpunch Dee in the stomach. The air left his mouth in a whoosh and he couldn’t get it back. He gaped like a fish out of water, gasping for breath.

“James!” the teacher admonished, offering Dee a hand as she also pushed James away from Dee. “That’s enough!”

Dee climbed to his feet by himself and tried to breathe again, forcing air through his nose and out his mouth. He felt like retching, but he wouldn’t give James the satisfaction. When the principal opened the door and took a look at all of them, he sighed. “Of course,” he said, like they got called into the office all the time. “Come in, you four. Thank you, Misses Smith.”

The teacher left and the four kids walked into the principal’s office. “Your brother was in here near the end of last year in a similar situation, Deagan,” Mister Gardener said. “I suppose you’re going to say that the fight which clearly occurred wasn’t your fault?”

“It wasn’t his fault!” Lucy exclaimed. “James called him a freak! James took the first swing! Dee did nothing wrong!”

“Miss Blye, let Deagan speak for himself,” Mister Gardener said.

“It wasn’t my fault,” Dee insisted. “And don’t call me Deagan, please.”

“Deagan, use your words, not your hands,” the principal said, with that infuriatingly patronizing voice setting Dee’s teeth on edge.

“He hit me first!” James exclaimed. “Lucy’s lying, and Deagan has problems with his anger all the time!”

Dee rolled his eyes and scoffed. “I’m not an idiot,” he signed at James. “Not like you, at any rate.”

“James, that’s enough. Deagan, use your words. We all want to know what you have to say.”

Dee gave him a withering glare and crossed his arms, but Mister Gardener would not be moved. “I’m autistic, not a moron,” he informed Mister Gardener, trying to put venom in his voice. “James doesn’t agree with me. He calls me a freak and makes fun of me for signing. I was signing to Lucy, and to him, and Lucy refused to translate for him, because he was being mean to both of us. So he tried to hit her. I pushed her out of the way, he knocked out one of my teeth,” Dee pulled down his lower lip to point at the gap between his teeth, “And I punched him back. Sure, I shouldn’t have done that, but he started it by calling me a freak.”

Mister Gardener pinched the bridge of his nose. “And Troy?”

“Kicked Lucy in the stomach. So I slugged him,” Dee said with a shrug and a shameless grin. “You seem surprised, Mister Gardener. I don’t know why you are. You’re the one who tried to insist I go to the school for the ‘emotionally disturbed’ kids because there I could get ‘accommodations’ and you wouldn’t have to deal with me.”

Lucy blinked. “You speak really well, Dee.”

“I really don’t,” Dee said, turning to her. “I don’t know tone, and I can’t use it right. My vocabulary’s good, but nothing else is.”

Lucy shrugged. “I hope they don’t take away your translator,” she said simply. “Sorry for dragging you into this.”

Dee shrugged. “I’m just glad you didn’t get hit as much,” he signed sincerely.

“I will be informing your parents of your behavior, of course,” Mister Gardener said, picking up the phone. “I don’t doubt what you said is true, because Deagan is certainly not able to lie that well,” oh, if only he knew the irony of that statement, “But you’re all in trouble for fighting, instead of using your words.”

Lucy held her head high and James and Troy protested, but Dee’s blood ran cold. What were Dad and Ami going to think of him now? Would they think he was a bad person? After all, he didn’t hit back in self-defence, he hit because he was angry. Would they want to get rid of him, like Mama did? Would they send him back to Mama? He didn’t know. And that terrified him.

Slowly, everyone’s parents came to pick their kids up, and everyone was given two days suspension for their actions. Dee’s translator came in once recess would have been over, and she talked with Lucy’s parents to help Mister Gardener. But Dad and Ami didn’t show up for a while.

When Troy had just been picked up, Dee was waiting with his stuff in the office and Dad rushed in. “Dee?! I’m so sorry, I was with a patient and I couldn’t leave, and Ami got tied up at the coffee shop. Are you okay?”

Dee nodded, pulling his tooth out of his pocket. “I lost a tooth,” he said.

Dad frowned, confused. “Okay? Why did the principal call?”

“Probably because James is the one who punched me hard enough to knock it out,” Dee said with a shrug. “I’m suspended for two days for hitting him and Troy back.”

Dad shook his head. “You hit back?” he asked.

“James was aiming for Lucy. I got in the way,” Dee said. “Do you think the tooth fairy will still take a tooth if it’s bloody?”

“I don’t think she’ll be picky,” Dad said with a laugh. “Do I need to talk to the principal?”

Dee nodded. “And then can we go home?”

“Yeah.” Dad squeezed Dee’s shoulder. “I’m proud of you for sticking up for your best friend.”

Dee let Dad go into the principal’s office, and when he came back out, he led Dee to the van. Dee played with the zipper on his jacket. “Dad, you’re not gonna send me away, right?” he signed.

“Of course not. Why would you ask?” Dad responded without missing a beat.

“I was a bad person,” Dee signed. “I know that you found Mama. I know you didn’t let me see her because you thought she was a bad person. I thought you just...didn’t want bad people in your life.”

Dad stared at him, before crouching down to his level. “Dee, I didn’t let you see your mom when we found her because I was worried she would hurt you more. Not because she was a bad person. I didn’t want you to see her once, and then never again, and be retraumatized. You’re not a bad person for defending your friend, either. You were trying to make sure that the bullies didn’t come after you again. I’m proud of you for that.”

Dee took a breath. “The principal forced me to talk,” he signed. “I hated it.”

Dad winced. “I’m really sorry, Dee. You know we’d never do that to you, though, right? We’d never force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with, and we wouldn’t kick you out over anything.”

Dee stared. “Why?” he asked.

“Because you’re family, Dee,” Emile said. “No matter whether or not you ‘fit in,’ you’re part of our family, and we take care of our own, no matter what.”

Dee blinked. He knew that Dad and Ami loved him, on some abstract level, but he didn’t realize that he was part of the family, no matter if he fit in with the others or not. He saw the family as Dad, Ami, his brothers, and then him, like an afterthought. But he wasn’t an afterthought. Not to Dad, not to Ami. He smiled. He was family. And that meant he fit in well enough, just being himself.

Dad smiled back. “Ready to go home?”

Dee nodded. Home. With family. He didn’t realize how much he wanted that until he realized that he had it all along.

#we'll carry on #sanders sides fanfiction #deceit sanders #emile picani #our creations #danger gays

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nerdygaymormon · 6 years ago

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I wish I could just fade away from existence. Just stop being. Life, I feel, is too hard at the moment. My church community hates me because Im trans and bi. My queer community can often be racist. My cultural/ethnic community often hate me because I’m queer (Im indigenous to my country and Italian). All these communities can be incredibly anti fat and anti disability of which I am both. It feels like no mater where I go people hate me just for being me. (1/2)

And then when I die I go to hell according to my bishop. I came out to my stake president because my dad told me to. He told me that I’ll most likely have to face disciplinary actions because the church doesn’t allow trans people (even though I haven’t done anything medically). I don’t understand why God made me like this if I’m so wrong? I’ve tried to change for years and I can’t, and now I can’t even be a member of my various communities. I just want to disappear into nothingness. (2/2)

—————————————————————

I hear you. I recognize the pain you’re feeling.

My initial reaction to reading this is “what a strong person.”

Other people have been beating you up. Your own thoughts have been against you to the point you don’t see good in yourself. Youcontacted me to say you don’t have any hope.

This is the opposite of giving up, this is saying that “staying alive is really hard, please give me something to help me fight, some hope I can use to stay alive.”

That’s strength and endurance!

—————————————————————

As your friend, I’m recommending you find a way to meet with a mental health expert.

Wishing you were dead is a form of suicide ideation. Therapy can help you with this. They can also diagnose if you’re depressed. Counseling can help with internalized transphobia/biphobia, with negative feelings & thoughts associated withyour disability.

—————————————————————

I want to address each of the statements you made because I want to counter the negative messages in them.

“My church community hates me because I’m trans and bi.”

There may be some at church who feel that way. I think the truth is your church community doesn’t know what to make of you. You don’t fit in their doctrine. Their doctrine needs to expand.

Another part of their doctrine is love. Their response should be to love you, even if they don’t understand.

—————————————————————

“My queer community can often be racist.”

This is true. And people like to dismiss that criticism by saying it’s just their preference.

I’m not sure where you live, but many countries have racism embedded in their culture, and then it seeps over into the queer community as well.

As much as queer people know what it’s like to be dismissed and rejected over something they didn’t choose, you’d think we’d be better at identifying with andembracing other groups who face discrimination rather than perpetuate it.

—————————————————————

“My cultural/ethnic community often hate me because I’m queer.”

Cultures like to tell stories about themselves and see themselvesportrayed in a particular way. People like to see themselves and theirancestors as heroic or noble.

Since straight people are the majority, it’stheir stories that get told. If they’re a minority group embedded in a larger culture, they cling to their myths all the more tightly.

I’ve been to Italy, there are gay clubs, even in little Verona where I stayed for a week. Cultures adapt and change and ex-pat communities often are frozen in how things were.

There is also a history of queer people among indigenous peoples but their stories are not the ones you hear.

If your cultural and ethnic communities hate you because you’re queer, either they don’t know their own history. or it’s time for them to be better and for their community to progress.

—————————————————————

“All these communities can be incredibly anti fat and anti disability.”

Agreed. That is true of the general society and it permeates down into the sub-cultures.

—————————————————————

“It feels like no matter where I go people hate me just for being me.”

I’m so sorry that this is your experience. One thing I can say is that as you get older and have more control over your decisions and life, you also get more control over who you associate with.

Queer people often have to build their own families and support networks because we don’t find what weneed in the communities that we’re a part of.

—————————————————————

“when I die I go to hell according to my bishop”

I don’t believe that. You shouldn’t either.

Your bishopis way off base. Even the notorious Elder Oaks says there’s a kingdom of glory waiting for you.

—————————————————————

“I’ll most likely face disciplinary actions because the church doesn’t allow trans people.”

I disagree.

I have access to the church handbooks for leaders. The only thing punishable about being trans is “elective transsexual surgery.” That’s it! Everything else is within bounds.

Your bishop or stake president may not like if you start wearing clothes that match thegender you identify with or ask people to call you by a new name or use the restroom that corresponds with your gender, but those are not actions that bring discipline.

—————————————————————

“I don’t understand why God made me like this if I’m so wrong?”

You think God sees you as wrong? I don’t.

You can get an assurance that God loves you quite separate from anything a bishop or anyone else in church may say. We like to say that we’re children of Heavenly Parents. Think of that. Do parents love their children? Even if they’re overweight? Even if they have a disability? Even if this or that? YES!

Why did God make you this way? I don’t know.

But I think of the story in John 9:2 when the disciples ask, “Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?”

In verse 3 “Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.”

Jesus came to be a light to the world and this blind man was there to demonstrate it. We in the church, in the queer community, in society, have a lot to learn from your experience. You help us to see the light.

—————————————————————

I’m going to share something very personal with you. Last October I felt Igot a message from God. I want to share part of it with you.

“I sent you, and you agreed, to find my children who aretender and hurting. You are who I send to them. You are who affirms them and helps them with their hurting. Experiencing pain, rejection and disappointments prepared you for this. The need is so great and you have so much love to give.”

My pain, my sorrows, my years in the closet struggling to accept myself, that’s what prepared me to help others. My experience helped shape me to be kind, empathetic, gentle, affirming, and able to see when others arehurting.

I imagine like the blind man in the New Testament, you are going to be a tool to help others. Just by being you, others are forced to recognize their prejudices. They have to make a choice about how to treat you. You help them to be better people.

—————————————————————

I know it’s hard. I know it’s unfair. I know people want you to fit into a mold that doesn’t work for you. Trying to meet expectations of others in an attempt to fit in is a lot of work.

As you figure out what works for you, you have to draw boundaries. You have to choose to disassociate with certain people or communities. You have to look after yourself, and that includes cutting the toxic out of your life. You may not be able to do all of it now. Bit by bit your life will improve.

Charting your own path is work, but will be so rewarding.

You know why people value 4-leaf clovers? Because they’re rarer and different from the more common 3-leaf clover. You are a rare combination of traits. Just because some people can’t see the treasure you are, don’t give up on yourself.

In the movies, people who are different often aren’t treated well in the beginning of the film, but usually at the end they’re the ones who come and save the day. Maybe you’re a superhero in development!

#this is long because it's important #being different is difficult #queerstake

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deciduess · 6 years ago

Text

I think this is called a Peak Trans™ moment?

❌ LeSbOpHoBeS dO nOT iNtErAcT ❌

If you have a problem with this post, please see my bio before privately messaging me or reblogging. Thanks.

🌸

I need to vent about something.

A couple of weeks ago, a leftist Instagram account I followed posted these photos:

As a lesbian, I disagree with this post. The account in question encourages discourse, so I decided to comment on it. I’ll be referring to the account as “OP”.

I typed my original comment into my Notes app before sending it, which is the only reason I can share it with you (OP blocked me). It read as follows:

As a lesbian, I don’t think I’d date a trans person because I want a woman who can understand the experience of being socialized as female. I have a lot of trauma with regards to how I was born and socialized. Only other AFAB women will be able to relate to that— even if they haven’t been assaulted (or otherwise experienced what I have). Plus, as a cis person, there’s no way for me to understand the trans experience, so I think there’d be a huge rift between a trans girlfriend and I. I don’t think I’d be able to soothe her or relate to her deeply if she told me about trauma she has as a result of being trans in this society. Of course, trans people don’t usually say that they’ll ONLY date other trans people, but I think they have every right to have that preference.

Unfortunately, I cannot screenshot the rest of the thread, as I’m blocked. The thread isn’t visible to unblocked accounts either.

I will do my best to summarize the rest of the conversation.

Now, both of the people who responded to me were incredibly rude. They insulted me quite a few times, but I can’t remember exactly how they phrased everything, so I’ll just be summarizing their arguments-- minus the attitude. It’s important to note their abusive language, however, because it’s part of the reason this conversation affected me so negatively.

OP: You sound like a TERF. Also, I’ve never heard of a trans person who will only date other trans people. Sounds like a straw man just to excuse your transphobia. And how can you say that trans women aren’t socialized as women?

Me: No, trans women aren’t socialized as female. That’s what makes them trans as opposed to cis, right? They were assigned and socialized as male.

People with vaginas have to deal with much higher rates of sexual harassment and assault even in childhood. And we have to see ourselves assaulted again and again and again when we read the news, watch TV, or read books/comics. I’ve been called weak, unintelligent, and overall inferior all my life due to how I was born. Trans men can relate to this, but trans women cannot. All of this starts early— even before we’re born (I mean, look at gender reveal parties: “guns or glitter”).

OP: So what you’re saying is: trans women are men. Trans people are assaulted too. You’re making a blanket statement about all trans women [when you say they can’t understand female oppression/socialization]. What if a trans woman transitioned at a very young age?

*I decided to ignore OP’s question because... it’s fucking stupid lmfao. You can’t transition in the womb, and you certainly couldn’t consent to that as a baby.

Me: What?? I didn’t say that. You’re putting words into my mouth. Trans women are women, but they have different experiences than cis women.

I know that trans people are assaulted at higher rates than cis people, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that people with vaginas make up the vast majority of victims.

OP: That’s exactly what you’re saying. So, trans women have male privilege, huh? Just admit you’re transphobic and go. Now, answer the FUCKING question.

*I know I said I wasn’t going to convey the tone of these messages, but… wow. Males have told me to “answer the FUCKING question” several times in my life, so that got to me. Males literally can’t act like human beings. The fact that OP is just like any other male no matter how “they” identify is so evident here.

**Now, a trans “woman” starts attacking me. “She” replied to me three times, I think. But I don’t remember how the replies fit into the conversation, and “she” kept repeating “herself”. So, I’m just going to summarize all of that in this one comment.

Trans “Woman”: I’ve been female-socialized and harassed ever since I transitioned at age 16. Also, I’ve been called weak and unintelligent all my life, but thanks for assuming otherwise.

*At this point, I’m getting irritated by these two constantly misconstruing what I’m saying and denying my experiences. So, unfortunately, I use a passive-aggressive emoji. I also use two question marks instead of one. I’m not proud of that, but keep in mind, these two had been complete asshats to me this entire time.

I was so tired at this point. I was sharing my trauma (which isn’t easy for me to talk about,,,,), and I was being so nice. I was trying so hard to center them even though I was talking about my trauma. I didn’t understand why they weren’t reciprocating my energy.

Me: @trans”woman” I’ve been called ‘weak’ and ‘unintelligent’ because I have a vagina. It’s a little different. 🙃

@OP Wait, do you guys think that sex-based oppression doesn’t exist? Like, do you think trans men have the same privilege as cis men??

*OP doesn’t respond for a while. The trans “woman” never responds, either. Finally, OP replies…

OP: You know what? I think I’m just going to block you.

Anddd, that’s why I can’t include screenshots of the interaction on this post. I was kind of relieved that I didn’t have to deal with two MALES shitting on me anymore, though. 🙃🙃🙃

🌸

I grew up in a conservative household, but I’ve been a leftist ever since I was a late-teen. Since getting closer to adulthood, I’ve leaned far left on most issues before even reading other leftists’ opinions on the matters. Over the years, though, I’ve been a cetrist on a few topics.

Usually, this is because I don’t have all the information I need. So, when I notice that I disagree with the majority of leftists on something, I read more about it, and I read their opinions. I almost always end up agreeing with the leftist majority opinion on any given topic.

There are only two major issues I haven’t agreed with most leftists on yet: gun rights and trans rights. Leftists support the Second Amendment... I see both sides. I’m beginning to lean pro-Second Amendment, but that has happened before, so it could happen again. I’m not going to elaborate on this because this post isn’t about that.

When it comes to trans rights, I have NEVER understood the popular leftist opinion. I have been trying for years to understand trans people better. But in the end, my opinion has just been, “Well, I don’t have to understand your identity in order to support it and use your pronouns. Your identity isn’t hurting anybody, and no one should hurt you over your identity.” I still agree with that sentiment. I will still use trans people’s pronouns. I still want them to be safe.

But I’m done accommodating them at my expense. And if you’re a shithead to me, I don’t see a problem with putting your pronouns in quotes and referring to you as “males” instead of “AMABs” in a tumblr post that you’ll never see lmfao. It’s been so liberating to disrespect you (on a post you’ll never see) half as much as you disrespected me (to my face).

TRA’s have excluded AFAB women and trivialized their problems so much. Every single post about AFAB women is derailed (”whuttabout trans women???” “don’t you mean people with vaginas?????”). TRA’s suggest that there are no female-only experiences and sex-based oppression does not exist.

I’ve had many concerns with the Trans Rights Movement for years. But I’ve tried to understand. I wanted to actively support trans people. I didn’t want to merely use their preferred pronouns and tolerate them. I’ve followed TRA’s and read what they have to say...

But the Trans Rights Movement just,,, doesn’t,,,, make,,,,,, sense. This conversation sent me over the edge. I don’t care about understanding trans people anymore. If I can’t understand them in half a decade, I don’t think I ever will. Clearly, to these people, including trans “women” means excluding cis women. You’re trans-exclusionary if you talk about cis women’s experiences or issues. You’re trans-exclusionary if you say that trans “women” and cis women are different (unless it’s to say that trans “women” are superior/prettier or more oppressed).

🌸

Now that I don’t care about trans feelings anymore, I’m going to address the conversation from two weeks ago without sugar-coating anything.

Trans “women” will never have the same experiences as cis women.

I will not date a trans “woman” because I NEED someone who can understand the very specific trauma and physical pain of a female assault victim. I NEED my partner to be able to relate to being constantly berated and belittled in all forms of media— even when I try to relax or distract myself, I am constantly reminded that males hate me and think I’m a worthless incubator/dishwasher.

Two weeks ago, I was not concerned enough about the physical differences between trans “women” and cis women. But now, I think it’s a good time to discuss that, too.

It’s perfectly okay to not want to date a trans person because of their genitals.

Even after a trans “woman” has SRS, “her vagina” is NOT a female vagina. It is not self-cleaning. It has no muscles. It smells PUTRID. Neovaginas are repulsive, and they do NOT look like actual vaginas. A neovagina is the physical manifestation of a male’s soul: it’s a disgusting, smelly, functionless hole that is trying to emulate the natural divinity of a woman.

🌸

Now, I’d like to specifically address those two males:

Thank you guys for demonstrating my point that males can NEVER understand the female experience. :)

Thanks for proving that I’ll never be able to open up to males about my SA trauma. Males will always say that they have it worse and/or pretend that what happened to you has NOTHING to do with the fact that you have a vagina. If you’re vulnerable with them, they will stomp all over you. Males only care about themselves, even if they “identify” as women. :)

I would never be able to be in a relationship with someone that constantly belittles my feelings like this.

Also, to the trans “woman” who alleges “she’s” been ~“socialized as a woman”~ since the age of sixteen: no the fuck you haven’t. If you’d been socialized as female, you would be exceedingly nice to me, even if I spoke to YOU in the same way YOU spoke to ME. You would be super apologetic for stating your feelings and standing up for yourself. No matter how illogical you found my arguments, you’d still TRY to understand me because that’s the compassionate thing to do. If you were socialized as female, you’d put OTHERS’ feelings above your own.

But you haven’t been socialized as female. You’re just like every other MALE. You SPEAK OVER a female victim of sexual assault and pretend that YOU’RE more of an expert on HER OWN experiences than SHE is.

You tell women they’re not allowed to have boundaries or preferences. You have absolutely no compassion or humanity. You’re a MALE, AND you’re MALE-SOCIALIZED, and it fucking shows. You’re a disgusting, ignorant, unsympathetic brat that always needs to be coddled— just like every other male.

Also, yes, OP, all males have male privilege. Including trans “women.”

🌸

Two weeks ago, I had deluded myself into saying, “trans women are women.”

But the truth is, trans “women” are not women.

I’m attracted to women. I will never be attracted to a trans “woman.” I’m not sorry. It’s okay if other lesbians are attracted to trans “women,” but my lesbian identity does not include trans “women”. I don’t care if that’s politically incorrect. That’s MY sexuality.

I cannot change my sexuality, and I don’t want to. I love cis women. No male will ever be as strong, intelligent, poignant, or divine as a cis woman. A woman is born with all of these traits.

🌸

I’m certainly transphobic now-- that is quite evident. And I was also transphobic two weeks ago, even though I was trying to unlearn my transphobia. But nothing that I said to this person was transphobic. It’s literally fine to not want to date a trans person. A lesbian is not oppressing you by not wanting to date you lmfao. I openly admit that I am transphobic, but this is not the reason. I will not try to understand why my sexuality is “wrong.”

I’ve stayed out of TERF circles for years, even though TERF posts can be so informative, relatable, and comforting. Thanks to this experience, I’m gonna go ahead and follow whoever tf I want. I'm grateful that this interaction has caused me to start prioritizing my feelings and my rights.

Honestly, trans “women” deserve to be excluded. Males deserve to be excluded. Idgaf about how that makes you feel anymore. You don’t give a shit about how I feel. And you don’t feel guilty when you exclude real women.

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cornelisdemooij · 6 years ago

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Innuendo Studios Research Masterpost - With More Links

This is my research list for The Alt-Right Playbook. It is a living document - I am typically adding sources faster than I am finishing the ones already on it. Notes and links below the list. Also, please note this does not include the hundreds of articles and essays I’ve read that also inform the videos - this is books, reports, and a few documentaries. Legend: Titles in bold -> finished Titles in italics -> partially finished *** -> livetweeted as part of #IanLivetweetsHisResearch (asterisks will be a link) The book I am currently reading will be marked as such. Media Manipulation & Disinformation Online, by Alice Marwick and Rebecca Lewis Alternative Influence, by Rebecca Lewis The Authoritarians, by Bob Altemeyer*** Eclipse of Reason, by Max Horkheimer Civility in the Digital Age, by Andrea Weckerle The Origins of Totalitarianism, by Hannah Arendt On Revolution, by Hannah Arendt Don’t Think of an Elephant, by George Lakoff The Shock Doctrine, by Naomi Klein How Propaganda Works, by Jason Stanley*** This is an Uprising, by Mark and Paul Engler Neoreaction a Basilisk, by Elizabeth Sandifer (Patreon) This Nonviolent Stuff’ll Get You Killed, by Charles E. Cobb, Jr. Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me), by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson Healing from Hate, by Michael Kimmel The Brainwashing of my Dad, documentary by Jen Senko On Bullshit, by Harry Frankfurt The Reactionary Mind, by Corey Robin*** Stamped from the Beginning, Ibram X. Kendi Fascism Today, by Shane Burley Indoctrination over Objectivity?, by Marrissa S. Ballard Ur-Fascism, by Umberto Eco Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson Anti-Semite and Jew, by Jean-Paul Sartre Alt-America, by David Neiwert The Dictator’s Handbook, by Bruce Bueno de Mesquita & Alastair Smith Terror, Love, and Brainwashing, by Alexandra Stein <- (currently reading) Kaputt, by Curzio Malaparte The Motion of Light in Water, by Samuel R. Delany Media Manipulation & Disinformation Online, by Alice Marwick and Rebecca Lewis (free: link) A monstrously useful report from Data & Society which- coupled with Samuel R. Delany’s memoir The Motion of Light in Water - formed the backbone of the Mainstreaming video. I barely scratched the surface of how many techniques the Far Right uses to inflate their power and influence. If you feel lost in a sea of Alt-Right bullshit, this will at least help you understand how things got the way they are, and maybe help you discern truth from twaddle. The Authoritarians, by Bob Altemeyer (free: link) (livetweets) A free book full of research from Bob Altemeyer’s decades of study into authoritarianism. Altemeyer writes conversationally, even jovially, peppering what could have been a dense and dry work with dad jokes. I wouldn’t say he’s funny (most dads aren’t), but it makes the book blessedly accessible. If you ever wanted a ton of data demonstrating that authoritarianism is deeply correlated with conservatism, this is the book. One of the most useful resources I’ve consumed so far, heavily influencing the entire series but most directly the video on White Fascism. Even has some suggestions for how to actually change the mind of a reactionary, which is kind of the Holy Grail of LeftTube. (caveats: there is a point in the book where Altemeyer throws a little shade on George Lakoff, and I feel he slightly - though not egregiously - misrepresents Lakoff’s arguments) Don’t Think of an Elephant, by George Lakoff An extremely useful book about framing. Delves into the differences between the American Right and Left when it comes to messaging, how liberal politicians tend to have degrees in things like Political Science and Rhetoric, where conservatives far more often have degrees in Marketing. This leads to two different cultures, where liberals have Enlightenment-style beliefs that all you need is good ideas and conservatives know an idea will only be popular if you know how to sell it. He gets into the nuts and bolts of how to keep control of a narrative, because the truth is only effective if the audience recognizes it as such. Kind of staggering how many Democrats swear by this book while blatantly taking none of its advice. Lakoff has been all over the series since the first proper video. (caveats: several. Lakoff seemingly believes the main difference between the Right and Left is in our default frames, and that swaying conservatives amounts to little more than finding better ways to make the same arguments. he deeply underestimates the ideological divide between Parties, and some of his advice reads as tips for making debates more pleasant but no more productive. he also makes a passing comparison between conservatism and Islam that means well but is a gross and kinda racist false equivalence) How Propaganda Works, by Jason Stanley (livetweets) A slog. Many useful concepts, and directly referenced in the White Fascism video. But could have said everything it needed to say in half as many pages. Stanley seems dedicated to framing everything in epistemological terms, not appealing to morality or sentiment, which means huge sections of the book are given over to “proving” democracy is a good thing using only philosophical concepts, when “democracy good” is probably something his readership already accepts. Also has a frustrating tendency to begin every paragraph with a brief summary of the previous paragraph. When he actually talks about, you know, how propaganda works, it’s very useful, and I don’t regret reading it. But I don’t entirely recommend it. Seems written for an imagined PhD review board. Might be better off reading my livetweets. Neoreaction a Basilisk, by Elizabeth Sandifer (Patreon) A trip. Similar to Jason Stanley, Sandifer is dedicated to “disproving” a number of Far Right ideologies - from transphobia to libertarianism to The Singularity - in purely philosophical terms. The difference is, she’s having fun with it. I won’t pretend the title essay - a 140-page mammoth - didn’t lose me several times, and someone had to remind which of its many threads was the thesis. And some stretches are dense, academic writing punctuated with vulgarity and (actually quite clever) jokes, which doesn’t always average out to the playfully heady tone she’s going for. But, still, frequently brilliant and never less than interesting. There is something genuinely cathartic about a book that begins with the premise that we all fear but won’t let ourselves meaningfully consider - that we will lose the fight with the Right and climate change is going to kill us all - and talks about what we can do in that event. I felt I didn’t even have to agree with the premise to feel strangely empowered by it. Informed the White Fascism video’s comments on transphobia as the next frontier of bigotry since failing to prevent marriage equality. On Bullshit, by Harry Frankfurt Was surprised to find this isn’t properly a book, just a printed essay. Highly relevant passage that helped form my description of 4chan in The Card Says Moops: “What tends to go on in a bull session is that the participants try out various thoughts and attitudes in order to see how it feels to hear themselves saying such things and in order to discover how others respond, without its being assumed that they are committed to what they say: it is understood by everyone in a bull session that the statements people make do not necessarily reveal what they really believe or how they really feel. The main point is to make possible a high level of candor and an experimental or adventuresome approach to the subjects under discussion. Therefore provision is made for enjoying a certain irresponsibility, so that people will be encouraged to convey what is on their minds without too much anxiety that they will be held to it. [paragraph break] Each of the contributors to a bull session relies, in other words, upon a general recognition that what he expresses or says is not to be understood as being what he means wholeheartedly or believes unequivocally to be true. The purpose of the conversation is not to communicate beliefs.” The Reactionary Mind, by Corey Robin (livetweets) Another freakishly useful book, and the basis for Always a Bigger Fish and The Origins of Conservatism. Jumping into the history of conservative thought, going all the way back to Thomas Hobbes, to stress that conservatism is, and always has been, about preserving social hierarchies and defending the powerful. Robin dissects thinkers who heavily influenced conservatism, from Edmund Burke and Friedrich Nietzsche to Carl Menger and Ayn Rand, and finally concluding with Trump himself. There’s a lot of insight into how the conservative mind works, though precious little comment on what we can do about it, which somewhat robs the book of a conclusion. Still, the way it bounces off of Don’t Think of an Elephant and The Authoritarians really brings the Right into focus. Fascism Today, by Shane Burley Yet another influence on the White Fascism video. Bit of a mixed bag. The opening gives a proper definition of fascism, which is extremely useful. Then the main stretch delves into the landscape of modern fascism, from Alt-Right to Alt-Lite to neofolk pagans to the Proud Boys and on and on. Sometimes feels overly comprehensive, but insights abound on the intersections of all these belief systems (Burley pointing out that the Alt-Right is, in essence, the gentrification of working-class white nationalists like neo-Nazi skinheads and the KKK was a real eye-opener). But the full title is Fascism Today: What it is and How to End it, and it feels lacking in the second part. Final stretch mostly lists a bunch of efforts to address fascism that already exist, how they’ve historically been effective, and suggestions for getting involved. Precious few new ideas there. And maybe the truth is that we already have all the tools we need to fight fascism and we simply need to employ them, and being told so is just narratively unsatisfying. Or maybe it’s a structural problem with the book, that it doesn’t reveal a core to fascism the way Altemeyer reveals a core to authoritarianism and Robin reveals a core to conservatism, so I don’t come away feeling like I get fascism well enough to fight it. But, also, Burley makes it clear that modern fascism is a rapidly evolving virus, and being told that old ways are still the best ways isn’t very satisfying. If antifascism isn’t evolving at least as rapidly, it doesn’t seem like we’re going to win. (caveats: myriad. For one, Burley repeatedly quotes Angela Nagle’s Kill All Normies, which does not inspire confidence. He also talks about “doxxing fascists” as a viable strategy without going into the differences between “linking a name to a face at a public event” and “hacking someone’s email to publicly reveal their bank information,” where the former is the strategy that fights fascism and the latter is vigilantism that is practiced widely on the Right and only by the worst actors on the Left. Finally, the one section where Burley discusses an area I had already thoroughly researched was GamerGate, and he got quite a few facts wrong, which makes me question how accurate all the parts I hadn’t researched were. I don’t want to drive anyone away from the book, because it was still quite useful, but I recommend reading it only in concert with a lot of other sources so you don’t get a skewed perspective.) Healing from Hate, by Michael Kimmel (Michael Kimmel, it turns out, is a scumbag. This book’s main thesis is that we need to look at violent extremism through the lens of toxic masculinity, so Kimmel’s toxic history with women is massively disappointing. Book itself is, in many ways, good, but, you know, retweets are not endorsement.) A 4-part examination of how men get into violent extremism through the lens of the organizations that help them get out: EXIT in Germany and Sweden, Life After Hate in the US, and The Quilliam Foundation in Europe and North America. Emphasizing that entry into white nationalism - and, to an extent, jihadism - is less ideological than social. Young men enter these movements out of a need for community, purpose, and a place to put their anger. They feel displaced and mistreated by society - and often, very tangibly, are - and extremism offers a way to prove their manhood. Feelings of emasculation is a major theme. The actual politics of extremism are adopted gradually. They are, in a sense, the price of admission for the community and the sense of purpose. The most successful exit strategies are those that address these feelings of loneliness and emasculation and build social networks outside the movement, and not ones that address ideology first - the ideology tends to wither with the change in environment. The book itself can be a bit repetitive, but these observations are very enlightening. (caveats: the final chapter on militant Islam is deeply flawed. Kimmel clearly didn’t get as much access to Qulliam as he had to EXIT and Life After Hate, so his data is based far less on direct interviews with counselors and former extremists and much more on other people’s research. despite the chapter stressing that a major source of Muslim alienation is racism, Kimmel focuses uncomfortably much on white voices - the majority of researchers he quotes are white Westerners, and the few interviews he manages are mostly with white converts to Islam rather than Arabs or South Asians. all in all, the research feels thinner, and his claims about militant Islam seem much more conjectural when they don’t read as echos of other people’s opinions.)

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hufflepuff-ravenclaw-reviews · 6 years ago

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Proven Innocent Season 1 Episode 8

Trigger warning: This issue deals with trans issues, transphobia, and homophobia, as well as historical GLBT+ issues.

We kick this episode off with Madeline and Bodie walking down a street in the gay district. Bodie calls out to tell a couple of drag queens that they look fabulous, and they instantly recognize Madeline. She's apparently some sort of GLBT+ icon in the community, and when she was released from jail, they all had a party in her honor.

Madeline asks for directions from them, and Madeline and Bodie continue on to their destination... after Madeline stops to take a selfie with them.

They go to a law firm, where a man tells them about his trans client who was convicted of having killed another trans woman in the 80's. The jail doesn't want to provide her with hormone treatments anymore, and during the fight to get that back for her, the lawyer discovered that the amount of hormones in the blood found at the crime scene (that had originally put her in jail) didn't match from somebody who'd been on treatments for the past decade.

Easy and Madeline go talk to the lady in prison, but she doesn't exactly want to get out. She says that all of her friends and family are dead now. She then states a statistic that 40% of the trans community ends up dead by either violence or suicide, which is the highest out of any community out there. (And nobody would sit back and let this happen if it was literally any other group.) She only just wants her medications.

Meanwhile, Violet has her own subplot this episode. She brings over some podcast host from some other podcast, and they talk about making podcasts. He's actually a big fan of her podcast. After doing the recording, he invites her to dinner.

She goes thinking that it's a date, but it turns out that it's a job offer instead. He wants her to do this big new podcast... but it would be a full-time job, and she'd need to move to New York. He urges her to think about it.

He comes back to her at the end of the episode, but she says that she's already living her dream working for the law firm in Chicago. She might not actually be a laywer, but she's one of the people who helps find the important information that brings the actual criminals to justice and frees the wrongfully convicted. He kind of implies that she's making a mistake and leaves. Bodie then comes in to cheer her up, and says that she wouldn't have Bodie in New York. (And I'm not sure if I ship this or not?)

And now for the Bellow's/Levi/Isabel subplot: Bellows contemplates the new campaign signs that were printed up. The one with him standing before Lady Liberty gets him and his new campaign manager talking about Madeline Scott. And oh my god, why is everybody so fucking obsessed with Madeline? The manager implies that Bellows should look for new evidence in the Scott case that would put Madeline away for good, so that she'd stop being a thorn in his side.

He later calls Isabel into his office and asks what she's learned about Levi. She admits that Levi kind of keeps to himself in meetings, but she'll see what she can do about getting more information from him.

Later, she's crying in the empty meeting room when Levi comes in. He obviously asks her what's wrong, and she spins some sob story about how everything just feels so... sad. He offers to make her less sad. Which ends up with them at a bar. Isabel goes out of her way to get him drunk, and he eventually tells her something that he probably shouldn't have: that before Rosemary's body was found, but everybody was looking for her, Madeline just kind of stood there and did nothing. He described her as acting “stoned”.

Isabel obviously reports this to Bellows. Bellows is pleased with this information, because it implies that Madeline might have been the one to actually have killed Rosemary. (The previous theory was that Levi had killed Rosemary while Madeline helped her brother during or after the fact.) Although, at the same time... just because he has a new theory doesn't mean that this is enough evidence to reopen the actual case. Furthermore, Madeline's complete lack of action does not make her guilty. (This is going back to a previous episode about 911 tapes; you sound too hysterical and the jury hates you. You don't sound emotional enough and the jury hates you.)

This'll probably be relevant in future episodes, but this is the Bellow's subplot for now.

Anyway, back to the main case. Easy and Madeline talk about their latest client, and the fact that she's refusing their legal help. And it's not that they think that she's innocent... it's just that they can't do anything unless she gives them the okay. Madeline eventually says that they need to give their client hope. But they need to do a bit more digging into this, too.

They go to a gay bar that was open back when the murder took place, and the bar tender happened to have known both ladies. He talks briefly about the exclusion from safe places that the GLBT+ crowd faced from the 80s and earlier, and insists that the bar was inclusive towards everybody, even trans people. (It wasn't usually the case back then, unfortunately.) He goes on to say that a lot of openly trans/cross-dressing people would be picked up by the police simply because they looked like they were prostitutes. As you might imagine, this happened a lot to the victim. However, he also mentions that the victim was attacked on a couple different times by various closeted men who wanted to be with her. So there's another possible story of what happened right there.

They go back to speak with their client. Madeline gives her usual grand speech about wanting to help people like she herself was helped out of jail. The client agrees that she'd like to be out of jail.

They go to court to have the verdict put aside because of the new evidence about the client's blood. However, since the blood sample is long gone by now, the judge denies this, but lets them have the records from the original case. Which the judge points out was likely Madeline's plan all along.

However, rather than to just give them their client's case work, they give like all of the case work. From like that year. But this leads them to discover that another trans woman was arrested at the same time and place and by the same officer as their client.

Bodie is able to track this woman down to being the current owner of a drag queen bar. So they all go there, where we're subjected to a queen putting on a show for an ungodly amount of time. (And I'm not saying that she wasn't great, but let's get back to the actual plot now, shall we? Time and place, man. Time and place.)

They find the owner, and the lady who was also arrested at the same time. She says that a lot of “non-passing” trans folk couldn't get jobs in the clubs, so they often had to turn to the streets to make a living. The victim had a lot of sugar daddies, and had just broken up with one a short time before her murder. She gives them the guy's name.

As they're leaving the area, Bodie is wearing a rainbow feather boa and loudly singing with Violet. (And to be fair, some of the things he does kind of makes him a little bit odd to begin with.) Some guys drive by, and attack Bodie. The police show up, but it's painfully obvious that they don't give a flying shit about anything that happens in this neighborhood... if you catch my drift. Easy is angry because the police are refusing to do literally anything, and then they get angry with HIM just for trying to stand up for Bodie.

Madeline first tries calling the guy at his work, but he quickly tells her not to contact him again about that, and hangs up. She and Easy then go down to his office to talk to him. He's angry and upset over the entire thing, and is also worried about being outed. Especially to his children and grandchildren. He tells them that his wife died of cancer two years earlier. (This is mildly important for later.) He eventually tells them that he was in New York the night of her murder, and that he was the one who'd done the breaking up with, not the other way around. Easy seems to think that he's lying.

However, the guy sends his credit card statements from nearly 40 years ago, and it proves that he did buy a plane ticket. But there's a window of opportunity where he could have killed the victim and still gotten onto the plane. But then they also notice a hospital bill from two days after the murder... he could have hurt himself when he'd killed the victim, and then went to the hospital when his wound didn't heal.

And finally... Bodie then provides old newspaper articles from the gay bartender which directly contradicts his earlier statements about his bar being 100% inclusive to EVERYBODY in the GLBT+ community. So he's also now a suspect.

When the judge refuses to give them a warrant to look at the medical records, they instead go talk to the bar owner instead. He gives some awfully shitty excuse of “that's just how things were back then. We didn't want to be under the suspicion from the police.” Although he did have a friendly relationship with the victim, (the kids these days would call them “Frenemies”), but said that she was his “sister in arms”, and that he would never kill her. Easy believes the guy, which puts them back at needing to look at the sugar daddy's medical records. Violet then offers up an idea, but refuses to tell them since it's less than legal. Madeline and Easy pretend like they didn't hear her say that and leave.

Violet then goes to the hospital in question with a warrant, but says that it's for John Smith, but the warrant is actually for Jane Doe. She then bribes the clerk with coffee and a doughnut in exchange for him getting the records. But by mistake, he brings out the guy's wife's medical records, since they had the same first initial. Buuuuttt...

They all go back to court, where Madeline questions the sugar daddy. He refuses to talk about his relationship with the victim. Madeline asks what blood type he is, but it's not the same that's found at the scene. However, Madeline asks what blood type his wife had, but he honestly didn't know. It's the same as that found at the scene.

Madeline prompts him if his wife killed the victim. He eventually answers that he came back from New York to find his wife covered in the victim's blood. She'd found out about her husband's affair, somehow or another tracked the poor lady down, and attacked her.

With this new information, the judge instantly says that the client is free to go, because she's innocent.

Sometime later, Madeline visits her former flame in prison. They make out for a while, which is only possible because the girlfriend does things to keep the guards off her back. However, she mentions that there's a good chance she could be paroled soon. Madeline is obviously happy for her, but the girlfriend, not so much. She asks Madeline if Madeline could really see them being together on the outside, doing normal couple stuff like going home for family dinners and hanging out with Madeline's friends. Madeline says yes, but the girlfriend is still apprehensive.

Later, everybody gathers at the gay bar to celebrate the client's freedom. However, she mainly just sits at the bar and looks at the wall of historical GLBT+ photos... especially the one of the victim, her friend. The bartender tells her that everything is going to be okay.

Madeline steps outside to call her mom. She then says that she's bisexual and that she's dating a girl. The mother hesitates for a moment, before asking when Madeline is going to bring her around to meet the family. Madeline then drops an even bigger bombshell and says that her girlfriend is in prison. Which is way more upsetting, for some reason. (Ah yes, the shitty parents who like to desperate pretend like their children weren't in jail for 10 years...)

The episode ends with a short montage of footage of GLBT+ protests, both past and present.

#PROVEN INNOCENT #The Ravenclaw mod

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atreefullofstars · 7 years ago

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Hey there, @rebelbaze! It sure seems like you have a lot to say! Any particular reason you’ve decided to say it in replies which can’t be easily answered?

Point for point:

“Cishet aces are, in fact, straight.” Some aces may in some senses be straight. They can certainly identify that way. But I very clearly specified “Straight in the sense of being accepted as such by Straight people and benefiting fully from the associated privilege.” Which they don’t. “Cishet aces are just as oppressive as straight non-aces.” Sure, aces can participate in oppression, in the same way that cis lesbians can sometimes participate in the oppression of straight trans men and vice versa. This is not the same thing as having straight privilege.

“Aces are not oppressed.” You already know they are, you addressed it right after this statement, but just to review: dehumanization, corrective rape, pathologization, off the top of my head, I seem to also recall seeing stats about job discrimination or similar but I can’t recall the specifics. “Their oppression has nothing to do with the... LGBT community.” Fun fact, historically speaking women who wanted to have sex with other women and women who didn’t want to have sex at all were lumped together on the basis of not wanting to have sex with men. Much of lesbian history is ace woman history. They’ve always been here, they’ve always been queer. “Queer is a slur.” Learn you some community history, this has been addressed at length by the people who were there and I can’t do it justice.

“This is about are you affected by homophobia or transphobia.” Given that it used to only be about “do you experience homophobia targeted at men specifically” and then it was “do you experience homophobia” and then it was “do you experience homophobia or transphobia” and then “do you experience homophobia or transphobia (and I suppose bisexuals do experience homohobia after all so them too),” I think we can scooch over a bit to accommodate aphobia too, which as I stated in my original post, shares a significant amount of overlap with the two you named. Also, going to underscore again that your position is based on ahistorical bullshit.

“BUT MUH RESOURCES!!!” Sigh. Tell ya what. Please direct me to any group or organization which provides quantifiable resources to the community, which are in any way limited/consumable, and cites overprivileged entitled aces gobbling up their services as a reason the worthy community members aren’t getting help they need. Go ahead. I’ll wait. Or was that just a fearmongering line of bull you feed to the gullible?

“Stop fucking over LGBT aces who want a community away from cishet aces.” Wow, what world do you live in where the ENTIRE community excludes the slightly-privileged to protect the underprivileged? Because as a woman I sure haven’t seen men excluded, I’m sure the POC in the community have some thoughts on the white members, and I hope we can agree the trans people in the community have the short end of the privilege stick but do you see them trying to kick cis LGB individuals out of the community? There are a few small exclusive spaces and intracommunity discussions which are separate but included like chocolate chips in the LGBTQIA+ community cookie, but apart from those, we tend to be pretty inclusive of many levels and types of privilege. And if you want an exclusive community away from some kind of person who bothers you, you can carve out a space just like those without kicking anyone out of the community as a whole. Also by your logic the LGBT aces should want the community to exclude het trans individuals on the basis of straightness, but apparently that’s somehow not an issue, for some mysterious reason.

tl;dr: Aces are part of the community, no exceptions, no caveats, no conditions, we want them all.

#ace discourse #rebelbaze #lgbtqia+#don't reply to my posts if you're going to do the equivalent of shout into the phone and then hang up

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cassolotl · 8 years ago

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Gender and sex are [not] different

Content note: Article refers to transphobia, TERFs, sex essentialism.

I have recently seen nonbinary people, even high-profile nonbinary people like Asia Kate Dillon, saying that gender and sex are different. This is bothering me a lot, for reasons I’ve struggled to articulate, but I’m gonna try anyway damnit.

Disclaimer: This is just the way I see things. I’ll back up my assertions where I can, but please do understand that I am the internet equivalent of some dude you met in the pub last week.

AN OVERVIEW / SOME CONTEXT

Sex and gender are both social constructs, which basically means they’re ideas that humans created. A penis is just a penis, but only a human would say that a penis (or a person with a penis) is inherently male.

The definitions of sex and gender are broadly agreed to be subtly different: sex is purely anatomical, whereas gender is an experience, a combination of physical, behavioural and psychological things that no one is really able to pin down.

I live in the UK, and here there is no legal difference between sex and gender.

The “sex” marker on your birth certificate can be changed with a gender recognition certificate (hormones and surgery not compulsory), and birth certificates are not connected to medical records at all. Getting that sex marker changed is very difficult and expensive.

You can legally have a different gender or sex marker on all your state-issued IDs and at most it’ll cause some bureaucratic confusion.

You can put any title on any record and some people will probably frown at you if you put Mrs if you’re an unmarried person but those people are legally speaking in the wrong.

Basically anything is legal as long as you’re not doing it to deceive or commit fraud, and the Gender Recognition Panel is way outdated and about to be dismantled anyway.

To put it another way, what the UK calls “legal sex” is actually just legal gender, misnamed. Even the sex marker on medical records is a gender marker misnamed.

To add to the confusion, linguistically speaking sex and gender are generally described in the same way - because until very recently, English-speakers have largely been unable to change their bodies and therefore unable to change the way the world treats them. Words like “female” can describe someone’s body and/or someone’s gender, while also describing the reproductive capacity of non-human lifeforms, the shape of the connecting end of a computer cable...

Because of the body/mind distinction, people who say that only we can define our genders will often comfortably say that sex can be objectively determined by an educated professional.

Doctors generally agree that sex is defined by:

the number and type of sex chromosomes;

the type of gonads—ovaries or testicles;

the sex hormones;

the internal reproductive anatomy (such as the uterus in females); and

the external genitalia.

Since finding out someone’s sex chromosomes takes months and is very expensive and largely unnecessary for most people, unless your doctor has found a pressing reason to test your chromosomes (such as signs that you may be intersex and it may affect your physical health in some way), you do not know your own sex. Yes, you. You have, at least, a (probably but not necessarily accurate) guess based on the information you have unequivocal access to: external genitalia.

This blog post assumes that misgendering people is harmful. It may not harm everyone, but it harms enough people that it’s a good idea to behave in a way that prevents that harm.

SEX AND GENDER ARE THE SAME

1: Sex --> gender

The idea that gender is defined by sex is an obvious wrong thing, so it seems like a good place to start. That’s the idea that your gender comes from your body. If you were born with a penis and testicles, you are a man, whether you like it or not.

Who does it: Some people (eg: TERFs) say that hormones and surgery simply “mask” your “true” sex/gender, and you can’t change your chromosomes or the way you were born. Some people (eg: some outdated gender recognition systems) say that your body must be changed in order to change your gender.

Why it’s harmful: It sucks for trans people. Either you can never be correctly gendered by other people, even when you pass, or you can only be correctly gendered by other people once someone has inspected your genitals or judged your facial hair or whatever.

What to do instead: Don’t say that gender is irrevocably tied to one’s body. Support the idea that people know themselves better than anyone else can, and trust them when they tell you what their gender is.

2: Gender --> sex

Who does it: If you’re on Tumblr you’ve probably read blog posts that say things like “I am female, therefore my penis is female.” A lot of us feel this way about our own bodies, and taking ownership of the language used to describe your body is a very positive thing. In the UK it’s supported by the medical system, which lets you change the gender/sex marker on your medical records just by asking the receptionist.

Why it’s harmful: It’s not - unless you start to impose it on others. It’s not universal. Some of us strongly feel and identify with the sex of the body; for example, Asia Kate Dillon is nonbinary but strongly identifies their body as female.

And then there’s Big Freedia, who says she’s a man because she has a man’s body. Her name and pronouns and presentation, everything that we use as gender cues, are decidedly feminine - but she is very open about her body being male.

What to do instead: Don’t assume stuff about people’s bodies or the language they use to talk about their bodies based on their gender, pronouns, presentation, etc. Don’t say that in general, for example, a body is female if it belongs to a woman. Respect everyone’s right to bodily privacy. Support the idea that people know themselves better than anyone else can, and trust them when they tell you what their sex is. But like, don’t ask, okay? Don’t even hint. It is none of your business.

SEX AND GENDER ARE UNCONNECTED

This is the one that’s been bugging me lately.

Who does it: I’ve seen nonbinary people go out of their way to correct people who equate gender and sex (or man and male, woman and female), and in doing so they state that sex and gender are never connected.

And it’s understandable! The idea that someone can be born in the wrong body has been central to the campaign of visibility and understanding aimed at cisgender people for quite a long time now. It counters the idea above, that sex defines gender, that has been socially prevalent for basically all of living ciscentric memory. A lot of us probably learned about what being transgender is by hearing the idea that your mind can be one gender while your body is another, and said, “damn, that could explain a lot for me.”

Asia Kate Dillon takes this to an extreme. I mentioned above that their gender is nonbinary and their sex is female, but they have also stated that sex and gender are entirely unconnected, for everyone. They insist that male and female are words used to describe sex only, and that it harms them when trans women call themselves female. They said that sex is defined by those five characteristics I listed in the overview, and if any of those characteristics doesn’t match the others then your body stops being male or female at all; a person who’s had a hysterectomy can no longer be called female in terms of sex.

Why it’s harmful: When people say to a trans person, “well you might be a man but your body is not male,” they are implying that someone’s biology would be relevant to anyone but themself, the people they may be physically intimate with, and maybe their doctor. On this level alone it’s personally very intrusive, in a way that no cis person would have to tolerate.

On a practical level, it allows people to exclude trans people from gendered spaces in which they belong on the basis of aspects of their body that may never even be visible, because their body is somehow more relevant (to gendered spaces like toilets and changing rooms) than who they are, and cis people can’t possibly cope.

There are two common excuses for excluding trans people from these spaces.

Random cisgender humans will accidentally see a weird body and be needlessly alarmed or frightened. (Frankly, not our problem?)

Some people are incurably violent or harmful because of their bodies; even someone seeing their bodies may cause harm. (That’s, at very generous best, insulting. In reality, if you are perceived as a serious threat when you walk into a room you become a target.)

What to do instead: Don’t make sweeping statements like “trans people were born in the wrong body” or “gender and sex are different and unrelated.” Support and respect people when they tell you about their own experiences of their body and gender. Encourage cisgender people to take responsibility for their emotional issues, improve and increase resources for victims of sexual violence, advocate for partially gender-neutralising spaces, and welcome trans people into gendered spaces where possible - and it almost always is possible.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS

Always respect people’s right to bodily privacy. Always.

If you feel like your sex is defined by your gender then great but it’s not true for every trans and/or nonbinary person. Similarly, if you feel that your gender and sex are independent of each other then that’s fine but don’t impose that on other people.

Barring unusual phobias, there is no need to ever consider the impact of someone’s sex on you personally. Unless you’re a doctor or you’re about to have sex or something.

In reality, there is a relationship between one’s body and one’s gender for a lot of people, otherwise gender dysphoria wouldn’t be a thing. What the connection is we may never fully understand, but that doesn’t matter. There is a connection for many people and it feels different for everyone, and that needs to be acknowledged and respected. At the same time, for many people there is no apparent connection between their gender and their body, but that doesn’t mean there can’t be one or that deep down everyone else is just wrong about themselves.

Gender and sex are complex individually, and their relationship to each other is complex too. Trying to logic it and sort it into boxes and make a flow chart of it just isn’t going to work. We can stop trying to teach each other, and start supporting each other instead.

#original posts #my words #gender #trans #nonbinary

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wealthbronze59-blog · 6 years ago

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The LARB Ball NBA Roundtable

NOVEMBER 1, 2018

With the NBA season in full swing, I reached out to Theresa Runstedtler (Associate Professor of History at American University) and Yago Colás (Professor of English at Oberlin College), sports scholars with expertise (and books in progress) about the pro game, to discuss the state of the league today and its history. Moving between on- and off-court issues, and from the 1970s to our expectations for the new season, the conversation takes up topics including LeBron’s move west, NBA vs. NFL politics, race and power, the basketball version of “moneyball,” the league’s embrace of gambling, and the past and future of business-minded player-celebrities. How long can Golden State’s stranglehold on the league last? Will big data analytics sap the game of its pleasing uncertainty? Can a new generation of players, coaches, and owners steer the league to a more politically progressive place? And for those interested as much in reading about the sport as watching the games, stick around to the end for book recommendations. Enjoy! – BRJ

Brian Jacobson: Let’s start broadly: what story lines—on or off the court—most interest you as the NBA season kicks off?

Theresa Runstedtler: I’m interested to see what happens as LeBron James makes his transition from the Cavaliers to the Lakers. Will he continue to be vilified for his lack of loyalty and individual career ambitions? I’m also interested to see what happens with Vince Carter’s year with the Hawks. I was part of the Raptors organization during his first season in 1998. To hear him talked about as the “old guy” at 41 years of age is amusing to me (and tells me I’m getting old too). I guess even though I haven’t lived in Toronto for 17 years, I’m still a Raptors fan at heart. I’m curious to see whether the addition of Kawhi Leonard will improve or hurt the team’s chemistry on the court. #WetheNorth

Yago Colás: I share Theresa’s interest in LeBron’s move to the West, but for slightly different reasons. I’ve lived half an hour from Cleveland for the last seven years, and my sense is that, at least in this region, fans wish LeBron well. They are grateful for the 2016 championship, and recognize all he does (and will surely continue to do) for the area. As the mother of one of the youngsters participating in the LeBron James Family Foundation educational initiative told Howard Bryant on the radio program Only a Game, “I don’t care where he works.”

I am interested, however, to see how LeBron responds to his changed competitive circumstances. He now has a young team around him and will be facing the much deeper Western Conference. Will the Lakers make the playoffs? If they struggle early (they are 2-3 as I write), will they add a superstar? What will Kobe’s legendary legion of insane fans do to LeBron if LA is horrible? On the other hand, if they do make the playoffs, how deep a run can they make? And, as a massive LeBron fan, OH MY GOD, what if they beat the Thunder, Rockets and Warriors to get to the finals and then beat the Celtics or the Raptors?!! LeBron will have become, as Obi Wan once said, “more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

The other interesting story emerging from LeBron’s move to the Lakers is what will happen in the East now that the roadblock to the Finals named LeBron James has been removed. Toronto or Boston should be ready to come out of the East, but will they? Will the young Sixers continue their ascent? As I write, Toronto is undefeated (congrats Theresa!), but the other unbeaten teams in the East are Milwaukee and Detroit! Of course, it’s early, but with so many exciting and talented young players distributed on different teams, I think the Eastern conference could be very exciting.

A week or so into the season, the one league-wide trend that has caught my eye is the marked uptick in both scoring and pace (meaning: possessions per game) this season. Though it’s early in the season, both figures are on pace to easily set historic high marks and observers have attributed this to the convergence of a number of factors, one of which is NBA officials calling defensive fouls away from the ball more closely, which obviously works to the offense’s advantage, especially given the penchant in today’s NBA for Warriors-esque action away from the ball. It’ll be interesting to see if this early offensive explosion prompts any effective defensive adjustments, provokes any kind of backlash among fans and, if so, any kind of adjustments from the League.

Finally, at a personal level, I’m always interested to see how my former University of Michigan students fare as they adjust to the demands of pro ball. As the season opened, former students of mine were playing for Brooklyn (Caris LeVert), the Knicks (Trey Burke and Tim Hardaway, Jr.), the Pistons (Glenn Robinson III), the Trailblazers (Nik Stauskas), and the Lakers (Moe Wagner). Having gotten to know these hard-working players when they were just 18 year old freshman with big NBA dreams, I’m happy to see that they have all stuck with it and are beginning, each in their own way, to make a mark.

BRJ: I too am interested in Lebron’s move and how a single player can shape so many storylines. Here in Boston, where I spend part of my time, the Celtics still appear to be built for long-term success, but the reintegration of Kyrie Irving and Gordon Hayward hasn’t been as seamless as fans might have hoped. Will that allow Toronto, finally, to get to the finals (and perhaps even keep Kawhi from packing his bags for LA next summer)? Or will this be the year the 76ers move from process to product? (*paging Markelle Fultz’s jump shot*)

I guess we’d be remiss if we didn’t also mention the Jimmy Butler situation (fiasco?) in Minnesota, which represents fairly well, I think, the internal and individual tensions—among players, coaches, and management—that PR-minded teams and agents usually do so well to keep out of the spotlight—but that sports journalists, when given the opportunity, just can’t seem to get enough of.

But in the interest of other stories, I want to shift directions now to talk about the politics of the NBA, especially in comparison to the NFL, which was covered in the column last month. The NFL, and especially its owners and commissioner, have (rightly, I think) been denounced for their conservative politics and failure to respond to Donald Trump’s comments about and implicit threats against players kneeling during the anthem. In contrast, some critics see the NBA as a progressive league, with younger, more liberal owners and both players and coaches who have spoken out against Trump, racial injustice, and other political issues without receiving the kind of backlash as Colin Kaepernick or Eric Reid. Is this a fair contrast? If so, how do we account for the NBA’s comparative progressive politics—or at least the impression of it?

TR: When I tell people I’m working on a project about race and professional basketball in the 1970s, they often take the opportunity to tell me that the NBA is “so much more progressive” than any other professional sports league. I think that there is some truth to this statement when you compare the NBA to the NFL. However, something about this idea that the NBA is racially progressive doesn’t sit well with me–and it doesn’t really hold water when I look at the demonization and disciplining of both black players and black style over the decades. I think that if the NBA is progressive at all, it is because they have to be. In other words, since the 1970s the majority of the players have been black, and the NBPA has had many black leaders. The global audience of basketball has become increasingly multicultural and multiracial. It is not good business to be overtly racist. That said, the NBA has been very clever about how to depoliticize and aestheticize blackness for the sake of profitability, while also containing and managing its mix of danger and respectability for its corporate partners and white fans.

YC: I absolutely agree with Theresa’s more sober view of the NBA’s much-celebrated political progressiveness. Sure, it looks great compared to the NFL, but that’s not saying much. The NBA’s racial containment strategies (e.g. the dress code), especially under former commissioner David Stern, from the late 70s through the 2000s were real and must be kept in mind. (Readers might be interested in Todd Boyd’s Young, Black, Rich & Famous, David Leonard’s After Artest and Jeffrey Lane’s Under the Boards for accounts of these dynamics.)

At the same time, I wouldn’t underestimate the power of NBA players. The NBA is a much smaller league than the NFL, and one in which individual stars have a much greater impact (not just on competitive outcomes, but on financial outcomes, and on the culture surrounding the league). I sense that over the past eight years, the players have begun to experiment with exercising the power they have. Some of these experiments have involved internal power differentials within the league (like LeBron, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh “usurping” team formation powers that had always resided with GM’s and owners) or the NBPA resisting the use of biometric devices in game play, others have involved the manifestations of racism within the NBA (the Chris Paul-led reaction to the Donald Sterling case in 2015), and of course many have involved players acting or speaking out against police lethality against black men, transphobia, Donald Trump, or just racism more generally.

I also think it’s important to note that 1) there is nothing politically retrograde in the NBA that is not also to be found in American society and 2) I’m wary of the general expectation that professional athletes have some sort of unique responsibility, different than any of the rest of us, to make the world more free and more just.

BRJ: As your answers make clear, even if the NBA is comparatively more progressive than the NFL today—which, as Yago says, is hardly a rousing endorsement—no doubt it remains an institution with a history of racism and front offices dominated by just as many white men as the NFL. Last year, Draymond Green accused one of these men, New York Knicks owner James Dolan, of having a “slave master mentality.” Meanwhile, a recent investigation into sexual harassment by former Dallas Mavericks president and CEO Terdema Ussery revealed “a corporate culture rife with misogyny and predatory sexual behavior,” followed just weeks ago by another report about sexual harassment by a Mavericks team photographer. What do these kinds of reports tell us about the league’s progressive claims?

TR: These incidents are hardly surprising to me. Racism and sexism are very much alive and well in professional basketball. All we need to do is look at someone like the LA Clippers’ former owner Donald Sterling to see that team owners (behind closed doors) still view their majority-black players as mere pawns (if not property) who are there to earn them money. Also, I was a dancer for the Toronto Raptors back in the late 1990s and can attest that aspects of toxic masculinity pervaded the league from bottom to top. That said, I don’t think there is anything exceptional about the NBA in this regard. Big-time sports leagues are all complicit in the production of anti-blackness and toxic masculinity. At the same time, they also reflect and reinforce the racism and sexism of society at large.

YC: Of course, I agree. But what do we mean by “the League” when we talk about its politics. Are we talking about the Commissioner? The various owners? The legal corporation? The players? The superstar players? The NBPA? I think we get different answers depending on who we are talking about. And, as I say, for me personally the most interesting political phenomenon over the past decade has been the increasing autonomy players are showing. I’m very curious to see what the immediate and long-term effects of this will be.

The work I did to write Ball Don’t Lie! taught me that the whatever the League administrators and owners and their corporate partners, and even some more conservative fans may want, the players make the game and it is a game that is at its most essential level on the court about getting free. I wouldn’t underestimate the cultural and political power of a group of young wealth, influential black men with a strong sense of shared interests and collective responsibility who have spent most of their lives dedicated to the embodied practice of getting free.

BRJ: It has become a common refrain that the NBA is a year-round league, with fans just as, if not more, interested in what’s happening off the court as on it—whether in free agency or the constant rumor mill about which player wants to play on which team, not to mention off-court politics and the players’ various entanglements in non-sports work. For those who love the game itself, this might seem like a sad state of affairs, but it also brings into focus something critics of course know: that the game itself is just the beginning. My question is this: is there actually anything new about the “year-round” nature of the league, or are we just more attentive to what happens beyond the games? If it is different, what has prompted the change?

TR: I don’t think there is anything particularly new about year-round reporting on the NBA and its players; however, the volume of reporting has definitely increased. I think there are a number of reasons for the uptick in coverage. Firstly, before the advent of the ABA and the players’ victory in removing the option clause as a condition of the ABA-NBA merger in 1976, there simply wasn’t as much player movement to report. (The option clause meant that a team retained the rights to a player even after the expiration of his contract. Thus, the team had full control over when a player could be re-signed, traded, or released.) Free agency has added another storyline to the sports news cycle. Since the expansion of professional basketball in the 1970s, publications have reported on players’ non-sports work—particularly the charitable, mentorship kind—because the league wanted to improve its public image. On the flipside, the press also has covered basketball players’ misdeeds, crimes, etc.—especially those of black players. However, changes to the media industry landscape have ramped up this coverage. With the move to a segmented marketplace of growing numbers of niche publications/networks, on both traditional and internet media, there is now a constant demand for more and more content. I suppose this kind of coverage might be dismaying to basketball “purists,” but it has long been part of the game.

YC: I agree with everything Theresa has said here: it’s not new, though factors like free agency and transformations in the mediascape around the game have definitely fueled an expansion in the volume of coverage and interest around both off-court and off-season happenings. My own current research (see below) is on the effect of quantification and big data analytics on the sport (i.e. the hoops version of “moneyball”) and I’ve found that this issue of year-round coverage is one of the areas of the sport’s culture impacted by the phenomenon. As in other areas of American society, big data analytics in the NBA has the explicit aim of maximizing competitive and financial efficiency. I suspect that fans and journalists know a great deal more about the financial side of the sport than they previously did and that, together with the player assessment data available to fans through the media today, it’s easier to generate (and publish) opinions about off-seasons transactions.

BRJ: It seems to me that part of the reason the league garners so much coverage beyond the games has to do with the celebrity power of today’s NBA stars, and probably no more so than LeBron. This summer, his foundation launched the “I Promise” school in Akron. Meanwhile, as many journalists have noted, his move to Los Angeles to join the Lakers seems to have as much to do with media production ambitions and life after basketball as NBA ambitions. And of course LeBron isn’t alone: we could say something similar about Kevin Durant’s move to Golden State and his ties with the Bay area startup scene, or about Russell Westbrook’s turns through the fashion world, or about Dwayne Wade’s wine business. What can we expect of the new NBA celebrities who have their sights set on personal brands and long-term non-basketball franchises? NBA players have long been spokesmen and some have gone into politics. Is the new generation—with its enormous salaries and business acumen—any different?

TR: I think the scale of their wealth and fame is certainly different. However, I was doing some reading in a 1970s-era publication called Black Sports a couple of weeks ago, which suggests that this idea of player-businessman is not so new. (Black Sports was the first major sporting publication to specifically target black readers from 1971 to 1978.) There was a monthly feature called “Taking Care of Business” that featured former professional athletes who translated their success in sports to success in the corporate world or as entrepreneurs. I think there has long been the expectation, particularly among black athletes, that they should parlay their sporting achievements into wealth and an elevated socio-economic status. When I was part of the Raptors organization back in the late 1990s, I also recall many of the players talking about side-hustles/hobbies that they hoped to turn into full-fledged businesses upon retirement. However, I do think that the players nowadays have much more access to contacts and capital to launch their own companies. What’s also interesting is the emergence of second-generation NBA stars such as Steph Curry (father Dell Curry played in the league from 1986-2002). They have an even better sense of how to work the business of basketball to their own advantage.

BRJ: Can you imagine any of today’s players going into politics? Is Lebron gearing up for a presidential run?

TR: Perhaps. Hey, if Donald Trump managed to become president, a former basketball player certainly can.

BRJ: Let’s talk more about the game itself. Even readers who don’t follow sports are likely to be familiar with the “moneyball” phenomenon that hit baseball with the publication of Michael Lewis’s book fifteen years ago in July. Has the “analytics revolution” shaped the NBA in similar ways?

TR: Obviously, some aspects of data analysis have contributed to the success of teams like the Golden State Warriors. How can one deny that the strategy of taking more three-point shots has been a good one for the Curry and the Warriors? However, I want to think about the analytics revolution in light of the ongoing negotiation of power between team owners and the players. I know that proponents of the data analytics revolution have tended to scoff at naysayers like Charles Barkley, casting them as less-evolved luddites who are simply suspicious of change. I’m no Barkley fan, but I’m wondering if part of this critique has to do with fears about the players losing control over the game. It seems as if the rise of data analytics has the potential to shift the balance of power more so in favor of the team owners, potentially taking away the autonomy and creativity of the players in practicing their craft. As Yago asks in Ball Don’t Lie, who makes the game? The league and the team owners or the players? Also, what about the invasiveness of the statistics garnered from trackers that some players now have to wear? What is the bodily autonomy of the athlete in this case? Data can be used as a means for increased surveillance, discipline, and punishment. I also wonder if the data analytics revolution may change the character of the game. What is the end goal of the game? Is it the efficiency of scoring? Is it creative, entertaining play? Are these incompatible? I’m not sure, but they’re definitely things to think about. Basketball, much like soccer, is one of the few professional team sports that encourages free-flowing play. How will data analytics impact this aspect of the game? It suggests a potential move away from the ethics and aesthetics of black streetball that have come to define modern basketball. I’m not sure this is a good thing.

YC: As I said above, I’m writing a book called Numbers Don’t Lie! Counting and What Counts in the Culture of Basketball (forthcoming from University of Nebraska Press) to explore the question of the impact of basketball analytics on NBA play and culture. It’s played out a little differently than in baseball simply because in the NBA, the use of advanced statistical methods, enabled in part by computing power, to discern hidden patterns (which was what baseball’s moneyball was about) has coincided with the use of very sophisticated digital data production technologies (such as Second Spectrum’s optical tracking cameras, installed in every NBA arena, and which capture the movement of the ball and all ten players 25 times per second, thus delivering 800,000 data points to each franchise every game) so that basketball analytics is, at this point, essentially big data analytics.

The most obvious and frequently noted impact is the continued rise of the three-point shot in response to the statistical insight that it’s greater point value, given the skills and patterns of play prevailing in the league, make it a more efficient scoring play than many two-point shots. Another major trend that is still unfolding involves the use of wearables and other kinds of biometric technologies. Currently these can only be used in training and practice. Players understandably may want to know all they can about their bodies, their tendencies, and their futures. But the use of these devices should occasion serious discussion about the ethical and political implications related to quantification, surveillance, and the use of predictive algorithms in situations (like the NBA) where power differential exists.

However, as fascinating and powerful as basketball analytics are, and as important as the political and ethical questions raised by them are, I find myself personally even more compelled by a possibly more esoteric question raised by these techniques and technologies. Let me put it to your readers this way. Nobody argues that the purpose of analytics is to minimize risk by maximizing the capacity to forecast future outcomes. In other words, when owners and GMs use the data to project career arcs for players and correlate those with financial cost-benefit analyses, when coaches use the data to make decisions about matchups and rotations, and when players use the data to make tactical and technical decisions, they are all hoping that they will not be surprised.

Now, speaking for myself, most (not all, but most) of the delight I derive from watching basketball comes from being surprised. The wonder and awe, the beauty and grace and power, that I experience when I watch basketball play depends, at least in part, on players and teams doing unexpected (and even probabilistically unadvisable) things. I feel pretty sure that chance, randomness and surprise will continue to play a role in the NBA, but I wonder how that role will change with the continued expansion and advance of various kinds of predictive technologies. The predictability of the Warriors’ dominance of the league over the past four seasons (2016 is the exception that proves this rule) may be interpreted as a sign of this.

To wit, here is a slide from a lecture I recently gave to members of International Association for the Philosophy of Sport.

Just sayin.

BRJ: The risk that probability and big data could take some of the fun out of the game by limiting surprise rings true to me. To wit, the conventional wisdom about Golden State seems to be that they can only lose in the unlikely event that one of their stars gets injured. That’s hardly the kind of surprise eagerly awaited by most fans. At the same time, one might rightly argue that the pleasure also comes from watching the game at its finest, and what could be finer than the Warriors offense? This, at least, was the argument many of Kevin Durant’s supporters made about his decision to boost this juggernaut by joining the already great team he couldn’t quite defeat.

The other argument might be that enough chance will always remain, especially for the casual fan. After all, even the best shooting teams—currently the New Orleans Pelicans(?!)—only make 50% of their shots, and so, one might argue, any play could always go either way (if you’re wondering, Pelicans star Anthony Davis is shooting over 59% after 3 games). And perhaps part of the fun is simply the work of calculating the odds—and betting on them. Earlier this month the Mavericks, following something of this logic, hired a former professional gambler as “director of quantitative research and development.” This follows the announcement, back in September, that the NBA had entered an agreement with sportsbook provider MGM Resorts, now the league’s “official gaming partner.” What does this official sanctioning of gambling signal about the league’s future ambitions? Can you see any long-term consequences for the game itself?

YC: The NBA, in its earliest years, benefited enormously from the disrepute that befell college basketball in the early 1950s as a result of the CCNY game-fixing scandal. So I certainly expect that the League will do everything possible to avoid anything like that occurring. But as my comment above suggests, everybody involved in the NBA (from owners, to GMs, to coaches, to players) are all already essentially gamblers and already using quantitative data to inform their bets. Because of this, I see the official sanctioning of gambling more like the simple addition of another revenue stream rather than some sea change in the nature of the sport.

TR: I agree with Yago. It seems like a move to create another revenue stream. Nevertheless, this discussion makes me think back to the blackballing of Connie Hawkins for nearly a decade for his suspected ties to gambling ring leader, Jack Molinas. (Molinas ran a game-fixing operation.) Because of these unsubstantiated claims, Hawkins’ was first blackballed from the NCAA and then from the NBA, which nearly destroyed his chances of playing professional basketball. Forced to play in the ABL, ABA, and for the Harlem Globetrotters, Hawkins finally sued and won a settlement from the NBA in 1969. However, by then, his best playing days were over. Against the backdrop of this move to incorporate gambling, Hawkins’ story is all the more tragic.

BRJ: Thinking more about the NBA’s future and its relationship with college athletics, last week the New York Times reported that top high school recruit Darius Bazley, having already decommitted from Syracuse to sign with the NBA’s development league (the “G League”) has now opted instead to sign a deal with New Balance that will pay him $1 million to be an intern next year while he waits to meet the minimum age requirement (19) to enter the league. This is just the latest in a long struggle over when players should be allowed to enter the league—and what role the scandal-prone NCAA should play in the development of amateur athletes. Where do you see this debate going? Is the NBA headed for a system more like Major League Baseball’s minor league? This gets us away from the NBA, but what might this mean for the college game?

TR: At face value, the age minimum strikes me as paternalistic and unjust. Moreover, I can’t help but see the age minimum rule as part of the gentlemen’s agreement between the NBA and the NCAA to preserve the interests of both leagues. For a long time, the NBA needed the NCAA and its stars and player rivalries in order to capture their fans as college players moved on to the professional game. At the same time, the NCAA relies on being the proven path to the NBA in order to replenish its talent pools and suppress labor costs. In the course of doing research covering from the 1970s to the present, I’ve found that the critiques of the NCAA acting as the NBA’s defacto farm system have been very consistent over the decades. (i.e. the academics for NCAA basketball players are a sham, the “student-athletes” involved in Division I basketball are amateur only in name, the players are being exploited, the punishments of the players are draconian while the NCAA and its teams wash their hands of any culpability of rule violations, etc.) I don’t think it would be bad thing to disrupt this gentlemen’s agreement between two organizations that act as monopolies (Taylor Branch even called the NCAA a cartel). This is what happened back in the late 1960s and early 1970s with the advent of the ABA (the NBA’s rival league from 1967-1976) and then with Spencer Haywood v. NBA (1971), which struck down the league rule that a team could not draft a player until four years after his high school graduation. Thanks to these and other disruptions of the monopolistic control of the NCAA and NBA, the players were eventually able to use their position of increased power to end the option clause. I’m not really much of a prognosticator, but rules violations are endemic to the NCAA system, so I’m not terribly sentimental about it losing some of its control over the fates of players. I think that the fact that it has survived the way it has for so long has something to with the racial makeup of the players. People don’t care; they just want to be entertained regardless of what it is doing to the players.

YC: Theresa, again, is right on the mark as far as my experience (personal and scholarly) with these issues goes. She’s also wiser than I in refraining from prognostication. But what the hell: there are so many leaks in the NCAA boat right now that I have a hard time imagining its current D1 basketball model functioning too much longer into the future. On the one hand, college athletes seem to me to be growing in their awareness of their economic power and in their willingness to exercise that power as leverage (e.g. Missouri football), while on the other hand, the recurrent scandals and generally unsavory air of corruption and racialized exploitation surrounding the NCAA I think is already spurring (and is likely to continue to prompt) various individuals and organizations (even simply entrepreneurially motivated) to imagine and attempt to implement competitive models of sub-NBA caliber basketball play. One of the most interesting of these to me is the HB league, an initiative to create a national college basketball league that would compensate the college students who played in it beyond simply covering the costs of attendance . I like it because it addresses the racist dimensions of the current situation, acknowledges the importance of the financial piece (not only to players but to investors in any viable alternative to the NCAA), and seems to be trying to value education.

BRJ: We’ll have much more to say about the NCAA in future LARB Ball pieces, but I share your sense that D1 basketball needs to change.

Thanks to both of you for taking the time to talk with me. A couple of quick questions to end: Yago’s inevitability slide aside, can anyone unseat the Warriors—or, put another way, when and how does this reign end? And for those interested in tracing some of the issues we’ve discussed in more depth, what basketball books—aside from your own, of course—should we be reading, or anticipating, this fall?

YC: I don’t see anyone knocking off the Warriors this season (barring, as you mentioned, Brian, a major injury to a member of the core). But after this season, KD is a free agent, and there’s already lots of talk of him moving on to new challenges. But even if that doesn’t happen, time, eventually catches up with every great team (such as the Spurs currently). Players age, their skills diminish even if only slightly, they become more vulnerable to minor injuries and fatigue, and in the meantime, a new cadre of young players is on the rise who are themselves exhibiting new combinations of size, athletic ability and skill that may, eventually, make the on-court innovations of Curry & Co. seem routine.

As for book recommendations, my gosh, there are so many great, thoughtful books inspired by by basketball. One of my favorites is Aram Goudsouzian’s riveting biography of Bill Russell, King of the Court, which gives a superb account not only of Russell himself, but of the overlapping contexts of sport, American society, and race that shaped Russell and that he also helped to transform in the 50s and 60s. In a different vein, the pioneering works by the FreeDarko blogging collective (The Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac and The Undisputed Guide to Pro Basketball History) are great introductions both to basketball and to the innovative creative writing that has emerged around the game in the past 15 years. I’m looking forward to Theresa’s work on the 70s, but in the meantime, I think that historian Adam Criblez’ Tall Tales and Short Shorts: Dr. J, Pistol Pete, and the Birth of the Modern NBA gives an excellent account of that pivotal decade, perhaps paired with Halberstam’s The Breaks of the Game. Boyd’s and Lane’s books that I mentioned above do an excellent job tracing the complicated intersections of race, class, and culture converging on hoops in the 80s and 90s. Among the most recent works, I think that Jonathan Abrams Boys Among Men (on the prep-to-pro generation) is not only thoroughly reported, but very beautifully written. It may in some ways be a bit outdated, but your readers might appreciate this more extensive list of my favorite basketball books that I posted a few summers ago on my blog.

TR: There is always a human element to the game, so you never know what is going to happen. As I said before, I’m not much of a fortune teller, but bodies fail, minds get side-tracked, and unforeseen circumstances are always in the wings.

As for books, I agree with Yago’s selections. A few that I would add are Sam Smith’s book on the Oscar Robertson et al v. NBA suit, Hard Labor: The Battle that Birthed the Billion-Dollar NBA, John Feinstein’s, The Punch: One Night, Two Lives, And the Fight that Changed Basketball Forever, and David J. Leonard’s After Artest: The NBA and the Assault on Blackness. My own book, tentatively titled, Black Ball: Rethinking the “Dark Ages” of Professional Basketball, is still very much a work in progress. According to popular memory, the NBA struggled during the seventies because it was too black, too violent, and too drug-infested for its majority-white audience. Black Ball critiques this declension story. It explores how professional basketball emerged as a site for public debates over black politics and culture in the late twentieth-century United States, as African American athletes not only became the demographic majority (approximately 75 percent of the players), but fought for more control over their labor. I also explore how black players changed the aesthetics and rules of the game, infusing it with the style and ethics of urban black streetball. This underlying tension played out in the form of numerous “crises” throughout the decade—over not just on-court violence and drug abuse, but also the league’s monopoly status, the option clause, and the slam dunk—as NBA league executives and team owners tried to figure out how best to market and monetize a sport now dominated by African American players. It promises to shed light on this relatively understudied era that gave rise to the modern NBA.

Source: https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/larb-ball-nba-roundtable/

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