#...also sorry for the fucking essay OTL

[tobyisave]

Trust & Insecurity in Kiibo & Miu's relationship

(In response to @strawberrysweater ! Thanks for opening this can of worms and sorry for this huge post lmaooo)

To preface this: I do love them together!! I just enjoy looking for the places they might clash at times if they were actually in a relationship... So this is about the things that keep them from fully understanding/trusting each other. And ofc this is just my interpretation!!

My short answer:

(1) Miu only thinks she is valuable as an inventor and sexual object, (2) Most people only care about Kiibo as a scientific novelty, and (3) they both have JUST enough evidence to convince themselves that this is also how they view each other. Even if deep down they're only playing these roles in an attempt to get closer to another human being.

On top of that, even though they're especially vulnerable with each other, I think there's still a lot of misunderstanding between them that would be difficult for them to reconcile. First because they have some genuine points of conflict, and second because they each have problems communicating and reading people (i.e. reality distorting levels of abandonment issues & obligatory robot autism coding, respectively)

Elaboration under the cut:

PART A - Insecurities

You can see (1) and (2) a bit in their other relationships:

Miu is of course hypersexual at all times, and she gives inventions to Shuichi (FTE) and her fantasy lover (love suite) because, as she confesses herself, inventing stuff is the only way she knows how to show affection for other people besides offering them her body.

Her inventions and hypersexuality are also the only explicit points of connection between her and Kokichi, arguably the only other character she is remotely close to besides Kiibo and Shuichi.

So given that most of her onscreen relationship with Kiibo is sexual or scientific (or both) in nature, it’s easy for her to go on believing these are the only things she has to offer. It’s a bit self-fulfilling of course because she’s arguable the one controlling the direction of their relationship in the first place, and at this point I’m not sure she believes there’s anything else to her.

[Shout out to @cloudysonder for helping develop this take :P]

I get the impression Kiibo has met a lot of people over his life who only want to talk about how cool it is that he’s a robot, even though that’s not a part of his identity he initially likes to bring up.

In his FTE with Shuichi, he goes straight into 'demonstrating my functions' mode as if it's the only way he knows how to talk to people

We see him treated in this fetishized way in-game too: with Kokichi chasing him to be “friends with a robot”; with Kaede’s FTE asking him invasive questions and touching his buttons without asking; and in postgame with Kazuichi basically assaulting him and trying to take him apart out of scientific curiosity --- all of these within just his first or second interactions with these people!

So it's a BIG thing for him to willingly let Miu sit there and take him apart, when he already spends so much time fending off virtual strangers who don't respect his bodily autonomy. And he's not used to people taking a genuine interest in him as a person so he’s hesitant to let himself believe Miu is any different, especially when her interest is so explicitly centered around his biology.

Plus as long as Kiibo is physically dependent on Miu, there's going to be a lot of room for insecurity to fester on BOTH sides:

"Does Kiibo really need me or does he just need my technical skills? Does he want to do these favors for me or does he feel like he has to?"

"Does Miu really care who I am or does she just want to gawk at my body like everyone else does? Does she care who I am or am I just the first boy(?) to give her the time of day? Does she want to help me or does she just know she’s the only one who can?"

This is the biggest hurdle IMO because it's a necessarily unbalanced relationship, and it will have to continue for the foreseeable future, no matter how they feel about each other.

PART B - Respect/communication

Another thing is that I don't think they fully respect each other — kind of for the same reason the rest of the group doesn’t respect them either

Miu might not consider Kiibo a person. We know Kiibo was worried about this; when asking Shuichi to use the electrohammer on him he explains, "The outcome will settle once and for all how Miu perceived me." This, and the fact she says robots aren’t people in trial, make me pretty confident that she has never looked him in the eye and said "I consider you a person."

I think she has a complex relationship with Kiibo’s personhood. On one hand if he’s a thing then it’s much easier for her to control him (esp given what we see of their relationship) and this soothes her anxious heart by ensuring that he can’t abandon her.

At the same time, if this is the case, then his coerced/artificial love isn’t worth as much as it would be if it came from an autonomous human person — to her insecure mind, it becomes Miu alone in her room playing boyfriend girlfriend with a doll, if that makes sense. 

To clarify, I’m not saying she BELIEVES he’s just an object, but it’s an idea that both comforts and torments her.

It's worth noting, too, that Miu doesn't always respect people's consent. This is especially risky when you factor in their mechanic-robot relationship (which already comes with a difficult power dynamic) and Kiibo’s naive/somewhat people-pleasing personality.

On Kiibo’s end: I think it’s safe to say he finds her rude/inappropriate at first (though I think it's really sweet that he uses the much more euphemistic description 'brash and spirited' after getting to know her). They also have some pretty stark moral differences --- Kiibo is distraught to learn that Miu wasn't above murdering their classmates, for example.

More importantly, I headcanon he has a lot of difficulty understanding her at all  – on an emotional level, yes, and and on a literal level he just straight up doesn’t understand many of the sentences she says either

K: “Most of that was unintelligible nonsense, but…” after Miu explains her “secret woman weapon." IMO his decision to phrase this as an insult helps mask the fact he's not familiar with all the lewd references she just made

He also has problems understanding emotions from the start, and Miu is DIFFICULT to track because she cycles through emotions so rapidly.

+ he might find it hard to extrapolate that many of the things she does are part of a facade. The crass egotistical miu who says he’s not a person is equally as real to him as the deeply insecure miu wants to believe he is a person (if not more real…)

PART C

Also these bullets from my personal doc I don't have the willpower to expand on atm:

They are both so prone to misinterpreting people unkindly

They’re also both so misled about how committed a relationship is supposed to be. Like I think Kiibo would consider a confession from literally anyone to be tantamount to a proposal (based on his love suite scene). And Miu wouldn’t be quite so fast but i do think it’d still be a huge deal for her because she falls very hard very easily (based on her FTE). Which is all very cute but being plunged into a big commitment like that can be crazy stressful, esp for two teens who have never dated before (imo) and have no frame of reference. [I was actually just going to post about this part lol]

PART D

All that said... I love them together and I DO think they could make it work without too much heartbreak. A lot of the things I describe as problems here could easily be taken as strengths.

e.g. Their misunderstanding of how relationships work ironically makes them more compatible, since they're both ready to go whole hog (if Kiibo determines that he actually likes her that is). Miu's rapidly fluctuating emotions are confusing, but on some level I think he'd admire how deeply and obviously she is able to feel things. And of course Miu as an inventor has a deep (almost objectum like??) respect for machines that helps Kiibo accept that he can be a robot and a person at the same time, and is probably the only one in the class who understands just how impressive he really is.

Thanks thanks THANKS for reading if you seriously read all that!! Mwah!!!!

I would love to hear anyone's takes on my takes too :P I haven't been rotating them in my head for too long yet so I'm still developing my interpretations...

[fishgirl514]

I REREAD UR INTRO POST. MP100. need to tell u this. consider aslfua mpo au. on one hand. esper cheol. his repression and social anxiety swag. listen 2 me… him playing w his powers in the countryside …. but then he doesnt use them at all anymore ….

ALSO TERU!JINSEOP

SORRY I AM RESPONDING TO THIS LATW i had to let it marinate sufficiently in my head it was just so good…..

jinseop and teru both had to experience humbling but jinseop could definitely maybe use a little more LMAO free my girl song-i rest she deserves better T_T

also thank you so much for cheol psychic powers bc he has always been so autism to me (avoiding eye contact, extremely awkward, not very good with adults and being formal, struggles to process and express his feelings, shuts down and stops speaking when he’s freaked out, intimidating by accident, prone to outbursts when overwhelmed, quiet, uncomfortable around people, antagonized by the school system and the people around him despite being the victim because of a perceived “threat”, mi-ae is his adhd counterpart) and we all know that mp100 is about autistic people have psychic powers

mi-ae is kind of like tome? the energy and the goof factor for sure. she would be a non psychic who thinks psychics r so cool and her whole arc w cheol would be him thinking she only likes him for his abilities and he’s kind of like god fuck off!!! bc he feels like all anyone cares about is his powers whether they’re scared of him or they want to use him or they’re gawking at him and treating him like a zoo exhibit. everyone being scared of him bc they’ve heard he has insane powers and had an outburst in the past, but she genuinely just wants to be his friend bc she remembers being friends as kids and stuff and he starts using his powers in little ways to protect her !!!!!!! UUUAAAAHHHH

LIKE LIKE the first time it happens it s like he hasn’t used his powers at ALL in like years but one time mi-ae gets into trouble and someone kind of starts to threaten her and suddenly he uses just a little bit of psychic power to freeze the guy and be like hey dude. stop. AAAAAAHHH !!!!! literally thinking abt this in real time oh this post is going to be an essay. and then he starts using his powers to like. catch her when she trips or send a note across their windows or silly little things as he gets more comfortable using it again. ugh. i love them. and her genuine lack of fear of him and appreciation for who he actually is makes him fall in love like in the regular series OTL

and obv we don’t know shit about whatever the hell happened between them back in the country side STILL UGHHH but i would think it would b something like. they are like playing together and he’s using his powers comfortably and freely in front of her and it’s such a bonding moment god i love them <33333333!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and like in the future he likes to float her around to tease her (she also loves it and requests it because she gets to be taller than him and fly like an airplane LOL)

he will put her in air jail when she needs to settle down

i also feel like they might have a fight scene with some sort of “jason this isn’t you :( just look at me jason ok? it’s just you and me right now” kind of moment LMAO but it would actually be good and not corny, more like the scene from avatar with aang and katara in the desert

anyway THANK you for this i am going to think about it forever i hope i was able to contribute and expand upon it

[reejindeed]

Hi! I really love the stuff you make, I’m also trying to make art but it’s not really good, at least not at the level i can show it to people yet. Especially lineart and colors are hard. I’m currently 17 and many people i see online are/were way better than me at my age. (Granted i have been preoccupied with mental stuff and still am.depression sucks...)

Do you have any advice for people struggling to get better?

Ps: really cool to see that someone I really look up to is transmasculine as well! :D hope you get T soon!

It's hard not to get discouraged by things like that, and trust me... If I ever find out how to never feel that way again, I will let you know because even I struggle with this. I think most artists do.

The best advice I can give is to watch videos on youtube of professional artists drawing, even if they don't necessarily have the same style as you. I used to watch comic book artists draw and tried to replicate their process as best as I could.

As an artist, you cannot learn everything by yourself. We call ourselves "self taught," but none of us would be where we are if we hadn't been able to absorb information from the artists around us. Learn as much as you can from online tutorials. Pick something you want to work on and force yourself spend a week, a month, a year, whatever it may be... Just devoted to improving that specific skill.

If you're concerned about your skills with inking, force yourself to ink every drawing you make.

If you want to get better with colors, watch some coloring tutorials online and choose a process that resonates with you best... Then do it.

I think one of the hardest things about art is that we don't realize how long it takes to get to a place where we're happy with the work we produce, and even then by the time you get there your eye for detail and critical thinking has improved enough that you can still see all of the things you'd like to improve.

Don't forget to be aware of what your strengths are as an artist and play to those as well. Even if you feel like you may not be as good as someone else, that doesn't mean that you don't have your own strengths... And the more you draw, the more evident those strengths will become.

I know it may not feel like it, and it may sound odd to hear, but 17 is also still REALLY young. It's a difficult age because the separation between those who might be more naturally gifted in more areas or are outright prodigies and the rest of everyone feels like a canyon... But trust me when I say, that gap really can be closed with hard work and determination.

Keep learning, keep improving, don't be afraid to congratulate yourself for the successes, and good god never beat yourself up for having to take breaks for mental health (YES THEY ARE NECESSARY AND WE ALL TAKE THEM)... And remember: even if you don't like the piece as a whole, maybe you drew a hand or an eye or the hair really well. That's okay to be proud of that.

I find that with most of the things I draw, by the time I'm done with it I rarely actually like the whole thing. Then I take a step back and look at it again after a few days and I can say, "Okay.. well I like how the lines here came out, and I think the shading here works well, and I like these specific moments with these pops of color," and that ends up being enough for me to feel content with a piece.

Art is hard. I think a lot of artists are becoming more and more willing to admit that. We all have things we struggle with. There is no shame in feeling like you're a little behind in the game, and trust me when I say you are not alone in that feeling. Try to turn that frustration into motivation, and never let it keep you from making art... No matter how old you are. Trust me, you'll be okay.

[theprettysetterclub]

heyyy can I request a matchup?? :)) im 5'1 with shoulder length black hair and really into vintage fashion paired with basics!!! im a panromantic demisexual, aquarius & intp, who is more of an ambivert tbh, how extroverted/introverted I am depends on my mood/company! usually am pretty happy-go-lucky, excitable and I make friends easily!! im chill most of the times and i prefer to avoid confrontation but i can and will call ppl out on their bs (if needed) - hq!! ask anon (from imagines blog)

  also i LOVE cold/dad jokes and bad pickup lines hahah i laugh easily but bonus points if the person is super awkward or deadpan about it! my interests include fashion, movies, reading, and comics - i usually spend time searching for cute vintage clothes, discussing movies/books/anime or just spending time doing activities (usually cooking/baking!) with my friends and family!! - hq!! ask anon

im really affectionate so its important for me to spend time with my loved ones to receive and in turn, give affection to them - usually in the from physical touch or quality time spent together!! im so glad that your matchups are open cos i love your haikyuu imagines and the amount of thought yall put into the matchups is just mindblowing tbh!!! hehe thank you in advance and im looking forward to the results 🥰🧡 - hq!! ask anon PS. so sorry it turned out so long idek how it happened OTL

HQ ASK ANON!! you’re a little ball of sunshine alkjfd how are you so cute,,, no choice i have adopted you now dskljfd also xNTP club represent! 

also i wrote this in an inspired flurry while procrastinating my history essay due next week so i hope it’s legible kdfjl

i had a hard time narrowing it down but!! i match you with… 

bokuto koutarou!

✧ that is him trying to impress you honestly i love this dumbass so much and every time he’s on screen you just know you’re in for a good time,,, and i think he’d absolutely adore you! also he loves how much shorter than him you are, he enjoys hugging you from behind because of it sdlkj

✧ i think you match his energy quite well, while still balancing him out! he needs someone who can keep up with him, while also bringing him back down to earth. he definitely brings out your extroverted side, but the fact you can be a bit more lowkey sometimes is a good thing for him; he needs to take a break from being at 100% all the damn time sdlkj 

✧ cutest! happiest! brightest couple! honestly, you two would be so adorable,,, just sunshine incarnate. you can’t help but feel happy in each other’s company, and it’s kind of infectious? you guys can be quite loud, but people enjoy being around you two because you bring love and light wherever you go,,, bless 

✧ but you can call him out on his bs when you need to, because oh boy, does he need it sometimes,,, you and akaashi (who adores you, btw) tag team it. you’re sort of like a ‘bokuto’s personal development team’ because you spend a lot of time trying to help him with his slumps. needless to say the results are very hit-or-miss 

✧ good thing you laugh easily because he’s just,,, so funny without even trying. and when he makes you laugh, his heart feels so full and ready to burst and he’s so proud of himself for achieving something so important and-- he’s just very wholesome like that kjlkj 

✧ listen. make the boy some lunch for practice and he’ll cry. absolutely shows off the bento box you made with him last night to all the black jackals. h e l p t h e m -- he won’t shut up about you ever and they’re s u f f e r i n g. they absolutely know far too much about you to the point that it’s kind of embarrassing. but, they beg you to come to their games because bokuto works just that little bit harder when you’re in the stands because he just wants to impress you so bad--  

✧ i think he’s also super physically affectionate, so your love languages line up! he’s honestly kind of clingy, so good luck with walking around at all when you’re alone because you’ll have all 6′3″ of him wrapped around your waist at all times,, also, he genuinely tries to spend as much of his free time with you as possible! once he finds out how much that means to you, he literally writes it down in his phone so he’ll never forget it sdlkdjf he does that with everything important you mention to him! he’s that determined to be a Good Boyfriend, bless his heart,,, 

✧ his favourite thing to do is spend time with you, tbh,,, whether it’s being stupid while watching a movie and discussing it (he’s trying, even if things fly over his head sometimes), being your hype guy whenever you’re trying out a new outfit combination, trying his best to cook with you (you know that bento box i mentioned? the plan was for you two to make it together, but he managed to fuck up the sauce by making it way to sweet. so, the duty was handed over to you while he sulked with his head buried in your shoulder)

✧ you two are,,, so cute,,, my heart can’t handle it,,, you two would just be so loving and giving and you’d have the most wonderful time together? i love this couple so much give him a gentle kiss on the forehead for me 

other matches!

✧ sugawara koushi: goblin angel boy,,, i love him,,, he’s a little smarter than bokuto, so i think you’d have a lot of fun discussing media together! he’s very perceptive and analytical, so he always has something interesting to say? otherwise, i think he’d also love your bright personality? he’s not called mr. refreshing for nothing, and i think you’d get along so well. he’s more lowkey than bokuto, so you’d have a lot more quiet time together; he’s good at managing his time so he’s always finding space in his day to cuddle with you (he’s also very affectionate!). i think he’d also make you laugh a lot; he’s not quite awkward or deadpan, but he can be a little dry? expect him to make a lot of witty little comments just to hear you laugh,,, UGH you’d just be so cute please shower him with love,,, also he loves that you’re so much shorter than him lmao idk why there’s so many question marks in this paragraph BUT–

✧ yachi hitoka: MY GIRL,,, first of all, you’re so tiny? like? that’s so cute oh my goodness? ANYWAY, i think she’d really enjoy being around someone like you? you’re easy to be friends with, as well as excitable and fun to be around. but, it’s not quite like with hinata (where being in his presence feels like staring directly into the sun, bless him). she really enjoys your happy-go-lucky personality, and it’s a balance to her anxious rambling. i think she’d also appreciate the fact that you’re able to call her out every now and then, because it might help break her out of an anxious spiral or two. she’s so easy to make blush tbh – all you gotta do is hold her hand and she’s bright red. also baking together,,, cuddling up on the couch together while you watch a movie (yes, her face is still red),,, my heart cannot physically handle the amount of sheer wholesomeness this couple exudes and i’ve got to stop rambling before i lose all sense of coherency slkj

[chococustard]

Hi.. just out of curiosity, do you have favorite fanfic or fic rec for bnha?

first time putting this together my chrome closed and killed all of it=‘D

they’re mostly one shots since on going ones, cause of my shitty memory i can’t remember most of them otl

they’re under the cut and separated into categories//shot sorry i can’t word well;;; enjoy//shot

—- GENERAL (mostly)/ OTHERS —–

you’re a good man midoriya hizashi - deku’s dad is a lawyer and a nerd

no happy endings, just beginnings - eri getting used to civilian live and it’s the cutest fucking thing

nya means i love you in cat - IICHAKO DATE IICHAKO DATE IICHAKO DATE

sleepless - todo sleeps everywhere. that’s it

see me and you’ll know you’re sleeping - baku and todo talks at 3 am

iida tenya is best mom - that’s also it

send endeavor to the shadow realm - a whole series of roasting flaming cheeto man. also deku’s a fucking savage god bless

perfect timing  -  present mic and aizawa visits tensei at the hospital ft fuyusei. part of the author’s 12 days of christmas set, all of it is cute

a riddle to guess if you can - all might has a few words for the new number one hero

heroes’ day off - domestic shit ft tododeku, kiribaku, momojirou and tsuocha

bakugou is human - ft kiribaku

fallen heroes��- villain!class 1A and others

looking glass - kidnapped and forced to join the villains as a child, deku got caught by the heroes during the usj attack, and joins their side instead

little, and broken, but still good - momo protection squad

pressure points - todoroki shoto finally became a child at 15

—- TODODEKU —-

lazy day - soft

(all I knew this morning when I woke is) green eyes and freckles and your smile - sleepy. kisses.

count your blessings, not your flaws - deku’s used to getting asked out by people as a joke. the one time it’s not, he laughed

sickeningly sweet - omegaverse au where todo is possesive and deku’s a little shit and i love him?? also  like, no relation, here ojiro’s the dominant alpha of the class and he’s just. so done. i love it

heroes, love and soulmates - what you write on your skin appear on your soulmate’s, also. soft. so soft.

conventional taste - deku won an essay contest and took todo to hero con. as cute as the tododeku stuff was i also like it just as a general fic, like, the con stuff in there i just can’t help but “i feel u”//shot and the uh, the other parts also hits to the heart

cold hands, warm heart - todo likes deku’s hands

reunion - apparently middle school reunions are a thing ft baku being not shit

sweater weather - this. just. this whole thing. i have diabetes from this

get me waken up, shaken up, tangled up - omegaverse au where todo and deku just date and it’s cute

bonded - omegaverse au drame™ also like the only omegaverse fic with all my ship as far as i know thank u op

your biggest fan - ….they buy each other’s merch- im dying, deceased

the five times shouto found his hand in izuku’s hair and the one time it happened in front of bakugou - deku’s hair floof appreciation fic

I’m yours if you’ll have me - omegaverse au where deku tries to get todo to just get a fucking clue ft bakushima 

i’ve tried every hobby, and you’re all that’s left - everyone got todo to try and find a hobby

all your little things - deku wants todo to love himself

Marry The Mole - flaming cheeto man tried to bribe his son’s bf to break up with him

petal steps - hades/persephone au

—- KIRIBAKU —- 

a whole series where kiri and baku are THAT couple

a many splendored things - anniversary fluff

anniversary - ^another one

little words - soulmate au where you’re born with the first words your soulmate directs at you

free at last - omegaverse au where kiri’s parents are assholes

angel’s kiss - FRECKLE. KISSES.

beating in time - vampire!au where some hunter thought baku’s a vampire, while it’s actually kiri, tho baku doesn’t know that either

teach me how to surf and other stuff - surfer au whee as a pro baku pretends to suck so he can get close to the cute surfing teacher

flowers speak louder than words - baku has hanahaki

crystal tears - kiri cries crystals, and he and baku learns how to do relationship

all the make up that MAC can make - kiri tries make up

nothing ever goes wrong at the mall - baku and kiri meets baku’s old middle school classmates

13 things best bros do together (+1 thing they don’t) - oblivious idiot

Next to You - sOFT

Pining and Pinning - quirkless au where guitarist baku has it bad

A Consequence of Constant Explosions - deaf baku and supportive bf kiri

white walls - kiri’s injured, baku’s worried

hold my hand until I feel whole again - kiribaku ft post raid ptsd

tuesday i was through with hoping - ^another one

after the fact - ^^again, another one

sunshine flutters - ^^^^another fucking one but it’s from baku’s perspective

something like an earthquake - another post raid hospital fic

tender loving care - another one this time ft momo

hoodies - omegaverse where baku gets possessive 

a boy & his dragon - fantasy au where kiri and baku date

Soft - omegaverse au where kiri tells baku they’re gonna have a kid

—- BAKU AND DEKU FRIENDSHIP FOCUS —-

baby steps - bakugou’s journey to be a decent human being ft. eri kiri and momo

romantic displays of a barbarian - baku openly showing his love for his wonderful bf

make a spark, break the dark - fantasy!baku went to the canon verse

there’s a space here shaped like you - ^another one

to win back your heart which was mine - ^another one but fantasy!kiri is fucking dead

bakugou’s (wikihow) guide to making friends - baku attempts to amend his friendship with deku ft kiribaku

will I ever be more than I’ve always been?  - baku trying to apologize for his shitty past. part of a series of future fic, they’re also great

—- ANGST CAUSE FUCK FEELINGS —-

white lily - midoriya izuku hates himself

scorpions and chains - hit by a quirk deku’s put to sleep, everyone else ended up seeing the past he never says

out of reach - @garbageisland-0​ ‘s nomu!deku au. it hurts 

for the future - during the sludge villain attack, baku watches deku dies right in front of his eyes, and he mourns

the stars welcome them home - on weekends students go home for the weekend, except satou, hagakure, baku, and todo

the sadness behind their eyes - as a teacher fuyumi wants none of her students to end up like her brother

this sick, strange darkness (comes creeping on, so haunting every time) - todoroki shouto is dead

so big / so small - sads but it’s todo, bday angst

Escape - the sads now ft kiri

the song of a broken past - kiri copes with his feelings with the violin, quirkless au

hit me up if you want the dirty//shot

[kandismon]

Would you be okay sharing how you make money from your art now, and how you got there? You seem so happy in that post you made a while back, and in your tags sometimes!

hiya nonny

sorry for the late reply, i knew i wanted to take some time to answer this properly and i had to wait until now ;;;;;;;;;;

i hope you’re still around to read it ;;;;;

i’m gonna put this under a read more because i ended up rambling and wrote an entire essay (and it’s probably way too honest but that’s the only way i know how to talk to people and maybe someone can get something out of this lolol)

1. HOW THE HECK DID I GET HERE

i used to be stuck in a job a couple of years ago that not only bored the hell out of me but also gave me nightmares for the longest time for various reasons and it ended up draining all of my energy and for a while i wasn’t able to enjoy what i love most, which is, of course, drawing. i’m not good at leaving thoughts and worries regarding work at my workplace, i’m the type to take it all home with me and it made me become apathetic and unable to get excited over anything and i could practically feel my motivation to create anything leave me.

at that time i started noticing that my audience had grown quite a bit over the years and i was already doing a few commissions here and there and i had sold a couple of fanbooks, and those were things i really loved doing, but, as mentioned above, at that time i didn’t really have the energy to focus on that because i was still wasting most of my day with that unsatisfying job.

thanks to my partner, who kept kicking my ass for a while, i ended up looking for a new job, found a shop that was looking for someone to hire part-time, i applied, got it and quit my old job the next day.

part-time seemed great, because it meant i’d have double the time to work on art and commissions and also i was probably going to be able to sleep well again because i didn’t have to worry about what was going on at my old workplace anymore, right?

…. wrong.

while i really liked working at that shop, it took up a lot of time too in the end, due to extra-time, extra (non-paid) responsibilities and interpersonal problems. also i suck at saying no to people, so bye-bye time for art and welcome back nightmares.

while working there, more and more commissions started coming in, my audience kept growing slowly but steadily, people were actually interested in comics and products i made ?? and i didn’t make a lot of money back then by a long stretch but it was just. so. fulfilling. i love doing commissions, i love drawing stories and sharing them, and there’s no better feeling than making a thing yourself and ending up with the finished product in your own hands, and my wish to freelance more came from these experiences.

meanwhile the situation at work started pissing me off more and more and i was close to saying fuck it and quitting so so often and, well, last year i finally did (again thanks to my partner for listening to my rants and also kicking my butt to get the hell out of there LOL)

i was considering looking for yet another job but tbh after all these years i’m tired of having to deal with authority figures that pay you jackshit for your work but try to push you around 24/7 and bend you to their will because they don’t give a fuck about their employees and only care about $$$ (or maybe i’m just too stubborn and can’t deal with people who try to tell me what to do [i’m pretty sure that’s the main issue tbh lolol])

so i decided to try and become an independent artist full-time. which is still risky but

a) if i don’t try it, i’ll regret it for the rest of my life

b) i have no one i have to support financially except for myself, so in case i fail the only person who’ll get in trouble is me, which is very convenient ??

for various reasons i had no choice but to jump right into this without feeling prepared enough at all BUT i still think it’s gonna work out somehow. i’ve learned a lot these last couple of weeks/months and i’m positive that it’s going to be Just Fine.

2.) WHAT THE HECK AM I ACtuALLY DOING

i do still feel like i have no idea what i’m doing most of the time, so take everything below with a bit of skepticism but i think i’ve been doing some things right without even realising it.

like, even though quitting my job and deciding to work as an artist was a very impulsive decision, i think i fulfill the necessary requirements for it to work out:

i had some money saved up that could help me survive for a few months if i ended up not being able to make any money for a while

i already had freelance jobs lined up and projects i was working on that would provide me with some sort of income

and it’s been working out so far ??? (let’s talk again in a few months when i realise all the things i’ve forgotten or fucked up)

things i noticed during that time, that i need to fix/work on/learn:

 i need to raise my prices again or come up with a better system like ?? patreon at some point in the future maybe (because at this rate i have to draw at least 20 commissions each month JUST to make enough money to pay rent and insurance, and while jobs are coming in, which is great, i’m going to kill myself sooner rather than later with this workload)

i need to figure out a way to reduce the time i spend each day with just answering emails/messages/asks/mentions because it takes away a lot of time that i should spend drawing and while i really want to reply to everyone who takes the time to write me, i just can’t do it anymore without losing too much time orz so i’m trying to think of a solution, like a ?? monthly post in which i just reply to questions i’ve gotten a lot or something IDK

taxes wtf

as much as i love doing commissions, i do need to find a way to be able to work just as much on personal projects, because in the end that’s what i really want to do and what gives me the needed motivation to wake up in the morning and continue to work hard on myself and my skills

speaking of mornings, i need to find a daily routine again, my hours are all over the place, which i had decided i would allow myself for some months but it’s time i made a proper schedule that i can stick to

anyway, my current income consists of commissions, leftover comic sales and nice people who send me donations through ko-fi ; ;

at the end of the month i have not actually made any money though, usually i have a bit of a loss but that’s fine since i’m just starting out and you can never expect to make profit immediately when you start a business. i’m still figuring things out and will hopefully manage to actually make enough money to live off soon lol;;;;;;;;;;

i hope this ?? answers your questions?? if there’s anything else you wanna know, feel free to ask &i’ll try to not take 3 months to reply LOL

i’m more than willing to share whatever little experience and knowledge i can offer, i don’t believe in keeping things to yourself just so that nobody else can benefit from them, i think it’s much better to share information and help each other out if possible ;;;;

also i’m sorry if this is too much information that nobody asked for, i have never learned how to get to the point quickly OTL

[kyoukokiwigiri]

As I’ve stated from the LAST post, the special mentions will have me rambling about how much they mean to me! You guys deserve your own spotlight & thus I am here to let my heart open to you~ Also. I’m so so so so sorry for the potential spam this is going to do, but at the same time, y’all needa let Luciafer love you to hell & back. 

Also, please just ctrl + f your urls if you don’t wanna scroll for decades, because this got SUPER lengthy. Also sorry for any mobile users viewing my blog oh dear lord-- 

Art Source  [ X ] 

@glovedxdetective - Brittany, honestly. I can say so much about you. Hell, if I let everything out, it would be APA formatted with 5 pages & double space. Honest. I am so glad that I had the guts to approach you at first, & I am so so so glad to have a friend like you. You mean absolutely EVERYTHING to me. I never thought I could find someone so unique, talented & special like you & I am ALWAYS in awe when it comes to you. From the shitposting to the plotted AUs & our ships, I wouldn’t have it any other way. You, my dear, are one of my VERY best friends. Thank you so much for always being there for me. Thank you for dragging me out of the murky water, & thank you for always making me smile & laugh. If I had the power to do anything for you, I’d make sure you’re happy no matter what happens. <3 

@rikaikokai / @akaikogo - Mako. Oh my goodness. You’re one of the oldies, but you’re one of the goodies ;3 Being serious, you honestly have such a charming personality & you’re REALLY funny. You’ve been nothing but supportive & I am glad to have you around. I am glad that we’re talking again because you make me see the light in so many various ways. I honestly admire you because of how tough you are, but you also taught me a lot. You never sugarcoat & it helped me grow up over the years. So thank you, Mako. Never change because you’re absolutely perfect. <3 

@gelidrose / @osculummortiferum - Cheryl/Amelie. You. Yes you. You are the VERY reason why I am here today. If it weren’t for our friendship years ago, I wouldn’t be here loud & proud with a big smile. I always think of you whenever I’m not wrapped up in my own thoughts & shenanigans, & I miss you. I hope things have been well for you over there, & never forget that you meant absolutely everything to me. You’re sweet, kind, loving, caring & simply amazing. I know we don’t talk much nowadays, but I am ALWAYS open to chat with you any time. I love you, no matter what happens. I’m always here to support you if you ever need it! <3

@bledfed - Caleb!!!! You are so amazing. I can’t believe we’re basically opposites in almost EVERY single way. You are an AMAZING friend & I love & adore you to bits! From what we had from DPOE to Twelvegiri to cute Kitkat & Kirigiri memeing shenanigans. I love how you are as a person & even if you are like 99.99% salt mine, I still love you & will always be by your side. I’m basically platonically married to you in my own way & just stay rad! You are amazing. Always remember this & just know I’m gay as fuck for you <3 

@truthmixedwithlies - LMAO FUKBOI. You’re barely on your RP blog & you’re mostly on skype, but I’m going to force you to read this ultra gay shit man. Honestly, that’s some extreme PDA if I were to ramble about you, so I’ll ramble about my dokis for you since forever. Honestly, you’re one of the first Kirigiri dupes I’ve interacted with & honestly you’re my longest lasting lover as well. So yo, you’re honestly really great & I love you a lot even though school is kicking both our asses ||||OTL

@kirigiri-kocho - PEYTON, M’WIFE!!!! AF !!!!!!!! <3 LISTEN. I CAN RAMBLE ABOUT YOU FOREVER & I LOVE YOU TO HELL & BEYOND. Whenever you’re sad it makes me sad because no, Peyton deserves ALL THE JOY IN THE WORLD!!!!!! Listen. I love all your portrayals, ideas, & your PASSION for Jin. You make me love the Kirigiri family even more despite how despair-ridden it is & oh my godddddddddd never think you’re horrible or anything because I will shove you my heart to hell, heaven & space!!!! <3

@empatheticapothecary - Ray, you’re quite a unique friend that I gotta say. You have amazing writing talent & it awes me how you can write that much & have it be relevant & yet so wonderful to read. You have an amazing portrayal of Seiko & honestly, thank you so much for giving Kirigiri her partner. I never expected this ship to take over. You as a friend...I can say a lot. You are sweet, caring, kind & understanding. Despite what went on between us both, I am very glad to have you as a friend. You have a good head on your shoulders & don’t let anything keep you down. <3 

@kibotofuko - Kelli!!!!! You’re honestly an amazing person! I love you & your Komaeda so much you have no idea. Oh my goodness, I blog stalk you basically because I just love seeing your content. You’re a great person for hosting the Chatzys and stuff for the longest time & the fact we caused that one meme trend for the night was absolutely amazing. I’m always here for you if you need it though! Just remember I love you tons <3 

@overlordofdarkness - Oh my god Cam, you have the sassiest remarks, but you’re utterly hilarious. You making that card deck for Cards Against Humanity is ABSOLUTELY priceless, but you & your Gundam are just as equally amazing. I love the thread we have going on & I love being around you whenever the case possible! Stay thirsty m’dude you god damn tsundere you <3 

@emissicius - RICARDO!!! YOU GOD DAMN GAY FUCK YOU. Oh my god, you will never hear the end of it on how much you MEAN to me. I can never thank you enough for all you’ve done. Thank you from the bottom of my heart once again, & thank you for being a good, close friend to me. You are the greatest Kizakura I’ve ever witnessed in my life & you have such a great, charming & funny personality that I’d never get tired of you. Also, I’ll get my lazy ass one of these days to get you your #dreamthreads ;3 <3 

@idolocity / @drakonubiytsa - SON!!!!!! OH MY GOD MARK. LISTEN YOU FUCK. You’re such a memefucker & I love you so much for it. Remember the days where you were shy as fuck to me? Here we are, still strong after like what? Two years of friendship? Oh my god, like, I fucking love you to bits & you are my precious son forever. Memether got your back 5eva <3  Also, my asshole is clenched & ready for that Saihara & you already know what the first few posts will be. LMAO

@hxpeiing / @kexbo - MY OTHER SON!!!!!!!!! Chris I love you so much & thank you so much for putting up with my meme shit & shit overall omfg-- but listen fam, you got an AMAZING Naegi & my Kirigiri loves him so much like af ( TRUE BROTP RIGHT HERE ). I love your Kiibo too & am honestly ready for when you put him out into the spotlight fully. You got an amazing personality & you’re so funny & kind like oh my god. The salt we have though is hilarious, but I mean, like mother like son EHH? AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYLMAO 

@uhhhthisone - WESLEY! Dude you’ve been around since forever. I love how you talk to me about your disappearances & commissions. I also love all the small little gifts you actually take the time to buy & send me. Honest! I’m kinda excited for those chocolates you’re gonna mail & I appreciate what you got for my Steam, etc. But no, you’re honestly really sweet, & those fun memes you send for Kirigiri make my day even better. Though I’m really busy most of the time so I apologize for not talking to you as much as I’d want. Though I still love you fam ;3 <3

@djwiththefxre - Mari!!! You’re so sweet oh my god I love you so much af. I love you & your Souda like oh my god Kirigiri has the BEST god damn soul brother & it’s all thanks to you! I love everything about you & what you do for your muses. Let’s never forget that Izayoi was the SHSL Wingman for the longest time LMAO <3 

@vcgabcnd - KENZIE M’MEMER AF. Listen m8 you & Ryuko are stuck with me forever & much less alone Kirigiri is always going to suffer. NEVER FORGET. EVERY TIME I SAY SHE ISN’T SHE OUT ANGSTS MY OWN EXPECTATIONS. But we our motto together is “I LOVE DYING & BEING DEAD” & I find that special. You’re awesome, rad & honestly one of m’fams & you’re stuck with me forever xoxo <3  Serious you, like your portrayal of Ryuko is fantastic & I’m so glad to be a friend of yours as well as to have the luxury to see you host streams & seeing your threads with others! 11/10 would recommend <3 

@psythe - EL!! MY DAUGHTER AF. Listen m8, we go back WAYYYYY back then like when the dinosaurs lived. You were but a wee lil memer & you have quite the sassy bite now & I cry about it 24/7. Honestly, I can say a lot about you but I won’t because that’d be like a 5 page essay, APA formatted, etc. Though I love you to hell & back & you’re basically my fam though I have shitty communication skills at time, but also I blame nursing school to some extent lmAO. Either way, you’re hella awesome tbh & I love how you’ve improved over everything over the years <3 

@horosuru - NIKO!!! Listen m8, you’re perfect & nothing can make me tell you otherwise. NOT EVEN IF THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN & VOTED FOR THE WORSE MEMER. I love you & your Ryuko & I love what you headcanon & write out. Oh my lord. Your meta rambles are LOVELY to read & as well as the storyline you have going on in your storytime chat with the rest of us. Honestly, you’re so nice & I love you so much even though we still needa bond??? But you’re absolutely HILARIOUS like please let me love you more y/y <3 

@hakureimaiden - IRMA IRMA IRMA IRMA !!! <333333 MY FAM!!! AF!!!!!!!! Dude, the clancla you sent I’ve received <3 but oh my god no I love you so much like who knew Reimu and Kirigiri were going to be like PLATONIC SOUL MATES? WHO KNEW WE’D HAVE SUCH A LIT FRIENDSHIP??? ESPECIALLY WHEN WE STREAMED LIKE SHARNADO AND OTHER THINGS OH GOD. From angst hell via DPOE to the meme times now like good lord I love you so MUCH LIKE I CAN WRITE ESSAYS ABOUT YOU. YOU MADE ME LOVE TOUHOU AGAIN. FUCKING STAY HELLA DANK M’DUDE <3

@mcncheri / @sadiques -  MICHAEL <3 Listen dude, you’re EXTREMELY talented like your art is SUPER amazing & I love your portryal for Adrien & Yandere-kun. Like I know shit over there is really tough, but just know I’m always here if you needa vent or ramble. Like I’m not the best at handling some stuff but just know you mean a lot to me & that I want you to be happy & to have a good time <3 Honestly, I miss you quite a bit but I totally get like life & other shenanigans tbh 

@exsspes - NINA MY TWINZIE AF OH MY GOD I LOVE NINA!!! I LOVE NINA SO GOD DAMN MUCH. LISTEN. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU FUCKING MEME I WILL SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MT. EVEREST TO PROCLAIM MY LOVE TO YOU. Like you have SUCH adorable & amazing art, & I LOVE how you portray Naegi---especially DESPAIR! Naegi. Af oh my GOD GOOD SHIT GOOD SHIT. Like I’m STILL amazed to this day how well we bonded too?? Like we immediately had chemistry & just skyrocketed in bonding like jesus CHRIST WE ARE ALWAYS ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH TOO??? LIKE NEVER STOP BEING YOU. LET ME LOVE YOU FOREVER. 

@datxra - Jess~ <3 You’re one of the memers that lasted with me since the 2014 decade af. Honestly, AnR was one hell of a series & to be honest I didn’t think any AnR Rper would remain to this day. Clearly I’m proven wrong since you’re with the shit midget LMAO but fuck I love the chemistry she has with Kirigiri & it’s so much fun exploring & actually developing their story?? Like IT ALL STARTED FROM AN ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE. Here they are, getting pets together, Kirigiri saving her from her assassin life, & just holy SHITTTTTTTT THEY CAME SUCH A LONG WAY. I also love talking to you OOC whenever I can too since you’re SUCH A JOY TO TALK TO??? LIKE LET ME LOVE YOU. FOREVER. YOU’RE STUCK WITH ME. <3

@kagerou-days-konoha - ZAK!!!! We don’t talk too much, but I’m glad to see you’re still around! I miss the days we had before but it’s so nice to see you pop around to say hi once a while & just all your small gifts here & there make me smile. I cherish them honestly. From your drawings to your steam game gifts. You’re sweet & amazing & I hope things are going well for you out there! <3

@kanzukiisms - MY SON! M’BOY! Listen, we’ve been through so much but I love you a lot holy fuck. I’m happy & glad to see things are a bit better for you over there & how you’re always striving to be better <3 While we don’t talk a lot anymore, I still love you & like god---take good care of yourself over there alright? Mother is always here & ready to M E M E. Also congratulations on ALL your achievements! I’m proud of you. <3