#...Wow this was long. Gold star if you read through all of my ramblings!

[not-that-dillinger]

The first sensation that Ed noticed when he came to, was the searing white light, barely filtered through closed eyelids. He opened his eyes and squinted in the near blinding light, making out the blurry black forms of his captors, orange circuits seeming to flare, like he was in a movie where the CGI artists had an addiction to lens flares.

(...where were his glasses? Did something happen to them in the explosion, or did they take them when he was captured?)

The second sensation, that Ed became aware of, and much more alarming than the light, was that of the tight restraints around his neck, forearms, wrists, waist, and ankles.

Ed did not like being restrained. He jolted against them, and immediately panicked when the pressure against his throat restricted his breath.

"Be still," the soldier nearest him said. Ed focused in on her (at least... he thought? the soldier was a woman. The garbled voice that came from the helmet sounded vaguely feminine, as scrambled as it was). She was short, and had a violet symbol—As far as Ed could guess, it was a constellation shaped like a bird—emblazoned on her chest.

She also had a long staff that, when Ed, panicked as he was, did not stop struggling against the restraints, smacked him over the head with it, hard enough that his vision swam.

Ed froze, momentarily stunned.

"...Ow," he said.

"Commence overclocking," another soldier said.

A third soldier pressed a button on a control panel, and he could feel... current in the panel he was bound to. The first soldier took a syringe, and injected code into his arm. Ed could feel the functions and variables that made it up. And then... he could see the code that made up the Grid, and feel it vibrating in everything around him.

"Connection stable," one of the soldiers said.

Then... the sting of another needle. More code.

Roughly a minute later, there was a sensation like an electric shock, and then the Grid's code disappeared from his vision, and he could no longer feel it.

"Connection disrupted. Four point three-eight microcycles." The soldier said. A moment later, there was another shock, and then he could see the code again.

"Point three microcycles."

They continued to forcibly attempt to disconnect him from the Grid, and modify the code they injected. Thee time before he could reconnect slowly increased with each injection.

Ed wasn't certain how long it lasted, but when they were done, his body ached, and he had a headache like his head was splitting open, and he felt like he could sleep for years.

They put him in a gridsuit, and synced a disc to him. Ed could feel the disc sync in the back of his head with an uncomfortable staticky feeling.

And then they re-ran the tests. Now that he was properly synced, the shock of being forcefully disconnected hurt more. And the injected code seemed to cling to him. The disruptions in his connection lasted much, much longer this time.

[From "Send me ⚓️ for our muses to be shipwrecked together"

...Not sure who should approach who, and this got really long, so leaving it at this...

—@not-that-dillinger]

Ultimately, how Ed ended up on the Grid was trivial. An anomaly he noticed, and couldn't stop thinking about, and, on a whim, went to go investigate.

It didn't take him long to find Flynn's creepy basement lab. It took him less time to find the digital world (he was without a doubt inside the computer, because that was most certainly the digitization laser he shot himself with).

It took them even less time to find him.

All he knew was that one moment he was standing in a dusty arcade, the next... he was still standing in the arcade, except as if it existed in a different dimension. In a different world.

And then two... programs? in glowing orange suits approached him, arrested him (for what, he wasn't certain), and put him on one of those ships from Flynn's game that he was never allowed to play as a kid. Space Paranoids, if he remembered correctly.

In any case, they put him on the ship, with several other programs. He'd already had a stressful day (thanks, Mackey), and was barely keeping it together when one of the other programs mentioned that they were all going to 'derezz.' Ed wasn't certain what that word meant, but from the context, he was convinced the guards were taking them to their deaths.

He was claustrophobic from the number of people programs on the ship, and he may have shot himself with a high-powered laser, but he certainly didn't want to die.

He couldn't breathe, he could barely form a thought from how his mind was reeling.

And then suddenly Ed could feel the lines code that made up the ship, and their restraints that held his feet in place. He had no idea what he did, but the next moment, their restraints were gone.

The woman next to him instantly attacked the guards with a staff he had no idea where she got it from. The ship descended into chaos as the other programs joined in the melee, and then in altitude when one of the programs destroyed the ship's pilot with the disc on their back.

Ed didn't have a disc, or a staff, and he certainly didn't know anything about piloting... anything, really, but nobody had yet realized that their ship was about to crash. So he carefully skirted the edge of their cabin to the controls.

A joystick. Really Flynn? Murder on his wrist. Joy of joys.

Ed... tried to keep them flying, but he had never been good at video games, and he really didn't have time to do much but pull up and lessen the impact when they crashed into the mountainside.

The next thing he knew, he was face down in the snowy, barren wasteland outside the city. When he rolled over to see his surroundings, the recognizer was a fair distance away (he see it clearly: blessedly, his glasses weren't broken in the crash). He must have been thrown out one of the broken windows in the crash. His ears rang, and Ed was certain he was both bleeding and concussed.

There was someone else lying in the snow, thankfully a distance away, but Ed had no idea what happened to the rest of the programs on the ship.

He knew he should get moving, in case any of the guards survived, but Ed needed a moment to recover before he attempted anything else.

((Ooooh, awesome, thank you so very much!))

Living on the Grid was hazardous nowadays, especially for a Renegade. Ark specialized in causing trouble for the Occupation, but knew that it was going to catch up with her one of these cycles.

She had been pulling another one of her self-assigned missions, when the sky had lit up in a way she hadn't seen in countless cycles.

A User was rezzing into the Grid.

Unfortunately, the beam of light distracted her long enough for the Occupation to catch up to her.

Badly outnumbered, Ark decided to save her strength for better odds.

She was loaded into a Recognizer, along with quite a few other programs.

A short time later, someone was loaded in next to her, someone with strange clothes she had never seen before. Was he the User? Or just a program with a quirky style? Was odd fashion a good enough reason for him to be arrested?

As she analyzed him, all of a sudden, him, her, and everyone else was free.

She took advantage of the surprise and chaos, and immediately leapt into action. Fortunately, they hadn't searched her too well in the confusion over the beacon, so her staff had remained with her.

Bolstered by the knowledge that there was likely a User among them, she fought hard, joined in by all the other prisoners on the ship.

The battle didn't last long before everything exploded.

Ark was flung out of the Recognizer and away from it, falling into the snow.

She wasn't out long, the cold stinging and bringing her back conscious, her circuits coming back online.

Using her staff to help, she pulled herself up and started looking around for any survivors.

She saw someone in the snow and started making her way towards them, using her staff as a walking stick while she still got her bearings.

[lixenn]

I really wanna read your fic and start engaging in the fandom more especially with oc stuff but I am so so scared bc of past experiences and fear possibly offending someone... Plus reading is actively hard for me due to untreated ADHD... Do you maybe have a tip of how i could start small? I see people i follow mention you quite often.

Wow, it’s so sweet that you came to me for advice anon! 🥺🥺 I feel super honored and very flattered that you want to read my story. I’m going to try my best to help you out 💪🏼(also great job on reaching out, have a gold star ⭐)

This might be a bit long I hope that’s okay (I ramble a lot, I apologize in advance). I will also structure this in parts so it’s not as overwhelming.

---

Engagement in fandom

I feel you Anon, interacting with people is hard. I’ve lurked on tumblr for years before I recently crawled out of my gremlin cave and started to actually talk to fandom folk. But worry not, Lix is here to help! I like gamifying difficult aspects of life (looking at you chores), so I have come up with this analogy:

Approach interaction like you are in a game with different levels. Here are some levels I made up (of course you can always adjust however you want)

Level 0 just scrolling through posts, no interaction at all

Level 1 Liking posts

Level 2 Reblogging posts without tags or text

Level 3 Reblogging posts with general tags

Level 4 Reblogging posts with personal tags

Level 5 Reblogging posts with your own text plus tags or Replying to posts

Level 6 Participation in ask games as anon

Level 7 Participation in ask games with anon off

How does it work?

You establish your baseline: for example you are usually at Level 1

You set a goal you want to achieve: for example you want to participate in ask games with anon off

You then start the game by taking a babystep into the next level: in this example you start reblogging posts with no tags or text (so level 3)

You spend some time on the next level until you are comfortable with doing this sort of interaction

Then you go to the next level

Repeat this until you have reached your level goal

Again this is just an example of how you can approach fandom interaction. I just wanted to show you that taking babysteps for interaction is totally okay!

There’s no need to immediately jump into a full on fandom discussion about your favourite character. Break the huge goal into small parts to make it less overwhelming (I’m sure I’m not the first person telling you this 😅). Also it’s totally fine if there are set backs, some days replying to posts might feel like the biggest chore on this planet and there’s no need to force yourself into doing it! Keep your own pace, this is not a sprint, but a marathon Anon! And I’m here to cheer you on!

How to interact

So, you have reached the level of interaction where you actively engage with other people. Congrats! ✨🎉You are doing great. But now you are stomped on how to interact, which again here are a couple options:

Ask questions. Honestly, that was how I started interacting and it’s still my go-to these days. Asking questions shows that you are invested, that you are curious and writers, artist and bloggers appreciate these kind of interactions a lot. I like questions about my ocs because they often help with character building and sometimes it even inspires a scene for me to write. It’s great! You can also just start small here, it doesn’t need to be deep. You can ask about an ocs favourite colour or just how the writing is going or if the other person likes cats. For real, even small mundane questions make my day, go wild!

Compliments. You see a fanart and think it’s beautiful? Put that in the tags! You like the vibe of this one oc? You can write that in a reblog. Again, start small and it doesn’t need to be poetry, a simple “I like this!” is fine and dandy!

As for the offending bit…

I can also understand the fear of offending, especially if you had bad experiences. For me it’s mostly anxiety that fucks me over.

But I think unless you dabble into super controversial topics you shouldn’t be too scared. Just present everything respectfully or as a headcanon, then you should be good to go (people can disagree with your headcanons but that doesn’t make it offensive, it’s just a difference in opinion).

Furthermore if you are scared of doing something the other person won't like you can always reach out in DMs to clarify if they are comfortable if you ask something with xy topic.

Also keep in mind that people might not instantly reply back. Maybe they don’t have the spoons, maybe irl is being a bitch, maybe they are on vacation with spotty internet, maybe their laptop exploded or maybe they simply have a goldfishbrain like me and forgot. The possibilities are endless but that doesn’t mean they hate you. I know the nasty little voice in the back of our heads often try to convince ourselves of that but it’s not true, people are sometimes just busy.

Reading

Now, I don’t have ADHD so I’m not sure if I can give good advice here, but I will try my best!

You could start with short works if you struggle with longer stories. Oneshots are great! So are works with short chapters. Shameless self promo here: My fanfic the Varia Housekeeping survival guide (short the Guide) has super short chapters (most are one DIN A4 page).

Of course you can always split up chapter into chunks. There’s no need to read 5K works in one sitting. Take your time. If the format bothers you, maybe you prefer reading in a certain font, then you can also just copy the text in a document and change it to something you can easily read (as long as you just use that copy for your own private purposes, it should be fine.)

Some popular fanfics also have podfics if the actual reading bit is hard on you, that limits your options a bit but it’s a way to start.

---

Well, this got long as hell. I hope any of these ramblings are useful to you and that I didn’t totally overwhelm you with text.

Stay strong Anon! You can do the people thing! I believe in you!

[bonesandthebees]

Spruce not reading honey and tangerines made me remember i got like halfway through before losing all my ao3 tabs and never finishing it 😭 i’ll have to go back and find where i was soon

Also one of my only thoughts after burning gold was literally just “wow tallulah covering her eyes for moat of the fic? She really is just like her father”

Also also WF WF WF MY BELOVED clinic and stars will always have a special place in my heart but sbi’s fight after wilbur said he knew why tommy left at the syndicate meeting will always have a special place in my heart, i re-read it sometimes just for fun

Every once in a while i’ll also remember i was here when the last few chapters of clinic weren’t out yet and then i’ll feel old

I vividly remember checking if clinic had updated, it had, and it was the chapter where puffy came and visited tommy and brought him cinnamon rolls and revealed she was a former-hero

And then i remember being here for all of wf, and reading stars when it only had one chapter and then forgetting about it until it was finished 😭

I can picture so clearly in my head checking wf one day at dinner, i had only read the first chapter a while back and hadn’t kept up, there was now five chapters and i was so excited. I was eating tacos. I kept up with wf updates after that

Sorry for the ramble, everyone’s recent asks have reminded me of a lot of things lmao, still debating if i should re-read stars and i’m so very close to giving in

- 🪐

NOOOO I ACCIDENTALLY INCLUDED THE COVERING EYES BIT AGAIN THIS TIME WITH TALLULAH I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE why do I keep doing this

the fact that you reread that painful fight in wf for fun certainly says something /j (it was such a fun scene to write I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much)

damn you've been around for that long?? you're really an og saturn anon. I remember when I wrote that clinic chapter with puffy and tommy talking after he'd been kidnapped and that conversation ended up being so much longer than I meant it to be. I was so frustrated bc it meant I had to put off the crimeboys reconciliation convo by another chapter and I wanted to write that one so bad, but the puffy tommy convo was so good and flowed so well so I couldn't be too upset

looking back on when wf was updating feels a bit like a fever dream for me bc 1) I wrote most of it during the winter quarter of my senior year of college. we'd gone back to in person for fall quarter after a full year of online bc covid, but then winter had a surge of covid cases again so almost all my classes went BACK online but I had one optional in person class once a week. so I had a lot of free time to write and would spend entire days in a campus coffee shop writing wf 2) sirentwt happened while I was writing wf. that was certainly a Time

anyway i love that you remember you were eating tacos when you noticed wf had 5 chapters up now. I remember I kept trying new drinks at the coffee shop every day when I went there to write but none of it was very good but it was a student run place that had really nice vibes so I became a regular anyway

[angelkurenai]

Imagine going hiking and Dean accidently hearing you sing to the mountains, and he's desperate to find an owner to such beautiful voice.

“If you ask me, it's rather obvious what we're dealing here with and it won't take much time. But it's always to be better safe than sorry, so I'm thinking we should head once more to-” Sam's rambling was cut short as he looked up from his small notebook only to realize his brother wasn't paying the slightest attention to him “Dean?” he asked without really expecting, or getting, a reaction.

And as if that wasn't enough, he didn't seem to be willing to hide it in the least bit, his eyes trained on his food with a deep frown set on his face as he played around with it. It was that exact fact, and the one that most of his plate was still full which was very concerning if Sam took into consideration that this was his brother that wasn't eating, besides the lack of concentration or talking from his part that prevented Sam from teasing him or even trying to act angry at his brother's clear lack of interest in the case, or anything else if he really thought about it.

“Dean?” he tried to insist once more without much result.

“Dean!” this time it got his brother to blink his eyes several times and get back to reality and Sam didn't know whether it was the tone in his voice or the fact that he had to snap his finger's in front of Dean's face. So long as it got the job done.

“Wh- huh what?” Dean frowned at his brother, voice more gruff than it should be and Sam assumed that the lack of sleep was showing on both his face and voice now.

“I-” he parted his lips but stopped himself from saying anything for a couple seconds “Are you ok, Dean? You've been a little off almost ever since last night. You got... lost in the woods and after I found you, you've been acting... weird.”

“Look-” Dean sighed a little agitated “If you wanna test me, I'm right here, do your thing. But as I told you last night and this morning, at least three times, I have not been abducted or possessed or enchanted or anything. Not in a supernatural way at least.” again another sigh as he looked away “Don't give me that look, ok? It's annoying. Besides, I told you, I got a little distracted yesterday but that's al-”

“Distracted?” Sam raised an eyebrow “You got distracted in the freaking mountains? By what? The shape of the rocks?”

“I mean-” he paused, shrugging almost childishly and definitely unconvincingly in a way he did more often than not when there was something that he was hiding Sam, something not life threatening or dangerous, and that made Sam relax a bit more “Rocks are pretty interesting dude.” and that, they both knew, was his lamest excuse that Sam found himself relaxing a lot more to the point he chuckled.

“Wow that's-” Sam blinked several times “That's too much, even for you. No, seriously, are you going to tell me what it was? Because I know real well I was the only one looking for our monster on that mountain but you had not been busy admiring rocks.”

“What are you gonna start judging my hobbies now? It's so bad, all of a sudden, that I find new interests but you can have any nerdy hobby you want in this family?” Dean fended himself weakly, apparently, because of the loo Sam gave him. That made Dean sigh and roll his eyes. “Look, it was nothing dude. It's hard to explain, yes, but I'm completely fine and I am completely me. Just drop it, alright? Get back on the case and rambling, I'll try to keep up and get back on track soon.” hard to explain didn't even begin to cover it in his mind, mostly because it wasn't all easy to explain with logic and therefore his mind wasn't the only player in this game; it was his heart too.

How could he even begin to explain to Sam that he had gotten so distracted by someone singing? How could he even begin to describe that he had really been that enchanted, that mystified, but it was really not in a supernatural way? He couldn't say that he had gotten carried away listening to the woman, it was clearly a female voice, sing so beautifully he had almost forgotten his name, not to mention the reason why he was in the mountains to begin with. He couldn't say that he had even dreamed of said voice, singing to him the same song he had heard yesterday in the mountains and could clearly remember the lyrics to even now. Maybe also because he had looked for it up, though he would never admit to it, just like he wouldn't admit that he hadn't fund any of the singers (covers or not) to be able to match up to the voice he heard.

All the shine of a thousand spotlights All the stars we steal from the nightsky Will never be enough Never be enough Towers of gold are still too little These hands could hold the world but it'll Never be enough Never be enough

It was his favorite part and he couldn't even believe he had a favorite part.

He couldn't admit that he had been trying to put a face to that voice so bad, he couldn't admit that he had been wondering and needing and aching to hear more of the singing, more of the voice, in the same and different songs. He couldn't admit that he had felt all the things he did just by hearing a song, he couldn't admit that the emotion put in the lyrics by the singer had also affected him this much. He couldn't admit that the reason he had been late and that had made Sam look for him, thinking he had been lost or worse, was because Dean had spent all that time looking for the person behind the voice. He could feel the heat of the blush down to his neck at the thought that it looked like something out of the cheesiest fairytale but it had been true, more true than he too could believe, and so were his feelings so he could defend them if need be. But he wasn't looking for an excuse for that.

Besides, he felt moody enough – and disappointed – this morning that he didn't feel up to explaining everything to his brother.

“Right now, I'm just sleepy that's all.” he mumbled, slightly as an afterthought but mostly to try to keep himself focused “Seems I-” he paused briefly, looking around the cafe and pursing his lips in a way that showed his displeasure “Haven't had my coffee yet. Or enough of it.”

Big mistake, because the moment his stopped their path around the small cafe and landed back on his brother, he saw the realization dawn on him. His eyebrows raise slightly and if it wasn't for the knowing quirk of his lips and the relaxed expression on both his body and face he might have thought for just a second that he was off the hook. Clearly, he wasn't.

“So that's what it is huh?” Sam asked before shaking his head with a laugh. He didn't know, of course, but that was no better yet. Because he didn't know the one reason out of the two to his lack of focus. “You like her that much huh?”

“What?” he said it through a mouthful that he took a little too fast to avoid looking at his brother but oh well. His brother figured one of the two reasons in 0.5 seconds so any effort would be in vain.

As long as he didn't know how saddened he was by

“You know what.” the smile on Sam's lips only got bigger “That waitress we met two days ago, the one that works here and the reason why you're here for everyday ever since. And don't try to deny it, you're terrible at it today.” he crossed his arms over his chest and looked at him despite Dean's best (read: worst) effort to avoid eye-contact and give anything away by eating as much as he could.

“I really don't get what you're trying to say, Sam. I mean-” he laughed, nervously, as he tried to swallow over his food because of the look his brother gave him “I haven't even managed to look up from my plate. How could I have noticed (Y/n)'s not here this morning even though her shift has supposedly started half an hour ago? I haven't-” but Dean paused when he noticed the surprise on Sam's face and realized his mistake.

“Honestly?” Sam tried to keep himself from laughing but as expected failed “It's really best if you eat instead of speak. Wow.” he blinked, shaking his head “Well, at least that explains it.”

Dean's lips parted as he prepared to speak back and defend at least what was left of his dignity but then all words died out in his lips when he heard the small laugh next to him that he knew all-too-well and that he would have been too embarrassed to hear in such a situation so close, especially after what had been said, but he was too relieved to care about that. Besides, he was going to make Sam pay for it by, oh let's say, ask him to stay a day or two or ten after the case was over as a favor for all this.

“Honestly if I had known I'd be this sought after I might have asked for a raise sooner.” he heard your voice and noticed you filling up his cup before he looked up to see you there and felt his smile become ten times bigger when he saw you looking at him with a soft smile of yours “Hey Dean.” he took great pleasure in the few seconds of you just focusing on him until Sam cleared his throat and you snapped out of it and smiled, albeit a little apologetically, at Sam “Hello Sam.”

“Good morning, (Y/n). Seems like you've been running a bit late today according to my brother here, everything alright?”

“Oh absolutely fine, it's just that some mornings I tend to help in the kitchen when the cook's running late you see.” you explained “I hope everything is to your liking so far?” you asked but your eyes once more trailed to Dean and with a smile on his face Sam nodded his head with a hum.

“Just great, though I think the company is not to someone's preference today. I might have to leave early, visit the library and all, you think you can keep Dean some company?” he asked so innocently, yet not to Dean who knew him, which only made the older Winchester's head snap in his direction faster than ever before; eyes wide in horror.

“Oh I'm sure I could spend my break with him, no problem, though it might be quick. We have the weekly karaoke night tonight so I might have some extra work to do. If that's alright?” you asked hopefully.

“Karaoke night? Didn't know you had that.” Dean blinked and you nodded your head.

“Yeah, the cafe obviously works at night and we make sure to organize karaokes and parties at least three times a week. This month boss is more busy so we're down to once a week but that doesn't stop me or any of the customers from taking over the stage till the early morning. You could-” you paused to glance at a couple who asked to pay at a table nearby and gave them a nod “You could always come by then too? If you're free.” you suggested softly and Dean didn't even hesitate to give a nod which made you beam at him.

“Lovely.” you said “If you'll excuse me for a second, I got work to do but I'll be right back. And if you need anything else just ask.”

“Well that went better than you could have expected or achieved on your own to be honest. So-” Sam paused to give his brother a smile “Your welcome.”

“Better? Oh really? Why didn't you tell her 'Hey (Y/n) my brother's an idiot and too much of a coward to ask you out, why don't you do it yourself?' huh? That would have been less desperate.” Dean only glared.

“Alright, I'll try that next time.” Sam simply shrugged, focusing back on his noted before Dean had the chance to say anything else. The older Winchester only rolled his eyes and with a shake of his head and feeling much more light went to actually eating an enjoying his food.

Without the distraction of his thoughts and worries about your absence he could admit it was much easier. Certainly, there was always the mystery girl in his mind and her signing that he couldn't get over much as he tried but it wasn't as if he could do anything about it anymore. Miracles didn't happen and it was already very close to that that you had agreed to spend your break with him like in a date, alright he hoped it was like that and that was maybe an even greater miracle than finding the owner of the voice. He couldn't just walk around the town looking for her nor could sit here and expect her to start singing out of nowh-

His thoughts – and he was pretty sure, breathing and entire fuctioning-like-a-human-being – came to a startling halt when he heard it. First a very low murmur but then sure some words, a tune, lyrics to a song with a voice and tone he recognized all too well... he realized like a fool from two places. The mountain and this very cafe.

Slowly but also with a sort of giddiness he couldn't explain, he turned in his seat to look behind him in the direction from which the singing was coming from and he wasn't surprised, only because he really felt in shock anymore, to realize that it was coming from your direction and even more specifically from you. You were singing and you were singing that very same song in the very same way as you were cleaning the table after the couple had left.

“Never enough”

Well, maybe miracles did happen.

[saltiestcoconut]

Thank you for tagging me @offlineblues !

Let's keep up the tradition and shove it under a read more lmao

I ain't gonna tag— fuck it @4lmog @shifuto get your asses in here you too @mewhoismyself

Last song:

Last movie/show:

(let's pretend that prev's last song didn't instantly make me crave listening to) MORNING LIGHT HYMNUS oh my god is this song such a banger and an absolutely gorgeous love song (it's perfectly named too since the song is dedicated to a character whose name means morning star) ugh this song is so raw it's hard to believe that it's one of belials theme songs of all things (granted it's avatar belials theme but it's still belial) with lyrics as raw as its too hard to describe the million lonely nights without you | someday we shall meet once more (how much longer must I wait?) | a sea of love, tides of hate lie before us / drown in my soul, give yourself all to me, and wander no more | I need you back besides me, hollow fool that I am | grant me just one wish I beg, please take your servant's hand... Oh my god just kill me now this is peak romance it speaks to my very soul imagine someone feeling that intensely for you . . . (Yes I wanted an excuse to talk about this song I just love it so much)

Favorite Color:

I have a few favorite colors like blue purple black white gold is a pretty color too there's a lot of pretty colors out there too it's on a case by case basis surely

I watched that demon slayer movie with my sister last month! Yay I actually watched something semi recently lmao (it was really fun she got us tickets to the 4D version (it wasn't in 3d unfortunately) where the chairs moved so I affectionately called it the rollar coaster simulator lmao) I should really watch the what fourth season? Sis and I were confused cause it literally opened in the middle of an arc so naturally we were missing some information lmao (can y'all believe my sis watched the newest season without me (again) unbelievable) other than that I think the last show I watched was go rush? My laptop is acting up so I can't watch shows even if I wanted to . . . (my charger broke too so I can't use it while charging even if I wanted to)

Sweet / spicy / savory

Def a big fan of spicy but I like savory and sweet things too I probably have a higher sweet tolerance than some people maybe idk my sweet dislikes is pretty long . . .

Relationship status:

It's complicated (the only thing complicated about it is my feelings about romance in general lmao)

Last Search:

Morning light hymnus pokemon legends arceus on eBay I wanted to check to see if the steel book is affordable (it is)

Current obsession:

Granblue Fantasy 100% it's consumed my life why must a gacha game beat out my card game (gacha) obsession it's kinda funny— within gbf itself the archangels and dragon knights definitely I love vane he's the best malewife (I can make a malewife out of lucifer or sandalphon five bucks) (belial is already a malewife don't gotta do anything to him it's in his being)

Wow I rambled a lot if you read through it all thank you for listening to my insane ramblings!

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER ASK GAME

tagged by @pocketsonny ♡ thank you!

i ramble on too much, so i'll make it a read more! here goes~

TAGGING in advance (if you want)

@armos @fleury @saltiestcoconut @gntk

Last Song

i've been listening to MMBN's OST for around 2 weeks straight. i would really like to play this game soon, since i bought the collection on sale for 50% off~ (looks at @pocketsonny who keeps nudging me to play as well by talking excitedly about it)

Net Battle and Fire Field are so good...

Favorite Color

i really like gray the most, i think. i really like rose pink, lavender and lilac purple, flowery yellow, and soft blue and mild green a lot as well! something like this?

i also love the colors of the sunrise, the sunset, and the galaxy

Last Movie / Show

the last movie i saw became my favorite movie! i watched it with @xx-moonluster-xx and @duelofai !

i had a lot of fun. Nausicaä's messages of decay and rebirth were so wonderful. also i love the gentle giant bugs and the extraordinary fantasy world they created (it was so beautiful and the OST is so good too)

otherwise, i've been rewatching FMAB in a group with 3 people after 12 years. it used to be my favorite series a long long time ago, so i'm really happy to watch it now that i'm older and understand the world from another perspective (and thus, understand and resonate with the grim reality this series often times presents)

Sweet / Spicy / Savory

Relationship Status

spicy, definitely! savory is always good! i'm not the biggest fan of sweet!

@armos and i celebrated our 10 years dating anniversary in January!!

Last Search

Current Obsession

definitely not the movie and show official art above—

this will be random, but, lots of people on twt have been posing and dressing up the new plush Yusaku, so i've been itching to see them in new and fun ways. isn't he adorable? i just want to squeeze him (shows you mine i bought for my partner)

additionally, i've been playing a lot of Blue Rescue Team again lately (i have almost 500 hours on record) because i'm trying to recruit them all! it's a bit of a task, though. there's tons of 1% encounters and they can take a long time to get lucky and join you. (pictured: me recruiting all 1% encounters at once in Howling Forest somehow)

[revasserium]

beauty as a perspective (or a study of truth through the lens of a boy who has always believed in fairy-tales)

anon: And it is beautiful with Hinata First love with kageyama? Please :) 

101. and it is beautiful hinata ; 1.8k words

there are so many things he considers to be beautiful -- the sunrise, the sunsets, the way the moon lingers on the horizon after a whole midsummer’s night, like it’s waiting for the first rays of sunlight to spill across the world, the way the stars are relentless in their twinkling, as if emboldened by the darkness that beholds their very beings -- that they are made all the brighter by night’s all-consuming dark. 

there are other things too -- a well-aimed spike, crystal cut and down the line, right next to the pole, a perfectly arched toss, slow enough for thought, but too fast for the opponents to follow, the double-rolling saves that noya-sempai had promised to teach him and still hasn’t gotten around to, the way a clean sneaker sounds against the well-waxed floor of a freshly cleaned gym, the sound of a volleyball meeting skin, the flutter of a net, the chorus of voices as it echoes towards the ceiling. 

the cheers of the crowds when a point gets scored. when a match is won. 

the weight of happiness, so light and yet so, so heavy too, enough to make his bones feel like they’re filled with gold or silver or maybe magic itself. he thinks there’s nothing more beautiful than playing... and winning. 

until he meets you. 

your name breezes through him like a summer wind through wheat, leaving no part of him unruffled and untouched, all this thoughts tangled and out of ordered, but so beautifully so. he watches you go like a child watching the end of a really good dream, powerless to stop it, but still with the naïve hope that perhaps, if he just kept his eyes open (or closed) for a moment longer, maybe, just maybe you’ll stay -- 

“hinata-kun, its your turn to help clean the classrooms.” 

he snaps out of his reverie (did you know that’s the word for daydream in french? how fitting, right? and when tsukki had asked, drop-jawed and all, where the hell hinata had learned such a thing, all he could do was shrug and blush and say he’d read it somewhere -- to tsukki’s compounded shock and confoundment), the teacher is watching him with a hiked eyebrow, and half the class was giggling. but you, you’re standing next to his desk with a sweet, expectant smile and he’s lost all over again. 

(who was he, anyway? before he knew what your smile looked like? what your voice sounds like? what the color of your hair was beneath the morning sun, or in the golden glow of dusk?) 

“let’s do our best, hm?” you offer him your hand. 

hinata had never wished for after class chores to last forever, but he has now. 

he doesn’t know how you get onto the topic of volleyball, but it always ends up there somehow... with him -- and he finds himself rambling like he always does when he’s nervous, blabbing out an invite because yeah! it’s pretty cool! and there’s a practice match today! and oh, yeah! i’m on the starting lineup and of course you can come watch! i’m super awesome y’know! -- 

and then the horrifying, daunting realization that he’s going to have to play. with you watching him. with your eyes, like pools of amber so deep and clear they remind him of melted caramel during the holiday school fairs, with your smile like tasting a favorite treat after a long, hard day’s practice, with your laughter and your voice like -- like -- 

“what’s this? hinata’s brought a friend?” there’s something in the texture of suga-sempai’s voice that hinata isn’t sure he likes but he’s too nervous to call it out at the moment. instead, he tries desperately to explain why the hell he’d brought you along, not that he’s really sure either, other than the fact that he doesn’t ever want you to leave his sight ever again in his whole life but, well, he can’t really say that out loud without sounding like a freak -- 

“uh -- it’s not -- i mean, yeah! we’re friends! i think so at least -- well anyway -- ahhhhh -- she likes volleyball and there’s a practice match today and i told her she could come and watch cause i’m really awesome at it and she just moved here from tokyo, or actually she stayed in france for a while before that! can you believe it? hey -- wait do you know kenma from nekoma? they’re from tokyo too, right --?” 

kageyama fixes him with a flatlined look even as you smile. 

“she’s not from the same school, idiot.” 

hinata puffs up as he turns to kageyama but thankfully, daichi is there to pull them apart before things get really nasty. he flashes you a sincere and somewhat apologetic grin. 

“ah, thanks for coming. you can find a seat up there, and uhm -- welcome to karasuno.” 

hinata finds himself watching you go (he nearly yells when you wave at him from the second level, that is until kageyama elbows him so hard in the side he actually does yell). 

“focus, boke!” 

“shut up, crappyama!” 

“ha? what did you say?” 

“both of you, quiet!” 

they both flinch at the sound of daichi’s voice. 

but hinata can’t help stealing another glance towards you, thinking that this feels different, somehow. different than all the other practice matches he’s played before. it’s like his vision is sharper, all his senses on high alert -- he can smell the sweat on his teammates’ skin, can see each spec of light as it refracts off of the newly waxed gym floors, can feel the weight of your eyes on him like a superhero’s cloak -- beautiful and full of responsibility. 

and he plays well that day, he thinks -- got a few really solid quick’s in, and he only messed up on two of his serves, which, all things considered, is probably a record low for him. kageyama only yelled at him five times, also on the low side. 

they manage to scrape a win, and it was mostly asahi-san’s doing -- noya-sempai being awesome as ever, too. still, he thinks it’s been a good day. he almost forgets that you’re watching for a while, but only for a while, and as the match draws to a close, he’s again keenly aware of your eyes on him. 

he turns to grin up at you, shooting you a thumbs up. he finds you no longer sitting, but standing by the railings, your eyes huge and happy as you wave down at him. there’s a flush to your face that makes him want to walk off a bridge right into a very, very cold river but he shelves that thought for later as you make your way down the stairs, jogging right up to him, your smile so brilliant he thinks he might go blind if he stared too long. 

he blinks, still dripping sweat down his now very wet uniform. 

“shouyou! you were amazing! i mean, you are amazing --!” 

he almost jolts at your use of his given name, but then he remembers you asking (because you liked the sound of it or something; he’d forgotten what you said after that cause he was too busy marinating in the fact that you liked the sound of his name) if you could call him that. and him saying yes. 

“for a while there it looked like you were flying, like really flying!” 

he nods along with your excitement, his smile growing so wide his cheeks are starting to hurt and god, what what happen if he just kept on smiling wider and wider? what would happen to his face? would it stretch and keep on stretching? or maybe he’ll accidentally split his face in half and have to get stitches from the hospital, which wouldn’t be fun but for you, he thinks, it’s worth it. 

“y-yeah! cool! right?” he leaps ups as if to illustrate, but as with all things he does on a spur of the moment impulse, it doesn’t go quite as planned. he ends up smacking his head on the doorframe of double gym doors, leaving him whining, curled up into a ball on the ground, and you kneeling by his side. 

“shouyou? are -- are you okay? oh my god, what happened?” 

he winces as he pushes himself up into a sitting position, grinning awkwardly up at you. 

“i wanted to show you!” 

“show me what?” 

“what it looks like to fly!” 

tanaka is fussing over hinata, loudly asking if he’ll get a concussion while tsukki is remarking to that getting a concussion might be good for him; noya and tanaka are both laughing so hard they’re also curled up on the ground. 

you giggle, “save some flying for next time.” 

“for... next time?” 

“yeah, for the next time you play.” 

“will... will you be there?” 

you smile, nodding, offering him a hand. 

“if you want me to be.” 

“yes! yeah -- oh man, i do! i really really --” 

“good, then i’ll be there.” 

“aahh, that’s amazing! super great! ahhhh i’m so --- mmmm -- i’m so happy!” 

he leaps up and is about to jump up again before he realizes you hadn’t let go of his hand yet. 

he blinks, heat washing up his face like jumping head-first into a steaming onsen. 

“hey! you said you’d save some for next time, right?” 

hinata laughs, “right -- for next time.” 

you give his hand a squeeze before letting go, turning to greet his teammates. hinata watches you, like he’s been doing from the second he’d set eyes on you a week and a half ago, when you’d introduced yourself to the class. 

like when he’d all too enthusiastically volunteered to show you around the school, like when the pair of you had stopped in the library, and you’d run your fingers along the spines of all the books like greeting old friends. 

like when you flipped open a book of fairy-tales and traced the outline of a boy with melting wax wings, plummeting from the sky. 

“you know, i used to always daydream about flying as a kid,” you said. 

hinata quirked his head, “why?” 

you smiled, “dunno, seemed like a fun thing to do.” 

hinata smiled then too, “well, it’s not that hard.” 

you looked at him, “you... know how to fly?” 

“sure i do!” 

you laughed, then, but not a mocking kind of laugh -- a delighted, dancing kind of laugh that made hinata’s whole chest fill with hot air and helium. 

“you promise to show me some day?” 

hinata had nodded so hard his head might’ve come right off it’s hinges. 

“hey, what’s ‘daydream’ in french?” he asked. 

you blink at him, “reverie.” 

“wow... beautiful.” 

you laughed again, nodding, “it is, isn’t it?” 

and he decides then, watching as you smile at something suga-sempai says, as you quirk your head curiously at kageyama, making him flush a hilarious shade of crimson as well, that sure, there are a lot of beautiful things in this world. 

but none of them quite so beautiful as you. 

[grapesodatozier]

I Knew You’d Haunt All of My What-Ifs

madwheeler pining!! max is drunk and calls mike to drive her home. title from cardigan by taylor swift (yes it came out 17 hours ago and i have already named a fic after it lmao)

rating: teen and up

tags: underage drinking, almost confessions, high school, modern au, pining

words: 2,247

read on ao3 or below!!

The room only spun a little as Max washed her hands. Mostly it was a pleasant, fluid, buzzing feeling. It was warm and she grinned to herself as she swayed a bit. Parties were fun, but there was something about being drunk in a stranger’s bathroom that made her giggle. It was just fun, and it was the point when she realized how truly far gone she was.

Once out, she quickly found her friends in the throng of people in the crowded house. They were friends she’d made in class and known for a few years, and they were getting a few parties in before they went their separate ways for college. Max really liked them, but she had her doubts about how well the relationships would hold up after college. The only people she was really sure she’d always be friends with were the other party members. Still, she liked these girls, they were nice and funny and went to parties that her closest friends were too shy to go to, so she wanted to make sure she got some time in with them now. 

“Max,” one of them, Katie, said, “I think we’re gonna head out now, do you have a way to get home?”

Shit. No, that had slipped Max’s mind. She knew if she asked that the other girls would walk her home, but they all lived on the complete other side of town, and she didn’t want to triple their walk. “Yeah, my friend’s picking me up,” she lied. “I’ll see you soon?” And then they were all hugging her goodbye and disappearing.

Max sighed and waited a bit before heading outside. She may have been better than the rest of the party at socializing, but she would never be a mingler, and most of the people at this party she hoped to never see again. So she walked to the curb and sat at the edge of the property, grateful for the fresh air that filled her lungs and cooled her heated cheeks. She pulled out her phone; it was nearly one in the morning. She knew that in the grand scheme of things, any of her friends would be happy to help her out—a party member requires assistance, yada yada, sweet nerd sentiments. Still, she felt bad calling so late. So she wasn’t quite sure why she was calling the person who would express that annoyance most freely, but the phone was already ringing.

“Max?” Mike’s confused voice came through on the second or third ring. He sounded so cute. As much as sober Max would never admit it, she really did love Mike’s voice. Even when he was whining he sounded kind of adorable, especially when it was over something small.

“Heyyy,” Max drawled, giggling a bit. Okay, so maybe she was a little drunker than she had thought. 

“Oh my god, are you drunk?” Mike asked, exasperated.

“Maybe a little.”

She could hear Mike sigh. “And you’re drunk calling me why?”

Max’s heart was racing now. She shouldn’t be asking this, but it was too late, and the thought of seeing Mike, of being alone with him this late at night had too strong a pull for her drunk self to resist. “I kind of need a ride home. If you’re up, that is, if you’re in bed it’s fine, don’t worry about it.” As her cheeks heated up, she began to ramble: “Honestly, actually, I should just walk, it’s not that far—”

“Where are you?” Mike cut her off. Max leaned over and found the green street sign, reading off the name. “Max, that’s like a forty minute walk from your house, you’re not doing that by yourself at night while drunk. I’ll be there in like five or ten minutes, okay? Just stay there.” 

“Okay,” Max said. She figured she wasn’t in any position to tell him not to tell her what to do, and she found that she didn’t want to. 

She lay back when she heard him hang up, staring up at the stars to pass time. It made her smile to remember what Mike had said, that he wasn’t willing to let her walk home by herself. She knew that he cared about her, but hearing him make it so explicitly clear had her blushing and grinning up at the stars like a middle schooler. 

The time became liquid as she thought about Mike while absently tearing at the grass beneath her. She began to worry that he would be mad at her. But when his car rolled to a stop beside her, he was climbing out of it immediately, calling her name as he rushed to her side. “Max? Max, oh my god, are you okay?”

Max giggled as she smiled up at him, still lying in the grass. “I’m super,” she grinned. The world spun as she sat up, and she had to lean into Mike to not fall over again. His t-shirt was thin and soft under her fingers, and she could feel how warm his skin was under the fabric. It made her head swim, the thought of touching his chest, running her fingers over his skin, feeling his heartbeat under her palm. Her eyes focused on his neck as she caught her bearings again, then looked up into his eyes. The deep brown seemed to glow gold under the streetlight.

“You almost gave me a fucking heart attack!” Though his voice was chiding, he was incredibly gentle with her as he helped her up. Max smiled when she noticed the blue plaid pajama pants he had on. God, he was cute. “Don’t fucking lie on your back when you’re drunk, you could choke on your own vomit! I thought you were dead or passed out or something!”

“Aw, were you worried about me?” Max sing songed as she walked around to the passenger side. She tried to make it teasing, but the vodka softened it, revealing how touched she was by it. Blushing, she hastily climbed into the passenger seat to escape the look Mike was giving her.

“Of course I was worried about you,” he said as he got into the car beside her. His voice was exasperated, but much softer than it had been. Max busied herself with putting on her seatbelt so she wouldn’t have to look at him.

“Thank you for coming to get me,” she whispered as Mike started the car. “I’m sorry I made you come out.”

She shouldn’t have been, but she was surprised to hear Mike say, “Don’t be. I’m glad you called me.” 

“Yeah?”

“Of course! I don’t know what kind of friends you hang out with that would leave you at a party, but I’m glad you know I’m there for you even if they’re not.” 

“It was my fault,” Max explained, “I didn’t wanna make them walk me home and then walk all the way back, so I told them I had a ride.”

“They should’ve stayed with you. What if some creep had found you alone? What if you were drunker than they realized and went running off somewhere and got in trouble?”

Max was taken aback by the venom in Mike’s voice. Sure, she knew how protective he was—hell, it was pretty much his biggest defining trait—but he’d never directed it so fiercely at her. He chided her for taking turns too sharply, or being careless on her skateboard, but it was never with more than a shake of his head. But now she could see his fingers gripping the steering wheel just a little harder than he needed to. Now other people had been careless with Max, and apparently that made a world of difference for Mike. The realization made Max glow.

She looked at his face. He was watching the road. It was dark in the car, but she could make out his profile, illuminated by the street lamps and moonlight and the glows that came from the houses around them. His hair looked fluffier than usual, a little messy, and the fuzzy, liquid warmth that encompassed Max drove her to run her fingers through it. 

“Max!” Mike swatted at her, but he was laughing. “Stop it, I’m driving!”

“But it’s so soft!” Max giggled, resting her hand on Mike’s shoulder. God, Mike was cute. Why was he so cute? Why did he have to have such soft hair and such a nice voice? “So is your shirt,” she added, playing with the material between her fingers. She shivered as her knuckles brushed against the warm, soft skin of Mike’s neck. 

“Wow, you are drunk,” Mike grinned. There was a light blush in his cheeks that made Max want to kiss them. Luckily, she still had some self restraint. 

She didn’t want this moment to end. She so rarely got moments alone with Mike; she never knew how to ask for them. And now here they were, alone in a car on the deserted streets of their suburban town, college looming over them. She’d be in California soon, and while the warmth and the waves were a welcome future, she couldn’t help but mourn all of the memories she had here, all of the moves she’d never made. All of the maybes she’d never chased.

“Mike?” she said softly, her hand still on his shoulder.

He must’ve sensed the shift in the mood, as he was just as quiet as he gave a small, “Yeah?”

“You know I love you, right?” The words came spilling out. Not a confession, not the whole one, but nothing sober Max could ever find the words or the courage or the moment to say. “Like, I know I give you a hard time, but I love you. You’re a really good friend.”

Mike smiled the bashful smile that made Max’s heart flutter; he smiled like he’d never gotten a compliment before, like he couldn’t believe it. “You’re a good friend, too.” He didn’t say it back. It made Max sad for a moment, but she understood. Neither of them were good at explicit iloveyous, and he was sober. He was telling her he loved her by driving her home. Max understood the way he worked by now, so she was more than happy with what she got, really. But the melancholy, the time ticking down, it still weighed on her. 

“Will you still be my friend after college?” Max didn’t mean for her voice to be so watery, she really didn’t, and she wasn’t crying, but maybe her lower lip was shaking a little. 

For the first time since he’d started the car, Mike turned to look at her. He had the sweet little furrow between his brows, a calculating look in his eyes. Concern. He was looking at her and he cared, and Max wanted to melt into that feeling and stay there for as long as she could. “Of course we’ll still be friends,” he said. Max loved that passion that was in his voice, she loved hearing Mike talk about stuff he cared about, stuff he really meant. He had such a fire that stoked Max’s, and she liked to think she knew how to get him riled up as well. But that wasn’t what she wanted right now. What she wanted—well, what she wanted the vodka gave her. She leaned over the center console to rest her head on Mike’s shoulder. “Max, I’m driving,” he said, but it was half hearted this time, his voice soft, and he didn’t make her move. He took his turns gently, let her rest. Max closed her eyes and let it sink in: the way he smelled like laundry detergent; how warm and soft he was; the car vibrating softly around them. She tried not to kick herself for not seeking this out sooner.

Far too soon for her liking, they rolled up to her house. She sat up with a sigh, but she didn’t pull away. She didn’t look at Mike either. She just. Stayed for a moment before shifting back a bit to look at Mike. He looked so beautiful, even if it was dark in his car. She could see his eyes roaming over her face. The air was still, the houses all dark, no one on the street. It was like they were the only two people in the world. 

“Thanks for driving me home.” Her voice sounded all too loud as it broke the silence between them.

“Of course.” Mike surprised her by running his thumb lightly over her hand. God, Max wanted to know what his fingers would feel like laced between her own. “Text me in the morning to let me know you’re alive, okay?” he asked with a smile. Max rolled her eyes but grinned back at him. 

“As long as I’m not dead.” 

They stayed still another moment, Mike’s hand still just barely on hers. Leaning into the warm liquid courage, Max leaned forward and kissed Mike’s cheek, quick and panicked. Then she was saying goodnight and climbing out of his car, rushing inside. From her living room, she watched his car linger for a moment before pulling away. And as she brushed her teeth, and changed into her pajamas, and fell into bed, and lay awake, the whole time she felt the downy soft feeling of Mike’s skin tingling on her lips, the warmth of his blush spreading through her chest.

[vegetacide]

Tagged

Tagged by @gumnut-logic  :)

1. Would you rather accessorize with scarves or necklaces?

Scarves,  cause I like soft stuff to snuggle and hide my face in.

2. How old were you when you first saw mountains? (Or if you haven’t seen mountains, what do you imagine they’re like?)

Smokey Mountains on a road trip... erm.. in my mid teens I guess...

3. Do you make your bed in the morning?

It a habit I recently started when we first went on lock down to help me get my day started... prior to that.. hell no as I would just be crawling back into them later.

4. What type of stories did you like as a child?

Book wise when I was little.. anything my Dad would read to me at bedtime...As a teenager it was Sci-fi, fantasy and romance and hopefully all in the same book. 

5. What was the most exhilarating experience of your life?

Hmm ...no idea so will pick some at experience at random... sailing through a sun shower in St. Thomas on one of our honeymoon excursions to see sea turtles in their natural habitat. ...

Snorkeling for the first time in the ocean..

Skiing down a winter slope when I was a kid and somehow not managing to kill myself (I suck at skiing) 

First day we brought my daughter home from the hospital.. feels surreal as I sit here to think the 5 year old softly snoring beside me was once sooooo small and it was ONLY 5 SHORT YEARS AGO.  Dude, when they say the little years go by fast.. they weren’t kidding..

Oh.. and of course walking down the isle and somehow not tripping over my feet and face planting in front of my family and friends as I was shaking like a leaf caught in a hurricane having a mild panic attack and worried I was going to fuck up somehow.

Okay, so the last one was more terrified than exhilarating but.. meh...

6. Do you agree with the concept of exotic pets?

Here in North America... if the thing was born in the wild.. it should stay in the wild...unless under the extreme circumstances of animal rescue when the animal can’t be returned to the wild..   If it was breed in captivity and is not on the endangered species list and wont eat you or rip your face off...say like a hedge hog which is oddly enough considered exotic where I am.. then its okay but only if the owner can provide a loving, healthy home.  (wolf hybrids,  tigers, ligers, and other exotic large cats are the exceptions as no one can care for them properly unless specialized training has taken place and you have like a billion acres of land for them...basically any animal that has not been domesticate over hundreds of years ... leave em alone... )

7. Describe your feelings about maths.

Necessary evil...enough said. 

8. When was the last time you finished a book?

Do audio books count? If so.. in March right before lock down.  Listened to a lot of books on my travels to and from work..   Currently I am able to actually pick up a hard copy and I am working my way through Crazy, Rich Asians.   Good book!

9. What’s a small way that you’ve been kind recently?

All the things I have done recently have just been what is expected of a normal human being with responsibilities so I cant really say.. erm.. made an extra meat loaf for my Dad so I know he is eating well... collected his beer bottles for return cause they just started excepting them again.. 

Started making my husband lunch as he was recalled to work... Do his laundry cause he usually does it for himself...

I haven’t really be out much in the world lately and as I said.. basic stuff. 

10. What new hobby/activity have you always wanted to try?

And got to the bottom and I think I fucked this up... oh well.. lmao.. so on to the questions I was supposed to answer...ooopppsss..  gonna leave the other answers above cause I spent the time to write em.. 

Oooh, and now I have to ask questions…

1. If you could go anywhere, where would you go?  

Falling Lakes aka  Plitvice Lakes National Park  in Croatia cause it looks beautiful and would be the closest thing on Earth to being in a fantasy novel..  

2. Favourite pasta shape?  

No favourite shape.. just spoon sized cause spaghetti is messy

3.What do you need to do everyday to keep your mind and body working well?

Wake up... lmao

4. First ever fandom and why? How old were you?

This is a surprisingly hard question to answer as I have loved many things over the years.. I have always loved cartoons going back as far back as I can remember and later in life comic books and anime  so will answer this by first fanfictions  and first community.... 

Well.. first fanfiction i got hooked on reading was for Sailor Moon..age..erm... high school so like maybe grade 9ish..  At that point I had always loved cartoons but Sailor Moon really sucked me in. 

First I wrote and will never see the light of day... Biker Mice From Mars and/or G.I.Joe...cant rightly remember which came first and I am a huge Snake Eyes fan.  

First posted... DBZ I believe under another name.. and ermm.. no, I wont tell. 

First community I joined... Dragon Ball Z on here in fact.. and within the last few years.   I am still a DBZ fan but I jumped the fandom community wagon and joined up with a bunch of Thundernerds and completely fell down the rabbit hole.

And I am being vague about the age for a reason.. lol   

5.Deserted beach or snazzy night club?

Beach! 100% Sand between the toes,  the sound of the water lapping up the shore.. the smell of the salt in the air.. the sun on my back and my sandals dangling from my finger tips.. ahhhh perfection. 

6. Do you find it easier to talk to people online or offline?

Online.. cause there is security in anonymity. 

7. What do you think is the aim in your life? What do you ultimately want to achieve?

Wow.. talk about a soul baring question.. lmao.. I don’t know.. to be remembered and looked back on kindly.   To be better then those before me and to not make the same mistakes.. to be a good mom to my daughter and to not fuck her up to bad. (I answered this one out of order.. meh)   

8. Coolest Thunderbird

....well this one should be an obvious answer. lol

9. What is your absolute favourite topic to talk about?

My interests.. which are vast and varied. 

10. Do you have an embarrassing story to share?

How I fucked up this questionnaire.. lol 

okay so now for questions to ask,..if I understand this right that is what i am supposed to do now... hmm

1. Favourite dessert.

2. What would you rather...fine dining or eating around a camp fire?

3.  Favourite past time outside of here?

4. If you were a video game character, who would you be? Why?

5. Flight or invisibility? 

6. In the case of a zombie apocalypse what would be your escape plan and what would you do to survive? 

7. If you could go on a road trip anywhere in the world.. where would you go and what car would you be driving? 

8. Who would be in the seat beside you? 

9.  What would you rather... watch a thunderstorm or close the blinds

10. What 10 questions would you come up with if you could ask anyone anything?  (Ya, I so cheated there mu ha ha a ha) 

Feel free to answer.. or not. Open to anybody just copy and paste the last 10 questions.. not the whole thing like I did... oops... cause that would be wrong.. Oh and if you made it all the way down here after this long ass ramble .. GOLD STAR FOR YOU!  :) 

[haveanotherkpopblog]

Masquerade

Inspired by @noona-clock‘s “EXO as Royal Princes”

Part 1

Paring: Kim Minseok x You

Genre: AU, Fluff

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: None

Masterlist || Next>>

Tonight was an unusual night within itself. Tonight was the annual masquerade. What made this particular masquerade so unusual was the fact that it was being hosted by Prince Minseok.

Prince Minseok didn’t host parties and very rarely attended them. No one really knew why. Some speculated he lived a double life, others assumed he was disinterested and spoiled. One theory was that he remained in the background so when he did decide to make a public appearance, all eyes were on him. That was the more likely case, for whenever he did make an appearance, he had the entire kingdom’s attention. He had such a profound way with words and such a breath-taking appearance, it was near impossible not to watch and listen to him.

You stood in front of your full length mirror, admiring your dress. You admired the dark blue fabric, attempting to follow the intricate gold design sewn into the skirt.  You were extremely appreciative of the theme Prince Minseok had chosen, “Midnight”.

“Lady Y/N,” called a servant. You turned around, a soft smile gracing your lips. “Your mask, my Lady.” You nodded, allowing the young girl to secure the mask on your face. The mask matched the dress beautifully, making you feel like a princess. You sighed wistfully, slowly turning.

“Thank you,” you said, bowing your head.

Admiring the decor, you make your way to the ballroom. Everything from the decorations, to the food, to the guests themselves was decked out in black, silver, and midnight blue. For a man who’s never hosted a party, he was doing a marvelous job.

“Y/N!” You turned your head, greeted by your best friend, Marchioness Y/F/N, hurriedly walking towards you. “Y/N! Oh my, you look exquisite,” she told you, her smile shining bright.

“Thank you Y/F/N. I must say, I love your dress,” you complimented. She giggled, spinning to show off her black and silver dress. “You’re the envy of the ball, not even Prince Minseok will be able to keep his eyes off of you.”

“You’re too kind, my dear Y/N. Speaking of Prince Minseok, have you seen him?” she inquired. You shook your head, making her pout. She’d always had a minor crush on the prince, if you count an unhealthy obsession as minor.

Before you could assure her he’d show up, a man, dressed in a black suit and a dark blue mask approached the both of you. He briefly nodded to you, then turned his attention Y/F/N, flashing her a smile.

“May I be as bold as to ask for the first dance?” he inquired. She smiled, nodding as she slipped her hand into his.

You smiled fondly as he whisked her away. You slowly made your way around where the dancers were, quietly observing them as they laughed and danced. You were so engrossed with what they were doing, you ran straight into someone’s back. You almost fell when a strong pair of arms caught you. Glancing up, you saw it was the man you’d run in to. You quickly straightened yourself. You curtsied, apologizing profusely. The man smiled, amused.

“No harm done,” he assured you. He was wearing a dark blue suit with silver accents and a matching mask. “As long as you’re okay.” You smiled, grateful it wasn’t some stuffy lord. He looked rather close to your age. He had black hair styled up to show his forehead. His voice sounded familiar, yet you couldn’t place it. You didn’t dwell on it, instead, offering a bow and continuing on your way.

You made it back to where you started by the time the song ended. Y/F/N ran up to you, flushed and slightly out of breath.

“I assume you enjoyed yourself,” you laughed. She nodded excitedly.

“He was amazing Y/N,” she sighed fanning herself. “He was so charming, and funny, and wow. Plus he said he was a prince. Maybe he was Prince Minseok!”

“That’s extraordinary Y/F/N.”

A tap on your shoulder made you turn around. It was the stranger from earlier. He was smiling at you, his cat-like eyes trained on you. He held his hand out, silently asking for a dance. You turned to Y/F/N, who was still rambling on about her prince, before you slipped your hand into his. He led you to the center of the room, twirling you to face him. The music began, and he gracefully guided you across the floor. 

“I must say, you are quite the elegant dancer,” you complimented. And indeed he was. He kept in perfect sync with the music, making you wish you’d taken your dance classes more seriously.

“Thank you, as are you. Much better than walking,” he teased. You rolled your eyes playfully.

“Did you ask me to dance just so you could tease me?” you asked. He chuckled softly, shaking his head.

“No, I asked you to dance because you’ve piqued my interest. I want to get to know you.” You nodded. “Please, tell me about yourself. Please.”

“Well, if you insist. What would you like to know?”

“Everything.”

You thought hard, figuring out where to start.

“Well, I’m an avid reader. I find there’s nothing more calming than reading a good book with a nice cup of tea. I enjoy a plethora of activities, and I tend to volunteer my free time to those in need,” you told him.

“Volunteer? I think you’re the first lady I’ve met that helps the poor,” he commented.

“And that’s what’s really sad. Everyday, those not lucky enough to be born with riches suffer. They suffer from poverty, starvation, lack of education, and so much more. Children are not taught literacy and mathematics, they are taught how to farm and take care of each other. They are not allowed to play because they have to work so they can eat.

“Don’t get me started on their diets. They can barely afford the food that’s rotten and stale, let alone fresh, clean produce. The mortality rate is unbelievably high, and it pains me to see them suffer.

“I’ve been reading some works by Lao-tzu. I highly recommend. He goes on to say:

‘When the rich prosper

While farmers lose their land;

When government officials spend money

On weapons instead of cures; when the upper class is extravagant and irresponsible

While the poor have nowhere to turn--

All this is robbery and chaos.’

“I wholeheartedly agree with him. Their majesties and his Royal Highness are too worried about themselves and every other country and every other country and not enough about their people.”

“His Royal Highness? Do you think so little of him?” he inquired.

You shook your head. “On the contrary, I think very highly of him. He is a fair man who knows when he must be firm. When he speaks, he knows of what he speaks of. His only problem is he’s focused on the wrong issues,” you explained. He nodded, appearing deep in thought.

“You are quite an intelligent woman. I have to say, you’ve certainly captured my attention.”

“Did I not have it before?” you jested. He smiled, an actual smile. You noticed the little kink in his mouth, how one side rose a little more than the other. The words were out of your mouth before you could stop them. “What’s your name?”

He hesitated. He glanced to the side then snapped his attention to you.

“Xiumin.” You wracked your brain, trying to remember any noble named Xiumin. None came to mind.

“I’m afraid I don’t know you. Are you a foreigner?” you asked. He shook his head.

“It’s what my friends call me,” he explained.

“You consider me a friend?”

“I’d like too.” He stared deep into your eyes, and you stared right back. “I don’t know what it is about you, but I feel so at ease with you. You’re an honest person, unafraid to speak your mind. I admire that. Since you know my name, may I know your’s?”

“Y/N,” you replied. He seemed completely taken aback by your name. “Xiumin? Is there a problem?” He quickly shook his head, his face contorted to look shocked.

“You wouldn’t be Countess Y/N, would you?” he inquired. You nodded. He dropped his jaw. “You opened a public library in your province, and donated to the orphanage, and volunteered at the hospital.” You nodded to everything, giggling quietly. “Wow, the Countess Y/N. It’s an absolute honor Lady Y/L/N.” “There’s no need to be so formal with me Xiumin. After all, we are friends, right?” you said blushing slightly. He grinned, nodding. He opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off by a servant announcing the firework display. Everyone began to head to the gardens to watch. Xiumin held you back. You gave him a confused look, but he pulled you out onto the balcony. You could see the stars twinkling above, and you took a moment to find as many constellations as you could. “We won’t get in trouble for being up here, right?” you asked. He shook his head, walking to lean on the railing. You followed suit, standing right next to him. You could see everyone gathered in the gardens, making light talk. You spotted Y/F/N, surrounded by multiple men, all of them laughing. “I don’t remember if I told you, but you look gorgeous Y/N,” Xiumin whispered in you ear. You bit your lip, thankful for the darkness to hide your blush. Bright light attracted your attention, followed by a loud boom that rattled your chest. You glanced up at the night sky as fireworks colored silver and gold painted it, thundering loudly. The wind picked up, blowing across your exposed arms. You shuddered, running your hands up and down your arms. A jacket was put on your shoulders. You turned to see Xiumin without his jacket, staring at you fondly. You thanked him, heat rising to your cheeks. You continued to watch until it was over. And thus ended to masquerade. You were almost sad it was over. You turned to tell Xiumin something, but he was nowhere in sight. You rushed back to the ballroom, desperately searching for him. The only person you found was Y/F/N. You sighed, hugging his jacket closer to you.

“Where were you? You disappeared,” she said, looping her arm through yours. “I met someone. He was amazing. He actually listened to what I had to say and cared. He was so easy to talk to.” “Sounds like you found your prince charming! Where is he?” “I don’t know,” you replied. You looked down at his jacket, smiling softly. “I can only hope I’ll see him again.”

[toothpastecanyon]

We Walk Like Humans Do, Chapter 2

The Transcendence has been, on the whole, a good thing for magical creatures... for the ones that walked on two legs and fit in doorways, at least. Lacie has other problems to overcome before she can live in the big city.

Thanks to @feferipeixes for help editing this chapter! Go check out their awesome stuff!

See most updated version on Archive of Our Own.

________________________________________________________________

               Oh, my stars. Alcor hasn’t laughed this hard in lifetimes.

Chapter 2 of Wizard Animago’s Not-So-Secret Spellbook - Everything You Already Knew About Transfiguration and Literally Nothing Else

Hi, I’m 18Lacie5 and I wrote another chapter for you humans. Everyone was really confused on my last post and seemed to think it was a joke, so I’ll start out by answering the five most common questions you had.

1 - Yes, I am a basilisk.

2 - No, I am not the basilisk from Harry Potter.

3 - No, I do not live in the Chamber of Secrets from Harry Potter.

4 - No, I am not the horcrux snake from Harry Potter.

5 - No, I am not in any way related to Harry Potter.

Are we all on the same page now? Good, because holy shit some of you really missed the point here. I got a visit from one of you with a replica of Gryffindor’s sword, and that was so annoying I didn’t even feel bad killing him - like dude, all that tells me is I KNOW you read my post about not coming down here, and then decided to come down here anyway ‘cause fuck me, right?

(The sword wasn’t even that good. It was made of cheap plastic, snapped like a spine.)

Anyway, despite all this the last post was fun to write, so I’m doing it again. Also it seems like the number of visits from treasure hunters has gone down since I posted, though it’s hard to tell. There’s not really a consistent number from year to year, and the day I start keeping a deathcount is the day I give up on life and buy a mirror to see if I can kill myself with my own reflection.

For science, you know?

               Alcor’s read the entire blog by now and it’s just perfect. The snark, the sarcasm, the casual disregard towards human lives that could only have been written by an ancient and powerful being - it’s hilarious!   And the spell entries… man, he could listen to Lacie tear apart someone’s Latin any day of the decade. If only she could come to some of his summons; she’d have so much material to work with there.

               With a chuckle, Alcor looks up and glances around the darkness of the Mindscape. He needs to show this to someone. But who? Mizar? She’s only a year into the current reincarnation… hmm, she might be a little too young to understand it. Lucy Ann’s somewhere around; he probes for her, and finds her - dammit - during naptime at some kindergarten in Portland.

               Anyone else?

               …

               No one else.

               There’s absolutely no one else in his life right now. That’s… that’s a fun reminder.

               He sighs, and sits back on the fabric of reality. Maybe some cultists’ll summon him; he could read them a blog post, see if they laugh. That’d be fun, right?

               Al narrows his eyes at the great nothingness before him. It’d be something, at least.

               ...You know, he can feel a little tug now.

               A weak one, just one summoner, and no circle. That confuses him at first - even the real amateurs usually manage to scribble out some sort of rounded shape - and when he looks closer, he sees it’s holding one of his summoning cards, holding it in its… hand?

               No, not quite a hand, and Alcor jolts right up as he realises shit that’s Lacie trying to call him, shit he didn’t think she’d call him back so soon! How long did he keep her waiting? It’s been a couple hours - shit!

               Alcor tessers over to her in an instant, his mouth already open and spilling apologies: “Oh my stars Lacie, I am so sorry for the delay! I got distracted and I didn’t think you’d call back so soon so I wasn’t watching as closely as I-”

               A deep, rumbling growl cuts him off. It’s a deafening sound, coming from a creature lounging on a pile of bones and gold with teeth the size of Alcor’s entire body; he can’t help but cringe at that. He takes a deep breath, remind himself that he’s an all-powerful demon who definitely doesn’t need to be scared of some mere mortal… even if she is pretty scary for a mortal.

               You know, relatively speaking. He isn’t scared, he just thinks she’s scarier than, like, a human.  Like a human from that pile of human skeletons she’s smashed into the wall. Yeah, that’s not scary at all. That wouldn’t kill him… looks like it would hurt, though.

               He double checked he isn’t standing near that spellbook she’s bound to, right?

               Just as he’s thinking this, Lacie lets out another even louder growl, and he jumps back with an undignified yelp.

               “Hey, whoa, Lacie!” Alcor watches her head shift to the side. “Lacie? Hello?”

               She doesn’t reply, and he looks to her face for an answer. He sees one of her eyes now: it’s closed?

               Closed.

               The realisation washes over him as she lets out another slow, rumbling snore.

               “Oh. You’re… you’re just sleeping, aren’t you. Duh.” He straightens, and casts a glance around the room as he fixes his tie and straightens his hat. “Glad no one noticed that… Lacie?”

               She doesn’t stir, and Alcor makes a face. He’s never turned up to a summons  and had the summoner fall asleep; would she want him to wake her up? Her dreams feel pretty peaceful to him, and even though that thing - is that a giant laptop? - she’s using as a pillow doesn’t look particularly comfy, it doesn’t seem to bother her in the slightest.

               Yeah, it looks like he should just let her call him back… but there is something. Embedded in her sluggish thoughts, he can feel a sort of drive, a sort of desperation, and that makes him hesitate. He looks for her tail, and spots it still wrapped around his summoning card, still squeezing it in a death grip.

               Alcor frowns. He watches her snore one more time, then makes up his mind. With a deep breath, he reaches out and prods at her thoughts; they immediately begin to stir. He prods again, and Lacie lets out a grunt. Her eyelid cracks open, and she drags a sleepy glare across the room.

               Her gaze meets his, and he feels pain, pain in his soul, his soul feels like it’s being pushed out through his ears ow ow OW- and he recoils, unable to bear it for a second longer.

               Wow, he thinks, that really is potent. What on earth makes it so powerful?

               Before he can wonder about that, there’s a noise. Gold coins clink against each other as Lacie jerks up, blinking hard, panic flashing in her aura. Alcor holds up his hands.

               “Hey, hey, it’s just me!” He looks down as she fixes her eyes on him. “Sorry if you, uh, didn’t want to be woken up, I just thought… you know, you called me, and… what are you doing?”

               She’s cast the summoning card aside and is now wiggling the touchpad on her laptop. He cocks his head.

               “Whoa, I’ve never seen a laptop that big. Where on Earth did you buy that?”

               Lacie doesn’t acknowledge his question. She starts typing something, and he floats closer to see her login screen.

               “18Lacie5. Heh, I like your username.” He watches her click on the password box and slowly, painstakingly jab each key with her tail. “E… Y… E… What? Why are you looking at me like- oh. Oh, I’m so sorry!”

               There’s a faint snort from Lacie as he turns away. His cheeks redden.

               “Sorry, I forget hu- uh, mortals? Mortals tend to like their privacy on stuff… it’s kind of useless since Al-V can hack into pretty much any computer on earth - um, the Alcor Virus, that’s Alvie.” He hears the typing stop, and suddenly wishes he’d chosen literally any other topic in the world. “Um, not that I would make him hack into your computer! I’m just saying he could, and he probably has already… um, I just made him to get rid of Twin Souls though, you’re fine! O-or you should be fine - you don’t, by any chance, happen to like Twin Souls, do you? It’s, um, this book - well it’s a movie now but it was a book - and Mizar - who is my sister by the way - well, that’s why I hate it, because it has my sister and I, umm…ugh, sorry, it’s gross, my sister and I, we’re- huh?”

               A low hiss makes him look back, and he sees Lacie - ow - staring right at him. She gestures to the screen, which has a word document open on it with big, bold letters.

               “Oh, you want me to read that?” He floats closer, and frowns as he reads the first line:

               Im pretending 2 type rite now 2 see how long u wil ramble 4 wtf youre still going and now twin souls no nono why r u explaning i actually cant take the awkwardnes i got 2 stop u

               Alcor blinks, then shoots her a dirty look. The noise coming out of her now sounds an awful lot like snickering.

               “Wha- I was just-! I just wanted to clarify the hacking thing I said, I-!” The snickering gets louder, and he rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I guess I’m a little rusty at small talk, very funny. I’d like to see how awkward you’d be if the only practice you could get is on a bunch of cultists in basements. They’re not exactly social butterflies either, you know!”

               Lacie just keeps laughing, and Alcor… well, he puts on a show of crossing his arms and heaving a long-suffering sigh, but he’s fighting a smile.

               It’s strangely nice, being here. Lacie’s strangely nice to be around; she already feels - and he has to remind himself he’s only met her twice - almost like a friend? Maybe he just has a low bar these days, but he hears her laughter, and… it’s just very, very nice. Nice in a way that’s hard to describe.

               Nice in a way he hasn’t felt for a while.

               The feeling lingers even after Lacie’s chuckling dies off, and he’s still smiling as he watches her reach for the laptop again. She jabs the down arrow a couple times, and some more, better punctuated text comes into view.

               I have revised the terms of our deal, it starts, and Alcor clears his throat, squares his shoulders, tries to get himself back into business mode. He reads on: and I would like to exchange the human bones that are currently in my room for a human disguise I am capable of putting on and taking off at will.

               He raises an eyebrow as he reaches the end. This is not the deal he was expecting to make. A human disguise… he can tell she’s no demonologist, that’s for sure; there’s so many interpretations of that, so many wonderful ways to tw͏is͡t her̡ ̵w̢or̵d̸s ͏a͟g̢ai͘n̸st͠ ̢h͝er-

               No. He shakes his head to clear it of his worst instincts, but they won’t leave, not in the presence of such an enticing deal. Suddenly, he’s glad he doesn’t have to look her in the eyes right now; he trains them on the ground instead, and starts to speak.

               “So, um… when you’re saying a ‘human disguise’, what do you mean by that?” He can’t see her face, but he can see a bolt of frustration flash across her aura. “Huh? What’s- oh right, can’t talk, uh… well, do you want me to make an actual, convincing disguise? You know, instead of, like, a wig and some sunglasses?”

               Lacie nods vigourously. He watches her tap the caps key and add ‘CONVINCING’ before the human disguise bit. A part of him screams at all the opportunities he’s giving up - willingly! - but he forces a smile and nods.

               “Cool, I can do that. I’ve made a few humans before- human bodies, that is, not… um.” Alcor coughs. “Anyway, I can give you a convincing human form for those bones of yours. How does that sound?”

               She taps the screen.

               “What…? Oh, yes, I’ll make it so you can switch back and forth at will. Good catch. Now, do we have a d̕e͇̪͍̜̻̪͘a̙̻̬̦͔ͅl̲̝͓͔?”

               He doesn’t extend a hand to shake, but blue sparks spurt from his fingertips as he watches Lacie mull it over. Her aura fizzles with nervous energy, but it only takes a couple seconds for her to tamp it down and give him a firm nod. The rush of a newly made deal makes his grin go wide; he tries not to let it go too wide as he claps his hands together.

               “Alrighty, then,” he says, rubbing them until those sparks turn into a full-blown fire. “One meatsuit coming right up!”

               He extends a hand to the pile of bones in the corner of the room, and with a flick of the wrist he rips the energy from them all  and absorbs it. The sacrifice warms him like a good meal, and he turns back to Lacie, ready to put that newly-gained power to use.

               He steps back and sizes her up with his hands, a gesture that makes her aura simmer with uncertainty. She makes a low, nervous sound, and he waves her away.

               “It’s alright, I just… need to remember how big a human is, how much I need to squish you down... Got it!!” Alcor readies his fingers to snap. “Okay, I’ve only done this on myself before, so there might be some kinks I haven’t thought of! Don’t worry, though, I’ll probably be able to fix them!”

               Before Lacie could respond, he snaps his fingers, and his magic rushes around her like a cloud. Skin forms over scales, hair grows over horns, and the figure that remains when it disperses is unmistakably human.

               It’s also falling to the ground from the height of Lacie’s head, and oh shit catch her catch her catch her - he freezes her momentum a couple inches from the ground then lets her plop, safely but definitely not gracefully, into a puddle.

               “Oh, my stars! Are you okay?” Heart pounding in his chest, he dashes over. “I am so sorry about that fall, how are you- ow, okay , I’m gonna need to get you some sunglasses or something - how are you feeling? Here, let me help you up!”

               He extends a hand, and Lacie… just stares at it.

               Just stares at him, not moving, and he can feel panic flaring up in her aura as she can’t move, oh stars she’s so tiny right now and she can’t move oh fuck-

               Alcor blinks. “Oh, right. Um, don’t panic-”

               Don’t panic??? DON’T PANIC??? FUCK THIS SHE’S LIKE FIVE INCHES TALL RIGHT NOW AND SHE CAN’T FUCKING MOVE OH MY STARS WHY DID SHE DO THIS TO HERSELF THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING IDEA SHE’S EVER HAD IN HER LIFE-

               “Lacie? Take a deep breath… Lacie? Lacie!” He cringes when Lacie’s eyes fix on him again. “Okay, um, I can see this is… a little stressful for you?”

               She nods vigourously.

               “Alright, um… don’t worry, I made it easy for you to change back! You just, y’know, gotta think of yourself being a basilisk again - or is it pronounced ‘battle-isk’? ‘Bas-til-isk’? Heh, that’s a weird word, I’ve only ever seen it written down-”

               Lacie ditches her human disguise as fast as she could, shooting back out to her original form and cutting Alcor off mid-tangent. He jumps back, watching relief flood through her aura as she could move again, thank the stars she could actually move and everything’s normal sized again… fuck, everything’s normal sized again. She wasted her deal!

               The relief’s spiking up into another panic, and Alcor clears his throat. “Alright, so that deal didn’t go to plan. No worries! I can’t exactly do refunds, but you’ve still got plenty of good stuff to sacrifice in here! Doesn’t bother me if this takes a few tries, heh.”

               But that doesn’t calm Lacie in the slightest, because now she has to think of another deal, her mind’s blank, she’s got nothing! But she’ll fall asleep if she makes Alcor leave again… maybe she will have to go for that deal.

               It’s hard to read her thoughts when they go quiet, but Alcor definitely picks up something about that deal as they’re retreating into a murky bubble of disappointment. He sees how she hangs her head at the idea, then lugs her laptop over to her, begins to peck away at the keys.

               He sees that, and frowns. “Hey, uh,” he starts, and right away her eyes dart over to him. “If you don’t want to make a new deal, I’m sure we could make this one work?”

               Lacie cocks her head.

               “I mean, I’ve been… I know a thing or two about being in a human body. It’s been a while, but maybe I could… y’know, show you the ropes?”

               She doesn’t say a word. The silence stretches, and Alcor laughs nervously.

               “I-if you want. I mean, it’s been a while, but maybe I could show you enough to get around? I did technically promise your disguise would be ‘convincing’, so a couple human lessons should be easy enough to fit in, without… without another deal... um, I don’t know if you like this idea or you want me to stop talking? If you do that’s fine, I can do another deal, just give me a-”

               There’s a sort of fwoomp sound, and the coils and coils of Lacie’s body seem to twist out of existence. At the same time, a human takes shape where her head was, and falls right into Alcor’s arms before he has time to blink.

               “-a sign?” He finishes, and stares down at her. She stares right back, and he’d admire the steely resolve, the carefully-controlled fear in her gaze a whole lot longer if it didn’t make his soul want to push itself out through his ears.

               “Oh, Okay. Wow, you’re, um… diving right in, huh?”

               Lacie gives her closest approximation to a human smile, and Alcor’s caught off guard by how quickly he finds himself grinning back. An actual, genuine grin stretches across his face for the first time in too long, and he chuckles.

               “Alright, Lacie, I like your gumption!” He summons a pair of sunglasses, and sticks them over her eyes. “Let’s get humaning!”

________________________________________________________________

               Humaning. Lacie had taught herself many human things over the years; she’d taught herself to read, to type, to write - heck, she’d even managed to summon a demon (and in proper human tradition, had made a poorly thought-out deal with it.) She was no novice in learning how to human.

               Maybe that’s why she thought the whole human form was a good idea. She was great at humaning! She’d taught herself so many of their skills, educated herself on so many of their customs, she was able to pass as one of them online… sometimes, it really didn’t feel like she was all that different from them.

               After all, if she could read like a human and write like a human and think like a human, how hard could it be to walk around like one, too?

               …

               As it turns out, hard.

               Very, very hard.

               Duh.

               Everything, everything is different in a human body. Sure, she thought having arms and legs would take some getting used to, but how about all this hair? How about her cramped little mouth and her stubby tongue? How about her skin? Her skin is stupidly sensitive without scales; when she was lying on the stone, she could feel every little bump in it, could feel water soaking her, making her shiver - and shivering, ugh! What an awful sensation! Even though Alcor’s got her propped her up in a chair now, her skin won’t stop whining to her that, gasp, the fabric’s a little itchy!

               Whoop de fucking do, skin. Hopefully she grows a thicker one soon enough, because this is driving her crazy.  She’s laughing at the Lacie of a couple hours ago who thought she’d just be able to stand up and walk out of the sewers, and oh, speaking of walking ?

               Hah! Try moving them at all!

               Lacie’s been without these strange appendages all her life, and moving them would be like a human trying to nod with a second head they’ve just sprouted - sometimes she’ll get lucky and hit upon whatever bundle of nerves is controlling each of these limbs, and after two hours of Alcor’s patient coaching she can make them twitch on a somewhat consistent basis, but she’s not getting anywhere fast with them any time soon.

               She can only lie here, with her blunt teeth, with her papery skin, with her useless limbs…

               Helpless.

               Absolutely helpless.

               Alcor looms over her whenever he stands up… and that scares her more than she thought it would. Everything looms over her in this form; the - she called it little - pile of treasure she sleeps on now seems like a great mountain, the ceiling she often bangs her head on is higher still, impossibly high. She sees her spellbook resting on its lecturn, and it’s about the same size as her now; she remembers how tiny it once seemed, and- OH FUCK WHAT’S GOING- oh, she’s shivering again.

               Lacie frowns at that, and she lets out a noise that’s weirdly squeaky in this throat, and Alcor taps her shoulder.

               (And she feels that, holy shit skin it’s literally just a hand)

               “...need to take a break?” He’s asking. Frowning. “Lacie?”

               She nods, quickly, and he takes the sunglasses off her face before scooting back. Closing her eyes, she thinks of being a basilisk again, and all these alien sensations fall away with a flood of relief. Lacie is herself again; she takes a long moment to savour it, to lounge across her sleeping pile, to listen to her scales scratch against the stone floor, to open an eye and see Alcor as a tiny figure in her field of vision.

               “That looks comfy.” He says. He’s grinning, but she can barely make that out. “Darn, I should’ve moved the chair, too.”

               The chair? She lifts her body, and finds the chair she’d been sitting on, crushed beneath the weight of her coils. With a little chuckle, she sweeps it out from under her, marvelling at how tiny it is - how tiny she was.

               Alcor laughs, too. “Sheesh, you flattened it. I think it’ll be easier to make a new chair.”

               Laying her head on the ground, she lets out a lazy snort.

               “…um, when you’re ready, I mean.” He adds. “Or we can stop, if you’re tired? I can-”

               She heaves herself up. Ugh, she is tired - it creeps up on her. She can’t sleep though, not when she’s so close, so fucking close to getting out of here.

               “Oh, okay… are you sure? We’ve been at this a while, I really don’t mind taking a break…”

               Lacie tugs at that mental link in the back of her mind, and feels herself switch back into human form again. Unlike switching the other way, this form greets her not with a flood of relief, but with a host of silly little complaints: her back hurts, the stone’s not comfy on her face, it’s cold, she’s wet, on and on and on and she just wants it all to shut up… but, she will admit, there is one thing she likes.

               Alcor hoists her up on one of those tiny little chairs she’d been laughing at just a second ago, and she stares at him, and she feels awake.

               Completely awake.

               She can’t remember the last time her head’s felt this clear, and it’s a pity she has to spend half her human time fidgeting in a seat because otherwise it’d be amazing. Is this really how bad the energy situation had gotten down here? Wow, she really needed to get out of here, and fast.

               “Hey, Lacie?” Alcor’s saying something, and she looks over at him. “So I know you said - or, uh, indicated, anyway - that you didn’t want a break…”

               He pauses expectantly, and then, seeming to realise she isn’t going to follow it up with a ‘Yes?’ clears his throat.

               “Right. Well, I kind of would. Like a break. If that’s okay with you.”

               Lacie blinks.

               “You know, we’ve been doing this for a while, and I’m thinking maybe we could do something else? You know, it could be something fun! It could be something like, um, like… oh, do you play Scrabble?”

               She shakes her head.

               “No? Oh, I guess that was a longshot… how bout chess? I know there’s like, online chess… no?” He frowns at her continued head-shaking. “Alright, well… What do you do for fun down here?”

               Lacie thinks on that for a moment, then turns her head towards the laptop.

               “Oh, your laptop? Nice, nice.” He grins at her. “I love your blog.”

               Wait, her blog? He’s read that? He likes that? The surprise must be showing on her face, because Alcor starts laughing.

               “Yeah, it’s hilarious! I was actually so caught up reading it, I didn’t realise you were summoning me! I love just how sarcastic it is! It’s amazing!”

               Lacie blinks. Is he… gushing? Is Alcor the Dreambender gushing about her blog?

               Is this her life?

               “Man,” he rambles on. “that joke about a killcount, that was great. I just don’t get why it’s not more popular!  Humans, they just don’t have any taste… they’re, heh, they’re too busy reading Harry Potter, amirite?”

               He nudges her like he’s made some kind of clever reference, and she snorts at him. Okay, wow, demon or not, this guy really is an absolute plonker. She loves it.

               “Haha, yeah! They’ve been, uh, playing Quidditch too much to read your stuff! Yeah! Or they’ve been, um… making swords? Making- I should stop now, shouldn’t I.”

               With a big dumb grin on her face, she nods.

               “Yep, that was getting out of hand.” Alcor rubs his neck. “I just wanted to say I really liked it a lot. It was funny.”

               Lacie’s grin got even bigger.

               “So, uh, you really have been down here all your life, huh? Dealing with treasure hunters-” He chuckles when she rolls her eyes. “Hah, I can imagine that’s not fun! Yeah... so, uh, have you ever been outside?”

               She shakes her head. Maybe before she was old enough to remember, but that was a long, long time ago. Alcor makes a face at that.

               “Yeah, yeesh. No wonder you want to get out of here, no wonder…”

               He trails off, and Lacie watches his eyes go distant for a second before a thought seems to strike him; he blinks, frowns, then, slowly, he starts to grin. He turns to her again, and she raises an eyebrow at the shine in his eyes.

               “Hey, Lacie,” He says. “Want me to take you on a little tour?”

[thornewoodhospitalblog]

It can be absolutely daunting to log on and just stare blankly at an empty post. It’s quite a struggle, but have no fear! The Bee Sisters are here! There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and you will come out the other side. Okay, I’ll stop with the cheesy metaphors now. Read on for common causes relating to the loss of muse and how to revive inspiration by falling in love with your character again.

Problem 1: Stressful Personal Life One of the most common factors of lost muse is a stressful personal life. If work or home life has suddenly become unmanageable, it can cause writing to feel like a chore. 

Solution: We’ve all been through it and a brief hiatus in this circumstance can actually be pretty useful as they often give you time to take a step back and think about how you want your character to return to the RP. You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder! Take the time to relax, write a list about what you want to bring to the overall plot of the RP and how your character can facilitate that goal and get hyped up about returning.

Problem 2: Loss of Direction Similarly, it can become very easy to lose all sense of direction with your character and get wrapped up in going with the flow with no big development occurring. 

Solution: This is a good time to take a step back, reread your character’s bio and reevaluate your character and their existing connections. Tap back into your initial inspiration for where your character came from and think about what may have gotten lost or has been on hold for too long. What were your original aspirations for your character? How does your character specifically fit into the overarching plot of Thornewood? What does this character bring that advances Thornewood’s story?

For instance, if your character’s bio states they’re a go-getter and strive for achievement but haven’t quite achieved anything since arriving at Thornewood, perhaps it’s time for your character to earn a promotion or be downgraded from the red/yellow floor to the yellow/green floor. We know going backwards isn’t intuitive, but sometimes it’s important to look back in order to go forward. Looking back can provide inspiration for a plot revolving around a new characteristic or a developing skill could result in further character development for a more exciting and adventurous route.

Problem 3: Lack of Connections  A big issue with writing in a growing group is that as new writers and characters come in, it can feel as though your character is getting lost in the crowd. It’s absolutely essential you continue to put your character out there to be heard! Solution:  Open starters (we have a post all about intriguing open starters, posted here) are the best way to do this! Read the other characters bios and if you see one that your character may gel well with (or, it might even be more exciting if they don’t get along) and you have an idea for a plot (this part is really important!! Come to the table with at least some idea!), message them privately and pitch your ideas! We are extremely lucky to have a wonderful and friendly group of writers here so please don’t be worried or afraid to build those connections!

Problem 4: Undeveloped Character Development Bear with me on this one. You applied with a bio that, at the time, felt strong and you had a lot of muse for but as you got to threading and creating connections and plots, your character still feels…the same. Unmoved. Unchanged by their environment. Don’t stress! It happens, I’ve done it! 

Solution: Now its pivotal for you to go back to your character bio and pick out one part that you know you’ve lost or would like to improve upon. Now, journal, self-para, create mood boards, take mun/muse quizzes or personality tests for your character, fill in an IC all about me, create a playlist of songs that relate to your character. Work on them from the ground up. Strip them back and find the parts that make them unique. (I will be adding some character development quizzes to the main if you find these helpful.) But, the aim here is for you to basically rebuild your muse from where it first began but with a refreshed perspective.

Problem 5: It’s Been Awhile There are many reasons why you may have taken a hiatus, and rightfully so, but now you’ve been away for so long that jumping back in sort of feels like a huge leap. The dash has moved, events have unfolded and everyone seems to be in the midst of a big plot. 

Solution: Before returning, set up a group chat with the mods and we will fill you in on everything that may have occurred in your absence. In the midst of this conversation, you can absolutely plot with us about how your character should return! We enjoy helping when we can and ensure a smooth transition back into Thornewood. Don’t let yourself suffer in silence! Communication is key!

Problem 6: Striving for Perfection  I know first hand how it feels to be in the middle of writing an important plot that you are incredibly proud of and want to be good and entertaining enough that the other writers in the group are interested in reading it, buuuuut there’s a fine line between writing well and wanting to write well that your ambition ends up scaring off your muse. Now, to be clear, we’re not saying don’t try to write the absolute best can! Please, do! Push yourself! However, we’d like to caution you that an unhealthy amount of pressure on yourself will kill muse.

Solution: If you’re staring at your reply and pulling your hair out, hit that little “save draft” button and walk away. I’m serious. Close your laptop, make yourself a drink and take a deep breath, or even move onto another thread you have. I’ll often give myself 45 minutes to an hour and then come back to the original thread. At that point, it’s like a fresh pair of eyes going over what you had before and you’ll suddenly see the mistakes and your second draft will be 100% better.

Problem 7: Insufficient Communication Okay, this one here is a biggie and I need you to know one thing before I start, when we say communication is key, we mean it. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have watched people lose all their muse because they are not communicating honestly and effectively with their RP partners. 

Solution: If the plot you created isn’t working anymore, tell them. If they’re all over the place and rarely on, meaning you can’t write with them, discuss it with them. If you feel you’re being disrespected or not listened to, talk to them openly and honestly. (If you’ve done this and are still having issues, please report such a thing to the mods as this is something we can deal with). If god-modding (you didn’t previously approve), meta-knowledge or meta-disrespect has taken place, report it to the mods immediately. This destroys all love for writing and your plots and can make for a tense and hostile environment which is not something tolerated here at Thornewood. Communication with your partners and mods is incredibly important.

Conclusion: If you got this far, wow! Thank you! Gold star for you, if there’s one thing this bee does well, it’s ramble. This guide has come from a very honest place because recently I have been struggling with a loss of muse and through writing this, I’ve used my own tips to bring it back. If you take anything away from this, let it be this:

Hiatuses are a-okay and a lot of the time, necessary. Please don’t lose sight of the fact that this is supposed to be a fun and enjoyable space and lastly, the mods are here to help, guide and support you in anyway we can. We are only a message away.

[seonfhwa]

you said no one asks you about your biases so klj;alkdjfs here I am because also love when people talk about their biases!!! name your top five biases luna and why they are your biases

oh my god mini you’re enabling me ehrbjhgbek okay here we go look away folks this is gonna get annoying

edit: so i went back and slapped everything under the cut because oh my god i kept talking im so annoying

1. cha hakyeon/n of vixx

this man hits everything i love about a human being. he’s very motherly and very open about such things, he’s a true sassy diva who always wants the attention on him (i don’t blame him), he has a really big heart and always does things like donating to charity and the like, he has seen SO MANY ups and downs since vixx debuted in 2011 and honestly?? he deserves the world. he’s a really hard working leader who goes to all of his members solo activities to cheer them on and make sure they know he’s there supporting them. i have never seen anyone as beautiful and ethereal as cha hakyeon in my entire life. he’d be a wonderful dad, a perfect husband, and a caring friend. he’s loving, kind, and affectionate, and he’s the sweetest bean. though he gets bullied the most by everyone else. honestly, too, i know we don’t really know most idols’ sexuality but cha hakyeon imo is one of the strongest icons in terms of exploring sexuality and shattering gender expectations and i can’t wait for him to slay some more when he gets out of the military. also?? dancing king?? like pls stomp on me i love you. literally he’s just… his duality… he’s so soft and gentle as hakyeon but as n, he’s a fiery demon ready to go. either way he’s my number one and he will always be my number one and nothing will ever change that.

2. no minwoo of boyfriend

so honestly, boyfriend really is my #1 group ever, but with the lack of content for the past year or so (after star they disappeared again into japan) it’s been really hard :(( so lack of content causes me to ult different groups during hard times but!! yeah. minwoo is my tsundere baby, my maknae on top, my bratty baby boy. he’s the quiet one of boyfriend who kinda just wants to kill everyone and he’s donghyun’s Baby and no one (not even jeongmin) can touch him hejhegbre he’s honestly one of my biggest sources of sunshine. he’s honestly where my type started (dancer rapper) and i love him!! so much. he’s a talented little bean, who’s super great with what’s given to him and his dancing is no joke!! i hope he can capitalize on that one day. also!! he’s a part of 95 line (jo twins, him, ricky of teen top, sungjae of btob, hyuk of vixx, and i think a couple others idk) and i literally love that friend group so much ;;;; minwoo is honestly the #1 prettiest baby boy ever, he’s got so much love pent up inside of him but being the bratty tsun introvert he is, he doesn’t know how to show it so he just hbjehbrgj suffers. but that’s why he has mama donghyun to take care of him, idk man starship is just shitting on the talent they have, pls let boyfriend out of the korean basement.

3. song mingi of ateez (duh) putting my own gif of mingi bc its my fave gif

and here she goes, gonna rant and rave forever. okay so mingi, right? you all probably already know this but he’s literally the biggest and best source of sunshine and happiness in the whole wide world. literally when i first got into ateez i was like hongjoong!! he’s my bias!! and then idk what happened i accidentally floated around for so long and it wasn’t long after say my name that i was officially attacked by mingi and i claimed him, he is my sunshine and my everything. i really thought seonghwa would end up my bias if not hongjoong but then mingi came around with his full-body laugh. i honestly figured out mingi was my bias when i was making my original blog and i was like?? softmingis?? that works!! rather than any other url (though idk i did try a couple of san urls). ever since i solidified mingi as my bias, i’ve found countless things about him that i love. his seal claps when he tosses his whole body as he laughs, his deep af voice, how th*cc he is, the way he interacts with all of the members– honestly i love this whole big baby boy with every fiber of my being. one day i wanna hold his hand and see his smile and (it wont happen ever but) give him just a lil smoochie on the cheek. honestly, he’s just ;;; so perfect. he may be a year younger than me but idc he’s the most lovely human bean i’ve ever seen ;;;; i wanna give him the world.

4. kim hosung/lou of vav

listen it took me a while to get here and it’s a struggle to stay here as a lou biased bean (yes ace i’m looking at you) but honestly ;;; i’m kinda sorta maybe in l*ve with this man. he’s a whole softie even though normally i’d look at someone like him and go “wow he looks really intimidating” but like?? he’s a big softie! like he’s all tall and deep voiced but he’s (another) introverted bubs. he’s all mysterious tbh like he’s so boring he wears all black and white and gray clothing if he’s not in stage outfits ekrhbejgh but he’s like!! a cutie. he loves his girl group dances and he can be super quiet at times and really grumpy but like?? he’s so handsome. he’s a confident chaotic gay and we love our very own confident gays. idk man he’s literally so gorgeous just look at that gif up there– okay not to mention he’s such a salty guy like never tell him someone else is your bias he’ll be all pouty pouty grumble grumble. really he needs to be babied but he’s probably the best boyfriend material he’d be so sweet ;;;; idk man like?? i honestly think about him every night he deserves the world and he may not be the most loud and obnoxious person in vav (that’s ziu) but he’s the most charming and i love him to death ;;;

5. kim jaejoong of jyj

other than gd of big bang, i think?? jaejoong is my longest-running bias. he’s had my heart and soul for so long. other than being the king of japan while sm still has him under dumb laws, he’s done so much for me as a human being. he’s really shaped how i look at the world, truly. i remember there was a fansign he had where a blind girl came to him and said that she loved him, not for his looks (although he is gorgeous) but for his music, his lyrics, and his voice. and honestly watching him go through so much over the years, watching him be shaped by all good and bad things, has made me so happy. he’s grown as a person, he’s learned from mistakes and he’s had to walk down rough roads to get to where he is now. honestly someone asked me recently who my role model is and i think?? after some honest thinking? i’d have to say it’s him. i look up to him. i admire him, everything he’s done for everyone in his life and for himself. he’s a strong man. i love him, and i want to give him everything i can, even though i can hardly even provide for myself. he can be a grumpy old man at times but i think that’s just the relatable shit, you know? he’s a grumpy old man while a heart of gold and i owe him my life, especially because 5 or 6 years ago i was in a really bad slump and it was him, his music, that pulled me out of it.

okay so now that i’ve talked so much and took so long to answer this… the end! literally there are so many more people i could ramble about but those were the top 5 that came to mind who are always super prominent in my head like… aLWAYS 

also if you read all of this… you guys are insane idk how you did it.

[bucky-my-barnes]

Preference #5: You Make It Official!

Tony:

It had been two days since you had last heard from Tony, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. You were certain that you had said something to upset him at this point. Sure it might be you trying to fill in the blanks that he left but you couldn’t think of anything else that could be wrong. Finally you decide to just go visit him and find out what was really going on. It felt a little weird going into the Avenger Tower as you hadn’t been here yet but you weren’t going to back down now. Walking up to the receptionist you gave your name and stated your purpose, apparently Tony had put you on the list so you could go right down to the lab.

Getting into the elevator you got a big shock when a voice rang out to you. “What floor Miss/Mr (Y/N)?”It asked causing you to look around for the source but you were left with only confusion as there was no one in sight. “I am FRIDAY, Mr. Stark’s AI.”The disembodied voice explained causing you to relax.

“Can you please direct me to where Mr. Stark is?”You asked receiving step by step instructions from the AI after leaving the elevator until you came to a glass door seeing Tony working hard on something in front of him. Knocking to get his attention he could barely hear it over the Black Sabbath blaring in the background. Looking up a wide smile grew on his face as he asked FRIDAY to turn off the music and let you in.

“Hey there darling! I wasn’t expecting you, not that I am complaining.”Tony chuckled wrapping his arms around your waist placing a soft kiss on your temple.

“I haven’t heard from you in a couple of days, I was worried.”You explained softly, your eyebrows furrowing with concern.

“I’m so sorry, I’ve been working really hard on something and well I wanted to finish it before I showed you but I guess now is a good as time as any.”He said grabbing your hand pulling you over to the elevator directing FRIDAY to take you to the roof. Wrapping an arm around your shoulders you felt yourself getting more and more confused that was until the sky lit up in amazing glory. Fireworks going off in every direction brightening the dusk falling around you. The grand finale was spectacular, even more so when the words ‘Be Mine?’ popped into the sky. Turning to Tony with tears in your eyes you could only nod and wrap your arms around his neck nestling into his shoulder happily.

Steve:

To say that Steve was old fashioned was an understatement, you had lost track of the amount of dates you had been on and still he hadn’t asked you to be his significant other. Maybe you were expecting too much out of the relationship, but it seemed you were both incredibly happy when you were in each others company. How would you even bring up the question to him if you even wanted to ask what the two of you were? So when he asked you on another date you decided to find a way to ask him before the night was over. At this point you were used to not knowing what the plans were so you just went with the flow.

Dressing warm like he asked, you were eagerly awaiting his arrival when you heard his motorcycle rumbling down the street. Fixing your hair one last time, despite the fact that the helmet you wore always messed it up anyway, you walked out to him. Wrapping your arms tightly around his waist you anticipated what was going to happen next with baited breath. Coming to a stop he helped you off the bike, placing the helmets on the seat before holding his hand out to you. Taking it, he led you to a clearing where the stars were bright in the sky, shining like you had never seen them before.

“Wow.”You said unable to take your eyes off them. “Where did you find this place?”You asked breathlessly lost in the magic before you.

“I found it one night when I took a drive to clear my head. I haven’t brought anyone else up here until now. I wanted to bring you somewhere special when I asked you this. So here goes...will you go steady with me?”Steve asked catching your gaze now the nervousness clear on his face.

“I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to ask, of course Steve I would love to go steady with you.”You said slipping into his lap nuzzling your nose against his making him laugh lightly.

Clint:

On your second date he decided to take you horseback riding since you had never done it before. Approaching the ranch you hoped that it would be easier than you anticipated, but it was highly unlikely for that to be the outcome. The instructors there kindly explained each step to you, and said that they would be there for every step of the ride. All of these things plus an amused Clint in your ear put you at ease for the moment as you mounted the saddle swinging your legs over. The initial part of the ride was rather enjoyable and it was easy to command your horse to do the things you wanted to do.

That was until a fox jumped out of the wooded area effectively spooking your horse causing them to take off full sprint with you still on them. Well you were until they jumped over the fence line dropping you off onto the ground with a resounding thud. Groaning you rubbed your head having hit it on the edge of the fence hearing shouting coming closer by the second. “(Y/N), can you hear me? Are you alright?”Clint’s voice rang out, at least you thought it was Clint you were having trouble focusing before the world went dark.

Waking up you hear shouting again but this time there is a resounding bright light invading your eyes, and slowly you are able to understand what is being said. “You don’t understand they are my significant other! I need to be there when they wake up.”Clint was arguing with someone in a lab coat you could only assume was a doctor.

“Clint?”You called out hoarsely coughing slightly when you spoke. Quickly he pushed past the offending doctor making his way to your side.

“Oh thank god you are okay, you have a concussion I was so worried. They tried to keep me from seeing you thinking that I hurt you or something.”Clint rambled on until you pressed your finger to his lips silencing him.

“Significant other?”You asked raising your eyebrow curiously.

“Well I was going to formally ask you at dinner tonight, but I can’t wait any longer. Be mine?”He asked kissing the finger still pressed to his lips.

“I would be a fool to say no.”You said giggling lightly trying not to aggravate the headache growing worse by the minute.  

Bruce:

Today was finally the day! You were going to be graduating and becoming Doctor (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N) PHD with a doctorate in Environmental Science. Of course you invited Bruce, who insisted that The Avengers come as well. It was cute how proud he was of you and how he wanted everyone close to him to experience it with him. Putting on your cap and gown you looked in the mirror tearing up at the sight you had longed to see for your entire life. There was a knock on your door catching your attention so you walked over opening it. Smiling widely you let Bruce in excited to see him since you weren’t expecting to see him until after the ceremony. “Hey Brucie.”You greeted him affectionately hugging him tightly.

“Hey there is my future Doctor (Y/L/N) are you ready to do this?”Bruce asked blushing slightly at the nickname you had given him, but it was clear he liked it.

“I am a little nervous, but also excited to start the rest of my life!”You said ecstatically trying to contain yourself just a little, but you were still kind of bouncing all over the place.

“Speaking of that, the reason I’m here early is I wanted to ask you something kind of important. I am not really good at expressing my feelings often but here goes. When I met you for the first time it was like you just saw me Bruce, a normal everyday guy and not someone who has to deal with the other guy. While I have him under control most of the time, that doesn’t mean that something couldn’t happen and that I couldn’t still hurt you. Although I would like to think that the other guy would like you too but that’s beyond the point I’m trying to make and not ramble on. What I want to ask you is...will you be my significant other?”Bruce asked finally taking a breath after getting it all out.

“There is nothing I want more in this world Bruce, and you are just Bruce. Other guy or not, you are still you and that isn’t going to change. Neither is the way I feel about you.”You said leaning up kissing his cheek wrapping your arms around his waist resting your head on his chest listening to his heartbeat.

Thor:

The nervousness you felt deep in your soul as you held Thor’s hand was indescribable, sending you almost into a panic attack. Today he was taking you up to Asgard for the first time, and you were probably going to meet his parents. What if they didn’t like you? What were the two of you anyway? I mean he had never really asked you to be his, but at the same time he was taking you to his home. Another realm that you had only read about, and now you were going to be visiting a place of dreams. “Calm down Lady/Sir (Y/N), I promise it is not as scary as it seems. You won’t even really notice going through the bifrost.”He said reassuringly thinking that was why you were panicking.

“Okay.”You said smiling meekly at him and before you knew it you were in a city glittered in gold everywhere you looked. “It’s absolutely astounding.”You said in awe, circling around not even noticing Heimdall standing there watching you with an amused expression.

“Midgardian?”He asked Thor causing you to jump as you were now very aware of his presence but that only seemed to make him laugh.

“My mate.”Thor said proudly looking to you, not understanding your confused expression. “You are aren’t you? We have gone on many Midgardian dates.”He said a grand smile stretched across his face.

“Well usually you have to ask first and the other person has to accept, but of course I am Thor.”You explained chuckling knowing you should have realized that he did not exactly understand Midgardian customs, and you did not understand Asgardian ones for that matter which made you feel as out of place as he did on Midgard.

Loki:

A few days after the ball where you had spent the night together dancing and carrying on with one another, you found yourself in the very gardens you had visited with Loki as a child. Much to your surprise he sitting on a stone bench reading a novel of some sort. Walking near him, he seemed to finally notice your presence and it caused him to smile widely before placing the book down. “(Y/N) I was wondering if you were going to show up, you are a little later than usual.”He said alluding to the fact that you came out into the garden at that time every single day.

“I had to tend to Queen Frigga a little longer than normal tonight. Were you waiting long?”You asked not wanting to waste his time, it was after all a precious commodity these days when you could barely see one another as it was.

“No, not long. But I needed to see you again, after the other night you have been the only thing on my mind. I can’t promise you the world but I promise that I will be yours as long as you will be mine. So please do me the honor of letting me court you?”Loki asked closing the gap between you, holding out a fully bloomed Lotus blossom.

“There is no one I would rather be with my Lord.”You said seriously, only being formal because it was very important question in Asgardian dating culture. Reaching up you cupped his face lovingly, feeling him melt into your touch.

Pietro:

For his birthday you had gotten him a polaroid camera to capture memories with wherever he went. Somehow he always managed to catch you off guard and snap one of you when you weren’t even looking at him. Sure it annoyed you a little bit at first, but then again you did buy it for him to do with what he wanted. It confused you as to why he would want to waste film on candids of you but it made much more sense when he handed you a photo album he had been adding to for a little while now.

“Wanda helped me think of this so I can’t take all the credit as much as I would want to. She would know if I didn’t.”Pietro chuckled as you started flipping through it page by page. “I have been taking pictures of you as you know, but the reason is that you mean so much to me. When we were younger I used to dream of finding someone that I wanted to be with. Those dreams were dashed when our parents were killed, or at least I thought they were. That was until I met you and you were everything I dreamed of and more. This is so I will always be able to remember our time together, I don’t want to forget a moment, especially the little ones. I wasn’t expecting to fall for you, but I full on face planted.”He explained laughing a bit. “What I want to ask you is if you will be mine? I don’t think I could be without you.”

“Oh Piet, of course I will!”You exclaim tearing up at his words and his reasoning behind the photos. You never thought you were particularly attractive but through his eyes you could see there was more than you gave yourself credit for.

Peter Parker:

It was supposed to be a normal movie night with Peter, MJ, and Ned but sometime between the end of school and 7 PM when you guys were going to meet up at Peter’s the other two bailed leaving just you and Peter. Actually when you thought about it, you were excited to have a night alone with him. Part of you hoped he had actually arranged it that way, but the other part was less than optimistic. Sitting on his bed he started up the movie which was Jurassic Park, one that you both loved endlessly. Slowly you fell asleep during it, not even realizing that you were nodding off.

Awaking slowly you realized Peter was shaking you softly trying to rouse you from your slumber. “Sorry Pete.”You groaned sitting up rubbing the sleep out of your eyes feeling bad for falling asleep during movie night.

“It’s okay, it gave me time to do this.”Peter said smirking leading you out to your spot on the roof. Somehow he had formulated his web formula so he could put words into the webbing taking the idea from everyone’s favorite childhood book. ‘Charlotte’s Web’. Inside the web he had cast on the roof read the words. ‘Be mine?’ “Okay don’t freak out, but I’m kind of Spider-Man and I’m really not supposed to tell people this but I can’t keep the secret from you anymore and I really want to date you. Please don’t be mad at me?”He spat out looking at his feet still in the lower half of his suit only missing the mask.

“As long as you won’t be mad when I tell you that I kind of already knew, and my name is actually kind of (Y/N) Stark. I think you know my dad Tony very well.”You explained hesitantly not fully revealing all of your secrets just the important need to know information.

“Tony Stark is your...dad?”Peter asked fainting on the spot leaving you to clean up the webbing and get him into bed. Chuckling you placed a kiss on his forehead before heading home for the night, trying to figure out how to tell your father that you are dating Peter Parker.

Bucky:

As your sessions went on, it seemed that Bucky had regained a lot of the man he feels he used to be. The flirty nature that he once held was on the rise once again, and you were soaking up every minute. Unfortunately that meant others were picking up on it as well, especially at Stark’s various get togethers. Going over to the bar to get the two of you a drink, you noticed a pretty blonde lady trying to chat him up. While it didn’t appear that he was interested it still made you realize that there was no clear label between you two. What if you were just practice for someone that he had yet to meet?

Seemingly like he knew what was going on in your mind he left the woman’s side heading over to you wrapping an arm around your waist pulling you into him. “Dance with me doll?”He asked softly into your ear, earning a nod from you letting him lead you onto the dance floor. Hands placed softly on your hips, your wrists crossed behind his head, swaying back and forth to the music like no one else was around you. “You know I haven’t been able to figure out the best way to do this, so I just want to come out and say it… Will you be mine?”He asked whispering the last part in your ear.

“I would be honored James.”You said whispering your answer back into his ear, using his actual name since it was such an intimate moment. “Also took you long enough.”You laughed playfully pushing his shoulder earning a loud laugh from Sam who apparently heard you from across the room.

Sam:

After a rather hard mission Tony had decided he was going to take the Avenger’s and their significant others on a vacation. Getting the time off wasn’t the easiest but nothing could keep you from spending a week with Sam, even a job which in reality wasn’t the best anyway. Immediately as soon as you all touched down in Hawaii everyone was off to hit the beach and the waves. Seeing a little pagoda on the strip walking up, you and Sam decided to rent some surf boards. It had been a few years since you had surfed but you knew it was like riding a bicycle you just never forget.

Unfortunately you didn’t count on the swell being so unforgiving, as wave after wave crashed down effectively knocking you off your board being carried into the undertow. Unable to breach the surface you started saying your goodbyes in your mind, until a pair of strong arms pulled you onto the beach. The next thing you knew you were coughing and spitting up an insane amount of water. “Babe, oh god babe you are okay.”Sam said breathing heavily leaning over you the others rushing to your side. “I can’t believe I almost lost you.”He said tearing up pulling you into his chest.

“I’m sorry.”You apologize even though it was something that could happen to anyone. (Remember folks swim parallel to the beach and you will have a better chance of making it back to shore)

“No no, shh shh.”He said keeping you close to him for the rest of the day. As it fell into evening the sun was setting over the water, and the boys were building sandcastles while you watched on. Sam lightly picked you up and carried you over to the water’s edge. There in the sand he had written the words. ‘Be my significant otter?’ which made you laugh but also you thought it was the sweetest thing, especially after he saved your life.

“You know otters mate for life right?”You asked raising an eyebrow at him only to be met with his usual cocky grin and a nod. “Well if you are sure, then of course my otter.”

Natasha:

Somehow on a mission you had gotten separated from the others which while you were trained you weren’t exactly ready to solo by any stretch of the imagination. Reaching the room you were supposed to gather the selected intel you didn’t hear someone come up behind you sticking a needle into your neck. It didn’t take long before you were down for the count only to be woken up by a bucket of ice cold water being splashed on you. “Tell us where to find the other Avengers.”A voice commanded with a deep accent.

“Well that’s not going to happen.”You scoffed only to be met with a fist to the side of your face leaving a stinging sensation from the rings the man was wearing. Blood was now definitely trickling down your cheek. “Oooh wait until my friends get here, they aren’t going to like that you have treated me with such disrespect.”You said with a cocky grin earning you another punch to the face, and then one to the gut knocking the air out of your lungs. A loud bang was heard down the hall gaining the attention of the man interrogating you, but you knew exactly who it was.

The door busted open and the man was on the ground before he could even comprehend what was happening, a Widow’s Bite attached to his neck. “Are you alright?”Nat asked rushing over to you untying you checking out your wounds which in retrospect were a lot less severe than they could have been. “God, you aren’t ever leaving my sight again! Do you know what I would do without you? You’re mine you know.”She said trying not to show too much emotion but failing even for an assassin but it said a lot that she cared this much for you.

“I always will be Nat.”You said kissing her forehead trying to comfort her, but inside you were leaping for joy that finally you had her for your own.

Wanda:

When you were out shopping with everyone you had stopped in this little store that had a bunch of various antiques in it. Wanda was over with her brother looking at the vinyls to see if there was anything new they wanted to add to their collection. A necklace lay in the display case stating that it was a Vintage Royal Ruby Necklace, and while it was pricey it just screamed Wanda to you. Being super sly about it you made your purchase hiding it in your purse before anyone could notice. After dinner you asked her if she wanted to go for a walk with you, fully intending on asking her to be your girlfriend.

Leading the way holding her hand happily you kept using your other hand to pat your pocket to make sure that it was still there the entire time. If she noticed you doing this she didn’t say anything but once you finally reached the park you couldn’t stand it anymore. “Wanda I just want to tell you that since the day I met you, I have been the happiest person I’ve ever been. I am closer to you than anyone before, and I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t ask you to be my girlfriend. So will you be mine?”You asked holding the necklace out to her causing her to gasp.

“Of course draga! Where did you get this?”Wanda asked her mouth standing open as you placed it around her neck, clasping it in the back for her. “It is beautiful, unlike anything I have ever seen before.”

“Now you know how I feel when I look at you, and I got it at that cute little vintage shop we went to today. You were busy with Piet and when I saw it, I knew I had to get it for you.”You smiled hugging her tightly to your chest feeling like everything was right in the world for once.

[lady-literature]

In the Sky We Fall

Made for the Sanders Sides Big Bang, @ts-storytime

Summary: Names have power or Virgil might be a little in love and a lot scared.

Pairings: platonic/pre-relationship Patton/Virgil, established Patton/Logan/Roman

Warnings: Swearing, self doubt, slight unreliable narrator, non-graphic attempted suicide (I gloss over it a bit)

Apart of the same series: All Hail the Consort of Darkness | Roman’s Daughters | Ease My Pain and Soothe My Worries | The Gods are Dead

Read on Ao3

The Sky Court is a new place. Or, well. It’s an old place, Virgil can feel the deep thrum of ancient magic, older than Time himself and that says much more in the way of the Court’s age than Virgil can express. But it’s a new place to the gods. Two in specific.

Him and Spring. Or rather, Night and Day here?

Virgil doesn’t know, but he think he likes the sound of being called ’Night’.

His duties always seemed to be the worst when he was merely a Season. He must control the harvest and the crops and make sure the humans had enough food to survive the winter and also a little extra so they could worship him so he could continue protecting them and make sure that the balance was steady and he was dropping temperatures just the right amount and a million other things. It was a tiring and taxing duty and he is eighty-five percent sure that the other seasons didn’t have nearly as much work.

Painting the leaves is nice despite the repetition, but he finds little joy in his other duties as Autumn.

But now he wished he could go back to when he had the worst job.

Corralling the night sky is not easy by any means. The stars are fire and heat and ice. They refuse to sit still and only by sheer force of will can Virgil contain them to their seats so travelers may find their way across the great Earth. The moon is heavy in his hands as he holds it up, slowly, ever so slowly, carving it’s path across the night sky. He alone, stays awake when other sleep. Spends his time in suffocating silence, only the monsters rattling through the forest below to keep him company. His Night is a lonely time with no one to speak with. Though, it’s not like anyone speaks to him when they’re awake anyway.

And for a fourth of the year he must do all of this while continuing as Autumn.

His mantel is a heavy one to bear but he would never complain about it. Would never say a word on how its too much despite how he feels he’s breaking under the weight of his duties.

Because now Spring suffers under the burden he bears and it is so much worse. Virgil would give anything to take it from him but he can’t.

Spring has become the Solar Queen, God of Daylight. He’s become a god of Many Things and now has a Name, he is now a true god.

Virgil doesn’t remember ever not having his Name. And still, the humans keep giving him more things to look over.

He is Autumn, the Protector, King of Stars, God of Night, the Ruler of Shadows. He is so many things. So many roles. He wishes the humans would stop giving him more to do. He is very tired.

Virgil has told no one what his name is. As much as he cares about the other gods, they care little for him. He does not trust them but he will protect them with his life. He protects his own. He protects what is his.

Except right now he is failing. And he wants to pull out his hair and destroy a mountain because Spring is burning and tired and the sun refuses to settle. To be controlled.

And Spring must pay the price. Spring, the kindest of gods, the god who was the most broken and yet he is so bright and kind and amazing. And now he burns because Virgil couldn’t do his job.

Spring ends the day tired. His hands blistering and skin blackened and peeling and flaking off his arms in a sickening manner. He is a god and so he heals but the pain within the mind will stay. And the scars that cover his palms are a constant reminder of his painful position in the Sky Court.

Spring never cries, the heat of the sun dries the moisture in his eyes before he could even summon the thought of tearing up. Spring doesn’t cry, but sometimes Virgil can hear him scream. He screams and whimpers and shouts until his voice is hoarse. He sobs without the mercy of tears when he thinks no one is around to hear him. They are horrible, earth shattering feelings. Sounds that should never leave the mouth of such a wonderfully light being.

But there is nothing Virgil can do about it and it grates against him like a symphony of sour notes. Screeching inside him and setting his teeth on edge.

The best he can do is pass along as much power to Spring as possible. He leaves tree branches and flowers steeped in his magic on the throne of the court. Gifts for his equal in godhood. A symbol of good grace and well wishes. Magic told him once that it was a custom performed in the human world. Perhaps not something so personal, but a gift is a gift.

He doesn’t know the scientific properties of the plants he leaves, that’s more Winter’s area. And he certainly doesn’t know what they mean because that’s Spring’s, but he leaves them all the same. They’re gone the next night when Virgil shows up to raise the moon and confine the stars, so he hopes Spring likes them. Hope they give him the boost he needs to get through the Day.

He’s not sure if their magic is compatible, but he hopes all the same.

In the beginning there was nothing. Only the darkness of universe. Only molten rocks that were not yet planets and clouds of gas that were not yet stars. Only Space.

And then, from this nothing and Space, stepped out Time.

They were the first and pushed everything into motion, no longer were things stagnant. No longer were things still.

Suddenly, everything was moving and the Beginning of Things fired off in rapid succession.

Everything tumbled and crashed and exploded into a million different beginnings. A million different things. Everything had started and it would be so very very long before they once again stopped. Before everything ended once more and began anew.

But for now, in the beginning, Time became the ruler of Light, Space grew to infinity and oversees all, Mother Earth bloomed from the dust of scattered stars and molten rock. Magic burst from the core of a dying star, and Wisdom flew into existence and granted the others with awareness and control over their violent powers.

Many others would join the ranks of the Benevolent, and many of the Benevolent would change and grow. But not until after the earth.

Not until the Humans came.

It’s one day, as Virgil leaves his customary gift of magic upon the throne, that something changes.

During the night the Court of Sky is bathed in deep blues and calming purples, black accents detailing small pieces and bio-luminescent rocks and moss lighting the walls.  It’s simple and homey. The throne was the most elaborate piece within his Court. It was silver and intricately carved with his favorite constellations and the many phases of the moon. Plush velvet the color of lilacs covered the seat and pillows of the darkest blue were nestled into the corners. The Throne was unnecessarily fancy but it was comfortable so Virgil couldn’t complain.

Virgil doesn't know what Spring’s Court looks like, but he knows it changes when Day arrives.

Virgil still doesn’t know what Spring’s court looks like. Can’t, because it’s only when Spring is alone does the Court fully shift. But what Virgil does know is what the in between looks like.

He knows this because as he sets the flower upon the seat--some sort of orchid Virgil doesn’t know the name of--in-between the space of one blink and the next, the lilac of the cushion turns to creamy pink and the silvery night sky carved into the back has shifted to the early morning sky in rose golds.

Virgil tenses and spins around, flower grasped in his left hand, miraculously uncrushed, while he calls upon his magic in the other. Calls the shadows to lengthen and curl into the palm of his hand, thick and heavy and inky black.

Before him stands The God of Daylight himself. A wide smile gracing his lips despite the surprise displayed clearly in his terribly expressive eyes.

He looks different than what Virgil remembers him to be. Spring is greens and blues and purples. Flowers tangled in his colorful hair, and laughter dancing around him. Spring is joy and wonder and growth.

Now, he is bathed in golds and white and rosy pinks like the dawn sky he’s stood against. Upon his head sits a crown of golden sunlight, spun into the shapes of flowers. His cape shimmers with magic, shifting around him despite there being no wind to move it.

Stood before Virgil is who the humans call the Solar Queen. He finds that he would like to be anywhere else right now.

The Solar Queen tilts his head to the side, smile shifting into something different but no less happy. His eyes seem too knowing with their golden glow and Virgil thinks it is entirely unfair because he certainly doesn’t know what’s happening right now.

“My King,” The Solar Queen says, curtsying, his golden tea-length dress shifting in mesmerizing ways and wow that was not what Virgil expected him to say.

“I- what the hell?” The smile falls from the Queen’s face and Virgil feels like he’s kicked a puppy and dammit look what he did this time-

“Oh no! Did I do it wrong?” The Queen worries, “Winter said that it was a customary greeting between monarchs, though we aren’t really monarchs, I guess? But we didn’t really know what you’re like. So we guessed formal would be a good start. Was it not? Did I make you uncomfortable? I’m sorry! Oh, I can’t believe I messed it up already. Summer's going to laugh at me and-”

Virgil blinked in the face of The Queen’s rambling. He was… not what he expected. Not what he remembered.

Though, it has been a century or so. And the last major interaction they had, well… it wasn’t a great to say the least. Wasn’t good for any of them really.

“No, no, no. It’s fine! I was just… surprised.” Virgil pauses before saying fuck it in his head and goes for it. He bows at the waist, as he’s seen human rulers do on occasion. He’s pretty sure he’s doing it wrong but too late now he guesses. “My Queen.”

When he straightens again, the sunshine smile is back his counterpart’s face and Virgil gives him a half smile in return because he doesn’t have the strength to deny him anything and wow again because where did that thought come from?

“Is that for me?”

Virgil is surprised by the change in topic and he must see it because he continues, albeit shyly.

“The flower? Is that for me?” the smile he now wears is small and uncertain. Virgil’s eyes widen when he realizes that yes he is still holding the flower and yes this is in fact the most awkward moment of his life and boy would it be a great time to just jump off the edge of the Court right about now.

Instead of jumping off, (because, while Virgil isn’t positive, he’s fairly certain it would be seen as rude and that is the last thing he wants or needs right now) Virgil holds the flower out to the Queen. It’s practically drowning in his magic, the flower’s colors darker than they should be but little bits shimmering out like stars.

Delicately, he takes the bloomed orchid into his hands. Gentle in a way Virgil has never seen anyone behave before. A small smile tugs on his lips as he looks at Day, who is lightly touching the petals with a glowing finger. After a moment he places the flower in between the other flowers of sunlight that make up the crown he wears.

After a moment, Virgil watches, eyes widened in amazement, as the orchid starts glowing a deep purple before a brilliant gold begins to bleed into it, brighter than the other flowers and shimmering with a life of its own. Then, it began to dim, becoming solid streaks of sunlight nestled into Day’s hair like the rest of the flowers.

Day takes in a deep breath as the last of it turns, before releasing it in a puff of sparkling air.

His eyes open and they are a brilliant golden, honey color. “Thank you.”

Numbly, Virgil replies, “My pleasure,” before disappearing in a burst of shadow because he doesn’t know what just happened and he can’t stand there anymore.

He hopes Day doesn’t hate him for leaving without so much as a goodbye.

When Time was a young god, not yet fully in control of his powers, not yet wise enough and much too kind, he fell in love for the first time.

And with a human no less!

The name of the mortal was lost to time, but it is known that he was a sailor. Born on the sea and bred with salt water in his veins, the Ocean as his first love. He was nothing special–a nose too big for his face, honey colored eyes, dark brown hair worn in braids. Nothing that should catch the attention of a god.

But the human was kind. And for Time, who sees cruelty again and again, kindness was enough. The two lived happily for many years. They had a cabin built along the shore, a boat that Time learned to sail on, and a mortal name for Time. A name Time wouldn’t change for as long as he lived.

But kindness is not enough for the Ocean and she eventually claims all who love her too much.

The loss of his first love broke Thomas, who was unused to grief, unused to sadness. The earth broke beneath his sobs, the four winds howled along with his cries, the clouds mimicked his tears and flooded the land.  Chaos rained upon the earth and no one escaped the suffering.

The pain in Thomas’ chest grew until he couldn’t handle the pain anymore, he’d rather be empty. He’d rather be gone. He’d rather be dead.

And so Thomas ripped the still beating heart from his own chest, gold dripping from his hands and a scream tearing from his already raw throat. Thomas threw it upon the ground.

His heart shattered upon impact. Splintering and scattering across the sand.

Mother Earth–who had been watching Thomas, worried and sympathetic–was horrified by what she saw. To rip out one’s own heart is to sentence oneself to emptiness. She couldn’t let him share the same fate as her sister, and so poured her life magic into the pieces. Hoping beyond hope that she could save him.

But her magic had unseen consequences. Instead of stitching the pieces together, she created something new. A garden bloomed from the smallest pieces. The gladioli, ambrosia, the snake and many other things. But from the four biggest pieces, came the Seasons. Young and new and wide eyed with knowledge they shouldn’t have. An entirely new creation. Manifestations rather than true Gods.

The four Manifestations came into the world in silence. Their faces young and childlike and exact copies of Time. Their eyes wide as they remembered memories not their own, Emotions not theirs. Pain sharp and biting and the first thing they feel.

And then came the cacophony of noise and pain. Their harsh broken sobs and choked off screams heard all across the world.

The Seasons were born from the largest parts of Thomas’ heart. They were created from the remnants of a broken heart, shattered pieces and jagged edges. Sharp and barbed and crooked in the most horrible ways.

Winter was curled into the ground hands clawing at his head trying to get rid of the images pounding against his skull. The memories and the sounds and the sights and smells and and- He lacked the feelings that went with the memories but everything was still so much. Too many details. Too many things. It was too much makeitmakeitSTOP!

(When the onslaught of information settles, Winter will promise to never fall to the emotions that join those memories. He will bury himself in logic and facts, discarding frivolous sentiment in hopes of protecting himself. Because if the sights and sounds are so painful, how could he possibly survive the emotions that go with them?)

(The answer is that he won’t.)

Summer was the only one able to stand, he was bred from fantasy. The might-have-beens and the what-if’s. Summer wasn’t sad. Summer was angry. His young-too-old eyes burned with the strength of his wrath. The future was torn from them and he was furious. He screamed his anger at the sky and the ground blacked beneath his flames. Volcanoes rose with his fury and cities were bathed in fire.

(Summer buries himself in fantasy and the beds of mortals. He hopes he can find another like his-Time-Summer’s first love. He searches for centuries.)

(He eventually stops looking.)

Autumn had curled into himself, making himself as small as possible. The quietest of the four, he hadn’t made a sound besides a whimper when it first came crashing down on him. The area around him had blackened. Turned to dust and acid and smoke. He brought death with his grief, with his guilt, with his fear. Autumn was terrified and jumped at every noise, flinched at every movement.

(When he’s able to get his wits about him, he will be too scared to let anyone near him like that ever again. He will push others away, snap and bite and claw at everyone to make sure he keeps his heart safe and untouched.)

(He will only succeed for so long.)

Spring was the worst. He was screaming and sobbing and broken. His form flickered and jumped and cracked like he wasn’t actually there. Spring was the biggest piece of Thomas’ heart. He had been created from the feelings of the lost love. The happiness, the love, the grief, the loss, everything. Spring was supposed to be the creation of new things. Beautiful things. But the things he created that day were grotesque. Twisted and horrible and aggressive. He’d created monsters in reflection of the pain he felt.

The monsters still wander the earth to this day.

(After, Spring will promise to never let himself fall that far from control again. Never feel that helplessly sorrowful. Never again create such horrible things.)

(He will not be able to keep that promise forever.)

Mother Earth was horrified that she had created creatures born from pain and she raced to help them find peace. To dull the pain, but there was little to do about mental and emotional distress. You cannot heal the heart with magic.

No one knows how long it took to calm down the young Manifestations. But eventually they grew into their positions.

Mother Earth’s plan had worked. Though she regretted the pain she caused that day, she could not bring herself to regret the creation of the new gods, to regret saving Thomas’ heart; his soul. With Thomas’ heart living on in these new gods, and woven into her very soil, Thomas could still feel joy and anger and sorrow. He would still be kind and empathetic. He would still be the shining light she knew and loved. And he would stay that way until the earth died. Until she herself shattered and splinted apart.

The Seasons are tied to Thomas by life. By emotions and personality and pain.

None of them would have it any other way.

The next time Virgil sees Day, it has been months, perhaps even years. The two are busy gods, and to not see another for that long is not unusual, at least for Virgil anyway. A decade is the blink of an eye for gods, merely a heartbeat in the grand scheme of things. But when the two cross paths again, Virgil simultaneously feels as if it has been an age and still not enough time.

Day is still there when Virgil arrives one evening, standing next to a pillar, looking out over the mortal realm below. His skirt is singed and his hands are still smoking. He looks bone weary and tired but when he turns to Virgil his face lights up.

As if Virgil is something wonderful.

As if Virgil can make someone happy just by being around.

“Night!” Day moves toward the other god before stopping halfway, a blush spreading across his darkened skin. “Oh, or would you.. Uh- My King? Or Autumn? I don’t really…” He trailed off, with a nervous laugh. He tucked a length of hair behind his ear before reaching up to fiddle with the lily nestled in his hair.

“Call me Night,” Virgil said, eyes following the movement of his hand before blinking harshly, wrapping his arms around himself protectively. “If you want to, that is. I’m not saying that you have to or anything! I just- I thought you-”

“I like Night,” Day said, cutting into his rambling before it got to out of hand. “I like Autumn too, but I think it fits here.” he waved a hand around the court, a small smile of his face. His smile grew wider, “You could be a Night in shining armor!”

Virgil blinks. Did- did Day just make a pun?

Day is stood there, eyes shining with mirth and a wide shit eating grin on his face.

Oh, dear gods he did. The Solar Queen, God of Daylight just made a gods awful pun.

About him.

Virgil chokes on his laughter, disbelief in his eyes as he raised a hand to cover his mouth. Mirth leaking into his posture as he giggled.

Day’s smile grew impossibly wide at the sight.

“That was awful,” Virgil stated when he stopped, hand still over his mouth. “I also wouldn’t call myself the type to wear armor.”

Day waved a hand, “That’s fine. Summer likes the knights more anyway. You though!” Day closed the distance between them. Walking around him, poking and examining his cloak. Virgil subtly curled in at the attention. “You remind me of the mortal magicians. Or the druids! They like wearing cloaks too. Too bad, Magic already has a claim on the magic folk. I think you’d like them a lot!”

“Thank you? But why would-”

“Oh!” Day interrupted looking down over the edge of the Court. “Sorry, Night, but I have to go. It’s been wonderful talking with you!” he grabbed his hands and all Virgil could think about was how rough and warm they were. “And thank you for the flowers, see you in the morning!” And with that he was gone and the Court melted into Nighttime.

Virgil stood there for a moment longer wondering what had happened before deciding it was best not to question the other gods. He wouldn’t understand their reasoning anyway.

Instead he decided it was better to just get the night over with, he had a job to do.

The Shifting Period.

A time between seasons, lasting a few weeks before the solstice or equinox. The Manifestations use this time to rest and organize. To spend time with their lovers whom they can only see so many times a year.

Summer arrives with heat and fire and love. He overtakes Spring with passion as temperatures rise and Spring gladly passes on the helm with a kiss so tender and loving it makes Summer melt. Giggles and spins and stories pass between the two light hearted manifestations. Summer wraps himself around Spring, rejuvenating him before filling the world with heat and sunshine and laughter.

When Autumn falls it is with hesitance, with shaking hands and harsh words softened by familiarity. With gentle kisses and clutching embraces. Hushed reassurances that all will be fine, that autumn will come as it must no matter what he does. That everything will be fine and that you will do amazing, my color. My Tree, my love. I believe in you and all your capable of.

Winter shows up abruptly, walking in late with papers under his arms or early with everything planned for the next three months. There is rarely an in-between stage for the wisest of Manifestations. Autumn shrugs off his power with relief, and winter takes it unceremoniously. Reassurances pass through pale lips and soft touches are traded as Winter ushers Autumn to rest with soft kisses to his head.

Spring returns with love and light. Rosy nicknames and sunny laughter. Flowers grow in his wake and bloom as Spring takes Winter in his hands and melts the frost from his heart and the ice in his gaze. Spring lavishes Winter with hope and color and Winter will never speak of how much he loves these moments but he holds them dearly.

Of course though, it had not always been this way.

Back in the beginning, when the gods were young and yet to truly find there places in the ranks of the Benevolent, the passing of seasons was a rocky one. Filled with hesitance and sharp turns and volatile weather patterns.

“I just don’t understand why you’re so interested in him, Patton. It’s obvious what he thinks of us. He’d rather hang around the dead.”

“Perhaps they are quieter company. The Heavens know I would enjoy some.”

Roman huffs from where he was adjusting his adjournments in the mirror, a sour look twisting his features as he looks over his shoulder. “I take personal offence to that.”

“He’s lonely,” Patton says from his place looking out the window, interrupting the squabble before it can begin. The three gods are sitting in the one of Logan’s libraries, the one that Patton doesn’t think has an end.

Behind him, Roman scoffs. Patton spins around to look at him. “He is.”

“Autumn has made little effort to befriend any of the pantheon as far as I know. If he is lonely would he not seek companionship?” Logan offers from where he is lounging, scrolls floating around him listlessly as he jumps from one to another.

“I… I don’t know. He’s different than us, it’s like he assumes the worst. Like he’s… scared.”

“Scared? We’ve hardly done anything to scare him,” Roman says, laughing incredulously as the mirror vanishes with a flick of his wrist.

Patton worries his bottom lip, eyes turning to look out the window again. Quietly, he says, “Maybe he was created scared.”

Roman and Logan stop breathing and the air in the room turns stale.

“Patton, that- We don’t know what he-”

“Exactly! We don’t know.” Patton stands and flowers sprout up from where he’d been sitting. “We act like we know everything about him but we don’t know anything! He’s hiding from us and I want him to know that he’s safe with me. With us.”

Logan and Roman share a look. The one where Patton knows they’re agreeing to humor him but they don’t really understand. And-

Ugh!

Why is he the only one that cares? Autumn is a piece of them. He’s a season, they are tied together by fate and life and thousands of other things. Patton just wants all four of them to have cuddle piles and kisses and happiness! Autumn deserves happiness. Everyone deserves happiness.

And Patton knows that he can give it to him. He knows it like he knows how to make flowers grow and push the sun across the sky. Knows it with every fiber of his being, it burns in him. How do the others not know--not feel this certainty?

Roman opens his mouth to placate Patton, to soothe him with empty promises and sweet words.

He doesn’t stay long enough to listen to him.

Virgil was one of the four Seasons, a fragment and a god in his own right. He ruled over the Void, he commanded shadows, he brewed the storms that rocked the seas. He ruled the Darkness itself and held it in his hands. The shades of the underworld called him confidant, friend, brother and he returned to them regularly.

It was no secret he was a god of unnatural things. That he didn't neatly fit into the hierarchy of the gods sacred pantheon.

Most humans believed him to be an unfavorable god. That his temper was like the storms he looked over, his heart as black as night.

But there were few, the followers he gained that worshiped him, those that loved him more than their own lives, those that had heard the stories whispered in back alleys where the desperate hide. Those that were wise enough to know that what you do is not necessarily who you are.

They knew otherwise.

Virgil housed the lonely, the forgotten, the outcast. He befriended the abused, the suicidal and the grief stricken. He took in all whom others refused and he gave them a home and friends and a family. Those who would understand their pain and hardship without looking down on them.

He helped them when others wouldn't. And because of who followed him, he would visit as much as he could. Grant as many prayers as possible.

Eventually, his followers became known as The Protectors of Meus, a nomadic cult with him as their attentive, patron god. They were a secretive cult, closely holding the identities of all members to their chests in fear of the ridicule they might face. They feared what those who didn’t understand would say about them, how they would react.

And still, they welcomed all new comers with open arms, as their god would wish them too. They were fiercely loyal to their fellow members and made sure to protect those who needed protecting. They supported each other and were more of a family than most had ever known.

Virgil gazed upon his following and thinks that this might be one of the few things he did right. That he made a home for people so different and so similar to connect and grow and support one another. He looks down on them and feels a burning in his chest, a fierce love unrivaled by any other in the pantheon. And he felt, at the base of his skull, how they loved him equally as much.

For his followers he would do anything. Even lay the burning earth at their feet if they so asked.

And it was this love, this passion that killed him. It broke and beat him down time and time again.

His cult was a loving one, but it was built on the love for others, by those who don’t know how to love themselves. His cult did not sacrifice, and still it saw the most death despite that. They were feared for the trail of burning pyres they left in their wake. Outsiders see it as a warning, but to members, it’s a reminder of sadness and pain.

He has lost so many followers. Felt their final moments like acid at the base of his skull, felt their tears burn down his cheeks and the sting of the knife in his skin.

In the beginning he’d fall to his knees sobbing and scared and alone. He’d wonder what he did wrong, how he could’ve been better, wishing he’d done more.

But then the pain would fall away and he’d know it was over, that it was too late. Always too late.

He’d stay on the ground, sobbing and shaking and gasping for breath he didn’t need. He’d stay and mourn for another one lost. Another soul he’d find among the crowds in the land of the dead. Another friend he would make too late.

Now, he carries the pain like the armor Roman wears. Wrapped around him as a reminder and a protection. The pain is always there, in the back of his mind, screaming and clawing and painful. But he has had many years to get used to the endless pain.

It never stops, but he thinks that he might have contributed to it not being so much. Thinks he might have slowed it down.

At least, that’s what he hopes.

The meetings became a pattern.

Every morning and evening they would stay a little later, or show up a bit earlier to speak with each other. It was something that Virgil found himself looking forward to. Day was the only other god besides Thomas -and occasionally Magic- that talked to him without getting upset or angry.

Their interactions couldn’t last long. A few minutes, a half hour if they pushed it. Day would greet him with a joke or pun and they would talk about what was happening in the mortal world. Or, Day would talk. Virgil preferred to listen to him speak, he found it calming.

And it’s not like Virgil had much to say anyway. He didn’t spend much time around the others or in the mortal world. If he wasn’t in the Hall or Court, he preferred the Underworld. Most stayed away, but Virgil liked the peaceful atmosphere. The cozy feeling of the blue fire torches and the glow of the spirits. The giant cavern that echoed and the stones on the ceiling glittering like stars. Stars that Virgil didn’t have to coral.

And the dead made surprisingly good company, though most didn’t seem to think so. Virgil thinks those people are stupid.

But one evening, when Day was just about to leave he suddenly stopped and turned back to Virgil. For the past week, the conversations between them had been stilted, what with Virgil having just taken on the Mantle as the Crowned Season until winter comes. He had to make sure everything on earth, as well as in the sky, flowed smoothly and was working double time as a result. Working was never something he enjoyed, but the beginning of the season was a particularly painful time for Virgil.

His relationship with Summer had never been good as far as he was concerned. Summer seemed to have this innate dislike for the nebulous god. Seeming to think him unnecessary and overly gloomy. He had even accused Virgil of not being a true Manifestation of Thomas’ heart in an argument once.

That particular declaration had killed Virgil on the inside but it’s not like he would show it. He is the protector, not the protected.

Which made his relationship with Summer so much worse. Summer who loathes to even be near Virgil, is a part of those few that Virgil must protect. It’s his purpose, the first he was given. He was born a Season, but he was chosen for this. Chosen even as he stood motionless in the garden, paralyzed by the fear and grief.

Summer was a reminder that even those he’s meant to protect, those meant to be his, don’t want him. They don’t trust him and certainly don’t like him.

But the past few months with Day had been nice, and Virgil had almost forgotten. Had almost started to hope.

But then autumn came and with it Summer, and all that hope was shattered like glass, spread out around him in shards and pieces. And Virgil was reminded of where he fit in the pantheon, in the ranks of the Benevolent.

All the way at the bottom, where no one would care if he was there or not.

He had to remember that, even though Day stood there, looking at him with such concern and sadness in his eyes. It wasn’t real, or at least not the way Virgil wanted it to be. Day became his friend out of pity or some sense of obligation or just overexposure wore him down eventually.

“Night, I-” Day started. “I know you don’t seem to like us very much-”

Virgil had to hold back a strangled noise he felt crawling up his throat. He didn’t like them?

“But I just- I want you to know that we… that I-” Day opens and closes his mouth before making a frustrated noise, unable to find the right words for what he’s trying to say.

“Spring, are you-”

“You always seem so- so scared . And I don’t know why, and you don’t have to tell me but I- You have to know that I--that we-- care and- and you may not really believe me when I say that but, it’s true. It’s true and I’m not- I don’t really know how to prove it other than…” Day takes a deep breath. “Patton.”

Virgil furrows his brows, not understanding what Day is trying to communicate and the brighter god continues. “My name is Patton.”

It happens in an instant. The power settling over him and seeping into his very bones. Wrapping itself around his own magic, into the shadows of his heart and mind, and filling the remaining spaces with light. The warmth floods out from his heart, filling him up in all the empty cracks of his being. Heat seeps into his… everything  and it feels like he’s on fire. But he is not burning.

Virgil doesn’t think he’s allowed to burn anymore.

“You don’t have to say yours.” Day-Spring- Patton’s (Patton. Patton, Patton, Patton. His name is Patton. He told Virgil his name and its Patton.) words echo within him. They fill him up with warmth and light and happiness and suddenly Virgil has to try very hard in order to not cry.

“I’m not going to force you into anything. I wouldn’t ever think of trying! I just- I want you to know that… I trust you, okay? I trust you even if you can’t trust me.” Patton smiles, wide and hopeful and happy while Virgil still stands there dumbfounded and unable to move or speak, before suddenly he’s gone. Disappeared in a flurry of sunflowers and lilies.

And Virgil is left alone in the Court. Unable to fully understand what had just happened. Unable to truly believe that Patton had just given him his Name.

But he did. He did because Virgil can feel the pulse of his magic, can feel the life tied to his now.

Oh, Earth Mother, save him, what has he gotten himself into now?

[anne-wentworth]

Suit and Tie

At a gala, the most eligible bachelors of the city are auctioned off for charity. Oliver never thought that Felicity Smoak would be the one to win a date with him. Rival CEO au of sorts ??

Read on ao3

Oliver stepped onto the stage, along with all of the other eligible bachelors of Starling City, ready to be auctioned off like a piece of meat.

That wasn’t fair. It was for charity after all.

Turns out that people would pay a lot for a date with the city’s finest men.

Usually, Oliver didn’t mind. In fact, if he was being honest, he enjoyed it a little. It stroked his ego. And the winner was usually a leggy blonde or brunette, he wasn’t picky with his preferences, which was an added bonus.

But this year...his heart just wasn’t in it.

He wasn’t sure what changed but all of a sudden he was tired.

Something in him yearned for something more but he didn’t know what.

What else could he possibly want anyway?

He already had everything.

Yet that nagging feeling tugging at his stomach wouldn’t leave him alone. Maybe his mother’s endless lectures about his image and playboy lifestyle were finally getting to him.

Or maybe he realized that he wasn’t the kind of person his father would be proud of.

He didn’t know but being around girls who only wanted him for his money and guys who only wanted to be his friend because of his name was becoming exhausting.

It was like his world broke but he was the only one who knew.

“Our next bachelor is none other than the CEO of Queen Consolidated himself....Oliver Queen!” the woman announced, breaking him out of his thoughts.

Plastering on a smile for the cheering crowd, Oliver walked to the center of the stage.

But it wasn’t long before he tuned out again, losing track of who placed their bids on him and at what price. He couldn’t tell anyone apart anyway with everyone wearing masks to fit the theme of a masquerade.

He had arrived at the event with his own face bare, the mask he wore for the public being enough.

“Sold to number thirty four!” the announcer exclaimed and the room applauded again, although now it was mixed with murmurs of disappointment.

Oliver’s eyes fell to the woman holding the card with thirty four printed on it. Her blonde hair fell in loose waves around her shoulders, matching her golden mask. Her lips were painted a deep red, the same shade of her dress. He couldn’t help but notice the way it hugged her figure perfectly, as if it was made specifically for her.

At least she was hot.

He made his way off the platform, heading towards her to politely introduce himself as a man in a tux passed around to collect the placards.

Oliver was always the last one to be ‘sold.’ He was the main event.

Sauntering up to the blonde, he flashed her his award winning grin.

And then she removed her mask.

Oliver blinked in surprise, standing there like an idiot as he forgot how to speak.

Felicity Smoak.

The CEO of Smoak Industries was his biggest competitor. She was his rival. And from their brief interactions in the past, he gathered that she hated him. Which was fine because he hated her too.

At least that’s what he told himself anyway.

“You bought me?” he finally asked when he found his voice.

“Yeah...” she trailed off awkwardly and Oliver could see the flashes of regret in her eyes.

“Why?”

“It seemed like a fun thing to do,” she shrugged nonchalantly but he felt the uncertainty radiating off her.

“Why?” he repeated because he was still shrouded in confusion.

“I may have drunk too much champagne,” she admitted with a wince, nervously running her fingers through her curls.

At that, Oliver let out a laugh.

Of course she did.

Felicity visibly relaxed at the sound and a warmth settled within him.

“You’re such a lightweight,” he teased.

“Shut up,” she grumbled, swiveling on her heel and heading towards the open bar.

With the corners of his mouth still turned up, he found himself following her.

His night just got a lot more interesting.

She leaned against the counter where she discarded her mask, sipping on a new flute of champagne. He sidled up next to her in silence, not exactly sure what to say.

Oliver always thought that there was something lonely about her. It reminded him of himself. But tonight there was an air of sadness around her too.

He wondered what she was trying to drink away.

“I hate that the press are always here at these things,” she mumbled, shooting a glare at one of the journalists from Star Magazine.

As Oliver followed her gaze, he suddenly remembered watching her talk to a woman in a gold mask earlier. Even with half her face hidden, he had been able to sense her annoyance as she wore a frown that continued to deepen. He had only been half paying attention though, flitting from one investor to the next as he tried to avoid getting roped into an interview himself.

Now however, he wanted to know more.

“Well it is a gala for charity,” he said. “You know the rich can’t do anything charitable without publicizing it.”

“Right,” she replied, her lips quirking up. “Because then what would be the point?”

“Exactly.”

She sipped her drink with a small smile and Oliver tried not to stare.

Her smile had just become his new favourite thing.

Quickly, he pushed the thought aside. Yet he couldn’t deny that there was something about her that was absolutely enchanting.

Oliver had barely touched a drink all night. However he didn’t need alcohol to make impulsive decisions.

So as the music began to swell and couples started making their way onto the dance floor, he asked the most important question in the world.

“Will you dance with me?”

“I didn’t think dancing was your thing. Outside of clubs I mean,” she said.

Her words stung but it wasn’t like he could be angry. After all, that was the reputation he had built for himself.

“I’ll make an exception tonight,” he said softly.

“How many girls have you used that line on?” she snorted but her eyes were shining.

“I lost track a while ago,” he said with a shrug.

Oliver couldn’t possibly remember every girl he had flirted with.

But tonight he meant it.

“Fine,” she eventually sighed, downing the rest of her champagne before taking his hand in hers.

He hid his surprise as he led her out onto the floor. She threw her arms around his neck while he placed hers at her waist, sparks erupting in his heart.

Suddenly, she rested her head on his chest and everything in Oliver stilled.

“I’m tipsier than I thought,” she groaned against him.

“Told you you’re a lightweight,” he responded, unable to resist his grin.

She muttered something under her breath and he thought he caught the word ass but Oliver was nothing short of delighted.

They swayed slowly amidst the other couples and he was aware that he was basically holding her up but he didn’t care. He wouldn’t mind holding her forever.

It was a dangerous thought that snuck its way into his brain but this time, he didn’t shove it in a corner.

Oliver had always been intrigued by the woman who graduated MIT at the age of nineteen and built an empire by twenty four. Felicity was a genius in every way possible and when she set up shop in Starling City and gave his family’s business a run for its money Oliver was impressed.

But it was clear that he wasn’t the only one who put on a persona for the public.

However tonight was different. The tides were changing, something shifting beneath their feet.

With Felicity in his arms, Oliver could breath again.

“So why were you trying to drown yourself in champagne?” he inquired gently.

A long pause followed and he was beginning to think that she wasn’t going to answer at all when she finally spoke.

“The journalist earlier was talking to me and saying how I’m doing so well and everything but of course she had to bring up the fact that I’m not seeing anyone. She was talking about how I don’t have anyone to share my success with like firstly I don’t need to share my success with anyone it’s all mine thank you very much. It wouldn’t have really bothered me but my cousin just got engaged so the only thing my mother can ask me lately is when am I going to get settled down because you know that’s the most important thing in the world.”

Her speech was slurred a bit and even though she obviously tried to hide it, the bitterness in her tone was unmistakable.

“I’ve been on Forbes thirty under thirty three times already but all my mother cares about is that I don’t have a husband yet,” she said with a harsh laugh.

Oliver knew what it felt like to disappoint his mother far too well. But he never fathomed that someone as exceptional as Felicity would share such feelings.

She was perfect.

His heart broke for her a little.

“Oh wow I ramble even more than usual when I’m drunk,” she said in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Oliver didn’t take the bait.

“I’ve been running the company for five years now but all my mother is concerned about is my image and what people think of me,” he confessed quietly. “In her eyes...I’ll never be able to fill my father’s shoes.”

It was something that he had never said out loud.

But for Felicity, he voiced the thing that haunted him most.

“I think you do a great job with QC,” she said, almost a whisper.

Sunlight surged throughout his veins, pulling him into a sort of comfort he hadn’t experienced in ages.

“I think you’re amazing. All on your own.”

She sucked in a breath and he wondered if he was affecting her the way she was affecting him.

And so they stood, entwined together with their hearts beating as one. The rest of the room faded into nothing as Oliver threw caution to the wind and allowed himself to become lost in all that was Felicity.

He let his walls come down.

It wasn’t long before she pulled away, placing her hand against her head.

“I think I should head out now,” she mumbled.

“I’ll take you home,” he offered because he didn’t want to say goodbye to her just yet.

And because she didn’t quite look as if she could survive on her own at the moment.

“Oh you don’t have to. It’ll still pretty early you don’t need to leave yet.”

“Felicity I wanted to leave the second I walked into the building,” he informed her.

Her name rolled off his tongue with ease, the three syllables tasting pleasant in his mouth.

“Okay,” she said, her lip curling upward.

He led her out of the room, his arm still around her as he supported her and already dreaded the instant when he would be forced to let her go.

Pulling out his phone, he called his driver and it before they knew it he arrived. They got in and Felicity leaned her head against his shoulder and then just like that she was asleep.

If he didn’t know any better, he would say that butterflies were flying around his stomach as he looked at her with her eyes fluttered shut. But he didn’t get those anymore. Besides, he wasn’t some kid.

The one thing that he couldn’t deny however, was that for just a night, his world felt whole again.

And the feeling of longing in his stomach had melted away.

Oliver had no idea what any of it meant.

But god how he wanted to find out.

[daggerzine]

Celebrity Mixtape Party #2 With Bob Fay!  (presented by Matthew Kenneth)

The second installment of Celebrity Mixtape Party brings you none other than rock and roll gentleman from Sebadoh, Bob Fay! Bob waxes intellectual about a variety of pop tunes I recorded onto magnetic tape for him. I envision Bob working long into the evening writing this. Stroking a beard, smoking a meerschaum, brandy glass in hand. Peruse these words, dear reader, and delve into one of the great minds of 90s indie music. 

Track 1. Comsat Angels (Missing in Action), a band I should have dug more at the time considering when their records started to show up at my local record shop and when I was at peak Anglo-worship mode. But they never left me wanting to hear more and then I went back to my Echo and The Bunnymen and Ruts LPs.. This track is hitting kind of nice right now, truth be told.

Track 2. The title isn't showing up but this sounds like TFLU 282. Now the singing has started and so my first guess seems wrong. Very clanged out guitar sound that hides the tunefulness. Miserable singer vibes too. Wonder if I already own this record? Oh it's Gordons! I have this on CD! Good for me! (Gordons-Spic n' Span)

Track 3. Hard to put across in mere words just how great the Soft Boys were at their zenith. And four part harmonies too? And while I think most rock lyrics are unfettered dreck, Robyn Hitchcock really had a gift of the lyrical gab (Soft Boys-Wey Wey Hep Uh Hole)

Track 4. I had some Bauhaus records when they first made their way to Boston but there was so much fashion baggage that went along with membership to the goth club. As their star kept ascending I was taking a hard left away from UK dance music. I came to realize later just how great some of those Bauhaus records were/are. (Terror Couple Kill Colonel)

Track 5. (Kleenex-Ain't You). Want to buy a Bridge might be the most influential record I've ever bought. This track remains a highlight amongst the flawless track listing. And talk about dope lyrics. And you just reminded me about the perfect gang vox!

Track 6. Flipper was another complete game changer for me. It doesn't sound nearly as slow as I probably thought it did in 1982 but the songs still reign supreme. One band all three members of Sebadoh could agree on. (Talk is Cheap)

Track 7. Basement 5 Who won me over at the time do a Christmas song? And it is fantastic? Did not see that coming...(The Last White Christmas)

Track 8. Kevin Ayers made one of my top five debut LPs of all time! Like easily. I scooped up the Odds and Ends LP back in the day and lo and behold; (Soon Soon Soon). Incredible guitar solo.

Track 9. The first band I flat out don't know. Late '70s early '80s new wavy angularity. Farfisa dance rock for the slump shoulder set circa 1981 (Happy Refugees-Hamburger Boy)

Track 10. Boston was a real TFLU282 stronghold for a while back then. I was lucky enough to co-interview them for Leslie Godfrey's pop watch fanzine. Such sweet folks. (Thinking Fellers Union Local 242-Hornet's Heart)

Track 11. Richard Davies what a character! This is one of his greatest songs right here. Assuming you've seen the incredible version with flaming lips from 1995? Do it, f****** pronto. No way I can start jotting down thoughts on the man that is RD. (Moles-What's the New Mary Jane?)

Track 12. Early MBV? Weird 50s style song structure with some fuzz for good measure. The vocals and lyrics are very trad for an MBV number. (My Bloody Valentine-Moonlight)

Track 13. another unknown to me band. A little like a less oblique Giant Sand when they were verging on grunge. That was a good period for that band. Sorry... I would probably dig this in some sweaty club. Well anywhere, really. Would seek out other music by (Hornet Leg-Gold Fire)

Track 14. I love Mirrors. That whole Cleveland 70s thing is the most unheralded thing In rock and roll history. Got to see Mirrors when that homestead CD came out in 1990(?) and they still had the goods. (Mirrors-Shirley)

Track 15. Never really followed Marc Riley's career after his Fall days were through. This is great so I might have to do some digging. Real jittery track...(Marc Riley-Judas Sheep)

Track 16. Another band that I just never got around to in my youth. I like how rickety it sounds but still keeps the song chugging forward. I found their music on Spotify (gasp) after reading an article on them in Ugly Things magazine. Applied knowledge! (Radiators from Space-Prison Bars)

Track 17. Alex Chilton (Hook or Crook) was such a big deal for me in the 1980s along with dozens of others like them. The man could do anything and out of morbid curiosity I had to hear it saw a few sets in the 80s that sure did piss off the Big Star heads!

Track 18. (Rock*a*Teens Down with People)! My sentiments exactly! Great muddy sound and a real desperation to the vox that is just swell. The band lives up to their rocking moniker.

Track 19. Wow this name rings no bell whatsoever. Mid-80s Scottish pop? Post-Pavement Belgium band circa 1993? Flying Nun band that's only on a comp that was never reissued? The world will never know...(Rote Kapelle-Jellystone Park)

Track 20. Really dug the Pink Section reissue on Superior Viaduct a few years back. Solid new wave that sends me right back to 1980 in a heartbeat. A total Gang of Four rip on the guitar solo. (Pink Section-Wine World)

Track 21. My wife turned me on to this era of Bowie. This tune in particular hitting that sweet spot like the Move have a tendency to do. And how in the hell did I not hear the complete hunky dory until 1997? Totally missed out...(David Bowie-Black Country Rock)

Track 22. Lucky to have seen La Peste a number of times opening for whatever UK band I was seeing. Real kings of the scene for a spell and they knew that if you only wrote great songs before breaking up early on yr legacy is sealed. (La Peste-Black)

Track 23. Just got this 45 again recently when a local DJ dumped his 45 collection at a store I frequent. This s*** sounds better to me now than it did back then. It kind of reminds me of a Boston version of the Boomtown Rats. (Pastiche-Boston Lullaby)

Track 24. Talk about a band that screwed the pooch on that first full-length. all of the demo rehearsal tapes have way more than the pro garbage. Never saw DMZ but by that time the Lyres started gigging around town I was all in! (DMZ-Go to School)

Track 25. Never heard the Del Byzanteens but ho! This has some real quality happening on the track. Good lyrics working off the twangy guitar and drums and percussion. Learn something everyday! (Del-Byzanteens-Welcome Machines)

Track 26. Maybe the most willfully cheery Monks number. When I start my stoned ramblings on first punk band The Monks are always in the mix. it's one of the great American stories in rock and roll history and f*** the singing on the end of this song is stellar! (The Monks-He Went Down to the Sea)

Track 27. Opal (and Clay Allison before that) made it plain to see that I was more of a Kendra Smith fan than a Steve Wynn head. Her voice is one of those that are only equaled by a choice view of a heavyweight vocalists like Sandy Denny and oh, you know, Bridget St. John etc. (Opal-Sailing Boats)

Track 28. Stephen, the Clean off-shoot band? Wish I hadn't sold that EP on Flying Nun back in the pre-911 days of eBay. In 20 years I sold about 16,000 things online and still have too much s***. But I digress. Will certainly relisten to Stephen. That David Kilgour just has the Midas Touch is all. (Stephen-Crystal)

Track 29. (The Chills-Dream by Dream) Don't know this one but I have not really heard anything post Soft Bomb so that's my bad. At first The Chills were my favorite Flying Nun band. The mix of morose and pop joy proved to be too much for me to resist in 1985. Wherever this track is from it's got that chills x factor.

Track 30. (3Ds-Sunken Head) More New Zealand shenanigans. I was getting their 45s and such as they made the track to the states back then. I have nothing but fond memories hanging with these folks on my one and only trip to New Zealand with Sebadoh. Be aware bands that own their own pub!

https://www.mixcloud.com/matthewkenneth9/bob-fay-mix/?fbclid=IwAR1ggSwYavA15ln1JHsUmqqR1z4IAeRxi4dh--AAMNw0YdlkcCfDojy3Qxk