#...I was allowed to open presents early.... cuz my sister is going to work in the morning so it made things less of a hassle

[hollowsart]

-plays Pokemon Let’s Go Pikachu-

new game.. NEW GAME..!!

[ningningsplushie]

The Cute Barista

Pairing: Jimin x reader

Word count: 2263

Genre: Pastel cafe?? Jimin being a comforting person :3

Summary: Your favourite barista has moved away and in her place is the ever charming Park Jimin. Can he comfort you just the same?

Warnings: Cringey pick up line (rip but it fit well with the story), stressed and upset reader

After a long day, a trip to the cafe was exactly what she needed. Classes were kicking her ass, what with essays, assignments, and presentations piling up on the daily, not to mention her trying to keep up with work and her own personal life. A calming sit-down, with a nice book, along with her favourite barista, Hwa Young, would surely cheer her up. 

Opening the door to the cafe, the smell of brownies and buttercream frosting immediately wafts up her nose. The overall atmosphere of the place, with its pastel pinks walls and baby blue trimming, its bubbly aura due to the dainty display of desserts, large windows, and sweet jazz music instantly calms Y/N after a hectic day. 

Walking up to the cash register, she realizes that Hwa Young isn’t at her usual station, neither is she wiping down the tables or serving customers. 

She spots a blond boy standing in place of her favourite barista and decides to ask for her whereabouts. “Excuse me, I was wondering where Hwa Young was?”

The boy looks up from the till and gives her a warming grin, cheeks almost covering his eyes. My, he’s really handsome. Handsome, however, was an understatement. His face had an innocent, boyish charm to it, with large, honest eyes, plump lips with a subtle cupid’s bow, and a soft jaw. 

“I suppose you’re in the dark about her.” Hearing this, Y/N grows worried and the boy sees this. “Oh don’t worry,” he scrambles, panicking for frightening her, “she just moved to Japan for university. She left just last week.” 

She left? Crestfallen, Y/N looks to the ground. Damn, I was really looking forward to seeing her. “Really? It’s just...she has a really comforting aura and it was something I needed right now. I suppose I won’t be getting that ever again, if not ever again.” 

Y/N realizes her mistake of oversharing and clasps a hand over her mouth with wide eyes. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. The last thing you need right now is for a stranger telling you her problem.” 

The new barista chuckles, “It’s alright, my sister was a big help to a lot of people so I understand.”

“Yeah, she- wait. Sister? She was your sister?” Y/N squeaks out.

“Is, not was. She’s still here with us, just far away. But yeah, after she left I decided to take her place here to help our mom run the cafe.” 

“That’s sweet of you…” finding no reason to stay any longer she decides to leave, picking up her wallet from the counter. “Anyways, I’ve got to go, but uhhh, thank you for telling me about your sister. Have a nice day-” she reads the boy’s name tag. “Jimin. I’ll be going now.”

Just as she’s about to turn, Y/N feels a grip on her wrist, disabling her from leaving. Jimin looks at his hold on Y/N and quickly lets go. 

“Listen, I know you’re not exactly in the best of moods right now and I know I’m not my sister but please, stay and give yourself a rest.”

She considers his comment for a moment before turning back to him and offering a tight-lipped smile. 

“Alright. I’ll have a medium honey latte, please,” she says, offering Jimin money for her order. 

Taking the money from her, he gives a mock salute, chest puffing out. “Coming right up, Miss.” 

Y/N can’t help but giggle at his gesture, hands going up to cover her smile.

“Yeahhhh! That’s what we like to hear. My goodness, if I knew your smile was this bright, I never would have bothered to change the light bulbs in the chandeliers.” Jimin puts his arms out as if protecting himself from a bright flash and at this, Y/N laughs some more. Giving the barista some more material, he pretends to swoon, resting the back of his on his forehead. “Wow, wow, wow. I might as well just shut off our radio too. Your laugh sounds much nicer.”

Y/N blushes, earning a “cute,” from Jimin but then composes herself. “Call me Y/N, please.”

Nodding, he begins tinkering with the espresso machine. “Y/N, I might not be as comforting as my sister but I’m certainly more charming and cuter than her, aren’t I?” throwing a wink to the girl. 

Y/N rolls her eyes and replies, “You guys share half of the same DNA.”

“That’s true but my DNA gave me the upper hand in looks.” Y/N couldn’t deny that. She couldn’t stop staring at his lips, how they formed when he smiles, or the position they were in whenever he pouted whilst concentrating. 

“Alright, one medium honey latte for Y/N,” he whoops, placing the porcelain cup before her. 

“Thank you so much.” Taking a sip from her drink, she closes her eyes in pure bliss, the warmth of the latte spreading throughout her body. 

“How is it? Is it too sweet? I think I might have put too much sweetener in it so-”

“It’s perfect,” Y/N sighs, opening her eyes once more. 

He gives a proud smile and pats his head. “Good, I’m glad. I’ll leave you alone now, let you decompress for a while.”

“Thank you for everything… for being so patient and kind. I appreciate it,” Y/N says, gazing out the window. 

“A little kindness never anybody. I just hope I made your day somewhat better.”

“You definitely did.”

 And with that, Jimin leaves the girl alone, moving on to his own barista duties of washing the dishes, clearing tables, and taking the orders of a few people who wanted a kick of caffeine. It was close to the evening which meant that the cafe was nearly empty, something Y/N found most agreeable as it allowed her to enjoy the soft music playing through the speakers while enjoying her recent read. For about thirty minutes or so, Y/N was enjoying her novel whilst sipping occasionally on her latte, and at that moment, she was finally at peace. Here, she was able to temporarily forget about school, work, and her general stresses in life. All that mattered was her tranquility, the porcelain cup sitting ahead of her, and the cast of characters splayed out in her book. Y/N realizes that her brow had loosened, curing her blistering headache ever since she stepped foot into the shop, especially since she talked to Jimin. 

Leaving all her worries aside, Y/N gazes out the window and ponders. Everything is so beautiful right now, what with the snow gently falling and families walking hand in hand, she thought. It’s a shame I can’t fully enjoy life with all my stress plaguing my thoughts. I should just enjoy it while it lasts. 

It didn’t last long, that is, only because Jimin came over with a fresh piece of what appeared to be strawberry shortcake. He places the plate in front of Y/N and leaves with a simple, “Bon appetit.”

“Hey wait! I didn’t order this.” she rushes to her feet to return the cake. 

Jimin comes back, pushing Y/N by her shoulders so she’d sit back down. “I know you didn’t. But you can’t drink something on an empty stomach,” he urges, nudging the cake towards her and turning back around once again. 

With her mouth shaped into an O’, she reaches for her wallet to pay for the dessert but before she can do so, Jimin, with his back towards Y/N, protests, “don’t even think of paying for the cake. It’s on the house.”

“Oh, I couldn’t possibly eat this without paying. Besides, won’t you get in trouble?” 

“You can, and you will,” he affirms, now facing Y/N, slinging the rag over his shoulder, adding with, “plus, what’s the worst my mom can do? Not feed me Jjajangmyeon for two weeks? I can survive.”

Warily, Y/N begins to stab the fork into the cake before venturing with a meek, “Are you sure?”

“I’m positive,” he declares, giving her a warm smile that makes her want to eat the cake all the more, wanting to see his smile once more. “Also, I uhhhh,” Jimin stammers, “I wanted to give it to you cuz uhhh...it m-matches your sweater vest,” he declares, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment from his statement. 

Confused, Y/N looks down at herself. As per usual, she was in a rush to attend her first lecture of the day and just threw on the first thing her eyes met, which was a pink, strawberry printed sweater vest over a white button-up. Wait. He just gave me a slice of cake because it matched my vest. How much cuter can this guy get? With a blush creeping up her face, she shoved a piece of the cake in her mouth, and in an instant, her tense shoulders dropped, like a weight lifted off of them. The sweetness and acidity of the strawberries coated her tongue but was soon covered by the velvety taste of the buttercream frosting. 

“Wow Jimin, this is...absolutely delicious.” 

He hums, “I’m glad you think so. I’ll be sure to tell my mom.” 

“Yeah, you def- wait. Your mom?” Y/N interjects, mouth full of cake.

Jimin takes a napkin from the dispenser and wipes the frosting from the corner of her mouth and asks, “Did you really think I was the one who made the cake? You overestimate me, my dear friend,” he leans in closer to Y/N, lips frighteningly close to her ear and whispers, “I appreciate the sentiment though.” He pulls back and winks at her, hair falling over his eyes. “I just thought it befitting to feed you something as sweet as yourself.” 

Shocked at his boldness, Y/N goes back to eating her cake, not quite sure how to respond to him, especially since she was turning redder and redder by the second and it feels like her tongue had been swallowed. 

“Cute,” Jimin chuckles, going back to washing the dishes. 

By the time Y/N finished eating, the sun had set and it was closing time, leaving only Jimin and Y/N to be the only two in the shop. She looked at the time and her eyes nearly bulged out of her head. “Oh god, I’ve got to get going. I’ve got to wake up early tomorrow.” 

Y/N scrambles to gather her items in her bag, her book, her phone, her wallet and is about to zoom out the door before she hears Jimin calling her name. 

“Y/N hold up! You forgot something.” Bewildered, lets go of her hold on the door handle, and looks to the boy. 

“Come here,” he beckons for Y/N to come closer. 

Walking closer to the counter, Y/N has her hand reached out for him to place whatever it is she left behind. Jimin, placing something unbelievably small in her palm, smiles bright, cheeks overcoming his eyes. She looks down and sees a single Hershey’s chocolate kiss. Y/N looks back to Jimin for an explanation and what he says next throws her off completely.

“Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I’m asking for only one...perhaps after our first date?” 

Y/N is silent for a few beats as she registers his cheesy pickup line. Jimin, panicking, quickly regrets his words and goes to take back the kiss but is stopped when Y/N doubles over, shoulders shaking. 

Concerned, the barista walks around the counter and puts his arms around Y/N, scared that he triggered what he thought were waterworks. “Y/N...I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you!” But then he hears laughter, belly-aching laughter, one that Jimin wants to hear all the time. 

For a good minute, Y/N is hunched over, cackling while Jimin lets out small giggles but then ceases her laughter, wiping her tears away, and looks towards Jimin. “Wow, thank you for making me laugh like that. I haven’t done that for so long.”

Jimin frowns, “I’m happy I made you laugh but are you laughing at me or with me?”

“With you, I’d never laugh at you, especially since you made me feel so much better today,” Y/N replies. 

“Oh thank God,” he lets out a deep sigh of relief. “So about that date...would you like to go out with me? I know it’s weird since we just met today but I heard a lot about you from Hwa Young and-and I always wanted to see what you were like. Our paths crossed and I didn’t want to give this moment up.”

Y/N considered how much of an impact he had on her in just one day and thought what it would be like being with him every day. She knew she’d feel tremendously better. As of now, she’s felt more comfortable than she had for a long while. Being around him reminded her of all the beautiful things she’s failed to notice and allowed her to feel like herself once more. If being around him felt like this, she never wanted it to end. His presence comforted Y/N and made her feel right at home. She definitely wasn’t going to turn him down. 

“I’d love nothing more than to go out with you. But you better not break that promise of a kiss.”

Brushing a small strand of hair behind Y/N’s ear, he replies with, “Oh, I promise.”

[uzumaki-rebellion]

“Wet Sugar” [Chp. 13 of 30]

Summary: 

Erik lays down some rules that Yani better follow...

"Waiting for the daylight Cause then she'll keep me In the safety of her arms She never leaves me

And when the sun rises, she watches over me

He tells me all his secrets He thinks nobody knows We lay together in daylight I love him so

And when the sun rises, he watches over me…"

The Foreign Exchange—"Daykeeper"

Perfection.

That's what she feels.

For the first time in her life, Yani Galiber knows what it's like to be secure. Protected. She experiences no sense of lack or scarcity. She doesn't worry about sticking to a budget or skimping on food or other necessities just to get by. There is not one moment with Erik where she doesn't feel comfortable.

He spoils her and the baby.

Gives her what she needs before she even thinks of asking.

Their second week together in Our Lady's Manor, he presented her with a pre-paid credit card to use whenever she wanted. When she went online to activate the card, the balance was five-thousand dollars. When she used the card to pay for repairs on her car that she had put off, the amount she spent was replaced days later.

Her care-free days are spent wearing swimsuits, booty shorts, and skimpy sundresses, reading stories to Sydette sprawled out on the grass among flowers with Jerome snacking on leaves nearby. She goes into town to have lunch with friends where she picks up the tab or pays for mani/pedis for her and her besties at the nail shop.

She orders make-up directly from Sephora in the shades of lipstick and eye shadow that she could never afford and can spend hours experimenting with looks in front of a vanity mirror as Sydette plays at her feet.

He doesn't ask much from her. Erik seems to enjoy watching her flounce around her house or Klaue's, playing with the baby, watching her bathe Sweet Pea or do the baby's hair in new braids. He fusses with her sometimes when he thinks the braids are too tight.

"Damn, Yani, baby girl won't have no edges by the time she's twelve, let her scalp live!"

Sydette's hair is a whirlwind of thick and wavy textures. Yani tries to be funny and makes him do the baby's hair and is shocked when he can do decent cornrows that aren't too tight. Sydette even sits still for him when he does it. Not one bit of fidgeting or whining.

They share the responsibility of cooking. Erik likes to make dinner, and she spoils them with lavish lunches and they switch back and forth on breakfast. His days are spent inside a private workroom. She isn't allowed to be in there, and she doesn't ask what he does while he is there. Which is just as well because Yani has had to adjust to just one thing in her life with him.

The sex.

Erik is insatiable.

Four times a day on average.

There are set times.

Before the sun rises in the morning.

After he has a swim post-lunch and makes her give up her breasts as he lays on her lap cuddled on the couch together.

Right after Sydette is put to bed, and Erik joins Yani at her house or his depending on where Yani wants them to sleep at night. Mostly Klaue's place now.

The extra sex can come at any time. In the middle of the night, before dinner, in the middle of his work just outside the private workroom. He comes looking for her with heat in his eyes. Sometimes if he catches her in the pool while the baby naps, he will take her there, out in the open water.

Toys are not an option. They are used a lot.

She had a variety of anal plugs that he purchased for her. Along with other more savage toys that he used on her when she was away from the house. Toys that he can activate with his phone and just from his voice alone. On those days he is a beast. He has trained her pussy so well that her clit thumps and her pussy clenches automatically whenever she sees his avatar on her phone. He calls to make her come home from wherever she is when he needs to be inside of her. Even if she is all the way on the other side of the island. If she doesn't respond right away or takes too long getting to him, he activates the travel vibrator that he makes her wear away from home. It was discreet, half of it rested inside her vagina and the other half pressed against her clit; it made very little noise and could turn her into a puddle of slick juices dampening her panties in seconds.

His text messages would be short and to the point while she was away from him.

Come home.

Take care of me.

Baby, I need you.

I want it.

Get your ass in that bed.

I'm on my way.

Be wet and ready.

Stop playing and bring that pussy here.

Don't make me come out there and get yo ass.

Catch this dick Bitch.

Give Daddy what he wants.

Each and every time she would come running to him, panties around her ankles before she even hit the front door.

This nigga slang dick like a cartel slang cocaine.

And he knew what she liked to see. His dick swinging in his pants, especially the light cotton loungers he wore all the time just hanging in the house. Without his boxer briefs on. He had several in a variety of colors, and wore them on purpose because she could see his dick print clearly and knew she was weak for that shit. That pipe was always on high alert, and her mouth would water when she would watch him come to her for breakfast, or lunch or any other time around the house. That dick was just right there, big even when he wasn't erect, just bouncing against his thigh looking heavy between his legs.

It made her use him for one of their favorite things to do together; making him nut in his pants while she grinded on him. Ever since that first time when he lifted her up and humped her against a tree, there was something so brazen about getting her man to cum with his clothes on, feeling and seeing his ejaculate stain his pants. They did it in public a lot. Chilling on benches, her sitting on him at the beach and just bouncing on his erection with no panties on under her dresses and skirts until he spurts everywhere and made her thighs wet. At restaurants where she would climb onto his lap facing away from him and he would groan and thrust up into her, gasping in her ear, hands gripping her tits as their waiter went to retrieve their food. She loved his facial expressions when he came, her release tumbling right after his, and once they returned home, he lubed up her red heart-shaped princess plug, inserted it into her equally lubricated ass, and then fucked her senseless.

It was Sunday.

Brunch day with her girls.

Caypri. Aisha. Lesonne. And Milah.

She was six weeks in with her new living arrangement and her friends were raving about how she looked.

"Girl, you getting extra thick. That man treating you real good, right?" Caypri said.

"Well he's treating us right too, cuz girl, we haven't been eating this well and drinking this high and mighty since…when?" Lesonne said sipping on champagne.

They had a nice view at one of the second fanciest restaurants on the island. She felt chic wearing her new aquamarine designer shades with the big Hollywood glam lenses.

Yani sent a text to her mother telling her that she would be around to collect Sydette in a few hours. There were plans to go shopping after brunch. Since Yani had been living with "that man on the hill", her parents were suddenly anxious to look after Sydette whenever Yani needed them too. Not her younger sisters Anika or Rocsi, but them, Mommy and Daddy. It was actually a good thing. Her relationship with her parents actually improved. They wanted her back home, but she refused. But they could keep their grandbaby, and they did that often which was a blessing because it meant more time alone with Er—

Shit.

A sharp pulse in her pussy made her grip the side of the table cloth as she saw Erik's avatar pop up on her cell. She had only been gone for two hours. She and her girls had facials done before brunch and were just now enjoying drinks as they took their time noshing on savory crepes and pastries.

She texted him quickly.

We're eating now. Will be home soon.

Yani picked up her champagne flute and took a nice-sized drink. She wiped her forehead to check for sweat and she felt a subtle sheen developing on her brow.

"You okay, Yani?" Milah asked.

"Yeah, just a little warmer today than usual," she said.

Her phone lit up.

Yani crossed her feet, her generous thighs rubbing together already anticipating trouble from him if he didn't get his way. She could already feel her pussy lips swelling. Damn that man.

Is everything okay?

She tried using a text tone that made it seem like she was concerned to offset what she knew was coming. Erik didn't call her or bother her when she was out. The island was small and he knew she had people around to help her if she needed it without him automatically jumping on the phone to check for her.

No, this man called when he wanted her on him or under him. Her pussy was still recovering from their early morning tryst when they were able to have a quickie before the baby woke up.

Come see about me.

He was trying to be cute.

I'll be home in about two hours. You can wait.

Yani slyly slid her fingers down her legs and tugged on her panties under her dress. They were stuck to her folds…and on the tiny pink vibrator he slid inside of her that morning.

Nah.

Let me finish brunch at least.

No reply. Thank God.

Yani walked over to the buffet brunch spread and piled her plate with lobster tails and coconut shrimp. She wanted to try the new drinks the restaurant was pushing on customers and soon forgot about Erik.

Fresh melted butter and the sweet meat of the lobster swished around her tongue and filled her belly along with grilled asparagus tips, and a light butter leaf salad with a dark balsamic dressing. She laughed so much with her friends and forgot how much she missed being out with them. Life with Chez had isolated her so much that she forgot how these women had lifted her up.

Lesonne was spinning a tale of how she hooked her latest boyfriend into doing face masks with her while they watched Korean dramas. Aisha was laughing so hard trying to imagine a big burly truck driver sitting in front of a tv with a tiny pink face mask on and Yani was giggling along with her. She could picture Erik wearing a mask, he was big on grooming himself, but the champagne was making her giddy and everything was funny…

Until it wasn't.

Yani felt the jolt on her clit that made her slam her knees together.

Her friends continued laughing and sharing more stories and Yani tried to keep an engaged face as Erik toyed with her body. It had only been twenty minutes since his last text.

He was using the surge pulse setting to start her out, and from experience with him, it would grow more intense. She grabbed her fork and shoved buttered lobster meat into her mouth to have something to focus on. She tried not to squirm or wiggle her hips and found the fingers of her left hand giving off small tremors as they twisted part of the table cloth into a tiny knot. Tears pricked her eyelids. Her right hand kept stuffing food in her mouth and when the pulse setting turned into a smooth wave of tingly sensations, she closed her eyes and felt sweat building on her inner thighs.

She reached for her cell and quickly shot off a text.

Daddy stop…

Come home.

We're almost done eating. Let me—

She swallowed thickly and stuck her left index finger between her lips and bit down. Her pussy was twitching in her panties.

Hard-headed Bitch.

"Looks like they turned the chocolate fountain on finally," Lesonne said.

Yani's friends stood and walked out of the patio and across the room to the desert section oohing and ahhing at the selections of fruit and slices of cake.

Daddy, please…

You brought this on yourself.

Yani's eyes were half slits as she clenched the hem of her dress with her right hand. Her lips were pursed in a moist twist of carnal agony. His avatar lit up her cell again and she clutched it as she shot up from her seat and clumsily tottered on wobbly legs to the women's restroom. It was a small room with one toilet and Yani locked the door. She answered the phone as she stared at her sweaty face in the restroom mirror.

"Bring my pussy here, girl."

The gasp from her mouth was loud and echoed around her when the bolt of pleasure he sent her from his phone voice hit her clit and slick pussy.

"We're almost done, Daddy—"

"Lemme see my pussy."

She felt a whine bubble up, but she didn't let him hear it. Pulling off her sunglasses, she switched her cell over to visual and audio and saw his hungry real-time face looming on her phone.

"Panties down," he barked.

His voice sounded ticked off and she lowered the damp material from her private parts. Lifting up her dress, she let Erik see her plump folds manipulated by his voice and the toy inside of her.

"Shit, baby. Pussy all fat and juicy for me. Look at my dick…"

She saw the thick veins bulging out on him as his hand worked up and down his rigid shaft.

"You already know you in trouble. Got my dick like this and you not sittin' that fat ass on my nuts…fuck is wrong witchu?"

The sharp inflection in tone sent a zinger of a vibration to her hard clit. He was legit mad and she loved that anger as it made her walls clench the vibrator.

"Oh…Killmonger! Oh, Daddy! I'm cumming for you…I'm cumming for you!"

She bit her lip as she gripped the sink with her left hand as her right hand let him see her pussy spasm with the vibrator.

"Bring your fucking ass home! Oh….Shit!"

God no.

The ultimate sin.

She made him cum without her being there to clean him up.

His head thrown back, mouth open, she watched her man jettison milky ropes of cum all over his chest and lap. When his searing eyes sought hers again and she saw his lips poked out, she knew he was pissed.

"You got thirty minutes," he growled.

He was gone. Her cell's screensaver popped back up.

Yani grabbed a handful of paper towels and cleaned herself up.

###

He was watching her.

She felt his eyes on her from the cameras all over the compound.

The moment the compound gate rolled shut behind her, Yani methodically and slowly pulled her panties off. One of the security cams turned in a smooth arc as she made her way past the first house. She took her time making her way to her middle house, and when she reached the pool, she took off her dress and tossed it on a plastic lounge chair.

Unhooking her bra, she left it lying on the balcony of Klaue's house. Her retina scan gave her access to the living room and she was enveloped in the soft music Erik was playing throughout the house. Classic trip-hop. Instrumentals. Warm ocean air breezed through the tilted windows as she padded toward the master bedroom.

The soft pallet of blankets and pillows were already on the floor in front of the wall mirror. Yani stared at her full-length frame in the mirror. Cinnamon skin moist with island heat, four-inch open-toed black heels gave her a little height. His gold link sat on the pallet and she bent down to pick it up, slipping it around her neck. When she stood up, Erik was standing in the doorway. Salmon-colored loungers on with no shirt. Locs pushed back from his eyes. A hard scowl on his face. His bare feet were soft on the floor when he strolled over to her. She dropped her hands to her sides, her eyes bold watching his as he approached.

His eyes dragged down her body in the mirror and rested on the pink vibrator resting on her protruding clit and still inserted in her vagina. Her faint pubic hairs were cut into the shape of an inviting heart on her mound, the outer lips smooth from her monthly waxing. Erik had no preference. Bushy. Waxed. Trimmed. His mouth was going to take and taste whatever was down there. Eating pussy was a delicacy to him.

His fingers traced up her back, then her neck and her skin shivered from the tactile warmth that his heated digits brought to her flesh. His body was a furnace, the protruding keloids like fine jewels peppering his arms and chest with perfect and beautiful scarification. Whatever ritual he used to mark himself was divine to her. There was meaning in it and she wasn't bold enough to ask him about it. Whatever he was keeping track of on his epidermis had been going on for a long time.

He gripped the chain on her neck and wound it around his hand once.

"Three minutes late. I said thirty minutes."

Her eyes challenged him. She didn't apologize or make excuses. She wasn't the one driving so she had no control over how fast she got there.

His left hand turned her face to the side and his mouth crashed down onto her lips, his tongue snaking inside and sliding against her wet tongue. This was the best part…almost. Any union between them always started with the heavy sloppy kisses. Lips parted wide, she let him taste the champagne still coating her taste buds. She could feel his big dick jutting into her side. He smelled of a fresh shower and almond hair oil.

He released her lips when she began pushing her wide backside against him. His tongue ran over his top lip, saliva already glistening from her kisses on him.

"Go get what we need," he said pushing her toward the master bathroom.

She took her time walking to the bathroom knowing his eyes were on her ass. She swung her hips hard and caught a glimpse of him tugging on his protruding erection.

She took a moment to void her bladder in the toilet and cleaned herself up.

Cherry lube with pink coloring. Pink heart plug. She took a moment to slip lube inside of her anus. She chose the smaller three-inch plug for him to insert. Her pussy was already sensitive so she didn't need a larger plug. He liked the three-inches just fine, it made his dick snug against her walls when he was inside of her, the nerve endings inside her ass so rich and delicious when she came hard on him. He made her feel it all, his girth pushing her vaginal walls against the plug.

Returning to the bedroom she sat down on the pallet holding her legs open for him.

He grabbed a pile of big pillows from the bed and situated them behind him to make a support for his lower back as he curled his thighs and legs around hers. She leaned back into him and handed the lube and plug to him. He squeezed a generous amount of cherry lube onto the pure silver metal of the plug. She lifted up her knees and watched him gently insert the toy as she relaxed her anal muscles. She exhaled when the plug was in all the way and both of their eyes admired the pretty ruby heart jutting out, almost overpowering the vibrator still inserted inside of her.

Erik's nimble thick fingers pulled her small vibrator out and they both saw the flood of her clear sticky pussy juices spill out onto the pallet. Yani pressed her head back into his wide chest as she gasped from the flicking of his fingers on her swollen clit.

Erik noticed her biting on her lips and he slapped her clit hard.

"Daddy…please!"

"Don't even. I told you what you were supposed to do—"

"We didn't even get to finish our plans, you knew what we were—"

"I don't give a fuck! You know what this is. We got rules in this house…"

His hand kept slapping her clit and her ass bucked.

"Be still!"

His left hand yanked hard on the chain and she did her best not to rock back and forth or wind her hips. Any wriggling she did was tiny.

"Killmonger…my pussy is so—"

SLAP!

He was smacking her fleshy inner lips, the frothy wetness at the opening of her pink kept winking open each time he struck her.

"You made me nut all over myself. Didn't have your nasty mouth to clean me up. You know better Bitch. I need that mouth—"

He jammed his fingers between her lips and she groaned.

"Taste your pussy. This was supposed to be on my dick. But you wanna fucking play all day and forget about me."

She sucked his fingers clean and his hand went back to her apex where he started to slap her inner thighs.

"Lift them big legs up, girl!"

She draped her heels outside of his thighs and panted hard when he reached into his lounger pocket and pulled out the tiny gold vibrating bullet. He rested it on her clit and she lost control of her legs.

"Keep them legs open, Yani. Don't play with me Bitch!"

His left hand grabbed and held her throat and his right hand went down to manipulate her clit with the bullet. He let the vibrator hit the hood of her clit and she cried out, both watching her wet opening pulse and twitch. It spilled more slick in a steady stream down her ass cheek.

"Yeah…yeah...I love that shit. Pussy jumping for Daddy. Getting so wet for Daddy's dick."

"My pussy…" she groaned so hard when he rubbed the bullet around her opening, letting it slide in her slick and against the open wings of her inner labia.

"Pussy so pretty, Yani…" he groaned, "I needed you today…keeping this pretty pussy from me…"

Her pink slit kept winking open and shut, the sound of his voice growling in her ear had her teary-eyed and weak in the knees. His left hand pinched her left nipple and she watched his facial expression as his lips fell open watching her opening throb from his touches. His lips snagged a hold of her right ear-lobe and he nibbled and groaned in her ear. Her thighs shook and when he dropped the bullet above her taut black pearl, they both saw her squirt a long stream of fluid onto the floor.

"Fuck." He groaned, pressing the bullet even harder on her clit. Her pussy spasmed and more clear fluid spurt out along with a thick glistening stream of natural lubricant from her vaginal opening.

"You want to wet everything up for Daddy, huh? You gon' squirt like that all over Daddy's dick?"

He pinched her nipple again and damn if she didn't have a small drizzle of milk spill out. Milk, sweat, fluid from her urethra and vagina soaked Erik's hands.

"I'ma make your pussy beg for this dick," he snarled, dropping the bullet on the pallet and slapping her clit again. Twisting her nipple hard, he bit into the side of her neck with his slugs. Yani's tongue slipped out of her mouth and she wailed out his name when his fingers sank into her pussy. He made them hit the side of her walls hard and her sphincter gripped her silver plug hard.

"Fuck me!" she screamed, but Erik kept stroking her insides, her gushy pussy soaking fluids all over the place.

"You know I gotta have this pussy all day. Next time I'm coming for you and I'ma fuck you right wherever you are. Play with me again, girl…see what happens to you—"

"Yes, Daddy, I won't do it again! I won't do it again…I want some dick…"

"Yeah?"

"Please!"

He knew how to slap her pussy around and fondle her body without making her cum. It was sweet torture and it always made her frustrated. He knew this. So he kept at it, slapping her thighs and ass hard when she squirmed trying to get more friction from him.

"You don't run this girl…sitcho ass still!"

He choked her with her necklace and she glared at him.

"You mad at me now? Think that mean somethin'?"

He slapped her breasts and the sharp sting on her nipples made her close her eyes and shout for him to murder her pussy any way he wanted. She stroked her clit and her own caress made her body jump.

"Oh Bitch, you squirtin' again? You must want this dick bad!"

He gripped the heavy outline of his print in his pants and she felt no shame begging for it.

"Killmonger…fuck me…now Daddy…mi no wanna play no more…"

In the mirror her face looked like it was in torturous ecstasy. Erik kept pushing it, knowing he was being cruel. He owned her pussy. They both knew it.

He backed away from her and pulled off his loungers, his erection massive. Balls heavy and ready to slap against her cheeks, Yani crawled onto her hands and knees. She rested her elbows together facing the mirror. Her man needed to see her face when he took her from behind.

He stroked his shaft and let his pre-cum spill onto her back as he loomed over her.

"…teach you a lesson…keeping my pussy from me…forgetting who runs thangs…."

She could only catch snatches of his gruff words. Her ass was thrust up into the air for him.

"Head down all the way," he ordered.

She pressed her hands low onto the pallet and rested the left side of her face so he could see her expressions in the mirror.

She was letting him hit it raw now.

Before that, she was always checking the condoms he used, sheepskin, making sure there were no holes or tears in the packaging or the condoms themselves. She liked the sheepskin. He did too. He could feel her heat so good. But then he was begging to cum inside of her, wanting to fill her up and play with his semen inside her pussy. She was terrified of getting pregnant again, told him so, and he promised to only cum wherever she allowed him. He just wanted to be fully present in her body.

It took her weeks to get to that point. To trust that he would be cognizant of his own body and pull out in time. They didn't want children. No mistakes or accidents. A serious bedtime convo involved a real heart to heart about what they would do if something went wrong. Plan B and medical termination were on the table. She had to finish school and be able to take care of herself and her daughter. That was her plan. He had to work for Klaue and not have to worry about another baby. An immediate termination would happen. If he had to fly her to the states to make that happen, they agreed he would. The words were spoken without any doubts or the possibility of changing minds.

The first time he penetrated her without a condom she thought he was going to bust a nut the moment he entered her. She felt the same way. The sex felt even more passionate between them. And she always let him know where he could cum.

Watching him sink down into her with her face so near the mirror, she could see every muscle in his face ripple with pleasure. His lips pushed out and his eyes rested on her arch, his hand pressed down on her back.

"You so perfect, Baby…"

She felt a smile curl onto her lips, but it was quickly wiped away when he started letting her have all of his anger from withholding her body from him.

Her hands reached back to push him off, she couldn't handle the pressure he was laying on her but he snatched up her arms and held them still.

"Nah, you getting all this."

Her pussy felt so tight with her plug hitting against his girth internally.

He pushed her head down on the floor and held her neck down. His eyes were searing into her face as he watched her mouth call out his name.

"Watchu tryna say, Ma? I ain't stopping—"

"Kill—"

"You getting' all this dick…just like this…"

His face scrunched up hard when he slipped in deeper, his balls smacking her cheeks loud.

"Daddy made that pussy cream while you were eating, huh?"

"Yeah—"

"Taking all this sooo good, Baby—"

The pressure was too much and Yani felt her pussy throb.

"Wettin' this dick all up like a good little Bitch. Damn girl, drenching my balls!"

He pulled out and dropped to his hands and knees, shoving his face into her ass, his big mouth sucking her pussy lips, tugging on the tender folds, stretching them, inserting his tongue deep in her slit. Dragging his tongue up and down her backside, he wasted little time plunging back into her depths. Her breath was trapped inside her chest as she watched him pound her pussy to shreds.

"A hard head makes a soft pussy, girl. You feel me in there deep, huh?"

"Yeah."

Yani widened her thighs and his balls hit her clit with more intense friction.

"Being with your little friends was more important than taking care of me, huh? That's what you thought."

His face looked so angry, lips distended in an angry pout, but his eyes were on fire. He couldn't get enough of her. He grabbed for her throat again and really drilled her pussy. The pressure from the plug and his fat dick had her slobbering onto the blanket that cradled her face.

"Look at me!" he shouted.

Her eyes were weepy looking in the mirror and he kept pounding the fuck out of her.

"Where you want this cum?"

His sharp thrusts prevented her from answering right away as her eyes squeezed tight from all the pressure he was banging against her walls.

"Where?!"

He was close. So close. The heat in her pussy from his dick had her arching higher.

"Oh, Baby!" he yelled.

Erik had his head thrown up to the ceiling, his loud grunts giving her goosebumps.

"Yani! Tell me!"

"In my mouth!" she shouted.

His head dropped forward, his eyes watching her throw her ass on him. Something changed in his gaze and he gripped her waist as he twisted his hips, switching up his stroke suddenly, making her breath catch in her throat.

"Nah," he said giving her three more exquisite strokes from his thick dick before he pulled out.

She shifted up to her knees, her mouth wide open for him, but he stood next to face and held her chin. Turning it to face the mirror, Erik fisted his veiny shaft and shot his load all over the mirror. The creamy ejaculate spilled down in a wide swathe and Yani's lips twisted up in disappointment. She wanted his semen in her mouth and dripping down her lips.

"Lick it all up," he said.

Her eyes stared at him with shock. He pushed her face against the glass. His hot cum slick on her cheek.

"Think you get what you want when you act up?"

She hesitated, but he fisted the last of his cum on her face.

"That's your punishment. You don't get Daddy's dick in your throat. Lick my shit up."

Her face twisted up in anger. He wasn't going to let her cum. Pussy all swollen and ready to squeeze his dick hard, and this nigga was going to make her lick his hot ejaculate from a mirror.

He stood behind her head and reached down, squeezing her big tits. Flicking his fingers on her nipples, she could see his heated eyes. He was ready for more. But not before she did what she was told.

Her tongue tasted the rich tang of his semen and watching her trail it up and down the mirror made him excited. He penetrated her again, hands still squeezing her nipples, watching her face, his teeth biting his lower lip.

Her lips were drenched with his cum, the heat from her tongue chilled from the cool glass of the mirror as she licked and licked as he pumped into her.

"I want you to cum on my dick…please cum on my dick…"

She rocked her ass on him and when his fingers pinched her clit, her walls rippled along his length and she felt so full of him and the plug and so many other emotions that she felt herself floating in a haze of sated bliss.

"This right there…oh fuck, Yani…this is why I love you girl….oh fuck…this why I love you, Baby…I love you…"

Yani's eyes grew wide.

"Killmonger."

Her voice was soft and she reached back stroking his hair. He cradled her fingers and kissed them.

"You love me?" she asked.

Their sex ended the way it began, his mouth on her mouth, tongues sliding back and forth, lips wide open.

"You love me?"

"Yes," he said.

###

Chapter Fourteen Here

Tag List:

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@allhailqueennel @bartierbakarimobisson @cpwtwot @shookmcgookqueen @yoyolovesbucky

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[emotionally-imbruised]

Im literally refreshing your account cuz I can’t wait for part of the gemma’s bestfriend!

Adjsjshs WELL WAIT NO LONGER

Accidentally in Love Pt. 2

Pt. 1

“Accidentally, I’m in love.”

There’re many things you’ve done in life that you regret. It’s all part of being human, isn’t it? Whether it be something simple like not listening to your parents when they’d advise you not to do something because they knew it would come back and bite you in the ass. Or even just taking that one extra shot of tequila while out with some friends and having full knowledge of how you have work early the next morning... Being regretful when it comes to one's actions is a part of life, and you are no exception to this fact. And boy, are you feeling slightly regretful right now.

Was it one of your brightest ideas to make out with your best friend’s brother on his couch, while he’s sick? Absolutely the frick not. But was it ever smarter of you to panic when said best friend walked in with her mother on you and said brother unexpectantly, thinking it’d be best to avoid the entire situation rather than deal with it head-on? Ha-ha nope, and now the whole scene haunts your memories on a continuous loop.

It all started on Christmas Eve. Harry had called you stating he was sick, and how he didn’t want to be alone for the holidays after he’d gotten the news that Anne and Gemma would no longer be able to visit him because of the poor weather conditions in London – so he invited you over instead. Spending time alone with Harry was nothing out of the ordinary for you seeing as you’d grown quite close to the Rockstar throughout the years due to your friendship with Gemma. You never really considered him as anything other than a best friend despite the butterflies that always swarmed in your stomach whenever you were nearby one another.

A pathetic crush is what you believed it to be, and you treated it as such. However, all of that was thrown out the window after watching two rom-coms with the curly-haired boy cuddled up on his couch, and it was soon discovered that he’s felt the same about you for some time – and well, things got pretty heated after that.

Even with the countless times you’ve imagined the way Harry’s lips would feel being crashed against yours, there was still no chance in hell that you could’ve ever prepared yourself for how lost you’d get in his touch, and that’s precisely what happened. So very lost that neither of you noticed the sound of car doors closing outside or the soft chatter from the two women that had just arrived at Harry’s home. It all happened so fast once the two walked through the front door, and you couldn’t prepare yourselves for even the thought of them witnessing the two of you all over each other in that hot mess.

At first, everyone stayed silent, and it only went downhill from there. The shock that registered on not only Anne’s face at the scene in front of her but also your best friends will forever be etched into your mind, and it’s the absolute worst. You struggled to find your words as you immediately tried to defend your actions to two women that have become such a massive part of your life but were unable to get a word out as you shifted awkwardly on Harry’s lap and felt his increasingly hardening erection rub against the inside of your thigh.

The gasp that left your mouth as you quickly glanced down at the very prominent bulge making itself known through his track pants didn’t go unnoticed by Harry’s family when Gemma finally spoke up. “Oh my god.”

You nervously bit down hard on your bottom lip as you quickly scrambled off of Harry and you both stood up from the couch as you observed your best friend shake her head dramatically; trying her best to look at anywhere but at you and her brother.

“Mum, Gem, wha-what are you doing here?” Harry stammered as he briskly stood from the couch, and his face visibly became noticeably paler. No more words were exchanged as he instantly pressed a hand over his mouth before bolting around the sofa, past his mum and sister, and down the hall to the closest washroom. Soon enough, the only sounds that could be heard were that of him retching and coughing as he was so obviously busy with emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

Anne wasted no time in rushing after her son, but Gemma stayed planted firmly; looking at you in complete shock and confusion after what she’d just witnessed. An awkward moment passed and just as you were about to finally say something – Anne’s voice sounded from down the hallway requesting Gemma’s assistance in helping with Harry. The oldest Styles sibling took a deep breath before shaking her head again and disappearing down the hall with her family.

A part of you wanted to follow right after them to make sure Harry was ok, but your inner coward which happened to be very present at the time had other plans. Without even thinking about it, you wasted no time in shuffling around the couch and into the hallway, so you could make your sweet escape. Your heart pounded harshly in your chest as you struggled with putting your coat and shoes back on out of fear. Any one of the three could see you trying to flee. Once you were finally situated, you dashed out the front door to your car without looking back.

That was over two weeks ago, and the situation has yet to be resolved.

Besides the obligatory Merry Christmas and Happy New Year text exchanges between best friends – you and Gemma have not communicated, and you’ve been ripping yourself a new one over it.

During that awkward week between Christmas and New Year’s where everyone is all over the place, and no one really knows what day it is; you managed to run into Anne while you were out getting some lunch and she asked if she could tag along. There was no way you were going to turn down the woman who has become nothing short of being like a second mother to you, and it was one of the better choices you’d made in recent days. After expressing how sorry you were for the mess you felt you’d caused, she immediately shut that down and said your apology wasn’t necessary.

“Sure, the situation could’ve definitely been handled a bit better,” she explained, causing you to chuckle softly. “But you and Harry are both adults and if you both have feelings for each other, who am I to say anything about that. M’actually quite glad it’s you he’s taken a liking to even though that’s a bit prejudice for me to say because you’re already part of the family, Y/N. I know Gemma feels the same way, but she needs time to process what happened.”

Your entire exchange with Anne made you feel better, but you were still afraid to face your best friend and knew that needed to change. After sending a text stating how sorry you were with how things were handled and how you were ready to talk whenever she was, but unfortunately not hearing anything back; you decided to give her space she so clearly needed.  

And then there was Harry. After the entire incident, he wasn’t long texting and calling you trying to talk, but you cruelly left him on read and ghosted him for the last two weeks other than wishing him a happy holiday as well.

You’ve felt like absolute trash for ignoring Harry, but you have been too nervous about facing him. What if he didn’t mean what he said about liking you as well? Maybe he was just as caught up in the heat of the moment as you were and was just a little horny. All of these thoughts have drilled themselves into your brain, and you haven’t prepared yourself to deal with them just yet. Oh, and to top it all off… You managed to get sick as well.

You’re currently bundled up on your couch watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine as you reach towards the Kleenex box sitting on your coffee table, besides what’s left of the still steaming bowl of soup you just made because that’s all your stomach can hold down without making you want to vomit.

There is not one appealing aspect of your current situation, and you can’t help but think this really is just the icing on the cake with everything else that has happened. Damn Harry and his overly appealing germ-filled lips.

Just as you finish blowing your nose into one of the tissues while Jake and Amy start going off about something on the television, your phone chimes with a new text message and you’re startled by the sudden noise. You toss the tissue into the small trash can you have placed next to the couch and dig your phone out from under the pillows to see it’s Gemma asking if you are home. After replying with a simple ‘yes,’ you find yourself staring at the small screen awaiting a response – but it never comes. With a defeated sigh you lay your head against the large armrest of the couch and allow the exhaustion you’re feeling start taking you over – but just as your eyes flutter shut, your front door swings open and suddenly you’re wide awake.

You scramble from your laying position to see who just barged into your apartment but result in you falling down onto the solid hardwood floor with a loud thud. The embarrassed moans that leave your mouth are drowned out by a familiar chuckle, and you soon open your eyes to be met by Gemma’s as she glances down at you with a smirk. She doesn’t say anything as she extends her hand out to help you up, and you just shake your head as you accept her assistance.

“Sorry for barging in like that,” she starts and holds up her set of keys once you’re standing upright; showing off the extra key to your apartment you’d given her a while ago to use for whenever she was in LA visiting. “Decided to just let myself in.”

“What-.”

“Am I doing here?” She cuts you off, and you nod desperately. “Well I’ve been thinking, and these last two weeks have sucked a whole lot without having my best friend to talk to. I’m also getting pretty sick of this one’s never-ending sulkiness.” She gestures behind her to where Harry awkwardly stands, looking like an absolute mess, and you make no attempt in hiding your shock at his sudden presence. He’s obviously still feeling sick with how tired and groggy he looks in his loose grey hoodie and simple fitting jeans, and your guilty conscience comes in at full swing as you find yourself stepping towards him.

“Oh fuck, H,” you whisper as his cloudy green eyes meet yours with a hard-unreadable gaze but soon softens and replaced with concern as you’re taken over by an intense coughing fit.

“Y/N, please tell me you’ve gone to the doctor,” he asks immediately, and you feel even worse because even with how shitty you’ve been to him lately; your wellbeing is still a priority to him.

“Brave of you to assume there’s a likelihood of her leaving the apartment at all if she’s as sick as you’ve been,” Gemma pipes in and you look to her. “Y/N doesn’t do the doctors Harry, you know this. And wow, this is what you both get for making it to first base on that damn couch.”

And there it is. “Gem, the last thing I wanted to do was make you uncomfortable with any of this. It kinda just… happened,” your voice rasps out with another small cough at the end of it.

“I know,” she smiles, and you feel as if a weight has been lifted from your chest. “Can’t say I’m the biggest fan of my best friend and brother being all over each other like the way you two were, but I can say that you two are each one of the few people I think are actually good enough for the other. Y/N, as weird as it is to even think about – you’re one of the best people I could ever imagine my little brother with; and Harry, you’ve got some work to do, but Y/N can help you get to her level.”

“Thanks?” He grumbles, and you chuckle. His eyes then find yours, and you both give the other a knowing nod before engulfing Gemma in a tight group hug.

“Ew, no stop,” she whines and tries to squirm away. “I don’t know whatever illness it is you two have been passing around.”

“You love it,” you state and lean your head onto her shoulder, smiling widely as she wraps her arm around you and tilts her head against yours.

“It’s alright I guess,” she responds as your group hug slowly disperses. “I’m going to go though because I have plans with mum. But I’ll be back tomorrow with your Christmas gift, ok?”

“Of course. I’ve got yours as well, along with your birthday gift I forgot to bring to London with me when I visited at the beginning of December.”

“Worst best friend ever,” she jokes before giving you another hug, nodding to her brother, and disappearing out the front door. You were half expecting Harry to follow after her, but you’re pretty glad he didn’t so you can finally talk to him and get some things off your mind.

You turn to face him, and he awkwardly glances to the ground; not knowing how to approach the situation, so you do instead. “H, I was so caught up in worrying about your mum and Gemma I didn’t even consider your feelings in all of this, and I know I’ve said it a lot lately… but I’m especially sorry for how I just left after well, we kissed and-.”

“S’alright Y/N,” he chuckles at your rambling, and you feel yourself melting as he flashes you one of his giant dimpled grins. He steps towards you, and those damn butterflies in your stomach don’t hesitate in swarming. “I’ve never had a girl walk out on me like that before.”

“Is that supposed to sound appealing to me?” You scoff and keep yourself from snapping at him for the snide comment.

“No, I guess not,” he continues laughing, and you let out a huff. “But m’ sorry as well because I never told you how I felt about you sooner. It’s been for quite some time now, I’ve just been too much of a coward to do anything about it. S’a bit intimidating having feelings for someone who is not only your sister’s best friend but also one of your own. Not necessarily an easy thing to discuss.”

“We could always start talking about it slowly?” You suggest and smile at him shyly. “Could watch a movie and see where the evening takes us?”

Your thoughts instantly go back to what happened the last time the two of you watched a movie together and know he’s thinking the same thing; having no control over the blush burning its way across your cheeks.

He smirks smugly but slowly nods in agreement. “I’d like that.”

With a stupidly wide smile, the two of you make way to the couch and bundle up again… together. Once you’re both comfy and all cuddled against the other, you glance up at him and speak again. “It’s your turn to pick the movie.”

The way he smiles and tugs his bottom lip in between his teeth make you want nothing more than to press your lips against his again, but you decide to hold off for the time being as he gazes down at you. “Let’s watch Shrek. I’ve had a song from that movie stuck in my head for a while now.”

[barelynakedthoughts]

Wow, the past few days have been unreal. I last updated on Thursday in the morning soon after they had started pumping in pitocin. From 12pm, May 12th, until 5 am, May 14th, I was dealing with contractions. 41 hours of early labor and it only led to being dilated by 4cm.

I used a fitness orb, a fitness peanut, slow dancing, varying leg positions. Nothing pushed me into active labor. They kept saying to make it to 6cm and we'll be in the home stretch. The contractions got so strong throughout the day, too. I didn't want an epidural because I didn't want to do it so early. If the beginning took this long, can the ending really be that short? I wanted the baby in my arms but I knew he wasn't ready so I waited for him to give me a sign. (Note we can freely say pronouns now)

I believe at 10am on May 13th, they broke my water because I had made it to 4cm. It felt like things were moving so nicely! The doctor who came in at 6 am wa snot very comforting -made me cry. She gave me minimal answers and her visit was brief. Had I obtained the knowledge of inductions and labor that I have now, I would have been okay, but it was all so new to me and she was very curt after working her 24 hour shift. I wish she would do people favors and just not do those shifts. It would give her a better bedside manner. She basically gave me my first crying spell and I felt so desperate for four hours.

A new doctor came in soon after that. She reminded me of General Holdo from Star Wars, except I have no clue if she had purple-ish hair. Though Jackie, the nurse who talked a lot, had purple-ish hair. I could see it sticking out through her hair cap thing. Our room was always dark so I didn't really see much going on. Anyways, they broke my water and the contractions quickly turned into pain, pain and more pain. Not cramping pain, but pain nonetheless. I was on 2-30 levels of pitocin (whatever that means), and when the water broke, I was contracting every 1-2 minutes for hours on end. I breathed through all of them, dealt with the pain and kept my mind on the goal.

-----

I was thankful for the nurse we had the night before they broke my water, Shawna, because she knew how to just be there for me. When the new nurse came in after that terrible doctor visit, I wasn't all too thrilled cuz she talked a lot and overexplained things, but she at least made it very apparent that she cared. Shawna came back later in the evening, but she wasn't my nurse. She just knew that I liked her and she just wanted to help. It was a relief to have her there for a little bits she came in on.

-----

May 13th was like one last date day between Ryan and I. Besides the constant pain and regular contraction pauses, he and I just talked, hugged, watched Falcon and Winter Soldier, cried, laughed, and appreciated the other one being there. We barely got any rest. Though Ry was able to get a bit more than me, but not much. It was honestly a blurry of a day for me since I spent most of staring at focal points (the red light from the TV being turned off or Ryan's eyes or the up button for the bed or even this white piece on a red container on the baby's soon-to-be panda warmer). Im trying to write as much down as possible, but I know I'll miss a few things.

-----

As the day progressed, my energy level dropped substantially. I gave up my fitness orb life and I embraced bedrest for the first time in the pregnancy. Going to the bathroom was difficult and I was constipated. Stupid magical hemorrhoids that appeared two days before going in the hospital.

Those pesky IV issues got worse. As my pain increased, I had to deal with a 5 IVs. After the one in my elbow went off sixty thousand times, the nurse finally called the anesthesiology team to try another spot but with a deeper vein. She found it with an ultrasound, which was neat, and she had to really numb my arm to get it in there. It was the best IV, though. It really stuck in there and I only had minimal issues with the IV tower. Thank goodness because I was at my wits end at that point. Though Jackie ended up finish the IV and reconnecting my pitocin and fluid drips...she taped the IV to my hospital bracelet. So when anyone tried to scan it, I had to twist my arm painfully.

The one time, the food people came. I twisted my arm to have them read it, and they didn't even scan it....but we'll the damage was done. I had accidentally disconnected everything. The IV started gushing blood like a fountain and I just sat on my fitness orb with nothing much to do but hope it stopped soon...or that someone would come in. My husband actually had to go get someone because there was blood everywhere. All the while, I was contracting every 3 minutes at that point. So a fountain of blood just pushing out while squeezed my own legs. What a trip! The final IV sat in my arm up until May 15th...it was annoying to breastfeed with it in. I had to finish my toradol pain meds before it could come out.

-----

As the day went on, I kept contracting but nothing changed...at 10pm, they finally told us our options: more of the same or having a c-section. We were looking at a failed induction if we didn't progress to 6 cm by 5am, May 14th. At the point, it would have been 18 hours post my water being broke and the chance of infection would then steadily increase. I didn't take the news well and I cried. My night time doctor, who I had seen in the office and who is actually a midwife, was the one who broke the news. She tried to say it was natural to feel sad about this, but honestly...nothing was going to console me after here the word "failure".

Just like my sister, the pitocin failed. Before they officially said it failed, they did a pit rest (a 1-2 hour pitocin break) and then started the process at 2 levels again. We made it up to 10 levels before they called it at 430am. My cervix stopped at 4cm and there was no changing it. Though at that time, I had finally accepted the c-section. It was the right choice and it meant getting to see our baby sooner. We just needed to pray again for safety, healing and life...plus tell our families that I was having a c-section. They were wondering where we went for so long because I just cried for a while and asked that my husband not share anything until we were ready.

-----

The surgery was interesting. I wasn't really contracting anymore but I was exhausted, starving, shaking, and ready to be done. They wheeled me over without my husband so they could give me a spinal anesthetic, still no epidural. I sat there breathing in and out. Using yoga techniques to keep myself present and prepared for a flexible response. I hate the idea of needles going into my spine. I don't care about needles...it's the whole losing movement permanently issue. I need to be able to move and fidget to breathe calmly and react appropriately.

After they were finished, they slowly lowered me back. My legs went numbs and I started to shake uncontrollably. My teeth started chattering. It was if I was extremely cold so they put 3-4 warm blankets on me. I can't remember how many but I do know there were 5 total on me when all was said and done. They splayed my arms out like I was being crucified and I made sure not to move them beyond the shaking. I have no clue how long the procedure lasted but it was light outside when they were done. I believe it was less than an hour, but I honestly don't know. Time had become irrelevant yet so necessary by then. Time still hasn't recovered and it's been almost 3 weeks. (Note: I've been writing this on and off since the hospital stay.)

C-sections are weird. You're awake for the whole procedure and you can feel everything happening to you - the incision, the hands rooting around your insides for the baby, the baby coming out with their arms and legs hitting the sides of your open stomach as they leave, the uterus flopping around. There's just no pain involved.

When my baby came out, he didn't cry much, but when I heard his first squeal, my husband and I cried, too. He was finally here. Our baby boy was alive and well. A 7lb 5oz baby measuring at 20 inches even though he was a few weeks early. He was fully grown and ready to be with us. They measured him, cleaned him a little and got all his vitals while the doctors finished up with my stomach. They gave him to my husband to hold and I got to slightly touch the baby. I cried the whole time because of how happy I was. It was the most fulfilling moment and it was just the beginning of my son's life.

The surgeon was the OBGYN who recommended us to the fertility clinic three years prior, almost to the date. We had come full circle. She still has a weird bedside manner, but the whole thing was surreal. She did a good job and we all made it out safely. My husband was so nervous holding our baby. It was his first time ever holding a baby. I didn't want a c-section, but I was glad when everything was over. My legs remained numb for a while - a few hours I think? In order to graduate to the mother/baby unit and to eat, I had to be able to move my toes. It was a weird feeling to be able to move my arms and not my lower body. Around my incision, I'm still a bit numb there and apparently, I could be for a long time.

We took our first picture together and I look terrible, as if I had gone through pain for 3 days straight. My husband, the always photogenic one, looked great and our son could barely be seen. At least we have this family photo - even if no one else is allowed to see it. My body was still shaking. My shoulders were starting to hurt and feeling was coming back to my lower extremities slowly. They were prescribing me motrin, tylenol and oxy. I only took tylenol because the rest seemed frivolous. Sure, I was in pain, but nothing compared to the contractions and well, I survived all of that with just a tylenol here and there for headaches.

By about noon, I was starving by this point. It had been 30ish+ hours of early labor since I had last eaten. We ordered food (with some hiccups along the way) and finally got to eat when we arrived the mother/baby unit. It was then we started our four day stay of recovering, figuring out parenting, breastfeeding, and personal survival, and being interrupted every hour by nurses, doctors, consultants, social workers and who knows who else. I had only gotten about 2-3 hours of sleep in total during the 3 days of delivery. I matched this during the first few days of parenting, too. Even when I got home, I lived on 2 hours max for about three days straight. A week+ of no sleep really did me in. I was exhausted and finally got rest when I slept through a few alarms. Thankfully my husband took over that night because I needed it.

While in the mother/baby unit, our son had dropped about 10% of his birthweight. He was dehydrated and having a tough time pooping because of the weight loss. It was getting much milk because my nipples wouldn't stay erect while he was eating. Plus he kept falling asleep and it was hard to keep him demeanor.

A lactation consultant visited 6 times. I didn't like the first one, but then we lucked out with Renee for the rest of the visits. She was understanding and she didn't pressure us to breastfeed her way. She thought of different ways to encourage us and give solutions, such as a nipple shield or supplementing formula. Renee revealed that her oldest went through this as well and that it doesn't help when the hospital staff tells you how to do everything their way without listening to your needs. I commend her for her absolutely genuine care and reassuring assistance.

A few nurses were stellar (not Shawna awesome, but still great to have). Katie gave us our first few hours of rest. It also hurt his weight cuz I was delayed on the feedings, but she gave us swaddlers, extra blankets, shirts, etc. She also made sure to talk to us like we were humans and not patients who were leaving in a few days. Kristie was the first one to see me cry and she knew exactly what to do. She brought us the right sized nipple shield and flanges. She brought us a ton of formula. She helped ease my feelings of hopelessness transition into a sense of pointed purpose. The other nurses - Salimah, Anna, Natalie and a few others in the mother/baby unit were the best parts of the stay. Even if they all provided varying levels of care.

The doctors were too quick with their check-ins and I didn't really enjoy their presence. They had the best intentions but we felt like a mark on their checklist. I assume they have too much to do in one day.

The room was small for a three person family but large enough for everything we needed to do while there. Our baby had a little plastic tube of a bassinet with two drawers of storage. My husband had to sleep on the most uncomfortable couch out of the three he ventured on. I believe it was this one that he caught an ear infection from because he didn't use the bed setting. He used the regular couch setup because the bedding was slanting.

The bathroom was pretty big, though. I put many mesh underwear and large pads on in there. It's where a nurses used a perineal bottle on me and showed me how to use it. It's where I took my first post-surgery shower and found out my stomach was numb still. I liked our original room with the induction unit best because of the couch for my husband, and I loved the huge size of the labor/delivery room. The bathroom for the mother/baby unit was best. It was right next to my bed during a time when it was hard to walk. Plus it served as a dish washing site and a great place to rest from all the noises in a hospital.

I had a catheter in from the c-section and by the time they took it out, I was very hydrated. Peeing clear impressed the nurses who took it out - I guess it's the little odd things that make the day better.

My husband and I fought multiple times in the hospital and since coming home. We're exhausted. We don't fight often, but when we do, it is normally because one of us is tired...and well, we're always tired right now.

-----

It's now 6 weeks post delivery and our little guy is doing well. He's a tad under the weather (doctors says a cold), but otherwise he is 11 pounds and 22 inches long. He grows pretty fast so he may be heavier by now.

These last few weeks have been very tough and I've gone through a lot of emotions. It's a lot of work and we asked for it. We really wanted a child and now we're finding out how hard it is to raise one. Yet would I trade my son for anything? No. This shows how bad we wanted a child and also how much we are still willing to sacrifice in order to hold him for many more years. The birthing experience was not what I wanted, but he came home. That's all I prayed for...and it's exactly what we got. I can only be thankful to God for his life right now. My heart feels warm.

-----

This post took six weeks to write because I don't have much time anymore. Most of it was done while in the hospital, but some parts had to be completed or filled in afterwards. It barely covers everything that happened during our 6-day stay. It was a long and arduous time, and now we are met we an harder time of caretaking. Parenthood is so glamorized and I'm here to tell you how much it shouldn't be. The afterglow is wonderful and the heart fuzziness is neverending. No, seriously. I feel joy even when my son is crying and I don't know what to do to help. Yet, we paint pictures of cuddling babies and doing fun activities, but it's a lot more than that. Make sure you want a baby before having one. It's a lot of work to get to the time where they can take care of themselves alongside you. It's years of waiting for them to grow old enough to just pee on their on own. It's many days wondering if you're doing okay as a guardian. You just hope they survive your mistakes and your novice-abilities of taking care of a human life. As rewarding as it may be, you are forever changed. For at least the beginning parts, you will not have much time to do anything for yourselves besides eat and sleep, which is still something you lose and have to reteach yourself and your baby how to do at the same time.

I'm not complaining, just not being dishonest. I'd rather be open about my struggles than to sink in self-negligence. Sure, I probably have postpartum depression in a mild sense, but I am actively working to go beyond it. It's been tough to not have much time for myself, but I can't give up. I have to do this for my baby and for my husband. I have to keep going for myself, too. I owe it to me.

[undertaleowl]

Expanding the Canon, chap. 2

Hey all! Here’s the second chapter, and the fic is now officially on AO3, so go to the link to read, if that’s easier for you!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15027401/chapters/34837757

Expanding the Canon, chapter 2

FOUR MONTHS LATER…

Averia stood in line for the hot dogs and hot cats as she listened attentively to the twins, both talking her non-existent ears off about different topics on either side of her. It was a crisp fall day, the perfect day for her siblings to be playing at recess in their matching green and blue striped t-shirts and jeans. Today was a teacher work day, meaning the kids had the day off. Normally, she would be at work right now, but since her number one babysitter was a high school student who DID have school today, and her other younger sibling also had school today, that left her to take the day off.

It was always a pleasure to have more time with her siblings since she was usually at work from 5:00 AM to 5:00 PM. Her work hours made it so that she only had three or so hours with them until they had to go get ready for bed. Except on the weekends, then they had four hours to spend together, because the twins’ bed times were 9:00 instead of 8:00. She at least got more time with Merri, the oldest of the younger siblings. She was the equivalent of a human twelve-year-old, and so she got to stay up until 9:00 normally and 10:00 on weekends, and she would talk to her book-lover sister about her day and what movies and books were out there, and they would geek out together.

“Next up!” Averia gently pushed on her siblings’ backs to push them towards the counter.

“Think about what you want, you two,” she prodded gently. Sans the Skeleton gave her a lazy salute.

“Hey there, Ms. Averia. What brings you by so early?” he asked as he went to make her usual, her hot cat with the ends so burnt that they were charred. Averia chuckled and gestured to the two kids.

“These munchkins didn’t have school today, and normally they have lunch at 11:00 instead of 1:00, so I’m here early,” she answered, grinning at him. “Glad you were open. Wasn’t sure if you were gonna be or not.” Sans nodded in acknowledgement.

“Oh, you know me. I can be here early since I can do the job with my eyes closed,” he replied. Averia breathed out a laugh.

“Are you sure you actually do the job with your eyes closed, or is that your excuse to sleep when you’re supposed to be working?” Sans was about to respond when he heard two amazed “whoa’s” come from either side of Averia.  

“Can you really work while sleeping, mister?” the little girl skeleton asked while wringing her hands, obviously in awe. Sans’ smile became a little softer when he saw the little girl flush purple when he nodded yes to her question.

“That’s SO cool! How do you do it?” the little boy skeleton interjected before Sans could answer, practically jumping up and down. Lato's skull kind of reminded him of Papyrus while his eye sockets were wider, like Sans' own. Averia chuckled and ran her fingers down the back of the boy’s skull.

“Lato, Mr. Sans is just-” Loud, theatrical snoring from the stand interrupted her, and blue magic levitated hot dogs and hot cats onto the grill while condiments were also floating at the ready. The twins giggled while Averia smirked with her arms crossed, her phalanges tapping on her humerus. Her hot cat floated over to her, along with Lato’s and Lora’s plain hot dogs. Sans opened his eye sockets and winked at them.

“Like that, kiddos.”

Averia finally decided, “To hell with it,” and played along. “Mr. Sans is a skeleton of many talents. Now what do you two say to Mr. Sans?”

“Thank you, Mr. Sans,” the kids intoned in unison before taking their hot dogs and rushing to the nearby oak tree, where there was a purple and white checkered blanket spread out for them. She chuckled softly, shaking her head slightly before she looked back to Sans, who regarded her little brother and sister with a warm, content look on his face. She would try to guess why later. They were still only acquaintances, after all, so it would be rude if she asked.  

“You know, you’re the first one I’m coming after if Lora or Lato begin sleeping in class while trying to listen to the teachers,” Averia stated, trying and failing to keep her tone serious. Sans shrugged.

“Welp, wouldn’t exactly be a bad thing,” he replied before winking again at her. Averia raised both bone brows and was about to ask what he meant by that when he added, “I’d just give you a free hot cat, and you’d let me off the hook.” Averia felt her cheek bones heat up, nearly glowing green, as he snickered at her. “You’re not as much of the strict librarian that you pretend to be, Ms. Averia.”

The petite skeleton librarian went to retort, but she was interrupted by an unfortunately VERY familiar voice shouting, “Hey thief! How about you do a decent thing for once in your life and stop running?!” Averia closed her eye sockets in exasperation and sighed. Out of instinct, she put her leg behind her and tripped the perp trying to get away. On cue, Armata rushed by in her navy blue uniform and tackled the other skeleton, putting handcuffs on him. The broad and big-boned woman took her role as the first monster police officer very seriously, and the dark circles under her eye sockets revealed that she hadn’t slept in a while. Averia made a note to force her to sleep later in the day or in the week.

“Aw, come on, doll face, it ain’t like the dead broad was gonna miss whatever was taken!” This time, it was Sans who closed his eye sockets and sighed. The handcuffed skeleton must have been one of Sans’ alternates, based on the other’s reaction, the handcuffed man’s short stature, and the identical eye socket shape. Only in contrast to Sans’ blue hoodie, this Sans wore a sweater with a black leather jacket with a fur hood, despite the 60 degree Fahrenheit weather. The other Sans met Sans’ eyelights and brightened. “Classic! Buddy, chum, amigo! Can you please tell the psycho police lady that there’s been some sort of mix-up and that I’d never do anything that bad?” The two female skeletons looked at Sans expectantly, and Sans felt a little bit of sweat drip down the back of his skull.

“I’ve never seen this guy before in my life,” Sans lied, you know, like a liar. Averia had to avert her face to the ground to keep herself from laughing at the obvious falsehood as the alternate growled in the back of his throat.

“Classic, you are fucking dead to me. When I get outta these cuffs, I’m making you pay,” the alternate Sans growled. Sans shrugged while Armata tightened the magic-repressing cuffs, yanked him up to stand on his feet, and scowled at the back of the perp’s skull.

“The only one who’s paying is you, bucko.” Armata turned to Averia and grinned, her cheeks flushed a light pink from the running. “Morning, Avie! Beautiful Autumn day, right?” Averia chuckled.

“I guess so, though I don’t want to keep you from doing your job by talking about what a good day it is,” she tried to coerce, continuously glancing at the arrested skeleton, who seemed to be growing more and more irritated. However, the bulky skeleton woman just waved her free hand as the other hand held the middle chain of the guy’s handcuffs to prevent him from escaping.

“Ah, this bozo isn’t going anywhere. I never see you unless I go to the library, and when I do, you don’t wanna talk to me,” Armata whined. Averia raised both of her bone brows, amused and exasperated at the same time.

“It’s because I work at a library, Ari. Literally, it is the only place where being quiet is an expectation and a rule, so I can’t make an exception for you just because we’re friends. It would be like if I committed a crime, and I told you not to arrest me,” Averia scoffed. Armata responded with a scoff of her own.

“You’re too much of a good-two-bones to do anything like that, so that’s a stupid comparison. Seriously, how have you been? How are the kiddos?” Averia finally caved to her friend’s enthusiasm and giggled.

“Kiddos are fine. Lora and Lato are over on the blanket by the tree.” She motioned over to the two children as they talked with their mouths full, causing Armata to laugh while Averia winced at their lack of manners. “They didn’t have school today, so I took the day off to hang out with them. It’s been nice. Poor Merri had a presentation in her Human World History class today, so the kid will have cookies waiting for her when she gets home,” Averia answered, her voice pitching a little lower sympathetically. Armata hummed in understanding.

“Poor kid. So tell me, sweetie bones, does the fear of public speaking run in the family, or is it a learned trait?” Averia glared at her friend for the comment. “Come on, Avie, it’s an honest question! You’re a grown-ass woman, you don’t even have to speak in public anymore, so why’s it still have you and now your younger sister all fucked over?” Lora and Lato rushed over to them, grinning. Armata grinned down at them. “Hey, who are these big munchkins? I don’t think I’ve seen them around before!” Lora giggled.

“It’s us, silly Ari!” Armata fake gasped.

“No,” she said in fake disbelief. Lato smirked.

“Better believe it, Ari. Also!” He pulled out his wallet, opened it, and pushed it into her side. “Swear jar, two times. One dollar, please!” Armata scowled and fished in her pocket for some loose change. By some miracle, she found four quarters and dropped them into the kid’s wallet.

“Jesus fuck, this is so corny that this could be in family sitcom that airs in the early morning ‘cuz nobody fucking wants to watch that shit. Just get me outta here already,” Sans’ alternate self griped. Armata grit her teeth and dug an elbow into his spine. “Ow, fuck!”

“Are we allowed to ask him for money for the swear, Avie?” Lora asked.

“No,” all of the skeleton adults answered in unison, even the alternate Sans. Armata glared at her captive’s head.

“You don’t even get to think of corrupting these beautiful skellie angels by talking to them. Come on, bastard.”

“Swear jar!”  

“Take an IOU, kiddos. I gotta go work.” Armata replied, grinning wryly at them. She looked in Averia’s direction. “Milonga’s got a gig Saturday. I’m sending you the info, and you are coming. It’s after your shift at the library, so you’re coming, and I won’t take no for an answer!” Before Averia could respond, Armata was strutting down the street to the Ebott City police car.

“Avie? We finished our lunches. Can we go play on the playground, pleeeeeeeeeeease?” Lora begged, making her eyelights turn into stars. Averia looked at the close playground and back to her little brother and sister, who were looking at her with pleading eye sockets. Averia nodded, smiling when the two brightened and ran off, giggling.

“Stay where I can see you,” she called after them. Neither responded, so she sighed and shook her head before turning to smirk at the skeleton vendor.

“So...you have an alternate, huh? What’s that like?” she asked, barely restraining a laugh. Sans chuckled despite himself.

“The ones I’ve met are ok, even the dumbass who just got himself arrested. It’s harder to feel bonely now since I know there are other skeletons, even if most of them are my weird twins I never knew existed. I’m pretty sure my brother and I were the only skeletons in our sector,” he explained lazily. Averia cocked her head to the side.

“What sector are you from? I don’t think I’ve ever asked, sorry,” she inquired apologetically. Sans waved a bony hand.  

“Meh, it’s not like you’re the type to pry out the bare bones of my life story,” he joked, smirking a little bit when Averia failed to bite down a smile at the pun. “I’m from Sector 1. So is my bro.” Averia gave him a confused look. “What?”

“You sure you’re from Sector 1? I think I would remember a short, punny skeleton with a hot dog and hot cat cart wandering around,” she noted. Sans felt his eye lights flicker for a moment as he eyed the skeleton regular, intrigued.

“What, you’re from Sector 1? Which area? The capital? I didn’t spend too much time there, so that could be why we never ran into each other.” Averia shook her head. “No, we were in between the locked entrance to the Ruins and Snowdin Town. My aunt was a great climber, and there was this crevice that looked like a jagged crack in the ground, but it led to a canyon. That’s where we lived. We used to come out a lot more often, but then someone decided to build this weird bridge thing with bars. So that decreased mobility a little bit, but we came out to do major shopping in the Capital, for food and blankets and stuff.” Sans looked like he wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. “Mr. Sans? You ok there?” Sans decided to go with laughter apparently. Averia regarded him with the same confused expression until his laughter faded.

“Thank my bro for that. We were sentries in Snowdin Forest. That was supposed to be a gate to stop humans in case they came from the Ruins,” he finally explained. Averia’s expression must have darkened because Sans gave her a guarded look. “Look, my bro wouldn’t have intentionally hurt a fly. If we’d known there were monsters--”

“Oh, I’m gonna have some serious words with her,” she growled, interrupting Sans’ assurance. Sans cautiously reached out and poked her arm, and seemed a little bit apologetic when she jumped nearly a foot in the air, like a cat that got spooked.

“You aren’t mad at my brother for building that bridge and gate thing, right?” he asked. Averia felt her face flush the same color as her magic, a lime green.

“Oh, gosh no! Sorry, I just got lost in thought, I guess, heh heh,” she tried to chuckle, but it was obvious that she was still tense and uneasy, especially since he was still eyeing her like a bomb that might blow any moment. “My aunt just told us that the bridge was to keep bad monsters out. I’m miffed because it wasn’t anything like that after all.” Sans was still kind of gaping at her, so she just accepted her failure at socializing. “Ugh, sorry. I should really go and check on the twins. Nice seeing you again, Mr. Sans,” she rushed before practically sprinting off, almost barreling over a human child with a purple and blue striped sweater, and was that the former queen with them!? She rushed past even more quickly as the human child and Toriel went to Sans’ stand.  

She REALLY needed to learn how to not daydream or get lost in thought while she was talking to someone.

[captainsbabysitter-blog]

Double Trouble Ch11

Masterlist Here

Pairing: McKirk

Rating: G

Length: 2576 words

Summary: The last chapter! Here’s the payoff, my loves! Jim and Len spend the day together while the girls are off with Jo’s Aunt Donna. Talks are had, victories are won, and it all ends happily ever after.

Author’s Notes: Thank you all so, so much for your enthusiasm toward this fic! I’m beyond thrilled that every one of you has seemed to really enjoy it. I hope you love the ending as much as you’ve loved the rest of it.

~*~*~*~

Sunlight filtered in through the open curtains and shone against Len’s closed eyelids. It pulled him out of the most comfortable sleep he’d ever had. He snuggled in closer to the warm body next to him and pressed a kiss into the soft skin beneath his cheek, and it wasn’t until Jim tensed that Leonard remembered that this wasn’t Charlie, that it was his daughter’s hot bio-dad, and that he’d dragged Jim into bed with him the night before.

He shot up and backed away quickly, staring in horror at Jim’s very entertained expression. “Shit I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t be. You’re very comfortable. Besides… Having you latch onto me like that was rather cute.”

Len’s face burned. He tried looking anywhere but Jim’s face as he responded, “I need to shower and wash the bourbon from my mouth before we go anywhere.”

Before Jim could get another word out, Len bolted into the master bathroom and practically slammed the door behind him. As he let his head fall back against the door, that was the moment his entire head decided to remind him that he wasn’t twenty anymore and couldn’t drink half a bottle of bourbon with no consequences. The sharp throb encasing his brain wasn’t a pleasant discovery. He pulled the painkillers from the cabinet and downed a couple dry; he’d grab some water when he went downstairs. For now, he turned the shower on and let the water heat until steam started rising from over the curtain and stepped under the blessedly hot spray.

When he felt more presentable, Len made his way down to the kitchen. Jim was already leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee and a far away look in his eyes that snapped back to the present when the brunette got close enough.

“Hey, Bones. Feeling better?” He ran a hand through his own damp hair as he looked Len over.

“Yeah. Sorry again about… Well…”

“Playing octopus and not letting me leave because I’m comfy?”

The clink of the pot going back on the hot plate was probably a bit more forceful than it needed to be. “Is that what I said?”

“Oh yeah. Then you were out before I could try to squirm away. It’s fine, though. I slept alright and you’re some kind of heat leach because I usually overheat when someone tries snuggling up to me in bed.” He took a sip of his coffee- as blonde as he was and probably equally loaded with sugar- and looked around. “The girls can’t be gone yet, can they? I dunno about Jo, but Ellie hates everyone before at least 10.”

“Jo’s always been an early riser. I think that’s leftover from when I used to leave before the sun came up to work. She was always up and waiting for me to make breakfast when I came down from my shower,” Len smiled softly at the memory. “It was sometimes the only chance I’d get to see her awake all day.”

Jim nodded and let the silence linger for a while so they could enjoy their coffee. Both Ellie and Joanna came bouncing in followed by Donna and the fathers had to parse through the excited babble.

“Daddy Aunt Donna said we’re gonna hang out today!”

“And we’re gonna go play at a park!”

“And get lunch and she even said we could go to the aquarium cuz Ellie really likes the fish.”

“Girls, I think you’re making their heads spin!” Donna laughed. “Go on and give them hugs and kisses so we can get going or the diner might run out of breakfast.”

That got them both moving. Ellie wrapped her arms around Jim’s waist as Jo attached herself to Len. The fathers shot each other amused glances and leaned down for the kisses each girl had for their dad’s cheek.

“You be good, Jojo.”

“You too, Ellie.”

“We will!” They called over their shoulders in unison before taking the stairs two at a time to finish getting ready.

“You think you can handle them both all day?” Len asked, brow raised as he went back to his coffee.

“I’ll be fine. You two have plans?”

“Lunch and an art museum in Atlanta.” Jim grinned.

“Which museum?” Donna tipped her head to the side curiously. “There are at least four different art museums in Atlanta that I can think of.”

Jim turned to Len who just shrugged. “We can go to all of them if you want. How long can you spend in a single art museum?”

“How long could you spend in a medical museum?” Jim shot back.

“Fair enough.”

About an hour later, they were buckling into Len’s truck and heading toward the city. A comfortable quiet settled over them as each tried to gather their thoughts. Leonard reminded himself repeatedly that any attraction he felt toward Jim was likely just a rebound infatuation while Jim took up the silent mantra, ‘it’s not gonna happen, it’s not gonna happen, it’s not gonna…’ The one thought they did share was the realization that they were definitely set up.

He cursed quietly at the whole situation, and when Jim gave him a confused look, he sighed. “You been feeling like they’re trying to push us together?”

“Yeah.” Jim chewed on his lip a little before adding, “Would that really be such a bad thing?”

Len was silent for a lot longer than was strictly necessary before he answered, “No. It wouldn’t. But the fact that I’m thinking like that when it’s been barely 24 hours since my fiancé left my house bothers me. And just… There’s already so much happening all at once.”

“Well what if I said I’d be interested if you decided it wasn’t bothering you?” Jim kept his eyes trained out the window as he spoke, not wanting to risk looking at Len.

Careful consideration went into his next words, “I’d ask you to be patient and let me figure things out. I want to decide what we’re doing about Jo first. And I’d want to figure out what sort of ground rules I need. Because if we were to do that and break up later, it would affect the girls. Especially now that we know they’re sisters.”

“Yeah… Alright, yeah. That makes sense.” He couldn’t squash all the hope bubbling up in his chest, but Jim made a valiant effort. “Just think about it, alright?”

“I’ve been thinking about it since you stepped off the plane,” Len admitted with a sigh. “First there was Charlie, and now I just want to make sure this isn’t a rebound.”

Jim nodded and decided to change the subject. “So do we want to do two museums? One before lunch and one after?”

“Alright. I’ll even let you tell me about why the random paint splashes mean something.”

“If that’s going to be how you talk the whole time, we’re going to have some words, Mr. McCoy.”

“That’s Dr. McCoy to you.”

“I’ll just stick with Bones.”

The first museum was interesting even though Len didn’t understand a single word that came out of Jim’s mouth. Modern art had never been his preferred flavor, but the way Jim bounced from painting to painting to sculpture to painting with an enthusiasm usually displayed by children as they’re discovering something new enchanted him. More than once, Jim grabbed Len’s hand to drag him off to see something new and point out the bits and pieces he loved about a painting hug on the wall.

Lunch was simple. They ate at a place about half way between the first museum and the next and chatted about the girls. Now that they had the time to just sit and think and bounce ideas without the girls potentially interrupting them and without Charlie there to sulk like a child, it was easier.

“So you mentioned before that you’d be willing to fly down here with Ellie during summers. Assuming one of us hasn’t moved by next summer, would you still be willing to do that?”

“Yeah, definitely. My job is portable and I can stand flying,” Jim grinned at him over his burger. “And I’m pretty sure Chris and Phil adored Ellie, so she’s welcome in Cali any time. You are, too, if you can ever get yourself on a plane.”

“Wish I could say I see that happening, but I feel like my heart just about stops just going to the airport.”

“I’ll just fly to you, then.”

“So…” Len ran his finger along the rim of his glass, clearly debating with himself. “I still want to take this slow, and I’m still not entirely sure if this is me really feeling something for you or if it’s rebound feelings paired with you being an amazing dad, but I think it’s something I’d like to revisit later. Once you’re back home and we have some distance to give us a bit of perspective.”

“Alright. Yeah, that makes sense. Um…” Jim shifted around in his chair looking a little unsure of himself. “About how likely is it that this will be a thing, do you think?”

“At this point? Pretty sure.”

By the time the two of them reached the end of the second museum, they were leaning into each other and giving lingering touches that barely toed the line of platonic. As they left, Len steered Jim outside and toward the truck with a gentle hand low on his back. Jim was still chattering away about the last piece they had spent half an hour looking at. The blonde looked so happy about it that Len couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed.

The whole day had felt like he’d known Jim all their lives. It was a feeling completely foreign to Leonard, but he didn’t want to examine it too closely. He’d spent too much time examining every angle of this whole situation. Instead, he snagged Jim’s hand as he moved to get into the passenger side. The confused look he received in response only lasted the briefest of moments before Len leaned in to press a quick, chaste kiss to Jim’s lips.

Well now that just wouldn’t do. Jim threw an arm around Len’s neck and pulled him down into a proper kiss, his eyes closed as he allowed himself to just feel Len’s lips pressed against his own. For a second, it seemed as though he’d get no real response, but Len coiled an arm around Jim’s waist as the other hand came up to cup the back of Jim’s head.

It was a dizzying experience, and when Len’s tongue traced its way along Jim’s lip, he didn’t even hesitate to part them. He’d figured Len would be a good kisser, but he didn’t think it would be quite so fiery; the man knew just how much pressure to apply and a soft nip to his lower lip had him keening and his knees buckling. When they finally pulled apart, he was dazed at staring at Len in a mixture of surprise and desire.

“So I guess you’ve changed your mind about waiting, huh?”

Len stroked at Jim’s cheek with his thumb. “I guess I have…”

“The girls are going to be so smug about this, you know.”

“Let them. They did well,” Len chuckled and gave Jim’s hand a quick squeeze. “Let’s get going.”

Jim snuck another quick kiss before he clamored into the truck with the biggest grin on his face. No matter how they got to that point, it was all worth it.

A triumphant cheer interrupted their thoughts and drew their attention to the other side of the parking lot where Donna and the girls were watching. Jim’s cheeks flared a bright red while Len just sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Donna and Jo shot Ellie matching exasperated looks as the dads made their way over.

“So how long were you watching us?” Knowing his sister as he did, they’d probably tailed him and Jim all damn day.

“Well…” Ellie and Jo shared a look before they pointed to Donna in unison. “It was her idea!”

“Oh I don’t doubt that for a second. We’re all going to sit down and have a talk when we get back home.” All three girls sulked at the thought. Len just rolled his eyes and gestured toward his sister. “You’re a grown woman, Donna. At least try to set a good example.”

“Can’t make me.”

“We’ll meet you back at the house.”

As they made their way back home, Jim couldn’t wipe the dopey, besotted smile from his face. Every once in a while, he’d glance over to the driver seat where Len was trying to suppress his own grin and failing horribly.

Laying down ground rules with the girls back at the house was a little less fun, but it was a much-needed reality check. Ellie and Jo were already excitedly talking about the two of them getting married one day, and Donna didn’t seem willing to be the one to slow them down, so it was up to their fathers to bring them all back down to Earth.

Leonard got the four of them settled onto stools in the kitchen with a pad of paper after he convinced Donna this should just be the dads and their daughters for right now to write down their thoughts. The last thing he wanted was for this to be another Charlie situation.

“So first rule,” he declared, jotting down a 1 and circling it, “is that the girls come first.”

“I second that rule,” Jim agreed and leaned down to kiss the top of Ellie’s head.

“Do we get to make rules, too?” Jo asked curiously.

“We’re all suggesting rules and if we agree on them, they’ll be rules,” her father explained. “Jim and I have final say.”

Joanna debated silently with herself for a minute before speaking up again, “If we tell you something’s wrong, you gotta listen.”

Len’s heart clenched at the way she wouldn’t look at him when she said it. Without bothering to confer with Jim, he wrote it underneath the first rule. He knew he needed to sit with her and have a long, long talk about what happened with Charlie, but he put that aside for now.

“How are you and papa gonna date if we’re in California?”

“That’s something we’ll need to figure out later, peanut. Right now, we’re making rules.” Jim shared a look with Len who just shrugged and motioned toward the paper. “I think we need one about manipulating each other to get what we want after this little stunt, don’t you Bones?”

He made a small noise of agreement as he wrote it down. “We’ll ask for what we want instead of being sneaky.”

Both girls shared a guilty look, but it didn’t last long. Everyone was happy with the results even if Leonard and Jim weren’t thrilled with the method.

“I can’t think of any more,” Ellie admitted with a shrug.

“Me neither,” Jo agreed.

After a bit of thought, Len motioned Jim over and whispered something to him. Jim smiled and nodded, so Len pulled the notebook closer and wrote down one more rule as the girls watched with piqued curiosity. When he shifted it toward them, they read it with wide smiles.

‘No matter what happens, Leonard and Jim will always love Joanna and Ellie.’

~*~*~*~

Tagging: @auduna-druitt​ @pinkamour1588​ @gracieminabox​ @thevalesofanduin​ @yourtropegirl​ @randomlittleimp​ @southernbellestatues​ @emmkolenn​ @goingknowherewastaken​ @bubblegum-star-trek​ @loisrose​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @outside-the-government​ @arrowsshootyouforwards​ @eyeofdionysus​ @goodnightwife

[authorivansanchez]

In Loving Memory of Johnny Torres 2/21/1969 – 3/27/2019

First and foremost, our family would like to thank everyone who has been supportive throughout this very difficult time in our lives, which in all honesty has caught us way off guard.

We want to thank everyone who came out to the hospital to wish Johnny a peaceful transition into his next journey. Everyone who called, wrote messages, donated money to his Go Fund Me. And to everyone who has shed tears over the last 5, 6, 7 days. But more so, everyone who has laughed over that same time period, at some silly memory of Johnny, which surely popped into your head, when you least expected it.

Let’s not forget who Johnny was, as we celebrate his life over the next few days. It’s completely understandable for all of us to mourn this tremendous loss, but please let’s not lose sight of who Johnny was at the core of his soul.

A man who would take the worst moments in life, and find some funny shit to say, to ensure that everyone’s pain was eased, if only just for a moment.  

I want to take a second to ask you all to have some patience with me, and to please send some positive vibes up here, so that I can get through this.

Though I’ve written several eulogies for my friends and family over the years. I’ve never had the courage or strength to read them out loud. 

However, for my brother Johnny, my lifelong protector, my mentor in many facets of life, and my heart. I must find the courage to honor him by standing in front of you all today and sharing a little bit about what Johnny meant to us all.

There’s a saying by Maya Angelou that states, “One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous or honest…”

For those of you who don’t know. I’ve drawn more courage from the Torres family, than I could ever explain. Through that courage, they’ve allowed me to flourish to my full potential. For that reason, I’ll do everything in my power to honor Johnny, and all of his loved ones, properly with my words.

To honor the love his mother Vilma, his father Herman Sr., his wife Mickey, his daughter Alyssa, his son Tristan, his granddaughters Gemma and Geanna, his brothers Herman Jr. and James, and his sisters, Valerie and Tabby, all hold very deeply in the depths of their souls and hearts.

Of course, we’re Puerto Rican, so while I’d love to mention everyone in the family by name, all Johnny’s nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, and the list goes on and on…

We would run out of time. Boricuas don’t die… We multiply. There are thousands of us... 

I did tell Mickey I needed 6 hours to speak about Johnny today, but she cut my time down to 4 hours, so let’s get into this celebration of Johnny’s life…

Johnny was born in the Manhattan, NY on Feb. 21st 1969, under the zodiac sign Pisces.

For those of you who follow the signs, “There is nothing weak about a Pisces. They have the heart of a soldier, and when it comes to family and friends, they would do anything…”

Let’s pause there for a moment…Because I want you all to process those words... 

And let me repeat that last sentence, “When it comes to family and friends, they would do anything…”

Sound like the Johnny we all know and love?

When you talk about Pisces being soldiers. Johnny was born into a world that was surrounded by drugs, poverty, despair, violence, extreme violence, with over 1,000 murders in NYC recorded in 1969.

The Vietnam War was still going on, the battle of Hamburger Hill happened in 1969. And let’s not forget the race riots breaking out Down South, but also in places like Chicago, and even right next door to NY, in places like York, PA, where an African American woman named Lillie Belle Allen was murdered by two white men, simply for the color of her skin.

Why should any of this matter to anyone in this room?

It matters because Johnny, our brother, our family member, our friend. Had no choice but to be a soldier being born into circumstances like these. Being born into a world in which the odds of survival were already stacked against him from the very moment of his birth. 

But do you know what Johnny had working in his favor?

He had a mother, like my Titi Vilma. And a father like my Uncle Herman, who were going to raise him to be a man of compassion, empathy, conviction, loyalty and honor.

Did Johnny have demons he had to battle throughout his 50 years here on this earth? Hell yes.

And who amongst us, sitting in this room today hasn’t battled demons, from the moment we realized this world, at times, can be a cruel and cold place, for reasons outside of our control? 

But today isn’t about that...

Today is about the fact that Johnny lived his life completely encompassed in love. Walking the earth with a heart so big, he sometimes didn’t know where to direct all his love, or even how to control it.

I can tell you in his early years, if you look at the pictures on the slide show, that he showered his family with unconditional love.

I can tell you that in so many of the pictures I’ve been looking at over the last few days, that his smile is infectious. It’s ever-present, it never leaves his face, even when we all know he had an underlying pain he was dealing with throughout life... 

It’s as if he believed his jokes, his smile, and his laughter, would erase any and all pain he had. While at the same time erasing the pain of anyone and everyone around him.

And guess what, that shit worked a lot. It worked more times than not. 

And that’s why I don’t want to cry all day today. I will cry, when the pain becomes too great. But I’ll also laugh and smile as Johnny would’ve wanted us all to do...

So, we’re talking about Johnny. And we’re talking about love…

So, who do we need to speak about next?

His partner of almost 33 years. Michelle... 

Johnny and Mickey met on August 1, 1986. She told me it’s hard to put into words why she fell so deeply in love with him.

But she recalls when she first saw him at a party, she was like, “Wow, he’s so fine…”

Mickey made it a point to say, “Fine,” was a 1986 term most of you young bucks might not remember. It means gorgeous, hot, cute, adorable... Basically Johnny was litty two titty... 

When Mick found out that a mutual friend, Myrna, knew Johnny, she asked her to introduce them…

They started talking, and one day Johnny walked her home...

And if any of you know what taking that long ass walk up suicide hill was like; you’d know immediately Johnny must’ve really thought Mickey was just as fine…

Cause all the guys in here who grew up in Kingsbridge, will attest to the fact, that we did not, I repeat we did not, walk girls up that damn hill unless they were worth it…

Anyway, during that first walk home, Mickey gets the courage to tell Johnny how “fine” he was.

She told him she was attracted to him and she wanted to see if this “thing” could go somewhere.

Mickey shared with me that when they got to the top of that God forsaken hill, Johnny gave her the most amazing, most beautiful spearmint flavored kiss she’d ever experienced.

And the story of Johnny & Michelle was born. She fell in love with him at that very moment. She never looked back. She never questioned her heart... For her it was unexplained, but it was just right... No words needed! 

For me personally, hearing a story like this, tells me, this was more than just love. It was more like, “I’ve known you in another lifetime kind of love.” It was more of a, “No matter how hard life may become along the way, I’m going to have your back, and I need you to have mine…”

It’s the love only soulmates share.

There’s a saying by Emery Allen, which reads, “I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything. Maybe we’re from the same star…”

In my heart, and the hearts of most in this room. We all know that Johnny and Mickey certainly came from the same star.

And I promise you Mickey, when it’s your turn to transition back to that star. Your soulmate Johnny will be right there waiting for you with open arms, with his warmth, his love, his familiarity and most importantly with his spearmint flavored kisses.

We all know there’s good and bad in every relationship, right?

But again, we’re here today to focus on the good.

And for Mickey, the good was Johnny’s heart, the fact that he could always make her laugh. The fact that he was thoughtful, nice, loving and that she could never get enough of him. Even after 32 plus years, she could simply never get enough of this big hearted man. A man we’re all sitting here honoring for that very same reason…  His heart.

Johnny taught me a lot in life. But he never taught me how to ensure a woman could never get enough of me. Shit, my last wife had gotten so much of me she stabbed me four times to get rid of me... So, I’m a little upset with you Cuz. You should’ve taught me how to keep em’ wanting me... Not wanting to get rid of my ass… Regardless, I forgive you for that one.  

Michelle, I don’t think anyone in this room can love or appreciate you more for loving Johnny as you did! We all thank you for loving him so unconditionally, so unapologetically, so wholly and so perfectly, like only his true soulmate could have.

I know from what you’ve written to me and our conversations that you feel robbed right now. That you feel cheated, out of the time you still feel owed, to have shared so many more memories on this earth with Johnny. And if anyone deserved that wish to be granted it would be you.

I wish I had answers for you on why God chose to take Johnny at this time. But remember, he’s a soldier. In life. And now he’s a soldier in the afterlife.

I have no doubts, as he makes this peaceful transition that he’ll be pushing every other angel out of the way to stand right behind God. In true Johnny fashion he’ll say, “God listen. I don’t have time to stand behind all these other soldiers and angels you have up here. I’m built for this. So, if you don’t mind, I’m just going to stand right here next to you and fight whatever evil we need to fight together…”

I’d like to repeat to you Mickey, that this is not the end. It’s the beginning of his transition back to that star.

That same star you both emerged from, as light and energy, before you ever met here on earth in the physical form. And I promise you that your soulmate Johnny, will be right there waiting for you, with open arms, with his warmth, his love, his familiarity and most importantly with his spearmint flavored kisses.

To the rest of my family here today. Please know the same is true for all of us. Johnny will be right there, with big golden wings on, which he may or may not have earned just yet. Waiting for all of us, when we’re called on to enter the next phase of our journey.

With all of that said, I’d like to share a few of my memories, that I have with Johnny. So that those who don’t know what he meant to me, can understand that our relationship was just as special as his relationship with everyone in this room.

He loved us all the same. Even when he might’ve been a little upset with us at times. His love still managed to shine through it all.

So, Johnny taught me how to drive stick shift in his RX7. I think I was about 16. After about a 30 minutes lesson in Hunts Point, he gave me the keys to go to Fordham Rd, with one of my little Kingsbridge girlfriends.

After spending like an hour on Fordham, I had to call him because I couldn’t figure out how to turn the car back on. Something about holding down the clutch, break, whatever, whatever, at the same time. Stick is still confusing to me. I didn’t get that gift from Herman or Johnny…

Next, he gave me the keys to his Cutlass. I think it was white, had a system and rims. And I took a ride with one of my first true loves (another Kingsbridge girl) up to Riverdale. I never told Johnny, I ended up driving his car down the wrong side of the street… I smoked a little too much weed that night. And yes, I inhaled. Thank God I didn’t crash his prized possession…Not sure he would’ve forgiven me.

Another thing I think everyone in here can attest to, besides Johnny having a heart of gold, was, DO NOT COMPLIMENT JOHNNY ON ANYTHING FOR ANY REASON…

Do you all know why?

It wasn’t that he didn’t like compliments. It was that if I complimented Johnny, on anything. anything, anything, anything, and I do mean anything he’d want you to have it…

If I said, “Yo Cuz, I love that sweater,” He’d take the shit off and give it to me.” “Yo Cuz, I love that Yankee fitted hat,” Same thing, he’d take it off and give it to me.

“Yo Cuz, the sound system in your car is ridiculous…” And what do you think he did?

Yep, he took my purple Jeep Wrangler, and came back a few hours later with it. He’d taken the entire system out of his own car and put it in my Jeep.

His response, “Yo Cuz, we can’t go to the PR parade with a Jeep and no system…”

Poor Mickey. She probably went to get in the car to drive to work that Monday morning, put a CD in, and ended up watching the CD drop into a hole into the dashboard…

I’m sorry Mick…

Johnny also taught me how to take a punch. Herman did, my brother Will did, Big Rich did, they all did… To this day, you can hit me with a baseball bat and I’ll just look at you like, “Was that supposed to hurt?”

So, we all worked down on 42 Broadway, printing stock exchange reports. Big Rich thought it would be funny to write in the girl’s bathroom, “For a good time call Johnny…” And Richie wrote Johnny’s real beeper number on the message…”

Later that morning, some girls from another office come into our work area and say, “Hey Johnny we’re gonna call you later Papi…”

And when he found out why they were saying that, he was not very happy… He didn’t think that shit was funny…

Since I was always the one running around writing graffiti on everything. Big Richie got me punched in the eye that day, real hard. But almost as soon as Johnny saw my eye grow to the size of a golf ball, he hugged me and told me he loved me. And I loved him too. So, it was what it was. I just walked around for a week telling people I got jumped… Followed up by, “But you should see the other guy…”  

We learned a valuable lesson that day. 1. You can’t fight at work, even if it’s with family. And 2. You can’t tell the boss, “Go fuck yourself, mind your business, this is family business…” Because that might get you fired.

I took the blame for a long time for Johnny losing that job. But I’m here to set the record straight, “Richie, that ones on you my brother…”

There as another time, I was on Creston Ave, and Johnny picks me up in the most beautiful, light blue, 4 door Toyota Camry, with rims and a system.

We drove back to the block and met up with a fleet of cars. Spent the night driving all around the city. Herman was in a Toyota 1.8, I think, blasting Keith Sweat. Me and Johnny were blasting Al B. Sure… These tough guys from C.Y.C (Crazy Young Criminals), blasting slow jams, and tearing up the highways of NY, with like 5 or 6 cars with the hazard lights on so we wouldn’t lose each other in the nighttime traffic.

I remember complimenting Johnny over and over about how proud I was of him for getting such a nice car.

I complimented him hard on that car. Hoping he’d give me the keys.

Long story short, at one point the cops were onto our fleet of cars, trying to find out what the hell we were doing in Manhattan, driving around like lunatics.

Johnny turns to me and says, “Yo Cuz, if they pull us over ruuuuuuuuuuun…”

“Run, for what,” I said, mad confused.

“Nigga you know this car ain’t mine…”

It still makes me laugh to this day. That I’d been complimenting him all night on a car he “borrowed…”

Cause everyone in here knows, we never really stole anything. We “borrowed,” a lot of shit. But we almost always gave it back when we were done with it. Or at least left it somewhere to be found.

I seriously thought a screw driver was a key to a car, until I was like 18 years old.

Again, we NEVER stole anything. We just borrowed things along the way…

I don’t want to mention any names of the guys involved in us “borrowing,” cars all over the Bronx. But you all know who you are. My brother Will, Frankie, Herman, Joey, Big Rich, and a bunch of the other guys from the neighborhood.

Kingsbridge was our playground. And we played a lot.

And Johnny, my sweet Cousin Johnny… Man, did he live his life his way.

There are 8 million stories in NYC. And Johnny lived through about 7,999,999 of em. So, I’m only going to share one more with you that happened outside of the City.

In order for you to all understand that Johnny did leave the block once or twice in his life.  

Johnny comes to visit me in Virginia Beach with Mickey. I get my boy Joe Q to take us out on his boat. Johnny wants to swim, and my boy tells him it’s not a good idea. There’s mad Jelly Fish in the water. What do you all think Johnny did?

Yep, he stripped down to his underwear, he dove off the back of the boat, and the second he hit the water, I heard him screaming for his life…

As many times as Herman and Johnny saved my life throughout the years. I wasn’t going in the water. So, I just rooted him on while laughing uncontrollably. “Johnny, swim for your life, swim faster, swim faster… Hurry up…”

By the time he got back on the boat, he had Jelly fish stings everywhere. We cracked a beer and laughed our asses off. On the drive back to the house, he said, “Yo Cuz, I love you, but I gotta get back to the block tonight…”

I was confused, hurt, angry… He was only in Virginia Beach for a few hours and he was leaving. He called Mickey and told her to be ready. Ran into the house, changed and hit the road, right back to the block. To his home. To his place of comfort.  

It seems like Johnny was always afraid he was going to miss something in the neighborhood. And we had to understand that about him, and we had to love that about him.

If there’s anything we all need to leave here with today. It’s this……… For all the demons he fought in this lifetime. Understand this man’s heart was straight gold.

Whether him and Big Smooth were behind PS122, buying out the entire ice cream truck, to give all the kids in the neighborhood a treat. Whether he was giving his last five bucks to a homeless person, or anyone in need. Whether he was taking the shirt off his back just because you made the mistake of saying you liked it.

Johnny’s heart was pure fucking gold… The purest of the pure… Puro!  

When he talked about Alyssa and Tristan his eyes lit up. When he spoke of his grand kids, his eyes lit up. When he spoke about Mickey, his eyes welled up with tears sometimes. Knowing he’d made mistakes, that he could never make up for. But his eyes equally lit up with love, knowing he’d found his one person in this lifetime, who he’d also met in his last lifetime, and who he will meet again in the next.

When he spoke about Mommy, Pops, Herman, Val and everyone else in his family. It was always love. Even when there were tough times, arguments, disagreements, fights. He was always going to lead us all right back to a place of love… Because that was his heart.

He did that today. For many of us. Led us right back here. To each other… To love!

Whether he was putting on a devil mask, to scare the shit out of Herman, and make him run from the showing screaming butt naked. Or putting some nasty shit in your sandwich when you weren’t looking, or doing anything silly to make his family and friends laugh… That was Johnny. That was Johnny. That was Johnny…

I was thinking about him the other night. And for some stranger reason this movie-like vision popped into my head. I could hear him arguing with whoever gives out wings to the angels when they first arrive in Heaven.

Johnny was literally arguing with the Angel. Telling him or her that he didn’t want the little baby wings, the wings all the newbies get. He didn’t even want the medium sized wings, which the angels who have put in work get. He wanted the big joints. He saw them. He saw that they were large, golden, powerful and beautiful. And he knew he deserved them, so he argued with the angel in charge, to at least let him try them on.

“Come on son, let me try em’ on… Just for fun…”  

But in true Johnny fashion, he wasn’t giving them shits back. He just walked away with the big boy wings and bounced back to the Astral Plane.

He did not steal them, my people… He just borrowed em’… And guess what, they belong to him… He earned em’ in life, and he’ll earn them as he moves on into the next phase of his spirits existence.

For those of you who have never heard of the Astral Plane, Google it. It’s basically, “The world of the celestial spheres, crossed by the soul in its astral body on the way to being born and after death. And is generally believed to be populated by angels, spirits or other immaterial beings…”

This isn’t to disrespect any religion here. But this is more about spirituality. The greatest minds to ever walk the earth, Steve Hawking’s, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Einstein, Tesla, they all believed in the Astral Plane. And that’s why I’ve studied it. And that’s why I believe in it…  

What it means is, our spirits use this place as a meeting space, before we’re given life, and after we’ve moved on in the physical form. It means, our journey never ends.

And for most of the people in this room. I think you can understand that Johnny has only moved on, in the physical form, but his spirit is everywhere. Everywhere that he needs to be right now. That’s where he is.  

He’s with his grand baby Geanna, talking to her at night, letting her know he’s OK. And trying his best to bring her comfort. He probably keeps asking for soda, that’s why she’s leaving some out for him at night.

He’s with Mommy when she needs him most. With Pops, with Mickey, Herman, Val, Tabby, Alyssa, Tristan and Gemma.

Please believe me when I tell you… He’s with us all…

He’s already sent messages. He’s already let us know he’s sorry. Sorry for what exactly, those who need to know, know. The rest of us can assume, perhaps he’s sorry we’re here in pain. Or sorry he didn’t go to the doctor a little sooner, or sorry that he’s not here in the physical, any longer, to help comfort us.

Regardless of what it is he’s sorry about, in true Johnny fashion. He wanted us all to know that he is sorry for some things. This will allow him to find his peace. The peace he needs to transition on, and play his new role, as an angel, to the best of his abilities…

When you feel alone, just speak to him. He hears you. He hears us all right now, in this very moment. He’s here with us. And he is finding peace in the fact that he brought us all back together… Because that’s who he was. And that’s who he is!

I want to thank my Uncle Herman and Titi Vilma, for raising him with that amazing heart. And for passing that heart on too many of us, even myself, in many aspects of my life.  

I tell people a story all the time. If Titi Vilma had 4 pork chops, and 12 guys from the neighborhood upstairs hungry, she’d cut those pork chops into 12 pieces, so that everyone could eat.

If we all needed a place to sleep, it was about grabbing a pillow, a sheet, a blanket, use your coat as a pillow, find a corner in her living room, or one of the bedrooms, and rest your weary head down…

No one was every excluded from being a part of the family. If you came with love and respect, you were treated with love and respect in their home. And many times, that became home to so many of us, throughout our journey in life.  

I’m sorry I haven’t said this enough, “But thank you for giving me the courage to live my life to its fullest potential…” Never scared that if I had to stick up for myself in corporate America, especially in the beginning of my career. That if I lost my job and ended up homeless, I could find that corner in your living room to rest my weary head.

Thank you, Big Rich, Herman, Johnny, my brother Will, and many of the guys from the old neighborhood, for allowing me to write 100 checks my ass couldn’t cash.

And by that, I mean, when 20 guys surrounded me, I’d just say C.Y.C. I’d say Herman and Johnny are my blood. I’d say wait until my cousins, and their crew get their hands on your mother fuckers… And they’d part like the red sea...

Forever my protectors. My brothers. My everything.

I just want to leave you guys with this…

Johnny was something to everyone. But to some… Johnny was everything. Everything to everyone… Especially in their time of need.  

Let’s wish him a peaceful transition. And let’s find peace in our hearts knowing we’ll all be back together again with Johnny, someday soon… When it’s our time.  

And in the next lifetime, in the next universe, on the next star. Let’s get it more right than wrong… Let’s share more love than pain. Let’s all follow Johnny up to the window and ask for the big wings… The big ass golden angel wings, which we all work daily to earn, when it’s our time to do God’s work.  

I love you all. I love you Johnny. Until we meet again Cuzo… I will walk in your shadow forever… We all will…

Sleep now Cuz… And be at Peace knowing how loved you are!

 -          Ivan Sanchez