#..........th... thats a lot to unpack...

[demento-mori]

Good Lord.

[princessbrunette]

when did you know you loved me? pt.4/4 ♡

it was rare bunny!reader and rafe got a day off like this. one where the kook princess’s boyfriend wasn’t running off on business, dragging her along or leaving her to run her own personal errands — like getting her nails done or shopping. today, the two of them relaxed on rafe’s boat in the hazy june sunshine. bunny stares off over the water, pondering..

you’re snapped from your thoughts when rafe arrives at your side, giving your ass a little swat and grab the way he always did as you looked over the ledge across the water.

“you good, kid?” he enquires casually as his hand slides up your back to grasp your shoulder, hooking his sunglasses back into his shirt.

“mhm, just thinking.” you muse, leaning into his side a little. you always went a bit brainless around rafe — it was second nature. he did the thinking, it was his job as a provider — well, that’s what he’d tell you anyway, and he’d drilled it into your head enough times for you to remember it.

“m’yeah? thinking about what?” he converses. he’d always get worried when you looked a little too pensive. rafe was an overthinker like that, the nagging voice in the back of his head telling him not to let you think too hard, because you’d uncover all his flaws and leave him. though you knew that could never be the case, rafe had some unpacked abandonment issues that often sat at the surface.

“us.” you hum simply, and his hand slides off your shoulder.

“well what — what are… why?” he struggles his word his concern, a frown forming between his brows.

“jus’ that i love you a lot, and i was thinking about how much i love you.” you shrug, not taking in the edge in his concerned tone. he relaxes a little, nodding though you weren’t looking his way as he draws in a long breath.

“right, yeah… yeah.” he plays it cool, scratching at his cheek before stepping away in the direction of the mini bar, deciding he needed a drink to take the edge off. “well, daddy loves you too, yeah?”

the casual assurance in his tone makes you bite your lip, gaze snapping over to him as he wanders away — and you speak once more, only wanting to prolong the time spent by his side.

“when did you know that you loved me rafey?” it’s a demure request, spoken hopefully through pouty lips and batting lash extensions. he spins around, blinking at you a few times before shrugging his shoulder.

“look, uh — i don’t know. i just did, alright?” he turns his mouth down like he hadn’t given it any thought and your face falls. you forget rafe wasn’t like you. he was a man of logic. fact over feelings (thats what he’d tell people, anyway.) he didn’t have time to ponder such things.

“oh.” you whisper, nodding your head. it wasn’t a big deal. you just wished he would gush over you the way you did him sometimes. he licks his lips, hesitance in his body language when he turns away once more this time, wishing he never saw that disappointment on your face at the way he brushed you off. he was still trying to get used to the whole being open with your feelings thing. his father hadn’t exactly lead by great example.

he cracks open a beer, and five minutes later he’s lounging on the white couch out on the deck, an arm strewn along the back of the seat and the other holding the bottle, reaching out towards you to gesture you over to him.

“come sit with me, dunno why you’re so far away.” he welcomes you, and you quietly pad over in your pink bikini, never once shying away from the unabashed way he watches your body move towards him. “mm. looking good.” he comments quietly before you’re climbing onto the couch and snuggling up to his side. there was no ‘thanks daddy’ or glossy kisses being pressed into him like usual, you were pensive, distant, thoughtful. he knew he’d brushed you off and you were trying so hard to seem like it hadn’t phased you, bless your little bunny heart. after a sigh, the kook begins to speak.

“it was after the whole thing with me getting arrested. you know the… the thing with the sheriff.” he relays, staring ahead over at the water even when you turned your head to gaze at him, blinking slowly in relaxed confusion as to what he was talking about.

“i…i wanted people to respect me, you know? like- like i had proven that i was willing to do anything to protect the people i care about. anything. enough to get me sent to fuckin’ jail, right?” he rambles, before shaking his head with his tongue in his cheek, thinking. you stay quiet, curious as to where this was going. you wanted to give him space to open up.

“but like…ahh, i don’t know. when i got out, people…people didn’t wanna hang with me anymore. i used to be that guy, right like — like everyone wanted to talk to the rafe cameron but after i got bailed out i… people were scared of me. thought i was some… violent, unhinged creature like… like i was some killer.” he squints, shaking his head in disagreement.

a few moments pass as he gathers his thoughts, before he speaks once more, this time glancing at you.

“so a little while after that i was down at the club, you know just… just tryna socialise again, blow off some steam. shit, i even told everyone that beers were on me, you know? free for everyone at the club. went back to go get my golf club, came back n’everyone had left. clearly they still saw me as some kinda monster.”

whilst you was unclear on why he was telling the story, you remembered clearly this time how hard it was for rafe to drag himself back up. he wouldn’t talk about how hard things were, and sure — eventually things had blown over and he was the life of every party once more, but you remembered the shift in atmosphere clearly. it was strange.

“uh…” he clears his throat. “so yeah i uh, i come back and you’re there, right? you’re just sat there by your self at the table… and shit you… you just looked so happy to see me,” he chuckles, shaking his head fondly at the memory. “like, i had left for two damn minutes and you were still happy to see me. you didn’t even — even care that everyone else had left… and that’s real ride or die shit, okay like — someone… someone who’s not gonna just up and leave you when shit gets tough like sarah did with my dad. nah, nah you stuck around. s’when i knew i wanted to put a fuckin’ rock on that little finger.” he takes your hand suddenly, holding it between the two of you like he’s envisioning the ring on your second to last finger, taking a moment to indulge in the fantasy.

you’re grinning ear to ear, understanding the significance of the story now as you flutter your eyelashes.

“rafey…” you coo softly and he shrugs, his wall fighting to come back up.

“yeah, well. you wanted your story, there’s your story.” he brushes it off casually, but even his lips curl up a little into a fulfilled smirk, catching your gaze with an unspoken awe.

“guess what, i loved you the second i saw you so i win.” you giggle and he rolls his eyes, pulling you into his chest.

“yeah? shit i didn’t know it was a competition.” he banters lightheartedly over your giggles, his cold heart thawing at the sound.

[borom1r]

1-25 choose violence ask game ❤️

ALL OF THEM?????? you’re so real for this ty snfnsnbfns. doing LotR bc of course I am

1. the character everyone gets wrong

PIPPIN I HATE TO SAY IT BUT PIPPIN. all those incorrect quote polls that have been posted where pippin keeps fucking winning YALL REALIZE HES AN ACTUAL CHARACTER RIGHT?? with like depth?? and bonds?? and a personality. yall realize that right?????? right??? ik we all love 2 joke but he would not say half of those things

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

ok I personally enjoy both for Boromir BUT if he IS topping. he is a service top. I will die on this hill

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

I block ppl for these takes so no screenshots but everyone who thinks Boromir is a villain. if you think Boromir is a villain I will key your car.

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

there is one singular straw and it is bad Boromir takes in the Boromir tag

5. worst discord server and why

I don’t join fandom discord servers bc I love myself too much for that 💗

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

ummm idk? most of my lotr mutuals have different ships from me and it’s all chill. but tbf I’m very selective abt who I interact with now lmao.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

no one yet thank fuck.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Aragorn/Arwen isn’t actually romantic sorry I think it’s fucked up actually. the vibes are off there for SURE

9. worst part of canon

FARAMIR’S “yeah I’m gonna take you from your home and tame you. haha wdym. you don’t need a blade during times of peace.” SHTICK WITH ÉOWYN IN THE BOOKS. UNPACK YOUR BIASES YOU LITTLE FREAK!!!!!!!!

10. worst part of fanon

HM. I will stick with “people who horrifically misinterpret Boromir’s character”

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

at the moment I only have rings of power blocked but I’ve had that blocked since it came out bc if I look at the armor in that show I will commit crimes.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

MOVIE!FARAMIR MY SPECIALEST LITTLE GUY OOOOOOOOOO MOVIE!FARAMIR I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU he’s so handsome and special and I love him and you WILL all look at him and clap and cheer. it makes me insane that his temptation by the ring mirror’s Boromir’s and he’s actually fucking normal abt the Rohirrim AND I just love him very much :)

13. worst blorboficiation

ummm idk… maybe Frodo

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

HMMM exposing myself but I basically only read Aragorn/Boromir fics lmao + since we’re Choosing Violence the most annoying thing is Boromir just being A Brute. like damn I love the surface level reading of the text maybe try engaging with it above a 1st grade analysis next time 💗

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

hmmmmm idk cuz again I don’t interact w a lot of fanartists so there’s nothing like. annoying. all th ✨motifs✨ I do see r very fun + I like them :)

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

ummm for Serious, portraying Pippin as Stupid. for Silly, uhhhh Trans Faramir is so real to me I completely forgot cis people both 1) exist in the real world and 2) probably interpret Fara as cis too. i don’t get it :(

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

trans Faramir 🩵💗🤍

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

HM idk. trans Faramir again. also bc I love it, utilizing Old Norse culture for the Rohirrim teehee

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

OK IM MAD THAT FINNISH BOROMIR IS JUST ME. THATS ME. THATS AN OUTFIT I WEAR REGULARLY MINUS THE LONG HAIR. I DRESS LIKE THAT TO BUY GROCERIES. i love him for that tho. I’m also mad that MtG Boromir’s stupid pointy muttonchops have grown on me. freak behavior, keeping his facial hair trimmed in those stupid little points

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

I’m fighting for my life reading the histories rn 😑 I find them very dry for the most part

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

idk? I think there is an appropriate level of hype. but idk if Rings of Power had a lot of hype. if it did, then Rings of Power is my answer

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

idk if it’s IGNORED necessarily but the fact that Boromir carries a Rohirric shield in the films does actually genuinely make me insane 💞 I love that sm

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

UNWILLINGLY?????? idk?? ummmm I think it’s all fine for the most part I’m just A Fag so I don’t write het ships. it’s like a moral thing. Éowyn/Faramir gets a pass conceptually bc they’re T4T to me tho

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

idkkkkkkk I don’t engage w discourse bc I want this fandom to remain pleasanttttt

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

again idk.. I block on sight if I see a Bad Take + then I erase it from my memory so I can continue to live in a beautiful blissful world where I. forgor abt cis people ☺️

[heartsoulspiritelite]

Hook x Jungle boy

Warnings: Smut (blowjob and shi) idk its not very good but i should prob warn yall :0

Summary-

Hook was confused as hell. His bestfrie- no, former tag partner just left him. Just like that their history is all gone. Their friendship is ruined. What. the. actual. fuck. And to top it all off he lost his title. The only thing that proved he was something even though the stupid belt was worthless. Hook went to confront the man and lets just say their friends again ;) hehe

Why can you just tell me the truth?

~

Hook was confused as hell. His bestfrie- no, former tag partner just left him. Just like that their history is all gone. Their friendship is ruined. What. the. actual. fuck. He told Jack things, things he had never told anyone. He trusted Perry with a lot of things . He knew he shouldn't have opened up. This shit always happens to him, he can never catch a break.

and to top it all off he lost his title. The only thing that proved he was something even though the stupid belt was worthless. He always  carried around his dad's history, his legacy and now all of a sudden the title is Jacks. Jack never ever took an interest in the belt so why the hell would he want it?

Hook wasn't scheduled for rampage or dynamite. So like anyone would obviously do he was going to stay home and sulk. Until he thought of Jack flaunting HIS title around acting like the baddest bitch in the place. That wasn't going to slide with Hook so of course he showed up anyways.

Walking into the building sucked. All the sympathy stares, he ignored all the looks and went to find Jungle b- Jack Perrys locker room. All he wants is answers. He is not letting Jack run from this. He deserves a god damn explanation.

Mid way to his journey to the locker room he saw a vending machine selling all kinds of chips so he took short stop and stuffed the two bags of chips into his hoodie pocket for later there and continued his journey.

He found his targets lockeroom and busted the door open.

Jack turned around from unpacking things looking surprised.

"What the fu-" Jack started

"Shut up Jack you dont get to talk like that. The only words you can say to me are the words explaining what the fuck is going on" He slightly yelled

Jack froze slightly when he realized Hook was blocking the exit so he couldnt leave.

"i dont owe you shit. I never wanted to be your friend. Now fucking move before i punch you."

"Oh im so scared Jack. Why cant you just tell me the truth. Ive told you things. Now your gonna blackmail me and act like we weren't friends? Was it a lie the whole time?. you were my only friend- my bestfriend." His voice nearly cracking and faultering at the end of his sentance

"I trusted you Jack! You know i have troubles doing that. Why the hell do even want that belt you could've just asked me" He continued, his voice getting stronger

"Listen could you just move so i can leave" Jack pleaded

Hook glared at him and kept staring him in the eye until Jack gave up and all the fight left his body

He saw Jack look at his lips then looked him up and down while his eyes started watering while backed up to sit on the bench behind him.

Hook froze once realized.. It was never about the belt...

"Listen im sorry okay.. please stop" Jack whispered desperately staring Hook in the eyes

Hook slowly walked over until he was infront of Jack, Towering over him he whispered

"Thats what this is all about?"

He should've known all the lingering touches and stares. He felt the same about the other man but he would never dare to open his mouth and say anything.

Jacks eyes widened and he quickly looked away avoiding Hook's eyes.

"No" He denied still avoiding Hook's stare

He was getting really nervous, Hook could tell.

Hook bent down lightly and grabbed Jack's chin forcing the man to look up at him and kissed him.

Jack was shocked but quickly kissed back grabbing at Hook's hair.

Hook fell into Jack's lap and straddled him. They continued to make out until Jack started kissing the younger mans neck while he grinded down on his lap making both men moan.

The older man lifted hook up carried him to the wall and pinned him against it making Hook gasp.

"Always had a feeling you secretly a bottom" He whispered in his eye mockingly

"Shut up" He whined slightly while blushing

They started to make out again while touching each others bodies all over desperately making up for all the missed time. They removed eachothers shirt/hoodie and threw them to god knows where.

Jack started kissing down Hooks torso until he reached the top of his pants smirking at the outline of his hardened cock. He looked up for permission while dropping down onto his knees. Seeing Hook all blissed out made his own cock harden even more. The man above him nodded and started whining when Jack was taking too long.

"Please.. Jack Please.. i've waited so long" He practically begged while his hips jerked foward involantarily.

"Okay, okay" He chuckled

He slowly removed his pants until the reached his ankles then he brought his hand up and started palming Hooks clothed covered cock.

"You like that darling?"

Hook nodded fast

He removed his hand from his Hooks dick and looked up at him.

"Words, love"

"Yes. I love it. Fuck- yes please Jack keep going" He yelled frusterated while grabbing at Jack's hair

Jack quickly pulled down Hook's underwear making the man hiss slightly.

He rubbed his hand up and down his dick a couple times before he licked a line down from the top off his balls to his tip making the man above him whimper and shiver.

He took his dick into his mouth and licked around it and swallowed him down.

He then hollowed out his mouth and started bobbing his head while staring up at him making Hook a complete mess. Moaning and gasping, making his cock harden more by the second.

"Jack oh my god" Hook Cried

Hook grabbed at Jacks at head and started pushing him down forcibly making Jack choke slightly.

Jack grabbed at his ass and squeezed his and kneaded it, lightly smacking it, making Hook blush more which almost seemed impossible.

Hook was coming closer to his release, Jack could tell and started bobbing his head faster down half his dick while jerking off the other half at the same pace.

Hook practically screamed out in pleasure and came down jacks throat.

Jack swallowed down every drop and pulled off shocked, not because of Hook coming down his throat. He's just shocked because of the reactions he got from the man.

Hook got shy all of sudden and wouldn't meet Jack's eyes once he rose back onto his feet.

"All shy now huh?"

"i-i" He was speechless so he did the only thing that seemed right in the moment and flipped them around and pulled Jacks pants and underwear down releasing his worked up dick causing jack to moan.

He started sucking on Jack's dick immediately grasping at his ass.

jack didn't last long since he was so worked up. Hook pulled off before Jack came and finished jerking him off so he would come all over his face making Jack look down at him shocked while becoming more flushed by the second.

both were breathing heavy just staring at one another until Hook rose onto his feet and wiped the cum of of his face and put into his mouth and sucked on his finger, while staring into jack's eyes.

Once he finished all he could do was hug the naked man. They squeezed each other hard and trembled.

"What do we do now?" Hook whispered

"I dont know but im so sorry for hurting you i just didn't know what else to do" He apolagized

"Its alright, dont worry"

Both men got into the shower and then got dressed, When they arrived at Jack's hotel the two of them cuddled each other until the next morning when they could talk about where they stand with one another, But for now the two are just gonna sleep all their worries away knowing that they have each other again.

~Cross-posted on wattpad & ao3~

[codeform]

I just saw your posts about gender for that Clu person, and based on their responses, I think this is someone who is dealing with a lot of uncertainty and they were hoping for a certain answer for their question. Maybe not a permanent one, but a springboard or starting point. They are probably looking for a starting point that's a little more specific than 'whatever u want' because I think they might've said (or suggested) they aren't sure what they want.

Your answers are correct, of course, but speaking from personal experience on other topics, it can be frustrating asking for a simple yet specific answer (in this case, that would be an answer like 'cis male' or 'transfem') and getting only broad generalities. Might I suggest supplying them with some terms that seem to be a pretty close fit to what they described? You wouldn't be labeling them, you'd just be giving them some things to Google so they can see if it fits them. A place to start their gender identity journey from (because some people do feel more secure when they have that 'label' and this person might be one of those. And that's completely okay if they need that.)

Hope this helps you and them!

i Absolutely agree w u anon! but (and i am speaking as sm1 whose early exploration was almost entirely based off of discussions w highschool friends— all 2nd hand information. which is its own can of worms hsdfjkjs) i do think its important to like. do that initial footwork yourself?

bc (n im glad u agree!) there is just no neat answer!! esp not w nonbinary genders!! I (a man who has a very weird gender itself) am still constantly learning!! and i did edit one of my rbs but idk if Hal saw, but i think a very good place to start is less "what is upsetting me abt my gender" but rather "what is making me happy" — this is just generally a less painful jumping-off point too, bc its usually easier to work through when you're confused (its a lot to unpack upset/pain/confusion at the SAME TIME!!! not fun)

i will stick by honestly wikipedia as a genuinely useful surface level resource. install shinigami eyes so u dont wind up on transphobic sites and it has a solid rundown of both your "basic" terms and the history of the community, especially bc it is very hard if impossible to get an answer when youre asking sm1 else "heres what i feel now what am i." skhsdhf

and no hate!!! genuinely!!! thats a very easy place to wind up in, where u just WANT a clear-cut answer from sm1 else, but like i said b4: nobody knows you better than YOU!! i think theres like. this idea that we all just Knew and the truth is no, i promise we did not. we have all googled "nonbinary definition" "demigender definition" "neopronouns definition" i went thru 2 whole entire genders b4 i settled on Man and MORE AFTER THAT before settling on Man But Weird

AND ALSO. i am open to questions!!!!!!! but i am A WEIRD DUDE W AUTISM AND I AM NOT BUILT FOR MAKING SENSE!!!!! i promise i AM trying!!! and will continue to try!!! but it is abt to be June and pride is this month and wholeheartedly go to your local pride events if you are confused!!!!!! take to queer ppl who are both prepared to answer questions AND can provide much more relevant, local(!!!) resources — and talk to queer elders!!!! meet the coolest people in the world forever!!!!

but yea to circle back 2 th point i was like. Trying to make. doing that initial footwork yrself is the easiest i think bc you know you. i promise even tho it seems daunting it WILL ultimately be less confusing than trying 2 play 2nd hand telephone even if yr playing w friends (like i did. not ideal — wasnt safe for me to research myself but still Not Ideal)

[manifesting-mari]

Morning Pages 1/29/2023

I am feeling really grateful this morning. Yesterday it got kinda dark but im happy i was able to feel those feelings in a safe space. Right now i’m listening to a frankenstein-song that Jordan’s Song teacher made from one of their projects. Im really grateful to be in thighs creative space. Im grateful to be in this space with them. I feel so creative and so motivated to create. Its like i forgot this person and jordan is reintroducing me to myself. We were talking about being able to see our own light, and i’m grateful to meet jordan because so much of our experience together has been a mirror for me. Well. every experience i have with everyone is a mirror of some sort, but with jordan there are just so many synchronicities its just really hard to ignore. I sometimes have to remind myself that the synchronicities do not mean we would have a great relationship if we were together. But i think that the way we are open to learning about ourselves and open to working on our shit is what makes a great relationship. Also our willingness to communicate honestly.

As im getting into a new relationship i am now becoming more aware of my boundaries, or the lack there of. Or even when there is a boundary in a place that no longer needs to be there. I can feel the boundaries that i had up starting to soften. As the boundaries soften it allows me to experience the pain so much more. The boundaries i had up were to prevent pain, but now that my boundary has softened i am able to feel the pain so much more. I think because i softened the boundary with my mom it hurt me a lot when she didnt believe in my. It hit a chord in me that felt true. I feel like i cant make money or that i dont deserve to. There is still something in me that says i dont deserve nice things so i dont allow myself to have the money for nice things. 

I’m still working on this money stuff. Still trying to figure out what i learned, still integrating. I think there is still more of the ballet experience that im unpacking. I discovered yesterday that i feel very unsafe accepting money from my mom. Maybe i need to just stop depending on her. It feels like if i create this boundary its me running away. But i know i need time to process what happened. Im very hurt. I wish my mom could just listen and let me process. I guess i still have to accept that my mom is just not where i’m at and i’m better off telling her half truths. I dont owe my mom the whole truth, but i feel so inauthentic when i dont. I feel the scared part of me still walking on eggshells with her. 

I hate that feeling of walking on eggshells. That codependent feeling. If i want to end codependent relationships then i need to stop being codependent with people. What is my relationship with my mom? Thats what im really trying to unravel. I feel like clancey caught in the soul bird’s string in the Midnight Gospel. There are so many narratives that i need to unravel. I wonder what would happen if i just approached my mom as another human person in this world. She is my mom, but even the word mom had narratives wrapped around what is expected in the relationship. Maybe i need to stop trying to make a better relationship with my mom and just accept where its at. Maybe i need to be hopeless, not hopeless of change for the future, but hopeless for changing the wat things are right now. Right now i am still hurt and so is my mom. And as much as i can hold space for the pain my mom has experienced, there is pain that i have attached to past experiences with her that i need to hold and tend to, because she is unable to, im really tired when people are like “you know your mom is just not equipped and blah blah” and all that. Like im still fucking pissed off. Im angry. Sure, i know all that, but im still fucking angry. This was a feeling that came up with Kate during the nourishment retreat. I logiced my way to a reasonable reason to why the adults in my life couldnt show up, but that did not address the anger i felt when the adult did not show up for me. 

Feeling this anger is an interesting experience, especially with this spooky music playing. Im so angry. I am angry. There no narrative except the feeling of anger. I wonder if i just feel the sensation. I cant feel it now. Its like the sensation on my come sup when i speak the narrative i wonder if thats what spells are. You say words and feel them in your body and that creates an energetic output that attracts things to you. The anger that I was feeling has now morphed. Angry doesnt usually stay long, it quickly goes to sadness and pain and hurt. 

Its interesting coming into my body and experiencing sensations and seeing what kind of narratives i have attached to them and what feelings come up.

Passive aggressive. I can see the times where i am like that. And the habit of wanting other people to feel my feelings. I need to ask people for their consent if they have space to hold what i’m going through. I feel like ive been better at that. I can recognize the growth i’ve made and im really proud of myself. Im still sad and grieving for the little me that didnt have parents to hold her so well. I need time to process and grieve and for some reason the people around me want to push things. I get it, that what i was like in order to gain control. Thats how my mom gains control, by shaming, guilting, and pushing. Thats how i gain control. We can choose to be different. I can choose to be different. My first step is to accept and be hopeless. Accept that i project my shame in order to gain control. In order for me not to identify it. Wow. by brain and body are very clever to try not to feel the pain of shame.

Honestly, let me shower in that shame. Let me dance in it. Let me rub it all over my body and drag it across my face like war paint. I want to be able to wear my shame and move through this world bearing it like the cross. The shame i felt growing up in the church and in a religious house hold. The shame i felt for wanting to be myself. The shame i felt for believing in magic, and ghosts, and spirits. The shame i felt for feeling my feelings. The shame i felt for touching myself. So mcuh shame. Shame for tending to myself. Shame for getting what iw anted. Shame for spending money. Lots of this shame isnt mine. I dont even know what shame is mine. 

Let me look at the shame around money. The higher me doesnt feel shame for spending money or making large amount of money or even having money. But there is a part of me that does. A part of me thats afraid of it all. A part of me that is still attaching its worth with money. Worth and money was attached growing up in the 90’s. And in my household. We were taught that you were more worthy or better if you had more money and if you were good with money. But “good with money” is subjective. The “good with money” created this disorganized attachment with money. Money was a thing we wanted, but then it would be so bad to spend it. I understand that i need to invest in my home and in my self if i want more money to come back to me ten fold.I understand this because i am not attached to money. I have no attachment to money, because i have no attachment to money i am not desperate for it so it does not cause suffering in my life. But now it is. Its like this past year i’ve experienced all forms of this disorganized attachment and i can see the ways where this still feels disorganized. I think i need to bring this into my body. But i'm not feeling it right now. May i be more aware the next time i feel activated and bring it into my body. 

Yesterday i felt the pang in my chest and immediately hung up. And the my brain went on this wild ride into the pit of despair. I wonder what my body does when im in that pit. I'd like to be aware. There's something but my wearing the shame like a badge of honor that feel kinda good. Like i wanna be able to walk around with the shame and say “Yes, i have it, yes it bothers me, but not so much as it used to. This feeling will only have as much power as i give it. But it will do what it wants to do and i get to observe until i find a healthy relationship with it.

I’m happy to be building these relationships with these different parts of myself. I wanna be able to hold my shame and unworthiness with love and strength. I see the ways where ive tried to rid myself of the shame and rid the things in other people that triggered my shame. I wanna hold my shame’s hand and show her life and say “you see. Its not that bad.” maybe my shame is my 5 year old. Ohhhhh i felt bad for wanting to be a ballerina and i felt bad that my parents didnt have enough money and i felt ashamed that i had expensive tastes. I felt ashamed to be my messy self. I shamed myself for being messy too. I wonder if ive just identified with that shame and its been my base line. I havent been feeling it so its been stuck. Its hasnt moved out of me. Its ok to feel shame and its ok to not feel shame. Both states are accept here and every part of me is welcomed.

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 14

post directory

obsetress:

obsetress: viola

em: holy shit

em: i think viola could hold a truly ridiculous number of things in her hands

em: danis like i have a little fanny pack right here- and violas like (turns up nose) absolutely not

obsetress: pre therapy viola during her relationship w dani: buys dani a birkin too, is like "here baby, so you don't have to use that fanny pack"

obsetress: dani's like "oh. i, um. like my fanny pack"

obsetress: viola therapy era after her relationship with dani: buys her a hermes fanny pack instead

obsetress: jamie rolls her eyes but dani is literally

em: i think a lot abt viola offering solutions completely unprompted n then being really offended when ppl dont take her up on it

em: pre therapy obvs

obsetress: SAME

obsetress: oh link is gross

obsetress: cost is grosser

obsetress: but viola lloyd dropping $2550 on a fanny pack for her ex gf? chefs kiss

---

obsetress: ok just remembered viola slouching or leaning or w/e n like

obsetress: brain practically applying that to exes au and imagining when and where she'd slouch n everyone's reactions to htat

obsetress: bc like she has perfect posture but when she chooses to do it it's a power move

obsetress: and i. hm

em: yeah

obsetress: viola sitting up stock straight when they first get to brunch and as soon as she's ordered her bloody mary shes pulling off her sunglasses and dropping them on the table and just sinking back

em: how to phrase this w/o sounding too much like a whore

em: actually no way to say this but like i feel v strongly abt the way we make women take up less space wrt to knees together calves touching type deal and i think maybe

em: maybe viola can manspread a bit as a treat

em: hate that term but i cant think of a better one

obsetress: nah she does n it's hot

obsetress: just had this image pre divorce of viola and arthur at marriage counseling on opp ends of the couch n arthur's sitting v tight close and vi is just

obsetress: leaning and spreading a lil

obsetress: the first time jamie sees her do it she's so taken aback

obsetress: because she's NOT expecting it

em: jamies like ah ok late in life lesbian deal and then jokes on her viola is fluent in dyke slouch

obsetress: jamie immediately trying to suss out just how long viola has been fucking women

obsetress: she says to dani later "i thought she was all proper like" and dani's like "she is" and jamie's like "so wot was that then" and dani's like "well, people are gay, jamie,"

em: ghfjhgljkJFDASJKKJFGA

em: jamies like so wait how long HAS viola been

obsetress: jamie: so you were vi's first serious girlfriend right? dani: dani: jamie: right???????

em: violas been fucking women longer than jamie has lbr

em: i mean shes clearly only 35, jamie,

obsetress: jamie: so... vi... viola: hm? jamie: you're, uh, gay, right? viola: obviously jamie: right. well dani told me you've been dating women since–– viola: since i was 15, yes jamie: but you married a man

em: violas like u went to jail everyone does stupid shit occasionally

em: jamie: so how long have you been dating women viola: since i was 15 jamie: no i meant like. in years viola raises her eyebrows and jamies just like haha nevermind fuck

obsetress: she tried!

obsetress: she tried

em: jamie on her 35th birthday pencilling 'many happy returns' into violas ????th 35th birthday card

em: yknow i think

em: i think something's afoot

obsetress: jamie, giving up on the direct approach

obsetress: slipping in next to rebecca at the wine bar

obsetress: "becca"

obsetress: "hi, jamie" "hi. how old is your girlfriend"

em: am fucking losing it thinking abt jamie like. realising how much gay energy viola has

em: like taken ABACK

obsetress: fksljfLKSDJFLJ

obsetress: just like

obsetress: why are jamies reactions to viola so funny

obsetress: montage of jamie realizing how much gay energy viola has

obsetress: jamie watching viola sitting

obsetress: jamie watching viola pick up a variety of glasses and mugs

obsetress: jamie watching viola compare hand sizes with dani, jamie's girlfriend and viola's ex girlfriend who she dated for literal years and whose hand size she definitely already knows

em: NOT THE HAND SZIES

em: they go for a walk and viola immediately complains about the sun and jamie's like

em: i have a spare hat but ur not gonna like it

em: its a snapback that says daddy or smthn in gold, owen got it for jamie for her bday, jamie Loathes it

obsetress: BYE

obsetress: viola looks better in it than jamie does

em: jamie has that

em: am i attracted to viola? moment

em: it passses

em: she has already compartmentalised the weird psychosexual power play

em: queen of compartmentalising

obsetress: jamie: had another one of those moments today dani: what moments? jamie: where i thought i might be attracted to vi dani: well, you did let her fuck you... what was it, four? times in one night, so

em: jamie; yeah but like that aside

em: jamie 'thats neither here nor there' taylor

obsetress: she is the queen of compartmentalizing tho

em: i was gonna be like. 'jamies like wait i dont remember saying four' but. i think she would tell dani

em: because the flip of that is dani callin up vi n i dont think she would necessarily

obsetress: i think she would and dani would make her anyway

obsetress: well make her is harsh but

obsetress: dani would very curiously ask in very convincing ways

em: lovingly coax it out of her

em: dani: what if i fucked you four times in o

obsetress: dani: let me do five

em: viola probably wears so many rings jamie doesn’t even clock the ever present thumb ring

obsetress: jamie just. writes it all off

em: am laughing abt like. viola v meticulously taking off every single ring and putting it in its proper location before...

obsetress: there is something. so hot about that

obsetress: im gonna scream i think

em: i was just meming and now im thinking abt it and

em: truly played myself

em: actually this is me refusing to unpack whatever the hell theo crain gloves made me feel

obsetress: sdkfmsldjfa

obsetress: fair

em: sublimate it into rings

obsetress: i just like um

obsetress: thinkin about when she and dani are together and like

obsetress: it's intentional and everything has its place but vi also makes a show out of it

obsetress: and like

obsetress: she's SO painstaking about it and definitely makes dani wait a little bit and

em: helps dani outta her big ass earrings

em: i mean dani doesnt even Need the help

em: viola meticulous lloyd

em: i mean she just wears so much goddamn jewellry

obsetress: she can tell when dani's getting impatient and goes even slower

em: viola has like

em: viola is one of thos ppl thats really into expensive watches

obsetress: !!!!!!

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: nice lil canon nod too

em: she drags dani to antique auctions n danis like i cant. actually tell the difference between the real and the forgery and violas like (passionately explains it for like 30 minutes) and dani is

em: like shes mentally checked out but also v intensely watching violas hands as she points to the parts of the watch

em: rebecca gets it tho

em: rebecca Gets It

obsetress: dani shoving vi into the bathroom at the auction house and tugging vi's hand between her legs v rebecca grabbing her own auction paddle and bidding against viola for the same watch

obsetress: (rebecca n vi fuck in the car on the ride home)

em: dani grabs a paddle n mimes spanking viola n then the auctioneer is like '$250 to 201' and danis like aw Fcuk

em: violas like i cant take u Anywhere

obsetress: dani gives her the 🥺😌and viola's immediately over it and pulling out $250

obsetress: dani: i didn't even want it, i was just–– vi: i know dani: what am i even gonna do with a–– vi: i'll sell it for $500 at a private auction next week dani: so technically i'm making you money dani, grinning: it's like i'm your employee dani: do you have any more assignments for me, boss? vi: dani get your hand out of my pocket i need to focu––

[pbandjesse]

Today felt weird. I dont even know why. I was mostly in a good mood but also I was overheated in the afternoon and I didn't feel as productive as I was hoping. But I did do a lot.

I slept okay last night. I woke up around 8 and just. Laid there for a long time. I would get up and I was in a good mood. I got washed and dressed. I felt okay. James made me a little sandwich for breakfast and I would do some work on the computer. I did not do styling today, but I had a little backlog I will attack tomorrow. I have requested to have a few more clients to keep me on my 50 per month goal. Its not much money but its something towards the budget.

I would do more organizing though. I had James help me bring everything out of the bathroom closet and I got rid of empty things like bottles and such. Thankfully we had done the big clean in there when we had that ceiling leak, so I didn't have to do a ton of work. But we have lots of room in there now.

Once that was done I did a little tidying and decided to go out into the world. James helped me bring down the baskets full of donatable stuff. I wouldn't actually drop that off today but its alright.

I had a nice drive out to Columbia but I was frustrated that there was no gas in the car. I had enough to get there and back but I knew I would have to go put gas in the car and I hate doing it. It makes me so nervous.

So I went to the thrift store first. I had a nice time walking around but I didn't actually get much. I found a few candle sticks and tey are bronze. I have had almost no luck with bronze ones so I was pretty excited. I left there and did get gas and it was fine but also I got gas on my hand somehow and thats what I'm always worried about so I was really upset about it. I washed my hands with my waterbottle and tried to not let it bother me.

I went to the shitty goodwill. It continues to be one of the worst Ive been too. Its always a mess with multiple carts of stuff blocking the aisles. There was an old man shuffling around and he was having issue getting around all the stuff on the ground. And its all so overpriced its wild. I got one candle stick there for the same price I got 4 at the second ave. I did get a very cute little flannel fleece coat, but then I had to wait in line for almost 10 minutes because the cashieer had to make a comment about every single item in the women in front of me's cart. Which was full. It was bizarre.

I was glad to be out of there.

I went next door to the staples to buy paper for printmaking. They apparently just had a flood and so they had a lot of clutter too. But the man that worked there went and got me my paper and was very sweet.

I paid and headed out. I drove across the shopping center to the homedepot. I broguth my table leg with me and gouhgt the 8 bolts I needed. I got a little overheated and confused about the registers but they were very helpful and I paid my $2.

I went to the Marshalls next. They didn't have as much cute fall stuff as I hoped but I did get James a pumpkin shirt. I got myself some conditioner for my hair. I was hungry though and went to find lunch next.

I went to the taco bell but the drive through line was literally out of th parking lot. So I googled the next cosest one and went there. I had my tacos in the parking lot. I honestly wasn't as hungy as I thought was. But I ate and then went home.

I got back here and unpacked my things. Gave James the things I got for them. It started getting hot this afternoon. So doing anything felt very hard. I would lay down for a bit. But I couldn't sleep. I just watched videos. Eventually I did get up and sorted through all my jewelry and was happy with that task. James made pasta for dinner. And I took a bath.

Now I am in bed. Ready to sleep. I am going to work hard on styling and art tomorrow. Wish me luck to have energy. I hope you all sleep good tonight. Take care of yourself!

[ayyponine]

personal on like idk body stuff

hm idk you know tfw yr like down w sex in theory but the second u realise someone is making a move in how they deliberately look at/touch you or things seem to shift into a diff mood yr like oh fuck no. thanks but sorry i need to leave like right now.

eg when someone close to me who was 1. quite a bit older and 2. into women referred to me regularly as a woman the implication of being sexually mature made me really uncomfortable like hm no im in my mid twenties but i am a Girl. do not consider me a Woman, ever, thanks

which is frustrating bc also i do care abt my appearance being good and approved by others and being like wanted bc what am i worth otherwise but then im too chicken to follow thru on anything like some malicious tease switching frm wanting to be perceived as hot to not wanting anyone to signal that they do indeed think i am appealing and try to mb pursue smth related to that impression im v clearly giving off

also i do not like the way i look but simultaneously know this is as good as it’s gonna get for me and i’m only gettting older so i should be living life and enjoying this body (on my own and by letting other ppl have some share of it, appreciating it and giving that back to me) bc its youthfulness is going to waste so my feeling of dislike is only gonna get worse w the years to come and hm idk. idk.

th elast few months ive been thinking a lot abt sugaring or other kinda objectifying things bc mb then i can at least get the validation and gain smth positive out of this body while it’s as young as it’s ever gonna be but also would that be personally empowering or just pathetically exploiting myself begging fr scraps of attention and reassurance that i am desirable without having to submit to physical contact and being Seen like that before i turn too ugly fr myself to be at least profitable and i lose all (physical) value altogether

idk if i want to call it sex repulsion bc its mostly self repulsion but ngl being the only virgin in my friend group especially at this point in life is kinda like oh fuck. whats like Wrong w me. like i can understand not having reached that Milestone due to 1. personal feelings twrds my own form since my teens and possibly before and 2. shit thats happened which has kept me preoccupied and unable to commit to getting into a relationship, opening up and all that but its also like oh my god. i dont think this is gonna improve there is so much to unpack and meanwhile i just keep aging on top of the issues thatre already firmly there

as someone w experience in teaching high schoolers i 100% wouldve told my pupils like please for the love of god WAIT - kissing and holding hands is fine rn but dont do anything sexual until yr like in yr twenties and Know more abt yrself and yr relationship with your self becase atm you are mere children experiencing and going thru a Lot. but also i had an Experienced boyfriend when i was 15 and remember another friend asking if i wanted to join her and her bf when i was like 16 or 17 and im just thinking like fuck. mb if id just not turned down some offers in my late teens/early twenties i wouldnt be so fucking uptight abt it rn and i wouldnt be so disappointed in myself wasting my golden years in many, many ways

[fireemblem3himagines]

Party Animal [College AU]

Word Count: 1,421 Words Pairing: Claude von Riegan/Reader Summary: Golden Deer House was the party animal house, but... he wasn’t really the drinking type.

A/N: Also posted here on AO3!

Claude’s head was throbbing.

The room smelled amazing, which should’ve been his first clue that he wasn’t in his own bedroom; the last thing he remembered was getting into a shot contest with Hilda, another mistake that he kept making. He wasn’t one to get drunk at parties, even if Golden Deer house was the one that threw them all the time. He disliked getting drunk because he lost all of his important senses, and he preferred to be in control of himself, able to think clearly if he were to get into a bind.

He only drank on rare occasions, and on those rare occasions, he tried to have Hilda watch over him.

He rolls out of the bed as quietly as he can, approaching the bathroom before freezing. This was not his room. He was in unknown territory now. He slowly turned, as though he might find a wild animal in bed next to him rather than another person, but he’s glad to see drunk him still had good taste. He’d seen you around before, you’d rejected joining any of the other houses and had instead started your own that had a handful of people in it, but you’d also attended the party last night. He remembered trying to work up the courage to actually hit on you, which is most likely what had led to-

Oh, fuck, did he ruin his chances with you?

He wasn’t the type to indulge in flings a lot, they could be fun but he just didn’t prefer putting in effort on things that weren’t going to last. He had been genuinely interested in you and getting to know you, and now he can’t even remember if you had a conversation last night before he’d jumped into your bed. He worries about what he might’ve said, he had a tendency to stick his foot in his mouth when he was sober, he can only imagine the word vomit that had come out when he was inebriated. What kind of idiot did he make of himself? Would you want anything to do with him after a one night stand, or would it just be awkward interactions from here on out?

Claude realizes he’s thinking too deeply about something that didn’t matter at the moment, slapping both of his cheeks before entering your small bathroom. He just really needed to wash his face and try to wash the taste of vodka out of his mouth, he hated the shit but it did get him drunk when he needed it to. When he partied, he went all in, something he wouldn’t be doing for another few weeks at least until he’d picked the rest of his dignity up from the walk of shame he’d have to make this morning.

Also, where was his shirt?

As much as he liked staring at himself shirtless, he needed to find that before he headed back to his own dorm. He’s thankful that his phone is in his back pocket, glaring at the nearly depleted battery life, before shooting off a quick text to Hilda.

[Claude – Hey, I think you’re fired from watching me when I party. Am I in my bedroom?] [Hilds – I didn’t realize you were payin me. If thats the case then theres a lot of backpay u owe me] [Claude – I’m on my way back soon. How’s the damage?] [Hilds – Not bad u kno how Annette gets when shes drunk, cleans up after everyone she was the last to leave last night]

Relieved that he at least wasn’t going back to a completely trashed house, just one of the many downsides to being the biggest house who throws all the parties on campus, he stuffed his phone back into his jeans and walked back into your room. He’s horrified to find that you’re awake.

Even with your hair disheveled and make-up from last night a little smeared, you still looked absolutely stunning, and he has to quite literally pick his jaw up off the floor before he can finally speak. You seemed amused at him staring at you,

“So, uh, last night, wild, right?”

‘You sure have a way with words, Claude.’ He thought, mentally beating himself up for not even trying to recover from the embarrassing things that had probably occurred last night.

Claude was trying to pry, you noticed that immediately; he really didn’t remember a thing did he? He’s the one who had insisted on coming back to your dorm, just to see what it looked like, judge your taste, that sort of thing (according to him). He was so drunk he could barely make it when you brought him, which you had decided was only because you didn’t want to leave him at that party. Hilda was inhibited herself, and after letting Marianne know, you’d taken Claude into your own hands; a weird kindness to do for a man you barely knew, but he was cute, and you didn’t want him to get taken advantage of.

“You sound like you want to ask me something, Claude. Just ask! I’m curious to hear what words you’re gonna use.”

“Did we- you know, last night?”

‘Another smooth word choice, casanova. You really have the ladies lining up, don’t you?’

“Are you accusing me of taking advantage of a drunk person?” You tilted your head and smiled, making his head spin. You were really beautiful. Drunk him was an idiot for being so obnoxious and just rushing straight into bed with you when he should’ve savored getting to know you first. He felt like some type of loser saying that, but he’d always had a thing for getting to know the people he liked; he thinks that’s his inner journalist speaking, wanting to get to know the deepest depths of people, but that’s an issue to unpack another day. “Don’t write about me in the school paper, Mr. Journalism major, my reputation would be ruined.”

“Well, I think I can forgive you for now.” He was definitely in the more scandalous position right now.

“Here, you kind of threw this off at 5am after we finally got to sleep.” You handed him his shirt that he had actually tossed across your room last night in his drunken stupor, probably preparing to have sex before his head hit the pillow and he immediately passed out. You did consider sleeping on the floor, but this was your bed, and you were an adult, and HE was the invader, so he could just deal with the fact you’d slept next to him that night.

“You need any aspirin? I was worried I was going to be taking you to the infirmary for alcohol poisoning.”

“No, no, you’ve done enough… thanks, and I’m sorry for anything I might’ve said or done.”

“Well, you just repeated ‘You’re so goddamn beautiful’ over and over again. You were slurring the whole sentence together in the end, but I still understood.” Another dazzling smile is sent his way and it pierces through his heart, he almost wants to go back to the dorm room and cry into Hilda’s bed about what a terrible impression he’d made. “Give me your number.”

“Yeah, I’ll just be- What? Wait. You want my number? Like my phone number?”

“I have a sarcastic comment waiting in the wings, but I need to flirt with you before you get drunk again and my advances have to be cancelled out so I can take care of you. Yes, Claude, I would like your phone number. Just in case you need me again, you know?” You held out your phone for him to take. “Just put it in, if you’re okay with it.”

“Of course I’m okay with it.”

‘Way to sound too eager, now they know you’re single and lonely- You didn’t even know you were lonely until your 5th shot last night.’

You giggled as you took your phone back and the sound made his heart leap out of his chest; oh what he’d do to be back in your bed right now, basking in the afterglow of actually fucking instead of just waking up with a hangover. Now that he has this number, however, he hopes your bed won’t become a stranger- and of course, he planned on properly introducing himself and wooing you before he reached it again.

“I’ll see you soon?”

“Very soon. We have parties every Saturday, and for taking care of the leader, you’ve gotten yourself a VIP ticket to every one of them.”

[16th-cornelia-street]

just a jumbled mess of stream of consciousness thoughts while listening to folklore: (alos heads up i don’t know any of the song names so i’m just going mostly with the lyrics that stood out to me. but it is mostly in order of the songs as they play out.)

I remember when first listening ot lover thinking how melancholy all th songs were. i don’t feel it as much anymore, it just must have been my state of mind at the time. but listening to the first two songs of folklore i’m getting that feeling again and i don’t feel its going to go away. haven’t listened to rest of this ,but hte wishing and longing for htings to go back to how they were seems like its going to be the theme of this album

song after american dynasty gave me chills. that guys voice: beautiful.

same song gives me vibe of this is last time on red, which is a good song, couple having conversation about not listening to each othe rand feeling like neithe is being heard and thngs are falling apart. its my sisters favorite song on that album wonder how she’ll feel about this one.

mirror ball song makes me think of that dress she wore to award show for lover. and remember when joe and taylor posted that wine photo i wonder if thats the day they were working together on the song peopel theorize he worked with her on.

because i like to crazy theorize what if the three love sotry is about forbidden love stories both taylor and the cowriter had not together but with other people. i’m just in writing mode so creating all kinds of wild theories.

mirror ball also gives vibes of miss americana how she just wnats to be liked and shows various aspects of herself ot be accepted and the ball showing the viewer various aspects of themselves reminds me of how the fans talk about seeing themselves in her writing, parts they didn’t know aobut or parts tehy don’t show others. how they see thsemlves in her songs so in a way she is a mirorball to her fans not just her lovers.

folksong song sounds like a first love childhood before the singer learned to what was proper and accepted how to act like a “lady” back when her love was wild adn free pacing up her dolls and swaeter (cardigan) so they could run away together and be free in teh way they wanted to be. 

sometimes its easier to talk about aspects of ourslves by putting on othe people on othe stories slipping in fiction with truth so no one knows what was real or imagined (august)

august gives me back to december vibes.

man taylors vocals this album just i’m so speeechless so many ways she’s never sung before, a new side of her and her vocals so haunting nad beaitiful and breathy its enchanting. i don’t know how to describe it.

it doesn’t have ot be an affair to feel this way to feel like the perosn you’ve broken up with is someone you’ll never find agan never feel that way agin with who created worlds with you and then tears them all apart hwne they leave you.

invisible string i take it this is from male perspective talking about a girl and not realizing at time tehy liked you back and finding connnection years later. that yes they did like you.

gold string and dive bars gives me reputation feels.

really liking all the instrumentals in teh scong calm and soothing of course becauase thats the theme but i like that taylor changes up her sound each album not alwaysa rocky or poop or coutnry, its nice ot get the narrative beauty that is taylor but have the story told in different genres, if you will

when i saw that hte album was explicit i was like taylor is going to say the f word and when she id i was not ready for it espcialy with teh full sentence i think she said of mouth-f so ya that was boht unexpected and jarring and...wow, taylor. when you decide to use that word you go all in. good for you.

madwoman seems like sequal to the man. the man’s “crazy” sister

does he beat kind of pick up at the end of madwoman, either i was getting anxiety or the beat picks up when its just the insturmentals to give it a kind fo manic feeling

ther is a lot of mention fo dead nd peopel wishing someone was dead and funeral.s are you okay taylor. i just need to chck in with you.

the song about the soldier is giving me soon you’ll get better and will probably end up being the song i skip the most like all taylors songs about her mom becuause i can’t always handle those  feels.

betty’s garden. james girl drives up in car talk abou summer i was thinking august the whole tiem that maybe this song is tied to august song liek she said three songs tie togtehr in love triangle so that confirms it so is the third song the one about running away togetehr with suitcase of dolls and sweaters?

idk why as soon as i saw taylor message about love triangles i didn’t think the usual he loves her but she loves him, i was thinking he loves her and she loves her and she loves him. like a circle but it guess th twoudln’t amek ti a triangle then. but was totally thinking forbiddne and secret love and not realizing that she actaully liked you while you wer in love with her best friend. idk. i’m a mess.

sometimes i when i listen to taylor i think her voice hasn’t changed i listen to old songs and they basically sound the same but this album you really get to see her range and a new side of her voclas and tones and its nice ot hear the old and new together working togteher to make this album. 

okay this song cardigen is giving me vibes but then thers is the laughter at the end that pervades the cardigan song so betty garden seems tied to that.

bety garden is like book when he arrived at party at end its like ia rrived at your paryt i ws like what what di she say how did she react.i need to know.

 idk i just rally like this album i know its different in a good way and its really i really like the storyteller in me is squeeling.

brittle heart seems like a mess of phrases when first impresion but listening closer but its like youre trying searhcing for he word prhase thing syou need to say finding the right words finding the right combinaton of words either your own or someone else’s to get them to listen to hear you to accept you and let you be a part of their life.

hoax started and i knew it was the last song and it jsut felt like thigs wre getting starrted and alreayd its over. i’m not ready for it to be over. play it again sam.

edit; like this wasn’t long enough, here are more jumbled notes from the second listen.

unrequited love. missed opportunities. young love. mistakes taht could never be fixed.

what happesn when you take out all the prhases that seem out of place, like kissed two girls and lost the one. later in teh story you find out about james and him doing that and it seems like a hint taht he lost betty.

be a friend to all be afriend to none also seems out of palce seesm like taylor speaking from hr own experience

i can’t tell how much of this is narrative insertion? is that the word. and how much of it is just the narrative.

cardigan really feels lke this is betty’s song when he left for the summer and ruined everything.

he did come back to her but i don’t know feels like it might have been too late but maybe not. mixed readings on this one.

dynasty is a bop and i have many thoughts on it like that i love rebecca she is my life goals.

also get black widow vibes from her when couple dynasty with mad woman and teh idea that waht happend to the dog might have happened to her husband.

do you tay, you do you. ruin everything ebcause evertyhing is already ruined and its time they realized that and that its not really your fault.

not really any woman’s fault. 

some of the songs seem like they are about othe poeple but then likewith  lemony snicket it feels liek teh narrator is telling his own story in his own words or through the characters.

the couple fight song gives me miss americana nad heartbreak proince both as a romance and the current state of our country

ricochet what is that jumbled instrumental jazz mess that happeesn after the first mention fo her tears

sweet tea does it mention braids idk it just keeps giving me vibes of two girls in love but that could be because i’ve been on a supercorp writing stint.

the insturmentals just take you to another plane of existence

mentions a girl and talks about guys she gives their babies present (strign song) don’t know what to make of this song. gives me many feelings and so much to unpack

where is centenial parrk and do they ahve a yogurt stand there where someone worked. it makes me wonder if songs about not realizing how many times your paths crossed with someone utnil the moment you finally collide and have your first official encounter

mad woman almost seems like its tied to american dynasty hinting at the reasons she went mad after her husband died

when i heard mouth f*ck in madwoman i had teh same reaction as i did when i heard taylor sing “only bought this dress so you could take it off” in dress. adn i am reminded yet again, our girl is growing up. is grown up. she says fu and everything.

betty’s gardne mentions being 17 and not knowing anything and in cardigent we were young and they said we don’t know anything like she was calling BS on his excuse. you knew exactly what you were doing

btrittle heart maybe its like snatches of conversations memoires of meoments togteher things that were said that wer promised that weren’t said things you wanted to say

hoax mentions number one bringing it all back to the first song

[fantroll-purgatory]

@rice-22

AU Chinese Zodiac session

Name:Niu,chinese for buffalo

Traditionally this Chinese zodiac space is occupied by the Ox, but the Vietnamese version of the zodiac uses the water buffalo, so I’ll accept this change to the buffalo. We’ll need to pick a better name, though.

Bubali is a better pick for the first name, it’s a reference to Bubalus bubalis, the Asian Water Buffalo. Bellis for the last name, as a reference to Teressa Bellissimo, the inventor of buffalo wings.

Age:6 sweeps

Strife Specibus:pan kind

You could use an oilkind instead and have him sort of fling the oil on people, portcullis style (even if that wasn’t actually all that common, it’s fitting for him!)

Fetch Modus:fry modus,he must fry the item and wait until its done,if the item stays for too long it may be destroyed,same if it stays for too short

I want to trrry to give this character more depth. He’s pretty just One-Note Buffalo Wings when there’s a lot else you can do with such a character! The oxen zodiac is associated with hard work, Backbreaking work in fact. You could give him a Beast Of Burden modus where he has to drag something heavy a certain distance in order to unpack his item?

Blood color:bronze fried “wings”!!

Symbol and meaning:chinese for buffalo

As with the other one, I’ll be switchin this up, but I’ll try to incorporate elements! 

Trolltag:hmm

How about cayennePurveyor? Cayenne’s a common seasoning on buffalo wings and a purveyor is a seller of a particular good!

Quirk:}{e writes wi}{ wings

Special Abilities:he can understand the animals,thats why he doesn’t make wings and instead he makes “wings”,its unknown where does them come from

Th… that’s ominous. Is he… is he killing trolls and selling them as food. 

Lusus: something like tinkerbull,but instead theres an wild chicken winged buffalo

I think a good and fun idea would be using a Sky Bison instead. It could still fly, but without Physical Wings. 

EDIT:  zeysir said: This is kind of a funny suggestion, but his lusus could be like a water buffalo version of the bullfinch monster from Dragon Quest since it looks like a plucked chicken that’s also a bull

This suggestion was so good that I had to add it in!

Love this weird fellow.

Personality:hmm im not so sure,he must be pretty charismatic to get all his “wings” sold

I like the idea of him being charismatic. I think I want him to… maybe be someone who built a sort of business from the ground up. Buffalo, NY is known as a great ski resort. So he could be something a restaurateur and a resort-keeper, a humble little cabin aesthetic that he built and maintained and made famous himself with his Delicious Food and Hospitality. But he’s hardheaded and a sly-talker and he’s very friendly and warm seeming, but he also… has a bit of a temper and a bit of a hatred for the entitled highbloods who come to stay at his resort, and… sometimes they just…. kind of vanish. But it’s fine. He can blame the mountain. 

Interests:animals and “wings” fried with oil from plants

I think I’ll also add Skiing/snowboarding, Hospitality, Hotel Services, and Self-Sufficiency.

Title: ???? of hope

I think it might make most sense for him to be a blood player. The ox is tied to the land and is also associated with the earth side of the chinese zodiac. Blood players are natural leaders and have that sort of draw and charisma that this character displays. He just has to learn to like… actually value his bonds instead of exploiting them if he wants to become a more acceptable person. So I’ll say… Mage of Blood, maybe? The active understander of blood bonds, responsibility, etc.

Land:land of lack and soil,a land where everyone is poor and hungry,but the dirt is good for farms

I do kind of like this premise, but you can’t just say the consorts are starving while there’s good soil without explaining it. So here’s my idea… There used to be an underclass of farmers who were all wiped out, and now the rich elite are starving because those entitled brats don’t know the first thing about farming. In order to accomplish his quest, he’ll have to teach the bastard consorts how to farm like reasonable people. You could call it the Land of Fallow and Opulence.

Dream Planet:prospit

Design:

Horns/hair: I added more waterbuffalo-y horns just to give him more of that aesthetic. For the hair, I changed it to black but otherwise kept it the same. Brownbloods are too low to have access to hairdye the way mid/higher bloods do. 

Face/top: I gave him some teeth, because brownbloods are a pretty toothy bunch, but I kept them relatively subdued so he wouldn’t look intimidating. I gave him a winter jacket and a frying apron- the winter jacket because of the ski lodge backstory And the fact that the ox zodiac is associated with winter. 

Bottoms; I gave him big puffy pants meant to be remniscent of snowpants and some snow boots. 

Symbol: I added the integral brownblood circle, but kept the line coming down and the split lines coming off the side!

I hope my feedback helped!

-CD

[slarty1]

WRITTEN JOURNAL # 31

July 5th 2017

I forgot to date the last entry.  I'll have to fix that with an edit. That reminds me...sometime I'll have to edit all my videos on YouTube.  For the description of your video to tag correctly you have to separate with commas, which I was only able to discover when I got a computer.

Well...I waited too long before writing this entry.  I can't remember what I did clear back on the 2nd.  I'm lucky if I can remember what I did today.  I still think era 3 is a good idea.  Both my cousin Mike, and Lisa have put a like on my Facebook page for my Tumblr activity recently, and it seems to coincide with era 3.

I still have no Obamaphone, but I did get a letter in the mail congratulating me that I was approved for 1.  It said to expect the phone in 10 days, so I do.  I don't remember which day I got it.

Today would have been the day I went back to Free Geek if that guy hadn't come along.  That my computer has a 32 bit architecture may be causing me grief.  I eventually downloaded iTunes (yesterday), but it doesn't seem to do anything.  Part of that may be because I had to download an older version of iTunes due to my 32 bit architecture.  I have given up trying to get my music on my SD card and only my SD card.  It seems to be something that the phone simply does not allow. My phone usually registers in the USB port now, but there's no telling why.  I have successfully transferred my phones music to my computer, but to play my tunes I have to highlight all the files and right click open with Banshee media player each time I turn my computer on.  I'd like to have Banshee know I want to play those files without me going thru that process, but I don't yet know how. I think it was the day before yesterday, that I told MWR who still didn't think you could comment on my blog, that all you had to do was click on the thing that looks like a comic voice box to comment. I've as yet seen no reply to the email wherein I told him that.  I think I should get someone else to comment on my blog so that he knows he's wrong.  I'm almost certain comments are enabled on my blog.

I did in fact take a shower and wash my clothes the day before yesterday.  Scott was @ STP where I wash my clothes, and I told him I now have a computer and asked whether I could just put the albums on my Nano myself.  He said he didn't see why not.  He set up an appointment for me for the following day (July 4th _yesterday) @ 2:00pm, there @ STP.

While I was @ STP washing my clothes I shot video of a visually intriguing top that happened to be lying around in the laundry room. I think I may have spent the rest of the day @ the library.  I took my clothes home and put them away 1st.  I may have relaxed @ home, and done some more things, but I don't remember.

I did in fact go shopping the day before yesterday, too.  I had to psych myself up @ home 1st to go shopping.  The library closes @ 8:00pm on Mondays, so it was getting pretty late by the time I got going.  I think it was already dark, so I guess it must have been sometime after 10:00pm.  I took a few pictures on the way to Safeway.

I bought:

1)  4 cans of Nalley Hot Chili.  The label says “Con Carne With Beans”.  I'm pretty sure con carne means with beans.  They were on sale if you bought 4.  I've already eaten 2.  1 while writing this entry. I ate them both from the can.  I've promised myself that I'll eat @ least 1 cooked, @ least nuked, if not cooked on the stove.

2)  A jar of Signature kitchens Dill Pickle “Slicers” (long cut pickles).  I love dill pickles, and I hate sweet pickles.

3)  A box of Wheaties.

4)  4 avocados.  They were on sale if you bought 4.

5)  Some mushrooms.

6)  A jar of Value corner Mayonnaise.

7)  A jug of milk

8)  4 2 liter bottles of Coca-Cola.  99 cents each if you bought 4 or more.

9)  A huge sack of Signature kitchens Fine Granulated Sugar.  I'm running out of sugar.  Now I won't have to buy sugar for like ever. I bought the largest size the store carried.

10)  2 12 packs of Lucerne Dairy Farms Vanilla Caramel Ice Cream Sandwiches.  They were buy 1 get 1 free.

11)  A loaf of dark rye bread.  I used most of it for burger buns, and have no more of it.

And that I think covers it.  I had a hell of a time getting that all home, what with the 4 2 liter bottles of Coke, the jug of milk, and the huge sack of sugar.  I think it was something like 11:30 when I got home.  So thats why I didn't write this entry then; and yet I think I may have stayed up until about 2:00am to 2:30am.

I don't remember when I woke up yesterday morning, but I had some activity I was doing which had the secondary effect of killing time before my meeting with Scott.  I still got done with whatever it was a bit before 1:00pm ( I now remember that it was making burgers.  The burgers I made had pepperochinis and mushrooms cooked into it, and were cooked in a layer of BBQ sauce.  They were on dark rye bread, with avocado, ketchup, Grey Poupon, and mayonnaise.  I used up all my burger for this too.)  I was running very low on smokes.  

So I showed up @ STP around 1:00pm.  While smoking a cigarette, I suddenly noticed Scott smoking 1.  As soon as I was done with my smoke,  I walked across the street to where Scott was, and said I was ready to get started as soon as he was.

He asked me if I had iTunes.  I told him I did not, and that it was difficult to get iTunes on a Linux machine.  He was under the impression that because it was an Intel machine, it should be easy. I had to firmly correct him about that.  

He said anyway I would need to have iTunes installed to put the songs I had on my computer on the Nano.  I thought he could just use the Nano as a disk drive and put the songs on that way, and maybe he could, but he denied it.

So the meeting was short.  I think I then went home, but I don't recall why.  I think it was that I needed to get my doubled up bags of cans to see if I could get enough money to get some cigarettes.  I figured if I could then great, and if not, then I would @ least have enough to go to Starbucks (I'd just be smoking rollies).

So I eventually got around to going to Whole Foods.  On the way there, who should appear, but Scott.  I hit him with another work around I'd thought of.  He could get the songs from off my phone.  He said his computer didn't have a USB port, which made 0 sense.  

I said I had a micro-USB to USB converter cord, but he came up with some reason that wouldn't work.  Theres nothing much I could do or say @ that point, but I'm getting quite tired of what seems to me to be Scott's BS.

When I got to Whole Foods the machine was up.  I think I got $2.60 for my efforts.  Added to the dollar and a few cents I had that did not make $4.05, but before I resolved to go to Starbucks, I realized I  could use the WI-Fi @ Whole Foods.  

The WI-Fi @ Whole foods is pretty iffy, but it was worth a shot. Whole Foods has a cafeteria where you can buy a pop or whatever on food stamps, and use their WI-Fi, so if that option worked it was well  worth it.  Saves using cash.

It seemed to be working OK.  It was there and during that time that I finally got a version of iTunes unpacked installed or whatever, on my computer.  The version wine (a Linux program for installing Windows programs) put on my computer doesn't do much of anything, tho, so congratulations would be premature.

After about 2 hours I rediscovered that the WI-Fi @ Whole foods quits after about 2 hours.  I eventually got around to trying my phone for more time, but the cafeteria was closing, by that time.  But I got a lot done, so no big deal.

I took a picture of my burgers for MWR.  My plan for celebrating the 4th was to go out to Beaverton to a place I knew where you can view several fireworks displays @ 1ce (thats what I cooked all those burgers for), but it was getting late and I was concerned that I wouldn't get a bus home on time even without that.

So I went to Pioneer Square.  I don't remember how I got there.  I think I went part of the way on the Max; but when I got there,  I decided to go sit outside the Starbucks, and upload my stuff, and see if MWR had anything else to say.  Thats what I did.

By the time I got thru with that, it was getting close to dark, so with a sigh, I decided to give the trip to Beaverton a miss.  I decided to check out the show @ Waterfront Park instead.  My phones power was down to 30 some odd percent.

So I took the Max down to 1st.  The park was very crowded. I got food out of the trash, several cans, and some videos of peoples amateur fireworks before the professional show began.  There were lots of boats on the Willamette for the 4th, so I also shot those, the whole time concerned about my phone's low juice.

 I then shot 8 videos of the professional display.  The longest is 5 minutes 52 seconds, and the shortest is 29 seconds.  I'm disappointed with that.  The videos aren't as high quality as real life and I missed a lot of the real thing, looking @ the view on my camera.

I then shot 3 videos of the aftermath.  2 of them are of people playing guitar.  1 of those is 2 people playing guitar, with 1 singing of his love for marijuana.  The 3rd is a 6 second video of a man lying in a pool of blood.  Cops on the scene said he fell.

It's 6 seconds because thats when my phone ran completely out of juice.  I'm lucky it automatically saved those 6 seconds before dying.  2 ambulances eventually came for him I think, but if I'm right about that, I don't know what the 2nd ambulance was for.

Some time around then, while walking home (the max was crowded to the limit) I found a huge doubled up bag of cans with a sign on them saying “free cans”, so I put the cans I had in it (I had already had to switch from my backpack to my doubled up sacks) and continued on, leaving my bags there.  With the 2 collections together the bag was so full, cans and bottles were falling out the top of the bags.

About half a block to a block away I suddenly saw that the bags were leaking quite a lot.  That would not do; so I took the cans back to where I found them, and put them 1 by 1 back into my doubled up bags.

It was getting close to my curfew, but I got the liquid out of all the bottles and cans.  2 or 3 were almost full.

I ended up getting home at about 12:40.  I think it took me until about 2:00am to 2:30am to get to sleep 1ce again.

I didn't wake up today until about 11:30am.  I think I relaxed, smoked, and played some Nethack to prepare myself for turning in my giant overflowing doubled up bags of cans and bottles.  Before I turned them in I went to Caron Kepic's building to see if she had made good on her commitment to bring me in a bag of cans.

She hadn't.  Fine.  I don't know what I'd do with all those cans and bottles anyway considering what I already had.  I called, and got her voice mail, and told her as much.  After I got back it was eventually getting to be about  2:00pm, so I resolved to do my labor in the heat of the day.

@ whole Foods I turned in my limit of $14.40 worth of cans and bottles (Oregon law demands a limit of 144 cans and or bottles per day per store).  I then sat and had a rolly, and decided and committed to turning in the rest at Fred Meyers, or if that looked like too much of a wait, @ Trader Joe's.

The Fred Meyers machines were pretty packed so I made my way to Trader Joe's.  There I turned in almost my limit there, so now I know the approximate capacity of my bags.  I got $13.80.  I then took the 20 to my new smoke shop and finally got some store bought smokes, and went home.

I started this entry @ about 7:00pm, and the time is now 1:17am.  I have $28.29.  I'm in affluence.

[bwicblog]

AH: ⋛⋋ it ⋌⋚ AH: ⋛⋋ is ⋌⋚ AH: ⋛⋋ TIME!!! ⋌⋚ AH: ⋛⋋ https://youtu.be/Woeao_ZLlR8?t=31 ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ ur welcome ⋌⋚

MN: thE fuck did .I just walk into

AH: ⋛⋋ magic. ⋌⋚

MN: that looks lEss likE magic and morE likE somEonE nEEds to lay off thE mEad

TT: shouldn'T you be busy (\/)rushing on your besT friend bird boy TT: lololoplololololololololo

AH: ⋛⋋ um???? excuse u???? ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ i dont have a crush on caelon thats dumb ⋌⋚

TT: you TT: heard TT: me TT: nerd TT: bird

TT: youre dumb

AH: ⋛⋋ ur dumb >:v ⋌⋚

TT: no you

AH: ⋛⋋ also MN u wouldnt recognize magic if it was right in front of ur nose ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ http://taimatrolls.tumblr.com/post/139073378698/edward-glock40-hands-finally-this-meme-gets-an ⋌⋚

MN: .I. rEcognizE thE magic of intErnEt mEmEs

AA: omgggg, that shit is classic.

AH: ⋛⋋ hell yeah!!! ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ finally. ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ someone who understands tru beauty ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ ;v; ⋌⋚

AA: y. only one flaw: therne's, like, zerno birnbs, dude.

AA: so lemme ftfy.

AA: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-TcLxlkc2pA

AH: ⋛⋋ dyhfcjfkg ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ lmao ron ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ like if u cry every time ⋌⋚

TC: Lemme smaaaaash

AH: ⋛⋋ no ron ;< ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ go find becky :/// ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ http://taimatrolls.tumblr.com/post/133649685023 ⋌⋚

TC: You wa~t sum fuk?

TT: This is The dumbesT sTuff ive seen and i've seen rikkin in person

AH: ⋛⋋ i guess u havent seen urself in the mirror lately then lmaooo ⋌⋚

TT: yeah i have and i am beauTiful

AH: ⋛⋋ (=v=) ⋌⋚

TT: even when i am asleep on sTarla's (\/)ou(\/)h i look fanTasTi(\/)

AH: ⋛⋋ so u dont mind if i post those snaps here then ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ (ov~) ⋌⋚

TT: i mean sure, i am jusT hoping ThaT you donT geT Too jealous

AH: ⋛⋋ why would i get jealous??????? ⋌⋚

TC: After~oo~ drama - ! love !t

TT: be(\/)ause i goT To be (\/)loser To sTarla Than you were able To geT To (\/)aelon duh

MN: oh .MY. god thE mEmE magic is too strong MN: no .I.m out .I. haVE to kick somEonEs ass byE

AH: ⋛⋋ ???? ⋌⋚

TC: OOOOOOHHHH

AH: ⋛⋋ what u cuddled her? ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ big deal ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ ive known her for sweeps n shes kinda cuddly to me too nerd lol ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ besides, why would i be jealous of u when i got a face like this just saying http://68.media.tumblr.com/40772c20bdf201449fb18ddc8d14d4de/tumblr_oatnerlI131sjachbo2_400.png ⋌⋚

TC: The gree~ o~e has a po!~t, they're adorable

AA: !!

AA: !!!!!!

TT: and i am adorable Too i am jusT Trying to find my phone

AA: omg, arne you the kid frnom the alley?? >:}

AH: ⋛⋋ (~vo) ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ ... ok first of im not a kid just bc im short!! im almost 8 ⋌⋚

TC: A small l!ttle w!ggler

AH: ⋛⋋ second of all idk??? who r u??? ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ ur just jealous im younger but still more beautiful ⋌⋚

AA: i am supern fucking wounded you obvs did not google my shit. like, supern supern wounded. like, knife thrnough the pumpbiscuit wounded.

TT: http://i.imgur.com/PoQgD4B.png TT: yeah i am sorry buT There is more Than one horse in This (\/)uTe ra(\/)e okay TT: and i am in The lead

AH: ⋛⋋ ???? ⋌⋚

AA: ~// HELLO CITICINS!!! \~ AA: ~// THE SPARK IN THE NIGHT HAS RETURNED AGAIN!!! \~

AA: ~// (Hi! Who are all of you? :D) \~

TC: Who the fuck

AH: ⋛⋋ i still win taskur get lost bye ⋌⋚

AA: siparna!! duh. AA: unless yrn anothern fluff topped grneenie. in which case, _lmao._

AH: ⋛⋋ and uhhh??? i mean i meet a lot of ppl in the alley- ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ OH ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ ITS U ⋌⋚

AH: ⋛⋋ :DDD :D :DD ⋌⋚

TT: hey (\/)an you guys shuT The fu(\/)k up and pay aTTenTion To me

AH: ⋛⋋ no ⋌⋚

AA: ~//I PAY ATTENTION WHEN I WANT TO PAY ATTENTION!!!\~

AH: ⋛⋋ and my name is rikkin uvu ⋌⋚

AA:~//Cool I'm Tallow :D \~

AA:~//Does anyone here like Supertroll\~

TT: i haTe all of you

AA: ~//Wildfire spots his newest archenemy\ ~ AA: ~// The likes of which can almost be compared to the aquatic atrocity \ ~

AA: see, i know a rmiccin, so I was like: nnnn that is T Ö T E S not the name, and AA: uH. >:}

AA: dnw, tt, i think the pupa likes you.

ID: let's pay even less attention to tt and pay attention to me.

TC: H! S!para

AA: ~//I'm not a pupa I'm 6 shut up\ ~

AH: ⋛⋋ omg ⋌⋚

TC: Go away Hadea~

ID: hmmm.... nah.

MD: Dude no that's still pupa age. AA: ~//Who asked you!!! >:C \ ~

AH: ⋛⋋ brb i gotta check on the food ⋌⋚

TT: ki(\/)ks dirT everywhere

TC: Gasps

AA: SDLKosdfhsdfkjf;sdf jldfskjlkjlkjlJ AA: sdlkjFSDLkAHAHAAHHHH AA: ~//THE VILLAIN HAS TRIED TO CUT OFF MY LINE TO MY ALLYS!!\ ~ AA: ~//THIS IS WHAT I MUST DEAL WITH IN MY HEROIC PURSUITS!!!\ ~ MD: Or you could try not playing dumb wriggler games in public chats MD: That works too

TT: (\/)hill

AA: arne we all rnoleplaying now?? AA: bc i'm outies, holy shit.

ID: as a guy wearing fairy wings right now.

TC: I roleplay that ! have a soda

ID: i can say you're all losers.

AA: ~//What \~ MD: What

TC: !s th!s how you do !t

AA: ... did you make a hat forn yrn lusus??

ID: no, asshole is getting enough love. people keep fucking feeding him.

AA: and n, n, you gotta say I DUMP THE CAN ON TC'S HEAD AA: duh.

ID: instead of me. it's a fucking travesty.

AA: they'rne feeding him and yrn not stealing the food??

AA: ~// Why are you a fairy? \ MD: Why are you wearing the wings in PUBLIC???

AA: wtf, it's like yrn not hungrny at all. f a K e.

ID: i don't eat hay sip.

ID: i'm fae as fuck right now.

ID: peeps keep asking me to make them wings though lol.

MD: Tallow I think we should lea:ve AA: ~// Why??? >:C \ MD: Because you're too little to hear about this AA: ~//AM NOT!!! \

TC: ! stop AA from dump!~g the ca~ o~ my head a~d the~ dump !t o~ the!r head

TC: Yay, we're roleplay!~g!

AA: ~// Wait what??? D: \ MD: Not you, dumbass.

AA: fucking success. see, we'rne prnos now. AA: beeteedubs, I totes meant TT. wtf all you peeps got TS for??

MD: Was any of that actual words.

TC: Do~'t make fu~ of S!para

MD: I'm not. MD: I'm asking what language Sipara is speaking.

ID: sip get to the faire already. =>:I

AD: oO hiiiii~ Oo

AD: oO it's looking very red in here today~ Oo

AA: I'm like an hourn out, fuck offffffff.

ID: red is best so.

AD: oO well red is very pretty so! Oo

AA: come out and fight these cullbait fucking drniverns so they'll stop drniving like they'rne petting theirn goddamn lusus with both hands, and, like, we will be therne S Ö Ö N E R. >:}

ID: tell them the fucking fairy prince will have their heads. =:P

AD: oO pfffft what Oo

AD: oO are you a fairy princess now Oo

ID: prince.

AA: n idk, ad, but you can lrnn2rnead orn stfungtfo, ikwim.

AA: >:P

AD: oO well i'd love to learn to read Oo AD: oO but i don't think you sound like a very good teacher! Oo

AD: oO but my sincere apologies for dishonoring the fairy prince Oo

AA: girnl, i am the best schoolfeed evern, soz. >:} AA: and yyy, good, will shout out abt the fairny prnince next time someone rnefuses to pass.

AA: strnike F E A RN in theirn H E A RN T S.

ID: on it.

AD: oO yes of course Oo AD: oO you cannot pass through this Oo AD: oO the court of the fairy prince Oo AD: oO who is really very scary! Oo

AD: oO may his sparkly powder sprinkles spell your demise Oo

ID: i feel like i'm being mocked. =:P

AD: oO of course not sir fae Oo

ID: good. because like. having fins is just as weird as having wings.

AD: oO hehe Oo AD: oO if you say so~ Oo

ID: totes did. is anyone here actually at the fair yet.

AA: phern is at the fairn alrneady, he got therne, like. yesternday?? AA: bc he does not believe in nornmal shit like S L E E P I N G.

AD: oO i just got here! Oo

ID: i'm having a hard time finding him. but then i haven't looked at a map. because stalls are distracting.

AA: his boytoy might be therne too, idefk. >:} uhh. prnobs the mossball.

AA: .. idk anyone else.

AA: call him!! AA: orn go chill with bubbles. strnangern dangern, whassat.

ID: i am having my stranger danger meter filled already, no bubbles needed.

SS: (I want it on record that texting and driving is, like, extra terrifying when its on a vehicle that definitely requires both hands to steer.) SS: (And on a totes unrelated note, I think Sipa might be anglin to kill us both! (\quq/) )

ID: what a way to go tho sip. i guesss i should call pheres. see what my getup is going to be.

AD: oO did you at least remember to wear your helmet Oo

TC: Psst Hadea~, what w!ll you be wear!~g there? ! wa~t to f!~d you so ! ca~ stuff po!so~ !vy dow~ your sh!rt

ID: that's implying i'll be wearing a shirt!

TC: Oh that makes th!~gs so much eas!er!

ID: =:P just enjoy the fucking faire and try to have fun for once.

ID: without hurting someone.

ID: you fucking weirdo.

TC: God ~o

AA: W E H A V E A R R I V E D.

ID: finally.

AA: don't sass me, brnah. therne was trnaffic. AA: and lal squalling in my flaps, A N D on my phone. AA: did you know he texted me to say, i was going2fast??

AA: like, stfu, stop starning at the speedometern and look at yrn damn phone. >:P

ID: i am all sass. i am the s a s s i e s t.

AA: n, soz, p surne that goes to prnisma.

ID: prisma isn't here to defend the crown so i rule. =>:P

AA: wherne you at, anyway?? AA: turns out i totes lied, btw, phern was off doing goth shit and not at his booth at A L L.

ID: no fucking wonder i couldn't find him. i'm at the shopping area.

SA: someone said my name.

SA: I woke up from my nap specifically becauseof this.

SA: I'm joking, my clairvoaynce is not that strong.

ID: are you at the fair yet?

AA: but is yrn clairavoyance??

AA: >:P

ID: i hope you didn't nap through your stop.

AA: .. how the fuck did you nap aftern drninking coffee??

AA: cappachino. w/e.

ID: maybe caffeine doesn't afect prisma too.

AA: i think he fell asleep again. so, like, obvs it doesn't. >:}

AA: orn else he needs to pourn morne down his chute.

SA: Sorry, I was unpacking. I am at my hotel now, actually.

SA: The caffiene only worked for so long.

SA: I will... change soon, and then I will go to the fair.

SA: Yes?

AA: yyyyyyyy.