#....... pour one out for edison | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nutteu · 1 year ago

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put your trembling fingers on my fever dream

[AO3]

Toast visited Sykkuno. Brodin sent the nurse outfit. Leslie finally did something about Edison’s crush. Sykkuno had fallen in love with Corpse (not really, but not entirely wrong either). Ryan ate his takeout miserably alone now, and it was all too many separate things that amounted to one conclusion: Toast really needed to buy his own mug. [Toast/Sykkuno; porn with too many plots and petnames; published 2021-02-27; word count: 29,473]

Ryan had seen it first, in its entirety. Before Rae, before Lily, before everyone else. Except maybe he wasn’t the first one to be aware about it.

Sykkuno was a delightful housemate, and he did like the jokes about Sykkuno living in the basement. Mostly because the guy never really came out of his room unless it was Ryan that extended the invitation first. Breakfast, lunch, dinners; all eaten at the wrong time, and possibly the wrong amount and wrong intake of calories. But Sykkuno had been strangely blessed in his physique and Ryan wasn’t afraid to admit that he was just a little bit jealous of how Sykkuno could inhale a greasy meal ordered from the nearest fast food joint, and was still shaped like he was a fae lost in the concrete jungle.

He had heard the stories of Sykkuno essentially waddling his way around the OTV house, standing in front of people’s doors because he wanted to talk, to connect, but was too afraid to actually ask. Maybe he had grown up since then, because Ryan didn’t get the same treatment. It was quite disappointing because he had seen videos, and they were embarrassingly, awkwardly endearing.

Still—he was one of the few people who discovered Sykkuno’s change in his sweet demeanor and he took that as a balm to his wounds.

Sykkuno didn’t stutter as much now, in conversations and in streams. He was still adorably soft and sweet, and everything out of a good dream in the middle of a spring. But there was a certain edge to him now, like something was coiled within and at times it made Ryan wait in trepidation and excitement all at once to hear something outrageous poured out of Sykkuno’s mouth with the calmest, airy tone of voice. It was quite a highlight of his day.

He replied with more ease and confidence now in conversations, but there were also instances where he stayed silent and mulled over his words in his mouth. Toast had said this, over and over again: Sykkuno was smart, and he knew what he was doing. He had been adamant that Sykkuno was a little tease that knew how to play people so well on his palm, dancing and flitting around the truth without outrightly lying; looking so innocent and oblivious to the point that it made people question themselves. Ryan thought that it was something terribly interesting, and something that couldn’t be let out in the open air simply because he wasn’t sure if the world could handle it.

People who had seen Sykkuno like that were far and few in between, but they all had spoken like it was something cryptic. They released a drop, and let it dangle for everyone to thirst after. People had been adamantly invested in seeing something different in Sykkuno, something they could talk about with poison dripping from every word. Sykkuno was everything from their wildest wet dreams, and more.

Toast visited one day, completely out of the blue. It was the first day of Ryan’s experience in figuring out just how far Sykkuno could twist someone’s head from all the conflicting sides he represented with such awkward graces that suit the genuine smile on his face, the indecipherable look in his eyes.

When he opened the door to the man, he wondered if Sykkuno knew. But Ryan took a look at him, and found out that he was already looking at Toast like he was furious, but also like he had won something that only the two of them knew what the prize was.

Toast had greeted him with easy smiles and familiar cadence in his low voice. He had always talked like that, dragging his words and talking with the smallest of tones that forced people to strain their ears, silent in their effort to hear him better. Oddly enough, for someone who had too many chinks on his armor, Toast could command people with the slightest flick of his finger and the simplest of words. It reminded him greatly of the way Sykkuno roped and pulled people in his own games, albeit gentler; a soft fall right into the abyss. In this matter, Ryan honestly didn’t know where Toast ended and where Sykkuno began.

He didn’t need people to tell him about Sykkuno’s admiration for Toast, or the way he seemed to chase after him wherever, whenever. It was painfully obvious in his words, in the way he acted with the man, in his whole body. Sykkuno was unabashed in his affection and longing of approval from Toast, and Ryan had almost thought that it would reach a breaking point where Sykkuno was left hanging and Toast slamming the doors on his face.

Toast had always been the person who took care of the people around him, hiding the encompassing affection with his cutthroat words and dark sense of humor. But Sykkuno could be clingy and incessant in his pursue of connection, and Toast seemed to be the person who liked his own space, even more than Sykkuno. Not to mention the indifference in Toast’s voice and the way he had mercilessly, almost cruelly, pushed at Sykkuno’s buttons and pitching him against the things he was most uncomfortable about.

But maybe Sykkuno was a masochist, and Toast was simply a gentle sadist.

Because instead of turning away, Toast had let Sykkuno crowd into him close, and closer still. He knew about Sykkuno’s fascination and worrying hero worship towards him. But as if feeding woods into a blazing fire, Toast took it and pushed and pulled at Sykkuno’s muted, insistent affection and turned it into something that was borderline on inappropriate upon closer inspection. It was almost like seeing a mating dance of two lethal, highly questionable individuals. Ryan cared a great deal about his friends and colleagues, but he also liked his entertainment. What else was more interesting than seeing two people who clearly were aware what they were capable of, dancing around each other like they knew where exactly they were heading to, yet still so stubborn on sabotaging each other in the process?

Maybe tonight they were having their last dance off, and they were too strung up and tired of this game. Because Sykkuno and Toast sat on the opposite of each other in the kitchen table, and Ryan felt very much like a referee who was bordering more on an inappropriately interested spectator.

It was something novel, seeing the hardness in Sykkuno’s soft eyes, the coldness wafting off of him like whispers of wind before the storm. Sitting in front of him, Toast was suspiciously calm, handling himself so carefully casual and relaxed. He was looking at Sykkuno like he was waiting for him to explode, and enjoying every last second of it. Whatever was going on between them—and Ryan wasn’t sure whether he actually wanted to know—it was something that neither was willing to back down from.

“Ryan,” Sykkuno said, and it was dripping with sweet honey and so, so pretty that it was hard not to just nod at whatever he was going to say. Maybe that was the point; maybe Sykkuno had learned to wield it so well that the transition of his genuine kindness blended in seamlessly with this manipulative, saccharine sweet poison that people unquestioningly ate up. “Would you mind leaving us for a few minutes?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said easily, standing up from his seat.

“He can stay,” Toast drawled, finger tracing a dried mark from a coffee on the table. His smile was almost lazy, almost like he was intentionally goading Sykkuno. “You’re loud, Sykkuno. He will find out by the end of the night.”

He didn’t choke on his saliva, but it was close. This- thing going on between them seemed to have happened for too long, and too far. Knowing Toast, he had knowingly used taunting, deliberately chosen words that could be interpreted in too many different contexts. Toast had always known what he was doing, what kind of consequences he derived from his words. That was the reason why the majority of people looked up to him, because he wasn’t afraid of putting his foot on dangerous situations in order to push his limit. His ambitions had never stopped at the finish line, and it was the kind of manic, ruthless relentlessness that couldn’t be stopped.

Sykkuno smiled at him, and there was a certain kind of hatred and affection in his eyes that looked oddly beautiful. This man was heartbreakingly handsome in his enigmatic persona, and Ryan felt like he was eavesdropping in a very intimate conversation even if he was standing under the same harsh kitchen lights like the two of them.

“Assuming is always a fatal trait, Toast,” he said lightly, nervous laughter so ridiculously genuine that it wouldn’t be so out of place if it weren’t for his words and the way his shoulders were coiled. Like he was about to lunge across the table; either to punch or fuck him right then and there, Ryan couldn’t tell. “You taught me better than that.”

“Certainly,” Toast nodded. “I’ve taught you a lot, didn’t I? Is that why you’re so agitated, Sykkuno? Because I’ve taught you how to get what you wanted, and still denying you the very thing you’re after?”

Ryan sighed and pushed his chair back, slotting it on the space. Sykkuno’s name had dripped like a mockery on Toast’s tongue, and Ryan might not know exactly what in the hell was happening between them, but he sure as hell didn’t want to stay any longer in this wretched version of a foreplay. A masochist and a sadist, indeed.

“Right,” he said, and wasn’t surprised when neither of them looked away from each other. “Whatever you’re gonna do, don’t break the house too much. Sykkuno, we still have a lease, keep that in mind.”

It was such a marvelous thing that he was editing videos instead of streaming tonight. But maybe they both had known that, too. It wasn’t something out of the realm of possibility. As he left, he heard them talking with venomous words that strangely sounded sensual in the ears. He had known that something wasn’t quite right with either of them; he just didn’t know that it was to this extent.

And, to the physical extent too, as it seemed. Because not half an hour since he locked his door, he heard a loud crack and some harsh rustling; a growl that sounded suspiciously out of Toast’s mouth and a high-pitched, mocking laughter that sounded like Sykkuno and unlike him at once. Not long after, the sound of another door closing was heard, and Ryan turned up his volume the moment Sykkuno started screaming out Toast’s name shamelessly.

It was well into midnight before the sounds ceased down, and the silence settled in house. Ryan kept the newly discovered secret—intentionally flaunted facts?—in his mind, and tried to entertain himself with speculation of how people would react if only he was streaming. Ryan truly hoped that they didn’t actually break something in the house in their haste to fuck the frustration and rivalry out of each other. He decided, whatever was going on, he didn’t want to know. It was better that way, made him sleep faster after they were done with their outrageously shameless sexual romps.

A bunch of animals, those two.

Toast had always known that Sykkuno was going to be his Achilles heel. This sweet, sweet boy with a knack for manipulation in his calm inflection. Sykkuno had been through a lot in his life, and maybe that was why he was so enduring, expertly using his words to placate people. He had seen the worst of what a human could be, and had experienced a lot of pain that it made him revert further into himself. But while it made him so unbalanced and untethered at the start, it also gave him a penchant for pain later on—only when it came to people who knew how to measure the strength, and how to soothe the sting after.

Sykkuno would unfailingly look at people for attention and connections; emotionally, physically. After spending some time watching him, silently picking him apart piece by piece, subjecting him under intense scrutiny and multiple attempts of pushing him into uncomfortable situations, Toast could say that Sykkuno wanted someone who could hold him tight until he was suffocated, who could give him the right kind of pain that he could handle. He wanted to be seen, wanted to be acknowledged in his effort of taming the void and wounds inside of him.

For one reason or another, Sykkuno had decided that that person was Toast.

Toast had never considered himself a sadist. Sure, he was cutthroat and wasn’t afraid to be a ruthless asshole to those who deserved it, but he hadn’t thought of himself that way from previous sexual relationships. And, sure, he was adventurous and wasn’t ashamed in admitting so. But something about this pretty boy with his down-casted eyes and fidgeting fingers made something in him snap, and all he could think about was pushing, and pushing Sykkuno past his breaking limit, and cradle the remaining pieces afterwards. It was exactly what Sykkuno was looking for, and for the longest of time, Toast wondered if he had fallen into his trap all this time.

Everyone liked Sykkuno, to the point of mindless babying and treating him like a fragile flower petals. But Toast had seen what Sykkuno was capable of, and that mouth was nothing if not sinful. He weaved words and pleads into something of an art, and Toast watched with amazement at how willingly everyone succumbed to him, thinking that they would protect this fragile ball of cotton and stuttering without knowing that they were standing right in front of the maw of a beast. It excited him so, and Toast had never felt this exhilaration before.

Not even when he had found comfort in his relationships, not even when found out that his ambitions surpassed even his own desire to find someone he could confide in, someone he could love and love every part of him in return. Sykkuno was someone who could understand that kind of thirst for something more, and someone he could trust even with the worst part of him, he would love nearly everything about Toast and that distinction was what mattered all along. But Toast wasn’t sure if they were fit for a loving, wholesome relationship. Not when they were so caught up in the sharp parts of each other, and took a fancy to the harsh touches and unfiltered words out of soft, plush lips. Toast thought that if Sykkuno would love someone like Corpse just a little bit more, instead of someone like Toast, they could have a chance of something normal. Something as simple as a relationship that they could have in comfort and silence, maybe tell the world once they were sure they weren’t going anywhere but each other’s side.

But why would he, when Sykkuno’s eyes held something so dangerous and fragile all at once. Why would he want something as mundane as normal, when Sykkuno could take what Toast could give, and still ask for more?

This was something Toast had never thought he wanted in his life, but still something he craved and got anyway. The thought of never going to be able to have Sykkuno in his soft, wholesome side that he presented to people, didn’t bring much misery to his mind. Because instead of wallowing in uncertainty, the confidence that they would have this chase, this dangerous dance for a long time, was something that set Toast’s blood boiling like a desire fighting to be set free in its vicious, horrendous galore.

It was a beautiful thing to see, Sykkuno understanding his cues and what Toast was trying to get at. To see him respond so readily, to have something of his own as a counter, it was enough to keep Toast on his toes around this man. But they had been circling each other with fangs not fully bared, and knives out in the open for the others to see. They were bound to snap and lunge to maul each other at one point.

Funnily enough, the breaking point didn’t come from either of them. It came from Edison.

Edison and Leslie were so painfully, wholeheartedly in love with each other that it left no doubt in anyone’s mind. But Edison had this insistent, laid back fascination towards Sykkuno. It wasn’t even affection, no more than mere friendship at least. It should’ve been something that would make Leslie grit her teeth, and it did at first, but she gradually got used to it over time. Apparently, they thought that the way to stop Edison’s constant innuendos and suggestive invitations was to literally fuck it out of their system.

Sykkuno had gone home with hickeys all over his neck, and sitting gingerly as if he was in pain. But the look on his face was content, and daring. As if he was taunting Toast with every touch he pushed to his numerous marks, and the small smile he kept whenever he talked to either Edison or Leslie. It was Sykkuno’s first, on all senses; his first kiss, his first time touching and fucking a woman, his first time having a cock inside his mouth and his ass. His first time experiencing a pleasure so apparent that he almost floated from the overwhelming sensation.

Toast gritted his teeth and gave in to the taunts. It might say something about his resolve as a proud man, but exactly because he was proud, he couldn’t just smile and sit on his thumb when Sykkuno had made a spectacularly flashy move.

He sent Sykkuno an address to a fancy hotel that he didn’t care the price for, and waited with confidence and certainty that Sykkuno would be there on time, and stall so he could arrive just fashionably late into the room. Lily and Michael fucked in the house just fine, but Toast knew that Scarra would definitely bring this matter up if Toast were to fuck Sykkuno there. Because he wasn’t sure that he would want to keep himself in control, and he knew that Sykkuno would give as good as he got.

He didn’t bother with foreplay. He fingered Sykkuno with clever touches, and forced him to keep talking under the onslaught of pleasure-pain. He had him talked about how it felt like fuck someone, how it felt like to be fucked within an inch of his life. Apparently, Edison and Leslie didn’t hold off their horses; they went full throttle even on Sykkuno’s first time. Maybe because they had seen glimpses of who Sykkuno was, what he could become. Leslie had pegged him, and Edison had joined her as they fucked Sykkuno in synchronized movements that left him gasping and crying.

“What can you do to- ah- to exceed that, Jeremy?” Sykkuno had viciously, mercilessly taunted even when his legs were quivering. He said those with such a sweet, sweet voice, but he knew Toast as much as Toast knew him at this point. If anything, Toast was always the one who would strive to exceed every expectation people put on him, and gave it a twist for his own satisfaction. He would succumb to no one, and he would fulfill no one’s expectation but his own.

Toast might not be as muscular as other guys out there, but he was strong enough to lift Sykkuno’s legs and fucked him against the wall with harsh thrusts and cruel words that edged too close to affection. It was dangerous, and exhilarating, and the feeling of Sykkuno’s tight heat around him nearly made him go mad from how good it was, how satisfying it was to see Sykkuno getting what he wanted in the same breath that he surrendered to Toast.

Toast dragged him to bed, and made him kneel between his knees on the edge of the frame. “Show me how you sucked Edison’s cock, little darling,” he purred, gripping Sykkuno’s hair tight between his finger and almost laughed at how it made spurts of pre-come came out of his cock. “Better, even. You can do that for me, can’t you?”

Sykkuno did, and Toast unabashedly groaned and moaned when he sucked him into the wet heat of his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and was unashamed of how he looked like as he let Toast pushed further into his throat. There was a choking sound as Sykkuno struggled to take all of him in, but he was tenacious and Toast almost felt endeared by how much he was willing to give his everything for Toast. Pretty, manipulative little darling. He would keep him by his side forever if it wasn’t so fun to have Sykkuno standing against him.

“Did they see you like this, Sykkuno?” he asked, the name rolling out of his tongue like an insult and endearment in one breath. “So pretty on your knees, trying so hard to please people with everything you got—Oh, fuck- you little minx—I bet they had seen plenty of you. But is it enough for you? Did they see enough?”

Sykkuno squeezed on his balls tightly, cruelly in his delicate fingers, and pulled off his cock with a lewd sound that made Toast shiver and grip his hair tighter. “More than you’re willing to, Toast,” he said, voice hoarse and still so, so defiant.

Sykkuno was a glutton for pain and punishment, in all the right places, given by the right person. And Toast took that expectation, and exceeded it further than they both were ready for that night.

He took ahold of both of Sykkuno’s hands in his, and told him to ride him—no touching. Sykkuno’s soft brown eyes were hooded and his breath was a stuttering mess. He looked absolutely stunning moving on Toast’s cock like that, torturing them both with the slow rise and fall of his body. And Sykkuno had always been so soft, so delicate in so many aspects of his life. But Toast had taught him well, how to plant his feet on the ground and go after what he wanted without backing down. Even in the delicate lines of his body, he was a beautiful in his viciousness of breaking Toast apart.

It was intoxicating, to see Sykkuno in his confidence, and to have the entirety of it directed at Toast without reservation. He was immensely glad that he brought them to a hotel instead of fucking their frustration out in the house. He could imagine the stunned silence and ensuing chaos the morning after if they ever heard Sykkuno moaning so shamelessly; so loud in chasing his own pleasure.

“Come on, pretty baby,” Toast growled out, voice gravelly low and harsh. “Is that all you’ve got?”

He snapped his hips up the moment Sykkuno’s eyes narrowed, and pushed down as hard as he could. His moan was deafening in its carnal, animalistic beauty and how could Toast ever wanted something normal, something so soft with this man? He longed to have Sykkuno like this all the time, gloriously free of all burden and feral in his single-minded focus of beating Toast in the game they never wanted to end.

At one point, Toast finally let his hands go, and Sykkuno immediately surged up to kiss him harshly, fingers slipping into Toast’s hair and pulling until he was forced to grab onto Sykkuno’s hip and dig his nails into skin. Sykkuno stuttered out a broken moan at the feeling of blunt nails piercing his flesh, and bit hard on Toast’s lips; cries of his name poured out of his lips like a litany of curses and prayers. Sykkuno could have anyone he wanted, could snuggle up and be sweet and fuck anyone, but it would always be Toast who was able to bring this side of him in its entirety of pure, primal instinct.

He didn’t give Sykkuno any reprieve. As soon as he came with a loud, high pitched whine—untouched and nearly making Toast go crazy from heat and desires bunching up inside his gut—he rolled them over and bent Sykkuno on his knees and lapped over the tender, reddened hole. Sykkuno, sensitive and still raring to go, bit on his own lips until he drew blood and gripped the sheets so tight that his knuckles turned white from the force. Toast pulled out to breath and was struck by how enthralling he was like this; debauched and filthy, succumbing and defiant with his own brand of gentle, persistent harshness. They could stay forever like this, in this fancy hotel room, guarding what they had so fiercely between fervent pleads and dirty secrets shared like poisons they fed into each other’s mouth.

He rimmed him until they both were gasping, his own cock filling up and he reached out for the rapidly declining string of condoms. They were both men in their late twenties, they were supposed to take a breath and let the refractory period take its course. But Toast was a man with a healthy sex appetite, and Sykkuno was a wild card in his tender, affectionate willingness to go wherever Toast wanted to be.

“Don’t,” Sykkuno gasped out, still trying to control his breaths.

Toast slowly, gently moved up to him, and kissed him with something like fervor and inappropriate prayers in every slide of their lips, the tangle of their tongues; trading vindictiveness and jealousy and affection in their saliva. He felt like he could own Sykkuno like this, with him so willingly submitting despite his sharp fangs and jagged edged of his bones cradling his fragile heart. But he wouldn’t. He wanted Sykkuno to fully grow into himself, to own himself so completely that he wouldn’t leave any doubt in his own mind. And only then, would Toast finally admitted that he would fall to his knees for Sykkuno.

Even now, with him pushing inside the heat, loose from rounds of their carnal desires, Toast felt like he was conquered already in his own scheme. There was something absolutely freeing in giving in to Sykkuno’s mercy, even if he didn’t let his fingers loosen their grip on Sykkuno’s neck, pushing on his carotids as he felt the entirety of Sykkuno—connected so intimately without any barrier between them. It felt different; it felt so excruciatingly pleasurable and heartbreaking.

“Say my name, dirty darling,” he whispered into his mouth, pleased when Sykkuno wasn’t afraid to call him out with his name.

“Jeremy—please, please—“ Sykkuno closed his eyes, fingers finding their home on Toast’s hair, raking nails on his back. He would wear the mark with pride and a mellow sense of defeat.

He wouldn’t ask what he was pleading for. In this moment, nothing could touch them but their possessive desires. Toast sneaked a hand to jerk him off with rough tugs, cum making the slide easier against his calloused palm. He rubbed his fingers on Sykkuno’s lips, and he opened his mouth obediently, sucking on them the way he sucked on Toast’s cock, coming with a weak spurt and his name muffled beneath too many wishes.

Toast fucked him until he couldn’t stop crying from oversensitivity, until Toast himself was sluggish and dead tired on his feet. Until he couldn’t stop the gentleness from seeping into his words.

“I’ll never make you mine, Sykkuno,” he whispered, so honest, so soft despite the harsh thrusts of his hips.

Sykkuno’s eyes snapped open, and he looked like he understood, like he was in pain, like he relished in the truth of it. “You will,” he said, with a smile that looked so serene on his pretty face.

Toast came inside him with a small laugh that he hid on Sykkuno’s neck, feeling so deeply satisfied by the conviction of his answer. His little darling was crying out softly from the feeling of being fucked full of cum, Toast’s mark evident even in the deepest part of him. He felt slender legs encircle his waist, so Toast stayed there, holding Sykkuno through the full body shiver and kissing his forehead with tender kisses that was at odd end with their harsh coupling.

“Good?” he asked, treading his fingers through hair damp from sweat.

Sykkuno nodded, not trusting his voice just yet. His legs finally loosened, allowing Toast to pull out, and cursed when he looked down and saw his cum trailing out of Sykkuno. His Achilles heel, the sun to his Icarus, the sea he plunged into when his wings were burnt off. Even when they were both spent and halfway out of their minds, Toast still had to smile and admit his numerous defeats tonight.

He took his time, laying there holding Sykkuno close despite the sweat between their bodies. He caressed his jaw, his back, feeling Sykkuno’s answering touch on the delicate fingers tracing patterns on his chest. His nails were filled with dried blood, and Toast knew that his weren’t that much better. He coaxed Sykkuno for a quick shower, before they hit the bed, exhausted and content with satisfaction deep in their marrows.

They would go home together because they weren’t afraid and they relished in the speculations. Toast had always said that Sykkuno knew what he was doing; he could pull off an impossible feat of being an impostor alone in a lobby of seven. He would enjoy the questions in their friends’ eyes, the hesitation in voicing out their thoughts. Maybe they would; Michael definitely would. But Sykkuno was too good at his game that the only thing Michael would get was even more headaches than before.

Toast had taught him a lot, and he had taught him well. Sykkuno hadn’t bloomed into his full potentials just yet, but soon. Enough that Toast could finally give them what they wanted in the first place. Not so easy, though. Sykkuno would probably be disappointed and retreat into his smiley, soft spoken front if Toast ever made it easy for them. There would be no challenge, and Sykkuno wouldn’t be able to expose his everything if he had thought that all Toast wanted was a domestic life where they both were completely normal people with normal love story.

This wasn’t a love story, however; it was an insult to call it that. This was much, much more than that, and Toast smiled into Sykkuno’s hair as he waited with bated breath what this dirty little darling would bring to the table next.

Toast was already awake by the time Ryan ambled to the kitchen. He was in his undershirt, and his pants from the night before. He was drinking coffee out of Sykkuno’s mug. Ryan didn’t ask how he knew it was Sykkuno’s. He could just choose at random, but he didn’t think that it was the case with either of them. Speaking of it—

“Wild night?” he teased good-naturedly.

Toast’s answering smile was simple and sincere. He didn’t look up from his matching stare with the table. He looked almost soft like that, domestic. Ryan almost wanted to look away and maybe find another housemate. So the both of them could continue whatever they were going at, and would have this gentle times where neither of them were so wrapped up in the competition; just enjoying each other’s company. It might be the first time he had actually seen this side of Toast and Sykkuno, but he was pretty sure neither of them wanted it. They didn’t seem to mind an audience, maybe it added to the excitement. All the intricate half-truths they would have to spin out of thin air were probably one of their freaky foreplay.

“You don’t want to know,” Toast said, and it meant more than one thing.

Ryan nodded, taking out the cereal box and the milk out of the fridge. They had never stocked up milk that much since Sykkuno only ever ate his cereal as treats that he nibbled on while he was trying to restore some semblance of consciousness out of his sleep-deprived state.

“No,” he said. “I don’t. I don’t mind watching the banter though. It was fun to see.”

Toast nodded, the smile still on his face. This close, Ryan could see the bruises and purpling hickeys on his skin. My God, Sykkuno must have been really interesting in bed. He thought that the juxtaposition would be something incredible to witness. Maybe this was what people were truly thirsting after. They would jeer and mock, and keep the knowledge that Sykkuno wasn’t a little, wide-eyed innocent lamb on bed close to their heart, staying for a long time in their mind.

“Even more breathtaking in the process,” he said, and it was a truth that he bared in the early morning when the city was barely bustling. It was safe enough to let out something so fragile like that when everyone’s first and foremost concern was having enough will to go through the day.

“I don’t want to know, remember?” he reminded, didn’t mean it. “Though the information is much appreciated. You love him?”

Toast looked up this time. He looked contemplative, and Sykkuno might be his housemate for only a while now, but Ryan was someone who had learned to care and love sincerely. He would give Toast a formal punch to the eye just for the sake of it. Sykkuno didn’t need anyone to defend his honor, but he could appreciate the show of loyalty.

“More than he thought I was capable of,” he said finally. There was a vulnerability to it that Ryan didn’t think he deserve to see.

He nodded, scooping his cereal. “Why don’t you stay, then?”

“I thought you don’t want to know?” Toast teased back, then laughed as he shook his head. As if he was mocking, as if he was in wonder. “Sykkuno wouldn’t want to have something so easily laid upon his feet—not from me. It would be insulting to all of his efforts.”

“I see,” he said through a mouthful of milk and soggy cereal, and didn’t actually know at all. “Alright, as long as I don’t have to get an eyeful of Sykkuno’s ass, I’m okay with whatever satanic ritual you two are performing.”

Toast laughed again, in genuine humor this time. “If only it’s that simple.”

Ryan ate his cereal, and Toast sipped on his rapidly cooling coffee. Sykkuno went into the kitchen with bleary eyes and Toast’s shirt, thankfully with a pair of shorts. But since they were shorts, Ryan kept his smile intact as he noticed the bruises of handprints and bite marks on the back of his knees and thighs. Smile and wave, boys, just smile and wave.

“That’s my mug,” Sykkuno pointed out without heat. But he was grumpy and just a tad too adorable in the morning, even without his thin makeup and impeccable anime protagonist hairstyle in place.

“Excellent observation,” Toast said with a half-smile.

He reached out for Sykkuno, and he obediently followed. Again, Ryan felt like he was intruding in his own house. Shared house. Sykkuno settled nicely between Toast’s legs, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. “Toast, get out of here and give me back my mug,” he whined, even as Toast rubbed his back gently.

“Alright,” he said, standing up and kissed Sykkuno on his lips. “Don’t drink too much coffee.”

Sykkuno nodded and let Toast manipulated his limbs so he was seated on the chair Toast had just vacated. He nodded at Ryan, and left the room to retrieve his belongings. He was out of the door before Sykkuno was awake enough to drink the now cold coffee. Toast didn’t ask for the shirt back.

“You’re not gonna ask?” Sykkuno asked, voice rough from something that wasn’t just sleep.

Ryan gave him a bright smile. “I don’t want to know.”

Sykkuno smiled back, understanding what he meant. They truly could stand toe to toe against each other, Ryan thought with something like laughter in his chest.

“You’re a good man, Ryan,” Sykkuno said, and tugged the slightly loose shirt closer around his body, as if keeping the last of Toast’s touch close to his skin.

Toast was snoring on the couch when Lily shook him roughly. He gasped out a strangled groan, and looked at her small face with unfocused eyes. He was exhausted from driving for four hours to Sykkuno’s shared house, fucking him for hours, and then driving back for four more hours. He felt every single year of his life in his bones. Wild sex was only nice while it lasted.

“You have a stream in an hour,” she said by way of explanation.

Toast yawned and nodded. He stretched out like an overgrown cat, and Lily looked at his hickeys without batting her lashes.

“Where were you last night?” she asked, despite knowing the answer already. They had been at this dance for too long that the whole house just kept it as a public secret; knowing, but not quite understanding. Lily was different, however. Maybe because she had known Sykkuno since the start, and had lived for a long time with Toast. She also had this knack of knowing something undetected, without letting anyone knew that she had all the cards grasped within her small palm. Maybe that was the reason why Michael had never let go of the leash she kept unlocked around his neck, despite his deranged, unhinged wildness in full rampage.

“Las Vegas,” he answered dutifully.

She nodded. “Alright,” she said, already leaving. “Don’t forget to cover those up.”

He and Sykkuno had a stream together that day, and he smiled in tranquility when Sykkuno fumbled and reassured his chats that it was just a light cough, nothing serious. Of course they’d believe him. To think that Sykkuno’s voice was hoarse because he spent hours screaming and having Toast’s cock in his mouth was something unthinkable in their realm of possibilities.

He watched the banter and the glaringly obvious flirting Corpse and Sykkuno had shamelessly inflicted upon the lobby, thinking that the both of them were almost like fumbling college students with their crushes on the second semester. Adorable, but also laughably impossible. They would need time to actually mature into the actual relationship they had hoped and expected from each other. Maybe later, just a little longer, Corpse could do it—grasp Sykkuno’s hand right in front of Toast’s eyes and he’d let them. Why would he worry about something so inevitable like that? Even if what he had with Sykkuno lasted for a long time still, Sykkuno was still endearingly fascinated by Corpse. One way or another, they would fall in love, and Toast could just lean back and enjoy their awkward touches and declarations of spending eternity in each other’s arms.

He would pity Corpse, but he pitied Sykkuno more with his inability to let go of his vice grip on Toast’s heart.

“Heard you finally visited Sykkuno,” Brodin said. He didn’t hear it from anyone, of course. They just correctly assumed that it would always be Sykkuno waiting on the other side of the lane for Toast.

“What’s with the sudden interest?” he asked, clicking the remote and trying to find something remotely interesting on the TV. If Rae still lived here, the room would be livelier with her nasty commentaries of any show they watched. He missed her dearly, but she had given up on Toast and Sykkuno when she realized that they weren’t going anywhere but their current vicious stalemate. She still gave him shits about it once in a while, it kept things interesting.

Brodin then lifted a package on his hands that was only now Toast noticed. “The other nurse outfit, I bought it for him a long time ago. But Scarra decided that it was too much for the viewers. Would’ve been pretty wild, but I didn’t think either you or Sykkuno would let anyone see it.”

Brodin was a wise man, and Toast smiled at him as he took the package. “That was a good call.”

“Say hi from me,” he said. “Ryan too. He knew?”

“Witnessed it firsthand,” he replied. “Guy’s got too much experience with weird shits, he didn’t even break his smile when he saw us.”

The tall man nodded. “Good guy.”

He agreed. It really was the right decision to let Sykkuno room with him. He handled the situation pretty well, was adamant in getting out of their hair despite clearly looking at them with calculations in his eyes the morning after, and Toast was pretty sure that he had his own speculations of Toast and Sykkuno; separately, and together. He had been around for a long time in their line of work, and Toast respected that consistency. He wasn’t some blind eyed sheep that would follow every honey slathered word out of Sykkuno’s mouth, and that was already saying something considering the majority of people who did.

He had finally decided to visit alone, with his own agenda, when Toast realized that Sykkuno was well into the process of realizing that he had fallen in love with Corpse. All of them had had thought of this developments since miles away, but it was still something sweet to see. It was almost funny because Sykkuno was the one who followed his every command, but in reality, it was Toast who was always being pushed around from his unstoppable force. First Edison and Leslie, and now Corpse. Sykkuno really had too many people at his disposal with their hearts ready as offering.

He hadn’t wanted a relationship, not for a while anyway. Since the start, all Sykkuno wanted was Toast—every single part of him that he could have. He was possessive and relentless like that. His little dirty darling, he thought with a smile. A defining relationship where Toast formally claimed Sykkuno was an afterthought. What he wanted was the visceral, utterly pure sense of claiming. In the endgame, though, Sykkuno would want Toast to admit that he wanted them to be so wrapped up around each other that Toast couldn’t even bear to go five steps without missing him like a stolen heartbeat.

He had told and taught Sykkuno to aim high. This was his highest aim in this regard, and Toast was proud of him.

In a roundabout way, Sykkuno was everything Toast desired of a muted evening spent with each other, but he had given even more of himself that Toast couldn’t help getting roped in the brutal, vengeful game they were playing right now. He knew that Sykkuno was aware of all of his soft spots for him, all the gentleness and wishes of keeping him close in bed as they ignored the rise and fall of the sun; too enraptured and enthralled with each other to even bother with the world. It wasn’t exactly something as exhilarating as what they were- ah, performing right now, as Ryan had said. But it wasn’t something normal either. He didn’t think they would settle for something less than the bare feelings without the edges of their ribs to hurt each other.

This was the peak of him completely loving someone; in the way that he was so easily wrapped around Sykkuno’s fingers just like how he was kneeling under Toast so beautifully, in the way he let and trust Sykkuno to find his way to him despite numerous obstacles they created for each other, in the way that he let Sykkuno loved so freely and unabashedly. Be it Corpse, or whoever he wanted to impart his affection with, Toast was content in his knowledge that none of them would ever come close to him. Sykkuno could end up marrying someone else the next day, and still Toast knew that his throne would be immovable. Sykkuno loved him too much to ever erase Toast from his heart.

Someone on the TV laughed way too hard, way too forced. Toast wanted to laugh at them, at himself, too. It really was a wonder how he could let himself be so tangled in something as complicatedly simple as this. His life was much, much easier when the only thing he had to worry about was the future of his job, his father, his relationship with someone so effortlessly easy to love like Janet. But he was confident enough in securing his future, had maniacally made too many backups in case things went south; his father was more or less alright, and Toast had taken a long time to accept the inevitable end of his sickness, hard as it was; he and Janet had decided that they weren’t compatible in their goal in the long run. Sure, life was a little bit harder without her by his side. He had loved her, and she was someone he respected in her own regards. But Toast didn’t strive and survive this long just to let himself fall like that.

Sykkuno was just someone different. He couldn’t compare him with anyone Toast had ever loved in his life. The feelings they shared between them was just purely unhinged in the viciousness of their tendrils, spreading like wildfire in his veins and refusing to let go even when he had let Sykkuno go. It was the time when Corpse went in and swept Sykkuno in his veiny arms. Oh, he had seen those pictures alright, and he knew that Sykkuno had blushed so prettily when he saw them.

It was pretty hilarious, the way that Sykkuno realized that he might be swayed by this gentle person with a thousand of baggage and too many skeletons in his closet; the way that Toast realized that he wasn’t done yet with Sykkuno, that the tendrils were still strongly wrapped around their hearts and minds. The game had become a death match from then on.

“Again?!” Rae had screamed when she found out about Toast and Sykkuno starting their lethal dance around each other all over again. “Seriously, Toast. If this ever going to be unhealthy, I’m revoking yours and Sykkuno’s license to this mad mating calls.”

He had laughed pretty hard at that. Yeah, mating call was right. Maybe because they had been so unrestrainedly wild in their wide-eyed wonder of discovering each other for the umpteenth time, and there was a lot of mating involved in the process. But Toast had known unhealthy, and he thought that Sykkuno was too painfully familiar with that concept that he already knew his limits. Even before he was as enchanted to this headache-inducing enigma, they were the closest of friends first and foremost still. No matter how many times they wrecked each other in the sheets, Toast had always exercised precaution of never hurting Sykkuno that way, and he knew that Sykkuno also did the same. Maybe even more, since he had been hurt too much, and was trying his best not to let them dissolve into the abyss without befriending the darkness first.

Oh, he was hopelessly, irrevocably in love, alright. So different than the first time they played this game, when he had snapped and finally bared his fangs in their sharp, poisonous gleam. It had taken a long time to take a shine to Sykkuno’s softer side, even longer still to be able to want it enough for his own vulnerable side to twine into the desire. Back then, he had trusted Sykkuno unfailingly in his ability and willingness to catch and accept Toast in his entirety—the way that he would unquestioningly do the same. But this was something even more dangerous because the prize was their hearts with blood dripping still.

He was getting dramatic, but it certainly felt like they were going to reach their endgame soon.

But not yet, pretty darling, he thought with an indulging smile on his lips. Exhaust your entire arsenal, so we can each take what we need, and rebuild everything from the ashes of the bones we set on fire.

Sykkuno had taken one look at the fishnet, and looked at Toast like he wanted to set him on fire.

“Are you trying to marry me off to Corpse?” he asked, voice soft but his tone just fell flat. “You wanted to get rid of me that badly, Jeremy?”

Ryan had laughed his ass off when Toast came again two weeks afterwards with a package of outrageously sensual nurse outfit in hand. Aside from this physical interaction that just screamed off their sexual tension in the air, Toast and Sykkuno had been admirably normal in their streams. Nothing out of ordinary, not even the smallest of words or slip of tone. It was even more amazing to watch now that Ryan had a direct comparison to ponder with.

“Think of it as an early wedding gift,” Toast had replied, so effortlessly easy in managing their confusing open-ended relationship.

Ryan had seen the genuine affection in Sykkuno’s eyes when he talked about Corpse. When they ate their takeouts at two in the morning, and Sykkuno told him about the messages he received when he wasn’t feeling good. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend how it worked on Toast’s end.

“Did Brodin buy it, or did you buy it because you heard the suggestion from him?” Sykkuno asked, tracing his hand on the second rate materials.

Sykkuno had never stuttered when they were together like this. It was like breathing in the same air as Toast did had emboldened him to the point of erecting his confidence. Ryan liked Sykkuno with his painfully guarded body languages, and his stutters and stammers as he tried to put his words into a proper sentence. But this version of Sykkuno was also nice to see. It was like he filled out the shadows that Toast left, and stood stronger still in them with his own shine.

It was also nice to understand the implication that they were so comfortable and trusting in each other, that they allowed him to stay and witness it.

“It’s from Brodin,” Toast said. “But I thought, why not bring it over and fuck you in that skimpy dress?”

If Ryan wasn’t so experienced in dealing with various shits in his life, he might have choked into his celery. But it was something so ordinary nowadays that he didn’t have the time to spare the proper decency for this kind of situation.

Sykkuno smiled at the suggestion, and took his mug out of Toast’s hand with practiced ease. “So it’s really not for my wedding with Corpse? Shame.”

“I was thinking about sending pictures,” Toast nodded along, pretending to ponder on it. “But we can send the sex tape too, if that’s what you wanted.”

At least Sykkuno didn’t completely lose his ability to blush with Toast around. “Jesus, Toast!”

Toast shrugged and let Sykkuno kept the mug filled with tea close to his chest like a shield. “What? He’s twenty-four Sykkuno. If he’s old enough to make songs about fucking someone, then he’s old enough to see a recording of you fucking someone else.”

Sykkuno sighed into his tea, and winced at the excessive sugar. He quickly pushed it back to Toast’s direction. “Yeah, well, when you worded it like that…”

“It’s not like he doesn’t know about us,” Toast sighed too.

Ryan perked up at that. “Oh?” he said around a mouthful of carrot sticks. “Corpse knew?”

“He has more than an inkling, so to speak,” Sykkuno smiled at him, dismayed and endeared at the same time. “Corpse wants an actual, functioning relationship. He doesn’t think that he can give me what I need right now. So he said that he will wait until Toast and I are done with- uh, our thing.”

“Wait,” Toast said, looking as surprised as Ryan felt. That was a first. “You never really told me about what he said. He’s actually going to wait?”

Sykkuno sighed again, and folded the nurse outfit haphazardly. “Toast, he loves me,” he said, as if it explained enough. Maybe it did. “Of course he will.”

“What if you’re not going to be done with Toast for a long time?” Ryan asked. It wasn’t like he was backing off his words of staying out of their business. But this was another party involved about something as serious as a long term relationship.

“Then he will still love me, and maybe let someone else in if he ever wanted to.” Sykkuno shoved the bundle of costume into the bag, and he looked like they were talking about something as mundane as the weather and traffic outside instead of someone’s feelings.

Toast’s smile was laced with sincerity and something dangerous all at once. “You’re so cruel, Sykkuno.”

“Aside from the fact that Corpse and I are completely open about this,” he said around a mouthful of velvety, poisonous smile, “thanks. I learned from the best.”

When the air around them was suddenly charged with the electricity of tension between the two males, Ryan took that as his cue to leave the room. Even if the nurse outfit had been folded so disastrously and was safely zipped in the bag, it didn’t mean that they wouldn’t go at each other right then and there. He felt almost sad that he was going to be kicked out often from the rooms inside this house.

“Alright,” he said, taking his container of salad. “Don’t forget to clean the stains afterwards. I eat here too, you know.”

“You’re too nice, Ryan,” Sykkuno said, looking at him with something that was almost a remorse. Almost.

“Yeah,” he sighed miserably. “I am.”

He wasn’t even out of the kitchen yet before Sykkuno had climbed onto Toast’s lap. “The table, or the sink?” he heard Toast asked.

“Table,” Sykkuno decided. “But get your filthy hands off my mug first, Toast.”

Ryan hightailed it out of the war zone, and felt almost relieved when he reached his room in time for a loud bang of a chair falling to the ground. Poor mug, poor kitchen chair, poor kitchen appliances that had to witness the two of them fucking each other like they weren’t so helplessly in love. He wondered if Corpse knew, that he didn’t stand a chance in the first place beyond the slow affection and soft caresses that Sykkuno could offer for him. Ryan had seen the way Toast and Sykkuno looked and moved around each other, and had understood immediately that they were too far gone to even come up for air.

But maybe Corpse understood, too, and was still enthralled by Sykkuno all the same. Love worked in the strangest way, after all. As long as they understood the risks they were taking, as long as all parties involved understood completely the gravity of the situation, then Ryan saw no need for him to intervene. If he had any right to intervene in the first place. It was just—people acted weird around Sykkuno, and he charmed people left and right in a completely different way as Toast, but it was still familiar enough to see traces of him in it. Ryan thought that the only intervention that could wake them up was heartbreak.

After some time, he texted Sykkuno. ‘Hey, is it safe yet to come out of my basement?’

‘This is Toast.’ The first text said. ‘He’s asleep. We’re just watching TV in the living room.’

When he came out, Toast was scrolling through Sykkuno’s chat history with a slow smile on his face. Like he was finding the texts hilarious. Maybe he was laughing at people, a lot of them. He wouldn’t cross it off the board yet; he had just found out recently that both Toast and Sykkuno had a mean streak a mile wide when it concerned each other. Maybe the act could be seen as an intrusion of privacy, but Toast hadn’t even known about what Corpse had said regarding the unconventional relationship that they had. He wouldn’t do that without express permission from Sykkuno—heck, it was even more possible that Sykkuno was the one who wanted to show him in the first place.

“Was he trying to flaunt by showing you the texts?” he asked, just to confirm.

“Right on my face,” Toast answered, fingers running through Sykkuno’s hair, pressing side by side with Sykkuno’s head pillowed comfortably on the crook of his neck.

“Cool,” he said, and joined them on the couch.

Toast was someone nice to talk to. He had his own fair share of experience in work and everything else, and he had a great sense of humor—if a little unhinged. But then again, Ryan thought with a hidden smile on his lips as Sykkuno snuffled and Toast obligingly shifted their position so he was comfortable again, every single one of them were. It was a little bit of a needed requirement in their work. Handling so many people, so many attention, so many risks could do that to someone. They were unhinged in their own little ways, and he was comfortable in the fact that these two were the most sincere, mental friends he had had the pleasure of knowing.

It was definitely not something they wanted to share with anyone who wouldn’t understand even the outer part of it, let alone the inner part where all of those insanity and devotion ran rampage. But at the very least, in this house with only two people to liven it up, they could have a place to let go. He was a sentimental bloke, but aside from that, he could appreciate and respect their decisions and honesty, even if he didn’t completely understand the whole story. It wasn’t his to know, wasn’t anyone’s to discover for that matter; it was theirs and theirs alone to share in the simple closeness of sharing a mug, and the fury in Sykkuno’s eyes even as he kissed Toast like his life depended on it.

Ryan changed the channel into another one. Toast and he had had too many laughs from the telenovela about some suburban drama, where the wife of the contractor from block E was going to cheat with the plumber and Toast remarked how the wife was so dull in her beauty. He had spouted off some exaggeratingly dramatic tirade about how, just maybe, she was finding something that could make her heart beat in exhilaration, in something so exciting out of her dull routine of being a housewife and waiting for her husband to come home. Maybe she felt the fleeting happiness of being tangled in a forbidden fornication with a man she wasn’t wedded with. Maybe she tasted the bravery in his tongue, how something so wrong could feel so right.

Ryan had followed along, and they soon were arguing whether the husband should find another mistress to even up the footing, of just straight up having his own affair with the same plumber. That certainly would make the boring storyline livelier.

Sykkuno was awake in the middle of it, but he was still sleepy and had taken to play with the buttons of Toast’s shirt as they talked. He looked fragile like that; small and curled up against Toast’s larger build. Oh, Sykkuno could definitely punch someone in the face until he left a marvelous bruise, alright. Even if he would soften the blow with too many apologies and a complete hospital bill paid afterwards. But in this moment, he had decided to be comfortable in his vulnerability. Maybe because Toast was there and Sykkuno truly had no inhibitions whatsoever whenever they were within close proximity; maybe because Toast was terrifyingly protective of this side of Sykkuno that didn’t involve anger and desires simmering low under his skin.

Ryan was just a guy who happened to live here and witness this sickeningly sweet display of trust. Smile and wave, boys.

“Do you really have to go?” Sykkuno mumbled into Toast’s shirt. They were standing by the door, Toast’s car key gripped loosely in his palm that wasn’t rubbing gently on Sykkuno’s back.

“I have work, if you remembered,” he said.

Sykkuno sighed and kissed him softly on the cheek. “I feel like a mistress.”

“Are you suggesting I marry someone to make it more authentic?” Toast asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You can try,” Sykkuno said, and there went the soft, muted, affectionate time they had.

“I certainly can,” Toast said, and leaned in to kiss him again, firmer this time. “We both know it’s an exercise in futile.”

“Good to know,” Sykkuno said, and pulled off from the embrace as Toast turned to the door. “But seriously, Toast. Stop using my mug.”

“I like seeing you irritated,” Toast called out, before the sound of engines were heard and he sped out to start the drive to L.A.

“I have to say,” Ryan started. “I’m glad you took a nap and spare me from the imagery of you in skimpy nurse outfit.”

Sykkuno laughed, back already to his gentle cadences and fidgety fingers. “Would I look really bad in it?”

Ryan thought about it. He shook his head. “No, but I won’t put it above Toast to terrorize me by wearing it just because I’ve seen you with too much bare skin.”

Sykkuno hid his smile beneath his fingers, and gave him a warm look afterwards. “He would.”

They had seen each other in various states of minimal clothing, but Toast was simultaneously laid back and possessive. There was no telling with the guy, honestly. One minute he was letting Sykkuno gallivanting around with a young man, the next he would be poking hot irons into people’s eyes for looking at Sykkuno’s hips the wrong way. Maybe it was the matter of which person he would allow to share Sykkuno with—or maybe it was him understanding enough to let Sykkuno choose which person he would allow himself to fall for. Corpse, apparently, had passed the tests with flying colors.

He didn’t know what actually would happen if Sykkuno did stay with Toast for too long, long enough for Corpse to step away from Sykkuno’s inevitable charm. He didn’t even know if the two of them would end up together. They could be tearing at each other in the morning, and pressed so close in the warmth of their gentle affection in the afternoon. It wasn’t his problem to worry about, however. He had said it before: he didn’t want to know. Didn’t mean that he didn’t care, regardless.

“We’re eating something healthy for tonight,” he said decisively.

“W-what, what? Why?” Sykkuno asked immediately, eyes wide and panicking.

“Sykkuno,” he sighed. “A guy can only endure so much of being a third wheel before he cracks. This is my revenge.”

Sykkuno’s laughter was bright and hidden behind his palm as it usually was whenever Toast wasn’t in the same room. Ryan gave him an easy smile and ordered their takeout with too many vegetable dish as the sides. Yeah, he thought, it wasn’t so bad to be a third wheel in a relationship that they had been so open and honest about with him. After all, it gave him further insights about his friends slash colleagues, and it certainly hardened his endurance under the onslaught of their shameless, intricate desires for each other.

Smile and wave, indeed.

Toast laughed out loud when the picture was fully loaded.

Scarra looked at him like he had just spontaneously sprouted a second head. It would be more believable than the actual reason why he was nearly breathless with laughter, however. Lily was completely unbothered, and was currently chiding Michael as he tried to taser her with a spoon this time. God knew what this twelve-year-old child did to be able to do that. Maybe this was the actual reason why everyone was leaving the house—they had had enough of being his lab rats.

Toast kept his smile intact as he looked at Sykkuno’s long legs in the fishnet. He looked incredibly good in the nurse outfit. It stretched across his shoulders, went straight at his tapered waist, and showed off the curve of his hips and thighs. Toast absolutely loved and hated it at the same time. Gods, he wanted to take a plane there just to rip it apart and fuck him in the mangled carcass of the fabrics. He’d keep the tiny nurse hat and the fishnet, as tokens of some sort. It was such a shame that Sykkuno didn’t own a pair of high heels to complete the look. Maybe he should buy him some of those later.

Dirty little darling, he thought fondly, visceral in his lust and nearly mindless worship of Sykkuno’s body. Yvonne was looking at him weird, but Brodin took a peek on the screen and nodded along. “Nice,” he said, and didn’t provide context for everyone else in the room.

‘Send it to Corpse,’ he typed rapidly. ‘Come on, pretty baby, I dare you.’

Sykkuno sent a screenshot of his chat with Corpse, with barrages of replies that were cut off from the screen. ‘Already did,’ he said. ‘Long before I sent it to you.’

He laughed again, nearly hysterical this time. This little shit truly had no end to his chaotic surprises. It was pleasantly entertaining to watch him fight with all his fangs bared and delicate fingers laced with poisons touching directly on Toast’s veins.

“Call the mental ward,” Michael had suggested gleefully.

“Michael,” Lily sighed, only because she knew that Michael would tag along for some meager taste of trouble.

‘You dirty, dirty child,’ he sent, feigning his chiding. ‘Whatever am I going to do with you?’

Sykkuno sent another picture, this one he was pretty sure he didn’t send along to Corpse. Maybe. It was a picture of Sykkuno with his legs spread wide, a hand holding one of his thighs up so Toast could see the gleam of his vibrator nestled between his asscheeks. He had bought that one in the spur of the moment. Happy Chinese New Year, he had written on the package. Rae had laughed and laughed, and then accused him of being a filthy pervert when she found out. What an outrageous claim.

With the picture, Sykkuno had written, ‘Come here and touch me yourself, and maybe I’ll start listening to you.’

He stood up and excused himself from the room. Sykkuno was a persistent problem in his life, and he had created bigger problems than what was necessary in the process, too. Their complicated relationship and his current boner were the prime examples. ‘Tempting,’ he replied with shaking hands. ‘But I’m going to pass this one. Already got you wrapped around my words since a long time ago, after all.’

That would piss Sykkuno off. Ever since he discovered that Sykkuno looked absolutely glorious in his wrath, it had been a continual motivation for him to anger him even more. In return, Sykkuno allow himself the perpetual lack of control over his emotions and just went full throttle with all of his fury. Toast would accept that, completely, without reservation. He would always catch Sykkuno, even with his wings burning and the wax falling off of each feather.

What he got was a call. He smiled and settled himself comfortably on his bed, before swiping on the reject button.

‘I’ll wait exactly two hours,’ it said on the text. Sykkuno could be demanding like this too, and Toast supposed he had no one to blame but himself. He didn’t even need to attach any threat, because the words were a menacing promise on their own. He opened the ticketing app, and ordered some expensive, on the go flight to Las Vegas. It was leaving in fifteen minutes, and Toast thought that he couldn’t have made it in time. He would try regardless.

‘Start the timer.’

•••

He arrived at the familiar house with barely five minutes left on the allotted time Sykkuno had given to him. He pushed incessantly at the door bell, and went straight past Ryan’s smiling face. “Ryan,” he greeted quickly.

Ryan gave him a quick once over. He was haphazardly dressed; he barely even remembered to bring his wallet and phone. He was flushed from running, and there was a certain glint in his eyes that he knew was bared so clearly for everyone to see.

Ryan nodded decidedly and said, “I need a suggestion. Do I crank up the music, or do I just hang out somewhere, alone, like a loser kicked out of his own house because his roommate is about to bang, loudly mind you, for the fifth time this month alone?”

“Ryan,” he said with a hysteric laughter, “we only need one masochist in this house. Go hang out and relax; I’ll make it up to you later.”

“Right,” he nodded again, and turned to grab his belongings he would need in the hours Toast would spend fucking Sykkuno into the mattress, his desk, his wall, the fucking bathroom if he had to. He vaguely heard the man whispering something about ‘smile and wave, boys’, and would probably laugh at it if he weren’t hunted down by time. He knocked loudly on Sykkuno’s door, before realizing that it was unlocked. He nearly seethed, and barely had his temper in check as he barged into the room, locking it behind his back. There was only one person in this house aside from Sykkuno, and he knew perfectly that Ryan wasn’t someone he should worry about. But the thought of this pretty, filthy darling being so vulnerable, and not locking his door made something tick and snap inside of him.

He sucked in a harsh breath when he turned and Sykkuno was looking at him with desperation and something sharp and threatening in his eyes. He was going to be mauled into unrecognizable pieces, and Toast reveled in the certainty of Sykkuno’s promises.

Sykkuno was panting, the sheets ruined already between his fingers. The vibrator was buzzing faintly and the man was sweating from keeping his orgasm at bay for more than two hours. His little nurse dress was nearly see through by this point; his nipples hardening and apparent through the flimsy fabric.

“You-“ Sykkuno started, and cut himself off with a moan that he muffled behind his palm. His lips were bitten red and swollen. He must have been biting on them to keep himself from moaning out loud and scarring Ryan for life. “You’re l-late.”

Toast checked his phone, before dropping it along the heap of his pants and his shirt. In his haste, he didn’t even think about bringing a jacket. In this moment, he was glad he didn’t. Would have been more hassle to go through when he was trying as fast as he could to get rid of any garments covering his body, to press their skin flush together.

“By two minutes,” he deflected, and stalked to the bed with hunger and desires dripping from the lines of his face.

“Toast—“ Sykkuno moaned out, “just- just shut up and fuck me already, please.”

How could he resist when Sykkuno was already shivering from pleasure that bordered so close to pain from his hypersensitivity, to the point that he was willing to let a curse word out of his pretty lips? How could he ever resist him anything, really?

He spread the long, toned legs covered in fishnet, and noticed that the middle part was already torn. He pulled out the vibrator none to gently, and set it aside on the bed. Sykkuno arched his back, a hand shot out to reach for him, and Toast clasped it in his. He was almost frantical in his haste to soothe the pain, to give him what he needed. “Sykkuno,” he said, urgency in his voice. “Condoms.”

At that, Sykkuno lunged and kissed him with teeth and clawing touches to the sides of his neck. He really wasn’t going to get out of this with any part of him intact; he intended to do the same to Sykkuno.

“What is the difference, Toast?” he growled out, and Sykkuno, even in his entirety of him, was seldom so completely lost in control like this. It made Toast’s blood sing in his veins. This man really was going to be the death of him, Jesus fucking Christ. “Just get your dick in me alre—“

As hot as he sounded like with his feral growl out in the open air, Toast was also on the verge of insanity. He grabbed Sykkuno’s hips, and pushed inside unceremoniously; unforgivingly aiming for places Sykkuno favored the most, and setting a ruthless pace since the get go. His anger melted away in favor of beautiful, melodious screams that echoed off the wall and, really, it wouldn’t matter how high Ryan set the volume. Sykkuno knew that he was loud, and filthy when he was in bed, and since he chose not to hide anything from Toast, he had never held back either. He didn’t think it would be too pleasant in the ears of their mutual friend if he were still here.

Sykkuno had been strung too tight from the long wait that it really didn’t come as a surprise when he came so soon. His moans and pleads trailed off into a sob as Toast fucked him through the orgasm, so close after the tease since the start. He grabbed a fistful of Sykkuno’s hair, and pulled tight, tighter still as he continued to fuck into him, thrust after brutal thrust like he was trying to make up for all the time they were apart, separated by the distance of different cities. He had snapped at the taxi driver to get him to the house as fast as possible and apologized afterwards, saying that he was in a hurry. He had given the driver too many extra tips for his consideration.

Long, delicate fingers framed his face gently as he was pulled in for a soft kiss; just slides of lips that bellied the harshness of his movements. When he was so close, too close, Sykkuno whispered against his lips. “Just let go, Jeremy.”

He came with a guttural moan that felt like it had been ripped straight through his lungs; coming in waves inside the warm, willing body under him. Sykkuno continued to kiss him as he rode the high, coming down to soft words and whispered promises voiced out in his gentle, hoarse voice. There was still too much that he wanted to do, but for now, he held Sykkuno close, letting him bear his weight as Toast leaned into him completely.

“You- you actually came,” Sykkuno laughed, disbelief coloring his words. “Jesus, Toast, you’re crazy.”

He panted and laughed next to his ears, smiling when he felt the man shuddered. “I have approximately half a brain cell left, which one are you talking about?”

“The flight, you bumbling idiot,” Sykkuno said fondly. “And I wonder why it takes you so long to admit defeat.”

He sighed and propped himself up on his arms. “Sykkuno, we’re horny, not high. Cease the illusion right now.”

“What’s the difference?” Sykkuno repeated his words from a moment ago, with less heat, less vicious. “You’re heavy.”

“Shut up,” he barked out without too much bite. “I snapped at taxi drivers and ran like a madman to the plane. I ran a lot more afterwards too. I deserve some rest, you little, teasing bastard.”

Sykkuno hummed and carded his fingers through his sweaty bangs. “Toast, you’re literally shorter than me by a few inches.”

There really was no stopping when it came to this guy. Toast dropped his head back to where it belonged on Sykkuno’s shoulder and grumbled. “Good thing my cock is not, because that seems to be the only thing that can shut you up.”

The answering laughter was familiar, easy; the hiccupping, unrestrained laughter he usually heard through his headphones. “Jesus, Toast.”

Het let Sykkuno take a breath, and kissed the side of his neck, sucking and leaving faint marks along the way. He’d give him something that’d last for days later, something he would need to cover up every single day. Something that would make him remember that Toast had come at his beck and call just because the cut of his cheekbones were enough to reduce him into an idiot with too much devotion.

“What did Corpse say about it?” he asked as he made his way down.

Sykkuno reached over to the nightstand and tapped away a few times before shoving the phone to Toast’s hand, closing his eyes already on the fingers ghosting over his chest, thumbing his nipple with swift flicks. Toast took it and saw gibberish, a lot of genuine praises, and a question: ‘Wait, is this some sort of weird foreplay between you and Toast?’

He smirked as he put the phone back; maybe Corpse still had his chance yet. He leaned down to kiss Sykkuno slowly, tongues in a lazy tangle as his hands touched and caressed every single inch of his skin. Sykkuno’s hand went to the back of his thigh, squeezing the muscle and flesh under strong fingers that looked so delicate in the broad daylight.

“On your knees, Sykkuno,” he said lowly, heat already gathering at the bottom of his stomach.

Toast reached over to the third drawer where he knew Sykkuno kept his lubes, condoms, and a box of his toys. He had bought more than the half of them, and was fairly familiar with the rest. He didn’t think he was in the mood for something more intricate tonight, however. No matter how tempting it was to land the paddle on his ass, his thighs, Toast didn’t think he could handle the intensity and the inevitable crash afterwards. Sykkuno felt a little too much with his sensitivity and emotional feelings at play; Toast didn’t want to give him a half-hearted aftercare because he wasn’t in the right physical and emotional mindset. It took Toast a long time to properly learn it. Where to strike, with how much force, which part to avoid, how to use and take care of the tools, and how to proceed with the aftercare. He was familiar with some of the faces in a little BDSM club three streets away from the house in L.A., where he learned that he had a knack for it as well as the fact that despite his words, Toast was so obviously weak to everything Sykkuno wanted.

So he took the lube, and closed the drawer, keeping in mind to find the right time for later. He turned back to Sykkuno, and heaved in a deep, shuddering breath. It wasn’t like they were new at this. Fuck, they had been doing this for more than a year now, and still the sight of Sykkuno, so intimately physical like this, made Toast breathless with want and wonder. He thought it might just become impossible to actually stop the feeling of being punched in the gut every time he looked at the strong set of Sykkuno’s shoulders, the curving line of his spine, the swell of his ass, the back of his thighs, when he was on his knees. Or when they were doing anything, anywhere, really.

Sykkuno was right; why did it take him so long to just admit defeat? This wasn’t even the matter of beating each other anymore as they were burning out the last line of their sanity. With how much Sykkuno let himself to be seen, how completely he succumbed to Toast; with how much Toast had relented and couldn’t keep his mind, his hands away from him, keep coming back to a house four-hour drive away from where he lived just to see this man with his soft smiles and softer heart. It really was a question neither of them was willing to answer, that they enjoyed the thrill a little too much despite knowing the certain end. Oh, it would end in heartbreak, alright—even now completely his, right in his arms, Sykkuno still broke Toast’s heart just by the sheer existence of him and the way his lashes was wet and heavy from tears, so pretty against his skin.

He poured the lube between his fingers, warming it up before slathering the quivering hole with it, teasing the opening with soft, probing touches. He poured more, and started slow with a finger. His tone was conversational, and Toast was experienced enough in this to keep the inflection of his voice calm and soft. “Never thought you’d send me that in the broad daylight,” he said.

There was a smile in Sykkuno’s voice when he answered. “Me neither.”

He hummed, finger curving and pressing on various spots that made Sykkuno hung his head lower. They knew each other’s bodies completely by now; every erogenous zone, places they didn’t really handle well to the touch, every way to turn their minds into a complete mess. “Did you really want my attention that much, Sykkuno?”

He teased the second finger on the opening; once, twice inserting the tip before pulling out and continuing his leisure pace with the sole finger. He knew Sykkuno was biting out his moans. He was loose and tender already from hours of taking up the vibrator. Toast did this just to be cruel, honestly.

“You- you know I do, Toast,” Sykkuno answered, gritting his teeth and gripping the sheets as he pushed back involuntarily.

Toast stilled his finger completely, caressing the sweat-damp skin on his thigh from where the skirt had ridden so high it was barely there at all. Sykkuno whined in frustration, but kept his hips in place. Toast rewarded him with a particularly vicious twist of his finger, and enjoyed the arch of his back as he gasped out his breaths and moans.

“From Corpse, too?” he asked. It was a formality, and they both knew it. It was still fun to hear what kind of answer Sykkuno would come up with, however. He was extremely good at riling Toast up with his words.

“Maybe even more so,” Sykkuno breathed out.

He didn’t look over to where Toast was, but he could feel the shit-eating smile from his voice. Toast shook his head even as a wide grin overcame his face. Yeah, he thought so. He added another finger to reward the entertainment, and Sykkuno quivered from the sensation after the slow, torturous touch of one finger only.

“That so?” he asked, rhetoric that he was sure Sykkuno could find an answer to. “Is that why you didn’t lock the door, pretty baby? You wanted him to walk into the sight of you—a desperate, filthy mess on the bed? He lives nearby, doesn’t he? Did you give me two hours because you wanted more time to fuck him, and let me get the sloppy second?”

Sykkuno whined high on his throat, head completely down to lean against the mattress. His muscles were strained in his efforts of holding his hips from thrusting back again. Toast was ruthless enough to stop and start the process all over again, for hours on end. He knew; they had done this before.

“Come on, darling, answer me,” he said, thumbing gently on the jut of Sykkuno’s hip. “Would you let him do that?”

In this moment, Sykkuno could answer however he wanted, and it would still be the right one. Toast would let him because he was helplessly in love like that, but he would fuck Sykkuno until he was a begging, mindless mess on the sheets because he was vicious in that regards too. Either way, it all boiled down to Sykkuno getting what he wanted. Again, and again.

He was pleasantly surprised when Sykkuno turned to look at him; his previous promises gleaming like a sharp blade in his eyes, words setting Toast’s desire on inescapable inferno. “No,” he said; sure, measured. “Just you, Toast.”

He gave Sykkuno a wicked grin, and felt exhilaration when he got an answering grin back. He added the third finger because this filthy darling was still so unbelievably, hilariously persistent in his ambitions. Toast would set the world on fire for him, and then let them burn to nothing but a husk in the aftermath.

“You’re an exceptionally cruel, little fae,” he said, still so slow, still so languid in thrusting his fingers. “If only they knew. It would save them a whole lot of heartbreaks.”

“If only,” Sykkuno agreed.

Toast fucked him with his fingers like that, minutes ticking longer as Sykkuno whimpered and bit the sheets from the pleasure that he couldn’t do anything about. He didn’t say that he couldn’t touch himself, but they truly only needed one masochist in this house, and he knew that Toast would appreciate the sentiment.

Sykkuno didn’t need to beg, didn’t need to moan out his pleads. He knew that he just had to endure until Toast was satisfied. What a smart little shit, Toast thought fondly. He understood exactly from experience of what Toast wanted and needed. He leaned down to kiss the dip of his spine, alternating between gentle kisses and harsh bites that made Sykkuno scream a little more, a little louder each time. When he reached Sykkuno’s ears, he kissed the shell so gently, so soft in his mockery, in his sincerity.

“Do you love me, Sykkuno?” he asked, knowing the answer and still so helplessly hopeful.

Sykkuno’s hand reached up to tangle into Toast’s hair, kissing him sideway with soft lips and too much honesty. “I do.”

Toast pulled out his fingers so he could coax Sykkuno to turn onto his back, kissing him slow and sure; trusting his words and feeling like he could trample the world with this man’s love burning on his back. Like the sun melting away Icarus’ wings despite the attraction and simplistic magnetism they held for each other. He let himself believe that it was alright to be burned, that it was alright to sink into the bottom of the ocean because Sykkuno would never leave unless Toast truly desired so.

He never wanted to let go.

“Just a little bit more,” he whispered against lips wet from saliva and tears. “Let’s dance a little bit longer, sweetheart.”

The fabric of the flimsy dress tore so easily under his grip. Sykkuno gasped and laughed and kissed Toast with fervor and wonder in his eyes. “What am I going to wear this Halloween, Jeremy? You ruined my only costume.”

He caressed and pinched the pebbled nipples between his fingers, swallowing Sykkuno’s moan into his lungs. “I’ll buy you something else.”

“Something outrageous,” Sykkuno guessed correctly.

“Indeed,” Toast said, and gave him one last peck on the lips, kissing the defined line of his jaw, down to his throat, to his chest. He licked on the hardened nub, letting Sykkuno gripped his hair to his roots. He sucked and bit at each one until he knew Sykkuno was properly sensitive there too, continuing his path down to his navel, his unshaven pubic hair, to his dripping cock.

Toast swallowed him whole, feeling Sykkuno’s legs curling around his shoulders and gently rubbed the underside of his thigh as an encouragement to rut into his mouth. Sykkuno’s hand on his head prevented him from moving, taking the shallow thrusts that slowly gained speed until he was thrusting with abandon. He slipped a hand to grip and squeeze on his own cock, in tandem with Sykkuno.

When Sykkuno was getting more frantic, Toast slipped three fingers inside of him and kept the harsh pace until he was coming down his throat; bitter and musky and something so familiar. When he was sure that the last spurt had come out, he pulled off slowly and kissed Sykkuno, licking his own taste into his mouth. Sykkuno hated the taste of semen, though he was used to the smell. But he was so used in his adamancy to please Toast that he didn’t think about it anymore whenever he swallowed cum from either of them.

“Hang onto something,” Toast said in a low voice, husky and wrecked. “And, do scream, Sykkuno.”

Sykkuno held the headboard tight between his fingers as Toast fucked him like he was trying to fuck all of his frustration, affection, love, promises and every single part of him that he wanted Sykkuno to know, to see, to own. He did what he was told, screaming so beautifully as Toast wrecked him with controlled recklessness—a predator with blood on his fangs, and feeling terribly, genuinely gratified that Sykkuno was not a prey. Had never been one in Toast’s arms.

“Jeremy—“ he called out between gasps. It must have been too much, but he could endure, he would endure this for Toast. “Jeremy, please, fu—harder.”

Toast laughed, guttural and visceral as he bit and sucked on Sykkuno’s neck, his shoulders, his chest. He fucked into him with everything he had; relishing in the cries it earned him with each thrust. The bed was creaking loudly and Toast thought that it, compared to everything else, was the dirtiest sound they could make in this room. His chest was burning, he gasped for air, straight into the kiss that Sykkuno surged up to give.

He was aching, everywhere; his thighs, his back, his arms, his hips, his heart. But Sykkuno was still unfailingly enduring beneath him, still so unfairly beautiful in his arms, still so unbelievably his—through and through.

Soon, Toast promised. We can still dance, can’t we? Even with bleeding feet and broken bones, let’s dance away until this madness envelope us completely. Won’t we look so beautiful in this chaos?

Toast came with a harsh bite to Sykkuno’s arm, sinking his teeth until Sykkuno cried out and growled at him, gripping the back of Toast’s neck and keeping him there throughout the orgasm. He felt weak, he felt empowered and so, so heartbroken by this beautiful boy with his love and glorious insanity in taking what he wanted just because Toast had taught him to the finer points of it. Oh, but how gratifying it was to be broken by him.

He felt the soft pats on his head, fluttering kisses on his temple as he regained his breath. Just as he was about to say something, it delved into a surprised groan when Sykkuno bit on his shoulder, unexpectedly hard and insistent on breaking skin.

“Ow!” he cried out. “What—what the fuck, Sykkuno?!”

Sykkuno pulled away, a little bit of blood on his teeth. He scrunched his face unhappily. “Blood tastes icky.”

Toast laughed; free, endeared. “Who the fuck says icky nowadays? You’re almost thirty, for fuck’s sake.”

“We’re Asian,” Sykkuno said. “We’re cursed with good genetics.”

“I’m Canadian,” Toast said, just because he liked messing with him. “That’s not the point, baby. You have a potty mouth hidden down there, stop saying disgusting things like ‘icky’. You’re not a toddler.”

“You literally just called me baby!” Sykkuno accused, face scandalized and trying very hard not to laugh.

Toast pulled out suddenly as retaliation, and watched in vengeful glee as Sykkuno’s complaint was cut short in a silent moan. Though he also had to sigh and hold himself back from persuading Sykkuno into another round. He might want to, but they were sticky and Toast did have his refractory period. Sykkuno was dripping wet down there, and Toast’s dick gave a weak jump at the sight. He kissed him softly and got up to get some wipes instead.

They got rid of the tattered costume, along with the fishnet. Sykkuno kept the hat, however. “As a token, or something, you know?” and Toast didn’t explain why he laughed suddenly at that. He deposited a boneless Sykkuno on his chair, and changed the sheets with a new one. The smell of sex and semen was still in the air, but it was better to sleep on dry, clean sheets. The last one was completely ruined.

Toast felt that the exhaustion finally caught up to him, and drew Sykkuno close in his arms. “Text Ryan,” he said, before settling against Sykkuno’s chest and breathing in the familiar scent of his detergent, the softness of his shirt. He peeked from the bottom of the screen. ‘The basement is safe now,’ Sykkuno had typed in. That joke was going strong in this house, it seemed.

“Toast,” Sykkuno called out a moment later. “Can you stay the night?”

“And where will I stream later?” he asked, even if he had already made some excuses to feed to the audience in his head.

“You can use my computer,” was the expected answer. “I’m not streaming tonight, anyway. I can postpone the grinding for some other day.”

Toast pulled back a little to properly look at him. “That’s quite a bold move, Sykkuno,” he said, drawling out the name like an affectionate mockery.

Sykkuno looked pretty, looked tired and determined all at once; he looked in control. “This is the right time to be bold, isn’t it right, Toast?”

Toast didn’t break the contact, looking at Sykkuno with the same intense scrutiny he had given him since the first time around. Sykkuno didn’t waver, didn’t so much as quiver under his sharp gaze. They were on the last few stages of this game, and Sykkuno was wrapping up the match with his finishing moves. Toast nodded, and prepared his as well.

“Yeah,” he said, low and acknowledging. “It is.”

Sykkuno’s eyes gentled and Toast took it as a cue to kiss him softly on the lips, before snoring away his exhaustion. There was no way in hell people wouldn’t speculate, both the audience and fellow streamers. Especially people closest to them. Scarra might have a clue or two about what Toast had planned, but he didn’t think that he would have the energy to deal with all the incessant questions from anyone else. He had to, however—this pretty, dirty darling was too much to let go.

Maybe he really would get around buying his own mug, as Sykkuno had been complaining about for the past few months already. He would, but he would still use his mug just because he liked seeing Sykkuno irked up and grumpy. He didn’t think he would mind terribly, in all honesty. It was just one more thing in Sykkuno’s life with traces of Toast in it. Just like his body, his conviction, his mind, his heart—the way he stood with precarious balance on the edge; the way he enchanted and gently took Toast’s hand, taking him away from the ship, and into the murky, comforting depth of the ocean.

When Ryan went back, the house was silent. Toast’s shoes were still there however, and it raised an eyebrow on his forehead. Toast would typically stay the night if he came late in the evening, and would be back to L.A. by the morning. He had come with wild eyes and tension coiling tight on his shoulders when he came this afternoon, however. Ryan thought that maybe something had shifted in the electrifying stalemate they were holding right now. Maybe it had already been shifting since the first time Toast had visited alone.

If he recalled correctly, Toast had a stream later on. Maybe he’d take a plane back, the way he evidently did when he came. He laughed to himself as he thought about how exciting these people’s lives were; to actually see someone who went on a flight just to see the person he was wrapped up with the most, without thinking about anything else in the process. As if neither Toast nor Sykkuno could wait for four more hours, or to wait for any other day, honestly.

It wasn’t his business, but Ryan was still pretty amused by it. It was like seeing a drama, in real life, with real people, and real consequences. He didn’t think that they thought they were immune to consequences, that they were infallible. There would be a lot that they have to suffer through, but there could be a lot more that they have anticipated and braced for.

He had his own schedule pretty soon. He wouldn’t have heard Toast when he went back, but that was alright. Toast still owed him some food or whatever to make up for kicking him out of the house, instead of the rooms today. He’d probably be back by the end of this week, or the next. He had come more and more frequently since the first time, and Ryan got so used to the sight of Sykkuno relaxed and astoundingly vicious in Toast’s presence. He was pretty fun that way, too.

They probably fucked, napped, talked, and Toast might just slip out of the door when Ryan was distracted by his stream for him to notice. So, really, there was no one to blame but himself when he nearly choked on his water when he opened a new tab, and saw Toast’s face streaming from somewhere that was clearly not his room, but was familiar enough that anyone could guess where he was right now.

Ryan quickly covered up the slip, and said something about getting some snacks. He muted the microphone, went out of the cam’s range, and laughed pretty hard as he crouched on the floor. Toast didn’t go back to L.A.; he was still here, streaming from Sykkuno’s computer, staying the night and he wondered what had happened today.

Right, he didn’t want to know.

He stood up and went to the kitchen, because yeah, why not actually grab something to munch. Sykkuno was already there, sitting with both feet hugged close to his chest. His mug was filled with tea, and a phone rested against it as Sykkuno watched the same stream Ryan had opened in his browser. He nodded his head as a greeting as soon as the man noticed him entering the room.

“Sorry about hogging the whole house,” Sykkuno said, smile soft and full of guilt. “Uh, I- I can buy dinner for the next week?”

Ryan smiled back at him, and took out some chips and two more water bottles. “Awesome, but don’t kick me out too often. I might just find myself a homeless man without me realizing it.”

Sykkuno laughed at that, his shoulders easing up and he leaned his head back on his knees as Toast threw out lame jokes left and right. “Yes,” Toast said, voice almost bored even if his eyes were teasing, “I’m in Sykkuno’s room, using his computer. Yes, I finally monopolize this infamous screen by myself.”

Ryan could imagine Toast’s fingers tapping away in slow rhythm as he talked. It was something that people would talk about, for one thing or another. Just the fact that Toast visited alone, and long enough for him to do his stream there, was a guarantee of hundreds, if not thousands of clips and threads on multiple platforms. He wasn’t done in surprising his audience, however.

“Hmm? Sykkuno?” Toast said, maybe he was checking his chat. “Probably in the kitchen, confiscating my phone.”

Sykkuno’s mouth was opened in a small circle, but he narrowed his eyes just a second after. A few moment, and he talked into the phone. “Wait, I’m not confiscating your phone,” he said to what appeared as a discord call. Ryan grinned, surprised and amused and maybe thinking that he was going to go insane from all of these imaginary acrobatics these two did in tearing each other down. “You- you gave it to me yourself—to pacify me, as you said.”

“How nice of you to join us, Sykkuno,” Toast calmly replied, amongst the surprised gasps and greetings in the group call. He had that mocking inflection in Sykkuno’s name again. By now Ryan was so used to it that it sounded more like a pet name or some sort. “Is it working, though? Are you pacified?”

“Maybe,” Sykkuno said, letting a drop of cold haughtiness in his voice the way he usually talked when Toast pissed him off. Ryan sighed and resigned himself with too many questions on his pm regarding his housemate, and too many recommendations in his YouTube regarding this incident. He had seen those ‘off-stream Sykkuno’ videos that people had raved about. If only they knew.

“Disappointing,” Toast answered. “Sadly I have to win this match first before I can go over there and pacify you myself. How does that sound?”

Sykkuno was laughing before he was even finished. Something familiar and soft, something that hid too many secrets and promises. The voice call was in a chaos from too many people speaking at once. Rae was screaming at them to stop flirting in the group voice call, for God’s sake! Have some decency!

Ryan had to admit that he would side with Rae this time around. Though he couldn’t deny that it was exactly as chaotic and entertaining as he thought if people were to find out about Toast and Sykkuno, one way or another. One tiny, microscopic hint and they lost their shits. Weaklings, he sighed. He remembered all the time the two of them were pressed so close, unrepentant in their search of each other’s reassuring presence; all the clatters and surfaces of this house that had probably been subjected to inappropriate use by them.

“Jesus, Toast,” Sykkuno said, laughter still ringing in the kitchen. “How long do I have to wait if you have to win it?”

There were answers of Sykkuno, you little shit, and ooh, feisty, and Ryan’s personal favorite: ‘Apply some ice for the burned area, Toast,’ because it came from Corpse’s low, raspy voice. Sykkuno laughed harder, and the noise was too much to discern who talked over whom anymore.

“Have a little faith, baby,” Toast said after the initial breakdown from Corpse’s sudden appearance had died down, setting up another one with the slip of endearment. It was intentional, Ryan could tell. “Have I ever let you down?”

Maybe Sykkuno would laugh again, treat it as a joke that they could refer to in the future. Maybe he would lie and stutter and flirt away from the situation with endearing deflections, and they would forget about this in a month or so. But Sykkuno traced the mouth of his mug with slow, gentle touch, and Ryan understood that both Toast and Sykkuno were ready for the next move in the last stage.

“No,” Sykkuno said, far too honest for something that was recorded and would be clipped and taken out of context a thousand times and over. “Good luck, then, Toast.”

The call was suspiciously silent, as if they intentionally kept their mouth shut just so Toast and Sykkuno could have pseudo-privacy in a very public conversation. Sykkuno surprisingly looked up to Ryan, who was leaning against the isle, and smiled at him. He could do nothing but return it. Maybe he was just feeling happy and relieved that they could break out of the same move in a very long time. Maybe he was filled with too much flower petals that he felt too soft and floaty because of them. Ryan didn’t know, but Sykkuno looked serene and content, and he felt like it was good enough for him.

He nodded at Sykkuno and took his snacks and bottles of water out of the kitchen. He faintly heard Sykkuno wishing the others good luck too, Rae’s teasing of ‘oh, now you remember us?’ and another bout of laughter as he bid them goodbye. Ryan’s own chat was suddenly bombarded with ‘Have you seen Toast’s stream?’, ‘Is Toast there?’, ‘RYAN WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING IN YOUR HOUSE JESUS FRUDGEJSKDJEWI’. Ryan bit back his amused grin and ate his chips like there weren’t two men who were so hopelessly enraptured by each other in the other rooms of this house.

‘How do you even withstand them in same room?’ Dream had messaged him. ‘I watched the stream. Holy fuck, it was like watching soft-core porn or something.’

A corner of his lips was pulled into a smile, halfway to laugh. ‘I don’t,’ he answered simply. ‘I told myself I don’t want to know. Smile and wave, you know?’

‘Yeah,’ Dream replied. Finally, someone who understood. ‘Just smile and wave, boys.’

He sent the gif with the whole penguin gang saying the quote, and went back to his stream. If anything, he could at least expect an interesting timeline and clips recommendation tomorrow. And free food for a week, too.

No one said anything about it. In fact, everyone was acting like nothing happened at all that Toast felt like a bomb was ticking away in the distance. Sooner or later, people would want to know. Or maybe, they already knew. Maybe they had had their suspicion and what he did a few weeks back was all the confirmation they needed. He didn’t fool himself by thinking that they wouldn’t want him to talk, however.

So when Yvonne cornered him on a beer-pong night, Toast put on his audience smile and took a small sip of his vodka. He needed to be clearheaded in navigating this landmine, and he wasn’t Scarra, who could down a whole bottle and talk steadily as if he was only drinking infused water.

“When are you going to tell us about it?” she asked, didn’t waste her time in getting to the point because Yvonne had witnessed the day when Toast and Sykkuno went home together, necks marked and tension so clear in the spaces they left between them.

“Never, probably,” he said.

Yvonne looked surprised at that, a little bit hurt and a whole lot more understanding. “You don’t trust us about this.”

He looked down at his cup, and didn’t look at her. “I do,” he said. “But this isn’t something that can be understood. Everything is too messy, Yvonne, and we intentionally leave it that way.”

Lily unabashedly looked at them from where she was perched on the arm of the chair Michael was sitting on. Like she could hear every word he didn’t say and keep it inside the tunes of her music. Toast took a deep breath and downed the rest of his drink. It burned deep in his chest, but he kept himself from coughing.

“What can you tell us, then?” she asked. She really was too kind to them.

“That I’m a fool and Sykkuno is winning,” he said. “And that I’m furniture shopping next month.”

“Shit,” Yvonne laughed. “You’re right. He’s winning, maybe since the start, Toast. Do you need help with the shopping?”

He settled back on the air of familiarity, of implicit trust he put on this little band of his chosen family. They had gone through a lot of things; enjoying the good, suffering in the mistakes. They had ridden themselves of people that could break them further apart, and pushed each other to be a better version than the one they left in the mangled carcass of the memories. It would be hard, to not wake up to Yvonne’s reassuring smile, Lily’s scream and Michael’s maniacal laughter, to bounce off his thoughts to Scarra and had them bounced back with the same frequency and reassurance, to be in the encompassing calmness that Brodin presented at all times despite his chaotic ideas.

But Toast wouldn’t go down without one last bang, and Sykkuno wouldn’t expect less from him.

His little darling was currently out in Corpse’s apartment right now. The last time Sykkuno texted him, they were in a heated discussion about Toast’s ass. He nodded in appreciation and told them that they should have a threesome sometimes. Sykkuno laughed and said that maybe they should. Toast read it and didn’t reply, knowing that it wouldn’t happen. Corpse could have a piece of Sykkuno that Toast couldn’t, and Toast would let them have their soft, pitter-patter of raindrops romance. But letting Sykkuno being by Corpse’s side, was entirely different than letting Corpse inside of the bond they had between them. In that one, Toast was selfish and entirely too cruel and brutal to whoever that tried to come between them. It was one of the few things that he kept for himself, the way that Sykkuno wanted it to be.

“Yeah,” he said. “That’ll be cool. Thanks, Yvonne.”

She smiled at him; gentle, something that Toast needed for the upcoming storm he had to go through. All the lime-light they would get after this, all the potential backlash and constant scrutiny and people hounding them for the sliver bit of secrets that they could twist and squeeze into poisonous words. His sister knew about his involvement with Sykkuno, and she didn’t approve the way they were handling this. His whole family would have something to say about it, too. He was just thankful that not all of them were constantly updated about the rumors circulating around. It was bad enough that his brother was constantly asking whether Sykkuno was in relationship with another man, whether Toast was aware that he was setting himself up for heartbreak.

He honestly didn’t know how to tell them that he was far too indulging when it came to whatever Sykkuno wanted to do; didn’t know how to say that Toast appreciated Sykkuno even more the crazier he presented his moves. He could say that he was marrying Sykkuno next week, and they wouldn’t believe a word. Why would they? When Toast had been entirely too silent about them in front of his family, when Sykkuno was surrounded by too many people who flirted with him left and right, and Toast had never been the one who told Sykkuno how pretty he looked, how nice he was, how he liked him and would like to talk late into the night with him.

What happened a few weeks ago could be seen as a milestone, and it actually was in the term of the actual move he gave in their game. But Toast would give everything for his family, and something even more dangerous, more intimate for Sykkuno. It was just that the both of them understood that Sykkuno was not the person that could be brought into his family right now. Maybe later, after they were done with this; after Sykkuno had put him in a checkmate, and they could settle into a new territory where Toast could show him how he wanted to put his fingers on Sykkuno’s lips in front of everyone, and tell him he was the prettiest, vindictive darling that Toast had ever met in his life.

He almost couldn’t believe that all he wanted from Sykkuno was this exhilarating push and pull at the start, and look at him now. Weakened and stronger than ever in his acceptance of every single side that Sykkuno had, in his affection that went beyond his wildness and fury in getting what he wanted. Something gentler, more malleable; like a muted evening spent with each other.

Toast’s sword had clattered to the ground and all of his army dead in the battlefield. He could feel the tip of Sykkuno’s blade digging into his skin, and he welcomed the freedom of his defeat—the victory of having Sykkuno close enough so he could bathe him with his blood.

‘Check the twitter.’ Rae’s text came a moment after, and he thought he knew what he would find there. Because Scarra’s eyes widened, and he looked up at Toast unconsciously. He lounged his feet on the bench, and went through his schedule in his head, finding the time for another four-hour drive to a house in Las Vegas.

His mentions were bombarded, and his timeline was filled to the brim by it. Corpse had tweeted a picture with no caption. It was Sykkuno, sleeping with his head leaning on a shoulder; Corpse’s long fingers in-between his strands of hair, large palm holding his head protectively. The room was dark, and there was a light illuminating Sykkuno’s face from something that Toast guessed was a screen. He looked pretty like that, Toast decided. Serene and calm in his sleep, none of the vicious, wild man that had forced Toast to a corner. He saved the picture to his phone and made another meme about Sykkuno leaving him to simp for Corpse, he posted it with even more dramatic caption than the last one he made out of Toy’s Story scene.

He enjoyed the rest of the evening with the others. Sykkuno sent him a text with a picture attached. It was Corpse’s turn to be in a picture where he was asleep. They were on a bed, and Sykkuno was nestled comfortably on his chest. His smile was Cheshire wicked, but still so, so pretty. He was happy, comfortable, and warm and Toast couldn’t stop the affection in his chest.

‘Send me the sex tape,’ he sent. They probably did it, they probably didn’t. Toast would start a bet with Rae, and roped Lily on it, too. Just because Michael would find out, and bet outrageously on the latter speculation.

‘Corpse is a romantic,’ Sykkuno replied, to which Toast understood that Sykkuno would fuck him within an inch of his life and Toast would kiss every part he had touch and leave a mark next to the ones Corpse had made.

‘Be safe, use condoms,’ he texted, and threw the pong ball onto a cup. Brodin sighed and drank his beer, and Toast had never felt this content, this settled in the long time since Sykkuno and he started all of this wretched warfare.

He wondered if he could persuade Corpse to put a collar on Sykkuno, and send him the pictures after. He could do it himself, of course. But Sykkuno would let him, sit so prettily, and bite his hands bloody afterwards. Toast thought that it was as well, because he’d pull the leash so hard that it would leave bruises and welts; a permanent mark that would stay long after the bruises had healed.

‘Sykkuno is fucking crazy,’ Corpse texted him at two in the morning, and Toast laughed until he couldn’t breathe. Oh, little darling.

‘That’s my boy.’

He wondered what kind of lover Corpse would be. He was so reserved about himself, couldn’t articulate his feelings well, but was so heartbreakingly genuine in his compliments and thoughts about his friends. Like Sykkuno, he had been lonely for the most of his life. Maybe he was gentle, as opposed to Toast. Maybe he submitted under Sykkuno completely because he wasn’t used to handling the insatiable force that man possessed. Maybe he did it because that was the way he loved Sykkuno—the same way Toast did the same in nearly everything but physical.

Instead of a form of a fight, it would be a gift bestowed by Sykkuno for Corpse. Instead of wildness born from vicious counter of Toast’s strikes, it was from the excitement of showing Corpse the things they could have together. He had never pitied Corpse; for he was young, he was also unbelievably strong despite the fragility in his life. He had the most mental motivation for his success, and that part was familiar for Sykkuno and his own ambitions that Toast had instilled in him. Corpse knew perfectly that he could never have what he wanted, but he didn’t back down from the risks. That in itself was also something that Sykkuno appreciated, the reason why he chose to take Corpse’s hand and try a new tune to an entirely new dance.

Still, the clock would strike, and at the end of the night Sykkuno would twirl back into Toast’s arms, knives hidden beneath flowing dress and poison so thick on his glossy lips. Corpse knew who his Cinderella was, and still had to travel far and beyond to hunt him down. Sykkuno said, Corpse would wait, and Toast trusted that he would. Not because he was foolish, but because Corpse knew that he could hold his own fight, knew that he held a part of Sykkuno that Toast couldn’t touch. They all were playing a game, they all were probably insane.

But wasn’t it fun? To play with people who knew all the rules and all the risks that they were willing to take. To push and pull at the tide, hailing storms and tsunamis to flatten the battlefield. No one could come out on top, and they put a faith in that certainty. This was an enjoyment; this was precious gems falling like raindrops from Sykkuno’s lips as he roped them into the harsh torrent of the seas. They all were going to drown and rot like all the bodies piling up from playing games like this.

Oh, but wasn’t it so fun? To die in a journey, to follow the delicate hands of the siren, and be her jolly sailor bold. To be shredded by the Gods, and rise again as the thunderstorm. The only way to go through a storm was to endure the harsh rain and dangerous tides. The thunder would strike them, and the hull was filled with salty water, but Sykkuno said, “Hail the colors,” and into the chaos they went.

Whether the ship sunk, whether they came out to the other side unharmed, they would wrap up this stage and deal with the aftermath. In that, Toast put a faith that no matter the outcome, Sykkuno would still be there. As the siren, as the captain, as another rotting body for the Gods’ sacrifices. After all, Toast had never pitied Corpse.

He pitied Sykkuno and his inability to let go of his vice grip on Toast’s heart, as he pitied himself with the way his fingers curled so gently around Sykkuno’s own heart, the strong line of his neck.

“You love him?” Ryan had asked, and Toast smiled because he loved Sykkuno like it was something inevitable, something certain like the sun and the bang of the supernova. Like he could do nothing better than this.

He traced his signature on the paper, thinking about furniture shopping and packing his belongings in boxes. Thinking about his last move before the checkmate, of admitting defeat and falling at Sykkuno’s feet. It was glorious, and there was nothing that Toast could do better than this—drenching Sykkuno in his blood from a stab to his heart, driving a hidden dagger deep into his neck and felt the warmth of the crimson on his skin. And Sykkuno would laugh, would smile so gently at him, would love him all the more because of it.

A victory in his defeat; a final claim of his sweet, filthy darling—so terribly vicious, so heartbreakingly lovely. And so, so entirely his.

Ryan had never asked this to Sykkuno before.

Toast had come and gone in increasing frequency these days. Ryan thought that he should find a new hobby, a new person before he spent all his money on treating Ryan to food and things as consolation and flight tickets so he could meet Sykkuno approximately three hours sooner. He had seen the picture of Corpse and Sykkuno all around the internet, had been texted by Sean with a simple, ‘I wish you strength and endurance, my guy,’ and Ryan was incredibly grateful that someone shared this madness aside from him and Rae. He was sure that Lily knew, that Dream had his own thoughts on it, but Ryan didn’t talk about this with them aside from remarks in conversations.

Sykkuno had gone to a lot of dates with Corpse, had come home with clothes that Ryan knew wasn’t his because they hung a little loose on his lithe frame. He had talked about hitting the gym and eating more healthily because grease and fat didn’t exactly do it for him anymore. Ryan knew fully well it was because he wore Corpse’s and Toast’s clothes intermittently and all of them hugged Sykkuno like a blanket. Sykkuno had said that Corpse was a little bit taller than him, and Toast was evidently a few inches shorter, but both of them had bigger build and Sykkuno looked painfully domestic swaddled in his—boyfriends? Partners? Fellow deranged men in their crazy game?—intimate friends’ clothes.

Aside from that one time he streamed from Sykkuno’s room, the way he slipped in some endearments and flirty words when they played together, Toast didn’t share anything publicly about their relationship. But Toast had been leaving his things all over this house, and he knew that Sykkuno had become less hostile and more open in his affection for Toast. They were becoming closer and closer still to the end of their dance.

“Do you think Toast will flaunt you all over the internet once you’re done with your satanic ritual?” he asked one afternoon.

Sykkuno looked at him with tired eyes and a smile. He had just finished his six hours stream from this morning. He pushed around the vegetable on his plate with evident disdain. “Yeah, he will,” he said. “Toast is very content oriented in front of the camera. That’s part of the reason why he’s so entertaining for his audience.”

“That’s true,” Ryan nodded. “Are you comfortable with it?”

The man finally chewed on his greens and swallowed with difficulty. Ryan couldn’t understand how was it that from everything that Sykkuno had put into his mouth—and he knew a lot because Toast and Sykkuno was horrendously shameless—he drew the line on vegetables. He was almost petulant in his reluctance to be healthy, despite his new resolutions.

“Toast will give the audience what they wanted and expected,” he answered. “But he’s also possessive, you know? He couldn’t bear the thought of other people seeing what I gave only to him all this time.”

“Would Corpse?” he then asked.

At this, Sykkuno thought a little bit longer. “Maybe. Because Corpse is unforgivingly earnest, and he will be more genuine in his way of showing me off. The thing is, I fell in love with Toast first, and have been for a long time. Corpse doesn’t have any secret that he wants to desperately guard, yet.”

Ryan sighed at the last part. “I feel like I have to endure this satanic ritual longer than I thought.”

“Good luck, Ryan,” Sykkuno said, sympathetic even if he was laughing behind his dainty hand.

They cooked a lot these days. Less takeouts because Ryan always ate his takeouts alone now since Sykkuno was far too distracted by the slant of Toast’s easy smile when he was in the house. So they cooked because Sykkuno would be there. Ryan knew he felt guilty about leaving him alone cooking their food, and would finally waddle to the kitchen and sat on the chair, talking amiably as Ryan chopped the vegetables. He liked this development, he could finally get into the ‘Sykkuno has waddled and waited in front of my doors like a newly domesticated penguin’ gang. Well, it was kitchen, but eh. Semantics.

“Are you—“ Sykkuno bit his lip, looked down, then seemed to be determined in pushing through. “Are you okay? With everything. I- I mean, it’s not easy to accept, regardless how you see it. And you’ve seen a lot.”

“I have,” Ryan nodded, injecting as much suffering into the word as he dramatically could. “And I’ve seen your naked ass, too. That should have been the deal breaker, but it’s pretty entertaining. Seeing how you act with him, I mean. Not the accidentally seeing you fucking with him on the kitchen thing.”

Sykkuno went red from the memory. “We- we didn’t know you’d be walking into the kitchen at that hour!” he defended. “You- you- you usually know when we, uh, you know.”

“Yeah, but you’re very loud, Sykkuno,” he said mercilessly. This was a little revenge for everything the two of them had made him endure. “And you were quiet at that time. How was I supposed to know?”

“Toast gagged me,” he sighed, still red around the cheeks but was already back to his unbothered way of speaking when it concerned Toast.

“I know,” Ryan said. “Don’t remind me. It’s hard enough for me to forget the nightmares. Don’t torture me like this, Sykkuno.”

“You’re so nice,” Sykkuno sighed again, leaning his head on the table after he put away his plate. “The nicest.”

“Oh?” he waggled his eyebrows. “Nicer than Toast?”

Sykkuno smiled softly, finger thumping against his mug. The very same one that Toast and he fought about each time Toast visited. “Toast is not nice, though. So you’re still the nicest.”

“I’m glad to know,” he said, and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon chattering away with his housemate before he crashed to the nearest soft surface to sleep until midnight.

The other time Ryan asked something that he had never asked before to Sykkuno, Toast was in the house. He had brought his car this time, and had wasted no time in railing Sykkuno on the couch in the living room. Ryan didn’t account the possibility since he had only witnessed them fucking in the kitchen; most of the time they did whatever satanic ritual they did in Sykkuno’s room. So he walked right into the sight of Sykkuno’s lithe body bouncing on Toast’s lap. They didn’t even seem surprised or embarrassed by it. Ryan was just thankful that they were still more or less clothed this time around.

“Oh, hi Ryan,” Toast had calmly called out. “Sykkuno, say hi.” Sykkuno growled at him and gripped his hair in a tight clench as an answer; guess he didn’t want to say hi.

“Hi Toast, hi Sykkuno,” he said, hurriedly walking to his room and unlocking the door. “Bye Toast, bye Sykkuno.”

Sykkuno had apologized profusely afterwards, and Toast lounged back on his chair even if he was sporting a nasty bite mark on his neck. Ryan was desensitized enough by now that he only felt mild discomfort at the sight. It was still fun to poke at Sykkuno and pretend to be terribly offended. Sometimes, Ryan forgot that Sykkuno still had a shy, sweet side because of the times he had witnessed him with his different persona in Toast’s presence.

So in a spur of the moment, Ryan just joked, “I feel like I remember how many moles Sykkuno has on his back at this point. Have you considered having a threesome with me?”

He had expected some dirty jokes out of Toast’s mouth, and Sykkuno stuttering and hissing at Toast to shut up. But all he got was Sykkuno laughing uncontrollably, breathless and pretty. He wasn’t laughing at Ryan, however. He looked like he remembered something that he was terribly amused at.

“Do I want to know?” he asked to Toast.

Toast surreptitiously took Sykkuno’s mug while he was still busy keeping his hiccupping laughter in check. “Nope,” he said, sipping on the bitter coffee and pulling a face at it. He kept drinking, however. “You really don’t wanna know about this one.”

He trusted him on that; knowing Sykkuno, it was probably something outrageous that people would never expect from him. Even more so because Toast didn’t immediately give him the context. It was alright, Ryan was content in his ignorance about whatever it was Sykkuno was laughing hysterically about.

“What do you like about Toast the most?” he had asked another time.

Neither of them was streaming, although Sykkuno spent hours playing games in his room. They were watching something on the television that they didn’t particularly care about. Sykkuno was wearing Toast’s shirt and was texting away on his phone. By the lack of manic smile, it wasn’t Toast.

“Hmm?” he said distractedly. “Oh, um. I don’t know, there are a lot of things I like about him.”

He could see why Toast was so mercilessly cutthroat with Sykkuno. He had a tendency of answering without actually answering. They were friends, however. Sykkuno would give him the answer because they had been so used to each other’s presence and twists.

“Certainly,” he said. “But what makes you stay for a long time? A lot of people will be willing to stand by your side, and Toast wasn’t exactly this gentle with you back then.”

“True,” he said. “But he’s not exactly gentle now, either.”

Ryan ignored the way Sykkuno ignored the first part of his sentence. “Maybe. But he told me he loves you the first time he came here alone.”

Sykkuno looked surprised at that, phone forgotten and mouth opened in a little ‘o’. “Oh,” he breathed out. “That’s- that’s—um. Yeah. He- he’s just. Toast is just so unapologetically true to himself, and I think he feels so real to me compared to everyone else. Like- like I can touch him with my fingers and feel something solid waiting, you know? I like having a lot of friends now, but Toast was the first one who figured me out and accepted everything that I am.”

He nodded. Maybe he didn’t understand everything, but at the very least he could understand the honest affection in Sykkuno’s eyes, the gentle cadence of his words. “Then why the long game?”

Sykkuno’s smile was small and private. “Toast loves me only recently, while I have loved him long before he realized. He thought I was just infatuated, that’s why he likes pushing at my buttons. He thought it will go away with time. This- this is the only way I know, to convince him that I’m capable of handling him in return. Toast—he- he likes games and challenges, but he rarely can find one he’s interested in in his life. I think that’s why he was so surprised that I was the one who initiated this.”

“You two are mental, Sykkuno,” he told him with a laugh. “But that’s alright. You’re very genuine about him. I think if he doesn’t love you as much, I’ll say something about over-investing. I don’t even know if you have anything left from loving that much.”

The smile turned shy now. “Toast is not nice,” he said, “but he keeps the pieces I gave to him very carefully, you know? I will still have myself even if we didn’t work out.”

“That’s frankly amazing,” Ryan admitted. “To have that kind of absolute trust in someone.”

“It is scary,” Sykkuno said. “But Toast taught me how to give in without losing myself. He’s nice, in that way. In a lot of ways that he doesn’t want to admit, actually.”

But there was still one thing that bothered him: the endgame, and where Corpse would fit in that. Ryan shouldn’t be prying his answers like this. But once everything was out in the open, that question would be inevitable.

“What about Corpse?” he asked, feeling a little bit apprehensive and nervous.

Sykkuno didn’t seem bothered, however. “Corpse loves me, but he’s not in love with me. It’s always been him who indulges me, not the other way around.”

That stunned him, this wasn’t something he expected. “What?” he asked, then, just because he thought he heard wrong, once again. “Wait, what?”

He laughed, maybe Ryan’s face really did look that stupid in his surprise. “You know? The kind of love that doesn’t discriminate whether he will end up with me or not. The constant, certain kind of love that will always be there regardless of everything. I fell in love with him because of that.”

“O-kay… what about Toast?”

“Toast fell in love only with certain sides of me,” Sykkuno explained. “He learned slowly to love the rest with the same kind of conviction that Corpse has.”

“This is making my head spin,” he said. “What about you, then?”

“I am in love with the both of them, that’s why we’re in this predicament right now,” he said, too calm for someone who was involved in a complicated, confusing relationship with two other men. “But what I have for Toast is—it’s a lot more than I have for Corpse. It’s something that I’m willing to give myself for, everything necessary to have Toast by my side.”

It was never a question whether Toast felt the same or not; Ryan had seen the way he looked at Sykkuno. That wasn’t a commitment that he thought he could have for anyone in the long run. To be twined and tangled so close that there wasn’t any space, and yet still so freeing, so deliberate in letting Sykkuno taking his decisions and steps without chaining him.

“Now you’re making me scared of falling in love,” he sighed, leaning back on the couch because he was tired from this conversation alone.

Sykkuno’s laughter was a tinkling hiccup that Ryan was familiar with. There were too many things that he didn’t understand about his friends, individually and together. But at least, he could trust in his belief that regardless of everything, these were good people that he would want to keep in his life. Besides, he got free food and entertainment all year long, what was there not to like?

He really should keep doing what he did all this time to continue watching this fascinating game until the match was over. Keeping his smiles and waves for these crazy motherfuckers with their incredible, disastrously fulfilling kind of love.

‘Smile and wave, boys,’ he texted Sean, fully expecting him to understand the joke.

He could sense the tired sigh from somewhere in Ireland when Sean replied.

‘Just smile and wave.’

Ryan greeted him with a surprised face when he rang the doorbell. There were two suitcases, his blanket and two pillows on the backseat of his car, as well as his backpack. All he was wearing right now was short cargo pants and a button-up black shirt. And two packs of coffee for Ryan and Sykkuno since he knew how fast the latter went through the stack.

“Toast!” he said, smiling already. “Come in. Sykkuno’s not back yet, though.”

“I know,” he said, and gave the coffee packages for Ryan to take into the pantry. “He’s out on a date with his not-boyfriend.”

He laughed because both Corpse and Sykkuno had been posting about their outings more and more now, and people had started talking about their relationship. It would be all and well if Sykkuno and Toast were not so flirtatious in the streams nowadays. He had been generous in his pet names, and had streamed from Sykkuno’s room a few times since the first. To make matter worse, Sykkuno was now confident enough flitting in and out of the stream, giving plates of fruits or just sitting next to Toast and laying his head on his shoulders.

People were talking about publicity stunts, about regaining popularity with dating scandal, and remarks about Sykkuno’s involvement with two men were nasty and hilarious—because neither of them needed this kind of stunt to boost their fame. But it did give them publicity, and honestly, Toast was just enjoying the fall of the dominoes. They were aware of this risk; that was why they took it in strides and didn’t cower under the harsh glare of the spotlight. This was inevitable, this was necessary.

“You look happy today,” Ryan said, settling onto the couch. He had a dinner with his friends later on, he told Toast, but he could sit and talk with Toast before he had to go.

“I am,” Toast answered. “I’m here to knock Sykkuno off his feet before he won the game.”

“Still not finished with the satanic ritual, I see,” he nodded to himself

Toast could admit that he was almost giddy, that the happiness was clearly shown on his face and he didn’t try to stop it at all. Everything had finally settled in place, one by one, and they were waiting for the last few pieces that Sykkuno held. Pretty little darling with his cat ears and Corpse’s oversized sweater, wearing them without shame and looking too damn good at it. None of them could hold a candle to him.

Sykkuno came home just a little after forty-minutes. Toast didn’t tell him that he was coming, he never did. So seeing the surprise on his face had alerted Toast that he had done something. What a coincidence.

“Toast!” he said, biting his lip on a smile and accepted the kiss on his forehead. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Why?” he teased. “You still wanna go to Corpse’s after this? Can’t get enough even after the date?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Sykkuno said brightly, and at that, Ryan actually choked on his saliva. From all of the outrageously inappropriate things he had seen, he had never heard Sykkuno outrightly swore in front of him before.

He reached out his arm, and Sykkuno pressed himself close to him. He looked comfortable in Toast’s shirt, in his arms, by his side. They would have this day in and day out very soon. Toast was finally going to fulfill his promises; so would Sykkuno, by the look of it.

“Did you have fun?” he asked conversationally, palming his key in his jeans pocket.

“I did,” Sykkuno said, softly, like he was surrounded by pastel-colored cotton candies. “We had coffees and pancakes.”

“Disgustingly bitter coffees,” Toast said, and they all laughed because Sykkuno had this allergy of putting sugar into his coffees and teas, even if he did like sweet things. Just not in his precious coffees.

Ryan’s phone pinged, and he was distracted by the chats as Sykkuno peered at Toast inquiringly. “Toast, what are you doing here?”

“Visiting you, isn’t that obvious?” he replied simply, and smiled at the increasing frustration in the line of Sykkuno’s lips.

“No, stop it,” he whined. “You have stream in an hour. Are you going to take the plane? We’re streaming together today so I can’t lend you my computer either.”

He grinned, and bypassed the obvious solution of using Ryan’s computer since he would be out with his friends. Because Sykkuno was getting antsy, and that answer would get Toast a nasty grip on his thighs. Those fingers might look dainty and delicate, but by God, Sykkuno had a mean clutch. When he was in the mood to fuck Toast for a change, his hips and asscheeks always came out aching and bruising.

“Why should I fly back?” he said, and he could almost taste the curiosity and realization that was coming fast in Sykkuno’s eyes. Gods, he wanted to bend Sykkuno on the table, or hold his hands and take him to Disneyland or something. “My house is three streets away from here, Sykkuno.”

Ryan dropped his phone, and Sykkuno looked like Toast had just stabbed him with a serrated knife, and pulled. There was an unholy glee and glory in every line of his form, he was fucking beautiful when he breathed out Toast’s name, fingers already clutching his arm like a vice.

“Jeremy,” he said, exhilarated, in love, absolutely furious for not realizing this sooner. “Jeremy, you’re not going to get out of this alive.”

“That is disconcerting,” Ryan called out. “Should I call the cops?”

“Nah,” Toast shook his head, even as his eyes never strayed from the glow on his darling’s face. “The cops will just pat him on the head and advise him on how to hide the body better.”

“True,” Ryan muttered.

“Jesus, Toast,” Sykkuno laughed, and laughed, and looked at Toast like he wasn’t real. Like everything was just a long, beloved fever dreams that they never wanted to wake up from. “You’re crazy, you- you’re crazy, Toast.”

He raised a brow even as he couldn’t stop the grin from spreading on his lips. “Thought that’s why you’re head over heels for me?”

“Jesus,” Sykkuno breathed out, and laughed again, and he looked so unbelievably pretty like this—happy, victorious.

“So…” he drawled. “Sy-kkuno, wanna christen every surface of my new house with me?”

Ryan groaned and looked terribly like a child who saw his parents making out in front of him. Although, on that regards, Ryan had gotten more than tongue actions for his share. The guy needed a medal of valor for his bravery in witnessing Sykkuno’s and Toast’s shameless behavior. But Toast honestly couldn’t focus on anything but his tall, broad-shouldered lover because his eyes were terribly bright with promises and something so sharp that Toast held his breath in fear of being cut in half.

“I have big windows,” he added unnecessarily, “and sturdy walls.”

Sykkuno laughed, unrestrained, unfailing in his crushing grip on Toast’s heart. “How many times do you think you can fuck me before we’re late for the stream?”

“Oh my God,” Ryan laughed, almost hysterics. “You fucking animals.”

Toast gave him a lazy smile and pulled Sykkuno up to his feet. “Only one way to find out, darling.”

They barely even stumbled from the front door before Sykkuno was turning around and pressed him against it. Toast fumbled with the locks as delicate fingers framed his face, lips sliding and tongue sneaking into his mouth in insistent touch even as Sykkuno kept it gentle and mild. Toast sled a hand under each thigh before he heaved the body up, straining his neck to continue the kiss while he walked blindly to where a big window with a direct view of the backyard was. Thank God it wasn’t far because Toast might be able to fuck Sykkuno for hours on end, but Sykkuno had gained more muscles, it seemed. Maybe living with Ryan had finally kickstarted his resolution of living healthily—or maybe it was just Ryan threatening Sykkuno with vegetables and exercise regimes, it was believable.

He put Sykkuno on the window sill, grappling with his sweater and pulling it off his head, ruining his perfect hair. But it looked better mussed and messy from being gripped too harshly, Toast liked that look on him. Honestly, he liked any kind of look as long as Sykkuno was comfortably his. He laughed a little as several buttons from his shirt flew in courtesy of Sykkuno’s impatient fingers.

“What’s the hurry, pretty baby?” he teased, kissing the line of pale neck and unforgivingly biting hard on some parts. Sykkuno’s answering moan was something he tasted on his tongue.

“One hour,” he breathed out, “please tell me you have lube and condoms.”

“Why condoms? You don’t wanna be fucked full of my cum today?”

He pulled off Sykkuno’s jeans with practiced ease and went back to littering bites on exposed collarbones. He really did have the prettiest of everything, didn’t he? It could be his insect mind talking, but how could Toast not when Sykkuno was already flushed and writhing from simple touches of his lips, his hands?

“My gods, Toast,” he groaned, reaching into Toast’s wallet and pulling out two foil packets. “I don’t want to sit on my chair with your cum trickling out. It’s nasty.”

Toast pulled back to pretend ponder. “Should we use the plug?”

At that, Sykkuno smiled shyly and pecked his forehead. “Maybe next time.”

Jesus fuck, this guy. Toast took the lube and ripped the corner off to squirt some on his fingers. When he reached down to prod on the hole, he looked up with surprise, a sly smile forming on his lips. “Did you fuck Corpse beforehand?”

The answer was even worse than he expected, sending heats through his lungs and let it settle in the pit of his stomach, coiling tighter and tighter the harder Sykkuno bit his lip.

“Might have touched myself this morning,” he whispered, eyelashes fluttering as Toast thrust inside with a finger, then two in quick succession. He could take it, and more. “Thinking of you.”

“I’m here now,” he said, gentler than he intended, more vulnerable than he was aiming for. But Sykkuno took it with open mouthed kisses and brown eyes so soft, so warm despite the way his body was sinfully responding to Toast’s fingers.

“I know,” he said, and reached down to palm Toast’s cock in tandem with his thrusts.

It didn’t take long before Sykkuno was gripping his hair, little cries falling from his red-bitten lips. Toast helped him down from the window sill, and turned him around. “Palms up.”

He thrust in slow and just on the edge of cruel, watching in satisfaction as Sykkuno pressed his palms harder on the thick glass. “A good thing that the only person who will see you like this is me, isn’t that right, Thomas? Imagine if the walls aren’t there, if instead of a backyard, you’re in full view of passerby. Would you like that?”

Sykkuno let out a long, low moan that made Toast tightened his grip on either side of his hips, pushing himself inside until he was flushed from pelvis to the soft swell of his ass; until he was close enough to whisper into his reddened ears, “Would you want them to see you like this? So prettily fucked out, my shameless little darling, always asking for more. Should we call Corpse? Edison and Leslie? Let them watch and fuck you until you’re breathless? You can take two, right baby? You’ve done it before.”

“Toast,” Sykkuno’s voice was strained, shoulders trembling and cock achingly hard in Toast’s fingers when he finally allowed himself to pull out until the tip, and slammed back inside ruthlessly. “Stop- stop talking, my God, you’re killing me.”

“I’m doing it right, then,” he replied easily, and hid his face on the curve of his back as he started to thrust in earnest.

His lover was loud as always, unabashedly letting out cries and groans of pleasure as Toast kissed a fond smile on his sweaty skin. He tasted salt on his tongue as he licked his way up to his shoulder, sucking and biting and soothing the sting with soft kisses and filthy words. It really wasn’t a surprise that Sykkuno liked the dirty talk; even before they started fucking regularly, Toast had watched the way he squirmed and struggling to keep himself calm and collected whenever Toast threw him some inappropriate jokes and followed them with teasings of doing exactly what he had jested about.

“Wanna—come,” Sykkuno stuttered out.

“That’s fast,” Toast remarked, and lost his balance when Sykkuno suddenly turned around and pushed him until he was sprawling on the floor.

“No,” he smiled sweetly, poison dripping like honey in his taunts. “That’s an offer for you.”

Oh, little bitch, he thought and grinned as Sykkuno rode him like he truly was trying to kill Toast. There was no pause, no reprieve, and he felt the inevitable build of release from the constant friction and tight heat. When he tried to push up, however, Sykkuno locked his thighs on his sides and slowed down abruptly. He groaned, retaliating by planting his nails into skin and leaving marks.

“Sykkuno,” he growled out in warning, but the man seemed unfazed.

“What’s the hurry, pretty baby?” Sykkuno threw back, laughing like a maniac as Toast joined him because he couldn’t believe he decided to play with someone as vicious as Sykkuno, couldn’t believe he fell right into the trap and loving every second of it. “Here’s what’s going to happen, Jeremy. I’m going to touch myself, and you’re going to watch, and if you’re good, maybe I’ll let you come.”

“Fuck, you’re a cruel little bitch,” he said, but it was softened by the way he was smiling, eyes bright with affection and exhilaration.

Sykkuno chuckled a little. “I’m doing the right thing, then.”

So he let Sykkuno pull off, took his hard cock in delicate fingers and small palm as he jerked himself off torturously slow; the other hand reaching back to finger himself, brushing against Toast’s cock with every thrust. And Toast lay there with hands light on Sykkuno’s thigh, unable to do anything but watch because Sykkuno had given him the worst of blue balls before and he didn’t doubt the punishments that would come if he were to disregard his words. Maybe he was the masochist, and Sykkuno had been fuelling it with his manipulative side and sadistic tendencies.

“Should’ve known you’ll pull this off,” Sykkuno said, voice shaky as his fingers moved faster. “How does it feel to be beaten in your own game, Toast?”

“Absolutely glorious,” he answered, enjoying the view because there was little else to do. He was quite literally under Sykkuno’s mercy right now. “You’re so pretty when you’re not nice.”

“And still pretty when I’m nice, right?” he teased, a small smile on his lip as his breath stuttered.

“The prettiest I’ve seen in my life,” he said, truthful.

“The only one you’ll ever see in your life,” Sykkuno corrected, because he was possessive like that despite him sharing his affections to a lot of people. That was alright, because affections could be shared, his body could be touched by another, but Toast owned his heart and his mind right after he was sure that Sykkuno had owned them completely.

“The only one,” he agreed, and let out a moan when Sykkuno’s breath hitched and his fingers stuttered out to a stop as he came, sperm wet and thick on Toast’s chest. “My only one.”

“Cute,” Sykkuno said, smile loopy and body lax after his release.

“Can I pretty please with a cock on top come now?” he asked. He was nearing his limit by the show Sykkuno had given, and he would cry if he couldn’t get anything to touch his aching hardness right this second.

“Maybe,” the younger said, but he scooted back to take Toast’s cock in his grip and guided it to his hole. “Take what you need, Jeremy.”

So Toast did, surging up to finally touch Sykkuno, kissing him gently even as his fingers pinched and twisted the pebbled nipples; swallowing his cries and moans as he relentlessly thrust through the sensitivity he must’ve been feeling. He didn’t let up with the hard pace, whispering sweet nothings and gripped Sykkuno’s hair tight when he bit and sucked aggressively on his skin. Toast left some souvenirs on his neck as well, reddened bruises on top of what he had given early on, biting hard and didn’t let go when his pace finally became erratic nearing his orgasm.

“Come, Jeremy,” Sykkuno commanded with the gravity of a king left standing on the board, while Toast was left bleeding on the black and white tiles. And he would stay there, at peace even as his heart was out of his ribs, beating softly on the cradle of Sykkuno’s palm, enjoying his defeat as long as it was Sykkuno’s victory.

He came into the condom and loud cries that sounded like the mangled version of Sykkuno’s name, rolling out of his tongue like pleads of a sinner. He didn’t even have time to catch his breath before he was pulled up to his feet. “Wha—t?”

“Twenty minutes left,” Sykkuno said simply, waving his phone on Toast’s face. “Eat me out on your new bed?” he asked, sweetly, innocence wafting off his pores without shame.

Toast closed his eyes and sighed out a smile. “I’ve just put on the sheets, you know?”

“Even better,” Sykkuno said, laughing high and pretty as Toast pulled him to one of the rooms.

There was something disturbingly hilarious about their habit of talking their hearts out while they were having sex. Coupling. Mating. Whichever was more suited. Because as soon as Toast lapped up his tongue on the mess down there, tasting lube and musk, Sykkuno decided to engage him in a conversation like they were simply enjoying a tea on Ryan’s and Sykkuno’s shared house, a stolen mug on Toast’s hand.

“I broke up with Corpse today,” he said, even as he was controlling his breath when Toast delved his tongue inside. “He just nodded and kissed me. I think you might be seeing pictures on the net pretty soon.”

It wasn’t the scandalous pictures that concerned Toast. He pulled off and looked up, blinking as he processed the information. “You broke up,” he repeated. “How the fuck—“

Sykkuno laughed. “We’ve been dating for a few months now,” he said, and gently pushed Toast’s head back down again. “Remember that night I sent you pictures of me visiting him? You know I fucked him, Toast. Corpse showed me the chat between you and him. We agreed to date a few days after that.”

Toast had to pull out again at that, ignoring Sykkuno’s little whines. “He actually agreed to date you when he clearly knows you’re going after me?”

“You make it sounds like I’m trying to kill you,” the younger pouted. Oh, yeah, he forgot how adorable he looked that way even if Toast wanted to wretch at the overly sweet behavior. “More like fuck buddies with a lot of dates, honestly. I won’t hurt him like that, Toast, you know that. Corpse knows that. So we dated.”

“Okay,” Toast said slowly, eyes still wide and in disbelief even if he knew this was something that Sykkuno would and could pull off. “What changed, then? You weren’t aware of me moving here because I’m a besotted little fuck with a gigantic crush.”

“Awh,” he cooed, and pushed at Toast more insistently this time. He went down and worked his tongue in, enjoying the breathed out whispers of his name and words of pleasure that Sykkuno voiced out. “I- ah, deeper, Jeremy—I got the call from your sister. I’m expected there this Christmas, your mother wants to see me too.”

Sykkuno’s hand kept him in place when he made to move again. Because, what the fuck? Where did this come from? This was the farthest thing he could expect from Sykkuno, and his mind was whirring as he tried to figure out the complete piece of the puzzle. It was harder than he thought because Sykkuno kept mucking up the picture into an unrecognizable, messy abstract.

“I’ve been in- in c-contacts—stop nipping, damn you—with your sister. Got an earful from her and your brother too. The cutthroat really does run in the family,” he said with a fond sigh. “She made me cry, your brother made me cry, they’re satisfied by that and continued tormenting me for a few months before they let off the torture.”

There was no way Jenny and Jimmy would let Sykkuno off the hook that easily, especially with the way things were going around the internet regarding them. As if reading his thoughts, Sykkuno laughed, caressing his head softly.

“She told me you’re happy, Toast,” he said, and he sounded solemn when he talked. “Told me you love me. I told her I’ve been in love with you for a long time, you’re just a stubborn fucker, and that this game was entirely voluntary from all participants involved.”

When he pulled back, Sykkuno let him. His lips were a mess of saliva and lube, deliciously numb and he noticed with smatters of pride just how fucked out Sykkuno looked even if he sounded like they were having a walk in the park. He continued his work with his fingers, twisting and pressing mercilessly on his favored spots as he wiped his mouth clean. “What did she say?”

“That we’re a bunch of sick fuckers, and that she’s given up on making sense on this,” Sykkuno said, laughing in genuine humor as his eyes crinkled ever so prettily. “She just wants me to be done with this as soon as possible. I told her it’s really up to you. I’ve been wrapping this game up for some time now, Jeremy.”

Toast breathed out, grin wide like a madman as he finally understood that he was just under the illusion of stalemate all this time, when Sykkuno had pulled this fucking move right beneath his nose. Was that why he was so confident in winning? Because he already got Toast’s cards long before the end of the game? Cheating motherfucker. Gods did Toast love him dearly, viciously, wholeheartedly.

“This is my final move, Jeremy,” he said, as he got up and cradled his jaw, face serene and honest. There was no mockery, no hardened glints of a player, no hidden schemes—just Sykkuno, simple and honest and warm in his love. “Will you admit defeat?”

Toast thought back to the time spent dancing back and forth, of clever minds and cleverer fingers trying their hardest to rip each other’s hearts out, of enjoying the exhilaration and finding the peace in the eye of the storm. He thought back to how, back then, Toast had never even given the possibility to be this in love with someone else. And then he thought about the way Sykkuno put his foot into the game willingly, relentlessly realizing his goals and crumbling Toast’s defense bit by bit. He thought of all the different sides of Sykkuno that he kept save in his lungs; the coldness, the viciousness, the wrath, the teasing and feral side of him, the cruel and animalistic, the pure, earnest affection.

“Yes,” he breathed into Sykkuno’s lips, and finally, finally gave in to what they both wanted since the start.

They were going to be late, he thought absentmindedly as he kissed Sykkuno soft and slow. He mapped out the taste of his mouth like he was discovering a familiar land all over again. With how things had turned out in the end, this truly was the first time Toast touched him without the ticking time bomb of their endgame hanging above his head. Both of them took their time, touching and tasting, remembering and re-finding places that would make them breathless, that would make their heart ache, that would make heat spread like wildfire in their veins.

“I love you,” Toast whispered into the hollow of Sykkuno’s throat. It was his first admission of honesty in this new canvas they were going to paint together on. All this time, it was always Sykkuno who bared his heart out in the open; this time, Toast would take his hand and grasped it in his, and never let go.

“I love you,” he said as he kissed each eyelid, the high cheekbones that made Toast go stupid and fuzzy around the edges, the tips of his nose, the red of his lips. “Been wanting to love you like this for so long now.”

“I know,” Sykkuno said, steady and reassuring, holding him tight and kissing the top of his head. “I’ve been telling you this since the first time, but I love you, and I’m glad you know that you’re loved all this time.”

“This is so fucking soft and disgusting,” he said, even as he kissed the skin above Sykkuno’s heart.

“I kind of like it,” Sykkuno said, slowly spreading his legs as Toast settled between them like a click of the last piece of the puzzle. “Don’t you?”

I do, Toast answered into the mark on his neck. He touched every inch of Sykkuno, re-discovering the way to touch and press, when to lay his hands softly and when to push a little harder. Shivers broke out on his skin as Sykkuno’s fingers followed the dip of his spine, rubbing gently over his hole. The nip of teeth on the fragile skin of his collarbone, the heat that simmered steadily when Sykkuno caressed the skin above his pubic hair with his soft palm. He moisturized, Toast thought with a laugh, as he had been telling the chats. They just didn’t believe that Sykkuno had a hundred hand creams courtesy of Lily and Michael. Apparently, they had a thing about Sykkuno’s delicate, dainty fingers and liked the feel of softness when they grasped his hands. He was thankful for the effort, as he was reaping the benefit for most of the time.

“Touch me,” Sykkuno said, confident in the certainty that Toast would always follow where his gentle chaos would go. “And then fuck me like you mean it.”

He would, but he scooted up to sit on Sykkuno’s chest, smearing precum on his lips as Sykkuno obediently opened up his mouth. He was plush and warm inside, unafraid of swallowing Toast to his throat from numerous practices. He heard the rustle as Sykkuno squeezed out the lube from a tube Toast had thrown at him before the settled on the bed. He felt the cold lube on his puckered hole, rubbing there until the gel warmed up. When the first finger entered him, Toast gently tucked a piece of hair out of Sykkuno’s eyes, pushing deeper until he had to pause to take a breath from his nose.

Sykkuno sucked him with expertise that came from familiarity, slow and sure as he hollowed out his cheeks and using his tongue where Toast liked it. One finger became two, and then three as he started thrusting in and out of the warm mouth in the same tandem as the fingers. When he was close, he gripped the soft tuft of hair and Sykkuno pulled out his fingers, drawing out a weak moan of him as he let go of Toast’s cock.

“Guess you really have to stream with my cum making a mess of your pants and chair,” he said with a soft grin.

“It really is a good thing I’m nasty, huh, Toast?” Sykkuno teased back goodnaturedly.

Toast started his way back with kisses and fingers rubbing on Sykkuno’s lips, going down to squeeze and pinch on his chest, lips ghosting over his navel as he beautifully writhed and moan. In this, Sykkuno was honest and open; no more going around circles, no deflection and covering things up. Just straight up expression of pleasure and mutual comfort of each other.

He slathered himself with generous amount of lube, despite Sykkuno being loose enough to take him immediately. Still, he didn’t want the friction to become too much and hindering a complete pleasure. Besides, he was right. Sykkuno was a nasty fucker who enjoyed the mess, and being messed up good by Toast.

When he pushed inside, it was like fucking Sykkuno for the first time all over again. All the tight heat and unbelievable pleasure; the surprise of how lewd, how sinuously sensual this soft, gentle man could be. The greatest part? Every single inch of skin, every melodious sound, every beat of his heart was completely, unforgivingly his.

“Feel so good around me, pretty darling,” he whispered in a strain voice, refraining himself from immediately thrusting with abandon. He wanted to savor this, he wanted to do this right—claim him in all the right ways.

Sykkuno let out a shaky breath and tugged his arm to bring him down. So he laid his weight completely on the willing, pliant body under him, feeling every plane of muscles and soft skin. He gave in to the silent plea for kiss, licking into his mouth like he was trying to breathe in everything that Sykkuno was willing to surrender for him. He moved in slow, steady; reassured in the firmness of the fingers on his shoulders, and the legs encircling his waist, crisscrossing on his back.

“Will love you like this for as long as you want me to,” he said, pushing into places that made Sykkuno stuttered out broken cries of pleasure, of his name. He had been going and called by a name he had made himself famous with in the industry, but hearing every which way Sykkuno butchered his name whenever they were together like this made him love it even more. The intimacy, the familiarity, the knowledge that Sykkuno knew his way around Toast’s mind, enough to be comfortable with calling him Jeremy without hesitation.

“Keep me close,” Sykkuno said. “Don’t let go. You’ll only break your heart if you do.”

Toast laughed, bright and happy, because Sykkuno was right—of course he was. This confident darling with his encompassing love, who knew Toast’s heart more than he did himself. “Gods, I love you.”

“I love you too,” Sykkuno smiled. “Glad to be finally on the same page.”

Cheeky little bastard. He gradually picked up the pace, worshipping Sykkuno’s body the way he did to Toast’s as they tangled their bodies, their minds and their hearts on his newly changed sheets. It really did feel freeing, to be accepted and loved to this extent. Honestly, Toast didn’t know why it had to be him, out of everyone Sykkuno could have. But he knew, that he was helpless as he let Toast charm his way into his life. He knew his worth, as he had taught Sykkuno to recognize his.

“Jeremy, more,” his filthy, little darling said, nearly inaudible as Toast pushed inside him as deep as he could.

He obliged, thrusting harder, harsher as he held Sykkuno by his shoulders, peppering kisses on his face. Sykkuno tightened impossibly sweet around him, losing his mind bit by bit as he succumbed to the pleasure. He watched as his jaw went slack, litanies of desperate cries out of the lips he would love to kiss every morning and night, and all the time in between.

Toast came first, spilling into him when he couldn’t bear the heat and the affection in his chest any longer. Sykkuno sobbed into his mouth when he felt the warmth of Toast inside of him. He rutted his softened cock inside as Sykkuno jerked himself off. Toast kissed him soft and sweet and replaced his lips with his fingers, shivering when clever tongue licked and sucked on the digits.

“Close?” he asked, and Sykkuno nodded as he whined high on his throat. His breath ghosted on the skin of Sykkuno’s shoulders, and Toast smiled as he said, “Then come for me, filthy darling,” and sunk his teeth deep to tear flesh until he could taste copper across his tongue.

Sykkuno came with a silent scream, wetness between their bodies as Toast kept him close by his arms, his teeth; a traditional, physically crude claim that he laid upon the person he was willing to be lost in for eternity. Toast felt more like they had been engaged in a fight that exhausted their bodies and mind, but never their heart. He was boneless in Sykkuno’s arms, sighing into the new wound on his shoulder.

“Fucking animals,” Sykkuno suddenly said in the silence of the room that was only filled by their uneven breaths.

“Ryan is a genius,” he replied, and felt his heart beat fondly as they laughed.

“We’re late for our streams,” he said again, and Toast kissed him so he could shut up.

“Stop ruining the afterglow.”

Toast let them lie like that for some time, catching their breaths and trading sickly sweet words between the kisses. He felt like a teenager instead of a man about to head into his thirties. Meh, it would be okay. Sykkuno looked young enough to look the part. Fucking blessed Asian genetics. Eventually, however, the stickiness got too much so Toast led them to the bathroom for a quick shower. He let Sykkuno use his bathtub as he rinsed himself and changed his clothes. He put a change for Sykkuno on the sink counter, and left to finally start his stream.

“You’re late!” Rae’s shrill voice greeted him and Toast grinned at the screen. He was positively glowing and smug, and he didn’t try to cover any inch of it. Let them see and speculate, he was in for future entertainments from the consequent explosion of talks once they realized that Toast wasn’t alone in the room anyway.

“Sorry,” he said without remorse. “Had to do a lot of moving stuffs—“ his grin went a millimeter wider. Yeah, right, moving. “—almost forgot I got a stream.”

“You didn’t forget,” Peter chastised him. “You deliberately made us wait as the revenge for that one time we spoiled your schemes on Hafu’s lobby, didn’t you, huh? Huh?”

“As great of an idea it is,” he said, and chuckled when the others started screaming at Peter, “I did have something else to do. Terribly sorry, again.”

“What exactly is that thing?” came Corpse’s suspiciously casual reply.

“Wait, Toast, you’re moving somewhere?” Wendy interjected.

Toast ignored them in favor of smiling at Sykkuno as he finally emerged from the bathroom. He looked so fucking soft and comfortable and Toast contemplated ditching the stream altogether just to take him back to the bed, change the sheets, and spend the rest of the evening just talking about nothings. They could have that later though. They have a lot of time to spend being disgustingly in love, and he would make sure of that.

He reached out a hand, seeing the chat going on a fast speed as they questioned what was going on, asking questions of him apparently moving out of OTV house without previous notice. Sykkuno took it, and settled comfortably on his side, squinting at the screen and laughing a little.

“Wait—“ Peter said. “I know that laugh. Sykkuno? You’re there?”

“Hi,” the man said, and Toast wrapped a hand around his middle as he hunched over the table. He had ordered an Uber for Sykkuno while he bathed. “Um, sorry, I’ll be a little bit later for the stream. I gotta get home. It won’t take too long though! I promise, just around fifteen minutes.”

“Fifteen minutes?!” Rae exclaimed, and then there were barrages of messages on his phone. “Toast, check your dm. I just wanna talk.”

That got another bout of laughter out of Sykkuno. Peter was busy screaming into the call, interjected by Corpse’s wheezed out laughter in-between.

“Is this what you were doing, Toast?” he said, thick with accusation. “What the fuck is going on?!”

“No, no, Peter,” Sykkuno replied, still laughing in that chicken-sounded laughter that Toast had mocked him for on one or two different occasions. Alright, maybe more than that. Not his fault, it really did sound like a chicken. “I was just—I was helping Toast with the- with the moving. Yeah, exactly that.”

Atta boy, getting in the jokes Toast had previously thought without batting an eyelash. Truly they were a match made in a faraway land of storms and mazes somewhere in this vast world. Corpse’s laughter got louder, sounding like he was dying and on the verge of losing his breath. Out of everyone, he knew what must have transpired beforehand, even more than Rae.

“The moving, huh,” Rae said, voice flat and they could hear the eyebrows rise from behind the screen. “Huh, Sykkuno.”

“Yep,” he nodded solemnly. “Just a normal help of moving. New house and all, you know.”

“I don’t trust a word out of that pretty mouth,” Corpse said, finally composed enough and not gasping for air.

“What- wow,” Sykkuno said, a hint of teasing as Toast let the shenanigan happen without adding his input. “Wow, Corpse. I’m- I’m hurt. And after everything we’ve had, too.”

“I thought you broke up with me?” Corpse teased right back.

Toast rolled his eyes. College students on their second semester, indeed. “It’s not a break up if you’re still flirting like a bunch of hormonal teenagers.”

He muted the mic as the lobby exploded into questions and disbelief laughter. Dream was there too, as it seemed, and he finally let out the kettle laughter after keeping it in for so long. It seemed that a few more people had known of their little game. Ryan had commiserated with Dream and Sean in his misery of rooming with Sykkuno and witnessing events that might scar him for life. Sykkuno wouldn’t leave the house until they were completely settled, but that was alright. He’d be waking up to his dumb, snoring face in no time.

“Alright,” he said, standing up himself. He ushered Sykkuno out of the range of the camera, and planted a kiss on his neck. “Your car is here. Get home safe, I’ll pick you up tomorrow for a date.”

“Wait,” Sykkuno said, halting his steps. “Really?”

“You want me to take it back?” he raised an eyebrow, smiling when Sykkuno immediately stuttered out his responses. “Be ready for the news. They’ll call you all sorts of things. That’s what you get from your little game, baby.”

“It’s alright,” he said. “I’ve thought about it beforehand. They don’t have the exact informations, after all. The speculations will stay for a few months, and sure, the subreddit would always be there and continue. But they don’t know shits, right, Toast?”

“Have I ever told you that you look especially pretty when you say bad words?” he said. “But, yeah. I’m just saying that it won’t be easy.”

“I don’t regret it,” Sykkuno replied, sure, determined. “If I didn’t, we won’t be here, and I won’t have you. You taught me this, Toast. You told me the consequences and I accept them. Honestly, enduring this crazy game and all the consequences afterwards is only the little thing I would do. I’d do more for you. You- you know that, Toast.”

He sighed, fond and exasperated. He prepared himself for the onslaught of slanders and mockeries, decrease of supporters and sponsors, constant articles and talks about them in every platform. Still, this was the path they had taken, and honestly, he was used to those anyways. Why not have some fun while at it? Besides, he got to have this man, right here in his arms, and the journey of discovering and measuring themselves up for the long, arduous path ahead of them wasn’t something that he could regret either.

“Stop with the dramatics,” he said instead, secure in the reassurance that Sykkuno could read what he didn’t say out loud. “I’ll send you something to eat later. Be good, don’t tease the poor saps too much. They’re already headless chickens right now.”

Sykkuno smiled and nodded. “Wouldn’t it be fun, though?”

Oh, it would, alright. It absolutely would. But they had all the time in the world for mind games with the rest of their friends before they found out how disgustingly domestic Sykkuno and Toast had become. He kissed Sykkuno one last time before he had to come home, soft and just a little bit too vulnerable. But he was alright; he would be caught in safe arms if he were to break someday.

“Hey,” Sykkuno whispered, breath warm and still mingling with Toast. They were stalling the game and he knew he would get an earful from a lot of people later, he couldn’t be bothered. Not when Sykkuno was warm and real in his embrace. “Does this mean you’re finally going to buy your own mug?”

His smile was wicked and nasty when he whispered right back, “No.”

Sykkuno’s laughter was a bright, pretty thing, and Toast reveled in the knowledge that it was for him. He opened the front door for him, walked him to the gate, caught Sykkuno as he whirled around, loud and happy in his contentment.

“Hey, Toast?” he said, lips stretched in a pretty smile that he never hid when he was with Toast. “This is going to sound terribly cheesy, but I love you.”

He grinned and kissed him again, just because he could. He could do it all the time, for a long time now. “I love you too, pretty baby. Don’t gloat on me too much, spare my soul.”

“Can’t promise anything,” he hummed. “I do enjoy your torment, after all.”

“Sadistic bastard,” he grumbled without heat, too fond and too affectionate to truly bite.

“I learned from the best,” Sykkuno said smoothly, and went inside the car, waving at him from the opened window.

He waved back a little, watched the car getting away before finally going inside and facing the melodious music of his friends’ confusion and chaotic shouting. He could bend Sykkuno over his new kitchen table, and then take him to the Disneyland, for real this time. Adore him and give him all he wanted, snark and tease him within an inch of his life, love like him like there was nothing else he could do better than this.

Sykkuno really was his Achilles heel, the sun that would burn his wings and plunge him into the ocean, where his delicate fingers would embrace Toast tight and drag him down to a land where they could rule and be together for millennia to come. His pretty baby, his dirty darling, his beloved fever dream—his.

#video blogging rpf #shiki writes #from ao3 #toastkkuno #disguisedtoast #sykkuno

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