#..... with a knife
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I love Pacific Rim because they really said "you can defeat giant monsters with the power of queerplatonic relationships and unspeakable mecha violence".
#pacific rim#if you ship railegh or however it's written and mako#i am in your wakls#with a knife#qpr#queerplatonic relationships
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Allen vs The Roach of Evil
#evillious chronicles#allen avadonia#bug#cockroach#WITH A KNIFE#when tired draw allen#digital#shabart#medium effort golden rain series
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SHIPS IN THE SPOTLIGHT : clexa edition "attack her and you attack me." - lexa kom trikru
#The 100#Clarke Griffin#Lexa kom Trikru#Clexa#the100edit#this is where I started to get the shipping buzz for these two#with a knife#Lexa quite literally broke the proverbial ice
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What Shall We Become 30 - Linda Hamilton
You catch feelings oh fuck oh shit oh no.
On AO3.
You don’t even got a whole second to register what you see. Something moves behind Astarion. Seems to pop up outta the ground like a spud shot outta a potato gun. You catch an impression of something big and hunched and big ass scythe arms, and you move. Plow right into Astarion, tackle the both of you to the ground as something whistles overhead.
The second you hit, you roll away. Let Astarion scramble up, reach for his knives. But that big hook bitch is fast and it is mean. It don’t give him the chance to finish either of those before it swipes at him.
Fucker snags on Astarion’s armor. Saws right through the rope connecting you two. But then Hook Bitch spins, and that fucker is strong. It flicks Astarion up and tosses him into the rock wall behind y’all.
You’re already dumping your pack. Pawing through your shit. Your hands shake. You do your best to focus through that, force them to move despite the shakes. Fumble once. Grit your teeth. Hook Bitch turns to you.
Can’t find no fire bottle or nothing. Just healing, dirt potions, and what the fuck is that one?
No time.
You chuck the mystery bottle.
It hits Hook Bitch square in the chest and shatters. Smells weirdly like peppermint and musty feet? And before you can process much more than that, a blue shimmer engulfs it. It flails, makes a rattling sort of squawk, and the blue flashes and disappears.
When you look again, Hook Bitch is the size of a doberman. A scuttling, hunched doberman with a skesis face and big fucking murder hooks for hands. All of it hissing and squalling at you.
Big bitch? You’re fucked. Mini bitch?
You whack it with your stick. It flinches, but keeps on coming.
“Sonuvabitch! You ugly sonuvabitch!”
Which is when Astarion fucking pounces onto the damned thing and drives his knife through the back of the crusty little skull.
It spasms and drops. Lies on the ground twitching and shivering. Just as the blue shimmer kicks back in and it morphs into its bigger self. A very dead bigger self.
“What the fuck,” you say.
Astarion scoffs and examines the slash in his armor (it does suit him real well) (why the fuck do you keep looking at his damned shoulders).
Y’all were, admittedly, having some kinda moment until that shit jumped y’all.
“You okay?” you say.
He looks at you. Actually looks you square in the eye for the first time in over a week. And it makes your stomach go all fluttery. You blink and try to squash that.
He says something back. But before you can ask, the both of you catch movement. There’s a slope to the right, leading down the cliff towards the chasm that weirdo tree grows out of. And up that slope, bounding like a nightmare kangaroo, is another Hook Bitch.
“Oh shit,” you say.
“Ignis!” Astarion says. Because he can do that. He’s got magic that can light a bitch on fire thank fucking god.
But nothing happens. He looks to his hand, cupped like he’s expecting somebody to hand him change, but ain’t nothing there.
You both stare at that empty hand a second. Then at each other. And then at the Hook Bitch halfway up the damn slope.
And y’all know the drill by now. Don’t gotta say nothing. Y’all turn tail as one and fucking run.
But Astarion can see now, and he’s way faster than you. Even with all the recent practice, you’re stumbling and gasping after him. Hook Bitch is fucking fast. A phrase pops into your head, something about not needing to be able to run faster than a bear, just faster than at least one of your buddies. Oh fuck oh fuck—
Astarion stops, whirls. Reaches for something in his pack, and it’s all one movement, some lord of the rings Legolas shit. That thing is on y’all’s asses what—
A bow. The bow he stashed away once y’all realized he couldn’t see. He pulls it out in a sort of twirling shimmy and somehow manages to do a twisting motion and suddenly the bastard is fucking strung. Goddamn elf shit.
He fires.
It skitters off Hook Bitch’s carapace.
“Fuck us,” you say.
Astarion snarls. Tosses his bow and reaches for his knives again. You make some kinda noise. Not even his name or nothing, not a warning, not a word. Just a noise as your heart jams up your throat to choke you and that thing pounces.
But Astarion dives at the same fucking time. Sails right under the big bitch and lands in a tight roll. Comes up and throws himself backwards.
Because he’s an elf and a motherfucking vampire and he can just do crazy shit like that. Like plunge his knives into that thing’s back like he’s ice climbing. And then pull his way up, stab at a time, as the thing screeches and tries to swipe at him. Them hooks remind you of mantis claws, all curved and serrated and, in y’all’s luck, probably fucking poisonous. But they don’t make very good back scratchers.
Hook Bitch knows this, and you can tell it’s gonna do something horse-stupid. Gonna throw itself onto its back and crush Astarion. But Astarion is too fucking quick. He’s already reached the skull.
He snarls drives that knife, too, into the back of the thing’s head. Stabs it with the other knife for good measure and it’s like whacking a fish in the head with a good billy club. You can see the brain death in the sort of gasp and flail the thing makes: limbs flying wide, mouth dropping, whole body jerking like it licked an electrical outlet.
Astarion calmly rides the body to the ground.
“Holy shit,” you say.
He wrenches his weapons free. Notices the weird-colored goo on the blade and gives it an experimental sniff. Then grimaces and says what you can only surmise to be some kinda, “Ew, no.”
“Okay?” you say in English. Realize ain’t none of your party taught you any form of that in either language they’re teaching you, but you know words like cock and corpse and ain’t that just a fucking snapshot of y’all’s group dysfunction.
Astarion babbles back in Chondathan. The only part you can pick out is the “darling” at the end.
And then he’s gone. A flash of white. A partial shout. The space before you is suddenly empty. And it takes a second to figure out what in the fuck.
A third Hook Bitch. It holds Astarion in its clutches. He’s got a knife between his chest and one of them fuck off hooks, but his arm shakes with the effort of holding it. One slip, and that monstrous fuck’ll rip him open like a can of biscuit dough.
This ain’t like that drow. It ain’t even about that flying mouth bitch you threw that implosion grenade at. You got no capacity to think. No time at all. You hone in on Astarion—he’ll fucking die—and your brain goes all cold and still and direct.
You lift your staff. Lunge. Spear towards that thing’s face. Take out an eye, distract it, whichever. It sees you coming—you ain’t subtle—and snaps out with a clawed foot. Catches your whacking stick and rips it outta your grasp. It goes tumbling over the side of the cliff.
The shining line is already there. You ain’t processing. No strategy or statistics. It’s like you just know what to do. It’s already there, in your brain, and you don’t examine it because you already feel the deep certainty of it. The crocodilian coldness of the knowledge.
You dive between them legs. Toe claws like steak knives. They’d puncture you like a goddamn soup dumpling. But there ain’t room for that here. Cause you’re grabbing the knife the fucking drow used on you. The one you’ve kept in your belt since Astarion handed it over.
It ain’t some big dagger or nothing. A little more sizable than a buck knife, probably not a legal carry where you live. But it’s long enough and it’s sharp as fuck.
Hook Bitch got that carapace. You can’t reach the throat without hopping around and that’s assuming the thing stood still and gave you a fair shot. But there’s generally two places a thing can’t be armored and one of them is the mouth.
You start stabbing up. Towards where you think it has a butthole.
You’re clumsy. Hands shaking. Most of it’s messy slashing along the thighs and taint but you get a couple’a good digs up there. Enough the think shrieks and finally flails back. Swipes at you with a hook. Catches your shoulder, but you barely feel it and you’re already scrambling away. Throw one last, wild slash at the calf, and the thing stumbles, but it don’t go down.
It’s enough. Because while you was stabbing it, it dropped Astarion. And he’s way better than you with a knife.
One punches up through the thing’s lower jaw. He rams the second one through the eye once. Twice. Goo spatters and the thing makes an aborted sound. Twitches hard. Then he’s stepping back, reaching for you with sticky hands, and you both stumble away as the Hook Bitch collapses in a dying, gurgling pile.
At which point your legs give out. A sharp stitch lances up your side. You try to bring the knife up to re-sheath it (knife safety 101) but you almost drop the thing a couple times. And for some godforsaken reason, that’s what makes your eyes start to water.
“Christ fuck,” you say and swipe at your face. Realize your forearms is gummed in gore.
Then a pale hand slips into yours and eases the knife away. Sheathes the blade calmly, and then holds it back out for you.
You look up. Find Astarion staring, looking both bewildered and real fucking deranged. Also holding your pack.
Did you stab that thing in the ass? he wonders.
You stare.
Why did you stab it in the ass?
Because porcupines gotta shit. Can’t shit through armor plates.
You both stand there and stare at each other.
He thinks you’re a mad little creature. And then he cackles.
You look back to the dead thing you did, actually, stab in the ass at least twice. Wonder where in the fuck you got that idea.
Astarion holds out a hand, still covered in gore himself. You only consider that for a second, before you clasp it and let him help you to your feet. Your whole body shakes and you totter like somebody’s meemaw. He hands you your pack, and you take a few, precious moments getting that back over your head.
Then you look up.
You and Astarion are about the same height. Y’all are both spattered in god knows what fucking monster goo. Underneath all that, he stares at you. Red eyes focused right on you, and wow, his lips sure do look soft, huh? How come you never noticed that before? Or the way his adam’s apple bobs as he swallows.
You should lick it.
And that thought right there catches you so pants-down gobsmacked you damn near flinch away (and instead stop breathing for a second).
You…do not think that sort of thing. You ain’t never really thought that sorta thing. It’s kinda up there with noticing Rachel Olmstead’s tits when you was in the throes of puberty.
You feel all warm and, and shifting.
Oh.
Oh what the fuck.
Oh no.
Astarion looks at you and something in his face changes. Goes all, like, intent. But also soft? At the same time? His gaze flicks down. To your lips, you think.
Oh god. You should move away. But he’s right there and you just thought about licking the man’s neck and…is that warmth shooting to your crotch?
Sweet baby jesus, it is.
Holee shit. Oh lord, you done went and did it now. Oh no. Oh no.
He says a word. You recognize it: lips. But he’s changed the end. Made it…a verb? What—
You ain’t getting enough air. Have to suck in a huge lungful. Which snaps his attention back to your mouth. He’s asking a question. Lips, but a verb.
…kiss? He’s asking to kiss you, isn’t he.
He says it again. Good god, he’s breathing harder, too. Or maybe it’s just how close y’all are. You was between his legs a day or two ago with his fucking tongue on your goddamn neck and is this shit fucking contagious? You didn’t get all, all…twitterpated then?
Except.
You maybe kinda did.
Not like this! Nowhere near like this. But you’d been squirming. Trying real hard not to focus on the scent of him and the vibration of his voice on your fucking skin and just how close you were to where his own legs joined. And all the while, the man was just enjoying his meal. Wasn’t like he sounded like he was doing something else.
Astarion stands there. Leans in slow. Real slow. Giving you time. Asking you all blatant because he knows you already said you weren’t interested.
Except.
Except you’re leaning in, too. Heart slamming against your ribs. Brain gone all light-headed. You…want to kiss him. Good god almighty. You want to kiss the man.
Suddenly he pulls back. Whip-crack fast. Leaves you standing in the chill with your pulse pounding in your ears and heat mixing with oily dread and shame. You fucked this up. He came to his senses. Oh god, what the fuck is even happening—
“Drow,” he says, tone hard, staring off into the dark y’all’d emerged from.
You peer out like you’re gonna see something. And don’t. But he’s all sharpness now, part barn cat on the prowl, and part alley cat being prowled.
He looks at you. His cool hand finds yours.
Y’all run.
#what shall we become#these two shitheads#astarion#astarion fic#tavstarion#slow BURN#it's burning now boys#Eleanor shows her qualities#which is flailing like a muppet#with a knife#lost in a cave
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face reveal
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Looks like you forgot the TRUE alt fashion icon:
#fighting the trauma all the while creating stylish outfits for every location?#omg what an icon#she slays#with a knife#american mcgee's alice#alice madness returns#lgbtq#shower thoughts
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Booping him
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Meet the little guys that live in my apartment
We have Rufus
Audrey III
And the unknowable one
#reanimator#re animator#little shop of horrors#worm on a string#With a knife#Not pictured: spider that lives right outside our front door
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.. Is this the face of a hero?
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My blood has officially been stolen! They got four vials of it đź’”
#I WAS SO BRAVE THO#I DID SO WELL GUYS#and then I ate icecream because I deserved it and also sugar#with a knife#im out of any other utensil#blah blah blah#delete later#OH SORRY I MEAN I GOT BLOOD TAKEN FOR ANALYSIS SORRY FORGOT TO CONFIRM
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HEY!! I'M FAE!! :D
fae, faerie, that one chick who's been peer diagnosed with autism
she/they, filo 🇵đź‡
+18 nsfw / sfw blog where i post art, try to write, and reblog everything i can get my grubby hands on
i mainly post and reblog stuff for my fixations, which are lyney from genshin impact, sunday from honkai star rail, luka from alien stage, ichimatsu from osomatsu-san, and that appallingly idiotic "OPEN THE BLOODY GATES HUHU" curly haired chucklefuck bastard aradin beno from baldur's gate 3 (i hope it's obvious that i do not blindly adore aradin here)
you can find me on ao3 and... yeah, that's it really LMAO
it's me and my one tav x aradin fic against the world (very slow to update, seeing as i'm fighting a long war against my fear of self-expression)
(in order of fixation) fandoms i'm in currently:
baldur's gate 3!! (the main focus of this blog for now, seeing as my mind is hardwired to be a fiend for it)
genshin impact, honkai star rail, honkai impact 3rd (don't quiz me on part 2 / still stuck in elysium realm era)
alien stage, ethel cain (not sure if i can call that fanbase a fandom so don't mind me), yaelokre, osomatsu-san, reverse 1999, skullgirls, needy streamer overload, omniscient reader's viewpoint, the greatest estate developer, the remarried empress, etc. etc. etc.
(to be updated) tags i mainly use:
#i want to crush aradin like a soda can — self explanatory, tag for aradin based beno pilled posts (mute if needed)
#holy lamb stew — tag for my fanfic with the same name :3
in any case, hope you'll stick around!! or at least hear me out!! stay sexy!!!
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DARK HORSE COMICS YOU CUNTING MOTHERFUCKERS
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crisp kirby png
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What did you do with that knife, Darlypops?
Nothing.
#I drew Darlypops again#with a knife#while being in a moving car#cuz that’s the kind of chaos that they deserve#enjoy#Fruiggy doodles#content that’s for practically no one
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propaganda post for @smallartistocbracket
(again very busy sorry it's only a sketch)
Vote for Jack or he will get you!
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i hate it when southern accents are dictated in writing with "ah" replacing "i." i know it might sound a bit like that but it bothers me SO much its so fuckinf jarring just write "i." !!!!
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