#... these men will be the fucking death of me

[cressidagrey]

Holy Ground - Chapter 3

Summary:

Nobody knew that Azriel found his mate. Until she nearly died. This is the aftermath.

Warning:

Rhys Bashing (as usual), Inner Circle Bashing (kinda), Referenced/Implied Sexual Assault, Referenced/Implied Domestic Violence, Discussion of Religion(?), Chronic Injury/Pain/Illness, Minor Character Death (It's probably nobody you love), Magical Work Accidents, Explosions, Injuries

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please take care of your own mental health and don't read it.

The library was supposed to be a safe space. The priestesses were supposed to be sheltered there.

A place far away from the terrors of the world. A place where they could study and learn far from the grasp of those who would harm them.

But clearly today that peace had been destroyed, Rhys reflected weakly. 

Merrill was dead. 

Neither Cassian or Rhys had let Gwyn see the…carnage of that, Nesta and Emerie bracketing her away from…her fellow priestesses’ corpse…and Irena…

Rhys had to keep repeating the words to himself, over and over again. Like a litany, a prayer, desperately trying to make them stick. 

Irena was alive. Irena would be fine.

 She would be alright, even though she looked so, so pale, deathly pale in Azriel's arms.

Irena.

Irena, who Azriel had saved around two centuries ago…

Not from the horrors of the war but from her husband.

The daughter of a merchant, married off young, to one of the richest men in the midlands…she had been raised to run an estate…had excelled at it in fact. And her husband had excelled in killing young girls.

The things he had put her through... The things he had done... 

Azriel, who had found her and brought her to Velaris had been shocked that she'd stayed in one piece to be honest. Rhys had been shocked too.

And once she had been in the library…she had excelled once more.

Rhys had gotten long used to see her handwriting, not long suffering Clotho’s, fill out the sheets with expenditures and acquisitions.

She had cut the fat, made sure that the House of Wind was self sufficient, thanks to research requests being able to be submitted, thanks to patents and the gardens…

Irena had been a godssend. Literally. 

Rhys wasn't quite sure how they had survived before her.

But the last fucking thing he had expected was that…her and Azriel were…mates.

Rhysand had not seen that coming in a million years

But there was no question about it.

If Irena's thoughts, an utter mess of shock and pain and grief and agony...with the only thing that ran through it the whole time was her thread to Azriel wouldn't have been a dead giveaway...then it would have been Azriel's behaviour.

Azriel who had gone on his knees next to the priestess, his hands slick with her blood and had simply clung to her. He had begged her, his voice broken.

Rhys would never forget the sound of his brother's voice, the pure desperation bleeding from every single letter. Please. We haven't had enough time. I am going to be so furious with you if you die. We may have our first fight. Don't you dare. Open your eyes. Look at me, love. You can't go. Fight.

That look on Azriel's face as he had held her close, refusing to let go as he tried to will her back from death's clutches. The words he had kept murmuring like a prayer. A desperate mantra to the Mother, the Cauldron, anyone who would listen.

Azriel was never the most expressive of them. He rarely even showed a flicker of emotion for most things. To see him lose so much control, to beg. To see tears in his eyes. None of them had ever seen him like that before, had ever even considered the possibility of him acting like that.

He was always composed. Always calm, collected, in control. To see him on his knees next to Irena, begging her not to leave as he pressed kisses to her forehead and kept telling her to stay with him…

For a moment, it had felt like he had forgotten the others even existed. That nothing had mattered except her pulse, the slight rise and fall of her chest. The only thing that had mattered to him in that moment was that she was still with him, still alive.

She was important to him. There was no question about it. 

Sometime during the last few years, that Priestess had become the Shadowsinger’s whole focus. 

Sometime in the past, Irena had become Azriel's whole world.

And Rhys hadn't known. Had known nothing about this.

He could feel the guilt clawing up inside him. 

Rhys had had no fucking clue this was happening, right underneath his nose. 

That he had never noticed that Azriel's eyes lingered on Irena…had never noticed that Azriel sought her company…hadn’t known that Azriel had spent time with her… 

Rhys hadn't known. Hadn't...hadn't even thought about it.

Azriel had pulled back from them after that catastrophic solstice and Rhys had let him. Had thought that Azriel needed to lick his wounds...that maybe then he would see it Rhysand's way...but none of this happened.

Azriel had kept his anger tightly leashed, even though Rhys had gotten a taste of it every time he badgered him. But Azriel hadn’t exploded. 

Instead, he had been vicious in throwing Rhysan’ own words back into his face. 

There didn’t pass one day where Rhys didn’t regret that one sentence, because Azriel was clearly… furious about it. 

Azriel had grown distant...cold...unfeeling. And Rhys had badgered him and got on his nerves and figured that if Azriel would just get it out of his system… but he didn't. Didn't get angry. Didn't fight. Didn't scream...Rhys would have preferred it if he did.

What wouldn't he give to have that old Azriel back, the one who actually got mad? Who didn't just accept everything with a nod and a word of acknowledgment. Who talked to Rhysand, who told him when he'd done something wrong. Who fought with him if he went too far, who made his opinion known. Who told him to his face when he was being an arrogant prick, who didn't just accept his commands with a quiet nod.

But now it made sense. Azriel hadn't fucking cared what Rhys did, what any of the did, because his priorities had been rearranged completely. As long as he could get home to his priestess...he hadn't cared.

He did all the missions Rhys had for him and then went home to the House of Wind and found one quiet corner or another to romance his mate, out of the view from everybody else. 

And that was the worst part. That Rhys had been such a prick to Azriel, so wrapped up in his own worries, his own fears, that he hadn't even noticed that something had shifted so fundamentally in his brother. Had pushed him so far away.

Rhys had thought that they were simply…in a rought spot. That in a few years, Azriel would be over Elain and it would be done. But now Rhys realised that…that it wasn’t about Elain. Not really.  

Rhys had never realized how deep this was, how close to the breaking point he'd taken his brother.

Deep enough that the fact that Azriel had found his mate...that was something that Azriel didn't share with any of them. Something that happy... Azriel had just kept silent.

Azriel hadn’t trusted them with the most treasured and precious thing in his life. 

And that hurt. Hurt more than he could put into words. 

That Azriel had found the one person who he was destined for, the only one who was perfect for him in the entire world. The one person who would love and cherish him, who would complete him, who would accept him as he was, who would understand him...and he hadn't told Rhys. Hadn't told any of them.

Azriel hadn't told anyone that he had found his mate. 

Had kept that to himself for who knew how long. Just how long had it been? When had he figured out they were mated? 

“Bring her to her room,” Madja said at the moment. And Rhys watched as seemingly some colour went back into Irena's cheeks, her eyes closed, her breathing still laboured…her mind filled with Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. and Safe, Safe, Safe. 

“My room,” Azriel corrected, his voice fierce. The mating instincts must have gone completely haywire at that very moment, not soothed at all, even when he had pressed a kiss against her forehead moments before.

.“Your room?” Gwyn asked sharply, staring at Azriel, then at still, quiet Irena. She seemed to be utterly shell-shocked, not that Rhys could fault her. 

"Gwyn," Rhys said carefully. It was best if none of them...interfered right now. This was between Azriel and his mate.

"Az, how long have the two of you..." Cassian asked, clearly having come to the same conclusion, but Rhys interrupted him. *Leave him be,* he warned their brother.

*Leave him be?! I had no idea that he and Irena are...whatever the fuck they are!*

“Two years. She’s my mate,” Azriel answered, not even looking at any of them, completely concentrated on said mate. 

"Mate," Irena agreed weakly. "Mine."

"Yours," Azriel agreed, his voice hoarse, as he picked her up carefully like his mate was made out of spun glass. "Let's tuck you into bed, Love," he told her softly. 

And off his spymaster went carrying the priestess that was his mate.

Rhys could just stare after them. 

"Did you know?" Cassian demanded sharply.

"I had absolutely no fucking clue," Rhys admitted weakly.

He felt the guilt swirling inside him, deep and bitter and vicious. He should have known. He should have realized and supported Azriel.

But it had been Rhys who had pushed him so far away that he hadn't told him. That he didn't even think that he could tell Rhys that he had found his mate.

And it hurt. Gods, it hurt. To know that Azriel had kept something that he should have been so happy about to himself just so he wouldn't have to deal with Rhys's bullshit.

Cassian started barking orders...About a stretcher and about Merrill's body...It would be taken away and prepared for the last rites. 

It wasn't often that one of the priestesses died. It wasn't...They were safe here. They were supposed to be safe here...but whatever happened in this room…

“What even happened?” Rhys asked, as he turned around to surview the carnage. 

It was bad. Really bad. 

“Irena went to talk to Merill, because Merrill got…angry with one of the newer acolytes…” Gwyn said, her voice shaky. “Merrill was in a bad mood because Irena forbid her newest research project.”

Her newest research project? It was well known that Merrill was brilliant. So for Irena to…

"Why did she forbid it?" Rhys asked curiously.

"It involved some form of spell crafting. Irena wanted Merrill to have supervision from a spellcrafter, because it was a language that none of us actually understood and we didn’t eve know about what kind of spell it was…Merill didn't think that was needed," Gwyn said weakly, wiping away tears. "And now look where that got us. God, how could Merrill be this stupid?"

"It wasn't stupidity, it was probably arrogance," Cassian said with a sigh. "It's dumb luck that only...that only Irena got hurt.

Rhys couldn't but agree with Cassian's assessment. It was a miracle that Irena was alive. That she'd survived when Merrill’s body was…near unrecognisable….clearly it had been closer to whatever had blown up in their faces

Merrill had probably thought she knew what she was doing, but she didn't have the skill or training to work on advanced spell work. I

rena wasn’t the type of person who would deny research on a whim either. If she believed that Merrill needed supervision then Merrill had needed supervision.

Irena was clever. And cautious. 

Azriel's mate was a damn good judge of character after all.

Gods, Azriel's mate. What a thought…

The spymaster and the priestess. Rhys’ near silent brother and…and gentle, caring Irena, the beating heart of the library. 

Rhys would need to wrap his mind around that in private. 

“I’ll seal…this room,” Rhys said quietly. So nobody could enter. And then he would probably turn Amren loose in it, to turn around every fucking stone, so that they figured out what that spell had been that had reacted like it. The last thing they needed was for the spell to have any sort of consequences that involved Irena. 

"Clotho," he greeted the priestess as she arrived, inclining his head. 

What happened? she demanded, holding out her usual piece of paper. 

Rhys felt his stomach churn at that question.  

How the hell were they supposed to tell Clotho that not only one of the priestesses had tragically died…but one of the others was currently holed up in an Illyrian warrior's room, recovering from injuries that should have killed her, and that said Illyrian warrior was said priestess's mate, so was probably not going to leave her alone anytime soon?

And that was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to the absolute clusterfuck this whole situation was. There was nothing to do except to simply tell Clotho the truth and hope that she didn't have a breakdown.

"There was an...accident. Merrill is dead," he told her bluntly.

For a moment Clotho was just frozen in place. But he could tell that his words had hit her hard. That she was shocked, horrified, stunned beyond belief. HOW?!

And Rhys took a deep breath, trying to find a way to explain what had happened. 

To explain how one of her charges had been killed in a room where she was supposed to be safe…How her own experimentation, her own research had killed her…

And how no one had even noticed that a priestess had been mated. 

No...how the shadowsinger had mated to a Priestess and hadn't even thought to tell them because Rhys had acted like such as bastard to his brotherthat Azriel had actually thought it preferable to keep his mating bond a secret.

"Merill didn't listen when Irena turned down her research proposal," Gwyn said suddenly with a shaky voice. "Irena went to talk to her this afternoon, because Merill made Meera cry...It looks like the spell that she was taking apart went...haywire. Merill was killed in the backlash...Irena was hurt.”

Rhys just nodded. It was a reasonable explanation, even if it didn't cover everything that had gone on. At this point in time, he was almost more concerned about Clotho than anything else. The poor female looked ready to collapse.

I told Merill to keep away from that spellbook. We still don’t know what it even contained, Clotho agreed, even her handwriting looking shaky. 

He could tell that she was in shock and grief. Could imagine how she must be feeling. Clotho protected the Priestesses with all she had. They were her flock. To lose one of her charges...There was no way that Clotho would not blame herself.

She was going to blame herself for something that wasn't her fault at all. And the thought made Rhys feel sick to his stomach.

Clotho had enough weight on her shoulders already, the last thing she needed was guilt over something that was not even her fault.

IRENA?! Clotho demanded sharply.

"Alive, if just barely," Rhys informed her, trying to push down his own guilt at the thought. "Madja is with her."

In the dormitory?

"No, in Azriel's room," Cassian said bluntly. "Apparently they have been mates for... two years.”

Clotho's head snapped around, facing Cassian, her eyes wide. 

Nobody had seen that coming, not even one of Irena’s closest friends. 

It seemed like both of them had kept it quiet. Azriel must have so badly wanted to protect his mate from…from him, that…

The thought made Rhys feel sick. Azriel would rather keep his mate a secret than reveal to Rhys that he had found her. 

Than tell him that he had found his perfect match, that there was a female in this world that loved him above all others, who understood him, who supported him.

And it was all Rhys' own fault. 

He didn't have any other thought. There was no other explanation. If a friend didn't trust him enough to confide in him that he had found his mate, it was because he had done something wrong. So wrong that Azriel hadn't felt like he could tell him.

She wanted to be with him? Clotho demanded.

"From the look of it, she was barely conscious, but still claimed him as hers. And Azriel certainly seemed to think that she would want to be with him," Rhys told Clotho. 

And why wouldn't she? He was her mate. Her mate. 

"He won't do anything to her," Cassian said fiercely. "She's his mate."

Rhys agreed with that. Of all the males in existence, Azriel was by far the least likely to do anything that Irena would not like. Hell, he wouldn't do anything that might make her even feel mildly uncomfortable. And if she told him to back off, he would give her as much space as she needed.

"Mor, whatever Clotho needs," he told his cousin, who had brought Madja there, who just inclined her head, seemingly shaken. "I'll seal of this room...we'll need to...figure out what to do with it," he said softly. "Clotho, whatever form of memorial you would like to hold...take all the time you need and then let me know."

Clotho looked at him sharply before nodding weakly. She probably wouldn't need his help when it came to something like this. She knew how to handle something like this. How to give her fallen a last farewell.

"I want to check on Irena," Gwyn said, her hands shaking as she crossed her arms.

Rhys nodded. That was fair. Of course Gwyn wanted to check on her friend. And at this point all anyone could really do was wait anyway. "Let me seal the room and then we can go," he said softly. "But I need to warn you, Azriel will be...overprotective," he told her. "Chances are, he won't let you get close to her at all."

"I don't have any doubt about that," Gwyn said dryly. "But she's my friend. I should at least be allowed to check on her."

***

He cleaned the blood of her skin...The shadows procured one of Irena's nightgowns. She didn't protest when he held her up and Madja pulled the soiled, ruined dress from her body...didn't even flinch away from his touch on her naked skin.

They had never gone further than some heated...kisses...further than his hands slipping under her nightgown and pressing against her soft skin. He had never wanted to push. Azriel had been willing to give her all the time in the world. 

It had taken months until she had been ready for a hug…longer for a kiss. And he had waited. Gladly. He had gladly waited, because it was worth the wait. She was worth the wait. 

Her marriage wasn't something that she was just going to get over, and Azriel was never ever going to push her for more than she willingly offered him. 

He had never wanted to undress her under these circumstances. So he closed his eyes, and pressed a kiss to her head, not looking at all. 

Irena didn't make a sound, didn't even really respond...just stared into the distance. He wasn't even sure she really noticed what was happening to her. Wasn't sure she even noticed Madja cleaning the wounds…cleaning thin, silver lines, scars of her past, mostly hidden by her clothing, but still visible. 

This was also when they saw the rest of the wounds...and the fact that her bad leg was broken.

Madja bandaged it carefully, stuffing pillows underneath it to keep it elevated, wrapped the rest of her bruises and scrapes with a tincture.

Still, once she was clean, no more debris in her hair, her skin as clean as he could get it...and the new nightgown was fitted over her skin, he tugged her underneath the thick goose feather stuffed duvet and then the furs.

There was no resistance on Irena’s part. She just let him do as he pleased, let herself be maneuvered and tucked in with the patience of a parent settling a little girl into bed. She didn't say anything. Didn't protest at all, even when he curled his own large body around her smaller frame, even when his wings came around her, shielding her from the outside world.

But she didn't move to snuggle up to him either. Didn't reach for him, didn't try to press her body into his. Just...allowed him to pull her close and hold her as tightly as he wanted. Her body was limp and unmoving, the only emotion on her face a sort of...emptiness. A blank expression that...it was terrifying.

He wrapped his arms around her with a sigh, running a gentle hand through her hair with a sigh. He knew that she was in shock. That she had just survived something terrible, something traumatic. So it wasn't surprising that she wasn't really responsive at the moment, that her skin felt like ice to him and that she was shaking slightly, trembling…

But the instinct to comfort her, to protect her from everything that might hurt her was roaring in his chest. He couldn't pull away from her, even though he knew he should. Even though he knew he should just be thankful that he had her, that she was here, in his hands, breathing.

She felt so thin in his hands. So fragile. Like she might break if he didn't hold her close. And that feeling, the knowledge of how vulnerable his mate was, it was almost too much for him to bear.

“I have pain potions and a sleeping draught,” Madja said quietly.

Azriel felt his jaw clench at the mention of a sleeping draught. He wanted Irena to rest, needed her to sleep away some of the horrors, but there was also some instinct in him that revolted at the idea of making her vulnerable like that. That revolted at the thought of knocking his mate out when she couldn't protect herself.

“Is that alright, love?” He asked her softly.

She didn't answer. Didn't even stir. The only sign that she had heard his question at all was the way her fingers clenched more tightly in his shirt. The only outward sign that she even understood that he was there at all. That she could even hear him. "Love?" He asked again, his voice a gentle murmur. "Do you want the sleeping draught, love?"

“Sleep?” She repeated weakly. 

“Sleep.” He promised her.

She simply opened her mouth in response, letting him pour it down her throat and swallowed.

He ran gentle fingers through her hair as the potion began to take effect. As her eyelids drooped and her limbs went loose and he could almost watch the tension leaving her body. He couldn't help but press a soft, tender kiss to the crown of her head.

Azriel couldn't put into words how good it felt to have her in his arms like this. To have her safe and protected and healing.

Madja left with the promise to be back soon…and as soon as she left there was a knock at the door. He didn’t want to deal with his brothers. 

*We could bar the door, master,* the shadows offered.

Azriel considered that for a long moment. It was tempting. Really, really tempting to just let the shadows seal the door and tell everyone to fuck off. That they could deal with the rest of the world later and he could just focus on Irena for now.

He knew that he couldn't though. Knew that he couldn't keep the world away from Irena. For all that he would like to protect her from all the harm in this world and lock her away into the safety of his arms, he knew that he couldn't do that. And that Rhys would throw a fit if he didn't let them in immediately.

He sighed softly, his arms tightening around his mate. He didn't want to deal with his brothers right now. Didn't want to deal with Rhys lecturing him about his decisions. Didn't want the pity and understanding in Cassian's eyes, his careful kindness. He didn't want to have to hold up the strong facade when his brother pushed and pushed and pushed.

“Come in,” he said flatly.

Azriel sighed softly as the door was opened and his brothers entered, both looking at him with concern. There was something else in Rhys' eyes, something that he wasn't sure how to name. The High Lord had an indecipherable look on his face as he moved to come stand next to the bed.

But it was Gwyn that shouldered both Rhys and Cassian out of the way, that immediately went to Irena’s bedside.

“She’s asleep,” he warned her softly. “Madja gave her a sleeping draught.”

The Valkyrie moved in silence, but Azriel could tell that she desperately wanted to reach out and touch her friend. Could tell that there was some instinct in her to touch Irena, to comfort her, that she was fighting against. He almost felt bad for her, knowing how hard it must have been to hold back that urge to offer comfort, knowing how desperately she had to want to soothe her friend's pain.

He knew that the two of them were close. That Irena was well liked by practically every priestess…That Roslin was her very best friend, but that she also got along with seemingly everybody else, including Gwyn. 

 And he wanted to let her get close to his mate. He really did. But the need to keep his mate safe was too strong. Was something that he couldn't fight against. So he just pulled Irena more firmly into his chest.

His only saving grace was that Gwyn seemed to understand. Didn't even try to argue with him or demand to get close to his mate. She just stayed at a respectable distance and didn't protest when he pulled Irena closer to his chest.

He could tell that she recognized his possessive nature for what it was. Just a desperate instinct to hold and protect his mate from further harm. And she didn't argue with him. 

“You are the one who gets her the tea and the cookies, aren’t you?” She asked him suddenly. “I was wondering where she got them from. They were always good but the tea has definitely gotten better the last two years.” 

*See, Master?!* the shadows cooed, seemingly heaving and then coming to blanket Irena in their very presence too. *We are getting her the best tea!*

They seemed very pleased with themselves. 

Azriel knew that when he wasn’t in Velaris, some of the shadows even kept Irena company through the night, cuddling themselves beneath her blankets with her. He also knew that Irena loved it.

Knew better than anyone even his shadows that those moments of comfort, those little gestures, mattered more to his mate than any large gifts ever could. Irena had never cared about large gestures, about pricy gifts, didn’t care about gifts or public displays of  affection. 

But those little things…she loved those little things. Loved her shadows coming to spend time with her…loved it when he gave her a back rub to ease the pain in her back, or when the shadows brought her the tea that she liked or her favourite cookies.

And Azriel…he loved giving her that.  He was happy to provide each and every one of them. He would do anything for her at this point. Would bring her anything that she asked for with enthusiasm. Because he loved it when her face lit up or when she smiled when he brought her something she didn't expect to get. That was something that he would never get tired of.

Azriel would never get tired of watching her face light up with happiness at the smallest of gifts that he gave her. Would never tire of feeling those little gestures bring her even a small moment of happiness. It brought him somuch joy to see her delighted by something so small. Made something inside of him fill with warmth.

“I’ll let her sleep,” Gwyn said softly. “Tell her when she’s awake that she owes us all the gossip. None of us had a clue that the two of you were seeing each other.”

Azriel inclined his head in response, a soft grin pulling at his lips despite everything. "I'll be sure to tell her." Not that he thought that there was anything to gossip about.

Gwyn left with another smile. Which left him with his brothers. 

“Az.” Cassian said with a weary sigh. ”What the fuck.”

Azriel frowned sharply, a low growl rumbling in his chest as he looked at his brother. His arms tightened around Irena unconsciously, the protective instinct coming into play.

He knew Cassian, knew all too well that his brother liked to be a pain in his ass, liked to push him further than he wanted to be pushed. "I'm not in the mood for your bullshit, Cassian," he warned his brother in a low growl. "Say whatever it is that you feel the need to say, and then get out."

He knew that he probably looked completely insane. Knew that he looked like a madman clutching onto Irena with an iron grip and growling at anyone who dared get too close. But he couldn't help it. Couldn't help the instincts that seemed to be pulling at every muscle in his body, couldn't stop the tension that was coiling tight as a spring.

“How long has… this been going on?“ Rhys asked delicately. 

“Two years at next Starfall,“ Azriel answered flatly.

Cassian whistled softly at that. "Two years?!" He asked incredulously. "And you didn't think to tell us?"

Azriel's jaw clenched automatically at the words. 

He had thought to tell them. Numerous times. 

He had just never wanted to. 

First he had wanted to let things settle and solidify before announcing it to his family and letting them come swarming in to analyse their relationship…Later…later he just hadn’t wanted to. 

They were completely happy when nobody knew. Why change it? 

Azriel knew that he probably should have anticipated this reaction. Probably should have expected his brothers to be confused and annoyed, probably should have anticipated them wanting to know more. But he just hadn't wanted to deal with the questions and inquiries and curiosity and judgement. 

So he had kept his relationship with Irena a secret.

“It was none of your business,” he said simply.

Cassian stared at him, dark eyes pained.  “We are your brothers,” he said quietly.  

“Quite frankly, I just didn’t want to deal with whatever opinion you cook up about us,” Azriel said flatly.  His brothers were way too nosy and curious for their own good. Always had been. “We are happy. I didn’t want you to ruin that.”

They would have never respected his privacy or any boundary he had tried to set up. 

He knew that Cassianwas probably annoyed that he hadn’t told him about his relationship with Irena. Knew that he was probably feeling left out and...excluded. That he was hurt that Azriel had kept this from him. But he just couldn’t find it within himself to feel any sympathy at the moment. Not when his patience was already wearing thin. Not when he could still feel the fear of almost losing Irena thrumming under his skin.

He couldn’t deal with this right now. Couldn’t handle whatever pity or lecturing his brother would give him. Just wanted to hold his mate and try to keep the fear of losing her at bay.

That fear was already too much, already consuming him and threatening to swallow him whole. The only thing that kept him sane, the only thing that kept him from falling apart was the knowledge that his mate, his Irena, was safe in his arms. And he needed to focus on that if he wanted to keep it together.

“Azriel.” Rhys’ choice was choked.

Azriel stiffened at the sound, his attention flicking to his brother automatically. There was something in Rhys’ voice, some emotion in his eyes that Azriel couldn’t quite discern right now.

He had heard his brother choked or emotional or desperate before, but this was something else. This was emotion in his brother that he had never seen before: raw, unfiltered, and painful.

The tone of Rhys’ voice, the almost anguished look in his eyes had Azriel holding his breath for a moment. Had his heartbeat picking up speed as he waited for his brother to speak.

The tension was heavy and thick as he waited, his muscles coiled tight as he waited for Rhys to speak. His whole body tense like a tightly wound spring.

“I am sorry,” Rhys whispered quietly.

Azriel stiffened slightly at that, his eyes widening almost imperceptibly. His muscles were still tense, still ready for a fight, but the raw apology in Rhys' words, the emotion in his voice...it surprised him.

It was unexpected. He had expected the anger and the hurt and the bitterness, not the raw emotion in his brother’s voice. Not the apology.

He almost couldn’t believe his ears, almost wanted to ask his brother to repeat himself. But he just stayed quiet instead, just tensed and listened and waited for his brother to continue speaking.

He couldn't even blink as he waited, as he hung on every slight movement or small change in expression on his brothers face. The tension was so thick, so heavy he could almost taste it. But he still didn't move an inch. Just waited, every muscle still as a statue as he watched his brother with an almost desperate intensity.

“I am sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t want to hurt you,” Rhys said quietly. “I…we would have been happy for you,” Rhys promised him fiercely. 

Azriel felt his throat go dry at the words. The apology, the admission of his brother's intent to protect him, it was so unexpected that he almost couldn’t comprehend it. He felt some of the tension drain from his body, some of the tightness in his muscles loosening slightly.

Azriel's eyes widened almost imperceptibly, his heart pounding so hard in his chest that he almost couldn't hear anything else over the sound. The raw emotion in his brother's voice, the sincerity in those simple words...it was overwhelming.

“You were hurt,” Rhys said softly. “I understand. But you could have come to us any time over the last two years and told us and we would have been a happy for you,” he promised him fiercely.

"Would you have really?" Azriel asked softly. "Would you really have been happy for us and not made a problem out of nothing?"

He wanted to believe his brother, truly he did. But there was still a small part of him, the small part that had been hurt and mistreated and rejected so many times before, that was waiting for the other shoe to drop. The part of him that was looking for a catch, looking for the sign that this was just another manipulation.

He didn't want to feel this way, didn't want to look for the betrayal and rejection that had been written into his very soul. But he couldn't help it. Couldn't help the small part of him that was constantly looking for the next blow, bracing for rejection and hurt.

“We would have,” Cassian said fiercely. “You found your mate, Az.”

Azriel nodded slowly.

“How did you even hide it?” Cassian demanded, crossing his arms.

“I do know how to use a sound shield,” Azriel gave back flatly. 

Cassian let out a low chuckle at that, shaking his head as he grinned. "Well, you've always been more adept at keeping secrets than I am," he teased, a sly grin pulling at his lips. “ Since when do you sleep surrounded by furs by the way?” Cassian muttered.

“Irena gets cold,” he said simply.

“Wait, she spend the nights here with you?” Cassian suddenly realised.

"None of your business," Azriel replied flatly, not even trying to hide his annoyance with the nosy question. "Just focus on keeping your own mate happy, brother."

“How do you even sneak her up here?!”

"None of your business," Azriel repeated flatly. "My relationship with my mate is my own business, not yours."

He knew that he was being stubborn, that he was probably being unreasonable right now. But he couldn't help it. His emotions were too raw, too overwhelming for him to handle the intrusion into his personal life. He just wanted to focus on Irena and making sure she was okay, not on his brother's questions and prodding into the details of his relationship.

It was none of their business how he and Irena spent their time together, how they snuck around the house without being caught. That was something private, something sacred between them. And he wasn't going to share it with anyone, not even his own brothers.

He just wanted to protect that intimacy between him and his mate, wanted to keep it safely guarded from prying eyes that might not understand. He knew that his brothers cared about him, but he also knew that they could be too nosy for their own good sometimes. 

“…is she aware what these furs mean?” Cassian asked him pointedly. 

Was she aware that Azriel was laying claim to her with every single one of those furs that he hunted for her? Aware that he was following Illyrian tradition, regardless of how much…of how fucked up it was in many senses? 

“Yes,” he said simply. Kinda. A little bit. 

"So it's...serious?" Cassian asked him.

"She's my mate," he snapped back.

Cassian held up his hands in a pacifying gesture, a sheepish expression on his face.

Azriel let out a low groan, rubbing a hand over his face. "Just…leave it alone," he said tiredly. "Please. I'm not in the mood for any more questions right now."

He just wanted to be alone with Irena, wanted to hold her close and let the warmth of her body soothe his frayed nerves. He didn't want to deal with his brothers and their incessant questioning. Didn't want to talk about his relationship with Irena or how serious it was. He just wanted to be with her and that was it.

. His emotions were just too raw, too close to the surface for him to hold back. He just wanted a moment of peace, of quiet, with his mate.

He just wanted to hold her close and breathe in the scent of her skin, wanted to feel her warmth against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her protectively. He just wanted to know that she was safe, that she was still here with him. Was that really too much to ask?

He let out a long breath, trying to calm the whirlwind of emotions swirling within him. He didn't want to be angry, didn't want to be frustrated. But he couldn't help it, couldn't help the surge of protective instincts that came over him every time he thought about how close he had come to losing his mate.

"If you need anything, let us know," Rhys said quietly.

Azriel stiffened at the words, his hands curling into fists at his sides automatically. He knew that Rhys was only trying to be supportive, that he was only trying to offer his help. But Azriel didn't want that. Didn't want his brother's help or sympathy. He just wanted to be left alone with his mate.

He wanted to protect her himself, to take care of her and keep her safe without his brothers' interference. He knew that Rhys only meant well, but that knowledge did nothing to calm his instincts. All he could think about was how close he had come to losing his mate, how close he had come to never seeing her again. And the thought terrified him.

It made his heart clench and his gut twist in fear and pain, his hands clenching tight as he struggled to keep his emotions under control. He didn't want to be vulnerable, didn't want to let his brothers see how much this had affected him. But he knew that it was pointless to try and hide it, that his brothers could probably see the rawness of his emotions written all over his face.

Azriel didn't try to argue with his brother, didn't try to explain himself. He just nodded.

[demonic0angel]

DC x DP: Jazz decides her boyfriend and his dad need some family therapy over this whole "Kill the Joker/Only Lock Up the Joker" disagreement they have. Eventually they compromise: They lock him up in Walker's ghost prison!

“If you loved me, you would’ve avenged me!”

“You know I can’t break that promise to myself! If I kill, then what’s stopping me from killing others?! We are not judge, jury or executi—”

“Shut your damn mouth! You have no backbone, that’s why! You spineless, weak, pathetic excuse of a—”

“Jason!” Jazz barked, glancing at Bruce’s expression, which had entirely closed off from hurt. Jason winced, also realizing what he said, but he pursed his lips and didn’t say a word, too prideful to make the first move and apologize.

Jazz rubbed her forehead and looked at her notes. Why did she do this again? No wonder it was discouraged to have doctors treat families or loved ones. She could already feel the looming presence of Ethical Concerns over her shoulder.

“Okay,” she said, because she started this, so she’d be damned if she didn’t finish it, “let’s restart. First, let’s calmly—” she looked at them both in the eyes, emphasizing the word carefully, “—express our feelings about the situation to each other, okay? Everyone will have a turn to speak.”

“What’s there to say?” Jason grouched. “He won’t kill the Joker, I refuse to compromise and let that trash live on and kill others!”

“Okay,” Jazz said, “Bruce, what do you have to say?”

“… I won’t kill.”

Jason bristled. Jazz quickly interrupted, “How about we find another solution? Maybe we can think of another plan so both of you will be satisfied.”

“We put the Joker in Arkham,” Bruce said.

Jason sneered. “Yeah, but he escapes every few weeks, doesn’t he? Don’t lie, Arkham has never been a real solution!”

Bruce looked forlorn. “I love you, Jason,” he said, with a quiet sort of conviction.

Jason glared at him. “Fuck you.”

“Jason,” Jazz scolded, and he huffed out of his nose, crossing his arms. He was so lucky that she loved him to death and back and all of the cycles of life in between.

Wait a minute… death?

Jazz perked up and said, “I may have a solution.” Both men turned to look at her, giving her their full attention. “In the Ghost Zone, there is a prison there that holds all of our worst criminals. It’s been upgraded several times and it’s very secure. Every time someone has broken out— and it’s only been a few times in the last few centuries— they’ve been found and caught within a day. Also, since everyone in there is already dead, even if the Joker got out, he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone.” She smiled. “What do you think?”

Jason and Bruce looked at each other and then at Jazz. They nodded once in frightening unison as they both crossed their arms and leaned back into their seats, expressions serious.

“Tell us how we can get the Joker in there.”

Jazz smiled and nodded. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all!

One family problem solved, only thirty-one more to go!

[futuremrscameron]

ready set go!!! (rafe x biker!pogue reader)

content warnings: threats of violence (not between reader and rafe), mentions of grief, classism, blood, use of c word (c*nt), unresolved sexual tension, past relationships, emotional cheating, reader is not a good person, slut shaming, arguing as flirting, horniness is a disease and rafe is terminally ill

a/n: not beta read (just me and my google doc pointing out grammatical errors against the world)

he should’ve known you'd be there; racing was always your first love; there was no way you'd pass up the opportunity even if to. you two were not on speaking terms, but that’s no excuse.

the announcer’s grating voice stops him from spiraling further: “ladies and gentlemen, we’ve got a special guest racing with us today!”

“that’s right, a local who made it big on the mainland!"

"everyone put your hands together for lady death!”

the familiar revving sends chills down his spine, but everyone else cheers the crowd as you drift into view. he watches you slowly remove your helmet, brushing back stray hairs. your back-lengthed box braids tied up in a ponytail safe for two strands tucked behind your ears. you’re rocking a white leather jacket with pink stripes. you unzip your jacket, revealing a white bikini top that hugs your breasts. his hand tightens into a fist as he looks down and sees pink cowboy boots with red hearts on the side—it’s the pair he got for your birthday.

“fuck.” rafe whips his head to the right at the sound of his best friend’s awestruck voice. topper remains entranced by the beauty of his friend’s ex, leering, blissfully ignorant of the glare his friend levels at him. 

rafe looks around, finally noticing that you've caught the attention of most of the men there. their salacious stares make him sick; he wants nothing more than to gouge their eyes out and drag you back to his place. before he can spiral further, he’s brought back to reality by a familiar, bright, infectious laugh.

he doesn’t even have to look to know it’s you, but the clawing in his chest urges him to find you and the thing that made you laugh.

it’s a guy. he should’ve known; of course, it’s a guy. you’re twirling your hair and smiling at him the way you used to smile at him. he tells himself that the guy’s probably not even that funny, and you’re just giving him a pity laugh ‘cause he’s a total fucking loser or a pervert. there’s no way you actually like him; you would never entertain a guy like him, not even to make him jealous. 

“hey!” his voice breaks you out of your pre-race zone. 

"fucking hell," you mumble under your breath as he shoves his way through the crowd of spectators, not paying their shouts of anger and annoyance any mind. he looks like a man on a mission. it’s kind of hot. you disembark from your bike and begin your stretches, hoping to any god that is listening that you're mistaken and that his attention is pointed elsewhere. 

he stops in front of you, gripping the straps of his vest so hard he can feel them through his gloves. he looks down at you with furrowed eyebrows and his mouth downturned in a frown. "we need to talk."

you continue stretching your leg before switching to the other one. “if it's not about strategy, no, we don’t.”

he scoffs, "strategy? you mean slutting yourself out?” his cold tone would hurt if not for the heat in his gaze as he looks you up and down, letting you know how he really feels.

you look at the racers and spectators leering and shrug. "i'd say it's working, wouldn't you?” you smirk as you rise from your stretch.

the vein in his neck looks just about ready to pop; he swallows down a retort. “i’m trying to look out for you. you wanna be taken seriously; don’t dress like a flag girl.”

you chuckle at his heated state, veins bulging from his neck and everything. you don’t try to hide your smirk and raise an eyebrow at his boldness. “wow, you talk to sofia like that?”

he glares at the mention of his new girlfriend; his face burns with frustration and embarrassment. “don’t.”

“line up racers!” the announcer's voice pops the former lovers out of their bubble. topper runs up next to rafe obviously not reading the tension between the two. “hey!”

“hey top.” you mimic his surfer bro voice and smirk, “how’s ruthie?” 

he frowns and opens his mouth to answer, but your focus is already turned back on rafe. “see you at the finish line, cameron.” you wink before steering past him and taking your spot near the back on the sand.

topper is taken aback by your not so subtle hostility. he turns to rafe; a questioning look adorning his face. “what was that about?”

rafe watches her walk over to jj, ignoring his friend’s question to avoid lashing out at him. “do me a favor, man, shut the fuck up.”

you walk over to jj, your interaction with rafe still fresh on your mind. the hold he has on you seems to have never left. your met with a knowing look from jj, you groan. “what?”

he scoffs,“what? what was that? you’re fraternizing with the enemy now?” jj’s mischievous smirk betrays the cold glint in his eye; he’s upset about something, and your interaction with rafe made it worse.

you don’t have time for his judgment; you roll your eyes as you bend down to inspect his bike. “spell ‘fraternizing’ jj.” he flicks you off, and you return the gesture.

he chuckles and scratches the back of his head, a telltale sign that something else is weighing on his consciousness. you frown as you inspect the chain on his bike; it’s rusty and barely moves when you tug it. “god, you and last minute shit. why didn’t you bring this to me sooner? i would’ve fixed this up, you know? but now? jj, you know you can’t fucking race on this.”

jj throws his head back and groans dramatically, "oh, come on, i’ve raced on worse.”

“yeah, and how did all those times go?” you tighten one final screw on his bike before standing up and meeting his eye, hands on your hips, head tilted, waiting for his answer. he opens his mouth to reply, but nothing comes out; he frowns.

you chuckle, "exactly." you turn and make your way back to your bike. he grabs his bike’s handles and follows closely behind. “i didn't say shit!”

you shake your head, “‘cause you know i’m right!”

“are not!”

you stop suddenly and turn around to face him, one eyebrow arched. “jj, you got a tricycle because you wanted to be like me.”

he blushes, embarrassed at the memory, and mutters something under his breath about liking tricycles before you came along. he nods and looks around the beach; he’s avoiding eye contact. “yeah, but this time is different.”

something’s up. you cross your arms, “okay, jj, what’s up?” a serious expression, “is it luke? did he bet on you?”

he frowns at the word ‘bet’ but as quick as it’s there, it’s gone, replaced by a smirk. “no! god no, it's nothing really. i don’t know why you would think something’s up; nothing’s wrong; just wanna win, you know." he chuckles, but there’s no heart in it. “shove it in those kooks' faces.” 

he’s trying to change the subject; you tilt your head in disappointment. "jj."

he pats your shoulder, “hey, i’m fine. really.” he gives you a smile, but it lacks it’s usual warmth. you want to stay and get to the bottom of whatever’s going on with him.

“racers, get in position!” 

of course.

jj nods to himself; he’s noticeably anxious but swallows it down with another smile. “we’ll talk later, okay?” he’s skipping away before you can reply.

“jj-”

“i’ll see you at the finish line!” and with that, he’s on his bike, getting into position. 

you sigh defeatedly but make your way back to your bike. you’ve already mapped out your strategy, having raced long enough to predict how this race will go. the positioning is always as follows: the cocky bastards, rookies, and amateurs always position themselves in the front, which leads to stumbling, falling, and knocking into each other as soon as they hear the word 'go,’ which gives you a chance to speed past them. those in the back are either like you, professionals, or knowledgeable enough about racing to know not to start at the front or lack confidence.

“bikers, start your engines!” you rev your engine, staring ahead at the wide open space in front of you.

“on your mark!” in your mind, a highlighted track that lays out every twist, turn, speed bump, and shortcut appears on the sand.

“get set!” you lower your helmet’s visor and drown out the sound of the cries and focus on the head of your bike.

“goooooooo!”

you zoom past ruthie and some other kook girl you recognize from rafe’s parties. you take sharp turns and land jump over hills and trees like it’s nothing; you ease past topper and jj, glancing back at the duo engaged in some conversation before focusing on your real opponent.

rafe is somehow still in the lead; you know you won’t beat him this way, so you take a shortcut to get ahead of him. 

“cheating now, huh?” you can hear the smile in his voice without looking at him.

“nothing in the rules says we can’t take shortcuts as long as they’re on the track rafey.” you wink at him as you speed up. the finish line is within view as you race across the sandy beach. everything seems to come to a halt when a shadow appears above you. you look up; it’s jj.

“and the runt of the litter, jj maybank takes the lead with that amazing leap of faith!” the announcers, now back in hearing range, seem just as stunned as the racers and crowd at jj’s bold feat.

“i can’t believe my eyes, can you?”

“no!”

you can’t help but laugh at his death-defying stunt. “woohoo! let’s go jj!" you speed up, feeling a burst of energy at his literal leap of faith.

“fuck that.” that voice sends chills down your spine. you turn to find rafe behind you, but you don’t even have to turn completely. he’s next to you. he speeds past you and bumps jj’s hind wheels.

he’s gonna get them both killed him if he keeps this up. “hey!” 

“ladies and gentlemen, it looks like this just got personal.”

jj kicks out at rafe, causing the older blonde to tilt every so often. your breath catches in your throat every time his bike leans over. “jj!”

“that’s right, jj and rafe are neck and neck.”

rafe and jj bump into each other like they’re in go-karts.

“pogue vs. kook.”

in your head, you curse the announcers for feeding into this, “stop it, rafe!”

all it takes is one more bump for the duo to go flying in the air, and you feel your heart drop.

“jj!” you slam on the breaks and jump off your bike when it comes to a complete halt. you run over to jj, not caring as the other racers speed past you for the finish line. you rip off your helmet and throw it aside before turning to him and frantically checking him for injuries. “hey, hey, you’re okay, you’re okay.”

jj angrily brushes you off, “i’m fine.” he’s not fine; he winces when he rolls his shoulder and cracks his neck. you're taken aback and hurt, but you’ve known him long enough to know that it’s nothing personal. he doesn’t want to lash out at you, so he’s trying his best to keep his distance.

he gives you a once-over, "you okay?” his mouth is downturned in a frown; it takes you back to the days when he’d knock on your door asking to stay the night because luke was passed out on the couch and moved the second key.

you give him a soft, reassuring smile and rub his arm, “i’m okay.” 

he opens his mouth to say something else; he wants to tell you the truth, you know it. but nothing comes out; instead, he slowly backs away before turning around completely. you watch as he ignores his friends’ concerning gazes and desperate questions and stops at the far end of the beach, kicking at sand and throwing his helmet down. yeah, something’s definitely up.

“hey!”

great. rafe shrugs off sofia’s arm, helping him up, and wobbles over to you. you feel bad for her truly, but you can’t deny that it feels good that he seems to only have eyes for you, even when next to his girlfriend. you finally see him up close, and goddamn, he looks like shit. he has a scartch on his cheek, a noticable limp, and rolls his shoulder every other step. he stops in front of you and looks you up and down. “you okay?”

the audacity of this man, “are you trying to ask if i’m injured, you piece of shit?”

he throws his hand up in surrender and offense, “the fuck did i do?”

you’ve never wanted to strangle someone so bad. how could he be so selfish? so reckless? so stupid? “are you fucking kidding me? the fuck did you do?” you shove him, “you could’ve killed each other; do you even fucking care!? i don’t care how much you hate each other; you don’t fucking do that!” your voice cracks from the strain yelling has put on you; tears form in your eyes from anger and the fear of almost losing them both.

he reaches down and wipes your tear. you push his hand away. “i’m sorry.”

“are you?”

“i-”

“aww, rafe, your puppy pogue came back for seconds.” the memorable grating voice comes from one kook only, topper’s new girlfriend, ruthie; she mockingly pouts, not even trying to conceal her smirk. she looks proud to have topper’s arm around her waist, like she’s not playing second fiddle to his ex.

your anger is now fully redirected at her. you take some steps towards her. “the fuck did you just call me!?”

she chuckless. “you heard me, pogue.”

the way she spits out the word ‘pogue’ does not sit right in your spirit. you take a step towards her, but rafe holds you back. 

you look up and meet his eyes; you hate the way he looks at you. he shakes his head, “don’t let her get to you.”

you scoff, “oh, that’s rich coming from you.”

“it is; trust me, i know, but she is not worth your time.”

you frown at his newfound maturity, not knowing if it’s genuine or not or if it’s just to keep you out of trouble. “fine.”

he looks back at the couple with a cold stare that you’ve thankfully never been on the receiving end of. “yo top, get your bitch under control.”

she removes herself from topper’s side and steps up to you two. “excuse me?” topper tries to pull her back, but she shrugs him off. "you know, rafe, you used to be cool before you started slumming it.”

you stomp over to her and get in her face. the height difference has her literally looking down at you, which makes your blood boil; the shit eating smirk doesn’t help. “up yours, cunt! you’re just a sarah reject.” topper chokes on his water and rafe smirks, barely able to stifle a laugh.

her smirk is gone now, replaced by a nasty glare, and her face is beat red with embarrassment and rage. “excuse me!? what the fuck did you just say!?”

“you heard me.” you smirk at her reaction. she pushes you; you punch her square in the jaw, causing a ripple of commotion. you lunge at her, but rafe holds you back. you spit at her before she’s out of reach, but it falls short. the act still enrages her. 

rafe mean mugs ruthie as he drags the smaller girl away from the couple.  you kick and scream as rafe drags you away, gaining the attention of pogues and kooks alike. jj shouts at him and runs toward them when you push rafe away. “get the fuck off of me!”

rafe finally lets you go, and you take a few steps away before turning and getting in his face. “what the hell is your problem!?”

his eyes widen, unable to comprehend your lack of thanks. “my problem!? i just stopped you from spending the rest of your twentys in an orange jumpsuit!”

you shove him, “i don’t need your help!” your anger takes him by surprise. you roughly wipe the blood from your nose on your jacket. “i’m not your problem anymore, rafe.”

jj catches up to them and puts himself between you two before checking your for injuries. he puffs his chest out and stares down rafe. “you didn’t hear her telling you to fuck off? all that coke’s fucked with your hearing?”

you touch his back, trying to reassure him that all is well. “i’m fine, jj. i can handle this.”

jj looks back at you; you nod; he nods and slowly retreats.

“yeah, fuck off." you curse rafe and his annoying need to get the last word in as jj stomps back over.

“hey!” you put your arms out, stopping their chests from touching. “jj!” he looks at you, tears building from anger and sorrow over losing the race. “just go. it’s okay, i’m fine.”

rafe notes your voice softening and frowns. jj gives him one last glare and once over, warning the kook king not to mess with you. you turn back to him once jj is out of earshot, “what the fuck is wrong with you? do you get off on pissing me off or something?”

“that’s rich coming from you. all that talk about being there for me in my time of need, and where were you?”

“i was giving you space like you wanted!” 

“you abandoned me!” he roars, making you recoil. “you abandoned me when i needed you the most. you knew what that would do to me. you knew!"  

you can hear the heartbreak in his voice; it shines through the way his finger shakes when he points at you. or the tears falling freely and his face red from the fury he must have been pushing down. “i just lost my dad, and i needed you, and you weren’t there. too busy doing fuck knows what with goldilocks and his friends.” 

“he just came back from south america, where he was hunted down by trained killers, and watched someone die—he needed me!” 

“i needed you!”

“i’m sorry, okay! how many times do i have to say it until you believe me?”

“i don’t believe you, rafe!” you sigh and rub the bridge of your nose. you look at rafe, and he finally sees the exhaustion in every movement. “i'm done playing games.”

“i’m not playing games; i love you. i know i was wrong and i was sad and angry, and i know i took it out on you, but i’m-” 

“sorry?” 

he frowns.

you shake your head in defeat, “i know.”

you get on your bike and put your helmet on. you peel off, leaving him in the dust watching your fading figure.

______________________________________________________________

as always let me know your thoughts, criticism is always welcome (just keep it classy) <3

[holylulusworld]

Jerk next door (7) - Plans to make

 

Summary: You move in next door to a jerk after a bad breakup.

Pairing: Andy Barber x fem!Reader

Characters: Destroyer!Chris, Captain Syverson

Warnings: angst, mentions of past domestic violence (implied), mentions of divorce, mentions of past physical abuse, scared reader, mentions of past alcohol abuse, rueful Andy, mentions of murder

Jerk next door (6) - Two new players 

Jerk next door masterlist

Syverson rolls his eyes. For the better part of five hours, Andy tries to devise a better plan than killing your ex. “I can make it look like an accident. Trust me.”

“Sy, even if you make it look like an accident, it’s still murder. We are better than this rotten bastard. I don’t think Y/N wants to live with the knowledge that she’s the reason for Beck’s death.”

“What if he’s getting into an accident? We could manipulate his car; this way, Y/N won’t feel guilty,” Chris throws in. He grunts as Andy shakes his head again. “It’s a good plan.”

“Again—it’s still murder, Chris. No killing him,” Andy points at Chris. “I know you’d love to take this man down, but we can’t run around and kill people.”

Chris shows his palms and says, “Fine, fine. No killing. What else can we do? You must admit that we can’t protect Y/N for the rest of her life. She wants her home and life back.”

Sy rubs his scruffy chin. He wrinkles his forehead while trying to come up with a better plan. When Andy called, Sy had already decided to take Quentin down. “What if—” he takes his time before he says. “He commits a crime and gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar.”

“Now, that’s what I’m talking about,” Chris chuckles and slams his hand onto his thigh. “I knew you’d come up with a fucked-up plan. So, how do we do it?”

“It’s a rough draft,” Sy grumbles. “It’s the only way to make sure he cannot harm Y/N and won’t come back. If he’s locked away, there’s no way out.”

Andy frowns. He doesn’t share Chris and Sy’s enthusiasm. The skilled lawyer knows better than to keep his hopes high when it comes to justice. Sometimes you can give it all, and you will still lose. “If he gets sentenced. You know better than to have faith in our judicial machinery.”

Sy scoffs. “You’re an attorney lawyer and don’t believe in the system you defend every fucking day?”

“YES!” Andy barks and throws his hands up. “I see the worst scum walk out of the courtroom every day. I don’t have faith in the system most of the time. It disappointed me over and over again in the last few years. Even if he gets arrested after we faked a crime, there’s no guarantee he won’t get out.”

“Andy is not wrong,” Sy nods thoughtfully. “So, back to killing him?” He smirks at Andy. “Come on, you know that there is no other way. If you want Y/N to be safe, you must get your hands dirty.”

Andy grits his teeth and says, “No murder. Do you think they won’t look for Y/N? You know what the cops think, Chris. The partner, or ex-partner, is always suspect number one.”

“He’s not wrong, Sy,” Chris hates to admit that Andy is right. “We can’t kill him, and there’s no guarantee he won’t leave the courtroom as a free man.”

“What if I just give up?” You step inside the room. All three men look at you, following your every step as you sit down on the couch in Andy’s living room. “There’s no way out. Nowhere to run to. He wins.”

Andy winces because you look tired and worn out. It’s his fault. He blamed you for something you didn’t do, and there is no denying, he ruined your life. “No.” He simply says. “We won’t let him win. I lose against monsters like him in the courtroom. I won’t lose against that bastard.”

Burying your face in your hands, you sniffle. You don’t want Andy to watch you cry. He’s still the neighbor making your life a living hell. “Why do you even care? This is what you wanted! From the first moment you saw me, you wanted me to leave! I’ll be gone soon. Good job!”

“Christ, can you stop being so—” Andy sighs when you flinch at his harsh tone. “I know that I was the worst. Please believe me that I regret what I did. Let me at least try to make things up to you. Quentin Beck won’t hurt you ever again.”

“Alright,” Sy claps his hands. “It’s getting late. We won’t come up with a good plan tonight. I’ll take over the first shift and keep an eye on your house, Andy. Chris, you can take over in three hours.”

“Got it,” Chris says and gets up from his seat. “I’ll check on Y/N’s house and make my round. Sy, be careful. We shouldn’t underestimate that slimy piece of shit.”

“Got it.” Sy tips his hat before walking out of the living room. “I’ll be in my hideout, Andy. You know the signal.”

“Got it.” Andy nods. You stare at Andy. Everyone seems to get their plan. Everyone but you. There’s not a chance that Quentin will leave you alone. You lost hope the moment you heard he was in town. “Y/N, you should get some sleep. Sy, Chris, and I will make sure that he won’t even get close to you.”

You’re too tired and emotionally drained to argue. Maybe it’s better to not see your end coming.

The floor creaks heavily under the intruder’s weight. He didn’t expect Andy’s house to be an obstacle. It was easy enough to get access to the neighborhood and to find out that his lovely ex-wife’s house is right next to Andy’s.

“Darling,” he whispers lowly. “If you let that bastard touch you, you’re going to regret it.” He hums and slowly creeps upstairs. He waited long enough for the other man to leave.

“What are you doing at my house?” Andy stands only a few feet away, watching Quentin’s face contort in anger. “You know, breaking and entering is a crime. And I have the right to defend my home and my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” Quentin growls. He gets his gun out, aiming at Andy’s chest. “You’ll pay for hiding that bitch from me!”

Andy dodges the first bullet by dropping to the ground. He rolls behind the couch and waits for his chance.

“Do you think you can dodge the next bullet, too?” Quentin laughs and shoots in Andy’s direction. He hits the wall, but nothing else. Picture frames drop to the ground and shatter. “Huh? Get out, coward!”

“You should’ve counted your bullets.” Andy gets up from behind the couch. He smirks before firing three bullets into Quentin’s chest. “What a pity, you broke into my house and tried to kill me and your ex-wife. What else could I do but give you what you deserve?”

Tags in reblog.

[saintsenara]

For unhinged and deranged ships: Snape/Bellatrix.

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

i adore these two haters, and not just in a "toxic situationship which leaves dozens dead" way.

because - as the most delusional snapemort defender in history, who would also defend bellamort with my life - i think it's inherently plausible that snape spends his period as a death eater during the first war feeling profoundly jealous of bellatrix.

after all, she's the dark lord's favourite - and voldemort isn't exactly shy about this being known [she wouldn't run around yapping about he "calls me his most loyal, his most faithful" if she had even the slightest feeling that voldemort would murder her for leaking his pillow talk] - which means that, if you go in for the idea that he's sleeping with her, i think you can argue that he also permits her some degree of public physical affection. i don't think they're holding hands during acts of terrorism, or anything like that, but i do think that bellatrix is summoned away from group settings to join voldemort, everyone knows what they're about to get up to, and the dark lord doesn't care.

snape - in contrast - is kept as a pretty clandestine part of voldemort's operation. karkaroff can't think of anything specific to credibly accuse him of, sirius isn't fully convinced he could have been a death eater, and so on.

and this makes sense - it's clear that snape gets taken on by voldemort in a back-of-house role [to be a spy he can eventually place at hogwarts, and very probably originally to brew for him], and is peripheral to the more public-facing, combat side of voldemort's terror. which means that any time he spends with the dark lord is probably one-on-one - and any affection he receives from voldemort during these sessions [and look, i ship it...] is similarly private.

but it's also clear in canon that this order only continues for a few months after bellatrix gets out of azkaban, before things start to shift and she finds herself having to be the jealous one.

from the start of half-blood prince onwards, snape usurps bellatrix in voldemort's public favour [no matter what he's like with either in private]. and we know that she's not thrilled about this - not least because she's correctly worked out that snape's not trustworthy and voldemort's only response is to tell her to wind her neck in.

and we also know that snape fucking loves how annoyed she is - he's having the time of his life roasting her when she cockblocks narcissa by stomping around his front room [the line about "endless reminiscences of how unpleasant azkaban is"... a third-degree burn, i fear] - and that all of snape's best pairings feature that "we literally cannot stop hurling insults at each other, i will not rest until i've told them this next zinger, i am incapable of letting anything go" dynamic.

textbook enemies-to-enemies-who-fuck.

where this turns into enemies-to-lovers... is that both snape and bellatrix are clearly profoundly lonely people. and not only that, but profoundly lonely in strikingly similar ways - above all in that they're in love with someone who doesn't want them in the way they'd like to be wanted. i don't think bellatrix loses anything of her character - her cruelty, her temper, her resilience - if we also imagine her as a bit of a hopeless romantic [her joy at voldemort complimenting her - "no higher pleasure... that means a great deal, bellatrix, coming from you" - which vanishes when he turns it into an insult is but one example] who would jump at the chance to be mrs riddle. snape's unrequited love is well known.

neither of them seem to have friendships in which they're the priority - snape is close to lucius malfoy, but the relationship is nonetheless transactional; bellatrix clearly adores her sister, but she's secondary in narcissa's concerns to her husband and son. they live their lives in service to men who regard it as their duty to sacrifice themselves for their cause - snape with dumbledore, who may like him, but who also thinks of him primarily as a tool to bring about voldemort's defeat; bellatrix with voldemort, who considers her to have done the bare minimum in terms of loyalty to him by enduring fourteen years in azkaban [even though he also thinks this places her above all her fellow death eaters, who didn't even do that]. they both have experience of imprisonment - snape metaphorically, trapped in the school he doesn't seem to have particularly enjoyed and the childhood home he thought he'd escaped; bellatrix literally. they're both voldemort's exceptions in terms of the demographics of the death eaters - snape on account of his social class; bellatrix on account of her gender - which means that they depend entirely on maintaining the dark lord's goodwill and are peripheral to the elite male social group which makes up the rest of the inner circle.

and these similarities mean that they have a pretty high chance of being able to understand each other, comfort each other, and help each other move beyond their isolation...

until voldemort gets jealous, that is.

[ryuzakemo128]

Grim Reaper Part Nine

Pairing: Poly 141 x female reader / Female reader/ You x Her mental health x König

Content Warnings: Violence, bloodshed, injuries, Premeditated murder on the brain (Female Reader), swearing.

Words: 756

Note: Sorry for a short one. Wanted to get this one out. Next one will be longer I promise.

Masterlist - Prequel - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Part Nine

Supernatural AU — Poem

Credit for Dividers:@cafekitsune + @strangergraphics

Summary: Was I stupid to love you? Was I reckless to help? Was it obvious to anybody else? That I have fallen for a lie. You were never on my side.  Fool me once, fool me twice. Are you death or paradise?

Was I stupid to love you? Was I reckless to help? Was it obvious to anybody else? That I have fallen for a lie. You were never on my side.  Fool me once, fool me twice. Are you death or paradise?

Was I the problem? Did I do something to make you hate me so much? 

Why didn’t you just leave me instead of lying so many times to my face?

Was I stupid to love you? Was I reckless to help? Was it obvious to anybody else? 

I hope you rot in this hell you have made yourself. It’s my last gift I will give to you.

You knew how my life was before I met you. Yet you still did this to me. 

Cold. Calculated. That is all you will ever be.

If I had the power to curse you. I would have done it long ago. 

Once I leave this house, this country all over again. Do yourself a favour. Stay away from me.

Stay far, far away from me.

Otherwise, I can and most absolutely will kill you myself.

If you wish to keep your life.

Stay in your country and I will stay in mine.

I don’t want to be pushed into a corner. But you keep being adamant on doing so.

Don’t blame me when I bite you. Blame yourself for ignoring the warning signs.

You are the reason we are no longer married. Take accountability for your actions and shut the fuck up. 

König. You still don’t know if that’s his actual name or just simply a call sign. He never told you either way. 

But what does it matter? 

The man who had once been the epitome of comfort and support in your life had become a shadow of his former self. The trust that had once been as solid as steel between you had been shattered into a million pieces.

Leaving a gaping chasm of doubt and anger in its place. 

The coldness in his eyes, the way he looked at you now, it was like you were nothing but a stranger to him. 

Someone who had merely crossed his path at the wrong time.

"I will leave, and you won't see me again." you snarl, getting up to get your things.

König remains seated, his expression unreadable. "Reaper, I know you're upset, but we need to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about. You chose to cheat. You made that choice. Suffer the consequences. I'm not the one who needs to explain anything. You're the one who broke our vows.” 

“My life is in my hands. I will not become who you are.” You told him. Your knuckles turning white from the way you turned your hands into fists. You were so tired of the kind of excuses coming from the mouths of men who neither cared nor wanted you around. 

You weren’t going to let König know you again. To choose death than suffer through his presence a second time. It made so much sense to you. You do enough talk. What did you learn from your mistakes? Did you even learn from them at all? 

If he can’t see it. May he drown inside his endless well of pitiful tears. 

You are not his wife, his friend, his punching bag. The call sign ‘Grim Reaper’? You earned it for a reason. Too bad he’s too blind to see it. 

What has eyes but cannot see? 

Escape.

Escape and run faster than he can hope to catch up. 

If he can’t take the hint, then…..you would have to kill him yourself.

Can’t be too hard to kill a six-foot ten adult man, right?

You can hear the shouting between him and his girlfriend. A sickening, twisted grin spreads across your face. Sweet revenge for the child you lost years ago.  Weight began to lift from your shoulders. It wasn’t over by a long shot. But now you know how to twist the knife to get what you wanted in order to leave. 

To head back home where you felt like you belonged completely. 

Home. Your home. 

The one where you don’t have to hide from broken bottles, yelling, shouting, endless need to feel like you have to explain yourself. 

Could it still be there when you go back? Will it still be there now?

[shion-ah]

Death of me

Cillian Murphy as Thomas Fucking Shelby

"Do you honestly think I could ever forget?"

Hayley Atwell as Katherine Redwine

"Christ...just tell him or I will."

Annabelle Wallis as Grace Burgess

"Is that jealousy I hear?"

Joe Cole as John Shelby

"You'll always be a Shelby never get that."

Paul Anderson as Arthur Shelby

"Don't worry luv, we got you. Who do I gotta kill?"

Sophie Rundle as Ada Shelby

"You've always been there for me, of course I'll be here for you."

Helen McCrory as Polly Grey

"Us women are smarter. Now chin up, we have a job to do."

Chapter One

The air of Small Heath seemed to have a way of sticking to your skin or clothing. It left you feeling almost sticky and sweaty from the grim that would collect no matter how careful you chose to be. The people had grown used to such things and one could never be too precious about their clothing. Children seemed to run wild with their dogs and friends, men in the factories returning home covered in soot and the women trying to keep their homes cleaned to the best of their ability. Katherine Redwine had been brought up on Watery Lane and in her young mind, she believed that this was always going to be the case. “Kat, are you listening?” The annoyed voice of Ada rang through her ears pulling her attention away from the window. “Yes, of course. You were saying?” Katherine gave her friend a smile and lifted her cup of tea to her lips. It was rare that the two girls got moments like this and she didn’t mean to waste her time lost in the clouds. Ada watched Katherine with a sad smile of her own. Since the war Katherine hadn’t been the same, which she supposed was the common saying amongst the rest of the world. “I was saying that I think it is time that we get you back out there. You are a beautiful girl and I know anyone would be lucky to have you.” Ada leaned forward in her chair and crossed her ankles. “He wouldn’t want you to live like this. Pat-” “I’m alright I promise, I am just not ready. There’s still too much to do right now.” It wasn’t a complete lie. Since the men had come back home it had been a hard adjustment for her. First her brother had been killed and the man she had loved for most of her life had simply turned his back and had barely spoken a full sentence to her. And now that same man seemed to have found more trouble as if he had been fishing for it. Katherine shook her head placing the cup down back on the table giving the young Shelby woman’s hand a small squeeze. “But in the meantime I look forward to hearing all about how sweet and kind Freddie is.” At the mention of Freddie Thorne, Ada's cheeks began to flush, the usual reaction when the man was pulled into the conversation or whenever Ada told her friend of the latest escapades the two had gotten into. Katherine watched as Ada continued to talk about how much she loved Freddie and the latest times they had to meet up in secret, the forbidden romance felt like a dream she had had once. She had been so young when she first met him but those blue eyes of Thomas Shelby would forever haunt her. She was sure she would die with the image of his eyes, his smile permanently imprinted into her thoughts. She had been so angry with him, the sting of her slap across his face still stung her hand when she thought about it for too long. Of course when she had heard of what he found she wanted to try to knock some sense into him. 

And now she had a sinking feeling in her gut that felt like it was growing larger and larger each time she tried to swallow. Leave it to the most clever man she knew to bring down the eye of the government, the IRA, and god knows who else by finding and taking those guns. 

Thomas fucking Shelby. 

Those words rang in her mind when her man had told her, they rang when she confronted Charlie Strong and Curly. And once she had left Ada making her way down the street and heard of his stunt with the Chinese in a show to gather more bets. Any time she had tried to tell Thomas that he was getting into things he had no business doing, he would tell her that it “wasn’t women’s business” and would drop it at that, leaving Katherine to stare at him in a mix of frustration and continued heartache. 

Katherine began to make her way to the Garrison pub for her usual one drink with Harry giving a small nod and smile to the people she passed and in return would gain her own “Mrs. Shelby” greeting. She had grown numb to the nickname and had given up on correcting those that continued to use it and she decided to see it as a type of shield. No one fucked with the Peaky Blinders and the Shelby name went a long way in Small Heath. If Thomas had taught her anything it was to appear as calm and unbothered as possible when inside you just want to shoot something, or rather someone.

“Welcome in my lady, your usual?” Harry said, placing a glass down on the bar once Katherine had entered. She made her way to the middle of the bar and took her usual seat. “Yes please, Harry.” Katherine gave the older man a kind smile and glanced about the pub. The usual bar flies were about four glasses in and only acknowledged her with a simple nod or not at all. “How have you been Harry? Haven’t been given any trouble have you?”

“None, miss. Mostly the occasional drunkard fight but it ends well enough.” Harry placed the Irish whiskey down for the Redwine and leaned on the bar top. “You look as if you need a good drink and a good sleep.” Katherine huffed a laughed at her friend’s words and shrugged taking a sip from the amber liquid. “Don’t I always look this way?” She teased tilting her head. She had always enjoyed Harry’s company; he was kind in his own way and cared for the Garrison like it should have been. This was home and he had taken care of her when she had gotten so drunk she hadn’t been able to stand and he made sure that she would never reach that low again. He had made Katherine promise to not lose herself in her grief or heartbreak. He had been the father figure that she needed after Patrick had been killed. 

“Kat, don’t bullshit me.” Harry shook his head. Katherine spun her glass slightly, his gentle but stern tone was comforting in a sense. It was the same tone he had when he found her in the private room that Thomas always used. She had broken down and cried in Harry’s arms and was more whiskey than person and she was sure her breath could have caused an explosion if she lit a match. Earlier that day they had held a service for Patrick and it had really hit her that he was gone, her big brother, her protector was nowhere to be found. Just like her Tommy, sweet happy Tommy who was able to light up a room with his smile and whose laugh was contagious seemed to have died the same night. Harry had listened as she cried and mourned the lives lost and dreams that were crushed but once she was done he picked her up and helped her upstairs and cleaned her up and put her to bed. He had banned anyone giving her any kind of alcohol in the Garrison until she was able to function. He would be damned if the sweet girl turned into one of the men he served. “I’m fine Harry, I promise.” Katherine was touched as he watched her but before he could comment the doors to the Garrison were pushed open as the one man who she couldn’t stand walked through in the most attention way he could have. 

Fucking Thomas. 

(It will get better I promise but let me know what you think!)

[scar-lie]

Crazy Love Pt. 2 {Natasha}

Summary : Natasha finally said the unspoken truth

Pairing : Natasha Romanoff x Fem ! Reader

Warning : Torture, blood, screaming, death, suicide

Word count : 5,800

Crazy Love Pt. 1

Crazy Love Pt. 3 Ver. 1

Crazy Love Pt. 3 Ver. 2

Cherrylemontober

NO one has permission to repost my work anywhere, if you see it please let me know.

It's been 5 months since you got away. The slip up of almost getting caught that day wasn't the end of what you're doing. No, not even close, everything just got worse

 Ever since that cursed day, following Natasha's every move was at the top of your list. The need to make sure she was safe was too much to ignore, you needed her safe, no matter the costs

Following her every move also meant witnessing men continuously flirt with her. The flirtatious acts towards Natasha made you angry, you couldn't control it. You really tried to but at the end of every night the man's blood would end up on your hands and another victim would be added to your ledger

It's not like she couldn't sense someone was continuously following and watching her, she is the Black Widow after all. One of the deadliest, sneakiest, and intelligent assassins but at the end of the day you still managed to outsmart her. No matter how hard or close she came to catching you, you would always find a loophole before she could

Tonight isn't any different. As you follow the latest man who harassed her, Natasha, thoughts of what he did swarmed your mind. The image of him cat-calling her as she walked into the party and even slapping her ass after her clear rejection. The guy would not quit and seeing that Steve wasn't there to protect her caused you to get more angry

The image in your head gets more consuming as you finally catch up with him and shove him into an empty alley

"Who the fuck are you," he questions trying to push you off

Instead of verbally answering you drive your fist hard into his stomach causing him to fall on the ground, gasping for air. You grab his head and send a hard punch to his jaw causing him to knock out

You kneel down and force him to sit up to make it easier to pick him up. As you pick him up from the ground you make sure no one is around and start carrying him to your car to put him in the trunk

You then climb into the driver's seat and smirk while you start to drive off, excitement filling your body as you think about the painful punishment awaiting him

"NO, PLEASE STOP!" he exclaims while pain shoots through his body as you run your knife through his body, occasionally adding more pressure to make large gashes

He continues to plead for your mercy while you put the tip of your knife on his thigh and add more pressure, slowly causing it to drive deeper into his skin. As you continue your actions he tries to break away, which is no use due to the ties you put on his wrists and ankles

As he continues to try to move away from you, more cries and pleads leave his mouth as more cuts are made on his skin from the metal bed you tied him to when he was unconscious

 You continue to do this until his body is full of large gashes and cuts. You carve carefully into his skin, making sure the words are visible for when the police find his body

A frown comes across your face as silence surrounds the room, the agonizing screams and begging no longer heard, even as you put the knife deep into his rib cage and twist it

You finally move your gaze to look at his face and huff and shake your head in disappointment as you see him no longer breathing and a slight paleness flooding his face. With a long sigh you roll your eyes and get off of him

From the amount of blood over the scene you could tell he died of blood loss. An annoyed groan escaped your throat

"You could only last ten minutes" You wipe your face with wipes, weighing as you get a sack to put his body inside and in carrying it into the trunk of your car, as you slam the trunk closed you mumble

"Well, that was no fun. I had so many fun plans for you but I guess I'll have to use them on the next douchebag" you quickly climb into the driver side of your car and put it into drive to make your way home

Before arriving at your house, you make a quick detour to dispose of the body. When you finally arrive home you quickly enter and make your way to your bedroom to dispose of your clothes and take a much needed shower

After you finish your shower you quickly change into new clothes and grab the old ones. You quickly go into your living room and start a fire in the fireplace

As the fire starts to grow you throw the clothes into the fire. Burning them was the easiest way to get rid of the blood stained clothes, no traces were left

In the Avengers Compound the team is stressing out due to the uprise of murders that have been going on for the past few months

The Avengers handling murder cases wasn't very common, the police handed the cases over to them due to them not being able to get any leads

The cases were getting worse every month, the only people who would be able to figure this out were the world's mightiest heroes

"Any lead where she could be?" Tony asked, clearly stressed out

The team has been tracking and trying to find where you are but they can't get any direct leads. The air is tense as they try to find a lead, tension fills everyone's body, especially Natasha and Wanda

When the pair figured out it was you behind all of the killings they didn't tell Fury. A divide was made in the team when they confessed to knowing it was you

The others wanted to tell the Director while Clint and Thor agreed with Natasha and Wanda on not telling him. Which is why the heroes are currently fighting with each other

"Nothing," Sam simply said while looking around the room. Steve abruptly got up from his chair

"No one can stop me from telling Fury. It's the right thing to do!" Steve said in a leader voice

"Don't you fucking dare, Steve!" Nat threatens while taking an intimidating step towards him

"Not even you babe, I'm sorry but we have to tell him," Steve said while trying to walk past her but Nat didn't let up and stopped him before he could

"No one will tell this to Fury," Nat exclaimed then that's the start of more chaos

Steve and Nat fall into a screaming match while the others have their own amongst each other. The screaming matches abruptly end when a hologram appears in the middle of the room. Everyone turns their gazes to see Fury standing with his hands behind his back

"Director Fury," Nat says while sending a respectful nod to him, causing everyone else to greet him

"Sorry to bother you all at this time but another victim has been found in the outskirts of the city," he simply states while keeping a stern look. The team all shake their heads as disappointment fills them

Natasha closes her eyes, she can't believe that this is happening, she can't and doesn't want to accept the truth that you're killing people for her, that your love is flooding over you to the point where you would actually kill just for her

She can't believe this because you're her best friend, the person who was always bubbly, cheerful, adorable and sweet

She can't accept that the Y/n she's always known is different now, a crazy person who would kill people just because of a feeling that's supposed to cause happiness in life, the feeling of love

She's so lost in her thoughts that her brain didn't even register that Tony and Steve were telling Fury about you being the murder

Natasha finally got out of her head when she saw Wanda's hands glowing red in her peripheral vision

"How long," Fury sternly asks, causing Nat to quickly sit beside Wanda and hold her hand to calm her down

"Since a few months ago," Bruce mutters while Nat continues to comfort Wanda until the red on her hands and eyes start to slowly fade

"And you just decided to tell me that Y/L/N is the person behind this" Fury sternly questions causing Nat to close her eyes and clenched her jaw, anger coursing through her body

She wants to save you because she knows that the Y/n she knows and loves is still there, Wanda wants to save you too, she believes what Natasha believes, they both have the same reasons and beliefs

They kept talking until the call ended, Wanda quickly pinned them down using her powers, excluding Nat, Clint and Thor

"What the fuck! why did you tell him," Wanda hissed, causing Nat to get in front of her and put her hand on her arm to calm her down

She could tell her powers were too powerful for the boys, their groaning and gasps of pain being enough to tell just how powerful Wanda's powers were

"He- he had the right- to know," Steve gasped out between painful winces, the statement only firing something inside Wanda causing her to hold them even tighter

"Hey, hey Wanda calm down," Nat cups her face, making Wanda's gaze turn to her

Once Wanda's eyes land on Natasha's, she smiles and sends a quick nod, then Wanda starts to slowly calm down causing her powers to fade away until she completely releases them

"We can't hide the fact that it's her forever" Bruce exclaimed while rubbing over the part of his body that Wanda's powers were on

A silence falls over the room as they take a few minutes to catch their breath, not wanting to fight anymore

"So now what?" Nat questions them, still angry. They look at each other having a silent conversation

After a few days of going over the cases, they finally come up with a plan which leads to now

The first part of the plan starts with Tony having one of his huge parties and Nat wearing a sexy revealing dress

Natasha quickly checks around the room to see everyone in position. Nat goes on the dance floor while Steve acts like he's busy with something else

Nat starts to dance while acting drunk causing a man named James to approach her and start to touch her

On the other side of the compound you're hiding with binoculars, you keep your gaze focused on Natasha. Anger starts to bubble in your stomach as you see someone all up on her again

As the scene continues to unfold, his hands continue to wander over her body causing your blood to boil, you quickly glance at Steve to see him busy doing something else

It goes on until the party starts to slowly die down, you keep an eye on the guy while keeping an eye on Natasha

Once you see that the guy is walking on the dark side of the compound you quickly go to him and knock him out, you pick him up and start to go to your car but before you get a chance to take another step the team corners you

The team's plan goes according to plan, James, the guy who was set to flirt and harass Natasha, is an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D (Clint's friend)

The plan was to let James act like an awful man who would harass Nat, the team would act like they don't know what is happening and when the party dies down James will be the last to go out. The team got in position and stood by the corner you were in and boom, they surrounded you

"Y/N" Natasha whispers

You look at the team and smirk, you drop James on the ground and chuckle, patting down your clothes to fix the wrinkles

"Long time no see guys" you enthusiastically exclaim with a grin on your face

"Y/N/N please, just stop this," Wanda whispers pleadingly, only loud enough for you to hear

You turn to her and smile sweetly, you take a step but Vision and Bucky stop you, Bucky points his gun and Vision puts his strong arm in front of you, you look at it and chuckle

"Don't you dare take another step," Tony hisses, pointing his repulser at you. You turn to him with innocent eyes

"Why Dad?" you question keeping an innocent look

"Am I in trouble? I didn't break one of your suits, nor interrupt you from your lab" you spit out the last part with a sweet voice

He shook his head at your antics, he loves you so much, he treated you like his own daughter. When you mentioned the last sentence, memories of when you were happy swarmed his mind

"Stop it" he bites out

"You're not her! I don't want to hurt anyone to get hurt, especially you but you're leaving us no choice here Y/N" Tony tries to bargain while looking at you again causing his eyes to fill with anger when he realizes you're not the same person anymore

"Awh, you're all so sweet," you sarcastically exclaim through gritted teeth with a smile on your face while your gaze is set on them

"Just surrender Y/N," Natasha says with a pleading tone and eyes

"You know that I love you so much Nat, I can give you the world, that's how much I love you! I'm willing to do everything for you but I'm so sorry my love, I love you Nat" you confess with a loving tone while staring into her eyes. As soon as she smiles and tries to take a step towards you, you drop the smile and look at her with an emotionless gaze. You wanted to fall into this, fall into her, but deep down you knew that it was a trap. You may be crazy for her love but you're not dumb, as soon as Natasha sees your change in emotion she frowns at you

"But you can't fool me" you lowly say, you then throw a gas bomb at your feet and as soon the gas spreads you quickly bring everyone down, some try to stop you but you dodge their moves

When the gas starts to fade you quickly run away from them. Bruce, Sam, Bucky and Vision groan and wince holding onto themselves due to you injuring them. Nat, Steve, Tony, Wanda, Clint and Thor weren't affected so they chased after you

As you're running Tony lands in front of you and tries to hit you with his repulser, you dodge it and with your skills you manage to take his mask and turn off his suit, as you're about to stab him in the thigh, Steve grabs you and throws you in a tree

You groan while standing up, Clint approaches you and tries to bring you down but you quickly slip him off of his feet and slice the side of his rib cage and stab him under his collar bone, seeing Clint on the ground, Steve and Tony try to bring you down

You fight with them, they are strong but you manage to get off of them and run again then Thor tries to hit you with his thunder but when he's busy summoning his power you throw two daggers at him and it lands on his right bicep and the side of his abdomen

Tony, Steve, and Wanda quickly approach you to try to end this. As Tony approached you, you noticed how he had his suit back on which didn't matter because you took it off of him and stabbed him in the hip and threw him into the tree

You're near your exit, but Steve stops you, you both exchange punches until Nat joins too. They try to bring you down but fail, you know them very well, reading what their next move would be was a big advantage for you

Steve gets a hold of you and Nat is gonna put you to sleep but you have other plans, you pout at her and laugh like a crazy person

"I love you Natasha but," as you trail off you use Steve as strength and kick Natasha to her face making her nose bleed and slam down on the ground

You jump Steve's back and quickly stab him on the back of his hip and tase him making him fall to the ground. Wanda quickly comes into your view, you look at her with a pout then smile, her eyes glow red while she starts to form an energy ball, you gasp at it like you're surprised at what she's doing

"You know my dear friend, you're late for the fight and now an energy ball, seriously?" You laugh at her actions causing her to look at you with anger in her eyes

"You leave me no choice Y/N, I don't want to do this but I have to" she continues to form the energy ball to throw it at you but stops when you state something that makes her question herself

"You have to because that's what they ordered you to do Wanda! Look at what happened to your dear brother, he died because you both followed Ultron, you both helped him take the whole city of Sokovia down, if you both didn't take orders, there would've been no war in Sokovia," you bitterly exclaim with a smile causing Wanda to get lost in her mind

"That's enough!" Natasha exclaims through gritted teeth

She then uses one of her widow bites on you causing you to fall to the ground. You quickly take it off and slowly stand up, you look at her with an emotionless expression

That's when Natasha realized that fighting with you will never change your mind but what she did next really shocked you

"Y/N, I'm not gonna fight you, okay," she said softly while taking off her widow bites and taking her guns and knives off of her body and resting them on the ground. She then stands up with hand in the air, showing you her surrender

"Let's talk, please," she says with a pleasing tone

"I'm not gonna fight you, I promise" You didn't buy it but you just look at her and she sends you a pleading nod

"Okay, it's fine if you keep your weapons, but please" she says while starting to take a step towards you causing your body to get into alert mode

Noticing this she stops to let you adjust to her, when she knows that you're okay she starts to walk towards you slowly again, you let her until she's in front of you. Tears fall down her eyes causing you to wipe them with your thumb, she then cups your face and sniffles while smiling at you

"Please stop this, this is madness, this is not the Y/n I know," she whispers, searching in your eyes for any sign of the Y/n she knows but she couldn't find the spark you used to hold in your eyes. She couldn't find you in them anymore

"I'm willing to do anything to protect you, those guys" you trail off trying to contain yourself

"They deserved to die" you whisper lowly and your eyes turn soft

Nat smiles as she notices the shift in your expression, hoping that the 1% of her Y/n will be enough to get through to you, she'll take that small chance to bring you back

"I know but you don't have to do that" she caresses your cheeks with her thumb and smiles at you

"You're a hero Y/n, you're not the Villain. You do good things for people, you don't go around killing people like that" she whispers softly and puts her forehead on yours, you close your eyes and feel the connection, you even drop the knife you held in your hand

"I'm just doing what I know is right" you whisper while looking at her eyes. You're so lost in the moment that you crash your lips on hers

Shock runs through Natasha's body while anger starts to bubble in her chest, unable to contain herself she harshly pushes you off

Guilt starts to cloud her brain as she starts to feel like she cheated on Steve which causes her to get more angry

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!" she shouts while wiping her lips. Her lashing out causes you to go back to your crazy side, you chuckle and shrug your shoulders

"I just kissed you my love-" Before you could finish your sentence she cuts you off

"DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT! I'M NOT YOUR LOVER AND WILL NEVER  BE! YOU'RE A FUCKING KILLER!" As she shouts in your face, no emotion is seen on yours which causes Natasha to get even more angry

"YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME?!" she questions

"YOU KILL EVERY MAN WHO LAY THEIR HANDS ON ME BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU NEED TO KILL NEXT?!" she bitterly questions, completely losing her composure. You keep your silence causing Nat to go on

"YOUR FUCKING SELF! YOU'RE A FUCKING KILLER!, YOU THINK THEY ARE DANGEROUS FOR ME?! WHAT IF I GOT WITH YOU?!" she exclaims with venom filled in her tone

"I WOULD CHOOSE TO BE WITH ANY OF THOSE MEN OVER YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE THE MOST DANGEROUS PERSON!" she shouts pointing her finger in your chest aggressively causing Wanda to snap out of her thoughts and watch what was going on

"YOU'RE A CRAZY, DANGEROUS, KILLER. THE WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE WITHOUT YOU IN IT!" she exclaims again, finally taking a deep breath to gather herself

"Stop following me, killing for me and most importantly stop loving me because I will never love you the way you want me to" she hisses out bitterly

You stand there, taking everything she said in, Wanda just stands there gulping at what Natasha said, she doesn't want to get in between this so she chooses to stay out of it

"Is that really what you want?" you ask with an emotionless tone

She looks at you with confusion, but nods frantically and Wanda bites her lips alternating her gaze between the both of you

"Yes! Yes that's what I want" she said still angry causing you to simply nod at her

"Okay" you simply state and then throw a small chip at Wanda causing her to fall to the ground and tase Natasha in the neck making her go weak

"But I will never surrender myself to you" you simply state, you run off until you approach your emergency vehicle, it was a black 2020 BMW R1250 RS

Once you get in the vehicle you quickly drive off, away from them and make sure that no one's following you. Once you confirm you're not being followed you speed off to your house

It's been a week now and the team stressed at first that you got away but it was a relief when no new victims were found, it makes them think that you stop but they are still trying to find you

They want to see and talk to you in a good way, not like your last encounter, they keep looking for you

But Natasha is so bother at where you at and the package you send to her the night after the fight, it was a small box with full of the flower of a cherry blossom tree and a note, she don't want to open it so she don't know what it is but she always keep it on her pocket

Then Wanda is so lost in her head, after the fight she feels something wasn't right after that she feels all of your connection to her is gone, and it makes her worried and drives her crazy, she just wishes that you're ok

"Finally!" Tony shouts and writes down the address of your house, everyone goes to him

"What? What is it?" Natasha asked frantically and Steve rubbed her arm

"I finally found her" Tony said and gave the address to them, Natasha quickly read it out loud

"What are we waiting for? let's go!" Wanda quickly said, getting anxious at what will happen next, she doesn't have a good feeling, she tried to connect to you for weeks now but she just can't, it's like you just vanished

"Ok let's go" They all said and quickly got to their cars, Steve, Natasha, Wanda and Vision are in one car then Bucky, Sam, Thor, Clint and Bruce are in the other car together and well, Tony is in his sports car alone

They speed off in your location, the others are happy that they will finally find where you are but not Wanda, she truly feels something is wrong, and she can't lose you cause you're the only one who's left of her family, she see you as a sister

Once they got in the house, it was quiet, the house was silent and like it's no life, it's not lively, the plants are already dead, dried leaves are scattered around the house, it's like someone abandoned it

"Ok, let's go" Bucky said, scanning the house

They nod and go to your front door, they knock but no one's opening the door nor no sounds inside the house, they look at each other worried

"Let's just go in" Sam suggests and Steve nods since he's in the front and he opens it

They frown at the door isn't lock, they got in and the scan the house, the house is neat, no object are out of place, the house looks like your style so they know it's yours, but it have dust that confused them cause you're the person who's organized and clean, who leaves no sign of trash nor a single dust in your place

"Ok scattered around" Nat said and they nod, Nat and Wanda go up with Bucky and Vision and they divide into two so Wanda and Nat wonder at the right side

They see nothing, so the guys go up and meet Bucky and Vision so they go to Wanda and Nat, then they hear a loud thud and scream of Wanda, they quickly run to where the sound is, clearly worried, and they burst into your room

They see Natasha and Wanda are on the floor, frozen while looking up, Wanda is screaming and trying to get out of Natasha's embrace while Natasha holds Wanda tightly

The woman was both crying, while Wanda screamed, agonizing that everybody's heart broke. Once the guys saw what it was, they were shocked

Steve, Bucky, Bruce and Sam shook their heads while tears ran down to their cheeks, their eyes glued to what was in front of them, crying specially Tony, his heart wreck

"NO NO NO NOOOOOOOO!" Thor shouts and the cloud turns to dark gray and thunder are everywhere, starting a thunderstorm

They see you, see you hanging in the ceiling, blood is already dried in your body and on the floor, that night until the other day, all is in your head is what Natasha said and what she wants

You didn't refer at what the last thing she said, your asking if she truly want for you to kill yourself, so when you confirm it, you think of it over night until you hang a rope in the ceiling of your bedroom and hang yourself there but not before torturing yourself too like you did to the others

"NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Wanda screams and gives up, leaning on Natasha and crying on her arm

Natasha acts strong but deep inside her, she's so broken, she picks Wanda up and goes out of the house to their car and they cry there but Natasha tries to comfort her, cause she knows how you meant to her

While the two women crying in the car, Steve and Bucky bring your body down, then they bring you to the compound and clean you up, only a woman who's not related to you cleans you up cause Nat or Wanda can't look at you

They mourn for you that day until you're already clean. They go to you and look at you, when they see you they finally see your innocent face

Memories flashing back to their head and tears falling, all the happy memories are coming back to their head, and it breaks their heart to see you like this, that you took your own life

Once they are around you they take the white fabric covering your body and you're wearing a white sando and shorts

That's when they saw the carved words, it was all over your body, they gasped at it, Natasha's world crashed when she saw it

'Killer' 'Crazy' 'Dangerous' are carved in you, all over your body, from head to toe

The night of your fight flash back on Natasha's head, when she lashed out at you and what she said, she gasped at it and just got out there

She can't handle it all, it's so overwhelming for her, so she got on her motorbike and went to one place you both love, it was a special place cause that's where you both always spend your free time and make happy memories

She goes to the mountain where you can see the city, you both even build a little tree house there and plant flowers there

Once she got there she got to the edge and sat there, that's where you both sit, but today she sat at your side, at the right one

She sobs there, she lets her emotion out there and holds her chest at how painful it is. The memory of her telling you what you are and what you should do that night is repeating in her head like her favorite movie that she didn't get tired watching

She keeps crying there, she take all of her emotion out there, she even throw a rocks and scream at the top of her long until her body collapsed on the ground, she sob there pouring all of her emotions that she never let anyone see it and let them to know it excluding you, your the only person she can be who she is and show every part of her

Until she brings out the note you sent to her, out in her pocket then she slowly opens it with her shaky hands and reads what you wrote

She thinks that she can't cry anymore, she thinks that all of her tears are all pour out but once she read what you wrote she sobs at it and more tears come out, while clinging the note to her chest with a shattered heart

I'll always do what you wantYour wish is my commandBye. Natalia

She cries there, she cries her eyes out, her heart sting more at the use of her birth name, you never used it before, it has always been Nat, Natty, Tasha or other pet names she loves but this? This broke her heart more than before, this is the first time she cried like this, like the half of her life ripped out of her, like someone took that away from her, when you took your own life, you bring the half of Natasha with you

You're her best friend, her buddy, her partner of crime, you show her love, you're the one who make her believe that she's not just capable but she also allowed to love someone, your the one who show her that love isn't just for children, Natasha's life is full of darkness, traumas and bad thing that hunt her but when she see you, when you come to her life, your the highlight of her life

You take all her worries away, because of you, her past never hunted her, she feels like all her life are all happy, you're the most important person in the world to Natasha, she will do anything to protect you cause you saved her, you saved her in any possible way

But she failed to protect you, even worse she's the reason why you took your own life, she killed you, and now this will forever haunt her until she dies

"I'm-I'm so........sorry bub, I'm so sorry I didn't protect you!" she whispered crying

She screamed at the top of her lungs, it was so agonizing, that if anyone will heard her will break

Your death will hunt her every night, every hours, minutes and seconds, she will never forget this day

[evervigilantnightshade]

The Line - Part 5

Reader and John have always straddled the line between playful flirting and taking things further. However when they are forced into a safe house and a secret comes out will they be able to save what they were heading for or is all lost.

Reader x John Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Laswell, Original characters.

Warnings for series: Angst, violence towards reader, reader attacked by men, a pup gets hurt (but don't worry he's ok) Blood, fluff, flirting, a bit of light smut. Death and killing on missions, Father of reader's death mentioned. Puking.

Authors note: Enter Keegan

MASTERLIST

The next morning the team was in rough shape, Y/N made her way to the kitchen to grab a coffee and both Simon and Soap were sitting at the kitchen table with their heads down. Y/N opened the cupboard and then slammed it shut causing Simon to bolt upright and Soap to groan. 

“Fuckin hell woman.” Simon grabbing his head. “Goddamn Konig and his shots.” He growled and put his head back down. 

Out of pity she made them both a cup of tea and brought it over to the table before going back and grabbing her coffee to join them. 

“I think I’m dyin.” Soap whined  

“Surely you have been in rougher shape than this.” Y/N took a sip of her coffee and rolled her eyes

“No. This is it, get yer goodbyes in.” 

“So dramatic.” 

She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and pulled it out, seeing a message from an unknown number. 

“Pulling up in about 5 minutes, don’t fucking shoot me. Again.” 

Y/N smirked, having a feeling she knew who it was. She got up and headed out to the front porch and leaned against the railing enjoying the cold crisp air. She was enjoying the stillness when beside her she heard a groan. Looking over she saw Gaz curled up in one of the deck chairs with sunglasses on. 

“What are you doing out here?” 

“Needed air. Think I’m going to be sick.” 

With that he ran over to the railing and threw up. 

“I see you didn’t listen to me.” Y/N said, shaking her head. 

“I tried! Have you ever tried saying no to Konig? He doesn’t listen! He’s all smiles and ‘s all ‘Vu need another drink, trust me’ and you do! You trust him! But he lies!!! ” 

In front of her she heard tires crunching on gravel and she looked up to see a black car with black out windows, similar to the SUV they came up here in. 

“Who the hell is that?” Kyle stood up trying to be alert but then heaved over the railing again. 

Stepping out of the car was a man wearing a black mask that covered his nose and mouth, along with a black ball cap. He was wearing a black hooded sweater and had the sleeves rolled up showing his arms that were both covered in tattoos. He had a package in his hand and put his hands up in mock surrender. She’d know those baby blues anywhere.

“Keegan.” Y/N smiled

“I’m unarmed.” He called out as he took steps forward. 

“You’re a lousy shot so it wouldn’t matter if you were.” Y/N called back 

“That’s inaccurate.” He said, making his way up the stairs of the porch. 

“Got the scar to prove it.” 

Y/N grabbed the package from his hand and opened it. Laswell worked fast. She pulled out some papers, a couple of passports and a folder. 

“I was aiming for your shoulder. For the record. Unlike you who took out one of my kidneys.” His voice is low and quiet. 

“I was aiming for your kidney. So I guess we’re square.” Her voice was distant as she looked at the paperwork in the folder. 

“So it’s true? You comin over to Kortac.” 

Y/N froze and looked at Keegan with a look telling him to shut the hell up.

“Not the time, Keegan.” She motioned over her shoulder to Kyle who was now sitting back in the chair. 

“Wait, you’re leaving the 141?” Kyle asked 

Y/N sighed and then turned to look at him. 

“It’s complicated. Things were said. John wants me off the team, told me last night. Don’t say anything to anyone please. I’m still working shit out.” 

“No but he was drunk. He probably didn’t mean it Y/N. I bet he apologizes today.”

“Gaz love, the things said last night can’t be taken back, no matter how many times he apologizes. Again though, please don’t say anything to anyone. We have several more days of travel in front of us and I don’t want to spend that with Ghost and Price beating the shit out of each other. So please promise to keep this between us for now.” 

“Ok I promise.” 

“Jesus what is this, high school?.” Keegan muttered behind her “Hope you don’t bring it over to our team.”

“Do you like your remaining kidney or….”

Keegan put his hands up again in mock surrender and she pushed him towards the door. She was about to turn the handle when the door opened and standing in front of them was Price. He looked at Keegan with confusion, seeing his hands up. He went to reach for his sidearm. 

“Who the hell are you?” He asked gruffly. 

“I’m a friendly. Laswell asked me to come by and drop off some stuff for Y/N.” 

His eyes then met Y/N’s and she saw regret on his face. He was about to say something but she spoke first. 

“Excuse us Captain, we have to speak to Konig.” She pushed Keegan back so Price could pass. “We should have a team meeting soon to discuss future plans but I will leave that up to you Sir.” 

His mouth opened and closed a few times before he nodded and walked past them. 

“Put your fucking hands down.” She hissed at Keegan who chuckled. 

“Yes Sir” He mocked her and followed her inside. 

Konig was now sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and a bottle of whisky. Walking over to the table, Keegan sat beside Simon who still had his head down. 

“Rough night?” He smirked and then slapped him on the back. 

“Who the fuck invited you.” Simon groaned, not lifting his head. 

“Your girl did. Think she’s bored of you. Needed a bit of the red white and blue to cheer her up.” 

“Fuck off.” Simon sat up and glared at Keegan. 

Y/N sat down next to Soap, reaching over and rubbing her hand up and down his back. 

“Laswell sent us some papers for the trip, and Keegan is with us for the next leg of it.” 

She stopped rubbing Soaps back but he grabbed her leg.

“For the love of god, dinna stop.” 

She smiled and started rubbing it again. Price walked in a few minutes later and called a team meeting. Gaz sat down at the table beside Y/N, Price sat beside him on his other side. Konig reached over and grabbed a file box and put it on the ground beside him. 

“Alvight, next part of vour journey is a train ride to Sweden.” He pulled out an envelope that had some passports and train tickets. “Here is how zee pairing will be. Captain Price and Y/N…” 

“Wait Konig, there’s been a change. May I?” Y/N held up the envelope Keegan had brought her.  

“Of course.” 

She reached for the envelope Konig had and switched out two of the passports and the tickets. 

“Ok Captain Price you’re with Gaz, you’re businessmen selling insurance, and you're teaching Gaz the ropes type thing. Ghost and Soap you two are together, you’re headed to a metal music festival Gothenburg. I’m paired with Keegan. We’re newly weds on our honeymoon. Any questions?” 

“What was wrong with the original plan? What changed?” Kyle asked

“Nothing was wrong, we just went a different way. Originally I was paired with Captain Price and we decided it would be better to have him with you.” 

“Who’s we?” Price asked, his head tilted. 

“Watcher and myself. Any other questions? Good. So myself…” 

“Why is Keegan coming and not Konig?” Price interrupted her. 

“Konig won’t show his face, so it's pretty hard to get through customs.” Y/N huffed “Moving on. Myself and Keegan are going to head into the city now. Ghost and Soap you head in an hour after us and then an hour after that Gaz and Captain Price. After we arrive in Sweden there will be cars waiting for each pairing that will have directions to the safe house.”

“There’s only two cars here now. That’s if he brought one.” Price spoke up again. 

“He did and a third was dropped off last night.” 

“Anything else?”

This time she waited for him to ask more questions but he didn’t.  

“I’ve got one.” Soap said, having finally raised his head up off the table. “Are all yer friends masked sociopaths?” 

“I told you to put the viskey in vour coffee and vu vould feel better.” Konig held out the bottle to Soap who turned green.

“Alright lets focus. Watcher also has provided us with clean phones so turn in your old ones and take a new one. We won’t be in contact now until we are at the next safe house unless it’s an emergency, so be safe.” 

She grabbed her and Keegan’s passports and tickets off the table and stood up. Simon, Konig and Keegan stood up as well and the group of them made their way to the front door. 

“Don’t vee a stranger.” Konig hugged her softly before placing a kiss on the top of her head. “Hope to hear from vu soon.” 

“Back at ya big guy.” She then turned to Simon.

He was staring at her.  

“You ok?” 

“I’m fine. You behave, yeah?” 

“Will do. See you on the other side.” 

He continued to stare at her so intently that she had to turn and grabbed her bag just to escape his gaze. She walked out to the car, glad to be away from the team for a bit. 

They drove in silence as Y/N stared out the window thinking about everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours. She’d lost so much her heart hurt so badly she didn’t think it would ever heal. She wished she could just walk away now, take one of the passports and just fly somewhere by herself to wallow in her heartache. Normally that place would be home but without that option she was a bit lost. 

“Ok this silent brooding is killing me. Want to talk about it? I’m actually a pretty good listener.” Keegan asked, keeping his eyes on the road. 

“Everything is just fucked up right now and I have no way of fixing it. My first instinct is to run but that’s not an option unfortunately.” 

“I mean it can be, but I don’t think that’s what you really want.” 

“Why did I let things get so complicated? We’re soldiers, there shouldn’t be feelings and I definitely should never allowed myself to get into this position. My dad…” She stopped and sighed. “Let’s just say he wouldn’t be exactly proud of me right now.” 

“Well I’m sure that’s not true. Yeah we’re soldiers but we’re also human Y/N, and that means emotions, feelings and all that gross shit. Look I don’t know what’s going on, except that your Captain kicked you off the team. However I also heard he was drunk and just being around you all right now I can tell tensions are high. Maybe hold off on signing those discharge papers Laswell sent you, for a bit anyway.” 

Y/N didn’t answer, instead she turned and faced the window again. 

The train ride to Sweden was long and Y/N spent the majority of it thinking about the situation. She let herself get distracted and fell for a Captain. It was inappropriate and stupid. She had rules in place for herself for a reason. She should have never allowed herself to fall in love. She’s made a fool of herself and she would never do that again. 

When they arrived, she was no longer allowing herself to wallow. She was angry, not just at herself for her stupidity but at John for the things he said. Keegan wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they made their way to the car, playing up the newly wed persona and she smiled and wrapped her arm around his waist. What they didn’t know was that Gaz and Price were walking behind them and he had his fists clenched. 

“You alright Sir?” Gaz could see the jealousy on Price’s face  

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just been a long journey so far.” 

Gaz hummed and they walked in silence for a bit. 

“Can I be honest with you?” he asked and Price nodded his head. “We don’t really know what’s going on with Y/N and Ghost.” 

“Gaz..” Price grunted in warning 

“Just hear me out please. We don’t know what’s going on, and we don’t know why they kept it from us. I do know that it has to be a damn good reason though. I mean Y/N loves this team, she would do anything for each one of us. We’re better because of her. I’ve watched her for the last few months and the way she looks at you, that girl’s crazy about you. So please don’t do anything rash before you hear her out. We don’t want to lose her right?” “She told you then” Price asked seeing right through Kyle

“Keegan mentioned her transferring to Kortac. I pressed her and she told me a bit.” 

“She’s transferring to Kortac?” Price asked with a slight panic in his voice. 

“She’s thinking about it, I don’t think she feels like she has a choice.”   

Price nodded but didn’t respond. His words to Y/N kept playing over and over again in his mind. At the time, with whiskey running through his veins, his anger was justified and his words were true. Now though his head was clear and he regretted so much. Doubt had slowly crept up on him while on the train thinking about her words. 

“You don’t know the situation John. I’m not what you think I am”

What if he was wrong. The thought drove him mad. He told her this just about sex but that was a lie. He was in love with her, and had been for a long time. When he told her that he would never be able to go back after crossing that line it wasn’t because of the sex, it was because it would hurt too much. 

By the time they arrived at the safehouse he physically felt sick thinking of the things he said to Y/N. He thought about trying to talk to her even though he was still hurt, regardless of what the situation was, she still lied. They lied, he corrected himself.

Ghost and Soap sat on the couch in the living room still looking like they were suffering. Y/N and Keegan were nowhere to be seen.  

“Everyone make it back ok?” Price inquired. 

“Y/N and Keegan haven’t arrived yet.” Soap said, leaning back and putting his hands over his face. 

“Anyone heard from them?” 

As if on cue the door opened and Y/N walked in carrying a small box, Keegan following behind her.  

“Everything good?” Simon asked and she nodded. 

“We had to run some errands.” 

“What errands?” 

“Nothing big, just had to pick up a few things.”

“We really shouldn’t be going off alone.” Price said and Y/N glanced over at him. 

“I wasn’t alone sir, I was with Keegan. We were sure to keep a low profile I assure you.” 

She took the box and walked back to where the bedrooms were. Sliding the box under her bed  then going back into the living room. She sat on the couch next to Gaz and he immediately started showing her a video on his phone. Keegan was chatting with Simon and Soap, laughing at them for still feeling hungover. 

Price had to talk to Y/N, he needed to at least apologize for the way he spoke to her last night. He walked over to her and she looked up at him.

“Can we talk?”

She looked at him for a moment, her face blank. 

“No.” She finally said and then got up off the couch moving to the kitchen. 

Simon looked at Price and then at Y/N. He could tell instantly that something had happened and it wasn’t good.

“What’d you do?” He growled at Price who stood looking sheepish. 

Simon stood up and was walking towards Price when Y/N stepped between them and grabbed Simon’s arm pulling him down the hallway. 

“What did you do!.” Simon barked. 

“Stop.” She shoved him into her room. 

“Tell me what he did.” Simon was fuming and he began pacing, unable to stand still. 

“Look it’s no big deal, he just ended it last night. That’s all.” 

“Ended what?” Simon’s anger peaking 

“Ended whatever it was that we were doing. I mean there wasn’t really anything to end but whatever it was, it’s over. Now we can move forward. I mean it was highly inappropriate anyways. I was here to work and I lost sight of that. The conversation we had last night just put my head straight.” 

It wasn’t a complete lie, the things John said made it clear he had no feelings for Y/N. Thinking back on it he never did say he felt the same way. For now though she would keep the last part of her and John’s conversation to herself. Like she told Kyle, they have a long journey ahead, no need to talk about it now.

“Y/N,” Simon softened. "I’m sorry.”  

“Simon, I said I’m fine.” 

“I know you better than you think and I know that you’re hurting.” 

“Simon, like I said, it's for the best. Whatever I’m feeling will pass. Trust me. I’m dealing with it.” 

Simon hated this. She wasn’t dealing with it and he knew exactly what she was doing. She did the same thing when her dad died. She pushed it down deep and threw herself into work. It took a few months but eventually it boiled over and she broke down in his room one night so badly he had to give her a sedative. 

Y/N could see the concern on his face so she pulled the box she had stashed under her bed to distract him. 

“Here I have something to show you.” 

She reached into the box and pulled out two small boxes. She placed them in front of him. 

“Ok this one,” She opened the box to reveal a small skull pendant that looked like his mask with small diamonds in it on a silver chain. “This is for Ava. Look at the back there’s an inscription.” 

 He picked it up and turned it over to reveal an inscription that said “You're my peace.” 

“And this one.” She opened another box to reveal a sunflower pendant on a gold chain. “That one is for Clara.”

He picked it over and the inscription read “You're my sunshine.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

“Simon love, we’re not going to have any shopping time and we’re going to be home for Christmas. So I took some of your doodles from the notebook in your room and got these made for you. I asked Kate to find me a jeweler that was on our way home that was able to do it.”  

“They’re beautiful Y/N. Thank you.” 

She reached over and squeezed his hand. 

“You can’t go home to the girls empty handed. Besides you paid for them, you designed them, I just executed.” 

“I paid?” He asked and she smirked. 

“What about the rest of the stuff?” 

“Gifts from Santa.” She smiled and put the box away under the bed. 

Simon sat staring at the necklaces for a bit before putting them away in their boxes. 

“Thank you again. These are perfect.” 

“Ok I think I’m going to go to bed, it’s been a long day.” 

“Yeah, long day.” Simon replied his thoughts elsewhere. “Where is the next stop again”

“Ireland.” Y/N said with a yawn. 

“Ok, night.” 

He walked back out to the living room seeing Price out on the back deck smoking a cigar. Soap and Gaz must have gone to bed because Keegan was the only one there. Simon sat next to him, his thoughts running through something he was trying to work out. He then turned to Keegan. 

“She say anything on the train?”

“No, she was uncharacteristically silent. I know things are pretty fucked though. She did tell me that.” 

“I hate when she’s quiet. It feels wrong.” 

“Listen,” Keegan turned to face Simon. “I know we aren’t buds or anything but I think we can both agree that Y/N is common ground.” 

Simon nodded and Keegan continued. 

“You need to get that Captain of yours in order and find some way to fix this because if you don’t you’re all going to lose her. Once she walks away she won’t come back. You and I both know that.” 

Simon grunted lost in thought. 

“I’m going to bed, can I leave the two of you alone?” Keegan asked, motioning to the back door. 

“Yeah I’m going too.” 

Simon got up and followed Keegan down the hall but turned off when he got to his room. He instantly got on the phone and made some arrangements making sure everything was handled before he went to sleep. 

In the morning he got up and wasn’t surprised to see Y/N sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. The two of them were always the early risers of the group. He grabbed a cup of tea and sat down next to her. She smiled at him and slid a package over to him

“This came for you this morning.” She stifled a yawn. “A courier dropped it off.” 

Simon grabbed the package and opened it peering at the contents inside. 

“Keegan left too. About a half hour ago. He said to say bye.” 

Simon nodded but his attention was on the package. 

“Anything good?” Y/N asked curiously. 

“Actually yeah. It’s from Laswell. I called her last night. Y/N we’ve bounced around enough, if Bako is going to find us I don’t think one more flight is going to change that. So I got Laswell to change up the tickets.” 

“What are you saying?” 

“I’m saying we have tickets on a flight this afternoon that will take us home.”

“Si, does that mean…” 

“We’ll be home by tomorrow morning.” 

[cr33pz-mck3nna]

hi! could you please write jason the toymaker, laughing jack, and candypop for the yandere prompt?:3

YANDERE HEADCANONS WITH THE CARVINAL TRIO

Ft: My vers of Jason the Toymaker, Laughing Jack and Candy Pop(credits for the images to the OPs on Pinterest)

Jason the Toymaker

Yandere level/intensity: 8/10

Love language: Giving gifts, physical touch, words of affirmation(receiving)

• Once this man lays his eyes on you it's over, they're never leaving you again

• He will disregard his job for you, has gotten in trouble with his fellow crps for this

• Once he has you he is never letting you leave, will whine if you have to go shopping and finds a reason to hate every last one of your friends

• If Slender was to find out about you and order your death his genuine response would be "Pardon me Slenderman sir..but I'd like to see you try."

• Started making you your favorite kind of toy(doll or stuffie) immediately after seeing you, would send them to you in a cliche "secret admirer" way, calls those toys in particular your children

• He would bring you around certain crps but would not bring you to live in the mansion, you would live in his workshop with him and his toys

• He would not trust you around the other two in the carnival trio, especially Jack, if you're ever around while they also are you are ALWAYS holding his hand, he trusts Candy around you if anything but Jack is a 100% no like..he'll never leave you alone with Candy, or anyone really, but he will not even allow you in the same building as Jack

• This man is possibly worse than Tobias when it comes to his self esteem and needs a constant stream of verbal and physical love to not loose his fucking mind due to his own thoughts

• His favorite time? Cuddle time of course! This man LOVES his physical attention, he's very anti touch with every person around him except for you so be prepared to have absolutely no personal space anymore, the bathroom will become your sanctuary-

• If you ever tried to leave him he would not be the type to kill you, not his precious, never his precious, he WOULD break your legs The Promised Neverland style tho and drag you home, best case scenario you learn to not run again, you heal and live happily ever after(kinda), worst case scenario though...he paralyzes you and takes you to Puppeteer for help turning you into a living doll, his now favorite doll.

Laughing Jack

Yandere level/intensity: 10/10

Love language: Violence, Physical touch, Giving/Receiving gifts, Nicknames

• You were his victim, of course, Jack ain't one of the crps like Jason or a proxy who could've met you on casual terms y'know-

• If you were unphased by the deaths of your friends then that probably would've made him intruiged with you, if you were hiding your fear though...that would've made him even more intruiged

• I do hope you are not an empath because this man LOVES to see you cry, one way or another, finds your angry tears the most beautiful though

• Can be very rough with his physical attention, I'm not sure if you cried if that would make the situation better or worse for yourself

• As much as he loves seeing you cry if it's not caused by him WHOOO BOY whoever caused it better start saying their prayers

• If Slender found out about you and ordered your death, again, I see this man CACKLING HYSTERICALLY at Slender and anyone else around, like they actually have a fucking chance-

• Likes bringing you around the other crps because he knows none of them are dumb enough(except Jeff or BEN) to touch HIS human, will definitely keep you at the mansion because I don't see him liking the victims at his carnival seeing his posessionhis weakness

• Loves bringing you around Jason and Candy just to flaunt you like a prized dog he also loves having someone around while he calls the two colorful men all sorts of snide gay comments

• His idea of gifts are either candy, toys or human/animal body parts so..it's like a game of russian roulette every time he gives you a "gift", he is also the type that if he doesn't like your gift he will tell you to your face but secretly keep it forever

• Probably has a nickname for you like "flea" or "maggot" that he'll call you when around people but he definitely loves calling you "sweetheart"

• Now if you tried to leave then all bets are off. Of course, all humans are the same after all! He would immediately kill you, he spared you when he should've killed you alongside your friends and still you do this to him!? He would never speak of you again and his hatred for humans might be even worse this time

Candy Pop

Yandere level/intensity 7/10

Love language: Quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation(giving), nicknames

• When he first saw you...nobody else did after that day- Absolutely is the impulsive Yandere who takes you immediately

• Absolutely a lovebomber but doesn't do it out of malice, honestly I don't think he knew he was yandere until you explained to him what that even was-

• A constant flow of emotional and physical attention attention from him, if you came from a very emotionally connected family then you immediately feel at home but if you had a more distant family who wasn't very loving then I wouldn't be surprised if early on you broke down in tears

• Probably the most loving yandere out of the three of them, will most probably accidentally give you stockholm and have you convinced it's a healthy relationship until you see Jeffrey walking by and get a MASSIVE reality check

• If Slender finds out about you and orders your death this man can and will drop every form of a life he has built with the crps and go off the grid with you, he is NOT taking any chances with your mortal life

• Will most definitely keep you in his dream dimension most of the time, if you want to go back to the human world he'll see if one of the boss's cabins are available

• He only brings you around Jason and Jack because he considers them his best "friends", if you felt uncomfortable around any one of themJack he would stop bringing you around them but if you took to one of them he would bring that one to you to hang out, so bring them to his dream dimension more

• Most favorite nicknames would probably be "sugar", "gumdrop", "honey bun" and "my love"

• This man does not trust ANYONE around you, somehow has more trust issues then Jason, though he'll allow people you trust around you

• Definitely the "pleaser" type of yandere, is never happy unless you are happy and will do anything to make you that way, even if it means making himself uncomfortable, anything for you

• Definitely has taken a kid or two as his newest "present" for you, will reluctantly return them if you ask him to, what can I say he loves playing house with you, gives him the closest feeling to what he thinks might be humanity

• This man has nightmares about loosing you and his dreams aren't much better as they're always filled with "What if's" about your relationship if he was human like you or you a monster like him

• If you tried to leave this could go one of two ways, he could finally snap and drag you back into his dream dimension, never letting you see the human world again and never letting you out of his sight, you don't have the right to do that anymore after breaking his trust, or he could let you go but believe me that till the day you die you'll never truly be alone again, he'll always be watching his love.

AHHH I LOVED THIS REQUEST! This was SO FUN to write and I hope y'all enjoy(and I hope this was sufficient enough to your request anon)! Sorry if any one of them is a little shorter than the others, I just wrote as much I could think of so I hope it's enough. Let me know if you want any more(or full fics, or a poly version of these headcanons) and remember requests are open just read the somewhat rules/introduction pinned on my page and maybe go read my list of characters and prompts if you don't have a very custom request. Tata for now my lovely little gremlins! -Creepz

[diangelodork]

LOUIS’ E4 COMMENTARY ‼️

(i had a feeling this would be his favorite and it is certainly the most notes he’s had yet!)

Dead Boy Detectives Episode 4 Initial Notes:

Alright lads lassies theys and gays we’re breaking out the good soup for this one

Another suicide warning hm

JENNY LESBIAN EPISODE

Snail mail sexting lmao

Secret admiring is almost never your soulmate I’m so sorry Niko

Also, just noticing the neck tattoo, metal as hell, that had to hurt sweet Jesus

Edwin reading that book like he’s 100 years old, fantastic subtle acting

Skipping around and reading astrology god if only

Men will do anything to avoid talking about their dad tsk tsk tsk

The type of melancholy that attracts me to large bodies of water

“People keep killing themselves” welcome to America, dead boy detectives… too much?

Wanna dress like this fucker when I’m old and crusty

“Those fish stick commercials that I like”

To be an itinerant young person

Hmmm memories or hints of joy and love lure them to their death… people without love torments by the promise of it??? Themes?? Too early???

Age gap discourse between a ghost and a furry I live for this kind of television

“I like your secret parts” ehh 🤮 but also that’s what she’d say to you fucking got ‘em

Lilith again

Dangerous women…

Kite enthusiasts too precious to die

Emotion and illogic THEMES

“LOVE REQUIRES NO LOGIC” I KNEW IT

Oh Edwin 😔

We all need a friend like Niko

“Probably high”

Stop looking without look within in crisis stop looking for answers of identity in other people and start looking at yourself

Tragic Mick!

Attracts evil seagulls ❤️

She’s gonna find the little people

NOPE WAY OFF ITS THIS FUCKER

Hit her with the cleaver immediately

Everyone needs a go to weapon

Come on my man NEEDS to become a walrus

Green represents emotional stability 💚

bait

YEAH

Damn Monty with the fit

Also Niko with the fit

Also Jenny with the fit

Ghost coffee!

Ah, close enough

ahhggEEWWWW AHHH

Mistreatment of dead children… institutionalization of childcare leads to suffering… eternal suffering in some cases

“You don’t belong here anymore” QUEER. THEMES.

OH MY GOD THEY STONED HIM FROZE HIM HOLY SHIT

Highlighting all the worst parts of life to make the child feel like they need you and your system

PUNK ROCK CHARLES PUNK FUCKING ROCK

Yeah it was a bit extreme now that I think about but she’ll be fineeeee

Need for love, false need for control, hurts him, themes

Case closed I guess indeed Niko

Please let Mick have some happiness by the end of the show

I love Niko and Edwin best friends so much UGH

SHES OPENING THE LETTERS AHHHHH

THEYRE BEING CANDID WITH EACH OTHER RAHHH

THE MUSIC IM CRYING

+bonus

[nobody tell him…]

GUYS I ANNOYED ONE OF MY FRIENDS WNOUGH TO WATCH DBDA!! im gonna be posting his live updates in the reblogs HEHEHEHEHE (the score is what got him to cave 👹)

[lycandrophile]

i absolutely cannot believe people are trying to start discourse about whether nex benedict was actually nonbinary / whether it was okay for him to describe himself as nonbinary to some people if he didn’t actually identify that way as if he isn’t literally DEAD because he was KILLED. this is a MURDERED CHILD and these monsters are so busy getting mad at the possibility that he might have been a trans boy who described himself as nonbinary to his family because that was easier for them to take that they’re turning a CHILD who was MURDERED into fucking discourse. even when we die at the hands of cis people’s violence, our own community finds a way to make us the villains of the story.

and all of this bullshit on top of the ways that cis people are already trying to say our grief over his death is unjustified. all of this on top of people claiming he wasn’t murdered and speculating on other causes of death (i literally saw someone say he “clearly went home and took the coward’s way out” and i have never been more disgusted) or claiming that he started the fight as if any action on his part could’ve been enough to justify his death. i am haunted by the sound of his father screaming that his child was not filth because that is what people have been saying about this poor kid, that’s how cruelly his memory is being treated, and even the trans community can’t get it’s shit together enough to look past the stupid discourse and see the tragedy in front of us. did you all forget that it was supposed to be up to us to grieve him in the way he deserves when the rest of the world fails to care if people like him live or die? did you all forget that this child was our sibling, the future of our community, a life that we should have had the chance to know and treasure while he was still here but that we now have a responsibility to hold close to our hearts in his absence? nex’s life was precious and it was ended far too soon and if you truly believe that anything is more important than mourning his life and fighting for a world where no more trans people have to meet such an awful fate, you’re a traitor to this community and you do not deserve the place you occupy within it.

i’m so tired. i can’t even imagine how tired his family must be, to see the public treat the child they’re grieving so horribly, to see the world fail their baby again. leave him alone. he was already robbed of peace in life; the least you can do is let him finally have it in death.

[unavailableapple]

I think I shoot be allowed to shoot my uncle.

Since birth he’s told me what a “dumb fuckin retard female” I am. He gave me lingerie as a birthday present when I turned 13. He told my mom not to show me “feminazi movies” like Frozen and Brave. He taught his son to lift up my shirts and skirts starting when I was 10 (and my cousin was 4) because he thought it was funny. He taught my cousin to grope me (starting when I was 8 and my cousin was 2) because he thought it was funny. My cousin only stopped doing these things recently because he realized it’s fucking weird. I can see the disgust in my uncle’s face every second he talks to me because he’s a lonely old man with an ex-wife who makes double his salary and a teenaged son who hates him and I’m a twenty year old lesbian who dates and has sex with significantly more women than him on a regular basis. And I think I should be able to kill him, for this and all the other things he’s done! And not just to me, the abuse he put his ex-wife through as well! I literally, as a 6 year old, begged her not to marry him even though it was the first time I’d ever met her because I knew him and I didn’t know her but I knew even the worst woman doesn’t deserve to be with him.

So, submitted for approval of the council, I would like permission to shoot him dead because he deserves it :]

[cyarskaren52]

[mushyposts]

TUMBLR PLEAAASE LET ME POST THIS NOW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

OF COURSE!!! This is the sort of analysis I could honestly talk about for hours, and if you have ANY more thoughts on my fic, please please PLEASE dont be scared to message me and hash it out!! I absolutely love the chance to think critically and analytically about my work.

You are absolutely not projecting, and even if you were, that would be entirely valid!! Creativity exists as a vessel for us as humans to feel, and if my writing at all helps you process any feelings you have around the themes I explore in it then I think i have more then succeeded in my task as a writer! : D

I also think that as a writer, I can put as much intent as I physically can into my writing. I can spend hours working to make sure a certain theme is perceived the specific way I want it to be, but if someone takes it a different way then I cant change that! I can take it as it is, and from there move and try to approach the theme in a different way, but people all have different live experiences that will make them see what i write differently. My experiences with parental figures, their presence, lack of, and their affection towards me will always be different to yours for example, and that means you will see how I write the parental dynamics in my writing different to how I do! Does that make sense?

Okay onto the actual analysis LMAO!! I think that people get caught up in this idea of "The choice was made for the greater good, so he should be absolved." and although yes, there is merit to understanding Hakoda didn't want to leave and was doing what he thought was the best choice for his kids and the future of his tribe its also SUPER important to understand that there were other ways.

A few things when considering the argument of Hakoda taking ALL the men, is firstly that we don't actually know how many people were in the "fleet" and there is some defence to the idea of them needing every working hand they can get, however I also think that alongside this argument is if Hakoda was doing this to protect his tribe it would have made sense to at LEAST leave enough men to defend them, or train Sokka and the other younger boys to have some form of defence.

I think the closest we get at seeing how many are in the fleet is pre-black sun, when they all meet up, and even then those numbers are skewed because of the involvement of other groups of people. EG: The swamp benders, the earthbenders and then the people who took residence at the northern airtemple. I do, however, personally believe that there should have been some men left behind to defend.

Another thing to consider is the canon timeline for when Kya dies and then when Hakoda leaves and then to canon actually is kind of inconsistent? We can assume Hakoda left around when Sokka was 13, but during the flashback of Kya's death along with the flashbacks in Bato of the water tribe where we see Hakoda leave, Sokka actually looks a lot younger. As far as I'm aware, as a show only watcher who doesnt actively intend on reading the comics, we dont really know how long the time between Kyas death and Hakoda leaving is. I even say at the start of my fic that I fucked with the canon timeline a bit to make it line up a bit better.

I think the show acknowledges Hakoda's abandonment and the complex ways thats hurt both Sokka and Katara in subtle ways. Katara very outwardly displaying her upset, albeit initially passive aggressively, she does eventually burst out, telling him "we needed you." and Hakoda apologises. Sokka is more internal, he obsesses over his ability to explain his plans, how he's perceived by his peers, an obsession with masculinity and what it means to be a man when you were never truly taught it in the first place.

I also think something that people tend to get mixed up with when it comes to critiquing Hakoda as a father, is they often equate being a bad dad, to being an abuser.

Hakoda, at least in my interpretations and I never intend for him to come off as so, isnt an abusive father. He is not a perfect father, he has made many choices that led to the long lasting hurt of his children. Speaking in the development of my own fic and how i've worked with Hakoda's character, he is an absent figure who was faced with an impossible choice and should have thought through it in more depth. He made a choice, and although its hard to fully say without a doubt he chose wrong, it had severely negative ramifications on the mental well being of his children.

Theres a lot to be said on the nuance of abuse, neglect, absent parental figures, especially fathers, and I don't want to speak TOO heavily on this because again, its such a nuanced and complex topic that I think I couldn't even begin to unwrap in tumblr reblogs. Theres some incredible fics out there exploring this with Hakoda and Sokka's dynamic, and I even have a one shot in the making all about this stuff in the canon universe seperate from my writing, but I just REALLY want to emphasise that I am so aware of how Zuko will come off to Sokka as a replacement.

I think in Zukka fics, or any fic with their dynamic, Sokka is often used as a tool for Zuko's healing, and his own trauma and negative experiences are put on the backburner in turn for Zuko's more outwardly present trauma. This is never something I want to do in my writing, I want to give a stage to each characters trauma, experiences and lives and try to show that things arent always as clean cut as they seem.

Hakoda abandoned Sokka and Katara. he left Sokka to be a man, without truly giving him the tools to do so.

Hakoda saved Zuko from death, and gave him a chance at life again.

These are two things that can exist at once, and the existence of one does not negate the other. People are a mess of good, bad, neutral, and its so hard to untangle it. Sometimes it doesnt even need to be untangled, sometimes you just need to hold the mess that people are and know it isnt a slight on you. You didnt cause the tangle, some tangles just are, yknow??

I also do personally believe in canon there are a lot of gaps that dont fully make sense in reference to Hakoda's character, and I think he honestly could have been executed a lot better in canon, so thats also something I like to consider whenever I am thinking too hard abt Hakodas character!!

I hope this made ANY sense at all. I usually have to sift through my writing like, a hundred times to get any kind of sense out of it, but truly this has been such a pleasure to write about!! : D Ur thoughts are so well written, and its incredible, as i said before, to see people picking up on the more nuanced things I'm trying to set up for future chapters!! it helps keep my steam for writing this honestly WAY bigger fic then I intended going!! : D I am MORE then happy to indulge!!!! If anything, this is indulging for ME! So thank YOU!!!

(Also, to answer ur tags, it isnt bad ur a bit mad at Hakoda!! He's flawed, thats okay! He's made mistakes just like anyone does. His just have more ramifications since he's the adult. I am a HUGE Hakoda stan and I do love him, but trying to work around canon and make him be a good father... A bit tricky!!)

I already put this on ao3 in a comment but you made me cry so you have to see it twice now. I know this entire story is Zuko-centric but I literally can't stop thinking about what this au means for Sokka.

Ok I just have to say I felt so heartbroken for Sokka here. All I could think about was how all of a sudden there's a boy in the place he's supposed to be. HE should be travelling with the men, HE should've been with them for the last three years, HE should be trusted enough with all this important stuff he should know if he is the next chief/acting chief.

He is being told this new kid has seen and done things the most skilled of warriors couldn't have done, like he is this almost untouchable standard Sokka can't reach. Then to be told he's taken Sokka's place in the tribe as Hakoda's and Batos' adopted child, teaching him how to be a man over the three years Sokka didn't even know his father, never a letter, never knowing when they would come home. Then being told by that same kid that he was only playing war. not to mention the piercings and jewellery he's adorned with.

Sokka has been the leader of the remnants of the Southern Water Tribe for three years, and due to the strict gender divides, had no one to teach him how to lead in the way a chief would. He has been the one hunting, defending, in charge of the future of their civilisation, the education of the children, which is really important in their culture. the memories of his father would be so twisted to the memories Hadoka has of Sokka. Sokka, in the months before he left, lost his mother, protecting his little sister. he then saw his father fall deep into depression, becoming very detached, and from what is described, angry and violent, not towards him, but that his still scary behaviour to witness. Then, his father left, and he was told he couldn't come, and that he was in charge of the village. Even though it was probably to boost his ego at the time more than anything, the impact on Sokka in that moment, combined into quite literally what his job becoming.

Just imagine when he finds out the secrets Zuko's hiding and how his father and Bato knew and didn't tell him. Sokka has struggled with feeling like he isn't important, as a non-bender and his relations with his sister, her being a prodigy + a bender, and his father, always feeling like he wasn't enough for his dad, not good enough, not smart enough, not needed, but the Zuko's good enough, Hakoda loves him.

Zuko, who has had an incredibly traumatic and difficult childhood, the last three years of his life is where he has found and made a spot for himself in a positive community that loves him and supports him, Sokka has become increasingly more and more isolated, and his sense of self has changed even more dramatically in the last few weeks.

Sorry for the long rant, but I could just feel Sokka's fears and insecurities screaming at me throughout the chapter. Love this work though, just cried for Sokka <3

HIII OH YOU SO GET IT!! OH YOU SOOOO GET IT!! The fic is for SURE Zuko-centric, but I have been intentionally layering on the potential for his arc to align with Sokka's in completely the opposing way. Zuko has everything Sokka wants, he has a space with the crew, the warriors. he spent the last three years with his father and Bato, bonding, developing his identity as a person alongside the tribe, welcomed in, he has gotten to be everything that Sokka has always wanted. Meanwhile, Sokka has everything that Zuko wants. Sokka was home, somewhere safe with people who cared for him and looked up to him, with his sister, away from his parents and in a position where he was in charge of his own life. Its such a twisted, complex situation where the two crave, desperately, what the other has without thinking about the context. Without thinking of what got the other to the point of having what they wanted, both in turn. IM SOOO happy to see someone talking about Sokka ohhhughhh im so fucking happy. I think a lot of people have focused on Sokka's initial attitude towards Zuko, without thinking about every single thing you've brought up in this beautifully constructed comment, of which I am really excited to eventually flesh out when I am back from hiatus. Sokka, more than anything, wants to be a warrior alongside his father. For Zuko, he doesn't think Sokka fully understands the gravity of what that would look like, especially after having experienced such a heavy loss as he had recently. (RIP king im sorry) but for Sokka, he see's a replacement. he doesnt know the nuances, not for lack of intelligence but he just literally hasnt been told and although he is owed explanation he isn't owed Zuko's story in its full, of what led Hakoda and Bato to the decision of keeping him on board. I firmly believe if Zuko had have been older, or had have been a child from any other nation, Hakoda and Bato would have not kept him. I actually go over this a lot in the early chapters where they're deciding wtf to do. It genuinely ended up being a problem of "well. No matter where we put him he's gonna get killed. How fucked up is that, safest place for this kid is LITERALLY on a warship of the enemy. great." I also think acknowledging the fact that Zuko HAS had a lot of support and comfort in the last three years whereas Sokka has not is a super important point to be made! Despite the current circumstances, and the ones that led Zuko to being in the position he is/was, Zuko did have support which Sokka lacked. TBH, if I hadve had more wiggle room and decided to fuck with canon more then I already had, I would have left a good amount of the warriors in the SWT, unlike in canon. Or had Hakoda go back to leave soldiers there when he realised they were going to be gone for longer then what I am assuming was initially planned. However I was more then aware that would SIGNIFICANTLY change the circumstances of Sokka's experiences and how it aligns with Zuko's, in canon and in the fic, so i chose against it. This is such a sporadic messy reply I am just so happy to get a comment picking up on all the stone I've been laying for a big discussion on the details of Sokka's own trauma and how its going to clash with Zuko's.

All this to say, Sokka will absolutely be getting his turn to hash out everything you've said here and I can promise you no stone will be left unturned when it comes to his trauma and life experiences!! I think a big thing I am most excited for is having the two hash it out and realise where their lives overlap, where their feelings and experiences align and managing to acknowledge that each others traumas dont cancel each other out. Zuko's experiences do not cancel out Sokka's, and Sokka's do not cancel out Zuko's.

[omo321]

“Are you crying?” Fina exclaims in alarm. Tsurumi is equally startled when he wipes at his face and his hand comes away wet. Not once had he shed tears, not even when he’d lost them. Pulling a chair up to him, Fina dries his cheeks with soft dabs of her handkerchief. With her hand on his shoulder and her beautiful, bright eyes soft with more love than Tsurumi can bear, she waits for an explanation that he cannot give.

gnawing on "theatre" by Saengak again... it's free serotonin to me