#... etc. So for all we know Patrick may not have always been a man - and he may not always be a man.

[seastarlily]

"Go SpongeBob!" *proceeds to comedically fall off his rock*

patick...

[ID: a digital drawing of patrick star. he is lying on his rock, raising his fist and giving a warm, encouraging grin to spongebob, who is off-camera. patrick is drawn with top surgery scars and he's surrounded by lots of bubbles. the background is the ocean the way it's typically drawn in spongebob: a blue gradient with colorful flower shapes as clouds. /end ID]

[ducktracy]

Have you ever wanted to join the writers room of SpongeBob and the Patrick star show?

THIS IS A TIMELY QUESTION! i was just discussing this with my director a few weeks ago. tldr before i even get to the long part: not necessarily, it's never really been something on my radar and so i don't feel as equipped for it but that could--and i hope it does--change!

LONGER EXPLANATION.. i was in a meeting with my director recently pitching my boards to him, and we got spitballing back and forth and we essentially just started joke pitching an idea for an episode. he was like "yknow that's pretty good, i could get you in touch with our script coordinators if you ever felt you wanted to take it further" and my response was like ahhhhhhh nah i could never write an episode i wouldn't know where to start blah blah blah, and we basically had a talk that amounted to "don't knock it 'til you'll try it" and so it's definitely been more on my mind lately

IT'S AN INTERESTING SITUATION. i'd consider myself a decent writer and i certainly enjoy doing it, most of my free time is spent writing my reviews! likewise, i LOVE breaking down and analyzing dialogue and coming up with random character conversations. talking to the person who typed the entire Hamlet soliloquy in Porky's stutter one time because ?. i think i'm more interested in writing than i think i really am

but something about writing for cartoons has always been very intimidating to me HAHA. i'm not really someone who is sitting on a wealth of episode ideas and dying going like "ahhh man i wish we could see SpongeBob and Patrick doing this", etc--if and when i have those moments it's usually very spontaneous and in the moment! like what i mentioned above when i'm spitfiring in a meeting. i think i get intimidated by the "where the hell do i start" and "how do i organize this" aspects, because i have had ideas for cartoons before and aim to act on some of them! i still haven't forgotten the "Porky and Daffy are competing salesmen" cartoon idea i thought up in 2020 which is also partially responsible for my job in the first place. but it's like a blip, a skip in a record in that i struggle untangling and organizing and really establishing a working structure. i am a VERY detail oriented person and so i think i like working smaller and more intimately, where i can add my own personal flair to something that someone who may be more proficient in establishing a foundation has done.

BUT! maybe i just say all this because i haven't done it yet!! don't know it unless i try! for my purposes as an artist now i enjoy drawing and embellishing pre-existing ideas and suggesting gags and getting into the nitty gritty of the details on a small scale, but i also don't wanna put myself in any boxes and restrain myself from trying, either. i don't talk about them as much on here just because they literally dominate every other aspect of my life (well that and NDAs forbid me from doing so!), but i love SB and Patrick and all the Bikini Bottomites deeply! i'm so lucky to get to document their lives. they really are like real friends to me and i hope i'm lucky enough to find more ways to fraternize with them and learn about them and bring out their tics and habits and traits and how they contrast and support one another. i do that best through drawing right now, but i'm excited for all the ways i'll be able to expand beyond that. and maybe one day that'll include writing!

ALSO KINDA FRAGMENTED I KNOW i just made my closing statements above. i apologize for my pedanticism. but TPSS doesn't have a writer's room to my knowledge because it's board driven! we get to sit in on storyboard pitches (just had a wonderful one this evening) and watch the artists pitch their boards and it's such a wonderful experience. i have thought "i wonder how it would go if i pitched to the network like that" in sitting in these meetings. BUT JUST WANTED TO CLARIFY i know writer's room is an all consuming term and i'm being pedantic. but it's very neat that we get to work on a board driven show to begin with and has made quite a difference and so i just like pointing it out :) i love what we're doing

[seastarlily]

Some random SpongeBob headcanons for y'all, since I don't know where else to put them, LOL.

Patrick has a collection of various valuable rocks hidden away somewhere in his house. Geodes, crystals, tumbled stones, etc. He loves them all. He has only ever showed his valuable collection to one other person, and that is his best friend SpongeBob.

Patrick and his parents technically all fall under the transgender umbrella (specifically genderfluid), according to science. It is well documented that adult starfish can change their gender in a multitude of ways for a multitude of reasons. One of the main reasons they do this is when environmental factors change, like water temperature and food availability. So, for all we know, Patrick may not have always been a man, and he may not always be a man. Same applies to Herb/Cecil and Margie/Bunny.

The first movie Squidward ever remembered watching was the SpongeBob equivalent of a Busby Berkely film - he was just so enamored with the graceful dancers and their radiant smiles and their gorgeous moves. I'd like to think that it was there he first felt the seed of wanting to be an amazing dancer be planted in all three of his hearts.

Mr. Krabs likes to go stargazing as a hobby. Considering he's a former pirate and navy man, Mr. Krabs more than likely had to use the stars to help his fellow sailors navigate at night. He gained an immense knowledge of the night sky and how it changed throughout the seasons as a result, as well as a lifelong interest and appreciation for it. Nowadays, anytime there's a special astronomical event (like a supermoon or a planetary alignment) or he's simply feeling nostalgic, he'll look out his bedroom window at the top of his anchor home with his telescope and take a look at whatever stars/planets are present. It's an activity that's always made him feel at ease.

Larry is bi-curious. He knows for a fact that he simply loves women in general (no matter the phylum), but men are a far more complicated matter. He does rather like the sight of a well-toned, muscular body on another man, but he can't tell if it's because he's impressed/proud of that man's accomplishment, or if it's something more. He is currently conflicted on whether he's fully straight or is in fact bisexual with an overwhelming preference for women. Whichever one is the case, he'll figure it out when he figures it out.

After the incident with Drizzle, Gale Doppler absolutely cannot eat any food with a cloud-like consistency, namely cotton candy. If he does, his stomach will cramp horribly, and he will violently puke it back out.

Rube Goldfish may not be the best source of information regarding the surface world, but he is astoundingly knowledgeable about life underwater and its history. It would only make sense given that he’s a sea creature himself and he’s amazed by everything, big AND small. He is especially keen on underwater paleontology.

Rube 100% decided to become a tour guide because of all the fun he had with Patrick when he was still a tourist. He felt that if he became one himself, he could bring the same kind of joy and wonder he felt when he was on tour himself.

Sticky Fins Whiting and Dorsal Dan are both LGBT. The former is gay, while the latter is bisexual. They dated for a while, but all that led to was an amicable break-up after realizing that they just weren’t compatible as romantic partners. They still work together amicably as partners in crime though (and as besties).

Sticky Fins’s new partner is Sockeye Sammy. Dan is very much aware of this, and wishes his best friend and his new partner all the happiness in the world.

This is sort of canon anyway if you believe the events that take place in “Krusty Cook-Off”, but I’d like to think that Sticky Fins and Dorsal Dan are of Italian heritage. Both of them are voiced by beloved Italian-American actors (Joe Pantoliano and Steve Buscemi respectively), and they are the main antagonists of the storyline that takes place in the “Pasta La Vista” restaurant in “Krusty Cook-Off”. They even take over the restaurant and start making the pasta themselves after SpongeBob and co. leave for the next place.

[outergalaxiesoutergalaxies]

ALL WIRED UP - a playlist

assimilate this! (exquisite technological mix)

WELL WELL WELL. I haven’t put together a playlist for a month or so, and it’s time. Also haven’t shared many of them here, I don’t think. We will be welcoming Virgo season in with a focus on robot rock, Borg perfection, wired up to the max, a playlist for all you machines and machine-lovers out there.

The Man Machine - Live

Kraftwerk

I was fortunate enough to see Kraftwerk twice in 2014; it was a religious experience. I saw them perform this album, 1978’s The Man Machine in its full entirety. Despite being a huge fan, I wasn’t expecting much. “How cool could it possibly be?” I, a fool, asked myself as I walked into Walt Disney Concert Hall in downtown LA. I knew they were going to be standing in front of their trademark podiums pressing buttons. What I didn’t know was how that was going to make me feel. I love the crowd coming in at 0:26 when the beat starts, and again at 0:59, which is when I must assume that the curtain fell to reveal The Robots. If you don’t know this entire album, you haven’t yet lived. Please listen to all of it.

Electricity

Midnight Star

“You got my head all wired up”

This was the start of this mix; it was the root my working Data/Geordi fan mix for forever, aka the “DaForge” mix to those of us with excellent taste. You may recognize Midnight Star from “No Parking On The Dance Floor,” their entire catalog is full of funky computer hits.

Human Being

Jane Inc.

“Accentuate my structure”

A quite hard synth and light drums anchor this track, which came across as a lovely surprise in some of my explorations for this playlist.

Get A Little

Patrick Cowley

Yes, this song has been on a few of my past mixes, including last month’s. To that I say, mind your business and get your ass on the dance floor. Patrick Cowley may be most known for his production work with San Francisco dance legend Sylvester (You Make Me Feel, etc.), but his solo work stands on its own as manual/physical synth excellence. Cowley died of AIDS in 1982, another bright light stolen from us.

Faster Than The Speed Of Love

Georgio Moroder

No synth-heavy mix is complete without the Italian stallion of synth, the techno-grandfather himself. Sorry about the poor transition but this entire album is a flow worth experiencing in full.

Desire

Future World Orchestra

If you’ve ever wanted to see a 1980’s track suit dripped out cartoon-looking white guy from the Netherlands playing about $70,000 worth of synthesizers, look this video up on YouTube. Big thanks to the Pop Overbite TikTok account for helping me discover this duo.

10 Out Of 10 (feat. Kylie Minogue)

Oliver Heldens, Kylie Minogue

Continuum music lovers and long time Kylie fans rejoice; we have less than a month before we get an entire new record. Biting my hands waiting for TENSION, which is out on September 22nd. Love the timeless-yet-90’s feel of this soon to be classic.

Get On Up And Do It Again

Suzy Q

No clue the story of this band (I believe they’re Canadian?) but this one’s been on my “get it going” playlist for a while

Lovelife

Phoenix

Always been a fan of Phoenix, especially when they get back to their synth roots. I don’t think this album (Ti Amo) had a major hit off it, certainly nothing like 2009’s ‘Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix,’ which is unfortunate as there are some fantastic sounds on here.

I’ve Got Your Image

Cameo

This was sampled by Queen Latifah’s 2003 ‘Better Than The Rest.’ The titular line made me think of Seven’s eidetic memory, and it was time for a slow jam.

She Blinded Me With Science

Thomas Dolby

No relation to Dolby sound systems, but there may as well be with this 1982 classic that remains unlike anything else. Check out the video if you’re not familiar.

Data

Shook

I’m not terribly familiar with this artist, who’s based in the Netherlands, but the way he handles a synth works for me.

The Robots - 2009 Remaster

Kraftwerk

Again, I will point out that this album was released in 1978. The live version of this song also hits hard, if you’re so inclined to check out any of Kraftwerk’s live work.

You Are In My System

The System

Smooth techno robot funk, just the way I like it. No recollection of how I came across this hit other than the algorithm recognizing my exquisite taste.

Phantom

Justice

If Daft Punk is the robot rock dressed up on the dance floor, Justice is what you get at 3am after everyone is either wasted or high out of their mind, finding a way (any way!) to keep the party going. Never before or since have I encountered a record that scratched this particular sonic itch for dirtied up, fuzzed out synths continuing to deliver danceable, on the beat hits. If Daft Punk’s “Discovery” plugged us in, 2007’s “Justice” stripped our wires and started sparking them together. Ugh. I could go on about how much I love this record for a very long time.

Work Out Tonight

Ultraflex

I don’t have much to say about this Norwegian/Icelandic duo, other than keep party rocking, y’all.

Gettin’ To The Good Part

Herbie Hancock

What do you say about a legend whose work spans multiple genres, executed flawlessly? Not much, but 1980’s Herbie Hancock showcases his ability to seamlessly fit in with any and all new trends. You know more of his work than you think you do through samples and film, but you can always get to know him better.

Start Computer

Shook

It’s not very often that I hear a song that takes me back to the ebullient joy I felt in 2001 upon hearing Daft Punk’s ‘Discovery’ in full for the first time, but this song touches the vocoder-loving places within me.

Luminescent

Poppy Baskcomb

Baskcomb hails from the UK and I look forward to digging more into her work. Always a fan when a pop song chooses to anchor itself around an uncommon word.

Night Cruiser

Deodato

There seem to be a few different Deodatos but I’m assuming this is the Brazilian musical artist, as I hear those influences present here. Unsurprisingly, a great tune to jam around in your car at night, pretending you’re in a cyberpunk movie.

Master Rocker

Bernard Wright

This album is an instant classic, funky in all the right ways, with a touch of technological that anchors it firmly in time and place.

Sometimes

Les Rythmes Digitales

Don’t have much information about this 1999 album, but I would believe if you told me it was either from much earlier or much later. Always been a fan of music that is both faithful enough and innovative enough to be placed in any time period.

One More Time / Aerodynamic (live)

Daft Punk

My robot boys. If they ever return from retirement, bet that I will be spending my life savings and then some to see Daft Punk live. I have been a Daft Punk fan since 2001, and I am so grateful to exist at the same time as this duo. Listening to Discovery when it came out is an experience in time that I will never forget. I had tried to listen to this album when it came out, but I wasn’t yet advanced enough in my music appreciation to enjoy them live. The first time I heard the transition between songs, every hair on my body stood on end. I want few things more than a Daft Punk reunion tour, but this and bootlegs will have to suffice for now.

Messages From The Stars - Sped Up

The Rah Band

First encountered this song in a twitter exchange about DaForge; it’s not often that a song sounds just as good sped up as it does in the original speed.

Nobody But You

The Apples In Stereo

The first time I heard this song, I was working at Nordstrom, where you could call the operator (even as an employee) and ask for them to tell you the song. The swooping ‘you’s’ at the end are what spurred me into action. I wrote down the name of this song on a pastry bag, and this album has not left me since. It is a warm hug from outer space.

Translight

Breakbot

Eagerly awaiting a new album from Breakbot like any day now. The instrumentals remain undefeated.

Chaos - Laura van Dam Remix

Andrew Bayer, Run Rivers, Laura van Dam

I’m not terribly familiar with anyone here, but this song is a great way to draw me in to a lovely, sonically spacious and danceable remix.

Spotlight

Kylie Minogue

Heartbroken that there isn’t an extended mix of this yet (the DISCO extended mixes are still worth checking out), as it remains one of my favorite tracks from 2020’s incredible DISCO. Only the queen of pop could record an album like this in quarantine. Legends only!!!!

You Put A Charge In My Life

Brainstorm

Whoever makes me a fan vid of Geordi and Data being ‘very close friends’ to this is gonna eventually get a giant hug and possibly (okay, definitely) dinner. No clue what’s happening on the cover, but who doesn’t want to love an alien? Please be for real.

One Hot Love - 2018 Remaster

Makoto Matsushita

I knew nothing of Japanese City Pop until my Spotify started feeding it to me, and I’ve become obsessed with these oh-so-smooth tracks that remain danceable and sharp. A true mood, a vibe, a way to turn around any bad day.

Messages From The Stars

The Rah Band

And to close out the mix, enjoy the song in all its 1980s synthed out, original speed glory, still grooving and moving, a hit in either tempo.

That’s the mix, enjoy! Keep robot rocking and technological trancing🤖

[sonofanactuallyveryniceperson]

then please give us the essay on from now on we are enemies

I spent too much time thinking about this song, so please forgive me for the essay! This absolute monster is also dedicated to @thenimyourprince

As always, this is only my personal interpretation of the lyrics; while you’re all free to hunt me for sport, I would prefer it if you didn’t. I am, after all, just shouting into the void. Bless xxx

Okay, here we go:

Pete is well-known for being a self-described film aficionado, and a bit of a pop-culture fanatic. His lyrics are full of dual-meanings, innuendo, obscure movie references and subtle nods to contemporary literature. These references are often either incredibly vague and scattered, or they serve as the basis or through-line for entire songs. Now, I’m only going to speak briefly about the film that I believe Pete may have referenced for this piece — I’m not super familiar with it, but I know enough to draw some parallels.

The 1984 film Amadeus is a fictionalised retelling of the life of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (yeah, that guy). The film follows the fictional rivalry between Mozart and an Italian composer, Antonio Salieri, who was jealous of Mozart’s musical genius. If I’m not incorrect, the title of the song comes from a monologue that Salieri directs to God — expressing his anger that the ‘heavenly father’ chose Mozart as His imperfect vessel through which to bless humankind with incredible music.

The lines go something like:

“From now on we are enemies, You and I. Because You chose for Your instrument a boastful, lustful, smutty, infantile boy — and give me, for reward, only the ability to recognise the incarnation.”

Now, we’ll come back this quote.

If you were going to argue that this film is the sole inspiration for the fob song, you’d be able to make a pretty solid case. The song makes direct reference to musicians who create their own works (composers). It provides film-appropriate allusions to Mozart’s struggles with alcohol addiction (“I just want to be better than your head's only medicine / A downward spiral just a pirouette / Getting worse til there's nothing left”). The song even alludes to Salieri’s jealousy: “I only want what I can’t have”. There’s more if you care to look; like I’ve said, there’s a solid case for this solo reading. BUT I believe that nothing is ever that simple — especially when it comes to Pete Wentz.

(Also, you’re in my world now. Just hold on tight, and come along for the ride.)

It’s pretty impossible to ignore that this song was released as a bonus track on Believers Never Die, the greatest hits record released just prior to the commencement of the hiatus. At this point, tensions were high and disagreements were vicious and common, especially between Pete and Patrick. @infintyonhigh has a great post unpacking how a lot of Folie reads like Patrick and Pete just picking at each other through the music — over and over again. I would not be surprised if the song’s title was intended to be, at least, somewhat literal. With that context in mind, let’s continue.

To me, this song reads like Pete mourning the seemingly-inevitable loss of his band — and getting in a couple of final, cheap shots while he’s at it. Pete has often spoken about how low he was at beginning of the hiatus, how the loss of the band amplified his own depression and marriage issues. The same lyrics that could allude to Mozart’s substance abuse and mental struggles could also reference Pete’s own similar battles, as well as the simultaneous, slow implosion of the band. The line “What good comes of something when I’m just the ghost of nothing?” sounds a lot like the words of a man who feels as though he’s been left behind by everything in his life (band, marriage, etc.) — like he’s just an afterimage. This theme is continued in the chorus: “I'm just the man on the balcony singing: / ‘Nobody will ever remember me’”. If a band dies, who is left to sing their songs? If Joe won’t play the riffs, Andy isn’t on the drums, and Patrick won’t sing Pete’s words… does Pete really exist at all?

“Rejoice, rejoice and fall to your knees” brings to mind the way that Joe and Patrick fought for the need to take a break, how they pushed for the hiatus — and eventually got what they wanted, while Pete felt as though his world was collapsing.

Speaking of Patrick…

Remember that quote from earlier?

I would not be surprised if Pete cast himself as the famed Mozart — an eccentric, gifted yet difficult artist with a god complex (“Lunatic of a god / Or a god of a lunatic?”) — and Patrick as the begrudging peer who has grown frustrated that Mozart’s (Pete’s) presence is necessary to produce wondrous music for the masses. Salieri’s description of Mozart as a “boastful, lustful, smutty, infantile boy” definitely seems like something that Pete would think of himself; however, it also doesn’t seem too far away from some of Patrick’s more aggressive insults. (I have a vague memory of Patrick calling Pete an “erratic narcissist” or something similar, but don’t quote me on that). These lines seem to be about the slow breakdown of the band and their relationship. It’s about being forced to keep pumping out tracks together, all the while growing more and more frustrated with their musical counterparts: “Oh, their faces are dancing / They're dancing til / Til they can't stand it”.

Now here’s the kicker: “A composer but never composed”. Patrick is Fall Out Boy’s musical heart. He’s the songwriter. The sound starts with him. Patrick is a composer. He’s also Pete’s favourite pretentious asshole. Patrick has never been calm or collected about music, especially when Pete is involved. He’s slapped cameras out of hands during recording sessions. He’s thrown punches over chord progressions. He’s admitted to being a control freak in the studio — a composer who is never composed, one who is known for “singing the symphonies of the overdosed”.

Oh, Pete.

Pete has had his struggles with substance abuse in the past, and is, thankfully, in a much better place now. I won’t go into too much detail on his overdose scares — I don’t think it’s my place. But these lines hurt. Patrick as the composer without calm, and Pete as the lyrical genius who is just barely hanging on. The madness of two. What a match, huh? It makes the following line even more insane to me: “A composer but never composed / Singing: ‘I only want what I can't have’”. Patrick is the composer singing Pete’s words. Pete only wants what he can’t have — for the band to stay together, for his best friend to stop resenting him, for everything to work itself out. Fuck, man. This song.

I’m thankful these dudes found their way back to each other, and I’m glad we’re all still kicking. I could go on forever about this song, but I might as well cut myself off here. I hope it gave you something to think about.

[fielran]

A (not so) Brief Guide to Titles and Prefixes on Downton Abbey

Married vs Unmarried Women

All downstairs characters should be either Miss or Mrs. The prefix Ms. did not come into common use until the late 1960s and so is anachronistic -- it is not a shortened version of Miss, but rather a marital-status neutral alternative to the other prefixes in use.

"Miss" denotes an unmarried character, regardless of age.

"Mrs" or "Misses" denotes a married or widowed character, or rarely, an upper female servant. Remember the exchange from S1--

Joe Burns: I notice you call yourself Misses.

Mrs Hughes: Housekeepers and cooks are always Misses. You know better than anyone I haven't changed my name.

Joe Burns: Well, I know you wouldn't change it to Burns when you had the chance.

Miss or Mrs are also used for any middle or upper class characters who do not have titles, including courtesy titles.

Use of Prefixes for Servants

The lower servants, including maids and footmen, are referred to by first name only, both by upstairs and downstairs characters.

Lady's maids, valets, and male upper servants are referred to by prefix and last name by downstairs characters, but by only last name by upstairs characters. For example, Mrs. Hughes says "Miss O'Brien" but Cora and Robert say only "O'Brien". Female upper servants get the prefix from everyone, even Lord Grantham:

Mrs Patmore: I promise you, milord, if I could just be allowed a bit more time--

Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mrs Patmore, I've not asked you here to give you your notice.

For example, Thomas Barrow starts as a footman, and everyone calls him Thomas. During the war, he is Corporal or Sergeant Barrow, then he is called Thomas again after, as a footman. When he becomes Robert's valet, he is Mr Barrow downstairs, or Barrow upstairs, and remains that way throughout his remaining promotions. He is also called Mr Barrow by the children. It may be this is a peculiarity, or the children may be expected to refer to unrelated adults using their title.

Anna is a bit of a strange case - she properly ought to be Mrs. Bates downstairs and Bates upstairs after she becomes a lady's maid, but perhaps to avoid confusion with her husband who is also Bates upstairs, the change never happens.

Phyllis Baxter is Baxter upstairs, Miss Baxter downstairs. If Mrs Hughes retires and Phyllis takes her place, she would be Mrs. Baxter. If she actually gets around to marrying Molesley at some point, with no promotion, she would be Mrs Molesley downstairs, Molesley upstairs.

Tom Branson as chauffeur is called Branson by both upstairs and downstairs characters - at least those who are not in a relationship with him. After his marriage to Lady Sybil, he is called Mr Branson by those outside the family.

Daisy is called by only her first name as a scullery and kitchen maid. There are no other undercooks to compare, so I am unsure whether she ought to be Mrs Mason. If Mrs Patmore retires and she becomes the cook, she should become Mrs Mason (or Mrs Parker, if she actually gets around to marrying Andy by then).

Titles for Nobility

There are 2 main types of titles used by the 'nobility': Substantive titles, and courtesy titles.

Substantive titles are for those who hold titles in their own right. This includes hereditary peers, like Lord Grantham, as well as life peers. The title holders have seats in the House of Lords.

Courtesy titles are for those connected to title holders - wives and widows, children, and other male-line heirs. Wives and widows hold legal, though not substantive, titles. Children of title holders are considered socially as nobility; however, legally speaking they are commoners and can be elected to the house of commons.

Lord Grantham is the only member of the Crawley family with a substantive title during the time of the series. All the others use courtesy titles. As the wife and widow of title holders, Cora and Violet are Lady [title], in this case Lady Grantham.

Legitimate daughters of a hereditary Marquess, Duke, or Earl or his direct male-line heirs are Lady [first name]: Lady Sybil, etc. They retain this styling if they marry someone without a title. In Pride and Prejudice, Darcy's aunt Lady Catherine, daughter of an Earl, had been married to Sir Lewis de Bourgh, who held only a knighthood and no title, so she remained Lady Catherine. Violet Crawley married Robert's father, the Earl of Grantham, and so her married title of Lady Grantham took precedence over any title she used previously, even if her father had higher precedence.

This courtesy title does not carry on to their children. Sybbie Branson cannot claim her mother's courtesy title, and her father Tom Branson has no title of his own, so she will be Miss, not Lady. Under formal etiquette, she and any future siblings would be styled like the Bennets - Miss Branson for an adult Sybil, as the eldest unmarried daughter, Miss [first name] for any additional unmarried daughters. However, they would not necessarily follow such protocol unless they are active socially in the upper class - if Mr Branson marries Lucy and she inherits, for example. The middle and lower class, especially more radical members thereof, did not hold closely to this tradition by the time Sybbie would be an adult.

The eldest son and heir of the hereditary holder of a title in the top 3 ranks - duke, marquess, or earl - can use one of the title holder's subsidiary titles as a courtesy title. We don't know if Grantham has a subsidiary title, because nobody alive during the show is entitled to use it. If there is one, Robert would have used it prior to his father's death; however, James was not Robert's son and therefore could not use the title, nor could Patrick or Matthew. George, although he is Robert's grandson and heir, cannot use the title because he is inheriting through Matthew rather than Robert.

The younger sons of Dukes and Marquesses are given the courtesy title Lord [first name]. The younger sons of Earls without subsidiary titles, as well as all sons of other nobles, are styled The Honourable [first name] [last name], as: "The Honourable Evelyn Napier, son and heir to Viscount Branksome." Tim Grey is also "The Honourable", although he will not inherit if Larry has any legitimate sons.

Adopted children were not entitled to a courtesy title at the time Downton Abbey takes place, so there will be no title for Marigold even if Bertie adopts her or Edith acknowledges her.

Young Children

Young children of higher standing than the speaker should be referred to as Master or Miss, regardless of actual titles. So in Downton's nursery we have Master George, Miss Sybbie, Miss Caroline, and Johnny.

So What Does That All Mean for Whoever I'm Writing About?

Robert would have been Master Robert as a child, Viscount Something - the wiki says Viscount Downton - as a young man, prior to his father's death, and of course is Lord Grantham in the time of the show. Had he had a son while his father was still living, that son may have used another subsidiary title, if one exists, or have been styled "The Honourable". Any brothers Robert had would also be styled "The Honourable".

Cora would have been Miss Levinson prior to her marriage, Viscountess Something after, then finally Duchess of Grantham. She may one day become the Dowager Duchess of Grantham.

Mary would remain Lady Mary after both marriages, as neither Matthew or Henry has a title. However, had Matthew lived to become Earl of Grantham, she would have become Countess of Grantham at that time. Carson may have called her Miss Mary as a child.

Sybil Crawley would remain Lady Sybil, though she would use Branson's last name.

Edith would change from Lady Edith to the Marchioness of Hexam on her marriage. Her illegitimate daughter Marigold would have no title, even if adopted by Lord Hexam. Her firstborn son would use a subsidiary title, and younger sons would be called Lord [first name]. The firstborn son of her firstborn son would also likely have a subsidiary title. Additional daughters would be Lady [first name].

Bertie went from an untitled Mr Pelham to the Marquess of Hexam. His mother did not gain a title and is called Mrs Pelham.

Sybbie Branson is Miss Sybbie now, and will be Miss Branson. She will not have a title unless she marries into one.

George Crawley is Master George now, and will be Mr Crawley until he inherits the title Earl of Grantham. He is not Viscount Downton.

Marigold is Miss Marigold, and will be Miss whatever-last-name-they-decide-to-use. I don't know what that is, and there isn't one listed on the wiki. Miss Pelham if Bertie adopts her.

Caroline is Miss Caroline, and will be Miss Talbot.

Evelyn Napier is The Horourable Evelyn Napier. He is addressed directly as Mr Napier. After his father's death, he will be Viscount Branksome.

Anthony Foyle is Viscount Gillingham. Prior to his father's death, he was an Honourable.

Larry and Amelia Grey are styled The Honorable Mr and Mrs Larry Grey. They will be Baron and Baroness Merton on his father's death.

Let me know if there are any other characters you aren’t sure of, and I’ll try to add them.

[rosedavid]

Hey just wondering, what do you think of Alexis and Ted’s breakup realistically? More in the sense that how they broke up and also whether leaving someone for career reasons etc? I feel like it’s not a black and white answer and even though when thinking about it, I could say for me it’s realistic cause people may break up because of career reasons or they may follow other people, but what is your opinion? Also even though I wished they were going to be together I did like how Dan handled it, it was sad but I’m glad about the time they had together (especially s5).

So I wrote a whole essay about this and then tumblr glitched out and I lost ALL of it ugh. But I’ll try to rewrite it.

To start out, I’m going to say this: As much as I loved Alexis and Ted together, I think that the two of them breaking up was the direction the show needed to go in. 

Character growth and development is such a huge part of Schitt’s Creek. In fact, I’d argue that one of the main things that makes Schitt’s Creek so successful in everything that it does is the character growth throughout the seasons. Of course, as we look at the different characters and relationships, we seem them all growing and changing in different ways. 

For example, let’s take David and Patrick because their relationship arc turned out so differently than Alexis and Ted since they got married in the end. But the thing about David and Patrick ending up where they did (which I also think was the right decision) is that where they inevitably ended up has to do with their beginnings. With Patrick, we see him moving to a completely new place, leaving is fiance whom he has been dating since high school, the person he’s been expected to be with and eventually marry his whole life, and the person who he does love but learns he loves in a different way than he thought. Then, he meets David, who helps Patrick embrace his identity as a gay man, who Patrick comes to love more than he thought possible. Next, we have David. As we know, David has been burned by many people in past relationships, and he doesn’t really believe in love and trust. With Stevie, we see maybe David wants to have that connection but he doesn’t really know how (and obviously Stevie isn’t the right person). Then, after David meets Patrick and they start to date, we start to see David open himself up more and more, learning about non-sexual intimacy and love for a partner. 

Really, from the start, David and Patrick’s character/relationship growth is focused on love and trust and relationships in general. Now this isn’t to say that they don’t also have important growth in other ways, such as owning Rose Apothecary, but really since the introduction of both of these characters, love and trust have been at the forefront of their growth. 

Now let’s get back to Alexis and Ted. Despite being another much loved relationship in the show, their paths are much different than David and Patrick, since obviously they don’t end up married. But the focus of the character’s growth is also much different. 

With Alexis, we see the primary focus throughout the show on Alexis’s own successes. At first, Alexis seems more of an adventurous, carefree spirit who isn’t serious and doesn’t care about work or education or anything. However, we see this start to change, starting with graduating high school, working at the vet clinic, going to college, organizing events, and eventually becoming an epic business-woman/girl-boss. Again, this isn’t to say that her growth in the other realms, such as her relationship with Ted, isn’t crucial to her development, but I don’t think it was ever the focus. Ted, on the other hand, isn’t a main character, but we can still see that, in addition to his love for Alexis, he has a passion for animals and his work. Going to the Galapagos was one of his dreams. Again, we see a focus on career early on in Ted’s own character arc and growth. 

Here’s the pivotal questions that need to be asked: What events made the characters in Schitt’s Creek grow from the people they were before, and how does that impact their future?

For Alexis especially, the answer to that question is her own success in school and her career. For me personally, all of the most important Alexis growth moments were career related; her graduation, her deciding to get a college degree, her deciding to leave the vet clinic, her organizing singles week into a huge success, her getting attention from interflix for publicity, etc. 

In comparison, the events that made David and Patrick grow are much more focused on relationships and the two of them. Opening the business (together), their first kiss, their big fight/getting back together, first “I love you” (and subsequent I love yous to other people in their lives), the proposal, the casual intimacy of learning to be vulnerable with each other and others, etc. 

So to have Alexis go through all of that character growth related to her career, to see her being proud and successful and capable, only to give it up for Ted or vice versa, I feel like that would have halted their growth immediately. 

Alexis has found her passion, something she’s happy to be doing and something she feels good enough to be doing. Similarly, Ted has always loved animals, and the Galapagos has been a dream of his. If we saw one or both of them give that up for each other, even temporarily, it may have seem to shown how much love they have for each other on the surface; however, when you look at how far these characters have come, and where they’re going in the future, it doesn’t make sense in the least bit. Sure, it would have been sweet and romantic, but it wouldn’t be the correct choice in terms of character growth. In fact, I’d even argue that them breaking up shows they have more love for each other than if they would have stayed together, as they love each other enough to know that the other needs to pursue their passion, and they don’t want to stand in the way of that. 

So yes, I think having them break up was the correct choice, and such a huge moment of growth in their lives. 

However, I do want to end this all with saying that I think the way they broke up potentially sets up the possibility of them getting back together in the future. Kind of the thing where they follow their own paths, but their paths eventually lead back to each other sort of thing. 

Anyway, sorry this was so long! But I think this was a really important moment that needs to be explored/discussed more. 

[jerakeenc]

June-Sept Re-recs (12)

This is the best of the best of the best of what I've reread in the last couple of months. I end up downgrading a lot of the fics I reread because even my tastes change over the years. These are the ones that stay awesome, even after many rereads.

(For comparison, I put a little sparkle ✨ image next to the most perfectest (yup!) fics in my regular rec posts. The fics in this post are all sparkle.)

I included my first-read date. The calendar says 2011 was ten years ago but I have my doubts.

Now We've Learned To Kiss The Sky by torakowalski

MCU | Clint/Coulson | Explicit | 13,800 words

“I’m going to ask you something,” Phil says and then pauses and doesn’t ask Clint anything at all. “Yeah?” Clint asks, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. “Is it kinky?” It isn’t, obviously; Phil never has a problem suggesting anything when it comes to sex. Phil shakes his head. He looks up, catching and holding Clint’s eyes. Clint doesn’t make any more smartass comments. “Marry me?” Phil asks.

First read in 2012. It's still so lovely.

Disclosures by gqgqqt

MCU | Clint/Coulson | Teen | 67,900 words

Phil Coulson is miserable, distrusted by most of SHIELD, and still doesn't remember why. It's only going to get worse before it gets better.

(2012) I didn't think I was going to like this, this time around. But nope. Still perfect.

Quriosity by dr_girlfriend

James Bond | Bond/Q | Explicit | 79,900 words

Bond finds himself increasingly curious about his enigmatic Quartermaster.

(2014) Very very good and pretty much the prototype of what I want out of the bond/q fandom.

Out of the Dead Land (orphaned on ao3)

MCU | Bucky/Steve | Mature | 62,700 words

Someone is building machines that look and act like people. Meanwhile, the Winter Soldier tries to be Bucky Barnes.

(2014) Brilliant H/C

All the Rules to Break by foxxcub

Inception | Arthur/Eames | Explicit | 27,700 words

A notorious serial killer returns after a three-year hiatus, reminding Detective Arthur Moss of the infamous case he couldn't close. But when the FBI becomes involved, Arthur is forced to work side-by-side once again with Special Agent Daniel Eames, a man who knows Arthur better than Arthur himself will ever admit. Both men must confront their past and heal old wounds in order to bring a psychopath to justice.

(2011) I love this AU. Always have, always will.

I've Got Nothing To Do Today But Smile (The Only Living Boy in New York) by gyzym

Inception | Arthur/Eames | Teen | 19,860 words

Arthur's a corporate lawyer, Eames owns the coffee shop across the street, and all good love stories start with a quadruple shot latte.

(2011) Another AU I will love forever. Still amazing.

Scattered Pieces of My Mind (orphaned on ao3)

Hockey RPF | Kane/Toews | Teen | 22,580 words

After one scandal too many, Patrick Kane gets traded. Eventually it stops being the worst thing that's ever happened to him.

(2014) And this here is the prototype for my favorite H/C scenario. I feel like this rec list may be giving a bit too much away on my state of mind these days.

we were even after all, even in enmity (orphaned on ao3)

Hockey RPF | Kane/Toews | Mature | 60,000 words

“Jonathan,” Q says solemly. Something in his tone gives Jonny pause. He sits up straighter, waiting for the end of the sentence. “I regret to inform you that you’ve been traded to the St. Louis Blues. It’s been an honor and a pleasure working with you the past few years, and you will be sorely missed. Please clean out your locker before you leave today.” “That’s what Kaner said in your meeting?” Jonny asks, feeling numb. “That’s why it took so long? He was convincing you to trade me?”

(2014) Yup, you guessed it. H/C, angst, whump. Perfection.

Shelter by harriet_vane

Social Network RPF | Jesse/Andrew | Teen | 63,500 words

From the kinkmeme prompt: Some sort of AU vaguely based on Shelter! For whatever reason, Jesse has to take care of Hallie and give up his dream of being an actor. He ends up working in a dead end job when former, now successful friend (Andrew) returns home. They fall in love, etc, only Jesse can't go away with him because he has a responsibility to his family. CUE ANGST.

(2011) I remembered the bare bones of this story and thought I probably wouldn't enjoy it as much now... but it turned out to be excellent. Really cute AU.

here comes the sun by oflights

Social Network | Mark/Eduardo | Explicit | 56,600 words

This is a story about growing up, sad 70's rock songs, too much hair gel, "Maxwell's Silver Hammer", a baby with curly hair, a Geiger counter, a dog that isn't named Max, the Chicken Dance, Cheerios, pepper-spray, drugs, sex, and a stuffed chicken named Cluckerberg, nicknamed Cluck. or: Mark raises Sean's accidental baby, and I write the fluffiest thing ever.

(2011) And then there's this one... I mean, who'd want to read about Mark Zuckerberg in 2021, right? I do apparently. This story still gets five huge stars from me, implausible setup and all. It's endearing, romantic, super cute.

All The Stars And Bleeding Hearts by torakowalski

Social Network RPF | Jesse/Andrew | Explicit | 40,470 words

Notting Hill AU. In which Jesse runs a bookstore, Andrew is a famous film star and they’re both faily dorks in love.

(2011) Beautifully done!

and how many years I've missed you by estrella30

One Direction RPF | Harry/Nick | Explicit | 17,900 words

“So my god, Nick,” Harry folds himself down into a chair, his long legs splaying out under the table. His foot knocks into Nick’s and Nick kicks him back reflexively, his body remembering how to act around Harry even after all this time. “This is bloody crazy,” Harry shakes his head. “It’s been ages, yeah? It’s got to be like, what, five years or something?” Seven, Nick thinks to himself. You were just nineteen and I was twenty eight and it was seven years ago, not five. or, the one where Harry and Nick haven't seen each other or been in touch in seven years and then they meet up and things happen

(2014) More angst. Frickin' beautiful.

[vousmontournesol]

Re Nolan Patrick: Robin Lehner didn't address him by name though there was a tweet which stated sources revealed that he was medicated on highly addictive sedative drugs by nonmedical staff. I wonder also if Robin was also addressing Carter Hart (he said he didn't really know Nolan that well), who floundered last season and was very anxious about his performance. Robin was very vocal about AV throwing the young goalie under the bus. Regardless, this seems to be a systemic issue according to Robin and interestingly enough, Dale Weise, a former teammate of Nolan's voiced his support for Robin. Chuck Fletcher's statement was essentially a non-answer, basically summarized as "Yeah, I don't think we do that around here". I think for Nolan, if he truly was treated inappropriately for his migraines or TBI, he may feel that he cannot blow the whistle at this time. If he confirms or denies this claim, the flames may be stoked even more, so he may choose to wait it out. The vitriol towards him on twitter is brutal - he's not only a bust, but he's "ungrateful" and a "crybaby" and worse insults that are misogynistic and homophobic. The discourse around him has always been exceedingly negative, albeit if not more now. He may just want his fresh start in Vegas and to put it all behind him. Perhaps, he worries he will be blackballed for speaking out, and there goes his dream of playing in the NHL which he worked so hard for. This is a young man who was once almost the #1 pick for his year. I think the NHL will try to suppress this - ie the opiate dependency among players, rampant harrassment as in the recent Blackhawks case. It's in their best interest to let this die - everyone has to move on at some point, right? As you can see, there are already people on twitter dismissing Robin as a raving lunatic. But Robin is right and this is not an outlandish scenario. Scheduled drugs are diverted all the time despite good checks in place. They could have been prescribed for someone else and given to players. What really terrifies me about Nolan's case allegedly is 1) he didn't know what he was taking which took away his free will and 2) if he was being dosed inappropriately for a long period of time since this was allegedly done with out doctor supervision. They could have OD'd him! I really worry about these players and how they break their bodies and minds for this sport that they love, but in a league that considers them chattel and where money always rules the day. Sorry for the essay.

Don’t apologize dude, this is a good take, and exactly what I was thinking too. Thank you for this.

The bullying that Nolan’s received since he arrived in Philly has always put me off. Of course I think he’s adorable and I do love his chipped tooth, but at the end of the day, I value him as a player and a as a human and as a contributor to a sport I love to watch. So reading all of this shut over the last 24 hours is nauseating.

I think RL’s tweets were a little hard to read through just because I know English is not his first language, but I think you’re right. He may have been alluding to another player he knew about, possibly carter (although I don’t know if they know each other either). Regardless, now RL is being cast as some idiot who has lost his mind because of his mental illness, which is just wrong. To see people tweet at him using his mental illness like that against him makes me sick. These toxic fans are fine with things like this happening.

Tbh, I don’t think Nolan owes anyone anything. It’s allegations at this point, and the sources are a little sketch, but I swear to god if I ever find out to be true, I will come unhinged. Something awful could have happened to him if he was on these drugs. You’re right: he could have OD’d, he could have long term problems, etc. It’s hard to think about that. Especially when the league is already so content to not deal with shit that’s already happening (Eichel and the Blackhawks bullshit).

It’s sad. Really is. Whatever happens, I hope Nolan is okay, and I hope he does what’s best for him. And I’ll be interested to see how this shakes out and whether or not we hear anymore from anyone.

Thanks for writing in!

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Chimerical

Chimerical’s stories aren’t at Gossamer, but you can now find them at AO3. If you have not read them, are you in for a treat! For instance, Regular People and Regular People Still are some of the X-Files fics I have read and re-read. You may also know Chimerical from her site Chimerical Publications, which was an extensive Mulder and David Duchovny fansite. Big thanks to Chimerical for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I’m not surprised at all that X-Files fandom is still popular, it was an amazing, creative show with iconic characters. Aside from just being entertaining, like all good Sci-Fi it asked deep, profound questions about the nature of relationships and humanity. It’s these things that people remember more than the MOWs.

However, I’m surprised to hear that my stories are still read, mostly because there is always something new, someone has a new take, and of course, we have the more recent episodes which provides all new fodder for writers, which is wonderful. But it’s super nice to hear that stories from the classic show still mean something. Also, I wasn’t a prolific writer, there are only 12 stories, but perhaps they struck a chord and people like to revisit them the way you like to re-watch a favorite episode or movie.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

Fanfic is certainly not new, but The X-Files was absolutely at the right place, at the right time. The internet was just really taking off, and it enabled fans to connect instantly in ways that hadn’t before. I remember that Fox used to send out Cease & Desist letters in an ill-considered attempt to stem fanfic because the Suits just didn’t understand what it was. Nowadays, of course, they embrace much of it, encourage it, even. Supernatural wrote whole episodes about it. But in the early days they were really stupid about it.

But what I took away from it was that great community can exist with people you have never met in person. There is a great sharing of ideas and love of great characters.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

It’s true, no Facebook, twitter, tiktok – it seems strange!

But I connected to fandom though the old Usenet message boards, you couldn’t wait until the episode was over until you could leap on and start discussing the episode. And it was painful if you were on the west coast as I was because you would get spoiled. In truth, it wasn’t must different than Twitter, just without the character limitation. But it was rather the wild, wild, west, no moderators and no terms of service. It could be a free-for-all, and some of the disagreements were legendary! For writing, certainly ATXC was the big dog for fic, and of course alt.tv.x-files for discussion. There were many different Yahoo Groups and AOL mailing lists, that catered to interests in fanfic (Friendship/Adult/Slash) or to the characters and/or actors.

But frankly, the main thing I remember was what a complete PITA it was to just get anything posted. There were all these size limitations and ASCII issues that don’t exist today, you had font and formatting limitations, which cause people to get weirdly creative with italics, bolding, quotes and so on. And you had to break your story up in weird way simply to jam it into the email because there were size limitations. And it never failed that no matter how many Beta Reads you had, you didn’t see that last damn typo until AFTER you hit the send button. There was no edit button, all you could do resend the whole damn thing. It was the fanfic version of the 20 mile walk to school through the snow……Kids today have it so easy!  LOL….

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Actors are, and always will be, the face of the show. David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are amazing actors, and the nuance they brought each week was a wonder.

But one of the things that the X-Files also did was make people aware of the people behind the scenes, the showrunners, the writers, the directors. This was also something new. For most TV dramas, most people couldn’t tell you who wrote an episode if you had a gun to their head.

But people knew the writers like Vince Gilligan, James Wong, Darin Morgan, and of course Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz. And they knew the directors, Rob, Chris and the late great, Kim Manners.. It was like a repertory company. You could count on Morgan & Wong for the creepy, you could count of Vince Gilligan for the humor and relationship stuff, you could count on Darin Morgan for the “what the hell was that, but I loved it.”

So I guess what I took away was a deep appreciation for the craft, for the work. This carried over to other fandoms. I’m more aware of the creative team beyond the actors.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

Believe it not, I didn’t watch at the beginning. I’ve always been a Sci-Fi fan but for some reason this wasn’t on my radar. I came in about the middle of Season 1. I was channel surfing and stopped the X-Files, it was the episode “Ice.”  I won’t lie, I stopped because I saw David Duchovny in a henley and I’m never one to pass by an attractive man. But as I watched, I became intrigued by these two characters, and their conflicted relationship with each other, even though I didn’t really know what was really going on. But I had to know more. That’s good writing, where you can walk in half-way through an episode and be captured.

I immediately checked out the old AOL Service forums and found a group. Of course, back then, there was no streaming, there was no BitTorrent. So, you just had to wait until when and if the network decided to show a repeat, which meant you were screwed if you were trying to catch up. But someone on one of the boards offered to send me VHS tapes of the episodes of missed. That’s fandom as its best - I’m excited about this and I want to share it with you. So in about a week I was caught up and hooked. I had to see how these two people’s story turned out.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I’ve always written as a hobby, taken many writing classes, have always written short stories, worked on a novel or two. I’ve got friends who are writers by profession. But the closest I ever came to doing it professionally was co-writing a play that ran for a month off Broadway many years ago, so I’m a dabbler, at best. I’m a big reader, and good stories always make me think, “well, what if this happened….”

So, X-Files wasn’t my first fanfic rodeo. I had been involved in Quantum Leap fandom and Beauty and the Beast, some Star Trek. Once I good hooked on the show, I immediately began searching out fanfic. But it took me a long time before I wrote anything. I’m not sure why, perhaps I was waiting to see where the story went. But X-Files was different in that it blended one of my favorite genres with a truly compelling relationship story. And I don’t just mean romance, it was a melding of two entirely different ways of looking at the world that was captivating. Scully was so strong and Mulder so complex, how could you not love them.

So, I enjoy writing, I learn from it. I learn from the feedback, both good and bad. I’ve never understood fanfic writers who say “just sent me nice feedback.”  No one loves criticism, and not all criticism is valid. But you learn from it. I’ve had people tell me they hadn’t looked at an episode from that point of view and they like it - and I’ve had people tell me that I didn’t know what I was doing, everyone knew that Scully would never cuss (to which I say, please, she grew up on military bases!)  But it helps you improve.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

It was a period of my life I cherish because I met some friends who are still my friends to this day, all these years later because we found other things in common besides a show. It was great to share ideas and debate storylines. And it was a fun, creative, and exciting time. Each episode was must-see and then talking to my friends about it later was the best part.

I started to drift away when David Duchovny left the show. I thought then, and still think, they should have called it a day because the beating heart of that show was Mulder and Scully together. You can’t rip out half the heart and expect the patient to live. On an intellectual level, I got why Duchovny left, I got why Anderson stayed and I got that Fox was a fledging network back then and XF was a cash cow. But on an emotional level, it all turned upside down, especially when the much-promised “search for Mulder” never really happened.

Fans got angry. They were angry at David for leaving, they were angry at Gillian for staying, and they were angry at poor Robert Patrick, perfectly decent person, for merely existing. It got ugly and I got up caught up in that. Frankly, I was as much to blame as anyone in carrying on stupid arguments about crap that didn’t matter. And one day I just realized I’d let all the joy be sucked away, and this just wasn’t who I wanted to be, or how I wanted to spend my time. So, I took a break, I still watched the show as it limped on, but I disconnected from the fandom part of it. And by the time I’d had my break, the show was done!

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I’m always a fan. There are many shows I’ve followed and liked, Supernatural, Fringe, Walking Dead, but I don’t get involved in the internet drama. So, I don’t get as invested.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I assume you mean besides Mulder and Scully!  In literature, My favorite writer is John Steinbeck and every character he created was indelible and singular. East of Eden is my favorite book and the characters of Adam & Caleb Trask, as well as Cathy Ames are so well drawn.  Of Mice and Men, Cannery Row, they’re all perfect.  Another favorite book and character is Alexandre’s Demas, The Count of Monte Cristo.  The arc that Edmond Dantès’ life take is quite Mulder-esque.  And of course, Harry Potter, I’m a sucker for a character fighting against overwhelming odds.

On TV, Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap.  That was an amazingly well-crafted series, also featuring a female show runner, Deborah Pratt.  I love the character of Raymond Reddington on The Blacklist, there is something about a completely unapologetic bad guy. I would have once said Dean and Sam Winchester, but sadly that turned into a case of staying too long at the fair and I stopped watching a couple seasons ago - But the early seasons rocked. Literally every single character in M*A*S*H was golden, and they knew when to call it quits. Thomas Magnum from the original Magnum PI. (People my age will still remember the “Did you see the Sun Rise, Ivan” episode!)

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

Oddly enough, a few weeks before you reached out to me, I watched the X-Files movie again. I remembered the incredible excitement when it came out. Fox did this tour across the county; it was like a mini-con. But I remember they had the trailer on a loop and my friends and I sat through it so many times we could recite the entire thing by heart. TV shows, such as Star Trek, had made the leap to movie, but I don’t believe a TV show had ever made the leap to films while the show was still on TV. But damn, it was good.

I watched the two recent XF mini-series. They did much to revive the old feeling, especially the episodes by Darin Morgan, who is a national treasure. And it was wonderful to see David, Gillian and Mitch. I’m sorry there won’t be more.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I haven’t in quite a while. Mostly because real life has interfered (work, personal stuff, Covid) over this last year and I have trouble concentrating. But I would certainly return to it, you need the escape of a good story.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Oh yes! But they were all from the time I was writing. Lydia Bower, DashaK, BlueSwirl, XFBandit, Paula Graves, Taverl, Prufrock’s Love, and dozens of other are still on my PC.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Like children, they each have their virtues but some may be harder to love than others. While I love a good smutty MSR, I was also a big fan of conflict resolution. So, I’m going to cheat and split the baby here. Based on feedback, I’d have to day my most popular story was Regular People and its sequel. And I really enjoyed writing that. It’s simple, it’s sweet, it’s what I hope for Mulder and Scully. The chance to just BE, if only for a while.

I wanted to try a slash story, so Wind River. That story was inspired by the murder of Matthew Shepard. I have dear friends in the gay community and I was so angry that this could happen in this country, so that one was about the need to treat people compassionately and who better to do that than Mulder and Scully.

But in truth, my own favorite is one that didn’t get much attention, called Rock Bottom. I wanted to explore that the fact Mulder and Scully, were, on occasion, just truly awful to each other and yet still reason to come back together.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I have a couple unfinished stories. There’s one from Quantum Leap, I want to finish first and when that’s done, I would like to finish the two X-Files that are half-baked.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I do legal writing as a profession now, so I write all day long, but analyzing a case or a legal matter is not the same creatively and I do miss that, so I see returning someday, you need to feed your soul.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Well that’s all over the place, much like my mind! Often I was inspired by something I thought was unaddressed in the episodes. That’s where the Just One series came from. Or it’s a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern kind of thing -- That is, what’s happening off screen while the main action is going on. I find that intriguing, and that’s where Risking Everything came from. The incident in By Coincidence actually happened to a friend of a friend and I thought it would make good fodder. Pentimento came to me following a lecture I attended at a gallery, what happens when you peel back the layers you thought were true. You never know what’s going to connect.

What's the story behind your pen name?

“Chimerical” means existing  as the product of unchecked imagination, given to unrealistic flights of fantasy- which seemed right for a fiction writer, especially for XF. In the early days, it became the phonetic “KiMeriKal” when I was on the old AOL service simply because Chimerical wasn’t available as a screen name! But I’m finally Chimerical1975@gmail.com!

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

Yes, my friends are aware, some of them have been my betas over the years. My brother knows I write, but I don’t think he’s ever read anything because he would find the smut elements uncomfortable coming from his little sister!

Is there a place online (Tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

The most recent versions of my stories are at AO3. If I ever get around to anything new it will be posted there as well.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Thanks for reading, thanks for remembering me, and it was a great time in my life. Fandoms are great communities as long as we can always remember there’s a human being at the other end of the keyboard.  Be kind, be compassionate, and never stop imagining the possibilities.

(Posted by Lilydale on February 23, 2021)

[palmtreepalmtree]

Hey everyone!  I am pleased to present the first holiday edition of...

The Worst Movie on Netflix Right Now™!

Today we’re going to talk about the first Netflix holiday release, Holidate.

Deep sigh.

OYEZ, OYEZ.  NOW COMES BEFORE THE COURT THE CASE OF PALMTREEPALMTREE V. NETFLIX.

NETFLIX PRESENTS FOR CONSIDERATION IN THE HOLIDAY ROMANCE GENRE THE NETFLIX FILM KNOWN AS HOLIDATE (HENCEFORTH ”THE FILM”).  THE FILM IS CHARGED WITH UNNECESSARY ADULT LANGUAGE, POOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, CRUELTY TO SINGLE PEOPLE, AND NEGLIGENT TREATMENT OF SERIOUS FIREWORK INJURIES.

PALMTREEPALMTREE, PLEASE PRESENT YOUR CASE.

Thank you, your honors and friends and gentlepeople of the jury.  Today we consider a film known as Holidate and whether it’s worthy of our collective viewing.  Let’s cut right to the chase here.  It is not worthy of our time.

Let me break this one down for you:

THE PREMISE

The premise of The Film is pretty much the only thing that’s not bad about it.  A young woman, tired of feeling uncomfortable as the only single person at family get-togethers, makes a pact with a handsome man that she randomly met at the mall to be each others’ so-called holidates.  They basically agree to attend whatever events need attending on the holidays with zero romantic expectations.

As a premise for a rom-com, this is totally sound.  We’ve arranged for our two heroes to spend quality time together that will eventually lead to them falling in love, right?  Right.  

So where does this go wrong?

UNNECESSARY ADULT LANGUAGE

The Film kicks right off with a mature rating.  It really wants you to know it’s mature.  In fact, this is the first line of the movie:

She promptly extinguishes that cigarette on the head of a light-up Santa Claus. You might immediately think, OH HAHA FUNNY.  But no, it’s not.  Take it from an expert.  Cursing for cursing’s sake is not funny.  It’s true that the word ‘fuck’ may have a funny fucking rhythm to it, but the word alone is not a fucking joke.  It’s not inherently funny to say ‘FUCK.’  Also, ‘pussy,’ ‘slut,’ and ‘clitoris.’  Not funny when you’re just working it into a sentence for no purpose.

It’s like this movie wants to be the Bad Santa of holiday rom-coms.  But who the fuck asked for that?  This movie is like the girl who claims she’s ‘not like other girls.’  This movie is the girl who ‘doesn’t know why, but only has guy friends.’   This is the ‘girl who listens to the Joe Rogan podcast’ of rom-coms.  None of these things fucking exist.  But this movie sure is trying.

POOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Listen, I’m not saying that all women in the world have friends.  But most women in the world (especially pre-long-term partnership) have some sort of friend group.  Even if it’s long distance or online or something.  But the main character here, played by Emma Roberts, appears to have no one.  Just her consistently abusive family members (more on that later).  

The premise of this movie quickly morphs from “I need a date to bring to my family events,” to “I need a date for every holiday on the calendar including ones that don’t involve my family.”  Why does she want to hang out with this rando on St. Patrick’s Day?  Cinco de Mayo?  Halloween?  WHERE ARE HER FUCKING FRIENDS?

There are no friends in sight.  This would be more believable if the script even hinted that she had friends.  Like maybe she’s tired of third-wheeling it with her couple friends while she tries to find dates of her own?  Or maybe she’s super emotionally wrecked from her last guy (even though she only dated him for a few months!?!?!?)  But no.  Instead, she spends the better part of the year of this movie going out with this fucking placeholder instead of trying to meet people or having fun with her actual fucking friends.  

Her personality is just a general sketch of habits: eats junk food, smokes and lies about it, works from home, enjoys pajama pants, etc.  We know nothing about her otherwise.  At least she’s not clumsy.

If it seems weird that I haven’t mentioned the male lead that’s because he’s fucking boring and I don’t really give a shit about him.  He’s oatmeal.  

CRUELTY TO SINGLE PEOPLE

I honestly can’t believe I have to say this, but if you’re going to make a rom-com that people can relate to maybe you should not spend the entire film showing contempt towards single people?  Actual lines from the movie:

[with shock horror] “What do you mean, you don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day!?”

“She’s going to die alone in a wheelchair and a diaper.”

“Human beings aren’t meant to be alone on the holidays.”

“She doesn’t need another friend she needs a husband.  A partner.  Someone legally bound to be there during the chemo.”

The main character’s single status is treated by everyone as sad, pathetic, something that needs to change as soon as humanly possible.  They are aggressively cruel to her about her single status.  Her mother says things to her like, “I care about you.”  And characters are always observing that she seems sad.  I can credit the Film with these expressions coming out of a sincere place.  But because it simultaneously always plays those moments for laughs, there’s an element of meanness to it.  

“YOU SEEM SO SAD, HAHAHA!!!!”

Look, I’m not saying the movie doesn’t have a point.  I think human connection is really important.  Caring for other people and having people who care about you is important.  But this movie and all of its characters treat romantic relationships as if they are the only type of relationship worth pursuing.  What if this movie ended with them just being friends?  Would that have been so bad?

Also, nearly all of the other romantic relationships in this movie are a fucking disaster --- and again, they are played for laughs.  The main character’s sister is trapped in a marriage where she and her husband are living separate lives with different priorities and values; her brother has gotten engaged to a woman after three months of dating who HAHA he doesn’t even seem to know very well; and her mom is single and maybe possibly is projecting her own fears and loneliness even though that’s never actually acknowledged in any way?  

I don’t know guys, but I think a rom-com should leave you feeling optimistic about love.  I mean, what the fuck else is the point?

NEGLIGENT TREATMENT OF SERIOUS FIREWORK INJURIES

Look, I don’t want to get into the weeds here, but in the pursuit of cheap laughs, this movie absurdly treats some pretty serious injuries lightly and it’s weird and it doesn’t work and I honestly don’t know why this movie is what it is.  It should be called Holidate: a movie in search of a tone.  

CLOSING ARGUMENTS

A good rom-com requires several things to be truly successful: 1) a fun, engaging premise; 2) believable characters that you care about and want to end up together; and 3) a good feeling at the end that leaves you optimistic and warm and fuzzy.  This movie may succeed in being occasionally funny (I guess, if that’s your sort of thing, it’s not mine, I just thought it was weird and gross, and I don’t fucking know), but it fails on 2/3 of those requirements.  

Not to mention, WHAT A FUCKING WASTE OF KRISTIN CHENOWETH.  

In conclusion, your honor and gentlepeople of the jury:

THIS MOVIE IS A FUCKING MESS AND IT SHOULD LEAVE SINGLE PEOPLE ALONE.  

[fenweak]

As requested! This rec list features Kazer Kid Fics -- Jonny and Patrick both with kids and babies AND as kids and babies, with a small dash of de-aging and a spoonful of mpreg. 

⭐ for my personal faves

My Other Rec Lists 🍭 Rec me a fic? 🍭

The Ones Where They Have Kids

No Capes by sorrylatenew ⭐ - j/p as parents; implied mpreg

Husbands. Dads. Retired superheroes.

The Reeducation of Misters Kane and Toews + timestamp by jezziejay - single dad Patrick, teacher Jonny  ⭐

In which Kaner sort of has a kid, and Mr. Toews doesn't know which of them is the bigger brat.

AU featuring teacher!Jon and hockey-player!Kaner. With bonus 'Hawks characters, love notes, pasta jewelry, Be Better Pizzas, pirouettes, a sprinke of angst and guest appearance by Derek Jeter.

trust your intuition (it's just like goin' fishin') by poeelektra - 1988 as parents

They’re on the periphery of the Home Wares section of Target, heading with purposeful stride toward Sporting Goods, when Gabe declares that he wants a doll for his “Been Good” toy.

Every Little Thing He Does (is magic) by jezziejay - single dad Patrick

Jonny Toews is a bewitching man who moves into a mysterious mansion in a small town. Soon, he opens Bell, Book & Candle, a curiosity shop full of candles, lotions, etc., and is enthralling the children of local police chief (Patrick Kane), who believe he is a witch (but not a bad one.) But not everyone in town is appreciative of their quirky new neighbor, and it may take a little bit of magic for him to truly become part of the community.

Under Cover by heartstrings - 1988 as parents

"Just get in the fucking blanket fort, Kaner."

Feels Like Family To Me + prequels by exmanhater - 1988 as parents

Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane plan, create, and obtain their family.

living next door to alice series by cinderlily - 1988 as parents

"It started with a phone call."Patrick and Jonny are suddenly given the opportunity to be parents. This is how they stumble through it.

some say love is a burning thing podfic by exmanhater - 1988 as parents

If anyone had told Johnny upon entering the NHL that thirteen years later he'd not only have a kid with Patrick Kane, but would be getting ready to go on a 'date night,’ he'd have said they must be smoking some pretty good shit.And then he'd have to wait a decade to eat his words.

In the Middle of the Night - 1988 as parents

Gone are the days when it took a cold, wet washcloth on his face to wake him up. Or: Five times Pat and Jonny's daughter wakes them up, plus one time they wake her up.

so show me family - single dad Patrick

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard

Fill It Up With Love by Frosting50 - single dad Pat; implied mpreg

So Pat’s senior year doesn’t turn out exactly like he’d planned. He still gets his degree in accounting, but he also gets a little girl named Emma. She’s all fat pink cheeks, curly brown hair, and blue eyes. She might have Ryan’s chin, but she’s all Pat’s. And the first time she falls asleep on his chest, chubby hand curled around his thumb, skin so soft and sweet he damn-near feels bowled over with how much he loves her. He didn’t know he could love anyone so much; it makes his heart feel too big for his chest, and he knows that he’ll spend the rest of his life trying to give her the world.

peas & carrots by altri_uccelli - 1988 as parents

Unapologetic Halloween fluff, or: Jonny forgets what day it is, but Kaner's on it.

Can You Lyft Me Up? by Mullsandmutts - single dad Patrick

Even high profile athletes like Chicago Blackhawks Captain Jonathan Toews are forced to utilize paid transportation from time to time. An accidental "share my ride" selection on an app results in a life-altering ride with an mouthy Russian driver (Artemi), an unfairly attractive single father (Patrick Kane) and his adorable sassy (and color-matching-challenged) preschool daughter (introducing Molly Donna Patricia Amelia Kane aka Mo). Jonathan refuses to feel too sketch when he negotiates a plan with the driver to "accidentally" have more shared rides with his new friends. When Mo has a traumatic incident at day camp, Patrick's heart is broken and Jonny enlists the help of Temi and the ever-meddling Patrick Sharp to get smiles back on both Kane faces. Jonathan finds himself more and more drawn to Patrick but Patrick's fears of being a good enough parent for Mo and meeting all of her needs could keep them apart. Will Temi, the Sharp family and a trio of nosy aunts in Buffalo be enough to help Jonathan and Patrick realize what they could have together or will Patrick's stubbornness and Jonathan's fear of ruining their friendship keep them apart? Stay tuned to find out ....

Three by Linsky - i won’t spoil it 

Patrick doesn’t think he’s a pervert. But how would he know? Maybe a pervert is just a thing you are, and it doesn’t feel any different from being a normal person, until you do something perverted. Maybe that’s him.After all, he does have two names on his wrist.

All Your Memories by toewsandconfused - 1988 as parents; amnesiafic

Pat went to sleep a bachelor in the Trump Towers and woke up next to Jonny in the suburbs with three kids calling him Daddy. Struggling to figure out his new reality Patrick had ruled out dream, was banking on delusion because even though it meant he was losing his mind, it seemed safer than some kind of late-onset amnesia. He didn’t want to face that idea that this really was his life; that Jonny was his, that those beautiful kids were his, and he couldn’t remember any of it. The idea that the memories of their life together could be lost forever was too terrifying to deal with. Losing his mind was preferable to losing his memories.

Chelsea, Chelsea I Believe by empathapathique - single dad Pat ⭐

Patrick meets a girl his rookie year.

Don't Let Go by aohatsu - 1988 as adoptive parents

“So you were already with the boy you saved when the fire started?”Patrick pauses, but shakes his head. “No, there was an explosion—I don’t really know what it was, but then it was just me and Tigre, and it’s like, in a situation like that, you don’t really think? You just do. So I grabbed the kid and went through the fire escape. It’s not like I decided I wanted to save anybody, it was just the only option.”

Always Be My Baby by juliusschmidt - single dad Patrick

The thing is, you don’t just grow up once.

as careless as you are certain - single dad Patrick 

March through August, 2015.

the one with the baby yentas series by forochel

Tazer has a son and Kaner is his son's kindergarten teacher.

It's the Magic of Risking Everything by conformityissuicide - single dad Jonny

When Jonny is thirteen he meets a small kid from Buffalo at a hockey tournament.

Then he has a gay crisis, a baby girl, and gets drafted 3rd overall by an Original Six franchise.

When he meets Patrick Kane again at prospect camp he doesn’t feel anything but excitement.

And then it all goes to hell.

"of gifts and fireflies" by huntersandangels - single dad Jon

Patrick Kane hasn’t lived a charmed life despite money flowing through his veins. The journey he is currently on, though paved with good intentions, proves to be a harder challenge than he could ever be ready for. The people he meets along the way give him a much more valued gift than his grandfather could ever dream of giving him. 

I'm gonna love you til my lungs give out by arenadomatthews - 1988 as parents

“Papa, Dad, you guys are retiring today?” Bryan asks, looking up at his parents.“Yeah buddy, we are. Are you gonna behave while Dad and I are doing our press conference?” Patrick asks.

“Duh, Dad. I'm not a baby anymore,” he scoffs.

“He's right, Pat. He's our big boy now,” Jonny adds.

“Yeah, I'm going into 4th grade,” Bryan boasts pridefully.Patrick and Jonathan are finally announcing their retirement after 20 NHL seasons. However, their retirement ceremony will come with a twist: they'll be publicly coming out and revealing their family

Your Daddy's Aim Is True by thefourthvine; podfic by isweedan - cup wish baby! ⭐

patch it up by gasmsinc - 1988 as parents

Jonny stares at his daughter for a long moment. She stares back, eyes unwavering. She has Kaner’s baby blues, but at five she’s already mastered Jonny’s dead on the inside stare. Her kindergarten teacher claims she uses the unwavering look to bully other students into doing what she wants, and it’s something they should work on at home, but Jonny’s baby is a natural born leader, and he’s not going to get in her way of becoming the president, or, better yet, the supreme ruler of the universe.

Your patch,” says Jonny.

Baby, It's Hot Outside by toewsyourheart - single dad Pat 

 Jonny goes for a popsicle and gets a little bit more than he bargained for.

Take All That's Left - divorced single dad Pat

It’s been 6 years now, and he’s grown to enjoy the city since signing with the Rangers to follow Anna, who’d found a job in Brooklyn.

But Chicago; Chicago was Patrick’s first love, all his important firsts – it’s all been hers, and having to leave had been heartbreaking. Too many memories from Chicago were heartbreaking, and yet he always yearned for the city, always felt more comfortable walking her streets than any other place in the world. No other place quite felt like home the way Chicago did.

Isn’t She Lovely by windsthatwhisper + podfic by kanetcews (lavenderharry) - wish baby!

It's nine in the morning when Pat and Jonny stumble down the stairs, sluggish with sleep.

There’s a baby carrier on the kitchen island.

Jonny blinks, blinks again, then turns to get a cup of coffee.

Recreation, Entertainment, Art, or Sport by trademarkgiggle

of course jonathan toews can juggle

so show me family series by peeks, tazer - teacher Pat

“Just admit you like him.”

“Shut up, Sharpy,” Patrick says, before he rolls his eyes and tries to ignore the smirk widening on Sharpy’s lips. “Don’t you have your kids’ parents to bother?”

“No, my last kid left a couple minutes ago, so I’m totally here to watch you and Jonathan Toews make heart eyes at each other,” Sharpy laughs, waltzing into Patrick’s classroom. He immediately makes his way to see Sadie, who greets her dad with a hug.

(In which Patrick Kane is terrible at feelings but luckily, Patrick Sharp is a total bro.)

The Ones Where They’re With Kids

In My Blood and In My Bones + Nothing Sweet or Gentle by fourfreedoms ⭐

Patrick’s not really into dudes—he’s done that whole thing a couple of times—that’s rock-n-roll after all, but god, when Jonathan smiles, he looks really good.Johnny is a nanny. Patrick's a musician. They fall in love. Inspired by the movie What Maisie Knew.

the kids are alright

Patrick works at the sporting goods store Jonny takes his peewee team to for equipment.

given to us as free-flying souls by Mayhem10

Jonathan had never really considered himself particularly good with kids. He didn’t avoid them or anything and it’s not like they burst into tears when they saw his face, but he never was exactly sure what to do with them, these little people running around at waist height. It just wasn’t his area.So, of course, Patrick was basically the child whisperer.

(or five times Jonathan saw Patrick with kids and one time Patrick saw him)

Hide Your Face So The World Will Never Find You (Paper Faces On Parade) by huntersandangels

Jonathan Toews, farm owner and guardian of his nephew, is in desperate need of capable farm hands. Patrick Kane certainly does not fit the description but when a mutual friend confides in him that Patrick has lost everything he owned and is in serious need himself and offers Jonathan money to hire him, how can he say no?

Patrick Kane loves statistics and spending his money on thoroughly planned ‘adventures’ for his friends when he’s not partying away the rest of his fortune. If he wins the bet he can continue to plot freely but if he loses his extra curriculum activities have to stop. He agrees to go on an ‘adventure’ himself and settles in the Toews Farm posing as a farm hand. But as the time goes by, the less pretend it feels-and the more he enjoys Jonathan and Etienne’s company and the quite life in the farm; to the point where he’s not sure whether he wants to win the bet or lose...

Baby, You're the One by jezziejay ⭐

6k words of Jonathan Toews having feelings about babies. And feelings about Kaner. And feelings about putting a baby in Kaner.

The Ones Where They Are Kids

The Cat and the Fiddle series by james - childhood soulmates!

When Donna's son is four, he creates an imaginary friend.

i want to know what you know by sointimate - childhood sweethearts

Patrick is six years old and he's about to do the scariest thing he's ever done in his whole life.

Colorblind by july_v ⭐

Jon is five when he meets Patrick. It's also the time he begins to understand colors as more than an abstract concept.

How to become a man  series+ coda by liketheroad, mockturtletale

In which Kaner gets spontaneously de-aged into a six-year-old, and he and Tazer both have a lot of growing up to do.

Romper Room by james - de-aged 1988

Sharpie doesn't really think this should be part of his duty as alternate captain. Luckily, none of this is his fault. A.K.A., the one where Kaner and Johnny are five.

you ruined everything in the best way by thisissirius + podfic by exmanhater .⭐ - de-aged Saader

Kaner's looking down at the kid, though, frowning. He crouches down. "Hey, kid, where are your parents?

"The kid's bottom lip juts out and starts wobbling. Fuck, that means he's going to start crying, right?

"Oh shi—oot, kid, don't cry," Kaner says. "I mean, if you don't know where they are, we can find 'em?"

"Kaner," Sharpy presses. "That's Saad."

don't worry about your body - de-aged Jonny

No one said anything. Everyone stared at each other then down at the tiny human being that was standing where Jonny had been. Kaner felt his mouth go entirely dry, and his stomach drop out from underneath him.

What the fuck, man.

Can You Picture It? by RemyJane

In which Kaner turns into a baby and everyone besides Jonny seems to understand. Includes excessive cuddling, ridiculously adorable baby-Kaner, and feelings. Jonny eventually figures everything out.

Never Getting That Shirt Back by ice_hot_13 - de-aged Pat

Patrick is de-aged into a toddler, and when he's with Jonny, he isn't a holy terror.

Je T'aime by banks99 (Nodiggity15) - de-aged Jonny

“He won’t take a bath. He’s arguing with me. It’s like he didn’t even change at all.” Kaner’s not pouting, fuck you very much.

MPREG

I Got a Love (That Keeps Me Waiting) by svmadelyn ⭐ -mpreg!pat

There's a lot of different ways this summary could go, like:Patrick Kane gets more than a gold medal in Sochi.

Or, the classic: It's too late to pull out now.Or: Patrick Kane continues to thrive in high pressure situations.Or: Patrick Kane gets knocked up, goes to White Castle, and finds love, not necessarily in that order.

But, ultimately, all that really matters is this: Patrick Kane is keeping his baby.

private passions and secret storms (all the secrets series) by CoffeeKristin, Frosting50  - mpreg!pat

Jonny’s life is good - great even. He loves Patrick and their kids, and even if they don’t always have time for each other, he wouldn’t trade it for anything. But when Jeff Carter comes into his life, Jonny’s world gets turned upside down. It’s going to take everything he’s got to convince Patrick to give him a second - maybe even a third - chance.

Patrick’s blindsided by Jonny’s betrayal and putting his family back together is a lot harder than he expected when their past comes back to haunt them.Can love conquer all?

Forever & Always, My Baby You'll Be by windsthatwhisper - mpreg!jonny

Jonny and Pat's life is a cycle of curse words, late night feedings, and five minute handjobs in the hallway closet.

Aka, I wanted some 1988 w/ a baby feels so I wrote this blurb of a thing in about seven minutes.

efficacy by thirteentorafters - mpreg!patrick

“You,” Patrick says, jabbing a finger angrily at Jonny. “Are gonna fucking help me, dickface.”

Opening his mouth to ask what the hell is going on; Jonny’s eyes drop to Patrick’s stomach. Jonny is acquainted with Patrick’s naked body and the last time they met, Patrick wasn’t fat. Or paunchy. Except that doesn’t look like usual fat. “Oh fuck.”

“Yeah, ‘oh fuck’,” Patrick says, imitating Jonny’s tone. “You knocked me up, asshole. What are you gonna do about it?”

Forever & Always, My Baby You'll Be by windsthatwhisper - mpreg!jonny

Jonny and Pat's life is a cycle of curse words, late night feedings, and five minute handjobs in the hallway closet.

Looked So Fine (I Just Had To Speak) by svmadelyn - !!!! ⭐

Patrick Kane’s talking penis maintains a ‘to do’ list. It is as follows:1. Jonathan Toews

Phone Tag by hawkeytime (jayyloo) - mpreg!Jonny

"Hi mom. Sorry I couldn’t catch you, so I guess I’ll just, uh.. leave a message. See, the thing is… my super-potent sperm may or may not have managed to knock Jonny up. Okay bye."

"Yes, hello, is this Hockey Canada? I just want it written on the record, today, June 31, 2015, that my incredibly improbable unborn child with Jonathan Toews will be playing for America. Yes, I’ll hold.

"Or: Pat accidentally knocks Jonny up. A saga told in a series of voicemails

A Royal Baby - mpreg!Pat

A cough from the doorway cuts Seabs off mid sentence. Duncs is standing watching them, a particularly somber expression on his face. "Jonny, I'm sorry to interrupt but you have a visitor that you'll want to go see right away.""Now really isn't a good time," Jonny tells him, not even putting down his fork."Trust me Your Highness," Duncs says, "This will be worth it."

[Patrick and Jonathan think their time brief time together at the Olympics is all they can ever have. Patrick's ensuing pregnancy proves otherwise.]

sun sweet berries of the earth series by gasmsinc - mpreg!Pat; a/b/o

There is a spirit living in Patrick State Park.“Listen,” says Jonny. “I didn’t mean to step on your crown.”The spirit’s bottom lip wobbles.

Tame the Roads That Can't Be Tamed by Linsky - mpreg!Pat; a/b/o

Patrick’s flown a million times. He’s never gotten airsick before. Even on last year’s epic flight to Denver, when they hit massive turbulence and half the team was groaning over barf bags, Patrick’s stomach was fine. And maybe he’s sick, sure—but why doesn’t he feel sick the rest of the time? Why is it only mornings and—

Oh.

Oh, no.

Oh fucking no.

(Or: In which it is difficult to be a wolf in the NHL, especially when you're not that good at condoms.)

Carve His Name With Pride ⭐  - mpreg!Jonny

Jonny leaves behind a home, a house, and a hockey career the month after he learns that he’s pregnant.

Eyass - mpreg!Jonny

"I dunno," Kaner tells him. "Whatever you need, man. You’re having a baby! That’s a lot of work. I want to be here for you."

Somehow, in the dozens of conversations he’s had with teammates and friends and family in the past few days, no one has said those exact words to Jonny: “you’re having a baby”. He has to comb his fingers through his hair and take a deep, steadying breath to compose himself.

Kaner notices and smiles at him; a crooked, beautiful thing. “It’s pretty amazing, isn’t it?”

Heartburn and Survival by dedougal  - mpreg!Jonny

They were in Canada when Jonny found out he was pregnant. Afterwards, Jonny used that as a point in his bulleted list of arguments about why Jack should represent Canada but, to be entirely truthful, finding out in Canada - finding out anywhere - was pretty disastrous.

Three Cups and a Pup by Miss_Psychotic, nommedeplume  - mpreg!Patrick

The Story of Alpha Jonny and Omega Kaner getting their shit together and learning how to be Adulting Adults (Finally)

Chips and Cribs by whatislife - mpreg!Jonny

“What do you mean there are no chips,” Jonny asks from where he is standing by the island, hand resting on his stomach. “Weren’t they on the list? Did you not buy them?”(Patrick just wants to sleep.)

[bookscapadesblog]

What to Read While Stuck in Quarantine

Right now, many people (myself included) are stuck inside and social distancing due to the Hell that is considered our world because of Corona.  As a fun activity for myself and in the hopes of maybe helping a few people through this weird/uncomfortable/stressful/whatever other negative phrase you want to use time, I thought I’d compose a list of books that may occupy your time. I’m going to try and stick with completed series or stand-alones so that in addition to everything else you’re not miserable you have to wait for a new book.

Similiar to my Non-Horror October reads post, I’ll add the Goodreads link so you can check out ratings and such!

So...here is my list of books that might help get you through the dumpster fire that is our current situation!

(I am aware some of these are very popular but I’m adding them anyway in case someone hasn't read them)

Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas 

After serving a year in a slave camp, Celaena Sardothien is granted the chance at freedom when the crown prince chooses her to be his champion in a competition to find the new royal assassin.

If you haven't read this series yet and love YA fantasy please do yourself a favor and get it. Katie and I love it so much

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas

A loose retelling of Beauty and the Beast; Feyre is dragged off as a prisoner to a magical kingdom after killing a faerie while hunting in the woods.  She comes to learn that maybe her captor, a beautiful Fae trapped in a mask, might not be as terrible as she thought.

I’m not even going to lie this was difficult to give a two sentence summary of. The first book is great but 2 and 3 are exponentially better and Feyre is just the badass woman we all need.

The Iskari Trilogy by Kristen Ceccarelli 

Asha is the Iskari, responsible for hunting dragons in her kingdom. Engaged to a man she will never love, she is given the opportunity to prevent her marriage by killing the most ancient of all dragons.

All three of these books are interconnected but each one follows a different main character.  They were all AMAZING, but book two (The Caged Queen) was my favorite

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo

In the country of Ravaka, cut in half by a darkness called The Shadow Fold, Grisha are an elite magical group.  After learning of her own abilities during an attack on the fold, Alina Starkov is taken away to learn to harness her power while under supervision of their leader, The Darkling.

I put off reading these like an idiot and finished them a few months ago and absolutely loved them. King of Scars is a continuation but maybe wait until the second one comes out to read it because I’ve been struggling getting over it and anxiously waiting for any news about it.

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Kaz Brekker is one of the most notorious criminals in Ketterdam. When offered a job that will make him rich beyond his wildest dreams, he gathers a crew that can help him pull off a deadly heist.

This book has an array of diverse characters and a lot of excitement and hijinks. Takes place in the same universe as Shadow and Bone, so I would recommend reading it after them, but it can be done on its own.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw

The small town of Sparrow is located on the coast of Washington and has a troubling history.  Every summer witches possess three mortal girls and use their bodies to lure boys into the ocean and drown them.  When a new boy arrives Penny doesn't know if she will be able to protect him from her sinister home.

I read this one in a day and absolutely loved it. Easy and entertaining read.

The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller

Alessandra is tried of being in the shadow of her older sister so she devises a plan: make the Shadow King fall in love with her, marry him, and then kill him and take his kingdom.

This book was described as a ‘slytherin love story’ and I was all about it. It was an easy read and definitely kept me intrigued in the story.

Gone by Michael Grant

All adults disappear, along with cell phones, internet, and any other way to get help. Teens are left to pick up the pieces in this sic-fi story.

I read this series a pretty long time ago but it was SO GOOD. Grant did such a great job sucking you in, to this day I will still recommend it to people.

The Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning (Book #1 is Darkfever)

When her sister is murdered, MacKayla travels to Ireland in search of answers. While there she learns she is able to see beyond the human realm, into the real of the Fae.

Honestly this series was so wild and I remember there being some unnecessary erotic stuff but it was still SO DAMN ENTERTAINING. A good way to escape the humdrum of quarantine life.

Anything by Gillian Flynn

If you need a thriller, murder mystery, etc just honestly pick Gone Girl, Sharp Objects, or Dark Places. They're all so good.

Caraval by Stephanie Garber 

Scarlett has always wanted to participate in the fantastical performance that is Caraval. She gets her wish when an invitation arrives, but then regrets it when she learns the performance centers around her sister Tella, who has been kidnapped by Caravel Master Legend.

I love these books. Scarlett and Tella are both amazing in their own way and the mystery and not knowing what is real and whats part of the game makes it so fun to read.

These Rebel Waves (Stream Raiders) by Sara Raasch

Adeluna is a soldier that helped free her home island of Grace Loray from its oppressors, the kingdom of Argrid. Devereux is a pirate, sailing the waters of Grace Loray and collecting its magic plants and selling them on the black market.  Benet is the Crown Prince of Argrid, unsure of his father’s beliefs and methods after watching his uncle and cousin burned to death after practicing magic. Their fates are intertwined as they all search for peace between Grace Loray and Argrid.

Katie and I both just read this and they were so good. The beginning is a little slow but the history you get on all the characters is great.

Angelfall (Penryn and the End of Days) by Susan Ee

Angels of the Apocalypse have fallen to Earth.  Streets are ravaged and life as we know it is over. When Penryn’s little sister is taken by Warrior Angels, she's willing to do anything to get her back, even make a deal with an enemy angel.

I looked for a hard copy of this trilogy everywhere and couldn't find it, so finally gave up and got the kindle books.  I loved it, the end of world sci-fi and enemies-to-lovers tropes were wonderful.

The Knife of Never Letting Go (Chaos Walking) by Patrick Ness

Todd Hewitt lives in a town of only men, where everyone can hear each other’s thoughts.  He stumbles across a girl in the swamp, the only one he’s ever seen and it sets off a chain of events that can't be stopped. On the run and hunted by the only people he's ever known, Todd tries to discover the dark truth of his world.

This series was so well written and just sucked you in. Even if it seemed like nothing was happening or was going to happen soon, I couldn't put it down.  The books are all long too so thats a plus for quarantine reading.

And if you need something to bring you back to a time when things were simpler, may I recommend rereading some old favorites, two of mine are:

Harry Potter by J.K Rowling and Percy Jackson and the Olympians (also The Heroes of Olympus) by Rick Riordan 

These don't need links, but they were two series that I loved when I was younger. The Goblet of Fire was the first big chapter book I ever read on my own and PJO just was so fun. I just read all the PJO graphic novels because I found them when I redid my bookshelves and it was a nice little escape.

Honestly, I have more recommendations but I feel like this is a long post already so I’m going to stop here and maybe I’ll do another one.

Anyway...happy reading, I hope this helps someone. It definitely improved my mood. Just remember High School Musical and hopefully we’ll get through this soon.

[suchatinyinfinity]

🦄 + 🌼 for Ryan, and 💣 + 🥛 for Benjamin!

Guess who had to redo all of this? Thank god for Google docs and their auto-save feature. But thank you, you absolute gem! I love doing head canons and don’t do nearly enough, and you gave me four... which I went into way too much detail on each, so this is going under a read more. These were so much fun!

Ryan Brenner

🦄(Physical health):

Ryan is strong, and has to be with the whole train-hopping thing!  It takes leg strength, arm strength, back strength, hand strength… which brings me to his strong, long, dexterous fingers. I’ll stop with his fingers there or I’ll get too carried away.

His eating isn’t all that healthy living on the road. He’s not picky with his food, but it’s not all that easy to come by and his pack is full of essentials and non-perishables (like we’ve seen him eating canned food crouched in a train car). When he pops in a shop to buy coffee-- Ryan drinking gas station coffee has always been a HC of mine-- he’ll grab a pack of trail mix or mixed nuts, some granola bars that are “just nuts”. 

In general, Ryan is healthy, and though he’s out in the weather all the time, he rarely gets sick. Maybe a sniffle in the winter, but even seasonal allergies don’t really get him down. His voice just gets a bit more gravelly.

🌼(Happiness):

As for happiness, Ryan’s happiest when he’s traveling and when he’s playing. There’s no telling what’s looming around the corner, what he may learn and discover wherever he ends up. There’s no schedule to adhere to, and to Ryan, that contributes a lot to his happiness.

Getting lost in his music is his first love, and he loves sharing it with people. When passersby stop and listen, it’s great, and it’s very rare that they really “hear” him. That brings Ryan happiness. And he doesn’t see loneliness as a bad thing. It’s just the way of life of a drifter most of the time, and he’s okay with that.

This isn’t to say that Ryan is oblivious or naive in his happiness. He knows there is ugliness in the world, and he experiences it, without words necessarily being said. Being very observant and attentive, Ryan notices things many “normal people” wouldn’t.. for example, the way some look at him with disdain or disgust, or turn up their noses, whispering to who they’re walking with because of the way he’s dressed. To them, he’s worthless, a homeless bum... maybe even a dangerous man. For the most part, he’s used to it and lets it roll off his back. He is happy with his freedom and his means of making money, living the vagabond sort of life with nothing to weigh him down... except that pack. It can get pretty heavy.

Benjamin Greene

 💣(Stress):

The type of stress/stressor definitely triggers different reactions from Benjamin. For example, when Patrick calls him “Ben”, he is strong and firm in correcting him that his name is Benjamin. The attitude and upset along with the quickness of his response is due to the subject matter: his name, and he is diligent to being Benjamin Greene and not Sean White. He’s determined that he’s left who he used to be behind when he left Kent, and he’s going to make sure of that, so it being a trigger to stress makes sense.

When Julia disappears before the wedding, we see a frantic, hysteric Benjamin. He literally can’t handle what’s happened. He grew up having no one (except his traitorous half-brother) and nothing, and a visceral fear of abandonment and being unloved--or unlovable after what he’s been accused  of and incarcerated for-- and to find love and lose it would be devastating. He’s anxious, his hands shake, he’s desperate and nervous and willing to do whatever it takes.

On the other hand, he’s skilled at hiding from some stressors in the moment, and rects to them at a more appropriate time. Julia’s kids being rude is one example. In some instances, he’d take it, brush it off, clench his jaw or laugh it off and seem unaffected for the most part. After, he’d vocalize his distaste for it, but not wanting to make anything uncomfortable for Julia, Benjamin would avoid making a scene.

This is a difficult one because Benjamin is very unique in his character and that means his response is situational. He can be quite passionate and his emotions run high-- we see him afraid, begging at some points; we see him intimidated and red hot with anger; we see him quietly seething or sitting back watching some things unfold. He’s impulsivity, I think, is a significant part of being caught in some stressful situations. (I  love Benjamin, but also feel sorry for him at times.)

🥛(Drink):

Benjamin drinking a lot; he’s not an alcoholic by any means, but takes pleasure in his liquor. He obviously very much enjoys his wine, whether white or red, typically with dinner or after. For something a bit stronger, he goes for a nice, smooth, dark brandy (which our cerebral boy knows the higher the brand, the better for your health by way of lowering cholesterol). If he’s having drinks out, it's not rare that he’ll enjoy an Old Fashioned. Any type of whiskey ( bourbon, rye, scotch, etc) is suited to his taste, but his favorite is brandy, straight.

Mr. Greene has been known to make his coffee Irish on occasion, or if drinking iced coffee, to mix in some Kahlua. And if he really wants to jazz up that cold brew, he’ll add in some orange zest.

[bxngthedoldrums]

worst outfits of the boys?

ALRIGHT !!! ALRIGHT let’s get into it....as always i saved the best (worst?) for last,

panic:

first of all, ryan ross has NEVER missed!!! never !!! he always had the cleanest fits - in fact, he was the ONLY bitch who ever fully committed to the era’s styles, and he was also the only one who was rly pushin the fashion boundaries. i cannot think of one bad ryan look, but i do have one spencer one in mind that haunts me and it’s that weird plaid suit thing he wore to the grammys??? jon never dressed particularly well either tbh but he just didnt give a shit so i commend him. br*ndon had some trash ass fits esp in 2008, including that weird khaki suit jacket.....i’d include a pic but its just so giant and i dont want his face on my blog so enjoy spencer’s look

fall out boy:

okay none of fob were ever rly Dressing i gotta b honest,,, there’s certain recurring elements that rly put the fucks to them fashion-wise tho, and off the top of my head are joe’s sandals and patrick’s ugly as shit hats. they were all notorious for garbage ass looks on the red carpet, too ?????? i hate it here. this photo from 05 haunts me

also fuck this fit

cobra starship: 

i think it’s unfair to judge cobra for their fashion because it was sorta their Thing to be trashy and tacky, and i cant hold that against them. suarez dressed the best, and even that is a stretch. they were really good at color coordinating tho so ig i gotta give them that leeway but here’s a good photo showcasing some of the ugliest shit. also i rly like when they’re doing like an Official Event and everyone’s dressed nice but gabe (not this photo but has happened multiple times!!!!!)

the academy is:

any outfit in which carden had his toes out, first of all. william has had some trashy fits too and the one that’s really forefront in my mind is the vest over the tank top and the boot cut jeans AND the sandals, shown in this photo. butcher’s pink scarf also fucking sucked tbh but overall i may dare to say tai was one of the better dressed on the scene, esp after 2006

my chemical romance:

this is where the dumpster fire really ignites. it’s really not a fashion statement, but it IS a fucking deathwish. these other bands could simply use the times as an excuse, but mcr continuously entrenched themselves in terrible outfits and committed so many fashion faux pas that i couldn’t possibly list them all (particularly our usual culprits, the way brothers) i will not roast the band as a whole for Any concept outfit units, such as the revenge suits/bulletproof vest/etc, tbp jackets, or danger days, BUT there were many horrendous standalone looks that we are forced to bear witness to

i want to start formally with the leather jacket that gerard destroyed with his sweat, from 2002 - 2005? i believe. i have posted some unfortunate photos of it on this blog before and i will not clog this post up w more, but it exists and it’s disgusting. it’s truly in a league of its own.

i’m in possession of a pretty terrible image from what i believe to be 2005 at the mtv video music awards. every person looks so god damn awful, i dont even know where to start. frank’s jacket is so ill-fitting he probably stole it off a dead man, gerard’s in this whack ass velvet?? suit??? MIKEY’S SHIT IS SO WRINKLED are u fucking kidding me ....bob looks like a rejected member of pawn stars and tbh ray’s the only one holding this band together at this point

i cannot sleep at night knowing they truly went out like this, but let us continue. i must add the teal roots photo, that certain one, because i am doomed to remember it. the unique and horrifying combination of the neon teal roots, the foundation flashback, the red eyeshadow undoubtedly applied with grimy fingers, the shitty blazer with oddly placed sweat stains, the ugly tie....it’s a fucking DEATHWISH!!!!!! babey!!! what the fuck

i can only include three more photos and my rep would be ruined if i didnt add THIS nightmare. another mtv event, another sad outfit. ray’s outfit sux but being next to these freaks makes him look marginally better, but i wont forgive that skinny tie. gerard’s giving us very “bilbo baggins went to maragritaville in the winter” chic with that putrid tropical shirt and too-small jacket, and mikey??? is avril lavigne??? the juxtaposition of mikey’s huge tie and ray’s tiny one is so fucking jarring, and also his vest looks AWFUL 

i feel like i havent been harshing frank’s mellow much, but do not believe for one second that he hasn’t been dressing like shit since the dawn of time. nowadays he wears like 5 layers of shirts just to get his mail, but in the heyday of mcr he was Never presentable. the skeleton apron??? the jeans?? i cant even continue my life energy has been sapped from me

[suhmayzooka]

cursed child broadway, feb. 23, 2020

third time seeing cc in three months for one reason: my sister is, in her words, “in love with joey labrasca” (karl).  she thinks he’s absolutely perfect.  this past week i’ve endured her talking about how hot he is.  i mean, i’ve gotten quite a bit of good lily luna material for my fics now, but at what expense? did i need to know that joey’s (very mild) acne made him look handsomer? did i need to know about how deep his eyes are? did I?

i teased her about what she’d do if he wasn’t on, and she said she’d be so upset.  

we get to the theatre, i look at the cast…and james romney was karl.

my sister was shocked.  the love of her life, who most likely has forgotten about her existence, wasn’t there for what looks to be our final time seeing the year 2 cast.  she was devastated.

we also got to see antoinette robinson as hermione and tom patrick stephens as ron!  and sarita amani nash was myrtle!!  and kimberly dodson as polly!!

james!karl was great and i will bombard my sister with as much james romney content as i can in order to piss her off further :)

patrick du laney was the sorting hat and aaron bartz was the station master.  we actually saw aaron walking into the theatre as we waited outside for part 2.  he definitely has the draco swagger.

anyway let’s get to the good stuff!

~james snyder as harry! great as usual. i don’t think he did much differently than last time, or if he did it wasn’t very noticeable.

~diane davis as ginny – same w james.  i think she held on to albus longer when they hug in godric’s hollow this time?

~jonno roberts as draco: okay this guy singlehandedly inspired me to start a fic back in december (that has…….yet to be finished………) with how his draco and bubba’s scorpius behaved and this was no exception.  idk whether his mic got caught on something or if he was really bringing it all out, but when he shoves scorpius’s head against his desk in the dark world, he GROWLED the “you do NOT use her name in vain” line ???? i’ve never heard him say it like that, it’s usually more of a hiss.  idk how to describe how he said it other than “growl.” almost like an animal.

then when he said “do it safely, i can’t lose you too” he’s looking directly at scorpius.  it’s different from how i’m used to seeing him and closer how i picture him saying it; usually he’s looking away, like he’s afraid of showing vulnerability to scorpius.  but here, with him looking directly at him, and said with so much emotion and love, even in such a dark place…oOOF

he refused to let go of scorpius when they met again in godric’s hollow.  my heart…..always one arm around scorpius’s shoulders, or one hand on his chest, as scorpius clings on to him.

~kimberly!polly SMILED and giggled when she stepped in blood? “oh, potter, i’ve got blood on my shoe!” *delighted* and then as the staircase rolled away, she turned on her stomach to gaze down at scorpius, grinning flirtatiously.  this is my second time seeing her as polly, but from what i remember, katherine!polly wasn’t as sadistic in the dark au as she was.  i personally prefer kimberly!polly.

~sarita!myrtle!! like w kimberly!polly this is my second time seeing sarita!myrtle and i don’t really remember much about lauren!myrtle to compare, but sarita!myrtle was hilarious.  she got a round of applause just for appearing.  “girls….*turns around, stares directly @ albus* AND BOYS” *albus turns around, confused, as if she’s talking to someone behind him* UGHHH she’s so good and she’ll absolutely kill it as (main) polly, i can feel it.

~this was my first time seeing jack pravda as young harry! his voice is deeper than zell’s, and he was so adorably confused in the graveyard scene.  “why are there so many flowers?”

~antoinette!hermione was a lot less playful than jenny!hermione.  she does try for comedic effect, but she’s a bit more serious overall.  she was so scary in the first timeline!  when she waves her wand to dismiss the class and she’s standing all alone, she looks out with such a distant, despairing expression, then composes herself immediately. 

~tom!ron was very funny!  again, my issue with ron in cc comes down to how he was written.  he may have been relegated to shitty comic relief (why……is one of the first things he says……a fart joke…..?), but it’s up to the actors do what they can to flesh out some semblance of a likeable character from the bs that the script gave us.  and tom!ron was great!! he’s not as…dopey? dorky? as matt!ron, who’s very funny but a bit—childish? i guess? tom!ron feels more like an adult who still has a childish sense of humor, if that makes sense.

~ROMIONE.  watching a new take on romione was like falling in love w romione all over again.  tom/antoinette was a very loving pair.  jenny/matt tease each other a lot more, but tom/antoinette are more tactile.  their kiss was so sweet

~there’s hardly any love for sara farb’s delphi for some reason. i’m not sure why; her shift from delphi diggory to delphi riddle is so chilling. delphi diggory has a high pitched voice and is really goofy around albus.  scorpius absolutely hates her lmao.  as soon as she switches, her voice drops to a low growl and she’s downright terrifying.  i’m sad to see her go!

~WILL CARLYON.  is it possible to fall in love with the portrayal of a character in a handful of scenes? he’s got like five lines total but oh my god.  one thing a lot of people note about nicholas!albus is the way he’s so obviously a fourteen-year-old child.  will’s james sirius potter is SUCH a thirteen-year-old in the opening scene…it’s somewhat disconcerting watching this very-obviously-twenty-something-year-old man flap his arms going “WATCH OUTTT FOR THE THESTTRRAAAAAAALS” but it works? it’s believable?? he’s so close with lily luna.  this is my third time seeing him and every time he pretends to pounce on her and hug her during the thestral line i fall in love?? ginny scolds him and he is sheepish, but he won’t stop making the troll face at albus.  “SLITHERING SLYTHERIN STOP WITH YOUR DITHERING” *smacks albus*

~yeah i promised jsp content and i’m fucking delivering

~he’s sO excited watching albus get sorted. when the hat goes “SLYTHERIN” he’s absolutely shocked.  he’s confused.  he just stares at albus, confused, until yann (jonathan gordon, who once again gives us a delightfully dislikable yann) says some shit and james just turns to him and swats his hand at him.  he genuinely looked ready to fight yann.  i couldn’t tell but i think he tells him to stop?? it was hard to hear but his mouth definitely moved, i think to tell yann to cut it out.

~the scene with the students eavesdropping on mcgonagall’s meeting with the parents.  oh my god i don’t think he did anything that much differently than last time but i need to talk about this because i didn’t do it justice in my last recap.

~they sit on the stairs (iirc) top to bottom craig, yann, karl, rose, james.  i’m gonna ignore craig, yann, and karl since there are some serious family feels going on w rose and james

~jsp and rose begin the scene smiling, snickering as they hear that albus and scorpius fucked up.  “ahaha they got into deep shit” but then when they learn that they wrote rose and hugo (??whom??) out of time and then killed harry, their faces fall.  james’s eyes become vacant, far-off as he learns what happened to his brother.  his breathing becomes heavier and faster until he’s a few breaths from hyperventilating.  he leans his forehead against the stairwell/banister and shakes his head, mouthing/whispering “no…no…”

~nadia brown’s rose is such a little shit but she’s so good in this scene.  when she learns that she didn’t exist in the new timeline, she grabs james’s shoulder and he grabs her hand.  they don’t let go for the rest of the scene.

~i’m like half convinced that will got the part because of his amazingly expressive eyebrows.  i think my sister calls it “back row acting?” his eyebrows can probably be seen from the back row.  after the mcgonagall scene is over he sits on the stairs, raising one eyebrow at rose and hermione, then goes back to reading the scroll.

~i didn’t mean for this to become a will carlyon fan account but he deserves it.  according to nicholas he’s the biggest potterhead in the cast. he’s a ravenclaw. he can sing.  he’s so fucking valid and i’m so glad he’s staying for year 3.  he’s got two followers on youtube and one of them is me.  please guys like no one talks about him and i’ll fill this niche.  same with the lovely sarita. she’s so kind and so beautiful and so talented she can sing so well and she gives everything during wand dance listen i spent the beginning of this thing making fun of my sister for liking joey so much but sarita……..

~cc nyc said straight girl/lesbian solidarity  

~anyway…

~nicholas podany as albus.  so. Many. Tears.  i didn’t realize this before but his whole body trembles when he cries?? i first noticed this when he and harry were in the slytherin common room.  i was like “are his pajamas vibrating?? is this an optical illusion (they’re striped pajamas)???” no, his whole body was shaking with suppressed crying.  once i noticed i couldn’t un-notice and this continued for the rest of the show.

~bubba weiler’s scorpius didn’t seem much different from usual? i could go on about him but….that’s what my unfinished fic is for……one day……….

~okay so this is where i elaborate on the scorbus moments that made me want to YEET myself off the roof of the theatre (if you had to make sense of my typos on discord: i am Sorry)

~the slytherin dorm scene: scorpius tickles albus to wake him up.  he then makes himself comfortable on albus’s bed and won’t stop rubbing and patting his thigh.

~in addition to being austistic, bubba!scorp is bisexual (jon case would be proud) and here is PROOF: to flirt, bubba!scorpius leans against objects, sprawls his body out, plays with his hair, etc all extremely cheesy, greasy, suave moves.  he blows a kiss to polly as he’s sprawled across the stairs.  when he ROLLS down the stairs (looked painful…) to see rose at the end, he plays with his hair, shoots her a finger gun (further proof he’s bi), and lowers his voice.  but the comparison i need to highlight is THIS: when he says rose smells like bread, (1) he leans against the suitcases, trying to look suave, and (2) his face is instant regret. he silently bends back and mouths “WHAT WHY BREAD?? WHAT??? WHY???” and now…when he delivers his “ENGORGIMPRESSED” line to albus, he (1) leans against the sink, (2) grins, lowering his voice, and when the pun doesn’t land, (3) his face immediately falls, instant regret, the literal definition of “oH MY GOD WHAT WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT” the same expression he had when rose wasn’t impressed.  coincidence? i think NOT.  he’s trying so hard to flirt but he has no idea how to interact w people im --

~delphi in the church: when the adults have all surrounded delphi with their magic in the center of the stage, albus, ginny, and scorpius are huddled together. scorpius is behind albus, clutching his shoulder and hand.  albus breaks free for “SHE’S A MURDERER I’VE SEEN HER MURDER” (an underappreciated line imo) and scorpius just watches him, clearly wanting to help but not knowing how

~the final hug.  my initial, endorphin-fueled reaction was, verbatim: “THE FUNAL HUG NSCWR SEEN IR LAST SO LLNG NEVER SAW NICJ HUG HIM BACK NOSES ALMOST TOYCHONF.”  not even this is enough to convey my reaction to the final hug, but i’ll try my best to transcribe it.  

scorpius: runs up the stairs, grabs albus into a hug

albus: stunned for a moment, then wraps his arms around scorpius’s shoulders and hugs him back, burying his face into the crook of scorpius’s neck.  this is the first time i’ve seen him hug back, at least so fiercely.  they stand there for a good 3-5 seconds, then albus says, quietly, “what’s this? i thought we didn’t hug.”

scorpius, pulling back but still close to albus: “i wasn’t sure whether we should…” *looks up at albus, literal inches from his face* “in this new version of us…” *more gazing into each other’s eyes for a few seconds*

albus: “well…you better ask rose if it’s the right thing to do…” he sounded unsure? not as playful as before?

scorpius: *stares at albus for a few seconds* “a..aaha………..yeah right!”

he turns around and runs down the stairs.  albus goes “i’ll see you at dinner!” and scorpius turns around, smiles at him, and walks off, albus grinning and gazing so lovingly as he departs i’m gonna c r y

i can’t think of anything else to say about the show itself?  but my sister has given me a lot of material so i’m gonna talk about what went on with her because it’s relevant to our stage door interactions.

as we ate, she described how she would rewrite cc.  she has valid and absolutely invalid suggestions.  she would keep the father/son issues, make scorbus canon, remove or rewrite rose, and rewrite delphi’s backstory (valid).  she would remove the sorting hat and the dark timeline (not valid).  

during the intermission between acts 3 and 4, we started looking through the playbill and she started gossiping/venting about how much she hates the people in her school’s theatre (valid, since they’re bullying assholes).  i brought up a meme i sent her that i saw on twitter about how no high school theatre guys can sing, act, dance, and not be sexist.  somehow this discussion went back to nicholas podany? she was like, “i’ve been listening to his songs and deep blue is a low-key bop.” i asked if she heard his most recent song, telling myself.  she hadn’t and she immediately went to soundcloud to listen to it.  her reaction was PRICELESS.  she absolutely adored it.  she was dancing in her seat, going “okay this is actually really good??” like ofc it is? i don’t recommend bad songs? she tried to replay it but then her data ran out and the lyric theatre wifi is shit so she got very upset.  then the lights turned off and she reluctantly took out her earbuds.

there was a little girl (around 6-7ish, i’d say) in the very first row dressed as hermione for part one--complete with a doll and a broom.  for part two she was wearing a hedwig costume that looked homemade! she was very adorable, and bubba waved hello to her when he came for the curtain call.

stage door:

~sarita came out first! we told her that this was our third time at the show and second time seeing her.  i congratulated her on being cast as polly and she was so happy! dare i say…..loml

~tom and antoinette were so happy to have been the first cover romione we saw! tom was like “ah, you saw the best ron (himself)!” we were in front of a man from the uk who had seen the london show five times, and he and tom struck up a conversation about where they were from.

~nadia brown was so happy to see us! she didn’t remember us lmao but she’s so friendly

~edward james hyland (amos/dumbledore) was…politically campaigning?? the people in front of us were from vermont and he was like “ah…vermont…do you support bernie??” just like that.  they were caught off guard but i think they gave an affirmative answer, and he was like “and if he doesn’t get the nomination…?” they were still caught off guard and he just went “you’ll vote blue, right…? cause it’s the right thing to do….?” idk i’m firmly liberal but i thought this was a weird place to get political but okay

~EVERYONE was telling nicholas podany about how much they love telling myself.  he was telling the people in front of us about how it was mastered/mixed by solange’s producer(?) and my sister and i exchanged :0 looks.  she was getting shy, but i was like “tell him! he’ll love to talk about it, i guarantee it!” because even though i produce 0 content, i *am* an artist and i *do* know that we artists love validation

~so he came to us and she started talking about his songs! we’re fortunate that it was a more rock-y song so we’re…able to sound like we know what we’re talking about lmao.  growing up our mom would play us classical music (check out beethoven’s wig yo) and our dad would play us the ramones.  one of my earliest memories was arguing with my sister (probably around 4 at the time) about the lyrics to “i wanna be sedated” ahh… (she was correct btw)

~(don’t argue with me the ramones may not be poets but they’re valid)

~i was right! he was SO excited to talk to us!! my sister complimented the song and the production.  she said “i ADORE your new song!! it’s a high key bop!” and he broke into the BIGGEST smile.  she was like “i’m gonna play it until i hate it” and he said something along the lines of “i was in the studio listening to it nonstop for 8(??) hours i can’t stand it.”  he was talking about how he made the song with his “own scorpius” but i forgot who…he said scorpius and my mind blanked lmao.  he’s brought this person up before in interviews so i can probably find it.  she complimented the fact that it was different from his usual stuff and he told us about how he had a rock band in high school.  @nick where tf is your rock content pls deliver

~i actually spoke this time and cut in to tell him about how she was trying to listen to it on repeat but the signal gave out. she was trying to tell me to shut up but it’s my legal duty as the older sister to embarrass her.  

me: “I told her about your song during the intermission—”

her: “don’t!”

me: “no, nO, i told her and she was listening and then she ran out of data—”

him: “aaAa noo!”

her: “I listened to it!”

~then i told him that we loved seeing how he played albus and that we’re going to miss him, that we were going to see the cast change show but we couldn’t get tickets (i kindly left off the reason why), and he was so sweet about it *clenches heart* he told us how much he loves being able to experience this, that we’ll be so lucky to have james romney take over, etc etc i kinda wasn’t listening bc I was too emo, but I remember going “…but I don’t want to say goodbye…” and he just. gave me a sad look like “I know.”  there was so much pity in his expression.  why is he leaving us.

~the uk guy behind us was talking about how he’d seen the london year 3 and 4.  nicholas was like “oh, joe and dom? yeah i’ve spoken to joe and dom—wait, no, i haven’t met dom? i know he has an impressive social media presence” and they started talking about how different actors bring different things to albus and how the show allows them to explore different aspects to their characters and he just…wasn’t making any of this any easier for me lmao i’m mourning the loss of nick!albus and it’s not even march

~i feel bad that we weren’t able to speak with fiona reid (petunia/umbridge) because nicholas was talking to us.  

~jonno roberts.  this was the first time i’ve interacted w him at sd.  his draco has made such an impact on me, he’s my favorite actor in the show, and what do i say? what great words come out of my mouth? “hi you were great.” my sister KICKED me with her heeled boots. good thing i’m a lesbian because my doc martens protected my feet from the force of her anger.

~james snyder was enraptured in conversation with the people in front of us and just took our playbills to sign as he spoke with them. then he went “hi,” passed over us to talk to the guy behind us.  my sister was like “you were great!”

~tbh sd was kinda messy bc we were at the end of the line and the barrier things didn’t allow for the actors to get enough room to interact with the fans at the back. also jonno was standing there and he’s not a small man.

~saw several male actors leaving sd, waving goodbye at us and just walking away.  MOOD.  i was exhausted and i wasn’t the one running around on stage!