#... Doubts and vacillations...

[luminaryofblood]

Ya' know I keep pondering about the whole "The Lords Soul requires a vessel" thing, and, like...

It still doesn't add up -- like, from what I can tell, Marika did not have to go through that kind of a hassle when she became a god. And in hindsight, when it comes to Marika, Radagon, and Godfrey -- like, of those three, it kinda seems like Marika/Radagon are the ones serving as a vessel, and Marika/Radagon are both sharing a same body -- though they can split and act as two separate individuals if they so want.

At least as far as I can tell.

Which comes to Miquella and Trina, who essentially have the same thing going on as Marika and Radagon. But then Miquella discards Trina, and decides to do the whole vessel thing with Radahn/Mohg, who's supposed to be Miquella's consort in the same vein that Godfrey was to Marika.

"A lord will usher in a god's return, and the lord's soul will require a vessel."

Few can decipher the scroll, which describes the secret rite of the divine gateway said to be found at the tower enshrouded by shadow.

So... Few can decipher the scroll, but then it immediately gives us what is written in the scroll.

The thing is, the whole "Lords Soul requires a vessel" thing seems like it would summarize Marika/Radagon more than it would Godfrey...

... I don't know. I still can't make any kind of sense of that, because from what I can tell, Marika did not have to jump those same loops.

Could there have been a mistranslation of some kind, be it on the part of Miquella, or even Ansbach?

[hayatheauthor]

100 Dialogue Tags You Can Use Instead of “Said”

For the writers struggling to rid themselves of the classic ‘said’. Some are repeated in different categories since they fit multiple ones (but those are counted once so it adds up to 100 new words). 

1. Neutral Tags 

Straightforward and unobtrusive dialogue tags: 

Added, Replied, Stated, Remarked, Responded, Observed, Acknowledged, Commented, Noted, Voiced, Expressed, Shared, Answered, Mentioned, Declared.

2. Questioning Tags 

Curious, interrogative dialogue tags:

Asked, Queried, Wondered, Probed, Inquired, Requested, Pondered, Demanded, Challenged, Interjected, Investigated, Countered, Snapped, Pleaded, Insisted.

3. Emotive Tags 

Emotional dialogue tags:

Exclaimed, Shouted, Sobbed, Whispered, Cried, Hissed, Gasped, Laughed, Screamed, Stammered, Wailed, Murmured, Snarled, Choked, Barked.

4. Descriptive Tags 

Insightful, tonal dialogue tags: 

Muttered, Mumbled, Yelled, Uttered, Roared, Bellowed, Drawled, Spoke, Shrieked, Boomed, Snapped, Groaned, Rasped, Purred, Croaked.

5. Action-Oriented Tags 

Movement-based dialogue tags: 

Announced, Admitted, Interrupted, Joked, Suggested, Offered, Explained, Repeated, Advised, Warned, Agreed, Confirmed, Ordered, Reassured, Stated.

6. Conflict Tags 

Argumentative, defiant dialogue tags:

Argued, Snapped, Retorted, Rebuked, Disputed, Objected, Contested, Barked, Protested, Countered, Growled, Scoffed, Sneered, Challenged, Huffed.

7. Agreement Tags 

Understanding, compliant dialogue tags: 

Agreed, Assented, Nodded, Confirmed, Replied, Conceded, Acknowledged, Accepted, Affirmed, Yielded, Supported, Echoed, Consented, Promised, Concurred.

8. Disagreement Tags 

Resistant, defiant dialogue tags: 

Denied, Disagreed, Refused, Argued, Contradicted, Insisted, Protested, Objected, Rejected, Declined, Countered, Challenged, Snubbed, Dismissed, Rebuked.

9. Confused Tags 

Hesitant, uncertain dialogue tags:

Stammered, Hesitated, Fumbled, Babbled, Mumbled, Faltered, Stumbled, Wondered, Pondered, Stuttered, Blurted, Doubted, Confessed, Vacillated.

10. Surprise Tags

Shock-inducing dialogue tags:

Gasped, Stunned, Exclaimed, Blurted, Wondered, Staggered, Marvelled, Breathed, Recoiled, Jumped, Yelped, Shrieked, Stammered.

Note: everyone is entitled to their own opinion. No I am NOT telling people to abandon said and use these. Yes I understand that said is often good enough, but sometimes you WANT to draw attention to how the character is speaking. If you think adding an action/movement to your dialogue is 'good enough' hate to break it to you but that ruins immersion much more than a casual 'mumbled'. And for the last time: this is just a resource list, CALM DOWN. Hope that covers all the annoyingly redundant replies :)

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 

Check out the rest of Quillology with Haya; a blog dedicated to writing and publishing tips for authors!

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[unnamed-atlas]

Camping out in front of my window with my blinds open watching for snow <- delusional

[ivyjinna]

I abandoned here my flesh, my heart, my love, my doubt and vacillation

My everything.

Art print link:

[artmadval]

here i abandoned my doubt and vacillation 💜💔

[blaiddfailcam]

...Huh. Thiollier is seemingly the only other Tarnished to have arrived in the realm of shadow, yet instead of Miquella, he came in search of St. Trina.

St. Trina, who implores us to kill Miquella before he becomes a god...

Moreover, we were gifted the Spirit Summoning Bell by Ranni, under the instruction of "Torrent's former master." This was evidently Miquella, but... why would he call for the Tarnished if only to turn them away from his coming paradise?

But if St. Trina is Miquella's other half, and embodies his "doubt and vacillation," then perhaps it was actually she who gave Ranni the bell... After all, Ranni appears to have lulled Kalé and his donkey to sleep nearby, and one of her cohorts, Seluvis, was once familiar with another Tarnished who served St. Trina: Sleeping Arrow Dolores.

...Is St. Trina the real MVP of the entire goddamn game?

[insaeculaseaculorum]

We know Trina was fully aware that godhood would be a prison for Miquella.

The thing about prison is, you don't get what you want in there. You don't get to be who you want to be, or spend your life with your loved ones, or save anyone outside while you can barely save yourself. You don't get to avoid violence just because you have good intentions because violence is all around you and prison itself is part of a violent cycle that never breaks from within.

We know Trina was Miquella's other self, literally "half of the body". Surely Trina's knowledge used to be Miquella's knowledge too.

We know Trina thought Miquella must be killed and in fact instructed us to kill him. We know Miquella wanted to kill her too and in fact left her behind to bleed, wither and die, likely after having pushed her down a cliff.

When half of you and the other half took actions to kill each other, it's not murder. It's a suicide.

Many agreed the whole "no cost too great" mindset for ascension in the DLC felt very disconnected and disingenuous. Indeed Miquella showed no interest in becoming a god in the base game, since abandoning fundamentalism they have been more focused on materials - physical, tangible things rather than wrestling with concepts and philosophies. Instead of relying on their identity as an empyrean, they preferred using their own hands and knowledge to practice crafts as a sage and a scholar.

Then we were told what they thought of godhood via Trina. We followed their blood trail of literal total self destruction and reached the spot where they attempted suicide. We saw and heard them hold back a desperate cry when they said "I will become a god", alone in a memory space that's stripped of all colours.

Yet many still believed this was what Miquella wanted all along. I find that extremely unlikely.

Why abandon doubt and vacillation in the first place? If there weren't multiple alternatives to begin with, they wouldn't have had to abandon vacillation i.e. the inability to make a choice among two or more options.

We know for sure one of the options was to kill Mohg and use his body as a vessel to contain Radahn's soul to return as a god, which was what they eventually went with, although they didn't kill Mohg themselves.

It's very obvious that Miquella wouldn't want to go down this path. If you look at how they thought of Marika even after knowing about the Shamans:

(Count Ymir dialogue)

They despised her. It was unkind, given Shamans' history, but they were too angry to even pretend they had any compassion for her in front of Ymir.

Many people more or less sympathised with Marika after the DLC but even with the same knowledge Miquella's verdict was that Marika was simply wrong and insane, and she was the one to blame for everyone's pain that came after. This aspiring god of compassion, who sought to embrace all, couldn't embrace what their parents did. They resented her so much that they were determined to abandon everything they inherited from her, to give away every last strand of their flesh and bleed themselves dry, just to cut all ties with her, and her age of the Erdtree.

Even after the charm broke, the vengeful hornsent who was eager to kill all Erdtree denizens still fully acknowledged Miquella's redemption. This could not have simply been done by their charm.

Leda said to us:

A seduction and a betrayal. Hornsent grandam also spoke about being "betrayed" by Marika, who she referred to as a "wanton strumpet"; a low blow, at Marika's private history. Likely, Marika "seduced" a significant member of the Hornsents to gain protection, then forsook their soul and used their body as a vessel for her other partner, and it's therefore such a personal, despicable betrayal in Hornsent grandam's eyes. If it was irrelevant, she wouldn't have made such an emphasis on how Marika was sexually unrestrained.

Miquella clearly knew this. Whether they knew it was the only way to return as a god is another matter - I tend to believe Miquella only found the secret rite scroll later on - otherwise it wouldn't have been a secret rite (hidden in the corner of s secret library) for a sealed away tower hidden in the super secret shadow lands - and when they "spoke of the beginning", they only thought it was due to Marika's cruelty and insanity that she heartlessly used someone who fully trusted them for her ascension.

They condemned Marika so much that they tore their own body apart to show everyone their determination to never even come close to Marika's path, that they would be on the side of the downtrodden. As many have rightly pointed out, killing Mohg and using his body as a vessel would just be repeating Marika's doing which renders all their sacrifice and redemption pointless. Their promises to the Hornsents would become the biggest lie that haunts them for life.

No matter how they felt towards Mohg, they would for sure hate the idea of being even remotely like Marika, not to mention doing the similar deeds as her to ascend and return as a god. They also couldn't afford having their bloodline tainted again by themselves and having their future children think of them the same way as they now think of Marika. Think about all the omen children who would eventually figure out what happened to their father. It's not possible to rely on their charm (of which the extent of power was obviously limited) forever and ever. They came here to make things right, not to start another vicious cycle.

Naturally, one of the other options would be to not go ahead with the secret rite, although if they so choose, they'd be lingering in the LoS as half flesh half spirit forever, breaking their promise to Malenia that they'd return to her.

The vessel must be a sacred, horned body, and it must be emptied and refilled with a lord's soul. It's kept vague in the English version, but relatively clear in Japanese that the vessel and the soul need to be from two separate sources.

I don't think using Mohg's body as the vessel shows how indifferent or hateful they were towards Mohg - committing a thousand years' companionship with someone's body itself is incredibly sexually intense, and says something about their preference.

We can clearly see it from their attitude toward Marika that when they truly resent someone, they would not hide it, and they would want nothing to do with them. They also believe the ways they treat flesh and bones bear meanings and emotions. Abandoning their own flesh means cutting ties with their origin. Retaining Mohg's flesh should hold the same weight. There might be other options, but they'd rather it be Mohg's body that's by their side, if it must come to that.

Only the choice between two betrayals - two loved ones - can be so impossible.

In a way, Miquella mirrored each of their followers' qualities: they were academic like Ansbach, youthful like Freyja, charismatic like Leda, and determined to be the best in their craft like Dane.

They could also be hesitant like Thiollier, indecisive like Moore, and resentful like the Hornsent. This was when they faced the exact same questions as Moore:

Should I stay sad forever (about the fact that I must betray one of them) or put it behind me (do it, and get it over with)?

They had been choosing "I don't know" for so long that they eventually abandoned the very feature of vacillation itself to get it over with.

Now the new Miquella thought without doubt and vacillation, that maybe they could accept killing Mohg, and reviving Radahn's soul. They could betray the horned people a little for now and say a big sorry later. Mohg loved them so much that he would give anything they asked for anyway.

But they didn't actually kill him. I believe when Mohg was felled by the tarnished, Miquella's blood ran cold.

Entertaining the idea of betraying someone who wholeheartedly trusts and supports you and going against everything you believe in and represent is one thing, executing such a plan and staring into the aftermath is another. They were like those who joked about killing hundreds of people a day but in fact couldn't even make themselves shoot a cow.

Out of love and respect towards themselves, they thought it was best to die.

Even without the ability to think critically, the loss was simply too much to bear. They knew they must stop now, as they haven't managed to save anyone so far, and they wouldn't be able to save anyone if they carried on as they were even more dangerous than before. Hell, they didn't want to become a god to begin with, merely saying it out loud almost made them cry as a child.

I disagree whenever someone says Miquella was cruel. They were kind enough to decide they should spare the rest of the world from themselves.

But they failed at dying too. The thing that climbed up from the bottom of the fissure wearing Miquella's face, was not Miquella or Trina anymore. It was mindless, heartless, bodiless, and so very afraid.

The final boss was only titled "Promised Consort Radahn" & "Radahn, Miquella's Consort", instead of "Radahn and Miquella" for a reason.

The last remembrance only spoke about Miquella's innocent youth, a broken memory from when they didn't even know what asking someone to be their king fully entailed, as if the rest hundreds years of their life as a prodigy and a brilliant craftsman didn't exist, for a reason.

For Miquella was not there. Just like Mohg, Miquella's soul had also been torn into pieces and mostly forsaken by themselves. Descartes said "I doubt, therefore I am; in other words, I think, therefore I am." He was quite right.

Without doubt, vacillation, love and fear, without their very being, what exactly was there left?

Only blind ambition and violence, like every other power hungry man - as reflected in Light of Miquella - submit to him, or be annihilated.

This is why killing this last bit of them was mercy and forgiveness - Miquella themselves would have hated to exist like this. It would be cruel not to put them down. We were essentially their war surgeon in the end.

We reached their voice mail, a faint echo of them from yonks ago, stripped of all nuances. The lights were still on, but they would never be home again.

[nikethestatue]

I blame TikTok/BookTok for a lot of things, but one for the biggest disservices that it did to the general reading public was it popularized the idea of 'trope writing'. it's one of the worst things to ever happen in writing, and it's the low hanging fruit for those who have bastardized the whole romance genre. Grumpy and sunshine, age gap, single dad, enemies to lovers...The list is long and...boring.

Trope writing gives a blueprint to unimaginative stories and their proliferation in the romantasy and romance genre is what's making it a joke now. There are so many 'Court of' and any combo of the words of blood, roses', and stars and it's...well, it's this:

The problem with SJM's fandom and the shipwar as a whole is very kind of simple and sad at the same time.

A HUGE number of Gwynriels came from TikTok and learned about SJM on there, and they've been lied to this entire time. Because the thing is, SJM is NOT a trope writer. Sure, there are a few tropes in her books, but they don't drive her narrative. SJM is a STORYTELLER. That's what she is and those who found her before/outside of TikTok were drawn to the story and the characters, not ships.

We didn't read ACOTAR, and then ACOMAF for 'ships'. We read it for the story--we didn't know who'll end up with who and that wasn't the main reason why we read. We loved the actual world of Feyre and Rhys, of Tamlin of Prythian, of the IC and Hybern. It was interesting to read.

TikTok ushered in the 'trope revolution' where talentless and mediocre authors are churning out boring, unoriginal books that fit into these tropes.

SJM doesn't do that. And while I know it's way too late now, I wish Gwynriels understood that early on. I mean, they would've had to read the books actually, and not just look at IG and TikTok videos, but it would've saved them a lot of time and energy if they did. Because what they want is 'grumpy and sunshine' trope with Azriel and Gwyn. 'Friends to lovers'. 'Teacher and student'. That's why they've struggles SO HARD for 4 years to come up with an actual story for their 'Gwynriel book'. They vacillated between 'it's Azriel's book!' and 'it's about healing!' or 'they'll redeem Illyria', and then, when they couldn't really concoct much of anything, they decide to make Gwyn Starborn and they've been obsessing about her paternity.

The 'problem' with SJM is that she has a story FIRST, and then certain tropes fall into that story, but she doesn't start off with a trope and then build a story from there. Which is what GAs want and think she'll do. For Eluciens, the downfall is their belief that 'SJM is a fated mates writer'. They dug themselves into a hole, because 'fated mates' is a trope and it's pretty obvious that this is NOT where SJM is going with Elucien. They'd rather ignore every mention of the Cauldron being wrong, and falsely assume that none of it matters because well, but 'fated mates'!

What they all keep ignoring and dismissing is that Elain has a story of her own. Yes, there is a grumpy/sunshine vibe with Elriel, but that's not the driver of the narrative. The driver is that she is a Seer, and that she is Made, and that the Cauldron WAS WRONG, and that she doesn't like her mate but likes another guy altogether, and that Azriel is a mystery and a Shadowsinger, and we don't know what any of this means, and somehow, he is carrying a Made dagger and he gave it to Elain, and he is in love with her knowing that he shouldn't be, and he said 'i am getting her back' and he got her back....THAT'S the story that SJM is writing. And it's not your basic and boring 'grumpy and sunshine' trope.

I think when Elriels have doubts or see something on TikTok, they should remember this. SJM predates TikTok by over a decade and no matter how people try to spin it, she is NOT a TikTok writer. She is actually a talented and best-selling romantasy writer who wrote this:

“Fireheart. Fireheart, why do you cry?"

"Because I am lost. And I do not know the way." "You have been very brave. You have been very brave, for so very long. But you must be brave a little while longer, my Fireheart. You must be brave a little while longer, and remember..." Her mother placed a phantom hand over Aelins heart. "It is the strength of this that matters. No matter where you are, no matter how far, this will lead you home. It is the strength of this that matters, Aelin. The strength of this. You are my daughter. You were born of two mighty bloodlines. That strength flows through you. Lives in you. You do not yield. You do not yield.”

And she made us cry.

And then she wrote this:

“There you are. I've been looking for you.

His first words to me— not a lie at all, not a threat to keep those faeries away.

And she made us fall in love.

“Even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will always love you.”

[luminaryofblood]

Right, so I had no idea what sinistral and dextral meant and did a googling -- sinistral refers to the left hand - left handed. Dextral is right.

Alright. So Miquella abandoned both his arm sinistral and arm dextral.

But when we fight Promised Consort Radahn, he is... Curiously missing his left arm.

Recall the statues of the Haligtree. How the statues showed Miquella having an unusually veiny arm.

A post on reddit mentions how he watered the Haligtree with his blood, and speculated that he specifically watered the Haligtree with the blood from his left arm.

So his left arm represented his connection to the Haligtree.

During the final fight, his right arm returns, and it's with his right that he is embracing Radahn.

His left arm remains missing.

[mytypeismohg]

Playing Elden Ring again and starting thinking of some things about Trina, also about Millicent and Midra evolving/growing stronger due to pain.

"Silver sword of St. Trina, now stained the color of velvet. Inflicts eternal sleep. When St. Trina was abandoned, the faint, light-purple mists coalesced into an intoxicating deep-purple cloud."

Stained velvet? Deep Purple. Eternal sleep.

"A young shoot, heavy with velvety purple nectar. Material used for crafting items. Exceedingly rare to find. Said to burgeon forth where the nectar-like blood of abandoned Trina pooled."

Velvet and deep purple is Trina's blood.

Crosses site of graces.

Cerulean Coast Cross -“I abandon here my doubt and vacillation”

Vacillation: the inability to decide between different opinions or actions; indecision.

You can find the purple blood blossoms here too. Did Miquella abandon his doubt of abandoning Trina, or was Trina the embodiment of the doubt? Mostly, did Miquella began assaulting/mutilating Trina here? Is this how her blood pooled here?

Fissure Cross -“I abandon here my love”

I've seen some interpret this as calling Trina "my love" as a term of endearment, which could be also true, however Miquella is divesting himself of parts of his own being. Physical and emotional. Of course Trinas blood pools in various places inside the Fissure, as well as being stained on her face. Clearly Trina had a lower half in the trailer, so what happened?

So on sleep. Trina's sleep spell was not the same in the base game as the velvet eternal sleep in the DLC. The sword outright states this "deep purple mist" was created by her abandonment. Her gentle spell of lulling sleep is now an intoxicating mist which can be dangerous to some. More powerful and effective, but no longer harmless (mostly).

This is what Gowry says about Millicent once you have the option to side with her or not:

"If you happen to be present for the girl's fight with her sisters, I ask that you side with the sisters and kill Millicent. It must be done by your hand; no other. Millicent trusts you, rather deeply in fact. Sever that trust. Nurtured by betrayal, her bud will flower most vividly. When Malenia ascends to godhood, Millicent too shall be reborn. As a scarlet valkyrie."

Midra. Everyone remembers the "Endure". Endure the pain to ascend to power, perhaps? To evolve into something far more powerful and dangerous due to pain?

Trina has suffered both of these things. Physical pain and abandonment. I believe this is why her blood being spilled has changed her power so drastically. Yet her loving nature remains unchanged. I wonder if Trina was left to suffer could she have become something much worse, like Godwyn? Or is she holding it back? Enduring, but for everyone else's sake instead?

[catcas22]

A continuation of this (x). From left to right:

Miquella's Fears: The looming presence of the outer gods made flesh. Despite his menacing appearance, he carries Miquella's crushing fear of insignificance, the fear that all of his work could be swept away in an instant by the whims of those beyond.

Arm Dextral: The right hand symbolizes power, authority, and lordship. Perhaps unconsciously, Miquella always pictured this aspect of himself as an amalgam of Godwyn and Radagon -- never as himself. Perhaps that is the reason he wears the golden mask.

Arm Sinistral: The left hand is often associated with deception and underhandedness. One might expect its personification to be more, well, sinister, but Miquella's lies are never so overtly threatening. This one wears a smiling white mask and weaves poisonblooms into his hair, mimicking the manner of dress of a softspoken poisoner who once followed Miquella.

Miquella the Unalloyed: A very tired single father. While all of Malenia's offshoots look quite similar, Trina and Miquella are distinct in appearance. It follows, then, that the other aspects he shed would be similarly divergent. Perhaps this suggests that Malenia's psyche is more concrete, while Miquella's is prone to abstraction. Or perhaps Malenia's mind is simply a more harmonious place than her brother's.

Miquella's Heart: It was his heart that drove Miquella to fight for a new world, to forsake his birthright, to spill his blood, and to carve a safe haven from the snowfields. His most deeply held wish was to spare others from pain. He fashioned this one in the image of a protector.

Miquella's Eye: It was in treating his sister's affliction that Miquella first saw the limitations of the Order. When he donned the garb of a perfumer and the name of "Trina" to walk among Leyndell's discarded, he saw the cruelty of the Order. Despite all that came after, the boy who refused to close his eyes to the suffering of others endured beneath the burdens of lordship.

Miquella's Doubt and Vacillation: With every failure, Miquella found that he understood his mother better. He believed that he had seen the truth as a child, when her shining mask shattered and he beheld the monster beneath. Centuries later, he peered beneath the mask of the monster and found someone even more terrifying -- someone who he understood. Throughout his long pilgrimage, Miquella wrestled with a single gnawing doubt -- could a new world be achieved through fair means? Or would he be compelled to retread his mother's path to godhood?

[dyns33]

Only wastelands part 2

Here's part 2 of my Cooper Howard x Reader ! I think it will be a story in 4 parts at the end, but I'm not sure yet.

Tags : @one-of-thewalkingdead @coolrobloxkid28 @thebumbqueen @rachmari @ilyvia @justme12200 @honeybunhottie @savanahc @gobbodoggo @bisasterbisexual @killingboredom @bonafideyapper @i-simp-for-mha-men @pixelatedprofilepic @ultimatreality @chattersstuff @harmfulb1tch @hellolettuce444 @miketastic25

If Y/N had to pay Cooper one compliment, it was that he had been a very good teacher.

Months passed, years, and she survived the apocalypse perfectly on her own.

To avoid trouble, she hid her pitboy and her gender under a large coat and a Ranger mask. Some people made fun of her, thinking she was doing this to protect herself from radiation. Everyone knew that West Tek's hardware, or any of Vault's partners, was crap.

Y/N knew it, and that was why she always had Radaway on her. Not at all in case she saw Cooper again and he needed some.

Three years without any news, doing everything to avoid attracting attention, and she hardly thought about him at all.

If she sometimes looked at the photo of him before his turning, with little Janey, it was only to remember that she should trust no one in this rotten world. Never again, she repeated to herself.

It was with this spirit that she almost killed Lucy when the young woman fell on her. Literally.

Y/N was standing in a crater, calm, silent, holding her sniper tightly, ready to shoot her future dinner, when the little vaultie had jumped to escape a yao guai.

Her instinct not being often wrong, she knew that it was more urgent to kill the bear than the imbecile who had thought that surprising a shooter was less dangerous than confronting a beast.

Even though she had a gun, was covered in blood, and one of her fingers was a different color, little Vault dweler looked harmless with her big, naive doe eyes.

It was obvious that she had been outside for a short time. A true miracle that she is still alive.

"Thank you, thank you very much !" she repeated with a huge smile, as if Y/N wasn't pointing her sniper at her. "You don't know the week I just had ! My father was kidnapped, I wanted to save him, but I discovered that he was a murderer who had bombed a city, and all the people I met tried to kill me, and…"

"Hey. I don't remember asking you to tell me about your life, vaultie."

"Oh, sorry ! It's just that I got lost. I was with someone heading to a place called New Vegas, but a big monster pulled him into a hole, then this thing attacked me. You seem nice, and I could use some help…"

"No."

“Wait. But wait !” the girl begged, following her as she went to carve the yao guai. Not the best meat, but she had just wasted five bullets for that, and the noise had either scared away the easy preys or attracted the attention of the dangerous ones.

Y/N vacillated between ignoring Lucy and threatening her, asking her to leave, but after exchanging names, the vaultie seemed to have decided that they were now best friends and should stay together.

No doubt taking her savior's silence as an invitation, she continued to talk about what had happened to her, between her meeting with a man named Maximus, and the inhumane treatment she had suffered at the hands of a mercenary.

Completely incoherent, she ended her story by explaining that she had abandoned her potential boyfriend to go on an adventure next to the guy who tortured her, with the aim of finding her dad and discovering who had destroyed the entire planet.

It was quite funny, because Lucy reminded her a bit of herself before. Y/N wondered if Cooper had seen her like that when they met, a lost and stupid thing.

At the same time, the girl's reasons for living were the same as the Ghoul. Find a family member and take revenge on Vault. Amusing. Maybe they would be very happy together.

If we forgot the fact that Lucy thought that no one should be killed, that everyone was nice, and mutual help was a fundamental notion, to start again. Ugh.

"So, some free advice, if you want to avoid having your tongue cut out, remember that it is not a good idea for a little vaultie who grew up in a palace to give big moral lessons to people who have been doing what they can to avoid dying for years, sometimes centuries."

"Why do you call me that ? You come from a vault too, right ? My pitboy picked up yours."

"Hang on. I am a victim of the cruelty of politicians and businessmen, betrayed by my own country and only alive by luck, or bad luck. You are a little vaultie. Now get away before I strangle you."

Lucy continued to follow her. And Y/N could have killed her, she really could have. This wasn't her first rodeo. She had killed a lot of people for less than that. But she didn't really want to.

Maybe she had been alone for too long. Maybe she felt sorry for this girl, like Cooper had felt sorry for her.

A deal was found. If Lucy could keep her mouth shut, then Y/N would help her find her friends so she could resume her main quest. Their paths would then part ways, and everyone would be happy.

Especially Y/N.

Because if she often talked about her dear Max, the little vaultie didn't seem so eager to find her survival partner. This was understandable, since he had tried to kill her several times, shooting her, cutting off her finger, using her as bait, and selling her.

Compared to this guy, Y/N was a saint, an angel from heaven, the perfect friend. When she offered the girl a bottle of non-irradiated water, she seemed about to ask her to marry her.

“You must be the only person in all the wastelands with good water !”

"It doesn't come cheap. But… I made a promise."

“My lovely traveling companion forced me to drink disgusting water and eat a man.”

"Charming."

Even though she seemed sweet and pure, Y/N continued to be wary of Lucy, sleeping with only one eye open and waiting for the moment when she would try to stab her in the back. First rule, don't trust anyone.

It had happened before. Never again.

Even after three years, the wound was still raw.

It was only when she saw the fear and regret in Lucy's eyes that Y/N restrained her action, yet ready to plant her blade the moment she had shown her the photo, taken out of her bag, asking her if it was her family.

Cooper hadn't been her family. He had been an asshole, who had manipulated her, who had made her believe that he loved her, and that she could love him, before abandoning her like a dog on the side of the road.

"Be careful with this Maximus. Men never change. He will take what he wants from you, and you will be hurt."

“He’s not like that.”

"I didn't think Coop was like that !" she shouted, really getting angry for the first time at Lucy, who jumped. "Yes, I loved him ! I trusted him ! It was stupid of me and I will never make that mistake again ! I hope he died in a hole, alone and in pain !"

"… Can I throw the photo away then ?"

“Give that back !” Y/N said quickly, snatching the only souvenir he had left from her hands and putting it safely in her pocket.

Lucy's sad smile indicated that she wouldn't have destroyed the photo. How sorry she was, for having gone through her things, and for having caused her pain by forcing her to talk about this man who had been so important. Also that she was happy, to see that despite her speeches, Y/N still cared for someone, even if she didn't want to.

She had never told anyone about it. It had been a long time since she had said his name, except when she woke up from a nightmare, in the middle of nowhere, calling for him like a child.

Lucy continued to smile, because for her, there must be another explanation for her precious Coop's behavior. She continued to call him Coop, even after Y/N threatened to make her eat her rotten finger.

"I know you don't like talking about him…"

“If you know that, shut up.” Y/N muttered as she continued walking towards New Vegas, trying to ignore the stream of words from the stupid vaultie, bingeing on romance novels and patriotic films.

"From the few things you agreed to share, Coop cared about you. He protected you, he taught you to defend yourself, he gave you a picture of his daughter. For me, this are proofs of love. Actions speak louder than words."

“He promised to come get me and I’m still waiting.”

"Wrong ! You left, you know how to hide perfectly, and you do everything to avoid him ! So, maybe he's been chasing you all this time and you don't know."

"What I do know is that the main clause of our deal was that you would stop talking so much, especially if it was to give such ridiculous and inappropriate advices."

They finally arrived at their destination after several weeks of walking. No sign of Lucy's friend on the way though. Perhaps he had died, or had not continued on his own.

It was clear that he wanted to use the daughter of vault 33 overseer to achieve his ends, and now that he had lost her, there was no point.

The city amazed the girl. It was the first real city she discovered, instead of those piles of ruins full of dust and vermin that were found in the four corners of the wastelands.

Her enthusiasm almost made Y/N laugh. A bit like how she had often made Cooper laugh without meaning to.

Damn, she needed to stop thinking about that bastard so often. Her mother was always saying that we manifest things through emotions and thoughts.

Her poor mother, long dead, but who had always been right.

As soon as her eyes landed on him, Y/N was crouched behind a wooden crate, watching Cooper Howard, fucking Cooper Howard, sitting near the casino, seemingly waiting for someone.

Seeing her, Lucy began to ask her what she was doing, her gaze following hers, and then the reaction was strange. Everything about this girl was strange anyway.

She started to smile.

Worse, she waved an arm at the Ghoul in greeting, opening her mouth to get his attention as she realized it wasn't enough, his cowboy hat falling over his face.

Y/N quickly grabbed her arm to pull her towards her, asking her what she was playing.

"It's the mean bounty hunter who accompanies me !" she replied happily, as if everything was normal.

For a moment, Y/N wondered if Lucy was making fun of her. If from the start, this was just a horrible joke against her, the continuation of a torture started in this seedy bar.

Then she told herself that if someone made fun of her, it was just fate.

Because she remembered that she had only described Cooper, continuing not to have any particular interest in his condition as a ghoul, and with her goodness as a jug, Lucy had not wanted to reduce him to his appearance either.

The difference was that he didn't give his name to his new pet.

“I knew you were an idiot, but not that much.”

"What ? Why ?" Lucy wondered, slightly offended and trying to free herself.

"You can't trust him. You already know that, why do you want to go back with him ? Look… I can help you find your father, okay ? Find Max. Whatever you want, but let's avoid this bastard and let's leave quickly."

"Golden rule. We said we would wait near the casino, he's there, I'm not leaving him."

With this serious look, the vault dweler would almost have looked frightening. Almost. It was mainly because it was obvious that it was impossible to reason with her that Y/N let her go, not waiting for her tirade about great friendship and the need to stay together to run as far as possible.

If Cooper noticed them, she didn't give him time to really see her, nor to catch up with her or shoot her.

Y/N didn’t turn around to check. Not because she was afraid of him chasing her. But because she was afraid that not only would he not pursue her, but she would also see him with Lucy.

Because even though he had tortured her, insulted her, threatened her… He was in front of the fucking casino waiting for this girl. And it really hurt.

[eldintower]

i truly think there is something quite compelling about miquella abandoning all of his fears at the culmination of all he's worked for and in that moment imagining malenia- fearless malenia- and all his doubts & vacillations- steadfast malenia- like malenia being what miquella is trying to reach in becoming a god. and of course the other way around- "he is the most fearsome empyrean of all". i think when faced with a loveless miquella and miquella's shed love, malenia would not even think twice. she would choose miquella. Ugh god. and as miquella shed parts of himself, so to does malenia (although i think millicent is different from trina. a new form of life. the swamp of aeonia as a giant receptacle/rot crucible- she's like the rot equivalent of a jar gestalt baby. plants growing in pots lol). forever mirrored. and when miquella is god for a moment, malenia is god in an age that will come in time as the rot spreads further and further past the burning wall into limgrave. Gah!!

[stayfortwominutes]

📝 All in Your Mind | Jeongin

disclaimers; cursing*, female pronouns, written from third person perspective, pet names, self-doubt; no depictions of the members' personalities, actions or thoughts reflect their true character.

pairing; jeongin x pregnant reader

synoposis; the result of exhaustion and stress clouding jeongin's mind is a dismal view on reality.

content; office worker!jeongin, one-sided misunderstanding trope, angst, fluff, comfort, married, slice of life | word count; 2.3 k

song recommendation; "mariah carey - all in your mind"

jeongin is haunted by that one image all day long.

the image of y/n. a deer in headlights, caught in the doorway as she tried to quietly scamper - more so hobble, due to her current state - from their bedroom at two-thirty in the morning. her wide eyes were glossy, her cheeks glistened pearlescent with tears that cascaded down to her jaw, and her chest was slightly heaving.

the scene was vividly imprinted in his mind. not to mention a duffel bag gripped tightly in her left hand. a shirt sleeve was caught in the zip and stuck out like a sore thumb.

naturally, jeongin would have rushed to her side to comfort her, but instead he feigned ignorance. he simply rolled over, his back then faced the door as he let sleep consume him. 

that morning, he finished up his breakfast and smoothed his suit in the full-length mirror as normal. his gaze focused on the bag stuffed full to the seams that now sat in the corner of their bedroom; the sleeve having been tucked away. an undeniable tension lingered in the air; a suffocating silence replaced the couple’s usual lively morning chatter. 

the only acknowledgement between the pair was when jeongin stood in the entryway, as he and his wife exchanged a routine goodbye hug and kiss. when he took y/n in his arms, he gave her a cautious, gentle squeeze before placing a light peck on her lips. it was a meagre effort resultant of the guilt that festered in the pit of his stomach.

he had to be honest with himself, the current demands of his office job had him exhausted. this exhaustion left him little to no time to even process his own emotions. work had intensely preoccupied his mind for the last week, sapping him of all his energy and consequently, he felt himself growing emotionally distant from his wife.

jeongin’s gradual aloofness was surely a strain on their relationship. it wasn’t that he took out his stress on y/n, but that he became a shadow of the person he used to be. he was recoiling into himself, shutting out everything that wasn’t work - unfortunately that included y/n. 

a myriad of thoughts raced through his head, manifesting into a dull ache. seeking relief, he brought his right thumb and index to his temples, trying to massage the stress away before it had a chance to morph into a splitting migraine. a lonesome feeling settled in his heart along with the combined sediments of remorse and weariness that had slowly piled up.

“assistant manager, yang? you’re needed in meeting room three.” 

a bright intern called for jeongin from down the hall, breaking him from his trace. a despondent sigh rose from the depths of his chest, as he stood up from his desk to pull on his jacket. 

the remainder of the workday flew by, and fortunately for jeongin, his team successfully wrapped up their project. so successfully, they finished it three days ahead of schedule. ergo, a celebration was in order, and their team leader summoned everyone for an afterwork dinner.

jeongin was never a fan of these dinners, often times coworkers ended up blind drunk, senior employees boasted about their “achievements” – that came from exploiting their juniors, whilst others miserably recited their woes to one another.

conflicted, he momentarily vacillated between having to upkeep his professional façade as he joined in with his colleagues or, returning straight home to confront the bleak reality that relentlessly plagued his mind.

reluctantly, jeongin let himself be ushered along with the procession of his fellow office workers that were headed off to a nearby restaurant.

as the group took their seats at the conjoined tables, jeongin silently cursed to himself having to be sat at the front end near their team leader. he prayed his displeasure had not bled onto his face.

jeongin became preoccupied with his phone, as it buzzed in his jacket pocket. he held it in his lap, covering it from the view of wandering eyes as he peered at the most recent message from y/n.

jeongin: we’re having a team dinner to celebrate the end of the project. i’ll be home late. make sure to eat, don’t wait up for me. y/n: oh… i’m making your favourite, soybean soup. i’ll put yours in the fridge for tomorrow. have a good time, be safe ❤

a pang of guilt surged through his chest, but he brushed it aside, muting the little voice in the back of his mind that urged him to go home.

“mr. yang, how nice of you to grace us with your presence.”

slipping his phone back into his pocket, jeongin looked over at the team lead, mr. song. the older man brandished his grotesque golden smile, the edges of his teeth blackened like charcoal from years of smoking.

jeongin flashed a polite smile, veiling the grimace he often sported when engaging with mr. song and his brutish behaviour.

“i thought a drink with everyone would be a good way to lift the spirits, after all this hard work we’ve been through.” jeongin simply responded, ignoring the snarky undertones of the older man’s previous comment, and taking a sip of his water.

“here, let me pour you drink,” mr. song offered, but jeongin courteously reached for the alcohol instead.

“i don’t drink, my wife doesn’t like the smell.”

mr. song scoffed, but accepted as jeongin filled his glass to the brim. “suit yourself.”

soon after, everyone settled down as various dishes began to line the table, and mr. song proposed a toast: congratulating all staff, rather insincerely, for their efforts.

the evening eventually crept in, and jeongin sat amongst his coworkers, drifting between conversations, but never really paying attention to any of the topics.

“yang,” a silenced sigh emitted from jeongin as he mentally prepared himself for whatever the team lead would shoot his way.

“yes, sir?”

mr. song loosened his tie, draping an arm over the back of his chair, before taking a vigourous swig and emptying his shot glass.

jeongin moved swiftly to refill the cup, wishing his senior would fall drunk and stop bothering him.

“must feel good to wrap up another project so quickly. you’re lucky to have me to guide you.” 

“i couldn’t have done it without my team, they work hard, sir.” he replied in a seasoned manner.

after years of the same repertoire of narcissist self-praise, jeongin knew that any comments were always motivated by the chance to undermine him for his success at such a young age.

the older man continued, “now it’s over, i’ll have to find another reason to avoid my wife.” he cackled as he took another shot and pushed the glass back in jeongin's direction.

“oh right, don’t you have a kid on the way?”

jeongin hesitantly nodded, unsure of his senior's intention in raising the topic. “yes, my wife is five months along.”

“you’re so young, and you’ve already set your prison date,” mr. song callously groaned, beginning to slur his words. “all that freedom gone! but don’t worry, these team dinners are a great time to be single again.”

the last comment had jeongin clenching his jaw. he continued smiling as awkward chuckles were exchanged between the other workers in ear shot. sickened by the attitude and souring atmosphere, jeongin downed the last of his water.

“yeah, and that’s why his first wife divorced him.” the voice of the other assistant manager indignantly piped up before a wave of laughter erupted. mr. song was already slouched back in his seat, unable to rebut; face glowing red as the alcohol diminished his senses.

“i’ll be taking my leave,” jeongin muttered through gritted teeth, excusing himself from the dinner. he stood in front of the restaurant, checking his phone for the time: seven-fifty, it read.

he hastily typed: “i’m coming home, i miss you,” and hit send before putting his phone away to hail a nearby taxi.

throughout the twenty-minute journey home, jeongin continued lamenting over the situation he’d left at home that morning. when the driver pulled up to a red light, a few minutes’ walk from the couple’s home, jeongin hurriedly paid, cutting his trip short upon noticing a flower stall still open late at night.

he scurried out of the taxi, and over to the vendor, requesting all the leftover flowers. the old lady running the stall was pleasantly surprised at the late custom, but happily set to wrapping up the bouquet.

“whoever it’s for, i’m sure she’ll love it! now go on home.”

handing several bills and an extra tip for the older lady’s warm hospitality, jeongin quickened his pace, his heels hot as he got closer and closer to the apartment block. his impatience got the better of him, as the elevator was stuck at the higher floors, seeming to stop at every level.

“fuck this,” he hissed, and made his way to the stairs. skipping every second step, the wind was knocked from him as he reached the front door.

jeongin frantically punched in the passcode, his initial anxiety overwhelmed by the adrenaline that coursed through his veins.

immediately, when he clambered into the quiet apartment, he was met a daunting suspense that he believed would swallow him whole.

y/n was stood blankly in front of the stove, her swollen ankles clad in compression sleeves, and her shoulder shaking a little. jeongin noticed her phone on the table, his recent message still unread.

“honey, i’m home.” he gently called out, and saw the way her whole-body jolted, startled by his unexpected return. y/n made no effort to turn around, rigidly continuing to stir the pot in front of her.

“welcome home, did you eat? it’s almost ready.” jeongin hurried over to her side, setting the flowers on the table to engulf her in a loving embrace.

“i couldn’t bear the thought of you eating alone. listen, for everything that’s been going on, i’m so sorry. i was struggling to handle work; i promise i wasn’t shutting you out on purpose.” he earnestly confessed.

y/n turns to her husband, nuzzling her face against his chest as her arms encircle his waist. focusing on the soothing rhythmic pump of his heartbeat, the couple stood swaying together in unison, holding onto each other as if life itself would end once they separated. jeongin pulls back to pepper delicate kisses over y/n’s face, a wholehearted smile broke out on her face – oh, how he missed her crescent eyes and cheeks rounded with glee.

“here, sit at the table, and i’ll serve it up.” jeongin gingerly guided y/n to the dining table and donned her apron over his work suit.

y/n’s watchful eyes followed him, softening at the return of his thoughtful gesture. she fiddled with the bouquet, caressing the petals and smelling each flower, her smile only grew wider with fondness.

jeongin placed a bowl of hot soup and rice in front of her, then slid into the seat beside her. his eyes filled with adoration, as he took a quick sip of the soup – the homely taste warmed his soul.

“let me,” he insisted, taking a napkin, and draping it over y/n’s bump – she often spilt food, a clumsy trait she’d developed with the change in her body shape.

jeongin took the spoon, briefly blowing over it before bringing it to y/n’s lip. she followed his directions, opening her mouth to accept more food and relishing in the abrupt onslaught of pampering.

“i’m not a child, you know.” she quipped cheekily, “but you’re carrying mine and i should be helping you a lot more often than i have been.”

jeongin flushed a shade of red akin to the roses on the table, thinking back to his negligence for his wife’s current state and yet having acted so indifferent.

“innie, is something wrong? i heard you did well at work today.”

y/n’s right hand came up to tenderly cradle the side of his face, he melted into her touch. that was when the first tear fell, and she instantly thumbed it away. her husband shuffled closer to her, feebly placing his head against the curve of her neck.

“please… don’t leave me,” he croaked.

“why would you ever say that?” y/n quizzed, perturbed by his desperate plea.

jeongin leaned back to sit upright, gathering his wife’s hands in his.

“i saw the bag you packed, the tears this morning too.  i promise i’ll do better.” his saddened eyes and the downturn of his lips drew anguish in y/n’s heart.

“darling, i think you misunderstood something. that bag is for the baby, i wanted to pack my essentials for the hospital ahead of time. don't you remember buying it with me?” his wife chuckled as a bewildered expression painted jeongin’s face.

“a-and the tears?”

“i had terrible hayfever last night, and i know you’ve been working hard to finish your project, so i thought i’d leave the room. i didn’t mean to wake you, silly.”

jeongin was overcome with an incredulous sense of relief, he had spiralled making the reality of the situation in front of him murky.

“i’m not sure what you were thinking, but maybe it’s time to shut off your mind. go take a bath, and we can relax together on the couch together.” y/n reassured him.

affection poured from her eyes as he stared back at her. comfort seeped from her gaze to envelop his anxious soul and laid to rest the flurrying burdens of inadequacy and self-doubt that burgeoned in his own heart.

“i-i was worried i made you feel unloved and that’s exactly the opposite of what i vowed when i married you.” the heavy sigh had his shoulders rattling as it escaped him.

“never, innie. i know sometimes you get caught up in yourself, so don’t forget, i’m here to listen.” y/n held her arms wide, beckoning her husband back into her embrace. she placed soft feathery kisses against his temple while her fingers carded through the tangles of his black velvety locks.

“i love you,” jeongin hummed against the bare skin of her neck, causing her to giggle at the ticklish sensation.

“and i love you. always have, and always will.” 

consider reading more: masterlist

© stayfortwominutes ; september 11, 2023.

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა note; this was a self-indulgent innie fic, and unintentionally based on the theme of mariah's song - all in your mind. the idea originally came to me when i was thinking back to some of the outfits and skits they prepared for their SKZ code episodes. i am trying to remind myself that i am writing as an outlet, not for perfection, so instead of aimlessly keeping this in my drafts, i thought i should post it. please enjoy!

[kingofpuppets]

elden ring dlc spoilers

since i could not find it transcribed anywhere, here’s what ansbach says about the miquella’s crosses you can report to him

Belurat, Tower Settlement Cross

I abandon here my arm sinistral.

Sir Ansbach: “As suspected, Kindly Miquella has visited the lands which hold the tower. And appears intent on wholly dispossessing himself of his flesh. He must be seeking entrance to the tower of shadow.”

Scaduview Cross

I abandon here my eye.

Sir Ansbach: “I can hardly believe it, he’s divested himself of his very eye… Tender Miquella’s eye is no mere morsel of flesh. It is a vessel of soaring grace. Proof of his Empyrean lineage. I wonder, does Miquella the Kind intend to sever his very birthright? His fate as a child of the Erdtree?”

Cerulean Coast Cross

I abandon here my doubt and vacillation.

Sir Ansbach: “To think there was a cross left in such a faraway place… And that deep purple water lilies would be blooming there. This can only mean Kindly Miquella has divested himself even of that… His adoring other self, his blossom of slumber.”

as far as i know, these are the only three you can report to him before he moves to the storehouse in shadow keep, where you can no longer report to him.

also, because i could not find it transcribed anywhere either,

After the breaking of Miquella’s charm

Sir Ansbach: “Kindly Miquella has discarded his Great Rune. The fog that vexed my aging faculties has been lifted. And follies better left forgotten haunt me once again. Once, in an attempt to free Lord Mohg of his enchantment, I challenged Tender Miquella, only to have my own heart rather artfully stolen. I knew not how weak I was. I believed that with sufficient mastery, even an Empyrean would be within the reach of my blade. I could not have been more mistaken… Miquella the Kind… is a monster. Pure and radiant, he wields love to shrive clean the hearts of men. There is nothing more terrifying.”

If spoken to again: “Righteous Tarnished. Miquella the Kind makes my blood run cold. I am loath to admit it, but even at this very instant I wish to run very far away indeed.”

[valehour]

been idly discussing this with a friend, and generally just kind of ruminating on the DLC's final boss and end story and how mad it made me. so consider this significant rewrite to make the story more like I think I now want it to be because my opinions are obviously important """fix""" to the story.

What if the Miquella's lord was just- the player character, not Radahn?

(Full (and Extremely Long) justification under the cutoff)

this is born from my previous thought/rant on the fact that the player isn't given a motivation to actually oppose Miquella within the game itself.

By contrast, the player being the potential Consort of Miquella necessarily helps solidify the conflict around Miquella's Age of Compassion, and the player's place in it.

the Fundamental nature of Miquella in this DLC is that, ultimately, Miquella's love is amoral, stretching the full range from compassion to overtly abusive manipulation. one of the most evocative descriptors of Miquella's love is that it is "Terrifying". That feels like it's a fundamentally punchy, heavy thing for the player to wrestle with. The Age of Compassion is something that the War-torn Lands Between so clearly needs, it needs peace, and love, a more gentle place to cope with the trauma and the suffering and the Ruin, not merely from the Shattering, but the world that preceded it. but it's being created and enforced by a "terrifying", manipulative Cult leader (for want of a better term) who's channeling a very "All Shall Love Me And Despair!" energy.

There's a familiar throughline created by this- the player (both as the Tarnished, and as the Player has a particular impression and idea of Miquella, one who ultimately promises and provides salvation. As we advance through the story of the DLC, we increasingly learn the truth behind what that means- who Miquella is and the full extents of the implications presented.

The biggest moment in regards to this, is, of course, the Approach and descent into the Fissure, and the one of the most important parts of the story.

"I abandon here my doubt and vacilation"

"I abandon here my love"

"Kindly Miquella. I see you've thrown away... Something you should not have. Under any circumstances. How will you salvation Offer... to those who cannot be saved? When you could not even save your other self?"

Miquella's pursuit of godhood has excised St Trina, who appears to have fundamentally dissented Miquella's deification, as it's her, delivered through sleep, who tells us that we shouldn't side with him, but kill him, instead.

This Feels spiritually adjacent to something like encountering Darkstalker Kaathe for the first time, and hearing his side of the story, an argument for The Age of Dark. but, as far as I can tell, this doesn't actually matter. Knowing that St Trina values preventing Miquella's Age of Compassion means nothing in the game, it's just an explanation as to why she was ditched halfway across the realm of shadow in a pit . But the argument St Trina raises, the doubting of Miquella's agenda means nothing because the final confrontation with Miquella is not born from the player's decision to reject the Age of Compassion, it's born from someone on the Fromsoft Dev team needing to put a final bossfight into the DLC.

it's this that forms the main Issue with the ending. The Player is forced into a passive role- the story happens To them, not Because Of them. the "choice" given by the game mechanics is to "Fight Radahn", or quit the DLC. but while the second one is technically a valid resolution to not opposing the Age of Compassion. It really isn't in any practical metrics because, well, That's not actually narrative resolution- putting a book down halfway through does technically end the story, but it doesn't resolve any of the plot threads or conflicts that the audience is expected to engage with- it stops abruptly and unsatisfyingly, told that we're not supposed to care about those plot details- Literally just the "it was all a dream" ending, but punching through the fourth wall. Simply Stopping Engaging with it isn't narratively satisfying for any work who's resolution isn't designed around the idea of putting the story down. and SOTE quite unambiguously isn't designed around that. So even if we view it as "an" ending, it's still fundamentally a bad ending.

but fighting Radahn is also narratively unsatisfying as an ending simply because of the fact that it's DLC- there was no space or time to establish or set up this plot thread or idea that Miquella and Radahn had any relationship or meaningful interactions in the base game (which, fair enough, it'd've bloated the main game which already has a lot to say and discuss in regards to it's own story). but without the idea that Miquella and Radahn actually interacted, this "reveal" is unsatisfying because like. Why should we care? Why Radahn? many other people have commented that Godwyn would be a better fit, but regardless, I think it still doesn't really address the underlying problem- The Player is a passive actor in this story.

So then 9+ paragraphs later, we get to the actual proposal of this unhinged rant essay:

What if the player, due to being tarnished, became the Consort of Miquella, much like one becomes the Consort of Marika and thus Elden lord in the age of fracture. Tarnishedness is a status that can apparently be conferred and withdrawn, and is not, in fact, a limiting factor in lordship (given you can become Elden lord regardless). Not to mention that being opposed to the present order, why should Miquella care as to whether or not the Golden Order values tarnishedness or not? Additionally, Miquelladahn already has an attack where he bewitches you (his grab attack), and should he successfully accomplish it twice, provides an instant game over due to your newfound love and affection for your new God.

This confers the advantage that now the player an active participant of the story, allowing them to choose, for themselves, whether they embrace or reject the Age of Compassion. it's the question posed by the ghost in the Fissure: "How will you salvation Offer... to those who cannot be saved?" Opposition is largely fronted by Ansbach (who resents the use of Mohg in this ritual. Which like. Me Too Buddy.) and St Trina, who fears that Miquella will become "trapped" by godhood, much like Marika was. but now the player can also decide for themselves whether or not to Oppose Miquella. maintaining a Hard-as-fuck bossfight as a result of refusal also creates a rather fascinating ludonarrative tinge to the amorality of his love, and it's most villainous side- after all, if he valued a gentle place, why does he support Radahn ultimately destroying you? Clearly, his world order is at least founded on the same violence that everyone else's is. it's a Fascinating argument against pacifism, calling out it's hypocrisy- that in truth, peace is violent, born from crushing those who ultimately oppose it- the police- The State's armed body do not enforce "The peace" by beating bankrobbers in a debate, only by beating bankrobbers. It's a strong argument against meekly accepting the shape of the world and one's part to play in it- that one ought to stand up for themselves against someone else's will, that one should fight for one's own world.

It's an argument, effectively, in favour of the worldview supposed by Ranni The Witch, who is arguably one of Miquella's strongest narrative foils. She used a shocking act of violence (the assassination of Godwyn) as a tool of liberation, to overthrow the order imposed by another. the shape of society shall not be determined by militarist-Faith, or a cult of adoration, but by self determination, the power to pursue one's own ends. Ranni and Miquella both have love play a part of their quest, but whereas Ranni spurns and fears love, maintains a cold exterior in favour of her duty- keeping the power of the Greater Will distant from the world- that the player must actively pursue and be willing to share the burdens of the thousand year journey into the chill night- a choice and a sacrifice you have no obligation to actually make- but you choose to do out of love, a willingness for, just a moment, Ranni to be truly vulnerable, share her past and her beliefs. But, Ranni's world, for all it's freedom, guarantees none of them, guarantees no true success, that people would actually be free, only that they be free to choose. what stops great warriors from simply founding a new kingdom, a new empire? Are Crowns not warranted by strength, after all?

Miquella, by contrast would build that peace, build it so intensely, that it feels obsessive, maddening. You drown you in it- drown in his Peace, his Love. You can choose to agree with him- because the world should be more gentle, more kind, more loving. This war has gone on too long, the cities in Liurnia are sinking into the ground, Leyndell partly buried into the ash of a failing world order. Stormveil suffers under a mad tyrant-king, the Albinaurics oppressed for the "sin" of their birth. Where are the people? Where is harvest and harvesthome? Miquella's peace, Miquella's love can give it to you.

but if you refuse to serve leally, if you refuse to submit, refuse to build his peace. Well, you join the corpses scattered about the divine gate. you walk in again. Godling Miquella asks you once, again, in a voice polite, courteous, filled with love and civility. to join him. You refuse, and he and his servants, be it the resurrected Radahn or some original boss crushes you again. And Again. it hurts. the pain of asserting your boundaries, your body, to refuse to give in to the world he'd build. it'd be so easy to submit.

Miquella would love you, to the best he was capable. and after all, what's the alternative? marrying Marika into an Age of Fracture? perpetuating the age of an obviously flawed Golden Order as it continues to decline? Or is it a more inclusive order- that welcomes those who live in death? It's reactionary principles jolted forward in a moment of tolerance. But Fia's hallowbrand doesn't save the Albinaurics, though- only Those Who Live In Death. It's still a bigoted, reactionary order, making a concession to what is explicitly framed as a social minority only because it's literally written into the laws of reality.

Is the failure of the Order that the gods were not held accountable to it's principles? But Ranni didn't want to be an Empyrean. Didn't want to be someone with explicit fertility-childbearing metaphors. her freedom is in many ways a story of fighting that selfsame Order, the literal Laws Of Reality in the name of her bodily autonomy and her self expression. but that was only because she was not held accountable to The Order, because she could dissent. Don't you see Tarnished? Is this pursuit Not Flawed? But he could fix it. and He would, he would save people To the best of his ability. Miquella loves you and he suffered Apotheosis to save you. But what happens to those who Cannot be saved because they Refuse to be saved. For Miquella Loves you and Suffered Apotheosis to Save You. But only if you submit to his shape of "Being Saved". and If you don't? Well, the Swords of the Haligtree will sever parts of you until you can.

Or I guess we could have what we actually got where we show up and Radahn immediately throws hands for unclear reasons with someone he's seen for like 3 seconds, in a game that fails to like, explain a motivation as to why the player is fighting Miquella aside from "Because the DLC needs a final boss" with his admittedly sick as fuck wrestler intro for a plot thread that has left at least a few fans with more than a sour taste in their mouths. Myself included. Hence the essay. Anyway, if you finished reading this, congratulations. :D