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faroutspaceman-blog · 6 years ago

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My weekend so far. . 1/2 -1/4/19

My weekend starts off on Wednesday because quite frankly I can't remember what I did Monday or Tuesday. Those days are now non-existent. Forever lost in the trash bin of my deep ugly brain. Here I am laying on my bed, bored out of my fucking mind. I strum a lil guitar, sing a little, but put it back away because I realize I'm still as shit at guitar no less than I was 5 minutes before i picked it up. Now the only logical thing to do is sit and stare at my ceiling loudly moaning irritated grunts of boredom at my innocent ceiling. I get up and decide to make the most extravagant fucking sandwich. Well it was subpar, I usually put lettuce on it but we were out so I settled for a greenless burger. Whatever. I go to sit back on my bed and enjoy my sandwich, when I get a call. I fucking shoot up and tap that answer call like I just felt a rush of heroin in my blood. Thank the fucking lord. My brain almost had an aneurysm from how bored I was. My friend Vanessa and her Boyfriend (who happens to be my ex lover, love that..fuck) asks me if I wanna hang.

Me: "why yes I do want to chill, but if I'm still eating my sandwich by the time you pull up, your ass is waiting at the driveway."

Them: "we have Goldfish and Arnold Palmer's tea"

Me *while stuffing the whole sandwich in my mouth* : SAY NO MAS IM READY

I get on my new Blockbuster hoodie I bought the day before (yes from the world's only Blockbuster left in my Local Bend, Oregon.) And some jeans I found on the floor. I grabbed my keys and my bag and phone. Hiked up my driveway (which let me tell ya was a whole fucking mission in itself. ) Hall ass down my street I see Vanessa's car and they're driving like maniacs down my dirt road so I obviously take advantage of the situation and throw a peace sign into the air and lay in front of her car ready for my death. She stops and I hop in and am greeted with both my promised food items. I was very happy. We drive to a friend's house about a few miles from my house because we need to refill our pods with juice because ya know.. gotta get that nicotine rush. We had 8 full pods to last us the day. (They did not last for 3 people.)

After we fill our pods, we head down to Redmond, Oregon to the local 24 great Walmart to do what ever because we were bored, I decided to challenge my friends to a game of Hide n seek, and I was the only one who hid because they were being lame. I won it took them 40mins to find me. I was in the office supply Ile. After we went to Walmart, we went to Fred Meyers. stole their WiFi and lounged on their couches until it closed. Nothing special pretty boring.

Then Johnny, Vanessa's Boyfriend, gets the bright idea to swing by his house to see if his parents have packed up to leave to Idaho. If they are gone, Johnny plans to break into his own house ( I say break In because he just got kicked out.. again for refusing to be Mormon and for smoking and going against his parents) They are not gone yet so we decide to go to our chill spot which is way up on this hill where you can see all of Redmond. We talk, watch vines, etc.

Anyway I decide to go outside and look around, as I'm looking around Vanessa joins me. We are across from the car and we look around and I find this underwire leopard print bra a smashed TV and a lone boot. So I was already like "what the actual fuck happened here?"

I still forward towards the TV and there I see it, an empty grave, it looks fresh. I turn to Vanessa and she's already booked it back to the Car with me right behind her. We lock the doors and turn on Nextflix (we were watching Chappie).

Halfway through the movie, this man in a green Subaru pulls up next to our car. This is already fuckin weird because only few know about this road.he parks his car a lil ways from ours, cuts off his lights and just idles. At first were cautious but he just seemed to be doing the same we were, so our fear eventually subsided. We finished our movie, the car was still parked, and we pull out to check to see if Hunters parents had left. As we were pulling away we saw that the man had a blond haired woman in her car, but not to be rude she looked like a hooker. He was probably waiting for us to leave and we accidentally rang this man's bill up 200 an hour. Oops.

We checked Johnnys house. They're still there. Guess we're sleeping in the car tonight. We decide to try and find some food, we pull into Domino's and order a large pizza. As we're waiting for pizza, I joke able how I've cut my Cornea in the most retarted way to Vanessa's boyfriend. I move my hands to get the hair out of my face, and the string to my hoodie cuts my eye. At first I thought there was just something in my eye so I start rubbing it. It really fucking hurts. I close my eyes and black thinking it will go away but it never does. We drive back to the chill spot and on the way back, we see that green Subaru on the main Street leaving from our spot,but I saw no girl this time. Who knows we were gone a long fucking time. Must have dropped her off a few ways back. We get back in on the hill I manage my eye to keep the excess light out of it and my friends play Madea boo 2 on next. When the movie ends we decide to just go to sleep on the hill. I'm a little pissed at this point because I just wanted to chill and not murder my eyeball.

We put her back seat down and I'm on the far edge in the backseat wishing I never came because maybe if I stayed home this wouldn't of happened. Then there's a knock on the window. Not like an accidental hit it was clearly a knock. I dont say anything, it isn't acknowledged between any of us. I try and sleep and Johnny is freaking out

"dude are you fucking hearing this. It sounds like footsteps and dragging outside."

I don't hear shit so Ignore it. Then Vanessa starts hearing it. And I know she doesn't lie so I'm flipping my shit at this point. Vanessa jumps into front seat and She whips her car off the hill so fast we was cooking.

We end up driving back to Walmart to get me eyedrops in hope it'll make it better. As Vanessa is running in to get eyedrops, this girl stops us to ask if she can use her phone because her friends ditched her at Walmart ( what fuckin assholes. ) She waits away from our car for her friend, and she quickly comes back telling us that a man asked if she wanted a ride home and a smoke.we told her to wait with us because I was suspicious that it was the man in the green Subaru.

Vanessa's comes back with the eyedrops and we leave the parking lot without the girl. I strangely don't remember saying goodbye to her but we did apparently? We park in the neighborhood and get back into the backseat of the car. We play never have I ever until 4 am. We fall asleep and wake up at 6:30 am. I'm still asleep I. The back seat when I hear Johnny's happy that his parents are gone, he tries to look for ways back into his house but it's a no bueno. They drives to lowes while I pretend to be asleep on the backseat of the car. All I heard was lockpick and Saw and I already knew someshit was about to happen.

They park back at Johnny's house and I stay in the car. About 10 minute later Johnny comes back In the car and yells "we got it". Sweet so the lock picked worked? Nope they sawed a hole in the backdoor. He is for sure going back to jail after this. Vanessa guides me inside because I'm blind and can't see. We sit on the couch i call an eye doctor in bend and make an appointment for 4pm, for Johnny's uncle that happens to coincidentally be an eye doctor. He lives a block away from Johnny. Around 12 pm. We leave Johnny's house and go look for other things to do I. The area.

We pull into this Freshman's driveway,(Tom) and lets get this straight, Tom is fucking annoying and no one likes him because he is a fein for pods and nicotine, that and he thinks he's tough shit. Proud why he got excelled. We've had to help him with every fight he's been in. Trash.

We chill at his house for a while, and eventually his step mom walks in and kicks us out "get out of my house, I don't like kids having sex on my couch"

Honestly we just came over to steal his food. His step mom is such a joke. She has the biggest crush on our friend Jason. We could honestly break apart that whole marriage and cause such a scandle with that information. Anyway it's about 2pm now, my appointment is in two hours. We drive to the park and wait.

5 minutes later Tom skates to us on his long board, asks if he can hang and throws his board I the trunk.

Fuck. Just when I thought I was gonna get away from this kid. We drive by away from the park and go towards bend for my appointment. The whole car ride he blows his burnt vape in my fave and it smells like ass. I asked him to stop. He didn't. We stop at the grocery, I stay in the car, while Tom takes a smoke break out the car while Johnny and Vanessa shop. 3 minutes pass and he asks if I want a smoke.

"no that shits nasty"

"come-on. They don't even taste like stogies. They smell soo good*

He shoves the pack of cigs in my face and I was getting pissed. The only way to get rid of his prized cigs is to threaten his prized cigs.

"if you don't get that shit out of my face rn, I swear I'll rip them all up then spit on them"

"I'll beat ur ass if you do"

I just smirked at him as he took his cigs back and closed the door.

It's about 3:45 and we head to my appointment. Vanessa directs me to the office. And it's so bright in there, I instantly start crying which makes my eyes hurt even more. I honestly have never wanted to just instantly die in a moment than now. I just want to stop hurting. I'm finally able to open my eyes and the office by is actually very nice. I fill out the paperwork and the doctor sees me right away.

I try and play it smooth, talking about how broke I am, and how much I love Jonny so he'll give me a discount be because I don't have health Insurance.

Then he says "be in remember you, we played ping pong at Johnny's house during their Mormon party."

I had flashbacks to the Mormon party, and how we won the game, how I almost fucked Johnny in his car afterwards on the way back home. But it felt wrong because Vanessa was there. Then I remembered the hole in the back door.

"yeah that was really fun. I remember we won."

He didn't day anything he just put numbing drops In My eyes and this yellow dye. He looked at my eyes and said

"you have a 3 millimeter cut on your eye. You really did some damage"

"dammit"

He writes my prescription and im ngl I almost booked it out the door. But I waited instead. He me 120 for a 2 minute visit. Asshole. After I talked so nicely with him.

Me and Vanessa went back outside but the car was gone, so was Tom and Johnny.

We called them, they're a block or two away. We waited and waited, and entertained ourselves by kicking rocks to each other that made the best ear tingling noise you could imagine.

A couple minutes later the car pulled up and this girl other girl was in the car. Wtf man I just want to go home. As soon as we get into the car everyone is aguing about where we're going and Johnny wants to Trade My weed for pods.that he didn't even ask me if he could be trade. Which pissed me off A SHIT TON. johnny, Tom and this dumb dumb bitch kept arguing about pods and juuls. I realized how absolutely fucking retarted it is and how I never want to sound like that. I save all my shit to Johnny and just said " I quit" . We drove into Safeway gave them my perscription. Told us to come back in 20 minutes. Dropped dumb bitch off at her friends no house. Johnny traded my Weed for pods. And Tom proceeded to cuss out girl we traded with calling her names like fat ass, which I did not approve of. Tom commented on something and I swear I almost killed a kid in front of my friends. Tom was lucky that night. I would have strangled him if it wasn't for my eye.

We go back to Safeway and they try and charge me $47 for a $4 perscription. Fuck that. We transfer it to Walmart. We drive home, I'm the first to get dropped off. Thank fucking god.

My mom comes into my room, and hugs me and just listens to me sleepily jabber about anything.

Last time I'll ever sacrifice my subpar sandwich for goldfish and Arnold Palmer's.

Never again

#story #true story #wild nights #script #screenwriting #teens #fuck #smoking #rebellion #rebels #walmart #thread #kids #stray kids #nicotine #weed #cigarettes #weekend

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moonprincess92 · 7 years ago

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Rebelcaptain fic: A bad idea

“Ok, this is bloody ridiculous,” Jyn finished her drink, before slamming it down onto the coffee table in front of them. “Let’s just have sex.”

Cassian choked on his beer.

IE: the friends with benefits fic we all need (wc: 11631) Read on AO3

“This is so stupid!” Jyn exclaimed, throwing up her hands in indignation. “The police are literally still after them and they think that this is a good time to fuck?”

“It’s for the aesthetic,” Cassian deadpanned, before smirking a little. “It’s a blockbuster spy movie, Jyn. I wouldn’t think about it too hard.”

She snorted, taking a gulp of the beer that each of them were working on as they watched together. Slumped down on the battered sofa that Jyn had initially bought in a second-hand furniture shop for 10 quid, her legs were stretched out over Cassian’s lap, his non-beer arm resting over them. Naturally, on screen the moderately-famous actors were descending into sensual jump cuts with less and less clothes, breathy kisses and dramatic music.

“Did the lighting department go on strike when they shot this scene?” Jyn muttered. Cassian laughed and hushed her in response, leaning over to hit her shoulder.

She had to suppose, though, that for all its dramatics, it actually wasn’t a badly shot scene. You know, in comparison. She titled her head slightly, eyebrows furrowing as the actors rolled on the hotel bed, the two moaning and kissing and exchanging equally blissful looks at what was clearly supposed to be the moment of penetration.

Oh, blimey.

Look, maaaaybe it was the late hour. Maybe it was the beer. Hell, maybe it was the fact that Jyn hadn’t had sex for an utterly abysmal amount of time, but for whatever reason … she found herself kind of getting into it. She glanced at her flatmate, before hastily turning her attention back to the screen. There weren’t any porn-level screams or impossible positions, just shadowy movements and the occasional naked arse, but the music was swelling to emphasise their deep emotional connection and yes, she was getting sort of turned on. Her skin under Cassian’s hand suddenly felt uncomfortable and simultaneously like it was on fire. For several minutes she forced herself not to squirm at the familiar ache, especially when the scene finally came to its dramatic climax (so to speak).

… but that was when she felt the unmistakable bulge under her calf.

She snatched her legs away quickly, exchanging slightly mortified looks with Cassian next to her. He took a rather large gulp of his drink.

“Shit, sorry,” he winced.

“Eh, we’re flatmates,” Jyn just shrugged into her beer. “I’ve seen you in your underwear before, there’s nothing to be sorry about.”

Somehow, they went back to silence. As police sirens interrupted the post-coital bliss on screen and the movie progressed into yet another frantic chase scene, Jyn sighed in frustration. She watched with a kind of blankness that was the best one could ever achieve when ridiculously turned on with no immediate outlet. Even worse, Cassian was clearly a ball of tension next to her and though neither of them said anything, the heat had to be coming off them both in waves. Her skin was crawling, but leaving the room would only make it even more obvious about what she wanted to do.

Wait, what were the people on screen even saying?

“Ok, this is bloody ridiculous,” Jyn finished her drink, before slamming it down onto the coffee table in front of them. “Let’s just have sex.”

Cassian choked on his beer.

“I’m – I’m s-sorry?” he coughed.

“We clearly both want it!” Jyn pointed out. “We’d be doing a favour, helping each other out, so to speak.”

“How much beer have you had?”

Maybe she had been hitting it too hard. Either that or she was suffering from temporary insanity, because what else would explain her sudden need to fuck her otherwise completely platonic flatmate? She noticed a red tinge creeping up his face and oh god, what had she just done?! This was the kind of nightmare that she was about to start awkwardly laughing through any second now. Quick, just blame the movie because Jesus Christ, Jyn, you really have fucked up this time! When you found a mate who was willing to let you back in the building at two in the morning when you forgot your keys, would cook you life-saving Mexican food during quarter-life crisis’s, and would even drag you home from the club on their back, it was just a RULE: you kept your goddamn genitals faaaar away from each other.

She was a terrible person.

“I – I’m sorry,” she cringed. “God, I know it’s insane of me to even suggest–”

He suddenly lunged across the sofa.

He crushed his lips to hers, and her brain short-circuited entirely. Holy shitballs. She let out a kind of strangled gasp as heat engulfed her. She didn’t know where the hell this was coming from but then again, she didn’t know where her earlier bout of insanity had come from either (now that she was thinking about it, perhaps there was something in the beer after all?). The movie carried on behind them, neither knowing nor caring about what was happening anymore as she clutched at his shirt, his fingers having snarled in her ratty hair. She didn’t know whether she wanted to climb into his lap or have him pin her to the sofa – both had their appeals – but before she could make a decision, he was pulling back.

“I’m – I’m good for us to help each other out if you are?” She shivered at his breath against her throat.

“Oh, I’m good,” she answered.

In the end, he made the decision for her. She was pushed back into the sofa cushions, a leg between hers and his tongue drawing out sounds that quite honestly she hadn't known she could still make. She groaned into his mouth as he bunched up her jumper and t-shirt, his hands painfully freezing against her belly. Somewhere, her brain kept yelling, Jyn. JYN, WHAT THE FUCK. This is Cassian! Cassian was taking off her shirt, Cassian was running his hands over her breasts, this was the same Cassian that she’d first met five years ago when he’d answered her ‘flatmate-wanted’ ad and had accidentally thought Bodhi was her boyfriend … CASSIAN! They were mates, they weren’t supposed to kiss each other like this or stroke each other like that, but ohhhhhh, her brain had clouded over.

Hello, impending orgasm.

In comparison to the on screen couple, theirs was no beautiful love scene. He nearly fell off the sofa trying to get his jeans off. She’d definitely not worn the right kind of underwear this morning. She was definitely cringing at the face she made when he pushed into her, but then oh god, oh god, he was moving and it took roughly 3 more seconds to not give a shit. Her fingers clutched at the skin of his back, legs hitched around him. Outside their tiny flat, all she could hear was the abysmal London rain still pouring, the dwindling day growing darker by the second.

It might’ve been romantic if the TV hadn’t still been booming with explosions and gunshots in the background.

By the time she was lying out of breath and thoroughly sated underneath him, the movie had apparently wound down to its final credits. One arm was splayed out over the edge of the sofa, but the other still rested against his back, Cassian’s face hidden in her neck. A part of her really, really wanted to panic right about then, but that was when he looked up and met her eye. He started grinning … and that was it. She fucking lost it.

They both burst into utter hysterics.

They laughed together until their sides were sore and tears were in their eyes. Jyn covered her face with her hands, moaning into them,

“Oh god. Goooood, Cassian!”

“Trust me, I know.”

“OK. Ok … well,” she grinned, trying to get herself back under control. “Thanks for, erm … doing me a favour.”

“Likewise.”

“I will never mention this again if you don’t?”

“Agreed,” Cassian nodded.

Eventually, they got their sniggers and breathing back down to normal levels. Unfortunately, when it died down it kind of morphed into a very awkward pause. Not that she had a problem with him still being on top of her – the weight was something she’d forgotten, something that for some reason right now was comforting, rather than crushing – but honestly Jyn couldn't remember the last time she’d been fucked quite like that. It was very possible that she’d lost all feeling in her body.

“Sorry,” she mentioned. “but are you planning on moving at all? Because I think my arse is going numb …”

“About that,” Cassian admitted. “I’ve realised that I don’t really know how to without it being weird. Like … could you not look or something …?”

Jyn kind of wanted to yell at him we are completely naked! but she got it. They would somehow have to get up while still flushed, sweaty and in a state of undress that was somehow altogether different from the few times that they had accidentally stumbled into the bathroom while the other was in the shower. But this was Cassian. If he could help her study through failed years of university, if she could make dinner every second night without burning something and if they could still be friends even after that time she had thrown up on his shoes after a night out, then they could suck it up and do this.

She tried not to smile too much as they eventually pulled their clothes back on.

Jyn Help me I’m going to die

Ya, but I’m assuming u mean ur gonna die sooner than u thought, right?

Kay wont stop playing disco music His desk is right next to mine It’s been going on 4 hrs now

That’s what u get for making friends with a robot lol

What do I get for making friends with you?

Resting bitch face and the occasional shitty coffee made for free [crying/laughing emojis]

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times – QUIT YOUR FUCKING JOB

Lol like that’s gonna happen

You literally hate it

We live in LONDON, I can’t afford to quit

You could go back to uni

If I can’t afford to quit a shitty waitressing job, I certainly can’t afford to go back to uni, wtf is wrong with u [picture of a generic white person looking sad with outturned pockets]

Would u please stop sending me memes Seriously

Sorry, it’s the only way I know how to show affection

My life was never the same after I met u

…

Ok look, I just need to make sure bc im going a little crazy over it, but … we’re ok, right?

Why the hell wouldn’t we be ok?

COME ON Can u not be jyn for just 5 seconds or something please The other day

Oh right I thought u were talking about some other time we had sex Sorry Yeah cassian, we’re ok Don’t think the sofa is, but we are

Lmao Like I know we agreed to not talk about it but…

No, it’s fine. We’re fine Let’s just go out and get hammered tonight ok? I could certainly do with it after my day

[grin emoji] Ok I’ll buy the beer When do you finish your shift?

��“There’s my favourite girl!” Han yelled at her once she’d walked through the door. “Be a dear and help a man out?”

“Fuck off, mate!” Jyn called back, snatching a packet of salt from a nearby table and lobbing it at his head.

The pub owner laughed, ducking the projectile easily. She didn’t care if no one else was here yet, she would get started without them if that was the case. Han would totally look out for her. The man was admittedly an arsehole at best, but when you’d seen each other naked before, one did tend to let bygones be bygones. Besides, they’d only slept together a handful of times before he’d gone and met the love of his life, and that had been that had been the end of it, really.

… not that Leia Organa actually wanted anything to do with Han Solo, but the gesture of not sleeping with anyone else had been rather thoughtful, in Jyn’s opinion.

“Rough day?” he asked her as she dropped unceremoniously onto a stool at the bar.

“If you ID me on purpose again, I’m going to kill you.”

“So it was that bad,” Han slammed a glass in front of her. “Would you like OJ with your vodka?”

“Maybe a splash.”

It didn’t take long for the pub to start blurring, despite the fact that she was sitting still. Alcohol always made her a little giddy, a little too prone to oversharing, and it was around drink number four when Jyn was waving off his inquiries to whether she was ok once more. “Noooo, no, no, no, it wasn’t that bad, I swear!” she insisted. “Just my boss is a prick, insane customers, that kindaaa thing.”

“Sweetheart, I’ve always told you to just come work for me,” Han rolled his eyes.

“And work nights? Spend my time getting hit on by students wearing Primarmi? You’re full of wonderful ideas!” Jyn snorted. “And you wonder why Leia won’t even give you the time of day.”

“I’m working on it!” he said, hotly.

“Maybe if you didn’t act like such a wanker around her.”

“Gee, it’s a wonder you’re still single. When was the last time you even had sex, Jyn?” Han rolled his eyes, letting the glass scrape across the bar as he took it away from her. She whined as he peered at said glass in amusement. “This has to be a record,” he added. “I’m cutting you off and PC Plod's not even here yet.”

“I love that you call 'im that, the Brits have been influencin' you,” Jyn teased.

“Never,” Han drawled.

“But shhhhhh,” Jyn suddenly flung herself over the bar to grab at Han’s shirt sleeve. Had it been even one drink ago, she honestly would have recognised what a Terrible Idea it was to mention literally anything! But she was currently at four-drinks Jyn, and four-drinks Jyn was prone to recklessness and damning all the consequences. “I have to tell someone,” she focused very seriously on his face. “You can’t – don’t tell anyone this, especially not Bodhi – but I might’ve slept with PC Plod, ok?”

Han stared at her a moment.

“… boy, Enid Blyton did not see that one coming.”

“It’s crazy, right? It’s crazy!” Jyn flung up her hands, nearly knocking the last of her confiscated drink out of Han’s hands. She dropped back onto her bar stool heavily. “We didn’t mean for it to happen, it sort of just … did. But fuck, it was good. Oh shit, I think I kind of want to do it again, but he’s my bloody roommate, like tell me this is a bad idea, Han!”

“… it’s a bad idea.”

“See! Thank you,” Jyn kissed her hand, before slapping Han’s face with it lightly. “Now tell that to my vagina.”

“You’re a delight. More vodka? Oh also, you might wanna warn the vaj,” Han nodded somewhere over her shoulder. “he just walked in.”

Jyn nearly fell off her stool. Luckily, Cassian was close enough to leap forward the last few feet and catch her elbow before she could face plant. “I see you started without us,” he smirked. “Bodhi and Luke not here yet?”

She shook her head. “No Kay, either?”

“I killed him four and a half hours into my shift.”

Jyn laughed. “Catch any bastards today?”

“Responded to a few calls, nothing major,” he shrugged.

Jyn watched, her head planted firmly in her hands, elbows on the bar top, as Cassian settled onto the stool next to her. It was bloody insane. She would have to be blind drunk to even suggest it, which is what worried her in the first place, but the fact remained that despite her shitty job, despite her abandonment issues, debilitating student loan and general lack of self-worth, she was … kind of happy. She almost hadn’t recognised it. She had gotten so used to the pressure clogging her throat that the sudden disappearance of it the last few days had been something almost of a shock. She attempted to listen as Cassian and Han made small talk. Admittedly, Cassian hadn’t ever exactly gotten along with Han Solo (probably something to do with that the first time they’d ever met was when Han had spent the night and they’d both awkwardly tried to use the bathroom at the same time). But these days they could thankfully chat a lot more civilly, and Jyn might have listened except that practically all sounds had been muted.

She shouldn’t even be considering it. It was the worst idea she’d ever had (and she’d made some pretty bad decisions over the last 25 years of her life). But she kept replaying the sofa over and over, thinking that if that was the first time, imagine how good they could get if they did it a second, third or even a fourth time.

It was just sex.

It didn’t have to be complicated, right?

Hey, where tf are you? Bodhi and Luke are making out again I need help

Tpiltts Tiolets TOILETS I’ve gone to the loo Wanna gte outta here?

Lmao, ok stay put I’m coming to get u

No no no noononnooo Cass I mean do u wanba GET OUTTA HERE Get off Go back 2 my pl Well our plce HAVE SES SXE Adfssj U know what I mean

I’m here I know what u mean

He slammed her up against their front door. His lips were hot as they moved to her neck, sucking the spot behind her ear that he had apparently learned about last time. His fingers tugged on her hair, keeping her right where he wanted her as her hands traversed his sides. They slid against his skin under his shirt, down, down, and thank god that, ok, at least this time they could actually blamed it on the alcohol.

“You’re laughing,” he complained against her neck.

“Your beard tickles,” she sniggered.

“You didn’t complain last time.”

“Cassian, this isn’t me complaining,” Jyn pointed out. “Trust me, you’d KNOW if I was – ohhh god,” she suddenly groaned as his teeth lightly grazed at her collar bone. “St – stay there – yeah, there–”

He seemed only too happy to oblige her for the moment. For several minutes, there was silence down their corridor, save only for their breathing and frantic fumbling for either one’s set of keys. By the time they managed to stumble inside, slamming the door behind them, she had already gotten his jacket off and shirt open, and there were the beginnings of a bruising mark decorating her neck.

Jyn could barely think over the buzzing in her head. The flat swirled around them, her heart thrumming. His chest was hard under her hands and she kissed him sloppily, deeply, whimpering when he bent down and grabbed her thighs. Legs around his waist, he hastily traversed through the otherwise dark and empty flat. It took her a moment to notice that it was her bed they were drunkenly stumbling into, but it made sense.

Hers was the closest to the front door, after all.

He engulfed her, pressing her back into the mattress. It was a gasping, fumbling rhythm, hindered by incoordination and desperation, but what they lacked in finesse they certainly made up for in enthusiasm. Finally, they made each other fall over the edge, her toes digging into the sheets and stars exploding somewhere behind her eyes.

Cassian’s head fell onto her shoulder. Jyn felt her chest meet his with every breath, their skin sticking together. It left her itching and kind of wanting more, but shit they were such a mess. She needed to move, but Jyn was also aware that her drunk, sated arse was definitely not going anywhere anytime soon. She wasn’t quite sure where he went, but his body was suddenly being replaced with her duvet and the softness did her in. She was out cold within seconds.

She woke in the morning – like usual – regretting all her life decisions up until that point. She protested as the light hit her eyes through the windows, but thankfully, Cassian was suddenly there with tea in front of her.

“Oh … bless you,” she moaned, half-heartedly dragging herself upright so that she could accept it. Cassian had always proudly held onto his love of coffee, despite having lived outside of Mexico for apparently nearly 10 years now, yet he still took the time to make her tea. She glanced up at him in his underwear and looking barely any better than she no doubt did. She might’ve given a shit about the fact that she was still practically naked as well, but considering the things that they’d done, it seemed a little late for that.

“I found your phone,” he mentioned, tossing the device over to her.

“Thanks,” Jyn said, flicking quickly through the notifications. Nothing major, just a few unflattering photos from last night to immediately un-tag herself from and threaten Kay into soon deleting. She dropped her phone next to her, trying to keep her eyes on her tea instead of the bare chest that was still standing in front of her. She didn’t quite know where he’d gone last night. Her bed didn’t look slept in apart from herself, but it had never bothered them before to share when the situation had called for it. Was it bad form to ask? Oh, this was making her head hurt more.

Thankfully, before she could truly work herself up into a good Panic, he clambered over her legs and settled down next to her. She smiled a little, handing him his coffee without him needing to even ask.

“So I know we said we wouldn’t talk about it …” he warbled.

“Yeah,” Jyn wrinkled her nose. “Look, last night was all me, I am so sorry–”

“Did you like it?”

Jyn shot him a look from over her mug. “I mean … yeah, yes, I liked it.”

“Then don’t be sorry. I liked it, too.”

They were both grinning now. However, frustration over the whole situation won out and she fisted a hand into her hair. “UGH, why does this have to be so complicated?” she complained. “Like, we’ve got something here! It feels good, we both like it, but this is the worst idea imaginable–”

“Is it really?” Cassian said into his coffee casually.

Jyn turned and punched his arm. “Trust me when I say you don’t want to fall in love with me, mate.”

Cassian snorted. “Oh, I remember what happened to your last boyfriend. I know.”

“You make it sound like I killed him,” Jyn whined.

“Didn’t you text me at 2am once to ask how often the police pulled out bodies from the Thames?”

“Arsehole, that was purely theoretical,” Jyn insisted.

“How is Scott, these days?”

“Dunno, haven’t heard from him since we broke up,” Jyn said.

He pinched her arm a little. “Look,” he said. “this honestly doesn’t have to be as complicated as we’re thinking. You don’t want a relationship and I really don’t have the time. But as it turns out, we have pretty great sex for two people who are just friends, soooo …”

“Ok, I’m going to stop you RIGHT THERE,” Jyn pointed out. “because I know exactly where this is going and for the record, it won’t work. I’ve seen the movie! Not the one with Ashton Kutcher, the other one.”

“Oh, with Mila Kunis?”

“That’s it!” Jyn nodded. “If we start regularly sleeping together, I know exactly how it’s going to go! We’ll try and keep it casual, friends with benefits or whatever, but soon we’ll start to get in over our heads. One or both of us will catch feelings that neither of us are prepared to handle, and it will all eventually end with it blowing up in our faces and one of us being forced to move out! We can’t risk it.”

Cassian sighed. “Ah, shit. You’re right.”

“I know. Damn it,” Jyn grumbled. “but what if … nah, forget it.”

“What?”

“No, don’t listen to me!” she said. “Hell, I’m probably still a little drunk, I definitely don’t know what I’m saying.”

“Jyn.”

He always knew how to get stuff out of her. Maybe it was the whole cop thing, maybe it was just a Cassian thing. But just like the time he’d managed to get her talking when she’d finally broken down and admitted that she was quitting uni, his eyes bored into her until she found herself blurting out,

“Ok, but WHAT IF … we agree to do this,” She ignored the slight thrill at the thought. “but only until one of us starts developing feelings. When that happens, we stop.”

He considered.

“Deal.”

“Wait,” Jyn practically spluttered on her tea. “Just like that?!”

“Sure,” he shrugged. “Those rules seem pretty clear. We get to sleep together until the first sign of emotions, then we stop. Our friendship remains intact, and we get amazing sex out of it, what’s the down side?”

“I’m serious,” Jyn warned. “I can’t … I love you like I’d love any flatmate, Cassian, but I really can’t do another relationship.”

“I get it,” Cassian answered. “Open and honest, and this will work!”

Jyn couldn’t believe she was agreeing to this.

“Open and honest.”

“So we’ve agreed?”

“I … think we have.”

Cassian reached out and squeezed her knee through the duvet. “Cool.”

You want pizza for dinner?

Are you literally texting me from your room? Seriously?

I’m lazy Do u want pizza?

Pizza’s good with me

Brill Also do u want a bj im kinda feeling it

Pizza and a blow job? What did I do to deserve you?

[Picture of Barney Stinson with the text ‘I’m awesome’]

Again with the memes

If she’d known all along that this is what it would feel like to have Cassian Andor inside her on a regular basis, she might’ve done this years ago.

Yeah, she’d always kind of assumed that he’d be an excellent lay. It was hard not to when their bedrooms shared a wall and they had spent the last five years that they’d lived together teasing each other through it. He would blast out mood-killing songs whenever she brought someone over, and she would always smack the wall back in response and yell out, “Oh yes!” dramatically, that kind of thing. But Jyn had always kind of thought that he was just showing off the rare times he’d brought someone home. That she was just overestimating his abilities, talking it up in her head … except it turned out that he had a wicked tongue that could send a thrill through her in a heartbeat, and well.

“Ok, so let me recap–” She gasped into his mouth, having pressed him up against the hallway wall. “Don’t like being tickled, yes to doing it rough–?”

“Open, I said I was open to it,” Cassian reiterated, reaching down to grope her arse. “I mean – if you–?”

“Oh, I’m definitely into it,” Her kisses were open-mouthed, hungry; she wanted to leave marks this time. “Like – don’t crack my skull open or something – but you know–”

“Ok,” He raised a hand to cup the back of her head. Before she could catch her breath he suddenly moved, turning and slamming her up against the wall a little. He smothered her yelp with his mouth, hand sliding down out of her hair to rest against the side of her neck. Jyn clawed at his shoulders and he lifted her.

“This ok?” he murmured.

She smirked into his kiss. “Very ok.”

“How was your day?”

“I got yelled at for forgetting to use soymilk,” Jyn mentioned casually. “You?”

“I arrested someone for punching Kay in the face,” Cassian answered. “We were responding to a 999 call, he was fleeing the scene, honestly, what else would you expect? But Kay got there first, and you know what he's like when–”

“Wait, wait, hang on–” Jyn had to stop him mid-sentence, clamping her thighs tight around his hips, halting their movements entirely. “I’m sorry, but you have to change the subject. Talking about Kay REALLY doesn't do it for me.”

Cassian snorted with laughter into her neck and she shook her head in amusement. She at least got an eyeful of his sweaty chest as he leaned and rested his head back against the sofa with a thump. His arms remained slung around her, but no matter how into this Jyn had been minutes ago, she now couldn’t get the irritating face of Cassian’s damn work partner out of her head.

“I’m sorry,” he said, weakly. “Did you want to stop?”

“The fuck are we stopping,” She rolled her eyes. “Just, I dunno, talk about something hot instead.”

“Jyn–” Cassian looked like he had choked a little. “You’re my best friend, I can’t tell you something like that!”

“Cassian, for god’s sake,” Jyn pointed out. “now is not the time to be setting boundaries.”

He seemed to consider that for a moment. She knew that sometimes, they were still thinking too much with their heads about all this, about what they should and probably shouldn’t do, but damn it, she was supposed to be doing this because of the bonuses of not-thinking! Her hands had been resting against his chest as he leaned against the sofa, but now she let them move. She saw him gulp. “C’mon …” she murmured. She leaned in, nipping at his jaw. Her hands wandered up into his hair as she said, “just tell me that you like how wet I am or something.”

He swore in Spanish.

“What did that one mean?”

He shook his head. “JYN.”

“FINE,” Jyn sighed. “tell me about how you arrested this bloke instead?”

Incredibly, that one worked surprisingly well.

You have (1) deleted item:

From: [email protected] Sent: Monday 12th June 2017 9:16pm To: [email protected] Subject: Hi

Hi Stardust.

I understand that you still don’t like hearing from me but I just thought I should let you know that I’m going to be in London the next few weeks. It’s a research project I’m working on, I’m technically not allowed to say any details, but it’s really exciting work and I think you’d enjoy hearing about it.

I hope you are well, Jyn. Last time I heard directly from you, you had decided that university wasn’t for you. I hope that whatever you’re doing now, you’re happy and settled.

I’m sorry that things aren’t better or perfect. But I love you, Stardust.

Dad.

My dad emailed again

Shit. Did you answer?

Lmao no He’s apparently in London Probs wants me to go and see him or something but that’s the thing, it’s always on his terms! I could go all the way to his fucking front doorstep but it wouldn’t make a difference cause only he apparently gets to dictate when and where he wants to be a goddamn father Fuck sorry

Jyn it’s fine Want me to go arrest him? I’m sure I could make something up

[crying/laughing emojis] Sure thanks

Consider it done

“Hey, check this out,” she called from her perch on the kitchen bench, not looking up from her phone. “they say that people who have regular sex live longer.”

“Who says that?”

“The internet.”

“Well, I’m convinced.” Jyn threw a nearby junk mail magazine at him. Cassian battered it away easily from where it was his turn to cook that night and she barked out a laugh. Keeping each other company while the other cooked was a leftover tradition from when Bodhi had still lived with them and it wasn’t something they’d really moved on from yet, despite it being months now. Even though they saw each other literally all the time, Jyn still admittedly missed having her childhood best friend around all the time. She could only imagine what he’d have to say if he ever found out that they’d been sleeping together though, so it was probably better to focus on the positive sides.

Honestly, the bonus of being flatmates was that there were no logistics whatsoever to worry about! They could simply pick whoever’s bed happened to be the closest and no other flatmates meant that the rest of the flat was fair game (sorry Bodhi). And already being friends meant that Jyn didn’t have to care about being self-conscious when the lights were on, nor having to worry about sounding like she was dying when she was coming. Cassian had already seen her at her most pathetic 4am, crying and Netflix-binging state.

Nothing could be worse than that, after all.

“Cassian!” Kay’s voice piped up from the lounge, then. “I’m afraid to say that if Jyn is helping you cook tonight, I won’t be able to eat anything. I can’t risk food poisoning–”

“It’s like he’s not even human,” Jyn noted, swinging her head up to shoot Cassian a look.

He just shrugged like, what can you do?

Jyn glanced back over the kitchen bench and around the corner, to where she could see Cassian’s work partner currently huffing at being ignored, despite that literally all their friends were also currently lounging, chatting and laughing around him. She considered yelling out that they’d had sex right where Kay was sitting not even 6 hours ago, but then again, they hadn’t told their friends about them for a reason. Bodhi had always been an avid matchmaker, even before he’d asked Luke out, and he would have read way too much into it. Han would just be an arse about it and keep asking her whose dick was bigger. Leia would want every sordid detail and Kay … well, Kay would probably want to murder her.

No, it was easier just keeping this between themselves.

“What did I seriously ever do to make that man hate me?” Jyn grumbled, tucking her phone under her armpit as she folded her arms.

“You were your usual charming self,” Cassian noted.

“I don’t know why you’re being sarcastic, I’m a fucking delight.”

“Of course,” He turned to face her with a spoon in hand. “Right, Fucking Delight, make yourself useful and tell me if this tastes good–”

She gave a high-pitched mmm sound. “Well, with a hint of parsley–”

“Oh, I don’t know why the hell I’m asking you,” Cassian said with deep resignation as Jyn pulled a face. He leaned over the bench next to her, calling out, “Kay! Please come take over Jyn’s job, she’s useless to me!”

“Of course she is,” she heard Kay mutter at once.

“If you think I'm putting out any time soon, you've got another thing coming,” Jyn threw back at Cassian quickly.

“Naturally,” he just grinned.

“For god’s sake, what’s got you so worked up about this?” Jyn might’ve laughed at the comedy of the situation if she hadn’t been so annoyed. There they were, both completely naked and yet still somehow yelling at each other from opposite sides of his bed. “It’s only doing it from behind and besides, it's perfect for us! You can’t even see my face, no emotions are involved whatsoever!”

“Jyn, c’mon! It’s almost too personal,” Cassian said in exasperation. “No, I can’t see your face, so you’d have to just believe that I’ll do it how you like. That’s … that’s a lot of trust to be putting in me.”

“Cassian, I let you put your dick in me,” Jyn said, scathingly. “I think it’s safe to say that I already trust you.”

“This is different!”

“HOW THE HELL IS THIS–?” Jyn had began, but soon broke off in a frustrated growl, closing her eyes. Unfortunately, she got it. They were already pretty close. They’d said that they’d only do this until they fell for each other, but she was starting to wonder now whether that was going to happen sooner than they’d originally thought. The two of them clicked. They worked in a way that was just chill and without stress, something that made her actually want to get through her shitty days so she could get back home to him.

She shook her head.

“Ok, yeah,” she said, hastily. “I get it. Too personal. Wanna fuck me against the wall instead?”

“Sounds perfect.”

Im gonna watch a movie u wana join?

Which one?

Dunno......im thinking action lots of explosions, unnecessary sex scenes and big guns

Well now, how can I say no Do we need more bathroom cleaner btw?

Ya Toilet paper too

Got it Have you picked a movie yet?

I’ll wait til u get here Hey hey yyyyy Guess what colour underwear im wearing

Im standing in the frozen foods aisle, for christ’s sake

WRONG ANSWER It’s nothing I’m wearing nothing

………jyn erso, are u seriously sexting me?

Is it working Our friendship is fucking ruined now isn’t it?

I’m literally on my way home

Jyn’s knees hurt, but like hell was she moving any time soon. They probably shouldn’t have chosen the kitchen for this, it was hardly sanitary, but he’d started kissing her neck as they made dinner together and she’d ended up shoving him up against the bench. She’d started with his lips, but had steadily worked her way down, opening up his shirt and eventually his trousers until she’d gotten him right where she wanted him. One of his hands was fisted in her hair, but the other gripped the edge of the kitchen bench, his knuckles white. God, the noises that came from his mouth, it should be illegal or something –

“HEEEEY, GUYS! Just dropping off – wait –?”

It apparently took Bodhi about half a second to realise what he was seeing. The sudden strangled yell from the entrance to the kitchen made her leap half a mile. She fell back on her arse as Cassian panicked, spinning around.

Bodhi slapped a hand over his eyes, a giant store-bought cake under his other arm.

“MY EYES!” he screeched. “GODDAMN IT GUYS, I CANNOT UNSEE THAT!”

“What the hell are you doing here?!” Jyn cried. She hadn’t even heard the door open.

“It wasn’t so long ago that I used to live here too!” Bodhi removed his hand, but kept his eyes squeezed shut as he blindly reached out, trying to find the kitchen table. “Jesus Christ, it’s not even 3pm!”

“Bodhi–” Jyn rubbed her forehead warily, climbing up to her feet. Bodhi finally found the table. He dropped the cake onto it just as Cassian, who had been forced to hastily make himself decent, caught her eye and mumbled,

“Yeah, I’m just gonna …”

Jyn watched him leave with an almost amused look. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him run so quickly,” she mentioned.

“So it's safe to look now, then?”

“Oh for god’s sake, Bodhi, we're adults aren't we?” Jyn rolled her eyes, kicking a chair out at the table for her to sink down onto. Bodhi thankfully let himself see again, tentatively sitting down next to her.

“Look,” Bodhi grumbled. “I just didn’t expect to be seeing live porn when I walked in here, ok?”

“Sorry! Blimey,” Jyn said. “It’s not like we were expecting you bursting in, either … don’t worry,” she added in a huff at the look on his face. “It’s nothing serious or anything, we just … sleep together sometimes.”

Bodhi rubbed his eyes, looking like he’d just been told to believe that England would give up drinking tea for an entire year.

“Bloody hell, Jyn. Since when has THAT been happening?” he asked.

“Dunno,” Jyn shrugged. “Few months now?”

“Few MONTHS?” Bodhi threw up his hands. “That’s it! I don’t know why you lot even keep me around anymore, clearly as soon as I moved, it was out of sight, out of mind!”

“Shut up,” Jyn kicked him under the table. “There was nothing to really say!”

“I never thought you even liked him like that,” Bodhi said.

“It’s not about like!” Jyn said. “It’s about … look, turns out that we have pretty great sex and it was easy to just keep doing it. Don't think too hard, ok? There’s no emotions involved here.”

Bodhi just scoffed loudly. “OH, COME ON, that shit never works. Haven’t you seen the movies?”

“That’s why we agreed to stop the second emotions did become involved,” Jyn said. “HA, see? We already covered this!”

But Bodhi was shaking his head, almost laughing now. “JYN. Oh, babe. Ok, so say you do keep doing this until that day you look at him and think ‘fuck, I’ve fallen for this bloke’. What makes you think that you’re going to want to stop sleeping with him at that point? Because I'd like to note that the brain isn’t all that great at being rational and logical when it’s being emotional.”

Jyn opened her mouth to immediately counter with her brilliant rebuttal … until she realised that she didn’t have one. Bollocks. She liked to think she’d do the rational thing and take that step back as planned – she was nothing, if not pragmatic – but Bodhi had planted that seed of self-doubt. It had been so long that she almost couldn’t remember what it even felt like. What if she fell and decided to fuck it all and never say anything? What if Cassian did? She couldn’t fall in love again, she had the same level of emotional intelligence as a goddamn lizard!

She couldn’t do it. Not with him.

Since her brain was screaming at her, it naturally made it the perfect time to ignore everything and simply wave off Bodhi’s point. “Since when have I ever been the emotional one?” she joked.

Bodhi only shook his head once more. “Just … shit, girl. I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Yeeeeah, me too.

Jyn desperately cast around for a topic change, and noticed the cake then still sitting in its container inside the plastic bag between them. She nudged it and asked, “What’s this for, then?”

Bodhi stared incredulously. “… my birthday?”

“OH, SHITBALLS,” Jyn slammed a hand into her forehead. “I mean, I was honestly going to buy you a cake this time!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “don’t worry, I’ll act touched, just like every year.”

“I swear I’ll be onto it by the time you’re at least 30,” Jyn said, a little sheepishly.

“I’ll believe that when I see it.”

“Arsehole.”

Bodhi grinned as he dodged a wadded up receipt that Jyn had lobbed at his head.

“Hey,” Jyn folded her arms as she leaned against the doorway to Cassian’s room. “you all right?”

“I’m never going to be able to look Bodhi in the eye again, but yes,” he answered without looking up from the computer on his lap.

Jyn laughed a little. “Yeah … sorry I was interrupted. Did you want me to come and take care of that, or …?”

“Don’t worry,” Cassian held up a hand. “I think the moment’s passed. But I appreciate it.”

“Bodhi was bringing round the cake for his birthday party tonight.”

“Honestly, Jyn, it’s the same every year. You had one job.”

“Well now, see Bodhi’s gotten so used to buying his own cake that if I did actually do it at this point, we’d end up with two cakes!” Jyn pointed out. “It’d be messing up the whole system.”

“Who says there’s anything wrong with two cakes?”

Jyn shrugged a little, before venturing in closer. She nudged Cassian’s shoulder, and he shifted over so that she could settle next to him. “What’re you watching?” she asked.

“Mediocre horror movie. I kind of needed something as unsexy as possible.”

“Are we talking slasher or more supernatural thriller?”

“Oh, there’s definitely a lot of blood.”

“Perfect.” She leaned against his shoulder and his arm rested comfortably over her thigh. They didn’t move for the rest of the B-grade gore fest.

Hey Jyn, I’m assuming you’re on your way, but want to warn you that your dad has for some reason turned up to my party Jyn Jyn did u get this msg? ???? JYN UR DAD IS LITERALLY AT MY PARTY I DIDN’T INVITE HIM I DON’T KNOW WHY HES HERE BUT TEXT ME BACK JFC JYN

…

Shit cass are u with jyn? Goddamn it look at ur phone! Her bloody DAD is here Thats it, I’m calling u

When Jyn walked into the pub and saw her dad, she was certain that it was somehow her punishment for being caught sucking off her flatmate.

“FUCK,” she exclaimed.

Leia was the one who noticed her first, glancing around curiously at her curse. Quite frankly, Jyn still didn’t know Leia Organa all that well. Their introduction had admittedly been back nearly three years ago now, the two of them introduced when Bodhi had first started going out with her brother, but they admittedly didn’t talk one-on-one that much. Hell, she still wasn’t entirely sure whether the woman actually knew that Jyn and Han had once had a thing before. It wasn’t exactly a secret and they hardly kept their shared past discreet, so Jyn suspected that Leia had probably decided that it was just better to not explicitly ask. Jyn met Leia’s gaze for all but two seconds, before deciding fuck it, and leaping towards her.

“Hide me!” Jyn cried.

“What’s going on?” Leia asked, staring at her in bemusement.

“The fuck if I know!” Jyn hastily pulled up the hood of her jacket, keeping her back to where Galen Erso was on the other side of the pub, sitting by himself rather awkwardly. “Tell me, do you also see the middle-aged bloke sitting alone at the bar? Dark hair, looks rather out of place?”

“Yes …?”

“Great, I’m not hallucinating then. That’s my DAD, Leia,” Jyn clamped her hand onto Leia’s arm. Whether it was for comfort or just in sheer panic remained to be seen. “Whom I have not seen for god knows how many years now, because he walked out on me and my mum when I was eight and half the time forgets to even send a birthday card, let alone remember I exist!”

“… well, this went in a direction I wasn’t expecting,” Leia said, a little blindsided. “Shit.”

“NO KIDDING.”

“Do you know what he’s doing here?”

“I deleted his email!”

“I … think we’re getting a little hysterical here, Jyn.”

“I just–” Jyn roughly yanked out her phone. “He messaged saying he was in London, but I really didn’t want to see him so I deleted it. Look–! Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Jyn slammed her phone several times into her hand. “This decrepit thing turned itself off on me again!”

“Ok, ok,” Leia glanced over her shoulder as Jyn waited for her crappy phone to reboot itself for the billionth time. “Subtle observations indicate that … oh, he’s just seen Bodhi! Bodhi doesn’t look that shocked though, just making small talk now. I think he already knew he was here, he keeps looking at his phone …”

“Oh, Christ,” Jyn stared at her own phone suddenly coming to life in her hand. The dozens of messages and missed calls were flooding in. Surely half of them were from Bodhi trying to warn her. The log of missed calls told her that Cassian had apparently been trying to get a hold of her as well. Jyn was used to feeling screwed over by this point in her life, but the sudden reappearance of her father had thrown her for a loop. She felt like her chest was screaming. A little helplessly, she glanced up at Leia.

The other woman held herself up determinedly.

“What do you need me to do?” she asked at once. “I’ll lend you my jacket if you want to sneak out – or I’ll call Han and get him to chuck him out of here – or – I don’t know, do you even like hugs, or–?” She cut herself off in surprise as Jyn suddenly threw herself into Leia’s arms.

Normal people hugged and offered shoulders to cry on as a sign of friendship, but Jyn was woefully bad at showing affection for literally anybody aside from sending memes out of nowhere at 2am. But she’d never appreciated the woman in front of her more, and a hug just seemed like the thing to do. Leia startled, but wound her arms tight around her in return.

“Thank you,” Jyn muttered.

“Hey, no problem,” Leia said. She squeezed her one last time, before stepping back. “Just do me a favour and please never tell me whatever the hell it was that happened between you and Han, ok?”

“Deal,” Jyn snorted.

Fortunately, at that point, her phone rang again.

“Cassian,” she said at once.

“JYN!” Cassian’s voice was agitated with panic. “FINALLY! LISTEN, ARE YOU AT THE PARTY YET? DON’T GO TO INTO THE PUB–”

“Yeah, about that,” Jyn said. “Too late. But don’t worry, I know my dad is here.”

She heard Cassian mutter a few choice phrases under his breath. “I’m so sorry – look, I’m just arriving now, where are you? What do you want to do from here?”

“I’m with Leia, we’re near the – I SEE YOU!” She and Leia waved frantically at the front door, where Cassian had just arrived. Relieved, he hung up the phone and hurried toward them through the crowd. Watching him, Jyn realised that her inner Panic Mode had started subsiding the second Cassian had walked in. Leia apparently also noticed. She kept glancing between her face and Cassian’s, still struggling through the crowd.

“So you guys are still fucking …?” she asked casually.

“Yep.”

“And you’re not in love with him?”

Jyn didn’t answer.

However, before Cassian could reach them, someone else apparently did. Jyn heard the voice behind her, heard her childhood nickname, and everything inside her spasmed. Please no. She didn’t want to do this, she didn’t have the strength for this. She turned warily to see that her father had found her.

He looked tired, but then again, he had as well on every other rare occasion that she’d seen him. More than tired, he had a heavy air, like something invisible was weighing him down but Jyn couldn’t afford to get sentimental here. A tiny part of her somewhere would always be that little eight-year-old who loved her papa and had begged him not to leave, but another would forcefully remind herself that no one should have to endure the radio silence she'd gotten in the years since. Yes, she wanted him back. She wanted to be able to talk to him, she wanted to understand, she wanted an actual father … but she couldn’t do it right now.

“I’m sorry, Star – Jyn,” he hastily used her name at the look on her face. “Jyn … I’m so sorry for intruding like this, I really am. But I remembered it was Bodhi’s birthday, and I saw on Facebook that he was having a party here, and I just wanted to see you–”

“If you’d wanted to see me, you would have said yes the million times I asked,” Jyn snapped back, beyond done. “I don’t want to talk to you!”

“Please, Jyn–”

“What’s happening?” Cassian burst in on the scene, practically skidding into her side. Leia, Jyn noticed, had subtly sneaked away and was currently yelling frantically at Han somewhere over the bar.

“Nothing,” Jyn quite firmly planted a hand on Cassian’s chest to keep him back. “He was just leaving.”

“I want us to talk, Jyn,” Galen said, desperately. “We haven’t properly talked in years, I feel like I’m losing you–”

Jyn let out a deserive snort of laughter. “Look, Dad. Who’s fault is it that we don’t talk? The only times I ever got to see you growing up was when it suited you. But I don’t care, I’m old enough that I don’t need you anymore,” She stared him down hard. “If we ever do actually talk again, it’s going to be when I want to, on my terms. If you push me, try contacting me at all, I swear you’ll never see me again. I know how to contact you if I want. Now, leave me, Bodhi, and my friends the HELL alone.”

She didn’t know what reaction she’d get, honestly. It was probably the most defiant she’d ever been. Cassian still stood resolutely by her side, not saying anything, but obviously about a second away from defending her if all hell broke loose. Galen nodded clearly, his eyes a little lost.

“I understand. You won’t hear from me again,” he said, regret pinching his voice. “Please know, Jyn … if you ever call, I’ll always answer.”

He turned and left.

Bodhi was completely beside himself.

“I WAS FUCKING PANICKING, I’M SO SORRY!” he kept yelling over and over, at least until Jyn could get a few drinks in him. “I saw him and he was making small talk and telling me happy birthday, and I didn’t know how to throw him out without making a scene and–”

“It’s fine! Bodhi, it’s fine,” Jyn threw an arm around his shoulders, shoving a pint into his hands. “I told him to leave and he did, it’s all ok – besides, we can’t let this ruin your birthday!”

There were thankfully cheers and chinks of glasses all around then, the dramatic Erso Family Tension slowly being forgotten as the night went on in favour of celebrating Bodhi’s birthday in excitement. Yes, maybe Jyn got a little more than just blind drunk, but quite honestly, she hadn’t felt so uplifted in years! Leia pulled her out to dance several times, the two clinging to each other to remain upright. Han’s bar converted a raised stage area into a space for dancing at a certain hour, which was a little dangerous in that Luke fell off it several times, but Bodhi was thankfully always there to catch him. At one point, Han came out from behind the bar and whispered into Leia’s ear, earning a smack and a dance in rapid fire. As she was swept up, Jyn suddenly felt arms wrap around her from behind. She clung on gratefully as the popular tunes got turned up.

“Hey – heeeey – thank you,” she yelled over the music.

“For what? I didn’t do anything!” Cassian said back.

“’zactly,” Jyn turned her head, except the movement made it swirl and it nearly knocked her off her feet. She tipped over slightly and Cassian’s strong arms had to haul her back upright. Jyn’s face had gone bright red as she slurred, “You din’t try an’ fight my fight for me … you backed me – had my – back? I jus’ mean you stood and din’t try defen’ my honor, or whatever the fuckin’ …” She had absolutely no idea what she was saying. Just that the man with his arms currently around her was one of the most decent human beings she’d ever met.

(She didn’t kiss him.

But god, she wanted to).

Hahahahhha, she wasn’t spiralling! Noooooooo.

(Maybe if she kept telling herself that over and over again, she’d eventually believe it).

She watched Cassian desperately from the kitchen doorway.

Regular sex had obviously been good for her. Even Bodhi had (reluctantly) commented that both she and Cassian had seemed less stressed lately, that their skin had cleared and that their crops had been watered, or whatever the fuck. Apparently, finding out about them had made a lot suddenly make sense. Jyn felt it. Somehow, her job had gone from Fucking Unbearable, to Still Made Her Want to Die, But Admittedly Kind of Tolerable Now. It was amazing what a good orgasm or two could achieve!

Somewhere down the lines, it had even gotten comfortable. Some might have assumed she meant that they’d plateaued, but that wasn’t the right phrase. Despite their closeness, it was always going to be a little weird seeing each other properly naked for the first time, but now it had grown into something that felt … natural. It never felt awkward or forced, only …

Right. The word was right, it felt right.

She wanted to cross the room and wrap her arms around his waist. She wanted to breathe him in, she wanted him to be the first thing she saw when she woke up in the mornings, and she wanted to fuck his brains out against the table before cuddling sweetly on the sofa. She wanted far too much for their deal, and oh, don’t mind her, just having a bloody panic attack in the hallway!

She should have been better prepared for this! Damn it, she'd watched the movies and everything!

“Oh, hey!” Cassian suddenly called out, noticing her behind him. “You got off early, sorry I haven’t made you anything–”

Jyn hastily put on a smile.

“I’M FINE,” she squeaked. “NO, wait – it’s fine, I mean …”

From: [email protected] Sent: Thursday 21st July 2017 2.11pm To: [email protected] Subject: Congratulations! Your enrolment details

To Jyn,

We are pleased to inform you that your application for Bachelor of Arts has been accepted. We are looking forward to you starting your journey to higher education this September …

From: [email protected] Sent: Friday 22nd July 2017 8.41pm To: [email protected] Subject: I've gone insane

Mama –

Thought I’d let you know that I kind of signed up for uni again. I decided it was time to finish my degree. I'm going to look into whether the study I did before still counts or whether I'll need to start over (I mean, God I hope not) and I know it’s only a BA, but it means a lot to me. Who knows maybe I’ll finally get to quit the coffee shop someday!

…sorry, I’m making jokes, I’m not nervous at all.

Love you,

Jyn

“WHY DID YOU LET ME DO THIS?”

“Just to reiterate, once again,” Cassian said, flicking through channels on the TV. “I did not force you hit the submit button. Hell, I wasn’t even home at the time.”

“STILL!” Jyn cried, throwing her hands up as she paced in front of the TV every 10 seconds. “You’re my best friend, your job is to stop me from doing stupid things!”

“I thought it was to join in on the stupid things?”

“CASSIAN.”

“Look, how is going back to uni stupid?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, sit down,” he added as she paced past the sofa once more. Jyn found herself getting dragged down next to him, a little chagrined. “You clearly want to do it, or you wouldn’t have applied in the first place. You are more than capable, Jyn. You’re intelligent, determined and it's something you clearly enjoy learning about.”

Jyn bit her lip. “But last time I gave up.”

“You were dealing with other things in your life at the time,” Cassian gently reminded her. “Your father and the stress wasn’t a good combination. It’s ok to take breaks from things that aren’t good for you at the time.”

“This has been a hell of a break, Cassian,” Jyn scoffed. “It’s been over three years.”

“It’ll come back to you.”

“Easy for you to say!” Jyn threw up her hands. “This is insane, first sign of it getting hard and I’m going to quit again, I know it! I – I don’t know why I ever thought–”

He swooped down and kissed her. God.

She wasn’t sure why he had cut her off mid-sentence at first, but when she realised that her brain had melted to the point where she was swimming in it, she started to figure that that might’ve been his goal. Make her relax, make her forget. She could barely remember her name, so it was (un?)fortunately working. She was already pressed close to him on the sofa and he used it to their advantage, reaching down to move her scrunched-up legs, hooking them over his lap. Hands in her hair, he pulled back to murmur,

“Calm the fuck down, Jyn, yeah?”

She could only make some kind of squeaking noise in response.

His lips traversed her jaw and neck, her heart slamming so ferociously in her throat that she was certain he had to feel it. She needed to stop this. She needed to say no. She had to face it, she was halfway in love with him and she needed to put a halt on everything before it all got wildly out of control but blimey, he believed in her. Her best friend believed she could do this, her best friend would do anything for her and her best friend’s hands were sneaking under her shirt, making her skin sizzle. Motherfucker.

She was so screwed.

Hey

Hey Why aren’t you asleep?

OH u know Keep thinking

FOR THE LAST TIME, you’ll be great at uni. You’ll graduate and get to wear the hat and I’ll probably cry because I’m so proud of you …………did u seriously text me at 1am and then fall asleep on me????

NO, no, I’m still here

What’s wrong, Jyn

Nothing, I just…… U know how we said we’d just do the whole ‘sleep together’ thing until one of us got feelings right?

Right

Well I got feelings A Lot of em And I’m sorry, but I think I first got them a while ago, but in my defence I didn’t actually KNOW so I didn’t say anything, but even when I did know I didn’t say anything but I couldn’t keep NOT saying something so this is me saying something and I know we said we'd stop when this happened but thing is I don’t think I actually want to stop so yeah

The moment Jyn’s rambling text was sent, she immediately regretted it. What the fuck you have to go and say all that for, you eejit? She could have left it at ‘I got feelings’ and that would have been fine! Nooo, she just HAD to go and spill everything like some bloody romance movie.

Oh my god, she was Mila Kunis!

She stared at the messaging app until her eyes blurred. Minutes passed without a reply and eventually, she shut off the phone, slamming it back onto her bedside table. She wasn’t going to be able to face him in the morning. She rubbed her eyes warily before attempting to snuggle back down under the blankets. All of this was a colossal mistake. LET’S JUST SLEEP TOGETHER, she’d said, IT’LL WORK OUT FINE, she’d said. Nothing ever went wrong when you slept with your otherwise-platonic best friend and flatmate, everyone knew that! Oh god, one of them was going to have to move out now and since she was the one who’d fucked up, it would probably be her. She’d have to move in with Bodhi and Luke and be a third wheel! Either that or live with her new best friend, Leia … actually no, then she’d have to deal with Han coming over all the time and being a prick about it. Better stick with Bodhi and Luke –

SLAM.

Jyn leapt a fucking mile. Her bedroom door was suddenly flung open and in the meagre light of a phone screen, Jyn saw Cassian standing there. She noticed that their recent text conversation was pulled up on his phone and he was staring at her incredulously (and rather dramatically) from the doorframe. She didn’t know what on earth to say.

She shifted uncomfortably in bed, sitting up a little. “I’m sorry–”

Within three strides, he’d crossed the room and leaned down, crushing his lips to hers.

The phone was thrown somewhere across the room. His hands snaked around her waist, practically falling into her on the bed. They rolled and her legs were tangled in the blankets but she was fucking soaring and she didn’t care. She kicked herself free, wrapping herself around him, tasting the late night on his tongue. Minutes, hours, she honestly didn’t know how long they spent holding each other, kissing like it was the first and last times all at once. He slowed though, pressing his lips to hers once more before her cheek, dragging a hand out of her hair and to her face.

“I got feelings too,” he admitted,

“Oh … oh,” It appeared that she’d forgotten English entirely.

“I also didn’t say anything.”

“Guess we really fucked this up then, huh?”

She could feel him smile against her cheek, his legs tighten where they were tangled with her own. “Yes. Fucked it up completely.”

“I had a good time doing it, not gonna lie.”

“I want to keep doing it, too.”

Click. Something snapped into place.

“Oh, thank god.”

“Am I to understand that I will have to endure this every time we hang out together now?” Kay sighed exasperatedly from his side of the table. “Because if so, I am more than happy to go find new friends–”

Jyn just kissed Cassian harder in retaliation, sticking up her finger in Kay's general direction for good measure.

Absolutely no one had been surprised to learn that Jyn and Cassian apparently weren't just sleeping together anymore. Bodhi had yelled, “CALLED IT!” while Luke groaned in exasperation, slumping further down into his chair around their usual table at Han’s pub. Leia, who had been in the bathroom at the time, had come back only to cackle at the news while Han incredibly even shouted them both a free drink in celebration, something almost unheard of from the man. She only finally pulled back when Kay started throwing salted peanuts at them.

“Honestly, if you want to fuck off, be my guest!” Jyn growled, arm still slung around Cassian’s neck. “I’ve only been waiting for it ever since we met, after all.”

“Cassian, why,” Kay deadpanned in response.

The ultimate pro of the Scathing Comment, Cassian threw back something funny and non-committal. Jyn honestly wasn’t listening too closely. Her brain was a little fuzzy from all the alcohol and kissing, she started uni again in a couple months, and quite honestly, for what felt like the first time in her life she wasn’t worried. She spent the night laughing with Leia, exchanging stories that were long over-due and sitting next to Bodhi whenever she wanted to go and talk on his side of the table. She would catch Cassian’s eye every now and then and feel her face flush at the slow smiles that they would exchange.

She had expected this latest transition to be weird, but quite honestly, she shouldn’t have. If the last few months had taught her anything at all, it was that whether they were doing it or not, things still somehow worked out between them. It was like this potential had always been there, just simmering away underneath everything they did. She didn't buy the theory that it was fate, but even she couldn't deny that whatever it was, it was a connection that went beyond anything explainable. No, she didn’t have a bloody clue as to what she was doing and yes, she was 1000% fucking terrified, but then he’d look at her like that from across a crowded room and suddenly, she was ok with it again.

“Do you think Kay will ever get over it?” she joked, stumbling a little into the street.

He tugged on her hand hastily, keeping her from keeling over into the gutter. “Maybe one day,” he said. “However, today is not that day, sorry.”

“Weird thing though is I don’t actually hate the tosser!” Jyn pointed out with all the clarity she could muster with a few drinks in her. “He’s annoying as fuck, but he’s decent enough. Which reminds me, why are we walking home instead of being dropped off on the corner like normal?”

“We kept making out in the backseat, and Kay kicked us out.”

“Oh, that's right,” Jyn grinned.

The night was brisk, but clear. They walked in silence for the few extra minutes it took to reach their building, Jyn’s fingers clenching unconsciously between Cassian’s. She hadn’t intended on saying anything, but she suddenly stopped just before they were about to head inside. “Hey,” She spoke to her boots, wincing at the sincerity that was about to come out, but to hell with it. “Seriously, though … I’m sorry I’m not the girl Kay wishes I was. I know I suck at this.”

“Jyn …” Cassian began.

“No, no!” Jyn insisted, waving off the look on his face. “Really! Like, not even kidding, we both know I’m the nutcase here, HA – so, um, I don’t know … thanks, I guess. For not cutting me loose.”

Cassian squeezed her fingers, stepping in closer. “Jyn, you know that you got stuck with me for life the day I first moved in. This isn’t going to change anything.”

“I’m serious! I swear I barely even know how to do the relationship thing anymore–”

“Hey. Something tells me that we’ll figure it out,” He let go of her hand to punch her shoulder lightly.

This man was something else.

Jyn responded by throwing all caution to the wind and just kissing him right there in the street. It was about time she let him know that she was as in deep as he was, and the way to convey that was naturally to wrap her arms around his neck and drag him down to her lips. No, she didn’t know how the hell things were going to go from here. Maybe they'd fuck up tomorrow, maybe one day it would all get too much, but also just maybe, things would somehow work out.

Maybe this entire thing hadn’t been such a bad idea after all.

- Fin

#rebelcaptain #rebelcaptain fic #rebelcaptain fanfic #ro fanfic #rogue one fanfic #rogue one #ro #my fanfiction #look i just really wanted a friends with benefits fic and i went a little overboard ok???#i hope you like it!!#and pls go leave me comments on ao3 i posted it when everyone was asleep lol

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