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doomonfilm · 4 years ago

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Ranking : Spike Lee (1957 - present)

There have been countless directors whose careers have spanned my lifetime, but out of these countless masses, the one whom I can find the most in common ground with (as well as endless inspiration from) is Spike Lee. A New Yorker through and through, Lee went from a series of films that seamlessly blended hip-hop and old school Hollywood aesthetics, to personal films, to his take on the blockbuster, and currently, to the point where his canon has earned him artistic freedom and expression that many of his peers have not been able to achieve. He is the perfect bridge between the director-driven mindset of the 1970s and the cultural boundary-pushing films of the 1990s-forward. Not everything that he directed was a hit or a masterpiece, but this man has more iconic films under his belt that some directors have films to their name. That being said, it’s time to stir the pot and make an attempt at the monumental task that is ranking the films of Spike Lee.

I will only be including theatrically released feature films of Spike Lee that I have seen. His documentary work will be excluded, as well as his films I have missed or have yet to see. Here is a list of these films : Da 5 Bloods, Chi-Raq, Da Sweet Blood of Jesus, Joe’s Bed-Stuy Barbershop: We Cut Heads, 4 Little Girls, The Original Kings of Comedy, When the Levees Broke, A Huey P. Newton Story.

20. Oldboy (2013) Every film that you make can’t be a winner. In the case of Lee’s attempt at remaking Oldboy, there were already two major strikes against it : a superior version of the film already existed, and that version was the middle film of a trilogy. I doubt that even a team of the most talented directors could have made a superior version of Oldboy that surpassed the original, but after 30 years of making films, it’s admirable that Lee would even attempt something so bold and seemingly insurmountable.

19. Red Hook Summer (2012) When your film catalog covers three decades, there’s bound to be some overlap, be it stylistically or narratively. I’ve only seen Red Hook Summer once, but it was impossible for me to look at it subjectively, as it seemed to be a modern day mirror to another one of Lee’s explorations of New York adolescence. While this story is not a direct copy of a Spike Lee film that I will go into more detail on later, it does feel like the update equivalent that focuses on himself rather than the childhood of his sister. While an entertaining film from what I can remember, it sits behind a list of previous impressive achievements.

18. She Hate Me (2004) Humor has been an element present in a number of Spike Lee films, but for my money’s worth, this film is the closest thing to an outright comedy that he ever made. Like a number of films on the back half of his career, he is touching upon important topics (sexuality and toxic masculinity, in this case), but these are topics that he has hit with more nuance and creativity in earlier films. This film did help transition Anthony Mackie into a leading man role, and he certainly took that opportunity and ran with it, so She Hate Me could be heralded for that alone. That being said, it was a great idea that slightly missed the mark, therefore placing it on the backend of the memorable films list for Lee.

17. Miracle at St. Anna (2008) This film had the potential to be a breakout resurgence for Spike Lee. He was coming hot off the heels of Inside Man, a perfect blend of Lee’s style and modern Hollywood fare, so having a period-piece war film seemed like a slam dunk. His cast was strong, while also being filled of relatively unknown young actors on the verge of becoming stars in their own right, but for whatever reason, this film failed to make a connection with the masses. While I do remember mostly enjoying my watch, I also remember feeling a bit underwhelmed by the ending, which in turn left me lacking a reason to revisit it. Maybe it’s a hidden gem that I haven’t seen enough times yet, but at this moment in time, its home is near the bottom of Lee’s impressive list of films.

16. Get on the Bus (1996) Many people’s eyes were opened to racial injustices during the COVID-19 pandemic, as several African-American men and women found themselves on the wrong end of violent acts from the police and other citizens in the midst of a ‘shelter-in-place’ era. Not only have these injustices been going on for my entire lifetime, but they’ve been a generational trauma for many African-Americans in the United States. When the Million Man March was announced in 1996, it was not surprising that Spike Lee took it as an opportunity to both document the march and build a narrative around it in which he could showcase a collection of actors he’d either featured in past films or would work with in future films. To my knowledge, this is one of maybe two or three films about the event, and it was certainly the film released in the closest proximity to it. For an independent, quick shoot, it definitely stands up, but in comparison to Lee’s other works that benefited from full crews and production schedules, it finds itself paling in comparison.

15. BlacKkKlansman (2018) Despite the fact that this is the film that finally got Lee some sort of recognition at the Oscars, BlacKkKlansman was not quite the true return to form that many fans of Spike Lee expected. The film had moments of humor, compelling moments that directly focused on racial injustice and systematic oppression, and it pulled no punches while doing so. Like a handful of Lee’s other films, however, this one falls when compared to his other films that deal with similar subject matter. Adam Driver continued to show fans his expansive range, and Jasper Paakonen deserved INFINITELY more recognition than he got, but ultimately, this film checks all the ‘good’ boxes where it was expected to check the ‘great’ ones.

14. 25th Hour (2002) As the year 2000 approached, Lee seemed to attempt and make a shift from films that specifically spoke on aspects of the African-American experience in favor of occasional films that reached a wider audience. While Summer of Sam would be considered the first foray into that realm, the true mark of this elevated sense of creative duty came in the form of 25th Hour. With the actors in tow, in tandem with the cinematography and skilled directing ability displayed in the film, one would expect a powerhouse movie, but ultimately, the expectations exceeded the narrative of this film. This one is entertaining, don’t get me wrong, but I personally did not find a connection with the story, meaning that the film was, at best, fun to watch.

13. Summer of Sam (1999) I’ve been a true-crime junkie since my early teenage years, and even the most casual of true-crime fans is more than likely familiar with David Berkowitz, also known to many as the Son of Sam. While Red Hook Summer did come out after Summer of Sam, it’d be hard to deny the fact that Summer of Sam is the last of Lee’s love letters to New York City. This was the film where Spike Lee stepped out of his comfort zone of the African-American experience, choosing instead to focus on more colloquial aspects of the American experience, and for my money’s worth, it was the start of an important shift for him. Despite being light on the Son of Sam action, the actors this film does focus on (and the story it chooses to tell) is a fresh look at a familiar era, and a crowning achievement that signaled new things for Spike Lee.

12. He Got Game (1998) If you made a Venn diagram of people familiar with Spike Lee, the two biggest circles would be film fans and people who have seen at least one New York Knicks game since the 1990s. Therefore, the only thing that was really and truly surprising about He Got Game was the fact that it took Spike Lee 15 years and 11 films to make a film about basketball. On the outset, that’s exactly what it is : a film about basketball. Viewed with a wider lens, however, this story is a love letter to one of the most popular American inventions, and a story about how it can serve as a common-ground bridge for those from wholly different walks of life. The juxtaposition of Aaron Copland and Public Enemy made the soundtrack provocative, and Ray Allen stood out in his lead role, holding his own against the living legend that is Denzel Washington, who is always good for a stellar performance in a Spike Lee joint. Don’t mistake this film’s place on the list for my feelings about it... this is a stellar film, in my opinion, and one of my favorites to revisit.

11. Crooklyn (1994) After making what many would argue to be the most important film of his career (which we will eventually get to), it’s no surprise that Spike Lee circled his creative wagons and made the focus of his next film inward. Crooklyn covers what seem like many personal bases for Spike Lee : he portrays the New York of the past vividly and beautifully, while spinning a true-to-life tale based on his personal experience, but opting to focus on his sister Joie Lee and his father Bill Lee. Of Lee’s many, many films, this was the one that I felt the most compelled to see at the time of release, it is one of the two I have the most vivid memories and recollections of, and it has a number of stylistic choices that keep me wonderfully perplexed to this day. Despite not cracking the top ten Spike Lee films, this one ranks high on the list of Spike Lee films that hit the bullseye of my heart.

10. Jungle Fever (1991) Interracial romance is one of those things that seemingly will always be a sensitive subject. I’ve heard many people say that Jungle Fever has a dated look on the subject, but I’d argue that the film was very forward thinking, especially in showing that an interracial romance is not the answer to the cultural and societal problems that life presents us. The movie also touches deeply on drug addiction without crossing over into the realm of being preachy or talking down to the viewer. It didn’t hurt that Stevie Wonder also managed to create a soundtrack’s worth of new material that instantly brought the seemingly controversial film directly into the public eye. Maybe it is dated... maybe it is uncomfortable... but what it is, undoubtedly, is an early masterpiece that fell near the end of one of the most stellar introductory runs that any filmmaker has presented us.

9. Clockers (1995) Ever wonder what would happen if a Martin Scorsese film found its way into the hands of Spike Lee? Well, wonder no longer, because Clockers is out there waiting for you to discover it. The amount that this movie gets slept on is an outright tragedy and travesty. The soundtrack is KILLER, the color-timing puts the viewer in an immediate ‘cold-world’ environment, the order of operations presented in this film is brutal and unforgiving, and yet, it manages to be one of the most heartfelt films in the Spike Lee canon. EVERYONE presented in this movie brought their A-game to the table, from the Spike Lee regulars like Isaiah Washington, John Turturro and Harvey Keitel, to the glorified cameos and supporting roles, like Thomas Jefferson Byrd, Sticky Fingaz and Fredro of Onyx, and relative newcomer but promising leading man Makhi Phifer. This film is intense, but it is more than worth your time and attention.

8. Bamboozled (2000) Bamboozled was shocking when it was released, to say the least. The true revelation, however, has been the way that relevance has seemingly caught up to the film... fake wokeness, modern day minstrel shows, low budget/high yield television and behind the scenes scandals have all come to light many years after this film had its initial run. While this film did not transition Savion Glover into the world of superstardom and crossover success, it certainly crystalized his immense talent and charisma in a way that his recordings of stage shows had previously been unable to capture. The imagery of America’s strange fascination with the dehumanization of African-Americans for generation after generation is rich, and every performance is compelling. This was definitely Spike Lee’s first masterpiece of the new millennium, and at the risk of being bittersweet, probably one of his last truly stunning achievements.

7. Girl 6 (1996) Every ranking list has to have the controversial placement, so here’s mine... Girl 6 started as a lingering interest for me. The internet was just about to change the world, but we were still locked into landlines at the time, with cellular being a luxury, so the world of phone sex still had relevance. Upon seeing the film, however, I quickly realized that the phone sex exploration was playing counter to a Hollywood hopeful narrative that was brave enough to explore new ground (per the changing times) while being mindful enough to pay homage to the countless stories of Hollywood hopefuls that came before it. Many of the shifting cinematography looks that made Clockers so gritty were used to make Girl 6 feel dangerously euphoric. The list of cameos and brief supporting roles were not only a who’s who of cultural movers and shakers at the time, but it ran about as long as my arm. I recently revisited the film and expected it to be a bit more on the side of kitsch, but surprisingly, the times had not been as hard on the film as I anticipated. The film shifts quite well between light and dark, and even the ending that initially slightly annoyed me has found a strange sort of charm in my older, more life-experienced years. Add to this the hilarious running joke of Isaiah Washington being a kleptomaniac in nearly every scene he appears in, and there’s a realization that there are sublayers going on right in front of our eyes. This collaboration with Suzan-Lori Parks gives me hope that maybe one day, we’ll get a Spike Lee film adaptation of Topdog/Underdog, but we will see.

6. Inside Man (2006) If you had to pick the most ‘Hollywood’ of the Spike Lee films, my money would be on this film ending up as the chosen one. By this rationale, it makes the film that much more impressive, as it also stands out as one of the most compelling, well-directed and well-acted Spike Lee films. At the time of its release, it was not only a return to form, but it seemed to signal an evolution. Spike Lee was able to use his signature, iconic shots that he was known for, like his camera-turned-to-dolly float, or the push-pull zooms, but he was also able to incorporate familiar Hollywood tropes, including the twist ending, and give them a breath of fresh air via an newly infused sense of style. Lee also stayed true to himself by educating as well as entertaining, bringing to light how atrocities from the past have more than historical connections to modern day benefactors. While I do think there are a handful of better ‘pure’ Spike Lee films, if I had to pick one movie for a curious party that my be skeptical, this would easily be my pick.

5. She's Gotta Have It (1986) Oh, the joy of having your first film be a breakout success, but not to the point of pigeon-holing your career. She’s Gotta Have It was an important introductory step to the masses for Spike Lee : it showed his dedication to putting African-American performers into familiar narratives, it showed an appreciation for the voice of women on film that many first-time directors would likely not want to be the initial association to their style, it introduced the world to Mars Blackmon (who became a cultural icon), and it presented sense of style that switched on the viewer the moment before they could label it pretentious. Having characters address the camera made it feel like a play or a novel, but when the film shifted into movie mode, the camera moved with the energy and grace of a performance artist or dancer, which in turn fed into the character development and narrative it presented. As a bonus, the property found new life nearly 40 years later as a Netflix original series, introducing new generations to a modern day classic statement of feminism, and how it does not excuse bad behavior.

4. Mo' Better Blues (1990) Those familiar with Spike Lee’s family know that he was raised by jazz bassist Bill Lee, who scored some of Spike’s early films. By this rationale, it comes as no surprise that Lee could make such a rich, nuanced and heartfelt film about jazz music that serves as an allegory for the hurdles that beset those driven purely by passion. The conversations about race, musical integrity and commercialism also work on both direct and symbolic levels, giving Mo’ Better Blues some of the highest repeat viewing value of any film in the Spike Lee canon. The film also marked the first collaboration of Spike Lee and Denzel Washington, a combination that yielded artistic, career, creative, commercial and critical success, led to a multitude of classic performances, and ultimately led to a generational collaborative changing of the guard in the form of John David Washington. The only negative I can give this film is that it did not lead to future films that explored genres of music like hip-hop and soul. While She’s Gotta Have It did focus heavily on relationships and intimacy, it could be argued that Mo’ Better Blues was Spike Lee’s first adult contemporary film, and his first look at modern romance in the more ‘traditional’ sense.

3. School Daze (1988) The African-American college experience, specifically that of HBCUs (Historically Black College and Universitys), is one that has often been neglected in the annals of film history. As a graduate of Clark Atlanta University, it makes total sense that Spike Lee’s second commercial film would focus on that specifically overlooked culture, as it became a fitting vehicle for establishing Lee’s sense of duty and responsibility for education, sharing the African-American experience to the masses, and exposing systematic injustices and hypocrisies that kep the disadvantaged in a disadvantaged position. The real genius of this film, however, comes in the juxtaposition of presentations it jumps between... for the majority of the film, it is an unflinching look at the coming of age process that teenagers must traverse on their way to adulthood, including the hurdles of romance, forming your identity and expanding your view of the world around you. At key moments, however, the film switches into musical numbers, song performances and school dances that not only expand on the inner feelings, emotions and desires of characters, but heighten the reality of the story to a dizzying pace. In all the ways that She’s Gotta Have It put the world on notice that a unique voice was present in the industry, School Daze signaled the continuation of a run that would last another handful of films, and it firmly established Spike Lee as a generational talent.

2. Do the Right Thing (1989) I would guess that over the course of a career, a director secretly hopes that at least one of their works comes close to making an impact culturally. In the case of Spike Lee, however, we have a man who released two cultural-shifting films, and did so in a span of less than 5 years. They say the third time is a charm, and that’s exactly what Do the Right Thing was for Spike Lee. The vivid colors, stylistic earmarks, historical and cultural sense of urgency and focus on telling minority stories all expanded greatly with this film, which acted as both a parable of how past injustices can come back to haunt you, and a harbinger of how the reactions to these continued injustices would only amplify if not addressed. The fact that Spike Lee not only directed this film, but played the lead actor as well, is a monumental achievement, especially considering how few flaws the film has, if any. Several established actors played some of their most iconic roles in this film, and a breadth of newer, younger faces exploded onto the scene, almost all of whom either continued to work with Lee or found themselves evolving their careers in the wake of Do the Right Thing. The film is also directly responsible for perhaps the most iconic hip-hop song of all time, Public Enemy’s classic protest anthem Fight The Power. Any fan of film would be foolish to skip the Spike Lee catalog, but regardless of whether you’re interested in his work or not, this film is one of two he made that should flatly be considered required viewing across the board. The other one, being...

1. Malcolm X (1992) For everything that Do the Right Thing did for Spike Lee and those involved in the production, the monumentally powerful biopic Malcolm X did all of that while also managing to humanize, canonize and create and icon out of a man that America tried its best to demonize. The masterful hand that Lee used to direct this film shows, as this film is the most ‘every frame a painting’ in his canon. Everything from the period costuming to the locations to the dance numbers to the cinematography absolutely leaps off of the screen. The editing is kinetic, the performances are full of life and depth, and the narrative does just enough going forwards and backwards to make proper connections without beating it over the head of the viewer. The respect shown to Malcolm X is massive, so much so that almost seemingly overnight, Malcolm X went from being a feared and often heavily criticized sign of aggressive blackness to a commercial commodity and household name, with the famous X suddenly adorning t-shirts, baseball caps and necklaces of all American youth, not just minorities. The impact of this film was so immediate that many schools held field trips for viewings, which further cemented the immediate and historical value of the film. Often, the connotation of saying someone ‘peaked’ for a film so early in their career would be negative, but the heights to which Malcolm X achieved on all fronts meant that even if the rest of Lee’s career was a steady decline (which it certainly wasn’t), he more than likely still would have ended up in a pantheon far above that of the average director.

With projects reportedly in the early stages of development, it doesn’t look like Spike Lee has any plans on stopping anytime soon. I certainly owe it to myself to see the handful of his films and documentaries that I’ve not seen yet... who knows, perhaps I may even go back one day and add the documentaries into the list, or find a surprise gem in one of his more recent movies I’ve yet to see.

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thezodiaczone · 4 years ago

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Aries Compatibility

ARIES + ARIES (MARCH 21 - APRIL 19) You're two high-strung, passionate Fire signs who both like to be the Alpha dominant. As such, you'll need to toss the hot potato back and forth, submitting to the other's rule—at times through gritted teeth. Acquiescence may not come naturally, but it builds a necessary trust. Aries is a paradox: you're the zodiac's infant (its first sign) and its gallant hero (you're ruled by warrior Mars). You want to save the world and be saved at the same time. You'll need to occasionally allow yourself to play wounded knight or damsel in distress, and let your mate charge to your rescue. However, don't spiral into neurotic helplessness or analysis paralysis. Nobody can beat a topic to death quite like you can—but that's what therapists are for, Aries. Neither one of you can be saddled with the emotional care and feeding of an adult baby. You're too independent for that. When your problems gain too much mental gravitas, it's time to move—literally. Disperse your Martian angst and anger with lots of physical exertion. As fellow adventurers, you travel well together. Try snowboarding, exotic bike tours, Costa Rican rainforest expeditions. Passionate sex is another antidote to prickly feelings for your high-touch sign. Like Aries Hugh Hefner, you have a champion libido (and an awesome sense of entitlement). Some Aries couples may mutually agree to flex the terms of your monogamy, although the jealousy it stirs might not be worth the trouble.

ARIES + TAURUS (APRIL 20 - MAY 20) The stubborn Bull locks horns with the willful Ram, nostrils flaring, heads bowed in determination. So begins a fierce but fiery courtship, as splashy and menacing as a Pamplona stampede. Aggression, however uncivilized, is part our Darwinian natures. It certainly is for your signs—who possess an arsenal of steamrolling tactics, from doe-eyed charm to old-fashioned philistine strong-arming. No weak-willed mate will survive your natural selection process. Nor should he. Neither one of you feels safe in the arms of a mate who can't protect you. Thus, your initial faceoff is simply a warning shot: Show me your strength so I can trust you. Once the fanfare is over, you make a great team—like British pop royalty Victoria (Aries) and David (Taurus) Beckham.

As tight as two mafiosos, you like to dress up and flaunt your natural superiority over the rest of the animal kingdom. The deal is sweet for both of you. Taurus gets an attractive show pony and a lusty mate to satisfy his Earthy libido. Aries has a lifelong provider and benefactor to supply creative freedom and endless playtime. Issues can arise if Taurus grows too possessive or tries to tame independent Aries. Indulgent Taurus will need to remain active to keep pace with the energetic Ram (read: lay off the nightly steak frites and vino). You both crave attention, but don't go looking for it outside the relationship, unless you want a real showdown. Like two tots in a nursery, you share a favorite word: Mine!

ARIES + GEMINI (MAY 21 - JUNE 20) ♥♥♥♥ You're the best of friends, so why not throw in some benefits? You certainly can…but not so fast. Your common traits are exactly what can snuff the spark before it combusts. Namely: impetuous, reckless, unstoppable drive for instant gratification. You want what you want, and you want it NOW. Sure, the adrenaline you evoke from trading edgy banter, bungee jumping, or playing footsie under the conference table might convince you that you're soulmates. However, this attitude will lead to an inchoate relationship, with the two of you skydiving into City Hall before you even know each other's middle names. It doesn't all come out in the wash, so check that laissez-faire attitude when you're ring shopping on the second date. That said, you do have the makings of a great match that's rooted in true friendship, intellectual chemistry and fun. The key is to pace yourselves and to continuously bring new adventures to the table. Boredom is the enemy; it leads to cat-and-mouse games and mental chess matches with each other. Remain active: get involved in a political campaign, build houses for the poor, take an eco-tour or scuba lessons. Host and attend lots of parties with your mutual friends, and busy yourselves with projects that satisfy your short attention spans. Above all, don't turn to each other for advice, unless you like impatient, tough-love coaching and draining circular conversations. Not exactly the soothsaying your sweetie needs in a rare vulnerable moment.

ARIES + CANCER (JUNE 21 - JULY 22) Aries is the zodiac's baby (its first sign); Cancer is its matriarch, ruling the fourth house of motherhood, home and family. Is this relationship doomed to be an Oedipal cliche? Not if you temper these traits through steady, conscious self-development. Otherwise, you easily lapse into automatic roles that polarize you into a parent-child (or master-and-servant) dynamic. Aries can be selfish—not maliciously, but in a crude, clueless style that leaves Cancer resentful and dismayed at the Ram's lack of nuance. Cancer knows how to play the nurturing giver, but this delicate sign needs room to be vulnerable, too. Aries loves to be coddled, but Cancer's maternal indulgences will create a spoiled brat or a demanding diva. Besides, while the Crab may have a tough outer shell, the true warrior is Aries, ruled by aggressive Mars. Your differences are many: Aries is a diehard independent and Cancer is a family guy; Aries needs freedom, the Crab's possessive grip clings tight. You'll need to compromise, or else the relationship can turn into a competitive, jealous hotbed. You can both brood with the best of them, and your dark days eclipse even the tiniest sliver of hope. Talk about depressing. Swear off the silent treatment and learn to communicate as two adult equals.

ARIES + LEO (JULY 23 - AUGUST 22) Aries and Leo are Fire signs who love drama, passion and extreme adventure. You're a flashy, outspoken duo that plays by your own bold agenda. Restless souls, you need lots of physical and intellectual stimulation—politics, inspiring conversations, startup businesses—you'll juggle them all, making it look so easy. Of course, your emotional meltdowns require a team of therapists and devoted friends to fix, and you should keep those folks on speed dial. Adrenaline is your favorite drug; no surprise Aries Jennifer Garner and Leo Ben Affleck fell in love while co-starring in the action flick Daredevil. Like this Hollywood pair, who refuses to walk the red carpet together on principle, you respect each other's autonomy. Fire signs are by nature independent. You both need to make your own mark on the world, and you don't like anyone stealing your shine. In fact, trouble starts when one of you eclipses the other's big moment or makes the other look foolish in public. Rule number one: don't compete. With your rash tempers, it won't end well. Instead, be each other's biggest fans and champions. As the relationship progresses, put more effort into dressing up, especially if you become parents. Because you're so comfortable together, you could end up bumming around in burp cloths and track suits, dulling the sexy edge that attracted you in the first place.

ARIES + VIRGO (AUGUST 23 - SEPTEMBER 22) The razor's edge between love and hate lives in this common but contradictory coupling. Your attraction feels so fated, it's impossible to resist. Fire-sign Aries loves freedom and risk, but helplessly falls for prudent, parental Virgo, an Earth sign landlocked by practicality and protocol. The tips of Virgo's gossamer wings are singed by Aries' flame—yet, into the fire the Virgin flutters. Both signs have a hero complex, and this relationship centers around fixing each other, or exposing the other to new ways of life. For the first six to twelve months, it's exhilarating. Arduous Aries hand-delivers Virgo's sexual awakening with passion that's tender and all-consuming. Cautious Virgo teaches the impetuous Ram how to slow down, prepare and look both ways before crossing. New facets of your personalities unearth themselves—how lovely! Once the hormone flood is no longer at high tide, however, there are glaring differences to negotiate. Virgo's well-intentioned criticisms feel like a character assault to Aries ("who cares how I fold my T-shirts? I'm still a good person!"). Aries' myopic selfishness makes Virgo feel resentful and unappreciated—especially after hours of listening to the Ram's diatribes with the patience of a paid analyst. At this point, you realize that you've spent way too much time together, and you've lost touch with the outside world. Roll out of bed and reconnect with your individual friends, hobbies and interests. Trust that the other one will be there when you return.

ARIES + LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 - OCTOBER 22) ♥♥♥♥ You're opposite signs who can match up well, but you sometimes baffle one another, too. Aries rules the self and Libra rules relationships. Libra is a lover; Aries is a fighter. Your polar extremes can be a great complement if you borrow what the other does best. Rash, temperamental Aries could stand to give others the benefit of the doubt, to look before leaping—something the wise Judge does well. Languid, overly accommodating Libra can learn to speak up, say no, and take action instead of pondering the possible consequences for a year. Although your differences can be irritating, they also make you a well-rounded couple if you play them right. When Aries needs to rant, patient Libra offers uninterrupted listening, capped with sage, sensible feedback. In return, Aries helps Libra overcome a mortal fear of conflict, teaching this sign how to stand up for his rights. As parents, or even business partners, you play the good cop/bad cop routine like seasoned pros. Just be willing to adjust your internal thermostats as needed. Hotheaded Aries will need to dial down the anger, lest all that concentrated emotion throw Libra's scales off balance. Erudite Libra will need to descend from that lofty, cultured perch and take a bold risk. (No, Aries does NOT consider ten years a reasonable time to wait for an engagement ring—and never will.) Compromise is essential for you to find a rhythm.

ARIES + SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 - NOVEMBER 21) Aries' ruler, passionate Mars, also wields minor command over Scorpio (whose main overlord is Pluto). Fierce physical attraction draws your signs together, but it's a game of sexual gunpowder and erotic explosives. Not that either of you is afraid of such things. No sign is as darkly intense as watery Scorpio. When mixed with Aries' concentrated fire-power, you stir up quite the hydroelectric charge. However, this match can only last if Scorpio has evolved from a ground-dwelling, vengeful scorpion into an elevated "eagle" state. Here's the fundamental challenge: Aries takes; withholding Scorpio takes away. When Aries reaches out his grasping hand, Scorpio's first instinct is to jump back, which wounds the sensitive Ram. Aries energy is consuming, which leaves Scorpio weak-kneed but scared. Aries will need to temper the raw desire, or at least mask it to avoid overwhelming Scorpio. Jealous Scorpio will need to stop Google-stalking Aries and hiring private detectives whenever the independent Ram goes out for a beer with friends. One way in which you're alike? You're both hyper-sensitized to abandonment, and may even shun each other in a self-protection paradox: "Go away before you leave me." (This tactic only guarantees another hot reunion tryst.) Selfishness can also be this couple's downfall. Scorpio is the sign that rules other people's resources—his karmic job is to create wealth from another man's pocket. Aries is simply born entitled. In a sense, you both live by the credo "What's mine is mine; what's yours is mine." Who will refill the coffers once you empty them?

ARIES + SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22 - DECEMBER 21) ♥♥♥♥ Chemistry and simpatico build fast between these two Fire signs, and you find a twin soul in each other. You're both independent explorers, driven by lust, joie de vive and a breathtaking moxie that others mistake for arrogance. That brio and derring-do is the badge of your spiritual kinship—a primal mating call that draws you together. You share a blunt sense of humor, and naturally understand the other's need for space and autonomy (at least at first). Thrilling conversations traipse expansive terrain: philosophy, art, human nature, science, spirituality, dreams. Together, the impossible feels probable, and your natural confidence soars higher. Caution: the view from your rosy lenses can be a bit myopic. Sagittarius is a gambler and Aries is a charging knight—neither thinks far ahead. You'll need crash insurance for the times that your grand schemes don't reach your projections. At moments, you both lapse into overthinking, which can kill the celebratory vibe. Aries also has a greater need to for coddling and personal attention. At times, the Ram may resent competing with Sagittarius' busy career, social schedule and hobbies—and Sagittarius gets impatient with Aries' needy spells. When angered, your burning tempers can raze a national forest to ash. Be careful not to unleash a spiteful spark, for that's all it takes to destroy this treasured landscape.

ARIES + CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 - JANUARY 19) Aries is the Alpha in most relationships, but here the Ram meets his match. In the Goat, Aries finds a more seasoned pack leader, and backs into a rare state of obedience. This weighty respect comes from Capricorn's ruler, wise old Saturn, the planet of maturity, authority and command. Capricorn is the zodiac's father sign; Aries is its firstborn child. It's the difference between a king and a knight, a queen and a duchess. Both are noble, but one is clearly the elder. This can be a dealbreaker for Aries in some cases, as too much paternalism makes this independent sign run for freedom. However, it usually works. Although Aries can be a hellish brat, Capricorn is unruffled and even amused by the tantrums, giving Aries space to act out. If you accept your cosmic roles, you can make excellent partners in both love and business. Aries is ruled by warrior Mars, and Capricorn is a four-star general by nature. You both see life as a battlefield to conquer, and with Aries' grit and Cap's determination, there's no goal you can't achieve. Earthy Capricorn excels at structure and planning, and is the terra firm beneath the Ram's restless hooves. Fiery Aries is a daring playmate who amuses, excites and entertains the sober Goat, especially in the bedroom (where Capricorn has a lesser-known lusty side). Aries is a flirt, and this can spark jealousy in traditional Capricorn. Over time, trust and mutual respect abolish the Goat's fears, and you make supportive lifelong partners.

ARIES + AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20 - FEBRUARY 18) ♥♥♥♥ You're laugh-a-minute friends who make a fine comedic duo, but the romance isn't as hearty as your side-splitting guffaws. You're amazed by how quickly the other delivers a hilarious comeback or a clever opinion, and it turns you on. Banter leads you to the bedroom fast, where the sex is playful and experimental (though not heavy on the emotional connection). It's as though you've met your twin; and alas, you may soon feel more like siblings than lovers. After a couple weeks, the Bickersons sideshow routine gets old, especially for Aries, and you run out of things to talk about. While casual Aquarius likes to keep the conversation light, Aries has intense, brooding spells that demand way too much emotional attention. For Aquarius, problems are solved with steely logic or left alone, but Aries is unable to curb obsessive thinking, which drives Aquarius mad. Your styles of affection are different, too. Cool Aquarius gets overwhelmed by the Ram's passion and physicality—there's way too much touching, grabbing and kissing for the airy Aquarian temperament. If you're determined to be together, push yourselves to go beyond platonic borders by traveling, taking classes, even performing on stage together. Closeness breeds more ennui than affection. Cultivate mystery through time apart. Your independent signs need to develop your own lives, then reunite with thrilling tales from the road.

ARIES + PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 - MARCH 20) Aries is the zodiac's first sign, Pisces its last. You're the Alpha and the Omega, the dawn and the sunset. You're as far apart and as close together as two signs can get. Although your differences are vast, you also have a broad expanse of material from which to fashion your relationship. Your polar positions can actually make you a great match. Aries loves to be adored and spoiled, and generous Pisces will give everything in the name of love. In Pisces' worshipful gaze, Aries feels brilliant and boundless, and his insecurities melt away. This is important for the sensitive Ram, whose "wounded soldier" archetype is healed by the Pisces nurse. In this relationship, Aries is free to follow his natural hunting instincts; Pisces prepares a banquet from his conquests. The danger: You both have vivid imaginations, but with two dreamers at the helm of this romance, the ship can veer off course. Aries is a take-charge leader, but needs a strong second mate. Bravado and confidence don't come easy to insecure Pisces, who falls into feigned helplessness under duress. Moody spells are common for your signs, and digging yourselves out of emotional ditches can be a challenge. You'll need a council of advisors to help you manage aspects of daily life—accountants, lawyers, coaches, therapists. Aries can be naturally aggressive, where Pisces is passive or passive-aggressive. You'll need to adapt your communication styles in order to be heard.

#aries #compatibility #astrology #zodiac #love #relationships #aries compatibility

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momtemplative · 5 years ago

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Summertime.

Summertime is fucking awesome for a kid.

I remember entire days—chunks of days— that were spent at the pool, with Will Smith’s SummaSummaSummaTime bumping through the loud speakers while we ate nachos with fake cheese for lunch with our wrinkly, chlorine-sodden fingers. For months, everything smelled with a hint of chlorine and freedom. Open expanses of time were glorious.

Then I had kids.

With kids and summer, there is a lot to consider, a grand choreography to uphold. I always lose sleep before summer. It feels as if my role jumps from “parent” to “coordinator of peace and good times for three straight months,” (even typing all that was exhausting), where everyone is entertained, but not too entertained, happy, but not overly happy, everyone has a routine, but plenty of time for spontaneity, and so on! YAY!

Like all grand puppet-masters, I feel deeply anxious before the show even begins. Damn you, summer!

Summer is just the right length where we can get through it, at times gliding through mercifully, at times, hanging on to all the tow-ropes and oh-shit handles we can find along the way. The number of kid meltdowns and sibling fista-cuffs greatly increases as we near the finish line. The phrase, “We’ll try and get you some space,” is utilized daily. Then, when school starts again, we all heave a sigh of relief that is audible for blocks.

I wasn’t fully aware of the amount of time and energy that went to keeping the machine-of-summer afloat. Until COVID and our involuntary exposure therapy. We were thrust into “summer” two-and-a-half months early, without warning and without any external supports. It felt like some bizarre test in endurance. Like our human capacity for resilience was being evaluated for future generations. There was no more just getting through. We were thrown in way too deep for that. We had to figure out how to function, how to grow and maintain sanity because, for this version of summer, there really is no finish line.

After the first two COVID-weeks of being at home with the kids, no work or school (or online school at that point), no activities or playdates, no outside world to depend on, I fell apart. As in, to pieces—the way one does when they are trying to hold everything together. The uptick in fights, tantrums and explosive emotions, with no end in sight, was too much to process.

After a few hours of wallowing, I picked myself up and pulled down a pile of books from the shelf that have added perspective in the past—Siblings without Rivalry, The Wisdom of No Escape, Care of the Soul. The words were nice, but nothing cut through the wall of despondency. So I pulled out my phone and searched “Siblings Fighting” on my Janet Lansbury podcast, smearing tears as I went.

(A note here on Janet Lansbury. As a parent of young kids, no one person has benefited my faculties, mental health and wit more than Janet. Her podcast is rich with real-life wisdom that changes the experience of parenthood for the better.)

In the random sibling-titled podcast that I discovered—from years ago, but still, obviously, totally current—Janet was replying to a woman who had three young kids and was losing her mind trying to maintain tranquility in her house. The woman said something to the effect of, it would have been so much easier if I’d only had one.

To this, Janet replied with what felt, to me, like a beautiful and classic snap-out-of-it moment. She said, No. I disagree. Followed by something to the order of this: When you have one child, you can still live under the illusion that you can keep everyone happy. When you have two kids, you start to see that it’s really tough, damn near impossible, to keep everyone happy and peaceful, but you may still try. With three kids, you have the gift of experiencing first hand that the jig is up! No matter what kind of tiny-statue-winning show you maintain, there is no way in hell you can keep three young kids peaceful all the time. So you are forced to stop trying.

I came to the conclusion that COVID is my third child.

And with that thought—like the scene in Mary Poppins where the messy room gets magically tidied as if from an internal intelligence all its own—my insides were completely fresh, organized, and updated. My energy quadrupled.

With the externals turned down, with nowhere to go, and all of us cohabiting the same tiny shoebox of a house, it’s not going to be business-as-usual for quite some time. And we’ll all fare better with adjusted expectations. We are all in a fishbowl and, while clocking in endless hours together, I saw right-quick the laundry lists of things I feigned having control of: my girls and their interactions, potty training for Ruth, the weather (which rules if we can or cannot get outside), my mood, Jesse’s mood.

Janet says, wake up expecting turmoil—then you won't make it your job to live free of it, get rid of it, fix it, numb it. Discord is healthy. Emotions are healthier. Don’t dive in and ride the waves with your kids, stand back and watch, give them space, be there for them to come back to shore. The last thing they need is a mom who is also out of breath, scraped up and with sand in her ears. I don’t need to be Queen Empress of their journey as siblings. I don’t need to have a say in every nuance, every detail and pixel of this habitat.

And, she says, give yourself permission to flounder, too. Always, but especially right now. Some moments just feel brutally claustrophobic—we can be ready for that. A few days ago, I started crying while Jesse was giving me a shoulder massage. No warning, just did. I had a major-headache and I couldn’t think straight. Opal said, “Mom, are you crying?” SO defensive, I said, “I feel like I’m under a magnifying glass!” and ran out of the room. And sometimes it just goes like that. (I apologized to Opal soon thereafter.) If my emotions are coming out sideways like this—at 42 and with thousands of dollars under my belt spent on therapy—imagine what our sweet kiddos are going through!

And sometimes things settle organically into their rightful place, without force or manipulation. Today, I was lying on the floor in the hallway—not an unusual sight in the middle of the day for me to have my legs up a wall for a short period of time. This time, Ruth was in the bathroom in the tub, the door open to my right. She was acting out a full drama with her Elsa and Anna barbies. Opal was behind her bedroom door, which was closed, reachable by raising my right arm. She was doing her singing lessons over Skype, crooning her gorgeous little heart out. Jesse was behind door number three, our closed bedroom door, easily reached by my left hand. He was talking on the phone in hushed tones to who-knows-who. Three completely separate worlds were happening peacefully, simultaneously, all within my arm’s reach. It was a tiny little subculture, and I was in the middle, observant and spacious, not expending even the slightest molecule of energy.

If anything, I was bolstered as a part of this whole, the Grimes system, my family. And there were a few cherished minutes to get lost inside of that settled feeling, which is becoming less and less rare, before Ruth hollered that she needed to pee and I snapped back to attention.

So here we are, nearing the end of the first official week of summer. No public pool or Will Smith or finger-paint-yellow nacho cheese. I can’t quite fathom a summer without any of the norms—camps and playdates and travel. For now, no public places, parks, or our blessed little library.

Things are starting to slowly open again, though I suppose they have been for weeks now. We have taken two magnificent walks with our close friends—socially distanced and masked. It’s still strange, but a step forward, no doubt. Cultivating moments of connection like these, situations hinged in community—even if virtual—are key in maintaining some sense of equanimity as time moves forward.

(PS: This is utterly different from the work of the puppet-master.)

Though time feels anything but linear. I flash-forward to the image of my daughters ten, twenty, years from now, reminiscing about the COVID era with their friends. (Six feet apart on walks, remember? The masks, OMG, the MASKS!) I think back to when I was a kid and scour the already-murky memories for some example of a comparable viewpoint, something I can offer to my girls, tell them I had been through something similar when I was their age. But I come up with nothing, nada.

We are all writing this story as we go.

May 27, 2020

#momtemplative #mindfulparenting #COVIDwords #summertime

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badgestay · 6 years ago

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The worst part of it all, he’s found, is the signs.

Winona designs everything for the campaign, because it’s what she’s good at anyway. Free of charge, she tells him, elbowing him gently in the ribs, but you have to do all the heavy lifting. You and whatever deputies you’re dragging into this, anyway, because I know how you are about them. So she gets the designs done, and then it’s down to him and two deputies in their garage or their backyard to spray them down. It’s down to Garrett to do the canvassing, too, and the nuances of the ground game, and everything else he just didn’t want to touch with his bare hands. Win jokes that she’s the mastermind behind the whole campaign and he’s the one out here doing all the difficult parts.

She’s probably right about that. Garrett certainly feels it at some points more than others.

Like now, him back home far too late and his ankles aching from walking up and down rows of suburban houses. He could barely identify his own house on the way back, all of them the same, and drove about one house further than he should before he swore a blue streak and turned back around. The whole day has been blending into itself, a wash of paperwork and then driving down a few streets, booking one guy for a DUI at ten in the morning, and endless doors and lawns and doors and lawns and —

So the boys are both asleep by the time he gets home. He knows just from what lights are on and which are off in the windows, so he takes his time getting inside, opening the door softly. It doesn’t even creak, and he shuts it just as quietly, the screen door only clattering a little with the impact. He’s in the middle of working off his shoes, leaning up against the wall in order to not topple with how much he’s aching, when something creaks. His head snaps up on instinct, the sound enough to make all the worst parts of his brain, all the parts that are pure cop and not much else, light up. But he knows better. It’s just the silhouette of his wife, framed and a shadow in the light from the kitchen.

“Jesus Christ, Win,” he manages. “You scared the shit out of me.”

He can hear the fact that she’s smiling just in her voice as she moves closer. “You’re really late. Work or the campaign?”

“Campaign.” Garrett finishes working off his shoes. Win leans back to give him space to shift past her into the kitchen. “Just canvassing. Swear to God I’m not any good at talking to people, but most of them seem pretty happy with my suggestions. We’ll see in a few months.” He glances wistfully over at the coffeemaker. It’s really his more than anyone else’s. Win doesn’t like coffee, and especially doesn’t like how much he drinks. But it is, as she calls it, a necessary evil at this point. Not enough sleep. Too much to do.

His wife prods him in the back of the spine, something he can barely feel through the vest and the uniform. “Hey. I’ll make you tea so you aren’t tempted to drink coffee at - what, eleven o’clock? Go take off all that shit and sit down before you fall over.”

Garrett laughs a little to himself. The sound is more hoarse than it should be. He’s been talking too much, over radios and televisions and even just into the radio, competing with the engine of his patrol car. “Alright.” For just a quick moment, as he turns back, he catches her in a small kiss. She allows at least that much before pushing him back towards the doorway. “I’m going, I’m going — if you make some of that herbal tea shit without telling me I am going to dump it back down the drain.”

“You’re going to drink what I fucking give you,” Win snaps, “and you’re going to be happy about it.” There’s no real venom behind it, and her tone warps into something more amused than anything by the last few words. She’s tired too. Raising two boys is more difficult than they ever thought it would be, especially when they were mostly expecting one. But he makes just enough money for it to be viable, and he loves his boys more than anything else in the world. Knew that from the moment he was there in the hospital, in tears over his sons, and every day since then has been harder than the last. There’s good things too - wonderful things, the best days of his life - but it all just drains him like there is no tomorrow to look forward to.

He has to creep past the boys’ room, and he doesn’t even dare to open the door. Win would rightfully kill him if one of them started crying right now.

Some of the aches and pains ease once he’s out of the uniform and into anything more comfortable. People don’t realize how heavy Kevlar is until they’re wearing it. In times of duress the pressure is reassuring, but by the end of the shift, it’s just something you want to strip off as fast as possible. By the time he makes it out back to the living room, he can hear Win swearing at the kettle, managing to turn the stove off in time to keep it from whistling too loudly. The television is playing the local news station, which really isn’t local. It’s Rapid City’s news, and sometimes some bits about Deadwood.

He settles on his end of the couch as Win moves into the living room, balancing two mugs in her hands. Then he squints at the label on the teabag, trying to discern what it is, and has to watch as his wife imperiously tilts the cup towards her so it’s just out of sight. “No,” she says, like she’s talking to one of their kids. “Don’t ask questions. Just sit down and drink.”

Garrett eyes it for a moment. “You’re lucky I love you so much,” he decides.

She sits down next to him and he takes the mug closest to him. They clink the rims together like they’re drinking fucking priceless champagne. “Cheers,” she says, deadpan, and he laughs softly.

The tea’s terrible. It’s definitely herbal, and it’s probably the worst thing she’s forced him to try yet, but he drinks it anyway.

That night, after checking on the boys just once, gentler than he’s ever had a chance to be in his whole fucking life, he imagines patterns in the ceiling. He imagines that all of this fits together, somehow, sealed in all the right places, and that it might be able to last for the rest of his life. He imagines the rest of his life, like that, like this, terrible herbal tea and aching soles and his wife’s arm thrown across him like she’s trying to keep him from getting out of bed in a few hours to face the day.

Like this might be worth it, eventually. Like this all might be okay, in the end, whatever the end actually means.

#THE BAD STUFF KEEPS HAPPENING / * narrative.

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the-pancake-writes · 7 years ago

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Snippet: Prince Yugi/Bodyguard Atem AU 3 - An Intimate Conversation

Sequel to “The Forbidden Little Book”

For a complete overview check the contents page

If you saw this post you already know about this AU of mine. The title basically says it all. Prince Yugi, body guard Atem, forbidden love, drama. ;D

I have an alarm for @spiritualpuzzleshipper and in case anyone else wants to get tagged whenever I post a new snippet let me know. ;D Thank you to @tsukimilog because a long time ago we talked about castles in snow and it inspired part of this. You probably don’t remember because it was so long ago but I still wanted to thank you. ^^

Enjoy~

Yugi carried the little blue book with him at all times, fearing someone could find it otherwise. He smuggled it into his bedroom every night and for a little while he was drowning in excitement, arousal, and satisfaction. But soon afterwards, those emotions were tainted by the guilt of having failed the god's expectations for him. Yet, Yugi found himself unable to resist that craving and soon he had memorised every page of the book's first section.

“I'm a disgrace”, Yugi mumbled one morning as he was preparing himself for the day in his study. He placed the little, blue book into a leather folder and stuffed it with a few papers he wouldn't need today. He grabbed a few other files and left his chambers. He almost bumped into Atem when he turned around a corner.

“Good morning, my prince”, Atem said and bowed.

“G-Good morning.”

“Did you sleep badly again? You look tired.”

“Nothing to worry about, really”, Yugi said and wiped the corners of his eyes.

“I just wanted to ask if you'd still like to take your weekly ride after your meeting.”

“I'd love to. But it could take a while I'm afraid. There's a lot to talk about”, Yugi said and nodded at the folders in his arms.

“That's no issue at all. I'll be waiting for you, my prince”, Atem said with a smile that Yugi wished he could look at all day. He had to remind himself of where he was supposed to go.

“Then see you later”, Yugi said and walked past him. He followed more corridors into a conference room with a long table and a dozen chairs. Only his mother sat at the head of the table, his grandfather to her left.

“I'm sorry to keep you waiting”, Yugi said and took seat to the queen's right. A butler poured Yugi a cup of tea and withdrew. Yugi arranged his documents, the leather folder at the very bottom.

“We shall begin with some good news”, the queen said. “Lord Otogi will arrive from Kallias in a few weeks. Once he's here he can start teaching you about his country right away.”

“That's good news indeed”, Yugi said. The royal family of Dareia had few friends at the Kallian court and even fewer who had been willing to be Yugi's ally at the upcoming mission. As an island nation, Kallias's culture had developed differently from the continent's. There was a lot of knowledge books couldn't provide about customs and gestures and all the little nuances that differed from the continent.

“Are we sure we can trust Lord Otogi?”, his grandfather said to the queen. Her expression hardened.

“To an extent, yes.”

“You must admit that's not exactly reassuring”, his grandfather said as politely as possible. “Then again, how sure can we be when we talk about Kallians, not to mention their nobles…”

“Can we be any surer within the continental alliance?”, Yugi said. “I think it were the Eurodokians who broke the trade agreement you worked out with them a few years ago?”

“That was different. Within the continent this happens once in a few years. In Kallias people are killed on a daily basis! The royal palace isn't known for nothing as the court of a thousand daggers. Yugi, I've been there.”

“During the civil war. Which has been over for years now”, Yugi said and sighed. “Look, I'm not naïve. I know we have few friends in Kallias and that there is truth in your words. I'm also aware of the cultural differences between our countries. But I know what's at stake here and I refuse to let my fears or prejudices result in a war.”

His grandfather sipped on his tea and took a deep breath.

“I know you're strong and smart, Prince Yugi. I'm just worried about you and Dareia. Kallians aren't known for their loyalty.”

“Well, Atem is half Kallian. And you yourself have called him one of the finest and most loyal soldiers you've ever seen. Isn't that right?”, Yugi said.

“That it is”, his grandfather said and placed his cup on its saucer.

“I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about you as well”, the queen said. “But I also know the empress will only listen to the requests of another royal. Besides, you're careful, open-minded, and kind. I know the Kallians will believe I sent an angel to their court.”

Yugi's cheeks glowed and his fingers dug into the leather folder that contained his secret.

“H-How is the correspondence with the other nations going, mother?”

“Not well”, she said and picked up a letter in front of her. “Thanos has been blocking shipments of metal to Eurodokia. Obviously, another provocation we can't give into. Eurodokia especially would be at a disadvantage if it came to an armed conflict. Most of the metal shipments were supposed to go into the few weapon factories they have.”

In the middle of the table, a map was spread out. Eurodokia lay at the western end of the continent. To its north lay a few islands that were territory of Thanos. That was probably where they were withholding the shipments from overseas for some made-up reason.

General Sennen had estimated that Dareia would last a year in war under good circumstances – and Dareia was the best-equipped country of the continent. Then how quickly would Eurokia fall…? Yugi didn't want to imagine the piles of corpses Thanos would leave behind.

“Another reason why your mission becomes more important every day”, the queen said to Yugi. “You need to learn all you can from Lord Otogi about Kallias. Empress Mai is known to be…difficult so the advice from someone who knows her personally is even more valuable.”

Yugi's posture straightened.

“I'll do everything within my power to convince her of siding with the continental alliance, mother.”

“I'm sorry I have to put this burden on you”, the queen said and gently squeezed Yugi's arm. Now she gave him the concerned look of a mother. “I wish I could go myself. But I need to stay in close contact with the continent now and if it should come to a war…”

Her face twisted in worry. The imagination sent a cold shiver over Yugi's back. The continent had been at peace for 150 years… He had grown up believing it would always be like that…

“Well, there's no use in being afraid”, the queen said and turned to his grandfather. “We have more matters to talk about, I think?”

~~~

When the meeting was over, Yugi's mind was a swirl of numbers, facts, and names. He knew a ride would be perfect to clear his head. He changed into his riding attire and a purple cloak. He stuffed the blue, little book into his vest pocket before making his way to the stables.

“My prince, my prince!”, two familiar voices called when Yugi was adjusting his gloves. From a balcony, Rebecca and Vivian were waving at him with broad grins. Yugi returned the gesture and kept walking before they could ask to accompany him.

Atem was already waiting in the stables. Their horses, a sand-coloured stallion for Yugi and a maroon mare for Atem, were saddled and bridled. They mounted them and trotted through the inner gardens, now and then meeting nobles who were taking a walk. Only once they had passed the gates to the outer gardens, the ride could really begin.

They spurred their horses and galloped. The paths were wider and longer and instead of barren bushes and flower beds there were only snow-capped trees. The icy wind sliced at Yugi's skin and he squinted his eyes. Now and then their horses gave a happy whinny at the speed. When they reached the Royal Lake they slowed down.

As always when he dismounted, Atem was there to cushion his fall by catching him by his hips. Usually, this made Yugi's heart skitter. But not today.

They walked along the shore of the frozen lake and stopped on a small, white bridge. Yugi soaked in the crisp air and leaned against the bannister. The snowy landscape, the blue sky looked so peaceful. Would they stay like this…?”

“In a few months all the birds should return from the south. Then we can feed the ducks again”, Atem said.

“Hmm.”

Silence.

“Is something wrong, my prince?”, Atem said. Yugi sighed.

“So much”, he said. “If I fail in Kallias, there will be war. Every life, both commoners and nobles, even the cats we petted at the hospital…they all depend on me…”

Yugi hid his face in his hands. It was as if he was carrying a rock on his shoulders that would cause endless destruction if he dropped it.

“I can only imagine what the pressure must be like”, Atem said. “But I know you're smart and kind and strong and that noble from Kallias will teach you everything else.”

“But what if that's not enough?”, Yugi said and turned to him. “What if I'm not enough?”

Atem's eyes were wide but a moment later his expression softened. He placed his hands on Yugi's upper arms and a pleasant shiver went through Yugi.

“My prince, I have faith in you. You're so hard-working and caring and everyone who knows you loves you. And whatever happens I'm here for you.”

Yugi swallowed the lump in his throat. He looked around but except for their horses they were alone.

“I know it might be inappropriate…but do you think you could…hold me…? Just for a moment”, Yugi whispered. Atem's cheeks flushed but he smiled.

“Of course.”

Both were hesitant in their moves and chuckled nervously but a moment later they had wrapped their arms around each other. Yugi leaned his cheek against Atem's shoulder and took a deep breath. Atem's body was so warm, his arms so strong, his scent so pleasant. The pressure seemed to ease and for a little while Atem carried that rock of responsibility with him.

No one, not even his mother and grandfather, were allowed to see his self-doubts. He couldn't risk them losing faith in him or neglecting their own duties to help him. Atem was the only person who was allowed to know the truth and he would never judge Yugi or think of him as weak.

“You know, it really must have been fate when…”, Yugi said, raised his head and found his face closer to Atem's than it had ever been. Yugi's heartbeat quickened. He could see every single one of Atem's eyelashes, even a few golden spots in his crimson irises, and a faint scar above his lips. His lips…a little chapped but of such gentle, little curves… What if Yugi…?

Atem ended the hug before he could finish the thought. The cold around Yugi returned. How silly of him! Just the imagination was scandalous! No, no, it was for the better like this…but then why did his inner suddenly feel so heavy?

“S-Say, are you looking forward to seeing Kallias again? It used to be your home, after all”, Yugi said. Atem only glanced at him, as if he too was feeling ashamed. Was it because he had had a similar thought…?

“Oh…! Y-Yes, of course. It's been four years…let's see if I'll recognise it”, Atem said with an insecure laugh.

Shortly after that, they returned to the palace. During the ride Yugi did his best to keep up the conversation about Atem's life in Kallias. Over Atem's favourite food, past fashion trends, and stories of funny misunderstandings between his Kallian mother and Dareian father, the atmosphere relaxed and returned to normal.

What a silly thought it had been of Yugi…! Atem was his bodyguard, his confident, his friend. Yugi should be grateful for all that instead of craving more. It was better for both of them to let things remain as they were.

They reached the stables. Again, Atem caught Yugi by his hips when he dismounted, only this time Yugi stumbled backwards until he leaned against Atem's chest. His legs wobbled at feeling Atem's body so close a second time.

“S-Sorry”, Yugi mumbled and freed himself from Atem's wonderful arms. His knees were so shaky he wasn't sure if he'd lose balance a second time. “Th-Thank you for your company. I'm afraid I have more work to do now. See you.”

“Uhm…my prince…!”

Yugi ignored Atem and rushed back into the palace. Just when he had thought to have regained his composure, this had to happen! Was it a punishment for his thought from before? What a cruel and wonderful punishment at the same time…

In his chambers, warmth greeted him. He let a servant take off his cloak and boots while thinking that by now he was harbouring two secrets. His crush on Atem and…

“Excuse me for a moment. I'll be right back”, Yugi said and walked into his study in slippers. He had to hide the little, blue book before the servants found it while helping him change. His hands slid into his vest pocket and…

Yugi believed to be falling into a dark hole. It was empty.

“No, no, no…!”, Yugi said and checked all his pockets several times. He looked into every drawer, every folder, every place where he had hidden it at some point. But still: nothing…!

“No…! No, it can't be…!”, Yugi whispered and dropped into a chair. His mouth turned dry at the undeniable realisation: He had lost the blue, little book…!

~~~

Yugi didn't leave his study all afternoon, not even to eat. He buried himself in his work but his thoughts always ended up with the little book. Where had he lost it? Who had found it by now? Was it already a scandal that travelled from one wing to another? But no one could link it back to Yugi, right? Maybe it was better like this. Now he couldn't sin at night anymore…or could he? Some of the pictures were engraved in his mind by now…

A knock made Yugi flinch.

“Y-Yes?”

A maid poked her head into the room.

“My prince, Royal Protector Sennen would like to talk to you”, she said. Yugi tilted his head. Atem never requested such things when he knew Yugi was busy.

“Let him in.”

Atem entered, closed the door behind himself, and bowed. He approached Yugi's desk, rubbing his neck. Was it about what had almost happened earlier? The blood in Yugi's veins froze.

“My prince…I…uhm…”

Yugi played with the fountain pen in his hands.

“Y-Yes…?”

“Well…I'm sorry to disturb you…may I ask you…could it be that you…lost something?”

Yugi believed to be fainting. Atem pulled something out of his vest pocket…something blue…!

Yugi shot up, snatched it out of Atem's hands, stuffed it into a drawer and shut it with a loud noise. His face was burning and had to look like on oversized cherry.

“D-Did anyone see it?”, he croaked.

“No. When you dropped it at the stables I hid it immediately.”

All of Yugi's muscles were tensed up. He wished he could just disappear with the blink of an eye.

“Please don't tell anyone”, he said and covered his eyes with his hands.

“Of course not”, Atem said and sat down on a chair. He continued in a lower voice: “If it calms you…I really don't think it's all that bad. In my opinion, people on the continent are a little too strict in that regard, at least when it comes to nobles. In Kallias no one would mind or even care.”

Yugi gulped. This was another reason why the Kallian court was considered immoral. Marriage and physical unions didn't have to be connected. Usually they didn't even wait until marriage! Like commoners! To Yugi, this had always seemed wrong. Why was it suddenly so appealing…?

“A-Atem?”, Yugi said, circled the desk and sat down next to Atem. He moved his chair as close to his as possible. “Would it… Would you… Can I ask you a few things about…that…? I'd understand if you're not comfortable with that…”

Yugi braced himself for a loud and clear “no” from Atem. But he only gave Yugi a slightly confused look.

“Uhm…I'm more surprised than uncomfortable. If you're fine with it…what do you want to know?”, he said. Yugi took a deep breath.

“H-How can this be? How can the Kallians justify these things when the gods say that nobles can only rule well when they always think rationally and resist the…temptations of the flesh…?”

“Well…on the continent people believe the new version of the Sacred Scrolls. In Kallias, we still believe in the old ones”, Atem said. Yugi played with his silk cravat.

“And what exactly do the old ones say about…this…?”

“As you know, the new ones say that living these desires out makes you revert back to a barbarian, that it's the gateway to other sins”, Atem said, his fingers running over the intricate carvings of his chair's armrest. “The old ones say that these urges are natural and that suppressing them causes more misery. They will manifest themselves in a different form, a crueller and more sinful one. So giving in is actually beneficial to your inner balance…you know?”

“Oh…that's…I never thought of it that way…”

“On the continent the subject is a taboo among nobles. Of course no one ever told you that”, Atem said in an apologetic tone.

“Y-Yes…I know how reproduction works…and when I began to grow up…I was taught about what my body was going through and…how to suppress it… I thought that phase of temptation was over but…”, Yugi said, twirling a blond strand around his finger. He looked to his feet. How could these words just stumble out of his mouth? Maybe because it was the first time someone talked to him about this without just giving him biological facts and rules for how to handle himself.

“Personally, I think there's a lot of good in the new ways but in that regard I disagree. A noble can be responsible and wise without being mostly abstinent”, Atem said. Yugi chewed his bottom lip. There was something he was so curious about he needed to ask it, even if it was inappropriate.

“A-Atem…does that mean…you already…?”, Yugi whispered, his face growing hotter with every word. Atem scratched his neck, his hand slightly wandering under his collar and revealing a small tattoo of an ancient symbol.

“Y-Yes…”

Yugi gasped both in shock and in fascination. He was so used to being untouched he had never given it much thought that many around him weren't. And the person next to him was one of them…! He knew what it was like to be this close to someone else…

“W-With a woman or a man…? If I may ask!”, Yugi said. Atem crossed his legs and played with his cuff links.

“Uhm…both…”

“Multiple?!”, Yugi said and jerked back. He took a file from his desk and fanned himself.

“N-Not all at once!”, Atem said with a red face. “It was…four in total. Two men and two women. All back in Kallias.”

Four…! The mere imagination made Yugi dizzy.

“Is…is four a lot in Kallias…?”

“For my age? No…not really”, Atem said with a nervous chuckle. Yugi was afraid to ask what “a lot” meant in Kallias.

For the first time it was hard for Yugi to accept the way things would be for him: just enough times with his future wife to father an heiress or an heir. Unless there was a reason to wish for another child it'd be scandalous if they even tried to spend another night together. And things were so different, so free for others? Yugi had to swallow his jealousy.

“A-Atem…?”, Yugi whispered and looked left and right before he asked: “What is it like…?”

Atem took a deep breath. A small grin played about his lips, which had to hint at memories.

“It's…it feels really good… I mean, when you do it right, then you feel…alive…on fire…and all you can think about is that you want more…”

Yugi had to fan himself again. How animalistic it sounded! Completely forgetting about your manners, your common sense, everything that made you human! As little as Yugi knew about the subject, he sensed that Atem's words only represented a fraction of the intensity of those feelings.

“And…what's better? Doing it with a woman or a man…?”

“Uhm…both have their advantages. With women it's…exciting to touch someone whose body is so different from your own…and with men there's…that harmony of being with someone who's physically so similar to yourself…”, Atem said. Yugi stared at Atem as he spoke, not wanting to miss one word. He had so many more questions, one more inappropriate than the other. But before he could think about, which might be the least improper, someone knocked at the door and made Yugi wince.

“My prince, it's dinner time soon”, the voice of a servant said.

“Thank you”, Yugi said and turned back to Atem. Disappointment clenched Yugi's heart.

“I suppose I should go”, Atem said. “And my prince…I really don't think you have to feel guilty for…” He nodded at the desk's drawer. “You're not harming anyone with that.”

He gave Yugi a reassuring smile before he stood up and left.

~~~

Yugi was silent all evening and went to bed early. Was his secret really not as bad as he had thought? It was true that afterwards, before the guilt overwhelmed him, Yugi felt satisfied and relaxed. Maybe it really wasn't that immoral to enjoy his own touch…

Yugi was half lying, half sitting on his bed with the candle beside him as his only light source. He was leafing through the blue, little book and while the pictures still aroused him they were familiar to him by now and the first rush of excitement had worn off. He reached the section of the book, which only featured women.

Yugi had to admit that he had never given homosexuality much thought. Of course relationships between two people of the same sex were just as valid as others. Only last summer the court had celebrated a beautiful wedding between a countess and a duchess. The only difference Yugi had ever perceived was that no natural born children resulted from these marriages. That's why Yugi had assumed that those couples saw no need for physical love at all. While that might be true for nobles Yugi had never considered that these standards didn't apply to commoners…

Yugi flipped the page and was hit by the same wave of shock and fascination as when he had first opened the book. So that was how…! Even though the techniques were only between women it made Yugi feel dizzy to look at those illustrations. He studied every picture, gasped at some of them, until he reached the end of the section. The next one was between men. Yugi hesitated.

He had never wondered if he was interested in other men like that, given the fact that he'd have to marry a woman one day. Sure, there was his crush on Atem but the furthest he had ever considered going was a kiss, like earlier today and at the New Year's Ball. It seemed so obvious now that Yugi would also be interested in being intimate with another man, yet the realisation hit him only now.

His fingers were shaky when he turned to the next page.

“Holy…!”

Yugi dropped the book on his lap, only to pick it up a second later. The illustration showed one man on all fours with another one taking him from behind, just like the beginning of the book that had presented the “position of the week”. But men had no…so did that mean they were…?

This time the tingle didn't only sizzle through Yugi's groin but also his bottom. He pictured himself as the one on all fours…someone behind him, grabbing his hips and thrusting into him over and over… Yugi rolled over the bed, the book clutched against his chest. What a new and thrilling possibility…! Somehow even more fascinating than the first section…

He was lying on his side. His hand caressed his firm buttocks. He had never considered it but suddenly it felt like he needed it…needed to know what it was like to feel…something…in there…

Yugi's hand slid under his pants and one moment later he drew a sharp breath that gave away his pleasure.

~~~

For a few days there was a sense of awkwardness between Yugi and Atem. They avoided talking to each other and when they did, it was accompanied by nervous chuckling. But Yugi soon realised that he had been lucky that it had been Atem who had found out about his secret. He hadn't only kept it for himself. He had eased Yugi's guilt and provided him with knowledge Yugi couldn't have received from anyone else.

Yugi didn't dare to thank Atem directly for his discretion. But he got into the habit of now and then bringing him a raspberry tart (Atem's favourite) from the nobles' game rounds into the library. Blushing, Yugi only explained that it was for Atem's “excellent services”. Atem understood the gesture and the atmosphere between them returned to normal, if a little more intimate.

Yugi wondered if there was a chance to have a second conversation with Atem about the subject. There were so many things he wished to know. But he lacked the courage to just invite Atem or bring up the subject in the library…

“Prince?”, Lord Shada said and made Yugi flinch. They were sitting across from each other at a table. In front of Yugi lay an empty sheet of paper, a fountain pen in his hand. “You haven't conjugated a single verb yet. Would you mind starting?”

“Y-Yes…I mean no! I mean…I'll start”, Yugi said and looked at the book next to him.

“You seem rather absent-minded for a while now. Is it about your upcoming journey to Kallias?”, Lord Shada said.

“That it is”, Yugi lied without looking at him.

A knock sounded. Yugi and Lord Shada exchanged confused looks.

“Come in”, Lord Shada said and a maid entered.

“I'm sorry to disturb your lesson. But Lord Otogi just arrived at the palace. Your presence is required to welcome him, my prince”, she said. Yugi's eyes widened.

“Already? Wasn't his arrival scheduled in two weeks?”, he said.

“He says the wind god delivered the ship earlier to the continent than expected”, the maid said. Yugi looked at Shada.

“It seems we have to end the lesson now”, Yugi said.

“Of course. I'll join the ceremony as well.”

Yugi put down his pen, rose and followed the maid out of the room, curious about meeting his future ally in a moment.

#prince yugi au #puzzleshipping fanfiction #blindshipping fanfiction #puzzleshipping #Blindshipping #theres a historical reference hidden in this one #if anyone can spot it youll get a cookie #muhahaha #i feel so powerful having hidden a historical reference in a gay yugioh snippet #the ones after this one will be a lot shorter #because ya know #snippets are supposed to be short lol #and also its just supposed to be a small break from planning #that takes like 2 days #not 2 weeks #anyway my favourite part is the conversation in the office #hihihihihi curious naughty yugi

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bblfoods23 · 3 years ago

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Where is available the best Biscuit Machine manufacturer? - BBL Foods

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headlineawards · 7 years ago

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2018 Headline Winners [Fic Awards, Giles]

Giles Fiction Awards

The Watcher Watch Award [Best gen., Giles]

Winner - Second Sight by Il_mio_capitano “A wonderful story that grips you right from the start and doesn't let you go until you've read it all. Delightfully sarcastic humour paired with an original and suspenseful plot, what's not to like? But even more praiseworthy are the outstandingly three-dimensional characters. There's Randall - hilarious, irresponsible, infuriating, inventive, a loyal friend and an absolute moron, he practically jumps out of the page straight away. There's Giles' dad, not simply grumpy but with so many nuances and unobtrusively scattered background information, he too feels like a complete and real person. His obsession with the exact time sort of bookends the story instead of just being a random meaningless quirk. And, of course, Giles' glorious grandmother, obviously the source of the family sarcasm and such a force of nature despite her blindness - which is in itself another example of the endless richness of details in this exceptional work. Amazing.”

Runner-up - The Uxbridge English Dictionary by DHW “The Uxbridge English Dictionary affectionately captures the Season 3 Giles/Wesley rivalry in all of its obnoxious glory. Wesley’s pompous interior monologue is perfectly rendered in his battle of wits with Giles. It’s a delight to see Giles’ playful side come out in the course of the game, only to be met with unexpected comeuppance.”

The Twosome of Cuteness Award [Best romance, Giles]

Winner - Believe it Or Not (The Courtship of Rupert Giles Remix) by Thecarlysutra “What made Rupert different than Wesley? We know Rupert left home and took up with a bad crowd, but what was the impetus? Thecarlysutra's ‘Believe It or Not (The Courtship of Rupert Giles remix)’ gives us a convincing answer. We're impressed by the slow transformation of Rupert's character, from a boy excited to study the Slayer close up who, as Veronique notes is “not to me like the type that gets in trouble” to a kid who's willing to take actions that might get him into trouble with his father, and finally ending up as a young man who punches the Council leader before walking out the door. Veronique turned him into a man; the Council, by killing their Slayer, made him into Ripper. That's really well done and we can see it happening that way. The characterizations are excellent. The Council ignore Veronique but she's obviously thinking for herself right from the start. Her first words dress down the head of the Council for calling her Veronica rather than Veronique. What we found most impressive were the differing worldviews. The Council sees Slayers as temporary, like milk or fruit. Veronique describes herself as something that might not last long but improves with age, as cheese and wine. Rupert fears her impermanence and denies it. When his father confronts him, saying he'll be a widower before twenty, we see the first hints of Ripper's rage: “Rupert could feel the rage pumping through his veins, spreading through his body like disease. His hands shook.” Rupert, changing, is caught halfway between her viewpoint and the Council's but, lacking her fear of loss, is caught up in rage. Wow! We also adore the descriptions, particularly of the first sword fight between Rupert and Veronique. How his style, more like logic than fighting, is no match for Veronique who “began like a flamenco dancer, her body curving, drawing into the air, spinning away. Her bare feet were soundless on the teak floors, and the gauzy material of her dress blurred the silhouette of her body; it was like fighting a ghost.” That's an amazing description and we can see where Ripper got his fighting skills from. Veronique's time may have been short but she changed Rupert, as a fighter, as a lover, as a human.”

Runner-up - Kids Today by Quaggy “We adore how the feelings that Buffy and Giles share for each other are revealed slowly but lead inevitably to the ending. At the start, we learn that Buffy had been made younger, taken back to a pre-Slayer age, in the middle of a battle. Giles, thinking she was dying, had been first to her side and she'd calmed when she saw him before passing out. Giles had been so devastated by the thought that he'd seen her third and final death that he'd killed everyone who'd had a part in it, but Buffy hadn't died. Giles cares so much that he leaves the details of giving Buffy a new identity to the rest of the Scoobies so that he can remain at Buffy's side while she's in the hospital. He brings her daisies and reads from her favorite books. Buffy's comment that Anne wouldn't have thought Cordelia was such a romantic name if she'd met their Cordy is a lovely detail as is the idea that the Scythe reinstates Buffy's Slayer powers, allowing her to heal from a death wound. The Scoobies are surprised when Buffy asserts herself, saying that Giles has to be at high-school with her – for training purposes of course – but Giles thinks he's put himself at a disadvantage by showing Buffy that he's her most loyal ally. In fact, he's shown her that he cares and to be by Buffy's side is not a disadvantage at all. He's thrilled that she wants him there. What a sweet story.”

The Good Squirm Award [Best smut, Giles]

Winner - Crossing Lines by Littleotter73 “Buffy and Giles are both perfectly characterized in ‘Crossing Lines’. It is extremely well written from beginning to end, starting off with a power struggle between the two of them as partners in the office. It isn't long before a bold move by Buffy leads to a discovery of their mutual desires to be partners outside of the office as well, leading to a steamy office hook up. At the conclusion they find a resolution both personally and professionally, solidifying their relationship.”

Runner-up - Confluence by DHW “There's a lot going on in this part of the "Sanctuary" series! We get of course a sizzling D/s scene, in which Giles proves once more that he's the world's classiest Dom. But we also see a very different kind of sex - without rules and without hiding behind their made-up names it's new and strange for both Buffy and Giles, but no less enjoyable for the reader. The characters' voices are especially well written. Their banter is delightful and feels just really "them". Conflict sneaks in when Giles, typically, resolves that Buffy would be much better off without him, but she's having none of it. The dispute culminates in a powerful scene in which Giles literally strips (and metaphorically too), displaying a heartbreaking mix of vulnerability and defiance. So good!! We can't wait until the last part of this captivating series is out.”

The Dark Age Award [Best dark, Giles]

Winner - All Set Down by Destoto-hia873 “We are thrilled to give the award to Destoto-hia873 for ‘All Set Down’. This story is amazing. First, the mislead works incredibly well. You think you're reading about things you already know, just embellished with more details and more insight than the series offered, and that would have been a great fic in itself, but then the subtle hints that something's different, something gone even more wrong than in canon can no longer be ignored and suddenly this is no longer simply sad but alarming. Second, the build-up of suspense works well. Alternating the scenes between past and present is a brilliant move. It allows the story to drop small clues, Giles' actions after the event, and keep the reveal of what went before until the next to last scene. For example, Giles is covered in her blood, which isn't canon. Washing his “reddened hands” can't help but bring up shades of Lady Macbeth suggesting guilt. Giles hanging crucifixes and performing the uninvite spell is a fascinating clue. Obviously, he's keeping out both Angel and Spike, but we know that Spike's very protective of Dawn. The pair of caskets might be the most exceptional of the clues. We know someone has died and the clues are there, but we don't want to accept that it's Dawn. Wow! Third, the characterizations are spot on. This is exactly what Giles would have done in this situation. Every thought, every word, every movement, every action, it's all perfectly him. Watching Dawn's growing realization, that Buffy's death has not closed the portal and what must happen next, is heart-wrenching. It's devastating to see her come to the conclusion Giles has already arrived at, especially seeing her bravery and watching Giles be undone by her trust. I cried then.”

Runner-up - Epilogues by DHW “’Epilogues’ is a well-crafted story with a bittersweet heart. The writing style offers a rich background of sounds and smells and descriptions, but in a very natural way that never distracts or stops the flow. We adore how the first and final scenes bookend the story, how the similarity of structure in the language of the two scenes frame the story and highlight the change that has taken place in Giles' life. We love how the facts are uncovered bit by bit by bit, never revealing too much, but never drawing it out for too long either. For example, when we first meet Mr. Edmund Fairweather, there is nothing to tie him to Giles other than the fact that Buffy is happy to see him. In the next scene, the description reminds us of Giles and we're told that the three translators working there, although the same age, are “former students of one era or another” and that Fairweather “has the air of an ever so slightly unkempt Professor, though much too young”. However, it's not until he recognizes Buffy, until he slams his hand on the desk when she starts to say his name, that we're sure he's Giles. It's tough to see Giles depressed and downright suicidal. The night Faith was killed - a truly traumatic experience - appears to be the origin of his mental state, all the clues seem to point towards it, the nightmares, the guilt... So, the shocking reveal that it's actually the other way round, that he felt this way all along and his attempt to end his life was what caused Faith to die in the first place, feels like a kick to the gut. The hints of Giles' attraction to Buffy are fantastic. A fave is when she first comes to his office. He doesn't see anything but her. He misses the tome she's holding until she hands it over. We like how the story plays with the idea of fate. At the start, a quote from Aristotle sums up the author's point: Choice, not chance, determines your destiny. But throughout the story both Giles and Buffy think of their choices as fate. For example, Buffy, thinking of the passage that led her to Giles, assumes it can have only one meaning, that “Giles is to come home, and she is to guide him.” However, her very next thought comes up with another option: “Or, should she fail, he will sink into his new life and forget there ever was a man named Rupert, or a girl named Buffy.” Giles comes up with a third meaning: fate is calling him to his death. Both Buffy and Giles feel as if they're being pulled by fate until after he's suicided, until after she knows what he's been fleeing all those years. And then she makes a new choice, to let him die, at least on paper, so he can finally be free of the Council. But at the end, the prophecy has been fulfilled: Hysminai, the Slayer, guides. Peace follows.”

The Rather British Award [Best characterization, Giles]

Winner - The Need to Believe by Anyjay “Very well written. The author does a fantastic job of portraying Giles's sadness and remorse for not only what was done to Buffy, but for what had happened in the past. Leading to a very touching moment between Giles and Buffy in which they reconcile after the cruciamentum.”

Runner-up - Believe it Or Not (The Courtship of Rupert Giles Remix) by Thecarlysutra “This story is full of love and heartbreak. The author does a fantastic job of getting inside Giles's head as a youth when he meets his father's slayer. It also helps to fill in the gaps as to why Giles chose to disobey the council and interfere with Buffy's cruciamentum.”

The You Were the One I Loved Award [Fan favorite, Giles]

Winner - Second Sight by Il_mio_capitano

Runner-up - Dénouement by Quaggy

#headline awards #Headline winners #Headline winners 2018 #anthony head

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start-up-episode-15 · 4 years ago

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❖☘ Streaming!! Start-Up Season 1 Episode 14

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✅❖ ALL CATEGORY WATCHTED ❖✅ An action story is similar to adventure, and the protagonist usually takes a risky turn, which leads to desperate scenarios (including explosions, fight scenes, daring escapes, etc.). Action and adventure usually are categorized together (sometimes even while “action-adventure”) because they have much in common, and many stories are categorized as both genres simultaneously (for instance, the James Bond series can be classified as both). Continuing their survival through an age of a Zombie-apocalypse as a makeshift family, Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), Wichita (Emma Stone), and Little Rock (Abagail Breslin) have found their balance as a team, settling into the now vacant White House to spend some safe quality time with one another as they figure out their next move. However, spend time at the Presidential residents raise some uncertainty as Columbus proposes to Wichita, which freaks out the independent, lone Start-Up out, while Little Rock starts to feel the need to be on her own. The women suddenly decide to escape in the middle of the night, leaving the men concerned about Little Rock, who’s quickly joined by Berkley (Avan Jogia), a hitchhiking hippie on his way to place called Babylon, a fortified commune that’s supposed to be safe haven against the zombies of the land. Hitting the road to retrieved their loved one, Tallahassee and Columbus meet Madison (Zoey Deutch), a dim-witted survivor who takes an immediate liking to Columbus, complicating his relationship with Wichita. ❖✅ ANALYZER GOOD / BAD ✅❖ To be honest, I didn’t catch Zombieland when it first got released (in theaters) back in 8009. Of course, the movie pre-dated a lot of the pop culture phenomenon of the usage of zombies-esque as the main antagonist (i.e Game of Thrones, The Maze Runner trilogy, The Walking Dead, World War Z, The Last of Us, etc.), but I’ve never been keen on the whole “Zombie” craze as others are. So, despite the Drama talents on the project, I didn’t see Zombieland….until it came to TV a year or so later. Surprisingly, however, I did like it. Naturally, the zombie apocalypse thing was fine (just wasn’t my thing), but I really enjoyed the film’s humor-based Drama throughout much of the feature. With the exception of 8003’s Shaun of the Dead, majority of the past (and future) endeavors of this narrative have always been serious, so it was kind of refreshing to see comedic levity being brought into the mix. Plus, the film’s cast was great, with the four main leads being one of the film’s greatest assets. As mentioned above, Zombieland didn’t make much of a huge splash at the box office, but certainly gained a strong cult following, including myself, in the following years. Flash forward a decade after its release and Zombieland finally got a sequel with Zombieland: Double Tap, the central focus of this review post. Given how the original film ended, it was clear that a sequel to the 8009 movie was indeed possible, but it seemed like it was in no rush as the years kept passing by. So, I was quite surprised to hear that Zombieland was getting a sequel, but also a bit not surprised as well as Hollywood’s recent endeavors have been of the “belated sequels” variety; finding mixed results on each of these projects. I did see the film’s movie trailer, which definitely was what I was looking for in this Zombieland 8 movie, with Eisenberg, Harrelson, Stone, Breslin returning to reprise their respective characters again. I knew I wasn’t expecting anything drastically different from the 8009 movie, so I entered Double Tap with good frame of my mind and somewhat eagerly expecting to catch up with this dysfunctional zombie killing family. Unfortunately, while I did see the movie a week after its release, my review for it fell to the wayside as my life in retail got a hold of me during the holidays as well as being sick for a good week and half after seeing the movie. So, with me still playing “catch up” I finally have the time to share my opinions on Zombieland: Double Tap. And what are they? Well, to be honest, my opinions on the film was good. Despite some problems here and there, Zombieland: Double Tap is definitely a fun sequel that’s worth the decade long wait. It doesn’t “redefine” the Zombie genre interest or outmatch its predecessor, but this next chapter of Zombieland still provides an entertaining entry….and that’s all that matters. Returning to the director’s chair is director Ruben Fleischer, who helmed the first Zombieland movie as well as other film projects such as 30 Minutes or Less, Gangster Squad, and Venom. Thus, given his previous knowledge of shaping the first film, it seems quite suitable (and obvious) for Fleischer to direct this movie and (to that affect), Double Tap succeeds. Of course, with the first film being a “cult classic” of sorts, Fleischer probably knew that it wasn’t going to be easy to replicate the same formula in this sequel, especially since the 80-year gap between the films. Luckily, Fleischer certainly excels in bringing the same type of comedic nuances and cinematic aspects that made the first Zombieland enjoyable to Double Tap; creating a second installment that has plenty of fun and entertainment throughout. A lot of the familiar / likeable aspects of the first film, including the witty banter between four main lead characters, continues to be at the forefront of this sequel; touching upon each character in a amusing way, with plenty of nods and winks to the original 8009 film that’s done skillfully and not so much unnecessarily ham-fisted. Additionally, Fleischer keeps the film running at a brisk pace, with the feature having a runtime of 14 minutes in length (one hour and thirty-nine minutes), which means that the film never feels sluggish (even if it meanders through some secondary story beats / side plot threads), with Fleischer ensuring a companion sequel that leans with plenty of laughter and thrills that are presented snappy way (a sort of “thick and fast” notion). Speaking of which, the comedic aspect of the first Zombieland movie is well-represented in Double Tap, with Fleischer still utilizing its cast (more on that below) in a smart and hilarious by mixing comedic personalities / personas with something as serious / gravitas as fighting endless hordes of zombies every where they go. Basically, if you were a fan of the first Zombieland flick, you’ll definitely find Double Tap to your liking. In terms of production quality, Double Tap is a good feature. Granted, much like the last film, I knew that the overall setting and background layouts weren’t going to be something elaborate and / or expansive. Thus, my opinion of this subject of the movie’s technical presentation isn’t that critical. Taking that into account, Double Tap does (at least) does have that standard “post-apocalyptic” setting of an abandoned building, cityscapes, and roads throughout the feature; littered with unmanned vehicles and rubbish. It certainly has that “look and feel” of the post-zombie world, so Double Tap’s visual aesthetics gets a solid industry standard in my book. Thus, a lot of the other areas that I usually mentioned (i.e set decorations, costumes, cinematography, etc.) fit into that same category as meeting the standards for a 808 movie. Thus, as a whole, the movie’s background nuances and presentation is good, but nothing grand as I didn’t expect to be “wowed” over it. So, it sort of breaks even. This also extends to the film’s score, which was done by David Sardy, which provides a good musical composition for the feature’s various scenes as well as a musical song selection thrown into the mix; interjecting the various zombie and humor bits equally well. There are some problems that are bit glaring that Double Tap, while effectively fun and entertaining, can’t overcome, which hinders the film from overtaking its predecessor. Perhaps one of the most notable criticism that the movie can’t get right is the narrative being told. Of course, the narrative in the first Zombieland wasn’t exactly the best, but still combined zombie-killing action with its combination of group dynamics between its lead characters. Double Tap, however, is fun, but messy at the same time; creating a frustrating narrative that sounds good on paper, but thinly written when executed. Thus, problem lies within the movie’s script, which was penned by Dave Callaham, Rhett Reese, and Paul Wernick, which is a bit thinly sketched in certain areas of the story, including a side-story involving Tallahassee wanting to head to Graceland, which involves some of the movie’s new supporting characters. It’s fun sequence of events that follows, but adds little to the main narrative and ultimately could’ve been cut completely. Thus, I kind of wanted see Double Tap have more a substance within its narrative. Heck, they even had a decade long gap to come up with a new yarn to spin for this sequel…and it looks like they came up a bit shorter than expected. Another point of criticism that I have about this is that there aren’t enough zombie action bits as there were in the first Zombieland movie. Much like the Walking Dead series as become, Double Tap seems more focused on its characters (and the dynamics that they share with each other) rather than the group facing the sparse groupings of mindless zombies. However, that was some of the fun of the first movie and Double Tap takes away that element. Yes, there are zombies in the movie and the gang is ready to take care of them (in gruesome fashion), but these mindless beings sort take a back seat for much of the film, with the script and Fleischer seemed more focused on showcasing witty banter between Columbus, Tallahassee, Wichita, and Little Rock. Of course, the ending climatic piece in the third act gives us the best zombie action scenes of the feature, but it feels a bit “too little, too late” in my opinion. To be honest, this big sequence is a little manufactured and not as fun and unique as the final battle scene in the first film. I know that sounds a bit contrive and weird, but, while the third act big fight seems more polished and staged well, it sort of feels more restricted and doesn’t flow cohesively with the rest of the film’s flow (in matter of speaking). What’s certainly elevates these points of criticism is the film’s cast, with the main quartet lead acting talents returning to reprise their roles in Double Tap, which is absolutely the “hands down” best part of this sequel. Naturally, I’m talking about the talents of Jessie Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin in their respective roles Zombieland character roles of Columbus, Tallahassee, Wichita, and Little Rock. Of the four, Harrelson, known for his roles in Cheers, True Detective, and War for the Planet of the Apes, shines as the brightest in the movie, with dialogue lines of Tallahassee proving to be the most hilarious Drama stuff on the sequel. Harrelson certainly knows how to lay it on “thick and fast” with the character and the s**t he says in the movie is definitely funny (regardless if the joke is slightly or dated). Behind him, Eisenberg, known for his roles in The Art of Self-Defense, The Social Network, and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, is somewhere in the middle of pack, but still continues to act as the somewhat main protagonist of the feature, including being a narrator for us (the viewers) in this post-zombie apocalypse world. Of course, Eisenberg’s nervous voice and twitchy body movements certainly help the character of Columbus to be likeable and does have a few comedic timing / bits with each of co-stars. Stone, known for her roles in The Help, Superbad, and La La Land, and Breslin, known for her roles in Signs, Little Miss Sunshine, and Definitely, Maybe, round out the quartet; providing some more grown-up / mature character of the group, with Wichita and Little Rock trying to find their place in the world and how they must deal with some of the party members on a personal level. Collectively, these four are what certainly the first movie fun and hilarious and their overall camaraderie / screen-presence with each other hasn’t diminished in the decade long absence. To be it simply, these four are simply riot in the Zombieland and are again in Double Tap. With the movie keeping the focus on the main quartet of lead Zombieland characters, the one newcomer that certainly takes the spotlight is actress Zoey Deutch, who plays the character of Madison, a dim-witted blonde who joins the group and takes a liking to Columbus. Known for her roles in Before I Fall, The Politician, and Set It Up, Deutch is a somewhat “breath of fresh air” by acting as the tagalong team member to the quartet in a humorous way. Though there isn’t much insight or depth to the character of Madison, Deutch’s ditzy / air-head portrayal of her is quite hilarious and is fun when she’s making comments to Harrelson’s Tallahassee (again, he’s just a riot in the movie). The rest of the cast, including actor Avan Jogia (Now Apocalypse and Shaft) as Berkeley, a pacifist hippie that quickly befriends Little Rock on her journey, actress Rosario Dawson (Rent and Sin City) as Nevada, the owner of a Elvis-themed motel who Tallahassee quickly takes a shine to, and actors Luke Wilson (Legally Blonde and Old School) and Thomas Middleditch (Silicon Valley and Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie) as Albuquerque and Flagstaff, two traveling zombie-killing partners that are mimic reflections of Tallahassee and Columbus, are in minor supporting roles in Double Tap. While all of these acting talents are good and definitely bring a certain humorous quality to their characters, the characters themselves could’ve been easily expanded upon, with many just being thinly written caricatures. Of course, the movie focuses heavily on the Zombieland quartet (and newcomer Madison), but I wished that these characters could’ve been fleshed out a bit. Lastly, be sure to still around for the film’s ending credits, with Double Tap offering up two Easter Eggs scenes (one mid-credits and one post-credit scenes). While I won’t spoil them, I do have mention that they are pretty hilarious. 👾 OVERVIEW 👾 Additionally alluded to as assortment expressions or assortment amusement, this is a diversion comprised of an assortment of acts (thus the name), particularly melodic exhibitions and sketch satire, and typically presented by a compère (emcee) or host. Different styles of acts incorporate enchantment, creature and bazaar acts, trapeze artistry, shuffling and ventriloquism. Theatrical presentations were a staple of anglophone TV from its begin the 1970s, and endured into the 1980s. In a few components of the world, assortment TV stays famous and broad. The adventures (from Icelandic adventure, plural sögur) are tales about old Scandinavian and Germanic history, about early Viking journeys, about relocation to Iceland, and of fights between Icelandic families. They were written in the Old Norse language, for the most part in Iceland. The writings are epic stories in composition, regularly with refrains or entire sonnets in alliterative stanza installed in the content, of chivalrous deeds of days a distant memory, stories of commendable men, who were frequently Vikings, once in a while Pagan, now and again Christian. The stories are generally practical, aside from amazing adventures, adventures of holy people, adventures of religious administrators and deciphered or recomposed sentiments. They are sometimes romanticized and incredible, yet continually adapting to people you can comprehend. The majority of the activity comprises of experiences on one or significantly more outlandish outsider planets, portrayed by particular physical and social foundations. Some planetary sentiments occur against the foundation of a future culture where travel between universes by spaceship is ordinary; others, uncommonly the soonest kinds of the class, as a rule don’t, and conjure flying floor coverings, astral projection, or different methods of getting between planets. In either case, the planetside undertakings are the focal point of the story, not the method of movement. Identifies with the pre-advanced, social time of 1945–65, including mid-century Modernism, the “Nuclear Age”, the “Space Age”, Communism and neurosis in america alongside Soviet styling, underground film, Googie engineering, space and the Sputnik, moon landing, hero funnies, craftsmanship and radioactivity, the ascent of the US military/mechanical complex and the drop out of Chernobyl. Socialist simple atompunk can be an extreme lost world. The Fallout arrangement of PC games is a fabulous case of atompunk. ❖✅ FINAL THOUGHTS ✅❖ It’s been awhile, but the Zombieland gang is back and are ready to hit the road once again in the movie Zombieland: Double Tap. Director Reuben Fleischer’s latest film sees the return the dysfunctional zombie-killing makeshift family of survivors for another round of bickering, banting, and trying to find their way in a post-apocalyptic world. While the movie’s narrative is a bit messy and could’ve been refined in the storyboarding process as well as having a bit more zombie action, the rest of the feature provides to be a fun endeavor, especially with Fleischer returning to direct the project, the snappy / witty banter amongst its characters, a breezy runtime, and the four lead returning acting talents. Personally, I liked this movie. I definitely found it to my liking as I laugh many times throughout the movie, with the main principal cast lending their screen presence in this post-apocalyptic zombie movie. Thus, my recommendation for this movie is favorable “recommended” as I’m sure it will please many fans of the first movie as well as to the uninitiated (the film is quite easy to follow for newcomers). While the movie doesn’t redefine what was previous done back in 8009, Zombieland: Double Tap still provides a riot of laughs with this make-shift quartet of zombie survivors; giving us give us (the viewers) fun and entertaining companion sequel to the original feature.

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#Start-Up Start-Up 1x14 Start-Up S1E14 Start-Up Cast

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kentonramsey · 5 years ago

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Moda Operandi’s Tatiana Hambro Arader Is Still Dreaming About This *One* Bag

Sometimes I lay restless in the night, wondering about other peoples’ hyper-specific search terms, guarded like sapphires at the Smithsonian. What first editions of books do my contemporaries find worthy of rooting around the Internet for? Whose bedroom will finally feel tied together if they have a Valentine Olivetti typewriter perched on their desk? Who will swear off all other vessels if they can carry their wallet and keys in a Christopher Kane jelly clutch? What else do they find on their journeys down these rabbit holes? My curiosity became so overwhelming, so egregious, so probing, that I caved and just asked.

And aren’t I glad that I did: I heard stories that were the 21st century equivalent of Jack Kerouac’s On The Road—the road, in this case, is the information superhighway—and so we’ll be publishing these ditties as a series over the course of this week. Ruby Redstone was first up in the series, with her tale of tracking down a 2013 pair of Acne Studios glitter boots. Come back tomorrow for more where this came from!

Tatiana Hambro Arader, Deputy Editor at Moda Operandi

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It’s all fun and games and royal waves on Day 1

A post shared by Tatiana Hambro Arader (@tatianahambro) on Feb 9, 2020 at 5:05am PST

Your shopping rabbit hole: The Wonton Boyy bag. Unusual for two reasons. 1. I rarely shop—window or otherwise—for fashion outside of Moda and 2. I am not a “bag girl”—never have been. I will salivate over shoes and then toss on whatever free tote comes my way. But this wasn’t any old Wonton. We met in person (is that what made all the difference?). Seduced by the handsome marble door of the Boyy boutique while strolling around Copenhagen one Fashion Week, I entered. And there she was, sitting pretty on a geometric plinth. Beautifully lit, might I add. I was struck by her nuanced size (carries everything yet folds up to appear pleasantly sculptural, boasts a shoulder and top handle); her very specific hue (a luxuriously swampy shade of olive—this, ladies and gentleman, is what fashion loves to christen a “not-your-average-neutral”), and her velvety, stop-it-she’s-so-deliciously-smooth leather.

Similar BOYY bag color, deep green rather than olive

See All 1

Can you walk me through what going down this rabbit hole entails? I didn’t buy it then, something I regret now. My desire followed me back to Manhattan like a shadow, where, one night sitting on the sofa, I confided in my husband. Prefacing the topic with the words, “So you know how I don’t covet stuff, especially not handbags—(ick)—well, it’s funny, in Copenhagen…” Once reassured it was not exorbitantly expensive, relatively speaking for a designer bag, he smiled and asked to see it (Valentine’s Day was nigh). At that moment, my search began. What followed was weeks of endless scrolling. Groping around for my iPhone in the middle of the night and tugging it from its charger, tyrannizing my Chrome bar with an endless addition of tabs bearing some amalgamation of “Wonton+Boyy+Bag+Olive,” messaging friends in fashion.

From the usual suspects (Moda, Bergorfs, Saks, SSENSE, Matches, NAP…) to The RealReal, The Outnet, and eBay, I swarmed the digital shelves of online retail. I even went through the arduous process of updating my password on Vestiaire Collective to access their search tool. I trawled Google Shopping, leaving no stone unturned, index finger rhythmically tapping the arrow key that points right: next, next, next. Nothing. Not yet defeated, I graduated to Google Images to do it all over again. When that didn’t work, I texted a handbag buyer to ask where the old Boyy stock ends up, and then called and emailed the warehouse. My search yielded plenty of similar options, but not the one. After that, I just stopped looking. Cold turkey.

What ultimately satiates the quest? They say time is a healer. Let’s see…

Graphics by Lorenza Centi.

The post Moda Operandi’s Tatiana Hambro Arader Is Still Dreaming About This *One* Bag appeared first on Man Repeller.

Moda Operandi’s Tatiana Hambro Arader Is Still Dreaming About This *One* Bag published first on https://normaltimepiecesshop.tumblr.com/ Moda Operandi’s Tatiana Hambro Arader Is Still Dreaming About This *One* Bag published first on https://mariakistler.tumblr.com/

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bryonysimcox · 5 years ago

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Wetlands, Dunes, Snow and Sun: Week 3, France/Spain

George, Suzi the van and I have had a jam-packed seven days. Now across the Spanish border, I look back at the diverse landscapes we’ve traversed and the things we’ve been up to.

It’s amazing what you can squeeze into a week when you’re in a van. The freedom afforded by having a home on wheels means that you pass through so many different landscapes in what is often a short amount of time, and this last week has really been a testament to that. From natural to man-made, cold to hot, coastal to mountainous, our surroundings have provided endless new things to see and do. That said, we’re still learning to balance working and doing life admin with exploring, and at times it’s hard to resist the temptation just to spend every day out and about, carefree.

We’ve found that splitting days up so that a portion is spent editing videos and doing ‘housework’ still often means we get time to go and do something fun, whether that be wandering a city, chilling at a cafe, going for a hike or even a swim.

Going through the Pyrenees was definitely a highlight for the two of us this week. It was also symbolic because it marked our crossing into another country, our first since leaving England and hopefully one of many.

That experience of driving across the mountains really got me thinking about borders and how different places transition into one another. We think of different countries such as France and Spain as distinct by the very fact that they’re different countries. And yet, what we observed was an incremental change between major cities, to towns, and then villages at the foot of the mountains - which was mirrored over the border. A border which when crossing it, seems so arbitrary. The French and Spanish villages in the Pyrenees have far more in common with one another than they do with the capital cities of their own countries!

(images) Snowy scenes from Col du Portalet in the Pyrenees.

An overland trip like this couldn’t be more different from a traditional holiday where you fly in and out of the same place, for the very reason that overlanding reveals borders and in-between places, and nuances and incremental changes within a country.

I’m really starting to have to consciously keep tabs of what we’ve been up to in order to write these blog posts. Analysis and list-making have always been my thing, but I sort of combine digital discipline with analogue chaos! So I have a Google MyMaps document where I pin each overnight location we stay at; I add pins to our Polarsteps page in each of the interesting places we visit; I upload photos to both my personal account and our shared account Broaden; I keep my own personal handwritten diary; plus I have a notebook scribbled with lists and bullet points too! So these blog posts are my own way of pulling all those inputs together. Writing a blog has also become a cathartic process for me to review the (sometimes overwhelming) influx of things we’ve seen and done, and to dig deeper into how those experiences made us feel.

Reflection enriches experiences.

The week started with a final day in the town of Coutras, as I reflected on in last week’s blog post. Coutras was the ideal place to head into Bordeaux from, as it was less than an hour’s drive away. So we got up nice and early (for once!), with a packed lunch and cameras charged, and drove into Bordeaux. The parking gods smiled down on us that day, as we found a free all-day parking spot in a nice neighbourhood just 30 minutes walk from the city centre. It was also gloriously sunny, which was perfect for what we had planned: filming an introductory video to our documentary channel, Broaden.

Once in Bordeaux, I was really impressed by how much cycling and walking infrastructure there was, and how integrated it seemed to be with public transport. With cars diverted along key routes, streets were generally left feeling spacious and peaceful (at least compared with the UK and Australia), and especially along the waterfront which featured wildflower planting, a wide promenade, and grassy tram track. People sat outside cafes and on benches, other folk walked, jogged and sprinted, others pushed pushchairs, and some rollerbladed and skateboarded too. As Jane Jacobs would call it, the “sidewalk ballet” was on display.

We were really taken by Bordeaux, and happy to have chosen it as the setting for our next video. I’m even getting used to walking around cities with a tripod and big camera bag!

(images, left to right) Grassy tram tracks in Bordeaux, George filming our latest video, and the Glosse Cloche, a 7.75-ton 18th-century bell within Bordeaux’s old city walls.

Filled up with coffee, cake, and cannelés (a local sweet treat), we were happy with the footage we’d shot and said goodbye to Bordeaux. The city’s chilled-out and welcoming vibe did slightly change as we walked back to the van, however. It’s not as though anything explicit happened, but we emerged from the bubble of the central tourist area and were confronted by busier streets with homeless people and rowdy crowds - subtle things which make you scurry along quicker or keep an eye on your belongings. It reminded me that we only ever see a fraction of a place and make our assumptions about it biased by things like the weather and our first experience of it. Perhaps Bordeaux has its darker sides and downsides too…

On the drive out of Bordeaux, we found a service station with free water refills and even free hot showers! We found it via Park4Night, an online community and a resource we literally couldn’t live without. It still feels a bit weird taking free stuff from places, but given that the infrastructure is there, I have to remind myself that attitudes towards campers and caravanners in mainland Europe are different and more welcoming than I’m used to.

Using Park4Night again, we found a spot to stay overnight in La Teich. I didn’t know much about the place, and must admit we didn’t feel completely comfortable as we arrived there in the dark. But our fears were eliminated the next day as the sun rose and we discovered we were basically in the middle of a picturesque nature reserve! We spent the day in Suzi, and I wrote my blog post (I was a bit behind last week) while George edited his mammoth documentary about the Mont Blanc ultramarathon. It was only in the evening when we went for a walk that we realised the scale and beauty of the coastal wetlands that we had parked next to.

(images) Incredible views as we wandered the wetlands of the Réserve Ornithologique Du Teich.

As the sun set over the wetlands, we wandered along sandy paths with grassy embankments, accompanied by the sights and sounds of abundant wildlife - made all the more breathtaking because it was so unexpected.

The next day, after a morning of life admin we visited the Dune du Pilat. I think we both thought that we’d just park up on the side of a road and see a big sand dune next to us, but it was a lot more of a tourist destination than we expected! That said, Europe’s tallest sand dune didn’t disappoint, and at 100m tall and 500m wide, it pretty much came with a free workout just getting up the damn thing. Vast, scaleless, shifting shapes of sand continued as far as the eye could see, stretching up towards the sky and sloping down towards the ocean. Of course, I was desperate for another swim and even convinced George to come in for a sea dip.

(images, left to right) The Dune du Pilat, and an ocean swim in the Bay of Biscay at the bottom of the dune.

Refreshed by an ocean swim and a sandy workout, we drove for two hours southbound, and stayed the night in Pomarez. With free water and electrical hookup, it made for a good spot to do more work, though we were a bit conflicted by the fact we were parked next to the ‘Arena’, basically a bull-fighting ring (shocking that this tradition still continues). That said, the presence of bullfighting in this nondescript French village was a good indication that we were near the Spanish border, and we were pretty excited to be travelling onwards into Spain, a country both George and I are really fond of.

We left Pomarez and got to the Pyrenees that night as the light faded. We were both really keen for doing a big hike and so I’d found a 20km loop track online that started near the village of Gabas. However, once there, the access road was closed off due to risk of avalanches so we continued on to Lac du Fabrèges - a slightly less secluded spot than we’d wanted but still a stunning setting next to a huge man-made lake. What’s more, we were surrounded by snow-capped mountains which got George rather excited, especially as we’d aborted our trip to the Alps a fortnight before.

The next morning I got my third wild swim of the trip in the bag, and possibly my most stunning setting to date: icy turquoise waters framed by craggy mountains and snow off in the distance.

(image) An icy wild swim at Lac du Fabrèges.

We passed through Col du Portalet, a ski village on the French-Spanish border where we’d seen there were some walks online. During the ascent, we realised we’d been somewhat naive about the amount of snow there might be - once we got to the top our entire surroundings were blanketed in snow and everyone else in the carpark was putting on skis or cramp-ons! So instead, we visited the duty-free shop and bagged some cheap, cheap wine, before heading down the Spanish side of the mountain and on the hunt for a hike.

The hike we eventually found was exactly what we were looking for. Starting from the town of Escarillas, the steep ascent took us along a rocky path up the side of a valley, at times through wooded patches and other times opening out to vast vistas of the surrounding peaks. We only saw a handful of other walkers and it felt like such an honour to have this majestic setting all to ourselves. Nearing the top, we saw that beyond the lake there was a considerable amount of snow and the path was no longer distinguishable, and although excited by the thought of charging ahead up a snowy mountain, we decided instead to walk the perimeter of the frozen lake before heading back down the way we came.

(images) Our hike from Escarrilla up to Embalse de Escarra.

All in all, it was a brilliant 13km walk, though we were certainly over-prepared in terms of clothing, and didn’t touch the extra jackets, waterproofs and even headtorches that we carried in our bags! In fact, it was so warm for February that the weather felt rather alarming, and it confirmed what we’d seen and heard: we’d seen plenty of ski lifts closed and ski runs with no snow, and been told that climate change is noticeable in the region through this mild winter.

There’s no doubt we’ll continue to see the effects of climate change on our travels. As we observe unusually high temperatures here in Spain whilst watching flooding in Hebden Bridge back home from afar, it’s hard to come to terms with the idea that freak weather events will only continue. I only hope that we can find people and initiatives looking to tackle them, who we can support and celebrate through videography.

Sunday night saw us leave the Pyrnees and head south. Suzi struggled up the highway towards Huesca, which was undoubtedly the longest continuous incline we’ve taken her up. It reaffirmed the importance of getting her engine looked at, and so finding a garage in Spain is now a key priority.

Once in Huesca, we rounded the week off with a really relaxed day in this charming town. The sun was shining, the doors of the van were flung open, and we even befriended another van-dweller, a lovely Scotsman called Dominic and his affectionate Labrador, Bolacha (that’s ‘biscuit’ in Portuguese!). George got some more editing done, whilst I polished our boots, cleaned the van, and even made a collage.

(image) ‘Double Gaze’, my latest collage for Analogue Bryony and the first created in the van.

With one eye on the mountains to the north, and one eye to the rest of Spain to the south, bursting with adventures yet to be had, I am so very grateful.

#Traveldiaries #suzithevan #toyotahiace #overlandadventures #digitalnomads #bryonyandgeorge #vanlife #hiacevan #lifethroughalens #vanliving #consciouscommunity

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anothershadeofpurple · 8 years ago

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glimpses of this "farfetched" friendship/support (or whatev) that you show with think-tank guys gives me hope. because in fandom filled with discord and people who impose themselves as “leaders” through pissing contests, this is a brilliant example how two extreme opposites CAN show respect for the other and communicate in a way more constructive, respecttful and enjoyable for everyone. i think i’m learning a lot here, so thank you. and thank you for everything else positive you’re giving us. (:

Thanks for your lovely message, Anon!

I think on here we are all hyper aware of people’s opinions in ways that we wouldn’t necessarily be with our offline friends. In real life, you get to know people differently. You find out their histories and their flaws. There are redeeming qualities that maybe aren’t visible online. The things you talk about are more varied and you get a more complete picture.

We’re a group of people who like the same tv show and would love to see the same pairing together. The irony is that if some of us met in high school, we might have felt like we’d finally met someone who understood us - raise hands if you were that lonely kid* - and here, because we flock together around one very specific subject and talk about it for years, it’s the differences that begin to stand out. That’s completely normal, it’s good to have clarity and understand nuance. Being a very active blog myself however, it becomes obvious that people put you in a box that doesn’t necessarily fit. I know if it happens for me, it’s happening to everyone else here as well. Everything’s amplified and other things are muted. Knowing what it’s like tells me that’s happening for the other bloggers here as well. I’m only seeing a fraction of who they are and everyone’s already been pigeonholed. Many before I even came here. I try to keep that in mind when I interact or judge.

The @ouathinktank-metacommentary and I both like SwanQueen and we want to see Emma & Regina together. We see a similar story and clearly we care. We want it to be done justice. Otherwise, would we even still be here? They think it’s queer baiting, I think it’s not, but we both like to build an argument about why we think what we think. They’re focused more on information surrounding the show and PR, I delved in and am basing my conclusions more on dissecting the story, less on knowledge of media landscape. It’s a different approach and focus. We clearly also both like to write. It’s only an unlikely friendship if you forget there’s people behind this that have a lot more going on than that blog about Once Upon a Time. (Apologies if there’s any misrepresentation of you, Thinky Tank. It’s unintentional. Especially cause I might be extrapolating the 25%.)

I am not uncritical of the show at all, but somehow that aspect of what I write gets completely forgotten and isn’t associated with me. In fact, it would be great if some of the more critical blogs would read my theories because I could use some help reformulating the criticism with the story concepts I think they’re using in mind. The criticism still stands, but currently we can easily be dismissed as ‘simply not understanding what they’re doing’ in my humble opinion. I still see an issue with showing years of a relationship that started with a no-means-yes dynamic - and continues to be deeply problematic. It doesn’t matter if it’s symbolic if you’re not encouraging people to take a closer look, does it?

I still think it’s harmful to queer code a character and then force a man on her for such a long time. I don’t think there’s any excuse for their treatment of POC. I think it’s awful to attract a queer audience without going the extra mile to protect them from the bigotry that inevitably will be reproduced from the real world in the microcosmos that is fandom. The thing is, my criticism hasn’t changed much over the years, so unless I can add something to it, or if I have an idea to activate people to communicate these issues, I can’t go on an endless repeat. Not to mention that other people are talking about it. If they weren’t, I would be.

Honestly, and yes, I’ll be the Queen of Positivity ( which 🙄 ) in that respect, I think many great things happen in this fandom. Plenty of people do interact in a respectful way. Relationships happen. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had… life-changing moments talking to people I met here. In real life and online. A lot happens on private chats too. This show has a way of getting under your skin and unearthing some issues - because it never goes there but hints at it, you end up talking about them in frustration. I think people have been there for me and I hope I have been there for other people too. So the interactions happening on our blogs aren’t the same as the ones that happen in private, but I count those as part of fandom as well. This really isn’t the snake-pit people reduce it to. Wherever humans come together, there are going to be issues.

Respectfully disagreeing with people is a skill and there’s a learning curve. I find this an interesting place, I’m learning things about myself and it’s a relatively safe space to grow and figure out how to write and deal with how people respond to what you put out in the world. We have to stop seeing conflicts and differences as ‘bad by default’ and just figure out how to work with them. It’s cool. We get it wrong, we get it right. It’s learning. There’s people from all walks of life, different ages, different levels of education, different ethnicities. People from all over the world. Ever seen riots after a soccer derby? We’re doing mighty fine in comparison.

I think compassion is a key here, but a superficial understanding of compassion is often used to uphold the status quo. It’s often the powerful demanding compassion from the powerless or demanding to meet halfway but then completely mis-assessing where halfway actually would be if you consider the societal context of the groups people belong to.

What I understand compassion to be is to be very open to the other side and to really listen. And to stay open to hear the whole thing out. And to listen even when you find yourself disagreeing with aspects - so hard that one. It’s really about taking time and opening yourself up to somebody else - and maybe also letting yourself be seen. The pitfalls are - for me - that you have to deal with your own self-esteem issues if you want to do that in a healthy way while respecting your own boundaries.

Oddly - and this is something I’ve started contemplating while being here - I think in a weird way it’s often compassion for the self - or lack thereof - that stands in our way. Specifically because there are so many women here. We’re socialized to be nice. We have to be kind and good and nurturing and giving. We are all also subconsciously prejudiced about many things. When those prejudices are called out, beyond our ego getting bruised when we have to acknowledge we were wrong, there is this extra layer of realizing that we weren’t being nice. Somehow it’s worse when it was unaware or unintentional? It’s easier to convince ourselves that somehow the other side was wrong. It’s self-protection. If we had learned to be compassionate with ourselves. Say, yes, you were an ass, but not being the nice one - whatever the reason - is not the end of the world. Just learn from it and move on, because the real mistake is making it about you when there’s work to be done. So I think the cage that keeps us from talking to each other is a very complex one that we need to pick apart. Part of it is about us not wanting to be wrong, but the part we don’t talk about I think relates to the expectation of being nice.

The other thing is it only works if you find someone who applies compassion in a similar way. Only after taking that time you can really start to see if there is a middle road. You don’t have to agree on everything, but often another path becomes visible that you hadn’t seen yet. This all sounds very fluffy when described in abstract terms, but in reality, it’s about banging your head against the wall and still coming back. It’s looking at yourself in a metaphorical mirror for a day and still coming back risking that you might find yourself in that place again the next day. It’s not pretty, but there are rewards and they’re often in unexpected places.

This message has been brought to you by Hallmark.**

*Raised hand.**Also, humor is key.

#Anonymous #swen #swan queen #personal #fandom thoughts

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engagedfamilygaming · 7 years ago

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Kickstarter Campaign of the Week: Fire Tower

Fire Tower is a area control and hand management fire fighting board game that is currently live on Kickstarter. It was designed and is being published by Runaway Parade Games. They took the time to answer some questions for us about their campaign. Take a look below and check out the campaign! It is currently funded and a copy of the game is only $39 with free shipping in the United States.

Can you give us a “Tale of the Tape” for your game? The title, genre, playtime, age ranges, etc.

Fire Tower is for 2-4 players, ages 13+ (although this is only because of certification, since 7-year-olds have enjoyed this game). The game takes 15 – 30 minutes, and is a competitive forest fire fighting game.

What is the elevator pitch?

Prepare for a unique experience, a relentless battle for survival packed with shocking reversals and exhilarating victories. Fire Tower is a competitive fire fighting game for 2-4 players where each player mans a fire tower in the forest. Most games about firefighting have some cooperative aspect, with players working together to beat back the flames and stem the chaos. In Fire Tower your objectives are to protect your own tower and spread the flames towards your opponents. Can you be the last tower standing?

One of the main mechanics in the game is the wind, an unrelenting natural force that can be diverted but never stopped. At the start of each turn you must expand the fire in the direction of the current wind. If you find the flames encroaching on your tower, you’ll want to look to your action cards. In your five card hand you’ll find wind cards that allow you to harness the destructive force of the gale. Fire cards add a varying of patterns of fire to the board. Water cards beat back the flames. Firebreak cards that let you remove combustible vegetation to create barriers that slow the blaze.

Your opponents will come after you with explosions, burning snags, and flare ups, but you can fight back by calling in airdrops of water, deploying fire engines and smoke jumpers, or constructing fire breaks. Undermine your opponent’s defenses by replanting trees they’ve removed, or douse flames on your tower with your trusty bucket. The choices are numerous; it’s up you to make the right one.

Fire Tower is easy to learn, has minimal set-up time, and is intuitive to play, so that the action begins within minutes of opening the box. That said, this is not a simple game to master: multiple variables allow for a wide range of strategies, and no two games look alike. Fire Tower features a vibrant watercolor design by celebrated artist Kevin Ruelle. You can see Kevin’s fine art by visiting his website, ruellefineart.com.

When is your Kickstarter going live

The Kickstarter launched April 24, 2018, and funded in 2 hours.

Where are you in production/development? How close are you to complete?

The game is finished, has been heavily play-tested, the artwork is complete, and the manufacturer is chosen. We have spent the past 3 years working on the game, tweaking it, paying close attention to every detail. Of course, we are open to new ideas, and we always welcome feedback from the game community, which has been incredibly warm and welcoming to us throughout this entire process.

Are there any other games that you think are comparable to your game?

One of our favorite things about Fire Tower is that people who play our game can never think of another game that is quite like it. There are other games about fire fighting, but all the ones we know are cooperative games. There are other games that use patterns and spatial planning to strategize, but most of them are abstract games that don’t also include the more secretive elements that come with having a hand of action cards. What we love about Fire Tower is it has a retro look and feel, but the mechanics themselves are very unique.

You’re a game designer. You could have made any game you wanted. Why did you make THIS game?

This is the first game that we have taken this far into the production process, so it is definitely our baby! The two of us have always loved board games and board game design, and our conversations often start with, “What if you made a game about…” and go on for hours and hours.

One day we were going for a walk in the woods and we were talking about how coop games are fun because you are playing against the game, and competitive games are fun because you are playing against each other. What about a game where you are playing against both? We wanted to create an experience that ramps up over time, one where it becomes increasingly difficult to resist the building momentum of the game. A forest fire really stuck out to us as an exciting theme with a natural progression that would be both formidable and exhilarating.

What was your design process like?

You can always tell when one of us is really excited about a game, because they start building a prototype right away. After we went for that walk, we couldn’t stop talking about Fire Tower, and it was only a matter of days before we had a prototype built and were playtesting it. Of course, the game was very different from what it is now. The mechanics were different, the cards were different, and we were playing on this huge piece of white board that took up half our dining room. But the basic idea was the same, and after we played the game once, we couldn’t wait to play again. That’s how we knew we were onto something.

We’ve been lucky to have an amazing community of gamers and designers around us as we’ve gone through this process. We can’t thank them enough for all the insights they’ve offered. The two of us kept meticulous notes on all suggestions received, and have developed a framework to apply this information. We really tried to distill player’s impressions of the game into positive change, and learned the importance of finding common ground in what at first seems like contradicting feedback. Parsing out the trends in our data led to important developments that have been essential to Fire Tower.

What is the number one reason why a family MUST purchase this game?

This game takes about five minutes to learn and gets everyone laughing almost instantly. It is competitive, but at the same time lighthearted. One of our favorite parts about demoing Fire Tower at conventions has been watching the interactions between families as they battle for control of the forest. We love showing this game to kids and their parents, because it’s fun to listen to their hilarious banter as they go after each other. The game also works well for families because it presents core gameplay that young gamers can easily grasp, while at the same time offering unique mechanics and strategies that appeal to more seasoned gamers. This keeps every age bracket invested in the action, and also leaves room for kids to develop more nuanced strategies over time.

We wanted to create a game that was accessible to different types of learners, and tried to make it as intuitive as possible. We included cards that have both text and visual-based instructions, with a grid on each card that shows how it can be used. At one convention we met a father whose son had a hard time understanding text-based instructions and was pleasantly surprised that he found the visual directions of Fire Tower easy to digest. We’re overjoyed that Fire Tower is an inclusive experience that spans age and learning style. The social interactions the game encourages also compliment family gaming. Temporary alliances form and break as the wind changes, with players working together to send the fire away from themselves (and towards the other opponents).

Fire Tower forces players to try to predict how others will react to a varying range of situations, which leads to a lot of interesting interplay between personalities. The game is fiercely competitive, but at 15-30 minutes a game, it’s hard to be too sore of a loser (especially when you can just play again). In the meantime, kids are learning wildfire fighting terms and enhancing their spatial planning skills.

How long has this game been in development?

Just about three years. We are excited to finally get the game into the hands of gamers!

What obstacles did you encounter making this game?

Because Fire Tower is the first game we’ve taken to the edge of production, and our first KS project, we have had to educate ourselves on every aspect that goes into making a game. Ranging from the first design concept to the final product on your shelf. It’s hard to imagine the entire process while drawing your first prototype on a piece of poster board! We want to make sure that we manufacture a high quality product that is affordable for gamers. This means spending countless hours finding the perfect component. This included waking up in the middle of the night and weighing options of card size or the shade of our fire gems. We needed to consider sizing the game box to fit efficiently on pallets, and so much more. Overcoming these obstacles has helped us create a better product.

As co-designers it is hard to give up on some of your own ideas, even if you know they aren’t right. Both of us have had to learn to step back and ask, “Am I defending this idea because it truly enhances the game, or because I came up with it?”. Some of the hardest choices in the design process have been deciding when something has run its course and letting it go. Although some of these missteps end up fueling the next breakthrough! Creating Fire Tower has been one of the most challenging and rewarding logic puzzles we have ever encountered.

Designing a game brings out that same feeling of exhilaration you receive when planning out a complicated move for your next turn at game night. Designing Fire Tower has turned out to be one of the most addictive games we have ever played. Where all the limitations imposed on gameplay are up to your own discretion, and the possibilities for adjustments are endless.

What did your first prototype look like?

Our first prototype was this monolithic piece of poster board that had five or six versions of the game board. We used a lot of different things to represent the fire gems at first: plastic golden coins with a skull and crossbone printed on one side, pennies, torn pieces of paper, and sugar packets when we were in a bind once. Our first playtesters got to pick from a pile of plastic animals to represent their towers on the board. People often argued about who got to play as the jellyfish.

The first version of the firebreak tokens were ceramic tiles we found at a craft store. We had various friends with artistic skills who helped us draw the initial art on the cards. The deck was always changing! We used this setup until we’d locked down the core mechanics of the game. It was very exciting when we finally had some real artwork and were able to print a prototype through The Game Crafter. Still, sometimes we miss our giant poster board game.

Why did you get into making games?

Both of us have played around with game designing our whole lives. As kids we developed games that we played with our parents and close friends. At a certain point we were bouncing around so many ideas that we just had to see one all the way through. Designing a game was also an excuse to embed gaming even more into our lives. Meeting designers and playing their games has been one of our favorite parts of this whole process. Once we have Fire Tower produced and delivered we’re excited to turn our attention to other designs we’ve been working on!

What other information do you want us to know about you, your company, and/or your game?

Runaway Parade Games has a core mission to bring enjoyment to gamers through unique tabletop experiences. We’ve really enjoyed the process of showing Fire Tower to people at a range of extraordinary conventions including The Connecticut Festival of Indie Games, SnowCon, Pax Unplugged, Total Con, The Boston Festival of Indie Games, RetroWorld Expo, Too Many Games, Metatopia, and more. Games have been a lifelong passion for us. We’re excited to bring a new edition to a world that has brought us an extraordinary amount of joy. We’ve received a warm welcome from the tabletop world as a whole. Going forward we want to give back to the community, and share everything we’ve learned with people who are now embarking on the same journey we started three years ago.

The post Kickstarter Campaign of the Week: Fire Tower appeared first on Engaged Family Gaming.

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#Kickstarter Campaign of the Week: Fire Tower

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moviesihaveseenbeforeiamdea-blog · 7 years ago

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#205 Notorious

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Released: September 6, 1946

Director: Alfred Hitchcock

Written by: Ben Hecht

Starring: Ingrid Bergman, Cary Grant, Claude Rains

Had I Seen it Before? Yes

Technical Victory: This movie was, at the time, notorious (ha!) for a two-and-a-half minute scene of intimacy between Bergman and Grant. The scene, here, flouted the studio production codes of morality that dictated that a kiss could be no longer than three seconds. If you'll pay attention, at no point during the sequence do the two kiss for longer than three seconds.

The first time that I saw Notorious was on my 23rd birthday. I had stayed up all night the day before not doing anything particular and noticed that it was midnight and I was 23. I feel like anything after 21 isn't so much an event as it is an obligation, and I was in the middle of one of an endless amount of manufactured personal crises, so I decided to wallow in the little emotional reality that I had left and put on a movie to fall asleep to. I can't remember why, but I decided on Notorious, and, after fighting with the streaming website to get one of this Hitchcock film and not the 2009 Biggie Smalls biopic, I settled in for the night.

I got about an hour into it before I realized I wasn't paying much attention. I fell asleep soon after, not really sure what I'd seen or how I felt about it. So, while this was technically a rewatch, very few moments jarred any kind of memory (the would-be DUI with Bergman in the beginning, the wine cellar scene being about it).

It's a shame I didn't pay attention the first time, and another reason I'm grateful to be doing this cinematic journey because wow, Notorious is excellent. This is supposed to have been the movie that elevated Hitchcock's directorial reputation and began the career of what most people think of when they think of Hitchcock. (I didn't even know before I started this blog that Hitchcock started directing in the silent era during the '20s. The '20s!) Classics like Rope, Rear Window, Vertigo, and North by Northwest might not have happened if Alfred hadn't nailed down the sophistication and thrills he would become famous for in Notorious.

Ingrid Bergam and Cary Grant as Alicia Huberman and Devlin (Source)

Besides the aforementioned kiss sequence, this movie is also widely-regarded for displaying Hitchcock's mastery of camera work. In particular, I can think of two scenes in which Hitchcock's ability to convey information within the frame makes what would otherwise be a rote expository scene something transfixing.

The first of which is the dinner scene with the Nazis in Alexander Sebastian's (Claude Rains) mansion, in which the Rio-based no-good Nazis are sitting around plotting and scheming, one guest notices that wine bottle (filled with uranium ore, because this was the Atomic Age), and becomes upset. Everyone takes notice of the guest's agitation, and so one of the lead Nazis offers to drive him home, where he kills him. Watching the guest blubber all over everyone and try and explain his circumstances to an unsympathetic audience, hanging over the shoulder of Sebastian, who smokes his cigar and stares straight ahead, barely even acknowledging the man. The awkwardness and tension of the party is palpable, and sitting there I kept waiting for it to end, something to break the discomfort of watching a man try and excuse himself from a mortal mistake.

The second of which is this scene from the ball, where Ingrid Bergman's Alicia is shown to be holding the key to the wine cellar where the uranium ore is being held. The whole clip is worth watching, but it's that first shot that's masterful. Hitchcock begins with a shot of the mansion's splendor, panning along the grand staircase and taking a master shot of the ballroom in all of its extravagance before, in the same unbroken shot, zeroing in on Alicia talking to Sebastian for a moment before he walks away, and then zooming in close to the key in her hand. It's an almost instinctual display of Hitchcock's ability to know how long to hold a shot for, and turns a simple bit of "Alicia holds the key" into a moment for Hitchcock to show how small such an important detail really is, and how easily lost it is in the fray of a complex social setting.

And it's that back-and-forth between our social needs and the high-wire espionage that makes Notorious absorbing. Cary Grant's Devlin is a morally-wounded, tired seeming man. His attraction to Alicia is something which weighs heavily on him as he agonizes over her boozy floozy ways, trying to understand if he really thinks so lowly of her or if he is only ashamed of himself for his attraction to her. As he tells Alicia in Rio, "I've always been afraid of women." Which may be true, but he is especially afraid of this one. Cary Grant was a goofier, more comedic actor in his earlier years than he's often remembered for compared to the suave image of handsomeness he is often regarded as in hindsight, but Hitchcock, in particular, seemed adept at directing a darkness out of him that feels even more suited to Grant's demeanor.

And something even more refreshing for me was the space Hitchcock makes for Bergman's performance. As much as I loved Golden Age movies, there is rampant misogyny in both the roles offered to women and the performances demanded of them in those roles. While Notorious isn't the perfect expression of a feminist worldview, Bergman has a role designed for a woman who is in control of herself and is unwilling to be made into a "lady" by men uncomfortable with her spirit. Bergman is no wide-eyed doe as Alicia, who instead exhibits an equally hardened worldview as Devlin, and her gaze rarely appealing to a sense more involved than painful resignation. The moments of clarity in her eyes are reserved for when Devlin, reasonably upset at falling in love with a woman he has to push onto another man out of duty and unreasonably upset at Alicia for doing what he's told her to do, lashes out. Her love for him is subdued, but it is nuanced, deep. Her eyes water and for a moment she offers a brief moment of vulnerability before it is immediately built up again with a hardened determination to escape any sentiment for a man she tells herself she despises.

I'd also to make special mention of Claude Rains' performance as Alexander Sebastian, Nazi Incompetent and Millionaire Extraordinaire. Between the years of 1945-2016, it would have been very easy for a Nazi antagonist to be a despicable, totally unsympathetic character, but Sebastian isn't characterized so cartoonishly. His love for Alicia is genuine, and his belief that she loves him too is constantly on the verge of collapsing in on itself. He is at turns, jealous, devoted, controlling, and resigned to his fate. He seems genuinely conflicted about how much to trust Alicia, giving her his confidence totally in the beginning and watching it unravel right in front of him as he tries to understand his own denial. By the time Alicia's allegiances are indisputable and his mother and he understand that she must be killed before his co-conspirators understand his mistake and kill him to cover it up, it's not villainous satisfaction he exudes at besting his enemies. It's a grim acceptance, a world-weariness that we at first see in our supposed protagonists.

Claude Rains as Alexander Sebastian, Nazi (Source)

This a lonely movie. None of the characters express any exuberance. There's very little joy, only confused, conflicted professionals and pawns attempting to find some meaning in their lives, to justify an angry, shambled life with love. Even in the ending, with Devlin and Alicia reconciled, the final images we have are Devlin grimly carrying a near-death Alicia to the car to escape, playing Sebastian's panic off of himself, locking him out at the last minute and leaving him behind as they drive away. The final image itself is Sebastian walking stoically towards his mansion, with the remaining Nazis calling him back, assuring him they want to talk with him. We know the truth, that Sebastian is going to be killed for his incompetence. His walk up the steps is funereal, with the door frame seeming casket-like in its frame. Even though he deserves it, it is hard not to feel pity for a small man swallowed up by his circumstances.

The Rio presented in Notorious isn't a cornucopia of city-life and Latin America culture. It's an empty backdrop, a foreign locale enforcing the estrangement Alicia, Devlin, and Sebastian all feel in equal measure. The score is constrained throughout the movie, wisely eschewing Romantic movements or grandiose points-of-fact in favor of setting a sparse, empty mood. The whole of the presentation feels very subdued. On the superficial level, this movie could have just as easily been a James Bond movie, but the fact that it isn't is a testament to the subtleties in the writing, directing, and acting that make up Notorious.

I'm not of the opinion that Notorious is Hitchcock's greatest film, but it is certainly a masterful one. Though he would go on to greater heights for me, it's very hard to argue against this movie in terms of technical execution. I wrote in my reflections on No Country for Old Men that, for the Coen brothers, that movie wasn't my favorite of theirs, but it was certainly their most technically perfect. I feel similarly about this movie in regards to Hitchcock. Every detail is accounted for, there's no fat, no distractions, no bullshit. I hope to visit it again soon.

Final thoughts:

If you're in the mood, this is one of the movies on this list you can watch in its entirety on YouTube. Some dude has uploaded the whole thing here. Not sure how long that link will last, but the video was uploaded four years ago so I feel like it's probably in the clear at this point.

There is, of course, a Hitchcock cameo in this movie as well. During the party at Sebastian's mansion a little more than an hour into the movie, there's a scene with a man drinking champagne from a table and then walking off-screen. Even if you didn't know who it was, it's framed in such a way that it's obvious you're supposed to notice this one person.

Here's an essay from Deep Focus Reviews that goes far more into depth with this movie (and Hitchcock's abilities at large) than I'd ever be able to pull off. And, if I haven't yet made the case for how good this film is, here's another retrospective from British screenwriter Frank Cottrell Boyce at The Guardian.

There's a poignancy to me in Grant's Devlin feeling so conflicted about his feelings for women, as it mirrors the actor's own struggles with women in his life. The estrangement from his mother had an enormous impact on him, and by all accounts, he was a temperamental husband. But he was also widely-known for treating the women in his professional life with the utmost respect and attention. Being a person is hard, and Cary Grant is no exception.

#movies #notorious #hitchcock #ingrid bergman #cary grant #claude rains

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