#-have not been able to eat these past few days because i thought i didnt deserve it. shut up.

[phoebespenglers]

and on that note that if your activism involves guilt tripping people and telling them that they're a horrible irredeemable person for not vocally supporting your cause or horrible for needing a break and putting their mental health first: shut the fuck up.

[aonungyoufuck]

Runaway {Part 4}

Masterlist

DNI/BYF

Synopsis: Ao'nung and you have a talk behind some rocks. And oh oh whats this? A baby??

It had been around a week or so. You had finally been healed enough that Ronal saw fit to train you a little. Finally being able to go home. You thanked your stars that all you had to do now was eat some stew here and there for the internal pain you still felt. 

“Good. This is good'' Ronal complimented your craftsmanship on the basket you had weaved. You weren’t allowed to train in anything else. Tsireya was there for that. But she had asked you for a basket and a blanket. Aside from the proper paste that would dissolve the umbilical cord without hurting the babe or Ronal. 

“Thank you!” You nodded, bowing your head. “I will like to make your babe another Blanket. If it is alright with you” 

“That is fine.” 

“I know you said i cant help deliver the babe. I do know how to if you ever need extra help.” You hadn’t really delivered a lot of babies. But Your mother and grandmother had allowed you and Kiri to train for the woman of your old clan. 

“ I am aware, thank you. If you dont mind. Ill go make your food.” She stood up with your help as you handed her the basket. “You go on and get going. Remember no going until the water just yet”

You nodded bidding her goodbye as you watched her go. 

Walking home you didnt expect much to happen. Didn’t expect to be stopped. But feeling the slightest of tugs on your hand you looked. 

To Your Surprise it was Rotxo.

“Oh? Is there something you need?”

“Come with me” 

With not much thought you followed after. You didnt know why, or perhaps you did. But you just knew this was because of Ao’nung. 

In the time you been healing you had spend the most time with him. It was nice to have a friend in him too. And maybe your heart ached a little when you saw him. Whenever he was close to you.  

You had gone crazy. You knew. All your life you had wanted nothing than to prove your spot to your family. But as of late all you could think about was a mate. 

You were growing older. And soon if things work out correctly. You’ll be an adult in the eyes of the clan. You had hoped it was going to work. All you really had was to bond with a tulkun and Tame a skimwing. And had you not been shot close to your heart. Perhaps you wouldn’t have to stop your progress. 

“Where are we going?”

“Ao’nung is wanting to meet you near the Reef. But away from prying eyes”

There it was. That hint that he would be there to see you. For what you weren’t sure. 

“Sounds like he wants to kill me” 

At that he let out a hefty laugh. And it was nice to finally hear it. You hadn’t realized it. But your near death had caused almost everyone to dim their light. “I think its more to help you train on taming a skimwing”

“Wow jumping to training already”

“He has good reason for it too” 

You could only smile. The faintest of little hope you had lighting up. Warming your chest with a feeling you didn’t know of. 

“He’s past that rock over there. I'm heading home. I still have an awful lot of chores to do.” Rotxo spoke as he started running back. 

You watched him go. Before walking over the rocks and finally seeing the open sea. And there Ao’nung was. 

“Tame a skimwing huh? Forgot i cant go into the water just yet?”

“Oh hush i thought you may appreciate some alone time from everyone”

“That would include you Genius” 

He could only mock a laugh. Watching as you sat down beside him.Something about the past few days had changed everything about your dynamic.  Things were different. The looks were passionate and other worldly. And all you two wanted and mutually understood is that you were better together alone. 

“Ao’nung may i .. say something?”

“If its stupid no”

“Wow thanks” You muttered looking out to sea. “When..When our time comes to find mates Do you think we could still enjoy moments like this?”

“What?” you could barely make out what he said. A longing whisper in the wind. 

“I Know your nearly done with your. Well you know. I have no doubt once you become an adult in the eyes of your people that. That you will have to find a mate some time soon”  and a stinging pain deep in your core wanted to hiss. To think of it was something else. But you would have to learn to live with it. “I just hope that. That when that happens. That we would still be able to talk. And to have moments like this. Tho they are rare and often times distant”

“ And who says that i will have a mate?”

You could only chuckle at that. “Well it is to happen. You are nearly done with your Training. And im sure your mother would like to get started with the next Tsahik training you know?”

“Do you have any in mind?”

You looked at him. Eye to eye. It felt surreal to see him like this. Like it was only you two in the world. And it made your heart beat to a rhythm you knew all to well. You felt it once before. When a boy you fancied back home looked your way. But this was strange. It was stronger and truer than anything else. 

“I do…but it cannot happen” 

“Why is that? When you complete the last task you can chose of any man you want” 

“But i cannot have him” You admitted. 

And Ao’nung seem to understand. Somewhere in his heart he felt light. And like he could fly so high at the thought of you choosing him. You didn’t have to say it. You didnt need to say it with words for he already knew too. 

“ I would run to you more than anyone else”

“What-”

“I would split the sea if you so much as asked. I would do anything and everything for you. And if you asked me for the farthest star in the universe i would do it too. What ever you so much as wish for at your beck and call i would do it” He spoke holding your hand in his. 

Your heart sped. It continued at a pace you were sure was unhealthy. But hearing those sweet nothing made your head spin

“Without you all that’s joyous becomes like mud. Instead of rejoicing i shed tears. My spirit is never at joy if not around you.For in the world under Eywa. There is no woman born so lovable so dear to my heart, who loves me without feigning, with such a deep love” He continued to look at you. Looking into your soul, you felt light .

You couldn’t believe your ears as your cheeks burned with a want just as he. You wanted him You did but you just couldn’t you knew. 

“What are you saying Ao’nung” you questioned. Entangling your hands together as you could only stare at him. Was he always this handsome? Did he always make your heart race this way?

“You alone are my love and longing. You are the sweet cooling of my mind that makes the days chores bearable. No joy for me anywhere without you here” Ao’nung didn’t know where this was coming from. Something in him just had to get it out. He just knew. 

He knew that he should have waited. Given this more time. To bloom. But you two were so close. He only had one step to go and you two. And he wanted everything to be said now before you ever thought of someone else but him at your side. 

He was crazy. But he already knew that. Ever since you had spend the most time with him and his family. He just knew. He knew he had to say what was so deeply rooted in his heart. 

“Ao’nung… We can’t I am the outsider do you not remember? You are The Future Olo’eyktan. You are the son of a promising Clan. What would your people think if… If we did mate?”

“ I will take no other woman if you do not choose me. For no other one has made me feel like i can take on the world” 

His hand now grabbed your wrist. Placing it on his chest. You could feel his heart. It beat so gently and you swore at the tune of your own. 

You did want this. Wanted to feel this love blossom because you knew that you couldn’t go against what Eywa put in front of you. Perhaps you too had gone mad. “Ao’nung… i”

Feeling his breathe next to your lips. A gentle look as he saw deep into your eyes. “If you choose me. I'd be the happiest i could ever be” 

“Ao’nung…”

“Y/n! There you are! Come hurry Mother’s about to go into labor”  You heard Tsireya yell from across the rocks. 

“Lets go. But whatever you decide please let me know as i will wait until you are ready” Ao’nung confessed. As he guided you back to the Clan. 

But right now you had to think of something else instead of what your heart wanted. And cracked so hard for.

------------------------------

Taglist:

@simp-erformarvelwomen

@luvlykrispy

[the-s1lly-corner]

can you make headcanons for all the tadc cast with a reckless reader?

also, have a good day :)

-daz

TADC cast x reckless! reader!

last post for this batch! ill get right back to answering stuff soon! my cinnamon roll dough is almost done with its first rise and ill have to shape them soon! also gotta make the frosting..! short post since the base of one of my thumbs is getting a lil sore idk if its because ive been typing so much these past few days or if i just slept on my hand wrong; maybe both

CAINE:

youre in luck reader! you cant really get hurt in the digital world...! well, not... traditionally.. you can definitely still feel pain, thats for sure, but i dont think your digital body has any bones to break or skin to scrape..! so hey at least you can kind of be as reckless as you want without consequence...! except, there are consequences. caine is not at all happy at your recklessness.. i mean sure yeah some of his IHAs can be more... intense, i mean zooble almost got turned into a gloink, but..! i think he tones down his adventures just so you wont throw yourself into the danger

POMNI:

tries to stop you but her words fall short as you run in yelling into whatever the threat is without a second thought. "i- wait- er..." and youre gone, leaving pomni to hurry and try to catch up with you. she probably has to drag you to safety, assuming this isnt a case where you got all glitched up by an abstracted circus member.. shes gonna have to work herself up to get you to chill out; perhaps ending in a whole emotional thing where she just. explodes? perhaps

RAGATHA:

just because you cant get hurt doesnt mean shes not going to fuss over you. if there were a need for it i think she would keep a pack of Band-Aids on her. however, because you guys cant get hurt in that way, she tries to keep you in bed when you inevitably get knocked a little too hard and need to rest it off. dont even think about trying to get up out of bed, shes going to give you this stern look that only a few percentage of people can muster.

you know the look

the stern one

scolds you too if you get caught up in something real dangerous

only really softens up if you threw yourself in danger for the sake of another person, because i think ragatha would do the same

JAX:

"bet you cant make that jump"

"bet i <> can!"

que you absolutely eating shit after you fail to make that jump, comically flipping over yourself and face planting. you probably have cartoon birds circling around your head. jax laughs at you before eventually coming over to help you up. he will not let you live this kind of stuff, down

KINGER:

he gets so so scared when youre not in his sight, i think if he knew you were willingly throwing yourself into harms way? this man would have a heart attack! like really, or he would if he still had his organs and stuff...if he could he would keep you in his pillow fort with him forever... but he cant, so he has to settle with following you around with meek attempts to try to stop you

ZOOBLE:

zooble would do similar stuff as jax, but when you actually. go to do the dangerous thing they just pull you back. "dude. i wasnt being serious"

bro has to keep you on one of those kid leashes because your first instinct someone says "bet" or "no balls" or anything in that vein, you need to prove yourself

GANGLE:

her comedy mask probably falls off from the sheer shock from how easily you just. launch yourself into things. on one hand she worries for you, but on the other hand she cant help but feel a little jealous; i mean shes just ribbon and a mask, shes not really... tough... strong.. durable... she wants to be able to run around and do the things you do but theres that fear of being immediately broken down or overpowered, you know? didnt mean to get silly there; anyways i think she would try to keep in you bed to sleep off the soreness, like ragatha

[vasito-de-leche]

so i’ve been looking through the role atlas since i read your post about the covers and so far i’ve seen a few interesting? things and so starting off with blonney

(in the arcanist magazine) her cover is worded differently compared to other arcanists. it says ‘an arcanist work’ instead of the usual ‘an arcanist’s work’. like the ‘a supernatural work’ thing you found. as we know, arcanist’s work pretty much means a pure-blood(?) arcanist, or at least brought to sentiency by an arcanist (in darley clatter’s case, to name one).

‘arcanist’s’ implies there being a creator of that arcanist, which would probably be their parents. but blonney’s only says ‘arcanist work’, so she fits into the category of an arcanist but it doesn’t mention anything about her ‘creator’. maybe she somehow acquired arcanum powers and was originally human? but then that would be in the infected’s territory now. (i don’t know blonney’s backstory so i don’t know if there’s an explanation found in it, but i might research it when it’s not in the middle of the night).

anyway, her exhibition thing is also worded differently. usually, it goes ‘exhibited in…’ etc etc, but hers says ‘first put on exhibit… remained on display…’. i think, for the rest, exhibited means how long they’ve lived, or at least something like that. that includes the possibility that they may have been reversed during the years they’ve lived in due to the storm, safely assuming that they have been affected by it, so the foundation can’t exactly track it properly. but based on the wording in blonney’s cover (‘remained on display’) it could mean that blonney hasn’t gone through a storm yet (again i dont know if its been proved or not because i didnt pay attention to the last event), so the foundation has pretty much been able to track her ‘exhibition’ and movements for the past years (1990s-2010s, it seems).

this is getting a bit long so im gonna have to cut it short here ! majority of this is just me spitballing and being incoherent at 10pm, methinks, but i want (no pressure) to hear your thoughts on this!

aand and and eating your art. your art and writing are very edible. i dine like a king whenever i see you post

oh hello and tysm for the ask, I love discussing this stuff!

I think I wrote that post the day before the release of the A Nightmare at Green Lake event, so I didn't take those characters' profiles into consideration! But now that you brought it up, I'm looking and comparing profiles, only the characters released during THAT event seem to have this small difference?

I don't have Jessica, but I do have the other three - so for reference, here's Horropedia and Tooth Fairy's profiles.

Their wording matches Blonney's, and looking at the fandom wiki's article for Jessica, she also seems to fall in line with this little change.

Overall, this seems to be a small mistake from the translation team, since no one else has this sort of wording?

I only have Diggers from the previous event to this one, the Theft of the Rimet Cup, but Pickles and Melania are consistent as well.

The same can be said for the current event, Journey to Mor Pakh.

Shamane releases in February, but I think we can assume his Cover profile will follow the same regular pattern as the rest.

I have to admit that I entirely ignored most of the Theft of the Rimet Cup event because the plot was extremely boring to me, so I can't talk about what happens in there in detail to start theorizing and whatnot - but I did read A Nightmare At Green Lake.

When first reading your ask, I thought that maybe there was a shared theme between the characters that could explain this little difference - like how in A Nightmare at Green Lake, the most prevalent theme is that of belonging.

In Blonney's case, she had to act as a human despite her arcanist heritage because of the benefits that came with a human identity, as well as the fact that she could play into the "dumb, blonde bimbo" stereotype and get away with anything because of her family's connections.

As for Horropedia, he was adopted by a human man - his grandfather who introduced him to horror movies - and a lot of his voicelines hint towards him not being able to fit in within the Foundation's standards and getting into a lot of trouble because of it, hence his admission into Vertin's group at the end of the event.

Jessica is implied to be a product of Zeno's crossbreeding between a "changeling" and a "North American deer woman" - being the only one of her kind, plus the fact that she only has critters to keep her company, cause her to be lonely and extremely attached to Blonney.

Tooth Fairy's specific backstory/event is a little blurry in my brain, but I remember that she comes from a very famous arcanist family - the Campbells - whose connections allowed Tooth Fairy to study something related to arcanists health? But she wasn't taken seriously and she discovered that her human mentor was corrupt, leading her to abandon that route and become a dentist for the Foundation (but feel free to correct me!)

So the shared theme of belonging was there, I could argue that hey, the wording is different because none of these characters' "creators" - in this sense, not exclusively biological but those in charge of them - are true arcanists. Blonney's parents faking their human status, Horropedia's human grandfather, Jessica's existence being a product of science gone wrong, Tooth Fairy's mentor being a corrupt human, etc.

But then, we find this exact type of character and themes in Journey to Mor Pahk - Kaalaa Bauna hides her status as an arcanist during her time at the university because she knows the stigma that she will face and how little respect arcanist related research gets. And even so, her profile follows the general one, instead of the ones from A Nightmare at Green Lake.

So with that whole thought out of my brain, for now I'm willing to believe that it's just one of the many little translation errors within the game.

Oh! And while I'm at it, in relation to the post you're referring to - this isn't related to the weird wording, but I said in that post that Lilya, specifically, had a very convoluted way of describing her time period that didn't match the other main characters who were alive and within the Foundation as the same time as her.

A few weeks after I posted that, me and some friends in a R1999 server started talking about that and turns out that Lilya DOES have a canon age in CN - she's 17. And in retrospect, I'm assuming that this specific change done to her Cover profile in global to obscure her age was done because of underage drinking issues, since she does drink and she gets drunk during one of the flashback boss battles - meaning she was even younger at that time.

[eroticmonstersimp]

WATER DRAGON BOYFRIEND

"Your incredibly stupid y/n, are you aware of that?"

You sucked your teeth and directed your attention to the fire roaring in the fireplace.

You were an herbalist. One of the only ones located in your small village. Since a young age nature was an interest to you, how eating certain plants or turning them into a paste could help heal. It was amazing, fascinating.

So at age 15 you officially started studying, even though you were already quite educated you decided to make it official.

Now at the age of 27 you were successful. The village depended on your knowledge of vegetation. When someone got sick they were to pay you a visit before even considering the local healer. To them, you were the healer.

Being an herbalist it was natural to be intrigued at the thought of studying a new plant, and that's what was happening now.

About a month ago a large group of travelers came to shore. With them they brought a strange plant you had never seen before. One of the travelers told you that the plant had long roots and its leaves held a goo that numbed for a short period of time.

You asked if you could have the plant they brought to study but they refused. So the only thing you could do was to go and get some for yourself of course. There was only one problem though.

"I am not stupid," you glared.

"YOU ARE!" your mother roared. " I understand your love for plants...but this is too far. You are well-aware of what lurks in those waters."

"I am aware. But I'm not going to let that stop me mother. Besides, they say as long as you peacefully make your way across you are fine. "

Your mother slammed her hand down onto the small table to her left."NO! It is not that simple y/n!"

You rolled your eyes. "How come? The travelers didnt have any problems."

"Just because they didnt doesnt mean you wont. Dragons are difficult creatures to read. One day they may commit mass murder then the next disappear like nothing happened. You can not tell me they dont do it for sport. They're sadistic!" She was worried for you. The thought of loosing her only child was evident in her argument.

" I will be fine mother. Listen to me, this plant could really make a difference for the village. If it does numb like the travelers say then it can be used for surgeries and pain relief. I am begging you, let me go. I will return to you I promise. "

After another long hour of conervsation with your mother you were surprisingly able to convince her to let you go. A few days later you were packed and prepared for the journey.

A couple of villagers offered you bread, berries and nuts to tend your hunger on the trip. You thanked them.

Before you left you spent a good 15 minutes assuring your mother you would be fine. A river of tears flooded her cheeks. It took everything you had not to cry yourself. With a final goodbye you were off.

Your boat was decent in size, with 2 paddles to row with. Luckily it wouldn't be too much of a chore since the waters current was calm.

About half-way through the day you had traveled a good distance. You had been going much faster than expected, so by nightfall you will have reached your destination. For now you have decided to take a short break.

You set down your paddles and reached in your bag for some bread. It was soft and fluffy, its flavor melted on your tongue almost. As you were finishing your lunch your boat rocked, a little more than usual.

With a delayed response you scrambled to grab the sides of your small boat in order to attempt and balance yourself. The once calm now strong waves splashed water into your boat, quickly filling in bottom.

a few feet ajead of you you could see a large shadow making its way to the surface. Breaking the surface something rose out from beneath.

The creature was the size of a large bunk bed, its scales were snowy white with a glossy shimmery effect. Its neck was long and spikes traveled down it disappearing underneath the water. The creatures eyes were aquamarine, they looked as if they were glowing.

You didnt move, and neither did it. He was gorgeous, and you hadnt even seen his bottom half because of it being submerged in water.

The dragon studied you with his eyes, the water surrounding you both resumed to its calm state. He slowly leaned closer to you, flaring his nostrils and huffing a cool gust of air onto your cheeks. You expected it to be warm, but it made sense since the dragon lived in the icy cool waters.

He stared at you for what seemed an eternity. Then he spoke. "What do you think your doing human." The dragons voice was deep and threatening.

You gulped and rose your arms in defense. "Im trying to get to the island on the other side." Your voice was laced with anxiety.

"For what?" He spat. He wasn't happy with your presence, that was for sure.

"I study vegetation. I have heard of a new plant on the island that i would like to collect for studying. "

The dragons furrowed his brows and leaned in closer, so close you were almost touching noses, well snouts. "You come all the way out here for a plant?" He asked.

You nodded. "Of course i did. This can be lifechanging for me. If what i have heard is true..that is."

The huge sea creature nodded at tour answer. "You won't make it by nightfall. Especially in that little wooden tub you call a boat. In the afternoon the tidea get stronger and around sunset is feeding time for creatures besides myself."

There was a slight breeze that cause goosebumps to crawl up the back of your neck. You pulled up the hood of your coat and sighed. "I can make it. Im not afraid of a few measly waves and creatures. I'll be fine."

The dragon showed no expression. Without a word he turned and disappeared head first into the dark blue water. You werent expecting him to just...leave.

×____________________________________×

Around 2 hours later the sun started to set. Just like the dragon said the tide picked up, heavily. You were struggling to stay in your boat, one of your oars was proably lying at the bottom of the ocean floor and to make matters worse it had started to rain.

The water droplets were small but dealed a lot of damage. They were like ice. The droplets had soaked your clothing, you minds well have just tajen them off.

You wanted to cry. Maybe you should have just listened to your mother and just stayed. Or maybe you should have just waited instead of leaping headfirst into the situation.

"I told you."

With a shiver you looked to your left the see the dragon with his head poked out of the water, staring at you."You did."

The dragon was right. You wont make it. You should've listened. "Would you like some help?" He asked.

"I thought dragons were mean, sadistic beings? Why are you trying to help me?" You askes hesitantly. You just couldn't wrap your head around the reason he waa helping you.

He once again have no expression. "That is nothing but a stereotype. Not all of us crave destruction." The sea creature moved closer to your little boat. His hand the size of a small bush rose from the water. "Collect your things and climb on. I'll help you."

You grabbed your bag and swung it over your shoulder. The dragon lowered his hand and front of you to make it easier for you to climb on. Once you were seated he gentley wrapped his large fingers around you.

"Take a deep breathe." With a nod you did as you were told. You felt yourself being submerged by the cold waters. It was freezing.

Within seconds as you two went deeper down the sunlight faded away. The icy water stung your eyes. You closed them, it was getting to dark to see anything anyway.

He was a fast swimmer. You could feel the water around you rushing by it seemed. You could feel when he took a turn or dove deeper.

You were starting to run out of breathe. You pounded your fist against his large wrist. He squeezed you in return. As if saying 'i know.'

Instead of a dive tou swam upwards and broke the surface of the blue liquid. Slowly you opened your eyes to see a crystal cave. It was coveres in amethyst, clear quarts and icicles.

The sea creature crawled up onto the ice made floor and gently set you down. You were finally able to see the rest of him. He had a long tail, twice the size of him. The spikes that ran down the back of his neck to his tail were black with a blueish gloss. His underbelly was a light grey. Resting on his back were a large set of wings. They were a snowy white like the rest of him.

"This way." The dragon said as he traveled deeper into the crystal cave. You wrap yoir arms aeound yourseld and followed. The little water adventure had made your temperature drop, a lot more than normal.

You followed him and took a turn to see a large area surrounded by crystals. In the back corner there was a small waterfall. In the other corner there was a waterhole, with steam...?

"The waterfall has fresh drinkable water. I have food if your hungry. If yiu would like you are mkre than welcome to take a bath, im sure you woukd like to gwt out of the ckothes and have a chance to warm up." He said non-chantadly.

You looked over at him with wide-eyea. "But..how?" You asked.

He made his way over to a pile of large cloths and curled up. His head resting on his arm. " this is called a dragons lair. They are created when a dragon focuses his energy on an specific area. " he reaponded.

You shrugged off your dripping wet coat, throwing it to the side. "So you created this?"

"I did." He said, closing his eyes.

The absence of thw weight of your soaked clothing already had you feeling better, but being surrounded by ice didnt help the still present chill in the air. You looked over to still see the dragon with his eyes closed. Okay good. Hes not looking at me. Slowly you stepped into the heated watering hole. You released a sigh as you sank in.

The water was perfect. Not too hot, and not too cold. You looked over at the sound of shuffling. The dragon gave a big strech, like a cat almost and walked around a corner.

Within moments he returned and walked over your way. In his hand he carried a cream colored cloth. He paused a good few feet away from you. Trying not to invade your privacy. "Here. Im sure you dont want to put back on your clothes from before." The dragon lightly threw the cloth your way. you nodded in thanks.

He turned around and returned to his previous area on the floor. "what is your name?" the creature said softly. you looked over his way to respond.

"y/n. and yours?" the dragon slowly closed his eyes and blew a long sigh. his tail swept across the floor and wrapped around him.

"its enya. "

x______________________________________________________________________________x

after you had gotten dressed and eaten the fruits provided by enya you were ready to rest. your arms were sore from rowing and your legs were stiff from sitting in a tiny boat for an entire day. you streched and released the loud yawn. the sound of your bones popping broke the silence in the crystal cave. "tired?" enya asked. he hadnt moved from his spot on the floor. the only movement he made was the occassionaly swish of his tail.

you nodded. "i am. it 's been an eventful day for me. "

Enya chuckled. it was quiet and deep. "i would assume so." he lifted his arm and wing looking your way. "you may lay here. you will freeze to death anywhere else. he stated. you made your way to him and layed down on the cool floor beneath his arm and wing. enya rested them on top of you lightly, to be sure not to crush you. it would be a shame he provided all his help only to crush you to death on accident.

Enya's scales were cool but not as cool as the cave. he was cold but also warm? it made no sense. you werent complaining though. the important thing was that you were warm.

You could feel the pulse of the dragons heartbeat slowly quickening. " i've never really been this close to a human before. it's...different." so he was nervous. thats why his heartbeat sped up.

You shitfed beneath enya's arm. "and i've never been this close to a dragon before." he turned his head and looked at you. his eyes were a grey-ish silver. they reminded you of a smokey quarts. cool and reflective.

"i have tried countless times to help humans who try to cross over the water. but eachtime it goes..wrong." the dragon sighed.

"how wrong?" you asked. you wanted to know.

Enya looked away from you and stared off into the direction of the watering hole. "more than a few have taken their own lives." he said quietly. to be honest it didnt surprise you. growing up you were always told dragons were an enemy. that they were cruel, savage beings with a thirst for power and blood. but you now know that is not true about all of them.

you slowly slid your hand across enya's side. "dont beat yourself up over it. it's not your fault." he looked back at you. his large eyes studying you.

"thank you."

[moldwood]

i have 15 minutes before my work day starts, so why not have some reflections on 2023 for the lunar new year since my zodiac the dragon returns to me ☀️

PASSION

at the very end of the year, i did something i had always wanted to do and stepped down from work into a substitute position so i could focus on my art. it has been... slow, but i think it was the right move. whenever im not making something, i really cannot stand life. of course, i wont be able to stand it if i cant eat either, so well see how things turn out by the end of this year. i do think i need to get some art priorities in order, because im jumping around between a lot of projects which means theyre all getting done very slowly. i need to start focusing on one thing at a time, i think, but i really am enjoying the new stronger presence art has in my life.

MOOD

i really feel better than ever in regards to myself! most likely due to the aforementioned outpouring of passion into things ive wanted to do for YEARS. for the past few years, ive been a bit more aware of everything going on in my head than when i was a teen since i was still processing a lot of trauma, so ive been letting myself have a bit more slack on the rope in terms of "acting out of character" if that makes any sense. having a solid personality isnt something i really worry about since i know your sense of self is always shifting in every circumstance, but there were just some ways i never acted before that i let myself try on, find out its not for me, and then i end up feeling even more solid in who i am since i know what im not. i always knew i wasnt a giggly, happy-go-lucky person, but now i know that i can feel that way when i really really like someone. laios im talking about laios i have to be honest.

FRIENDSHIP

i think its my own personal failing that i overlook red flags from friends and try to make excuses for their behavior up until its too late and i have trouble not realizing that giving them an open space to be themself away from the world and support isnt enough to change that some are the type of people who are just looking for an excuse to think poorly of you anyway. i dont think im an overly kind person who will coddle someone being bad to me or a friend, but i definitely dont put my foot down enough. it happens in minor ways, but it happened in a major way again recently. if i had a dime for every time it turned into something severe, i would have two dimes. eight years apart and i let someone do the same thing, just minus suicide baiting me this time

tldr a friend of a friend sent that friend some stuff and it turns out that a friend who is no longer a friend turned into an islamophobe or at least started following islamophobic accounts and is very... delusional about the whole friendship + the kind of people we are + how we thought of him + really just wanted to think the worst of us and felt now he had a reason. we didnt read much more and felt no need to. its for the best that it's over, though, i think. he really was like that the whole friendship and didnt put any value on the things i/we did for him because it was never enough, which i knew the whole time but ignored because i thought if i did enough it would be enough, which leads me to:

i have been focusing more on loving my friends lately in the wake of that. i always have, though im not very vocal/chatty, so ive always shown it in my own way through giving drawings and gifts whenever im able. im never worried that i dont have a place in their lives, and im trying to worry less about the disconnect between how im thought of vs how i am. i think more what i am focusing on now is that i was always a very busy person, so while my friends were always very important to me, i want to do even more to show that since i want them to be sure of it. i dont have much time for any more projects, but i want to make sure they know i would do all i can for them outside of just drawing. i think this will help a bit with feeling more comfortable saying when i think something theyre doing isnt chill to me since the feeling would Hopefully go from me being bossy to me being just looking out for them being their best selves/not letting myself be misunderstood which just happens bc i dont talk very clearly not out of any lack of caring (there is a jumbled mess between my head and my mouth)

i also want to try to make new friends, or at least new acquaintances. theres a few people (mutuals 🥴) ive really wanted to talk to more, but i never know what to say. which makes sense, since i dont even talk with my friends all that much, usually only just whatever comes up in the current conversation in vc. autism damned. that boy cannot hold a conversation for his life. but maybe drawings are the way to go. my hands are all ive got IN SUMMARY

there are more thoughts and i dont have time to reread + word everything all nice because i have to work now. it is all a rambling train of thought mess. BUT tldr: life is really good right now and i feel more solid in the friendships im keeping and i am excited for my future art endeavors now that the last thing i was waiting for (the mixing palette!!!) came in. of course friendship is the longest section its the most important thing to me. anyway dreams for the year quickly ummmmm

✦ i want to learn how to use gouache. i have it! but i have to wait till i get a few projects out to get started. i think this will be very fun and very good for me because its been so long since ive played with a new medium ✦ i want to get better at small talk. how is the weather? do you like this type of weather? what type of weather do you like? what do you like to do when it is that type of weather? ✦ i want to visit prague to see if moving there would be good + feasible. my mom and half sister want to take a trip there, so i really hope that pans out and we can all go! ✦i want to work through my moral ocd about opening up a patreon/kofi and selling merch. people wouldnt subscribe if they didnt already have the money to. it doesnt matter if i make and sell 40 acrylic charms that are plastic and bad for the environment, taylor swift takes a private jet for a 20 minute car ride. ✦ i want to reach a higher fluency with arabic. its hard to find time to practice with my huge workload, so i think once i get better at time management with the projects, i can devote my mornings to a lesson a day and make better progress. ✦ lastly ig i want to try more new foods. i have been for the past several years, but i still am not the best at having good food consistently. im too busy right now to cook every day, so again i guess when i get better at time management between projects and life, i can devote some time in the week to meal prep + cooking good food. thank you laios dungeon meshi for reinforcing this. i already knew it but now theres a hot boy telling me it

2024 the year of more wahoooooo more taking more giving more drawing more cooking more dreaming more sun in the summer

[mekatrio]

ok organized my thoughts and reread some bits so this is the better worded long post where i complain abt why novel 6 and novel 7 rubbed me the wrong way, but specifically in regards to how it handled shintaro as a Main Character

firstly the 180 from kano's hatred towards shintaro to a current admiration is very jarring. it feels very rushed, and its very weird how kano practically has 0 lingering resentment towards him. like just two days ago he was psychologically torturing shintaro, and now he thinks of him like this?

^all of this is kano's gay ass pov regarding shintaro btw

like i completely understand now why people ship kanoshin now bc this 100% reads like a kid crushing on their older sibling's friend. it might just be really strange localization, but with the lack of fan translations for this novel, this is all i can go off from. but it honestly feels so bizarre and like, not in a funnily comforting way but like... a strange misogynistic way?! but ill get to that in a second.

anyways i understand that kano just had the biggest breakdown of his life in the ending of novel 5, and his facade essentially broke apart entirely. and now without the need to put up a front, kano is able to recognize how much shintaro has changed from the guy from two years ago who would turn away from everything in front of him. but despite that rationalization, its still an overall pretty weird dynamic bc well..... what connects these two individuals is a currently deceased ayano, but i feel like she doesnt play a significant enough role in their assessments of one another.

and this is what i mean by the fact that this kanoshin dynamic feels strangely misogynistic. if shintaro's feelings towards kano was like, "i owe it to you to get your sister back, because it was my arrogance in the past that led her to not confide in me", then that wouldve been fine, and would have also been what i expected. but instead it feels more like a "hey, youre not that bad of a guy, shintaro!" "haha you too kano! guffaw guffaw", like.. what?

but to get to the crux of it, what bothers me the most abt their dynamic is that kano (and the rest of the dan) is now suddenly relying on shintaro. like all of a sudden he's being given rein to create a gameplan for them to survive the summer. like what? this is what i mean by shintaro's Main Character Complex, where hes placed into this type of position seemingly just bc he is the Main Character of the story.

i have many issues with the fact that shintaro was the main planner for this infiltration scheme. i think it was a big mistake that only a few members worked on it, cuz something this important shouldve involved the whole group's input, so its off-putting that it didnt. hibiya apparently played a big role, but this was only mentioned in passing by kano, instead of actually being shown. maybe the final novel might show a more comprehensive picture of this plan being put together by the whole group, and if it does, ill be happy to eat my words.

but not just that, but also how extremely similar this plan is to the one that momo devised against the terrorists in novel 1. both of them hinged themselves on the same trick, with kido appearing out of thin air with mary by her side. but momo devised her plan in a much more stressful setting, in a hostage situation with only a cellphone, with way less members at her disposal and an even lesser understanding of everyone's powers. and yet momo is not shown to have put in any input in this new plan, and the similarities and her clever ideas from the first plan are not acknowledged at all, like??? despite momo being shown to be just as capable as shintaro, if not even more so, it feels like she got pushed to the side so shintaro could have more time Being The Main Character. not to mention that im also iffy with the fact that shintaro spent more time around kids her age than momo herself did, with momo instead running around with hibiya since novel 4?!

so instead of the concoction of the final climatic infiltration plan being a group effort, and rather than having momo play a bigger role which she very much deserved to, shintaro is randomly made leader of this plot instead. bc he is the Main Character; which is then justified bc of the intellect he possesses, which honestly feels like something that was hamfisted into the narrative.

shintaro's intellect has a difficult time fitting into the story. this intellect is meant to be the reason why he was brazenly arrogant, this arrogance then being the flaw of his former self (did not reach out to ayano in a way that mattered), but the strength of his current self (the confidence and resourcefulness to create a climatic infiltration plan). but as i pointed out, it's manner of fitting itself into the current day plot, came at the expense of making kano bizarrely forgiving, and copying momo's brilliance but without any of the acknowledgement.

and this then relates itself to novel 6, which similarly threw itself out of balance in order to have a pretty big focus on harushin. like i understand the importance of harushin, its supposed to be a significant parallel to shintaro's strange friendship with konoha. i get that. but it feels a bit Too skewed to harushin? i can recognize the harutaka but like ive said before, considering that takane's whole novel practically revolved around haruka, with shinaya playing a very small part, it feels unbalanced when haruka's novel almost focuses more on shintaro than it does takane?? but ok thats not the main thing thats out of balance that really gripes me, whats really irritating me is this:

WHEREEEEE THE HELL IS SHINAYA. LIKE. THERES NO SHINAYA?? like it just feels so unbalanced?? we got our harutaka, cool (all of novel 2 + some of novel 6). a few helpings of ayataka along the way, nice (ayano encouraging takane to confess her feelings 2 years ago + ayano's email to ene). novel 6 coming in with some sweet hot harushin, and a little sprinkle of haruaya, very nice. now wheres the shinaya? where is it. huh. Where... THERE... IS NO.... SHINAYA..... they are like, completely and utterly subtextual. it is almost parody. LIKE...

like on one hand i understand that this could be interpreted as a cool, deliberate effect; shinaya's relationship haunts the story and they haunt one another, they talk about how their absence affect each other and all that, but we never actually see them interact meaningfully in the story.

^relevant remind blue lyrics pertaining to shinaya (IN MY GRANDIOSE AND CORRECT OPINION)

i get that, thats cool. its just.... UGHHH its just super extremely frustrating. EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING. shintaro literally does not let up at all like he is INCREDIBLY unlikeable when he is a student so ayano's crush on him just feels incredibly deranged. HE DIDNT EVEN REMEMBER HER BIRTHDAY????? like for me to be ok with this, all of this needs to be remorsefully acknowledged or something and we need to get our penultimate shinaya moment in the daze or SOMETHING cuz this is. getting.. ridiculous..

ok but basically to wrap it up, very annoying that shintaro spent more time with kido, mary, and kano than momo did; very annoying that hes being relied on for making a crucial gameplan that practically ripped momo's brilliant ideas off with no acknowledgement; and very annoying that he played a massive role in haruka's novel, while shinaya continues to be the most subtextual of subtexts. GRAHHH

[dullahandyke]

cant be bothered to make mulitple posts. have one post with many contents, it is like a treasure chest. also whoops got long teehee take a readmore

BOOBS. boobs. tits and boobs. soft and eueueuugughghghgh fun to squish and heavy and smell nice. society if i had someone to fool around with. kissing doesnt sound that appealing but if i played w someones boobs it would fix me i think. sorry. not sorry actually #liveyourtruth. whaever im 19 i can post abt whatever i want n what i wanna post abt is boobs

not to hammer home an old thought but god i wish i lived in a town or a village or a city... theres literally fuck all to do here unless i wanna bug my parents for a ride into town so instead i just sit inside n its kind of detrimental to my social life n indepence. like on the plus side, i might have considered taking up vaping in a calculated 'swapping one vice for another' way if living in the middle of a field didnt make getting my hands on any on a regular basis so utterly implausible, so like its good detterant in that way, but also like man do you know how psyched i would be to be able to walk to the cinema. walk to any store where i could buy things. u know how long google maps says it would take to walk to my local library? two hours. cant even go anywhere to hang out on a whim or without enough reason to justify bothering my parents abt it. like all going well ill hopefully be in the city for college come september but like. killing and bitingggggg

graduating in a week and AUGH on one hand out the gap waheyyy only a month until exams are DONE FOREVER (until college) but on the other hand, fuck man im never gonna see this school again, i barely hang out w my friends outside of school unless its someones 18th which in practice means that after the debs thats IT!!!!!oh my god im going to DIE, i need to go find cliodna on instagram so i can follow her because shes nice. ill be sitting in random classrooms in school lately n be hit w the fucking melancholy because im like oh boy soon i'll never see this place again and its like... intellectually i know that i am not one to dwell on shit like this after its happened, as evidenced by the 'oh god my friends are all going off to college, itll only be me and the kiddies in the youth theatre next year' crisis i had last spring, after which i was Fine Actually and rarely even thought of the ppl who left bcos i have the object permanence of a 2 month old, and in practice this summer is gonna be the same as every summer is and i didnt see a single one of my irls during summer last year and i was fine but like.... idk man knowing its the end.... kills

speaking of which, oh my GOD the leaving starts in *checks watch* 22 DAYS. FUCK. like the points i need for my course are actually pitiful like but 🥺 wanna do good... do i regularly and loudly disparage the english course and maintain that the only real measure of one's writing capabilities is your own evaluation? yes! do i still want a H1? also yes! it would be the easiest thing in the world if i was less opinionated but luckily i AM that opinionated. also god. biology the day before history.... death. ive not been paying attention to either class for literally the past few months, im gonna have to kick it into high gear when i graduate bcos lbr im gonna get my shit together enough to pay attention until im not in school anymore.

thinking about boobs again. would like to hold some. an irl's school shirt keeps shifting so i can see her boobs thru the button gaps and im heeueuugueugh

eating a mini viennese ice cream or whatever its called n its good 👍🏻 hard to type w tho

boobs again. hhhahwhauhghah!

my ass hurt. done.

[swirlngthghts]

Sep 2

Brain Spill:

Reflecting my relationship, and how to make ours better.

We had a huge fight on Friday, during dinner I didn’t want to talk about it. I focused on my food, and my bgm to him talking was him nagging and telling me off about how everytime we fight he feels like I am very hostile towards him everytime we fought. I didnt understand why he had to act that way because the restaurant was closing at 9pm and by the time we got our food there was only 30 mins left and all I wanted to do was finish my food before the restaurant closes. We had a long walk towards Da’an forest park and had a very long talk about everything. I felt super overwhelmed and I didn’t really understand what he is saying towards the end. There were two points I remember from the convo;

1. He doesn’t compare me to anyone, as for me I have people I compare him to, either it’s people from my past relationships, or my girl friends boyfriends, etc. So this is unfair to him.

Tbh, I know I do it, and I try not to compare, but it’s hard not to. Like my coworker said, it’s like eating nice sushi, and not being able to go back to regular sushi. I mean, this is over-simplifying it A LOT, but it makes so much sense, I am trying to see past it, and I definitely need more time to figure out how to cope with it or see past the first stage.

2. He mentioned when I talk to him, I am very discouraging and very hostile towards him. This is a first. He wants me to encourage him more, and its hard for me to do so.

I told him what I’ve been feeling satisfied about, and I wanted to write down why I am not feeling taken care of and really think about the reasons behind it.

1. Sending me home: We’ve been dating for four months, and he’s never offered to take me home, or escort me home. So he doesn’t know where I live. He doesn’t even know where my home is. I live like 15 mins away from taipei city hall by bus. And sometimes on metros, I ask him to stay with me on the metro till my stop. It is probably 10-15 mins further than his stop. I had asked him several times, almost every time we take the metro, but never once did he do it. Sometimes it’s late, sometimes I am super tired and sleepy. Sometimes I just wish he could spend more time with me since my commutes are always longer than his from where we hang out and most of the times I get home later than he does. Like he literally has the time to shower and lay in bed by the time I arrive home, so I never understood why cant’ he spend an extra few minutes with me. He mentioned before he couldn’t come upstairs so why would he take me home. Sometimes its just about the thought behind it. Like, I’m not asking you to do it everyday, I ask every time now because it never happened and I want to see if he will be willing to. And… do you expect to enter a girls house everytime you send her home…? umm… isn’t it very normal for the guy to take the girl home safely after a date. I know he doesn’t have a car, so maybe even riding a few metro rides with me would be nice, but yea, he is just not willing to.

2. Not appreciating my efforts and my ideas. I gave him an example of when the time I realized the importance of it and the feeling it gave the other person and how appreciated it made me feel. I told him about this one time in university when Bernard played this song and I was like omg I love this song and he said: “Yea you showed it to me.” And I said omg you remember and he said “I remember, I remember everything someone else recommended or showed me”. So that stuck with me till today and after that day I tried to remember what other people has showed me or introduced to me so I don’t take it for granted. I noticed he often thinks a lot of them are his ideas, or he just doesn’t recognize the efforts that go behind it. You may say I’m petty and I am.

I have been reflecting what he said and I think omg maybe I am toxic asf. Like this isn’t the first time I’ve had this feedback, but i think I am already very very understanding to him, he also gives me a lot of comfort and makes me feel secure in the relationship, but idk, I want kids in latest two to three years so I need someone that can show me he is ready and can protect me NOW!!!!

Anyways, I am just did an AMH test and I hope my ovaries are healthy and everything is.

[kqtmansmokeschronic]

i cant really vent this anywhere else because of little stalkers and trolls and such, but fuck. my grandpa helped raise me because my mom had to raise 3 kids alone, his healths been up and down the past few years but last night... he had a fucking stroke and now he is in the hospital and its real. He's not dying anymore, hes dead and we're all just waiting to find out he gone, including himself, i cant imagine what he feels right now...this hurts so much. He was my male role model as a kid i didnt have anyone else and i was shy i didnt have alot of friends... i hung out with my grandparents. I love them so much man and the same day the same exact day, my beautfuil rescue dog who i rescued when i very very first got clean and im 10 years sober now, she helped me through it all she supported me there nights she kept me going i didnt have the same support that i do now my mom knows my needs when im in a mood like that and my boyfriend keeps me keeping my head up and walking forward but not because hes commanding or strict hes laid back but i keep going forward for him i want to make a life with him and before i had given up i thought i did everything and it was just waiting for my time to come as my grandpas but he saved me forreal he turned my life around so much so i have the support now but my baby, my poor undeserving of any pain little baby has been having seizers daily for a while now, but just one, the other day she didnt just have 2 but 3 and now for a few days thats the norm. for weeks she has a terrible cough like a hairball but there is no hair she just vant breathe and i saw both her eyes are cloudy she has cataracts in both of them and shes lost weight you couldnt feel her spine before at all and now its poking out, she doesnt seem to be able to eat as much food and her balance and everything is off its just one by one by one then the seizures so we (me and my om) knew... where this ends up but have done the best to keep her pain free and healthy and loved but at this poin. She is suffering, and she's suffering more and more as each day goes by, i guess selfishly and morbidly i hoped she would pass naturally because choosing is so hard. but she's suffereing and it not fair to make her suffer just so i can give her a few more treats and get a few more face full of kisses. I have to let my sweetheart go because if i dont i'll be hurting her...and its making me cry so hard right now just even considering i could ever hurt her in any way i could never. i wanted my boyfriend tto meet her... i wanted him to see what my life is and whats gotten me this far and to him and if he walks into the house and she isnt there he's going to miss a big reason im here its only a week away but i dont know if its humane to just not do it until after just so he can meet her... unless the vet says thats okay or wants a appt later anyway i just i have such a migraine i literally need to go to the ER but of course its my pick up day to get my takehomes from the methadone clinic cause i need my MAT(medication assisted treatment) but i cant stop crying and it keeps flaring tthe pain in my head and i just hope i can go to sleep and not have to go to the ER but i dont know i might have to. I love you isaac. i need you so much. even when im sick and anxious and can barely speak having you there is the only thing that stops the sheer panic and terror you bring me back into reality and you mean everything to me

[chicken2potato]

That will forever go down as the worst first date ever.😂😭 Omfg I can't believe that I did that.

He's been nice about it though, which is really awesome. But i still feel so fucking bad, omg. Not only for him but for the workers as well.

I don't know how things are going to go with us. He's been here and he's been nice and sweet but I'm still scared he's just going to leave. And i think thats a lot to do with everyone leaving in the past and shit.

I don't know. But I'm glad for the good things that are happening now and I'm trying my best to be grateful.

I might be finally getting my car back. Which would be so freaking nice. The biggest thing is the fact that I would be saving so much money on gas. And also I'll finally be able to listen to my own music and not the radio lol.

I might be applying for a new job. It pays a lot more than mine does and you get benefits from day one. I hope it works out but I'm not sure. I'm just so tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I have been trying to do better with saving. I have a little bit in savings now. Its literally like $500 but it's better than a few months ago when i thought I was going to be evicted because i couldn't pay my rent.

Its kind of crazy to think that was just a few months ago. I was at the point i didnt know what to do anymore. I was cleaning for people, returning bottles, returning things I had bought, anything to get money and I barely got by. Whenever shit happens i always try to tell myself that its not forever. Because its not. I'm making rent, I'm saving, I'm even thinking about the future like retirement and shit. Things do get better. And sometimes its not over night. I went weeks without eating a whole lot because i literally had no money for food. And now here i am, buying things at Walmart just because they look good. I'm sure in life I'll have more times when i am struggling and i hope I remember that it won't last forever. It gets better.

The next thing on my "get my shit together" list is my apartment. I have so much shit that I don't need. And it needs to be like deeply cleaned. I'll start by doing a little at a time. It won't last forever. Only if i allow it to.

[jamiec860]

A New Beginning, I Think

Lately, I've been really depressed. I started new medication and at first, it helped but the wave of sadness still hits me at least once a day. Thoughts of despair and loneliness starts to kick in, mostly when I'm believing that I am having a good day.

Today at work, I cried in the bathroom after scrolling through a bit of TikTok. I watched this clip from the show Shameless. I haven't watched the show in a while so I'm not sure who the girl was, but she had abandoned her child. I watched it about 3 times. Hearing that little boy say "Hi mom," really broke my heart, mostly when she didnt want him to call her that. I understand when people have children young, they might regret their choices and wished they were in a better place for their children. I totally understand that. Sometimes I just wish that I had a child to love, that I had someone to love me and my child. I want a family. I really do. I want it so bad that it hurts. Since my abortion back in August, I find myself in my job's bathroom sobbing my eyes out. It's not easy working at the front desk of a hotel and seeing happy familes walk through the lobby.

I'm jealous.

My mom hates when I say that. She says that someone will come along and love me like Z used to. I always think about Z. I don't think I go a week without saying his name or a thought running through my mind about him. I wanted a family with him so bad. I wanted to marry him and be with him forever, but life doesn't go the way you want it too unfortunately. 2 abortions later, I finally get that.

Don't get me wrong. I love being able to have the life that I have. It could be worse for me, and I know that, but sadly that doesn't make me feel better. The world is such a terrible place that I shouldn't want to bring a child into this world, but I do. I want to see my baby, see their smile and hear them call me "mommy". I want a teenager son who friends think I'm hot. I want to be the badass mom at the PTA. I want to make the best cookies on the street. I want that! I know I'm young and I could still have that, but my life is adding up from my timeline that I thought I had when I was a teenager.

My best friend of almost 10 years has 2 beautiful sons with a guy that loves her and who's a great father. I feel like she takes it for granted. She cheated on him and left her kids for days to be a stripper. She had her reasons but sometimes I get so mad at her because I want what she has. I want the guy I want the beautiful kids. She became a mother young, and I know she didn't even want to be a mother at first but now she is. I know she wants to live her 20s and be young and free, but she has responsibilities and she's not taking care of them. She makes me so mad that I called my mom and cried.

I just really want to meet a guy that doesn't just want me for my body. I recently met up with an old friend that I've known for 3 years. I know he wanted to just have sex and yet we never did in the time that we've known each other. He looked me in my eyes and said he loved looking into my eyes. That shit right there still has me thinking about him. I've been texting him for the past few days and he rarely responds so I'm sure he only wants sex but when he said that I felt seen. I don't want to think of myself as "easy" but sometimes I can be when I want a man's touch. Ugh, I felt weird saying that. I don't even know where I'm going with this.

Tomorrow, I start that TikTok challenge 75 hard but I'm going to do the soft version of it. I am excited because I do believe my life needs some stability to it and I feel like this would help me a lot. I need to read more books that aren't fanfiction lol (as much as I love it). I'm going to be going to the gym every day for 45 minutes. Eating healthier and reading more books. I have a ton of books that I really need to get through. I also need to get back into crocheting. I had a business with one of my closest friends, but I just wasn't crocheting enough to upload onto the Etsy site.

I met this older guy last week. He was the nicest person I ever met; I think. He told me that 2024 will be my year. He said I had the most beautiful smile that he has ever seen and that my personality really shines. He almost made me cry honestly. It feels nice when someone sees what I see about myself. It makes me feel not so crazy. Anyway, I'm babbling again so I'm going to wrap this up. I don't think anyone ever sees these, but I like having a little venting diary. Thank for reading if you found this and I want you to know that you matter.

[laffy-taffy-creations]

Day 27!!!

This fic was cross-posted on AO3 here

Dinner Time

Matches | Scars | "Let me see"

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Word count: 653

Warnings: needles, needles scars, implied/referenced trauma, mentioned sedation, very brief and not very explicit with it but past experimentation for anyone who was wondering

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got yet another package of needles. From Him.

Sedatives. To keep me in line. I sighed and hid the box under my bed. At the very least I could probably hide some of these in my hero suit or in the Limbo made by one of my powers for use in a fight if needed…

The thought that he was still sending me needles, almost as if it was a deliberate reminder of those four years…

Like I’d be able to forget them in the first place…

“Well, maybe through trauma block,” I said quietly to myself. I got up and went back to my desk. I hated that he was a teacher here now, he just had to start now of all years. I’d probably only get away from him by killing him.

Someone knocked at the door. “Hey Vee, it’s dinner time! Some of us made sukiyaki if you’re hungry!” Kaminari said on the other side.

“Mhn,” I responded.

“...We’re kinda worried. You havent left your dorm all day. I know you usually dont eat very much but… it’s just a single serving of sukiyaki so, if you could-”

Mina cut him off, “Get out here and eat! We havent seen you at all today not even for food, this is not a request! Meet us in the common room in 10 or I’m having Bakugou breakdown your door.”

I giggled. It wasnt like her to be this demanding usually… Had I really been in here all day?...

“...Okay.”

I heard the footsteps of them leaving, satisfied with that answer for now. I still had some things to do so I made a few design sketches for some gadgets and left them for polishing afte some food.

Making my way to common room, I gace a small wave to everyone there and sat down by where a small group was gathered. Mina passed over a bowl with a serving for me without saying anything.

Everyone was looking at me. Why was everyone looking at me? Had I been in my room for that long? Was it really that bad?

“...Why are you guys staring?”

“Oh, sorry! We’ve just… you’re usually covered head to toe…”

The confusion must’ve really shown on my mask because someone else explained, “This is the first time we’re seeing any of your skin that isnt your neck.”

I realized I came downstairs in a T-shirt and instinctively started hiding myself in an invisibility illusion.

“Nononono it’s cool! It’s just… not what we’re used to,” Mina reassured.

“I ran out of my usual long-sleeved stuff this morning,” I lied. I didnt mean to say it. I internally cursed myself for being a pathological liar before remembering I had only learned it because it kept me safe when I was younger. Either way, they took it as truth.

“Is that why you were hiding all day?” Kaminari asked.

I nodded. I might as well stick with it. I started stress eating to keep my mind off it.

“You look fine, why the fuck would that be why you’re hiding?” Bakugou commented.

It wasnt.

“Did you forget the safety hazard of my mask when I dont have all my skin covered?” I shot back and shoveled another bite of food into my mouth.

Ochako scooted a little closer to me. “I like the little dots on your arms. Like stars,” she complimented.

“Wait, does OV have freckles?” Mina asked.

I shook my head.

Ochako looked at me confused, “Vee, I’m looking right at them.”

“Those aren’t freckles,” I managed.

“They aren’t?”

No.

“Oooo let me see!”

Stop looking.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

You fell for the actual lie earlier.

“Well then what on earth are they?”

“SCARS!” I ended up shouting.

Everything fell silent. “They’re not freckles, they’re… they’re scars…”

Needle scars.

“...thank you for the food,” I said, taking my bowl and going back up to my room.

[indigo474]

Oct 15th- sunday funday

I've been nothing but tired and hungry all weekend. I've been sleeping really good and eating healthy food. lots of protein and veggies. i was tempted to order out tonight but decided against it. My body- oh my body.. I woke up with my back hurting.. and me being sore. i'm guessing from packing and picking up boxes and moving things here and there. i was thinking this must be how people feel when they complain about being/getting old. i did go for a run- it wasn't the best- my body just feels worn out. I got a lot done today... mostly everything is packed- i have a lot of clothes and a lot of shoes. too much- i think i will be unpacking forever.... I had to repack all of the old photo albums. i was able to skim through them without crying. i did get emotional when i found a picture of my Mom and Grandmom- ohh how i miss her. she was smiling big in the picture. thats the thing about pictures- they show the good times- the birthday parties and the holidays. everyone's happy and smiling.. how many nights did i sit in the front room scared to even move.. i would sit on the couch frozen waiting for him to go to bed so i could go in the kitchen and clean up from dinner. how great of a mom could i have been? I was there but not really there.. ahh and the more i'm able heal the more i realize how sick i was.. i just didnt know it.. and this is where self forgiveness come in.. the absolute hardest thing i have done and have to do is forgive myself-it's not something that is done once and move on.. oh no- it's just like everything else on this journey- the healing happens a little at a time.. it's a spiral.. things that would have floored me in the past.. no longer do. bit by bit- day by day.. i'm no longer clawing my way out of a black hole.. pain comes- pain goes.... sit with it, feel it, let it change you and let it go. weird i saw something today that i saw in a dream.. a procession of sorts.. i still don't know what i saw- in my dream i asked- what are they doing- who did i ask? I dont know, but i got an answer.. today i asked myself- i wonder what they are doing- very strange to me.. seeing something in my dreams and seeing it in real life. it's not the first time its happened. hopefully it wont be the last. its always odd- holy shit i dreamed this.. i fucking saw this in my dreams-it's normal in a sense because i'm seeing it for the 2nd time- and its happening.. but is it really normal? Someone said to me in casual conversation, yeah its like when birds fly into your car.. i didnt say anything at the time but i was like wow that happens to you to?? a few weeks later i asked her if she remembered saying that to me and she said yes it happens to me all the time.. i told her it happens to me too. I asked her if it was normal and she said she didn't know, i asked her if she thinks it happens to other people and she said she didnt know.. i told her i thought it only happened to me until she said it happens to her. she said weird stuff happens to her all the time.. me too, me too.

I cant believe this is really happening... i need to find someone that knows how do stuff. I need a new garbage disposal.. and a battery back up for the sump pump.. maybe i can do it by watching a few youtube videos. maddy is worried about money.. i am not. not yet anyway.. i dont want to worry... i want to enjoy this time in my life.. i want to enjoy my life period.. no worries.. just love .. its all going to workout.. all of it.. good things good things.. i have to believe in something.. i have to believe that what's ahead of me is much much better than that is behind me.. i haven't lived my best days yet. busy busy week..

[asahicore]

come to the conclusion i apperently didnt read this fic. SO HEAR U GO

That weekend, your parents ask you to do something about the cherries slowly starting to spoil in the fridge, so you put on your headphones and listen to an audiobook for entertainment, then get to pitting. It feels wrong to listen to The Kiss Quotient and its many smut scenes when your parents are coming and going out of the room, but what they don’t know won’t kill them; you just try to keep your reactions to a minimum during the extra spicy scenes.

HELLO ?!??!! SHES SO LMAOSHSKS. NAH I LAUGHED okay me personally enjoyed kiss quotient and rest of the three series. specially the next two talking about the struggles of autism or the how broad spectrum of autsim was. it was a good read for me from 2022. yeah... back to this tho. omg i might try this recipe off topic. It sounds good but ill end up eating the cherries cuz i love them.

If this were a cartoon or a 2012 teen show, you’d probably drop the pie tin, but thankfully, your hands aren’t that sweaty, and the shock of the man from the other day at the store being your neighbor isn’t that great, because of course, of course he’s your neighbor. You’re Y/N, after all; the almighty gods above would never let you have a boring, uneventful summer. Of course the hot new man in town is your neighbor.

can we talk bout these descriptions its so accurate like you just out do yourseld everytime ma'am. Its so attention grabbing. damn i regret not listening well during english lessons. i just wanna say to a masterpiece like this is SLAY THIS WAS SO GOOD SCRWAMINGSJSK i need to be able to go indept like how my eng teacher goes into dept about anytype of writing.

A walking wet dream. That’s what this man is. He’s walked right out of your deepest Wattpad-induced fantasies and into the house next door. Probably doesn’t help that you’d been listening to literary porn just fifteen minutes prior. 

SEE ITS SO PRECISE???? SO REAL??? hes so cute nervous plss

“My friends and I used to make stories about how this place is haunted, you know,” you say jokingly.

GHOST HUNTING FR

"We’ve been more roommates than a couple for the past six years. And you know, we kept on living together for Chaer mainly, but she’s found a new boyfriend and I wanted to have my own place. Which has led me here.”

its nice to see them on not bad terms

Your hot new neighbor was actually a DILF, you realized a bit inappropriately, perhaps. Cherry on top.

not the right time BABE 😭😭 BUT GO OFF

“You any good with kids?” he asks, leaning against the doorway with crossed arms and a smirk that makes your heart flutter.

hOON HMM YOU JUST MET HER WOAH WOAH.

“No one’s asking you to be that girl’s mom,” she says, dishing out some meat for the three of you. “I’d go get that man, if I were you.”

STOPDBDKD SO REAL OF HER 🗣🗣 SPEAK YOUR TRUTH BABE. omg HAHAHAA I LOVE THIS PART. IM SO SORRY BUT THIS ISNT EVEN FICTION THIS WHAT MY FRIENDS AND ME TALK ABOUT RANDONLY IM GOING TO CRY THIS IS FUNNY IN A GOOD WAY AND ENJOY IT

One afternoon, you’d made sure to go and sunbathe in your bikini at the exact moment he was doing some work outside, and even then, he merely gave your body a one-over and disappeared a few minutes later inside his house.

yes GIRLY GO OFF. SO GIRL BOSS YES YES GO BABE

It doesn’t help that you see his flexing, working muscles and beads of sweat on his hairline everyday.

he said two can play the game 💪💪

“I-I’m sorry, Y/N, I don’t know what came over me. We shouldn’t do this, it’s not- I shouldn’t have done that,” he sighs, looking defeatedly at the ground.

omg he :(( NO but i understand his pov on this moment omg

“If you swallow it, a tree will grow inside your belly and make you puke out cherries,” he’d lied when it was just the two of you at the outdoor table. 

every parent ever. i accidentally sallowed some seed and almost cried cuz i thought a plant will grow out of me ? I MEAN INSIDE OF ME 😭

Finally kissing him, and the next afternoon, you were browsing through the endless aisles of your local IKEA, holding his daughter’s hand and pretending like you hadn’t kissed her daddy.

nah babe yall are a couple now also. look at that "FAMILY" outting at IKEA...

He’s a really good dad, and that does nothing whatsoever to stop your DILF fantasies, although now, it’s really Sunghoon that you want, and the fact that he’s a dad isn’t a dealbreaker, it just makes him that much better.

SO TRUE AND SO REAL

“Are you sure about this? ‘Cause if you tell me that you want me… then I’ll be all yours, Sunghoon,”

If you concentrate you can hear me scream lose my shit over this line. Crying bleeding losing fighting throwing up climbing walls and umm drinking water. yes i feel extremely normal about this sentence.

currently scrwaming btw. im PMFYDHDJB AHHHVDIDIEK yes.

“That’s a good girl,”

HAHAHAAHHAAH (losing my mind fr) STOP THE WEEKND IS PLAYING on SHUFFLE UMM SPOTIFY KNOWS FR.

So, tell me, what’s your favorite position, princess?”

HELLONITS ALKOST 12 AM AND IM TRYING NOT TO SCREAM HELLODJDOS ONFUSKS HELLON!???! WEEKND PLAYING ISNT HELPING OMGSJS WOAH.

“Of course not. Is Heeseung your new dad?” he asks, mentioning his ex’s new boyfriend. Chaer shakes her head.“No. He’s Mommy’s boyfriend.” “Exactly, and Y/N is Daddy’s girlfriend. Isn’t she?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at you, smirking.

this part was funny hehehe

“My girls,”

HELLLO THATS SO CUTE SJNSNS OMFSUNDS I JUSGSIJS S CRYODND WHAT ONSISJSK I LOVEVYEH ENDINDG SM ITS LIKE IDNKDND SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR ENDINDS OPEN ENDED OR HAPPY ITS SO CUTE AND WHOLESPME I LOve iT AND I LIve FOR IT. Just SOOSHIDKD AHHHBSIHDKSN. OKAY GOODNIGHT ITS ALMOST 12 AM AND I HAVE WORK AS FIRST THING TMW

🍓 anon

🍓 anon as i type this i am buying a diamond ring to ask u to marry me..... OH MY GODDDDD

fun fact the whole kiss quotient audiobook thing is from my life lol i listened to the book and didnt love it.. literally loved stella but the male lead i forgot his name was so bleh just typical overprotective romance lead or wtv so i wasnt really planning on reading/listening mroe.. but if u think its worth it i might give it a shot

IM SO HAPPY U LIKE THE DESCRIPTIONS OMG <///3 i dont go into like detail or anythign ever but i do try to add funny (?) things or small descriptions here and there.. !!!!

ur right sunghoon asking her if shes good with kids on their second meeting is kinda wild 😭😭😭 mans has his priorities straight

"If you concentrate you can hear me scream lose my shit over this line. Crying bleeding losing fighting throwing up climbing walls and umm drinking water. yes i feel extremely normal about this sentence." this made me laugh soooo much oh my god

NOT THE WEEKND PLAYING DURING THE SMUT SCENE😭😭😭😭 ur fbi agent watching a little bit too closely at ur online activity

BAHAHA I HOPE UR WORK WENT WELL BUT OMG THANK U SO SO SO MUCH FOR THISSSSS I LOVE UUUUUUU

[yandere--stuck]

Bad Blood - Yandere!Batman x Reader x Yandere!Joker

It wasn't just The Joker who had been watching you. And to a point, you were aware of that.

After all, that just came with the territory of being a minor celebrity within Gotham city. It wasn't often that those considered "famous" in Gotham didn't either have connections to the mafia or were locked up within Arkham or Blackgate. 

As a reporter, you were watched on the news, on the streets - occasionally approached by fans, at parties where you mingled with your peers or made connections. All rather normal, really.

But, there were times when you could just feel it in your bones. You were being watched.

Like in the dark of night, the moon following you on your walk home. Alone. When the light from street lamps bathed everything in orange. The streets empty, the occasional car zooming by. It was then that you had felt watched.

It was understandable, something innate in humans, to feel frightened of the dark and the paranoia of being alone. Our imaginations run wild, and we trick ourselves into thinking that there's something out there with us. Someone following our every move, hiding just out of sight. But, no matter how many times you swore you were being watched, nothing ever happened. No muggings, no stalkers, no threats. When you got back to your apartment, unlocking and then re-locking all six of the locks on your door, you were able to let out a sigh of relief - it was just your own paranoia getting the best of you. You weren't being followed. You could relax, knowing that it was all in your head.

But, it wasn't.

Your paranoia wasn't unfounded. The shiver of your spine at the feeling of being watched wasn't your mind tricking itself. But, of course, even when you'd turn around to try and spot someone, something, you hadn't been able to see him. He had hid in the shadows and crouched atop rooftops, keeping watch over you.

He had done so every night. The moment you left the studio, to when you started your walk, and then headed home. He even stuck around to peer through your window, making sure you were truly safe. It wasn't something any of the Robins or Oracle knew about - it wasn't something they had to know. Well… It's not like he exactly lied about what he was doing during the alotted time of your walk home. But, he also didnt want to admit it, either - not that he thought what he was doing was wrong, but… He just didn't want anyone to be worried. To get the wrong idea. And it rarely took time out of his nightly patrol, just fifteen minutes. It wasn't a big deal.

He was just protecting you. That was just his job. He was supposed to protect the people of Gotham. To protect you. He just had a… Fixation, that's all. And when Bruce gets fixated on something, it's like pulling teeth for him to keep away.

Bruce met you like he does with most reporters - at a charity event. He had seen your stories on the news a few times beforehand, and braced himself for the usual song and dance - Vicki Vale trying to score something on the record for something much juicier and personal than the cause he was donating to, or perhaps Jack Ryder trying to rile him up to get him to throw a fit for a story. He was pleasantly surprised, however, when you treated him like an actual person. Sure, it could be that you were off the clock - but really, when were reporters ever really off the clock?

Most people would bend over backwards to get themselves into Brice Wayne's good graces. But, you… You talked to him like he was no different than anyone else. Maybe a bit reserved, but you had only just met, after all. In spite of this, Bruce found himself able to relax, chatting with you about the party, about your days up to then, your different careers. Bruce felt like he could actually be himself. With you, he wasn't Batman, nor was he billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne. He was just… Himself.

Him and you.

He decides to stick by your side most of the evening, you and him talking long into the night. About your lives, your worries, your hobbies, your interests. It had been so long since he talked about such personal things with someone, even Alfred. And you understand. You understand his worries of responsibility, the weight of the world among his shoulders, you understand the suffocation of isolation, you under his inability to move on from the trauma of his past, try as he might. You understand. Of course you do…

You acted as someone to vent to. A listening ear. You offered up advice, even if you might not have the right answers to his problem. Sure, you might not know the full extent of his stress, but it's the thought that counts. It's almost like this night was made for you and him. 

Something like, fate - that is, if Bruce had actually believed in something like that.

After that night, he found himself making a point to watch you on the news. The way you talked on the television is how you talked with him that night. Personable, comfortable, familiar. You might not be talking to him directly, but it warms his heart and staves off the icy chill of loneliness.

He went out of his way to find you during other important, publicized events. Most likely, you probably thought it was a coincidence that you kept finding yourself in his company. You most likely thought him as just an acquaintance, nothing more… But, oh, you meant so much to him.

And, oh, when you talked about Batman? Knowing that it was him you were talking about (even if you had no idea)... He'd be lying if it didn't make him a bit flustered. Your praises, the way you saw him as an inspiration, hoping after every mission that he was alright… And when you look into the camera and say to him, to Batman, through the screen, that you wish him a nice night and to be safe…?

God. He was smitten. And, really, that was his biggest mistake.

Feelings just made things complicated. He had learned that a long time ago. That everything he touched and loved was inevitably destroyed. It's why he works alone more often than not. He doesn't want someone getting hurt because of him ever again. Bruce has enemies, and Batman has even more. 

Even if he had tried to reach out to you as Bruce, as himself, who's to say you would have wanted to be with him? Why would someone like you want Bruce Wayne - someone who most of Gotham portrayed as an immature playboy who never got over the death of his parents. While the second part wasn't exactly wrong, the whole playboy thing was just a diversion. But, how in the hell was he supposed to explain that?

It was easier to just let you go. You'd be happier, and more importantly, safer without his presence in your life.

So, he satiated himself on watching you, protecting you from the shadows, and kept himself sane by rewatching footage of you he's stashed within your home and around your apartment building. If he adored you from afar, that wouldn't hurt anything, right?

… But now, he's wishing he had just taken the chance. He had been good, had left you alone.

And he watched as the helicopter you were in was shot down. Watched as the recording cut off. Heard as you screamed at the top of your lungs. He replayed what he had seen over and over in his mind, losing himself. Bruce had gone so tense in disbelief and grief and rage that by the time Alfred had brought him back to reality, his nails had dug into the armrest of his loveseat.

He had insisted to himself later that night that  investigating the scene of the crime wasn't fueled by personal connection or any feelings he may have. It was Batman's job. And if he ignores all the other bodies in favor of one that is presumed to be yours, it's just because he notices something different about it from the other's, that's all.

The body was decomposed far beyond that of the others, and had been exposed to the elements longer than the others. And to add onto that, the DNA sample Bruce had collected was matched with a body that had been gone missing from Gotham General.

Bruce's heart fluttered with hope and relief. You were alive, you had to be. But, just as quickly, realization crashed into him. If you were alive, it's only because Joker wanted you to be.

... What was he doing to you?

---

You stared down at the meal the Clown Prince of Crime had prepared for you - well, if you could call heating up a frozen dinner "preparing". It's not like you were exactly in a place to complain, though, considering the predicament you were stuck in.

Counting the time you had spent unconscious and Joker getting you situated and up to speed, it was most likely a few hours since the incident. You were feeling rather hungry… But, in spite of all of The Joker's lovey-dovey talk, you weren't quite sure if you could trust him to not serve you poisoned food. Even worse, however, was that you were still tied up - meaning the clown had to feed you, and you were even more unsure that he wouldn't kill you if you refused to eat.

In spite of the circumstances, and the dingy place you were trapped in, it wasn't exactly the worst. Hell, Joker had even lit up some candles for some mood lighting. Not exactly the worst "date", you had been on, sadly enough.

"Ready for some grub?" The Joker lurched into view, straightening his tie as he shot you a grin. "You must have worked up quite an appetite by now, considering all the excitement!"

You smiled in return, hoping it didn't look too strained as you nodded. You watched as he got his utensils ready, cutting up some of the food into smaller bites. You kept especially close attention on the hand holding a knife - though, it wasn't like you had any way to flee if he had decided to turn it on you.

The Joker stabbed at the food with a fork, setting down the knife, as he moved to raise your meal to your lips, while you attempted not to turn your head away. The fork approached closer and closer, and you tried to rid your mind of awful thoughts, like an eye being ripped out of its socket, implanted on the fork's tongues. But, then, The Joker suddenly stopped.

"Oh, silly me! I almost forgot," The Clown Prince set down the utensils, digging into the inside of his suit. With a flourish, he unveiled a bright, colorful, and clearly plastic flower, holding it out to you. "A present for you, m'dear! Go on, take a whiff."

You shook in your seat. Oh, God. You knew exactly where this was going. He had played you this whole time, like predators played with their food. He had made you think he had developed this obsession with you and managed to lull you into a false sense of security. And just when you were sure you were going to make it out of this situation alive, he planned to hit you with his trademark laughing gas and watch as you died.

You held back tears, shivering with fear and despair. And The Joker looked so happy, so encouraging. You were going to die. You had hit the end of the road.

You leaned forward, taking a breath through your nose-

And jumped, letting out a scream as the ceiling caved in, a dark figure crashing through. You whipped your head to face it- and winced as a small stream of water hit your cheek. Blinking once, twice, three times, you slowly turned to the clown and the trick flower in his hand.

Oh. So, it was just a regular trick flower. Not a deadly one. Okay. Okay, yeah. Sure. Great.

Groaning softly, your whole body went limp. You hung your head, shaking it slowly. Whatever. Whatever happened next, you didn't care. You were too exhausted.

"Aw, c'mon, Bats! Don'tcha know it's rude to upstage someone's act?" Joker asked. "Besides, you weren't invited to our little date night..."

...Batman?

From your periphery, you could see it. See him. 

Oh, thank God. Thank fucking God. You were saved! Batman was going to save you!

All the tiredness seemed to instantly fade as you were overwhelmed with adrenaline and relief. You were saved. You were saved. Batman was going to save you. Batman was going to protect you and make sure you were all right. You didn't have to worry or be scared anymore. Batman would do all of the worrying for you.

"You broke out of Arkham, killed innocent people, and kidnapped the sole survivor after almost killing them, as well," Batman seethed, his voice a growl. "You're going back to Arkham, and I'll be taking them with me, where they'll be safe."

"Hey! First off, the whole helicopter thing wasn't me, it was one of my boys. Well… To be fair, I had intended on killing them when we downed the thing, but eh, two birds with one stone, I suppose. I wouldn't even have been mad about it, if my darling reporter here hadn't almost been hurt in the crash," The Joker moved behind you, making you seize up as he grasped your shoulders, massaging them slightly. "And really, Bats, if this is some kind of jealousy thing, you could always just ask to share."

"You're insane." Batman spat.

"Babes, you really need to get some better material," The Clown tutted. "And I was being honest! I'm actually trying to communicate here," You were suddenly spun around, locking eyes with your hero. You shuddered as the Joker nuzzled you from behind, unable to stop your face from heating up. "What do you think, darling? How's about a three-way date with me and the big bad Bat?"

"I… I-I-" You stuttered, unable to get a coherent thought put as you burned with embarrassment.

Could anyone blame you for having a little  crush on Batman? You'd bet a good majority of Gothamites felt the same toward their dear Dark Knight. Hell, you'd even bet that some of the Rogues that the Caped Crusader went up against had feelings for him. It was pretty obvious the Joker did, at least.

And the Joker… He was a monster. A criminal. But, the time you've spent with him… Well, you could better understand how Dr. Quinnzel fell for the man. Despite your knowledge of the horrible crimes he committed, the way he treated you so kindly, it was hard to not get flustered, to not feel special. It was hard to ignore his humor, his affection for you, his pet names, his sweet gestures- no, no. This- this was ridiculous. You had to stop. You weren't thinking straight.

"Get your hands off of them!" The Bat spat.

"But I don't wanna!" Joker let out an exaggerated whine, before descending into giggles. Painted lips brushed against your neck. "Besides, I don't think they want me to…"

You felt hypersensitive, the brush of the Clown's lips drawing a whine from your throat.

Your eyes shot open wide as a pained scream ripped from Joker. You turned as best you could, watching the man stumble back, clutching his hand - a batarang sticking piercing through it, blood bubbling up from the wound and dripping to the floor.

The Joker hissed, bristling with rage. "Bats, why you-!"

In an instant, Batman shot put his batclaw, the claw digging into The Joker's suit, before retracting. The Joker stumbled as he rocketed forward, his face immediately colliding with Batman's fist. Before he could fall back, the Dark Knight caught him by the throat and squeezed. The Clown wheeled and coughed in shock at the closing of his windpipe and his desperation to breathe. The Bat slowly lifted another fist - and hit the other man so hard that even you winced. You watched as Joker fell onto his back with a low groan. The Batman stood above him, glowering and breathing heavily as he looked down on his nemesis.

"Batsy, babe… Ya know I love it when you play rough, but Jesus, warn a guy first, will ya?" The Joker laughed wearily, seemingly in a daze. 

Sneering, Batman grabbed his nemesis by his coat, tossing him aside onto his stomach. His foot came down to stomp onto his arm, making the other man whimper, and the Bat reached down to rip the batarang free from his hand, and in turn, ripping a scream from Joker's throat. Pulling out a pair of batcuffs, the Caped Crusader roughly restrained the man's arms, before lifting him to his feet.

"Careful with the merchandise…" The Joker grumbled.

With a second pair of cuffs, the Bat attached one of the cuffs to the Joker's ankle, the Clown laughing as he attempted to kick at the Bat to heed his progress, and then the other to a metal support pillar protruding from the floor.

And then, in the next instant, Batman was at your side, diligently working to free you from the shackles that bound you. As the restraints loosened, you took in a deep breath before letting out a shuddering sigh. You tried to stand, only for your legs to give out from under you - you had spent so long in that position that your legs had fallen asleep - but it was okay. Batman caught you. He caught you and he held you and pulled you into a hug. A gloved hand petted your hair soothingly.

"It's okay. You're safe, you're okay," The Bat rumbled. "I've got you."

This. This was what you loved most about The Batman. As much as he was revered for the fear he struck into the heart of evil, how he acted as a phantom in the night, fighting back against the criminals that roamed Gotham in the night… What you loved most was what came after. Your interviews with survivors of criminal attacks are what made you grow a fondness for the Dark Knight. How comforting they said he was. How he reassured them, made them feel safe. When he was there, they knew everything was okay. They knew they were safe. That everything was going to be okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

And you melted into his hold.

He continued to murmur reassurances as he began to massage your legs until the static feeling went away and you found the strength to stand - and even then, he let you lean against him as you walked out into the night together.

"You'll pay for this, Bats," The Joker spat, expression dark… Until he locked eyes with you, and his visage softened. "How about same time next week, love?"

Before you could think of responding, Batman pulled out of the building and far, far away from the madman within.

---

Bruce had to fight to keep his driving steady. His body was flooded with adrenaline and his heart rabitted a mile a minute. His entire being felt electric.

He had touched you, held you. And you held him back, reassured and calmed by him. It was everything he had dreamed of. You had leaned against for support and let him help you climb into the batmobile.

He had managed to track The Joker down to one of his usual hideouts that he and Harley stayed at - an old, abandoned amusement park that had been sold to him. Well, would have been sold to him, if he hadn't killed the owner of the property before they could seal the deal.

He kept sneaking glances at you from the corner of his eye. You, resting your head against the window, eyes shut as you tried to get some rest after everything you had been through. You could rest for as long as you liked. He was here now. Bruce would keep you safe.

Bruce took his usual shortcut into the batcave, driving into a cave opening just outside the manor, and you lifted your head, startled by the sudden turn and shift in light behind your eyes.

"Batman, where are we?"

Home.

You gasped as restraints wrapped over your ligaments, tying you down to the seat.

Bruce knew this was wrong. But, after such a long career as the Batman, he had learned that he often had to do the wrong thing in order to get the right outcome. He really wished there was any other way… But, you had a target on your head now. You'd be safe with him. He'd keep you deep within the batcave and visit you often. 

You sputtered, eyes wide with shock and disbelief and… Betrayal. Bruce hated the thought of you looking at him like that. He leaned over, softly pressing a kiss to your forehead. He felt you shiver under his touch.

He'd get you settled and comfortable. He'd reveal his true self to you at some point, but that was for later. You had been through enough for one night.

"You're safe now." Bruce lied promised. "I've got you."