#-but i still like the thought of them together. probably even moreso after gaining some info about them in s2

[quackle]

Man, I miss the days when everyone discussed the potential of Axel x Nichelle.

Nobody even talked about them anymore…

oh i miss those days a ton too. i can get why people moved on from it (heck i like ripaxel myself + the anount of ship wars about this whole thing was sooooo unnecessary and draining).

but idk, the axel x nichelle era was such a highlight for me. it was the first time i got invested in a td ship since......... man, probably roti? (jomaria you'll always be famous) i gained so many mutuals from it and it was so funny, taking every screenshot of them next to each other and going "omg cannon!!!!1!" i'll genuinely always miss it...

(HOWEVER. i think platonic axelle can still win. those two will be besties in the hypothetical third season TRUST (they might not even speak with each other yet again </3))

[artisticxlly]

Some (actually a lot) of my thoughts on Kagehina; the theme of soulmates

Disclaimer: I am still somewhat new to posting in this fandom. Someone might've posted these same exact takes already (I'm not well-versed in Kagehina analyses). This is just my pure brainrot (also unfiltered, so this doesn't have a ton of structure, just a collection of thoughts)!

As I'm getting more into this ship, there are a lot of things that make me emotional about them.

A thing some people point out when it comes to these two is that Kageyama's backstory is shown extremely late in the manga as a 'protagonist' (or at the least a very essential character). You can argue whether or not it's done well, but for me this is perfect to demonstrate a full-circle moment, as not only did Kageyama find this person that Kazuyo promised would find him, you as the reader only get to realise that now as well.

And adding onto that, in my opinion it also contrasts nicely with Hinata, as his backstory is shown from day one, it is one of the first things explored in the manga. It starts and ends with them, so to say.

About their backstories: As someone who is very much invested in Kageyama's whole arc of 'king of the court', here is a speculation of how he actually got to that point.

Maybe this is a bit obvious, but losing someone like Kazuyo is devastating. And at the time, Kageyama would struggle with making new friends. He always stands out in those flashback panels as someone who carries a passion for volleyball like no one else (at least for his childhood) e.g., he gets made fun of for not owning any video games.

At its core, that intense interest in volleyball is what connected him and his grandfather so deeply.

It makes sense for Kageyama to desperately dig his nails into that remainder of Kazuyo, to train more and more, chasing that feeling of connection to someone he was actively grieving.

And another point would be this famous panel:

"If you get really good". And Kageyama takes his word for it, because really, his grandfather would be one of the people he trusts more than anything. And he practices until exhaustion, until he can't, because he wants to have a relationship (no matter the nature) like that again, wants a deep connection that he gains through his passion for the sport. He wants someome to find him.

I think Kageyama would reach a point where the amount of time he invests into training would be both physically and mentally unhealthy.

And perhaps, that's what also leads to him having no compassion for the people who don't share the same fire as him on the court (which is honestly a bit of a common theme for Haikyuu and its characters). He'd probably doubt a person who is like what Kazuyo described exists.

And then Kageyama and Hinata meet for the first time one the court.

The first time you read the chapter, without knowing Kageyama's backstory, it's moreso framed that he is insensitive, a bit of a jerk too. You could even go as far as to interpret the line as "what have you been doing until now?!" as Kageyama thinking that Hinata should've just practised harder, especially when he later goes on to say that Hinata should get "better" if he truly wants to stay on the court for as long as possible.

When you reread the chapter after going through the whole manga though, these lines make a lot more sense, and - depending on your perspective - are a peek into just how taken Kageyama is when faced with someone who has an equal drive as him on the court.

"what have you been doing until now?!" turns into "why havent I met you sooner?" and "get better" turns into "get better (than me), so we can find each other again" (As Kazuyo promised Kageyama).

And actually, Kazuyo's promise doesn't become fully realised until they're both on the court again, now in different teams.

That's why the flashback to that line is used then, not when Hinata and Kageyama first bond together in Karasuno. Not when they make it to nationals. No, when they're in different teams, after you see Hinata go through a whole lot of development away from Kageyama, then the promise is finally fullfilled. You could argue back and forth which one of them ended up being "someone better" but the point is that they found each other again because of it. Doesn't even really matter that they're on different sides of the court.

That's their arc, at least if you focus on Kageyama's backstory.

In general though, they are characters that continue to parallel each other, over and over. The amount of which is honestly almost absurd.

One of the biggest ones is just how much time they invest into practicing. The manga makes it a point with both of them that the people around them don't have the same energy as them and get tired out while those two continue (like maniacs /hj).

I mean, they even like the gym for the same reason, they're fond of the smell (which makes me mushy I won't lie, these goddamn weirdos /aff).

Another one is that they both want to play as long as possible. During the first chapter of the manga, this whole theme drags through the whole chapter, as they both talk about competing to get to stay on the court longer than anyone else.

A last one, that I just find funny, is that their numbers are ALWAYS one apart and sometimes even the same as in previous teams, EXCEPT for their third year in high school.

Junior high 3rd year: 2 and 1

High school 1st year: 9 and 10

High school 3rd year: 2 and 5

Adlers/Msby: 20 and 21

National team (2021): 9 and 10

Ali Roma/Asas São Paulo: 20 and 21

Like it's not funny, how much these two share even before knowing each other. And yet, despite all the similarities, they don't immediately get along in the way you'd think. There is this weird tension where they meet, they immediately get into an argument, too. But there is nuance to it. Izumi points it out actually, that Kageyama took Hinata seriously. The rest of the people there didn't think much of Hinata and his team, and yet Kageyama seemed to have this 'innate' sense that Hinata wasn't someone you should underestimate.

And they fight again, when trying to get into Karasuno, when they're in Karasuno, etc. etc. But it's never them genuinely disliking each other, it's just bickering at most. And as you read along you grow very fond of that aspect of them.

Maybe it is an overused word, but I don't think you could make it any clearer that those two are written to be soulmates.

Anyways, those are my thoughts! I'm obviously not normal about them, but I hope someone else can agree with these takes ^^

[nevarroes]

i know u don’t want them to be immortal but i can’t stop thinking about gortcas being bound together by a warlock pact. they are already so far gone for each other, but gortash giving up everything, that not even his soul is his because he’d give that to cas too, like im 🤒 not to mention the continuous feedback loop of power between them both, bc gortash’s dedication and reverence of cas only makes them stronger, and that strength funnels back into gortash through the warlock powers. also cas can basically have it in the fine print that gortash is his and only his and has to gain more/eat more for his powers or something. at the very least has a clause about never losing weight lol

idk there’s just something about gortash reading the whole contract or whatever, and understanding he’s giving his whole self to cas, there will not be a shred of him untouched, nothing left that he has not given to cas, and he signs it willingly. i know this is already the deal with gaining, his body belongs to cas. but it’s like okay what if everything gortash ever is or was belonged to cas too. what if you don’t just get his body and heart, but you have his soul, too, and you have proof that he gave it to you. willingly. there’s just something undeniable in that idk i hope u see and/or enjoy my rambling vision

this genuinely made me sit nd ponder this for a GOOD while I hope u know that…. rotating it on my mind🙏 I suppose I never quite considered it much because it went back to the immortality aspect for me however the more I thought abt it the more I was like…. it’s not really a definitive way out is it. like if Cas dies the contract is dissolved as well, but the thought nd the concept behind it.... yeag ur right🤒

ok here’s what im thinking right. Pretty early after taking over the city together Cas probably offered him a contract, he never was much a devil in a position to make contracts or pacts and he didn’t expect Gortash to accept this anyways, but he did write it nevertheless. A contract that swore that Cas would protect him with all his powers in return for Gortash’s soul. It was all that was in the contract at that point, some fine print but nothing unusual. Gortash rejected it obviously at the time, even if he trusted him he didn’t exactly want to repeat his childhood in the hells any time soon and he was cocky enough to think that he can protect himself just fine if Cas ever left his side. Still… Cas kept the contract around, moreso for fun than expecting Gortash to ever sign it. Sometimes he’d go back to it and add some things, treat it a bit like his personal fantasy journal. so he definitely added the things you mentioned😖

the years pass and they grow closer until, I assume around now timeline-wise, Gortash finds the contract again by accident, reading it nd seeing all the things Cas added for seemingly no reason. But this time he’s willing to sign it. Cas clearly made the deal even fucking worse but Gortash did all of those things already anyways, just as Cas was already protecting him every single day. And now with the way they are it’s not just trust that Gortash has in Cas but it’s pure devotion... like it doesn’t matter if Cas will fuck him up in the end, abuse his soul or whatever may happen, Gortash wants him to have it. So he just signs it and leaves it there until Cas returns and finds it💜 I don’t think they’d really bring it up either, maybe they stand on the balcony at night and Cas asks him why he did it to which Gortash would only say that he wants Cas to not doubt him ever again. That he’s serious about it. whatever "it" may be here... the contract or well.... them🤒

[fuzzydreamin]

My Fallout Writing Projects + Ideas

Alright, here's a list of the things I have for anyone interested in my plans and dumb thoughts.

I'm only trying to actively work on my main stories atm, but I hope to get to a few of my side stories at some point too - probably as palette cleaners between writing my bigger projects.

Main Stories

Give Me Sanctuary

Fallout 4 retelling. It's a huge project that's gonna cover pretty much all of the in-game content retold as a story, as well as changing things so that they make more sense both for being told as a story instead of a game that has to have a certain amount of tracks, and just in general for the things that don't make too much sense as they are atm. Multiple POV, centered on my OC built from the base female player model - Nora.

Tons of additions too. Companions will all have even more of a personal story and conclusions, relationships of all kinds will be explored, and background characters will be fleshed out, including bringing in some NPCs that are basically nobody or barely exist in-game beyond a mention, etc.

It's gonna be long, it's gonna be very self-indulgent, and it's gonna take me time, but time passes anyway and I'm gonna have fun putting it all together. It's for me.

Icarus Into Acheron

Fallout 3 story all about Alberta. I'll probably have to make this one while working on GMS as it would help make sense of things when Al shows up in Nora's story - though that won't be until somewhere around the final third or quarter. It won't be as long as GMS either, as I won't be going into the whole of Fo3 or hopefully doing too many massive rewrites to the games' story.

Mostly covers leaving Vault 101 to taking down the Enclave and the changes and challenges Al faces between then. There will still be a lot of the side quest stuff included as Al works their way around the Capital Wasteland gaining caps and contacts, but I'll also likely be leaving some of the side quests and DLC stuff for smaller additional stories rather than having them all together. They need things to do during their wandering phase after all.

While I said earlier that it would help make sense of Al's background and personality, I won't say that it would be required reading as IIA will have themes of SA which some might not be comfortable reading (it'd be dub-con moreso than non-con but that's a personal line to draw and I feel a warning is still needed). While violence in general isn't something I'll be shying away from in GMS, IIA will certainly be a much darker story overall mostly because of these themes and their impact on Al and the story.

But don't worry if you wouldn't want to read that, there will still be a certain level of explanation going on in GMS for Nora (and the reader) to understand the situation anyway. It just gives a deeper look into how everything came to be in relation to what's going on with Al. Writing the actual story down mostly helps me know what is concrete about it all - there's a lot I hesitate to say is canon about my OCs and stories until it's written down in full context and I don't hate it.

Side Stories

These may not happen in the orders listed - or some at all depending on how the main stories go. They're just ideas I have so far that don't fit into the main stories, usually because they don't happen in the timeframe of them.

Icarus Related

The Pitt - How Al gets caught up in that and deals with it. And it doesn't end any of the ways the game lets you do so because it's dumb and I hate it.

Mothership Zeta - Being kidnapped by aliens is canon to Al.

Point Lookout - Al hanging out with annoying the pants off of Desmond. Would defs have his POV and how he thinks of Al, comparing them to a mutt dog. They're a menace but a menace he can use. It'll be fun.

Harold/Bob might be it's own story. Maybe other interesting side quests that don't fit into the timeframe of IIA.

GMS Related

Danse leading an expedition on the newly refurbished USS Constitution to find wild horses/sleipnir for the Minutemen (Preston's busy and Danse knows more about ships in general). Has a few other companions along for the ride, as well as a lot of crewmembers under his command. Danse has a great time (/sarc).

Captain Zao fixing up the Yangtze so that he can go home, taking a test voyage that leads to Vault 120 - Idea surrounded Nora being the one to go with him (she tells very few people about the submarine) but she might be busy during the timeframe I initially planned for...

How Nora loses her leg several years after GMS.

Series of small prequel fics about the companions lives before the start of Fallout 4 - Origin stories. Things like M7-97 escaping the Institute and becoming Danse, Nicks earlier days out in the wastes and going from handyman to detective, Deacon and Barbara. Stuff like that.

Future fic. The kids have their own adventure. This is where my girl Barbie comes from, but she's not really a main character /doesn't get many if any POVs.

Alternate Universe Stories

Some of these have rough outlines, some are still just collections of ideas. I'm not actively writing any of these since I'm just focusing on my main fic, and some plot points in them won't make sense without being able to reference back to base-game changes and large events in GMS anyway. These essentially go in order of which I have more planned out.

We Dig Two Graves

Part 1: Fools Rush In: The bombs didn't fall. War continues on. Nora, unable to rejoin the JAG now that she's had Shaun and wants to stay close to him, joins the Cambridge police in some way (probs not an officer - need to look into it) and meets human Nick Valentine post the whole Eddie thing.

Very slice of life slow-burn romance with some drama and mystery tossed in. Explorations of love and grief and morality and the burdens of society, culminating in the two eventually going against the law and secretly hunting Eddie and his lot down. Nick and Nora end up having a daughter together - poly with Nate.

Part 2: Where Angels (Fear To) Tread: The bombs do fall! Now several years after when they should have (Shaun is about 3-4).

This time thing doesn't change much else about the world itself besides what explicitly happened in the prequel cause I can't be fucked doing all that. Human Nick went into Vault 111 with Nora and the kids in Nates place because Nate wasn't home and they needed to get to safety. He held onto Shaun while Nora had their daughter with her.

Both Nora and their daughter are stolen by Kellogg, with Nora insisting on being taken with her child rather than putting up a fight, knowing it would likely get her killed.

Nick dethaws later with Shaun and has to venture around the Commonwealth as the 'Sole' Survivor looking for his lost family while balancing looking after his son. Ofc he meets synth Nick, who is still the same as he is in-game and running on the recently post-Winter's End memories, thus he has no idea what happened in the prequel after his conciousness split from human Nick.

Nate is a ghoul, he gets to live in this AU damnit.

There Is No Sky

Something suddenly goes wrong™ with the world. It's a 'the apocalypse turned up' AU. The land goes sour, animals start to die, the air isn't good anymore, and people start turning to cannibalism to survive. It's chaos. It's fun. It's sad. A lot of people, including some companions, die or are maimed in some way. I really abuse a lot of characters in this, but I still plan to give it a 'happy' ending because by god did I want to give these characters back something after all I will put them through.

Blood and Thunder

Overboss Nora AU. Events go slightly differently when Nora goes to Nuka World and she has to take on becoming a raider boss for real this time. As she unites the raiders of the Commonwealth under her banner her former companions are stuck either trying to stop her or still facing down the Institute and their own problems.

At some point she and Maxson form an alliance between her raiders and the Brotherhood against the Institute, hence the title. The story focuses on exploring individuals limits, morality, what a person is willing to give up or do to others to protect what they hold dear, revenge and the idea redemption, etc.

Unnamed Cyberpunk-ish AU

The genre, not that show/game. This one actually mostly revolves around Danse and Hancock, and this world's version of The Railroad, which helps both synths and ghouls.

It's an AU where the bombs never dropped, the war ended, and the fallout pre-war society continued on into an even more futuristic age. However the impacts from the war still play a huge part in how that society functions, including how people went into vaults before they anticipated bombs falling and were still turned into science experiments because they had essentially signed away their rights to vault-tec, ghouls existing in modern society thanks to general radiation pollution and being shunned and hidden or even stolen away by the government, Institute and synth related things not dissimilar to in-game but in some cases more open and backed by the government, space travel (moon and mars), and more.

This is one of the ones that's still more of a collection of ideas than anything concrete yet. General jist is that there's a lot of bad shit happening that's just treated as normal, and Danse wants to go to space. If Nora does show up in this somehow she will probably play a much smaller part and won't be a main character or POV.

Other Stuff

I've got a few one-shot ideas too, but nothing worth mentioning. Honestly, it's mostly smut.

In regards to my Fallout 76 character, Jack, his story won't be done in a stright forward manner. I'm thinking something like journal entries, maybe some visual stuff if I can get the energy. I'm still figuring him out but I have some basic ideas.

As far as New Vegas and other games go, I have no real plans for anything for now. I haven't played them and am sort of holding off while I concentrate on my east coast content. I do want to see them and create some more OCs, but as you can see I have quite enough to keep me occupied for now. I'll probably play NV and create some OC's, but it would be a while before I really got into any stories for them.

[deans-haunted-baby]

Okay I see there are those who are confused as to why most of us are pissed about 15x19 I will gladly explain in depth:

Let’s start off with our boys Adam Milligan & Michael. These characters have not been seen for 10 fucking years. During that time there were Adam stans like myself campaigning like mad to have him and the infamous archangel return for some much needed closure. We had to content ourselves with headcanons, fanfictions and metas based on what we briefly knew of Adam and Michael as people while they unfairly sat in Hell. You might have seen the “Adam’s Still in Hell” memes that circulated. WE WAITED OVER A DECADE FOR THIS. And finally SPN answers our prayers and returns these boys back into the story for the final season. None of us anticipated what their arc and dynamic would look like. Before we could only imagine who these two characters were/are after having been trapped in a cage so long; what their personalities would be like and if they’d be antagonistic to TFW. 15x08 was a surprise because not only were Adam and Michael likable right out of the gate but the writing for them and their dynamic was damn near flawless! And Jake fucking stole the show he killed it as these two. It’s a crime they were not featured in more episodes because the chemistry between these characters is amazing and they’re played by the same dude.

We were given so much background into both Adam and Michael’s psyches in just a short period of time. Their motivations, interests and how they viewed those that wronged them (like the Winchesters); how Hell affected/changed them both and how they viewed their families. We got to see them banter, cooperate with one another and most importantly their different personalities. With Jake Abel appearing in only a handful of SPN episodes, he still fleshed out Michael and Adam beautifully; giving them layers and complexities that most side-characters (who’ve appeared more times than they have) didn’t. The way Jake played Adam’s anger and resentment towards his brothers was brilliant because it’s more under the surface compared to his angsty teenage self in 5x18. He’d become somewhat restrained, laid-back, gentler and wiser which works because Adam displays traits similar to Sam and Dean. He’s kinder and has a sense of humor but none of that distracts from rational thought as he’s quick to analyze and dissect situations. Man, he would’ve made a great hunter/Men of Letters recruit. We know right off the bat Adam’s pissed at his brothers for abandoning him in a thousand-year-prison-sentence and didn’t lift a finger BUT that ironically doesn’t compromise his willingness to help them unlike his past self in 5x18. Jake gets the point across with this character without saying much and that’s what made him so compelling to watch in this episode.

Now Michael was even more of a mystery onion since he wasn’t onscreen as much as Adam had been in past episodes so Jake got to really build on top of this character. Going from the uptight, cold-blooded merciless celestial warrior/dutiful son of God we saw in 5x22 to someone whom despite his arrogance and regal princely demeanor was very human, intelligent, fair, mindful and compassionate. He trusted Adam and respected his opinions even if he didn’t agree 100%. Whereas most angels take over the vessel completely from their original occupant; Michael chooses to share his vessel with Adam as a mutual agreement which says a lot about who he is. He’s fascinated with humanity and wanted to explore it instead of returning to his throne in the clouds. We know that Michael was created specifically to be Humanity’s protector and guardian of Heaven and Earth so these quirks he’d demonstrated in 15x08 aren’t too far off. He holds a lot of pain inside from his abandonment issues with his father whom he loves to a fault and grief over the death of his brothers. On the surface there’s very much an abused child syndrome thing going on with him though he masks it with a domineering presence. And above all this we saw that he was capable of forgiveness. Whether or not Michael always had these traits inside to begin with, its very evident that his friendship with Adam influenced the person he became post-Hell. And that was someone who, like Castiel, chose to rebel for the sake of free will by aligning himself with the Winchesters after witnessing the evil his father had committed. He actually cared about saving the world. This is what we call character development.

What does 15x19 do? It shits all over that. We don’t get to see Adam and Michael’s dynamic at all; and this was perhaps one of (if not the first) most healthy portrayal of a relationship between an angel and its original vessel occupant in the history of Supernatural. Adam is just killed off-screen Thanos style without so much as one last word and Michael barely reacts like he gives a crap. It was just established to us in 15x08 that he’d developed an emotional bond with Adam through years of inhabiting the same body. He protected Adam while they were trapped together in Hell. They were each other’s only friend and source of comfort. They’d developed a certain co-dependency on each other while respecting one another’s space. They’d both made peace with their joint situation. All they had was each other and the writing in 15x19 basically tells us their relationship meant absolutely NOTHING to Michael based on his OOC actions in this episode. He shows up much darker and shadier now that Adam is gone and its like all those years of friendship, things like that independence, newfound strength and humility he’d gained from living with a human for so long are erased. Michael just reverts back to Chuck’s 5x22 bitchboy persona in the most ridiculous 180 shift I’ve ever seen in my whole damn life. And all because his little brother called him mean names. Pitiful. Just when he lectures Lucifer about standing up for what’s right; he betrays his own words, his allies and the rest of humanity in T-minus 2 minutes. That is total character assassination. Nothing about this motivation makes any sense.

There’s no build up to it, no foreshadowing in 15x08 or throughout 15x19 until they get to the lake. He’s completely deconstructed as a character in this episode and rendered weak. It’s like 15x08 never happened. Stripped of all his development for lousy shock value. Instead utilizing all of what he’d learned through Adam and sticking it to Lucifer by proving he could be more than what Chuck tried to mold him into; Michael becomes just another NPC in the story forfeiting the hero he was. And his reasons for siding with Chuck are never specified. Was it about about saving Adam? Was it about proving something to Lucifer (whom he’d already killed in anti-climatic fashion)? Was it all an act that he was in on with the Winchesters; cause there’s absolutely NO FUCKING WAY they could’ve predicted he’d flip on them like that for their magical plan to work. Not after everything Chuck’s done, killing Adam and Jack and leaving Michael to rot in Hell for eternity. And why would he suddenly go along with destroying the Earth when defeating Chuck would probably get Adam back (if that was his goal) which IT DID not to mention its his sworn duty to freaking protect humanity, hello? So his betrayal meant jack shit in the end as it got him killed by his fucking dad!! He’s brought back into the show only to be ruined forever and killed off in the stupidest fashion.

Moving on.

Jack Kline & Castiel. This iron-clad relationship has been in development for 4 in 1/2 years since before Jack was even born. And next to Adam & Michael its the other most healthy relationship on the show. Castiel, a million year old celestial being, spent the first 9 years of his arc on Supernatural following around the Winchesters, being torn between his loyalty to them and to Heaven. He rebelled when he was supposed to be a straight-by-the-book warrior of God. And he defied every rule in the process even when the odds were stacked against him. There was an endless rinse and repeat cycle of love, loss, betrayal and redemption when it came to his relationship with Sam and Dean. It made his character complex, interesting and layered but it still didn’t give him an arc that was his own. Castiel started out moreso being written as just the Winchester’s angel BFF/side-kick. Until Lucifer got Kelly Kline pregnant in 12x08 then things really took off. Before this, Castiel was a lost soul. His faith was broken, he was depressed, lonely, battered and rundown from years of being conflicted over the other angels and Sam & Dean. He felt he’d lost a sense of self and meaning in his life. And didn’t have a mission. Once he turned on Heaven’s orders, Castiel was a rebel angel without a cause so to speak. But like I said this changes the moment he meets Kelly.

Originally Castiel was suppose to kill Kelly in 12x19 because she was carrying the child of the devil and Nephilim are considered forbidden abominations. Told that if Lucifer’s kid was born he could unleash even more evil into the world. But instead of doing what he thought he should, Castiel decides to runaway with her. Choosing to protect her from all threats (Lucifer, demons, other angels, princes of Hell); this especially included the Winchesters. During this short time-frame the angel develops a strong, emotional bond with Kelly and her unborn son that stretches all the way to the S12 finale; to the point where it actually gave him a power-boost. From the womb, Jack appoints Castiel to be his father and protector and he’s given a glimpse into the child’s destiny that he’ll bring paradise to the world. A prophecy that the writers establish head on. This is an unusual circumstance because right here is where Castiel’s solo arc apart from the Sam & Dean takes shape. The journey of becoming a first time parent and guardian. Its a new kind of independence that for the first time has nothing to do with his friends or his family members/colleagues in the sky. Its his own personal mission that he willingly accepts, the second he connects with Jack from inside Kelly. Castiel immediately falls in love with him, before they even see each other; and adopts the boy devoting himself to keeping him safe. Making a promise to Kelly that would later become a vital plot-point in the seasons to come.  

Castiel literally risks everything (Heaven and Earth) to ensure Jack’s birth and ends up dead by 12x23′s startling conclusion. Leaving the newborn infant Nephilim alone in the care of the Winchesters going into season 13; scared, confused and aged into a seemingly 18 year old boy for his own protection. And Alexander Calvert who is a fantastic addition to the cast really brings something wonderful to this role; he’s like a breath of fresh air and a bright light in the middle of a dark room. Jack’s naïve, innocent and curious about his surroundings but also as Castiel once put it “remarkably intuitive”. Right when he’s introduced his arc is intentionally paralleled with Castiel’s. Their alien-fish-out-of-water beginning is practically identical as is their adorable stoic facial expressions. Like father like son. And this helps because while the angel is currently dead in the beginning of season 13, there’s an empty void he’s left behind. So Jack is kind of his temporary stand-in. Odd enough this type of switcharoo would’ve been considered very controversial but it’s handled quite well. Alex is so likable and charming I almost wish Supernatural had introduced him sooner. I mean I really thought I was looking at Castiel’s actual mini-me and not the son of Satan. But I digress Jack’s story in the first half of this season is pretty much about discovery and reuniting with Castiel. He’s a baby so everything is new to him but he’s also one of the most powerful beings in the universe destined for greatness which makes the Winchesters very nervous.

Jack remembers choosing Castiel as his dad which is why he already feels strongly connected to him. Its a bond so powerful that it actually resurrects Castiel out of the Empty the first time. Something Chuck himself was unable to do (that was until the mess that is 15x19). When they’re finally reunited the payoff comes so naturally. Misha and Alex have such a phenomenal onscreen chemistry starting with that first hug; they really play off one another so well that it doesn’t feel like two angels interacting but a genuine father and son duo. So much of what makes Jack and Castiel’s relationship so relatable, deep and endearing is because of what the actors bring to it. But they’re not just a fascinating relationship, they’re compelling on their own too. Both trying to find their way in the world and within the Winchesters’ lives. Death is no stranger to either of them (tragic being that Jack is only a toddler). They’ve each experienced their own personal pain, traumas, life lessons, mistakes and decisions. The biggest for Castiel would be his deal with the Empty to save Jack in 14x08. While for Jack it was the consequences of said deal that would lose his soul causing him to accidently kill Sam and Dean’s mom in 14x18 as a result (something that Jack struggles with immensely to the brink of depression from so much guilt and regret that he’d rather die). Repercussions that would follow into the shows final season. What’s interesting about this deal though is that Castiel made it on parental instinct alone not as a promise to Kelly. He chose to sacrifice himself for the sake of his son as a selfless act of love and kept it a secret from Sam & Dean until his death in 15x18. That’s the extent how much this child meant to him. The other great thing about their family dynamic is that it parallels nicely with the Winchesters. Castiel and Jack share this unconditional love that can never be broken. its even greater than their ties to the Winchesters themselves just as Sam & Dean’s love for each other is greater than any of their other relationships. They would do anything for each other. Castiel would go to the ends of the earth for the little nougat baby because that’s his son.  

Each time these characters were faced with danger or died, Castiel and Jack were overcome with extreme devastation and distress. That said its not just pain that binds these two its happiness. Jack is the best thing that ever happened to Castiel. Literally becoming a father to that child saved him. It brought him back to life, restored his faith and gave him a sense of self-worth and hope he’d long since abandoned. And for Jack, Castiel is the best dad he’ll ever have! He gave this baby comfort, wisdom, nurturing, strength. Was always there when he needed him whether it was to talk or to have his back. No other person in Jack’s life has ever made such an important impact nor made him feel more safe and loved than Castiel. Even when Jack had done such a horrible thing to Mary alienating himself from his family; it was Castiel’s unyielding devotion to Jack that ended up being his salvation. This was huge because once again he’d chosen over the Winchesters proving that no matter what (whether it be the world ending) his son comes first. So when Castiel’s pact with the Empty finally comes due in 15x18 you’d think it’d have an earth-shattering affect on Jack in 15x19. I mean for the first bit it does...until he becomes God. Then its like to hell with that relationship. Castiel is a complete afterthought to Jack and the rest of TFW in this episode. JACK DOESN’T EVEN GET TO GRIEVE HIM PROPERLY. And he just lost his dad because of a deal he’d made a year ago for him. A DEAL JACK HAS BEEN FUCKING DREADING WHILE HE WAS SOULLESS MIND YOU. And when he finally has the power to bring him back, he doesn’t? Jack just walks around with a conceited smirk on his face, bids Sam and Dean adieu and fucks off. I mean who gives a shit right, its only your dad that you love more than anything. This was extremely OOC given that time in 14x14 Jack nearly lost his shit when Castiel got infected with gorgon poison; the anti-venom wasn’t working so Jack resorts to using his powers putting his soul at risk.

I mean if he was so limited to helping Castiel in the Empty AT LEAST FREAKING CLARIFIY THIS TO THE AUDIENCE. This is not about shipping a certain pairing btw. Jack becoming God is not the issue its his characterization after the fact. His first instinct would’ve been to save his dad above getting in touch with the Earth. Yes we knew this transformation was coming it was foreshowed way back in Season 12. Does that justify bad writing or character assassination?? HELL NO.

This is what I’m talking about, episode 15x19 deliberately butchers these characters and their relationships. It shat all over them. No one is behaving like themselves. The pacing is wonky and inconstant. The script feels like it underwent several rewrites and I swear there were scenes cut out. The acting is off too and maybe the pandemic could be blamed for these things but it ultimately falls on the writer. Buckleming screwed up by showing us they don’t know who the hell these characters are, their motivations nor do they give a rat’s ass. And its noticeable on screen. I’ve known better fanfiction writers for SPN than these guys. It’s like they all came back to work but just didn’t care to put the effort into it. That’s why people like me are upset and we have every freaking right to be. Some of us have been with this series for the entire 15 year run. I at least expect these characters to be handled better and for things to make sense. 15x19 doesn’t and its not satisfying its just a cruel joke. The writers and Dabb should be embarrassed to have put this out there thinking we’d just swallow it and shut up. But far as I’m concerned the only thing this episode serves is to disrespect and ruin everybody while angering long-time fans.

MICHAEL. ADAM MILLIGAN. JACK KLINE AND CASTIEL DESERVED BETTER. And that’s the tea.

[preemshots]

johnny + the nomads lore

alright, i know this is a screenshots blog but i'm going to go ahead and start dropping some juicy lore tidbits as i dig them up. part of what i'm doing outside of just photo diarying is shard hunting, and BOY is there a lot the game likes to hide in those little shards for idiots like me who like to read so we can write unnecessarily accurate fanfiction! 

full disclosure, i know jack shit about the TTRPG/cyberpunk 2020 rulebook except what i read in the wikis. 

so here’s my lore roundup so far of everything i know about johnny joining the nomads

we know johnny likes to narrate v’s quest objectives. here’s the first mention where he says it himself: 

during the voodoo boys quest "transmission" there's a shard in the maglev tunnels beside the ice bath, presumably from brigitte's research into johnny in the first place:

okay, so the timeline is this: johnny joins the nomads after trying and failing to rescue alt. johnny hides out in the badlands for some years. then he and rogue come back to night city and nuke arasaka tower help alt escape the arasaka subnet by uploading liberator to their network once and for all.

this ultimately makes sense. in alt’s flashback, we meet santiago, who is a nomad/connected to nomads, joins rogue and johnny when they're trying to get alt back, and eventually becomes the leader of the aldecaldos. 

part of santiago’s TTRPG lore is that he, johnny, and rogue have to lay low in the badlands with nomads after they storm arasaka headquarters (i am aware the game takes many liberties with the original lore so who knows the full accuracy of anything from the original rulebooks)

ENDING spoilers: in the rogue+johnny storming AHQ ending, it's revealed that rogue has a son while they're prepping for the job. if you eavesdrop on her calling him while you're at the afterlife, you hear her tell her son to (paraphrasing here) "pull over and look at the stars", which immediately made my brain go to: nomad, badlands, santiago = dad? maybe. (santiago also canonically has a son according to the TTRPG lore)

this immediately reminded me of another interesting shard that i believe you can find in multiple locations around night city: “"what REALLY happened in arasaka tower?“

i love this dang shard. at first i thought it was just a cute conspiracy with some juicy gossip (and i love how 99% of the shards that mention johnny in this game are reminding us that he's not a real rebel, he's a poser) but it brings some interesting shit together

one: it tells us where johnny got his hands on the nukes! he and the nomads jumped a militech convoy and jacked some bombs! 

which is never directly explained, even as saburo arasaka is interrogating him shortly before using soulkiller. very nice of johnny to protect his homies like that. 

...or maybe he didn’t. saburo emphasizes that the dead don’t lie like the living do, and we don’t know what exactly arasaka did to johnny’s construct in mikoshi. 

it also explains why the obvious media narrative is that militech nuked arasaka, a nice neat political bow to the end of the fourth corpo wars, which is an entire section of the TTRPG lore that makes my eyes cross when i read it. 

it also makes the star/nomads ending extremely interesting, because i originally believed it was the ending where V’s journey deviates the most from rewalking johnny’s path... which also has weird implications if the johnny’s nomad era is being kept from v. 

(this also leads into my belief that the star ending/the devil ending are narratively two sides of the same coin, but that’s a WHOLE ANOTHER POST for another day.)

TWO, just straight up the fact that they turned the raid where they actually obtained the nukes into an action flick BD that pretty much ANYONE could watch. who the hell was doing that?? 

well, who else other than the guy who johnny (optionally) punched the shit out of for filming alt's death: thompson, media guy, and according to rogue, “bad luck”. because you know, recording your crimes is straight up evidence that can be used against you.

during the alt flashback we meet thompson, and just after that in cyberspace before meeting alt, johnny tells v that he has no idea what happened to him and that they never worked together again. 

oh, johnny, you lying bastard man

this is blatantly untrue, and if V even had two braincells and better memory than a goldfish they'd know this--in the first flashback sequence where johnny and rogue nuke arasaka tower, thompson is on the comms as they ride the AV towards AHQ, questioning their plans and use of violence. 

which leaves me with some questions, like where the fuck is thompson, why does johnny keep lying about this, why doesn't johnny say almost anything about how you interact with the aldecaldo clan nonstop throughout the game when he himself may have been a member of the family for some time?? is he continuing to protect the nomad clan that saved his ass? we know that a lot of his flashbacks are unreliable at best, that johnny changes shit up as desired when presenting V with his memories.

in 2077, you can also find that there’s a remake of “badlands raid” in the shard “new release braindances” that is pretty much everywhere. that shard doesn’t add much, but does mention something along the lines of “many people don’t know the ending of the original” which probably means johnny punched thompson out for filming again, or something. 

my running theories: rogue ditched santiago and the aldecaldos with johnny and thompson to nuke arasaka tower, and when johnny died she was stuck looking for (heavily implied by johnny here:) corpo sellout ways to survive.

adam smasher obviously has something to do with this since johnny/rogue's vendetta against the guy isn't entirely clear beyond the smokescreen of "he killed johnny and he sucks". i have done 0 research into this though i'm tired of typing okay

i obviously cannot be certain i have found everything related to this in the game as i’m not even done with this playthrough where i’m trying to pay attention, but i hope this is fun for someone else to dig into. 

enjoy, fellow silverhand freaks

EDIT: additional findings

ALRIGHT I HAVE DONE MORE DIGGING AND I AM BACK WITH MORE NOMAD/JOHNNY FINDINGS. these ones are kind of a bummer but VERY interesting.

there’s a shard called “excerpts from a history of the nomads by bb pires” that goes into detail about how nomads came to be

there’s an interesting quote in it: It's hard to imagine a group less inclined to wandering than farmers, but in fact they were the ones who sparked the age of nomads. Natural catastrophes, crops ravaged by bioplagues, armed conflicts and martial law allowing corporations to speculate and privatize land - all this forced them into a life on the road.

when you ask johnny why he wants to take down arasaka, he begins by referencing this himself!!

it’s a little awkward to imagine a nomad V doesn’t also know what he’s referencing, but hey, V is the fool because we are as players and that’s only one life path... so sure.

johnny also has unique dialogue during this scene about a nomad origin V, telling them that he’s been trying to understand how V thinks, and came to the conclusion that “their family was a crutch” and essentially made them stupid because they always had a safety net (lmao johnny calling v privileged basically)

BUT this also may reference why johnny would find it confusing as hell that V doesn’t immediately share the views he does when nomads, in terms of values, seem to be more aligned with johnny than V is. but once again V is the fool for a reason and this is all my own speculation so YOU KNOW.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, at the end of chippin’ in, when you ask johnny what he meant by letting down his friends... santiago is named directly

i thought this was interesting since the only glimpse of their relationship that we get is seeing johnny meeting santiago via the alt flashback for the first time.

so now it’s obvious that while johnny and rogue were with the nomads their friendship developed, and johnny went on to disappoint santiago in some way by being his normal dickhead self

but HOW? how did he disappoint santiago? is santiago even still alive?? did smasher kill santiago and is this why rogue mentions during chippin’ in that she wants smasher to “settle a score” moreso than avenge johnny??

the only additional hints i have are from this shard, which you can find at the aldecaldos camp: “nomads at ground zero”

i’m just gonna transcribe here and bold for emphasis:

It was no secret that Night Corp offered generous pay and, in some cases, free cyberware and biomonitor upgrades to anyone willing to help clean up the crater of radioactive rubble at AHQ ground zero. Some firsthand accounts recall the incessant ticking of Geiger counters, like the loud buzz of cicadas in summer. In retrospect, we can only guess how many "crater cleaners" lost their lives to radiation sickness shortly thereafter. Both the city government and Night Corp have claimed casualties were kept to a minimum, while providing no official statistics to substantiate the claim. That being said, they have never been under pressure to release such figures. After all, most rescue, engineering, and rubble cleanup teams were not local Night Citizens, but nomads. Surprised you didn't know? Don't be. It is a fact many history courses tend to overlook. The city employed hundreds of nomad mercenaries, primarily from clans in Aldecaldo nation. These nomads were hungry for gainful work and the city needed experts who were not only experienced but brave enough to knowingly put their lives on the line - all so Arasaka could one day erect another tower in its place. But history is not without its sense of irony. These nomads, who so deliberately live outside our so-called "system," came to its very rescue. Not for the first time. And not for the last.

a main theme we find in this game is the idea that the system of corps and exploitation cannot be stopped by grandiose rebellious gestures--no amount of samurai songs, assassinating mayors, or even planting nukes in towers will change things. yet johnny, his friends and mercs at atlantis in the 2020s, including rogue, chose to rebel any way they could, thinking it better than not. johnny criticizes her lack of rebellious spirit CONSTANTLY in 2077.

but ultimately, johnny, trapped in mikoshi, didn’t get to see the outcome of what detonating the AHQ nukes did to night city’s fragile ecosystem. rogue, however, did--and likely watched their former allies, the aldecaldos, be forced to take dangerous work at AHQ’s ground zero (from lack of other opportunities as detailed in this shard), then die from radiation sickness throughout the following decades, all as a result of what she and johnny did to try and fight the system. and she also watched all the former mercenaries of atlantis be hunted down by arasaka.

so rogue sees firsthand what the cost of rebellion is and johnny doesn’t. and nomads, considered the most free of any of the factions we encounter in the game, are the cost.

[brownandblackpearls]

📜 🖋 𝒞ourting with 𝒟r. 𝒟evorak (Julian x BlackReader) Pt.2

PART 2 SUMMARY:

You are a reputable, young beauty of means in Vesuvia, enjoying the winter courting season. An odd letter from an odd doctor finds its way to your door. You are on the first segment of your first date, attending a medical convention in Vesuvia.

─── Julian x black female reader

─── imagery + fiction

─── explicit smut

─── regency/historical/fantasy, courtship rituals, wealthy! MC, love letters, drama, handsome redheads

☾ previous. ☾ next

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:・゜゜・．✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:・゜゜・．✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *

Sitting across from Julian in this grand carriage is a fascinating journey all on its own.

The doctor is an eccentric one, telling you tales of wild cases, interesting cure possibilities, and lesser known homeopathic solutions to common Vesuvian ailments.

His sheer passion is more than enough to hold your interest, and hearing his innermost thoughts on his work is enough to spread the contagion of enthusiasm for this medical convention you were arriving upon. You were admittedly squeamish when it came to gore, but you did find an interest in the workings of the body, and more than that, you found an interest in him.

Unfortunately...you weren’t the biggest fan of leeches. When you let him know honestly, he couldn’t hide his disappointment.

“I apologize,” Julian says to you honestly, looking sheepish. “I should’ve realized.”

You shake your head, smiling.

“It’s quite alright. Your line of work is very different from what I know. I simply manage my estate and related businesses, but you...? You help the people of this city. If you say leeches are a helpful medicine for people in need, then I’ll believe you and do my best to rid my trepidation. At least, for this evening.”

Julian stares at you for a long moment before suddenly reaching across the space between you for your delicately-gloved hand and kissing it soundly, intimately. His eyes focus on you through dark lashes before he lowers his gaze as well as your hand.

He clears his throat, sitting back stiffly.

“I…that was forward of me. I must beg your forgiveness.”

“Yes,” you agree in jest. You found nothing wrong with the act, regarding it as more endearing than anything. Clearly, the doctor liked the fact that you were happy to try and see the value in the world he clearly loved so much. “You’re forgiven.”

Julian seems to deflate at your words instead of soothe, wrangling his fingers together anxiously. He forces a laugh and nods, looking out the window. Had he missed your humorous tone...?

You don’t like him looking dissatisfied. You like him looking away from you with that wary expression even less.

With a slow, confident reach across the space, you use your own hands to gently cup his anxious one. Raising it between you both, you pinch the fingertip of his thick, leather glove before slowly lifting it off to unveil his hand of its leather casing. It is easy to pull his large hand towards you and observe the white, open palm.

His hand is large, long, and elegant for a doctor’s, yet clearly worn in certain places from fervent use. He must help so many, with these hands. Your mind drifts to other possibilities that those long fingers may be capable of, but you settle yourself quickly.

No need to rush. Not in courtship.

Instead, you use the subtle imaginings to move your lips, pouting and pressing them long and gentle against the palm of his hand. You linger there, flicking your gaze up and watching him freeze through the gaps of his fingers, before pulling away with a sweet release. Your eyes flick down to the lipstick-stained kiss mark left on his hand.

Your mark. 

Smiling with satisfaction, you gently tug his glove back on and pat his hand before releasing him.

“That was also forward of me,” you say casually enough. “Am I forgiven…?”

Julian fumbles, a hot blush crawling up his cheeks. 

“Y-yes,” he barely breathes, leaning towards the window once more. You settle with the thought that it is for some air, likely...instead of apprehension.

You feel your own face heat from the thrill of the forbidden, enjoying the slight cover that your dark, warm skin gives you. It would take more exertion than thrill or embarrassment to reveal you. The act of kissing his hand had been deviant, but delicious, and you thoroughly enjoyed teasing the doctor. He probably had expected no mischief from a respectable, established woman such as yourself. He may have even thought he had to hold himself in a certain manner to gain your favor.

Little did he know, he already had it. You wanted him, and you wanted him to understand you better, as well as lower his guard around you. You were certainly high in the Vesuvian aristocracy circles, but you were human just as anyone else, and you could make the same mistakes...the same missteps...as anyone else.

Your idea seemed to work well enough. Mr. Devorak no longer seemed to be upset, or appeared as if he felt alone in his forwardness.

Now, he seemed bewildered, if not highly intrigued.

You were pleased to think that later on, when you were no longer together, that Dr. Devorak would still have your mark on him after the day was done. A pretty reminder.

But no more of that. The day was just beginning.

“Ah, there it is!” He exclaimed, beckoning you to the window. “That’s the hall the gala will be held in!”

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:・゜゜・．✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *

Though you were never one to feel overdressed at any occasion, you could certainly feel the eyes draw onto you as Dr. Devorak escorted you towards the large building.

Leaving the warm space of the carriage allowed you a reason to stay close with him in the crowds. His offered arm is strong and warm, but you keep your admiration to yourself for the moment. You take it as if its second nature, letting him lead you both towards the great hall in an easy step.

Your eyes span the people crowding near the entrance way, and you realize there are several other young beauties here with courting partners as well. Perhaps this event was more popular for Vesuvians than you once believed? You were curious to find out about the draws of this event that you had been unaware of prior.

The doctor flags down one of the door staff, smiling. The doorman spots him and grins back, calling out his name.

“Dr. Devorak! Welcome, welcome. You’re on the list of course, so you can come right in. Here’s your pin.”

Your date smiles, allowing the man to pin a medical emblem on his lapel. You realize it is likely a determiner for others in the event to understand who he is, and know that he is also a medical professional participating, not just a socialite.

“My lady,” the doorman greets, bowing to you kindly before stepping back. You don’t miss the sly wink he shoots to the doctor, who funnily pretends as if he did.

You greet the man back pleasantly before allowing Julian to lead you both into the event, past the crowds.

“Oh!” You gasp aloud, seeing the dioramas inside.

There were huge displays of freeze-dried human musculature, stuck in stasis while posing as if they were alive. Some were running, others jumping, and some standing. You mistakenly thought before that such sights might be grotesque, but the preparers did such a good job in making all the displays neat, clean, and scentless, you couldn’t help but feel only fascination.

Other tables were covered in medical tools, some from ancient Vesuvian history, and others from the current times. You could spy syringes, hacksaws, casts, all kinds of tools and oddities. Another table held medicines, their respective bottled forms, only for the bottles and pills to be under-laid by the real ingredients that went in them. One bowl of tablets showed huge ferns beneath them, and you wondered to yourself how pharmacists and herbalists could ever mash up such large plants to fit into such tiny capsules.

You didn’t realize you’d forgotten to interact with your date since entering the hall until Dr. Devorak pulled up beside you, smiling as you gawked at everything.

“Fascinating, isn’t it?”

You startle a little, turning to him with wide eyes. A smile comes to your face.

“Yes! Very!”

You point out the bottles to him, revealing the question that had run through your mind.

The doctor seemed highly pleased to hear of your interest, and even moreso to engage in it.

“Well, you see,” he began, “though some professionals settle for the old mortar and pestle, there are new devices made just in the last year to assist with the refining process! In my offices, we’ve also experimented with rollers, stones, pressers, as well as the normal affects.”

“Like what?” You wonder, leaning in.

“Oh…” He pauses, unsure of himself now. “I, erh...I wouldn’t want to bore you. Are you in need of refreshments? I can—“

“You’re very kind,” you insist, trying to redirect back to your question. He’s gotten you interested and now you want to know! “What affects did you mean? From before?”

He pauses, analyzing you for a moment before breaking into a somewhat fond grin.

“Well...things like heat or chill can help separate what we need from the ingredients used. Though I had to study all arenas of medicine and practice in my youth, I focus more on diagnosis, prescription, and research these days. I used to do surgery and medicinal preparations but with the recent expanding we’ve undergone, I’ve been sidetracked with indulging in more hypotheticals and innovation than tried-and-true practice. So, I’m very excited to see what my colleagues have come up with!”

You smile, watching him speak and taking in his words. He seems so bright, so glad and inspired.

“I am happy to hear your expansions allow you the pursuits you desire. It must have been difficult.”

The doctor laughs then, and it is a warm, rich thing.

“I am only lucky. I’ve come a long way, from dingy old ships to grand palaces. Compared to all that, starting my practice and training younger medical professionals was easy.”

You could’ve kept walking beside him, conversing easily...but suddenly, a group of older doctors crowd you both, eyeballing your date.

“Devorak!” One crows. “We’ve been looking for you! Grimmes delivered the best speech on those new splints you both collaborated on, I wanted to congratulate you.”

“Why, thank you!” Julian says happily, shaking hands. “Grimmes did more of the work, she’s a natural.”

He seems to be in his element, amongst all the chatting doctors. Another one steps forward, completely bypassing you and fixated on Julian. You felt like a fly on the wall, drinking up all the curious interactions. This conversation was a world away from politics, estate dealings, and nobility gossip.

“Did you see Asif’s chiropractor module? It was quite horrific.”

“Really...?” Julian wonders. “I thought he sorted out the vertebrae counts for the model?”

“So did we! However the model looked rather poor. Shoulders up to here!” The doctor explains, displaying what he saw by shifting his shoulders as far up as his body could manage. 

“Goodness…” Julian worried. “Was his gait irregular?”

“Irregular? Why, it looked like he’d been hung up on a coat rack Devorak, starched to high hell, and left to waddle out the practitioner’s office. There’ll be hell to pay, that one.”

Julian shakes his head, sighing. 

“I can refer the poor man to the southern branch if I see him. The one on Marigold? God knows the trainees could use the practice. Perhaps we can fix it.”

The doctors nodded their assent and boasted of Julian’s generosity, before finally glancing at you. They all seemed somewhat shocked out of their reverie, glancing between the two of you with increasing disbelief.

“Hello,” you greet, ringing off your name politely. 

The doctors bow politely, before looking to Julian. An older one shoots him a wide grin.

“Don’t you worry about any referencing, Devorak. We’ll let him know, ourselves. You just focus on your engagement with the lovely young woman you’ve caught here.”

“Right,” another one agrees quickly. “Been holding out on us, haven’t you? Who are we to interrupt a courting? Enjoy! Ladies, gentlemen, to the tinctures tables!”

The others agree, bumbling off in their crowd to find more of the convention to see. 

You watch them go before turning to Julian.

“How many practices do you possess?” You inquire. You are genuinely curious, but there is an underlying meaning to your question.

As much as you adore the doctor, these courting dates are very necessary to glean information from potential partners. Julian clearly held standing amongst the other doctors, and was regarded with much respect. You didn’t doubt his ambition or success. But...since he held no large property or titles, so you needed to see how he could help benefit your estate and those that lived and worked in your home. You also needed to ensure that he held few vices or flaws that would conflict with your own…it was a superficial process that could not be completed in one engagement, and you didn’t particularly enjoy seizing people up like items on displays, but…it was better to do it now while you could rather than risk hearts, coin purses, and marriages down the line.

Besides, you expected the same from Julian, to interrogate you on your end in his own way. You weren’t the only one with assets to think of, and liabilities to consider! And only a fool would assume a wealthy beauty is all they needed in a match.

You felt Devorak could be silly in his own odd little way...but he didn’t strike you as a fool.

‘Hmm. Marriage.’

You watch the doctor, your heart thrumming a little faster at the thought.

‘One thing at a time,’ you remind yourself. ‘I don’t know if I’m even ready for the convention with anyone, him included. Slow and steady wins the race.’

Dr. Devorak stands a little taller, pushing his shoulders back and preparing a bolder facade than you believed he actually felt. He seemed to understand what time this was, what the question really meant, and was eager to please with honesty and transparency.

He wanted to prove himself to you, you realize.

“I am but a humble man,” he begins. “I own one practice, with several branches throughout Vesuvia. It has grown to the point where I now simply stop by each one weekly, and oversee the operations. I have three locations in the city’s center, and five in the outer regions. Those locations range from general practices to apothecaries.”

You nod, highly impressed.

“Eight branches is hardly humble, Julian. It sounds very admirable.”

The doctor blushes, pulling at his collar and pretending nonchalance.

“Eh…well...”

“You must be quite good at what you do.”

“Well...It was not without considerable help, I cannot lie. In the beginning, I had a generous investor that believed in my vision and potential. That investor was the central Countess, and without her I doubt I could’ve gathered together the startup costs. But...I take pride in taking the best care of Vesuvians that I can. And so word spread, and now they come to us for all sorts of ailments and needs. We’ve fairly profitable year after year since. I..I could make more, raise prices, yes, but...I always wanted affordability to be important. Everyone in Vesuvia deserves access to quality healthcare.”

“That’s amazing,” you say. “Not many businessmen in Vesuvia are transparent about their journeys, and not many can honestly say they value ethics.”

You briefly review his words to yourself.

He was hinting near the end that though he had his personal reasons for not breaking his profits ceiling in a way that would truly impress a run-of-the-mill blue-blood, that neither he nor his businesses would be a liability to your estate.

There was another implication in his words that you couldn’t help but notice.

“You know Nadia…?” You ask suddenly.

“Yes! Do you…?” He inquires back, curious.

“Ah...yes,” you respond kindly, tightening your lips on why. You didn’t want to appear rude mentioning your other current courting potentials. Ritually, that was only to be used in situations of dire need for leverage. It was one thing to review each others ways of living and financials, whereas it was quite another to throw into the face of hopefuls…all the other hopefuls…unless asked, of course.

Julian seemed to catch on. He did not seem upset, though.

“Hm,” he wonders quietly. “...I am not surprised that you are getting house calls from all walks of Vesuvia.”

You pause, unsure of what to say. Had you offended him?

“I…”

The doctor is kind, and fills in the empty silence with warmth.

“I am just glad that you answered my letter, that I get to have you for myself today. I am happy that you like the gala and…I only anticipate enjoying the rest of our time together.”

You beam at him, tugging his arm closer to your body.

“I feel the same, Julian.”

He pulls you tighter as well, circling you both around the event to watch more displays and pass by speakers who were taking charge in different corners of the venue. You overhear some very interesting ideas and concepts, and Julian leans over every so now and then to comment on them in your ear.

Soon enough, Julian offers to take you for a break near the venue’s indoor patisserie. You agree joyfully, all too eager to spy the cute little confectionery cakes and pastries as the both of you walk up near the outdoor seating.

Julian hunts down a seat for you both amidst all the other couples, some wedded, some courting, and some just having a casual meetup.

He pulls out your seat gingerly for you, and you sit graciously. He takes his own seat as a waiter arrives, bringing you both a drink and dessert menu. Together, you and Julian order coffees and a cake to share before sitting back, watching one another.

‘Wait,” you think.

You realize very suddenly that the doctor is being too gracious in not asking on your situation in return, and so you decide to open the floor up to him so there is no risk of offending. Perhaps he is nervous because of your status...? Perhaps those things matter so little to him, that he is willing to break courtship convention to avoid asking after them...? Perhaps he is simply forgetful...?

“Is there anything you’d like to know about my estate or my courting season, Julian?”

He pauses, thinking to himself for a stretch.

“Well…I must admit, I know little about you besides what I saw from the theater and what I’ve heard from the grapevine. I’m not fond of gossip and would rather hear it from you, but...I knew so few in your circle...I know nothing, really. Besides your distaste for leeches of course, and your penchant for…” he coughs, adjusting, “….for...adventure.”

You giggle, covering your mouth before leaning in.

“You find me adventurous? Some would say I am just an aristocrat, perfectly happy to hole up in my estate with no influence on the outside world. Not like you. You do so much good.”

He shakes his head, frowning.

“Don’t discount yourself for me. I…I do know of your philanthropy around Vesuvia. Generous donations for the citizens, for the disenfranchised. That is good in its own way. And class is no barrier to who possesses the heart of an adventurer and who doesn’t. You proved it today.”

“How?”

Julian laughs.

“Like you know few honest businessmen, I know few women of your stature who would eagerly come here for a first engagement. Especially after my confidant revealed that I had sent an inquiry letter in a poor manner, to a poorly-picked event. You came—and even better—you enjoyed yourself.”

You gift him a wink.

“I think I may enjoy myself wherever I go, with you at my side, Doctor.”

There goes his flush again, as clear as a bounty of roses! You love the way it matches his hair. He hides his face behind a gloved hand, sinking into his seat as you laugh generously.

“You’ll be the death of me,” he insists, “with your teasing.”

You fake a pout, looking at him innocently.

“I am no tease, sir.”

“Right,” he says simply, smiling. “And I am no doctor.”

You laugh once again, batting at him lightly with a gloved hand before sitting straighter.

“Enough about that,” you say, “I should inform you of my situation, just as you informed me of yours. I would be very rude not to.”

Julian stiffens, sitting straighter as well.

“You don’t have to—“

“Oh but I do,” you insist. “You are too kind and too subtle to ask on such things as blatantly as my aristocrat self can, but the courting traditions demand it. You shall peruse my purse and pursuants as I have yours. There will be no barriers here.”

You clear your throat, and Julian waits patiently.

“I possess the estate of ———, as you already know. I am —— years old, with a long lineage. Most of my family has moved away outside of Vesuvia to our ancestral nation of origins, but I am a Vesuvian-born and Vesuvian at heart, so I chose to stay and take over the household. Like any baron or baroness, I oversee properties, farms, accounts, and merchandise. My estate largely relies on profits from renters on our land, but I began a perfumery and garden a few years ago. Using the florals from the garden, the business has become a success and sells in local tailor shops. So we bring profit in on that end as well, my endeavor alone, since the family that left have their own means in the ancestral country.”

Julian nods, interested.

“A perfumery...?”

“Yes,” you answer, happy. “I really enjoy it. With scents, I can create candles as well. I would love to show you sometime, if you’d like.”

Julian perks up more from the sound of that, than your financials.

“There will be a next time…?” He wonders aloud.

“If you will have me.”

Julian beams then, wider than you’ve seen all day. He nods and sips at his coffee happily, taking the olive branch and leaving so much unsaid. There was no need to.

You both seemed to be on the same page.

“Scents are interesting,” he says suddenly. “It is considered flimsy medicine, but I’ve often thought of aromatherapy. I wonder if it could help patients with mood difficulties…?”

Your eyes widen at the thought. 

“It’s certainly worth a try. I can spare some scents for your practice when you visit me.”

Julian seems awed, amazed at the opportunity and you giving it.

“Are you real...?” He asks suddenly. “Am I dreaming?”

“No,” you laugh. “I am quite real. Do you need a pinch to prove it?”

Julian makes a very odd face at that, straightening up and moving swiftly past the question, diving into how delicious the cake is.

You watch, noticing. You could only wonder what it was that set him off.

“I will not pinch you…” You explain, hoping to ease him.

“Ah!” He shakes his head, trying to wave off your worry. “It’s not that. You’re fine. You can, uh…I want it- wait, no, that’s…never mind! You’re real, that much is certain.”

You watch him flail before shrugging internally and refocusing on the cake. You mentally file the ‘pinching’ reaction away for later thought.

“Is it good?” You ask.

Julian nods eagerly, forking off a piece and raising it to you. You see he is angling the fork for you to grasp yourself, but you decide to forego that idea.

What’s life without a little pleasure?

Sure that no one is watching either of you, you lean forward and eat the cake off of his offered fork, skillfully sucking the remnants off entirely. You look demurely away from him, but you know you’ve hit your mark when you hear him squawk. You chew, assessing, before glancing over to him feeling pleased.

“This is very, very good,” you agree. 

Julian looks a little pained, watching you with wanton desire and intrigue.

You gently take the fork from his fingers and cut him a piece, offering it up to him kindly.

“Say ‘ah‘, for me,” you request pleasantly enough, yet you know that your gaze you’re pinning him with is a little less collected than your tone.

Slowly understanding, the doctor leans forward and takes the offering with his own mouth, too flushed to look at you directly. You’re thrilled to see him clear the fork in the same manner before he pulls back, focusing less on the cake he just ate and more on how you’re making him feel.

“Does it taste better, now?” You wonder aloud.

“Yes,” he nearly whispers. “Much better.”

You smile demurely, supporting your face on a relaxed hand.

“That, dear doctor,” you say, “is a tease.”

“I…I’ll remember that,” he says quietly, shifting under your gaze.

You’re sure that he will.

“You don’t have to,” you insist. “I can always help you, if you forget.” The promise sounds very sweet from your lips.

“Uh…Ah!” Julian pretends suddenly, checking his watch with faux vigor. “Wouldyoulookatthat, the theater! We’d best be on our way, we have box seats, you know.”

You giggle and he mirrors your humored grin, laughing himself.

“Of course, Julian.”

He assists you up before grabbing his cane and coat. Together with your funny doctor date, you are led out of the venue and into the afternoon of the day.

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:・゜゜・．✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *

AN: Do not copy, repost, translate, or edit any of my work. If you see someone do so, please let me know.

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[atomicblasphemy]

I was bored and decided to speculate on the upcoming Owl House episodes

Buckle up, this got way longer than anticipated.

Often I tend to have as much or even more fun with TOH’s b plots as with the main ones, and seeing the memes the fandom I guess that’s kind of a normal feeling. But this last episode didn’t really have one and I’m pretty glad it didn’t.

Here’s how I’ve been thinking of the show, specially when it comes to episode structure. Pretty much in the first few scenes they will go like “hey, here’s an idea.” Then they go on the rest of the episode showing why that is not such a good idea. Case in point, Understanding Willow’s “out of sight, out of mind” only for the episode turn out as an argument for therapy, or that grom episode with Luz unable to answer her mom’s messages only to do so by the end of the episode (even though that is not a full solution, but still, she’s the main character and that looks like it will a main source of conflict until the show’s end... probably). On today’s episode I feel like it came out in two ways: from Luz perspective it came in the form of her indulging King’s narrative and self-image; on his case, well, it pretty much boils down to that whole identity crisis thing.

In other words, although in a certain way there are two big stories being told they both are a part of the same plot line. Moreover, King is a part of the show’s main trio.

Now, this may just be my own perception, but I feel like the last five or so episodes were kind of meant to be some turning point for specific characters, in this sequence: King, Willow, Luz, Amity, Eda, Lilith. Those episodes seem, again, at least to me, to mark some form of shift in the characters story. For Lilith it was her betraying the Emperor, for Eda it was learning who cursed her and her imprisonment for Luz’s sake in a way (learning she grew to care for Luz over her own well-being), for Amity it was her taking a first tangible step towards getting out from her parent’s dominion (which culminates in the events of EE) and becoming her own person, for Luz it was confronting the fact her biggest fear is somewhat related to guilty about how she left her world and her mom and finding in herself (and the friends she made in the Isles) the fortitude to actually confront all that, for Willow it was what I said before (which, btw, ends her whole arc that started on the conjuring episode, the whole thing about her and Amity’s friendship). The only one of those I can’t really see clearly what the episode’s point really was is King’s Really Small Problems.

Again, going on a bit of subjectivity here but I feel like that episode was kind of the show’s lowest point so far. First of, there’s the fact that Willow, Gus, and especially Luz don’t apologize to King because, I mean, they were pretty much about as guilty for everything that happened as him. They did either hijack or forget his day with Luz, so you know... Buuut, still, if I were to hazard a guess as to what the point on that episode I’d say it circles around the line “The King of Demons misses nobody.” early in the episode being contrasted by “Demons do crazy things when they’ve been missing someone.” In other words, the point of the episode, to my best guess would be him starting to deal with a shifting sense of identity.

So, this brings us to the current season. If I’m right in my understanding of Really Small Problems, then that’d mean that Echoes of the Past is picking up on that episode’s thread. Likewise, the same can be said about Escaping Expulsion. And in a sense, both King and Amity’s (moreso in Amity’s case, admittedly) arc seem to have in a way concluded with those two episodes. Moreover, going by the episode’s synopsis the next upcoming episodes seem to also doing something similar: either picking up a previous storyline and finishing it, or starting new ones. Separate Tides would be a bit of an exception, since it was the premiere and had to reacquaint the audience with the world and characters, but even then I feel it sets up a potential point of conflict for Luz in the form of her guilt over Eda’s loss of magic.

Then, again, going off a limb here, but I’d guess that, from episodes 2 to 8 the main objects will be, in this order, Amity, King, Lilith (going by the trailer implying we’ll see her beast form), Gus (who thus far didn’t really have a longer story arc beyond The First Day), Luz, Eda (which, given how it introduces a new character from her past I’d imagine it would mark the beginning of a new arc for her). But I feel bored so I want to elaborate a bit further.

Episode 4: Lilith, maybe (this part is pretty esoteric, to be honest), possibly, starts to come to grips with the consequences of sharing the curse while, due to mamma Clawthorne’s visit, seeing their past in a more nuanced fashion. I mean, Mamma Clawthorne is in the beast keeping coven, her presence while her first born daughter literally turns into a best could make for some interesting potential stories. Anyhow, I think some other interesting thing will have to do with Eda. As I said I can’t really see an arc or something along those lines happening with her as of right now. Now, bare with me while I go on a bit of a tangent. So, in Understanding Willow Willow herself is the object of the story, however in that episode we also get to see the cause of them falling apart was Odalia and Alador threatening Amity indirectly. By doing that the upcoming conflict regarding her gets established. Then next, at the Grom episode, we as the audience learn that Amity is at least attracted to Luz. There’s no point on getting too deep into this beyond this: her crush on Luz works as a strong reason, from her perspective, to stand up to her parents. Then at the Grudgby episode we see her taking active steps towards getting more agency in her life from them when she chooses to play against two people her parents sanctioned as suitable companions. Eventually this would culminate in the EE episode as I already talked at length about. The reason I’m bringing all of this up is because I get the feeling Eda’s upcoming story will follow some similar lines, whatever happens here (and will either be developed or solved on episode 7) will be set up at this episode.

Episode 5: As I said, I don’t really see clearly what Gus’ main conflict is, and I would imagine that this episode will either make that more evident or outright introduce it, so I don’t feel I’m in the position to speculate the specifics. However, we do know that the B plot is Lumity and I’ll need to dwell on this one a bit longer. After season one, I had this guess that this ship would become cannon somewhere between episode 3 at the earliest and 7 at the lastest. The reason I thought so, and I still think there’s no solid reason to reject this hypothesis, was that after WiLW the only thing standing in the way from Amity coming clean about her feelings was probably her relationship with her parents. UW set that up, WiLW took a first step in that direction, EE went through with it. Moreover, I thought that’d be in line with what we had shown of the show’s pacing up until that point. So, basically the situation I see here goes along the lines of setting up a new source of conflict for Amity (in the form of Luz eventually leaving the Isles), and for Luz in the form of (if my guess of Lumity becoming cannon in this specific episode is correct) the start of a new relationship, something she never experienced before, which would make her question whether or not she actually wants to go back to the human realm, or at the very least muddy the water a tad. However, I am not so dead certain they’ll become cannon (and, btw, by cannon I mean simply an unequivocal sign that their relationship changed, however the showrunners decide that should look like.) Moreover, that only gets accentuated if the thing she’s helping Luz with is a portal. In other words, my “prediction” that it’d become cannon around this time was mostly due to me feeling that turning them into a will they won’t they at this point would be tantamount to the show chasing its own tail, but that’d feel uncharacteristic of the show, in light of the first season. That being said, if I’m right about there being this upcoming conflict about Luz having to decide between the Isles and the human realm (which may or may not keep on developing until the shows finale, but I digress), then it wouldn’t necessarily be a problem. If handled well her being uncertain as to whether or not to take the leap with Amity could potentially be an interesting way convey her internal conflict. Still, I think that having those two be together would be more effective in give her one more strong argument in favor of staying in the Isles. Besides, there’s my thoughts about the following episode which would make the will they won’t they approach redundant. Also, the fact Amity is the one

Episode 6: Pretty much would pick up on the place it left Luz in the previous episode, again, if and only if my speculations so far are right. Two things the synopsis doesn’t really make clear: why Luz is having problem hunting a palisman; and who the foe in question is. Now, I know we see her carrying Golden Boi’s staff. I’m choosing to ignore this for now because I would actually have Boscha (who we see in one of the teasers), and who would kind of go along with some hints at her redemption like that “you’re a really good friend...” line. Besides, if this palisman thing is a part of Hexside’s curriculum it would make sense that she’d be in the same situation as Luz. Not to mention that Golden Boi helping her gain access to a weapon she can and most likely will turn against him and his boss seems pretty odd. Ultimately, however, the identity of this foe is inconsequential. The main point of interest for me is the reason why she is having trouble finding herself a palisman. We don’t know the specifics of palisman adoption or creation, so I will try not to depend to much on it. But here’s the gist: getting a palisman as a commitment not only to the palisman itself but to the world. Whatever happens between her and Amity and going by the mad logic I’m using, her sense of belonging would probably be completely scrambled even before the episode starts. Being made to make a commitment like that in midst of an existential crisis of sorts as a means to create internal conflict in Luz, that’s what I’m trying to argue is the point of this episode. Also, before I move on to another thing I think is pretty important and I’ve decided to say it now because I don’t want to rework the structure of a rambling session that’s already way longer than I expected: we see Camilla in the trailer, I think this would be the best moment to put her. The reason for that is simple enough. In the A plot we see Luz trying to decide where she belongs to, and working towards becoming more and more part of the Isles figurative landscape; on the b plot however we would get to see in the form of Camilla that she still has a home in the human realm, that there’s still someone who loves her a lot and is doing everything within her power to get her back or at least to ensure she is safe and sound. Not to mention, it would be a great moment to bring up those letters we see at the end of the Grom episode, but I’ll get to that when I get to that.

Now, that important thing I wanted to talk about: the overall message of the show. I think I said this before but my favorite thing about Luz is the effect she has on the other character, essentially she is the catalyst to their growth. She is the one that ensured Willow would confront her past with Amity resulting in her getting rid of the hang ups that were holding her back allowing her to forge her own path. She is the reason why Amity chooses to stand up for herself. She is the reason why Lilith is capable of hope to rekindle her relationship with her sister thus empowering her to break away from the Emperor. She is the reason why Eda now has some reason to, as she put it herself, “stop wasting away her magic”, she gives her something to look forward to. Hell, even if we are just starting to see it, I’m positive we can make an argument that she’s why King became more open to the possibility he is not who he thought he was, making him see himself more as who he is to the people he cares about than a dethroned king of demons.

In a sense Luz seems to find all other characters in something of a stagnation point of their. A sort of fatalistic view of their own identities, be it in a more “ontological” sense, according to my interpretation, as in Lilith and Amity’s case, or as products of Lady Luck’s whims as for Willow and Eda. {Sidenote: For me at least Lumity’s mutual crush always made more sense on Amity’s end than on Luz’s and in a certain way it still does despite EE. Case in point, if I were to pin point the precise moment her feelings towards started shaping up in a way that makes infatuation possible it would that “I’m not a witch, but I’m working hard to become”. If what I’m saying is not absolute non-sense, then this would have been a “Holy shit. You can actually do that? You can actually have enough agency over your own life to that extent do something like that?”. I mean, their following interaction, at the library has her looking like “Ok, maybe I was just a wee bit of a needlessly belligerent dick just now” after she pushes Luz away from her offering to help when reading to kids.}

To put it succinctly: the message of the show is that your identity, who you are as a person, is not the product  of a pre-existent essence but of who you actively choose to be. That even if one is not capable of deciding their circumstances (like Willow, Eda, or Amity), that are the choices one makes as they go about living their lives that determine their identity. And by centering Luz’s core conflict now as where her belonging lies only for it to be solved at the show’s finale by having her, the main character, effectively having to make this choice, to realize she belongs to wherever she decides she belongs to would be a pretty poignant way to get this point across.

So yeah, if my guesses so far are right this may as well be one of the show’s most important episodes.

Anyway, back to my esoteric predictions about the upcoming episodes...

Episode 7: Eda and Rayne. Now, I don’t to sound like a party pooper or something, but we don’t really have a reason to predict those two having a romantic connection. There’s no reason to necessarily refuse this possibility a priori either though. I mean, the further I get into the future episode the less I have to work with in terms of speculation. We don’t really know where her story is heading, and I feel like I already covered it enough when I was talking about ep 4. But there are two things I want to point out. First, like Mama Clawthorne, Rayne is a figure from Eda’s past, so whatever conflict she may have to sort through from now on stems from her past. The specifics are up to anyone’s guess, so yeah, it is perfectly possible that those two were a couple or something along those lines at some point in the past. But other than that picture that shows that they were somewhat close, we really don’t have much to go by. Second thing, and this is not really all that important. If the foe from episode 6 is not Golden Boi, I think this will be the episode on which the two interact (again, that picture of Luz with his staff, we know they will get to interact at some point, and this seems to be the one episode out of all we have a synopsis for that depends the least on Luz for the main story).

Episode 8: Just imagine me blowing raspberries. I got nothing for this one, except that: a - I really hope Axel Rose does not get to be a guest voice acting role, same goes for Slash and that bassist I keep forgetting the name of; b - I hate this expression, but this really strike me as a “filler episode”, or a breather as I’ve seem someone put it. Still, as much as with anything else I could be wrong here.

But before I move on, there are three very important characters I haven’t talked about enough thus far at least in terms of speculation. Gus, Willow, and Bellos. So I’ll address the three of them just now. Bellos: he is the force that will ultimately make Luz confronting the question about where her belonging lies all but unavoidable; essentially - and I know I must sound like a broken record, but if and only if my take is right - his actions are not all that important to the story and its message because he is less of a character and more something akin to a force of nature. Gus: again, not so sure where his story will go or if he even has one in a more strict sense as the other characters. Frankly that’s one of the  aspects of the show I find the hardest to form an opinion on, unlike the others he sort of feels complete, that makes him pretty neat but also means that there’s less stuff you can do to him, less places you can take his character and develop it. That being said, I think he has a function in the show and he fulfills it pretty nicely. Besides, they can always just go and introduce new aspects to him we just can’t foresee as of now (which might as well happen in episode 5 for all we know). Either way, I have nothing but adoration for this precious boy. Now, Willow. As I mentioned, as far as I can tell her character got pretty much done with at Understand Willow. It was really weird for me when I watched that episode because it is until now my absolute favorite of the series (although Echoes fro the Past is putting up a pretty solid fight), the first thing I thought afterwards was “Idk how many seasons the show has left, but it feels a bit too soon for a defining moment like this and I don’t know what else they can do with her.” I mean, you could argue that the Grudgby episode seems to kinda sorta set up a conflict between her and Boscha, but that story seems to concern more Luz and Amity’s characters, especially the ladder. Willow and Boscha act more as a means to make Amity take that first step and for Luz to learn not to start a mosh pit in a Radiohead concert. That being said, I feel like she is now in a similar position to Gus’: either a new unforeseen source of conflict for her or they simply leave her to occupy a fixed role in the story. Personally, I’d much rather they introduce new stories and conflicts for them, not only that would help push for that overall message I was raving on about, but I also just wanna see more of them. I adore all characters in this show, I have fun with them and want to keep doing so until the show ultimately ends.

Almost done, I promise. Just a tad more of your patience, that’s all I’m asking. I will not revise or edit this so hopefully I’m still making a semblance of sense. I mean, if you’re reading this sentence then it probably means I am. Otherwise I can only ask you one thing: why?

Now, Eclipse Lake, or episode 9. As I said when talking about episode 7, we are now in too distant a territory for me to feel any confident as to my basis. Take all of this as more wishful thinking than anything else. So, you know, if you have a tin foil hat at hand now would be a good time to put it on.

Going by this episode’s synopsis as well as episode 5′s it makes it sound that Amity will become steadily a more central point to the whole portal conundrum. She is the one going on about it more than anyone else. There’s a first a fairly obvious reason why she put herself in that position: she has a gargantuan  crush on the girl and wants to spend as much time as physically possible with her. There’s also a secondary reason why she would want to do that, and for that I’d need to bring up those letters Camilla has or had been receiving.

Now, I’m aware I can’t really make an ironclad argument for her being the one writing them. However, it is more than a bit suspicious that those letters would be brought to attention immediately after we see a piece of writing that we know for a fact was written by her and seeing how closely those two handwrittings match. Not every piece of scenary put by an author necessarily be a Tchekov’s gun, but this one reaaally looks to be the case, still circumstantial evidence so tin foil hats or whatever. Moreover, as I on at length before, Amity’s story up to this point was that of someone learning to be her own person and aim for her own goals, in this sense I can see her decision for writing those letters as an early and not stellarly thought out way to do that even if well meaning. Like a poorly articulated if good intentioned act made by someone who doesn’t really understands why she’s doing what she’s doing, what it entails, or what the full length of the consequences could be. I mean, she is a kid after all, and she is bound to have a few hiccups along her way to self-discovery. Again, I’ll get to it when I get to it. Lastly, however, the second reason why she would have a reason to volunteer to help Luz with her portal situation: if she is the one sending those letters then she has access to some form of a portal herself, be it fully functioning like Eda’s or just capable to dispatch smaller objects that’s not really the point. The point is that, if all I’m saying is right she will be put in a very strange situation. If she is possession of a portal and is “helping” Luz find one, then she’d essentially be lying to her much like Luz herself is in a sense lying to Camilla. Moreover, she’d be at this point one of the characters with the largest amount of reasons to delay Luz’s return to the human realm as much as possible, meaning that the question she’ll have to answer would probably go along these lines: do I act in self-interest, lie or maybe even do some sabotage, and make sure I keep the person I’m growing to love next to me, ooooor do I act accordingly to this love and help her achieve her goal which could potentially mean I’ll never see her again?

Also, season one’s finale had an ambiguous title. Young Blood, Old Souls can just as easily be taken as referring to Eda as well as to Lilith, the two focal points of that episode’s conflict. Likewise here, “Yesterday’s Lies” could be taken as either a reference to Luz’s lies to Camilla, or these hypothetical lies Amity may be telling Luz. That means, in this hypothetical mid-season finale I’m conceiving here these two would be the focal points of conflict (maybe alongside Camilla).

In any case, a possible counter to everything I’m saying here is Dana stating that romance was not the show’s endgame, and that is not what I’m suggesting. I have more to speculate on Amity’s role, so going from that I can say that this would in a way be a continuation of what we saw in EE. Something like: Okay, so you want to become your own person, in order to do that I’ll have to make some tough decisions, here’s your first one. It’s like confronting this infant who just took its first steps with the knowledge she’s actually running a marathon.

Anyhow, I don’t really feel well equipped to speculate on how things would play out on Luz’s end so let’s shake things up a bit and try to see things from Camilla’s perspective before getting to the long awaited conclusion. And by long awaited I mean me, this was more tiring than I expected but what the hell, I’m almost done. I can see the finish line already, so yeah. 

So, Camilla. What we know given the trailer and the Grom episode is essentially this: she is most likely aware Luz never made to the Reality Check Camp in the first place, and that regardless of where she is there’s someone who (up until the Grom episode) was sending her these comforting messages. If and only if, all I’ve said is right then well have a line of communication between one of Luz’s big arguments for staying in the Isles and her biggest argument for coming back.

Hold on to your tin foil hats, y’all need it. Because my next point is: once Camilla finds out that the letters she’d been receiving up to that are more than a bit sketchy (her ooooohhhh face at the trailer could be that) and if she has some means of responding to them, which I mean... That’s the closest thing to a lead as to Luz’s whereabouts she has, she most likely would confront this hypothetical Amity if that’s the case. If the stars align just right there’s a pretty good chance Amity would give the broad strokes of Luz‘s situation in as much a cryptic fashion as she can, as well as start creating some form rappor with Camilla. Meaning that that choice she’d have to make as I mentioned before would get this extra layer of nuance, because now she knows beyond any doubt that if Luz does cross the portal she’d be with someone who deeply cares about her. Moreover, if I’m right about Amity’s upcoming conflict centering around her apprehension with Luz crossing the portal, her correspondence with Camilla could be a way for her to overcome this fear, for better or for worse. In other words, Camilla possibly unknowing giving her potential daughter-in-law the necessary tools for her to grow as a person. And honestly, I think that would be a pretty cool story.

And that could cause a pretty interesting dynamic between the three of them: Luz not sure as to who she wants to chose to become and most likely getting very upset once she learns of Amity’s lie, whilst still wanting (I don’t really have a defense for this I just think it’d be interesting) to keep her first romantic or potentially romantic relationship, while also being worried as to how things would be with her mother considering her own lie; Amity lying to Luz, while trying to balance out her on desires versus her loved one well-being; and Camilla having mixed feeling about Amity or whoever wrote those letters (they did lie to her after all), worrying like crazy about Luz and also feeling a tad upset at Luz’s lie. 

And holy shit I think that does it. I’m done.

Anyone, next finale is “Luz x Camilla x Amity”, that out of the way like Lilith x Eda and Lilith x Luz, my guess is that season 2.5 finale would be “Gus and Willow x Luz” or “Luz x Eda and King”, the finale finale therefore would most like be Luz x Luz.

Ci vediamo.

{Couple of edits I just thought would be important:

1 - I know that considering what I’ve said regarding the mid-season final may seem like a bit too much for a 20 something minutes episode. But I mean, this fandom and Amphibia’s seem to overlap quite a bit, and we all saw the metric ton of information they threw at us during True Colors. All that I’ve said seem to me well withing the realm of possibility.

2 - In the EXTREMELY unlikely chance I’m absolutely on point on everything I’ve just spouted (Despite being purposefully vague. But oh well. We can argue the semantics of vagueness some other time) I’ll consider this fandom as owing me a rendition of The Number of the Beast’s cover art (the album, not the single... not even I am morbid enough for that) featuring the Owl Beast, Belos and Kikimora or the Golden Boi. I call it the Owl Maiden. Will I go aggro if no one does that? No. Do I have means to demand it in any forceful way that would grant that I’d get to see said rendition? hahahaha I obviously don’t. Will I be poutty? Yes, that will 100% happen. But really, that would be for the benefit of us as a community. I mean, that look pretty awesome and you can’t argue otherwise.}

[captaincvans]

Chapter One: Heart Made of Glass

09/30/19

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader 

Word Count: 1667+

Prompt: 8. “I think we should break up.” 

Warnings: Language! Angry!Chris

Series Masterpost

A/N: This is my entry for @my-emotional-self 5K Writing Challenge! This can be read alone, but it is a part of a mini-series for those who want a continuation! Anyways, on to the fic~ If you want to be tagged, please send me an ASK! 

You weren’t one to complain about your boyfriend’s schedule. You knew as an actor, he was usually really busy filming and when he was at home, he made sure to spend as much time with you. This time however, when he came home after filming his last Avengers movie, he was distant and snappy with you. It started just two weeks before he was set to go home, and you chalked it up to the fact that it was his last movie with the people he’s worked with for the last eight years and he wanted to spend as much time as possible focused on them. Then he came home, and he just wasn’t the same person. He didn’t text you when he had landed. He didn’t greet you when he came home. There was no welcome home kiss- let alone a hug. He barely talked to you for the next few days, and every time you two talked, he was snappy and short.

The fights started happening more frequently, all throughout the winter holidays, the two of you were under a thick blanket of tension. This man could fight about anything and everything. He was stubborn and passionate. Those two traits were something you always admired about him. The way he could fight for what he believed was right, and defend those who didn’t have a voice. However, when those traits were used against you, that was a different story. Tonight was another fight, and you couldn’t for the life of you remember how it even started, but you knew the end of that fight was something you would be reliving for a very long time.

You were spending Christmas with his family, opening gifts with the whole Evans clan. The morning was spent baking cookies for the children, and you woke up early to make sure you baked enough for everyone. Once the whole lot was settled in the living room of Lisa’s house, around the Christmas tree, the children starting opening their gifts first. There were a lot of screaming, and excited laughter which made your heart swell with joy. You had a lot of fun picking out special gifts for each of the children after getting to know them in the last few years, and their joyous reactions was much appreciated. For the adults, you got each of his siblings an embossed bathrobe as a running joke when you had a spa day with them, a slightly drunk Scott proclaiming loudly that he wished he had a bathrobe as soft as the ones they were wearing. For his parents, you got something more practical, they were complaining about how their lawn mower didn’t survive last summer, so you got them another one for Christmas so they didn’t have to worry about it when the weather got warmer.

They each gifted you different things. Chris’ siblings all pitched together to get the two of you tickets to an art and wine tour, and his parents had gotten you a knitted blanket, joking about passing it down to your future kids. When you turned to Chris, his shoulders squared and his eyes were hard, glaring at you. You could tell it was making the rest of his family uncomfortable how cold he had been with you. They were used to his clingy ways, always having an arm around you and would never go pass two hours without kissing you at least once. They could feel the tension immediately when the two of you stepped in the house: the forced, awkward smile making it difficult to hide their rocky relationship. 

“I didn’t get anything for you,” Chris said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders.

Your shock was mirrored with by his family members, who knew Chris to be pretty extravagant with his gifts despite your constant insistence that you did not requiring anything to be that super fancy. “Okay, that’s not a problem! I still got you something.” You pulled out a small box, and handed it to him.

He tore the wrapping paper, not very gently, and opened the box to find two summer passes to Disneyland Park in California. When you found out that his last month of filming for his newest movie was in Anaheim, you jumped at the opportunity to have his stay extended to spend the whole summer in the sun and in the happiest place in the world.

“Oh, cool,” he said, closing the box, and moving on to the next gift.

You deflated slightly at his reaction, hoping for some more excitement. You could feel Lisa’s gaze on you, but chose to ignore it, chalking his reaction to the anxiety he always felt around the holidays. There were a lot of pressure around this time to be happy, and you knew that wasn’t always the case with the two of you.

You had one final dinner with the family before heading home. The original plan was to visit your family for a few days, but those plans fell through when your parents’ flight from Cuba was delayed and your siblings wanted to wait until they arrived home to have the get-together. Both of you entered the house silently, Dodger still with the petsitter until we could pick him up.

“Chris, can we talk?” You started, cautiously approaching him as you knew he was already in a bad mood.

“About what?” He responded with snark lacing his voice, He ran his hand through his hair as he dropped his bag near the entrance of the door.

“It was just really awkward today…”

He rolled his eyes. “Just because I didn’t get you a gift one time?!”

“No, no! It’s not like that- I don’t care that you didn’t get me anything. It’s just… I bought those Disney World passes for us… Daniel said you would be doing the last month of your filming in California so I figured I could take some time off and we can go together after you’re done.”

“So you’re upset that I wasn’t more excited for it? Jesus, you know I hate it when you make plans without considering my plans. What if I don’t want to stay in California after filming? You know I only leave Boston when I have to.”

“I know, but I thought it would be easier for you to stay in California for an extra month, instead of coming back here and having to spend money on another flight there.”

Chris scoffed, folding his arms across his chest. “It’s always about money with you, isn’t it?”

“What?! What do you mean?” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and crossed your arms in growing anger. 

“You’re always talking about money- telling me that I should save here and save there when I want something, but when you want something you don’t care about my savings anymore.”

“Chris, I never asked you to-“

“We both know you’re only with me for my money anyways,” Chris spat.

That argument made you stop in your tracks. Never in the two years that you dated the actor had he mentioned that he was uncomfortable with the silent arrangement with your finances. You had paid for flight tickets to visit him whenever you could, but there were a few times when he had surprised you with them as well. Everything in between was just whoever had their wallet out first. There were a few times that Chris had left his wallet behind or you had wanted to treat him, and you paid with no problem. Other times, he paid for your outings. You weren’t an actress by any means, and did not have that kind of money, but you weren’t living off his paycheque either.

“Chris, what the fuck?! You know that’s not true-” you started, but he scoffed. “Chris, I love you for you- I don’t-”

“You love my money. You love being spoiled. Honestly, don’t know why I bothered with you- I basically was just paying you to hang out and have sex with me.”

You gasped, never hearing such hurtful things from Chris, even at his angriest moments.

“I should’ve just gone with a prostitute- they’re probably cheaper and at least they keep themselves in shape. You just look like you’ve really let yourself go- honestly, how much weight did you gain while you were fattening yourself up with my money?”

That broke you. Everything else he had said before that moment, you would be willing to fix and forgive him for, but that statement was the last straw. He knew how insecure you were with your figure, especially for someone who was not an actress or model, dating one, he knew that you always felt not good enough. Compared to the beautiful women in his life that he’s dated, you felt like you were on a whole different world. You had told him of your insecurities during a really vulnerable point in your life, letting him in on years of self-hate and doubt that he had helped you with. Instead, now he was using it against you. All the small, petty fights from the previous month finally tired you out. All the fight you had melted away as your heart ached at his insult. 

“I think we should break up,” you whispered, not knowing what else to say. After packing up most of everything, you turned back to your boyfriend, realizing that there was one more thing you wanted to tell him. “Um- I’m not sure how you want to go about this, but I think you should know anyways, and if you want to call me after you’ve calmed down a bit so we can discuss this-”

“Discuss what?”

“I’m pregnant, Chris.”

He laughed, rolling his eyes. “Really? You’re gonna pull that one on me? I’ve had my share of sluts pretending to be pregnant with my baby. Stop lying to try to tie me down to you. It ain’t gonna work. You’re not getting any more money from me.”

“I’m serious, Chris. I could show-”

“Well, I don’t believe you. You probably got knocked up by someone else.”

“I never-”

“Just get out. I’ll leave your stuff with the concierge downstairs.”

Knowing he wasn’t going to listen to anymore, you nodded and left the apartment you spent the fast few years. It was only in the empty hallways of his apartment that you allowed yourself to crumble down. You don’t know how long you spent in hallways, just crying your hearts out at the loss of your relationship. You felt cold and empty, even moreso in the coldness of the winter season.

(Chapter 2) –>

[whiskeyworen]

Thoughts on Kralkatorrik

Fair warning. Gonna be dealing with lots of spoilers from Season 4. These are just my musings and thoughts, so feel free to reject them. Most of this is coming from mulling a lot of stuff over and over in my head to make sense.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Kralkatorrik lately, and I’m starting to wonder if he’s possibly one of the most utterly tragic entities we’ve ever encountered in Guild Wars 2. The Elder Dragon of Rage and Crystal...being the most tragic, pitiable, and sad beings I’ve ever seen. I was thinking about how Glint mentioned that at some point in the past, Kralkatorrik had approached her, driven by a vision he wanted her to confirm or deny. It was the vision of a world without Elder Dragons, without him. She claimed that the concept terrified him and drove him into a rage, and whatnot. But I’m wondering about that, simply because of what we know from War Eternal, from his final confessions to the Commander and Aurene. About not fearing death, not fearing anything. So why did Glint say that he WAS afraid? It made me wonder.... when did he have that vision? Was it shortly before he spoke to Glint about it? Or was it further back in history, in the forgotten, unwritten ages? Which made me think further; Glint had the gift of prophecy. To look through the skeins of fate and see particular outcomes and work towards them. But she couldn’t see past a certain point, because that point did not include her in it. In fact, from the memory crystals we find in Path of Fire... when she met Destiny’s Edge, she was surprised: “These heroes are...not what I expected. Do they have the courage to endure what's coming? The will to drive it back? “ I think that’s because the group she DID expect was Dragon Watch...from further down the timestream. She knew it was a group of mortals coming, with a sylvari, a charr, a human, and an asura...among others perhaps...but the group before her didn’t look quite right. She misinterpreted her own vision, and as a result, Destiny’s Edge tried to fight Kralkatorrik too early. Glint and Snaff died as a result. But... Kralkatorrik, for all his size and power, could have easily smeared or branded Destiny’s Edge. He didn’t though. Rytlock talks about having been close enough to ‘blow kisses’ to Kralk, but Kralk didn’t end up killing them in the end. Because that wasn’t part of the grander Vision. Back to the point, we know Aurene has prophetic visions, and looked through multiple outcomes to try to find one where she and her allies didn’t die against Kralk. And failed. Because that was a historical point that HAD to be met and bypassed by something not shown. Which made me wonder... if Aurene is prophetic to a degree, and Glint moreso, to the point of seeing decades, centuries down the road with some degree of accuracy (not perfect but pretty good)... did that mean Kralkatorrik could as well? Could he, by extension, see extremely FAR down the road, but perhaps not have the refinement to see any other paths? I suddenly had this idea that Kralkatorrik, in the far ancient past before he became the Moving Mountain Range of a Dragon, possibly when he first evolved up to a more powerful state, had had the greatest, deepest, and longest Vision. One that he saw all the way to the end of his own life, so many millennia down the road. And that it didn’t terrify him. It didn’t anger him. It just was. It was unavoidable (because he didn’t know HOW to avoid it, without wrecking the balance of the world himself, which he would have been very aware of), but it was tremendously far off. He could do almost anything and easily avoid it... but yet he didn’t. He took on the role that had been set for him. Perhaps he’d been granted a vision of where someone referred to him as the Elder Dragon of Rage and Crystal. Seen his own, enraged actions in later millennia. So he put that on as his image, projecting a false rage, but one honest enough to convince generations of mortals. Maybe even mixed in a bit of actual rage, because who likes being shackled to a fate they can’t alter? To be denied choice? With his Brand, over the passing of years, he could have easily reworked all of Tyria every time he awoke. But we see little if any of his influence other than in the Brand itself. And the Brand is a pretty permanent mark on the landscape. Pretty sure something like that doesn’t fade in a century or two. There should be entire swathes of landscape still bearing Brandmarks from the previous Risings, but there doesn’t seem to be. What if, just maybe... he was following a long list of events he had to make sure happened, to ensure that particular future came to pass. The one with Aurene, the Commander, the Pact, and Dragonfall itself? Every other Elder Dragon (barring Jormag, who claims to want only to be left alone, just ignore the ice minions) when they awoke tried to expand their territory as far as possible, and conquer and devour all in their path. But when Kralkatorrik awoke, he only burned a path straight south, and parked himself near the Tomb of the Primeval Kings. For YEARS. He drove south, and then sat somewhere. The only time he left that spot was to ‘confront’ Destiny’s Edge. As the Long Vision said he must, because he HAD to. He had to let Glint be un-linked to him for years, only to be forced to re-take her and her ending up dead because of it and the resulting battle. He had to watch as essentially his daughter died, knowing he could have left her alone and alive. But having to do it because if she lived, the Vision would go off-path, and the end result would be less-than-acceptable. So Glint dies, Snaff dies, and Kralkatorrik nurses a long, painful hurt that he knew was coming for ages. Imagine knowing that someone you cared about would turn on you, and you had to kill them. Imagine knowing, even worse, that that was the GOOD outcome. The one that HAD to happen. Mortals knew of him as the Crystal and Rage Dragon, because that was the image he had to plant in their minds. They HAD to hate him. They HAD to fear him. Fate needed them all bound together in a force strong enough to take him down, and he was the needle that sewed it all together through dozens of smaller, unseen movements over the years. Towards the end, after he’d absorbed all those toxic magics that he had no hope of containing, no hope of filtering and releasing in the ways that Aurene had been taught, because no one had ever taught HIM how to do it in ages past... He’d been almost insane with pain. But even then, he was still trying to follow the script. He knew he had to do...things... even if he wasn’t truly sure what they were. After such a long life, there must have been moments of ‘is this the part where I....’ by the dozens, but he probably knew his time was up, and knew he HAD to resist hard enough for everyone to be fully convinced of it. He had to fight back against us, because the script demanded he do it. So that there would be enough anger that we (the Commander, Aurene, the Pact) would not hesitate, not pull any punches, show no mercy.... Because it was the right thing to do. Kralkatorrik knew ages before that he was going to die, where, and how. Maybe not When, but one only needed to look to the events that would unfold to pick the proper time. He knew he would be hurt every stage of the path. From the loss of Glint, and possibly Vlast (the grandson he’d never properly met), to having to Brand Aurene to set her on her proper path. From Branding Ascalon and countless living beings to make the Charr, and by proxy Tyria hate him enough to fight him hard enough to make the Future possible. To facing down Balthazar when he frankly didn’t need to, even knowing Aurene was in that Warbeast, and being injured by it. Even chasing Aurene through the Mists, and into Thunderhead Keep, and then retreating back into the Mists to recupe some strength...that was only so there’d be time for Aurene to recover and gain her true abilities. He could have easily levelled the mountain, and instead he left...because Fate demanded he do so. There was no anger in him at the end. Only love for Aurene, regret for Glint, and possibly even those he’d Branded (I’m interpretting it that way because it’s very possible he did like Mortals, but because of his role in Fate, he HAD to kill and Brand them, and that hurt.), relieved resignation that he was at the end, and gratitude. In a way, all the horror, all the pain he caused... all the destruction, as oddly limited as it was compared to other Elder Dragons... was all FOR Tyria and the world. He played the role of mindless villain, because it was his destiny, and he could not shirk it. Could not see another way out that was beneficial to the world. So he took up that dark mantle, and wore it, and never let anyone else know, not even his own kin. Right till the end. Even Jormag never caught on. That’s how well he played the role. It’s impressive...and haunting. To knowingly do horrible things even though you don’t want to, but because it’s absolutely, 100% necessary. And to know it’s going to cost you Everything, right down to your own life... but everything will come out better for it afterward. I’m not even sure I’ve explained the scope of this thought properly. But it digs at the back of my mind now when I play through PoF, and Season 4. I can’t un-think these thoughts, not after hearing him at the end of Dragonfall. Hearing that he KNEW, and had always known, and was unafraid of it.

[zhuhongs]

Here’s my long ass review of TGCF that literally no one asked for it i have opinions and I have no one to tell them too so i must write them out and post them. (also part of this is abt the mdzs novel bc i can’t not compare them and I have a lot of thoughts abt that too)

This is very very long so it’s going under a read more. Spoilers ahead!!

Okay so first off this book was a fucking behemoth i can’t believe i read all of that (minus the extras) in under a week.. what the fuck. I definetly got reading fatigue halfway thru book 3.

I’m gonna separate my thoughts into sections bc i  have a few points that don’t all relate

firstly, overall writing and organization:

I said it earlier but tgcf is a lot more structurally sound than mdzs imo. My biggest criticism of the MDZS novel (minus the bad sex scenes, homophobia, and general I hate mxtxness of it) was the way the flashbacks were presented. 

Like OH MY GOD they were presented so badly. I hated that the flashback was told intermittently and only when one of the characters invoked the past. For example, when WWX meets Jiang Cheng and a second time, Jin Ling distracts JC to release “Mo Xuanyu” bc he saved his life in the Nie Ancestral hall earlier. WWX then proceeds to be the self sacrificing dude he is and take away Jin Ling’s curse and put it on himself. When he escapes and returns to LWJ, LWJ offers to carry him.

 If you watched CQL, you know exactly what LWJ is referring to when he says smth to the effect of “You once offered to carry me too, remember.” HOWEVER in the novel you don’t know what he’s talking about. This is because the flashback wasn’t been revealed to you yet. The next chapter goes to tell the flashback. I think that this takes away all of the emotional depth away from the scene. But in CQL, having the flashback already be known, you make the connection on your own and are like “awww wangji remembers that.. even 16 years later.“ Its a lot sweeter bc you know what the two have gone thru. At this point in the MDZS novel its barely the 30th chapter or so and you have no real idea what wangxian have been thru together or what reasons wangji has for loving wwx. You just think, well obviously they like each other bc this is a danmei novel and they are the two leads, ofc they have to like each other. But in cql, you learn through watching them that they’re in love. It’s not just like”well they have to be!! its a bl!!”

Okay that was a rlly long side tangent but it makes me so angry. So what did any of that have to do with TGCF?? well tgcf doesn’t have this issue. In fact, i believe that it gains a lot from having the flashback withheld from the reader. 

I really liked how the flashbacks were contained to books 2 and 4 respectively because it adds a layer of mystery. Hua Cheng is a very secretive man so it makes sense for us to not know everything about him upfront. The way that the author teases and hints little things at you make you want to know more, making it all the more satisfying when the truth is revealed. Because in a way you Know that Hua Cheng meets Xie Lian before and you know that he’s the child XL saved during the God Pleasing Ceremony but you don’t know all the details. Like obviously since Hua Cheng is a ghost you know that he’s died and it was likely for Xie Lian or Xian le’s sake but you probably never expected that he actually died twice. Once on the battle field and second when he took the human face disease. I think the difference between these flashbacks and the flashbacks in MDZS result from the length. In TGCF you get two long concise flashbacks that make sense to be placed where they are. Book 2 because you already have a feel and hint at what the characters have been through and book 4 because the White No Face appears again so then you learn how he and Xie Lian met before. It wouldn’t make sense to place book 2 any earlier bc there is no emotional impact. And it doesn’t make sense to place book 4 earlier because you don’t know what the white no face’s deal is so it’d be confusing. In MDZS, you get numerous short flashbacks happening alongside the main story and it makes it hard to piece together the timeline in a way that feels satisfying. Ik a lot of ppl grill cql for having a confusing intro episode and having a rlly long flashback but its much better than the mdzs novel. However the mdzs donghua handles the flashback in the most concise way imo.

Overall i think the way the story is structured is very good and is a step up from mdzs. Also the horror aspects of tgcf are rlly enjoyable and honestly i think mxtx should just write short horror stories at this point. like enough long ass novels chock full of fetishization. just write some fun horror with no romance and call it a day.. pls

Side Characters:

okay so straight up, i think the side characters arent used as well as they were in mdzs bc mxtx wanted to focus on hualian and didn’t want to give the side characters as much focus. This is a weaker point of the novel.

I’ll get into it more below but i think hua cheng was done dirty as a character by having him rlly only care abt xie lian. Since he doesn;t have any real relationships with others outside of xie lian this takes away from having more depth in the side characters. They’re really only related as far as xie lian’s relationship with them. Though thankfully xie lian gets rather close with a few officials and the ones we get to see more of are rlly interesting. I especially loved the reconciliation of mu qing, feng xin, and xie lian at the end of book 5. honestly their relationship was one my favorites and i’m glad they finally said what they had to say to each other after 800 fucking years. Also Shi Qingxuan is a delight. we stan sqx in this house.

The characters i wish we had seen more of were yushi huang (although she didnt rlly want to be there, good for her), Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu. I very much wish yizhen and yin yus story happened earlier on and we had more time with them. It felt strange to have their subplot occur towards the end and it was sort of out of place but i liked them a lot!! i wish there was more to it. and that there was a reconcilation but mxtx hates happy shidi’s doesnt she, (glares at novel jc). Also man yin yu did NOT have to die like that i’m sad.

Also, honestly.. i don’t think qi rong added to the story whatsoever and i have no clue why he and guzi were there. qi rong just pissed me off the whole time and added literally nothing.

going back to yushi huang, i’d like to say for the millionth time that i hate how mxtx uses any of her female characters. like we get it.. u hate women being useful... im still pressed but what i want to say has been said many times before so ill leave it at that.

Hualian:

I really really did like hualian at the end. They had a truly epic love story and it was so beautiful, especially when hua cheng repeated his words as wuming to xie lian as he started to disappear. But, I said it once and i’ll say it again. I don’t think Hualian is a super healthy relationship. As fiction its fine (i firmly believe fiction impacts reality but let me finish), i guess bc literally nothing about their situation can be replicated irl and none of it ended up containing manipulation or abuse or anything bad but there was a potential for it to and i’m really glad it didnt go that route.

Hualian is a highly idealized and romanticized relationship full of some truly troubling feelings of self worth. While its “beautiful” in a way that hc really was xls most devoted believer, it wasnt healthy for him to live for xl like this. Nor was it healthy for xl to feel so unworthy of hua chengs love.  

Hua Cheng’s devotion to Xie Lian is a little too extreme and it bothers me. When the truth was revealed abt the Temple of 10,000 Gods I had the same reaction as Mu Qing and Feng Xin. I was like... HEY WHAT THE FUCKK that’s a little uh... thats NOT HEALTHY,, dianxia PLEASE say smth. But ofc Xie Lian didn’t say fucking anything and and i was so pissed. Like the whole thing of Hua Cheng living his life solely for XIe Lian is really kinda fucked up and not romantic. I was holding out hope that at some point XIe Lian would sit him down and be like “Hey! I love you and i’m really grateful that all these years you’ve still believed in me when no one else did. But you can’t just live your life for my sake. You deserve love from many other other people and deserve to have a life and happiness outside of me. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you, but you need to not only think of me.” or something to that effect

It bothers me that after Xie Lian learns the truth he doesn’t once reassure Hua Cheng that he didn’t have to make Xie Lian his reason for existence. Like.. idk i just think that’s rlly kinda unhealthy. Like I understand why Hua Cheng is so deeply devoted to Xie Lian-- he saved his life twice and was the only one to ever show him kindness and he’s seen xie lian suffer a fate worse than death multiple times. I get that he wants to protect him and make his life easier, but to not let anyone else into his life and spend 800 years looking for xie lian is just overkill. Like if the whole 10k statues thing never happened i’d be 100 percent fine with hualin but the whole devotion to that extent... uhhh yea.. no that put a bad taste in my mouth. Obsession should not be romanticised. I don’t think any reader of tgcf is going out and deciding to live like hua cheng obviously but still.

Also Side note, the whole 100 swords scene.. bro i felt for hua cheng, the way he screamed seeing that, i don’t blame him. I was so horrified reading that chapter. i don’t think i’ve been so horrified by a piece of media like that in a while. Poor fucking xie lian.. oh my god. I understand the intense reaction he had and how seeing that prompted such a degree of loyalty but still.. 10k statues?? the cave that mu qing and feng xin saw... thats a little too much obssession... like please.. dial it back.. im begging u.

I was talking to mary (liviahyes) and she said smth abt how Hua Cheng doesn’t have a character outside of xie lian. And she’s right, he kinda doesn’t. If Xie Lian didn’t exist neither would Hua Cheng. I get that that counds kinda romantic but in practice i don’t think its a good things. Especially because Xie Lian has a story outside of Hua Cheng, hehas goals, he has friends, he has something. Hua Cheng said it-- his only dream is Xie Lian. Which is romantic but very very unbalanced. 

THAT BEING SAID, i still rly liked their relationship and i think theyre cute they just have issues they need to work through. I mean they have time but yea. It wasn’t perfect but eh. overall i’m bitter bc they couldve been THAT COUPLE but theyre so many bad implications as mentioned above and i.. smh. They still have amazing moments. Like the lantern scene, the alter scene, the “what matters is you, not the state of you”, the end when hua cheng helps release the shackles on xie lian, the scene where hua cheng disappears, the way xie lian waited for him, like they were so close to being THAT COUPLE but then mxtx and her fujo ass just had to make it uncomfortable like that. i’m so bitter. Like the reason why i wrote out all of this is bc this novel could’ve been great but so many little things added up and made the experience far more sour than it shouldve been.

MXTX did hua cheng SO DIRTY by not giving him a character much outside of loving xie lian and being good at everything. Like when I first learned abt how Hua Cheng beat 33 heavenly officials at what they excel in best i was like WHO IS THIS LEGEND but honestly.. he rlly doesn’t have any motivations outside of helping xie lian and I wish he had more to him . Like if we had more situations like the one where hua cheng dug out his own eye to save the group of mortals on mount tong’lu then he’d have been a much more well rounded character. Honestly, that’s rlly the only instance where he seems to have taken xie lians ideals to heart. I wish we had more of that bc that scene was so cool. i wish it hadn’t been revealled so late and there was more than one occasion where he defends others (minus xie lian ofc) without anything for himself to gain that.

To contrast hualian with wangxian, i think wangxian work so well bc at their core, they have the same life goals and same ideas about people and the world. Where in hualian, xie lian has core principles and morals and hua cheng is just like, anything for xie lian. SMH they couldve been great but overall i think hualian falls flat for me because of my own fear of dating someone who doesn’t have a life outside of dating me. Moreso, my parents had this sort of unbalanced relationship towards the end of their marriage and it ended very badly and yea, i just can’t whole heartedly love relationships that in any way resemble this, even if it ends differently. that’s a personal thing tho.

I don’t think Hua Cheng has ANY bad intentions towards Xie Lian or ever will. I don’t think he’s ever manipulated xl or tried to force him to love him. But again, it’s my own personal feelings that makes me feel kinda.. ehh conflicted abt hualian. There was potential but again.. fujoshis ruin everything... smh. Overall i think the way it ended redeemed the issues it had but still there were issues and i really wish xie lian like,, reassured hua cheng about living his life freely at some point but whatever. 

IN CONCLUSION

TGCF had the potential to be better than mdzs, it rlly did but it was bogged down by the authors own toxic mentalities abt love, and mlm relationships, and treating women like ppl and it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I enjoyed this book, truly i did (otherwise i wouldn’t have stuck through and read 750k words of it) but there are some flaws that cannot be glossed over. I hope that tgcf when it does get adapted, goes through the same miracle that cql did and makes the characters more like ppl and less like tropes but i doubt it. Also i highly doubt that a live action tgcf is feasible given the supernatural aspects of the series but we shall see. I’m excited for the donghua when it eventual comes out but i will continue to be critical of the novel bc..well.. you see why. idk if i’d reccommend this book tbh bc like yes i would, no i would... well.. </3. yea. overall, it sure was something that i enjoyed in spades. especially the last 5 chapters. I generally liked it but had many issues with it at the same time, but honestly, yea thats the standard fair for a mxtx novel. 

[repo-net]

 And we’re back with another one of these posts. Today, I’ll be talking about one of my favorite trios in the series, Kotoko-Monaca-Nagisa. Legit, these three’s dynamic is super well-written and all of them deserve the love they get from the fandom.

Today’s Nagisa topic of the day: His trio with Kotoko and Monaca, and his relationships with them.

We’ll start with the core of this trio’s dynamic: Two loved Monaca, Monaca loved neither. One fights back against Monaca, one succumbs to her manipulation.

Really, a lot of this dynamic is centered around Monaca, and how the other two’s relationship with her just clashes well with each other and it makes for an amazing trio of angst overall.

We’ll start by talking about Nagisa’s relationship with Kotoko. Kotoko is imo probably the second least developed relationship with Nagisa, only really ahead of Masaru.

They don’t share much screentime together, and when they do, most of the time they’re just Nagisa talking all mature and stuff about their paradise and his plans while Kotoko in the background just goes “KYAAAAAAA” while he does it. Or he’s being an absolute mess around Monaca and she’s teasing him about it, take your pick.

Their one significant moment together was at the end of Chapter 3 and beginning of Chapter 4 where Nagisa bails Kotoko out of any more trouble, and requests Komaru and Toko to leave the town. One of my favorite Nagisa lines is one where he directs to Kotoko: “You don’t want Monaca to hate you, do you?”

Kotoko is very worried about what Monaca would feel if she found out Nagisa helped two of their “demons” escape the game. He’s aware of it, but in his eyes, it’s necessary because the two have really been putting a stop to their plans of a paradise, and he believes that if he just explains his viewpoint to Monaca, she’ll understand.

But even with everything he said, he still ends up telling Kotoko to now follow him because even he knows it’s not guaranteed Monaca won’t hate him, even if he tried to explain it. And the way his VA just voiced it where he just sounds so... God, I don’t know what the word is but it’s a damn good word, that’s for sure.

Despite a lot of the teasing Kotoko does and says she thinks he’s way too stuckup, Kotoko does have some admiration for Nagisa because he is a good leader, and Nagisa cares about Kotoko too, as he wanted to shield her from Monaca’s wrath. Him telling her to not follow him was able to give Kotoko a redemption arc to take down Monaca along with Komaru & Toko.

#NagisaMakesOtherCharactersBetterJustByExisting2020

Unfortunately, that would be the last we ever see Kotoko and Nagisa interact, and becasue of this their relationship I feel is a little on the underdeveloped side.

My reasoning on why I think Jataro has a more fleshed out relationship with Nagisa despite his much, much lower amount of screentime is because the two get a lot of subtle stuff inside (the paintings where the only WoH he drawed himself with is Nagisa, him clinging onto Nagisa during the post-UDG image of the kids) and outside the game (the relationship charts between the two in the official art books) just gives the two much more material. With Kotoko however, she didn’t really get any of these other than teasing Nagisa about his crush, complaining that he’s a bossy smartass, and again, end of Chapter 3 + start of Chapter 4. All the two really get are one-off jokes, moreso at Nagisa’s expense, but I’ll talk about some of the things I like about the two once I get past Monaca.

Speaking of satan herself, one of the parts of my Nagisa writeup is literally just dedicated to him and Monaca’s relationship, so I’m gonna pull some stuff from there to make my job easier. I could legit talk about these two for atleast an hour or so, tbh

The painful story of the boy who was loved by none and loved one, and a girl who was loved by everyone and loved none. Well, Junko exists so I guess Monaca does have someone she loves, but you get what I’m saying.

Monaca and Nagisa’s relationship goes as far back as elementary school because of how much backstory it’s given by the game and even outside it too. 

The amount of times she’s subtly manipulating him by giving him compliments, saying she expects a lot from him, all of them don’t look so cute when you replay the game and just hurt when you see how he’s so wrapped around her when you, the player, know that she’s just using him for her personal gain, and hell, she even fucking expected him to die for her when Nagisa fought Komaru and Toko, she knew that he was gonna fall to the duo and fully expected him to die in the process. Good lord, Nagisa. You really gotta find a new crush, this ain’t so totally adorbs.

Nagisa has so many cases of being a... can I say it? Simp for Monaca. Like damn bro, breaking into a factory and trying to get rid of a bunch of schoolgirls just because she promised you favors? Lmao simp

Okay, back to the more serious side of things, Nagisa showcases a lot of tendencies to do anything to please Monaca, even before the infamous you-know-what scene. “Monaca is our princess, I will never allow that!”

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who was on board the Nagisa x Monaca ship before the horrible era of Chapter 4, like it seemed to be one of the more wholesome things to come out of UDG, before they made their relationship into one of the darkest and most twisted ones in the entire series.

Nagisa truly did love Monaca, and he felt like nobody cared for him the same way he thought Monaca cared for him. And Monaca knew this, and using this to her advantage, she probably had the easiest time manipulating him.

If you wanna hear a more extended version of an analysis of Monaca and Nagisa, then I recommend you read the fic known as: Paradise by DarkShockBro on AO3. It’s an extended view of the infamous kiss scene between the two, and it’s one of my favorite Nagisa centered fics as a whole. Seriously, give it a read, it’s chilling, and makes Monaca look like a slightly better person. Slightly.

A lot of the appeal for me that comes from the Kotoko-Monaca-Nagisa trio stems from the fact that Monaca used both of their love her against them, with one of them succumbing to her manipulation and falling into despair, and the other rising up and fights to put an end to Monaca’s twisted game. That’s not to say Nagisa didn’t mature from it and grow past it,because DR3 does exist, I’m just talking about what we got from UDG. And what we got from UDG was great and could not have asked for more between the trio.

Really, the only even slightly negative thing I can say about this is that Nagisa and Kotoko didn’t get developed as a pair of friends more.

I enjoy fics that have a focus on Kotoko/Nagisa because I think the two definitely could’ve been fleshed out more in terms of just the two as a whole together, considering that they both got a lot of screentime in UDG yet to be so together so little is just a tad bit asking for more, and honestly because there’s a lot of similarities the two have that make both their presences enjoyable when in the same room. I might end up just making a fluffy story that takes place post-UDG between the two of them because I feel like these two have a lot of untapped potential together.

Anyways, that’s really all I have to say for now. Let me know what you guys think, this is probably the last one of these topic talks for a while because these take pretty long to write, lol

Thanks for reading!

[stained-glass-fragments]

[ Stained Glass (Fragments): The Only Path (pt 1) ]

How she managed to fall asleep in his arms after everything he had done, Farona didn't even understand, herself.

But she had.

Perhaps utter exhaustion had gotten the better of her. After all, in a single night's time, she had been burdened with a truth that nothing could have possibly prepared her for. The revelation in its entirety was a heavy weight to bear on both her mind and her heart. Her emotions and body were equally drained.

Yune Hiraze. The name alone made her feel too many conflicting things, some of which she couldn't even pin-point or categorize properly anymore.

In truth, she didn't know what to think. And moreso, she didn't know what to do.

How was anyone to react upon discovering that someone they trusted implicitly was carrying out a terrifying revenge plot that they knew nothing about? How did you look someone in the eye who could murder innocent people in cold blood? How did you even begin to accept that someone you considered a close friend was capable of such utter malice and acts of hatred?

And at the same time, she knew what had pained him. She understood the things that he felt---the despair, the fear, the constant feeling of never belonging anywhere or with anyone. And the knowledge that deep down, no matter how you may try to hide or mask it, you were different---you were potentially dangerous---you were infected with something beyond your control that could ruin your entire life in an instant if exposed.

You were a creation. You were a monster.

Your humanity was forever tainted.

Yune knew exactly what that felt like. They shared a bond that no one else could truly fathom the depths or origins of. And it made sense now, what had drawn her to him so much over the time they spent traveling together. She didn't know the truth then, but it was as if something beyond her understanding and control was reaching for that likeness, that kindred spirit. She felt a warmth in his presence that was often times as bewildering as it was comforting.

But the truth was, Yune was dangerous. There was no denying that fact.

He had power and he knew how to use it. He could kill and had killed---countless times already. He was calculating and ruthless. He pulled strings effortlessly, like everyone around him were mere marionettes.

Including her. She had never guessed even once that Yune was hiding any dark secrets or putting on a show and wearing a mask. How many times must she have played right into his hands without realizing it?

Even now, as she laid with eyes half-open, somewhere between sleeping and waking, her emotions were a torrent of unadulterated chaos.

Why... did he tell her truth?

Why did he seek her out the night prior?

Yune knew her well, no matter how little she truly knew about him. He must have known that she would never go along with his plans or join him after exposing his true intentions.

So why did he want her to stay? Why was his arm draped so securely around her form? What did he gain from this? Was it some attempt to coax her into not going to the authorities?

He could have killed her. She knew that. Her mind had even tried to prepare her for it during their confrontation right here in the church, mere hours ago. And if he had wanted to stop her from seeking the guard or others to apprehend him, it wouldn't have been difficult.

Was it because he realized that no one would listen to her anymore? Was that... why he told her the truth?

An invisible vice clenched around her heart. From what she knew of this Yune---the Yune that was capable of terrible things and becoming an entirely different person of his own making---it was uncomfortably probable. He spent nearly his entire life lying---and lying so well that it fooled her and everyone he'd met. Yune had clearly mastered that art.

But something still didn't add up. There was still some part of her heart that refused to acknowledge that everything was a lie and a setup. If his infatuation with her was just due to a need to possess and control and nothing more, there was no reason for him not to turn her into the walking dead as he had so many others.

She was alive. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest against her back, and light breaths tickling the back of her neck.

There was a reality in the lie somewhere. But like a needle in a haystack, she didn't even know where to begin searching for it.

The path forward from here was shrouded in shadow and dense mist as far as the eyes could see. Over the course of one day, the road she once traveled had been torn apart and the brightness that guided her footsteps to a better tomorrow had been covered in darkness.

Where did she go from here?

Her aqua eyes blinked once, twice. The steadily breathing body wound around her continued to slumber peacefully within the church.

At least one of them was unconcerned, she thought sourly. Did this all fit into his plans too? Was this all going right down the path he intended, which he'd now unceremoniously collided into her already-broken one?

One thing was clear to her, though. Whatever happened from hereon out, she couldn't let him do as he pleased.

Turning him in to the authorities of Rune-Midgard would accomplish nothing. After all, she couldn't overpower him if it came down to it and the idea of tricking this mastermind into turning himself in was laughable.

All that would accomplish was essentially throwing herself into their hands. A part of her had almost done that the prior day after her origins had been discovered. Thinking back on it, she was disgusted by how easily she had fallen apart and been prepared to give up.

There was still good in this world. There were still good people. Perhaps a lot of her former comrades were swayed by fear and uncertainty after the revelation of what she was, but she couldn't let that stop her. She was still a lord knight. And even if that path had been wrenched from her, she could still hold on to those morals and values that she held dear.

No one could take those from her -- not the alchemists, not Yune, not anyone.

More fully awake now, she twisted slightly in the loose grasp of the high priest. The arms around her instantly constricted and she gasped.

Had he been awake all this time?

"We still have a few minutes to relax," he voiced up against one of her ears, which twitched involuntarily in response. "No need to rush things."

The first shreds of dawn were alighting the cracked stained glass window above.

And suddenly, looking at the contorted image in the interlocking pattern of colored glass, it fell into place in her mind.

It was clear what she had to do now.

"I won't let you," she suddenly declared in a tone that was resolute.

"Hmmm?" He nuzzled the side of her neck, which made her ears stand on-end. "Won't let me what, pray tell?"

Her lips pursed. "Kill."

Yune stilled against her back briefly. Then, he chuckled. "A little late for that, don't you think?"

Her eyes narrowed, once again settling on the tall, cracked window. A few of the colored tiles had lit up with the morning gaze of the sun, spreading multi-colored polygon patterns on the floor. There was no way to recover the lost lives up to this point, as much as she regretted that fact. There was nothing she could do about it. But for the future, she would do that all that she could to prevent - to protect.

"I won't let you do it again," she swore, clenching her hands together.

He was unnervingly quiet for next few seconds, making her heart rate begin to pick up. That was a bold claim to make, but... it was the truth. She would do everything within her power---human or not---to make sure he wouldn't take another life. This was the only path for her now. The only path that she felt was right.

"Do you really think you could stop me?"

It sounded like a challenge---a threat, almost. She could all but feel the smirk of his lips against her left ear. Farona hesitated. She wasn't confident that she could, when it came down to it.

But that didn't matter. It wasn't about whether she could or couldn't.

She had to.

"I will," she promised softly, unwinding herself from his arms.

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [WATTPAD] [QUOTEV]

NOTE: Okay I just really liked writing this chapter. It's probably my favourite out of the past 15 and the next few (yes the rough drafts are already in existence). Dunno why exactly. Thanks again for everybody reviewing and reading along, I hope you guys are enjoying!

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Moonlight filled the corners of the night that the receding campfire missed as they walked along the beach. They had unanimously left the fireside after Elsa watched Anna's expression gaining more and more certainty. And wonder: she wasn't sure she had ever seen true, genuine wonder in another person's expression before. Not until now.

"So… what's your real name?"

"Elsa," she told her with a laugh.

"Oh. I guess… I thought that was a character? To go with the accent."

"Sorry. I didn't know what to do when I saw you suddenly there, and panicked. That was… really stupid."

Anna shook her head. They were both carrying their shoes, Chucks in Anna's hand and pricey black heels in Elsa's. Could they be any more different - from different worlds? What an ill-advised mish-mash they were. But it was one she couldn't stop from happening. Didn't want to stop.

"Not stupid. I guess I just… I don't even know what I thought would happen when I got here, but it's all so… weird. Am I weird in person?"

"Yes." They both laughed. "But no moreso than usual. No worse than me."

"Then… is it… did you not want to meet me?" She held up her free hand to forestall her answer. "Sorry. That's a super loaded question, I'm a bitch."

Elsa shook her head. "You aren't. I am." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You aren't available, Anna. It's not right for me to pursue this. And I'm… we won't be able to have anything like a healthy relationship because of who I am. So I just… I know that what I've been doing is… foolish, and stupid. But I can't seem to let you go."

At some point, Anna had stopped, and Elsa turned to blink at her. She wasn't sure what she expected to hear her say but it wasn't, "Dude… you're into me."

"Huh?"

"Can't take it back now," she said with a big grin, turning her head a little to the left to appear more mischievous as she leaned forward for emphasis. "You liiiiike me."

"What?! O-of course I like you, we're friends!"

"C'mon, don't try that. You said you didn't want to 'pursue this', which is like, a super nerdy way to say you got the hots for me but can't take me to Poundtown."

Thank God it was dark or her blush would have been visible for miles. "Th-that is absolutely not how I would ever put it."

"Yeah, I know." Anna approached, and at first Elsa backed up… but she was so beautiful under the stars, with the crashing waves in the background, that she felt rooted to the spot. To let the inevitable happen, whatever it might end up being. "Because you're a classy bitch. And geez you're so tall, wow."

Even the word "bitch" didn't hurt coming from Anna.

"Okay," she whispered softly as Anna came to a stop, mere inches away from her. "Maybe… you aren't wrong. But what does it matter?"

"It matters a lot. Because…" She bit her lip. A love confession was coming, and Elsa couldn't hear it - not while there were obstacles in the way. NO! Not "obstacles"; those could be removed, and she didn't want to drastically change both of their lives. Not just for her own greedy desires.

"Wait," she whispered, laying a finger on Anna's lips. "I… you can't."

"Hmmm?" she asked, heeding the request not to speak. Even though she could have easily batted the hand aside.

"You know how I feel about coming out. My contract… and… I don't think you're ready to leave him." Anna's expression turned bleak, so she barrelled ahead, "And you don't know what your life will be like once the public figures out we're together."

Rolling her eyes, she did finally take Elsa's hand. Didn't just smack it - she took it and held on. Did that have to feel so soft and exquisite? "So what? They can't hurt me."

"They can. Nobody knows you're Roxanne now, but wait until thirsty paparazzi get ahold of your picture. I can't stand the thought of me ruining the rest of your life."

"Well… I mean, it didn't ruin MIa Khalifa, so…"

"Who?"

"Nevermind." She laid both hands on Elsa's shoulders now; when did she drop her shoes? "Listen. It's super sweet that you're trying to white knight me-"

"I told you before, that isn't-"

"-but I can take care of myself. I'm a big girl with big girl panties." She added a wink. "You bought me some of them."

"You haven't seen it," Elsa protested weakly, cupping the shorter girl's cheek. She leaned into it and it took concentrated effort not to get highly distracted. "People destroyed by their reputations. Both of us would be, but I knew what I was getting into with this business. You don't; not really, not from the inside like I do."

Anna let out a weak laugh. "Actually, the way you talk about your mom and dad, you didn't, either."

"Well… okay, that's true. But I could always change careers; I chose to remain in the public eye as an adult."

"What if I want to choose to be internationally known as some slutty camgirl if it means I'm your slutty camgirl?" When Elsa didn't respond right away, she let out a soft laugh, leaning down to bump her forehead against her shoulder. "Wow. This is… like, I don't know why I'm surprised I have it as bad as you do. Like, I'm in LA!"

"Santa Barbara."

"Whatever. Point is, I drove to another state to meet you. That's big for just some acquaintance, but normal for a crush."

"Anna…" She pet over her soft hair, relishing the warmth. "Are we really making this mistake together? Are we that hopeless?"

"Looks like it."

"What about classes? Your anonymity? Hans?"

"Fuck all that. I'm… I can worry about them tomorrow."

Rolling her eyes toward the moon, as if asking for help, she pulled that trim, warm body closer against her own. Staving off the chill wind of the mild SoCal winter. "You make it sound so easy. To ignore consequences."

"It is. Dealing with them's still gonna be hard if I stress, so why stress? At least this way, I get to enjoy right now. With you."

Neither of them said anything more for a while. They just stood there and tried to use each other's body heat as a shield against a cold, unforgiving world.

                                    To Be Continued…

[alexmasonking]

A Nightmare to Remember

Alex and Jessica were jamming out in the car, ready to spend New Years up on the mountain with all their family. The two were blasting a throwback to their early emo middle school days and Jessica was sitting with her back against the door to his car, her feet tapping against his thigh to the beat of the music. “Hopefully this rain will clear up before new years otherwise we might not see many fireworks.” He huffed in a little bit of a pout. The two rounded one of the turns up the mountain when his headlights caught something in the middle of the road. Alex’s arm instinctively shot out to hold Jessica back as he punched on the breaks, but the car just slid and Alex realized he couldn’t reach her on the far side of the car with the way she had been sitting. The two were jerked around as the loud crunch of metal cut through the music and the car spun off the road.

There was no memory of what happened next, all Alex could recall was the throbbing in his head once the car found itself wedged in a more wooded area near the bottom of the mountain.  He lifted his head off the steering wheel, coughing and wincing as he struggled to catch his breath. His left side felt like it was on fire and he thought he might throw up from the pain, but the need to check on Jessica trumped any assessment of his own condition. Slowly, he moved his head to look at the passenger side, calling out her name through the settling dirt and debris that had been kicked up on their tumble down the mountain. He got no response and reached out as far as he could to feel her and check on her, but his hand just hit empty air and the back of the seat.

As the dust settled, he started screaming out her name, noticing she wasn’t anywhere in the car with him. Trying to move and pull himself out of his seat, Alex found himself coughing again, vision dancing with white and black spots and breath catching in his chest. Not long after he was passing out from the pain. This cycle continued twice more until he woke up to the sound of people yelling his name and he just rested where he was, not sure of this was a fever dream from hypothermia or real life, but as soon as a bright light hit his face, he was squinting and nodding as an all too familiar voice started shouting and asking him if he was okay. Was he? Not really. Was it bad enough to worry Cam over? Not really.

“Yeah, yeah I’m okay. I can hear you.” He insisted, head turned away from the bright light. “I couldn’t find Jessica, did you find her? Is she okay?” Cam moved his flashlight out of his face and looked up the hill, hollering at apparently Ryan - though it seemed Nicole was the one responding. He realized he was moreso watching Cam, hearing the shouting, but not processing the words until Cam was back in his face, nodding and telling him that Jessica was fine, Ryan was helping her sit up and warm up as they spoke. “You’ve got to stay talking to me, alright? Help will be here in ten.” Cam lied and reached out to pat at Alex’s arm. “How are you feeling? Can you move?” “I’m okay, but I’m pinned in.” Cam moved around the car to try and open Alex’s door. “Let’s get you out of here, alright? Can you push?” The two tried forcing the crushed door open, but when that didn’t work Cam crawled over through one of the busted windows to try and possibly move Alex’s seat back, but that wouldn’t budge either. 

“Change of plans, we’re going to just have to wait for help. Can you hang in there?” Cam huffed and Alex nodded, giving a chuckle which turned into a cough. “Yeah, I’ll do what I can.” The boys started talking about anything and anything, Alex could tell that Cam was panicked because his mind seemed to be running a mile a minute, but he didn’t mind. The moments he didn’t have to contribute, he could focus on breathing without the obnoxious and sharp pain when he took a deep breath or the constant burning, throbbing sensation in his upper abdomen. Whenever he took too long to breathe through whatever his body was going through, he’d feel Cam once again patting him on the shoulder and then his awareness would return, he’d open his eyes, unaware that they were ever closing to begin with and tune back in to the voice hollering at him to stay awake. 

Alex blinked at Cam before finally speaking back up. “Sorry, I’m good, I’m good. I’m talking, I’m good.” He could more so feel the relief coming from Cam rather than hear it. “Well good, because as soon as you’re out of this fucking car you’ve got to help me with this baby room, man. So stay with me, alright?” Alex smirked, remembering where the conversation was before he started drifting off. “Oh yeah, how’d you two come up with a space theme? I thought you said you were going with the beach. Remember the sea turtle stuffed animal?” Conversation was going to be good for both of them, Alex realized, so he really tried to focus, truly he did. “Well I thought that’s what we were going with, Tristan said she liked a beach theme if it was a girl and a space theme if it was a boy. Her and Austin are going to paint planets and stars and stuff on the walls.” “Wait, so it’s a boy?” Alex asked with a surprised grin. “Yeah, just found out today, we were going to tell everyone at the cabin.” Cam’s voice came in a lot calmer this time as he spoke. “Congrats man, you’re going to be a cool ass dad. I’m sure Tristan is thrilled it’s a boy.” “She is, but don’t tell Jessica yet, she wanted everyone to be surprised.” Despite his efforts to focus, rolling his head back to bump the headrest as they talked was a bad decision and immediately Alex’s vision was blurring, black and white spots dancing in and out as he squinted and huffed out a tired sigh. 

He’d been fine passing out the first couple of times, at this rate Alex knew he would be fine to rest some more now, but Cam was not going to allow it. “Five minutes.” He tried to barter, eyes closed, moreso from the pain than from exhaustion, but it was hard to tell the difference when it all blended together. “No, no, no, no. This isn’t Sleepaway camp, no five minutes. You hit your head and five minutes could be really bad.” Cam was swatting at him again, voice louder to gain Alex’s attention, but all he earned back was a harrumph. “Come on, Alex. Stay with me, I need you to stay awake and get out of here in one piece. You’ve still got to help me put that stupid star light wall up once we’re back home. And-and when Malcom or Micah or whatever his name is gets here I’m going to need your help because you’re a lot better with babies and kids than I am. So stay with me okay?”

Alex focused all his will on trying to stay awake, he didn’t want to make Cam any more panicked than he already was, but his eyelids felt weighed down. “I’m with you.” “You sure about that?” “Yeah - yeah. Can you still see Jessica?” “Uh.. yeah, yeah she’s probably got a busted leg, y’know?” “Can you tell her I love her and that I’m sorry?” There was the distant sound of sirens and then the sound of several voices yelling, definitely Cam and probably Nicole if not both Nicole and Ryan, trying to catch emergency service’s attention. 

Beth’s boyfriend Brad was the one to cut the door off his jeep and helped un-wedge him from his current position. He kept hearing from everyone that Jessica was going to be okay, but he knew by their expressions things were very much not okay. Before they removed him from the car, he gripped Brad’s upper arm and looked at him seriously. “Just be honest with me..” The sigh and shake of the head he got was enough to make his stomach sink, but he listened as Brad told him she was already on the way to the hospital, that she’d been thrown and hit a tree and was battling the hypothermia even worse than him. Nodding, Alex gave him a small thanks, brain trying to process that they were both going to be okay. Alex knew he wasn’t going to die, he still knew it and he was just trying to accept that, despite the looks on everyone’s faces and the panic from what sounded like Ryan in the background, Jess was going to be just fine too. He kept assuring himself in his own mind before he hissed in pain as they moved him from the car directly on a backboard.

He didn’t notice it right away, the pain of moving in general was making him slur his words slightly as his blood pressure spiked while he laid in a supine position. He only knew because of the annoyingly rapid beeping of the heart monitor he didn’t even realize had been attached to him. His vision was dancing as the pounding in his head started in again with a fury this time. “I need to sit up-“ He started to insist as everything started spinning, but the EMTs just told him that wasn’t safe for his spine to be in an elevated position and he could hear Cam start to argue that if he was in more pain laying down they needed to listen to him. It was an argument neither of them were going to win, so Alex just held out his hand to his brother and told him it would be fine. That he was okay and everyone would be okay.

He kept assuring his best friend as they loaded up in the ambulance and Cam rode with, but in a moment’s notice the pain in his head built up until he’d rather it explose and then he felt nothing. Alex didn’t feel the pain in his body, didn’t hear the loud consistent ring of the heart monitor signaling a drop in pulse that wasn’t returning. He didn’t hear Cam, frantic in the seat next to him or the instructions from the EMTs as they cut open his shirt and prepared him for the first of the three shocks it took to restart his heart. He didn't even hear the monitors beeping once his heart started again, just laid in a peaceful blackness.

Once Alex was being wheeled in through emergency, they took Cam into the same private waiting room that Ryan and Nicole were already in, talking to their parents. They all turned their attention to him, but a moment later, Derek was getting a page for an emergency patient assessment and he patted Cam’s shoulder on the way out, rushing to treat his now son in law, unbeknownst to him. It took only a few moments for Derek to check over Alex to know he needed to call in a CT and the surgical team. He was getting a bedside ultrasound and Derek argued with Christina over what would kill him faster, a ruptured spleen or any of the million side effects Alex might deal with with a brain injury.

It took about fifteen minutes for the CT to be finished and for the results to be read with a clear plan of action laid out. Given how long the pressure had been building up in Alex’s brain, Derek called for him to be moved into the OR so they could cut open his skull. After the pressure had been released via several burrs, Derek prepared a drainage tube for insertion to keep things equalized while his brain was still dealing with the trauma. They left his skull more exposed while the second surgical team came in to operate on his spleen, using the additional time to relieve as much pressure as they could. Originally the second team had hoped to recover a part of his spleen to keep functioning, but with the prolonged time of Alex being pinned to the steering wheel and the couple hours it took to get his brain stable, it just wasn’t possible to save and waiting any longer put all his organs at risk of sepsis which he wouldn’t be able to battle without a spleen.

While that portion of the surgery was being taken care of, Derek scrubbed out and met back up with the now crowded waiting room, giving a little update and getting one on Jessica as well. The whole family was an anxious mess, hoping and praying that they could save Jessica and their family seemed to move from the waiting room to the surgical watch rooms, watching over Alex and Jessica. After they had finished removing Alex’s spleen, Derek returned to check on him, finishing up the final bit of his surgery before releasing him to be taken into an ICU room.

Everyone was, for the most part, back in the waiting room when Derek finally walked out in his scrubs, hand rubbing over his mouth. “Jessica has a pulse and Alex is stabilizing. Let’s all just take a deep breath knowing that. We are keeping an eye on the pressure in his skull and they have him in an induced coma to try and prevent total organ failure from any possible sepsis.” He looked over at Cam and Tristan and gave a little sigh. “You two can probably go sit with him in about ten minutes, let them get him settled in the ICU first.” With that, Derek hugged his wife before walking out to go take a couple minutes to collect himself before he got called in for another possible procedure.

[sgnsian]

* ❥   ⁝   la rouge

♡  @sgnyuna   |   “yuna ~ do you ever get tired of being yourself, sometimes?”

and this is probably something that she should not be discussing, shouldn’t even be mentioning whenever sian promised herself to move on from the events of seollal, tired of talking about it and practically exasperated of thinking about it -- but it’s moreso an aftereffect, something that came about when she reflects upon herself and her image, something that has been at the back of her mind for a while but has now come to the forefront. it also doesn’t help that she’s on her second peach margarita and she’s feeling level where she’s feelling so nice, giddy and warm, “i mean, not in like a super sad and depressing way where you wanna be someone else but like -- you’re bored with like, your image. you wanna change something up but it’s something deeper than just a new hairstyle or shoes.” because that’s the easy part, changing the material things of your image, but sian craves something more than that.

“because like, okay. i feel like right now -- you know how there’s those neighborhood oppas that are good at everything and stuff? i feel like i’m his cute little sister, and everyone sees me that way. and that was fine up until i reaaaallly thought about it. i still like being cute, but i’m a grown ass woman too! i wanna have some sex appeal, some kind of allure, you know?” she wants that je ne sais quoi that has people coming back for more, that keeps them on their toes with curiosity. and sian feels like ha yuna is the epitome of what she desires -- and she makes it look so natural, as if she was born with class when she came straight out of the womb ( and, knowing her background, that probably is true. ) in all honesty, she’s thankful that the girl has enough generosity in her heart to befriend someone like sian, even if it’s on the basis of sharing drinks together. it’s why she reaches out to capture one of the other’s palm with both of her hands, raising it between them in complete sincerity ( and alcoholic stupor ), “and you, my friend -- you are a god damn goddess in red bottom heels if i ever knew one, but you already knew that. like, even the way you pick up your glass makes me feel like i look like a baby with its first sippy cup,” and she bursts out in laughter as she releases her grip on the other, using a hand to cover the hearty sounds slipping past her lips.

“but anyways ... yeah. i tried to research on my own by googling how to gain sex appeal but it was full of worthless stuff. ‘smile more’, ‘have confidence’, ‘be yourself’; traaaash advice. i need actual steps that i can use,” she states, sticking her tongue out lightly before taking another sip of her second drink, then turning to yuna as stars swim within auburn hues, “so i was thinking that maybe you could teach me, since you are my sunbae after all? you make it look so easy and i’m a quick learner when i actually try, and well ... i adore everything about you, but i just want to learn things that i can use to be a better version of me, you know? that cutie-sexy look, if you will.” it sounds like complete opposites to her, but if some were able to make it work, sian knows that she would be able to as well -- and even moreso if yuna was there to guide her. so she finishes off with a grin that dazzles underneath the accent lighting, leaning her body in the other girl’s direction so that sian delicately bumps her shoulder. “pleeeease ~?”