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wanderinginksplot-writes · 4 months ago

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Gar Cyare Chapter Sixteen

You and Alpha prepare for an unexpected departure.

Word Count: 4,200

Warnings: Worrying, stress, impending goodbyes, mentions of past attack on Kamino, flirtation, nerves, tears, general references to the stress of living in a galaxy at war

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Burcyan (Friendship)

“Limit!” you greeted happily, setting your tray down on the surface of your lunch table. You continued to smile at him as you took a seat beside Alpha. “I thought you forgot about us.”

Limit stammered half an excuse, clearly flustered by your teasing accusation.

Alpha rolled his eyes, half-smiling to soften it. “He’s been busy.”

“I know that.” You patted Limit’s hand where it rested on top of the table. “They’ve really had you working like crazy.”

It was the truth, too. When Limit had finished taking inventory, rotating all supplies, and ordering new items during the lockdown, the Kaminoans had assigned him to work on a total reorganization of the medbay supplies. And when had that had been done, they had him teaching basic medic classes for the recruits and offering some advanced first aid courses to the ARCs-in-training.

Amid all of it, Limit had truly blossomed. You had worried about how the stress would impact him, but he had risen above it all. The troopers and cadets all adored him, and they sought him out just as much as they did Alpha. More, actually, since Limit had never shouted at anyone, as far as you were aware.

“I finally got a-away,” Limit explained with a smile, finally relaxing with your friendly touch to reassure him that you weren’t really upset.

“And I’m glad,” you admitted, taking a bite of your lunch. “I was a little worried that the Kaminoans would keep putting you to work further and further away from the general public. Working with the troopers in the medbay is really where you shine.”

There was a moment of quiet - an uncomfortable pause in a conversation that had been filled with the comfortable air of a long friendship.

Limit laughed, the sound a little too quiet to be casual. “No, no mo-more work on the inventory. It shoul-sh-... It will be good for the next fe-ew years.”

You frowned, letting your fork settle on the tray as you gave Limit a hard look. “What’s going on?”

“No-nothing,” Limit denied nervously.

“Limit,” you warned. “Something is happening. I can tell. What is it?”

“I don’t-” Limit started, giving a desperate look over at Alpha.

“Is it something bad?” You frowned, drumming your fingers on the table. “You’ve been in the medbay… Is something going on in there? Is someone hurt? Worse than normal, I mean? You never get this nervous unless it’s something really bad. Was there a training accident? Or have you heard something else? Did they find out that Dengar wasn’t the only spy?”

“Neverd’ika,” Alpha interrupted, rough fingers touching the back of your hand to draw your attention. “Udesii.”

Between the physical contact and the soothing Mando’a, you managed to stop and take a deep breath.

Alpha nodded at you approvingly, pulling slowly away from you. If there wasn’t so much danger in being seen, you would have held his hand to keep the comforting contact between you. “Limit, you should probably just tell her.”

You were instantly on-edge again. “So there is something! Tell me, Limit, please.”

Limit tried to avoid your pleading eyes, but gave in with a sigh. “The Kaminoans saw th- saw the work I did during the lo-lockdown, and they heard ab… about how I helped during the attack. They d-decided to cl- clea- They said I’ve been cleared for duty.”

You sat in stunned silence for a few seconds, trying to process everything you felt about that, but you snapped out of it when Limit peeked up at you. “Congratulations, Limit! That’s…”

“That’s great,” Alpha finished when you flagged. “Do they know where you’re going to end up?”

Limit looked nearly as grateful for Alpha’s interruption as you had been. “I’ll be in the 327th, ser-serving with General Aayla Secura.”

“Ah, you’ll be with Aftermath.” Alpha gave a satisfied sort of rumble, deep in his chest. “Good. Seems like a dependable group of vode.”

“When do you leave?” you asked, trying not to sound as close to tears as you were feeling.

From the stricken look on Limit’s face, you hadn’t succeeded. “I’ll ship out w-with the ARCs. Makes the- makes the most sense. Fewer transports.”

Your stomach dropped, and you took a bite of your lunch in an effort to disguise whatever expression your face had fallen into. The food tasted even more bland than usual, but you chewed slowly to give yourself time to think.

If Limit was leaving when the ARCs left, that only gave you a few days with him. The next ARC graduation was scheduled to take place in four days.

“Congratulations, Limit,” you offered. “It’s about time the Kaminoans recognized what a talented medic and soldier they have in you.”

Limit’s face tightened imperceptibly, as if he was also trying to hide his expression. Alpha - never one for hiding his true feelings - snorted aloud. “Not exactly what happened, little one.”

“What-?” you started, only to be distracted when a broad smile spread across Limit’s face. “If they didn’t, then..?”

“It was a group effort,” Alpha said vaguely.

You stared hard at Limit until he gave a real explanation. “Taun- Taun We received pet- peti- petitions from the captain, but also from General Ti, Commander C- Colt, and some of the ARC troopers.”

For a strange moment, you pictured Salvo and Maw going to specifically request that Limit be sent out with a battalion, but Limit clarified, “That is, some of the ARC tr- troopers from the last group.”

“Yeah, the ones who you saved from that explosion,” Alpha added. “They haven’t forgotten about that part, and neither should you.”

Limit shook his head. “Just did wha- what any man would do t-to save his brothers.”

“And that’s why you belong out there, taking care of them.”

Limit and Alpha both looked surprised at your declaration. It must have seemed like an abrupt change of your position, but you meant it. Limit was one of the best parts of Kamino, had been ever since you had met him, but there was only so much he could do in Tipoca City. He needed the chance to help more people. Who were you to be upset that he was leaving?

You smiled at them, hoping it looked natural. You were sad to see Limit go, but you never wanted him to think you weren’t happy for him. “I’m just a little sad that you won’t get your own graduation or goodbye party.”

“It’s b- better like this,” Limit assured you. “With ev-erything that’s hap- happened on Kamino lately, I’m happier thi- this way. I d-don’t want to… want to draw too much attention.”

You studied him, but he seemed to be telling the truth. “Fine. But I hope you know that I’ll want the three of us to spend as much time together as possible before you ship out.”

Limit’s smile was sudden and bright, so genuinely sincere that it made your heart ache to see it. “I c-can agree to… agree to that.”

—

You and Limit did your best to do exactly that. You ate meals together, you visited him in the medbay, and he spent one peaceful evening chatting with you and Alpha.

Through all of it, you were trying to come up with an idea for a present. Before you had left home - or even back on Coruscant - a friend leaving for an adventure like this one would be met with celebration and a gift to make sure they started their next chapter with a reminder of how deeply they were loved.

But Limit was surprisingly hard to find a present for. As a clone trooper and a medic, he had to follow strict guidelines about personal belongings and what he could expect to bring from one duty station to the next.

You had considered buying him some medical equipment - maybe a medscanner? - but discarded the idea just as quickly. Beyond the requirements about personal belongings and the fact that the 327th definitely had a medscanner, there simply wasn’t time to order anything for delivery to Kamino.

Whatever you decided on, it had to be something you already owned or something that you could make. Nothing jumped out at you from either category, and you were beyond frustrated. Time had been limited from the beginning and you were quickly running out of it. Limit would leave the day after the next, and you were no closer to an idea than you had been when you first thought of it.

Your only saving grace was that Limit did still have duties in the medbay. The Kaminoans had never been a sentimental species and they didn’t seem likely to start then. They kept Limit just as busy as he always had been, so you had time to brainstorm.

You would rather have spent time with him, of course, but you couldn’t say it wasn’t convenient.

You were on your way back to your office after a quick trip to a supply closet, muttering gift options to yourself, when a voice behind you made you jump.

“What are you talking about?”

You whirled, pressing a hand to your chest as you stared up at Alpha. “Where did you come from?”

Alpha jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “ARC training wrapped up early. They have their final test tomorrow morning, so I give ‘em the chance to do some individual practice the day before. They know where they’re struggling. Now, what’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

Alpha clearly wasn’t going to let you get away with that non-explanation, folding his arms across his chest as he continued to silently watch you.

You sighed, toying with the identification card you had taken to wearing after the Null ARC incident. “I just… I want to give Limit something when he leaves. But I can’t figure out what and I’m almost out of time.”

“You don’t-”

“Don’t tell me I don’t have to get him anything,” you interrupted hastily. “It’s a nat-born thing, I guess. But I need to make sure he has something from his friends here when he’s out in the field.”

Alpha was silent for a moment. “You didn’t get anything for the last ARCs when they graduated and everything was fine.”

“That’s different,” you dismissed. You lasted exactly eight steps before you asked, “Stars, should I have gotten them something? What if they were expecting me to-”

“No,” Alpha denied, cutting you off mid-guilty question.

Then it was his turn to be quiet. If you hadn’t known him well, you would have wondered if he wasn’t going to answer you at all, but you had spent the last few months analyzing his facial expressions and their meanings. He was thinking about something.

“I may have an idea,” he told you. “But I’ll have to be the one who sets it up. I’ll need your help at the end, but most of it will be on me. Do you trust me?”

“With my life.”

Your automatic answer made Alpha smile, the expression wide enough to crinkle the corners of his eyes. “Glad to hear it. But do you trust me with Limit’s gift?”

Part of you wanted to tease him, to wait a moment while you pretended to think about it. But you could never lie about this, even for something as minor as teasing him. “Of course I do, Alpha.”

The playful smile faded from Alpha’s face, replaced with a warm softness in his eyes. He glanced away long enough to make sure no one was around, then pulled you into a gentle keldabe.

You held the contact between his forehead and yours, letting your eyes fall shut as you breathed in the heat and scent of Alpha that surrounded you when he was this close. His nose briefly brushed yours before he pulled away.

“Give me six hours,” Alpha requested, disappearing the moment he saw your nod.

—

You woke up early for the graduation.

Alpha had been gone the night before, completing whatever set of traditions and rituals he did with each ARC group before they left, but you got a call from him as you were finishing getting dressed.

“You awake, neverd’ika?” Alpha asked.

“Almost ready, actually,” you replied, deciding not to tell him about the array of alarms you had set for that morning. “I wouldn’t be late for this.”

“Good,” he answered. “Same hangar bay as last time.”

The hangar bay in question was easy to find. You were fairly sure they used it for ARC graduations because it was on an upper level of one of the outlying stilt-cities. The location meant that the departing transport wouldn’t fly over or past anywhere else, keeping security tight and preventing any noise disturbances for the laboratories or training areas.

In any case, it was a bit of a trek to get there and you were glad that you had left early. You needed enough time to make sure Limit got his gift before the ceremony started.

Alpha had delivered on his promise, setting up most of the moving pieces for Limit’s gift before he got back to you. It had been perfect, and you had gladly finished your part that night. Since Alpha had been busy with the ARCs most of the previous day, everything needed to be finished even earlier than you had planned. You were still a little surprised that you and Alpha - mostly Alpha - had pulled it off at all.

The ARCs were gathered on one side of the large space, a little closer to the door than Alpha and Limit were. When you stepped inside, they called greetings to you.

Despite Alpha’s best efforts, the ARCs had met you and learned a little about your role on Kamino. You weren’t sure how much they knew about your relationship with Alpha, but you trusted that they all understood the stakes of secrecy.

“No one told me we were going to have a beautiful spectator,” Fives crowed. “If I had known, I would have finished the final mission even faster.”

You smiled at his outrageous flirting, shaking your head as he flexed. “We both know you like cutting it close for dramatic effect.”

“Don’t encourage him,” Salvo grumbled, giving an amused huff as Fives elbowed him in the side. “We barely finished under the time limit, and not for dramatic effect.”

“We would have been faster if someone hadn’t decided to try for the optional objective,” Maw interrupted.

Aftermath scowled. “We made it, didn’t we? And it countered the civilian casualty.”

“You guys lost a civilian?” you asked, caught between amusement and horror. It was all simulated, of course, and you knew they had passed, but that was one of the biggest point deductions a group could get.

“Not lost,” Echo clarified. “We recovered the hostage, but he was injured during exfil. Non-fatally.”

You managed to (mostly) smother your smile. “I’m glad to hear you passed. Sorry I couldn’t be there to see it.”

“We didn’t need the distraction.” To your surprise, the flirtatious remark came from Maw. You glanced at him in surprised amusement.

A deep, weary sigh sounded from behind you and then Alpha was stepping between you and the ARCs. “That’s enough of that. Say goodbye, men.”

“Bye and congratulations!” you called.

Fives ducked around Alpha’s side to shake your hand. “Nice to meet you. You’re good for him, you know.”

Fives had just tipped his head to indicate Alpha when he was grabbed by the back of the collar and peeled away from you.

“Fives,” Alpha said conversationally, “it would be shame to finish training and pass your final mission, but never make it to graduation, wouldn’t it?”

“A terrible waste of potential,” Fives agreed, having to stare upward to meet Alpha’s eyes.

“Then let’s avoid any more theatrics. It’s not worth the paperwork.” Alpha turned back to you, jerking his head toward Limit. “We need you over here.”

You frowned, but followed behind Alpha willingly enough as he led the way to where Limit was standing. That had been a little more intense than you had expected; Alpha rarely got physical with the troopers, unless they were in a training session.

As soon as Alpha stepped out of your line of vision, you understood.

Limit looked… scared. He was about as pale as you’d seen any of the troopers get. His face was drawn into tight lines of concern, and his fingers were trembling. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, as if he couldn’t bring himself to stand still for too long.

“Hey,” you greeted gently. “Big day, huh?”

Limit blinked at you in confusion and even Alpha looked a little underwhelmed at your attempt to soothe your friend.

You wracked your brain for anything that might actually help instead of sending Limit into a deeper spiral, but you doubted that talking about nerves had ever helped anyone overcome them. Instead, you decided to redirect the conversation to another course.

“I know I’ve said this before, Limit, but I’m so proud of you,” you told him, taking one of his hands in yours and giving the back of it a little pat. “When I first met you, you wouldn’t even boss Alpha around and now I’ve seen you take charge of any situation that happens in the medbay! You’ve come so far, and I’m glad you’re going to have the chance to keep growing.”

In an interesting reversal, Limit’s face had gone from pale to almost painfully red. Some of the effect was negated by the deep tan of his skin, but he was clearly embarrassed by your praise. But embarrassed was better than nervous, wasn’t it?

“I d- don’t know about tha- about that,” he protested weakly.

“It’s true, though,” you countered. “You’ve helped most people on Kamino at this point. It just makes sense that you’d need to branch out to a whole battalion.”

“But…” Limit looked away, drawing a deep breath as he did. In a voice almost too low for you to hear, he admitted, “This will b- will be my first t-time off of- off- being away from Kamino. I’m a little w- worr- worried.”

You softened, doing your best not to aww aloud. Thankfully, Alpha interrupted before you could.

With a hand on Limit’s shoulder, he said, “You’ll be fine, kid.”

Limit visibly relaxed. For half a second, you were offended at how Alpha’s four words had a greater effect than your speech had, but you smiled warmly at your boyfriend a moment later. He had such an influence on these men - how could you begrudge him for connecting with them?

“But we have something for you,” you told him, eyeing Alpha in hopes that he wouldn’t mind you being the one to reveal it. “We want to make sure you get it before you go.”

“Some-something?” Limit repeated, brow furrowing in confusion. “For m- me?”

You went to retrieve the gift from where Alpha had left it leaning against a nearby wall, but it was heavier than you expected. You huffed inelegantly as you lugged it back over to where Alpha and Limit were standing.

Limit accepted the gift easily enough that you felt foolish for struggling as hard as you had. Alpha had covered it with a rough piece of fabric, but Limit unwrapped it like the cloth was something precious. When he could clearly see it, he frowned, glancing between you and Alpha with growing befuddlement.

“A chestplate?” he asked, thumbs stroking over the white plastoid. “I w-was already issued one when I… when I got my orders. I’m sorry.”

Alpha chuckled - a real, warm chuckle, unlike the sardonic laugh he sometimes gave in response to ARC-in-training silliness. “Turn it over, vod.”

Limit did, and you watched his eyes go wide. You knew what he was seeing: in the greenish-yellow of his new battalion was a kar’ta beskar - a Mandalorian Iron Heart.

Surrounding it were handprints, multicolored and multi-directional. Some of them overlapped due to the limited space on the inside of the chestplate, but all were clearly visible. Each one was painstakingly painted the exact color of the corresponding trooper’s battalion. Alpha’s handprint was near the top, painted in black. Your handprint was its mirror image, but in emerald green.

“Who-?” Limit started, his voice breaking before he could finish the question. Limit’s eyes were bright with tears and you lost the fight against your own as he glanced from you to Alpha.

Alpha tugged you to his side, his hand finding yours unerringly. “Ours, of course. The kids. The last ARC class. Just some of the people you’ve helped. The first of many, I’d assume.”

Limit nodded a few times, swallowing hard before he spoke. “And th- the blue?”

You frowned, taking a step closer to look at the inside of the armor. Sure enough, there was a thin brushstroke tracing the outline of the chestplate, painted in a deep and vivid blue.

Alpha grunted. “Learn your heritage, vod. Everything means something to the Mandos. Even colors.”

“I’ll learn,” Limit promised.

“Can you explain it now?” you pried. “I want to know, too. And someone hasn’t gotten to that point in Mando’a lessons yet.”

Alpha looked exasperated and you scowled at him. “Are you seriously telling me that it was more important to teach me how to curse in Mando’a than to explain that there’s a color language?”

“Not a language,” Alpha corrected. “Symbolism. Blue is reliable.”

Limit’s breath caught, but you nodded. “Reliable is the perfect way to describe you, Limit. We all rely on you. And I’m not sure what we’re going to do without you.”

“The general is coming,” Maw warned, ducking back into the room. You hadn’t realized that the ARCs were paying attention to anything other than their own conversation, but your little group had their full attention.

Limit looked scared, and you stepped forward to wrap him in a tight hug. He melted into it, hugging you just as tightly in return. When you let go, Alpha stepped forward to offer him a handshake.

“You’ll be amazing, Limit,” you told him.

A hand came down on Limit’s shoulder. You glanced up to find Aftermath offering Limit a nod. Aftermath turned to you. “I’ll keep an eye out for him, ma’am.”

“Thank you,” you managed through a throat that had gone tight.

Shaak Ti and Commander Colt swept into the room and the ARCs fell into a neat line. Limit came to stand beside you. You put a hand on his back only to find that Alpha’s was already there, offering silent support from Limit’s other side. With a slight adjustment, you pressed your palm slightly lower.

The ARC graduation passed in a blur. It followed much of the same format as the previous one you had attended. You weren’t sure how Shaak Ti found the time to learn so much about each man and his strengths and weaknesses, but they seemed to be true.

When each man had been given his kama and was congratulated by their general, commander, and captain, they headed for the ship.

“Limit,” Shaak Ti greeted, stopping in front of him.

Limit’s spine straightened. “General.”

“You have been a shining example of duty and brotherhood for as long as I have known you,” she told him warmly. “I look forward to seeing the wonders you work for your brothers in the outside galaxy.”

“Yes, Gen- General,” Limit agreed, cheeks slightly reddened.

Colt clapped him on the shoulder. “Best head for the ship, vod. And if you need anything, I’m only a comm away.”

Limit nodded. “Thank you, Commander.”

Colt smiled, following Shaak Ti from the room as Limit turned back to you and Alpha. “I do- don’t know how I can… how I can thank you-”

“So don’t,” Alpha interrupted. “There are some debts too big for words. But at least these go both ways.”

Limit nodded, giving a quick salute. Alpha returned it while you offered a sad wave, and then Limit was gone.

The ship had long since disappeared into the distance when Alpha finally spoke.

“Are you going to be okay, neverd’ika?”

“I think so,” you said, offering a tight smile. “It’s never going to get easier, is it? Knowing there are people out there in the galaxy who I can’t keep safe.”

“No,” Alpha confirmed, voice not unkind. “It never does get easier, little one. All you can do is trust that they know how to look after themselves. And, if it comes down to it, that they gave their lives for something greater than themselves.”

That made you shed a few more tears and Alpha pulled you in for a hug. When he spoke, it rumbled through you in a way that managed to be just as comforting as the hug itself. “I’m sorry. What can I do?”

“Are you done for the day?” you asked, leaning your chin on his chest to look up at him. Alpha nodded, and you hugged him a little tighter. “Can we go back to my quarters? I just want to hold you for a while. Is that okay?”

“That sounds perfect,” Alpha agreed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

---

Author's Note - I didn't want to get too deep in the weeds about how Alpha pulled it off, but I feel like it could stand to be explained: I imagine Alpha contacted the original ARCs and had them send an image of their hand. Alpha then would have brought it back to full-size, projected it onto the inside of the chestplate, traced the outlines, and painted them with the correct colors. (I can't fully explain without giving away personally identifiable information, but I can verify that this works, both with painting and woodcarving specific designs onto a surface.)

Anyway! Sorry about Limit. I've written one-shots of him with the 327th, so I knew this was going to happen eventually. Still hurts, though. Thank you for reading!

#gar cyare #gar cyare fic #captain alpha 17 #alpha 17 #alpha 17 fic #alpha 17 x reader #alpha 17 x you #reader insert #reader insert fic #star wars #star wars the clone wars #star wars republic commando #star wars legends #star wars fanfiction #clone oc limit #limit #clone oc aftermath #aftermath

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gabrielsbubblegumbitch · 8 months ago

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Charlie's corruption arc ✨😈

aka Broken Crown AU inspired by this post because I’ve been thinking about it intensively. So, I believe Charlie's villain arc would start with a great feeling of relief. Imagine: it's been a week since the final battle; it's been a week when Charlie hasn't been able to sleep at night. Others think she's still grieving, but the truth is different. Every night, Charlie cannot fall asleep because she's trying to cope with the relief she felt the second Adam died. She was the one who at first stopped Lucifer from finishing him, just because killing Adam didn't seem right. But when Niffty actually did it, despite everything, it felt right. It felt good.

After weeks (months?) of looking for a way to stop Adam from committing genocide against her people, after being bullied and humiliated by him, after witnessing how an unjust system enabled his despicable actions while ruthlessly punishing others for far lesser crimes, she finally, for the first time, felt like she had any agency. Just like that, her loved ones were finally safe. They could all breathe again, and all it took was a small act of violence against the person who fully deserved it. This realization changes her. While she doesn't intend to do such things in the future, she can no longer deny that exercising brutal power can be the best solution when dealing with certain kinds of people. This is the very first thing she hides from Vaggie. Not because she's scared of her judgment but because these ideas are so against her own moral values it is simply scary to put them into words.

Maybe I would be capable of killing someone in cold blood. Maybe I'll have to do it one day.

But Adam's dead, so they are safe, right? And she won't ever have to make a choice like that again. That's some reassurance.

And then, Niffty is killed by Lute. Just like that—Lute teleports to Hell by night and slaughters her in revenge because why wouldn't she? Who would have stopped her?

It obviously hits everyone hard—they just lost another friend. But Alastor? Alastor loses his fucking mind. He goes completely feral, yelling at Charlie and blaming her for everything.

What kind of incompetent fool shows their enemy mercy and lets them live long enough to get vengeance? I cannot believe I thought you could be a competent leader. You are just a fucking child. You are all a bunch of idiots.

Charlie goes through a complete meltdown because she knows he's right. If she had the guts to finish Lute or at least asked Vaggie or Lucifer to do so, Niffty would be alive. She's crying, choking on tears; she feels like a hopeless failure, but Alastor does not give her a break. He seems so infuriated she thinks he would kill her. Fortunately, Lucifer and Vaggie intervene. Lucifer puts Alastor back in his place by essentially beating the shit out of him. Vaggie takes Charlie out to calm her down. She insists that if it's anyone's fault, it's hers because she was the one who spared Lute, but Charlie knows that it's a lie. Vaggie would have killed Lute if not for Charlie's convictions. She fails, and she fails all over again, and it seems like she can't escape the evil. It's her responsibility to face it on equal terms. Otherwise, she won't be able to protect her loved ones.

After this incident, both Lucifer and Vaggie insist on kicking Alastor out of the hotel. He's too dangerous, too unpredictable. We can't allow him to treat you like this. We don't even need him anymore; there's nothing an Overlord can do that the King of Hell can't.

But that's not the truth. There's something Alastor can do that Lucifer can't: play the game. And now, grieving another of her friends, Charlie realizes she needs a teacher if she wants to stop pieces.

I have like 0 time to write the proper fic but I had to get these out of my system because holy shit I love coming up with elaborate plots I'm not able to execute. Maybe talking about it will somehow scratch the itch.

Also tagging @purrpleowl because she expresses her interest in this idea.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel au #charlie morningstar #vaggie #alastor #lute hazbin hotel #lute #lucifer #lucifer hazbin hotel #broken crown au #niffty

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blues-valentine · 1 year ago

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HSMTMTS: Ricky’s story arc as told by his songs. From I Think I Kinda You Know to Love You Forever (Part 2).

I’ve been thinking about how every song Ricky has performed on the show (my focus will be mostly on the original songs) tell us what his journey has been in the course of the show.

Ricky’s journey has been about changes and the future, leaving his childhood behind, how his parents relationship affects his own as well as the ability to be emotionally open. How he viewed love at the start of the show vs how he views love now. About new starts. About how happiness is a process and something he also needs to create for himself. And his songs reflect this journey very well. For this post. I'll focus on Season 1 and Season 2 for Part 1.

Read Part 1

As a continuation to my analysis on Ricky and the songs narrating his journey on the series. I mentioned how Season 2 closes part of Ricky’s arc with Second Chance. A song that in Ricky’s side talks about moving on after a relationship ends (Nini) and finding new beginnings. He also finishes the season saying he isn’t sure of who he is yet but it’s getting towards happiness. He had understood to an extent a lot of things and how he reacted to them wasn’t healthy for himself and those people in his life. Season 3 opens a new chapter for Ricky to start again but as an improved version of himself. It is his “second chance” in all capacities, which is why I said (x) Season 3 feels like a new start and by putting Ricky in similar situations but having him deal with it differently will show how much he has grown from his past mistakes and fears.

And before we start we have to mention the Lily story line. I think it was clearly a plot device to get to some realization. Ricky thought Lily was a good person that just needed some friends. And he saw an opportunity for something new. But the storyline simply fell flat and it made it seem like an useless rebound instead of giving Ricky (and the audience) a satisfactory arc. She was a copy of Gina 1.0 and I believe Ricky was trying to see Gina in her, and a lot of their parallels (x) feel intentional. And we know by now nothing about Rina is done carelessly. I remember Tim Federle’s interview for the finale saying Ricky is sometimes too naive for his own good. And I am sure the story line was going to make sense but as confirmed by Tim himself a lot of the things in Season 2 were rushed and the finale was rewritten (it was originally going to feature a lot of flashbacks) but the safety precautions due to covid changed those plans. Regardless, I am glad that arc got removed. Lily wasn’t an interesting character and I didn’t want her to take space from other characters. Now, with that out of the way, let’s move on.

Ricky opens this season as well as being given the first song of the season: Finally Free. This song really expands on Second Chance and tell us where Ricky’s mindset is before going to camp: embracing new starts, not going back to the old ways he used to handle all his feelings.

Some important parts: “Give me empty pages, just give me something new” Season 1 Ricky would’ve never wished for something like this. “Breakin' away from the broken hearts (Nini). No more mistakes, no more empty starts (Lily). I'm finally, finally free, finally, finally”. He follows with “Buildin' out from the bottom. Now there's no way to go but up” meaning he has to rebuild himself again. And another one that is important is: “And I'm going down a road that I don’t know. Yeah, I let it take me anywhere but home”. This takes us back to him calling Nini home (at his childhood home) on Season 2 in a matter that felt like attachment to his childhood (and old times) so this references him not going back to that unhealthy mindset.

In a way, all the events that happened lead for Ricky to have this realization. This is the Ricky that could’ve been ready to be with Gina. But Season 1 and Season 2 Ricky wasn’t ready for that and was denying it, when he allows himself to not be afraid of changes, his feelings take a whole new perspective. This is why he is able to understand his feelings for Gina were always deeper than he allowed himself to admit before. And very fitting with the theme, Ricky and Gina vow to just “start over” with their relationship. This season is not just about Ricky rebuilding himself but his relationship with Gina as well.

This season doesn’t have as many solo songs due to the limited episodes, but did a good job in paralleling the overall arc with the roles they were playing for the musical, especially with the “love triangle” (x). Gina represents Anna’s naive perspective on love due to EJ being her first relationship so a lot of her interactions with him felt very rose colored and passive (x). I did said before EJ isn’t exactly Hans but they drew a lot of intentional parallels between them, such as Gina not knowing EJ’s real name (and that line being in the WDYKAL duet about Hans). Ricky representing Kristoff in a way that he is also learning a new way to love someone. Plus, them having Gina and EJ dress like the actual characters in a dream like sequence was very much in the nose about those references.

In this season, Ricky is starting to discover the intensity of his feelings for Gina but he handles it very differently from Season 1. He isn’t trying to cross lines but remaining respectful of her relationship with EJ. I already spoke about how this is an intentional contrast to showcase Ricky’s growth (x). From trying to help both of them, from apologizing to Gina when he feels like his feelings might’ve been too obvious. To selflessly be there for Gina, because he is now discovering love isn’t selfish or has some gain. Love is about sacrifice, sometimes putting the person you love first despite what might come.

Now, here it comes Ricky and Gina’s first duet: What Do You Know About Love. It seems fitting for them because in a way, it reflects how they perceive love at that moment. In the song Anna has a very rose colored perception of love. She thinks it’s worth it even when they clearly aren’t on the same page and she’s idealizing it, and for Kristoff, love isn’t easy, and it requieres a lot of commitment. Ricky and Gina’s version is a lot more flirtier than the Broadway version, but the question “what do you know about love?” is what they ultimately learn from each other.

In the following episodes, Ricky helps Gina plan her promposal to EJ, despite his own feelings. I saw someone saying that a lot of Gina’s season 2 heartbreak was about thinking it was never going to be between her and Ricky. And a lot of Ricky’s heartbreak on Season 3 comes from regret, from letting Gina walk away, from letting something great slip through his fingers. At this point, he can’t turn back time but it’s willing to be there for her in any capacity Gina allows him to be. In the 60’s prom episode, Ricky could’ve told her what he feels for her but realized that it would be selfish to do this to Gina when she’s harboring her own heartbreak. His own growth has been great to watch throughout Season 3.

I also love how Ricky’s sub-plot involving the bucket list he wrote when he was a child of things to do before turning 18 is a metaphor to leaving his childhood and entering adulthood. I already spoke (x) how Nini being the person to help him complete his very last item represents how Nini was his childhood and him only ever getting with Gina when that transition has been done is very important for him as a character.

And this isn’t a Ricky solo, but I just love how this moment and this lyrics are used exactly for this scene because this is the moment Gina realizes it’s always going to be Ricky and what also makes her realize that she isn’t getting the love she deserves or wants for herself with EJ.

As all of us theorized, with WDYKAL, Ricky was going to sing “Kristoff’s Lullaby” because is a direct response to the duet. And he did. This is probably his most important solo song from the season because it puts into words what he feels for Gina and how much she has changed what he thinks about love. I’ve explained this before. (x) Gina has represented change from the very moment she came in (and she was described as such multiple times). She was new, different, and represented the changes Ricky was afraid of. But what they didn’t know is that they are able to give each other what the other needs. Gina made him put into perceptive the idea that he can move forward, that he can deal with his life falling into different directions. Gina has made him understand that he can and will be ready for when changes knock at his door because loving her isn’t about holding back.

Important parts from the song are: “You light the world for me. You live life fearlessly, braver than the bravest of us do. You trust, you hope, you dare. You choose to feel and care. I thought that I was strong 'til I bumped into you” I think this is the perfect way to describe Gina’s effect on Ricky’s life and how brave Gina has been about her feelings for Ricky despite her fear about forming attachments. And I’ve always said “Everything I thought I did. You've gone and changed it, kid. You're what I know about love.” is really the climax of the song and by Ricky singing this directly to Gina (while Nini is also on the audience) is makes a full circle. (x)

This season, Ricky learned to love theater and commit to it, not just because he enjoys it but because he wanted Gina to shine. He created a good friendship with the group, as opposed to Season 2, where he was disconnected to the drama club he now has his own space within. He called himself “a theater guy” and was able to guide Jet towards it. He knew Jet had to find a place to help him cope with his home life and Ricky’s arc comes to a sweet full circle for this.

Ricky ends the season in such a good place. He has grown a lot and allowed things to just be. I like the fact he remained respectful of Gina, even when his feelings were quiet obvious. And I spoke about how important it is that their relationship started by Gina setting her own boundaries. She needed to set the lines and be like “I have feelings for you but I am also okay if it doesn’t happen between us” because a lot of Gina’s journey on Season 3 was about coming into herself and discovering her expectations in a relationship. Her telling him what she feels for him but not allowing it to weight her down and it being a parallel to 206 was also intentional. It was also important for Ricky. He needed that reassurance and initiative to finally give it his all. As he proves on Season 4, he knows and now learned his lesson. He is committed to not mess things up with her. He is committed to improve.

Season 3 ends with Ricky and Gina’s right time. Both on the same page. It was important for them to experience all of that individual journey to get together in a romantic relationship that can be fulfilling and healthy for them both.

Season 4 starts the season with Ricky and Gina in a very happy relationship. You can see that Ricky is motivated to share things with her and do things for them as a couple. A lot of Ricky and Gina’s relationship works because they embrace each other’s personalities and love languages. Gina encourages and reciprocates Ricky’s dorky behavior. As I said, she doesn’t feel suffocated by it like Nini (x) but she wants that level of commitemment and gestures.

At the start of the season, Ricky and Gina are keeping their relationship a secret because Gina is worried about the negative comments from people (mostly her mom) and she doesn’t want the bubble they’ve built together to crash. It’s understandable that we know how controlling her mom is. Ricky agrees despite his own fears. In the first episodes, we can see that a lot is changing for Gina in a way that might take her away from Ricky. This is an opportunity for him to be tested by old insecurities but make it right and not going back to his old tendencies. So, instead of trying to hold Gina back and wishing for the opportunities to disappear, he is happy, encouraging and supportive despite the odds. This thing is reflected in their very first original duet and song of the season: Maybe This Time.

It’s a song about hoping this is the right time for them to get it right after all of the missed opportunities between them and their old relationships. They’re finally in a place where they can be together but as foreshadowing for the season a lot of things are going to change and threaten the stable place they’ve created. But not matter what the future holds they promise to be together and enjoy the ride instead of trying to control the uncertain future.

Part of the lyrics: “Maybe this time is all that we get but we've still got lots to figure out. I’d love to control what happens next I'll give you my all right now. Don't look back, just pull me closer. Hands up on this rollercoaster”. I explained (x) but having Ricky and Gina deal with similar experiences in their past relationships is to not just show how much they’ve grown and learned but also to show how committed they are to be together and be with each other as a team.

In 403, Ricky experiences a bit of insecurities over Mack but despite that he prepares a date with Gina and also apologizes for the comment he made where he sort of dismissed the impact Mack’s show had on Gina’s childhood. It might have been silly but I think it shows Ricky’s self awareness and that he takes seriously all of the things that make Gina happy. In the following episodes, Ricky tries to be supportive of Gina’s life changing opportunities and trying to find a way to make it easier for her to handle both the musical and the movie, but it starts getting a bit too overwhelming and when he finds out Gina hasn’t told her mom about them, it awakens his insecurities. This is where Speak Out comes. Although it is supposed to be for EJ to also speak about his fears, it’s about how Ricky hasn’t said some things out loud, how his mom abandonment issues have created a lot of fears into his life and has made him feel like he isn’t enough of a reason for someone to stay.

Part of the lyrics are: “I'm so sick of my past breakin' me like glass shackled by my emotion.” (…) “Don't wanna walk away from this. Don't wanna be a sinkin' ship. The anchor on my tongue won't let me swim. Don't wanna waste a moment more. Don't know what I've been waitin' for. I'll never get a chance like this again.”

I think this moment was an outlet for Ricky to speak about things that are the root of his insecurities. How his mom decided she wanted a new life in a new city and left Ricky. How Nini didn’t think Ricky was enough for her and even how emotionally difficult it must’ve been for him to hear The Rose song and how Ricky’s entire attempts makes her feel trapped. The reason Ricky was running away is because he thought Gina was also going to leave him for bigger and better things and didn’t want to anticipate it. He never thought he is enough of a reason to stay because frankly, no one had really taken Ricky seriously or believed in his potential, except for Miss Jenn and Gina.

After that much needed conversation with EJ, Ricky goes to see Gina only to see her with Mack. I feel like in Ricky’s mind, he feels like she decided and he’s nothing compared to him. Luckily, Gina sees him and runs after him and tells him she has told his mom about them. I feel like people don’t understand that since a lot of Ricky’s fears have to do with him feeling like he isn’t good enough to be a secure option he doesn’t except people to actually chose him. In his relationship with Gina, he puts efforts but so does Gina for him. She wants him in her life and in her dreams. He isn’t an obstacle or stops her from achieving those dreams, he’s always been a motivation for Gina to pursue them.

In the last episodes, there’s still so many things Ricky has to address, not just about Gina but his college plans and their future. At this point, he has convinced himself that Gina most likely will go to chase her dreams and that it doesn’t involve him. He learned his lesson before, he told Nini he wanted her to stay only for that to be reasonably met with distaste. But the thing is, all of Ricky’s gestures where always meant to be received by Gina, who wants to be asked to stay. I explained this before. Had Ricky asked Gina to stay, she would have done it. But I love how she didn’t have to chose between her need for stability and her wants to be successful.

407 is great at paralleling Troy and Gabriela’s dilemma with Ricky and Gina’s very own issues. “Scream” comes at the moment Ricky is torn between letting Gina go and his unclear future. He feels time is running out. Later, we have them singing Right Here Right Now, a song about how the future is coming soon and they should make every second last. In a way, it also parallels Maybe This Time but less hopeful.

And as an expectacular full circle moment, Ricky says in his speech how thankful he is about the drama club changing his life and getting him through a hard situation. As of Season 1, Ricky came in being a cynical skate rat that didn’t seem to have many friends and was pessimist about love. It didn’t seem like he had hobbies or prospects outside of skating. He had a very troubling home life and dealing with a lot of anxiety. His relationship with Nini was in the verge of ending like his parents relationship and so were his last remainders of childhood. He had to let go of things that were holding him back and accepting of changes and by the end of Season 4 we have seen Ricky become a man in so many ways. He basically let his childhood go by the end of Season 3. And this final season was about him asking questions about his own future and how that would look like for him.

And we are finally here with “Love You, Forever”. The last song Ricky Bowen ever sings on the show and how perfect of a full circle moment it is for his growth. It starts and it ends in the same place: the auditorium. Just in very different situations and a whole new Ricky.

He starts Season 1 singing “I Think I Kinda You Know” to Nini but being unable to say I love you to her face or in front of people. Mostly because his own insecurities involving his parents and how he wasn’t secure enough. I also said that when he finally did say I love you, it was still swimming in his fears of attachment and his parents divorce. It was a confession that felt like desperation to hold onto something steady and safe. And he does say this with “not net, not fear, right here in this moment”. But now, Ricky sings Love You Forever to Gina, and this time very clearly saying the words “I am in love” and “I love you” to her face and in front of his friends (and the world). He say it because he not longer associates love with something scary and that’s also thanks to Gina. He isn’t saying it to Gina to make her stay either. He is saying it because he feels it. He doesn’t know what the future holds (at that point he didn’t even know Gina changed the movie location to SLC) but he loves her and he isn’t afraid of saying it despite the unknown circumstances.

The lyrics says it all: “I been wishin' on a fallin' star for too long. I been runnin', I don't know what from but you and I've become a sacred kinda home. I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love and I know it. No net, no fear right here in this moment. I've never been more sure of what I got, yeah. Cause this is so much more than puppy love, so. I'll say it first, no matter what the cost. Here I am, full heart, full stop. I love you” and one important lyric that didn’t make it to the show but is in the full version: “I never knew that I could feel so sure and so strong how can three old words feel so brand new? Ooh, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love and I know it. Mm, so rare, so real right here in this moment. I've never been more sure of what I got. And I'm starin' at the only thing I want, so” because as I said, it’s not just about him saying I love you to Gina and being sure about it but to tell his parents and his friends. Gina’s love has made Ricky so much more emotionally open.

I would describe Ricky’s journey like this:

Season 1: Attachement, fear of changes and sticking to the status quo. Season 2: Denial, isolation, reconning and letting go. Season 3: embracing new beginnings, self improvement and passage to adulthood. Season 4: Growing, learning and embracing the future.

Ricky’s arc has always been incredible because it’s something that took time and effort. Ricky’s arc wasn’t a 180 of one season, it came with ups and downs until he finally managed to do it right not just for himself but for those he loves.

#hsmtmts #high school musical the musical the series #gina porter #ricky bowen #ricky x gina #rina #hsmtmts season 4 #hsmtmts s4 #hsmtmts rina #text post #meta #hsmtmts meta

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llamasofchaos · 1 year ago

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Currently rereading tmbs series and I just finished the second book and I have feelings about Reynie's arc in this book.

I saw someone refer to his arc in this book as his emo phase and while I find that a hilarious description I feel like it oversimplified his journey to trusting people especially adults again. In the first book Reynie is very isolated, his only friend/source of comfort or outlet is Ms. Perminal. He is denied being put somewhere he could thrive and fit in because the orphanage gets more money based on how many kids they have.

Reynie doesn't know this but he still doesn't really trust anyone other than Ms. Perminal. But he also looks for the good in people. Once he is at the academy and the kids keep getting surprises thrown in their faces they feel off balance and betrayed. Reynie especially suffers because he has to endure Dr. Curtain's manipulation while also trying to see through it and be a voice of reason for his friends. After they leave the academy Reynie is very wary of people and doubts that the good people outnumber the bad.

Because of this his entire arc throughout the second book is him trying to figure out who he can trust and how to trust people again. He doubts captain Noland (which in his defense does act super strange and shady with him about the diamond) and we see how he is utterly shaken when it comes to be able to trust an adult to help him or his friends.

One moment that stands out to me is when Milligan says that Reynie can trust him. Reynie tells Milligan he knows and in his head think that he is one of few he can trust.

Like poor Reynie, he looks for the good in people but one of his core beliefs has been challenged and he doesn't know how to cope . Like can you imagine how Milligan would have reacted if Reynie had said Milligan was one of the few. Milligan met Reynie before everything happened and I do believe it would shock and sadden him to hear how little Reynie trusts people now.

This book also introduces Reynie's difficulty trusting people with his struggles especially in leadership. Like when he is trying to decide what they need to tell captain Noland and his moment of fear of making the wrong choice. I do love that when he despairs over possibly making the wrong choice he finally has Mr. Benedict (the person who has always told him he can lead) there to help ground and comfort him.

Ugh I just love this series and these characters, especially Reynie and I will always be sad that the show changed the story because the second book is literally so good and it sets up so many different things that happen in the next two books both for the overarching plot and wonderful character development for all of the kids.

#llama rants #tmbs #tmbs books #reynie muldoon #nicholas benedict #milligan wetherall #I love this series so much and Disney changed so much it makes me sad #reynie muldoon feels everything with his whole heart and you have to respect him for that

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911firefox · 2 years ago

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6.11

(I just finished it seconds ago so sorry if I get any details wrong)

Just as I was starting, twitter notif recced a 911 tweet. I don't go near 911 twitter so who knows why. Anyway, they were angry that Eddie wasn't in the dream and I found that weird. It's about how Buck changed their lives so of course Eddie isn't there. We *know* without Buck he would have been lost.

Eddie was his first real world memory. His annoyance at the suggestion that he went up a ladder without a spotter because *clearly* he had Eddie was obvious imo.

His next real world memory, the only thing he noticed from was a ferris wheel. Christopher and the tsunami. Showing us his 'loving family' in the alt world but the glaring problem is Christopher isn't there. His son.

And then what happened to 'Firefighter Diaz' and his son. Of course that makes sense. Angry Eddie, Eddie in the being struggled with his emotions and has no partner to turn to and open up. No Carla because Buck introduced them. An ugly custody battle with his parents because there was no Buck to help him through and do what Buck has always down. Christopher being raised by his grandparents, like Eddie specifically told Buck he never wanted.

Eddie's worst nightmares coming true because Buck wasn't there to have his back like they promised.

And then he's trying to leave his dream, it's Christopher he has to flatly deny and run from. Why? Because he knows that Christopher (and finding Eddie) is the thing that he could lose himself in and keep him there. His parents? No way, he liked seeing that version of him but he realised he didn't need it if he's OK with being himself. Buck even notes he'll feel guilty from the flat no. He *knows* they are his family with the real pull.

Arguably, it's easier to used Christopher to symbolise it because the father figure role came so naturally. It's not scary to take on but admitting Eddie is so much more *is* terrifying and that's why Christopher is a far safer avatar to symbolise the Buckley-Diaz family.

I know people got their hopes up about the couch stuff and this is a good reminder that speculation fun isn't a promise. And his parent make sense with the plot even if I do nor like them.

Eddie and Chris will absolutely be vital, Buck's PTSD makes sense to be Buck and Eddie contect because Eddie had his own PTS arc last year.

So, yeah, these are my initial reaction thoughts before I've seen any posts at all. Interested to see what everyone else thinks but yeah.

Also Eddie breaking the rules because Chris's bond with Buck is so important? Yes, thank you, we love to see it.

#6.11 #911 spoilers #911 season 6 spoilers

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buckevantommy · 2 years ago

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Sorry do you hate marvel or not? You reblogged a gif set from moon knight, that straight up nonsense show, saying they should give a show to one of the supporting characters? You know if you hate marvel media you can just not watch it right

marvel needs to die a fiery death.

i love stucky but the studio either queerbaited or was clueless or queerphobic plus steve's endgame made no sense. i love rdj's tony stark but he deserved better. they sexualised natasha to the nth degree rather than let scarjo work her drama muscles then killed her off rather than let her retire. moon knight was a mess but it was heartwrenching and different and oscar isaac deserves an award for that portrayal and i have a crush on layla and think may would crush a solo show - an egyptian superhero! (sidenote: i watched hawkeye recently and hated it but the deaf woc who got a redemption arc is getting her own show which is great).

i can care about characters and still hate their treatment - I'm an spn fan, it's second nature for me.

one of the many problems with the mcu is they're churning out multiple shows and movies per year which means they're not giving time to flesh out characters and plots like they deserve to be but it ALSO means a lot of eyes are on them bc when you crank out that much content in this day and age you HAVE to give diverse representation so we're seeing more and more poc characters in shows and on the big screen thanks to the mcu - eternals, shang-chi, moon knight, ms marvel, echo, blue beetle - and yes the mcu's diverse rep is problematic bc they care more about flash than substance and more about algorithms than grounded characterisations but you can't deny that the mcu has helped bring diverse casting into mainstream media. the worst company you know did a good thing, or however the saying goes. think back to the first avenger movies and how whitebred supermodel cishet they were. but thanks to societal influence and the changing of times, it became a necessity to have more poc characters in the mcu. the audience expected it.

however when it comes to queer rep, we've seen a lot more racially and bodily diverse casting and poc characters than we have queer characters. the first onscreen gay kiss took 26 movies and happened in Eternals, and other queer characters have been blink and you'll miss it moments or throwaway lines many viewers don't realise signified queer characters and instead misinterpreted those comments as humour or commentary. we've had a few queer side characters (negasonic x yukio, ayo x aneka, valkyrie, korg) but we're to yet to see a main queer character - and regardless of intention or comic book canon, throwaway lines, possible flirting, and jokes do not qualify as queer rep imho. so loki, deadpool, and tony stark don't count. it has to be explicit and undeniable, not catered to queerphobes so they can easily misinterpret.

but my point is: the mcu is a powerhouse that's been dominating the superhero genre and blockbuster charts for two decades, and from their success they've bet big in planning and putting into production dozens of shows and movies set to be released over the next decade. and that is a terrifying thought. they can't predict the future but they're trying to create content to fit a world that hasn't come into being yet. they're already behind the times on queer rep so i dont have high hopes for whatever they have coming queer-rep wise. but aside from that, their storytelling has become trite and so convoluted that they trade sense for the surprise factor. they're writing characters and plots to fit algorithm parameters like someone trying to say every buzzword in their work presentation. just look at Quantumania: a mess from start to finish in plot, dialogue, characterisations, not to mention stilted acting from a cast forced to act the majority of the film on greenscreen with no physical interactions to ground their performances.

i could go on and on but this post would get long and i'm no expert I'm just your average viewer and tumblr user looking for plots that make sense in stories i want to enjoy because i care about (or want to care about) the characters. if only the mcu cared as much about their characters as they do about big budget seizure inducing interdimensional battle scenes. as for genuine queer rep: maybe in 3 years we'll see a pair of same-sex lips gentle colliding like two pale coconuts. or maybe the mcu will crash and burn (or fizzle out) long before then.

i wanna be done with their stranglehold on the genre since they can't even produce decent shit these days. i want all the strikes going on atm to see creative teams get what they're owed. i want the next dozen mcu productions to flop so they realise they're not hot shit anymore. i want the streamer service upheaval to screw over their longterm plans. i want viewers and bloggers and journalists to call them out for being like the very villains they set up for their heroes to defeat - villains who want to control the cinematic universe, kill off competition, and screw over anyone they consider beneath them.

so yes, i hate the mcu. but there are characters i care about, and plots i wish were done better. but that's why fanfiction exists.

#anti marvel #anti mcu #.txt #diverse characters #queer characters #representation matters #lgbtqia

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deaniewithalittleweanie · 1 year ago

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About that one fic I wrote

Back in 2020/2021, I wrote a fic called The Theory of Attraction. It is now the most popular fic I still have attached to my name on ao3. Mostly, it was met with good reception, and I still have people who reach out to me here to compliment it. That being said, it was the most controversial fic I have ever released. I never had to moderate a comment section before that fic. It's not moderated anymore, because the hype died down, but today, it got its first comment in a while, and it was....very mean lol. So, this tumblr post is basically me pulling back the curtains and talking very candidly about this fic and why it was written. Major spoilers for the fic below the cut and TW for discussion of substance abuse.

So, when I started TTOA, I wanted to write a second chance romance, enemies/FWBs to lovers Destiel fic. I made it an office AU as well. It started pretty harmless, but right in the first chapter, something happened. Without any prior planning, I made Castiel an alcoholic. You might think that was the controversial part of this fic, but it actually wasn't. Stay tuned. Anyway, very quickly I realized this was a story primarily about addiction. Here's where some bare-naked truth comes in.

At the time of writing this fic, I was deep, DEEP into substance abuse myself, and very vehemently denying it too. I was about midway through writing TTOA when I made the realization about myself and had a short breakdown over it. So as I was writing about Castiel's recovery, I was in active addiction myself and attempting to get clean, which did not happen until long after I had finished writing the fic (will be two years clean on July 31, 2023).

So, that's why the fic was written. It was my subconscious absolutely screaming at me to get help. I attribute my motivation to get clean to that fic, so obviously, it's very special to me. I will not orphan it or delete it unless something terrible happens and I have no other choice.

Now, if you've read the fic, you know exactly why it's controversial. I used a trope that to this day, I still do not like. I didn't like it when I wrote it, but I used it for a reason.

Towards the end of the fic, the reveal of the reason for Castiel and Dean's breakup in high school is revealed to be that Dean was unfaithful.

Let me get one thing clear: I knew this was out of character for Dean. That was...sort of the point. Castiel is out of character through a lot of this fic as well, BUT! That is for a reason as well, and it's the same reason for Dean's OOC-ness. Both of them are addicts. Dean's alcoholism starts young, and being way too drunk is his excuse for cheating (yes I know it's a bad one. that's why Cas dumps his ass. he deserved it). Castiel is more brooding and mean throughout the fic because he's miserable and drunk most of the time. Dean recovers before he meets Castiel again, 17 years after their initial breakup. It's towards the end of the fic when Castiel recovers, and they end up together some time after that.

Both of them changed a lot in the time since they dated in high school. Dean goes through a whole lot of self discovery and healing before we meet him in this fic. His whole arc is trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life, and part of that is him figuring out how to make amends with Castiel. Meanwhile, Castiel's arc is him getting out of his depressive spiral and welcoming Dean back, because he knows both of them have changed so drastically that it's practically a new relationship by the time they finally end up together again.

I know the fic is not my best work. Not by a long shot. If you asked me to write that fic again, especially now that I'm in recovery, there are a lot of things that I would do differently. But, that doesn't mean I regret writing it. I know there are mistakes. Some things are not handled with as much grace as I could handle them now. But, at the end of the day, I wrote it for fun, and to motivate my own recovery. I'm glad so many people have enjoyed it over the years. If you're looking at this post because you dislike the fic, that's okay too. You may disagree with what I'm saying here, and that's fine. You can have whatever interpretation of TTOA that you want. Just know that what I've said here was was I intended when I wrote this fic, and I'm sorry if I did not make it clear, or if my words had a negative impact on you.

That's all I have to say about this. I'm keeping reblogs off on this, because it's just a point of reference. If you feel the need to reply to this post somehow, feel free to use my ask box (but do try to be polite)

Sincerely, Skyler/Pigeon

#sky talks #the theory of attraction #ttoa

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enlomiya · 5 months ago

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Haunting adeline review

contains spoilers ●

so i've finished haunting adeline last night .. and it tooks me almost 3 weeks to finish it (im a slow reader , besides the days that i haven't read in them js bc im lazy)

i started at 4 aug , finished 25 aug ☆

i rate the book ☆☆☆☆ stars .. and im gonna tell why

first i really really like the plot and the story , tropes and almost everythings , my problem here is about zade .. the author is convincing boktok girlies that he is a good guy by showing us how he help children from the pedophile .. i know dark romance books contains trigger warnings and alot of disturbing things and i like it .. thats why i read it ! i know i totally know

what im trying to say that .. yeah it's okay if zade is a bad guy who is contradictory , like ra*ped adeline while he don't even regret it it's okay he is a psycho , no complaining , what im really complaining about is that the auther herself isn't showing that ra*ping adeline was a .. like a wrong thing at all .. she is sugarcoating ra*ping and those kind of things ... me personally wanna read it while it shown to us that he is a psycho .. who kill bad people but he is HIMSELF a bad person .. she just showing us that he is a good character .. not a bad one , while he is obviously bad like okay i enjoy reading about bad psycho characters why are you convincing us that he is good ? he kills who deserves killing then why .. doesn't he deserve be killed too ?

feels like the author completely in love with him

alot of people are gonna tell me that it's a dark romance don't read it if you don't like it this way , no i like those idea's and i enjoy them .. but zade is sick and he can't see it .. as if the author herself can't see it

there is a different between when the character itself denying or can't see their mistakes , or when the author can't see their mistakes ... first options is okay for me totally but the second ? oh please no whrite a bad character while you know so well that it's bad ..

let's talk about positive side .. i like the atmospheres so much it was the reason i'v read the book for , then i do really like adeline rielly bc she was trying hard to not fall in love with her stalker , better than those booktok girlies who're gonna probably stalk him back , adeline is strong and brave , i like her .. she was so brave to go up to the attic and stay at that house alone while knowing theres someone stalking her

i really .. really like the satan affair's arc .. and i like sibby .. i like the first meeting between zade and adeline whether in the bookstore or at her house

i really love everytime shes running away from him .. my best scenes

and daya is one of the best characters , SHES SO GOOD AND SMART i like her so much ..

i do really like gigi's case , and how adeline and daya were investigating on it .. this is something that made the story so special ..

this book is an art .. i like it and i enjoy it so much

#bookblr #book review #haunting adeline

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bluedalahorse · 1 year ago

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I have no idea if the anon OP will see this, but I don’t want them to feel isolated in the fandom, so I’m responding in good faith. Anon, talk to me! I want to talk to you!

August is my second favorite character in the show. He’s almost tied with Sara as my first favorite character. (Yes, I know, I have a way of picking the most, uh, dearly beloved characters of the fandom. It’s quite a feat.)

I’m going to share a little bit about Blue Behind The Scenes, who at times feels has felt something like isolation about her own August feelings. Maybe not the same isolation you’re talking about—maybe none of this rings true for you. But I’ll share in case any of it does.

August is also a character I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing and picking apart. About half of that analysis gets written up and posted on my blog right away, while some of it sits in my drafts for a while, and I pick at it and revise it until it’s just right. I find that when I am posting about August, I have to put a lot of trust in my fellow YR fans to acknowledge where I’m coming from, and to understand that I am not endorsing revenge porn or blackmail or classism IRL, by wanting to explore this character and understand why he does stuff. I almost never hit “post” unless I feel like I’m ready to extend that trust to people, so on days when I’m feeling more vulnerable, I might hold back and wait for the next day to do it. Sometimes holding back makes me feel like I’m not part of the fandom that particular day, or like I’m on the outside of it.

One thing I notice myself doing as I write posts about August is to try and keep things measured and intellectual, and even, at times, detached from emotion. It sort of bothers me that I do that, because there is a strong emotional component to why I’m so drawn into his arc. I’ve devoted a lot of thought and philosophical theory to August, which I think is well worth my while, but I’ve also screamed at the TV because of him, you know? And not always out of anger, either. (Although let’s be real, I am screaming at him in anger a lot. But like, I’m also sympathetic sometimes. And every once in a while he’ll do a good thing, and I’ll want to cheer him on in that direction instead of being cynical about how he’s going to inevitably backslide again. I want to feel the heartbreak of that backslide instead of rolling my eyes and going “oh of course he would.” Other people may engage differently, and that’s fine.)

A lot of that emotion ties into details of my personal life and family history that August’s storyline helps me make sense of, that I would never feel comfortable going into detail about on my public dashboard. Some of it is just personal taste in fandom stuff, too. I enjoy morally complicated works and messy characters for their messiness. I think it’s generally sound practice to be reflective about the fictional characters who command our attention, but I also sometimes wonder if I lean into the intellect and theory extra hard because subconsciously I want to prove I am Not One Of Those Alleged Fifteen-Year-Old Fangirls Who Just Thinks Malte Is Swoony. Which… there’s a lot to unpack there, too, in the way that I reject that fifteen-year-old fangirl archetype and don’t want to be seen as being associated with it. But like… we’re fans, right? The analysis and the emotion is all mixed together. Maybe this a version of what some hardcore Wilhelm fans feel when the general sentiment on their dash one day is like “Wilhelm is a perfect angel who has never done anything wrong, let’s explain away his mistakes” and they’re like “ok but I actually find it interesting that he denied being with Simon on live TV? I don’t approve of it but I find it interesting?”

I’ve also written a fair amount of YR fanfiction that’s never made it onto AO3. Now, a lot of that is just because it isn’t finished. (I am crap at finishing things.) But I would say that the vast majority of my fanfic prose is written from Sara’s or August’s POVs, and dealing with the details of who they are. (Felice and Kristina come in third, I think.) And while generally I am very confident in my writing skills and my ability to produce engaging prose, I do sometimes, in my moments of vulnerability, find myself wondering, is there even any audience for this stuff? But I write it because I find emotional meaning in writing it anyway, and I’m lucky to have a friend like @heliza24 who pushes me to be brave and get my ideas on the page and sometimes share even them. I realize there are people out there who’ve connected with what stuff I have put out, even if there aren’t many. I don’t know what people’s preconceived notions might be if I tell them I don’t often feel personal inspiration to write Wilmon fic (I’m glad others do feel that though!) but I do feel a lot of personal inspiration to write angsty, turmoil-filled August fics (some of which involve he and Sara smashing their faces together for extra spicy drama.) And like, I’ve taken August in different directions, in the multiple unpublished scrap paper fics and in my published fic. I’ve scribbled down ideas where August Gets Therapy And Gets Better And Heals, and then I’ve scribbled down ideas where like, August Gets Worse And Spirals, or like, even stuff like August’s Arc Goes Completely Sideways. I know where his arc is going in Heart and Homeland, and I’m not going to say where on the spectrum that is (you’ll know soon.) I will also say that the next story I want to write once Heart and Homeland is finished, I will take August in the absolute opposite direction. It’s like… I contain multitudes! We all contain multitudes! And yet sometimes it feels like I publicly have to hold myself to a Correct Way Of Interrogating/Enjoying August, and that obscures a lot of the possibility and complexity (and dare I say humor and emotion) you might get from me in more one-on-one conversations.

I also want to recognize that like, every fan comes to the show with different life experiences, many of which they may not feel comfortable sharing on their dash in detail. Not to mention we all want different things in our fiction! For some people the curation of their YR fandom experience means writing and reading fics where August is never mentioned, or where his character is flattened in some way. I get that. He’s done some pretty serious harm and I know that gives his character a certain charge. I want different fans to have the ability to filter certain tags and manage their space and read the fic they want, from a place of emotional safety.

And yet… I also want to be able to find the other people who are interested in August’s arc the way I am, and who want to create fanworks about him. How do I communicate on my blog so I can draw those people to me, you know? Because maybe they’ve written a fic I want to read, or maybe we can talk about season 3 predictions together, or something.

I guess one of the things I am taking away from this is… fandom can be a weird and complicated place. We’re supposedly united in the TV shows and books and movies that we love, but we don’t always connect to them in the same way, or find meaning in the same characters the same way, especially when a canon is still open and we don’t know how arcs resolve yet. I think things get weird (or feel the most isolating) when we presume that there is one single universal way of being a Young Royals fan. I think we have to offer a lot of grace and trust to one another in order to coexist and find joy with one another. Which can be extra hard to do, given that the last ten years of media analysis have included a puritanical undercurrent of “depiction of bad things in fiction equals endorsing them and/or doing them yourself in real life” that we’re still trying to overcome as a culture.

And I want to say, I’m grateful for all the fans I’ve met so far who’ve extended me grace and trust—both those who approach the series very similarly to me, and let me lean into the emotional, mess-loving side of my fannishness, and also those who approach YR and August differently and who have been patient with me as we exchange points of view. I think I have a stronger grasp on the characters and series because of it, and I’ve become a better fic writer because of it. I’m sure there’s some people I will never please with my posts, but I do feel like over time I’ve been able to slowly build up a small circle of people to talk to. I hope I can continue to build that circle.

Well, anyway, anon… you are welcome to message me if we are not talking already! You don’t have to. But I wanted to leave the door open, just in case. I hope you have a nice day.

One of your asks was about how they like August, and I just want to say I agree. He's my favourite character aswell but when I first came on Tumblr it was made clear it is taboux to like him, same with Kristina. For a show that has so many layers it can feel like fandom doesn't really accept layered thinking when it comes to those characters and if you don't think in a black and white way about it you yourself are a 'bad fan'. Main confession is I feel a wee bit isolated from fandom do to this.

#young royals #august young royals #this is a lot #but what is the point of a confession blog if we can’t all find one another?

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ladywaifuuwrites · 4 years ago

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Pillars reacting to their crush who’s small but strong

Request: male pillars reacting to a really strong female pillar whos like super short like 4′10-5′ and they crush on them.

Pairings: Male pillars x fem! reader

Synopsis: Their crush is a strong smol pillar ^_^

Warnings: manga spoiler

a/n: I smiled at your request since I’m small too. Like I’m 5′0. And I’m kinda scared to do face to face classes since the boys at my school will tease me for not getting taller. Hmph. SO HERE YA GO. You’re the first request! Have a nice day whoever u are!

And I am so sorry this is so long! ASJDAOFHHASK. I got carried away in some of those storylines. I hope this makes sense (wrote this when I was hungry).

This would be a headcanon I assume.

I’m sorry if It’s taking me long to answer requests but don’t worry I’ll write those! I’ll probably upload rules for future requests :)

Giyuu Tomioka

yo this guy is tall not kidding

Giyuu is head over heels for you. He’ll want to protect you since you’re the most precious things he’s ever laid eyes on

Sparkles in his eyes whenever he sees you✨

He doesn’t want to lose you so he’s butting in on all of your missions. You get annoyed and you think he’s looking down on you.

You two get into a fight and doesn’t fix it since Giyuu’s communication is bad. It ends up in you walking away.

Nighttime and demons are lurking around in the forest as you take a stroll to clear your mind. Then a demon launches on you but thanks to your quick reflexes you dodge.

It’s a strong demon, close enough to become one of the lower moons. But nothing you can’t handle.

Giyuu senses a demon nearby and he frantically searches for you. *sim dads reaction when the mother goes into labor lmaooooo*

Lights fill up an area of the forest from the techniques you use. In like 2 strikes the demon dies.

He finally finds you as the demon’s ashes blow away. Your hair is dramatically blowing too.

He’s just staring at you then hugs you “I’m sorry. I’m not underestimating you…I just want to protect you.”

Then all good. He’s amazed by how strong you are despite you’re short stature. You’re going to missions together and sometimes he just watches you finish off the demon. Just happy to see that satisfied smile you have when you kill a demon.

Muichiro Tokito

When he first met you at the pillar meeting, he muttered his thoughts, wondering how could someone be that small? You’re in the same age but you’re small.

Shinobu heard him since she was beside him and said “that’s rude to ask someone”. She’s lowkey offended.

Tengen retorts to Muichiro. “You’re small too…??”

Since it’s rude, he kept his mouth shut. You’re the same age as him when you entered the corps. He thinks you’ll grow up anyway.

Surprise surprise you grew up, 2 inches. But still small.

He gets nervous a bit around you since puberty did you good. Won’t admit it though.

Cue swordsmith village arc

He’s having trouble dealing with Gyokko. (I hate his face. It’s weird and ugly.)

Then minutes later, you show up out of nowhere, giving great damage to the demon.

“Are you okay?” you ask him with concern and you two fight off the fish demon.

He’s in awe because you actually took over the fight. Sure you have injuries but those are minor compared to his and you were very careful.

He’s injured so he couldn’t do much but you saved him and the civilians by defeating the demon. That’s when he realized how amazing you are and you earn his respect.

Days pass by and you two along with the other demon slayers are commended by Oyakata-sama.

He thanks you when the both of you are walking together. He’s very grateful for what you did and you two become closer afterwards.

“Ah young love.” Mitsuri sighs blissfully as she watches you two leave the headquarters.

Kyojuro Rengoku

Kyojuro knows you’re small and he knows you’re strong. You’re one of his trainees along with Mitsuri, so you’ve known each other for a long time now.

You rose to the ranks of the pillars with Kyojuro’s guidance. And now you’re looked up to by the whole organization because of your excellent swordsmanship despite your small figure.

So you’re tasked to train 20 slayers ranked below Tsuchinoto. You take them to a clearing in the forest where training equipment are already placed. You train them by remembering what Kyojuro has taught you over the years. And you smile, seeing your past self in the struggling slayers.

You gave them a 10 minute break and after 10 minutes, you do a headcount to see if everyone is in your proximity.

“18,19…?????”

Oh no. A slayer is missing.

So you set off to find the missing one and there you found him.

Hanging upside down from the arms of a large demon. The boy is muttering apologies for straying faraway and is begging for you to save him upon seeing you.

You are annoyed at the fact that he has disobeyed your orders and is now at the hands of danger. But this was no time to be blaming someone for a boy’s life is at stake here.

You jump into the air and you take down the demon pretty easily with one strike of your sword. And you catch the falling boy bridal style with your annoyed face.

You put the boy down but suddenly a demon comes attacking you both. You kill it but more of it comes at you. They are easy to take down but it keeps coming, making you tired if you have to do this all night. It just won’t stop multiplying.

You think you’ve killed almost all of it but then the slayer screams “(L/N)-SAN!!!!!”. A monstrous looking demon bares its claws at you, but before you could react a flash of flames appears right in front of your eyes.

“Kyojuro…” You whisper in relief as he slays the final demon. The bright flames sparkle in your eyes as you’re once again amazed at the man.

Kyojuro looks at you and comes over. “You’re so amazing.” You manage to say.

He smiles and says. “No. You’re the amazing one.”. You always manage to face whatever challenge and it always ends up in you winning. Kyojuro knows how hard you proved others wrong by becoming a strong pillar.

Super proud of you cause you’re strong. He actually watched you battle those before jumping in to save you.

Sanemi Shinazugawa

He doesn’t really care if you’re short or tall

The important things is that you’re useful to the organization

When someone teases you about your height, you end up feeling down and he’s there to beat that someone’s ass.

He doesn’t like to admit it but he’s a softie when it comes to you. You eventually break down his walls and now you can say you’re friends with the scary wind pillar.

You always tease him though and he’s always annoyed. But everyone thinks you’re both dumb since it’s very clear that you two like each other but you still deny it.

There’s this time where Sanemi is visibly struggling fighting demons as you watch him peacefully on a rooftop. He’s glaring at you and asks you “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”.

You just smile at him sweetly😊

Sanemi pretends his heart didn’t do a flip. But his heart stopped when he saw a demon behind you on the rooftop.

He was about to call your name when another blink and the demon’s head was cut off.

He was surprised since it all happened so fast. You go down to the ground, landing safely as you battle demons that the frozen Sanemi left.

It just took you 10 seconds to eliminate those demons and Sanemi’s mouth is left agape as he watched you.

You weren’t normally like this. So why the sudden surge of power?

“Sanemi hun. Close your mouth.” You say to him with a blank face, but before you could go past him, he gripped your wrist tightly and placed your small body in front of him.

He dragged you so easily lol.

He hugged you with your faced buried on his chest.

It was the comforting kind of silence. Sanemi was scared losing you to that demon but deep inside he knows that you’re strong.

Won’t admit that your moves are amazing.

Gyomei Himejima

This man is the strongest in the demon slayer corps and the tallest

Lmaoooo you would be like a mushroom beside him💀🍄

Gyomei actually gets out of tricky situations easily because he’s that strong

You’re a fairly new pillar who earned her spot 3 months ago. You two were assigned on a mission together. A gigantic demon appeared throughout the village that was between the regions you and the stone pillar were assigned in.

Gyomei knows your capabilities so he trusts you in doing a good job, but he can’t help but worry about you.

He doesn’t care if you’re small, he thinks that height isn’t the basis for an excellent demon slayer. But he’s still worried, so he looks for you. I don’t know how he looks but he looks.

Then he sees you fighting off demons very easily. A determined look is seen across your face. Gyomei feels he’s tearing up because he’s so proud of you. Proud boyfriend here somethin.

You were just a weak mizunoto years ago and now you’re a strong pillar who can fight with him side by side.

When you finish off the demons, you look to see Gyomei smiling at you. This were the fruits of the harsh trainings you went through, it made an excellent swordswoman.

Among the pillars, you stand beside Gyomei in rankings. So you’re powerful like wow. O_O

Obanai Iguro

He’s small but have you seen him fight? He’s a demon slayer with remarkable speed and you won’t know he’s attacking you because his moves slithers secretly like a snake.

You’ve always admired Obanai even you’re now both pillars. And that admiration bloomed into something more.

He’s a strong pillar despite his small stature and that’s what you aim for to be like.

You’re trying to show off your moves to him every time you’re in battle together, to show him what you can do. To which he’s just “meh”.

So you give up on trying to show off and just do it for the sake of the people you’re saving.

You really gave up on showing off, but you can’t help it cause your breathing forms are flashy. Obanai doesn’t show it but he loves that display of power you have when you’re fighting.

Poor man doesn’t realize he’s in love with you even though others point it out.

He’s having trouble dividing his attention on protecting the civilians or fighting the demons. Luckily you were near the area so you came to his aid.

You slay the demons with your sharp and precise movements in just a short amount of time.

He’s like 😲 but when you turn he’s back to 😐😷

He’s one of the guys who won’t admit that you’re amazing and won’t admit that he likes you. You force him to confess though.

Tengen Uzui

If Obanai doesn’t admit he likes you, this guy would shout that he likes you

Would openly flirt with you because why not? There’s nothing to be shy about.

Always takes the chance to compliment and flirt with you.

“You’re cute (y/n)” “Thanks” Tengen finds your height cute because the height difference is HUGE.

Another mushroom like moment💀🍄

He knows you’re strong so he likes to train with you. Always ends up letting you win because he just likes it when he’s pinned down by your smaller figure.

When a demon invasion came in your area,, you fight them off while Tengen is called for backup.

He slays the lesser demons easily and found you fighting a stronger demon while protecting some children behind your back.

He smirks and leans against a tree, arms folded while watching you fight off the demon.

You did it so easily making Tengen’s eyebrows rise.

Then you see him and ask him “what are you doing?”.

“watching you.” He finds you hot and sexy when you have that focused look in the middle of a battle. He won’t say it out loud because you might smack him in the face.

Super amazed at the fact that you’re stronger than the other pillars despite your small figure.(he thinks you’re stronger than him but dismisses that because pshhhhhh).

Will throw you over his shoulder at random times. Thinking that his antics will make you fall in love with him.

And it did…

#kny headcanons #kny #demon slayer #giyuu x reader #muichiro x reader #sanemi x reader #kyojuro x reader #obanai x reader #gyomei x reader #tengen x reader #uzui x reader #giyuu tomioka x reader #sanemi shinazugawa x reader #rengoku kyojuro x reader #iguro obanai x reader #gyomei himejima x reader #uzui tengen x reader #muichiro tokito x reader

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magnimoon · 2 years ago

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Chapter 15: A pleasant drink (Final part of Jealousy) - A Cullevelyan fic

You can read it on AO3 as well as the rest of the episodes!

Summary:

Final part of the Jealousy mini arc. Varric is the only one brave enough to ask Bryony if she's having some sort of affair, while Cullen is present. Although the truth might not be what they expected, at all.

The rest of the episode under the cut

Maker’s breath, what am I doing here? Cullen thought while he entered the tavern and immediately localized the all-well-known dwarf.

Varric waved at Cullen, inviting him to sit at his side; he had already asked a pint for him and one filled with juice for Bryony. Since he didn’t know there would be a third guest, he asked without hesitation for another mug filled with foamy ale. At first, he was surprised to see Curly even entering the tavern; usually the man asks a soldier to fetch him a drink, that way he can still work and drink at the same time.

“So, I’ll take you came here out of pure coincidence, not knowing I would be here.” Varric asked with a pinch of intrigue in his words, full knowing that this couldn’t be random encounter. Maybe that’s why Handy is taking her time.

“The Herald invited me.” And the mystery unfolded itself while Cullen sat down at the opposite side of the dwarf while glaring at him in case of an undesired joke.

“I see. Trying to make it up due to last time? I’m moved, Curly.” Yet Varric felt no fear towards the Commander. He placed his leathery glove over his chest covered hair, acting the dramatic part.

To those under his command, Cullen might be seen as a strict and fierce leader, merciless to those who decide to cross some lines; to Varric… probably he sees the same, however he has caught him exiting the Blooming Rose in at least three different nights while both lived on Kirkwall. Cullen is just as human as anyone else from his race.

“And you ask why I never went to the Hanged Man.” His grumpy frown began to slightly mark the wrinkles on his forehead, Cullen was still wondering if this was a good plan and was questioning if the Herald would get angry or disappointed if he suddenly had to attend an inconvenient meeting with his second-in-command.

“A pity, I must say. But let’s leave my hurt feelings aside, I’ll assume that you accepted only because Handy asked you to. Should I ask the obvious or…” Varric grabbed his mug while agitating slightly its content, making the foam swirl to the borders. He intentionally made a sip, not finishing his phrasing, since it was evident what he was going to ask.

“Varric, I must say that her nickname has been the weakest I’ve heard.” Cullen evaded the question, an action noticed by Varric as he gave a long gulp but keeping an eye open to glare at the Commander and the rest in the tavern.

“Weaker than Aveline’s? She doesn’t have one.” Varric gently placed the mug over the table, its clunk wasn’t even heard by him. Cullen crossed his arms, reluctant in changing his mind. “Fine, I’ll think of another one, everyone wants to be a critic nowadays. But back to the point, I’ll take that you fancy our holy chosen one.” Now it was Varric’s turn to cross his arms, with a hint of cockiness in his words.

“Varric, not that loud!” Cullen flinched, almost jumping from his seat. He angrily whispered at the dwarf, making sure no one in the tavern heard such straightforward truth.

“Well, well, not denying the facts. You can also relax a bit, Curly, everyone is more invested in courting Flyssa or seeing who drinks more mead without fainting.” He said as he glanced at the fair maiden, who had four soldiers around her, some already drunk and others trying to maintain a conversation with her. The lady just ignored them and went to deliver some drinks to the ones still competing in the drinking contest, and one for the Commander.

“I am not…”, he sighed, defeated. “Look, Varric, could we move aside that particular question? Today of all days is not a good one.” He cautiously grabbed the mug and thanked Flyssa. Although he had no incentive for drinking, at least not that day.

“Because of the Herald and Tiny’s suggestive approaches? I must say, even I can’t ignore that she might’ve gotten over our dear Commander here.” Varric said jokingly.

The bitter, yet devastated look on Cullen’s face made Varric realize that someone was having a hard time admitting their feelings. The dwarf pitied the Commander, not because it was ridiculous that a grown-up man had his ups and downs romantically speaking. It reminded him of his younger self and the bad luck he encountered with the real Bianca.

“Luckily for you, your favorite dwarf here is more curious than the rest. I was planning on dwelling about that specific topic today. And now you are here, consider it a birthday gift from my part… whenever that’s day.” Varric had to contain his laugh the moment he saw Cullen bumping the mug, dropping a few droplets over his mantle.

“You!” Cullen put away the mug, “why would you… I-I have to go, that is none of my…” After he wiped away the stains in the fur of his outfit, he immediately stood up.

“Ah, Herald, you’re just in time!” But just when Cullen was about to make his move, Varric turned to his left, towards the door and greeted Bryony, who now had a new clothing and armor.

The Ostwick mage, oblivious to their previous conversation, changed from the casual battlemage outfit the Inquisition offered to a more personal looking one. Instead of a simple vest coat, surrounded by a scarf and leathery belts, Bryony now wore a long ram leather coat, its purple color still fresh just like its smell. Her blouse was now silk made, shining a bit with the candlelight. The colors helped in remarking her black hair.

“Sorry, sorry, that took me more than…” Bryony hurried up, reaching the pair in no time, then she glanced firstly at the Commander who was standing up, yet he remained frozen. “Oh, you are leaving already? Did I linger too much?” she was genuinely confused, recalling in her mind how many minutes she actually spent in removing the dirt from her skin.

“Of course not, your chosen one, Curly was only going to fetch a chair for you. We were just starting the first round.” Varric stepped in before Cullen could even answer, he took another sip from his mug and let the rest play by itself.

In a blink, the Commander did as Varric asked. Luckily there were so many empty chairs since the drunken soldiers fell onto the floor due to the competition previously mentioned.

“I’m amazed you haven’t lashed out at them, Commander.” Bryony chuckled briefly before sitting in the chair Cullen barely approached to her.

“They are Orlesian soldiers from an insufferable noble. The Ambassador told me to ‘leave them be’ while she gets the supplies and allies. As far as I can see, only my men are still standing.” Cullen scoffed proudly while nodding at one rookie who was probably at his tenth pint. The soldier looked confidant, even happy that his Commander was pleased with his efforts.

The Herald discreetly, by covering her mouth with her non cursed hand, laughed a bit, looking at the masked chevaliers defeated by a simple beverage of unknown origins.

“Well, now that Curly is with us, I believe he can help us with my story. After all, he was in the same city as me.” The dwarf was focusing only on Bryony, ignoring any possible deathly silent threats Cullen might be sending him.

He has lived enough with Cassandra that he has developed some sort of immunity to deathly glares. If Varric can survive that, something like the Commander felt like a walk through the Hinterlands… with no bears and possibly a camp nearby.

“I…. what?” Cullen exclaimed confused.

“Oh, that’s right.” Bryony realized that the Commander was new to their tradition, finger snapping in the process. “Each time I return to Haven, Varric and I meet up here in the tavern and share some stories. He tells me about Hawke and I tell him about… whatever he finds curious about me.” She looked towards her left, looking at the Commander briefly before returning to Varric.

“You know me, Curly, I want to have my main character full fleshed. That is if I survive this terrible mess long enough to write a book.” Varric reassured the Commander, to avoid any suspicion, then he looked towards the Herald. “If I’m not mistaken, you want to learn about her… how would you call it… how she beat the crap out of her foes?”

“Yes! Her combat styles! I’ve heard that, even if the Champion is a mage, just like me, she still knew how to land good punches to her enemies. According to your book, she even fist flighted the Arishok when she ran out of magic.” Bryony was enthusiastic, her eyes even twinkled with joy and her hands made tiny fists so that she could punch the air. She, of course, released small sparks of electricity through her fingers. Nothing mortal, just a bit of purple static covering her small punches.

This made Cullen flinch a little, he wasn’t used to see a mage releasing magic in such a casual way. It wasn’t an intentional spell, judging by Bryony’s enthusiasm, usually magic can’t be controlled in such a small amount. Maybe Ostwick trained their mages in a different way? But then he processed what the Trevelyan said about Hawke.

“Yes… fist fight.” Cullen was rising his eyebrow, while slowly turning towards Varric, as much as he could while looking indifferently at the lying dwarf.

The Commander has never touched one of Varric’s books, since he lived the events in Kirkwall and wasn’t so fond of any smutty literature. So, when Bryony told the fist fight part, he knew; he knew that he omitted completely the fact that Hawke was running around the pillars in the Viscount chamber while her magic was recharging. Everyone in Kirkwall is aware that her mabari did most of the distracting.

This is something I need to hear. I want to see how much the dwarf changed the facts. Thought Cullen.

..........................

The Commander barely talked; he mostly watched painfully amazed the lies and fantastical tales Varric spat about the fight against the Arishok. Although, he gave credit where it’s due and added information about Hawke’s techniques in combat. Some of the most intriguing topics were the approaches she displayed in physical combat when it was imperative to hide her magic, such as being nearby templars or the Gallows in general. He added also how there were times she didn’t bring her staff to some places around Kirkwall to camouflage between the citizens.

Most of his comments shone while mentioning their first encounter, where Ivy Hawke had to fight abominations while showing her “roguish” techniques. Varric wasn’t in that particular event, so Cullen had to fill in how he knew since the beginning about Anders presence. This made Varric attentively interested in listening to another side of said event. Cullen even admitted he had to feign ignorance since Hawke and the other apostate mage saved Keran from a blood mage, he owed them that much. Varric was surprised since he always thought Cullen was blind for not noticing the apostate spreading pamphlets about the templars abuse.

After a while, the story about Hawke focused more on the battles she had once Meredith got into power. Then the conversation had a different perception, not for Bryony nor Varric, for they were chatting in their usual style. Cullen, on the other hand, began to remember the parts Varric was intentionally omitting.

Whether it was the allowance of the Tranquil rite on innocent mages, or the actions some templars did on the personal quarters the mages had, Cullen acknowledged most of these actions and sometimes even acted blind towards their unfair treatment. He never touched a mage or directly inflicted pain to one, yet he permitted many atrocities as Knight-Captain.

Mages cannot be treated like people. They are not like you or me. Those words lingered in his mind, returning from time to time. This, however, didn’t happen because he shared the same ideal as his younger self. No. It was a reminder of how low he has fallen in his life, a reminder of what he should avoid to repeat again.

Had he met Bryony a few years prior to the explosion in the Conclave… he concealed that thought since the answer wasn’t kind. Once Varric took the reins of the conversation, he remained quiet, hoping the thoughts would blur away.

Maybe someone like me shouldn’t even consider to think… Cullen thought to himself, then he looked at Bryony, who was beaming only with her smile while listening to Varric very attentively. Yes, she would be happier with someone better.

He thought low about himself, and at the same time couldn’t avoid to smile while looking at her. There was a mix of bittersweetness in his feelings, a flavor Varric managed to detect.

The dwarf didn’t want to judge anyone from that city, there is no one that came out clean from those events. Except maybe the elven servant Hawke hired.

“I believe these tales covers my share of the deal.” Varric added while ending abruptly the tale of the time Hawke battled against Aveline in one of their friendly trainings.

“More than I expected honestly,” Bryony stretched her arms and legs, she looked at her mug, already empty. She glanced at Flyssa and ordered one more, as well as some dry meat, “my turn, I guess, what would you like to know? My time at the Circle?”

Cullen suddenly remembered what Varric had planned prior to the meeting, making the Commander sweat coldly on his back. He wasn’t sure he wanted to listen the harsh truth so soon.

“Well, I’m a curious dwarf. And as much as I want to hear the miserable life the Circle provides… let’s just say that a little bird told me of a rumor, and I love rumors.” Varric put his mug aside, twiddling his fingers under his chin. He was ecstatic for the truth and probably Cullen’s reaction. As much as everyone thinks that Bryony and Bull may end together, he is betting his own pride that that’s not the case.

“Oh? Do tell, Varric.” Bryony leaned back on the comfy chair, crossing both arms.

“Well, I usually don’t ponder about the love life of my friends. Unless you are Hawke, and you decided to date the crazy apostate with a spirit inside his body. Word of advice, don’t do that.” Varric, with a bit of smooth talk, was preparing the setting to the Herald before dropping the bomb.

“I’m… not liking where this is going.” She sounded hesitant, unfolded even her arms due to the tension. Her confidant expression dropped very low, somehow there was a bit of panic in her eyes.

“Nor do I.” Interrupted Cullen, making everyone sure they still acknowledged that he was present. Interestingly enough, this made Bryony flinch, as if she had forgotten about him.

“The thing is, people have been talking, your Heraldness. Some say that you and Tiny may do more than just training. And look, I don’t judge, but after the attack on Kirkwall, I may want to consider dating a qunari.” He added last part with a sarcastic tone, not seriously questioning her choices, but he wanted to hide the involvement of Cullen in this conversation.

“Whoa, whoa, really? They think I’m dating the Bull?” Bryony tried to laugh about the situation, but there was an anxious tone behind her words. The two lads over there couldn’t see it, but she was sweating behind her neck.

What Varric did notice is that she began fidgeting her fingers, specifically trying to dig inexistent dirt under her nails. However, he couldn’t know if it was related to the Bull or Cullen. Or any other person.

“I would say more than that, since some have spotted some ladies come and go from his tent. Just making sure the qunari is not being unfaithful to our dearest boss. Unless is a casual thing between you.” Varric followed the question, looking as confidant as ever.

There was a bit of worry and grumpiness in his words, but that’s just the brotherly side he shows; it usually happens with Hawke, but Bryony sometimes looks so naïve or ignorant he can’t help but worry. Even if she’s already 26, people do find her behavior somewhat childish. Not to the level of Sera, of course. A more enthusiastic and altruistic kind of childishness. Someone that can get fooled very easily.

“That’s...!” she panicked for a second, almost getting flustered due to the implications of sleeping with the Bull. Then she took a breath to calm down, not showing any blush to the guys. “Wow, I’m impressed, Varric, people really want to gossip so desperately about me?” She regained her cool and calm self.

“So, you’re telling me you don’t have a love affair with Tiny?” Varric wanted to push a direct answer from her, he even sounded deliberately confused.

“Of course not!” And she lost her cool and calm self. She almost rose the tone of her voice enough to gain the attention of everyone. Luckily everyone was too drunk or busy to care.

“You… don’t?” Cullen broke his silence with a low but audible question. His eyes showed a bit of sparkle in them and almost smiled by hearing at the Herald’s answer.

“I… no, no I don’t!” Bryony looked at Cullen, she regained her low voice and tried to sound more considerate after screaming. She sighed. “Listen, Varric, you don’t mind helping me dismiss this rumor? As much as it would help me to get rid of… unwanted suitors, I’m not really in the mood for a fake love affair.” She massaged her temples, sounding already tired. Usually physical training leaves her intact, but gossip and political deals? That destroys her energy.

“Well, you know how I work. I need some inspiration for my lies, and for that I need a good story.” Varric answered.

“Get comfortable, but don’t expect too much. It has nothing to do with love, and more of a stupid thing we both decided to do.” There was no reason to sound that proud at all, yet her cockiness began to show the moment she readjusted her sitting posture.

For the first time in the whole conversation, Cullen looked interested. Resting his hands on his lap.

“Does this mean I’ll get disappointed?” Varric was already expecting a stupid bet or a challenge.

“You’ll regret it, I can assure you.” Bryony chuckled. Then she held her chin with her hand, trying to remember the events. “Let me start from the beginning. You know that we recruited the Bull in the Storm Coast a few days ago. I know I didn’t take you on that mission, Sera was there.”

“No hard feelings here. I didn’t get to taste a wonderful non-stop storm.” Varric brought up again his charming sarcasm. He remembered the day Cassandra returned from that bloody place since the Bull took her place.

Both the Seeker and the Chargers, whom accompanied her to Haven since they got hired, still had some places of their armor covered in sea water.

“After taking like ten salty baths while recruiting him, I decided it was better to test his battle and exploring skills. To see the range of his abilities, you know. So, Solas, Sera, Bull and I began to roam around the Storm Coast. We stayed there for a couple of days and even recruited a group of mercenaries called the Blades of Hessarian for the Inquistion.” Bryony continued explaining her tale, having both men interested in the adventure.

“I remember that, I saw on the reports that they are helping us recruiting more soldiers. They are under my care now.” Cullen remembered the report, a broad smile over his face while doing so. His mood was getting better over the course of the story.

Varric couldn’t believe the radical change in the Commander’s behavior. He needs to help the man.

“Yes! We had to fight his leader. Which I needed to mention, Varric, they are fan of your books.” Bryony added with a touch of smugness.

“Oh, you got to be shitting me.” Varric got a bit grumpy, quite frustrated since his publisher told him that his books didn’t reach Ferelden.

“Wish I was. Anyways, on the last day exploring we found something that immediately caught both of our attentions. You see, for some time we heard these bizarre and gigantic stomps. We headed towards the sound and…” Bryony continued.

“Please don’t tell me you found a dragon.” Varric felt the scenario quite too similar to when he visited the Bone Pit with Hawke. He sounded worried, although precisely worried about himself.

“Oh no, something worse, a dragon fighting a giant!” Bryony sounded way too enthusiastic than she thought. Usually anyone encountering a dragon for the first would’ve felt fear. Judging by the expression she currently holds, she could’ve even thanked Andraste and the Maker for such an amazing gift.

“Ah, shit.” Varric sighed while covering his face with both hands, there was cold shiver through his back.

He was getting an idea why he was going to regret asking this.

“You tried to fight both creatures?” Since Varric was regretting all of his decisions, Cullen had to inquire more about the event. After all, now he is interested in knowing about the bizarre trainings both she and Bull are having. He’s now believing he may be able to assist her with some advices. Or perhaps aiding in the trainings as combat partner.

“We tried to. Bull and I went crazy and enthusiastic about fighting them and charged like a pair of fools. Sera and Solas were dragged against their will.” She answered disappointed, getting ahead of the result just by the response.

Flyssa delivered her a second drink, that’s when Cullen realized that she wasn’t drinking alcohol. He found that detail quite adorable.

“Once we got near enough… I don’t know, maybe we disrupted something or they finished their business that the blasted beast went off. Just by the dragon spreading her wings and launching herself into the air the whole team got knocked far away from the area.” Bryony proceeded to rub her shoulder since that area was still recovering from the wound she received by the impact.

“Please tell me you didn’t go to finish the giant.” Cullen was starting to get worried about Bryony’s recklessness. He trusts in her abilities, but even then, she’s only a human being. Not to mention that it might cause a lot of paperwork for the Advisors.

“Per Solas suggestion, it was better to head back towards Haven and… you know, get better equipment, weapons and just get better in combat.” Bryony answered, looking again at Cullen.

“I’m surprised, for the first time you took the advice from Chuckles.” Varric had to remind the pair that, even if he is smaller in size, he was still present in the conversation.

“Well… I tried to, then giant noticed us while we were still recovering from the impact. So, we had to defend ourselves. We managed to defeat it; it was badly hurt due to the dragon. After that, we realized we were still so weak in order to fight a giant, even less a dragon.” She crossed her arms, her gaze avoiding both gentlemen as a result of her shame. It was a reminder of weakness and she has no experience dealing with the wild areas.

“You’ve been training with the Iron Bull in order to defeat one?” Cullen asked, he wasn’t noticing it, but he got closer to Bryony just to get a better look. Not that she minded or noticed it, only Varric did.

“Mhm, Cassandra told me once that she used to hunt dragons, so we asked her to give us tips for combat. That’s why she has been supervising our fights.” Bryony answered while giving a bite to the dry meat she ordered. She offered some to both of them, which was refused.

“I’m impressed, boss. And here I thought I needed to prepare myself for an Ostwick wedding.” Varric looked at his nails, even if he was wearing gloves at the moment, as a way of teasing.

“You are kidding, right? Did we really look like a couple?” Bryony, flabbergasted by the wild scenario, immediately asked Cullen. She locked eyes on his, making giving him a very inconvenient place since he did think of that minutes ago.

“I- uh, I… don’t know, perhaps in some cases. Can we please ask Varric?” The poor man’s fingers were shaking, his shoulders tensing by nature of the question itself. From all the people, why did she have to ask me? Sweet Maker. He pondered.

“I get a new member for the team and this is how I got treated? Please, Varric, can you help me on this one? Bull is a great guy and I will always appreciate a good muscular body. But he is not my type.” She pleaded at Varric, both hands together over the table.

“Of course, leave it to your favorite dwarf.” Varric wanted to stretch a bit his teasing. “Care to confess what’s your type?” He raised an eyebrow, pompously smiling at the Herald; but it was also directed at the Commander.

“That! That is none of your business, Varric!” There was sourness in her words, a venom spread through every syllable. While she didn’t intend to sound as rude as it was, Varric could feel that there is an interesting reason and, best of all, a story behind her reaction.

Now I’ve found what would be the best topic to dig about, how can I make her speak about her love affairs? Maybe is something embarrassing? I don’t think it’s a specific race. Shit, now I’m curious. Varric thought.

“Alright, alright. I get it, Twinkles. No need to get flustered about it. Knowing you, you’ll reveal it once you get a partner.” Varric wanted to look at Cullen, to see how desperate he was to learn about the type Bryony has. But he won’t give away what he knows. He promised it.

“Twinkles?” Bryony asked.

“Yeah, your dear Commander here didn’t like the beautiful nickname I gave to you. Handy was too weak apparently. So, I’m trying with Twinkles, you do cover your body with twinkling lighting magic.” Varric fluttered his fingers as to simulate whatever mages do in order to cast spells.

“You did?” She towards Cullen once more. “Thanks, Commander! I think I like this new one.” She smiled upon him, making him return the gesture.

I don’t think I need to help Curly that much. The problem is making them interact more often, thought Varric.

“It was nothing, Herald.” The Commander softly reassured her, forgetting that he is currently in middle of a tavern.

“Oh yeah! Speaking of partners,” suddenly, Bryony broke the silence. She looked nervous, a gesture the dwarf noted. Then she looked at Varric once more, “we do need a full team in order to fight the dragon. And, according to your books, you fought one alongside Hawke.”

Varric wasn’t liking where this was going.

“Remember that I love lying. I wanted to look a bit heroic.” He put confidence in his unprincipled bluff, reacting immediately to the suggestion she was making in an effort to avoid what she was about decide.

“No, I remember Solivitus mentioned you when Hawke delivered him a rare ingredient. It was from a dragon as far as I recall.” Cullen interrupted his well-made lie. He spoke without thinking about the consequences. Or maybe he did.

“Shit.” Varric hadn’t felt such betrayal ever since Cassandra told him that she would release him after hearing the Tale of the Champion.

“Welcome to the team, Varric, I’m so glad I can count on you. Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll get ready for the next mission. We depart in two days, Varric, we’re headed towards Redcliffe.” Bryony finally rose from her chair, taking the leftovers of the dry meat into one of her leather pouches as rations.

The Herald gave a last wave to both guys before paying her part to Flyssa and exiting the tavern.

“It’s good to know I can count on you for anything, Curly.” Varric didn’t spare the disgust he felt towards the Commander after such betrayal.

“Let’s say that you owed me that one, I didn’t know what she would answer. Going straight into the Breach was easier than listening to it.” Cullen looked downwards towards his drink and saw his reflect in a foamless part. He smiled after remembering what she said, that the Bull wasn’t her type.

“Is this your way of saying that you’re definitely into the Herald? I’ll even forgive you if you say yes.” Varric proceeded to give the last sip to his drink, emptying its content, trying to forget that he’ll probably get roasted by a giant flying lizard in the near future.

“Look, Varric, I, uh, I’m not confidant in answering that. Right now, my main focus is this war. Nothing else.” He wanted to say more, the last words got stuck in his throat, there was only a mumbling mouth moving faintly.

Varric knows that’s there is something else he doesn’t admit, besides his evident infatuation towards the Herald; however, he also is aware that Cullen has barely escaped from the life of a Templar. And in his special case, one that was so unhealthy tied to the rules of the Order. Cullen has no close friends, not one like Hawke is to Varric, nor any close person he can confide in. Not saying that the dwarf is enthusiastic in becoming his confidant, but he believes that the Commander can escape from his previous torment.

“Yeah, right. Then the person gets in peril and that’s when someone realizes they love them. Just remember, if you decide to be honest with yourself, you know where to find me. I can help and old friend if needed so. Well, I have to keep going or Bianca will be moody all weekend.” Varric also stood up from the table and gave the usual signal to Flyssa. Everything to his tab, Cullen’s drink as well. The dwarf exited just in time to meet up with his most favorite person in all Thedas, Cassandra.

Meanwhile, Cullen stayed in his chair, the other only conscious person in the tavern was Flyssa. The sun was setting and perhaps Josephine already finished buttering up that pesky noble. The Commander asked the fair lady to fetch some soldiers that would help him carrying the Orleasian chevaliers away from there.

Once Flyssa exited the tavern, he was alone in middle of a drunken sea. He would take care of those unconscious while still looking at his mug. After a solid minute, he finally decided to give a long sip to his mug, emptying it at once. He was smiling. Of course he was. The heavy burden he was carrying for almost a week lifted up in a second the moment Bryony said “no” to Varric. In his mind he was still thinking he had a chance with the Herald.

But that was the issue as well. The moment he thought of having any opportunity at all with Bryony, it also came along the guilt and self-loathing he has inflicted upon himself. Cullen thought of himself as a criminal, someone unworthy of the title of Commander and worse, unworthy of the Herald’s love. The only reason he was standing there with said responsibility was his desire to amend even a small fraction of the crimes he committed while being Knight-Captain. He will never recover the lives of those mages slain by Meredith during her regime or the war; as well as those still living in Kirkwall, with possible physical or mental scars or worse, Tranquilized.

His hands were never covered in mage blood, yet the others made actions that spilled metaphorically on his body. If Bryony were to know all the things he did in the past, could she still smile at him the way she does currently?

No, there’s no way she would, he thought.

The best course of action would be if he got over those lousy feelings as soon as possible. But words will never speak as loud as actions. And he just saw first hand what happened when there was even the slightest idea of the Herald being interested in someone else that is not him. For that he was a fool, his mind was clouded, there was no plan nor strategy for this conundrum. He was jealous, which means that, in fact, he feels something for her. But he still denies it.

“Maker, she is adorable.” Cullen blurted out in middle of the empty tavern, head looking towards the ceiling while smiling like a fool, hoping to see her smile every day.

After a few seconds, he heard footsteps getting closer towards the entrances. The soldiers he asked for were arriving to help. Which meant the Commander needed to do his part as well. He stood up from his chair and began to resume his duties.

Just as everyone was doing their chores, a shadow over one of the windows disappeared immediately, and a pair of shoes leaving footprints in the snow.

Someone heard the Commander.

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#dragon age inqusition #cullen stanton rutherford #cullen rutherford #commander cullen #cullen x female inquisitor #inquisitor trevelyan #mage trevelyan #cullevelyan

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wanderinginksplot · 3 years ago

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Riye (A Favor) - Alpha-17/f!Reader fic

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Third installment of my Alpha-17/fem!reader fic!

Word-Count: 3,100

Warnings: aggressive flirtation, Alpha is rude.

---

You carefully straightened the neckline of your shirt, eyes on the refresher mirror. It might be silly, but today marked a full month since you had come to Kamino, and you wanted to look your best.

Your outfit had survived the morning, despite a meeting with several Kaminoans who wanted updates on your progress. You had been able to deliver good news - that you were right on schedule - but a sense of doubt overshadowed any triumph you might have felt. The first deadline had been met, but the next one promised to step up the workload, and you were already feeling overwhelmed at the idea.

Still, you were determined to push the negativity out of your mind. You would figure out a better schedule to complete the work later. Today was a celebration.

The bad thing about taking more care with your appearance was that it attracted more attention than usual from the cadets. You had politely turned away two different groups of young men by the time Alpha was due to arrive in the cafeteria. Another cadet - alone, this time - was doing his best to keep from being dismissed as well.

"Was it raining when you came in, ma’am?" he asked, leaning over you. "I have flight drills after this and it gets even more dangerous in the rain."

You did your best not to smile at the obvious way he was hinting about being a pilot. "You know, I think it was raining the last time I was near a window," you told him, voice grave.

"Then I'm going to need some luck to survive," he said dramatically, flashing you a smile he clearly hoped would be charming. "I've heard a kiss from a beautiful woman is a good start. What do you think? It might help me survive the afternoon."

"I wouldn't count on it," a dark voice warned.

The cadet stood as straight as possible as Alpha approached. The captain brushed your new pilot friend aside with a twist of his armored shoulders and sat down. He proceeded to start eating, ignoring the cadet completely.

Any other cadet would have backed away, thankful that Alpha hadn't decided to throw them directly into the oceans of Kamino, but this one was more determined than most.

He winked at you from behind Alpha's head. "By the way, my name is-"

"She doesn't want to know your name," Alpha told him. "Get out of here before I decide that I want to know it."

"Very flattering, Captain," the cadet said cheekily. "But Jango's face isn't the one I want to wake up to, yeah?"

Alpha swallowed his mouthful of food and deliberately set his fork aside, standing slowly from the table. He drew up to his full height before turning around. He was taller than the cadet, forcing the younger man to look up.

"Now I'm extremely interested," Alpha said slowly, his slow and methodical voice dripping with menace. "What's your designation?"

Behind him, you winced. You hated how glaringly obvious it was that the Kaminoans considered these men products. Also, this cadet might die in front of you and that would almost certainly ruin your ability to eat in the cafeteria anymore.

"CT-7115," the cadet said with a grin.

"Ah, part of Zackra Trem's group." Alpha raised his comlink. "Trem."

"Alpha," a female voice returned immediately.

"I've got one of your pilot cadets here in the cafeteria. 7115."

"Broadside," Trem said, clearly recognizing the number. "He's one of my best, Alpha. Don't break him too badly."

"No promises," Alpha replied, turning slightly back toward Broadside. Since you were seated directly behind Alpha, you couldn't see his expression yourself, but it was enough to make Broadside's grin slip for the first time.

"I'll make you a deal," Trem offered. "I'll give him hell here and then send him back to you tonight. I'm sure he could help you demonstrate something unpleasant to your ARCs."

Alpha considered that for a long moment while Broadside shifted uncomfortably. Eventually, he conceded, "That works."

Trem laughed. "Do I even wanna know what he did to you?"

"Harassed an uninterested female."

The laughter emanating from the comlink's speakers cut off abruptly. "In that case, I think we should coordinate punishments. I'll be in touch, Captain."

The transmission cut off suddenly and Alpha looked at Broadside once more. "You had best get to your training, son."

Broadside, looking suddenly concerned, nodded and hurried away. “What was that?” you asked quietly when Alpha had sat down across from you once more.

“I told his superior officer about his behavior.”

“What more than that?” you pressed.

Alpha grinned suddenly, and it was half a snarl. “It just so happens that his superior officer is Zackra Trem. It’s not my story to tell, but she’s got more reason than most to hate that kind of osik behavior.”

You could very well guess the rest of that story. Your heart twisted for Trem, though you had never met her. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Nice, but she wouldn’t appreciate the sentiment,” Alpha told you, not unkindly. “Feel sorry for your little pilot. She’s a Weequay who ran with Mandalorians for the past few decades. Whatever she makes him do, it won’t be pleasant.”

You chuckled at that, trying not to actually feel sorry for Broadside. In the time you had been hanging around Alpha, most of the cadets had eased up a bit on flirting, but every now and then, someone crossed the line.

Alpha picked his fork up again and shot you an intense look. “Why are you dressed like that?”

Though your immediate instinct was to be embarrassed about being overdressed, even mildly, you rolled your eyes at him. “Anything looks like too much when everyone else wears uniforms all of the time. Remember that day I wore a necklace?”

“Yeah, I remember,” Alpha said, snorting. “A necklace. What are you, a Senator?”

“Your ideas of fancy clothing are extremely skewed, I hope you know that,” you told him, adjusting your collar again.

“Hazards of the job,” Alpha replied with a casual shrug as he returned his focus to his food. “Looks okay, though.”

You paused, staring openly at him. Had Alpha just complimented you? Surely not… The universe wouldn’t survive such unexpected behavior, not without signs that space was collapsing in on itself.

Alpha noticed you watching him and lifted an eyebrow in question while he chewed. You just shook your head and applied yourself to your own lunch, avoiding his curious eyes. Explaining your thought process there would be an intensive effort, especially if your goal was to keep him from being uncomfortable.

Fortunately, avoiding Alpha’s eyes let you notice the approaching cadet sooner than your companion did, and you had time to brace yourself before the young man - even younger than you were used to seeing - opened his mouth.

“Excuse me-”

“Kriff,” Alpha said loudly, dark brows crashing down over his eyes. “Go away, kid. I’ve already ruined one cadet’s day and I have no problem adding to the list. She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“N-no, sir, of course not,” the cadet told him, nodding respectfully at you as he went on. “I wanted to talk to you. Is it true you served with General Kenobi?”

"What?" Alpha asked, sounding uncertain for the first time since you had met him. You quirked your brows, unsure of whether to be amused or concerned.

"General Kenobi," the cadet repeated. "And General Skywalker, too! I heard you went on a mission with both of them. What was it like?"

"Look, kid, I don't have time to answer all your questions about Jedi-"

"That's fine!" the cadet told him. "I already know everything there is to know about the Jedi. I want to know more about your experience, specifically."

The muscles in Alpha's jaw flexed and you quickly interrupted. "What's your name?"

"Dogma, ma'am," the cadet told you, making an apologetic face. "I know names are against regulations, but my batchers won't stop calling me that. My designation is CT-4287."

“Nice to meet you, Dogma,” you said politely.

Dogma's cheeks darkened and he gave a tight nod. "You too, ma'am."

"Stop flirting with the poor boy," Alpha chided and you gaped at the captain. So much for trying to help him.

"Dogma, I'm sure Captain Alpha would love to answer any question you have," you told the young cadet, grinning triumphantly at Alpha.

"Wait," Alpha ordered, catching at your wrist before you could stand up. His hand was ridiculously huge and you found yourself shackled by his gentle grip. "You haven't finished eating."

You grinned wider at him, slipping your wrist out from between his fingers. "I'll take it with me. Have fun, you two!"

Dogma gave a half-hearted wave while Alpha glared.

---

The rest of the afternoon was spent locked away in your office, working on the second major project you had to complete. Your concerns about the deadline were unfortunately proving correct. The icy grip of stress and fear were squeezing your heart, and you were honestly relieved when someone knocked on the door of your office.

“One moment!” you called to the unseen visitor, but they didn’t seem to hear you. Instead, they continued to pound on the door until you opened it. You were unsurprised to see Alpha on the other side, glowering down at you.

“You’re mean for a nat-born,” he grumbled, brushing you aside as he pushed into the office.

After letting the door slide closed once more, you followed him over to your desk and plopped down in your chair. Rather than sit in one of the chairs opposite you, Alpha leaned his hip against the side of your desk, much closer than you were comfortable with.

In a show of belligerence, you crossed your arms and lifted your chin as you replied, “Serves you right for being rude about my outfit.”

“I didn’t say anything bad about your clothes!” Alpha denied, befuddled.

“Yeah, well, you didn’t say anything nice about them, either,” you argued childishly, conveniently forgetting his half-compliment at lunch.

Alpha frowned. “You want me to… talk about clothing with you?”

Well. Put that way, it did sound a little silly. Of all of the things you were sure Alpha did well, deep discussions about fashion might be beyond him. Honestly, they might be beyond you, too. You sighed. “No, I don’t want you to talk about clothing with me, but I was trying to look nice today. I put a lot of effort into this.”

“I don’t understand why,” Alpha said. “You look… fine… every other day.”

“Fine,” you repeated dryly. “Thanks, I was going for fine.”

“I don’t understand what I did wrong.” You were able to hear the growing frustration in his voice. “What do you want me to do?”

“Maybe don’t act like I’m wearing a ballgown to work if I show up wearing a necklace!”

“What is a ballgown?”

You stared at Alpha, the simple question making your brain screech to a halt. It was like a chasm had opened between you, and it made you reconsider a few things. Since you had arrived on Kamino, you had treated the clone troopers as if they were people you might meet out in the galaxy, but that wasn’t exactly true. You still believed that they were people - of course you did - but you were only just coming to realize how different they were from anyone you had ever met. While the troopers shared their own experiences on Kamino and had been trained to be perfect soldiers by the time they shipped out, they were startlingly young by the standards of the rest of the galaxy.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter.” You fiddled with one of the many datapads littering your desk rather than meet Alpha’s intense gaze. “I am sorry for siccing Dogma on you, though.”

“You should be,” he growled. “He asked ten questions before I could shake him off. Ten!”

“Wow, that’s what? Five days worth of questions?” you teased.

“Five days for you,” Alpha told you seriously. “For anyone else, that’s more than I would ever answer.”

You were unreasonably touched by the reminder that Alpha let you learn things about him that no one else would ever know. Moved by a sudden surge of warmth for the ARC captain, you repeated your prior sentiment, but more fervently. “In that case, I honestly apologize for unleashing Dogma. If there’s anything I can do to make him back off, please let me know.”

Alpha’s stare was level and unwavering. “Yeah?”

“Of course,” you agreed immediately, not understanding what a wildly stupid idea that was. That was fine - you would learn… and it didn’t take long.

That night at dinner, Alpha came in and sat across from you, but instead of starting the meal in silence, he leaned across the table slightly to get your attention. Lowly, he asked, “Are you still willing to help me with Dogma?”

“Yes,” you agreed simply. “Do you have a plan?”

“Yeah. Flirt with me.”

You fought not to react visibly to that. Carefully keeping your face blank and your voice flat, you replied, “What.”

He leaned even closer, eyes lit with excitement. “I’ve been threatening and trying to alienate Dogma all day, but the only time he was uncomfortable was when you flirted with him.”

“I didn’t flirt with him!” you reminded him. “I just said it was nice to meet him.”

“Fine,” Alpha conceded. “We’ll just have to do better than that if we’re going to convince him to leave me alone.”

Abruptly feeling like this was the worst idea anyone had ever had, you tried to speak in your own defense. “Alpha, I don’t think this is a good idea-”

“You said you would help me,” he reminded firmly. “He’ll be here in a minute. I need your answer.”

Your heart was pounding, one of many warnings that this was a bad idea, but you nodded anyway. Alpha smiled - he actually smiled - and the expression looked menacing on his face. “Good.”

In a moment, he had circled the table to sit beside you, his huge frame making you feel ridiculously tiny in comparison. He wasn't wearing any armor at all now, and you could feel the heat of his skin through what little space there was between you.

You tried not to obviously tense as he spoke next to your ear. "There he is, get ready."

Impossibly, Alpha managed to get closer to you, tugging behind your knee slightly so that you were angled toward him. When he had finished posing you, Alpha’s large hand lifted to cradle your face. His fingers brushed over your cheekbone before trailing down to your jaw.

"My little neverd," he murmured to you, face filled with affection.

You didn't have to feign embarrassment at the warmth in his tone matched with the intense eye contact he was giving you. When you replied, you tried not to sound squeaky but only managed to sound shaky instead. "You know Mando'a is my weakness."

He laughed, a low chuckle that sent delicious chills running over your skin. “Why do you think I use it?”

“Alpha…” you chided, managing to sound mildly flirtatious.

“Come on, little one,” he urged you, voice velvet in a way you hadn’t known it could be. “Let’s go back to your- Ah, one moment, neverd. Dogma, sit down.”

You looked over to see Dogma standing at the other side of the table. You had never even noticed, your entire focus narrowed down to Alpha. Dogma looked as embarrassed as you felt. While you were focused on Dogma, Alpha’s arm snaked around you, pressing against your waist to pull you flush against his side. Your face flamed and Dogma glanced away.

“Sir, I- I’m sorry, I forgot I’m on duty tonight,” Dogma muttered, speaking so quickly it was difficult to understand him.

“Sorry to hear that, cadet,” Alpha replied gravely, flexing his fingers against your side. It made you push a little closer to him in reflex, the tip of your nose brushing the space under his jaw as you tried to look up at him. Alpha shivered, and you weren’t sure how much of the motion was acting. “Maybe later.”

Dogma gave an awkward nod and hurried off.

Alpha started laughing even before he let you go, his muscular chest shaking against your shoulder. After a moment that felt like it had stretched an hour, he pulled his arm back and slid away a bit. You immediately felt the loss of his closeness and suddenly you were horribly uncertain of what expression you were wearing. Just in case it said more than you wanted it to, you looked back at the entrance of the cafeteria.

“I feel bad,” you admitted.

"Don't," Alpha advised, looking toward the door as well. “He’ll be fine. He’s a good soldier, just a little…”

He trailed off, apparently content to let his thought stay incomplete. You glanced over to him with an eyebrow raised, but his eyes were fixed on the door. “You can see every access point in the room from here.”

“That is why I chose this spot,” you agreed.

“Switch with me tomorrow.”

“Not a chance,” you refused. “This is my spot.”

“Then I hope you like sitting next to me,” Alpha told you. Surprised, you laughed up at him and he met your eyes. “You know, I’ve never seen anyone blush on cue.”

“Hidden talent,” you explained vaguely. Alpha didn’t seem convinced, so you changed the subject. “What does neverd mean?”

“Civilian.”

You laughed before you could stop yourself. “Civilian? That’s what you used as a term of endearment?”

Alpha blinked blankly at you. “What’s wrong with it? You are a civilian.”

“Yes, but,” you thought over it for a second, “-it’s not very romantic. Usually, people say things like ‘dear’ or ‘sweetheart’.”

“How should I have known that?” Alpha asked.

It was the ballgown situation all over again, and more than you were willing to tackle that day. “Well, some warning before you want me to go undercover would be helpful.”

Alpha snorted. “How much warning do you need?”

You pretended to consider that for a moment. “Two business days, minimum.”

He frowned fiercely. “If you get two full days of warning, I expect more. I need you to show up in a disguise with three different accents ready.”

“Harsh terms,” you told him with a smile. “With those negotiation skills, you’d make a great senator."

Alpha gave you the darkest scowl you had ever seen him muster. “Watch it, neverd.”

Idly, you wondered if Alpha would protect you from himself, but the amused glimmer in his dark eyes told you it would be unnecessary.

---

A/N - Pretty sure Broadside is wildly OOC, my bad. Also, sorry for the weird image for this chapter. I didn't really want the text bubbles in there, but I needed to keep Alpha's sassy hip lean.

Taglist - @imabeautifulbutterfly @cagrame @mysticalturtleenthusiast @marvel-starwars-nerd @lackofhonor

#star wars #star wars fic #star wars fanfiction #star wars the clone wars #prequel era #reader insert #alpha 17 #alpha 17 fic #alpha 17 x you #alpha 17 x reader #star wars reader insert #clone trooper dogma #dogma #captain alpha 17 #broadside #clone troopers deserve better #more to come #gar cabur #Gar Cabur

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