#- and damn y'all were not kidding about cell phones at these things

[woolandcoffee]

Hozier was amazing. His voice is so rich and resonant in person, it was such a joy to listen to. And when he played Cherry Wine, he managed to make it feel like an intimate bar show instead of a packed amphitheater. Absolutely incredible to see live.

[dizzydancingdreamer]

Steve Rogers, The Man On Fire

Hey y'all, as Pride month draws to a close I would like to post this fic. It's been in my drafts for a month and I finally today found the motivation to finish it. This is special to me for many reasons, one of which being that I'm proudly a part of this community. Some of the anger written in is my own. I think a lot of people will resonate with it. I really hope you all enjoy this and happy Pride Month <3

This was based loosely off a headcannon and once I re-find it I will credit!

Synopsis: Steve is freshly thawed, queer, and pissed | A.k.a. Steve's experience in 21st Century America

Characters: Steve Rogers, Mentions of Bucky Barnes, (loosely a Stucky fic but Steve thinks he's dead here)

Warnings: Angst but not bad, Steve Rogers being volatile and chaotic (we love), poorly written accents (I literally read this with an accent in my head), literally a 2k monologue

Word count: 5.1k

Steve Rogers came out of the ice angry.

No— not angry— Steve Rogers came out of the ice fuckin’ furious.

He came out of the ice with his hands curled into two fists, with his jaw clenched so hard his teeth were liable to snap, and with a bone to pick with every damn reporter and historian and too loud opinion on this side of the Brooklyn Bridge.

He came out simmering— no, erupting— like the serum in his blood couldn’t keep his body from hibernation all those years ago but it sure as hell won’t keep him from setting the entirety of New York on fire now. He’ll burn it all down if he has to and rebuild it the way he remembers it— the way Bucky would have remembered it— and at the end of it all no one— not the bigots or deniers or the homophobes that seem to be the only thing that came with him from the forties— will be able to say that Captain America can’t love whoever he wants.

No one will be able to say that Steve Rogers didn’t love James “Bucky” “the man I’ve loved since twelve years old” Barnes with everything he had and then some.

No one.

So he starts with the museums in Washington— because sure it isn’t New York but where else would a relic like himself belong more?

He still has hope when he enters the building. They didn’t make them like this when he was a kid— they had science fairs in the town hall and culture fairs in the backstreets near the docks but never anything this grand. No tall marble pillars or enough stairs to make him wonder if he would have been able to climb to the top when he was half the size he is now. It’s strange. It’s kind of wonderful. Yeah, the Smithsonian museums make Steve Rogers feel small for the first time in a very long time and that gives him hope.

That hope doesn’t last long, though, because soon he’s wandering through the halls, following the signs that say Captain America: The First Avenger— what the hell is an Avenger? Is that what they’re calling soldiers these days? Now he feels small and old.

Turning the corner is like landing on another planet, one devoted entirely to him. His picture is everywhere he looks, his name is in lights, even his damn uniform has been replicated and presented on a little stage and he hates it. The rage is back, sparking at his fingers— he’s a match and lucky for everyone this building is made of stone because if it wasn’t he’s sure it would be reduced to nothing but ash by now.

It only worsens as he begins reading through the plaques and the paragraphs flashing across screens on the walls— he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to that. The more he reads, though, the more he wonders if the stone is really, truly safe from the fire in his blood. He doesn’t think it is.

He surely isn’t at least— he feels like he’s going to explode. This isn’t him— none of this is him. War hero. Martyr. Golden boy. He has to stop reading that plaque— clearly no one did their research. Clearly no one dug up his medical files— or his police records. Brawls at the pub, disorderly conduct behind Mr. De Luca’s sandwich shop, public nudity at the beach that one time— thank you Bucky for the best night of his god damn life. Golden boy— ha.

Golden nobody with the black eye and broken hand is more like it.

For a moment he thinks he’s fine— he thinks it can’t get worse than this. Then he gets to the early life section and for an even longer moment his tongue tastes like gunpowder.

Steven Grant Rogers grew up in the streets of Brooklyn alongside his friend James Buchanan Barnes—

He can’t bring himself to finish the sentence— not when they already got the most important part wrong. Friend. Friend? No, no, no. No! There are a million words in the english language that Steve could use to describe Bucky and ‘friend’ will never be the first one.

How about best friend?

How about partner in crime?

How about soulmate who loved Steve so much that every night for the past forty-eight days since he woke up in an era that Bucky doesn’t exist in he’s cried himself to sleep with the same cherry cola taste of his ‘friend’ on his tongue.

It’s the final straw— Steve loses it.

“Anyone got a marker?”

The museum is quiet before he speaks but when his voice— steadily rising and taking on that New York headiness that his troops used to jazz him about— cuts through the exhibit— his fuckin’ exhibit— it’s silent. It’s dead, almost as dead as Buck— Nobody dares move a muscle as he rips his ball cap off his head and throws it at the statue of himself. Everyone knows who he is— everyone is going to know who he is so help him god.

“I said—” he tries again— “does anyone have a marker?”

It takes a moment for the people around him to pick their jaws up off the floor and he allows them that moment with a smug grin starting to tug on the corners of his lips. Finally— they’re starting to get it.

He’s not a hero; he’s a supernova of every scrawny, queer kid who’s ever gotten beaten to a pulp for kissing who they want.

Maybe then it’s fitting that the marker— when it’s finally produced and placed in his waiting palm— comes from a teenage girl with a shaved head and a blue, pink, and purple denim jacket and a busted lip. She doesn’t say much— only a mumbled here you go— but her eyes say everything that her words don’t. Give em’ hell, Cap. For the first time since waking up he flashes a genuine grin back— yeah, this one’s for you kid.

Steve wastes no time uncapping the sharpie— he’ll look that one up later— and scratching out the error. The blasphemy to his unholy name. It takes him a little longer to decide what to write in its place. There are a million words, sure, but somehow none of them feel right at this moment. None of them are enough. That’s something he’ll have to come to terms with later, though— how much nothing feels like enough anymore without Bucky.

Finally Steve settles on a word and he scribbles it as neatly as he can given the fact that he hasn’t had to write anything in eighty years. When he takes a step back, feeling alive for the first time since waking up, he beckons over the girl with the shaved head and points to the place where he’s taken it upon himself to correct history.

“Hey kid, why don’t you go ahead and read that outloud for everyone here.”

He allows another moment— this time because she deserves the time it takes for her eyes to light up and the smile to stretch across her bruised mouth.

Steve laughs— a rusted, croaky laugh; another first in forever— when her head whips around, facing him as she loudly proclaims: “It says boyfriend. Steve Rogers grew up in the streets of Brooklyn alongside his boyfriend Bucky Barnes!”

“Damn right I did—” he mutters to the kid before taking a step towards the crowd of gaping mouths. “Did you all hear that? Don’t worry if ya’ didn’t— I’ll say it one more time. Boyfriend. Bucky was my boyfriend and if he was here today he would be my husband. If any of you have a problem with that then feel free to take it up with me. I took on half of Brooklyn for that man and I’ll do it again.”

When no one says anything Steve nods, turning to hand the girl back her marker and to thank her— he may be angry but he hasn’t lost all his manners— but when he looks at her she doesn’t look back. Instead she takes the same step forward that he had, one of her hands balled into a tiny, shaking fist at her side and the other wrapped around a cell phone that’s pointed towards the crowd. He doesn’t understand the mechanics but he thinks she’s recording.

“You hear that?” She parrots the super soldier with a wavering but fierce voice. “Captain America likes men! And none of you can deny it!”

This time it’s his mouth that drops, watching as she shakily turns the camera off and spins back around. Before Steve can say anything, though, she’s talking again, this time hastier, and he can’t help but think that she sounds so much like him. All flushed and scrawny and pissed.

“I’m sorry, I’ll delete the recording if you want but, I jus’ know these bigots are gonna’ try and cover everything up and that would be a fuckin’ shame. I don’t know if you know how many kids need to hear this. I did— and I think they should too. Only if you want, of course.”

He doesn’t answer right away— he can’t. It’s like looking at himself at fifteen. Suddenly he’s back again, his feet hanging in the water as his boyfriend paces behind him, asking if he’s ready to have him look at his knuckles yet. He didn’t get that many good punches in— the scrapes are mostly from the pavement— but Buck always worries too much so it doesn’t matter. The protective idiot.

Steve shakes his head, blinking away the sunset lingering behind his eyes. “Bucky woulda’ loved you, kid.”

The next time he loses it— the next time he turns into more flame than man— is after he saves the city he’s been trying to burn down for three months.

It isn’t long after that day in the museum when Nick Fury decides it would be best for everyone if Steve goes back into the field. Of course, no one really asks him what he wants— they pretty much just shove a new suit into his hands and tell him to get training, Captain— but what else is new?

No one really comments on his outburst besides that either. Can you really call it an outburst when you’re just trying to reclaim the parts of you that have been stolen? Sure, the press gets a hold of the story and, true to what the kid had said, tries to twist it into something more digestible, but no one actually addresses it up with Steve. Apparently when someone saves the world as good as he does no one cares that they kiss men.

Or that they don’t wanna’ to actually save the world anymore.

See, in those three months— between the training and training and even more training that Steve Rogers begrudgingly obliges— he has time to catch up on the world. More importantly, he has time to catch up on what the world thinks of him. He scours a plethora of documentaries, scholarly essays, and whole books of information about his time as Captain America. Well— his time as Captain America when it mattered. In all his scouring he learns one thing: everything written about him is wrong.

It’s all so fuckin’ wrong.

Just why the hell would he want to save a world so bent on destroying who he is?

The Smithsonian exhibition was nothing compared to what’s been written in the eighty years he spent in the ice. Better yet, nothing compared to what hasn’t been written about him. They’ve taken an eraser to every part of his life that doesn’t fit with the golden image that they constructed for him. A.k.a. every part that matters. His relationship, his past, every little thing that made him supposedly perfect for the role he was given. Gone. Erskine told him he was a good man— apparently he was the only one who thought so.

Apparently being a good man isn’t good enough.

They only wanted the perfect soldier. Yeah, well, they had one and they fucked him over too. Don’t even get him started on what they did to Bucky— Steve doesn’t want to think about what Winnifred— Winnie for short— Barnes would do if she saw the history books erasing her baby’s Jewish roots. Or his relationship. It wouldn’t be pretty, that’s for damn sure. If ever there was someone more protective than Bucky it would have been his mother. Not that there’s a damn note about her in anything either though.

Maybe that’s the final straw that does him in this time— watching the place that Mrs. Barnes loved more than almost anything else in the world crumble, while also knowing that the world no longer gives a shit about the two people she loved more.

“Mr. Rogers, this is where you grew up, is it not? Is there anything you would like to say about what took place here in your home city today?”

Maybe he pretends not to hear the last part— maybe he really does only hear up until where the reporter asks him if there is anything he wants to say. He’s been around quite his fair share of explosions; it would make sense that his hearing is a little off. Maybe he just doesn’t care anymore, though.

Scratch that— he definitely doesn’t care anymore.

And why the fuck should he? He does have something to say and propriety be damned he’s going to say it.

Steve stares into the crowd of faceless reporters and flashing cameras with a scowl on his grimey face. Around him stand the other Avengers— his ‘team’. The last time he had a team the historians screwed up the history for every single member. Dugan, Morita, Falsworth, Jones, Dernier, Sawyer, Juniper, Pinkerton. Barnes. All of them were brave men with families and sacrifices and all of them were treated like jokes by ‘reporters’ just like the ones in front of him now. He really doubts there’s a difference between old and new journalism.

The only difference is that now he’s here and this time he’s not going to let them write anything but the damn truth.

“It is—” Steve muses, brushing the sweaty hair from his forehead— “I’m surprised you know that though.”

The reporter cocks his head, clearly confused, and it makes the super soldier’s blood boil. “Come again, sir?”

“I said I’m surprised you know where I was born, kid.” This time when he says the word— kid— it’s derogatory. “Ya’ know, considering how you all seem to know nothing about me otherwise.”

Steve almost smiles at the way the crowd tenses. He actually would if it weren’t for the white hot rage coursing through his veins, mingling with the last of the adrenaline leftover in his system. It gives him an extra kick— not that he needs it. Even when he was just a runt from the wrong side of the tracks he needed nothing more than an offhand comment to raise his fists. Fighting to Steve Rogers has always been intoxicating— the aftershocks of winning the battle just makes it more thrilling now.

Who knew, right?

“Sir I asked—” The reporter sputters and Steve simply holds a hand up, silencing him before he can start again.

“Yeah I know what you asked, alright. You want me to talk about the battle here in New York today and how I am more than happy to have risked my life to save it. But I can’t do that, kid. Because I didn’t save it for you. I didn’t save it for any of you.”

Steve feels his team tense— maybe were it any other time he would stop talking. He would just leave it, let the issue go, because Bucky would tell him too. They aren’t worth it, bruiser, he would say, they aren’t worth your blood. Maybe he would listen to his boyfriend because usually he was right. Bucky was always right. So yeah, maybe he would list—

Who is he kidding; he knows he wouldn’t.

Not then and certainly not now— not when Bucky isn’t here to defend himself against everything Steve has been reading about. That’s exactly why he doesn’t stop talking. Someone has to defend him and who better of a person than him? So, yeah, he keeps going, even when he hears footsteps behind him.

“You wanna’ know who I did save it for? James Barnes, that’s who I saved it for! You see, just around that corner there is a bookstore. Rickley Books. That was my boyfriend's favourite bookstore. You know, the man who gave his life to stop a train in Austria from reaching the enemies? Yeah that was him. That train was filled with supplies. Had it reached their headquarters, who knows if we’d be standing here today. If there would be a New York at all. Not that you would know that. But who cares about that dead sergeant from the 107th, right? There’s plenty just like him.”

Steve shrugs nonchalantly— a move he picked up from the very man he’s speaking about— but he spits his words at the reporters with enough venom to cancel out any peace that the action brings. That’s his own move.

He keeps going. “You know who else I saved it for? His mother. Yeah, his mother Winnie Barnes. Wonderful lady. She used to run a soup kitchen a couple blocks from here. Kept the rift raft like myself from going hungry most nights— I was a brawler, you know.”

A couple of reporters in the crowd laugh at that and Steve flinches, his vision tinting red as he cranes his neck, seeking them out.

“Oh you think that’s funny, do you? You think I’m joking? I’m not. You ever been backed into a corner, son? Had people hurl slurs at you that I can’t even repeat today? Ever been beaten up for loving your best friend? No, I bet you haven’t. You weren’t a queer kid in the thirties. That’s hard— that’s borderline impossible actually. I only made it because of people like Winnie Barnes. That woman was a saint but nobody talks about her either.”

Steve has to take a deep breath, clearing the rasp in his voice that rises as he dwells on the woman he called his second mother for so long. She wasn’t just a saint, she was an angel. He can’t cry here though, not now. Not even as his throat begins to tighten.

“Winnie was the type of lady who didn’t let anyone walk over the little people. She used to sit me down and say Stevie you gotta’ fight for what you want because ain’t nobody gonna’ give it to you. She told me that I shouldn’t have to but that there were going to be people who would try to tear me down just for being me. And she was right— just like her son— because that was the era, you know? But now, here in the twenty-first century, you’re all still trying to tear us down.”

A hand lands on his shoulder, small fingers tugging at where his suit has begun to tear. Natasha Romanoff. He meets her gaze quickly, neck craning to stare down the red head, and in the few seconds their eyes meet it’s like Bucky is next to him. Somehow the blue in her irises catches the falling sun just like his used to. Steve can hear the gruff of his voice in the depths of his mind. Back down, bruiser. The sentiment is echoed across Nat’s face.

Steve shakes her hand off him, turning back to the reporters— don’t they know that he can’t?

“You all say you care about me, huh? That I’m a hero? You know nothing about me— you don’t want to. Before I was a soldier I was a kid. A queer kid. I said that already but let me repeat it. Queer. Did you write that down? None of you certainly did before. That’s how I know that you don’t care— because in an age where being queer is infinitely more accepted you still don’t bother to write it down.”

He pauses for another breath, shutting his eyes against the blinking red lights of the cameras. They’re like little demons, always watching his every move. Recording. Everything’s always recorded these days. Will he ever be used to that? Bucky was the technology guy, not him. Not then and not now.

When Steve picks up again— eyes open and shoulders freshly straight— it’s on a new note— a clear note.

“You don’t care about me— you certainly don’t care about the real heroes of the war because if you did you wouldn’t erase our history. Do you know how much it would have meant to Bucky to see our relationship accepted? The man who died for you? How much it would’ve meant to his mother? You can’t just pick which of our stories and our sacrifices are worthy and which aren't.”

He hasn’t spoken this much since he’s woken up, not all at once at least. Maybe he should have, though— maybe if he had then he wouldn’t feel like ripping the heads off everyone in front of him right now. Call it fight or flight. Call it revenge. Hell, call it whatever you’d like because it doesn’t really matter. Either way he feels like a kid again— again— backed into a corner behind the deli with his fists up and his teeth bared.

He feels feral again.

“So now you just want me to save the world like I did— like Bucky did— all those years ago— or maybe jus’ New York— as if that’s any better— and you don’t even bother to write a proper article about me? Hell, I never even asked for an article, let alone a whole exhibit! I’m just a soldier— and before that I was just a kid. If there’s never another article written about me I’ll be grateful. But now that I’m here, standing in front of you, I’ll say this—”

Just as Steve’s voice is cresting into a shout that would no doubt be heard regardless of whether or not the microphones were in front of him, Natasha tries one more time, her fingers slipping between his.

Her voice is a dull buzz compared to his, only reaching his ears by sheer will. “C’mon Stevie— we gotta’ go now.”

Like before he’s stunned but this time instead of seeing Buck— instead of hearing him in his head— he hears Winnie.

You fought good, honey. You fought good for us. You can rest now.

It’s jarring and it’s not lost on him the handful of awkward seconds that it takes for him to respond. That’s just the effect Winnie had on people though— still has, apparently. Steve shakes his head— I know, mama. But I gotta’ finish this fight.

“No, Nat— I’ve got to say this.” Steve mumbles— voice just beginning to waver despite how hard he clenches his jaw— before sneering at the crowd one last time.

“If I ever read an article from any of you that discredits Bucky Barnes, our relationship, or myself just know that I’ll come for you. I’ll come for this city. Don’t you ever forget who I saved it for. James Barnes, Winnie Barnes, and every queer kid who’s ever felt erased because of people like you. The bigots in the forties couldn’t stop me. The Nazis couldn’t stop me. Not even the Atlantic Ocean could stop me. So don’t think for a second that any of you could either. Have a good day.”

With that Captain America turns, marching off the impromptu stage and beginning the trek back to his apartment. He doesn’t bother looking at his team as he passes them— he can imagine their stunned faces well enough on his own. No doubt he’ll be getting another assignment from Fury soon enough to make up for this ‘outburst’ too. Still, he feels a little bit better. There’s an ache in his shoulder, and one under his ribs too, but he still smiles as he passes Rickman and Sons Books. That must mean something good.

The last time Steve Rogers burns he doesn’t burn the way he’s expecting to— he doesn’t vandalize his own name or blow up at a reporter. No, the third time— the final time— that Steve Rogers burns it’s with nostalgia— and with a damn good cup of coffee in his hand.

“I had no idea this place was even here.” The girl across from Steve muses, tiny hands shifting the steaming cup back and forth.

Her name is Ellie, he learned that back at the museum after asking for a copy of the video she took. He barely knew how to use his phone back then, let alone his email— hell, both still confuse him more often than not— but she had been patient. A little awestruck and a little riled up too but he took it in stride— easily. It’s not hard being nice to the spitting image of him.

“I’m glad I’m good for something other than making the news.” Steve chuckles and this time he means it— there’s no malice or ill intent, only humor. “O’Malley’s ‘s been here longer than I have. Looked a little different then—” he takes a moment to let his eyes wander the old coffee shop and it’s new appliances— a moment to feel his age catch up to him— “but I guess I did too.”

Ellie’s laughter joins in there and it’s strange— strange that he hasn’t laughed with another person in seven, almost eight, months; strange that her laughs sound so much like Bucky’s when they were younger; strange that Bucky isn’t here to hear. Here to laugh, too. Because he would have.

He would have called Steve an old man, would have wrapped his arm around his shoulders, would have asked— no, demanded— that Ellie try the plum cobbler. They always made the best cobbler. Bucky always had the best laugh. All grit and breath and him. Steve feels warm just thinking about it.

“Well thanks for letting me in on the secret, I’ll make sure to guard it carefully.” She even has Bucky’s warm sarcasm.

Maybe it’s not so much like looking in a mirror as it is looking at what he wishes he and his boyfriend could have been back then.

“And thanks for letting me interview you—” Ellie continues, setting the cup down but not before nodding at it, her eyes wide— “wow. You weren’t kidding about the joe, huh? Anyway— thanks for scheduling this. I know you’re probably super busy— and that there are more well established people you could have gone to.”

Steve sets his own mug down too— if he hadn’t there’s a possibility it would be more puddle than porcelain. “Well established means nothin’, kid. Not when you don’t have heart. They’re parasites, all of ‘em. The press couldn’t care less about me.”

Ellie nods, lifting the lid of her laptop. It’s a little bit dented and slathered in stickers, not quite the newest model— he would know, he has the newest one and it’s still sitting in his apartment in the box. Yet another testament to how little the people around him truly know him.

“Welcome to the twenty-first century, can I get you a side of classism with that commercialism?”

Now she sounds like Winnie too.

“Say, has anyone ever told you that you’re funny?”

She shrugs, tilting her head, a lopsided grin glued to her face. “Once or twice— I never know if they mean it or if they just want me to shut up. I never do so I guess we’ll never know.”

Steve sputters out another laugh because; “I guess we’re the same then— never give them a moment, kid. That’s the best advice I can give you.” He pauses— again— he supposes it’s going to be a day of pausing— he supposes it’s about time he pauses— before adding, “Bucky would’ve scolded me for saying that.”

Ellie’s fingers, swift and deft over the machine— Steve hadn’t even seen her begin to type— pause too as her smile softens. “What would he have said instead?”

Her question shouldn’t catch off guard— this is why he asked her to meet him; to finally, properly write his story— their story. Still he pauses— Steve’s empty hands feel hot, his shoulders warm; bare— what would he have said? It doesn’t take long to hear his boyfriend’s voice, not there but somehow loud in his ear all the same.

Just relax— they aren’t worth it. It’s too nice out to care about anything but the water— are you coming in or not? Summer doesn’t last forever, you know?

It’s impossible but Steve can feel the sun on his back and on his ears again, like he’s there— like he’s back, sixteen and on fire. Those were the days where everything made him cold. The days where his skin burned no matter the season but especially in August which was when the ocean was warm enough to swim in. It never stopped him from joining Buck— nothing could have stopped him. His cheeks warm, too, at the thought.

Steve blinks, his own smile— perhaps a little lopsided in it’s own right— shaping over his mouth. “He would have told you to relax— and to try the plum cobbler. It’s fantastic.”

With another giggle— and a reiterated comment— has anyone ever told you you’re funny, Steve?— they fall into a conversation, just a kid and a relic, about life. It’s not an easy conversation— but then again those kinds never are. It’s real, though, and unedited. Unfiltered. Just the way Erskine and Winnie and Bucky would have liked it— the only way Steve wants it. It’s not perfect but, hell, Steve has never been perfect.

He’s never wanted to be.

Maybe Steve doesn’t know everything his boyfriend would say— and maybe he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t blow up once or twice after today— but he can confidently say that he gave Brooklyn a run for her money— twice— and lived to tell the tale. He can say then when it mattered, he burned. That he still burns. That he will until he doesn’t— until he’s extinguished.

But, hey, though Summer doesn’t last forever, not even the Atlantic could extinguish the flame that is Steve Rogers.

That’s what he writes— in Sharpie— on the card he writes to Ellie— the one attached to the computer he knows he’ll never use.

[pedropascallovebot]

Let's Kill Tonight

summary: You're a bit out of practice, but being entrusted with the retrieval and return of Helmut Zemo shouldn't be too hard, right? Even if he is your old sorta-boss and you still are nursing unfortunate loyalty towards the team. You can manage. And him being... slightly more attractive than how you last left him won't be a problem.

Right?

warnings and a/n: i have.... no clue what this is if not a complete rewrite of mcu canon purely for self-indulgence. reader has a kinda shady past and in result will talk graphically about violence in later chapters and there's lots of gun action in this one. very fun, very cool! alright. i hope y'all enjoy teehee

—

The weather where you're at doesn’t usually vary much from a sunny sky, but alas, you’re absolutely drenched by the time you step inside the diner. You hadn’t expected the rain. Your usual five minute walk to work turned into a hike through muddy sidewalks and water droplets that kept hitting your eyes, and by the time you tied your apron around your waist the day felt over before it even started. Your boss gives you a closed-lip smile and glances at your empty section of tables, and you just know you’re going to be late on rent again.

For what it’s worth, Lüleburgaz isn’t the worst place to slip under the radar. It’s not underpopulated by any means, but it makes it perfect to blend in with the crowd as best you can. Honestly, you're just trying to make it a day without a proper therapist. Your roommates are great listeners, don't get it twisted- but all they really know about you is you're Sokovian and they don't really need to hear about the stuff that happened before your country was crushed by some guys in tights and iron suits. They don't ask you much, and you're grateful.  After an unfortunate five-year gap in employment (which isn’t your fault- it’s kinda hard to find jobs when you’re reduced to dust unexpectedly) you were lucky to find somewhere that was willing to hire you without a legally issued identification card and that was also willing to pay in cash under the table. You broke out the books and attempted to learn the language as best as you can, and while you're struggling a bit, you can at least understand the menu and what a customer is ordering. It was far from ideal- ideal would be completely erasing any trace of memory regarding you and your… history, so to speak, from anybody who has the potential to be a threat to you. Ideal could also be an island somewhere, maybe Praslin or Nassau, where you could swim in clear waters and drink copious amounts of fancy fruity drinks instead of whatever liquor your roomies had hiding under the counter. But until that happens, being on the sorta-run for some questionable past career choices seems to stick.

Said questionable career choices led you to be introduced to a network of interesting people, some less horrible than others, but all of them carried the same unmistakable signal of danger displayed in flashing lights above their heads. When you hear the bell to the restaurant door jingle, signaling the arrival of someone new, that weird gut feeling activates and your eyes flicker up to see a pair of high heels and sunglasses, even though the sun hasn’t been out all day. Everyone else eating their food don’t even spare a glance to the door. This should comfort you, it should tell you that you're fine and that there's nothing to worry about, but it absolutely doesn’t and suddenly you’re inconspicuously making your way to the back, muttering something to your boss about taking your break early. Ripping off your apron, you throw it to the side and let it land on the ground next to you, and you lean your head against the brick wall behind you. Your fingers are twitching as the pressing issue of impending doom continues to rise in your gut. You barely register the creaking sound of the back gate opening.

“Do you want a cigarette?” Suddenly, you’re in fighting stance as an unfamiliar voice speaks less than a foot away from your ear. You don’t recognize this new face, but she looks expensive and entirely too out of place for a diner that receives in its eggs already prepared and frozen.

“I’ll take that as a no, then,” she continues, and fishes a lighter and pack out of her coat pocket. “Good choice. These things will kill you- and so will this godawful food you serve here. What a relief that after today you won’t step foot in this place ever again, huh?”

Your mouth opens to say something, but you decide against it. Instead, you slightly lower your fists, keeping your eyes trained on her seemingly unbothered expression. She takes a long drag of her cigarette before giving you any more information. The silence is deafening, and you mentally take note of the clear path you have through the open fence and towards the street if you chose to run. Something tells you this lady didn’t arrive here on foot though, and she probably had an expensive vehicle waiting out front waiting to catch up to you if you chose to make a break for it.

“You’re jumpy- probably a little bit out of practice from the whole ex-assassin thing, right? I can work with that. I have to applaud you: as far as hide and seek spots go, this wasn’t horrible. We’ll have to improve your people skills, but-“

“Who are you?”

You grow increasingly frustrated as it starts to sprinkle again, leaving you cold and wet as your company opens an umbrella she had previously stored away in her coat.

“I don’t like being interrupted, so let’s not make it a habit, hm? My name is Valentina Allegra de Fontaine, and you’ve become annoyingly important to my cause. Come on, we’re leaving.”

She begins to walk towards the gate, but you stay put, beginning to toy with the idea of unsheathing the knife stored in your boot.

“I’m not going anywhere with you, lady.”

This makes her turn around and sigh in frustration.

“The way I see it, you have two choices. Go back and finish bussing tables so you can make an extra couple dollars, or come with me so we can talk real business. As far as I’m concerned, you’re the only one between the two of us that poses a threat. I’m not the one with weapons hidden in my clothes, am I?”

Your eyes narrow, but you don’t argue. Instead, you hesitantly join her in her path towards a gaudy car (you knew it) that looks way too out of place to be in this parking lot. For a split second you consider going back and giving your manager somewhat of a notice of your absence, but Valentina’s walking so fast that you don’t really have time to continue considering.

“By the way, I distinctively said my name is Valentina Allegra de Fontaine- I don’t like to repeat myself, don’t make me do it again.”

-

You barely have time to sit down before Valentina is barking directions at her driver and scolding you for getting rain water in her backseat. You remain silent, and a little bit uncomfortable as Val finishes her cigarette completely before bothering to inform you of whatever the hell she’s got going on.

“Tell me what you know about super soldiers,” she finally gives, crossing her legs and glances at you expectantly.

You search her face for any kind of indication that she’s kidding, but she seems serious. It kinda feels like your soul is being stared into and you want to look away but you can’t. What does she not know about super soldiers that she can learn from you and not from literally anywhere else? Admittedly, all you know is what clips of newspapers would give you. Something about rogue experimentation, something-something Winter Soldier, and then, most recently, the Flag-Smashers and the rumors flying around that they've got some serum floating around. All of this seemed to be public knowledge though. Nothing a woman who’s willing to corner people in the backlots of their jobs couldn’t find out from a simple Google search.

“I asked you a question, didn’t I?”

“I can’t say I know much.”

For what feels like the millionth time in the span of twenty minutes, she sighs, bringing out her cell phone and starts punching some buttons.

“And what about this man? Does he ring a bell?”

You do your absolute best to not look as tense as you feel when out of the corner of your eye you see a familiar face in a tiny, grainy picture. She shoves the device in your hands, and right there center of the screen is-

“Zemo, right? That was a trick question. Hard to forget the face of your old boss, I’d assume.”

Suddenly, you’re upright in your seat, the earlier feeling of danger settling right back into place. Valentina, of course, just lets out a laugh, while you’re planning on swan-diving out the damn window.

“The Colonel isn’t my boss,” you protest, and a burning sensation makes its way to your throat.

“Isn’t he though?” Valentina is now fully turned towards you, her hand reaching to grab the phone back. More buttons are pressed, and she’s reading your name from an official looking online database. “It says here you’re wanted in a lot of countries, huh? I wonder why that is- oh, look at this, would you? Seems like your name and EKO Scorpion are mentioned in the same sentence at least three times just on this page.”

Your eyes narrow, and you waste no more time in grabbing your gun from your coat pocket, and Valentina seems to have the same idea, the phone  in her hands is now replaced with a much newer and nicer pistol than you’re carrying. It’s silent in the car for a few seconds, and the driver in the front dares not move a muscle. Val is the first to break, and she lowers her weapon with a shit-eating grin you’re growing tired of seeing.

“Let’s start over. You’re associated with an elite death squad assigned to defend the interests of a country that’s no more than a pile of rubble and dead memorial flowers on the ground. You never had an official invitation, but they paid you good enough money for you to get your hands dirty for them. Too bad that without a leader, your little syndicate fell apart, didn’t it? Unfortunate, what happened to him really. And how inconvenient it must have been for you- I’m sure the law doesn’t usually side with individuals associated with terrorists. Luckily for you, you had a five-year break from being on the run.”

The urge to fall back into old form and pull the trigger at the slightest sign of trouble starts to rear its ugly head, but you take a deep breath and try to align your focus to your current situation. This doesn’t have to be deadly. She knows your history, she knows your name. She could just be blackmailing you. Easy fix, offer her better information on individuals that are far, far away from you. You’re sure you can think of something juicy enough to entertain her and fray her interest in you. This doesn’t have to end in a gunshot. She has access to all of the shit you’ve done. You don’t know what she knows. She could be from the American government. Kill her, and lessen the risk of being thrown in a prison cell to rot.You’re desperate, and you’re scared, and it’s making you vulnerable. You take another deep breath in, and lower your gun.

“What do you want?” Valentina falls back into her seat, clearly very amused by the entire situation now that guns weren’t drawn.

“The Flag-Smashers are becoming increasingly difficult as they’re forming alliances with seemingly every gang of mercenaries for hire. The serum belongs in the hands of someone who knows what to do with it, don’t you think?”

This lady is clearly out of her mind, but you’re too far in now and you don’t feel like questioning her on her morals or the ethics of this situation.

“I don’t want any business with Morganthau, and I don’t care about super soldiers. If that’s all you need me for, you might as well find someone else.”

“Who said anything about you dealing with Flag-Smashers? No, for you,” she starts, grabbing the phone once more and resuming that annoying clicking as she searches through various links, “I have a slightly less… hazardous task. No killing involved, sadly. I’m sure your lovely skillset will keep until it’s needed, but you will be finding Zemo for me, where I can pay him far too much money so he’ll kill the Flag-Smashers for me.”

It’s your turn to laugh, now. “In case you haven’t heard, Helmut Zemo is rotting away in prison for the rest of his life. How is he going to be of any help to you?”

Valentina doesn’t bother giving you a verbal response, just shoves that damn phone in your face again. You glare at her before your eyes skim over the article. Breakout. Zemo. The Falcon. Prison. You curse internally, and she lets her arm fall back to her side. You realize you haven’t been paying too much attention to where the driver was taking you both until you feel the vehicle holt to a stop, and you look up to realize you’re in a parking garage, and the faint sounds of airplanes fly overhead.

“As of now, you and I are a two-man team, but this won’t be the case for long. Zemo is with Sam Wilson and James Barnes in a safehouse in Riga. You and I aren’t the only ones looking for him, however, which makes your job a little tricky, but I don’t have much faith in the guy assigned in returning him to Berlin.”

“Who is he?”

“I assume the name John Walker doesn’t need an explanation?”

You shake your head.

“Walker can be of use to us, and we’re gonna need him- just not yet. What I need from you at the current moment is to make sure you get to these coordinates,” the driver is suddenly handing you a slip of paper with numbers scribbled on it, and you take it, “before Walker gets Zemo.”

You inhale, and Valentina gives you a look.

“I assume you have a question?”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to get Walker on your side sooner? Maybe if you could say the right thing, persuade him to bring Zemo to us-"

Valentina cuts you off with a scoff. “What? That if we tell Captain America to hand over an international prisoner so we can extract information and hire him to kill for us he’ll do it? Walker wants one thing right now: he wants that serum. Coincidentally, your friend Zemo wants that serum gone. IF we get to him first, which you will, he’ll be more than happy to oblige. Walker is at a tipping point, but he’s not useful to us. Yet. We just have to wait until he's vulnerable.”

She takes your silence as an okay to continue. “Get to Latvia, find Zemo. Use that pretty face of yours to charm him into coming with you, maybe share some war stories around the campfire. I don’t give a damn how you get it done. Walker’s already halfway there by now.”

You are really starting to question how Valentina is getting her information, but before you can say anything else, she’s motioning for her driver to slide another piece of paper in your hand. Your eyes go wide at the numbers listed after a dollar sign.

“I assume this would be enough to cover your services?”

You look up at her, nodding your head slightly.

“Half now, half when you bring him to me,” she finishes, and the driver is unlocking your side of the car. “It looks like we’re in business then.”

[yacoka]

FIFTY FIRST DATES, AND THE FIRST REAL ONE

──⊱ for my one and only, wee to my woo, love of my life — @doughnuts-5ever

pairing — kuroo tetsurou x reader

genre — angst but it ends very fluffily i swear on my doggie socks

beta(s) — @sugasugawarau @taiyaki 

kisses — hello i am,,, not back,, but here's a little thing that i did for my cow and it might as well be a valentine's day fic bc why not xoxo see y'all in a few days (psps sorry to everyone to has messaged me on discord or here or anything, i haven't been on tumblr or discord in a bit i'll be back sOON)

You sat at the dinner table, staring down at the meal laid out before you. It was by far the best thing you had ever tasted, and yet, it was bland. So, so bland and bitter, that you hated it. Nevermind that it was your favorite dish made by your mother the other day, nevermind that you always loved it better as leftovers. It tasted bland and bitter, and you couldn’t help but wish what he was eating tonight was too.

It was pathetically selfish of you - you knew. But how could you not feel that way when the man you loved was out on a date with some stranger he met on the internet? He had left the house in a burgundy button up that looked like it was made for him, paired with black slacks that made him look like it should be illegal for him to be out in the streets without a warning sign.

It was his first attempt at online dating after having miserably failed at picking up girls from school. And now here he was, out with some chick with a name you could barely pronounce, and the stereotypical description of her bubbly personality that loved nature and volunteered at the animal shelter. Oh, and lets not forget, she’s a gemini!

You rolled your eyes, stabbing your fork into the now cold dish. Stupid boy, with his stupid date, with that stupid red shirt, and with his stupid personality.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. That’s what you were for falling in love with a boy who never saw you for more than another pity project, the pathetic little thing that needed friends but never had any guts to make one until he came along.

You picked up the container of food and stalked over to the bin, dropping its contents into it. You weren’t going to eat it anyways, especially not after how you had  massacred it.

After you left the dirty container in the sink, you flopped onto the couch, sighing heavily as you sank into the worn sofa. It smelled like Kuroo’s body soap, though from the amount of time he’s spent lying on this couch, it was to be expected.

You leaned forward, hand outstretched for the remote. Just a little further, a little more-

The door slammed open and you lurched forward, landing on the ground with a thud.

“It was horrible. She came into the restaurant and she looked amazing, but then we started talking and oh god, I don’t think I can be with someone who thinks that only the rich should be allowed to do whatever they want just because they’re rich.”

“Well hello to you too, Kuroo,” you grumbled from your spot on the floor, flipping yourself over to face the ceiling.

He jumped over the sofa arm, landing perfectly on it like he always does.

“I mean, how can I accept that? That’s just morally wrong and if her basic morals are wrong, what about other more important things? I walked out right after that, that doesn’t make me an asshole right?” His head popped out, brown eyes staring down at you. The cologne he wore tonight drifted down, washing over you and clouding your mind with its deliciously warm and thick and-

“I mean I did pay for the meal before I left,” he mutters, dropping his head onto the cushion, voice muffled slightly by it. “So it counters the fact that I left, right?”

The sigh that begs to pull its way out is caught by you, stuffed into the depths of your stomach in exchange for a soft pat on his head and words you know he wants to hear.

“No, you’re not an asshole. Maybe that was an asshole move, but that doesn’t make you one. Besides, her lack of a moral compass cancels out any asshole you might’ve been.” You combed through his hair, drawing it out of the careful style he had forced his bed head into. “This hairstyle though? It makes you look like an extreme asshole.”

Kuroo scoffed indignantly and his head popped back over the edge once more, brown eyes glaring at you. “I worked hard on this!”

“Doesn’t make you look any less of an ass.”

“The date was incredible.” He sighed dreamily, leaning against the counter with his chin in his hand. The temptation to throw your fork at him increased, and it took every sane cell in your body to set it down on the table instead, albeit rougher than you intended.

If Kuroo noticed your intensity, he didn’t mention it, instead continuing on to sigh and gush about the wonderful date he had last night with this amazing woman at this delicious place.

For someone who was incredibly perceptive, he could be incredibly dense as well. You wonder at his obliviousness to your feelings, to the poorly concealed hurt that peeked through in every little move of your body.

All you wanted to do was scream at him, to wake up, open his eyes, and see you.

You, who had been there since the beginning, who had watched him grow from the shy, introverted kid to this cunning, charismatic man who excelled and went beyond what had been expected of him. You, who had seen him at his worst, and still stayed, patching him up and helping him to his feet. You, who knew who he was to the core, every detail, every fact about him.

But it seemed he didn’t know you as well.

“That’s great,” you interrupt him. He glanced at you, surprised by your abruptness. “I gotta go get some work done, I’ll talk to you tomorrow morning.”

“Wait, did I do something wrong?” He called after your retreating back. “Hey, I’m sorry if I pissed you off.”

“No, it’s nothing!” You slammed the door shut, slumping against it. God, you were a fool to have fallen for an idiot. Dashing away the burning tears that slip down your cheeks, you gathered just enough strength to crawl beneath onto your bed and beneath the covers.

The cat plushie he got you a long time ago sits at the bottom of your bed, staring at you. You glared at it, before giving in and grabbing it, tucking it into your chest. Stupid Kuroo with his stupid face and this stupid cat. You hate him so much.

(No, you don’t, you really don’t. And it hurts so much more to know that.)

You’re back here once more, glaring daggers at the clock. The slow ticking of the hands pisses you off, every second gone is a second more Kuroo’s out there, with another girl, on another date. With the number of bad first dates he’s gone one, you’d think he’d give up. But no, this man was persistent, and he wanted to “experience life!”

Well, he was going to experience death soon if he didn’t come back home soon. Your vigil continued, all the way till three am where you gave up and went to bed, your exhaustion outweighing your annoyance and worry. He’s a grown man, there was no need to worry about him.

Honestly, you didn’t know how you got here. To this suffocating silence that rested upon your chest, pinning you down as you listened to the sounds of cars rushing past and the occasional laughter that seeped through the walls. To where you spent your nights alone in your shared apartment, waiting for Kuroo to come home from yet another date. Like some married person waiting on their cheating husband, you smiled bitterly at the ceiling.

Only you weren’t married to him, and you certainly weren't his anything.

If only you were less of a fool, you might’ve moved on long ago. Maybe you might have even found someone who might be just as in love with you as you were with them. You might have already been in a happy relationship, going out on dates, spending your nights with them, being loved. But you were a fool, a fool in love with another fool.

So you continued to lie there, the infinite weight of your one-sided love pressing you into the ground, holding you prisoner to Kuroo Tetsurou.

“Hey, do you wanna go get dinner?” Kuroo called out. “There’s nothing left in the fridge, maybe we could get groceries after.”

You ignored him, focusing on the dimly lit screen of your phone. There hadn't been a proper conversation with him in a while, and you were content to leave it that way if only it meant you didn’t have to hear about his dates with those seemingly perfect women and their seemingly perfect food.

Kuroo called out once more, and you burrowed beneath the blanket, curling up into a ball.

No, you did not want to get dinner with the man you’re so desperately in love with it almost hurts to even breathe in his presence.

The door creaked open, and you could see his shadow stretch out across your bedroom floor, casting its shape upon your walls. It took everything in you to tear your eyes away from it and back onto your phone, though it lingered in your peripheral, taunting you with the way it twisted and leaned closer to you, the scent of his cologne growing stronger by the second, until it almost felt like he wa-

“Why are you ignoring me?” Kuroo whined into your ear as he draped his body over yours, strands of inky hair tickling your cheek.

“Ku-roo-” you gasped out, fighting to twist your body out from under him. “Can’t- bre-breathe.”

He groaned into your ear, dropping even more pressure down. “Don’t care, you ignored me.” He sulked as he burrowed his head into the crook of your neck.

A blind kick to his legs has him flopping off you, spread eagle on your too tiny bed.

“You’re too heavy to be pulling this crap,” you snapped at him.

“And you’re too old to be ignoring me when something’s wrong,” he shot back just as fast, and you were left stunned. To be fair, you should have expected it, Kuroo being one of the most perceptive people you’ve ever met.

(Not perceptive enough to see the deep feelings you harbored for him though.)

“So what’s wrong?”

‘Everything,’ you wanted to scream. ‘You, those stupid dates, my feelings, every god damned thing on earth.’

Instead, what came out was: “I’m just stressed. Work, you know?” You shot him an unconvincing smile.

Kuroo frowned, his lips pinching as he stared at you. He knew better than to push you though, and settled with a curt nod, a forced smile slipping onto his face. “So…. dinner?”

You sighed in exasperation, and let him yank you up and out of bed. The way his stiff smile melted into an easy, fond one was enough to wash away your hesitance, and temporarily dam up the river of doubts that threatened to drown you.

Just for tonight, you’ll enjoy his presence, before he gets caught up in another’s embrace.

(You let yourself get swept up in him again, chasing after the ebb of his warmth when his encompassing presence surges away from you. But you find that you don’t really mind drowning in him, not when the peak of the surf reveals such beautiful sights in the form of lazy smirks and sly hazel eyes.)

It’s another failed date that sends him home in a fitted suit, one that you had turned your nose up at. Kuroo doesn’t understand what’s going wrong, why he never felt like the date was right. The people he had gone on dates with were nothing short of amazing, with the exception of a few. But they just lacked… something. And so he always leaves them with a grateful goodbye and an apologetic smile, returning home to the apartment he shared with you alone.

He’s spent nights and days trying to convince himself that they were an ideal candidate to date, listing out their positive notes to you, and somehow he can’t seem to find the thing that made him just click with them. It’s bordering on frustrating, really, and Kuroo is more than ready to relieve some of the building tension in his body by hanging out with you.

His entrance home is muffled by the sounds of music blasting through the apartment, and it’s a wonder the neighbours haven’t complained yet. He’s about to call out for you as he drops keys on the coffee table, one hand loosening his tie when he catches sight of you dancing in the kitchen.

And everything clicks in place.

It’s a stunning clarity that leaves him reeling, and he wonders how he could have missed it in the first place. It’s a simple truth: Kuroo Tetsurou was completely, utterly, irrevocably in love with you. And it only took him fifty bad first dates to realize that the only person he wanted to go on a date with was you.

Objectively speaking, you look like a complete mess, but to him, the sight of you twirling around in sock clad feet in an oversized shirt with a lame chemistry joke printed across it was infinitely better than any of the people he had gone on dates with. You’re absolutely perfect to him, yelling out lyrics to a song that’s blasting at full volume from the living room.

There isn’t a moment’s hesitation as he surges forward, a force tugging him to you. And like just like two opposing magnets, you spin around just in time for him to collide into you, his head hazy as his mouth crashes down upon yours.

You taste of leftover pizza and something sweet, and he thinks it might be the best damn thing he’s ever tasted. The shocked gasp that escapes you is swallowed by Kuroo as he deepens the kiss, arms winding around you to pull you impossibly closer. And he isn’t sure why he’s so surprised when you reciprocate the kiss, melting into him as your hands grip the lapels of his blazer.

It feels like an eternity spent wrapped around each other, the beat of the music matching the rhythm of your hearts, and the warmth of each other.

Kuroo pulls away first, only because rationality comes sinking back into his muddled brain, and there’s a brief moment of panic when he stares down at your flushed face, lips swollen from his sudden attack. But the absolute relief and love in your eyes has him calming down, and the soft peck you deliver next settles those doubts.

“It’s been you all this while,” his voice cracks, and he winces. “You’re my best friend, and I’m in love with you.”

The smile that breaks out across your face is everything he’s been looking for, and he feels like a fool for being so blind. You’re everything he’s wanted, and everything he’s needed.

“I’m in love with you.” He repeats louder, an incredulous laugh bubbling out of him. “I’m in love with you!”

“I’m in love with you too!” You yell back, and in his excitement, he can’t help but twirl you around, and you burst into giggles. There isn’t a better sound in the world than this, he thinks.

“Be mine.” He catches you by the shoulders, face alight with adoration.

“I’ve been yours for a long time now.” Your answer fills him with a rush of delight and guilt, and he’s ready to spill apologies and promises to make it up to you when you yank on his tie hard, pulling him into another kiss. Every unspoken word, every drop of emotion that has ever begged to be exchanged between you two is said with a simple kiss.

Kuroo thanks the heavens for you, for blessing his life with someone who is more than he deserves. The weight of you in his arms is a comforting pressure, and there he has his last first date, at the beginning of a new chapter in the story of him and you, eating leftovers and dancing to songs of your childhood.

He’s in love with you, and you are with him too.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 5

To say i didn't get much sleep last night was an understatement! I had spent a couple hours on the phone to my mom telling her about Chris showing up and now knowing about Mason while having a couple glasses of wine. When i finally did go to bed i couldn't switch my brain off,  the last time i had looked at the time it was nearly 4:30am and i knew Mason would be getting up around 6! It felt like i had just closed my eyes when that darling boy of mine came jumping on the bed to wake me up.

After breakfast we both got ready and headed out to the car, i needed to go to the store to get some groceries (if i had guests coming round i should really have something to offer them).

"Oh nooo.... mom creepy Brian is coming out" Mason said quietly.

"Sshhh i told you not to call him that" i chuckled as we rushed to get into the car before Brian could reach us.

"Thats what you and aunt Hannah call him though" he rolled his eyes like i was crazy as i reversed out of the drive.

"Only when we're inside where he can't hear us. You can't say that while his around baby"

"Fine, i wont say it again" he shrugged "is my dad coming back today?"

"He said he was gonna come see you today"

"I like him, he seems cool"

I didn't know what to say to that so i just kept my eyes on the road.

"Mom, dont you like my dad?...."

"Sure i do bud, i just haven't seen your dad in a long time"

"But he makes you sad"

"Im fine Mace, don't you worry" i forced a smiled trying to put on a brave face for him.

Walking around the store i found myself picking up things i knew Chris and Scott liked.... or at least what they used to like.

I was loading the bags into the car when i got a text message.

Chris: Hey, just checking its still okay if we come over today?

Y/N: Sure

Chris: Thats good because we're at the house but your not home....

Y/N: Im at the store, be back in 5 minutes

Chris: 👍🏻

A thumbs up?? Really Chris??

I internally face palmed, he was still a dork.

I spotted Chris's car parked out on the road leaving the drive way empty, once i had parked up he then drove up and parked behind me. Mason was already out the car and running over to see Chris before i even had my belt off!

I got out and walked around to the trunk to get the groceries out.

"Morning Neighbour" i heard Brian approaching.

"God damn it" i muttered under my breath before sticking my head around to see him "hi Brian"

"You need a hand with those bags Y/N?"

"No thanks i'm good, got plenty of help with these two" i threw a thumb back pointing towards Chris & Scott.

"You sure? i don't mind helping you out"

"Its fine, we've got it" Chris said coming to a stop beside me with Scott and Mason either side of him, he reached in and easily scooped up two bags, Scott grabbing the another.

"We're all good, thanks for the offer though"

"Anytime, you know where i am" he smiled and walked back to his house stopping a few times to look back.

"Urghh" i shivered "guy gives me the creeps" i muttered quietly as i shut the trunk and led the way up to the house.

"Is he always like that?" Scott asked his eyes going comically wide at the thought.

"Yeah. He always appears when we're leaving the house or getting back...."

"Thats a little weird"

"Im sure he's harmless...." i shrugged. Chris was being unusually quiet, I didn't ask him what his problem was.

"Mom and aunt Hannah call him creepy Brian but its a secret" Mason said quietly to Chris and Scott even though we were now safely inside.

"Mace, stop it" i laughed shaking my head.

"He can't hear me mom its fine"

"Honestly kid...."

"Wonder where he gets it from huh?" Scott chuckled at me.

"Definitely his dad" i rolled my eyes "i love him more than life itself but he's a pain my ass sometimes" i muttered quietly so Mason couldn't hear.

"Sounds just like Chris" Scott laughed playfully nudging my shoulder with his.

"I heard that!" Chris added just making Scott laugh louder.

I made some sandwiches for lunch and grabbed some drinks taking them all out into the garden where Chris and Scott were kicking a ball around with Mason.

"Foods ready guys" i called out to them once everything was laid out.

"Can i sit next to dad?" Mason asked running over.

"Sure bud, Scott looks like you stuck with me" i shrugged switching their plates around.

"Fine by me sweetheart, id rather sit next to you anyway"

"At least someone wants to sit with me" i joked sticking my tongue out at Mason making him giggle.

"Hey Y/N..?" I heard Brian call from behind me, i sighed closing my eyes before turning around to see him looking over the fence at us.

"Hey Brian, everything okay?"

"Oh yeah! I just wanted to remind you about the BBQ, your friends are more than welcome to join us too"

"Thanks for the invite Brian but i think we're just gonna have a quiet family lunch"

"Okay well if y'all change your mind just come on over"

"Will do" i forced a smiled and turned back around.

"Has he gone?" I whispered to Chris who had the clear view of next door.

"Yeah" he nodded "that guy needs to take a hint".

"I don't think he knows how to" i shook my head before taking a bite of my sandwich.

"Maybe you should give him a shot" Scott teased wiggling his eyebrows.

"No!" Both Chris and I said at the same time.

"Relax i was joking" Scott laughed before shooting Chris a look. Chris looked like he was about say something but his cell phone ringing his pocket drew his attention.

"Sorry i need to take this" he said getting up from the table "hey Lindsey" i heard him say as he walked further down the yard for some privacy.

"Lindsey? That the girlfriend?" I asked Scott quietly, he nodded giving me a sad smile "its fine, i just wondered"

"I don't think it'll last personally"

"He obviously feels differently if he's now wanting that divorce"

"Thats because he's an idiot"

"Not gonna argue with you on that....."

"So what about you? Anyone special in your life Y/N?"

"Yeah Mason" i scoffed "i don't have time for dating. Being a single parent is tough Scott.... most guys run a mile when they hear you have a kid..."

"But you must have dated a bit?"

"Not really" i shook my head feeling my face burn in embarrassment.

"Y/N, there has been someone since my brother right?"

I looked up at Scott slowly shaking my head "no. I've been on a couple dinner dates Hannah set me up on but nothing ever came of it" i shrugged "its fine".

"Jesus woman how long has it been....like 7 years??" He asked looking surprised.

"Something like that" i mumbled picking up my glass of water, my throat suddenly bone dry.

"Girl that is some dry spell, please tell me you at least have a vibrator!" He said quietly so Mason wouldn't hear. I choked on the water that i was swallowing and started coughing before it turned to laugher.

"God i've missed you Scott" i smiled at him.

"I've missed you too! But that doesn't answer my question".

"Whats so funny?" Chris asked as he rejoined us.

"Just Scott being Scott" i rolled my eyes.

"Im finished mom can we go play football again now?" Mason asked looking hopeful.

"In a little bit bud, your dad and Scott are still eating".

Hannah and Lucas turned up unannounced not long after lunch was finished and I was grateful for the distraction. Lucas quickly joined in with Mason, Chris and Scott who were kicking the ball around again while Hannah poured us both a glass of wine.

"So hows it been having him around again?" She asked looking over at Chris.

"Weird. But Mason loves it"

"Your handling it better than i would be!"

"Mason deserves to know his dad, Chris has already been warned that i'll kill him if he does anything to upset him"

"I don't doubt that for a second" she laughed refilling our glasses.

"So..... Friday? I was thinking we start small just hitting some bars then we can end the night at 'Ruby's' for some dancing. I know you need to be wasted before you even consider dancing"

"Han i said id go out for a few drinks not an all nighter!"

"Oh come on! You haven't had a good night out in forever babe, we'll find us some cute guys...."

"Hannah...." i groaned closing my eyes.

"Ooh i heard you mention cute guys" Scott sat down looking very interested in our conversation.

"Im trying to talk Y/N into finding a cute guy to give her some much needed attention when we go out Friday" Hannah told Scott making me roll my eyes.

"Id listen to Hannah, you are in some serious need of male attention"

"But i don't just hook up with strangers guys.... we've talked about this!"

"Well maybe you should! Im just saying you deserve to find someone who makes you happy Y/N. Just because your a mom now doesn't mean you can't find love" Hannah said reaching over taking my hand with a smile. She had a point.... i couldn't sit around waiting for a man who had made his feelings perfectly clear 7 years ago. A man who was in a serious relationship..... maybe it was time to try and move on from him.

"Can i please come with you? I could use a night out" Scott asked looking hopeful.

"Sure, its been a while since you joined us on a night out Scotty" i smiled at him.

"You can help me find this one a man while your at it" Hannah smirked and shared a look with Scott that spelt nothing but trouble.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @denisemarieangelina @mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax @jennmurawski13 @ford66steal @saiyanprincessswanie

[babygirlkiki1016]

Wendigo

As we pulled up the next morning I spotted a man who is talking to Haley, Ben, is checking a shotgun. They're all carrying full backpacks.

"I'll tell you again, I don't think Ben should come. You're paying me good money to keep everybody safe. I think Ben's safest at home." I hear man say as I get out, Haley shakes her head as Sam and Dean get out of the car. Sam opens the back door of the Impala and pulls out the duffel bag.

"You guys got room for three more?" Dean asks.

"Wait, you want to come with us?" Haley asks.

"Who are these guys?" The old man asks.

"Apparently this is all the park service could muster up for the search and rescue." Haley gestures to the man next to her as Sam heads past everyone.

"You're rangers?" The old man asks.

"That's right." Dean answers.

"And you're hiking out in biker boots and jeans? While your hiking in that." Haley points to me, signaling at (whatever you decide to wear.)

Dean looks down at himself, then at me. "Well, sweetheart, I don't do shorts." Dean heads past Haley, I walk up to her.

"And I'm more of 'I don't care what I wear type'."

"What, y'all think this is funny? It's dangerous back country out there. Her brother might be hurt." The old man says as Sam turns back to us.

"Believe me, I know how dangerous this could get. We just wanna help her find her brother, that's all." Dean says as he head past Sam. Our little group hikes through the forest, with 'Roy' in the lead, then Dean, me, Haley, Ben, and Sam bringing up the rear.

"Roy, you said you did a little hunting." Dean says, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, more than a little." Roy huffs.

"Uh-huh. What kind of furry critters do you hunt?"

"Mostly buck, sometimes bear." Dean passes Roy, uh oh, I can see where this is going.

"Tell me, uh, Bambi or Yogi ever hunt you back?" Roy grabs Dean as Sam looks on, I quickly step between them before it escalated.

"Both of you cut it out." I say.

"Whatcha doing, Roy?" Dean asks. Roy grabs a stick and pokes the bear trap Dean had almost stepped in. Haley looks annoyed.

"You should watch where you're stepping. Ranger." Roy drops the stick and retakes the lead.

"It's a bear trap." Dean yells to us and we hike on. Haley catches up to us.

"You didn't pack any provisions. You guys are carrying a duffel bag. You're not rangers." She grabs Dean's arm. "So who the hell are you?" Ben and I goes past her, who stopped to talk to Dean while Sam looks at Dean, who indicates with his expression that Sam's to go on by. Sam obeys and he catches up to me.

"Hey." He says.

"Hey..."

"So how did you sleep?"

"Pretty good, the bed was comfy."

"Did my brother try anything?" He asked worried.

"No he didn't..it was more of me who..."

"You kissed him?!" He whispers the last part.

"No I wanted to, but I turned away before I did anything stupid."

"That's surprising,mostly Dean is the one always trying to get laid." He say, I could tell he's some what pissed.

"Sam...do you think that he could..that we could?"

"No at least not now, your still a kid. Wait a little bit longer before you try anything." He smiles and pats me on the back. Roy continues to lead the way, followed by Sam, me, Ben, Haley, and Dean.

"This is it. Blackwater Ridge." Roy says as Sam heads past.

"What coordinates are we at?" Sam asks. Roy pulls out a GPS, which reads N 35o 45.383, W 111o 00.55.

"Thirty-five and minus one-eleven." Dean comes up to Sam and the three of us listen.

"You hear that?" Dean ask.

"Yeah." Sam replies.

"Wow...Not even crickets." I say.

"I'm gonna go take a look around." Roy tells us.

"You shouldn't go off by yourself." I warn.

"That's sweet. Don't worry about me."

"Fine if you wanna be the idiot be my guest." I joke, Roy just waves his gun and pushes between us to retake the lead. Dean turns back to the others as the other two catch up.

"All right, everybody stays together. Let's go." About ten minutes later the five of us are looking around, near a large rock.

"Haley! Over here!" Roy yells and Haley runs towards his voice, followed closely by the others and we come to a halt.

"Oh my God..." Haley gasps. The tents are torn open and bloody and all the supplies are scattered.

"Looks like a grizzly." Dean and Haley look around.

"Tommy?" She takes off her backpack and goes through the campsite.

"Tommy!" Sam moves to catch up with her.

"Shh." Sam says.

"Tommy!"

"Shh-hh-hh!"

"Why?"

"Something might still be out there."

"Sam, Y/n!" Dean yells, me and Sam goes over to him, Sam crouches down.

"The bodies were dragged from the campsite. But here, the tracks just vanish. That's weird." Sam says.

"I'll tell you what, that's no skinwalker or black dog."

"So then it's a Wendigo, it's the only explanation." I point out.

"We still don't know for sure Y/n."

"Dean think about it, it's fast it doesn't leave a trail and there's claw marks everywhere. It's a Wendigo."

"Y/n it can't be."

"Fine, if I'm right you have to do whatever I ask without complaining."

"Don't do it Dean." Sam intervened, with a smirk on his face but Dean completely ignored him.

"And if I'm right then you have to do whatever I say without complaining for a day."

"Alright deal." I hold out my hand and he shakes it. "Prepare to lose Winchester."

"In your dreams." Dean chuckles and we go back to the campsite as Sam follows. Haley picks up Tom's cell phone it's bloody and she cries. She turns the phone over and the back is open, Dean crouches next to her.

"Hey, he could still be alive." She gives Dean a look.

"Someone Help! Help!" A voice yells and Roy leads the way as everyone except me runs to the aid of the shouter.

"Don't run towards it you idiots!" My words were mostly towards Dean and Sam. They still did it anyway, there figures disappearing was the last thing I saw before I was thrown back against the tree. My vision went black, but before I was unconscious I could see the Wendigo walking towards me.

Dean's Pov-

"Don't run towards it you idiots!" I heard Y/n shout but no one listened.

"Help! Somebody!" It shouts again but we find no one.

"It seemed like it was coming from around here, didn't it?" Haley wonders, we listen, nothing.

"Everybody back to camp." Sam says and back at the campsite, all the supplies are missing, including Y/n.

"Y/n?!" I yelled, no response. "Y/n?!" Now I was getting nervous, she was right behind me...wasn't she?

"Our packs!" Haley exclaims, not even caring that one of our own was gone.

"So much for my GPS and my satellite phone." Roy complains

"What the hell is going on?"

"It's smart. It wants to cut us off so we can't call for help." Sam says, that's when we both realized Y/n was right. "Y/n, where is she?"

"Oh you finally notice!" I say sarcastically and kick a rock. "Damnit!"

"You mean someone, some nutjob out there just stole all our gear and kidnapped that pretty girl?" Roy says, making me even more angry. Sam tugs on my sleeve, catching my attention.

"I need to speak with you. In private." We head a little ways away from the group. "Good. Let me see Dad's journal." Sam says, I hand it over. Sam opens it and flips through until he finds a particular page.

"All right, check that out." Sam points to a First Nations-style drawing of a figure.

"Oh come on, wendigos are in the Minnesota woods or, or northern Michigan. I've never even heard of one this far west."

"Think about it, Dean, the claws, the way it can mimic a human voice. Y/n was right and we new it but you didn't listen. You just wanted to prove her wrong!"

"You think I don't know that!" I try to hold it in, damn it why am I getting emotional? I only met her a week ago! "Well isn't that great." I takes out my pistol. "Since we're hunting a Wendigo, then this is useless." Sam gives me back the journal then heads back to camp but only stopping for a moment.

"One of us should've stayed with her...we need to get these people to safety."

"Sam we can't just leave Y/n-"

"She's probably already dead Dean!....Her father was right...people we know die sooner or later." He leaves and I follow, we get back at the campsite, and Sam addresses the group.

"All right, listen up, it's time to go. Things have gotten...more complicated."

"What?" Haley exclaims.

"Kid, don't worry. Whatever's out there, I think I can handle it." Roy says.

"It's not me I'm worried about. If you shoot this thing, you're just gonna make it mad. You have to leave. Now."

"One, you're talking nonsense. Two, you're in no position to give anybody orders."

"Relax." I huff. "Sam will get you to safety, I'll stay and try to find Y/n."

"Look we never should have let you come out here in the first place, all right? I'm trying to protect you." Sam says but Roy steps right into Sam's space.

"You protect me? I was hunting these woods when your mommy was still kissing you good night."

"Yeah? It's a damn near perfect hunter. It's smarter than you, and it's gonna hunt you down and eat you alive unless we get your stupid sorry ass out of here." Roy laughs.

"You know you're crazy, right?"

"Yeah? You ever hunt a wen-" I push Sam, desperately trying to make him calm down.

"Chill out."

"Stop. Stop it. Everybody just stop. Look. Tommy might still be alive. And I'm not leaving here without him."

"Wow well aren't you brave." I comment.

"It's getting late. This thing is a good hunter in the day, but an unbelievable hunter at night. We'll never beat it, not in the dark. We need to settle in and protect ourselves."

"How?" Hayley questions.

~

We built a campfire, and I begin to draw something in the dirt around the campsite while Haley pokes at the fire.

"One more time, that's-" Hayley asks but J interrupt.

"Anasazi symbols. It's for protection. The wendigo can't cross over them." Roy laughs, gun over his shoulder.

"Nobody likes a skeptic, Roy."

When  I was fine with the drawing I head over to sit next to Sam.

"You wanna tell me what's going on in those freaky heads of yours?...Sammy."

"Dean-"

"No, you're not fine. You're like a powder keg, man, it's not like you. I'm supposed to be the belligerent one, remember?"

"Why don't you focus on your own feelings, I'm sure your feeling pretty guilty."

"Bout what?"

"Dad's not here and if we left then Y/n would still be with us. I mean, that much we know for sure, right? He would have left us a message, a sign, right?"

"Yeah, you're probably right. Tell you the truth, I don't think Dad's ever been to Lost Creek."

"Then I'll get these people back to town and we'll go find Y/n. Then we leave I mean, why are we still even here?"

"This is why." I come around to Sam's front and held up the journal. "This book. This is Dad's single most valuable possession-everything he knows about every evil thing is in here. And he's passed it on to us. I think he wants us to pick up where he left off. You know, saving people, hunting things. The family business." Sam shakes his head.

"That makes no sense. Why doesn't he just-call us? Why doesn't he-tell us what he wants, tell us where he is?"

"I dunno. But the way I see it, Dad's giving us a job to do, and I intend to do it."

"Dean...no. I gotta find Dad. I gotta find Jessica's killer. It's the only thing I can think about."

"Okay, all right, Sam, we'll find them, I promise. Listen to me. You've gotta prepare yourself. I mean, this search could take a while, and all that anger, you can't keep it burning over the long haul. It's gonna kill you. You gotta have patience, man." Sam looks down, then up.

"How do you do it? How does Dad do it?" Dean looks over at the others.

"Well for one, them." Sam looks over at Haley and Ben. "I mean, I figure our family's so screwed to hell, maybe we can help some others. Makes things a little bit more bearable....I'll tell you what else helps." Sam looks back at Dean.

"Killing as many evil sons of bitches as I possibly can, starting with the one that took Y/n." Sam smiles, but a twig snaps, someone presumably the wendigo yells "Help me! Please!" I stand and readied my gun.

"Help!" Sam shines a flashlight about.

"He's trying to draw us out. Just stay cool, stay put." I warn.

"Inside the magic circle?" Roy jokes.

"Better than ending up dead."

"Help! Help me!" Growling, Roy points his gun at the sound.

"Okay, that's no grizzly." Ben starts to freak out a little but Haley talks him through it.

"It's okay. You'll be all right, I promise." Something rushes past and she shrieks. I just smile, scardey cat.

"It's here." Sam says. Roy shoots at the rustling, then again.

"I hit it!" He yells happily and being the idiot that he is, goes to see what he hit.

"Roy, no! Roy!" I yell after him, I turn to Hayley and Ben. "Don't move." She's holding a stick, burning at one end, as a weapon. Me and Sam run after Roy, but no luck.

~

Sam is sitting against a hollow tree stump, holding dad's journal and playing with a lanyard. Me and the other two are among the tents.

"I don't...I mean, these types of things, they aren't supposed to be real."

"I wish I could tell you different." I sigh.

"How do we know it's not out there watching us?"

"We don't. But we're safe for now."

"How do you know about this stuff" Carefully, I think of what to say.

"Kind of runs in the family." Sam comes over.

"So we've got half a chance in the daylight. And I for one want to kill this evil son of a bitch."

"Well, hell, you know I'm in." I say, I had to, I needed to. That son if a bitch took her, and I was gonna get her back. Sam shows the wendigo page of dad's journal to the siblings.

"'Wendigo' is a Cree Indian word. It means 'evil that devours'."

"They're hundreds of years old. Each one was once a man. Sometimes an Indian, or other times a frontiersman or a miner or hunter." I contribute.

"How's a man turn into one of those things?" Haley wonders.

"Well, it's always the same. During some harsh winter a guy finds himself starving, cut off from supplies or help. Becomes a cannibal to survive, eating other members of his tribe or camp."

"Like the Donner Party." Ben says.

"Cultures all over the world believe that eating human flesh gives a person certain abilities. Speed, strength, immortality." Sam intervenes.

"If you eat enough of it, over years, you become this less than human thing. You're always hungry." I sigh, I knew the feeling...and Y/n probably does to.

"So if that's true, how can Tommy still be alive?" Haley asked.

"You're not gonna like it." I glance at Sam, then back to her.

"Tell me."

"More than anything, a wendigo knows how to last long winters without food. It hibernates for years at a time, but when it's awake it keeps its victims alive. It, uh, it stores them, so it can feed whenever it wants. If your brother's alive, it's keeping him somewhere dark, hidden, and safe. We gotta track it back there, and hurry cause he might it's next meal."

"And then how do we stop it?"

"Well, guns are useless, so are knives. Basically-" I grab the can of lighter fluid, the beer bottle, and the white cloth that was in the ground. "We gotta torch the sucker."

~

Once we gave them hints about what there headed into, I lead the way through the woods, Molotov cocktail in hand. We pass trees with claw marks and blood. Sam is leading the group now, with me right behind him.

"Dean." He calls out, and I catch up.

"What is it?" We look around at the trees, there are bloody claw marks and broken branches everywhere.

"You know, I was thinking, those claw prints, so clear and distinct. They were almost too easy to follow." Growling was heard and the three of us whip around. Trees rustle as Haley is standing under a tree. Blood drips on her shirt.

"Sam..." I say point towards Haley. She notices to what I'm pointing to and looks up, then leaps out of the way. Roy's corpse lands where she'd stood. I examine Roy as Sam goes over to Haley.

"You okay? You got it?" He asks.

"His neck's broken." I comment. Sam helps Haley up and more growling is heard. "Okay, run, run, run, run, go, go, go!" I yell. Everybody takes off and Ben falls, Sam hurries back to help him up, dividing the group two and three.

"Come on, I gotcha, I gotcha." Sam tells Ben, I listen for any movement. I heard a noise, then Haley screams, it was the Wendigo.

Y/n's Pov-

I woke up to shouting, it was Sam and Ben trying to talk to Haley. She was hanging by her wrists from the ceiling while Dean was trying to wake me up.

"C'mon darling, focus, focus." He unties me, making me fall forward but he catches me. "It's ok I got you, I got you. Can you walk?"

"Yeah...." I say groggily. Haley divests herself of rope as she stands up she spots Tom still hanging and starts crying.

"Y/n hey focus on me!" Dean caresses my cheek, tears were falling down his cheeks. "I thought I lost you..."

"It's gonna take a lot more than that to kill me." I smile, he returns it and hugs me. I spot the stolen supplies that are piled in the corner.

"Dean." I say and point to the bags, Dean picks up flare guns.

"Flare guns. Those'll work." Sam grins and Dean laughs while twirling the guns. We decide to make our escape and head down a tunnel, Me, Dean and Sam in the lead with the flare guns and the two siblings supporting Tom, who is limping. Growling is heard once more.

"Looks like someone's home for supper." I say.

"We'll never outrun it." Dean says and looks back at the others, then at me. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Yeah, I think so." Sam answers.

"Good, I'll distract it, the four of you get out of here."

"That is not what I was thinking!"

"Oh I'll be fine." I stare at him in disbelief.

"If you think your gonna go up against it alone your dead wrong. We'll distract it while y'all get out of here." Dean knew he didn't have the time to argue, so he agreed.

"All right, listen to me. Stay with Sam. He's gonna get you out of here."

"What are you gonna do?" Haley intervenes. Dean winks and starts walking and yelling.

"Chow time, you freaky bastard! Yeah, that's right, bring it on, baby, I'm feeling good." The rest of Dean's words are indistinct. I follow Dean before he could get himself killed.

"Hey! Hey, you want some white meat, bitch! I'm right here!"

"I think it heard you Dean."

"Well if it heard me then why isn't it here?" I shake my head and listen, at first I couldn't hear anything but then I heard growling far of into the distance, then Sam yelling.

"Dean it's by Sam."

"Son of a bitch." He yells and we run down the tunnel towards where Sam is.

Eventually we spot the Wendigo and we come up behind it.

"Hey!" I yelled. The Wendigo turns and before Dean could shoot it, it slices his neck. Blood began pouring out, Dean eyes me and falls to the ground.

"No!" I yelled and ran to his side, it slowly came towards me but Sam yelled to distract it. However Sam wasn't having any luck either, Sam's flare gun was thrown to the side and he was cornered. I look back to Dean who was bleeding out badly, he wouldn't last much longer.

"Hold on ok? Hold on.." I cried, tears ran down my cheeks faster then me running a marathon. Although it was like I knew what to do. I place my hand on Deans neck to try to stop the bleeding, he grabs my hand roughly, I could see the fear in his eyes as he gasped from breath.

"Breath just breath ok? Hold on, please!" I focused and like an instinct the words came to me. "Heli tius naman" I muttered over and over, my hands began to glow as his skin begins to form back together. His eyes showed amazement as he watched my form changed, my hair turned white as snow. I looked towards the Wendigo who was about to kill Sam, and hold out my hand as I begin enchanting.

"Sini tuis montir ot leh!" The Wendigo turns but is trapped in place growling at me.

"Sam now!" I yelled and Sam grabs the flare gun then lights the evil son of a bitch. As the Wendigo burned I turn my focus back to Dean, who was staring at me. Sam runs over, with fear in his eyes.

"....Not bad, huh?" Dean jokes as he stands up and he pulls me up along with him. Sam sighs I'm relief, then hugs me.

"Thank you...I don't know what you did but I don't know what I would've done if he..." Sam let's go and Dean slowly approaches me.

"Your nose.." He reaches over and rubs the blood from my skin with his sleeve. After we exit the woods, an ambulance loads up Tom. Two Police officers interviews Ben as Sam stands behind him.

"And the bear came back again after you yelled at it?" Asked the officer.

"That's when it circled the campsite. I mean, this grizzly must have weighed eight hundred, nine hundred pounds." Ben agreed and Sam nods in approval.

"All right, we'll go after it first thing." I watched as Haley talked to Dean, both have already been patched up. A weird feeling set in my heart, what is this? Am I...jealous? Haley attempts to kiss Dean on the cheek, but he slowly stepped back. They exchange a few words, then he turns to look at me. Sam sits on the Impala's hood with me as Dean walks over.

"Man, I hate camping." Dean complains.

"Me too." Sam agrees.

"It's not so bad." I say.

"So I guess...you win the bet." Dean admits. "I'm sorry for not being there when it came after you."

"It's ok....it's not your fault your a dum dum sometimes." I giggle, noises of the ambulance caught our gaze. "Think they'll be ok?"

"Yeah they'll make it." Dean smirks, I grab his chin and kiss the corner of his mouth, however he didn't stop me, he slightly kissed back but then realized it wasn't an actual kiss.

"What was that for?" He said blushing.

"For coming to save me...and for wiping my nose and ruining your jacket." He smiles and looks over at his little brother who's smirking at us.

"Sam, you know we're gonna find Dad, right?"

"Yeah, I know. But in the meantime? I'm driving." Dean smirks and tosses Sam the keys. The three of us get in the impala, slamming the doors almost in sync. What I can't get out of my head however, is why did Dean refuse Haley but not me?.....

The New Hunter Masterlist

@samsgirl93 @nani-gram @eliwinchester99

[fogsrollingin]

Title: calculated losses, chapter 1 Author: fogsrollingin fandom: Supernatural Story details: Sam & Dean, rated PG-13, 1.1k words. Summary: my 3rd entry for @whumptober2020! Prompt filled is no 3. “held at gunpoint.” This is the first of a three-chapter story (each chapter after this will be another fill 😱😊) Chapter 2 on Tumblr | chapter 3 on tumblr || full story on AO3 || FFnet too

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　calculated losses, ch1　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

They were in a tiny grocery store staffed by precisely one cashier and one stockboy. Ambushed in a teeny tiny grocery store in a damn one-horse town just off the interstate.

Dean was disgusted.

He'd been teasing Sam, warning him away from the bodega sushi and preparing to stop Sam from petting the bodega cat too when a frazzled man dressed in tatters burst in, babbling Russian to the cashier until he got behind the counter. Before they even knew it he'd gotten the cashier in a headlock. The cashier struggled for a few moments and went limp. The Russian let him down to the floor gently.

"Hey," Dean shouted. He didn't have a plan but whatever.

"Dean," Sam admonished. Dean shrugged. He figured if the man was armed he would've used it on the cashier, and Dean could take pretty much anyone in hand-to-hand.

The Russian looked up, expression sharp and calculating, and immediately pulled a gun on them.

"Shit," Dean drawled, raising his hands up with Sam. The Russian's eyes were hard, his aim steady and true. Dean tilted his head and took stock of him again. This man had real experience behind him. Initially Dean had written him off as homeless, his form bulky because living in the elements required insulation. Now he could see the guy was packing though, and the raggedy layers were a great cover. Dean's lingering hopes he could negotiate with an addled bodega robber dwindled to nothing as he realized this guy was not at all an addled bodega robber.

Before he could figure out how he did want to play this, the man spoke with a completely normal American accent. "You two, move to the back."

"You're not Russian either. Great," Dean muttered bitterly.

"I said NOW."

Dean saw Sam flinch out of the corner of his eye. He wasn't doing too well lately. Dean felt he was missing something crucial but he'd been putting off any heart-to-hearts hoping Sam would come to him on his own. Or maybe hoping he wouldn't, that he could handle it so well that Dean wouldn't even have to know about it.

Depending on the day and his mood, Dean felt either spiteful or guilty about how he was handling Sam. Neither of those feelings really galvanized him to change things as they were though and so Sam would flinch when he didn't used to, or he'd forget to eat, or he'd pop pills when he didn't think Dean was watching. Dean had investigated the last one two weeks ago. He'd found both uppers and downers, indicating his younger brother was heavily regulating his, uh, energy. Dean had no idea what to do with the information. Sam wasn't off his game, and it's not like Dean could call him on it when he himself was a functioning alcoholic at this point. So Sam could be a functioning pill-popper. Whatever.

They shuffled to the back where the, uh, American-Russian had ordered them. The one remaining employee rushed out. The stockboy. "Hey sorry, you're not allowed back here." He stopped, taking in their faces and the gunman fast approaching. He gave a strangled yelp as the man cold-cocked him. He crumpled to the floor.

The man looked up at the brothers, motioning with his gun for them to step over him. "The back." His voice was low, deadly.

They got through the double acting doors. The noise of processing and maintenance machinery increased.

"Stop. Turn around."

The brothers did as they were told, hands still in the air.

"You a hunter?" Dean asked.

"No," the man replied. "But I was hired by one."

Dean shared a look of suppressed alarm with his brother. Hunters were pretty bad mama-jamas. For a hunter to hire a merc was nearly unheard of.

"My name is Lucas."

"Lucas, what if I told you we'll double your pay for this?"

Lucas scoffed. "I'd say 'with what money?' Now on your knees, hands stay up."

The brothers did as they were told. Sam got down first, uncharacteristically spacing himself away from Dean. Dean shot him an inquiring look but Sam ignored it. He kept steely eyes on the gunman.

Dean bit his lip. He'd long since stopped putting himself in front of Sam when faced with death down the barrel of a gun, but now when it happened they always remained in tight formation if they could manage it. Dean needed Sam close, needed to be able to grab him, cover him if things went wrong. Sam probably felt the same way. Or, at least he thought he did.

Offput, Dean adjusted his stance and knelt so he was right up next to his little brother. Sam shot him a rueful smile he couldn’t really decipher.

“You two started the apocalypse," Lucas announced. The brothers looked up to see the merc had pulled out a really nice cell phone. He spoke to them while looking at its screen;  he was recording video. "Lucifer now walks the earth. Do you deny it?”

Dean huffed. “Well when you put it like that-”

“No. We don’t. Just shoot us and get it over with,” Sam waved dismissively

Dean nearly cricked his neck to stare at his brother, incredulous. Even Lucas blinked, surprised, tilted his head past the edge of the phone to look directly at him.

“Sam.” Dean rasped.

Sam clenched his jaw but didn’t look at him. Dean frowned, increasingly irritated because Sam was starting to scare him.

He made a call and feigned laughter. “Sam's just kidding. He’s, um, stressed," Dean said lamely. "Do not execute us. How ‘bout that, Lucas?”

Sam just continued to eye the hunter. Lucas stared back. He shifted his weight, unsettled, looking between them.

"What is this?" Lucas asked, casually gesturing with his gun between the two of them, "One dares me to shoot, the other begs to live?"

Dean winced, not understanding what they were doing either and hating it. That's when Sam decided to face Dean, his expression solemn and pleading.

“Trust me,” he said, specks of earnest green and hazel boring into Dean, telling him he knew something Dean didn’t.

Dean pressed his lips together. He was frustrated but he wouldn't show it with Lucas. But he wanted to know, wanted to shout at Sam and demand some damned answers now. For fuck's sake, Dean thought they’d had enough with secrets. Or at least the big "it's okay if we die" kind, at least. Dean swore and spat on the ground.

Sam turned back quickly. “Do it,” he said, almost like a dare, and just as Dean looked up again, he heard Sam scream "no!" A sharp explosive pop! and then everything went black.

To be continued... Author’s Note: Ah! Cliffhanger! Sorry to do y'all dirty 😈 but promise this fic'll be wrapped up by the end of the month. Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed, please kudos/comment/what-have-you. Much love, 💛 Alex

[uzumaki-rebellion]

“Stark’s New Intern” Chp. 12

Summary: Erik finally gets what he wants...

"You bitches ugly and dusty and none of y'all matter Money all on me, I'm feeling real flattered Walk in this bitch, straight drippin' like I was tryna get to the toilet,

but I couldn't hold bladder First class only when I'm not on the jet All the white folks keep breakin' they neck They tryna see if I'm black and a threat,

but I'm covered in green, they like "Look it's Shrek!" Bankteller sayin' my shit froze (How?)

Pockets thick as hell like Lizzo (Wow) Mukbang the beat like Trish, hoe (Damn) If you piss me off, it's a shit show 'Cause I'mma do some shit that you can't believe

Smack a bitch into Christmas Eve (Uh-huh)…"

cupcakKe—"Grilling Niggas"

Prince Francesco of Monaco stared at Prince Erik of Wakanda by way of Oakland with a glare so hot, the entire room could feel the angry heat wafting off of him. Erik pushed a cool half a million worth of chips into the center of the table and waited for the perturbed man sitting across from him to put up or fold.

Tony had a hand gripped to his face and his other hand around his stomach. Four hours of card playing had come down to this moment. Two final players facing off. Tension was heavy like wet cement bags on Erik's chest even though he felt confident that the other Prince was bluffing.

Erik had been grilling these fools the entire time he was there. He felt a little cocky about it too.

"Sun is about to come up, bruh," Erik teased.

Tony's top lip teased up into a smirk and the other men watching kept quiet. The final pot was ten million dollars in total.

Francesco grumbled and when Erik thought he would fold, the man called him out and pushed even more chips to the center. Erik spread his cards out on the table.

"Fuck," was all Francesco could say as his sorry hand was revealed.

A couple of the spectators clapped and Tony walked over and slapped his hand on Erik's back.

"Be gracious," Tony whispered to him and Erik stood up from his seat to shake out his stiff legs.

"Here ya go, big winner," Delores said handing him a shot of tequila.

Erik downed it before Tony could say anything.

The dealer collected all the chips and a silver-haired Asian woman who sat to the side quietly observing the entire time Erik was there, pulled out a chrome laptop. Tony and Francesco each handed the woman blank black cards and she swiped them on an attachment hooked to the laptop.

"Exchange complete," she said handing the cards back to the men.

Tony's eyes took in the room.

"I thank you for this evening Francesco….gentlemen until next time—"

"Wait…wait…I demand a rematch. Bring this young man to Monaco."

Francesco’s face looked pleasant enough, but his tone was serious.

"That can be arranged, but we need to get going. Night."

Erik watched Tony put on his blazer and button it up. He slid on a pair of shades and Erik followed him out to an awaiting town car.

When the driver pulled away from the museum, Tony let out a relieved sigh.

"Holy shit, Stevens. I thought I was going to shit a brick those last few hands. You played Francesco like a goddamned cello."

"He's a pro—"

"But he met his match. For years I've been wanting to beat that spoiled imp, but he always comes out on top most games. I've been lucky a couple of times, but to see him shut down like that…fucking golden. Good job, kiddo. I owe you."

"A trip to Monaco—"

"To work…and maybe a little bit of play if you do well at the Expo. You ready to work?"

"I think I'm ready. How bad can it be with a bunch of little kids?"

"Oh jeez, they are going to eat you up."

Tony smiled and leaned back in his seat.

"Thanks for coming when I called. You saved me the ass beating of the year."

"Do I get a cut?"

"I'll think about it."

"You trippin', I should get half."

"You played with my money—"

"But I won money with that money."

"I'll think about fair compensation—"

"Betta have a lot of zero's with it."

"You hungry? We can stop at an all-night spot I know."

"Nah, got somewhere to be."

Tony glanced at his platinum watch.

"Really? Where?"

"That's my business," Erik said. He couldn't keep the grin off of his face thinking about Athena.

"Oh…I see. A date."

"Somethin' like that."

They pulled in front of a brand-new skyscraper and the driver opened Tony's door.

"Have fun on your date."

Erik stared up at the building.

"My East Coast digs. Have your presentation and schedule mock-up ready by Thursday."

Erik nodded and Tony walked to his New York penthouse.

The driver dropped Erik off at the hotel and he rode the elevator marveling at the amount of money he was able to play with just on the whim of rich white men, who wouldn't blink if they never saw it again. The re-match Francesco wanted was pure ego.

Erik slipped into his suite, showered, and shaved quickly then checked the time. Six in the morning. He changed into soft white linen slacks and a creamy purple Brunelli Cucinelli cashmere sweater. Slipping on dark tan dock loafers, he felt relaxed enough to appear casual, even with his pocket stuffed with condoms. They had all day to lounge, and he made sure to have enough rubbers to keep Athena in her bed until it grew dark again.

Sauntering over to her room, Erik smelled good, looked, good, and felt good enough to rock Athena's world. The anticipation was bubbling inside of him like tea on tap about to whistle.

Knocking on her door softly, he waited for her to answer, and for a slight moment, he did worry that she had changed her mind when she didn't answer. If she had changed her mind, Athena was the type to text him and let him know early on.

When she opened the door in a silk half robe, all that deep cleavage teasing him, he felt his dick wake up a little bit, and he flashed her all his big white teeth. He tried to step into her room, but she blocked access. He frowned.

"You got somebody else in there?"

The rumble in his voice caught her attention and she bit her lip all sexy and that ticked him off. All that teasing talk and she had some other dude up in her room and didn't text a nigga? Fuck that. Erik skimmed past her. The thick hotel room curtains were drawn closed, so the room was still dark. The tv was on. One queen bed was disheveled and empty, but the other bed—

"Hey, Erik!"

The bubbly face of Maria greeted him. She wore a t-shirt and probably her favorite Winnie-The-Pooh pajama bottoms she wore at their apartment back in Los Angeles under the bed covers. Erik glanced back at Athena. She shrugged and closed the door.

"Maria and I had a little serious girl talk last night, and watched a little tv."

Athena climbed onto the bed she was using and Erik just stood in the room like a big dummy.

"You're up early," Maria said eyeing his clothes, "we have snacks if you want some. I was going to order room service for pancakes. You guys want pancakes?"

"Um...Athena?"

Erik held up his hands.

Maria's cell phone rang. She answered it.

"What are we doing?" he asked.

"She's just going to hang out for a bit. She had a bad time with you-know-who again. Not sex, just…awkward closure…I'm letting her hang out for a bit. She'll leave soon enough, just be cool, okay? It was pretty rough for her."

"Let's go to my room then."

"Climb in."

"I want to be alone with you—"

"You will be. Erik, we have all day and night. Be a friend, please? She's vulnerable right now."

"She has Giselle for that—"

"I'm not going to kick her out—"

"I'll do it then—"

Athena grabbed his arm and pulled him onto her bed.

"Kick your shoes off and relax."

Erik used his toes to release his shoes from his feet slowly and he climbed on top of the bed covers. He leaned his back against the headboard. Maria chattered and it only took Erik a few seconds to realize she was talking to Giselle. Erik held his forehead with his hand waiting for Maria to finish.

"How was the thing with Stark?"

"Good. It was a private poker game."

"Really? Why did he need you?"

"I played for him. He bankrolled me with some high rollers and I kicked butt."

"Serious? How much?"

Erik whispered in her ear. Her eyes grew big.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

He shook his head.

"Keep that to yourself. I'm tryna get a players fee from him."

His eyes drifted from hers down to the top of her robe. Her heavy breasts strained against the silk. He rested a hand on one breast and squeezed softly. Her eyes darted over to Maria.

"You can wait," Athena said. But she didn't move his hand.

Eventually, Maria got off her cell, but then the next thing Erik knew, she and Athena got caught up in a show about young fashion designers competing for runway shows and the time ticked on for two hours as the two women cackled about clothes and yelled at the t.v.

Athena ordered room service for everyone and they all ate pancakes and omelets with crispy bacon and Erik turned grumpy when the women got caught up in another reality tv show. Athena patted his head and pulled back the covers for him to cuddle under with her. Maria saw the action but said nothing about it as she snacked on more bacon.

Wrapping his arm around Athena's waist, Erik closed his eyes and rested his head on a pillow, allowing his body to savor the warmth of Athena and the sweet cloying smell of her skin.

Even with the sun up outside, the room remained quite dark with the curtains still shut, and he found himself drifting in and out of sleep. The third time he woke up from a short two-minute cat nap, he found himself getting warm and pulled off his socks and then his slacks.

"What are you doing?" Athena said glancing over at Maria who was focused on the tv.

"I'm hot with these clothes on."

He pulled the sweater over his head and Athena's eyes scanned his chest with hunger in her eyes.

"I'm keeping my boxers on."

She rolled her eyes.

"Had I known this was going to turn into a slumber party I woulda worn sweats," he grumbled.

He curled around her body again and let his arm brush against her breasts. He could feel her softness better and his dick chubbed up by being pressed into her backside.

"You making me hard," he whispered in her ear.

"I haven't even done anything," she whispered back.

"You ain't gotta do nothing but back that ass against me. Witcho fine ass."

She giggled and rubbed her hand on his arm.

Erik pressed his lips on the back of her neck and then kissed her earlobes.

"Don't…."

Athena's protests were weak and she pressed her thick cheeks back into him.

Erik slipped a hand inside her robe and it fell open easily as he caressed her breasts under the covers. Athena turned her head back toward him and he snagged a hold of her lips. Soft tongue kissing kept them quiet as the tv rattled on.

"Erik, stop, wait until she leaves…."

He pulled off his boxers and pushed up Athena's robe. All he felt was a short satin nightgown under the robe and no panties. He let his fingers drag lightly along her shaved vulva and she bit her bottom lip to keep quiet.

"She's been here four hours since I came in. I'm here to collect what you promised. If you won't go to my room, and you just letting her linger, I'm getting something right now."

Athena pressed into his erection.

"You feel all that big dick, huh?"

He plucked at her nipples and they hardened fast for him. His eyes were glued to them and when he lifted up one heavy breast, Athena reached back and gripped his dick. He fingered her clit and she shoved her face into her pillow to stifle a moan.

He teased her bud until she was squirming hard against his length. He tried to keep his voice quiet too as her ass cradled his erection and milked pre-cum from him. Both of them found their eyes darting over to look at Maria. Her back was to them because the large screen tv was hanging over the wall of the small living room area.

Erik kissed Athena again, forcing her to turn her head toward him as he tongued her down with slow wet kisses. He felt like his dick got harder trying to sneak pleasure with someone else in the room. Athena's pussy was sopping wet. The thrill of being caught probably turning her on too. An entire half-hour episode of a show played on tv as they reveled in kissing long and deep. Erik stopped kissing her when she opened up her robe and let her breasts fall out of the nightgown. He felt his manhood twitch just from looking at the overabundance displayed before him. Her eyes were glassy and her lips looked swollen from his mouth ravishing hers.

Erik reached for his pants that were folded at the end of the bed and dug in the pockets. Pulling out two condoms he stuck one under the pillow and unwrapped the other.

"We can't," Athena whispered.

Erik pulled the covers over Athena's chest and leaned back nonchalantly.

"Hey turn that up," Erik called to Maria.

"It's already kinda loud," Maria said looking over at him.

"Just a little bit," he said.

The remote was by her side, so Maria turned it up two volume levels.

Erik slid the condom down on his length and squeezed his balls.

Athena was still hesitant, but that didn't stop her from turning to her side and allowing him to line his dick up with her gaping slit. Erik looked at her opening and held in a heavy groan that wanted to fall out of his mouth. He pushed in and Athena slammed a hand over her mouth and shoved her face into her pillow.

"Told ya," he whispered, "I'm bout to get up in them guts."

Erik kept his thrusts slow, hard, and deep.

Her pussy was snug around his thickness and when she looked back at him with her lips parted and her eyes pleading with him to keep going slow, he found his own mouth going lax and hard exhales falling from his lips without any control from him. Soft rocking motions kept them content, and this woman's pussy gave Erik more nasty thoughts of what he would do to her when they were actually alone.

He pulled away from her when Maria jumped off her bed and padded into the bathroom. The bathroom fan was loud and Erik took advantage of the noise and Maria's absence in the room to start pummeling Athena's pussy. He gripped her leg and lifted it up, pushing away the covers.

"She's going to come back out!" Athena cried out.

Athena wiggled and slammed her ass back into him, but the thrill of discovery was tinged in her voice. She was turned on with the idea of being caught.

Erik slammed into her and her eyes shut tight.

"Fuck, Erik!"

They heard the toilet flush and then running water.

It was now or never.

He pulled Athena on top of him. He wanted to see those huge tits bounce. She leaned forward and not only did they bounce, but they smacked against each other loudly.

"Fuuckkk, baby…I'm cumming in your pussy!" Erik shouted.

Thrusting his hips up hard, the heavy spurts from his dick into the condom had his eyes rolling back as Athena muffled her own orgasm.

She scrambled off of him and dived back under the covers as Maria strolled casually back into the room and flopped back on her bed.

Erik felt Athena's body shaking with laughter as she covered her mouth. Erik burst out laughing and pulled the covers over his chest.

"What's so funny?" Maria asked, glancing over her shoulder, completely oblivious.

Erik fell out again as his penis grew flaccid.

"You, you're funny," he quipped.

Maria rolled her eyes and turned the tv channel.

Chapter 13 HERE

###

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[the-family-fortune]

So last night I asked my server for suggestions on the Galochio fic I’m working on. They were very helpful.

DaisyYesterday at 11:38 PM

how do u get rid of the main villain of a story............ without actually getting rid of them in any effective way?? like i dont want to be "and then he walked away and was never a problem again" because. thats dumb. but i need something to that effect.

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:38 PM

u could kill him off

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:40 PM

I need a little bit more information regarding plot before I can be of any help I think

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:42 PM

distract him with something else entirely?

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:42 PM

family emergency

turtleYesterday at 11:42 PM

Had a doctor’s appointment

SJ || gay theatre kidYesterday at 11:42 PM

eat him

sorry

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:42 PM

he gets sick and has to take a break

turtleYesterday at 11:42 PM

His magic fucked up and went to another dimension

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:43 PM

job pulls him to the complete opposite side of the world

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:43 PM

he took a cruise

turtleYesterday at 11:43 PM

He wanted a vacation

SJ || gay theatre kidYesterday at 11:43 PM

send him to brazil

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:43 PM

got a new phone and lost the protag's cell number

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:43 PM

he broke his teeth and needs to get that shit fixed cuz goddamn

DaisyYesterday at 11:44 PM

im SO glad i didnt give enough context in the first one these are all SUPERB. i did think abt killing him off in the final confrontation but i really dont want this 9 year old murdering her grandpa gjkfds. it COULD be an accident because his powers are big and unstable. 

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:44 PM

mild heart attack puts him out of commission for a while

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:44 PM

goes to antarctica

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:44 PM

coma

DaisyYesterday at 11:44 PM

FUCK

GOES TO ANTARCTICA WINS. I HATE THAT, THANK YOU.

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

electrocution fucks up

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

fjsjfjjs

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

he gets killed

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

but he gets better

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

no?

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:45 PM

maybe the electrocution backfires and makes him bedridden for the rest of his life

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

yeah

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

if he wants

DaisyYesterday at 11:45 PM

he gets killed, but he gets better.........

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

it happens

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:45 PM

"better" means "more haunted"

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:46 PM

thank you

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:46 PM

ye I gotchu

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:46 PM

grandpa piss ghost

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:46 PM

send him to the moon

DaisyYesterday at 11:46 PM

he IS Like. ancient. he's ALREADY missing one leg. it would not take much to put him out of commission, but also he's a cockroach.

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:47 PM

dont send him to the moon....

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:47 PM

honestly the first thing that came to mind was despicable me

when they sent fucking vector to the moon

DaisyYesterday at 11:47 PM

portal 2 for me

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:47 PM

moons getting crowded

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:47 PM

how many antagonists have gotten stuck on the moon? holy shit?

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:48 PM

Usagi the moon bunny has a prison for antagonists

SmolMuffinYesterday at 11:48 PM

Alright gonna write a massive crossover of villains on the moon/j

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:48 PM

maybe just... make him cry and have a breakdown or something idk

he cant do shit if he's in bed all day like me

SmolMuffinYesterday at 11:49 PM

Also for a idea im not too sure

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:49 PM

he can cry on moontarctica

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:49 PM

Daisy if this is your psy oc I think you can get pretty absurd with it

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:49 PM

the moon: now with snow

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:49 PM

cold moon.....

that's how they keep the cheese fresh

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:50 PM

maybe just smack him with a newspaper

or pour concrete on him just leave his head above the surface or smth

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:50 PM

y'all are on the moon, meanwhile I've got him forever bedridden like Charlie Bucket's grandparents

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:50 PM

mood

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:51 PM

except grandpa Joe I mean

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:51 PM

dude what if like some sort of freak accident happens that just fucking snipes him and makes him useless

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:51 PM

that bed? It's on the moon now

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:51 PM

oh to be an old lady and sleep on the moon...

DaisyYesterday at 11:51 PM

it is the psy OC!!! her grandpa SUCKS and he's genuinely the worst person ive ever written and he wont!! DIE!!!

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:52 PM

oh.... oh my god..... to be Wallace from the Wallace and gromit go to the moon and have cheese and crackers.

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:52 PM

ghagfdka;gh

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:53 PM

maybe you can send him on a wild goose chase

for forever

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:53 PM

daisy heres what you do ok. you uhhhhh wait for him to die of old age naturally and see what his will says in an exciting will-reading scene

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:53 PM

just continuously give him red herrings

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:53 PM

imagine I put quotes around exciting

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:53 PM

give this man a macguffin, slap him on the back and say "go get em"

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:53 PM

red herrings? Why not a very fun destination???

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:54 PM

dude sell his soul to whatever sort of dark power there is for a single corn chip

bonk him on the head so hard he becomes a toddler again

uhhh

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:54 PM

what's that app that sends you on adventures based on what you wanna find?

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:54 PM

geocache?

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:54 PM

bonk him on the head in general

aye i've done those before those are fun

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:55 PM

Pokemon go??

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:55 PM

not geocache but close

hang on I saw a vid of it recently

Randonautica

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:55 PM

I mean... if you just have them be fidgety about it for a while... there doesn’t necessarily need to be an explanation now that I think about it

A lot of things could happen to him once he’s out of their sight that they might not end up hearing about

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:56 PM

send him to the mariana trench

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:56 PM

he steps away and gets hit by a bus a la Mean Girls

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:56 PM

all of the above

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:57 PM

theres a bus in  the mariana trench?

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:57 PM

theres about to be

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:57 PM

Pfft... he starts to walk away and quartermaster shows up, hitting him with the bus, and just turns to the kids and goes “bus is here”

DaisyYesterday at 11:57 PM

the most ambitious crossover of all time....

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:57 PM

snipe him so fucking hard that theres a crossover

dude just take his knees

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:57 PM

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:57 PM

like just take them off

un-velcro his knees

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

FUCK

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:58 PM

GOD

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:58 PM

bus in the trench

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

THERES THE FUCKING BUS

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:58 PM

DAMMIT

BUS IN THE TRENCH

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

TRENCHBUS GOTTEM

DaisyYesterday at 11:58 PM

well "bus in the mariana trench'' has clearly already been done >:T

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:58 PM

damn yeah

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

make it a mack truck

DaisyYesterday at 11:58 PM

nothings original these days

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:59 PM

original trench vehicle do not steal

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:59 PM

give him a "mid-life" crisis and make him go soul searching or something

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:59 PM

exactly! you can use mariana trench bus

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:59 PM

Ok, but back to serious answers: they could possibly read in the newspaper about him being arrested for something seemingly unrelated but that they and the readers may be able to connect the dots to some sinister thing he was attempting to do to them somehow?

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:59 PM

he gets sniped byh miss frizzle eastAugust 17, 2020

DaisyToday at 12:00 AM

OH WAIT FUCK UR RIGHT

THE WHOLE 

yall.

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:00 AM

let him realize that the most important lesson here is friendship

DaisyToday at 12:00 AM

im so fucking stupid

the WHOLE STORY. IS ABOUT HOW HES BEING INVESTIGATED BY THE PSYCHIC FBI

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:00 AM

friendship saves the day....

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaToday at 12:00 AM

theres only one braincell in this server its okay we're all just taking turns with it

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:00 AM

GHHGHAHG;GHRR

Sabrina || chasergirlToday at 12:00 AM

LMFAO

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:00 AM

THEY GOTTEM

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:01 AM

FBI stands for Friendship Bureau of Investigation

DaisyToday at 12:01 AM

i was SO FOCUSED ON THE END SCENE I FORGOT IT WAS CONNECTED TO A STORY........

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:01 AM

LAYS IS THE TRENCHBUS DRIVER

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:01 AM

uwu

Sabrina || chasergirlToday at 12:01 AM

“How do I eliminate this character being pursued by the fbi?” “My first option is to have him be murdered by children but I’d prefer not to have to resort to that”

I love it

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:01 AM

ngfdk;sgkfag;f

we all out here trying to play cabin in the woods with this old man

DaisyToday at 12:02 AM

never once did i claim to be clever

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:02 AM

and he would've gotten away with it too if it wasnt for this meddling government agency

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:03 AM

thus ends the saga of grandpa piss

DaisyToday at 12:03 AM

i am going to CRY this has been an adventure holy SHIT

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:04 AM

he sure did go a lot of places

spry old fucker

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:04 AM

I wonder how many trench buses he had to wait for

DaisyToday at 12:04 AM

you'd think at like 89 with one good leg he wouldn't get around as much but here we are

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:05 AM

he was probably rolling around in that bed 8T

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:05 AM

you can go anywhere with a bus pass and a sense of adventure

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaToday at 12:05 AM

can we make that zero good legs? i have a nice crowbar right here i can use

DaisyToday at 12:05 AM

BE MY GUEST

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaToday at 12:05 AM

im gonna put this man in a walmart scooter

kiss your knees goodbye

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:06 AM

(dont stop tho he has more trenchbuses to get hit by)

Theo || teddy assigned mormonToday at 12:08 AM

[numbfacemedia-blog]

Ghetto Correspondants (feat. Frankie Diamonds TV).aif transcript powered by Sonix—the best audio to text transcription service

Ghetto Correspondants (feat. Frankie Diamonds TV).aif was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the latest audio-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors. Sonix is the best way to convert your audio to text in 2019.

Yup.

You know, the vibes, hashtags and hot takes PI cars back in the building. Another week I'll bring you a whole fucking which a mental was good was going, nor was shaking on the line right now. Got my homie. Good, good content creator right here. This guy's got he's got all the hot takes. I want to.

I want. Welcome the homie Europe. You're awake. Also known as what is it, Frankie Diamond's TV.

Yeah, Frankie Diamond's TV. That's Frank G. Amongst my YouTube. Bet y'all. I'll say, what's up? I mean, nobody could really say was soft, but sounds like. You know, it's crazy. I'd just finished watching. I got the hookup, too. Really? Yeah. Well, let's jump right into the shits.

We should take our forty seven minutes. I can't get back from my last night.

You know what I've been noticing? Like you are wanted like cause I thought it was just me. But you're like one of the more critical commentators when it comes to black art. Well like you're very critical about it.

Yeah. Because I mean I support black businesses, but I think it's quality first. I mean, I'm not gonna. I'm all about entrepreneurship and black ownership, but we've got to have good quality, too. We can't just I'm not going to just support you because, you know, just because we the same skin color, we got to have equality. Got to be a point to write. Right.

I don't have Stockholm syndrome or whatever. But at the same time, because I got off Friday morning right now, still still good at a couple of checks and all that. You know, I'm a go to movies and check out guy.

I got to look up to what it was I selected.

It's you know, I just do us. Yeah. You know, they don't never put us out like the Avengers all over the place. So I was like, do I really want to pay twelve fifty to see. I got to look up to. And the first one was pretty shitty because I mean in 98 I was a kid, I thought it was good. But when you watch you watch is now 20 years later you might notice it's pretty spot. It's a shitty man.

It was so good comedy but it definitely was. It was it like up there? Hollywood like, come here.

The only thing about this one was the camera quality was better, right? Yeah. Masterpiece.

Got some money. I mean Romeo.

Yeah. Had a lot of cameos. Some of them was like real pointless. But I mean I checked it out. It's just I just was like, yo, I'm sorry, Percy. I just couldn't do it. No, no. Nobody is saying on the media's job. Will shoot. Right.

Magazines with their money put their money in the pockets of the people who created it. I haven't gone to see it because I don't.

I don't do movie theaters. Well, okay. I act like I'm a German phobe. And then ever since I saw the movie Outbreak, I've never wanted to go to a movie theater ever since. And so you'd be hard pressed to find me in a movie theater. Last movie, I think I went to see was the none this. Yeah, it is chick allowed to talk me into going to see this damn movie fucking waste of my time. Wow. Yeah. Much like a date, but masterpiece. When he was on a breakfast club speaking about this, he was saying how, you know, they do put black movies in select theaters, especially something of this magnitude. And then how?

The deal that they have is like you can stream it. So I think you can stream it on like you to ninety nine. Yeah. So as like it might be worth it to pay for me to pay that just to see it because I mean I do. Even if the movie is trash, I'll still put the money into the pockets of the black creators.

Well you put it like that because we all pay to see shitty white movies too. All right. You put it like that. But I mean, for me to go to a theater normally like about seeing The Avengers, like I'll be seeing some real blockbuster shit when I go to the movies.

I don't just go to see.

Or some shit is just to me is is meant to wait for TV. Netflix. One, two, three movies.

You just streaming online for free. Right. But a real. It was a real I mean it was it was I for what it was by me.

And I met Breakfast Club and it was really powerful. But to as. I thought he would do something more serious. I don't think he was requesting I got the hookup.

I don't know. As I was saying, he wanted that. I have no idea.

I mean, especially since the first see of reason. The first one was so dope, in my opinion, was because that was the boom of the cell phone era. So I get this. Cell phones weren't really out like that. Like that if you are a drug dealer. Right. You had to have some money to have a cell phone. And now that cell phones out like that is like I feel like they should have had another medium to work with. But, you know, they did what they did. I'm not. I'm not too critical on it myself.

I mean, I they did talk about gentrification, but I mean, he should have made some more serious.

But why hasn't a rapper with that kind of platform and profile and all of that make a movie about gentrification or talk about some real issues that's going on with black folks setting and just entertainment causes like a lot of us are obsessed, obsessed with escapism. Right now, we like to run away from our reality because it's so harsh. We want to deal with, you know, music and this and that and all this other.

Just why I'd be so hard on niggas like black celebrities like, yo, ya gotta get out of this escapism. The average kid can't be the next Jay-Z. Who doesn't? It's like Stephen a Smith. And I've always said he's a cone and all of this. But Stephen Smith made a cold about a month ago and it was really sad. You know, the average kid can be more like myself before he can be the next Jay-Z or the next Drake or the next Kobe Bryant. So, yeah, because not for nothing.

Kobe Bryant and Drake were more or less developed, I guess. Yes, they were kids like you will be. I'm sure his dad had him. Yeah, they would a ball as long as he could stand.

And oh, he played his dad play ball in the league. And then Kobe was when I was dad taught him first hand. He went to Italy. Right. He called basketball fucking prodigy. But I mean those are one in a million. Every kid on the court think they gonna be the next LeBron Kobe. But most likely they're not as he's being able to get back, stop training your kids just to be an entertainer.

Because I mean, even if you do get into the entertainment business, you can be in and out like you could be Trinidad James.

It don't last that long if everybody's so nice.

The shelf life for an artist or an actor is not like I mean, an actor can go a little longer than an actual music. Art is like a recording artist. You can get you can get about 10, 15 years time as an actor.

You can get about 20, 30.

I mean, look at look at the narrow and fucking Jack Nicholson and some of that, if you're right. Thank you for your resume. Niggas o niggas in the 80s. Right. It's crazy. But it's like I don't even see kids wanting to be doctors and lawyers and cops and shit no more. Everybody, you just want to be a rapper, a singer, a dancer, an actor, some kind of entertainment.

And I'm like, wow, because I'm flashing this day.

When I was a kid that we did a show and tell and all that niggas wanted to be regular, you know, careers. I'm like nobody said in the 90s when he was kid. I want to be a rapper.

Granted, there wasn't too there was like that one kid that always wanted to be a rabbit. It was always one or two.

Yeah. Yeah. Now you 30. Yeah.

Because the degree of difficulty is so low in hip hop right now. And I can't blame anybody for thinking make a rap because you turn on the radio or you go to the club after the shit is so trash and so watered down. That's why everybody thinks they can do it now. When I was growing up and I heard Nas and Biggie, I didn't think I could do that shit. They was doing this shit was impeccable.

Yeah, it was. It was a different time in and then the art was different now. You know, the art is just is instant. You know, like how everything else out here is instant. And the reason is like that is because what. How long does the album last these days? What was the last album that you played over?

I actually you know, to me, this first started a year. I thought 20, 19 was. Compared to last year, only albums are really fucked with this year for real. I like the babies album. Real bump in it. Yeah. Yeah, I do. I go online. Freddy gives a mad lib. I call that a masterpiece. I'm still playing that. That album is dope.

Jimmy. Jimmy. Jim Jones. SHAPIRO. I thought that fire.

I thought it was, too, but it didn't get as much replay, I guess, because replay value, I think really.

One week now. One week. Yeah. So what one would I.

So let's say let's judge these these albums we're talking about on replay value. So the replay value on what Freddie Gibbs and Mad lives that back then I could play that.

Oh yeah. That's just me personally. I just like the round. It's like production and I just I'm a fan of Freddie and. Now big trick. Put the album out last heard. That's pretty dope. I heard I couldn't get past the first nine tracks.

So how many tracks is on it?

It's like 18. And that's the one thing about you. I'm like, yo, put the replay value so low. Like Chris Brown put out an album two weeks ago. Got 30 tracks. I don't have tops at 30.

Sure. Don't say niggas a whole year to listen.

Exactly. You say you listen to this shit the whole day at work.

But you know, the baby album was just recently value on that because I've never listened to him. I heard him on a song on a radio. Yeah. What does that dad do? She'll get her that track. I was like, oh the nigga actually can read it if you like to me when I hear like a new artist today, I'm thinking all them niggas are like singing, rapping with the auto you like, and it's fucked up that I don't even give niggas the benefit of the doubt.

I'm the same way I did. I did a video on YouTube on a double excel freshman list and I should add on, maybe it was. How many of them was it like? Not. I might as shit shitted on six them and it was like, Oh, you got to check out Randy Rich. You got to check out Sierra Wag or you got to know. And I still haven't gotten around to it. But I mean, some people that try to tell you and sometimes you'll be surprised when these cats can read. Right. You know, I look at some of you know, when I look at that list, when it first came out, you had J.

Cole, Kindred, U.S. heavy hitters on that. I'm like, ls like Blue Face. Come on.

Oh, yeah. I know you think he gonna be around the way he's spending his money and the fact that he's with Birdman. I probably give him a year. Damn, he got two girlfriends. You know, so mean. Oh yeah. He definitely in need. Become another song that you can't that that lifestyle with two girls and that that the honesty is getting kind of old. So I mean I still kinda that she was all like after the first month that had no replay value.

Yeah. But do you go out to the clubs and shit like that. Nah man I'll just go to the clubs.

They still playing songs that songs that came out February March. So I'm still I still hear it every now and then.

But yeah I don't, I don't think I hate to be that negative and say so much so I gotta put this much time and that. But I don't think he's gonna be around 20 years from now.

Oh hell no. If you had to pick out of artists from this. The last 10 years. Who do you think should be around in 20 years?

Well, you make it as far as adding 10 onto what's going on right now or you talking 20, 30, something like 24.

Yeah. Add add 10 on to what's going on. Yeah. So right now.

See, the thing about that is I can say J. Cole, I can see Kendrick Agassi. But the way rap is, the older you get the day phase you out eventually.

I mean a over 35, 40 years old on the radio, unless it's like Z, obviously J got to you got the NSA in his back pocket and you think that's what's keeping him afloat?

Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. Know you've got Rick Ross. Rick Ross. Probably the only thing I could think of a 40 that still gets play. You know, long a string.

We've got to give it up to Ross though. Even though my folks don't want to give him is his.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But he knows a lot and Jay niggas hear the niggas got hear four beats. Yeah. And his flow is impeccable man.

He's nice. He's nice. I don't like him as a character. This is I kid and I've never denied it. But he's Molly the only person I could think of over 40 that you hear on the radio. So to answer your question, I don't know honestly, because what I want him to get a release date.

Finally, he's even teasing his name, calling it OK.

Go on, push it back to August. But I don't know, Mac, as they date this business, it's not designed for you to be in. It's a 20 year strong and still be relevant usually to people that are relevant to people who are doing movies, television. They had to move on to another outlet of entertainment because in hip hop, when you get like, look at Mickey.

Mickey is almost 40. They they think they done what they watched their as well.

You know, what was Nick Faldo? And I sat back and I watched the whole situation between her and and how that Remi shit and then her album and the Cardi shit played out. First of all, Nicki did in. She didn't embrace none of the younger artists. You know, I'm saying like Dre. He was known for that. Like the young nigga coming up. Even if even if we were like not him niggas is wack. Drake made it it hot trigger.

Why did he would ride the wave? Right. Right. But me goes with the head. How to song it to somebody you know who did that? Like who? Yeah.

You know who was famous for that before? Drake. Daisy. Yup. Maybe he will go down south. Get on the south niggas BS and we blow the shit hard. Yeah but if Jay wasn't on it niggas wasn't fucking with it.

Jay if you pay attention to his career, he stood next to whoever was hot, right. It's all career rather was Biggie DMX.

He did join us, but he did the juvenile ha remakes. He did.

He went on tour with City as because Hos wasn't dead.

He didn't let his ego get the best of you know, he did those kind of album, you know. I mean, he always did that. I think that was Cameron's downfall. Cam does hands. Mosquito Cam wouldn't be number two to anybody like the Harlem nigga shit.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm kind of you know, it broke my heart when I see Dame Dash go out like that.

Oh, man. Yeah. The problem is because Dame wanted to be too real. Why? And there's nothing wrong with being real. But in this industry, you've got to understand. Yes, a lot of snakes around here. And if your ball would be bored with it, but that only you got to throw niggas under the bus, because what happens now is motherfuckers want to blackball you. The niggas with all the money and the power can somehow bury you even if you do money.

I think he felt confident to do that because he's already blackball you. All right. He's a Monique status. When you've already been black, you ain't got nothing else to lose. I was disappointed because it was really building up like a new foundation. He was really building up steam. He had his YouTube and all of that. And then all of a sudden you apologize. And I think it happened right after he did. The Rock Nation Barbecue.

Yeah, right. Yeah. You're known as cleaning Lady Gaga.

God. People got on me about that. I was like, yo, man. They've done a shit. But I read it when I did it.

And it was cool. It was beautiful. But at some point, when did he. We'll get together and put the money together and put an agenda, I say let's do some push the call.

You're breaking up. You got to sit still. Yeah. You good now? But you started breaking up, OK?

I was saying, like the Rock Nation shit. I'm like, at what point do everybody stay? Get together and put their money together? I say, yeah, let's do something for people and push this shit forward. Russell, take a photo watching, looking cute for the gram. I'm like, yo, that shit is old now. I mean, that's not black excellence.

That's just a bunch of niggas taking pictures and shit with bottles and minnows. And I mean, I was like, that's my issue.

That's totally my issue. The fact that all of these motherfuckers get together, it's like, what is the purpose of these brunches other days? Like you said, photo ops like it. I haven't heard like one deal that somebody was like, yeah, we was at the Rock Nation Brunch in Bam! This idea came up while I was at the Rock Nation Brunch and bumped into Solid Soul. He was like, Yo, let's make some happen. You never hear that.

No, no, you don't. And people don't hold it. We don't hold them accountable. So you can say anything because everybody is so caught up in the celebrity, in their escapism.

You're just like, oh, shit, did he took a picture with Jay. Right. Yeah. And Jim Jones and hard gave another speech. Yeah. I'm like, okay.

But like what point do we start? Like some of these cats are from the most poorest neighborhoods in cities across the U.S.. And I'm like they've all let these cities get took over with gentrification. And I'm like, that's why I fuck with new sneakers and if she was trying to fight it.

Marshawn Lynch, who used to play in the NFL, is out there in Oakland. Try to fight that shit buying property. I'm like, what did J do for Marcy Wooden puzzle do for Harlem?

And he could go on and on and I'm like, yo, yo, niggas aren't really doing nothing right but job, you know, y'all got benefit offered a third about selling all stories, but I'm not doing anything and putting that money back into that. So that's what my issue with most black celebrities really be. I love my black people, but I mean, I'm a color how I see it, as you should know.

And that was that was my issue with. What is it, the fucking little mermaid shit.

What's going on at the know end about it myself with my co-workers telling me they got the BlackBerry. I was going to play a Little Mermaid.

Yeah, one at Holly Bailey. Yes.

I'm always going to be the main character area. Yeah, I think she's gonna play Ariel.

I mean, you can hey, I could sit there and tell you we was the first people here on this earth and I could give a history lesson. I'm not gonna do all that. But I mean, shit. It is what it is. I mean, I was telling my people said, Yo, The Lion King.

Forget the fact that it's in Africa. Most of the people that played the voices on those characters are black people.

This is a cartoon format, so you can't really see it. So, I mean. What's the big deal about this black girl playing a fucking mermaid is a fiction movie.

Well, it I don't think I see my take on this because I was very critical about this. And even to this day, like me, my girlfriend was talking about the other night and I just get so heated by it because we have the quote unquote woke people who talk about like we don't want pandering from our politicians.

Right. We choose who we want to let pander us like this Black Mermaid is to me, if you asked me, I think is a form of pandering, because why else would black people lie? If the Little Mermaid wasn't black, I don't think as many black people will be excited about it to go out and see it. They know how to get us to spend our money.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just like the Black Panther movie. That movie made all that money and writing it from it and making sure a million. Yeah, we think it's shit. Niggas was coming to the movie theaters and Dashiki. And Kim Jaffe Joe for outfits and all that Lincoln shit.

And that's not an argument like we let these companies pander to us much and we be like, oh yeah, nice. That is a victory. This is we. We finally get representation. I can see characters that look like a life some more.

It's a moral victory. It's like I told them about Obama. Rather as Black Panther. Laughter. It's like the Cleveland Browns, right? They've been sorry for like 40 years. If they make it to the playoffs, even if they lose about 20 points, it's a moral victory just because they finally got to that point. JOHNSON We may get not as kicked for so long. Black people, any little thing of progress is like a of it.

So, I mean, that's why I said this is like this is like basically a seat at the white man's table. You're not allowed to sit at the table. You can sit in the same room, but not at this table. We'll give you a steak, but you gotta eat. Just take off the floor. Did you and I was having this debate with people like do your not see the what's going on here? Like your claim me all so well, but I don't even see the bullshit and everybody. Oh, we fucked. We finally got a black mermaid. We ain't got shit.

And you know what's crazy about the whole world? Why? People know that we're more intelligent. We got more resources of information now, so. Right. They know the whole won't culture. That's why I don't even use the word word. I think that commercialized the whole state. Well, turn when Childish Gambino had that song last year with us on a rare Bone Jovi book. Stay well. Shit. Yeah. So it's like they know a lot of us are waking up in a morning. So why people are waking me up earlier. So now I just gotta step their game up and they're still able to confuse you, manipulate you and yada, yada, yada.

So I called it conscious. But I mean, you have to really think and a lot of most others don't want to say that is on the beach. Oh, how to say by somebody else. Exactly. You know, I don't have an opinion of their own. It's always going to be more seats.

You know, I was always going to be my father wasn't leaders that you hit it right on the head. And by the way, the world has to work, you know? Yeah. Because the problem is, if it takes too much effort to think, you know, family and we as bleep, we're already behind the eight ball. So we are here struggling every data to make ends meet. We are here, you know, trying to keep your kids out of the street like you got too much other shit going on to actually sit down and do some studying. So any little like you said, a little more victory is a win in our book, but I think is bullshit like bullshit.

And then I don't like how to look. I was someone you watched a shot on HBO on Showtime now really watch TV.

Okay, I'll be back. I don't blame you, but it's like I was telling my course.

Say, yo, Chicago has become the new city for like black exploitation. Like back in the day, all of the hood movies took place in New York. Right? Or you, L.A. like Compton. Watch Harlem, Queens, Brooklyn. It's like Chicago is now, you know, because all the homicides are murder. It's like the last five, six black movies I can remember watching took place in the south side of Chicago. They are just exploiting Chicago and all of the horror stories that people are really going through and making money off of it in these movies in my day, not put nothing back into the city or the neighborhood. It's like you got the Barbershop 3. That was about Chicago. Yeah, the shop which I watched. That's about Chicago. Another cat was all breakfast club. He's got a show about Chicago. You've got the beats on Netflix with Davis and Anthony Anderson.

Part of my dad is exploiting the city and talking about these issues and my body are doing for these people.

All right. I'll be thinking deeply because it's like all when there's money to be made. That's when they'll do it. If your city got bad enough, they'll start doing movies about it, too.

And your people are gonna get shit on my desk.

That's like exploitation of one on one to me. But that's what they're doing right now. They've been doing it for years. But Chicago's just happened to be that city right now that they don't write in.

And it's not going to and is not going to change, because I would think if you're doing that right, like you're gone and you're exploiting these cities, like remember how when they had the wire.

Yeah, Baltimore. And they were I used you live in Baltimore.

Yeah. But they were using people from the neighborhood to you know, there was sprinkle amended with the with the there the actors and that's how we should be black put money in the pockets of these people in cities like don't just come here, set up shop and then, you know, shoot, just shoot them. Bounce now and bounce. You leave everything dilapidated. You ain't even attempt to help one family.

No. That's what Spike Lee did with the shot reaction. Like he just came in and he shot the movie. He didn't do his real study on a coaches or a lot of people from Chicago was like, yo, let's not talk now, eat.

That's not how we eat out. You know, in a spike Lee's funny to me because I'm in a few years ago, he got so frustrated he couldn't win an Oscar. He was at the Academy Awards. Hey, it is a racist. Well, she you know, then take a one award this year.

I think it was that I met a guy and did what he had done, some weird suit to write some Willy Wonka shit.

I think it was hugging them like, thank you for finally accepted me.

I see this as once again, Megan, who has won a seat at the table. Yeah, they really do. I said this before, right? In this I said this years ago, this is in reference to beyond, say, because people put beyond say up on this pedestal, right. And the reason that her fans drive me crazy, right. Just just wait for her fans. Drive me crazy because they put her up there on his pedestal. Right. You can't say nothing bad beyond say never has a bad pitcher. She never has a bad day like. She's just perfect, right? Yeah. But when she doesn't get an award from these academies, it's like, oh, they don't respect greatness and they don't do this. It's like what does like if you got 10 million followers, I don't know how many followers she got. But let's just throw this out there. She got 10 million followers, right. That's 10 million people that are willing to do anything you say at any moment. Like he's my father. They dropped all kids to go pick up your fucking boobs.

But you kind of started that shit when he interrupted Taylor Swift. Exactly. I started to hold Beyonce.

They must have everything. And she's the best and all of that. But you'll be RC came to my city last year and did her and Jay-Z did the tour and I did it at the football stadium on a run.

You know, get a run, whatever the fuck it was called. And they don't you know, they let kids out a half a day. Early school girl got out like eleven o'clock. So they knew the traffic was gonna be that bad. Well I missed it. Yeah. For the army like Beyonce, they got the whole school shut down.

Right. But back to my point. Right. Why do you need an award to let him know your value? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, what do you go on social media? You see that more focused treat you and your husband like fucking royalty. Yeah. What the fuck do you need this award? Then they want that validation. They want the white man is validated all on it. I'm allowed in your club. That's what pisses me off about this wolk shit. We are so fucking hell bent on being woken in black excellence. Does black excellence that still the white man's approval and his like. And this is no disrespect to any white people because, you know, a lot of times on his podcast people think that be going on some light super pro black shit that I'd like hate white. It has nothing to do with that.

The the thing is that.

Our people don't need to be valid, like white people who look for black people validation power.

They know how to get our dollar here. They don't. They don't care. If you would nominate Brad Pitt at the BDC, you would. Yes. If I watch I don't watch the Grammys.

I stopped watching it years ago. I don't watch the Oscars. I don't watch none of these fucking shows. I didn't watch the beauty awards. I mean, I don't watch. I don't know that white validation or whatever long it should be. I don't need somebody to meet my people.

Who was the best hip hop artist to be? Had those panels as a bunch of old white guy.

I know. What? What? Well, yeah.

Well, my goal, my Apple music is going to tell you the heavy rotation in my shit, a bunch of old white guys are gonna tell you who is the best rapper you know about my man.

Don't let folks get mad and then let it all on and tweet. Slate, dig. How about we add to that point earlier we were saying about the Rock Nation Brunch. We have all these millionaires within our own fucking. Scuse me, I own ethnicity or whatever race, culture, whatever you want to call it, we have all these motherfuckers with this money. Why do they not take their money and pull it together and do something for our people? Like everybody praises Tyler Perry, right, for that for his ownership speech and. All right. And all that. I should put my focus be overlooking a lot of the snakes, should they? He do. Yeah, actually. All right. The simple fact that Hill Hill, you know, a lot of his movies have a stereotype of how they depict the black man.

Oh, yeah. That definitely for Colored Girls was a horror movie. I mean, I couldn't blame any woman if you watched that and she didn't want to date a black man again. They made us look like. Right. Monsters and shit. But, you know, I will get him somewhat of the best student.

That was a that was based off a book. So it wasn't like he wrote it.

But he still chose to put it out as a black.

And that's fine with me. I got no problem with that. But what I do have a problem with is balance. Yeah. If you won't make us look crazy. Lindsay Tanner was looking great to be good. Are some great men out here.

But like what you were saying about putting their money together and I was gonna do a video on this false black ownership levels to this shit. We got a lot of millionaires. We don't have a lot of billionaires. We only got five. One of them recently. I could've sworn Dr. Dre made a billion before James even maybe unplugged. When I did it, I was there.

He said that they preemptively jumped the gun with that speech or title because his they sold the stock, I think beats by Dre.

The company itself was worth over a billion dollars some Welker.

But so yeah, we got Jay now and we got Bob Johnson really got five billionaires. Oprah. Roger Smith. Yeah. Now. And Byron Allen, I believe is a billionaire. But we have levels to this ownership ship. We got a lot of millionaires. We don't have a lot of billionaires. I mean, when Puffy and Steph Curry and Em was talking about buying the Carolina Panthers. Right. Every sports team is worth over one hundred billion dollars. You couldn't buy that on your own. You'd have to get minority stock ownership and everybody had to pulling together. Right. But it's a lot of false right now. I love Ice Cube as my nigga, but they're putting him as the spokesperson at the big three.

He isn't he doesn't own the company.

He's a he's one of the best way owners. Yeah. He's the face that promotes it because he's a celebrity. But he doesn't own it completely.

He's like it's like him in two or three other dudes. Right. And I say, Magic owns the Dodgers. No, magic has 50 million or minority ownership. The game is worth 50 billion dollars. So you do the math. He owns it. He's a he's one of the many owners.

But the way they sold it to us is that, oh, magic on the Dodgers or on Jay Z on the net when he only owns 2 percent.

They've got a rule like J.C. rule in the NBA now where you can't own less than 2 percent.

Right. And also, we got a lot of minority owners. Oprah sold her network. A lot of niggas don't know that. She don't relish more. Yes.

He sold 70 percent of it to Discovery. Discovery brought this shit up.

Well, you know what that is, though, right? That's that big bag. Take little bank shit.

Yeah. Yeah. And I still call it the own network. So they write it well because writes it they change the name of it. They're gonna lose, they're gonna lose subscribers as a premium channel.

So they take they to deceive you like odes to Oprah's shit. Right. Or watch it. Yo Oprah. I've got nothing to do with that.

No. It was like I was this point in this. Years ago, two friends of mine, as you know, I used to live in Vermont and people in Vermont take their pride in their local brands in Green Mountain Coffee, which is a great coffee company. They make amazing coffee. You know, used to be a local brand, but is now owned by Coca-Cola. A lot of people were upset. I don't support it because Coke owns it and is, you know, corporate conglomerate bullshit.

You know, I'm saying all of that shit in what I said to somebody is big bank take low lobbying drink. In order for this company to survive, they're gonna have to sell or that company is going to go under because what's going to happen is the competition's going to force you up. It's like hustling. Nigga, if we got dope on the same block, right? I'm up the street. You down the street.

My traffic is a little more flowing because I got a better product. Oh, so what you do, you go on upping your product because you got more money, you upping your product.

You don't have to cut it as much because now you've got twice as much as I do and you're able to undercut me with the price. So what's going to happen? Nigga, you think they go. They were paying eight dollars up the street. They could pay six. What? Down the street. They only get. It's simple mathematics, but people get so caught up in this. Oh, it started small. We got to keep it small is like no body starts. A company with the hopes of there is just going to be us far for for.

I mean, look at look at Amazon to start edition in his garage. And they did Amazon Prime. Day to day life just like Amazon has taking over Wal-Mart. Like you're you wipe out everything and you're just gonna be online by it.

Yeah. So, yeah, it started out as a just awesome garage sale shit.

Niggas started selling books. Yeah. You're selling books. Textbooks. Yeah. Book. No. Isn't it. You could buy a thing from build those motherfucking socks.

Anything on that. Anything. Anything in there. Killing it. Did you see.

Since we're talking about this, why does sceptics in fake ownership. Did you see Dapper Dan on the Breakfast Club.

I heard most of it. I've seen a little bit of it. Yeah. Dapper Dan. I was glad I did that. It's all about to happen there.

So he basically was on there. And it was it was interesting, right? I'll tell you why. Because he started off by saying, you know, the reason that he's working with these companies is because he wants to get global and he knows that.

If he just makes it for Harlem, nigga is only gonna stay in Harlem. He can only go as far as those Harlem walls to let him.

So if you want to be in China, you gotta fuckin appeal to that, right?

You gotta have the the big the big corporation back into those stores now. What Charlemagne was asking him is, well, what can we do that with a Sean John or FUBU or any of these other black companies?

He was saying, what did he say? He said that we don't put that value in our own clothing. And basically, like, we will spend money on it, but it doesn't mean anything to us.

You know what it is? It's like, OK. I'm excited. I used to watch Rock, all that, you know, urban fashion. But you would think the most I pay for a charge on. I was like a hundred and twenty.

Back to you. Yeah. But you wouldn't pay. The average black person is not going to pay. Let's say. OK, a pair. Gucci flip flops is 250, right? Yeah. Would you pay to fifty nine? You probably wouldn't.

But you can make is that a pay 250 for those Gucci slice but wouldn't pay to 50 for let's say some Shaun John slash background. The Rockaway side is awesome. Any urban brand you could think of is just beach. We don't, we're programmed to think less of ourselves. So. Than that top dollar. Fendi.

Prada, Louis. We don't put any value. Did we were to spend that kind of money on a hood naked T-shirt? Right. I'm sick because this is one of us. But when it comes to that and you know, it's easy when you walk into those stores you could sell, you've got to know your financial status. A lot of black people don't. They think they middle class. But if you live in check that check. You're not middle class, man. You know, I mean, you know, on a map, you, you know, say you getting by, but you're not middle class. But you go into a Gucci store. It's clear. It's not designed for poor black folks. It's because, like, they don't play Gucci stores in the hood.

No, they put them in the suburbs on outlets or big malls. They don't put Louis in. They put that stuff far away from you as possible. They're letting you know this isn't to you. But we own it and eat it up and buy it anyway. And I'm like, why are you on niggas? I'm not paying to for those sandals. I'm sorry. Yeah, okay. I don't care how much money I got. I don't care what logo you got on this ship. I got it.

And I think just what it is, too, is more or less the the pill, too. Right. Because when you look at Sean, John, a lot of people if you notice now, at least I know with our generation like the that age bracket, a lot of us, we don't like the big logo. You don't like? We don't want. We don't. I'm not a billboard for you. Like, I would love the wisdom, Sean. John, if it didn't say fuck it. Didn't have a signature across the front of me.

You know, I'm saying get like a little logo or design.

You know, the saying less is more is very true. Like Nicki, you don't have to do all that shit like you don't get polo.

I got a little time. I was just about to say that thank goodness I got on a polo t shirt right now and a little horse is down at the bottom in the corner. That's all.

You know, the rest of the shirt is just itself. And you got that little logo.

That's all you need in. And we eat that shit up because. Yet we place. We we help increase that value.

Stop. Oh, no. Yes. Oh, you just think every day, even though you think this shit is better than you look. Like I say, you like Dapper Dan saying you don't put that much value into your own shit. I would never mean I'm not a bit into the European fashion shoot, but I know niggas who are they would not pay nearly as much. So is there any urban clothing I could think of? Like tr still got a cool, right?

I think so. Yeah. Not thinking. I think. Yeah. I think it. But I know he also got that hustle gang won.

Yeah. Yeah. But niggas would not pay more than 40 dollars for a hustle game shirt but they pay two hundred for a Fendi shirt. So I mean it's this is the way it is. There's been too much push for a hundred years of programming.

You can't embrace it. So.

Right. And because you they put it on a runway we see like some model in it. Yet I see. It's like good New York Fashion Week.

That's fucking trash man is what they do.

And they end up with the hottest celebrities in it.

That's I like you. I just didn't like how dapper Dan made it seem like we're only as good as this ratio or our square blocks. Like all of these companies have the potential to go far. It's like just like how you got Gucci to work with you because you said that they're paying homage. Nigga helped them fucking bring up another company. Tell them to fuckin underwrite one of these companies like help your people like buy your Napoli damn well for self right now.

Yeah. He's always been on for self because isn't his brand was Kate. It's always like a say back in the day was drug dealers and rappers. Right. Going to your store. Regular people are Harlem couldn't afford that shit. Yeah. Yeah. And so and now his resurgence and she's trying to go after the people that got money. This just goes back to what I put to the Gucci stores in the suburbs.

And they don't put that shit in the hood because they know people in the hood can't afford it. So dad trying to go for that. You know, that brand of people who got it to spend it.

So he's always been about that. He never gave up. You know, the better for us now. You know? Yeah. The money then. Yeah. But if you had the money, if you'd call him black dapper Dan and I have a best for blacks in a sec as he comes from poor black.

Yeah. It's awesome. Poverty.

The niggers. He told his story about how they used to fuck it and had to rob supermarkets for food.

The nigger said he went back to high school at twenty three.

I mean, it's just it's it's just the same man. When I see what we do to our own people was like, we're they. None of us give a shit, but we plain we give a shit. You don't think it's only Kevin is like, you know it, which is a good Segway into this whole ASAP rocky thing. Oh, God, it's only a it's because of the conversation that can be had, right? Yeah. Cause remember, I mean, two totally different cases. But Freddie Gibbs was locked up in Austria for day. I said I don't think it's a rape. It was there for that, right? Yeah. We talked about this like niggas dating because it was it like for one this does too. I have two takes on as well. Anytime there is a rape accusation.

Niggas won't touch it even if they know your character. Lightning. We could grow up, be buddies hand in hand if you or I get one of those charges is like shit.

I don't know. We got we did in fact like that happen for free. Right. This was amazing to me. Oh damn, you have one.

And I was like when I was young. That's why when I was watching that 6 post. Good. It's kind of hard for me to watch. Yeah. When I was younger, I was like 13. I got accused. Shit like that.

Wow. Yeah. Really? When you as a man. I was a boy. Yeah. People don't give you the benefit of the doubt when you are shit. Yeah, you're right.

Especially if light is like my fault. I grew up with you now. Not for nothing. Niggas already know their homeboys that it creeps. You know, I'm sayin like you noted, nigga, that if they said he'd make this nigga design, you might look at him sideways. Be like, nigga, I seen you at a few parties, nigga. Try and put your arm up this big box so you know. But when that happened to a friend of mine, I was like that. I don't even sound like him. Why would the fuck gone? And then, you know, come to find out the chick ly because she was fucking around her. Do she want to do to notice she was cheating and all that bullshit. Right. You ruin a nigga name over some bullshit. Same thing with Freddie Gibbs. Now I don't know Freddie give personally, but through his music and the way he carries himself. I never saw that being his character, you know, saying like this something like you've never seen him with chicks and videos where he's like 7 to chicken eyes and doing all his extra shit. Now if I see that, I'm sorry. I don't care what type of man you are. I'm going to second guess. If a woman says that you did something to her. If you had these these type of images. I'm just saying, like, I'm going to when I see me eat me, I'm looking out.

I get what you're saying. And I see it that way, too. But my take is we had the meat to our souls.

A lot of girls our age is one explosive. What's come up is one to come up in a check.

So, I mean, right now, you really know. I try not to think about it. When somebody gets into a situation like that on my. I don't notice a knock. That's what I'm saying.

That's the other side of it. So now was like lone rape accusations. You don't want to touch you like love you myself.

That's why I didn't talk about it. The only thing I said about a sap was that I remember when he was like, Yo, all lives matter.

Yeah, he was. Can't relate to Mike Brown. I can't relate to Eric Gardner. He gave he basically gave everybody who's asked cuz yell out. He in trouble. He down and out. If you want everybody's support. My mom and look look at you now. Like what guys.

Does he really want everybody's support or does he just want to come. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Because we've never heard from him. Nobody had him on the phone like yo ease up on a phone, talk to the people you know if you want to fuck.

Yeah. Everyone's given him their support.

I know y'all tend to forget he didn't he wasn't really rocking with us like that. Basically it's like us other nigga Travis got. Yeah. He said on Breakfast Club he was like yeah. My brother wasn't pretty big too. All right.

The cops did what they had to do in a year from Texas. And he was getting up to do with me or some shit like that.

So some of these niggas basically get money and I forget where it come from because he gets so disconnected from black reality when you got money. First thing we do. We get money. We go to the suburbs and get around white people. Right.

And act different. Yeah, we get the fuck away from my own. And now a sad. Rocky is fill in that nigga. You still nigga.

Yeah, he got that. Even if you went to bands, you're still a nigga mob. That's what this is is the moment it was his.

See, the thing about his statements is he was wrong for that. I totally agree. Like that was fucked up. Like you should've just been like, look, man. No comment.

Or like, don't say nothing less is more like don't say nothing. Especially if you have something negative to say negative. Your mom always said being nice to say, don't say nothing at all. No. This nigga. He said that that was fucked up. Now I want to know what the hell is going on. Because if there's some, like, racist shit, like bring em out, why we you know, like as black people, we should not want to see a black man in jail. I don't give a fuck, which is why unless you did some heinous shit. Now, if you'd like out here killing babies and raping women like they could go to jail, fuck you. Okay, I'll do it like you while you always belong in jail. But. The says some some some off the wall shit. I need you, God. We won't hold you to that. No, we ego forget, but yeah. I don't want take some with him.

Threaten to leave. I'm just right. I'm not going out of my way like I'm not writing these paragraph captions on this.

I'm not doing all of that. Hey, you know, thing pieces out of me.

Yeah. I mean, God bless you. But I'm not. I'm not doing all that. I'm not. I'm not hanging up signs and I'm not getting tattooed and I'm not doing all that.

But because from from then that's crazy. Some might get a free ASAP tattoo, right?

Not now. I've seen niggas with Wi-Fi signals tattooed on a net. What? Yeah. Yeah. It's like using old niggas is getting like wildfire niggas you just bored by yo.

What do you want? Nigga, give me a likable nigga. I ran out of room to get I personally day man.

Men shouldn't get tattooed on a ledge. If you're gonna get tattoos on your legs, that means you've run out of room from the right stuff. Some niggas have ran out of room literally. So now they're getting started. Shit, I'm not your young niggas. Gotta relax.

It depends on the tat. Like. I'm all for the body are like I like turtles, but it depends. Like I'm gonna leave. Don't don't touch it face. Like that's just the dumbest thing.

Dad, what are you doing now? You know, I don't know how much kind of job security. You go ahead. I think he's really thinking about this. You know, the end. No, I'm not thinking about what they're going to do 20 years from now. Well, if they can be so nice them on to something, I don't plan on being here. It's going to cause riots.

Really, a lot of them aren't planning on it, which is really sad.

Oh, I forgot to Segway into this earlier. What do you think about that? Appreciate.

Oh, man, this ain't the first time that Jermaine Dupri says some off the wall shit in an interview in this fucking era. Like once again. Nigga, you shouldn't have said anything. And I think the problem is he said too much. He should've just said a lot of them sound alike, which I get. There are some women, you know, like the whole twerk generation shake. Yes. Which is fine. I'm all for women's empowerment. You can go catch me singing on it as shit, but do they all like you? I have no problem with it, but. JD put his foot in his mouth because he shouldn't Asian is that they all sound like strippers rapping because in now all of a sudden that sounds like an attack.

Yeah. It it sound like an attack on Okada. It sounds like an attack on. I guess he was trying to go and make the stallion, too.

Yeah. Yeah. All the girls that I've been I will say there was a Muslim and some people were like, well, Foxy and Little Kim was doing that.

So yeah, but they were like the only two. Trina came later. You had more diversity from the female rappers back then. You had Lauryn Hill, you had ease, you had Queen Latifah, M.C. Light. I think now is just all of them.

Now, you do have female rappers that don't do that strip club gimmick. Right. But thing is, if you're not talking that agenda, they're not going to play you. Right. We have heard of Rhapsody. Yeah. Yeah. She's dope. But she goes she looks like a dyke and she's not talking the talk shit. They don't play her. They don't write her.

Because you've got to go out of your way to listen to the other side. That is comfortable with yet or is upset. Now seeing that I'm like one Jermaine, like you're a part of the same business.

You know why these girls are doing all of this? Is that job. Don't push the girls who do the alternative. You just gotta push the Lauryn Hill types anymore. You only push to make Stallion City Girls Cardi B get up. And that's why all these girls, they want to get that bag. So they gonna do what it takes to because they know what it takes to get high because they're not gonna play.

Remy was supposed to be caught. Nikki's replace me. Yeah, but really didn't push their sex like they wanted. And Remy is a little rough around the edges. You know, jump in a little time. Scottie was the more sexy, safe, safe pick. Yeah. So Damon plays Cordy with Nemo and Nick even really got out. She did to sheet this shit and she illness initiated. Right. But they replaced, they slide, they played chess and they skipped over Remy and Sam Corey just called it that agenda that they wanted. So it's like to him to be in the industry, you know, you ain't done, bro. You know what any of these girls do on that.

You were part of the business and Jermaine Dupri is part of that. He's from that cloth of this circle of friends. Did you you said always, always never liked him.

I respect them. But Jermaine Dupri made all his money off the little kids you know about criss cross the bread.

He was with TLC that none of them made any money. That's why the brand works for Ricky Smiley now. Yeah, which is sad, really. I mean, if she's happy, does dope, but legit. Yeah. I feel like said she was the first female platinum audits. Right.

Like you should you should be a little more ahead. And see, that's the part to like. Do we want. Do we want female rappers to be like super lyrical or do we want them to have some sort of sex appeal to like because the sex appeal like that should look good. I'm sorry. I don't look good.

One of my favorite was Eve because I thought he was a mixture of both. She had syphilis. She wasn't as sexy as Cam or whoever, but she had a sex appeal. And she also like the kind of like the cute girl next door look she doesn't like. And then she also had good content and she could rap and she could hold it down with X and all of them niggas. The you could make songs, even though that made the first three albums was dope.

Okay. Nobody said like he was dope. Now I can say whatever by her now you know. But she was dope as a rapper. I like that. I mean, I mean but me like Nicki, I could never relate to Nicki Minaj. I thought her music was catered towards gay dudes and girls. You know, I'm just not going to run around in my car listening to you talk about sucking dick all day. But, you know, it depends. This is the diversity is all I want. I mean, everybody should have a choice, should be options as many rappers as we've got now. It should be way more options than it's ever been. But instead, everybody's doing the same thing.

They are in and I and I think, like you said, that whole agenda of my fucking.

We want. We want to strip club music. We want to talk music like that's cool. Like you said in the club, certain there are certain songs that need to be played in a club. Like if I go to a club and a plane, all fucking hard core liberal cool shit.

I would be like, not as safe as Spock. If you came in a club and I was playing gangster, fuck you, you tried to run.

And this is no disrespect to gangster, but every every group hip hop artist has their place. Yeah. And they'll do it right. We need to stop thinking. Just because just because I think you hot doesn't mean the rest of the world supposed to agree with me like nigga. I think before I listen to my fucking caches, not too many my folks know about caches that I'd be like, you're listening. Hi. I going around being like, yo yo. I'm listening to cash out niggas. What? Because that shit ain't for everybody.

And then when they start listening. So if you like what I've been listening to what they want. Exactly.

And it's a competition of who can be dope, eh? Once again, we. This is the whole fucking wide acceptance because now we're trying to chase this, quote unquote, invisible. Invisible trophy that they're, you know, waving in front kids at the end of the day. What did these women what did these female rappers going to get like was the ultimate goal other than they trying to secure a bag, make sure they got their family secure? All of that nigger. What are you out here reaching for? Cause there's no trophy at the end of the fucking row. Yeah. You see Redlands.

Yeah, exactly. It's no longevity because I'm like, you know, when you look at sexy girls now, I will say Nicki made herself empire and she's gonna be comfortable financially.

So life's right. Something happens. Lil Kim is doing reality shows. How little Kim? She fumbled bag.

You know, what's your favorite? Lil Kim in my home. You saw about this the other day. Niggas was a little Kim's like no, like favorite Lil Kim like version.

Which era niggas is tall. Oh, yeah. Kim like she was Jordans and shit like. What do you like. I like ninety nine to two thousand Lil Kim. Some other matrix. K I you know face the surgeons right now. I told my albums, I'm told them about face was.

Yeah. Yeah. That was, that was the second album. That was a face of the way she transformed herself. One second. Right. Right. I did not hardcore Lil Kim. Ninety six nine.

She was she was pretty. She was sitting on the album cover when she got an album cover man got niggas through a rough period in time.

My cousin stood at one point, you know, in his day. He's had a lover over like 20 years. I said, dead nigga, I will not take that, that I share price stuck to the wall.

You could take the thumbtacks I saw.

She is still like it just doesn't know on any day. That was my favorite version of Kim. Kim was Dukes. I don't know how she looked like fuck.

She's like an Asian lady. Like a fat Asian woman.

Sure. I want them bitches of Mob Wives New York to do surgeries, not about poll taxes.

So I don't know. She just she don't look. She looks like a clown. Right. So in and I don't know.

Like who? Who. Who's to blame for women in our culture? Our black women? Going overboard with the plastic surgery and surgery is shit.

Cosmetic surgery, yeah, because black women look at look at Phylicia Rashad.

Somebody is me along. Some of these girls like I was posting somehow listen. And I'll be posting cougars all the time on my Instagram. I'm like, yo, these girls did nothing. These women did nothing to their faces. Still beautiful.

So when I look at like Vivica Fox and my Vivica was like my crushes kid, she didn't need to do any of that shit. She did it. I made some things about it is something is telling them they need to because Hollywood puts so much pressure. That's what I'm saying to look a certain way. You've got to have your lips this size. You ask gotta be the size, your waist. And that's why I do it now. Why do girls do it? You know, I don't know. Girls in the hood getting fake ass injections.

What was she saying, Resa? It's the same thing. Like they're going for some sort of idea of what men want. And we as MIT black men like niggas, you know, I swear to God niggas would if I let me let me take my time with this. This is why you're flustered, right? So these women, when they were younger and they dated like niggas loved you for who you were. Niggas weren't like, yo, you know, I'm saying, you eat your ass ain't fat enough. You got niggas don't do this. This is other women that are critical to women to win. I was like, oh, I got to get the fat ass because this bitch over here. She pulled this nigga. But they don't realize all of these niggas that they trying to quote unquote, pull out niggas that are treating them like cards, like yo, bitch, you good for a couple of years and I'm gonna call you out. Yeah. I mean, did the young hot tinder Roni, they care more about what the women think than and then what we did. Exactly. And then they tell us we ain't shit right now. I loved you the way you were before this. And here you go. Fucking chopping, screwing your body. And now I got a fucking build a bitch.

Yeah. You got a leg up bitch. Right. It's like.

And then where we're shallow because we tell women, oh, that's too much in his life is my body. I should do what I want. Yo, I was thinking I was some. Oh jeez. Yesterday, right. My father got a cigar shop and like all. Oh, jeez, go through it. Yes, sir.

Yeah. And I was over there yesterday and the dew said some to me that was so fucking dope. And I hope this shit sits on a lot of young men's heads out there.

He said that God gave woman God gave this. God gave women. Here.

God gave women eyelashes, eyebrows as titties, body boom. If she isn't happy with what God gave her, why would she be happy with what you think you could give her? And that was the dope I should have. I sat there like that, this nigga really just said, and it just made so much more sense because if they're not happy with what they have. Nigga, what the fuck? I'm offering you definitely going here.

I wouldn't even deal with a girl. Listen to that chick. Is you never. She's never gonna be satisfied.

No, you won't be out here. Mad as hell wondering why? Why you can't keep a woman or what? You know, I'm saying it's like dating in that twilight zone.

That's why I like a little Caesar saying Lil Kim used to run around the house bugging out. Actually, niggas I know was too big on those.

Too big just while I lie, I just said fuck it and only if it is rolling in his grave.

Damn well shit. I mean we we touched on a few things we can see here. Go back and forth all day long cause nigga I'll be on your mom. Fucking ya g ly yo this nigga crazy you.

I said yeah. Follow me on. I said listen Frankie Diamond's TV saying so to you too. Frankie Dallas TV were were.

Give him this. What if you still on Twitter.

Now I'm on it, but I'm not on it. I mean about what at this point it's. I use it for information sources at this point. I just know. I don't know. Man dead on there so long. There's just nothing new to me. So I don't really suck with Twitter like that. Fair enough. Enough. It's kind of boring to me. Now is the same old shit, same all ignorant as niggers and random nudes and shit on a time line. Yes.

You know, Twitter is one of us. Yeah, exactly.

Is this a dark holes? A guilty pleasure. Whatever you want to call it. Well, thank you again, homie. You're away in the building. Yo, make sure y'all follow the homie.

He's got some great takes. Content is hilarious if you love the randomness that I'll be throwing out here. You definitely gonna love listening because he's way more critical on the black coat culture than I am. Y'all think that I'm talking about.

Yeah. Frankie Davis TV matters. Follow me, man. Appreciate you having me on. I've got to come back as a guest. Did any any time correspond in a song?

Hell, yeah. I'm I'm I'm I'm going to work on something to make this a thing because I'd reach out to a lot of people and we have such great conversation. But, you know, everybody's in different parts of the world and we've got technology that that shouldn't be an excuse that niggas can't fucking link up. So we gonna make some happen. I'm a reach out. Definitely. Stay in touch. It's always good to you guys out there. Thank you all for listening. Tune in in another episode. Hash tags in hot takes.

We'll be back next week. Peace.

I work.

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[sweetpeachjones]

YMUB pt. 7

Episode 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 , 6

A/N: Thank you for putting up with me

 For my anon n @pupyluv247 xoxoxo

"Ugh, why is it so damn hot in Oakland?" You lie in your silk sheets tossing and turning desperately trying to find some comfort. It wasn't the temperature that had you going crazy like, your hormones were raging. It has been 3 weeks since you moved out and got your own place. Three weeks since you and Erik spoke. He would call and you ignored his calls you ended up changing your number altogether. He would come by the office and your secretary would block him. If he got belligerent security was called and he would leave but Erik was persistent and it was a matter of time before you had to face him. You decided on taking a cold shower before drifting off to sleep, however, your cell phone was almost begging you to call Erik. He didn't know where you lived and tonight wasn't the time to found out. The glow of the phone irritated you so much that you took the battery out and put it in ur drawer. Only then you were able to get some rest. The next morning after finishing your first appointment, you were waiting for your second when you received a call from the University. "Hello Mrs. Stevens" "Yes" "Oh hello this is Shelia from the Black  Excellence committee and I wanted to inform you that you and your husband are going to be nominated with humanitarian of the year award." "Oh wow well I'm honored." "I'm glad you are you guys have done so much work for our city and beyond it's time you have been recognized. So the ceremony is Aug 11 a month from now and I will email you further details okay." "Okay, thanks so much." "No thank you and have a wonderful day." As soon as you hung up your secretary buzzed in about Erik calling. You told your secretary to say you were in a meeting. As your second appointment walked in. At 5 pm you prepared to leave as you walked out the door you smelled some familiar cologne you knew immediately who it was, you reached into your pocket and grabbed hold of your switchblade just in case. You stalking me now." You said flatly and kept walking. You didn't have to look back to know he was following you. "You can't keep ignoring me Y/N" "Wanna bet, what do you want" "You of course" "Oh thought I was unless to you." You turned as you walked in the parking deck Erik quickly follow seeing you walked to an unfamiliar car.

"What's this?, Where's your car?"

"None of your business but I bought this baby as soon as I moved out. I figured you would have some sort of tracker and found out where I am." You fiddled with the keys as you dropped them in water the other day, it has been malfunctioning since then. You pressed the unlock button only to have the car alarm go off. Frustrated u bang the keys on the roof, Erik silently watched you throw a temper tantrum. He calmly grabbed the keys from you pressed on some buttons, silenced the alarm and unlock your car door. He opened the door for you and waited til u got in. You said nothing as u got in and he slammed the door. You wanted to wipe that stupid smirk off his face as he waited for you to say something. You didn't you just started the car. "Is there something else you need." "Yeah, did u get the call from the school,?" "I did, and?" "Sooo we need to make arrangements to pick up" "No I'll meet you a block from the venue and we will ride up together so no one is suspicious." "Why can't I pick u up" "You seriously need to ask me that question, move out my damn way." You put the car in drive and pulled off unnecessarily hard. He jumped back just in time before you ran over his toes. The night of the ceremony You spent all day with your stylist and glam squad aka your sister and boy cousin and they primped and prepped for tonight evening. You settled on a rose gold evening gown with diamond accessories. Once done you looked like an Aphrodite herself. You had an Uber XL bring you to the designated spot you and Erik agreed upon. Erik was leaning against the car looking up and down the street apprehensively waiting on your vehicle. Once the driver pulled up he open your car door and you stepped out. Erik's jaw dropped as you walked towards him. He was looking extra delicious in his black tux and gold accessories. His gold slugs gleamed at you when his smiled and held out his arms awaited a hug. You hesitated but he wasn't having that as he pulled you in a tight bear hug. You almost melted being in those strong arms and he had the nerve to wear your favorite cologne you bought him. He was making it damn near making possible to have an orgasm off sight and smell alone. His hands were dangerously close to your ass as you pulled away. Any fondling and you would just have to have him. "Erik we have to go" We have time, he said as he leaned in closer to kiss your neck "Uh huh I ain't here for all of that." Girl bring your sexy ass here, grabbing ur waist, we need to get in character. Finally kissing his way on your neck and earlobe. You were minutes from giving in. "Erik", you whispered "Yea baby", he answered as his hands were creeping under ur skirt. If he went any further it would have been game over. "If you don't get your fucking hands from under my skirt, I swear your eyes gonna match your outfit." And with that, you pushed him away. He sucked his teeth, knowing u want it just trying to fight but let you win this round. He Chuckled and said "okay princess off to the ball" holding the car door open. You glared at him for his little smart ass comment as you climb in the vehicle. He still managed to slap your ass HARD. One pulling up to the venue, the site was immaculate, you couldn't wait to get out the car. You almost felt intoxicated breathing the same air as Erik. You needed a drink fast. As you stepped people were calling you to take pics, you felt like a star because this was your nite, well yours and Erik. Y'all pose for several pictures but looking like the happiest couple in the world. If they only knew. Inside were pictures of you two at various points of your humanitarian work. Pictures of y'all with kids from Sudan, Nigeria, South Africa you working alongside women making dinner, pics of Erik building with hospitals and schools with the locals. Relief efforts after earthquakes and flooding both of y'all dirty from hard work but happier as ever. You almost felt nostalgic about how good you felt working and those happy faces of the people you help and the long steamy showers with Erik after a days work. It was too much emotion at once and you couldn't get to the open bar faster. As you made your way to the open bar Erik followed you like a hawk. “What would you like to drink ma'am?” “I'll have a whiskey.” “She will have apple cider” You looked at Erik with a fake smile. “Oh, honey, you are sweet but I got this”, adding venom in your voice. “I'm sure you do buttercup, just pace your self”, also adding base in his voice. The bartender looked confused feeling the conversation was deeper than face value. " I'll have a red wine please" Erik glared at you. "What doctors recommend at least one cup of red wine a day." Someone tapped you on your shoulder and turned to see a group of students that wanted to congratulate you personally. Among the crowd was Davida standing there looking bashful. You saw her and you attitude immediately went sour. Erik look shocked and nervous as he to was surprised she was here. He told her about but didn't think she would show up. You downed your first drink fast. "What the fuck are you doing here?", you whisper angrily. "Look Y/N, I didn't come here to fight or cause drama, I want to make amends with you and whether you like it not we're gonna be family." You stood in silence looking at her like she done lost her damn mind. Erik started to say something but you interrupted him you looked at her stepped closer so she can hear you. "I am not Erik so you can't-fool me. I know that baby is not his and your just looking for a meal ticket, if that's how you eat then fine but I'd be damn you ain't eating off MY plate." And you walked off leaving Erik confused about the conversation and Davida dumbfounded. The ceremony went lovely, you had just the kick in the ass you need to focus on the event and not think boning your sexy yet unfaithful husband. When it was time for you and Erik to accept your awards he spoke first. You kind of zoned out until he mentioned of opening a center for women's empowerment in your name. You were shocked to say the least and was speechless. Everyone clapped and cheered whispering amongst themselves. " Wow, such a beautiful couple. " Oh wish I had a marriage like that" Sadly the only ones who weren't fooled by the hype didn't clapped which was you, Erik, and Davida. You stepped outside to get some fresh air as took a sip of your drink a deep voice stirred you out your thoughts. You look to the sound and almost choked on your drink, It was your old mentor from grad school Ellis Watts. He was 6 years older and you guys had a hot sex fling for while Erik was back home and you were away at school. After all these years he still looked good. “OMG, what are you doing here?” “Well, I was in town and heard you were being honored so here I am.” Y'all embrace for what seemed longer than needed. You realized lots of people was around so you decided to go to this secluded spot in the gazebo in the backyard. "I'm so glad you came to support me, I figured we left things kinda weird." "Well I know you were just homesick and missing your boyfriend. But we did have some great times together., He sighed you it was hard to let you go, I thought about almost every day" "Hmm imagined if I didn't leave, where could we have been." "Are you having some kind of doubts about your marriage, are you happy?" You didn't answer as you tried to fight back tears. You wept silently as Ellis hugged you and let you cry. He rubbed your back to soothe you. You looked up at him as he was at least 5 inches taller than and pecked his lips as a thank you,  the kiss got more intense as your arms moved to around his neck. The kiss ended abruptly when you heard a pounding thud and you open your eyes quick enough to see Ellis on the ground holding his jaw. Confused you see Erik in complete rage. He gave Ellis no time to recover as he pounces on him punching him in the face. Somehow Ellis overturned Erik and both were giving and taking blows. STOP IT, PLEASE STOP ERIK GET OFF HIM! you yelled. Erik stopped and look at you. Leave Erik! I'm not going nowhere until you come with me! You noticed a crowd was drawing and assume the cops were next. Fine just go I'll follow. He quickly left and you pulled some napkins out of your purse. I'm so sorry about that, you said as you cleaned Ellis's lips. That's fine really if I'd have you as my wife I'd be fighting anyone who looks your way. You laughed to yourself and finished cleaning him. Y/N!!!!! you heard Erik yell. "You better go, I'll take it from here." "Okay here's my card call me ok" You left just as quick to catch up with Erik. Both got into the car y'all came in and left. "Driver our house" "You mean your place, I don't live there anymore." "STFU, and why the fuck was you kissing on that nigga?" "You seriously asking me that while your baby mama pregnant AF at our event." "That's beside the point though, no knows the issue with her however you kissing another nigga who ain't your husband's at an event for us!" He had point but fuck him "Fuck u Erik I ain't gotta explain shit!" The rest of the drive was silent. Once the car pulled up, you quickly hopped out and stormed towards the door. Erik was right behind with you with the keys. When he opened the door, you started for the stairs but Erik grabbed your arm and swung you back to him and pinned you to the wall. He was still pissed. "So you fucking that nigga?" "Fuck u, Erik" "I'm not asking you again!" "Unlike the piece of shit, you are I don't have to fuck every dick that walks by." "That's cause you know that my pussy and can't no nigga fuck you like I can. How long as it been a month maybe two I know that pussy is wet AF right now begging to eaten and fuck properly.” You just turned your head cause he was absolutely right. Then he went for the kill sucking on your earlobe as his hands went under your dress. "Just as I thought", he picked you and found a better way to release his emotions. The next morning The sunlight plus the urge to pee woke you up. Erik has arm tightly around your ribcage keeping you snugly against him. You look down and you were completely naked. You subtle movement woke up the sleeping beast behind you "Where you going?" "I have to pee" "Mhmm well come back" He moved his arms like granted access. After you did your thing you looked in the mirror while you washed your hands. You noticed the passion marks and slight bruises over your neck and chest. Last night was everything you needed and more but you couldn't continue this cycle.  You needed to leave. You snuck out the bathroom and went towards the dresser, you quietly got some casual clothes and almost melted how neat your drawers were. You kept your clothes in a certain way while Erik just threw his in the drawer. The fact he took the time to fix it how you like making you all warm and fuzzy inside. But damn that! You gather some more clothes shut the drawer quietly. The sound you heard almost made your heart stopped. “Where you going” “Huh” “I said where are you going, getting out of bed walking towards you.”

You looked like a deer in headlights didn't know your next move. “We're you leaving me?” “I can't stay here Erik” “Who said you can't your my wife this is your house.” He was getting loud almost frightening. He snatched the clothes out of hands and threw them across the room. "Oh you were gonna leave me and go with that nigga wasn't you. After I gave you something special something near and dear you gonna fuck a nigga and leave you got me FUCKED UP" he grabbed a glass vase of flowers and threw them across the room. You watched the water and flowers go everywhere but you couldn't let him intimidate you. "Oh save your bullshit Erik, we both know you bought that center out of guilt. And as much as you have been fucking around you should have no reason to question what I do." You stormed towards the door finding your courage but he blocked the door and got on his knees. He wrapped his arms around your waist. Okay, baby, I'm sorry. You're right, I'm trying to do better, I'd want to make this right. Please stay." His sniffing made your heart broke and you just wanted to lay in bed and cuddle and forget this ever happen. But it did and these are the consequences. "The only reason you want to make this right is that you got her pregnant. Now I looked past the other times but you are making a fool of me. And I can't be here for that now move I need to go." Erik stood up but his demeanor was deadly. "Fine you wanna take your ass to him then go." He reached behind him and locked both doors. "But you gotta find another way to leave other than this front door" "What negro move" Erik's was stiff as a boulder. He instead grabbed your arm and led you towards the balcony. Your first thought was he gonna throw you over so you kicked and screamed making it difficult. He pushed you on the balcony and locked the sliding glass door leaving you out by yourself. Erik, Erik open this damn door! You banged but to no avail, he didn't answer. He climbed back in bed and turned the TV up loud to drown you out. Frustrated you stop knocking and looked for a solution. You looked over and saw the pool, if you jumped you could make it, since you're on the third floor the deep end would have to be your target. But you wasn't much of a swimmer. You had no other option. And hitting the ground wasn't one of them.  You looked behind you and Erik was facing you but looked at tv. You climbed over holding on the balcony as you made your jump. All Erik saw was your red shirt floating past the balcony rails. "I know this bitch didn't!" He ran downstairs as he saw your body enter the water in a weird way. Since you didn't bob back up he knew something was wrong and the blue liquid was starting to turn red. Oh, shit y/n! He yelled once he got to the patio. He dove in and retrieve your unconscious body. He gave you CPR as you weren't responding. "Come on baby breathe dammit" He blew one more time and pumped your chest until you spit up water. He was so happy he cradled your head in his arms and noticed the cut on your forehead. He carried you bridal style in the house as he went and got the first aid kit. You started to protest but he wasn’t having it. He just took care of cleaning you and laid in bed as the painkillers took effect. He didn't want it to happen this way but as far as you and he was concerned his wife was back.

@curls-and-crosses @killmoncoochie @killmongersgurl @pupyluv247 @kreolemami @dumbchick @thiccdaddy-mbaku @wakandan-aesthetic @errin261 @lunaerly @muse-of-mbaku @royallyprincesslilly @brownsugarcocoabutterwildflowers  @nemesispawn @imgabbyrae @hausofgucci @inxan-ity@wakandalivesforever @killmvnger@whorderofthepheonix @goddessofthejungle @chaneajoyyy  

@imaginewhoever @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @bezzywazhere @wakanda-inspired

[seenashblog]

Nash Watches & Rates Cheesy Hallmark & Lifetime Winter Movies So You Don’t Have To

a.k.a. -  Nash Records Her Viewings Of Hallmark & Lifetime Winter Movies, which are fanfic in visual form & are gold. And yes, it’s a apparently a legit sub-genre. Best I can tell, if it’s not Christmas or Valentines, and there’s snow, then it goes. Spoilers abound.)

Note: This adventure has been moved to here from my main blog @seenashwrite, so my SPN peeps can rest assured they’ll not be exposed to this any longer - I have a feeling I’ll not be done purging my soul for a while yet #bless my heart

As per last time during the Christmas round-ups, 4 and 5 stars mean the best of the lot, 3 stars means it’s not necessarily a waste of your time, 2 stars is up to your discretion, and 1 star means it is time you will never get back.

Winter's Dream (Kristy Hot Damn Swanson, Dean Mothafukkin' Cain - Hallmark)

With it packing this level of stardom, how can it go wrong? Understand that I can take or leave Dean Cain, but Kristy Swanson is the shit. 

The official summary/another summary from somewhere:

When a former ski champion re-enters the competitive world after a 16-year-old downhill racer asks for help, she finds a new love and reawakens an old passion.

Former pro skier, Kat, is asked to coach a younger skier, named Anna, and finds love with the girl's widowed father, Ty.

These are both kinda garbage summaries - I mean, they're accurate, but it doesn't paint the whole picture. There's nothing really to spoil, and though it hits a couple things on a winter bingo (still forthcoming), they're more the Hallmark staples, such as the kid (in this case, a really great teen gal who's a good actress) who brings people together, and that the lodge/the resort is in danger of being lost, and somebody teaches somebody else how to skate, and that shit, but the bottom line is it's a fine watch. It's not spectacular, but it's not dipped in cheese, and there's some really pretty shots of the skiing (especially something they do at the end), plus kudos for the body doubles (the ones doing the actual skiing) were spot-on, and the teen actress did an impressive end-of-run stop at one point, you know it's her because she immediately whips off her mask.

Bottom line, this movie woulda been ass if not for Swanson and Cain, who didn't have greeeeat chemistry, though they made it work. In any event, the script was solid - like I say, not a great deal of cheese and any lines that were aren't sticking out to me because they were delivered so well - so I'm actually gonna rate this one decently high.

4/5 stars

.

Love on the Sidelines (this dude who's been in three movies I've seen so far, John Reardon, and some basic blonde chick who is vaguely familiar - Hallmark)

This isn’t technically a winter one, I don’t think, but it’s on, so it counts.

So they try to throw you from the get-go with "Is injured dude gonna be the love interest which is totally inappropriate since he's her boss and clearly got about 12 years on her and has made multiple patronizing comments to her, about how physically strong she is and about her classic car and about her abilities in general, or is it the other dude on the team who took an immediate interest in her and has thus far been polite and respectful and friendly and flirty?"

(By the way, main dude has cock-blocked his friend, but he has a model girlfriend [who is styled to be a stereotype from extensions to heels] and it's also shown he has no idea about stuff she likes/is into, such as her favorite flowers - but chick knew because she had 'em out for their romantic dinner. That's right, it's part of her assistant duties - and she's supposed to be helping him with activities of daily living stuff - is to prep his bone zones.)

If they make dude #2 turn out to be a douche and that main dude is somehow awesome underneath all his shit----- what am I saying, of course they are. The latter, that is. You know I'm right. Hundred percent.

People are like losing their chickens over this jersey she's tailored to be a "girl fit" - you know what I mean, it's not a box with sleeves, there's tailoring to it, so the sleeves aren't so ginormous and it's tapered on the sides. This jersey's been the topic of about three interactions thus far and we're only 40 minutes (so 30 mins airtime) in. They're all "Wow!" and "This is so creative!" and "My wife would love that, where'd you get it!"  Y'all, google for this, that type of jersey, I mean. [pause] Nevermind, here:

I put in the mystical combo of "women's NFL football jersey".

THIS IS REVOLUTIONARY

Hey, and heh-heh.... quick bonus....

WHYENNE!!!! THAT BITCH IS EVERYWHERE

But hey, how else would we know that fashion design is her passion? Scriptin' be hard, yo. Speaking of her clothes skillz - "I think there's more to him," she says to BFF, whose wedding dress she's fitting. First, *eyeroll*. Second, if your friend is trying to watch a football game and learn the basics, don't let them fit you for your farging wedding at the same time. Which is what is happening.

There's twinkly magical music when his hand runs over hers when they're both searching under the couch, feeling around for his dropped cell phone.

*more eyeroll*

I do like the car, it's a red Mustang.... early 70s, maybe?.... but I can say I don't care for the shade of red, it's a little too cherry popsicle or hooker scarlet lipstick.

(My dream car is probs a Mustang muscle in black, but as far as zoom-zooms go, I tell ya, a friend of mine had a Porsche Boxster, and What. A. Ride., and he'd offered to teach me how to drive stick on it - not a euphemism, I swear, I was 16, my dad was his mentor, he's like the child my father never had - I'M A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT OKAY - so like my big brother, and anyhow, it was so beautiful I gasped at the very thought. But sweet babby jeebus, those suckers are smooth rides. None of this matters.)

Anyway, she keeps having trouble starting it, and I can tell by the sound it isn't the alternator, nor is it the battery, nor is it a belt, nor is she flooding the engine. I know fuck-all about cars as a general rule, but I know those sounds because I've experienced all of them. It has now gone to commercial, as he's just looked under the hood and announced after 3.8 seconds "Yup, I think I see your problem."  He must have x-ray vision. I am on pins-and-needles, shivering with anticipation.

Back from commercial, he's shutting the hood and she's saying "Wow you did it!" and wiping grease from his face. He's got an absolutely wrecked calf/ankle/foot (and straight up, they've done a good job making it all seem legit, props to... well, props... and make-up), but you're telling me he was standing and bent over long enough to get all greasy, and he's supposed to be - most of the time - either sitting or standing with that bitch elevated. This was stupid. This was a stupid, wholly unnecessary scene. Oh except we find out - because it's visible in the back seat - that she's read his children's book.

That's right. He's written a children's book.

Dude's mom: "I think he's dating the wrong type of women". Subtle, screenwriters, subtle. Now he's sneaking and working out. I really hope they show his ankle buckling out at a wicked angle. I'm gross like that. Twinkly music plays as she waits for him in the locker room while he's in with the sports trainer because he shouldn't have been working out.

Forgot to mention there's an awesome dog, this really beautiful Dane, and of course it loves her and hates Stereotype, because reasons for him to go ga-ga. She's honestly not bad, I have zero issue with the actress, nor with this actor, they're actually both good, but between the music and this script, I'm fighting over what rating to give it. (Checks clock) Welp, the next 45 minutes should tell me. It's dragging ass, I'll tell you that, though.

Like, nothing's happened. Nothing. He has an injury, she's his new personal assistant. I can list traits they each have. I've seen groups of moments. I don't know what the story is. Is it just "they get closer and fall in lurve"? That's... not a story. That's a series of facts. People meet their partners/spouses via the workplace all the time. What's the plot? What's the conflict? The obstacles? The tension? The OOMPH, I'd call it, is missing. This is what kills me about most fanfic - they just tell me stuff, they aren't showing me a new perspective or a twist or a unique take or differing interpretation that's still supported by canon, or an inventive plot that or what-the-hell-ever. Dean and Whyenne were in the bunker and they researched and they cooked and they talked about Cas and Sam, and they argued about her going on a hunt, then they kissed, the end! That's not a story, that's a daydream. I've digressed.

Now he's texted her "the emergency code" while she's at her best friend's wedding, and turns out it's because he's cranky because his sister said he's got to learn how to not be the center of attention. And she - I am proud to say - lets. Him. Have. It.  Part of what she says is - Can you do *anything* for yourself?!  And he goes - This!  And he kisses her, and it takes her off guard, but then they go for it, and I am actually happy for them.

Shit. I still hate that this isn't a story, but holy hell the difference when some conflict is introduced. Ahhhhhmazeballs. Conflict, however minor, is what shows us who these people we're watching/reading really are - and no, conflict does not mean angst, nor does it mean some sort of heart-breaking, can't-take-it-back fight, nor does it mean life-and-death, just divergent paths or opinions is all it takes. I've digressed again.

My interest is piqued because we have a half-hour to go, and typically this is how Hallmark blows their wad in the last fifteen.

[time passes]

Okay, a couple things turned out decent. Y'all will *love* what the best friend pulls at the end, and she and her hubby have been great throughout, but this one particular thing was clutch. And everybody had chemistry, family and friends and romance alike. It just can't help the lack of story, and I really detest the manner in which they made lead dude a jerk - there's other ways to do that besides going the lazy route, a.k.a. being sexist. It's not as bad as a two (a.k.a. - this is a matter of taste), because there's some objectively good stuff.... on the other hand, my lord is dragged. So I'm going with a three, because it's a toss-up as to whether you're gonna really like it, or think "Meh".

3/5 Stars

.

One Winter Weekend / One Winter Proposal (Taylor Cole, some other people - Hallmark)

So the former was in last year's winter line-up, the latter in this one. Taylor Cole played Sarah Blake on SPN. I see she's also on deck for some detective thing on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries.

And.... that's all I got to say about that.

I genuinely tried to watch these. They played them back-to-back, and speaking of backs, mine was acting up so I was laid out, and I thought - all right, this'll kill some time. And I fell asleep at 6 p.m., y'all. I took ibuprofen, I was not getting liquored up, I slept plenty the night before, and I fell the fuck to sleep. These movies are boring as fuck. 

I saw no sparks, and there were two couples from which to divine said spark. The co-lead chick was incredibly annoying, she plays everything too perky, and it's really evident in scenes with her romantic interest, who is a good actor and came off completely naturally. Actually, he should've been the main-main male lead, I bet he'd have had great chemistry with Cole, who's a better actor than the dude they had her paired with, but I say all that to say, the script was... meh. The pacing of both movies was weird, and the conflicts that were in them (see above for discussion on what conflict in stories actually is) were nothingburgers. It was stupid. Don't waste your time, seriously.

1/5 stars

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We interject for a non-review that needs to be mentioned. Oh, Lifetime. Holy shitsnacks.

Double Mommy (I... I don't know... people... - Lifetime)

This is the synopsis:

Ryan discovers his friend Bryce is the father of one of his girlfriend's twin babies and that he date raped her at a party over the summer. With college looming over Bryce's head, he will stop at nothing to make sure that he clears his name.

Because the guys' feelz are what's important, here.

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The Birthday Wish (Jessy Schram, who only acts one way and that is coked-up squirrel with blonde barrel curls - Hallmark)

This is the official summary, and it should let you know how pleased I was to watch this:

On her birthday, a woman who desperately wants her boyfriend to propose to her wishes for the opportunity to see into the future, with surprising results.

'Cause I love seeing "desperate" and "woman" in the same sentence about my main character! This was precisely what you think based on the summary - though I will say Schram doesn't play it "desperate" so that was kind've a weird word for them to use - she somehow has these premonitions (it's never explained) and the boyfriend's a dick and she ends up with her co-worker who's a great guy. The end.

1/5 stars

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Once Upon A Prince (Megan Park, who is familiar though I don't know how, and a quite charming British fellow who isn't really, he's actually from Canada by way of New York but sounds really damn convincing - Hallmark)

Also unsure this is “winter”, but it’s worth talking about. Seriously. Still, let's get the shite - and it's minor! - out of the way.

First complaint: they blew their wad in the title. Not that we don't get the scoop fairly quickly, but... welp, no we don't, the beans aren't spilled for a while - they *easily* could've skirted it, and they HAVE, it's very nicely and smoothly done, I mean, you can divine it but it's not plot anvil'd, his situation unfolds gradually across the first act, which is so refreshing. Whoever titled it was the screw-up. I'm looking at you, Hallmark execs. All their titles spoil.

Second complaint... despite the adept nature they handled main dude's backstory, there's a really bad clunker of an anvil in that first bit - we know exactly how he's gonna propose to her in the end because they shoe-horned in really abrupt and almost non-sequitur dialogue for her wherein she tells him her dream proposal not terribly long after meeting him. It was weird and awkward. I mean, the fuck. I get she was still rattled as her longtime boyfriend with whom she had both business and personal futures planned out breaking up with her in the prior scene(s), but shit. They do recover a bit by having our dude - and damn, I love him, I genuinely do - comment something to the effect of "Well oftentimes it's easier to tell a stranger things we can't tell the ones to whom we're close". My point is, they knew it was a dog of a line, but I thought of three options to get the topic out there over the course of them getting to know each other just while I’ve sat here typing this recap - hell, they revisit the damn location later, when they are friends vs. strangers! It was bad writing.

Third complaint... y'all know by now: I hate the fake made-up countries. And this one is (wait for it) Cambria. Google Cambria. Go ahead. I'll wait. [pause] Nevermind, I'll just tell you, and this isn't because I have some bizarre encyclopedic knowledge of the way-back-when in Jolly Ol', it's because - well - I'm a reformed dinosaur nerd, and that overlaps with having an understanding of geology, because fossils. There, I said it. There were charts and sketches and stuff of the various periods of dino development from National Geographics on bedroom walls. I had it bad. For the record, I loved the book Jurassic Park, and the first movie was great, and the rest are good for laughs. The last two are good for mocking. I probably would've been a paleontologist, except for when my Christian father, who at the time  I thought was the smartest man in the world (and he is objectively intelligent in many ways) told me God put the dinosaurs in the earth, that there's no way the earth is as old as science proves. (I say proves, he said claims.) 'Cause, y'know, an almighty being is totes into pranks. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Funsies. I've digressed.

The quick-and-dirty is that the Cambrian is the geologic period that's from around 550 million years ago. (Okay this part I'll look up, because I'm so nerdy.... yup, I see it's 542-488 mil.) Anyhow, the dude that coined the name found the goods, the exemplars that proved this stage in earth history/backed up earth's age in Wales. And the area now known as Wales used to be called Cambria a way long time ago. Not millions time ago, of course. Trilobites and whatever can't speak... THAT WE KNOW OF. So I don't know if somebody was just like "Oh, that sounds like it could be a country" or somebody was being cute, thinking Cambria wasn't real, like it was something akin to Camelot, I've no idea. Who cares, it's stupid.

However.

Guys.... y'all.... my peeps.... um.... this'n is a keeper, so I'm not going to break it down and spoil it. It is very much worth watching, if you're into these types of movies, because it differs in a huge, very positive manner. Here's why this movie is above average for Hellmark: there's legitimate conflict (see above, re: what that means), and - most importantly - they are friends. They are buddies. They genuinely like each other. This isn't just about romantic love, this is about two people who care about what happens to each other. They care that the other person is living a life in  which they are happy.

There's also some realism here, not because it's an identical situation (it is not, trust) but in the broad strokes, I think of the Prince Harry-Meghan Markle situation. Middleton is uppercrust Brit stock, if memory serves (I'm not looking it up) with some sort of pseudo-distant-whatever royal line connection. She was gold for William, she's a good option for a queen (I mean, I'm sure there's duchesses out there, but that ain't who Wills loved). Now, Markle? So far from what would be called uppercrust. So, so very far. And yeah, yeah, I get that it's not as big a deal since he's not direct but more adjacent in line to the throne, but c'mon. It was a big deal. And you know all the ways why, I won't go through them here. My dude broke about a bazillion years' worth of tradition, and good on him.

And at the end of the day, that's what this movie is about - making your own way, creating your own traditions, adapting the old traditions, having confidence to do the things you're good at, the things you believe you're meant to do, and doing them the way you think is best. Is this a deep movie? No, it's fucking Hallmark, haven't you been paying attention? You think they let us escape without a super-rushed, wrap-it-up-in-the-last-five-minutes ending? You know better. I'll tell you this, though - it may not be deep, but it ain't shallow. And it's the best royal movie we've had so far, despite the too much haste with information-giving in the beginning and with the title and, as you'll find out, a really bleh last line... and of course with him being king of Fossilville. (I'm not letting that go.)

You're going to love him, he's a doll and classy and darling the entire time. You're going to love her, she's self-assured and fun and mature and hard-working. And you're really going to love John the valet. We find ourselves at ratings time and, somewhat shockingly:

5/5 stars

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Past entries below

Winter Castle (people you’ve never heard of - Hallmark)

Holy shit, cliché on parade and nobody can act?! Jack-friggin’-pot. Zero chemistry amongst anyone, from family to friendship to romance?! Hot damn.

So they’re all at this place for a destination wedding (a.k.a, Selfish And Life-Disrupting And Huge Expense For Guests Thing And Oh Here’s Our Registry Too, come at me brah), and everyone is staying in a hotel. HA! KIDDING! They’re all in this giant faux igloo, and by “faux” I mean there are these church-esque doors in what is, I guess, a specially-flown-in iceberg on land. Google tells me it’s an actual place.

Anyway, through the doors you’ll find hallways (that have people carved into them, not creepy at all) which are lined with rooms. Suites? I never saw a bathroom door, doesn’t damn matter, nobody poos in Hallmark’s world. Oh, also, for lighting, we have Target pillar candles, then everything’s backlit in ‘80s neon:

Are they shitting me?

But that’s beside the point. Point is, it may be pretty to look at but in execution, it’s stupid. No way people haven’t had to peace out and find a new joint to stay in because of near or actual hypothermia. Based on the warm, cozy, wood-floored, windowed, staircase-and-balcony-having rehearsal dinner area in a large building with stone wall exterior, this hotel actually has some, y'know, hotel to it. Lodge? Who cares, but I bring it up because of the standard precocious child who is there to bring everybody together whilst turning into a popsicle.

The poor kid is bundled within an inch of her life, dumb bunny-eared toboggan to puffy jacket, and is burrito’d in a sleeping bag, with a quilt on this bed that looks to be carved out of ice, as well, and I say “as well” because our leading lady is shown frequently perched on what looks to be a chair carved out of ice (fur puffy thing for ass protection) with her laptop on a table carved out of ice when she’s face-timing her Not Gay Male Best Friend in a bow-tie and sweater vest back home, and - bonus! - he doubles as The One Person Of Color. Now, if memory serves, legit igloos made by actual First Nation(s) folks (meaning both Canadian and American - specifically, Alaskan - and probs any groups that found themselves in the way-way-North in the way-back-when and had to come up with this genius or, you know, die) are actually pretty damn warm once the fire gets cranking. Not to say you don’t keep some fierce socks and gloves on, that’s plain smart, but enclosed space with heat is enclosed space with heat - just don’t lick the walls. That’s good advice, igloo or otherwise.

On that topic, via the article linked above, says one of the actresses:

“It’s like an igloo,” Mullen told the Standard. “The further you go into the hotel, it gets colder and colder. As you walk down the hallway into the different rooms, it’s just getting into your bones.” She said every time they called “Cut!,” everyone would put on jackets to warm up.

She’s incorrect - that’s not like an igloo. It’s too big, that’s why it doesn’t stay warm. I have *zero* desire to go to this place. That sounds like Dante’s Frosty The Snowman circle of hell. I digress.

I say all that to say, this movie is straight dumb because the script is basic bitch, they were leaning on the location and hard. It gets a star because they tried in the sense that they did use a unique setting, but the rest was neglected (the story and the casting). Everything else was so blaaaaaand, and the acting was so stilted and unnatural, and they cast the mother with someone who looks the exact same age as the lead gal/her sister (the bride), and then there’s this one chick character who was so pathetically desperate, and the leading man was such a pussy who wouldn’t make a fucking decision, and they had our leading lady be all *sniffle* and tolerating that shit AND SHE JUST MET HIM BY THE WAY, and I just…. ugh.

1/5 stars

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Royal Matchmaker (Bethany Joy Lenz - Hallmark)

This isn’t an “official” Winter '19 jam, google tells me it’s from the '18 spring movies, but everybody’s bundled up, so I’m calling bullshit. It ain’t half-bad, despite the fact that it’s a “royal” one, who’d-a-thunk? There was one over Christmas that got a 4 (see link up top), and I never would’ve predicted it. But that was an oldie-goldie, this is now. This one has the traditional royal romance beats and, no shit, the sidekick is the same one from another “royal”, the absolutely horrid “Christmas At The Palace”, from Christmas ‘18. I cannot reiterate how bad that movie was - not ”My Christmas Love“ bad, but bad.

All right, so - she’s a matchmaker from NYC, which is at least a new take on what’s coming next - and you guessed it, a prince HAS to get married or some reason, even though it’s mentioned they are under a Parliamentary system and not a monarchy, but he still has to because it’s the 17th century, oh wait no it’s not. The king, who is from a random made-up locale (*sigh*) has hired her (and said partner) to find a suitable wife for his son, who’s presented as the typical eligible rich bachelor, and “presented as” is the key phrase. It’s one of the things I like about this plot, but it doesn’t outweigh the bleeeccchhh.

For one, it wears me out, the making-up of countries. It’s distracting. If you’re gonna do royalty, the right move is to have the royal not be a king/prince but make it a duke/duchess jam, refer to the locale vaguely as a duchy in England or Ireland or Scotland or Sweden or Norway or whatever Americans will fall for, 'cause as a rule, Americans aren’t typically hip to other countries’ jams. Hell, say someone is a prince/princess, but it’s more in inherited title only - that’s what the 4 from the Christmas list did right. Nobody called him “Prince Whatever”, he wasn’t presented as this hot commodity, it was a nothing burger, we didn’t even find out that he had the title til near the end of the movie. I’ve digressed, back to this flick.

I detest the royal garb they’ve got lead dude in at the conclusion, it looks like you or I waltzed into Party City and slapped down $30 and walked back to the set. It’s ill-tailored and in too-bright colors and is, again, something utterly distracting that could’ve been avoided, and same with the king’s, too-small jacket to too-long length of slacks. All the women, including our main gal, are in prom dresses straight off the rack from Sears and J.C. Penney’s. This is not praise. The men are all in identical rented tuxedos with clip bow-ties. Thanks, I hate it.

I mean, and I hate that there’s a ball at the end at all, but it goes hand-in-hand with the core premise, which is that they’re on a tight schedule - ol’ Bethany has 4 weeks. They, of course, fall in love with one another, and props to casting because these two look good together and have decent chemistry, but that could be because Lenz knocks these movies out of the park - this is the third… maybe the fourth… that I’ve seen with her - she elevates everything she’s in. When I mentioned her to a friend, I was told she also elevated some shitty TV show that I never watched, so perhaps you are already familiar with her.

Anyhow, once again there’s too much filler and the ending draaaaaaags and then BOOM it’s done in the last three minutes, which is standard for these movies (both Lifetime and Hallmark), I’d say, about 95% of the time. The story was good in that the prince wasn’t a typical playboy and he kept his philanthropic side a secret because he didn’t want press invading these small villages and whatever he was helping rebuild - he genuinely likes getting his hands dirty and he actually knows how to do shit, he fixes a radiator at a community center at one point. Eh. I dunno. It had such potential in the front half, then just shit the bed in the back half, so it was half of a waste of my time. But you may dig it. It’s far from the worst of Hallmark’s offerings but, again, I think it’s because of Lenz, she’s the only thing getting it up from a 1/5.

2/5 stars

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Oh… oh mah… what the… we interrupt the winter fare for what looks like a rando that’s snuck in and christ on a cracker, no. No. No. NO. The summary:

A woman begins an online relationship with a famous photographer, not realizing that she is actually communicating with the man’s young son.

This caught my ear because as I was sitting here writing up the last movie, it came on, and I hear this woman’s voice, her typing (so it’s her voice in her mind), then a man’s voice (as she’s reading), and I looked up when the man’s voice started switching to a kid’s (boy’s) voice back and forth every sentence or so - and then I looked at that summary, and….

NO

"Chance at Romance”, it’s called –> 0/5 stars, I don’t even need to watch it, what a stupid garbage fucking premise, and it’s gross, and I hope that shit kid gets punished, like as in, no computer til he’s old enough to own his own home and pay for his own internet, because scumbag kid. If he has the balls to pull this catfishing shitstorm on a fucking adult and gets away with it, what the fuck will he do to manipulate girls his own age? Gross. IT’S A GROSS PREMISE YOU GREETING CARD FUCKTARDS

.

Love On Ice (Andrew Walker, who’s in every fourth movie, and  the lead chick’s familiar her name is Julie Berman - Hallmark)

Former pro skater, now teaching - don’t worry, it’s not the aforementioned “Christmas At The Palace”, despite the similar M.O. - and decides to go for one last run at regionals because the new coach in town who’s teaching the next big thing is like “You used to be the next big thing, why don’t you undo eight years of not training aggressively in, like, a couple weeks and compete against the girl I’ve been hired to make a winner, and I’ll coach you both, because I have a boner for you and your shitty blonde extensions! No, that’s not what he says, but that’s the deal, yo. The next-big-thing’s got an overbearing mother and, once his boner gets found out, here comes a new coach that used to be the former-next-big-thing’s coach, and she’s a horrible actress, she can’t play sneaky-evil to save her life. I liked the two leads, and they did a better job than the other ice skating scenes/movies with concealing the real skater actors, but overall this was as boring as watching paint dry, I just wanted it to be over.

1/5 stars

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The Perfect Catch (Nikki DeLoach and… shock of all shocks, no not really… our old buddy, Andrew Walker - Hallmark)

I swear, I don’t know if Andrew Walker is on some mission from god, or being punished by him. I’m in the same boat, so I empathize. At least I’m not contracted. I can’t speak for him, but I remain happy for DHJ, that he’s escaped this purgatory, and is safe on the shore… at least, at present.

In any event, this one doesn’t seem like a "Winter official”, but there were jackets and no definite spring or fall standards (pastels or orange leaves), and it’s airing now, so here we are. It seems to be baseball season, so I know they mean for it to be spring, but they are wearing coat-coats, not it’s-still-kinda-chilly light jackets. I don’t fucking care, I watched it, so I’m reporting on it.

It ticks many boxes on the Winter Fanfic Bingo card (forthcoming), specifically the ones that are carryovers from Christmas and will be carried over to all the Hallmark/Lifetime movies regardless of time of year. Because being formulaic, when playing the long game, is cheap and efficient, and in the restaurant business, or products made on a factory line, or in healthcare standards, things of that ilk, you want streamlined coupled with the trieds-and-trues. In writing? Not-so-much. It’s lazy.

And speaking of restaurants, that’s the first box that got ticked - our leading lady owns a restaurant and, next box, it’s in danger of being lost. Other boxes include: our leading man is famous; he’s the character that comes back home, leaves/might leave, then changes mine/comes back, and it’s to stay!; adorable child who ideally will bring everyone together; a character’s parents are dead. Blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blaaaaah-blah-bleh. <—- that had more variety than this flick. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with this movie. It’s vanilla. It’s white bread. It’s mashed potatoes with no salt or a touch of sour cream mixed in, no loading with shredded sharp cheese and crumbled brown sugar-and-cracked-pepper bacon and the barest touch of chives. I’m hungry, shut up.

It doesn’t just get 1 star because it’s not bottom barrel - everyone’s competent in their acting, there’s nothing outlandishly stupid about the script, it’s not shellacked in Velveeta. I will say that they pull a little teensy, micro-twist with how they resolve his balancing a primo offer that in no way should he pass on career-wise fairly realistically. The very last scene is, of course, stupid and embarrassing.

2/5 stars

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The next movie has palm trees, so officially not Winter. But oof…. it’s got Kelly Rutherford and Cameron Mathison, both of whom are ringers. Hmmm. Yeah, I still ain’t subjecting myself to more than needed for this adventure. Oh, and they continue to play the basic-basic-BAAAAASIC-boring “Hope At Christmas” on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries", if you’re interested. It is a mystery to me as to why they continue to do so. Anyhow, there’s apparently 3 or 4 more brand spanking new offerings from Hallmark for the next several weeks.

More to come. I’ll reblog this with every new entry added to the top, so you can always just keep this post URL bookmarked if you think you missed it. Send an ask if you want to be tagged.

[minaminokyoko]

Venom: A Spoilertastic Review (that is mostly just a rant)

When the end credits to the Venom movie started, just as Eminem began his embarrassingly uninspired rapping, I turned my head to one of my two friends and asked her, "What the hell did I just put into my eyeballs?"

To be frank, Venom is one of the most peculiar, bizarre, baffling films I've seen in years.

I want to preface this review by saying I was against this idea when it was announced. I thought it was beyond idiotic to make a film about a supervillain whose entire creation hinges on a certain Webhead, and since Sony lent him out to Marvel Studios (the only smart fucking decision they've made in probably over a decade, imo), they went off half-cocked with the hair-brained idea that they could create an anti-hero solo flick for Venom instead. To some degree, sure, they were warranted because the general audience these days has low fucking standards and if you put the words "comic book movie" in front of them, they're usually going to lap it up no matter how terrible it is. After all, fandom doesn't care about things being accurate anymore, by this point, if you dangle fresh meat like Tom Hardy riding a motorcycle in front of them. As long as there's an attractive person at the helm, fandom will just adopt it as canon and ignore any red flags, as they have already done. That being said, I still think this is one of the most blatantly stupid things done for money and for notoriety from any studio toting around a popular comic book character.

Is Venom as bad as legendary awful comic book movies like Catwoman, The Spirit, Batman & Robin, Daredevil, Green Lantern, or Spawn?

Well, no.

And that's almost the only positive thing I can report about it, personally. 

In short, Venom is inept. That's the word I'd choose, aside from bizarre. It has no fucking clue what it's doing at any given time, from start to finish. It's too wacky to be serious, too serious to be a parody or satire, too mature for kids, too childish for adults, too mainstream for nerds, and too nerdy for mainstream. It's just a piping hot fucking mess.

So let's dive into why. Spoiler alert.

Overall Rating: D

Pros:

-Note: I am being very fucking generous by giving this movie points for anything at all, just so y'all know.

-It's not boring. Other comic book movies that have failed, whether it's the really bad kind or just the mediocre kind, have failed worse than this movie simply because at least there aren't any dead periods. Venom doesn't have awful pacing, even with its sloppy, uneven story. It moves along at a steady rate and you can never accuse it of being a borefest like Superman Returns or something. Even though most of it is incomprehensible from a story standpoint, it keeps your attention throughout.

-The doctor boyfriend surprisingly averted the usual stereotype/archetype for this kind of story. For example, in the first Ant Man, the cop boyfriend who is with Scott's baby mama is a smug, overprotective dickhead who later gets better. Most of the time when a main couple breaks up, the girl picks some douchebag who is either so much better than her former lover that it just feels insulting or it's just a one-dimensional asshole for us to hate so we want the two of them to get back together. Hell, doctor boyfriend was actually TOO nice and understanding and helpful. There is no way in hell I'd have stuck it out after seeing Eddie bite the head off a goddamn lobster. I'd have sent his ass to a mental hospital immediately, fuck the regular hospital. That being said, I like the movie averting the trope. It was a welcome change and was awfully refreshing too.

-Even though this is one of his strangest fucking performances to date, Tom Hardy is doing what he always does and gives 110% to a film that really doesn't even deserve him. I've already been hearing rumors that he's not pleased with the final product and that doesn't surprise me, but he does what he can with that awful script and I appreciate the effort. In fact, the only reason I sat through this turd is for Tom Hardy. He is a dedicated, talented actor and even when he's in tripe, he's still busting his beautiful ass to make the best of it anyway. I like him a lot and I'd go to bat for him any day, which is the only reason I coughed up the money for Venom when I knew damn well it'd be a trainwreck.

-The effects are at least decent. Not always. But Venom and the symbiotes actually feel as if they're really there and it's not just the actors staring at a ball on a stick. I appreciate it, since Sony goes in and out of quality regarding CGI.

-Despite the fucking travesty of a fake clown wig on his head, Woody Harrelson is an excellent choice for Cletus Kasady. Everyone knows that. I just hope they get him a better hairpiece next time, sheesh.

Cons:

-Jesus fucking Christ, where do I fucking start?

-Plotholes. This movie doesn't have plotholes--it has plot canyons. It's plothole Inception, for God's sake, with holes inside of fucking holes. It's so clear that the movie doesn't give a rat's ass about anything because there are some of the most ridiculous moments you're expected to swallow with the power of Willing Suspension of Disbelief. It's why it took me a whole two days to try and write a review/analysis of the film. There is so much wrong with it that I frankly wasn't sure where to start and how to process it all. The best I can try to do considering the overwhelming number of holes in the story is go chronologically. First off, Eddie stealing Blondie's confidential documents (Note: Michelle Williams' character was so bland and unimportant I can't remember her name and I don't care to look it up because we all know she doesn't matter, so she is now Blondie) but then not doing his actual job as a journalist when making wild accusations is the first monumentally dumb thing in the film. Why the hell did he go through the trouble of breaching her personal security and trust if all he was going to do was rant about it to the Bad Guy without proof? What did he think it would accomplish? Why would you just confront the guy instead of looking for more proof? Plus, you stole that information, which means it's inadmissable in court since it was obtained illegally, so you still wouldn't have a case anyhow. Any writer with half a brain cell would simply have it so that Eddie read the document, became curious, and started snooping around Life Foundation himself looking for hard evidence that would stand up in court to get justice for the victims. The way they did it in the film makes no sense, but it's because they wanted to bust up the couple and make Eddie a "loser" to kickstart the rest of the film. Then, the girl who tattled on the Life Foundation 100% did not need Eddie Brock to do that. She had full access to the lab and the trust of her superior. All she had to do was document everything herself, send it to Eddie to pass along to his boss, and then skip town with her fucking kids to avoid being murdered. Hell, she could have given it to the authorities anonymously. Third, why after everything went tits up in the lab did she fucking return to the lab as if they wouldn't immediately know it was her? She was seen outside the lab seconds before Eddie set off the alarms and her palm print is recorded having opened the door to the lab. Why the fuck did she go back after she let Eddie in there with no way to cover her tracks? And then she actually told on herself and Eddie, which led to her death. I can't comprehend that level of stupidity at all. It's staggering. Because I'm trying not to turn this into a seven-page single spaced review, I'm just going to stop here and not try to point out all the other plotholes in detail, like the fact that the cops only get involved one time and are never seen again despite the fact that they'd be all over the explosions and missing people associated with the Life Foundation or Eddie's phone working perfectly after he swam under the fucking bridge or Eddie leaving his phone for his boss instead of just sending him the goddamn pictures or the symbiote magically knowing where Eddie was after they took him from the hospital. We'll be here all day if I keep going. I'll just reblog CinemaSins' eventual video of this movie and feel satisfied that way.

-The movie makes zero attempts at explaining anything about the symbiotes except for "they're vulnerable to fire and sound frequencies, need a host to survive, and eat brains." What is even stranger about the lack of explanation is that this isn't a long film. They could have easily added about ten minutes into the story to give us an overview of where they came from, what their world was like, how they found human contact, and why they were on that comet. All we can do is infer things, which pisses me off because this is YOUR story and YOUR new continuity that you just fucking made up on the fly, so I don't know the rules here and it's shitty of you to just gloss over it all. Why is it called Venom? Is that a translation from whatever the hell the symbiote was called on its own planet? Did it hear that somewhere and decide it liked the word? Why? Why does it get touchy if you call it a parasite when that is literally what it is? Is it like Ratigan from The Great Mouse Detective and it's just in denial? We have to guess that it knows whatever Eddie knows, but why does it have any conceptual knowledge of romance and relationships when it attempts to get Eddie to apologize to Blondie or when it says it "likes" her? Or that Eddie "changed its mind" at the end? And how can a symbiote even be a loser? That concept is almost universally human and it's a giant sentient piece of fucking tar? How can it possibly be a loser on its own planet? There is just no damn context for majority of the shit surrounding the symbiotes in the movie and it's all the more frustrating since we spend a great deal of time in the lab with them during the movie and yet we learn almost nothing.

-Eddie and the symbiote don't actually form a proper bond or partnership. This is one of the things that's irritating me about people who seem to have taken to the movie. I was told multiple times by people that the movie is stupid, but the repartee between Eddie and Venom is enjoyable. Not really, no. Are there quips? Yes, there are quips. But quips do not inherently create a bond. Anyone can bounce dialogue off each other. If said dialogue does not change the characters, then it's just lip service. Sadly, though, a lot of people don't notice that absolutely nothing between Eddie and Venom lines up. Venom helps Eddie survive the attacks, but is killing him in the process. It's self-interest alone. The truly confounding part is when they get Venom off of Eddie and find out Venom has basically been consuming Eddie's organs to stay alive inside him, Eddie acts betrayed and storms off, but then when Venom returns wearing Blondie as his guise, he just accepts it and they go off to the badly filmed climax. What the hell changed in between those scenes? Nothing. Eddie still runs the risk of dying being piloted by the symbiote, and while Eddie has motivation to stop Bad Guy (again, another character that is so thin I can't be bothered to learn his name) from bringing the symbiotes to earth, Venom is given zero reason to want that at all. As mentioned above, there's no backstory. Is Venom concerned his race will consume the earth? If so, who cares? There's seven billion people and Venom has already found Eddie, who is a suitable match for him to survive, so why does he care at all? Eddie would survive an invasion anyhow. It makes no damn sense. Films that have dealt with symbiotic relationships always establish a common ground at some point but Venom doesn't for some inexplicable reason. I'm incredibly frustrated that everyone's just going "tee hee, look, they're best friends now, it's cute" when in fact Eddie is just running around committing murder randomly without ever really contemplating how serious it is, even though he claims to only be eating bad people.

-Nitpick: Fridging two different female characters, the homeless lady and the Life Foundation tattletale, rubbed me entirely the wrong way. Both of them were in Eddie's vicinity, both die, and both are never brought up again or shown to have impacted Eddie's motivation or life. They are simply used and discarded, which is another thing that makes this movie feel so hollow.

-The tone is all over the fucking place. It can be argued that Venom never went full serious and is always sort of tongue-in-cheek, but there's just this ridiculous whiplash feeling when you watch it spike from an action scene to "wacky" Brock antics to Venom quips. Eddie's personality even before the symbiote is just confusing as hell. It's like stuffing a bunch of random character traits into one man and all of them are fighting to get out at once like the characters from Split. The most consistent thing is he's sarcastic, but even then his moods range far too widely to get a bead on him. He can be dry one minute and then frantic and excitable the next, and that's before the symbiote. After the symbiote, it's like they gave Tom Hardy cocaine and steroids. The man's acting is simply all over the damn place. He accepts near-impossible things sometimes with a shrug and other times he freaks out. The movie just doesn't know what the hell it's attempting to accomplish, and that's why mood and tone are important to set from the get-go with a film. It just slingshots between a faux-horror film and a snippy action flick over and over again until your head feels pulverized.

-The final action sequences is one of the dumbest, messiest things since Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It's an ugly, dark, jumbled up mess. It's so indistinguishable that Godzilla (2014) can take potshots at it. Why in perfect blue hell did they choose two symbiotes with such similar appearances to showdown with each other on top of a rocket at night? It's so hard to see what the two of them are doing, who is winning or losing, or what kind of movement is happening at all. We also are never given the full range of their abilities, so the only real stake is when they pull off their hosts and their bodies are vulnerable, but even then it appears that Venom can raise Eddie from the dead seconds later anyhow. I'm stunned the movie couldn't even do a fake out death properly, which is so fucking easy that even Disney can do it. Eddie dies and is revived in less than fifteen goddamn seconds. The camera doesn't even linger on his body to sell the emotion (not that we'd ever have one, he is just barely a character anyway) before it just takes it right the hell back. That's filmmaking 101, for God's sake, and the movie blows it too.

-The last scene in the movie. In its entirety. I haven't been that exasperated since I stupidly forced myself to watch Pacific Rim: Uprising. There are so many things wrong with it that it's hard to know how to tackle it. I don't care that Eddie stopped that guy from extorting the shop owner--he openly turned into a 10 foot tall alien and ate a guy in front of her, and the movie just laughs and shrugs like it's just totally fine, like that woman isn't about to lose her shit, call the cops, or fuck, the NSA/FBI/CIA/Avengers on Eddie for making her a witness to murder, and endangering pretty much anyone around them. To say nothing of the fact that there is no reason a 10 foot tall alien with a million sharp teeth needs to say a single word to threaten someone. You are the threat, buddy. Your existence is the threat. Why did you need to insist on threatening to bite things off? You're terrifying and nothing you say is going to somehow make you scarier, especially when you just ate the guy anyway. It's like they just made that scene for the final trailer, much like that "I thought she was with you" comment all the way back in Batman v. Superman despite in-canon it made no sense. It's so unnecessary. And don't get me started on the fact that the crook actually asked the giant alien who it is. Fuck you. That was a lazy, transparent attempt to spoonfeed the wretched cliche that Michael Keaton's Batman made famous. (Consequently, all movies ever, please stop doing this cliche. Stop it. Just find another way to announce yourself. It's really tired, y'all, let it go already.) No human would ever look at that thing and ask it who the fuck it is. He'd piss himself and die of fright. Period. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Piss. Die. Period.

-Nitpick: Why was there that weird Godzilla (2014) trailer noise every time Venom attacked someone? Did they just steal it from public domain? They used it almost like the Inception horn cliche that Hollywood was obsessed with for a while and it took me right out of the scene every damn time.

-Nitpick: They really thought we're so stupid that we needed Kasady to actually say his character's name out loud. Look, you fuckers, you know goddamn well that end credits scenes are extras and that people can go home and Google things instead of you literally spelling it out for us. Hell, you know that not that many Average Joes and mainstream people went to this movie anyway since Venom is a second-stringer villain and your main demographic is die-hard Eddie Brock fans anyway. So having Kasady say the damn name “Carnage” in the post credits scene really was the final fart in my general direction. Give us some fucking credit, man. Venom has barely five plotlines to his whole character anyway. Of course we knew you were going to drop Carnage for the Sequel Hook, you condescending twat of a film.

Look, I get it. I'm hypercritical because I write fiction for a living. There are plenty of movies where turning your brain off is required in order to enjoy it, but I think this movie is asking me to get an entire lobotomy to be able to swallow the big-ass pill it's offering. It's just so sloppy and uncaring and yet it's holding its grubby little hands out for your money and your love and I think it's undeserving of it on every last level. It has zero comprehension of what it's trying to accomplish since it's a money grab, and its artistic choices are nothing short of bonkers. It's so strange that it even veers outside of the So Bad It's Good category for me. I can't in good confidence recommend it to anyone even though it's almost like a study in what not to do in both comic book movies and movies in general. It's weird in a distasteful way rather than in a charming way for me, honestly. I know people have rallied around it for being different and out there, but I don't think different and good are the same thing in Venom's case.

[setsuntamew]

Kingdom Hearts 3 Liveblog: Part 1

As promised, all spoilers will be under a cut! My understanding of Japanese is very limited, but even with that in mind, there will be plenty of gameplay spoilers and some plot summaries. For now, all "screencaps" are taken with my phone, since I don't wanna spam my PSN friends with spoilers >< Sorry for the low quality shots!

So, for some context: I'm the one doing all the actual playing while Liz (dragonofeternal) and Pat (arahith) watch and provide commentary. I know very minimal Japanese, but the two of them know enough bits and pieces to translate the menus and get the gist of cut scenes. So while we're obv missing a lot of details, we've got a general idea of what's going on! However, this also means that I only have so many pics, because I was doing the gaming. Liz has a more detailed liveblogging experience going on over on their journal, and Pat is just dying of emotions (tho we're pretty much all doing that). 

oh my god oh my god oh my god I honestly lost my mind just over the download. I didn't plan this is advance btw; I only realized I could buy digital games on the Japanese PSN a few hours after the game released in Japan, because I have no common sense I guess lmao.

IT'S REALLY HAPPENING!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!! The opening was super gorgeous which like, yeah, I knew it would be from trailers...but seeing it actually happening on my TV??? SO GOOD. It's an extended version of the trailer too; it's got more scenes in it!! Also the only thing (so far at least) that blocks sharing of screenshots/video. The stained glass beginning is done differently than previous games, with floating screens showing clips from past games as your way of choose what to value versus what to give up. It is SLICK as fuck!! And then the big fuckin shadow that you fight (because there's always one....allways) is mirrored and different and it's in a world of pure sky. It's beautiful. It's enough to make me wish I had a 4K TV and PS4 Pro, tbh.

.........uhhhh excuse me? Fuck you Nomura I wanna play the god damn fucking video game please just let me into the fun fucking part of the game!! XD Anyway, the first world was Olympus and I spent most of it figuring out the controls, aka fucking everything up because X and O are reversed in Japanese. I knew this even, from play Final Mixes 1 and 2 back in the day, and yet? Still fuckin it up hardcore XD It's so much fun to play though, which is something I'm probably gonna say a ton of times, but it's true. Since it's the first world, it is technically the "tutorial" world but it doesn't feel like one. Learning all the new play styles comes organically, and it's all very intuitive- especially considering I can only understand about 30% of the instructions they game is giving me. I love Hercules; it's my favorite Disney movie. I nearly burst into tears of joy when I got to explore Thebes because holy shit it felt like walking through my favorite Disney movie??? It felt like it was crafted with such love and care...There was a lot of thought put into KH3, and it shines for it. I wish it hadn't been such a long wait but also? It's done so well, it was worth it. Also, controlling a giant magical pirate ship is the dopest thing ever and I would like to kill basically all heartless with that now. The magical Disney rides as an attack system works even better than I had hoped :D It's my favorite new addition so far. Going to Mt. Olympus was fantastic as well!!!! The whole time, Liz, and I were making jokes about how Sora was gonna have to apologize to Hercules for breaking all of the stuff in his dad's house, and I think Pat almost had a hernia when I started breaking things in Hephaestus's forge.

Finishing up Olympus rewarded me with my boy Riku!!!! He's been my fave since KH1 and just...hello Riku :D I fucking hate demon towers but playing as Riku was slick. It definitely reminded me of Aqua in 0.2, and it reflects the growth he's had versus Sora having to start all over again.

......why are your pants so awkward lookin though??? Like that's an......interesting bulge :T Please...please wear your pants differently in the future...

Aaaaaand my other boy, Ienzo!!!! I just about screamed and jumped out of my seat in excitement; I somehow didn't expect to see him quite so early!! I'm a little disappointed that we haven't gone to Radiant Garden so far, but cell phone Ienzo is more than enough to keep me satisfied. I loved him asking Aeleus if he wanted to talk to Roxas, too, because fuck that's adorable?? Too cute. Too good. If anyone makes Ienzo cry I will fight them. FUCKING TWILIGHT TOWN IS GORGEOUS I DIED FIFTY TIMES FROM JOY (but not during the massively overpowered demon tower fight because I'm good at video games). It was so fucking good to get to go back and see it lovingly rendered in high def. I almost immediately went to find the crack in the wall, got upset that someone had apparently fixed the glaring hole in the wall, and found a back way to the forest through the sewers :D

Remy is adorable??? Like I didn't get good enough shots because I was just too into the cut scene, okay, it was cute. I was very sad that they left him behind (and pleased when apparently Scrooge decided to employ him later, because he knows what's up).

Hi sorry I have to go cry??? Forever????????? Because apparently I wasn't ready to see the Twilight Town mansion without being a big fucking baby! I just...it breaks my heart. These kids and their tragedies hurt me deeply and just. It hurts so good.

R O X A S!!!!!!!!!!!! sobs sobs please help him Sora ;w;

Pence has hacked into the mainframe :D

NOT.

Real talk though, getting to see Hayner, Pence, and Olette again was so fucking good, and watching Pence be a useful nerd was A+ for sure. And just basically everyone being like yeah Sora can't work technology please keep him away from it forever, thanks. It's good. It's good shit!!!!

Something about this shot feels very melancholy, and I while I don't think it was what the end of this cut scene was supposed to feel like, it feels a bit like foreshadowing.

Speaking of problems...I know they were talking about something serious in this scene, but Liz and I kept re-dubbing it with cracky bullshit and so now it makes me giggle. Oops!! Seriously though, it's like "Hey Ansem, maybe stop checking out teenagers? It's getting kinda creepy, even for us villains." "But they're so cute..."

I'm so sorry I'm like this.

Aaaaaaand I'm gonna cut it here, with this fantastic Xemnas face! See y'all next time with Toybox, Kingdom of Corona, and potentially Monstropolis, depending on how much time I have to write at work today :D

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

Old glee spoof liveblogs

Yuè [glee spoof 4] so yeah i decided to watch all of simgm's glee stuff (glee spoof, glee minisodes, gleedo) and i am at spoof 4

Yuè Oh this one has no captions Yuè MICHAEL IS HERE!!!! Yuè "THE FUCKING AUDITORIUM FINN" Yuè I've been singing the Obsession with Finn song at the top of.mylungs today cause what a jam Yuè IT IS MY BOY BLAAAAAAAAINE Yuè there were a lot of guest stars Yuè GO EMMA Yuè TATER TOTS Yuè "Nice mugshot Mercedes"

Yuè [glee spoof 5] time for rachel's nose job

Yuè ah.. no captions Yuè "but we'll pretend that never happened cause we're good at doing that with storylines" Yuè YOOO WILLIAM IS HERE FOR SAM Yuè AND ALSO SCOTT (I think that was the name of the actor before Kyle) AS PUCK Yuè glee did Wannabe in an episode but it wasn't the same because Brother's riffs weren't in there Yuè "is that all you ever do?" TRUTH Yuè I love it when Hemo smiles in the background Yuè thanks Emma for slamming Will and his "teaching" Yuè "what in the fuckity fuck fuck was that shit??" Yuè nickname one: lemon drop Yuè I love this part Yuè "where did that piano come from?" Yuè SORRY SIMGM BUT CHECK PLEASE JUST GOT UPDATED I NEED T READ IT Yuè okay okay I am going to continue cause it hasn't blown up yet so I can't blog about omgcp yet Yuè I don't like Santana faking the sexual harassment claim tho Yuè ZOOMBA Yuè thanks simgm for pointing out the double standards between male and female characters Yuè "a sad attempt of giving me a storyline" Yuè damm Sister did great job on the performances Yuè "Nice choir Mercedes"

Yuè [glee spoof 6] WHERE'S MA CROWN? Yuè "isn't that what you did" "yeah but.. I'm Finn" Yuè "THAT'S WHY YOU BETTER ROLL" Yuè "I can't believe we're stupid enough to believe that" Yuè "wow... misjudged that one" Yuè thanks simgm for pointing out so many plot holes Yuè "you can't fight the power of Brittana" Yuè I FORGOT ABOUT JESSE FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS Yuè I can't believe Michael did Jesse and Kurt's voice Yuè *voices Yuè YES YES YES THE BLAINE SONG IS STILL MY JAM WHY ISN'T IT ON THEIR SPOTIFY? ?? Yuè "yeah if you're gonna fight at least hit each other" Yuè THIS S.MY FAVORITE PART OF ALL OF GLEE SPOOFS GO FOR IT KURT Yuè nickname two: sugary plumb pie Yuè THIS ENTIRE EPISODE IS WONDERFUL Yuè "ONE MORE TIME" Yuè "Nice poem Mercedes"

Yuè [glee spoof 7] This is over 30 minutes long that's what I call dedication

Yuè " half of the stuff that happens to us makes no damn sense" Yuè I still can't believe Boss built the entire New York set herself Yuè "I HAVE BIG PLANS" fuuuuck I should wear my I have big plans t-shirt Yuè well Quinn.. Cats is back on Broadway now aka Rachel was just 6 years early Yuè "it's no time for logic Kurt" Yuè SAVE THE HORSES Yuè "I regret nothing" I love the glee spoof Artie Yuè I just love the entire glee spoof Yuè "I HAVE BIG PLANS" Yuè I am just in constant amazement of the New York set Yuè I'm now wearing the Big Plans t-shirt just around the time Quinn goes crazy about her big plans Yuè Oh god after six years I finally get the "Bootay" thing Yuè "well this could've been a lo-" Yuè "shut the fuck up Finn" Yuè I remember Boss saying Michael worked really hard on the song Yuè Boss sounds so much like Lea it's unreal maybe Boss should be on Elsie Fest this year Yuè why doesn't the Sims 4 have spiral staircases yet? Yuè "you know you're probably gonna change your mind by the end of the episode, right?" Yuè "PLANS! Big ones!" Yuè "Okay first of all: breath mints. You needs on" Yuè Brittany is the only sane one here Yuè quite frankly. . Sunshine beating Rachel up is more believable than Rachel's sudden change of heart Yuè "I'm Finn" Yuè "that might change by the end of the episode though" true true true Yuè SMACK THAT Yuè I like this song more than Pretending but honestly I just really don't like Pretending Yuè there's so many great music in this episode Yuè I actually used to have Simgm music on my phone including this song Yuè the part with Santana and Rachel is my favourite Yuè nickname 3: pancakes Yuè nickname 4: gingerbread dough sprinkled lightly toasted graham cracker bunny" Yuè "who got tad more songs than me" "WHAT?" Yuè aaaah my Brittana shipping heart Yuè "NOW MARCH MOTHERFUCKER" Yuè "oh and. ... Tater tots" Yuè woah Brianna voiced both Terri and Sunshine?

Yuè [glee spoof 8] (Jim Cantiello voice) SEASON 3. The season where we appreciate Tina.

Yuè JUDGING YOU WRITERS Yuè "I don't have any (smile)" Yuè "We appreciate you!" Yuè "cinnamon toast" "Finn!" Yuè nickname 5: Pop Tart Yuè honestly Blaine should've just fucked stayed at Dalton Yuè what happened to Dianna's dog? Yuè "... than Kurt dropped Mercedes" oH SHIT Yuè THIS IS THE START OF UNICORN Yuè nickname 6: Candy Cane Yuè GOD BLESS THE BLAINE SONG AND BOSS'S BROTHER'S VOICE Yuè "I didn't do it" Yuè ah the angry student is back Yuè Oh wait is this where Jordan started voicing Sue? Yuè "Because they don't know what else to do with my character" Yuè good thing that glee spoof continues the hair jokes Yuè "We appreciate you!" Yuè this song was also on my phone Yuè I think I had Breakout, Tonight, Blaine song, Faith, Gotta Be Love With You and another one on my phone Yuè OH THE CELL BLOCK TANGO Yuè watching this really makes me want to play the Sims 2 again but... I have a storyline on the Sims 4 aka a fifth generation family Yuè QUINN FALLING GETS ME EVERY TIME Yuè name of Beth 1: Carol Yuè "holy crap I can't believe I'm actually saying meaningful lines" Yuè nadiacreek actually made a ranking of parents in glee and she put Shelby on it twice Yuè good for Beth and bad for Rachel Yuè "IHBBP. I have big baby plans!" Yuè "Damn, you Brittana"

Yuè [glee spoof 9] and we appreciate Tina Yuè Oh I love this song Yuè "Asian" "Asian F" "stereotype" "stop doing glee club" "no" "I'm glad we talked this out" Yuè BRITT IN A MONKEY SUIT Yuè name of Beth 2 and 3: Susan, Mary Yuè name of Beth 4: Jessica Yuè THEY SAY THAT LIFE IS TATER TOT AR R Y OU FOR REAL?? Yuè RORY UM IRISH Yuè I love the cast list Yuè and I also love Mercedes's riffs Yuè was Nathan actually Irish? I don't think do cause he was in one of those chats Yuè "I was told you are too" True Yuè "We apprecia-" "Shut the fuck up" Yuè "COURAGE" Yuè I actually wanted the courage t-shirt before I got the I have big plans one Yuè Oh man I miss the old crack days of jokes of Finn telling Blainers to sit down Yuè AND THERE IS BRIANNA AS SUGAR MOTTA Yuè "what the f-" Yuè "H-" "stop you're embarrassing yourself" Yuè I LOVE THAT FINN SMILE Yuè "Told you"

Yuè [glee spoof 10] that time a parody handled Santana's coming out story better than the actual show

Yuè I love the warning Yuè "I've been working in keeping my eyebrows still" Yuè "I think I'll go wax my lasagna" is one of my favourite lines ever Yuè OH B OY SEBASTIAN Yuè nickname 7???: snuggle toes Yu�� a background sim is wearing a fez I love it Yuè FUCKING HELL THE VEGAN THING Yuè "Tina what the fuck" "Bitch" Yuè Y'ALL IT IS TIME FOR THE CELL BLOCK TANGO THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE Yuè also who the hell did these sometimes inaccurate captions? Yuè kudos to Boss for all these dialogues Yuè "Found out he couldn't handle BIG PLANS" Yuè damm I'm still in awe bc f the Cell Block Tango Yuè "we're here to save Rachel's virginity" Yuè nickname 8: Watermelon Lips Yuè KLAINE DID WATERMELON BEFORE IT WAS COOL Yuè I've drawn so many Stop the violence things Yuè Lauren is creepin Yuè GO SIMGM GO SIMGM GO SIMGM YES YES YES THANKS FOR THIS SCENE Yuè I love the big camera and also them saying the storyline is stupid Yuè also we needed more of Brittany supporting Santana during this come on fuck off glee Yuè I HAD TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABUT TIS SONG Yuè Quinn is just smiling while Santana is beating the living shit out of Finn Yuè "Can't say I didn't warn you" Yuè FINN SINGING WHILE DRUNK AND NAKED IS MY FAVE Hannah sebbbbb Yuè Hannah: did you watch simgm ????????

Yuè [glee spoof 11] time for simgm to do it right

Yuè it is true tho bc Santana suddenly got suspended for violence and I'm like... FIGGINS HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT THESE KIDS DO ON A DAILY BASIS? Yuè Man the actual episode was such bullshit Yuè "then we're all in the wrong club" Yuè Brittany saying the truth Yuè the entire Quick storyline is so weird Yuè "CHEESEBURGER" Yuè tbh this song is as boring as the song they actually sung on glee so congrats simgm Yuè I'll never get why Santana was so offended by Klaine singing Perfect to her in support bc they know how hard it is in a straight world Yuè whereas the straight dude who outed her sang a boring ass unnecessary song and Santana was crying because she was so ///moved/// Yuè "unions and ass????" Yuè nickname 9: Dolphin Nose? Yuè "I'M KURT BITCH" Yuè Brittana should've sung in the actual glee sigh glee this was such a disappointment Yuè BRITTANA DANCING THE SMUSSLE Yuè honestly suspending Rachel was the best that could have happened because it gave us a killer Rachel free setlist Yuè "Do you people know math???" Yuè "Not completely. I have big plans" "there she goes again" Yuè ZISES Yuè "and clap like a seal" Yuè "It's random and out of character" Yuè glee and its writers suck at romance Yuè "QUINN HEEL" Yuè THIS IS THE SONG THAT WAS ALSO ON MY PHONE Yuè "I can still remember when I was 18. and here I am at 17, a woman"

Yuè [glee spoof 12] there weren't any songs in it

Yuè NVM I WAS WATCHING EPISODE 13 THERE ARE SONGS IN EP 12 Yuè "oh you know me and my big plans" Yuè "we hold hands, ran into Kurt and Blaine, and I moved two weeks later" Yuè unfortunately the old channel doesn't have captions Yuè "allow me to show you my excitement. ..... " I actually use that quote in real life Yuè why can't Shue do anything by himself Yuè "it always freaks me out when he decides to actually teach" Yuè I love these moments Yuè "my cat will eat you alive" Yuè I just remember how uncomfortable it was to watch Finchel suck face on glee like they didn't even look like loving kisses it was full open mouth on open mouth and making out Yuè "you would know all about announcing things wouldn't you" Yuè I also liked this song Yuè "no I only do that in cars" Yuè nickname 10: chocolate turle Yuè *turtle Yuè to quote Darren Criss: "it's cool I'm back" Yuè after taking a break to help dad wth dinner I'm gonna end this episode Yuè Oh the slushie Yuè "do my eyebrows look okay?" Yuè "that building was already on fire when I got there" Yuè "what happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom" Yuè "aren't we supposed to be rehearsing" "DO WE EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO THAT?" Yuè GAY PIRATE Yuè "oh wow we actually accomplished something" I love Quinn s snark in these spoofs Yuè so much snark Yuè "oh sh-" Yuè WAIT JORDAN ALSO VOICED GRANT?

Yuè [glee spoof 13] Finn doesn't know how to wash his balls

Yuè really.. Will and Emma suck at their jobs Yuè BLACK SUE Yuè "by the way I'm having a baby" Yuè Mercedes was actually the only one in canon that handled differently when she cheated Yuè "where do I sign to get you fired?" Yuè there were no songs in this ep... Yuè Oh yeah Boss voiced Sugar cause Brianna was ill Yuè poor Puck Yuè ZISES Yuè "sure let's go with that" Yuè "okay who the fuck is this guy?" Quinn once again spilling the truth Yuè "FINN YOU SON OF A-" Yuè "my girlfriend my girlfriend politics and Latino Brittany is my girlfriend equal rights if I wanna kiss my girlfriend I can rainbow flag" Yuè nickname 11: crayola monkey Yuè wait isn't this Scott's last episode?

Yuè [glee spoof 14] what a nice episode title

Yuè "I'm sorry we don't speak bitch" Yuè "and you make a two dollar hoe look classy" Yuè Sam is wearing simgm merch Yuè "I don't here Finchel when Finchel speaks" same Yuè respect for simgm to not make fun of the suicide storyline Yuè I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE TEY PUT A STARKID REFERENCE IN HETR Yuè "MY CAT IS PART OF THE CIA" Yuè in which the girls are fucking sensible Yuè I love the glee version of No Scrub but man what a jam is this Yuè "you suck at motivational speeches" Yuè "do you feel the 'I don't give a fuck' I'm throwing in your direction" Yuè I ASKED FOR DEVELOPMENT AND THEY GAVE ME A WHEELCHAIR Yuè "I have-" "give it a rest Quinn" Yuè "he didn't call me a nickname today" "OH SHIT SON" Yuè "since five seconds ago" Yuè THESE PARTS BETWEEN SIBLING OH GOD Yuè damn Quinn is being inspirational Yuè duck bless this song Yuè AH BRITT Yuè "If there was a chair to kick right now I would" Yuè well well well simgm Yuè nice song

Yuè [glee spoof 15] at this point Boss and Co were so done they put 4 episodes in one spoof

Yuè True about Damian and the glee project thing Yuè waot there are no captions Yuè Mr Schue is such a dick Yuè ah... Quinn's face Yuè for real tho in 4 eps Santana changed her opinion on college too many times Yuè "this got disturbing really fast" Yuè UNIQUE Yuè "knock knock" "who's there?" "go away" Yuè THE WAY RACHEL'S FACE JUST FELL Yuè ZISES IS IN THE CHOIR ROOM Yuè the Quoe boner thing was so gross Yuè I also use "and I wanna go to college" in real life to basically say WTF Yuè fuck Chandler Yuè Oh jesus Yuè btw welcome Kyle to the cast Yuè "I can do that now. I see you're dressed as Lea Michele today" Yuè SANTANA VISION Yuè "dinosaurs" "shut the fuck up Mike"

Yuè [glee spoof 16] this is the end

Yuè throwback to the first ep Yuè Rachel is a selfish as Yuè *ass Yuè and Tina is right Yuè THE BODY SWAP Yuè nickname 12 kinda: winky fairy Yuè ahhh I'm getting all emotional Yuè TATER TOOOOOOOOOOOOTS Yuè another throwback because they're all wearing the outfits they wore in the first spoof Yuè "good luck with that" Yuè EVEN ZISES WAS HERE Yuè the unicorn magic!! Yuè "my big plans are-" (title song) Yuè ... and it's over AGAIN

Yuè [glee spoof minisodes and others]

Yuè mini 1Glee Spoof Minisode 1 | Kurt's Problem with Blaine Yuè this is the video that led me to Simgm because of Michael's awesome voice work Yuè nickname 1: cutiepiedumplingsugartwinkledove Yuè I love that nickname Yuè nickname 2: kurtsie wurtsie Yuè mini 2Glee Spoof Minisode 2 | Santana Exposes All Yuè TATER TOTS YEAAAAAH Yuè "Penises and Winecoolers: a dangerous combination" Yuè "you've been a bad girl Santana" oh lord Yuè mini 3Glee Spoof Minisode 3 | Fondue for Two Yuè wait Yuè this isn't minisode 3 Yuè this is the other Fondue for Two mini Yuè okay in other words minisode 3 has disappeared so let's just move to Yuè mini 4Glee Spoof Minisode 4 |The Glee Cast Discover the Gl... Yuè this s where it gets real Yuè "SAVE THE HORSES" Yuè this is the first time the actual sim "actors" were in a video Yuè "am I really that tall?" "YES!" Yuè mini 5Glee Spoof Minisode 5 | Quinn's Summer Before Senior... Yuè I actually ripped the audio off of this one and put it on my phone so that I could listen t it Yuè "you have too many messages fr me to count" Yuè "BLAINE HOW MANY TMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO SING DURING-" Yuè quinn's face when Finn tries to order a pizza Yuè "..." "that must've been Tina leaving a message" Yuè mini 6Glee Spoof Minisode 6 | The Glee Club Gets Tested Yuè "you know I'm gonna flunk" Yuè Oh Santana Yuè "cow ass no. 5?" Yuè "you're all fucking crazy" "we didn't need a test to tell us that" Yuè mini 7 for realGlee Spoof Minisode 7 | Fondue for Two Part 2 Yuè "do you enjoy being a lesbian?" Yuè nickname 3: puffy-bear Yuè again.. oh Santana Yuè "you do like tossing things" "yeah like..." "my girlfriend out of the closet" Yuè mini 8Glee Spoof Minisode 8 | Brainstorming with the Creat... Yuè RIB is at it again Yuè "is Obama available?" if only Yuè Ian does no shit Yuè hey it's a Zises Yuè I love the Sim cast Yuè "what the fuck did I just read" after the IKAG script is gold Yuè mini 9Glee Spoof Minisode 9 | The Glee Cast Auditions Yuè Sim cast is back wohoo Yuè "my name is-" "you've got the part" Yuè "no way that's HELLA cool!" Yuè mini 10Glee Spoof Minisode 10 | To Catch a Pedo Will Yuè you know that's also HELLA cool? Yuè more of Brianna as sugar Yuè "Because my boyfriend is super awesome" Yuè Sue knocking Schue down always gets me Yuè mini 11Glee Spoof Minisode 11 | Favorite Moments Yuè TIME FOR SENTIMENT Yuè I agree with Michael. "Where's ma crown?" is my favourite part as well Yuè the Christmas crap festGlee Spoof Christmas Special | Holly Jolly Crap Fest Yuè honestly I haven't seen this one in ages Yuè "this Irish dude" Yuè "????????????????" Yuè this was very weird tbh Yuè they never released that song Yuè comic conGlee Cast Comic Con Spoof Yuè I thought it was very cool that actual viewers could send in audio questions Yuè fucking mcgustin Yuè never forget mcgustin Yuè save horses and coffee 2k17 Yuè Oh shit Lea's laugh Yuè LEA Yuè go for it Darren Yuè sneak peek Behind the Scenes of Glee Spoofs Yuè this is like one minute long but it points out so many glee flaws it's hilarious Yuè "I asked for development and they gave me a wheelchair" Yuè btw I am watching all the little glee spoofs and other bts stuff but I'm not gonna live blog them

[indigoire]

Hey so I can't connect to my internet on my laptop so I'm using the data on my phone to make this post so I apologize for the lack of a readmore cut but I can't sleep because I'm thinking a lot about Loki and Thor: Ragnarok.

From the start, let me just say that I have never been a Loki stan. He's a cool character but I've never felt the urge to excuse his actions. Loki has done some pretty terrible things.

That said, holy shit Loki's arc in Thor: Ragnarok, y'all. Spoilers ahead, don't read until you've watched the film!

In the beginning of the film, Loki's big deception from Dark World is revealed, and he and Thor team up to find Odin after Loki displaced him to Midgard. Brief sidebar to say god bless the costuming department for dressing Thor and Loki when they're disguised as normal people in New York. Thor looks like a Lands' End catalogue model and the tumblr definition of "farmer's market hot" and Loki looks like he graduated law school in hell, that all black suit is fantastic. They look like complete polar opposites, literally night and day, and I am living for it.

In any case, after a Strange diversion they find dear old dad somewhere near the sea in Norway, and what follows is a scene I deeply love for many reasons. Odin tells them he cannot go home because he is dying, and at several points he expresses how much he loves his sons, plural. Each time the camera cuts to Loki looking pained. I need to rewatch to fully absorb what Loki reacts to most, but he seems shocked by Odin expressing his fatherly love. It kinda cuts you to the core, how rejected Loki has felt until now.

Then we meet Hela. I think it is no coincidence that she looks strikingly like Avengers-era Loki, minus the gold. One of her first words to her brothers is "kneel" of all things. She very much mirrors what Loki used to be, a power hungry vision in acid green, with horns and all. If Loki had ever worn such amazing eyeshadow they could practically be twins.

Then the brothers get flung into space, and thus begins the whole Sakaar debacle. They're both trapped on an alien planet, but while Thor gets captured and sold the Grandmaster to fight in his gladitorial arena, Loki has managed to worm his way into the Grandmaster's favors to be seen as an almost equal. This is where Loki's loyalties go back and forth. At some points he seems to be on Thor's side. At one point he wants to stay on Sakaar and end his relationship with Thor permanently. That elevator scene killed me. The way Thor says "Loki, I thought the world of you" and "our paths diverged long ago" really hammers home (pun unintended) how Loki's constant betrayals and trickery have driven a wedge between them. They can never go back to the way things were between them (even if a certain someone was a murderous S.O.B. at eight!! The snake story was hilarious but holy shit Loki. Loki was literally that kid from that one video. "Loki let me see what you have!" "A KNIFE!" "NOOO!").

Back to seriousness. Ahem.

But trickery and betrayals aside, Loki does manage to come through by the film's climax, delivering a ship for the refugees and reinforcements and proving he does have good leadership skills, even if it does end with him proclaiming himself as their savior. He does the thing for Thor (though I'm definitely convinced he was more than tempted by the Cheov's gun that was the tesseract), saves the day, and they ride off on their spaceship to Earth.

By the end I think Thor has mostly given over to fondness for Loki, and I think the same for Loki. They're all the other has left, all the rest of their family is dead, their world is destroyed. They hardly have a reason to hate each other anymore, and honestly at this point Loki is that one villain whose antics are mostly amusing and you end up loving him and feeling real sympathy for him, and he ends up on the good guys side. For Thor's part, I think he grieved his dead brother after Dark World and truly missed him and is happy to have him back and in good(-ish) graces.

For Loki's part...Loki is a truly complex and layered character. He wants recognition so bad you can almost see it coming off him. He definitely has his power hungry moments, but he's mostly moved beyond "I AM A KING" and "KNEEL!" and kinda grown. Being disgraced and thrown into a jail cell and losing your only family will do that to a guy. He's too damn clever for his own good, and it's almost as if he can't help tricking others, just like Thor can't help but smash things and call forth lightning. That's just their natures; Loki wouldn't be Loki without a trick or ten up his sleeve. But Loki also wants love. He loves Thor, and Thor loves him. Interpret that how you will. Loki does want to be in his brother's good graces, of that I am sure, but I also wouldn't be surprised if he stole a certain blue cube off of Asgard before things exploded. I'm interested to see how THAT will play out, but however it does I think the brothers might actually face it as a team. For all his grey morality I think...I think Loki might be a good guy now. At least he's redeemed himself in my eyes.

Now go see Thor: Ragnarok. It's way funnier than I've made it sound, I promise. One of my faves for sure.