#- ; Gonna' do a test run with this verse and see how I feel about it

[hxzelwallflower]

ooc.♡ˎˊ˗ Removing H.elluva Boss off my blacklist for a while.

[jessnotfoundd]

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭?

Finding out you're pregnant and telling them.

(You can send me ideas or thing you want me to write about them or some one specifically)

Dad!verse masterlist

Masterlist here!

Dream

After the talk, you both decided to be calm about it, so within two months you were waiting for your period, last month it came, so no baby, this month, you felt more tired than ever, so in your mind, you were hoping that now it's positive.

The test was taking longer than needed or you just didn't want to see it?. But when you open your eyes, test in front of your eyes, your mouth open wide, as well your eyes. It was real, it was not another negative test. It's a positive one. You smile and run to Clay's steam room, where he was editing some vlog. You wanted to give the news in a special way but with the extreme amount of excitement, you couldn't take it.

-Babe.- you move his chair so he is now facing you.

-Yes?- his eyes take a minute to see your happiness and he smiles too.

-I am- it's all you say and now tears of joy are escaping from your eyes- I'm pregnant- he jumps out of the chair and hugs you, turning around with you.

-We are gonna be so good, we're gonna do good.- his forehead on yours. Both of you smiling.

Sapnap

You knew. You know your body so bad. It's been 4 months since you decided to do this and you were so upset you haven't missed your period in none of those months. But war is over, you knew this time was right. The test is now hidden in the gift you prepared for the year anniversary of being married. A teddy bear customized as sapnap. Under it. The positive test for pregnancy.

-Open my gift- he says super happy, when you do so, you melt, a necklace with a picture of you two.-Hopefully one day there will be a picture of our family.- his hand is on yours, and your smile.

-Open mine- you smile, tears already coming. He laughs the minute he sees the teddy, but his eyes go a little down, noticing there's something else in the bag.

-I knew it.- he says eyes watery. Smiling big.

-How?- you're surprised, how did he find out?

-I guess i really pay attention to you and this week you were feeling sick, we had so many rushes to store for cravings, and laziness, I mean, you never were lazy.- he smiles wide and you let the tears run down your cheeks, he is so kind and perfect.

George

He was super into having a baby, so it wasn't a surprise that 4 weeks later your last period (which finished one day before having the talk) you were late on it. So you just waited two more days, just in case, but after those two days, the British boy and you rushed to the closest pharmacy to get a pregnancy test.

-So we might do a baby and I can´t see you pee on the stick?- he says annoyed.

-Exactly, now, let me pee, or do you want to pee for me?- I smirk.

-If i could i would.- he jokes and closes the door in front of him.

The waiting turned agonizing for both, but it was worth it. You both run to tell Dream and Sapnap they were going to be uncles.

Karl

This man would be desperate to have a positive pregnancy test, he would ask you every other day if you want to take one.

-Karl, babe, we have to wait at least a month to see if my period comes or not- he looked sad.-We have to be patient, remember?- he nods and goes back to whatever he was doing.

After your period date is late on his calendar (he insisted on knowing when it's supposed to be) he rushes to your work and after your shift is done, he takes a pregnancy test out of his pack.

-Your period is late, you know what that means?- he smiles and you do so, taking this moment and being sure to keep it forever in your memories.

-Fine, let's go home, and then I'll do the test.- you take it and lean to kiss him.

When the test turns out positive he's so happy, he wants to tell everyone, so you both just decided to find a good idea to tell everyone.

Quackity

This special occasion needed some special effort so you practice how to say it in Spanish.

-Babe- you get into the kitchen with the positive test on your pocket

-Yeah?- he's there making coffee for both, the cold morning asks for it.

-mhm- you hesitate but you are proud of your effort, so you just say it.- Estoy.... embarazada- you finish with doubt and he's already seeing you like a gosht.

-You sure you mean that you're pregnant?- you nod and take the positive test out of your pocket to show him. He's overwhelmed, but runs to your side to bring you in a hug.- oh god, you are.- he assures, and you both smile. He pulls you in for a kiss and the rest of the morning is basically you both telling you're families on facetime calls

Punz

You did the test and hope in the shower for a super quick shower before heading to your morning classes.

-Oh my god.- you heard luke on the other side of the curtain.

-What?- you have your eyes closed, enjoying the warm water falling on your head.

-We are pregnant- he says holding the test with the curtain a little open so you can see him.

-Luke!- you close the curtain so he can't see you.

-You mean that we are going to have a child but you don't want me to see you in the shower?- he laughs.

-Shut up, I'm pregnant.- you smile.

-We are darling, we are.- he jokes, resting on the door and looking at the positive test.

-I am the only one pregnant, Luke.- he signs.

-I'm Luke now?- he mumbles.

-Babe, why are you so dramatic?- you appear in his sight vision, a towel on your head, and others around your body.

-I'm gonna be a dad.- he brings you for a kiss and smile.

Foolish

He was there all the goddamn time, he was so sweet. You text him if he could come over because he was at Karl, who is both neighbors haha. He was going thru the door a second after you texted.

-You okay? something happened?- he checks on you and you show him the little box of the pregnancy test. -Oh- he's speechless.

-Want you to be here if it is positive, and I'm pretty sure it's gonna be.- you said with a smile. He takes your hand and leads you to the bathroom.

-Come on, piss on it baby- you both laugh.

When the positive was there, you couldn't believe it. Spent the rest of the night talking about the baby's stuff and just enjoying the presence of each other.

Wilbur

You were sure you were pregnant, and the negative tests were fake, so you decided to get a blood pregnancy test, you decided to keep it to yourself in case it was negative, but when the results were in your email box, you didn't want to open it. You did, and you're glad, cause it is a positive test, you are pregnant.

You call Will right away and told him that you both were going to have dinner for a big surprise. So when you're shift was over at the office, he pick you up.

-I cooked, i didn't feel like going out he says the moment you sit in the car.-Hope you're okay with it.- he kisses you and smiles. You are smiling so wide that he feels strange.-You have a big surprise I guess- he laughs and you nod.

-But ill have to wait until we are home.- he pouts and gets the car going.

At home, you are both almost eating now, and he is about to serve you wine, but you hold the bottle before he could pour it into the glass.

-You don't want wine?- he looks strange at you, you always had wine with big surprises and good news.

-It's not that i don't want to, it's that I can't.- you smile wide and he keeps it without picking it up.

-Why? are you taking medicine and i don't know?- he feels like a bad husband now.

-Will, I'm pregnant.- you hold his cheeks and he smiles wide like you are.

-No more wine for you- he leaves the bottle forgotten on the table and picks you in a hug, planting a kiss on your lips, smiling in the middle of this.

The celebration is long and you both feel like you're now complete.

-So i can talk to them?- he points at your stomach.

-Will, there's a group of cells, growing them will take a time.-He looks offended.

-There is our son!- he laughs, the wine kicking in.

[quitealotofsodapop]

So Mk gets surprise eggo because of paint and confined space and lack of food? Imagine that he has no idea what’s wrong with him, he goes to Lao Tzu, and when Lao Tzu goes “congrats on the baby” Everyone just kinda stops.

And Mk bursts into tears so loudly that all of heaven can hear. He’s all “I can’t have a baby, it’s too dangerous!” And “I’m not ready!” Pigsy and Wukong are trying to comfort him, and the poor boys is just a sobbing mess.

And Lao Tzu is just standing there like “?????”

Sorry MK XD You're getting Egged

Bonus Anon asks:

Referencing this post where someone pointed out that MK could theoretically create a Stone Egg + the sequel that pointed out that he'd most likely do it on accident.

I could see this most likely happening in the Canon! verse since I bet the other au MK's would be more wary of Stone Egg mishaps. But I could 100% see it happening in the SlowBoiled au since that causes more drama.

And as much as I love the idea of MK becoming *ahem* egg'd as the result of a bad guy's plans or a huge catarosphe, I think it would fit more if MK did it completely on accident.

So the idea:

Post S3 MK decides that he needs some "Me time" and takes a break from work and training after the whole "Saving the world from a bone demon"-thing. He just needs some time to shut off completely from his responsibilities in the city. His friends understand and wish him well, even though they're worried since MK won't tell him *Where* he's taking a break to.

"Where" turns out to be a cool cave-let MK found while exploring FFM during S2 with no Monkey King to hover over him. Its quiet, it's secluded, its completely off-grid... But MK just can't relax. His brain is all busy, and everytime he sleeps he sees Her.

So he starts painting. And drawing. And using charcoal. Maybe a little rough pottery with the muddy clay-like stuff in the water? And soon enough he's looking like his Artist Clone with how caked in material he is.

In liu of going to sleep and risking terrible bone demon nightmares, MK meditates like how he saw the Monkey King do. In these moments his thoughts wander into deep, dark teritory. Real "call of the void"-type of thoughts.... hey should he eat something? It's been... oh gosh Pigsy's gonna killl him if he doesn't at least text to tell him how his sabbatical is going.

After his inpromtu vacation is up, MK feels... really gross? Maybe thats cus he hasn't really washed or slept or ate, or spoken to anyone in all that time. Weird.

Pigsy asks him how long it's been since MK last ate a full meal, and huffs with disappointment at his nervous laugh before pouring his son a bowl of noodles.

Bouts of nausea and dizziness follow MK everywhere afterwards. He had no idea why - paint fumes maybe? Did some toxic chemical seep into his skin? Did he get sick somehow from isolating himself in that cave? Is that Jin and Yin trying to take over the city?

At somepoint in the utter chaos of S4 likely as the rest of the gang are recieving training from Subodhi; a certain alchemist meets MK to whisper a few questions into his ear.

Lao Tzu: "I was told that you've been experiencing extreme power fluctuations for the last few weeks. May I run a few test to rule out any abnormalities?"

MK: "Oh cool, no probs! Just don't put me in that furnace thing-y."

(*a few tests later*)

Lao Tzu: "Ok great news, it's not a curse or medical problem."

MK: "Phew! Then why is my body feels like its "glitching" all the time?"

Lao Tzu: "Thats a decaying glamour spell. Its likely that you had one affixed to you shortly before you were given up by your creators."

MK: "Glamour spell...? Wait, then what about my powers wigging out?"

Lao Tzu: "Oh thats easy. You're just pregnant."

MK (has not Done the Do): "What!?"

Mere seconds after Lao Tzu gives the diagnosis - MK just starts bawling.

He doesn't want this! Not now! He does want to have kid while all This is going on! The world might be ending for Buddha's sake!

MK is having a million panic attacks rn. He wants to have kids, so many, but only in the *Future*! When he's like semi-retired and has a protege of his own to take over the monkey business- HEY WAIT, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!

Subodhi has to drop the big lore that MK is a Stone Monkey - capable of reproducing asexually under extreme circumstances, in order to clear up the whole immaculate conception part.

Then Lao Tzu has to tell MK that the Stone Egg he carries will likely Kill him since he's (mostly) mortal.

MK starts crying before deciding to tackle the issue Later.

Ofc MK simply doesn't want his family to worry about him what with all this Brotherhood stuff going on... so he just keeps quiet for now.

His family are going to find out soon though. And by Guanyin, Pigsy is gonna freak.

Macaque (and later Wukong), just need to sniff MK once after they reunite to notice whats up.

Wukong offers to grab some No-Baby Spring Water immediately if MK doesnt want to keep the Egg. Macaque briefly panics thinking that the kid got knocked up the old-fashioned way... only to panic harder when he and Wukong determine it to be a Solo-Made Stone Egg(!!!). Cue two panicking fellow Stone Monkeys making MK feel even worse about his conflicted feelings on the matter.

Pls add on what you think so far! :3

[nightshademyn]

Ok I'm still going insane about the wisdom saga specifically god games so I'm gonna start yapping under the cut because I have A LOT to say

First off, as I said in a previous post, Apollo's verse really does feel like the first/tutorial boss. There's nothing really personal (?) about why he doesn't want Odysseus to be set free, and I'm pretty sure that's intentional with how much this saga took from video games. Also I love his voice because it's fucking Brandon McInnis and as someone who's in the middle of her first FE Engage run w/ male Alear, it was a fucking shock lmao (did not expect to see male alear's va here)

I have no real in depth thoughts when it comes to Hephaestus's verse other than it just scratches my brain the right way. Something about Mike Rivera's voice is just sooo good and there's something so sweet about Jorge getting both his parents as vocalists in his passion project. It makes me smile every time.

OK OK HERE'S WHERE I START GOING INSANE. APHRODITE AND ARES. First off I swear you can hear the danger motif in the instrumentation WHICH MAKES SENSE because Aphrodite isn't going to be easily swayed and that poses a danger to everything Athena is trying to accomplish! It would also foreshadow that Ares is going to come in if Athena pushes Aphrodite to release him. SECOND! This is the longest segment and I wanna argue was the one that took the most effort out of Athena, and I'd like to think it's because of their history with the Trojan War. I'd like to think that Ares and Aphrodite are still holding a grudge from when Athena helped Diomedes almost kill them both during the Trojan War lmao. (Also Athena referring to Telemachus as her friend and Ares' insult towards Telemachus being what causes Athena to lock in is so sweet)

I love Hera's verse and I love how amicable she is towards Athena?? It makes sense to me that she's not quite as hostile as Aphrodite and Ares despite being the final "boss" before Zeus because to my knowledge in mythology Hera held no longs standing animosity towards Athena, probably because she's the child of Zeus and his first wife Metis and not the result of an affair. They were actually on the same side of the Trojan war. So it makes more sense to me that she's less antagonistic and more testing Athena. And I love that her verse starts with "So many heroes/So many tales" because Athena is the goddess that helps out most greek heroes. Off the top of my head outside of Odysseus there was also Perseus and Diomedes that she aided. Hera is testing Athena and asking her what makes Odysseus so special out of all the heroes Athena has mentored

AND FINALLY ZEUS!!!! THE OTHER BIT THAT MAKES ME INSANE! I wanna double back to make a comparison because in the beginning of God Games, it almost sounds to me like Athena is trying to find her rhythm, like she's choosing her words carefully to appeal to Zeus and get him to agree with her. And then once she's convinced the other gods, she returns to zeus with confidence and pride ("I've played your game and won/ Release him") DEMANDING THAT HE RELEASE ODYSSEUS! AND HOW? HOW DOES ZEUS RESPOND???? WITH THE SONG ABOUT PRIDE CRUMBLING AT HIS HANDS!! I firmly believe that's why Zeus struck Athena the second time she approached him. In his eyes, she was prideful and defiant and needed to be taught a lesson (and if the line "to make me feel shame" is any indicator, he probably did not like being called out for his propensity for affairs during Hera's verse). Also I might be going insane but the line "thunder, bring her through the wringer" IS SUNG IN THE FUCKING DANGER MOTIF SIGNALING THE DANGER ATHENA IS IN

The warrior of the mind motif returning first with a soft piano and then with a triumphant brass section (trumpets probably?) was also so good and what a way to end that song

I think that's all I had for now but I will probably come back with more to say because this musical is doing things to me

[drafgost]

Grippy

Man I’m so pissed that this is gonna be my first post but I have GOT to break my silence for Grippy. I need to know why these cheeks hit the fucking airwaves. She a ten piece like a mcnugget. What else can I really say? We’re talking about Grippy by Cash Cobain & J. Cole.

I’m not usually going to dive into the lyrics this much, but something about this song broke me. Every bar is straight ass and I’m compelled to talk about it. Grippy. I’m also going to be much more organized than this, but I’ve lost my. Fucking. Grippy. On what semblance of sanity I retain.

The song starts immediately with a dull ass beat and J. Cole briefly describing the progression of a relationship between him and a girl.

“She like my kick game

And when you know me, you don’t kick game

I put her front row at the Knick game

Now she in my phone with a nickname”

Unfortunately for us all, after a line where it seems like he’s actively trying to come up with said nickname because he’s just saying “it’s, it’s, ummm”, he tells us that she’s down in his phone as Grippy. Why? Don’t worry, he guides us through his thought process, just in case we were lost.

“Grippy, I call her that ‘cause it’s grippy”

What else, Jermaine?

“She thick in the hips, she a hippie

And she thick in the lips, she gon’ lick me”

-

“When she see me, she say she gon’ strip me

She gon’ chew on this stick like it’s Wrigley’s”

I don’t want to know that, Jermaine.

I don’t know why he thought this next bar would be a reasonable thing to say, but he also just said he wanted Grippy to gnaw on his wood like a beaver so I think dude was just operating on some real hell dimension vibes.

“She said she was gay until I slayed

Now she strictly dickly”

There’s no bars of noteworthy ass past this point from J. Grippy pages him and he hits 150 to get there, running Hollywood Cole a $100 base fine for speeding if the Grippyverse takes place in Cali. He has a Grippepiphany. We learn that Grippy is wet. Cole introduces Sabrina and Tiffany and they only pass one third of the Bechdel test. After he states that he “tryna see how that glove gon’ fit” (this is what OJ died for) and that he “wanna feel like [he] touchin’ [Grippy’s] kidneys”, he offers to take her kids to Disney.

That was utterly terrible, but we’re not done. You fucking buffoons have sorely neglected the real villain of this track: Cash Cobain.

“I wanna kill it like rest in peace

Eat on that pussy like it was a recipe”

So far, not worse than Grippy. A real Trojan Horse of pussy verses. How bad could it get?

We have a brief respite while Cash fucking rambles while saying random women’s names, but then he throws us one of his best bars on the song:

“You piss my bitches off like a potty”

More woman rambling. He wants to make Jess a mess, he has something he must confess, he wants to see her undress and is about to send her his address. He wants to fuck Millie ‘til she’s dizzy, and wants her to “suck it sloppy, make it spitty”. Finally, while still addressing poor Spitty Millie, he delivers his magnum opus:

That’s all lots of unpack, and we can truly only scratch the surface. The Grippyverse is immense, and I was certainly overwhelmed by Marvel-level character buildup clogging the narrative artery. Grippy, Sabrina, Tiffany, Destiny (rest in peace), Pregnancy Scare Shanti, Zari, Mia, Jada, Mash Potatoes Kayla, Good Vagina China, Shy Niyah, Toni Macaroni, Polisher Lexi and a possible second Destiny, Marni and her immense conflict, Jess the Mess, and Spitty Millie are all introduced in the freakiest fucking four minute role call I’ve heard to date. How do they relate to each other, if at all? We know the first three are friends, as Cole state’s he thought the whole clique was bad but liked Grippy the best. Are the two Destiny’s aware of each other? Did Polisher Destiny murk Destiny Rest In Peace to take her place? Why doesn’t Cash want to talk to Marni? What did she do to piss off bitches like a potty? Why is the beat so fucking boring?

I haven’t touched on how the song sounds. It sounds the same. The whole song sounds like a trickle of consistent noise. The beat is boring as shit and remains boring as shit the whole run. I listened to the song a few times to really get a feel and kept forgetting it was on once I began to ignore the lyrics.

The one ounce of joy I derived from this song were the initial Genius annotations that were later replaced by people just desperately trying to make sense of this pile of wet sawdust by explaining the potty bar, and what a pager was. “UNC FREAKY” was a much better thing to read than exposition on why Jermaine Lamarr Cole immortalized some poor woman as Grippy, which was readily evident within context.

My Final Rating of Grippy

Lyrics: 2/10

One point awarded for the potty bar. I won’t explain myself. Another point awarded out of respect for Destiny Rest In Peace (peace be upon her, Amen)

Vocals: 5/10

Literally just so average. Nothing special and nothing terrible, and just not worth giving anything other than an average score.

Sound: 5/10

Once again just so infuriatingly bland. Absolutely nothing special about it whatsoever, for better or worse.

Overall Score

Averaging my numbers equals out to

But I will not tarnish my good name by rating this hot bowl of mac n cheeks so high, so it gets a

[notmorbid]

demon copperhead, pt. 2.

dialogue prompts from demon copperhead by barbara kingsolver.

i was born to wish for more than i can have.

there's a shoe out there for every foot.

it's important to leave home and take a look around.

i could be very rich if i decide to extort.

i wonder how it would feel to like who you are.

old homecoming queens never die.

who died and left you boss?

sorry to say your secret is out.

i'm gonna see bad spray tans in my nightmares.

nobody rides you like you ride yourself.

i used to think i knew what hurt was.

i don't like owing anybody.

i didn't fully believe you'd come.

i've got a surprise for you later.

does some law say we all turn into our parents?

half of me is sorry. the other half isn't.

don't look for money to buy your life back.

before we were us, we weren't anything.

you look like a plaid pillow.

i thought i knew it all, in those days.

people find more ways to shut up their monsters than a bible has verses.

let's go steal a tree.

the tall weed gets cut.

a kid in my shoes takes what power they can find.

the moon went to bed already, so what's wrong with us?

i'm a horrible person. the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be.

you're too good for me. i don't deserve you.

it wasn't a secret, i just knew you wouldn't like it.

you use what you've got.

my stomach feels like i've been eating rusty nails.

some good's been known to come out of bad luck, if you face it head on.

where is the motherfucking compassion?

this is still your home, if you want to stay.

the adult in my life is me.

you look like you've seen the dead.

we were kids playing house.

come hang out any time. i could stand the company.

you have to quit being so nice to people.

i'm not one to shut any doors.

i cannot get the hang of living alone.

you should be as mad as i am.

do you want to sleep tonight, or do you want the truth?

they did this to us. you understand that, right?

of all the good people i know, you're probably the best one.

everybody needs to dump on somebody.

i've lived long enough to know that shit doesn't really bounce off.

kids aren't the problem. it's parents.

the only person you need to worry about is yourself.

i have my own honor.

part of being a mature person is knowing your skillset.

another week, another shitshow.

feel free to have a look around.

the support has to run both ways.

good people don't give up on the ones they love.

i've stayed alive so far by staying on my own feet.

i need you to wake up. sit up. we have to talk.

i love you. i would never, ever want to hurt you.

i want to draw your hands.

it's sunday. everyone's either in church or sleeping off their sins.

i want to kill you, but i'm not going to let you die.

are you testing me? or do you really not know?

if wishes were horses, we'd all have different shit to shovel.

a fallen hero shatters into more sharp pieces than you'd believe.

i thought i'd be better off without the fear.

there'll be no getting over this.

a selfish heart will keep you alive, at least.

a snake with venom is gonna bite.

going nowhere fast is a kind of juice.

trust the road, because nobody stays.

in the long run you're on the road with your ghosts. you're the ship, they're the bottle.

rehab is like being married to sickness in a lot of ways, really.

a good story doesn't just copy life, it pushes back on it.

you never were one to fall only halfway down the well, were you?

i let you go. it's what i had to do.

[writingkitten]

How would they react when their s/o tells them that they're pregnant?

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Ricardo: omg omg omg okay so I have a fic in the works for this actually but idk when I’m actually gonna finish it so I’ll go ahead a give a summary. So I think, since he already had Karina, Ricardo and his s/o wouldn’t want to have a child, but then his s/o gets pregnant and when they get the positive test they’re actually excited but now also worried because Ricardo doesn’t want a kid. They know they can’t keep it a secret from him for long so they just decide to tell him as soon as he gets home from work. So he walks through the door, his s/o right there and they don’t know how to lead into it gently so they just say “I’m pregnant” and Ricardo’s eyes widen and he looks from their face to their stomach and back. Then he just drops his stuff, closing the distance between them and drops to his knees, pulling them in close and kissing their stomach a million times, saying “I love you” between each one. He holds them like that for a long time, only letting go when they tell him dinner is getting cold (he doesn’t want the mother of his child eating cold food!!!!!)

Otto/Doc Ock: this man… my god this man would be a happy wreck. He’d hold his s/o tight but also carefully because he doesn’t want to hurt the baby. Tears running down his face, a massive smile on his face, then moving to hold his s/o’s face in his hands and giving them the most loving kiss (yes he’d react the same way both pre- and post-accident Doc Ock wants babies with his s/o)

Robert: okay the first few were written sober I’m high now so Robert would probably sob and be super happy and holding his s/o tight omg he’d just be a shaking happy mess already thinking of baby names (okay I’m sober now reading this and it’s pretty accurate) also would be HELLA protective (so would all molina-verse characters, some more so than others)

Harold: *see robert* there’s not much else I can say he’s just really happy, oh I will say though that throughout the pregnancy he’d be glowing (like you know how people will tell someone who’s pregnant “omg you’re glowing!!!!” yeah he basically matches his s/o that way)

Harding: before he’d let himself celebrate, Harding would check his s/o himself to confirm they’re pregnant because he trusts his staff but with something as big as HAVING A CHILD he would want to be 100% certain because if somehow they weren’t actually pregnant the “loss” of the child would be too much for him (but also he’d be like “well now we just have to actually get you pregnant” aka lots of sex). Once confirmed he’d be extremely excited, probably buying “Baby’s First Surgery Kit” (if those exist idk I made it up)

Chandler: ok he’d fuck them first of all to celebrate, because the fact that he got his s/o pregnant is just insanely empowering to him and where does this power go? To his head (not that one, the other one). After that he’d actually be kinda nervous about being a father because he’s doesn’t exactly fit the “average dad” stereotype so it would worry him but his s/o would reassure him and after that he’d be very attentive to his s/o and also a great dad

Big Boss: “are ya sure? are ya DAMN sure? don’t tell me I’m gonna be a dad if ya aren’t fucking certain” again, super excited, but also is like Harding in the sense that he’d want the results triple checked. Probably would buy the baby a tiny cowboy hat

Manuel: lol okay so I have a wip that involves this sorta (not pregnancy, but his feelings towards pregnancy) so, going by that, he’d be thrilled and would ensure that his s/o is treated like a god

Edelweiss: like Harding, he’d want to see for himself, but, unlike Harding, it’d be because he just wants to watch the baby doing it’s thing, living it’s best life in the womb (this happens throughout the pregnancy, gets to the point where s/o brings something to do while Edelweiss watches the baby for hours on end via ultrasound)

Dick: *see robert* screaming, shaking, sobbing (good)

Arden: he’d pass out. Don’t get me wrong, when he wakes up he’s celebrating 1000%, but yeah he’d pass out

Dunlop: *see Otto/Doc/Robert* listen… a lot of the boys are very emotional and loving, it’s not my fault they’d react similarly they just really really love their s/o

Boris: *see robert* but like ten times that, I mean my welsh (? I think that’s correct) boy is so emotional and sensitive (I don’t say that bad btw!!!! it’s v good fuck toxic masculinity)

Armand: I feel like he’d initially be like “fuck I can’t do this I’m not gonna be a good dad” (he wouldn’t abandon his s/o or anything he’d just have doubts about himself as a parent at first) again s/o would reassure him, though he’d still be nervous about it until the baby is born, after seeing them for the first time he’d just fall right into the role of Chief Inspector Dad

Oswald: same as Robert, but before he’s happy sobbing he is sad/scared/guilty/disgusted-with-himself sobbing because he’s like “how could this perfect angel ever want to have a child with me?” but his s/o kisses away his tears and reassures him they want this child until he believes it (credit: @chrism02)

Andres: already knows, don’t know how but he does, has a room already set up as the nursery (and a room in the nearby hospital’s maternity ward on reserve for the next nine months, seriously no one is going to be in that room as a patient until his s/o goes into labor)

Diego: literally just super joyful laughing, hugging his s/o (maybe a little too) tight, also his mother would be so caring??? idk why I get that vibe from him that his mother would be like that, but yeah she’d be making his s/o so much food and giving them Diego’s old toys/other baby stuff

Maxim: literally anytime @Chrism02 has written Maxim finding out his s/o (the reader) is pregnant is his Canon™️ response imo

Hank: overwhelmed with a million emotions (he’s a politician, a pregnancy can be both good and bad for both his career and his personal life), but the prevailing emotion is joy (and he definitely flaunts his pregnant s/o in the public eye, he’s just like “hey this is my baby and there’s a baby in my baby it’s my double baby, my baby-baby, my baby squared”)

Frank: despite his affinity for objectification (aka his “sex toy” kink), Frank is also very domestic and loving, so he’d be over the moon about his s/o being pregnant! Literally just holds them as close as possible until his s/o finally has to pry him off of them

[multi-lefaiye]

kennedy playlist essay

ok here we go, gamers

so the kennedy playlist isn't long. it's one of my shortest playlists. but i wanted to explain every song in it <3 some of these explanations will be redacted for spoiler reasons. anyway.

for each song i'll explain why it's in there, and then share some of my favorite/most fitting lyrics.

so i'm just gonna go in order <3 starting under the cut!

fire - kimya dawson

so this song just really vibes with the themes i have planned for kennedy, centering around like. forcing down your depression and pain in the face of all the darkness in the world. kennedy is the kind of person who wants to spread light and joy, but he very much struggles to accept any of that for himself. half the reason he runs an advice blog is because he wants to help others more than anything else, but he doesn't think he deserves the same in kind.

this is further exacerbated by the problems mounting in kennedy's hometown, which are just a small snapshot of much larger issues. i also think this song works well with kennedy's growing bitterness and anger, especially towards those in power who are abandoning the people under their care! something something direct comparisons between kennedy fighting to care for their younger brother vs politicians abandoning their people! it's a lot.

the lyrics i want to highlight:

My heart will stop if I put out the fire As long as I'm burning I'll keep on yearning To save the world Not sure how but I'm learning

my mom - kimya dawson

this song i take a bit less literally in terms of what it's actually meant to be about, but i relate this song so so much to kennedy's family. the first verse is literally just kennedy's terror at losing owen, the only family he has left and the one person he would die to protect.

i also actually still haven't decided what happened to their parents, but their parents are gone. kennedy is the only adult left in this household and they never processed their grief. and they're going to do everything they can for their brother. owen won't go through the same pain kennedy is. not if they have anything to say about it.

also the imagery just vibes with some plans i have for later.

the lyrics i want to highlight:

All the people's mouths are moving All you hear are car alarms And you wake up and start to cry I will lose my shit if even one more person I know dies So please don't die

runs in the family - amanda palmer

this one i don't have a lot in mind for deep analysis for, but yeah kennedy has a lot of mental health issues they are straight up not receiving any care or support for. it's killing them, but they won't take care of themself the way they take care of others if it means they have to *stop* taking care of those around them.

not to say that no one is trying, but kennedy is determinedly like "no i'm fine, other people have it worse, and there are bigger issues than me."

the lyrics i want to highlight:

My friend's depressed, she's a wreck, she's a mess They've done all sorts of tests and they guess it has something to do With her grandmother's grandfather's grandmother Civil war soldiers who prob'ly infected her

the daughter of the fish and the ram - the scary jokes

so this is kind of a funky weird song, but i relate it to kennedy's self-image issues. this isn't something that's going to be obvious b/c kennedy doesn't dwell on it, but yeah. they do not like themself. like i think in a different story, kennedy's arc would center a lot around learning to accept and love himself. unfortunately, though, that's not the world he lives in.

i actually was thinking about like. writing a different/au story with kennedy going on that arc. we'll see though! but yeah for a variety of reasons, kennedy feels like a fundamentally broken person and that's just. how it is.

the lyrics i want to highlight:

"Sadly, you were doomed from the start There's an incurable longing in your heart And not even magic Can fix that"

the spine song - cake bake betty

i would explain this one in a bit more depth, but uh. well. you see. it's mostly vibes. and a little bit Spoilers. but this relates very much to kennedy towards the end of his arc, when he's hopeless and anguished.

the lyrics i want to highlight (b/c i know they'll make at least bat scream):

On your birthday you woke up The snow was on the ground You opened books and peeked inside They kissed you on your crown

a deer mistaking candles for headlights - crywank

so i relate this song a lot to kennedy's relationship to some of his friends. i have a whole list of them and little blurbs about their relationships saved in my personal server. i think this especially relates to his friend franklin, who he'll refer to as 'turtle' at first on his blog. (kennedy uses fake names for everyone to protect their privacy.)

so i'll say right now. romance is not the endgame for kennedy's canon storyline. BUT i do love the tragedy of "maybe in another time, in another place, we could've been beautiful." and that's kinda how i sum up franklin and kennedy in my mind.

i won't go into it more than that rn though <3

the lyrics i want to highlight:

Does the blank stare scare you more than the frown? Am I the reason that you feel down? Distant but rational, bringer of rage To get to a level where I will engage

ghost story - charming disaster

franklin and kennedy <3 i won't say anything else because if i do i'm gonna start tearing up.

i'm just gonna highlight these lyrics:

Since the day they told me he was gone Haunts me faithfully from dusk till dawn Hear him whisper sweetly in my ear Can’t you see we got a good thing here

a complete list of fears ages 5-28 - the yellow dress

this one's pretty straightforward. kennedy has been through a Lot they don't talk about, and they've had a lot to be afraid of in their life. at heart, kennedy is an anxious, stressed person, struggling to keep a tight lid on that anxiety. however. lately, most of kennedy's fears relate to owen.

will owen be safe? will owen be happy? will owen have enough to eat? if anything happens to kennedy, what happens to owen?

kennedy is terrified he won't be able to protect and care for his brother, and that impacts everything he does. he'd do anything for owen, and that's a big driving force for him.

also yeah i know this song is more about romance but it's my house and this is about someone providing for and being terrified that something might happen to their younger sibling <3

the lyrics i wanna highlight:

And here's a picture of the house I'd like to build for us someday This may seem unrealistic, I'm not very good with my hands If we had to we could buy it, or keep renting like we do Borrow money from our parents, pool our money me and you

never love an anchor - the crane wives

well if i explain this one in any depth i'll be spoiling the climax for kennedy's arc won't i-

i'll just say. kennedy would never willingly leave owen behind or abandon him. that's just not in the cards. but uh. well. sometimes you don't always get a choice.

anyway highlighting these lyrics:

There are times where I still wonder about you You are someone I have loved but never known And you’ll never see the reasons I had For keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you

we will commit wolf murder - of montreal

so i relate this song a lot to like. kennedy's outlook and attitude towards humanity as a whole and the people around him. because kennedy sees the darkness in the world, all the pain and suffering people are forced through. and it kills him, because at heart he believes humanity *is* inherently good.

i heard a quote once, idk where it's from, but it was like. "you love humanity so much that you hate them for what they do to each other." that's a big vibe with kennedy as a character. i do want there to be a lot of hope in this story, even amid the hopelessness. because, yes, the world has terrible people in it, but it also has so so many good people. that's something kennedy wholeheartedly believes in.

anyway <3 highlighting these lyrics:

I tried to understand his logic But there's just no pattern there No sympathetic voices anywhere There's blood in my hair

angel eyes and basketball - foot ox

once again i relate this song a lot to kennedy's hope for the world around him, and his belief that things can and will get better--we just need to work for them to happen. the same goes for people--people can and will get better, but that requires effort. it also requires community: no one person can change things for the better without help or without cooperation. and that's what kennedy strives for.

also the imagery in the first few lines makes me think so much of [redacted for spoilers].

lyrics to highlight:

And you have to believe me when I say I understand that no one around here seems to understand But you have got to make an effort Yeah you have got to make an effort

community gardens - the scary jokes & louie zong

so apparently this song may be part of a larger storyline? i'm taking it out of context, though.

but anyway <3 this relates pretty directly to the themes in kennedy's story relating to the environment and the local politics of that. like the lines i'm highlighting i relate very directly to how things get worse and worse due to [redacted] [redacted] [redacted]

highlighting thees lyrics:

The culmination of man's mistakes came the day The sun ran so hot, it turned the desert to glass If there's something to be learned from all these losers It's that the price that you pay For arrogance and a false sense of immunity Is to face the wrath of a dying star

es - crying

i relate this song a lot to kennedy feeling like an outcast among people, even among those he's closest to. he has friends and he has people he loves, but is he *really* part of the group? also this feels like a very trans song to me for reasons that idk how to explain rn, so i associate it with a lot of trans characters. kennedy is certainly Trans Of Gender. do i have anything to back that up? not off the top of my head. but here we go.

i do also wanna go ahead and say that i very much recognize that this song draws on at least the lead singer's experiences as an east asian person (tentatively saying person b/c i'm not actually sure on their gender and finding conflicting sources), and kennedy as a white character is not going to reflect a lot of those experiences. however, i think this song still vibes with him in a lot of ways.

anyway the lyrics i want to highlight:

Mom doesn't think I fit into the darling archetype But that's an ancient pair of jeans And my thighs are crafted holy rolling thunder Forget the numbers, forget the numbers please

my r - specifically the lollia cover

SO HERE WE ARE. THIS SONG. god this song. big big cw for suicide if you're not familiar with it.

so this song is essentially about a suicidal girl trying to talk other people out of suicide. and y'know what. that vibes with kennedy. he is suffering but has devoted himself entirely to helping others who are suffering, while not accepting any of that help for himself. and WELL if i keep going i'll get into spoilers <3

so anyway here's the lyrics i'm highlighting:

And like that, there was someone every day I listened to their tale I made them turn away And yet there was no one who would do this for me No way I could let out all this pain

st bernard - lincoln

i mean this is truly the angsty blorbo song of all time. very multipurpose.

so i tie this song a little bit into some of the more. for lack of a better term. the bummer themes in kennedy's storyline. because while i want this story to be very hopeful in a lot of ways, it's also a bummer. specifically the idea that like... kennedy is full of love and hope and light, but ultimately he's just one person, and one person can't stop all the problems in the world. this is something that weighs on them quite a bit.

and yeah i also think a lot about like. ghgh i wanna talk about The Ending but i can't </3 spoilers </3 but i will say the ending is going to intentionally be very ambiguous. and i'm just gonna... highlight some lyrics for it.

Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you But he's got his own things to deal with There's really just one thing that we have in common: Neither of us will be missed

[bluedalahorse]

Does anyone else ever post their unfinished fic excerpts?

I was talking to @frogprincesnowglobe about unfinished fics from like, Fall/Winter 2021 last night, and then I showed her a little bit, and then she peer pressured me to post an excerpt. And I was feeling brave. SO I AM GONNA POST IT.

Some notes as to how this all came to be:

In summer/fall 2021 I’d just seen YR and it took over my brain. Because I’d been exposed to a lot of verse novels at grad school, I decided to write a fanfic in verse where Sara dates August with the purpose of going “undercover” and getting revenge on him. But these are teenagers so also some ~complicated feelings~ happen along the way. But also, there is a kind of revenge. I do love a good revenge narrative.

The fic I mentioned above Sara’s POV (and I did finish it and post it) but then I decided to do like a B side fic from August’s POV? That’s what this excerpt comes from. It’s in prose, because I also have been known to write prose.

Even right after season 1 finished, I was fairly certain that Sara and August were going to have some sort of romantic relationship in season 2 and he was going to fall in love with her and be absolutely swooning all over her in an unexpected way, so I kept trying to write that out to see exactly how it would play out. In the scene I’m posting below, she has just dumped him, and it’s totally upended his emotional world and he is very sad.

Eventually this fic was supposed to culminate in August turning himself in, though it wasn’t being dumped by Sara that was going to cause him to do that, at least not on its own. There were going to be Many Factors involved.

August griping about his stepdad is never not amusing to me.

Another plot point in this fic is that once upon a time, August’s mom and the queen had a secret sapphic relationship when they were teen girls at Hillerska. And now that’s all coming to the surface as the family tries to contain the scandal of the video and everything.

Anyway, I find this snippet of fic to be a SUPER interesting relic of like, my interpretation of August as a character right after I saw the show, possibly before season 2 was even announced. No, I don’t know why he’s the easiest character for me to write. He always has been, though.

Anyway. There’s not enough of the fic to make it an AO3 one shot and some of the canon is now contradicted anyway. I’m going to put the snippet behind a cut, because it’s long and because I know not everyone’s personal choice is to read August POV. That’s valid! But it’s here if you’re interested in reading more/seeing a glimpse of how I wrote before I de-lurked in the fandom.

After Sara leaves, August is a silent, seismic column of anger. First, he texts her. His messages plead, then compliment, then insult. No response arrives. For hours August paces through the hallways of the house, drawing power through its aging frame, until he’s hot like an overcharged battery. He dreams up every kind of revenge he can imagine: rumors he could spread about secrets Sara never told him, crude nicknames based on things they never did together, photos of her he could leak online that he never took. Except, none of it is based on the truth. Not like the actual truth of what he did to her brother. Anything he does, anything he says, she can throw that back at him by telling everyone about the video and turn him in. She probably will, soon. Or she’ll try.

And then August will have to tell everyone about Simon selling the drugs. 

And then Sara will hate him even more.

The energy builds and builds inside of him, sparking like Tesla coils, but it has nowhere to go. All his answers to questions from Mamma and Rickard are one, two, three terse words. More like growls. He rips up old math tests as he clears out his school bag, and doesn’t care, smashes glass bottles as he takes out the recycling, and doesn’t care. He runs and runs and runs until he’s sure he’s done something to his knee but he keeps running anyway. Then on the final day of the long weekend he’s packing to go back to school, cleaning his toiletries out of the bathroom. It’s there that he finds a cluster of Sara’s hair elastics tied together with a ribbon in Hillerska red, and starts to cry.

He hasn’t cried for over a year. The crying is sudden and violent and convulsive, battering his entire body, forcing him to double over, to brace his hand against the wall for support. There are no single, silent, stoic teardrops. August can’t stand upright anymore, and he can’t touch enough of his face that he stops it from happening, so he sinks to the bathroom floor and lets it happen to him. On the other side of the wall he probably sounds just like his Pappa used to.

The real truth, one of a series of truths: he doesn’t want to hurt Sara. He’s thought of a thousand ways he could, but he won’t, because he loves how insistent she is that animals are better than people, loves how fussy she gets over table settings. He loves the few times they’ve shown one another childhood memories, like rough unfinished rocks, and the way they found beauty in the roughness without trying to polish everything over into meaningless crystal platitudes. He even loves Sara’s nobility—a new kind—nobility that has nothing to do with her birth, that instead erupted in the fierce defense of her brother and friends that ended things between them.

So August cries about Sara, because he already misses her, and underneath that he misses Pappa and Erik too, so he cries for them the way he hasn’t, yet. He cries for his mother, for all the pain she carries and hides every day. August cries for Wilhelm, because he understands now what it’s like to have a person you didn’t expect to feel so much for. He and Wille could have been friends, helped each other through this, joked about both falling hard and fast for Hillerska’s working class misfit siblings and how did they manage to coordinate that? Except that the timeline doesn’t work out, and Wille and Simon can’t be together because of what August himself did, and it can’t work because of what August believes to be true about the order of the world. At one point, August tries to tell himself that it’s Simon and Felice’s fault that everything is his fault, that it’s their fault that he leaked the video and spent last term being a dick, except, that isn’t true either. So he cries for himself, and what he’s let himself become.

He’s still crying when his mother finds him and sits down at his side. He’s too big for her to rock but she rocks him anyway, calls him mitt barn in a way he can’t remember her doing before. But she must have done it once, because something about it feels familiar. Mamma takes the hair ties out of August’s hand, gently. She looks at them with understanding before pressing them back into his palm.

“You really love her, don’t you?” Mamma says.

August nods against his mother’s shoulder, surprised and grateful that she knows to use the present tense. He thinks he’ll just leave it at that, and not say anything more, until his thoughts escape him just like the tears did.

“I don’t know why I feel something so grown up,” he says, “But now I’m acting like a bratty little kid about it. This crying is stupid. It all hurts and it’s so stupid.”

“You’re not even twenty yet.” Mamma lifts his chin and looks him in the eye. “That’s what it’s like at your age.” As he looks away, she adds, “That’s what it was like for me, too.”

“Does it stop?” August asks.

“Not really.” Mamma squeezes around his shoulders. “You’ll learn to push it down so it doesn’t bother you. And you’ll meet other people after high school, I promise.”

She looks up at the door, where Rickard is standing with a glass of water. How long has he been standing there, August wonders? Ordinarily August would glare or yell, but the inside of his mouth and his throat feel like cracked dry earth, so he takes the glass when his stepfather offers it to him.

Everything is surreal and quiet for a moment as August drinks. When the glass is empty, Mamma asks if he’s finished packing for Hillerska, and reminds him that he’ll need to go to bed early so they can be on the road before there’s too much traffic.

“Don’t make me go back to school,” he says. “Please. Not tomorrow, anyway.”

“You’ll be fine.” Something about his request is upsetting his mother. “You need school. You’ve never missed a day in your life.”

“Why not let him, if it’s just this once?” says Rickard, as if he belonged in this conversation at all.

“There’s a practical concern,” says Mamma. “I won’t be able to drive him back after tomorrow. My schedule’s tied up until—but maybe if I move things around I could—”

“I can take him.” Rickard nods toward August. “If that’s alright with you?”

“That’s fine,” August says.

Mamma looks back and forth between the two of them, bewildered. August thinks it shouldn’t be that hard for her to understand: if he’s going to be a miserable mess anyway, he may as well be stuck in a car with boring Rickard for a few hours.

Two days later, that’s exactly where they are. Rickard keeps his eyes on the road while August stares out the window, not even bothering to focus on the landscape. The trees and fields are so monotonous it’s easy to slip out of the world entirely, to let one’s mind go blank and detach from one’s body. Every time August notices it happening, he wonders if that’s what happened to Erik: no thoughts, only metal and fuel and velocity and oblivion.

“I promise I’m not trying to replace your father,” Rickard says, interrupting August’s imagination. “But if you need to talk to anyone about what happened with Sara—”

“No.”

“I thought so. In that case, I promise not to put on a breakup playlist. Though I did search for you. They had some inspired options on Spotify.”

“No.” A fucking breakup playlist, what the fuck. “You’re so annoying.”

“At least I’m consistent.”

August hates how in a way, the consistency helps.

The atmosphere in the car changes as they hit familiar stretches of evergreen forest and turns in the road that August recognizes. Soon the austere stones of Hillerska are visible between tree branches and, in spite of everything, August feels a surge of—not power, but possibility and control, at least. It’s like Mamma says: you need school. Even if he has to see Sara there. If August sticks to a schedule, attends all his classes, stays on top of his prefect duties, keeps playing the model student that the crown wants him to be, well. If he does all that and makes it through graduation, maybe he’ll finally be able to put everything behind him.

At school, August can put his armor back on.

He just can’t pretend that the armor is his skin anymore.

[indigo474]

March 3rd 2024

I had a challenging week. sometimes I am the funky energy in the room. I usually deal with the stupidity going on around me pretty well. this week I had a few moments where I really wanted to tell people about themselves. Not my job, not my job. I have a few reps who are constantly testing me. I had to write a review for my ghetto rep- not an easy thing to do. it took me all week to write it. I think I was more than fair and I probably could have banged her on more than I did. She showed me a picture of her boyfriends dick in a cage-he likes to cheat on her and putting his dick in a cage is her solution. she says she wants to leave but her begs and pleads and the cycle continues.

X went to Maddy's job- asked if she worked there- told the cashier how he hasn't spoken to her in years- this gets me angry. another one who I would love to tell them about themselves- I never never would- I have nothing to say but really? this is what we are doing? sympathy from strangers? not normal behavior - he could easily text her. if he was being sincere he would text her- he's looking for a reaction. I'm not completely shocked.. people like him don't change.

i had a dream this week my grand-mom and Michael were in it- X was in it too but he walked out the door in the very beginning. Michael was telling my g mom if he wasn't home by such and such date he would be home by 4th of July. My gmom was getting ready to go get gas with a friend. I asked her why she was going to get gas and she said I can't believe you would tell me not to go out- I said I'm not telling you to not go out I think its funny you are only going to get gas why don't you stop and get something to eat while your out. .. it was nice to see them both. Michael has been on my mind a lot lately.. every so often I start seeing his birthday everywhere... in my head this means he is thinking of me too and I have a feeling he is seeing my birthday numbers too- I decide to watch a movie yesterday and took forever to pick one out and 10 minutes in, its clear its a movie about loss- a son dies- I had to turn it off. I kept thinking of Michael when he was a little boy with his skinny arms and legs and his crooked teeth.

I had a hard workout on thursday- James says 1.it IS a hard workout and 2. it had been a week since I last lifted- everything felt hard this week-everything. Dead lifts 200x5x3. we talked a little about my goal weight- i'm not there yet but I guess its more of a body fat % thing. the cut continues. the highlight of my week was seeing Kika. she is so great. she doesn't leave my side- I have to tell her to go away so I can work. I didn't run on Friday- I usually do but I work up sore and decided to listen to my body. I'm gonna run this morning. I read a little more of the Gita- its interesting- so much talk about being born again and again- path of light, path of dark... people spend there lives studying this book. the goal in this life is to not come back to Earth- it talks of other planets- heaven and hell- there is a verse that talks about the 3rd eye- OM- I have a feeling I am coming back for more suffering..I could very well be wrong. suffering is literally a state of mind-

[beintertwined]

Hey, it's been a long time no see~

When I am writing this, the sun outside there is so warm. A lot of people around me. They're with their partner, friends, families, so much smile that they gave to each other. I was like that. Glad if they can still enjoy the life under the sunshine.

I am also watching a Youtube like art vlog. I am as an artist feel the same when painting, there's emotion that we can't talk with our mouth, or it's not enough to show with our eyes by crying, or not fair to keep it in our heart. So, painting is the solution, even though in the process always feel painful too because it's not easy. I used to expecting something when painting, so when it's out of what I imagined, the more frustated I feel.

These days, I was to focus to prepare things. I had deutsch course, work, focus to family, to pay the bills, and others. I was feeling those things I did were too much. I even had to sacrifice more than I could. But people gonna say, "God will never give problems out of your ability to hold it, to solve it". For me, it became more testing me, more annoying, more painful. What an awesome pain.

I was wishing if I could have four brains, eight hands, and maybe 4 mouths too. I was wishing I am heartless and always ignore things around me who distracting me and never care about me. Sometimes I ask to myself, why I do care about those human when they never even care about me.

Yeah, this kind of thought leads me to the dark room again. The room where I feel I am the only human that can choose to stay or to leave. Depends.

I want to say, how much I hate this room, how much I want to escape but I never feel there's any hand gonna help me, gonna pull me out. Things getting more pushing me to that darkness, hugged by the feelings of unrecognized by the surroundings.

I feel I live with the hardest way to breath, even my bones feel the hurt. Continously.

I don't know how to stop, I don't know how to run away from this.

I'm tired to get validation if there's any human love me or care about me.

I'm the human who even never want to be exist in this verse.

I wanna say deeply sorry to myself.

[pudswrites]

the psychiatrist

it always begins the same way.

"what do you study?"

"psychology with spanish"

"ah, that's an interesting mix. i can't learn languages."

i respond to this with a smile, feeling my body's awkward positioning in the chair.

"i'm gonna ask you a couple questions that may make you slightly uncomfortable, is that ok?"

i nod and reassure them. what they don't realise is i've done this dance a thousand times and know the moves and music off by heart now.

"have you ever self harmed?"

"yes"

"where, and how?"

as if its relevant.

"when was the last time you self harmed?"

it feels almost like personal interest at this point. i admit, i am an addict, but it feels demeaning and i am so tired of these appointments.

"are you suicidal?"

"no."

"have you ever considered or attempted suicide?"

this time i lie. i don't have the energy to take the other path today.

"no."

they write a couple notes down whilst i listen to the clock tick in the background, feeling very aware of old wounds and distant noises.

"i am going to ask you a few questions about your childhood now, if that's ok? what was it like?"

truth is, i don't remember but i have my script prepared. i will discuss that my dad was a drinker and my mum was shut off. i will touch on the way i raised my siblings and hint at the flashbacks i now endure, a test at their knowledge level. i run through the isolation and the traumas as if i'm rattling off tomorrow's shopping list.

"they tried their best," i am told, a look of pity in their eyes. "i am sorry that happened to you."

"i know," i say.

"were you ever sexually abused?"

i shake my head.

i truly cannot see the point of this game anymore. truth is, i know what's going on in my head. i've read the studies and done the work, i know i have autism, adhd, ptsd, osdd, with a side of anxiety. i have pots and likely ehlers danlos. it's a combo that is common together and observed in many people, one that had been researched too, one i have researched. but i know if i dare to mention any of this i shall be looked down upon, struck with accusations of self diagnosed and questions worded to inform me that "that's quite a big word," questioning how i came upon it. psychiatrists love to feel like the smartest in the room and don't dare to consider that i have likely read and referenced more papers on these conditions than they realise exists, i have sat in the rooms and been told blatant misinformation about these disorders, and i live every day navigating the world as a disabled person. i handle the pitying remarks and the infantilising, the fakeclaims and the trauma responses. i am so well versed in how all of this works and how it's treated that most often i am the one teaching the health professional rather than the other way round. this is the reality i live 24/7, not just a window i peer into when a client walks through the door.

truth is, i'm sick of feeling like a specimen. someone to be examined but never actually understood. i am tired of getting letters through the door reminding me of yet another appointment i never asked for. i am tired, of the fainting. the pain, the switches, the meltdowns, the work. truth is i don't know who i am most days and the people who i'm supposed to be closest with are the people who caused it. truth is? it all feels pointless and i don't know where to step from here.

"so, how do you think i can help you?"

first time i heard this i was confused. surely you're supposed to tell me. i fought for counselling, advice, anything. nowadays i have no real answer. counselling involves me teaching once again, just to be told i'm very mature for my age and seem very self observant. it seems as though the only person who can help me any longer is myself.

this wasn't supposed to be me, this was never supposed to be me.

i am just so, so tired.

i don't wanna do this any more.

[writermuses]

1, 28, 33, 34 (jack, caleb, hannelore and jasleen from muse number)

From this meme (and this meme under the cut)

Jack

1. What’s their full name? Jack Sawyer Kaplan (it’s his mother’s maiden name and his brother is Jake Sawyer Kaplan)

28. What are they afraid of? Dying without his family’s forgiveness

33. When confronted with danger, how would they react? Face it head on, in stoic grumpy silence

34. What is their motto or a quote that Inspires them? “Find what you love and let it kill you.”— Charles Bukowski (It’s the quote that chose him, not the quote he chose)

Caleb

1. What’s their full name? Caleb Ethan Cartwright

28. What are they afraid of? Burning in Hell? Disappointing the family.

33. When confronted with danger, how would they react? Runs to it like a loon. He’s a helper.

34. What is their motto or a quote that Inspires them? “The people who uphold justice, who always do what is right, are truly happy!” (Yeah, it’s a Bible verse. Homeboy is hella Catholic)

Hannelore

1. What’s their full name? Hannelore Elise Winter

28. What are they afraid of? Spiders, open water, ghosts

33. When confronted with danger, how would they react? Hide behind bigger person or run away screaming... unless there’s a kid in danger

34. What is their motto or a quote that Inspires them? “All humans make mistakes. What determine a person’s character aren’t the mistakes we make. It is how we take those mistakes and turn them into lessons rather than excuses.”

Jasleen

1. What’s their full name? Jasleen Priya Kumar (and she literally tells no one that so 😛 )

28. What are they afraid of? Attachments

33. When confronted with danger, how would they react? When faced with attachments she will BOLT in the other direction

34. What is their motto or a quote that Inspires them? “Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.”

Jack

1. What’s currently a fantasy you’re really into? Public sex acts (hence the starter)

28. How do you feel about pain, either giving or receiving? He’s okay with both to some degree

33. How far out does your cnc kink extend? Fine with it for a long term partner (I won’t write it)

34. Have you ever done anything with knife play? He’ll cut clothes off of someone with zero qualms

Caleb

1. What’s currently a fantasy you’re really into? He’s eager to do more butt stuff with Sey 😂 

28. How do you feel about pain, either giving or receiving? He’s okay with both to some degree

33. How far out does your cnc kink extend? It’s a no for him

34. Have you ever done anything with knife play? No, he’d be too worry about hurting her

Hannelore

1. What’s currently a fantasy you’re really into? Probably some sort of free use kink thing for when she’s in a submissive position, pegging/toy play if she’s in a dominant position 

28. How do you feel about pain, either giving or receiving? She’s fine with both to some degree

33. How far out does your cnc kink extend? She’s all for it (but I won’t write it)

34. Have you ever done anything with knife play? She’s definitely been with someone that held a knife to her throat after cutting her panties off, but was probably to innocent to see that was toxic and not just a two horny people doing horny things. 

Jasleen

1. What’s currently a fantasy you’re really into? Long boys testing her flexibility and stamina 🤣 

28. How do you feel about pain, either giving or receiving? She’s open to just about anything

33. How far out does your cnc kink extend? Because she’s almost exclusively in the ONS scene it’s not gonna happen. To whomever convinces her (tricks her?) into a repeat hoe-fender, then maybe (but I won’t write it)

34. Have you ever done anything with knife play? She has, she’s done a lot of kinky shit

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

AU where deltarune and undertale are merged and all the darkners are monsters. i have a TON of lore thoughts about this au that didn’t make it into drawings so, more details under the cut

-i guess biggest thing first: card castle. which didn’t get a drawing because i don’t really have any design changes i wanna make to it? but it mostly stays the same - it’s a smaller sub-kingdom inside the underground, that’s ordinarily led by four rulers. spade king staged a coup and now he has designs on the throne of the entire underground, because he’s of the opinion that asgore’s too wishy-washy and not fit to rule.

-spade king wants the human SOULs to make himself strong enough to defeat asgore, because he knows right now he’s definitely not gonna beat him in a fair fight

-gaster built queen alongside the CORE. he intended for her to be sort of a backup emergency system, storing all the data on how to keep things running in case anything ever happened to him. he didn’t ever intend for her to be placed in charge of it full-time, but then, he never envisioned a whole city springing up around his creation either. or getting erased from spacetime. funny how life happens sometimes, isn’t it?

-queen actually couldn’t care less about breaking the barirer. as the personification of the CORE, she physically can’t leave the immediate area of cyber city anyway, so she has no real incentive to help asgore collect souls. however, she DOES care a lot about alphys, who has taken over helping her keep the CORE running, and has noticed that she’s been... quiet, lately. like something’s weighing on her she doesn’t want to talk about. queen wants to give her some new test subjects to help cheer her up! (this absolutely will not cheer her up)

-berdly is alphys’ intern, which really means he gets shoved off onto queen most of the time, because alphys is too nervous to handle instructing a whole person even when she’s not also covering up a massive science disaster in her basement. to her credit, queen handles the annoying little nerd pretty well.

-alphys building mettaton’s body and all still happens in this ‘verse. queen’s well aware mettaton’s a poser and not a real AI, but she’s not going to say anything about it yet

-mettaton has no real interest in the management side of stardom, and alphys is too anxious to handle the people stuff even if she did have the time, so he rolled over to the storefront side of cyber city and picked up an addison that wasn’t doing anything because they live for this kinda stuff, right?

-and somehow managed to pick up The Worst One.

-the brand really shouldn’t be doing as well as it is considering who’s in charge of it, but somehow things seem to be working out okay? things are selling, the ads are working, people are showing up to performances, so probably best to just... let spamton keep doing whatever it is he’s doing?

-also mettaton would never admit it but he’s kind of got a soft spot for the little dude. he knows exactly how it feels growing distant from your family once you finally get the fame you’ve been chasing, after all

-the holidays live in snowdin, of course! mrs. holiday isn’t the mayor, but she IS very involved in local organizing and hosts a lot of get-togethers. noelle helps out at the library.

-rudy... was handed over to the royal scientist for experimental treatment once it became clear the local hospital wasn’t enough, and they haven’t seen him since. noelle would really, really like to see her dad, but she knows that it’s probably important not to disturb doctor alphys or the other patients. she can wait! it’s fine!

-in the meantime, she’s been sneaking over to waterfall a lot. it’s quiet and peaceful there, and she used to come here with her dad a lot, whispering into echo flowers and making them “talk” to each other. it’s a nice place for her to get away when everything feels like too much

-also, waterfall has susie in it!

-susie is a swamp monster who lives in the swamp. this just felt right.

-after some initial confusion/fright (on noelle’s part) and hostility (on susie’s part), they slowly warmed up to each other. susie’s brash, reckless nature is kind of a balm for noelle’s soul, when she really wishes she could just get up on the roof and scream at the universe that nothing is FAIR. and susie REALLY likes it when she can get noelle to come out of her shell a little and do crazy things with her. who knew this adorable deer girl had such a loud side!

[harrysgoldenline]

Hi lovie 🧡 First of all, let me just say how wonderfully amazing your writing style is. It truly takes my breath away. Keep on writing because this fandom (Harries) needs brilliant people like you to reenact our fantasies. Secondly, I saw that you were asking for requests, so I've got one for you: could you please write something (either a one shot or series) based on friends to lovers trope, where Harry's in love with his friend who's also a poet. It would be marvelous if some scenes took place in Japan, if that's possible. Once again, thank you for your work. Wish you all the best 💐

OMG YOU ARE SO SWEET!!! that is literally the sweetest thing in the whole world. thank you so much love, genuinely. 

Comments are always highly encouraged and appreciated! I love seeing what you guys think of the writing!

Support me and my writing here!

Writing with You

“Y/N, you’re finally here!” You heard Harry exclaim and you drop your bags as you seem him run towards you, literally sweeping you off your feet and spinning you around his rental home.

He had been beginning you to come and visit him and Japan and you could only use work as an excuse for so long until he came up with an elaborate plan, now here you were. 


After a few moments, he sets you back down on your feet, a massive smile on your face as he looks deep into your eyes, “I’m so fuckin’ glad you’re here.” he beamed, reaching down and grabbing your bags and cocking his head to the side as he lead you through the house, “Your room is right across from mine, if that’s alright. If I snore too loud just come in and hit me with a pillow.”

“Happily.” You laughed, giggling up at him as you followed him throughout the home, taking in the space around you, admiring his small touches he added to the rental home, “What have you been up to lately? Anything exciting?”

“Oh, you know just living the rock star life” He winked, setting your suitcase on the bed before laying down on it, extending his arms and making grabby hands at you until you lay next to him, which you happily do, “I’ve been sleeping in, writing, recording and going to bed early.”

“You are such an old man.”

“Hey!” He playfully scolded, fingers digging into your sides, “You menace! I only brought you here because I thought you would be nice to me!”

“Someones gotta keep your ego in check,” You teased, “tell the fans I say you’re welcome for the ‘arrogant son of a bitch’ lyric.”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” He chuckled, shifting his body weight and laying a bit closer, eyes looking deep into yours, faces a mere foot apart at most, “speaking of, have you been writing much lately? I’d love to pick some more out of that beautiful mind.”

“I have a bit,” you blush, sitting up a bit and digging into your backpack, flipping through the pages of your notebook, seeing if anything stands out enough to show him now, but you end up just throwing it on a nearby chair and laying back down with a yawn, “I have stuff, not sure if it’s third album worthy.”

“Oh please,” he started, furrowing his eyebrows at you, sincerity in his eyes, “you are an incredible writer, I love writing with you. I’m sure the studio tomorrow will be magic. But! You need some sleep, you’ve had a long day. Can I get you a snack or drink or anything before bed?”

You shook your head, eyes closing with another yawn and your heart sinks as you feel the weight of the bed shift as he crawls out of bed, eyes fluttering back open and you give him a tired smile .

He smirked, flipping off the switch as he reached the bedroom door, “Sweet dreams, love.”

***

“I am officially mad at you,” Harry said the second you entered back into the studio that was connected into the home that he was renting, to coffees in hand.

“What did I do?” You gasp, handing him his coffee as you plopped down next to him in the studio, taking a long sip as he shook his head at you.

He remained silent, pulling your notebook out of his back pocket and flipping through the pages, his long fingers trailing along them as you could see his lips move, silently reading them to himself. He looked back up at you, closing the notebook and handing it back to you.

“These are all incredible! What do you mean none of ‘em are good enough for the album?”

“Really?”

He smiled and nodded quickly, snatching the notebook back from you as he flipped back through the pages while drinking from his mug. Soon, he hands the open notebook back take you, swallowing the warm liquid as he tapped on the open page, a love poem on the page.

“This one…” he began, “is breathtaking. Most definitely my favorite.”

It’s about you. You wanted to say, looking up at your best friend, but instead you say, “help me finish it? I have some more ideas for lyrics but you are the musical mastermind.”

“I would love to.”

So you two worked together, hours passing as if they were minutes as you huddled together at the piano, thighs pressing together as Harry practiced different melodies, the sound of his voice calming you further.

You couldn’t help but close your eyes as you listened to his voice, humming along where he requested so he could help visualize different melodies. Drifting off into the music, you leaned your forehead against his shoulder. Harry kept playing away at the piano, stopping every few measures or so to scribble away on the sheet music, testing out different melodies and lyrics the two of you pieced together.

“I love this so far…” he whispered, looking at you quickly, “I haven’t felt this excited about a song in so long. Thank you.”

“Harry, you wrote the majority of it!” you laughed, playfully shoving him, “I just had, like, a verse and a half.”

“You inspired what I wrote!” He chuckled, glancing down at you, eyes softening, “in more ways then one.”

Your quickly help your heart beat accelerating slightly, looking up at him wide eyed as you struggled to find the words.

“I mean…” he slowly began, adjusting his body so he was fully facing you, “I mean… your words inspired me to write but… it’s also just you, Y/N… You inspire me.”

His eyes were pleading with you, gnawing on his bottom lip as his hands trembled, praying that you understood what he was saying.

“You inspire me too.”

“Did I inspire this song? Is it… about us?”

You slowly nodded, looking down at your shaking hands, “look, I understand if you don’t feel the same but-“

You were cut off with a kiss, two strong hands grabbing your face as your best friends lips crashed onto yours. You kiss back in an instant, hands coming up to his shoulders, tugging on the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Is this okay?” he asked softly against your lips and the second you nod he’s kissing you again, as if to try and make the years of waiting pay off in a single kiss.

Which he was able to accomplish.

He pulls back slightly, pressing a few soft pecks onto your lips before you two look at each other, a blush covering both of your cheeks.

“So…” he smiles, his fingers dancing over the back of your hand before intertwining your fingers, lifting your hand and kissing it, “will you be mine? Finally?

“Yes.” you smirk at him, a hand coming up to his face as you kiss his cheek before letting out a laugh, “So… you gonna give me writing credit this time?”

Harry let’s out a loud laugh, standing up at the piano bench and throwing you over his shoulder and carrying you back into the house, “I knew I love you.”

[strawberrylucv]

Hi! Can i request a modern-au albedo fluff where reader falls asleep while doing college work? You dont have to do this if you arent comfortable <33

hello!! hehe!! this albedo fluff was really fun to write~ not gonna lie i still dont know what course albedo would take in college so i just made it open. i hope you like it^^

═════════════════════════════════

Together in the library.

✦warnings: fluff fic, modern au albedo, college work, reader is gn!!

✦words: 910

═════════════════════════════════

The hardest part about being in college is the workload given to the students. And sadly, you are the said student.

With coffee running in your veins, you make an attempt to finish the piled up work your professors gave you for this week. You find a seat at the school library and arrange your workplace. As you work your brain to just answer a simple equation, you felt the table vibrate. You rummage your books to find where the vibration is coming from only to find it under all the papers and folders you placed on the table earlier. You look to your phone and give a warm smile as you answer the call. The voice that felt from your ear said-

"Y/N, Where are you?"

It was from none other than the well-known, well-versed, and very popular, Albedo from the other department. He's also your colleague, your friend...though a part of you wished for something greater.

Albedo was quite popular ever since he gained favor from the professors, he had art skills nobody in his department possessed. And to top it all of, his knowledge in researching was amazing. Albedo knew you because you shared a class, but that wasn't the cause of your friendship together to grow. Your friendship started because he saw you once in the library around 6 am. You were sleep-deprived, tiredly staring at your books, since you were still studying for a test on that day. He walked over to your table and slid a small chocolate bar beside your workplace and whispered to you to "Don't overwork yourself."

From then on, you bumped into each other a lot of times, giving opportunities for deepen your friendship, to form a bond. Now you both study together too. With time, as much as your knowledge in your subjects grew because of Albedo's help, your feelings towards him grew greater everyday. But you were already trying to seal those away. Hoping he would never find out. Because he might think that you were using him, like you were only there because he is the famous Albedo. Yet you've never seen him as this prodigy, you only saw him as Albedo himself.

"Why do you want to know, Mr. Albedo?" you tease him making you hover the phone, trying to suppress your laughter. You feel a warm hand on your shoulder.

"Because I want to." he replies,

You glance up from your seat to see his face looking down directly at your face. It's a good thing that the chair you're sitting on was low, if not then the proximity between your faces would've been too close. You could feel the warmth of your cheeks when he gave you a small smile.

"What are you cramming this time, Y/N?" he says as he pulls the chair beside you and places his folder of documents on to the table, stretching his arms when he glances back to you.

You give him a smile and tell him "I'm not cramming, this time. I just want my workload to finish so that we can go to that place you were talking about!"

"I'll help you then."

"Yes!" you exclaimed with your fist in the air, "I knew you would." Albedo just gave you a sigh but he was actually hiding a small smile.

After a couple of hours you pass out from the work you've been finishing non-stop. You were sleeping on the desk while Albedo was finishing up your last paper, he also fixed the mess you made on the desk earlier. He sees you tremble a bit so he places his jacket on you and smile at how you looked so peacefully after working so hard.

After he was done, he organized the papers through separate folders. You were still sleeping, probably enjoying your dream since you were all smiles. He felt an ache around his heart when he started thinking about if you were smiling because of a guy, and it wasn't him. But he can't tell you that since he thought that you only see him as a friend, a colleague, nothing else and nothing more.

He gently caresses the hair that was covering your face. Albedo stares at your features and now he's the one smiling dumb. He covers his mouth with the his hand but it was pretty obvious that he was still smiling. He stops playing with your hair and places the underside of his palm on his chin. Maybe if he says what he always wanted to say very quietly, you wouldn't hear him and there wouldn't be any difference to your relationship, that you wouldn't have to deal with him being awkward in confessing since you would be the first person he had feelings for.

"I like you, Y/N. I really really like you. I wish you would like me too." he whispers. His heart was beating so loud that maybe you didn't hear his confession but his thumping heart instead. He faces the other direction to calm himself down.

When he finally calmed down, he glanced to his phone and book tickets to the place you were talking about earlier ago. "Let's wake them up after 15 minutes." he tells himself.

If only he knew that you were actually awake when he started playing with your hair, that you heard his confession even if he tried his hardest being low, that you were scared since your heartbeat was coming out of your chest, that your cheeks were flooded with red. If only he knew.

Maybe he should know.