#*that's* the murder (however indirect) that damns him

[harrowscore]

the fact that steerpike almost burned to death and from then on he's been mortally afraid of fire, while fuchsia drowns... once again the fire&water/opposites motif. MR PEAKE WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. what does it all mean ??????

[mademoiselle-cookie]

Tome 8

Remember that no one forces you to read this. If you don't want to see your favorite manga being critized, block me and move on 😄

Prostitutes

The author really has a problem with women.

Jack the Ripper's victims are all (ALL) prostitutes. There is no particular reason for them to be targeted (not like in Black Butler), it's just to create fear. They are simple tools for the plan of men who don't even consider taking other targets.

The only reason is that they are easy to find. They could have been abandoned kids or sick people, it would have been even easier.

And no one points out the sexism of the situation? Even Bond?

It would be nice if we stopped using women as objects to be abused. Especially if it is not to say anything about it.

Of course, in the original story, Jack also attacks prostitutes. But we saw with the case of the Hound of Baskerville that the author doesn't give a damn, IRENE is proof that they can perfectly modify pre-existing stories. Bond is neither a trans man (?) nor a Moriarty man and even less an idiot who gets defeated by everyone.

THE FRENCH REVOLUTION is proof that they don't give a damn about historical accuracy.

What is the reaction of the prostitutes? We see that the inhabitants of Whitechapel (all males) have decided to create a militia because they do not feel safe. But what are the opinions of the sex workers? Are they afraid to go out to work? Are they resigned because they have no choice? Are they used to such horrors happening to them? The murderers say vaguely that they are afraid to go out but these are only indirect testimonies, we do not see them.

Speaking of which, isn't it a bad idea to use prostitutes as targets? They are very often victims of violence and no one will come to their defense, especially at this time. And because of their profession, they are even less respected than other poors. So it's a big gamble to use them to create fear and indignation.

In addition, the two victims were seen with different men. Didn't anyone think that the crimes had nothing to do with each other and that there was just a smart aleck trying to get noticed by communicating with the press?

Good point, the organization that created "Jack" hired someone to manipulate the press so that it would be taken seriously. But just because the press says something doesn't mean people think the same thing. (WE don't always take it seriously when the media freaks out)

The cops admit they don't give a shit about Whitechapel, why not a word about the lack of interest in prostitutes in particular?

It would even be used to make Sherlock guess that this story is fishy, ​​like: "It's horrible but murder and violence against prostitutes is pretty common, it's strange that the press would get so worked up over a jerk who could very likely take on other people's crimes."

The Lord Crime

William presented himself as the Lord of Crime for free to his enemies.

Which, I remind you, is something you do NOT do when your identity is supposed to be secret. And you don't go there with your face out in the open either.

No matter how confident you are in your abilities, you remain cautious, the unexpected can always happen. Maybe one of the fake Jack the Ripper will manage to escape or survive, maybe someone saw him and his brother and will recognize them…

Ah but that's exactly what happened!

The guy whose brain works so much that he has to sleep a lot didn't foresee that?

Jack the Ripper

The case is not closed at all, the criminal has not been captured. (Don't tell me "in reality, we didn't know who it was. It's historical respect." Because, again, I would have liked to see this respect for the French Revolution.)

However, it is this absence of a culprit that created the following mess with Chief Inspector Arterton. It is not because the innocent accused has been cleared that the inhabitants will be reassured that the murderer is potentially still at large.

Moriarty & co. could have taken advantage of this to frame someone else, a nobleman whose downfall - rather than murder - would do much to help the cause. A nobleman whose real crimes are hard to prove but whose arrest would be credible (especially if he already has a track record of corrupting officials).

And Sherlock's test wouldn't have been whether or not the people who died mysteriously in an explosion were actually the real Jack the Ripper, but on the contrary not to say that the asshole (whom he knows to be a criminal) is innocent in the only case that could put him in prison.

(It's funny that Sherlock manages to guess what happened despite the few clues, but that we don't see anything of his reasoning. Really, how did he figure it out?)

Moriarty & co vs Sherlock & co

Who remembers when I said that the men on Moriarty's side are competent while those on Sherlock's side are buffoons? Everyone I hope, I say it in every review.

Well, we have another example of this phenomenon in this volume with Lestrade and Moriarty's spy, Paterson.

One is yelling, fidgeting and using a puppet show to try to convince Sherlock to take on the Jack the Ripper case (which he already intended to do so it was useless).

The other is calm, discreet and cunning, he even seems to know Bond, the new kid on the block, pretty well. (Yet more proof that Moriarty's team has super privileged and ✨special✨ relationships with each other)

One is ridiculous, the other is classy. One is manipulated, the other manipulates. I'll let you guess who is who.

Conveniently, the spy ends up at the head of the police force at the end, even though he officially did nothing to deserve that position and doesn't seem to have the power or connections to get it (apart from his connections with Moriarty, but it's not suggested that they had a role in that).

Moriarty and Sherlock

I like their interactions. I would like to see more of them. As long as the author doesn't remind us that Sherlock is inferior, the two respond well to each other.

Speaking of which…

Sherlock's zero points

Sherlock managed to find out that Moriarty was a mathematician thanks to the golden number on a staircase. This is his very first interaction with William.

It is therefore quite implausible that he has no points in Moriarty's test, as difficult as it is.

I could have accepted it if the author had taken the opportunity to inform the reader that Sherlock has very selective knowledge. That he has an enormous memory for what is useful to him during an investigation but that he is completely ignorant of the rest. This is what allows him to have space. He can know which locksmith in London makes what type of lock but not that the Earth revolves around the Sun.

But no, it's just a joke to humiliate Sherlock and show how much less intelligent he is than William.

Talk about a credible rivalry…

[irbcallmefynn]

Tell us about your characters!

Ok this'll be fun! And very, very long.

Fynn's Dad was a blacksmith. Made weapons for whoever had money. Just so happens the army of hell has a lot of money. He had a one-off fling with a demoness, and was promptly executed. Fynn spent most of his childhood in hell, being taught Demon Magic. He was not, however, taught how to control his emotions or his hunger. Basically, if you make him upset, he'll probably eat you (and not in the vore way, like contort your body into a milkshake eat you). He magicked his mouth out of existence at a wizard convention after a freak accident involving a slight mispronunciation (the demon words for "target" and "area" are very similar, as are "directed" and "indirect"), so he's excommunicated from Wizard Society™. He can't verbally speak anymore, so he uses a mix of telepathy and "air text" to communicate (that's why his dialogue has no speech bubble). He eats by simultaneously teleporting food into his stomach and macerating it.

Nauno was, as a child, abandoned by his parents, who believed they wouldn't be able to survive, as he's rather small and weak compared to their peers. He was adopted by a band of thieves, who raised him to aid in theft (small stature, light feet, and dark feathers makes for easy breaking and entering). This led Nauno to develop Kleptomania, and even after running away (turns out a band of thieves does not make for effective parents of an Avali, their needs were not being adequately met), he continued stealing and exploiting their feminine appearance to lure in wealthy men to pickpocket.

Coincidentally, Fynn and Nauno both met Euphi at the same time in a bar (Drunk guys have a fascinating taste, and make for easy pickpocketing targets, Euphi was just kinda there). They struck up conversation, and eventually realized all three of them are fucked up in some way (Fynn for being half demon and a literal man-eater with no mouth, Nauno for being a Kleptomaniac femboy with a body count higher than they are, and Euphi for somehow finding both of these guys adorable). Fynn saw value in Nauno for bringing in victims, Nauno saw value in Fynn for dealing with misogynists (which have been problematic for them in the past), it was only natural they'd want to cooperate! Euphi was very lonely, and these were the first two in a long time she's ever felt anything special with, so they all agreed that living together would benefit everyone involved. You can call this Polycule formed!

Considering Fynn was homeless (no job, and nobody wants to rent out a place to someone who will eat them) and Nauno was also homeless (on the run from both the police and his adoptive family), Euphi was more than happy to welcome both of them into her life. She also doesn't have a job (not sure why), but heart found an abandoned house on the outskirts of The City (that's the name; The City City, located in Country). They were able to renovate the place to a livable state through a mix of stolen goods and demon energy-based electrical appliances, and now live there as a happy polycule of Murder, Prostitution, Theft, and Willful ignorance.

With this new life setup, they've also been trying to actually help each other become better at fitting in with society. Fynn never really figured out what love is, Nauno never got a formal education, and Euphi's just kinda odd. Heart does make a decent teacher for Nauno (better than nothing, at least), and Nauno's trying their best to help Fynn grasp what love is (all he can really follow is that he loves the taste of human, and loves having people that actually like him).

Euphi honestly treats Fynn and Nauno better than Heart-self, and borderline babies these two "grown" men. She lets them get away with damn near anything, only being concerned when the law could get involved. They can be a handful at times, especially when Nauno lures one of their victims home, but heart would never dare tell them to stop!

Ok... I think that's all I've got for right now. That was a lot... gave me something to do during lunch, at least!

[distort-opia]

damn that whole awareness theory takes joker's " star crossed" to another level. they truly are destined to fail. but forced to be.

can it then be said that based on the " individual" who is the joker, we can see slight variations in their relationship? like, one joker feels more strongly about a particular thing, person? if the joker knows about other jokers, he knows that his backstory is insignificant as well, when all of them turn the same and don't change who the joker is supposed to be in the end.

and what makes these " individuals" suitable for this character role? why them? what connects martha, jack's and so on? not to deepen it, however if they are characters in a story there is an inner logic to everything happening, composition and all the basic outlines are still there, as well as main ideas. just because it is meaningless to the joker because of him being stuck as a character there, it does not mean that the book he is in is not lead by some rules of storytelling. my point is, there would be some reason why jokers would be who they are beneath the make up. even if the explanation boils down to " anyone, literally anyone, can become insane, the joker, it takes one push", that is still a rule, a reason, a pattern. even that somehow shows that absurdity is subjective.

sorry for the ramble 😭😭😭😭

Between my rambles and you Anons going galaxy-brain, we've got a whole theory here :)) No need to apologize!

"Why them?" I feel like this is a question Bruce would ask, even within Universe. I do agree that outside of Joker's perception of himself and any other possible Jokers, there has to be a rhyme and reason to the story he's in -- simply by virtue of it being a story. And well, in the end, what connects all Jokers is 1) a form of trauma that shatters their world view and makes them "see the joke", and 2) Batman failing to save them from an accident, and in the process creating Joker. Depending on the alternate world/Elseworld, 2) can sometimes be just Batman's indirect involvement, which suffices to make a Joker or an unholy Joker hybrid.

Hah. Even Jokester, the Earth-3 Good Guy version of Joker, starts fighting crime because he witnesses Owlman (Batman's evil counterpart) murdering someone. So, he's still sort of birthed by Batman. And he's a "Jack", who apparently can be either a Napier or a White... Though you know who I'm deeply curious about? Bianca Steeplechase, the other female Joker from Batman: Thrillkiller (1997). How did she become the Joker? I might be misremembering, but I don't think we're ever told her origins; and she seems a lot more calculated and controlled, focused on taking over Gotham the way a criminal mastermind would. Don't think she ever had an acid fall, which is also Martha's case.

Anyway, I veered off course, but I do agree that each Joker has to have a more personal version of their story, when it comes to their transformation and relation to Batman. And it's really interesting to think about!

[innovativestruggles]

Daisuke and Suzue’s Mutual Trust - A Mini Analysis

***(Edited version with additional information re; Daisuke’s parents and Haru)***

Hey gang, so I had this nagging thought to write this awhile back and it just escalated after I watched Episode 10. So now my brain won’t leave me alone until I’ve shared this with you.

I would again, like to reiterate that only FOUR TIMES in the entire 10 episodes of FKBU so far, has Daisuke shown a soft, genuine smile. This man has been incredibly traumatised since childhood. He is apathetic, frustrated and emotionless and essentially an asshole at best. He has lost all reason to smile. The post traumatic stress sits very heavily on him.

Considering how he grew up as a happy kid, it was absolutely heartbreaking when that happiness was taken from him. So to see Daisuke show any type of soften emotion was incredibly profound. It shows a vulnerable side to him, because that side has been severely repressed. 

I don’t want to go all social workey on everyone here but I just want to explain something. In those who have experienced significant trauma, they no longer view the world as a safe place. So Daisuke’s suppressed emotions were the only way he saw fit to survive in a ‘hostile world.’ When positive emotions are expressed, it makes the trauma survivor vulnerable. How? Because in Daisuke’s case, as a child, positive emotions were associated with feeling unsafe. He grew up happily along side his parents, only to witness his father murder his mother.

So any time a trauma survivor wants to show positive emotions (be it consciously or subconsciously), they must feel safe, because it makes them vulnerable. 

The only four times Daisuke showed any sort of soft, genuine, smile-like emotion were:

When he came home. Given his unstable relationship with Grandma, I can make an educated guess that returning home was not for her or mostly for her. And we are not going to include the butler because that relationship was more professional.

Directly after this scene, Daisuke proceeded to cook for Suzue (and only her). In other words, I can take a guess that he was happy to finally return home to placate Suzue’s worries and be mostly in her company.

When he made food for Suzue. This man was so proud of himself istg ... just look at him .. but y’know, we have seen him with a proud smug face before, but this one was a soft and genuine one.

When he reassured Suzue that he will make it home alive.

When he carried Suzue in the OP

So what am I trying to say? 

They are all related to Suzue in some way or another.

Suzue made Daisuke feel safe enough to express vulnerable emotions (in this case, positive ones). Throughout the anime, the dynamics between Suzue and Daisuke were solely based on trust. Daisuke trusted Suzue with his life. He knew she will always be there for him no matter what. 

In that above scene where Daisuke reassured Suzue he will return home, Suzue, despite knowing the dangers, trusted him to follow through and keep himself alive. There was a hidden promise in the words he used and the way he said it.

Can I also add something too?

Compare the above two scenes to the two below

What do you see?

Daisuke does NOT like being touched.

Sure, Daisuke was visibly injured in the scenes with Haru, but he was not injured enough that he could no longer fight or walk on his own. What this meant was that Daisuke did not shove Suzue away or remove his hand from hers because he was not physically injured. It meant he has an immense level of trust in her. Daisuke may have initially been uncomfortable and unsure with Suzue’s actions, but he eventually allowed her to remain on him.

(Edit:) I’d like to explain the above part a little better as I realised it can get a bit confusing. Some of you may think that Daisuke pushed Haru away because he was physically weak and injured and therefore vulnerable. Which means you may also think that he did not push Suzue away or remove his hand from hers because he was not physically weak/injured at the time. 

This was not the case. Daisuke simply did not like being touched because of his trauma. How did I speculate this? Daisuke was able to fight pretty well, despite being injured, so in essence, if he truly did push Haru away because of his injuries, he should not be able to fight or function for the sake of being physically vulnerable. That would be more of a probable explanation. But instead, Daisuke was still strong enough to walk and push on, which meant the likely explanation to refusing physical assistance was: Daisuke’s trauma

Remember this. Trauma survivors do not often like being touched, particularly when they have witnessed/experienced violence as a child. They view the world as an unsafe place.

(Edit:) So in other words, it was not because of his injuries or physical vulnerable state that made Daisuke push Haru away, it was because he did not like being touched by someone who has not earned that high level of trust. If Suzue was in Haru’s place on that boat scene, Daisuke most likely would have allowed her to assist him because she has earned that high level of trust.

This does not mean Daisuke does not trust Haru. As we saw in Episode 10, Daisuke grew to respect and trust Haru. But not at the level where he was comfortable with being physically touched. That’s literally a whole new level.  (And no, a bump into the ass or brush on the shoulder does not count as proper physical touch). 

When you have been betrayed as a child, and you view the world as an awful place, the idea of ‘trust’ does not exist. You won’t understand what that means because you will think there is no point in trusting people -  they will just betray you. It’s more significant when this breach of trust occurred as a child.

So rebuilding trust for trauma survivors take a very, very long time. They have to learn to trust all over again, and even then, they may not trust just anyone. In Daisuke’s case, he ticked all the above. To have earned that level of respect where a traumatised Daisuke would trust someone with his life, Suzue must be one incredible woman. She must be so damn important to him, even though it may not be obvious all the time.

(Edit:) I’d also like to briefly add something here. There may be other significant reason for the bridal carry in the OP. It may indicate that Daisuke is indeed comfortable enough to have Suzue that (physically) close to him.

Seeing how I have seen quite a lot of anime where there are significant trauma involved as the storyline, I can definitely see the same patterns emerging with FKBU re; Daisuke’s story.

So I would like to end it on something.

In the above scene, Daisuke’s indirect way of showing he cared for Suzue was not out of the ordinary for someone who has been traumatised. There may not be a direct apology (or maybe there was behind the scenes??) we could see, but trauma greatly suppresses proper emotional development (and particularly when it happened to him as a growing child). 

So Daisuke may not fully understand the right way to make amends or how to resolve the situation. He may not even think what he did was wrong, so his way of trying to amend things (whether with an apology intended or without), was to make food for Suzue.

Needless to say that Suzue was very forgiving and so extremely patient with him. Patience, support and empathy are key to supporting trauma survivors. Fuck. The more I analyse this, the more I realise how deeply profound Daizue’s relationship is ❤️

EDIT:

Daisuke’s Parents and Haru

Someone asked me a very interesting question about Daisuke’s trauma, his father and the photo frame of his parents on his bedside table.

Without delving too much into the complexity of trauma, the likely plausible explanation would be that Daisuke still has some form of attachment and love for his father. Trauma survivors can still love the person who betrayed them, despite holding a grudge towards them at the same time. It is not an unusual/uncommon thing. This would be a lot more significant for those who experienced childhood trauma. So to me, it sounded like Daisuke loved and got along well with both his parents.

The picture on his bedside table may be a representation of what he has lost - a happy childhood, so he still kept it there, not necessarily as a reminder, but as a form of subconscious attachment he has for his parents.

Haru vs Daisuke

The same person also queried about the differing traumas between these two. Whilst it is never an appropriate thing to compare traumas, I’m happy to explain this for the sake of understanding.

Haru’s trauma occurred during a one off incident that ended up spiralling into some form of post traumatic stress. Whilst we do not know about Haru’s past, based on his personality and some tiny hints along the way, Haru most likely grew up in a relatively normal family. So Haru was able to bounce back and overcome his trauma relatively well (as we saw in Episode 10, he finally fired a gun!).

Daisuke, however, is a different story. Daisuke’s trauma is extremely complex because of the age he experienced it, and the type as well. Trauma involving close families that end up in violence and murder is one of the biggest betrayals of trust, particularly for a child. 

As I stated earlier, Daisuke no longer viewed the world as a safe place. His trauma was deeply ingrained and it shaped his emotional development and his interactions with others. If you look at Grandma and both Daisuke’s parents, you can see that they were relatively ‘normal’ in terms of emotional development. That is, you can see that they showed more varied emotions and their interactions with others were not ... weird. 

But if you compare them with adult Daisuke, it is very different. Immediately you can say that there is definitely something wrong with him. And I am not talking about how he grew up rich, because that is a separate thing. I am talking more about his emotional responses to people.

[muertawrites]

Two Halves - Chapter Seventeen (Zuko x Reader)

Chapter 16 - Part 1 - Part 2

Word Count: 2,130

Author’s Note: All I’m gonna say is that I think my exposition sucks, but here it is, the plot has returned (Alexa play Edge of Seventeen)

News of your newfound comfort with your husband sweeps silently and swiftly throughout the palace following your return from Ember Island, the sideways glances you receive from diplomats and servants alike impossible to overlook. Those mulling about the corridors gawk as you leave your quarters beside Zuko each morning, whispers muttered over the scandal that you now sleep in the same bed; eyes widen when you brazenly peck his lips in the company of others, and cheeks redden when his hand is spied resting shamefully low on your waist. Neither of you mind the reproachful attention, however - you want your love to be seen. 

Of course, it’s a short matter time before the council gets involved in the affair, your advisors calling a meeting less than a week after your return to berate you about the newest stain on your public image. 

“It’s disgraceful!” rages one of Yong’s aides, tossing his arms about as he shoots himself out of his seat. “The Firelord and lady are figures of authority - not foolish teenage lovers! Do you have any idea how idiotic this makes you look to the nation? To the world??” 

“Hakoda loved his wife publicly,” you flatly answer, taking a tauntingly unbothered sip of the tea laid out before you. “He’s still a very respected leader, both in the Southern Water Tribe and in other parts of the world.” 

“Chief Hakoda’s wife held no power,” the aide spits. He leans menacingly over the table towards you, clenching his fists. “You are no longer a weak, sheltered Water Tribe woman. You’re queen of one of the strongest governments to ever exist - you need to damn well act like it.” 

You shift your gaze towards the man, fixing him with a subtle, cutting glare that makes him pale. You feel the weight of your betrothal necklace at your throat, the force pushing you upward to stand at eye level with him. 

“I was never weak,” you state. “I was never sheltered. I watched Fire Nation soldiers murder my parents when I was six years old, and supported an entire village in my siblings’ absence when they left to fight with the Avatar. I willingly left my home to marry a stranger for the betterment of my people; do not call me weak for learning to love him.” 

A heavy silence falls over the room, a dozen sets of eyes trained on you. You stand, unwavering, unblinking, staring at the aide who challenged you; he sets his jaw, refusing to lower himself. Yong comes up beside him, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“What Jenshi means,” she sternly justifies, “is that there are still many people in the Fire Nation who are loyal to Ozai, who are used to a Firelord and lady that operate as a political alliance rather than a traditional marriage; those people may view your affections as a sign of weakness and attempt to take advantage of it.” 

“Yes,” Jenshi mutters, lowering his shoulders as he calms himself. “And with all due respect, my lady, we still don’t know who we can trust. The threat may still very well be within the palace walls.” 

You and Zuko turn to each other, sharing a noiseless, worried look; he takes your hand, squeezing it tightly as he addresses the entire room, lowering you back to his side. 

“What do the other sectors have to say?” he questions. “Military?” 

“The general consensus so far is that the military doesn’t care,” answers Counselor Chin. “Your superior skill as a warrior is revered, and the Firelady has proven a great leader in regards to our decolonization efforts. Your personal lives are of no concern to us, and we are primed to defend you against all existing dangers.” 

“Ethically there are a few problems,” chimes Advisor Shi, head of the Integrity Committee. “Your actions go against what has been culturally accepted since before Sozin’s reign; a Firelord and lady aren’t meant to be publicly affectionate with one another, no matter how they may feel for each other beyond the nation’s eye.” 

Zuko hums, nodding. 

“I understand,” he responds. “But we are trying to move away from the traditional monarchy. We’ve already established that we don’t want any children we have to be forced into their roles, and public reception was relatively accepting. What could it hurt for us to be honest about our feelings for each other?”

“It brings us back to concerns over dissent,” Yong interjects. “As Jinshi said, we’re no closer to understanding who was behind Counselor Fen’s murder or what their intentions are; we can’t let them use your emotions as leverage.” 

“Has word really spread that quickly?” you ask her, fear beginning to quake in the center of your chest. “They’re talking about it outside the palace?” 

“No,” Jinshi replies, “but it will soon. If there are actors within the palace, we assume they already know and will attempt to play your intimacy with each other to their advantage.” 

Zuko’s body stiffens, the corners of his lips turning downward into a grave, shadowed grimace. He nods in concession, but doesn’t let go of your hand. 

“We’ll watch ourselves,” he affirms, clutching your palm tighter within his. “In the meantime, I want everyone within the palace’s actions to be heavily monitored. No one is safe if we’re not.” 

After the meeting, you and Zuko take lunch together, choosing the unromantic and relatively public setting of a stateroom outside your private wing of the palace. Anxiety causes your stomach to churn like the ocean in a storm, hindering your appetite so that you only pick at your food - you notice that Zuko does the same. 

“... I visited the physician this morning,” you tell him, breaking the uneasy stagnance. “She said the medicine worked - I’m not pregnant.” 

“Good,” Zuko murmurs. His hand is raised to his chin, his voice distant as he keeps his pensive gaze aimed at an empty space on the table before you. “One less thing we have to worry about.” 

“What’s on your mind?” you ask.

“The attacks,” Zuko relays. “They’re not… normal.” 

“Normal how?” 

Zuko sighs, folding his arms in front of him as he continues to ponder, his brow furrowing in search of the correct words. 

“... They’re not what my father would do,” he says after a pause. “He wouldn’t utilize outsiders like the Dai Li, or kill an indirect target just to make a statement. That’s what Azula would do.” 

“... So you think she was behind it?” you guess. “They could have been her ideas, but the fact that she took herself out means that there had to have been someone else.” 

“Exactly,” Zuko agrees. “And that’s what’s confusing. The only person she ever feared was our father, but after he abandoned her during the comet, she hated him. Everything we have from her investigation supports that. She’d never be allegiant to him.” 

“But who else could have convinced her?” you wonder. “What else? Threatening her life clearly didn’t mean anything, and she renounced her loyalty to the Fire Nation when she was arrested. Do you think that… that maybe someone told her they were trying to overthrow you? That they offered to let her take your place?” 

“Azula was like our father. If she wanted to take over, she would’ve just taken over. She never would have taken the throne if it were offered.” 

“So… she wasn’t the one leading the attacks… but her pride kept her from bending to anyone’s will but her own. What was her place, then?” 

“I think she just wanted me dead,” Zuko admits. “Whoever approached her, they asked for her help in killing me. They gave her the opportunity to exact her revenge in a way that destroyed me little by little, the way she wanted to see it happen.” 

“... But Ozai and his supporters don’t operate that way,” you recall. 

“ They don’t,” Zuko echos. “They take by force.” 

You meet his eyes, a deep, tumbling chasm bottoming out in your stomach, the shockwave reverberating through your body. Your limbs feel limp, your head dizzy. 

“It’s not the Fire Nation,” you realize.

The words come out in a quiet gasp, carried by what little breath you can manage to force from your lungs. Zuko’s expression falls gravely blank; he reaches for your hand, bringing your knuckles to his lips without thought or care to who could see. 

“It’s not the Fire Nation,” he repeats. “Which means… there might be no one we can trust.”

The door to your bedroom slides open and sputters shut behind you, indicating Zuko’s entrance; bent over, fumbling with the ties on your robes, you don't turn to greet him, but instead share the message you got that afternoon. 

“Toph is coming,” you announce. “She heard about Azula and is worried about our safety, so she's bringing a group of-” 

You cease completely as you face the man standing in front of the doorway, horrified to find that he isn't your husband. 

“I must say, you really know how to upset things,” Advisor Xiang sneers, pacing slowly towards you. 

You take a few steps back, cornering yourself back against the nearest wall; in the waist of your robes, Suki’s fan presses harshly to your side, too hidden for you to reach without alerting your intruder.

“Get out,” you quip. “Get out before I call the guards.” 

“Make one sound and this knife will end up in your neck,” Xiang threatens. He raises a blade from his hip, holding it menacingly level with your throat; as he closes in on you, he lets it graze your skin, his gaunt, sunken face glaring down at you like a demon summoned from the darkest corner of hell. 

“You were supposed to run, little girl,” he drawls on. “You were supposed to die in Ba Sing Se. None of this - this love you have for the Firelord, your flirting with the possibility of continuing his bloodline - was ever supposed to happen. And we can't let it happen.” 

“Who is ‘we’?” you demand. You try to make your voice firm, unshaken, but it quivers in your mouth, causing Xiang to release a belittling chuckle. 

“You won't find that out,” he taunts. “I've come to discuss the terms of your punishment. You see, since you defied everything we expected of you, we’re going to make you do what we planned to do months ago - you're going to kill Zuko.” 

Bile rises to the back of your throat, your gut seizing in a panicked, terrified hitch. You shake your head, quickly and minutely, tears starting to sear the corners of your eyes. 

“No,” you detest. “I won't do it. We’ll stop you.” 

“You will do it,” Xiang hisses, “because if he isn't dead within the next seven days, your entire family - that bumbling brother, his wife, your sister and her precious little family, even your father - will die instead.” 

He removes the dagger from your neck, grinning tauntingly, maliciously, as he slips it into the loose breast of your robes. His touch sickens you, but you're too petrified to force him back. 

“And don't you dare try reaching out for help,” he snarls. “We have informants throughout the palace - we’ll know every move you make, and if anyone gets word of this, your loved ones will all perish, and this time you’ll have no one to take you in.” 

It's only when Xiang releases you do you realize he had a hold on your wrist, gripping you so tightly that he leaves flaming red marks on your skin. Tears bubble down your cheeks, a sob lodged in your throat that you refuse to let go. 

“Why are you doing this?” you plead. 

You don't know why you expect him to answer honestly - you don't know why you expect him to answer at all. He smirks, showing the ugly, yellowed points of his irregularly sharp canines. 

“Because Zuko would have been better off dead when Ozai gave him that scar,” he replies. “His is a family of sociopaths and murders, my dear - we must end the cycle before it repeats itself.” 

Xiang slips through the door he ambushed you from, and you're left alone in your terror. Fingers shaking, you take the knife from your robes and hide it under the mattress, your mind racing as you try to figure out what you can possibly do to save the people you love. 

You're in bed by the time Zuko returns, the lights turned out and your body hidden beneath the blankets, too shaken to face him. As he lays down beside you, wrapping his arms around your waist and nestling into the comfort of your body, all you can feel is the blade beneath you, slicing your side as ruthlessly as if you were the one sentenced to death.

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[onepiece-writting-forest]

Hello! I don't know if your ask box is closed, but if it's possible, I would like to request some headcanons of Killer and Kid being jelaous over their s/o before and after they're a couple. I love these two😆 Thank you for your time❤

[Two of my favorites. You shall get what you asked for. Enjoy~ And thanks for the request!]

Eustass Kid

Jealousy before relationship Before he confesses his feelings to you and gets into a relationship, he’s jealous in an indirect way. You’re not his yet, so he can’t really demand anyone to not stare or flirt with you. And he doesn’t like openly showing that he has something for you, he sees it as being vulnerable. However, since you’re one of his crew mates, that’s reason enough to “protect” you from nasty men. If he notices that you’re uncomfortable when someone hits at you, that person is basically dead. He will firstly threaten them, telling them to piss off and not mess with his crew. If they don’t get it, or dare to be cocky with Kid, he’s going to kill them. Snap of the neck, a dagger repelled into his chest or let Heat set him on fire. He does not know mercy. It’s pure jealousy causing this and he’s well aware that you can defend yourself. However, he covers it with the reason of you being his crew member. He will still do this, if you’re engaging with the person. More reason to kill them if you like them better than Kid. If you’re smart you better not tease him with this and playfully flirt with others just to see his reaction. He will be pissed at you for the fact that other men get your attention and he doesn’t. Don’t play with fire. You’re warned. Jealousy during relationship Now that you’re officially his partner, and only his, there no holding back. You are well aware that Kid is damn possessive and easily gets jealous. Not really with his crew though. He has enough self- confidence and trust into you and his crew that there is no reason to be jealous. Besides that, he’s the captain after all. If he tells you to stop talking to Wire and follow him, you have to. When you’re out on land, and some nobody hits you up, there isn’t much jealousy in him. As said he’s pretty confident in himself and does trust you. What does some island villager have to offer anyway. When the person does not stop bothering you, he’ll make them, that easy. If some well known pirate hits on you, someone he sees as competition, Kid will be on fire. He will be fully jealous. He’d even start fighting and risking their plans just to show this bastard what a strong pirate you have by you side. You don’t need someone else. During the alliance he gets easily worked up when he see’s you just talking with the other captains. Even if it’s just casual, he will walk between you guys and tell that fucker to no talk to you. Even though they have an alliance, Kid does not trust the others at all.

Killer

Jealousy before relationship He does get easily jealous. He does not know if the feelings he harbors for you are mutual or not. This of course makes him insecure a bit. Not much though. If you don’t like him the same way, and someone else is better fitting, he won’t get between you. However, he will get jealous. He’s the type of jealous who threatens the other person quietly. While you talk with some alliance member, he will sharpen his weapons notably loud, and stare right at them. When they lock eyes, he will let his thumb run across his throat and give the other person a clear message. Dare to treat you badly, and they’re dead. That’s a serious threat. The moment someone else breaks your heart he will disappear and come back a few hours later with blood on his blades. He will act like some sort of body guard for you. This will be noticed from his crew by time, and they will slowly be more careful when they talk to you. Killers face is hidden, but the stare behind the mask, or rather, the mask staring at you is murderous. Sometimes when you’re on land, and you leave the bar with someone else, Killer will tighten his grip on his weapons. Kid knowing his best friend will have to calm him down and push a glass of rum into his hand. As said, he won’t get between you and someone else, but he won’t like it. Jealousy during relationship The moment you commit to him, he’s full confidence in himself and you. His jealousy disappears and there is nothing to worry about. Maybe at the beginning his habit of seeing other men as a threat will linger, but luckily that goes away by time. He knows that you’re by his side for a reason, which makes any type of jealousy vanish. Seriously he doesn’t mind you talking with other guys or any other crew members, you committed to him after all. He will still protect you and act like a body guard, but mostly to let others know who you belong to. He’s still possessive and does not hold back from cutting someones hand off who thought smacking your ass was a good idea. This is not due to jealousy though, its simply for protection. He does have a reputation of a  murderous pirate after all. Especially during the alliance he will be similar to Kid. He does not trust other, successful pirates who know how to play dirty. There is no reason why someone from the other crews should talk or remotely flirt with you. He’s wary of any sort of shady behavior and tensed up around them. Yet again, not due to jealousy. He loves you and he’s not going to let those bastards hurt you. 

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[danadeservesadrink]

Wine and Whiskey

Read on AO3 here

Chapter 1: Mulder’s POV

Scully arrives at his apartment with a bottle of wine on a Friday night and Mulder can't refuse. There's something so tempting about drinking wine from the bottle.

We’re just going to pretend that I didn’t wait almost a year to publish the second chapter for this fic. Reposting the first chapter here because I gave her a good fix-up. Tagging @today-in-fic

He had never been more mesmerized in his life than by Dana Scully drinking wine from the bottle.

She had shown up at his apartment holding it, bashfully admitting that she didn’t want to drink alone on a Friday night, practically entrapping him with a bat of her eyelashes. Of course he let her in.

It was rare that she let her guard down like this, but you wouldn’t catch him complaining. He ushered her in with a hand on her lower back and she made herself comfortable on his couch, flipping through the channels until she landed on a rerun of some history documentary. Her energy was palpable, nervous and confident and radiating. She gazed up at him with something just short of confidence and requested a corkscrew. Who was he to deny her.

Dana Scully sat on his couch in her maroon sweater and blue jeans on a Friday night at 9:06 pm and uncorked a bottle of white wine and he had never been more in love. Correction, he was more in love with her at 9:07 when she took a swig straight from the bottle. She drank and then let out a deep sigh, filled with all of the troubles of a not-so-9-to-5 FBI agent. He sat down opposite of her on the couch, matching her cross-legged position, and stared at her, mesmerized. She must have noticed, as she flushed and chuckled to herself, likely at the genuine absurdity of the situation.

“I’ve had a very long day,” she whispered defensively. He didn’t mind. She deserved to unwind. She passed him the bottle with a raised eyebrow and he almost denied.Thinking about how her lips and his would be touching the same lip of a bottle made him feel like a school boy analyzing the physics of cooties. He almost offered to go get them glasses, but she pushed the bottle towards him with an insistent smirk and he realized he was being ridiculous. He accepted, although still subtly trying to turn the bottle in a feeble attempt to avoid drinking from the same location she had, and he drank.

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his sweater. The wine was sweet, its flavor lingering on his lips.

“Bill’s an ass” She said, rolling her eyes. She reached out a hand for the bottle back, and he passed it over. She brought the bottle to her lips again with no rotations, clearly unconcerned with the dynamics of indirect kissing.

“Yea he is. What’d he do this time”. His previous attempt to forget how perfect she looked as she drank was a failure. Because Dana Scully was on his couch drinking wine from the bottle. He doesn't think any sane person could ever forget that.

“Called me up today to tell me how disappointed he was with me. How I’m a failure to our family and how I’m putting myself in danger for absolutely no reason” She laughed at this, and so did he, reveling in the ridiculousness of their day jobs. He shifted closer on the couch and she must have felt his concern because she clarified. “He heard about the case”.

Of course. Scully took down a murderer, a serial killer at that, with her own two hands, fighting through a warehouse of traps to get to him, to catch the bad guy. She shot him with his own gun but not before he sliced a nasty gash into her side with a pocket knife. All while he’d been knocked out on the cold cement in a pile of his own vomit. She followed his profile, found the warehouse, and took the bastard down and he was so god damn proud of her.  Bill didn’t see it but he sure as hell could.

“Bill’s an idiot” He said so sincerely it made her look up from staring into the wine.

“Yea. Yea he is” She whispered. She took another drink, and he was moving closer to her on the already small couch, like a moth to the light.

She’s so pretty. The way the TV fluorescence bounced off of her cheek, the way her hair was tied up but the short pieces in the front whisped around her face in perfect little curls. It took all of his strength not to reach over and brush one away from her eye when she tilted her head back to take another drink from the bottle. Her neck was perfect porcelain, he dreamed of running his lips over the smooth skin she exposed. When she finishes, he forces himself to look at the TV screen instead of the little drop of white wine remaining on her lip.

She looks down at the bottle, then up at him through her lashes. She was coy, vulnerable, he knew this step, whatever it was, was big. Scully had shown up to his apartment before, but it was usually due to work. Showing up with wine and personal feeling was teetering on the edge of something more than partnership. His eyes flick down to the bottle and she offers it to him. Their fingertips brush and he shudders. He sees her watching him drink.

They are rudely interrupted by the shrill ringtone of her cell phone.

She pulls it out of her pocket with a sigh, and he smirks.

“Hi Mom.” He hears the muted voice of Maggie Scully on the other end of the phone. She’s probably calling to apologize for her son’s behavior, and he’s pissed that she’s forced into that position.

“Well he was acting like a bastard!” Scully exclaimed, frustrated, and Mulder couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Scully shot him a glare, and he quickly pressed his lips together in silent surrender. She seems to be listening intently, so he shakes the wine bottle in her direction, forcing her to wave him off with an eye roll. As she mumbles “mmhmm” and “uh huh” he becomes bolder, eventually leaning over and trying to press the wine bottle to her lips. She pushed him back with a smirk, but reached for the bottle and took a drink before her next answer. It was his turn to smirk.

“I’m over at Mulder’s place” He grinned at her and tried to scoot in closer to hear Maggie’s response. She pushed him back again, this time with a softer smile.

“Work stuff” she said, avoiding eye contact with him. The irony of her statement was not lost, and he tried to repress the laugh that bubbled up within him. He caught her blushing.

“I’ll let him know. Bye Mom” She quickly hung up the phone and proceeded to drink a good 6 swigs before handing the bottle back to him, shameless. He hadn’t realized it was almost empty.

The concept of Dana Scully, the Catholic raised and pant-suit wearing professional, drinking wine at a man’s apartment at night while on the phone with her equally proper mother made him chuckle. He wonders if this is the first time she’s done this.

“What did your mom want to tell me?” he asked with a grin. She blushed again. He couldn’t tell if she was embarrassed or if the wine was getting to her. Maybe both.

“She just wanted to say hi” she glanced at the bottle in his hands, avoiding his eyes. He let the little white lie slip past them as a gift to a friend. “You gonna finish that?”

He shook his head. He was worried that any more and he would start acting in ways that would make Maggie Scully very disappointed.

Scully pouted at his response, but leaned even closer to him, grabbed the bottle, and downed the rest of it, tilting her head all the way back to allow the last drops to trickle from the bottom of the bottle into her throat. Something about her throat made him want to mark it with his teeth. Jesus, the effect she had on him was insane.

She finished, and returned to gazing in his eyes with an impish smirk. He must have still been staring because she burst into a fit of giggles. Despite all the Irish blood in her, Scully was still a small  woman who had just drank nearly a full bottle of wine.

“Scully are you drunk?” He teased. She burst into another fit of giggles as she shook her head, still smiling like the cat that ate the canary. He loved the sound of her laugh. He never wanted it to stop. He would personally fight every demon in this world so that she never had to stop smiling at him like she was right now.

She felt loose, unrestrained, and so did he. They were so comfortable with each other in the strangest of ways, and this wine laden journey was just another layer. Intimacy for them often came in small touches and promises of protection, least of all through physical affection. But tonight, all bets were off, as Dana Scully, goddess in blue jeans, used his shoulder to push herself off his couch and waltzed into his kitchen, swaying her hips like the little vixen she was.

“Where you going?” He called after her, but the only reply was the sound of a cabinet being opened and the melodious giggle he had come to adore.

She was reaching for the top shelf when he walked in the kitchen behind her. Her prize was obvious. Striding up behind her he placed one hand on her hip and reached with the other for the half full bottle of whiskey her outstretched fingers were wiggling towards.

He almost dropped it when he felt her step back into him. He flexed the hand still fixed to her hip as he felt a shiver run through him. As quickly as she came, however, she was gone, instead turning around to grab at the bottle he was holding. He reacted quicker, sober reflexes triumphing over hers, pulling it back and raising an eyebrow in response to her pouty lips. Drunk Scully was a dangerous creature, a tempting siren who could bend any man to her will. All he wanted was to please her.

“And why should I give you some of my emergency whiskey?”, he teased.

“Because I’ve had a terrible day, and now I’m out of wine”. She had to know what she was doing to him. Looking him straight in the eye, pushing her lip out even further. He rolled his eyes, laughing again under his breath.

“What’s the magic word”

And oh Dana you know how to make a man give you anything. There is no magic word, only Scully tilting her head back, closing her eyes, and opening her mouth, tongue stuck out and waiting. The vision was enthralling.

She peeked an eye open when she heard him toss the cap on the counter, but closed it again with a giggle when she realized he had caught her. He shook his head, exhaling softly. With reverence, he gave her what she wished.  

The whiskey hit her tongue with a burn of ice and fire, and he watched as it slid down into her mouth, filling her up until he stopped pouring, and she swallowed. He had never wished to be a liquid before. She coughed before smiling up at him, eyes sparkling even though the closest light was now the television.

“Your turn” She smirked and took the bottle from his hands.

“I don’t think you can reach” he countered, but she grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled down.

He would never deny her.

He got down on his knees on his kitchen floor, and it was only right that Scully should be the altar he prayed to. Still smirking, he first closed his eyes as she had, then stuck out his tongue to await the drink of his goddess. She poured sloppily, the hand of a distracted woman, and he had to swallow before she was finished, causing her to spill some on his lips and chin.

He opened his eyes to see her giggle, mumble an apology, and lean over him. He barely registered what was happening before he felt her tongue, that perfect tongue, lap up a stray drop off of his cheek. He gasped, sharply. She pulled back, only a few inches, still leaning over him. He gazed up into her eyes and saw his arousal mirrored in them.

“It’s your emergency whiskey, I didn’t want to waste it.” She smirked her perfect lips as she whispered. Her breath smelled like sweet wine and sharp whiskey. It was intoxicating. He closed his eyes as he felt her finger raise his chin to the heavens. She licked again, this one on his jawline, and he moaned. He felt her laughter in puffs of air on his cheek.

“Scully…” he whispers, a halfhearted attempt to salvage a professional partnership he knew had been tossed out of the window the second she walked in tonight.

She ran a finger over his lips to silence him and he thought he might black out.

All he wants is her. His body shakes with the thought.

She brings both hands to cup his cheeks, whiskey bottle long forgotten, and presses her lips to his.

The feeling is that of resurrection. It’s an electric shock coursing through his body, lighting every nerve he has on fire, his thoughts only attuned to her, her, her. He remembers he has hands, and uses them to pull her closer, cupping the back of her neck with ferocity. She opens her mouth and he tastes her tongue. The taste of salvation and moscato.

He breaks the kiss only to rise up to his full height before he descends upon her, grabbing her gently by the waist, still mindful of her injury, but equally desperate. She tangles a hand into his hair and pulls him into her. He could get lost in her mouth, following the flow of the whiskey before him, lips then tongue, fire and ice. She moaned into his mouth and he tightened his grip on her. His mouth traced the path his eyes had followed earlier. Off the curve of her lips, down to her jawline, where he licked and sucked and did everything in his power to remember the taste of her skin. She whimpered when he reached her pulse point, taking the fist in his hair and desperately pressing him against it. He nipped at her flesh, and then kissed it better.

“Fuck” she drew out, shaking, and it made him wild. He sucked harder, knowing full well the dark purple bruise it was going to leave. Both of them couldn’t give a shit. When he finished, he kissed his way up to her ear.

“Mine” he growled, and she shuddered in his arms. He carefully tugged on her earlobe with his teeth as he felt her nod against him.  

“Yours” she whispered back. It was all the permission he needed.

He carefully traced his fingers up her sides, dragging the fabric of her top along with it. Her chest was heaving, their breaths mixing together in a cocktail of arousal and alcohol. He felt the bandage covering the wound from the warehouse and a pang of guilt passed over him. She sees it in his eyes and uses her own hands to push his higher, past the evidence of their last foul memory. He reached up to the bottom of her breasts and with a shock realized that her sweater had been hiding a secret.

“Were you planning…” he dotted her collarbone with marks from his lips, sucking softly along each delicate curve “... on telling me…” another kiss “...that you weren't wearing a bra?” kiss , kiss , kiss .

“I was more hoping that … ah shit...you would find out for yourself”

He had to be dreaming. Any minute he would wake up in his bed horny and alone like every Saturday. But then she kissed him again and he figured that if this was a dream he hoped he was fucking comatose because he never wanted to wake up. He traced his hands over the underside of her breasts again and felt her body shake at his caress. Quickly he pushed the sweater up and over her head, careful to not disturb her bandage, her arms raising to help. And then she was topless in his kitchen on a Friday night and he was going to study her like she was a sculptor and she was his Venus. He would memorize every curve of her perfect body with his hands over and over and over.

“Well?”

He had been staring. How could you not when Dana fucking Scully was blushing and breathless in your arms. But there would be time for starting later. He turned his mind to devouring her.

He palmed her breast and kneaded, watching in awe as her head fell backward and a sigh escaped her lips. He asked for permission through a silent question tossed up at her and she nodded a desperate nod. His lips continued their trail downward, licking and sucking on the hills and valleys of her chest until he came to her nipple, where he paused to circle it with his tongue. At the same time he flicked her right nipple he took the left one into her mouth. Her head shot forward, the hand in his hair pulled him forward into her, and she let out the most guttural moan of “ Mulder ”. His name had never sounded more perfect than when it came out of her mouth. He spent some time there, licking and sucking, pulling with his teeth then soothing with his tongue, just trying to get her to make different sounds. Curses flew from her mouth with ease and he was reminded of the rebellious streak in her. The deviant Dana Scully that cursed and drank and fucked. He loved this side of her. He’s drunk off of her and whiskey and wine and he can only think that he needed more. His brain is buzzing and he’s sure he didn’t have that much wine but maybe it's just the smell of her skin that's so intoxicating.

“Mulder I need you”

He looked up to meet her eyes and saw her staring back at him, breathless and hungry.

“Now.”

[mercurryblack]

Chapter 2: Rudyard

Following a shocking bit of news, Rudyard makes a rendezvous with his old leader.

❃❃❃

Sardion had ended the call with a request; that Rudyard come immediately to the Second Precinct, where he was with the detective leading the investigation.

As Rudyard ran, he felt intense guilt seep into his thoughts. Two of his old teammates were dead and he wasn’t there to save them. He was a Huntsman— to him, it should have been his duty to save them. How could this happen? He kept mentally repeating over and over on the way.

Almost too soon enough, he was leaning outside of the detective’s office, bent over in exhaustion with one hand propping him against the door. Through the window, Sardion had already been speaking to the detective when they saw Rudyard doubled over outside. The detective, a dark-skinned woman who he failed to recognize, hurried outside to help him up.

“Sir Millard, are you alright? Let’s get you up.” she motioned for Sardion to help her with Rudyard.

“Wha— what happened? How—? They can’t be gone. Please tell me this is just a bad joke, Sardion.” Rudyard held on to Sardion’s arm, his voice wavering with a mixture of exertion and emotion as he tried to catch his breath.

Sardion couldn’t bear to look Rudyard in the eye. He was silently struggling to maintain his own composure. Yaara and Berilo had not only been his friends, but his family. The moment they had become a team, all those years ago, had made them feel inseparable. Now, that  very same moment felt like a cruel trick decades in the making.

“Damn it, you two, just tell me—! I need to know what happened!” Rudyard snapped, having managed to finally catch his breath.

The detective glanced over at the Huntsman, who had sunken down onto a small couch by the wall. “I know you must be devastated by this news, Sir Millard, but unfortunately, a lot of this case isn’t clear yet.” She sat down on her office chair and grabbed a file from her desk.

Rudyard spared a glance up at her desk— near its front was a nameplate, on which Det. Agave Yuen, Royal Mistral Police was embossed in brass. He quietly took note of this, as it meant he didn’t have to keep mentally referring to her as “the detective” any longer.

Detective Yuen cleared her throat, before beginning to speak to the two Huntsmen. “Yaara Dailan and Berilo Gaspar were found dead this morning in their respective homes. Both of the deaths appear to have occurred within 24 hours, according to medical scans of their core body temperatures. In Miss Dailan’s body, there was a single gaping wound, which we suspect to be from a sword. On the other hand, Mister Gaspar received several smaller wounds of a similar nature, two of which severed arteries. In Miss Dailan’s case, there were signs of a struggle.” She paused, pursing her lips momentarily before continuing.. “We’ve got the when and where, but the who, why, and how of this case is still unclear. As of now, the forensics team hasn’t yet confirmed if they were in fact murdered or not, and there’s also—”

“Of COURSE they were murdered!” Rudyard shouted suddenly, rising to his feet. “How can you possibly be unsure of that?! Those two could kill droves of Grimm by themselves — to say nothing of when we were a team — and they’re not the kind of people someone could get the drop on! Whoever did this was clearly prepared for—!”

“Rudd, please. Calm down. Let Detective Yuen do her work.” said Sardion.

Rudyard wheeled around to face Sardion. “How can you stay calm, knowing two of our teammates are dead and we weren’t there for them?!” he retaliated.

Sardion flinched slightly at the indirect accusation, before letting out a deep, pained sigh. “Believe me, Rudd, I’m hurting as much as you are. The news wasn’t at all easy for me either, but you of all people should know that situations like this shouldn’t be met with an attitude like that.” Sardion did his best to maintain a civil attitude as he spoke, holding his palms out in a gesture of placation.

The resulting silence was deafening. Both Rudyard and Sardion were having trouble connecting the dots that led them to this moment — it all seemed too sudden, too soon. One second, they had been fresh graduates of Haven taking on their first real mission together, and the next they were mourning the deaths of half their team.

Agave, however, was stuck in between a rock and a hard place. If she continued, she felt like she’d upset Rudyard even more. But if she remained silent, Sardion would feel like their time was being wasted.

When she was approached by the Mistral Police about the deaths of Yaara and Berilo, the detective knew that she wasn’t dealing with a regular case. She was handling that of people from SYBR, the top team of the Haven graduating class of 58 AV. They had been the champions of the 28th Vytal Festival.

At any rate, she had to be prepared for anything in this case.

The silence was broken by Sardion speaking up. “Please continue, Detective Yuen.”

“Are you sure? If it’s too distressing for Sir Millard, he can catch up with the investigation on a later date.” Yuen replied, subtly gesturing with a hand towards Rudyard.

Sardion shook his head. “The longer we sit here grieving, the longer whoever did this is still roaming the streets. We don’t know who they might come for next, or if we’re already being targeted.” He glanced over at Rudyard. “You calmed down?”

“Mmm.” Rudyard responded with an ambiguous murmur, taking a deep breath.

Yuen nodded as she returned to the topic of the investigation. “Well, as I was saying right now, the majority of the case is still left unanswered. That’s why we asked you to come here. You two were the ones who knew the victims best. You could help them—” 

“Too late for that. We weren’t there to help them then, and I don’t see what good it’ll do now.” Rudyard quietly muttered.

Yuen coughed awkwardly at Rudyard’s interruption. “…Be that as it may, I plan on getting to the bottom of this, so if not for them, at least help me out.” She turned to her computer momentarily, typing in a command for a new document before turning back to Sardion and Rudyard “I’m going to ask you some questions that might guide us toward the right path to take. Shall we start?”

“Go ahead, detective.” Sardion motioned to Yuen, as she began typing into the document with one hand.

“Where were both of you yesterday evening, and did you have any contact with Yaara Dailan or Berilo Gaspar during that period of time?”

Rudyard looked up, a slightly appalled expression on his face “...You can’t be implying we had something to do with—” He stopped as Sardion rested a hand on his shoulder.

“Easy, Rudd. It’s just the regular police line of questioning, we’re not being interrogated.” He turned back towards Yuen before responding. “I was at home with Asagi, myself. We called it an early night.”

Yuen typed into the computer for a moment. “Asagi… as in Asagi Sarikaya, your daughter?”

“That’s right.” Sardion answered.

Yuen typed a bit more. “And the home… you live in the Saku District, House 217, is that correct?”

“Correct.”

“Right, then.” Yuen clicked her mouse twice. “And you, Sir Millard?”

Rudyard let out a sigh before looking up to face Yuen. “I was heading home from… from the Gardens of Remembrance, over in the Yoake District.”

Sardion’s eyes widened slightly, and he inhaled sharply. Now it was no wonder Rudyard had been taking this so hard— this tragedy was following right on the heels of the anniversary of another one. 

Noticing Sardion’s response, Yuen raised an eyebrow as she turned to her computer screen and typed again, pulling up Rudyard’s personal record.

A pause.

“…Ah. Yes, I see. I’m very sorry about that.” Yuen said, wincing to herself as she looked over Rudyard’s file.

The red-clad Huntsman shrugged. “I considered hitting up the Blackbird, that bar a few blocks down from my house, but I figured that could wait until this evening.” Rudyard continued. “Then I got the call, and… well, here we are now.”

Agave nodded, and kept on typing on her computer. Half a minute later, she faced Rudyard and Sardion again and proceeded to continue the line of questioning. “Do you know anyone who might have done this to them? Anyone who might have a motive?”

“Everyone they’ve met, they treated well. They were professionals, but always friendly to others. I don’t know anyone who could be so angry at those two to the point of murder.” Sardion answered.

“No old enemies, looking to settle scores? No connections that might have considered them ‘loose ends’?”

Sardion shook his head, but Rudyard paused for a moment. He knew that Yaara and Berilo had been embroiled in some secretive missions, and there was always the off chance that the murders could have been a cleanup job.

After a moment spent contemplating, he responded, “…Not that I was ever aware of, no.”

❃❃❃

After an hour of questioning the two Huntsmen, Detective Yuen was finally satisfied with the report she had on file. “Thank you, gentlemen. That’s all I need to know for now.” she said, snapping the lid of her computer shut. The three stood up from where they were sitting. As Rudyard and Sardion were about to head out the door, Yuen stopped them. “I know this may be asking a lot, especially considering that it’s already been one bad day, but do you mind helping us catch whoever did this in other ways?”

“Absolutely.” Rudyard said without hesitation.

“Same h— wait, what do you mean by ‘other ways’?” Sardion asked.

Yuen exhaled heavily through her nostrils before responding. “Despite the prep for the Festival, we’re not short of the police force overall, and I also have my subordinates doing some groundwork. However, I think a little more help wouldn’t hurt. For one thing, you two knew the victims better than anyone, and your input and added skills as Huntsmen should be a boon.” she explained.

Sardion looked at Rudyard. “Are you sure you’re up for this, Rudyard?” he inquired.

Rudyard nodded. “Yes. Anything I can do to help, just say the word.”

“And what about you, Sir Sarikaya?” Agave inquired. “It’s on your record that you have a daughter at home, so if you’re concerned for your own safety…”

Sardion took a moment to consider his response. He had chosen to lie low of his Huntsman duties since his daughter Asagi had been born, in favor of raising her.  Ever since then, all he could think about was spending time with her— her mother had passed on when Asagi was very young, and he had made plenty of money from missions before her birth to retire from missions. Being the champion of the 28th Vytal Festival hadn’t hurt his socioeconomic prospects, either, and his domestic life had been a comfortable one.

But now, things were different. Asagi was already sixteen and preparing to apply as a Huntress herself— she wouldn’t be at home for much longer. And despite the decline of his skills with age, he’d kept up his training well enough to handle himself in a fight should one come along.

It was time to get back to his duties as a leader once again, and avenge his comrades.

“Of course. I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyways, knowing that their killers are still on the loose.” he answered firmly.

[therainroguefanfiction]

💋 Seductive Trickery (Kurapika) #0 ~ P r o l o g u e

📑 Table of Contents

Pairing: Female Reader x Kurapika ☁

World: Hunter x Hunter ☁

WARNING: This series contains highly suggestive sexual content that is not suitable for those under the age of eighteen.

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You sat slouched on the soft couch that sat in the hotel lobby. Your head leaned back on the back of the powder blue couch, eyes staring boredly up at the high ceiling. Your hands were stuffed into the pockets of the lose black hoodie that you wore. Despite the room being filled with the chatter of the other guests and the hotel staff, none of it reached you. You weren’t even aware that there were other people in the lobby.

Normally, you were very attentive and aware of your surroundings, but your mind was too clouded to process much of anything at the moment. You needed time to sort out those thoughts so she had left the room the group shared and retreated to the brightly lit lobby. The pounding rain outside could be heard over the chattering guests as it pelted the glass door, soaking any and everything that dared to go out into it. The sound echoed in the back of your mind, helping to calm your nerves.

“Yo,”

You blinked as the familiar voice pulled you from your racing thoughts. Your eyes shifted to the tall suit-wearing male who had just walked up to you. One hand was tucked safely in his pants pocket, while the other was held up in greeting.

“Gon was worried and asked me to come and check on you,” he answered your unasked question before shuffling around and plopping down on your left. His arms slung around the back of the couch and he let out an exasperated sigh.

“Che. He worries too much for a little kid,” you scoffed, shifting so that you could prop your feet up on the wooden coffee table that sat in front of the sofa.

Leorio chuckled in agreement before turning serious, his eyes burning with determination. This set you on high alert; whatever he was about to tell you, it couldn’t be good. “Listen, Y/N. I know why you’ve been zoning out so much lately. It’s because of Kurapika, right?”

“…”

“You don’t have to admit it, I know you have deep feelings for him but he’s been thinkin’ a lot about Ryodan and his clan lately… he’s been completely ignoring you. I don’t think he’s doing it on purpose, though.”

You shrugged, looking away from the loud-mouthed male. Leorio was right, of course, but what could you do? You knew how stressed out Kurapika has been; he was both mentally and physically exhausted. You had no right to complain about him spending all his time lost in thought about his slaughtered clan and the murderers who did it. The last thing you wanted was to upset or stress him out more than he already was.

“But that’s all over now, and it’s about damn time he started paying attention to you!” Leorio exclaimed, his hands balled into fists that just screamed determination.

Your brow rose, “It’s not a big deal, Leo – ”

“It is a big deal! He can’t seriously be that oblivious to your feelings!”

“He’s been busy,”

“Well, we’re gonna change that.” He grinned, reaching into his suit and pulling out a crumpled piece of paper. He then grabbed your hand and placed it into your palm. “This is a full-proof plan that’s going to catch him!”

“Heh?” You blinked in confusion, staring at him with suspicious eyes before staring curiously at the piece of paper. For some reason, you felt a sense of impending doom in the back of your mind but your curiosity was too great to brush it off.

You slowly unfolded the paper and swallowed hard, eyes widening in shock. Did he really expect you to do these things? There was no way! You were just a simple tomboy with no relationship experience. You weren’t sexy nor seductive and the things written on that paper were just too much. It wasn’t you… there was no way you could pull it off! If anything, you’d turn him off, not on.

“Trust me!” He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and winked. “It’s full proof! Do these steps in order and he won’t be able to resist you!”

You shook your head and stood up. “No way, not gonna happen.”

Before you could walk away, Leorio grabbed your wrist. “Just give it a try. You want his attention, right? You want him to look at you as more than just a friend, right?”

“Well… yeah, but…”

“I promise you, this will work, Y/N. Just think about it, okay?” He patted you on the shoulder before walking away to the elevator.

You really did not want to do this, but… at the same time, you really wanted Kurapika’s attention. How much longer could you keep those feelings hidden before they became too much to handle? At some point, it would become difficult just to be around him. And so, you were left with only two choices.

You could just confess your feelings to him.

Or you could place your trust in Leorio and do things you never imagined you would.

The first option was direct. There would be no turning back and the chance of being rejected was high, especially with him in the state he was currently in. Not to mention the chance of it ruining the friendship.

The second option, however, was indirect and called for him to make a move. You wouldn’t actually have to let him know how you felt so you couldn’t technically be rejected. It was the safest road for both you and Kurapika.

Taking a deep breath, your hand clenched around the paper. Your mind was made up. You were going to trust in Leorio, even if it would put you through hell with a low success rate…

Suddenly, the second option really wasn’t looking too hopeful, after all.

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▸Next Chapter

📜 Read more by checking out my masterlist 📜

[pass-the-bechdel]

Alias s01e12 ‘The Box, Part One’

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

No.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Five (27.78%)

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Thirteen (72.22%)

Positive Content Rating:

Three

General Episode Quality: 

A series highlight.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel: 

 Sydney only ever really speaks to Francie, it seems.    

Female Characters:

Sydney Bristow

Jenny

Toni

Judy Barnett

Kelly McNeill

Male Characters:

Jack Bristow

Michael Vaughn

Will Tippin

McKenas Cole

Tchen

Endo

Smile

Ice

Chopper

Arvin Sloane

Marshall Flinkman

Weiss

Haladki

Other Notes:

This is another episode where Sydney and Will get mirror arcs—they both decide they’re ready to quit, before circumstances get in the way—and the parallel is not subtle.

Something I noticed in the rewatch: although Dixon is quite visible throughout the episode, he gets no lines. -_-

A subtle detail about this episode is that effectively rules out Jack as the person contacting Will and helping him with his investigation into SD-6, since we see him with Sydney while Will is being contacted by said person. Given that Jack is effectively the only suspect in that mystery, this is a really cool development. 

I have Opinions about Quentin Tarantino, but I have to say that this is the perfect show for him to be in, and that he’s excellent in his role. 

Between his open contempt for getting a psych eval, his attack on a co-worker, and his non-denial denial of his feelings for Sydney, Vaughn is proving to be a rather not-great employee.

I don’t even know where to begin this episode. It really is some top shelf-TV.  

It’s tempting to lay at least part of this episode’s excellence at the feet of it being a riff on Die Hard, which is a fantastic template from which to base an episode. And to be clear, that does play a significant role.  Just as crucial, though, is something I’ve mentioned before: when Alias can actually focus, it’s very very good.  

Fortunately, I have a whole other post to talk about that, which means I get to use this one to talk about something else—namely, how this episode damn near breaks this iteration of the series on its knees and renders it nearly incoherent.  

There’s this line in Nikita, spoken by Nikita: “If all anyone saw were the things I did for Division, they’d think I was a monster.” The line is both an acknowledgement of the terrible things she did, and that she is more than those things. In theory, the same line can be applied to Sydney: she worked for a terrorist organization for seven years, but that’s not the whole story; she is not defined by those seven years.  In Nikita’s case, this understanding allows her to approach others who have done harm with a measure of empathy and an understanding that people are complicated. In Sydney’s case…not so much.  

Something that is never really acknowledged in Alias is that Sydney is never actually considered a monster, even though she worked for a terrorist organization for seven years. Immediately after showing up at the C.I.A. with dyed hair and a song, her circumstances were, without question, considered by everyone to be sufficiently mitigating, and the harm she might have caused to the United States or global safety is never addressed. This is bonkers and unreal, even applying the SpyDaddy-smoothed-things-over-behind-the-scenes factor, but let’s go with it.  Still, it raises the question: why is SpyMommy considered a monster and not Sydney?  

There’s all the killings, I guess.  However improbable it is that Sydney’s years at SD-6 did not bring with it a direct (or even indirect) body count, that’s the story Alias is sticking with, and that represents an actual true point of divergence between SpyMommy and Sydney. That said, there are three problems here.

The first problem is that the divergence makes little sense, not in the story Alias claims to be—redemption stories don’t work if the person being redeemed is guiltless, and until the series can come with an in-universe explanation to accompany the reason why they chose, as writers, to head this direction (i.e., they were too cowardly to make Sydney a morally gray character the genre requires her to be), then this will continue to be an issue.    

The second problem, an extension of the first, is that it’s a bit rich to see Sydney say that SpyMommy is somehow evil for doing the same job Sydney does. Granted, Sydney herself may not have assassinated people, but assassination is very much part of the C.I.A.’s playbook, and for Sydney (or anyone else, for that matter) not to acknowledge it makes her far more foolish than the writers intended her to be.

(This is, strictly speaking, an Alias problem and not a Sydney problem—its view of the C.I.A. is short-sighted and uncritical, which, along with the show’s ingrained sexism, has left us with a story where spies are essentially superheroes.)

The third problem is that just one episode ago, Sydney seemed ready to accept and reconcile with the fact that Jack Bristow was the sort of person who would, with malice aforethought, engineer a murder in order to save Sydney; even more glaringly, she was ready to do the same when it seemed like he was the KGB spy. Why, then, is SpyMommy different?  While Sydney has every right to have inconsistent feelings, it doesn’t make sense for nobody to note the dissonance, nor does it help improve the story.    

We’re forced, then, to consider that the thing that makes SpyMommy a monster is who she’s doing espionage for—the K.G.B., instead of the C.I.A.—which only gets Alias into further problems. While the argument that the morality of an action is determined by who performs it—rather than by the action and its effects—isn’t exactly unpopular, it is shocking to see a work subscribe to it so uncritically. And yet, this is what the series has done from the beginning.  In refusing to draw a line between what Sydney did for SD-6 and what Sydney does for the C.I.A., the series has rendered both organizations equivalent—opposite sides of the same coin.  And that would be fine, IF the series were willing to be critical of the C.I.A. It’s not, and that means that scenario that is meant to be partly about the complexities of morality is instead rendered as a black-vs.-white jingoistic conflict, one that still manages to be very fun but is woefully empty.  

[fialleril]

In DAV are the Inquisitors part of Vader's rebel activities? Alternatively, in a Much Better Timeline the Inquisitors are not Inquisitors, but are Anakin's students in a reformed Jedi Order

The answer to this is…somewhat complicated. The Inquisitors have appeared in a few published DAV fics so far, most notably in The Unstolen Child, where Anakin straight up murders two of them over skype to protect Ahsoka and the mom and daughter she’s hiding. The daughter who was supposed to become an Inquisitor herself.

So here’s my working theory about the Inquisitors: there are, or at least were meant to be according to Palpatine’s plan, two “waves” of Inquisitors. The first wave are those who joined as adults, in many cases very shortly after the Empire was formed. They were already trained in the Force, many of them by other Dark Side sects, though I suspect some of them are actually fallen Jedi.

The second wave are people who were identified as Force sensitive at birth. The Empire still administers the same midichlorian tests at birth that the Republic once did. Children identified as Force sensitive go onto the Inquisitors’ lists, and once they’re old enough (generally around the age of five), they’re taken for training.

That was the plan, anyway. It took a few years to get the operation up and running, though. (Partly, I think, because Palpatine hadn’t fully decided how he wanted to approach things, or just how many Force sensitive agents he wanted at any given time, as they could prove either an asset or a liability.)

The names on those lists are the kids that Ahsoka has made a career out of rescuing. She knows that the Rebellion has a contact within the Empire who obtains the Inquisitors’ lists of Force sensitive children. She doesn’t know who that contact is, or how they get their information, but she knows the information is good because she’s been acting on it for years and she’s saved, as of ESB time frame (which is roughly when The Unstolen Child is set), several dozen kids.

She has no idea that Darth Vader is the source of that information, or that he’s a double agent at all. Mon Mothma is the only one who knows what rebel agent provides them with the Inquisitors’ lists.

And how does Vader get away with it? Surely Palpatine would notice that there have been no new recruits to his Inquisitors for something like fifteen years now?

Of course he notices. He also knows damn well that Vader is the reason for the lack of new Inquisitors. He’s both pleased and annoyed by that fact: annoyed because it means his elite Force sensitive black ops squad is shrinking by the day, but pleased because this is one of the few areas in which Vader actually shows some spark.

Because the Inquisitors are an implied threat to Vader’s position as Sith apprentice. There is always the risk that Palpatine could decide to replace him, as he has replaced all of his previous apprentices, and of course Vader knows this. The fact that Palpatine has named Vader “Master” over all of his potential replacements is intended as salt in the wound, and Vader of course knows that, and Palpatine knows that he knows that.

So Palpatine is quite aware that Vader is the reason for the absolute failure of his Inquisitors to bring in any new recruits. He believes that Vader is eliminating the competition - and he believes that in the most literal way possible. Anakin wants him to believe that, of course, and, well…it is entirely believable. Palpatine and Anakin both know damn well that Anakin is capable of it.

*

I originally thought the still-unnamed DAV Mara fic was going to be an AU of an AU, but part of the reason I’m now leaning towards possibly just making it part of DAV canon is that Mara is kind of the bridge between the two groups of Inquisitors. She was “recruited” as a kid before Anakin became a double agent, and now she’s in the system. But she is a kid. She’s not like the older Inquisitors, or indeed Anakin himself, who all chose their allegiance to Palpatine and the Dark Side, however coerced that choice may have been.

I’m working with the idea that all of the kids who were meant to become Inquisitors post Anakin’s double agent turn have been rescued. Mara, I suspect, was something of a trial run for the Inquisitor program. She was the first child taken, and it’s implied in the fic that she’s all alone. I think Palpatine wanted to see how it played out with her first. I also think there’s a very real possibility that he actually was grooming Mara specifically to be Anakin’s replacement as Sith apprentice.

One thing that’s important to note but is only hinted at in the fic (because it’s from a very limited third person POV and Mara doesn’t know enough about Vader or his situation to guess any of this): Anakin did not know that the Inquisitors were training a child. That first time he meets Mara, when he just stands there awkwardly staring down at her and finally says, “What are you doing here, child?” - he reacts like that because he is very surprised to see a kid there, but the implications are already becoming clear to him.

So Mara is, although she’ll probably never know it, most likely the reason Anakin finds out about the Inquisitors’ lists in the first place. In an indirect way, all of the other kids are rescued because of her.

For Mara, though, it’s not that simple. She’s already undergone a lot of indoctrination. And Anakin himself is bound in a lot of ways. If he’s going to help her somehow, he’s going to be playing a long game, and doing so under not just the Emperor’s nose, but the noses of all the other Inquisitors, too.

So…I think it will probably surprise no one if I tell you that Mara is going to end up rebelling, yes. Whether she will be involved in Anakin’s rebel activities as Ekkreth, or involved with the Alliance, is a different question.

[sunagitsunee]

Achilles Heel

Hurt / Comfort, Levi Ackerman x Hanji Zoe

POST 115 FIC

ALSO IN AO3

The patterns of the exposed beams of the ceiling were suddenly the most interesting thing in the room.

Levi had been past his major self-loathing stage, one that immediately kicked in after his stupor post the explosion. He’d been through despondency and helplessness after realizing the mishap took out parts of him that were necessary for battle. Denial was there, too, with the fact that he was a diminished version if himself after the accident—that he might not be the strongest one anymore.

What was eating him away was the guilt: survivor’s guilt. Or more so, having to bide his time until he could fully recover just so he could return to the battlefield.

Basically, he had to stay put, bathe in peace, while their allies were dying by the minute. 

To him, it was an indirect murder by his hands, because he failed.

Once more he was unsuccessful in fulfilling his promise to his previous commander, just because he was being uncharacteristically reckless. And to make it worse, his current commander was stuck nursing him back to health instead of watching over the poor kids left to finish what they had started.

It was all fucked up.

No—scratch that. It was beyond fucked up.

Levi had already faced all kinds of defeat ever since his memory had afforded to remember. And he thought losing his mother, his dearest friends, his own squad, and even Erwin, were already the peak of the damnation of his existence. He was clearly mistaken.

Because this time, he had lost a little more than himself, and gained back one thing he had forsaken a long time ago.

Well, he had spent the last decade redeeming himself from the clutches of the underground. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, that was what everyone called him. He walked and talked the reputation. He devoted himself to his host and to the cause of saving humanity that the supposed burden became his second skin, to the point that his emotions got in the way—so he got rid of it.

As they say, they had to become what they wanted to kill. And he, including several other members of the original Survey Corps, became monsters to eradicate other monsters. Living with the armor of ferociousness for so long made him forget what it was like to feel despair. People had died left and right and tears came out reservedly, away from a mere human being’s gaze. No big deal.

Before the accident that rendered him catatonic for days, he had the impression that he would outlive everyone, so he had no problems of thinking about who would die next. Normally, his soul would be crushed and be forced to move on the next second because everyone counted on him to carry on the will of the dead.

However, the brush with good old death had changed things drastically.

He can die, alone and powerless. The truth was cold and unforgiving. It hit him like a brick wall. And he hated it.

Years and years of bravado and confidence had led up to this point. And the biggest problem was, who will carry on his will and those who died before him once he is gone? Who was strong enough to bear all the weight he carried in his back? All the lives which were sacrificed, if he couldn’t let them live on through someone else, would they have been wasted all for naught?

Who would care to remember him if he was to suddenly disappear, and no one else was around?

That was not even the worst.

The most fucked up thing that ever happened in that incident was being in the brink of oblivion, almost fading out, but then meeting the gaze of someone else that was filled with terror and sadness over the fact that he was, in fact, perishing.

It stung so bad, that it made him cower at the thought of biting the dust just like that.

He had never thought about it before, to be honest. But back then during his last breaths, when he had the sliver of chances to look upon the face of the person who was calling him back to reality: he saw that expression. Anguished was not even enough to describe what he witnessed. Fear, confusion, resolve, despair, longing… hundred more waves broke through his savior’s—Hanji's—facade while they held him gently, while he clung to that warmth as if it was his lifeline.

Which was stupid. Because they aren’t normally like that. They’d laugh and shout but not once did they throw those sentiments at him without holding back. They were strong like him. They’d lost people too, but they stood up and fought on.

So why, why did the glimpse of their face in sorrow made his wounds ache a thousand times more than they should?

Pathetic. Levi had convinced himself over these past few days that it should be the last time that he’d let them go through that. He wouldn’t go out like that. He’d never want to see Hanji’s eyes, the most vibrant pair he’d ever met, be clouded again in his dying moments.

He would have to make do of what’s left of him to push through, no matter how lamentable the outlook seemed.

 “Knock, knock.”

As if on cue, his rumination was disrupted with the voice that retrieved him from the underworld. The door revealed Hanji’s resigned frame, and light steps against the wood followed after as they approached his rigid figure in the tub.

Levi slowly turned his head towards them and took note of their sullenness behind the pretentious but affable smile.

“What? Don’t tell me you wanna take a bath with me?”

“Maybe. But I suck at doing it. You blasting me with water is still the best way to do it.”

Scoff. “It’ll be a different experience since I have less fingers to blast you with.”

He watched how they winced for a split second, probably a knee-jerk reaction after being reminded of his current setbacks. Hanji finally let out a sigh after holding their breath for several seconds before setting by the floor, absentmindedly playing with his bath water by dipping an entire arm.

“I talked with our hosts. The Azumabitos are displeased with how we are doing. Understandably so. But they are willing to hide us until you’re fully on your feet. Thanks to them, I’ve sent a coded message to Mikasa for our current status.”

“Yeah. And are they still all alive?”

“Presumably. Eren was dead for some time, but as expected of shifters, they can transfer consciousness and heal.”

“Fuck those shifters.” Good thing the kids were still kicking, but man, fuck Zeke and his existence. He spearheaded all this fuckery. And he’s still out there thanks to him.

“Our forces have withdrawn for the meantime… They have control over our new recruits, and most of our leaders have been transformed to…titans… I’ve instructed Jean to gather our remaining allies and rummage for whatever is salvageable. I'm—”

Hanji paused and bit their lip before punching the edge of the tub with their other hand, so hard that he felt the tremors from the impact. Levi knew them all too well, they were frustrated, more so with themselves rather than anything else.

“Damn… We’ve lost so much. I was never suited to be this. I’m such a fucking mess. Erwin would have pulled a miracle out of our asses by now. You know that. I’m sure you think the same way.”

NO! Obviously! Erwin was gone, right? And Levi chose it to be that way. He still doesn’t regret the choice of letting him rest, keeping him safe from this abhorrent world. Except that seeing Hanji at the end of their wits was every bit of torturous for him, too. But still…

“You said it before, Hanji. Outcomes aren’t determined by a single choice. Don’t take all the blame.”

Another fist hit the keg. “But I am at fault. I failed to draw a good gamble, and I got you injured by a flaw in the weapon that I made. I’m… I’m sorry, Levi. I’m not even sure if that amounts to anything anymore….”

Jeez.

Hanji was at it again. His guilt was already a thing, but theirs were like a second punch in the gut. They needed to be coherent as soon as possible for all their sakes, and Levi was one of the handful who could knock some sense into them.

“That’s the fiftieth goddamn apology you’ve managed to spew, and as far as I know, you aren’t supposed to be a deprecatory ass.” He spoke a little louder, making sure to emphasize every word. “Maybe if you stopped gambling and living in Erwin’s shadow and be precise like you used to be, those words would actually bear something.”

They went silent for a while, with only the drops from the faucet accentuating the stillness. Hanji was crouched away from his sight, probably pondering on their shortcomings, wallowing on the hurt from his statements, or perhaps repeating his harsh preaching like a mantra until they were consequential.

In the first place, they were the only person who could read between the lines no matter what foul words he spat out.

What he meant, anyway: Hanji had always been the better person, and if there was anyone who could get their stride back, it was them. They just had to get out of their slump, and they need to be back to their usual self. That he trusted them, and that he would do anything for them.

His speech seemed fruitful, much to his relief. When they straightened up, there were less shadows on their face, albeit the weeks of sleep deprivation and stress made the frown lines seem permanent.

Hanji tapped the surface of the water, purposefully splashing on his body, and some, hitting his face.

“Asshole,” they said. Levi kicked lightly and the ripples overflowed until they got into their clothes, too. He got a stifled gasp as a response.

“That’s the shitty glasses that I know.”

They chuckled but stopped abruptly to move closer until their faces were the same level. Their chin rested against the tub and their fingers hovered on the new scar that adorned his visage.

Caressing without touching, that is. For some reason it relaxed Levi; it was as if they were accepting his impairments instead of intruding upon him. It was their usual dynamic, one that went off-track when the war had started.

A thorn got dislodged from his heart knowing their thing was finally back.

“I’m sorry, Levi. Just this once, I say not as your commander. I truly am sorry.”

He shifted fully to his side so their good eyes could meet. There was something thick building up in his throat; he could have ignored it but decided against it. If he didn’t say it on the spot, he may never have the chance to do so.

“Thank you. And this is personal. You could’ve left me there. A dead man served no purpose to your goals, but you ended up putting your life on the line as well. You’re that dumb, but you saved me. I owe you. Everything.”

Hanji smiled and let their touch graze his jaw, right where the gash ended.

“I will admit, I was being selfish in that one. I could have let you rest, but I was scared. I… couldn’t let you go in the end.”

His chest drummed at their words and how they rolled off from their tongue.

“Scared, huh.“

He was, as well. Openly. For the first time. And if the situations were reversed, he’d risk his life to save them, too. Maybe the fear of losing them was a big part of his weakness now, but it’s a weakness he’d have to live with moving forward. "Maybe we are humans after all…”

“Yeah, you monster… I… just realized I needed you. Only humans do that kind of thing, I guess…?”

Needed. By the way the russet in their eye glinted, he knew they meant it in every sense of the word, and he too, felt the same way. More than they could both comprehend. More than the bonds of the dying breed that they share.

It was needing in a much, much, intimate level. And it took that recent trip to demise to bring those feelings bursting to the surface.

Levi’s hand met theirs, and he immediately appreciated the familiar warmth in contrast with the cold water. He held it down by his neck and rested against their palm. Hanji lightly squeezed on his skin.

“Hey… Don’t die alone, Levi. Don’t die before me. Get our freedom in my stead if I go. Promise me.”

He could feel their breath grazing in his face, and it nearly wanted him to breach the small distance that kept them apart and catch their lips. But no, this was not the time for it. It was unfair. War had no space for such ties.

He decided he would do it when they’re finally free, only then, since they deserved the whole of him. They’d start a new life together, that was his new resolve.

Instead, Levi smiled and brought his handicapped grip to nestle on their cheek.

“Don’t be stupid. If you go down, I go down. If you live, I live. So do your damned best to survive, and I would keep at it too. That’s what I can promise.”

Hanji turned their head to press their lips longingly to his palm before speaking.

“Of course… that seems fair to me.”

[yawmanzo]

Yaws Personal Reflection on Touken

When I first watched/really read Tokyo ghoul, although I shipped Touken to get together eventually by some point; I didn't really understand why they fall so hard for each other at first. Upon looking back however, a lot of that could be attributed to the very nature of both characters. Touka (read here for my reflection on her) with a harsh/lashing out and violent exterior due to the violent past in which she grew up in as a ghoul, whilst still having a gentle interior and being selfless in most cases wanting to help others even whilst getting herself hurt.

Kaneki with a gentle exterior, yet a violent interior due to his own past and misgivings that we all know of as a human and being selfish in wanting to be needed by others and unconsciously hurting others by trying to burden everything upon himself and not fully rely on others.

I've noticed how Ishida likes portraying the values of Yin and Yang between the two (depicting them as polar opposites attracting and being complementary/interconnected/interdependent with some similarities as well, he did explicitly say they are characters of a set after all when he came up with them). Passive/ Active. Strong/Weak. Black/White. Direct/Indirect. Selfish/Selfless. Human/Ghoul. Harsh/Kind.

These terms aren't purely static stances but rather semblances of self that each saw/admired/invoked in the other, both positive and negative.

Kaneki said human relationships are like chemical reactions, if you have a reaction, you can't return back to your previous state of being.

Touka was there and saved Kaneki numerous times in Part 1 when he desperately needed someone the most aside from Hide and the others, while Kaneki also saved her several times.

What I love is the evolution of their feelings and relationship that started out pretty horribly with both seeing each other in a negative light as human (living a good peaceful life) and ghoul (being an evil killing monster).

The fact that a human becoming a half ghoul developed to be able to care and fall in love with a full ghoul that hated herself, the world, struggled working and living life as a human and ghoul is really phenomenal narratively speaking. Kaneki saw past all of Touka's violent exterior anger issues and looked at the gentle interior she possessed when it comes to how much she cares about people other than herself, even as a murderer. “If you died Touka-chan, I'd probably be sad”.

That line is so simple, yet for Touka it created a lasting impression since no one in her life really in viewed that kind value upon her, also count in her abandonment issues in always being left alone (Hikari, Arata, Ayato, later the Anteiku crew at the end of part 1).

Even if she had the Anteiku crew, no one truly gave that emphatic value about her life having importance and worth as a ghoul trying to LIVE in the human world amongst all the killing and violent predicaments of murder in the world, not even her uncle Renji or old man Yoshimura, even though they did look out for her. Meanwhile for Kaneki he felt like he belonged somewhere, again his most desperate desire. He felt needed as their friendship grew in training, fighting and working together, he wasn't alone anymore.

Even after getting separated after the Aogiri arc (about 6 months) and the Re time skip (about 3 years) you could always notice the subtle mentions of how much both thought of each other, Touka wanting to see him again and especially from Kaneki’s perspective even after each personality change in always mentioning Touka and Hide separately from every other important person in his life.

All personalities have mentioned her separately from everyone else (yes even centipede), “The others, Touka-chan and Hide”.

Even with the infamous bridge scene in part 1, Hide entrusted and helped Touka to expose Kaneki. And she did, however she unfortunately fell back on her violent anger issues and communication problems in truly conveying what she felt to Kaneki due to what can be seen as her fury at him being just like Arata and even Ayato to an extent. Kaneki promised never to leave her, yet he lied and left her to become stronger and shoulder all the burdens of everyone by himself in some tragic hero manner. Yet this time Kaneki genuinely believed his own lies, wanting to sacrifice himself to protect others when he said he wouldn't leave them.

However, unknown to Touka at that time, that encounter made Kaneki want to go back to Anteiku. “Touka, can I come back?”.

Haise sees her after 3 years at the second Anteiku home “Re” and cries after seeing that Touka was still alive after all this time and the encounter is titled “Inherited feelings”. Not for the person he knew the most in terms of time span, but for the beautiful person that created such a huge impression on him at the most vulnerable periods of his life after becoming a half ghoul and not having a true grasp on both worlds and companionship.

Is it unrealistic that Touka waited over 3 years for him and still had feelings only for him? “Even if time has passed, even if our bodies have changed, even if he had forgotten me completely... As long as he comes back home, things will be alright”.

Mostly yes for the majority but not strictly no… I view everything as not strictly one way with this; the main thing is about deep impressions that both instilled in each other, kinda like Star Crossed lovers, “I have faith in him, he will return”.

Touka was even willing to prioritize Kaneki’s own happiness and well being over hers as Haise in not forcing him to come back, but waiting for him come back of his own free will, even with all the new relationships Haise/Kaneki developed with other characters like the Qs family.

Time, change and distance never stopped them from still yearning to see the other, even amongst them both living different lives with different people and settings in part 2 of Re, most notably Haise/Kaneki with the Qs, CCG, Juuzou, Akira, Arima, Eto etc. Haise often visited Re just to look at her like he did with Rize even with his suppressed memories, even at times wondering what that girl(Touka) was up to. “I wonder what that person is doing today, on a date maybe?”.

Fast forward later to Touka also wondering about what Kaneki was up to in their 121-122 conversation... “Are you a virgin?”.

Black Reaper, the most savage,harsh and suicidal personality even changed his whole stance on dying simply upon looking at Touka in Cochlea.

This was also reinforced by Arimas threats in killing his ghoul friends, and the Hide inner dialogue about eventually finding a reason to live. I viewed this as a reverse of “If you died, I'd be sad” from part 1, both were scared at the very thought of the other dying. This time Touka is the gentle and kind exterior, Kaneki the violent harsh exterior not caring about his own life until someone reminded him the value of his life and the people that still care about that life. “Your life has MEANING, to us and to ME” type of thing, and as ghouls, they are hardly given any true instances of happiness, care and love that lasts before meeting a tragic end, some fuckery or death due to the harsh nature of the world.

The fact that they got together so quickly and yes rushed, after losing cafe Re and both feeling lonely and taking comfort in each other in 125 I found really emotional.

Touka asking Kaneki “Why are you crying?” was such a sweet gesture when you remember Haise crying when he first saw her in Re, but also how Kaneki felt that he was always beat a lot by the people he loved the most. And yet he was able to fully expose himself and have an extremely intimate moment with the woman that he's in love with, and to find out that she also loves him back and didn't hurt him at all this time.

Additionally was finding out that Kaneki  was “dying” and how quickly they married after finding out about Touka’s pregnancy and her even CHOOSING Kaneki and their child over saving her best friend Yoriko (one of Kaneki's biggest flaws in choosing), for me only reaffirmed how desperate and strong each others feelings were for each other. Touka chose a life with Kaneki, something he wanted his mother to do… Choose him.

It's kinda like... “We lost each other before so many times, let's just confirm everything while we're still alive (The marriage bite mark and ring) because who knows when we'll lose these moments and our time together,” especially at how unforgiving shit can be with most TG relationships (AKA Eto’s parents Ukina and Kuzen, Touka’s parents Arata and Hikari and so forth).

Their love is flawed, rushed and has several problems yes with the time development and communication issues in execution... (I truly wish Ishida gave Touka more screen time and development in most of Re although she has developed and changed from Part 1 in her own way); but they are still growing and learning, nothings ever perfect. In fact even with that time discrepancy and change, its one of those relationships that's so genuine and loyal AF to me. Both can see the dark horror in each other, yet still love each other regardless and show genuine care to go through such lengths to make sure the other is okay in a world where such a thing for ghouls and humans is extremely rare.  Especially during all the fuckery in the previous Underground and Dragon arcs. ALL of the Kaneki personalities agreed to literally kill and eat the Oggai children along with humans and ghouls (becoming a monster) just to see Touka again in fear of her death and hopefully to name his kid one day, repeatedly chanting her name over and over.

Touka played a prominent role and went out to save her husband with the CCG, Hide, hell even the Qs... incurring so much damn physical damage via all the fighting and all the mental/emotional stress concurred spanning days to weeks whilst fucking PREGNANT, starving herself with human food, and weakened as a ghoul.

Again, love is complicated, and it's not exactly “healthy” per say from that point of view… I'd say these two need some damn marriage counseling or some shit😂, but it is MUTUALLY genuine given the fucked up circumstances. (I'm also glad it didn't fall under the common anime/manga trope of “Will they? Won't they? shipping game that stalls for time... Just do it! Especially when TG isn't a romance manga, although it has romantic elements)

Personally for me, Touken represents an overall symbol of coexistence and hope for humans and ghouls (the positive core message of TG, even though yes I know it's not the main focal point outside all the story fuckery as a whole). It illustrates breaking past the species barrier of mutual understanding along with other ships to a degree like Ukina x Kuzen, Nishiki x Kimi etc; and I find it beautiful that Kaneki finally has a tangible reason to LIVE, with his Best Waifu Touka… And now also his Best Bro Hide and everyone else.

I wish I could add more insight, but as you can see... I'm a Touken boy through and through😅

[babaleshy]

Time for me to rant. If anybody is morbidly curious about what it’s like to live with Trump supporter parents where one parent basically projects himself onto Trump, you can click the thingie. But the context of how this is different from other times I’ve bitched about my folks on my old account is we’re not starving for once. We actually have some money and are trying to get some shit together so we can take care of the urgent needs such as fucking house repairs and shit.

So... We live on a farm. I won’t say where, but right over the hill is a goddamn oil pad. My parents aren’t rich or anything from the oil rights, but I am reluctantly admitting that we are finally getting some money in to where we could repair our tub so we don’t have to risk blisters from pulling a DIY string to turn on the cold water through a ventilation duct because the faucet is fucked. We also got the train to our tub fixed so that way when we shower, we’re not standing in filthy-ass water that can’t drain properly no matter what we shove down the drain to fix it with. We had to replace the entire drainage system for both bathrooms.  Yes. Both bathrooms. The second one is just a toilet and a sink but that sink had the same clog problem due to YEARS of rust build-up because there’s so much goddamn iron in our well water, which my dad states is “actually water coming in from a flooded mineshaft,” and at this point, it would not surprise me if he was right for once.

We also finally got new working vehicles we don’t have to keep taking in for repairs we can’t afford in hopes we can make it to the grocery store or in hopes my mom and my husband can make it to work. Still 2 vehicles, but they are much newer than what we had before (I’m not car-smart, so I couldn’t tell you what years they are or whatever).

My mom also finally paid off all of the credit card debt we were drowning in. This includes both of mine we were forced to use and max out and never make payments on because we couldn't afford to eat several times. That’s about $3k in the hole if you include late fees and interest on TWO credit cards under MY NAME. Because we didn’t have money on us so we could fucking eat.

We are hoping that soon we can get all of our teeth fixed. My husband and I have wisdom teeth in dire need of removal. All of his are rotten, one of mine is rotten but all four are crowding my teeth, all four of us have cavities in our teeth we’re doing our best to keep from getting worse. So the next logical step is teeth. I’m trying to apply for Medicaid but now apparently you’re required to do that over the phone, now and I need a day during the week where my husband has off so I can get some help with this phone call (long story, I just have trouble with phone calls). We also really hope we can find a dentist and oral surgeon NOT IN THIS AREA. A BIG REASON WHY HALF MY TEETH ARE FUCKED IS BECAUSE OF PURPOSEFULLY BOTCHED JOBS BY AN ASSHOLE DENTIST SO YOU’D KEEP GOING IN AND HAVING YOUR FILLINGS RE-DONE.

But hey! We’re doing financially better, now. Especially since my mom plans to give me birthday money this year, and my parents don’t seem to have a problem with paying (if necessary) to help me get tested for dyslexia.

With all of this good news, you’d think my dad would be just tickled, right?

Nope.

He bitches about spending money. He has a mole hill of money he sees as a mountain and he wants to sit on it and never spend it. He bitches anytime spending has to take place. At all. He parrots any and all things Trump promotes and shit. My dad wants to be Trump. My dad is racist, thinks Mexicans are invading America to take our jobs and rape our women and murder Americans (same with any non-white refugee from anywhere), he thinks the military doesn’t get enough support of any sort, with his excuse being “we need to make sure we can show the world we can destroy it at any time we want to so the rest of the world respects us.” Btw, he equates fear with respect. There is no debating him. I’ve tried.

My dad says if he is somehow convinced his xtian god isn’t real, then what’s the point in being a good person? He’d start killing everybody just because there would be no god to judge him. THIS IS THE SIGN OF A MENTALLY UNHEALTHY, UNSTABLE, UNSAFE INDIVIDUAL. Luckily, my dad is actually all talk 99.9% of the time. My dad is lazy, and even states that his ideal life is to sit in an apartment without ever having to move, and he’d have servants at his beck and call. He actually tried several times to convince my mom to move into an impoverished part of the south intentionally because “we would live like kings with the money we’ve got coming in right now.” He’s full of shit because it actually isn’t that much money. It’s just that we can stop starving. (For context, my mom wants to move north ever since her mom/my grandma died because her sister is all she has left and she lives up north, and since Kent State is up there, I’m fine with that.)

My dad wants to sit around and be lazy and absorb any and all conspiracy theories on YouTube that appeals to his fucked up worldviews on a device he claims to hate and wishes never existed. He also bitches about having to drive my husband around, who “should have gotten his permit and license by now” despite the fact that he finally got new glasses after 10+ years of not being able to afford to upgrade his prescription and needs to get used to his new vision. My dad is convinced that because he willed himself through his own problems that literally everyone else can do the same. My dad is the most self-centered adult outside of celebrity-hood I’ve ever seen. My husband has anxiety because being behind the wheel of a machine that could easily kill people freaks him out, and he’s not sure if he can see a counselor for managing his anxiety on a regular basis is going to be possible right now.

My dad thinks my husband works at a retail video game store to support his hobby and nothing else “because of all the damn games and statues he keeps buying” when my dad likes to ignore the fact that employee discounts, clearance sales, trade-in credits, and special deals exist. 

My dad is a miserable old bastard, and because we’re in the same situation as him, he cannot stand how we enjoy ourselves to make the most of it. Misery loves company, and he can’t get past the fact that his life changed forever when he got hurt and permanently disabled at the steel mill back in ‘95. He has since then refused to accept what has happened to him, and would rather be a miserable piece of shit and take down anyone else nearby with him. Which could be why he bitches about having money he can spend, now.

And he does all of his venting at my husband. I know my dad is trying to goad my husband into saying or doing something stupid so my dad has a reason to either kick us out or be physically violent. My dad doesn’t like the fact that my husband isn’t a fucking idiot. My husband grew up with a family full of anger-filled assholes. He knows the ropes as much as I do. And the fact that my husband sticks up for me while I’m not around shows to my dad that my husband truly does love me, and wouldn’t only stick up for me while I’m around. He has called my dad on his shit quite a bit when I’m not around. My dad HATES that he can’t dangle the indirect message of “you’re all by yourself, no one else thinks you’re right” above my head. And ever since my husband started routinely calling my dad out on his shit, or defending me when my dad bitches about me over stupid shit, my dad has backed off me for the most part.

My dad wasn’t counting on me getting married to a good man. My dad previously equated good men with financial wealth. Turns out my dad was proven wrong, and he can’t stand it. That fucker is the whole reason why I have had so many self-image insecurities (and still do) and my dad can’t stand it that my husband isn’t joining him on mocking me. My husband tells him to fucking stop. My dad dares not do it in front of my mom, because she tells him to stop.

My parents aren’t in a very health marriage. There’s more footage of convincing evidence of Bigfoot than there are times my parents did something together because they love each other, and I’m not talking about anything expensive, either.

Mom sleeps on the couch because she told me she can’t stand his snoring. However, I remember my mom once telling me that my dad “doesn’t have an ‘off’ switch with his libido” so I’m guessing that’s another reason why.

Both of them sit in the same room on opposite sides of the room (mom on the couch, dad in the busted-ass armchair) on their devices (mom on her tablet and/or phone and dad on the computer that’s by/in front of his chair), only talking to each other about certain articles they read, and not much else. They’ll occasionally watch something on the TV together on Netflix or Hulu but that’s about it.

Mom wanted to live on a farm and raise horses ever since she was a little girl, and through manipulation and the excuse of 4-H projects through me and my brother, she finally got her wish. And my dad is against having any animals of any sort. All he does is bitch about them. He also bitches about how much country my mom listens to (and I can’t blame him there; my mom is the whole reason why country music is the bane of my fucking existence).

Aside from boinking to have 2 kids and mourning over the loss of one of them, my parents have very little in common. I have no idea how or why they got together other than my dad made my mom laugh and didn’t break her jaw like her ex-husband did, my dad had 3 exes and wanted to make the 4th one count, and my mom found out she was pregnant with me before dad proposed (I’m GUESSING knocking my mom up is what made them decide to marry, I dunno).

My mom has (VERY FEW) redeeming qualities, so I take advantage of her mama bear nature to ensure I’m safe under the same roof as my dad. I’m unintentionally appealing to her desire for a farmer-daughter by wanting to garden, though I made it very clear I will never be responsible for farm animals again. She also doesn’t mind the fact that she’ll never be a grandmother to human babies. I’m willing to bet it’s because she never wanted me and doesn’t blame me for not wanting kids of my own. She gets points for not being exactly like her own mother, but I could’ve used some meaningful and caring mother-daughter bonding instead of the distant I-see-you-as-a-burden-now-that-we-are-living-in-poverty treatment I got growing up.

I could point all of this out to my parents, and they would rather spend more time coming up with excuses or redirecting the blame instead of, you know, APOLOGIZING FIRST. And I say this because I have brushed on the topic before and they got SUPER defensive about it.

I was an accident, they got married probably so I wouldn’t be born out of wedlock and so their respective families wouldn’t look down upon them, they thought they had this and had a second kid, a year to two years later dad gets hurt at the mill and we’ve been impoverished ever since but because boys bring more promise of success than girls---especially girls who are different like I was and still am---my brother was automatically the favorite. And I was always screamed at.

Boy would I love to see a therapist instead of a one-hour visit with a counselor trying to figure out as much of why my brain is the way it is once a friggin’ week. Not blaming the counselor, because he’s awesome. But my counselor did say that he’s actually a bit surprised but glad I’ve figured out some way to live with this. It’s because I know how they act, how their minds work, how they would react if I said or did this or that. Having all of this free time and being alone with my thoughts because my husband works his ass off for pennies only for my dad to try and make him spend money on necessities instead of spending his own goddamn money has allowed me to think about and even analyze my own parents; how they act, why they act this way, why they’ve acted that way, etc.

I do consider myself lucky that they aren’t worse than this. My mom is actually much more understanding with me, now, and that’s probably because I’m the last child she has left. So I guess after living in a shit or unhappy marriage and working her ass off to raise two kids and then losing one, she tries to be the good xtian mother and be thankful for what she has now. It’s a guess, though. The whole thing could be a facade for all I fucking know.

Dad’s all talk, but because his tone is the same whether or not he makes his shitty, stupid jokes, or can’t keep certain thoughts to himself and feels the need to say them aloud (SUCH AS POINTING OUT I HAVE CLEAVAGE LIKE IT’S SOME “OMG WOW YOU HAVE BOOBIES NOW AFTER HIGH SCHOOL” IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY COLLEGE IN MY EARLY TWENTIES THANKS DAD THAT WAS CREEPY WHAT THE FUCK), it’s hard to tell whether or not he’s serious about some of the shit he says.

He projects himself onto Trump because he wants to BE Trump. Trump says if Ivanka wasn’t his daughter, he’d date her. I wouldn’t be surprised (I’d still be creeped out) if my dad said something similar. And he has tried to talk about my appearance and how I could make money with it such as a pin-up cosplay calendar because apparently I “look so attractive” while at the same time he shames me for having “skin so pale my legs blind him from reflecting so much light while I wear shorts.” And when I call him out on it, he genuinely thinks he’s done no wrong. My dad is pretty much Trump Lite, and it’s creepy.

But I know the fucker. I can play at his fucked up game, too. All I gotta do is talk about periods or vaginas, because suddenly when his daughter talks about, you know, being a human, suddenly it’s just too much for him.

And he hates I can play this fuck-ass game with him.

And I’m glad he hates it.

Because it’s evident he will never see himself in the wrong. He never has, never does, never will. Because he’s got one excuse or answer after another, and when he runs out, it’s time to drop the conversation before he gets pissed and ruins the night for everybody.

So I’m glad I’m good at playing this game back at him and being damn good at it. That’s what he gets for being a piece of shit.

[inappropriatefangirlneeds]

Gotham s5ep2 “Trespassers” Personal Review

“Maybe there's still good people left in Gotham.”   “Some say the darker angels of our nature are unlocked and set free.”  Warning spoilers below   

JIM GORDON  Mainland wants the GCPD to do nothing in the case of the children. “Your dedication to your job is admirable, Captain, but you lack perspective.” Jim Gordon says he needs supplies not opinions but Mainland says, nope. They won´t risk pilots (theirs or Wayne Enterprise´s). “So you can save a few lives for thousands, but I can't?”  Touché. Jim got a point there.  HARVEY BULLOCK * Shows some (un)healthy pessimism.  “IF we get back.” / “Check out the basement in a creepy hotel by myself? Sure. What could go wrong, right?” * Still has the best lines: “Why would anyone be a cop in a world like this?” “Well, the Halloween shop was all out of gas masks, so it was either this or sexy nurse.”  * “Oh, my God. Oh. Not good. Oh, God. This This is not good.” And after having swiped through the teeth he still picks up the severed finger that is obviously a severed finger. Honey, what are you doing? The LOGERQUIST HOTEL Scene was awesome. Some reminiscence to earlier season, a side quest that gives you break from the greater mess. More please. > It´s just awesome that they just pulled the leaver and let them slide into a campy/classy horror. You just have to scream at the screen. Don´t leave the kids alone! Don´t split up! Don´t trust the other kid! How about you go for the lamps and try to destroy them instead of banging the door! (Harvey Bullock smashing the windows was a clever moment though, gotta give him that)  Just the whole atmosphere of that set alone. Love!  > This showed actual detective work and brought the plot and chara points of the macrocosm into  this microcosm  !!!!!!! It´s not only Harvey Bullock being weary of being sent into the basement (what could go wrong) that ties back to him not being keen to be shot standing next to Jim because Jim got the bounty on his head. It´s going right for the lingering pessimism that Harvey has been expressing (If we get back..) and him lecturing Jim that Jim´s methods (not killing Penguin) aren´t the right way for the mess they are in.  They have Harvey Bullock being so perceptive to point out the lit candle right away. “Jim, we're not alone. Someone lit that candle. “ To which JIM GORDON reacts with HOPE!    “In the old west, settlers used to leave a candle burning to lead others to safety. Maybe there's still good people left in Gotham.”  He´s not only playing the same record that he played the whole last episode (and I´m not shading him there, his attitude is great in that situation, otherwise what would there be left but despair for him and everyone else) but he´s also referencing HISTORY .. and I vaguely remember that this is not the first time he did that [[DOES AYONE have a better memory than I do? PLS tell me]] which brings back memories of early Jim Gordon that solves cases and Ed´s riddles. They at the same time concede hope a victory, they get to save the two kids and Gabriel but Jim Gordon has to leave the other boy behind: “Not everyone wants your help, Jim Gordon.”  IVY PEPPER   “The plants came to my protection. “ Ivy, how about you asked them to stop. “But this park ever since we were cut off from the rest of the world, it's been behaving differently. There are things growing here I have never seen before.” Okay fucks sake, I so hope that this is not true. First we get Ivy magically aged then we get Ivy stealing some potion aka none of her love for plants and research and experiments that I wanted to see and now she should be afraid of them even? How about no?! Okay, I´m glad they didn´t go there. “You know, I wasn't lying when I said this park is changing.I'm feeding the earth with these wretched creatures. It consumes them, and then it flourishes.”  >> Okay I can´t say that I like the “Ivy is a maniacal, cold-blooded killer.” but the mere suggestion of Ivy being intimidated and patronized by her plants scared me enough to be happyish about it. I´d still like to see her be just with her plants. Bring back her mushroom farm! Scratch all that murder business she had going on with Gotham and its people. Give her some space and place to care about her plants and learn more about them and okay if someone disturbs them or tries to harm them, and then bring out the murder. Maybe it might go into a direction like that now..... ?  Ivy more and more retreating into the branches of that tree, while talking to Bruce got me intrigued. “Where I'm going is none of your business. Best hurry. That root will die if left out in the open for too long.” Her being so mysterious, and ambiguous about if she can be trusted suits her. Much, much more than a snarly direct threat of murder.  She is her own entity, that does as she pleases and everything else if left to wonder what that might be! That would be a good attitude. QUESTION:  “One thing is for sure though the seed will alter her forever.” “How?” “Some say the darker angels of our nature are unlocked and set free.” So this “some say” does not sound like a general statement about the nature of humanity it does sound like some people talk about the effects of this particular plant on humans. Which begs the question: Who says this? The plants? Do they whisper to her? Is it meant indirectly as in the research she did told her that? Or are there actually other people with knowledge over matters like this? Are there records, writings, research with footnotes? Did Ivy read them? Did she do her own experiments. Who or what is this referring to. I need answers!! 

Also: Ivy is so ridiculously overpowered in this show, how the hell did those guys manage to lock her up? Also2: Is the guys story about them coming for their magic and getting killed true? Ivy at first  helping people? After all the nurse knew about her and thought she would help? Was she kind and people got greedy, demanded too much, wanted to take advantage of her? Then again she was not known as the helpful fairy but as witch, so there might have been something that got her that reputation .. but there also had to be something that got her a reputation as healer instead of solely being a murderous killer witch?  EDWARD NYGMA * How could he believe locking himself up would work if he just had the key in his pocket? This should have been some timed release system that didn´t give him access to the key until after a couple of hours. * Uhm, can TANK from the Street Demonz gang please stick around. I like him. I like those two together. That´s fun. “Did I, uh hit you, et cetera? Any idea why?” * Okay so sleepwalking or for him rather wakewalking Ed has orchestrated the demise of the Street Demonz in order to get some more chaos and war and likely Oswald´s head? Great. * “How did I seem? Was I confident, flamboyant, charisma for days? Or a little more conservative, kind of repressed, a little nerdy?” “You seemed stiff, man of few words. In a daze, actually.” “Interesting.” * “Well, whoever did just started one hell of a war.” Tank can you please stick around, I need a rough biker that gets to the heart of things like that on Eds side.   PREDICTION? Oswald put a bounty on Jim Gordan´s head. The criminals want to kill him. “Edward” likely put an indirect bounty on Oswald Cobblepot´s head, ciminals will want to kill them. However it seems Barbara Kean makes this situation less equal with protecting Jim Gordon from criminals and tightening the thumb screws on him in order to get Jim to kill Oswald. It just seems everyone´s best bet is to go get rid of Oswald right now. And I´m gonna be disappointed if Oswald doesn´t change back to his clever self and manipulate the situation in a way that ties his and Jim´s life back together  … SET DESIGN Yes this is a character on its own and it´s marvelous. * The Wallpaper in Edward Nygma´s bathroom is pretty. * Is that a can of beer on the window still next to Tank in the bathtub?? * Damn every place Ivy stays at is just eerie, beautiful and just stunning. * The halls of Logerquist Hotel are awesome and the perfect atmosphere. FunFact: John Logerquist founded Gotham in 1635 

* Someone had a field trip with the LIGHTNING [Edit: Link]  in this. First the bright lights in the conversation with Barbara Kean and Jim Gordon in the Sirens club, then the Lightning used as weapon  at the hotel. This all should be super obnoxious, like glaring out a charas whole face during a dialogue .. what .. but it all just works, and works really well. Damn.  Honorary mention: The light bulb and welding sparks 11:40 * Those safe houses that Lucius Fox set up looked like a dream again. Just like Lee with that train, or Jim visiting the retired Carmine. I just wait for someone to wake up, shatter the bubble, destroy the niceness. It slightly creeps me out every time they do that.   * “What do I do, just swallow it?” Okay Bruce Wayne should have told SELINA KYLE everything that Ivy said about that thing. This is not an informed medical decision: Me not moving vs. probably not me but moving is a relevant thing to know. Not that I think it would change anything for Selina, but they should have laid open all the information and it bugs me. It might kill you is just half of the story. It might change who you are even if it works is a significant thing to know about. * GABRIEL I literarily can´t believe he is still alive. That´s the kind of character that usually has the shortest shelf life. * Also how beautifully phrased was Bruce Wayne´s initial distrust towards Ivy is. “You'll forgive me if I find it hard to do so.” * “God, what have I done” Acting on point, acting over all point, acting is said point .. * “I'll tell you what! I'll take his head, and you can have the rest of him!” I giggled. (Context: He doesn´t need more than Jim´s head to collect the bounty from Penguin)