#*plays that sound that’s like SOMEBODY SEDATE ME*

[justmossyaps]

ah yes, thanksgiving, the perfect day to wake up overstimulated as all hell

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

hii if u write angst could u do a metallica one of whatever member u want where they cheat on u and just lots of angst im in the mood for heart ache

A/n: Hope this is angsty enough for you

This was based off of the song 'Blood and Tears' by Danzig, I listened to it on loop while writing this, I NEED THIS SONG INJECTED INTO MY VEINS SOMEBODY SEDATE ME

Warnigns: Angst, mentions of alcoholism, cheating (James on reader), slight gore (reader hits their head on the road), if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!

Part 2

You've lived with James for two years now, having been dating for almost five years. It was late, nearing midnight. The rain was coming down hard and soaking into your clothes as you lay in the middle of the road.

It was really just your driveway, the highway split off and led straight to your house, but you never counted it as your driveway because it was so long and winding. It was one of the aspect of the house you never appreciated much, but James was usually the one driving while you slept in the passenger seat beside him.

Although, his late night drives stopped. For you, anyway. He always asked you to come with him, begging you to knowing he'd be carrying you in afterwards since you'd always fall asleep.

He barely looked at you past 9:00 pm. You made dinner while he watched sports or played guitar in another room. He used to watch you cook, he'd never been a chef himself by any means, but he enjoyed just watching you. You ate in silence now, if you did speak he'd give short and quick answers, doing his best to keep you quiet.

He never turned down sex but you felt disgusting around him and rarely asked. He stopped buying you flowers, which was a weekly occurrence. He never complimented you, instead he made backhanded comments on your outfits and body, offering to take you to the gym.

They engraved themselves in your mind, all his terrible words. "That shirt doesn't fit you stomach anymore." "Were your legs always like that?" Or he'd just stare at you and sigh.

You knew something had been wrong, you came to the conclusion that he'd been seeing someone. After speaking with Kirk, Lars and Rob they did some digging and found out pretty quickly that there was another woman. Tensions rose in the band which made James irritable.

Of course it came out towards you, yelling that you just sat back and accepted after a while.

But he never hit you, so you never said anything. He never hit you, it wasn't that bad.

You'd been sitting in his study, a room filled with band memorabilia that he'd always show off, walking around the room with you and explaining each item. He got mad when you even knocked on the door now, but he got mad when you didn't as well and that was worse.

You sat at the windowsill, watching the rain come down. James loved when it rained, he said it reminded him that Cliff was still with him. He was out with his mistress, Friday night. Date night.

It looked so peaceful out. Thunder boomed, lightning struck the earth far in the distance, but right in front of you it was peaceful. The rain came down hard in big droplets.

You held your hand to the window, wanting to run out there and dance. James wasn't home, no one was home, no one was around at all. For the first time in what felt like forever, you felt a weight lift off your shoulders. You took your chance, not wasting a second to run out into the rain.

The sky was dark and you watched the stars dance from miles and miles away, head resting on the asphalt. Crickets chirped in the background, frogs croaked, the distant sound of coyotes rang out and you waited as they neared.

They'd always come into your front yard and you'd watch them with James as they yipped and played, nipping at each others ankles. If you had leftovers you'd leave them out for them, they weren't causing any harm and you weren't going to eat them. They were sweet little raggedy things, the coyotes, but they shredded their food.

In a pack they could tear you to shreds just the same, still you didn't shiver or shake, you didn't glance around to make sure you were safe. You laid there, silent tears mixing with the rain spattering your face, a small smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

Finally you heard a car getting closer, you didn't have to look to see it was James, you just waited. The lights shown over you and the car stopped only a few feet away.

The door opened and you listened for James's voice. "What the fuck are you doing?" He called, more annoyed than anything. When you didn't move he stepped out of the car and called out your name in a harsh tone. "I thought you were fucking roadkill, I was gonna drive over you." He waited a moment before calling out your name again, this time finally sounding worried.

He rushed over to you, looking over you for any signs of harm. He calmed down when he didn't see any blood, but your clothes were soaked and you were going to get sick. He was tired and didn't want to be dealing with this, but he didn't like the look in your eyes.

Apathy wasn't the right word. There was an emptiness to them, he couldn't remember the last time he saw you smile, or saw a shine in your eyes. He couldn't remember your laugh. A fog swirled in your eyes now and you didn't look right at him, but past him to the night sky.

"What happened?" He asked, brushing the strands that clung to your forehead away.

"She did." You said simply. "You don't have to love me, James." You looked to his eyes, brows furrowed and full of shock, surprise? He didn't know you knew but there was nothing to say anymore. "You know that, don't you?"

He let out a heavy sigh. "I do... I do love you, I promise-" you scoffed, cutting him off and looking back to the sky. "I love you. Don't you ever say I don't." He said sternly.

There was nothing to say, so you said nothing.

He followed your gaze up to the sky. "It's raining." He said. "We should go inside." He looked back to you, your body looking lifeless. "Get up." He was getting impatient. "Hate me if you want, but get up and get inside, I'll run you a bath." He got up, knees cracking as he did.

He waited a moment before repeating himself. He waited another minute before demanding it again.

You didn't move, liking your place you found on the earth, animals all around, man made gravel beneath you. You'd made this grave for yourself. This was your spot now, you belong here. That house was nothing but the shell of what was supposed to be.

"Get up." He repeated through gritted teeth, nudging you with his boot. Not a little sign that you even knew he was there. "God damn it, get up, get up!" He finally yelled, pulling his leg back. He made the move to kick you but stopped just short of your ribs.

His expression fell and he stared down at you, the realization falling on him that he was about to kick you. All those nights he'd stayed up, holding you and whispering sweet nothings into your ear and making you feel safe and protected. Gone. Useless. Less than a thing of the past.

He slowly knelt back down, lifting you up slightly so your upper body was laying over his lap. He kept an arm around you while holding your face in his other hand. "Sweetheart..." He muttered, brows knit together in shame, lips pulled into a pout. "I'm so sorry..."

You couldn't stop a small smile from finding its way to your face. "You're sorry?" He knew it wasn't enough but he hoped it meant something, he knew it meant nothing. "Is she pretty?"

James stared at you blankly for a moment. "You don't want to be asking questions, sweetheart, they'll just make you feel worse."

"Is that something nice you're doing for me?" He didn't respond, he wrecked this with his own selfishness. There was no fixing it, therapy wouldn't help, no ring could save this.

A warm droplet landed on your cheek and you saw it was from James. He did love you, just not nearly enough, nothing he could provide would amount to what you deserved, and he knew that from the start but he tried. Then he lost hope, and ruined you.

He could've ended things right, let you leave and move on from him, but he had to break you, he had to make you hate yourself as much as he hated himself.

"The skies prettier at night." You said, catching him off guard but you spoke again before he could say anything. "You believe in heaven, don't you?" He gave a small nod, opening his mouth to say something but nothing came out. "I think it's pretty."

He held you in his lap, it felt like he was watching the life slip away from you. You knew more than him, you knew it was already all gone. He had stripped you of everything, the rain hitting your face was the only solace, the only thing keeping you breathing.

You sat up, adjusting yourself so you were sitting on your knees with your hands in your lap. "Did drinking help?" You asked, glancing back at him over your wet shoulder.

James hesitated, unsure of where this was going. "Drinking doesn't fix things."

"That's not what I asked."

He stared at you before giving a small nod. "It numbs the pain, makes it easier to push things aside. It keeps you moving." He explained, voice soft and a little shaky.

You nodded in understanding, staring down into the darkness of the woods across the road. "I don't need booze to numb anything." You stated. Everything about this was confusing to James, the way you spoke, how you were acting.

It all became so, so terribly obvious when you moved your hands in front of you, planting them firmly on the asphalt and bashed your forehead into it, your world going black with James screaming in the background.

[kindestofkings]

dancing in the moonlight

josh jenkinson x guitarist!reader

about: reader's sitting room sessions are like acoustic covers she posts on youtube hope thats clear, also sooo many different faceclaims I hadn't it in me to keep the same lolll ENJOY

also! you know I buzz off including alll my favs in my smaus so enjoy 🤭

yourusername

liked by sarahjones and others

yourusername the last leg of love on tour has officially begun, somebody sedate me.

📷 @lloyddddddddddddddddd

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harryfan1 noooo why cant you keep going forever ?

harryfan3 they already have this is like year 3 of this tour lol yourusername yeahh unfortunately rest is needed

harryfan2 you are the coolest member of the love band pass it on

fan1 will your sitting room sessions end till its over?

yourusername no acc going to keep doing them on the road ! <3

lloyddddddddddddddddd sickk one

yourusername

liked by harrystyles and others

yourusername home show babyyy (kinda Im from dublin) but omg Slane you were a mad experience!

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harryfan1 haha was that last pic added in by accident ?

yourusername hahah no I needed the pic of sir styles, bag of cans IN HAND on my grid yourusername its gonna be my next tattoo

harrystyles 🤨🤨

yourusername nah come on look at the joy on your face, just a boy with his bag of cans xx

evehewson he didnt even swim just drank the cans

harrystyles enough of the lies #fakenews

harryfan2 I love how unserious she is with harry

sarahjones you own yellow !

inhalerdublin

liked by yourusername and others

inhalerdublin We’ll never be able to fully recover from the experience of playing Slane Castle yesterday. Thank you to @harrystyles for having us open for him in such a legendary place. And to every one of you who sang our songs back to us.

See you in November Ireland x

📸 @lewsvans

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inhalerfan1 inslayer at slayne castle

lewsvans just a small one

yourusername massive

harryfan1 same girl also in my inhaler era after them opening

yourusername

liked by joshjenkinson_ and others

yourusername babe wake up a new sitting room session just dropped xx

todays tune has been stuck in my head since slane, check out the video for my jetlagged attempt of dublin in ecstasy <3

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yourmam get your shoes of that couch young lady

yourusername 😧😧 sorry mammy

inhalerdublin we're honoured ❤️

harryfan1 you are both so talented and so hot

harryfan2 frrrr I dont know if I wanna be her or with her

inhalerfan1 did you meet the lads ?!

yourusername I did yes ! but I was acc at one of their first few gigs way back when so second time seeing them live 😎 inhalerfan1 wow I did not know you were an inhaler fan! I'm seeing them for the first time in paris later this year !! yourusername ah enjoy, the place where the whole world waits to come alive 😏 ryanmcmahon_15 obsessed much?

joshjenkinson_ worryingly good, please don't come for my job !

yourusername the man that you are that bridge is sick! p.s. I could never match your dance moves ryanmcmahon_15 those would be the infamous jenkinson knees yourusername mesmerising x

harryflorals

liked by harryfan1 and others

harryflorals harry featured in one of yourusername's sitting room sessions, which they recorded during a day off on tour! the premise of the series started out as just yourusername playing acoustic covers but has become a fan favourite and she's started having guests !

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harryfan1 no way what song did they sing??

harryflorals they sang in a week which is originally by Hozier x

harryfan2 so rogue of him but I love it

harryfan3 ughh casual harry my favourite harry

harryfan4 they sounded soooo good

harryfan1 what is their vibes? friends or can we start the ship? harryfan4 I think its strictly platonic ! she's been part of his band for ages now

yourusername posted to their story!

you can't see but major heart eyes

replies:

inhalerfan1 at who tho??? please be a josh girlie

joshjenkinson_ 😳😳

yourusername

liked by joshjenkinson_ and others

yourusername an emotional day at the office today. never wanted to say goodbye to love on tour but I am so greatful for the experience.

massive thank to harrystyles for bringing me along on both tours, had so much fun <33

📷 @helenepambrun.photography @lloyddddddddddddddddd @anthonypham

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harrystyles the best in the business

yourusername what are you doing?? get off your phone and get writing another album so we can go on tour again?!?! harryfan1 listen to the boss

bobbyskeetz inhaler x yourusername sitting room sesh now?

joshjenkinson_ she'd have to be not touring for that to happen bobbyskeetz not touring ? YOU JUST FINISHED? yourusername lol yeah about thattttt

sarahjones loved sharing this experience with you sister

yourusername wouldn't have been the same without you miss jones xxx

harryfan2 you were my favourite member of the love band !! will you ever be releasing your own music ?

yourusername thanks my love! at the moment no, I'm actually joining another band for their upcoming tour so will be busy with that. buttt the sitting room sessions will continue <33

harryfan2 pity but all fun stuff! what band? yourusername all will be revealed🤫

inhalerfan1 the inhaler boys do be in her comments a lot these days..

joshjenkinson_ posted to their story! (private)

studying, taking notes

replies:

yourusername exCUSE me I think you'll find you're the rockstar, with all the groupies

↳ i'm not the one on two international tours in one year tho ?? am I?

↳ yourusername lol fair but as the president of the josh fanclub, I suggest you should do that x

elijahhewson fact: guitarist and singer is a better couple

yourusername

liked by bedfordanes and others

yourusername first of all selling pEtROL. joining the inventors of tumblr on the next of their tour so I'm returning to the tumblr aesthetic (method playing?)

see all you emos at the 1975 still... at their very best, but until then I'll leave you with a sitting room sesh (bedroom ed 😏 ) xx

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harryfan1 do you ever rest???

the1975 tour just got a whole lot more fun !

1975fan1 no way im so excited, shes so hot

inhalerfan1 is the sitting room sesh a emo classic?

yourusername you know it, my fav the 1975 song change your ticket ! trumanblack fired for defamation x yourusername its all quite meta 🤨

1975fanupdates

liked by 1975fan and others

1975fanupdates obsessed with yourusername ever since my 1975 show. how is someone so cool and pretty??? living rent free

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1975fan1 no cause Im the EXACT same, shes such a good guitarist aswell

1975fan2 it must be happening at every show lol. even though shes at the back matty kept trying to get the attention back on him

1975fanupdates lmao I cant

harryfan1 awh I miss her!! her boyf is soo lucky

1975fan1 noo she has a boyfriend thats heartbreaking news, who is it? harryfan1 Im not sure! there was just a bang at the start of her last sitting room sesh and she said sorry my boyfriend keeps hitting his head off my low door frame 😭😭

yourusername posted to their story!

hot.

replies:

joshjenkinson_ 2 days was not enough

↳ babyyyy I know this is the worst

1975fan1 lost my wife to a man 😭 😭 😭😭

inhalerfan1 IS THAT JOSH!!!!!!!!

ryanmcmahon_15 those infamous jenkinson knees

joshjenkinson_ (private)

liked by yourusername and others

joshjenkinson_ she really buzzes off a good windowsill

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yourusername YOU GOTTA SLIDE OUT THE WINDOWWWWW elijahhewson 🎤?

elijahhewson ...... yourusername ........ elijahhewson slideeee yourusername yayayayyyy

bobbyskeetz day 40000 of asking for a inhaler sitting room sesh

yourusername yeah you and like 3 other people, im overwhelmed

yourusername

liked by joshjenkinson_ and others

yourusername yeah no big deal just about to drop a sitting room session where I sing mazzy star's fade into you with my music crush THE julien baker. 😀😀😀 feeling so normal about this

go watch it, we had a lot of fun!

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yourusername also im putting more into the production of these so hopefully the sound and visual quality increase is a nice treat for y'all <33

julienrbaker spends 2 days in memphis and is saying y'all..

yourusername inner cowgirl was unleashed, dont force her back into the box 🤠

1975fan1 wow not my two celeb crushes together...

yourusername im weak that you're considering me a celeb

phoebebridgers take me next please

yourusername omg if I must 😳🤭

yourusername

liked by bobbyskeetz and others

yourusername boyfriend reveal or the next guest on sitting room sessions? you decide what you wanna focus on xx

terrifying take of lana del rey's let the light in, we both love to hide behind guitars so be gentle x

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harryfan1 omg this is so so so so beautiful

inhalerfan1 josh's vocals need to be louder next album/tour !! boy can sing

elijahhewson im gonna focus on how you stole my man

yourusername just cause you’re petty that you haven't been on a sitting room sesh yet xx inhalerfan1 PLEASE have him on I beg

bobbyskeetz wtf has a guy got to do to get invited to a session, sleep with you?

joshjenkinson_ you're getting a box yourusername gross robert thanks for the nightmare fuel

harrystyles this is my favourite one yet x

yourusername too kind H, such a softie for romance

inhalerfan2 omg they're dating 😭 😭 😭 😭 such a hot couple 😭 😭 😭

1975fanupdates

liked by joshjenkinson_ and others

1975fanupdates its yourusername's life and we're just living in it. She came in at 60th on this list, slayed so hard

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yn'swife I say thats my wife and Im proud

inhalerfan1 bless josh in his supportive era <3

1975fan1 she needs to go on her own tour immediately

(liked by joshjenkinson_ and others)

yourusername

liked by julienrbaker and others

yourusername this sitting room session is evidence for how annoying bobbyskeetz can be! ALL the boys of inhaler joined me in my newww (😏) sitting room for a chaos cover of dreams by the cranberries <3

p.s. thought this photo was giving yay fun! when I took it but on reflection it looks like eli and bobby are making fun of me 🤨

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inhalerfan1 miss thank you for delivering all this inhaler content, the drought has been real!

yourusername I got you gorgeous xx

bobbyskeetz I prefer the term persistent actually

yourusername yeah and I prefer a headache free existence but we cant all get what we want xx joshjenkinson_ thought management told yous to be nicer online... yourusername its SOO hard tho inhalerfan2 its giving such sibling energy lol

elijahhewson stop the lies #falsenarrative

ryanmcmahon_15 in a band of bullies, thanks for having us tho !!

harryfan1 you're making me an inhaler fan with all this lol

FINISHED

josh girles how did I do??? love making this one

[fluffypotatey]

Hello hello, S5 ep 9 let's-a-go! Warning, this one is BRUTAL. QXT: Macaque, what are you doing! M: Xiaotian, stop! You don’t need to do this. QXT: I do need to do this! M: I did tell you before to make your own choices, but this isn’t the way Xiaotian! QXT: You don’t understand. If I don’t do this, everyone will be done for! Everything will be destroyed! M: It doesn’t always have to be you! There’s always another way! QXT: But this is the only way! M: That’s not true. You don’t get it! Nines: Who says…*interrupts/traps* ...he doesn’t get it? Not bad. Who taught you that trick? Who did you make a deal with? M: What deal? Nines: Well, that’s not important. Everything’s ending soon anyways. The Harbinger of Chaos knows his mission. Only by sacrificing himself will you all be able to live. Nines is a real piece of work, making it seem like MK has a choice. That he doesn't care what he does, okay bud. Says that he's tired of being controlled by others LOL. Oh, the irony is enough to make this EP taste metallic. Tired of humans locking themselves in cages, ignoring chaos and destiny, etc. The quiet, seething way Macky asks "what deal?" almost seems guarded. Haha, perhaps he knows. MK saying "not this time" feels like a parallel to another episode, but I can't put my finger on it. Maybe something Wukong said? Yeah, that sounds right. "Sorry bud. Not this time." Yeah, S3 no? Wasn't there something like that?SWK: Xiaotian, no! Macky, watching this: *sighs* Even if this doesn’t work, I still gotta give it a shot. HELLO SIR YOU TOTALLY KNOW WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR WEIRD POWERS HUH? I'm skipping some parts, mostly the gang and Nine bc this ep is loaded, but note the way Mac's shadows infiltrate and surround the midsection where the power core usually is. SWK: Huh? What? My boi just turned himself into a shadowy nuclear bomb. I don’t like his prospects for the next season. Nines: You- what did you do? Why have I been separated from the chaos? I- I can’t feel it anymore! What did you do?! *screams lungs out as Macky gasps for breath on the ground.* HELLO MACKY IS MY POWER STEALING HC TRUE???? AYOOOOO Nine's is really flipping here, voice going all glitchy, robotic and echo-y. SWK: Macaque, you good? M: What are you waiting for? Stop Xiaotian! It's all about the tentative way Wukong steps forward and asks and Macky is clearly unwell...Is it worse or better than he was down for longer after fighting possessed!Wukong so we couldn't see his half-lidded eyes/struggle for air. He got himself up in the background of the SunBurst hug in a way that could be memed, but this? Nope. I brought it up bc I wanted to see if possessed!Wukong was holding back bc someone said he was re: laser eyes, maybe they meant him not using it until that fight, or the slow way(?) it charged up bc some part of him didn't want to kill Macky, idk. SWK: I won’t let you sacrifice yourself! QXT: Don’t stand in my way, Monkey King. Please. SWK: Not a chance, Xiaotian. You never abandoned me, and I won’t ever abandon you. QXT: Don’t force my hand, Monkey King. EVILLLLLL. JUST LIKE WUKONG SAID TO MACAQUE- don’t make me do this, Liu’er! SWK: No, Xiaotian. Don’t force mine. DOUBLE EVIL OH MY GOSH HE SAID THE THING AND HIS EYES WENT BRIGHT GOLD HE MEANS BUSINESS. They gave us serious scary Wukong FR.

I’m starting to see how things so easily went wrong for Macky. Wukong does NOT play around, even if you’re MK. Seeing him use the same spell LBD used to trap Macky on top of all this is making me LOSE IT.

QXT: No! No! SWK: There is still a lot I haven't taught you yet. QXT: Monkey King, please! This is my destiny! This is the only way! Let me just say I HATE the expressions Wukong has been making this entire episode. They're ruining me. This one too. SWK: Yes. You're right. It seems like this really is the only way to save everyone. QXT: Then- Then let me go! SWK: Nuwa, or destiny. No matter how you look at it, as long as we came from the same stone... QXT: What? SWK: You don't have to bear this destiny. Let me bear it. QXT: No! Monkey King! SWK: This world needs you, Xiaotian. Thanks...for everything. QXT: Monkey King! Stop, please! THE DRAMA FLUFFY THE DRAMA-! AND WUKONG IS CRYING AS HE FLIES AWAY- and then MK USES THE FREAKING SPELL. I swear everybody is trying to hurt each other and squabbling for the right of who gets to sacrifice themselves first and I'm FLIPPING. WHAT IS THIS?!?!?! This is what happens when you put two sacrificial morons with personal issues in a room together. SWK: No! Xiaotian! No! No! Stop Xiaotian! QXT: I'm sorry. I will be the one to bear my destiny. SWK: Stop! Don't Xiaotian! So anyways, Fluffs. We had all this angsty audio about Wukong crying/yelling if MK got hurt taken from Goku...and now we have to HEAR IT FOR REAL. And like, his VA is seriously good and I think I'll be crying for months if I heard that. I'm going to be crying to YOU about it and that is a threat. We'll cry together. I can kind of see Buddhist influence here since the cycle of reincarnation, while normal here for the characters, is actually the goal to "escape from." So to MK, it's not a good thing. Asides from how much angst Wukong gets from it. You would think it'd be like "oh I get to meet my friends in the next life" but nada, MK here is shook by it. Tho maybe it's because it's not natural, letting them live out to the end, but forcing it early?

OH MY GOD EPISODE 9

I TOOK ALL THE SUNBURST DUO SCREENSHOTS THAT MADE ME FERAL

like…..HELLO?????? 911?????? THERE’S BEEN A MURDER

AND THE FUCKING EXPRESSION BEFORE THE FIGHT🫠🫠🫠🫠 I AM SOBBING

[forgive me for the bad quality 🤧]

AND SWK SO READY TO TAKE MK’S OLAXE BECAUSE “hey, we’re from the same stone, so this destiny of yours should also be tied to me” AND WHAT IF I DIED???? WHAT IF THIS DIALOGUE STABBED ME???? LMK ANSWER FOR YOUR CRIMES

and the way Macky mourned Wukong privately while everyone else cried for MK (bc they assumed the Pillar repairing itsel meant swk failed) since he knew the Monkey King would try to take MK’s place i— 🫠

also Pigsy trying to change MK’s mind and when that didn’t work:

SOMEBODY SEDATE ME 😭

THATS HIS SON!!!! THATS HIS LITTLE BOY WHO LOVES NOODLES AND SUCKS AT DELIVERING THEM AND SPENDS MOST IF HIS WORK HOURS LISTENING TI TABG’S STORIES BUT PIGSY WOULDNT HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY

🫠

also i think @/lunarwandering mentioned this in a post of theirs but Nines is so confusing lmaooooo like bro 🤨 do you or do you not want MK to sacrifice himself???? ��i am giving you the choice he free!!! but i will also make sure to stop your friends from stopping me and you from operation Commit Die!”

the way he snaps at being called a monster 👀 Nines please share in a way that isn’t the Allegory of the Cave (like sir, that is Greek Philosophy come on) (tho interesting that the borders of the “cave” from ep8 looked like Nuwa 👀

ans Nines clearly has some beef with Nuwa 👀 so. what’s up with that)

i have so many questions about Nines

[mystk]

Evil’s Hero

Chapter one!! (More to come soon)

Made in collaboration with @urfavcalli

18+ Only.

English isn't our first language

🌙 = Muzans POV

☀️= GN insert POV

🕰️= Flashback

(Contains; hurt/comfort, slight gore, physical torture, basements (scary), kidnapping, savior complex, waterboarding, sedation, non-consensual sedation, cigarette burns,

Trans-male Muzan, threesome, praise kink, co-dependent Muzan, Hero complex, Muzan is just a little fella, flashbacks, hydrophobia, electrocution, shock collars, comfort sex.)

Kink warning: Torture, Pet play, Bondage, Asphyxiation, Degradation, Praise, Slight Waterboarding, Kidnapping, Collar, Non-con, Cage, Burning, Whipping, Threesome, Femdom, Humiliation, Cockwarming, Aftercare, Punishments.

Couple; GN reader / Muzan / Female BC we love a good femdom

(None of these things are endorsed by us! We do not write this in a kinky way, this is just being used as a base for the whole “mentally broken” aspect.)

Two people simultaneously wrote this please untwist your panties and don't comment hate!! 🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡

🌙

I’m only vaguely aware of how badly my body aches, the sticky feeling of blood on my skin.

My mind is fuzzy, and I can barely keep my eyes open.

Something in the back of my head is telling me to run, some primal instinct that keeps warning me about danger approaching.

But why should I care? I'm so tired. It couldn't hurt to just close my eyes for a second, could it?

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

☀️

I glance back, watching my girlfriend put a bullet through that sick-fucks head. We’ve been on his trail for months now, and I'm just glad we can go back home now. She turns and grins at me “I got the final blow, you're cooking dinner tonight!”. I fake scowl, ruffling her hair and laughing.

And then we hear it, well, she hears it. A small sniffling noise penetrates the silence of the kitchen.

She grimaces and looks at me.

“Sounds like another one of his victims in the basement.”, She sighs. I glance towards what I assume is the basement door and approach it, stopped only by her hand on my shoulder. “We don't know what's down there.”. I grin, looking back at her; “We won't till we go look!”. I shout, and open the door.

The stairs are creaky, but the noise has silenced.

I'm hardly halfway down the stairs when I see it, barreling down the rest of the flight to kneel by his side, as my girlfriend approaches us.

“Fuckin’ hell.” She mutters, looking horrified.

I'm quick to pry open his eyes, staring at the blown-out pupils with a grimace. “He’s alive, just sedated.” I inform her, a relieved look on her face.

“Poor thing.” she tuts, brushing a bloody, matted, black strand of hair out of his face.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

🌙

I wake up in somebody's arms. He hasn't taken me out of the basement before so it's a tad bit surprising. I don't have the energy to fight him, though.

It's embarrassing really, I didn't even notice I was crying till I felt some of the dirt on my face dampen.

I hear water running. Wait- running water ?

I know it's futile deep down, but I do my best to get out of his grip, screaming (As loud as my damaged vocal chords let me, anyways), and desperately trying to wiggle out of his strong grip.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

☀️

I try my best to hold him still gently. “Hey buddy, it's okay.”. I'm not the best at soothing people but I'm trying.

“Sir? PLEASE I'VE BEEN GOOD-” His voice is high and panicked; I cringe, thinking about what it could mean.

“Hey, it's okay- you're okay.” I try my best to be soothing but it only seems to add to his panic, he kicks and screams and fucking bites me.

This kid has a death grip on me. He won’t let go for anything. “Hey! Let him fucking go!” my girlfriend screams while she tries to wrestle him off of me.

When she finally pins him down, he keeps thrashing around on the tile, struggling with what was left of his strength to get free from her grasp, ‘’Jesus christ, calm down kiddo-’’ it takes him a second, but he pauses looking around as his eyes widen. ‘’W-wha- who are you.’’ His voice is quiet and timid, but endearing in its own way. She sighs, loosening her grip on him. ‘’You’re safe, he’s dead.’’

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

🌙

Dead?

Dead?

Dead?

For a second, everything is blissful, the idea of that sick fuck being dead running through my head over and over again.

He’s DEAD

Does this mean I can go home?

Am I free?

My head feels clear for the first time in months, the numbing fog disappearing from my brain.

I look at the woman holding me down, blinking away tears as my eyes focus-

‘’My name’s [name]’’ she sighs, letting go of me.

The person holding me earlier grimaces, offering a hand to me.

“And my name’s [name]” the other man says, while checking the bath’s temperature. “I think it’s ready for you, kiddo.”.

My eyes go wide when I realize he wants me to take a bath. Before he can say anything else, I sprint out of the bathroom and down a hallway. I immediately get lost, and start checking door handles, looking for an unlocked room.

I hear yelling coming from the bathroom. I think they’re arguing. As soon as I hear a door click open, I run inside and quickly shut the door. Then, I scan my surroundings, looking for a place to hide.

As I hear footsteps get closer to where I am, I start to panic, and the memories come flooding back to me

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Two months ago

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

🌙🕰️

‘’Just fucking- GOD!’’ he curses, grabbing a handful of my hair and pulling me back by it- I know I'm crying, but I'm beyond the point of being ashamed of it.

He glares at me and I know ive made a mistake,- ‘’You fucking bitch I was going to go easy on you.’’ he’s yelling in my face and I’m sobbing but- of course he doesn’t care, he’d have to be able to feel for him to care.

He grabs the back of my neck, pushing me into the far too hot water.

And he holds me under the water.

Then I feel it. The electric shocks in the water. He’s starting on a medium voltage, but keeps turning it up after each shock. I’m going to die, I think.

I’m trying to wiggle out of his grip, but there’s no use. My panic rises every second I'm held under the water, my oxygen rapidly depleting.

But before my mind can even start thinking of worst case scenarios, he yanks me out of the water. I stumble back and hit my head on the concrete.

“STOP WIGGLING AROUND YOU USELESS SLUT- Actually, I have a better idea. I’ll make sure you can’t move around.”. He reaches into his drawer and grabs-

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

☀️

It takes a second to break down the door, I cringe internally seeing the smaller man curled up on the floor, bawling his eyes out.

‘’Jesus- it's alright kiddo.’’ [name] Soothes, gently cradling him in her arms.

I don’t know why, but I feel a spark of envy ignite within me upon seeing how she cradles him. I do my best to squash it- feeling stupid for even considering being jealous of him. I know she loves me, but I still feel insecure at the sight of her coddling another man.

Soon enough, we’re all back in the bathroom, sitting on the floor beside the bath. The boy is only in his boxers, eyeing the water with a worried look.

She’s staring wide-eyed at the scars and bruises covering his body, her eyes giving away the guilt she feels at not being here sooner- at not being able to save him some of the pain, despite how hard she tries to keep her expression blank.

I can’t even begin to imagine how he got half of the injuries on his body, they’re so intense it's terrifying to see. I’m mad at myself for being jealous of him, realizing now that he didn't even want to be touched- let alone held in the moment.

[everydayfrimmel]

August 14, 2024

"Guests"

1100 words, the same roommate AU from "The L Word" but like. Later

All Frieren ever told Himmel is that she was training a new girl at work. She mentioned that the girl was just out of college and, per the ring on her finger, probably married. That was all.

Because Frieren is and ever will be a useless narrator of the events of her own life, Himmel heard no description whatsoever of this girl, her job, or the nature of his wife's relationship to her until she asked out of the blue if she and her husband (so she does have one, then) could come over for dinner, and Himmel was so happy he nearly jumped out of his chair.

From this exceedingly out-of-character desire to socialize, Himmel surmised a closer relationship than he'd been expecting to hear about. But he was not in the slightest expecting this.

The girl - woman, it feels strange to look a grown woman in the face and call her a girl - is taller than Frieren by a good head and a half. She and her husband, who looks like he runs marathons in his spare time, have matching sets of exceedingly squishy cheeks, and the effect of their respective babyface is amplified when they are taken in together. She's holding a still-casserole dish covered in foil with oven mitts, and everything about her looks soft. And when she's put the casserole down, she pulls Frieren into her arms and veritably enfolds her.

Frieren's colleague is rather slender, but, given her birdlike stature, the picture still gives an impression much like that of somebody sinking into marshmallow fluff.

"I can't believe you finally invited me over," she says, still squishing Frieren - who is face-level with her chest, and probably not breathing well - in her embrace. "I thought you never would."

"Mmph."

This is about as much as Frieren can say with her face so obstructed. That said, her colleague is clearly not asking for a reply, so it doesn't seem to matter very much.

The colleague soon introduces herself as Fern, and the dish in her casserole container as cinnamon rolls for their breakfast tomorrow, because "Frieren told me she likes sweets." At this, Himmel has to resist the urge to let out an undignified whoop of joy, and restricts himself to a much more sedate "that was sweet of you," followed shortly by "you shouldn't have."

And then the chicken wings are late.

Himmel was in charge of ordering the chicken wings, even though these are Frieren's friends, because she would forget to. Actually, she'd told him to order whatever he wanted. And chicken wings sounded like a plan at the time, but now they're delayed, and as such, he tries to make conversation with Fern's husband, who is as sociable as Himmel and should be impossibly easy to talk to, while casting nervous glances every few seconds over at Frieren and Fern, who are, well.

Entangled would be a way to put it.

Fern appears to enjoy playing the mother, and Frieren is not very discriminating in her choices of humans to use as pillows, much to Himmel's chagrin. He had not known to expect that his wife would enjoy snuggling up to her colleague so much when all he had to go by was her vague description of Fern as "a coworker."

It doesn't worry him. He's not jealous. He's not, really. Everything is-

"It takes getting used to," Stark whispers.

"Do you?" Himmel asks faintly. "Get used to it?"

"Fern has pent-up maternal instinct."

Clearly.

It's still just a little bit strange.

This, however, opens the door to easier conversation with Stark, who's more than happy to share how he met his wife, how long it took him to pick up on her hints, and how often she brings that up when she wants to beat him in an argument. Stark's friendly as it is, but he lights up when he's describing Fern, and for that alone, Himmel likes him immensely. He barely feels like he knows a thing about Stark that isn't also about his wife, but he suspects he's probably no better when meeting new acquaintances, so he forgives him this oversight.

He's just getting to the part where he realized that Fern likes to cuddle with her coworkers when they're off the clock (apparently she'd been to their house once, without bothering to mention that she had) when the man delivering the chicken wings arrives and is heartily tipped only because Himmel is starving enough to make him look like an angel come to earth just to drop off his wings.

Then, Frieren detaches herself from Fern, both women eye the containers of chicken and dipping sauce spread across the coffee table like rabid wolves, and within no more than ten minutes, only three measly wings and all of the celery sticks remain.

Himmel knows, of course, how much Frieren will eat if given the chance, and his own appetite is ever-increased by his long runs. Stark spends most of his free hours in the gym, apparently, so this makes sense, too, but Fern…

"Blame the baby," she says when she notices Himmel watching her, and takes the second-to-last wing without breaking eye contact for an instant.

"There's a baby…?"

Since when is there a baby? Stark hadn't mentioned-

Well. He did make that comment about maternal instinct.

And it would explain the clinging.

"Congrats," he says, then takes the last wing.

She can't be more than twenty-five. He spares a glance at Frieren and wonders if she will pick up on his telepathic signal and divine the message that we're even older, but has no particular optimism that she will.

"Oh, did I forget to tell you that?" Stark asks sheepishly. "Sorry."

"It's, uh, don't worry about it."

Another thing Frieren hadn't told him, but then, Frieren relates only those details which she finds important, and that doesn't always line up with, well, what actually is. It may be best to move on.

"So, uh, what's Frieren like at work?" he asks.

She reddens, and he laughs. How he loves knowing that he has that effect on a woman who so rarely shows any emotion at all.

"Boring," Fern says.

Frieren glowers at her. "I'm there to do my job, Fern."

Fern pouts. "Even in the break room, you just sit next to me and don't talk."

"I'm resting my brain."

"You're being rude!"

Maybe, he thinks, less mother and daughter than sisters. He hadn't expected she would've become so close to somebody at her office, but she really should have someone besides him.

He's glad to find she does.

[wolf-among-mechs]

Audio log: Interrogation

C:\>dir

 Volume in drive C has no label. Volume Serial Number is 0568-1245  Directory of C:\ 3049-08-22 14:22 <DIR> Audioplayer 3049-08-22 13:41 <DIR> BattleROM 3049-08-22 13:41 <DIR> ChatterWEB 3049-08-22 13:41 <DIR> Documents 3049-08-22 13:44 <DIR> Games 3049-08-22 13:46 Holo-tag-Reader.exe 3049-08-22 13:40 Install.Log 3049-08-22 14:01 <DIR> New Folder 3049-08-22 14:06 <DIR> New Folder (2) 3049-08-22 14:05 <DIR> Pictures 3049-08-22 13:42 <DIR> Program 3049-08-22 13:43 <DIR> Program Files 3049-08-22 14:02 <DIR> TRO 3049-08-22 14:12 <DIR> Videos 3049-08-22 13:41 <DIR> WOLFDOS 2 File(s) 523 235 669 bytes 12 Dir(s)   520 390 078 464 bytes free

C:\>cd Audioplayer

C:\Audioplayer>Play

+================+ HOWL AUDIO PLAYER +================+

Available soundfiles: Music\Playlist:> "Best_of_Clan_Wolf" Music\Find_your_one_way.mp3 Music\Mirror_of_the_world.mp3 Logs\INTERROGATION_BOND-22-08-3049.WAV

+================+

Select a file to play or press escape to to quit.

Play> Logs\INTERROGATION_BOND-22-08-3049.WAV

+================+

File information:

AUDIO LOG: "INTERROGATION_BOND-22-08-3049" 

SUMMARY: Audio log recovered from Clan Wolf Audio archive regarding bondswoman “ASUKA HOSHI” of “WARSONG CORPS” taken on planet [UNDEFINED_PLANET_NAME] on 19-08-3049

SUBJECTS: 

Bondswoman Asuka Hoshi, Transcript designation: A 

Warrior William. Transcript designation: W

ADDITIONAL NOTES: Subject Asuka was heavily sedated following apprehension on [UNDEFINED_PLANET_NAME]. Injuring Point Commander Karloff (Elemental), amputating his left hand. Subject was then subdued with stun weapons. Then kept sedated during transport.

+================+

PLAY? [Y]/[N] >y PRINT TRANSCRIPT? [Y]/[N] >y

BEGINNING PLAYBACK...

+================+

A: [Female groaning noises]

W: You are finally awake.

A: [Female groaning that can be construed to something resembling “Huh?”]

W: I am William. Warrior of Clan Wolf.

A: …Colonel?

W: I am afraid that I am no Star Colonel. Heh.

A: Okay. You do not look like him anyway.

W: How are you feeling? You have been given quite powerful sedatives. Commonly used for Elementals during medical procedures. It will take a moment to wear off.

A: Huuuurgh…

W: Hm. To be expected.

A: Di… Did I dream? I remember… Being crushed by… Rocks. Over and over.

W: That sounds unpleasant. But as I said. Very powerful sedatives. Would you like some water?

A: Please.

[Sound of pitcher being picked up. A glass filled with liquid. A glass is then put down on a table.]

W: There.

[A glass is lifted from a table. Somebody drinks recklessly.]

A: Thank you.

[A glass is put down on table]

W: I am one of the warriors you fought a few days ago. I was piloting the Ice Ferret at the time.

A: The what now?

W: The Ice ferret. A Medium Omnimech, It was the prim-

A: Hey woah woah. You lost me. What is an Omnimech?

W: Hm… Well an Omnimech is a superior evolution of the Battlemech that allows for modular loadouts that can quickly be changed by technicians. However, Asuka, I must ask. How much do you actually know of us? You knew the words batchall and sibko. But… You do not know exactly what they mean.

A: Uh… Oh Hey. Where are my dogtags?

W: It along with your other possessions were taken as isorla. Ours by right of battle.

A: Could I have it back? It is pretty important to me. I have had it since I was born. Mercenary stuff.

W: I see. It bore a striking similarity to the ones we have.

A: Uh… I was born into the unit Wolf’s Dragoons. You must have heard of them.

W: Aff. I do. Interesting. I suppose that explains why you knew of some of our words.

A: Yeah. I was entrusted with the knowledge of the Clans… You guys? After proving myself as a reliable warrior and ally to my kin. Not exactly common knowledge. They told me a few things. That you were descendants of Kerensky’s and the SLDF’s Exodus before the succession wars. Batchall means something like… Challenge to duel. You are supposed to bid for it. Uh.. Sibko something like your kith and kin. A lot of your culture revolves around honour. They showed me a picture of a.. Timber wolf? Your technology was vastly superior to that of the inner sphere. That the Dragoons were essentially a scouting mission.

W: Aff… And this is not common knowledge then? But how come you attacked us if you are a member of the Dragoons?

A: Maybe among founders of the Dragoons. Natasha, Jaime, my mother and father. Nobody outside them knows I am pretty certain. I challenged you because I did not have any other contact protocols and I was pretty certain you were going to start shooting my wards. As their leader I thought my best course of action was to challenge you to honourable combat.

W: Tell me. Do you think what you did in the battle was an honourable act?

A: I did it to protect my wards. I gave them the chance to escape and learn about their new enemy. To warn my kith and kin. Since you were on the path of conquest. Sounds honourable enough to me.

W: Yet you lost the batchall and your sibko left without you.

A: I said I would challenge you in exchange for them.

W: That is not how that works. You bid low aff. But their fate would await The result of the batchall.

A: You sent aerospace fighters after the dropship!

W: Because you broke zellbrigen!

A: What the hell is a zellbrigen!?

W: It is the rules with which we duel under!

A: What rules!? Oh… wait duels? As in one on one?

W: Aff!

A: What? You would have just come at me one on one?

W: Aff. Those are the rules of zellbrigen.

A: Well… Dang it. If I knew that I would not have shot at the rest of you.

W: Your tactics were… let us just say a bit dezgra quiaff? Trampling and striking like a rabid beast. Beyond the wasteful and reckless shooting. But from the way you talk right here and now. I think that may be a result of not knowing better and being raised poorly.

A: Dez what? I do not mean to be rude but do you have a guy who is fluent in English. I have no idea what in the goddamn you are saying half the time.

W: Are you mocking me? I speak English! It is the sacred tongue of the great founders! Do not sit there accusing me of being incapable of the English language while you sully it with your uncouth mouth freeborn!

A: Okay okay geez. Calm down. I am sorry. I simply... do not follow a lot of your terms.

W: Clearly. As I said. You have been raised poorly. But there may be hope for you yet.

A: Right. Okay. Let us start over. I was supposed bid all of us to a fight for the chance to escape. For it to be honourable?

W: Neg. You would not have to. Bidding low is a mark of honour. To fight with lesser number is a greater achievement.

A: …Huh?

W: Let me tell you instead what is going to happen to you. You have been taken as bondswoman by me. Though we will have to confer with the loremaster. Your heritage does make things a bit more complicated. They will need to ascertain your genetic heritage and help determine your fate. The Khan may also be interested to hear what you know.

A: Bondswoman?

W: Aff. You will serve me and be loyal. If you have any useful skills you will be asked to use them for Clan Wolf and myself. 

A: So… I am a slave?

W: Neg. Nothing of the sort. You will have plenty of autonomy. But you have the option of bondsref, that is to say. You may refuse by forfeiting your life.

A: Cool I get to choose between dying and being a slave with a better name. I beg your pardon if I do not sound highly enthusiastic about my choices.

W: If you prove yourself worthy, you may be adopted into Clan Wolf as a warrior. I personally believe it would be a waste to not give you the opportunity. I do not like wasting chances.

A: And what do I have to do in order to do that?

W: Should you accept. You will carry a bondcord around your wrist. Three coloured stands to represent combat ability, which is something I actually do not question at this moment. The other two represent integrity and loyalty. When you have proven to me that you have all three in sufficient quantities. I will cut the cord and you will be abtakha. A new warrior in Clan Wolf.

A: So I can help you invade the inner sphere?

W: So you can help us enact the great father's will and make the entire galaxy a better place. The Inner Sphere has suffered from petty self destructive wars that almost destroyed humanity that continued well after the founders' exodus. The succesion wars as you called them. We are going to put a stop to all of that. As the great father intended.

[Several seconds of silence]

[A glass is filled with liquid. A pitcher is put on a table. A glass is lifted from the table.]

A: I like that thought.

W: Good. Present your arm and you will be made bondswoman.

[Rustle of clothing articles]

A: Does it mean I can have my stuff back?

W: Do not concern yourself with those.

A: I am very concerned with those. Not having my dogtags dishonour my heritage. Not having my daishō dishonours my promises. Not having my sidearms dishonours… okay I just liked those guns and would like them back. What about my mech?

W: You will have to earn them back somehow then. Save for your tags. I am going to hand that to the loremaster to see if they can make anything out of it and then return them to you. Failing that. A blood sample will be taken to ascertain your genetic heritage. That will give us a better picture. As for your mech. Perhaps you can enlighten the technicians what it actually is and maybe recover it.

A: Good thing I know my way around a wrench then. So am I supposed inherit something?

W: Neg. It is to ascertain whether you truly are of Clan Wolf or not. But in the meantime. To help you learn more of the Clans… I am going to grant you access to the Chatterweb. So that you may learn from other warriors. I believe it will help you. You appear to be the kind that learns on her feet.

Audio recording stopped.

Reason: Following audio contains sensitive private password information. Access requires [Star-Colonel] level clearance or Sysadmin priviliges.

Press any key to continue. . .

C:\Audioplayer>_

[dausy]

I got a job.

Which is kind of nifty I guess. I feel like it removes some of my stress although I knew I wouldn't have an issue finding a job, its just that the unknown makes us feel like we are continuously poor and homeless when that isn't the case.

An old classmate of mine from nursing school had messaged me some odd days ago saying she was leaving her job because her commute was really long and she wanted to know if I wanted it. She said she loved her job otherwise. I was actually going to wait until we moved to start applying for jobs because a lot of places want you to start ASAP and I don't want to apply too early. But she had already recommended me to her manager and he contacted me with a referral link to fill out. Did a virtual interview and he told me he knew he was already going to offer me the job.

HR already sent me an acceptance package and stated they wanted to pay me a relocation fee. Just an FYI this is for an Interventional Radiology nurse position, which I suppose I do have a bit of experience in with my previous position. IR is considered a cush or "soft" nursing job, but this is with a lvl1 trauma center and I'm not that familiar with the type of high acuity cases that they do. The last time I worked in a lvl1 trauma center it was primarily preop/PhaseII and a smidgeon of pacu. I wasn't in the thick of super acute/sick patients. So I don't really know what to expect in IR. It SOUNDS like they just want somebody who is familiar with and knows how to push meds for conscious sedation. They have techs who scrub in with the doctor. That was primarily what I was nervous about was trying to learn how to scrub for so many different types of procedures (cause they said they do about 40 different types) and I was like "oh lord thats a lot to learn and prove myself on, in a short orientation". But they told me that I would just be doing the conscious sedation and thats it. Which takes a lot of stress off. I don't know how to scrub..so..

anyway, coincidentally at the same time I accepted the position, somebody posted on the nursing reddit saying something like "those of you who want to work in IR because its a soft nursing job, WE DONT WANT YOU" I mean, I work hard and I split myself into 1400 pieces to try and help everybody so I'm not coming in to just sit and play on my phone.

The downsides to this job is that there is on-call and then I'd be making less money than what I was getting paid 5 years ago and rent prices have skyrocketted. Which is really sad. It has pretty much doubled. So less pay and more expensive CoL. We are already expecting to have to pay around 2000-2200/mo on rent alone for nothing super special. Not including pet rent and then utilities.

Me and my spouse were jokingly talking about me joining the service for the benefits. While its been brought up to me before in the past, I didn't think I had it in me to join the military. Now I'm actually kind of taking it seriously. I already talked to a recruiter but they aren't making it easy to get in contact with them which makes me think they're going to tell me they werent interested. But hypothetically, if I joined the military nurse corps, I'd go in as an officer, get officer pay, get BAH, get a retirement, continue the lifestyle of which I've become accustomed and if they have my specialty available, I would just continue doing the job I've become accustomed to. It was actually kind of enlightening.

If I have to work my booty off being full time, on call, making less than my mom as a secretary and I have to continue being a nurse....I mean, I dunno..people say that the military can't compete with civilian hospitals, but I kind of beg to differ. To me, it seems like they're offering a lot more.

But if military says "no, we don't need your specialty", I do have a job waiting for me for when we move.

[talesofpassingtime]

For some, for me particularly, the lyrics are the most important element in any song, more crucial than melody, than rhythm, rhyme, words contained in sounds, drenched in meaning, questions and answers encapsulated in phrases of melody, tones, tempo playing on the tongue, teasing my range, exposing my soul, my desires, my needs. I heard somebody shooting a gun. Another day to make my stand. Don’t you worry about a fee. Playing fellows like dummies, but that ain’t getting us nowhere. I’m crying icicles instead of tears, like you’re under sedation. You make me feel like I am whole again.

— Lord Malinov, Song of Songs  

[theemptyballroom]

x

[nonsensical-ramblings]

Hey! Strap in guys, it's byler music analysis time.

So, was somebody going to tell me that Being Different (from the van scene) and The First Lie / The First I love You ARE FUCKING IDENTICAL TRACKS??? OR WAS I JUST SUPPOSED TO LEARN HOW TO EDIT AUDIO TO FIGURE THAT OUT MYSELF???

LISTEN TO THIS!!!!

I thought they sounded similar, but I had no idea that mixing them would give me something this amazing. I didn't do any editing to these tracks other than adjusting the tempo, balancing the volume, and clipping off the ends.

So then you're telling me the track that plays while Will is pouring his heart out to Mike in the van. It syncs up perfectly with the track that plays when Robin comes out to Steve? With the track that plays when El tells Mike she loves him for the first time? With the track that plays when Jonathan and Nancy first get together?? That these songs and their associated scenes are clearly and deliberately tied to themes of romance and/or queerness in every instance, and that the result of mixing the songs together is something agonizingly beautiful, like they complete each other, like they were meant to be the other half of the words left unsaid? YOU'RE TELLING ME that the names of these songs are The First Lie, The First I love You, and Being Different?

excuse me while I go into cardiac arrest. ahem.

It's a through-thread that's impossible to ignore once you see it. Idk about you, but my third eye is wide fucking open right now and all it sees is byler endgame and a kiss scene in the pouring rain as a final variation of these tracks swells in the background, finally complete with all its parts in sync, finally with its full potential realized, finally seeing this arc to its well-deserved conclusion. Somebody sedate me I'm going insane.

(Some extra rambling about combining the tracks under the cut)

Being Different has, from what I can tell, three distinct segments if you listen to the original. The track starts off with these long, droning tones, slowly building in intensity as time goes on. Then, around the 1:10 mark, the second segment introduces the melody of eight (four? sixteen? idk, however you want to count it) repeating notes that originally tipped me off to its similarities with the other two tracks. (Just listen, you'll hear it!) This is the segment that I used in the mashups. At 2:32, that melody is suddenly overtaken by some audio distortion and reversed instruments, and fades out to leave us with the rest of the song.

So since the tracks are drastically different lengths, I had to cut off the beginning & end of Being Different, because The First Lie / I love You matched best only with that middle section. Just fyi.

But other than that, what you see is what I did, nothing more. I cannot stress that enough. Go listen to each of the songs on their own, and then come back and realize that I didn't splice anything, I didn't go in and sneakily add a couple extra bars to either track. They just work like that.

It's literally "yeah you can copy my homework just don't make it too obvious" levels of subtlety going on here. Same key, same number of repetitions, the way it's not just a parallel it's a PERFECT COPY- they go quiet and then crescendo and switch between variations of the melody at the same time and I am losing my mind.

If I'm remembering this correctly, The First I love You was a bit too long, so I had to trim off a part of the end in order to prevent it from spilling past the threshold of the second segment of Being Different. But The First Lie specifically was EXACTLY as long as that segment. Note-for-note. Like they just took The First Lie, without cutting it down at all, reworked it a bit, added some extra stuff on the ends, and put it in the van scene. To tell you I was flabbergasted does not come anywhere close to the reaction I had when I realized how well these tracks fit together.

And a little something I noticed while I was looking for a good version of each of the songs to use- The First I love You, from El's love confession scene to Mike in season 3, pay attention and you'll see that "love" is never capitalized in the title of the song. Not on Spotify, not on Youtube, not on Wikipedia, I couldn't find a single official source that capitalized "love", which is WEIRD because all the other songs have consistently capitalized every word in their titles! I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions from that but all I'm saying is... I'm pretty certain it was on purpose. Do with that information what you will.

[aggressive-positivity-network]

Do you have any autistic Scout headcanons? :P

Hell yeah!

I’ve actually thought about this a lot. A lot of people might think that Scout has ADHD, but I think he either has both ADHD and autism or just autism.

This is both because labeling Scout as having just ADHD is kind of a low-hanging fruit, and I also want to explore his symptoms a little more. So, in a word, I do, and thank you for asking about them!

*****************

Scout’s Spectrum:

So, where exactly does Scout fall on the autism spectrum?

First of all, he probably has both ADHD and autism, but wasn’t diagnosed with the latter until much later. This means that some of his symptoms were taken into account, but not all.

The ones that were paid attention to ramped up out of control, and the ones he didn’t hear about were stuffed away.

His ADHD symptoms include impulsiveness, need for stimulation, hyperfixations, forgetfulness, and insomnia; his autism symptoms include trouble with social skills, stimming, near inability to remember names and faces, lack of eye contact, hyperfixations again, and sensory processing issues, especially with noise and touch.

He used to have a lot of meltdowns when he was younger, usually about wearing new clothes and the amount of noise his eight brothers generated.

However, he was teased and pushed into masking nearly all the time, and made his whole personality about his ADHD, since that was what everyone accepted.

As he got older, he usually wrote off any autistic tendencies as either his ADHD or just “little habits” of his.

During his middle school years, he used energy drinks to bounce back from being exhausted every day after school. This would work, except those energy drinks would upset his ADHD, and would make it much harder to focus on even basic conversation.

After a while, he got such bad grades and had such a hard time making friends that Scout just stopped going to school altogether.

Baseball helped his focus, and the quick movement and thinking made a lot of sense to him. He never had to wait very long for the next development, and the instant gratification and community it provided supplemented what he never got at school.

With sports on his side, he rarely ever drank any energy drinks (the coach would never let them on the field), and he drank bucketfuls of water during every meet and game. Those teenage years were probably the healthiest he ever was.

However, with the amount of rumbles he got into with his brothers, and the turf wars that constantly raged in those neighborhoods, it was only a matter of time before his crime caught up with him.

After his first incarceration, he was booted from the team, which led to a downward spiral of unhealthy coping mechanisms - which included fighting someone tooth and nail whenever he could.

Even if he lost the fight, it not only catered to his impulsive nature and impatience, but also gave him roughly the same sense of friendship and camaraderie that baseball had.

One thing led to another, and by the time Mann Co. found him, Scout was a monster in hand to hand (and bat to bat) and had racked up quite the criminal record.

A perfect mercenary, ripe for the picking.

On The Team:

Scout very quickly adopted the “stupid, scrappy Boston boy” persona.

It was the only thing that made sense, and it kept him from having to try too hard in both the battlefield and socially.

Besides, that meant that he could be as silly, forgetful, and fidgety as he wanted, and no one would bat an eye.

And if he ever needed to take a break from the team, he figured everyone would appreciate the quiet.

The only thing that ever gave him away was him occasionally dissociating right when battle began, especially if the day had been stressful.

It was usually how he calmed down after a fight when he was young, but now he sometimes slid into that state when he was overwhelmed.

However, a yell from one of his teammates would usually snap him out of it.

Medic noticed this pretty early on, and wanted to look more into it, but Scout would keep making excuses not to get a mental examination.

He would blame it on zoning out, being tired, drinking too many Bonks - whatever it took for people to stop asking.

And, eventually, they did.

Even Medic stopped asking after a while - he couldn’t get a thing out of Scout.

This “try so little that when you do try it’s above average” charade worked for a long time. In fact, it went on for so long that Scout forgot how much he was actually capable of.

He began to internalize the stupidity, the exacerbation, the many comments on how dumb he was, everything.

The only time he ever gave his all was on the battlefield - moving fast, memorizing strategies, doing complicated footwork, knowing exactly how much force it took to crush someone’s skull with his bat.

That was one of the only things that he felt good doing, the only thing he could really work on without him being “found out.”

That and drawing, though he never showed the actual pieces to anyone. It was all stick figures and crooked lines with everyone else.

Sometimes, though, Scout wouldn’t be paying attention and he’d let something slip.

One time, Engineer was looking for his screwdriver, and couldn’t seem to find it anywhere.

Scout, not looking up from his comic, said, “Under the couch cushion, hard hat.”

Engineer bent down and reached into the couch, and his hand came back with his red and yellow striped screwdriver.

“Well I’ll be damned…”

At first Engineer thought Scout had just hid it, but Scout explained, still not paying attention:

“Last time we went out on th’ field, you had it on your belt, like always. But I was walkin’ by your workshop, you were usin’ a quarter to tighten a screw or somethin’. Your screwdriver had to be somewhere between the battlefield and your workshop. Engie, you’re like freakin’ clockwork. Every day, after a fight, you go to the kitchen, get a water, go to that couch, between the second and third cushion from the left, and sit there. Then ya go back to the fridge to get lunch and a beer, and ya go to your workshop until somebody needs you for somethin’. Your back loop in your tool belt is looser than all the others, ‘cause the screwdriver pulls against it when you sit down. The shank was probably in between the two cushions, and when you got up, it fell in. Demo, Pyro, and Heavy all sit on the second or third cushion at some point, so it got shimmied down. And since that’s the only time you sat down, ‘cause you woulda heard it if it dropped on the floor, and I…uh…”

“I’ll be damned,” Engie repeated, and felt the back tool belt loop. It was indeed loose.

Scout finally looked up, and realized what had happened.

“Uh, uh - l-lucky guess, huh Engie?”

Engineer squinted behind his goggles. “Yeah…real lucky…”

What ensued was Engie trying to get Scout to turn into a B.L.U Spy by chasing him around with his wrench. After a few good hits, though, Engineer saw that it was the teammate he knew and loved.

“But…how didja…?”

Scout threw his hand up, the other rubbing the back of his head where he’d been hit.

“I toldja Engie! Lucky guess! Jesus!”

Ever since then, Scout chose his words more carefully.

The Breakdown:

But, unfortunately, Scout could not pretend forever.

There was one week where Scout’s assignment count was so high that, if he wasn’t in a fight, he was on a mission.

Usually, Pauling wouldn’t trust him with so much, but no one else was available - or willing - to do the jobs.

Even when she was getting concerned about the amount of hours Scout was putting in, he blew it off.

“It’s no sweat, Miss Pauling! Their practically givin’ me the pay day. Those yahoos don’t know who they’re messin’ with.”

Over time, though, Scout had a harder and harder time staying focused and alert.

He’d sleep through alarms, stare off into space, zone out completely during briefing (not that he didn’t already do that), have a hard time hearing people in battle - even through his headset - ignore Spy’s taunts, and even forget to bring his bat onto the field.

Nothing seemed to help - Bonk!, warming up, stretching, cold showers, setting reminders, nothing.

And the team was starting to notice.

At first it was with the regular frustration - maybe Scout was just being lazy.

But as time went on, and his condition grew worse, their scorn turned into worry. They implored Medic to do something, but he had no way of getting through to Scout.

The doctor wasn’t above simply sedating him and dragging him into his lab for a check-up. However, he had a feeling that this was more than a physical issue.

The worst came when Scout was doing a routine battle with the B.L.U team on the field.

Everything had started out okay - he even remembered to bring his bad this time - but suddenly, everything was ear-splittingly loud.

He couldn’t focus on more than one sound at once, much less communicate the best course of action to his teammates.

He ended up hiding in a dilapidated shed, in a dusty, dark corner, somewhere between zoning out and panicking.

Scout’s head was in his knees, he was shaking, close to crying, when a sudden splitting of wood roused him.

A B.L.U Soldier had kicked his way into the shed, either having heard Scout or to hide from the other team.

Scout was stunned at first, but something of a blind terror filled him. He picked up his bat, screamed, and started pummeling the surprised Soldier.

At some point, he threw aside his bat and began to swing punch after punch, just like he did in his gang days when he had felt overwhelmed. Still screaming. Still crying.

By the time Scout had dissolved into a rocking, sobbing mess, the Soldier was long dead, with a gigantic pool of blood staining Scout’s shoes.

No one even knew where Scout was until a few hours later, when Spy heard a faint note of “Sexbomb” coming from Scout’s Walkman.

Scout had crawled into the shed’s framework, between the outer and inner wall, and was playing a specific verse over and over and over again, looking like he was on another plane of existence.

Spy immediately called for Medic, who had to lift Scout out by the underarms through a jagged hole in the side of the building. By then, the fight was over, so they could take him directly to the lab.

Medic’s Evaluation:

“I’m guessing zhis is your first mental breakdown?”

“Mental…doc, I ain’t crazy. Wait, you’re not goin’ to put me in a straight jacket, are ya?”

“If you’re not doing anyzhing later.”

Medic started to laugh, but quickly realized this might not be the time.

“No, Scout, everyvun has a mental breakdown at least vunce in their lives. It’s a…how do you say…a vake-up call of sorts. Vhen your body has no other options left.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“For zhe past few months, you health, both physical and mental, has been deteriorating. You eat less. You talk less. Your attacks are lackluster. You have bags under your eyes. You flinch vhen somevun yells for you. You stare off into space. Your routine, vhich usually has at least some changes, has become stringent, as if you can’t possibly expend any more energy into extra activities. You have avoided Demoman on zhe battlefield, even though you usually use him for cover.”

Medic flipped through his notes.

“I have pages and pages of your decline. However, as a scientist, I believe it is caused by zhe same source. And, though I usually respect my patient’s right to privacy vhen it comes to these sorts of matters, I believe you’ve been keeping something from me. Something that I should know as your general practitioner…your doctor.”

Scout shrugged, already shutting out the conversation.

Medic sighed.

“Maybe I tried to talk to you about zhis too soon. After all, you’ve just had a very sudden and exhausting episode. But…perhaps…”

Medic took a sheet of printer paper from his clipboard and a spare pen from his pocket.

“…zhere is an alternative.”

Scout was still unresponsive, but Medic continued.

“Zhere is a patient in my vaiting room vis a metal pole through the chest. It vill take me at least an hour to properly remove it, and a few minutes more to heal zhe area. Vhile I do zhat, vhy don’t you draw how you feel?”

Medic smiled.

“I know how much it grounds you.”

It wasn’t until Medic left that Scout actually picked up the pen, but he began drawing immediately.

For the first time in a while, he wasn’t trying to hide his strokes or scratch up the cleaner lines. No more stick figures. No more pretending.

Five minutes later, he was fully engrossed.

Medic started to walk in at one point, but, seeing how relaxed Scout was, decided to give him a few more minutes.

He deserved it.

[yandere-daydreams]

Twelve Days of Christmas - Day Four

Prompt: Ornaments

Pairing: Yandere!Oikawa/Reader & Yandere!Iwaizumi/Reader (Haikyuu!!)

TW: Kidnapping, Non-Consensual Touching, Gaslighting, Victim-Blaming, and Implied Physical Abuse.

Oikawa liked the holidays more than Iwaizumi.

For all the obvious reasons, of course. He liked the weather, the snow, the lights, and from what you could tell, his fondness for the season hadn’t dimmed since high school, when you’d been willing to let him take your hand or wrap you in one of his oversized jacket without being sedated, first. Iwaizumi was less cheery, always complaining about chapped lips and how hard it was to keep you inside when you’d realized you were close to spending another year in their loving care, but you could tell he didn’t hate it. Not since Oikawa left for Argentina, not since the holidays became one of the only times during the year when he had an excuse to come back to Japan for an entire month, rather than a couple weeks or a few days or, on one memorable birthday, a handful of hours. Iwaizumi liked it when they were together, even if he could tolerate the distance. It might’ve been sickeningly sweet, if you’d still had the luxury of an outside perspective.

Like this, it was just sickening.

Oikawa seemed to get more affectionate in the winter, too. He’d already been home for a week, long enough to get used to sleeping with two warm bodies in his bed, and yet, not long enough to put a dent in his grin as he rested his chin on your shoulder, not long enough to make his touch feel any less invasive as he draped himself over you, resting his weight on your form and clinging to you, despite your attempts to subtly edge away. If you were being optimistic, you might’ve said he was trying to help, that he had a genuine interest in helping you hang cheap, store-bought baubles on the tree he and Iwaizumi’d brought home last night, but if he was, there were certainly better ways to do it than splaying his hands over your hips and staring on idly as you worked your way around the pine tucked into a spare corner of Iwaizumi’s apartment. At best, he was just happy, glad to be home and willing to overlook the resentment in your eyes. More realistically, he was trying to make you uncomfortable, trying to get you to shove at him or run off and give him an excuse to chase you down.

And at worst, it was starting to work.

You tried to focus on the mindless task, on avoiding dots of sap and looping those thin, silver strings around whatever branch looked like it could hold the small spheres of plastic Iwaizumi deemed ‘safe’ for you to handle, but Oikawa made it difficult. He was more than content to slot his chest against your back, to sigh too loudly to be ignored every time your attention started to stray. His voice wasn’t any better, all prodding desperation, that dull but persistent neediness he couldn’t seem to shake. You might’ve felt guilty for trying to brush him off, if he’d been a little better at hiding his intentions. “Iwachan can be so mean, sometimes,” He started, the words partially muffled by your skin. You had to fight the urge to shudder. “Poor sweetheart, forced to work so hard whenever I’m not around… It’s a good thing I’m here to help, right?”

You really shouldn’t pick fights with Oikawa. Iwaizumi was responsible for most of your ‘discipline’, as they liked to call it, but when Oikawa was able to, he liked to take a more proactive approach in spurring Iwaizumi’s stern hand. It really, really wasn’t a good idea to get on his bad side so quickly.

But, then you felt his hands slip under the hem of your borrowed hoodie as you reached up to fill a bare spot near the tree’s peak, and you might’ve had a momentary lapse of judgment. “It’s easier when you’re not here, sweetheart.”

There was a beat of silence, a slight falter in his smile. Almost instantly, you regretted saying anything at all. “What was that, beautiful?” It was a question, but he clearly didn’t want an answer. Oikawa was good at that. He always knew just what to say to make you feel smaller, whenever you stood next to him. “I don’t think I like your tone.”

The base was still more empty than it should’ve been, too much green with too little gold and red to interrupt it. You were tempted to bend over, to patch in the vacant space, but then you felt Oikawa shift, warm breath fanning over your neck, and you thought better of it. “I didn’t mean to—”

“This is why I’ve got to start getting you away from Iwachan more often.” There was another sigh, this one drained, exasperated, as if he’d already let you make your excuses and dismantled them, as if he’d already won. “He spoils you, when I’m not here. He lets you get away with acting like a brat, and you get used to it. You start pretending you’re a captive again, and he’s too patient to correct your behavior.” He stopped, for a moment, shaking his head. His grip loosened as he pulled away, reaching just far enough to tug one of the closer ornaments off your tree – blue, bell-shaped, a little more fragile than the rest. One of the few Iwaizumi kept that you weren’t allowed to touch. “You should feel special, honestly. He’s always had a soft spot for you, not that I don’t. I just think you could benefit from a… reminder, every now and then. Just a little something to show you why we’re in charge, and how thankful you should be for everything we love you enough to allow.”

You didn’t have time to stop him. You tried to, scrambling to pry the ornament out of his hand, but it was already slipping through his fingers, already falling before you could do so much as push him away. You shut your eyes, but that did little to fend off the sound of shattering glass, the feeling of Oikawa pulling away quickly, defensively, leaving you standing above the evidence. Iwaizumi’s reaction was just as audible, albeit delayed. There was crash from the next room over, a door hitting drywall, and then Iwaizumi appeared in the nearest doorway, his features already contorted into a stern frown. Eager to play peacekeeper, even if he tried to deny it.

A role Oikawa was more than happy to indulge.

You opened your mouth, but Iwaizumi was already talking over you. “Explain, Tooru. Before I make you spend the next month in a hotel.”

“So harsh,” Oikawa huffed, but he didn’t argue, only letting his expression drop into something more befitting of an exhausted boyfriend, fed-up with his partner’s attitude. “Somebody just had a little temper tantrum. I was just trying to help out, but you know how testy (Y/n) can get. I think we just need a little more time to—”

“That’s not true,” You snapped, squaring your shoulders. You knew how you sounded, childish, sensitive, but you couldn’t seem to stop yourself. “He’s lying, I’m just trying to—”

Iwaizumi didn’t bother letting you finish, letting out a warning growl as he caught you by the wrist, jerking you to his side. “I think you’re trying to get yourself in trouble,” He warned, his grip tightening, leaving you biting the inside of your cheek, fighting the urge to pull away, curling into yourself knowing that resisting would only make things worse, even if it was warranted. Even if you could feel Oikawa’s smirk, blatant and approving, whether or not Iwaizumi cared enough to take notice. “Bedroom, now. You should know better than to break things, but clearly, you need a refresher. Especially if you think you can get away with lying to me, on top of it.”

You almost argued. You almost yelled. You wanted to. Desperately, you wanted to, but you stopped yourself, biting the inside of your cheek as you glared at the floor. You could, but there wouldn’t be a point. It wouldn’t make a difference.

Oikawa might’ve liked the holidays more than Iwaizumi, he might’ve liked making you feel helpless more than Iwaizumi did, but that didn’t matter. It’d never mattered, really.

They both liked putting you in your place, whether or not they wanted to admit it.

[blacklister214]

Suspicion: So Close and Yet So Far

 Having just finished Suspicion on Apple TV I find myself very frustrated because it really was so close to being a good show. 

Good pacing, good casting, good general plot, and good characters established on 4/5 of the main suspects. Now I comes the part where I rant about missed opportunities and poor choices, and WTF mistakes.

SPOILERS below

1) Sean Tilson. It felt to me that Sean’s character was being written by two different people with opposite intentions for him. Somebody wants him to be an anti-hero. The person had him standing up for the flight attendant, visiting with his Grandpa, sharing tragic backstory, not killing Natalie at the drop, not violently reacting to Natalie attacking him, and not letting the rendition team do whatever to the gang. The other person was writing a psycho, blowing up the married woman he’s been sleeping with, extremely violently stealing a motorcycle, and straight-up murdering an innocent bystander for his car. To me, criminal with a code was clearly the way to go. It makes the him bringing all of them along to the US plausible before the whole “he was secretly delivering them to the rendition team.” It allows for him to bond with the group, which informs his decision not to sell the gang out. It allows for a stronger connection to Tara, making her part in the scheme to frame him have more of an impact. It also gives you options in the finale about how his presence may change the outcome.

2) Why were they suspects again? Was it literally just the kidnappers wore the royal family masks and they were British citizens at the hotel? They had connections to the company yes, but so did half the hotel. The British thing was handed to them by the kidnappers. That the police thought was enough to arrest a bride in the middle of her wedding? Really? If they’d been wearing Hitler masks would they have rounded up the German citizens? Sean, fine he’s a known merc on the scene of the crime. Yes, Natalie’s being there is coincidental, a possibly merits an interview, but an arrest? Give me a break. Aedesh’s presence is not strange on his end. He is desperately trying to build his company. Copeland having the interview at all is what’s weird. 

3) Why did Copeland try to kill Tilson? He hired the mercenaries (Tillman’s group) to find Leo. Those were not non-lethal, sedate to interrogate methods. How can Tillman’s boss get answers from a dead man? He is the most likely candidate to be involved after all.   

4) Why interrogate the suspects like that at an airfield? You can hustle them onto a plane and interrogate there, which is far more secure.     

5) How did those “appearance changes” pass Tilson’s inspection? Eddie looked different, nobody else did. Aedesh didn’t even shave his beard. No one died their hair.

6) How is it possible that even in the hotel where the kidnapping took place no one recognized two of the suspects at the check-in desk. Also why not send Eddie? He had the pixelated face after all.  

7) Cresswell turned himself in rather than the police finding him. Coincidence or part of Tara’s plan? If plan of Tara’s plan then a risk, seeing as her father isn’t super stable. If not, then too much of a coincidence. The police should have at least had the win of finding him.

8) Cresswell’s tragedy also might have played better if they’d made Tara’s mother older than 18, and actually married to Cresswell. Weird that she was his one and only love, yet they were together at least three years, had a kid, and they didn’t even manage a courthouse wedding. 

9) Tara’s Plan is unclear and off brand. She made it sound like she was planning on letting the other three swing with her. Not really on brand with “Tell the Truth” mantra. Her rationalizations for why they deserved to be smeared with lies was weak. Sean doing shifty deeds I’d buy, but they needed to be enumerated. Him being the one who took Daisy would have worked. Natalie deserved it because why? She was their financial manager? Was she moving bribe money? More specifics necessary. Aedesh was the weakest of all. He deserves to go to jail for kidnapping for NOT committing a crime? For wanting a cybersecurity job with a PR company. They ALL deserve a worse fate than the woman who actually broke up her family, destroyed her father, and helped deny climate change to calamitous effect on the world?

10) How was Tara planning on handling Eddie? She knew he was a cop. The Police would believe him. She was confessing the plan to him. She had no blackmail material on him. Was she going to kill him if Dios ex Sean didn’t show up?

11) Why would Aedesh run with Tara after any of it? She did nothing to redeem herself. She deliberately stuck him in this shit because he didn’t commit hacktivism.  

12) How is Eddie alive? Did Sean mean for him to survive? Why? 

13) Eddie is alive and communicating. Why isn’t he yelling from the rooftops what actually happened? 

A few tweaks and this show was fixed:

1) Anti-hero Sean. Non-lethal force while stealing vehicles. No murdering married lovers.

2) Tara’s and Leo’s plans should not have aligned. In her version once they draw out the Katherine’s confession, she and Leo confess to faking the kidnapping. Simple, on brand, about the Truth. Sean serves as the temporary decoy and she even plans to clear him in the end. 

Leo and company should have been the ones to set up everyone else, with the plan in place to have Tara and the others take the fall. Leo is about the re-branding, not the truth. He could have been planning on staging a kidnapper falling out, Tara having a crisis of conscience killing the others then herself. Sean saves then day, and they all escape together, setting up S2.

[bananaofswifts]

ince about 2018, Taylor Swift has been at the centre of arguably the most riveting contract dispute in music business history since Prince wrote “slave” on his cheek. It has been a conflict fought in public, in detail. No precis does the nuances justice, but the crux of Swift’s unhappiness is that the rights to her first six albums were sold out from under her nose when her former label, Big Machine, was acquired by a man she regards as an enemy: Scooter Braun.

Braun is Justin Bieber’s manager; more pertinently, he also managed the rapper Kanye West at a time when West was tormenting Swift – another vexed tale wrapped around this one in a double helix. The antagonism between Swift and West began when he interrupted her acceptance speech for best female video at the VMAs in 2009. The video in question was You Belong With Me – a hit from Swift’s hugely successful 2008 album Fearless. That album has now been totally re-recorded by Swift and was released on Friday.

Why? In November 2020, after months of hostilities exchanged via social media and the legal profession, Braun sold Swift’s catalogue on to a private equity firm, Shamrock Holdings. As part of the deal, Braun would continue to profit from the use of Swift’s early work on streaming platforms, radio, TV and adverts.

If you were trying to sell this as an art forgery, someone would eventually twig

Swift particularly objects to the fruits of her youthful labours going to a man she has accused of “incessant, manipulative bullying”, on whose watch West made a video creepily sexually objectifying her (other celebrities were also depicted).

Swift’s radical solution is to make her first six albums worth significantly less by re-recording them, so that future uses favour her, not Shamrock or Braun. Hence Fearless (Taylor’s Version) – less an album and more a breathtaking chess move, the aural equivalent of pulling the rug out from under her antagonists.

First released in 2008 – 13 years ago, a favourite number of Swift’s – Fearless was Swift’s second studio outing and first massive hit. By the time the album’s cycle had concluded, she had the bestselling album in the US and a slew of awards, including the Grammy for album of the year– she was the award’s youngest-ever recipient until Billie Eilish.

It was a different world: when the album was released, Swift, just 18, had recently broken up with a Jonas Brother. Her songs were rooted in country, but the foundations of her pop auteurism were plain. The album’s overemphasis on romance was mitigated by Swift’s insightfulness, which only grew more acute with time.

“When you’re 15, and somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them,” she sang ruefully on the autobiographical Fifteen, from the lofty vantage point of someone not yet of legal drinking age in the US. Swift’s signature ad libs were there too – the laugh on Hey Stephen – as were the killer bridges that hallmark so many of her best songs, riding on the thermal of a key change.

All this is still present, and there’s more: six unreleased songs that date from the Fearless album sessions plus a re-recording of Today Was A Fairytale, a song she contributed to the soundtrack to the 2010 film Valentine’s Day. On Fearless (Taylor’s Version), Swift has radically recreated the 2008 cover shot. Its sepia tint, and the loose peasant blouse she is wearing, very much suggest the contemporary Swift of her soft-focus albums of 2020, Folklore and Evermore.

But she has been at pains to reproduce her original country-pop as precisely as possible, the better to gazunder Shamrock Holdings. It’s a labour of revenge, but also of love: Swift has re-employed key contributors from the period and mixed them with members of her live band who played many of these songs live for years. Guests such as Keith Urban, who she toured with at the time, crop up on bonus tracks like That’s When.

These unreleased vault tracks are something of a mixed bag. They’re intended as a sweetener – choice pickings from Swift’s rich vault of unreleased material – but she has carte blanche to present them as she pleases. They’ve ended up as sedate iterations, pairing the brighter, more direct songcraft of the younger Swift with the watercolour production of the Folklore era. There are exceptions: Mr Perfectly Fine can handle the pastels, it’s such a stone cold classic Swift song; You All Over Me is similarly rewarding, not least because it is an obvious precursor to 1989’s Clean.

The core reproductions, however – of the 19 re-recorded tracks that formed the platinum version of Fearless – are a roaring success. The verisimilitude of the music is as near-as-dammit, although if you were trying to sell this as an art forgery, someone would eventually twig. The production can’t help but sound smoother, the quality of the playing more nuanced – witness the interplay between the guitar and banjo that opens the new version of the title track, or on one of the album’s biggest hits, You Belong With Me.

What really stands out, though, are Swift’s vocals. She can’t reproduce her reedier, less skilful teenage self. She parcels out her tones more cannily now, an anachronism that is no criticism. But spending time with all this juvenilia only points up the quality of Swift’s songwriting. Fearless (Taylor’s Version) is both an art project executed serendipitously and a strategic move the industry will be poring over for some time.

[transandor]

Hello I wrote u a thing:

“My captain, come to the temple in the end, I have something for you.”

He’d been so happy when he heard her call. How long had it even been? Since the last time she asked for his presence. Since the last time she acknowledged his existence at all let alone want to give him something. He had to restrain himself as he practically raced to the temple.

“M’Lady? You wanted to see me?”

She smiled, “Jordan,”

He hated the fact that his voice was shaking. Jordan couldn’t deny the hesitant excitement and budding hope that she sees me, she does care-

“I’m sorry”

What a lie.

She’s gone.

Ianite, His goddess is dead and gone and all that’s left of her is the divine standing as god of balance she passed down to him upon her death.

The goddess of balance is gone and he’s been shoved into her place.

He doesn’t know how long it’s been since it happened. Or if it’s still happening. For all Jordan knows the transfer of power hasn’t ended.

It certainly still hurts as if it hasn’t ended. After all, mortal bodies weren’t made to take on so much divine quintessence all at once. He’s in so much mind numbing pain that it’s a pure miracle he hasn’t passed out yet.

Becoming a full on god is leagues different than just becoming a Demigod. Or perhaps this hurts because of his status as a demigod. It’s completely possible that he’ll just explode in a bloody mess from all the magic and power that’s been shoved into him.

Jordan is all too aware of the changes his body is undergoing physically and magically. There’s so much magic. So much of it that it feels practically endless. He’s used to the rush of power that pulling from the champion bond causes but this makes the little surges of energy feel like child’s play. He’s on his knees, doubled over, writhing in agony. His stomach churns and Jordan fears he’s about to lose what little contents are still in his stomach. His body is burning and the world is spinning too fast for him to process anything right in front of him. He’s trapped in a sort of sensory overload as he becomes acutely aware of the universe. He’s vaguely aware of the sound of screaming and agonized wailing and it takes a long moment for Jordan to process that it’s him making those sounds. He can feel the presence of her brothers. Of Mianite and Dianite and everytime they move something shifts and he feels sick again. His skull feels split open and his back is on fire. Muscles and flesh tearing apart and reforming and growing.

Jordan isn’t sure how much more of this he can take.

Mianite is in front of him suddenly and Jordan struggles to see the god clearly through his swimming vision. Jordan knows Mianite is trying to say something to him and he barely is able to process the question.

When he does it makes him want to cut the god down where he stands.

“Jordan, would you like some water?”

Water? Would he like some water-

“SOMEBODY SEDATE ME!”

okay the end threw me and i laughed but still ABSOLUTELY all of it was fucking tasty