#*hides head in embarrassment*

[birrdify]

oh smg4 fixation how far ive fallen for you ............ hhi smg4 fandom waving nervously

[tsutsumi-kurose]

what I think shinsou’s search history looks like after izuku tells him about OFA and how shinsou’s quirk helped him meet the vestiges and get his powers under control:

2:24 AM: can your quirk be connected to someone else’s

2:37 AM: are soulmates a real thing

2:39 AM: can you still get a lobotomy if you want one

2:43 AM: what does it mean if a guy cries and smiles at you and tells you how much you’ve done for his personal growth and also the world

2:45 AM: how to tell if a guy likes you back

2:58 AM: diy lobotomy safe

[cozylittleartblog]

swatchvember prompt: party

happy 37th birthday to Microsoft Paint ✨🎂🎉🎈

[autisticgayplushie]

salad the aromantic puppy :3

[nonokoko13]

I know what he is

I recognise a tsundere when I see one

[quailxcrossing]

thinkingg..............i might want to post some AU content on here. bc my posts are just seen by my awesome friends n moots and most of them can't see my AU work...but they have no idea the beloved antics i put in my AUs.................i want yall to see the waffle fries human au SO bad

[honeycreammilkshake]

there will be cake.

i finally finished my first fic, and it's greenflame! it takes place between possession and skybound. i spent a few days on it and i'm still not satisfied... it still feels a bit ooc and amateur to me, but please let me know what you think. here it is...

Sitting down for dinner with the other ninja, Kai had no intention of talking about anything serious, let alone marriage, and especially not how he should go about proposing to Lloyd. But picking at his bowl of chili, he looked around to his friends, watching them talk about their day with animated expressions and exaggerated hand gestures, observing Cole and Jay arguing about every detail of their training so they could trade insults while blushing whenever anyone (mostly Zane) pointed out just how closely they'd have to be watching each other to know such minor things about their routines. And when Kai glanced over to his sister she was already glancing his way with an exasperated smirk at Cole and Jay's antics.

The only absent one was Lloyd. The Green Ninja was training late, as usual, pushing himself to his limits. The perfectionism was at first a little annoying for Kai, who tended to take any show of exertion as a competition against him, but overtime he'd learned to accommodate his boyfriend, who was typically late to dinner or outings with the rest of them. The pressure Lloyd must have felt, every single day, to not only lead the rest of them but to also make his pretty much godly ancestors proud of him had been grinding on him even more as of late, and Kai didn't want to add to their young leader's troubles. Still though… after their last battle, almost losing Lloyd to possession had made him keenly aware of how fragile the normalcy of all their lives were.

At any time, they could find themselves under attack once more. Ninajo had a reputation for attracting the most dark-hearted, vengeant, and power-hungry of villains, and Kai had to wonder if there was some kind of sign posted out for all the tyrants coming to seize this particular place. Something massive and neon was advertising how siegable and conquerable this entire land was somewhere, he was sure.

But as a ninja, bound and entangled with all the rest of his team (a fate he would never want reversed or changed in any way), he knew he would lay down his life for any one of his friends if it ever came down to it. And, naturally, he knew in his heart that no matter how much he teased or gave Lloyd trouble, he would stand behind that completely unhinged god-in-training no matter what. Wherever Lloyd led him, he would follow. And it was because of this that he knew he had to make their relationship even more official, even more sacred, so that when villains like Morro or Chen or the rest came knocking again, Kai would know there was still a chance at a normal life, even a small part of it, in their own lives. That he could say that Lloyd was his in more way than one and come back home to that small piece of stability.

Now, watching his friends continue to taunt and push each other, a warm feeling suddenly overtook Kai, not unlike the sensation he got whenever he drank a nice cup of Wu's tea. He felt it blossom inside of him, a hot and protective surge that came whenever he thought of the others, especially Lloyd. He knew he could trust them completely, he could ask anything of them and they wouldn't treat him any differently for it.

So it was without any filter that he found himself asking, "Guys, if I were to hypothetically propose to someone… someone who's very uhm… career-driven and practically all-powerful, how would I go about asking them to do something absolutely ordinary like marriage?"

A small silence briefly overtook the table as the others, except for Cole who was still digging into his plate without interest in anything else, glanced around towards each other. Nya, on Kai's left side, was completely still all of a sudden and opposite him Zane and Jay exchanged looks.

Just as the stillness was starting to become unnerving, Zane, always practical, broke in, "Logically the best way would be to—"

"Oh my gosh, you guys," Jay all but shrieked. "Kai and Lloyd are going to get married!"

"Wait what????" Kai burst out, feeling his cheeks start to heat up. "I didn't say anything about—"

"Oh please," Jay scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You're the fire ninja, Kai, so whatever you're trying to cover up, you still burn holes right through it." He was picking at his bowl of chili delicately, like most of its contents offended him, and by the way he had complained about every other dish Cole had prepared for them, you would think it was genuine. But Kai knew the Blue Ninja would sneak lots of extra helpings of Cole's meals whenever he thought they weren't looking. And seeing as how most of Cole's food was… to put it plainly… bad, Kai knew it was because Jay was simply (and not so secretly) completely crazy for the Earth Master.

"You guys thought it was such a secret, but we could all tell what you were up to," Jay continued, matter of fact, then smirked. "The walls here are really thin, you know."

Kai groaned and buried his face in hands. "Okay," he sighed out. "So what if it is Lloyd?"

"I knew it!" Zane exclaimed from Cole's side, face lighting up. When the others looked to him, he explained, "Pixal told me they have a 95% compatibility rate. Lloyd's sensitivity and high emotional intelligence counterbalances Kai's hotheadedness and temper—"

"Yeah yeah we get it," Kai huffed, feeling called out.

"My vitals monitors indicate that your heart-rate speeds up whenever Lloyd appears," Zane added helpfully. "My data also suggests that Lloyd's libido increases whenever he watches you training."

Beside him, Nya made a choking sound. "Oh my god," she gasped, wiping away dribbles of water from her lips. "Please never say libido again, Zane."

Despite the embarrassment at having his secret relationship exposed so quickly, Kai couldn't help the way that information stroked his ego. All the time that little brat had been claiming to watch so closely to point out errors in Kai's form (as he always did) he was secretly checking Kai out shamelessly. It made him flush with more than a little contentment, but he got a hold of himself quickly, and managed to grit out, "Okay guys, that's enough."

"Where would they even get married though?" Jay pushed on, ignoring Kai entirely.

"Somewhere big enough for all of us," Zane pointed out. "I can compile a list of popular wedding locations and analyze them for suitability."

"No no," Jay dismissed, whipping his spoon around passionately so that a bit of chili hit Kai in the face. He wiped it off with a grimace as Jay continued to lecture Zane. "It should be somewhere perfect for the both of them..." Jay bit down on the handle of his spoon and then grinned widely at Kai. "I know just the place—my parent's junkyard!"

Kai blinked, caught off-guard. "Jay, I'm not marrying Lloyd in a junkyard—"

Across the table, Cole's face finally unfused from his plate long enough for him to shout, "Will there be cake? I'll definitely come if there's cake!"

"Always thinking with your stomach, right Cole?" Jay snarked. But the Earth Master chose to ignore him, much to Jay's disappointment.

As the others continued to conspire Lloyd and Kai's wedding, loudly describing each lavish detail — "Lloyd should wear all red so Kai can wear all green... and there should be dragons!!!" Jay contributed while Zane added, "Kai should put Lloyd in his lap and ride in on one to the ceremony" and Cole piped in, "And there should be triple stacked cake afterwards!" — Kai's ears picked up shuffled movement in the hallway. He sat up straight. Wu and Misako were out getting "vital" supplies like flavored tea and herbal medicines — old people errands — and they weren't expecting anyone else to come calling. It could only be Lloyd.

Getting that sensation he got whenever he was about to be cornered, he felt himself start to panic. "Guys, if you don't shut up now, I swear I'll send every single one of you to the Cursed Realm," Kai hissed out. "I don't even care if we're on the same team — you will all be banished for your crimes. This conversation is over."

But, of course, cause everything and everyone hated Kai, this was the exact conversation Lloyd chose just that moment to walk in on.

With a short glance around to the other ninja, he came into the room and a crushing silence followed as they all tracked him with their eyes. He walked casually, carrying a bowl laden with an excessive amount of Cole's chili (which wasn't that bad but it also wasn't that good either, so Kai felt Lloyd had filled it to the brim subconsciously) and settled down in his usual spot to the right of Kai, slowly lifting his spoon to his lips…. Lips that were twisted up in an unmistakable smirk, the one Kai knew and adored so well, that he loved to bite on — but right now, seeing the way it melted away the usual prim and proper princely beauty of Lloyd's face into the wild rawness of the conceded brat he really was, all Kai could think was Lloyd knows…. He's been listening in on the whole thing!

"What's all this about cake?" Lloyd asked, oh so innocently, as if he didn't know already, and Kai kind of wanted to manhandle him right then and there for being such an unyielding brat.

But before Kai could say or do anything to grab at any sort of control over the conversation, Jay leaned in closer to Lloyd, conspiratorially settling his chin into his cupped hand like he was about to tell the world's greatest secret. With a hauntingly straight face he said, "Only that Kai can't keep his eyes off yours."

… And then everything kind of blew up in Kai's face.

Nya and Zane burst out laughing and Cole let out a bellowing huff before slapping Jay across the back so hard the Blue Ninja's face almost landed in his uneaten bowl of chili (Kai wished with his whole heart that it really had). Jay glared briefly at Cole but then the Master of Earth said, "I guess that's why they call you the Master of Shocks! That was a good one, Jay."

Pure pride swelled the Master of Shocks' chest, making him look just like a puffed up little blue jay — which he technically was… though Kai could barely register the humor of it as sticky hot embarrassment exploded inside of him.

"Oh wow you guys," Nya finally managed to gasp as she held her sides, like she could fall apart from the delicious humiliation of it all. She wiped at her eyes, choking out, "Look at Lloyd's cheeks — they look like cherries!"

Lloyd's mouth was pressed together tightly, and his cheeks were definitely a deep scarlet that Kai took some satisfaction in seeing, but he knew his own cheeks were probably just as red and burning twice as hot.

And of course Jay would point that out. "Guys, check out Kai's face — he's burning up!"

"Oh the irony," Nya giggled.

"Red ninja indeed!" Zane chimed in with a grin that practically spilled off his face. And in that moment, Kai had never been more certain in his life that he was surrounded by traitors. Enemies.

Kai ground his teeth together and finally managed to squeeze out some sort of response. "You're all banished."

The other ninja, minus a cherry-colored Lloyd, started laughing again as Kai sat there, gripping the edge of the table and plotting revenge. Only Cole made any kind of move towards redemption, leaning closer to both Lloyd and Kai to say, "You know we're just teasing you two… We're really happy to see you making things more official. And just so you know, I would love to be there for you, even if there no's cake for me."

"You do know the whole point is so that Kai gets to keep the cake just for himself, don't you?" Jay smirked.

Before Kai could set fire to either himself or Jay, Cole turned to the Blue Ninja and smiled. "Don't worry, sparky, I'll make sure to claim a cake for myself too," he said, and proceeded to reach over so he could grope Jay's ass as the smaller ninja let out a high-pitched squeak.

"Who's the Master of Shock now?" Zane grinned as Jay started choking.

Nya pursed her lips and said, "Really? Right in front of my chili?"

Kai moaned and buried his face in his hands as the entire table descended into chaos. But it died out quickly as Lloyd stood up, his face unreadable, that silken smirk of his erased from his lips. As Kai peeked up at him, he couldn't help but feel… reverent. Lloyd was strong, and fierce, and brave. And more than that… he was the magnet that kept them gravitating to him, to their destiny. Their fates were inexplicably tied to his for the rest of their lives. They all shared a bond deeper than mere friends: they were each other's counterparts and focal points and homes.

And nobody was more at home with Lloyd than Kai.

"Kai," Lloyd began, and Kai felt the air rush out him as soon as Lloyd turned those ember-bright eyes right on his face. "Do… do you really want to marry me?"

Kai's heart was pounding far too fast. It felt like the adrenaline spark right before a battle. "Of course," he managed.

The other ninja were finally fully silent, their eyes wide and watchful. Feeling bold, Kai pushed away from the table and stood right in front of his boyfriend. Then he sank to his knees, his eyes never leaving Lloyd's, and swallowed. "You know that all of us are bound to you, and all of us would protect you with our lives, just as you would do for us. But the bond I share with you runs even deeper. I promised you that I would protect you, and that I would follow where you lead me, that you could always rely on me, so I would like to ask you now… Will you let me follow you forever? Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon, will you marry me?"

In all that time, Lloyd and Kai didn't look away from each other. The others remained blissfully quiet, but there was a current of anticipation coursing through the room.

It felt like an age before Lloyd cleared his throat and said, "Of course I will.... Someone has to keep my cake away from Cole, after all."

Kai groaned but found himself grinning anyways. "You're insufferable," he told Lloyd and pushed up from the floor.

"That only means you're even more perfect a match," Nya pointed out from Kai's side, but she hugged her brother tightly, patting him on the back. They both knew how much this meant to him...

Lloyd and Kai returned to their places at the table and tried to resume eating normally, but they kept glancing over to each other until Jay scoffed and said, "You two, honestly, go get a room."

"Quiet, sparky, you'll get yours soon," Cole winked and Jay started to protest.

"If you think I have any interest at all in a dusty piece of rock like you—"

"Yeah yeah," Cole waved him off. "Keep pretending, bluey."

Lloyd laughed and reached over to offer his hand for Kai to hold. Kai took it gently, and didn't miss the way everyone stared at their joined hands, their fingers twining together.

"No matter what comes in the future, we'll face it together," Lloyd promised Kai, and they felt each other's pulses jump at his words.

Kai nodded, soaking up the way the light hit the pale gold of Lloyd's hair, making it look just like a glowing halo. This boy would be the death of him, he just knew it. He couldn't help the smile spreading across his face. He raised a spoonful of chili towards Zane, Cole, and Jay and gave his best unhinged grin. "The future looks bright for you and me both, but right now I say we take these three down for being so obnoxious," he suggested and Lloyd grinned too, wild and full of fire, just like Kai.

"What?" Zane sputtered. "I didn't do anything!"

"Wait!" Jay cried out. "But we helped you propose to him, Kai!"

Lloyd snorted while Kai rolled his eyes. "Sure you did," the Master of Fire said, then launched the first spoonful at Jay's surprised face.

"Food fight!!!" Nya cried, pounding her fist on the table before she upended her entire plate on Kai's head.

Kai gasped, shaking sticky shrimp out of his hair. Reaching up, he felt the clingy, pasty sauce of the dish matting his once-immaculate spikes, and he shrieked, "GET HER, LLOYD!"

With a roar, the table fell into chaos again. As the ninja threw handfuls of food at each other — except for Cole who sat there lamenting the waste of it all — Lloyd and Kai looked at each other and smiled. Everything that they had ever done, all that they had ever faced and clawed their way through, had been worth it for moments just like this. With a laugh, Kai leaned in and kissed Lloyd in front of everyone, not even caring to keep anything concealed anymore.

He didn't even care when Nya shouted, "Gross!" and splashed the rest of her water on them. With a smirk, he pulled Lloyd closer and set a palm to the boy's back to dry out his clothes.

"You know," Zane said afterwards, as everyone settled down. "Someone has to clean all this up before Master Wu returns."

"Not me!" Jay was the first shout.

"We will," Lloyd said calmly, volunteering an unwilling Kai before he could protest. "We started this after all."

"They had it coming," Kai argued but stopped when Lloyd cast him a sharp look.

"You said you'd follow wherever I lead," Lloyd reminded Kai, then smirked his signature smirk when Kai let out yet another groan.

"Alright then," Kai sighed. "Lead me to the dishes."

"Get used to this," Jay said smugly. "This is going to be married life for you from now on."

Cole stood up from his seat and brought the rest of his plate down, shrimp-first, on Jay's head. "And this is going to be married life with me," he promised the Master of Lightning and walked away smiling.

"Welcome to the family," Nya said to Lloyd before standing up from the table.

"Can't be crazier than my family," Lloyd called after her, then turned to Lloyd. "Well, let's get cleaning."

Kai sighed melodramatically but didn't complain. He had promised to follow Lloyd wherever he lead him, even if it was just to another mess to clean up. So he smiled as he knelt down to pick up pieces of dinner from the floor with Lloyd. He wouldn't have traded it for anything else.

[mother-of-houseplants-2]

pets i think the gallagher siblings would have post s11

this is such a ridiculous thing to fixate on but i literally can’t stop thinking about it and i need to write it all down lol

fiona:

i think it would take fiona a while to get to the point in her life where she could stomach caring for a pet, but when she did, it would be a dog. seeing her bond with rusty really makes me think she’d be such a good dog mom! especially since she’s such an anxious, high energy person; having a dog would force her into a healthier routine for herself, give her built-in ways to handle stress (running!), and just be so good for her mentally.

i definitely think fi would go to her local animal shelter and find the dog that’s been there the longest, the one no one else wants, and take it home. whether it’s the lil baby who’s sick/injured, ‘too old’ for people, the momma who’s depressed and doesn’t want to play because her babies all got adopted, the abused dog who’s reactive and nervous — fiona doesn’t care. she knows the feeling of being alone and scared and hurt all too well. she ends up adopting a giant, terrified baby of a dog (pittie maybe?) who needs special care because of a disability and they are thick as thieves immediately.

fiona would be such a good pet owner and so fiercely protective over her (she relates a little too much to being seen as “dangerous,” “chaos,” etc. when she’s just hurt and needs love) but so so so nervous she’s doing it all wrong. cue six months of frantic googling and stress smoking by the window so the dog doesn’t breathe in the smoke. but she does a great job, and the baby is so happy with her. maybe a little too happy; she demands to sit in fi’s lap at every given opportunity, and absolutely crushes her and liam under her weight when flopping down onto them for cuddles. they adore her. she adores them. they spoil her rotten, but she deserves it.

lip:

i see lip as a snake dude! he’d say he adopted a snake because it makes him look badass and cool, but really he just thinks they’re so interesting and pretty. plus, they’re bioengineering marvels! he was probably obsessed with them as a kid, and read those little creepy crawly books on them out loud to ian before bedtime (before fiona made him stop because it freaked ian out too much).

he gets a corn snake at first, and it’s the sweetest, cuddliest thing ever. most mornings when he’s getting freddie’s lunch packed and ready for elementary school and brewing coffee and combing his hair, the snake’s just chilling around his neck and hanging out. literally lol. it’s also so gentle and playful with freddie, who pets it like it’s a cat. a few years later, lip gets a ball python who is an absolute asshole. it is also, unfortunately, his favorite. tami says it’s because they’re so similar. lip insists it’s because he always falls for people who are mean to them, so tami takes to calling it the missus. it’s a whole thing.

i think tami would also push for getting a dog/a more “traditional” pet, which lip would be just fine with. the snakes live mainly in his office, anyway, so it’s not a problem. lip likes the dog, and loves watching freddie play with it, but it’ll never be as cool as his snakes.

ian:

i think ian and mickey would get a cat. maybe multiple! their first cat would be the scrungliest, meanest, bitchiest little one-eyed, flea-bitten asshole known to man who takes forever to warm up to them, but finally settles in after lots of bribery and cuddles and trust. he would bond more with mickey (maybe because of their kindred assholery?) and ian would be secretly so damn jealous. unfortunately, however, its the cutest thing he’s ever seen. so the cat gets a pass.

they’d get another cat after mickey starts insisting that their first little baby is getting lonely. ian thinks they should be thinking about adopting a human baby instead, but mickey isn’t quite ready yet. so they take in the tiniest cotton ball of a kitten ever, who grows immediately and inextricably attached to ian. he instantly lords it over mickey, who’s just happy to see his husband so enamored with the little floof (who ends up huge!).

when they adopt their first child, they think the first cat will have more trouble than the second, but they’re dead wrong. the tiny asshole is obsessed with the baby and won’t stop grooming them and purring at them and standing guard over the crib. the fluffy white cat is terrified and steers clear whenever the baby cries. mickey thinks it’s hilarious. ian has a picture of his husband, child, and two cats napping together on the couch as his screen saver.

debbie:

another one i feel strongly about: debbie and franny are spider girlies! franny decides one day that they’re her favorite animals, and debbie is thrilled because she and carl were the only gallagher siblings who weren’t afraid of them as kids and they feel special to her. (maybe fiona has arachnophobia and would stand stock still in terror and ask debbie to please please please take the spider out of the house asap; the first time it happened was the first time debbie felt strong and brave like her big siblings). debbie and franny do tons of research together and get a mexican redknee tarantula.

the tarantula is a darling. franny learns to be incredibly gentle and careful and bravely lets the little critter climb all over her arms and into her hair, and debs is beaming with pride every time. she takes a million pictures. she thinks it’s so charming that the orange of the spider’s legs blend in with the color of both of their hair. so fun! debbie’s favorite thing is taking care of the tank, and she’s always getting seasonal, spider-safe decor to put in there. franny loves feeding her live crickets. she likes watching the spider hunt and eat them. she thinks it’s the coolest thing ever.

debbie and franny have a couple dream spiders they wish they could have, but they simply don’t have the space/money yet to get them. debbie really wants a whole family of red rumps. franny wants a gooty sapphire — partially because they look so cool, partially because the name is hilarious. when franny is a little older, they move into a bigger house and are able to get an appropriate sized tank for their dream critters. they invite the family over for a housewarming (spider warming?) party. fiona is terrified and sweating and shaking the entire time but takes pictures of the others holding the spiders and gets franny a jellycat spider stuffy.

carl:

watching carl be so gentle and compassionate with those sick dogs in the basement makes me think he’d be so so so good with older/sick/disabled dogs. i think he’d be a really good dog dad and just have the dearest, purest bond with a little guy who maybe uses one of those tiny scooter things for his hind legs to get around (and join carl on runs!). i can also totally see him adopting an ex-police dog! i think it would be the push he needs to get out of law enforcement work (because let’s be real, after his season of disillusionment with cops and buying the alibi, i don’t think he’s staying in the field) and it would be so so good for him.

he and fiona would of course commiserate on the best ways to take care of a traumatized/injured dog. carl would learn to feel more capable and self confident in his abilities as he figures out innovative ways to care for him and provide the mental stimulation he needs without aggravating any injuries. it would just be so good for him. the lil guy would hang out at the alibi or wherever else carl works next and be everyone’s buddy and carl’s pride and joy.

i think he would also end up rescuing/rehabbing a lot of weird critters over the years. especially ones that people tend not to like, like skunks and opossums and rats and whatnot. he’d really relate to being feared/disliked for being “bad” because of his troubled-kid past, and advocate for them. also, his childhood experimentation on little creatures would definitely help him understand what makes them tick and how to help them get better lol.

liam:

so in this hc liam lives with fiona after the series because that’s what should have happened in the show and he simply adores their dog! they’re best friends and she sleeps at the foot of his bed and he loves her so so deeply. but when he grows up and moves out, he doesn’t get a pet for a very long time. after all, his siblings are all constantly coming over with their critters, he’s always pet sitting, always seeing pictures, etc etc etc, so he just doesn’t feel the need to get a pet himself. instead, he lives his best life and enjoys having a pet vicariously through all his siblings for a while.

i think liam would only get a pet after fiona passes away. with her poor self care habits and high stress life, fi goes young — not crazy young, but not old enough to die by any means — and it hits the kids hard, but hits liam the absolute hardest. he’s really lost for a very long time. one day, he finds the tiniest, angriest kitten in the world on the side of the road and decides to rescue it. it scratches the fuck out of him on the way to the vet and he is instantly and unfortunately attached to this little gremlin. he decides to adopt her, despite the fact that she’s very sickly and angry and nasty and doesn’t want anything to do with him. for like six months, they’re at each other’s throats constantly. liam considers giving her to ian and mickey or simply putting her up for adoption like every other week. he hates her guts but can’t stomach the thought of getting rid of her.

finally, eventually, they start to get along. or at least, the cat tolerates liam, and liam begrudgingly starts to like her back. they sit on the couch and watch tv together and judge people’s messy decisions on trashy soaps. the cat stops screaming at him to wake up in the middle of the night and instead walks all over him in his sleep and curls up on his neck to snooze. eventually, she stops trying to kill him. ultimately the cat definitely helps liam through his grief. she does not help the state of his wallet, though; she’s a classy lady and demands the finest of things in her home. liam still kinda hates her (affectionate). he doesn’t name her fiona but sometimes he imagines he’s raising a tiny, angry, traumatized baby fi. it helps.

[frobby]

Blue exorcist au where almost everything is exactly the same except rin is deaf

[the-obnoxious-sibling]

Imma be honest. I don’t get why buggg ALWAYS has to wear a hat. Wtf is with this guy. Was he born in a hat?

i don't understand hat people, but i have to respect the dedication to their cause.

[doublesidedgemini]

oh my gosh YALL so my bf who isn’t my bf took me out to dinner and I asked him if he would like to accompany me to my moms graduation from her writing program in the fall and he was like “I would go on a trip with you but not a whole big family thing”

And like I get that, that’s fair and valid considering we have only been dating for just three months about (even though it would be even longer by September but whatever)

But bc I am who I am my thoughts started spiraling and then I hit that THOUGHT that almost causes your undoing right then and there before god and everyone and I started to choke up and tear up and ofc he noticed and asked what was happening AND I totally played it off like I had too much hot sauce on my bite

He said, “you just had a very visceral reaction to whatever you just ate!” and chuckled to himself for a few minutes

And that’s on being a sad girl ladies and theydies and gents on the surface it’s too much hot sauce on the inside it’s years of trauma and damage threatening to spill out and self sabotage any inkling of a healthy relationship I might get

[tillman]

I get so embarrassed smtimes being like ohh. Im so annoying over obsessing over these few specific characters like everyone must barely put up with it but then Im liek wait Idc and I smile so huge at my room covered w images of them and kick my feet and giggle again and im fine. Im a fully grown man I can draw hearts around my favorite characters if I want to.

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[madamescarlette]

oh wise friend and mutual, how do you find inspiration again when you feel discouraged? despite having lovely friends and the distraction of a silly little crush, last semester of college is leaving me feeling beat up so I figured I'd ask for some advice <3

My dear, I've been turning this question over and over in my head this weekend because I want to be able to answer this as precisely as I'm able to.

First of all, I want to tell you that you are very much not alone in this feeling- my second-to-last semester was actually my hardest, in terms of work AND material, and I felt so pulled in all directions and told that I had to try my best in each class and work harder in each individual one than any of my others, all of them clamoring for my attention at once. I'm thankful for it in its own way, because I think I got the intended effect- my soul grew in leaps and bounds more in those five months than maybe any other semester of my life, but the growth was at the cost of a terrible aching and scathing of my soul, and that was very very hard to deal with.

I think primarily whenever I'm trying to deal with overexposure to being busy, I have to go back to the basics and ask myself- why do I want to do this? What is it that is so important to me that I have to accomplish this, even if it is at great cost to myself?

For a degree, that might be a really simple answer- you might want to finish it because you want to get employed, which is perfectly fine! It's a stepping stone for you. It might be to make someone proud of you, which is also completely worthy! For me, it was always important that I finish my degree as kind of a proof of life, for me in my teens who couldn't imagine it, but it was also just because I loved what I studied, and I was good at it, when I am so rarely good at most things. I wanted to be able to prove something tangible of the faith of the people who've believed in me so far, myself finally included in the end.

It might sound silly and simplistic, but just being able to put your finger on what your motivator is to cross the finish line has been extremely helpful to me in my own life, as just an initial way to get yourself off the ground floor and able to start feeling your way back to hope again. This is also less of a clean-cut opinion; usually when I've tried to approach this before, I'll make a list of my reasons out on paper, sleep on it, and read it again in the morning to see if I still feel the way that I did when I wrote it, and if not I revise it. But for me, usually I have a hidden realm of energy that I can tap back into once I understand my motivations and reasons for sticking to something with loyalty, and when I make them concrete and real, I can attack my work with renewed focus.

Another part of this, one that I found very rarely discussed in my realm of academics at least, was what I like to call the enrichment zone of our brains. Often when I go through a time that's beating me up, I end up more like a workaholic than anything else; something weird happens in my brain, and I figure that if I keep working and never stop, there's no possible way I can ever fail. This, while being the result of some silly fear-goblin in my brain, is usually what leads me to my shrimp pose crouched over my desk, blinking awake after five hours to my brother asking me if I want to eat something, or in a more concise way is what I call when my brain wins over my soul.

For whatever reason, there's something to do with my specific hyperfocus problem that makes it very easy for me to go haaard in one direction and try to prevent failure by ignoring everything about myself and diving into my work. While this can work for a very short amount of time, burning the candle at both ends shows a decline in quality of your health very quickly (trust me) and thus your work, and so one thing I have to adhere to is- I have to do things that tether me to the world, to tangible things.

This might look very different according to your tastes; but the bottom line is, you have to do things that tie you to something real and existent in your world, else you start scratching the sides of your enclosure and nobody's happy! Especially in our schooling nowadays that is almost entirely conducted via projectors and computer screens, you need things that are far away from mortal ambition and are just little things to scratch the itch of your brain.

For me, the things that tie me down are a huge grab-bag of different things because I have a million interests that I cycle through throughout the eras of my life. That thing for me right now is keeping a journal that I write in every day, even if it's a single sentence. Another thing is reading physical books, which when I really, really need to read I tend to put my phone on the other side of the room and listen to one of those library ambience videos so my brain has a bottom line of action going on to keep me engaged. But probably the thing that fulfills this part of my brain most when I'm busiest is cooking. I got very, very into cooking about four years ago as a way to bond with my brother, so for me it's filled with many good memories, but it's also a very tangible way for me to care for myself, to be able to go through the motions of something I know that will result in something good. Feeding just yourself is also sometimes hard to justify when you are busiest and most empty-feeling, so I would counsel you that even the act of going to get food with someone is something that always makes me feel more alive, more here, so I hope you can act on that whenever you need it too.

(It would be remiss of me to not also mention textile crafts, which are my mother's main way of dealing with her brain goblins, but as I kind of lost my textile abilities big time during the busiest years of my education, I'm not sure how applicable they are! But they are an excellent way to ground yourself also.)

But! Since you specifically asked about inspiration, I want to tackle that. I wouldn't say that there's any one good way to be able to inspire yourself to keep going forwards, and I myself am always failing at this (I am Very Cowardly at heart, let me tell you!) but since I am a writer foremost in my heart, let me go back to that. There's a post that goes around a lot that talks about how each poet has one emotion that they draw on for their body of work, and I think about that a great deal, because I think actually that often changes for a person across their life. For me in this particular iteration of myself in the past few years, I know that the emotion that drives what I create is wonder, and in response to that wonder, gratitude. I mention this because I believe that wonder is what is often missing from our lives once we get used to a place, and we've made a place for ourselves in them.

After getting over the threshold of something being new, we like to settle in, and then the things that used to scare and frighten become normal, and then they become plain and part of the scenery of the life you're living. But from what I can tell, wonder is able to transform the everyday things in our lives from what they are to what they mean, and when we do that we say thank you to those things for existing, for allowing us to be near them and to witness them.

The thing that makes me wonder, more than anything else, is always going to be music, and it's why I will always be counting the seasons of my life by what I listen to. To be able to claw my way through the hard parts of life, I have to decorate that time with something that helps me put some lyrics in my pocket to process all of it, and help it find its way to be enfolded into my life, my memory. More than anything, I think what helps me keep creating is learning to wonder, to be in awe of things as much as I possibly can, to try and create space for that in myself and try to treat it well when I do experience it. There's a trick to it, but once you try to pay attention to the things that make you wonder, they become very clear- walks around my campus while skipping to my music often made me wonder, as does listening to a symphony in person, or when I made my friends laugh all at the same time, or moments when I walked into a room and smiled at somebody, and they smiled in return.

More than anything, when you are going through something harsh, it's my belief that to make something unbearable bearable, you have to find a way to make something in that time that you'll miss. I have a perennial, sometimes unbearable habit of looking for moments of beauty in times that make me miserable, making it so that I miss them even when I was living it I was praying for it to be over, and while I think that goes too far in the wrong direction I still would say that if you try to record the good things about life as you're going through it, even if it's as simple as taking a picture of something you eat that you love, or the sun in the evening, that's what makes life bearable.

Hold onto your friends, they're what makes life survivable, and they make it survivable because they make it meaningful- other people are the biggest source of wonder in the world, plus I absolutely would not have finished my degree had I not had my friends to work with, the powers of parallel play are never to be underestimated. Even if you are only being near someone else who is as confused as you are as to what to do, in my experience that is a huge relief to know that they're at the same level as you. Friends are what make the little stupid pinprick pains of school bearable!

I also had a rule during my year of online school, which while it was an incredibly lonely time was very rarely full of solitude because eeeeveryone was constantly talking to one another, that I would have one hour every night to turn off my computer and my brain and do whatever I wanted. I used to have dance parties at 11PM before I went to bed, twirling and jumping around my room because that was what I needed to do to stay present! And I think that in itself is an incredibly useful tool is surviving something that seems to sap all your strength- make sure you are not ignoring yourself, but give yourself the time as often as you can to let your mind wander, let it dream. Like that one post says, you're your oldest childhood friend, so make sure you're phoning in to say hello!

Beyond all of that, keep your eyes peeled for the evidence that people believe in you, because it's everywhere- even if it's just your friends waving at you, or the cashiers that wish you good day, or the chit chat of people before and after test taking, I do believe we're all cheering for you to do this (and if they're not, I'll fist fight them). I believe in you! And I hope that you can find the force in your heart to be able to believe, too.

Sleep as much as you're able, eat well, make sure the tiger in your brain is kept happy, listen to some tunes and look at streetlights, eat dinner with a pal, and I know you'll get through this, my darling.

Best of luck, and much love <3

[diabolicjoy]

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[fluffallamaful]

it’s going to be so weird seeing settings irl that i’ve written about so many times.

like i’m going to see the couch? the living room? the window that the run’s afternoon rays can seep through?

like seeing the chair was so surreal. i’ve written about dream getting tickled in a chair so many times and THERE IT IS. like fyzgzhshs. it’s easy to forget how much irl stuff that i write is purely pulled from my brain. like dreams reactions and his smile are all conjured in my mind and soon i’m going to be able to see it i’m going nuts i’m going to cry /pos /hj

also fCgzhs i stg if he is as beautiful as gogy. i will scream. i cannot handle being hyper fixated on too beautiful beings. i just cannot. and dreams personally already makes him to prettiest person alive but if he is ACTUALLy like objectively attractive as well i will flip my shat.