#*excluding sequels who's first movie is from before I was born

[foxqueen-katarian]

My Life In Movies: The Guardian 1990 6.5/10

So I said a few months ago that I was going to undertake the arduous task of watching every movie released since my birth*, and this will be the first installment of my recording my thoughts about each film. So, right out the gate the first movie is Universal Pictures' Horror/Drama The Guardian, Directed by William Friedkin, Produced by Joe Wizan, and Written by Stephen Volk, Dan Greenburg, and William Friedkin. It stars Carey Lowell, Dwier Brown, and Jenny Seagrove. It grossed $16.1M and has a Rotten Tomatoes score of 25% (Audience Score of 32%). I don't have high hopes that I'm going to like this, Horror is not my genre and while the synopsis makes it sound like a solid concept I don't trust it's going to translate.

Oh boy was this movie interesting. As a reminder this movie can out in early 1990, so special effects, were limited to what could be done practically. There are a few quick cuts that are laughable by today's standards, but for the era it was made it's pretty solid. Overall I think it was an acceptable film, I would say there's not much (to me) that translates as 'horror'. There are two 'chase' scenes, and the final fifteen minutes of the movie that lean into the genre but don't fully commit to it. It was a much more enjoyable watch than I was expecting. I will say I spent the entire movie waiting for the moment where I was supposed to see the villain as the villain, and it never quite got there, which may be more indicative of my feeling about having children and how I'd actually probably be okay with it if a hot British druid showed up and took my baby away to sacrifice them to a tree, than the actually writing. True to concept: 4/5 - It stayed true to the overall concept, without any weird twists coming out of left field. Enjoyability: 4/5 - It was fun, very kitsch, it's not a movie everyone is going to enjoy but I had fun with it.

Rewatchability: 2/5 - I'm not going to go out of my way to rewatch it and unless someone else actively did want to watch it I'd probably skip it.

Cinematography: 3/5 - There's some weird cuts, and some interesting decisions made for how some scenes were filmed (there are at least two scenes from an infants POV shot with a fish bowl lens).

Overall: 6.5/10

[stormcooper99]

My Top 5 Characters I Want to See in The Batman 2 or 3

Recently Matt Reeves has confirmed that we’ll be getting a sequel to The Batman starring Robert Pattinson returning to play the main role. I myself am excited about this, I love the movie so much! Next to Tim Burton’s 1989 film, Reeves’s 2022 adaption is quite possibly my new favourite version of the Batman.

 Now there’s one question that everyone’s been wondering, what’s next for Reeves’s Batman and which rogues gallery members will he face in the sequel?

 So here are my top five characters I want to see in the Batman 2 or 3. (Note: I’m excluding already previous shown characters such as Penguin, Riddler, Catwoman and Joker).

  5.  Two Face

 Following the ending of the film, Gotham’s main corrupt figures the mayor, police commissioner, DA and Carmine Falcone have all been killed by Riddler. With the new honest Mayor Bella Real things are likely to get better in the foreseeable future. However, there will also likely be a power struggle and a rise of crime.

 This would be the prefect to introduce Gotham to it’s newest DA Harvey Dent. I’m not sure if the relationship between Bruce and Harvey will be the same as in the comics or other films, but his role in aiding Batman could help further develop Pattinson’s character.

 Now I don’t think he should start off as Two Face in the second film, but perhaps near the end of the second one his initial “accident” takes place and continues off into the third film with Harvey becoming Two Face. Having Harvey start as an ally to Batman and end with him as his nemesis.

4.  Killer Croc

 Reeves version of Batman takes a more grounded and realistic take on the more fantasy-based characters. Which makes things slightly limited when comes to introducing Batman’s other rouges. But that’s not to say it can’t be done.

 Killer Croc is one character who could work well and here’s why. We know Croc is man born with a mutation that gives him the scaly appearance of a crocodile. I’ve looked it up and there is in fact a real skin condition where someone can grow scales called Ichthyosis.

 Perhaps this version of the character could be someone who suffers from an extreme case of Ichthyosis. Not to mention now that Gotham City is flooded, it would make sense in a way, it’d be a good time for him to surface. Like a crocodile in water, get it?

3.  Mad Hatter

 If someone like Matt Reeves can make the Riddler terrifying, imagine what he can do with the Mad Hatter. Being one of the lesser-known Batman villains Reeves could probably reintroduce this character to the big screen in a new unique way.

 For those who aren’t familiar with him, the Mad Hatter is a man who believes himself to be the fictional character of the same name from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. This concept alone could work well perfectly for a possible sequel appearance.

 An example being that Mad Hatter could be a serial predator who kidnaps young girls “Alices” and forces them to take part in his twisted tea parties. With Batman having to do detective work solving clues related to Lewis Carroll’s works in order to find him.

 2.   Scarecrow

 Apart from the Dark Knight trilogy, Scarecrow hasn’t been given much screen time as a main villain in any Batman related media. The horror aspect of the first film could follow on well into the two sequels. Especially if Scarecrow the master of fear were to be introduced.

 In The Batman, there is a drug epidemic going on in Gotham called Drops. These eyedrop based drugs were disturbed previously by Salvatore Maroni before Falcone took over prior the events of the film. With Falcone gone it could usher in Scarecrow with his own fear inducing drugs.

 At the end of the first film, Batman learns to be a symbol of hope and not fear. This would be a good chance to have Batman face someone who uses fear and challenge his new hope symbolism. Not to mention Batman being caught in a Freddy Kreuger style nightmare drug hallucination scene would really be cool.

1.      Mr Freeze

 The most likely villain to appear in The Batman 2 (from what we’ve heard so far) is Mr Freeze. Now I’m not sure how they’re going to do Mr Freeze in a realistic grounded way, but Matt Reeves seems sure he can find a way to portray this character to work in the sequel.

 Mr Freeze is a very tragic character, he tries to save his wife Nora from dying from a terminal illness by committing crime. If you haven’t seen Hearts of Ice from Batman, The Animated Series I suggest watching it and you’ll see what I mean.

 Reeves’s Batman focuses on the tragedy based around the characters and how it can effect a person. Having Batman facing Freeze be a great way to establish character development for both of them. A live action version of Hearts of Ice is definitely something I would love to see.

So that’s my top five characters I want to see in the Batman 2 or 3. Let me know what’re yours and why?

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Terminator: Original Timeline

The first Terminator movie implies that the space time continuum is a closed loop, that all time travelers were always supposed to be there, that you cannot change the future, only cause it to happen as it always did.  Kyle Reese was always supposed to go back in time to save Sarah and father John, Skynet was always supposed to send back a Terminator that Sarah destroys so that Cyberdyne can find the remains and reverse engineer it, ensuring Skynet’s creation.

Terminator 2, though one of the best sequels of all time, disregards these established rules and decides that you CAN change the timeline, with Sarah and John taking action to either stop or postpone Judgement Day, depending on which sequels you consider canon.  In order for the events of the future as depicted in Terminator 1 to exist, Terminator 2 cannot happen, so I have a hypothesis that Terminator 2 is actually an alternate timeline, created by the inclusion of deleted scenes from the first movie.

In a deleted scene of Terminator 1, Sarah looks in the phone book and finds the address of Cyberdyne systems, suggesting to Kyle that they blow it up then and there and prevent Skynet from ever existing.  This scene was excluded from the final cut of the movie, so its canonicity is debatable; I believe it is canon to Terminator 2, but not the final cut of Terminator 1.

If Sarah plans to destroy Cyberdyne from the beginning, then that leads to the events of T2, where she is eventually arrested for trying to blow up a computer factory, as John puts it.  Because she ends up in a psychiatric hospital, John enters the foster care system and the events of T2 play out as seen.

If the deleted scene in T1 never occurs, Sarah never gets the idea to blow up Cyberdyne, and so is never arrested; she and John live off the grid, and she prepares him for Judgement Day, presumably as originally intended.  She always met Kyle Reese, who always fathered John, and Cyberdyne always found the smashed remains of the T-800, but in this original timeline Sarah never tries to stop it, and the events play out as Kyle said they should.  She trains John until he is 12, then they go into hiding as the bombs fall, presumably in Mexico with Enrique Salceda and his family.

August 29, 1997, Judgement Day.  3 billion people die in the nuclear fire.  John is 12 years old, Sarah is in her early 30s.  Skynet hasn’t developed Hunter-Killers yet, but they will soon; Terminators are still a long ways away, so for the first decade or so, people just try to rebuild from the nuclear ashes, occasionally bombed by unmanned drones while Skynet begins building its infantry.  Skynet was an American defense system, so the rest of the world would have no idea what happened or where the killer robots came from.  We never see what happens in, say, Russia or China after Judgement Day; every movie so far has been explicitly set in the United States, with tattered American flags flying in the background or on shoulder patches of the resistance members.

There’s a 32 year span between Judgement Day and the future war depicted in T1 and T2, so John presumably begins leading the resistance in the late 2000s or early 2010s.  Sarah has died long before that, and Kyle was ostensibly born in the early 2000s (his age is never stated except in questionably canonical sequels like Genisys).  The timeline plays out as intended, with humans gaining the upper hand in the 2020s, and smashing Synet’s defense grid (presumably in the Cheyenne Mountain Complex bunker) in 2029.  In a last ditch attempt to win the war, Skynet sends a Terminator back in time to 1984; all they know is that John’s mother is named Sarah, and she used to live in Los Angeles, so the resistance is able to head them off and send one of their own to protect her.  Kyle Reese volunteers (I like to think John didn’t go out of his way to groom him to be his mother’s savior, sacrificing him like cattle; I like to think Kyle chose to go back on his own volition without John ordering him to), and the cycle begins all over again.

The deleted scene is the kicker; if included, Sarah takes initiative and disrupts the original timeline, eventually destroying Skynet and stopping Judgement Day (I stand by the fact that she prevented Judgement Day, full stop. “Rise of the Machines” never happens, “Dark Fate” never happens, it’s just T1 and T2, then happily ever after because she’s been through a lot and deserves to just relax for once).

[twilightofthe]

For the Star Wars questions- 16 & 19. :)

Thank you!!! (y’all this got ridiculously long for two damn questions lol)

Send me a number and i’ll tell u my fave/least fave:

16. Book/Comic (Aight, so I’m actually not a huge comic reader in general, most of my comic knowledge comes from other fans on here posting about them, so this is gonna be mainly book-focused)

FAVE:  Welllllll, since I’m literally incapable of narrowing down my favorite anythings, I’m gonna do faves for both canon and EU novels.  

Canon-wise, it’s a tie beween A New Dawn and Ahsoka.  I know I don’t post about them as much on here, but I truly have a super soft spot for Kanera and Kanan and Hera’s characters, they’re just so GOOD and I love themmmmm aaaaaaaaa.  You get super good insights to how Kanan was running wild and traumatized and trying to repress everything and how Hera was a little naïve but still tough as nails and she had a dream and she was going to make it happen or so help her, ugh I just love how the story showed how they’re strongest as a team working together and I just love character dynamics where the two are so obviously married and kinda snark at each other sometimes but they have each other’s backs through everything and know each other like the back of their hands and uggghhhh this is just such a healthy good ship and such a good book.  The Ahsoka novel is just fantastic all on its own because it shows Ahsoka as a young adult, kinda floundering and lost in this new world, full of guilt over what happened with Anakin and the Order, trying to do what she can to help people and just enduring because she’s a survivor, she was raised (by two argumentative, adoptive parents who love her very much SO SAYETH THE BOOK) to be a survivor and handle herself, but that doesn’t mean she’s not lonely as all hell.  And oof I just fucking adore Kaeden Larte and her relationship with Ahsoka (who absolutely comes back and marries her once the war is over oh yes) and her relationship with Miara and ugh just all of it is A+++++.  E.K. Johnston is just an amazing author in general and her other book, Queen’s Shadow is one of my two canon runner ups because I am in love with her Sabé and her Padmé.  Other canon runner up is A Certain Point Of View, if only for the “Time of Death” chapter.  Don’t get me wrong, the rest of it is also fantastic, but oh god it kills me DEAD OBI WAN DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER AND I CRY I REALLY CRY

EU-wise (oh god, I haven’t even gotten to least-faves yet), it has to be the Revenge of the Sith novelization.  Without a question.  Y’all it’s SO FUCKIN’ good, and in my personal opinion should be considerrred canonnnnnn (look I think the reason they gave for excluding it is that there’s no mention of Ahsoka or Rex or Mandalore or any of the stuff that happened literally the day before which is valid, but I counterpoint that Anakin is a mess with A Lot Going On At The Moment, he could have just forgot?  He forgets most of his morals, all of his common sense, and three of his limbs by the end of the story, Snips could have just slipped his mind! xD).  Anyway, besides the fact that it’s like 99% written in Obikin-colored glasses which really just makes me happy as a person because I love it being acknowledged just how important they are to each other, it really offers a deeper insight INSIDE the chaos going on in Anakin’s head, the mess, just why he falls so quickly and so awfully.  I love it gives the Padmé plot that got cut on screen some validity.  The beautiful beginning and the goddam introductions to Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi are just A++++++++++++++ and oof other people can more accurately describe just how good this book is, but I love it a Big Lot ok?

LEAST FAVE:  Okey doke, here we go....  So firstly for canon, I’m not the biggest fan of how Claudia Grey writes Leia’s character.  She’s a wonderful storyteller and I love her worldbuilding, but just the way she characterizes Leia herself never felt... right, ya know?  Idk, I can’t really explain it, but it makes it difficult for me to enjoy her Leia novelsWarning right now that this is a VERY unpopular opinion and my opinion alone, please do not yell at me!  So as skilled and admired an author Timothy Zahn is, I don’t like the Thrawn books.  I’m sorry, I don’t.  To me, Thrawn is just.... ok so he’s like BBC!Sherlock but in space.  The plot makes a big deal about how “oooh cool and intelligent and Literally Better Than Everyone Else” Thrawn is, but the only way they really show his “cleverness” is by either him solving problems by pulling together information that literally no one but the writer knows and then acting like it was oh so obvious and in front of everyone OR, the story dumbs down other characters to make him look smart.  And maybe it was because the one Thrawn book goes after Anakin/Vader in particular to do the latter is what kinda ticked me off on Thrawn books in general, but y’all, it really ticked me off, because Anakin is like the lowest hanging fruit for an author to pick to make their character look good in comparison, and therefore it is done All The Time (LOOKING AT YOU, CLONE WARS), which I think is lazy and an insult to Anakin’s character.  Look, I am fully aware Anakin Skywalker is a dolt to the highest degree sometimes, but he is ALSO A GENIUS.  He is SMART.  IT IS CANON THAT HE IS SMART.  So when the Thrawn book has Thrawn constantly one-upping Anakin The Useless Doofus (and Padmé a bit!!!) and then doing it again once he meets him as Vader, that just makes me hmmmm.

The canon comics are actually gonna be featured on the list here a bit because if y’all don’t already know my hatred for That One Particular Vader Comic (not the rest of the series run as I have not read it and from what I hear, it’s excellent and I’d probs like it a lot) doing the implication in a dream sequence where it says that Palpatine used the Dark Side to impregnate Shmi and create Anakin, well I HATE IT.  Look, I know the plot was literally about Sidious trying to mess with Vader’s head and that dream shouldn’t be trusted, but it fooled all the fans too and now like 60% of Star Wars fans actually believe Sidious fathered Anakin and I am so damn tired of hearing about that.  Yeah, now that Reylo is canon, that comic’s authors are trying to do damage control by saying that no, Sidious isn’t Anakin’s father and Rey and Ben are not second cousins, but they’re still being mysterious about it and “oh well it COULD be this--” so now there’s just more fans who are digging into that theory just because they don’t like Reylo and I don’t really care for the ship either but I really HATE the entire “Born of the Dark” concept for reasons I can explain more separately, so I’m pissy at that particular comic for spawning it.  I know it’s petty but I do.

EU-wise, well, this is gonna be unpopular too, cuz I haven’t read most of the EU stuff, and from what I’ve heard of it, there doesn’t seem to be much that I WOULD like.  The movie novelizations all seem good, but everything else???  “Obi Wan prequels but guess what, he had a shitty childhood too!” uh, no thanks, the rest of his life sucks enough, I want to see him happy.  “Mandalorian worldbuilding, but they’re all a bunch of stoic, overpowered badasses who are Good At Everything And Better Than Literally Everyone and the plot bashes the Jedi left right and center!” ehhhhhhhh pass.  “What happened after Return of the Jedi, except the Skywalkers still don’t get a happy ending because the galaxy goes to war again, Han and Leia’s son turns evil, Luke Suffers, and Palpatine comes back again!” nah, that sounds too depressing-- oh wAIT :) :) :)(at least the EU actually lets Han and Leia grow old and happy together okay okay that’s enough sequel salt for one day)

19. Outfit

FAVE:  Everything Padmé Amidala wears in the movies.  No I will not narrow it down.  I am in love with her whole wardrobe and I want it. 

 I also love the standard Jedi tunics and tabards and cloak (c’mon, the cloak completes the picture!)  It’s just such a signature and unique look that’s supposed to combine medieval European knight tunics and samurai warrior clothing and just the #aesthetic is oof, just wonderful.

Also Sabine Wren’s armor and its various paint jobs.  It’s just so uniquely her and bright and beautiful and badass in all its stages and yes good I like it.

Also Lando Calrissian’s cloaks!  Swooshy and colorful and good!  I love cloaks!  

LEAST FAVE:  Gonna go with my petty, silly ones first, and those are all of Padmé Amidala’s outfits that are only seen in the The Clone Wars TV show (so not the ones that were based off of movie costumes).  Eh, actually three of them were nice, her orange outfit she visits Mina in, her white casual housedress, and her black slinky Clovis dress.  All of her other series-only outfits made me highkey pissy because they were either A.) Wrong for the situation she was in, B.) Defied the laws of physics and should not have held the shape they did/stayed on her body, or C.) just plain UGLY (the highest crime of all), and for the animators to have the audACITY to put any of those things in the mere vicinity of the most stylish woman in the galaxy is an insult to Padmé, an insult to ME, and an insult to Star Wars as a whole (yes, I am mostly joking, but come on!).  No, I will not give the designers the excuse of clothing being difficult and expensive and time consuming to animate because I have SEEN the fancy, PRETTY outfits of the other ladies of Padmé’s status on the show.  Everything Satine Kryze wore was intricately beautiful as all hell and I loved it.  Riyo Chuchi’s two outfits were lovely and fashionable.  Heck, I’m pretty sure I liked Mina Bonteri’s outfit too.  There were tons of people on that show with stylish clothing!  How hard would it have been for the animators to remember Padmé doesn’t wear exposed midriffs on official government business?  That dresses with no sides or back cannot be sleeveless or they will not stay up?  Not give her hairstyles that looked like either a goddam tuning fork or like Jimmy Neutron’s mother?  That beige jumpsuits are BORING and adding a mauve vest is NOT enough to make it exciting!!!! xD xD xD 

Aight, now in more seriousness, I also hated both of Ahsoka’s outfits in the original TCW show.  Enough people have spoken on why sending a fourteen year old into an active warzone in a tube top and miniskirt is a BAD IDEA, but like it just makes me extra mad when you remember her older and more experienced at Not Getting Pulverized Masters were both in full concealing robes and chest and shoulder and shin armor, so you can’t even pass it off as Jedi not getting hurt as easily.  Her updated outfit was only slightly an improvement because her Masters STILL got at least fully covering robes and arm bracers, while Ahsoka still had her entire back exposed, leg holes exposing valuable arteries and stuff, and a goddam boob window that basically signals “shoot me here”.  Look, I know the animators goofed, and I know how they have learned from it because from Rebels on, they never show her as improperly covered for battle, in the new TCW season both outfits are cute and practical too, but seeing her running around in her red outfits actively impeded and took me out of my watching experience because I was cringing over her having a lack of protection, that it made her that much more vulnerable to injury.

Finally just gotta give a standard raised finger to the Slave Leia Bikini.  Carrie Fisher hated it so I do too.

[aion-rsa]

Why Star Wars Trilogy Editor Marcia Lucas Hates the Sequels

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The divisiveness of the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy remains powerful nearly two years after its conclusion. Yet, as topically wide-ranging—and, in some cases, strangely political—as debates over the Disney-dealt follow-ups to the sacred Original Trilogy became, the cold-hard metric of box office grosses confirms their status as Star Wars’ least-lucrative mainline movies (excluding the anemic Solo). Now, the camp of sequel detractors has apparently gained a surprisingly authoritative ally in film editor Marcia Lucas, who, besides being the ex-wife of George Lucas, was a crucially grounding visionary in the franchise’s formation.   

One of Star Wars’ early guiding forces, Marcia Lucas (born Marcia Lou Griffin), has offered some scathing criticism of Sequel Trilogy films The Force Awakens (2015), The Last Jedi (2017) and The Rise of Skywalker (2019), rife with the kind of adjectives that don’t beat around the bush. The stinging words stem from Howard Kazanjian: A Producer’s Life by J.W. Rinzler, a recently-released biography on the legendary, Lucas-collaborating film producer. In the book’s foreword, Marcia delivers a devastating rebuke (via Inverse,) of the franchise’s most recent films and their stewardship under veteran producer Kathleen Kennedy—albeit with the rhetorical analgesic of a complimentary preamble.

“I like Kathleen. I always liked her. She was full of beans. She was really smart and really bright. Really wonderful woman. And I liked her husband, Frank. I liked them a lot,” says Lucas. “Now that she’s running Lucasfilm and making movies, it seems to me that Kathy Kennedy and J.J. Abrams don’t have a clue about Star Wars. They don’t get it. And J.J. Abrams is writing these stories—when I saw that movie where they kill Han Solo, I was furious. I was furious when they killed Han Solo. Absolutely, positively there was no rhyme or reason to it. I thought, ‘You don’t get the Jedi story. You don’t get the magic of Star Wars.’”

Interestingly, Marcia Lucas’s role behind the scenes of the original Star Wars Trilogy—and the George-penned, Steven Spielberg-directed Raiders of the Lost Ark—as an editor and informal story consultant has only recently started to become widely known from a handful of tell-all books and behind-the-scenes television specials. However, it does seem clear in hindsight that the world-altering pop culture groundswell that was 1977’s original Star Wars was a gestalt effort that saw George’s early, allegedly-vague Flash Gordon-esque serial sci-fi designs refined by personnel such as producer Gary Kurtz and, most notably, Marcia. Indeed, as alleged, Marcia—as his wife—primarily possessed the clout to criticize George’s wilder, unfeasible ideas and constructively refine them in a way that bore pathos on the screen; the Apollo to his Dionysus, if you will.

Lucasfilm

However, the acrimony in their marriage metastasized beneath a public façade in 1982 during production of the trilogy closer eventually titled Return of the Jedi. In hindsight, this arguably affected the flow of the film, which is widely believed (an admittedly anecdotal qualification,) to be the weakest and most out-there entry of those first three films. Unfortunately, the chemistry that conjured some of the most beloved and influential movies of all time unceremoniously dissipated upon their divorce and professional split, which was announced shortly after Jedi’s 1983 release. In fact, a frequently-cited reason for the also-divisive direction of George’s eventual tenure on the 1999-2005 Prequel Trilogy was that their production occurred against an untenably hierarchical situation, in which George bore unchecked power as director, writer and studio bigwig. Indeed, notwithstanding today’s newfound nostalgic love conveyed to the prequels, conventional critiques frequently point to convoluted plots, generally dry performances and artificial green screen aesthetics—aspects that conceivably could have been neutralized and/or salvaged by the splicing and advice of Marcia.  

Contextually, Marcia’s Star Wars excoriation, is being made nearly a decade in the aftermath of Disney’s 2012’s acquisition of Lucasfilm (and the Star Wars franchise as a whole) in a $4 billion deal that notably saw George capitulate any control he had over the franchise, business-wise and creatively. So, this is hardly a case of decades-preserved sour grapes being spewed onto an ex-spouse. Rather, it can be perceived as the case of the franchise’s de facto mother watching from afar as her child makes what she believes are terrible choices. In fact, she doesn’t mince words when addressing the elephant in the Sequel Trilogy room, Daisy Ridley’s Rey. While her status as the trilogy’s clear protagonist meant that she was destined to become a powerful figure, even proponents of the films have to admit that Rey’s rise was, in the very least, unnaturally quick, going from solitude as a scrap salvager on desert remote planet Jakku to besting the powerful scourge of the galaxy at his own game—something that took Luke Skywalker three films to achieve.

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Regarding Rey, she sounds off, “And they think it’s important to appeal to a woman’s audience, so now their main character is this female, who’s supposed to have Jedi powers, but we don’t know how she got Jedi powers, or who she is.” Marcia’s criticism is obviously destined to be met with opposition from the segment of the fandom that connected with Rey in a meaningful way. Yet, it is worth noting that Rey, by the end of 2015 sequel opener The Force Awakens, showcases an inexplicable preternatural ability in the ways of the Jedi, notably in the film’s climax, in which she—without any lessons whatsoever—picks up a lightsaber for the very first time to duel and defeat Adam Driver’s Kylo Ren, who—having been depicted as skilled and powerful throughout the film—had been trained in the Jedi arts throughout his entire life before his Dark Side turn. In conjunction with that, the scenes on the Millennium Falcon in which she is giving Han Solo advice on how to repair the ship has also facilitated claims of her being a “Mary Sue,” which refers to a know-it-all character without any substantive flaws, who is often a vicarious manifestation of the author.

However, the Sequel Trilogy initially seemed destined to laugh its way to the bank with the J.J. Abrams written/directed The Force Awakens going on to gross $2 billion worldwide, having tapped the well of nostalgia hard—so hard, in fact, that film’s structure arguably renders it a remake of the original Star Wars, a.k.a.  A New Hope. Yet, as one could expect from a sequel that’s 32 years in the making, the movie manifested as a passing of the protagonist baton from returning heroes like Harrison Ford’s Han Solo, Carrie Fisher’s Princess Leia, Chewbacca, C-3PO and R2-D2 to a trio of new heroes in Daisy Ridley’s would-be Jedi Rey, John Boyega’s side-jumping former Stormtrooper Finn and Oscar Isaac’s heroic-but-cocky pilot Poe Dameron, along with a rounder-built droid in BB-8.

However, the trilogy’s follow-up films would suffer from storytelling that went in disparate directions, first with 2017’s The Last Jedi, which saw writer/director Rian Johnson make bold, but controversial changes in tone and plot developments, specifically regarding Rey, who, in that film, seemingly had her Chosen One status revoked when she learned her parents where just ordinary people. Tellingly, that film yielded a box office decline, which saw it gross $1.3 million worldwide. Consequently, upon the abrupt removal of the third film’s appointed visionary, Colin Trevorrow, Disney brought Abrams back for 2019’s The Rise of Skywalker, which retroactively rescinded those developments in lieu of a hastily-concocted climax that revealed Rey to be the granddaughter of a clone-resurrected Emperor Palpatine, who had been hiding behind the scene manipulating events the whole time. Additionally, she was given a pedantic, quasi-romantic connection to Kylo Ren as part of a “Dyad” of the Force. The result was a final box office whimper of $1 billion, cementing a steady decline that led to much soul-searching over at Disney.

“It sucks. The storylines are terrible. Just terrible. Awful. You can quote me��J.J. Abrams, Kathy Kennedy—talk to me,” says Marcia with an emphatic stamp. Yet, whatever one might think of the Sequel Trilogy, Rey or even Daisy Ridley’s performance, the bizarre malleability of her arc certainly boosts the point Marcia conveys about the weakness of her backstory. Indeed, the accelerated skills of a protagonist across multiple films (akin to Luke’s unexplained upgrade between The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi,) can be a forgivable offense if said skills drive the story forward. However, in Rey’s case, it seems to be an example of a character being driven by what’s expedient to the story.  

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For now, though, the Star Wars franchise is taking a break from the big screen as the recent success of live-action Disney+ television series The Mandalorian will soon yield subsequent offerings like The Book of Boba Fett (which will arrive in time for Christmas), Obi-Wan Kenobi and Andor. However, a monumental comeback is set for the far horizon when the Patty Jenkins-directed Star Wars: Rogue Squadron eventually hits theaters, the first of more films on the docket.  

The post Why Star Wars Trilogy Editor Marcia Lucas Hates the Sequels appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2XAAucF

[w0uldyoubemine]

My Asylum 18

Okay folks so here I’m going to attempt to write up my weekend at Asylum 18 in Blackpool. For those about to read, I salute you. Imma try and keep it to the highlights but bear with it’s gonna be a big post.

Four hour drive up on Friday morn and then a lot of waiting around after finally meeting the awesome @teamfreewill-imagine. Got registered around 2.30pm then waited for Jamie to come out of the pre-orders queue (I didn’t even attempt joining it was loooong). Queued for the autograph room as they decided to do some that evening.  Head in and make a beeline for Briana who is stunning and just fucking lovely. I won’t tell Jamie’s story for her so check out her blog for more. My turn and I tell her “I bloody love you” and she grins and says she loves me too. Bless her for signing her character underneath her name before I could say I loved her.... I think she was worried people wouldn’t know who she was. 

Off to Osric (I don’t remember the exact order we went in but sure I’ll say this next. He sent me a snapchat a while back in response to one I sent about being at the GOTG Vol 2 premiere and I brought it up leading the three of us into a Marvel sequels debate. I said I thought it broke the sequels curse (Thor 2 excluded), he disagreed but we all agreed on the Wolveerine origin story at the same time then he said Spiderman 2 with Tobey Maguire and I said it was terrible where he sat back in his chair and was appalled which just made me laugh. We argued a touch then I said “But I still love you, though” and he says “And I still love TOBEY” to which I just laughed more as he did and said “My poor little frozen heart.” Not sure why that was my response but sure.

Went to Kim Rhodes who said “I fucking love your shirt” - it was the Wayward AF Creation Stands one - and I said “Well I fucking love you” to which she had the most gorgeous grin and said it back. Mark Pellegrino was pretty chuffed that him liking my tweets managed to persuade me to come to con.

Friday evening - all of my inclusive autographs already done and fish and chips back at the hotel. Winner. Saturday morning we head in and head to the pre-orders queue... which is not open yet as so many still need to register. I go to the stewards meeting instead and agree to volunteer in the panels hall for the day and run the mic.

Have a hilarious day of running the mic, chatting with other fans and even getting to ask my own questions when there was no one in the queue and also at the beginning of Misha’s panel.

Got to ask Kim and Briana a question in the first panel - I asked if their characters could appear in any other film or tv show what would they appear in and what would they get up to - Briana said she’d loved to see Donna in Game of Thrones and she and Kim joked about her trying to clear fire hydrens for dragons. Kim said she’d like to see Jodi on The Walking Dead kicking ass.

A fan forgot her question in the queue so asked me for one and I told her to ask Adam and David if the boot had been on the other foot would Mick have killed Ketch and how would it have gone down.

Asked Misha the same question about different film or tv show but after I said hello he mimicked me then did his British accent and laughed about how people said he accent was terible. He said it was niche and that it was someone born in Southern England that had spent ten years in Leeds and then a year in Australia so actually it was spot on we just didn’t get it. He then said he’d love to see Castiel in Debbie loves Dallas.

Another fan forgot a question for Mark P and Alaina so I suggested they ask who would they possess and Mark said Trump, Alaina said Mark Sheppard.

Mark Sheppard broke all the panel rules and went walk about which was brilliant. I have dubbed him ‘the savage wanderer’ and he was absolutely hilarious. Standing with the people waiting to ask questions was funny too as he kept coming down to intimidate them and getting really close to them. On around the fourth time around he looked at me and went “You still here?” To which I just laughed and said “Looks like it.” 

The Hillywood Show - I didn’t know much about them but really enjoyed their panel and had a great laugh dancing with fans at the back of the hall waiting for them to come on. Asked them if they had any show or movie they were too protective of and loved too much to want to cover or do a parody of it and they said no.

Day 2 done and still have all my photo ops and two more autos to go.

Sunday another early start and a big day ahead. Decided not to steward in the morning as the likelihood of being free to help was pretty slim and this turned out to be a good call. My group was called for the Misha photos pretty early so I went there pretty much straight away. It was hectic as they had so many to get through so it was get in, get out but he said hello and smiled, I thanked him for coming, he thanked me too then we had our picture and he took my hand and squeezed it as I left. Now I should preface this with I hate pictures of me taken by other people. I rarely like pictures I take myself, to be honest. But I am beyond thrilled with the picture of us both and so relieved I love it. So chuffed!

I had a little while in the panel room then Misha autos were called so I took the card I had put together with the messages from all the donors of my fundraiser with me. When I went in they were actually doing Mark Sheppard’s autos too and the line was shorter so I went there first but got told to go to the front because I was volunteering, I didn’t really want to but since the line was so long for Misha and I was worried about giving him the card I did and Mark grinned at me saying I was being sly sliding in. He called me sweetheart, said thank you when I said he was awesome and signed my poster.

Went over to Misha and joined the queue. I could’ve skipped but I don’t like to and I was nervous as fuck to give him the card. Finally got to the front and he looked up and smiled and said hi, I said hello and gave him the card, he asked what it was and I said I’d raised over $2000 for Random Acts this year to which he did my favourite shocked face and sat back a little to look at me. I said that a few of the donors wanted to share messages to thank him for inspiring them and I did too. He put the card to one side and held out his hand which I took and thought he wanted to shake it but he held on then said “Thank you so much, it means a lot” and I said something along the lines of “No thank you for inspiring us, you help more than you know.” He squeezed my hand again and thanked me again then I went to go and nearly forgot my poster so he pulled it along for me and I said “I’d better take this” and he grinned, winked and I left.

Got back in time for the end of The Hillywood Show panel and got to watch Mark S be the wandering savage again. He went from ignoring us and making Adam tell jokes to taking the piss out of fans and eating then to a really heartfelt speech about the SPN family at the end. A rollercoaster of emotions but just awesome from start to finish.

Watched Adam & David’s second panel and asked them a question this time - As there is a British Men of Letters, presumably there is a Canadian branch and an Irish one- would their policies be different and what would they be like? David said the Canadian side would be very polite and Adam said to get into the Irish side you’d have to be the last man standing on a boozy night out. I also mentioned how I’m moving to Vancouver (as I found David’s references funny) and they wished me luck which was sweet and something about ketchup chips? A fan brought the song that David used to have to dance to (Whip It by Devo?) he mentioned in Saturday’s panel and like a true sport he got up and danced for us all which was brilliant (and hilarious).

From there I went for my Misha and Mark S photo op. Walked in said “Thanks love” to the volunteer/crew member and said hello to them both, Misha grins and says “What would you like to do ‘love’?” the accent again hah and I said “I’m happy, do whatever you want with me.” realising the second after it left my mouth what I’d said, both guys grin and give me a look then Mark S says “We’ll take you home then” to which I said “Don’t tempt me” and Misha wrapped his arms around me as Mark put his arm around and it looks like he’s trying to steal me in our op. Thanked them both and got a squeeze from both then left.

Straight to Adam and David’s op which I shared which Jamie and we could not stop laughing. I had such an epic time with her this weekend and we’d never met before nor did we really know each other so I was really lucky to have someone so awesome to hang with for the weekend. We were almost crying with laughter in the queue and couldn’t work out what to do for our op. We then got told no poses which we were relieved about because we couldn’t think of anything despite having had three days to come up with it. We got our photo with the boys who were lovely and the photo is great! We all look like we’re siblings who’ve been shoved together for a family photo- I love it.

Made it back for Kim and Briana’s panel and they were a steward down so I ran mic again for that one and then Misha’s to finish the weekend. 

I will post quotes that I remember separately - I have very few photos but I’ll probably post my ops at some point too.

Thanks to everyone I saw over the weekend, especially Jamie and her friend Laura for being great company and to everyone for being so great when I was stewarding. My first Supernatural convention and I loved every second of it.

[feytale]

What is going on at Walt Disney Pictures? (Nothing good)

Summary: Sean Bailey was a writer producer for ABC Studios that somehow made his way from producing Tron Legacy to becoming the President of Walt Disney Pictures (the division of Disney that does all the live action stuff). When you look at the numbers, Sean Bailey has NEVER made a successful film while at Disney that wasn’t a Disney Remake or Re Imagining. His whole formula for a successful film is getting an A List Actor, throwing the budget at the CGI department, and finding a writer who frankly isn’t very good. For remakes this works fine. You have the story already laid out and proven. For newer films like John Carter of Mars or Nutcracker and the Four Realms, it’s shown to be his downfall. How a man who makes flop after flop yet continues to run a a division of Disney is honestly baffling. Continue reading if you want to hear me talk more in depth about why its troubling. 

Let's talk about Disney's live action original films because I think there's a problem that needs to be addressed. What’s the problem? Unless the movie is an established Disney property, the movie is ALWAYS a flop. Now there's no list that proved my point, so I had to go out and do some research and as I guessed... I was right. Now let's rewind for a second.

For those of you who don't know, Disney has Six Major Studios that each have their own president: Marvel Studios has Kevin Feige, Lucasfilm has Kathleen Kennedy, Disney tv has Gary Marsh, Pixar has Pete Doctor, Disney Animation has Edwin Catmull and Walt Disney Pictures (Live Action) has Sean Bailey. Now all of those men and women have put in their years before they got to where they are... except Sean Bailey.

Now let me list off some important facts: Marvel Studios made over 4 billion dollars in 2018 alone. Star Wars Episode 7, 8 and 9 will be the highest grossing trilogy of all time with an estimated gross of nearly 4.5 billion dollars. Pixar continues to break records with Incredibles 2 and Wreck it Ralph 2. Disney Animation has the highest grossing animated movie of all time with Frozen and has won multiple best animation awards. Disney Tv has the most watched kids show in history with Andi Mack. And Disney Pictures has... flopped with EVERY SINGLE NON DISNEY PROPERTY MOVIE FOR THE LAST EIGHT YEARS.

Now let's go back to 2005 when Disney released the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (I know right? I didn't know Disney made that either). First movie made 745m on a budget of 180m. Great... until Prince Caspian made 419m on a 225m budget. Then the Dawn Treader came out and made 415m on a 155m budget. Some of you might not think thats a big deal, but you have to remember that studios make that total gross. Nearly half of it goes to the theaters and around 50m goes to advertising, so when you look at something like 419m on a 225m budget, its more likely disney made around 200m, meaning they lost money. So... Narnia Franchise is dead. Where to next?

The Pirates of the Caribbean was a powerhouse trilogy followed by two hilariously poorly performing sequels that sparked the series to be remade. Not to point fingers but I’m looking at you Johnny Depp. Another franchise dead and waiting to be rebooted. What next? Well, Disney tried to make new franchises (Spoiler... it didn't work)

Bedtime Stories starring Adam Sandler. Flop. Race to Witch Mountain. Flop. Prince of Persia. The Sorcerer's Apprentice. Tron Legacy. John Carter of Mars. Oz the Great and Powerful. The Lone Ranger. Tomorrowland. Alice Through the Looking Glass. The BFG. A Wrinkle in Time. The Nutcracker and the Four Realms. Flop flop flop flop flop flooooooooop! 

Now, there have been successful films but none of them were franchise starters. Beauty and the Beast? Solo film. Pete's Dragon? Solo. Jungle Book solo* (Rumor is they're making a sequel so...) Maleficent* (Also eventually making a sequel).

So what gives? Why is Disney Pictures utterly incapable of creating their own quality films? Once you exclude Pirates of the Caribbean, they have failed ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of the time in creating a franchise or successful film. Now what happens when you can't create a franchise? You go back to remaking classics. Without the Disney remakes or re imagines, Disney Pictures would be a dead studio.

Look at the next few years of Disney: Mary Poppins, Dumbo, Aladdin, Lion King, Mulan, Maleficent 2, Jungle Book 2, Jungle Cruise, Artemis Fowl. You have a series of remakes of classics and then Disney STILL trying to start a franchise with Artemis Fowl... which is of course going to flop because it looks like every other generic movie they’ve made except just like Nutcracker and Wrinkle in Time, Artemis Fowl doesn’t have an A list actor to save it. 

Let's look at the head of Disney Pictures: Sean Bailey. A nobody film maker who went from working on tv shows to somehow suddenly becoming the president of Walt Disney Pictures. I mean look at his wikipedia page and imdb page. There's nothing there. This dude is running one of Disney's biggest studios and he doesn't even have any information on him. It's honestly baffling how he went from being a nobody to the president of Disney Pictures. There's no reasoning for it. He produced a few films and then somehow became Disney Pictures president.

How could someone like Sean Bailey rise to such a powerful position? Well, it turns out it was his idea to do live-action films of old classics... or so that's the story. You see there's something I also noticed (I want it to be one hundred percent known the following is just assumptions from myself). Sean Bailey wasn't alone. Joe Roth was doing the whole "buy the rights and make the movies" decades before Sean was doing it. And so I looked deeper into it. Joe Roth has had over 3 production companies each with the same goal of buying rights and making movies. He was largely unsuccessful until he was finally brought on by Sean Bailey to make Alice in Wonderland.

Alice in Wonderland was their idea and had it bombed, they'ed likely have been fired. But Alice in Wonderland was an explosive success and so the formula was born. Get an A-List actor. Throw the entire budget at the CGI division. Forget about story telling and the audiences will come... It worked for most of their films and so the duo of Joe and Sean went onto create more and more films following this idea. Oz? Maleficent? Snow White and the Huntsman? Alice 2? All them. The two of them figured out a formula, sold it to Disney, and somehow got lucky enough to be the big dogs off the backs of better men. But they've run out of ideas and all their original films are flops so... back to remaking Disney films.

Once Artemis Fowl flops, which it will, don't expect to ever see another movie from Disney Pictures that isn't based on their properties. The man in charge Sean Bailey can't hire a good writer to save his life and falls back on "ooh cgi so pretty" every single time. He's a joke so bad even Goofy would disapprove and as long as he is in charge, we will NEVER get a good film from a new and original IP. 

~M.B. Torres

[callmehawkeye]

Watched in 2018

The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story (Season 1): I didn’t expect to adore this as much as I did. Everyone knocked their roles out of the park. Crushes for dayyyyys.

The Keepers (2017): A serial documentary about the unsolved murder of Sister Cathy Cesnik and the most-likely possible connection of systematic abuse at the Catholic school she taught at.

Mindhunter (Season 1): Dramatization of the FBI in the late ‘70s as the Behavioral Science Unit developed their profiling and understanding of serial killers.

Roots (1977): I remember watching a bit of this mini-series in middle school and needing a signed permission slip. But that’s the extent of it. Happy I finally got a chance to watch it all the way through.

All the Money in the World (2017): Gorgeous film, noteworthy performances. I’m happy to give my money to a filmmaker who made a decision not many would try. I respect Scott a whole lot more now.

Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey (Season 1): The show’s budget is bananas and I love everything about it. SCIENCE RULES.

Proud Mary (2018): I found the trailer to be rather misleading in that I didn’t exactly get what I paid for. The genre was definitely more drama than action and Taraji was great, although I wished she had more screen time instead of the focus being on tired plot points and themes.

Mary and the Witch’s Flower (2018): More witchy cartoons, please. This was delightful.

Bill Nye Saves the World (Season 1): BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL!

Bill Nye Saves the World (Season 2.1): I can’t believe how good this is. It’s so open-minded and clever and validating.

The Watcher in the Woods (2017): The remake certainly isn’t as good as the original; it strips away too much of the mystery. But please cast Anjelica Huston in more projects, please please please. She’s still so captivating. 

Luke Cage (Season 1): I feel like Mahershala Ali is what mostly held my attention......... And then.........

Lowriders (2016): I had an opinion about this, I’m sure. But I don’t remember this movie at all now.

Human Planet (Mini-Series): BBC docuseries about how people adjust to their natural environments.

 Maria Bamford: The Special Special Special (2014): Maria’s slow return to standup by performing in her parents’ living room.

Los Angeles Plays Itself (2003): In-depth documentary of Los Angeles’ place in film history.

Maria Bamford: Old Baby (2017): Maria’s latest standup special that begins in front of the mirror, progresses to a small backyard crowd, and evolves to a full theater set.

Black Panther (2018): WAKANDA FOREVER!!! This better get some recognition come awards season for the visuals.

Chris Rock: Tamborine (2018): Some of his jokes fall flat, but he’s still engaging and it’s good to see Rock on stage again.

Queer Eye (Season 1): I have done nothing good enough in my life to deserve the wholesome goodness of this show.

Annihilation (2018): It’s not perfect, but not deserving of the backlash it got from its own studio. This was a perfect, immersive sci-fi thriller on par for me as the likes of Alien.

The Killing of America (1981): The brutal, graphic documenting of America’s violence problem in a condensed timeframe starting with the JFK assassination and ending on the murder of John Lennon.

A Wrinkle in Time (2018): There are many intricacies from the novel that I disagree with being excluded from this film adaptation. HOWEVER. It made me feel all the same feelings I did from when I first read the book as a child. I ADORED it.

Pacific Rim Uprising (2018): Okay. Buckle in. I have a lot of feelings to the point where I’m updating my film list of the year immediately afterwards and not waiting to stack up a good amount of viewings to justify an update. It was horrible. Third time in my life I ever walked out of a theater. Second time I’ve ever asked for a refund from a movie theater in my life. I don’t know why I’m so righteously disappointed. I didn’t expect it to have Guillermo’s direction nor heart; but it so thoroughly missed the mark I can already say in mid-March that it’s my biggest disappointment of the year. It was void of any charm the original had, took its faults that I recognized and viewed and magnified it by a trillion. It felt like an unfinished television pilot. DIAF.

Ready Player One (2018): Spielberg tried his best to make a better version of the novel, but it just felt soulless.

A Quiet Place (2018): One of the better horror movies I’ve seen in some time. I’m so proud of John Krasinski.

Love, Simon (2018): This was such a solid romantic comedy, I can’t even find a way to summarize it.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (Season 2): The best original series Netflix has. Don’t @ me.

The Family I Had (2017): The true recounting of a mother whose 13 year old son killed his 3 year old sister.

Genie: Secret of the Wild Child (1997): Documentary of the alias-named child Genie who was isolated and uncared for, for 13 years by her parents.

Rampage (2018): Delightfully stupid, but made me realize I can never go to an IMAX screening again because it was just like having someone shriek in my ear for two hours.

Isle of Dogs (2018): So beautiful, sweet, and heart-warming. 

Welcome to Leith (2015): Unenlightened hypocrisy at its finest -- white supremacists try to make a small town their sanctuary only to be aghast no one wants them there.

The Avengers: Infinity War (2018): In typical Marvel Avengers films fashion (this is a comment excluding the standalone character films -- not Civil War, please, they stole Captain’s movie from him), it’s over-bloated and the good sum of its parts does not a good movie make.

The Americans (Season 1): I’ve forgotten to add this.

The Americans (Season 2): I marathoned everything.

The Americans (Season 3): To make it to the season 6 premiere in time.

The Americans (Season 4): It was great.

The Americans (Season 5): And then season 6 happened.

John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous: The most relatable standup I’ve ever seen and now quote daily.

Billy Nye Saves the World (Season 3): BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL!

Evil Genius (2018): Docu-series about the murder of Brian Wells, also known as the collar bomb case.

Deadpool 2 (2018): It’s not better than the first one, but it was a breath of fresh air in the superhero fatigue I’m in.

Born in China (2017): Nature documentary focusing on some of China’s most famous animals, narrated by my boo John Krasinski.

Death Becomes Her (1992): Ridiculous and good camp.

The Girl Can’t Help It (1956): A fairly good fluff film about the entertainment industry with a solid fucking soundtrack.

Bell, Book, and Candle (1958): My aesthetic.

Near Dark (1987): A refreshingly different vampire movie with Bill Paxton shining in the center of it all.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Season 4): I wish this entire show was just Titus.

Chef’s Table (Season 1): Glorious, glorious food and the methods of the people who make it.

Chef’s Table (Season 2): I can’t get enough of this series. But it just makes me sad none of these restaurants are down the street from me.

Chef’s Table (Season 3): This season includes Jeong Kwan. And I would die for her.

Arrested Development (Season 5): Sigh. I guess this is fine.

Ocean’s 8 (2018): Not my favorite heist movie. Not gay enough. Still a decent sit.

The Staircase (2018): The docu-series returned this year with new episodes. It’s a very back and forth issue for me.

Queer Eye (Season 2): This is the only show that matters anymore.

The Incredibles 2 (2018): Not a bad sequel. Very entertaining and I laughed a lot. Not a lot of the usual Pixar emotion, however.

Carmen Esposito: Rape Jokes (2018): I haven’t had a cathartic laugh this good since Tig Notaro’s Live.

Chef’s Table (Season 4): I’m crying because it’s all so beautiful.

Won’t You Be My Neighbor? (2018): I cried throughout this entire, lovely, tender-hearted documentary about a perfect man.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018): I left in the last 20 minutes to get an alcoholic beverage and didn’t return because fuck it, I was so damn bored.

A Star is Born (1976): Eh, at least we got Evergreen out of this.

Gaga: Five Foot Two (2017): This revitalized my respect for the woman.

Breathless (1960): I can see how this was so influential. Very romantic and wonderful outfits.

Tag (2018): I laughed so hard, and I haven’t enjoy a straight-up recently released comedy in so long.

Let No Man Write My Epitaph (1960): Can’t lie, at the 40 minute mark, I couldn’t believe there was another full hour of this slog left and turned it off.

Nailed It (Season 1): Comedic genius.

Nailed It (Season 2): Let Nicole Byers host everything.

Black Sunday (1960): May I present to you, my new favorite movie. It has everything I need.

Murder on the Orient Express (1974): Wow. Wow wow wow. Why did they remake this movie? This version was perfect and so, so superior in every way. I think I cried at one point?

Häxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages (1922): A documentary with excellent reenactments that made me think, “How’d this get past the Hays’ Code?!!?” before realizing it was an import.

Whitney (2018): Documentary about the woman herself with the people who were there with her through it all. I’m shocked by some of the things people admitted to on-camera and that they got Bobby to say anything at all. Denial runs deep. It was excellent to see her live shows on the big screen.

The Vietnam War (2017): An 18-hour documentary series that follows every year and major milestone of the war. Very bipartisan, honest, and I learned a lot.

Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018): Legitimately entertaining and a great refresh from Infinity War (which I hated).

The Witches (1966): Joan Fontaine is in the midst of a small-town conspiracy when she moves in as the new school teacher. Spoiler! The answer is the occult.

Jim Jefferies: This is Me Now (2018): Not bad, but didn’t encourage me to find another of his specials. It’s fine.

Hannah Gadsby: Nanette (2018): Challenge the form more!! This was so inspiring.

Growing Up Wild (2016): Disneynature division really needs new footage. Daveed Diggs was at least a great narration choice.

Sorry to Bother You (2018): Not at all what I was expecting -- although I did expect to like it and that was indeed met. I want to tell you nothing. Go in blind.

Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (2018): How do these movies continue to be the best thing Sandler is attached to in near a decade?? They honestly retain the level of quality film to film. I love it all.

Iliza Shlesinger: Elder Millennial (2018): I cried I laughed so hard.

Paint Your Wagon (1969): Clint Eastwood singing!! Polyamorous cowboys!!

Mission: Impossible -- Fallout (2018): I want more action movies like this. The stunts and fights were just so beautiful. I can’t express how great this movie is and how well it works in the genre. I wish there were more like this.

Eighth Grade (2018): One of the more honest teenage-centric films about being a teenager in recent memory. So cathartic. So proud of Bo Burnham.

Grace and Frankie (Season 1): I literally love everyone more in this entire cast.

Grace and Frankie (Season 2): Powering through because I’m still waiting for my shows to come back and I’m watching it between episode breaks from Black Mirror to lighten my mood.

Dark Tourist (Season 1): It’s horrifying in about 40% of the cases for me; but god does it make me want to travel again.

The Meg (2018): Do you want to see Jason Statham fight a fuckign shark?! Of course you do. This was genuinely a fun film to watch.

BlacKkKlansman (2018): Spike Lee’s best in years. Beautiful filmmaking.

Crazy Rich Asians (2018): I loved this so goddamn much. This is what a good romantic comedy looks like. More like this, please, Hollywood. Romcoms can be good, respected, and worthy of praise if the effort is there!!

Black Mirror (Series 1): Well, shit. The first episode was overhyped to me but overall, I’m not disappointed in waiting so long to finally start this.

Black Mirror (Series 2): This show is fucking addictive.

Grace and Frankie (Season 3): This show is so pure and funny.

Black Mirror (Series 3): Contains my favorite episode I’ve ever watched of anything ever. 

Black Mirror (Series 4): Give. Me. Mooooore!!!

Sylvia Plath: Inside The Bell Jar (2018): A short documentary about Plath’s life surrounding her writing of her famous book.

Destination Wedding (2018): Two of my favorite people act out what is quite possibly what would be designed to be my life were it suddenly a romantic comedy. Love is stupid! I’m a cynic and happy in my cynicism! ...BUUUUT.

Searching (2018): This is like a very well-done, well-acted, well-budgeted ID channel original movie. I had a great time watching it.

Grace and Frankie (Season 4): I hope I have as much game as Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin do when I’m their age.

Black Narcissus (1947): Absolutely beautiful technicolor and impending dread. But then BOOM! 1940s blackface.

Night of the Eagle (1962): Delightfully bizarre.

Slice (2018): Modern B movie. I loved the concept more than the execution: I loved the ensemble so much, but they somehow didn’t have enough of any of them in it.

Leave Her to Heaven (1945): The Original Amazing Amy!

A Simple Favor (2018): I am so excited about how unexpectedly fun, entertaining, and even compelling this film was.

Sharp Objects (Mini-Series): A tough, but addicting sit. I watched the entire series in one go.

Strong Enough to Break (2006): The behind the scenes documentary of Hanson being put on hold by their record company for a three-year span which lead to frustrations and the eventual formation of their independent company.

Bad Times at the El Royale (2018): This movie wasn’t bad. But I feel like I’ve seen and read better takes on this type of story/stories before.

The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant (1972): Harold, they’re lesbians. 

RBG (2018): An awe-inspiring individual receiving the documentary she deserves.

White Zombie (1932): Bela Lugosi puts a voodoo curse on Madge Bellamy. 

Castle Rock (Season 1): I sincerely hope this is a sign of the times that the success of IT is going to bring about more and more Stephen King-inspired media.

The Haunting of Hill House (Season 1): Please please PLEASE don’t do a second season. This was so cathartic and splendid on its own.

The Mummy (1932): I grew up with the Brendan Fraser one, but this was just delightful.

The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell (Season 1): Quite possibly my favorite tv watch of the year.

Love, Gilda (2018): Documentary taking a look at the life of Gilda Radner with lots of lovely, private home videos. My favorites were of her and Gene together.

The Exorcist (1973): Yes. My first time watching it from beginning to end and in full. It’s an entertaining sit for the acting and practical effects!

Hush (2016): I already ranted about this on my Twitter, but god this was patronizing and horribly cast. It had such potential so it was vastly disappointing. 

Dog Soldiers (2002): This is the perfect example of how if I’m told the ending, I just don’t find any enjoyment in watching it. Sigh.

Ghost Stories (2017): And this is the perfect example that if you overdo the slow burn, I’m going to pull up the film’s Wikipedia summary and spoil myself so I don’t have to sit through it anymore.

Fahrenheit 451 (2018): It’s too bad this wasn’t good. Lost a lot of its nuance. 

Halloween (2018): THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANT OUT OF A HORROR MOVIE/SEQUEL. I LOVED EVERYTHING. I LOVED EVERYONE. I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH, JAMIE LEE CURTIS.

Like Father (2018): The only good part was the acting in the scene between Kristen Bell and Kelsey Grammer at the waterfall. The rest was just an obvious 1990s script dusted off. Complete with minority stereotypes that have nothing better to do with their lives than to help the poor, messy white girl.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018): I always get so, super excited when I find a good romantic comedy. This is wholesome, relies on clichés but makes them its own, has wonderful characters played by great actors, and I cannot wait for the sequel.

Solo (2018): Forgettable.

Suspiria (2018): It had a rocky start, but I believe this very well could make my end of the year list. I adored 94% of it.

Corrina, Corrina (1994): They should have leaned into the romance more.

Bonjour Tristesse (1958): GOD Jean Seberg was GORGEOUS. 

Jane the Virgin (Season 1): I finally got spoiled by something pretty big, so I gave up not searching the tags for this show and putting these out of sequence -- I love this show. It’s right up there for me with Parks and Recreation, The Office, Parks and Recreation, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. There is no character I dislike unless specifically, unequivocally written for me to. It’s so engaging and charming and hits all of my requisites to be loyal to a show ‘til the end.

Jane the Virgin (Season 2): Team Michael and trying to catch up before the final season premieres.

Nailed It! Holiday! (2018): God I’m crying with laughter. Nicole Byer should be so much more famous.

Jane the Virgin (Season 3): Almost caught up and loving it!

On the Basis of Sex (2018): My favorite movie to see on Christmas. Well acted. Well paced. Loved RBG’s cameo at the end. I think it was a great depiction.

Mary Poppins Returns (2018): It was fun in the moment, but the more I sit with it, the less I remember of this movie -- much like the songs as soon as the next scene happened. It’s such a tall order to follow up Mary Poppins. Emily Blunt is dipped in gold as usual, but it’s sort of a middle tier installment in the new line of Disney remakes/reboots. Great dancing and spectacle. But just okay overall.

Creed II (2018): Now if you’re just gonna do the same thing over and over with new generations, this is how you do it. 

Widows (2018): My last movie of the year. Such great performances. I wish there was more to see with the female cast -- this would have been great as a limited series (such as the one it’s based on).

2017 | 2016 | 2015 | 2014

[kitliveblogs]

so this is basically a long-ass rant disguised as a review of Little Mermaid II that I originally posted on a different blog. maybe someday I'll actually get back to that blog, but for right now the theme is broken and I can't read anything on it anymore.

so for now, this will live right here instead c:

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Everyone's already taken their shots at the notoriously bad Disney sequels made in the late 90s and early 2000s. They're basically a walking punch line just by existing. But really, not all of them are completely worthless, and a couple of them are even pretty enjoyable, in a hilarious "I can't believe they actually made this" sort of way.

But I'm here to talk about only the most heinous of cinematic disasters. And let me make one thing perfectly clear: this isn't just Kit being a bitter and cranky old fogy with a chip on her shoulder because the shitty sequel ruined her childhood. I mean, I am bitter and cranky, but The Little Mermaid II couldn't possibly lower my opinion of the original -- there's not really anything lower than rock bottom. (yeah I hate The Little Mermaid fight me)

This movie is just flat out that bad.

word count: 3070

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I'm just gonna get one thing out of the way right now: nothing about this movie frustrates me more than the cast. This cast is made up of particularly well-known voice actors, and it's heartbreaking that they all got wrangled into doing this shit. Jodi Benson (Ariel), Samuel E. Wright (Sebastian), Kenneth Mars (King Triton), and Buddy Hackett (Scuttle) all return to reprise their roles from the first movie, and Pat Carroll who played Ursula is here to play Morgana, the main villain and Ursula's conveniently-never-before-mentioned sister. Yeah. They're doing that. And on top of getting so much of the original cast, they also roped in:

Rob Paulsen (Eric)

Tara Strong (Melody)

Clancy Brown (Undertow)

Cam Clarke (Flounder)

Rene freaking Auberjonois as Chef Louis

and one my favorite VAs Stephen Furst as Dash, one half of the Timon and Pumbaa knock-offs for the film.

When just looking at the cast list pisses me off this much... I don't think this is going to be much fun.

A quick recap for those who have been living under a rock since the late 70s: The Little Mermaid is the story of Ariel, daughter of the ruler of Atlantica, who at the completely world-wise age of 16 decides she's had enough of life under the sea and wants to live with the humans on land. She turns to the sea-witch Ursula for help, and in exchange for her voice is given a pair of legs and a deadline: kiss the man of her dreams within three days or join the shriveled legion of Ursula's previous victims. Naturally the witch doesn't play fair and Ariel fails, and King Triton offers himself in exchange for his daughter, thus sacrificing his washboard abs and obscenely powerful trident to Ursula. One climactic battle later, Ursula's dead, Triton turns Ariel into a human, and she and Prince Eric live happily ever after.

Until the sequel, of course, where Ariel and Eric have a baby girl, Melody, which makes me question the exact biology of this bizarre offspring. I mean just look at this thing:

She was just born but she's got a full head of hair and disturbingly large blue eyes. It's freakish. But anyway, this is where movie number 2 begins.

And we're off to a good start: smacked in the face with a terrible music number. I would say get used to those, but there aren't really enough in the movie to warrant it -- which is pretty bad when you consider this is supposed to be a musical. Also, "listen to Ariel's Melody"? That's... wow. I can't even say that's cute in a sarcastic way that's just terrible.

But oh no! The party is interrupted by Morgana, who is, as Sebastian so eloquently puts it:

Oh good. I can see we'll be dealing with truly ingenious writing here.

So after stealing the baby Melody, ranting and raving about being better than her sister Ursula, and attempting to feed the baby to a shark (all while Ariel, Eric, and Triton stand there doing absolutely nothing), Morgana flees to the arctic. Wait, the arctic? Well, alright, you need to escape pursuit to a barren wasteland, that's fair. I won't linger on this for now, as the geography problems will get a lot worse later.

One of the main MacGuffins of the movie is a gold locket with Melody's name inscribed on it, that projects an image of Atlantica and plays a lullaby when opened. King Triton was giving it to the baby before Morgana came onto the scene, and after failing to find her in a massive search of the sea, Triton drops it in the water and leaves. This strikes me as odd. Wouldn't you want to hang onto it? As a keepsake of your family? Or at the very least dispose of it more properly, just in case Melody might one day, oh I dunno, find it and realize her mother and father had been lying to her her entire life? Nah, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Fast forward 12 years. A giant wall has been built on the shore to keep Melody and the ocean apart, but being a tenacious kid she naturally figured out a way around it. Or rather, under it. Which raises the question: if this child could figure out a way out, why couldn't Morgana figure a way in? It would have been a simple matter to slip under the wall, scale the outside of the tower with her suction cup-riddled tentacles, and kidnap the baby to hold for ransom. Why was it so imperative to wait until Melody found the locket before enacting her plan to steal the trident?

Oh, yeah, that thing I mentioned before about her finding it? Lo and behold, she discovered the damn thing on one of her jaunts to collect seashells (which are comically huge by the way). If only Triton had done literally anything else with it, this whole mess might have been avoided.

But no time to worry about that now; there's a birthday party to attend!

Through a convoluted mess of trying to hide her seashells and pretend she'd been in her room the entire time, Melody accidentally ties Sebastian into the dorky bow on the back of her party dress. I'm sure this will have no consequences down the line at all--

Huh. Didn't see that one coming. This leads to a ridiculous scene of Chef Louis chasing Sebastian around the ballroom like some sort of crazed lunatic. I know this was a thing from the first movie, but this guy is out of his fucking gourd; why do they keep him around? Ultimately, Melody runs off to her room out of embarrassment.

I really don't want to linger on anything for too long since this movie doesn't deserve that much energy, but there's two things about this scene I need to address. One: so basically if Sebastian had just remained calm and waited it out... none of this would have happened? I think the blame for this one falls on him. And two: why the hell are all these other children making fun of Melody? I know she's ~weird~ and all, but she's the freaking princess. Don't you think they'd know better than exclude the princess of the entire kingdom? I would want to stay on her good side is all I'm saying.

Anyway. Melody finally takes a good look at the locket and realizes something's up, confronting her mother about Atlantica. Okay, Ariel, here's your chance. If you just explain the situation, she'll understand and maybe you could even take her to Atlantica under heavy guard or something so she can finally meet her damn grandfather.

Or you could just get mad. Getting mad is good too.

Naturally after that Melody decides to take off, rowing a rather conveniently placed boat out to sea to try and figure it all out for herself. While she meets Undertow and agrees to follow him to Morgana, Sebastian is back at the castle psyching himself up to tell Ariel that Melody ran away.

WAIT. YOU DIDN'T KNOW? IT'S BEEN TWELVE YEARS AND YOU HAD NO IDEA SEBASTIAN WAS KEEPING AN EYE ON MELODY??

So in the end, a) Ariel is the least observant person in the world, b) Sebastian never once told her about Melody's excursions beyond the wall (remember that for later), and c) Triton didn't bother to let Ariel know he'd assigned Sebastian the job, continuing the family cycle of not communicating with each other. In hindsight all this bullshit family drama isn't that surprising.

Back to Melody and Morgana (yes, somehow Undertow and the manta ray minions hauled the boat to the arctic in just a couple of hours), Morgana is doing what she does best: whining about Ursula. Honey, I don't think your mother favored her because she was the oldest; I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that Ursula was actually competent and managed to accomplish her goals. Plus her magic is clearly more powerful than yours, since you have to use one of her potions to turn Melody into a mermaid.

OH MY GOD A SONG. I forgot this movie was supposed to have those. It's an upbeat little tune about learning to swim with her new tail, which quickly evolves into a duet with her mother and finding their "worlds:" Melody finding a place she belongs underwater, and Ariel keeping Melody safe. It's boring, but at least Tara Strong can sing well, and Jodi Benson can still belt it out like she could twenty years ago.

Morgana tells Melody that the spell will only last for two days, and that in order to make it permanent, she'll need the "powerful trident that was stolen from her." I'm sure you're as shocked as I was when it was revealed that she didn't just want a puppy and someone to make her pie. So off Melody goes with naught but determination and a map carved into a block of ice. Wait. That seems... poorly designed.

There aren't even words on it. Now I'm no cartographer, but that seems like a pretty major flaw for a map.

Meanwhile, Ariel has joined the search for Melody as a mermaid again, because apparently, according to Eric, "You should go. You know these waters -- and you know our daughter." Um. I'm not even sure where to begin with that one. Let's just say I agree with half that statement; I'll give you one guess which half.

Back in the arctic-- Stop. Okay look. I liked Timon and Pumbaa well enough. Timon had his moments of obnoxiousness, but Nathan Lane was likable enough to always bring it back, and Pumbaa is still my favorite character from The Lion King. But lemme tell ya, I HATE what Timon and Pumbaa did to Disney for a while. They wanted quirky, amiable sidekicks that would keep the kids entertained and distract from the lion sex happening in the background. I can understand that. But when every kid walked away singing Hakuna Matata and the Disney execs realized what they'd stumbled on, every movie afterward that was bound to fail miserably tried to shoehorn in a pair that would have the same appeal to sell more merch. Timon and Pumbaa themselves wound up with their own movie and a SATURDAY MORNING CARTOON SHOW. YEAH. THAT REALLY HAPPENED.

Why do I bring it up? Do you really have to ask?

Meet Tip and Dash, your knock-offs for the evening.

They are, as they put it, "adventurers slash explorers." That might have actually been a good way of setting them apart from the lackadaisical Timon and Pumbaa -- except that in their very first scene they attempt to save a baby penguin from a shark and completely botch the whole thing by being complete cowards. And then when the penguin family gets upset and berates them for their piss-poor job, the movie has the audacity to frame this like we should feel sorry for them. Movie, I refuse to sympathize with them when all the criticism against them is CORRECT. Also sharks don't live in the arctic. Neither do walruses. Just throwing that out there.

From there they bump into Melody, and she convinces them to take her to Atlantica, since Morgana was an idiot for carving the map into an easily-breakable piece of ice. By the way, for the record, Dash is the only likable character in this entire movie, but even then that's not saying much when you consider I'm biased because of his VA. He's the one that actually agrees to help Melody because she's "a damsel in distress," and doesn't care that she's actually a human-turned-mermaid. Come to think of it, this could have been a really good analogy for trans youth, but that probably would have been way too complicated a subject for a shitty Disney sequel.

Also I was gonna skip this part but it's stuck in my head so I'd like to introduce you to the CATCHIEST AND MOST OBNOXIOUS SONG IN ANY MOVIE EVER. Like damn! That would be an accomplishment if it wasn't so terrible. And I'm not exaggerating; I'm completely immune to It's A Small World, but THIS? This garbage sticks to me like glue. (and if you decided to skip the song you now have It's A Small World in your head so either way you have to SUFFER WITH ME)

Ahem. Moving on.

The Three Stooges here finally make it to Atlantica, just barely missing Ariel, Triton, and Flounder going the other way. Flounder, in the past twelve years, has had about five annoying kids and developed a dad belly. It's not really relevant to anything but it's just hilarious to me that even fish can have dad bellies. But there's only a half hour of this turd left, so let's keep chugging along.

On their way into the palace they bump into a piece of-- what? Fish jailbait? Jail fish bait? Eh, whatever. THEY BUMP INTO THIS KID:

Yes, as a matter of fact it was. Even though Atlantica is clearly in tropical waters. Starfish, sea urchins, and crabs all live in tropical waters, whereas penguins live in colder climates. This geography is seriously messed up. I don't think anyone on the creative team even bothered to so much as glance at a map while making this -- which would also explain the terrible ice map, I suppose.

Melody swipes the trident and heads back to Morgana's lair. Cloak and Dagger, the two manta ray minions (I know, subtle), follow behind, and Ariel catches sight of them. She and Flounder in turn follow them, discovering the witch's hiding place in the arctic. Personally my first thought was "So, we've looked everywhere actually means except there because it's cold as balls and nobody wanted to?" but Ariel's a bit more focused than I was by this point.

Ariel tries to send Flounder back, to let Triton know where they are, but Flounder, being an idiot, says he won't let her go in there alone. DUDE. GO GET HELP. Who does, in fact, go to get help? Why Scuttle, of course!

And it's all your fault, bro.

Ariel rushes in in the nick of time to stop Melody from handing over the trident, but naturally the two of them get into the argument that puts the final nail in coffin. Melody actually says "You knew how much I loved the sea!" but I'd like to refer you back to the facts. Melody and Ariel never had an honest and open conversation about, well, anything. The closest evidence we have to support this statement is that Melody thought Atlantica was just an old fish tale, which means at some point Ariel told her stories about it and the mermaids. Otherwise there's just genetics: your mother's a mermaid so you must love the sea too. That's an awfully big leap. And there's the fact that Sebastian never told Ariel about Melody's adventures outside the wall. She had zero idea about any of it. So how could she have possibly known how much Melody loved the ocean, outside of sheer guesswork?

Oh, but "you know our daughter." Well if you SAY it it MUST be true!

By the by, Melody's little realization here of "I have made a horrible mistake" when she gives Morgana the trident is just priceless.

De-licious.

Finally we've reached the big battle. Morgana builds herself a big fuck-off tower of ice, and we're ready for action.

Scuttle, in a rare moment of non-stupidity, comes soaring in, tailed by Prince Eric's ship. Before blasting it to pieces Morgana asks, "Come to join the party?" and I have to agree; where the hell have you been for the last 40 minutes, anyway, Eric? ALSO

And I present you the only funny line in the movie:

...If it feels like I'm rushing through this it's only because I am.

After getting the trident, Morgana had sealed Melody and Flounder into an ice cavern. Unfortunately for her, Melody's two days are now up, and she turns back into a human in a chamber full of water. Tip and Dash rush in to save her, and come face-to-face with a full-sized Undertow. Through a not-at-all suspenseful sequence of the shark chasing them around, they manage to trick him into ramming the ice wall trapping Melody and Flounder, and get her back up to the surface. Where she just. wakes up. No coughing water or dizziness or trouble breathing. NOPE. Her eyes open as soon as she hits air and she's good to go.

Disney: showing the lighter side of almost drowning.

As Morgana fulfills her power fantasy of getting everyone to bow down to her and shrieking "WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE NOW, MA" (yeah I'm pretty sure it's still Ursula), Melody scales the ice tower in an attempt to retrieve the trident. If nothing else, this movie shows a very inaccurate portrayal of trying to walk on ice. Unsurprisingly, Melody succeeds and tosses the trident back to Triton, who seals Morgana in a block of ice to rest forever at the bottom of the sea.

So Ursula was literally stabbed through the chest with an entire boat and died but Morgana gets punked out in a block of ice? Weak.

The family reconciles, Melody takes the whole "grandfather" thing a little too well, and the movie ends with them tearing down the wall so the humans and merpeople can interact freely from now on.

I only have two questions before I finally shut up about this stupid stupid movie:

1. So does the whole kingdom just sort of take it in stride that a) merpeople exist and b) the prince married one? 2. How can a movie that's only an hour and ten minutes long sans credits feel SO MUCH LONGER

This whole thing was ridiculous from the jump. Who was demanding a sequel to the Little Mermaid of all freaking things? Who really wanted to see sequels to any of the movies from the Disney Renaissance? And there are quite a few of them. Like I said, some of them can be pretty enjoyable if you like cheesiness. But most of them are just terrible like this one, and if you're wondering whether you'll be seeing more of the Dark Age of Disney, don't worry. Their days will come.