#*and* as fixated on helping people to See The Error Of Their Ways as a means to ultimately help them

[obstinatecondolement]

Trying to think which of Austen's romantic leads is the most like me and, um:

Edward Ferrars was not recommended to their good opinion by any peculiar graces of person or address. He was not handsome, and his manners required intimacy to make them pleasing. He was too diffident to do justice to himself; but when his natural shyness was overcome, his behaviour gave every indication of an open, affectionate heart. His understanding was good, and his education had given it solid improvement. But he was neither fitted by abilities nor disposition to answer the wishes of his mother and sister, who longed to see him distinguished—as—they hardly knew what

... yeah.

[jo-com]

˙✧˖°📷 ༘ ⋆｡° ➛ Recital

Charles Leclerc x Fem!Ballet reader x Max Verstappen

Summary: They show the whole world how proud they are for you by attending your recital, along with them was your cutesy little angel.

Genre: throuple and Wholesome moment with them

Note: This is not proofread and they contain grammatical errors also google translated french and dutch but i hope you enjoy

───── ─ ୧⋆｡🩰✧ ─ ───────

“Maman?” Your two year old daughter babbled, her hands moving up and down and fingers balled up to a fist—creating a grabby hand like gesture.

Motioning for Charles to carry her to which he gladly obliges.

“Yes, mon bébé, we are going to see maman” Charles said in a toddler like voice and then proceeds to twirl her in the air earning a cutesy giggle from their daughter.

“Stop, papa” she laughed, gripping tightly onto charles’ shirt to avoid slipping off his embrace. “Okay, okay, i’ll stop in one condition.”

Charlotte cocked her head to the side curiously; waiting for her dad to continue.

“With a kiss” Charles added, grinning mischievously as he stared at their daughter’s expression. Her once curious gaze turned into happy ones after hearing his “condition.”

“No papa, kisses are only for maman” she shook her head a ‘no’ and rested both her hands on her tiny hips.

She was trying to look intimidating but with her doey face she just looked like a bunny trying to act tough.

With that Charles erupted into a fit of laughter at their daughter’s movements. Making charlotte lean her head to the side and looked at her dad confusingly— thinking what made him laugh like that.

“What are you guys doing? Have you even finished getting ready?”

Charles freezes, hearing a familiar voice that came from the corner of the room to where the door was— and let me tell you; that voice does not sound happy. At all.

“Ah mon amour, yes we’ve finished” he chucked dryly.

“But papa, we haven’t put in my bows” she whispered, well she was trying to at least.

“I heard that” Max said, his brows knitted to a frown and hands rested in his hip. Wow like father like daughter.

Charles widened his eyes and scratched the back of his neck, mumbling a low ‘oh hehe’.

Max rolled his eyes, not in a mean way though more like a ‘i am going to kick your ass later’ kind of way. “We’re going to be late” he muttered and carefully took charlotte out of charles’ arms.

“Come on Mijn liefste (my sweet), let’s get you ready”

“Do you need any help, Mon cœur?.” Charles asked, wanting to ease his lover’s anger. He smiled from ear to ear showing of his dimples and of course max can’t resist that look.

He shook his head and playfully rolled his eyes this time, “sure darling”— Charles’ heart then swelled with love at the nickname.

Without a moment to spear the two of them started to fix Charlotte’s bow.

…

Finally, after what felt like forever they had arrive at the theater to where your recital was happening.

They walked along the crowded floor; looking for their reserved seat, and once they spotted their names they soon sat down and waited patiently for the show to start.

…

“Curtains up in five people,” the assistant director yelled, loud enough for only the people in backstage can hear.

You sighed nervously— shaking off the nerves with a few practice Battement tendu. You do that every performance you do, just to let out some of the pre show jitters. It somehow calms your nerves down.

After five minutes was up, the spoke person started to announce the performance and tiny little information about the recital; along with it was the curtains being pulled up to reveal all the ballet dancers including yourself.

The First song was then played and all of you started dance gracefully to the beat of the sound— who ever watched it, will be amazed on how Synchronized you guys were. As if you all were one person that’s playing tricks on their mind making them think that you’re plenty.

Amidst the crowd, there charlotte was. Her eyes fixated on your dancing figure; she was at awe on how beautiful and elegant you look just by dancing alone.

She mindlessly tugged Max’s tux without breaking her eyes off yours.

“Maman is so pretty papa” she mumbled.

Her heart full of adoration for her mom. She wishes she could be there at stage with you and hug you like crazy.

Max smiled, looking at their daughter as she gazed at you; eyes filled with proudness and love. He then tapped Charles on the shoulder and whispered what charlotte said to him.

Now the three of them were smiling brightly.

…

After the show ended, the three of them made their way backstage to your dressing room.

Charles was holding charlotte in his arm but she was quick to go down as soon, as you guys stepped in-front of your door.

She knocked frantically, waiting for you to open the door, when you did she ran as fast as she can and hugged you tightly down your waist.

“Maman, you looked so amazing back there” she yelled, her hug only getting tighter with excitement.

“Merci mon bébé” you smiled, stroking the roof of her head soothingly.

Both Charles and Max went towards you two and kissed the both sides of your cheeks.

“If you were there, you could see how adorable she looked” charles chuckled, making charlotte pout.

“You’re not supposed to say that papa” she grumbled and broke from your embrace and softly hit Charles’ leg.

Max and you giggled at the two; seeing them ‘fight’ was the cutest thing ever. At that moment you were so happy to have them, if you were to choose to replay one memory it would be this— the laughter from both your husbands and the pouty face of your daughter. Everything was just so perfect.

…

Miss.y/n just posted!

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Miss.yn Merci to my number 1 supporters!🩰

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…

Sorry I couldn’t write for a while because of my writes block😭😭 but i js finished this and there are more in my draft so i hope you enjoyed!!

[xqueen-of-disasterx]

Enemy

Kinktober day 3

Paring: Spiderwoman!reader x Venom!Nat

Warnings: SMUT, dub-con, fingering, tendril sex, Venom forming a dick, (I’m sorry), degradation, humiliation, public sex, breeding kink, nipple stimulation, orgasm control,

!Disclaimer English is not my first language so please excuse any grammar or spelling errors. This story is completely fictional!

A/N: I’m very sorry if you read this Lewis

Masterlist- Kinktober

The rain was purring onto the dirty streets of New York washing away all the grease left by the city however the read dirt stayed; they had to be taken care of by you. You were Spiderwoman since you had turned 17 a few years back and since then the streets were your life. Your mornings, your noons, your evenings even your nights had been spent cleaning this city from its dirt. There was simply no time of a committed relationship, even though you had tried and failed with what you thought would be the love of your life. Unsurprisingly being a superhero barley covered anyones bills not like it had been implied by the comics you had spent your whole youth reading. You couldn’t quit either Spiderwoman was a symbol. A symbol of hope and kindness when every institution failed you had been there protecting those who couldn’t do it themselves.

Sitting alone in your one bedroom apartment you were certain that being a super hero in high school was a lot easier than making it your profession in adulthood. Your head was planted upon your desk your eyes threatening to fall asleep from sheer exhaustion. You barely listened to the frequency of the police radio. You were quickly awoken by the news of a black human like monster being sighted by civilians. You were in your suit in record time pulling your mask over your tired eyes before swinging into the cold city. You swung over the busy traffic of the the New York streets.

Arriving at the described location you realised that the object of your attention was no where to be found. Not a trace from it left. Your curiosity got the better of you. In your years of being a superhero and fighting against the green goblin and people made of sand nothing could shock you anymore. Oh how wrong you were. But this was something something, new something exciting which could potentially make your boring life a bit more exciting.

The police was just as clueless as you were so you started to search around the area yourself. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until you made out a red headed woman alone in a dark alleyway. You came closer to her this probably wouldn’t help your search but she had a strange aura around her pulling you in. She seemed a bit nervous perhaps her green eyes fixated on your athletic form. She looked older than you maybe in her mid 30s but you weren’t sure.

“Can I help you this is a dangerous neighbourhood.” The woman face changed to a smirk “Well” she started “I’m sure you can help me in a personal way” Flirting and especially sleeping with civilians was off limits but you were desperate. It had been months since the last time you had another woman at your mercy. “I’m sure I can be of great-” you could see the womans eyes widen as she looked over your shoulder in the same moment your spider senses went off. Was something behind you? You turned around to see nothing you were confused for a second until you felt a force wrestling you onto the ground. You managed to turn to onto your back only to face a black slimy creature. You stared into its big white eyes as it slowly opened it mouth to reveal its many white razor sharp teeth. It seemed to have multiple rows of them all tripping in salvia. Its velvet tongue had an impressive size as it hovered above your masked face. Salvia tripped onto your face as you tried to move away.

“You were right Nat… she is stupid” the creature above you remarked in its deep voice. “Hey” you squeaked higher than you had intended to. The goo pulled back to reveal the beautiful red head again. “Oh look V she looks so shocked” she snarled at you pulling her arms from the black slime but your hands remained pinned to the concrete. Her hand gripped onto your mask pulling it up as you shook your head to side violently. Never once did you get unmasked but she did it gripping onto your chin so you couldn’t move. “You are a pretty one spider girl.” “Fuck you” you bit back. She responded in laughter making you blush in humility. “Oh no I’m gonna fuck you sweet girl” she said in between laughter.

***

“Please” you whimpered desperately your face pressed against the hard brick wall. The position you were in was beyond embarrassing. Complete naked bend forward black tendrils running over your naked form with her fingers deep inside of you pressing against you g spot. “Who would’ve guessed the symbol of hope would be such a slut. Look you are dripping down your legs like a penny whore” she slapped your ass making you cry out for more. “More” you whined feeling the tendrils rolling over your nipples.

She moved her fingers at her brutal pace curling and twisting as you clenched down. “I- I’m gonna-” “Should we let her V” she asked her companion. “Cum” you did on command releasing your slick over Nats hand and wrists.

Natasha pulled her hand from your heat making you whine at the lost. “I think she can do another” the goo formed a dick around Nats hips which you only realised once its big head was already pressed against your tight hole. “I can’t” you lied as she pushed in “Your body wants it I know it Spidey” she chuckled pushing in until she bottomed you out. She let you adjust before picking up her pace. She fucked into you hard and fast. “I’m gonna fuck you pregnant you little slut” she bit into your neck the tendrils working magic on your already overstimulated clit. “Fuck I’m gonna cum” she picked up her pace one last time before releasing her with cum inside of you.

The tendrils pulled back from your cum mixing into each other before tripping down your thighs. She pulled her pants back up leaving you panting against the wall. As a last act of affection she helped you back in your suit before leaving.

“Until next time spider girl”

:)

I do not own these characters all rights go to Marvel

[bisexualiteaa]

Sinful Indulgence

Logan Howlett x Mutant!Fem Reader (SMUT!! MDNI)

CW: established friendship, mentions of alcohol, mentions of smoking, swearing, reader has a succubus mutation, mutual pining, slight angst, p0rn w/ a little plot, wall fugging, unprotected seggs, p in v, fingering, oral (f receiving), use of pet names, praise, touch starved, cream pie, possible spelling/grammar errors.

AN: SHE HAS RETURNED BABY GIRL!! With another character fixation. 👀 Saw the Deadpool and Wolverine movie and I just could not resist writing for this beautiful, beautiful man. I was writing this at almost 3am so please forgive me if it’s sporadic and has errors, it’s been a while since I’ve gotten a whole work done. 😩 Feel free to send asks about Deadpool or Wolverine, I am happy to write for both of them! Hope y’all enjoy! 💛💙

When you showed up at Wade’s apartment after work, you thought of practically every other scenario in existence than the one you were currently in. Of course, you wouldn’t consider being pinned up against the wall, blouse unbuttoned- or rather ripped open, pencil skirt scrunched all the way up above your ass with his tall, dark and brooding roommate’s tongue down your throat a worst case scenario by any means. Just certainly not the one you were expecting to be in when you’d left work.

Wade had invited you over to celebrate your most recent job promotion, seeing as you were best friends with the merc, and his neighbor from just across the hall, he wanted to share in the celebration with you. He knew that unlike him, you lived alone and had for quite some time. Not really by choice, but rather that most people were scared by you or intimidated when they found out about your work and your mutant abilities. Aside from Wade and his friends, you’d become somewhat accustomed to keeping mostly to yourself. He wanted you to have people to share in the good news with, even if it was a small group of people, they were at least there to help show you that you didn’t have to go through things alone anymore. You had been there for him through some of his hardest times, helping him any way you could and he wanted to return the favor the best he possibly could. So needless to say, when you opened the door to his apartment (thanks to you having a spare key incase he lost his or Mary Puppins needed a dog sitter) you were shocked to find Wade nowhere to be seen. Or heard, which is incredibly rare. When you walked in, you were instead greeted to Logan who was sprawled out on the couch with his usual beer in hand. He laid there with one foot propped on the opposite arm rest, as the other sat planted on the floor in a manspread of sorts, his free arm raised up and tucked beneath his head. You blushed as you tried your hardest to not let your eyes wander past the vein on his lower stomach. It just barely peaked from beneath his shirt that was riding up and led under the waistband of his jeans. You couldn’t help but wonder where it led to, or how it would feel beneath your tongue as you’d trace it with your wet muscle. How ferocious he would sound as you raked your nails across his skin as he was buried deep within you. You wondered how it would look, how it would feel inside of you. Is it as imposing as the rest of him? You tried your best to clear your head, to rid yourself of the lascivious thoughts but it proved to be rather difficult when in his presence. Your mutation had been getting the better of you the past couple of weeks, making it hard to quell the demon residing in you. Literally and metaphorically speaking. Thankfully, he was too busy mindlessly watching something on the television to catch your stares as you stood there almost in awe. He finally looked to you as you closed the door, allowing you to send a kind smile his way and a gentle “hey!” in greet as you stepped inside, but his eyes hadn’t missed that wild look in your eyes or the flush to your cheeks. It seemed to happen often when you were around him, he noticed. It was a nice change to get a flustered smile sent his way rather than the sneers, or looks of disappointment and disgust from the people in his timeline. Nice to hear a racing heart rate for other reasons than just fear of what he was capable of. He was drawn to you in a way he couldn’t quite explain, something about you just felt comfortable. But you’d been distant lately. Anytime you would hang around Wade, the minute Logan came in the room, it was as if suddenly your time was cut short. Anytime he would see you in passing, he would only receive a quick hello from you, then watch as you’d bolt off. You guys didn’t even sit and chat for as long as you normally would when he would manage to get you to himself, seeming almost on edge around him. You’d never told him that you had a succubi mutation, or that you’d gone so long without sex that it made it nearly impossible for you to be around him without trying to jump him. So out of respect, you isolated yourself away and kept your distance from him. You’d never had this issue before, this was all new to you. Then again, you’d never been in love before like you were with Logan.

His eyes lingered on you a little longer than he had originally intended, and he prayed you wouldn’t notice. He already heard enough teasing from Wade about the way he looked at you with so-called “fuck me eyes” and the heavy tension that laid between you both. So if you were to catch him and his fleeting glances, he knew he would never hear the end of it. As much as he hated the idea of Wade making fun of him, he didn’t hate the idea of him and all his friends knowing that you were his girl. Or would hopefully be his girl, if he’d ever man up and finally shoot his shot with you. You come around often enough for him to have gotten to know you, between the late night game nights, Wade’s weekly movie nights and him sometimes visiting your place for a quiet space away from his loud roommate, he’d come to know you a lot more personally since he’d moved in. He’d never seen you so done up before though, and that’s what really caught his attention. You were donned in a ruffled blouse that outlined your every dip and curve, from your chest to your waist, leading down to a tight pencil skirt that hugged your hips just perfectly. He could only imagine the wonderful things it did to your ass, hoping you would pass him by so he could steal a glance and see for himself. You had on cute little kitten heels that clicked with each step and left you a little taller than usual. Not taller than him however, he could still tower over you with ease. You looked gorgeous in anything you wore in his eyes. You could be in nothing more than a baggy shirt and sweatpants and he’d still think you’d make the goddess of beauty absolutely green with envy. But in this? Every god and goddess out there could eat their fucking heart out. Your hair was done up in a tight bun, little fly aways pulled down to frame your face and a blazer draped over your arm. Not to mention you smelled like a walking aphrodisiac, he could hardly tear his eyes from you. Not that he wanted to, he was enjoying this view of you all to himself, and he was hoping you’d stick around for more than just a few minutes once you’d find out it was just him here.

“Take a picture bub, it’ll last you longer” you quipped in a playful tone with a grin and wink as you set your things down on the dining room table. Fuck, you caught him. Then again, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, you seemed to enjoy the stares so maybe if he played his cards right, he could see where this goes. He gave a small chuckle at your comment, using his own term against him as he turned back to the TV. “Never seen you so done up before” he stated, his way of asking what had you all dolled up and why you were here at Wade’s place. “Like what you see?” You asked with a smirk, your voice dipping into a lower, more seductive octave almost on its own, but spoken with the cocky tone you were originally going for, and for once he understood how he sounded to everyone else when he talked like that. No wonder people thought he was arrogant, but he had to admit, the confident flirtation looked and sounded good coming from you. He gave a scoff at your words, making you chuckle at his response. Wasn’t a yes but hey, it wasn’t a no either, maybe that was a win. “Had an interview for a promotion at my job today, and I killed it. Called up Wade to let him know the good news and he told me to come over after work” you replied, answering his question that went unspoken. “‘s just you here? Figured he’d have been home by now” you added. “Yeah, just me. Need me to jet?” He asked, making you confused at first as to why he asked it. “Why would I want you to leave? I enjoy your company” you replied truthfully, your tone so sweet it could almost rot his teeth. He honestly wasn’t expecting it. Usually most people didn’t like his company, considered him too grouchy or a buzzkill with how his attitude gets, and with the way you’d been dodging him lately he couldn’t help but wonder if it was something he’d done. “Oh. Well, you said Wade invited you over to celebrate, so I thought…” he started, not wanting to spell it out but you understood enough of what he was trying to say so he didn’t have to. Your eyes went wide before you laughed at what he had been insinuating. He knit his eyebrows in confusion and slight annoyance, but he couldn’t be mad, he loved your laugh. Loved it even more when he was the one who could pull the joyous sound from you. “Oh holy shit, now that’s fucking funny” you said, wiping tears from your eyes from laughing so hard before catching your breath. “No. Absolutely not. He is NOT my type and it is NOT that type of celebration” you answered as you took your heels off, leaving them by the door before strutting into the kitchen to Wade’s fridge, looking for a drink. It was a relief to hear those words leave you, and to see you kick off your shoes meant you planned on staying, even if he was the only one home.

As you strolled past Logan and into the kitchen, bending down to get into the fridge, he was privy to just how nice that skirt made your ass look, answering his suspicions from when you first walked in. “Is he anyone’s? Fucker never keeps his mouth shut long enough to be anything other than a headache” Logan chimed in, making you chuckle. “He’s Vanessa’s type I guess. Which hey, good for him but I pray for her sanity” you replied as you still dug around for something that wasn’t either Logan’s beers, which you knew better than to tamper with, or Mexican food that was likely long past safe to eat. “Not sure there’s any there ‘f she’s puttin’ up with his bullshit” he replied, watching as you finally gave up on the contents of the refrigerator with a groan in frustration and grabbed a bottle of wine from the cabinet above it instead. “Aha! There it is” You said as you closed the fridge door with your hip before pulling out a wine opener from the nearby drawer, getting the cork as far out as you could with the opener before pulling it the rest of the way out with your teeth. He’d be lying if he said it wasn’t an attractive sight. “Fair” you finally replied as the cork sat between your teeth before spitting it out to the side. After contemplating whether to get yourself a glass or not, you decided against it and instead drank straight from the long-necked bottle, leaving Logan to watch as your throat bobbed with your desperate gulps of the saccharine red liquid. He thought drinking isopropyl alcohol was a cry for help, guess he’d met his match. You licked the extra that collected along your plush lips before giving a pleased sigh. And it went straight to his dick. “Fuck, been needing this all day” you said contentedly, before coming over to the couch, silently asking his permission to join him before watching him scoot over. He huffed in protest as if it were a hassle, but really he was happy you even bothered to make sure he was okay with you joining him before just bursting his personal bubble. “At least he’s got that goin’ for him. I’ve been known to scare people away. Kinda come to terms with the fact that I’ll probably be a lonely drunk til the end of my days, so I guess he’s got that over me” you said before taking another hearty swig of your drink, trying your best to ignore the electric feeling of being so close to Logan but it was a battle you were steadily losing. He gave a grunt in reply, understanding completely how you felt. “You and me both, bub” he said making you chuckle softly but with a somber undertone to it. If only he knew how much you cared about him.

“You know, this is the first time in years I’ve had anyone to celebrate anything with” you piped up after taking another drink, staring off as you broke the peaceful silence that fell over you two. He looked to you as you spoke, his expression as impossible to read as ever but a hint of sympathy rested in those intense eyes of his. “I’m so tired of scaring people away because of how I am…tired of going about this bullshit life alone” you admitted, and you knew it sounded pathetic as soon as it left you but it was true. Yet he understood. He understood better than anyone what it was like to feel alone, to feel like the world had it out for you. “Well, y’not alone in this anymore bub” he said, making you turn to him and smile appreciatively at his words of comfort, you needed it more than you had originally thought. “Thanks Lo” you replied kindly, and he swore his heart skipped a beat at the nickname. You extended your bottle out towards him, a cheers in celebration to not only your accomplishments, but to the moment shared between you two. This was the most intimate and sweet moment you two had ever shared since meeting the man from another timeline. When you and Logan spoke, it always felt natural. Nothing was forced, there was no need to lie or put on a front, you felt comfortable. His gruff and angry exterior would scare off most, but not you. He was thankful for that, thankful that in this timeline, he was useful to someone. Cared for by people, but most importantly by you.

As he reached out to tap his beer against your wine bottle, he noticed something different about your nails. They were longer than they were a few minutes ago. Now black in color and with a rather sharp, claw like shape to them. “Have your nails done?” He asked, making you hum in confusion before looking at your hands. “Shit..” you whispered to yourself. It was then that it finally clicked in his head why you claimed people were scared of you. “You’re a mutant” he said, once again not really asking, rather stating, but his tone asked you to elaborate. You sighed as you tilted your head back against the back of the couch, your eyes clenched shut in embarrassment. “I am” you answered begrudgingly, knowing it was a painful journey from here. “Not exactly proud of it. In fact most times it feels like the shittiest thing ever dealt to me” you added, hissing in pain as horns sprouted from the top of your head. You’d gone too long without sating your needs, and in return you could no longer maintain your human visage. You felt your thin, spindly tail slither from beneath your skirt, Logan watching in amazement as you seemed to transform before him. When your eyes finally opened and your jaw unclenched, he was greeted to enchanting golden irises and a set of fangs in place of your normal canines. “This…I’m afraid is the real me” you said self consciously, searching for fear in his eyes, looking for any hint of disgust like others had shown you in the past. Yet you didn’t find it. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Was all he asked, wanting to know why you would hide this from him when you told each other next to everything. “Because I didn’t want to scare you away” you answered simply. “I’ve lost so many people through the years that meant so much to me. I’ve scared some when I would tell them I’m a mutant, I’ve disgusted others when they would see me like this. So I got used to hiding it so that I wouldn’t lose anyone else” you continued. “I hid it because I just couldn’t bear it if I lost you too” you finished. “Is that why you’ve been dodgin’ me?” He asked, making you hang your head in shame as you nodded in reply. His hand came to yours, grasping it tightly to comfort you the best he could. “It’d take a lot more than that to scare me away, doll. I’m not goin’ anywhere” he said, making you smile appreciatively at him. “You don’t think it’s hideous?” You asked, gesturing to your horns and tail making him chuckle. “I think anyone who does think that is fuckin’ blind” he replied, making you smile at the compliment. “Wait ‘til you see the wings, then you might say otherwise” you added, but with a more playful tone, one that showed you were doing a little better already than you were before. “Try me. Been around a while, seen a lot of shit” he said, making you hum in reply. “I forget you’re old as dirt” you answered mischievously, making him turn to you with an offended look. “Fuck you” he grumbled before resuming drinking his beer, making you laugh and he couldn’t help but soften up at the sound. “Just teasin’” you replied before a moment of comfortable silence fell upon you both once more, his large hand still clasping yours. “Thank you…for not freaking out” you said, feeling him sling an arm around you and pull you into his side, allowing you the chance to rest your head on his shoulder. He didn’t need to verbally reply, the action had spoken enough for you to understand.

“Y’said earlier that Wade wasn’t your type” Logan spoke up in the silence, deciding that if he was to shoot his shot, that now was his best chance. No one else was around, so you could enjoy in the privacy. His statement made you tilt your head to look up at him while still resting on his shoulder. “Still true, way too high maintenance for me” you added, making him quirk a small grin in response as you looked back to the television while you spoke. A beat of tense silence fell between you as he contemplated his next move and what he was going to say. “What is your type then?” He asked bravely but almost trying to sound nonchalant about it as he looked to you, making you shoot him a fang-toothed grin as you looked at him. “Well, if you really want to know. I like the tall, dark and brooding type with scruff, pointed tufts of hair, and claws that come from his knuckles. Extra points if his name is Logan. Know anyone like that?” you answered flirtatiously but honestly, making him chuckle in response. “Think I do actually. Heard he’s an asshole though, you sure that’s the one you want?” he quipped cheekily, making you laugh in response. “Lucky for him, that’s my type. I think he is charming, but don’t tell him I told you that” you teased with a knowing grin as you both finished off your respective drinks before migrating into the kitchen for another round. “How ‘bout you? ‘s only fair you spill your secrets since I’ve spilt mine” You asked, making him chuckle as he trailed not very far behind you. “Figured that one was obvious, sweetheart” he said, the nickname paired with the way he was looking at you with that lopsided grin made you absolutely melt. “Maybe, but it’s more fun when you say it” you replied, wanting to hear it from him, wanting him to acknowledge the tension and confirm what you were hoping was mutual attraction. “I’m all ears” you added, cupping your pointed ears for added effect before turning to grab another bottle of wine from the cabinet as he grabbed another beer. “Fuckin’ brat” he grunted, making you chuckle and hum with intrigue at the dominance in his tone. “Yeah? Gonna do something about it bub?” You challenged as you moved to open your fresh bottle, the alcohol not enough to hinder your decision making, but enough to grant you courage to bite back where you normally wouldn’t. Little did you know, that was the final straw on his restraint.

Next thing you knew, you were being propped up on the kitchen counter, Logan standing between your spread legs as he kissed you fervently. Your arms looped around his neck instantly as he pushed everything off of the surface to allot you the space, not caring for what came crashing off the edge as a result. His large hands roamed your frame feverishly as your claws dug into the material of his shirt, keeping him close against you to show him just how much you wanted this. Scratch that, how much you needed this. The kiss left your head spinning, teeth and tongue clashing together and allowing you both to get a taste of what the other was drinking. His tongue had the bitter tang of beer still resting on it, but with it was the faintest hint of tobacco and smoke. Likely from one of his cigars he enjoyed smoking. It was intoxicating the way he made you feel, and he could say the same thing about you. The taste of sweet wine was never something he took pleasure in, but tasting it from your lips? It was a different experience entirely. “Answer your question, bub?” He asked in a cocky tone, his pupils blown wide with the most feral look in them. “Yeah” you answered as you tried your best to catch your breath, looking up at him with flushed cheeks and growing smile that he swore was the sexiest look anyone has ever given him. “Well what are you doing just standing there? I don’t remember telling you to stop” You teased, pulling him back to you, doing your best to minimize the distance as you pouted for another kiss. He chuckled at your response before diving back down to capture your lips against his, he certainly didn’t need to be told twice.

You both moaned into it as his hands started to untuck then work at unbuttoning your blouse. His need for you proved to outweigh his patience however, because rather than continuing to fumble with the small buttons of your shirt, he decided to rip the pesky fabric open instead. You gasped with excitement as you heard the buttons fly and scatter across the kitchen floor, the idea of him needing you so bad that he would literally tear your clothes off of you sent an excited flutter to your stomach. You couldn’t find it within you to mourn the shirt, not when you needed him more than anything right now. Your skirt rode up your thighs, leaving your lower half just barely covered but he didn’t need to see the wet patch that formed in your panties to know what effect he had on you. He could smell just what he was doing to you, the scent of your arousal coming off of you like the most intoxicating perfume and it made him down right feral for you. His rough hand trailed up the soft, plush skin of your thigh, pushing your skirt up even more as he pulled you up against him. Your fingers tangled in his dark hair, leaving your bodies flush against each other, desperately pawing at one another like two animals in heat. It was clear the aphrodisiac in your saliva had already begun to take effect. His hips brushed against yours, feeling him throb against your soaked cunt even through his jeans and your panties. You moaned at the delicious electricity that soared through you to your clit with each roll of his hips against you. You swore you were in heaven with the feel of him like this alone, thank god no one else was home, you knew you wouldn’t be able to stay quiet if it already felt this good. “Look so fuckin’ good like this, all wrecked from me” he said into your heated kiss, making you giggle with confidence at his compliment. “Yeah? Think I’d look even better with you inside of me” you replied, making him groan as his lips peppered kisses against your neck, soon morphing into small bites just to hear you moan and cling to him desperately for more. “Y’think so?” He asked, making you shake your head yes in response. “Need it. Need you, Lo” was all you could say, your mind already so foggy that you could barely think, much less form proper sentences. “Need it that bad, huh? How d’ you want me to fuck this pretty pussy baby? Can tell she’s been needing some love” He asked, rolling his hips against you once more for extra measure, only teasing you further. You had no idea just how much of a tease this man could be, he really knew all the ways to get you riled up, it was almost unfair. Almost, if it didn’t feel so fucking good. “Bend me over the counter, slam me up against the wall, hell I’d ride you on the couch if you wanted. Don’t give a fuck how it happens, just want you so bad Logan, please…” you admitted, making another low groan leave him in response.

“All those ideas sound good but, sounds a little rushed to me. How ‘bout I take care of you properly?” He asked, his fingers pulling at the sides of your panties to bring them down and off of you as he continued to nip and kiss at your neck. God it had been so long since anyone made you feel like this, you couldn’t help but cover your face with embarrassment. “You don’t have to do that…most people don’t like-“ “I’m not most people, peach” he interrupted, his hands coming to gently pull yours away from your pretty face. “Let me take care of you, show her some love, hmm?” he asked, his lips planting searing kisses at your neck, leaving your eyes to flutter shut as you whined desperately for him. “Please…” you got out the best you could between your soft moans as his lips trailed down your chest, tummy, then your inner thighs as he knelt before you. His hands rested on the outsides of your thighs, keeping them open for him to slot between as he pulled you to the edge of the counter top. He wasted no time diving in for you, his tongue gliding between your folds, teasing your clit and your entrance with the wet muscle. You propped yourself up with your hands, your whole body seeming to arch as you tilt your head back to moan. “Fuck…” was all you could utter between your blissful sounds of pleasure. One of your hands reached down to card through his hair, making him moan into you at the feel of your sharp nails against his scalp. “Taste as sweet as you sound, darlin’. Could sit here and do this for ages” he said, making you bite your lip as your giggle morphed into a moan at the way his tongue circled your clit with expert precision. “Fuck, just might take you up on that in the future- oh!” You panted out as his tongue swirled around your clit and his fingers prodded at your entrance, slowly working you open. He chuckled as your legs opened wider for him, allowing his fingers to reach as deep inside as possible, stretching you open and prepping you for what was to come. “Good girl, takin’ me so well” he praised, making your stomach flutter as you tightened around his fingers. The sounds coming from him were down right debaucherous. From the groans and almost growls at your taste, to the sound of him eating you like you were his last meal he would ever get to enjoy, you both sounded like you were co-stars in a raunchy porno. You weren’t sure if the knot in your stomach was beginning to grow tighter because of how long it had been since you’d had sex, or if he was just that godly with his tongue. Either way, you were already mere moments from toppling over the edge and he could feel it with the way your cunt pulsed around his fingers. “Gonna cum for me sweetheart?” He asked, knowing damn well the answer to that, but hearing it from you made his pride soar. You nodded your head yes, making him grin up at you from between your legs. “Want you to cum on my fingers. C’mon baby, give it to me” he said, curling his fingers to rub them against that spot inside you that had your body on fire. “Fuck, ‘m gonna cum” you warned, throwing your head back with a loud moan as his lips wrapped around your clit, sucking on your sensitive bud and pushing you over the edge. Your wings made their debut as you came, fluttering and shaking as your body was wracked with pleasure. “Good fuckin’ girl, just like that” he talked you through your orgasm, helping you ride it out for as long as possible before you made the descent from cloud nine. “Holy shit…” you panted out, doing your best to catch your breath as he stood back up. “I’ll take that as a compliment” he said with a grin, making you laugh weakly as he began to unbuckle then remove his jeans and underwear. “Please do” you answered before he kissed you once more. “We’re not done yet, darlin’” he said, helping you get rid of the shirt that was barely clinging to you before picking you up and pinning you against the nearest wall.

You weren’t sure how long you’d been pinned there, your bare chest exposed to the cool air, skirt hiked up to your tummy and your legs wrapped around his waist. You had cum two more times already, working your way towards a third. Your body moved with every harsh thrust his hips made, allowing him to watch as your tits bounced and your head fell back against the wall. “Eyes on me, pretty. You can give me one more, can’t you?” he asked, his thumb and pointer finger of his free hand tilting your chin down to fix your gaze on him, making you whimper and nod as you bit your lip before your jaw dropped with a lascivious moan. “There you go, just like that. Wanna hear those pretty sounds and see those eyes on me” he praised, his soft words and kind tone a stark contrast to the way he was fucking into you with reckless abandon. He felt you clench around him and whimper at the praise sent your way, making him give a cocky chuckle. “Y’like being praised darlin? Felt that pussy squeeze me nice ‘n tight” he asked with a grin despite your body already giving him the answer. “Yes! Love it, love it when you praise me” you babbled out, trying your hardest to speak and formulate words that made sense but your voice was quickly betraying you. “Such a sweet thing for me, letting me use you like a fuck toy. There isn’t a single thought in that cute head of yours, is there?” he responded as his hips jack hammered into you at an unforgiving pace, pounding you into the wall so hard that you knew bruises would be there. “‘s okay baby, gonna take good care of you. Gonna make sure she doesn’t go a day without feeling good” he promised, making you whine at the prospect. Your hair was falling from its once neat and tidy bun, your cheeks flushed and chest heaving as pants and moans fell from you in a sinful melody. You were a mess and he fucking loved it because you were all his to ruin. “Fuck, Logan! Oh my god- yes!” You panted, eyes rolling back and fluttering shut momentarily at the feel of him pounding into that spot that had you writhing for him. That spot deep inside you that your fingers could never reach, and you swore you were floating even higher than cloud nine.

Your neck and chest were littered with bruises that marked you as his, from the hickies left behind on your tits that he couldn’t get enough of, to the rough bites into your shoulder and neck as he lost himself in you. Your claws bit into his skin as you held onto him for dear life. He growled each time you would scratch or dig them into his skin, a momentary blissful pain that would disappear as he healed, but only added to the pleasure. You didn’t even care anymore about the dull ache blossoming in your back from being shoved against the wall, or the possible noise complaints from the neighbors, you were so lost in pleasure that you could hardly even remember your own name. His name fell from your tongue like a mantra to a forgotten god, every drag of his cock inside of your gummy walls left you speechless. “Feel so fuckin’ good around me, like she was made for me. Been wanting this for too damn long” he admitted, and if you weren’t so beyond cock-drunk, you’d have been able to properly say the same. “M-Me too- fuck!!” Was all you could utter out between your moans, getting closer and closer to your release. “Yeah? Wonder what dirty thoughts have been roamin’ around about me in that pretty head of yours” he said, making you blush as you thought of all the things you’d fantasized about in the privacy of your own bedroom, all the things you’d wished he would do to you. You watched as his hand traveled to where your bodies were connected, his fingers rubbing circles against your sensitive clit to push you closer to your breaking point. “Think about me playing with her? Think about my fingers taking the place of yours to make you cum as you fuck yourself to the thought of me?” He asked, making you whimper as you looked to him, shaking your head yes in reply. “Fuck, squeezing me so tight. Gonna cum again for me, baby doll?” He asked, and once again he didn’t need a response from you, he could tell by the way your voice got higher in pitch and the way your walls were squeezing him tight that you were right there. “Yes! Gonna cum- fuck, Logan please!” You begged. How could he ever say no to you when you sounded so sweet? “Go ahead doll, cum for me. I’m right there with you” he admitted and you could feel it with the way his hips began to take on a more sporadic rhythm, but his fingers rubbing circles at your clit gave you that last little push you needed to topple over the edge one last time. “Good fucking girl. Look so good cummin’ all over my cock. Fuck, gonna fill this pussy up. Be good and take it all for me, yeah?” he praised, thrusting into you a few more times before reaching his peak with a feral growl. He buried himself deep inside of you, the blissful feeling of him pulsing with each rope of his seed coating your walls making you moan. His movements came to a halt once he was milked of everything he could give you, leaving you to wrap your arms around him and hold him against you as you basked in the after glow.

You both fought to catch your breath as you came down from your highs, his face lifting from the crook of your neck to check and make sure he hadn’t been too rough with you. You smiled up at him, pulling him into a soft kiss. “You alright, bub?” He asked, making you shake your head yes as you looked at him. “Never been better” you replied, making him chuckle as he tried to set you down, but his arm wouldn’t move. You both looked to the wall where his fist sat to anchor his body weight to keep you held up and to not lose his footing and were shocked at the sight. “Shit” he said, pulling his claws from the wall before they sheathed back into his hand, making you giggle. “So much for the security deposit” you quipped, making him laugh. “Hasn’t happened in a long time, sorry doll” he said, thinking that it might have scared you when in fact it had done the complete opposite. “I’m flattered. Not every day that you get to make a handsome mutant so feral from fucking you that his claws get stuck in the wall” you teased, making him chuckle as he kissed you sweetly. “You’d be surprised the things you do to me” he added, making you giggle with interest as he helped you to your feet and helped you clean up. “Here. Sorry I fucked up your clothes” he said, taking his shirt off and giving it to you to cover up with as he pulled his jeans back up and adjusted his belt. You wasted no time slipping it on, discarding the useless remains of your skirt and taking in the smell of his cologne on it. “I’m not” you replied. He couldn’t help the soft smile that came to his lips at the sight of you in his shirt, it fit on you like a night dress. “Could get used to that” he said gruffly, making you smile as you wrapped your arms around his neck once more, getting up on your tip toes to kiss him once more. “Me too” you said sweetly into it, his hands finding your hips beneath his shirt and sighing into the soft, sweet kiss. “Tread carefully, I get worked up easy” you warned, making him laugh. “Fine by me, makes two of us” he replied before taking the kiss down a more heated route.

The sounds of a set of keys rattling in the door was drowned out by your excited giggles and the intimate moment shared between you and Logan as you stood in the kitchen. Your playful giggles and words could be heard from behind the door, making Wade think that the party had already started without him. As the door opened, Wade stepped into his apartment to find quite the opposite. “Pump the breaks party people, your host has arrived!“ he went to say before giving a dramatic gasp at the sight of you and Logan together. His gasp was what brought you both back to reality, and with Logan standing there shirtless, you wearing his shirt, and the dents in the wall, you figured it was obvious to anyone what you were up to. “Shit. Hey Wade” you spoke shyly, a blush tinting your face as you waved at him, making Logan turn to see his roommate was back. “Fuck” Logan said, knowing he would never hear the end of it now. “I see that. Well I was going to say congrats but, seems Wolvie’s adamantium rod beat me to it” Wade said, making you cover your face in shame. “About time, love birds! Didn’t think it would cost me my kitchen, but hey, what are friends for?” He joked, making Logan roll his eyes as he did his best to stand in front of you, shielding you from Wade’s eyes that tend to roam. “The demon outfit’s cool, bet it made for some freaky role-play. Really wish I would’ve gotten a heads up that it was a Halloween party, I’d have been a slutty nun” he continued, only further pissing Logan off. “‘s not a costume, asshole” Logan defended, making you grab his arm to assure him it was okay. “Oh, well look at that, even better. And she didn’t even need to pump you full of aphrodisiacs or sex pollen to get you to boink her brains out, just needed to leave you two in my apartment alone for a while. Funny how that works” Wade replied, making Logan grumble and groan in disdain. It wasn’t the sort of celebration you anticipated, but certainly was a happy ending to a pretty good day.

[1-helluva-hazbin]

Growing Pains

Lucifer x Reader

Content warning: fluff, trust building, slow burn, building communication skills, self improvement, fast proofread (please excuse the errors)

Summary: Lucifer's attempt to bond with you, a newer resident of the hotel, spectacularly backfires. Unable to avoid Lucifer, with an impending sinister catalyst, necessitate a resolution forcing you to work through your avoidance tendencies.

Author Notes: This one shot is on the longer side. Let me know if you think I should have made it 2 chapters or if it works as it is. I also wanted to apologize for the day delay! Yesterday did not go as I had planned.

Word Count: 6183

Thank you for all the love and support you choose to give!

Charlie and Vaggie were sitting and talking in the hotel lobby not too far off from you. Vaggie’s one arm, the one you could see, casually draped over the back of the couch. Her thumb stretched from its resting position, lightly caressing her partner as they talked. A minute affection Charlie didn’t seem to notice in her exuberant excitement. One you couldn’t help but focus on, completely ignoring the book you were looking over. You forced your attention back to the book momentarily before Charlie started laughing. The sound ripped your gaze from the pages back over to the loving couple. Charlie’s hand now on Vaggie’s arm. 

It made the skin on your arm prickle with goosebumps.

“My, my, my, weren’t you ever taught it’s rude to stare?” The accusation startled you from your fixation and you tilted your head to see Lucifer propped from beside you. One eyebrow skyrocketed nearly to his hairline while the over exaggerated smile on his lips seemed to pull painfully tight on his lips as he attempted to playfully exclaim, “It’s almost like you’re plotting something!”

His quip stung, intentionally or not. You had noticed since arriving his method of interacting with other sinners was usually to tease them about sinner-like things; violence, cannibalism, plotting against other people, their drug use. His favorite against you was that you were plotting a scheme, usually against Charlie. Everyone had been slightly wary of you upon your arrival. Charlie had sworn up and down that it would change. That since you always seemed so aloof and standoffish it was just unnerving for some people in the hotel. Including her dad who was trying, in his own way, to connect with all the sinners when he was around. He had a couple thousand years of prejudice to work through but, he was trying!

She had taken to coaching you at every interaction you had with her. Even Vaggie had jumped on board with her encouragement. If one of them said hello and asked how your day was, a simple ‘fine’ wouldn’t suffice. It didn’t encourage bonding! No, you had to elaborate. Tell them what you did that day. Did you learn anything new? What books are you reading? Share with them things about yourself! Ask how their day was. Reference something they previously told you. Have an actual conversation.

 As well intended as they were, it was exhausting. Having gone from almost solitary living for the last century or two -between working in a job where you were almost completely unbothered while living with a single roommate whom you could go days without speaking to- this was a complete 180 and utterly tiring. You didn’t uproot your life to make friends. You had come here to work on redeeming yourself. Get into heaven if it was possible. Which Charlie repeatedly told you included being friendlier, kind, thoughtful, and most importantly selfless. Even if you didn’t necessarily care about everything other people had to say, it was important to still allow them space to be themselves without judgment and make sure they felt heard. That is what would help get you into heaven!

You had noticed as time wore on, begrudgingly so, the tactics she had you practicing had been working. Several of the newer residents had loosened up around you and started conversing with you on a somewhat regular basis. During some of the group exercises where Charlie would tell people to pair up, they had come up to you and suggested you work together. It was just a skill you had let wither that you needed to redevelop. A plant you needed to relocate from shade to sun. 

Whatever analogy you needed to tell yourself you did to prevent yourself from giving up. You came here for redemption after all which meant something needed to change and maybe that was part of it. You wouldn’t have been cast to hell if you had gotten things right.

So as Lucifer loitered beside you, you tried to keep in mind you needed to be better and that this was his way of connecting like Charlie had said. Regardless of how it stung hearing it time and time again. This was just practice. More draining practice. “I’m not plotting anything sir.” you said, closing the book in your hands before setting it down to make sure he knew he had your attention. Now what though? 

You wracked your mind for what to say next. Charlie said to be honest with people. How do you explain to him why exactly you were staring? That you had started craving physical touch again since coming here. That after having gone years without  brushing against anything other than the books you worked with, that having Charlie clasp your hands when she was excited or Angel throwing an completely unwarranted arm over your shoulders when he wanted to use you as a prop for his dramatics, those simple actions had suddenly rekindled your human, well sinner, desire for contact. How pathetic would that make you look? How weak? Then to have been caught fixated on them, desperate to live vicariously momentarily.

“I was just…” you drawled. The idea of telling the truth set your face ablaze in embarrassment. You couldn’t bring yourself to say the truth. You looked over at the couple settling on your answer. “...admiring their relationship.” 

He openly laughed, playing along with his original story, “Mmmmhm. If you say so~~.”

A combination of frustration and disappointment washed over you. Completely incinerating any trace of the embarrassment you have felt over the real reason why you had been staring. Hearing him happily hum as he sauntered over to Charlie not believing an ounce of what you said regardless of your lack of ill will towards the princess. If he was only joking, why was it the same barb over and over? Why were you the one he continuously chose to make that specific joke with? It really didn’t feel like a joke anymore. 

You looked down at your book trying and failing to speedily process your emotions. You heaved yourself up turning to leave. Not wanting to exist in other people’s presence anymore. Too emotionally taxed.

Wrapped up in your own feelings and thoughts you missed Lucifer glancing back at you. You missed the jarred skip of his step as he caught sight of the haggard expression during your momentary unmasking. You missed the fact he stopped walking all together as you slipped from the room.

You quickly found shelter in the sanctity of your room. Recharging the rest of the evening cocooned in the fuzziest blankets you had, that you made sure always smelled of orange and cinnamon, buried in the book you had just gotten. As the evening slipped into night though, you slipped from your room and made your way down the hall needing a small break from the confines of your quarters before heading to sleep. Because despite your exhaustion, you enjoyed a little fresh air before bed.

Living on the second to top floor had its downsides; like being closer to Alastor’s studio or hiking up the seemingly endless number of stairs. You personally felt it had more perks though. One of the best upsides being a small balcony with a cafe styled table and chairs. Later in the evening when a good number of the residents had either retired to their room for the evening or were still out partying, there was a blissful window of time where there was little risk of running into some else. So you would make your way to the balcony and sit looking out over the city.

Disconnected but present.

You pulled one of the chairs next to the railing so the back of the seat was at a 90 degree angle to the railing. Plopping yourself down, you perched yourself in the seat with both feet up. One arm rested on the railing so as you leaned forward, your belly pressing into your legs, your chin and cheek resting on your arm rather than the cool metal. A few adjustments here and there quickly remedied any qualms your body had with the positioning and finally you were nestled in. The final signal of settling a small decompressing huff.

The usual sights and sounds greeted you. Your eyes scanning for any changes or immediate drama to observe from your box seat above the masses. Angel Dust and Husk walking away from the hotel caught your eye. Angel talking with his whole body as Husk just shook his head in amusement. Angel suddenly buckled over laughing before reaching out to place a hand on Husk’s shoulder to steady himself.

The skin on your shoulder prickled and you involuntarily shiver. You look away from them too little too late. The ache for contact instantaneously tearing at you from the inside. The arm wrapped around yourself tightened in a futile attempt to ease the ache, already knowing from experience it wouldn’t work. You buried your face in your arms contemplating just going back to your room to lose yourself in the book that had occupied your warring mind earlier.

A click sounded from behind you making your head shoot up to see a bashful appearing Lucifer holding the door open. He gave a lopsided grin, gingerly pointing to the second seat, “Do you… mind if I join you?” 

You blinked a couple of times, staring at him. Immediately wary of his presence. The lingering silence dragged on, making him shuffle anxiously before you gave permission with a curt nod. You directed your attention back out towards the city despite being hyper aware of him.

A quivering laugh slipped from his lips as he stepped out a little too close for your liking, admittedly the size of the balcony was intended to be intimate, and closed the door behind him as he sat down in the seat across from you. He immediately stretched out, slipping his legs through the railings, putting one elbow on the table between the two of you. “Not a bad view from up here. If you ignore most of the gun shots and ‘fuck you’s’ it can be pretty enjoyable.” He shot a sideways glance over to feel out your reaction at his attempted small talk.

“Yeah it is.”

 The city sounds echoed between the two of you. Distant conversations filling the void that the two beings right there were unable, or unwilling, to fill. He nervously laughed, his fingers drumming on the table. You looked over to him this time. Seeing his eyes flittering from object to object unable to choose 1 thing to look at.

Quickly, his drumming fingers started to grate against your already worn nerves and tired mind. Unable to bare whatever this was any further, you attempted to excuse yourself as you started to stand. “It’s late. I’m heading to-”

“No! Wait! Wait!” he sat up from his faux relaxed pose holding out both hands. “Just… hold on.” he breathed out yet another quivering laugh, the panic shining brightly in his eyes as you bore into him with yours. 

He took a deep breath. He looked away, mentally giving himself a small pep talk before he looked back. “I wanted to talk. About earlier.”

“I’m tired….” you admit as you stood there looking down at him. His nervous grin and hopeful eyes making your resolve to run buckle. “What about earlier?” you ask, easing back into your seat placing both hands of your clasped on the table.

“Thank you.” he said before beginning to explain. “When you were leaving the lobby,” he specified, making a circle motion with one of his hands, “you looked, well, upset.”

“I looked upset.” you repeated.

He slowly nodded. His next words said slowly and carefully, “I was… wondering if it was something I did? Or said?” he paused before further clarifying, “I wanted you to tell me why.”

You scoffed. Perhaps it was the unroofing of a metaphorical wound his joke had made. Perhaps because you were tired. It could have also been a combination or something completely unrelated. Regardless, you were unable to hold back the venomous sarcasm that slipped from you, “Well I can’t imagine why.” Lucifer’s eyes widened, the reaction only egging you on. “It’s like constantly being judged for something you didn’t and wouldn’t do isn’t upsetting.”

Lucifer stared blankly, “What?” 

“Oh you’re plotting against Charlie I see?” your voice lowered in a pathetic attempt to mimic the king. “How many times did you think you’d get away with making the same joke before I realized you clearly meant it? That you’re genuinely suspicious I’m out to hurt Charlie?”

“I didn’t-”

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m not out to get her? I like Charlie! She’s kind! She’s thoughtful! Yeah she’s irritatingly persistent but, she needs to be.”

You had started to dig your nails into your own clasped hands in your flurry of emotions unable to reign them in. You took a breath, realizing you needed to step away from this conversation. You stood up just as Lucifer found his voice. “I never meant for it to be an accusation. It was meant to be a joke.” You felt your emotions spike again, your jaw clenching, as he continued, “I saw you staring at them an-”

“Because I’m TOUCH STARVED!” the words were out of your mouth before you could consider what you were saying, “I saw them giving one another affection and was just so envious! I just stared! I didn’t mean to, I-” You glanced up to him to  find a look of confusion, twisting with what you interpreted as disgust, on Lucifer’s face that made your train of thought grind to a halt to reevaluate why his expression was so. Your mind finally processing your admission. “I just…” A hand slowly lifted to lightly cover your mouth, your eyes widening.

“What now?” he asked, the confusion deepening in the expression of his face. A raised eyebrow. A lopsided frown. The slight tilt of his head.

Your face started burning, chest tightening. It instantly became hard to breathe. Panic. You were panicking at the vulnerability you had just bared. Anger melded with embarrassment in the midst of your anxiety. You bristled, launching into an unneeded defense. “You know what, I don’t need to fucking explain myself to you.” You turned, throwing the door to the balcony open, practically running back to your room. Anything he might have said behind you drowned out by your panicked thoughts.

A sleepless night followed. Unable to calm your mind, it ran in circles in your head; justification of your outburst, realizing you completely blew it all out of proportion, getting angry that you had allowed such a vulnerability to air so freely, fear of what Lucifer might do with the information or who he might tell, embarrassment at being so weak, anger at the conversation having happened, before feeling defensive again to repeating the looping train of thought. As the day’s light started to breach the veil of night, only then did you finally slip into unconsciousness utterly spent. 

The next few days were spent dodging Lucifer which was relatively easy since you were simultaneously also attempting to fix your wrecked sleep schedule.  When you were going to sessions though, you did your best to preemptively vacate any areas when you heard Lucifer approaching or avoided areas you knew he would be in. The change in behavior had mostly been easy to truthfully explain to Charlie as well when you boiled down the scenario into the simplest of terms. You had gotten upset about something and had ended up not sleeping well. While she of course wanted to know the whole situation to help you navigate it in any way she could, she was respectful, admittedly a little pouty, when you said it was something you weren’t ready to talk about. Not having to lie to her made you feel a little better since you missed quite a few of her group exercises. 

While many of the residents didn’t care or hadn’t found the change to be too out of place, when paired with your explanation, it didn’t slip the careful eye of Alastor. The first day it had seemed to catch his attention but, by the second day he had taken a keen interest in your antics. When you would try to slip out before Lucifer would come into a room, he would stop you to talk about your participation in the session. Once he told you Charlie wanted to speak with you and then took you into a room where Lucifer and Charlie were talking, only for him to have misheard Charlie’s request. While he framed his actions as innocent and well intended, you had never seen the grin on Alastor’s face as wide as it was. It was unnerving. 

By the fourth day, you weren’t just paranoid about running into Lucifer. Alastor’s newest hobby had seemed to become tormenting you and his questions and conversations had become probing. Feeling out cracks in your story. At one point he had even told you he was all ears for any issues you might have with other residents or guests. 

Having lived through his rise to power, you knew there was no good to come from exposing yourself to such a machiavellian individual. You wouldn’t put it past him to worm a deal out of anyone, even as lowly you. An expendable pawn was still a piece to play and he was one to look at the bigger picture. 

At that point, you garnered enough gumption to face Lucifer. You couldn’t risk getting caught under Alastor’s thumb and the idea of him knowing you were touch starved and how that could be held against you igniting a spike of anxiety. You knew Lucifer and Alastor were not on good terms but, the idea of word getting to Alastor was distressing. You loathed the idea of facing Lucifer but you needed to ensure your blunder remained under wraps. This was for self preservation at this point.

Towards the end of the day, you sequestered yourself to your room to prepare; plan key points you wanted to discuss, how you wanted to phrase things, etc. You knew you couldn't lose your head again, considering how the prior incend had led to the current circumstances. After an hour or so though, you felt ready. 

You made your way to the top floor, taking extra precautions to avoid running into Alastor potentially heading to his studio. Once certain Alastor was not loitering about or following you, you made your way down the hallway towards Lucifer's room. You focused on your breathing as you trekked the hall. Attempting to quell your anxiety and slow your racing heart, to no avail. By the time you reached his door, your pulse was thrumming in your ears and you were certain he would be able to hear it too.

You stood before his door paralyzed. Both hands clenched at your side. Unable to stop the tremble that plagued them. Your eyes locked onto the perfect white presetine door as if trying to bore holes through it. Your breathing uneven. All the words you had practiced having evaporated from your head as you made your way there.

This was a mistake.

You pivot. Hurriedly, retreating.

Halfway back towards the stairs your eyes register Alastor's studio door and the terror that drove you to the point resurface. You halted. Your hands flew to your head in a silent temper tantrum as your mind raced to determine what would be the lesser evil. A sense of urgency gnawing at you considering you were standing dead center in the hallway of a barren floor.

What was worse; not knowing if Lucifer might reveal what you had said, accidentally or intentionally, with everyone including Alastor potentially finding out or turning around and confronting Lucifer?

The first concern was all just a possibility though wasn't it? There was no guarantee that it would happen. Talking to Lucifer wouldn't guarantee that he wouldn't spill your secret either. You let out a soft, maniacal sounding laugh as you took a step forward only to stop again. A possibility that would weigh on you for weeks to months leading to you lurking around the hotel, as you had been, haunting the place. Harrowed by the uncertainty at every turn.

"FFFUuuuucccckkk..." you groaned softly. Your palms sliding down your forehead pressing into your eyes. You needed to confront Lucifer. The realization making your stomach churn. You couldn't continue dodging him and you couldn't outrun the fear. You turned resting your back against the wall, your hands on your knees as you bent over mentally recollecting yourself. You went through what you had gone over before in your room. Reminding yourself of the key points. 

You sighed and brought your palms to your eyes again. Slowly breathed out. Pulling your hands from your eyes, you launched off the wall propelling you back towards Lucifer's room. The momentum only lasting a few steps before freezing again. 

"Heeeey, as entertaining as this pantomiming is, and it's a great performance, I would appreciate getting access to my room sometime tonight."

Your face blanched as a shiver slipped down your spine. You slowly turned to see Lucifer standing behind you. Both hands perched on the apple of his cane and a practiced smile on his lips. One eyebrow raised, almost lost beneath the rim of his hat, as he watched you tentatively turn towards him.

Instantly you straightened yourself and stepped aside. "Good evening." your voice was dry and hoarse. 

"Yup. Good evening." he chirped back, unmoving. Your eyes were locked onto a spot on the floor, your mind utterly blank. As the seconds drew on, his smile tensed as he nervously waited for you to do...something? His fingers drummed on his cane. "Well... if the performance is over I'll be heading to my room. Have a good night!" He looked away awkwardly and started on his way.

A quick glance at his back got the gears in your brain working. What were you doing? He was right there. You were screwing it up. "Wait...wait! Lucifer…" It was soft, but loud enough for him to hear. He slowed and turned looking back. 

"I..." Your eyes meeting made you want to run. The idea of having this conversation replusing you. You pushed off the wall and walked over towards him, fighting the urge to flee. "Are you free? I-...I would like to apologize and talk. About the other day?" Your face felt flushed.

Lucifer shuffled and gently smiled which was unnerving. It was a smile you had only ever seen reserved for Charlie and Vaggie. "Don't you think it's rather late? It would be a little unproductive if we had a repeat of last time."

The comment struck a nerve considering it was earlier in the day than when he had approached you. It must have shown on your face as his smile dropped paired with your response. "That's fine. We can talk tomorrow."

"Unless, you're not tired?" he asked, putting his nervous smile back on and laughing anxiously, "We could have a cup of tea this time. Chamomile perhaps?"

You hesitated but, then nodded. "That would be nice."

He nodded, as he started towards his room onto the spin around. "Ah! You're comfortable talking in my room right? I wouldn't want to make an assumption! We could certainly talk on the balcony again if you prefer!" 

"Uh, somewhere private is preferred so your room is fine." You respond bluntly, his nervous energy deflating. He nodded once more, his grip on his cane as tight as a vice. 

The two of you made your way to his room; him leading with you trailing after. His room was surprisingly clean though you couldn't help but notice a small work area over to the left of the door with two piles of perhaps 50 or so rubber ducks. He had noticed your gaze and eagerly redirected you over towards the windows where he had a little cushioned bench seat perched below. As you settled into the seat, Lucifer got two tea cups ready with a snap of his fingers.

He carried them over to you with practiced care and gingerly handed one off to you before he sat down as well. You took the cup, admiring the beautiful and intricate abstract design on it, before lightly blowing on it and taking a sip. 

"Sooooo..." he drawled, having quickly taken a sip from his cup as well, "before you start, there is something I wanted to bring up if that's alright." Your eyes flick to his, his expression a mask utilizing his usual smile. You nod, making sure he saw before he proceeded,"I need you to explain to me what you meant by 'touch staved'."

You gawked at him. You hadn’t heard what you thought you just heard. “What?”

Lucifer blinked before looking a little frantic and blurting out, “I know what it means! Of course I know what it means. I’m the king of hell. I’m not so wildly out of touch that I don’t!” he laughed looking out the window before taking a sip of his tea, “I’ve also heard it can mean different things to different people. So I want to know what it means. To you! I want to know what it means to you.”

He finally looked back to you taking another sip of his tea, already halfway through his small porcelain cup. Meanwhile, you felt like you were short circuiting sitting across from him. Not only had you spent the last few days fretting and dodging the angel, worrying that he would tell people what you said, but now he was asking you to spell it out for him. Was he….messing with you? You studied him before he gave you a toothy grin coyly purred out, “So?”

It didn’t seem like he was messing with you. Something like this was more Angel Dust’s style of teasing. You mimic Lucifer by taking a sip of your tea for a slight delay. You carefully set the teacup down on the windowsill next to you and place your hands in your lap. “I need you to promise me you’ll never tell anyone.”

“And why would I do that?” He asked. He was messing with you now though you were in no mood for it.

You narrowed your eyes at him and stated as matter of factly as you could despite wanting to spit venom defensively, “I’m not untouchable like you. We’re in HELL. Anything and everything can be used against you by the wrong people. I can’t end up having someone use anything I say here against me.” 

His facade softened and his smile dropped into a frown. He brought the teacup up to his lips and muttered something into the chamomile. “No one is  untouchable…”

You heard him say something but, hadn't been able to make it out so you remained quiet.

“I promise to never tell another soul.” he finally sighed.

“On Charlie’s life?” you asked, knowing he could still share what was said as there was no magic binding him. You needed to know just how serious he was though and Charlie was usually a good indicator. His eyes flashed red and they narrowed at you. You held firm, keeping eye contact and straightening your spine.

“On my life. No reason to bring Charlie into this.” he leaned back, his eyes fading back to their normal golden hue.

You hesitated to accept but relented with a nod. Knowing you had to accept the compromise he offered but, you did feel satisfied that he wouldn’t share what was said. You started thinking about where to begin. As you contemplated, you felt your face heat in embarrassment. He watched, patiently biding his time as he lightly tapped the rim of his teacup with a claw topping it off with more tea.

“For me…” you looked him, locking eyes. The embarrassment clawing through you. The intensity making you panic. Your eyes darted away. Finding a spot on the floor to stare at again so you could think with even a fraction more clarity. “For me it means I… I …miss…touch.”

You glanced up to him, to see the sight raise of an eyebrow. Your mind started churning with worst case scenarios and suddenly your face burned hotter. You looked away again.

“Not sexual!” The words spit out, not wanting any uncomfortable undertones to the conversation. “It’s just… simple touch. Like hugging. Lightly having someone put their hand on my shoulder. Even just bumping into people. Any sort of skin contact makes me want more and afterwards that’s all I want. It takes days for that to calm down and since being here… that’s usually around the time something else happens. It’s a never ending cycle.”

He listened, his face remaining neutral as you spoke and he remained silent for a beat after you finished. You rubbed your arm. Between talking about the topic and your nerves, there was a compulsion to do something with your hands. He broke the silence, “The other day when we had our…falling out, you had been watching Charlie and Vaggie because you saw them touching one another? That is why you mentioned being envious?”

You nodded, closing your eyes as you took a breath in an attempt to calm yourself.

He smiled. His fingers rubbing the edge of his teacup as he gazed into it. He knew those feelings all too well. “That…makes sense.” You open your eyes to look at him, noticing the look on his face. He noticed your movement and looked up to you, giving a lopsided smile.

Lilith had been absent for 7 years.

Your eyes widened at the possibility and dared to pose the question, “You too?”

Lucifer stiffened a moment, took a breath and nodded. “Yes. Even I have those days.”

He took a sip of his tea and looked out the window. You picked yours back up and mimicked his action.

“I’m sorry…” you said after a few minutes of what you felt was relatively comfortable silence. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you the other day. It wasn’t fair. I was tired and already feeling…exposed? Hmm…sensitive is probably a better word…”

“Regardless, I knew I was tired. I should have asked to shelve the conversation once I realized it wasn’t something I couldn’t handle right then and there. I’m also sorry for not actually hearing you out once you started since I didn’t ask to stop. I’d like to try discussing it again if you’re willing.”

You spoke while looking out the window. Seeing him shift his attention to you from your peripherals you keep your eyes trained to elsewhere. After you finished, you turned slightly to look at him from the corner of your eye.

The conversation that followed supplied far better results than the last. He clarified how all of his barbs had been an attempt to be playful since he didn’t know you well but, understood how hearing it over and over had manifested as a passive aggressive accusation on your end. You apologized for having taken it that way and not properly addressed the issue before it started to fester as anger. The compromising being he wouldl stop trying to interact with you in that way with the caveat being if he slipped up or tried something new that you didn’t appreciate, you would address it before resentment could build.

At the end, the both of you  sat on the bench sipping the last of your tea looking out at the city. At some point, Lucifer had opened one of the windows. A light caress of warm wind slipped in scattering goosebumps up your arms despite it not being cold and you brought a hand up to rub them, hoping they rescinded quickly.

Lucifer’s eyes slid to the motion. “So how long has it been since you had, I guess, consistent contact with someone?” 

You blinked, thinking about it. “A couple decades.”

“Decades?” he gasped out. He realized just how loud he had been and he coughed with a smile to cover up his reaction. “I mean. Decades. That’s… awhile.”

“Yeah, well…” uncertain on if he was genuinely surprised at the length of time or found it underwhelming and was being sarcastic, you weren’t entirely sure what to make of his reaction. “Most sinners don’t bother with libraries. The hellborn who do, don’t want to interact with a sinner and avoided me, opting for one of the other hellborns working. So I got left alone most of the time.”

You shrugged your shoulders and turned your attention back out the window. Thinking about it now, it hadn’t bothered you then. You suppose you might have just been ignoring that downside though. It had always been easy to check yourself out emotionally and just get through what needed to be done. Not contemplating what you wanted or what could be. Only focused on what was.

“Has…” you start and then stop, wondering if you should ask. You glance over to him seeing he hadn’t redirected his attention to you. “How long has it been for you?”

“Consistently?” he asked as he pondered the question he had posed to you. “A decade? Maybe a little longer. Lilith and I…” his eyes roamed down to his ring. “We had more downs than ups well before she left but I still got some affection in between when we had a good stretch.

A sad tone had seeped into his voice. He gently rubbed the ring with his middle finger, a sense of melancholy filling the room. You watched. Never having had an extended relationship with someone before, you couldn't pretend to imagine the feelings that lingered. You took a breath and then scooted over on the bench seat pulling him from his thoughts. You extended an open hand to him. He stared. He hesitated before slowly reaching out, his decision wavering for a split second before he placed his hand in yours. 

You gently took hold of his hand and looked back out the window. He was far warmer than you had expected him to be. His skin soft. You sighed softly feeling far less unsettled by the sensation than you had thought, regardless of how intimate the action could be seen. It was mindless for you as your thumb began to lightly caress the back of his hand. Lucifer fidgeted next to you, though he didn’t retract his hand.

You weren’t sure how long the two of you sat there. The sounds of the city echoing off the walls of his room with hell’s consistent warm breeze enveloping the two of you in wave after wave. Each of you basking in the warmth of the other, no matter how little it was. It wasn’t until you noticed Lucifer starting to nod off that you smiled and squeezed his hand.

His eyes fluttered open to find you looking at him with a bemused smile. The softest you had looked at him to date. “You’re tired.” 

“I’m not.” he mumbled, a well timed yawn slipping from his lips. You raised a brow with his response being a ‘tsk’ noise.

You slowly, reluctantly, pull your hand from his before pushing yourself to a stand. A stretch had a few of your joints popping. “Would be an awful idea to fall asleep like that.” 

He stood next to you with a noncommittal hum. As you reached for your cup and saucer, a snap of his fingers dispensed of both his and yours. You nod at him before you look over towards the door and then back to him. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. That kind of magic is thoughtless to me.” he said, misinterpreting your meaning.

“I meant for talking things over and spending your evening with me.” 

He burbled out a laugh. “Oh well don’t mention that either. Literally. Don’t mention this to anyone. I have a reputation to uphold. King of hell and all.” he grinned at you with his characteristic saccharine smile.

“An exchange of secrets then?” You asked, entertaining a little bit of his playfulness. 

“Ah, still worried about me spilling the beans?” he asked, walking you to the door. “An exchange then. I won’t share yours if you don’t share mine.”

“Deal.” The response was quick and sharp. He opened the door and you stepped through the threshold, pausing and turning around. “Thank you again. I… enjoyed this. Most of this anyway.”

“My pleasure.” his hand did several circle motions as he performed a mock half bow. 

You rolled your eyes at his dramatics. “Goodnight Lucifer.” you say beginning to head off before you add, “Let me know if you would like to do something like this again. A tea time or something. I’ll make sure to keep it drama free.”

He grinned leaning against his door frame. “I’d enjoy that.”

[frokenkeke]

Making of Ashes to Ashley

Recently I posted my comic Ashes to Ashley, and got such a tremendously kind and loving response that I felt like sharing a little bit more about where it came from.

The story is about a transgender awakening, where the quiet and somber Ash explodes out of the closet as the loud and colorful Ashley. This was always the plan, however the details changed along the way. Quite quickly I realized that I was writing about myself and my own trans journey. I never played in a band and I don't imagine I'll ever grow bunny ears (sadly), but still Ashley is undoubtedly a reflection of myself. I just allowed life to become a stage and gender performance a rock concert.

Above are the first idea doodles I drew late at night in early April. I quite enjoyed giving Ashley lipstick and prominent eye shadow, since I hadn't ever done a character like that before. The idea was a bit of exaggerated femininity that accidentally becomes raw punk expression. One or two people have pointed out the Um Jammer Lammy similarities, and they are absolutely not coincidental. Initially I imagined Ashley would've been more reluctant about her transformation, which is why she looks a bit more annoyed in some of my sketches, but the story became more bright and funny if it was made immediately clear that this all happens off of her own volition.

Some method and color tests. My girlfriend suggested I instead go a lot more raw with it, which is why I ended up adamantly using an ugly sponge brush built into Photoshop. Sapphic Disaster are some form of punk-shoegaze band, so combining rough pencil linework with crunchy texture coloring felt like a fitting visual representation of them. This also side-stepped the biggest problems I've always had with drawing comics – dealing with inking is a boring waste of time, and working digitally always makes me fixate on perfection. By just using pencil on paper I had to stick with whatever errors couldn't be saved by a regular eraser, in fact I dedicated myself to only using an old worn down Bic mechanical pencil and embraced the idea that the comic would consistently look a bit off and amateurish. Of course I allowed myself the luxury of cleaning up my drawings digitally before coloring, but that can only take you so far. This way of working helped me make fast progress and kept each step engaging, I've never had as much fun drawing a comic as I had with Ashes to Ashley.

Here's a before and after from initial scan to finished panel. I often only tidy up around focal points like faces or hands, and allow the rest to remain as it is, usually parts like the legs or Ashley's ears.

Character references and my initial color picks, they went through small changes as I went along. I liked giving all the band members different sorts of rabbit ears to make them all look distinct from each other.

Here's some ideas for the Sapphic Disaster band logo and the comic's color palette, notice how Ashley is more vibrant than Ash.

While working I filled up numerous papers with doodles trying to workshop panels and layouts. It's too much to show all of them here, so I composed a few collages of my favorites.

It was pivotal for me that Ash would always look painfully cute. The sketch of the table scene with Floyd shows a rare out-of-character confident and laid-back Ash. In the presence of Floyd?! Never!

I was very concerned about the reader recognizing the old Ash when first seeing Ashley. She may be all excited about being a girl, but her nervous cluelessness remains. I ended up going back and redrawing two panels in Ashley's introduction to strengthen this impression.

For those not in the know, shoegaze is a rock subgenre that centers around noisey guitar textures, typically achieved through heavy use of effect pedals at the musicians feet; hence the name. When Ashley plays her guitar she produces a cacophony of strange sounds, the reader will have to imagine what they actually sound like, but I always imagined their opening number "I Wanna Be a Girl" to sound like a couple of amateurs trying to recreate Lush's Blackout.

The page where the band go around looking for Ashley while she's receiving her makeover was shoehorned in at a later stage for pacing purposes. That's why Gabriel is suddenly back to pulling cords after previously claiming they're all set, oops!

One of the core rules to this story is that everyone is always overly supportive of Ashley's transition no matter what. This is what makes the otherwise stern and serious Floyd especially funny, my girlfriend was pivotal in sprucing up his dialogue, adding bits like "have you seen the health care waiting lists?, "I know an endocrinologist who owes me a favor or two" and "give me 35% more danger"

Towards the end I discovered that Ashley and Debbie dancing was apparently the most important panel in the entire comic, judging by how much I tried to perfect it. (For the record, my favorite panel is when Ashley screams into the microphone that she wants to be a girl.) Maybe Ashley and Debbie dancing should've replaced the final full-page panel? Well, we got a lot of cute doodles out of it regardless. Just kiss already!

Initially I imagined Ashley to be standing alone in the "could this be the real me" final panel, but I realized her odd family of friends was equally a part of the real her. She was always right where she needed to be, she just needed to find herself within that place. (I ended up giving Ashley a cigarette because otherwise it looked like she was praying.)

Here are some ideas for the cover illustration, of course in 1:1 format to look like an album cover. Up until last minute I planned for the comic to have You Made Me Realize as its subtitle to distinguish it from eventual follow-ups, which is why the You Made Me Realize EP cover art is paraphrased in the top-middle. I ended up just going with Ashes to Ashley to keep it clean and simple. The title Ashes to Ashley was blurted out immediately by my girlfriend when I first showed her my concepts for the story. It's perfect, she's perfect.

I drew two Ashes and two Ashleys for the cover art and let my fingers smudge all over the latter. While most obviously riffing on the cover for My Bloody Valentine's Loveless, it's equally taking from the Ecstasy of Saint Theresa's Pigment.

And there you have it.

However I never intended this to be the full extent of Ashley's story, just a satisfying and complete end of a chapter. I've already finished writing the next story, Today Forever, and I hope I can get it out to you all soon enough. Your love for Ashley keeps me going.

/Kiki

[besaya-glantaya]

While the previous exorcism was fairly sucessful, new brain gremlins appear with repeated rewatches. So, here's another incomplete list of my rambling thoughts and favourite moments from the Red White and Royal Blue movie:

1. Breaking doors down to get a wedding cake through - actually a thing that happened. Well, almost. Prince William and Kate Middleton's gigantic 8-tier wedding cake was so large a palace door had to be removed to allow it through. Apparently the Queen was "unimpressed".

2. Henry snubbing Alex in the reception line at the wedding is hilarious. Way to ensure Alex doesn't fixate on you for the whole party, Henry. A+ job.

3. Alex drunkly navigating the wedding reception, swiping drinks, petting rich people and hiding foul smelling canapés behind furniture. Adorably comedic.

4. HeNnrrYyy!

5. Aww. I wanna see pictures of Jonathan the Shih Tzu too.

6. Shaan's scathingly dry wit is everything - I can see why he's such a great match for Zahra.

7. "No-one is more mystified than I" is another phrase I am stealing for people who exist purely to vex me.

8. Shaan shoving Alex bodily through the low hanging branches of a chestnut tree to stand beside Henry for a photo op. That had to be at least partially improvised on location.

9. Dogs in jumpers. This must be some British thing that I have simply failed to notice. Is this a thing Americans associate with the UK?

10. The ridiculously small child's costume that Alex is wearing for the puppet show in the hospital.

11. Alex saying "WRONG!"

12. Henry, on the phone, opening with "Good God, man, what have you done?" Honestly, is there any other response when your crush sends you a picture of a caged turkey, in their bedroom, in the small hours of the morning?

13. Nora strutting into the NYE party in that head turning, jaw dropping, red outfit. Stunning.

14. Henry's face after Alex tells him he's going to do "very bad things to him". Every single fantasy he's ever had about him and Alex is flashing rapid-fire through his brain and he just... overloads a lil' bit. Error code 54 [NETWORK_BUSY].

15. The emotional connection between Alex and Henry when they are making love in Paris. The eye contact, the unspoken communication. Ugh. Hats off to all involved - especially Robbie Taylor, the movie's intimacy coordinator - for creating this scene.

16. Alex, talking about being someone his father never had: "You can't know what that means." Henry responding with a heartfelt "I'm learning". Just... yes. All the yes.

17. In the mood for love might be one of the swooniest movies of all time, but it's heartbreakingly sad. It's a doomed romance - two people who are irrevocably in love but can't be together, trapped as they are by the pressures of societal expectations and their own psychological barriers. That this is a version of romance that Henry holds dear is telling and painful to think about.

18. Alex's bloodshot eyes when he's laying on his bed with Nora, hugging that cushion for dear life, pining hard for Henry. Did they do that scene after another intense emotional one? Were there lots of other teary takes of that same scene? Did they rub onions in Taylor's eyes? I need to know.

19. I often think that the core of who we are as teenagers - our hopes, our desires, the things we cherish - are the beings we settle back into as older adults after we're done trying to fit in or live up to other people's expectations. One of Alex's greatest gifts is helping Henry to reach out and reclaim those seemingly distant hopes and dreams. To dance with the person he loves, in a place of beauty that brings him peace.

20. I love the Perfume Genius cover of "Can't help falling in love". It hits you squarely in the feels.

21. God, the casting of this movie was a stroke of genius. Taylor and Nicholas truly become Alex and Henry on screen.

22. On the private air-field: Henry's little overwhelmed smile when Alex squeezes him in the tightest hug and tells him, "I love you, I'll be as patient as you need."

23. Immediately after 22, Alex leaning in for a kiss goodbye but pulling back quickly as he reads Henry's discomfort. Alex might not always understand Henry's reasons but (if he's paying attention), he's so very good at reading Henry's needs and responding to them.

24. In the aftermath of the email leak, Alex has been "hanging in there" - he's had people supporting him, with agency over how to respond. But Henry is understandably not OK - he's been put back in his box, and the Firm has taken over in all matters. There's one scene where you can see Henry shrinking, literally making himself take up less space at the table.  Poor baby.

25. Zahra to the rescue. Truly the MVP.

[venbetta]

The "Golden Child" Headcanon (Glamrock Freddy)

Something I've constantly based my interpretation of Freddy on is him being the golden child of Glamrock era. (Mixed with the pyromaniac Freddy hc)

For those curious, golden child syndrome is "One who is favored or the favorite (in a family, on a team, at work, etc.), often held in high esteem by others, and for whom there are high hopes"

I thought it fit him pretty well. It's not canon. It's my hc/portrayal of him... with no Michael Afton influence involved.

Enjoy

____________________________________________

Fazbear Entertainment have always been under fire for the decades of failed franchises and establishments, following the grizzly tales of child murders, conspiracy, and corporate corruption. Along with technological malpractice, injuries, negligence and many other violations under the sun.

With the new Mega Pizzaplex underway, they might as well have slapped a new coat paint against the many dozen layers of past mistakes.

The well known iterations of Freddy Fazbear have always shifted through the times, but he's the face of the company, so it's great to make him both recognizable and a role model for all children. Every Freddy that's been made almost had a paternal facet to them, some more than others.

Glamrock Freddy was no different, only rocking the glamrock aesthetic and based on the late singer Freddie Mercury.

His design was simple yet his build was far more advanced than any of his predecessors, and due to the company's tendency of shrouding the past, they wanted to make him even more inviting.

The usual coding followed a similar format with permanent traits:

Optimistic, passive, charismatic, and committed, to name a few.

These traits are what made Glamrock Freddy “Freddy Fazbear”, or at least a modern version of him.

The company wanted these traits to be followed to a T, not wanting incidents from the past occurring the same way. While they wanted their other glamrock stars to strive, their focus on the main attraction caused some shortcomings in managing the cast.

Overlooking some programming errors and disregarding the less than desirable traits given to the other mascots.

Because of their fixation on Freddy, the others suffered.

The company perfected Freddy's programming and wanted nothing but that from him. Anything less would result in disciplinary measures or “bug fixes” to make sure he knew how to work properly.

Freddy's optimism was overbearing to the point that it felt unnatural and forced. His general disposition was the friendly front man, but in the confines of his room, he was aware of his lack of independence.

Some companions, like Chica and Bonnie, although we're programmed relationships, he leaned on them as his lifeline. Most of his bandmates meant a lot to him, as they were all made under the same creators that have each of them life and sentience.

Seeing children happy was another thing that kept him going, knowing he was created specifically for the joy of children.

However, a single mistake or flaw in a performance could cause him to internally spiral and shut down. When that happens, Freddy retreats to a charging station or his greenroom to contemplate his actions. Even when nothing happened, he couldn't help but be rattled, on edge knowing that the higher ups were always watching. All eyes were on him after all. Not a single slip up should be happening, not when he was a perfect machine created to make people happy.

His hyperactivity and drive to keep guest spirits up would mess up his battery charge, leading to more needed breaks. But that wasn't something he needed, he just needed to keep working.

Because what good would he be if he wasn't striving to work harder to make others happy.

[cirqosmos]

IN THE GYM, INSIDE YOU | KEI &TEAM (TEASER)

WARNING ↪ gym sex (at hybe gym lmfao), dom!kei, sub!reader, established relationship, pet names, u calling kei as daddy, dry humping, choking, oral sex (f and m receiving), breeding kink, size training/kink, saliva play, profanity. and more u see.. 🙈

WORD COUNT ↪1.6K (the full fic are estimated to be over 10-12k lmfao PLS)

AUTHOR'S NOTE ↪ not proofread, so some minor errors and grammatical errors.. i'm just trying to get back to my momentum of posting on Tumblr again. BUT IM CRINGING ALOT HELP I CANT STOP GAGGING LMFAO-

The cool breeze of the night sky as you passed through the convenience store shot a severe chill down your spine, despite having a thick hoodie over your pyjamas. Now that you think of it, it is a bad move. Brushing the tip of your thumb across the shelf as you picked one of Kei's favourite ready-made coffee drinks, you recalled the way he called you an hour ago.

His voice dripped in a heavy tone of honey, almost like a melodic hymn of desperation as he enunciate every syllable of your name. As if he was begging for you to come as fast as you can, and when you expressed your initial concern over his odd request, he brushes it off as being exhausted by his current workout routine.

A night workout routine, he repeated.

After exiting out of the automatic door screen, your peripheral vision caught on the remnants of illusionary dusts in the form of a human, and the stray cats scattering beside the over filled trash can, and the serene moonlit sky brought about a good amount of anxiety in you. It is after all, the after dark. Where the world switches off to an underworld vibe, pulling of its black velvet cloaks with indifference that it had hidden beneath the entire sunlit day.

Screw you, Kei.

After dark was when people ripped apart their moral ethics, goodie traits, and humane characteristics—revealing their innate desires they had been keeping to their core.

"Kei?"

Not an answer did you receive as you pushed open the black velvet door, only the cool breeze of the AC and it's audible sound surrounding the gym greeted your ears. You assumed that Kei must have left.

"Hey."

Your head turned to the owner of the voice you knew so well, a lazy smile pulled up on your cheeks as you met those dark grey orbs laced with affectionate words all over it.

"Hey, Kei." Giving the ice cold can coffee to him as you approached him, "Quite cruel of you to call me at 2am, seriously."

With no hesitation, he pulled you into his embrace, leaning in closer as he buried his face in your neck, sniffing in your scent which immediately engulfed his exhausted soul in a safe amount of euphoria and craze. "I miss you, though. Don't I have the right to call my girlfriend anymore?"

"At least look at the time." You pouted as you pulled away, squinting your eyes in a playful manner. "Everyone's sleeping right now, and you're the only one pulling up a goddamn Greek god workout routine."

An audible giggle squeezed its way out of Kei's mouth, his doe eyes crinkling into crescents. "Greek god, eh? I'm a Greek god to you then?" His finger dusted off the rosy hues on the tip of your nose, cooing at your childlikeness.

"Well, maybe." You shrugged, sitting yourself leisurely on one of the gym's chairs, swaying your feet up and down. It didn't go past your eyes how Kei leaned against the pull-up machine, a loud pop emitting from his thumbs in the process of opening the can, his plump lips lapping against the edge as he slurped it down his throat—where his Adam's apples protrude in a sensual motion, one that sent havoc into your mind.

Breaking your fixated gaze onto somewhere else, you cleared your throat in attempts to take off your not so holy thoughts in a brief moment. Mentally slapping yourself on the inside, but oh well, scoring a boyfriend like Kei ain't a damn joke.

"How was work?" His melodic voice flows into your ears again.

"Tiring, but it's okay. It's my job anyway, got to have enough fat money to buy what I want. Heh." Dusting off the tips of your two fingers, mimicking the action of counting money before the boy causes his gorgeous lip to let out another audible giggle.

"I love how you're independent, it's damn cool to even think of it.. but you see, why don't you depend on me?"

"Hm?"

"Depend on me." Kei repeated with doe eyes wholly fixated on your form, "It's just a suggestion, but I would really adore having to take care of you all by my own, every little thing."

Well chosen string of words got your already tangled heart in an even tighter knot, "I could take care of myself, though. I don't need a sugar daddy yet." You stuck your tongue out in a mischievous manner, that alone had him shaking his head with a round of giggles. "But that's sweet of you, Kei."

"No, but." Pair of sneakers approach you with every low rise and down of steps, his palms having the remnants of water beads as he puts down the ice can on the machine's flat edge.

Halting his step before you with his towering height, the light above the ceiling illuminated the top of his ash strands all while casting a matte shadow on his features—giving him a somewhat eerie look, yet his orbs held so much more in it that it had you unconsciously gripping your finger on the edge.

His long finger and thumb brushes your cheek in a circular pattern, and then down to your neck. "I want to take care of you. I've been thinking since much, much long time ago. I want to look after you, care for you in every way possible. It just hurts to see you punching yourself in the chest whenever your shitty boss ruined your day."

Touched by his words, "Work days are pretty much like that, Kei. Having a shitty boss is an unfortunate bonus, that is."

Your sentences comes to a halt as you notice the way his orbs lingered on your lips, the sensation of his index finger ghostly rubbed your lower lip had your heart skipping a thump, yet you hold on to your firm character—arching the corner of your lip in a mischievous smirk. "Does my lips look that pretty for you, Mr. Kei?"

"Mr. Kei?" His plump lips pursed in a giggle, "I'd like your lips on mine, if that's okay for you, Mrs. Koga."

Enthusiasm filled your chest, and you were sure he did as well the way he confirmed your given permission through your lit up blaze eyes. His index finger on your lips found its way on the back of your neck, splayed tight. His other hand spreaded against your hips, pulling you closer to his body as he sealed your lips in his wet cavern.

Kissing Kei always felt like the first time for you. It didn't go past your notice how his warm cheeks pulled up even higher as you let him in through your tongue, tasting each other to the point of maniacal craze. Your eyelashes fluttered up to reveal your curious orbs, taking a brief glance at the wall clock behind Kei's obscured ruffled ash hair.

1:07 A.M. — The after dark where suppressed desires begin to reveal themselves, manifesting into low seductive whispers and sneaky touches.

"Scrap the sugar part," Kei's breath ghost against your ear, sending a round of butterflies in your stomach. Your eyes lingered on his swollen red lips enunciating each word in a clear hushed tone, yet sensual rhythm. "Your daddy can take care of you right here, right now."

"Now where do you want daddy to touch you?" Kei lapped his wet cavern across your neck, a slight moan left your lips at the bold gesture.

"Please."

"Please what, babygirl? You have to tell daddy where exactly he should touch you."

"I-inside me, daddy." Lust fogged your mind, yet the sight of the gym machines pushed the logical part in the surface, physically manifesting to your hands stopping Kei's ones. "We aren't going to do it here, r-right?"

You enunciate the question in confirmation, you need him inside you right now but you dead ass wouldn't want to get caught in the act and possibly ruin his career. But the way Kei's lust filled orbs lazily darted to look at behind him, it seems like he had no intention of bringing your intimacy behind an appropriate place.

"Where's the thrill then, baby?" Kei whispered, "Look it's 1am right now, I doubt someone's going to come in. But well, it would be good either way cuz' someone can see how I'll take you all to myself."

That was enough to rule your mind into overdrive, giving in to Kei and embarking in this bold dangerous act. The thrill, the suspense of getting caught, his large hands spreading all over your skin, his lips nipping onto your bare skin; everything fuels into your brazen mode.

This wild desires of exhibitionism; his greatest will to flaunt you and show to everyone that you belong to him. Kei had always been a dominant man, oozing uncontrollably from his aura ever since you first laid your eyes on him, there was no doubt. Your suspicions were further confirmed by his utmost dedication in perfecting his craft or whatever it is he deemed to be of great importance.

And one of them was romance, which immediately rooted back to you. The apple in his eyes, which he oh so desire to devour more than it takes and how he greatly detests anyone who dared to lay their hands on you.

He turns you around, your back hitting his chest and before your mind could process anything—wet slick tongue lapped across your neck down to your exposed shoulder, his fingers pulling the material each centimetre. Yet you couldn't focus on anything but on his tongue doing it's magical wonders on your skin, sending electrifying sensation into your veins and cells.

"K-kei—" his other hand flattened deep inside your shirt, stroking circular patterns on your tummy and into your navel.

"Shh, lemme take care of you." He whispered, and you didn't fail to sense his growing smirk. "Now where do we begin?"

「 © talesofyuan on tumblr 2023 」 all rights reserved. do not copy or post without permission.

[lesinquietes]

Ighhhhhhhh...farmhand shizuo...need it like i need air...no izaya tho hes a city slicker

Lmao no but imagine Izaya heading into the countryside after that last fight he has with Shizuo and just fucking hating it 🤭

Shizuo is more born for county life; especially with that super strength of his. The man belongs on a farm, where he can’t hurt anyone by accident and feel like total shit afterwards. I can see him being insanely gentle with the animals, stroking them, and making sure they’re well fed. Yeah, maybe there’s an incident where he kills a cow or two by mistake, but you know he doesn’t mean it. He really resonates with the bulls. They’re powerful and angry, too. Sometimes, you find him petting them in the evening as they’re drifting off to sleep. You’ve never seen the mighty creatures so calm in the presence of a human.

He regularly works in Tom’s fields, as his farm hand. You’re a farmer who helps Tom out every once in a while, too. That’s how you both meet. The connection isn’t instantaneous, but it certainly develops over time. You’re quite guarded; so is he. When you finally get to bonding, it’s a powerful event of two souls who comprehend the meaning of true pain and suffering crashing into one another, forming the highest tidal wave of emotion you’ve ever felt.

It’s hot in the afternoons, causing you both to take shelter in the barn for a while. Tom doesn’t mind; in fact, he’s more fixated on honking you two up with each other that he doesn’t care if a little work gets neglected — so long as it’s in the name of love. But it’s a slow burn. Shizuo doesn’t know how to talk to others, much less people he finds attractive. Maybe you’ll have to make the first move. Tom hints at this several times in casual conversation. He teases you for spending time with the blonde, and then inquired as to when you’re going to ask him out for a drink. Eventually, you pick up on what he’s suggesting.

You wind up inviting him to the local bar after work one Friday evening. He promptly accepts. You think it’s cute when he clarifies whether or not you want him to arrive as a friend or as your date. His cheeks tint when you wink at him and allude to the latter. Fuck, he’s wanted you for months. He never dreamed you would reciprocate his feelings. It stirs an unfamiliar sensation in his heart. Perhaps it solidifies his attraction to you, for in that moment, he silently vows to keep you for eternity. He can see a future by your side. You two get along like old friends. You’re accepting of his errors and trusting that his heart is in the right place. He’s lucky to have you.

The date is everything you need it to be. You share a few drinks and talk about your personal lives. You share a few things about yourself, as does he. You learn that he has a brother who’s rather famous. He doesn’t disclose a name, though. He learns that you’ve had to be a fighter most of your life. He finds your story endearing. The urge to protect you, so that you’ll never have to fight again, floods his chest with an indescribable amount of joy.

He drives you back to your place after the night comes to a close. You ask him to come in. He declines. He doesn’t want to be tempted to fuck you. The first date is a test to see if the magic is there, with or without sex. Although he wants to indulge in what your beautiful figure has to offer, he must refrain until he’s positive you want to keep seeing him. And you do — of course you do. He’s charming and sweet. You’ve always appreciated his company. The last thing you want is to part ways. It lights his heart ablaze to witness you crave him in a similar manner to which he yearns for you.

When he gets home, he drafts a letter to his brother. It details his first date with you, and how he believes he’s found his future wife.

[fractualized]

Hey Fractualized, how are you?

About the Telltale Joker, how did he get the pale skin and green hair? Since he has a different origin from the comics version.

Do you think that somehow John was one of the victims of Thomas Wayne's illegal experiments or is the origin of John's condition linked to some other villain? (My guess is Hugo Strange) and Telltale didn't have time to explore it.

Sorry for any grammatical errors, English is my second language.

Hey! Bummed the weekend is coming to a close, but there'll be another one soon enough. And no need to apologize!

While I know Telltale's writing happened in a time crunch, I don't think that's why they didn't explore an origin for John. I think they simply chose not to, which is an instinct I applaud.

Across all Jokers, I am a big fan of keeping his past unknown, both for the fun of the possibilities and so that he remains a mystery that Bruce can never solve, yet another reason Joker vexes Batman. In Telltale, where John has his strange coloring before Bruce even meets him, I extend the mystery to the cause. I like the angst of Bruce convincing himself that if he can uncover what happened, it will help John in some way, but he never manages it. Also, Bruce's fixation on solving the mystery bothers John because John's focused on who he's making himself into now, and does Bruce not like that?? Strife!

Though I am attached to the idea that whatever happened to John happened at Ace Chemicals, and even though he doesn't remember it, that's why he's drawn there in both the vigilante and villain paths.

I've seen people propose John was one of Thomas's victims, but I don't think that fits. For one thing, Thomas's crime wasn't really experimenting on people. He was getting people illegally committed to Arkham if they got in his way. Whatever drugs he injected into them, the point was to alter their behavior so they seemed crazy, which legitimized trapping them in the asylum. He may have experimented in terms of changing what drugs he used to see if a new formulation would work better, but those observations weren't the point. The point was to expand his control over Gotham business and politics.

Also, I think the timing is way off. Bruce and John seem about the same age to me, which indicates that John was also a child when Thomas and Martha were murdered. Sure, there's a chance that little John witnessed something that would be bad for Thomas if he testified or went to the newspapers, but I still think he would've been too young to be committed to Arkham (and again I don't think it explains his skin and hair color). Also, while John has amnesia, he knows so much information about Lady Arkham's origins and such in Season 1 that I think he would've figured out if he was connected to Thomas Wayne— and we'd definitely know if that was the case because that would mean John is connected to Bruce, and John would've been over the freaking moon.

If you wanted to tie John's origin to another villain, Hugo Strange would definitely be a better fit than Thomas since he's done some wacky experimentation. Perhaps he was testing chemicals in his youth, and his trials acidified poor John, traumatizing him so badly that it nuked his memory. And then Strange pulled some strings and stowed his failed lab rat away in Arkham (since the place is definitely still corrupt after Thomas dies). But as I said, if I were to write it, this would just be a possibility. It would be a story Bruce put together that make so much sense in theory, but enough pieces are missing or don't fit that he can never be sure. And John's like, "You want me to try to bring back possible memories of being endlessly tortured by a mad scientist?? You okay there, buddy?"

[efangamez]

Hey you beautiful peeps! Fingers hurt, so I'll be using voice to text! Sorry for any errors!

UPDATE

Hey you beautiful people! Sorry I've been gone away for a while. I've been dealing with the stress of the hurricanes and making sure that my family and everyone I know is safe. I'm also playing a s*** ton of sparking zero recently and it is absolutely fantastic. It kind of sucks that I'm on a hyper fixation right now of Dragon Ball. Z because it makes work Debilitatingly agonizing. So because of that, I haven't really been able to get a ton done in the game design department as much as I'd like.

And I am learning that that's okay! I have severe mental health issues and sometimes the thing that helps me dissociate and maybe not the best way is a hyper fixation on something to where it gets to the point of engulfing my whole life for a short period of time. I've had this with metal Gear solid. I've had this with Yu-Gi-Oh. I've had this with pokémon my whole childhood and right now it's Dragon Ball. Z. I've always been a Dragon Ball fan but with sparking Zero releasing it's made everything a lot More swollen when it comes to my hyper fixation.

Nevertheless, some good news though is that I have been working on some stuff in this time and it's all really, really great stuff. I don't want to push myself to the point of burnout again to where it becomes agonizing to even think about game design. I'm taking it steady and I cannot thank every single person that follows me and understands the weird and honestly long and arduous journey. That is my trip back to normalcy. I'm getting to a point to where I'm doing a lot of community work that I'm very proud of outside of game design which is another passion of mine. This is really fulfilling work but it takes a lot of time and it is work and it is payless. I wouldn't sacrifice it for the world though.

There's going to be another sale next month to celebrate my birthday and help me pay for doctor expenses that I'm going to be incurring next month for my final checkup and eye exam before I'm kicked off of insurance. I've got to figure that as out as well but the reality is is I probably will not have healthcare lol. I love living in America not.

Lastly, this election is coming up and that is also going to take my attention away from a lot of things. There's a lot of work that needs to be done in my community as well as internally as to what decisions regarding this election are necessary. Also, if the outcome is Donald Trump winning then I also have to prepare and help build infrastructure so that the ones I love and hold dear to me are safe and sound. That takes priority over every single thing in my life.

In short lots have been going on but I'm still trucking and I'm still kicking and I still love game design and I really really think every single person who follows me and is letting me get back to normal through these past 2 years of trauma and growth that has been absolutely agonizing but absolutely rewarding. I hope you all are doing well and I send you lots of love and courage in the coming days. Feel free to message me if you need anything If you're a mutual and if you're not a mutual, message me about some of the games that you've played and looked at of mine. I love to hear about what you think about my games and what I could either improve upon or what you really like.

See y'all on the flip side and hopefully it doesn't take me this long to make another post LOL.

-Efan

[cherubchoirs]

hello do you have any v2 headcanons. i love the Heem

v2.....my tragic little child i DEFINITELY have thoughts....

tbh something about v2 just REALLY gets to me, and i think it's just the fact that this thing never had a chance - it was created to recoup losses on the v-series when the war ended but that was desperate, unworkable, and so it got shelved while the new peace continued undisturbed without it. and when humanity is lost, it goes into hell with the rest of the machines but what can it do when faced by something like v1, a being that was made for this? v2 is in v1's world, it has to meet it on v1's terms, and so it could never succeed. like everything in its life, it lost before it even began, already obsolete before it can prove itself.

i've talked about it before of course, but v1 is the machine turned animal, it has embraced its errors and has spun off from its programming long ago, while v2 is digging its nails into its protocol, doing everything it can to stay "sane" when nothing in the world is. v2 forever wants to be the enforcer of peace, it still wants to show what it can do even though there's no one to see it now. in a way, it lives in a fantasy, proving something only to itself by somehow trying to find a way to enact order in hell. it never got its chance and so it's taking it now, in a dead world that can't be at peace where it will never be acknowledged. and its programming is going bad too, it's culling any code that could be errant without much oversight because it wants perfection...and its convinced itself this isn't for survival, that it's not scavenging for blood but instead bringing back the new peace. it destroys other machines and it slaughters husks, but only because they're hostile, they insist on engaging, and at this point it doesn't really understand they can be no other way. and as far as v1 goes, it isn't fighting it just to prove it can win, that it was always the superior model, but because a war machine is its antithesis. if v1 exists, there will never be peace.

and it gets stuck on that.

it challenges v1 a second time not just from hurt pride, but because every bit of its programming has fixated on it and the alarms are constant now, the war is advancing and it's killing everything in its wake. v2 is failing. it finally has its chance, and it's letting everyone down. and too, a lot like what i discussed with gabriel, this is leading to a breakdown in its identity. its potential was a promise, it was a dream it had, it ran so many simulations of the good work it could do, would do, but v1 tears it apart, it shatters what holds up its mental framework. and so v2 really can do nothing else but challenge it again. it needs to win, to stop the war, to be the machine it was made to be decades ago, to be who it always imagined itself to be. but that second encounter proves it only ever really was imagination. it was never true. it aspired and it fell short, the world it made for itself fell apart just as it died.

its life is just so unfair, and that kind of thing really gets to me with ai characters ;o; BUT i want to end this on a...lighter? note, and also give a more proper list of headcanons rather than just characterization so!!

v2 is very skilled with modifications and building due to it trying to find purpose when its usage for the new peace was falling through. it wants to do whatever it can to remain relevant, so it used its incredible mind to devour information on hardware construction and how to improve machines. it didn't really ever get the chance to show this off either, however, since no one ever knew it taught itself so much and so never asked for its help.

it's probably obvious, but v2 is a much more introspective being than v1 and it has a more powerful imagination. its mind is modeled quite similarly, but it had the proper limitations placed on it and it was given much more exposure to human thought models to help it relate to people better. so v2 is actually kind of dreamy and spends a lot of time in its head (but don't mistake this for sensitivity - v2 is a dreamer, but it has an extremely tough shell and it doesn't share its deeper internal life. both because it never wants to project weakness and because well...its strong imagination isn't really shared with other machines. they wouldn't get it).

however, much like v1, v2 is naturally very curious and it needs a lot of stimulation for its massive mind - it enjoys playing and it automatically understands how to limit itself unlike v1. it's quite competitive and it would endlessly challenge someone to another round after another round if anyone would humor it. and although it's sort of supposed to be programmed to not win every time, it's found ways to circumvent that.

talks. talks a lot. it has so many thoughts and it wants to articulate every single one!! it also quickly forms opinions of anything and everything, so that's even more to say!! mostly this is talking incessantly to the terminals, who are as quiet as ever but obviously very much enjoy the company. it also speaks many more languages than v1.

v2 has good posture. just. it still stands upright and any modifications it makes are seamless (v1, by contrast, has a goofy neck and silly posture because of weird code and weird modifying on its part)

it has a sense of aesthetics, another thing many machines have no concept of. it can actually look at any of the art in hell and get something out of it, and it alone understands the surrounding area as "unpleasant". additionally, this led to some of its agitation in limbo, as it was an exceedingly uncanny place (creeped out not in a fear sense but in a "thanks! i hate it" sense lol)

[tawneybee]

A couple facts about C.C/Nicky in my Trial & Error AU.

Pre-Death

- Elizabeth and Mike are twins, both 15, while Nicky (C.C) is 3.

-Nicky is nonverbal autistic. It is selective, so they know how to talk, they just choose not to. Sometimes they'll speak in eerie whispers (on purpose to creep ppl out) to people they don't like specifically. And since they love their siblings, the twins have hardly ever heard them speak. Nicky mostly communicates in body language and a yes/no/unsure button toy. Sometimes they'll even babble incoherently if they're feeling excited/stressed.

-Adding on to the whispering to people they don't like, if either of their siblings has said or done something to make them upset (as caring as the twins usually are, they're still siblings and still assholes) they'd go in the culprit's room at night and freak them out by talking to them in the dark. And since the twins have never seen Nick talk, they always think they're going crazy.

-Nicky has an oral fixation. They have a pacifier that they use most of the time, but without it there's quite a bit of biting. When they're feeling underwhelmed and need stimulation they'll just find something to chew on, and it doesn't help that biting is their love language and their teeth are quite sharp. You'll see the twins or Cassidy with a lot of indents and scars on their skin from this habit. Only real way to make them stop is to find their pacifier.

-Intersex because I said so

-Would you believe me if I said they've committed tax fraud before

-Elizabeth taught them to cry their way out of consequences and they accidentally got someone arrested through this

-Sees William as the man who pays for their stuff, nothing more

-They go to a babysitter when the twins are in school, and this babysitter is Jeremy Fitzgerald's adult sister, Autumn Fitzgerald.

-They're really smart and really well-developed mentally, so they were gonna be put in school early the year they turned 4.

-Though they died a mere week before their first day so- whoops 🤷.

-Fredbear's was built and shut down a few years before Nick's birth, so the most Nick saw of Fredbear was through the Fredbear & Friends TV show and old VHS tapes. It was still their favorite animatronic.

Post Death

-Due to Fredbear's being shut down before Nick was born, Nick didn't die due to the prank. Though their death was somewhat similar.

-Nick shares Fredbear with 5 other souls; Cassidy, Michael Brooks (TSE), Andrew (various FF books), Kelsey (FF: The New Kid), and Devon (FF: The New Kid).

-The Nightmares have a similar purpose here to canon, but long after Nick died, they found the old remains and managed to hijack the robots, so they're now able to use what William built against him.

-Elizabeth has had to fight them for the key to the explosives cabinet in Mike's office once.

-Even when in the massive form of Fredbear they always want to sit in the shopping cart.

-The pacifier followed them to the afterlife, and so did that goddamn oral fixation.

[anxresi]

Submission From Another Miraculous Fan...

just saw revolution for the 3rd time just to confirm that all my worst fears came true in the worst way imaginable GOD it was disgusting!  like there really are people out there who think there was some kind of "not everyone can be redeemed" message behind that vengeful, sickening, and even downright toxic writing, lol!  with the incredible amount of inconsistencies, dodgy, repetitive and poorly written dialogue behind Chloe's arc frankly i feel like people just stopped at the thought of the post and didn't really pay attention to it  what was told behind.  I especially like those people who say that Chloe will be able to taste her own medicine because now child abuse has become acceptable because she is mean!  wonderful!

  Am I supposed to be proud of Andre?  the good joke?  the man who abused his power time and time again for Chloe, who never called her out on her way of treating others, acting like a scared dog in front of his own daughter but now that he sees the error of his  manners does he decide to take responsibility for his daughter's actions?  to be a better father?  to scold her?  to advise her?  to give him limits and as FELIX would say to help him move forward in life as any parent worthy of the name would do?  nooooo of course he divorces him, keeps the nice girl with him and throws the human waste into the arms of his mother who of course has been held up as a "role model" all this time and I'm supposed to call that good writing, people are  they aware of what they are watching or not?

  let it be clear André bourgeois was never the victim of anyone even less of Chloé, he had the power to do what he did from the start, he just lacked the will and now that he gets  what is he doing?  HE THROWS IT????  no but wake up! it's Chloé's FUCKING FATHER my GOD do you really think it's the right thing to do here????André bourgeois is only what he has always been here: irresponsible  , a coward, a bad father and a poor guy!  he does not take responsibility for anything neither for abusing his power nor for supporting his daughter in these abuses all this time, he is rewarded with a nicer girl that he appropriates while he has NO  RIGHT of any kind on her but hey I'm sure Mr Lee will have no problem finding out that his daughter was left to her co-husband🤣🤣🤣, by the powers conferred on him he ejects himself from the town hall and divorces  in a snap of your fingers like man😑😑😑 you're not malediktor anymore that's not how it works!!! god the logic of the world is completely off the rails in this universe😧😧😧 he can now live his life as a movie director without worrying about his daughter  irreparable that he throws into the arms of his ex-wife without a second thought and from what I see we are witnessing the beginning or the continuity (at your choice) of the cycle of abuse from mother to daughter and we public must applaud without any form  reflection!

  the double standards and hypocrisy behind the writing of this series will never cease to disgust me and amaze me with how Thomas and his cronies always find a way to sink lower than before every time!  because yes they are ALL RESPONSIBLE, I want Thomas to have influence but from the moment you accept that shit like this should be broadcast you have a serious problem!  I don't hate Chloé or André or the other characters I just pity them because at the end of the day they are just the victims of a man with an oversized ego made megalomaniac by the success of what he has  created!  the redemption of the notorious terrorist who terrorized the city and abused his son for months will just be the culmination of some of the most mediocre writing I've ever seen on a show  for child!  even the adrienette kiss didn't inspire me anything their debut in origins not bad, evolution sucked, fixation sucked, interaction as a couple sucked EVERYTHING was boring!!!marichat was definitely my favorite here!

..............................

This is me talking now ...Apart from that, I think they thought it was a pretty sound episode! ;)

[icedmetaltea]

thoughts

The med increases didn't help my depression at allll whoooooooooo

All it does it make me feel drunk enough to fall asleep, sleep for 9+ hrs and wake up at noon. Just to stay in bed the rest of the day.

Idk what to do bc I'm too scared to try any other antidepressants cause they seemed to give me wayyy too bad of a anxiety reaction. I feel like I made an error in judgement by making my therapy appointments every other week cause now things are falling again, showering is becoming harder and it's becoming too much effort to cook for and clothe myself.

The worst part is idk if this is situational due to the climate change shit or all the fucked up stuff going on in Palestine. And just... everything else. Everything little thing adding up.

I've been trying to hard to improve, and I thought I was, I really did. I feel like such a fucking failure. I know even if things improve over the winter I'll still have spring and summer and all the anxiety that comes with it due to the heat. I cannot survive another summer of countless panic attacks and staying in all day bc I can't handle the heat outside and the falls and winters disappearing due to the ever-increasing heat and my parents still denying climate change even exists even when it's 80+ degrees in fucking november.

The self-harm urges are coming back and idk where my rubber band is. It's much better that than the box cutter I used to use (and even that was tame, it never cut deep)

And with each and every vent post I make (which I can't stop, it just flows out of me like a waterfall) I feel more and more like an annoyance. Even when I'm posting things I'm proud of, I feel like an annoyance. I care so much about what people think, far too much, and I try to bring it up in therapy but I'm still way to embarrassed to talk about it, it seems like such a selfish thing to fixate on.

Yesterday I saw pictures of the kittens and I have no idea how they're doing today since my sibling who they're staying with (permanently, I'll never fucking see them again) doesn't use social media. I'll never watch them grow up. I saw them as my children and my sibling took them away and treated my sense of loss as selfish bc I should've known they'd always belong to them.

I've been lying in bed all day. I ate but that's it. I can't get the motivation to put on clothes or go outside or do anything really. All I've been doing is listening to music and feeling sorry for myself like a complete failure. Who am I kidding, even if I get back in college, I'll just fail again, like I always do.

I can't live independently, not after what I went through over the summer... I could never manage all that shit by myself.

And ofc I start thinking about death. My death or my parents', whichever comes first. And... I just feel cold. Not in a good way, not in a comforting way, just a lonely, empty way. And this feeling comes and goes, but right now it's wound around my chest and wringing the life out of me.

And I start thinking about the friend I had. I'll never know somebody that cares about like that ever again. if they even did. If he wasn't lying about it all. I'll never know anybody like that ever again. Never. The kind of friendship I used to daydream about growing up, the kind I waited till adulthood for, gone. I know it's been months but it fucking hurts so fucking much