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balioc · 4 years ago

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A Taxonomy of Magic

This is a purely and relentlessly thematic/Doylist set of categories.

The question is: What is the magic for, in this universe that was created to have magic?

Or, even better: What is nature of the fantasy that’s on display here?

Because it is, literally, fantasy. It’s pretty much always someone’s secret desire.

(NOTE: “Magic” here is being used to mean “usually actual magic that is coded as such, but also, like, psionics and superhero powers and other kinds of Weird Unnatural Stuff that has been embedded in a fictional world.”)

(NOTE: These categories often commingle and intersect. I am definitely not claiming that the boundaries between them are rigid.)

I. Magic as The Gun That Can Be Wielded Only By Nerds

Notable example: Dungeons & Dragons

Of all the magic-fantasies on offer, I think of this one as being the clearest and most distinctive. It’s a power fantasy, in a very direct sense. Specifically, it’s the fantasy that certain mental abilities or personality traits -- especially “raw intelligence” -- can translate directly into concrete power. Being magical gives you the wherewithal to hold your own in base-level interpersonal dominance struggles.

(D&D wizardry is “as a science nerd, I can use my brainpower to blast you in the face with lightning.” Similarly, sorcery is “as a colorful weirdo, I can use my force of personality to blast you in the face with lightning,” and warlockry is “as a goth/emo kid, I can use my raw power of alienation to blast you in the face with lightning.”)

You see this a lot in media centered on fighting, unsurprisingly, and it tends to focus on the combative applications and the pure destructive/coercive force of magic (even if magic is notionally capable of doing lots of different things). It often presents magic specifically as a parallel alternative to brawn-based fighting power. There’s often an unconscious/reflexive trope that the heights of magic look like “blowing things up real good” / “wizarding war.”

II. Magic as The Numinous Hidden Glory of the World

Notable examples: Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia, H.P. Lovecraft’s Dream Cycle

The point of magic, in this formulation, is that it is special. It is intrinsically wondrous and marvelous. Interacting with it puts you in a heightened-state-of-existence. It is -- ultimately -- a metaphor for The Secret Unnameable Yearnings of Your Soul, the glorious jouissance that always seems just out of reach.

It doesn’t so much matter how the magic actually functions, or even what outcomes it produces. The important thing is what magic is, which is...magical.

This is how you get works that are all about magic but seem entirely disinterested in questions like “what can you achieve with magic?,” “how does the presence of magic change the world?,” etc. One of the major ways, anyway.

The Numinous Hidden Glory fantasy often revolves around an idea of the magic world, the other-place where everything is drenched in jouissance. [Sometimes the magic world is another plane of existence, sometimes it’s a hidden society within the “real world,” doesn’t matter.] The real point of magic, as it’s often presented, is being in that magic world; once you’re there, everything is awesome, even if the actual things you’re seeing and doing are ordinary-seeming or silly. A magic school is worlds better than a regular school, because it’s magic, even if it’s got exactly the same tedium of classes and social drama that you know from the real world.

Fantasies of this kind often feature a lot of lush memorable detail that doesn’t particularly cohere in any way. It all just adds to the magic-ness.

III. Magic as the Atavistic Anti-Civilizational Power

Notable examples: A Song of Ice and Fire, Godzilla

According to the terms of this fantasy, the point of magic is that it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense within the logic of civilized human thought, anyway. It is nature and chaos given concrete form; it is the thing that tears away at the systems that we, in our [Promethean nobility / overweening hubris], try to build.

There’s not a baked-in value judgment here. This kind of magic can be presented as good, bad, or some of both. Same with civilization, for that matter.

It’s often presented as Old Myths and Folkways that have More Truth and Power Than Seems Reasonable. Narratively, it often serves as a dramatized version of the failure of episteme, and of the kind of entropic decay that in real life can take centuries to devour empires and ideologies.

This kind of magic is almost always the province of savages, actual inhuman monsters, or (occasionally) the very downtrodden.

(I think it is enormously telling that in A Song of Ice and Fire -- a series that is jammed full of exotic cults and ancient half-forgotten peoples, all of whom have magic that seems to work and beliefs that at least touch on mysterious truths -- only the Westerosi version of High Medieval Catholicism, the religion to which most of the people we see notionally adhere, is actually just a pack of empty lies.)

IV. Magic as an Overstuffed Toybox

Notable examples: Naruto, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure

Or, sometimes, we care about what magic actually does. More than that -- sometimes we want to see magic doing really interesting things, and then other magic intersecting with it in ways that are even more interesting.

The fantasy here, in simplest terms, is “magic can achieve any arbitrary cool effect.” There doesn’t tend to be an overarching system that explains how it’s all supposed to come together, or if there is, it tends to be kind of lame and hand-wavey -- a rigorous system of Magic Physics, delineating the limits of the possible, would get in the way of all the cool effects we want to show!

Once again, this shows up a lot in combat-heavy narratives. Less with the genericized D&D-style “magic is a fist that can punch harder than your regular meat fist,” and more with people throwing weird and wacky powers at each other in order to show how those powers can be used creatively to overcome opposition. Sometimes, instead of combat, you get magicians using their cool-effects magic to MacGuyver their way out of problems or even trying to resolve large-scale social problems. Issues of magic usage within the narrative being “fair” or “unfair” or “cheesy” are important here in ways that they generally aren’t elsewhere, since the fantasy on offer comes close to being a game.

(Ratfic often falls into this category.)

V. Magic as Alternate-Universe Science

Notable examples: the Cosmere books

This covers most of what gets called “hard fantasy.” The fantasy on offer is a pretty straightforward one -- “magic has actual rules, you can learn them, and once you’ve learned them you can make predictions and achieve outcomes.” It’s puzzle-y in the way that the previous fantasy was game-y. It’s often a superstimulus for the feeling of learning a system in the way that video game grinding is a superstimulus for the feeling of rewarding labor.

The magic effects on offer tend to be less ridiculous and “broken” than toybox magic, because any logic you can use to achieve a ridiculous effect is going to influence the rest of the magic system, and special cases that aren’t grounded in sufficiently-compelling logic will ruin the fantasy.

Not super common.

VI. Magic as Psychology-Made-Real

Notable examples: Revolutionary Girl Utena, Persona

This kind of magic makes explicit, and diagetic, what is implicit and metatextual in most fantasy settings. The magic is an outgrowth of thought, emotion, and belief. Things have power in the world because they have power in your head. The things that seem real in the deepest darkest parts of your mind are actually real.

This is where you get inner demons manifested as actual demons (servile or hostile or anything in between), swords forged from literal hope, dungeons and labyrinths custom-tailored to reflect someone’s trauma, etc.

The fantasy, of course, is that your inner drama matters.

My personal favorite.

VII. Magic as Pure Window Dressing

Notable examples: later Final Fantasy games, Warhammer 40K

This one is weird; it doesn’t really make sense on its own, only metatextually. I think of its prevalence as an indicator of the extent to which fantasy has become a cultural staple.

The fantasy on offer in these works is that you are in a fantasy world that is filled with fantasy tropes. And that’s it.

Because the important thing here is that the magic doesn’t really do anything at all, or at least, it doesn’t do anything that non-magic can’t do equally well. It doesn’t even serve as an indication that Things are Special, because as presented in-setting, magic isn’t Special. Being a wizard is just a job, like being a baker or a tailor or something -- or, usually, like being a soldier, because the magic on offer is usually a very-simple kind of combat magic. And unlike in D&D, it’s not like magic is used only or chiefly by a particularly noteworthy kind of person. It’s just...there.

The great stories of the world, in these works, don’t tend to feature magic as anything more than a minor element. The point is to reassure the audience that this is the kind of world, the kind of story, that has magic.

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Thoughts? Critiques? Other categories to suggest?

#media analysis

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geekgemsspooksandtoons · 3 years ago

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The Mask 1994

*I finally wrote the whole thing. I finally watched the movie that involved something I’ve been talking about A LOT. I think this took about an hour since I finished the movie. Forgot to mention Charlie.*

I wanna make this clear, even before I watched movie or ever writing this. I am legitimately a stupid and lazy person. Because my mom told me about this, and last week, my dad rented A Quiet Place Part 2. When I was trying to go to sleep but was looking up movies...I literally forgot my tv can do that too...and that I can rent or buy a movie...I rented the movie this morning, and deleted it afterwards...after all that talk...I could’ve done that...wow. I should do that more considering some movies I wanna see or like. Not too much though. My tv has DirecTV. Just a heads up.

But a few or couple of minutes ago, I finally watched The Mask film from 1994. This post is gonna be filled with spoilers and it’s gonna get long. Gonna be kind of a review. My overall thoughts on it. This was my first reaction to the whole movie.

I’d just wanna talk about this too. I like comic books, I like comic book movies. Mainly my favorites are ones like all of Zack Snyder’s DCEU movies, Spider-Man 1 & 2, The Suicide Squad 2021, Wonder Woman 2017, The Dark Knight(Despite whatever issues I have with it), and Joker 2019. Yeah, those are mainly DC films and two Marvel related ones. I don’t even mind Spider-Man 3 as well. I also forgot Dredd 2012 is another one of my favorites. Along with Batman 1989.

I was hoping The Mask could make that list of favorites. Because I read the comics first. I don’t think I ever watch the movie fully as a kid MAYBE. I’m a fan of the comics, I know this movie was gonna be a lighter take on the series.

In a nutshell...I liked it. It’s possible it will be on that list of favorite CBM’s...but I want to talk about it. I’ll also admit I think what got me interested in seeing this film and this series was me liking Jim Carrey as Ace Ventura...now, let’s get to the point.

Yeah, I liked it. I thought the movie was genuinely entertaining. Despite seeing some clips before. But also Ryan Hollinger’s video about it. Revealing the ending, the twist, and other stuff. But I didn’t wanna watch more more that I haven’t seen yet.

I will be honest, it still made me laugh. Even some scenes I already have seen. I will admit, the Cuban Pete scene is actually one of my favorites. XD But what also surprised me is that at times, despite being a funny film. It can genuinely be touching in a way. And I am mainly talking about the developing relationship between Stanley and Tina.

I just wanna talk about the characters right now. I’ll just admit unless I haven’t already. I’m a Jim Carrey fan. Mainly because of his more goofier roles. Particularly his roles from the Ace Ventura movies, Liar Liar, and especially Sonic The Hedgehog. I also will admit this, Jim Carry nails playing Big Head or who they call...The Mask in this movie...I’ll nitpick about that later.

But yeah, Jim’s entertaining as Big Head in this film. He does make me laugh. But I think another role he does well despite there are some sillier moments, which is fine. I feel like in a way, Stanley Ipkiss in this version, is maybe one of his more normal roles. But I know I’m wrong considering whatever other roles he’s in. He portrays a likable good guy who’s sadly mainly pushed around. Which is quite the difference from the comics, except being pushed around. But that’s another topic. Yet for this story, even if maybe Stanley’s name could be changed. But him being a genuinely kind guy works for this story.

Even before I saw the movie, learning more about this version about the character. I can relate to Stanley in some ways honestly. Which is something that I like. He basically shines as a protagonist.

He portrays both sides well. Despite at times...honestly, this Stanley is wacky. I shouldn’t be judging. Jim does a good stuff with what he played, and he’s the highlight of this movie. He also delivers possibly my favorite Jim Carrey line of all time now. Sorry if I get this wrong. I was looking for a clip of it to help me.

“Daddy’s gonna go kick some ass”. A literal line from Jim Carrey in this movie and I love it. He even brings a pistol with him.

I also wanna admit Peter Greene as Dorian is pretty good as a villain. The dude can be threatening and he works with what he is given. And he’s effective as an antagonist. I just wanna admit that I swear, one of these guys. One of them could’ve Walter in a way and I just think that could’ve been possible. But I’m not sure. Just one of Dorian’s henchmen looked like a huge guy. It just got me thinking about Walter from the comics.

Will admit, I think Kellaway is fine. And I just found out Christopher Reeve was one of the actors considered for the role...damn. But again, Kellaway was fine. He’s more like a supporting character and again, this is like an origin story. I do feel bothered Lionel Ray wasn’t added but replaced with this Doyle character. I will admit that Doyle is silly, which is the point of his character. I guess the writers and director didn’t want two sensible cops or something. I like Kellaway alright, but I’ll always dig Lionel too.

I really wanted to get this point. I thought Cameron Diaz was good as Tina Carlyle and Amy Yasbeck as Peggy Brandt. I will admit, I do strangely like the subversion with Peggy in a way with it’s twist. I get the idea if that it was going for that theme of, “We all wear mask” and Peggy turning Stanley into the mob said a lot about her character. While Tina was genuinely the one that truly supported Stanley.

I think was surprised me more was the fact despite Peggy turned in Stanley for selfish purposes such as paying for her condo. Yet what surprised me more was she was actually concerned for Stanley being killed, and didn’t want him hurt...which explains even more why she stuck around in the cartoon. And honestly, it makes me glad the director took out that deleted scene of her getting killed. So she wasn’t that heartless.

Also...it made me think that...my ideas and changes towards her character...maybe hold some weight.

I’ll just put this out there too. Milo is great, one of my favorite fictional dogs maybe. Good dog.

Trying to think what else, the score was fine. But the licensed music was good or something. Overall, I think my negatives could be just...nitpicks. Such as the Big Head part I wanted to talk about. Listen, I understand this is a different version. I just feel it’s weird to call him, “The Mask” instead of Big Head. I know other characters mask in their name or something. But...some reasons, the name Big Head is there. I guess it’s because of the title or something.

Honestly, I think my negatives are more that it feels short. And maybe Stanley becoming Big Head a bit too early. I sound kind of stupid, I know. But this was the 90′s and whatever else. This was a different take on the comics. But I did genuinely like it. Maybe I’m just a bit attached to those comics. Despite knowing the changes they did.

But I will admit, considering the development for this film. And learning that it was meant to be a horror film. But the director Charles Russell found the violence in the source material to be off putting. So he made it less grim, and more fun. I’ve also read somewhere that trying to make comedy with that violence was difficult.

Back to the point, to be honest. I feel like for that time and age. A more light Mask film was maybe the best choice to go. And we wouldn’t have Jim Carrey in it. I do also wanna say, I feel like The Mask series, you can do a lot of it. You can have something dark with it, or maybe more lighter.

There are still some of those darker elements. Mainly considering the moments with the gangsters and all that. But I will admit, learning that Charles mostly directed horror films. I think it’s impressive he made a more family friendly film and it worked.

I liked it, despite my love for the comics. I thought when writing this, maybe some folks reading this may think I sound like fans who read the comics who first experienced this movie. But the film isn’t bad, it’s just a different take and a pretty nice one at that.

And to be honest, as much as I would of loved to see an actual sequel. And not that bad film known as Son Of The Mask. I understand why Jim Carrey dropped out, and I would’ve loved to see Peggy back because the director planned to bring her back reformed. But I feel like this film works as a one off in a way. And there’s also the cartoon, which works fine as a sequel despite some differences. Yet...I’ll admit, I would’ve loved The Mask 2 if we got Jim Carrey as Stanley again fighting against maybe someone like Walter.

The Mask 1994 is a good film. Despite changes from the source material, but the changes for this vision work. It’s cool this film has a cult following, and the fact I have used elements and story beats from it for The Mask Rebirth stuff I’ve been talking about. Even before watched this whole movie.

It’s a genuine fun flick. But I’m hoping down the line, if Warner Bros stops being fucking stupid with how they run things. Maybe we’ll get a reboot or how about an animated film that seems more true to the source material.

I know The Mask/Big Head doesn’t have a big legacy such as the likes of Superman, Batman, and Spider-Man. But I do think this series could be reimagined and expanded upon. Using elements not only from the original comics, but even the movie and cartoon.

And...despite it was because of Ace Ventura...I would like to thank @kaijuguy19 for being such a supportive dude, and talking about this franchise with me. Including wanting to talk about this movie long ago when I haven’t seen it. But I want to say...no...he’s one of the big reasons why I’m a fan. Because he’s one of the only guys I know who’s a fan. It started with Ace Ventura, but it was because of talking with Kaijuguy that I guess things started to escalate. So thanks man for talking about this stuff with me.

Also, Charlie was silly and he was fine as a character. I forgot about that dude despite wanting to talk about him. Gonna tag him too in case. Charlie schumaker

#GeekGem Rambles #the mask #the mask 1994 #jim carrey #stanley ipkiss #dorian tyrell #mitch kellaway #tina carlyle #peggy brandt #cameron diaz #amy yasbeck #peter greene #big head #charles russell #charlie schumaker

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unovamemes · 4 years ago

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the history of my relationship with N

Idk this is just something I found kinda interesting:

Mid 2016 -17 I reunited with a scratch friend and their icon was N. I asked for ideas on what to draw and she said they liked to draw N but they knew I had no idea who N was (back then I was still super into MLP (...but I’m still into MLP to this day)). She was right I had no idea who N was. She proceeded to recommend Pokémon games to me but I didn’t play one for a while

Some time after that I got Pokémon Sun and decided to check out the Pokémon topic on the forums (we were currently on the second topic) and I was like “yo Pokémon is cool I just got into it” and they were like “yo Pokémon is cool nice to meet’cha”. There was one user there who really liked N and talked about him a lot but I still didn’t know who that was. I was pretty much clueless. But I was like “yeah sure he looks cool”.

One day I had a dream about N appearing in the next Pokémon games (this was before LGPE was announced) and in it I said “ooh yeah that person is going to be so excited about this addition to the game!”. (I still remember that dream very vividly) But I still hadn’t played BW yet so I didn’t know anything about N aside from what she had said and even then I don’t think I knew all the details about N’s story.

After beating Ultra Moon, I knew I wanted to try another Pokémon game and I decided to ask her what game N was from to see what N was like. So after finding out it was BW, one day after school I picked up a copy of White at a GameStop that was close to it. I began playing and fell in love with it. Then N appeared.

I was looking through old Pokémon topic posts and I kept making posts about how N was evil and kept killing my Pokémon and the way he talked was confusing and made no sense. I don’t remember having these thoughts, but it’s kinda interesting how that aged.

But everything changed when the lettuce nation attacked.

One day I said N’s hair looked like mint ice cream. Showed N to mom and mom said it looked more like lettuce. And thus a cult was formed.

BUT ANYWAY around that time I was really struggling mentally but I tried to hide it and always managed to force a smile even though I was breaking apart from the inside. I would play Pokémon and Animal Crossing as a way to become happy when things were rough.

During my hiatus from the game because of how hard it was to beat Iris, I had a dream about N helping me beat the game. The next day I was able to defeat her. Around this time I was really beginning to connect with N, and I slowly released how similar we were. After that I almost felt like we were friends, even though he was just a fictional character. It was strange, having feelings for someone I’d never be able to truly meet.

After beating the game and N flew away to another place, I was so sad... well one part was because I couldn’t pay attention since I was in shock that I finally was able to beat Ghetsis, another part was because I thought it was a good idea to include the N’s Farewell song in a memorial video for my cat (I deeply regret this because now I always associate it with my cat’s death), but another reason why is I felt like I was losing someone important to me. A friend. Someone who I had looked up to for a while. Someone who I had been traveling with. I was playing this game for two years, and N was there with me the whole time. It felt like someone I had spent so much time with was gone. I knew I’d see him again someday, but the emotions were just so strong. Losing someone who had helped me so much was painful. Bittersweet.

And thus began my struggle to find the second game.

BUT ANYWAY LET’S SKIP THAT PART AND MOVE ON TO THE SIGNIFICANT STUFF.

I began having lucid dreams again, usually about exploring the Pokémon world and doing things with N. They were fun dreams which brought a sense of comfort to me, especially with the pandemic going on and stuff. I’d always look forward to sleeping, as I knew I’d be able to see my frie-n-d again. The adventures we had always made me happy, and I loved to share them with my friends.

Early February though, I came to a realization:

I was almost exactly like a real life version of N.

So of course I was thinking of N, and I was also thinking about the pain I had been suffering my whole life. I realized that many of the things I went through N had gone through in some way. We had the same experiences and struggles. We’d been hurt for similar reasons, but we managed to push through it and never lost sight of our good nature. While we occasionally would act out or do something bad in response to all the stress, we still tried our hardest to be happy and stay true to ourselves.

Because of this, I finally was able to let go of some of the pain. I felt happier. As if a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Because of N I was able to come to terms with the past and accept it. I knew that I couldn’t change the past, but I might be able to change the future. My experiences made me stronger, and I might be able to use these experiences as a way of stopping it from happening to someone else again.

I’d think to myself “N made it through this, so I can too!” when I felt especially hurt. I pictured N as an older brother or mentor to me who I wanted to impress. I wanted to make N proud. I’d do just about anything to be who I wanted to be.

Even though I’m still struggling with past trauma and get flashbacks, I know I’ll be able to make it through this. Because of Pokémon I managed to make friends and let go of the past. Maybe someday I’ll be fully free and no longer have the dark thoughts I have now. Who knows. But I know that I’ll always have an imaginary friend to count on when I need it.

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mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune · 3 years ago

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Going M.I.A Until July 5th After Being Peeved Off By Toxic-Humans

I just need to have some time for myself,

and I wanted to wait until July to start posting again.

I just need to try to relax and do some self healing,

and it all has to do with finding out a bit more about Scott Cawthon.

look, no one has to agree about the same religious views.

I mean I have to stay in the Neo-Christian/Ma-Acolyte Closet,

as well as the Aceflux closet and the bigender identity closet with my family.

it be nice if it didn’t happen while FNAF Security Breach was still in the works.

I’m not even sure if it’s even finished, I can only hope that someone with a heart picks up where Scott left off and adopts the series but still gives Scott credit.

right now I’m listening to a comfort song right now,

which is Lily Allen’s song F**k You.

I guess I could listen to some other songs to comfort me,

but how I feel, it calls for that song.

I just wish they didn’t bring Trump or the other names that are involved into that mess...

after finding out that Trump had some form involvement of the, my guess bullying...

I did get upset at him enough to cry and say I hate him.

of course I can’t say that to my Mom or half of my family.

sure one half supported him and the other half don’t,

but we are still family.

I don’t much care for Presidents in Real Life, I have very little trust in them.

ones in movies or video games or any form of entertainment, are fine.

since it is just in a fictional world that is at times a counterpart of ours.

no one has to agree about my being mad at Trump, and that’s okay.

I can’t help but think that there is a possibility that Scott had retired

because of the bullying and it possibly being linked to Trump.

we all don’t have to agree to like or dislike Trump.....

but I’m sure a lot of people are upset at those that caused the early retirement

before the Five Nights at Freddy’s Security Breach

but maybe there will be still hope for it,

at least if it is true that Scott has a successor.

and if they do continue work on the Security Breach,

then we can only hope things works out well.

I didn’t know there was gonna be a successor,

until I was just looking up some more info about the whole FNAF thing.

but yeah, with only half of what I know so far,

it is still going to be a part of my Semi-Misanthrope.

I still know there are some good people in this world,

that is why it is “Semi”, which is better than it being the full.

maybe later I can try to look up more info about the whole thing,

but it is still possible the bullying was part of the reason for the early retirement.

I’m still peeved at this one person who was bad mouthing YandereDev.

if they are taking long to finish the game, it is because these things take time,

and also everyone has a off day where they wont be able to work on something right away and might have to put it on hiatus.

if Yandere Simulator ever gets on a Disc or game card,

and ends up being playable on Xbox One or Nintendo Switch...

I hope there will be a mode where we can dress up as Chara from Undertale.

at least there is some good news,

Doki Doki Literature Club will be on Nintendo Switch, I have been meaning to mention that after I had found out some days ago.

and parents should not let their child play it if they are under the age of 15.

don’t go blaming the mature content, when it’s you the parents who are to blame.

hey I did see a movie that I was not the proper age for,

and I wasn’t even a teenage yet when I saw it.

I’m talking about Cool World, I still like it and have the DVD.

but after remembering I had seen that movie, and we had rented it from a place that rented out VHS tapes.

I came to realize that letting me see that too early, even though I don’t think I can remember much about watching it during that time, all I know is that I did watch it.

but at least it didn’t get as mature as the Deadpool Movie,

and I still like the Deadpool Movie.

but anyway I figured out that it was wrong for my family to let me watch Cool World when I wasn’t the proper age for it,

and even letting me watch something else with the “witch” word on it,

when I was a toddler and I ended up saying “Son of a Witch”

of course it wasn’t the word witch, but you get what I’m going with this right?

I had to try to keep my little cousin from playing my Deadpool video game,

and it was lucky I caught them on time when the game had barely started.

did they even think about stopping them before they fully started to playing?

I don’t want to make the same mistake as my Mom or anyone else in my family.

at least the bad word I used wasn’t my first word.

but I had come to realize that it isn’t the mature content to blame,

but the parents, and even if some parents are willing to admit this cold truth.

that is perhaps long overdo, not all parents might admit to it.

if you have any mature stuff either on your computer or even a movie or show on DVD.

make sure to hide it from the child, give them their own computer

but put a child lock on the browser, where only you know the password.

and if you tend to forget passwords, write it on paper then hide it where your child or little sibling, can’t find it and it’s in a place that only you know.

also I want to say this....

I rather be a part of a Neo-LGBT, there can be different types of Aces.

some who are flux like myself, but because of the whole sexual energies,

I didn’t figure it out until I started to protect myself with my bracelets.

a Aceflux person can be a sexual empath, picking up the sexual energies of others when they are either in the same room or a different room all together.

and just because someone is Heteroromantic-Ace, doesn’t mean they should be exclude from the LGBT Community, even if some will still welcome them.

and even if some might not believe that a Ace can end up being a sexual empath, but it might be very rare.

I’m not sure if there are many Aces that are sexual empaths,

and didn’t figure it out until they started to wear gem bracelets to protect themselves.

I think I’m the only one I know of that is doing that.

of course when I had first started to wear a bracelet,

it was because of a dream that felt too real and I was in between awake and asleep and then I was scared awake...

it was also dark and I was laying on my back, that is part of what I remember before being scared awake.

and I can’t tell my family I’m one, or how I believe it had first started.

I rather not talk about that right now.

but the whole me rather being a part of a Neo-LGBT doesn’t really have to do with my being Aceflux, well technically Aroaceflux.

it is for different reasons,

of course I will have to be in the closet about being part of a Neo-LGBT Community......wait, is there already a Neo version...?

well I guess I’m fine being a solo member for now.

at least not everyone in the LGBT Community made false accusations on Scott.

and I’m not sure if my pendulum is being 100% truthful,

when I asked about Scott’s sexuality, I mean when I asked if he was Hetero,

I was given a No, but when I asked if he was Pan, I got a Yes.

but that might not be true,

I mean I guess there is a possibility that it could be true.

but maybe I should throw some salt on my pendulum later.

and if it turn out those questions were true, and I was being given a truthful answer.

then it might make others sorry for bullying him.

plus I want to point out, that you can’t just keep hating someone

who believed the lies that they were taught while growing up

about how a different gender identity from your bio-sex one

or not being hetero, is evil.

it’s only when they end up seeing the truth that they might end up discovering

that they aren’t hetero, and might just be bi or pan instead.

I wanted to tell my my family about me being on the Asexual Spectrum,

well the flux type of it.

but I wanted to get their view on it first, about the Asexuality.

like I had said before, it didn’t work out too well.

and I had to make it seem I wasn’t Asexual at all.

even though I was asked if I was, I didn’t say Yes and made sure to not give away I was one.

then when I went to my room, I started crying.

how I reacted was perfectly normal, as I had found out when I found some info about how a parent shouldn’t disapprove of it.

I love my family, but it’s best that I never come out of the protective closets I place myself in, that I can only come out online.

also I’m gonna try to relax and try to just hope the FNAF series keeps alive and there really being a successor who will continue it.

well now that I know the one who partly more responsible,

is a Toxic Game Journalist........

that person sucks, they suck and I hate them so much.

any Toxic-Journalist that dares do what that one did,

they are just as bad as the paparazzi that harassed a distant cousin of mine.

and if their lies is what got everyone mad at Scott,

at least not everyone, but still.....

I hope that Toxic Game Journalist who started it all,

will get the karma they deserve after they screwed everything up.

and yes while writing this, I wanted to look up more info about the whole FNAF and Scott Cawthon thing.

and it does appear that the root is a toxic game journalist.

and if I had to put two and two together,

I say the Youtube Video that peeved me off before,

that had to do with a doxxing of Scott and [Redacted]

and if had to do with that disgusting filth of a shisno.

if the info had happen some time after that whole mess happen,

then it means that that disgusting human whoever they are,

is the cause of it.

and there is a reason why I put [Redacted]

as I do not wish for the other person/creator of another series,

to be mentioned in this.

Cancel Culture is Evil, even if something does get cancelled,

it shouldn’t involve the cancel culture cult.

don’t blame the content, blame the parents.

Pepe Le Pew deserved better,

he could of been added into the Space Jam 2 Movie,

if he got character development.

he could still flirt, but would learn to keep it a bit more friendly,

and not force himself on a gal he likes.

ya don’t see girl characters being treated the way he has been treated,

Pepe deserves better, not just Amy Rose, Dot Warner and Fifi La Fume.

that is being sexist towards Pepe.

and it’s sexist for women and even some men,

to assume if a guy wears pink or uses a pink straw, he might not be consider a man.

so wait, if a woman wearing a blue shirt or uses a blue straw, she is still a woman...?

only a real man wears pink, uses a pink straw and even cries.

and I really hope there is a Anti-Cancel Culture Group to put that shisno group in their place.

I want to try to hope things get better, and the FNAF will continue,

and Scott will get a apology from those who had believed that shisno.

maybe I should avoid looking more info about it.

I just need to try to do the self healing and hope everything gets better,

and hope it isn’t a cruel joke about there being a successor.

I guess I can try to look it up more about it to check to be sure if it is true.

I’m gonna check a few more stuff on here first, before I sign off.

and I hope some of you understand why I’m upset about what happen with Scott.

it isn’t right what happen, and how it happen.

and no matter if he supported Trump or not, there is some lines that should never cross when it comes to a dislike of a president or former president.

but if it came to picking him or the evil woman, I would only pick him to keep the babies safe.....but I’m not sure if the rumor about Hillary Clinton is true or not,

I mean when I had found out about it, I was praying she wouldn’t become president because I was worried about the innocent lives.

but if the rumors still turn out to be 100% true, I still don’t want her as the first Madam President.

I don’t even trust Biden very much, but I will have to try to hope and pray everything will be okay.

like I said, I don’t fully trust Real Life Presidents.

the best thing I can do is hope and pray that everything will work out.

for real, this will be the last post until July.

but I wont sign back in and post anything again until July 5th.

I’m still listening to Lily Allen’s song, I’m gonna listen to it a few more times.

anyway not all of you might agree with all I said,

and I’m not gonna force you to...

so see ya later, stay safe and beware of shisno.

PS:

Please Do Not Misinterpret anything that was wrote in this.

and I’m gonna hope that not everyone believed that bull about Scott being a Anti-LGBT.

and I do hope the shisno who started that mess, will get karma for what they did and causing FNAF to be almost cancelled for good.

and it better not be cancelled for good,

and there better be truth to the whole successor to the game series.

and if it turns out that my pendulum isn’t joking about Scott’s sexuality,

if it turns out to be 100% true and not a prank my pendulum is pulling.

then I hope he gets a lot of apologizes, not only from the other stuff,

but also about the Anti-LGBT calling.

#self healing #need alone time to heal #five nights at freddy's #someone please adopt five nights at freddy's #successor #neo-lgbt community #beware of shisno

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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“We Have Just Never Listened to Women”: Patrick Ness on Chaos Walking’s Relevance Today

https://ift.tt/3sLzUTC

Patrick Ness’ 2008 science fiction young adult novel The Knife of Never Letting Go was published the same year as Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games, but while the latter launched a dystopian YA franchise, Ness’ Chaos Walking series seemed to attract more of a cult following despite tackling similar early-2000s issues through a speculative lens. While Collins struck an arrow through the heart of reality television, Ness turned his attention to information overload, manifesting it as the Noise: an ever-present broadcast of one’s most private, cringeworthy, hateful, earnest thoughts for all to hear—but only for men.

On the “New World,” an alien planet only recently colonized by humans, the all-male settlement of Prentisstown has ascribed varyingly demanding interpretations of masculinity and morality to their members’ handling of the Noise. Todd Hewitt, the community’s sole boy, must come of age when he faces something even more chaotic than his Noise: the first girl he’s ever seen, a silent space traveler named Viola.

Over a decade later, the book’s dual commentary on information overload and toxic masculinity remains relevant. In fact, as Ness told Den of Geek, the intervening 13 years have only provided more dire inspiration for adapting his novel to the big screen. Doug Liman’s adaptation of Chaos Walking, starring Tom Holland and Daisy Ridley, finally arrives in the UK (it hit the US last month) after a perfect storm of delays, from scheduling around two of the biggest franchise stars to dealing with COVID-19 setbacks. The film conjures a similar lo-fi dystopian setting as Gary Ross’ The Hunger Games film while transforming the book’s free-associating monologue into an ever-present visual and aural halo—not unlike the information overload depicted in more tech-y futuristic tales.

In addition to the forceful depiction of the Noise, Ness spoke with Den of Geek about the book dog’s Noise that didn’t make the final cut, the Western homages behind Mads Mikkelsen’s villainous Mayor Prentiss, and what happens when men don’t listen to women.

DEN OF GEEK: When you first wrote The Knife of Never Letting Go, it was a response to information overload circa 2007. What was it like revisiting the story to adapt it over a decade later?

PATRICK NESS: Gosh, just that the world has gotten so much noisier—that there’s just so much more information coming at us. If the original idea was about questioning how much of ourselves we feel obliged to share and give to the world, that question has only become—not more serious, but we now do it so automatically that I just want to be sure that we keep asking that question: What are we losing, and how much of ourselves do we need to keep our sense of identity? The other big thing that’s happened in the last 13 years is that we’ve all gotten so used to sharing on social media—we’ve gotten so used to what it does, that it’s such a fabric of our lives—that people have now recognized, “I can abuse this. I can use this to tell lies; I can use this to make fake enemies; I can use this to manipulate elections”—for example. The genie isn’t gonna go back into the bottle, and I’m not some doomsayer saying we need to go back to phones and blah blah blah. We need to not forget that we have a choice of what to share and that there are—for all the good things the Internet brings us, which it does—we should not and must not ignore the darker parts of it, because there are very dark parts of it.

That darkness is especially apparent in the culture of Prentisstown and their need to control the Noise. In adapting, did you find yourself approaching Prentisstown differently than when you wrote the book?

Books

Top New Fantasy Books in April 2021

By Megan Crouse

Lots and lots of special effects tests and approaches, some really cool technology. There was a Noise unit on the film, so Tom would stand in the middle of a circle of cameras capturing him from 360 degrees, linking it up. Then the final results are a combination of all those things: technology, some artwork, some animation. My favorite little bit of it is a scene where Daisy Ridley’s walking up a hill and Tom Holland is behind her, and he’s kinda grumpy about her, and he’s complaining, and you see the complaints kinda just fly off the back of his head. That, to me, is what Noise would be.

Was there anything cut from the book, or an early version of the screenplay, that you would have loved to have seen?

One of my favorite characters in the book is called Wilf; and he does play an important part later in the trilogy, as well. But it’s a 500-page book, and at most a movie is a long short story, so you do have to make sacrifices. But what you get in exchange is, there’s a scene in the film where Tom and Daisy are under a little tarp in the rain, and something very funny happens. And that’s not in the book, but what you get in exchange is something like that, a little scene that expresses a ton that you can do visually, because [that scene] wouldn’t work in a book. I don’t mind; you give and you get. I’ve always viewed adaptations, even when it’s not my own work, as a remix. It’s not a cover version, it’s not an exact replica, it’s a remix. If I can start with that premise, then I can feel more creative.

Was there ever a version in which Todd’s dog Manchee has the Noise, like in the book?

Yes! But what you find out very quickly is that it’s all kind of about real estate. The animal Noise is very funny in the book, to me—it always made me laugh—and in a massive novel of 110,000 words, that real estate in the book doesn’t take up much. A movie is much more compressed, so every time an animal spoke, it just took up so much room in the movie. And it is funny, because it’s meant to be, but it kind of unbalanced the story, and it totally took away from what really needed to happen. Read the book, is what I would say, because I still love the idea, it still makes me laugh; but in a movie, it becomes too cartoon-y. We’re not making The Incredible Journey, as wonderful as it is! So you have to make some sacrifices.

The movie ends differently from the book, which is more of a clear cliffhanger setting up book 2, The Ask and the Answer; whereas the movie is left open-ended for sequels, but on a less dire note. What influenced this decision?

Doug Liman is an exploratory filmmaker; it’s a different approach than any director I’ve ever met. He’s really very much about what’s happening on set, what feels the right energy, where are we going—which is why there’s additional photography in all of his films. That’s always planned, it’s always in advance; we always knew that was going to happen, we just had to schedule the two biggest franchise stars in the world. But because of that, the story tends to organically develop. So we thought, Where are these two going in particular now that we have these actors, we have this situation, and it just starts to slightly change.

And I don’t mind that—again, in the remix idea—but what it interestingly has done is that it’s become more pandemic-themed, unintentionally, in that here are all these people who have been presented with a situation completely beyond their control, so how do they adapt? And there is a hopeful feeling at the end of this film, one I think is true, because they’ve really earned it, but also it’s like what we’ve done—we’re talking via Zoom, we’ve adjusted. It’s not perfect, and we’re all waiting for a better world, but we’re also probably not gonna go back to the old world, exactly. We’ve found a way, and that is kinda the whole point of the story, which is, here is the very worst example of people who didn’t find a way, as we move forward to people who do. To me, the ending makes emotional sense.

Are there plans to adapt one or both of the book sequels?

They’re optioned, they’re ready, but with a new series it’s all about if an audience wants it.

How did your experience adapting the screenplay for A Monster Calls influence your work on Chaos Walking?

Very different filmmakers, which is interesting because I always tell people writing novels that there’s no one way to do it—as long as you end up with a novel, you’ve done it right, so find out what works for you. So, a very different experience as a writer, but interesting in their own ways.

Books

Top New Science Fiction Books in April 2021

By Megan Crouse

The great thing about [A Monster Calls director] J.A. Bayona is a real lack of ego about ideas; an idea is good or it’s bad, it doesn’t matter who or where it came from. He’s very clear on that, he’s very sincere about that, and that really frees you up creatively. And so I really try to bring that to anything I collaborate on now; I try to never ever be any kind of snob about my ideas or anybody else’s—it’s just what’s better, what works; an idea is good or bad on its own, not because it came from somebody powerful. I think it makes everybody feel more comfortable; we’re all in it together, trying to make something interesting.

What was it about Daisy, Tom, Mads, et al, that made you feel that they were right for the roles in Chaos Walking? Mads in particular has such a striking look as Mayor Prentiss, with the cowboy hat, jumpsuit, and fabulous fur coat.

That coat is actually a tribute to McCabe & Mrs. Miller, a Warren Beatty Western from Robert Atlman. It’s interesting that they’re all European! We didn’t go out hunting for necessarily European, but also Cynthia [Erivo] is European, and David’s European. Nick [Jonas] is not… [laughs] But there is a sensibility that feels approachable to Tom and Daisy, that I think is their little movie-star magic, that they are not forbidding. Forbidding movie stars can be amazing! But they seem like somebody that you could meet, and talk to; and for a younger-centered film, that is vital, to feel like these could be my friends, and I care about them and am worried about what happens to them. That is what they bring so beautifully to the movie. And Mads has that magnificent face—he’s got such a great acting face, especially for a villain—and his manner, the sort of Scandinavian understatements, I love it.

Especially for a villain who’s trying to hide his thoughts—there’s so much still that comes through on his face.

A villain who thinks he’s right! He doesn’t think he’s a villain—and that’s the scariest kind of all.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Chaos Walking is available for premium rental at home on all digital platforms from 2nd April.

The post “We Have Just Never Listened to Women”: Patrick Ness on Chaos Walking’s Relevance Today appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3wbJf9v

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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fullymechanized-consoomer · 5 years ago

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40K factions and you

Space Marines:

Your favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla, but occasionally you might try some Neapolitan, if you’re feeling dangerous. You’re faction’s lore is designed from the ground up to accept your self-inserts, and the models are some of the easiest to paint in the entire range. None of this matters because no matter how unique you think your super-cool “realistic marines who use real tactics maaaaan” are they’ll always come out looking like a slight variation of the ones below

8th edition has finally allowed you to feel a tiny sliver of the unbalanced and over-costed hell other factions have been stuck in for years, but unlike them, daddy GW is more than willing to spend a little extra on his bulky good bois so they still get all the coolest gear and lore. Like vanilla, small children love them, but they grow out of both eventually.

edit: it was only a matter of time before GW stamped its foot down and made the inevitable decision that its favorite kid needs to be busted again. Then again in all fairness they toned down their overpoweredness from “godlike” to merely “demi-godlike”

Imperial Guard:

You’re a big “history fan”. You’ve seen Enemy at the Gates, watched some history channel shows about Nazi wonder weapons, and make 54 karma post on r/history_memes recycling debunked Eastern Front jokes. Only your intelligent eye is able to conflate this factions obvious Metal Slug levels of cartoonish design and tactics with realism, and you make sure to remind everyone else of said realism by comparing your tabletop exploits to your military experience in the reserves. Everyone used to like you back when the faction was actually made up of underdogs and under appreciated, but the Guant’s Ghosts references have gotten kinda stale, and no one appreciates the brass balls of these Starship Trooper knockoffs now that 8th edition supports and rewards the very same mindless horde tactics the Guard used to be mocked for in Lore. Despite having some of the most tried and true designs in the game, as well as an incredible amount of options, you will quickly find how limiting the only “realistic” army is in terms of customization and paint schemes, as anything but camo, grey, or tan looks goofy and reveals how silly this faction actually is.

edit: If your army consists of wrapping 30 guardsmen around basilisks I recommend you take a short fall down a long flight of stairs. Fuck you, Evan.

Eldar:

You’re a real shooter. You know what you like and you stick with it, cause lets face it, it takes a lot of loyalty to stick with these arrogant pricks. Their designs are unique but dated, their lore is a uneven mishmash of 40k grimdark schmultz Tolkien telephone, and Oliver Twist-esque whipping bois for whenever GW writers need to remind us how cool Space Marines are. But none of that matters because you know the truth: Eldar can kick tons of ass on the board, and look good doing it, as their unique designs lends them to all sorts of brilliant color combinations

And unlike other armies their rare design updates improve on their aesthetic while keeping their 40k-ness, something that is becoming increasingly rare in this era of Tacticool marines and Fantasy-creep. Just don’t expect to be taken seriously by anyone but the old-heads.

Edit: Leave it to the whipping bois to be outshined in their own event and get a single model update. Thanks GW, very cool.

Dark Eldar

You are one of two people: a meta hopping smooth brain who only jumped ship once these guys got one of the best updates in 40k history, or a true intellectual who understood their hidden merit all along. Other faction players like to make fun of you for being edgy, when in reality you know that the Dark Eldar are just a bunch of sociopathic theater kids. They, like you, know how fucked from top to bottom this universe is, and instead of getting depressed they exclaimed “how can we be the best cartoon villains we can be?”. Despite having a relatively bare army list, the fact that these d-bags come in 3 flavors of crazy in a single army offers a ton of variety: the mustache twirling villainy of the Kabals, the crazy bloodstained snuff-stars of the Wych cults, and the BDSM horror show of the Covens. All three offer substantial benefits and drawbacks and must be played carefully in order t-

Who am I kidding? You’re just gonna stuff a bunch of Kabal warriors into Venoms and zoom around the map, aren’t you? Enjoy that speed, because your abysmal save stats wont protect you anything more than a furiously thrown walnut. At least your corpses will look rad clad in some of the grimest armor and gear in the game.

edit: no longer anywhere near as dominent as they were in the earlier years of 8th, but they still look slick as hell and play great.

Orks

Your IQ randomly jumps from 20 to 200 throughout the day. There is no predicting this, no planning around this, no stopping this. You’re best bet is just to go along with it, and that’s why you play Orks. Orks are roudy good-time buddies who love slapstick slaughter, not having thoughts, and occasionally pulling of cunning plans that human savants would struggle to comprehend. Orks seem to be the only faction that know what joy is, which is why you as a player spread it to everyone else. Yes, the memes and screaming can be a bit much to others sometimes, but like with any other mentally handicapped child everyone around just grits their teeth through your bad episodes if it means not upsetting your unique sensibilities. And considering that this army’s aesthetic revolves around cobbled together nonsense, you have a lot of uniqueness to give. Orks are easily the most creative faction in the game when it comes to conversions. Nothing is too goofy, too dumb, or too silly to scrap together. As for performance on the tabletop? Go ham. This is an army that rewards merry bullshit and randomness. Remember, you didn’t pick Orks to win, you picked them to have fun.

edit: So are Orks actually getting anything or what? GW’s plans for this faction is as chaotic as the minds of the ADHD scrambled minds who play them

Necrons

You have a very specific taste in... funky weird-science space Egyptians. Seriously, these guys are practically a completely different army to what they were a decade ago. Gone are the terminator references and eldritch lore nonsense, and here to stay is senility and glyphs. You lie to yourself, saying that you’re not really sure why you chose Necrons, but I know the truth: you chose them because they used to be busted. They used to be unfair. They used to be able to take out top-tier tanks with their version of pea shooters and come back after every turn. So overwhelmed were you by their dazzeling stats and bullshit cheese your brain’s wiring fried and the erratic firing of billions of flayed neurons made you think Necrons had cool lore and interesting models. But now they’ve been nerfed to hell, and you’re no longer stuck in that lasting state of sensory overload. Like a drunk snapping awake with a hangover you come to the painful reality: Necrons are kind of dull. So like me, you put them away in a shoebox forever, leaving their fragile sculpts to slowly fall apart.

Edit: FUCK WHERE IS THE SHOEBOX WHERE DID I LEAVE IT OH GOD OH OH NO OH FUCK THEY’RE ALL BROKEN MAYBE I CAN PUT THEM BACK TOGETHER BEFORE 9th EDITION LAUNCHES I’M SO SORRY FOR WHAT I DID TO YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER I NEED YOU, I NEED MY BOOOOOOOOYS!!!

Tau

You will forever be hated by the community unfairly. You are accuse being anime - and this is true - yet the Eldar get away with being copied wholesale from 80′s space anime and no one seems to notice. You are made fun of for your bad melee, despite having one of the most comprehensively designed niches in an otherwise sloppy game and dominating with nearly every edition. You are made fun of for your lore, despite being largely separate from the cliches and story traps that everyone else has fallen into. You are hated because you are different; hated because you are Asian.

Tau are an anomaly in 40k: a completely new faction that wasn’t directly ripped off of some other franchise and with an aesthetic that is wholly their own. I won’t be making fun of them because they get enough of that, and you don’t deserve it. Just know this dirty secret: Tau outsell almost every other xenos faction, and despite the supposedly unanimous hate are probably one of the strongest factions in terms of play-style and modelling in the franchise.

Edit: The tau are grittier than ever, happy now? They still do the same thing they have always done anyways.

Chaos

Unlike the DE you actually are edgy. You worship satan, you throw rocks at homeless people, you start fires because your dad doesn’t spank you enough. Chaos are the closest things that this cluster fuck of a universe can get to being the main villains. Their lore is at once intricate and stupid, both childish and metal as hell. You play chaos because getting your fingers pricked by the models’ spikes is the closest you can come to feeling anything anymore. Just like the chaos lore you love to hype yourself up, to puff your chest and revel in the darkness inside, but when confronted you tend to fold like wet tissue paper. You’ve stopped playing public games with these guys, because the other players don’t understand you and abuse the meta and make fun of your painting skills and everything is so unfair and don’t you think that chaos marines should get buffs for their points cost, fuck?

Edit: The new models are slick and more power-metal minivan than ever, though the rules are still abysmal despite GW desperately wanting everyone to takes these guys seriously for once.

Sisters of Battle

GW writers and designers hates Catholics and they hate women, so naturally they hate Sister of Battl. They also hate you for playing them. Because of this SoB are a monument to neglected potential. They have one of the best female armor designs in fiction, great lore, and an interesting playstyle that relies on faith/determination based feats of strength and valor... but GW hate Catholics and women, so SoB get shafted everywhere all the time. More often than not you will be disappointed reading about their exploits as they continually get unfairly slaughtered, corrupted into the horny service of the pervert god, or used as receptacles for blood-based paint when the writer’s favorite faction needs to fight demons. With no plastic models in sight for over a decade everyone began to come to the slow and dreadful realization that GW was looking to Squat our favorite estrogen warriors, until a new revamp was announced. Unfortunately the beta rules look as lackluster as ever, but that’s fine, because as a SoB fan you have learned to expect that GW hates you, Catholics, and women.

Edit: GW found God and got woke because now they love women and Jesus’ one true Church, but let it be known that reformation doesn’t occur overnight, as the SOB’s faces still betray GW’s lingering discomfort in the female form:

Their rules are fun, and if every codex was designed like it 40k might actually be a fun game

Tyranids

nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom no- and that’s it that’s the Tyranids. I don’t know anything about them besides that, and neither do you, cause that’s their lore. Yes they have cool models, but next to no reliable updates. I’ll pray for you.

Edit: it really looks like GW has just completely forgotten about you poor souls huh? The Night King, a character who is closely associated with the totally-not-reconned-Tyranid-invasion, comes back and not one word about you guys. They don’t even actively hate you like, say, they hate the Eldar. It’s just... apathy.

Grey Knights

HAHA AHAHAHAHA HA HA UHAHAHA HAHAAHAHAAHAH HAHA ha ha Ah......... he. hehahaaaAHAHAHAHA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

edit: I hope you all realize that Grey Knights are far too specialized in fighting the permanently under performing forces of chaos to be 40ks “elite among elite.” You and your entire faction has been made completely obsolescent by the Custodes. The rough times will continue, say hi to the Squats in heaven will you?

Custodes

You are either insufferably full of yourself or a fine practitioner of the model making craft. Most likely though you are neither, and you picked them because you only need gold and red paint to make them look good. Custodes are the space marine’s space marines, and they’re better than you and everyone else. period. At least in lore. On the table their incredible individual stats and elite status are reflected in points cost, so for most large games you will be fielding what amounts to any other faction’s skirmishing army. Unfortunately, since 40k is a stat-sheet battler that favors raw bulk of rolls and stats over the quality of them, you’d be hard-pressed to do well in any serious game. However, for the luminous of mind, the small size is a blessing in disguise since you don’t need to buy and paint as many units as the other armies, and no matter how hard the guard player trashes you his 50 unpainted manlets will never look as good as your 15 gloriously crafted golden Chads. Stick to smaller games, and the individual strength of each model will make up for the glaring absence caused by their loss.

Ironically enough despite being an elite faction from a relatively obscure part of 40k lore, these attributes make Custodes the perfect casual player’s faction. It is my personal theory that if GW didn’t grossly inflate their prices to such a high degree everyone would have a Custodes army.

Oh yeah, Henry Cavil plays these guys, because of course he does.

#40k #warhammer 40k #table top

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shkspr · 6 years ago

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The Gospel according to David and Michael

transcribed from [x]

Good Omens, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s darkly comic novel about the battle between good and evil, comes to Amazon Prime this spring. To mark the occasion, the British stars of this hugely anticipated show — Michael Sheen and David Tennant — take New York in style. HAYLEY CAMPBELL meets them.

It’s Sunday morning in New York City and it’s snowing outside the warm, jazz-filled Beekman hotel, where a 50th-birthday balloon has been trapped for months at the apex of the glass atrium at the top of one of the city’s first skyscrapers. One thousand New Year’s Eve balloons have risen and fallen in the time this one silver balloon has taken to not die. If the apocalypse were to arrive tomorrow, this balloon would survive along with the cockroaches, the deep-sea fish, and the angel and the demon who tried to avert the disaster. If the prophecies of Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s cult novel Good Omens prove to be correct, this balloon would bob high above their heads as it is doing now — above Michael Sheen and David Tennant, light and dark, good and evil, an angel and a demon sitting either side of me in lower Manhattan, eating eggs.

I last saw these two together in 2017, in the middle of London’s Battersea Park, shooting some early scenes of their hugely anticipated television show. Good Omens is about the birth of Satan, the coming of the End Times, and an angel (Aziraphale — who has been living on Earth since the dawn of creation and is currently working in a bookshop avoiding selling books because he really just likes to collect them) and a demon (Crowley — who used to be known as Crawly, the snake who tempted Eve with the apple). The pair have spent so much time on earth that they’ve come to quite like it, and don’t much fancy the idea of it all ending. The novel was published in 1990 and has gone on to become so loved that it is rare to see a pristine copy in the world: copies of Good Omens almost always come pre-dunked in tea. Shortly before his death from Alzheimer’s in early 2015, Pratchett wrote an email to his collaborator Gaiman asking him to take it to the screen, to do it properly. “I’m making it for Terry,” says Gaiman. “I wanted to make the thing that Terry would have liked.”

Sheen and Tennant star as the angelic and demonic representatives of their respective head offices, Heaven and Hell, along with a knee-weakening list of stars including Jon Hamm as the archangel Gabriel, Spinal Tap’s Michael McKean as the last of a once proud witchfinder army, and Frances McDormand as the voice of God. There’s Miranda Richardson, Jack Whitehall, three quarters of the League of Gentlemen, and Nick Offerman as the father of the Antichrist (sort of). The cast list reads like someone collecting acting talent to put on an ark ready for a biblical flood.

For months, we have tried to get them together again to talk about the end of the world. But life and work had them circling the globe separately, unmatchable as opposing magnets. Sheen is currently in New York filming The Good Fight, in which he plays a Machiavellian lawyer, and Tennant has flown in on the red-eye from Phoenix, Arizona, where he was appearing at the Ace Comic Con, mobbed by Doctor Who fans. Both of them have, since they last saw each other, grown beards. Tennant is ecstatic about the beards, and both are thrilled to see each other, and New York, again.

“I’ve spent a lot of time in New York over the years now,” says Sheen. “But still there’s times where you look at something and you think it just looks so incredibly beautiful, or strange, or filmic. It never loses that sense of unreality. I love being able to take it in by walking through the streets. Los Angeles feels like everything happens indoors, whereas here in New York, everything happens outdoors.”

“I do like New York,” adds Tennant. “I love a big city, and I love a busy city.”

Tennant and Sheen have bumped into each other before, both appearing in Stephen Fry’s 2003 film Bright Young Things, but they were never in the same scene. Sheen voice a character in an episode of Doctor Who written by Gaiman, but by then Tennant’s Doctor had regenerated. They tend to go for similar roles so there’s rarely a chance for them to both be cast — it’s usually one or the other. Gaiman, the author and showrunner of Good Omens, selected Sheen for the role. “I’ve known Michael for about a decade and one of the things that always impressed me about him was his goodness,” he says. “He’s just very good. He radiates goodness and lovability. I was always fascinated by the fact that he tends to play characters who, at least on the outside, are sort of brittle and perhaps a little damaged or dangerous.”

Selecting an actor to play the BMW driving, skinny-jeans-wearing demon was an equally tricky task. “For David, I was writing episode three and there is a scene set in a church. I had to bring Crowley on and suddenly I knew exactly how I needed that scene to be done in order to work: with him coming down the aisle hopping from foot to foot, going ‘ow ow ow ow ow!’ like he’s at the beach in bare feet. Only David Tennant could do that right. People seemed baffled when it was announced that they were cast because they’re a similar kind of actor, but the similarities between them felt so incredibly right when you’re building this kind of thing.”

Tennant and Sheen joke that when the theatre production of Good Omens (hold your horses, there isn’t one) travels the world, they will swap roles every night, even though Sheen says he couldn’t imagine it the other way around: “Ultimately I don’t think I can pull off cool,” he says, as Tennant scoffs in disbelief. “I think it just suits my natural being, that I’m kind of a worrier, and a little bit too anal for my own good. Things annoy me if they’re not quite right. And yet I like to think of myself as being a good person. So all of that hypocrisy and finickiness seems to lend itself to the natural rhythm of Aziraphale.”

“I love that you describe Crowley as cool,” laughs Tennant. “I think he thinks he’s cool, but isn’t.”

Tennant is adamant that having Gaiman as a showrunner is the pin that is holding this strange world together, one that is “tonally sort of nebulous”, but definitely very funny, and one that would benefit from a bingewatch to take it in all at once (all six episodes will be available on Amazon at once and later the BBC will broadcast them week-by-week). “I think if anyone else was running this they would’ve normalised it, would’ve made it saner, and would’ve ironed out some of the quirks of it,” he says. “Neil’s been fantastically clever at making it televisual where he had to, but it still has the madness, the impracticality of the book.”

Plus, there’s the fact that Gaiman is 50 per cent of the book. Because of that, his casting choices landed a little more softly in the world of Good Omens fandom. But Sheen and Tennant aren’t too worried about being unwelcome: they have in their short time as Aziraphale and Crowley discovered that Good Omens fans may be devoted to the point of madness (the cosplay and pornographic fan fiction has already begun), but they are certainly kind. “I have found that Neil’s work is almost like the Arthurian sword in the stone,” says Sheen. “You can only pull the sword out if you are pure of heart. And I think you only like Neil’s stuff if there’s something about you that means you won’t be mean to people on the whole.”

“I think that’s true of Doctor Who fans as well,” says Tennant. “If your mind is set in that way, then you have a generosity of spirit. And there’s quite an overlap between the two fandoms.”

They seem almost wistful until I bring up the airfield. Days after filming during a cold snap in Battersea Park, where we huddled like penguins around glowing heaters in tents, production moved to an airfield outside London where they had built a fake Soho to house Aziraphale’s bookshop. It was the place that changed everyone’s idea of what ‘cold’ actually meant, but it also became the ultimate green room of all time. Both of them look wide-eyed at the mention of the place, for both reasons.

“That blasted airfield! It was blasted in every sense of the word,” says Tennant. “But the great joy was you had all the cast together at once. Between takes we had this big trailer where they would blast the heaters and we’d go and recover.”

“We’d drink hot chocolate, tell stories, and watch TV,” beams Sheen, who says the thing he misses most about the UK is the fact that he can mention The Flumps and people actually know what that is.

“But the only TV channel that would work was some version of Turner Classic Movies,” says Tennant. “Ancient old movies on a loop. Michael McKean would just sit there telling us stories about people he knew or about some sort of terrible Hollywood lifestyle they’d once lived.”

Though it took months to get them both in the same room in the same city, it is a genuine treat to see Sheen and Tennant together. They seem to prop each other up, to fill the space where the other is not, in both acting and conversing. Neither steps on the other’s toes. Above all, they seem to have a deep respect for one another. “It genuinely made me sad when we stopped filming,” says Sheen. “I didn’t want to not be doing it any more.” Good Omens makes you wonder why nobody thought of putting them together sooner. It is the strangest buddy story so far, the one just before the end of the world, starring the most unlikely pals who for some reason quite like each other — mostly because they’ve just been posted here a bit too long by their superiors so they have more in common with each other than they do with Heaven or Hell — and, crucially, quite like us. It’s the kind of thing that makes you believe the world is worth saving.

#p.txt #good omens #david #michael #gomens #you know a bitch wrote this out as a public service #sorry if ur on mobile :// c'est longue #david tennant #michael sheen

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heroselect · 5 years ago

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🎈 🎁 📚 📕

🎈 = How do the mun and muse react to surprises? When is the last time either was surprised and what surprised them?

Depends on the surprise, really! Is it a nice one? Roadhog would be utterly surprised and speechless, a little confused, too. But very, very happy. A bad one? Well… he’s got a pretty pessimistic approach towards the world in general, so let’s be real, he probably expected it anyway.

He’ll just be a little more pissed than usual.

The last time he was surprised would be probably when suddenly, like, 10 people wanted to hold his hand(as a response to a post I made yesterday). Positively surprised, definitely. Even though he did not really know what to do with all that attention.

As for me myself? I am the person who always expects the best while fearing the worst. I kinda… expect both outcomes while, of course, hoping things will go well, in the end. That is not always the case, of course, but what can you do.

The last time I was surprised, properly, was last Friday when I received quite an impressive amount of sweets and flowers from my co-workers on my last day of work. I won’t lie, I cried. Quite a bit. And then hugged everyone. They were so awkward, it was precious, lol.

🎁 = What sorts of gifts do the mun and muse like? What were the last gifts they gave and received?

I feel like both of us enjoy practical gifts a lot, though neither of us would say no to cute little plush toys of jewelry, either. Our tastes regarding the particular gift options differ quite a bit, yes, but overall we are pretty much on the same page here.

I myself like receiving art-related gifts. Sketchbooks, pencils, art books, all of that.

Roadhog? He likes to tinker quite a bit, actually, though it’s nowhere as obsessive as with Junkrat. He likes gifts such as cool stickers for his motorcycle, colourful patches to add to his collection, food - oh, food is a great gift - and, of course, everything and anything Pachimari-related.

And if you want to give him all your money? He won’t say no.

📚 = What sorts of books do the mun and muse like to read? Do you they have a favorite author or book?

Neither I or Hog really have a favourite author, though there are quite a few honourable mentions I could bring up.

As for the book genres - I do enjoy historical novels and books about criminal cases, fictional or not, quite a bit. I do like myself stories featuring gritty, grotesque and morbid topics. Maybe that is why historical medicine, in particular, seems so fascinating to me. It was pretty messed up stuff, all of that.

Oh, and maybe that is the reason why my best friend thinks I would become the leader of a cult, worshipping some elder God, one day. I can see it happening, really.

As for Hog! He enjoys more light-hearted topics when it comes to books he reads, really. He’s got a huge soft spot for romance stories, even the bad, sappy ones, the ones sold at the kiosk, with the new chapter published each week.

He will also never let go of the conviction that Pride and Prejudice(2005) is the best movie version of the book that can ever be made, fight him on this one.

📕 = What was the last book the mun and muse read? What genre was it? How would they rate it? Are they currently reading anything?

The latest book Roadhog has read would be some soft or quantum physics thing he borrowed from Sigma during the short time they traveled together, really. He didn’t really enjoy reading it, didn’t understand much, since it was clearly made with folks with advanced knowledge of the topic in mind. But hey, he’s shown some interest in it.

I am currently slowly but steadily getting through ‘Good Omens’, with a rather long To Read list to look through remaining. I must say, I enjoy the writing and humor quite a bit - but then again, Terry Pratchett co-wrote this masterpiece. I don’t know what else anyone should expect. The book just had to be good!

@massiif // Mun VS Muse — send a symbol!

#there you go! took me long enough omg #massiif #(ooc.)#(ooc asks.)#(character study.)

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lydiaandarry · 6 years ago

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{5 Cartoons That Could Possibly Survive a Live Action TV Remake}

Hello there!

My name is Arabella but you can call me Arry, if it’s easier. I don’t know about you but I basically grew up on cartoons. And it seems to be a new craze in television history for cartoons to be remade into new adaptations for a new audience. It doesn’t surprise me that cartoons are the main source for this as they are noticeable. Recently, Riverdale and Sabrina: The Teenage Witch have been remade into CW Television Shows. And while I find Riverdale to not be that great of adaptation and murder of character. I have heard more nicer things about Sabrina: The Teenage Witch yet never watched it. Despite this and me thinking this television shows have not survived their live-action adaptations. I will be listing five cartoons that I think could survive a Live-Action Adaptation and I will explain my reasoning and how it may be done and also issues that may be concerning. Let’s invade this topic!

(Scooby Doo)

My favorite cartoon of all time, Scooby Doo. I am nineteen years old and I have yet to grow out of Scooby Doo and probably never will. It is reaching its 50th year anniversary this year and is still a cult classic. We have had four (not including Daphne & Velma) live-action films that have featured Scooby Doo but we are talking about television shows here. I personally think that Scooby Doo could do better as a live-action television show because you can get multiple mysteries, more monsters and the characters will receive more development. You can also have guest star characters such as The Hex Girls. Yet I have my doubts due to how poorly Archie has been transformed with Riverdale. I feel like Scooby Doo will help avoid stereotypes and forced diverse tropes. As the gang is one of the most diverse group of characters ever. It would be extra amazing if they added in the 60’s-70’s fun charm that the cartoon had. And of course, kept it light-hearted and fun yet aiming it for more young adults and less-so teenagers and children. This will open doors. After watching Daphne & Velma, I do have concerns with forced diversity that may murder the characters as Daphne and Velma did not portray either character accurately. In the name of forcing female empowerment yet ignoring the female empowerment that is there. Fred is the brave, kind-hearted, hilarious and slightly clueless jock who is friends with everyone. Daphne is the fashion-motivated, kick-ass and clumsy popular girl whose greatest value is how quick she finds out things. Velma is the intelligent, sarcastic nerd who is an equal to Fred and fits in perfectly. Shaggy is the hippie who is hilarious, a scaredy cat and athletic who has yet to use more than 1% of his power. And Scooby Doo is the animal sidekick who has character development and has an actual snack named after him. It would make a great television show if done properly and written great.

(The Jetsons)

I promise, these are not all Hanna-Barbera shows. Except that all of them could be made into wonderful adaptations. The Jetsons is about a futuristic family who live in 2062 that includes George Jetson, a hard-working father. His wife Jane who shops and takes care of the house. His oldest child and only daughter, Judy whose a teenage girl and slightly rebellious. And his youngest child and only son Elroy whose an intelligent kid. And their dog Astro and robot Rosie. Non-surprisingly, The Jetsons is actually outdated and nothing like the actual future. This adds a lot of fun aspects with mixing vintage and newly futuristic ideas. While introducing new concepts into the already existing plot. The Jetsons unfortunately was limited due to animation budget and short-running time with only two seasons that they weren’t able to expand the universe. I feel as if, a new revival of the show could potentially expand the universe and make the characters a bit more realistic. As they are your average futuristic family who can go through relatable issues while keeping with the theme. They could also embark on making Judy more fashion-forward and gifting us unique character designs for the character. As I know that Judy was my favorite character and definitely someone that I could relate to. And of course, keeping the 60’s charm and having more humor. Less dramatics for TV Remakes please! Embrace the humor. And sci-fi is definitely still selling in pop culture and with the graphics we have nowadays, The Jetsons would look absolutely stunning compared to what would have happened if they had perhaps made one in the past. Again, it all comes down to casting and writing. The real-life aesthetics of The Jetsons would be beautiful cinematography wise. It may seem a bit more impossible due to how high a budget would probably have to be to achieve most of the futuristic aspects like flying cars and in the air scenery. Yet the best thing to take advantage of with The Jetsons is how vintage the futuristic aspects are, they can really use a retro futuristic vibe. The Jetson’s futuristic isn’t on the same level as Star Wars or even typical Sci-fi. The effects do not need to be overly complicated as it is mostly dependant on vibe and charm. They could very much go for an Indie vibe where it could be made with a low budget. Choosing style and substance over realism and overdone effects.

(The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy)

Hear me out, as this is a weird one. I grew up with The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy and I lowkey blame it for my dark sense of humor. Mandy was one of those unique characters whose clothes did not match her personality whatsoever. Billy was humorous with how stupid yet straightforward he was. And Grim is… I relate to Grim in my old age. This show was such a creative premise to young me that like I adored it. Of course, I loved all things creepy. But seeing that Billy and Mandy and the other young characters were only 9, it is a realization that it may be physically impossible to have a live-action show where the young actors could react in a way similar to let’s say Mandy and Nergal Jr. However after some consideration, I realized that as this will probably be a revamped version, that they could age up the characters. And we could see how Mandy, Billy and the rest have developed into older ages. This of course brings up a lot of new ideas and concepts, new plotlines, and new character developments. Aging them to be teenagers and even young adults can add a more mature theme while keeping the dark humor. It can be darker yet still keep the fun and theatrical side. As it would no longer be targeted to young children but more so, the audience who grew up with the show. Seeing how our childhood characters have grown up to be near our ages. This could bring up more conflicts, relationships, and dynamics. Especially because a popular ship is Mandy and Billy as they are older, so it would be interesting to see if that would come to screen and if they would be compatible being at least ten years older at most. And of course, the graphics would absolutely fantastic since we have ways to make CGI look realistic and would bring on the creep factor. And perhaps, they could even give Nergal Jr more of a character and more humorous scenes. It could survive a TV Remake in this sense because it would be more so, a sequel and they would be working on newer material and not trying to perfect older material which may come in handy with writing.

(Totally Spies)

If anyone asked me what my three favorite girl-based cartoons were as a child, I would always respond with, “Powerpuff Girls, Bratz, and Totally Spies”. Totally Spies was my ultimate dream television show, they were my Charlie’s Angels before I discovered Charlie’s Angels. Even in my youth, they were relatable. And I don’t care what anyone says, Totally Spies was ahead of its time and very diverse. You had Clover, the fashion-forward girl with a sassy personality and although her flaw was being shallow, she usually always learned her lesson. Sam, the introverted and intelligent one of the group who figures things out quickly yet is too quick to trust others. Alex, the hilarious and tough one who has problems with being invisible. They were feminine and kick-ass and taught me that I shouldn’t be ashamed to be into clothes or hair or makeup as I could still kick ass. I think Totally Spies has the diversity that Hollywood is looking for as they will not have to force anything into the mix, it can be a relatable and humorous show about three girls who are best friends and spies. They can have awesome character designs, great dialog, and mix realistic issues into the fictional issues of being a teenage spy. While also showing girl power and how to handle evil people. While also bringing back former fashion trends, especially the 70’s that Totally Spies is known for. With cool costumes and cool gadgets. This would be a kick-ass show when given the right humor, writing, casting and charm. No one can prove to me otherwise.

(Daria)

I am ending this on a rather tricky note as this television show really depends. With the other ones, they’re classics but changes can be made. Daria was ahead of its time and has relatable humor that even fits now. I remember discovering Daria when I was fifteen and going through a tough time and she really learnt to accept myself and my sense of humor. Now while Daria is being rebooted and I have lots of issues with the reboot before it has even come out like the fact it’s called “Daria & Jodie” when Jane Lane was a bigger character than Jodie yet they just ignore her because diversity. I do think if they were to reboot Daria properly, a live-action television show could be great. It will give a new element to the already great show. Of course, casting Daria would be rather hard as you need someone who can remain likeable yet still have a sarcastic aura. And Jane, the slightly more expressive witty best friend. And of course, Trent, the hot older brother of Jane who should have gotten with Daria! Daria is a great show for all ages, especially teenagers to young adults as it really shows the humor of common high school stereotypes. While keeping the complexity of each stereotype in its sense. A lot of Daria’s quotes still hit a string with me to this day. Especially the one where she is at college open-house and responds to the woman asking what goals she has, “My goal is to not wake up at 40 with the bitter realization that I’ve wasted my life on a job that I hate because I was forced to decide on a career in my teens”. That quote still stays by me as I am nineteen now and it’s like my life motto at the moment. And a live-action Daria could play off the nostalgia and have a lot of older watchers which will make it more money than a reboot that may destroy the characters for the sake of diversity. And forgets the true importance of Jodie. I would rather watch a live-action television show than a reboot cartoon as reboots never go well in cartoons.

Well, that was five cartoons that I feel can survive a live-action remake and how they could. Keep in mind that everything you just read is my opinion and I am not asking Hollywood to look at my post and make all of these into live-action television shows. As the thought of that frightens me. Yet I feel like with the right cast and writers, it can be done. Thank you for reading my post. If you like my post, feel free to follow our Tumblr as I write posts on every Wednesday and Saturday similar to this one. And also feel free to like or reblog the post. I’ll see you on Wednesday! Peace out!

#television shows #live action remake #post #scooby doo #the jetsons #hanna barbera #the grim adventures of billy and mandy #cartoon network #totally spies #girl power #female empowerment #daria #my opinion #cartoon characters

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cromulentbookreview · 6 years ago

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Weaponized Jaws

Or: Seafire by Natalie C. Parker!

Action on the seas featuring badass female protagonists? Yeah, I’m definitely going to read that. Very little needed in the way of convincing me to read this book.

Seafire had been advertised before as Fury Road meets Wonder Woman meets the ocean, which makes sense. Though with much less Wonder Woman and way more of Kevin Costner's Waterworld.

Alright, children, gather around while I explain to you what Waterworld was.

Yeah, Waterworld. Not a video game, it was a movie starring Kevin Costner, the world’s only American-accented Robin Hood (hey, I like that movie, Alan Rickman was a treasure and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise). Waterworld came out in 1995 and was massive flop, now a bit of a cult-classic. I remember 1995, somewhat vaguely. God I’m an Old now, aren’t I?

I’ll never be as cool as Steve Buscemi, though.

For those of you who enjoy both Fury Road and Waterworld, then you’ll definitely like Seafire. I love anything that takes place on the ocean - a side effect of my strange Dudes on Boats fixation that I’ve mentioned previously (my apologies to For a Muse of Fire, . Sea stories are kind of my thing. So is post-apocalyptic YA fiction. So this book ticked all the “I need entertainment and want to forget the news exists right now” boxes and worked out perfectly.

Caledonia Styx lives in Crapsack Waterworld, a post-apocalyptic flooded version of our world (referenced occasionally as the “old world”, flooded/destroyed as a result of some unknown calamity). Caledonia has the misfortune to live in an area controlled by Aric Athair, a vicious warlord and sir-not-appearing-in-this-book (since Seafire is the first in a planned trilogy, I’m sure we’ll meet him eventually). Anyway, Athair controls his war boys, called Bullets, by drugging them with something called Silt, made from some sort of weird hybrid poppy-flower-thing. Life in Athair’s territory sucks, so Caledonia’s mom, Rhona, and a bunch of other families have gotten together on the Styx family’s ship, the Ghost, to break through Athair’s blockade and head off to freedom elsewhere.

Unfortunately, the night the Ghost intends to escape, Caledonia and her best friend Pisces (they’re really big on the names from Greco Roman mythology in crapsack Waterworld) are sent ashore to gather some last minute supplies. Caledonia comes across a bullet called Lir, who asks for her help. It’s all bullshit, though - the second Caledonia gives away the location of the Ghost, Lir and his fellow bullets attack, slaughtering Caledonia and Pisces’s families and sinking the Ghost.

Pisces didn’t witness Lir’s treachery, though, and Caledonia, feeling responsible for the deaths of all those onboard the Ghost, keeps that bit where she gave away the position of the ship to herself. That makes sense, considering how guilty it feels, but later, as Caledonia refers to Pisces as her “sister”, the fact that she kept this bit of intel under wraps does become a tad annoying. Especially when Caledonia refuses, multiple times, to clarify why it is she does’t trust Bullets. She’s just like “nope, can’t trust Bullets” instead of “no, that one time I trusted a Bullet, he slaughtered our families.”

Anyway!

Four years after the deaths of their families, Caledonia and Pisces have raised and repaired the Ghost, renaming it the Mors Navis.

(Language nerd sidebar: Mors Navis, by the way, is Latin for Death Ship. Thank you Google translate! No thanks to my 10+ years of German education. Why couldn’t I have picked a Latin language? Noo, I had to go with the Germanics. Mors Navis does sound way more menacing than Totenschiff. Eat it, B. Traven).

Over those four years, Caledonia, acting as captain, and Pisces, her first mate, have collected a crew composed entirely of girls and women, all of whom have no love for Aric Athair and his Bullet army. Caledonia and her crew basically go around the Bullet seas, making life hell for Athair’s people. During one such mission, Pisces is wounded and then captured, only to be rescued and returned to the Mors Navis by a Bullet who claims he wants to escape. Caledonia, who has literally zero reasons to trust Bullets, doesn’t trust him. Pisces points out, reasonably, that he saved her life when he could have left her to die. But Caledonia simply repeats her mantra of “no trusting Bullets” while refusing to elaborate.

Until the Bullet lets it slip that Donnally and Ares, Caledonia and Pisces’s brothers, respectively, survived the massacre on board the Ghost and were pressed into Athair’s drug-addled Bullet army. He knows what ship Donnally and Ares are on, and the route it takes to bring in conscripts (read: children stolen from their families, drugged, and forced into Athair’s army, refusal to comply met with extreme violence, in the usual fashion of a murderous tyrant).

Suddenly, Caledonia has reason to question her strict “don’t trust Bullets” policy. But it’s one of those Meek’s Cutoff situations: the Bullet could be a lying sack of shit and leading the Mors Navis into a trap. Or he could be telling the truth, leading Caledonia and Pisces to their long-lost brothers. What to do?

Well, it’d be a pretty short book if they just shot the Bullet, dumped his body in the ocean and moved on, wouldn’t it?

It took me a little longer to read Seafire than I intended - I’m a slow reader anyway, but while I was reading Seafire, I was also binging on Scott Lynch’s Gentleman Bastard series (which are fantastic by the way - highly recommend the audiobooks, Michael Page is an amazing audiobook narrator) so my focus may have been just a wee bit divided. My biggest complaint is now we have yet another seafaring heroine with red hair. How come all the seafaring heroines have to have red hair? Also, it’s funny you should bring up red hair, because in the world of the Gentleman Bastards, bad things happen to girls with red hair. Seriously, how come all the fiery heroine types have to have red hair? I mean, it’s not like I’m jealous or anything. I mean, it’s not like I should have been born with red hair, but no, it ended up a dull, boring blonde, and hair dye is expensive and smells terrible...

Uhm.

I mean.

Seriously, though, red hair is a rare thing - if Caledonia’s father had dark hair and her mother had red hair, the most likely outcome would be a bunch of kids with...dark hair. Though if her father did have a recessive red-hair gene, then it’s entirely possible for him to have produced red-headed children... So I guess it’s possible.

Not that I’m annoyed that my hair didn’t turn out red. Even though it should have, goddamn it! I know those recessive genes are in there somewhere!

Stupid lousy blonde hair grumble grumble grumble...

Ok, back to Seafire - it is definitely a highly enjoyable book, lots of nonstop action, but not a lot of resolution because it’s the first in an intended series. I highly recommend breezing through the book in one go, rather than endlessly picking it up and then putting it down in order to find out whether or not Locke and Jean finally kiss (they don’t).

But yes, jealousy over fictional characters’ red hair aside, the only major complaint I have about Seafire rests with a single line. The thing about reading ARCs, which I think I’ve mentioned before but, again, nobody reads these, so I might as well: ARCs are not finished copies. The final copy of Seafire might not even feature this line, so it seems silly to complain about it, but complaining is fun so I’ll do it anyway.

So the secondary-boss villain, Lir, Caledonia’s sworn enemy as he killed her whole goddamn family, is described as having a “long face with a jaw that looked sharp enough to be a weapon of its own.”

From that line onward I found I was unable to focus on anything except how a man’s jaw could be sharp enough to constitute a weapon. It’s a question that’s been driving me to distraction for weeks now. Is Lir’s jawline sharp enough that it comes to a point, like a knife? What would that look like on a three-dimensional human person? How would one wield their weaponized jaws? Like a battering ram? Or would you just like, wave your head around like a sword? Does this mean his chin comes to a point, too? That one line of the galley proof of Seafire has caused me more consternation than anything else in the book - and this is a book that features lots of violence. Lots and lots of it. And here I am contemplating a man with a weaponized jawbone.

I mean, of the whole book it’s one line and it doesn’t even matter but...but...gah, I can’t help but picture a guy with knives for a jaw.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Fans of badass female protagonists kicking ass on the high seas, fans of YA lit who also happen to be fans of Kevin Costner’s Waterworld.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone who takes physical descriptions of fictional far too literally.

RELEASE DATE: August 28, 2018

RATING: 4/5

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR SEQUEL: Lhotse

OBLIGATORY STYX REFERENCE:

#seafire #natalie c parker #ya fiction #ya action/adventure #young adult fiction #review #badass female characters #sea stories #post apocalyptic #caledonia styx #mors navis #seafire trilogy

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shirlleycoyle · 4 years ago

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What Alternate Reality Games Teach Us About the Dangerous Appeal of QAnon

This story was originally published on mssv.net by Adrian Hon (@adrianhon)

The far-right QAnon conspiracy theory is so sprawling, it’s hard to know where people join. Last week, it was 5G cell towers, this week it’s Wayfair; who knows what next week will bring? But QAnon’s followers always seem to begin their journey with the same refrain: “I’ve done my research.”

I’d heard that line before. In early 2001, the marketing for Steven Spielberg’s latest movie, A.I., had just begun. YouTube wouldn’t launch for another four years, so you had to be eagle-eyed to spot the unusual credit next to Haley Joel Osment, Jude Law, and Frances O’Connor: Jeanine Salla, the movie’s “Sentient Machine Therapist.”

Close-up of the A.I. movie poster

Soon after, Ain’t It Cool News (AICN) posted a tip from a reader:

“Type her name in the Google.com search engine, and see what sites pop up…pretty cool stuff! Keep up the good work, Harry!! –ClaviusBase”

(Yes, in 2001 Google was so new you had to spell out its web address.)

The Google results began with Jeanine Salla’s homepage but led to a whole network of fictional sites. Some were futuristic versions of police websites or lifestyle magazines; others were inscrutable online stores and hacked blogs. A couple were in German and Japanese. In all, over twenty sites and phone numbers were listed.

By the end of the day, the websites racked up 25 million hits, all from a single AICN article suggesting readers ‘do their research’. It later emerged they were part of one of the first-ever alternate reality games (ARG), The Beast, developed by Microsoft to promote Spielberg’s movie.

The way I’ve described it here, The Beast sounds like enormous fun. Who wouldn’t be intrigued by a doorway into 2142 filled with websites and phone numbers and puzzles, with runaway robots who need your help and even live events around the world? But consider how much work it required to understand the story and it begins to sound less like “watching TV” fun and more like “painstaking research” fun. Along with tracking dozens of websites that updated in real time, you had to solve lute tablature puzzles, decode base 64 messages, reconstruct 3D models of island chains that spelt out messages, and gather clues from newspaper and TV adverts across the US.

This purposeful yet bewildering complexity is the complete opposite of what many associate with conventional popular entertainment, where every bump in your road to enjoyment has been smoothed away in the pursuit of instant engagement and maximal profit. But there’s always been another kind of entertainment that appeals to different people at different times, one that rewards active discovery, the drawing of connections between clues, the delicious sensation of a hunch that pays off after hours or days of work. Puzzle books, murder mysteries, adventure games, escape rooms, even scientific research—they all aim for the same spot.

What was new in The Beast and the ARGs that followed it was less the specific puzzles and stories they incorporated, but the sheer scale of the worlds they realised—so vast and fast-moving that no individual could hope to comprehend them. Instead, players were forced to cooperate, sharing discoveries and solutions, exchanging ideas, and creating resources for others to follow. I’d know: I wrote a novel-length walkthrough of The Beast when I was meant to be studying for my degree at Cambridge.

QAnon is not an ARG. It’s a dangerous conspiracy theory, and there are lots of ways of understanding conspiracy theories without ARGs. But QAnon pushes the same buttons that ARGs do, whether by intention or by coincidence. In both cases, “do your research” leads curious onlookers to a cornucopia of brain-tingling information.

In other words, maybe QAnon is… fun?

ARGs never made it big. They came too early and It’s hard to charge for a game that you stumble into through a Google search. But maybe their purposely-fragmented, internet-native, community-based form of storytelling and puzzle-solving was just biding its time…

This blog post expands on the ideas in my Twitter thread about QAnon and ARGs, and incorporates many of the valuable replies. Please note, however, that I’m not a QAnon expert and I’m not a scholar of conspiracy theories. I’m not even the first to compare QAnon to LARPs and ARGs.

But my experience as lead designer of Perplex City, one of the world’s most popular and longest-running ARGs, gives me a special perspective on QAnon’s game-like nature. My background as a neuroscientist and experimental psychologist also gives me insight into what motivates people.

Today, I run Six to Start, best known for Zombies, Run!, an audio-based augmented reality game with half a million active players, and I’m writing a book about the perils and promise of gamification.

It’s Like We Did It On Purpose

Perplex City “Ascendancy Point” Story Arc

When I was designing Perplex City, I loved sketching out new story arcs. I’d create intricate chains of information and clues for players to uncover, colour-coding for different websites and characters. There was a knack to having enough parallel strands of investigation going on so that players didn’t feel railroaded, but not so many that they were overwhelmed. It was a particular pleasure to have seemingly unconnected arcs intersect after weeks or months.

Merely half of the “Q-web“

No-one would mistake the clean lines of my flowcharts for the snarl of links that makes up a QAnon theory, but the principles are similar: one discovery leading to the next. Of course, these two flowcharts are very different beasts. The QAnon one is an imaginary, retrospective description of supposedly-connected data, while mine is a prescriptive network of events I would design.

Except that’s not quite true. In reality, Perplex City players didn’t always solve our puzzles as quickly as we intended them to, or they became convinced their incorrect solution was correct, or embarrassingly, our puzzles were broken and had no solution at all. In those cases we had to rewrite the story on the fly.

When this happens in most media, you just hold up your hands and say you made a mistake. In video games, you can issue an online update and hope no-one’s the wiser. But in ARGs, a public correction would shatter the uniquely-prolonged collective suspension of disbelief in the story. This was thought to be so integral to the appeal of ARGs, it was termed TINAG, or “This is Not a Game.”

So when we messed up in Perplex City, we tried mightily to avoid editing websites, a sure sign this was, in fact, a game. Instead, we’d fix it by adding new storylines and writing through the problem (it helped to have a crack team of writers and designers, including Naomi Alderman, Andrea Phillips, David Varela, Dan Hon, Jey Biddulph, Fi Silk, Eric Harshbarger, and many many others).

We had a saying when these diversions worked out especially well: “It’s like we did it on purpose.”

Every ARG designer can tell a similar war story. Here’s Josh Fialkov, writer for the Lonelygirl15 ARG/show:

“Our fans/viewers would build elaborate (and pretty neat) theories and stories around the stories we’d already put together and then we’d merge them into our narrative, which would then engage them more. The one I think about the most is we were shooting something on location and we’re run and gunning. We fucked up and our local set PA ended up in the background of a long selfie shot. We had no idea. It was 100% a screw up. The fans became convinced the character was in danger. And then later when that character revealed herself as part of the evil conspiracy — that footage was part of the audiences proof that she was working with the bad guys all along — “THATS why he was in the background!” They literally found a mistake – made it a story point. And used it as evidence of their own foresight into the ending — despite it being, again, us totally being exhausted and sloppy. And at the time hundreds of thousands of people were participating and contributing to a fictional universe and creating strands upon strands.”

Conspiracy theories and cults evince the same insouciance when confronted with inconsistencies or falsified predictions; they can always explain away errors with new stories and theories. What’s special about QAnon and ARGs is that these errors can be fixed almost instantly, before doubt or ridicule can set in. And what’s really special about QAnon is how it’s absorbed all other conspiracy theories to become a kind of ur-conspiracy theory such that seems pointless to call out inconsistencies. In any case, who would you even be calling out when so many QAnon theories come from followers rather than “Q”?

Yet the line between creator and player in ARGs has also long been blurry. That tip from “ClaviusBase” to AICN that catapulted The Beast to massive mainstream coverage? The designers more or less admitted it came from them. Indeed, there’s a grand tradition of ARG “puppetmasters” (an actual term used by devotees) sneaking out from “behind the curtain” (ditto) to create “sockpuppet accounts” in community forums to seed clues, provide solutions, and generally chivvy players along the paths they so carefully designed.

As an ARG designer, I used to take a hard line against this kind of cheating but in the years since, I’ve mellowed somewhat, mostly because it can make the game more fun, and ultimately, because everyone expects it these days. That’s not the case with QAnon.

Yes, anyone who uses 4chan and 8chan understands that anonymity is baked into the system such that posters frequently create entire threads where they argue against themselves in the guise of anonymous users who are impossible to distinguish or trace back to a single individual – but do the more casual QAnon followers know that?

Local Fame

A Beautiful Mind

Pop culture’s conspiracy theorist sits in a dark basement stringing together photos and newspaper clippings on their "crazy wall." On the few occasions this leads to useful results, it’s an unenviable pursuit. Anyone choosing such an existence tends to be shunned by society.

But this ignores one gaping fact: piecing together theories is really satisfying. Writing my walkthrough for The Beast was rewarding and meaningful, appreciated by an enthusiastic community in a way that my molecular biology essays most certainly were not. Online communities have long been dismissed as inferior in every way to “real” friendships, an attenuated version that’s better than nothing, but not something that anyone should choose. Yet ARGs and QAnon (and games and fandom and so many other things) demonstrate there’s an immediacy and scale and relevance to online communities that can be more potent and rewarding than a neighbourhood bake sale. This won’t be news to most of you, but I think it’s still news to decision-makers in traditional media and politics.

Good ARGs are deliberately designed with puzzles and challenges that require unusual talents—I designed one puzzle that required a good understanding of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs—with problems so large that they require crowdsourcing to solve, such that all players feel like welcome and valued contributors.

Needless to say, that feeling is missing from many people’s lives:

“ARGs are generally a showcase for special talent that often goes unrecognized elsewhere. I have met so many wildly talented people with weird knowledge through them.”

If you’re first to solve a puzzle or make a connection, you can attain local fame in ARG communities, as Dan Hon, COO at Mind Candy (makers of the Perplex City ARG), notes. The vast online communities for TV shows like Lost and Westworld, with their purposefully convoluted mystery box plots, also reward those who guess twists early, or produce helpful explainer videos. Yes, the reward is “just” internet points in the form of Reddit upvotes, but the feeling of being appreciated is very real. It’s no coincidence that Lost and Westworld both used ARGs to promote their shows.

Wherever you have depth in storytelling or content or mechanics, you’ll find the same kind of online communities. Games like Bloodborne, Minecraft, Stardew Valley, Dwarf Fortress, Animal Crossing, Eve Online, and Elite Dangerous, they all share the same race for discovery. These discoveries eventually become processed into explainer videos and Reddit posts that are more accessible for wider audiences.

The same has happened with modern ARGs, where explainer videos have become so compelling they rack up more views than the ARGs have players (not unlike Twitch). Michael Andersen, owner of the Alternate Reality Gaming Network news site, is a fan of this trend, but wonders about its downside—with reference to conspiracy theorists:

“[W]hen you’re reading (or watching) a summary of an ARG? All of the assumptions and logical leaps have been wrapped up and packaged for you, tied up with a nice little bow. Everything makes sense, and you can see how it all flows together. Living it, though? Sheer chaos. Wild conjectures and theories flying left and right, with circumstantial evidence and speculation ruling the day. Things exist in a fugue state of being simultaneously true-and-not-true, and it’s only the accumulation of evidence that resolves it. And acquiring a “knack” for sifting through theories to surface what’s believable is an extremely valuable skill—both for actively playing ARGs, and for life in general.And sometimes, I worry that when people consume these neatly packaged theories that show all the pieces coming together, they miss out on all those false starts and coincidences that help develop critical thinking skills. …because yes, conspiracy theories try and offer up those same neat packages that attempt to explain the seemingly unexplained. And it’s pretty damn important to learn how groups can be led astray in search of those neatly wrapped packages.”

“SPEC”

I’m a big fan of the SCP Foundation, a creative writing website set within a shared universe not unlike The X-Files. Its top-rated stories rank among the best science fiction and horror I’ve read. A few years ago, I wrote my own (very silly) story, SCP-3993, where New York’s ubiquitous LinkNYC internet kiosks are cover for a mysterious reality-altering invasion.

CITYBRIDGE/NYC

Like the rest of SCP, this was all in good fun, but I recently discovered LinkNYC is tangled up in QAnon conspiracy theories. To be fair, you can say the same thing about pretty much every modern technology, but it’s not surprising their monolith-like presence caught conspiracy theorists’ attention as it did mine.

It’s not unreasonable to be creeped out by LinkNYC. In 2016, the New York Civil Liberties Union wrote to the mayor about “the vast amount of private information retained by the LinkNYC system and the lack of robust language in the privacy policy protecting users against unwarranted government surveillance.” Two years later, kiosks along Third Avenue in Midtown mysteriously blasted out a slowed-down version of the Mister Softee theme song. So there’s at least some cause for speculation. The problem is when speculation hardens into reality.

Not long after the AICN post, The Beast’s players set up a Yahoo Group mailing list called Cloudmakers, named after a boat in the story. As the number of posts rose to dozens and then hundreds per day, it became obvious to list moderators (including me) that some form of organisation was in order. One rule we established was that posts should include a prefix in their subject so members could easily distinguish website updates from puzzle solutions.

My favourite prefix was “SPEC,” a catch-all for any kind of unfounded speculation, most of which was fun nonsense but some of which ended up being true. There were no limits on what or how much you could post, but you always had to use the prefix so people could ignore it. Other moderated communities have similar guidelines, with rationalists using their typically long-winded “epistemic status” metadata.

Absent this kind of moderation, speculation ends up overwhelming communities since it’s far easier and more fun to bullshit than do actual research. And if speculation is repeated enough times, if it’s finessed enough, it can harden into accepted fact, leading to devastating and even fatal consequences.

I’ve personally been the subject of this process thanks to my work in ARGs—not just once, but twice.

The first occasion was fairly innocent. One of our more famous Perplex City puzzles, Billion to One, was a photo of a man. That’s it. The challenge was to find him. Obviously, we were riffing on the whole “six degrees of separation” concept. Some thought it’d be easy, but I was less convinced. Sure enough, fourteen years on, the puzzle is still unsolved, but not for lack of trying. Every so often, the internet rediscovers the puzzle amid a flurry of YouTube videos and podcasts; I can tell whenever this happens because people start DMing me on Twitter and Instagram.

This literally came a few days ago

A clue in the puzzle is the man’s name, Satoshi. It is not a rare name, and it happens to be same as the presumed pseudonymous person or persons who developed bitcoin, Satoshi Nakamoto. So of course people think Perplex City’s Satoshi created bitcoin. Not a lot of people, to be fair, but enough that I get DMs about it every week. But it’s all pretty innocent, like I said.

More concerning is my presumed connection to Cicada 3301, a mysterious group that recruited codebreakers through very difficult online puzzles. Back in 2011, my company developed a pseudo-ARG for the BBC Two factual series, The Code, all about mathematics. This involved planting clues into the show itself, along with online educational games and a treasure hunt.

To illustrate the concept of prime numbers, The Code explored the gestation period of cicadas. We had no hand in the writing of the show; we got the script and developed our ARG around it. But this was enough to create a brand new conspiracy theory, featuring yours truly:

My bit starts around 20 minutes in:

Interviewer: Why [did you make a puzzle about] cicadas?

Me: Cicadas are known for having a gestation period which is linked to prime numbers. Prime numbers are at the heart of nature and the heart of mathematics.

Interviewer: That puzzle comes out in June 2011.

Me: Yeah.

Interviewer: Six months later, Cicada 3301 makes its international debut.

Me: It's a big coincidence.

Interviewer: There are some people who have brought up the fact that whoever's behind Cicada 3301 would have to be a very accomplished game maker.

Me: Sure.

Interviewer: You would be a candidate to be that person.

Me: That's true, I mean, Cicada 3301 has a lot in common with the games we've made. I think that one big difference (chuckles) is that normally when we make alternate reality games, we do it for money. And it's not so clear to understand where the funding for Cicada 3301 is coming from.

Clearly this was all just in fun – I knew it and the interviewer knew it. That’s why I agreed to take part. But does everyone watching this understand that? There’s no “SPEC” tag on the video. At least a few commenters are taking it seriously:

I am the “ARG guy” in question

I’m not worried, but I’d be lying if I wasn’t a touch concerned that Cicada 3301 now lies squarely in the QAnon vortex and in the “Q-web“:

Here’s a good interview with the creator of the “Q-web”

My defence that the cicada puzzle in The Code was “a big coincidence” (albeit delivered with an unfortunate shit-eating grin) didn’t hold water. In the conspiracy theorest mindset, no such thing exists:

“According to Michael Barkun, emeritus professor of political science at Syracuse University, three core principles characterize most conspiracy theories. Firstly, the belief that nothing happens by accident or coincidence. Secondly, that nothing is as it seems: The “appearance of innocence” is to be suspected. Finally, the belief that everything is connected through a hidden pattern.”

These are helpful beliefs when playing an ARG or watching a TV show designed with twists and turns. It’s fun to speculate and to join seemingly disparate ideas, especially when the creators encourage and reward this behaviour. It’s less helpful when conspiracy theorists “yes, and…” each other into shooting up a pizza parlour or burning down 5G cell towers.

Because there is no coherent QAnon community in the same sense as the Cloudmakers, there’s no convention of “SPEC” tags. In their absence, YouTube has added annotated QAnon videos with links to its Wikipedia article, and Twitter has banned 7,000 accounts and restricted 150,000 more, among other actions. Supposedly, Facebook is planning to do the same.

These are useful steps but will not stop QAnon from spreading in social media comments or private chat groups or unmoderated forums. It’s not something we can reasonably hope for, and I don’t think there’s any technological solution (e.g. browser extensions) either. The only way to stop people from mistaking speculation from fact is for them to want to stop.

Cryptic

It’s always nice to have a few mysteries for players to speculate on in an ARG, if only because it helps them pass the time while the poor puppetmasters scramble to sate their insatiable demand for more website updates and puzzles. A good mystery can keep a community guessing for, as Lost did with its numbers or Game of Thrones with Jon Snow’s parentage. But these mysteries always have to be balanced against specifics, lest the whole story dissolve into a puddle of mush; for as much we derided Lost for the underwhelming conclusion to its mysteries, no-one would’ve watched in the first place if the episode-to-episode storytelling wasn’t so strong.

The downside of being too mysterious in Perplex City is that cryptic messages often led players on wild goose chases such that they completely ignored entire story arcs in favour of pursuing their own theories. This was bad for us because we had a pretty strict timetable that we needed our story to play out on, pinned against the release of our physical puzzle cards that funded the entire enterprise. If players took too long to find the $200,000 treasure at the conclusion of the story, we might run out of money.

QAnon can favour cryptic messages because, as far as I know, they don’t have a specific timeline or goal in mind, let alone a production budget or paid staff. Not only is there no harm in followers misinterpreting messages, but it’s a strength: followers can occupy themselves with their own spin-off theories far better than “Q” can. Dan Hon notes:

“For every ARG I’ve been involved in and ones my friends have been involved in, communities always consume/complete/burn through content faster than you can make it, when you’re doing a narrative-based game. This content generation/consumption/playing asymmetry is, I think, just a fact. But QAnon “solved” it by being able to co-opt all content that already exists and … encourages and allows you to create new content that counts and is fair play in-the-game.”

But even QAnon needs some specificity, hence their frequent references to actual people, places, events, and so on.

A brief aside on designing very hard puzzles

It was useful to be cryptic when I needed to control the speed at which players solved especially consequential puzzles, like the one revealing where our $200,000 treasure was buried. For story and marketing purposes, we wanted players to be able to find it as soon as they had access to all 256 puzzle cards, which we released in three waves. We also wanted players to feel like they were making progress before they had all the cards and we didn’t want them to find the location the minute they had the last card.

My answer was to represent the location as the solution to multiple cryptic puzzles. One puzzle referred to the Jurassic strata in the UK, which I split across the background of 14 cards. Another began with a microdot revealing which order to arrange triple letters I’d hidden on a bunch of cards. By performing mod arithmetic on the letter/number values, you would arrive at 1, 2, 3 or 4, corresponding to the four DNA nucleotides. If you understood the triplets as codons for amino acids, they became letters. These letters led you to the phrase “Duke of Burgundy”, the name of a butterfly whose location, when combined with the Jurassic strata, would help you narrow down the location of the treasure.

The nice thing about this convoluted sequence is that we could provide additional online clues to help the players community when they got stuck. The point being, you can’t make an easy puzzle harder, but you can make a hard puzzle easier.

Beyond ARGs

It can feel crass to compare ARGs to a conspiracy theory that’s caused so much harm. But this reveals the crucial difference between them: in QAnon, the stakes so high, any action is justified. If you truly believe an online store or a pizza parlour is engaging in child trafficking and the authorities are complicit, extreme behaviour is justified.

Gabriel Roth, editorial director for audio at Slate, extends this idea:

“What QAnon has that ARGs didn’t have is the claim of factual truth; in that sense it reminds me of the Bullshit Anecdotal Memoir wave of the 90s and early 00s. If you have a story based on real life, but you want to make it more interesting, the correct thing to do is change the names of the people and make it as interesting as you like and call it fiction. The insight of the Bullshit Anecdotal Memoirists (I’m thinking of James Frey and Augusten Burroughs and David Sedaris) was that you could call it nonfiction and readers would like it much better because it would have the claim of actual factual truth, wowee!! And it worked! How much more engaging and addictive is an immersive, participatory ARG when it adds that unique frisson you can only get with the claim of factual truth? And bear in mind that ARG-scale stories aren’t about mere personal experiences—they operate on a world-historical scale.”

ARGs’ playfulness with the truth and their sometimes-imperceptible winking of This Is Not A Game (accusations Lonelygirl15 was a hoax) is only the most modern incarnation of epistolary storytelling. In that context, immersive and realistic stories have long elicited extreme reactions, like the panic incited by Orson Welles’ The War of the Worlds (often exaggerated, to be fair).

We don’t have to wonder what happens when an ARG community meets a matter of life and death. Not long after The Beast concluded, the 9/11 attacks happened. A small number of posters in the Cloudmakers mailing list suggested the community use its skills to “solve” the question of who was behind the attack.

The brief but intense discussion that ensued has become a cautionary tale of ARG communities getting carried away and being unable to distinguish fiction from reality. In reality, the community and the moderators quickly shut down the idea as being impractical, insensitive, and very dangerous. “Cloudmakers tried to solve 9/11” is a great story, but it’s completely false.

Unfortunately, the same isn’t true for the poster child for online sleuthing gone wrong, the r/findbostonbombers subreddit. There’s a parallel between the essentially unmoderated, anonymous theorists of r/findbostonbombers and those in QAnon: neither feel any responsibility for spreading unsupported speculation as fact. What they do feel is that anything should be solvable, as Laura Hall, immersive environment and narrative designer, describes:

“There’s a general sense of, ‘This should be solveable/findable/etc’ that you see in lots of reddit communities for unsolved mysteries and so on. The feeling that all information is available online, that reality and truth must be captured/in evidence somewhere”

There’s truth in that feeling. There is a vast amount of information online, and sometimes it is possible to solve “mysteries”, which makes it hard to criticise people for trying, especially when it comes to stopping perceived injustices. But it’s the sheer volume of information online that makes it so easy and so tempting and so fun to draw spurious connections.

That joy of solving and connecting and sharing and communication can do great things, and it can do awful things. As Josh Fialkov, writer for Lonelygirl15, says:

That brain power negatively focused on what [conspiracy theorists] perceive as life and death (but is actually crassly manipulated paranoia) scares the living shit out of me.

What ARGs Can Teach Us

Can we make “good ARGs”? Could ARGs inoculate people against conspiracy theories like QAnon?

The short answer is: No. When it comes to games that are educational and fun, you usually have to pick one, not both—and I say that as someone who thinks he’s done a decent job at making “serious games” over the years. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible, but it’s really hard, and I doubt any such ARG would get played by the right audience anyway.

The long answer: I’m writing a book about the perils and promise of gamification. Come back in a year or two.

For now, here’s a medium-sized answer. No ARG can heal the deep mistrust and fear and economic and spiritual malaise that underlies QAnon and other dangerous conspiracy theories, any more than a book or a movie can solve racism. There are hints at ARG-like things that could work, though—not in directly combatting QAnon’s appeal, but in channeling people’s energy and zeal of community-based problem-solving toward better causes.

Take The COVID Tracking Project, an attempt to compile the most complete data available about COVID-19 in the U.S. Every day, volunteers collect the latest numbers on tests, cases, hospitalizations, and patient outcomes from every state and territory. In the absence of reliable governmental figures, it’s become one of the best sources not just in the U.S., but in the world.

It’s also incredibly transparent. You can drill down into the raw data volunteers have collected on Google Sheets, view every line of code written on Github, and ask them questions on Slack. Errors and ambiguities in the data are quickly disclosed and explained rather than hidden or ignored. There’s something game-like in the daily quest to collect the best-quality data and to continually expand and improve the metrics being tracked. And like in the best ARGs, volunteers of all backgrounds and skills are welcomed. It’s one of the most impressive and well-organising reporting projects I’ve ever seen; “crowdsourcing” doesn’t even come close to describing its scale.

If you applied ARG skills to investigative journalism, you’d get something like Bellingcat, an an open-source intelligence group that discovered how Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 (MH17) was shot down over Ukraine in 2014. Bellingcat’s volunteers painstakingly pieced together publicly-available information to determine MH17 was downed by a Buk missile launcher originating from the 53rd Anti-Aircraft Rocket Brigade in Kursk, Russia. The Dutch-led international joint investigation team later came to the same conclusion.

Conspiracy theories thrive in the absence of trust. Today, people don’t trust authorities because authorities have repeatedly shown themselves to be unworthy of trust – misreporting or manipulating COVID-19 testing figures, delaying the publication of government investigations, burning records of past atrocities, and deploying unmarked federal forces. Perhaps authorities were just as untrustworthy twenty or fifty or a hundred years ago, but today we rightly expect more.

Mattathias Schwartz, contributing writer for The New York Times Magazine, believes it’s that lack of trust that leads people to QAnon:

“Q’s [followers] … are starving for information. Their willingness to chase bread crumbs is a symptom of ignorance and powerlessness. There may be something to their belief that the machinery of the state is inaccessible to the people. It’s hard to blame them for resorting to fantasy and esotericism, after all, when accurate information about the government’s current activities is so easily concealed and so woefully incomplete.”

So the goal cannot be to simply restore trust in existing authorities. Rather, I think it’s to restore faith in truth and knowledge itself. The COVID Tracking Project and Bellingcat help reveal truth by crowdsourcing information. They show their work via hypertext and open data, creating a structure upon which higher-level analysis and journalism can be built. And if they can’t find the truth, they’re willing to say so.

QAnon seems just as open. Everything is online. Every discussion, every idea, every theory is all joined together in a warped edifice where speculation becomes fact and fact leads to action. It’s thrilling to discover, and as you find new terms to Google and new threads to pull upon, you can feel just like a real researcher. And you can never get bored. There’s always new information to make sense of, always a new puzzle to solve, always a new enemy to take down.

QAnon fills the void of information that states have created—not with facts, but with fantasy. If we don’t want QAnon to fill that void, someone else has to. Government institutions can’t be relied upon to do this sustainably, given how underfunded and politicised they’ve become in recent years. Traditional journalism has also struggled against its own challenges of opacity and lack of resources. So maybe that someone is… us.

ARGs teach us that the search for knowledge and truth can be immensely rewarding, not in spite of their deliberately-fractured stories and near-impossible puzzles, but because of them. They teach us that communities can self-organise and self-moderate to take on immense challenges in a responsible way. And they teach us that people are ready and willing to volunteer to work if they’re welcomed, no matter their talent.

It’s hard to create these communities. They rely on software and tools that aren’t always free or easy to use. They need volunteers who have spare time to give and moderators who can be supported, financially and emotionally, through the struggles that always come. These communities already exist. They just need more help.

Despite the growing shadow of QAnon, I’m hopeful for the future. The beauty of ARGs and ARG-like communities isn’t their power to discover truth. It’s how they make the process of discovery so deeply rewarding.

What Alternate Reality Games Teach Us About the Dangerous Appeal of QAnon syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

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scrumptiousbeardbasement-blog · 7 years ago

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Earlier today I saw a post talking about how music can inspire scenes involving a writer’s OC, oftentimes in quite vivid detail. The post went on to rather humourously illustrate how such scenes can be so fleshed out in our minds while the music is playing, and completely gone by the time we actually sit down and try to write them.

I got a good laugh from this, but I also got a bit of an idea. I haven’t posted much in a while, and technical stuff can be fun to talk about, so I figured why not write about how music fits into my process.

A quick disclaimer, I have no interest in dictating to other people how they ought to do this or that, and any examples I use as “what not to do” are really examples of “what doesn’t really work for me”. There is no one right way-- and if there is, I certainly haven’t found it.

Anyways, music and writing.

Whenever one medium inspires a certain choice in another, it can be helpful to examine which came first. For example, in my current project, the Making Stupid Work series (the second of which is very nearly done), I started writing long before music played in. The characters of Matt and Ellie Cantor, their situation, the general tone of the books began formulating in my mind on a train-trip from New York to Boston after a failed attempt at pitching my previous work at a writing convention. I had just spent roughly two-and-a-half years pouring my whole life into the Silent God series-- all my time, my ideas, my emotional energy. Everything. And on the train-ride back, it really felt as though the entire project had just culminated in failure.

I was miserable, I was frustrated, I was-- naturally-- self-doubting. And to be honest, it wasn’t entirely because of my rejection. A lot of the negative feelings I was experiencing during that time came from the nature of the project itself. Silent God, particularly in that earlier incarnation, is a very intense, very “broody” sort of work-- the kind of thing that one kid in your creative writing class who thinks he’s “deeper” than everyone else turns in as a final project. Whether the piece was good or not is an open question, but the overarching point is that it hurt to write. I had characters in serious emotional pain, a twisted version of the pain I had felt in parts of my childhood-- alienation, loneliness, self-hatred. One of the things I learned over the course of the project is that I am bad at writing pain. The only way I know how to do it is to hammer it into the reader, again and again and again, at every opportunity, and in doing so, I just brought it even closer to the surface in myself.

Long story short, I was in a dark place on that train-ride. I considered quitting writing altogether, but I decided to give it one last shot. That last shot was Making Stupid Work. I went into that new project certain about two things; it would start on a train, and I wouldn’t put too much of myself into it. Cheap and cheerful, you know the drill.

And that’s how it started. I sat down in the library-- the next day, in fact-- and within the span of a few hours I had my first chapter. It was sassy, it was silly, it was stupid. I hadn’t been aiming for stupid, but that’s where I ended up-- particularly after what had been my favorite line in the chapter, “perfect, egg-smooth legs stuck out of her dress like a pair of pumpernickel baguettes”, led to exactly none of my early readers taking it seriously.

So I went on and on, writing and writing, aiming for stupid and just trying to get something done that didn’t make me hate myself. Matt Cantor was a goof. Ellie Cantor was a badass. Mum was adorable, at least some of the time. And then THIS happened:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCXsRoyFRQE

Caravan Palace’s “Wonderland”. It was a strange thing actually, because I had this music shown to me by two completely unrelated people within the span of about two days. Fate? Maybe. All I know is that I listened to it and I loved it and then suddenly one of those people mentioned that this song reminded them of Ellie Cantor.

Everything changed in an instant. Don’t get me wrong, I had loved Ellie’s character plenty up to that point. She was fun to write, and a lot of my readers felt that she was just as much fun to read. But when I drew the line between Ellie and “Wonderland”, she stopped being just a fun character for Matt to play off of. Now she was a tune. Now she was a rhythm, now she was words. I remember listening to this song one night as I was walking home from work-- headphones jacked into my cell-phone, data-plan screaming in pain-- and thinking to myself that Ellie Cantor was actually the point of all this. I didn’t want her to be scary, I wanted her to be terrifying. I didn’t want her to be cute, or pretty, or hot, I wanted her to be soul-achingly beautiful. I didn’t want her to be clever or smart, I wanted her to be a genious. And most of all, I didn’t want her to be cool; I wanted her to have majesty. I went back and I edited and I edited and I edited and slowly, she started to become all of that, at least for me. The way she spoke, the things she did-- even the rhythm and sound-scape of the text describing her changed.

Why was this effect so profound? I think part of it can be attributed to the sheer awesomeness of Caravan Palace. Maybe even most of it. But at least a little bit comes from the awesomeness of music itself. What I believe-- the whole point of this article, in fact-- is that music is one of the most powerful factors in establishing a “Cult of Personality”, for both real and fictional people.

My favorite example of this is, nerdily enough, from the video game Destiny-- specifically, the Taken King expansion. The character in question is Oryx (the Taken King), and he’s a pretty interesting guy. Over the course of the story, you bump into him, and he’s scary-looking-ish:

Spooooooopy. But pretty standard sci-fi/cosmic horror fare. He and C’thulu probably play bridge or something. If you read the grimoire about him, the “Book of Sorrows”, we learn a lot more about Oryx, his character starts to really take shape and become compelling. We learn about his childhood, about his loss, his struggle, his fear, his fall. We learn about the sword-logic, about his drive to decide “the ultimate final shape” of the universe, and the cross-galaxy quest he goes on to achieve it, obliterating all that would stand against him. It’s pretty well-written, and gives the character some nice depth. But none of it really hits home until after you’ve read all the stories, and you go back into the game to play some more and you hear this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7RBOW1NqHw&t=18s

Holy. Shit. Michael Salvatori, color me impressed. I first heard this song before reading any of the grimoire, while just playing the game itself. But when I heard it again after, when I drew the line between this and Oryx, between this and his story, it stopped being just a story. It became a legend. This song, when I heard it again, did for Oryx exactly what “Wonderland” had done for Ellie Cantor. This wasn’t a monster, this was a god, a creature laying claim to the universe, claiming to be truth itself. Oryx became those blaring horns, those pounding drums, that building sense of dread as you try and try to wriggle out from under the absolute fact that this world-- that all worlds-- run on blood.

Or maybe Destiny isn’t your cup of tea. Maybe you’re more of a Harry Potter lover. JK Rowling’s text is fantastic, make no mistake. Her depictions are vivid, her plots are scrumptious, her adverbs adverb adverbially. People flocked to her books long before the movies were made-- in fact, the movies were made in part because of all the people flocking to her books. But I think I’m not alone in saying that this song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Li0SWlwe34

completely changed the way I read the books. It’s called “Hedwig’s Theme” (which I didn’t actually know until trying to find it for this post), but I would argue that it goes a lot further towards establishing the “Cult of Personality” for the Harry Potter universe as a whole.

Simple thought experiment. Take two groups of 100 people each who know nothing at all about Harry Potter (how? whatever). Each group reads the first Harry Potter book. Now take one of the groups and play this song for them. Don’t show them the movie-- hell, don’t even show them the movie-poster in the background of this video. The other group, don’t show or play them anything. Now have both groups read book 2. I’m willing to bet that both groups will like it-- love it, even. I’m also willing to bet that the people in the group that heard the song will like it or love it a lot more. This isn’t to say that the book doesn’t work without that music-- of course it does, that’s why the music exists in the first place. But the music does something to that story. It shifts it, or spreads it, perhaps, into a different part of our brains. Harry Potter starts to inhabit a new space, where the mischief and mystery of the world aren’t just words on a page, they’re sounds in our head, bits of flute and clarinet reminding us that there will always be surprises in Hogwarts, around every corner.

Okay, wow, this is getting long.

My point is that the moment I became really serious about Making Stupid Work-- about making Making Stupid Work work, rather-- was the moment that music came into the mix. Ever since then, the writing has taken on a life of its own, so to speak. It lives in a place a tiny bit outside of my regular self, and all I have to do to get there is slap on my headphones, cue up some Caravan Palace, and jam out.

#writing #process #making stupid work #music #caravan palace #editing #inspiration

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aion-rsa · 6 years ago

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Jughead's Time Police: Archie Comics Goes Snack to the Future

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Featuring an exclusive look at variant covers from the upcoming mini-series, here's your guide to Jughead's Time Police.

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Interview Chris Cummins

Mar 19, 2019

Archie Comics

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Back in the early 1990s, Archie Comics released an ambitious series of titles aimed at illustrating how the veteran indie publisher could tell different types of stories using their characters. These various books ranged from interesting failures (Jughead's Diner, Explorers of the Unknown) to regrettable curiosites (Archie's R/C Racers, no). Yet much like Marty McFly unleashing rock and roll at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance, one of these experiments was so far ahead of its, er, time that it would take a generation to pick up what Archie was throwing down.

That title was Jughead's Time Police.

Despite only running for a measly six issues, Jughead's Time Police foreshadowed the Archie creative renaissance that began a decade ago by telling a status quo-shattering story that pushed the parameters of these characters while maintaining what made them so lovable in the first place.

In the original run, Jughead became an agent for the Time Police, an agency determined to protect the proper flow of history. Utilizing a special version of his famed whoopee cap to travel through time, he is partnered with January McAdams, a deputy with the agency who just so happens to be Archie's descendant whose home timeline in this 29th century. Together, they encountered historical figures and battled the villainous Morgan Le Fay in an effort to preserve time from falling into the usual chaos that paradoxes and mucking about with the past (and future can cause).

It was a weird book, and one whose stories featured DNA traces of everything from Quantum Leap to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Doctor Who to Moonlighting (the latter in reference to the would-be romance between Jughead and January). It may have all been a bit too jarring for 1990 readers, but now that Archie is known for shaking things up, audiences have gone back and rediscovered the series. Following popularity on the Archie digital app, a trade paperback of the complete Jughead's Time Police was issued last April, paving the way for the latest example of how everything old is new again, a forthcoming five issue mini-series reboot of the title from the creative team of writer Sina Grace (Iceman) and artist Derek Charm (who recently worked on the Jughead relaunch for the company, and is also known for his work on The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl). Matt Herms is the colorist, with Jack Morelli working as letterer for the book, which will become an ongoing title if the demand is there following the mini-series' launch. Fingers crossed.

Via e-mail, we had the opportunity to speak to Grace and Charm to get their thoughts on why Jughead's Time Police has endured, and what we can expect from the new title.

Given the timey wimey nature of the material, will this be a reboot of the story, a continuation of the original adventures or something else entirely?

Sina Grace - The best way to put it is, we’re catching a version of the Jughead we know and love from the Mark Waid/Chip Zdarsky/ Ryan North books. His efforts to prevent the catastrophe that was his pie baking contest end up creating a pretty massive space-time continuum issue. He’ll be meeting January McAndrews for the first time. That’s all I can say for now.

How did you each become involved in the project?

Derek Charm - We’d all been talking about doing something new with Jughead for a while, pretty much since right after the previous series ended, but it was about finding the right angle and the right story and everyone’s schedules lining up. I’m glad it took as long as it did because it’s awesome to be diving back into this world with enough space between what we did before to reevaluate certain things and hopefully come up with something fresh and exciting.

Grace - Well, of all the Archie crew, I love, love, love Jughead. No matter who interprets him, I feel like I totally relate. I had been trying to find a project to work on with editor Alex Segura. First it was a standard Jughead series with a very grounded plot, and it wasn’t a fit. We stayed in touch, meaning I persistently hounded him and begged for a chance to play with the Archie cast. It was actually his idea for me to revisit those stories and see if I had my take on Jughead needing to put on his time travel cap.

What is it about Jughead and January's relationship that has connected with readers?

Grace - I’ll just be blunt: I think at face value it’s because January idolizes Jughead, and Jughead loves the access to a future where he’s an iconic historical figure. That being said, I truly think that fans enjoy seeing Jughead get to play the lead in an action story with an equally zingy co-captain. He totally respects January, and their chemistry is unique.

Derek, obviously you have a great deal of experience in working with these characters, how will you approach your art for this book differently than your traditional Jughead work, if at all?

Charm - I’m treating this a whole new thing visually. For every character and location that comes up, I try to take a new look and do something different than we did before. I’m really excited for what’s coming with the different time periods and different takes on the established characters that we’ll be seeing. Also, it’s hard to believe, but The CW’s Riverdale wasn’t around when I started on Jughead the first time, so that’s a whole new aspect of Archie history to take inspiration from.

Are you personally a fan of the sci-fi comedy genre? If so, what are some of your influences?

Grace - You know, I never even made the connection that there was a category for that genre! But yeah, for sure! Bill & Ted is obviously a hallmark. Is Back to the Future sci-fi comedy, or just a sci-fi movie that happens to be funny? I really liked Russian Doll. The humor and character play in Firefly still sticks with me. Thor: Ragnarok was absolutely amazing and hilarious and deeeeeeply sci-fi. I need to spend more time with Future Man, man.

What are some science fiction works you draw influence from, and can we expect to see nods to these in this new series?

Charm - Back to the Future has been a really big one, obviously, but mainly for the tone. Sina’s scripts are so quick and fun and it’s the same kind of vibe where Doc Brown just has a time machine car and it’s beside the point because things are happening and you just have to keep up with the story and have fun.

Why do you think Jughead's Time Police has gathered such a cult following since its initial run?

Grace - Everyone loves a good time travel story, and I think Jughead’s really the only character in that cast who would revel in the fun of it all. Plus, the 29th century is such a cool place to be. That’s what I’m most excited about with this series -- we’ll be spending a good amount of time in the future, and exploring what that world looks like. Derek has already turned in some amazing work, and I too am now trying to figure out how jump forward by a few months to June and see readers’ reactions!

What can you tell us about what to expect with this series?

Grace - Anybody who has read my work over at Marvel Comics knows I have a deep understanding of how complicated time travel can be, and how much fun divergent timelines can be, too! I learned a lot at the House of Ideas, and I’m excited to basically crib “Days of Future Past” for the Archieverse.

Just kidding. I’m gonna have time-displaced Riverdale middle school students show up. I tease! But, for real? There may be some pouches in the series.

Jughead's Time Police hits stores on June 12th, and Den of Geek has your exclusive first look at variant covers from Tyler Boss, Robert Hack with Kelly Fitzpatrick, Tracy Yardley, and Francesco Francavilla. Take a look:

We'll have more on Jughead's Time Police in the months ahead....or is that five minutes ago? This time travel stuff gets confusing quick.

Chris Cummins is a writer/Archie Comics historian who daydreams about scripting a Starship Rivda reboot. You can follow him on Twitter at @bionicbigfoot and @scifiexplosion.

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ordinaryhouseholdtoaster · 8 years ago

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Spooky Maidment’s Top 25 Favourite Actresses

I had intended to write and publish this list (originally entitled “Spooky Maidment’s Top Ten Favourite Actresses) in time for International Woman’s Day, but it quickly became a far grander undertaking than I had first imagined. I love films and, as such, I love actresses and, boy, are there a lot of actresses that I love.

The first draft of this list, which was compiled over three days, contained a shortlist of 57 thespians, all of whom seemed just as worthy of making the list as the 56 other ladies that their name had been scribbled alongside. And so, for a while, I trifled with the idea of making it a list of 50 actresses that I loved - but that, of course, would mean five times more writing than I had originally intended on doing, and I’m nothing if not lazy and really, really good at procrastinating.

And so, almost a month later, I’ve finally manged to whittle my list down to twenty-five. Twenty-five wonderful and talented ladies, some of which are, in the eye of this beholder, also stunningly beautiful.

And there it is - the obvious flaw in my attempt to celebrate women by composing a list of women that I like to look at.

I am, as I have noted in the past, a straight man. I am attracted to women. Hollywood, very much aware of this dynamic, has been casting symmetrical and visually pleasing women in their motion pictures since the dawn of motion pictures and using their sex appeal to get me to watch said motion pictures. Sex sells, after all, and, with that in mind, I have tried my utmost not to allow my penis too much sway in the forming of this list (which is why Kristen Stewart is rightfully absent).

That said, at this point, having hit puberty approximately 17 years ago, it is rather difficult for me to know just what part of my brain is steering this dilapidated ship at any given moment, and I am sure that sexual attraction plays a much larger role in the forming of my tastes and opinions than I would be willing to admit.

With that in mind, I have actively tried to keep the objectification to an absolute minimum.

And on that cheerful note, here’s my fluffy list, which I’m now worried might be considered degrading, and which, I’ve just now noticed, features a complete and utter lack of ethic diversity. Well, there you go. I’m sexist and racist, apparently.

#25: Robin Tunney

Coming in at number 25, and repping every badass ‘90s chick who didn’t quite make the list (Including, but not limited to, Joey Lauren Adams, Neve Campbell, Clea DuVall, Shannen Doherty and Samatha Mathis), Robin Tunney will always be Deb from Empire Records in my heart, although her leading performance in The Craft (pictured) and her scene stealing brilliance in Encino Man are worth watching over and over and over again.

24: Mia Farrow

The Rosemary in Roman Polanski’s Rosemary’s Baby (pictured) and the Hannah in Woody Allen’s Hannah And Her Sisters, Mia Farrow is probably best known these days for being one of the major players at the center of her ex-husband’s various child abuse scandals, which is a damn shame because she was also in twelve of his movies, with her best performance being as Cecilia in the magical and often overlooked The Purple Rose of Cairo. If you can separate the art from the artists, you should watch any Farrow/Allen collaboration that you can lock your eyes on.

#23: Sigourney Weaver

As if any justification were needed for her being on this list beyond stating the fact that she plays Ellen mother-fucking Ripley in the Alien films, Sigourney Weaver also stars opposite Bill Murray in my two favorite movies of all time, Ghostbusters (pictured) and Ghostbusters II, as well as having roles in Galaxy Guest, The Ice Storm and the criminally under-rated M. Night Shyamalan thriller The Village.

#22: Sissy Spacek

The original Carrie, Sissy Spacek’s almost otherworldly face, pale complexion, abundance of freckles and excellent acting chops are best admired in Robert Altman’s 3 Women and Terrence Malick’s Badlands.

#21: Juliette Lewis

There’s a stretch in the early to mid ‘90s where it feels like every cool film has a beautiful performance from Juliette Lewis in it. Cape Fear (pictured), Kalifornia, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, Natural Born Killers, From Dust ‘Til Dawn... she’s smack bang in the middle of all of ‘em, playing a whole mess of innocent, crazy and broken young women. How can you not love Juliette Lewis?

#20: Mira Sorvino

I love Mimic (pictured) and if you don’t like Mimic, we can’t be friends. Mira Sorvino is great in Mimic and she’s also great in Mighty Aphrodite, Romy And Michelle’s High School Reunion and Summer Of Sam. Fuck you, Del Toro is a genius and Mimic is great, and one of the main reason’s that Mimic is great is Mira Sorvino and you don’t know what you’re talking about... la, la, la, la, la...

#19: Ally Sheedy

The first of two brat pack members to make my list, Ally Sheedy may not be as iconic as the starlet at #16 but, boy, does she ever show up in a lot of my favourite ‘80s flicks - with starring roles in The Breakfast Club, St. Elmo’s Fire, WarGames (pictured) and a little masterpiece called Short Circuit. Cute as a button, charming, hilarious, a fantastic actress... and did I mention that she’s in both The Breakfast Club and Short freaking Circuit?

#18: Kirsten Dunst

I’m pretty sure I could watch Kirsten Dunst eating soup for two hours, I love her so, but luckily she’s Lux in The Virgin Suicides (pictured), the lead in my number one guilty pleasure Bring It On, the cute and adorable child star of Little Women, Interview With A Vampire and Jumanji, Mary Jane Watson in Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man trilogy and the star of countless other films, so, as of yet, I haven’t had to resort to setting up a camera in her dining room.

#17: Linda Cardellini

In much the same way that Bob Hoskins would make his way onto a (as of yet) hypothetical list of my “Top 25 Favourite Actors” based solely on just two roles - in his case Mario Mario from Super Mario Brothers and Eddie Valiant from Who Framed Roger Rabbit - Linda Cardellini makes this list based solely on just two roles. The first is her portrayal of Velma Dinkley in the colossally under-rated Scooby-Doo films, and the second, and far more important, is her turn as Lindsay Weir in the cult classic TV show Freaks And Geeks (pictured), the cancellation of which still breaks my heart to this day.

#16: Molly Ringwald

The second brat pack member to make my list, John Hughes described Molly Ringwald as his muse, casting her in leading roles in Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club (pictured) and Pretty In Pink. Although her career fizzled out shortly after that, Ringwald remains the face of the ‘80s for myself and countless others and although her star shined briefly, man, did it ever shine brightly.

#15: Nicole Kidman

I watched Stoker the other day and whilst Mia Wasikowska was excellent in it, Nicole Kidman was absolutely mesmorising. Why do I keep forgetting how much I love Nicole Kidman? She’s great in Dogville (pictured), The Others, Margot At The Wedding, Cold Mountain and Birthday Girl... and she made me feel “all funny inside” whenever I watched Batman Forever as a child. I really should watch more films with Nicole Kidman in them. Is Days Of Thunder any good?

#14: Uma Thurman

Standing tall at the center of the Tarantino universe, Uma Thurman’s roles in Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill Vol.1 and Kill Bill Vol. 2 (pictured) are probably the reason she’s on this list, but her endearing and beautiful turns in Jennifer 8, Beautiful Girls, Gattaca, Mad Dog and Glory and the 1998 version of Les Misérables are the reason she sits at the number 14 spot.

#13: Reese Witherspoon

From cool and angsty flicks like Election, Cruel Intentions, Freeway, Best Laid Plans, Pleasantville and S.F.W in the mid to late ‘90s, to Oscar-winning fare like Walk The Line (pictured) and Wild as she perfected her craft, Reese Witherspoon is always on form and always a treat to watch, whether she’s giving an Academy Award winning performance or goofing off in the likes of Legally Blonde. Also, just look how the light dances on her pointy little face!

#12: Amy Adams

I can’t remember if I first saw Amy Adams in Doubt (pictured) or in Sunshine Cleaning, but I do remember thinking, “Holy shit, this woman is amazing. She might even be the next [see number one on this list]”. Nine years later, Adams is one of the biggest names in Hollywood with an impressive five Academy Award nominations to her name and I’d happily unsee all of those performances to have Adams revise her role as Mary from The Muppets.

#11: Christina Ricci

I’m going to be perfectly honest with you right now, Christina Ricci is on this list (and at number 11, no less) because when I was child, I was totally in love with Kat Harvey from Casper (pictured). Ricci is also great as Wednesday Addams in both The Addams Family and The Addams Family Values, as well as in The Ice Storm and Black Snake Moan, but I’d be lying if I told you that this was anything more than eight year old me making demands of thirty year old me.

#10: Patricia Arquette

When Patricia Arquette won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her role in Richard Linklater’s Boyhood, I wasn’t in the least bit surprised - even though, at that point, I hadn’t even seen the film yet. Criminally under-rated and not in nearly enough films for my liking, Particia Arquette is absolutely brilliant in True Romance (pictured), Lost Highway and as Kissing Kate in Holes.

#9: Chloë Sevigny

Last year, I was watching the excellent David Fincher thriller Zodiac for the first time and when Chloë Sevigny arrived on screen, at what must have been at least the 60 minute mark, I cheered out loud as if I were watching a football match and my favourite player had finally been brought onto the field. Kids, Gummo, Boys Don’t Cry (pictured), American Psycho, Dogville, Broken Flowers, Antibirth... Chloë Sevigny has an utterly amazing screen presence and the ability to subtly elevate any film, regardless of how big or small a role she has to play in it.

#8: Sally Field

Sometimes I fantasize about Sally Field being my mother - à la Forrest Gump or the excellent ABC TV show Brothers and Sisters - and sometimes I dream about marrying Norma Rae (pictured) or running away with Carrie from Smokey And The Bandit. Either way, Sally Field is a treasure and 8th place almost seems like blasphemy.

#7: Winona Ryder

Beetlejuice, Heathers, Night On Earth (pictured), Reality Bites... no actress has ever been as cool as Winona Ryder was in the late eighties and early nineties. Little Women, The Crucible, Bram Stoker’s Dracula... no actress has ever tried so hard and failed so spectacularly to speak with an accent as Winona Ryder did in the mid-nineties. And then, I saw Girl, Interrupted and I realised that, unlike Johnny Depp’s very real tattoo, the tattoo in my heart would always read Winona Forever.

#6: Scarlett Johansson

In much the same way that any list of ice cream flavours would be incomplete without vanilla, my list of favourite actresses would be incomplete without the totally obvious and predictable inclusion of America’s current sweetheart Scarlett Johansson. Forever in my heart for being the onscreen personification of Sofia Coppola in Lost In Translation (pictured), Scar Jo has since blown me away using only her voice in Her, by saying hardly anything at all in Under The Skin and by somehow beating out Mark Ruffalo’s Bruce Banner to make Natasha Romanoff my favorite character in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

#5: Jodie Foster

Bugsy Malone, The Little Girl Who Lived Down The Lane, Taxi Driver... in 1976, at the age of 13, Jodie Foster had a role in each of these films, each time playing overly sexualized children in adult situations and earning an Oscar nomination for Taxi Driver. Twelve years later, she picked up her first Academy Award for her portrayal of a rape victim in The Accused, before picking up her second Oscar in 1991 for playing Clarice Starling in The Silence of the Lambs (pictured), probably the best thriller ever made (with the possible exception of Se7en). In 1994, she would go on to make audiences laugh in Maverick and cry in Nell, the latter of which earned her her fourth and final Academy Award nomination. If you love cinema (which I do), it’s impossible not to love Jodie Foster (which I do).

#4: Shirley MacLaine

Audrey Hepburn this, Audrey Hepburn that. Women wanted to be her and men wanted to be with her. Well, not me... of the two leading ladies in the 1961 drama The Children’s Hour, I was captivated by Shirley MacLaine. And what’s more, her comedic timing was (probably still is) second to none, making her the perfect lady to star opposite the late, great Jack Lemmon in The Apartment (pictured) and Irma La Douce. Throw in her beautifully fragile and oddly arousing performance as Eve Rand in Being There, and MacLaine is motherfucking Hollywood royalty, son. Long live the queen of the silver screen!

#3: Laura Linney

Primal Fear, The Truman Show, You Can Count On Me (pictured), Mystic River, Love Actually, Frasier, The Squid And The Whale... chances are, you’ve seen Laura Linney and thought, “Hey, I know that lady from x, y or z”. Me, I love Laura Linney. I can’t remember when that love began... or which film it was that suddenly made me realise that I loved her... or why exactly I love her as much as I do... or whether or not it’s a sexual thing... but I love her and I’ll watch anything she’s in, from now until the day one of the two of us dies.

#2: Melanie Lynskey

Although probably best known for her debut in Peter Jackson's Heavenly Creatures - for which she was nominated for an Academy Award at just sixteen years old - or for her stint as Rose on the CBS sit-com Two And A Half Men, for me (and the peeps at Sundance, apparently), Melanie Lynskey is the queen of the indie scene, having ignited my passion for quiet, character-driven cinema with her roles in Hello I Must Be Going, The Intervention, Rainbow Time and, most recently, I Don’t Feel At Home In This World Anymore.

#1: Julianne Moore

As hard as it was to whittle this list down to just 25 actresses, and as difficult as it was to then put those lovely ladies into something akin to a ranking order, the top spot was secure throughout, ‘cause ain’t nobody taking the crown from Julianne Moore. For me, growing up in the ‘90s, Moore was Sarah Harding, the apex-predator expert in Steven Spielberg’s The Lost World: Jurassic Park, the rough and ready redhead who refused to be eaten by dinosaurs and who stirred feelings within my ten year old self that I didn’t then fully understand. Throw in her turns in Short Cuts, The Big Lebowski, Magnolia, Evolution and her hilarious yet heartbreaking performance as Jules in The Kids Are Alright (pictured) - to name just my personal highlights - and Julianne Moore has made me laugh, cry and beam from ear to ear on more occasions than I can recall. Also, I’m pretty sure she’s the reason I have a predilection for redheads. I know, I know... I said I’d keep the objectification to a minimum, but, c’mon, I am but a man.

So, number one with a bullet is Julianne Moore. Agree? Disagree? Don’t be daft, this is a list of my favourite actresses. Who are you to say I can’t rank Molly Ringwald higher than Ally Sheedy?

Anyway, suck it, internet. I’ve got films to watch and other lists to spend months pouring over.

Spooky, out!

SpookyMaidment has written many lists, some of them available to view, for free, in truck-stop restrooms up and down the Eastern Seaboard. He’s also a man - a goddamn, hairy-ass man and how dare he put a bunch of women in order of how much he likes them! What a fucking pig!

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