#*** like the fans might be a bit obv target to say but look even at the anime adaptations. they sucked the soul out my guy there

[cacaitos]

and i mean i guess thats some principles of melodrama, that validates and somewhat embraces some emotions by heightening the and so it can get quite tacky but idk look at my guy berserk. bc yeah it´s got all the Very tragic edgy (noah fence) story That Would Drive Anyone Mad or smth like that and that guts is like the poster child for a manga guy that refuses introspection and embraces **violence and avoidant of relationships bc it's better than feeling weak and hurt, bc he IS an person that, bc imo miura pulled it off better than ive seen in most seinen do, someone thats quite sensible after all. but thats an intentional character flaw, arc and behaviour that berserk wants to criticize. and yet at some points when bag together w the rest of sho/seinen some take it at face value by the ***edgy side or it can get washed in the waves, by raw number of the greater majority of sho/seinen that good or not, and in subtler ways, is the shallower way it has conditioned itself to be written as.

[goldfades]

𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓, 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐘 ─ LH⁴³

౨ৎ ─ summary | requested ! can u write rough car smut with luke hughes please 🫶🏻🫶🏻 -> luke storms out of your friend's party because of a "good-natured" comment, causing you two to get into an argument in his car but quickly make up.

─ word count | 2k

─ warnings | SMUT with teensy bit of plot!!!!!!! slight angst, car sex (obvs), jealous!luke, rough!luke (not too much tho), unprotected p in v, no prep, dumbification (pls idk if this is the right word for it) but like VERY LITTLE, praise, luke being PUSSY DRUNK, choking (but not really), and pretty sure nothing else.

─ taglist | @dancerbailey @maryleclerc @valluvsu @bowen-power @bunting58 @daisysnhl @daisysthings @hearts-4-luke @iminlovewithtz11 @jackhughesily @literatureluster @lvrzegras @lxvelyzoe @ru-kru

─ ev's notes | this is quickly turning into a luke hughes fan-page (even tho i'm supposed to be in MY QUINN HUGHES ERAAAAA) request some stuff!!! my requests are open rn!!!!!!!

ALL IT TOOK WAS one backhanded comment and Luke was out of there.

He was practically dragging you at this point, his hands gripping yours as he walked out of the room. It didn't take a whole lot to realize he was angry ─ he was fuming. His jaw clenched, and his steps were sharp and quick, he needed to remove himself from the situation before he said or did something he might later regret.

You struggled to keep up with his fast pace, feeling the tension radiating off him like heat from a flame. His grip on your hand was almost painful but you knew better than to protest or try to slow him down. When Luke was in this mood, it was best to let him cool off on his own terms.

You reached the car and he dropped your hand, opening the driver's door and getting inside. He didn't bother saying anything as he started the car as soon you got into it. You wanted to say something but you knew if you did, you will never hear the end of it.

You and Luke had gotten invited to one of your friend's get-together. Now this would be a normal occurrence if it weren't for the fact he strongly dislikes your friend. You knew why but it honestly didn't seem that big of a deal ─ your friend wasn't really a big fan of sports.

You knew the root of Luke's dislike for your friend stemmed from their differing interests. Luke, being a professional hockey player, lived and breathed the sport. It was his passion, his livelihood, and his identity in many ways. On the other hand, your friend couldn't care less about sports.

Now this all would not be a problem if your friend had a weird thing with teasing Luke. He really enjoyed getting a rise out of him but it wasn't like he targeted Luke, that was just how he was.

As the car hummed along the road, the tension inside it seemed to thicken with each passing mile. Luke's knuckles were white against the steering wheel, his jaw clenched so tightly it looked like it might crack.

"Luke, we need to talk about this," you spoke up (despite your better judgement). You couldn't really find the words to put it lightly. He was being too sensitive, you wanted to say.

But of course, you couldn't. That was mean. You glanced back at the brunette, sympathy written all over your expression.

Luke shot you a sharp glance, his eyes flashing with anger. "What's there to talk about?" he snapped, his voice cutting through the air like a knife. "Your friend was out of line, and I'm not going to stand around and be disrespected like that."

"He wasn't trying to disrespect you, Luke," you countered, your voice rising slightly. "He was just joking around, like he always does."

"Well, maybe his idea of a joke isn't as funny as he thinks," Luke retorted, his grip on the wheel tightening even further.

You shook your head, feeling your temper flare. "You're being too sensitive," you shot back, unable to hold back your frustration any longer. "He's my friend, Luke. I'm not going to just cut him out of my life because you can't take a joke."

You knew you'd stepped over the edge, crossed a boundary you shouldn't have. Regret seeped into your expression as Luke's anger seemed to triple, if that was even possible. Your mouth hung open, trying to say something, anything but nothing came out.

Luke's expression darkened at your words, his jaw tightening even further as he processed your response. The silence in the car grew heavy, suffocating, as both of you grappled with the weight of your words.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Luke spoke, his voice low and laced with barely-contained fury. "So that's how it is, huh?" he muttered, his gaze burning into yours.

"Luke, I'm sorry... I just-" You stammered, desperately trying to backtrack. "I just..."

But before you could finish your sentence, Luke's words cut through the air like a knife, his anger now laced with a bitter edge.

"He's a little bitch, why are you trying to defend him so badly?" Luke's gaze bore into you as he spoke. "I bet you he can't even skate correctly and he's over here talking about hockey like he knows anything about it."

As he continued to speak, his voice was filled with something more than just mere anger. You could practically feel the jealousy radiating off of him and finally, it made sense ─ he was jealous. Your heart almost did a flip, it was... kinda cute.

Despite the venom in his words, your lips began to curve into a small smile. Luke looked over and his anger seemed to turn into utter irritation.

"Why are you smiling?" His words came out harsh but you just shook your head.

You shook your head, trying to suppress the smile that threatened to spread across your lips. "I'm not laughing at you," you assured him, though your tone was light. "It's just... you're cute when you're jealous."

"Jealous?" He repeated, angry coursing through his body. "Of him? Why? It's not like he stands a chance against me in anything. Jesus, Y/N. Jealous?"

"I didn't mean it like that," you said quickly, reaching out to touch his arm in a gesture of reassurance. "I just meant... it's cute when you get all protective. Like you care about me."

Luke's expression softened slightly at your explanation, though the tension in his shoulders didn't ease. "Of course, I care about you," he said gruffly, his tone still tinged with irritation. "I hate that guy. So much, I don't think I've ever hated anyone more. And seeing him flirt with you-"

"What?" You interrupted. "Luke, he's not flirting with me."

Luke glared back at you, trying to suppress an annoyed groan. "Trust me, Y/N. I can fucking tell. You're just too friendly to get it. But you're my girl, I don't why he wants to one-up me. You're already mine."

"I am, I am yours." You repeated, your gaze softening slightly.

Luke looked back at you, his gaze filled with smugness and a maybe even desire. "Yeah," he replied breathlessly. "You fucking are." His voice was low and you felt his voice go right down south.

He pulled over the car and you felt your whole body burn up. He put the car in park and looked over at you, his gaze filled with desire. You knew you couldn't have him waiting so you just crossed over to him and straddled his lap.

Luke didn't waste any time ─ he grabbed your jaw and kissed you harshly. You let out an uncontrollable whimper at that, his touch almost bruising on your jaw. His lips drew lower, letting go of your jaw as he began kissing your neck.

You couldn't help but let out quiet whimpers, letting your head fall back.

"Mine," he mumbled against your neck with each kiss on your neck. You began grinding your hips against his and you felt his hard-on right on your clothed cunt, your whole body shaking with desire.

He stopped his actions and you let out a huff of disapproval. He gestured for you to move in the backseat and you did with no question, laying back as Luke got on top of you.

He slid your hips upward before taking ripping your leggings off. His touch was harsh but you didn't mind ─ Luke usually took his time with you and was much softer but you knew his mind was racing with jealousy. And you didn't wanna admit but you were kind of hoping for this outcome when you had first got into the car.

He pulled down his sweatpants and you could see his cock bulging out of his boxers. His head fell back in pleasure as he pulled himself out, the tip an angry red as pre-cum was leaking out of it. Luke let out a groan as he gave himself a few pumps before he slid your underwear to the side.

Usually, Luke was patient enough to stretch you out with his fingers but not tonight; he just needed to fuck you dumb, til your legs were shaking the only thing playing in your was him.

He leaned forward so he could pull you into a needy kiss before he slid his cock inside of you slowly. His kiss was sloppy as you let out a moan into it as he slowly bottomed you out. You felt the burn, Luke was pretty big and the lack of prep added some pain but you knew it would dissipate.

"Ah, fuck." Luke moaned into the kiss before he pulled away. He bottomed you out pretty quickly, you were so wet that he just slipped right in. "Fuck, baby. You feel so fucking good."

You whimpered in response before Luke slid his hands up to your neck, holding you tightly before he began thrusting in and out. His other hand was planted right on your hips, his grip firm. Your eyes rolled in the back of your head as you arched your back in response, the previous mentioned pain quickly turning into pleasure.

"You're mine," he grunted as he quickened his pace. He pulled your legs all the way to rest on his broad shoulders, fucking you from a new angle.

He was hitting in all the right spots, you could barely see straight. All that was coming out of your mouth were moans and unintelligible strings of praises and curses.

"Feel so fucking good, Jesus." Luke felt himself slip, your pussy felt so good and knowing that you were only for him, that he was the only one who's ever been this deep inside of you, made his knees weak. "Ah, fuck baby."

He began fucking you into the backseat, harsher and rougher than before. You couldn't even think straight anymore, your cries louder and your legs shaking as he did. Luke felt like he was on cloud 9, you were squeezing him so good and you were so perfectly made for him, not to mention how fucking beautiful you looked; your eyes closed, your head back, your face sweaty and your mouth slightly open as you took him ─

God, he was so fucking close. He closed his eyes because he knew if he kept looking at you, he'd cum. Luke held you down by your neck as he brought down his fingers to rub on your clit harshly and before neither of you knew it, your orgasm hit you like a truck.

Your cunt tightened against him, he let out a loud groan as he head fell back. A few more deep, messy and harsh thrusts and he was spilling inside of you. He fell on top of your heaving chest, both of you trying to catch your breaths.

Your fingers found his curls and you began to run your hands through them. Sure, it'd make them all frizzy but you knew it made Luke relax. The whole car was fogged up, making your lips curve up into a lazy smile.

With a gentle sigh, you pressed a warm kiss to the crown of Luke's head, relishing in the quiet intimacy of the moment. "I love you, I'm sorry-"

"No." He interjected, finally sitting up so he could face you entirely. "I'm sorry for... being all being all possessive and jealous back there. It's not fair to you, especially when you've done nothing wrong."

You reached out to gently cup his cheek, your thumb brushing against his stubbled jawline. "It's okay, Luke," you reassured him, your voice soft. "If I'm being honest, it was kind of hot."

"Yeah, I figured." He smirk as gestured to your legs as you rolled your eyes in amusement.

You couldn't help but laugh at his reaction, feeling a warmth spread through you at the sight of his playful expression. "Yeah," you admitted, your voice tinged with a teasing tone. "I mean, it's nice to know you care so much."

Luke's smirk widened into a full-fledged grin, his eyes sparkling with desire. "If being jealous always ends in us fucking like that, then maybe I should do it more often." he quipped, leaning in to press a kiss to your lips. You giggled as he did so, relaxing in his touch.

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↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[equalseleventhirds]

if you want to talk about hades town you can do so on this because i am very much interested in your thoughts about it!

fdsfjdskfds oh anon i am at Work and when i get out of work i will be Homework but......... listen. listen.

(ok a lot of this i’ve already rambled abt in my hadestown tag but. BUT). i got into hadestown pre-broadway, which means i listened to the original cast recording from 2017 a BUNCH. and while i adore both version, there were... changes. which i feel did orpheus a disservice, and the overarching plot a disservice, but in some ways treated eurydice better by filling her out more and making her more of a revolutionary. 

anyway, i defos don’t have time for a full song-by-song comparison, and also some of the songs available for the broadway version never made it onto the release of the 2017 version, not bcos they weren’t in the show, just bcos.... idk they weren’t released? weren’t recorded? i do not pretend to know the inner workings of the music industry.

BUT of note: the major changes to epic ii. in the original, orpheus was mocking of hades (’king of a kingdom of dirt’ yo), while in the broadway version, orpheus is just singing abt hades and persephone’s history. epic iii also removes that like, ‘a king who loves everythign like a hammer loves the nail’ and ‘he comes down heavy and hard on us’, so it’s MUCH less about the workers’ resentment of hades and just. about hades and persephone.

btw fuckin miss me with that narrative abt orpheus solving global warming by reminding the ruling class that they’re in love with each other? like, i’m sure that’s more appealing to ur standard can-afford-broadway audience, and as a LOVE story it’s cool, but. just not a good lesson actually. 

also ‘living it up on top’ completely cuts out his ‘why would a man of his own free will go to work all day in the mine and the mill’ which is, y’know, callous when considering the people (like, later, eurydice) driven to work for hades, but is TARGETED at hades, who for real does not NEED to work the way he does. miss that....

we also, throughout the broadway version, get a LOT of hermes speaking for orpheus. in the original, ‘come home with me’ is orpheus convincing eurydice, while the broadway version has hermes telling her that orpheus will make her feel alive. ‘living it up on top’ also changes from persephone speaking directly to orpheus and letting him take up the ‘bless this round’ bit, to having hermes volunteer him. blah blah ‘under my wing’ blah, but having a god (again, member of the ruling class, even if this one’s helpful) speak for him? when we have a version where he speaks for himself? come ON. i am not a fan of orpheus being made helpless! let him make his decisions! let his voice be one of persuasion even BEFORE he goes to the underworld!

(this also ties into my personal take that as a demigod, the son of a muse--and you know how those muses are--orpheus’ carelessness is what originally loses him eurydice. he does not care about eating through the winter, he’s never had to worry about that bcos hermes looks after him, while eurydice has had a harsh life and knows they DO need to worry. art is all well and good, but it is also important to care for the people in your life. it’s later, when orpheus loses eurydice and must venture into the harshness of the underworld, meets the workers/the wall and has to find SOLIDARITY with them in order to stand up to hades, that he finally recognizes the value of working with others to create a better life for all. in this essay i)

i also rly miss the original ‘promises’ bcos like, while orpheus & eurydice as always-in-love is sweet, i really enjoyed the fighty version where they are both resentful & angry abt broken promises, and both acknowledge that what they originally claimed to want from the other & give to one another was both unrealistic and not what they actually wanted, eventually coming to a conclusion that was more based on reality. like. communication resulting in a healthier relationship after dealing with unrealistic expectations.... we stan.

now that i’ve gone over how i think the original was better, i did still LIKE the broadway version, and there were some improvements! most notable, eurydice’s stronger role as like, an active revolutionary (or attempted one, anyway) rather than a more passive rescue.

i genuinely adored the change of ‘anyway the wind blows’ from an intro song by the fates to eurydice singing (with the fates backing her up/singing in her ear), bcos it sets up eurydice as an average sufferer of the world the gods made, and lets us hear it in her voice, her experience, and her opinions. she is the one to say weather ain’t the way it was before--and when we later get persephone telling us ‘some might say the weather ain’t the way it used to be’, she’s dismissing eurydice’s suffering (and the suffering of all humans), bcos she’s more concerned with her own issues with hades than with how she’s impacted the world.

(also the changes made had some Interesting Implications abt persephone’s complicity in that whole ‘keep your head low’ thing, that i think is p cool, actually? like afaik the 2017 version didn’t have ‘no spring/no fall’ going on, so the fact that the broadway one DOES and yet keeps her having spring flowers & autumn leaves only to the ppl in the underworld when she arrives.... inch resting. something something the ruling class provides ‘charity’ of resources people should already have as a reward for ‘good behavior’ something.)

eurydice at the beginning is isolated. she falls in love with orpheus and decides to stay with him, but even them being together does not mean he understands her, or values the same things she does. this is evident in both versions, but in the broadway version, when eurydice goes to the underworld, she does something interesting; she tries to introduce herself to the other workers. now, i never saw the 2017 version in full, only heard the album, but in the album she signs the papers and is rejoicing that she’s ‘free’ and has to be told that she isn’t. she doesn’t really speak to the other workers, beyond this exchange about ‘freedom’. in the broadway version, she’s dejected--she did what she had to do. she knows that’s what the other workers did. and she goes to talk to them about it, bcos in spite of where they are, she wants to create a connection with her fellow workers (building solidarity! my girl!!) (also interesting: at the start of the show. she’s alone. she’s always been alone. she sings about how people always turn on you and she’s better off alone before she meets orpheus, but even after she has to leave him, she tries to make a connection with other people. oh...... character development, we love it.) she doesn’t SUCCEED, but she TRIES. which may be important in why they choose to follow HER later.

now we come to chant (reprise), wait for me (reprise), and doubt comes in, the BEST revolutionary eurydice songs in the ENTIRE show. in the 2017 version these were mostly orpheus-focused (and altho i miss the ‘he said he’s shelter us/he said he’d harbor me’ parallels from the 2017 version of chant ii, the company singing with eurydice & orpheus about ‘if i raise my voice, if i raise my head’ fucks SO HARD). eurydice sings with the workers as they’re revolting, and when they walk out of hadestown, the workers follow her. (they don’t follow orpheus, even tho that’s who eurydice is following; ‘if she can do it so can we’. she’s one of them. she’s the one they’re following. can you BELIEVE). eurydice also gets to echo (louder, stronger, and using our instead of my) orpheus’s fantastic fucking ‘i hear the walls repeating the falling of my feet and it sounds like drumming’ bit, with the workers giving her backup. god. so fucking good.

and then, again, i never saw the 2017 version, but ‘doubt comes in’ in that one is still melancholy even on eurydice’s parts; she’s hopeful, but she’s alone, entirely relying on orpheus to lead her. i did get to see the broadway version (and bro.... the production value on that.... the LIGHTS first of all, the LIGHTING, and this song in particular? all dark when orpheus sings so you can’t see eurydice, and then cut to eurydice in lights with the workers following? MY DUDE.) and eurydice’s bits in this song are triumphant. she is sure they will get out, she is dancing and turning back to the workers as she sings she is right behind him (they sing back: we are right behind you). she is following him and sure of him, and she is with the workers and they are with her.

which is part of why ‘sing it again’ does so little for me, actually? like, orpheus had his chance, and he fucked it up, and yes it’s a beautiful story and we want to think he’d do it right, but this is nothing like the end, and singing it again leaves no way to move forward. eurydice led the workers! she gave them her name, she made them care, she was their beacon of hope and what they could become (compare to their previous beacon of hope, persephone, who shows up once a year and sells them remnants of their former lives and does not try to lead them out bcos she’s too caught up in her own anger). eurydice did not make it out with orpheus, but i HAVE to imagine that she and the workers got that taste of freedom, that taste of memory, that taste of solidarity, and would not just forget it again. it becomes more than a love story, it becomes about eurydice’s position of solidarity with the other mortals (something orpheus almost gets, but fails due to insecurity and inexperience and being the outside-savior rather than one of them). and obvs that doesn’t work with the original orpheus and eurydice myth, but listen...... let them bother hades after the end. let them fucking unionize. pls it would be so GOOD i am just! i am just!!

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: That hoodie was yours anyway so welcome for finally getting it back Jimmy: Knew the 🚬 hole weren't you 🤓 Janis: cheek Janis: I've took well good care of it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: it's too early for your condescension Janis: 🤐 unless you're saying tah for not having to walk home in a mini skirt Jimmy: but not too early for your 🤓 words, eh? Jimmy: I get it, only one of us is allowed to show off Janis: showing off your pins in the PM is a different vibe completely to the AM, trust Janis: be well 💔 if you got molested/hate crimed Jimmy: Oi, it's well 💔 that you've forgotten how 💪🏆 I am, pisshead Jimmy: 👻🥊 Janis: 1. you were AS wasted, you didn't even get home so, worse, some would say 2. you pretty much pissed yourself when the kid came charging in so I might need reminding before I believe that again Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: is it though Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: but if you need it SHOUTED, alright Janis: gonna need 📣 and then some Janis: back in the middle of nowhere now Jimmy: should've said, you could've had the 🐑 costume Jimmy: Gracie'd never 👀 you Janis: had to happen eventually Janis: the last thing I wanna do is #twin Janis: hopefully she ain't here Jimmy: easy, just steer clear of the ✨ Janis: not so easy at this time of year Janis: shit gets everywhere Jimmy: if you ain't up to the challenge, Jill Janis: seeing as I avoid them a lot better than you do Janis: pretty confident on that Jimmy: #whenshesnotthelassyouthoughtshewere 😭🎻💔 Jimmy: but it's alright I'll ❌ out the bollocks and leave the compliment about how you look Janis: 🙄 cry me a river, dickhead Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: glad I ain't gotta fake my 😍 right now Jimmy: too 🥺 about leaving me an' all, obvs Jimmy: ALWAYS on the same page, us Janis: Obvs Janis: don't worry, christmas with my family is shit enough that's what they'll all reckon from the 😒 Jimmy: weren't Jimmy: only 1 of 'em is in our target audience Jimmy: and if she were a 🖍 it'd be no dickhead's fave colour Janis: just 💪 that I don't need the day off Jimmy: DUH Jimmy: so impressive, you Janis: tah for the validation Janis: christmas came early Jimmy: long as it's just 🎄 Jimmy: don't need that rumour spread about, tah Janis: 😂 Janis: save it for the bitter breakup Jimmy: for all the dickheads in my DMs it'd put off, there'd be lasses taking it as a challenge or compliment Janis: true Janis: just go with my original plan and pretend you never existed Janis: what's more damning Janis: 👻❓ Jimmy: sir weren't having that Janis: number 1 fan? Jimmy: of me having a beard so he can have me behind shut classroom doors Janis: an idea Janis: I'll just out you Jimmy: new lad with no mates ✔ Jimmy: shit home life ✔ Jimmy: worked it all out, him Jimmy: gutted he can't do the same with you and your 😈💡 Janis: how many teachers they need for an official ring? Jimmy: dunno, tried to google it, well distracted now Janis: 🚨🚨 Jimmy: undercover ��🚔 perks Jimmy: it were all for a case, mate Janis: too real Jimmy: 💰 on Mia's dad trying that one on an' all Janis: oldest trick in the book Jimmy: #defensesquad Janis: in good company Jimmy: first time he'll have heard that Janis: except from his delightful daughter, obvs Janis: no news on how in the shit she is Janis: I'll 🔍 Jimmy: I'll ask Asia, nowt that lass won't tell me Janis: aren't you #blessed Jimmy: 🎁 that keeps on giving Jimmy: and you reckoned 🎄 came early for you Janis: 🤢 Janis: too early for that as well Jimmy: if I open my DMs to find she's wrapped a bow round herself you don't wanna know, I get it Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: I really  don't Janis: 'til you're gonna go there and then give me 48hrs notice tah Jimmy: never gonna be that pissed, you're alright Janis: 😏 never again, is it? Janis: my grandparents were in a mood so maybe you did spray their bathroom with puke Jimmy: never her Jimmy: and you could be proud of me for finding their 🚽 dickhead Janis: never said I weren't Janis: they don't know how challenged and northern you are Jimmy: what I'm hearing is you're dead proud they never heard me 🗨 Jimmy: 🔇🏆 Janis: you must've been signing Janis: I dunno Jimmy: if that's what I were doing with my hands I'm chuffed you can't remember owt Jimmy: be a piss poor review Janis: I weren't THAT drunk Janis: but I'll keep that 🤐 in my general daily praise of you for the socials 🙄 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I weren't Janis: twat Jimmy: 👌 Janis: U G H Janis: what are you doing on your day off then Janis: 'cos yeah, I caught that bit of their 📞 Jimmy: whatever he wants Janis: cute Jimmy: leave it out, I know you caught how 😁 he were an' all Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt ain't just for you, Joan Janis: I was being sincere, actually Jimmy: were you? Janis: yeah Janis: it's cute he likes you so much Jimmy: he don't know any better Jimmy: give him a bit Janis: you've got a few years 'til hormones are an issue Jimmy: tah for the reminder Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: better off 🤞 there ain't any more Janis: could always book him a vasectomy for his 🎁 Jimmy: least my mum dunno which doorstep is ours to leave any 👶 on Janis: silver lining Janis: my sister'll be here with her brats now Jimmy: I should've got you a 🎻🎁 Jimmy: Have you got Libi an' all? Janis: you should've booked me a medical coma Janis: yeah, we usually all get together, at least for the meal Janis: it's ridiculous Jimmy: tah for my invite Janis: 🎟 to the 🎪 Janis: nah, you're alright Jimmy: so what, been working on my 🤹 for nowt? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: you could come to midnight mass Janis: that's a fun thing my sister forces me to do Jimmy: I get it, you didn't get your 🎄🔥 Jimmy: as a stand in goes, any heathen'll do Janis: it's Catholicism Janis: all 😈 happily welcomed Jimmy: alright then Janis: 😂 yeah right Jimmy: if our kid ain't asleep, he can do my sister's head in for a bit Janis: you want a chance to piss off my other nan? Janis: she'll probably love you 'cos shit home life ✔ Jimmy: I were in it for the 🎨 but you've sold that an' all now Janis: 'course you were Janis: why not Janis: if I HAVE to go Jimmy: can I borrow your 👼🏽 ootd or is it too fucked from last night? Janis: Sadly that literal piece of fabric I'd wrapped around myself did not last the evening Janis: you'll think of something, I know Jimmy: it'll be round a 🎄 by now Jimmy: whoever's got the 🥇 shrine going Janis: graced by my 🍑 Janis: what could be more 🙌🙏 worthy Jimmy: nowt OBVS Janis: tah babes Jimmy: [a picture of all the carnage Twix has caused with these decs cos she's a naughty bab] Janis: 😬 uh-oh Janis: no more nice list Jimmy: can kinky Jesus top that for 🎨? Janis: top of the list always Janis: favourite son Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I get why you 💕🙌🙏 me now Janis: ha Janis: fairplay I'll lead with that comparison when introducing you Jimmy: it's a good shout Janis: it's not but it's blasphemous Janis: might get an exorcism out of it 🤞 Jimmy: I can't help being white, soz Janis: this is my 🤶🏾 so she'll be vexed x2 Janis: well done Jimmy: not calling you a slag again but if you wanna give me my 🏆 in a way that'd have Jesus chuffed to bits and her fuming, I'll live Jimmy: 💭 on it for a bit Janis: 🤔 Janis: washing your feet with my hair or??? Janis: ask Gracie, hers is detachable Jimmy: I know you don't wanna twin but about the only place I ain't found strands of yours is between my toes Jimmy: tah for not making me hold it back last night Jimmy: two handed job, that Janis: if that's what you were doing with your hands, loads to brag about in the review Janis: I dunno then, fish supper? Jimmy: stick it in the group chat ❌🤮 bit and we'll see if 💀👑 still has her phone Janis: about my lack of a gag reflex? Janis: #hardrelate and they're 😭😭 they lost it Janis: more valuable 🍒 Jimmy: her dad wouldn't agree and he'll not have stopped 😭😭 about that lad Janis: can get surgery to pop that back Janis: her ma will know Jimmy: 🎄🎁 sorted Janis: he'll still KNOW Janis: no going back to being 👸 Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: who's not got a dad now, like Janis: #disowned Jimmy: if she kills herself and I get stuck with her 👻 Jimmy: that there's a REAL rom com, soz babe Janis: happily let her take you off my hands Jimmy: 👍 Janis: forever ever is an awfully long time Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: gutted I don't have a 💍 to do you a fake proposal at midnight mass Jimmy: need a Sharon leaving her tat about, sort it out Ian Janis: leaning into the hallmark romcoms there Jimmy: your nan not a fan? Janis: god knows Janis: literal, probably chats about her daily with him constant Jimmy: 😂 Janis: poor bloke Janis: not even a nun, stop bending his ear like you 💍 him Jimmy: #godssidechick Janis: she's used to it Janis: 😱 Janis: LOVES the priest and all Jimmy: OMG how fit and mysterious is he? Janis: Well there's a NEW one, can you believe it Janis: haven't been in years, like Jimmy: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy: @graciegurl I NEED a makeover RN Janis: she'll be too busy trying to match with a baby Jimmy: 📷 tah Janis: what? Jimmy: come on, I wanna 👀 see who's 😭 more, her or the 👶 Janis: oh Janis: [probably already harassing ruster and the kids so have at those socials] Jimmy: what did you think I meant? Janis: that would wanted her to 📷 her motd for you to copy or something Jimmy: 🥇💡 out serve her 👗 in the eyes of god Janis: is that really a challenge though Jimmy: nah, which is why I won't actually bother Janis: sure she won't either Janis: not in a 😍 way, just the wholesome 😇 thing Jimmy: as excuses go, it's a 🏅 for participation again Janis: well you'll see why when you get there Jimmy: LOVE it when you bust out a threat Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: it's not a threat really but again, sure you will be Jimmy: SO 😁 me Jimmy: sod off 🎅 I'm waiting for god to hand out the 🎁🎁 Janis: ugh don't Janis: she does think she's a fucking gift from god Jimmy: I wanna hate her but obvs that's where you get your big head from, girl and I 💕 that about you Janis: shut up Janis: I ain't nothing like her Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: one of a kind 🏆 Janis: just not a cunt Jimmy: thank GOD we're faking this 'cause that's totally my type Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: go on Janis: go have a good day Janis: see you later Jimmy: say piss off like you mean it Janis: come on Jimmy: what? Janis: I just don't want to talk about my family Jimmy: alright Jimmy: crack on slagging off mine for a bit if you want Jimmy: piss easy 🎯 Janis: I'm alright for it Janis: I'll go put myself in that coma Jimmy: nice of you to give Lucas a 🎁 Jimmy: I'll fake not feeling left out Janis: oi Janis: I gave you presents Jimmy: not an induced coma though, were it? Janis: crack on if you've got a spare 5 minutes Jimmy: for you, always have 💕 Janis: so goals Janis: isn't that another Sandy film? Jimmy: not her in the coma Jimmy: but there is sibling bollocks that Gracie'd lose her shit over Janis: yeah but she does fuck a dude in a coma, more or less Janis: is what I'm getting at Jimmy: she's desperate for it, til she ain't Jimmy: not fake dating the way we do it Janis: so she pussies out at the end Janis: 🙄 Janis: expected better of you, Sandra Jimmy: it's ages before then, trying to crack on to his brother as soon as he shows up, her Jimmy: ain't a kink unlocked, Lucas'll have to elsewhere to feel seen Janis: you know the best sites, share the wealth 👮🚨 Jimmy: might if he's got a 🎁 for me Janis: it's the detentions when we get back Janis: no patience, you Jimmy: be long gone by then Janis: sucks for you then Jimmy: you'll have to tell me about it Janis: what, in my 💌s Jimmy: slide into my DMs, baby Jimmy: won't be that many J's in there Jimmy: if we're going back up north no dickhead knows their alphabet that far Jimmy: 👶 names stop at G for Gaz Janis: yet your ability to think up obscure J names knows no bounds Janis: weird flex but alright Jimmy: 🖋🎨 Janis: oh I get it Janis: Bill talking right now Janis: 👋 lad Jimmy: valorous m'rning, wench 👋 Jimmy: at which hour art thee going to leaveth this daw and runneth off with me? Jimmy: that gent cannot coequal readeth 'r writeth Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: how shall thee knoweth thou art did love?!! Janis: I feel like Asia any time any lad opens his mouth Janis: don't fully know what you're saying but I know I like it Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: he's taking the piss out of me, 'course you do Janis: of course Janis: SUCH a bully, me Jimmy: the angelics were last night Jimmy: you've got today off Janis: s'what 💀👑 crying on in my inbox right now Janis: not like she actually makes it her life's mission to be a massive bitch to everyone or nothing 👌 Jimmy: show us Janis: [Mia acting the victim like THAT WAS TOO FAR I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE etc] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: bit rude of her to give me fuck all credit Janis: the obsession is real Janis: plus why blame a lad when you can a girl Janis: more drama more fun 🙌 Jimmy: do you wanna do something? Jimmy: no challenge to go further Janis: Don't know Janis: if she's bullshitting how serious it actually is, there's always NYE to fuck up as well Jimmy: alright, do you want a night off instead? Janis: it's christmas eve Jimmy: and? Janis: only the really unlucky work it Janis: and 🎅 Jimmy: there you go then, be piss easy to do 📵 Janis: but you've got your brother Jimmy: weren't gonna put him on a selfie ban an' all Janis: he would be gutted Jimmy: he's already watched Rudolf get bullied by the 😎 lad who looks like he were in a reindeer boyband, bit of the glowing red nose for him it were, but we know how it ends Jimmy: he'll dry his eyes and be alright Janis: that film is brutal Janis: should come with a warning, tbh Jimmy: that'll be why Ian put it on for him Janis: seems like his cup of tea Janis: if your difference makes you useful, then we'll start being alright to you Janis: dunno how being deaf is gonna get all the prezzies out on time but you know Jimmy: toughen up and get a job, lad Jimmy: dunno what you're pissing about at Janis: being 6? psh Jimmy: when he were 6 he were down a mine, DUH Janis: and that's why you're short Janis: got it Jimmy: and that's why I've gotta wear 👠 Janis: Alright, you can borrow a pair Janis: don't beg Jimmy: soz that I wanna be a slag for Jesus Jimmy: his foot fetish is well known, gotta go above and beyond 🏆 Janis: 😂 Janis: slags4jesus is the name of the women's group she runs so Janis: fit right in Jimmy: sign me up Janis: 'course Janis: really, you just try to one up each other with the best 🍰s and who the father LOVES more Janis: well like the gals, so easy Jimmy: well in, I'll do a 🥧 Jimmy: cut my 👶🦷 on crusts 🍺s and 🥔s Janis: down the mines, I remember Janis: she LOVES a sob story Janis: obvs, the bible is one big 😭😱🤯 read Jimmy: that's him, my only job were being a MASSIVE letdown, obvs Jimmy: employee of the month every time Janis: even barista boy is preferrable Janis: at least you can't be a mistake, being the first, like Jimmy: still managed it 🏆🥇💪 Jimmy: middle kid's the only one they wanted, bit awkward she's a girl, like Janis: 👎 unlucky, Ian Jimmy: unlucky for me I am his Jimmy: 😒 an' all Janis: you don't need to tell me Janis: nothing more disappointing Jimmy: 🤞 for my sister she ain't Jimmy: be nowt better as a 🎄🎁 Janis: What do you mean? Jimmy: having a different dad would be #ultimategoals Janis: or something to have a complex about Janis: go find the other cunt and he's just as shit Jimmy: he'd have to go some Jimmy: or be 💀💀💀 Janis: give a bloke a chance and he'll just disappoint you Janis: 2 of my sisters have a different dad, and he's just as shit, just not dead Janis: not like your mum was hiding a 🤴 right Janis: fairytale shit Jimmy: Oi, that don't sound like you've been taking notes from Rudolf's #rideordie missus Janis: obviously you're the exception to every rule Jimmy: late but decent save, mate Janis: no point diving 'til you need to Janis: always premature, you Jimmy: not with ankles like yours Jimmy: and I were born late, ALMOST like I knew how grim it were up north Janis: shut up Janis: like I'd play goalie anyway, though they always try it 'cos I'm the tallest Janis: typical you too, awkward Jimmy: not enough 👏👏🌹 for you, I get it Janis: just boring Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you know, you're a lad Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: SUCH a lad, me Janis: just an observation but take it as 👏👏🌹 if you're hard up for it Jimmy: tah Jimmy: not having 💀👑 in my inbox is a real blow to my big head Janis: if her dad ever lets her out again Janis: hit you up to 💔 me hard, I'm sure Jimmy: I'll have the 🥀 ready Janis: if that's a metaphor for your inability to get it up for her, get Jimmy back, Bill, trying to talk here Jimmy: 😏 Janis: can you even imagine Janis: have more fun with a cheese grater, seriously Jimmy: 💰 on Asia's dad being a right good time Janis: yeah, well you 💘 her Janis: got to have got that sparkling wit from somewhere Jimmy: hang on, these reindeer are proper starcrossed Jimmy: behind bars and all sorts Jimmy: 📝 Janis: despite what Mia reckons, don't think her daddy can jail us for this Janis: have to go a bit harder Jimmy: count me in Jimmy: reckon I'm gonna have to go a bit harder to get Ian's feet out from under the table here an' all Janis: 👍 Janis: sooner the better Janis: festivities are doing my head in Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: if Sharon gets namedropped any more than he has done, I'll be 🍽 for her tomorrow Janis: ew Janis: Sharon, you not got a family of your own? Janis: someone we can call, like Jimmy: sounds like she's got kids she'd be bringing Janis: 😬 Janis: that's hell Jimmy: 🤞 he's all 🗨 and ain't gonna risk showing her what his happy family's like Janis: nothing better than a 'best behaviour' christmas Jimmy: I dunno, today's gonna win some 🏆🏆🏆 Janis: you're loving rudolph and your #ladsladslads time, don't lie Jimmy: finished that, about to go on a massive 🐕🏃 before I smack Ian Jimmy: so festive Janis: I'm pretending I'm 😴 Jimmy: top fake snores, yeah? Janis: that and hiding under the covers 'til they fuck off Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I can piss off if it'll give you away Janis: don't worry Janis: they know I ain't, as my oldest sister rudely came in and tore my blankets off me Janis: still ignore them just the same Janis: sign language you taught me is well helpful Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: still loads of time to get more lessons in before the hol is over Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: least the kid will enjoy your walk Janis: and the 🐕 Janis: obvs Jimmy: 😒🚬 and 😎🖍 Jimmy: 🐕💔 'cause you ain't here Janis: 😏 Janis: tell her it's mutual Jimmy: tell her yourself, you ain't mute Jimmy: 🗨💌 Janis: am too Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: should've said you lost your voice last night Jimmy: what could be more #goals or a better alibi for not grassing up 💀👑 Janis: should've had this 🥇💡 last night Janis: idc, she knew it was us, it was obvious, half the point Jimmy: talk to me then Janis: I am Jimmy: 👂? Janis: oh, I get it Janis: you wanna chat so you look 😎 too Janis: yeah, alright Jimmy: the health of your vocal cords is well important to me and my nursing kink Jimmy: nowt else Janis: practice makes perfect Janis: go ahead, least then I can pretend this is a private conversation Jimmy: [sings her a song from the Rudolf film like hey] Janis: [dramatic late 90s slow jam that it is lmao, how could you not lol] Jimmy: [Bobby may be deaf but the other peeps out and about aren't so I'm loling, oh jimothy] Janis: [just like, have you considered going on whatever x factor equivalent is a thing now] Jimmy: [talking about how much their fans would love that and they'd be starcrossed af while he's doing it] Janis: ['dedicate every performance to me, pretend I'm dying in some hospital somewhere, miraculous recovery for the finale'] Jimmy: ['be a top plot twist when you kill me'] Janis: ['press'll have a field day'] Jimmy: ['Ian'll be chuffed to bits' because we know his mum's disappearance got some attention locally hens] Janis: ['lives for attention too, yeah?'] Jimmy: ['you'd be a great match, you're right'] Janis: ['you'll have to introduce me'] Jimmy: ['come round tomorrow, more the merrier, clearly' thank god I'm not actually gonna make you spend it with Ian's gf though] Janis: ['just tell the kid he's got to be a dick, not all cute and friendly, she won't wanna come back'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll get him practicing, have him kick this dog or something'] Janis: [noise equivalent of an eyeroll] Jimmy: ['what were that?' as if we don't know] Janis: ['you're a dickhead' but a light tone we're not fuming lol] Jimmy: [say it back but likewise not in a fuming way] Janis: ['any fans out?'] Jimmy: [sending pisstakey pics of people who definitely aren't fans that she won't see til this phone call ends to make her lol 'nowt we could go where there wouldn't be' like we're SO popular which is another pisstake but honestly where's the lie] Janis: ['true, even the sheep rate us'] Jimmy: ['first class representation'll do that' because that sheep costume was great and we all know it] Janis: ['good times' not even lying] Jimmy: ['the lad'll be heartbroken you ain't here an' all if he wants to craft in a bit' because also true] Janis: ['he don't need my help, or yours' lil art hoe but we sad 'cos bored and fuming about xmas lol] Jimmy: [noise equivalent of like mhmm without being that cos he's not one of the gals, when you open your mouth to say I need you though after that but obvs can't and don't] Janis: ['you twirling the cord 'round your finger?' like he is one of those gals] Jimmy: ['might be'] Janis: ['alright, tease' 😏] Jimmy: [a noise like he's so OTT offended like call me a slag or anything else but not that] Janis: ['soz, but if the secretarial role and blank expression fits, babe'] Jimmy: ['I ain't trying to be my dad's type, you want Mia on your other line, babes'] Janis: [a noise like ew, okay, this is weird 'I'll stop'] Jimmy: ['stop what?' like we're playing but really we're like don't stop talking to me ILY] Janis: ['you shouldn't have provided such a compelling narrative, but her in my inbox is enough, if I have to HEAR her attempt at a Southside accent, like you're not from here as well Mia'] Jimmy: [a noise because we sincerely and genuinely hate her so much] Janis: ['caveman works better, who's type is that but mine, obvs'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll do a twitter poll'] Janis: ['you're meant to be having a day off' the affection in our voice] Jimmy: ['I don't want one' true but we'll pretend it's fake if we have to] Janis: ['junkie' and a jokey tut] Jimmy: ['that's every dickhead I ain't made a latte for all day'] Janis: ['the shakes are real, Gracie's fucked her steady hand, like'] Jimmy: ['explains the shit make up' harsh sir] Janis: [lols but gasps like we're so SHOOK hunz 'you that wanted the makeover earlier, like'] Jimmy: ['never said I could do any better'] Janis: ['you don't need any, bastard'] Jimmy: ['neither do you, no need to mard at me' again where's the lie] Janis: ['I ain't, but I can see why they obsess over you, don't know whether to punch you or fuck you'] Jimmy: [a lol] Janis: ['choice is made easy with me by how straight they are, especially Mia and Ella' like lofuckingl hen] Jimmy: [a bigger lol] Janis: [silently 😍] Jimmy: ['if you wanna do the full face of silver again, won't mard at you' cos what a look tbh] Janis: [hmms like we're pondering 'how many hickeys do you still have?' adds 'that'll be on show' quieter, because we know and we remembering 'if it's not a lot, a red lip might be a fair shout to show how much we're sinning'] Jimmy: [lost in our thoughts being distracted af for a while there because we already missed the bae but now we MISS her as well 'not as many as you' isn't even true but 1. we're competitive  and 2. we're shamelessly asking for more here like it isn't christmas eve and we aren't starcrossed rn] Janis: ['can't have that...' also distracted, obvs 'he'll be going to sleep well early, yeah? so santa comes sooner' 'cos I do remember going to bed earlier like the sooner you're asleep the sooner he'll be here 'could do something more fun than singing hymns before, maybe'] Jimmy: ['he's got the tracker but if nowt else I'll cause a sugar crash' because kids all do be tracking Santa now on an app like gotta get to bed before he flies over your area lol but jimothy is like you WILL go to bed early Bobert because he already wants to get away 'reckon I could pick you up without causing an actual one though' because not above stealing Ian's car and abandoning it somewhere on christmas eve, it's very deserved] Janis: [makes an ugh noise, like don't even with that bloody tracker lmao 'but I can walk now' 'cos just assuming that's what he means, as per] Jimmy: ['but Ian deserves to more than you' because he does and how funny is that as a visual him trying to find his car, sucks to suck sir 'he might like the middle of nowt, move us there an' all'] imagine the next door neighbour cliche haha] Janis: [catching on like lol, alright 'never mind wifeswap, houseswap it is'] Jimmy: ['pick him a sheep, give it a blonde dye job, name it Sharon, paradise for him, that'] Janis: [just like ewwww] Jimmy: ['alright, I hear you, no farmyard threesomes at my housewarming' don't worry bae, won't fuck a sheep lol] Janis: ['I'm just thinking about how I look like a sheep with a blonde dye job' pouty voice] Jimmy: ['shut up' like NO YOU DON'T 'you look-' remembering that we can't just out ourselves 'fit, mysterious and obvs, most importantly, goals'] Janis: ['you would say that' like sheep shagger lol] Jimmy: ['never even seen a sheep before that nativity bollocks, me' oh manchester never been there but I have heard you are shit] Janis: ['I forgot you ain't moors and dales Northern'] Jimmy: [an OTT how dare you kinda noise like you should remember everything about me] Janis: ['I know, I know, gotta study for the next Q&A'] Jimmy: ['gotta go cry my eyes out'] Janis: ['shh, baby' 😏 'twix will comfort you'] Jimmy: ['does look a bit like a sheep, her'] Janis: ['you are an animal'] Jimmy: [a pisstakey grr or whatever which everyone out and about will enjoy I'm sure] Janis: ['do that again' like you're SO into it but we're obvs loling] Jimmy: [does though because no shame] Janis: ['perks of a deaf brother is he has no idea how embarrassing you are, I get it now'] Jimmy: ['not saying I deafened him cos my sister hates me or owt but'] Janis: [gasps like OMG and does the eastenders duff duffs] Jimmy: [loling again because we're just having a lovely time with the bae] Janis: ['so on brand for you' like you did cripple me 'what are you gonna try tonight, like' like how you gonna injure me again but it just sounds saucy] Jimmy: ['I'll think of something' cos we're thinking all the saucy things now] Janis: ['I believe in you'] Jimmy: ['more than that other dickhead' yeah we do mean santa lol] Janis: ['no need to be jealous, he was a right let down for us all'] Jimmy: ['I ain't, my lap's never been a letdown for you'] Janis: [just a noise so then we're like 'shut up' but soft 'cos we're embarrassed] Jimmy: [telling her to do it again like she did but not in a pisstakey manner at all this time] Janis: ['you should be here, then you could make me make whatever sounds you wanted'] Jimmy: ['in a bit' but with way more feeling than it suggests, like that's a promise honey] Janis: ['good' likewise, practically a sigh of relief at the prospect] Jimmy: [a sigh from him in return but because he wishes it was now] Janis: ['I-' and whatever we were gonna say is not gonna be said '-I've gotta go, I think' tbf the fam are probably being annoying so go moodily sit on your phone] Jimmy: ['you-' likewise we're not finishing that sentence 'should piss off then' but soft because we're not annoyed we're just forlorn] Janis: good chat 💪🏆 Jimmy: [sending her even more hilarious 'fan' pics because we gotta do something to cheer us] Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: when ain't that flasher looking bloke in my DMs, honestly 😂 Jimmy: #same Jimmy: if you were after a threesome, he's the one Janis: we don't need to spice it up Janis: we proved that Jimmy: won't bother asking him if he needs a lift in a bit then Janis: just saying, 💀👑 literally threatened to tell my ma on me Janis: like go ahead, I don't wanna fuck her so Jimmy: your mum might be after a bit of gossip about what a cheating slag 💀👑 is Jimmy: SUCH a bad influence for Gracie, that Janis: sadly not that kind of Sharon Janis: though she already hates her 'cos who don't Jimmy: chuffed for her that she ain't in the running to 💍 Ian Janis: we only PRETEND you're my hot step-brother sometimes Janis: don't ruin the fantasy, guys Jimmy: they've got form for not being seen again, and the orphan at 🎄 bollocks is a bit too cliche even for you, my dear Janis: fine Janis: at least take my sister then Janis: ffs Ian Jimmy: which one? Janis: oldest one Janis: I don't want you to meet her Jimmy: knowing him he could go through 'em all before new year's Janis: ones already dead so it's only 3 Janis: easy Jimmy: there you go then Janis: IOU Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me before new year's and we're even Janis: Promise Jimmy: and have a 💭 where we should leave his car Janis: I know a place Jimmy: I knew you would Janis: I am half criminal Janis: his stereotype is correct Jimmy: me an' all, he just ain't been caught for owt Jimmy: that #whiteprivilege Janis: 'cept the arse slapping Janis: but I ask you, is it SUCH a crime to tell a woman to smile more? Jimmy: slap on the wrist then though, bit poetic Janis: bit kinky Janis: frankly, he was into it Jimmy: 'course Janis: does depend though Janis: do you want his car left alone or do you want it burnt out Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: one you should answer Jimmy: depends if chauffeuring you about is gonna become a regular thing, more like Janis: if I was bothered about that, I'd just date a 17 year old Janis: there's 2 real options, or 3 Jimmy: it's 45 + or nowt for you, Janet, every dickhead knows that Janis: exactly, got those lifts on tap Jimmy: probably shouldn't make my sister that easy prey for Lucas and his mates, the rivalry would be knackering Jimmy: my fake age's already getting a bit old for him 💔 Janis: then there's 2 options Janis: we can put it in a ditch Janis: that might result in a bit more damage, but it might also make him think someone else nicked it? idk Janis: or we can just put it in a field by mine, less damage but it'll be more obvious it were you, if that's what you want Jimmy: I don't reckon he'll pack up and move just 'cause there's dickhead car thieves about Janis: more obvious the better Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just don't crash on your way over Jimmy: I won't have had chance to get pissed, it's alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥛 out for 🎅 not Ian's precious 🥃 OBVS Janis: very wholesome Janis: nothing to do with how depleted his stock is Jimmy: 😏 Janis: imagine how wrecked 🎅 would be by the end of the night Jimmy: bit like you last night is what I 💭 Janis: You had the outfit Janis: uncanny, some would say Jimmy: alright, enjoy your 💭💕 Janis: shut up Janis: if I was that pissed, wouldn't even remember it so there Jimmy: it were an unforgettable outfit Jimmy: and you've got loads of 📷 Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll go 👀 then Jimmy: go on Janis: don't distract me Jimmy: why not? Janis: because Jimmy: ? Janis: I already want to see you Janis: don't make it worse Jimmy: you won't if you forget about me 👻💔 Janis: that's only the plan for when you've fucked off Janis: or if we end this before then Jimmy: getting Lucas to comfort you in detention, yeah I've heard Janis: just inevitable, that Jimmy: just that #fated Janis: like you said, he strikes when 💔 Janis: #grooming101 Jimmy: it's a 😭 shame the Sharons all are too old for him Janis: biggest difference between him and his bezzie mate Ian, obvs Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: they work around it Janis: so solid Jimmy: OBVS where I get my work ethic from Janis: must be Janis: we'll be nice and not call it an addiction Jimmy: keep you on that list until after 🎅's pissed off Janis: BABE 😤 Janis: I'm ALWAYS nice to you Jimmy: never said you weren't Jimmy: and wouldn't in case you kick off, proper nightmare, you Janis: 😭😭😭 OMG Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: the real #goals Jimmy: 🔪or ✂👅 Janis: ✂ would be satisfying Jimmy: bit rude that we're PRETENDING my 👅 isn't Jimmy: but alright, from 💀👑's SUPER straight POV, I get it Jimmy: closed mouth 💋🐸 Janis: if she's not gonna blow you, you aren't allowed to go down on her Janis: s'like, the rules Jimmy: #daddyperks Janis: only man big enough to trigger her gag reflex Janis: how romantic Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😬 feel sick myself Jimmy: you said you wanted turning off Jimmy: job done Janis: not exactly what I said, bighead Jimmy: shh Janis: or what Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: we'll be back at square 1 Janis: fine Jimmy: is it? Janis: 😇 Jimmy: wings did suit you Janis: got some weird looks bringing them back on the bus Jimmy: surprised you didn't 🔥 knowing what you're like Janis: should've Janis: they aren't actually mine but dunno why I let that stop me Jimmy: whose are they? Jimmy: 🤞 for your gay brother tbh Janis: he isn't the camp cliche Janis: thankfully Janis: but my mum is weird so swings and roundabouts Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll be the camp cliche your family is missing Janis: thanks Janis: just what I needed a fake boyfriend for tbh Jimmy: duh Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi, don't 🙄 @ me Janis: 🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: it's @ the 🌍 Jimmy: nice try on the 😇 for that sec Janis: it's not in my nature Janis: believe it or not Jimmy: that'll why it were such a good costume Janis: Rude Jimmy: it's a compliment, dickhead Jimmy: take it Janis: that I'm a right bitch, yeah, tah Jimmy: that weren't what I said Jimmy: nowt but 😈's getting me out of here Janis: works for you Jimmy: and what, me needing a hand off you does nowt for you all of a sudden? Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: what then? Janis: just reminds me I'm here for the foreseeable Jimmy: I'll shove you in my bag, SO flexible, you, I've heard Janis: and you're so funny Jimmy: you ain't heard that anywhere about Janis: you gutted they're not gossiping about your fit personality Janis: poor baby Jimmy: sounds about right Jimmy: 💔 these dickheads don't know everything about me Jimmy: all I want for 🎄 that Janis: it's great fun Janis: really recommend Jimmy: 👍 10/10 5⭐s Jimmy: you're alright, I've been there, done it Jimmy: bought the 😎 Janis: dunno why you want to go back Jimmy: never said I did Janis: yeah but Janis: don't you Jimmy: for what? Janis: same reason you wanna leave Jimmy: never said that either Janis: everywhere's the same Janis: why does it matter that you piss off Jimmy: it don't matter to me Janis: alright Janis: I get it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: don't be a douche Jimmy: how am I? Janis: just no need to be condescending Jimmy: I weren't Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you get it, that's not nowt when I'm shit with words Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: should've been more obvious Janis: all you care about is your brother and sister Jimmy: don't @ my manager, tah Janis: 🤐 Janis: coffee IS your passion Jimmy: ☕💕 Janis: top 🥉barista boy Jimmy: *🥇 Janis: I put you on the podium, don't push it Jimmy: I'll push you off yours if you're gonna be a dickhead Janis: *pedestal Janis: we can confirm 🥈 alright Jimmy: steady on 🤓 Jimmy: and yeah, you can give yourself 🥈 often as you like Janis: you won't be invited to 👀 Jimmy: don't need an invite when I've got a long lens, babe Janis: 😡 just FYI Jimmy: 👀📷 Jimmy: FYI my 🐕 might look a bit like you but she's a shit muse Janis: 1. so complimentary today, definitely posting all these animal comparisons to the 'gram 2. never work with 🐕, 👶 or 👶🐕 Jimmy: I could do better but you told me you couldn't hack it Janis: no I never Jimmy: don't make it worse, you said Janis: fine, do Jimmy: [a 🔥🔥 sext that's full of compliments because she asked for it] Janis: okay Janis: you're Jimmy: I wanna see you an' all Janis: I can't stop thinking about you today Jimmy: it'll chuck the outfit back on if that were it Janis: not just that Janis: but it was a bonus Jimmy: what else? Janis: just Janis: you were fun Janis: and hot Janis: I don't know Jimmy: Oi, am I not ALWAYS? Janis: shh, you know what I mean Janis: I want to see you especially hard today Jimmy: I'm just taking the piss, you're alright Jimmy: I get it Janis: you better Janis: or I will have to make sure you feel it Jimmy: I already do feel it but that ain't a no Jimmy: on owt you wanna make me do Janis: that's a 💡💭 Jimmy: go on Janis: I keep thinking Janis: we could make use of the car Janis: 📸 some more evidence for you Jimmy: you're impressive Janis: I selfishly just want to, but if we can make it useful we do, that's the rules, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: but you can call me impressive all you like Jimmy: you can earn it however you like Janis: fuck Janis: why are you the only lad that's interesting Jimmy: why do you want other lads to be interesting? Janis: I don't Janis: I didn't think you would be Jimmy: rude Janis: 'cos you thought I would be Jimmy: I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't Janis: I've got eyes, not saying that Janis: it's Janis: I didn't expect this, obviously Jimmy: fit AND mysterious, that means I were interested Janis: reasons there's gay rumours, I guess Jimmy: I don't care what the dickheads at school think, I'm telling you what I reckoned Janis: I'm glad you picked me Janis: for loads of reasons Jimmy: me an' all Janis: I didn't disappoint then? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: you make it very hard to beg for validation, you know 😏 Jimmy: you make it well easy to beg for all sorts Janis: I wanna hear Janis: I really want that Jimmy: alright but I'm not saying it in front of all your sisters and nans Janis: well that ain't what I want either, oddly enough Jimmy: go to whatever hiding place your mum ain't stashed 🎁🎁 Janis: we always find places to be alone Jimmy: impressive, I said it Janis: I don't disagree Jimmy: good, 'cause it'd only be for the sake of Janis: I'm being nice Janis: I want to be, to you, anyway Jimmy: I don't disagree with that either Jimmy: you're being so Janis: you've earnt it Janis: today would be more shit if you weren't about to talk to so Jimmy: I don't need to go on about how #relatable that is when there's loads more you wanna hear me say but Janis: rude of me when you're not much of a talker Janis: like it when you do though Jimmy: [call her up again this time to talk her ear off in a saucy manner boy] Janis: [into it honey] Jimmy: [we know what #mood you are both very much in rn and where that's heading lol] Janis: [I hope you hear Ian, not in a weird way but fuck you lol] Jimmy: [agreed also not in a weird way] Janis: [start as we mean to go on, and we're fucking you over sir] Jimmy: [not soz because you're literally one of the worst parents we have and that's saying something] Janis: [you do deserve it, even if this doesn't produce the effect you want Jimothy, not soz about that either though] Jimmy: [am very soz you're gonna get hurt but not soz you're staying here with your bae forever] Janis: [yeah that's not nice, we are running awayawayay] Jimmy: [and taking all our faves with us, unlucky Mia] Janis: [we can skip now we've made you pine though?] Jimmy: [yeah we know the vibe is that you're hating life until you can be together and your fams would be keeping you at least a bit busy] Janis: what you wearing if not the costume? Janis: I'm 🤔 Jimmy: what do you want me to? Janis: I'm thinking not church respectable but without being the costumes, you know Janis: festive hoe hoe hoe lite Janis: that's the VIBE babe Jimmy: [sends her options with him doing pisstakey impressions of how the gals pose] Jimmy: ? Janis: YOU LOOK STUNNING, YOU HAVE TO UPLOAD THESE ALL! Janis: but [an option, I'll show you what I'm going with for her and then you can pick whatever you want lol] is good Jimmy: [does upload them all cos no shame] Janis: [so many pisstakey hype comments like 😍😍😍 like we're not lying but we being like the #gals] Jimmy: [just having a lovely time via socials, sucks to suck Mia cos we know you're in the shit hun] Janis: [i'd feel bad if you weren't awful, you need calming down frankly madam] Jimmy: Where we going? Janis: pub, of course Janis: xmas eve pub crawl is tradition Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: that alright? Jimmy: it's what that pisshead 🎅 would want us to do Janis: RIP 'til next year Janis: if you make it Jimmy: you promised to 💀💀💀 me before new year's so if I'm still about that'll be your fault Janis: I'm talking about pisshead 🎅 Janis: he's already 🥴 Jimmy: [sends her a screenshot of this tracker showing wherever he is] Janis: love it Janis: need one for you Janis: #amiriteladiez Jimmy: if it means I don't get lost on the way to yours, crack on Janis: strap a satnav to you Jimmy: need a big strap to go round my head Janis: massive Janis: one of those resistance bands Jimmy: if them athlete rumours weren't bollocks you'll be able to sort that piss easy Janis: can't wait to twang you 'round the face with it Jimmy: 😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: on the same page, us, as per Janis: speaking of Janis: want a preview of what I've decided on for 🙌🙏 or you want a surprise? Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Janis: fair warning, it's no angel look, I don't need to be 🌩 down before you can 🔪 Jimmy: I were gonna ask if my 👴💘 were gonna give out but that answers that Janis: soz, not yet Janis: disappointing now Jimmy: nah, hot priest's jaw'll still be on the floor and your shit nan'll still be 💔 Janis: [this glittery 70s moment] Janis: it's festive but it DOES not honour God so yeah Janis: 😳 and 😡 respectively Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: might have to ✎ you for today's 🎨 'cause that's Jimmy: #art Janis: I've even got a discoball to shine in his 👀 when he's trying to read Jimmy: thought of everything, you Janis: well Janis: had to do something to occupy my 🕠 Janis: couldn't keep bothering you ALL day, not very 😇 Jimmy: gonna have to do something to pull my weight Jimmy: not very goals of me to leave this all to you Janis: trust me, just showing up is enough Jimmy: for them, not you Janis: you know what I want Janis: so it is enough for me too Jimmy: alright Janis: you're gonna steal and not crash your dad's car Janis: that's impressive Jimmy: 🍒 for you Jimmy: had no chance to test out my gag reflex so Janis: you know how to drive though Jimmy: yeah Janis: good Janis: not being held responsible for vehicular manslaughter Jimmy: you can leave out the 🤓 words, I ain't letting nowt happen to you Janis: more concerned about you Janis: just don't use me as an alibi, I know nothing about this plan 😶 Jimmy: ah the Sharon defense Jimmy: 👍 Janis: your white privilege, you'll be fine Jimmy: Lucas is gonna be SO into you Janis: yeah, need that throwback Jimmy: he does, to when you were years younger Janis: 🤞 for his christmas wish Jimmy: tell me if it worked and I'm fake dating a 12 year old Jimmy: 🤞 you'd be as obvs as Tom Hanks in that film and I'd know but Janis: 🤞 you wouldn't be as down as the woman in that Jimmy: chuffed to bits, her Jimmy: if I ever seem that excited to see you it's 🔪🪓🔧🔨 Janis: obviously Janis: nothing but a deathwish here Jimmy: 🐑🚗 Janis: stop calling me a sheep dickhead Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: you're repeating it Jimmy: I were just saying you might wanna brace yourself to scrape your mates off my windscreen if them dickheads are owt like you Janis: they're stupid so yeah Janis: farmer's got guns though and that's not how I wanted to go Jimmy: BABE don't call yourself thick OMG Janis: 🙄 Janis: that's the rest of my family Janis: I'm Shaun Jimmy: jumper did suit you Janis: tah Jimmy: can't rate it as high as the wings or silver face but Janis: can accept the 🥉 Jimmy: might have to be chucked off the podium for today's outfit 💔🎻 Janis: but...we matched, babe 😭 Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Jimmy: IDK WHAT TO DO Janis: perils of turning too many lewks Jimmy: so rude of you Janis: maybe I'll make it up to you Jimmy: taking it off won't effect the rankings, Jules Janis: are you sure about that 🤔 Jimmy: you've got your own scale, girl Janis: do I Jimmy: yeah Janis: go on then Janis: don't leave me hanging Jimmy: I never said you were having it Janis: rude Jimmy: you're rude, stop trying to make me 😳 dickhead Janis: 😏 Janis: but it's cute Jimmy: it'll clash with my outfit, duh Janis: red cheeks go well with a red nose Jimmy: piss off, ain't even had a drink yet Janis: plenty of time to remedy that Jimmy: how long's it gonna take me to get to the middle of nowt for you? Janis: not that long in a car Janis: it's only that long on the bus 'cos of all the stops Jimmy: crack on doing your face red for church then 😈 Jimmy: take you ages that will Janis: oi Janis: so rude and so hypocritical Jimmy: you can do mine an' all Jimmy: know how you feel about 🍓👃s like Janis: can do Janis: since you're so against 😳 Jimmy: let a lad be mysterious Janis: you're gonna be Janis: only gracie has heard about you so Jimmy: know she rates me and my ☕🎨 Janis: hardly a 🏆 that Jimmy: I don't want any 🏆 from her, tah Jimmy: weren't like I accidentally picked the wrong twin out 'cause you look SO alike Janis: yeah I'll remember you 💬 that when you try and 💬 otherwise later Jimmy: you gonna smack me in the head til I'm 🧠💀💀💀 in a bit ? FINALLY Janis: you haven't got a brother I'm interested in so nah Janis: soz Jimmy: might do somewhere, don't be too 💔😭🎻 yet Janis: keep you having the odd 💡💭 'til that's #confirmed Jimmy: 👍 Janis: start the family tree, like Jimmy: weren't what I were gonna draw for you but alright Janis: if I have any more pictures of myself, people other than you might catch on to the big head thing Jimmy: I get it, you want a picture of me Jimmy: very subtle Janis: 😏 Jimmy: dunno if I've got a big enough piece of paper tbh Janis: s'what I tell EVERYONE Jimmy: love a Q&A you do Janis: *the fans Jimmy: *you Janis: lies and slander Jimmy: I keep telling you #notallsantas Jimmy: he's a lying pisstaking bastard but ME, nah Janis: 👌👌 Janis: believe in you when I 👀 you Jimmy: I've got the 🔑s, you'll be seeing me in a bit Janis: 🏆 Janis: be waiting Jimmy: Where? Jimmy: I can't pull up and let them all 👀 me Janis: pull up in my neighbours drive instead Janis: I'll be there Janis: [location] Jimmy: be able to spot your ✨ even with my 👴👀 Janis: 'course Janis: try not to blind you with my #shine Jimmy: 🌟 x as high as a northerner can count, you Janis: oh you Janis: 💖 Jimmy: don't be too chuffed that's only about 🌟🌟🌟 Janis: 💔 just as fast Janis: whatever will I do Jimmy: forgive me, obvs Janis: not your fault you're thick Jimmy: and I don't reckon Lucas' priority is improving my literacy, call me dead cynical Janis: wouldn't bet on it, personally Janis: but don't need to bet on this lot dobbing me in so we're 👍 Janis: might even get a cuppa, if I'm lucky Jimmy: if I were gonna call you a slag, it'd be now, with my jealousy 🗨 Janis: 😂 Janis: unlucky, boy Jimmy: 😒😒😒😒😒😒 Janis: shoulda got yourself a travel cup Jimmy: if I'd let the group chat know what we were up to they'd have reminded us Janis: SO helpful Janis: beside, not actually gonna go in Janis: be a bit awkward Jimmy: they've probably got pjs on, I get it Jimmy: too fit and mysterious, you Janis: just don't reckon showing up to your former childhood mates house unannounced is the one Janis: especially dressed like this much of a twat Jimmy: NOW I get it, you're 😍 Jimmy: would be awkward, that Janis: exactly Janis: not like I ain't spoke to 'em in years Jimmy: 😍 and 😳 Jimmy: this were the rom com all along Janis: obviously Janis: my sister did it first so ❌ unoriginal Jimmy: you're welcome for the nudge, mate Janis: SO funny Janis: hurry up and drive, dickhead Jimmy: don't 🥶 my dear Jimmy: there's loads more fun ways for your stubbornness to get you killed Janis: come show me Jimmy: [a picture of whatever shows the speed you're driving for cars of this era like okay we are going as fast as we can] Jimmy: no luck on the 👮🚔 escort, must've pissed off the lads by spending all my time with you Janis: I get it Janis: I miss you too Jimmy: it feels like ages Janis: yeah Janis: just a hectic day init Jimmy: *shit day Janis: that too Jimmy: Oi, you're my ☀ Jimmy: you're supposed to say some bollocks like when this is over we can just Janis: we can do whatever we want Jimmy: what about the 🐕s and ☕s? Janis: apart from that Janis: and school Janis: and the shit we have to do for the fans Janis: called a silverlining, alright, not the whole fucking cloud Jimmy: gonna run out of paper there yourself, all them bulletpoints Janis: not an actual 👼 or other type of miracle worker Jimmy: 😱😱 YOU WHAT? 💔 Janis: never said I was Janis: just a good costume 😈 Jimmy: never acted like you were either, I remember that much Janis: you weren't complaining Jimmy: you do make it hard to 🗨 Janis: you promised you would though Jimmy: I will Jimmy: 🏆💪🥇 me Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: whatever we want, you said Janis: yeah Janis: I did Jimmy: I wanna keep my promises Janis: okay Janis: I want it too Jimmy: alright then Janis: 🕠 Jimmy: if it weren't your night off you could tell it to the fans Jimmy: shot yourself in the good ankle there, Jean Janis: I'll have to patiently wait instead Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Janis: 😲 Janis: watch me Jimmy: on you go Janis: no, on YOU go Janis: I'm staying put Jimmy: press record so I can 👀🍿 you try to wait Jimmy: be a right 😂 Janis: 😣 Janis: not laughing when I was having tea and you weren't Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're struggling already though Janis: Shh, I am not Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: I'm not that easy to break, thank you Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: like you're a 🐴 and I'm some rich lass Janis: another animal comparison Janis: making me miss you less by the second tbh Jimmy: one I'd be fine with 🍆📏✔ so alright, you can be the 💰💰 Janis: 😂 Janis: you might be fine, I'd have serious internal injuries Jimmy: UGH okay, just the tip Jimmy: if that's really not how you wanna go Janis: how Bill really wanted to end Romeo and Juliet but you know Janis: he was already 💀 Jimmy: bloody censorship Janis: what's worse, bestiality or necrophilia? Jimmy: if you wanna keep your job, probably get down the cemetery Janis: you brought it up, horsecock Janis: not taking the blame Jimmy: you asked, there's your answer Janis: FINE Janis: get Bill back on the line Jimmy: he's biased, he wants you to fuck his corpse Janis: does explicitly state otherwise on his tombstone Jimmy: I know what I've heard from his 👻 Janis: awh, he talks about me Jimmy: never shuts up Jimmy: oh hang on, he wants you to fuck MY corpse Jimmy: 👻📞 problems Janis: interesting Janis: how either way, he wants me to fuck you Jimmy: his mind Janis: 🌌🧠 Jimmy: all the 🏆👏🌹 Janis: yeah, had to read some of his shit every year since we were like 10 Janis: we 👏 get 👏 it 👏 bill 👏 Jimmy: brb gotta ™ a 👶📖 called That's Not My Bard before some other dickhead does Janis: 🤑💰💰💰💰🤑 Jimmy: now you're impatiently waiting Jimmy: job done Janis: LOVE when you call me a gold digger Jimmy: you'd be a shit one Jimmy: don't make THAT much in tips Janis: not my goal Jimmy: no shit, you'd be on Mia's daddy if it were Janis: yeah Janis: or our neighbours dad Jimmy: or Ella's judging by her house Janis: exactly Jimmy: I'll @ 'em all when I ain't driving and can write a longer brag Janis: or application to be their sidepiece Janis: 👀 you Jimmy: #bitofrough 😘 Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on, you know you're my fave job Janis: piss off Jimmy: baby Janis: shh Janis: focus on your driving, asshole Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: [show up when it's been long enough sir] Janis: [get out of these people's drive tah girl, probably think you hoeing or something] Jimmy: [that isn't a rumour we need, turn the heating up boy she'll be cold after standing about] Janis: [been as stealth as poss. I hope] Jimmy: [also please don't crash the car cos you're 👀ing at her we don't need that either] Janis: ['you wanna abandon it now or later?' like are you gonna drunk drive or what 'cos obviously we're going out] Jimmy: ['where are we starting the pub crawl?' cos obvs don't wanna have to walk for miles and miles] Janis: ['there's enough 'round here to do one' shrug like up to you] Jimmy: [a nod like alright then we'll stick around here] Janis: [put feet on the dash like I'm warming up first though] Jimmy: [puts christmas songs on like I know you wanna hear these cos it's been a whole second since either of us have been forced to] Janis: [Ughs IRL Jimmy: [finds something less festive and annoying] Janis: ['kid go to sleep?'] Jimmy: [another nod but a face that expresses what fun and games it was to get him to] Janis: ['Libi ain't' 'cos she and mcvickers are probably sleeping over] Jimmy: ['he'll be gutted when he finds that out'] Janis: [mimes 💔 'too much sugar and I told her she can catch santa in the act so they're gonna have to try hard to fool her tonight'] Jimmy: [😏 cos we approve] Janis: [shrugs 'if I've gotta go to midnight mass, fuck their night too, yeah'] Jimmy: [a nudge like excuse you I'm going too so you'll have loads of fun because we do remember earlier when she called him fun and hot] Janis: [nudging him back like what? 'I get to ruin your night too 'cos I'm helping with the car' gestures like duh] Jimmy: ['ruin it then' how suggestive sir] Janis: [a kinda half LOOK 'cos obvs wanna but we're mad at you so can't yet] Jimmy: [a look like ? because we know that's not a full LOOK] Janis: [turns back to the xmas tunes like there you go] Jimmy: [turns them off fully because what's wrong please tell us] Janis: ['rude to Mariah' 'cos when is it not that song lol] Jimmy: ['she'll live' cos everyone else is listening to her lol] Janis: ['if she don't get that high note out, she might explode'] Jimmy: [turns it back on so she can have her moment] Janis: [just like there you go] Jimmy: [just looking at her] Janis: [own ? look] Jimmy: ['what?'] Janis: ['what do you mean 'what'?] Jimmy: [a nudge like you know what I mean] Janis: ['what?' again like, soz, not making this easy rn] Jimmy: ['I asked you first' and drawing a ? on her for emphasis] Janis: ['you didn't need to come early if you didn't want to'] Jimmy: ['I know' like obvs I did want to what are you talking about] Janis: ['a job is gonna be easier if you stick to what actually needs to be done'] Jimmy: [a noise like really this is why you're upset but we're saying 'come here'] Janis: [scowling like don't take the piss and shaking our head 'let's just go if we're going'] Jimmy: [repeating it like no seriously come here and be closer to me and look at me] Janis: ['this is stupid' 'cos we can't handle things normally and going to get out like what are you doing] Jimmy: [does get out like fine if you won't come to me I'll come to you and does so we're in her grill with eye contact 'yeah it is'] Janis: ['get out of my face' but not in an aggressive way] Jimmy: ['don't be a dickhead' likewise not in an aggressive way] Janis: ['stop saying I am' like stop acting like it's all me being stupid] Jimmy: [an exasperated noise that we can't help as is as much like I wish I was better at this than it is like an ugh against you gal 'I wanna be here'] Janis: ['clearly not now' which again is far more of, because I've fucked it up than it is a drag but there we go, again trying to walk away] Jimmy: ['don't be telling me what I want' we're not letting you go hen] Janis: ['it wasn't supposed to be another chore, and I don't want it if it is'] Jimmy: ['I've wanted to be here all day' because true, like that's the chore babe, not this] Janis: [just closing our eyes as we can't move away without pushing him rn and we aren't there yet 'you keep making me look stupid' pause 'not you, like you on purpose but this fucking...situation, I keep fucking it up'] Jimmy: ['me an' all' like I clearly upset you by being a dickhead so I'm fucking up too, it's not just you 'it's a headfuck, we've both said' cos it is and you have] Janis: ['you never come off looking as bad as I do' remembering every stupid thing we've ever said or done 'cos that bitch like wow, I look so lame, great but nods 'yeah' 'cos not disagreeing with that bit] Jimmy: ['I'll make a twat of myself now if that'll help' goes to get on the roof on this car like not even taking the piss we genuinely don't want her to feel bad] Janis: [just putting your arms out like don't slip 'cos lord knows it be icy 'I'd rather I just stopped but sure' like what is your plan tbh boy] Jimmy: [stands on this car roof and loudly recounts some scenario before they were paired up for this computer science project and he wanted to talk to her or whatever but made a twat of himself instead idk but you know the vibe and the trope haha like and this was before we were even in this situation so there you go] Janis: [just looking at him for the longest time then gesturing for him to get down like come here] Jimmy: [does obviously without falling to his death] Janis: ['truce?' and putting out you hand again because we can't and aren't outright apologizing] Jimmy: [shaking her hand because yes] Janis: [pulling him in the direction they need to go like let's get inside then] Jimmy: [get to that pub lads it's been a day for you] Janis: [first pint first pub baby] Jimmy: [you'll be downing that cos it's very much needed] Janis: [adjusting his ears when you sit down] Jimmy: [lowkey has probably forgot he has those antlers on by now so it's like oh yeah] Janis: [lil lol 'knew you loved Rudolph' like okay stan] Jimmy: [a lil lol back and we're humming the song like that's a banger] Janis: [rolls her eyes but affectionately] Jimmy: [draws whatever today's doodle is on a beer mat and then chucks it at her because #mood I like to think it's reindeer and 😳 related because duh] Janis: [just looking at it and smiling 'cos love it, do your socials gal] Jimmy: ['meant to be your night off' affectionately too like oh what are you like and pretending we're gonna chuck our phone in our pint glass but we obvs don't] Janis: [shrugs but not in a dismissive way as of earlier just like, may as well 'more #goals than a shit party'] Jimmy: [a noise like yeah that's not hard and draws the JJ love heart on the table like see, so's that] Janis: [handing him your keys like carve it so it's real, dickhead] Jimmy: [does] Janis: [snaps galore hun] Jimmy: [a look like are you gonna come here now] Janis: [likewise, does] Jimmy: [a really good kiss because what a day we've had] Janis: [get into it kids it's deserved] Jimmy: [honestly] Janis: [obviously we're getting on his lap, 'scuse us pub patrons leave it out of it, I did realise that you're in a jumpsuit so I've really limited how saucy you can be, hohaha what a cockblock, also heaven help you when you're pissed and need all the wees gal] Jimmy: [you gotta gal and he's likewise gotta make a sound because always, it's not for you pub peeps you shh, I had that same thought about the outfit being like oh no she'll be cold having to strip every time she wants to pee, they are so annoying] Janis: [we know it's v mutual, you do need to get a room tbh but at least wait a couple of pubs tah, and they truly are lmao, soz to do you like that but we're making a point with our 'fit here] Jimmy: [we'll let the tension build to an unbearable point and get a few more pints in you as we always do LOL] Janis: ['you're so-' between kisses 'cos always] Jimmy: [writes 'you' on her so he doesn't have to stop kissing to say it and going over and over the word like when he was carving the table because the most emphasis needed] Janis: [the reaction, you're welcome boy] Jimmy: [we know any reaction from her gets as good of a one back from him so you're both welcome] Janis: [these random old men and the show they're getting, soz not soz, just saying 'you' back and forth now] Jimmy: [thank god you're both 1. shameless 2. it's a pub crawl so we don't have to stay here all night 3. you don't have to go back if you don't want to because we're far too #into this] Janis: [we don't care lbr, unless any of y'all are gonna get creepy but don't need to right now] Jimmy: [cockblocked by her outfit and literally nothing else rn] Janis: [not at all frustrating, go get a second drink after a fashion] Jimmy: [doing the MOST so it's not frustrating but that's only more frustrating, oh the struggle] Janis: [clearly getting a stronger drink, like shots, to accompany the pint, that should be the minimum aim of each pub] Jimmy: [love that for you both, get wrecked before church kids] Janis: [oh lawdy shit nan is gonna be fuming, drag you in front of the congregation lolllllllll] Jimmy: [amazing] Janis: [lucky that's what we're going for and she won't for the SHAME of it all but she will be PISSED hence the new years eve dramaaaa] Jimmy: [it's a time for fucking over shitty family members and it all connects honey] Janis: [like these children need more of me and Jesus in their life hello, oh god, anyway, do these shot shot shots] Jimmy: [body shots also cockblocked by the outfit sadly but that's okay these old dudes don't need any more of a show] Janis: [yeah god damn you for wearing clothes for once guys] Jimmy: [when you live together you'll never have to and life will be glorious, hold on lads] Janis: [my boos favourite thing lol] Jimmy: [but for now drink your juice shelby] Janis: ['what did you ask santa for?' 'cos Bobby and Libi had the whole convo] Jimmy: ['to take the dog away in that sack' soz Twix 'you?'] Janis: [shakes her head like oh you 'a date, obviously' and a big sigh like we know how that went] Jimmy: [💔 mime] Janis: ['exactly' like you understand my pain, there's probably so many santa hats in here rn, dramatic shudder like the mems] Jimmy: [does some there there pats even if we have to reach idk how you're sitting now] Janis: ['there's always his elf mates' in a #gals impression 'cos very them idea] Jimmy: [never not gonna do a dramatic shudder of his own at the accuracy of that impression and then checking his phone like have they been summoned] Janis: [assumedly were all at the same party but mia and ella] Jimmy: [while he's on his phone checking in with Cass about the Bobby situation like is he still asleep and how much of a dick is Ian being] Janis: [just chill and check out what everyone else is up to 'cos you can be smug about how lame everything would be in comparison] Jimmy: [I do get why everyone is obsessed with y'all aside from the obvious of how you look cos you do make everything look fun and you always are having it] Janis: [being a teenager is just being really bored a lot of the time 'cos you can't do anything and you don't wanna be with your fam, that's the tea of it, so when you actually find someone you vibe with and have fun with, yeah, a mood] Jimmy: [mhmm, anyway get to pub 2 hens, you can 🚬 on the way cos I doubt they're next door to each other] Janis: [like I imagine there's lots of pubs but not like a street vibe where it's one after the other so do some walking deffo] Jimmy: [I vibe that because there always seems to be out in the country and it's lowkey like how do you all survive but okay] Janis: [drink driving is what people do but shh] Jimmy: [we know y'all will at some point even though you shouldn't] Janis: [remember when and everyone was mad, esp. Tess and she wasn't allowed to stay there lowkey] Jimmy: [we definitely need to bring that back because yes] Janis: [it seems more dramatic now for some reason, probably the Libi of it all?] Jimmy: [I was just about to say, because yeah it's 1100000000% that Libi exists and she's the one member of this fam that Janis fucks with rn] Janis: [bit rude to lowkey keep them apart even though we know it wouldn't be intentional but if you gonna be reckless gal] Jimmy: [we know where Tess be coming from but also where you're coming from JJ] Janis: [will be bringing that back, for sure, but let's not tonight, there's enough drama] Jimmy: [yeah there's loads of cool stuff we've done that we should bring back because I also remember another time she ran away and Jimmy and Cass went on a lil roadtrip to pick her up that was really good too] Janis: [oh I'd forgotten about that but yes, 100%, lots of stuff to consider] Jimmy: [anyways carve the JJ heart on a table in pub 2 boy because we're doing it in every one] Janis: [you simply must, #proof of this night, ty ty, saying this place is trying to do something and getting a Christmassy cocktail, why not mix your drinks lol] Jimmy: [they would and this pub would, I love that, they don't have to be good we know you'll accept the challenge and drink them regardless] Janis: [something spiced and gross down it tbh] Jimmy: [honestly it's probably milky or eggnoggy and NO THANK YOU] Janis: [eww, just like DON'T COME NEAR ME 'cos it was that gross] Jimmy: [but that ensures that he will come after you in a playful manner, probably tickling you or something, don't be sick either of you] Janis: [as if we didn't know, casual playfight of course but don't break anything ty] Jimmy: [this pub should have big jengas because they think they're doing something so you can knock someone's tower over] Janis: [dramaaaa the huns and hispters gonna be fuming at you 2] Jimmy: [but you can play if you want cos we know you're competitive] Janis: [you should, he could get 'injured' boy but not really really just in a funny way 'cos big jenga is lowkey lethal lol] Jimmy: [yeah because then she can have a turn dramatically nursing him for the lols, little do you both know he's gonna get hurt for real #foreshadowing and also they should write inspirational boss bitch huns quotes on the jenga pieces because we know he has a pen] Janis: [role reversal mood, even though that's rude, poor Jimothy, yes, make him sit with his feet up for the moment and get busy with the bants] Jimmy: [get a less disgusting drink and live your best lives for a bit] Janis: [I think you should get kicked out of the next one so yes] Jimmy: [oooooh what a mood] Janis: [as you are literally just 15 so it's not unreasonable to say some pubs and peeps clock it lol] Jimmy: [plus you're never on your best behaviour or subtle in any way lol] Janis: [exactly so you only have to piss off one person who's had it] Jimmy: [so easily done haha] Janis: [and you can exact some revenge fun so yah] Jimmy: [love that for you so much] Janis: [if we're doing 12 pubs like in Hazel's book, plenty of moods to go still] Jimmy: [definitely should and yeah we're talking about the 3rd being the one you get kicked out of so loads left] Jimmy: [you gotta hook up in the toilets of one obviously] Janis: [naturally, you're gonna need to at least mid point lol, maybe Pete could be in one with his mates n gf and you can have a little bro bonding moment that'd be cute] Janis: [karaoke obviously happens in one, probably the last though when we're drunk enough] Jimmy: [OMG yay I love Pete and you we have to start this lifelong bromance somewhere so yes that makes so much sense and I agree that karaoke is a nice way to end it because church will be a v different vibe]] Janis: [some carols are bangers but yes, on the whole haha] Jimmy: [gotta steal something either during this pub crawl or from church or both because that's your thing that you two do] Janis: [#mems so sneaky feelsy love that for you two, hmm is there anything else we can think of that we'd like to make a thing or] Jimmy: [there should be a dog at one of these pubs just chilling because that's also a you two thing] Janis: [so many pics of her with dogs in pubs, seriously lmao, so yeah] Jimmy: [sadly not in that outfit I'm sure] Janis: [we'll see if I can work something] Janis: [one should be truly bumping, like more than the others, so they can lose each other for a hot sec, you should probably both realistically get hit on some] Jimmy: [it is christmas eve it's plausible that at least some of these pubs would be packed] Janis: [it is a ting, and esp. in Ireland not to be stereotypical but it's true] Jimmy: [I hope you're not getting flirted with by any old creepy dudes gal] Janis: [simply the worst, why must they, drunk dudes of any age, god, like you can handle yourself but we're still not thrilled about it obvs, also drunk ladies tbf Jimothy, like gobby shrieky mums put him down] Jimmy: [sends her a picture of him with an ugly coloured lipstick mark on his cheek like sos] Janis: where are you Jimmy: where are you? Janis: I was near the bar, now I'm stuck behind this group of #ladsladslads from the ⚽🏀🏑🎾 shop over the road Janis: who the fuck did that to you? Jimmy: some Sharon, still waiting for my ⚽🏀🏑🎾🤴 Janis: what the fuck Janis: hang on Jimmy: look for a circle of middle aged lasses, that'll be me in the middle Janis: what are they using you like a handbag/pole for Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: hormones? Janis: didn't think the #mommyissues went both way, dirty bitches 🤢 Jimmy: dead giveaway that you've never worked in retail Jimmy: shameless all these Sharons and Karens Janis: dead giveaway they're not having lesbian midlife crises thank fuck Jimmy: ain't 👀 you yet, Judith Janis: I'm working on it, promise Jimmy: give 'em the smack I ain't allowed to Janis: I'm gonna Janis: 🥊 for a 💋 Jimmy: alright, a 💋 off me for every 🥊 sounds fair an' all Janis: yeah? Jimmy: you'll have to keep count for us Janis: [come find your man and rescue him from these thirsty laydeez, we will fight you hens, but deffo giving the ugly lipstick one a slap] Jimmy: [😍 that aren't a pisstake and obvs kissing her like he said he would] Janis: [we're actually so mad at these gals no lie, walk awayayay before it becomes too much of a thing, at least you can because that kiss would bring you back down slightly] Jimmy: [just asking her if there's any lads he needs to fight before they properly leave which you know is more cos he doesn't want anything bad to happen to her than anything else, we know the bae can handle herself] Janis: [shakes her head but this is 'cos she don't want to lose him again and we're just holding him like nope, stay with me] Jimmy: [a snuggle moment like I'm not going anywhere without you because it's not just because of being flirted with that we didn't like being away from her and we all know it] Janis: [just being couple goals showing these flirters right up, gently rubbing this lippy off him like no no] Jimmy: [putting the antlers on her like this is my bae thank you, everyone else back off, and for the shameless excuse to play with her hair always] Janis: [just pulling the nerdiest face 'not quite jail cell peril but-' like who's ride or die now, zoey doey] Jimmy: [a lol because that deer was honestly the most ride or die ever 'not yet' as if he's correcting her with a * and they're gonna be going full bonnie and clyde as the night goes on] Janis: [just pretending we're well offended like oi, how dare you but we're 😏 like oh really #intrigued too] Jimmy: [just writing a list of potential illegal acts on her with our fingertip as if it's a real list like remember these for later please] Janis: [trying to keep up but obviously not getting all that just like ???] Jimmy: [whisper them instead boy because we're still being couple goals here] Janis: [just add your own have a nice saucy back and forth here] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [I'm trying to think of a lowkey way to fuck with these women, like pouring a drink in their unattended handbags? gotta be sneaky guys] Jimmy: [ooh good idea, can't go too hard with it, it'd have to be something like that or like emptying it out and leaving their shit everywhere] Janis: [clearly gonna be too hype when you get to this one and you're not getting in] Jimmy: [not in the mood to be turned away, we're on a mission here] Janis: [raging in this car park like how dare] Jimmy: [🚬 because likewise and also 😳 like how dare you know I am but a child] Janis: [oh boy, just like 'you cold?' 'cos dem cheeks] Jimmy: [takes the antlers back like it's my reindeer vibe] Janis: [fixes her hair like UGH so rude 'probably why they turned us away'] Jimmy: [😒 af like don't blame me thank you] Janis: [nudging him with your foot like come on 'there's other pubs'] Jimmy: ['Direct me then' like let's go gal] Janis: [putting your hand out like stop for a sec though 'don't you wanna do something about it?' and not at all shamelessly going into his pocket whilst maintaining eye contact and getting out the marker and going over to a car and drawing a reindeer face on the windscreen 1. it'll come off easy so no harm truly done but 2. the pub peeps could clock it was them and know they've been got back, gesturing like come do some boy] Jimmy: [he's gonna draw a ghost with a santa hat because don't need any encouragement] Janis: [just do all the cars in this car park without getting caught, obvs gonna finish with a JJ heart 'cos duh] Jimmy: [just doing a little hand squeeze like thanks for that when you take the pen back to put it away because you feel better now] Janis: [shrugs like nbd but doing a little smile 'you wanna appease the fans whilst we're here too?'] Jimmy: [a nod like it's likewise nbd but the eye contact is not at all casual] Janis: [likewise getting on the bonnet of the JJ heart car like that's nothing and just looking at him like, you know what to do, #goals photo moment] Jimmy: [taking loads of pictures of her looking hot af before joining her to go in on any lovebites he thinks needs to look more extra for midnight mass #flimsyexcusesforever] Janis: [don't go in too hard and set the alarm off by which I mean do 'cos it's funny and also a cockblock to run] Jimmy: [interrupt this dry humping sesh before you get even more frustrated than you already are by this outfit] Janis: [mistakes were made lmao] Jimmy: [you'll both live] Janis: [you can hook up in #4 if I've kept count right lol] Jimmy: [soz not soz to that pub for how loud he's gonna be] Janis: [I hope you're not a tiny establishment 'cos lol even on a busy night that'd be heard, oh guys] Jimmy: [if you weren't shameless Jimothy we'd have some real problems] Janis: [we all know you are but you gotta have your drinks as well can't keep getting kicked] Jimmy: [yeah maybe don't hook up til you're about to leave here guys LOL] Janis: [got to order before you use the facilities xoxo] Jimmy: [and you pair are exactly why] Janis: [mhmm honey, maybe there will be a Christmas quiz or tombola or something at one of these pubs you can crash] Jimmy: [so festive but also believably shit, love that] Janis: [win some kind of prize ty ty] Jimmy: [you gotta and you're not having it shit nan cos we're not pleased to meet you hun] Janis: [even though it's probably something a nan would want 'cos isn't it always god bless] Jimmy: [give it to Tess cos she's not that kind of nan so that'll be funny] Janis: [not that you have to endure mass thank god] Jimmy: [challenge of keeping hold of whatever this is for the rest of the night and not losing it] Janis: [truly, probably some kind of bath set or shit biscuit tin] Jimmy: [don't eat the biscuits Jimmy you fat bastard] Janis: [gives you a half-eaten tin of biscuits, Tess fuming] Jimmy: [it's the thought that counts, nan] Janis: [such a 😎 boy lollllllll] Janis: [do you want to skip to having to go to mass?] Jimmy: [we totally can because we've thought of a lot of shit for this pub crawl honestly] Janis: [we have, very much a vibe was had, now you've got to show up to this church and we're just dreading this entire thing, it'll probably be a fair walk and we're just silent] Jimmy: [handholding cos we know she's dreading it and we're a team here] Janis: [god knows Junie isn't gonna be there 'cos the Venus sitch was this year so it's just ruster fam and you and grace so fun] Jimmy: [ugh what an anti-mood this will be, so glad you've had loads of drinks to help you through it guys] Janis: [billie simply not invited even though drew and meena would have to be there #rude oh what a mess, good thing we're dedicated to making a scene] Jimmy: [not that she would go but that's very rude, though it is a relief for us that paralysed sister secret isn't being outed as well since Libi already spilt the Edie tea] Janis: [drew might actually be in prison, but astrid and ro can come through, a joy, I'm sure lmao, we don't wanna get into ANY of this, god shit nan is gonna be so embarrassing over Jimmy 'cos she's a hoe for a boy, any boy lmao] Jimmy: [another reason for shit nan to shade Grace because she's never brought a boy to mass as if Janis isn't there deliberately doing everything wrong, okay bitch] Janis: [literally like where's ya boyfriend, shh shit nan so rude, it's okay she'd shade Meena for not forcing the kids and Tommy to come, as if these kids were raised remotely Christian] Jimmy: [they are hindus babe get on board, shading everyone's outfits as well obvs regardless of how inoffensive they are] Janis: [wearing the biggest most extra hat in the world like pop off, she's like a cartoon she's so ridiculous, probably gonna cry dramatically over her sons not being here for Christmas what a performance] Jimmy: [seriously it's as funny as it is awful] Janis: [we wouldn't blame you for being amused Jimothy, like we would be but not like we're on your side shit nan just like wtf woman] Jimmy: [he'll be too busy trying not to die because of the incense getting him but I'm sure we'll find parts of it amusing to look back on] Janis: [it's apparently gross I've never been to a Catholic ting so can't fully say but I know they waft it about in that swingy thing, you also bless yourself with holy water when you come in the door so there's that] Jimmy: [he will flick holy water at you bae] Janis: [pretending we're melting because we don't care #churchbants] Jimmy: [now is the perfect time for one of your dramatic death scenes, boy, everyone's just horrified] Janis: [just so 😍 as we pick him up off the floor lmao, tryna make sure he's sat nowhere near Rio, even though she's probably trying to be polite and introduce herself and the gang we're like good day] Jimmy: [sit next to Grace jimothy, she won't talk to you excessively and you already know she's embarrassing] Janis: [shit nan gon' be too busy being a busybody so that's something] Jimmy: [will put his head on the bae's shoulder like we do whenever we're bored by a flatwhite function before church has even started as much for the shade as a variation on the feelsy lean like I'm here for you gal] Janis: [at least you can text under your pamphlets 'cos rude and is the goal, as well as the rest, but leaning into this lean too and writing 'soz' on his arm] Jimmy: [and you have signing for shading people now and later because none of y'all would know any, putting a line through where she wrote her sorry like no you don't need to be] Janis: [a look like, it ain't over yet] Jimmy: [a look like I can handle it] Janis: [😏 like challenge accepted] Jimmy: [is sneezing already though probably how adorable] Jimmy: 😈 coming out Jimmy: bit awkward Janis: [loling] Janis: it's grim, ain't it Janis: jesus was a stoner, who knew Jimmy: worse even than ☕ Jimmy: 🤞 jesus won't @ my manager Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna wipe his nose on her jacket cos I vaguely remember a furry one with her lewk] Janis: you don't need MORE competition, like Janis: [yeah, it's probably graces so you can be offended gal like 'scuse me] Jimmy: imagine the tips that dickhead would get Jimmy: SO on brand for them, him Janis: gonna put a help wanted ad in the collection plate for him Jimmy: don't how famous your dad is mate, fill in an application like every fucker else, tah Janis: that's his whole thing, sickening, tbh Jimmy: and OBVS every time he name drops it'll make the lasses frothier than their ☕ but still Jimmy: what's your CV without the miracles? Janis: you should be happy, not jealous Jimmy: can't be a slag for tips if nobody's bothered Jimmy: is he gonna feed me 🥖 and 🐟 or what? Janis: have to come back to find that out Janis: (spoiler alert, yeah, some 🍷 too) Janis: just covering his miraculous birth tonight, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [is gonna carve the JJ love heart into this pew, look away shit nan your heart won't take it] Janis: [we're about it though obvs] Jimmy: You going home after this? Janis: where else? Jimmy: where else do you want to? Jimmy: already nicked one car, can make it 2, easy Janis: oh right Janis: we have to get you home Janis: [mad on the low like this part of the plan escaped us how] Jimmy: can't 📞 Ian for a lift, might do though so he realises his car's gone Jimmy: but you're alright, I'll chuck doll jesus out of his straw bed Janis: we'll work it out Janis: not that an actual lift from any of this lot sounds like a right laugh but Janis: [shrugs like they obvs would] Jimmy: I'll just shout about that I need somewhere to😴 some dickhead'll put me up in a barn Jimmy: nowt more festive than that Janis: if only you were a knocked up teen Jimmy: 💔 fucked over by being a straight white lad YET AGAIN Janis: tell my nan about it and she'd adopt you Janis: it's not that far to yours Janis: got vehicles you wouldn't have to steal, technically Jimmy: not having her round the other 2 unless healing hands actually work Jimmy: happily have her car though Janis: [looks around at the fam like does it look like it works] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [we loling not soz to the hot priest] Janis: [shushing him in an even more obvious way as is the point like omg babe] Jimmy: [being like soz and making it even more of a thing as is also the point] Janis: [shit nan already in a mood 'cos there's 2 small children here and we know what that's like whenever you're meant to be quiet, at least she can pretend that's cute] Janis: tomorrow is gonna be so shit Jimmy: yeah Janis: least you can actually join in with the shit Bobby wanted Janis: that'll be alright Jimmy: he'll wanna compare 🎁 with his new best mate, get her 📞 Janis: baby 💔 Janis: you can let him Janis: she'll be gutted about the lack of attention she's getting as it's princesses' first xmas Janis: [side eyes baby venus] Jimmy: what are you and her doing the day after? Jimmy: might be a good shout to get them together Janis: I'll ask but it's usually more of the same, so fuck all Janis: with leftovers Jimmy: sounds about right Janis: they'd love it Jimmy: 💔 there weren't any reindeer in your fields I could nick an' all Jimmy: he's obsessed now Janis: soz about that Janis: we've got some donkeys but that's not very 💖 Janis: if they'd have spiced up the nativity he might be bothered but as it stands Jimmy: I'll do one out of snow when I get back Janis: alright, michaelangelo Jimmy: [nods at the heart he's carved into this pew like you weren't taking the piss then] Janis: you're my favourite artist Janis: SUCH a compliment Jimmy: [giving her OTT 😍 to hide that we're embarrassed by said compliment] Jimmy: all down to the muse, that Janis: I probably will be taking the blame for that so why not the glory too Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you can come back with me for a bit Janis: for drinks and shit Janis: sadly, shit nan does not attend 💔 Janis: but there'll be loads of other fuckers, if you wanna Jimmy: alright Janis: you don't have to Janis: she'll make sure EVERYONE knows Jimmy: I said alright Janis: ALRIGHT Jimmy: [IRL 🤫 without making the shh sound] Janis: [mouthing 'make me' in a way definitely a few people are gonna clock] Jimmy: [A LOOK like I'd rather make you do the opposite] Janis: [you know what hit me like kinda obvious but also hasn't been stated so] Janis: [shit nan is probably HERE for this, aside from when they're pissing about rn, she'd be like oh you dressed like a girl for once and brought a boy you aren't related to, like accidental fail 'cos shit nan has weird priorities l o l] Jimmy: [OG supporter and spreader of those gay rumours like not another one on my watch honey] Janis: [just banging on about how they never bring boys around like yeah this is why but also mind yo business, she's so extra, and she'd just think jimothy was shy and be like aww] Jimmy: [when you antisocial but people think you shy, their future daughter can relate] Janis: [mhmm] Janis: is the incense making you feel 😵? Jimmy: If I say it is can we piss off? Jimmy: [because yes but we don't wanna admit it because we're so tough okay] Janis: is what I was getting at Janis: ['cos we're done with this and leaving early is the only sure-fire way to annoy shit nan at this point plus what a LOOK, so grabbing his hand like he's about to vom like 'SCUSE US WE GOTTA GO RN] Jimmy: hang on then, I'll have another crack at it Jimmy: *SO 😵😵😵 me Jimmy: have a word Jimmy: [and we're out of here, bye but we're not actually saying bye fam] Janis: [actually making him get some fresh air before we start smoking or anything of the sort] Jimmy: [allowing it because it did actually get him] Janis: [cold air sobering in all the ways it's needed right now] Jimmy: [mhmm] Jimmy: [asking her if she's okay by writing it on her with a ? when we could just ask because we're outside now] Janis: [shrugs 'used to it' we talking 'bout the smoke or everything else hen] Jimmy: [offering her a 🚬 or the pen or keys like choose your weapon for killing yourself with] Janis: ['too obvious if her car gets keyed' and takes a 🚬 but makes a big deal out of getting far away from him like you're so sensitive] Jimmy: [throws some snow at her like if you're gonna be rude so will I] Janis: [tipsy snowball fight realness] Jimmy: [gonna do snow angels because where better than outside church RIP to Grace's jacket if she joins in lol] Janis: [obviously we are, excuse us] Jimmy: [get art hoey and make them look like JJ boy] Janis: [that's a mood] Jimmy: [lots of hair for her and sunglasses and grumpy face for you, we know the vibe] Janis: ['thanks, by the way'] Jimmy: [a shrug like don't worry about it] Janis: [having to look at him to look like, seriously, I know they're all extra and that was a lot] Jimmy: [when you were gonna touch her face/move her hair out of it in a romantic way like seriously it's okay but your hands are freezing from doing the snow angel details so it's like ! oh no soz] Janis: [move them down so they're around your waist under this furry coat like warm them up boy but usually that'd be skin to skin contact so you're gutted 'stupid, fucking jumpsuit'] Jimmy: [holding on tight anyway and pulling her closer to you because always but eventually letting go for long enough to put your lighter in her hand  'for in a bit' like you can set this on fire later babe that'll cheer you] Janis: [just looking at it like it's a ring in a box 'this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me' love joking but double meaning means lowkey not really] Jimmy: [looking at it and getting the key out like can I engrave something onto this would it work because we can always be more romantic] Janis: [I'm dying 'cos the actual gift she got you for xmas is literally very related to this so that's swagger] Jimmy: [cackling that we both had the Shakespearian rose idea and also because my idea for what he gives her that I obvs can't do because I'd never find anything like it is a swag copy of romeo and juliet you know when they have nice covers and he's like doodled inside and crossed lines out to rewrite them and like written a sonnet etc and then like at some bit of the play they don't fuck with probably the beginning when Romeo is a hoe like carving a space out which she could fit said lighter in but obvs he didn't have that specifically in mind he was just like lol a secret hiding place cos remember how easy they found Ella's diary] Janis: [I'm dying that's such a mood, like okay, pretending we aren't even friends or something LOL] Jimmy: [gonna say that there is also some Bobby doodles in there too because yolo we a squad now and if he'd had chance to get Libi to add to it he would've but sadly there was no way] Janis: [simply dying, if only you could spend tomorrow with each other alas gotta entertain the fam literally this one day a year] Jimmy: [I'm so happy you're gonna see each other though even though you don't know yet] Janis: [like the lowkey shock you're gonna have to hide rn so you don't spoil the surprise for him tomorrow, ugh, your minds, our minds] Jimmy: [at least he'd be concentrating on carving this rose with a literal key trying to make sure it doesn't look like a blob so that'll help you gal] Janis: [oscar-worthy performance lol] Jimmy: [and you can just kiss him if all else fails] Janis: [also I think this midnight mass should've been 11-12 so when they hear the finale going on inside they know it's xmas, v cinematic] Jimmy: [yasss I support that, obvs say merry christmas to her boy even though you're forlorn at the prospect of and dreading it] Janis: [practically loling at the prospect 'cos likewise but kissing him back] Jimmy: [have your moment kids before everyone comes out of this church] Janis: [clearly wanna fuck off before any of the fam can see you like byeee] Jimmy: [escape lads] Janis: [or lifts will be offered and lord knows you don't want that, you wanna be alone and cute] Jimmy: [we all know you should go home now and get some sleep before Bobby wakes up ridiculously early but we all know you won't and the reasons why] Janis: [at least it's a very ali/fam in general vibe that there's drinks and party food going on so you can and it doesn't look like what it clearly is] Jimmy: [enjoy your walk back there alone before you have to deal with peeps again] Janis: [at least it doesn't need to be literally everyone, and a fair amount of you have kids you'd need to be home for, too bad Libi is probably asleep even if she tried really hard lol] Jimmy: [she could wake up when she hears everyone if we want that lil mvp in our lives] Janis: [just peeping down the stairs tryna be sneaky then she sees Jimmy and is like MY BFFS ARE HERE 'cos thinks they come as a duo at all times obvs] Jimmy: [she's not wrong about it and he will pick you up and spin you round lil queen cos we stan] Janis: [we love that, directing him to the tree like BUT 👏 HAS 👏 HE 👏 BEEN 👏 and deffo not babe the adults are still getting pissed but god bless you] Jimmy: [but jj should give her something they've picked up over the course of this wild night like there you go bab] Janis: [we're thrilled, also like is your dog asleep, my dog's asleep 'cos Killer cannot come to this cat castle sadly but she's got Star under her arm like hey] Jimmy: [telling her that Twix, Bobby and Snow are all asleep but also telling her she can record a voice memo for them if she wants so they'll get in when they wake up] Janis: [probably screaming MERRY CHRISTMAS such is our excitement then being like I hope you got xyz from his list that she's managed to remember well done bab then being like I'm up SOOOO late little brag like imma catch Santa and see if this one knows signing and has a real beard] Jimmy: [Jimothy is gonna teach you some more signing bab cos lbr the only other person he wants to talk to here is Janis so we're chuffed you're here] Janis: [at least mcvickers are not so strict they're gonna march you back to bed right away, you may as well stay up a bit now you are so you don't wake everyone at the crack of dawn like I did lol] Jimmy: [and like Bobby will do, there's gonna be no point Jimothy going to bed lol] Janis: [honestly, all nighter it is, at least once the meal is over and the drama you can be back together huns don't worry, also lol @ mcvickers being like oh you again 'cos when Libi ran in lmao] Jimmy: [Tess has her eye on you boy but she'd be secretly thrilled to see how good you are with Libi, not in a cringey shit nan way but just] Janis: [you're clearly not a total fuckboy of a teenage lad, we can be lowkey happy about that always lol, meanwhile just securing the good scran for us right now whilst Libi probably talks Jimmy through every dec and they're probably mostly homemade by the kids so like enjoy that] Jimmy: [Poor Grace is probably crying and angsting in her room about whatever shit nan said and did to her so there'll be enough food for you boy] Janis: [honestly poor Grace like we just made it worse for you accidentally, shit nan stirring the pot always] Jimmy: [I like to think Ali is coming through for you because she knows exactly what shit nan is like] Janis: [we aren't the type to be too busy hosting or whatever to not notice when our kids are upset, thankfully] Jimmy: [she's a good mum and like Tess and Janis she always notices things so] Jimmy: [the question we need to ask ourselves is about Billie's whereabouts because if she's there then obvs Jimothy isn't gonna be like gimme the tea but like he will know now] Janis: [she's gonna be about 18 so yes, she's almost definitely there, even if she was out earlier it's like late enough that she'd be back] Jimmy: [literally rolling up with whatever mates she was out with like LOL how was church everyone because we all hate shit nan in this house] Janis: [Janis really going in on how shit she was to everyone and doing an impression which we're clearly just great at tbh, also overplay how scared poor hot priest is] Jimmy: [she'd love it and you know she'd be commenting on Janis' outfit being like bet she was so down for you being dressed like that because she's been shaded herself for being dressed like a boy clearly] Janis: ['surprised she didn't have it off me to borrow' like who does shit nan think she is honestly, kind of iconic but not, also shading Ro 'cos we all love to do that in this household too, especially after the Rio ting even Ali ain't gonna stop you] Jimmy: [Billie do HATE Ro because she loves Astrid and we know she's not doing the best for that bub so obvs asking how she was because bringing her to church when she's autistic af and you can't deal with her anywhere is never gonna be the one tbh] Janis: ['lucky she had her wrapped up tight enough she could hide in her scarf' 'cos the smells, the sounds, the sights, TOO MUCH 'she liked the nativity scene though' hot priest being cool and letting her play in it 'cos lord knows Ro doesn't have the strength to control her literal it's so dangerous] Jimmy: [Billie do be fuming because you know full well that Ro wouldn't let her look after her as if she's incapable when POT KETTLE] Janis: [mhmm, rosaline, get in your own wheelchair you're at death's door you cow, just shrugging like I know and telling her about Meena 'cos always coming for her life as well shit nan like 'you could've at least brought Thomas and his REAL children' like you'll leave the adopted ones at home OKAY HUN] Jimmy: [Billie LIVID because she's not Ali's REAL child but she is though, fuck you shit nan, thank god Jimmy is busy with Libi cos he don't need all this tea in his life yet] Janis: [also the hypocrisy 'cos Drew and Meena aren't your real children either but are when it suits you silly woman, honestly, lowkey then just hoping Billie will get distracted and not wanna be introduced to him lmao, like who's dis, idk, bring him his food and Libi the bits you've sneakily brought her 'cos you're meant to be ready for bed not nomming again] Jimmy: [luckily she'd be drunk-ish and have brought friends so easy to distract because we don't need to do that rn gal, so much has already happened this holiday season] Janis: [seems lowkey shady on both your behalfs like am I not good enough to be intro'd but we're not trying to be like and here's this person and that person and make it too #real] Jimmy: [this party has a chill vibe and she's a chill person she's not gonna pull a Rio and be like MUST INTRODUCE SELF we all know Janis has never brought a lad back before and we're not trying to embarrass her] Janis: [exactly, it's already happened once, almost as a point like YOU CANNOT IGNORE ME JANIS lmao, just telling Libi to go get the kennel they made Snow out of a cereal box or something to show Jimmy so she'll actually leave him be for a hot sec, squeezing his hand like alright?] Jimmy: [just smiling at her because actually has had a nice time with Libi even though it would have made him feel bad for not being at home with Bobby rn and leaving him earlier, like boy it's okay he's a sleep but he always feels guilty regardless] Janis: [#mumguilt because we're raising our brother, so rude, just smiling back like thank god this isn't going as bad 'wanna show off how crafty I am too, obvs' in reference to this kennel like such an #arthoe] Jimmy: [waves a picture of that sheep costume on his phone at her like girl I know] Janis: [😏 and stroking the lighter than is in our hand 'cos obvs taken the jacket off and there's no way there's pockets on that thing lol] Jimmy: [pulling her chair as close to his chair as he can because we just always wanna be closer to her all the time and something falling off her plate when he do so we're keeping that for Star to eat when Libi gets back as if she's a real dog] Janis: [😳 that we can pretend is just from coming inside to the warm] Jimmy: [also taking whatever fell off her plate and she lost off his so she can have it but why give it to her normally when you can feed it to her/put it in her mouth because you're that bitch] Janis: [just LOOKING at him like, there has not been enough alone time today remotely] Jimmy: [obvs LOOKING back but before he can suggest they go get her out of that outfit Libi is back so we gonna look at this kennel and feed Star and that whole thing] Janis: [gotta do some parenting, cockblocked, at least you'll be getting sleepy and made to go back to bed soon enough hun you ain't partying the whole night away] Jimmy: [they can be the ones to take her though cos then they'll be upstairs already and won't have far to go to her room to finally be alone for a bit] Janis: [and you are that bitch, like no no, I want THEM to do it #princesslife sure you have some story that you can be read either about Christmas or dogs] Jimmy: [if not they'll make one up for you, Jimothy is 10000% that bitch] Janis: [Star and Snow going on an epic adventure, love that for them] Jimmy: [I hope you remember it so you can tell it to Bobby tomorrow night or whenever] Janis: [do your best, drunk babes] Jimmy: [you're not totally wasted like you were when partying, you should remember most of this stuff] Jimmy: [especially the joy when that jumpsuit finally comes off for good] Janis: [yeah, no excuse of being blasted this time] Janis: [it's also glittery, so that's scratchy, simply not a vibe apart from the lewk of, you can break it if you want guys] Jimmy: [that's a saucy mood] Janis: [you have form and you're both frustrated af by now] Jimmy: [fun as hooking up in that pub toilet would have been, that would feel like forever ago and it's not the same vibe as when you can take your time and be as extra as you want] Janis: [should also note hi to her house and bedroom this convo, not that we're taking it in but just for reference later] Jimmy: [yeah he's very preoccupied rn and there has been a lot of peeps and stuff going on but you can't not notice Ali's vibe and all the cats and the contrast between that and her bare as hell room will be jarring when you realise] Janis: [pretend we do not see, more important things to do rn lads] Jimmy: [we're very in love tonight and it cannot be overstated how much of a cockblock that outfit was when the bae always be giving you so much skin to work with usually] Janis: [not your usual at all, we're all mad about it and making up for it now, excuse us] Jimmy: [enjoy that lads, we know you will] Janis: [soz to the people upstairs, aka Grace, put your headphones in gal] Jimmy: [hopefully Ali has gone so we can say she has] Janis: [or she will if you two start, don't need that in any of our lives lol] Jimmy: [Grace is having a shit enough night without hearing you two] Janis: [when you know he lowkey has to leave now and you don't want him to] Jimmy: [and he knows and doesn't wanna leave either so it's like let's just keep kissing forever and prolong this and pretend I don't] Janis: ['how hard do you think your dad is gonna flip shit?' when we're lowkey worried but doing the most to sound like we ain't and we're just curious here] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we know exactly but we're not gonna answer honestly and the point is it's supposed to be nbd and we don't care but also then doing a 🤞 and an impression of Bobby's impression of angry Ian because Ian flipping out is what we wanted and we obvs hope it's enough for us to go back up north] Janis: ['his was better' and patting his shoulders like there there 'christmas miracle, I guess' and crosses her fingers back, getting up to find clothes to throw on] Jimmy: ['should've done the sound effects' cos obvs Bobby doesn't on his cos can't hear Ian shouting and is mute, chucking a pillow at her like oi cos we don't want her to get up because that means he has to leave soon and no] Janis: ['have to settle for second for now' and shrugs like oh well, and just looking back like 'scuse me when he throws the pillow] Jimmy: [just picking her up because he hasn't all night and chucking her back on this bed like 1. I won't accept second thank you and 2. come back] Janis: [just like oi and 😒 at him like what you want] Jimmy: [tucking her in like stay put gal] Janis: ['you've got to go' like he was the one getting ready] Jimmy: [dramatically flopping down next to her like I can't possibly I'm so comfortable] Janis: [pushing him like you're gonna pushing him out the bed but obviously don't] Jimmy: [push her back but again not hard] Janis: ['how are you getting back?' and folding our arms] Jimmy: [a very helpful shrug] Janis: ['what's wrong?'] Jimmy: [when you're about to say nothing but that's such a lie that it feels pointless so you're just there like 👀 and then 'you said it' because she did when she said he had to go that's the entire issue here] Janis: [just silent for a while 'cos what can either of you do about that 'yeah'] Jimmy: [just getting ready to go because what else can you do boy] Janis: [getting up and stopping him like ! 'don't go' even though you know he's got to right now 'cos you're thinking about if the plan works and they go back to Manchester] Jimmy: [hugging her because you don't want to go and saying as much even though it's muffled and also obvious lol] Janis: ['it'll be more shit again when you do' from inside this hug] Jimmy: [hugging her tighter because true for you too] Janis: [breaking it apart like that's enough now] Jimmy: [dramatically kiss her before getting ready to go for a second time] Janis: [do you want him to walk/or does he want a lift? 'cos obvs she wouldn't make him go with whoever alone so that adds another bit if so] Jimmy: [he'll probably just walk even though it'll take ages because we're in no rush to get back] Jimmy: [unless she's like no get a lift you idiot and then he will because we're a pushover for the bae] Janis: [we'd know that's the vibe and thus wouldn't argue, like we might wanna go with but what is the point 'cos then he'll wanna walk you back and it'll be a farce lmao] Jimmy: [you can chat to him to make sure he's still alive if you want gal but you can't come with or you'll end up staying and the fam will be fuming] Janis: [*angrily comes to pick you up* got to be folorn and separate soz guys it won't be for long] Janis: don't turn into a ⛄ Jimmy: use your head, girl, it'd save me building our kid's reindeer Janis: could Jack Frost your dad Janis: he melts away at the end, yeah? Jimmy: I dunno that one Janis: I think it's depressing so won't recc it for your Christmas day watch Jimmy: sounds like a top pick for us, that Janis: play with your dead dad for the winter then take him up a mountain when he starts to melt, still melts though Jimmy: I googled it, he's what they invented my 😎 emoji for Jimmy: rock star dickhead Janis: and he was batman Janis: you're so outshined Jimmy: 😭💔🎻 Jimmy: piss off and fake marry him if you love him that bad, Jasmine Janis: question, if the harmonica was magic, could he see him every winter from then on Janis: and how many winters before the kid is like, let's just skip that whole charade this year Jimmy: depends how many bollocks sequels they were reckoning on doing when they wrote that bit Jimmy: how old were the kid? by the time he's 12 he'll be telling batdad to piss off Janis: I swear he was already that old Janis: one time deal and we accidentally break that harmonica Jimmy: gutted it ain't that easy to be rid of Ian Jimmy: but promise I'll melt when you're #overthis Jimmy: no need for a fake break up Janis: yeah right Janis: you're no Jack Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: 😭💔🎻 is mutual Jimmy: will be when this is the last you see of me Janis: shut up Jimmy: if that's what you want your last words to me to be Janis: if you were freezing to death/getting murdered/a combo of the two, you wouldn't have the time to be pissing about in the 💬 Jimmy: always have the time for you, baby Jimmy: fine with them being my last words Janis: an empty promise? Jimmy: there's nowt empty about it Janis: it's empty if you're fucking off and dying Janis: the ⏲ running Jimmy: what 'cause 💀💀💀 is gonna separate us? Bill won't be having that Jimmy: 👻💕 Janis: he does write it Jimmy: and his writing were heavily ❌ which you know he's FUMING ABOUT Janis: heavily plagiarized, so I've heard Jimmy: 🤫 he'll haunt you Janis: that's what he wants Jimmy: he might do but you don't need to be nicking my mates Janis: you've got a new one Jimmy: ? Janis: your barista buddy Janis: with the 🎄 foliage Jimmy: piss off, he's not my mate Janis: alright Janis: boyfriend Jimmy: if I had him, I wouldn't need to fake date you Janis: 1. rude 2. we're all gutted he's taken don't take it out on me Jimmy: I don't fuck my co-workers, his missus or how 💔 any dickhead is don't come into it Janis: alright Janis: obviously a pisstake but well impressive how noble you are Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for being a 🏆 cautionary tale Jimmy: if nowt else he's useless for what not to bother doing Jimmy: *useful [watch me write the literal opposite word to what I meant because I'm tired and you usually are useless sir] Janis: I don't think he'd mind a cheeky bum squeeze Jimmy: depends who off of Janis: not your dad, obvs Jimmy: 🤢 obvs dickhead Jimmy: your 🧠 is only on the 1 track at the minute Janis: I'm trying to keep you company dickhead Janis: you wanna talk about how cold and dark it is? Jimmy: why are them your options? Janis: I'm just talking Janis: why do you wanna talk about something specific or? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: what do you mean, it's simple Janis: you've either got something in mind or you ain't Jimmy: what's simpler than saying something if there were owt on my 🧠 Janis: you're known for that Jimmy: and you're known for being funny Janis: if 'piss off' is on your mind, hurry up and get it off the tip of your tongue Jimmy: What so you can put some more words there? You're alright Janis: I haven't said you said shit Jimmy: not THAT thick and you ain't that subtle Janis: ? Jimmy: just call me a mardy prick or owt else you reckon Jimmy: that's where this is going Janis: you're being weird, that's where this is Jimmy: it weren't me who brought up the mates or boyfriends I should have Janis: it was a joke, not going to say that again Janis: and I'm surrounded by both, aren't I? Janis: gonna open myself up for that easy shot Jimmy: no need to beg me to repeat how funny it were Jimmy: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Janis: forget it Janis: just tell me when you've got home Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [literally a hot second later because Jimothy don't wanna leave it like this ever] Jimmy: fuck this, no Jimmy: I don't wanna just tell you when I'm back Janis: stop being a total arsehole then Janis: I know you don't wanna go home right now Jimmy: I'll leave it out Jimmy: it's just Jimmy: weird Janis: why? Jimmy: What do you mean why? You properly turned christmas eve round Jimmy: I'm used to it being shit but not this Jimmy: and it's doing my head in that I can't see you tomorrow Janis: we could Janis: still allowed 🚬 breaks, right? Janis: once the main events 🎁🦃 are out the way Jimmy: bit far to come to nick all my 🚬 Janis: someone has to walk Killer Jimmy: alright Janis: if you want Jimmy: I said Jimmy: it's if you want Janis: I suggested it Jimmy: there you go then Janis: you're so awkward Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you just are Jimmy: if you ain't got any #receipts hun, don't come for me Janis: 😂 Janis: eurgh Jimmy: 💅🤷 Janis: wonder how their xmas eve went Jimmy: 💀👑 probably started opening her 🎁s at midnight Jimmy: still cracking on Jimmy: 💎💰🐴💄👜👠💰👗💎 Janis: I'm SO jealous Jimmy: me an' all, obvs Jimmy: but she can keep the new 🐩 Janis: Christ Janis: I swear to GOD if my sister has got that baby a fucking puppy Jimmy: 💭 of the 🐕🏃💰 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 trainer, you Janis: I wouldn't if they paid double Jimmy: we'll @ Mia's daddy to negotiate the rates Janis: hot Janis: can't wait Jimmy: the ONLY christmas gift worth having, I get it Janis: Obviously Janis: the 💔 would finally off her Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: you can hit him up Janis: not calling dibs Jimmy: He's SO fit and mysterious I dunno which of us is more his type 🤔❗❓ Janis: you're thicker Janis: could be his secretary Jimmy: hang on, are you calling me fat or Asia? Janis: Honey, you're both 😘 Jimmy: 😍 Jimmy: I'm tiktok Tammy Janis: You really are Janis: I know who I am, we don't need to say Jimmy: SO complimentary after midnight, you Janis: wow, Gremlin is a new low Janis: you're as rude as ever Jimmy: come on, you can be the cute ginger one Janis: you're the fattest one Jimmy: least you didn't say I were the dickhead lad Janis: not actually seen 'em, tbh Janis: if the shoe fits Jimmy: I'll suggest it for our sleepover with 💀👑 and her gremlins Janis: such a shame we never got that Jimmy: I'll make it happen for you, my dear Janis: gotta desecrate all her beds or what's the point Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: 💪🏆 Janis: how long can I get away with lying in tomorrow do you reckon Jimmy: @ Libi with them Q&As Janis: 😩😩 Jimmy: baby Jimmy: [🥺 selfie] Janis: it's rude that you're so fit even in flash lighting Janis: dickhead Jimmy: you could let me have it Jimmy: how fit you are Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: I don't wanna miss you Jimmy: don't, I'm here 👋💕 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I meant what I said Jimmy: tonight were good Jimmy: I don't want it to be done for ages Janis: alright Jimmy: [sends her a 👍 pic like a nerd] Janis: we'll do something 🥊 day Janis: even if my nan says no to Libi coming, yeah Jimmy: she'll be 💔 but yeah Janis: yeah, 🤞 Jimmy: if Libi knew she'd have a word with 🎅 probably 🥊 him Janis: see if I can convince Buster to put on the beard and let her go for it Jimmy: get your shit nan to grow hers out Janis: 😶 Janis: and you were SUCH a nice boy Jimmy: should've said you wanted me to 🥊 her Jimmy: did owe you after that Sharon 💋 Janis: there'll be other chances Janis: not the only one who attracts people having mid-life crises Jimmy: we have SO MUCH in common Jimmy: I'll 🥊 Lucas for you whenever Janis: 🥰🥰🥰 Jimmy: his is an end of life crisis but Janis: 🔪🔪🔪? Janis: 😳 Jimmy: I were on about him being 👴 Jimmy: but obvs I'll stab him if you want Janis: we can do it together Janis: bit more macbeth but Bill should still be alright with it Jimmy: #datenight Jimmy: that'll be SO romantic Janis: 💋🩸 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: how cold are your fingers? Jimmy: as a come on goes Jimmy: well creative Janis: it would be if you weren't (hopefully) nearly home Jimmy: I ain't the athlete you are, Jenna Janis: Oh, babes Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: gonna have to train you too? Janis: what a #humblebrag Jimmy: depends what treats you've got Janis: what was it Janis: pies, pints and ...? Jimmy: 🥔 DUH Jimmy: but I'll have 🚬 off you an' all once I get another lighter Janis: well that explains it Janis: sensitive subject Jimmy: said you'd be calling me a mardy prick Janis: I was talking about the famine Janis: you've got a lot to learn, boy Jimmy: go on then 🤓 Janis: you want a history lesson, you're the 🤓 Jimmy: if you ain't up to teaching me something, I'll take it back Janis: psh Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: so go on Janis: [a rundown I ain't gonna give lmao] Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: um, give me more 👏🌹 dickhead Janis: that was EFFORT Jimmy: *🥇 Jimmy: alright? Janis: it'll do Jimmy: what more do you want? Janis: I said it'd do Janis: 😇 Jimmy: but Jimmy: effort for effort, like Janis: You need to get some sleep Janis: we can talk about effort tomorrow Jimmy: I've got a snow reindeer to build Janis: you're gonna be knackered Jimmy: used to that an' all 👴🎻 Janis: 🚬 break will make it better, promise Jimmy: I miss you Janis: you'll think of me when you make your Rudolph sculpture Jimmy: got any 💡🥇 for how to make his nose glow? Janis: 🤔 Janis: except for making him blush, not really Janis: can't use any 💡 or 🔥 Jimmy: reckon he's gonna be more of a challenge to get 😳 than you Janis: that's funny Janis: not how I 💭 it being Jimmy: bit weird that Jimmy: 'cause it's how it were Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Jimmy: 🙄 is what Janis: it's better than 😳 Jimmy: 😳 suits you Janis: maybe it suits you too Jimmy: does it? Janis: yeah Janis: a lot Jimmy: [a lil 😳 vid while he's doing this snow reindeer is he just cold, we all know the answer] Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: oh Jimmy: you gonna give me one back or what? Janis: a competition to see who can 😳 the most isn't one I wanted 🥇 for but Janis: [obvs does, obvs cute and dying] Jimmy: you can have it though Janis: rather you came back Janis: but I'll take it Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: should've let you stay longer Janis: SO hard being SUCH a good person Jimmy: all that dickhead 🎅's fault Jimmy: having a list Jimmy: SUCH a tory Janis: massive tory Janis: no prezzies for poor kids Janis: lump of coal to rub it in Jimmy: he's about as subtle as my dad, funny that Jimmy: ALMOST like they might be the same bloke Jimmy: with an identical fetish for the mines Janis: 😱🤢😵 Janis: keep that to yourself before you ruin anyone else's Christmas Janis: explains how he's always working Jimmy: !!!🤯 Jimmy: send tweet to everyone but our kid and Libi Janis: you're good with her Jimmy: ain't much of a job to piss about with her Jimmy: she's alright Janis: you should takeover Gracie's gig instead Janis: swapsies Jimmy: Ian should just pay me but won't hold my breath Jimmy: not with these lungs Janis: suppose he pays you with the roof over your head and that's the excuse for everything 🙄 Janis: know the sort Jimmy: can't forget hot water, food, clothes on my back, be a right pisstake Janis: of course Janis: where is his 🥇 Jimmy: he really did reckon he deserved one for the 🐕 Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 mate Janis: LOVE another mouth to begrudgingly feed Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: how old was your dad when he had you Jimmy: how old's he now? 105?? 🤔 Jimmy: hang on, nah, what's that saying? Only as old as the lass you smack on the arse Janis: 😏 past it then Janis: point remains anyway, people stay stupid Jimmy: northern and thick Jimmy: top combo that Janis: all people are the same Janis: collect a load of 👶👧👦🐶 you think you want 'cos it feels good at the time Jimmy: Dunno if it ever did for him, more in it for the 🎻💔😭 Janis: 💘 of the tragic backstory Jimmy: *life story Jimmy: that goes on and fucking on Janis: its called generational trauma Janis: you'd know if your ma was a wanna-be hippie Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: and my mum Janis: it's just a word to throw about Janis: if she knows how to heal it she's keeping that one to herself Jimmy: that'll work, they both love throwing words about Jimmy: don't matter if they know what they mean or not Janis: there you go Janis: @ each other Janis: spark that back up Jimmy: there's that 🎄 miracle my sister has her 🤞 for Jimmy: she'll be chuffed to bits Janis: 😬 Janis: shit Jimmy: been ages but if any dickhead can sort it 🎅 Janis: 🚗❓😡🛫🛬🏡🙏 Jimmy: sounds about right that Ian would 💭 my mum had popped back up just to nick his car Janis: I mean, fairplay if she did Janis: I just meant if your plan works though you'll be 🥇 brother x2 again Jimmy: dunno about that Janis: maybe for like, a day, anyway Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 Jimmy: be me Janis: awh Janis: cute Jimmy: soz I meant Jimmy: *🌧😒 Janis: easy mistake to make Janis: still cute Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: if I  keep 😳 all the snow'll melt Janis: 👋 shit dad Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 full orchestra Janis: so emotional Jimmy: 💰 on that soundtrack being top quality Jimmy: have a look Janis: there's 3 hanson songs Janis: none of which being mmbop Jimmy: what the fuck Janis: 1998 was a time, apparently Jimmy: 💔 I ain't a time travelling 👻 or ⛄ Janis: "It's possible for the Jim Henson folks and Industrial Light and Magic to put their heads together and come up with the most repulsive single creature in the history of special effects, and I am not forgetting the Chucky doll or the desert intestine from Star Wars." Janis: when your dad gets dragged Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I guess it's better than when they redid the whole Jack Frost vibe later and they made him look like one of your coworkers Jimmy: if he pops a CV in I'll be out the door Janis: yeah you will Janis: 💔 for the fans Jimmy: OI Jimmy: you're meant to reassure me, dickhead Janis: Babe Janis: you're the best barista they've ever had Janis: better? Jimmy: late than never Janis: Baby boy Jimmy: you weren't taking the piss when you had shit that were actually edible offered to you Jimmy: all the 🏆 for me then Janis: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: bollocks Janis: out of the fact girls lose their shit over you 'cos you can make a coffee, maybe Jimmy: 😎🚬 is more of a skill, we both get it Janis: I don't know if I'd say it's more impressive but more interesting, sure Jimmy: but if you want another go at ☕🎨 I'll ❌ this bit out Janis: if they paid me, happy to Jimmy: barely pay me, mate Jimmy: that'll be why I spend loads of my shifts 🗨 to you Janis: just so 🥱 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: 🥅 nice save Jimmy: ain't a 👏👏🌹 chaser like you, girl Jimmy: I could hack being a goalie for a bit Jimmy: just that good with my hands any road Janis: 😂 Janis: you 🤞 to prove it and I'll come see you some more Janis: teach me what you like Jimmy: be thicker than I look to refuse an offer like that Janis: right answer Jimmy: I can really see you tomorrow, yeah? Jimmy: that's not just Janis: yeah Janis: can't stop me going out for fresh air, like Jimmy: 🤞? Janis: Promise Janis: I don't give a fuck Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: that feels like the right answer to me Janis: I've got to see and pretend to listen to loads of people I don't wanna see Janis: only fair Jimmy: drive over if you want, there'll be somewhere else we can leave the 🚗 that'll still do his head in Janis: might take you up on that Jimmy: bring the dog like you said if you want an' all, that'll piss him off Janis: ha Janis: he'll proper think I've got no home to go to then Janis: 🥺🎻 Jimmy: DUH the obvs answer is you drive back home after, why didn't I think that though? Jimmy: don't need anywhere else to leave it Janis: it's okay Janis: you were so buzzing Janis: no 🩸 in your 🧠 Jimmy: just don't want you to leave Jimmy: near the same thing Janis: 😎 Jimmy: [sending her pics of this finished reindeer moment] Janis: that's not the abomination I reckoned it'd be Janis: he'll be well 😁 again Jimmy: how hard do you wanna backhand that compliment? Janis: who's good at making snowmen, never mind snowreindeer Janis: only that blindly 🙌👏🌹 of you for the fans Jimmy: me, dickhead Janis: not gonna say soz for my caution Jimmy: that snow angel ended up so much like you 💀👑 'll be doing shit to it as we 🗨 Janis: anything to cool her down Janis: 🥵 to 🥶 Jimmy: clinging to life to finally dead, it's alright, you can say it Janis: 💁 what happens happens, babe Janis: how are we to know/pray Jimmy: what I'm willing to make happen for you, I don't need jesus about for 👀🍿 unless he wants to help clean up or hide a bit of evidence, as a mate Janis: 1. that's actually hot so fuck you 2. you are practically saved now, you're welcome Jimmy: mixed messages there Jimmy: I get it, you need a minute with the visuals Janis: I said what I said Jimmy: 😏 Janis: go inside now? Janis: get warm Jimmy: 🛏 or 🚿? Janis: what was it you said about visuals Jimmy: take a minute with them Jimmy: to decide Janis: you're not gonna get enough anyway Janis: may as well 🚿 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: nothing else impacted my decision, at all Jimmy: dunno what would Janis: it's a mystery Jimmy: [do get in the shower with your waterproof phone of the future] Janis: [what a time to be alive] Jimmy: [honestly, what more could you need when you're young, in love and extra] Janis: I don't wanna go sleep Jimmy: why? Janis: 🎅🎁🎄 Janis: excitement is too real Jimmy: now the answer that ain't bollocks Janis: it's stupid Jimmy: I doubt that Janis: I just don't wanna stop chatting to you Jimmy: so stay with me Janis: okay Jimmy: it is Jimmy: you don't have to feel stupid Janis: 🤏 Jimmy: ❌ Janis: 🙊 Jimmy: that weren't an animal comparison I made Jimmy: bit dangerous Janis: go ahead and be racist if the mood takes Janis: I don't care and I TOTALLY WON'T use the receipts later when you piss me off Jimmy: not my dad, you're alright Janis: thank GOD you reminded me Jimmy: easy mistake, that Janis: hardly Janis: gonna ask your brother to do an impression of you next, nothing like it, guaranteed Jimmy: 😒 twinning's all it takes Jimmy: look enough like him, nowt I can do about it Janis: yeah Janis: I get it Jimmy: you don't look like Gracie Jimmy: she wishes Janis: plenty of other unfavourable options of people I do Jimmy: I ain't got that list Janis: my nan, mostly Janis: non shit Jimmy: fit nan and shit nan Jimmy: easy to remember Janis: shut up Jimmy: what? Janis: that's gross Jimmy: I'm not gonna ask her on a fake date Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: for my nan? Janis: yeah, not gonna pass it on over the turkey but tah Jimmy: she's fit 'cause she looks like you Jimmy: mysterious she can have Janis: 👌 quit whilst you're ahead Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: you're bad at cards, got it Jimmy: spread it about, we'll have some piss easy wins Janis: 😏 alright Janis: bit of an obvious trick but they are all exceptionally stupid so Jimmy: not the worst plan we've come up and had to pull off Janis: suppose not Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🔪🖐🩸 Jimmy: open a vein so I know it's real, babe Janis: go ahead and take your pick Jimmy: you're the 🧛 I don't play favourites Jimmy: they're all 🥇 Janis: arteries explode out and veins slowly bleed out, I think Janis: you've already made your intentions clear Jimmy: have I? Janis: slow and painful death Jimmy: for me, not you Janis: yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: considerate Jimmy: sound more shocked, dickhead Janis: maybe I told you what I wanted already Jimmy: and what, you're never gonna tell me again? Janis: depends Jimmy: on? Janis: if you wanna hear it Jimmy: why wouldn't I? Janis: you're saved Janis: don't wanna drag you down Jimmy: what if I want you to? Janis: careful what you wish for Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: If I'm wishing for it that means I want it Jimmy: I don't have wishes to waste on bollocks Janis: three's standard Janis: but won't do the whole, fucking you over 'cos you weren't specific enough/need to learn a valuable lesson bullshit Jimmy: leaves me one Janis: go on then Jimmy: tell me then Janis: I want slow and painful too Janis: I want you to kill me and drag me down Jimmy: I promise Janis: Good Jimmy: starting tomorrow, Jules Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: but it's today Jimmy: well past midnight by now Janis: okay Cinderella Janis: you didn't turn back into a pumpkin Jimmy: or melt under the 🚿 Janis: thank goodness Janis: don't want to have to keep a constant 👀 on you Jimmy: UGH fine, I won't give you the log ins for the stalker account Janis: and definitely DON'T video call me next time you need a 🚿 Janis: would just hate that Jimmy: fuming does suit you Janis: you are very frustrating Jimmy: without trying an' all Jimmy: 💭 if I were Janis: I can't bear to think about that Janis: to be honest Janis: I'll just Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: you can just Janis: can I Jimmy: yeah Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: *today Janis: right Janis: not gonna tell you I'm counting the minutes or anything but the fans would 💖 Jimmy: if I could count Janis: 🖕✌🤟 baby Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'll show you how to do it backwards and everything Janis: but I'll let you be working with less alcohol more sleep Janis: I'm nothing if not fair Jimmy: and just 🤏 rude Janis: you like it Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: just saying you do Jimmy: til I do, you can Jimmy: I'll need better working conditions to 🖋 the FULL list Janis: you'll have to at least tell me your conditions if you want them to be met Jimmy: you'll know when you've met them Janis: 😒 Jimmy: that won't be my face, for a start Janis: 🤞😁🤞 Janis: I remember Jimmy: bit far down the other end of the scale but alright Janis: 😊? Jimmy: have to get the red cheeks in, I 👀 you Janis: there's got to be something in it for me, like Janis: not a 😇 Jimmy: and you reckon that'll be all there is in it for you? Janis: they're your conditions Jimmy: but what kind of fake boyfriend would I be? Jimmy: not 🥇 Janis: assumed your ideal wouldn't have much fan pandering in it Jimmy: LOVE the fans, me Janis: my mistake Jimmy: another easy one, obvs Janis: it's the 😒 Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for his share of that blame Janis: didn't say I didn't like it Jimmy: you never said you did either Janis: yeah I have Janis: loads of times Jimmy: so say it again Janis: well fit and mysterious Janis: duh Jimmy: 😊 Janis: mm Janis: that's weird Jimmy: can't win with you Janis: I just Janis: what's that line Janis: like you, just as your are? Janis: go with that Jimmy: festive Jimmy: I bet his jumper were itchy Janis: just jealous of the rudolph one Jimmy: nowt else to be after from that posh lad Janis: his hair is nice Jimmy: I dunno I were looking further down Janis: 😂 Janis: his beautiful eyes, sure Jimmy: if you need to go have a bit of alone time with them visuals, crack on Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: if that's the technique you wanna use, nowt to do with me but Janis: shut up Janis: you wanna give me tips now Jimmy: I'd have to show you if I'm 🤐 Janis: you're always bragging about being good with your hands Jimmy: that'll be 'cause I am Janis: sure Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: if you're gonna slag me off in sign, way ahead of you Jimmy: depends on how shit of a review you give me for what I am gonna do Janis: seems unlikely Janis: track record, and how nice I am Jimmy: not doubting myself, Judith Jimmy: way ahead of you on how unlikely it is Janis: not sorry for wanting proof Jimmy: you won't be sorry when you get it Janis: come on Janis: stop teasing me Jimmy: I'll have a job to touch you from here Janis: 😣 Jimmy: I know Janis: 😠 on the scale, actually Jimmy: 😡 'cause it's festive and you reckon the colour suits me Janis: yes x2 Janis: on brand Jimmy: 💡🥇 hang on Jimmy: [a saucy lil video of how good he is with his hands on himself because the best we can do rn as far as proof goes] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: you're just going to do that Janis: and act like you haven't killed me Jimmy: I said I would Janis: you weren't messing about Jimmy: slow and painful as I could manage Janis: I can see that Janis: Jesus, boy Jimmy: can't have you calling me a tease Janis: challenge accepted, yeah? Jimmy: always Janis: 🥇 is right Jimmy: for you, yeah Janis: it is for me Jimmy: Where are you on the scale now? Janis: If I could tell you how 🤯 I am, it wouldn't convey it Janis: speechless or 🥴 Jimmy: not gonna be a prick and call it a 🎄 miracle Janis: if I show you back you can call it that Janis: nice list still possible Jimmy: dunno if you can keep saving me and say you wanna drag me down but alright Janis: I want dragging you down to be fun, on both accounts Janis: what fun's a shit Christmas with no presents? Jimmy: you've given me loads of 🎁s Janis: if you don't wanna see me Jimmy: I'd never say that Janis: so say you wanna Jimmy: [voice memo just because] Janis: [some risque photos but not doing a video because we don't trust and the issues there sorry] Jimmy: [that's so real] Jimmy: speechless is right Janis: I just wanna show you I miss you too Jimmy: you did Jimmy: we're on the same page, no pisstake for once Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: okay, some idea Janis: it's not 🥇 though Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I give the 🏆s out Janis: yours was better though Janis: but I'm not mad to take 🥈if it means I get to feel that Jimmy: you weren't expecting it, nowt else Janis: weren't expecting you is a good way to put it Jimmy: I get that Janis: I dunno Janis: I'm drunk and horny, that's all Jimmy: is it? Janis: I don't know Jimmy: alright Janis: 'tis the season Jimmy: 🥛🍪 Janis: he's been and gone, babe Janis: I checked Jimmy: he's in your 💘 forever, girl Janis: 2000 miles, yeah Jimmy: don't be get getting 🎄🎵 in my head Janis: I need to get you out of mine Jimmy: rude Janis: not like that Janis: it's your fault Jimmy: there's loads of room in your head for me Janis: ha ha Jimmy: let me stay Janis: how could I refuse Jimmy: Bill'd have suggestions Janis: he's not speaking to me right now Jimmy: it'd only be some bollocks with a fan Jimmy: like we don't have other ways to send secret 💌 Jimmy: what did you do to piss him off? Janis: like if I smack you 'round the head with it I might be a bit pissed off? 👍 Janis: his mind, honestly Janis: not being very 💘 right now Janis: letting you leave so easily, not very starcrossed of me Jimmy: I've got no complaints, he can leave his out Jimmy: before you start, I know that don't sound like me Jimmy: but if he's gonna be mardy, might as well break character and really do his head in Janis: he's got NOTES about the lack of ⛓⛓ Janis: but when I told him he was trying to compete with Dickens he went full 😒😒 instead of you 😱 Janis: meant to say FUCK OUR FAMILIES and be all about each other only, not, fair play, reckon you should go back before the kids wake up 🙄🤷 Jimmy: he can't say we didn't take that stage direction Jimmy: fuck Ian is written in every margin Janis: exactly Janis: he wants me to kick the 🐶 in the face or what? Jimmy: I think that were me Janis: doing the kicking or getting kicked Jimmy: obvs kicking the 🐕 Jimmy: but a 🥊 would be festive if you've got your 💘 set on it Janis: he's probably into some light ⚽🏀 torture Janis: I 👀 it in your future, Romeo Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: how far in the future have you had a look? Janis: 🔮 NYE Jimmy: night of my 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I get it Janis: Obvs I cannot IMAGINE life after that Jimmy: duh Jimmy: what kind of life would it be Janis: NOT the one Bill wrote, that's for sure Jimmy: he ain't thinking about how fit you'd look in all that black Jimmy: I'll have a word Janis: I've not got an ugly cry face either Janis: just put that out there Jimmy: it's all coming up 🌹s Jimmy: he'll get his head round the rewrite and be chuffed to bits Janis: 👎 Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanted slow and painful Janis: not to fake 😭 forever Jimmy: set the date then, baby Janis: have to see where you are after your dad finds out Janis: doubt you'll be going anywhere before NYE Jimmy: he'll have his own murder to do Jimmy: can't have Sharon pining forever AND have all the 💔😭🎻 for himself Janis: ooh fun Janis: odds on he'll strangle her though, predictable Jimmy: Dunno if he's got the stamina for it Jimmy: might have to just smack her with something Jimmy: gutted he don't have any 🏆 Janis: 😬 #cantrelate 💘🙌💪 Jimmy: can't escape the comparisons, me Jimmy: ⛏ or 🔦 from his mining days'll do 🤞 Janis: get caught for keeping the murder weapon Janis: just can't let go Janis: I like it for him Jimmy: coal dust at the scene of the crime and her last meal were 🥧🥔🍺 Janis: 😂 Janis: was nice of him to make sure she was fed Janis: blame, where??? Janis: 🥇 bloke Jimmy: she'll have made it for him but if she don't crack on to them leftovers how'll she have enough stamina herself to do the washing up Jimmy: he's learnt from past mistakes there Janis: don't smack her 'til the chores are done? Janis: keep that in mind Janis: thought it was his motivational tactic Jimmy: and get the next one to clean up the 🩸🦷 so you can't hang about smacking that Sharon's arse an' all Janis: got a system Janis: almost have to respect it Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: best 🎄🎁 going Janis: I'll pop out a box tomorrow if he likes Jimmy: you got one massive enough? Janis: oi Janis: fat shame me on christmas Jimmy: 🗨 about nowt but your head Jimmy: but 💭 about it, doing your 🦒 neck in would be AGONY Janis: OFFER 👏 ME 👏 A 👏 MASSAGE 👏 OMG Janis: -100 #goals points Jimmy: give me chance, dickhead Jimmy: you ain't even out the box yet Janis: not in it Janis: let me eat my dinner and unwrap my presents first Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: don't be taking #goals points off me Janis: well you'll have to think of your own idea now Janis: can't copy me Jimmy: easy Janis: we'll see Jimmy: making it sound like I ain't had loads of 💡🥇 already is a bit of a pisstake but alright Janis: not that easy Janis: I've already been well too nice to you Jimmy: ❌ out the bit where you're chatting bollocks and we're left with the right amount of nice Janis: 🎅 is the ONLY man who makes those kind of calls Janis: how dare you Jimmy: ain't stopping him 📞 in Janis: alright if you reckon he'll side with you Jimmy: I'll talk him round if he's pissing about on yours Janis: Good luck he doesn't do sign Janis: and I don't think he could understand your accent either Jimmy: better at not talking, me Janis: hoe Jimmy: #seducesanta probably already trending Janis: unoriginal but popular Janis: basically this plan in a nutshell Jimmy: I'm nowt if not on brand Jimmy: and #suckingoffsantaclaus is a bit Jimmy: it's just not mysterious enough Janis: SO weird no 😎 Jimmy: what else is he 📞 at this time of the morning for? Jimmy: bloody tease Janis: he's just finished work and he wants to debrief Janis: it's like you don't even care Janis: one-track mind 🙄 Jimmy: UGH fine #spooningsanta Janis: 🥉 you tried Jimmy: he'll rate it Jimmy: you're too jealous to give me any credit is all Janis: oh please Jimmy: stop begging, I can't cuddle you from there Jimmy: you'll have to get a lift with 🎅 Janis: 😑 twat Jimmy: soz I'm not a 🦧 Janis: that's my type now? Jimmy: I dunno what other animals have long arms Jimmy: you tell me Jimmy: 🐍 spooning just sounds like I'm gonna suffocate you Janis: 🐙 Janis: and 😍😍🤤 Jimmy: SHIT that'd have been a top one Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: 🏆 Janis: what do I win? Jimmy: I'm too fuming to 💭 Janis: rude Jimmy: blame that 🐙 dickhead Jimmy: making me look even thicker than my face does Janis: soz you can't compete with me or tentacles Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: who's 🦑 an' all? Janis: 😬 Janis: at least it's not 🦐 boy Janis: remember him Jimmy: how could I forget? Jimmy: what a #lad Janis: yeah Janis: no arms at all there though Janis: ❌❌❌ Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you can have him Janis: he'll be so 😁 Jimmy: and what, you're saying grateful is my type? Janis: as that would be a fake self-drag Janis: I would NEVER Jimmy: 🦐'll have to live without me Jimmy: or 💀💀💀 if we're starting that trend Janis: he might be that gutted when you're gone Janis: if I have the misfortune of having to stick around here and be a 👻 Janis: I'll let you know, somehow Jimmy: 🤞 him and all the other dickheads who do your head in Jimmy: 'cause you won't be a 👻 unless you have unfinished bollocks Jimmy: and I reckon that's gotta be a bit more than 🐕🏃 so you'll be alright Janis: tah for your expert opinion Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: rot in peace, my dear 💕 Janis: with so little going on, how could I not Jimmy: it's a done deal Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥀 Janis: think one of the kids has woken up Janis: brb Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [obviously we're dipping] Jimmy: [you wanna post this then gal it's probably long af] Janis: [we can start actually xmas day in a different convo if you wanna yeah]

[queenmabscherzo]

DVD commentary - Targeting, Ch. 26

this is the second part of the chapter. i didn’t want to do all the post-game interviews and stuff, i mean, that is what it is. but i really like talking about the boys :’) so for the anon who requested chapter 26, here’s most of it:

Winning is a hell of a drug. And the crash? That's apocalyptic.

It starts during the trip to the hotel, the mundane reality of a bus ride that reminds Steve—it's not Hollywood, here. (obv this is a reference to big sports movies, which would end with the championship or whatever, but also any time i can make an MCU reference and like tap on the 4th wall, that’s fun.)

It all feels so big when you're standing in the middle of the stadium, in the middle of 70,000 fans and 4000-watt LEDs (i looked up “stadium lights” btw, which is one of those dumbass things that you feel like you have to research and then reread it a year later and ur like “oh ok lmao”), but when you drive away, when you watch the horizon and the dark night sky swallow that stadium right up, it doesn't feel as big anymore. It already feels like two lines of text on the NCAA Wikipedia page. (the best moments always go by too fast, don’t they, Steve) (luckily he’s got more best moments yet to come)

And now that his mind is reeling back to the dirt and the desert, all Steve can think about is Bucky's glassy eyes. He wracks his brain, running through their conversation over and over so he won't forget: something about hurting Steve, something about forgetting phone numbers, checking on Sam Wilson, (bucky rly cared a lot about sam, ngl. Protective Bucky Barnes made it a personal goal not to let freshman phenom Sam Wilson get hurt IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER)

I love you.

Steve taps his foot incessantly through the drive to the hotel. (in retrospect i should have made a parallel between this bus and the high school bus hnng) The rest of the bus rocks with three different group chants and a tuneless rendition of "We Will Rock You" that the white boys must have started. (mannnnn i remember sports buses ……. I remember in middle school one of our fav bus songs was “stacy’s mom” …)

Steve texts Bucky a simple You okay?, but doesn't expect a response and doesn't get one.

When they finally reach the hotel, Steve's internal systems are going haywire. The euphoria of victory has nosedived, but he started so high in the atmosphere it's becoming hard to breath—the imbalance of oxygen—all the meters in the cockpit spin out of control—(speaking of mcu references) he just wants to know if Bucky is okay. He just wants Bucky to be okay.

So Steve's pretty much delirious when they enter the hotel, split into groups, and go their separate ways. He drifts onto an elevator with Sam and the Bradleys. When they reach their floor, Steve turns down the hall for his room on autopilot—then stops in his tracks.

There is a man in black leaning against his doorframe. The corridor is empty except for this dark motionless figure with a duffel bag strapped to his back. Steve is suddenly very conscious of his breathing.

(in early drafts of targeting, i sent bucky to the hospital at the end of the game. Not like in a Serious way, just in a precautionary way. he just hurt his head so they might as well get it checked out, right. in the early drafts, i had steve and his teammates visit bucky IN the hospital. i considered Rumlow being there, or pierce being there. I also considered Steve punching Rumlow for being gross. But yeah. Hospital. That lasted in the drafts for a long time, actually. It’s not a bad idea, but it’s logistically hard wrt getting him out of the hospital, and like, has more serious implications than necessary. I’m all about hurt/comfort but i didnt wanna beat bucky up too bad.)(and obviously the hotel room is ……. GREAT)

A voice sounds from behind Steve: "Did Eli lock himself out again?" (AGAIN!!!) (I wanna know that story lmfao)

Steve's friends all laugh. (steve does not laugh. He knows who it is already. nerd.)

"I'm right here!" Eli protests from the back of the group.

"That's not Eli," Steve whispers, pace accelerating—heart accelerating. He breaks away from his teammates and strides down the hall, like tripping, like falling, like pointing the nose of the plane straight toward the earth. Like plummeting forward and just barely catching himself with every step. (one time i had a coach describe “running” as “falling forward and catching yourself” and idk how i feel about that metaphor in practicality but it sure works right here lmao)

The dark figure looks up as Steve approaches, but doesn't move.

Steve wraps his arms around Bucky's waist and kisses him on the lips. (we all KNEW who it was right? It’s one of those surprises u know is gonna happen but you still can’t wait to see it)

Numbness starts to creep up his limbs—probably from the buckets of adrenaline careening through his bloodstream, a fire and flood (thank u @ vance joy) every fifteen minutes since the game started. But God, his heart is so big, right now, so loud and so real. If any heart could take it, it's Steve's.

What kind of kiss.

Steve has never kissed anyone like this. A direct line to all the empty spaces in his chest.

(this is the third time they’ve kissed, now. The first time being when bucky was freaking out in his hotel room a couple weeks ago, and pretended it didnt happen. The second time was in millenium park, aka steve’s christmas present to bucky lol. And of course, a lot happened between that kiss and this one. I’d like to think they both changed, as people, even.)

(have you ever been caught off guard by an incredible kiss when you were the one giving it???? Maybe that’s just me, because i’m so casual and careless at all times. But have you ever gone in for a kiss and Meant it, but still the other person doubles down and gangs up on you somehow? That’s this kiss. That’s this kiss for steve. Steve is like, “there’s nothing left to say, i just have to show him”; and bucky is like … still kind of thinking every kiss with steve could be his last. So he gives it all he’s got. I guess. Idk if i’m describing it v well but. What kind of kiss.)

All of Bucky is so strong: (OH YEAH that’s also rly important, i cannot stress how fucking Strong bucky is and how much i love him for it) (besides the fact that he’s been through so much and survived it all …. He’s still GOOD.) (STOP im gonna cry about bucky barnes for a bit) Steve can feel it under his lips and under his fingertips, the molten resilience warm and dormant under Bucky's skin. Steve presses harder and leans closer. He can't get close enough. His hands press into Bucky's spine, and he still can't get close enough. He opens his mouth and Bucky sighs and draws him in and he still can't get close enough.

One of his teammates whistles. Steve and Bucky don't let it stop them, this time. (oh don’t worry, i did not forget about the other boys, those poor poor babies. Isaiah is probably like :o and Eli is probably grinning and like smacking his brother on the arm until it bruises. Sam is prob the one who whistled.)

Steve's body systems are all rebooting. He can't feel anything that isn't in contact with Bucky—which is fine—that's perfect, he doesn't need anything else—

Then Bucky touches him, and Steve sucks in a sharp breath through his nose. (have you ever kissed someone and just forgot they had hands until they USE THEM??) (anyway) Bucky's hands come to rest on his face, leaving fingerprints on Steve's jaw, like lavender and cirrus clouds. His hands slide behind Steve's neck, and his fingers thread through his hair. He finds the dimple at the base of Steve's skull and whimpers.

Steve has no idea what his own hands are doing. (LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!) (they on bucky’s butt!!!!!!! I’m joking, they’re WHEREVER YOU WANT THEM TO BE.) He can't focus on more than one thing, and right now, that one thing is the feel of Bucky's bottom lip under his own.

He can't get close enough. He presses in for more contact, from knees to navel to sternum. He backs Bucky into the wall, and he can feel the jolt when his fingers are trapped between Bucky's jacket and the wallpaper. (a jolt!!! He prob was a little forceful …………… *eyes emoji*)

Bucky breaks the kiss and hisses and presses both hands to Steve's chest.

Horror washes over Steve. "What's wrong?!"

Bucky grimaces. "Sorry," he pants, eyes fixed on Steve's mouth.

"What—no, don't be—what's wrong?" He steps back, but keeps his hands on Bucky's waist in case he needs—anything. Support? What's wrong?

"Sorry. It's…" Bucky swallows. His eyes flicker. Steve can see the faint green of a lingering bruise near the bridge of his nose. "Dislocated shoulder." (in early drafts, this was a collapsed lung. In retrospect, that’s prob because it might have required the hospitalization. I think the shoulder injury is more … symmetrical, tho.)

Beat.

"You—you have a dislocated shoulder?"

"Wait, you what?" That would be Eli, stepping closer, eyes wide. (athletic trainer eli!)

"Well." Bucky looks down again. "It's relocated now." (thanks buck. Thank you for that elaboration.)

"When did it happen?" Steve asks.

"That—when me and Wilson went up for that deep pass. And landed on top of each other."

(“Bucky and Sam both go up for the ball; it twirls off their fingertips; they tangle in mid-air, and they both go down hard. Steve jogs toward them, heartstrings strumming dominant chords in his bloodstream.

Sam Wilson gets up first, moving stiffly, both hands on his lower back. When Steve offers him a hand, he waves it off even while he winces. Steve glances downfield. Bucky's teammates are helping him to his feet and stuffing his shoulder pad back into his uniform.”)

Steve wracks his brain. "On the last play?"

"No," Bucky says. His eyes dart between Steve and each of his teammates. "Before. We were winning. It was a go route."

It's all kind of a blur in Steve's memory: images of Sam Wilson in deep coverage, Bucky lining up as a safety, zone reads, go routes, post routes, slant routes. He can remember Sam tumbling down on the sidelines, and something occurs to him: "Was it the fight?"

"No," Bucky answers, and Sam speaks at the same time: (<3)

"No," Sam says, staring at Bucky, a nauseated expression curling his lip. (because that play was … A LONG time ago) "No, it was in the third quarter. Right after halftime," he clarifies, and everyone knows he is right.

Steve begins to feel a strange, localized ache in the hinge of his jaw. "You played the whole second half with a dislocated shoulder?"

Bucky shrugs. And then winces. (he’s sO CUTE. and dumb. BUT CUTE.)

"Holy shit," Isaiah breathes.

"I mean, we popped it back in, first," Bucky backtracks.

"Still," Eli hisses, then leaps into action. "No wonder it hurts—Steve Rogers and the kiss of death, over here." (tbh i thought of this joke before i even decided on an injury lmfao.)(i am not funny.)

Steve opens his mouth to protest, but Eli talks over him. "Come on, come inside, I have a couple ice packs in the freezer." (ELI IS SUCH A DAD™!!!!!) Eli fumbles with the key-card and shepherds Bucky into their room. Once they're inside, he relieves him of his duffel bag—working carefully around his left shoulder—and shoves it at Sam without looking, then guides Bucky onto the end of a bed. Once he is settled, Eli turns to rummage through their mini-fridge. "Steve, grab me one of our hand-towels, yeah?" he orders.

Steve does so. When he returns from the bathroom, he stops in his tracks. Bucky is perched on the edge of Steve's bed, a little wide-eyed, but calm. Eli hovers over him, inspecting Bucky's shoulder. Sam sneaks the duffel (i only included this fucking duffel bag so bucky could sneak his Secret Documents into Steve’s room lmfao)(and so Sam could make the “overnight bag” joke tbh.) next to the TV, then catches Steve's eye and shakes his head, clearly trying not to smile.

The entire tableau punches all the air out of Steve's lungs. (same) (obv i really wanted steve’s friends to accept bucky, and i’m nothing if not Dramatic. so. Here we are)

Steve eases onto the corner of the empty bed. Eli doesn't even acknowledge him, his focus trained on Bucky. "They check you out?" he asks as he prods the left side of Bucky's back with well-trained fingers.

Bucky nods. He gazes at Eli the way you might gaze at someone who speaks to you in a different language, but nevertheless does so very earnestly. (i mean it’s safe to say bucky NEVER expected a reaction like this, not only because his own coaches/staff aren’t this nice, but also bc like, these guys are his rivals, lmao) (and he also is prob thinking about what a dick he was to Steve a week ago)

Eli tugs at the collar of Bucky's windbreaker and asks if he can remove it. Bucky lets him help without speaking and without moving his left arm much. Once the jacket is gone, Eli has better access to Bucky's torso.

"Hospital?" Eli asks.

Bucky shakes his head. (LOL)

"Broken ribs, too?"

Bucky nods. (ok ok ok . i worked very hard not to let eli fall into a trope where he just existed to “take care of bucky”. Because i wanted him to rly be the character who cared about sports medicine and … about PEOPLE. So i established it earlier, with steve, with sam, with his major, with his brother, with his kids, everything. And he really knows what he’s DOING. he sat down with bucky for like a single minute, and could tell he had loose tissue and broken ribs around the relocated shoulder. And he’s made something of himself, here, of caring about people. He’s cared about his brother for years, when no one else cared, and now he’s gonna make a living taking care of hurt athletes. I also think it … kind of fits with comics!eli, who was such a sweet bean and just wanted to be a good superhero and live up to his grandpa. I rly rly rly absurdly love eli bradley, guys.) (also contrast him with steve, who wants to take care of people but has no idea what he’s doing; isaiah, who has a good heart but isn’t good at showing it; and sam, a good friend who’s a big goof.)

"Did they scan you?" Eli goes on, and doesn't wait for an answer. "There's loose tissue, I think. Can you lift your arm?"

"Not really," Bucky says, and proceeds to lift his arm (LMAO YOU ASS). He almost makes a ninety-degree angle.

"I mean, I haven't seen the scans or nothing," Eli says, and sounds genuinely sorry for it, "But I think there's some kind of tissue damage. Maybe not torn, but ... Can't believe they didn't take you to the hospital."

"We have doctors," Bucky says dumbly.

Eli dismisses that with a wave. "Did they give you anything?"

Bucky blinks.

Eli beckons for the towel, which Steve hands over. "Any drugs?" Eli clarifies.

Bucky huffs, a small sour sound that could be laughter. "You'll have to be more specific."

Steve, Sam, Isaiah, and Eli all stare at Bucky.

Steve thinks back to the NAC Championship Game. "Pump me with enough drugs, and even I can't tell I'm injured." It could mean so many things. Even at American State, players take shots to stave off the pain long enough for a football game. Sam Wilson comes to mind, and his small doses of painkillers and muscle relaxants to alleviate the back spasms. (if you’re into that kind of thing, meaning semi-unpleasant-medical-commentary, look up “toradol shots” and “football” and some articles are more biased than others but yeah, it’s sketchy either way.)

But Bucky sounds so angry. It's the tone of voice that draws Steve's imagination to dark places.

Eli is the first to recover. He holds up the ice pack, now wrapped in a towel. "I mean anti-inflammatories," Eli explains, "or something to knock you out overnight."

Bucky accepts the ice pack. He turns it over between his hands. He looks thoughtful. He picks at a stray thread on the towel. He doesn't speak.

Sensing the toxic discomfort in the room, Steve is about to step in when Isaiah clears his throat.

"So his arm's not gonna fall off or nothing?"

Eli blinks, then ducks his head. "I mean, he said it hurt," he says sheepishly.

"You ain't have to assault him and force him to strip," Isaiah points out. (isaiah is really a big sweetheart, he just doesn’t express himself well lol.)

"I don't mind," Bucky mumbles.

Sam interrupts, then. "So what do we call you?" (and sam is ……  sam.)

Bucky and Steve both stare at him, mouths open.

"You know," Sam explains. "Do you go by … James? Or Barnes? Can I call you Bucky, or is that like a pet name? 'Property of Steve Rogers' or whatever?" Steve blushes. "Or do you prefer the Winter Soldier?"

"Anything but that."

"Bucky Bear?"

Bucky snorts. "Nice ring to it."

"But really," Sam says, smiling now. "I'm gonna hack into Steve's phone and steal your number so I can send you a ton of pictures of me with the trophy. (this is true, and definitely definitely happens.) (except the part where sam hacks into steves phone. He just gets buckys number. Hes not shy, pls.) So. What name do I save you under?"

"... Bucky's fine," he replies with a bemused half-smile.

Steve gazes at him. There is a perfect ache in his chest, like too much color bursting inside and not enough space.

"… out of it. Earth to Steve Rogers." (ISAIAH!!!!)

He snaps back to the present when he hears Isaiah speaking. "I'm—what?"

Sam cackles, which Steve thinks is pretty unfair, since it's his fault Bucky just knocked all the air out of Steve's lungs.

"Maybe we should go," Eli says gently.

"Hell yeah it's time to go," Sam says, rubbing his hands together. "We're going out, right?" He grins at Steve. (sam …… is too young to legally drink. I’m crying. i mean not that it’s hard for young people to get alcohol but he’s literally 19 and asking to go out. He’s so full of life and he’s so RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!)

Everyone in the room stares at him, shifting awkwardly.

"I don't think they're coming," Eli says.

Isaiah takes Sam by the elbow and steers him toward the door. "We can still go out."

"Wait." Sam plants his feet. "Steve, you …" (like sam’s not CLUELESS here, he just saw them make out for crying out loud. He’s just got so much energy and they just won a BIG GAME okay, it just takes him an extra second to process things. Which, i mean, is relatable.) He looks at Steve, then—looks at him—and seems to see something new; then he looks at Bucky, then Steve again, back and forth. "Oh."

"Sam—" Steve tries, but Sam interjects.

"Holy—okay, okay, I mean, he did bring an overnight bag and shit," Sam says, gesturing towards Bucky's duffel.

Bucky's face turns an impressive shade of crimson. "What." (he most certainly did not. Well, staying-overnight wasn’t the primary function of the duffel bag. He was maybe hopeful. maybe.)

"Sam—"

"I think you just took their relationship to the next level," Eli cuts in with a sly look.

Sam, on the other hand, has gone from mortified to elated in the span of about four seconds. "What's in the bag, Soldier?"

Bucky levels him with a scowl to match the nickname. "Toothbrush and a box of condoms." (LIIIIIES. There’s only like 3 condoms. And they’ve been in there for months. but still.)

Beat.

Sam is the first to laugh; Steve joins in, but it's weak because he's reeling with embarrassment. And distantly, definitely turned on.

"Right. We're leaving," Isaiah says pointedly. (poor frikin isaiah puts up with SO MUCH!!!!! His roommates are so ridiculous and horny and he never asked for this except he totally moved in with them and knew full well what he was getting into and is maybe into it, but anyway, anyway.) (housewarming didn’t come out of the blue that’s all i’m saYINg.) (isaiah’s BLUSHING.) Sam Wilson is laughing too hard to protest.

After a small commotion ("There's Advil in my bag!" Eli says, just as Sam calls, "Always use protection!"), and the hotel door latches with a heavy bang. Steve can still hear his teammates in the hallway, but they are muffled and unintelligible, and they fade away fast, leaving Steve alone with Bucky.

Neither of them speaks right away. Bucky is still sitting quietly on the end of Steve's bed, staring, unfocused, into the middle distance. Steve takes the opportunity to look at him. Properly, and all, without sticking his tongue down his throat or bashing his injured shoulder into a wall.

(fun fact: the following transition is a fucking bitch. I don’t think it’s great but i’m an awkward loser, so i was like ok, how do i get them to say i love you and fuck already? Like in a Realistic Fashion. Realistic for dumb jocks.) (rolls eyes forever)

Bucky is in black sweatpants and black Nikes with red soles. The back of his white T-shirt has a list of dates—probably a catalogue of Southeast State National Championships—while the front bears the Southeast logo: a red elk skull with wicked hooked antlers. (check out the “targeting art” tag, a couple people have drawn this and i love them for it) (what else would make a “tundra” logo”...? idk) His face looks better than it did a week ago. Just a little swollen. Steve probably wouldn't even notice if he didn't know to look. There's a string of bruises on Bucky's arm and his knuckles are tore up and there's still dirt clinging to his nails, but all that's just standard football wear-and-tear. He's got a couple days' worth of stubble, and there's a little crescent patch on his jaw where nothing grows; a small white scar from God knows where, God knows when. His lips are parted. Steve wants to kiss him again. But between the corridor and now, this moment with silence and an ice pack wrapped in a crisp white towel, it doesn't seem so easy, anymore.

"You doing okay?" Steve asks.

Bucky's eyes snap back to life and he looks at Steve. (bucky is so spacy lmao awww) (honestly bucky is a lot like me. I think of all the characters in this story, he’s the most like me.) "Yeah." Just yeah.

"You want to use that ice pack, or stick it back in the freezer?"

Bucky looks down at the bundle in his lap, like he forgot it was there. His chest rises and falls.

"Here," Steve says, and stands up slowly so he can slide onto the bed next to Bucky's bad shoulder. He gently takes the ice pack and folds it against his arm, the outside of the ball-and-socket joint, right along the seam of his sleeve. "Good?"

"I dunno," Bucky croaks. "You don't have to—I should probably go." (like seriously, second guessing wild, impulsive decisions? Assuming people don’t care as much as you care? That’s just relatable, man.)

A knot twists in Steve's stomach. He presses into the ice pack a little harder—not too hard—just enough to feel present.

"Why did you come, anyway?" Steve asks.

Bucky's eyes track to his duffel bag, (he came because he wanted to bring steve those documents that incriminate Pierce. He came because he wanted someone to validate him. To validate how bad he felt. To validate the abuse he’s gone through. To tell him he’s not imagining things. He came because he likes steve and he misses him. He came because his sex drive is wild. He came because if he stayed in his hotel room, he would lose his mind.) then back to Steve. "I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Sorry? For what?"

Bucky squeezes his eyes shut. "I'm sorry I hit you," he mumbles. (and he came to say that, too. he’s been feeling bad about that for a long time.)

Oh.

How ridiculous, Steve thinks. What a small, silly thing, now. He's sitting here with an ice pack to Bucky's mangled shoulder, counting the bruises up Bucky's arms and his face, and that's just the ones Steve can see. He's sitting here in good health and a golden haze of victory, and Bucky is apologizing to him. How absurd. "Oh—Buck, don't worry about that."

"No, look, I'm obviously … messed up and all," Bucky launches into a stammering speech. "I'm sorry I hit you, and yelled at you, and … kissed you. (sorry about the mixed messages, to be specific) I guess. I'm—I just—I want you to know I didn't mean all those shitty things I said. And the game today, I didn't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm fine," Steve assures him. "I promise."

"Right." Bucky cracks his knuckles. He doesn't look convinced. "Anyway. I've been fucking with you for weeks now, (by “fucking with you” he means stringing steve along and then pushing him away. Toying with him. Which is how it looks, from certain points of view. It’s not how steve felt, but it certainly could be read that way.) so it's cool if you don't believe a word I say." (bucky was 100% lying in chapter 23 when he told steve “I was messing with your head” [with regards to kissing steve]. At the time, he was in a really dark, messed up place, and he was really angry with steve, and thought they would both be better off apart. They couldn’t mess each other up anymore if they were apart.)

Steve gapes at him. "Buck … You were mad. You had a right to be mad." (for the record, i PERSONALLY don’t condone bucky punching steve. But steve is more forgiving than i am, and more deeply [and unhealthily] attached to bucky)

The look in Bucky's eyes is so specific. Such a localized pain. From a distance he seems hard, and strong, towering marble, but if you look from the right angle you can see the anguish buried in the rock. The fear and sorrow in David's eyes, despite the calm repose of his limbs. (as in michelangelo’s david. I kind of get michelangelo vibes whenever i watch TWS, the scene with bucky in the bank vault.) (but i knew him.) (from the right angle, David looks very scared. And it’s the same with bucky, i feel.)

"I'm real fucked up, Steve." He sighs quietly. "I should go."

Bucky lowers his shoulder to wriggle out from under the ice pack. Steve lets it fall to the bed—instead, he grabs Bucky's knee.

"Don't go."

"I shouldn't have come. Steve ... I don't want to keep hurting you."

Steve has never been able to deny Bucky anything, but this—he read this wrong, before. (when he just let bucky go after hitting Steve) Bucky begged Steve to leave him alone, and Steve has let him go too many times. He'd thought he'd been doing what was best for Bucky. All this time, Bucky thought he was doing what was best for Steve. (isn’t that kind of the point. Of the story. Of them.)

"You won't hurt me," Steve promises. "You haven't hurt me. None of that was your fault."

"I hit you."

"You think I can't take one lousy punch?"

Bucky snorts; he doesn't smile, not quite, but he looks amused, and Steve counts it as a win. "Wasn't lousy. (BUCKY IS BIG) I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for. You were hurting too." He pauses there, feeling sober again, and he braces himself. "Bucky, can I ask you something?"

"What."

"Who gave you the black eye?"

He scoffs. "You were on the field. You saw. Wasn't it Creed's elbow?"

"Bucky," Steve scolds him gently. "I mean last week."

He ducks his head and doesn't answer.

"At my house," Steve prods. "Bucky?"

"It's not a big deal."

"Was it Rumlow?"

Bucky laughs, low and bitter.

"It was, wasn't it?" (steve has probably been thinking this ever since he saw it, considering he also overheard rumlow being an ass in bucky’s hotel room a few weeks ago)

"No. It … wasn't Rumlow."

Steve's not sure he believes him, (did you guys believe him?) but doesn't press the issue. He owes Bucky a little privacy. Just asking is what matters, for now.

Bucky looks up at him through long, long lashes; the same way he has always looked at Steve, (LIKE ON THEIR BUS IN HIGH SCHOOL) a bright blue, the hottest part of a flame.

"Quite a pair, aren't we?" Steve says through a watery smile.

"What's that mean."

(means we’re both selfless shits and we both know it. means no matter how bad we’re hurt, we both still want to take care of other people first.)

"Means I'm here for you, Buck," he says, soft and insistent. "I'm not going anywhere."

Bucky shakes his head. There might be a smile leaking through his granite mask.

Now or never.

"About what you said," Steve says carefully. He squeezes Bucky's knee and rubs small circles into his thigh. "You know, after the game?"

Bucky cringes. "Oh, god. I'm sorry about that too." (NOOOOOO--)

"Don't be sorry," Steve whispers—begs, even. Please don't be sorry. Not for that.

"I shouldn't have said anything," Bucky says. The muscle of his thigh twitches under Steve's grip. "I was caught up in the moment, you know, and it just came out, and it was totally wrong-place-wrong-time, I'm sorry."

"Did you mean it?" Steve breathes, almost inaudible, because he can feel the cracks under the surface.

Bucky covers his face with both hands. "It's—yeah, Steve, yeah I meant it. I just … shouldn't." (FUCK SPORTS AND TOXIC MASCULINITY AND HOMOPHOBIA AND FUCK IT ALL and give bucky a hug 2kforever.)

"Oh, Bucky."

When he looks at Steve again, his eyes are red. "You don't have to say it back."

"Are you kidding me?"

Bucky blinks. "Um."

"Listen to me, Buck." Steve sinks to his knees between Bucky's feet and looks up at him. It's dizzying. It makes his head ache just to think of it: all the years, all the football games, all the doodles passed back and forth in class, all the times Bucky treated Steve's injuries with ice and stupid jokes. He reaches up to take Bucky's face in both hands. "Listen to me," Steve says again. "For as long as I can remember, every single day of my life, you were the most important thing in it. The best thing. Bucky, I was in love with you before I even knew what that meant."

"Steve—"

"And then you were gone. Just gone, and I felt so … much. There was so much, and I didn't know where to put it all." Bucky is crying openly, now, his nose red and his eyes shining. "God, I don't want to feel that way ever again," Steve whispers. "So yeah, I do have to say it back." He smooths the tears from Bucky's cheeks. "I love you," he says. He says it out loud for the first time in his life as he looks into Bucky's eyes, the eyes he has known and for years, for decades, for centuries upon centuries. "I love you, Bucky."

(i practiced that love confession during my Long Commute for months before i ever published it.) (such a balancing act, making it sound like something a person would say, and also make it very very meaningful. And like ….. Adequate for these 2.)

Bucky's lips blossom for him, parting like the gentle pink petals of morning. At first, all that escapes is a sob. He blinks, hard, and tries again:

"You're a punk." (bucky’s response was not a balancing act and did not take nearly as much effort, it’s the most in-character thing i’ve ever written lmfao)

Steve grins. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. You are such a punk."

There is water gathering in the creases of Steve's palms. "Is this okay?" he asks, wiping away more tears.

"This is the worst." Bucky sucks in a breath, and then grabs both of Steve's wrists and squeezes. "Yeah it's okay."

"Okay," Steve says. He feels his own throat growing hot. They're both going to end up crying, probably. He gazes at Bucky's lips, the chapped creases and the swollen spot where he always bites down on it. Steve smiles. "I'm kind of afraid to kiss you again."

"Afraid."

"Well, yeah, Buck, it always seems to go wrong. (I MEAN HE’S GOT A POINT!) I try to break your arm, or you end up puking everywhere—" (a stranger whistles at us in millenium park--)

"Shut the fuck up," Bucky demands, and pulls Steve in for a kiss.

It is stiff at first—more overwhelmed than anything—their noses and their lips crushed together because they need it so bad. Because if they didn't kiss right now they would probably both erupt into color and flame and leave a crater behind in the Arizona desert. After a moment of desperate contact, after the reassurance that this is real, this whole night has been real, Steve relaxes. He strokes Bucky's jaw and parts his lips. (i wrote this sex scene between a dress rehearsal and a concert. A pretty major gig actually with a big symphony in a decent-sized city. I don’t LIVE in that city, so i had nothing to do between the rehearsal and the show, so i sat in a philly cheesesteak bar and wrote smut.) (i was also very anxious about the gig at the time.)

Bucky's hands are restless. They flutter like sparrows from Steve's wrists to his face and his elbows and finally, the fabric of his shirt, where they cling tight and pull him closer. He drifts back, stretches onto the mattress and pulls Steve on top of him. Not that it takes much coaxing. Steve goes hungry and willing. He wraps an arm around Bucky's waist and helps him shift farther onto the bed. Steve nudges a knee between Bucky's thighs, and that doesn't take much, either; Bucky's legs spread easily, (*eyes emoji*) and draw Steve in, and how absurd is this, now. It's phenomenal, the goosebumps that break out at the base of his spine and sweep straight to his skull.

Bucky kisses like an ocean. Writhing and fluid and breathless, pulse as natural and magnetic as the tide. He wraps Steve in white foam and surges against him. (this metaphor, for example, gives me vivid deja vu for that restaurant where i wrote it.)

Steve's left arm is trapped between Bucky and the mattress. With his right, he gropes for Bucky's hand and tangles their fingers together. Bucky's heel hooks behind his knee and he smiles, but doesn't break the kiss.

Steve grinds against Bucky's hip bone. That earns him a delicious groan.

Bucky gasps softly as he breaks the kiss. "I should probably be careful, you know," he whispers.

"You—? Oh," Steve says, scrambling up onto his elbows. "Sorry! Are you okay? Does this hurt?"

"No, not really," Bucky says, adjusting his left arm. (a resounding “yes” if i ever heard one) (he’s fine tho, he’s fine. just. you know.)

Steve can't imagine—just—at all. He just can't imagine. He can't picture hurting until it doesn't matter anymore. He wants to fix it so much. He wants to take away all of Bucky's hurt. "Is—? We can take it slow, if you want. I'm sorry. Is this—"

"Steve." Bucky spreads his fingers through Steve's hair and smiles. "I said careful, not abstinent." (if you could not tell after reading targeting, i really wanted to attack the stereotype where bucky is a wilting flower who needs to be coddled by Everyone. including but not limited to their Bedroom Activities)

He leans up to plant a soft kiss on Steve's chin.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

"I'm not trying to pressure you though," Steve shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts. (but also, i mean, steve is very very very sweet and i love that about him. It’s not offensive. it’s seriously fucking sweet.) "We can stop if you want."

"Steve Rogers, so help me, if you fucking stop now, you'll—I'll—I will … I'll do something. I can't think. But I'll do something. And you won't like it." (tbh i couldn’t think of something clever to say, and you know what? that seemed like the most accurate depiction of bucky’s state of mind)

Steve couldn't argue if he wanted. "Oh yeah?"

"Fuck."

"You don't want me to stop?"

"I don't want you to stop."

(at this point, i was picturing like, bucky hasn’t actually Had Sex in awhile. Like a year, even. he’s probably made out with someone in the dark corner of a bar or maybe fooled around in a bathroom at a frat party. which, getting a half-assed hand job 2-3 times a year is nice but it’s not exactly intimate. actually, it’s not even nice. anyway. bucky might be .. even more sensitive than usual. Especially since it’s….. steve.)

Steve leans in for a kiss again, a rich slide of lips against teeth. He tugs gently at the hem of Bucky's shirt and drags his fingernails across the ridges of his stomach.

The noise Bucky makes is sunset and surf and sin. Steve kisses that sound. He slides his left hand out from under Bucky's back and into the front of his pants. (STEEEEEEVE!!!!!!! GET IT STEVE!) That's a good reaction, too: Bucky's hips jump, as if jolted by an electric current.

Steve wants to know every single one of Bucky's reactions, wants to learn every perfect way to make Bucky squirm. He fumbles with Bucky's waistband, and that is fingernails against Steve's scalp; he wraps a hand around Bucky's dick, and that is a hiss of air through teeth; he strokes once, up and down, and that is a low whine in Bucky's throat. He tightens his hold, and that is Bucky's hand slipping into Steve's pants, grasping him and caressing him in return, which—damn, you know. (YEAH DAMN!!!)

Steve trails kisses along Bucky's jaw until he finds the soft spot under his ear. Bucky's pulse speeds up, his breath speeds up, and his hand speeds up.

"Oh, God, Bucky," Steve groans.

That's all it takes. Bucky arches his back, spilling over Steve's fist, gasping for air. (bucky came SO fast in this scene lmfao i’m dyin. I still am not sure if it’s like …. TOO fast. Like unrealistically fast. Or … unkind of me. But i just. he hasn’t done this in awhile, he’s with STEVE, steve just confessed his LOVE, all the game day adrenaline--yeah i mean, at the end of the day? same, bucky. same.)

As Bucky spirals back to earth, his grip on Steve's cock tightens and his pace quickens. Steve grinds down into his hand, desperate and fevered, and it doesn't take long for him to come, too. (i mean i guess it’s been a few months for steve too……...lmao ….)

And that—God Almighty—that doesn't feel like a small thing. That feels like a great deal more than two lines of text on a Wikipedia page. (SWEETHEARTS!!!!) (they’re so corny. STEVE is so corny.)

Steve tries to catch his breath, panting hard against the hollow of Bucky's shoulder, leaving a warm, damp patch in the fabric of his shirt. Bucky twitches under him. Static currents and shallow breath. The dappled violets and whites and yellows of the sea at sunset.

Steve is careful not to crush Bucky underneath him. Even in the dense fog of sex and happiness, he is so, so conscious of Bucky's hurts. If anything, Bucky is more delicate, this way; supine and pale and fragile under the tips of Steve's fingers.

Steve traces the lines of Bucky's abs—Jesus—he would count them if he could see straight. He wipes his hand on Bucky's hip bone and asks, "You want to clean up, or anything? You're welcome to use the bathroom."

"You hinting?"

"Am I—? No, it—I just—"

Bucky is grinning, though. (if you know me at all, you know i can’t write a whole sex scene of like, ocean tides and starlight and fragile hearts or whatever. There’s gonna be a joke about a condom or like, the realistically gross follow-up. I AM WHO I AM.) His stomach shakes with laughter, and Steve gapes at him—miles of smooth skin, threads of cum shining on his stomach. It's terrific and terrifying and it's obscene. (terrific AND terrifying!!! Steve, sweetheart!!!) Steve can't even think in words.

Bucky pokes him, hard, right near the collarbone. "You want me to clean up?"

"… I don't ever want you to leave this bed again," Steve breathes. (STEVE, on the other hand, is a much bigger sap than me.)

Bucky just laughs some more.

"What are you giggling at?"

"I ain't giggling." (oh texas boy)

"Oh yeah?"

"I don't giggle."

"What do you call it?" Steve says, running a fingertip from Bucky's sternum to his bellybutton, a slow, subtle trail.

Bucky covers his eyes so all Steve can see is his smile and the way his throat bobs when he swallows.

He can't get enough. He drinks Bucky in like a drug, every detail, every little meaningless deed. The way one side of his smile is higher than the other; the fine hair on his arms; the mess on his stomach, drying and tacky and glistening in the lines that define his abs; the way his knee sways back and forth; the T-shirt bunched up under his armpits.

"I don't giggle," Bucky repeats. Then he uncovers one eye to look at Steve. The tip of his tongue peeks between his teeth. Steve wants to kiss it. He wants to kiss it all.

"Okay," he whispers. "You don't giggle." He kisses Bucky's elbow, which is the nearest thing within reach.

It must tickle, because a noise escapes Bucky's lips. A noise that is absolutely a giggle. (i don’t think he’s laughing because he’s ticklish, at least not 100%. ;) ) "Shut up," he says before Steve can even open his mouth.

"Not a word."

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace

Janis: [Let us say that some boys on the bus were going hard with being dicks because duh, shit always goes down on the bus] Janis: 3 of those lads have sent me dick pics Janis: say the word, like Grace: only 3? 💔 Janis: What can I say? Janis: Not got the pull I used to, obvs Grace: yeah same Janis: Yeah Janis: well, there's comfort in knowing you're always one #scandal away from being old news at this school, yeah Grace: mhmm I'm like so comforted rn Janis: Not my forte Janis: I'll work on getting the remaining 2 dicks Janis: revenge porn, I could do Grace: 🤞💜🙏 Janis: I hope the rest of the insults you've heard today have been more creative than that poor showing at least Grace: Duh of course they haven't 🙄 Janis: Gutting Janis: should've paid more attention in English, lads Grace: [sends her some of the quality content] Grace: that'll be easier when I'm not there to be like TOTALLY distracting obvs Janis: 😑 Janis: How dry Janis: 💀 or 👻 Grace: I mean like catch them at 20 still trying to pass Grace: much as I wanna kms Janis: True that Janis: only here past junior cert to get more fingering experience Grace: ugh Janis: I know Janis: romance is dead Janis: is there anything I can actually do though? Grace: get that as a matching tattoo with barista boy? no 👌👌 Grace: idk cos idk what I can even do soooo Grace: my life is just over Janis: I'll float the idea Janis: might be a bit mainstream Janis: yeah but is that such a bad thing Janis: was pretty tragic, right? Grace: can you not Janis: I'm not taking the piss Janis: I'm being real Grace: & I'm not in the mood for a life revamp atm Grace: or your advice Janis: I'm not trying to be a guru either Grace: well you don't know what you're talking about so that's a relief Janis: Alright Janis: not said I do either Janis: sorry I don't, if I knew how to avoid scandals, I could sell that shit for a high price Grace: just stop Grace: I could care less that I'm #cancelled Grace: it's not even Janis: Go on then Janis: I know you aren't upset over that idiot Grace: Duh Grace: he's the WORST but I knew that already Janis: and give a shit about everyone talking shit, apparently Janis: so, what is it? Grace: it's real if I say it Janis: Is that why you're not saying anything Janis: I know it doesn't stop the talk but some people might listen Janis: what don't you want to make real? Grace: I don't want people to listen, I literally don't want anyone to know Grace: I don't even wanna know, I wish I didn't Janis: Grace Janis: what are you talking about? Grace: I'm literally the worst person, I didn't wanna have his baby & now god has like cursed me forever Janis: Babe, God is NOT a subscriber Janis: tell me Grace: if you make me 😂 I will 😭 Janis: That would make things feel more normal Janis: but I'll calm my comedy genius Janis: you haven't grown another head and I don't think our animal have been slaughtered Grace: thanks babes Grace: but I'd rather have another head than this Janis: More to contour, I get it Janis: Kinda Janis: so it must be bad Grace: Yeah Grace: like I said, my life is over Grace: it's not even started & it's done Janis: Did you want the baby Janis: I know you said not HIS but like Janis: it'd be understandable to be in two minds, even after making a decision about it Grace: not now but I didn't know that'd mean not ever Janis: What? Grace: it's not just that I wasn't pregnant this time Grace: I can't be Janis: Ever? Janis: The Doctor told you? Grace: Ever Grace: the doctor said I'm going through the fucking menopause, like is nan even?! Janis: the menopause Janis: is that even possible Janis: fuck Grace: I don't think the doctor is allowed to drop fake news on me Grace: like maybe there's another storytime coming Janis: When did you find this out? Grace: I went to the doctors right after I delivered my fake news to him Janis: Jesus, Grace Janis: How are you in School Janis: why? Grace: I told you, I don't want this to be happening Grace: I'm freaking out, the symptoms are crazy Janis: Is it just pure bad luck Janis: it can't be like..reversed Grace: there's like no way to undo it Janis: Shit Janis: I'm sorry Janis: that is huge Grace: yeah me too Grace: the pity party this fam would throw would be huge Grace: along with the guestlist of all their accidental babies Janis: and we have enough birthdays with all those accidental kids so Janis: Obviously, no need to explain why you're keeping it to yourself Grace: I can't do this Grace: be this Janis: I don't think you have a choice Janis: well, you don't Grace: is it my fault though? all the binging I used to do Grace: Ro got to have a kid Janis: Of course it ain't your fault Janis: this shit is unfair and random Grace: Yeah Janis: and it'll always be shit and unfair Janis: but you can still live your life, just different to how you've imagined Grace: I don't wanna live this life Janis: There's not an alternative Janis: but I can guarantee it's not gonna be as bad as you feel right now Grace: I was just starting to get my shit together, for god's sake Janis: I know Janis: but you still have the rest together Grace: HE'S the last boy that's ever gonna come near me, that alone makes me wanna die Janis: that's bollocks Janis: you've not got the plague Janis: socially, right now Janis: but who gives a fuck, yeah, the lads 'round here are not the be all in any way Grace: I literally live here Grace: what else am I gonna do go online and find boys who are into 👵? Janis: Boys that don't go to our school, would be a start Janis: ones that aren't likely to be fans of that prick, shouldn't be hard Janis: you're not going for 12 year olds, like Grace: I said don't make me 😂 Janis: It can't hurt Janis: except literally, maybe Grace: I've gotta get used to all the fucking aches and pains anyway ugh Janis: Any excuse for a spa day, you Grace: I'll lose your invite, don't even worry Janis: 💔😏 Janis: you should though Janis: do something that doesn't make you feel like 👵 Grace: casual infertility party Janis: not exactly what I was thinking but Janis: interesting take on the baby shower epidemic Janis: I'd come Grace: oh god don't, Rio's gonna have another one soon Janis: It'll be nice to not have to snatch it back from an OTT gay this time Janis: more chill Grace: unless I snatch it cos I go fully mental Janis: I'd recommend a less baby crazy target Grace: maybe I'll start pushing all the 🐈s around in a pram like oh hey this is my new vibe Janis: if you want your face clawed off Janis: they're pretty unsympathetic little bastards Grace: I literally didn't wanna be in this fam before what am I meant to do now?! ugh Janis: As much as it would be a laugh to ask Ri to surrogate again Janis: let's think of something a little less drastic for the time being Grace: like? Janis: like Janis: you can't disown us all, it'd take to long Janis: but you could not be around for a while Grace: 👌👌 except I have nowhere to go Grace: not trying to have a Q&A with my friends about this Janis: You're so lucky I'm the twin with brains Grace: rude Janis: what about going to see Ava for a hot sec Janis: she's not the barrage-you-with-questions type Grace: it's lowkey very unlikely her mum & dad would want me there though Janis: yeah but it's as unlikely they'll be about enough to notice you that hard Janis: everyone knows you're going through it right now, even if they don't actually know what IT really is Grace: okay yeah Grace: mum does, she'd let me go Janis: exactly, who actually gives a shit if you miss a week or so of school Janis: Ava could still go if she so desperately needs, you just need to chill Janis: away from here Grace: not me, school was the worst even before this Janis: One thing we can agree on Grace: don't like tell anyone, okay? Janis: No shit Janis: 'course I won't Grace: Even your boyfriend who you're so 💖😍😘 for & have no secrets from Janis: Even though you're being purposefully antagonizing rn Janis: I won't tell no one Grace: thanks Janis: It ain't even an ask Janis: so don't mention it Grace: 👌💜 Janis: I'll hook it up with her, no stress Grace: I'll handle mum Janis: and your packing Grace: at least I don't have to serve a look as hard when there's only 1 person there I'm avoiding as opposed to like ALL of Dublin Janis: safe to say you can give the #ootds a break too Janis: strictly loungewear, like Grace: mhmmm Janis: bit rude to avoid Ava though Janis: do I need to tell her you're getting in the guestroom and not coming out, like? Grace: oh please, I would never Janis: Who are you avoiding then? Grace: just a boy Janis: unlike you Grace: excuse you Janis: You'd have your exes all back 'round like a family reunion Janis: who's this boy, did you shit in his bed, what's the story Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: I WOULD NOT Janis: 👌👌 you love a repeat Grace: I'm a hoe reformed 😇🙏 Janis: so that's why you're avoiding Janis: get a wimple, join a convent Grace: literally can't 💍 anyone but god now anyway so Grace: obvs that's what he wanted when he cursed me Janis: #whenbaeisposessive 😍 Janis: and don't talk shit, you don't have to promise you'll have your firstborn within the year when you get married, like Janis: not necessary Grace: whatever we're so off topic rn Janis: the topic of you shitting in some London lad's bed, 'cos you did not deny it Janis: let's get back on that Grace: OMG no! Grace: I'm 👵 not 🤢💀🤒😓💀 Grace: he's just a hookup, no drama Janis: just gonna run for cover if you 👀 him Janis: standard Janis: probably not lurking about her gaff unless you've really one-upped everyone and fucked your uncle 🤢 Grace: EW! Grace: I'm not even gonna 👀 him cos he's her bfs brother but like I didn't know that so Janis: that's funny Janis: soz Janis: 😂 when the incestuousness of it all happens without you even trying Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: okay 🤐 Janis: but deffo avoid him Grace: duh Grace: the state of me & my life rn Janis: more like the state of that whole situation Janis: getting involved in that is not anyone's idea of relaxing Grace: obvs but that's not anything to do with him Grace: just like none of this #scandal involves you Janis: Think people know better than to imply it was a threesome, yeah Grace: Gross! & you know what I mean, babes Janis: yeah, it's beyond #obvs you don't wanna avoid this boy mhmm Grace: like that matters, he's not gonna hit me up & same Janis: well okay Janis: arranging that goes beyond sisterly duties into pimp territory so Janis: focus on what you're actually gonna do whilst you're there then Grace: 😭😭💀💀😭 then yeah? Grace: 👌💜 Janis: you could do that here Janis: at least go somewhere instagrammable to die Grace: well duh Grace: final livestream for the haters Janis: 🙄😏 Janis: wonder if anyone's killed themselves on stream yet Janis: must've Grace: obvs Grace: but I literally couldn't even if it was original content cos they'd all think it was about him & I'm sooo 💔💔💔 Janis: No one wants that as their legacy Grace: exactly Janis: even if the race to #1 most subscribed when he gets #cancelled would be just riveting Grace: he won't even though his fans are just Janis: sweaty virgins Janis: yeah, figures Grace: 😂 Grace: I'd tell him to hit them with a Q&A but like he's got no answers Grace: literally should've known I wasn't pregnant Janis: thank fuck you ain't Janis: this time anyway Janis: obvs the whole thing is a little more complex but Christ Janis: having to parent with that Janis: and knowing your child was the product of a really shit shag Janis: 💔 Grace: IKR Grace: at least he doesn't know he could blame the menopause for how shit it was Janis: I highly doubt he knows what the menopause is Janis: nevermind the concept of it coming early Janis: though that shouldn't be that unfamiliar Grace: who knew it could come this early though Grace: not his defence squad but like wtf Janis: I hadn't heard of it before, really Janis: like I knew people like Ro and Mia and co can stop getting their period and it might not come back, even if you sort yourself Janis: it's shit luck Grace: yeah Janis: Did you not get your period Janis: on whatever contraception you're on Grace: loads of people don't on the implant so I wasn't freaking out Janis: yeah Janis: s'what I thought Janis: you don't think, I mean that's not why, is it Grace: I'd hope someone would have floated that as a side effect before I got it put in but it's not like I can ask my former squad if they're also going through it Grace: they might've moved on by now anyways it only lasts 3 years Grace: hence my 👶 panic Janis: I don't think even doctors and scientists know what it does to our bodies Janis: we're still guineapigs for all this shit Janis: I know loads of people get fucked up from all the hormones they add to your body, and the ones they take away Janis: again, just bad luck it happened to be permanent, I guess Janis: fun times Grace: at least I won't have to do any of that shit any more Janis: that's true Janis: it's not like there aren't any perks Janis: or that the losses can't be filled with other potentials in the future, when you actually wanna think about all that shit Grace: unless I go bald then I will kms obvs Janis: If you go bald, you can just go for it and superglue a wig on Grace: find me one that doesn't make me look like a weird cartoon character & sure Janis: no 💗 or 💙 Janis: got it Grace: ty 💜 Janis: failing that, you could make Ri transplant you some of hers Janis: like so you won't give me a baby, okay Grace: 😂😂 coming at her with ✂ Grace: I love that you didn't volunteer yourself bitch Grace: 💇 or 👶 tbh Janis: Full horror movie moment that Janis: selfish to a fault me Janis: and final girl, so you can pry 'em off my cold dead head or outta my cold dead womb Grace: my 📽🎞😱 moment is that this is gonna change my skin type to dry so it'll take me at least a full week to find replacements for all my makeup faves Janis: yeah, but think about how hard your spots should disappear Janis: get yourself a decent moisturizer and you won't even need to bother barely Grace: !!! Grace: I didn't even think of that OMG Janis: mhmm 👵 don't get acne Grace: 🙏🙏 Janis: and you can try a new facial over there, yeah Grace: as long as Ava isn't like no thanks bitch Janis: won't give her an option tbh Grace: 📽🎞😱 Janis: 😏 you know I'm scary bitch Grace: oh please Janis: 👊 Grace: 😘

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: it's your turn to bust in & save me, you know Jimmy: cashing in that chip Janis: 🤔 what lesson you in and what teach you got first Jimmy: 🥖🧀🍷 Jimmy: bit of a clue Janis: you having a really boujee lunch without me Janis: rude Janis: especially after you ripped the piss for my 🍱 Jimmy: you & emojis! Jimmy: 🐸🐌 Jimmy: we getting anywhere? Janis: I know what lesson you in Janis: if I burst in there she might actually 💀 Janis: not starting the crime spree there Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: she might not even hear you Jimmy: but don't tell your brother I'm making deaf jokes Janis: 😂 Janis: definitely will Janis: bitch about you in sign Janis: is it true she falls asleep during lessons or what? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: 🤞 today's one of 'em Janis: 'least you won't have to do any work Jimmy: soon as she's out so am I Jimmy: meet me Janis: do my best Janis: not got a geriatric teacher sadly Jimmy: you only walk out when you're 💔 then? Jimmy: hang on, I'll get Pete on the line to do his worst Janis: umm firstly, he would NEVER Janis: secondly, shut up Jimmy: it ain't my fault you put such flattering #content of me on the 'gram Jimmy: & got him all 😍😍😍 Janis: 😏 you went out like that Janis: know you wanted everyone to see, slag Jimmy: you know me so well Jimmy: 💕 Janis: unfortunately Janis: 💕 Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: blasting that classic FM for you right now, don't worry Janis: might wake her up Janis: #childhoodbops Jimmy: how did she just hear me laugh Jimmy: she ain't heard nowt else Janis: saw the post too Janis: everyone 👀 you today, babe Jimmy: my new boy status star is fading, babe Jimmy: gotta keep my #appeal 🥇 Jimmy: so tah for the boost Janis: that was the deal Janis: or was it my #appeal Jimmy: all yours babe Jimmy: your appeal & my protection was basically the deal Janis: Blame your leg on someone else then Janis: or I'm 👎 and can't have that Jimmy: that was my own fault Jimmy: & that's not what I need you for Jimmy: Mia & co aren't coming to kneecap me Jimmy: 🐍 only Janis: 😂 Janis: doesn't she take french? Jimmy: do you wanna say hello? Janis: *bonjour Janis: but non Janis: maybe I will come and 👀 her Jimmy: I get it, you're over me Jimmy: bit rude but Jimmy: if I can't keep up, I can't keep up Janis: like she can Janis: one hair flip away from a heart attack Janis: jus' sayin', don't be taking her up on practicing oral thank you Jimmy: stop making me laugh Jimmy: she's looking at me right now like she wants to do target practice though 👍 Jimmy: 🥇 without being in the room, girl Janis: 💕 so real Jimmy: you coming to see me then? Janis: hmm Janis: tempting Janis: maybe Jimmy: go on Jimmy: I miss you Janis: I miss you too Janis: this lesson is so dry Jimmy: she's got us playing bingo so she'll 🥇 when she goes out later Jimmy: 💕👵 Jimmy: practice makes perfect, Ms Janis: love that for her Janis: reckon she'll believe it if I come tell her you're needed for something? Jimmy: I don't care if she does or not Jimmy: I need you for something Janis: yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: hang on then Janis: lemme convince this bitch Imma die if I don't go to the bathroom rn Jimmy: easy Janis: tbf easier for me Janis: want me to bleed all over your classroom babe or what Jimmy: just don't start a pregnancy rumor Jimmy: my dad would actually kill me Janis: eurgh Janis: don't Janis: everyone expects it anyway it's fucking rude Jimmy: this once I promise not to give the fans what they want Janis: 💕 Janis: good 🍀 getting past my watertight contraception boy Jimmy: challenge not accepted Jimmy: again only this once Janis: 👍 answer Jimmy: change the subject or get here faster 'cause not a turn on Jimmy: & I really wanna give you what you want & Mia what she don't Jimmy: 💕 Janis: I have to come in? Janis: 😳 Jimmy: was that not the plan? Jimmy: you asked me if she took french Janis: you think this is actually about Mia? Jimmy: it's about us Jimmy: but she's here, they all are Janis: poor boy Janis: have to sit up the front like a 🤓 to stay safe, yeah? Jimmy: you wish Jimmy: I'm at the back Jimmy: you only need one foot in the door Janis: I'm convinced you can stop Janis: also en route Jimmy: you know how hard it is for me to stop once I've got going Janis: shh Janis: we'll see won't we Jimmy: they'll see Jimmy: you'll feel it Janis: Boy Janis: exactly how much of a show do you wanna give here Janis: be careful Jimmy: if you wanna back out Jimmy: just turn around Jimmy: but I weren't gonna fuck you in front of 'em all Jimmy: I don't reckon the teacher's that blind yet Janis: shut up Janis: when have I ever Jimmy: first time for owt Jimmy: & it sounded like you were gonna Janis: nah Janis: what, like I'm scared of them Jimmy: I know you ain't Jimmy: been proven loads Janis: and I defs ain't scared of your teacher so Jimmy: come on then Janis: Bitch I'm walking Janis: was in the science block Jimmy: what kind of athlete Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: one that had a proper run yesterday Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: if you wanna get your head down, Ms will probably spoon you for a bit Janis: your type not mine Janis: but go off Janis: it's room 26, right? Jimmy: your type is dickheads & she is Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 😂 sure Janis: dream threesome ain't happening, deal with it Jimmy: 💔 me Jimmy: worst girlfriend ever you Janis: I know Janis: get ready to be 😒 Janis: [comes in] Jimmy: [looks at her like well what are you gonna do] Janis: [sits down on his desk like you better kiss me right now boy Jimmy: [does & it's everything so get your phones out everyone] Janis: [obvs she's getting kicked out can decide if he does too] Jimmy: [he does too deal with it Ian] Janis: you know Janis: we don't have to go Janis: she ain't gonna check Jimmy: fuck it then Jimmy: where do you wanna go? Janis: do you wanna leave leave or wait it out somewhere 'til next period Jimmy: I wanna leave but Jimmy: probably shouldn't Janis: yeah, my thoughts too Janis: if we don't show to seclusion, they ain't gonna know to tell him Janis: be 😇 the rest of the day, simple Jimmy: where now then? Janis: [genuine pondering] Janis: better walk and talk or we're gonna get busted Janis: gotta be an empty classroom or something Jimmy: we could just walk in the staff room like we belong Jimmy: all you need is ☕ breath Janis: 😂 Janis: don't make me laugh Janis: you are so bad at being stealth Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: 🏆💪 Janis: you just like the attention then, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: [stops to kiss him some more just 'cos] Jimmy: you're Jimmy: not the worst girlfriend ever Janis: clawing it back Janis: 🏆💪 Jimmy: it's a start Janis: that's how it is Janis: okay Jimmy: [stops to kiss her even more just cos] Janis: damn Janis: please say you don't need a 🚬 first Jimmy: I need you Jimmy: I told you, I miss you Janis: okay then let's just go bathroom Janis: come on Jimmy: #sucharomantic Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: [but kisses her again cos love & agreement] Janis: turn around if you wanna back out Janis: [blows a kiss and starts heading towards nearest] Jimmy: [shakes his head affectionately in like a piss off type way] Jimmy: when have I ever? Janis: [skip them there 'cos how long would it take you know the drill] Jimmy: [pulls her in like when they woohoo in a cupboard on sims lol] Janis: ['keen'] Jimmy: [kisses her to shut her up but also 'cause he is] Janis: missed you Jimmy: [whispers in her ear that he missed her too] Janis: [giving him hickeys you're welcome fans] Jimmy: you really Jimmy: have missed me, yeah Janis: [makes strained 'mhm' noise 'cos yeah] Jimmy: good Janis: I want Jimmy: [tilts her head up for eye contact so he can look at her like what & just generally be hot af] Janis: ['you'] Janis: what did you need, you said you needed me Jimmy: [a really good make out for a while because] Janis: [😍 but being like 👂🤫 'cos someone walked in] Jimmy: [starts kissing her neck & doing his own hickeys cos little shit like that even though he heard the person too] Janis: you're such a dickhead oh my God Jimmy: alright, I'll stop Jimmy: [but goes harder instead cos rude] Janis: I can't be held accountable for my actions if you don't Janis: fair warning Jimmy: are you gonna hit me or fuck me Jimmy: I can't tell Janis: [is 😒 face but also holding in a lol] Janis: you can find out if you really want Jimmy: [kisses her grumpy little face like always] Janis: [person leaves] Janis: thank God Janis: would have been disgusting if they were taking a shit Jimmy: 😂 Janis: not that into you Janis: sorry not sorry Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: poor baby Janis: [back at it again] Jimmy: we should just stay here Jimmy: til someone does take a shit anyway Janis: sexy Jimmy: it ain't my fault you brought me here Jimmy: I was #teamstaffroom Janis: 🙄 Janis: couldn't do this in the staffroom Janis: [saucy behaviour] Jimmy: we could Janis: I mean we could start Janis: but they're not all that zoned out they're gonna let us finish, like Jimmy: let's find out some time Janis: okay Janis: any other bright ideas for me, boy? Jimmy: I'll let you know Jimmy: it's hard to think when you're this close to me Janis: we could get closer Jimmy: [pulls her closer & does some hickeys on the other side too cos enjoy fans] Janis: I'm gonna be covered Jimmy: do you want me to stop, for real Janis: [shakes head] Janis: never Janis: I want more Jimmy: [gives her more] Janis: [kicks the toilet seat down and sits him down] Jimmy: fuck Jimmy: you're really hot Janis: I just Janis: I've gotta Jimmy: do it Janis: [always on his lap girl] Jimmy: [kisses so he don't make all the noise already] Janis: you did promise Jimmy: [nods with all the eye contact how they do] Janis: we've got time Janis: we can just Jimmy: I don't care if we don't Jimmy: I'll make time for you Jimmy: any time Jimmy: loads of Janis: so cute Janis: [lots of kissing] Jimmy: it's you Jimmy: you're just Janis: show me Jimmy: [does obviously we know why we're here lads] Janis: [biting on his shoulder to be quiet 'cos difficile as the french would say] Jimmy: [but like that'd just make him wanna make more noise cos damn] Janis: [puts her hand over his mouth but in a lol shh you cutie way not a threatening one] Jimmy: [good timing cos someone comes in then haha] Janis: shit Janis: [lifts feet up so looks like just one person lol] Jimmy: just don't stop, alright Janis: what if they hear? Jimmy: what if they do Jimmy: they won't know it's us Jimmy: long as you don't scream my name Janis: [🙄] Janis: do my best, babe Jimmy: me too Jimmy: just don't remind me what yours is right now & we'll be 👍 Janis: oh shut up Janis: [goes harder 'cos that bitch like don't make it easy] Jimmy: oh Jimmy: shit Janis: you asked for that Jimmy: I want it Jimmy: I really Jimmy: fucking Janis: tell me Jimmy: I just Jimmy: I Janis: you want me to go slow like this Janis: is that right? Jimmy: baby Janis: Baby Jimmy: please Janis: [really goes for it 'cos duh soz whoever the fuck hope you don't interrupt] Jimmy: [is proving he can be stealth sometimes by not being loud af for once, well done boy] Janis: [again, not helpful, up in his ear telling him he's so good etc hush] Jimmy: [I'm just imagining whoever else is in there knowing what's up 100% and it's making me lol] Janis: Shit Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: I know Janis: I really do wanna say it though Jimmy: just whisper to me Jimmy: it's alright Janis: maybe you're better at being quiet Janis: just this once Jimmy: what was it you said? I'm clawing it back Jimmy: after yesterday Jimmy: gotta show you I'm still 🥇 Janis: you are Janis: to me Janis: for me Jimmy: [has to kiss her for a while because EMOTIONS] Janis: you're such a good kisser do it again Jimmy: [keeps kissing her so much] Janis: I still don't know how you make all of it feel so Jimmy: I love you Jimmy: that's how Janis: [has to kiss him 'cos same bitch] Jimmy: [okay but hear me out what if the bell rings] Janis: [😣] Janis: fuck sake Jimmy: it don't matter Jimmy: we have time Jimmy: you said Janis: you better think of a reason we're both late to maths then Janis: can't stay in here all period Jimmy: I want you to stay Jimmy: there's yours Jimmy: & I don't care Jimmy: that's mine Janis: You're Janis: [smiling appreciatively like] Janis: I love you Jimmy: show me Jimmy: then we'll go to maths Jimmy: maybe Janis: [does] Janis: feel it, baby? Jimmy: [tells her how much he does etc now that they are alone again] Janis: really gonna have to wear a skirt every day from now on Jimmy: are you mad about it? Janis: how could I be mad about this Janis: mad we can't just do this all day, sure Jimmy: we can Jimmy: who needs maths anyway Janis: teacher's a dick Janis: probably get sent straight out for being late Jimmy: good 'cause I ain't done any homework for him since I got here Jimmy: playing hard to get sir, soz Janis: [😂] Jimmy: you're so Jimmy: you should get sent out of every lesson for looking like that Jimmy: it's Janis: Sir probably isn't looking at me like you are Janis: 🤞 Jimmy: he better not be Jimmy: I'll knock him out Janis: not exactly competition is he, babe Jimmy: not the point Jimmy: you're my girlfriend Jimmy: [is doing the pulling her closer even though he can't thing again cos] Janis: [we know what it does when he says that] Jimmy: [is kissing her in a possessive manner excuse him] Janis: [living for it] Jimmy: [likewise] Janis: I'm Janis: I can't hold on Jimmy: let go Jimmy: I want you to Janis: you want me to cum Jimmy: I'm telling you to Janis: [does 'cos damn] Jimmy: [also does in like no time cos how hot that'd shamelessly be] Janis: well Jimmy: [is sorting his clothes out but halfheartedly cos giving her full eye contact] Jimmy: well Janis: [can't stop looking at him even though she's all 😳 too] Jimmy: [reaches & takes her hair down cos I assume it's up for school & he's that bitch like we see you boy just wanting to touch it & her] Janis: really Janis: it isn't obvious enough you just fucked my brains out, you gonna mess up my hair too Jimmy: [is just like 😏] Janis: you're a dickhead Janis: and we're so late Janis: [starts actually adjusting herself] Jimmy: [actually runs his fingers through her hair so it looks like a mood & then kisses her but in like a let's do this kind of way not a let's stay here forever way] Jimmy: so come on Janis: [hand-holding] Jimmy: [showing up at class like oh hey] Janis: [people aren't even gonna be coy about it it's that obvious so the teacher gonna be casually fuming at this disruption, no sitting next to each other lads] Jimmy: [Grace wants to kill herself cos casually also there hey girl] Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: what's the general consensus then, are we gross or are we legends Janis: can only hear big mouth in my ear Jimmy: I'm a legend Jimmy: you're Janis: 👍 Janis: 'course I am Jimmy: I'll shut everyone up Jimmy: fuck this Janis: don't bother Janis: only make 'em worse Jimmy: but Janis: I don't care Jimmy: I know you don't Janis: plus sir is about to snap so now's probably not the time to show what a good boyfriend you are regardless Jimmy: I don't care about that dickhead Janis: do what you must Janis: but rise to it then it becomes a thing and they'll 100% get your Dad in and I'd rather not Jimmy: [is 😒 but doesn't do anything cos knows she's right] Janis: I hate everyone at this fucking School Jimmy: me too Jimmy: everyone in this town really Janis: yeah Janis: agreed Jimmy: [Grace gets herself excused from class cos can't hack it 👍 good stuff] Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: agreed Janis: probably have the day off tomorrow too Janis: and I fucking can't Jimmy: we can skip Jimmy: if you want Janis: show them it got to me? Janis: don't think so Janis: not her Jimmy: show them we've got better things to do Jimmy: that's what our feed is for Janis: probably not Janis: enough scandal to be getting on with Jimmy: alright Janis: [actually doing her work] Jimmy: [isn't and is doodling blatantly instead] Janis: what're you drawing Jimmy: nowt decent Janis: not exactly best circumstances for inspiration to strike Janis: reckon you'll be forgiven Jimmy: what are you on about? Jimmy: got my muse right here Jimmy: been really inspiring she has Janis: 🙄 Janis: you don't want that rep Jimmy: what Janis: the weird anime kids that draw fucking not even soft really softcore all over their books Jimmy: this bunch of dickheads wish Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: not sure that's what they're dying to see from you Janis: 📷boy Jimmy: are you pissed off at me Janis: why would I be Jimmy: that's why I'm asking Jimmy: I don't know Janis: I ain't Jimmy: 👍 Janis: this lesson can go fuck itself though Jimmy: that's every lesson Janis: wish I could just quit sometimes Jimmy: #relatable Janis: 😒 Jimmy: I reckon I will though Jimmy: it's shitter here than my old school Janis: be alright if you had mates Janis: which assumedly you did Jimmy: yeah Janis: all schools are the same Janis: even posh ones Jimmy: didn't have to learn paddy lingo in my old one though Jimmy: such bollocks Jimmy: what am I gonna do with a month's worth of that Janis: make us all laugh with your attempts idk Janis: it's stupid Jimmy: if my interview goes alright & they gimme the job I could leave Janis: is that what you wanna do forever Jimmy: nah but it'll do for now Janis: you'll need some kind of school shit Jimmy: probably but that's to worry about in a bit Janis: your dad would never let you anyway so Jimmy: what's he gonna do, actually murder me? Janis: kick you out, probably Janis: part time barista ain't paying no rent Jimmy: not when he needs me to raise the other two he won't Jimmy: & I'd go full time if I didn't have school obviously Jimmy: much as they'd let me Janis: 🤷 Janis: whatever Jimmy: what's your issue? Jimmy: nowt's whatever with you Janis: what am I meant to say Janis: it ain't happening Janis: so Janis: it is whatever Janis: idk why we're even chatting about it Jimmy: see the future can you? Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you can't just leave, they aren't even meant to hire you Janis: there's laws, you know Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: like I said Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: it ain't my fault everyone's chatting shit Jimmy: don't be a dickhead to me Janis: did I say it was Jimmy: stop acting like it is Jimmy: it don't matter what you say Janis: then why are we talking Jimmy: right now I don't know Janis: #relatable Jimmy: piss off Janis: only funny when you say it? Jimmy: it weren't funny then Janis: not particularly Janis: no Jimmy: just leave it out Jimmy: you've been a dickhead since we came in Janis: couldn't exactly carry on as we were so Janis: what do you expect me to do Jimmy: yeah we could've Jimmy: & I expect you to not treat me like I'm one of 'em Janis: [is 'working'] Jimmy: bollocks are you gonna ignore me now Janis: what Janis: I'm trying to focus so I don't have to focus on them, if you don't mind Jimmy: well I do mind Janis: well what then Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: what did you think would Janis: I told you I don't care Jimmy: & I've told you loads that you're shit at pretending Janis: No I'm not Jimmy: you are Janis: nope Jimmy: stop Janis: why Janis: you wanted to talk now you don't Janis: make up your mind Jimmy: make up your mind Janis: I know my mind thank you very much Jimmy: then stop chatting shit & tell me what's on it Janis: seriously nothing but this worksheet Janis: they're just being loud that's all that's annoying about it Jimmy: [crumples up his worksheet & throws it from his seat to land in the bin cos over it] Jimmy: ����👍 Janis: alright showoff Jimmy: [doesn't reply cos the teacher is having a word like] Janis: absolute joke Jimmy: it's on the CV for all teachers that Janis: 😒 Janis: it's bullshit Jimmy: #relatable Janis: for fuck sake Jimmy: reckon it might get funnier each time I do it Jimmy: worth a go Janis: what else are you doing Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: thinking about going for a 🚬 Jimmy: you coming? Janis: you know that ain't happening Jimmy: you ain't gotta come with but Janis: you're alright Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: 👋 Jimmy: [gets up & the teacher's like UM EXCUSE YOU & he's like 'I'm going for a 🚬 sir, you fancy it?' & off he struts oh boy no] Janis: thanks a lot Jimmy: you were invited Jimmy: can't do nowt more Janis: no 'cos you get to be a legend again and I'm stuck here getting shouted at on your behalf like it's anything to do with me Jimmy: like you said, it's bullshit Janis: like I said, thanks Jimmy: like I said, in a bit then Janis: prick Jimmy: you wanna blame me anyway Jimmy: now you can Jimmy: you're welcome Janis: oh fuck off Jimmy: bit late Jimmy: I'm off Janis: shut up Jimmy: you can't make me from there Jimmy: always telling you Janis: you are infuriating Jimmy: you are Janis: you Jimmy: you Janis: this is just fucking stupid Jimmy: stop then Jimmy: focus on your work Janis: don't be patronizing Jimmy: It's what you said you wanted Jimmy: so do it Janis: I said that's what I was doing not what I wanted Janis: we all wanna just walk away but you can't Janis: you're as bad as her Janis: not talking about either of you negatively are they Janis: no Janis: but you two pussy out and I'm still sat here Jimmy: I ain't her & it ain't my fault she did what she did Jimmy: any of it Janis: don't matter Janis: ain't here either are you Jimmy: you shut me out ages before I left Jimmy: so nah, I ain't Jimmy: 'cause you know who else does that, if we're making bollocks comparisons Janis: what are you even talking about Jimmy: like you said, don't matter Janis: why bother saying it then Janis: go on Jimmy: why bother saying owt Jimmy: this whole lesson Janis: 'cos I wanted to talk to you, fucking hell Janis: excuse me for being in a bad mood when literally everyone is chatting shit to my face Jimmy: but you don't care, yeah Janis: I don't care but that doesn't mean I don't wanna shut them up, like I said, it's noise I don't need Jimmy: I said I'd shut 'em up Janis: yeah and you end up looking great again, you can't lose Janis: whatever the fuck you do Janis: I can't win Janis: end of Jimmy: I'm not in a fucking competition against you Jimmy: I wanna help you Janis: I don't need help Jimmy: then what do you care if I'm there or not Jimmy: fuck Janis: forget it Jimmy: you forget it Jimmy: you say I can't lose like I give a shit about any of those dickheads Jimmy: you ask me if it's about Mia when it's literally always been Jimmy: my dad is gonna kick off whatever I do Jimmy: that's the end of Jimmy: for me Janis: it wasn't my idea Jimmy: like I said, go on & blame me Jimmy: whatever Janis: I'm saying I'm not trying to get you in trouble with your Dad so don't say it like I am when I'm literally trying to do the opposite and stop you from getting in more trouble Janis: why did you think I didn't wanna come, for fuck's sake Jimmy: & I'm saying I could be a perfect angel & it wouldn't change owt 'cause there's always something with him Jimmy: it's never gonna be enough Jimmy: or about you Janis: I ain't saying it's about me Jimmy: just leave it out Janis: fine Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: save it for your worksheet Jimmy: riveting stuff that Janis: finished Janis: weren't that hard Janis: should've just done it Jimmy: get it out the bin for me if you're that 💔 Janis: 🖕 funny Jimmy: I'm serious, nerd Janis: you're so mean Jimmy: you still take 🥇 though, it's alright Janis: piss off Jimmy: again, I'm serious Jimmy: brutal you Janis: No you ain't Janis: you're never serious Jimmy: bollocks am I not Janis: name a time Jimmy: I'm serious about you all the time Janis: ew Janis: gay Jimmy: only for 👴 & a certain barista 💕 Janis: always good to keep track Janis: tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: who else you straight gay for then Jimmy: that keeps my 🍽 full Janis: 👍 Jimmy: why you gonna set me up or what? Janis: obviously not Janis: I said Janis: keeping track of it all Jimmy: alright nerd, calm down Janis: 🖕 hilarious Jimmy: yeah should've tweeted it Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: got plenty of time Janis: doesn't take that long to finish a 🚬 Jimmy: if you're only having 1 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: don't think so Janis: not with that mouth Jimmy: bit rude Janis: I am, apparently Jimmy: & you're also a bit late but Janis: ? Jimmy: there's nowhere my mouth ain't been on you by now, babe Janis: I meant now after however many you've just had and you know it, idiot Jimmy: you saying what you mean now? Janis: when was I not Jimmy: just keeping track Janis: 😑 Janis: stop being so annoying Jimmy: take your own advice, dickhead Janis: you're the dickhead Jimmy: it's you Janis: we aren't doing this again Jimmy: not if you shut up Janis: why should I shut up? Jimmy: 'cause you're the one being a dickhead Janis: I am not I'm trying to talk to you Jimmy: you're trying to chat shit to me Jimmy: I don't want it Janis: rude Jimmy: yeah well I've got a very inspiring muse so Janis: stop it Jimmy: why? Jimmy: what do you wanna say? Jimmy: what are you gonna? Janis: why do I have to have something Janis: we can't just talk now Janis: alright Jimmy: not when it's just bollocks Jimmy: really talk to me Janis: I'm trying Jimmy: go on Janis: sorry, alright Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: I shouldn't have walked out Jimmy: but Janis: don't blame you Jimmy: you should Jimmy: that was me Janis: I don't blame you for wanting to Jimmy: I do Jimmy: I fucked up Janis: no Janis: why Jimmy: I left you in there Jimmy: that's not Janis: it isn't like there's anything you can do Janis: or need to do Jimmy: I'm not having that Jimmy: just accepting that they're all dickheads to you Jimmy: I'm not your sister Janis: well this ain't just me, it'd be the same if it was any other girl yeah Janis: it ain't personal Jimmy: what they are saying is Jimmy: loads of it Janis: well what do they know Jimmy: they don't know you Jimmy: but I do & I'm sorry I was a massive dickhead, alright Janis: me too Janis: it's fine, it's alright Jimmy: I really fucking hate this place Janis: I know Janis: I do too Jimmy: let's just leave Jimmy: you've done it before Jimmy: you know how to Janis: what about the kids Jimmy: there's nowt I can say to that Jimmy: am I meant to wait 10 more years until he's not a kid Janis: exactly Janis: it's shit Jimmy: I didn't ask for this Jimmy: I don't want it Jimmy: she got to just Jimmy: & Ian's doing what? Janis: Yep Janis: if you gave less of a shit you could but Janis: I know you do Jimmy: how do you do it? Janis: it's different Janis: no one needs me, remember Jimmy: but that's bollocks Jimmy: I've met 'em Jimmy: they do Janis: nah, my parents have got plenty of kids and my silblings have got plenty of siblings Jimmy: it don't matter Jimmy: I've seen they give a shit Jimmy: so how do you not? Janis: it's not real Jimmy: what Janis: they just fake it too Janis: obligation, isn't it Jimmy: wish my dad had some of that Jimmy: or my mum did Janis: seems like he has some Janis: with the kids Jimmy: maybe Janis: it's all bullshit anyway Janis: family Jimmy: yeah Janis: but kids are different so you have to care Janis: like you said, what's Ian doing Jimmy: buying us a dog we don't want to gimme more bullshit to take care of Jimmy: that's his lot Jimmy: oh and fucking his way to finding us a new mum, can't forget that one Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: must be nice Jimmy: if you're into fucking middle aged women, probably Janis: eurgh Jimmy: waiting to see who he's got his eye on at parent teacher night Janis: actually making me feel ill Jimmy: don't throw up Jimmy: you've disgraced yourself enough for one school day Janis: win Mia 'round Janis: my goal always, obviously Jimmy: borrow her toothbrush or whatever she's got stashed Jimmy: #bonding Janis: 👍 Jimmy: just warn me so I don't watch it on her story Jimmy: tah Janis: I think we're not meant to know so Janis: probably on the secret finsta if anything, you're fine Jimmy: 💔 #purgepals could've really taken off Janis: we're all gutted me and her will never be Jimmy: one day we'll find the shrine Jimmy: & I'll be ready 📷 Janis: thanks for the #expose Jimmy: any time Janis: I'm such an idiot Jimmy: ? Janis: this whole mess Janis: sir said he's gonna talk to our parents so Janis: that won't be mortifying at all, tah everyone Jimmy: It's my fault, baby Janis: they wouldn't stop either he was already way more annoyed than he was letting on Jimmy: yeah but I started it by making you come into french Jimmy: & making us late for maths then Janis: I wanted to too Janis: I shouldn't have, sure but not like you forced me Jimmy: what's he even gonna say Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: I don't fucking know Janis: probably that he's concerned or some shit Jimmy: buckle in Ian & get your belt off ready to kick off Jimmy: it'd be so much more decent if he used his anger on sir instead Jimmy: 🍿 Janis: right Janis: this is gonna be Janis: shit Jimmy: or if they fell in love 'cause of the blatant #nohomo fueling their rage but Janis: don't think you want two dickhead dads Janis: not the dream Jimmy: I don't want a new mum either Jimmy: given up wishing far as he goes Janis: tell him he ain't allowed a girlfriend if you ain't Janis: see how that goes down Jimmy: that's why you're 🥇 Janis: was it really such a bad thing to do Jimmy: depends who you're asking Janis: you Jimmy: you know what my answer is Janis: i mean Janis: would your ex do that, would other girls Jimmy: my ex has done worse & he's called Barry so Jimmy: probably don't hold her up as an example Janis: great Jimmy: other girls would & have Jimmy: they just aren't as #goals as us so nobody cares Janis: it's exhausting Jimmy: put your head on the desk, girl Jimmy: how much more trouble can we get in Janis: may as well go home at this point Jimmy: I might Jimmy: unless you tell me to stay Janis: not going to make you Jimmy: but what do you want Janis: it's complicated Janis: I don't want to stay but I have to Janis: you know I always want to be with you Jimmy: if you have to stay then I'm staying Jimmy: with you Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: I'm never sorry that I wanna be around you, alright Janis: yeah but sorry you have to be here still Jimmy: I'd do worse for you Jimmy: you know Janis: I know Janis: swear to God Janis: not always this much of a fucking trial Janis: well Janis: maybe Janis: idk Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I love you Jimmy: so I don't care Janis: Promise Jimmy: I do Janis: I love you too Jimmy: you can tell me again when the teachers are done keeping us apart Jimmy: & making us even more #goals Janis: you're probably getting sent to seclusion Janis: so I really don't mind if you go, I swear Jimmy: I said I won't Jimmy: & I meant it Janis: okay Janis: might get sent out too Janis: can't send all of them out, can they really Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: we should go out tonight Jimmy: wherever you want Janis: sounds good Janis: 'til we can run away, like Jimmy: your mum & dad ain't gonna ban me, are they? 'cause I reckon it's better if I follow your lead & don't go to mine Janis: lol they can try Janis: when you elope at 15 and have a kid at 16 not really got a leg to stand on parenting wise Janis: why we're all so fucked, obvs Jimmy: it's weird they've been together since then Janis: I know Janis: think, well know because they're gross, that they still got to fuck around or it'd be mental Jimmy: I ain't gonna marry you or have a kid with you no matter how much the fans want it Jimmy: will fuck around though 👍 Janis: 😂 Janis: no you fucking ain't Jimmy: my dad would put me in the ground seriously Jimmy: only gonna approve of the last bit Janis: as much as I ain't arsed by you Janis: wouldn't wanna see you dead, like 💕 Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: say the nicest things you Janis: I know Janis: got a rep to maintain now Jimmy: I miss you Janis: Miss you too Jimmy: you gonna watch longingly as they drag me to seclusion then? Janis: obviously Janis: hold me back, sir Janis: really amp up the drama Jimmy: final kiss Jimmy: that'll make him a fan Janis: I wish Janis: I don't regret any of it, you know Jimmy: you don't have to wish Jimmy: like I said, how much more trouble can we get in Janis: this lesson is about to end so Janis: where are you Jimmy: I'll meet you on your way out Jimmy: hang on Janis: 👍 Janis: #goals Janis: gonna carry my books like Jimmy: carry you out of this shithole more like Janis: would be Janis: alas Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: damn compulsory schooling Jimmy: who's fucking idea was that? Jimmy: leave me down a mine Janis: 😂 Janis: life expectancy be even shiter but you'd be looking 🔥 Jimmy: die how I've lived 💪😎 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: can you feel how close by I am? #realgoals Janis: again, I wish Janis: not soz everyone Jimmy: I can burst in now for one final show if you like Jimmy: I'm basically there Janis: fuck it Janis: make it worth our while Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: [is & is glorious fuck you everyone you ain't seen nothing til you've seen this good day] Janis: [let's say she gets sent home anyway and he has half-day in seclusion 'cos teachers are shit like that] Jimmy: [later cos no phone for Jimothy] Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: where am I meeting you then? Janis: can you bring the dog and come park for a bit Janis: literally been stuck in my room all day 'cos she was here too Jimmy: alright, Juliet Jimmy: Cass might bring the boy too but Janis: s'alright Janis: don't hate him by default like you Jimmy: 👌 Janis: how many times did you wanna kill yourself then Jimmy: 💀💀💀💀💀 Jimmy: bout that many Jimmy: I thought about you loads though Jimmy: 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 Jimmy: that's my maths for the day like Janis: such a nerd Janis: hand that in and reckon you'll have redeemed yourself, babe Jimmy: back at 🥇 yeah Janis: not sure sir was ever that 😍 himself Janis: soz 💔 Janis: know he's your type and everything but Jimmy: why he's 🍋 bout you babe Jimmy: #goals for all not just the few Janis: you're cute, sure Janis: but not 🤓 enough for him Jimmy: I know Jimmy: just for you Jimmy: 💔 Janis: shut up Janis: I'm #goals too don't be fooled Jimmy: I ain't ever been Janis: good Janis: my DMs have never been so active Janis: fucking sly Janis: where was this #support earlier lads Jimmy: as soon as I got my phone back I wanted to turn it back off Jimmy: lasses please calm yourselves Janis: people are so Janis: can't even think of a word Jimmy: I don't know how they can be like oh Jimmy I'd never do that she's so Jimmy: but do you wanna get with me though Jimmy: & do what girl? Jimmy: our homework Janis: if you got better ideas, where were you earlier Janis: 🙄 Janis: woulda done a twitter poll if I knew the engagement would be this good Jimmy: gutted I never 💔💔 Jimmy: & I got a lass in my inbox doing an anti smoking campaign Jimmy: not joking Janis: 😂 Janis: gonna save you in all the ways, boy Janis: 🍀 you Jimmy: bit late love but crack on Jimmy: she ain't even said I should put summat else in my mouth Jimmy: come on Jimmy: it's easy Janis: eww Janis: who is it Janis: gonna sniper message 'em all like I'VE SEEN THE MESSAGES HOES Janis: really #goals Janis: #wwmd #tbh Jimmy: paddy name & face Jimmy: actually can't read it Janis: could be anyone Jimmy: [sends her the deets cos that bitch] Jimmy: who the fuck is she Jimmy: never seen her before in me life Janis: oh her Janis: she's in my biology class Janis: dark horse Janis: more of a virgin than me Jimmy: is that my rep now? Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: not gonna go round giving 'em all a decent go over Janis: 😑 Janis: can you not Janis: that was not my rep Jimmy: I'm only pissing about Jimmy: you got nowt to worry about Jimmy: you're Janis: don't worry, don't need to give me pillow talk Jimmy: don't need to but Janis: carry on if you're feeling it Janis: I'll be a while but am omw Jimmy: been feeling it since our #goodbye earlier Janis: yeah Janis: actually sad to see you go Janis: don't tell Jimmy: bit late Jimmy: already let the 🐶 know Jimmy: soz Janis: she's like yeah right Janis: know she misses me, boy Jimmy: 🥊 her for you Janis: so romantic, so manly and tough Jimmy: so #goals Jimmy: 🥇🥇🥇 Janis: not gonna argue Janis: soz Twix Jimmy: she's 💔💔 Janis: she's goals too Janis: not sure who's got more fans but we don't need to go there Jimmy: it's you babe Jimmy: #1 Janis: you know exactly what to say to stroke my ego 💕 Jimmy: I'd have loads of time to think about it Jimmy: had* Jimmy: & I told you, my head's been full of you Janis: Me too, as it goes Janis: more privacy though, thankfully Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: they coulda gimme some of that tah Janis: poor baby Janis: probably thinking we'd had enough for one day Jimmy: but that's bollocks Jimmy: I ain't Jimmy: I want more Janis: Incouragable, you Janis: but I feel it Jimmy: you will Janis: Boy Jimmy: girl Janis: ugh Jimmy: what Janis: you Janis: you're Janis: well you know Jimmy: I know you are Jimmy: that's why I'm Janis: distracted Janis: that's what I am Jimmy: where though? Jimmy: if you're on the bus you know what to do Janis: 😳 Janis: I am Jimmy: is it the driver we know & love? Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: of course Janis: the universe just wants everyone to know today Jimmy: or wants you to feel better after all that shit Janis: very hippie of you Janis: don't think the universe gives a shit 'bout me, babe but you're cute Jimmy: alright, shut up Jimmy: then I want you to Jimmy: busted Janis: 💕 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: I've missed you Janis: loads Jimmy: yeah? Janis: yeah Janis: like you said Janis: when we said goodbye Janis: you were so Jimmy: you Jimmy: I forgot where we even were Janis: I know Janis: I coulda just Janis: don't even care Jimmy: you can do whatever you want now Jimmy: it don't matter Janis: not exactly what I want Janis: you're not here but Jimmy: when you get here though Jimmy: just let me know Janis: okay Jimmy: til then, we can make it work Jimmy: [sends her a fire sext cos throwback] Janis: Jesus Janis: you should sell those Janis: people would hire you Jimmy: put the word out for me Jimmy: put the word out for me, girl Jimmy: but not right now Janis: no Janis: I'm gonna just Janis: for now Jimmy: 💕 Janis: we can do whatever tonight, yeah? Jimmy: I said Jimmy: whatever you want Janis: whatever it is I just wanna be alone with you for a while Janis: how does it feel like forever ago now Jimmy: we can Jimmy: 'cause it was ages Janis: long fucking day right Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: thinking of taking up that girl on her 🚭 Jimmy: I'm 💀 Janis: no 😡 Janis: I'll help Jimmy: you offering to be my new addiction, baby Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: 😏 duh Janis: idiot Jimmy: always gotta be 🥇 Jimmy: not enough to just be a muse Janis: you know I want it all Janis: not interested in sharing Jimmy: you know I want you to take it all Jimmy: like you said, it's been forever Janis: I Janis: now I don't know if I want this bus to speed up or slow down 'cos I'm really really enjoying missing you Jimmy: you've had ages to miss me Jimmy: I want you here Janis: tell me how bad Jimmy: I don't have words for it Jimmy: just Jimmy: really really really badly Janis: works for me Janis: try and encourage him to step on it, like Jimmy: please Janis: oh Janis: one more time Janis: for my encouragement Jimmy: baby please Janis: okay Janis: you could get me to do anything I swear Janis: how Janis: why Jimmy: you love me Janis: I do Janis: fuck sake Jimmy: I'll make it worth your while Jimmy: just like I did earlier Janis: you always do Janis: like I said, I should fucking hate you Jimmy: I hate you a bit Jimmy: it's alright Janis: show me Jimmy: okay Janis: 🥊 Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: might let you win Jimmy: I'm gonna win Jimmy: you'll see Janis: what does winner get Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: so I'm winning now Janis: 😏 Janis: so cocky one second ago Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: IF you did, what are you having Janis: you, first off Janis: then I'll have to get inventive Janis: let you know Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: don't think too hard 'cause I'll be 🥇 Janis: but it's fun Janis: you try Jimmy: you know I can't think when you're Jimmy: just Janis: think fast then Janis: 'fore I get there Jimmy: alright Janis: not against fighting dirty so Jimmy: 'course you ain't Jimmy: paddy rules is it Janis: dead honourable you Janis: 🙄 please Jimmy: you can get me to be if you keep saying that Jimmy: & owt else Jimmy: bit rude but Janis: baby Janis: how nice will you be? Jimmy: am I just getting the one please? Janis: have as many as you earn Janis: not just giving 'em away here Jimmy: there's your answer Jimmy: never backed off a challenge yet, have I? Janis: 🤔 Janis: trying to recall Jimmy: piss off Janis: just saying Janis: lots of challenges Jimmy: & I've done 'em Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Janis: I'm not Janis: I'm remembering shh Janis: leave me to my memories 👵 Jimmy: stop trying to turn me on with your memory loss Jimmy: 👵💕 Janis: know what you like baby Jimmy: prove it Janis: what do you think I've been doing this whole time Jimmy: what was it you said, I'm trying to recall Janis: you're such a dickhead Janis: keep my photographic evidence to myself then 👍 Jimmy: you can tweet it any time Jimmy: love a ban me Jimmy: 👍 Janis: oh yeah great idea, babe Janis: make myself even more popular Jimmy: that does gimme one though Jimmy: you should run my twitter for a bit Jimmy: how #goals that I trust you with all my passwords & access to my DMs Jimmy: the fans would be 😱😱😱 beside themselves Janis: 😏 how delusional that you trust me Janis: I'm down to make you regret it 😈 Jimmy: don't give a shit Jimmy: do your worst Janis: you're fun Janis: told you before Janis: also off the bus Janis: passing the CG 💔 Jimmy: gutted it's too late for me to carry you past Pete Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: trying to sneaky see if he's in there but the windows are tinted as fuck why Jimmy: #moodlighting Jimmy: makes him look sexy 💕 Janis: don't tempt me to carry on faking my amnesia Janis: walk in, pretend he's you Jimmy: your real goal this whole time Jimmy: I get it Janis: playing the long game Jimmy: if you'd said that was why you needed me to fuck you senseless I'd have gone harder like Jimmy: I know you're a romantic Jimmy: get your man, sweetheart Janis: 😍 Janis: that's what I get if I win Jimmy: Pete? Jimmy: 💔 but alright Janis: yep Janis: how confident are you REALLY, boy? Jimmy: confident my boy will stay loyal to me Jimmy: he don't want you, girl, soz Janis: 😣 Janis: hate you Janis: that's so mean Jimmy: I hate you more, baby 💕 Janis: go away Janis: I'm 💔 Jimmy: come here Jimmy: I'll fix it Janis: promises promises Jimmy: if I break it you can break my 💔 too Janis: swear it's a deal Jimmy: it's a deal, Juliet Janis: okay we still gotta shake on it but I'll keep walking, stop crying Jimmy: bit late Jimmy: but I'll dry my eyes Janis: 💕 Janis: he's such a homewrecker and he don't even know it Janis: write a song about that, babe Jimmy: he don't care either, too 😎 Janis: ugh, stop talking bout him Janis: so distracting, honestly Janis: bitch tryna walk here Jimmy: tell me about it, I'm around kids Jimmy: how dare he be such a god among rockstars Jimmy: 🤤🤤 Janis: that's a rep no one needs Janis: best behaviour Jimmy: 👌 Janis: one scandal at a time Jimmy: promises promises Janis: oh 'cos it was my idea Janis: mhmm Jimmy: your fault Jimmy: you're just so Janis: amazing? Janis: yeah Janis: true Jimmy: alright, yeah Jimmy: if you want Jimmy: dickhead Janis: you weren't finishing the sentence ever Janis: thought I would Janis: #goals init Jimmy: I'll finish it Jimmy: like I said, come here Janis: You better already be there Janis: coming into view and I'll be fuming if you leave me waiting Jimmy: I've been here ages Jimmy: you're the one who lives in the middle of fuck all Janis: I've asked for my own place Janis: not that rich, appaz 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: tell it to Pete's sympathetic ear over ☕ Janis: he isn't friendzoning me thank you very much Janis: we fucking or nothing Jimmy: get some patience then Jimmy: cause I saw him first Jimmy: keep saying it Janis: fine one to talk Jimmy: I've been here ages Jimmy: told you Janis: I see how it is Janis: will wait months for him Janis: I've got about half an hour and you're mardy Jimmy: he's #special remember Jimmy: you said it Janis: oh yeah and I am just a MASSIVE slag so Janis: fair 'nuff Jimmy: shut up Janis: whatever Janis: going shop Janis: want anything Jimmy: what happened to coming into view Janis: remembered I need something Janis: if that's alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: that's you're all good then or what Jimmy: I don't need nowt Janis: k Jimmy: do you want me to walk over? Janis: can do Janis: only getting smokes though so Jimmy: gimme a sec Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [appears after longer than a sec but still not very long 'cause not far] Janis: [loitering in the shop, nods like sup] Jimmy: [gives a look as if to say what kind of greeting is that before going over & kissing her 'cause extra like that] Janis: [gives him a look like 'oh so you like me now?' 'cos drama queen] Jimmy: what's that look for Janis: 😒 Janis: be nice Jimmy: what's it for? Jimmy: I have been nice, ain't I? Jimmy: [kisses her again but soft] Janis: [bites lip] Janis: Probably Janis: *her own Janis: I'm still in a mood Janis: I don't know why Jimmy: [gives her a long hug] Janis: [lets it happen for a while but isn't fully into it because mad at self] Janis: it's stupid, come on Jimmy: [shakes his head but takes her hand cos okay babe] Janis: [gets cigs and lighter 'cos wants her own] Janis: both kids with you? Jimmy: Cass has got the dog why you can't hear her #drama right now Jimmy: she's off in a bit though Jimmy: mates to see Janis: Oh good to know Janis: starting to feel #unloved here Janis: 👌 alright for some init Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: 🤞 she'll take the boy back first so I can avoid Ian as planned Janis: [kicks floor] Janis: probably called him at lunch, when they usually do it Jimmy: [shrugs but is obviously thinking about it & bothered] Janis: gotta think of a plan Janis: to not get in so much trouble whilst still doing what we wanna Jimmy: if what you wanna do is piss everyone off there's no way Janis: is that what you wanna do? Jimmy: it's what the deal was Jimmy: get their attention you also get his Janis: that's Janis: that isn't what it is Janis: [paying and leaving shop] Jimmy: when Janis: what do you mean Jimmy: when is that not been what it's about Janis: [is like um what the fuck] Janis: literally what Jimmy: not an answer Janis: I get it, you need someone to blame Janis: fine Jimmy: that ain't what I said or meant Janis: I know what you said Janis: yeah, just one big attention grab, all of this Janis: cool Jimmy: how is it not Janis: I don't need this Janis: [is walking off duh] Jimmy: talk to me Janis: Literally why would I want to Janis: no fucking audience, is there Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Janis: me Janis: seriously Janis: fuck off Jimmy: you Jimmy: seriously Jimmy: you can't get pissed off at me for this Janis: yes I fucking can Janis: you know what this is why are you even Janis: why would you say that shit Jimmy: 'cause you're chatting about changing the rules like it's ever been about just us Jimmy: loads of the shit we do is for them Janis: you're so fucked Jimmy: why 'cause I'm pointing about how & why this came about? Jimmy: why shit happens Jimmy: you wouldn't have come into french if they hadn't been there Janis: sure Jimmy: & you're gonna chat like them too now? Jimmy: you wanted 'em to react you can't be pissed off at 'em for doing exactly what you knew they would Jimmy: same as me & my dad Janis: I'm not pissed off at them Janis: and if you want what your Dad's got then that's your own shit to deal with isn't it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: fucking hell Jimmy: what Janis: play ignorant Janis: you know what Jimmy: you reckon I'm saying all this is fake or for their benefit Jimmy: I ain't & weren't Jimmy: so calm down Janis: do not tell me to calm down Janis: you don't get to say all that and then say that Jimmy: all what? Jimmy: all day you've been acting hard done by Jimmy: all I said is don't Janis: actually go away Jimmy: no Janis: I have no desire to clue you in if this is actually what you think so Jimmy: you had no desire to clue me in anyway Jimmy: that ain't my fault Jimmy: like you said, that's your own shit to deal with Janis: what, what do you wanna know so bad Janis: you're chatting total shit Jimmy: & you're not Jimmy: alright Janis: no, I'm not Jimmy: whatever Jimmy: have it like that Janis: I will Janis: we've clearly been having different conversations Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: hard to tell when you keep switching Janis: I've switched Janis: okay Janis: whatever, guess after three times this isn't so much switching as just what you do Jimmy: what are you on about? Jimmy: what the fuck have I done? Janis: you're doing it again Janis: right after Janis: I literally can't do this right now Jimmy: all I'm doing is trying to figure you out Jimmy: 'cause one sec you couldn't need to see me more & the next you're hanging round the shop for ages & couldn't give less of a fuck if I'm there or not Jimmy: & that's just right now Janis: I just wanted to get a fucking cigarette alright Jimmy: [gives her his, angrily] Jimmy: here Janis: [can't not take it but let's it burn for ages not smoking 'cos petty] Jimmy: this whole day you've been Jimmy: & I'm the dickhead for trying to talk to you about it Janis: Well excuse me for not wanting to talk when all you're doing is chatting shit on me Jimmy: excuse me for trying to get a fucking reaction Jimmy: 'cause it's like Jimmy: such bollocks by now Janis: you happy? Janis: good Jimmy: 👍 Janis: so pleased for you Jimmy: piss off Janis: gladly Janis: [bows and stamps out the finished cig like bye] Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: so you can walk away from me again, yeah Jimmy: & I can't say or do nowt Janis: you haven't said enough yet? Jimmy: not an answer that Janis: not a question, was it Jimmy: don't do this Janis: you Janis: you did this Janis: but no Janis: why did I come all the way here Janis: 'cos I don't fucking see Mia about and that's the only reason I'd bother right Janis: you fucking Jimmy: I didn't say that Jimmy: or if I did I didn't mean it like Jimmy: fuck Jimmy: come on Janis: literally what you said Janis: and you kept repeating it so I know you meant it Jimmy: I said, don't act like she's not relevant Jimmy: that pissing her & my dad off isn't part of this Jimmy: that's all Janis: you reckon you don't need to do anything to piss your dad off Janis: but cool Janis: let me know next time what we're doing and I'll actually try Janis: instead of trying to not get you in more shit Janis: silly me Jimmy: just 'cause I don't have to do owt don't mean I don't want to Jimmy: I hate him, alright Janis: I know Jimmy: & I love you Jimmy: you know that Janis: do what you want but I've got no interest helping you get beat up Janis: and I'm not sorry about that Jimmy: It's not like I want that Jimmy: I just Janis: Me either so Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: it proves something about him to me Jimmy: & about her too Janis: your Mum? Jimmy: why she's not here Janis: 'cos he's such a cunt Jimmy: it's a reason Jimmy: more than she gave me Janis: I thought it was the reason Jimmy: she was a cunt too though Jimmy: they were both just Janis: yeah and who wants to be with someone as shitty as themself Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: come back Janis: I can't just Jimmy: please Janis: [does] Jimmy: what can I do? Jimmy: you know I will Janis: you Janis: I just wanted to see you Janis: why do you think I want attention Janis: tell me that Jimmy: I'm not saying you're Jimmy: it's just part of this now Jimmy: we can't undo it Jimmy: so we play up to it, still Janis: they're never going to just ignore me Janis: that's not going to happen Janis: it isn't about what I want it's just facts Jimmy: I know Janis: and for the record I wish they would Janis: I thought you knew that Jimmy: I do Jimmy: I'm that much of a dickhead Jimmy: it got away from me, what I said Jimmy: not* Janis: [just nods] Jimmy: everything I said, it weren't about you Jimmy: it was about me Janis: well that's a bit far fetched Jimmy: why Janis: because some of that shit was pretty personal Janis: I know when I'm being #attacked Jimmy: yeah but it's my fucking issue that I go off the deep end any time I think you're pulling away from me Jimmy: same as it's my issue that I want my dad to react differently every time but I also don't Jimmy: that one don't even make sense Janis: I didn't wanna talk shit about the whole Dad issue Janis: sorry Janis: I wasn't even trying to go there Jimmy: It's not your fault Jimmy: it's not your damage Jimmy: it's mine Jimmy: I always do this, you said it Janis: Alright Janis: there's plenty of shit I always do Janis: hardly blameless Jimmy: so can I fix this or what Janis: of course Janis: not null and voiding my catchphrase Janis: rude Jimmy: how then Janis: At least I know where you were coming from, what you were trying to say now Janis: that helps Jimmy: I'm never just trying to be a dickhead Jimmy: not to you Jimmy: there's a Jimmy: there's something Janis: Yeah Janis: I do know Janis: it just Janis: scares me Janis: I guess Janis: when you do that Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: I don't mean to Jimmy: but I get scared I just Jimmy: it's the same with my dad, he hurts me, I hurt him back Janis: it makes sense Janis: its reactionary Janis: but why were you scared Jimmy: I thought you were pissed off with me Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: that you didn't want me around Janis: that's all I want Janis: are we bad at this Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: but I don't wanna be having a go with anyone else so Janis: me either Jimmy: & I'm better with you than I was with my ex Jimmy: you can ask her she'll happily send that rant Janis: I'm good Janis: no better at #womenssolidarity Jimmy: [does a little lol] Jimmy: you are good Jimmy: & all I want too Jimmy: in case the memory loss is back after everything I just said Janis: [looks up] Janis: just say it's real Jimmy: It's the realest thing I've ever felt, alright Janis: alright Janis: [kiss] Jimmy: that's why I get scared all the time Jimmy: 'cause you matter & I'm too used to shit that don't Jimmy: or can't Janis: I remember Janis: I'm scared too Janis: for the record Janis: deny it if you tell Twix but Jimmy: [does another little lol] Jimmy: I won't Jimmy: fucked up enough for one day Janis: we both did Janis: it was the plan, regardless why Janis: [pulls his head in to rest on her shoulder] Jimmy: [stays like that for a bit but also says ILY out loud, but soft] Janis: [says it back into his hair like] Jimmy was timed out 2 days ago Jimmy joined the chat 2 days ago Jimmy: [goes for the kind of long hug he was going for earlier but it's closer & just more cos he's a clingy soft soul and he done fucked up] Janis: [does the trying to get closer but can't thing] Jimmy: [is still holding onto her for ages but also just doing little kisses wherever he can like] Janis: probably gotta move Janis: or your sister is gonna be fuming Jimmy: [shakes his head & carries on 'cause no chill] Jimmy: she usually is Janis: [😏 face, gives him a proper kiss for encouragement] Janis: we can do this at the park Jimmy: & you reckon you don't want her to be fuming Jimmy: [but handholding & walking] Janis: she might be so morally offended she has to take Bobby home Janis: always thinking, me Jimmy: top one, nerd 💕 Janis: I know Janis: wasted on that School Jimmy: this town Janis: [squeezes his hand] Jimmy: [more handholding & walking 'cause not far to the park you can do this lads] Janis: [and you're there, no stopping for a makeout sesh or anything well done yous, Bobby being like 'let's go to yours!' 'cos he loves it] Jimmy: [Twix trying to trip them both up 'cause she's an extra queen] Janis: [giving Twix the love she desires and deserves and pushing Bobby on the swing 'cos compromise] Jimmy: [is chatting to Cass cos big brother duties never end] Janis: [is looking at him with love] Jimmy: [is helping Cass with her bike chain or something cos shit bike am I right? but keeps looking over at her likewise] Jimmy: swap with me I can't fix this Janis: you just don't wanna get dirty 👸 Janis: but 👌 Jimmy: [kisses her on the swap over cos blatantly using that excuse too even though Cass is like 😒] Janis: [lols at Cass like 🤷 but wins it back by being more competent help] Jimmy: [Bobby is just chatting away about the Cali gaff while he's pushing him cos fave place ever excuse me while I sob like] Janis: [Cass having to give Twix love 'cos she's like why does no one love me please] Janis: can tell who hasn't trained that dog, like Jimmy: one job, babe Jimmy: sort it out Jimmy: so easily distracted you Jimmy: [looks at her in a very distracting way to prove his point] Janis: sabotage, that is Jimmy: what are you gonna do about it then? Janis: 🤔 Janis: Decisions, decisions Jimmy: [keeps looking at her while she's 'deciding' Janis: tell you when it's just you and me Jimmy: I'll remind you Janis: I'm not gonna forget Jimmy: memory loss gone is it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you're gutted, I know Jimmy: 💔 me Jimmy: can't you tell Janis: I'll fix it Janis: 🛠 me Jimmy: I know what you are Janis: should I be worried? Jimmy: nah Janis: did sound a bit like you were threatening to #expose me so Jimmy: one sec away from a twitter blast at all times me Jimmy: but Janis: shouldn't be trusted with an @ you Jimmy: it'll be in your hands anyway remember Janis: oh yeah Janis: gonna use my powers for good, obvs Jimmy: [sends her the deets] Jimmy: go on Janis: ooh Janis: lemme think of a masterpiece Janis: not Pete, this shit doesn't just come natural 💔 Jimmy: it's okay you're the art, babe Janis: just spam my face Janis: you do enough of that, babe 😉 Jimmy: you complaining about being my muse now? Janis: nah Janis: complimenting how 💪 and 🎨 you are Jimmy: good save Janis: thanks Janis: natural reflexes Jimmy: #relatable Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: not that I'm a goalie, tah Jimmy: so what is your position? Janis: 😏 I don't play on the footie team anymore Janis: was not doing wonders for the gay thing Janis: I'm point guard and captain of 🏀 still though Jimmy: we can still play ⚽ though Jimmy: we're really popular it'll be easy to get a team together Jimmy: also how is that less gay? Janis: 1. as much as they say they DON'T wanna fuck you in the toilets, I don't think what they REALLY want is to play footie with you Janis: 2. rude, fuck you Janis: 3. but idk? 'cos I'm tall and black-ish it's allowed Jimmy: 😂 Janis: poor girls, think you're hitting 'em back in the DMs like 😍 and you're just like are you a decent centre back or nah Jimmy: when your next game then, gotta find some pom poms Jimmy: be 😍 myself Janis: 😒 can joke but you would be, I'm great Janis: next tuesday 👍 shave ur legs Jimmy: I'm serious about cheering you on Jimmy: 👌 prepare your own 😍 for how I look Janis: 😂 Jimmy: I'll get Pete to pen you a decent cheer Jimmy: not my 🎨 Janis: bet he's really anti organized sport Janis: looks the type Jimmy: you'll be his #exception though Jimmy: make him break all his rules Jimmy: 💕 Janis: how american teen drama Janis: i'm the jock, he's the misfit Jimmy: the #goals by which all are measured Jimmy: 🥇 baby Jimmy: I'm the popular lad you should be with but you're too much of a dickhead to see it Jimmy: 💔 Janis: You ain't like the others, are you babe? Janis: so tragic Jimmy: I'm #sensitive Jimmy: & you're missing out, girl Jimmy: be nice & go through my DMs to find your replacement before you bag Pete, yeah Janis: sure there's some nerd girl in here ready to show you what you're missing Janis: full set then Jimmy: well chuffed with that for me Janis: calm your enthusiasm 'til I'm gone, thank you Janis: bloody rude Jimmy: but I have so much enthusiasm right now Janis: can feel it Janis: you've nearly tipped him out that swing Jimmy: come here Jimmy: feel it more Janis: okay, okay Janis: we can have a doomed love affair Jimmy: you've got the name for it, Juliet Jimmy: must be fate Janis: we can't change yours though it'll fuck with the couple name Jimmy: you said it suits me anyway Janis: yeah Janis: I like it Janis: readable, pronouncable, puts you ahead of half the class Jimmy: #paddyproblems Janis: #antisocialproblems Janis: really coulda learned them by now but you know Janis: better things Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [comes over finally 'cos gotta keep him waiting] Jimmy: [kisses her like it's been years instead of however many minutes calm down boy] Janis: 🤤 Janis: should make you miss me more Jimmy: not a challenge Jimmy: but it kinda sounds like a threat Jimmy: steady on Jimmy: not over the last 💔 Janis: we can just pretend then Janis: on this one thing Jimmy: [kisses her again cos he just wants to & has a lot of feelings] Jimmy: I have missed you Jimmy: I don't need to pretend Janis: Me too Janis: sorry I was so Janis: gone Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: everyone was really going some to be bigger dickheads than usual Janis: like you said though, what did I expect Janis: it's that, I just wanted to do it, it wasn't actually about them Jimmy: it don't make it alright, that's what I never said Jimmy: & I didn't have to make shit about them that weren't either Jimmy: 'cause I know Janis: I can handle them, it's when that's not the best thing to do I struggle Janis: when I can't just give 'em a smack or chew them out 'cos that just makes me look Janis: As long as you do Janis: I didn't even want to come in to French remember Jimmy: I really do Jimmy: I swear Jimmy: & it weren't about them for me either Jimmy: I just wanted to see you Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: you know you make everything less shit Jimmy: & french is like Jimmy: up there with the paddy lingo for shit I don't get or need Janis: don't they know your words are reserved for only me Janis: and in...some kind of english Jimmy: [does a lol] Janis: You're so pretty Janis: let's be mates Jimmy: why you always friendzoning me, mate? Jimmy: [kisses her again sorry everyone] Janis: you were never not my boyfriend, were you Jimmy: nah Jimmy: that's your issue then you wanna be BFFs? Jimmy: I'll get you a necklace, hang on Janis: #whenhebuysyoujewelry Jimmy: [is literally buying them on his phone as we speak the little shit so he can give it to her at school in a few days remind me] Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: shit at emojis you Jimmy: 😎 Janis: 🖕 Janis: oops Janis: my bad Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [is giving her a grumpy face but trying not to lol obvs] Janis: can we just stay in tonight Janis: not the best use of doing anything I want I know but Janis: kinda knackered Jimmy: yeah Janis: you don't mind? Jimmy: it's whatever you want Jimmy: I said Janis: well don't want you to be 😪 Jimmy: I wanna be with you Jimmy: nowt else Janis: that's alright then Janis: sick of other people today Jimmy: most #relatable you've been today Janis: it's a skill Janis: underrated one at that Jimmy: is there owt you can't do, girl? Janis: nope Jimmy: 👍 Janis: thanks for not coming back at me with a WELL Janis: not today, boy Jimmy: didn't fancy a smack Janis: you know I won't anyway Janis: also, the hitlist is pretty long today so smug to think you're 🥇 Jimmy: I am though Janis: Really? Janis: [playfight moment] Jimmy: [which then turns into kissing 'cause gotta distract her from him losing again] Janis: I love you Jimmy: can we be alone yet Jimmy: I just want Jimmy: it to be me & you Janis: I dunno, Cass is probably as keen to go so Janis: 🤞 ask for us Jimmy: what time is it? Maybe Ian'll bother to be home on time thinking he can bollock me for today Janis: it is like 6.30 now so Janis: time they're home Janis: she can text us and yay or nay, yeah? Jimmy: I'll send 'em off Jimmy: he'll be there Janis: when you're reliable in all the worst ways 💕 Jimmy: he takes #goals to a new level, he truly does Jimmy: [does send the kids & dog off cos literally not far & sits on a swing cos cool kid lol] Janis: wanna push? Jimmy: [pulls her into his lap instead 'cause she always sitting there & it's a mood] Janis: ain't done this in a while Jimmy: you're welcome then Janis: you ever try and swing over the top of the bar Jimmy: only every time Janis: good Janis: have to push you off for being lame otherwise Janis: whadya reckon we thought would happen though, honestly Jimmy: I don't reckon I thought about it Jimmy: I just remember my mum being like don't so I did Janis: 😎 Janis: sounds about right Jimmy: Cass always used to jump off Jimmy: still would if she weren't too 😎 for swings now Janis: 'Course Janis: my sister broke her ankle doing that, always weak after that Jimmy: sounds like the kind of bollocks my mum was chatting Jimmy: not summat that'd actually happen Janis: that kind of shit always happened to her Janis: casual cautionary tale for us all Jimmy: Bob's that kid too Jimmy: any remote chance of him falling off or onto some shit he will Janis: 🙄 Poor bub Janis: least it probably deters him from doing completely dumb shit Jimmy: could be my fault, first time he asked me how I got fucked up I told him I fell over Jimmy: loves to copy me so Janis: could be Janis: or he's just clumsy Jimmy: we'll go with that Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not gotta take on anything else, like Janis: though I did tell gracie it was her fault my brother was deaf so Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: was it? Janis: 😂 Janis: sadly not, the guilt trip of that would be 👌 Janis: he had meningitis Jimmy: not quick enough with the glass test, Grace Jimmy: sort it out Janis: [is loling] Jimmy: [is heart eyes cos she looks cute when] Janis: [pulls face like wot] Jimmy: [more kissing cos why not] Janis: [stroking his cheeks like ugh] Janis: it's rude to be this cute you know Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: you're really rude Jimmy: I know Janis: 😎 Janis: just a couple of cool kids Jimmy: thought I was a nerd Jimmy: make your mind up Janis: thought so but you did the swing thing too so you know Janis: retroactive cool points Jimmy: all it takes, yeah Jimmy: alriight Janis: no one out here saying how hard it is rn Janis: you should know Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: give you that Janis: [shoves him but not off 'cos they don't both need to fall] Jimmy: [looks at her like oi but is smirky] Janis: dickhead Janis: just 'cos I'm swinging with you still, don't think I like you Jimmy: I don't think you like me Jimmy: I think you love me Janis: 😑 Jimmy: deny it Jimmy: go on Janis: [is looking at him like challenging but obvs doesn't say anything] Jimmy: [tickles her 'cause he's a little shit] Jimmy: I said go on Janis: [only got yourself to blame for all this squirming boy] Jimmy: you hate me so much, yeah Janis: not gonna say what you want Janis: so nah, complete ambivalance Jimmy: [cue make out session] Jimmy: feels like it Jimmy: 👍 job Jimmy: got nowt from you then Janis: shut up Janis: you're a crap liar Jimmy: you want me to be a decent one? Janis: when are you lying to me actual Jimmy: I don't Janis: then it don't matter Jimmy: do you wanna go home? Janis: not really but I do wanna be alone with you Jimmy: we could ride the bus until the driver can't handle how horny he is Janis: 😂 Janis: making the most of this bus pass Jimmy: tips and tricks I learned from Doris in my CG days Jimmy: 👵💕 Janis: fuck being over 60 she's been riding for free for time, know what I'm sayin' Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: [does a lol] Janis: we can go back to mine though forreal Janis: gotta prove I don't need any audience Janis: not even a grumpy middle-aged man Jimmy: [kisses her really hard] Jimmy: you don't have to prove anything Jimmy: but Janis: but, you wanna Jimmy: I want you Jimmy: whoever's watching Jimmy: or not Janis: you know you got me Janis: how many times have I told you Jimmy: tell me some more Jimmy: fuck it just Jimmy: show me more Janis: [use that swing to your full advantage babe] Jimmy: [let's just give them a moment like] Janis: well fuck Jimmy: I Jimmy: agreed Janis: see why people buy these Janis: though where do you put it when you've got company Jimmy: depends if you want 'em to join or not I suppose Janis: k if I give you the signal you gotta go hide it 'cos not feeling it Jimmy: 👌 Janis: nothing worse than having to be like not with u tho soz x Jimmy: done that a load, have you? Janis: all the time Janis: when I'm entertaining Jimmy: tah for letting me know Jimmy: be ready for the invite now Janis: all hors d'oeuvre and swinging me Janis: 70s housewife Jimmy: what the fuck are they though? Jimmy: who was like yeah I'm gonna just Janis: 70s housewives, probably Janis: lot of free time Janis: strange ideas about food on cocktail sticks Jimmy: loads of drugs Jimmy: & blokes they wanted to fuck up with a cocktail stick to the eye Janis: 😂 or pass off on their friend with the hot husband Janis: like have fun Jimmy: nearly makes me wish I had a few mates Janis: well idk how we're gonna fill up our free time otherwise, babe Jimmy: better get that job & cut mine down then Janis: I'll get a fucking vallium prescription Janis: get someone else to impregnate me since you won't Jimmy: Pete will volunteer & get it done Jimmy: work of only an afternoon for a super stud like him Jimmy: 💕 Janis: look enough alike we can fool you/the world Janis: soz but if I don't have two kids driving me crazy this whole bit don't work Jimmy: piss off do I look like him Janis: 😂 Janis: take the compliment Jimmy: [is pouting] Janis: [forever gonna bite a pouty lip] Janis: you're actually better looking if we're being real but shh Janis: he's the love of all our lives Jimmy: hang on, I need my twitter back for a sec Jimmy: need to let him know Janis: so rude Janis: you can't start real beef over imaginary 😍 Jimmy: so what can I start? Jimmy: [kisses her cos saucy behavior is the answer] Janis: only if you intend to finish it too Jimmy: when have I ever not Janis: got me there Jimmy: I'll get you there, baby Jimmy: you know I will Janis: Please Jimmy: [can't resist a please as we know so just casually touching her RIP the school skirt she would have changed out of but still doing his best anyway what a trooper] Janis: [taking time to kiss every hickey she had previously made] Jimmy: that's Jimmy: how does it feel so Janis: 'cos the skin is sensitive Janis: even a little touch is Jimmy: [touching her everywhere that's sensitive too wink wonk] Janis: Jim Jimmy: ? Janis: [moves closer] Jimmy: [goes harder for her cos the love is real bitch] Janis: [When you can be lowkey loud 'cos who at this park rn] Jimmy: [kissing her everywhere but not on the mouth cos wanna hear that lol] Janis: I want you so much Jimmy: [says her name out loud as he continues cos same] Janis: you remembered Jimmy: you're being very inspiring so Janis: you Janis: you know I can feel you like this Jimmy: [moves so she can feel that] Jimmy: yeah Janis: ['Baby'] Jimmy: [does it again but more] Janis: I want that Janis: but more Jimmy: [isn't gonna refuse cos no chill oh boy how are you getting away with this rn & always] Janis: God Janis: that's Jimmy: I know Janis: I missed you Janis: like this Jimmy: I missed you too, baby Janis: how was the bathroom even the same day as now Jimmy: it literally feels like weeks ago Jimmy: & I've never felt this much like Janis: It was a joke but if we couldn't, if you left Janis: I think I'd have actual withdrawals Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: I did feel like I was 💀 without you in french Jimmy: seriously Janis: I know Janis: it makes the day go even slower Jimmy: you're in my head constantly Jimmy: it was a 🚭 joke but can't get enough of you Jimmy: [goes harder cos true] Janis: then we don't ever have to stop Janis: fuck me forever Jimmy: [so many kisses cos that's a yes from him] Janis: this would be so shit with anyone else, wouldn't it Jimmy: yeah Janis: I believe you Janis: but don't need to, I just know it would be Jimmy: not to keep #dragging my ex when you don't even know her but Jimmy: everything was different Jimmy: & not 👍 different Jimmy: you know Janis: yeah Janis: I know I never but Janis: the stuff I did was Janis: well I felt nothing but even the way other people chat about it Janis: doesn't sound like this ever Jimmy: & it's not just this Jimmy: I couldn't chat to her like we do Jimmy: anyone Janis: me either Janis: even before Jimmy: she knew things 'cause she was there for them but Jimmy: she never asked me nowt about it Jimmy: how I felt about anything Jimmy: you just Janis: sounds like she had her own shit but still Janis: everyone's always too afraid to ask Janis: or just don't give a shit Jimmy: you do too Jimmy: but I don't know Jimmy: you don't shut up until it's real, do you Jimmy: so Janis: what do you mean Jimmy: I can't just get away with pretending shit Jimmy: even when that was literally the plan & the deal Jimmy: you were like Jimmy: you get it Janis: I know I probably should have let you Janis: but Janis: I mean obviously I don't regret it with you, us Janis: but I can't stand bullshit from anyone Janis: and there's so much of it, from everyone, all the time Jimmy: & I told you I can't either Jimmy: I'm surrounded by bollocks Jimmy: work, home, school Janis: You get it, too Janis: it's constant Jimmy: & exhausting Jimmy: I'd rather give my energy to you Jimmy: that's nowt pointless Janis: I'll take it Janis: I wanna Jimmy: go on Janis: [kissing to slightly cover how hard they going now] Jimmy: fuck Jimmy: don't let me fall off & I won't let you Janis: okay baby Janis: but if we do end up on the floor it ain't the first time Jimmy: it'd be a softer landing than some Jimmy: but it feels so good like this Jimmy: we have to just Janis: match rhythm Jimmy: don't be a nerd about it, but Janis: piss off, this nerd is about to make you cum so Jimmy: [laughs but where's the lie] Janis: you kill me when you look like that Jimmy: like what Janis: when you laugh or smile or Janis: happy, I guess Janis: looks good on you Jimmy: [has to kiss her cos 1. same bitch but also 2. emotions] Jimmy: you look good on me Janis: glad you agree Janis: 'cos I ain't going anywhere right now thanks Jimmy: you're so fucking beautiful, Janis Jimmy: bit rude honestly Janis: [can't even look at him 'cos] Jimmy: [makes her look at him 'cause hot eye contact ftw] Jimmy: you are Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: fuck Jimmy: I know you can more than a few words, yeah Jimmy: so just Janis: You know what your words do to me though Jimmy: I feel it Jimmy: you Janis: the way you feel inside me Janis: I Janis: I can't even try to describe Jimmy: there ain't never gonna be words for this Jimmy: us Janis: don't need one Janis: just you Jimmy: you've got me Jimmy: forever you said Janis: yeah Janis: I just don't like to think about endings when it feels like this Jimmy: you don't have to Jimmy: but you need to end this Jimmy: right here Jimmy: or we'll 💀 Jimmy: probably get nabbed by the 👮 too eventually Janis: is 💕 such a crime, officer? Janis: [goes in though 'cos yes] Jimmy: [is being loud soz everyone] Janis: ['tell me baby'] Jimmy: [tells her that he really fucking loves her & needs her even more] Janis: [is trying to get closer, holding him tight against her and inside her, right in his ear as she cums] Jimmy: [is always trying to get closer forever too so DYING RN] Janis: how did that feel Jimmy: I Jimmy: 🥇 that's it Jimmy: all there is to say Janis: good enough for me Janis: fucking hell Janis: surprised if they couldn't hear that from yours Jimmy: really endear Ian to you that Janis: I wish you didn't have to go home Janis: ever Janis: to him Janis: the kids are fine, no offence babes Jimmy: I don't Jimmy: it's only ever to them Jimmy: for them Jimmy: whatever Janis: I know Janis: but Janis: meh Janis: [rests chin on his shoulder] Jimmy: he's called me loads since I sent 'em back Janis: had time to think of some killer lines and he's still gonna lead w 🥊 Janis: do better, Ian Jimmy: can I stay at yours for a bit Jimmy: it'll probably make him more fuming but Janis: Yeah Janis: any time Janis: but actually mean it, not a throwaway comment Jimmy: [kisses her cos he knows] Janis: [ily] Jimmy: we should go Jimmy: if you can move Janis: just glad I'm not wearing the skirt right now Jimmy: personally I'm gutted to see it go but Janis: it'll be back tomorrow morning but trust you don't wanna explain why I'm coming home with cum dripping down my legs any more than I do Jimmy: soz that I'm too northern for the paddy's #1 trusted pull out method we're all 💔💔 Janis: you're alright, every sperm is sacred and all that Janis: fucking clearly in this fam Janis: I'm the one gunning 'em down Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: tah for breaking the mold babe Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 🙇 Janis: some cunts gotta at some point Janis: actual joke Jimmy: I ain't gonna ask how many nieces & nephews you've already got Jimmy: dickheads at school have painted me a picture & it ain't 🎨 Janis: 🙄 don't honestly Janis: can't even blame them, that's the shitty thing Janis: like yeah lads, I agree but ain't my fault or problem so Jimmy: who's next, Gracie, your hippie brother or the dickhead one? Janis: hmm 🤔 Janis: Iggy would probably father a child and then just forget to tell us like oh yeah well we're raising it like a spartan so I just left it up top of the mountains so Janis: Pablo is defs a forcing an abortion on you man so he's got my back Jimmy: [lols] Janis: 😏 Jimmy: you said you'd been stuck in for ages, do you wanna walk? Jimmy: or bus it 'cause you're knackered Janis: you mean you aren't gonna carry me the whole way Janis: honeymoon is over 😉 Jimmy: [gives her a look like challenge accepted and picks her up playfully] Jimmy: 🏆💪 Janis: [kisses him whilst she's there 'cos cute nerds] Janis: let's walk, no rush is there Jimmy: [cue more kisses when he puts her down & handholding] Janis: I know it's not ideal rn but Janis: always like it when you stay Jimmy: It's alright, I know you ain't 🤞 that my dad'll bash me more often Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: & I like it when I stay too Janis: Good Janis: would like that on record at the very least Jimmy: I'll screenshot it, don't worry Jimmy: not one for twitter but Jimmy: 👍 Janis: no, no one gonna be 😍 Janis: maybe gracie like wow, basic human empathy who knew Jimmy: is she gonna be there? Janis: I assume so Janis: also her gaff, like Jimmy: what the fuck's the use of her being friends with Mia if she's never at her mansion 🙄 Jimmy: sort it out, Grace Janis: you know, easier to stalk me from ours Janis: doubt she'll be up for the massive slag-off sesh if she couldn't even hack one lesson Jimmy: least it means they won't be there too Jimmy: unless they're SO SORRY #duh Janis: 😏 Janis: take my apologies in the forms of cash only Jimmy: I'm gonna start charging every time she looks at me 🔪🔪🔪 Janis: #thathoelife Janis: gonna paywall my DMs tbh Jimmy: the most #relatable you've been so far Janis: make the most of having a twitter secretary, babe Jimmy: 😏 Janis: just go through ❌ the uggos and ✔ the maybes Jimmy: no 🐇🍳 like Janis: you'd love it Jimmy: been there, fucked that Jimmy: Barry was a right one Janis: 😂 Janis: I'm sure Janis: wasn't you crashing his wedding or anything Jimmy: his eyes were begging me to babe Jimmy: come on Janis: [is lol] Jimmy: who's wouldn't be if they're marrying a 16 year old Jimmy: run Barry run Janis: 😬 Janis: have her parents literally signed her off or what Jimmy: they did yeah Janis: that's fucked Janis: least my parents 'marriage' wasn't real Janis: nan still don't like dad so good luck with that 👍 Jimmy: are they not married proper by now then? Janis: yeah Janis: she didn't object at the vital moment Janis: 💔 Jimmy: gutted Jimmy: she can step up for Ian's next nuptials if she wants to get into heaven like a good 🍀 Janis: I done told you she's Scouse Janis: and definitely not getting in Janis: but I'll ask Janis: hire her services Janis: better at 🔪🔪🔪 than Mia Jimmy: tah Janis: I'll just show and that'll put him right off Jimmy: whose name are you gonna try & say anyway dad? 🤔 Jimmy: It don't matter I'll give our kid the 💍s to lose Janis: 😂 all middle aged women have the same like 10 names Janis: he's got an alright chance Jimmy: you cheerleading him now? 'cause you ain't borrowing my pom poms Jimmy: get your own Janis: No I in team, babe Jimmy: what's the team colours Jimmy: I wanna look 🔥 Janis: 💙 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: suits me Janis: compliments your eyes Janis: probably Jimmy: [flutters his eyelashes at her cos nerd. Why do boys have such long beautiful ones bitch?] Janis: I hate you Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😣 Jimmy: [kisses] Janis: You're Jimmy: a dickhead, yeah Jimmy: I know Jimmy: [more kisses cos why not] Janis: cute Janis: and pretty Janis: and everything else you hate being called Jimmy: so rude you Jimmy: [tickles her again] Janis: I will kick you now I'm not at risk of falling too you know Janis: be warned Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: don't be all mouth Janis: I'm fair, thank you Janis: touch me again and Jimmy: [does the thing where's he's hovering really close by not actually touching her cos little shit] Jimmy: and? Jimmy: [then leans in for a kiss but likewise stops short for the wind up] Janis: [😡 and a vaguely aggressive smooch] Jimmy: [tucks a strand of hair behind her ear really soft cos can't resist and also gotta win her round at all times] Janis: [kicks 'cos you know rules but not actually hard 'cos that'd be rude] Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: ow Janis: Poor boy Janis: that's what you get though Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: [squishes his face like n'awh] Jimmy: you only done that 'cause you know I can't kick you back Jimmy: such a girl Janis: you can try it, babe Jimmy: [playfight again] Janis: never give up, do ya Jimmy: nah Jimmy: wouldn't be #goals Janis: [🙄 but not as done as that face is lmao] Jimmy: [cheek kiss cos cheeky] Janis: [rubs at it 'cos same but is also 😍] Janis: I'm not your nan, you know Jimmy: she's 💀 so that's good news Jimmy: [little make out session though] Janis: 😂 Janis: sexy Janis: got me in the mood that Jimmy: you're always in the mood Jimmy: what I like about you that Janis: obvs Janis: any time any place Janis: girl guides prepared me Jimmy: course you were in all them after school activities, rich girl Jimmy: 👸🐎 Janis: oh please Jimmy: bit late to deny it Jimmy: but go on Janis: 😒 Janis: yeah yeah coal for breakfast lunch n tea I know Jimmy: 🎅 came to ours to stock up for the bad kids Jimmy: thieving fucker Janis: 💔 should hear how he treats his elves Jimmy: Ian's true form that Jimmy: why he's such a mardy bastard Janis: [snorts attractive babe] Jimmy: did you mean what you said Janis: what bit? Jimmy: 🚭 Jimmy: girl guides prepare you for that too? Janis: 'course Janis: got the leaflets on me at all times Janis: do you wanna Janis: not whatserface, idc if you don't Jimmy: I don't wanna read any leaflets or slide into that ginger's DM's Jimmy: but like Janis: sure Jimmy: it's your fault Jimmy: so Janis: wearing you out? Jimmy: piss off no Jimmy: needing me to live long enough to rescue you from your shit marriage to Pete Jimmy: already gonna have to fight against my northern life expectancy to see it through Janis: you and weddings Janis: gonna have to have it in the bahamas or some shit Jimmy: alright rich girl, stop flexing Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: jus sayin Janis: gonna splash the cash to protect my mans Janis: he's sensitive, tah Jimmy: his skin is, he'll burn up Jimmy: put applying factor 50 in the vows 'cause your only job Janis: 😂 Janis: so precious Janis: must protect 💪 Jimmy: I'll hit you up when my 👵 missus has 💀 Jimmy: might leave me enough cash that you're interested Janis: 😍 Janis: I'll be sure to pick up ☎ Jimmy: I'll send you a text, know they make you 😍 Janis: shut up Jimmy: you'd have to break my hands Jimmy: that'd 💔 you Janis: [😒😳 combo] Jimmy: [kissing her cos so cute whatever her face is doing] Janis: [deepens it 'cos] Jimmy: [little make out moment] Janis: I like you Janis: you're a dickhead and everything but Jimmy: I get it, you want me to keep my 👅 Janis: I get it, you wanna stop Janis: don't need to seduce me if you need the breather, babe Jimmy: I need nowt of the sort Jimmy: [kisses her again to prove it & cos he needs her lbr] Janis: [running her fingers through his hair and up and down his back] Jimmy: I don't want you to stop doing that though Janis: might make walking a bit difficult but Janis: do my best Jimmy: [picks her up like now you can still] Janis: [does] Janis: such a trooper, you Jimmy: [is kissing her neck on all her hickeys but soft] Janis: ['mm' noise] Janis: you're gonna drop me Jimmy: [shakes his head & says 'I promise' cos always] Janis: [holding on tighter but not 'cos she needs to] Jimmy: [more kisses but less soft] Janis: [swings down whilst kissing him and backs up into a wall, streetlight idk] Jimmy: [is 😍 cos how swag & kissing her harder] Janis: [tugging at his top to look for somehwere to give him a new hickey] Jimmy: [takes it off cos boy privilege & it's may so not gonna freeze to death] Janis: [is just looking at him like 😍 and stroking his chest 'cos damn] Jimmy: [gives her a look like ? for the 😍 even though he knows damn well but also looking at her like ! cos what you gonna do babe] Janis: [stroking turns to little scratches and then bigger scratches because frustrated as hell, biting and kissing as love as she can get away with in public but obviously not low enough] Janis: low* Jimmy: [is swearing quietly but obvs cos he's living for it not cos fuck you lol] Janis: ['do you have any idea how bad I want you right now?'] Jimmy: [is giving her a LOOK cos yeah he does & like pulls her off the path to try and find somewhere slightly less public like] Janis: [insatiable kids] Jimmy: [I hope there's like some bushes or something for their sake. How sims lol] Janis: Here Janis: here is fine Jimmy: [takes off her top so he can get his own back for before cos of course he would] Janis: [is 😱 shooketh but obvs not complaining or stopping him] Jimmy: [let him crack on with doing that to her for a bit just so she's even more frustrated lol] Janis: ['Jimmy'] Jimmy: [says her name too cos teasing little shit & he knows what it does] Janis: [pouting so hard] Janis: come on Jimmy: [bitey pouty lip thing forever but harder than he usually goes cos mood as she finally gets what she wants] Janis: ['ow' but make it a moan] Jimmy: [kiss it better but make it sexy] Janis: you're so Jimmy: you Janis: [shakes head] Jimmy: [says 'take the compliment' as per] Janis: [more kisses 'cos shh but also 'cos] Jimmy: [going harder at everything just cos] Janis: how many pleases is it gonna take? Jimmy: let's see Janis: [#1] Jimmy: [pulls her closer cos always and does love a please] Janis: [is pushing herself into him and #2 'cos more always] Jimmy: [is likewise pushing her against a tree or whatever] Janis: [wraps her legs around him 'cos always and they long enough bitch] Jimmy: [perks of having a tall girlfriend got him like 😍] Janis: third time's a charm? Jimmy: [just nods 'cause can't even speak] Janis: ['Baby, please' with all the emphasis] Jimmy: [obviously gives in cos how can he not & SO MUCH KISSING BITCH] Janis: I Jimmy: I know Janis: [ily] Jimmy: [says it back] Janis: you're fucking gorgeous Jimmy: you are Janis: shit Jimmy: [doing the trying to get closer thing again] Janis: [using her hands in his hair to move his face level with hers and having the hottest closest eye contact ever[ Jimmy: [loud enthusiastic response cos damn] Janis: how do we keep ending up here Jimmy: I don't Jimmy: know Jimmy: care Janis: same Janis: just Janis: make sure it keeps happening okay Jimmy: you too Jimmy: don't get shy, yeah Janis: [little lol like wut] Jimmy: [kisses because she's so cute when she's happy & I'll keep saying so goodbye] Janis: don't think anyone is accusing me of being shy right now Jimmy: make sure they don't ever Jimmy: all I'm saying Janis: calling me predictable right now, really Janis: [cuffs his head but kisses him too 'cos obvs playing] Jimmy: I'm not calling you nowt Jimmy: I just like how you are Janis: JUST as I am though? 😏 Jimmy: are you trying to start a fight right now, really Jimmy: [but kisses her again cos also playing] Janis: Just keeping it exciting for you, babe Jimmy: do you reckon this is boring? Janis: not a word that I'd use Janis: if I was capable of saying much more than fuck, your name and God's, rn Jimmy: gimme one you can Jimmy: just don't give your god no credit Janis: [saying his name 'cos duh] Jimmy: [goes harder as a result cos he's into her saying his name too & we know it] Janis: holy shit Janis: just like that, that's so Janis: you're so good Jimmy: [says 'you'] Janis: [kissing him 'cos people going past not that far away so shh lads] Jimmy: you always make me forget where we are Janis: that's what I want Jimmy: to be my escape, yeah, I ain't forgotten Janis: don't Janis: no one does it better than me, remember that Jimmy: you don't Jimmy: I'm taking you away from here too you know Janis: I do know Janis: swear Jimmy: just swear you'll come with me Jimmy: that's what I want Janis: of course I will Janis: why wouldn't I Janis: I hate everyone here but you so if you ain't here then why am I Jimmy: I love you Janis: I love you more Jimmy: shut up, you can't say that Janis: just did Janis: what you gonna do about it Jimmy: [goes harder than ever & is doing all her fave things cos if it's a competition like] Janis: [we know what gonna happen] Jimmy: [I hope nobody else is about cos soz] Janis: fucking hell boy Jimmy: 💕 Janis: don't look at me like that Jimmy: like what? Jimmy: [but is still doing it cos he knows] Janis: so smug and Janis: ugh Jimmy: just my face Jimmy: not doing nowt with it Janis: 😒 Janis: you know exactly what you're doing always Jimmy: what was it you said, I'm keeping things exciting Jimmy: that's what I'm doing Janis: you're making me fucking Janis: fall in love with you Janis: that's what you're doing Jimmy: you're already in love with me Jimmy: I'm making you stay Janis: more in love then Janis: somehow Jimmy: good Janis: mostly good Jimmy: where's the bad bit? Janis: it's just a bit...terrifying sometimes, don't you think Jimmy: it's only terrifying when you don't know where you stand Jimmy: & we do Jimmy: you ain't questions, you're answers Janis: yeah Jimmy: you don't gotta be scared of me, alright Janis: it's not like Janis: I don't know Janis: can't explain it Janis: it isn't anything you do though, trust me Jimmy: a bit Jimmy: but I'm not gonna fuck this up again Jimmy: not for ages at least Jimmy: gimme about a week Janis: it isn't Janis: it's actually a me problem Janis: but I'll hold you to that anyway Jimmy: problems you? nah I don't believe it, rich girl Jimmy: [but kisses her because so much love and seriousness actually] Janis: ain't you heard money can't solve 'em? Jimmy: that's the bollocks that gets said when you're crying on a yacht or whatever I'm sure Janis: 'course Janis: can't buy genuine wisdom either, soz Jimmy: life's shit but it'd be less shit for me if I had enough money to leave whenever it was worse than that Janis: money ain't the reason you can't go though Janis: that'd be an easy fix Jimmy: it's a reason though Janis: not the main one Janis: the real shit is always way more messy and complicated Jimmy: alright calm down, I ain't asking you to donate to my gofundme or owt Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: come on, we've got loads more walking to go Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [lights up 🚬] Jimmy: [steals it even though he said he was gonna 🚭] Janis: erm, wasn't for you Jimmy: don't be rude Jimmy: share with your boyfriend Janis: [takes it back] Janis: sharing means sharing Janis: you've nearly finished it Jimmy: that's your fault for walking so fast Janis: you that was in a hurry Jimmy: I only said we had ages left Jimmy: not that you had to run Janis: whatever Janis: just try to keep up Jimmy: I get it, you're such an athlete Jimmy: calm down Janis: shut up Janis: i'm not even you're being slow Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: you've got a rush on, girl Janis: it is a school night 🤓 Jimmy: don't remind me Janis: can't be any worse than usual 🤞 Jimmy: tomorrow's gonna be so shit Janis: cheery Janis: why Jimmy: 1. it's school 2. people are dickheads 3. my dad ain't stopped ringing me Janis: the first 2 are standard Jimmy: it's standard that it's shit too Jimmy: where've you been Janis: bunk then Janis: like you said, no avoiding how in the shit you are with him now Jimmy: like you said, if we do everyone will reckon they got to us Janis: not saying I can Janis: you could though Jimmy: not without you Jimmy: I already told you that Janis: alright Jimmy: 👌 Janis: then what can I do? Jimmy: you ain't gotta do owt Jimmy: how many times, shit's less shit just by you being about Janis: well I'll be there Jimmy: 👍 Janis: can we just Janis: stop Jimmy: here? Janis: I mean Janis: I don't even know why it's gone weird really but can we just not Jimmy: yeah Janis: or you could tell me why so I can do something about it Jimmy: so you're saying I'm making it weird Janis: I'm saying I don't know why it is so maybe you do Jimmy: I don't Jimmy: I'm knackered too maybe I'm being a dickhead Janis: That's alright then Janis: let's just crash Janis: long as it's nothing serious then it's all good Jimmy: come here for a sec Janis: [does] Janis: yeah? Jimmy: [hugs her] Janis: [hugs back] Janis: sorry, I know it's shit Jimmy: It's just Jimmy: If my dad wasn't such a fucking Jimmy: we could have been at mine no time after we left the park Janis: I know Janis: we should've got the bus Jimmy: could've have done all that on the bus though Jimmy: couldn't* Janis: well no Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: I'm just sorry baby Jimmy: it was good, yeah Jimmy: don't be Janis: I'm not sorry about that Janis: just that tomorrow is gonna be shit Janis: and I can't do shit for you Jimmy: but you can Jimmy: you're 🥇 Janis: I dunno Janis: wish I could actually throw money at this shit Jimmy: [kisses her like shh but also ILY] Jimmy: just be my girlfriend Jimmy: I don't wanna buy one of them Janis: [halfhearted lol] Janis: bit tragic Jimmy: bit too Ian Janis: [actual lol] Janis: I hope you just mean he's 💪 and spending too hard on his gfs Jimmy: well he ain't ordered one online yet as far as I know Jimmy: give him another failed marriage & maybe Janis: maybe he'll move to Thailand and leave you all behind Jimmy: fuck that we'll go with Jimmy: ditch him first chance we get babe, deal? Janis: deal Jimmy: [puts his hand out for her to shake cos nerd] Janis: [spits on hers 'cos gross and remember when] Jimmy: lovely you Jimmy: [but does it too obvs] Janis: you're the one that likes me Janis: weirdo Jimmy: insult me all you want now cos when we get there I'm selling the 🐶 Jimmy: let 'em make a meal out of her Janis: joke all YOU want but the fact you're even bringing her shows you luuuuurve her Jimmy: [is protesting but also trying not to lol so we see you boy] Janis: 👦💕🐶 Janis: the best of friends Jimmy: in your dreams, girl Janis: wildest, babe Janis: I'll draw the art this time Jimmy: what else is in there Jimmy: let me know Janis: maybe Jimmy: [gives her a look like oh only maybe okay then] Jimmy: what do I have to do to make it more than a maybe? Janis: get a good night sleep Janis: you said you're knackered Jimmy: challenge accepted then Jimmy: [but you can tell he's thinking like when the fuck did I last get one of them] Janis: [smooches him like I know] Janis: don't worry, I'll help Janis: I wanna tell you Jimmy: so go on Jimmy: [gestures for her to have a piggyback cos gotta exhaust him further lol no offense babe] Janis: tomorrow Janis: gotta get you through the day somehow Janis: [piggybacks tho] Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: [does a little run to be a show off but like actually be careful boy] Janis: [loling and 😍] Jimmy: [let's give them a piggyback moment for a fair while & distance well done boy] Janis: impressive Jimmy: sound more surprised about it, dickhead Jimmy: 🏆💪 me Janis: soz didn't know I was dating superman Janis: gimme a sec to swoon Jimmy: Clark Kent around the fans though, babe Janis: ohh that's why you're such a 🤓 Janis: just a cover, why didn't you say Jimmy: busted Jimmy: had to make sure I could trust you Janis: 😏 Janis: well I'm not gonna be that basic bitch but still, got your back Jimmy: tah girl Janis: Legit have a cousin called Lois Jimmy: 'course you do, nerd Jimmy: she got a sister called Penny? Janis: umm, I didn't fucking name her, 'scuse you Janis: and no, worse but you already know Janis: Leia, in our year Jimmy: ? Jimmy: more freckles than you Jimmy: that the one? Janis: that's the one Jimmy: how many cousins you got? Jimmy: half the school or what Janis: 🙄 pretty much Janis: who else would you know hmm Janis: Ollie in our year Janis: his sister Sophie, year below, that's probably it Jimmy: we should get him for our ⚽ team Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Yeah, bin off the actual lad, know you wanna Jimmy: nowt personal we're just too 😎 Janis: 😂 Jimmy: & I just can't around all those sweaty lads 😍😍 so Janis: 🚬 wheezing for all the wrong reasons, babe Jimmy: [lols] Janis: less of a look that being a footie dyke, trust Jimmy: you've got a beard now if you wanna get back on the team Janis: what else am I in this for Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: get your short shorts on then, babe Janis: but how can I compete Jimmy: 🥇 you Jimmy: come on Janis: but those legs 😍😍 Jimmy: but yours Jimmy: [reaches to get 'em] Janis: oi Janis: [protest too much] Jimmy: [little playfight that very quickly just turns into him getting her in a sexy way] Janis: we're nearly there now Janis: you can do it Jimmy: [tells her how hot she is in a VOICE cos how dare you distract him girl now he's gotta distract you too but does carry on] Janis: ['wait' and smooches him 'cos okay] Jimmy: [& then more cos forever mood] Janis: such a bad influence Jimmy: I just like encouragement Jimmy: I really Janis: [more intense eye contact] really? Jimmy: respond well to it, you know Jimmy: [hot kisses to prove the point] Janis: I Janis: I see Jimmy: [more eye contact just because] Janis: come on Janis: [takes his hand and lowkey drags him the rest of the way] Jimmy: [gives her a look like she's such a spoilsport & is all smirky but goes] Janis: you just go straight down Janis: I'll tell my parents what's up Jimmy: alright Janis: it'll be fine Janis: save the 20 questions later if I don't 🙄 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: tah Janis: [comes down after five minutes or so] Jimmy: [he's just flopped on her bed cos tired boy] Janis: [sits down next to and strokes his hair like hey] Jimmy: [snuggles] Janis: you need anything? Jimmy: [says 'you' cos obvs] Janis: [snuggles down too 'cos 'you got me'] Jimmy: [all the snuggles and soft kisses and touches cos happy] Janis: ['I wish you could stay forever'] Jimmy: [just nods cos same & emotions] Janis: [just being gentle and loving 'cos gah] Jimmy: [likewise] Janis: [I love you] Jimmy: [kisses cos again same & again emotions] Janis: [gets him undressed but less in a sexy way and more in a caring way] Jimmy: [follows her lead & helps her with her own clothes not forgetting putting the hair down cos never & we gotta spend some time playing with that then] Janis: you're Janis: I've never met anyone like you Jimmy: too northern Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: I've met loads of paddy's but you're Janis: shh Janis: no you're Janis: maybe I've never been with anyone like this Janis: I don't mean just the sex and shit Janis: you know Jimmy: I do Jimmy: know Janis: you Janis: you feel it too right Jimmy: [all the eye contact & 😍] Jimmy: I feel it too, baby Janis: [is reassured like yes good and dying a bit 'cos closeness] Jimmy: [says ILY but it's basically a whisper cos how soft they are rn] Janis: [actual whisper 'why'] Jimmy: 'cause I do Jimmy: all them compliments you never take Jimmy: for a start Janis: [hiding how she do] Janis: okay Jimmy: [is playing with her hair and gently gets her to look at him because] Jimmy: you've gotta take 'em or you'll 💔 me Jimmy: [but smiles and is still 😍] Janis: I said okay, how else can I take a compliment? 😏 Jimmy: [more kisses] Jimmy: say it like you mean it Jimmy: maybe Janis: [🙄 but less mad as per] Janis: okay Janis: agree with everything you've said, I'm amazing, like Jimmy: [pins her down but gently not like !!! for more kissing because third time's the charm obvs] Janis: [ily so much] Jimmy: [says her name a few times in between kisses cos they both like it] Janis: thought you were sleepy Jimmy: I am but Jimmy: never that sleepy Jimmy: you're just Janis: [smiley and smug] Jimmy: [traces the 😏 face emoji on her with his finger cos art hoe] Janis: not gonna cut your hands off Janis: I've decided Jimmy: Yeah? Jimmy: what have you decided to do with them instead then Janis: [moves his hands down and does the thing where you move 'em with yours on top] Jimmy: thought you were knackered Janis: how else you meant to unwind 'fore bed Jimmy: [smiles and kisses her again as he carries on] Janis: I wanna Janis: touch you too Jimmy: [moves a bit so it's easier for her cos we can all imagine how close they were probably lying am I right, kids?] Janis: show me how you do it Janis: how you like it Jimmy: [does the same hand trick for her like a shameless copycat] Janis: ['I just wanna make you feel good, Jimmy'] Jimmy: [tries to tell her that she does but it's a moan though 'cause how hot do you wanna be, Janis, it's rude] Janis: [kissing him harder 'cos feeling that he's feeling it too] Jimmy: [and yet he's still managing to touch her too, what a trooper, not like me I'd be well distracted] Janis: you're Janis: [more kisses] Jimmy: you though Jimmy: [more kisses] Janis: ['you' over and over] Jimmy: [and her name too cos that's the mood] Janis: I love you so much Jimmy: [kissing again cos he can't even] Janis: [lbr gonna do this 'til sleep] Jimmy: [true story bro]

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: 💕 Janis: feeling the love 'cos corporate making ya, hey? Janis: how many holiday drinks you made today Jimmy: feels like billions Jimmy: not the kinda wrist action to be #buzzing about Janis: here's hoping you working commission lad Janis: is any? 🤔 #hotdatewithjane Jimmy: Tam's been in and out all day earning you those kicks you desire Jimmy: #notsosecretadmirer Jimmy: can't stay away on this special day Janis: Christ, you'd think she wouldn't wanna be seen DEAD outside her house, single, on this most sacred day Janis: gotta be stringing her along with lingering just a little too long when handing over the caffeine, good job babe 👏 Janis: think Grace is lowkey in hiding Janis: too late to even frantically swipe right on tinder now ladies Jimmy: Tell her Bobby'll be round Jimmy: He would if date night wasn't past his bedtime like Janis: 😂 bless Janis: all got our cross to bear, kid Janis: can't get my date out without a leash and promises of treats 🤷 Jimmy: Speaking of bitches, I seen Mia's timed her latest for the stockholm syndrome to kick in right on time Janis: look, i know you're bitter 'cos i've chucked you for better but don't bad mouth the bae, ok? Janis: forreal tho, they have schedules, like clockwork Janis: a new man for every occasion, this one won't last 'til her bday Jimmy: Keeping my hands where Tams can't see or cuff 'em Janis: 😏 tmi Janis: and unhygienic to boot, you serve lattes with those hands Jimmy: filthy 🧠 Jimmy: it's the company you keep Jimmy: Twix's gone from trying to shit in my dad's shoes to humping 'em Janis: whoa now, i didn't teach her that Janis: but think about it, from a scatological foot fetish to just a bit of vanilla pre-teen humping of inanimate objects Janis: it IS a step in the right direction Jimmy: But you are about treating 'em mean to keep 'em keen Janis: Your kicks are safe, dun' worry Janis: if she's taught me anything, not the way into the good books 😇 Jimmy: If you wanna aim for my work shoes I won't complain Jimmy: A day off is a day off Jimmy: Warn me first though, unless you're into those kind of surprises Janis: Best not to be seen with each other today Janis: don't wanna give everyone the wrong idea Janis: but nice try, you'll have to stick to burning yaself and the like if you wanna bunk Jimmy: Tammy's bound to help me with that Jimmy: #likeagiraffeonice Janis: She's beauty, she's graces Janis: wants you to cum all over her face Jimmy: fingers crossed she'll melt mine off first Jimmy: Better with that Janis: fair Janis: no way you've got the reach Jimmy: 💕 #whenbaebelievesinyou Janis: what, you want me to offer help with target practice? Janis: nice try dickhead 😜 Jimmy: Romance isn't dead there's the proof Jimmy: What are you doing today, aside from belly rubs for the bae Janis: gotta do something, don't I? feel bad like Janis: slayed the gift game and I really phoned it in so obvs gotta give out those sexual favours Janis: nowt though, trying to avoid seeing all the lovey-dovey couples making me wanna vom Janis: letting Tam work her magic in peace 😘 welcome like Jimmy: 💔🐶🎻 Jimmy: Making drinks with my eyes closed 'cause same Jimmy: Crack on Tam #tallgirlsneedlovetoo Janis: any barista will do 🎶 Janis: wanna hang when the madness is over Jimmy: The way this queue is going there isn't gonna be goodies left to bring you Jimmy: But I'm sweet enough😎 Jimmy: So yeah Janis: Bummer Janis: guess I can't kick you outta bed for that alone Janis: let you tot up negatives throughout the day, standard Jimmy: Got a pen behind my ear Jimmy: Come at me Janis: never could resist a challenge Janis: 🙄 walked into that one Janis: can we do something not shit Janis: don't need to see you slurping down spaghetti lady and the tramp stylee Jimmy: 💔 I'll shoo away all the strays I've gathered Jimmy: Only one dog for you like Jimmy: But of course that's how we stay goals Jimmy: any old shit won't do 💪🏆 Janis: 🎻 Janis: okay good Janis: play your cards right and get it right Janis: i'll spring for the motel 😉 Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: for once i'll be rooting for you Janis: my parents are unbearable at the best of times Janis: 🤢 Janis: actually cannot deal Jimmy: My dad and his girlfriend are still early days enough that they can bear to be in the same room Jimmy: I won't fail Janis: oh the honeymoon period Janis: disgusting Janis: thank god we got that out of the way with a fake relationship so you know my true feelings 😏 Jimmy: yeah thanks mate Jimmy: 👍 Janis: welcome, buddy o' pal o' mine Jimmy: Done Jimmy: I've worked it out Janis: taking a particularly difficult shit? Janis: again, don't need these intimate updates honey Janis: not #goals Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: No, what's goals is what we're gonna do, babe 😏 Jimmy: Keeping you outta the house 'til there's no cringe factor left Janis: Ahh Janis: colour me intrigued Jimothy Janis: what's the dress code? Jimmy: 🤔 Jimmy: Nothing Tam would be seen dead in Janis: Alright, no body con that shows all my worst bits, gotcha Janis: do I get ANY clues? Curious 🙀 right here Jimmy: You might just make yourself a new bae Jimmy: But pace yourself mate Janis: 😳 Janis: i don't own any PVC clothing, you know that, yeah? Jimmy: I do now 🎻 Janis: 😂 can literally hear Gracie in my head asking me what i'm like rn Janis: letting ya man down on vday Janis: honestly Jimmy: when one twin's a giver and the other's a taker 😂 Janis: tbf, we BOTH told you you'd got the wrong one but Janis: cloth ears you Jimmy: Down for the challenge Jimmy: Too late to not be a stubborn dickhead, me Janis: looks like we're both stuck then, lad Jimmy: there's that #realtalk mate Janis: can't say we didn't both give it a fair go Janis: #longdistanceloveinskerries #teenagerunaway Jimmy: You'll always have Twix 💕 Janis: gotta have someone to rely on init Jimmy: #tea Janis: #scaldedagain #jobhazard Jimmy: [Sends a selfie of an actual burn/on the job hazard] Jimmy: Stuff of fantasies that Janis: Poor baby! Has Tam not offered to 💋 it better? Janis: #slacking Jimmy: She's got her 👀 a bit lower down Jimmy: I'm just a piece of 🍖 Jimmy: The real hazard Janis: start a # about it Janis: 'cos can't blame her Janis: part of the problem, truly Jimmy: Will do Janis: being all distracting there with your apron and that Janis: asking for it Jimmy: I thought it was the shoes Jimmy: Sexy from head to toe like Jimmy: 🐶💗 Janis: 😋 something certainly got tongues n tails wagging Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: The company I keep, I think 😉 Janis: valid, the bitches love me 😍 Jimmy: Alright, save it for the 'gram Jimmy: #humblebrag Janis: Twix is a busy lady, only got you scheduled in so far Janis: guess the fans will have to make do with your mug 😜 Jimmy: unlucky lads and lasses Janis: they love it Janis: 'til some other cunt is unlucky enough to be enrolled in our school, you're gonna stay flavour of the month 🍦 Jimmy: 💪🥇 Janis: meanwhile, i gotta wait 'til the next fam scandal 'til I'm relevant again Janis: such is life Janis: not that its ever THAT long 🙄 Jimmy: Whip up some fake drama for you to hide in if you want Jimmy: Crack 'em out with the lattes Janis: I don't doubt you're capable Janis: just getting over sinkgate 😏 Mr. Lucas never will 😉 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: He's one of the only dickheads who hasn't been in today Jimmy: Still time 🤞 Janis: think a milky earl grey is his shout Janis: get it ready, really impress him Janis: more than you did, obvs Jimmy: The coffee breath and forehead vein says espresso though 🤔 Jimmy: Man o mystery Janis: 🤤 Janis: so hot Jimmy: More competition is it? Jimmy: 💔🎻 Janis: Using you as a ploy to get him hot under that starched collar all along Janis: soz babes 😘 Jimmy: I should've known your real goal was to get under that lumpy jumper Janis: 😂 Janis: know he's got the goods under it Jimmy: Can't fight the feeling Janis: s'a real shame the hottest female teacher we've got is that TA with the wonky fringe and clompy shoes Janis: who you got your sights set on next? Jimmy: always been about a wonky fringe meself Jimmy: Clompy shoes are a massive bonus when Twix is being a mad bitch underfoot too like Janis: draw the line there pal Janis: gotta get the dog in the divorce like Janis: not letting that hipster bitch anywhere near Jimmy: 🥊 Jimmy: going down swinging Janis: if she doesn't scream cat lady as is, she's defs into weird pets like fucking Janis: stick insects Janis: hope you're soooo happy together like 🖕 not even mad Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: nice to have your blessing, mate Jimmy: be my best man on the day Janis: literally fuck off Janis: only just got rid of the lesbian rumours and you wanna put me in a suit WHILST friendzoning me Janis: nah 😤 Jimmy: spoilsport Jimmy: found a challenge she won't accept Janis: only way i'm showing up is if you invite all your exes and put us on a table so we can chat mad shit on you Janis: be a man about it, boy Jimmy: card table at the back, couple of chairs so you can place your bets 👍 Janis: more like it Janis: hook up with your actual best man Janis: pure spite and alcohol fuelling me Jimmy: It'd probs be Cass so best not Jimmy: no good for the rep Janis: 😡 Janis: same tho, if i ever got hitched (ignoring the unlikeliness of that) i'd have to hit up the sibs for those bridesmaids and ting Janis: least my fam is good for numbers if not company like Jimmy: Grace has used her twin senses and is moodboarding somewhere rn Jimmy: Unlucky Janis: 🤢 don't Janis: vietnam flashbacks rn Janis: you know how many fake weddings of hers i've attended Jimmy: I can imagine Jimmy: And am Jimmy: Cute 😂 Janis: Fuck off Janis: shame your dad don't wanna be bffs Janis: can't hit him up for embarrassing pics and stories to use against you Jimmy: Another win to my name Janis: 🖕 Janis: sincerely hope you get a beverage thrown in ur face Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Wish you'da got me some earplugs Jimmy: Come on over mate, I've got loads Jimmy: #whenyourdadisdating Janis: literally Janis: at least you know its the same woman to avoid when she runs to the bog to clean herself up Janis: Pablo already on 2nd of the day Janis: Need a way to let 'em know Jimmy: Gotta have a sleepover with your real bae Jimmy: Twix'll sort 'em Jimmy: Sticking her nose in, literally like Janis: Oh that sweet curious girl Janis: some things she never need see 🙈 Jimmy: #nosybitchproblems Janis: getting dirt on enemy #1 anyway she can Janis: those bribe bones coming her way Jimmy: Happy v-day to her Janis: Maybe you and wonky fringe can have a fuck-off Janis: bet she's a right goer when you get the hair down and glasses off like Jimmy: Invite you and Mr Lucas for the post shag debrief Jimmy: Give you a /10 Janis: Naturally Janis: so curious to know how I rank 😒 Jimmy: Always a 10 with Twix Janis: 🙌 Janis: that'll help with the rep Jimmy: Me and Killer'll take the heat off with our new relationship shine Janis: yeah it loves you Janis: daft fucking dog Jimmy: Pity I can't turn the 💕 into 💰 Jimmy: Loads of lattes no will to keep slinging 'em Janis: Looking for a career change? Janis: fame getting too real? Jimmy: Got me looking like a deer in the headlights Jimmy: Tammy's livid Jimmy: There can only be one Janis: 'bout to be a bloodbath in CG Jimmy: Place your bets, mate Janis: hmm Janis: Tams got the reach like but reckon she's mostly talk n neck Janis: nan's not been in has she? 😉 Jimmy: She's serving me that 💔 while I crane my own neck looking out for her all day long Jimmy: no sign yet Janis: Gutted Janis: even she's feeling the lurve today Janis: literally no place to go Janis: so tragic Jimmy: About to eat my feelings like a proper flat white squad member Jimmy: Speaking of feeling that l.u.r.v.e did you hear how many cards Cass got sent? Jimmy: 7 Janis: WHAT Janis: get it gurl but also fuck off lads she's too lil Jimmy: walking about like its nowt Jimmy: 😎 Janis: thank god Janis: no one needs that ego boost Janis: fuming tbh Jimmy: Bobs made one at school Jimmy: guess who for Janis: Aww, bless him Janis: she does need that boost Janis: he gonna hand-deliver? Jimmy: He's insisting Jimmy: So be about Jimmy: You got one too Jimmy: moving in on my lass Janis: we in, have to kick the empty ice cream cartons out the way like but find us in front of bridget jones or similar Janis: i'm honoured like 😊 Jimmy: Yours is bigger but hers has more glitter Jimmy: Can't call a winner Janis: size matters Janis: #facts Janis: soz Gracie, gotta fight you or you'll get too comfy Jimmy: Just don't let her vlog it Jimmy: Don't need porno style #s going viral Janis: MY TWIN ATTACKED ME!?!?!?! (NOT CLICKBAIT) Jimmy: Haters, on this sacred day Jimmy: #savage Janis: Glad to keep her in #content Janis: who's the real ⭐ baby Jimmy: 🤩 Jimmy: Better than 💝 chocs Janis: the calories! 😱 Jimmy: who needs food when you can exist on ☕ and even hotter goss 💋 Janis: diet of champions that 🙄 Janis: mia be bullshitting them that she doesn't run on sheer cuntiness Jimmy: Mia? A bullshitter? 😲 Jimmy: Nope Janis: awks 😕 Janis: did you think you was forever? Jimmy: she was my fucking cinnamon apple Janis: 😂 Janis: at least i've got an excuse to fight her again Janis: try not to get in the way this time Jimmy: Will do Jimmy: 2nd rule of fight club, get out the way dickhead Janis: brad pitt in that film Janis: mwah 💋👌 Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: I got no retort because Helena, not the one like Janis: crazy bitch not your type, eh? Janis: think the masses would have to disagree 😏 Jimmy: Start a # or I'm not listening, sorry everyone Janis: he's a modern man Jimmy: 💪😎 Janis: wonder if anyone will get pregnant tonight Janis: wanna make a bet? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I'll put today's wage on it Jimmy: No tips Jimmy: Need them for our big 💕 plans Janis: alright, you're on Janis: here's hoping its only the tip for all the other lads like Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Walked into that one Janis: 💁 Janis: shame we're not a hardcore catholic school #upthebuttforjesus Jimmy: I'd have to pray meself if I'd made a bet under them conditions Janis: what can i say? just like me, showing faith in our peers Janis: ur so negative, babe Janis: like dem tests 🤞 Jimmy: don't need to be an optimist to wait for those positives Janis: we'll see Jimmy: what to I get when I win this one Jimmy: quite a streak now babe 😏 Janis: 😣 Janis: on the off chance you manage to scrape a win Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: 🤔 Jimmy: Escape route for longer than a night for starters Jimmy: Lovebirds doing my head in Jimmy: I'm thinking a weekend break that isn't #cursed like Janis: Always down for running Janis: up for it not being away from you this time 😉 Janis: bringing the kiddos or? Jimmy: Depends if they kick off Jimmy: Got time to work on bribes Jimmy: Dad's Valerie might wanna play happy families 😒 Janis: 😬 Janis: that'll be fun Janis: can't have you dealing with that Janis: at least their tales of woe whilst you were gone will be packed with that #scandal and #drama Jimmy: might be easier to take 'em amount of SOS's we'd get Jimmy: Cass blowing up both our phones before we're out the door Jimmy: fuck knows Janis: Eithers cool Janis: just leave the hardcore whips n chains at home like Jimmy: Damn Jimmy: Alright done Jimmy: If we stick 'em on their own does that make us the mccanns Janis: not if we don't drug 'em Janis: stick to sweets and other such bribes and we'll be alright Jimmy: Gonna be enough of a plan getting there without adding a murder cover up Janis: honestly Janis: not on the agenda Janis: not a nice pretty white doctor like, never getting away with it Jimmy: not the 💕 american films'd have you believe either I reckon Jimmy: Surrounded by a cloud of smoke already cheers don't need a hail of bullets Janis: yeah if #blacklivesmatter taught us anything Janis: not the ideal way to spend a weekend Janis: also, still creasing at her name Janis: such middle aged hot piece of ass vibes Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: definitely can't promise you any of that Jimmy: but if you win, I'll 🚭 and hopefully run like less of a middle aged dickhead with a dad bod Jimmy: less of an evidence trail an' all Jimmy: win win Janis: whoa, that's awful big talk from the resident chimney Janis: you are sure you're gonna win 😉 Janis: but i accept the full Ts and Cs Janis: you should train with me Janis: not just an excuse to 👀 the dad bod Jimmy: Deal done then Jimmy: Trying to see me in my short shorts Jimmy: You'll have to catch me first like Janis: wouldn't even be fair to make it a competition like Jimmy: If you're too shit scared, mate Janis: just curious why you wanna lose so bad Janis: thinking you might love what punishment i have in mind? Jimmy: Wondering what it feels like 'cause it never happens Jimmy: You seem to be about it with all your repeats Janis: I'm going to enjoy making you suffer Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: Gonna start a club with Mr Lucas? Janis: any time i get to spend with him like Janis: not like I wanna think up new cruel and unusual ways to get you but Janis: needs must Jimmy: 💕 cute Jimmy: I'd tell him to get his 🎻 out but we know what those hands are busy doing Janis: eurgh 😂 too far Janis: my 'rents reckon he's an actual predator, like, there are stories Janis: do not wanna commit so hard to this bit that I become his next victim forreal Jimmy: Not gonna happen babe 💪😎🐶 Jimmy: Squad got you covered Janis: My heroes 😍 Jimmy: If Twix isn't up to it my bae'll come through Jimmy: Named for it literally Janis: Reckon that was the idea Janis: or they were being ironic with it Janis: #sojokes Jimmy: either way I'll knock him out before its a drama Jimmy: as long as you don't get in my way naturally Janis: don't worry, got the sense I was born with 😜 Janis: dickhead Jimmy: Lucky you were born with it Jimmy: Some of us have neither Janis: 🎻 Janis: so what part of pretty woman you looking to recreate this time Janis: what's your artistic vision? 😏 Jimmy: I haven't seen it Jimmy: Bound to be an aesthetic montage though, isn't there? Janis: don't let my sister hear you Janis: roped into GIRLS NIGHT! before you know it Jimmy: Get the popcorn in Gracie, mine's salted Jimmy: Shout you a diet something if you keep the noise down, hun Janis: #romanticvdaynightplans Janis: i get why she got confused, you have #boundaryissues mate 😂 Jimmy: Living up to that dating a twin stereotype Jimmy: The people in my comment section DEMAND it, alright? Jimmy: #gottagiveemwhattheywant Janis: Nah, bitch, you can only play that if we're identical Janis: its not like whoops thought it was u Janis: on ANY level 😤 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Oh shit the boss is the embodiment of that emoji Jimmy: Yours not mine Jimmy: Gonna have to get a room Jimmy: Ban him, that's not how I'm earning employee of the month perks, sorry lad Janis: Convenient 😒 Janis: lemme catch u in her inbox boi 🥊 Janis: jk, get to work slacker, catch you in a mo Jimmy: 🐊 Jimmy: In a bit 💕 Janis: 🖤