#* Harvey is my husband and has been since I started playing the game all those years ago | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hibiscustea9 · 4 years ago

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10,000 views on “Fire Walk with Me”!

YOU GUYS. Late last night, “Fire Walk with Me” hit 10,000 views. I am beyond blown away by this. Nothing I have ever written has come anywhere close to the reception this story has gotten. To celebrate, I’m going to make the sort of post I don’t usually make and share one of my headcanons for each of the Stardew Valley villagers (excepting the few who don’t have any real impact on the story, like Gil and the Ginger Island villagers). Read on below the jump to see these (some of which have been shared already in “Fire Walk with Me”) and thank you, thank you for all of your support and reading this story. It’s made me so very happy.

Abigail secretly loves disco music. She hates the aesthetic and clothing of the era, but she will rock out to any of the great disco bands or divas when in her room and with her earbuds in. She would sooner die than have Sam and Sebastian find out about this.

Alex had offers to attend several universities on a full ride scholarship to play gridball, but turned them down out of fear of failing out of school. After high school, he was diagnosed as dyslexic. His teachers were encouraged to just pass him through without making him complete the work, which left him deeply insecure. He now has plans to go to trade school, which he feels might be his ticket out of Pelican Town.

Caroline is the wizard’s daughter, and a lay green witch. Her father was a sailor who was lost at sea and Rasmodius comforted her mother (which is the regret Rasmodius has that broke up his marriage). Caroline’s hair is naturally green. She is not aware of her magic, which manifests mostly as being able to grow any plants she wishes.

Clint left Pelican Town to go to college, only to have to come back when his father died to take care of his mother. He was a voice major and has a lovely singing voice, though he’s often too shy to show it off these days.

Demetrius is a skilled teacher and used to adjunct biology classes at Grampleton Community College to help support his family when Robin was getting her carpentry business off the ground. While he enjoyed teaching, the commute and long hours burnt him out after a year and he hasn’t felt the urge to teach since.

The Dwarf is a huge movie buff, but even more than the films, she enjoys turning around while sitting in the front row to look at the faces of the people watching the films.

Elliott is not a citizen of Ferngill but a foreign national. His posh accent and vocabulary rubbed some townsfolk the wrong way when he moved to Pelican Town. He managed to get on the good side of those same townsfolk when he accidentally knocked his bait bucket all over himself at his first Festival of Ice but continued fishing through it, coming in a respectable second to Willy that year.

Emily genuinely believes in the healing power of crystals and positive thinking, though she also has great respect for traditional medicine. She often asks Harvey medical questions when he’s at the bar. For his part, Harvey truly enjoys being able to talk about his discipline with anyone else, even a crunchy granola type like Emily.

Evelyn stopped believing in Yoba after her daughter was diagnosed with cancer and died young, leaving Alex in her care. She has never let on, given how George makes a point of attending weekly services. Seeing how much Clara suffered, first in an abusive marriage and then going through the failed treatment for her cancer, left Evelyn unable to believe in an all-powerful deity. Instead, she aims to spread as much kindness as she can, seeking salvation in other people instead of worship of Yoba.

George started watching so much television when Alex came to live with him and Evelyn. He didn’t like TV much before then, but got in the habit of letting Alex stay up late and watch reruns with him. While he claims to enjoy westerns the most, he has a not-so-secret love for classic game show reruns. The way the women dress reminds him of Evelyn when she was young, though he thinks none of them are quite as pretty as Evelyn.

Gus used to run a successful restaurant in the Zuzu City suburbs and is a classically-trained chef. The stress of running the restaurant and being in charge of both the front and back of the house took a toll on his health and his doctors recommended he step back and find something less strenuous to do. With his proceeds from selling the restaurant, he built the Stardrop Saloon and now is much happier with his life.

Gunther is a local son of Pelican Town who moved away to attend grad school in library science. He had a job in Zuzu City but moved back when he learned of the theft of the collection. He secretly resents returning to Pelican Town, which he was eager to leave, but feels it is his duty to stay and ensure the library is taken care of.

Haley’s ringtone on her phone is the National Geographic theme. When she was young, her parents took her and Emily all over the world and she grew fascinated with other cultures and other places. She has planned all the trips she wants to take. As much as she and Emily bicker, Emily is her favorite travel companion.

Harvey and his family were very poor when he was growing up. When he was fourteen, his sister contracted scarlet fever and they were unable to afford a doctor’s visit. A local doctor from a clinic came by and left medicine at her own expense. This led Harvey to pursue medicine as a career; he could make much more money in Grampleton or Zuzu City, but he stays on in Pelican Town because they really need a doctor.

Jas helped Shane with his experiments in breeding the chickens. She has a natural head for science and once she got hold of Shane’s books, she plotted out how to look for recessive genes that would allow for chickens to be bred and emerge with blue feathers. She and Shane have a gentlemen’s agreement to not tell Marnie.

Jodi worked as a travel agent before she married Kent. She always envisioned the trips they would take as soon as they had the money, and then when Sam was grown, and then when Vincent was grown. She sometimes stays up late on the computer, looking at flight plans and planning the most affordable trips that would allow her to travel and see the places she most wants to see in the world.

Kent found comfort in another soldier when they were in the Gotoro prison camp. Though it became physical, it was more about finding something to hold onto than about the sex. His guilt over this relationship kept him distant from Jodi and his sons when he first returned. After confessing his indiscretion to Jodi, they attended relationship counseling. She has forgiven him, but he has yet to forgive himself.

Krobus is technically a liquid.

Leah earned an M.F.A. from Zuzu State, where she met and became friends with Elliott. Prior to attending her program, she interned as an apprentice carpenter in Grampleton. It was these same contacts who told her about Pelican Town and Robin, who let Leah stay at her home while she looked for a house to rent in town. Leah not so secretly has a crush of admiration on Robin.

Lewis, before becoming mayor of Pelican Town, owned a leatherworking business. He misses working with his hands, which is one of the reasons why he always visits the shopkeepers and is insistent on there being booths at the Stardew Valley Fair for the artisans in town to show off their wares.

Linus used to live in Pelican Town. He has a living relative in town. [REMAINDER REDACTED: SPOILERS FOR UPCOMING CHAPTERS OF “FIRE WALK WITH ME”]

Marlon saved George’s life the day of the mine cave-in. He was the only one willing to enter the caves and seek out the last missing miner. It was in the process of doing so that a falling rock blinded him in one eye. Despite his injury, Marlon managed to pull George to safety up through the mine shafts. Though his lost eye made him unable to be an active member of the Adventurer’s Guild, Marlon does not regret anything and would absolutely do it again.

Marnie wanted to be a veterinarian. She did very well in college, earning a degree in animal sciences from Zuzu State, and was on the verge of leaving Pelican Town permanently to pursue vet school when she interned at a vet’s office in Grampleton for a summer. She was so distraught the first time she had to assist with putting a dog to sleep that she gave up on the career and decided to open her ranch. She makes it a point to be present any time an animal has to be put to sleep to give it comfort, even though it wrecks her emotionally.

Maru got into science after Sebastian was completely uninterested in a chemistry set he got one year for the Feast of the Winter Star. She is still passionate about chemistry, despite her other interests in biology and robotics. She was briefly the most popular kid in town, despite being younger than most of the other young adults, when she learned how to make ice cream using ingredients found in any kitchen.

Morris was a child actor who had a small role in Junimo Forest, a nearly-forgotten children’s movie from more than forty years ago. He owns six of the known twenty surviving copies of the film.

Mr. Qi took Sandy on as his ward after her parents, who worked for him, died suddenly. He considers Sandy to be his own daughter and always looks out for her. It’s why the Oasis is still in business despite barely getting any customers.

Pam and Penny used to live above the library. Pam’s husband and Penny’s father was the former curator, who made off with the entire collection on a day when Pam took Penny to an academic competition her senior year of high school. The trailer was the only thing they could afford to move into. This was when Pam started drinking so heavily and Penny started longing so much to live in a house of her own.

Pierre holds a degree in economics that he wanted to use to help boost his family’s business. His secret stash is stock options that he has been investing in since taking over Pierre’s General Store from his father. Neither Caroline nor Abigail knows about this money that Pierre is sitting on.

(I am not the biggest fan of Pierre, in case you can’t guess.)

Rasmodius only built his tower after his daughter, Caroline, was born. He has looked over Caroline and her family ever since. Though his lifespan will last far beyond Caroline’s, he plans to watch over Abigail after she is gone, as well as any children Abigail has, or their descendants. His greatest regret is not being present in Caroline’s life as she was growing up.

Robin wanted to be a ballroom dancer, but at 5′11 was far too tall to actually enter the ballroom circuit. She met Demetrius at amateur ballroom dancing lessons and still knows how to perform any ballroom or Latin dances she learned. Her favorite dance is the tango because of the crisp precision required. After she retires, she and Demetrius have a plan to travel and dance the tango in all of the countries where it is taught.

Sam, despite a love of pranks, only ever really got in trouble once while in high school. He and Sebastian cut class and went to a local park, where Sam skateboarded and Sebastian smoked. A missed trick made Sam get so scraped up he had road rash for a month. After he got home, Jodi read him the riot act for once and grounded him from skateboarding until school was out. That was when Sam got into guitar and started thinking seriously about a career in music.

Sandy met Emily at a holistic retreat. She used to work for Mr. Qi, selling snake oil (literally - his iridium milk sells for a huge amount to those in the know), but was so energized by her encounter and conversation with Emily that she decided to go into running her own store.

Sebastian’s favorite adult in town (other than his mom) is Marnie, who recognizes in him a kindred spirit. Marnie taught Sebastian how to catch frogs when he was young and he still occasionally seeks her out to talk to and ask advice from. He vehemently dislikes Lewis because of his refusal to acknowledge his relationship with Marnie, and wants to see Marnie in a relationship with someone who will treat her right.

Shane was on track to be a major gridball star, and was the hope of Stardew Valley High, before getting in a car accident senior year. He almost lost a leg and had to spend six months relearning how to walk. He began drinking heavily afterward to cope with the constant physical pain. Marnie reached out to friends of his in Zuzu City, who had him come live with them and dry out. He remained sober until three months after he moved back to Pelican Town with Jas, his goddaughter. He started drinking again after working at JojaMart, much to Marnie’s dismay.

Vincent changes what he wants to be when he grows up on a weekly basis. Past desired jobs have included soldier (like his dad), musician (like his brother), teacher (like Miss Penny, but something fun like art, not yucky like spelling), game show host, Flower Queen, surfer, and astronaut. Jodi amuses herself by imagining what her son will wear to work on the weeks where he insists he’s going to be some combination of the above.

Willy is a veteran of the Ferngill Coast Guard. He is from the Fern Islands but vowed never to return after some of his siblings disputed his father’s will and caused a massive feud. He joined the Coast Guard as a way to stay on the water and get away from the islands. He was honorably discharged after suffering an injury on a rescue mission and decided to settle in the most peaceful seaside town in Ferngill that he could find, which led him to Pelican Town.

Once again, thank you all so, so, so much for reading “Fire Walk with Me”! I hope you enjoyed these headcanons and that they give you some insight into some of the way I’ve written characters in the story.

#stardew valley #headcanons

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blackkudos · 5 years ago

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Billy Dee Williams

William December "Billy Dee" Williams Jr. (born April 6, 1937) is an American actor, voice actor, and artist. He is best known as Lando Calrissian in the Star Wars franchise, first in the early 1980s, and nearly forty years later in The Rise of Skywalker (2019), marking one of the longest intervals between onscreen portrayals of a character by the same actor in American film history.

Williams was born in New York City, and raised with his twin sister Loretta in Harlem. In 1945 he made his Broadway theatre debut at age seven in The Firebrand of Florence. He later graduated from The High School of Music & Art, then won a painting scholarship to the National Academy of Fine Arts and Design, where he won a Hallgarten Prize for painting in the mid-1950s. To fund his art supplies he returned to acting, including stage, films, and television. He kept creating art, his work has since been shown in galleries and collections worldwide.

Williams’ film debut was in The Last Angry Man (1959), but he came to national attention in the television movie, Brian's Song (1971) which earned him an Emmy nomination for Best Actor. He has appeared in at least 70 films over six decades including critically acclaimed and popular movies such as, Lady Sings the Blues (1972) and Mahogany (1975) both starring Williams paired with Diana Ross; and Nighthawks (1981). In the 1980s he was cast in his most enduring role as Lando Calrissian, becoming the first African-American actor with a major role in the Star Wars franchise, in The Empire Strikes Back (1980), and Return of the Jedi (1983). He also delivered Lando as a voice actor in video games, animated series, and the National Public Radio adaptation of The Empire Strikes Back. He was inducted into the Black Filmmaker's Hall of Fame in 1984, and earned a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1985. Another enduring franchise relationship started with Batman (1989), playing attorney Harvey Dent, a role that was also developed into a villainous alter-ego, Two-Face, which he voiced for The Lego Batman Movie (2017).

Williams's television work has over sixty credits starting in 1966 including recurring roles over the decades in Gideon's Crossing; Dynasty, General Hospital: Night Shift; and General Hospital. Numerous cameos and supporting roles included being paired with Marla Gibbs on The Jeffersons, 227, and The Hughleys. Later work included voice acting in the series Titan Maximum (2009), and appearing on the reality show Dancing with the Stars (2014). His work has earned him numerous awards and honors including three NAACP Image Awards, and the NAACP Lifetime Achievement award.

Early life and education

William December Williams Jr. was born in New York City, the son of Loretta Anne (1915–2016), a West Indian-born elevator operator at the Lyceum Theatre and aspiring performer from Montserrat, and William December Williams, Sr. (1910–2008), an African-American caretaker, with some Native American ancestry from Texas. He grew up in Harlem on 110th Street, between Lenox and 5th, adjacent to Central Park North–110th Street station. He used to go to Central Park to see the Negro league players and the Cuban baseball league, “They were fantastic, and I wound up working with a lot of those guys,” (in The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings (1976)). He has a twin sister, Loretta, and they were raised by their maternal grandmother while their parents worked several jobs. His mom had studied opera for years, becoming an accomplished opera star who wanted to break into movies; the family was richly cultured, exposing the children early on to drawing, painting, theatre and similar creative experiences; Billy Dee would remain a fan of the arts including opera. In March 1945 he made his Broadway debut at age seven portraying a page in The Firebrand of Florence, Kurt Weill and Ira Gershwin’s operetta starring Lotte Lenya. His mom, who worked at the theatre, volunteered him for the part which he found boring.

Williams attended Booker T. Washington Junior High School where he had dreams of being a painter. He graduated in 1955 from the LaGuardia High School of Music & Art and Performing Arts in Manhattan, where he majored in arts with a focus on visual arts. The school would later be the subject for Fame (1980), and its derivative television series. While there he got a two-year scholarship for the National Academy of Fine Arts and Design in New York—which later changed its name to National Academy of Design—to study with a focus on "classical principles of painting". He was nominated at eighteen or nineteen years old for a Guggenheim Fellowship grant—for “creative ability in the arts;” and won a Hallgarten Prize in the mid-1950s. Although he had scholarships to pay for school tuition, he turned to acting to pay for his paints, supplies, and canvasses. His first Broadway theatre “big break” was a play, A Taste of Honey. He continued to struggle as an actor for ten years working as an extra, doing small and large theatre, and “slowly breaking into television and film”. During art school he gained interest in the Stanislavsky Method—experiencing a role contrasted with representing it, to mobilize an actor's conscious thought and will to in turn activate emotional response and subconscious behavior—and began studying at the Harlem Actors Workshop. It was run by blacklisted actor Paul Mann who embraced actors of all races; Williams also studied there under Sidney Poitier. He first viewed his acting as a way to pay for his art supplies, by the early 1960s though he began to “devote all of his energy to performance.” In succession he got an actor agent through a friend, started getting major Off-Broadway roles, then work on Broadway.

Career

Stage

Williams first appeared on Broadway in 1945 in The Firebrand of Florence. He returned to Broadway as an adult in 1960 in the adaptation of The Cool Word. He appeared in A Taste of Honey in 1960. A 1976 Broadway production, I Have a Dream, was directed by Robert Greenwald and starred Williams as Martin Luther King Jr. His most recent Broadway appearance was in August Wilson's Fences, as a replacement for James Earl Jones in the role of Troy Maxson in 1988.

Film and television

Williams made his film debut in 1959 in The Last Angry Man, opposite Paul Muni, in which he portrayed a delinquent young man. He was frustrated in the 1960s with the “paucity of parts for leading black men,” the majority of roles he wanted went to Sidney Poitier. He enjoyed doing theater and television, but “his slow-building film career ate at him.” He found LSD, a popular hallucinogenic drug with the era’s hippie movement to be a cure, “LSD saved my life ... I wasn’t doing it to get high. It let me get inside of myself.” Otherwise he is anti-drug.

He rose to stardom after starring in the critically lauded blockbuster biographical television movie, Brian's Song (1971), in which he played Chicago Bears star football player Gale Sayers, who stood by his friend Brian Piccolo (played by James Caan), during Piccolo's struggle with terminal cancer. The film was so popular that it was given a theatrical release. Both Williams and Caan were nominated for Emmy Awards for best actor for their performances. Williams said the role was the one of which he was most proud:

It was a love story, really. Between two guys. Without sex. ... It ended up being a kind of breakthrough in terms of racial division.

Having broken through, Williams’ success with Brian's Song earned him a seven-year contract with Motown's Berry Gordy. He became one of America's most well-known black film actors of the 1970s, after starring in a string of critically acclaimed and popular movies, many of them in the "blaxploitation" genre. In 1972, he starred as Billie Holiday's husband Louis McKay in Motown Productions' Holiday biopic Lady Sings the Blues. The film was a box office blockbuster, becoming one of the highest-grossing films of the year and received five Academy Award nominations. Through his portrayal he became “a full-fledged sex symbol, touted as the ‘black Clark Gable.’” Diana Ross starred in Lady Sings the Blues opposite Williams; Motown paired the two of them again three years later in the successful follow-up project Mahogany.

1980-present

Williams was cast as Lando Calrissian in The Empire Strikes Back (1980), becoming the first African-American actor with a major role in the series. J. J. Abrams, who would direct Williams in the ninth installment film in 2019, noted, “Lando was always written as a complex, contradictory, nuanced character. And Billy Dee played him to suave perfection, ... It wasn’t just that people of color were seeing themselves represented; they were seeing themselves represented in a rich, wonderful, intriguing way.” He would reprise the role soon after in Return of the Jedi (1983). Between the latter two films, he starred alongside Sylvester Stallone as a cop in the thriller Nighthawks (1981). The charm of his role as Lando Calrissian proved to be popular with audiences. Williams has voiced the character in the 2002 video game Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast, the audio dramatization of Dark Empire, the National Public Radio adaptation of The Empire Strikes Back, two productions for the Star Wars: Battlefront series, The Lego Movie, and in two episodes of the animated TV series Star Wars Rebels. Some fans were disappointed with Calrissian's absence from the first film in the Star Wars sequel trilogy, The Force Awakens, but in July 2018 it was announced that he would reprise his role in The Rise of Skywalker (2019), marking one of the longest intervals between onscreen portrayals of a character by the same actor in American film history.

Williams co-starred in 1989's Batman as district attorney Harvey Dent, a role that was planned to develop into Dent's alter-ego, the villain Two-Face, in sequels. However, that never came to pass; he was set to reprise the role in the sequel Batman Returns, but his character was deleted and replaced with villain Max Shreck. When Joel Schumacher stepped in to direct Batman Forever, where Two-Face was to be a secondary villain, Schumacher decided to hire Tommy Lee Jones for the role. There was a rumor that Schumacher had to pay Williams a fee in order to hire Jones, but Williams said that it was not true: "You only get paid if you do the movie. I had a two-picture deal with Star Wars. They paid me for that, but I only had a one picture deal for Batman." Williams eventually voiced Two-Face in the 2017 film The Lego Batman Movie.

Williams' television work included a recurring guest-starring role on the short-lived show Gideon's Crossing. He is also known for his advertisements for Colt 45, a malt liquor, for a five-year period starting in the mid-1980s; he would reprise his spokesperson role in 2016. Williams brushed off criticism—for the subtext of the ad campaign, ‘works every time,’ and the target audience—of the choice, "I drink, you drink. Hell, if marijuana was legal, I'd appear in a commercial for it." Colt 45 hired Williams “simply because he was so cool,” and went from trailing behind Joseph Schlitz Brewing Company in barrels produced, to “skyrocketing” a year after the 1986 ads ran to two million barrels in the top spot for malt liquor.

In the 1984–1985 season of Dynasty, he played Brady Lloyd opposite Diahann Carroll. Williams was paired with actress Marla Gibbs on three situation comedies: The Jeffersons (Gibbs's character, Florence, was in love with Williams and challenged him on everything because she thought Williams was an imposter); 227 (her character, Mary, pretending to be royalty, met Williams at a banquet); and The Hughleys (Gibbs and Williams portrayed Darryl's parents). In 1992, he portrayed Berry Gordy in The Jacksons: An American Dream. In 1993, Williams made a guest appearance on the spin-off to The Cosby Show, A Different World, as Langston Paige, a grumpy landlord, in a backdoor pilot for his own series. Williams appeared as himself on Martin where he provided Martin Lawrence's character with advice on getting back together with Gina.

Williams made a special guest appearance on the hit sketch comedy show In Living Color in 1990. He portrayed Pastor Dan in an episode of That '70s Show. In this episode, "Baby Don't You Do It" (2004), his character is obsessed with Star Wars, and uses this to help counsel Eric Forman (himself a Star Wars fan) and Donna Pinciotti about his premarital relationship. Williams made a cameo appearance as himself on the television series Lost in the episode "Exposé". He also appears regularly on short clips on the Jimmy Kimmel Live! as a semi-parody of himself. In February 2006, Williams guest starred as himself in the season 5 episode "Her Story II" of Scrubs, where he plays the godfather of Julie (Mandy Moore). Turk hugs him, calling him "Lando", even though he prefers to be called Billy Dee. Williams played Toussaint Dubois for General Hospital: Night Shift in 2007 and 2008. Williams reprised his role as Toussaint on General Hospital beginning in June 2009. Also in 2009, Williams took on the role of the voice of Admiral Bitchface, the head of the military on the planet Titan, in the Adult Swim animated series Titan Maximum. In July 2010, Williams appeared in the animated series The Boondocks, where he voiced a fictionalized version of himself in the episode "The Story of Lando Freeman".

In February 2011, Williams appeared as a guest star on USA Network's White Collar as Ford, an old friend of Neal Caffrey's landlady June, played by Diahann Carroll. In February 2012, Williams was the surprise guest during a taping of The Oprah Winfrey Show spotlighting Diana Ross. Ross and Williams were reunited after having not seen each other in 29 years. In October 2012, Williams appeared as a guest star on NCIS in Season 10 Episode 5 titled "Namesake", as Gibbs's namesake and his father's former best friend, Leroy Jethro Moore. On January 9, 2013, Williams made a cameo appearance as himself on Modern Family, season 4, episode 11 "New Year's Eve".

In 2014 Williams competed on the 18th season of Dancing with the Stars, a reality show/dancing competition partnered with professional dancer Emma Slater. The couple had to withdraw from the competition on the third week due to an injury to Williams's back.

Over the years, Williams has been a featured guest at fan conventions, mostly science fiction ones for his iconic Lando Calrissian role in the Star Wars franchise. Of his fan interactions he has said they have mostly been positive ones, "I love every single moment of it, I'll have an audience for the rest of my life."

Return to painting

In the late 1980s, Williams resumed painting devoting much of his time to the work. He returned to New York to star in August Wilson’s play Fences replacing James Earl Jones in the lead for four months starting in February 1988. It marked a turning point for him, returning home, and for him, the center of the art scene. He also renewed his friendship with Peter Max who had also trained, and sold art in the city, and renewed Williams' interest in painting. Within a two year span he “cranked out 120 original works of art.”

Williams is the Honorary Chairman of Thelonious Monk Institute of Jazz (TMIJ) in Washington, D.C., which fosters jazz education. TMIJ uses his artwork each year for its competition programs since 1990. He had his first solo exhibition in 1991 followed by many throughout North America, and later, the world. Around 1992, Williams, inspired by his friend and fellow New York artist Peter Max who had a teapot collection, started a cookie jar collection. Being an opera fan, he first found a jar in the shape of a singer in an opera gift shop by artisan couple Michael and Shelley Buonaiuto; later buying more than a dozen from their limited lines including ones of jazz artists Josephine Baker and Fats Waller. His 1993 self-portrait is at the National Portrait Gallery of the Smithsonian Institution (Washington D.C.) with a description that he “specializes in acrylic paintings combining traditional brushwork with an airbrushing technique;” he also works in oils. Williams painted a series of impressionistic portraits of the Tuskegee Airmen, the “African-American pilots whose real-life exploits changed the course of American military history.” He started the series in the 1990s but when officials from National Air and Space Museum (NASM) saw them they wanted more, and to use them in an exhibition. In 1999 they were displayed at the African-American Museum of Art, Culture and History in New Orleans, and in early-2000, the NASM in Washington, D.C.

He was commissioned for four paintings—including one of track and field star Jesse Owens sprinting, and another of a pair of boxers in a fight ring—for Nissan that were displayed at the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia. In 1997 he did paintings for Walt Disney Company’s Mighty Ducks arena for the Anaheim Ducks. From a description, circa late 1990s, at one of the galleries that carries his work, “Billy’s paintings are usually acrylic on canvas, applied with brush and airbrush. He also works with collage elements and has even created three-dimensional canvasses incorporating ceramic, Lucite, and neon light.”

He got permission from Star Wars’ creator George Lucas to sell lithographs of a montage of Williams’ iconic character from the franchise, Lando Calrissian. As of 2001 his paintings sold for an average of $10,000 to $35,000 (equivalent to $50,537 in 2019). "I call my paintings 'abstract reality.” Said Williams, “Sometimes I refer to them as 'impressions/expression.' It's the best way I can explain them." In early 2001 Williams was one of the celebrity artists painting seven-foot angel sculptures as part of the Oscar Academy’s sponsoring L.A.’s “A Community of Angels” charity project. The art angels were displayed for months then auctioned to raise funds for L.A. youth programs. In his online gallery biography, he states, “[an] interest in Eastern philosophy characterizes his images, first to record the physical reality, and then to uncover through the application of light, color and perspective. He cites Edward Hopper, M. C. Escher—the Dutch Master, Frida Kahlo, Tamara de Lempicka, Thomas Hart Benton, and the exciting, vibrant forms of African art as some of his strongest influences.” Williams’ work is included at the Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture in New York, and the American Jazz Museum in Kansas City, Missouri.

In a 2001 interview he said, "Either I want to drop dead with a paint brush in my hand or I want to drop dead doing a soliloquy on the stage, I love acting. I love it. I take my acting very seriously, but I also find it fun. To do what children do and get paid for it is a lot of fun. I'm very fortunate." In late 2007 he was a guest artist on a ten-day Princess Cruise liner. They bought about eighty pieces which they put on their cruises and then auctioned off. He was commissioned for another set of Disney paintings to be unveiled in 2011 at Disney’s D23 Expo, also in Anaheim, California. For those, he set iconic Disney characters Mickey and Minnie Mouse, and Goofy in jazz music settings. In a 2011 interview he said, “I mostly create abstract paintings. I paint what's obvious to the eye and then incorporate an abstract point of view, which allows me a lot of space to play in. I work a lot with acrylic and oils, mostly acrylic right now and do a lot of line drawings.” In a September 2015 interview he said he finds painting “cathartic” compared to collective film work, “When you’re painting you just lock yourself up in your little private world. And it’s all about you and your imagination and nobody else interfering with that. It’s a great exercise because you really start discovering who you are and what you are without a lot of assistance … and the moment you come up with something interesting it’s a success that’s really based on your own personal, private sensibility.” As of 2019 he has made around 300 paintings, which Williams sees as his legacy.

Other ventures

Let's Misbehave

In 1961, Williams recorded a jazz LP produced by Prestige Records entitled Let's Misbehave, on which he sang swing standards. The album, which was a commercial success, earned Williams a spot on Motown 25: Yesterday, Today, Forever (1983).

The album included the first-ever vocal recording of “A Taste of Honey”, a song by Bobby Scott and Ric Marlow later covered by The Beatles on their 1963 debut album Please Please Me. Williams was the first to sing the song in the U.S., on the Broadway stage with Joan Plowright as part of the original Broadway production of the play A Taste of Honey. Williams said of the album, “Recording it was sort of a lark. I did some singing in clubs, for a moment, and then I stopped. I have too much respect for singers to really think that I'm a singer.” The album was re-released on CD, Download and Streaming platforms in 2014 and continues to be available.

Thirty years later, in the early 1990s, he sang on a “celebrity-packed charity single,” “Voices That Care,” to honor U.S. troop of Operation Desert Storm, the 1990-1991 Gulf War, and supporting the International Red Cross. The single reached number eleven on the Billboard Hot 100, and number six on the Hot Adult Contemporary Tracks. Through sales and plays of the song Williams and the other celebrities became platinum-recording and Billboard-charting artists.

Video games

Williams voiced Lando Calrissian in the video game Star Wars Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast and Star Wars Battlefront as well as the spin-off Star Wars Battlefront: Elite Squadron. However, the Battlefront appearances were archive footage and his voice-appearance in Elite Squadron is left uncredited or unknown. He also played a live-action character, GDI Director Redmond Boyle, in the game Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars, which was released in March 2007. This made him the second former Star Wars actor to appear in a Command & Conquer game, with the first being James Earl Jones as GDI General James Solomon in Command & Conquer: Tiberian Sun. Williams voiced Lando Calrissian in 2015's Star Wars: Battlefront for the DLC pack Bespin and its 2017 sequel Star Wars Battlefront II.In the 2016 game Let It Die, Williams voices Colonel Jackson, who acts as the 2nd major boss players face.

Internet

In 2008, Williams reprised his role as Lando Calrissian to appear in a video on Funny or Die in a mock political ad defending himself for leader of the Star Wars galaxy against vicious attack ads from Emperor Palpatine. Williams is currently a cast member of Diary of a Single Mom, a web-based original series directed by award-winning filmmaker Robert Townsend. The series debuted on PIC.tv in 2009.

Personal life

Williams has been married three times, and has three children, and two grandchildren. His first marriage was to Audrey Sellers in 1959. They were divorced some years later, after which he apparently became depressed. He stated that "there was a period when I was very despondent, broke, depressed, my first marriage was on the rocks." They had a son, Corey Dee Williams, born in 1960. In 1968, Williams married model and actress Marlene Clark in Hawaii. They divorced in 1971. He moved from New York City to California in 1971.

He married Teruko Nakagami on December 27, 1972. She brought a daughter, Miyako (b. 1962), from her previous marriage to musician Wayne Shorter. Together they have a daughter, Hanako (b. 1973). In 1984 he bought a “Zen-like contemporary” home in the Trousdale Estates neighborhood of Beverly Hills, California; he sold it in 2012. He filed for an amicable divorce from Nakagami in 1993, but they reconciled, and were again living together by 1997.

Williams was arrested on January 30, 1996, after allegedly assaulting his live-in girlfriend, whom the police did not identify. He posted a US$50,000 bail. L.A. Police said the woman had minor bruises and scratches. The attorney's office filed misdemeanor charges of spousal battery and dissuading a witness. The woman later stated that the incident was her fault and hoped the police would drop the case. In a plea bargain, Williams was ordered to undergo 52 counseling sessions. In a 2019 interview, Williams says he never slapped or abused women.

In late 2019, Williams talked about his feminine side in an interview, and used masculine and feminine pronouns to refer to himself. Media outlets widely speculated that Williams might be gender fluid, but he clarified that he was referring to anima and animus: the feminine side of men and the masculine side of women in Jungian psychology.

Honors and awards

Primetime Emmy [Nominee] (1972) for Outstanding Single Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role in "Gale Sayers" in Brian's Song (1971)

Inducted into the Black Filmmaker's Hall of Fame in 1984.

Hollywood Walk of Fame

Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror Films

Film Independent Spirit Awards

Multicultural Motion Picture Association (Diversity Awards): Circa 2000-2001, Lifetime Achievement Honor

Black Reel Awards: Nom 2002 Theatrical - Best Supporting Actor for The Visit

NAACP Image Awards (NAACP)

Indie Series Awards

TV Land Awards

African-American Film Critics Association (AAFCA)

Behind the Voice Actors Awards

American Black Film Festival

Star on the Walk of Fame (1985) at 1521 Vine Street.

Saturn Award [Nominee] (1981) for Best Supporting Actor in Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Saturn Award [Nominee] (1984) for Best Supporting Actor in Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)

Independent Spirit Award [Nominee] (2001) for Best Supporting Male in The Visit (2000)

Image Award [Winner] (1972) for Best Actor - Motion Picture in Lady Sings the Blues (1972)

Image Award [Winner] (1977) for Outstanding Actor in a Motion Picture in The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings (1976)

Image Award [Nominee] (2001) for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture in The Visit (2000)

Lifetime Achievement Award for his outstanding contributions to the arts in 2006.

ISA [Winner] (2010) for Best Performance by a Guest Actor in Diary of a Single Mom (2009)

ISA [Nominee] (2011) for Outstanding Supporting Actor in Diary of a Single Mom (2009)

TV Land Award [Winner] (2006) for Blockbuster Movie of the Week In Brian's Song (1971)

TV Land Award [Nominee] (2003) for Most Memorable Male Guest Star in a Comedy as Himself In The Jeffersons (1975)

Special Achievement Award [Winner] (2012)

BTVA Feature Film Voice Acting Award [Nominee] (2018) for Best Vocal Ensemble in a Feature Film in The Lego Batman Movie (2017)

(2018) Hollywood Legacy Award

Books

PSI/Net (1999), ISBN 978-0-312-86766-9, novel co-written with Rob MacGregor based on an actual government program of psychic spying.

JUST/In Time (2001), ISBN 978-0-8125-7240-7

Filmography

Williams’ film debut was in The Last Angry Man (1959), but he came to national attention in the television movie Brian's Song, which earned him an Emmy Award nomination for Best Actor. He has appeared in at least 70 films over six decades, including critically acclaimed and popular movies Lady Sings the Blues (1972) and Mahogany (1975), which both starred Williams paired with Diana Ross, and Nighthawks (1981).

In the 1980s he was cast as Lando Calrissian in The Empire Strikes Back (1980) and Return of the Jedi (1983). He would portray Lando in the Star Wars franchise for nearly forty years, including The Rise of Skywalker (2019), and as a voice actor in video games and animated series. Another enduring franchise relationship started with Batman (1989) playing attorney Harvey Dent, a role that was also developed into a villainous alter-ego, Two-Face, which he voiced for The Lego Batman Movie (2017).

#04/06

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annashipper · 7 years ago

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Questions

Where is Emily? The last time we saw her hanging around Ben was on the 2nd of December, 2016 at the Sky Women In Film And TV Awards.

How come no one’s ever spotted Ben buying anything for either of the pillows? Does he wear his special disguise when going into department / toy stores?

Why did Sophie Hunter wear a maternity-friendly gown when she escorted Ben to the Jaeger-Lecoultre event despite the fact that she's as whippet-thin as ever?

Whatever happened to the unblurred, HD pics from the pap set taken on the 31st of October 2016 at JFK airport?

Are we ever going to get to see a picture of Ben, Weirdo, Pilo and Pilo 2.0 in the frame, in HD, with all of their faces unblurred, looking like a normal human family? Extra points if Weirdo isn’t smiling straight into the paparazzo lens.

Has Pilo 2.0 been christened yet? If so, have the paparazzi stopped camping outside Mottistone regardless of the fact that it’s such a celebrity hotspot?

When are we going to be treated to what Ben’s heroic wife has been constantly hard at work on since before the summer of 2016?

When was the last time Letters Live divulged information regarding what percentage of their earnings go to charitable causes?

Will Gambles be performing music on any London street corners this week? If so, will Weirdo be contributing to his worthy cause?

How does AnythingBatch spend her time nowadays?

How do the team of die-hard Weirdo fans that were running SHC spend their time nowadays?

Where is Pilo?

Where is Pilo 2.0?

Wasn’t Pilo 2.0 supposed to have “alien eyes like Ben”? All I see on the Heath pap op disaster is a baby with perfectly generic, normal human eyes.

Whatever happened to the Red Ribbon Stalker?

Whatever happened to Sophie Hunter’s logo? It’s been almost two years since it appeared on the internet, only to be removed from circulation less than 24 hours later, and we never heard anything about it ever again…

Why has Ben never supported any of Weirdo’s projects?

Why was Ben photographed escorting a blonde woman at the National Theatre on August 20th of 2014, 2 months and a half after the showmance with Weirdo had been launched at the French Open on June 8th of 2014?

Why can’t anything involving Weirdo and her “art” be straightforward? (LINK to the question which includes multiple sub-questions)

Since Ben is hounded by the paparazzi and they obviously know all three of his addresses in London, why hasn't a single pap ever photographed Weirdo going in or coming out of any one of Ben's houses in the past 4 years?

Why did Ben walk The Imitation Game red carpet without Sophie Hunter by his side at the London Film Festival on the 8th of October, 2014? Sophie Hunter was there and dressed for success after all.

Why were the interns working for SHC blurring Ben out of pictures when they were (still) trying to sell clothes and shoes?

Why does Weirdo not have a speaking part in this Showmance?

Why was Weirdo creating mood board(s) for a wedding gown which came straight off the rack, and photographed for Vogue wearing a wedding gown that didn’t match the one she was wearing on her wedding day (which came off a collection that was a year old by that time)?

Why is Weirdo the exception to every gestation rule known to humanity?

Why has Ben’s name been removed from the list of producers for The Current War on IMDb?

Since there was no public notice, how did the paparazzi know to set up camp at Mottistone on the IoW for Pilo’s Christening? Setting aside the fact that it’s a celebrity hot spot of course.

Why was Weirdo smiling at the paps both times (March and October of 2016) Pilo was photographed by paparazzi in NYC?

What was the reason behind all the fluffing of Sophie Hunter’s CV?

Why was Weirdo on holidays with friends during the summer of 2014 instead of Ben?

Why was Weirdo re-introduced to the world* in the fall of 2017, with no work to follow it up? (LINK)

Why did Weirdo yank Ben’s arm to put it around her shoulder while posing for the paps, but pushed him and his arm away from her as soon as she thought the cameras weren’t rolling anymore during a pap walk? (LINK)

Has Weirdo taken her husband’s last name or not? If so, why has no publication ever used it? If not, why did People run that article back in the day?

Why did Ben, who once said during an interview "there are rooms in my head not made for public consumption” suddenly become so open about his private life since he started his Oscar campaign in 2014?

Why was Ben giving weird quotes to ELLE about how important it is “to be able to have some fun with your currency” in 2014?

Since Ben and Weirdo had known each other for 17 years before they got engaged and have been together for... only Harvey knows how long, why had Guy Garvey, the singer of Elbow who is a dear friend to Ben, never met Weirdo before the wedding at the IoW? (LINK)

Why did SunnyMarch go into a “bidding war” (according to a Nonny who claimed to work for Picador: LINK and LINK) to secure the rights to a book that was being sold at 50% off, the minute it hit bookstore shelves?

Why are there never any sightings of Weirdo and the pillows in London when Ben’s out of the country alone?

Why is Weirdo allowed to have a previous long term relationship listed on her Wikipedia page, but Olivia has been erased from Ben’s? Will "they" erase her when they get divorced?

Why did Ben try to issue a kill order for a picture of his motorcycle parked outside his new property in London but not the 8 HD pictures of his firstborn son’s face taken in NYC? I’m asking about these two particular sets because the motorcycle pic was never published by any media outlet, and the unblurred version of the NYC pics were never touched by any publication either.

Why wasn’t Benedict Timothy Carlton Cumberbatch’s name printed correctly on the engagement announcement for The Times?

Why was Ben on the verge of tears when asked about the announcement of his engagement to Weirdo during his interview with Good Morning America? (LINK)

Why did a teacher (who’s linked to Weirdo) break the law by reporting on social media about Pilo and Ben attending one of her classes? (LINK)

Why did Ben’s mom ask Caitlin Moran to find her son a bird in 2013 if he was already in a relationship with Weirdo? (LINK)

Why hasn’t Ben tried to set up a directing / screenwriting / acting gig for his heroically hard working wife on one of the projects he’s worked on during the past 4 years? She could have directed his Hamlet, adapted the screenplay for The Grinch, played Eurus Holmes on Sherlock, etc. Why waste so many opportunities to share her boundless talent with the world?

Why did Sophie Hunter resort to plagiarizing an academic’s essay on Beckett to put together an article for The Guardian in July of 2015?

Why don’t Ben’s friends mention him on social media anymore?

If Skeptics are so vile, why don’t Ben’s friends defend him on social media? Especially considering his latest quote about being well aware of what everyone says about him on social media and assuming he’s so bothered by it all.

Weirdo’s resume, such as it is, features a few bit parts and the occasional vanity project. Where is the long, hard slog of crap work? Every artist, from those who have not been discovered to Beyonce, has a long string of unglamorous obscure work that they took to stay in the business. For many artists, that’s most of their careers: shooting commercials so they can afford to make the movie they love. Singing jingles while they wait to hear from the major producer. We have not seen that with Weirdo. Not by a long shot.

If Ben travels with his family and is never without them, why has no one ever spotted the entire family at any airport travelling together since Pilo 2.0 was born a year and a month ago?

Are there no family-friendly, vegan restaurants in NYC where Pilo and Pilo 2.0 could have joined their parents for dinner on the 3rd of April, 2018?

Why was Weirdo removed from circulation during the Pilo 2.0 pregnancy?

Did Weirdo ever get the memo that Ben is fiercely protective of Pilo and that he feels like he’s constantly being bombarded with possible threats to his wellbeing? (LINK)

Why does Ben who once said: “If you have an over-preoccupation with perception and trying to please people’s expectations, then you can go mad.” (to Empire magazine in 2013) care enough about people’s perception of his family to go on record stating his wife and child are not a PR stunt (on his Vanity Fair interview for Doctor Strange promo in 2016)?

Did the paparazzi who took pictures when furniture and dead plants were being moved into the rental place in Camden, where Ben and his family supposedly live while they’re waiting for his new property to be renovated, follow the movers from his old flat at the Heath to the rental place in Camden? If so, where are the pictures of the furniture and dead plants being moved out of his old flat and into the trucks? If not, how did they know Ben and his family were moving to a rental place, and who gave them the Camden address?

Have Pilo and Pilo 2.0 travelled to LA for the IW premiere / promo tour since Ben’s had to be away from home for more than a few weeks? If so, have Californian paparazzi developed a new respect for Ben's privacy between the pap walk extravaganza of August 2016 and now?

How did the fan pic that Ben and Weirdo took with 4 teenagers, at the Gallerie dell'Accademia in Venice on the 13th of February 2016, end up on a local paper? Did none of the 4 teenagers pictured have a social media account at the time? Has none of them created a social media account in the 814 days that have passed since?

How did Weirdo get 5 month old Pilo to sit still for 4 hours straight daily in order for him to Skype with Ben, while the latter was away from home filming Doctor Strange?

Why have the paparazzi stopped spotting Ben at airports?

Out of the full set of pics from the Bora Bora honeymoon in late February of 2015, why were some crystal clear, while all of the ones featuring Weirdo in a bikini were extra blurry?

Why was Pilo’s birth ready to be announced on People magazine on the 8th of June 2015, but then the article was removed? (LINK)

If Ben and his family have relocated to a rental house or into Ben’s new property, why does Google Maps continue to block the “street view” of his old street in Hampstead Heath? (LINK)

Why did Weirdo’s friends congratulate her on her birthday and on escorting her husband to the Oscars on her Facebook page in 2015, but not on Pilo’s birth?

When was Weirdo born? (LINK)

Why is the renovation for Ben’s new property not finished yet? 556 days is a bit long to wait out with one’s family, living at a rental place instead of one’s own two story flat, no? Especially when the owner is a multimillionaire who could certainly speed things along with handsome bonuses to his contractors.

Why did Weirdo never make a move to protect her belly when Ben almost ran her into a bin at LAX on the 12th of January 2015 and kept smiling for the paparazzi instead?

Why are Ben and Weirdo travelling sans the pillows again? Taking into consideration this quote on a German publication from Ben: “When I work I almost always bring my family with me. As of yet I’ve not been away from them a week. Since my second son was born it has been a weekend, I think. The time with the children is so precious that I prioritize them at any time. For me it is very clear: work is work, family is family. When I get home, I leave anything related to work outside the door.”

Why did Ben step in front of his wife, effectively blocking her access to a reporter at the Vanity Fair after Oscars party on the 22nd of February 2015?

Why have Ben and Weirdo not been spotted IN LONDON by the paparazzi while walking the street / out on a date since August of 2017? Is Ben wearing a mask when he steps out of the house with his wife and children that are definitely real and not a PR stunt nowadays? (LINK)

Whatever happened to Eggsbenedish? (however many people were running) That blog set the stage for the showmance, went away when they made sure people were talking, came back to do some damage control when things started getting out of hand, realised they were terrible at herding cats, deleted the blog entirely after the birth of Pilo was announced officially, and now someone has re-opened the blog, but of course all of the posts are gone.

Why did Weirdo not perform on the second Letters Live show (held on the 19th of May 2018) in NYC?

Why was Weirdo smirking during the NYC pap walks in May of 2018 while Ben was being pissy? (LINK)

Did Weirdo attend the LL event on the 19th of May 2018? If so, why didn’t they arrive together at the venue? (LINK)

Almost 2 years in, is it safe to assume Weirdo’s logo will never be ready to “go live again”? (LINK)

Why did ATCB try to pass a paid-for paparazzo shot off as a sneaky fan pic on the 6th of August 2016? (LINK and LINK)

Why did Ben become a brand ambassador for Hisense (a relatively low-end electronic and home appliances manufacturer) instead of signing up for one of the countless roles that major movie studios are presumably throwing at his feet?

Why was there a baity blurb on the Evening Standard about Weirdo’s ring back in February of 2017*, which was then removed entirely less than a week later, leaving only traces of the tags under the original article**? (* LINK and LINK) - (**LINK)

Why did the Fail never run any of the pictures they purchased the rights to from the Pilo 2.0 pap op at the Heath that were taken mid August of 2017? (LINK)

HOW???? (LINK)

Why is Weirdo’s name not listed among the people who have performed for Letters Live in Ben’s letter to the general public who visit the Letters Live official page on the internet? Did he forget about his “very cool” wife, is he just not that impressed by her “heroic hard work”, or does it turn out she’s a liability rather than “an asset, a tool” because of her overwhelming fetchlessness? (LINK)

Why was every announcement / milestone / major pap walk where we got some new bit of information regarding Ben, Weirdo and the most bizarre pregnancy documented in the history of humanity perfectly timed to coincide with Ben’s Oscars campaign and voting close offs back in 2014-5? Why is every outing / interview with weird quotes from Ben regarding his family still timed perfectly whenever Ben needs some free publicity to promote a new project, 4 years into this showmance?

Were the pillows in LA for Infinity War / Patrick Melrose promo? (LINK)

Why can’t the press get Weirdo’s name and/or face right 4 years after she’s been introduced (and then re-introduced multiple times) to the world, considering also that she’s supposed to be super duper mega successful in her own right? (LINK)

Is Weirdo really so bad at reading that the people running Letters Live (including, but not limited to her husband) had to create the entirely new role of Announcer of Names Of Talented People Who Get To Read Actual Letters On Letters Live, in order for the fetchless wonder to get a variation of her name mentioned in the press?

Did either of the pillows appear at Hay? Cause going through the Hay tags on Instagram and Twitter, I see a myriad of babies and children of all ages joining their parents at the festival, but I haven’t seen a single Nanny (and there were quite a few at the festival last weekend) mentioning they caught a glimpse of Ben’s pillow-y offspring.

Why is Ben’s ring missing from the main Hisense print ad (I’m assuming it’s the main one, since it’s the one featuring the Hisense and World Cup logos), but is there for all of the rest of the pictures from that shoot? Does the image of MarriedToAFamewhoreDismalBatch who is also a #fatheroftwo to two mostly invisible pillows not appeal to all potential customers of the Hisense product range? (LINK)

Why did Ben, an actor whom everyone describes as a consummate professional, skip rehearsal with Paapa Essiedu, Tim Minchin, Harriet Walter, David Tennant, Rory Kinnear, Ian McKellen, Judi Dench and Prince Charles on the 23rd of April 2016? Was the photo op with Weirdo at President Obama’s speech so important? (LINK)

Why does DorkyBatch never come out to play whenever Weirdo is around him, even though Ben has been pretty darn dorky / silly / happy during interviews / red carpets / promo sessions for the past 3 months?

How is it that when Weirdo was asked to contribute a piece of art to a Christmas bid for Anno’s Africa charity foundation in December 2016, the work she submitted appeared to draw inspiration straight from the art work her ex boyfriend, Conrad Shawcross, submitted for the same charitable bid? (LINK)

Why does the timeline regarding the proposal / engagement / wedding of much privacy and impeccable timing for Awards season voting closeoffs make no sense when one’s source is Benedict Cumberbatch? (LINK)

How is it that Ben’s heroically hard working wife who is a director, wanna-be-producer, playwright, curator, narrator, theatre operator, singer, mime, visual artist, clown, Wimbledon spectator, model, and… ACTRESS has been in no way involved with Patrick Melrose, a project so close to Ben’s heart, that is a 5-part series which involved a cast of 100 people (93 of the roles being speaking ones)? Is it that Weirdo didn’t want to steal Ben’s thunder, or just that Ben didn’t trust Weirdo to even stand in the background of one of the numerous scenes involving extras in the cast?

Why was Weirdo photographed consuming champagne at the London Evening Standard Theatre Awards on the 30th of November 2014, when she was already 12 weeks along and certainly knew she was “pregnant” at the time?

Why did Ben and Weirdo choose a remote location, only accessible by boat, where there are no immediate medical facilities in case of urgency, and which requires not-advised-for-pregnant-women vaccinations against tropical diseases for their honeymoon?

Does Ben understand anything about babies? Going by his interviews, he didn’t seem to know a whole lot about taking care of his firstborn (what with Pilo getting sunburned no matter how much lotion his parents put on him, skyping for 4 hours straight with his dad at less than 5 months of age, getting bathed after 11pm because it was the only time available to Ben during Hamlet, using a potentially toxic and filthy movie prop as a teether, being fed apple slices when it was still a choking hazard for him, etc)

Why does Ben keep travelling alone to and from London, only for Weirdo to show up at the final destination for a few pap ops? (LINK)

Why has Ben not tried to shield either of the pillows’ faces from the paparazzi on 4 separate occasions? He clearly knew how to do it for himself before Weirdo entered the scene and he started conducting set-up pap walks to prove how real and not PR-stunt driven his marriage and children are. (LINK)

Why were the Bora Bora honeymoon pics pulled the same day they were published on Popsugar, on the 24th of February 2015? How is it that Ben had both the motivation and means to issue a kill order for this set of pics within a few hours (while being loved up with his wife on their honeymoon no less)? Couldn’t he muster the same drive to issue a kill order for the set of pics featuring Pilo’s unblurred face in HD from NYC, which remained on sale on the (for hire) pap agency site for months? If he couldn’t be bothered trying to issue a kill order for the NYC set of pics, why didn’t he just buy the entire set off the pap agency site, and had them removed that way?

Did anyone ever find Weirdo’s name on any of the Oxford Alumni lists?

Why do the paparazzi only ever spot Ben and Weirdo out in public when Ben is gearing up to start promotion on a new project nowadays?

Was it a fortunate coincidence (publicity wise) that Ben and Weirdo got married on the 14th of February, 3 days before the Oscars voting close offs on the 17th of February in 2015? (LINK)

Bonus Question: Who is in charge of uninstalling PRStuntBatch and reinstalling Benedict Timothy Carlton Cumberbatch®?

#questions

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optimisticcritique · 7 years ago

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Gotham 4x14 - Review

Is this technically a review? Sometimes I wonder if I should call this “highlights” or “reactions” instead but I do share opinions and recap the ending so...kind of a review? I’ll stick with review I suppose.

Wait, why are you burning the mask? Did the hallucination mean nothing to you?!

I know it is supposed to be a bit revolting but the way that guy is eating that pickle makes me want one.

You know, if you had chewed quietly with your mouth closed, she might have let you live. #tablemannerscansavelives

"It's all about family" says the person that hired people to murder her father...

"Never said it was a happy family" relatable, unfortunately.

I don't blame Alfred for refusing. Bruce, you suck at apologies. Try actually saying the word “sorry” next time.

At least Alfred is giving him the chance to show him that he changed.

I was wondering why Ed hasn’t tried any pills by now. Dude, that cannot be safe. I hope you know what you are taking.

"cuckoo pills" lol just the way he says it.

"Who's it from?" That smug expression as he pretends to be oblivious.

Whoa whoa whoa *pauses to look at the letter and holds up giant magnifying glass* If there is a clue in here... I have no idea what it is. That being said, this letter of apology is amazing. I hope Oswald actually means it and doesn’t say “haha just kidding. I only sent it so you would find the clue and break me out” later.

"I think that's a nice letter" Okay, this made me laugh too much. I love you, you conniving piece of-wow, now I can’t get the riddler playing match maker out of my head.

The Riddler: "It's a nice letter...you should hear him out...possibly rescue him since you will already be there...cause some murder together while you are at it....maybe grab some dinner afterward...."

I just picture him pushing even further, “Remember the good times you shared? Nursing him back to health, murdering mister Leonard, being his chief of staff, hallucinating him singing to you seductively...” “I was not-those were-UGH”

"I'm never going to forgive him" never say never Ed. You are destined villain soul mates apparently.

"What has eyes but can't see?" I think you are having way too much fun. Also, I don't know the exact answer but I am betting it has to do with not seeing the bigger picture with the letter or the origami penguin message.

Jim, you totally interrupted Lucius. He was on a role! I know you are worried about your boyfriend Harvey being dead with plants bursting from his body but let's look at priorities here. Harvey has decent sized plot armor and Foxy probably won't get much screen time in this episode, let him finish a sentence.

"Too late" "No, we're not" He knows him so well. He just looks dead. It's how he sleeps.

Speaking of which, look at how sprawled he is on that couch....when there is a bed inches away from him. Like, honestly, I know he is probably hung over/drunk but that's not a bad way to sleep.

Harvey: *sees a squad of police that burst into the apartment* *thinks about what is most important* "Hey, someone's paying for that door!"

"You can't put this on me!" "I'm not putting it on you!" Oh, grade A bickering right there...

I guess you aren't a real villain until you end up on TV. How do the villains end up with this kind of connection?

"...once I find my pants" At least you noticed before you started walking down the street. That's progress.

The Narrows stealth squad is on the case!

"A complete set of encyclopedias...minus the T" *silence* "plus twenty bucks" *cheers and runs out*

Lol Ed. Yeah, don't blame them. Let's face it though, the main reason they weren't excited was because the T was gone. If it isn't complete, what is the point?

I have so many thoughts from this short scene.

First...what happened to the T? Was it stolen? Who stole it? Why did they want it?

Second... Pretty certain the reason he chose encyclopedias was because that is what HE loved and wanted as a kid. That was little Eddie's dream right there. Ugh give us more on Ed’s childhood already!

Third... Ed does well with kids! I want an Ed/Martin scene. I want him to give him encyclopedias, teach him riddles, play video games together, etc. as Oswald wears matching outfits with Martin and teaches Martin how to murder. Give it to me, Gotham!

"You couldn't even stop her from hypnotizing your own cops" fair point. Selina would have better luck.

Yes! I am so happy to see Selina say she is her friend. I love when the show focuses on these relationships and does not forget them.

Should have noticed something was fishy when Harvey actually did call, saying he got a lead. You know he would try to do this on his own.

Hit him Jim! Hit him like you did Lucius! ...Does Harvey have any hidden fighting/defense skills that we know nothing about too?

"Cognitive impairment. Definite check. Though, to be fair, how would you know?" The super extra hand gestures are always a delight.

Scenes like these make me laugh more than it should. It's like Ed doesn't need anyone else to make fun of him or insult his intelligence. He already has this covered....actually... this is also quite sad. As it is basically him belittling and making fun of himself...wow, I just totally ruined the moment for myself.

"The only way to get rid of me is to kill yourself" Oh no...no...I thought this might come up as a possibility but I just assumed the show wouldn't go down this way. Such angst...I mean, I like the angst and it makes sense but...it is so real.

I am kind of surprised that the "you shot my father" revenge decided to come into play now and not sooner. I guess she is more powerful and ruthless now but she had somewhat perfume power last season.

"I'm sure whatever happened was your fault" Well, she isn't wrong.

"So technically, your ex has been sleeping with your dead husband's mafia sister" lol well, when you put it like that, Ed... And this is what people who are not watching the show are missing.

Imagine if Ed actually did tell Lee what has been happening, his issues and all. Would it make things better? Worse? He should really talk to someone about his problems before going suicidal.

I never noticed how great Harvey's hair was...he wears the hat so much that I forget he has hair under there, let alone how long it is.

"I've only got myself to blame" ...okay, Jim. This is the part where you say, "No, don't blame yourself. I screwed up too." Harvey did make some bad choices but you shouldn't let him take ALL the blame, even if you think it is true.

"He's been everything to me...a teacher, a protector, he's been a father to me" That’s pretty ambiguous. Who are you talking about? Alfred? Jim? Your pet bird? I mean, he said he hoped he would give him another chance but didn't actually name names...

Crowd: "Yeah...but what about the foundation? What does this man taking care of you have to do with money? Where did the money go?"

Come on, Bruce! Don't give up so easily. You are supposed to be more stubborn than this.

This got dark fast. I know he won't kill himself but man...

He's going to try to get him to go to arkham so he can meet Ozzie, isn't he?

Those flowers are rather lovely...although, I would prefer ones that didn't cause mass murder as they grow within the bodies of those that breath them, thanks.

Yeah, you get them, Bruce! "This is who you are." Yes, thank you Alfred. Embrace it, Bruce. Embrace it! Honestly, it wasn’t that long ago when Alfred told him not to do stuff like this. Time really flies.

Geez Jim, why can’t you be more careful when you shoot guns.

If only he knew who he was chasing. Maybe he would use his time so much better if he was looking for Ivy instead.

Get used to the disappearing, Jim.

It seems Bruce isn't the only one that will wait and creep in the darkness to get a drop on you.

"Well, Selina Kyle turns out to be the hero" "I'm no hero" Maybe not but you are not as bad when compared to most criminals in the city.

"I wasn't running. I was getting this. " Thinking with her smarts there.

Selina, you are doing great. This is the stuff I love to see.

Well, at least she got through to her enough to not murder her or turn her into a human plant incubator. Progress.

Imagine if Ed was there with Lee. Wonder if they would have tried to shoot him dead too...

What is with Gotham and their hand fetish?

You know, I have seen hands get cut off and stabbed every which way in this show but the hammer...the hammer is the one that gave me sympathy pains and had me cringing. Poor Lee, it sounded painful.

Oh, Sofia, you are going to wish you didn't do that. You would have been better off if you had Lee as an ally.

"Arkham doesn't get many volunteers" Can't imagine why.

"You do know who I am, right?" It's like a famous person trying to get into a party. Except, I don't think this is a party Ed would want to get into.

Wow, Oswald with his tears of happiness. He looks so proud and excited that his love letter was answered.

Why does Oswald look totally insane in this scene? How long ago did he send the letter? I mean, he was miserable but he wasn’t quite like this.

Oswald: *is all excited, proud, and emotional* “He read my letter!” This seems like the same reaction someone would have if a famous person liked or responded to their tweet/email/fanart.

“I’m not talking to you Ed” Dang, first Ed was the third wheel in 4x12 with Lee/Jim and now here he is again with Oswald/Riddler.

"I'm talking to him..." wait...so he knew about the riddler being...okay, I admit, I did not see this coming. At all.

Ed looking back like, "You can see him too?" Honestly, he seems like he assumed Oswald knew nothing about what was going on so I can see why he might think that. Imagine how weird would it be if Oswald could see him. Like, it is not plausible but it would blow fans minds.

"I see the other you" Hmm...just last episode you said I know you and now this. I feel like this needs to be added to an analysis somewhere.

The way Oswald lets go... he's trying not to be too rough. He has made similar movements with Ed before.

Earned it? Through what? Solving your clues and willing to break you out? Even when Oswald has to say the name he still has to be this way, giving an excuse like that.

I really want to know how much Oswald actually understands. I don’t think he realizes how serious this is for Ed but it is all very unclear on what he does know. Great...this is going to bother me for at least a week now.

"Please....don't...." Well, this makes me sad. I don't know how to feel about this. I hate seeing ed like this.

"I need you....” *whispers* "riddler" Wow, okay. Thanks for this. That was more tender and sexual than intended.

The Riddler needed to be Oswald-approved with his kink before he could show up.

Then caressing his hand against his cheek...totally a normal thing to do with an ex-best friend and co-conspirator. This scene is confusing my emotions.

Ooh those laughs. They look so happy. The Riddler is coming! ...and with the Penguin! Nygmobbleplot begins.

This Alfred and Bruce scene is so touching.

"I'm home" yes, you are <3 Let's face it, the mansion is better than any place you were living any way. Cheaper, better food, more space, less getting framed for murder...

You better specify when you knew that she hired the Pyg, Jim. Don't want him to think you knew too early.

You decided to take her down now? It really should have been when you found out that she murdered her father but better late than never I guess.

I am curious how long Sofia will last. Granted, she has quite a few people on her side...but she also has many enemies. I can't see it ending well. Better book a vacation and get out while you still can, girl.

Over all: I enjoyed the episode a lot. It did bring some confusion on the Ed situation but I enjoyed it nonetheless. It is just kind of sad that it seems Ed/Riddler still is not “whole” yet. That being said, I need to see more before I make too many assumptions. I am interested in where it goes and excited to see what happen next. I am also happy to see Bruce changing his ways once again and seeing reunions all around. This should be fun now that everyone is back together again. Bruce and Alfred make up, Bruce accepts that he ready to save people again. Ivy and Selina have a confrontation where Selina tries to appeal to her friend, Ivy still flees. Harvey and Jim make up, plan to take down Sofia as Jim shares the truth with Harvey. Sofia crushes Lee’s hand that sends her to the hospital, essentially takes the Narrows more under her control. Ed deals with his riddler issues and ends up visiting arkham. The riddler has returned, teams up with Penguin, and is going to break him out of arkham.

Previous review: 4x13 Next: 4x15

#optimisticcritque gotham review #Gotham 4x14 #gotham tag #gotham #gotham reunion #this was an interesting episode #lots happened including lots of emotions #and lots of awesome reunions

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easyhairstylesbest · 4 years ago

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Dylan Farrow Would Like to Reintroduce Herself

Coat, Max Mara.

PHOTOGRAPHED BY VALERIE CHIANG

Scouring the fantasy section of her favorite bookstore near the Connecticut farm where she grew up, Dylan Farrow would pick out anything that “promised me dragons,” she says. She loved the fire and destruction of mythical beasts; conspiracy theories involving families plotting against their own kin; and the way women, children, and other small creatures wielded magical powers that made them stronger in those make-believe worlds than they were in our own. “I think it started out as an escape route,” she says. “For any fans of fantasy, whether they’re in my position or not, it’s fun escapism, a way to step outside of yourself and your problems, and, I don’t know, think about dragons for a while.” She pauses to clarify: “I’m not trying to escape who I am—I’m fine with who I am. I mean, it’s taken me a while to get here, but I can say with [some] degree of certainty that I’m okay.”

Still, the first time we talked, late last year, it hadn’t quite sunk in for her that she had her own debut young adult fantasy fiction novel, Hush, on bookshelves like the ones she’d perused as a teenager. In a lot of ways, the release of Hush has served as a debut for the 35-year-old author as well, in her new life as a full-time writer and working mother, defined by no one but herself. After all, for most of her life, Dylan has been known mostly in relation to the salacious scandals that have swirled around her famous family. She became a public figure not by choice, but rather because she was Mia Farrow’s daughter, or Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist Ronan Farrow’s sister. “I don’t feel like I have a father,” she says, but at one point her father was Woody Allen, Mia’s boyfriend of about a decade, who’d adopted Dylan as a child. Later, of course, Allen would go on to have an affair with, and then marry, her sister, Soon-Yi Previn. “There’s no support group for people whose sisters marry their fathers,” she says. “Or is he my brother-in-law? And is she my stepmom? I’ve got to joke about it!”

Dylan playing dress-up with Mia in the early 1990s.

Courtesy of Dylan Farrow

Then there’s the other scandal that she’ll likely never fully escape, now the subject of an HBO investigative documentary series, Allen v. Farrow. In 1992, when Dylan was seven—the same year the Soon-Yi affair blew up—she told her mother that Allen had taken her into an attic crawl space and sexually molested her, as Mia would testify in the ensuing custody battle. It was part of a pattern that Dylan later said went on for as long as she could remember, of Allen getting into bed with her wearing only his underwear, or putting his head in her naked lap. The custody fight was vicious and tore their family apart, estranged Allen from most of his children permanently, and became such a public tabloid spectacle that Dylan remembers having to be sneaked out of the back of her New York City apartment building with a blanket over her head so she could get to school without being snapped by the paparazzi. She still has PTSD from the ordeal.

A report by the Yale-New Haven Hospital Child Sexual Abuse Clinic, whose methods the judge in the custody case questioned as unreliable, concluded that Dylan was not sexually abused and that Dylan was either disturbed and made it up or had been manipulated by her mother. The judge gave Mia full custody, finding that the testimony proved “that Mr. Allen’s behavior toward Dylan was grossly inappropriate and that measures must be taken to protect her.” Allen appealed, but the appellate court agreed with the trial judge’s custody ruling. Although it gave more weight to the Yale-New Haven report, the appeals court found that the overall evidence, while “inconclusive,” “suggest[ed] that the abuse did occur.” New York State child welfare investigators later announced that they’d found no credible evidence of abuse. Several months after the custody decision was announced, a Connecticut state’s attorney announced that he had probable cause to criminally charge Allen but was declining to file charges to spare Dylan the trauma of a court appearance. Criminal charges have never been filed against Allen in the matter, and he continues to maintain his innocence. (Allen declined a request to comment for this article, but he has vociferously and repeatedly denied having molested her, and has pointed to investigations that cleared him of wrongdoing.)

“Believe it or not, the stuff that I wrote about in that essay does not encompass the entirety of my existence.”

If you know Dylan’s name now, though, it’s probably because in 2014, well before the #MeToo movement, she wrote a New York Times essay about that abuse, calling out Hollywood actors and asking whether they’d be so quick to celebrate Allen’s work had their own daughter been “led into an attic” by him. It wasn’t until her brother Ronan helped expose the misdeeds of Harvey Weinstein that Dylan’s accusations were given much credence. Dylan had emerged from obscurity to become a staunch advocate for survivors of sexual assault. But now she’s ready to emerge from that as simply a writer. “Believe it or not, the stuff that I wrote about in that essay does not encompass the entirety of my existence,” she says. “It’s a small part of 35 years of living.”

In fact, Dylan isn’t even Dylan Farrow’s name anymore. When she was eight, she changed it to a name she prefers to keep private, in order to psychologically distance herself from the events of those tumultuous years. But she’s been using Dylan as a sort of pen name, starting with the 2014 essay, to avoid confusion given that Dylan is the name in all the court documents. Among close friends and family, though, she says, “No one’s called me Dylan since I was 10.”

“I’m not trying to escape who I am. I’m fine with who I am”, says Dylan. “I mean, it’s taken me a while to get here, but I can say with some degree of certainty that I’m okay.”

VALERIE CHIANG

Reading Hush, it’s impossible not to see Dylan’s story in its themes. The book centers on Shae, a girl who is dealing with a lot and doesn’t really have time for boys. She’s “short but strong,” Dylan says, and she’s also doggedly determined to ferret out the truth—even as adults tell her it’s all in her head. The world she’s living in is falling apart, stricken by drought and a pandemic that Dylan swears she dreamed up well before 2020. A despotic leadership class wields magic to spread fake news, earn tithes, and control the populace. The written word, the people are told, will kill them; the pandemic spreads through ink. And it is only in trying to solve the murder of someone she loves that Shae finds out that she, too, can wield magic. But can she learn how to use it fast enough, when the truth is slipping away and she’s being gaslighted by powerful forces, causing her to question what she knows? Dylan says that of course the themes are partially based on her life, but readers shouldn’t try to draw too many direct parallels. “As I keep having to assert,” she says, “I do know the difference between fiction and reality.”

Fantasy writers like “Ursula K. Le Guin, Madeleine L’Engle, and Susan Cooper were all a big deal in our house,” Ronan says, adding that his older sister also “had an abiding love of anime.”

COURTESY OF DYLAN FARROW

After being awarded custody in 1993, Mia moved her large family, filled with biological and adopted children, many of them with disabilities, from Manhattan to their country house in Connecticut. Mia was determined to give the kids “the real farm experience,” Dylan says. They had horses, chickens, goats, and a cow who got lonely and tried having sex with everything, including one of the Farrow siblings’ wheelchairs. “It was a busy, noisy life full of children and animals,” Mia says.

Dylan now maintains a happy pandemic pod with her own family on that same farm, 88 acres with hiking and horse trails and a lake. She’s calling via Zoom from a home office with nothing but greenery and sunlight outside her window. Dylan, her husband (she asked that his name not be published), her four-year-old daughter Evangeline (whose name is already all over Mia’s Instagram), their pug Luna, and their English bulldog Nova stay in one house. Her brother Fletcher, who works in tech, and his wife and two daughters live in another. Their mother has a third. When we talked, Ronan and his fiancé, Jon Lovett of Pod Save America, had recently joined them from the West Coast and were staying with Mia.

Dylan’s earliest exposure to fantasy, she says, was a bedtime ritual of her mom reading The Hobbit to the kids. “My mom, I sometimes forget, is actually a really talented actress,” she says. “So she would read the bejesus out of this book, and it was the most epic thing I had ever heard. My mom would narrate and do all the voices. To this day, her rendition of Gollum is like canon tome.” At around age 11, Dylan wrote stories to read aloud to her younger siblings. “She kept them so enthralled,” Mia says. Ronan, two years her junior, says they both read a lot growing up. “Great women writers of fantasy loomed large for both of us—Ursula K. Le Guin, Madeleine L’Engle, and Susan Cooper were all a big deal in our house,” he says. “Dylan had an abiding love of anime, which I only dabbled in.” (Dylan says she also had an abiding love of Lance Bass of *NSync.)

Dylan casts a spell on her brother Ronan, whom she calls “one of the most important people in my life.”

Courtesy of Dylan Farrow

“I loved to play make-believe with Ronan,”Dylan says. “We’d play dress-up, and I’d sometimes let him play Barbies with me, if I was feeling charitable.” They collected pewter Dungeons & Dragons figurines and created a civilization for them. “We developed some pretty elaborate lore,” Ronan says. In her teenage years, Dylan wrote and illustrated a Game of Thrones–style novel, clocking in at “530-something” pages, that she says “was not fit for human consumption.” Its audience of one was her little sister, Quincy. There were dragons. The main character was an elf. There was a war. Some of it took place in space. “Every concept and every crazy notion I needed to express got chucked into the pot, and it went in a million directions and it was garbage,” she says. “I mean, my sister loves it to this day. She still talks about it.” Back then, as an author, Dylan felt supremely confident. “If I thought it was bad, I wouldn’t have written 500 pages,” she says, laughing.

The court hearings of Dylan’s childhood were, in many ways, a prosecution of her so-called “overactive” imagination. She’d described being in the attic with the “dead heads”—“which was literally because I didn’t know the word for mannequin,” she says. “I knew that people thought that I was using my imagination to tell lies,” she continues, but somehow that never affected her desire to write. Nor did Allen being a famous writer influence her in any way, “although it’s probably the reason I never wrote about New York and jazz and May–December romances,” she says.

In her senior year at Bard College, where she was majoring in art and Asian studies, Dylan decided to sign up for an online dating site associated with The Onion. This was in 2007, well before Tinder, “when dinosaurs roamed the Earth,” she says. At first, she wasn’t having much luck. “I signed up and there was, like, an influx of fifty-somethings being like, ‘Age ain’t nothing but a number, right?’ ” she says. “I’m like, ‘You’re barking up the wrong tree.’ ” Then she came across this “adorable” recent graduate living in New York City who described himself as a geek. “So I did the thing I’ve never done before or since, and I sent him a message and flirted with the guy,” she says. “I said, ‘You didn’t mention you were a cute geek.’ Winky-face emoji. I’m turning bright red telling you this.”

They met up at Grand Central Terminal and got pie and coffee, and the conversation never stopped flowing. After graduation, she moved in with him in New York. “He tried to kick me out,”she says. “He told me, ‘You’re finally independent. You should have the experience of having your own place, paying your own rent.’ I’m like,‘That’s really responsible of you, but that sounds like a lot of work.’ ” Dylan got a job as a production assistant at CNN, working the phones and the copy machine at the Nancy Grace show, mainly so she could continue to crash with her boyfriend. She was eventually laid off. “Journalism, it turns out, wasn’t for me. Wrong member of my family,” she says. When her boyfriend got a job offer he couldn’t turn down in South Florida and asked her to join him, she agreed. “In the back of my head, I’m thinking, ‘Well, I’d better get an engagement ring out of this,’ ” she says. And she did. They’ve been together for 14 years, married for 10.

Dylan has been writing stories to entertain her younger siblings since age 11. “She kept them so enthralled,” Mia says.

VALERIE CHIANG

Dylan spent the following six years in Broward County, living a relatively normal life. She worked for a weight-loss center, and later found a job as a graphic designer. Back at home, she’d write fantasy stories well into the early hours. “That was where I was finding my happy place,” she says. “I sat down with my husband at one point and I said, ‘Look, I spend every morning sitting in my car giving myself this pep talk, like, Today is going to be over at some point. And I can’t live like this.’ ” She did some soul-searching and realized she wanted to become a full-time writer. “My husband was like, ‘Okay, this is important to you. We’ll make it work.’ He’s a champ.”

So she sat down and wrote a novel. Not Hush, but a “casserole” of ideas. “It was about necromancers, set in a Spanish Inquisition–like setting,” she says. “It was maybe a little anti-religion; they were heretics.” Her protagonist was too old for YA, but the story didn’t exactly work for a broader fantasy audience either. “I wound up learning a lot about, you know, what sort of book gets picked up by publishers,” she says, laughing.

Around 2014, Dylan and her husband decided to move back northeast to Connecticut. Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine had come out to critical praise the previous year, garnering two Golden Globe and three Academy Award nominations, including Best Original Screenplay for Allen. The sexual assault allegation, the custody battle, and leaving Manhattan had all happened in 1992 and 1993. Dylan had started fourth grade in Connecticut, thinking she’d never have to worry about any of it again, except for the rare occasions when her mom went to court. “I sort of treated it as out of sight, out of mind, and I did that for about 20 years,” she says. “But then he was up for an Academy Award, and no one cared.

We were in the process of relocating, and I snapped and went crazy and the essay happened.” When she told someone close to her that she was thinking about speaking out, he said, “Well, why? Nobody cares.” When she told her therapist that “maybe this is something, someday, you know, nebulously, abstractly I’m considering,” he told her that it was a terrible idea and she’d undo all the progress she’d made.“Obviously, I didn’t listen to those people,” she says. “The thing is, in a lot of ways, they were wrong. But in a lot of [other] ways, they were right. In 2014, nobody really did give a crap. And I did undo all the progress I’d made.”

The essay caused a stir, but Allen kept his Academy Award nomination, and the star of Blue Jasmine, Cate Blanchett, won the Oscar for Best Actress. Meanwhile, Dylan had opened Pandora’s box. “I had to develop an entirely new skill set with different coping mechanisms based around having spoken out and the aftermath of that,” she says. “The difference was, I was doing this on my own terms.” She still struggles at times, “but on the whole, it does feel healthier to cope with it on that level rather than just ignore it. I think it’s also more helpful to the people in my life: my husband, my family, my friends. They know what’s going on now. I’m not just freaking out because I saw some random movie poster. There’s a method to the madness.”

Mia, Ronan, and Dylan in Connecticut, in 2016.

Courtesy of Dylan Farrow

Mia can see a huge difference. “She’s evolved from being a shy child to being much more assertive. And a lot of it has to do with coming out with her personal story and feeling less like a victim,” she says. “I do know that as a mother, my job, among other jobs, is and always has been to support her in whatever she needs. I’ve stood by her all these years, and I will continue to do so.”

Dylan has only seen three of Allen’s movies: 1973’s Sleeper (“As a kid, I think it was framed as, ‘Do you want to see Daddy eat a rubber glove?’ and I was like, ‘Oh yeah!’ ”) and two others, Alice and The Purple Rose of Cairo, neither of which Allen appears in onscreen. According to IMDb, Dylan appears in Alice, Crimes and Misdemeanors, and New York Stories, “which is really trippy,” she says, “because I don’t remember being in them.” For her Alice appearance, she visited her mom on set, ran up to hug her and say “hi,” and then ran off. She remembers the moment, but not being filmed. She also remembers being at the circus with two kids who kept putting their Cracker Jack in her popcorn. Years later, when she saw the movie, she realized she was watching herself. “It was weird, like seeing my memory, but with different people,” she says.

Triggers are all around her, and whether they’ll set her off depends on how she is doing emotionally that day. She’ll freeze up if she’s scrolling through a news feed and sees a face with thick glasses, or if she overhears jazz music. In the past, such things could leave her curled up in a fetal position. During a 2018 TV interview with Gayle King, Dylan burst out crying after being shown a recording of Allen denying the allegation. It hasn’t gotten better overnight—“It’s a process,” she says—but Dylan has been steadily improving since speaking out. “I try to take the mindset that I have a 100 percent success rate of getting through every single one of the panic attacks I’ve ever had; none of them have killed me.” In some ways, she says, it’s been a blessing to be Evangeline’s mother in this fraught time, to have to care for a small child and to know she has to hold it together for her. “My top priority is obviously making sure that my daughter is always safe, healthy, and loved,” she says. Asked what she says when others assert that Allen was just acting as a doting father, Dylan replies: “Let him watch your kid.”

It still baffles her when Allen’s fans come after her on Twitter, saying she’s lying. “This is something that I’m literally telling you happened to me. Who are you to say, ‘No, it didn’t’? I was there, you weren’t. Go away.” Still, it’s amazing to her that some people peddle the idea that her mother brainwashed her to believe she was molested and also to have PTSD from it—something she says Mia would have needed “military-grade torture equipment” to pull off. “It’s crazy that for some people, the idea that I was brainwashed is somehow easier to swallow than child sexual abuse,” she says.

“I guess I’m just way more vindictive than anybody gave me credit for,” Dylan says. “And I say that because it’s not entirely a bad thing. Vindictive women can get stuff done.”

VALERIE CHIANG

Dylan didn’t tell her mother and Ronan that she was going to write the essay until she already knew she was going to publish it. “I kind of wanted to wait until there were no take-backsies before I really discussed it with them, because I wasn’t sure how they were going to react,” she says. It was the first time she’d told Ronan what had happened in detail. “And he started crying, which I didn’t really expect,” she says. “He’s not super sentimental.” Even for Ronan, #MeToo warrior that he is now, there was a period of adjustment, of separating the family desire to put the past behind them with his sister’s need to expose her wounds in order to heal them. They talked often and at length, and in 2016, when Allen’s film Café Society was opening the Cannes Film Festival, Ronan wrote his own essay supporting his sister’s claims for The Hollywood Reporter. It was loud and splashy, and dominated all the press for Allen’s film. And in its own way, it led to Ronan chasing down the stories of Harvey Weinstein’s sexual assaults. “Dylan was absolutely a voice of conscience on this issue,” Ronan said by email. “I learned a lot, watching her come forward with her story, and maintain it consistently, year after year—even when I and others around her weren’t sure it was worth the blowback.”

“Without Ronan’s support, I probably would’ve felt completely adrift,” Dylan says. “He’s one of the most important people in my life.” What she didn’t realize was just how important those conversations would be to her brother and others, through his work.

“I thought he was just, like, calling me. It wasn’t until I read his book that I realized I was actually having this huge impact on him.” It bothered her, though, that her essay from 2014 “was kind of brushed off and ignored or sidelined or outright stomped into the dust,” but when her brother said the exact same thing two years later, suddenly people’s ears perked up. “I got salty at Ronan, because I was like, ‘Do people really need a white man to say the exact same thing to get people to listen?’ ”

So in 2017, in the wake of #MeToo, she wrote a second incendiary essay, this time for the Los Angeles Times, which questioned how all these men could be taken to task, but Woody Allen was still making movies. “[At age seven,] I wasn’t, obviously, given a platform, and I was not in an emotional state to take advantage of a platform. I was literally a child,” she says. “And it’s easy when you are a white man with a considerable amount of clout, power, and wealth to silence a voice like that, pin the blame on my mom, and spin the story for 20-plus years.” The good thing, though, is that Dylan has begun to recognize her own power. “I guess I’m just way more vindictive than anybody gave me credit for,” she says. “And I say that because it’s not entirely a bad thing. Vindictive women can get stuff done.”

“I never thought I would be writing about a dystopia in a climate where that would feel relatable.”

In the end, Hush hasn’t been an escape route for Dylan, but rather a way forward out of the darkness that has clouded her existence for so long. After her first novel about the necromancers failed to find a publisher, she decided to start over, “drawing on the themes and ideas that I was seeing percolating in the world around me,” she says. In 2018, as now, fake news and propaganda were hot topics, as was a general distrust of the system. “I never thought I would be writing about a dystopia in a climate where that would feel relatable,” she says. When Mia read it, she saw her daughter in Shae. “I see Dylan’s courage against monstrous thoughts and monstrous people and powerful foes,” she says. “Being disbelieved is part of the assault.” While she says she can’t speak for her daughter, Mia thinks that in writing the book, Dylan was able to reckon with her past in a way that was “bearable,” by creating a story “which is and isn’t about her.”

Hush

Dylan Farrow bookshop.org

$17.47

As of mid-January, Dylan was nearly finished writing the sequel to Hush, with only half of the final chapter and the epilogue to go. She’s found that it’s progressing faster and is more enjoyable this time around, because she no longer has the terror of being a debut novelist who, before this, “was a known quantity for something very specific—and something with a lot of morbid curiosity around it.”

She knows that curiosity will always be there. “I can’t completely disentangle myself from it,” she says. And the publicity for this book has meant a lot of “talking about the thing that I like least in the world. It’s always going to be the elephant in the room.” But no amount of fear can take away the pleasure of holding her book in her hands, and knowing that someone else might happen across it at a bookstore and take it off the shelf. Her simple hope is that “somebody will read it and connect to it and enjoy it and maybe not take it so seriously.”

Jada Yuan Jada Yuan circumnavigated the globe in 2018 as the inaugural 52 Places Traveler for the New York Times. Before that, she spent over a decade at New York Magazine and its websites as a contributing editor and culture features writer, where she profiled Stevie Nicks, Ava Duvernay, and Bill Murray, among others.

Dylan Farrow Would Like to Reintroduce Herself

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plldetectives-blog · 8 years ago

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Things I picked up on from 6B onwards

6x11

This was the car Alison and Elliot drive home in after the funeral. Notice how both passenger seat windows are about 1/3 open. Quite unusual isn’t it? If you rewatch the scene you’ll see this as well as Alison getting into the car first, followed by Elliot.

The car drives off to the left.

We see this scene just a few minutes later of somebody (assuming A.D. because who else would it be?) watching the liars in a car similar to the one Alison and Elliot drove off in. Interestingly, they close their passenger window which was open to about the same length as the one in which Ali/Elliot drove off. I know people can say that it was Elliot watching but if you look closely at the picture above you can tell the person was seated by the left window of the passenger seat. Alison would have been sitting there since she got into the car first.

Since Ali/Elliot’s vehicle drove off to the left, it would have enabled the angle view you see in the second last picture above. I believe they showed us the window open as a clue because when we see Sara drive off, all her car windows are completely closed. Why would Ali’s car have windows be open like that? And why would they show us the view of that vehicle in at least 3 different angles that I’ve shown above?

6x12

This dialogue stood out to be when the girls are talking about the mysterious text sent to them.

Spencer: “Who the hell sent that?” Hanna: Someone who has our new number. Aria: Like Ali? We all know i am at the top of her suspect list.

Aside from the four girls, only Alison could have had the girls new number.

6x16

The writers often use songs as clues on the show and the lyrics of one of them caught my attention. The song Breathe you out by Kaneholler started playing over a Spaleb scene and carried on to the scene in which Aria is seen working on the book in the brew and Ezra comes in (he left rosewood for days I think? and then returns).

If you look up the lyrics, you’ll notice that the song is about deception and betrayal. The lines in bold are played over this scene.

I should have known about you

And now I can see

Knowing that you got to me

It’s just a losing game

You played me like a fool

This scene could have been foreshadowing an EzrA betrayal, the same way songs such as Fresh pair of eyes (lyrics like: I want to be seen with a fresh pair of eyes..The single white tree in a black hood of disguise) and Every breath you take have done as they have been played over Ezria scenes in the show.

6x17

A Black SUV chases Emily near Two Cross Diner and Emily finds the broken handle form Melissa’s suitcase, which is thought to be the murder weapon used to kill Charlotte. This scene made me feel that the person driving the SUV led Emily to the murder weapon. They wanted her to find it so that they could get her prints on it, which they did, and then took the handle with them before Emily saw who the person was. I think this person was Charlotte’s killer. They wanted Emily’s prints on the weapon so they could frame Emily if the handle was ever found.

6x18

So we find out that it was Mona who called Charlotte from Two Cross Diner and she claimed that Charlotte never showed up. But who was the witness? Was it Sara? They would have had to be at the Diner when Mona was.

6x19

The roses with which the A note was, at the hospital where Ali was admitted were the same as the ones Charlotte was holding and ones seen at Alison’s dining table in 6x11. There is clearly a connection there, I think.

6x20

I found Alison checking herself into Welby quite suspicious. I understand she was scared as she thought she was having hallucinations of her dead mother and Wilden, but if I was her, I would have spoke to my husband (who is a DOCTOR by the way) before I made such a big decision. I couldn’t help but think it may have been used as her alibi for the night. Something else has been bugging me. Why did it take A.D. until the text sent after Hanna’s kidnapping, to sign their messages as A.D.? Why were the messages not signed as A.D. from the beginning?

7x01:

A.D. gives the liars 24 hours to find Charlotte’s real killer and the group worry about how they can solve this in such a short time. Mona: This is the first time we’ve been working together. That’s what makes it different. Spencer: Mona is right. It’s just like Ali told Hanna. All of us working together knew what happened to her, so all of us working together can figure out Charlotte’s killer. Spencer’s line here is very interesting because she is referring to when Alison visited Hanna in the hospital saying to her “The four of you combined. You remember more about that night than you think you do.” In 4x25, the only thing Alison mentioned that one of the liars didn’t recall (from that night) was the scene between her and Spencer when she dropped her pills.There was no other scene involving the liars that she mentioned which we already don’t know about. This line is making me think that maybe there is more to that night (and what Alison said), than she has revealed. I also find it interesting that aside from Spencer, Mona and Emily, everyone voted Alison as Charlotte’s killer. Toby also says something interesting: “She’s been on her best behaviour since she got back, but we can’t pretend the Alison that blinded Jenna never existed”. Even after all this time, they think she can do something like this, as if she never changed.

7x07

I think I found something that was deliberately put to catch our eyes (and I think someone has spotted it before). I can’t put a picture of it here but if you get the chance go to this episode and pause at 10:34 and then at 10:42. At 10:34, you see the things for Ezria wedding plans on a table but if you look closely at the bottom left of your screen, you will see a sheet on a folder that says “Patient sign-in sheet” and you see the folder again in front of Aria at 10:42.

Patient sign in sheets remain at reception to keep a record of those who come in and go and so the fact that Ezra has one in his apartment (that is filled out) raises alarm bells.

7x08

A scene stands out in which Alison is discussing The Winter’s tale by Shakespeare, in her class.

Alison: What happens to someone’s character when they are wrongfully accused?.. Queen Hermione…suffered for a sin she didn’t commit. So why would her husband or for anyone else for that matter put her through that? What did Shakespeare observe in human nature that rings true today?

Student: That some people like to troll other people.

Alison: I’d like to think that the Bard had something deeper in mind.

Student: But that’s what’s going on in the story isn’t it?

Alison: No, not really.

Student: The king’s ragging on his wife because she slept around him.

Alison: But she didn’t, that’s the point.

Student: Whatever, If you’re the king or the queen and people look up to you, you can say or do whatever you want, and get away with it.

Alison: Until your lies catch up to you.

I couldn’t help but feel that this scene was supposed to parallel Uber A’s story, that this game that they are playing goes a lot deeper than that. Maybe it is reminiscent of her own suffering considering her husband tortured her for thinking that she killed Charlotte.

Winter’s tale might be worth checking out for more clues and parallels.

7x09

The last scene in which Hanna hits Noels reminded me so much of how Charlotte died. The thing Hanna used to hit Noel with looked a lot like the handle Emily found in Melissa’s suitcase and she hit him at about the same place Charlotte was hit in. Did Hanna really kill Charlotte like she confessed (and so convincingly, may I add)?? She did leave the hotel room and she panicked about getting an alibi as soon as it was uncovered that Charlotte didn’t commit suicide. She also impulsively deleted the security footage of the hotel from that night even though leaving the hotel room at the time of murder does not make the person a killer.

Numbers

Sara was initially staying in room 214 at the Radley hotel. Episode 2x14, Through many dangers, toils and snares, has some key events. The main one that stands out is that Aria’s parents learn about Ezra and Aria’s relationship. The girls also find A’s phone in that episode. In reverse, if we look at 4x12, Now you see me, now you don’t, there are so many stand out reveals. The girls go to Ravenswood and find that there are two red coats (cece being one of them), Grunwald tells them she pulled Ali out from the ground, they find a lair that is being used to track their every move, Ezra is shown to be in Ravenwood and using the lair the girls found. Both episodes have Ezra in common.

Alison was admitted in room 204 in the hospital after her accident. If we look at 2x04, Blind dates, it was the episode in which the girls found Ian’s body (shot) with a suicide note and confession to killing Alison. In 4x02, Turn of the shoe, we are introduced to tippy the parrot that hummed the phone number that becomes the girl’s next lead in finding out about Alison’s murder, Mrs Dilaurentis reveals Alison could hold her breath for a while, and Toby reveals that A gave him information about his mother’s death in exchange for moving the RV.

Jenna and Sara were staying in room 418, and Sara Harvey was killed in that room. 4x18 is titled Hot for teacher and it has EzrA vibes all over it, and it could be a clue that Ezra killed Sara.

I noticed something by accident as I was looking for a particular A message sent in 7A. All messages sent by A.D. (in 7A) to Alison (or the ones she opens) are written in Capital letters and the ones sent to the other liars are in normal lower case. I think this is a clue that makes Alison the odd one out for a reason. http://pretty-little-liars.wikia.com/wiki/A%27s_Messages_in_Season_7

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funface2 · 5 years ago

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Column: Was a joke about putting kids in the microwave funny? Yes – Los Angeles Times

I think I’ve done everything at this paper except cover sports.

I’ve been a feature writer, a culture writer, a national reporter, a section editor. I’ve covered mass shootings, hurricanes, political campaigns, presidential conventions, Oscars, Emmys and film festivals.

I’ve written travel stories, obituaries and celebrity profiles.

But my favorite post is columnist, an assignment I’ve had at this paper, on and off, since 1992. It is a dream job.

Your work is to help make sense of this messy, beautiful world. You get to tell readers what you think, and why. You try to persuade, engage, enlighten and inform. All of it is an honor.

I am not immune to criticism, but I have a very thick skin. You may call me a bedbug, or worse. It won’t hurt my feelings and I won’t try to get you fired.

When I wrote for the California section, a recurring complaint from readers is that my political views had no place in the news pages.

“You should be on the opinion page,” they would say.

I have good news for the critics: The Los Angeles Times has finally put me in my place.

My first Times column ran in the old feature section — “View,” which became “Life & Style” before its final incarnation as “Southern California Living.” All those format and name changes were, in retrospect, a harbinger of the newspaper industry woes to come. Try as we might, we would find no magic formula to increase readership and advertising. The digital revolution upended all of that.

In the early days, I explored what many people would call women’s issues: sexual assault and abuse, reproductive rights, domestic violence, workplace discrimination and of course, parenting. They aren’t really women’s issues, of course. They are human issues, but my male counterparts here never seemed especially interested in those topics, so I had a lot of running room.

I also wrote about my personal life, hoping that my struggles and joys would resonate with readers, or at least keep them entertained. The greatest compliment I ever got was when readers told me they’d clipped my column and taped it to their fridge. (Does anyone do that anymore?)

Nora Ephron’s admonition — “everything is copy” — was my motto.

You soon learn, however, that everything cannot be copy; in the interest of marital harmony, for example, I gave my then-husband veto power over anything I wrote about him. He exercised his power judiciously.

My daughter, thankfully, was fair game. She couldn’t read yet.

When she was 3, I wrote about her intense tantrum phase, a shock because she’d been an angelic 2-year-old. I consulted her wry pediatrician, Harvey Karp, who would later go on to fame as the best-selling author of the “Happiest Baby” series of parenting books.

Karp always had the answers. Unlike 2-year-olds, who are clueless about their place in the universe, he explained, 3-year-olds have started to grasp that they are tiny and powerless, which creates anxiety, which can lead to outbursts.

He gave me a few tips, then added: “If all that fails, you simply have to go to the next step.”

“Which is?” I asked.

“Putting them in the microwave.”

The deluge of outraged mail accusing me (and Karp) of advocating child abuse confirmed what my English professor father had always warned: Unless you are a writer the caliber of Jonathan Swift, satire is very difficult to pull off.

I still think that microwave joke was funny, though.

Like the politics of so many urban, coastal Californians, mine are left-of-center.

Here are a few things I believe:

The job of government is to improve people’s lives. Corporations run the show. Gay and transgender people deserve equal rights. Racism, misogyny and patriarchy must be smashed, but never will be.

The Supreme Court’s Citizens United decision was a disaster. Freedom of speech is seriously endangered on college campuses.

You can hate the way Israel treats Palestinians and not be an anti-Semite.

Republicans only care about deficits when Democrats are president. If Sarah Palin had looked like Margaret Thatcher, she never would have made it out of the Alaska governor’s mansion.

I do not consider the label “secular humanist” an insult; it is entirely possible to be a moral and ethical person without relying on religion, or believing in God.

President Trump is a cold-hearted con man who is not just ill-suited to the presidency, but dangerous to the world order. I hold with New Yorker editor David Remnick, who, shortly after Trump was elected, said the whole thing felt like a “hallucination.” Still does.

We do not need a wall on our southern border, we are not being invaded by Mexicans and Central Americans, and separating children from their parents who are seeking a better life is betrayal of the principles on which this country was founded.

No one should own military-style weapons; if you want to shoot an assault rifle, join the Army. When it comes to the American epidemic of mass shootings, mental illness, ideology and alienation may play a part. But the availability of these guns is the irreducible cause.

I pray every day for the good health of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Anita Hill and Christine Blasey Ford are heroes.

Over time, my thinking on some issues has evolved.

After covering the abortion wars for many years, including the 2009 assassination of Kansas late-term abortion doctor George Tiller, I no longer couch abortion as something that is tragic but necessary. It’s not tragic; it’s a social good. It allows women to control their lives.

I accept that vaccines have injured a vanishingly small number of children, but I am appalled by parents who place their feelings and fears above science. Gov. Gavin Newsom should sign the new state bill that puts greater scrutiny on medical exemptions.

I don’t stop talking to people just because they disagree with me. I have spent endless hours in conversation with people who sincerely believe abortion is murder or that vaccines are poison.

One last thing: I will not argue with you about tacos. There are already enough people at this newspaper doing that.

Let’s block ads! (Why?)

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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago

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Artie Lange Is Not Ready to Die: F*ck Em All

Its hard being friends with the notoriously demon-plagued comedian Artie Langewhich, full disclosure, I am. This is in no way objective. I truly want the guy to live.

I first interviewed Lange in 2006 as part of the New York Posts coverage of the annual New York Comedy Festival. He had just sold out Carnegie Hall in a few hours and was on top of the world. Over the next few years, we met at comedy clubs from time to time. I mentioned how healthy he looked in a May 2009 Page Six item about his visiting Colin Quinns one-man show (which he mentioned in his book Crash and Burn). When I interviewed him again on Oct. 30, 2009, it was a longer talk this time, with a few insights that surprised me. He talked about the game comics play of initially sabotaging a set with the audience, then seeing if you can dig yourself out of that hole. I asked if he had ever thought that he might be playing the same game with his own life. You should be a shrink, he said.

Sixty-nine days later, I heard the news, like anyone else who follows Lange: that he was near death after stabbing himself in the stomach nine times with a 13-inch kitchen knife.

Then on Sept. 27, 2010, I got a call from comedian Dan Naturman, who told me all about Arties triumphant return at the Comedy Cellar, which led to an incredibly feel-good lead item in Page Six called: Artie Lange Thrills Audiences Again.

I interviewed him several more times over the years, and when my husband Pat Dixon, who is also a comedian, started his own show in 2015 at Compound Media, run by controversial radio legend Anthony Cumia, I told Artie that he ought to consider joining the network. To my surpriseand unrelated to me telling him that, as the pairing of two Sirius refugees is a no-brainer for anyone who follows shock-jock radioin August 2017, he started a new show with Cumia called The AA Show. Now, not only did Lange have a regular broadcasting outlet, but the HBO series Judd Apatow and Pete Holmes enlisted him in called Crashing, where he played himself, was a bona fide hit. His third book, Wanna Bet?, was inked, his standup was doing well, and so if you were doing any kind of predictive sequence, what happened next was no surprise.

Oct. 16, 2017: Artie Lange rushed to hospital, cancels weekend show. Dec. 13, 2017: Artie Lange Arrested After Missing Court Date for Drug Charges. Dec. 15, 2017: Artie Lange Headed to Rehab on Private Jet After Drug Charge.

Less than a month later, on Jan. 12, Lange returned home to New York and tweeted out to his 364,000 followers: Im back guys. Clean & Sober 32 days.

On Jan. 18, after celebrating Dave Attells birthday (Artie just turned 50 himself), Lange met me in between sets at New York Citys Olive Tree Cafe. To avoid the requests for photos from fans and occasional paparazzi, we sat in his SUV and drove around the city for an hour and a half before returning to the comedy club. With one hand on the steering wheel and one on an unlit Marlboro Red, Lange talked about everything from Harvey Weinstein to Donald Trump to Louis C.K. to Aziz Ansari to the fundamental question at hand:

Artie Lange doesnt want to die… right?

The following interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

Mandy: So I guess Im wondering at what point all of this is enough to get you to stop. Like, for instance, I have a friend who if he did cocaine one more time, the doctors told him his nose would collapse

Artie: Well half of my nose is gone. My nose has no septum. I mean Ive been snorting coke and heroin

Mandy: When was the last time you did coke or heroin?

Artie: Well I just pissed clean at Hazelden so thats 38 days. But heres the thing: 31 of them were in lockdown. So nows the real work. And Im not going to lie to you, its a struggle lying there every night.

Mandy: Whats the longest youve ever been clean?

Artie: Since I was 15, 11 months. And two weeks in my twenties.

Mandy: Do you take, what is it, methadone?

Artie: No, no. I was on methadone years ago. There was a methadone clinic on Eighth and 35th, and I would go there before Howard. They would give it out to me, like special, at 5:30 a.m. I had to stop doing heroin because I was losing my job. They gave me the methadone. Its fucking heroin, basically. I left during interviews to throw up. And I said, Well this is worse than fucking heroin, so why dont I stay on that. I take Suboxone now. Suboxone works well for me, and its accepted by society. It looks like a pill you take for blood pressure every morning, so thats how Ive got to look at it. It lets you not go cold turkey.

Aziz Im sorry is a better name. I dont have any respect for Aziz Ansari. Im glad nobody got raped.

Artie Lange

Mandy: You detoxed cold turkey in jail this last time?

Artie: Ive been in jail like eight times, and this past time, I detoxed. I kicked heroin, like lying on the floor. When I got arraigned, you always want to be very respectful in front of the judge. She was like, What are you doing? And Im thinking to myself, Well, your honor, Im dead. And you know, Im trying to stand up. Withdrawal, the physical stuff, people would see the first or the second day of withdrawals, girlfriends would say, Well, that was really bad. And Im like, You saw the opening act. That was The Clash. That was David Johansen. The Who is about to take the stage. The third or fourth day of heroin withdrawal, if youre a big user like I became, if youre not physically stopped from getting dope, youll get it. With heroin, I became an addict on the road. I always had money. Ive never had to steal. I dont judge those people. Like people say to me, Have you ever blown a guy for heroin? I say, No. But then again, no ones ever asked.

Mandy: If you do fall off the wagon again, are you scared of fentanyl at all?

Artie: No. A real heroin addict is not scared of fentanyl. Id do it in a heartbeat. I want strong shit.

Mandy: Have you seen the tiny amount it takes to kill you?

Artie: I dont know what it is, but draw it back one inch. I would accept fentanyl in a heartbeat. I had a fentanyl patch on in a mental home. It was unbelievable. Ive never ODed. Ive had dealers say, Jesus Christ. What the fuck. But the nose is bad now. I could get a brain infection. If I did it, anything would go right to the brain. But again, I heard that six months ago, and I went and used an hour after.

Mandy: So I mean… you must want to die.

Artie: No, I dont want to die. I want to be high.

Mandy: But that will eventually kill you.

Artie: Im 50. If you would have told me in 1995, if you tried to bring up 2018, it would be like The Jetsons. Id be like, What are you talking about?

Mandy: So youre having fun on borrowed time.

Artie: Im playing with the houses money. As far as Im concerned, Im an overachiever. A lot of money changed hands on the internet when I turned 50. I was so happy. Fuck em all.

Mandy: But I mean… your mom and your sister. Theyre the main people who keep you from wanting to to be reckless with the houses money, right?

Artie: Yes thats the… thats the worst.

Mandy: I called your mom when you were practically in a coma these last few weeks, and her voice was just so heartbroken. I dont think she thought you were going to make it.

Artie: Yeah, you know, my father left us with nothing. I love my dad. He was my best friend. But my father was a criminal. My dad was an impulsive guy, and thats what killed him. Just like my father, with me, there are real high highs and real low lows. Like my mother saw me at Carnegie Hall, when my book went to No. 1 on The New York Times bestseller list, and I think [Barack] Obamas was like No. 7. She has that framed. But then shes also seen me withdrawing in jail.

youtube

Mandy: Your mom discovered you when you tried to kill yourself in 2010, right?

Artie: That was not a suicide attempt. I was in such bad withdrawals. Believe me, I leave a note. The one other time, I left a note. But shrinks go, Youve never tried to kill yourself. Because there was always a mountain of drugs involved. I was in such bad withdrawals, I wanted to feel something different. I was by myself. I wanted to lose enough blood to pass out. When I woke up, I dont know, I figured Id put on a red shirt and go out. I didnt know my mother was coming over. They had an intervention planned that I didnt even know about. I go, Ma, you never planned a surprise party.

Mandy: Does your mom talk to you every day?

Artie: Yeah, my mother knows me better than anybody, but I dont tell her when I slip. You know, when Dr. Drew offered me 250 grand to do Celebrity Rehab, I thought to myself, Do I just want to kill my mother now? Like its going to be me and Dennis Rodman throwing up in the same bucket. I love Dr. Drew, but I knew that show was going to go off the air because the recovery rate is like zero. If Pablo Escobar were alive today, hed be running a rehab. Its such a corrupt industry.

Mandy: You seem to still get offered drugs a lot. I think about that scene in Crashing where its the super hot woman from Showgirls who has coke and wants to do it with you.

Artie: Gina Gershon? Yeah, you know, that episode is based on one of my stories. And if the woman who inspired the episode figures it out, shed be very happy with the casting.

Mandy: Do you think it was a good idea to leave rehab early?

Artie: I have to do this intense outpatient thing which is five days a week. I go in there in the morning, and I get piss tests there. Screen Actors Guild doesnt let you do that to people. Like its almost an NFL union. You cant pee-test people. Not that Im complaining about it, but I dont get fired from shows because ultimately its a forgiving business for stuff like that. People always say its a forgiving business. And, its true. Robert Downey Jr. came back, and hes like the best actor ever. But for every one of him, theres like two thousand Jeff Conaways from Taxi living at a right angle and nobody cares and they die alone.

Mandy: Youre just working so much right now.

Artie: The one genre where I have some juice is the radio business, and you know Anthony Cumia, I love Anthony so much now. I never really met him before. Were both sort of outlaws. Without this podcasting technology you know we both would be out of a job now, probably. Its such a weird existence I have right now. Over on one side, Im doing this crazy podcast with Anthony on Compound Media that I love, and then Im on Crashing which is an HBO-produced show I love, but which could not be more the other way. Judd Apatow is another famous guy who saved my life. Like, what a great person. Ive got books and stand-up, and Im still making a lot of money doing it. If thats not going to go away, theres not much of an incentive to stay in rehab.

Mandy: And Im guessing, from what you said, you dont want to leave your mom with nothing. So what about a gig like the one with Anthony Cumia. Is that enabling or is that helping you stay clean?

Artie: Let me tell you something: I love doing it. Its almost like therapy. A lot of people dont understand a comics mind. People are like, Youre going to jump right into stand-up? Yeah, thats what I have to do. I cant stop doing it. And Anthonys show is like from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. Its the most fun Ive ever had in my life. Even more fun than Howard. Because I was never uncensored on Howard. Its his show. Its Howard. So what was happening near the end when his life changed, he would meet somebody in the Hamptons, and we wouldnt know about it. Like me and Fred [Norris, the longest tenured Howard Stern staff member] wouldnt know about it. And then hed be friends with them, like somebody we bashed for 10 years. So Id say something about Richard Gere, and hed go, You got a problem with him? Id go, Havent we always had a problem with him? No, I had dinner with him. Well, can I get the memo? I dont give a shit. Ill put him on the fucking list. But I wouldnt not be able to make fun of Orlando Bloom. The show, I couldnt be on now. And he knew that.

Mandy: Anthony probably does a better Howard impression than Howard at this point.

Artie: Well the thing about Anthony is that hes the same guy off-air. But its not true for Howard. Howards a very fascinating guy. He must have an IQ north of 180. But the example I always use is that Hunter S. Thompson was a guy who destroyed like the wealthy and corporate America, and he walked the walk until the end of his life. He was a crazy maniac in Colorado and shot himself in the head. And Howard was like that for a while. He was making fun of all these people, and when he got a chancelike no one else has become an A-list person through the radiobut when he got a chance to be with those people, fans thought hes going to be like Hunter S. Thompson. Like you see them through the window eating, and hes going to bust through the window or moon them or something. And when he got the chance, like Jennifer Anistons wedding, he starts making out with Orlando Bloom.

Mandy: Metaphorically.

Artie: Right. And to me as a fan, its like, what the fuck have we been laughing at all this time? Me and my first girlfriend at the time Dana [Sironi], she was close with Beth [Ostrosky Stern]. And Beth is a sweetheart. I dont want to make it sound like Im bitter. I still love Howard.

Mandy: Who are the people from the Stern show you keep in touch with?

Artie: Well, theyre not allowed to call me. I swear to God, Ive had people tell me from the show they were worried they were talking to me. Look, Im a person whos impulsive, and I get very angry and I say things I shouldnt say. Its hurt me my whole life, and Im a junkie.

Mandy: You tweeted a few days ago, Look out Marci. Im talking to Howard without your permission, referring to his high-profile handler Marci Turk. Did you actually talk to Howard Stern?

Artie: No, I dont talk to Howard. We hate each others guts. He cant stand me for some reason, and Ive learned to hate him.

Mandy: Whats your reaction to Louis C.K.? And now everyones talking about the story that was written about Aziz Ansari.

Artie: Aziz Im sorry is a better name. I dont have any respect for Aziz Ansari. Im glad nobody got raped. But you know, I agree with Samantha Bee when she says it doesnt have to be rape to ruin somebodys life. Thats true. And what Louis did is despicable. That was a rumor for a long time. But if youre a couple of women at the Aspen Comedy Festival, youve got a lot going on, probably. And theres this comedian, who back then he wasnt famous, but hes always been respected, and they certainly knew him. And hes promising them shit supposedly, and its just because he wants to jerk off in front of them. Its just the creepiest thing ever. Louis was always overrated to me. He has like five jokes hes written that I like. But you know Ill go along with it, if it gets me spots. I just think hes overrated. To me, it was like the emperors new clothes came off. In the hotel room.

Mandy: Have you had any women approach you with any kind of Me Too moment, something they wanted to confront you about?

Artie: A girl? No. I mean, some people think Im a misogynist because of stuff on the Stern show. You know Ive never told anybody this, but this is how my family feels about sex predators: After I told my father about a high-school teacher hurting a girl I knew, the way my dad dealt with it was by waiting outside the teachers house, putting a bag over the guys head, and leaving him in a car for two days. My dad came back, disguised his voice, and he said, Stop fucking touching little girls. Im not condoning how he handled it, but thats just the truth. My father thought that was justified. You know, there are people who think Goodfellas is horrible. We think its a comedy. My momshe is the strongest woman in my lifeand she and my sister are my heroes. Any woman whos ever dated me will tell you, Im like, Are you sure? Can we get this in writing and an email from you? I think in Hollywood, its a case of these nerdy guys who dont know what to do with a woman, and they get a chance to do it, and they do something inappropriate. Like Ive never been a Casanova but Ive always been able to get a date. I think the more time you stay asexual in your adult life, you get creepier.

Mandy: Ive had several comics over the years tell me about their personal dislike for Aziz based on his standoffish behavior. Do you think theres any schadenfreude right now as he is coming under fire?

Artie: Im probably one of those guys. I thought he could follow me on Bitter. I dont like bashing of comedians in general. I hated the Dane Cook-bashing thing. And Dane goes on to make all that money, and that bitterness comes out. Then his brother steals millions of dollars from him. I wish Dane well. And you know, I think Aziz gets a lot of that bitterness, too. You know, his timing is perfect for comedy. But what he does at the Comedy Cellar is not going to endear him to anybody. What he does there, he sits in the corner like a young Dylan writing jokes, and he can do that at home. We get it. Youre a hard worker. But I guess were going to have to get over that, because a new generation of people is coming.

I think he was trying to figure out a way to get rid of me. I did the job for him, but I dont think he was rooting for it.

Artie Lange on Howard Stern

Mandy: Do you think that Crashing captures the changing culture in comedy at all?

Artie: Judd is so great at what he does, and so is Pete [Holmes]. The way Judd lets you improvise, and the money… see Ive never been involved in something that you might call a hit. Except the Stern show, but that was very different. Judd is so successful. The money HBO is spending. They shot it like a playyou dont have to do over-the-shoulder stuff. And the way that I talk and work, it was way better for me. Judd knew that. Like the scene in the pizzeria, Judd read my book, which was flattering, and he said, Just tell me stories about your life, about what can happen off-stage, so like the ghost of Christmas future. Comedy future. I think its great, because Judd lets us talk.

Mandy: I was relistening today to your very first Howard Stern appearance. And Stern is joking, saying, You need coke. Youre a lot better on it. He also says, Go out and get into more trouble, and well have you back on.

Artie: I know. But you cant blame anyone else for any of this. Howards genius is seeing which way the wind is blowing in society and acting accordingly. I think he noticed after the Janet Jackson thing, we started getting fined for stupid shit. Were getting $500,000 fines for jokes Im making about farting. The guy is a genius at marketing and comedymore so in marketing. I think he saw over time the way the show was going, and that it would not be conducive to have me on it. But he also knew that I was popular. I think he was trying to figure out a way to get rid of me. I did the job for him, but I dont think he was rooting for it. I think he conquered that era of radio with me. I wouldnt fit in now at all. I cant stand Gwyneth Paltrow. The contrast between the old shows is crazy. Like if you listen to shows we did of us talking about Jennifer Aniston or Ellen DeGeneres dancing in the 2000s. He said Aniston was a cunt. Even I was like, Jesus, it must be personal. Now he goes to her wedding.

Mandy: So whats going on with your health? The diabetes has gotten really bad? Have you had to amputate anything?

Artie: God no. The rumors have gotten really bad, havent they? No, the diabetes is under control every time I go to the hospital. But the thing is, its a confusing disease. One day a Twinkie could save your life, and another day it could kill you. Im not a good preparer so thats why I was bad in school. I was like, Lets get the fuck out of here and get to life. Which comedy lets you do. But yeah, with diabetes, youre supposed to measure your blood sugar every time before you eat. Im like, What the fuck, are you kidding me? Im going to take my blood sugar in the parking lot of McDonalds? Its bad, but when I go to the hospital they get me under control. So now its under control. Its fine, actually. But you know, give me two months out of the hospital and my blood sugar is higher than my credit score. Thats the signifier of a loser. They also put me on the liver list. I needed a new liver. But I went to a medical clinic someone recommended, and they gave me this special shit they put in the saline, it cost like $80,000, and my liver enzymes were like 900, which is like Mickey Mantle at the end of his life. And it went to normal, completely normal. My kidneys, my liver are all fine. The doctor said, Youve got the bloodwork, despite the diabetes, of an Olympic athlete.

Mandy: Have you thought about going down to Hippocrates Health Institute, where a lot of entertainment industry people have gone?

Artie: I did that once. Yeah, my sister found out about it. You need a prescription for an apple. I ran away from that in 2008. Howard said, go away for as long as you need to. Eight days in with these two other guys who were Stern fans who would have done anything for me, we just escaped in the one guys car. I got a $3,500 room at the Setai in South Beach, and I got a hooker and a bunch of pancakes. And I called into the show and said I have whiskey and pancakes with this Ecuadorian hooker, and he put me on the air. So I left early from that, and I was out of control. And Howard didnt think I was going to die or anything. You know, Chris Rock came in once and said, Howard, I think youve got to fire Artie. I love him. But he needs consequences.

Mandy: I guess my take is, from observing you from afar, youve said, Im clean so many times, and that youre always somebody who is going to use.

Artie: People think that I want to be someone who uses. I dont. I mean, I remember in Little League when I didnt use anything, I was very happy. When I am emphatic about it, in my personal life, I dont lie to friends of mine. But I can think of a lot of reasons why you dont tell your boss youre doing heroin, and why I lied to Howard Stern. Theres also a misconception I hate that Howard didnt care about me. He tried to get me help. Several times he said to me, Take as long as you want, and when you come back you have a job.

Mandy: So do you think some of the drug abuse comes from massive, massive self-hatred? That was the case for me, I know, and many addicts.

Artie: Thats interesting. Listen, Bernie Brillstein was talking to Norm Macdonald and me once. Hes the legendary manager who managed [John] Belushi, and he managed Chris Farley. And he supposedly said to Belushi and Farleyits funny he had guilt that he said this to Belushi, and 20 years later he said it again to mehe said, Well, whatd you get into show business for? Not to fuck hookers and do drugs? I was brought up on Sam Kinison and Richard Pryor. With Richard Pryor, I wanted to do almost everything he did, short of burning himself. And thats a terrible thing to think, but I got the opportunity, and I made every mistake you could make. I was like, Why not? The first time we went to Las Vegas with Howard, I fucked 11 strippers in four days. We were like the Rolling Stones going in there. Two years on MadTV aint exactly the Rolling Stones. The stuff Ive done with Norm Im so proud of because it was Norm, but it was never like a big hit. Like Dirty Work has become a little bit of a cult thing, which Im proud of. But with the Stern show, this was like rock-star shit. We flew into Vegas on a private jet, and theres a line around the block, and its all for us. Howard is married. Fred is married. Everyones married, and then theres me. The strippers going down her list, and she says, I guess Ill fuck him.

Mandy: Do you still talk to Norm Macdonald?

Artie: We communicate with text, like everybody else. He put a very nice thing in his book about me. He called me the last time, and he said, you gotta stop doing this. He was worried about me. I love Norm. Norm saved my whole career. Out of nowhere. I was about to start driving a cab again. I got the call for Dirty Work, and that led to everything else. Norm. Howard. Quincy Jones, who gave me MadTV. And Judd now. These are famous guys. [Bruce] Springsteen called me. And Apatow said to me, he said, You must be a really bad addict going back to this shit after all these people, your heroes, saved you. Hes right. I mean, Quincy Jones saved my fucking life. He also got me these insane privileges in L.A. County. Like my own shower. And I asked Quincy, How do you have so much sway in prison? He said, I made Thriller.

Mandy: So why do you go back to the drugs after you get clean each time? Is it the boredom?

Artie: Its the anger. Ill give you an example. Its a story I kind of keep on the down-low, but there was this girl that I dated in San Diego. She worked at an agency as an assistant. She was 23. I was 28, and I was on MadTV. And she was pregnantshe got pregnant, found out it was a boy. I was all excited, and she was scared to death because of how I had been living. Me at that age makes this look like Mr. Rogers. So the first place we made out was Zuma Beach, and she said, Lets go to that place. I want to tell you something. Shes crying, and she says, I had an abortion. I was mad, and I said, Why? And she said, You know, Artie, youre going to make your mark in this business, but I hope you do it before you die. And I cant deal with that.

Mandy: So anger is often the cause of relapses for you? Anger at the world?

Artie: It is a strange world. Its like rereading the Unabomber Manifesto its kind of like, I get it now. I dont agree with how he went about it, but he was clearly on the money about technology. Or look at the movie Network. That one scene, he lays everything out about what is to come.

Mandy: When do you find out if youre going to jail?

Artie: Feb. 23. You know, if they want to send me away for being a junkie, thats fine. The judge was very fair. Very smart. I dont know if she was a big fan of mine, but thats all right.

Mandy: When do you think you were happiest in your life?

Artie: You know, its funny. When I was broke, when I left the port as a longshoreman, and I decided to drive into New York City one night, I was 19 years old. When I started doing well, I was driving a cab, I was broke, trying to help my mother out. We were about to lose the house. And I told her I could go back to the port. She said I could keep doing it. But you know, I was happier during the struggle because of hope. I was 23, broke, driving a cab, parking a cab in front of The Comic Strip, which was the first place I passed. I would have [Joe] Matarese or [Dave] Attell watch the car. I was happier then, I swear to God.

Mandy: Hollywood can be fairly crushing. So many transactional relationships and people who dont care if you live or die and want to use you.

Artie: At the Stern show, I saw how toxic that entire environment was. You have some people who are without talent who just leached onto Howard. Talentless guys whose entire life is based on pleasing that one person. I saw people who werent comedians who thought they could sit in that chair and do what I did. When I went down with the heroin thing, they were clearly making statements about it. Like if I died, they would have been almost happy about it, I guarantee it. I saw the sharks swimming like Ive never seen before. I thought I knew a lot about people in a non-naive way coming into that job, but man, the way people wanted what I did for a living. What pissed me off is that they thought they could do it. And you know, theres a reason that chair stayed empty. Im done being humble with some things. That chair isnt empty completely because Howard felt like it; that chair is empty because he knows no one can do what I did. There are people who are funnier than me, but theres no one who would have been as honest, and no one who knows that show better. I left a lot of blood on that fucking floor, man. I told stories that cost me relationships with some people, and I didnt realize it. I almost got arrested. The DEA came to the fucking show because of something I said on the air, in their fucking windbreakers, to grill me about Heath Ledger because they thought we had the same heroin dealer. Im like, Why the fuck do you think that? I guess theres reasons they could. There was a security guy who worked the door, and he saw the whole thing, and he said, Artie, you are one entertaining fuckup.

Mandy: What do you think of Donald Trump, who used to do the Howard Stern Show quite a bit?

Artie: I love Trump. Ive had like four times when I interacted with him. I roasted him. Trump said I was the best of the night, but then Howard is so smart, he told me to tell the joke that was making fun of him in business. I do, and then Trump goes, Artie was the worst of the roast. He bombed. I had a CNN guy call me about it, and I said, Im not doing it. Because Im fucking rooting for him. And I golfed with him and Eli Manning once at his club. I did nothing but laugh along with him. Then I saw him at Howards wedding. Howard had bought out Le Cirque. But it was still small. I had played Carnegie Hall at this point, but it was so nerve-wracking. Billy Joel and his wife were there, two feet from me. Howard. Trump and Melania. Barbara Walters, Joan Rivers, Chevy Chase. It was a tough room, you know. And I killed. The first joke was how much Beth looks like Christie Brinkley, so I made a Billy Joel joke. And thank God he laughed at it. But Howard was drunk, and doing that great Howard laugh. I loved making Howard laugh. But Trump came up to me afterward, because other people spoke and kind of bombed, and he shook my hand, and he said, That was a very hard thing to do, and you were amazing. He respected that even though I look like a slob he could tell I worked hard. Because, yeah, you think I walked into Stern because I won a lottery? So I always respected the guy.

Whether youre for him or not, what he represents is that this country can vote out politicians and elect a game show host because theyre pissed off about stuff. You know, there are two guys on that Billy Bush tape. One guy apologized. The other guy didnt. One guys working at a gift shop in Kennebunkport. The other guys president. The fucking country likes alpha males. The Midwest does, I know that. And the stuff with the Mexicans. He didnt say he hates all Mexicans. He told the truth about the drug problem. How do you think I get dope? Trump just doesnt give a shit. You know, Louis C.K. wrote an op-ed piece, while he was, jerking off next to women, calling Trump Hitler? And its like, Calm the fuck down. It washes down what Hitler did. A guy who let the Mob take away garbage because you have to? The naivete of these people. If you build a building in New York, you have to deal with the Mob. Trump knows that. Ted Cruz lost so many votes during the primaries when he attacked him on that.

Mandy: What do you think of the porn star Stormy Daniels and Trump? I guess he asked her to spank him with a copy of Forbes.

Artie: Well, I think Ive done worse. Comparing him to Harvey Weinstein? Thats a fetish. Listen, if Trump has raped someone, of course I hate his guts.

Mandy: So for you, what has the reaction been to your latest near-death experience? From everything that Ive read on Twitter and Reddit and YouTube, I feel like half the fans are saying, I dont want to watch him kill himself anymore, and like, Ive stopped believing him.

Artie: The fact that I havent got it yet is hard to understand. I think theyre disappointed in me. It was an easier sell at 30 than it was at 50.

Mandy: Whats the best sobriety advice youve received, do you think?

Artie: To not make my Higher Power my career or another human being because it can disappoint you.

Mandy: Do you believe in God? Do you pray?

Artie: You know, Ill give you something Ive never told anybody. So my father was obsessed with Houdini the magician, and Houdini was obsessed with the occult. Houdini always tried to contact the other side, like dead relatives. So Houdini said, If I die, lets have a word. If the psychic tells you the word, you know, we talk. So my father said, when he was lying in bed, he had the plan to kill himself, but I didnt know that. He said, Lets do that. I go, OK. His father, who I never knew, died when he was 11. He got shot in front of him. His father worked at a factory. The Otis Elevator Company in Newark. It was a bookie, I guess. But he said, Lets make it Otis.

So Im in rehab this latest time, several weeks ago. And Im in the van, which the hilarious security guards call The Druggie Buggie. Or The Loser Cruiser, thats what they call it in jail. So Ive just come out of the shit, with the withdrawal part, and I looked better, I guess. It was a beautiful day. Where I went in Connecticut, it was like a Christmas card, it was unbelievably beautiful. And I said, I feel better this time. I felt really good. The sky was clear. I was with people I like, and they both said out of nowhere, I think youre going to make it this time. And I said, I guess I gotta think like that. And I stretched over, and there was a car that said Otis on it. The elevator at the rehab that never broke, they said, when I told them the story, the Otis Elevator Company was repairing the elevator. Listen, I dont believe in any of that shit, but that is the most spiritual thing thats ever happened to me. I tell my mother that, and clearly shes religious, and she goes, Dads talking to you. Im telling you, that was fucking freaky. So you know, just at that moment, when I had hope and I looked up and it was a clear sky and it says Otis, I was just like, Jesus Christ.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/artie-lange-is-not-ready-to-die-fck-em-all

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Artie Lange Is Not Ready to Die: F*ck Em All

It’s hard being friends with the notoriously demon-plagued comedian Artie Lange–which, full disclosure, I am. This is in no way objective. I truly want the guy to live.

I first interviewed Lange in 2006 as part of the New York Post ‘ s coverage of the annual New York Comedy Festival. He had just sold out Carnegie Hall in a few hours and was on top of the world. Over the next few years, we met at comedy fraternities from time to day. I mentioned how healthy he appeared in a May 2009 Page Six item about his visiting Colin Quinn’s one-man display( which he mentioned in his book Crash and Burn ). When I interviewed him again on Oct. 30, 2009, it was a longer talk this time, with a few insights that astonished me. He talked about the “game” comics play of initially sabotaging a determine with the audience, then realise if you are able dig yourself out of that pit. I asked if he had ever thought that he might be playing the same game with his own life.” You should be a diminish ,” he said.

Sixty-nine days later, I heard the news, like anyone else who follows Lange: that he was near death after stabbing himself in the belly nine days with a 13 -inch kitchen bayonet.

Then on Sept. 27, 2010, I got a call from comedian Dan Naturman, who told me all about Artie’s triumphant return at the Comedy Cellar, which led to an incredibly feel-good lead item in Page Six called:” Artie Lange Thrills Audiences Again .”

I interviewed him several more times over the years, and when my husband Pat Dixon, who is also a comedian, started his own prove in 2015 at Compound Media, run by controversial radio legend Anthony Cumia, I told Artie that he ought to consider joining the network. To my surprise–and unrelated to me telling him that, as the pairing of two Sirius refugees is a no-brainer to all persons who follows shock-jock radio–in August 2017, he started a new reveal with Cumia called The AA Show . Now , not only did Lange have a regular broadcasting outlet, but the HBO series Judd Apatow and Pete Holmes enlisted him in called Crashing , where he played himself, was a bona fide hit. His third book, Wanna Bet ? em >, was inked, his standup was doing well, and so if you were doing any kind of predictive sequence , what happened next was no surprise.

Oct. 16, 2017:” Artie Lange rushed to hospital, cancels weekend indicate .” Dec. 13, 2017:” Artie Lange Arrested After Missing Court Date for Drug Charges .” Dec. 15, 2017:” Artie Lange Headed to Rehab on Private Jet After Drug Charge .”

Less than a month afterward, on Jan. 12, Lange been returned to New York and tweeted out to his 364,000 followers:” I’m back guys. Clean& Sober 32 days .”

On Jan. 18, after celebrating Dave Attell’s birthday( Artie merely turned 50 himself ), Lange satisfied me in between specifies at New York City’s Olive Tree Cafe. To avoid the requests for photos from devotees and occasional paparazzi, we sat in his SUV and drove around the city for an hour and a half before returning to the slapstick club. With one hand on the steering wheel and one on an unlit Marlboro Red, Lange talked about everything from Harvey Weinstein to Donald Trump to Louis C.K. to Aziz Ansari to the fundamental question at hand:

Artie Lange doesn’t want to die … right?

The following interview has been condensed and edited for clarity . i>

Mandy: So I guess I’m wondering at what phase all of this is enough to get you to stop. Like, for example, I have a friend who if he did cocaine one more time, the doctors told him his nose would collapse–

Artie: Well half of my nose is run. My nose had not yet been septum. I intend I’ve been snorting coke and heroin…

Mandy: When was the last time you did coke or heroin?

Artie: Well I just pissed clean at Hazelden so that’s 38 days. But here’s the thing: 31 of them were in lockdown. So now’s the real job. And I’m not going to lie to you, it’s a struggle lying there every night.

Mandy: What’s the longest you’ve ever been clean?

Artie: Since I was 15, 11 months. And two weeks in my twenties.

Mandy: Do you take, what is it, methadone?

Artie : b> No , no. I was on methadone years ago. There was a methadone clinic on Eighth and 35 th, and I would go there before Howard . They would make it out to me, like special, at 5:30 a.m. I had to stop doing heroin because I was losing my job. They gave me the methadone. It’s fucking heroin, basically. I left during interviews to throw up. And I said,” Well this is worse than fucking heroin, so why don’t I stay on that .” I take Suboxone now. Suboxone works well for me, and it’s agreed to by civilization. It looks like a capsule you take for blood pressure every morning, so that’s how I’ve got to look at it. It lets you not run cold turkey.

” Aziz’ I’m sorry’ is a better name. I don’t have any respect for Aziz Ansari. I’m glad nobody get raped .” div>

— Artie Lange

Mandy: You detoxed cold turkey in jail this last hour?

Artie : b> I’ve been in jail like eight times, and this past hour, I detoxed. I kicked heroin, like lying on the floor. When I got arraigned, you always want to be very respectful in front of the judge. She was like,” What are you doing ?” And I’m thinking to myself,” Well, your honor, I’m dead .” And you know, I’m trying to stand up. Withdrawal, the physical material, people would realize the first or the second period of withdrawals, girlfriends would say,” Well, that was really bad .” And I’m like,” You learnt the opening act. That was The Clash. That was David Johansen. The Who is about to take the stage .” The third or fourth day of heroin withdrawal, if you’re a big user like I became, if you’re not physically stopped from get dope, you’ll get it. With heroin, I became an addict on the road. I ever had fund. I’ve never had to steal. I don’t judge those people. Like people say to me,” Have you ever blown a guy for heroin ?” I say, “No.” But then again , no one’s ever asked.

Mandy : b> If you do fall off the wagon again, are you scared of fentanyl at all?

Artie: No. A real heroin addict is not just scared fentanyl. I’d do it in a heartbeat. I crave strong shit.

Mandy: Have you insured the tiny sum it takes to kill you?

Artie: I don’t know what it is, but outlines it back one inch. I would accept fentanyl in a heartbeat. I had a fentanyl patch on in a mental home. It was unbelievable. I’ve never ODed. I’ve had dealers say,” Jesus Christ. What the fuck .” But the nose is bad now. I could get a brain infection. If I did it, anything would go right to the brain. But again, I heard that six months ago, and I moved and used an hour after.

Mandy: So I signify … it was necessary to crave to succumb.

Artie: No, I don’t want to die. I want to be high.

Mandy: But that will eventually kill you.

Artie: I’m 50 . If you would have told me in 1995, if you tried to bring up “2018,” it would be like The Jetsons . I’d be like,” What are you talking about ?”

Mandy: So you’re having fun on borrowed time.

Artie: I’m playing with the house’s money. As far as I’m concerned, I’m an overachiever. A lot of fund changed hands on the internet when I turned 50. I was so happy. Fuck’ em all.

Mandy: But I intend … your mommy and your sister. They’re the main people who maintain you from was intended to to be reckless with the house’s money, right?

Artie: Yes that’s the … that’s the worst.

Mandy: I called your momma when you were practically in a coma these last few weeks, and her voice was just so heartbroken. I don’t think she thought you were going to make it.

Artie: Yeah, you are familiar with, my father left us with nothing. I desire my dad. He was my best friend. But my father was a criminal. My father was an impulsive guy, and that’s what killed him. Just like my father, with me, there are real high highs and real low lows. Like my mother recognized me at Carnegie Hall, when my book went to No. 1 on The New York Times bestseller listing, and I reckon[ Barack] Obama’s was like No. 7. She has that framed. But then she’s also appreciated me withdrawing in jail.

youtube

Mandy: Your mommy detected you when you tried to kill yourself in 2010, right?

Artie: That was not a suicide attempt. I was in such bad withdrawals. Believe me, I leave a note. The one other time, I left a note. But diminishes move,” You’ve never tried to kill yourself. Because there was always a mountain of drugs involved .” I was in such bad withdrawals, I wanted to feel something different. I was by myself. I wanted to lose enough blood to pass out. When I woke up, I don’t know, I figured I’d put on a ruby-red shirt and used to go. I didn’t know my mother was coming over. They had an intervention schemed that I didn’t even know about. I run,” Ma, “youve never” schemed a surprise party .”

Mandy: Does your mama talk to you every day?

Artie: Yeah, my mother knows me better than anyone else, but I don’t keep telling her when I slip. You know, when Dr. Drew offered me 250 grand to do Celebrity Rehab , I thought to myself,” Do I merely want to kill my mother now ?” Like it’s going to be me and Dennis Rodman throwing up in the same pail. I enjoy Dr. Drew, but I knew that show was going to go off the air because the recuperation rate is like zero. If Pablo Escobar were alive today, he’d be running a rehab. It’s such a corrupted industry.

Mandy: You seem to still get offered drugs a lot. I think about that scene in Crashing where it’s the super hot lady from Showgirls who has coke and wants to do it with you.

Artie: Gina Gershon? Yeah, you are familiar with, that episode is based on one of my stories. And if the woman who inspired the episode figures it out, she’d be very happy with the casting.

Mandy: Do you think it was a good idea to leave rehab early?

Artie : b> I have to do this intense outpatient thing which is five days a week. I go in there in the morning, and I get piss tests there. Screen Actors Guild doesn’t let you do that to people. Like it’s almost an NFL union. You can’t pee-test people. Not that I’m complaining about it, but I don’t get fired from demonstrates because ultimately it’s a forgiving business for material like that. People ever say it’s a forgive business. And, it’s true. Robert Downey Jr. came back, and he’s like the best performer ever. But for every one of him, there’s like two thousand Jeff Conaways from Taxi living at a right slant and nobody cares and they die alone.

Mandy: You’re just operating so much right now.

Artie: The one genre where I have some juice is the radio business, and you know Anthony Cumia, I love Anthony so much now. I never really met him before. We’re both kind of outlawed. Without this podcasting engineering you know we both would be out of a task now, likely. It’s such a weird existence I have right now. Over on one side, I’m doing this crazy podcast with Anthony on Compound Media that I love, and then I’m on Crashing which is an HBO-produced depict I love, but which could not be more the other style. Judd Apatow is another famous guy who saved my life. Like, what a great person. I’ve got volumes and stand-up, and I’m still making a lot of fund doing it. If that’s not going to go away, there’s not much of an incentive to stay in rehab.

Mandy: And I’m guessing, from what you said, you don’t want to leave your mommy with nothing. So what about a gig like the one with Anthony Cumia. Is that enabling or is that helping you stay clean?

Artie: Let me tell you something: I love doing it. It’s almost like therapy. A lot of people don’t understand a comic’s thinker. People are like,” You’re going to jump right into stand-up ?” Yeah, that’s what I have to do. I can’t stop doing it. And Anthony’s show is like from 4 p. m. to 6 p. m. It’s the most fun I’ve ever had in “peoples lives”. Even more fun than Howard . Because I was never uncensored on Howard . It’s his show. It’s Howard. So what was happening near the end when his life changed, he would satisfy someone in the Hamptons, and we wouldn’t know about it. Like me and Fred[ Norris, a long time tenured Howard Stern staff member] wouldn’t know about it. And then he’d be friends with them, like somebody we bashed for 10 years. So I’d say something about Richard Gere, and he’d go,” You got a problem with him ?” I’d move,” Haven’t we ever had a problem with him ?”” No, I had dinner with him .”” Well, can I get the memo? I don’t give a shit. I’ll set him on the fucking list .” But I wouldn’t not be allowed to make fun of Orlando Bloom. The present, I couldn’t be on now. And he knew that.

Mandy: Anthony likely does a better Howard impression than Howard at this level.

Artie: Well the thing about Anthony is that he’s the same guy off-air. But it’s not true for Howard. Howard’s a very fascinating guy. He must have an IQ north of 180. But the instance I ever use is that Hunter S. Thompson was a guy who destroyed like the wealthy and corporate America, and he walked the stroll until the end of his life. He was a crazy maniac in Colorado and shot himself in the chief. And Howard was like that for a while. He was making fun of all these people, and when he got a chance–like nobody is has become an -Alist person through the radio–but when he got a chance to be with those people, fans thought he’s going to be like Hunter S. Thompson. Like you watch them through the window eating, and he’s going to bust through the window or moon them or something. And when he got the opportunity, like Jennifer Aniston’s wedding, he starts making out with Orlando Bloom.

Mandy : b> Metaphorically.

Artie : b> Right. And to me as a devotee, it’s like, what the fuck have we been laughing at all this time? Me and my first girlfriend at the time Dana[ Sironi ], she was close with Beth[ Ostrosky Stern ]. And Beth is a sweetheart. I don’t want to make it sound like I’m bitter. I still desire Howard.

Mandy: Who are the people from the Stern prove you keep in touch with?

Artie: Well, they’re not allowed to call me. I swear to God, I’ve had people tell me from the show they were worried they were talking to me. Appear, I’m a person who’s impulsive, and I get very angry and I say things I shouldn’t say. It’s hurt me my whole life, and I’m a junkie.

Mandy : b> You tweeted a few weeks ago,” Look out Marci. I’m talking to Howard without your permission ,” referring to his high-profile handler Marci Turk. Did you actually talk to Howard Stern?

Artie : b> No, I don’t talk to Howard. We dislike each other’s intestines. He can’t stand me for some reason, and I’ve learned to detest him.

Mandy: What’s your reaction to Louis C.K .? And now everyone’s talking about the tale that was written about Aziz Ansari.

Artie: Aziz ” I’m sorry” is a better name. I don’t have any respect for Aziz Ansari. I’m glad nobody get raped. But you know, I agree with Samantha Bee when she says it doesn’t have to be rape to ruin somebody’s life. That’s true. And what Louis did is despicable. That was a rumor for a long time. But if you’re a couple of women at the Aspen Comedy Festival, you’ve got a lot going on, likely. And there’s this comedian, who back then he wasn’t famous, but he’s always been respected, and they surely knew him. And he’s promising them shit supposedly, and it’s just because he wants to jerk off in front of them. It’s just the creepiest thing ever. Louis was always overrated to me. He has like five jokes he’s written that I like. But you are familiar with I’ll go along with it, if it gets me spots. I just think he’s overrated. To me, it was like the emperor’s new clothes came off. In the inn room.

Mandy: Have you had any women approach you with any kind of” Me Too” instant, something they wanted to confront you about?

Artie: A girl? No. I signify, some people reckon I’m a misogynist because of material on the Stern display. You know I’ve never told anybody this, but this is how their own families been thinking about sexuality predators: After I told my father about a high-school teacher injuring a girl I knew, the style my papa dealt with it was by waiting outside the teacher’s mansion, putting a suitcase over the guy’s brain, and leaving him in a car for two days. My dad is coming, disguised his voice, and he said,” Stop fucking touching little girls .” I’m not condoning how he handled it, but that’s just the truth. My father-god thought that was justified. You know, there are people who think Goodfellas is horrible. We think it’s a comedy. My mom–she is the strongest lady in my life–and she and my sister are my heroes. Any lady who’s ever dated me will tell you, I’m like,” Are you sure? Can we get this in writing and an email from you ?” I think in Hollywood, it’s a instance of these nerdy guys who don’t know what to do with a woman, and they get a chance to do it, and they do something inappropriate. Like I’ve never been a Casanova but I’ve always been able to get a date. I suppose the more hour you stay asexual in your adult life, you get creepier.

Mandy: I’ve had several comics over the years tell me about their personal disfavour for Aziz based on his standoffish behavior. Do you think there’s any schadenfreude right now as he is coming under fire?

Artie: I’m likely one of those guys. I thought he could “re coming with me” on Bitter . I don’t like bashing of comedians in general. I disliked the Dane Cook-bashing thing. And Dane goes on to make all that fund, and that bitterness comes out. Then two brothers steals billions of dollars from him. I wish Dane well. And you know, I reckon Aziz gets a lot of that bitterness, too. You know, his timing is perfect for slapstick. But what he does at the Comedy Cellar is not going to endear him to anybody. What he does there, he sits in the corner like a young Dylan writing gags, and he can do that at home. We get it. You’re a hard worker. But I guess we’re going to have to get over that, because a new generation of people is coming.

” I think he was trying to figure out a style to get rid of me. I did the job for him, but I don’t think he was rooting for it .” div>

— Artie Lange on Howard Stern

Mandy: Do you think that Crashing captures the changing culture in slapstick at all?

Artie: Judd is so great at what he does, and so is Pete[ Holmes ]. The style Judd lets you improvise, and the money … insure I’ve never been involved in something that you might call” a reach .” Except the Stern demonstrate, but that was very different. Judd is so successful. The money HBO is expending. They shot it like a play–you don’t have to do over-the-shoulder stuff. And the route that I talk and run, “its been” lane better for me. Judd knew that. Like the scene in the pizzeria, Judd read my volume, which is now being flattering, and he said,” Just tell me tales about their own lives, about what can happen off-stage ,” so like the specter of Christmas future. Comedy future. I think it’s great, because Judd lets us talk.

Mandy: I was relistening today to your very first Howard Stern appearing. And Stern is joking, saying,” You need coke. You’re a lot better on it .” He also says,” Go out and get into more hassle, and we’ll have you back on .”

Artie: I know. But you can’t blame anyone else for any of this. Howard’s genius is ascertaining which way the wind is blowing in society and acting accordingly. I think he noticed after the Janet Jackson thing, we started get fined for stupid shit. We’re getting $500,000 fines for gags I’m making about farting. The guy is a genius at marketing and comedy–more so in marketing. I think he saw over time the style the indicate was going, and that it would not be conducive to have me on it. But he likewise knew that I was popular. I think he was trying to figure out a route to get rid of me. I did the job for him, but I don’t think he was rooting for it. I think he conquered that age of radio with me. I wouldn’t fit in now at all. I can’t stand Gwyneth Paltrow. The contrast between the age-old shows is crazy. Like if you listen to shows we did of us talking about Jennifer Aniston or Ellen DeGeneres dancing in the 2000 s. He said Aniston was a cunt. Even I was like,” Jesus, it must be personal .” Now he goes to her wedding.

Mandy: So what’s going on with your health? The diabetes has gotten really bad? Have you had to amputate anything?

Artie: God no. The rumors have gotten really bad, haven’t they? No, the diabetes is under control every time I go to the hospital. But the thing is, it’s a confusing cancer. One period a Twinkie could save your life, and another period it could kill you. I’m not a good preparer so that’s why I was bad in school. I was like,” Let’s get the fuck out of here and get at life .” Which comedy lets you do. But yeah, with diabetes, you’re supposed to measure your blood sugar every time before you feed. I’m like,” What the fucking, are you kidding me? I’m going to take my blood sugar in the parking lot of McDonald’s ?” It’s bad, but when I go to the hospital they get me under control. So now it’s under control. It’s fine, actually. But you know, gives people two months out of research hospitals and my blood sugar is higher than my credit score. That’s the signifier of a loser. They also set me on the liver list. I required a new liver. But I went to a medical clinic person recommended, and they gave me this special shit they put in the saline, it expense like $80,000, and my liver enzymes were like 900, which is like Mickey Mantle at the end of his life. And it went to normal, perfectly normal. My kidneys, my liver are all fine. The doctor said,” You’ve got the bloodwork, despite the diabetes, of an Olympic jock .”

Mandy: Have you thought about going down to Hippocrates Health Institute, where a lot of entertainment industry people going to go?

Artie: I did that once. Yeah, my sister found out about it. You necessity a prescription for an apple. I ran away from that in 2008. Howard said, go away for as long as you need to. Eight days in with these two other guys who were Stern devotees who would have done anything for me, we just escaped in the one guy’s auto. I got a $3,500 room at the Setai in South Beach, and I got a hooker and a bunch of flapjacks. And I called into the display and said I have whiskey and pancakes with this Ecuadorian hooker, and he put me on the air. So I left early from that, and I was out of control. And Howard didn’t think I was going to die or anything. You know, Chris Rock came in once and said,” Howard, I think you’ve got to fire Artie. I adoration him. But he necessity consequences .”

Mandy : b> I guess my take is, from find you from afar, you’ve said,” I’m clean” so many times, and that you’re always somebody who is going to use.

Artie: People is considered that I want to be someone who use. I don’t. I intend, I remember in Little League when I didn’t use anything, I was very happy. When I am emphatic about it, in my personal life, I don’t “re fucking lying to” friends of mine. But I can think of a lot of reasons why you don’t tell your boss you’re doing heroin, and why I lied to Howard Stern. There’s also a misconception I detest that Howard didn’t care about me. He tried to get me help. Several periods he said to me,” Take as long as you crave, and when you come back you have a occupation .”

Mandy: So do you think some of the drug abuse comes from massive, massive self-hatred? That was the case for me, I know, and many addicts.

Artie: That’s interesting. Listen, Bernie Brillstein was talking to Norm Macdonald and me once. He’s the legendary administrator who oversaw[ John] Belushi, and he managed Chris Farley. And he supposedly said to Belushi and Farley–it’s funny he had guilt that he said this to Belushi, and 20 year later he said it once again to me–he said,” Well, what’d you get into show business for? Not to fuck hookers and do drugs ?” I was brought up on Sam Kinison and Richard Pryor. With Richard Pryor, I wanted to do almost everything he did, short of igniting himself. And that’s a terrible thing to imagine, but I got the opportunity, and I constructed every mistake you are able make. I was like,” Why not ?” The first time we went to Las Vegas with Howard, I fucked 11 strippers in four days. We were like the Rolling Stone going in there. Two years on MadTV ain’t exactly the Rolling Stones. The stuff I’ve done with Norm I’m so proud of because it was Norm, but it was never like a big hit. Like Dirty Work has become a little bit of a cult thing, which I’m proud of. But with the Stern prove, this was like rock-star shit. We flew into Vegas on a private airplane, and there’s a line all over the block, and it’s all for us. Howard is wedded. Fred is marriage. Everyone’s married, and then there’s me. The stripper’s going down her listing, and she says,” I guess I’ll fuck him .”

Mandy: Do you still talk to Norm Macdonald?

Artie: We communicate with text, like everybody else. He set a very nice thing in his volume about me. He called me the last day, and he said, you gotta stop doing this. He was worried about me. I desire Norm. Norm saved my whole career. Out of nowhere. I was about to start driving a cab again. I got the call for Dirty Work , and that led to everything else. Norm. Howard. Quincy Jones, who gave me MadTV . And Judd now. These are famous guys.[ Bruce] Springsteen called me. And Apatow said to me, he said,” You must be a really bad addict going back to this shit after all these people, your heroes, saved you .” He’s right. I entail, Quincy Jones saved my fucking life. He likewise got me these insane privileges in L.A. County. Like my own rain. And I asked Quincy,” How do you have so much sway in prison ?” He said,” I stimulated Thriller .”

Mandy: So why do you go back to the drugs after you get clean each time? Is it the boredom?

Artie: It’s the rage. I’ll give you an example. It’s a story I kind of keep on the down-low, but there was this girl that I dated in San Diego. She worked at an organization as an aide. She was 23. I was 28, and I was on MadTV . And she was pregnant–she got pregnant, found out it was a boy. I was all excited, and she was scared to death because of how I had been living. Me at that age stimulates this definitely sounds like Mr. Rogers . So the first place we made out was Zuma Beach, and she said,” Let’s go to that place. I want to tell you something .” She’s crying, and she says,” I had an abortion .” I was mad, and I said, “Why?” And she said,” You know, Artie, you’re going to make your mark in this business, but I hope you do it before you die. And I can’t deal with that .”

Mandy: So anger is often the cause of relapses for you? Anger at “the worlds”?

Artie: It is a strange world. It’s like rereading the Unabomber Manifesto it’s kind of like, I get it now. I don’t agree with how “hes been gone” about it, but he was clearly on the money about technology. Or look at the movie Network . That one scene, he lays everything out about what is to come.

Mandy: When do you find out if you’re going to jail?

Artie : b> Feb. 23. You know, if they want to send me away for being a junkie, that’s fine. The magistrate was very fair. Very smart. I don’t know if she was a big devotee of mine, but that’s all right.

Mandy : b> When do you think you were happiest in your life?

Artie : b> You know, it’s funny. When I was broke, when I left the port as a longshoreman, and I decided to drive into New York City one night, I was 19 years old. When I started doing well, I was driving a cab, I was broke, trying to help my mother out. We were about to lose the house. And I told her I could go back to the port. She said I could keep doing it. But you know, I was happier during the struggle because of hope. I was 23, violated, driving a taxi, parking a taxi in front of The Cartoon strip, which was the first place I passed. I would have[ Joe] Matarese or[ Dave] Attell watch the car. I was happier then, I swear to God.

Mandy: Hollywood can be fairly crushing. So many transactional relationships and people who don’t care if you live or die and want to use you.

Artie: At the Stern display, I saw how toxic that entire context was. You have some people who are without talent who just leached onto Howard. Talentless guys whose entire life is based on pleasing that one person. I saw people who weren’t comedians who thought they could sit in that chair and do what I did. When I went down with the heroin thing, they were clearly building statements about it. Like if I succumbed, they would have been almost happy about it, I guarantee it. I considered the sharks swimming like I’ve never seen before. I belief I knew a lot about people in a non-naive way coming into the number of jobs, but boy, the behavior people wanted what I did for a living. What pissed me off is because they thought they could do it. And you are familiar with, there’s a reason that chair stayed empty. I’m done being humble with some things. That chair isn’t empty entirely because Howard felt like it; that chair is empty because he knows no one can do what I did. There are people who are funnier than me, but there’s no one who would have been as honest, and no one who knows that demonstrate better. I left a lot of blood on that fucking floor, boy. I told narratives that expense me relationships with some people, and I didn’t realize it. I virtually got arrested. The DEA came to the fucking reveal because of something I said on the air, in their fucking windbreakers, to grill me about Heath Ledger because they thought we had the same heroin dealer. I’m like,” Why the fuck do you think that ?” I guess there’s reasons they could. There was a security guy who worked the door, and he saw the whole thing, and he said,” Artie, “youre one” entertaining fuckup .”

Mandy: What do “youre thinking about” Donald Trump, who used to do the Howard Stern Show quite a bit?

Artie: I adoration Trump. I’ve had like four times when I interacted with him. I roasted him. Trump said I was the best of the night, but then Howard is so smart-alecky, he told me to tell the gag that was making fun of him in business. I do, and then Trump runs,” Artie was the worst of the roasted. He bombed .” I had a CNN guy call me about it, and I said,” I’m not doing it. Because I’m fucking rooting for him .” And I golfed with him and Eli Manning once at his fraternity. I did nothing but laugh along with him. Then I appreciated him at Howard’s wedding. Howard had bought out Le Cirque. But it was still small-scale. I had played Carnegie Hall at this degree, but it was so nerve-wracking. Billy Joel and his wife were there, two feet from me. Howard. Trump and Melania. Barbara Walters, Joan Rivers, Chevy Chase. It was a tough room, you are familiar with. And I killed. The first joke was how much Beth looks like Christie Brinkley, so I made a Billy Joel joke. And thank God he giggled at it. But Howard was drunk, and doing that great Howard laugh. I loved making Howard laugh. But Trump came up to me afterward, because other people spoke and kind of bombed, and he shook my hand, and he said,” That was a very hard thing to do, and you two are amazing .” He respected that even though I look like a slob he could tell I worked hard. Because, yeah, you think I walked into Stern because I won a lottery? So I ever respected the guy.

Whether you’re for him or not, what he represents is that this country can vote out politicians and elect a game show host because they’re pissed off about stuff. You know, there are two guys on that Billy Bush tape. One guy apologized. The other guy didn’t. One guy’s working at a endowment shop in Kennebunkport. The other guy’s chairwoman. The fucking country likes alpha males. The Midwest does, I know that. And the stuff with the Mexicans. He didn’t say he dislikes all Mexicans. He told the truth about the medicine problem. How do you think I get dope? Trump merely doesn’t give a shit. You know, Louis C.K. wrote an op-ed part, while he was, jerking off next to women, calling Trump Hitler? And it’s like,” Calm the fuck down .” It cleanses down what Hitler did. A guy who let the Mob take away garbage because you have to? The naivete of these people. If you build a building in New York, you have to deal with the Mob. Trump knows that. Ted Cruz lost so many polls during the course of its primaries when he attacked him on that.

Mandy: What do “youre thinking about” the porn star Stormy Daniels and Trump? I guess he asked her to spank him with a transcript of Forbes .

Artie: Well, I imagine I’ve done worse. Comparing him to Harvey Weinstein? That’s a fetish. Listen, if Trump has raped someone, of course I detest his guts.

Mandy: So for you, what has the reaction been to your latest near-death experience? From everything that I’ve read on Twitter and Reddit and YouTube, I feel like half the devotees are saying,” I don’t want to watch him is killed anymore ,” and like,” I’ve stopped believing him .”

Artie: The fact that I haven’t got it yet is hard to understand. I think they’re very disappointed in me. It was an easier sell at 30 than it was at 50.

Mandy: What’s the best sobriety advice you’ve received, do you think?

Artie: To not induce my Higher Power” my career” or another human being because it can disappoint you.

Mandy : b> Do you believe in God? Do you pray?

Artie: You know, I’ll give you something I’ve never told anybody. So my father was preoccupied with Houdini the magician, and Houdini was obsessed with the occult. Houdini always tried to contact the other side, like dead relatives. So Houdini said,” If I succumb, let’s have a word. If the psychic tells you the word, you are familiar with, we talk .” So my father said, when he was lying in couch, he had the plan to kill himself, but I didn’t know that. He said,” Let’s do that .” I move, “OK.” “His fathers”, who I never knew, died when he was 11. He got shot in front of him. “His fathers” ran at a factory. The Otis Elevator Company in Newark. It was a bookie, I guess. But he said,” Let’s make it’ Otis .'”

So I’m in rehab this latest period, few weeks ago. And I’m in the van, which the hilarious security guards call” The Druggie Buggie .” Or” The Loser Cruiser ,” that’s what they call it in jail. So I’ve just come out of the shit, with the withdrawal proportion, and I appeared better, I guess. It was a beautiful period. Where I ran in Connecticut, it was like a Christmas card, it was unbelievably beautiful. And I said,” I feel better this time .” I felt really good. The sky was clear. I was with people I like, and they both said out of nowhere,” I think you’re going to make it this time .” And I said,” I guess I gotta believe like that .” And I stretched over, and there was a vehicle that said ” Otis” on it. The elevator at the rehab that never transgressed, they said, when I told them the tale, the Otis Elevator Company was repairing the elevator. Listen, I don’t believe in any of that shit, but that is the most spiritual thing that’s ever happened to me. I tell my mother that, and clearly she’s religious, and she goes, “Dad’s talking to you.” I’m telling you, that was fucking freaky. So you know, just at that moment, when I had hope and I seemed up and it was a clear sky and it says “Otis,” I was just like, “Jesus Christ.”

Read more: https :// www.thedailybeast.com/ artie-lange-is-not-ready-to-die-fck-em-all

from https://bestmovies.fun/2018/01/26/artie-lange-is-not-ready-to-die-fck-em-all/

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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago

Text

Artie Lange Is Not Ready to Die: F*ck Em All

Its hard being friends with the notoriously demon-plagued comedian Artie Langewhich, full disclosure, I am. This is in no way objective. I truly want the guy to live.

Sixty-nine days later, I heard the news, like anyone else who follows Lange: that he was near death after stabbing himself in the stomach nine times with a 13-inch kitchen knife.

Less than a month later, on Jan. 12, Lange returned home to New York and tweeted out to his 364,000 followers: Im back guys. Clean & Sober 32 days.

Artie Lange doesnt want to die… right?

The following interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

Artie: Well half of my nose is gone. My nose has no septum. I mean Ive been snorting coke and heroin

Mandy: When was the last time you did coke or heroin?

Mandy: Whats the longest youve ever been clean?

Artie: Since I was 15, 11 months. And two weeks in my twenties.

Mandy: Do you take, what is it, methadone?

Aziz Im sorry is a better name. I dont have any respect for Aziz Ansari. Im glad nobody got raped.

Artie Lange

Mandy: You detoxed cold turkey in jail this last time?

Mandy: If you do fall off the wagon again, are you scared of fentanyl at all?

Artie: No. A real heroin addict is not scared of fentanyl. Id do it in a heartbeat. I want strong shit.

Mandy: Have you seen the tiny amount it takes to kill you?

Mandy: So I mean… you must want to die.

Artie: No, I dont want to die. I want to be high.

Mandy: But that will eventually kill you.

Artie: Im 50. If you would have told me in 1995, if you tried to bring up 2018, it would be like The Jetsons. Id be like, What are you talking about?

Mandy: So youre having fun on borrowed time.

Artie: Im playing with the houses money. As far as Im concerned, Im an overachiever. A lot of money changed hands on the internet when I turned 50. I was so happy. Fuck em all.

Mandy: But I mean… your mom and your sister. Theyre the main people who keep you from wanting to to be reckless with the houses money, right?

Artie: Yes thats the… thats the worst.

Mandy: I called your mom when you were practically in a coma these last few weeks, and her voice was just so heartbroken. I dont think she thought you were going to make it.

youtube

Mandy: Your mom discovered you when you tried to kill yourself in 2010, right?

Mandy: Does your mom talk to you every day?

Mandy: You seem to still get offered drugs a lot. I think about that scene in Crashing where its the super hot woman from Showgirls who has coke and wants to do it with you.

Artie: Gina Gershon? Yeah, you know, that episode is based on one of my stories. And if the woman who inspired the episode figures it out, shed be very happy with the casting.

Mandy: Do you think it was a good idea to leave rehab early?

Mandy: Youre just working so much right now.

Mandy: And Im guessing, from what you said, you dont want to leave your mom with nothing. So what about a gig like the one with Anthony Cumia. Is that enabling or is that helping you stay clean?

Mandy: Anthony probably does a better Howard impression than Howard at this point.

Mandy: Metaphorically.

Mandy: Who are the people from the Stern show you keep in touch with?

Mandy: You tweeted a few days ago, Look out Marci. Im talking to Howard without your permission, referring to his high-profile handler Marci Turk. Did you actually talk to Howard Stern?

Artie: No, I dont talk to Howard. We hate each others guts. He cant stand me for some reason, and Ive learned to hate him.

Mandy: Whats your reaction to Louis C.K.? And now everyones talking about the story that was written about Aziz Ansari.

Mandy: Have you had any women approach you with any kind of Me Too moment, something they wanted to confront you about?

I think he was trying to figure out a way to get rid of me. I did the job for him, but I dont think he was rooting for it.

Artie Lange on Howard Stern

Mandy: Do you think that Crashing captures the changing culture in comedy at all?

Mandy: So whats going on with your health? The diabetes has gotten really bad? Have you had to amputate anything?

Mandy: Have you thought about going down to Hippocrates Health Institute, where a lot of entertainment industry people have gone?

Mandy: I guess my take is, from observing you from afar, youve said, Im clean so many times, and that youre always somebody who is going to use.

Mandy: So do you think some of the drug abuse comes from massive, massive self-hatred? That was the case for me, I know, and many addicts.

Mandy: Do you still talk to Norm Macdonald?

Mandy: So why do you go back to the drugs after you get clean each time? Is it the boredom?

Mandy: So anger is often the cause of relapses for you? Anger at the world?

Mandy: When do you find out if youre going to jail?

Artie: Feb. 23. You know, if they want to send me away for being a junkie, thats fine. The judge was very fair. Very smart. I dont know if she was a big fan of mine, but thats all right.

Mandy: When do you think you were happiest in your life?

Mandy: Hollywood can be fairly crushing. So many transactional relationships and people who dont care if you live or die and want to use you.

Mandy: What do you think of Donald Trump, who used to do the Howard Stern Show quite a bit?

Mandy: What do you think of the porn star Stormy Daniels and Trump? I guess he asked her to spank him with a copy of Forbes.

Artie: Well, I think Ive done worse. Comparing him to Harvey Weinstein? Thats a fetish. Listen, if Trump has raped someone, of course I hate his guts.

Artie: The fact that I havent got it yet is hard to understand. I think theyre disappointed in me. It was an easier sell at 30 than it was at 50.

Mandy: Whats the best sobriety advice youve received, do you think?

Artie: To not make my Higher Power my career or another human being because it can disappoint you.

Mandy: Do you believe in God? Do you pray?

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/artie-lange-is-not-ready-to-die-fck-em-all

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