#* ･ﾟ ❃ verse ┊ cause the truth is you’re the only voice i wanna hear in my head.

[lightlycareless]

cause I don't wanna not put a sneak peek of an ask that I'm currently writing. excited to write more about nanami lol

Nanami would not take it well at first, for a variety of reasons.

First, it’s unexpected. At least for him it feels that way.

The two were close throughout your years in jujutsu high, but as all things happen, you began to date Naoya and well, he took much of your attention. Sure, you kept contact with him, he was still important for you, but it wasn’t the same anymore.

So, when rumors began to circulate that the two were to marry… he couldn’t believe it.

Here comes the second reason.

Naoya was very… different. To say the least. Like your complete opposite—and honestly? Everyone at one point thought it was a prank, probably something Satoru did to get a rise of whoever he could catch, as usual, and that it wouldn’t last long. Certainly not with someone as… your boyfriend.

Until your wedding invitation eventually arrives, and this not only cemented the fact that you were still together with Naoya, but that you wanted to take this relationship seriously.

The first thing he does is call you in hopes of getting verbal confirmation from you.

“Yes, I’m marrying Naoya.”  Is what you say, proudly—an excitement in your voice that doesn’t escape Nanami’s attention.

Something that was expected of any bride-to-be. And yet… it hurt him to hear that.

Is it because he thinks you’re making the wrong decision? Well, considering the rumors surrounding the Zen’in, definitely. He may not be well versed in the Jujutsu community, at least when it comes to clans and special techniques and whatnot…

But he’s seen enough to understand the Zen’in might not provide you with a life you deserve, and there’s only so much you (or Naoya) could do before their ways finally caught up to you.

Or worse: Naoya eventually succumbs to his environment, leading him to be the main perpetrator of your miseries, which Nanami has no doubt he already was considering his behavior at school.

However, it’s like none of these things mattered to you, and why would they? By now, after years of being together, you were completely and utterly enamored by him, as you went on and on about the wedding preparations, how excited you were to go on your honeymoon (which Naoya kept a secret from you) and how you’d like Kento to attend.

With your words, he only dives deeper into this… hazy feeling of surrealness, as if everything had been nothing but a jest, perhaps even made up from his own imagination, by some strange reason, perhaps to justify your absence.

But it wasn’t, and at the culmination of his displeasure, alongside what he considered your delusions towards Naoya, he blurts the most painful words Nanami has ever told you:

“Are you sure this is even the man you want to spend the rest of your life with?”

i always imagined nanami to be the kind of person to coldly tell you the truth, whether you like it or not. :) we shall see what happens next tho hahahah

[hwrryscherry]

The one where the reader is a singer

characters: HARRY x SINGER!Y/N

blurb: The reader is finishing up her brand-new album and as Harry comes to visit her on her last day of working in the studio, he gets to react to one of her songs, 34+35.

word count: 1.9K

author's note: HI GUYS! It’s been a week I think? Anyway, I’ll get back to school tomorrow so idk when imma post the next request but I’m hoping that it will be soon! Anyway, I want to thank y’all for the love and support on my writing and I hope that the anon who asked this likes it as much as I did. Never forget that you’re so golden and tpwk. AND ALSO, HAPPY 27TH BIRTHDAY TO HARRY!

    You took a deep breath right after asking for the track to be played again. To everyone else the track was perfect, but it was different for you. It just felt like something was missing and you didn't know what. And god, you were tired. You were so genuinely exhausted that if you sit up in a chair and stay silent for more than five minutes you'll simply fall asleep. You felt your eyes heaving at every blink of yours and it was only 5 pm, but you were in this studio for so long. You were inside this place for 36 hours now with no shower and no sleep. You did eat but now you were hungry again.Your shoulders were tensed up, and you couldn't feel comfortable anywhere. Not in the couch, not in the chair, not in the floor and not even stand up. All you genuinely demanded right now was to be home under your bed sheets curled up with your boyfriend of four years while taking many naps or watching many movies, but no, you needed to have this done. You needed the album to be done and were extremely thrilled to release it to your fans that were excited as well. But yes, you were so frickin' tired.

— Again... — You repeated after a long and sharp breath listening to some groans from your coworkers. You all have been listening to this one song for about an hour and a half now and you haven't actually changed anything yet. — I know, I know, and I'm sorry guys, it's just not right!

— Maybe you think it's not right, but it is and you're just making a huge deal about it. — One of your co-workers said. A girl, Lucy, one of your friends as well. You turned your head to stare at her face and gave her that glaze that made her shrug her shoulders because of it — Alright, I'm sorry.

— I'm not making a huge deal. It's just not right, and I feel like the entire album is so great and this is just wrong. Like... — You said standing up from the couch you were sitten in and walked to the table with the computers on to grab the one paper you used to write this song. You stared at it in your hands for a while as you read the letters. — See, here is the problem. So here it's "you drink it just like water" and then suddenly comes "so what you doin' tonight?", it doesn't make sense, there's something missing in here. — You go through the lyrics again as you hear more groans from the people in the room — And honestly, I'm disappointed with myself for the rest. I need to change it so badly, but I have no idea on how.

— No problem, love — You naturally said referring to his previous apologies.

   That's when you hear the sound of the door being opened. You rise your head to look at the door and see Harry, your boyfriend, walking into the room with some paper bags in his hands that contained burgers directly from In-N-Out, which was in fact your favorite Los Angeles burger place ever. He arrived in silence, trying not to make a noise for fear that you were recording something but you could note his surprised expression when he saw everyone was looking at him instead of recording.

— Sorry guys, I didn't want to disturb you. I was passing by and wanted to check up! — Harry said as he closed the door behind him and walked farther into the room. You smiled tenderly when you saw the figure of the man walking closer to you. You haven't seen each other personally in some days, and he consistently secured you so much spiritual peace, he just had such a light energy and it made you feel so good  — And also y’all had been stealing my girl for so long now! — He joked getting a slight laugh from everyone inside the studio. He approached you by wrapping your waist with one of his arms around your waist and sealing your lips together as he bends down a little.

— And Harry, technically she is maintaining us here and not the other way around — Lucy said in an ironic tone causing you to look at her quickly before letting out a deep breath and lowering your head by rubbing your sleepless eyes with the help of your hands, probably a negative result of sleep. Harry reflected the girl's words and then looked at you carefully before placing the bags on the coffee table that was next to the studio sofa.

— Why? What happened? — Harry asked encountering his gaze with yours as he crossed his arms and observed you raising your hand that contained the papers with the lyrics of your new song.

— I can't write a proper ending that I genuinely like! — You said, sounding frustrated to everyone in that room.

— The ending is good! — Another of your friends, Jaden, said as he got up and picked up one of the bags Harry had brought and then started walking again to sit on the sofa.

— Jaden, you in silence is everything to me! — You said in a mocking tone while running your hand through your hair — But you understand, don't you? — You asked Harry because he has experience with such a specific subject — It's not that it's bad, it's that I don't feel like it's ready!

— I get it! But have you already recorded? — Harry asked softly in his understanding tone. He more than anyone in this room comprehended exactly what you were feeling and he would do his best to help you since you did the same with him so many times before.

— Yes, twenty times! — Jaden murmured a little before taking a bite of one of the burgers that Harry had brought. Harry couldn't hold back the laugh when he heard the boy, as they knew each other well and Harry knew all his sassiness was based on nothing more than hunger.

— Let me hear it, so I can have some ideas to help! — Harry said looking at you, and then noticing your reaction. Your eyes widened at the man's request. It wasn't fear. It was just an apprehension and that made Harry extremely curious  — What? 

— Well... It's a little... — You said in a lower tone seeking your words.

— Promiscuous and indulgent! — Lucy and Jaden completed your sentence making Harry look at her and the boy sitting on the sofa and then Harry raised one of his eyebrows and looked at you with a smirk on his lips.

— Uh, is it about me? — Harry asked in a mocking tone, waiting for the answer that would raise his ego, of course.

— Look, let's not specify anything — You said quickly and nervously looking at the smirk on your boyfriend's face — Ok, Trevor, play the song right for the love of god! — You said getting a laugh out of Harry, Jaden and Lucy due to your despair in ending this matter.

    And Trevor did as you asked and put the song on. You sat down on the bench near the wall and crossed your arms while watching Harry's reactions. The soon as the song started everyone could notice your voice and the rhythm of it that matched the beat.

You may think I’m crazy

The way I’ve been craving

If I put it quite plainly

Just give me them babies

    You could notice Harry bouncing his head on the rhythm of the song as a sign that he liked it because you knew that he only did that to songs that he likes. And you also noticed a small smile when he listened to the end of this verse because he did remember all the times you both had talked about having a baby before.

So what you doin’ tonight?

Better say doin’ you right

Watching movies 

But we ain’t seen a thing tonight

    Again you noticed the smirk and you did smirk as well because you both knew the lack of ability that you had to watch any movie that lasted longer than two hours and you almost ended not watching anything.

I don’t wanna keep you up

But assuming can you keep it up

‘Cause then I’d like to keep you up

So maybe Imma keep you up

Boy

    Harry wasn’t looking at you, though. He was looking at the floor while bouncing his head and paying attention to the song as he was trying to catch the vibe of it and honestly you don’t know if it’s the song that had this vibe but he was looking way too hot to handle at this moment.

I’ve been drinking coffe

And I’ve been eating healthy

Know I get squeaky, yeah

Saving all my energy

    Now the chorus was about to start and you were actually excited and nervous to see Harry’s reaction of it. You two have been dating for four years now. He probably understood any little detail of this song more than anyone else.

Can you stay up all night?

F**k me till the daylight

34 35

    You started to hold back your laugh as Harry lifted his head up fastly with winded eyes and a surprised look so he could face you. It wasn’t actually your style to write songs that promiscuous so he was actually surprised at it even though he loved it. He had a smile on his face though and so did you. 

    The song kept playing as the words repeated itself and it stopped just after the second chorus so Harry passed his hands through his hair as you waited for his opinion on it. Honestly, Harry’s opinion about your music is extremely important to you because you cherish and admire him way too much and love his songs so you hope that he does too with yours.

— So... What do you think? — You asked anxiously waiting for his opinion. The truth is Harry had already listened to all the songs on his new album except this one.

— I like it! — Harry said with a smile on his lips making you breathe a sigh of relief — Maybe I can help write the rest, but they really didn't lie and it's great. The beat is good and the lyrics are catchy and everything will be fine. The point, my love, is that you are too worried! — Harry said as he approached you, placing his big, strong hands on your shoulders and massaging them lightly feeling all the tension in your muscles slowly dissolving — Relax, it's amazing! You got it!

   With Harry's help, you finished the song in less than an hour. When you recorded the rest and listened, you felt that now it was ready and now you could go home with him. It was simply incredible to know you could always count on him and to know that while you were together creativity would be present and life wouldn't be boring. After all, you had each other and had the art.

[hangovercurse]

The Things We Can’t Tell Pete About viii

Pete confronts you about the pictures of you and Colson on a date, Colson hears the song you wrote about him, and you decide the future of your relationship.

Colson X Davidson! Reader

Warnings: Cursing, light smut (18+)

A/N: The song in this is called “Death of Me” By PVRIS if you wanna check it out

Word Count: 1424

| i | ii | iii | iv | v | vi | vii |

Your hand was on the doorknob to leave your office when your phone vibrated in your pocket.

We need to talk

Was all Pete said. Attached was a screenshot of some news article with the headline “Best Friend’s Sister?” and a picture of you and Colson walking to your studio.

Shit.

You walked to Pete’s house, trying to figure out what lie you were going to tell him. The pictures weren’t that incriminating, just you and Colson walking around New York. And technically, at that point, you were being friends.

You didn’t even get a chance to knock before Pete was swinging the door open, ja clenched. “Pete, let me expla-“

He pulled you inside by your arm, slamming the door behind you. “You fucking lied to me.”

“I didn’t-“

“Are you fucking kidding me? Colson?” Pete grabbed onto his hair, pulling at the strands. “This is a joke, right? You didn’t seriously go on a date with Colson fucking Baker.”

You sighed, “Pete, I-“

“I asked for one fucking-“

“Peter let me talk God fucking damnit.” You yelled, shutting your older brother up. “We went to lunch as friends.” That wasn’t a lie. You were friends at lunch. “Because we’re friends.”

Pete squinted at you, trying to read if you were being truthful. “When did you and Colson become such good friends.” He spit out the word.

You had prepared for this question, “you passed out that night we were watching SpongeBob and we just got to talking. We have a lot in common, you know?” Your hands were shaking, even though you still hadn’t technically lied. You and Colson did become friends that night, right after he kissed you.

“So, you didn’t go on a date with him?” You shook your head, not able to bring yourself to verbally lie to your brother. “Because I’m serious, Y/N, I will lose my fucking shit if you-“

“I didn’t go on a fucking date with him. Trust me, I’m not that bad of a sister.” You huffed, turning to the door to leave before tears could spill down your face. The truth was you really were that bad of a sister. “But if I was, if I ever did date any of your friends and you pulled this shit, I wouldn’t be the only bad sibling.”

Pete rolled his eyes, letting you leave, “if you did, you would be selfish.”

You slammed the door after shouting “I’m not the only selfish one here, Pete.” As you walked away from the house you pulled out your phone, texting the only person you wanted to see right now. I need u

It didn’t take long for him to text back, I can be at your place in 10.

You felt your chest loosen up just slightly knowing Colson would be there to comfort you when you got home. You wiped at your eyes, trying to keep the tears from making an appearance.

Colson was leaning against your door when you got there, standing up straight when he saw you. “Hey.” He said softly, letting you throw yourself into his body. Your head was pressed into his chest, arms wrapping around his stomach tightly. “What happened?”

You moved back while shaking your head and unlocking your door. You led Colson inside, letting him pull you into the couch, back against his chest. He ran his fingers through your hair softly, comforting your shaking nerves. “Some fucking reporters took pics of us at lunch.” You finally muttered.

Colson let out a “fuckin paps” under his breath.

“Yeah, and then Pete saw them and freaked out.” Your voice was very pouty, and any other time Colson probably would have found it adorable. “He accused me of lying to him and being selfish which hurts because it’s true.”

“I thought we decided we weren’t lying to him anymore.” Colson commented, a frown falling on his face.

You let out a sigh, “I don’t want to lie to Pete, but he’s being unreasonable. I can’t even bring up the idea of dating you without him flipping his shit.”

Colson moved you so you were sat facing him, letting you see the distress on his face. “Y/N, we said we weren’t gonna lie to Pete. He’s your brother and he’s my best friend, he’s gonna find out eventually and it’s only going to make things worse if we wait.”

You pleaded with Colson, “can we just, keep this secret for just a little it longer? Please? I’m just not ready to handle that situation quite yet.” The man sighed, hands moving to hold both of yours.

“Just promise me that we tell him soon, okay?” You nodded in response, leaning up and pecking his lips. His hold on your hands pulled you into him when you tried to pull away, deepening the kiss. Your hands moved to his upper arms, stroking his biceps as he placed his hands on your waist.

When you finally pulled away for air, you remembered the song you had written earlier. “Can I show you something?” You asked him, already getting off the couch to fetch your guitar from its place next to the TV. “I wrote this earlier, after you left the studio.”

Colson raised an eyebrow, “no one’s ever written a song about me.” You bit your lip, positioning the guitar and strumming the first few chords to warm yourself up.

This love looks like a loaded gun A noose around my neck or a sweet poison If it gets in the wrong hands, then we're fucked 'Cause heaven knows what you do to me You could chain me up or set me free And you could suffocate or let me breathe, yeah Baby, you could be the death of me

Maybe I'm crazy, I know you're danger Baby, you could be, you could be I'm falling, fading, and seeing angels Baby, you could be the death of me Maybe I'm crazy, I know you're danger Baby, you could be the death of me I'm falling, fading, and seeing angels Baby, you could be the death of me

Colson watched you with fond eyes, biting his lips as he watched you strum the guitar. When you finished, he continued to stare at you, leaving you to blush. “It’s just the first verse through the chorus but-“

“You’re amazing.” Colson cut you off, moving closer to you. You stumbled over your words of gratitude as Colson moved the guitar off your lap, placing it on the floor in front of the couch. His fingers gripped under your chin, pulling you so your eyes were locked into his blue ones. You hadn’t realized how close he’d moved to you until that moment, when you were so close you could feel his breath on your lips.

Without hesitation, you leaned up and planted a kiss on his lips, letting his hands travel to your hips and pull you towards him. You climbed onto his lap, lips never parting. Your knees were on either side of his torso, hips spread across his own.

You pressed your pelvis into his own, a moan spilling into your mouth from his. He squeezed your ass through your pants, pushing you further into him. Soon he was guiding your hips into his at a steady rhythm, letting your lips leave his to suck on his neck.

He tugged at the bottom of your shirt, prompting you to pull away from him and strip it off yourself, your bra falling from your body soon after. Your lips went back to Colson’s briefly before he moved to take his own shirt off, revealing his canvas of tattoos. You lifted yourself from the couch, pulling on his hand for him to follow you. You had all intent to lead him back to your room, but he pulled you into another hot kiss, hands reaching down to your thighs and lifting you up.

He carried you to your bedroom, dropping you down onto the mattress. He tugged your pants off, leaving you in just your panties, before doing the same to himself. His bulge was evident through his boxers, the outline making you drool. He kneeled over you, hips grinding into yours teasingly. You leaned up to kiss him, hands in his hair pulling him down onto you. Your bodies intertwined perfectly; his seeming to know everything to do to drive you crazy.

Your body was on fire when he rid you of the rest of your clothes, only extinguishing when you were finally releasing around him.

[avatarmerida]

Walking Home

This is inspired by @buggachat’s Bakery AU. I hope this is okay because I love this idea so much and I loved the winery arc. I wrote this assuming Adrien also lives at the bakery, though I don’t know.

——————————————————————————

“Okay no, no first of all they did NOT kick us out because I spilled. But IF did they did then that’s your fault!” Marinette exclaimed as the four of them left the restaurant.

“I didn’t mean that time,” clarified a bubbly Adrien as he ran ahead. “I meant when you kept turning the glasses into microphones and trying to get everyone to sing when they were still pretty full.”

“No! No! No!” she insisted, running up to him and giving him a gently tap on shoulder. “It was because you kept making chicken noises and they were awful!”

“They were amazing.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever heard a chicken,” she said smugly as she attempted to suppress her laughter at the memory. “It was so high pitched.”

“Bawk bawk bawk,” said Adrien quietly. Seeing Marinette suppress more laughter, he kept going and got louder. She couldn’t stand still, the laughter causing her to bend in half unable to catch her breath. Making her laugh was somehow so addicting and so he kept doing the awful chicken noise, getting higher and louder and faster. Passerbys gave them strange looks and rolled their eyes. Alya couldn’t help but smile at the thought that everyone who saw them must assume they were lifelong friends. Maybe even more than that.

“Oh wow I didn’t realize how late it was,” announced Alya, pretending to check her phone. She was fairly certain the two forgot her and Nino were there. “Ugh, I’ve got an interview scheduled for the blog at 8am.”

“Yeah and I’ve got to wake her up otherwise she’ll never get there on time,” added Nino with a laugh, catching on quickly. Adrien and Marinette snapped out of their bubble, seeing suddenly how ridiculous they must seem.

“We should do this again soon though,” said Alya. “All of us,” she added, looking at Adrien.

“Yeah, this was fun,” said Marinette, sneaking a glance at Adrien (though he didn’t notice) before turning back to Alya. “Are you okay to get home?”

“Yeah, we’re gonna grab a taxi,” said Alya. “What about you two? Are you okay? You didn’t switch to water when Nino and I did.”

“That was water? I thought you guys just switched to white wine,” asked Adrien. Nino chuckled and handed Adrien his phone so the two could make plans to hang out later in the week.

While the boys talked, Alya pullled Marinette into a hug to supposedly say goodbye.

“No girl, for real are you okay to get home? We can drop you off,” she whispered.

“No it’s okay you guys live the opposite way and you need to get up early,” whispered Marinette back. “The bakery isn’t that far and It’s not like I’m walking alone.”

“Exactly,” said Alya, pulling away but making sure the boys were too distracted by their conversation to hear theirs. “I know tonight was fun but you didn’t start the day being Adrien’s biggest fan. You’re okay walking home with him?”

“Yes Alya I’m fine,” she hiccuped. “I’m not even that drunk.”

“Marinette!” Adrien called suddenly, very excited. “Can we make pizza at the bakery?!”

“Oh my god pizzaaaaaa!” She exclaimed far too loudly, throwing her hands in the air. “Yes, yes let’s go! Bye Alya!”

She ran ahead and Adrien excitedly and instinctively followed her, the two a collection of giggle and hiccups stumbling between the street lights.

“Text me when you get home!” Alya called after the pair. They were quite a sight. She couldn’t help but smile at the fact that this morning Marinette couldn’t say his name without grimacing and now they were rushing off into the night. She wondered how Marinette would feel about the blonde boy tomorrow.

“Pizza, pizza, pizza!” The two exclaimed as they trudged down the sidewalk.

“Okay I know we have dough and cheese I don’t know if we have any pizza sauce,” said Marinette raking her brain. “Do we want toppings? Because I think we just have sprinkles, maybe we-ahhh!” Suddenly the ground came rushing at her, but before she had time to process what was happening she was stopped inches from the pavement. She looked up and saw Adrien had caught her in the knick of time. His hands were on her waist as if he was dipping her in a some eleaborate dance. The streetlight above him reflected on his golden hair like a halo.

He really was a good model, she couldn’t help but think as she found herself drawn to his light like an innocent moth.

“Sorry,” he said realizing the position they were in. “Force of habit, I guess. I didn’t mean, I mean I-.”

“Don’t apologize,” she breathed, not attempting to remove herself from his grip. “You’ve just got like catlike reflexes.”

“Yeah, I maybe??” He laughed. He couldn’t even explain her own pun to her as he pulled her to her feet. “Hehe, uh sorry if I distracted you again.”

“No, no it’s my own fault, I’m extra clumsy when I’m drunk,” she explained, bashful suddenly for some reason. “I’m a regular public menace. But thanks for not letting me fall on my face.”

He smiled. “Anytime,” he stood up straight and offered her his arm. “To ensure you don’t fall again,” he explained.

The logic of his reasoning negated any objections her former view of him held at the ready. He didn’t have to be kind to her when it was just them, and this must be why she held onto his arm so firmly and allowed herself to be so close as they walked. She suddenly felt guilty for her ulterior motives in inviting him out. The skeptic in her wanted to point out that maybe he was faking being drunk, or was so well versed at deception that alcohol had no affect on his ability to lie. But a larger part of her just wanted to rest her head on his shoulder as he led her home, contently listening to him ramble.

“Okay but why isn’t pizza a pastry?” he continued. “Like a lot of baked goods have cheese, they all have dough. Is it the sauce? But donuts have filling and the tomato is a fruit, I think-?”

“Maybe pizza can be your menu speciality,” she murmured, following the voice that told her to rest her head. “But you can give it a fun name and make it look different so they won’t know it’s pizza until they taste it. You’d think of a good name, you’re funny.”

“I’m funny?” he asked, genuinely surprised and flattered.

“I’m drunk, who knows what I’m saying,” she joked. “I’ll deny it but yes you are funny. I like when you write puns on the specials board.”

“Really?” He chuckled. “I didn’t think you’d be a fan of bad puns.”

“I’ve heard worse,” she murmured, her mouth moving faster than her mind. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

“Like what?” he tried, trying to careful in this new territory, but fighting his catlike curiosity . “Are you a secret comedian?”

“No, no but I was in love with a boy who made puns a lot,” she said quietly, almost just to herself. “It seems so silly but now whenever I hear a good one I write it down so I don’t forget. So I can tell it to him. But I’m never gonna see him again. That’s so stupid isn’t it?”

He saw tears forming in her eyes. “I think it’s sweet,” he said. “Is he someone you meet in New York? On your internship?”

She stopped, her mind had brought up another similarly between him and Chat Noir and that was extra confusing right now. But she hadn’t had anyone to talk to about Chat and it felt nice to share something about him aloud. She had to tread carefully though.

“I’m sorry if you don’t wanna talk about it,” said Adrien before she could find the words. “It’s none of my business.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” he continued, gently removing his arm from her. “You’ve already done so much for me, helping me at the bakery, letting me into your home, inviting me out tonight . You’re a very kind person Marinette and I’ve invaded so much of your space already, I shouldn’t be invading your privacy.”

“No, Adrien please it is okay,” she insisted. “I brought it up. And I... I’ve never brought it up to anyone before, to be honest. And it must be because... I like talking to you. Because-.”

“-of the wine?” He offered.

“-because we’re friends,” she finished, looking up at him with soft, truthful eyes.

“I think it is the wine,” he joked, only half certain.

“Here, I’ll prove it,” she said, keeping her purse and rummaging through its contents. Finally she found what she was searching for. “Here,” she said, placing something in his hand.

“What is this?”

“My lucky charm,” she said proudly, as he opened his hand to reveal a simple keychain composed of colorful beads. “I made it during my internship, it helped me when I had deadlines or a creativity block. I take it everywhere.”

“And you’re giving this to me?”

“Well I still plan on needing it and having it close by, so I wouldn’t just entrust it to someone I don’t want in my space would I? It’s probably not as flashy as the friendship bracelets Chloe made you but-.”

She was cut off as Adrien pulled her into a tight embrace. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

She hesitated, but returned the gesture. “You’re welcome,” she said as the two stood in the middle of the sidewalk, embracing for probably a little too long. “Adrien, since we’re friends, I think I should be honest with you.”

He pulled back to face her, his face still holding a smile despite her dismal tone. “What is it?”

“Today, when I invited you...” she began, her pride almost too big a pill to swallow. “Well, I had ulterior motives for inviting you.”

“Really?”

“I thought, oh god I’m so embarrassed,” she pushed through. “I though you had ... a secret.”

“A secret?”

“Yes,” she buried her face in her hands, utterly embarrassed. “Ugh, and I thought it you got drunk enough you would blurt it out. And that’s so awful of me and I know it’s dishonest, but I promise you it’s not like that anymore. I was paranoid, I guess. I don’t know. But I’m so sorry. really do enjoy spending time with you-.”

“What kind of secret?”

“Huh?” She said, surprised he wasn’t mad. “Oh, i-it doesn’t matter. It was still wrong of me.”

“Well why couldn’t you ask me about it before?”

“I didn’t have any sort of proof,” she admitted. “Only a hunch.”

“Why?” He asked. He wasn’t mad but she couldn’t place his tone. People must have accused him of this before. She knew now he wasn’t his father, he was more than whatever his past held, and he didn’t deserve another faker. She knew he’d ask what she suspected and it would ruin everything but maybe she could make it less awful if she kept apologizing?

“Nothing major, just because of how you acted around me-.”

“I see.”

“-but I know now I was completely wrong,” she quickly went on. “Getting to know you tonight and spending more time with you at the bakery, I know I was wrong.”

“Oh,” was that all he could say? Oh?!

“Because you’re just so nice!” She went on, her drunk brain turning to rambling. “You’re actually a really great guy, and you’re just quiet at first, you’re ... a friend...”

“Just a friend?” He asked, the word holding his attention tight.

“Yes,” she said, hoping he was considering accepting her apology. “And I- oh darn it.” Suddenly, a raindrop fell onto Marinette’s cheek. Then another. Without warning the sky began to pour, and the pair sought shelter. Adrien took off his jacket and placed it over Marinette’s head to attempt and shield her from the rain, a fruitless attempt as the jacket immediately became soaked and heavy and helpful to no one.

As they made their way through the waterfall that claimed the sidewalk, an abandoned umbrella leaning against a building caught Adrien’s eye. He swooped in to grab and quickly opened it over Marinette’s head. “Ugh, I can’t see,” she cried, the rain causing her eye makeup to run and sting her eyes. She wiped it away, only to smudge it and give cover her face with a charcoal color. Adrien laughed.

“Mademoiselle Hamster, you look more like a raccoon now,” he wheezed. Before Marinette could offer a clever response, she saw the rain continued to fall on him as she was safely covered.

“You’re going to catch pneumonia,” she stated angrily.

“It’s not a very big umbrella,” he said, still laughing.

“Nonsense,” she said, yanking the umbrella handle to spin him in. “I’m not about to let you get sick and stick me with all the work at the bakery.”

But the umbrella was very small. And in order for them both to be covered, they had to stand very close together.

“Fine by me,” breathed Adrien, looking down at Marinette. She stood in front of him, her hands landing instinctively on his chest as if they were slow dancing. She was aware of this, but did not remove them. Her eyes went to the ground, not being about to handle the closeness with eye contact. In one hand Adrien held the umbrella, the other one slowly went to removed a strand of wet hair from her face. A bolt of lighting graced the sky.

“You were right you know,” he said quietly, the rain almost drowning him out.

“About what?”

“About my secret,” he said with a chuckle. “I thought I hid it well, but I guess I made it really obvious.”

“What?” Said Marinette, looking up at him is disbelief, her hands trembled. “No, no you’re still drunk, you don’t know what you’re saying. No, no I know now... after everything that happened it can’t be true.”

“Do you... not want it to be true?”

“I guess it doesn’t really matter what I want,” she admitted, bowing her head again. “Either it’s true or it’s not.”

“I promise you, it’s very true,” said Adrien, his voice softer than she had ever heard but somehow insanely familiar. He placed his free hand under her chin and lead her to meet his gaze.

“Wait, what did you think I-.”

“Marinette, I’m sorry that I couldn’t be more direct with you,” he began. “But I didn’t think I’d ever feel this way again since... you’re so amazing and I- I’m done keeping secrets; I do have feelings for you.”

“W-what kind of feelings?” she asked, a tiny portion of her intoxicated little mind convinced he was angry with her.

Adrien closed his eyes and leaned in close to her and his lips stopped mere inches from her own. Hesitating. Waiting. Silence. She looked at him, no streetlight caught his hair now but the shine remained. The glow was just him. He wasn’t a spy, he wasn’t a traitor, he wasn’t a villain. Her mind ran with things he was not until suddenly she realized what he was. Kind. Handsome. Funny. Charming. She had taken these things for granted before and thought they were lost and locked away forever. It was like they were reincarnated, her heart fluttered in an nearly forgotten familiar way as if to say she had been here before. As if to say this is exactly where she was meant to be.

Lighting crashed in the distance.

She chased the feeling and eliminated the space between them, drawn to him like he was magnetic. She could could blame it on the wine. She could blame it on the rain. She could blame it on the way his eyes were so gentle and vibrant at the same time like a lush green forest she wanted to explore until she was hopelessly lost. But she crashed into him like a she was a tidal wave, her arms wrapping around his neck as she pulled herself up to kiss him. He stepped back, surprised but pleased and tossed aside the umbrella in favor of having both his arms around her as he eagerly kissed her back. He lifted her off the ground, perhaps a little too overzealous, and the pair found themselves on the ground in the middle of a puddle. Only then did they break apart, like a dream they were rudely awakened from, and Marinette found herself laying on top of him.

Adrien looked at her, eyes wide and curious, awaiting a sign of how she felt. Even now, with her eyeliner smudged and her hair soaking wet, his heart skipped a beat in way it hadn’t done in years. What was she thinking? Should he say something? His mind raced with what to say next, he had imagined this confession thousands of times since he realized his feelings, but none of his scenarios went quite like this. He didn’t want to risk ruining anything, if there was even something to ruin. He played the last minute over and over in his head like a romantic film scene. He smiled a wide smile and if Marintee didn’t know any better, she could have sworn he was purring.

Marinette took that as her signal to lean forward, slower and more graceful than the first attempt and kissed him again. It was less rushed and more gentle, but also more certain. The umbrella was carried away by the wind, the two seemed to have forgotten about the rain or any storms between them.

The next day, Marinette awoke feeling sicker than she had ever felt in her life. Not only did she have a massive hangover, but being stuck in the rain had given her a terrible cold as well. Her body couldn’t decide which unpleasant feeling to focus on so she remained in bed, cursing the world.

“Hey girl,” came Alya’s voice from the doorway. “Heard you weren’t feeling too good.”

“Alya I’m dying,” moaned Marinette.

“Were you so busy dying that you couldn’t text me that you go home safely?” laughed Alya, removing the pillow from her face. “Omigosh you didn’t even wash your face last night. You really were trashed.”

“Ugh I don’t even remember it raining last night, but I woke up soaked,” complained Marinette.

“Wait, you don’t remember it raining?”

“No, after we said goodbye to you and Nino the night it a total blur.”

“Oh, does Adrien remember the rain?”

“I don’t know, we don’t talk,” Marinette reminded her, covering her head with a blanket. “I don’t know what I said to him on the walk home, but my throat is killing me so it feels like I was yelling.

“Wait, you don’t remember anything from the walk home?”

“No,” repeated Marinette. “Why? Did I drunk dial you or something?”

“Uh, no,” said Alya with a mischievous smile. “But when it started to rain I told the cab driver to drive by your place to see if you guys got caught in the rain and I’m so glad I did because I saw something very interesting.”

“What?”

Alya simply handed Marinette her phone and braced herself for the reaction she knew was coming. Marinettte had to do a double take at first. But there was no mistaking this was a picture of her. And Adrien. Kissing.

“WHAT?!” She exclaimed, giving herself a worse headache. “Ouch. Ugh, Alya please tell me this is photoshopped, this is a joke right?”

“Not this time, I am an eyewitness,” assured her friend. “I saw everything.”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe he kissed me,”

“Well you shouldn’t because if you go back a little bit you see it’s clear as day who kissed whom,”

“What?” But it was true. She swiped back and forth and there was no arguing that she pulled him in, she reached up, she kissed him. Twice. “Oh no.”

“Oh, don’t be embarrassed,” said Alya taking back her phone. “If kissing a former model in the rain is the worst thing you’ve done after drinking, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t see why you don’t like him anyway, you two got along so well yesterday.”

“Oh no no no I just thought it was another dream!”panicked Marinette.

“Another?” Teased Alya. “So you often dream about kissing Adrien?”

Only when he’s working with his supervillain father “I’m never drinking again,” vowed Marinette, burying her head in her hands. “Please tell me no one else saw those photos.”

“Just me and Nino, but I’m keeping them for blackmail,” confirmed Alya as she headed for the door. “Or to show at your wedding.”

Marinette threw a pillow at the door, just missing her friend as she took her leave. What had gotten into her? Besides copious amounts of wine, that is. She prayed that Adrien’s memory of last night was even foggier than hers. She wished she had Tikki with her to talk her through this without any judgment but she just had her. And all she could do was panic.

“Hey, are you up?” Came a small voice accompanied by a knock on her door. “I just saw Alya leave and I wanted to check on you if that’s okay.”

It was Adrien. “Um yeah, I’m fine. Just tired, I guess,” she replied. He didn’t come in, she didn’t invite him. He was still wary of her. That must be as good sign, right?

“A headache?” He chuckled knowingly. “I had one too. I made a smoothie and that kind of helped. I can bring you one. Or leave it in the kitchen for you.”

“Thanks,” she said awkwardly. Silence stood between them for what felt like hours.

“Listen, about last night,” Adrien said at last. Marinette braced herself for the worst.

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to say thank you,” he said outside the door. “It meant a lot, you guys inviting me out. I had a lot of fun, well the parts I remember anyway.”

“Do you... remember walking home?”

“Hardly,” he admitted. “Apparently it rained?”

She laughed. “Go figure,” she said. She cousins sent he was right: she did enjoy the parts she remembered. “But um thank you too for helping me get home safely. You’re a good friend.”

The sound of the word made him blush, he was grateful she couldn’t see his face. “Anytime,” he said. “Feel better, I guess I’ll see you later?”

“See ya,” she said, as she heard him walk away from the door and flopped on her bed in relief. Crisis averted.

Adrien made his way down the stairs, Marinette’s keychain in hand. The moments of last night replayed in his head. It was blurry to him as well, but a few moments stood out to him. Mostly, the way she said ‘lucky charm’ and the way her smudged makeup resembled a mask.

[nbrook29]

love you to the moon and to saturn

This is part 4 of my Sander in NYC ‘verse. I posted it on ao3, but recently I’ve also been posting my fics on tumblr so here it is 😌

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 

Warnings: mild sexual content

* * *

Saturday, 10:00

His sleep was anxious, mind too preoccupied with stress to allow him to get a proper rest. The wake up was even worse as mere seconds after he blinked the sleep away from his tired eyes the memories of last night crept back in, flooding him with worry and making his brain replay the argument over and over again like a broken cassette. And then he checked his phone only to find a string of messages and missed calls, all from Sander, causing his stomach to twist with nerves at what they were going to say. 

His abrupt leaving had been a dick move and if Sander was pissed, Robbe knew he couldn’t blame him. So he stalled, finger barely swiping at the screen as he was unsure whether to unlock it and face the consequences or maybe throw the phone back on his bedside table and bury himself under the covers to wait for his courage to come back and for his nerves to settle.

Heaving a sigh, he chose option number one because it was the only rational one. 

He tapped Sander’s photo, holding his breath without even registering it.

Two seconds later he knew.

He didn’t need to worry.

 Sunday 13:00

Robbe hides another smile into his glass at the thought of yesterday’s evening, trying to focus on what Marie is saying. She’s talking animatedly about a guy she met at her new internship, hearts almost flowing out of her eyes as she swoons on the wooden stool and sips her black coffee. She’s the kind of girl who falls in love quickly and falls out of love just as quick. Across from where he’s sitting, he sees Fien and Lucas rolling their eyes at her exaggerated lovesick sighes making him snort in his marshmallow latte.

“Weren’t you obsessed with that lanky guy from Starbucks last week? What happened to him?”

Marie shrugs, tossing her long brown hair back from her shoulders. “I decided he was too old for me.”

“Didn’t you say he was 21?” Robbe interjects with amusement, remembering their group messenger chat he caught up with this morning.

“Exactly!” 

They all start bickering about the appropriate age difference in relationships, Robbe watching them as he munches happily on one of the soggy marshmallows he fished out from his cup, trying not to giggle at Lucas’ scandalized face at Marie calling 21 old. Robbe knows from the many stories Lucas has shared so far that his own boyfriend is a senior at college so his reaction is even more entertaining because of that.

It feels good to be around them again, Robbe thinks to himself. He’s been canceling on them way too often those last few weeks and he still feels guilty about it. They’re a fun bunch, their bantery dynamic established since day one when they all chose the middle row to sit in during their morning classes, and then promptly spent half of it bonding over the outrageous occurrence that was the absence of a coffee shop on the campus. Not long after, Robbe also discovered that apart from the passion for filmmaking, they all also like skateboarding. After that, the rest was history.

They were for sure a nice distraction from Robbe’s intrusive thoughts in the beginning of the semester. He lucked out, finding his group, his people, so early on in his college journey. But at some point even their goofiness and honest attempts at cheering him up weren’t enough. Not since the news from Sander came that he’s staying in New York until February and since the thing with Jens.

Now, observing them from over his half-drunk coffee, lips twitching at some of the more creative but still lowkey insults Marie and Lucas throw at each other, he realizes he has really missed them. They’re like siblings, the two of them, constantly bickering and teasing one another, but it’s all good-natured and amusing to watch. 

“Oh my god, let it go, children, for the love of god,” Fien cuts in abruptly, before turning her big expectant eyes on Robbe, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger and adding innocently, “I’d finally like to hear about Sobbe’s makeup.”

Heat rushes to Robbe’s cheeks and he scratches at the back of his neck, bashful all of a sudden. She’s the number one fangirl of his relationship, he has learned recently, but in a cute way, not creepy like Aaron sometimes used to be with his invasive questions. She always moans about being forever single, pouting at Robbe for some fluffy snippets and claiming in faux-seriousness that he owes it to the world to share them with others for being lucky enough to have a fairytale-like love story. 

Robbe has never disclosed to them how unfairytale-like some of the details are because it’s not his story to tell. But he really likes her so he always indulges her, usually after a bit of teasing. And, sue him, but he’s proud of his relationship and the fact that he of all people can call Sander his boyfriend, so even if he brags a little, he thinks he has good reasons for it. 

(He’s still kinda smug when he thinks about the time when he showed the three of them a photo of Sander, a pleased little smile on his face at their reactions and playful threats of stealing him for themselves.)

“Oh yeah, I wanna know too,” Marie agrees excitedly, scooting her chair closer to him. “You’ve been all smiley ever since you came over here so I’m guessing that hottie of yours did something right,” she ends on a teasing note, her waggling eyebrows leaving Robbe no doubts she expects some saucy details.

“Oh my god, stop,” he groans as he hides his face in his hands, his friends giggling at his embarrassment. “It wasn’t like that! We just… finally talked things out.”

 Saturday, 18:00 (flashback to last night)

Robbe’s been gnawing on his bottom lip relentlessly, completely unaware, to the point it’s a few bites away from drawing blood. He can’t help but feel nervous, the cursor hovering over the 'accept' button as he's rolling his eyes on himself internally, telling himself to stop making a bigger deal out of this that it needs to be. There is a bit of embarrassment clouding his logical reasoning to be honest, embarrassment about his overreaction last night.

Was it an overreaction? He's still not completely sure, but it's not like avoiding the situation is going to magically fix everything between them. Even though he'd really like that. It feels so awkward to be in this position. Robbe doesn't know what the protocol here is. They bicker, quite often even. Fight a little too, stomping off out of each other’s room grumpily but only over stupid stuff, nothing like this.

He's walking on an unknown ground just hoping he's not going to make things worse. He desperately needs their dynamic back because he's already over it. 

Not being able to share the most mundane every day stuff with each other over texts to joke about it, rile the other up or just vent about something stupid like their coffees not being hot enough on a given rainy morning sucks.

So he takes a deep breath and clicks on the button before he works himself into a never-ending second-guessing.

When Sander says a soft hi and smiles at him with the usual warmth in his eyes, something akin to relief courses through him from head to toe. 

He gives him his own tentative smile and a short hi, pushing himself higher against the pillows. Before Sander can say anything more, he lets go of what has been weighing down on him the entire day.

“I’m sorry,” he starts, contrite. “About yesterday. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just logged off like that without explanation. And then ignore your messages,” he adds after a pause because that’s what he feels most guilty about. He knows he’d freak out if Sander just cut him off without giving him an opportunity to talk things out, would worry himself sick. 

Sander looks conflicted, brows knitted together, like a part of him wants to reassure Robbe because it's in his nature, but the other part is genuinely hurt. Robbe doesn't want compassion. Not for that, because he knows he doesn’t deserve it. Causing Sander distress is the last thing he wants.

"Yeah, it did suck," he finally admits after a moment passes, and Robbe finds comfort in his honesty. It’s a good start. They won’t get anywhere with false niceties and pretending everything’s fine. Robbe tried pretending, yesterday and most of their calls before that, and it got them where they are now.

“I mean, I know you didn’t want to talk about your problems yesterday,” pausing, he scrunches up his nose a bit, “but maybe next time just don’t log off so abruptly so I know you’re okay?” his voice tilts on a hopeful note.

Robbe just nods, feeling shameful, hating that there’s not much more that he can do when he’s talking to him through his computer, and can’t exactly reach out to cuddle up to Sander’s side or kiss the underside of his jaw as a silent apology to then stay close for the rest of the evening as they heal together. 

It’s frustrating and disheartening, but it affects them both the same amount and Robbe needs to remember that. Because the truth is, Sander didn’t exactly give him a legitimate reason to doubt him or to think he didn’t miss him. Those full of hurt eyes Sander gave him yesterday at the suggestion have been eating away at him all day.

Robbe just got swallowed by his own insecurities and let the little things that bothered him consume him all instead of, well. Communicating.

Sander was right yesterday. Of course he was.

He knows he has some more apologies to give.

“I’m also sorry for not telling you earlier how I felt,” he keeps pouring his heart out, “and for, you know, assuming you don’t miss me much, and-”

“Woah, hey,” Sander stops him before he can get himself deeper into the spiral. “Robbe, I fucked up too, don’t take it all on yourself.” He adjusts his laptop and Robbe can see his face clearer now, his eyes bloodshot and tired, a clear sign of a sleepless night, and the guilt clogs his throat even more now.

“I should have seen something wasn’t right.” When Robbe shakes his head and goes back to apologizing, Sander shoots him a pointed look that makes him shut up. “I should have, don’t deny it. You know, I took a long walk yesterday after you hung up, to clear my head, but also to get a perspective on our latest talks. And I felt so dumb for not realizing you were not doing okay.”

“Sander, I don’t expect you to read my mind,” Robbe tries to joke, but it falls flat even in his own ears. But he can’t bear those big regretful eyes on him. He doesn't deserve them.

“Baby, I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you the way you needed me to. Please tell me now? What’s been bothering you, hmm?” 

Robbe scrubs his face trying to collect his thoughts, to find a concise way to get everything out of his chest, but he doesn’t know where to start.

“It may take a while.”

Sander makes a show of fluffing the pillow he placed against his back and getting himself more comfortable on his bed, sighing with contentment for a better effect. 

“Look, I’m in my comfy clothes, got an energy drink on my nightstand, the computer battery is full and I told everyone I’m busy so they won’t nag me with anything. I’m all yours today.” He gives him an encouraging smile, fondness etched into every crevice of his face.

Robbe’s heart does a little skip at his words, Sander’s demeanor so comforting that he feels the last pieces of apprehension ebbing away, the need to vent overpowering the hesitation of showing his vulnerability. 

“I think I just found myself overwhelmed with some things,” he admits quietly, picking at his nail, an absent-minded habit when he’s nervous, as he’s trying to find the right words. “A lot has changed in those last few months, almost all at once, and I kinda have trouble coping. And like,” he scoffs at himself, “I’m angry with myself ‘cause I should be enjoying most of it, being in college and majoring in something that I actually like, and it’s great, but I can’t help but focus on all the things that are different now, things that are not so great.”

Before continuing, he flicks his gaze to Sander for a second, only to then cast his eyes back to his lap. “The last two years with you were the happiest of my life, you know? After years of bullshit and constant misery and pretending to be somebody I wasn’t I-,” he sighs, bittersweet smile on his lips,”I finally found my person, you know?”

Sander mirrors his smile, but he’s frowning a little. “But you still have me,” he reminds him softly.

“I know, but it sucks when I can’t just, I don’t know, snuggle up you and forget about stuff. It’s all your fault, by the way, you’ve been too good to me and now I have withdrawal symptoms,” he pouts, and hears Sander chuckling on the other side of the screen.

“You have no idea how much I wish virtual hugs were a thing. And kisses, oh my god, kisses too. I’m so kiss-deprived. Once I finally get my hands on you, I won’t let you go for a week.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

For a short moment, Sander manages to bring a genuine smile on his face, but it quickly disappears when the reality sets back in. There are still almost four long months to get through. He watches Sander’s smile slipping off his face slowly and he knows they’re both thinking about it.

The boy sighs deeply. “You know, sometimes I feel like it was a mistake to-”

Robbe’s eyes snap to him. “No, no, no, don’t think that, it wasn’t a mistake. Please don’t feel guilty or something, that’s the last thing I want you to do,” he stresses. Sander still looks conflicted, and fuck, this is exactly what Robbe wanted to avoid.

“Hey, I’m serious. Look, you not being here is tough, but like I said, it’s just things piling up, changing. Shit like school work that has been piling up and me getting so stressed about the end-of-the-semester project because I still haven’t figured out the details. Plus people moving away, all of that makes it difficult for me to adjust. So don’t go thinking it’s because you’re the center of my universe or something,” he ends his rambling with a feigned-offended huff and Sander easily lets them slip into their usual banter.

“I’m not?! Wow, the things a guy finds out after being such a devoted and doting and loving boyfriend.” He wipes the imaginary tear, letting out a long-suffering sigh. “Such a menace, breaking my heart in half on this lovely Saturday afternoon.” He purses his lips in offence and Robbe is grateful for Sander’s attempt to lift the mood, trying to be upbeat.

He feels a tug in his chest thinking about how if Sander was here, he’d be tackling him to the nearest surface to shut him up with tickles and loud smooches and playful jabs in the sides and how they would make much more noise than necessary, acting like the rambunctious teens they are.

That’s going to have to wait too. But he discovers this thought doesn’t hurt as much as it would have yesterday because their conversation right now, this opportunity to vent and Sander’s texts last night, all of it makes him feel better, helps him see he’s not alone.

“I love you,” he blurts out all of a sudden, and it’s something he’s wanted to say since he read his heartfelt texts this morning that almost made him cry in relief.

Sander blinks a couple times, surprised, but then his previously playful face melts into such a fond look it makes Robbe blush like it was the first time he said it.

The I love you too comes right away, soft and quiet, like he’s telling a secret, and it’s heart-stoppingly precious.

To keep himself from drowning in fuzzy feelings, he shoots him a private little smile and steers the conversation back to his friends, telling him how it sucks that it’s they all now live away and how unexpectedly difficult it is to meet up. Robbe’s used to basically having everyone at arm-reach.

“We do video call, obviously, but you know, Milan is all loved up with Ralph in Amsterdam and not that keen on leaving their love nest and Zoe and Senne keep traveling between Genk and Ghent, which with Zoe’s coursework and internship is already a struggle. I don’t think they’re doing that well, actually,” he winces, remembering their last conversation.

If during freshman year somebody had told Robbe who his best friends were going to be, he’d looked at them as if they had grown two heads. Because for real, Jana’s new friend and her roommate? And school’s fuckboy? 

But life’s funny like that sometimes. Moving into their apartment in his sophomore year has been one of the best decisions he’s ever made. His number one best decision is currently frowning at him from his dirty screen.

“Oh, that sucks. Do you think they’ll work it out?” 

Robbe sighs deeply, propping his chin on the heel of his palm. “Senne has been thinking about finding a job in Genk so I hope so.”

Sander huffs a laugh suddenly, shaking his head. “Wow, I wish I was in his place and there were only 2 hours between us, instead of a whole ass ocean.”

“Yeah, I think once you’re back we’re gonna have a master's degree in that long distance bullshit,” Robbe smiles at him wistfully. 

“Ugh, never again though. You’re not getting rid of me, it sucks without you, Robin.” He sounds so grumpy Robbe can’t help the short giggle that escapes him, but deep down he’s happy they both share that sentiment.

They’re staring at each other now, enjoying the moment before Sander shoots him a knowing look. “You haven’t mentioned Jens.”

That sobers him up enough for the fuzzy feelings to disappear from his stomach. 

Jens. There’s not much to talk about really. And isn’t that a punch-in-a gut kind of truth considering it was his best friend? Isn’t it heartbreaking that Robbe didn’t even feel like fighting for that relationship and there’s a nagging voice in his head telling him that Jens didn’t either? Just a regular heated argument was enough to finally cut that last string, to put a stop to a friendship that had been hanging by a thread long before. Not that they had noticed.

He felt awful, afterwards. More alone than ever before. But deep down he knew it had only been a matter of time. He just wished Sander had been there to pick up the pieces.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Robbe winces, going back to apologizing once he translates his feelings to words the best he can, hoping he made Sander understand.

The boy pulls a face at him, eyes narrowed as he pretends to give him a stern look. “Enough with apologizing today, okay?” He waits until Robbe nods, albeit begrudgingly, because it’s in his second nature to keep saying sorry when he knows he messed up.

He nestles against his pillows to get more comfortable as he glances to the window, registering that sometime during their call it got completely dark outside, November days getting shorter still. He can feel tiredness starting to creep into his bones, the nervous anticipation before their call he had endured all day wearing him down significantly. 

There are still some things he needs to get out of his chest and Sander coaxes them gently one by one, listening to him moaning and groaning about his school course load and how he thinks he’s not skilled enough to come up with interesting ideas and being quick to cut him off and reassure him when Robbe’s words get self-deprecating. He’s so attentive and so patient with him, not even an ounce of judgement in his eyes that Robbe feels the pressure and stress that have accumulated over the last few weeks finally letting go with each word he pours out.

When the conversation eventually steers to Robbe’s uni friends and he admits sheepishly that he kinda ghosted them lately, feeling too blue to go out and have fun, Sander interrupts him mid-sentence.

“You should reach out to them, tonight.”

At Robbe’s unsure look, he continues, “If they’re as cool as you made them out to be, I’m sure they’re gonna understand you needed some time to figure things out.”

He then proceeds to cover his ears and whistle, refusing to talk more until Robbe caves and shoots a text to the group chat, trying to keep it short, but explaining things along the way and making amends. Sander’s very pleased with his persuasion skills, beaming at him when Robbe reads him the replies he gets from Lucas, Marie and Fien, wearing a small smile himself as he rolls his eyes at Sander’s smug face. 

Sander then asks about his mom and it’s so sweet because he always makes sure to ask, and Robbe falls for him even more each time he does. He’s a bit reluctant when Robbe tries to make him talk about his recent days, keeps saying this call is not about him, but he gives in before Robbe gets upset about it.

Watching his eyes light up with excitement when he talks about his classes works like a balm for Robbe’s yearning heart, Sander’s genuine happiness making his own struggles worth it. It’s a nice reminder that he’s there to make his dreams come true and that it’s everything Robbe has wished for him.

When Sander talks about shenanigans with his friends, Robbe recalls the TikTok video he watched some days ago.

“Nice Michael Jackson moves, by the way,” he comments, trying to sound innocent, but it ends up coming out a little coyishly as he bites at his finger to hide his smirk. 

Confusion clouds Sander’s face but only for a second. Then, his lips stretch in a wide grin and he looks very pleased with the confession. “Have you been stalking me, Robin?”

Robbe shrugs, a picture of innocence as he keeps peeking at him from under his lashes. “I might’ve seen a video or two. They’re all so thirsty for you in the comments though,” he adds, putting a note of faux-jealousy in his voice. He quickly noticed that Sander’s new uni friend is semi-popular on the app so his videos always get a fair share of comments. Ever since Sander appeared in them, the hoard of the guy’s fans has been declaring their love for Robbe’s boyfriend under every video. They mostly make him laugh, but sometimes he’ll roll his eyes at some of the raunchier ones, possessiveness that he didn’t know he had activating in his brain.

He waits for Sander’s cocky comment, but to his utter delight, he blushes deep red and scoffs.

“Shut up, it’s so embarrassing,” hiding his face in his hands, he adds, “All of my friends have been teasing me about it constantly.”

“Aww, poor you, being fawned over must be such a hardship, how do you cope?”

“Oh I don’t know, smartass, you can tell me from experience ‘cause I saw those comments under your old vlogs.” 

Robbe huffs a laugh. “They were nowhere near as detailed as yours!”

“What can I say, I’m irresistible,” Sander quips back and yeah, there he is, Robbe’s favorite (cocky) dork. “If I’d known you’re my TikTok fan, I’d have sent you those videos right away so you wouldn’t have to waste your time searching for them."

Robbe sighs. “They are a nice window to your life there,” he replies offhandedly, not even registering the implied double meaning to his words, but the immediate change in Sander’s amused expression makes him aware of the slip.

Fuck. 

“So you noticed. That I’ve been texting you less.”

Robbe drops his gaze, pulling the cover further up his body, feeling awkward again. He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of this.

Sander shifts on his bed, scratching at his head. “I felt like I was too much, you know? I wanted to share every silly thing with you, but then, well, it was something Josh said that I should,” he waves vaguely trying to find the right words, “cut back on my ‘running commentary’ ‘cause it’s probably annoying.”

“Tell Josh he’s stupid,” Robbe cuts in with a huff, grumpily beating his pillow into submission to make it more comfortable. 

The corners of Sander’s mouth twitch at his comment, but his face remains sheepish. “I think he was mostly joking, but it got stuck in my mind and made me question every message. In the end, I didn’t send like half of them,” he explains softly, voice colored with poorly hidden self-consciousness. “I didn’t want to give you the impression I don't have time for you, I’m sorry.”

And, fuck. They’re both idiots.

Sander’s brows shoot up when Robbe bursts into giggles out of the blue, clearly surprised with the reaction. But at this point, it feels like the only proper thing to do.

“So basically we could have avoided this whole bullshit if we just talk about all this sooner,” he groans at the realization, burying half on his face in his pillow to hide his heated face because he’s a little embarrassed he blew things out of proportion.

There’s a visible relief on Sander’s face too, eyes crinkling as he regards him with a dopey grin, and Robbe knows.

They’re gonna be fine. 

“Here I thought we were masters of communication,” Sander sighs with a faux-disappointment, leaning back to smile at the ceiling. “Fuck, no more of assuming shit, what do you think?”

And that sounds like something Robbe can get behind one hundred percent, more than ready to leave their misunderstandings in the past and just do better. So he nods, chin digging into his collarbone uncomfortably with the position he’s lying in, but it doesn’t matter, he’s too preoccupied with staring at his happy face and swimming in his fuzzy feelings.

“Prepare yourself for an onslaught of photos and messages, I’m not messing around,” Sander warns, smiling at Robbe’s soft okay. “You know, just a few days ago I ended up at Pebble Beach, it was cold as all fucks, but the view was just,” he imitates an explosion over his head and Robbe giggles at his childlike enthusiasm. Then, Sander’s face softens and becomes a little sad. “That place is so romantic that it made me feel like shit without you there,” he sighs, and Robbe can relate. “I’ll take you there one day.”

“You’re gonna take me to New York?” Robbe asks, doubt lacing his voice as he cocks his brow which makes Sander scoff in indignance.

“Hell yeah! You don’t believe me? What do you think I’m doing here everyday? I’m scouting the best places for dates, finding the best skateparks and checking out all the museums so I can be the perfect guide for you!” Sander throws his hands, a duh expression on his face, but there’s a wide smile brewing on his lips letting Robbe know he’s not really offended or anything. And, honestly, Robbe just melts with his words.

“I can’t wait, baby,” he sighs dreamily, rubbing his cheek against his pillow as he gazes at him with what he’s sure is the softest look. 

Sander narrows his eyes playfully from above the can of Redbull he’s been sipping on. “Don’t ever doubt I’m gonna go out of my way to impress you.” 

Robbe blows him a kiss that morphs into a huge yawn, eyelids growing heavy, forcing him to blink repeatedly to stay away which prompts Sander to tease him a little about boring him, but it quickly dies out and he’s just looking at him fondly.

“You should go to sleep.” He ignores Robbe’s melodic neeees, giving him a stern look that was probably supposed to be intimidating, but he looks too amused to keep it up. Once Robbe gets his promise they will see each other tomorrow, Sander sends him several virtual kisses and goodnights before logging off.

Robbe falls asleep with Sander’s beaming face flowing through his mind.

The sleep that comes is unsurprisingly the calmest he’s had in weeks.

 Sunday, 18:00

Sander: And?

Robbe: And what?

Sander: Was I right?

Robbe: About?

Sander: About your friends

Robbe: Kinda

Sander: So it means I was 😎

Robbe: :):):) yes

Sander: Thank you sander

Robbe: Thank you sander 

Sander: See, you're so precious everybody's in love with you and forgive you in seconds 

Robbe: 🙄 

Robbe: Precious srsly?

Sander: So precious 🥰

Robbe: Omg

Sander: Haha

Robbe: We're good 😊

Robbe: But I don't think they are in love with me 😂

Sander: They better not be 🤨 I'll fight them all! 🗡💀🧟🤺

Robbe: Dork ❤

Robbe: I think they a little bit in love with u though 🤔 

Robbe: They've been babbling all afternoon about how cute you are 🙄

Robbe: A g a i n *yawn*

Sander: They have good taste 🤷♂️

Robbe: Nah they just don't know your annoying habits so that's why

Sander: 😮 I don't have any how dare you badmouthing me like that

Robbe: 🥴

Robbe: You never wash your coffee cups right away so they lay around

Robbe: You always tickle me when you want sth

Robbe: You're full of corny jokes

Robbe: You eat my fries when I don't look 

Robbe: You hog the covers

Robbe: And I still remember that Wednesday when you ate my last bag of chips 💔

Sander: Okay first of all

Sander: Wow

Sander: Don't hold back 🥺

Sander: Second of all

Sander: I THOUGHT THOSE CHIPS WERE MILAN'S I TOLD YOU!!!

Robbe: That's what they all say 💔

Sander: You're unfair, I thought I made up for that lil mistake 🍆

Robbe: Well you did 🙈 but I still remember 😝

Sander: Also you love my jokes

Sander: They're awesome 🤧

Robbe: I'm just messing around 😘😘

Sander: 🥰

Robbe: But I swear to god if I have to listen one more time to Marie waxing lyricals about your 'perfect moles' I'm gonna 🤮

Sander: What haha 😂

Robbe: I mean they are but like

Robbe: Chill girl he's not your man 🤨

Sander: That's right cause I'm your man 😏

Robbe: And don't you forget that

Thursday, 3:48

Soft knuckles brush his skin, body arching into the touch that turns his muscles into jelly and sends liquid fire rushing through him. He’s overheated in the best way possible, seeking out Sander’s tongue, but the boy denies him access, smirk well in place as he pulls back, green eyes cloudy from lust. He’s staring at him like he wants to eat him whole and Robbe almost whimpers, bones melting and lids closing when Sander takes the tender flesh of his neck between his teeth and bites at it ever so gently, but just enough to make Robbe see stars. 

He sighs as he feels a ghost of touch on his nipple, Sander leaving a trail of kisses down his sternum as he’s moving so teasingly slow to his final destination, and he doesn’t even hesitate, spreading his legs wider around Sander’s hips in a blatant invitation, blushing hot pink when Sander sends him a fox-like grin, mouthing at his inner thigh.

The details get fuzzy for a few seconds, Robbe blinking rapidly to get his surroundings and finding himself on top of Sander, and there’s an inkling at the back of his brain telling him something’s messed up about the logistics here. He decides to ignore it, focusing back on the moment and Sander’s glistening, kiss-swollen lips, on his eyes transfixed on the place where they’re connected, and he leans down, his tongue sweeping over his Sander’s bottom lip before he starts pressing soft, spit-slick kisses into his mouth. He pushes Sander’s hands up over his head and intertwines their fingers, arching his back as he takes over, the rush of pleasure almost overwhelming him.

“Ohmygod, Sander,” Robbe breathes into his mouth. His hands are trailing all over Sander’s chest and stomach now, squeezing and rubbing almost like he’s his personal plaything.

It’s not long before Sander’s warm hands draw him back towards his chest, lips ghosting along Robbe’s, teasing, always teasing, but not granting permission to properly meet, making Robbe impatient and whine in desperation only for Sander to grin wickedly at him. He feels nails dragging along his spine, leaving goosebumps in their wake, stopping at his cheeks, massaging them to his heart content while Robbe can only pant, rocking back and forth and biting his bottom lip to keep from coming.

He’s an oversensitive, blissed out mess, trying to keep his eyes open to take a mental snapshot of Sander’s lust-blown pupils as they watch each other, Sander fucking him slowly and punching the prettiest sounds out of Robbe’s mouth.

Hips stuttering, he drops back down on his elbows to crash his lips against Sander’s, feeling his body tensing he’s so close and-

Eyes shot wide open, blinking harshly against the darkness of the room. His first instinct is to reach out to the other side of the bed, snuggle closer to the source of heat lying next to him, but his brain catches up with his hands quickly and he stops himself mid-reach, groaning as he flops back on the bed, disappointed. He kicks his covers down grumpily, letting cold air hit his overheated skin, frustrated and too awake to go to sleep now.

Fuck.

 Thursday, 13:08

*photo attached*

Sander: Good morning x

Robbe: Heeyy sleepyhead 😘

Robbe: You look cute

Sander: I had very interesting dreams last night 

Robbe: Oh yeah? 

Sander: Yeah I'm still affected by them 😏

Robbe: Stop it I'm at a coffee shop with the guys!

Sander: I'll have to tell you about it tonight then 😈

Robbe: Can't wait 😘

Sander: Today at 16 my time right? 

Robbe: Yep :) 

Robbe: You know

Sander: Hmm?

Robbe: I might have some of those dreams too last night

Sander: 🥵🥵🥵

Sander: Do tell

Robbe: 🙈

Sander: Now I’m super intrigued 😈

Robbe: How about I tell you tonight 

Robbe: With details

Robbe: Lots of them

Sander: Tonight can't come fast enough 😩

Sander: Looks like I will though 😏

Robbe: Omg you're such a dork 😂

Sander: Did it get u hot

Robbe: No wtf 😂

Sander: ☹🥺

Sander: Kay

Sander: I have to get up now

Sander: I'm late 🙄

Sander: Robin it's raining I don't wanna go out 😩

Robbe: Haha get your pretty ass out of bed and go be a good student!

Sander: Ugh fine 🙄

Sander: I love you ❤

Robbe: ❤

Sander: Hey no, not an emoji, tell me you love me ☹

Robbe: Haha

Sander: Come on

Robbe: 🤐

Sander: Robbe

Robbe: Gotta go 😌

Sander: Okay then 😔💔

Robbe: I love you too idiot ❤❤❤💯

Sander: Yesss 🥰

Sander: Hey that's my emoji 😏 so you like it after all

Robbe: 😂 go to class!!! 

Sander: I'm going I'm going

Friday, 19:00

Robbe checks his phone for time again, not wanting to be late for his call with Sander, but there’s still about half an hour until he should get going. It’s been a pleasant evening and a while ago he would have never called any time of the day spent with his father ‘pleasant’, but there he is. Enjoying his dinner not only with him but also with his girlfriend of six months that he met in July when the first attempts to salvage the relationship with his dad have been made. 

And it’s all because of Sander. The fact that he’s even here speaks volumes about his skill of persuasion. If it hadn’t been for his boyfriend, Robbe would have continued to stew in his own juices and ignored his dad. 

“How is Sander doing? New York is a jungle.”

Robbe huffs a laugh. “He’s good, he fits in well in the city vibe. But, um, he needs to stay a bit longer, till February actually ‘cause the school postponed the art show.”

He goes for another bite, frown on his face at the mere reminder of the change of plans. 

“You probably hate it, huh?” his father questions. 

His only response is to throw him a duuuh look, making his dad snort.

“You should visit him.”

Robbe looks up from over his spaghetti, expecting to see his dad laughing or winking at him, but both him and Margaux are looking at him with unsuspecting smiles, like the suggestion is the most obvious thing in the world.

He exhales a short dad in a laugh, glancing at them back and forth. “I don’t have a spare several thousand euros lying around waiting to be spent on a trip to New York,” he explains, slight exasperation in his voice. 

“Oh I don’t think you’d need that much, Robbe,” Margaux smiles at him as she puts away her fork and reaches for her phone. “A few months ago I was actually backpacking with my friend through the East Coast and, wait, let me check, I have everything saved on my AirBnB account.”

Robbe gets back to his dinner as she scrolls on her phone, trying to squish the building hope in his chest away because even if it’s cheaper than he thinks, there’s still no way he can afford it; his equipment and books for school have eaten all of his savings.

“There it is! Look,” she scoots her chair closer to him, his dad peeking at the phone from the other side. “We stayed in Brooklyn for 98$ a day for a double bed, in Bedford to be exact and the conditions were really nice, plus the train station was close by. I’m sure you could find something half as cheap since it’s just you and the room can be tiny, just to sleep really.”

“That’s a reasonable price, I think,” his dad joins in, and then proceeds to ask her questions about her other expenditures while in the city and the flight prices, debating whether it’s better to drive to Frankfurt and take a direct flight from there or maybe decide on a layover flight from Brussels. 

They are so into the planning and discussing the best options that they both jump slightly when Robbe speaks again, clearly forgetting he’s sitting right next to them, a picture of confusion. 

“Guys, guys, wait. It doesn’t matter if it’s 1500 euros, or even 1000 euros because that’s still a 1000 euros more than I have to spend on a trip anywhere.” 

His dad is so enthralled into checking different flights that he barely raises his head from above his phone, replying offhandedly, “I’ll pay for it.”

And, okay, no. Robbe gapes at him like he grew two heads, spluttering, because hell no.

“No way, I won’t take your money, dad.”

His vehement tone finally makes his father properly regard him and he sighs after a second. “Robbe, please don’t treat it as an attempt to buy you or your feelings.”

Straight to the point, his dad, always has been. It definitely is one the reasons for his refusal, but it’s not only that.

Robbe takes a deep breath to calm down. “Look, dad, it’s still lots of money. I can’t-”

“I’m many things, but irresponsible with money I’m definitely not. So if I say that I can pay for it, it means that I can afford it and it won’t affect me.” He gives him a pointed look. Before Robbe can argue again, he continues. “We can treat it as your Christmas gift. And next year’s birthday gift. And last two Christmases gifts as well.”

Robbe thinks about the packages he received from his father those holidays, and how he sent them back without even opening. Then, it definitely felt like buying his affection.

“You’ve been doing good at school, got into the university you wanted, you’ve been more responsible those last few years that I could’ve ever asked from you. Then you worked during the summer because you were adamant about paying for school stuff yourself. I think you earn it, Robbe. If you don’t want to go for other reasons, then that’s fine, but if it’s just about the money, please let me give you this.”

“New York is the kind of place everyone should visit at least one,” Margaux says gently. She has a warm smile that immediately made Robbe like her, despite really trying not to for obvious reasons. “And I think Sander would love for you to come visit too.”

Robbe has been torn before she spoke, but the mention of Sander reminds him of their videocall a while back, Sander telling him about places he was going to show him one day, being his guide and taking him to his favorite spots in the city. He can see it all vividly now when the opportunity is at his fingertips, can’t stop the excitement filling his body at the thought of seeing Sander before that dreadful February, even though he’s still now sure what to do.

While he’s been lost in his thoughts, trying to come to some conclusion, Margaux has been typing away at her phone. “Dates around Christmas are very expensive, but what would you say about, let’s say, December 8th? Til December 17th?”

Robbe wouldn’t even consider Christmas because there’s no way he would leave his mom alone for the holidays, but… the dates Margaux offered seem kinda perfect. His main project is due on December 4th so he wouldn’t have to worry about that and it’d be fine if he missed classes for those several days. Completely unaware, he finds himself making plans in his head before he even made a decision to accept his father’s money, but when his eyes snap to his dad’s, the small smile he gives him lets him know he already knows Robbe’s answer.

 December 7th, 22:00

His excitement has been uncontainable the entire day, making him so giddy he had to cancel his regular call with Sander because his boyfriend would figure him out in seconds. And that’s the last thing he wants. 

He’s still in shock that he somehow managed to keep it from him, planning a surprise in his head ever since he agreed to his dad’s help and working extra hard at uni to afford missing those 8 days of school. There’s apparently been one close call when Younes almost spilled the beans to Sander during their Zoom, but thank god for Yasmina who managed to effortlessly salvage the secret, improvising and coming up with an easy lie, leaving him unsuspicious of any ploy going on.

And Robbe just. He just can’t wait. He’s been counting hours since last week, his lips yearning to be kissed by his favorite person, body pining for touch and caress. 

Lost in the dreams of their reunion, Robbe’s startled by a ping from his phone, lips stretching in a wide smile when he sees a notification from Sander’s instagram. He opens it, curious, melting when he’s greeted with a graffiti sign saying ENKEL LIEFDE, Sander’s style easily recognizable to him. Underneath, there’s a heart and his own handle and that shit never fails to make Robbe heart stutter. There’s a DM from Sander waiting for him as well, the same photo, but Sander’s caption says The High Line needed its own version of my love declaration for you, but unfortunately I couldn’t find enough space for a redo of your gorgeous face Robin :( So I did this :) You like it?

He replies with a bunch of red hearts, likes the post and adds another heart in a comment because there’s never too many of those. Then he flops back on his bed, a smile glued to his face.

Nineteen hours.

[amythecinnabunny]

71 and 100 Julie and Luke

71. Twenty-Four Hours to Live  

100. Accidentally Saving the Day   

You really would like to kill the fandom and me wouldn't you???? I tried so hard to make it jukebox specific but the whole band + Willie are so closely entwined with each other its nearly impossible akxbjsbsbs

So I'm thinking canon-verse? But a year later or less. I think more than a year would get a little awkward as Julie would surpass 17 in a year's time.

All our current problems and issues are resolved by this point. Ray, Carlos and Tia Victoria have met the band. Possibly Carrie too. The Bobby/Trevor debacle is dealt with. Caleb is deslth with (he's not dead(er) he's just keeping to the HGC). Julie and Carrie have since mended their friendship. Jukebox and Williex are official now. Possibly Flarrie too, maybe Kaylie. Maybe Nick/Flynn. Maybe Carricklynn. Maybe Nick/Reggie. Who knows, anything is possible. Julie can see but not touch Willie -- but he others can't see him at all.

The band has made it big by now. They're the latest and greatest. Almost everyone is talking about Julie and the Phantoms. By now, articles and posts refer to them as legends.

Julie's looking at colleges now and it's kinda settling in that Julie's growing up. In a year, she'll be done with high school and going off to college, something the boys never even had the change to do. So that angsty conversation's gonna happen.

But then things start to get weird. Sometimes, Julie will pass through the boys but they won't immediately notice. Or they'll be talking to someone other that Julie and they'll sort of flicker. Not physically or anything its just that to the other person, they're flickering.

Oh yeah, for this, I'm gonna go with the more they play with Julie, the more human-like they get and by the end of the year gap, they're visible full-time, just not always tangible to people other than Julie. They can still do their gimmick cause the whole visible thing is on command. So you can bet your ass Luke vanished on the spot when Ray asked about jukebox.

The strange thing is . . . It's happening with Willie too. Sometimes Willie's hand will go right through Alex's. Sometimes he and Reggie are playing video games with Carlos and then both of them see Reggie flickering and Reggie, of course, doesn't notice

One evening, after a late night gig, Julie and the boys gather on one couch to watch the local 24/7 news together and see them hit the highlights on a recap. The newscaster??? newsreader??? wtf do you call em? anyway the presenter brings them up near midnight and calls them Los Angeles' most beloved legends.

Midnight on the dot, the boys get these circles on their wrists. Like tattoos. A stamp. Just a thick black ring. They're all confused about it and they check Julie's wrist for a ring -- maybe it's a magic band thing? -- but Julie's wrists are free of any black circles.

They're so confused, they spend all night thinking about it. Julie doesn't even sleep. She calls Flynn about it. She calls Carrie about it. She even talks to Carlos until he gets tired. Alex brings Willie over to talk about it. They're all so baffled that they don't notice it changing until dawn-ish.

Willie's the one to notice Alex's. A quarter of the ring is missing. Julie grabs Luke's wrist and compares it to Reggie's before scrambling over each other to put their wrists next to Alex's. All still identical, with about a quarter of it missing.

"It looks like a countdown."

"What happens when it counts down to the end?"

Silence

Willie says he'll ask around the HGC. Yes, Caleb is safe to visit. His ass has been kicked and it's mostly embarrassment that keeps him holed up when he's not performing or practicing.

Reggie shrugs it off, saying he and Carlos have a date with Destiny. Destiny 2, to be specific. Alex also shrugs it aside, he has a Dirty Candy rehearsal to crash and he's not about to miss it. (The running lie is that the boys visit Julie after every gig. Maybe Kayla knows the truth too. Idk it's small details, up to the author that would like to decimate me by writing this)

That leaves Luke and Julie alone together. Julie can't get it out of her mind. If it's a countdown, what's it counting down to? What happens at the end?

Luke tries to take her mind off it with some songwriting after she gets breakfast, maybe practicing a little together. They even write a little bit of a duet together. Luke keeps Julie entertained for a full four hours, amid which Alex returned and chose to go and watch Reggie and Carlos completely lose track of time.

Julie takes an hour-long nap, leaving Luke to stare at the ring on his wrist and wonder why it's nearly a half circle now.

Willie pops into the studio in a frenzied panic, Reggie and Alex in tow. Luke is so startled, he nearly drops the acoustic. The clatter wakes Julie. Willie looks almost apologetic when he notices her.

Julie asks him what he found out as Luke sits next to her and helps her move her hair from her face. Willie struggles to explain. He's half hoping that maybe, if he doesn't say it aloud, it won't be true. He says it's a clock. It's twenty four hours.

Reggie is the one who asks what happens at the final hour. Willie doesn't answer for a long while. He just holds Alex's hand tight.

At the same time, Willie's hand drops as if he hadn't been holding on to anything and Luke's arm passes right through Julie. The boys flicker before Julie and Willie and it lasts nearly ten seconds.

It slowly dawns on them. No one wants to say it.

"They cross over," Julie whispers when the silence gets heavier than the revelation. Willie only nods. The silence in the garage weighs on them almost visibly.

They look at their wrists, almost half circles.

"So we have about twelve hours left," Alex says. "Maybe we can figure out a way to stop it."

Willie reaches for Alex's hand again. "I asked. There's no way to stop it. Once your unfinished business is complete, you have twenty four hours before you're gone from here. Gone for good."

Luke is adamant there's a way to stop it. His arm tightens around Julie, like she's the one leaving. He hates the defeated look in Willie's eyes. He hates that even in the back of his own mind, there's a voice telling him to get his affairs in order before he dies for the second time.

By the time Reggie determinedly states that there has to be a way to stop it and that they will figure it out, the marks have become perfect half-circles. There are only twelve hours left.

I don't wanna think too hard about it because I don't need to cry at 10pm, but there will be a lot of sad but sweet jukebox moments in between it all.

By the time there's only a third of the ring left, they've started losing hope. They haven't found a single ghost who has any idea how to help. The internet has been very unhelpful. There was a group of wiccans who tried to help but they suggested a spell that didn't look very authentic and it also involved sacrificing a goat at midnight and well, they didn't have until midnight. Still, the wiccans were very sympathetic and wished them well.

They didn't know how to tell the rest about this and they didn't have any idea how to say goodbye to each other. It felt like they were trying to say goodbye to a piece of themselves, the the most important part of themselves.

At the three-quarter mark, Reggie quietly tells Alex and Luke that they ought to spend some time alone with Willie and Julie. If Reggie/Nick or Reggie/Flynn is a thing for this, then Reggie would spend some time alone with them. If not, probably Ray and Carlos.

Cue the most heartwrenching conversation you have ever read in your life, ending with the worlds most grief-filled kiss. I'd get into it but like I said up there, I cannot afford to start crying now.

It's a thin black strip when they get together in the studio. Reggie's partner would be there too if he has one. If not, it's just the band + Willie.

Willie hasn't let go of Alex for over an hour, but now, when the mark is a nearly invisible line, he nudges Alex forward, towards Julie and Luke.

"Band circle?" Luke tries to joke. It only makes their tears fall faster.

Reminiscent of the hug they shared when Caleb's stamp lifted, the four of them try as hard as they can to hug each other as tightly as possible. Willie thinks to himself that he feels strange not being the last person to hold Alex, but it feels like for his band to be the last people to hold him.

None of them are very co-ordinated outside of music related things and just like the night a year ago, they tumble to the ground when someone stands on someone's foot and someone leans a little too much in one direction.

Willie can't help the laugh. It's just so them to be so undignified even in their last moments. He can't even see any of their marks anymore. The only reason he knows it must still be there is because the boys are this there. They knock the radio down and it starts playing the last inserted CD. Willie joins them on the ground and lays his head on Alex's chest as Now or Never fills the studio. --like we'll live forever, but live it like it's now or never

Julie, from between Luke and Reggie, reaches over to grab Alex's hoodie, just so she can be holding on to all of them when it happens. "I love you guys so much."

Luke kisses her forehead. There is a chorus of, "I love you too, Julie." Willie and Alex quietly share another set of "I love you"s.

Julie has long since gotten used to laying her head on Luke's chest and hearing nothing, but the silence behind the old song is nearly deafening. It just serves as a reminder than this is the last time she will ever see or touch Luke or Alex or Reggie again. She wraps her other arm around Reggie. It's uncomfortable and is probably bruising some part of her body, but she needs to be able to hold them all before they go.

Julie shuts her eyes and holds tightly to her boys, wishing with all her heart that there was some way to save her boys again. Some way to bring them back properly this time, so they could grow up with her. Some way to make sure Alex and Willie could stay together, that one of then won't ever have to say goodbye.

It only registers that something feels a little strange after the song abruptly cuts. The CD scratches, trying to play the rest of it but there's just a steady clicking sound. It clicks on a steady count. Like a steady drum beat. In time to a pulsing beat.

Like startled stoats, Willie and Julie shoot up and lock eyes over Alex and Luke.

The boys are, rightfully, confused.

Julie and Willie spiderman-meme point at each other, sputtering like an old car on a frozen winter morning.

Still confused and expecting to be long gone, they boys sit up and search their wrists for any traces of the mark, even the thinnest of lines.

Finally, Julie gets a coherent word out. "Heartbeat!"

"Heartbeat!" Willie echoes, nodding vigorously.

They're still jabbing their fingers at each other, having a full conversation with their sputtering sounds.

"Heartbeat?" Reggie echoes, baffled.

Julie and Willie yell at Luke and Alex, "Heartbeat!" It seems to be the only word they can get out. Clicking her tongue, Julie grabs Luke's hand and presses it to his own chest.

Reggie screams suddenly. He's standing suddenly and he's got his fingers at his neck. "P-p-p-pulse!"

He looks at Julie and Willie. "Heartbeat," he says slowly, understanding.

Alex screams. Willie only realises Alex had been holding his wrist when he lets go.

"What?"

Alex reaches out for Willie, as if to cue his face, but instead places his fingers just under Willie's jaw. He screams again, startling Willie, who never expected his boyfriend to look him in the eye and shout like he'd seen a demon. So Willie screams. Which startles Alex. Who screams again.

Luke finally registers what's going on. He screams. Right in Julie's ear. She gets startled. She screams. Startling Luke. Who screams again.

Reggie is still screaming with each place he puts his fingers and feels a steady beat.

There is so much screaming going on in the studio that Ray and Carlos make their way down too. Carri and Flynn, who wanted to be there for Julie after, come barreling in after. The four of them stand there, perplexed, as Julie, Alex, Reggie, Willie and Luke, all standing now, point at each other and scream.

Its pandemonium, honestly. A miracle none of the neighbors have come over to check.

And Julie drops her first curse in front of her dad as she stares at Luke, Reggie and Alex. "WHAT THE FUCK, YOU GUYS????"

Willie, who's never had any qualms cursing when no living adult could ever hear him, stares at Juliie like she's grown a second head. "NO! NO NO NO! NOT THEM WHAT THE FUCK! ME WHAT THE FUCK!!! ME!!!!"

Julie squints at Willie. "What??"

Alex holds up Willie's wrist. "PULSE!!"

Julie's eyebrows shoot up. "PULSE???? WHAT DO YOU MEAN PULSE?!"

"I mean pulse! What do you think??"

"What the hell is going on in here?" Carrie finally mutters.

As one, they all turn to the perplexed group in the doorway. Julie grabs Luke and drags him up to Carrie. She almost throws him at Carrie with the amount of force she uses to thrust his arm at her. "Pulse," she says, pointing to Luke's wrist.

Carrie sighs. "You know you're the only one that can--" Carrie screams when Julie slaps her arm with Luke's hand. Carrie screaming startles Flynn, who let's out a short screech.

"NO MORE SCREAMING!" Ray yells. In the silence, the clicking radio seems to get louder. Not trusting any of the screaming teenagers, Ray turns to his son. "Carlos, can you turn that off, please?"

Carlos rights the radio and presses the pause button. He presses it again. Sunset Curve fills the studio for a second -- dreaming like we'll live forever -- before Carlos manages to get it off.

Later, after they've explained everything and are still trying to wrap their heads around it, Julie crawls onto the couch beside Luke and lays her head on his chest. It's incredibly strange to hear a steady beat where there was once nothing but she can't deny that she loves the sound of it.

"That demo has more magic in it than the entire Hollywood Ghost Club," Alex mutters from the armchair he and Willie are squished into.

"I wonder what'll happen if I listen to any of the other tracks on the demo," Julie jokes.

"We'll probably grow wings," Reggie mutters from under Carlos, who had been so thrilled that Reggie wasn't leaving anytime soon, he had fallen asleep hugging Reggie.

Alex and Luke laugh, sharing an inside joke.

"You think you guys would still be here if Reggie didn't knock the radio over?" Willie asks.

"All hail, my mighty inability to watch where I'm going."

This time, Julie and Willie laugh too.

Julie curls up against Luke and sighs contentedly, listening to Luke's heart pound against his ribcage. In that moment, she can't think if anywhere else she'd rather be, anything else she'd rather listen to.

For the first time since they died, when Julie finally falls asleep, they doze off too.

Willie feels strange. When he yawns, he realizes he hasn't been tired since he first woke up as a ghost. It's nightly inconvenient and annoying, but he hasn't felt this alive since Alex first kissed him. As Willie dozes off, he makes a mental reminder to figure out what included him in the whole thing. He'll forget when he wakes up and they spend the day celebrating their mere alive-ness.

Things get even more interesting when Julie and the Phantoms perform again and Jullie accidentally walks through Luke, but that's a whole other story.

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Dolokhov/Hélène Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Dolokhov/Hélène playlist annotations!

I stole several songs from a playlist my friends have and I’m not gonna put those on this list, I won’t pretend I came up with those

The ship playlists (since they aren’t for canon couples) are very much based on my headcanons. We don’t get to see them interact literally ever so I’ve just extrapolated what I can. Several of these songs are at least alluding to sex, I don’t really think they actually slept together for various reasons I can enumerate if someone asks, but it’s more about the vibes of the song.

Casual Affair - Panic! At The Disco

It’s literally in the title. Bestie how much more explanation do you need? I don’t even like this song but it’s got the right energy

Those Nights - Bastille

“Aren’t we all just looking for a little bit of hope these days? Looking for somebody you can wake up with?”

Being drawn to each other because of mutual loneliness is a Thing in my interpretation of their relationship, and this hits the nail on the head.

But It’s Better If You Do - Panic! At The Disco

“Praying for love and paying in naïveté”

Again, mutual loneliness and desperation for anything resembling love. Also the “isn’t this exactly where you like me” bit fits because they won’t admit to liking each other outside of their weird intimate moments.

Hurricane - Panic! At The Disco

“Drop our anchors in a storm”

The circumstances of their lives arent super fun at the moment so they find refuge in each other but in a very weird kind of unhealthy way! “We are a hurricane” sort of alludes to knowing that you’re causing problems/your relationship isn’t great.

Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier

“I’m almost me again, she’s almost you”

It’s about not really being In Love but kind of convincing yourself you are because it makes you feel better in the circumstances. I don’t think either of them were fully into their relationship for various reasons. Not as in they didn’t want the other, more that they were both too aware it would never work for long.

Hall & Oates - Satchmode

“I want to be in love again, with you”

This one’s about wanting the idea of love and companionship more than you actually like the other person, which I feel like kind of fits. This song is framed as one person in love with the other and one hesitating, but i think this works for both of them to hesitate.

Feel Something - Jaymes Young

“Touch me, someone, I’m too young to feel so numb”

The I have tried like six times and I can’t word why I think this song works. I don’t even like it, I skip it every time, but I think it’s got something to do with loneliness and desperation for love driving them to look for it in places they wouldn’t normally? Who knows. Send me an ask if u do.

Another Place - Bastille

“Don’t make promises to me that you’re gonna break”

They could never actually be together for SO many reasons and I think they’re both pretty aware of that. They have no desire to pretend that their relationship is anything other than what it is (“we only ever wanted one thing from this”).

When You Were Young - The Killers

“You sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to save you”

I do not think Hélène expected Dolokhkov to save her from anything except maybe monotony and loneliness, but this song slaps and if I can stretch the lyrics to work, I will

broken - lovelytheband

“I could be lonely with you”

Almost every song on here (including this one) is just. We’re messed up and I know we won’t really find love in each other but we might find solace for a while and be less lonely so uhhhhh wanna kiss me or what

Bleed Magic - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

“You stand up, stand up, before I drag you down”

They are NOT good for each other! Toxic relationships uwu

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood

I believe in bi4bi Hélène/Dolokhov

Enemy Fire - Bea Miller

“Sweet words from a serpent’s tongue”

This song is kinda complicated and parts of it don’t fit but the energy of “everything sucks including you but at least we can hide from the suckiness together” is sorta there. Originally I just added it for the soldier vibes because I was testing out songs but I realized i can fit some of the lyrics so on the playlist it goes

Angel of the Small Death and the Codeine Scene - Hozier

“Her sweetened breath and her tongue so mean”

They are horrible and cold to each other as a love language. This song is essentially just “Wow my evil scary gf is so hot” and you’re right Fyodor. She is.

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON

I won’t lie this one’s mostly a joke, I just think the vibes of telling someone to shut up as (maybe because) you’re falling in love with them is Dolokhov/Hélène energy. Ignore all the parts about wanting to be with her forever and her being his destiny that is not why I added it.

Lone Ranger - Rachel Platten

“I’m just gonna leave, ‘cause baby I’m a lone ranger”

I do not think Dolokhov was intending to stay with her forever at all. Very rude of him. However, she probably also knew it wouldn’t last forever, she’s not stupid.

House of Memories - Panic! At The Disco

“Promise me a place in your house of memories”

This is very much post-duel, their relationship has fizzled out but it was pretty important (do I mean emotionally or to the plot? I’ll never tell) and deserves to be remembered.

American Beauty/American Psycho - Fall Out Boy

“I’m the best worst thing that hasn’t happened to you yet”

SO MANY of these lyrics are so good for them like. Hélène’s beautiful Dolokhov’s a psycho... “you take the full truth and you pour some out” can you imagine them being open and honest with each other? Yeah, me neither. “We were pity sex” They were just sad and lonely! That was what allowed anything to happen at all in my head (not sex but bear with me it’s not my fault those are the lyrics). “All those dirty thoughts of me, they were never yours to keep” because Hélène is married to someone else, they really have no right to think of each other that way.

Sk8er Boi - Avril Lavigne

“He wasn’t good enough for her”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. Hélène’s complaints about Dolokhov staying with them are just the quoted lyric. “They had a problem with his baggy clothes” yeah Dolokhov’s not as rich and bougie and the rest of them and he’s certainly rough around the edges. And then the skater boy ending with a successful music career vs Dolokhov ending with a successful military career and a great reputation and both the women in the songs having sad endings...I’m not wrong.

Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet - Fall Out Boy

“Does your husband know the way that the sunshine gleams from your wedding band?”

The affair vibes. The AFFAIR VIBES. And the concept of “I will never end up like him [the husband]/ behind my back I already am” in reference to using Hélène and deciding he hates her right after deciding she’s hot...okay! I see you kinning Pierre, Dolokhov. You ARE being just like her husband :/

You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi

“Shot through the heart and you’re to blame”

This is just Dolokhov’s massive I Hate Women monologue condensed. Stop blaming beautiful women for YOUR attraction to them maybe 🔫

Death Valley - Fall Out Boy

“Don’t take love off the table yet”

This is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is n-

I didnt add it for that reason it was about a vibe but then. I realized. Now the original reason doesn’t even matter.

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner - Fall Out Boy

“I’ll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake”

Tell me the quoted lyric does not SCREAM Hélène/Dolokhov. You can’t. Also “I’ll weigh you down I’ll watch you choke/You look so good in blue” really captures hatred as a love language.

This is Love - Air Traffic Controller

Ok I stole this from my friends’ playlist but I did want to explain it because it’s not JUST Dolokhov and Hélène in my mind. The whole jealous fool second verse gives me Pierre around the duel energy as well

Bad Boy - Cascada

“Be my weekend lover but don’t be my friend”

Bernie Sanders voice I am once again asking you to hear me out about the unironic meme songs on my War and Peace character playlists. It’s got the refusal to admit that she actually likes hanging out with him down. The line “after some time you just pushed me aside” referring to Dolokhov teasing Pierre about their affair because he got bored. “I dont need you in my life again”...YEAH I’m fairly sure they dont interact in canon again after that.

Hayloft - Mother Mother

“My daddy’s got a gun”

This song started playing on accident once when I was listening to this playlist and I was like huh. It fits though. The gun thing is twofold: 1) Though he is not her father, Pierre does have a gun in the duel and 2) I think Vassily would happily shoot Dolokhov for his relationships with Vassily’s kids. It’s also just the general forbidden love vibes mixed with the violence vibes.

affection - BETWEEN FRIENDS

“I’m looking for affection in all the wrong places and we’ll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

Have I been clear enough about my thesis that their relationship is based in mutual loneliness? Also, I like the acknowledgment that this is in fact the wrong place. I think they’re both very aware of that.

Walk Away - Franz Ferdinand

“Yes I’m cold but not as cold as you are”

This song is for them post-duel. Especially the “I cannot stand to see those eyes as apologies may rise/I must be strong, stay an unbeliever” because 1) I hear the word eyes, I think of Dolokhov and 2) I think she’s too smart to believe any apology he would give her, she knows he doesn’t really mean it. The song kinda reads as someone trying to convince themselves they’re happy that the relationship is over, which I think is definitely what happens for both of them.

Van Horn - Saint Motel

“Tell me do you hate me? Or do you wanna date me?”

Obsessed with the dynamic of “I like you but that’s embarrassing for both of us I’m gonna act like I hate you instead”

[doctor-reid]

You and Me Chapter Five

MASTERLIST | Series Masterlist

Warnings: More Angst, fluff if you squint

A/N: I suggest that you go listen to the song when you get to that part. It was the whole inspiration for this fic and I love the song so much.

Word Count:  1.8k (longest chapter- i think)

----------

The rest of the tour went relatively smoothly. There were a few minor hiccups, but I pushed through. The sooner I was done, the sooner I could try and smooth things out with Spencer. I wish he would just return my texts, or calls, or anything. I wanted nothing more than to talk to him, to let him know how much he means to me.

I was boarding my flight back home when I called Spencer. Again, straight to voicemail.

“Hey Spence, I just wanted to let you know I am on my way home. I really need to see you. We left things in a bad place and I want to make it better. Please call me back.” I hung up the phone.

----------

I unlocked the front door and set my bags down, hoping to see him sitting on the couch. He wasn’t there. There was a note on the counter though. I picked it up, my heart already filled with guilt and dread.

Dear Y/N,

I know you have been calling me, but I can’t answer. I know you want to talk, but I don’t know what there is to talk about. I am in love with you Y/N. You are my whole world. Obviously you don’t feel the same way. If you did, you wouldn’t be afraid to show me off.

The place is yours. I already moved my stuff out and changed the name on the lease. I hope you enjoy your life and your fame. I hope you achieve all of your wildest dreams. I know you can achieve whatever you put your mind to. You are so spectacular in every way. I hope you find someone who makes you feel like I felt when I was with you.

If you find anything of mine I forgot, you can send it to JJ and she can get it to me. Her address is on the card on the counter.

Goodbye Y/N,

Spencer

The paper was tear stained. Though I didn’t know if it was from me or Spencer. Maybe it was both. All of this was my fault, why did I have to be so dense?  I grabbed the card that was sitting next to the letter and threw it in the trash can. If he left anything, he could come and get it from me himself. 

I moved onto the couch. All I could see was our memories. The random tickle attacks, our snuggly movie marathons, me laying my head in his lap while he read to me, me playing songs for him. Before I knew it, there were tears streaming down my face.

There were so many thoughts racing through my head. I only knew one way to get them out, so that’s what I did. I grabbed the guitar that was sitting there and started messing with notes and chords. I wasn’t doing anything in particular, I was just playing my emotions. Every note, every chord, was an audible description of the pain that couldn’t be put into any other form. 

I started playing an old favorite of mine, from way back before I started writing my own music. This was an ironic description of my life. The tune was ‘Teardrops on my guitar’ by Taylor Swift, but there were no words. They didn’t seem to make me feel better. Nothing was going to make me feel better.

I decided to call it a night and head to bed. The sheets still smelled like him. It was almost comforting. I missed him more than I cared to admit. The bed felt cold even though there were so many blankets and pillows. This didn’t feel like the bed I left eight months ago. Nothing felt like it did eight months ago, and I only had myself to blame.

----------

Sometimes sleep brought peace. All that sleep brought me was too many thoughts. Too many ways to apologize to Spencer. So many different ways that it could play out. None of the ideas were any good. I finally got out of bed and went to make myself a cup of coffee.

All that the kitchen brought was more memories. The nights that Spencer tried, and failed, to cook. All of the dinners at the table where we would just stare at each other, no words needed.That’s when things clicked. I finally figured out the perfect way to apologize to my dear Spencer.

I grabbed the card from the trash and looked at it. Maybe the answer to get him to talk to me was to talk to his friends. I hesitantly called the number on the card, hoping that she picked up.

“Agent Jareau here.” Her voice was soft, yet stern.

“Hi, this is Y/N, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“You know that you hurt Spencer pretty bad right?” I could tell she was fuming even though her tone remained steady.

“Yeah, I am trying to make it up to him. But I need your help to make this work.”

“I don’t think he wants to see you Y/N. He’s still pretty upset.”

“Please, give me a chance. If this doesn’t work, I will leave him alone.”

“One chance.”

I started to explain my plan to her. I wanted to make sure that everything was accounted for and that this would work. I knew that I needed Spencer in my life like I needed air. I would do anything to get him back, even if that meant doing this.

---------- (POV change)

“Hey Spence!” JJ shouted as she ran to catch up with him.

“Yeah JJ?”

“Do you wanna go do something tonight? Get your mind off of things?”

“I don’t know Jayje, I’m pretty busy.” He was lying, but maybe JJ would just leave it at that. Sadly, Morgan ruined his plan.

“No you aren’t,” Derek said, rather loudly too.

“Come on Spence, it will be fun. Derek and Penelope are going too.” JJ pleaded with him.

“Okay, fine. Where are we going?”

“There’s a new bar a few of us have been meaning to go to.” 

“Alright.” There was so much tension in Spencer’s voice. He didn’t really like bars, but it would be nice to forget his troubles, if only for a night.

----------

The bar was crowded. JJ ‘forgot’ to mention that it was open mic night. There were so many amateur artists and random people who thought they had talent. Still, it was a fun night. They were enjoying the good ones and the bad ones all the same. None of them had the courage to do that, so they had no right to make fun of those who did.

A particularly bad rendition of ‘Piano Man’ came to an end. There were some scattered claps in the bar. The emcee for the night stood up to announce the next performer.

“Okay folks, we’re in for a good one tonight. Please welcome Y/N Y/L/N to the stage.”

Spencer’s head shot up so fast, he was seeing spots. Why was she here? She didn’t normally play venues like this. She preferred a place where she couldn’t feel the eyes of the listeners on her. It made her feel less vulnerable.

---------- (POV change)

“Hi guys,” I started, “tonight I am going to play an original song. It is dedicated to the most wonderful man I have ever met. I am so sorry Spencer. Please know that.” I was looking at him, glad that this was a small enough venue that I could see him. I needed to know he was here and listening.

He tried to stand up as you spoke, but Derek and JJ held him down. They were too invested in this.

(You and Me by James TW)

I didn't mean to hurt you

So why'd I let you walk out the door?

You say that you don't know me

You don't know who I am anymore

But if you knew the truth, then

Then you wouldn't feel insecure

'Cause if I didn't have you

I wouldn't have nothing at all

I wish you could see yourself through my eyes

I always forget that you can't read my mind

As long as I got you and me

Moving through this world as a two-man team

I'll always have everything I need

You don't even realize what you mean

No one could fall for you quite like me

No one could get me so perfectly

You don't even realize 

You're all that I need

'Cause I want you and me, you and me

 I continued on with the next verses, hoping that I put the words together just right. I looked to Spencer, he had a look of admiration in his eyes. 

 The song finally came to an end and I walked off the stage to the sound of applause. This was the one time I didn’t care what anybody thought. I just wanted to go talk to Spencer. Luckily he wanted to talk to you.

 “Hey,” his voice was shaky. “Can we talk in private?”

 I just nodded and followed him outside. It was about as private as we were going to get. Before he could say anything, I started talking.

 “Spencer, I am so sorry for everything I said. I’m not ashamed of you. I was afraid. Afraid of what people would say and do. I have quite a few crazy fans. I know you can take care of yourself and I don’t know. I miss you, I know that I hurt you and I know there is no excusing my behavior, but I want to make things better. Please Spencer, let me start fixing this. I still love you, and I need to know that we did everything we can to get past this. If you still want nothing to do with me I don’t blame you, I just need to know. I can’t deal with you not saying anything about this.” He interrupted me.

 “You know you could hear my side if you actually let me talk right?” So, I shut my mouth. All I can do is hope my apology made a difference.

 “What you said hurt me Y/N. I spent a week on the couch. I barely ate. I can’t be a part of your life if you are going to keep me a secret.”

 “I won’t, we can fix this tonight. No more secrets.”

 “No more secrets.” He placed a small kiss on my cheek. “Do you want to go meet my friends?”

 “I would love to.” I grabbed his hand as he led me back inside to meet the others. This was a baby step to fixing things, but it was a step in the right direction. Maybe after this we can be more like a normal couple. Though, neither of us really fit the definition of normal.

 TAGLIST: @101donuts, @thatsonezesty13

[cycat4077]

Sheltering An Outcast

Summary: Sonny goes undercover during “Sheltered Outcasts” 17x19 Pairing: Sonny x Reader  Warnings: fluff and smoochies with a sprinkle of angst...and maybe a bit of Sonny in only a towel ;) Words: 2848 (sorry it’s a bit long...)  AO3 here

Part 6 of the Changes verse (but it can be stand-alone too). (Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5)

It’s evening and you're flaked out on your couch, an empty ice cream container sitting by the wayside, when your phone rings. "Hey Sonny, what's up?" you answer, spirits brightened by the sound of his voice. "Finally finished that difficult case you were working on?"

As you were discovering, some cases posed ridiculous hours, keeping the two of you apart with only the occasional evening together amidst the chaos. Text, calls and Skype eased the separation, but there was nothing better than physically being by his side.

"Yeah, it’s done," replies Sonny. "Thank goodness too. It was a tough one, doll." You hear a heavy sigh on his end and your heart goes out to him. "You busy?" he then asks hopefully, and when you answer in the negative, he adds, "Wanna spend the night?"

A rush of excitement spreads through you. Of course, you want to spend the night! Running around, you stuff a change of clothes into a bag and hop awkwardly, struggling to slip on your pants.

The commute over leaves time to reminisce about the nights you and Sonny actually do get to share at each other's apartments. They're sweet and intimate times. Nothing sexual, just precious moments together without any rush to go home.

Those times bring out the domestic side of Sonny too, being that he always makes sure you feel welcome. For instance, even though he blatantly detests peanut butter, you opened his cupboard one day to find a jar simply because he knows you like to eat it for breakfast.

You also love being privy to his little habits. After practically every shower, Sonny darts between the bathroom and bedroom having forgotten his clean clothes in the latter. With only a towel around his waist, he’ll tell you jokingly not to look, though you can't help sneak a peek at his bare torso still coated in a sheen of water as he runs by.

It’s all these little things that make you fall even more in love with him and excite you for a future with your Italian detective.

-x-

Arriving at Sonny’s apartment, he opens the door and you throw your arms around his neck. Enthusiastically, you pepper kisses across his nose and cheeks, purposefully leaving his lips for last.

Sonny’s smile stretches from ear to ear. Clearly, the affection you shower him with washes away any remaining stress from his latest case. "What'd I do to deserve all that lovin'?" he teases, taking your coat and closing the door.

"Hmmm…" you pretend to think on it. "Gotta be that Italian charm." Winking, you begin shimmying out of your pants, revealing pajama shorts underneath. You then glance over your shoulder and notice Sonny still standing by the door with mouth slightly agape. His baby blues are quite obviously glued to your behind. "Hey, detective!” you call out, batting your lashes and smirking. “My eyes are up here!" It’s hard not to take at least a little pleasure in flirty bouts like these since they never fail to flush Sonny’s cheeks or jumble his words.

"Y-yeah, I-I know, doll. It's just," he closes the distance towards you. "You're so beautiful." Sonny's voice seems to catch in his throat causing your heart to do the same in your chest. He reaches out to cup your face, a thumb brushing tenderly along your cheek. "I'm gonna miss this..."

Your eyebrows knit together. "What?"

Sonny shuts his eyes firmly as if he's guarding a confession and releases a breath through his nose. "I have ta go undercover for a while."

Your eyes widen. "When?!"

Your boyfriend rests his hands on your shoulders, bracing you. "Tomorrow." You pull yourself out of his grasp. "Doll, please!” he begs. “I just found out myself! There's been a few assaults around this shelter for convicted sex offenders and we need a guy on the inside."

How could he just spring this on you? A cramped space packed with ex-cons struggling to get their lives together hardly seems like the safest assignment. What if they don't believe his cover? What if they find out the truth? He could be bashed over the head and no one would give a damn! How could Sonny, a man without an ounce of evil in his body, ever pass for one of them? Sure, he could come off as a little brash sometimes, but not sex offender-levels of it! And how the hell long would he need to be there for, anyway?!

You don't realize that you asked that last part aloud until Sonny responds. "I'm not sure. It all depends on what we can find out and how fast. I hope not too long but who knows..." To say his demeanor is apologetic is an understatement. He isn't any more enthusiastic about this whole thing than you are.

"Why you?!" you protest, half frustrated, half terrified. "Because...because I need you to be careful, Sonny!" The way you say his name is more a desperate plea than an outburst of anger.

"I will! I promise! But I'm still technically the new guy, so it’s kinda on me to take the U.C. assignments no one else wants." And he's right. There's nothing he can do about it. You just have to cherish falling asleep in his arms tonight and pray he stays safe.

-x-

“What about this?” you ask poking your head out of the closet to hold up a tan and green plaid shirt. It’s definitely seen better days.

Sonny turns around from where he’s packing a duffle bag on the bed. “Yeah, that could work,” he agrees. “But where’d ya find it?”

“It was in this box back here labelled ‘Dom’,” you state, parting the dress shirts and suits hanging above your head for a second look.

“That’s dad’s stuff.” Sonny crosses the room and helps you tug the box free from the back corner. “Ma insisted I bring them along when I moved ‘because ya neva know when ya might need ‘em’,” he mocks, attempting his best impersonation of his mother. “I guess she was right.”

“Mothers usually are,” you quip before pulling out a faded pair of thick, denim jeans. “Will these fit?”

Sonny takes the pants to examine their size. “’Should,” he confirms. “They’re from the eighties or somethin’. Dad’s appetite for Ma’s cookin’ sure has made him pack on the pounds over the years…” he chuckles, stretching the waistline back and forth.

“Hey, now! Since I started eating your cooking my jeans fit tighter too!” you say jokingly as you pat your tummy in defence of the Carisi patriarch.

“Jean size doesn’t matter, doll, as long as the heart’s happy ‘n the stomach’s full.” Sonny’s blue eyes lock onto yours, delivering a sincere smile. “And my heart is the happiest it’s ever been.”

Your cheeks flush and you avert your gaze like a bashful teenager. You may not have supermodel proportions, but your heart flutters knowing that Sonny loves you all the same.

The old clothes are the perfect match for Sonny’s alias. Later, as the morning sun trickles through the New York City streets, ‘Dominick Smith’ joins you in the living room clad in an old grey hoodie and his father’s faded jeans. Things are a bit baggy but they’ll do. The two of you spend the next little while rehearsing ‘Smitty’s’ backstory, unnerved that Sonny has to be convincing as someone with such a disgusting past.

“Oh, I almost forgot the ring,” Sonny declares as he jogs to the case-info envelope on the table.

“Huh?” you question as your line of sight follows his movements.

He shakes out a gold wedding band and rejoins you. “Dominick Smith has a missus, rememba? And apparently he wants to better himself so he can go back home to her.”

“Oh, yeah,” you say foolishly, eyes glued to his finger while he delicately slips on the ring. You know it’s stupid, but for a moment your hopes were high and your heart pounded at the inside of your chest. You can’t help but wish the ring was real; that it would symbolize that he is yours forever.

Sonny’s eyes dart between yours and where they’re fixated on his hand. “You okay?” he asks quietly which brings you back to reality.

“Y-yeah,” you manage, forcing a smile.

He then reaches into his pocket and produces a key. “I hope you don’t mind me askin’, but since I dunno how long I’ll be gone for, would ya mind checkin’ in on my place every now and again? Y’know, just ta make sure that no one’s broken in or whateva.”

“Of course, babe,” you reply, accepting the key. But your clouded mind gets the better of you and your eyes widen when you realize your words.

“Babe?” he questions, a mischievous smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“I-uh…” You’ve never called him anything other than ‘Sonny’ since the two of you started dating and you’re just not sure if he’s comfortable with anything different.

However, before you have a chance to articulate an excuse, your Italian detective leans his forehead against yours and sneaks in a swift kiss. “I could get used ta you callin’ me that,” he grins. And you can’t help but giggle. This sweet man keeps giving you more reasons to love him.

With spirits lifted, you stand back and place a hand on your hip before drawing a finger up to your lips to study his appearance.

“What?” Sonny questions, scanning himself over self-consciously.

“Something’s not quite right…” You take a couple steps forward and tangle your fingers in his hair. It’s soft and uncharacteristically floppy without any gel. You continue to muss it up, carding through it and enjoying the texture.

“You done?” he asks, pursing his lips, unamused.

“Almost,” you utter as you poke your tongue out of the corner of your mouth. “There!” You step back to admire your handiwork.

Sonny leans over to glance in the wall mirror. A horrified expression overtakes his features. “What did ya do?!” he exclaims.

You throw your head back and laugh. “I made you look the part a little more, silly!” His dark locks now stick up in multiple directions.

Sonny narrows his eyes and gives you a hard look. However, the slightest of smiles plays at the corner of his mouth and you know he secretly enjoyed it.

Then Sonny’s watch lights up, giving off a beep which catches both your attentions. You know what it means and so does he. It’s time.

Tears begin to rim your eyes. “Please be careful,” you speak in a shaky voice. You wish you could protect him and keep him safe throughout this whole ordeal.

“I will be,” he reassures. “This will all be over soon.” Sonny steps towards you and gathers you in his arms. The two of you lock into an embrace and you feel a squeeze that’s filled with desperation. It’s then that you understand just how nervous Sonny actually is about all this. You hug him a little tighter, both clinging to one another like a life source.

“I love you,” he says lingering his touch along your arms.

“I love you, too.” You lean up and kiss him before burying your face in his chest for one last embrace.

-x-

“On my way home now to shower and change before I have to head back. So, I have a few minutes if you're free." Is what his text reads.

You don't think you've ever made it to Sonny's apartment in such record time. After five days of no contact and being consumed by a worry that made you feel like throw up 24/7, his return lifts a giant weight off your shoulders.

You eagerly knock on the door and a disheveled looking man in the same old grey hoodie and faded blue jeans opens it. His hair is greasy and he looks a little pale, though you suppose nearly a week of cruddy food and shoddy sleep will do that to a person. None of that matters, however, because a large smile of relief spreads across your face from knowing he’s safe and naturally, your first instinct is to jump into his arms.

But this time Sonny stops you. "Don't, doll. I stink,” he scrunches his nose in disgust.

A laugh bubbles free from your chest. "Okay, babe!"

"Lemme go shower 'n brush my teeth, then ya can kiss me," winks Sonny as he welcomes you into his apartment. It seems this undercover gig hasn't completely broken his spirit.

"Hurry up then, stinky!" you chide, hopping onto his couch impatiently.

Sonny runs off in the direction of the bathroom and in no time, you hear the whoosh from the faucet and spray of the shower.

A few minutes later, the water shuts off and a familiar darn it! resonates from within. You smile to yourself knowing exactly the cause and perch over the sofa arm to watch the show.

As predicted, the door opens and a billow of steam releases into the hall. The patter of wet feet follow as Sonny comes scurrying out, darting into the bedroom for clothes. You're about to unleash a cheeky catcall when you notice a large purplish splotch resting above the white towel tied around Sonny's waist. You immediately jump up to intercept him before he can duck back into the bathroom. "What the hell is that?" you demand, tone no longer light and flirty.

"What?" he questions, perplexed.

"That!" you point to his discoloured side.

He contorts to glance in the direction of your finger. "Oh."

You continue to stare him down when he fails to provide an explanation.

"It's nothing, doll," he lies, clutching his clothes to his chest. But your disapproving eyes forces him to confess. "Okay...I got jumped. It wasn't by the guys in the shelter though! It was outside 'n they were targetin' everyone they thought could be a suspect in the most recent assault."

They?! You're suddenly overwhelmed by his close encounter. "Oh my God, Sonny! Are you all right?!" He could have come out of this a whole lot worse.

"Yeah, I'm okay. It'll heal. Actually, it was one of the guys from the shelter who came to my rescue. Who knew..." Sonny's voice trails off as his mind drifts.

But all you care about is Sonny. Focusing on the bruise, you hesitantly reach out and give it a light touch. His skin is warm and damp, yet turns to goosebumps under your fingertips.

Sonny gazes down at you silently and you shift your eyes to meet his. It's only been five days but it feels like a lifetime since you've seen his handsome face. The gentle curve of his lips. The blueness of his eyes. Suddenly he feels so close. Nothing but a towel separates you. Your heart rate picks up as every inch of you aches for the man you love.

"I gotta go get ready.” The tension snaps with Sonny’s soft grin and breathy voice.

"I know," you say reluctantly. "I missed you."

"Missed you too, doll." His left hand finds the back of your neck, cradling your head as he leans down with closed eyes to place a kiss to your lips. Maybe it's the steam from the shower, but it's the type of kiss that makes your insides melt. Then Sonny parts and slips back into the bathroom.

Lightheaded, you make your way back to the couch and sit down. Twenty minutes later the door opens again and the Sonny Carisi you're most familiar with steps out. A three-piece suit and crisp tie. Slicked back hair and smooth cheeks. Though he looks perfect to you, Sonny is still fretting over his hair, combing it back at the temples to work in the last of the gel.

"How do I look?" he inquires, holding his arms out to the sides.

"Handsome as ever!" you give a cheerful smile.

Sonny grins. "Sorry I have ta run, but I need ta get back to the precinct. We've got a major lead in the case."

"All good," you wave dismissively. "I'm just glad you're all right and that I got a chance to see you."

Sonny echoes your sentiments while scurrying around to gather his things. You get up once he starts heading for the door. "I dunno when I'm gonna be back t’night," he frowns. "I'd love ya to stick around but don't wanna keep ya waitin'."

"No worries. Besides, you're gonna need a good night's sleep after almost a week in that place." You smile up at Sonny lovingly and take the apartment key out of your pocket. "Here."

"Nuh-no! That's your copy now, doll." He folds your fingers towards your palm, enclosing the key within.

"Really?" You're ready to burst with joy.

"Really," he confirms with a kiss.

"Well in that case," you smile against his lips, "maybe I'll sneak back in here tonight and we can indulge in some mediocre takeout and bad tv."

"Ya read my mind, doll,” he beams. “Ya read my mind."

Notes: Hope you enjoyed this one! It was originally just going to be angsty but I tried to liven it up a bit with some flirty stuff.

Also, here’s a bit of a preview of what’s next. Let’s just say that there’s trouble in paradise... (Full version up now!)

"Doesn't matter. I want to be with you -" "No." Sonny cuts you off firmly. It's the first time he's raised his voice to you in any way. It shakes you to your core, leaving a horribly sour feeling in the pit of your stomach. You try to dismiss it because you know he's tired and scared but the tears still fall when Sonny hangs up the phone.

[vera-simik]

Wanted: The Witcher. Status: Urgent

Ok. I did it. I finally translated it all. So there it is - my super weird multi-crossover crack-fic, because honestly? Almost everything I ever wrote is more or less crack-fic 😅

Proceed on your own risk  😅

(early morning)

(OK, fine, let’s be honest – NOT so early)

(Vědmi and Erik are sitting in the kitchen, both have a mug of a hot beverage in front of them; Vědmi is also messing around with a small pile of papers)

(Andy comes in)

Andy: “I bid you good morning.”

Erik: (waves sort of disinterestedly) “Mornin��.”

Vědmi: (mumbles something, doesn’t glance up from her work)

Andy: “Judging by her expression, Geralt hasn’t shown up yet.”

Erik: “What a pity you didn’t place a bet. You’d win.”

Andy: “Ah… So, she’s creating WHAT exactly?”

Erik: “Do you remember when she said that if the witcher wouldn’t show up in two days, she’d have to act?”

Andy: “… yes?”

Erik: “She started to create wanted posters.”

Vědmi: “Alright, you two. (puts papers aside) You can stop talking about me as if I weren’t here, and tell me instead – how does this sound? (clears her throat) Have you seen this witcher? Responds to the name Geralt of Rivia. If you find him, be so kind and punch him in the face. (looks at her companions) So? What do you think?”

(both men remain silent)

Erik: “Well…”

Andy: “Perhaps I would word it in less emotive w-“

(suddenly, a portal opens in the kitchen, and Geralt stumbles out of it, slightly green in the face)

Vědmi: (with a mischievous grin on her face) “Aaa, look who FINALLY decided to join us! And as I see, unspeakably wasted!”

Geralt: (mutters) “Be so kind and stop screeching. You’re worse than an echidna, and I, moreover, have a feeling like I could even hear the colours.”

Vědmi: “And why are you acting so surprised, with such a hangover? Shame on you! What am I supposed to tell your wife when she comes here and sees you like this?”

Geralt: (takes a seat at the table) (in puzzlement) “Why would Yen come here? Are you two planning on doing something here or what?”

Vědmi: (facepalm) “And he’s asking! You said yourself that your anniversary is approaching, and then you asked me if I could do you a favor and write it down to the calendar in case you’d forget! You wanted to take her out tonight, and you were pretty damn secretive about it. That’s why we wanted to launch a hunt for you! (points at the pile of wanted posters)”

Geralt: (looks a bit uncertain) “Tonight? Are you sure? How long was I gone?”

Erik: “Longer than you think, mon ami. Did Regis make a new brew of his mandrake moonshine again?”

Andy: „Whatever it was, I suppose it was quite impressive. A witcher with a mild alcohol poisoning… I don’t think it’s something you can see every day.“

Geralt: (waves hand in a dismissive manner) „Eh… it’s not… I don’t wanna talk about it, it’s not very int-“

Vědmi: „Oh no, no, no, keep talking, we’re all ears.“

Geralt: „Ugh, as you wish. Dandelion had the – you know – bachelor party, and – I admit – maybe, just MAYBE it took a bit longer than we planned, and…“

(everyone’s silent for a moment)

Erik: „P-perhaps I did not understand correctly? WHAT happened to Dandelion?“

Vědmi: (shrieks out) „The oaf’s gonna get married?!“

Geralt: (slightly tormented expression) „I begged you to stop screeching…“

Vědmi: (ignoring witcher’s headache) „So he really wants to get hitched… That’s impossible…“

Andy: „And who’s the poor unfortunate soul he talked into it?“

Vědmi: „Crystal clear it’s Priscilla. Am I right? (pokes Geralt) Don’t sleep, and tell him I’m right!“

Geralt: „Does it look to you like anyone could fall asleep here when SOMEONE’s still shouting? (to Andy) And of course, it’s Priscilla. Or did you think he managed to smooth Annarietta’s ruffled feathers?“

Erik: (laughs in his sleeve) „Or worse – Vespula’s?“

Vědmi: “My, my! Someone’s very well versed in latest gossips, am I right, monsieur le phantôm?”

Erik: “Oh please. I know the details just because this shrew and my María know each other. As for me, I could live even without this knowledge.”

Andy: “María indeed knows almost everyone. No offense, of course.”

Geralt: “Could we PLEASE get back to much more serious matter than why and from where do whose partners know each other? Mine will skin me alive when she sees me in this state! (more or less to himself) Damn, Vesemir was right once again, when he said we shouldn’t drink so much because we would regret it later. But is it my fault Zoltan fetched that archival Mahakam spirit immediately after that?”

Vědmi: “Can’t you just, I don’t know, brew yourself the Wives’ Tears of something like that?”

Geralt: “Look… the fact I’m sitting here, talking to you in a way that somehow makes sense, doesn’t mean a thing. I haven’t felt this sick as long as I can remember. And I’m not entirely sure what will happen the moment I’ll try to get up. I’d throw up into the pot before I could even try to brew something in it, most likely.”

Erik: (to Vědmi) “I’d LOVE to know how the rest of the participants ended up.”

Andy: (gets up) “I can’t stand by any longer, Geralt. Come on, I think I have something that would help you down in the laboratory.” (leaves the room)

(Geralt slowly and carefully follows him, Vědmi and Erik remain in the kitchen)

(they’re sitting in silence for a while)

Erik: “Don’t look at me like that. We should have figured out sooner that Dandelion and Zoltan were involved in this.”

Vědmi: “Meh, I don’t give a hoot about who wrecked him like this. He could be drinking with every single one of those dum-dums of the Wild Hunt for all I care, he’s an adult, and as such, he should know that excessive drinking equals headache. I agree with Vesemir almost every time, and I don’t intend to make any exceptions this time. Don’t drink, don’t regret it afterward. But that’s not what’s on my mind.”

Erik: “Then what… Wait, let me guess. Is it because you had an itch for Dandelion?”

Vědmi: (deadly serious) “Tell me this was just a weak attempt to make a remarkably stupid joke because otherwise, I’m giving you a ten-second head start. Drogo helped me retrieve all of the knives which fell behind the stove about a week ago.”

Erik: (raises hands in a defensive gesture) “Keep calm. As you say, it’s just a stupid joke. But it HAS something to do with the bard, non?”

Vědmi: “I’m mostly nice to that fool, in bounds of possibility, and I haven’t told him he’s a nitwit and a skirt chaser to his face for more than a year! For fun nor seriously! And he doesn’t even send me an invitation!”

Erik: “So, is this the only thing that’s troubling you?”

Vědmi: “Tsk. ‘The only thing,’ he says. Hm…  Do you think it could be due to that one time three years ago when we stole his lute, and then we sent it back to him one string at a time?”

Erik: “To our – and your especially – defence, I need to add that he was flirting with you in a very indiscreet way. And this was quite adequate retribution. I think he didn’t invite you more likely because he remembers very well when we tied him up with those strings for a similar offence, and that Nuada and NoName sang an intentionally off-key version of Dornishman’s Wife to torture him a bit more. I can’t help it, but I think you didn’t even try to stop them.”

Vědmi: (considers it) “Maybe you’re right… Oh! Or is it because of that other time when I dashed the leftovers of the disgusting old soup at him because he was serenading me underneath the window?”

Erik: “When I’m thinking of it now… We’re giving him fairly hard time, aren’t we?”

Vědmi: (theatrically) “Living amongst the group of fictional villains is corrupting me!”

Erik: “I see myself more like an antihero, and I could argue over this too. And don’t make yourself look like a victim, because you’re not innocent either. Should I remind to you some of these ideas came from your head?”

Vědmi: “Ha! Such an insult! If Andy were here, he’d stand up for me for sure!”

Erik: “But Anderien is out of question. To tell the truth, I’m not entirely sure he could…”

Vědmi: (with a bit of “Creator’s Sense of Guilt” in her voice) “Mind what you’re saying, you could be in for a nasty surprise. He had certain moments in life where you wouldn’t want to get into his ha-“

(once again, another portal opens in the kitchen)

Vědmi: (bangs the table with her fist) “Oh come on now! What kind of manners is this, turning my kitchen into interchange…”

(out of the portal comes Yennefer; it doesn’t look like she’s in a good mood)

Vědmi: “… station. Mornin’?”

Erik: “Eeh… bonjour, madame Yennefer?”

Yennefer: “Where is he?!”

Vědmi: (immediately turns the posters blank side up and quickly tries to gloss over Geralt’s absence) “Honestly? We weren’t expecting you to come here so soon! I thought you were meant to arrive in the evening! And I’d take a guess Gery didn’t expect you so soon either… He went to… went to…”

Yennefer: “Well?!”

Erik: “To take a shower.”

Vědmi: “To get the flowers. (looks at Erik) (kind of desperately) Wait for a second, he said he’s going to take a shower right after the afternoon coffee!”

Erik: “You wait! He wanted to get the flowers when he’s done showering!”

Vědmi: “Uh-oh…”

Yennefer: “If only you weren’t driveling… I know very well what he’s been doing. When it comes to that half-witted bard, what else could they be up to? Invoking the djinn?!”

Vědmi: (snickers) “Yeah, gin was probably involved too.” (discreetly puts the pile of posters out of sorceress’ sight)

Yennefer: “What do you have here?”

Vědmi: “Eee… nothing. I was drawing… a bit…”

Yennefer: (takes a seat) “He was supposed to let me know after he’d left that party. Don’t look at me like this. After the pogrom in Rivia, I tend to worry about Geralt a lot more.”

Erik: “Our dear witcher didn’t think this through, I agree completely. But why didn’t you go to look for him – let’s say – at Kaer Morhen?”

Yennefer: “Do you suppose I didn’t already go there? At the first go! Wait, no. At the second go, actually. At first, I went to look for him at that Dandelion’s tavern in Novigrad. I almost caused Zoltan a heart attack. Nevertheless, they told me Geralt already left and sent me right to Kaer Morhen.”

Vědmi: “Now this is picking up speed. Do you want some coffee? Why am I asking, you do for sure. Black with milk, am I right?”

Yennefer: (curtly nods and continues) “When I saw how Eskel and Lambert came out of this event, I knew it wouldn’t be realistic to expect Geralt would be better off no matter how. There are only three places he tends to spend a lot of time at, and since your house is the last one I didn’t already check out, it would be a huge coincidence if he didn't come back here, either. (sighs) I’m going to lose my mind because of him one day.”

Erik: “I think you're a bit too severe on him.”

Vědmi: “Yeah, that poor fellow doesn’t really deserve this… today. I don’t want to defend him, he sure has a lot of imperfections, but I’m ready to vouch for him right now.”

Erik: “He probably just forgot to let you know, it happens even to the best of us… ehm…”

Vědmi: (pokes the phantom to the ribs) (under her voice) “Don’t overdo it, I bet there’s a lot of things you don’t want María to find out…”

Erik: (ignores Vědmi) “She’s babbling again, it happens a lot, don’t listen to her, it’s not worth it. But what did I want to say before she interrupted me? Ah, oui. Geralt forgot to let you know. And as I mentioned, it happens. See, a lot going on – I mean, there’s this anniversary of yours, his best friend is going to get married… And I admit, he did drink, indeed.  But only a bit, and then he got back here quite early.”

Vědmi: (latches on Erik’s improvisation) “Masked weirdo over here’s right. You have not only one, but three witnesses of Geralt’s arrival!”

Yennefer: (slightly ironically) “It's not like I didn't believe what you two are saying, but where do you have the third one?”

Erik: “It’s Anderien Ettreasil, you must have heard of him.”

Yennefer: “That half-elven alchemist? Well, I sometimes do trade with him. Sure, he’s quite trustworthy, but..”

Vědmi: “Exactly! Right now, he and Gery are doing something down in the lab. (ostentatiously pretends to be offended) And they didn’t even let ME to join them! It’s gotta be some sort of surprise, believe me!"

(sound of the opened door can be heard; in a moment, Andy and Geralt are coming in the kitchen) (Geralt’s in a significantly better and more sober state than he was in after he got out of the portal)

Vědmi: “Great! And now there are all of us this situation applies to!”

Geralt: (expectably surprised) “Yen! What are you doing here? We weren’t expecting you to come here so soon…”

Erik: (gives Vědmi a wink) “Where did I hear this today?”

Yennefer: (stands up from the table, folds her arms) (surprisingly calmly) “Geralt of Rivia.”

Vědmi: (to Erik and Andy) (half seriously) “Uh-oh, she called him by his full name! All hell’s going to break loose!”

Yennefer: “I always thought you’re a self-dependent grown man. And that you know what does it mean when we agree on something.”

Geralt: (you can tell from his look that he wishes to be somewhere else)

Andy: “Well… I’d better be going, I’m not sure if I put the burner out…” (prepares to beat a retreat in a very diplomatic way)

Erik: “No, no, stay here. This is going to get interesting.”

Yennefer: (ignores all of the distractions and continues) “After all, I even believed you could even be responsible. And meanwhile, you're even worse than our daughter. She at least lets me know whenever she gets held up somewhere and knows when she's getting back home.”

Geralt: “But Yen…”

Yennefer: “Do I look like I finished speaking?! This one’s for disappearing and not letting me know about your whereabouts, leaving me worried sick!” (slaps Geralt)

(Geralt, because he knows he “earned” it, handles the slap with at least some dignity)

(two thirds of the onlookers, on the other hand, react greatly exaggerated)

Vědmi: (overacts covering her eyes) “Holy shiP!”

Erik: (with extremely false concern in his voice) “Oww, this might HURT!”

Yennefer: “And this one…”

(everyone’s getting for the worst – Vědmi even above her usual “fondness” towards other people’s misfortune)

Yennefer: (no one’s expecting her kissing Geralt on the same cheek where she slapped him before) “… is for your effort after all these years we’re together. I’m glad you didn’t forget our anniversary, and I greatly appreciate it. However (critically examines her dearest from tip to toe) that vomit stain on your shirt kind of ruins this moment.”

Andy: (to Geralt) “I was preparing to let you know.”

Yennefer: “It doesn’t matter right now. But I’m hoping you’ll smarten up until the evening. If not, Triss still owes me a bottle of wine, so I have an alternative program. (opens a new portal) See you later, Geralt. (steps into the portal and disappears)

(nothing much happens for a while)

Geralt: “Alright, I admit it, I tend to make mistakes. You can stop laughing, Vědmi.”

Vědmi: (wipes off tears from the previous fit of laughing) “Sorry. I… pfffhehe… I’m okay, yeah…”

Geralt: “So… first I’ll go to throw this (takes off the filthy shirt) into the laundry basket, and then…”

Erik: “Watch that fanservice, you’re going to kill our landlady.”

Vědmi: (blushes) “Tssk!”

Geralt: (chuckles and leaves the room with the shirt thrown over his shoulder)

(the not-so-early morning quickly regains its previous calmness; lonely trio goes back to their not-so-hot-anymore beverages)

(ANOTHER portal opens, and random young Nilfgaardian soldier falls out of it)

Vědmi: (swiftly stands up) “Oh, come on! Are you fookin’ kiddin’?!”

Random Nilfgaardian soldier: (glances around) “T-this isn’t Wyzima…?”

Erik: (sarcastically) “No way! How did you notice?”

RNS: (at the beginning of a panic attack) “By the Great Sun, this can’t be happening! What am I going to do now?! I don’t even know how and why that portal opened up right in front of me! General Voorhis is going to kill me once I got back! I…”

Andy: “Calm down, boy. I suppose we know general Voorhis. He’s about this tall, kinda ginger, likes horses…?”

Erik: “Oh wait, isn’t it the same ginger Nilfgaardian who tried to hit on our Vědmi?”

Andy: “But of course he is! (to RNS) Don’t worry, young friend, Vědmi will help you with your trouble. She and general Voorhis know each other VERY WELL! (unsuccessfully tries to hide a grin; Erik already gave up trying)”

Vědmi: (annoyed) “Cut it out, you two! I agreed to go out with him once for a glass of wine in Novigrad. ONCE! And you’re immediately making a mountain out of a molehill! And I wish I didn’t go there. He looked like he’s hoping we could repeat it some other time…”

Erik: (mockingly) “Exactly.”

RNS: (observes the conversation considerably confused)

Vědmi: (dramatically) “OK! Fine! I’ll do it! I’ll put myself out for greater good and explain it wasn’t a desertion nor treason! But the moment he starts to hit on me again, I’ll bite your heads off! (to RNS) And you – sit down for a moment, I still need to make myself look like at least half decent human being, and it’s going to take a while. Do you want some coffee?”

  THE END

[samwrights]

Growing Pains - Punk!AU [Makki]

Here is the last of the “first chapters” for each route. Each chapter is released in the order of the setlist which I will leave a link to down below. If you haven’t read the prologue, you can click right here to read Elixir. A link will also be provided at the end of the chapter. Artwork is not mine so if we find the artist, can someone let know so that I can properly credit them?

Lyrics that are italicized are sang by you and lyrics that are bold are sang by Makki.

WARNINGS: language, cheating, consumption of alcohol, use of nicotine and marijuana.

Word count: ~4.5k

Song(s) used: Growing Pains as well as one stanza of In Bloom by Neck Deep.

A complementary playlist can be found  »  here

I would give my left arm for Makki. I’m left-handed.

“Can we run Growing Pains again? I wanna try something different.” You ask hesitantly, looking at Hanamaki with a quirked brow. As the writer of the song, as well as a couple others, Makki made it a point to sing the songs he wrote. At first, you took offense to it, thinking that he didn’t have faith in your skills. Even to this day, he never did tell you why he preferred it as such, but he swore up and down that it had nothing to do to you.

“Oh yeah?” The tone of his voice isn’t suspicious, but almost full of wonder. Or as close as he could get to it with his lackluster drawl. “Watcha thinking?”

“Do you trust me enough to at least take more than twenty three fucking words in this whole damn song?” Makki gives a roll of his eyes before swatting at your head, goading you to just get on with it. “Just back for me until the second verse? After that, it’s all yours.” His left eyebrow, donning two, black hoops, shoots up in confusion but nevertheless, he shrugs its off. Of course he trusts you.

“Alright, Growing Pains it is,” Kuroo looks over to Terushima to make sure he’s ready to move before tossing a lazy, knowing grin to the bassist just to rile him up a tad. “Stupid name, by the way.”

“Oi, shut it, discount rooster.” Before the banter can continue, Kuroo starts with the opening shrill riff before the boys join in. Makki’s eyes are focused on you solely, watching to make sure you’re keeping time, giving you little tells to keep you on track with the pace by backing the tail end of every line. The way the bassist’s beady eyes lock onto yours is enough to make you lose focus for a moment, your mouth running the slightest bit too dry, causing your voice to waver slightly. Makki catches it, no matter how well you try to hide, his lips turning upward at the corners in a smirk. In an attempt to recover, your tongue just barely peaks out of the counter of your mouth before you swallow air back into your lungs.

I’ve got skeletons I hide In the back of my mind where I question myself I dwell on the past just like everyone else

It’s a challenge, trying to focus on the task at hand. You knew the words and the tempo, your surroundings and who is present in the room. Yet the only thing you can focus on is how Makki is looking at you with this glassy, stone grey eyes. Despite the bruising bags around them, thanks to the lack of sleep he’d been suffering lately thanks to his job, Hanamaki was truly a pretty man.

It takes everything in the fibers of your muscles to try to not read into his expression so as to fuel even more fantasies that maybe, just maybe, this isn’t unrequited love. But it’s a challenge considering he’s staring so intently as if he’s trying to tell you something through a telepathic link that’s been long severed. Quickly, you push down the thoughts again as the two of you round the chorus, layering over each other’s voice for a subtle drop of depth, worried that your mind will start to warp and you’ll delude yourself into thinking he’s singing directly to you.

When I’m away and you can’t sleep Just know that it’s the same for me.

What a ridiculous notion, you think, as Makki takes over the primary vocals and you switch to backing. And while you would never tell him this, you intentionally had Hanamaki take control back over the verse that you knew was written for his girlfriend. It wasn’t a challenge to figure out, considering he had included a sort of time stamp in the verse. But maybe, just maybe, as you harmonize the bridge, you can trick yourself for a moment that the one of the first ever romance-esque songs he’s ever written is about the woman to his right as opposed to the woman on the couch.

They don’t know what he share in the briefest of moments I’m head over heels for the smallest components

With Makki in control, your mind wanders again, along with your eyes as they finally pulled away from gloomy, glittering glaze. There’s a mix of emotions displayed on his girlfriend’s face—both pleasant and nonplussed at the same time—but you’re having difficulty pinpointing exactly what the expression is. Confusion passes at one point, as if she had never heard the song before and it was making her the slightest bit uncomfortable. All you can assume is that this is her first time actually hearing his words, despite having attended every practice since they first started dating back in December nearly a year ago. Her muddled expression clears a little, as if she was slowly letting go of silent resentment line by line, but her face fades out of your line of vision as your attention is brought back to Makki. You had a job to do and, unfortunately, the job doesn’t include staring at your best friend’s girlfriend, trying to psychoanalyze the emotions she’s experiencing.

Since we’ve meet it seems like we’ve crossed paths at the right time.

Instead, you avert your eyes to look back at your bassist, mimicking what he had done earlier by parroting the last word of every line to add some form of layering. You’re keeping up the with pace, or at least you think you are. Truly, you can’t tell because the only thing you’re focused are the beautiful, shale stones he has for eyes boring into your own like molten lava and the way his pearly whites that peek from behind his thin, pale lips in a subtle smile. It’s intense and bright, two traits that typically are not associated with the bassist at all. But you’re all too familiar to this look when it comes to Takahiro, regardless of how rare the momentous occasion.

The first time you saw it was when you announced to the boys that were you going to stay behind for two years to work and save money so that the four of you could attend university together. It was a distinct memory for you, as he was the first person you told about your plan. At the time, the two of you were laying together on the floor of your room back in your parent’s house—the only trouble plaguing you was the dichotomy of wanting climb the corporate ladder and wanting to chase your freedom and happiness with the boy to your left.

The only other time it showed was when the two of you went for a blunt cruise, something that had become a thing of the past, listening to songs that featured both a male and female vocalist that way the two of you didn’t even have to spare a second thought to harmonize, and he’d smoked just a little bit too much. Enough that you didn’t feel safe having him drive home for the night and he would crash at your parent’s house or your apartment, depending on the time frame. Sometimes you’d share a bed, trying to ignore the fact that the love of your life was inches away from you. Trying to ignore the fact that he always wound his arms right around you like you’d disappear into thin air if he let go. Sometimes, you’d end up sleeping on your couch for the evening, solely based on the fact that Makki’s head was resting in your lap and he was KO’d.

As Growing Pains comes to an end, you realize what a stupid decision it was for you to choose that song to re-rehearse. Sure, you’d had made small adjustments to it so that you were a bit more preoccupied in the beginning, but that did little for you to stop your mind from wandering. Hell, by the last chorus, when your mind had began to float into the metaphorical clouds, you had given up on looking at Makki and his stupid perfect lips serenading his girlfriend, and just laid on the floor between your friends. It was quite peaceful, actually, allowing the vibrations of all the amplifiers quaking your bones, lulling you in and out of your daydreams. “Sound better that time, princess?” Kuroo jokes, staring directly over you, allowing droplets of sweat to roll off of him onto you.

The way your guitarist looked at you was all knowing, his hazel eyes silently telling you he knew your truth—that you just wanted to hear Hanamaki sing a song that he wrote for a woman, whether it was about you or not. Rather than commenting on that, you spluttered obnoxiously as his sweat dropped over you, pretending to be disgusted though you didn’t actually care. “Gross, Tetsu!” You jeered, scrambling to your feet and pulling the bottom of your tee to wipe off both yours and now Kuroo’s sweat. It’s all jokes and theatrics, as always.

“Pfft, you’re so dramatic, [name].” The guitarist chided.

“Word, I’ll drink to that,” adds Makki, grabbing his beer can off his amp and stepping behind you to clink cans together with Kuroo.

“Ya know, I could just skip the entire song and let Makki do the whole thing. It wouldn’t sound any different.” It’s a light hearted dig at most and very typical of you. However, a glower pulls over the bassist’s expression, his gaze turning hard, but you keep going. “Maybe I’ll go run around in the crowd or something.”

“Yeah, it’s not like we need you to anything.” He didn’t mean it the way it sounded, you knew that he didn’t—there were very few things in his life that Takahiro Hanamaki was serious about and in the ten plus years you’d know him, genuinely rude comments to you was not one of them. But something was off, not that you could determine what—maybe his tone or how quickly he said it? Like he had wanted to say it for some time and he had just taken the opportunity and ran with it. Regardless of the reason, it stung.

Even more so when you were reminded that it was not just the four of you in the room as the girls sitting on the couch not ten feet from you laughed wholeheartedly at your expense. Rather than quipping back, you sucked on your teeth while bobbing and nodding your head. “Okay,” you started off slowly, searching for the words to say. “Okay, uh, fuck you, first of all.” You bit out sourly, all humor gone from your face. Before you can stop yourself, you hook your microphone back on it’s stand and quickly check your pockets to ensure your pack of smokes and lighter were still there. “Second off, I’m gonna go smoke. Feel free to carry on with practice since you don’t need me.”

“Hey, get back here!” Makki calls out with a hint of urgency, but it’s too late. You’re already over halfway up the stairs and you’re not turning back around until there’s chemicals and tar coating your lungs. Alone in the backyard, you make your way to the dead firepit, sitting once again on the dividing brick wall, the flame from your lighter making a crinkling noise as it lit the dried leaves.

What the fuck was that? Maybe a dose of reality, you figure. Maybe this was the nature of your guys’ relationship now. It made you angry. However, you couldn’t entirely blame everything on Makki, even if you wanted to. As much as you wanted to. But it wasn’t his fault you were such a coward and couldn’t tell him that you’d been pining over him pathetically for nearly ten years. It wasn’t his fault that, eventually, he was going to want companionship that you just couldn’t quite offer. It wasn’t his fault that he just didn’t see you that way.

Meanwhile, the boys remain inside, dumbfounded that you had just all but bolted out. “Goddammit, I hate how sensitive she is sometimes.” Kuroo rakes his inked fingers through his already messy mop, contemplating over whether or not he should go try to console you because he knows. He knows why you’re upset and he knows just how in love you are with Hanamaki and he knows that having the girls in such close proximity always bothered you and their presence certainly wasn’t helping your situation. Being the friend that he is, Kuroo makes the decision to start clearing house, looking back knowingly at his drummer while shifting his eyes towards the three women on the couch. With a nod, the two of them make their way over, telling the girls that they need to have a private band meeting and that it was probably best they left.

Hanamaki is upset, far too upset to say anything to his girlfriend who is now being gently ushered out of Terushima’s home. The only thought that’s going through his head is what the fuck?

You’d been so goddamn testy lately, he can hardly joke with you any more without you getting your feelings hurt. As much as he wants to be upset over the fact that you just stormed out in the middle of practice, he’s more concerned than anything else. Typically, you hardly crumbled or cracked from being teased or goaded, you were used to it, enjoyed it even. It was the foundation of this band for fuck’s sake! But he also knew that you only succumbed to pressure when it’s been building for long periods of time, similar to a volcano on the brink of eruption or the way pressure makes coal turn to diamonds. Makki likes the diamond analogy better, he decides. Diamonds were much prettier.

The bassist hears heavy thudding pounding down the stairs to reveal two of the three missing band members, Terushima and Kuroo harboring tight-lipped grimaces. Every cell in the skin of their face reeked with knowing. “Alright, spill.” Makki deadpans.

“What are you talking about, man?” Despite the question, Terushima sits a few steps from the bottom of the staircase, resting his elbows on his knees and he fidgets with his hands. He’s anxious.

“You two know something that you aren’t telling me.”

“Sorry, Makki. It’s not our place to tell.” Kuroo says firmly, folding his fully inked arms over his chest. Everyone held protective qualities over you, especially after a certain incident in college that was never to be mentioned again, and Makki was no different. However, he comes to the realization that they’re protecting you right now and he’s not and it sets him off.

“Just fucking tell me, dude.”

“We can’t.” Terushima presses.

“The fuck you mean, ‘you can’t’, [name] just threw a fucking temper tantrum—“ the creaking of the stairs in front of him stops Makki in his rant, his eyes locking with yours. He sees the rush of defeat wash over you and the way your shoulders slump and he knows that he never should have opened his mouth.

“Go fuck yourself, Takahiro Hanamaki.”

“Wait, [name], that’s not what I meant!” But Makki is calling out to nobody but the shutting of Terushima’s front door closing for the second time in just a matter of moments. “Shit.” The strawberry-brunette hisses, winding his thin, ring clad fingers in his hair out of frustration. What the fuck was going on? It’s quiet in the basement, each remaining member of Elixir wrapped up in their own thoughts before Makki let’s out a sigh, piquing the interest of the other two. “Guess this is good a time as any, but could you guys do me a solid?”

You weren’t sure what upset you more: the fact that Takahiro called you out on having a temper tantrum or the fact that you actually did have one? How embarrassing to be twenty-seven years old, throwing a fit because your muse made a fucking joke. Pathetic. Now you were left in your empty apartment, looking over old lyric sheets in a futile attempt to get some form of rehearsal in, considering you walked out. You’d need to apologize to Teru and Kuroo at some point tonight, but at the moment, the only thing you felt like doing was sitting on your stoop and chain smoking until either your wrist falls off or your teeth fall out; you can’t decide which option sounds more appealing, so you move to sit outside until you find out which is more pleasurable.

Before exiting your apartment once again, you grab a thick leather bound journal that always resided on your living room coffee table and a pen, knowing that all of the thoughts going on in your head were one day going to form a pretty stanza for a song. It was a vicious cycle in which you lived in—bask in what semblance of relationship that you had with Makki, get hurt over the fact that he didn’t return the feelings he didn’t even know you had, lash out because you’re hurt, go home and write potential lyrics down, and pretend it never happened. Lather, rinse, repeat.

With a beer resting on the same step as your feet, a freshly lit cigarette in your non-dominant hand, and the pen in the other, you opened to the next blank page in your leather lyric book. Nothing you’re writing even makes sense, you’re sure of it. Just spilling your guts and heart out with paper the being the only thing to catch the mess. A beat comes into your head—typical for you when it came to the songwriting process—and before you know it, you’re gently humming along to the words you’ve written down.

Stop calling me out, we’re never going to Put the pieces back together if you won’t let me get better

“It’s pretty.” The voice startles you, throwing you into a frenzy of shutting your journal and trying not to drop it in the process. Unfortunately, the buildup of ash on the end of your cigarette wavers at the sudden movement, throwing the burnt filter and cherry onto your arm. You hiss at the sudden burning of your skin.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Hanamaki?” More like how did he get here, considering his car was nowhere in sight. But for now, that wasn’t your concern. You knocked over your beer. “Ah, shit.” You mumble, grabbing whatever’s left of the can and the rest of your belongings before trying to head inside, choosing to not hear whatever explanation he had.

“Come on, [name], talk to me.” No, you think to yourself as you retreat into your apartment, closing the door on the bassist. Preemptively, you tucked your journal away with your movie collection, thinking it was hiding inconspicuously among the dusty cases. You knew what he was going to do next and you had enough. Hadn’t you wasted enough of your life wishing he would look at you the same way you thought you looked at him? What was the point of it all?

The turning of your deadbolt signals you that Makki did in fact do what you thought he would, using his spare key to open the door you locked seconds ago. Hearing the clinking of more beer bottles, he takes long strides to your kitchen after he takes his shoes off. He knows you hated it when people left them on. “I’m not in the mood, Hanamaki.”

“Yeah, I’ll fucking say.” The aforementioned man isn’t playing games anymore—he’s tired of it. But he’s never been one to fight fire with fire, no. Makki’s always been the one to smoke his problems away, letting them dissipate along with the tendrils of his preferred poison. “Let’s go for a drive.” He says finally, despite your back still being turned towards him as you chugged the ale over your kitchen sink. The word sends a wave of nostalgia through you, suddenly missing the way his large hand would rest on your thigh, his free one pressing a joint or blunt to his lips. Thinking of those days alone could make you cry.

At your silence, you hear the gentle padding of his footsteps migrate away from you before returning, a heavy thud hitting your island counter. Turning around at the sound, you notice Makki has a book.

The book.

The book that harbors all of your deepest, most meaningful prose that eventually made its way to becoming a song. “Hanamaki,” you grit out slowly, moving like a cat ready to snatch its prey. “Put it back.”

“You’ve always been such a poet,” he muses, not even the slightest bit threatened as he flipped through the pages, soaking in every word of your neat print. You pounce towards him, ready to snatch the book back. But instead, he yanks it away from you, holding it as far away as possible while he has you right in front of him with your chest resting on the counter trying to reach for it. “C’mon, let’s go for a drive.” You never could say no to him.

Though, in hindsight, you should have. While the actions are familiar with you nonchalantly weaving in and out of suburban neighborhoods and Makki’s god forsaken hand is on your thigh and the right music is playing, it’s not right. Nothing about the two of you feels right anymore and you can feel your heart shatter like glass from your chest and sink right into your stomach.

He feels it too. He can feel the density of the air around the two of you and no type of high can distract him from the fact. But he tries to fight through it with arms metaphorically swinging because he misses his best friend. “You know I was joking earlier, right?” Is what he settles on saying as he hands you the tightly rolled joint. Without a moment’s hesitation, you take it from him and take a big hit, deciding you need the calm right now before you run from this situation too.

“I know, Makki. I know.” And you did. You know you did but you are also very aware that you’ve been so on edge lately that a leaf falling on the top of your car could probably set you off for no reason other than it had happened.

“You know?” The strawberry-brunette repeats with caution, taking back the spliff. “You know, and yet you tell me to go fuck myself and run off. Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong when everyone else knows? I thought we were best friends.” Accusations aside, you can tell he’s a little hurt at being left out. Technically, it wasn’t your fault that your friends weren’t as dense as you thought. They figured out your issue without ever having to tell them.

“Thought?” You decide to echo. “Are you saying we aren’t anymore?”

“Don’t fucking do that. Don’t fucking blow up on me and run away from me and then twist my fucking words because I can’t take it anymore.” You’re so thankful you’ve parked at the very back of a grocery store, away from everyone else so that they can’t hear the two of you right now. There’s no way you would be able to focus on not accidentally hitting a pedestrian at the moment.

“I can’t either.” Shaky breath fills your lungs as you opt for a cigarette rather than entertaining the idea of even touching the man to your right to take the joint back. A brief pause passes as you light the stick before you continue with broken sobs causing hiccups in your words. “I can’t do this anymore, Hiro.” 

Surely, you two aren’t talking about the same thing.

“Do what anymore?” Crying was always a weakness that Hanamaki couldn’t ignore and the moment you started, he unbuckles his seatbelt, turning to face you fully no matter how much discomfort was present because of his height.

“I can’t be around you anymore.”

“Bullshit.” He bites immediately, banishing the thought.

“Dude, I just can’t,” one more shaky breath passes your lips before you snap the bullet between your teeth. “Being in love with you for ten fucking years, writing stupid songs about you and pretending it doesn’t hurt? I can’t do it anymore.”

“Like it didn’t hurt me to write mine either? Who the hell do you think Growing Pains is about?” Despite your tear stained face and your red puffy eyes and how gross you probably looked at the moment, you stare at Makki completely dumbfounded.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You’re so dumb sometimes, [name].” A few tears slipped past Hanamaki’s eyelashes, but he’s laughing. Laughing and covering his face with his lanky hands that are no longer sporting a roach. “Why do you think I insist on singing the songs I wrote?”

“Because you’re a control freak.”

“Okay, no,” he deadpans. “I do it so I can sing to you, idiot.” Unsure of what to do with yourself in the moment that you’re still crying, listening to his confession, you grip the steering wheel in front of you with a death grip, burying your face into the backs of your hands. Beside you, Makki is still laughing, but his tone is light and airy—downright angelic, even. “Ten years, huh? Man, we’re both stupid.”

He wasn’t wrong.

Ten years of stupid, mutual pining that had no reason for existing in the first place. Ten years of crying over one another, thinking it was a bad idea to even attempt a confession. Ten years of playing and teasing to only make tension grow worse. A year of fighting simply because, eventually, one of you got lonely. A year of loneliness because the other thought they had missed their chance ages ago. “We are stupid.” You agree, mumbling into your hands still. “But wait, we didn’t meet in December.” At the realization, recalling one of the verses that the two of you had rehearsed just hours ago, you snap up to face your...best friend? The word didn’t seem to fit him anymore. He’s now sporting a cigarette in his right hand that he’d stolen from you, the rings on his index and middle fingers crushing the filter between them.

“My hire date was December eleventh. I met Momoka in February earlier this year.” It takes you a minute to realize what he’s saying—to process and comprehend it all. That must have been the reason she looked so confused earlier, because she knew that the dates didn’t line up. And if they didn’t line up, then the song wasn’t about her. Oh, shit. That’s kind of awkward.

“You sneaky bastard.” But the name of his current girlfriend brings reality back to the both of you. “Wait, you have a girlfriend.”

“Nah, not for long.” He sings out, a suspicious lilt in his voice signaling he has a plan up his sleeve.

“Makki...” you chide warningly. But before you can continue, he interrupts you.

“I’ve had enough, princess. No more games, no more playing around with each other.” The cigarette between his fingers is now out the window and his hands are on your cheek and anchoring you in place. Not that you have any complaints—for the first time in a long time, you’re able to stare into those icy rocks you love so much and actually feel the reciprocation.

Takahiro Hanamaki is not messing around.

[ Elixir « Growing Pains » A Part of Me ]

Let me know how you guys are liking this series so far? And what favor did Makki ask for?

Wanna see a specific character? Or a different head cannon? Want to see a whole story?

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[abundanceofsoph]

SkyFire 2: Chapter 8

Louis in NYC: June 2016

Word count: 2.5k

SkyFire 2 MASTERLIST

The song Louis and Rori write in this chapter is Leave a Light On by Tom Walker. I decided really early on in this fic that this song was going to be one of Aurora’s and I just think it’s beautiful

>Instagram posts

The night after Niall left, Aurora woke with a start, sweat beading across her forehead and her left arm aching. She laid still in the darkness, staring up towards the ceiling as her chest heaved with every laboured breath. After a while she began to calm but after looking at the clock and seeing that it was around 4 in the morning she groaned, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. She grabbed her phone off the bedside table and opened WhatsApp.

◊Aurora: Are you free?

◊Harry: I am. What are you doing up so early?

Instead of replying, she hit the call button at the top of the screen, waiting as the dial tone rang for a brief moment.

“What’s wrong love?” Harry asked.

“Sorry,” Aurora murmured. “Are you sure I’m not interrupting anything?”

“Not at all. We’re just broke for an early lunch,” Harry said. “Now tell me what’s got awake at 4am?”

Aurora sighed heavily, her heart already settling back into its normal rhythm, soothed by the familiar cadence of Harry’s voice. “Nightmare’s again.”

“Thought you said they were getting better?” he asked, concern thick in his voice and she could picture the way his brows would be lowered over his eyes.

“They were,” she sighed. “I think having Niall around all the time helped.”

“He went home yesterday?”

“Yeah,” she said.

“Saw you two went out on the town,” he chuckled. “Looked like fun.”

“It was. Felt like old times.”

“I’m glad you had fun…” his voice trailed off, struggling to keep up the light-hearted mood in the wake of his concern for her.

“I’ll be alright H. Just missing you.”

“I’ll be home before you know it,” he promised and she smiled softly, happy to hear him referring to the tower as home.

“Enough about me,” she said. “Tell me all about being a big movie star.”

He chuckled but told her all about being on set and how he was getting along with his co-stars. “Baby, I gotta get back to work,” he said after a while. “You gonna be able to sleep now?”

“Probably not,” she sighed. “Might just go downstairs and paint for a while.”

“Ok. I love you.”

“And I love you Harry.”

xXx

Aurora was in the kitchen a few days after her early morning talk with Harry. She was making a cup of tea, her back to the rest of the room where the open plan kitchen looked out across the large living room. She heard the elevator doors slide open over in the far corner of the room, paying it no mind, assuming it was one of the towers residence coming or going as they often did. She added a splash of milk to her mug and returned the carton to the fridge, almost dropping the bottle when a familiar voice yelled out. “Oi Oi!”

She spun around, her face already lighting up with a grin the moment her eyes landed on him. “Louis!” she screamed, running across the room to throw herself into his arms. “What are you doing here?” she asked as he spun her around, his bags forgotten at his feet.

“Missed you love,” he replied. “Got jealous that you spent 3 weeks straight with Irish and I had to come get my own quality time with ya.”

“Harry called, didn’t he?” she asked.

“He was just worried about you getting a bit lonely without him,” Louis explained, finally putting her back on her feet. “Don’t be mad at him.”

“I’m not mad,” Aurora argued. Louis laughed as she followed him into the living room, sitting down next to her on the sofa, folding his leg underneath him to turn and face her completely. “I’m not. I just wish everything would go back to normal. It’s not like I can be angry at him or my parents treating me like I’m broken. They’re not wrong.”

“You’re fine,” Louis scoffed. “There’s nothing wrong with needing to have people around you who care about you. H didn’t ask me to be here with you because he thinks you’ll fall apart on your own, he wanted me here because he feels guilty that he left right after the surgery.”

“I know he feels guilty not being here,” she said. “I think I worried him when I called him the night after Niall left.”

“Why’s that?” Louis asked, his hand resting on her knee.

“I have nightmares when I’m alone at night,” she explained. “Most nights that Niall was here I ended up crashing in his room because I didn’t want to be on my own.”

“Sounds like we’re gonna have plenty of sleepovers then,” Louis joked.

“I really am glad that you’re here, but I’m surprised you’re not out in California with Freddie.”

“I was,” he replied, “but my little sister needed me.”

“Thanks Lou.”

“Anytime, love.”

“He’s beautiful by the way,” Aurora added, happy to change the subject to something happier.

“Wanna see some more photos?” Louis asked, already pulling out his phone.

“Of course,” Rori laughed, leaning in to see Louis and the little baby on his screen. They spent the rest of the afternoon talking about Louis son and what the first few months of fatherhood had been like for him. Steve and Tony were both happy to find the pair in the living room when they arrived home in the early evening, having noticed the change in Rori’s mood since Niall had left the previous week.  They had JARVIS order pizza and the rest of the crew made their way up to the penthouse for dinner. Aurora really was glad to have Louis there and was grateful that Harry had called him. Over the years Louis had taken on the roll of older brother in her life and she had missed him in the months since the band had gone their separate ways.

Eventually it started to get late and slowly everyone excused themselves, heading off to bed one by one. Louis didn’t even pretend that he would be staying in one of the many guest rooms, and instead headed straight for Aurora’s room and dropped his bag at the end of the bed. Rori took her pyjamas into the bathroom to change and by the time she came back out, Louis had changed and was lying on Harry’s side of the bed. She climbed in next to him, a respectful distance between them which caused Louis to laugh.

“Get over here and give us a cuddle,” he said, opening his arms out as he turned on his side to face her. “You know Harold won’t mind.”

She let out her own chuckle, remembering how many times the two of them had fallen asleep on the tour bus or on green room couches together. Harry had of course never had a problem with it, knowing that there was nothing romantic about it and that they were just comfortable around each other. She scooted over towards the centre of the bed, letting Louis wrap his arms around her and she snuggled in against his chest. She fell asleep quickly, sleeping better than she had in weeks.

xXx

As was always the case when the two of them were together, Aurora and Louis spent more time goofing around and having fun than they did actually working. Even so they still managed to pull together a couple of songs they were happy with.

“Wanna take another pass at that house on the hill song we were messing with the other day?” Louis asked.

“Yeah sure thing,” Rori smiled back. “Take it from the second verse?”

Louis nodded and began strumming away on the guitar, Aurora joining in with her lyrics a few beats later.

Tell me what's been happening, what's been on your mind Lately, you've been searching for a darker place to hide That's alright But if you carry on spiralling, they'll be robbed from us I refuse to lose another friend to guns Just come home, don't let go

If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill Guidin' like a lighthouse To a place where you'll be safe to feel our grace 'Cause we've all made mistakes If you've lost your way

I will leave the light on

If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill Guidin' like a lighthouse It's a place where you'll be safe to feel our grace And if you've lost your way, if you've lost your way I will leave the light on And I know you're down and out now, but I need you to be brave Hidin' from the truth ain't gonna make this all okay I see your pain If you don't feel our grace and you've lost your way

I will leave the light on

“I’m thinking we should add a piano track,” Aurora suggested when she finished singing. She moved over to the upright piano and started putting together the right hand of the melody.

“Maybe go up here in the bridge,” Louis suggested. He nodded when Aurora tried it. “Yeah that’s better, kinda cuts through the melody nicely.”

“I like it,” Aurora agreed.

“Think you want to keep this one?” he asked when they finished.

“Nah, I still don’t really see myself doing the whole solo thing. You want it?”

“No thanks love,” Louis replied. “Don’t think it’s the direction I wanna head in.”

“Any idea what that is?” she asked.

“Not yet,” he sighed. “I know the others are chomping at it to get out there on their own, but I think I wanna ease it into.”

“I get that,” Rori said.

“Think you’re probably the only one that does get it. Everyone else is on my ass about writing and getting a solo album out as quick as possible.”

“Tell ‘em to fuck off, Lou.”

Louis let out a loud peel of laughter in response, rolling backwards where he was sitting on the floor. “Jesus I really did miss hanging out with you,” he finally said when he pulled himself together.

xXx

They were up on the roof one night, the hot summer air still hanging over the city even though the sun had set hours ago and they both lay on their backs staring up at the sky. Aurora’s head was cushioned on Louis chest, and she toed off her shoes, the hem of her dress covering her thighs.

“Hey Rors?” Louis asked, breaking the stillness of the evening. The sound of traffic below them floated up but given how high they were above the streets it was more of a soft background noise than it would have been down below.

“Yeah?” she replied, turning her head to the side, only able to see the underside of his chin as he continued looking up at the hint of stars above them.

“I never really asked you about the shooting because I didn’t want to upset you, but I was wondering if you ever wanted to talk about it?”

“For a while I kept trying to pretend it never happened,” she said, turning back to look at the darkness spread out above them. “I know that probably sounds ridiculous given that my hand was held together by metal plates and my shoulder was in pieces, but I couldn’t think about it at first. Then I started talking to Sam and it helped, so I started talking to Harry. I’m not ready to talk to the press or anything, but I think it helps to talk with the people around me.”

“What was it like?” Louis asked.

“Terrifying.” His hand lifted to comb through her hair while she spoke. “I was confused at first, but then once we all realised what was happening, we got under the tables and I had JARVIS send out an S.O.S.” She paused for a moment, thinking back to that day in the library. “I remember the bullets feeling hot, like a hot iron poker. I think I went into shock pretty quick and my head was spinning. I remember Pops lifting me up. His face is what I see in my nightmares most nights. The fear in his eyes was what made me realise I was dying. By the time I got to the hospital I’d lost consciousness, but they said I lost so much blood that it was close. And then I woke up and I couldn’t really believe I was alive, but my dads were there and so was Harry.”

“I hate that that happened to you,” Louis whispered. “When we found out what happened and they were trying to get Harry on a plane and cancel the show, we saw that photo of you in Steve’s arms and I kept thinking; what are we gonna do if you die?”

“I’m sorry, Lou. I forget that it wasn’t just me that went through hell that day.”

“Don’t ever apologise,” he told her. “I’m just glad you’re still here.”

“Me too.”

They both let the conversation drop, the silence wrapping back around them as they lay out in the summer night. Over the past few months, Aurora had found herself resenting how much Harry, Steve and Tony were hovering over her. She’d hated the way they watched her constantly as if afraid that the moment they turned away she would fall apart. She’d thought they saw her as weak and resented their pity. It was only now, lying in the darkness with Louis that she realised that everything they’d done was just their way of loving her and trying to protect her. So much focus was on her injuries, both physical and mental, that she often forgot how traumatising the shooting had been on all of them. How could she possibly blame them for being overprotective of her when they had so very nearly lost her. It wasn’t that she wasn’t able to look after herself, it was more that they wanted to help her in any way they could. She felt stupid for not realising any of this sooner considering how painfully obvious it now seemed.

“I can hear you thinking,” Louis muttered. “Care to share with the class?”

“Just thinking about how much you all love me,” Rori replied. “You’d really do anything to make sure I’m ok.”

“You best believe it,” he said, his hand resting on her shoulder, squeezing gently. “So, stop complaining and just let us help you.”

“I love you Lou,” she murmured, sitting up to look at him in the soft light. “Growing up I always wanted a brother and I’m so grateful I got the best one.”

“Love you too Rors.” He also sat up, pulling her into a tight hug. “I think we all blame ourselves for not being able to protect you. I know it’s not rational because how could anyone of us have stopped what happened, but seeing you hurting kills us. Please don’t feel like you need to put on a brave face around any of us, because we would walk through fire for you.”

Aurora didn’t say anything, still clinging to Louis and he let the silence once again fall around them, glad that he’d finally said everything that had been gnawing away at him for months and happy that she finally understood why her family was hovering over her.

NEXT CHAPTER

OR CONTINUE READING ON AO3

[johns-prince]

Music Mix: John Lennon

1st || 2nd

The Hills || The Weeknd

I only fuck you when it's half past five The only time I'd ever call you mine I only love it when you touch me, not feel me When I'm fucked up, that's the real me When I'm fucked up, that's the real me, babe

In The Night || The Weeknd

He sang a song when he did it He was cold and he was so unforgiving Now she dances to the song on the minute Yeah, all the time, all the time It make her weak when she hear it

Uncomfortable || Chase Atlantic

I'm coming down heavy from the Adderall Borderline drowning in these messy thoughts I'll come down once I get some more This substance got a hold on me, I'm insecure 

I'm hearing voices, what the fuck's that sound? I'm going through problems I shouldn't talk about I'm thinking it's over but, shit, I'll ride it out

No Friends || Chase Atlantic 

I ain’t got no friends in this You should stay away, I fell aggressive I know I asked politely but I’m anxious And I don’t need you preachin’ ‘bout whatever I might lose my shit and leave forever

I ain't got no friends On the guest list, no I ain't got no friends On my mattress, no I ain't got no friends Oh, you an actress? Act this Walk the fuck away and don't look back, bitch 

Heartless || The Weeknd

'Cause I'm heartless And I'm back to my ways 'cause I'm heartless All this money and this fame got me heartless Low life for life 'cause I'm heartless Said I'm heartless Tryna be a better man but I'm heartless Never be a wedding plan for the heartless Low life for life 'cause I'm heartless

I lost my heart and my mind I tried to always do right I thought I lost you this time You just came back in my life You never gave up on me (why don't you?) I'll never know what you see (why won't you?) I don't do well when alone (oh, yeah) You hear it clear in my tone

Therapy || All Time Low

My ship went down in a sea of sound When I woke up alone, I had everything A handful of moments, I wished I could change And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade

Give me a therapy, I'm a walking travesty But I'm smiling at everything Therapy, you were never a friend to me And you can keep all your misery

Arrogant boy Love yourself so no one has to They're better off without you (They're better off without you)

Arrogant boy 'Cause a scene like you're supposed to They'll fall asleep without you You're lucky if your memory remains

I’m Still Here || John Rzeznik

I am a question to the world not and answer to be Heard or a moment that's held in your arms and what do you think you'd ever say I won't listen anyway you don't know me and I'll never be what you want me to be and what do you think you'd understand I'm a boy no, I'm a man You can't take me and throw me away And how can you learn what's never shown Yeah you stand here on your own They don't know me Cause I'm not here

And I want a moment to be real Wanna touch things I don't feel Wanna hold on and feel I belong And how can the world want me to change They're the ones that stay the same They don't know me Cause I'm not here

And you see the things they never see All you wanted I could be Now you know me and I'm not afraid And I wanna tell you who I am Can you help me be a man They can't break me As long as I know who I am

They can't see me But I'm still here

Silhouette || Owl City

I'm tired of waking up in tears, 'Cause I can't put to bed these phobias and fears I'm new to this grief I can't explain; But I'm no stranger to the heartache and the pain     The fire I began, is burning me alive But I know better than to leave and let it die I'm a silhouette asking every now and then Is it over yet? Will I ever feel again? I'm a Silhouette chasing rainbows on my own But the more I try to move on the more I feel alone So I watch the summer stars to lead me home I'm sick of the past I can't erase, A jumble of footprints and hasty steps I can't retrace, The mountains of things that I still regret, Is a vile reminder that I would rather just forget (No matter where I go) 

Get Off My Back || Bryan Adams

Well you think that you can take me on You must be crazy There ain't a single thing you've done That's gonna phase me Oh, but if you want to have a go I just wanna let you know

Get off my back! And into my game Get out of my way! And out of my brain Get outta my face! Or give it your best shot I think it's time you better face the fact Get off of my back!

I’m Born to Run || American Authors

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come Do whatever I want like I'm born to run I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo I wanna be careless even if I break my bones I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

Mad Hatter Cover || Toogla

I'm nuts, baby, I'm mad The craziest friend that you've ever had You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone Tell the psychiatrist something is wrong Over the bend, entirely bonkers You like me best when I'm off my rocker Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed So what if I'm crazy? The best people are

Déjà Vu || 3oh!3

Mister bartender, you will kick me out And the blond girl in the back, you'll put your tongue down my mouth And the greaser in the jacket's gonna pick a fight And they'll probably kick my ass 'cause I'm drunk every night

Officer, officer, tell me the truth How many times can I get in trouble with you Before they lock me up for all the bad things that I do But you don't and that's why this feels like déjà vu

Everywhere I Go || Hollywood Undead

When I start drinking My dick does all my thinking Hoes want to be scene with me And I like their big fake titties D cup with extra filling Take it out let me lick it quickly Calm down its just a hickie I'll blame it on this whisky sipping gets me tipsy Drink fast and enjoy your buzz Take back street to avoid the fuzz I wanna take you home but your friends won't let ya I gotta 40 in my ford fiesta Buy beer Or pay the rent My signing bonus was quickly spent So I beat my meat like I'm a fucking butcher And I punk the pussy like I'm Ashton Kutcher!  

Afraid || The Neighborhood

All my friends always lie to me I know they're thinking You're too mean, I don't like you, fuck you anyway You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs It hurts but I won't fight you You suck anyway You make me wanna die, right when I

When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place

Being me can only mean Feeling scared to breathe If you leave me then I'll be afraid of everything That makes me anxious, gives me patience, calms me down Lets me face this, let me sleep, and when I wake up Let me breathe

Take What You Want || Post Malone ft. Ozzy Osbourne

I feel you crumble in my arms down to your heart of stone You bled me dry just like the tears you never show Why don't you take what you want from me? Take what you need from me Take what you want and go Why don't you take what you want from me? Take what you need from me Take what you want and go

I never needed anything from you ...And all I ever asked was for the truth (all I ever asked was for) You showed your tongue and it was forked in two Your venom was lethal, I almost believed you (almost believed you) Yeah, you preyed on my every mistake Waited on me to break, held me under hopin' I would drown Like a plague, I was wasting away Tryna find my way out, find my way out (find my way out) 

Mantra || Bring Me the Horizon

Before the truth will set you free, it'll piss you off Before you find a place to be, you're gonna lose the plot Too late to tell you now, one ear and right out the other one 'Cause all you ever do is chant the same old mantra

Breaking the Habit || Linkin Park

I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I’ll never be alright

Bleed it Out || Linkin Park

Filthy mouth, no excuse Find a new place to hang this noose String me up from atop these roofs Knot it tight so I won't get loose

Truth is you can stop and stare Bled myself out and no one cares Dug a trench out, laid down there With a shovel up out of reach somewhere

Mama, help me, I've been cursed Death is rolling in every verse Candy paint on his brand new hearse

Can't contain him; He knows he works Fuck this hurts, I won't lie Doesn't matter how hard I try Half the words don't mean a thing

Figure.09 || Linkin Park

Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them Sometimes I wonder why this is happenin' It's like nothing I can do would distract me when I think of how I shot myself in the back again 'Cause from the infinite words I can say I Put all pain you gave to me on display But didn't realize instead of setting it free I Took what I hated and made it a part of me

....

Hearing your name the memories come back again I remember when it started happening I see you n' every thought I had and then The thoughts slowly found words attached to them And I knew as they escaped away I was committing myself to em n' everyday I regret saying those things 'cause now I see that I Took what I hated and made it a part of me

Lying From You || Linkin Park

When I pretend Everything is what I want it to be I look exactly like what you had always wanted to see When I pretend I can forget about the criminal I am Stealing second after second just cause I know I can, but I can't pretend this is the way it will stay, I'm just (Trying to bend the truth) I can't pretend I'm who you want me to be

....

I remember what they taught to me Remember condescending talk of who I ought to be Remember listening to all of that and this again So I pretended up a person who was fitting in And now you think this person really is me and I'm (trying to bend the truth) But the more I push The more I'm pulling away

Lithium || Nirvana 

I'm so happy because today I've found my friends They're in my head I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you We've broken our mirrors

...

I'm so lonely but that's okay I shaved my head And I'm not sad And just maybe I'm to blame for all I've heard But I'm not sure I'm so excited, I can't wait to meet you there But I don't care I'm so horny but that's okay My will is good

[lovenliterature]

My thoughts on folklore

(all my personal stuff will be crossed out so u can skip if you want)

the 1

Giving me strong first love vibes

Highly vibe with thinking you’ve seen your ex when you haven’t, such a frequent experience

V much reminds me of Stan and like, its nice to imagine what could have been without disliking how things are

Like the line about how you should show if you want someone, prevents complacency and I like that, love is work and when you forget that inevitably it falls apart

It’s also kinda nice to realise how many things lead you to where you are - if one thing was different it would all change

Comfy reminiscence

Favourite lyric: in my defense, i have none/for digging up the grave another time

cardigan

feels quite a mature outlook on a relationship

V pragmatic

the first notes, straight into lyrics that just fill me with nostalgia

also like its not denying your feelings, you still feel like an old cardigan but you feel special AS that without changing

Peter losing Wendy is such a good line 10/10

Music vid gets points too tbh

Oof chasing shadows in the grocery line is high key relatable (literally being at uni with my ex anyone)

Stars around my scars now i’m bleeding feels like he’s distracting from the hurt he’s causing, he heals wounds while causing others god this is a mess

Favourite lyric: chase two girls, lose the one/when you are young, they assume you know nothing

the last great american dynasty

Probably one of the closest things to a bop on the album?

the font and background in the lyric vid are perfect

love the juxtaposition with the wedding was charming/if a little gauche and the parties were tasteful/if a little loud - it’s like she’s so close to being accepted but it’s always tinged with disapproval

Favourite lyric: either she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green or free of women with madness/their men and bad habits (the bridge is just stunning)

exile

god what do i even say about exile?? 

Made me fucking bawl my eyes out the first time I heard it

the two perspectives are just so relatable and heartbreaking 

Choosing Bon Iver to collab with?? Perfect, the voices mesh so well and its just gorgeous

the opening verse is very relatable and its so well articulated and Justin Vernon’s voice just really hits home 

the I gave so many signs is high key relatable and i really really feel that

Also just the concept of both of them being left with no home - 10/10, no breakup is seamless

Favourite lyric: like he’s just your understudy - it feels like you’re gonna jump right back in but you’re not, you’ve been recast

my tears ricochet

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace/And you're the hero flying around, saving face - big oooooof, such a good way of showing how victims are expected to be the bigger person and be grateful idk

‘Cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave - This is so relatable, like whenever you cut ties/fall out with someone you love this is such a strong feeling, they’re usually the ones backing you up and now its them you’re fighting with and that’s hard to reconcile

the bridge!!! OMG!!

Favourite lyric: and I can go anywhere I want/Anywhere I want, just not home

mirrorball

Also one that’s close to a bop

And I’m still a believer and I don’t know why - I know its not about disillusionment with politics/humanity but for me it’s very much, I want to believe in the goodness of people but fuck it’s hard

Favourite lyric: you’re not like the regulars/the masquerade revellers

seven 

My favourite song literally from the second I heard it

Like the whole vibe is so very me

and though I can’t recall your face/I still got love for you

Very much reminds me of Sam, I can’t remember that much about him but I can remember how close we were and how important he was to me and I wish nothing but good for him 

Love you to the Moon and to Saturn - sounds like it was written for me at about 7, Saturn was my favourite planet and this was the kind of music I listened to at that age, just v nostalgic

Verse 2 is just my favourite part of the whole song, the melody, hiding in the closet, everything. That youthful naivety really makes me think of my friends when i was little. Even when i had problems with my own dad i desperately wanted to rationalise my friend’s dad’s anger to protect her and she practically did come live with us.

Favourite lyric: And we can be pirates/Then you won’t have to cry/Or hide in the closet

august

Wow this one has about a million and one different meanings for me

Summer fling, being used, reminds me of a CERTAIN SOMEONE, took place either side of August especially with the alcohol imagery

Whispers of are you sure? - first relationship, so good at making me comfortable, let me take the lead

Will you call when you’re back at school? - first relationship, long distance

I remember thinkin’ I had you, both situations, the non-relationship thinking it could be more and the relationship thinking I wasn’t gonna lose him

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets - first relationship, the first time we had sex and just the first times we were able to relax and be open with each other, really nice innocent memory

Favourite lyric: August sipped away like a bottle of wine

this is me trying

Back to December vibes

Also sad vibes, no fixing what you’ve fucked up but you’ve gotta try

I don’t wanna relate too hard because relating to it means thinking about things I can't fix

Favourite lyric: They told me all of my cages were mental/So I got wasted like all my potential

illicit affairs

Make sure nobody sees you leave/hood over your head, keep your eyes down 

Feeling of hiding and being hidden, not sustainable

You feel like you aren’t worth loving, aren’t worth people knowing you love them

A drug that only worked/the first few hundred times 

Hmmmm Patch who the fuck could this apply to????

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me and For you, I would ruin myself

Value yourself higher boy but yes about a certain someone

Favourite lyric: And clandestine meetings and stolen stares/they show their truth one single time/but they lie and they lie and they lie

invisible string

Green was the colour of the grass/Where I used to read at Centennial Park juxtaposed with introducing him to Centennial Park - GORGEOUS, and highkey relatable

A string that pulled me/out of all the wrong arms, right into that dive bar - it’s always nice to see how relationships that didn’t work out can set you up for a better future

Favourite lyric: hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

mad woman

They strike to kill, and you know I will - yess bitch be angry

And there’s nothing like a mad woman - the notes and the delivery on woman give me CHILLS

The Pre-Chorus is gold, really relate to intensifying aspects of you that are criticised because yeah, fuck them

Favourite lyrics: No one likes a mad woman/what a shame she went mad/you made her like that

epiphany

Does this make me cry almost every time I hear it? Yes

The first verse being about war also makes me think about the mythologisation of healthcare workers as heroes, allowing governments to sacrifice them as martyrs

The melody of the whole song is gorgeous

Favourite lyric: Something med school did not cover/someone’s daughter, someone’s mother/holds your hand through plastic now

the medics are equipped to deal with the practicalities of treating people but not the emotions and not the feeling of not being able to help or even let someone die with their loved ones

betty

I am not sapphic but this gives me major sapphic vibes and I would die for betty 

Give betty all the rights

Such a nostalgic vibe, fearless/fifteen/white horse/love story sound and i am HERE FOR IT

Also lots of red references and i love that

Really like figment of my worst intentions, turns a usually somewhat positive image upside down

In front of all your stupid friends? - really dude?? You cheated on her and now you’re insulting her friends??? What the fuck

Will it patch your broken wings? is a pretty line though

Favourite lyric: Would you tell me to go fuck myself?

peace

Natural assumption is that it’s about finding peace with a partner, i really like that it’s the opposite, committing to a relationship despite the chaos, despite the lack of peace

But I would die for you in secret - in the age of social media knowing someone has your back whether or not others are watching is so important (yes this sounds very pretentious i just mean like knowing that you’ve got that person no matter what is so important)

Favourite lyrics: Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other/Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother

hoax

The vibe is just very calm and melancholy and i rate that

I am ash from your fire - this is such a good rep of toxic relationships, defined in relation to your partner, burnt by their bright flames, left behind

Favourite lyric: You knew it still hurts underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark

[flechxtte]

muse  playlist .

post 3 - 5 songs that remind you of your muse. repost, don’t reblog.

Getting Scared -- Imogen Heap

The only times of my life The sun was meant to shine for me You made it pour down, pour down with tears of rain And dug my pride with a knife Encaged by your obsession with me Time for some mental torture and screams of justified pain So you're gonna chase me now, boy? Yeah you're gonna corner me now, boy? You think you're gonna threaten me now, boy? Well, somehow I don't think so Yeah you're gonna stamp me down now, boy? Yeah you're gonna crush me down now, boy? You think you're gonna threaten me now, boy? Well, somehow I don't think so

so let’s start this off with some young (either child or teen) shen’s revenge fantasies, which would have been fairly vague and. well, with a suitably vague target/range, as well, bc no one person has consistently mistreated or abused him thinking emoji

unfortunately, his entitlement and anger isn’t focused exactly on any one individual or even group of people, it’s scattered about to encompass Everyone. this means that he’d have been moved to react violently (and feel justified in it) when young if he only felt threatened or ridiculed, no matter the truth of the situation

Jumper -- Third Eye Blind

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in And if you do not want to see me again I would understand, I would understand The angry boy a bit too insane Icing over a secret pain You know you don't belong You're the first to fight, you're way too loud You're the flash of light on a burial shroud [...] I never thought it would come to this And I, I want you to know Everyone's got to face down the demons Maybe today, you could put the past away

ngl this song brings me to tears on bad days jfkf;a but anYWAY. i think the reason this reminds me of shen is fairly self-explanatory tbh :o tho i will admit i do often think of it as po speaking to him for some reason. there’s actually a few songs like that in my shen playlist, now i think about it

Seein’ Red -- Unwritten Law

Don't think you'll have to see my face again Don't have much time for sympathy 'Cause it never happened to me You're feeling blue now I think you bit off more than you could chew [...] I confess I don't know what to make from all this mess Don't have much time for sympathy But it never happened to me You're feeling down now I don't know where I'll be when you come around And now it's time to make a choice And all I wanna hear is your voice... 

whispers that ‘you’re feeling blue now’ part i imagine is shen on some level toward the soothsayer at some point during the movie. probably like right after she realizes he can’t be swayed near the end of their last scene together 6^6;

and also ‘i don’t know where i’ll be when you come around’ just. gives me Thoughts tbh lies down

actually, this song in general is one i kinda see shen and the soothsayer switching on and off with-- some lines make me think of her trying to get through to him (there’s even a line specifically saying ‘and what i’d do to get through to you’) while others remind me more of shen thinking about the soothsayer’s words and such _(´ཀ`」 ∠)_

Animal -- Sir Chloe

Shoulda known better, I tried to stay cool. You were telling me I’m such a fool to say no. Number one. Make me behave like an animal Make me behave like an animal. I’m asking nicely, give me what I want. I’ll ask politely, give me what I want.

so as you probably guessed this is here mostly bc of those last two lines. that’s it i got nothing else i’m a simple creature ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

Vide Noir -- Lord Huron

Many evils have I enjoyed Prowling the night raising hell with the boys Getting high on a pure, black void I am only an aimless soul Heading into a pure, black void So what if I'm living out past the edge? So what if I never come back again? Where can you go when it’s all in your head? These are the last words that I ever said Where can you go when it’s all in your head?

and here we have arrived at the One i have specifically for main verse shen, which is probably in all honesty the most depressing, soul crushing verse i have the more i think on it ᘓ( ᐛ )ᘕ why did i think that was a good idea

anywho-- ‘i am only an aimless soul’ ‘so what if i never come back again’ ‘where can you go when it’s all in your head’ :chinhands:

the idea of shen feeling in some deep part of himself that no one would really mourn much if he simply disappeared hurts me, but mostly bc gDI SHEN the soothsayer is RIGHT THERE, but i like the idea that while he does believe she’d miss him (since she’s shown this reaction before when he does disappear and when he first just about came back from the dead), he also on some level feels that she’d get on fine enough eventually. considering their current situation, she might even be better off

and a small bonus instrumental one

What Must Be Done -- Nick Cave & Warren Ellis

feels very ‘The Inevitable Ending of Undoing’-esque, which is probably made more evident to me by the title

[songsorter28]

Blackpink: The Album Review

Okay, this is the first time i’ve done this and the truth is i don’t know how, so i’ll just try my best.

First of all: I am a Jennie biased blink. That means I have no trustworthy sense of criticism when it comes to them and if you do, this is probably not the place for you. I will try to talk about this album with a sense of criticism, but sometimes, i’m just gonna like a song because it’s blackpink and y’all just gotta deal with it.

BUT, I am not afraid of saying i don’t like things that the pinks have said it to like, which is actually how i’m starting this review. So, if you guys are all about loving the girls and emotion and “think about how they must feel” this is a decision made by the girls, this place is also not for you either. I am a blink and i share a lot of love for those four women, but i am also a consumer of their work as artists. I will complain if I didn’t get something I thought was necessary as a viewer and listener for my money and attention to be spent. I will not, of course, hate on them in any way.

Ok, before anything:

1) English isn’t my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes. 2) Here, we’re gonna talk about the cover, pre-release single choices, writing credits, tracklist and my honest opinion about the album as a whole.

a) The Cover:

There’s not a lot to talk about but the fact that it’s gorgeous, but simple. I didn’t understand why a crown if the name was The Album (something unoriginal to be honest, but i’m not 100% against it) and there’s no reference to royalty throughtout the album besides maybe Jennie’s rap “didn’t want to be a princess”. I did find the cover visually pleasing tho, could be much more embarrasing.

b) Writing credits and Track List:

This one is quick. I’m extremely glad Jennie and Jisoo were credited as songwriters (Jennie as well as a composer) but Teddy gotta give Danny Chung to god. He hates rapper Jennie and he’s the reason Lisa doesn’t write. He’s always in charge of the raps so teddy gets confortable and Lisa doesn’t get a chance to write her own verses, which is something the sure thing cover showed us she can do. Also, he hates rapper Jennie to the point where she had to write her rap on the title track (wich is good, but, you know what i mean) and wasnt even given a chance to write more than 8 seconds. Melanie I hope this is the last time you were here. Loren you can stay. Tommy and Ryan yall were cute we had fun but it’s over let’s move one (seriously, these producers really made me appreciate Teddy more lmao pls sir never leave us). Okay that’s it. Now, to the track list.

I will be talking about the fact this shouldn’t even be called a full album on the My Honest Opinion About The Album As A Whole topic.

1. How You Like That

I say my opinion more detailed on the next topic but at at essence. Cute. A good opener to the album and what is to come, but too much of a bside to even be a pre release single.

6.5/10

2. Ice Cream

Again, my opinion it’s on the next topic. Cute song. Loved Chaennie’s high notes and wish i didn’t know english so the rap didnt sound that silly. Not as bad as blinks and non blinks make it out to be. 

6.12/10

3. Pretty Savage

I kinda also talked about that in the next topic lmao. It has everything a blackpink song should have. There’s been some controversy about Lisa “born skinny bitch” but Lisa was talking about herself since she has been body shamed through her whole career. She was right and she should say it. You’re entitled to feel uncomfortable but that’s just the thing she wasn’t talking about me or you. She was taking her pain and wearing like an armor. This was a diss track for the haters. Taking that away from her because of our own issues it’s kinda mistreating hers.

8.82/10

4. Bet You Wanna

Yes you guessed it right I talk more about it next topic. It’s a bop. Loved Jennie here. She has such a versatile voice I was very proud to hear her. And Cardi was also good. Just hope Lisa will get her rap part live cause she didn’t have much lines here. But I loved Jenlisa’s brigde. Rosé’s adlibs peak perfection and Jisoo’s chorus and english that’s what i’m talking about. The chorus can be a little repetitive and it kinda ends a bit suddenly but it doesnt bother me much.

8.37/10

5. Lovesick Girls

WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS MASTERPIECE OTHER THAN BEST BLACKPINK TITLE TRACK? Love that for me. It was so different than anything they’ve done so far, the lyrics were AMAZING, the message behind it also, the visuals in the MV, storylinne, RAPPER JENNIE OMG, she got the most memorable line “didn’t want to be a princess, i’m priceless” i love her tf the shade to the yg princess title and her scene in the car and in the mental hospital(will not touch on the controversies cause that was annoying) also Lisa’s rap/singing with a flow in the begining her voice OMG I WAS SHOOKEDT. Jisoo’s high note in the brigde? Rosé?? perfect.

10/10

6. Crazy Over You

Rapper Jennie for the last time with a 8 second rap again but LET’S BE POSITIVE. A bop. I loved the i. went. crazy. over. you. I love the lyrics. It bother a bit this much english but it’s bp’s idendity so i’m fine with it.

8.5/10

7. Love To Hate Me

This was a predictable song in the best possible way. Easily one of their best songs. There’s honestly nothing left to say. Also. Lisa’s rap. Maybe Danny Chung deserves some points. It even felt like she was a feat in the song like her flow yall just perfection.

9.4/10

8. You Never Know.

Great song I left with depression.

I like how this album talks with haters and blinks, it really shows a different side from the pinks. Only a few know the emotion Jennie starting off “but you never know unless you walk in my shoes [...] cause everybody sees what they wanna see, it’s easier to jugde it than to believe”. It was written by Loren, a close friend from the girls and the boy who’s Jenlichaeng  boyfriend in the LSG’s MV and Bekuh Boom, a producer who’s been with them for really long, but if anyone got a conspirancy theory that they were involved in the songwriting process of the song, sign me up. You don’t need proves. I believe you. ALSO JISOO GOT MOST LINE ON THIS ONE and we got singer Lisa. After a while, it become my favorite song from the album. Now, it’s my favorite song from their discography. Debate your mother.

9.62/10

c) Pre-Release single Choices: 

I can’t stress about this enough. Whoever was in charge for the single choices needs to go to jail. Not that HYLT is bad (at all) but comparing to the rest of the songs, it look MUCH more like a powerful bside than Love To Hate Me and Pretty Savage ever will. I will lecture later how Pretty Savage was the perfect choice to first release single, just wait. Now, to the controversial Ice Cream. To be honest, i found the song super cute and i think the MV was one of their best. It was different and refreshing, love that for me. But the whole sequence of events that turned out to that disasterous twitter timeline, with constant attacks to the girls especially Lisa over things they cannot control such as line distribuition and a sabotage from antis on yt comment section, was something I kinda already saw it coming. Ice Cream is Blackpink’s most successful single to date, but it was a bad choice from the start (I will talk about that in a second). For starters, YG decided not to promote the song well. While announcing the single, they gave us a poster with pictures from a summer package released months before. And each week they kept doing that, only using actual teaser photos in the release week. The hype was pretty much out. I can’t say my timeline is 100% blink because i have way too many fandoms that i’ve been following for longer than i’ve known kpop, but compared to the HYLT hype, they were pretty down and that’s on YGE. Also, ever since coachella, it’s been antecipated by fans and artists the possibility of a Blackpink x Ariana Grande (one of the most popular singes these last couple of years). The idea of an Aripink collab got blinks (who were already with an eye wide open after Blackpink was seen with Tommy Brown, Ari’s basically oficial producer, who has been producing for her ever since her second album and was reponsible for many hits of her latest project, Thank U, Next, such as 7 rings and Thank U, Next) even more hyped when YG announced (one of those old photoshoot posters. I’m sorry I will never let that go that company is so trash) that Blackpink’s second release was going to be a collaboration with a western artist, and Ariana herself like Jennie’s instagram post about the next single. I cannot put in words the reaction of my twitter timeline when YG confirmed that the collab was actually with Selena Gomez. 

Now, on a more personal note. 

You see, I actually like Selena. I like her songs, besides the critics. Perfect is pop perfection. Waverly Place is the best disney show ever since That’s So Raven. But, to a collab made to the US market, and besides the success of Rare, Selena isn’t a sales force like Adele or Taylor Swift, nor a streaming force like Ariana Grande. Nothing takes my theory that this was supposed to be an aripink collab but, for some reason, she dipped and then interscope (blackpink us label and selena’s label) picked her. Selena showed us a good time and promoted the girls more than YGE did but, it wasn’t a surprise when the song didn’t get a top 10 (a top 13 is really good tho, don’t get me wrong). 

Now back to the story telling

Selena was more than a feat, she sang the whole damn song, getting more vocal lines the the entire vocal line. She’s only a few seconds behind Lisa, who got the most lines in general. I understand that it is a collab, but this is the girls’ single. Why would they want to listen to them for only 16 seconds, the amount of time Rosé got? That set a bunch of solo stans (something that exists more in this fandom than everywhere else) to boycoitt the release, a huge fansite even taking out their funds for the full album (that was low, even for a solo account. JisooBar, you aint seeing heaven). Did i think it was a little of overeacting? As someone who’s an army that had to handle Not Today’s line distribuition, and especially since we’re talking about the main vocalist, someone who will for sure have more lines in the future (as she did), kinda. But, like i said, it was a bomb getting ready to explode at any minute. If it wasn’t that it’d be something else. That being said, NOTHING will ever justify the nastyness y’all did with Lisa and even Jennie’s comment section. Nothing. That was ridiculous even for solo stans. BUT for people who got worried about Lisa’s lack of posts after the release, don’t worry. She didn’t post a lot because Thailand is going through some stuff and I don’t think she has YGe’s permission to talk about it (when I catch the ones in power on that company istg). 

Wow, that was long. At essence, it  was a bad choice for several reasons, but i enjoyed the song a lot. Can’t wait for the live performances with chaesoo’s lines.

Now, back to HYLT. It was greatly promoted, it stopped Zico’s (huge in korea) releases and a bunch of other big artists in South Korea. Got 7 Perfect All-Kills and would’ve gotten more than 12 if the charts weren’t reforming at the time. It also broke a lot of records, and repeated Sour Candy’s position on the bb100 on #33. It’s another very Blackpink song that  I enjoyed but kinda aged. Many non blinks didn’t like it but it’s not like they were ever going to admit they liked a bp song. They’re annoying. The song’s biggest problem is probably the 2015 edm in the chorus. Like. Teddy. You gotta let that go. It’s time. He kinda heard us in the album. But, these kinds of songs are very liked by the general public, especially the korean one. An interview was made asking the general public if blackpink should change concepts and they said a bit fat no. So that tells what you need to know. And that it why i think Pretty Savage should have been the first pre release single. 

Okay, let me tell you another series of event. Back on november 2019, when we were starving because YGe does not like money, BlackpinkBar, a big fansite, payed trucks to be sent to YG building during a whole day demanding for better treatment to Blackpink. You can find all the demands online, but at essence, when it came to music related, blinks always mention: Jisoo’s lines, screen time and blackpink in your area, Main Rapper Jennie, Lisa dance break, Rosé’s high note. On HYLT, we got nothing. And everyone had to shrug it off saying it was just a pre release single, BUT it would be better hyped by blink and the hype to the second pre release would’ve lasted longe if PRETTY SAVAGE, who has basically all of that, was the pre release single. It would’ve assured us of so much. Jisoo said bp in your area twice, she RAPPED, she was singing, she could’ve had more screetime and center time especially bc she’s on all chorus. Jennie Main Rapper would go back and we wouldn’t have to be blue balled (which caused the ice cream meltdown)every single release and only having to wait till the title track and only to have a 8 SECOND RAP. I won’t talk about that now. Moving on. Rosé wouldn’t get a high note, but she would’ve gotten the brigde all to herself and the next pre release single, bet you wanna (wait for it), she would get those incredible adlibs. And Lisa’s dance break. Not only this is bp’s most danceable song and has a bunch of lisa’s raps, it also has jennie’s outro, where for a least 20 seconds lisa could’ve thrived. Yall we were robbed.

Now, real quick, back to Ice Cream. In a perfect world (or just a world where YG’s current ceo) had brains, if they wanted a collaboration to show the pink side of blackpink, with a poppy song and sassy lyrics, the artist not to be in the whole song, and to have an artist who would driven attention from the locals and is a big streaming force, THEY WOULD’VE CHOSEN BET YOU WANNA. My biggest problem with bet you wanna is Lisa’s lack of lines, which could cause stuff and well we just miss her they could have added a rap even for 8 seconds, BUT, seeing her all around pretty savage and knowing she’s gonna have Cardi’s rap during live performances would cool things down. Since we were in the middle of a pandemic, instead of a mv like ice cream where they had to do it separately, they could’ve done something like IU’s eight. A huge part in animation and a few with people. Literally YG why are you so dumb. Bye.

d)  My Honest Opinion About The Album As A Whole:

I did some math (lol) and my rank for The Album is 8.4. It’s easily one of the best releases from this year and I loved it so much, but something were left to be desired and i think i could pass everything and just turn a blind eye at things, except one: the fact we waited for 4 years, watched all ggs and yg groups getting comebacks last semester and only got 8 songs. Loona is releasing a mini album with that amount of songs. Stray Kids and BTS’s mini albums are longer than that. It was bad enough KTL had 4 songs and a remix (a joke) with 2 songs lacking raps and no rapper jennie only for them to carry YG’s dirty name after what their protected boys did. I legit hate it here they didn’t even had 30 minutes, their longest song wasn’t even 4 minutes. Also, before anyone says anything about the girl’s interview about quality over quantity. I’d like to say that i understand them having that when it comes to have one comeback a year and i’m honestly okay with that. But their first full album? 8 songs? Are you kidding me? Like I said, I’m a consumer. I refuse to receive this half assed excuse about quality over quantity when they had more than enough time to produce and write more than 8 quality songs? what, is impossible to write more than one song per moth? these songs have formulas, they can be made more than 8 times. A blackpink album its more than a thousand reals here. That 90% of a sallary. And please don’t come with the “if you don’t want it just don’t buy it” “you can just unstan them” bc that’s not the case. I love their songs. I love the girls. But I’m a consumer of their art and if they want to be takend seriously as artists, they gotta do more than 8 songs on a full album. It’s unfair to anyone that isn’t a diehard fan willing to sell out an overpriced photobook in hours. That’s not the only kind of fan blackpink needs. they need the store locals, the people who are not on twitter or tumblr or instagram. Cause those locals are gonna stay like they stayed with adele and taylor swift. stan twitter is much more likely to leave them with time.

Side note: I’m tired of commenting on rapper Jennie so I’ll just say Jennie deserves better than 8 second raps as the main rapper of the group. That doesnt mean I want Lisa to not rap or to Jisoo not to sing, as many will say bc apparently that’s what people hear when we say main rapper who trained for 6 years to be a main rapper should rap on at least most title tracks even if not on all songs.

But yeah, that’s it. Besides the unfortunate final note, I loved The Album and now Blackpink it’s my second most listened artist of all time. They were top 13 before the album.