#* low quality content for my loves ( u are my love )

[illholy]

[neuvistar]

Biker! Dan heng, Sunday and aventurine?

Sfw and NSFW

Like I'm brain dead for them

DREAM RIDE. biker! honkai star rail men part one

— featuring ┊aventurine, sunday, (il) dan heng x fem!reader (all separate)

— warnings / content warnings ┊all consensual! sfw + nsfw, feminine terms used (she, girl, etc), cunniligus (aventurine #1 pussy eater strikes again), orgasm denial (sunday), jus a tad bit of subby dan heng, semi-public s3x? (sunday), blowjob (dan heng), use of vibrators (sunday), riding (dan heng) use of nicknames, multiple orgasms, bath s3x (aventurine), sunday is a MENACE here, reader implied 2 be a lil smaller than them, v4ginal fingering (aventurine), more tba! | 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

— a/n ┊NOT PROOFREAD ! might correct tmr if i’m not sleepy! <3 anyways hi guys writers block stopped biting my ass anyways guys i’m SOOO attracted 2 aventurine it’s acc insane he needs to be jailed from how majestic he is.. erm! whoever keeps sending asks abt biker! hsr men god bless u and ur entire family | reblogs r appreciated

⊹ 𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐄

sfw.

⊹ BIKER!AVENTURINE who would take you out for late night rides! he’s a total drama queen, let’s get that out of the way. he loves you, yes, but he’d get so pouty whenever you turn him down for your daily night rides with him, he sulks and sulks.. clinging onto your figure until you finally say yes! jokes aside, aventurine really does enjoy your company, he really does value quality time as he would go as far to even take you out to see the stars, feel the breeze and have some fresh air, or just have a midnight snack!

“come on, baby.. 2am is nothing! just come and ride with me for a bit, i promise i’ll have you back til 3?”

⊹ BIKER!AVENTURINE who always finds himself buying you gifts before visiting you and such! sometimes he’d just be riding around on the road and all of the sudden his hands are full of bags and gifts just for you before he gets to your place! he’s a huge gift giver, spoiling you to the brim.

“would [name] like this one.. no no, maybe this one. hm.. maybe both.”

⊹ BIKER!AVENTURINE who can be insecure at times, sometimes he thinks about whether he’s truly right for you or not. like, usually he wouldn’t give in to these thoughts but there are times where he’s just riding around at night n he suddenly stops n goes.. “what if [name] is bored of me?” even though he might not show it, poor thing needs A LOT and i mean A LOT of reassurance from you, please tell him he’s good enough for you!

“my darling.. are you sure i’m right for you? i mean, you know. i’ve just been.. thinking. you’re not gonna leave, are you.. hm? ‘gonna stay with me, right?”

nsfw.

⊹ BIKER!AVENTURINE absolutely loves having sex while you both take bubble baths, i mean.. it’s essential to have good hygiene, isn’t it? aventurine pumped his fingers within your pussy, circling his thumb over your clit as he licked his lips, nuzzling close against your neck. “mmh.. you like that?” his voice, husky and low as his fingers reached the deepest parts of your cunt, a sharp gasp caught in your throat as he held you firmly against him. watching you struggle to stifle your moans made him feel a combination of pride and surprise. aventurine gripped your waist lightly, offering support and reassurance. "damn, sweetheart.. are my fingers that good?" he murmured, his voice low and steady.

aventurine growled softly, pleasure coursing through him at your reaction. his fingers deeply thrusted in and out of you, feeling your tight walls spasm around his digits. with a lick of his lips, he added another finger within your drenched pussy.. the sound of water splashing against his fingers, his speed rising more and more.. stretching you delicately. "missed this," he groaned, adding more speed to his rhythm. "missed the way your body responds to me, my darling girl..” his eyes locked onto yours, seeing the desire mirrored back at him. he wanted to make you cum, that was his goal for the night.. to hear you scream his name again. the roughness of his fingers grew, the sounds of water splashing against his hand was enough to embarrass you, aeons.. he was going fast alright. “c’mon, sweetheart.. it’s been ages since i made you squirt. mmh.. these fingers are good enough to make you squirt, right?”

⊹ BIKER!AVENTURINE who would eat you out almost all the time, whether it’s on his motorcycle seat while he holds your body, or maybe his table filled with tools, or just a plain old bed. aventurine is willing to eat you out literally anywhere, his tongue piercing made it even better. aventurine savoured every second of this, allowing his senses to be consumed by your intoxicating flavour. your body trembled above him, carefully laid on the seat of his motorcycle as he chuckled against your pussy.. your hands buried in his hair as he delved deeper into your depths. the blonde’s tongue danced expertly, exploring every hidden crevice while his fingers played with your swollen bud. “you taste divine," he murmured against your sex, causing you to arch your back sharply. "just like the finest wine, only better." his words hung heavy in the air between them, fuelling your rising passion.

aventurine attacked your cunt hungrily, devouring your folds with complete vigor. aeons, he was obsessed with your pussy, and your taste. the way your wetness spilled out onto his tongue, mixing with the warm atmosphere surrounding the both of you drove him crazy. his large hands held you firmly against the seat of his motorcycle, hands roamed freely over your body, tweaking one of your nipples roughly while diving deeper inside your drenched pussy. your boyfriend groaned into your folds, feeling your walls tremble around him. “good darling.. such a good girl taking my tongue so well.” “.. ‘turine.. you’re gonna make me fall on here.. j—just eat me out on the desk..” you murmured, wincing when you felt a slap on your pussy. “whoops, sorry angel,” ugh.. this tease. “mm.. no-can-do, sweetheart. i like seeing you like this. just imagine, my cum leaking out of your pussy and right onto my bike.” he licked a single stripe on your cunt, chuckling when he noticed your legs quivering. “oh how fascinating would that be.”

⊹ 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐘

sfw.

⊹ BIKER!SUNDAY who has a habit of grabbing onto your waist, or just snaking his arm around it! i mean, he does this for many reasons.. one, to show you’re taken, and two, mm.. he just feels like it! sunday would do it on random occasions, whether he’s talking with his biker friends, at the cashier, anywhere! he loves grabbing your waist and he makes that very clear, maybe if he’s in the mood.. he’d slide his hand beneath your shirt as well wink wink

sunday glanced at your form, a small smile forming on his face when he saw you examining your surroundings. he snaked an arm around your waist, pulling your body firmly against his.

⊹ BIKER!SUNDAY who’s jealousy is intense. sunday would get angry at you, give you the silent treatment, or just bluntly ignore you if you were found talking and laughing with another guy other than him. he refuses to believe that you can be happy with other guys other than him. he would glare at other people he catches staring at what’s his, he was.. possessive. and whenever you catch sight of it, he would try and manipulate you to thinking he’s doing it for your own good! because all those men that were staring at you were bad! (wow, he’s a bastard) saying this, he’s a huge manipulator.. it can be a handful dating him.

“trust me, my love. can’t you see how those men were staring at you?” his voice was soft, dangerously soft. the malicious glint in his eyes didn’t hide anything. “they’re after you, angel. they’re after what’s mine. i’m only trying to protect you. why are you so doubtful of me, hm? do you not love me anymore? are you perhaps.. bored of me?”

⊹ BIKER!SUNDAY who loves being in control, this can be taken in a sexual or non sexual sense <3 sunday is assertive, and he knows what’s right for you. (most of the time!) he can be a bit controlling at times, but he means no harm! he just wants to keep you safe, promise! sometimes sunday would give you that look whenever you would try n defy him, he means business.. trust me. because of this, he can be cold and stubborn towards you at times without even knowing, geez.. he really needs to work on that.

nsfw.

⊹ BIKER!SUNDAY loves being in control, as i’ve mentioned.. but especially in bed. besides that, he’s so damn mean.. he doesn’t let you cum unless he tells you to, kissing your tears away with his lips. “ah ah ah, darling.. what did i say about cumming?” his eyes devoured your small frame, taking in every curve and angle of your body. sunday couldn't help but feel a surge of dominance and control over you, chuckling lowly. you was his, every fiber of your being was his, and he'd take care of you properly. his thrusts were hard to take in, his size and speed.. aeons. the way his cock slides in so easily had him biting his lip, he’s so mean and strict whenever you both make love, spanking you a few times whenever he sees you dozing off!

his eyes never left yours, even when he would immediately pull out when you were on the verge of orgasming, earning a sweet whine from your lips. “please.. please let me cum! sunday, baby please.. i can’t hold it anymore!” oh, how if only you knew how much he loves it when you beg. “oh baby.. i love it when you beg like that.” sunday groaned deeply from pleasure, landing another smack to your ass.. grinning at the sight of you swirling beneath him, “it only makes me wanna do this more.. it makes me wanna keep you here, stop you from cumming all over my cock. do you want that?” “n—no please.. please let me cum, sunday.. i need it—“ “keep begging, my angel. maybe i’ll let you cum if you keep begging and whining for me. come now, speak up.”

⊹ BIKER!SUNDAY who absolutely loves using vibrators on you whenever you both go out together, it’s amusing to him! (stupid bastard) he would increase it’s speed at random times to catch you off guard.. for his own amusement. listen, you really love your boyfriend but sometimes you just wanna slap that stupid smile off his face. you were casually picking out some candy in the candy aisle, a soft smile on your face before you felt that same old sensation within you.. causing a gasp to leave your pretty lips. “mm.. what are you looking at here, my love?” sunday murmured softly, chuckling at your vulnerable state. “sunday.. lower the speed please..” you begged, aeons! you were stupid to even think he’d decrease it’s speed!

your boyfriend smirked, the vibrator’s speed only grew more by the second as you could feel the wetness of your pussy seep through your panties, filling you with humiliation and embarrassment as you could barely walk, holding your hand over your mouth. “fuck.. sunday please..” you knew begging wasn’t gonna get you anywhere.. you knew you would have to have that stupid thing inside you for hours on end, overstimulating your pussy and entire body while your boyfriend watched and held you with pure amusement. to your bewilderment, there were times where sunday would go as far to fingering you by a nearby alleyway, his hands drenched in your juices. this man.. you wanted to be mad at him but you couldn’t bring yourself to be. sunday’s pretty fingers dug deep into your drenched pussy, knuckles deep while he had that same stupid sadistic smile on his face. “i should put that thing in you more.. look how wet your pussy is. it’s practically drooling for me, angel.”

⊹ 𝐈𝐋 𝐃𝐀𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐆

sfw.

⊹ BIKER!DANHENG who is more of a private relationship typa guy, he prefers to keep his relationships private! despite this, he still shows his love for you in many other ways, it’s easy to say that some people are even surprised he was dating you, because of how reserved he is when it came to personal matters <3 he values his and yours’ privacy, you can trust me on that!

⊹ BIKER!DANHENG who struggles putting on his helmet because of his horns (lol), you find it really cute! whenever he leaves your house, sometimes he takes 10 minutes trying to figure out how to wear a helmet because of his horns. he found this so annoying to the point he probably had a custom helmet made for him and his horns!

you nearly let out a giggle when you gazed at him, struggling to wear his helmet over his head. dan heng’s tail swished against his leg, glancing up at you with a slight frown. “[name], it’s not funny.”

⊹ BIKER!DANHENG who would teach you how to ride a motorcycle so you and him can ride around together, i mean.. you can’t blame him! he doesn’t show it much, but he really does hope to spend more time with you, and he thinks this is effective and efficient! dan heng would guide you through it slowly, keeping his hands on your waist while he helped your practice with the brakes and all you needed to know! to be honest, this was really just an excuse to touch you, but can you blame him? his large hands would brush against your hips, helping you adjust and sit properly, it’s a good thing these things take awhile to learn!

“mhm, i got you.” his thumb rubbed circles on your hips, humming. “you’re a fast learner, [name]. you never fail to surprise me.”

nsfw.

⊹ BIKER!DANHENG who just loves having your pretty mouth wrapped around his cock after an exhausting day of biking all day and night. soft gasps and whimpers left his lips as he showed a completely different side of him that night, full of pure desperation and need. “am i.. doing this right?” your voice was muffled against his dick, sending vibrations to his nerves as his hand was carefully placed atop of your head, body aching for release. “yes.. keep sucking me off like that..” with a grunt, he closed his eyes briefly while savouring the warmth of your tongue tracing circles around the sensitive slit.

"more please, baby..“ dan heng begged, arching his back slightly as your warm, wet tongue caressed the head of his cock, teasing him mercilessly before sliding down its veiny shaft. the sensation was foreign yet familiar, sending waves of pleasure coursing through his body. unable to resist any longer, he reached down, gripping your hair tightly as he thrusts his hips upward, pushing deeper into your waiting mouth.his breathing became heavier, the sound of each labored gasp echoing in the otherwise silent room, punctuated by the sloppy sounds of your mouth working him over. your tongue swirls around the base of his cock, teasing the sensitive area underneath his balls before returning to suck and stroke him feverishly. “you’re so good to me.. s.. so good to me..”

⊹ BIKER!DANHENG who would let you ride him just like how he lets you ride his motorcycles! he just wants to put your pleasure first, really. dan heng’s mind raced as he watched you ride him. he was going to lose it, he knew it very well. the sight of you bouncing on his cock, your pussy coating his cock with pure white juices, the sound of your gasps, and the feeling of your breasts against his chest created a whirlwind of emotions. he watched you struggle to stifle your moans while gripping your waist lightly, offering support and reassurance. "you’re doing great, love. fuck.. take your time and do what feels good," he encouraged, his voice low and steady.

he hoped his presence provided comfort, guiding his precious girlfriend to enjoy the sensations without feeling pressure to perform. their bodies moved in harmony together, lust fuelled by the thrill of victory as dan heng’s breaths grew ragged. his face flushed at the sight of your breasts bouncing, biting his lip at how overwhelming this was.. the sound of skin slapping against each other was all that came through, their moans punctuated the intensity of their shared moment. your hands grabbed everywhere.. his biceps, his chest, and oh.. even his horns. he was absolutely losing it. “sh—shit.. use my cock, use my cock for your own pleasure, beloved.. you’re doing so well..”

@ NEUVISTAR. do not plagiarize, claim my work as your own, translate or share my posts on any platform outside of tumblr.

[rueclfer]

shut up, my moms calling // touya todoroki pt two

a/n: req from one of yall who sent in multiple prompts a lil bit ago!!! hi anon i hope u see this <3 also not to be lazy but i'm gonna piggyback this req off of this touya fic of mine as a pt 2 to save myself the contextualizing.. so read that one too lmao.

also i def got ambitious and FAR from the req but i still hope you enjoyed heh..

"Scoot over, Touya, you're taking up the entire bed." You huff, actively elbowing him in the chest.

"You mean my bed?" He whines. "This is why I never want to share the bed with you. You're a blanket AND pillow hog, and I always get shoved all the way to the edge.

"Get your ass on the floor then." You shove him harder, in which he retaliates by grabbing your wrists.

"I always sleep on the fucking floor. Either you deal with sharing a bed, or you take the floor this time."

"So annoying." You mutter under your breath, wriggling out of his grasp and accepting your defeat.

It was nearly 2am and you two had not seen each other all day, which resulted in him being clingier than usual, of course. Touya would never admit it, but you had him all figured out. Quality time may be his top love language, but when that love-tank is low, he immediately defaults to physical touch, making it nearly impossible for you to get away from him if you really wanted to,

After much adjustments, you two silently settled on a position where your face was pressed against his chest, facing each other with your arms wrapped around one another and legs intertwined.

"Can you breathe?" He mutters against your forehead.

"Mmhm." You sigh against his chest in content. "You're so warm and you don't smell like shit for once."

"Stop talking." He hums, letting himself run his hand through your hair, lightly massaging your scalp.

You could melt at this moment. With your fingers drawing circles on his back paired with his own in your hair, you could feel yourself savoring this moment forever, locking it in your memories.

It had been a couple of weeks since you two exchanged your first kisses at the river, and not a single word about it had been uttered about it since. There was no way to bring it up to him again without feeling awkward, but it had plagued your mind everyday- multiple times a day. If you could slap yourself across the face every time you let the memory fluster you, you would. After all, your friendship continued as if nothing happened.

"Did Fuyumi tell you?" You whisper, looking up to meet his eyes.

"Tell me what?" His eyes remain closed.

"That Keigo kid asked me out the other day."

His eyes pop open and meet yours. All motion stops. He snakes his hand from your scalp to grab your shoulder and leans back to get a better view of your face.

"The fuck? Keigo? The other day?"

You nod your head in response.

"Why the hell did you tell Fuyumi before me?" His eyebrows furrow.

"I don't know! Keep your voice down." You hush. "It was a girl thing." You shrug.

"A girl thing..." He rolls his eyes. "And what did you tell him?"

You nervously fiddle with the back of his shirt, piling it in fistfuls.

"I said I would get back to him about it." You nervously chuckle. "Is that bad? It caught me off guard so I didn't know what to say."

He huffs out a chuckle before closing the space between you two again, moving his hand to your lower back and tracing a finger against the skin exposed by your shirt lifting

"Good. Tell him it's a no next time you see him."

"What? But what if it's a yes?"

"It's not. He's an asshole and an idiot." He yawns into your hairline, and rubs his cheek against your forehead.

You pinch the skin on his waist, bringing his attention back to you. "You don't get to decide that for me, dipshit."

"Never in a million years will he fucking deserve you, Y/N. Fuyumi probably told you the same thing." He returns the pinch, pulling back once again.

He was right. She did in fact tell you the same exact thing.

"Sounds like you're just jealous. What, one kiss and all of the sudden you're in love with me?" You tease. "Can't handle seeing me with another guy?"

You didn't know what you were doing, or how those words slipped off your tongue. You bit your cheeks in regret the moment you felt his body stiffen against yours.

"Jealous? As fucking if. I'm just being a good best friend. Do what you want, but if he breaks your heart then don't come back crying to me."

Just like that, he easily averted the mention of your kiss- which of course annoyed you.

"Fine. Let me actually text him right now. Maybe as my bestest friend ever, you can help me draft it." You feel around under your pillow for your phone.

You open your text chain with Keigo, hovering your thumbs over the keyboard. "Alright let's see." You began reading out loud as you type. "Hey Keigo, thought about it, and I think you're really sweet and so sexy and would love to-"

Before you could continue, Touya slaps the phone out of your hand, letting it hit the ground behind him with a harsh thud.

"Touya!" You scold after a loud gasp of shock.

You shove him hard onto his back, swinging a leg over him in order to reach down and attempt to retrieve your phone from the other side of the bed. You couldn't help but feel a bit of satisfaction from this obvious outburst of jealousy. Maybe in some sense, it validated the thread of tension hanging between you two that he had seemingly been ignoring.

"I knew it, you jealous fuckin-" You start before the bedroom door swings open, causing you to duct down under the covers.

"Touya? Y/N? Are you guys okay in there? I heard someth-" Rei begins, stopping the moment she sees the abandoned floor mattress next to the bed and your silhouette straddling Touya.

"Mom!" Touya whines, nearly shoving you off of him to jump out of bed. "Knock next time, please." He huffs as he bends down to pick up your phone, tossing it on the bed next to you.

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry guys." She covers her mouth in shock.

Rei flips on the light switch and audibly releases a sigh of relief to confirm that you two were indeed still fully clothed.

"Do you guys....have... you know." She begins, stammering over her words. "Are you guys being safe? You know, I don't care what you do as long as you're both safe, okay? Also, please be a little quieter. I know it's a weekend, but everyone is sleeping."

Your eyes widen in horror after grasping onto what she was insinuating. You smash your face into the comforter in embarrassment.

"Rei, I promise you we weren't..." You pop your head up and wave your hands out in denial. "We were just talking and Touya just.." You motion to him. "Tell her, dumbass!" You throw a pillow at him.

"We are not having sex, mom. Y/N's just being stupid." He presses his lips together in a tight line. "But we will use protection if we do. Thanks."

"Oh my god, but we're not going to." You quickly quip in. "I promise we'll keep it down. So sorry for waking you."

You wanted to melt into the floor and disintegrate all together. You shove your face in your hands to hide your humiliation. Your body was hot all over and were suddenly sweating through your pajama shirt.

"Great! Alright then. We'll talk more in the morning." She nervously chuckles. "Goodnight guys, and please keep it down."

The moment the door clicks shut, you turn and slap his shoulder.

"What the fuck?!" You whisper-yell. "But we will use protection if we do? Are you insane? I can never sleep over again, that was so embarrassing." You cry.

"Chill out, it's fine." He laughs, picking up the thrown pillows off of the floor. "Embarrassing yeah, but would you be surprised if I told you that wasn't the first time she tried giving me the talk? About you specifically? At least you don't have to hear that shit."

"About me?!" You exclaim. "Shut the fuck up, no way?"

Touya settles back into bed on his back with his hands behind his head while you sit criss-crossed right next to him, cooling down from the embarrassment.

"Mmhm. Like twice already." He nods his head.

"Does she know that we're not dating or anything?" You cock an eyebrow. "She definitely knows that, right?"

"Well yeah, no shit." He shoots you a sideways glance. "But you don't have to be dating to...do all that."

"What does she say about me?"

"I don't know, of a whole bunch of bullshit I already know?" He begins tapping his fingers on your knee. "Like 'oh, Touya, Y/N's really sweet and we love them, but you have to treat them nice and I know teenage feelings are complicated, but if you really like them and want to ever do anything more, just have really good communication and practice safe sex. Always!"

"Rei has such a way with words." You say through gritted teeth, finally laying down besides him, both now looking up at the glow in the dark stars plastered on the ceiling.

"Yeah, so if you ever wanted to do another 'science experiment,' she got us condoms. It's in the first drawer on the nightstand next to you."

Your jaw drops and you slap a hand over to cover your gaping mouth. The heat returns to your face.

"She did not." You choke out, snapping your head towards him.

"She did." He chuckles. "I told her you literally just got your first kiss and didn't think you would need them anytime soon, but ya know she likes to be careful I guess."

"Wait, you told her we kissed?"

You scooted closer to Touya, now looking at him on your side while he remained on his back looking upwards.

"Mom-senses are kinda scary. When you left the next day, she said we were acting weird and grilled it outta me." He shrugs. "I was honest. Guess that's what triggered this safe sex bullshit."

"God dammit, Touya. So she 100% thinks we're together." You press your lips together.

"You act like that's the worst thing in the world." He shoots you a side glance. You said nothing.

Since that night, you often thought about the possibility of being "more than friends" with Touya, but you couldn't help but shake off the lingering thought that maybe the "science experiment" of a kiss was all that it was for him- nothing but an experiment. You weren't too sure what to do with the possibility that it was something more meaningful for you in that case.

"Anyways, she probably has her own thoughts and opinions, but I told her we're not."

"I see." You mutter. "What are your thoughts and opinions?"

"About... being together? Like that?" He glances over to you.

"Keigo asking me out, the kiss, and your mom thinking we're together and stuff, everything in between."

You watch his face carefully as he takes a second to think about his answers. You see the gears turning in his head, but not quite sure what would come out of his mouth.

"You first." He quickly spits out.

You deadpan. "You know what? Nevermind. Goodnight, dipshit." You turn around, facing away from him and pull the covers up to your chin.

"Okay okay okay, come back. I'll spill my heart out for you if that's what you really wanna hear at 2am right now." You could hear the annoyance in his voice, bringing a smile back to your face.

You cheerily turn back around to see him back on his side, facing you now.

"Perfect. Go on." You say, shoving your leg in between his own.

"So Keigo." He starts.

"Mmhm."

"Annoys the living shit out of me. Genuinely. And I'd hate to see you waste your time on that sorry motherfucker, but if you actually do like him, which I don't see how, do what you want. I come first though, don't forget it. Best friend priorities."

"See, I knew you were jealous." You smile. "I don't think I was considering it anyways, but nice to hear your big boy thoughts about it, you cutiepie."

"That's what I thought. Why the fuck would you need him when you have me?" He smirks.

You roll your eyes. "Okay, now tell me how you feel about your mom thinking we're bonking."

"Idiot." He chuckles. "I don't really give a fuck about what she thinks? We got free condoms- use them, don't use them, take some for Keigo if you ever wanted to do some charity work, I don't care, but she can think what she wants to think."

"What about your thoughts on us being together?" You mutter. "Like hypothetically just to humor her suspicions."

He stops and stares at you for a second, biting his bottom lip as he thinks.

"Uh. Let me get back to you about that one."

You wave it off. "Okay fine, so then the kiss."

"I want you to go first for that, and you can't get mad at me because the kiss was for you... mostly."

You hesitated for a moment, sighing in place of an answer. You weren't quite sure how much, if any, information to reveal about your true feelings about it all. "The kiss... was... definitely a kiss?" You breathe out awkwardly "It was nice. Really nice. And I enjoyed it."

"Okay. Ditto and ditto." He nods, motioning for you to continue.

"And I don't necessarily know what this means, but I think about it a lot. Like. A lot." You emphasize. "I don't know, maybe it means nothing."

"Okay...so you wanna do it again?"

It seemed like your brain short circuited for a moment.

"Hah?" You blink.

"Well, I think about it a lot too. And I also don't really know what that means or how to feel about it, so maybe... we can do it for science again...a 2.0?" You hear the hesitation in his voice.

"Like do it again to confirm our final thoughts?" You furrow your eyebrows.

"Yup."

"I see."

"Only if you want. I don't really care either way. Up to you." He quips. "I just.. am confused."

You roll your eyes. "Don't even try to act so nonchalant when you're the one asking for me to kiss your stupid ass again. You want me so bad." You joke to alleviate the thick fog of tension filling the room.

"Yeah, want you to shut the fuck up." He mutters in an annoyed tone. "Yes or no."

"Yes, fine." You squeak out, tensing when his hand meets your cheek. "I guess it would be good.. for science."

"Okay cool." He huffs. "Relax." He says under his breath, pulling you in closer to him. "We know what we're doing now, don't we?"

You reciprocate his movements, letting your hand rest against the side of his face, swiping your thumb back and forth on the skin under his eye.

"I'm nervous." You whisper, glancing back and forth between his lips and eyes.

The tip of your noses were grazing each other's, and lips just mere inches from meeting.

"Still? Well don't be. It's just me." He lightly rubs his nose against your own, eyes glued on your lips, and occasionally glances back up to meet your eyes. "And we've done this before, remember?"

He stares at you through a beat of silence and drags a thumb across your bottom lip. "Don't freak out."

He closes the gap between you two before you could respond, instantly melting under his touch.

Compared to your first kiss together, this one felt hotter, needier, and more desperate from the way he pulled you even closer to his body by the waist and locked your legs in between his own, as if you were in for the devouring.

You were tense, but feeling his hand tenderly cup your cheek made you feel a bit more secure, letting yourself lean deeper into the kiss.

Chills ran up your spine the moment his other hand met the exposed skin lower back, playing with the hem of your tee shirt.

"Is that okay?" He asks against your lips, letting his fingers start to crawl up under the fabric.

You nod your head in silence as your stomach erupts in flutters and flames, heightening every sensation of him exploring your bare skin.

"This is where you're the most ticklish." He smiles against your lips, moving his hand up the curve of your waist.

"This is where I kicked you on the swing set when we were 13." Rubbing the soft space between your shoulder blades, pecking your lips in between words. "Sorry, by the way."

"I forgive you." Your breath out a laugh before pressing your lips back to his.

"And you have a freckle right here." He grips the space where your spine meets your neck.

"How do you know that?"

"I'm observant."

Your own hand makes its way to the back of his head from his cheek. Your fingers become entangled with the hair on the nape of his neck, lightly twirling a lock between your pointer and thumb. You tug on the silvery locks, gifting you a throaty, hungry groan from him.

You snap back in shock, meeting his own set of wide eyes.

"Okay let's stop there." He coughs, snaking his arm back from under your shirt and turning on his back to dart his eyes away from your own.

You slap a hand over your mouth to muffle your nervous laughter after you ground yourself back to reality.

"Shut up." He sheepishly rubs the back of his neck.

"Sorry. That good, huh?"

"No shit." He huffs, a hint of a smile on his lips. "Anyways, back to the point, horn-dog." He faces you.

You were lucky the only source of light was the haze of moonlight shining through the window on the other side of the room. If there was any more light, you were sure he would be able to see your embarrassingly flushed face.

"Right, the point." You cough. "So... thoughts?"

"You want me to be real with you?"

"Duh."

"I don't know who you've been practicing on for these past couple of weeks, but that was good. So much better than the first time- not saying you did a shit job, but yeah a lot better."

You blush at the half-assed compliment and bring your hand up to his forehead to flick him right between the eyes. "The other thoughts, dumbass. How do you feel?"

"I'm not sure if I want to say...yet." He continues, gauging your reaction.

"What?" You groan. "You said you'd be real with me."

"Well, what do you think I'll say? Or hoping?" He cocks an eyebrow.

That it feels real. That you want me as much as I want you. That this won't change anything between us. That this isn't a science experiment. That you're in love with me.

"I don't know." You shrug. "I guess I just want to know if I could ever be relationship material? Like after the kiss and knowing me, am I hopeless or what?"

"That's why you asked about us hypothetically being together?"

"Uh, yes?" You bit down on your bottom lip.

"Oh." He mumbled, shifting awkwardly.

A beat of silence passes while he thinks for a moment.

"I think that Keigo might be the smartest fucker out there right now. It pains me to see you act like a lovesick puppy for people who don't see how cool and great and how much of a catch you are and I'm sorry that Keigo just so happens to be someone that does." He sighs.

"Actually, scratch that." He continues. "I'm the smartest fucker out there. I've been known how fucking great you are." He laughs. "Yeah fuck Keigo. He's has good taste, but fuck him because I've been doing it first."

You chuckle a bit, your heart swelling at the turn-around of a compliment. "Yeah, but at least he likes me-like me. Enough to ask me out."

Touya goes quiet, lips pressed together in a tight line.

"Well to answer your question fully, I think my mom is onto something."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Like if I could've been better at communication, then we would've been together a long time ago."

"As in..." You start, waiting for him to continue as the air is sucked out of your lungs.

"As in, I like you-like you."

"You like me-like me... as in have feelings for me?" You draw out, staring at him in shock.

He nods in response.

"Since the first time we kissed?"

"Since the first time we met, actually."

Your mouth gapes open with no words coming out, digesting this sudden confession.

"You're fucking with me right now?" You whisper, clutching onto fistfuls of the comforter.

"I wish, but I'm not." He sighs, reaching a finger up to push a stray hair behind your ear. "I wasn't going to say anything, but you're such a dumbass who always talks down on yourself and it makes me sick. You have to know that there is at least one person in this world who would burn everything else down if it was your happiness on the line. I really fucking like you and I'd rather die than let that ruin our friendship, okay?"

In this moment, both of you were holding your own breaths, not quite sure if any sudden movement might burst this moment between you. Touya inherently knew it was time to tell you how he felt and that he couldn't go the rest of his life scaring away potential lovers while being terrified to claim the position himself. You, on the other hand, agreed that if anything did jeopardize your relationship with him, you wouldn't forgive yourself.

"I'm scared. I don't want to ruin our friendship either." You choke out with tears beginning to flood your eyes, causing his own to widen in panic.

"Hey whoa, what are you crying for?" He scoots in closer to you, holding you against his chest. "Seriously Y/N, I tell you I like you, and you start crying? God, just call me a piece of shit already." He chuckles, wrapping his arm around you.

"It's not that." You muffled into his now tear stained shirt. "It's that I like you too and I don't know what to do about it, but I don't want to ruin us or risk anything that will."

He takes a sharp intake of air, and continues to rub circles against your back.

"Well, I'll have you as much as you'll give me. Don't worry about it, okay? I love you- as my closest friend, favorite human being, my other half. All of it."

"What do we do?" You whisper, looking up at him.

"Uhh...sleep and talk about it tomorrow? Sit on it?"

"You think I can fucking sleep now?" You whine. "What's wrong with you?"

"You're cute." He smiles, moving his hand from your back to your cheek, rubbing away the dampness of the tears. "Alright then you tell me, what do we do? The ball is in your court."

"What would it look like if we started dating?" You asked.

"Exactly this? More kissing? Putting those condoms to use?"

You slap his shoulder. "Fucking idiot."

"Okay. Then, what if we don't start dating?" You huff, your face burning now.

"Same thing maybe? Less kissing? Condoms collecting dust?" He shrugs. "I guess I'll keep taking the floor for sleepovers?"

"You're not going to try to go out with anyone else?"

"I'll just wait for you."

You pout at the simple tenderness of his answer. You wanted to stay like this forever- close to him, the warmth of his body radiating into your own, your hands all over each other. You knew that it was possible too. To stay here.

"I think, maybe we can do it." You finalize. "Or try to, at least."

"Really?" He tips your chin upwards to meet his surprised eyes. "You really want to try?"

"I do. I'm scared, and I think you are too so if we put our fears together, we can't fuck this up, right?" You nervously joke. "For the sake of Rei too. Let's prove her right."

He leans down and presses a kiss on your forehead, simultaneously reaching over to your hand and locking his pinky in with yours, solidifying an unspoken promise to one another.

I love you. You're my best friend. You're my other half. We'll always try.

[inf3ct3dd]

ellie headcanons pt 4.!

warnings: literally nothing

content: loser!ellie x reader

authors note: brewing a full length fic in my mind rn… this might be the last hc post 😓!!!

pt.3. taglist!

- loves matching with you. keychains, shoes, outfits, literally anything. if you have dyed hair, she’d dye a piece of hers to match you.

- makes up elaborate plots to kiss you bc she’s too cool and nonchalant to ask for a kiss 😕😕

“ugh, my lips are just sooooo dry…”

“didnt you literally just put chapstick on 5 minutes ago?”

“yknow chapstick these days…so…low quality.”

“is this your weird way of asking me to kiss you?”

“noooo what!!! thats craaaaazy i have nooo idea what you’re talking about!!!”

smooch

“you’re so stupid.”

“i feel sooooo moisturized right now”

- always fidgeting with something. probably has a rubix cube keychain 😕🔥🔥

- speaking of, she has an excessive amount of keychains. like so many.

- covers her eyes and peaks through her fingers every time you change infront of her

- definitely audibly said “woah” when she saw ur boobs for the first time

- has so many dumb socks. dinosaurs, minecraft, pickles, literally anything she likes she has a pair of socks for

- scarily good at roblox obbies. you literally can’t play with her because she’ll be done in like 5 minutes 😞

- loves those papas cooking games. her faves are the taco mia one and the sushi-ria

- arizona green tea 🗣️🗣️

- will put on awful accents for hours on end just for fun 😞 esp the italian accent. it’s ridiculous 💔💔 or that frat dude accent

“suhhh dude”

- definitely built her own pc. put a picture of you in it too ☹️☹️

- calls you “dude” or “bro” on accident sometimes

- absolutely constantly argues w ppl on the internet. if she gets bored she just tells them to kts and blocks them 😕

- MAKES THE BEST PASTA EVER!!! it’s literally her favorite food and she’s constantly cooking it. even makes her own sauce 🔥🔥

- tries to do tricks while she’s smoking and just ends up a coughing mess

- her default pose in every picture is just her doing a thumbs up and looking at the camera like this 😐 but whenever she takes a picture with you she is absolutely CHEESING

- randomly takes 0.5 pictures of you constantly. has a whole album in her phone of all the pictures

- barely ever uses instagram, and all her posts are just pictures of you.

- “i could take a bear in a fight.”

- loves balancing things on your head when you fall asleep around her. one time you woke up to like 20 cheerios falling on your lap

- whenever she’s home alone she puts on insanely random outfits and then forgets she’s wearing them. one time you came home to her sleeping on the couch in a full suit

- lets you stand on the cart in the grocery store so she can stand behind you and push it around

- has had the same backpack since the 5th grade. she’s had to sow it back together 20 times and she refuses to throw it away because its “special”

- stalks all your reposts on tiktok when she’s bored

“was this about me???”

- absolutely disgusted by like…any type of canned food. she will not go near it. ESPECIALLY SARDINES

- makes a million typos every time she texts you. her messages are like ancient scrolls you have to decipher to read

“sre tou comungw over todqy ??”

- every time she wears a hat she wears it backwards

- hates sharing her food, but will constantly eat yours

“just a little bite!!!” and she eats like half of it 😒

- has the julien baker rainbow guitar strap

- literally loves apples. so much. apple juice, apple pie, apple cider, literally ANYTHING that has apples in it/ is apple flavored she will DEVOUR IT

- whenever she cooks for herself, she just eats it straight out of the pot/pan.

“whats the point?? ‘s just more dishes to wash 😒”

taglist: if ur name is crossed, i cant tag u :((

@princessguardian444 @mina-281 @leatheredhearts @r3wbeef @dinaissoprettyoml @forelliesposts @lov3lylotus @melissabarrerass @greencacty @as2rid @kingofmylastkiss @dollietes @ellieslilsIvvt @pl9ys @bbygrlshelbs @gayh0rr0r @sawaagyapong @paran0id0blivi0n @bubs-world @mag-mfm @bearieio @slutshies @horror-whoree @calystas-morning-tea @ilovaffles @fr3sh-tragedies @iloveeyousblog @maris-koffin @emonopolyman @elliesgflol @girlwonderchloe @brunettedolls-blog @beestar120 @ddreabea @ibloom4u @elliesmellsbad @thecowardwrites @owmoiralover @yuyans-stuff @minixmel @ellesslutt @swtsuna @saggykneecaps @4rt3m1ss @clouded-whispers @baldph0bic @elleatethat @certifedcrybunny @staxz8 @astridnyx31 @0rb1t-s4turn @amandla111 @kalia31 @spinnyshark @cewcumbers @urnewghostfriend @dinasmoon @teeveegirl @iwantsoda @lunascerebro @matildalee @rach-0000 @er-or101 @our-horse @armins1ut @syrenada @seventeenelliesgf @jellysangelstar @f3r4lfr0gg3r @ilovelyby @people0know @sapphicsstars @hi2647 @mousymaven @echostinn @bratydoll

[etirabys]

meandering post about reading Orson Scott Card again

I've been offline starting at 9pm every day (except once. I was drunk at karaoke and asked for anons at 8:30pm) for six weeks, with the result that in befuddled boredom two nights ago I picked up Orson Scott Card's Songmaster from the house bookshelf.

I read Ender's Game and three sequels when I was a teen thought the books were mid. Since those are OSC's best works I assumed he had nothing more interesting to offer me and didn't try more of him for fifteen years, but Songmaster was compelling enough that I immediately afterwards picked up The Memory of Earth, the first book of a pentalogy.

TMoE is extremely my jam: after humanity blows itself up on Earth, AIs monitor thriving human civilizations in the planets that survivors managed to escape to, and suppress any tech that enables large scale violence by exerting low key mind control via satellites. But forty million years pass, many of the satellites break down, and the AI needs help from humans to restore capabilities. Because as its control wanes, people are starting to e.g. conceive of airplanes or bombs again, and override the injunctions against entering military alliances more than two edges of connection away.

The AI is worshipped as a god all over the planet, but the fourteen year old protagonist that becomes one of the AI's agents tells the AI from the beginning that he'll break with it if its morality seems wrong to him. I like the fourteen year old – unlike Ender or Songmaster's protagonist (adult minds piloting ten year old bodies), he's a normal gifted kid who's unpopular 50% due to his ego and big mouth and 50% because he's socially inept and offends people even when he's trying to be nice.

Songmaster is also partly about a permanent solution to large-scale violence, albeit through one guy who establishes a monopoly on violence and sweeps in pax galactica. Both it and TMoE are preoccupied with the eradication of suffering from evil / human violence, which is closer to my resonant frequency than narratives about defeating particular people or ideologies. At the moment I can't think of any other book with such an insistent focus on the matter than T.H. White's The Once and Future King. It's hard to make a compelling story out of, and I don't think Songmaster really succeeds, but TMoE's premise is well suited to explore that. (I'm also enjoying the matriarchal culture where everyone is expected to have multiple serial-monogamous marriages.) After reading 70% of TMoE last night I wrote:

Usually when I read fiction there's a small part of me going, how can I use this as fodder for my own growth, how can I remix or improve or react against this, how do the author and I measure against each other? (If the quality and content are at an anti-sweet spot, the small part becomes quite large and I feel all teeth towards the author.) But on occasion I read something so close that the absence of that measuring-feeling is its own sensation – ego departs, or at least is split across two bodies. There's just amity and recognition

And it's pretty interesting to feel this way about Card for, well, the reasons.

(If you're familiar with Card drama none of the following will be new to you; I'm coming to it fresh so the rest of this post is me going "uh... wow")

I vaguely knew he was a homophobic Mormon who'd gotten into fights about gay stuff, but I couldn't tell from the Ender books I read. But in Songmaster his issues spring off the page in such a weird way. Every fifth Goodreads review of this book is "Card, u gay?" because, well,

(One review, possibly from a fellow Mormon, that went "Card, it's so sinful of you to be this gay in your novel". Why did he write this book that would predictably make everyone mad...)

it's full of gay male desire. The protagonist (Ansset) is approximately a castrato and characters notice him sexually a lot. The first and only time Ansset has sex it's with a Kinsey 4-5 male character he loves, who's married to a woman but has fallen in love with Ansset. It turns out the drugs Ansset took to prolong his singing career painfully and only-kinda-figuratively explode your balls when you have your first orgasm and you'll never feel sexual desire again. (You'd think his loving teachers would have warned him of that, but, whatever, they didn't.) The other guy is literally castrated in punishment for inadvertently torturing a highly valuable castrato. It's pretty bald: GAY SEX IS ALMOST IRRESISTIBLY TEMPTING BUT YOU SHOULDN'T DO IT.

(Sidenote: both Ansset and the guy's wife are very close and have a "there's enough love to go around" attitude about the gay sex initially, before they go "wait Josif is a SERIAL MONOGAMIST... he can only love one person at a time... the moment he had the gay sex his marriage was destroyed". It's funny in a mildly stupid way that Card would set up this parable of homosexuality destroying lives and a marriage but almost everyone involved is peacefully ready to sail into an open marriage. I guess it makes sense if you want to say very clearly that THE GAY PART IS THE BAD PART)

which is fascinating to me, because... why would you tell on yourself like that

(81k also told me secondhand of an essay? interview? where Card openly says "we have to stand against legalizing gay marriage because everyone will get gay married and society will collapse", so that's informing my read of Songmaster as well)

I am pretty dang open about my personal life online but if I had a lot of feelings I thought were disgusting and immoral I would not write a novel dripping with those feelings before pointedly castrating the leads for them. Especially if it wasn't relevant to the actually highbrow themes of (checks notes) winning over your adversaries with kindness and never relinquishing your monopoly on violence. I would be so so so so embarrassed to let this go to print, it's so psychologically transparent, what was he thinking

(Well, I assume he's a very different person with different social incentives. For all I know, people in his church went "hey Orson we read your book and it's clear that you're gay but signaling strongly that you won't give into the gay feelings, we're here for you, it was really brave of you to publish this".)

[mncxbe]

OMG OMG, what about, Bsd characters(pls include jouno, I'm starved of content from him) with a drunk s/o, that is all like "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend, don't touch me(or sth else, but u get the gist-)" ALSO if you don't want to do this, don't. <<<:

Ok I love the idea. I tried to make it as silly as possible hope you like it♡♡

Note: I have some Ango content for tomorrow👀

°☆○

Strawberry Daiquiri

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊, 𝑱𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒐, 𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: silly/ fluff♡

𝑱𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒐

starting off with our blind king; let's assume that you're so drunk you don't recognize him

he's amused by your act at first, but the longer you keep it up the more frustrated he gets

he does find it cute that you're so loyal to him tho; also worried that you're so drunk

surely teases you about it the next day

Although he may not seem like it, Jouno was a supportive boyfriend; your unyielding determination was his favourite quality. He didn't see any problem with it until one day you decided to beat Fukuchi in a drinking competition.

"I'm telling you Sai. I got this" you said as you walked into the captain's office with a handful of bottles of sake.

Your boyfriend only rolled his eyes and went back to his business. He returned three hours later when he finally managed to finish the last of his reports. Knocking at the mahogany door he gently pushed it open, stepping inside the room.

"Captain" he saluted with a small bow and Fukuchi waved at him, utterly unaware that the man couldn't see it.

Just then, your voice echoed through the room; a high pitched groan.

"Naah captain I'm sure I'll beat you. Pour more for me." Your words were slurred and Jouno could sense your hightened body temperature, a sign of clear intoxication.

Fukuchi chuckled, filling your cup again.

"You think you can take it? You look quite plastered to me"

"I'm not done 'till you are."

A smile rose to Jouno's lips as he caught the hint of resolve in your voice, but he knew by your fast heartbeat that you should probably stop drinking soon. He walked to your side, gently seizing your forearm.

"Let's go home Y/N. I think you've had enough to drink tonight"

"Huh? Fuck off dude I have a boyfriend." you said nonchalantly, yanking your arm away.

For a brief moment Jouno was baffled, hand frozen in mid air as he watched you down another glass; but then he snapped back to reality.

"Hey Y/N look at me." he said playfully, seizing your chin to make you look up to him. "It's me, Sai"

"Sai..." you contemplated, his name rolling off your lips in a low hum "Ah Sai"

From across the table Fukuchi let out a low chuckle. "Take her home, Jouno. She's drunk"

"No I'm not. I ain't stopping 'till I get you... uh..-till you give up" you mumbled, causing Jouno to sigh.

"We're out of alcohol Y/N" added Fukuchi, dangling the last empty bottle before your eyes.

"Please dear let's go home" Jouno cooed, his fingers gently intertwining with yours and you eventually got up, holding on to the back of your chair for support.

"I consider this this a draw, captain" you said sluggishly and Fukuchi nodded.

"Goodnight to you two"

With that, Jouno snaked an arm around your waist and walked with you out of the office, down the halls of the Hunting Dogs's headquarters and on to the crowded street. He raised a hand to hail a cab and as soon as the yellow vehicle pulled over, your boyfriend opened the backseat door and placed you inside; then joined you in the backseat.

Jouno gave the driver your address and the car drove off towards your apartment.

"Are you feeling ok darling?" he asked in a concerned voice and you nodded, scooting closer to him.

"Yea I am..." After a moment of silence you added in the same slurred, giddy tone. "Say, are you really my boyfriend? You're handsome."

Jouno blushed furiously at your words, his lips curling into a sly smile. "You bet I am pretty girl."

The lights of the city came and went in blurry waves, causing your head to ache. You leaned your head on the crook of Jouno's neck, shielding your vision. He only chuckled, placing one of his hands on top of your head.

"Go sleep darling. I'll wake you up at home"

You mumbled a mhm before closing your eyes and, drunk on love and sake, drifted into a deep slumber.

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊

such a tease; will make fun of you about it tomorrow if you don't recognize him

he's a smooth operator

he's all like: "Aww sure my sweet lady. How about you tell me more about that boyfriend of yours then?" and just sits there listening to you praise him

probably carries you home and puts you to bed after

It was Yosano's birthday and she decided to take the Agency members out for a drink at a local pub. The place was cozy, dimly lit; low, wooden tables lining the sides of the room. Peach Pit's "Alrighty Aphrodite" sounded through the speakers in the corner of the room.

Not only three hours in you were plastered, body hunched over as you rested your arms on your table. Seeing your state, Dazai made his way to your side and took a seat next to you.

"Everything alright bella?" he hummed cheerfully, causing you to moan.

"Ah shut up. My head hurts." you whined, holding your head between the palms of your hand. "And just so you know I already have someone so... [you hiccup] just let me be."

"Oh I see" Dazai chuckled, placing his drink on the table. "Why don't you tell me more about that boyfriend of yours then."

Only then you raised your head, eyes half lidded as a tender smile rose to your lips. "My 'samu is such a darling. So handsome and smart. He gives the best hugs you know?"

You casually wrapped your arms around your own body, demonstrating your words. "Just like this. And he's so handsome and... he's caring. I love him lots ya know?" you went on.

Dazai chuckled upon hearing your words. "Is that so?"

"Yea. And- Hold on mind if I just?" you asked, leaning your aching head on his shoulder "Mm this is better. Anyway, 'samu's the one for me. I just know it. Did you ever feel this way about someone?"

"I did. I do, in fact." he replied, taking in your sleepy features: your cheeks were flushed, nostrils slightly flaring as you steadily breathed in and out, lashes fluttering shut.

"That's nice then" was all you said before dozzing off on his shoulder.

Your boyfriend smiled again and placed a chaste kiss on the crown of your head.

"I love you too, bella" he said in a hushed voice before downing the rest of his drink, the golden liquid warming up his insides just like you did with his heart and soul. [so cheesy of me nah]

𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂

poor baby is so confused at first

he frowns so much

if you do end up recognizing him and get all giddy and affectionate he's gonna blush so much omg

probably asks you not to get drunk again cuz he's lowkey scared you'll get brain damage

"Piss off. I have a boyfriend" you said with a blank expression as you brushed his hand away from your shoulder, swaying your hips towards the bar.

Akutagawa was left speechless, utterly confounded by your sudden actions. 'What the...' he thought, walking right after you. The roaring music in the bar made it impossible for you to hear him calling out your name.

"Hey Y/N. Cut it out will you" he hissed, seizing your wrist.

"Let go of me" you pleaded, trying to free yourself but ended up stumbling backwards. If it weren't for Rashōmon you would've fallen flat on the hard floor of the bar; the black tendrils wrapped around your waist, bringing you back to your feet.

After you managed to regain your composure your glassy eyes met his, gazes locked in a drunk daze. Then a sign of recognition flashed in your eyes and your lips curled into a soft smile.

"Aww Ryuu baby" you giggled, arms wrapping around his neck as you pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm quite drunk baby"

"I can see that..." he stammered, trying to hide the rosy blush that bloomed on his cheeks upon hearing your endearment. "Want me to take you home?"

"Yea I'd like that sweetie" you continued in the same slurred voice. You pulled away from him a bit but your faces were still mere inches apart, a giddy smirk on your lips; fingers toying with the tufts of his hair.

Just when Akutagawa was about to walk towards the exit your lips found his and you pulled your body flush against his. The kiss was sloppy and warm, the taste of alcohol on your sugary lips causing your boyfriend to moan lightly. His hands came to rest on your hips, pulling you closer to him.

After a few moments he gently pushed you away. His face was red as a tomato.

"Come on Y/N. Let's go home"

"But I wanna kiss you mooore" you pouted and attempted to kiss him again but he leaned slightly back, chuckling.

"How about you kiss me at home? I'll let you kiss me all you want." he said awkwardly but it wad enough for you to take a step back.

You grabbed his wrist and marched through boisterous crown and towards the back exit of the bar where you car was parked.

"We better hurry then" you added playfully, voice muffled by the sounds around you.

[tartigglez]

"mess with you?"

zhongli x f!reader (gn!reader until bonus section!)

・❥・slice of life/fluff

・❥・1.5k

・❥・HAPPY FRICKIN BIRTHDAY CELESTE!!!!!! MY FAV ZHONGLI KISSER! i hope this is an adequate gift, and i intended to make this much longer however if i did it would be like 2 weeks more late LMAO. i hope u had the most fabtabulous day ever, now everyone go check out @thesparklingwriter because she can write this man 8000000x better than me lollllll

・❥・SUGGESTIVE. VERY. dragon!li (bc celeste loves dragonli and i will push the agenda bc yes), physical touch, zhongli is the little spoon somehow, kisses, zhongli is a france-boo, you guys eat together, zhong is lowkey just nakedly vibin for a bit of this lol sorry, also if it doesn't make sense: xiao can't see windows cuz he's in bird form (they do that i swear)

waking up is never an easy feat, but being around him makes it a whole lot easier. on this particular morning however, you wake up rather annoyed, frustrated over the quality of the last portion of your slumber. yet opening your eyes would reveal that a small portion of golden-brown hair is rested upon the tip of your nose, lightly tickling it. so, this was the reason for your lack of quality sleep. 

even still, he is a sight to behold. such a graceful creature, large, scale-clad arms, shimmering horns and long, elegant tail meeting your eyes as he slumbered, quiet snores –which were closer to purrs– coming from somewhere in his chest, all whilst he’s curled up in a foetal position, your arm draped over his waist.

you assume he is soundly sleeping, moving slightly closer to him to nuzzle into his neck, this however would prove false, as his chest rises, a low pitched, loud yawn filling the room, practically bouncing off the walls.

“good morning, dear” he grumbles, voice lower than normal. you giggle as he turns to face you, stretching his limbs as he yawns once more. golden horns slowly begin to retract and he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you close to him before beginning to press gentle kisses against the skin of your neck. the ticklish sensation makes you laugh again, throwing your head back slightly to allow room for his in the crook of your neck.

“already? we just woke up!” you wheeze, rolling away from him as you turn your back to him. this would prove pointless though, because he immediately scooches to your side of the bed, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his head comfortably into the back of your neck.

“what are you implying? i merely wished to kiss you!” he says, but the playful tone in his voice tells you this question is rhetorical, and he knows full well what you were insinuating.

“you’re squishing me silly,” you whine, grabbing on to his hands, which met fair in the middle of your stomach. “you’re like a koala, but even then they wouldn’t have the strength to squash me like this” 

“are you calling me a koala? should i be offended?” he grumbles against the back of your neck, nuzzling even further into it, somehow.

“no, i’m calling you a brute” you chuckle, wriggling a little, trying to loosen his grip.

“i will have you know, “brute” is a compliment in dragon culture” he scoffed, loosening his grip a little.

“maybe i meant it as a compliment then” you mumble, turning back to him to peck his lips, snuggling up to him once again. 

“hm, i’m sure you did” he chuckles, “anyway, what time is it?” 

“i have no clue, let me check my phone” you let out a content sigh, grabbing your phone from the bedside, “ten thirty-ish. what does it matter anyway, we can lay around for a bit, no?” you question, eyes closing as you lean in to him. 

“have you forgotten, dear?” he whispers, hand making its way to your hip, thumb and index finger fiddling with the hem of your pyjama top, “check the date again”

upon staring at the glorious digits on your phone screen, you abruptly pull away from him, raising yourself up on one arm and grinning excitedly. “date day?” you question, voice high and squeaky compared to your normal tone.

its a tradition between you and zhongli that once a month, you would make time for a day with each other, no matter the situation. simply a day to exist in one another's presence. together you came up with the philosophy that it doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as you’re with each other. 

“it is indeed “date day”, as you say” he laughs, “so, tell me. what would you like to do today, my lily?”, the question rolls off his lips like music as he too sits up, blanket moving to just cover his hips, barely. 

“anything,” you giggle, “as long as you’re there i don’t mind”. you step out of the bed, slipping on a pair of sweatpants and running to his side of the bed. “c’mon,” you laugh, grabbing his large hand by a couple of fingers, “lets get movin’ zhong!” 

“can you at least hand me some underwear, please?” he asks, laughing when your face morphs from pure joy to looking like you’ve seen a ghost. you oblige quietly though, moving to one of the dresser drawers, pulling out some boxers and giving them to him, albeit a little flustered. 

“what is it, my dear? you don’t remember last night?” he chuckles. its amusing how he is so nonchalant about such affairs with you, however if he were with anyone else, the topic would never even be thought about. 

“n-no, no i do, but how am i wearin-”

“i figured it would be only right of me to put them back on you. you were awake, but apparently so far gone don’t remember,” he laughs, acting calm about it when in reality his ears are turning a little red.

“rex lapis!” you exclaim, “don’t be so lewd!” you push his shoulder a little in a teasing manner, but he quite literally does not move a millimetre.  

“aha, i apologise my dear, your reactions are simply quite amusing, is all” he claims. putting the boxers on under the duvet before standing up in front of you, toned body catching your eye as one his gold-threaded arms makes its way towards yours, long fingers intertwining with yours. “shall we?”

“put a robe on at least! the neighbours might see you!” you giggle, dragging him in the direction of the closet, before throwing a silk robe his way. he looks so very eloquent as he puts it on, fine fabric smoothing over his skin, and his honey eyes look up at you when he’s done, walking towards your bedroom door, ready to go downstairs. 

zhongli is a surprisingly good cook, but that’s not relevant at all right now, because the first thing he does when he gets to the kitchen is boil the kettle and get out two plates, placing a large croissant on each one. 

you rub your eyes a little as you sit down at the table, staring at the all-butter pastries which seemed to make some sort of miraculous apparition in your home.

“where the heck did you get those croissants?” you ask, folding your arms at the table and plopping your chin on to them.

“i teleported to fontaine for them last night”

“last night?”

“yes, last night.”

“zhong…”

“mmm?”

“you were naked all of last night.”

“before that!” he laughs, “more like yesterday evening actually, i apologise for misspeaking” 

“you should be sorry! why did you go all the way to fontaine for croissants anyway? the ones in liyue are fine” you question, voice muffled by the sleeves of your pyjama top. 

“nothing beats authenticity, hm? what is it they say in fontaine, oui oui?”

“i’m not sure any person from fontaine has ever said that,” you cackle, as he sets down one of the plates in front of you, along with a cup of the tea he was just brewing. “thanks for the food anyway, can’t believe you went all the way to fontaine just for a couple of croissants”

“not a problem dear, if it’s for you i would do it every day” he speaks, tearing off a part of his croissant before -rather animatedly- swallowing it whole.

“dragons eat so weirdly” you laugh, chewing away at your own food.

“we don’t always eat like that, you realise?” 

“i know,” you giggle “i’m messing with you”

“you’re lucky, you’re the only person who has ever been allowed to mess with me”

“i’m grateful for that, y’know”

“i know, but now isn’t the time for philosophical conversations, let us just enjoy each others company today.”

“sounds good to me!”

“i’m never letting you go shopping again! seriously, how do we have three new colours of  eyeliner, six new vases and an entire pet bird”

“adeptus xiao does not count as a pet bird”

“are you sure about her, rex lapis? she has no respect for the adepti”

“calm, alatus. this is her form of humour. i would appreciate if you do not criticise her.”

“my apologies, i did not intend to offend you, i will take my leave now”

“XIAO THAT WINDOW ISN'T OPEN”

“ALATUS!”

“told you he was a pet bird”

“please just get me a blanket for this unconscious creature”

“going~”

sfw masterlist || nsfw masterlist || taglist: @lioria @celestetalkstoomuch

© tartigglez, 2023. do not copy, translate or repost, reblogs appreciated

i can't write in the present tense, happy birthday celeste!

[carrymelikeimcute]

Stop Stealing from Authors

As an author, please please PLEASE do not download 'free' ebooks or listen to 'free audiobooks' on YouTube etc.

Books take work to research and write, and author advances are already incredibly low, without us having to PAY THEM BACK to the publisher because the book isn't earning enough. Authors are already earning far far below the minimum wage per hour of work we put in.

Many ebooks are incredibly cheap already and have regular price drops down to 99p/$0.99, and are FREE using a library app.

Audiobooks likewise can be accessed digitally for FREE via the library.

Authors in countries like my own receive a small amount of money when you access our content via the library. Money which means we can keep writing books. Using the library also gives them visitor numbers and incentivises funding, preventing library closures.

Funding piracy makes the already very hard job of writing as a career even harder and endangers library resources.

'Well then maybe you should get a real job' I have a job, and that job is being an author. It is very entitled to tell authors that we need to essentially have a full time job AND still produce content for you to enjoy for free, at a speed/quality which makes writing also a fulltime job.

As a fulltime author I wrote 3 novels last year, each with 4-5 rounds of edits at different stages in the process. I also edited the two books I wrote the previous year during that time. Hundreds of hours of work. And I have since seen piracy websites making money off of that work.

Saying that piracy 'expands the reach of our books' is as insulting as being 'paid in exposure'. If you want something that someone made, you have to pay them for it. It is not doing someone a favour, to steal from them. And let's be real - how many people are you telling about each book you steal? Are you recommending the piracy site to others in the same breath? Are you just rating on goodreads and counting that as 'payment' for what you stole?

If you want to get a free book and 'expand the reach' - sign up to Netgalley and get free books in exchange for posting reviews.

'But then I can't read all the books I want to read' - Why should you get everything you want? Genuine question. I don't have all the make-up I want, or all the decor I want, but I'm not shoving stuff in my pockets because it's not fair that I don't get to have everything my magpie brain desires. You don't have enough time in your life to read every book anyway. You have to choose.

I bet you also have more than one unread book in your possession, right now. Probably a TBR pile. Why do you need another one for free, when you have books to read? And if you don't want to read those books, you can access every book, via the library.

Authors would even prefer that you buy our books second hand, because at least that 1. is good for the environment as it keeps books out of landfill and 2. benefits charity if you purchase for a charity bookshop/ doesn't benefit pirates. And 3. unlike a stolen ebook, you can donate it again and it will be visible on a shop shelf, attracting new readers.

'You should write because you love it, not for money' I do write because I love it, that's why I spent years learning my craft and working to get published. So I could do this as a job. I even write fanfic on the side as a hobby, and that is VERY different to writing publishable novels for my editor - I get to do all the fun stuff with none of the WORK that my writing job requires.

I don't love being told what setting/theme is 'hot right now' and needs to be in my next novel. Or re-reading my book for the 15th time to look for typos, or spending 4-5 hours every morning writing to meet a crunch deadline and the rest of the day brainstorming the new idea which is due in a week, answering emails and editing. It's my job, not a hobby, and it's not all fun, all the time. No one page edits for the LOVE of it.

'If buying isn't owning, then piracy isn't stealing' - Unlike films/tv, books are still available as physical media you can own forever. They're also less likely to vanish from your ereader because they aren't licenced like a tv show.

'I don't want to support a horrible person but I still want the book' - so...you agree that pirating does nothing for the author? Good. Because that 'spreading awareness stuff' we already covered, is bullshit. But if they're so terrible...why do you want to read something that was invented in their brain, and is likely full of their terrible values/dog whistles? Why not find new authors to support instead of hate reading/continuing to absorb content from people you fundamentally dislike?

Lastly, the argument I routinely see is that 'it's just the same as lending a copy to a friend'. It is not. Firstly because you're putting money into the pockets of those who stole our work, via ad-rev on their sites, whereas lending a book to a friend doesn't result in you making money off of someone else's work. But also, lending the book to ONE person is not the same as making it available to EVERYONE. I just filed a copyright takedown on one of my new books which already had 200+ hits. Unless you plan to lend a physical book to 200+ people, you will not do that same amount of damage as piracy.

[andypantsx3]

if u have energy and time for it i would love to hear more of your input on the kindle publishing and quantity over quality discussion of how those authors tend to intersect fandom genres/cliches (omegaverse, alien romance, hockey romanct, etc.) with more mainstream routes (publishing on kindle universe, booktok advertising, etc.).

like, I am the demographic who do read/write fanfic AND read a lot of the 'self published romance trash' on kindle universe and while i hate that a lot of people have that feeling about it, because i have managed to find quite a few gems that i KNOW would have flopped via traditional publishing routes and are only available via self publishing on such a large marketplace, i know from experience that a lot of the stuff out there is like...bad. Unfortunately, that means i have also experienced the pitfalls of authors who have managed to publish their first book, their first passion project, that is amazing and thoughtful and truly a work of love realizing that it's a quantity over quality market and adapting their writing to suit (dragging out stories and/or putting out multiple books with subpar quality writing).

genuinely, it's a space that both baffles me and gives me a bit of hope for some odd reason. is it annoying that everyone is jumping the romance train and we are getting a dozen poorly written books for 'this months hot trope' in order to make money off of romance- for sure, but i'm also reading books with plots and romances that would never get published elsewhere because what publishing house is gonna publish a book about a woman falling in love with an ant monster alien and having weird ant monster babies?????

-> This is the post being referenced, for those who have not seen it.

Strei my beloved!!!! Yeah of course, this is such an interesting topic to me!! Especially as someone who is also the biggest consumer of romance in any of my friend circles, and as a secret fanfic author who loves trends and used to churn out like a 20-30k fic every week in the early days of the pandemic. Apologies that I'm still brain-fried from fever and my work week but here are my additional thoughts.

Firstly I wanna say that critiquing the culture that puts pressure on authors to pump out content so quickly is absolutely not to say that there aren't gems out there. That is also not to say that anything that is trope-y, trendy, or self-produced/published is garbage either (and it would be wild for a fic author to say so when we have all read like, some omegaverse fic that has changed everything we think we know about love and life LOL).

I think self-publishing as an industry is also extremely interesting and a necessary obverse to traditional publishing houses, especially when it comes to allowing authors the freedom to publish stories that the industry may devalue. Though self-publishing does factor into the equation as the easiest mechanism by which people can pump out trendy content quickly without any of the checks tradpubbing might have, it's not really at the root of the issue here.

To me, that post was specifically critiquing not trends themselves, nor self-publishers for engaging in them, but rather the pressure on (or inversely the reward for) authors to consistently sacrifice quality in terms of outputting massive quantity in service of chasing those trends.

Quality itself is hard to define as well because tastes are so subjective and what might be "low quality" to some people on here I could mention who will know I am talking about them if they read this, is "high quality" and enjoyable to me! I draw the line of quality in my subjective experience; characters and plots that are unmemorable or that failed to make me feel anything. Things I hated or will have forgotten I've read in two weeks' time. Novels that are just like every other one exploring that trope/trend, not for the elements they share but for the ways they failed to bring anything new to that trope.

I'm not sure what the solution is really. I don't think you can or should ask people not to enjoy trends (I'm not gonna stop LOL). I don't think you can ask self-pub authors not to try to make the money they probably need to live. I think it's probably a tall, impossible order to ask the culture at large to change, to grow more conscientious about what they engage with and how, especially when probably all of us are brain-fried from gazillion hour work weeks and just want something light and fun to enjoy.

But I think this is a growing complaint across a lot of mediums. Marvel is making the same movie over and over again, Disney is remaking every single one of their animated franchises in soulless cash grabs, recycled content runs rampant on TikTok and YouTube, and for every excellent book out there, there are 30 garbage copycats. It's clear to me that there is some kind of discomfort growing among us about how nothing is original or interesting anymore.

Fic-wise, I think this pressure to consume and create content so quickly also results in some of the things we regret most about fandom; plagiarizers unwilling to think of or write their own fics, fics abandoned when the hype dies down around a trend, loose characterization that defies even the most generous of interpretations lol.

But at least on the fandom side, I think there are small things we can do to combat this pressure because it costs us nothing to do so, except in some cases a little self-restraint, self-forgiveness, and patience. (At least in small pockets of the community, you're not gonna be able to change everybody.)

I liked what OP said in the last passage:

Maybe that means giving up useless number-chasing if communities can't survive past a certain scale. We could choose to focus on the slow work of developing relationships and trust, creating smaller but more sustainable groups of people who can support one another. Even now, within the hostile infrastructure of the modern internet, I think these things are still just barely possible.

I think as writers, we can be more forgiving of ourselves if writing a fic takes time, even a short one! Anything made with care usually takes time, and that includes breaks because you gotta let things marinate, plus we all have a ton of shit going on personally and culturally and we have to participate in that. We can (if we want to) read widely and try to learn more about the craft, honing our techniques and our ideas.

As community members we can prioritize making friends instead of followers. We can brainstorm with one another, help beta when we have the brainpower. We can gas each other up!! (To be clear I think this corner of tumblr is already excellent at these things, thankfully).

As readers we can choose to engage more often with ongoing fic instead of finished fic (I know the risks LOL), we can slow down and read more carefully and engage thoughtfully. We can let ourselves wait longer between updates. If we have the time and the patience we can seek out and read more niche fic authors and pairings!!

I think some of these we already do so well in this community, which is why I'm so grateful to be a part of this side of tumblr specifically lol. So some of this is just a thought exercise. And I'm sure there are more suggestions smarter people than I will have.

But I do see how capitalist pressures have invaded even this traditionally anticapitalist space and even in small measures, I wanna fight it back lol.

[lunariamv]

its time, im in my charon era

ive made my first three rpg horror games :DDD

there's three because two of them are parodies and then there's one actual legit one

all three are in authentic charon game format: rpg maker 2000, similar art style, similar horror premise, short story

i did it for the aesthetic OKAY

⚠️ Before venturing into any of my works, please heed my disclaimer/rules;; I don't want obstructive people engaging with me or my works ⚠️

✿ warning: running these games is a gamble because rpg maker 2000 is old software that windows is trying to assassinate (i cant even run it on my computer sometimes, i have to use a virtual machine or the game editor lol) so i apologize if it doesn't work ✿

the readme has troubleshooting solutions, and easyrpg exists to combat this, but it's not perfect. for example, it changes the text a little bit, which ruins the aesthetic

if ur like me and u care about the aesthetic a lot, then use a virtual machine, otherwise if you have a laptop and not a hardcore gaming pc, the game will probably run fine.

(the one time that having low quality graphics is good xD)

windows 11 users beware, im sticking with 10-

when all else fails i have gameplays available on my youtube

🌸 HERE IS THE GAME MASTERLIST 🌸 PLAY THEM HERE

✿ warning: running these games is a gamble because rpg maker 2000 is old software that windows is trying to assassinate (i cant even run it on my computer sometimes, i have to use a virtual machine or the game editor lol) so i apologize if it doesn't work ✿

!! please care and heed my content warnings when playing these games, as they contain dark subject matter; i promise ill make less edgy stuff in the future its just rn i REALLY WANNA MAKE CHARON GAMES FOR FUN !!

the first two (Akeno Delusion and Carousel) are strictly parody games on the genre, and Doom Stones is the authentic 100% serious charon game

looking back akeno delusion sucks to me but thats cuz its my first one and i gotta start somewhere, the quality only goes up from there

eventually ill stop using rpg maker 2000 and make games with the other makers for more versatility but rn im in love with the retro aesthetic im so sorry

*my art isnt that good but im getting there ok!!

also just a heads up, im not 1 to 1 charon; the aesthetic, artstyle, and story elements are the same, but i dabble in male yanderes instead and i go different places with the story;

🌸 mostly male yans

🌸 protagonist is actually a character

🌸 story goes a little more in depth

🌸 more focus on the horror aspect than sexual

so basically im like a female charon right now heheheh

i plan to make more rpg games, but for sure i want to make at least three more games with similar story beats.

its because i want my own take on the concepts -- doom stones is my take on makoto mobius, but i also wanna make a "scavenger hunt a person's house" type game like makoto nikki and a yanderella equivalent (but the love triangle has more drama)

AND…. MIX ORE BUT YANDERE BUBBLE TEA??????? :DDDD

once im done ill move onto dsp era cuz i wanna make some actual rpgs; like with the cute assets and pixel art

🌸 please follow and support me if you like these and want me to make more; this is just a small portion in the large list of games i wanna make <3

💮 please feel free to contact me regarding game ratings if you sincerely think they're off, im a noob when it comes to posting stuff;; and im just going off code of conduct, if it has any hint of explicit content its going to be 18+, whereas implicit would be like 17+ idk

im not taking any chances lol

🌸 I'd prefer if people don't contact me about troubleshooting problems, but if they have to, carefully go through my instructions first. even then keep in mind i might not be able to help;;

💮 I'm posting these games on tumblr only because they're short. If I make longer games, I'll crosspost them to itch.io or something.

🌸 I'll also make a website in the future, but for now I'll post the games on here. Thank you for stopping by!!

[cdroloisms]

Do you have a favorite/least favorite arc for C!Dream? (L'Manberg, Pogtopia, Exile/NLM, Prison, etc)

hmm ill do a quick ranking based on the following: 1) pre-lmanburg 2) lmanburg revolution-election results 3) manberg/pogtopia 4) season 1b (exile, nlm, doomsday, staged finale) 5) prison arc 6) post-prison arc

Prison arc has to take the top spot, I just like fucking around with it too much. This is a list of my favorites, not in terms of narrative importance or how they're written, and i just like this box it lives in my head rent free

Manberg/Pogtopia -- I think its influence on c!Dream is often understated and it's probably the one I chew on the most in terms of what the fuck was happening with this guy which is fun. The other time periods leave less to the imagination

Season 1b + Lmanburg -- these more or less tie, for me. sometimes i might root for premanberg era over season 1b just because of how little it's talked abt, but that's more abt fandom response than the actual time periods in themselves. i like them both, lots of quality c!dream content, i just turn these moments in my head less yaknow i feel like they're more "cut and dry" in my head so to speak

post-prison -- could easily be in the top 2 if there was more content, but alas. honestly feel really bad for ranking it this low just bc it has daedalus, which in itself is probably like one of my favorite series of c!dream content on this server literally ever, but between how much it's talked abt and how there's comparatively less like, change going on with c!dream here it drops into last place for me. still love it, my god, hardly a single moment of post-prison c!dream that i dont love (daedalus and inconsolable differences literally live in my head rent free) but i feel like if we're purely talking like for c!dream as a character...idk idk.

pre-lmanburg -- early smp streams will always be near and dear to my heart buuuut in terms of c!dream there's just a lot less to say, unfortunately

honestly u could ask me this tomorrow and id probably say something different--and idk i love all of them genuinely i dont think there's a single c!dream "era" so to speak that i dislike . he's my blorbo

[panelshowsource]

do you have any favorite gif sets of yours from throughout the years?

i mean not really non they're all shit 🧍‍♀️

there are, i would say, three reasons people make gifs: to participate in the community, to keep a visual archive of their hobbies, and for the satisfaction of gifs coming out super prettily and lovely to the eyes. when it comes to giffing this kind of tv content, it's easy to nail the first two but the third? half of the shows are low quality "hd" ripped from youtube, not 1080p hdtv blah blah, so it's so hard to make anything that actually, truly looks spectacular, so you have to have other motivations apart from the satisfaction of decent photoshop skills to keep going (and i only became about 40% decent maybe 5 minutes ago anyways) >.<

that's why anything i'd say i like is probably not even a standout set but just something that's in really lovely quality, like this?

BUT FOR THE SAKE OF HAVING A FUN THROWBACK and you being so kind to ask such a nice question(!!) let me think about it for a moment...

the 2019 female top 5 poll was soooooo fun and i think the gif sets came out decently! i wanna do another poll super super soon

i always love this one of david and love how much everyone else loves this one from my fave series of taskmaster (everyone also seemed to like the latest sean set which was very kind)

for no reason other than having a lot of time on my hands and loving him i did this extra ass response to this anon and i still think it's funny heh

also my david x victoria sets are fun ALWAYS and actually i have another one coming up hehehe

from recently? kayvan turned out sexy (ugh speaking of handsome devils i always love f.05 alan) and also the s16e01 sue set hahahaha she is sooo funnyyyy

often the ideas, parallels, throwbacks, whatever i come up with are pretty good but the gifs themselves aren't anything special or even decent at all — which is why sometimes i remake the same moments a couple times over, thinking i'll immortalise it better each time (and never really do lol)

i'm glad you guys accept 1) that i'm not a world class gif maker and 2) we're dealing with so much low quality video that it wouldn't matter either way ↁ_ↁ

feel free to send a request any time!! i promise i will try for u :") (joe x roisin anon i'm working on yours, it's just a fatty so i need more time; also i see u guz anon)

[hugheses]

https://www.tumblr.com/hugheses/747682627328311296/6-25-22-jack-at-damon-dreys-wedding

pls do

he looks so good

if the "pls do" is about the other wedding content, i don't actually have that much that's like, anything good, mostly of interest is a video of him and ty dancing with other ppl and jack's shirt is unbuttoned, but it's pretty dark/low quality. if you dm me and are nice i'll send it to u i just havent wanted to post it mostly bc i dont love when my notifications are full of heterosexual horniness. like i respect the girlies being horny. but it's a little much sometimes 😭😭😭😭😭 and i fear that would happen

[mindsafe]

♫ if HOME is where the HEART is, then we're all just fucked ♫

private, selective, && low-activity multimuse; featuring canon-muses from animanga, video-games, literature, && more; loved && despised by anja ( she / they ); 21+

doing lines of dust && sweat off last night's stage with: @pontevoix, @m-11o // @w4rche1f, @chaoslulled, @herkn1fe // @deiikara , && @calcitration

RULES && ROSTER BELOW || CARRD TBA

♫ THE WRITER - i'm 27 years old, && i'm a tumblr veteran; i work a full-time job && have passion projects on the go. i enjoy hard cider, fall out boy && my cat. also i can't stop yapping. this blog is mostly to engage with friends ( old && new ) && to appreciate the stories && characters i love; i'm prone to tumblr anxiety && the occasional creative block, but at the end of the day i'm very much LIVE, LAUGH, LURK && can be reached easily OOC; i'm also happy to hand out my discord to mutuals.

♫ THE BLOG - due to the themes present in the source material, this blog will contain sensitive subject matter, as well as dark && possibly triggering content; i will do my best to tag everything appropriately. NOTE: MY VIEWS DO NOT REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE CHARACTER OR THE CREATOR.

♫ WRITING // FORMATTING - theoretically, i prefer paras. that being said, i prefer quality over quantity, && don't expect anyone to pull their hair out trying to match my freak. i stick to formatted small text && no longer use icons out of personal preference; how you format on your end is entirely up to you. my only request is that threads are trimmed && ask memes are carried over to separate threads.

♫ ETTIQUETTE - standard rules apply: no godmodding, don't force ship, respect me OOC, etc. also it's the year of our lord && saviour jesus christ && i shouldn't even have to say this but racism, homophobia, transphobia, proshipping, etc. are all big nonos, && if i catch a whiff of any of that nonsense, it's an instant hard block.

♫ SHIPPING - generally speaking, i don't like to start threads with pre-established relationships unless they are based on canon material, or are discussed in advance; i prefer to ship with people i know && am comfortable with. also, despite being much older than 18, i will not be writing/posting explicit nsfw material on this blog. nsfw mentions might come up and will be tagged.

♫ TRIGGERS - while i don't have any specific triggers per se, it should be mentioned that i am epileptic && would appreciate photosensitive content tagged (tw: epilepsy); if there is something specific you would like tagged, please let me know, && if i do forget, please yell at me to go back && tag it

♫ CREDITS - graphics by @pontevoix ( m u a h )

ANIMANGA:

devilman crybaby: ryo asuka ( on request )

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kimetsu no yaiba ( demon slayer ): TBA

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LITERATURE // TELEVISION:

game of thrones: TBA

house of the dragon: alicent hightower ( secondary ) || aemond targaryen ( on request ) || helaena targaryen ( secondary )

VIDEO GAMES:

dragon age: TBA

[cdyssey]

if ur still taking prompts, pre-relationship melissa/barbara where barb is getting jealous over mel’s new fling? could be a new teacher who’s a woman as well? thank you! i love how you write them, and your overall voice in your works. thank u for ur brain and ideas and love for these two!!! <3

Augh, thank you for the kind words, Anon!!! ;w; I'm so appreciative.

And, haha, I feel like it's a rite of passage in the Work Wives fandom to pair Melissa with another MILF of choice to make Barbara jealous. <3 My face claim is Alex Kingston. >:)

CW: Grief Mentions, Emotional Infidelity, Suggestive Content

AO3 Link

—

The new art teacher is named Ms. Avery Blackwood, and she just moved from Manhattan to Philly, quietly citing the need to not see her late partner in every sunset.

She mostly worked on commission in the Big Apple, painting murals and large portraits for well-paying clients, but she also did a lot of volunteer work, lending her talents to underfunded schools and women shelters when she could.

But Ava didn’t hire her for this impressive resume—(because that would be bordering on competency, of course)—but rather for the fact that the almost sixty-year old is a Pisces and quote—“damn, that’s kinda hot, not gonna lie”—end quote.

Avery drives a yellow Volkswagen that still has a faded Bernie 2020 sticker on the bumper.

She calls everyone darling and dear and likely has paint splattered across her black overalls at any given time. 

She tucks paintbrushes behind her ear and charmingly doesn’t remember that she’s done so in the first place.

But once she’s been told someone's name and attaches it to a face, she never, ever forgets.

And to top it all off, Avery Blackwood, along with these innumerable endearing qualities, is utterly breathtaking—all curly russet hair and pale hazel eyes, curves in gorgeous places, and an English accent delivered in a low, delicious voice. The kids love her for her whimsy and play. Janine’s already adopted her as her newest middle-aged mother. 

And Melissa.

Melissa is dating her.

Barbara didn’t realize this crucial fact until precisely yesterday when she was sitting in the lounge, trying her hardest not to stare at the empty seat next to her for well over half-an-hour. The younger teachers had gone to Pizza Hut for lunch, which made the absence of the second grade grade teacher all the more pronounced. A vacancy that was a presence. The ghost of a very alive person. Barbara’s daily crossword puzzle went untouched, her afternoon mug of coffee mostly full, as she mentally combed through the most rational possibilities in her head: Melissa catching up on grades, Melissa trying to get the blasted copier in the office to work, Melissa gone to grab a bite to eat all by her lonesome.

All reasonable and distinct options.

Still.

Barbara had glanced at her phone every few minutes to see if she had received a text confirming any of them, providing an explanation, an excuse, an apology.

Nothing.

Nada.

Zilch.

Just a voicemail from Gerald apologizing because sorry, honey, he’d be home late. 

Her husband is always late these days, though. His promotion’s been good for their finances—it even funded their lovely cruise this past summer—but it’s been less conducive to their relationship, disrupting every sturdy habit and rhythm they’ve cultivated together for well over thirty years. He is the indentation on the left side of the bed and the apologetic voicemails he leaves because of it. He is the hasty peck on her cheek before he leaves for work and the untouched coffee mug she instinctively sets next to hers anyway. What he fundamentally isn’t, however, is there, and she’s felt this new distance terribly, like a three-inch incision across her chest. She’s tried to bandage the untenable wound with other things—namely people. 

Namely one person. 

Namely Melissa. 

The two teachers have been spending a lot of time together lately, even out of school—getting their nails done or going to see Saturday matinees or shopping deals on school supplies together at Staples. So she’s gotten used to Melissa being around, has soothed her pathological need for routine because of this immutable fact. 

In the absence of Gerald, there has been Melissa.

A constant presence at her shoulder.

Never more than a text or call or short walk down the hall away.

Until yesterday.

Until Avery Blackwood.

At some point, she walked to the window as a preventative measure against impulsively marching to her friend’s classroom and demanding an explanation, and as she peered through the rain-splattered blinds, she saw them.

Melissa and Avery.

They were walking up the stone steps together, holding hands, and Melissa was laughing at a joke that the other woman had clearly just told, her smile impossible to miss even from a distance.

Even from another room.

Even at the ends of this world.

And Barbara’s stomach had clenched unpleasantly where she stood on the tiles, recoiling at the unexpected sight. And she had mechanically walked back to her seat and tried to sit with this feeling as it rose within her, snarling her carefully composed nervous system into disarray. She didn’t want to admit it, but in her heart of hearts—that forbidden tree she scarcely touches—she understood, even then, that this feeling was jealousy.

And it was irrational.

Ugly.

Perhaps even sinful. 

Thou shalt not covet thy best friend’s girlfriend.

Because Melissa undoubtedly deserves happiness.

And you already have it.

You are a married, Christian woman.

Barbara has known, for sometime now, that Melissa also dates women—mostly when she was younger and before she’d married Joseph—but now that she’s single again, having broken up with Gary the Vending Machine Guy a few months ago, she’s been getting into the swing of regularly dating again: a man named Thornton who had a Tom Selleck mustache, a woman named Selina who’d worked on a local mayoral campaign, a bartender named Layla. 

Barbara has hated all of her friend’s flings for completely valid and totally objective reasons, telling her as much—and in her humble opinion—doing the Lord’s work of helping her to see the proverbial light.

Gary was content to settle, never once trying something new. And while he was nice and funny and good, he took it for granted that Melissa wanted a staid and unchanging lifestyle too.

Thornton, well, he didn’t root for the Eagles, so that was a no-go despite his impressive mustache.

Selina, bless her heart, never stopped talking about politics.

And Layla—mmm, the nerve of her—didn’t care much about politics at all.

But Avery Blackwood, who is impossibly kind and witty and passionate about helping others, is perfect. There is nothing about her to nitpick and everything about her to root for. She’s probably good for Melissa.

Maybe she’s even the one.

And if jealousy was the awful feeling that Barbara had to swallow in that moment, then happiness was the emotion she had to hastily fake, capably simulating it with a porcelain facade of a smile when the two women finally made it into the lounge, still holding hands.

Melissa was self-conscious—as she always was when she was introducing her new partners to Barbara—her cheeks tinged rather pink.

And Barbara had been so perfectly gracious, as she always was when she was meeting Melissa’s partners—arranging her gritted teeth into a bright and pearly smile.

“You two are simply radiant,” she had mused, and it had broken something inside of her to do it.

She could not articulate to herself why.

She could not pray about it to God either.

—

It is Wednesday—the next day—and Barbara is sitting at her desk, savoring her second mug of coffee before the bell rings, when she hears a gentle rapping noise to her left. She looks up and over to see Melissa leaning against her open classroom door, her striking hair a little damp from the rain, spilling over her shoulders in dark, elegant waves.

“Hey, you,” she smirks, huffing a little, her cheeks flushed. Apparently, she’d jogged here, and the overall effect of all this—her wet hair and rosy face, her casual posture, the way the top two buttons of her shirt are carelessly undone, the vee-shaped divot suggesting the ample curves of those smooth, rolling—

—does nothing for Barbara.

Obviously.

“Hey, yourself,” she rasps hoarsely and hastily takes a throat-clearing sip of her coffee. Her damn sinuses. They always get to her at this time of the year. “What’s got you all flustered, Ms. Schemmenti?”

“Nothin’ in particular,” Melissa shakes her head, still grinning. “Just wanted to catch ya before the bell and apologize for yesterday. Sorry that I skipped lunch.”

And went out a date with Avery Blackwood.

And held hands with her. 

Maybe even kissed her.

Barbara imagines Avery’s fingers in her friend’s hair, twisted in those thick, scarlet tresses. She sees Melissa’s arms around the other woman’s curving waist, the space between their bodies negligible. Envisions them trading shades and flavors of red lipstick, can almost hear the sensuous heaving of their mingled breaths. Impatient grunts. Maybe even the occasional moan. And that same awful feeling that had consumed her as she had stood by the window yesterday begins to climb up the rungs of her throat, constricting it, choking what’s left of her resolve to maintain an impeccable front.

And it is initially rather oblique to her—incomprehensible and frankly terrifying—why she should be feeling jealous of the idea of Melissa kissing another woman. It is one thing to be saddened at the idea of losing time with her closest friend; it is another to want to wretch at just the mere thought of the second grade teacher’s lips turning into another art project for one Ms. Avery Blackwood.

But in the end... she supposes she just misses Gerald, his little romantic gestures, his chaste kisses, his once attentive care.

Maybe she’s just lonely.

“Pssh,” she forces herself to smile all the same. “no need to apologize, girlfriend… I was simply happy to see you so happy…”

“Oh, yeah?” Melissa’s own smile brightens, her blush deepening until her face is nearly as red as her hair. Barbara is uncomfortably aware that the other teacher likes receiving her approval, perhaps even hinges some of her self-esteem on it. It’s been this way since her divorce and Joseph wrapped a horrible bow on their marriage by finally cheating on her.

That betrayal had unraveled Melissa Schemmenti.

Had made her feel like she was impossible to love.

And Barbara had seen all of this very clearly, had done everything in her power to put her friend’s broken pieces back together again, laboriously reconstructing her by telling her—almost everyday—that she was so loved and so cared for.

Lord, and how she’d done everything shy of kissing her to prove it.

“Yes,” Barbara nods, softening at these memories, chastising herself for forgetting them in the first place. Her entire project these last five years has been to help Melissa find happiness again… even if it comes at the expense of her own. “I’ve missed seeing you smile like that.”

And it’s true enough.

For the first year after the divorce, Melissa didn’t smile all that much anymore. 

Not like she used to anyway.

And it had killed her inside, had hurt her and hurt her and hurt her, every single God blessed day to see the lifelessness in her eyes, to endure the unchanging monotony of her voice.

She remembers tearing up the first time she heard Melissa belly laugh again—maybe two years after the fact. They’d been at her house, making batches of Christmas cookies for their students, and Barbara had hastily opened a bag of flour, causing the dust to explode all over her face. Melissa had laughed and laughed and laughed some more at what was assuredly a hilarious sight until her own face turned red, the sound warm and vibrant and everything lovely in that dimly-lit kitchen.

And flour all over her cheeks and everything, Barbara had nearly wept, unhinged at that beautiful, nearly forgotten noise. Oh, God, how she’d pulled her friend into a hug then, smearing flour across her face too, kissing her—so very softly—on the crown of that vivid head.

Because Melissa was laughing.

Melissa was happy.

Maybe more accurately still, they were happy together.

“Smile like what?” Melissa tilts her head quizzically, her dark brow pinching somewhere in the middle.

“Like you’re at peace,” she says warmly and beneath her desk, digs her fingernails into the palm of her other hand. Because it stings—more than she ever thought it would—that her friend would finally find contentment in someone who wasn’t her.

Melissa opens her mouth and then abruptly closes it, rendered speechless with visible tenderness and delight, pink feathering her high cheekbones. 

Goodness, she’s radiant, Barbara thinks, continuing to grip her palm, idly clawing at it, grounding herself in the distant ache.

“It’s still early yet, Barb,” the younger woman finally croaks, attempting to be playful but clearly and audibly touched. “Don’t jinx us.”

“Ach, never,” she intones, clumsily disguising a sudden gasp of pain as a laugh.

When she looks down at her hands, she sees that she has nicked herself, has accidentally drawn blood.

—

Avery is the one who proposes it—a joint lesson where Barbara will read The Cat in the Hat to her kids, and Avery will help them with a coloring project shortly afterwards. She comes to Barbara’s classroom after school one day—perhaps a week after the kindergarten teacher first saw her and Melissa from the window—so they can plan the specifics. With her impossible hair tied in a messy bun atop of her head and the loosely rolled sleeves of her oversized shirt speckled with paint and her slightly lined eyes bright with infectious zeal, it’s easy enough to understand why Ava calls her a “fine ass Miss Frizzle.”

And in hindsight, Barbara now knows why Melissa had been the first to agree.

“Genius,” Avery enthuses, lightly brushing her shoulder against Barbara’s own. “I mean, absolutely bloody brilliant—do you really create vocabulary card decks for each book that you’re reading? And for every student? Because if you do, then Melissa was absolutely correct when she called you a god.”

Her cheeks darken at the excessively kind words—both the art teacher’s own but more so Melissa’s purported ones. She never admits it, but she quite likes receiving her friend’s verbal approval too.

“Melissa thinks far too highly of me,” she says diplomatically, though a pleased smile rises to her lips all the same. “But I suppose she probably says the same of me.”

Neither of them are particularly good at loving each other in moderation. Gerald once teased that she loved Melissa more than him, and Barbara had just as jokingly agreed.

“Something to that effect, yes,” Avery laughs, the sound jocular and lovely, though her playfulness somewhat quickly cedes to thoughtfulness. She regards Barbara with a fond expression, tilting her curly head as though she’s trying to figure out how to capture her best angles in paint. “Mel really does think the world of you, you know. Says that you were there for her when she was really going through it with her ex…”

“It’s what any friend would do,” Barbara says quickly, flushing a little, not entirely sure if she’s touched that Melissa would share such an intimate detail about their friendship or irritated that she did.

Partially thinks that sharing the fact takes some of novelty away from it.

Ludicrous, she knows.

Absolutely ridiculous.

She’s well-aware.

(What is awareness to raw emotion, though, intellectualization to the irrationality of her deepest and most detested feelings?)

“What a good friend would do, dear,” Avery corrects firmly, thankfully oblivious to her inner conflict. “It’s in times of crisis when you learn who your true friends are. When my… you know, when my Morgan passed, so many people I thought were in my corner suddenly poofed, vanished, disappeared into the aether. And the ones who stayed—who helped me through the darkness—were often people I least expected. But they were so kind to me. They held my hand while I was in the straits, and they refused to let me go…”

Even though Avery’s gentle expression remains unchanged, Barbara can see the sadness in the forest of her eyes, can hear its plaintive notes in her rich, lilting voice. She cannot begin to fathom ever losing Gerald, even as complicated as things are between them now. She still loves him, of course. He’s the father of her kids and the other person in their shared bed of thirty-four—nearly thirty-five—years. She’d simply be lost without him.

She thinks it would be the death of her to lose Melissa, to never see that bright, red mouth smiling crookedly at her from across the room again. They’ve only known each other for nineteen years, but it feels like forever. And if Gerald is the other person in her bed, then Melissa is the filled seat next to hers in the teacher’s lounge, the hip lightly brushing against her own, the leather-clad shoulder she knows she can always lean upon.

They’re her people—her husband and her work wife—and she’s absolutely selfish; she wouldn’t be able to easily let either of them go.

So she reaches out accordingly, placing a hand on the small of the art teacher’s back in this imagined empathy of total, devastating, and unrecoverable grief.

There would be no Barbara Howard anymore in the aftermath of losing her beloved Ger or her precious Mel.

There would only be an empty husk of the woman she once was.

Her unhallowed and hollowed ghost.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” she offers sincerely—with everything in her—but Avery only shakes her head and smiles at her gratefully. Her innumerable curls shiver at the movement.

“It was a long time ago, and things are much better now,” she returns softly, reaching over and lightly squeezing Barbara's free hand. “I have my necessary distractions—a new home to ruin with all my artistic endeavors, a different job to brilliantly occupy my time, and, well, Melissa now.”

Barbara doesn’t discipline her immediate reaction fast enough, frowning deeply at the inclusion of her friend’s name on this particular list.

“Oh,” Avery says hurriedly, catching the microgesture in an instant, pops of color rising across her smooth cheeks, “I don’t mean to say that I’m using Melissa as a way of coping. I like her very much… she understands loss…”

“She does,” Barbara says, not exactly coldly, but perhaps with a touch of admonition, eyeing the other teacher carefully. She lets her hand fall away, primly templing it with the other. “She absolutely understands loss—perhaps far too well as you might know."

Her nana who practically raised her and so many other relatives besides.

An uncle who was killed.

Joseph, that awful man.

Their acrimonious divorce.

Her estranged sister.

“I do know,” Avery agrees, her pale eyes suddenly bright in the harsh fluorescence of the classroom. “And I didn’t mean to insinuate—I mean, I would never hurt her. Melissa is so dear to me."

“I believe you,” she smiles tightly but truthfully. She thinks the art teacher occasionally wears her emotions on her sleeves—as transparently as the paint that is already there—and she half-admires this vulnerability.

Could never be so candid herself. 

But she thinks it’s rather dangerous too, this capacity for laying one’s soul bare before another. Lesser people would take advantage, and they do everyday.

“Sometimes, though, we hurt people without ever really meaning to,” Barbara continues, taking on the familiar tone of Mrs. Howard.

Kind and didactic.

A little sanctimonious, maybe.

But well-intentioned.

Always.

She just doesn’t want to see Melissa hurt again.

“Even if we care about them—perhaps especially when we do."

The other woman flinches, as though she's been slapped, so Barbara hastily adds, "Not that you would, of course, but it’s something to keep in mind, yes?”

Avery is quiet for a long time after this, all of her usual mirth sieved from her, replaced with a world weariness and an aching, almost tangible sorrow. Barbara doesn’t think she did this to her, though; rather, she intuits that this is the person behind the painted smile.

This is the artist as herself and not as who she presents herself to be.

She feels sorry for her; she stands by her implicit warning all the same.

Melissa will always come first to her—her happiness, her security, her invaluable peace of mind—and she'll do anything to protect those holy treasures.

(She wishes—more than anything and with inordinate guilt—that she could provide them for her.)

"Fair enough," Avery eventually agrees.

Her ensuing smile is exquisite; it does not touch her eyes.

—

That evening, Barbara is curled up in her favorite recliner, watching Family Feud but not really seeing it, a glass of Prosecco idly supported between her fingertips. Gerald’s going to be late again—surprise, surprise—and she put on a whole pot of chicken and dumplings for nothing. 

Oh, sure, he’ll eat a bowl tonight when he gets home around eight or nine, but she’ll have already eaten herself and will likely be in bed to prepare for the school day tomorrow. And if she is, her husband might even sleep in the guest room tonight so as not to disturb her.

He’s polite like that.

But Gerald’s versions of politeness often leave her feeling lonelier than ever before.

So when her phone suddenly rings right at the commercial break, and Melissa’s smiling face washes over her screen—(a picture she’d taken on their most recent movie date)—Barbara is perhaps a little too eager to pick up the phone, pressing it to her ear like a lifeline.

She’s wholly unprepared for the greeting that follows.

“What the hell did you say to Avery?” 

“What?” Barbara splutters, uncomprehending and half-offended and so horribly afraid. She sits up abruptly, accidentally spilling a little wine on one of her favorite silk blouses. “What in Heaven’s name do you mean, Melissa? I didn’t—“

But the younger woman cuts across her viciously. “Things were all fine this morning, but then she goes to your classroom, and not even five minutes later, she’s in mine, tellin’ me we should take things slower!”

Barbara closes her eyes, suddenly and completely nauseous. The art teacher had apparently taken her words to heart, had evaluated them and perhaps found that they struck a meaningful chord. 

Avery is still grieving her partner.

And grief is a monstrous thing.

It colors everything it touches—thoughts, memories, conversations, and deeds.

Relationships too.

(Maybe even relationships especially.)

“Are you saying that she broke up with you?” She rasps, her voice choked, wrung with unspeakable shame.

And something else as well.

But that something else is far more insidious to ever name.

(Hope.)

(Self-righteousness.)

(Glorious, sweeping relief.)

“No, I’m sayin’ that here you go again, messin’ with my relationships,” comes a quick and scathing reply. “You didn’t like Selina or Layla or Thornton. Fuck, you didn’t even like Gary, and you set me up with him in the first place!”

Every word lands across her stomach like the entry of a new knife, gushing blood. It’s true that she’s voiced her reservations about each and every one of Melissa’s most recent partners, but not for any malicious intent. She’s only meant to help her friend, naming the flaws in these various flings that her friend couldn’t see. 

That is altruism from her limited perspective.

Meddling is a form of love.

“You’re being incredibly unfair,” she hisses, angrily wiping at the tears that have started to form at the corners of her eyes. “I’ve only wanted the best for you, Melissa, and you know that.”

And none of those individuals—as kind as they were or funny or sexy or available—were good enough for Melissa Schemmenti.

They were nice people.

That didn’t mean a blessed thing to Barbara.

“Yeah, well, from where I’m standing, you don’t give a rat’s ass about me—you just want me to be as miserable as yourself.”

And, oh, it is this indictment that is the cruelest of them all, and Barbara immediately wants to cry and shudder and scream so loudly that she can be heard from miles upon miles away. Another part of her still wants to fight back, teeth bared and hackles raised, wants to snarl so many unsavory things. 

That her marriage is none of Melissa’s business.

That if she was so uncaring, then who has unfailingly been by her side these past five years, fixing what Joseph Lombardo so callously broke?

That she loves her.

You know that I do, Melissa.

I have loved you far more and for far longer than almost anyone.

Do you not know that?

Have I not proved to you—over and over again—that I care?

“I’m not miserable,” she mewls instead, the words pathetic even to her own ears. She sounds like a petulant child, but her deepest honesty would be overwhelming and too much.

It would sound like a vulgar confession. 

A romantic one.

Her glass violently trembles in her hand. 

“Keep telling yourself that, Barbara," comes an incredulous, broken laugh, "but don’t talk to me about my shit again until you’re finally ready to be honest about your own.”

And with that searing proclamation, Melissa hangs up with a brutal click, leaving Barbara alone again in her big, empty house.

The abrupt silence bruises her.

Wraps its fingers around the pillar of her throat.

She sits in her recliner and simply suffocates—for minutes after that, and then hours, a monolith carved from stone as tears serpentine down the weathered crevices of her face like water over an ancient fountain. She wipes at them only every now and then. Can’t entirely bring herself to care.

Darkness falls through the bay window in the living room, laying across her like a steel cage. She drinks and refills her wine and drinks and refills her wine until the bottle is  empty, and her mind is a buzzing tape recorder, replaying that last conversation in her head until she’s making up replies that she didn’t say.

She is not miserable, Melissa.

She is a married, Christian woman.

She cannot fathom those two ever being one and the same.

[technicolorfamiliar]

Technicolor Familiar Watches Too Many Conrad Veidt Movies Part 3 of ?

Part 1 // Part 2

Anders als die Andern (Different From the Others), 1919 Dir. Richard Oswald ⭐4/5 Watched Nov 15, Archive.org It really breaks my heart that so much of this film was lost and destroyed, and that the story is unfortunately still relevant 100+ years later. Maybe I don't have as much to say about this one because it's so chopped up, and because it's already been written and talked about so much. I am glad it seems to have found its proper place in literature/content about LGBTQ+ history, getting the acknowledgement it deserves. Despite already knowing so much about the movie from various books, podcasts, and documentaries, I was still very affected by the story and performances, especially towards the end. It really hit a nerve, surprisingly so. Connie's Paul is really lovely, tragic, and so sweet with Kurt.

Jew Süss, 1934 Dir. Lothar Mendes ⭐3.5/4 Watched Nov 26, Youtube There's something about the structure and the hazy, dreamy quality of the film itself that makes this seem like a fable. There are parts that are deeply upsetting and chilling despite the mediocre supporting cast. It's imperfect, but definitely did a lot more than other films to create complex and sympathetic Jewish characters in the 1930s (even if still playing on stereotypes). I'm a total sucker for 18th century opulence and fashion so I can’t complain much. And oh boy, does the 18th century suit Connie. He knows how to work the lace and silk to great affect. Some of the things he's doing as Josef are really fascinating and gut-wrenching. He's doing so much vocally, too. He's in an entirely other class compared to many actors of that era. P.S. The scenes with Josef and his mother and daughter were, uh, interesting. I have… mixed feelings.

Rome Express, 1932 Dir. Walter Forde ⭐3/5 Watched Nov 26, Youtube My expectations were pretty low for this one based on some things I'd read online, but it's a cute if slightly baffling train thriller with an ok-ish ensemble. I'm a little biased, my inner child fuckin loves trains so any train movie is at least going to be semi-enjoyable. I was so stressed the whole time about how everyone was handling that apparently very expensive painting. Connie is so extra, though. Why is Zurta eating a banana as soon as he jumps onto a moving train? Why does he hold a gun like ~that~? Why are his fingernails so long?? It's so funny seeing him next to all these tiny British actors. It may partly be how they dressed him for the role, but he makes everyone else look positively shrimpy.

All Through the Night, 1942 Dir. Vincent Sherman ⭐3/5 Watched Nov 27, Vudu Once I finally leaned into how silly this movie was, it was pretty entertaining. The dialogue alone is so stupid, but self aware of how stupid it is. And it features one of my favorite gags of all time: making up gibberish words for technical terms with complete confidence. There's a dog. (Question: Is the dog a nazi like the monkey in Raiders of the Lost Ark? Does the dog know it's complicit in war crimes??) Peter Lorre looks like he'd rather be anywhere else. Mrs. Danvers is there. Some of the visual comedy is actually pretty great -- the dog in the boat at the end when Connie is being totally deadpan serious? Hysterical. (DID THEY BLOW UP THAT DOG?) I think this was the first time I've heard Connie speak German, too.

The Spy in Black, 1939 Dir. Michael Powell ⭐3.5/5 Watched Nov 27, Youtube Interesting that the main character, the person carrying this British movie in the late 1930s, is a German U-boat captain. But wow. I'm obsessed. Hardt's entrance into the hotel? Baa-ing at the sheep? The delicious gluttony with food? Dragging the stupid motorbike up the stairs to his room? "It is evening. And I am grown up."?? We love a sexy, honor driven character like Captain Hardt. Therefore, Valerie Hobson going for the British officer seems totally unlikely and unbelievable. I think I like this movie marginally better than Dark Journey, as far as espionage films go. It's slightly more engaging (but that may be Connie and Valerie Hobson's chemistry) and the story is a little better.