#(you know in the frozen vault scene in thor 2011 when odin yells YOU ARE NOT KING and thor just loses all steam instantly and goes silent)

[magnusmodig]

rough childhood headcanon qs / anonymous / accepting !

╰┈➤ 6 . what was the worst / most traumatic moment in their childhood?

||. Oh, I am sure that there are multiple that Thor can recount (if he ever bothered to) and the list could fill up a very long and detailed tome. But were I to try and summarize most of them, I would end up with one word: Gungnir.

Disagreed with something your father said? Gungnir. Went against the grain because you felt it better to do things your own way? Gungnir. Have the gall to talk back (regardless of whether your point was valid or just genuine childish disrespect)? Gungnir. Make a mistake? Bound to get scolded? You've spoken out of turn? Gungnir. Dare to defy Odin and you will hear the sound of urdu thudding against the ground, because very likely you aren't talking to your father at all. You're talking to the All-Father, and he is not a very patient manner of beast.

And I would imagine that Thor, being the temperamental, strong-willed, passionate individual that he is (not to mention a perfectly bright and excitable creature as a child, the lovely lamb) wouldn't have known the difference at first. How would he have? His father was his hero. He answered a great many questions and told the history of his father and fore-father. He took Thor's hand in his and squeezed it tight, and showed him the great treasures of Asgard and the spoils of its righteous conquests as heroes of the Great Wars. ...So how was Thor to know the difference between the father who held his hands and spoke with a fond twinkle in his eye, and the All-Father who spoke with authority heavy in his tone and the slam of urdu on the ground? So Thor would speak up as any child might, interrupting and asking questions and never exactly listening, because Thor has his own thoughts and opinions and he would very much like to share them all. And father would listen, but the All-Father does not. And Thor would argue and debate and counter when he feels something unjust, unfair or otherwise downright vexing for a little one who knows no better about the world than that which consists of himself and his brother and his parents, and maybe sometimes he was eloquent enough to earn an impressed hum or a begrudging acquiescence — if he was debating with his father, at any rate.

Thor was oh-so very often not speaking to his father at all.

And it was very much his own mistake for not catching on to the difference.

But at some point, Thor learned better. Fight back, but maybe not so blatantly out of line. Defend your point and speak your mind, but beware of the All-Father's command. Do what's right, but in the shadow of rebellion ; keep your head down, and your eyes lower, as you slip around the politics of the rulings – for rules are made to be broken , after all. Most of all: when Gungnir sounds, bite your tongue and hold your breath.

You will speak when spoken to or you will not speak at all.

[chokememrstark]

Cold Heart // Thorki (Part 3)

Chapters: 3/8

Words: 1967

Summary: In search for answers, Loki sneaks into the vaults of Asgard. The truth he finds there, however, is more than he has bargained for and despite Thor wanting to stop what happens, he is forced to watch the tragedy unfold in front of his eyes.

thor (2011) rewrite, jotun!loki, thor does not get banished, angst, isolation, unrequited love, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt, suicidaln thoughts, self-hatred, self-loathing, pining, possessive behavior, emotional sex, angst with a happy end

Notes: A lot of this is a rewrite from an actual scene in the movie, I simply added Thor to it, so the conversation will be identical.

Special thanks to @sassysupernaturalsweetheart for betaing this fic!

Tags: @shebahda​  @thevampireniko​ @feldkommandant​ @sassysupernaturalsweetheart​ @sunggyu-kiw​  @humongouscandycoffee​   @lokilovemail

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Read on AO3!

 Loki stands by the large windows and watches the sun rise. He’s tired, but there is no way he can sleep, so he had spent the night reading and trying to find an answer to his questions. There was none, but he didn’t expect to find one that easily. By now he is sure that there is only one place to go for them and he’s scared of what he might find. If only he could ask Thor to come with him, but he doesn’t dare to even think about it. This is something he has to face alone, no matter the consequences.

 Despite his fear, it’s obvious that he has to find out what’s going on with him or he will go mad just thinking about it. Careful, as if his touch alone could bring back the change, Loki runs his fingers over the back of his hand. There’s nothing out of the ordinary, no sign of markings or his skin turning blue. It all looks normal and at the same time it feels like he’s pressing his fingers against a lie.

 It’s still morning when Loki sneaks out of his room, determined to find out the truth. Books can’t help him and he cannot ask anyone, but he knows his answer is in Jotunheim. He can’t go back there without being seen, but he thinks there might be a way to bring Jotunheim to him instead.

 Deep in the vaults under the palace, amongst all other treasures that are too dangerous to see the light of day, lays a casket that Odin brought from Jotunheim after the big war. Loki remembers their father showing it to them as children and being intimidated by it. He had explained that by taking it, he had stripped the frost giants of their power to attack, and that had been very impressive. Now, after the traumatizing events that have taken place in Jotunheim, Loki feels that this casket might be able to help him understand.

 After sneaking past the guards and entering the vaults, Loki hesitates for the first time. This casket… it’s very powerful, he knows that. There’s a reason Odin took it and that the frost giants want it back - how else would he have been able to lure them into Asgard to ruin Thor’s coronation? The closer he gets to the casket, however, the more Loki doubts his plan. What if he is about to make a huge mistake? If the casket is really that powerful it could just freeze him on the spot and nothing would be won. And if it doesn’t, how can he be sure that he really wants to know the truth?

 Loki looks at the casket for a long time, his hands lingering over the handles without touching them. It’s his curiosity that finally wins his inner battle and the second his fingers wrap around the cold handles and he picks the casket up, he feels an icy rush go through his whole body. In complete fascination and awe, Loki stares at his hands as they start to change - at first only his fingers, but soon more and more until he can feel the cold creeping into every cell of his body.

 “Stop!” It’s his father’s voice and another, but Loki doesn’t hear them or recognizes them for a moment. He is hypnotized by what he sees, overwhelmed by what happens to him and how he can feel that he changes. It’s strong and eerie and at the same time it’s like the truth finally settles in and breaks down walls of lies that have been surrounding him all his life.

 “Am I cursed?” Loki eventually asks, quiet and scared. There are steps that suddenly stop and then the same voice from before speaks, twisting Loki’s guts at the sound.

 “No.”

 He slowly lowers the casket again, without turning around, fear creeping into his voice, along with something far more dangerous: anger.

 “What am I?”

 “You’re my son,” Odin answers immediately.

 At this, Loki finally puts the casket down and slowly turns around. His face isn’t the pale, soft white Thor knows. Instead it’s blue like those of the frost giants they had fought the previous day and his eyes, normally the emerald green Thor enjoys seeing so much, are red and ominous. All over his forehead and chin are the same markings Thor had seen in Jotunheim, but there is no cruelty on his face like it had been on the frost giants, just absolute shock and confusion and sorrow. Thor is sure Loki doesn’t even see him, but it doesn’t matter. He can see his brother and what he sees he will never be able to forget.

 Suddenly, Loki begins to change. The blue color slowly vanishes from his face, along with the markings, and while it does, Loki asks a question so dooming that it makes the hairs on Thor’s arms rise.

 “What more than that?” The anger is undoubtedly there now and Thor watches completely thunderstruck how Loki begins so walk up to their father - back to his old self but no less frightening than a minute earlier. His voice is as cold as ice, more so than ever before. “The casket wasn’t the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?”

 Odin stays still, without an answer, until Loki stops in front of him and looks up. Thor is rendered completely useless and can only sit on the stairs and watch as the events unfold in front of his eyes.

 “No,” Odin finally speaks again, unexpectedly calm. “In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the temple and I found a baby.” He pauses for a moment, as if to recall a memory. “Small for a giant’s offspring, abandoned, suffering… left to die… Laufey’s son.”

 Thor’s eyes are glued to his brother and he takes every last bit of his reaction in. There is wonder and confusion and undoubtedly tears in his eyes and Loki looks into Thor’s direction, without realizing he is there. He’s far away, trapped in a moment he cannot remember, in a truth that is shattering everything he thought he knew.

 “Laufey’s son…” he says quietly, as if to help the sheer weight of those news to sink in. Loki blinks and looks back up at Odin silently.

 “Yes.” It’s Odin’s only response.

 Loki fights for words, seemingly unable to process what he had just heard and his eyes shimmering.

 “Why?” he asks. “You were knee-deep in Jotun blood, why would you take me?”

 “You were an innocent child,” Odin starts, but it’s all he can say before Loki interrupts him.

 “No. You took me for a purpose. What was it?”

 Thor can see the pain on his brother’s face, how he struggles to keep his voice down, to conceal his anger. He wants to run up to him and stop this madness, but he is frozen in place as if an invisible force holds him down. All he can do, all he can force himself to do, is whisper Loki’s name almost inaudible.

 There is silence after Loki’s question, a silence so overwhelming and painful that Thor can almost grab it. And that’s when Loki loses it. His anger breaks through, crushes through the shock and confusion and when he yells at their father, Thor can feel the raw and unexpectedly strong emotions from Loki to the very core.

 “TELL ME!”

 “I thought we could unite out kingdoms one day,” Odin says again, trying to explain. “Bring about an alliance, bring about a permanent peace… through you.”

 Thor barely hears what their father says. He’s focused on Loki and how those words are like knives stabbing his heart, how each and every one of them increases his suffering.

 “What?” Loki’s voice is so weak it could be nonexistent too. His face is nothing but a mask of pain and heartbreak, caused by the truth he had so desperately tried to find without knowing how much it would hurt.

 “But those plans no longer matter,” Odin closes and Thor is stunned by the sudden tension.

 Something will happen, it’s inevitable. Thor glances at Odin for a moment, surprised how he can look so unaffected by his own words, before his eyes go back to look at his brother. Loki’s demeanor crumbles and falls apart and when he speaks again Thor can see tears running down his cheeks.

 “So, I am no more than another stolen relic?” Loki asks, pain filling his voice. “Locked up here, until you might have use of me.”

 “Why’d you twist my words?” Odin asks, but Loki isn’t done. He's far from done.

 “You could have told me what I was from the beginning, why didn’t you?”

 “You are my son, I only wanted to protect you from the truth.”

 Loki’s next words are deeply hurt and heartbroken and Thor feels like someone had just cut his throat when he hears them.

 “Why? Because I… I-I-I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?”

 There is a moment when Odin wants to protest, but he cannot find the words. Thor finally manages to move and pushes himself up, but he is unable to prevent what happens next.

 “You know, it all makes sense now, why you favored Thor all these years!” Loki snarls as his unfiltered anger finds a way out and he walks over to Odin, who is sinking against the stairs weakly. Loki is intimidating, even for his older brother. Thor is thrown aback by the way Loki feels, his heart shattering realizing that he is speaking the truth and nothing but that. Odin reaches out with a hand in a last attempt to get through to Loki, but it’s in vain. “Because no matter how much you claim to love me, you could never have a frost giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!”

 “Brother…” Thor whispers quietly and watches how their father, weak from the threat of another war and what had just happened, sinks down completely and eventually lays still in front of their feet.

 Loki stares at Odin in utter shock and Thor rushes to his side, finally free from whatever had held him back before. He watches Loki raise his hands, but it’s no more than a scared gesture with no purpose. They both watch their father for a few moments, who breathes steadily but shallow, undoubtedly asleep. Loki lays a hand on Odin’s as more tears roll down his face and it’s this gesture that gives Thor the strength to cover his brother’s hand with his own. At this, finally, Loki looks at him. And Thor knows he can see him this time.

 “I… I didn’t mean to…” Loki stutters, fighting for the words to leave his tongue “I didn’t know, Thor… I didn’t…”

 “It’s okay, brother,” Thor whispers and pulls Loki’s head towards him, against his chest. “It was an accident, it’s not your fault.”

 Loki shakes his head and pushes himself away.

 “Guards!” he yells, his panicking eyes shifting over Odin’s body. “Guards, please help!”

 They arrive only seconds after and Thor pulls Loki up as they fall on their knees to attend their king. The brothers stumble backwards and Loki leans against Thor frightened, his eyes not for a second leaving their father on the ground. He’s shaking and no matter how much Thor tries to soothe him, it’s of no use. They don’t move while the guards carry their father away, don’t move when the doors close and silence surrounds them once more. The shock over what had just happened is debilitating and terrifying just the same.

 Thor realizes that nothing will ever be the same again now and it breaks not only his heart, but his soul just the same.