#(you all aren’t ready for the throuple discussion yet)

[ohmiina]

people who ship bronte and fintan need to stop being afraid and start shipping keefitz. it’s the same ship you are all just to cowardly to admit it. snarky and dark haired with anger issues who upholds elvin society paired with slightly evil blonde with dangerous abilities who’s fundamentally minsunderstood but buries their feelings and doesn’t show it.

[polyintheburbs]

Hello. I’ve been married 25 years and my wife came out as bisexual a little more than a month ago. I’m unbelievably grateful to her and very proud of her decision to share her truth with me. We have a loving relationship and three kids. I have encouraged her to seek joy from an old friend and they have connected in meaningful ways. It is so beautiful to see my wife’s eyes light up as they text and chat. They talk for hours at times and my wife is falling in love. I enjoy massaging her feet and rubbing her back while they chat. I am very happy to see her joyful (maybe a little too happy with this new energy). However it’s a long distance relationship. I’m doing my best to give them space to develop and learn about each other on the phone. My wife is giving me some but not all details, which is fine because it isn’t about me knowing everything it seems to be about her finding herself. Her friend is coming to visit in June and I suggested they go to the coast for the weekend while she is here. Her friend is a lesbian, I’m hetero, and my wife is bisexual with no desire for being pleased by the two of us at once. We had a pretty hot text-and-sex once so far (she was texting while I was being a dutiful husband), so that division of desire is a little difficult to understand right now given that we have already shared an intimate evening (albeit virtually in part). I’ve also been told I’m toooo far ahead of schedule with my ideas on how this could workout in the long-run. I’m planning a future for three (probably to reduce uncertainty/anxiety) and they are just dating and having fun. So... I’m giving space, encouraging their joy, resourcing their adventure into this new unknown, saying yes whenever I can, checking whether my initial response is fear based or joy focused, avoiding the urge to make rules... (as if love could ever be ruled), we have started couples counseling yesterday,.... and of course I’m showing my love and admiration for my wife. We walk and talk several miles a week. I have drafted several messages to my wife’s new friend and shared them with my wife (but she is not ready for the three of us to talk openly yet). what other ways can you think of that I would be supportive of our choice to explore polyamory?

You’re communicating openly and being supportive. That’s a good start.

But to what end? Are you into being ethically non-monogamous or are you encouraging your wife to get involved with her friend so that you can have unlimited threesomes? That’s called unicorn hunting. One virtual “intimate” evening does not make a throuple.

It sounds like they aren’t ready to close the V and turn it into a triangle.

Have you considered doing any outside dating yourself? Have you discussed that with your wife? If she is going to explore polyamory with a friend, do you want to also explore polyamory outside of your marriage? I hope your couple’s counselor is experienced in polyamory. 

It’s only been a month. It’s natural to just jump right into the deep end of polyamory, but I recommend wading in a little slower. Perhaps read a few books. “More than Two” or “The Ethical Slut” come to mind.  

Good luck. Let me know how things turn out.