#(which... some of them may be depending on how you interpret the Gray in relation to the Force)

[dearmahiru-archive]

— together in death; dearmahiru's shinjū theory

tw: this post revolves around the discussion of group suicide and a toxic relationship

Before I Love You had released, I proposed Mahiru attempted to commit a lover's suicide with her boyfriend. It's hopelessly outdated (and terribly formatted) but, given we've recieved many confirmations about Mahiru's story, I wanted to try rewriting the theory with the new information. For reference here is the old post.

Yamanaka: ❝ When we designed the characters and their sins, we tried to design them in a way that is open for interpretation depending on how each viewer feels, and encourage differences in opinions. For example, some sins may be legally wrong, or something that you can’t forgive emotionally, and some may be interpreted differently due to cultural differences and different upbringings. So we encourage people from all walks of life to participate, to increase the diversity and depth in the results. ❞

Understandably, this post will paint Mahiru in an overtly sympathetic light given my bias towards her. However, I'm disinterested in rehashing the same "Mahiru is a bad person" points when everyone is aware of her flaws. I acknowledge proposing this theory would seem like an attempt to absolve Mahiru of guilt but that's not my intention. Like every character, Mahiru is morally gray and whether the audience finds her forgivable is up to them.

So, without further ado, let's begin.

01. Setting The Scene

This particular scene in I Love You is extremely important: namely, it's the location of her victim's death.

If we look at Mahiru's incarnation records, her victim died in Aokigahara, Japan's infamous suicide forest. This makes sense given he had died by hanging.

At least since the 1960s, Aokigahara has become associated with suicide, eventually becoming known in English by the nickname "Suicide Forest" and gaining a reputation as one of the world's most-used suicide sites.

Adding onto this, we know Mahiru went with her boyfriend to Aokigahara. First, ofcourse, the two are seen walking through a literal forest. Second, in Mahiru's Undercover memories, the sleeves perfectly align with the clothes Mahiru and her boyfriend wear. There's no other day where these sleeves align—trust me, I checked.

Q. Can you drive a car? Mahiru: "I have a drivers license. But I'm only a 'paper driver.'"

A paper driver is someone who's license is only 'paper' because they don't use it. Aokigara is a two-hour drive away from Tokyo which is where Mahiru lives. If she doesn't drive then this might mean it was her boyfriend who drove them to Aokigahara.

So to recap, Mahiru and her boyfriend went to a suicide forest together. This does beg the question though: why did Mahiru come along? If she knew her boyfriend was suicidal then wouldn't she try consoling him? Unless, ofcourse, Mahiru also wanted to die.

02. Love Is Mine

When you peek into Mahiru's symbolism you'll notice one reoccurring theme: clinging onto someone until you both suffocate.

Beginning with this shot of Mahiru and her victim, she's depicted as the literal noose tied around her boyfriend's neck. However, as many have noted, it can also be interpreted as her comforting him. As opposed Haruka who's straddling ontop of his victim, Mahiru's boyfriend is laying on her lap while she gazes into his eyes. Although violent, it's a distinctly intimate scene.

Personally, I'm partial to the name theory which suggests each prisoner's name reflects something about their crime. I noted the meaning behind Mahiru's name here but I'll regurgitate it. Mahiru's name means "Midday" which fits along her description:

A prisoner who is like the sun, always chatting and laughing.

So, with the theory in mind, Mahiru's crime relates to her eternal sunny presence.

Along with this, each prisoner has the kanji for "wood" in their name and removing that kanji reflects an aspect of their crime. (For instance, Haruka (嬰) would be "baby" or "necklace" and Yuno (堅) would be "strong" or "resolute" like her real personality).

With out the wood kanji, Mahiru's name is 隹 which means means "bird," obviously relating to how Mahiru and her boyfriend are both bluebirds suffocating within their small birdcage. Their relationship was doomed from the beginning—as bluebirds are wild animals and therefore cannot survive in cages. It was inevitable one of them would've become stressed out and died. Put a pin in the birdcage symbolism since we'll came back to that.

Moving on, in her first voice drama, Mahiru reveals how her victim died:

Es: "I see. So, you became a murderer as a result of some relationship conflicts? Jealousy… Grudges… Having your partner stolen from you… Those stories aren’t all that uncommon now are they?" Mahiru: "You’re wrong. It wasn’t that. I…never even wanted to kill anyone in the first place!" Es: [pauses] Mahiru: "I just… I was… just being myself."

(honestly really frustrating how people still theorize mahiru/her boyfriend cheated when she expressed multiple times that wasn't the case. all of the victims apart from kotoko's were innocent people and mahiru "loving my bf is my defining personality trait" shiina isn't about to tap someone's elses ass. if anything this is a demonstration she was only stressed out about her partner leaving her but whatever i digress)

And then later on these exchanges happen:

Es: It was your love which killed someone, right? Despite that, will you still try to love another person?  Mahiru: [thinks] Actually, I was hoping you could tell me the answer to that, prison guard… If what I did was unforgivable.

Mahiru: Ah, this isn’t good. Be careful, okay? Um… Um… If you’re that kind to me, you could die as well. Just—kidding?  

So already, this theme of suffocation has been reinforced multiple times. Mahiru goes with her boyfriend to a suicide forest, she locks hands with him, she's symbolised as a noose hanging him, she's stuck in a birdcage with him, and it's her sunny disposition, her love for him which kills him.

Which forms the foundation for this theory: following her theme of clinging until suffocation, Mahiru tried to die alongside her boyfriend to forever stay with him.

Q. What is the ultimate form of Love?Mahiru: Being always together

Mahiru: My first shrine visit of the year was together with him. Obviously I know what I want to wish for. Please let us stay together like this forever. Please don’t let anyone else get in our way

Do you really think you know what love is? If you do, let's just overheat together! [Mahiru is outright singing, "Lets stay close together for so long we could die from the warmth.]

If you don't hug me, even our hearts will start drifting apart [Otherwise, "If you don't hold me close then I won't feel loved by you."

Mahiru: "Ehehe...I love, love, LOVE YOU!! Don't ever let me go, ok!"

The happiness we tightly bound up and suffocated, is no longer here

Which leads us to our third point: oh goodness Mahiru's relationship was a hot mess.

03. Love Is (Un)Dead

Okay, so we've established a lot but there's one thing missing: Is Mahiru herself suicidal?

Mahiru: It’s because I've… decided that I’m going to live for the sake of love

Mahiru: Hmm. If you can’t forgive me for what I’ve done, then there’s no point in living—to be honest. [laughs] 

Mahiru: Being in love is… If there was no such thing as love, then my life would be so bland. So, if you say that I won’t be allowed it anymore, then there’s no point in me living. 

An extremely unfortunate yes! Similar to how Shidou wishes to die because of his love, Mahiru only lives for the sake of love. (Infact, coasting off this shinju theory, I'd even say that both Shidou and Mahiru wanted to die for the sake of meeting their loved ones again.)

One specific detail I'd like to highlight are Mahiru's shoes.

In Japan there is a custom for people to take off their shoes before entering their homes, as to not track dirt into their houses. As a result of this line of thinking there is also a custom where people take off their shoes before they enter the afterlife as not to track dirt and such into their ethereal destination. Abandoned pairs of shoes in Japanese media have become symbolic of suicides, and they are also common in non-Japanese media.

This specific symbolism is seen an additional time with Mahiru and Kazui's victims in Undercover and Mu in It's Not My Fault, both of which are related to suicide.

In Mahiru first MV, there's always a shot where we can explicitly see her shoes. They're on in the beginning, off when she confesses to her boyfriend and they begin dating, and on again after something happened to her boyfriend.

I believe this may represent she was suicidal during the relationship. Apart from this, there's lots of little details which paint the picture she was unhappy with her life and dating her boyfriend.

When being interviewed, she tends to talk a lot, and she seems to have developed some special feelings for the prison guard, and sometimes also shows a lonely, vacant expression in contrast to her normally bright and cheerful self. [These "special feelings" for Es aren't necessarily romantic. Atleast, it's "love" in the same way Mahiru thinks of a murder prison as a romantic getaway. It's moreso developes a connection with Es because they uniquely give her attention and she finds their hardwork admirable. She finds them kind and, "if youre kind to me I'm going to start relying on you, thanks!"]

"Hello! I’m Shiina Mahiru, 22 years old! I may be incompetent, but it’s a pleasure meeting you!"

Mahiru: Right…… so you too, Mu-chan…Hmm, I guess it’s because of the environment here. Sometimes your mental state has an impact. Mu: …You’re the same, then? …that it’s gone…… Mahiru: …it’ll be fine, it’ll be fine. This sort of thing happens all the time~

I guess we can just say that this feeling is happiness I can't stop feeling like there's something missing

We can both feel lonely sometimes, but wonder if you'll get angry soon

We fought sometimes, I was happy to get hurt Let's have matching pain, this sickness is pretty bad

This is a claim of responsibility From the two of us with matching love Wanting to know everything about you, but wanting to die because it can't come true It's all because of love

Don’t lose focus even when exercising! The pastel tones mean not only do you look ready to go but also give off a cute oneesan appeal. Even for a rougher style of dress you can’t be careless! Painted toenails and a necklace show some attention to detail to make for a sexy casual style. Just because it’s outdoors doesn’t mean you can relax too much! Even when picking out a date outfit to protect you from the cold, you still want to protect that loveable silhouette.

Most damning of all I'll say is Mahiru's parasite cover. The song tells a story about a scorned girlfriend who was used for sex and seeks alcohol in order to deal with her lingering feelings for ex-boyfriend. At one point Miku throws a bouquet back mirroring Mahiru's desire for a wedding.

(hmm funny how the "mahiru is a yandere because she covered psychogram" crowd was silent about this cover i wonder whyyyy)

Why can’t you understand? I hate you! Never touch me again

Wait a second, when did things start going wrong? I loved the bad parts too, everything was fine

It’s even worse when you are nice to me, But I don’t want to be given the cold shoulder [Most of all, Mahiru desires attention from her boyfriend. In her T1 MV she mentions how he "not the brightest so he never notices that I go to the beautician." This is a likely a blow to her self confidence given the heavy emphasis she has on appearing pretty. Sporadically across the magazines there's lines about "not slacking off" in public because people are always watching.]

Hey, give me back the time I used loving you, You liar. But I still love you

Hey, please don’t leave me behind, Hey, I’m hungry [This line always makes me so sad. In Mahiru's cover there's a beep to imply she's leaving this as a voice-mail for her boyfriend. Once again fulfilling our "stay with me always" clinging symbolism quota.]

Pretend not to see spitting out saliva, You're going to throw me away as incombustible waste

It’s just a bunch of “why”, I can’t change, I want to…I don’t want to leave

Hey, I want you to let me hug you at the last moment, thank you. And now, you are too (a parasite)

It's the last line I'd like to highlight because, all in one song, we've reinforced Mahiru's happiness in the relationship and the clinging symbolism. Mahiru and her boyfriend were both parasites who's clung onto eachother and deprived eachother of nutrients. Both of you suck!!

Then there's Mahiru's two symbolic locations: the birdcage and the carousel. Both of Mahiru's mindscapes places her in the same location: her home, as evident by the couches with pillows.

Personally, I subscribe to the idea the Day 16's house belong to Mahiru or it's a shared home with her boyfriend. If the poor financial situation theory is correct then the two might've decided to live together to cut costs (or Mahiru pressured him into agreeing). Her boyfriend works at a convenience store so he's probably not as financially well-off as Mahiru who recieves an allowance.

However, on a subconscious level, Mahiru thinks of her their home as a birdcage. As stated before, bluebirds can't survive in birdcages, and this is represented by her boyfriend's feathers falling from stress. Something interesting I'd like to note is that Mahiru considers leaving the birdcage but instead decides to dive back into the feathers, causing her boyfriend even more stress. Say with me: clinging 👏 until 👏 you 👏 suffocate 👏 imagery.

"Hmm... I’m a little troubled that I can’t go home, but... It’s fine, I guess. Even if I go home, there’s nothing left... And, I find it fun talking to you!"

Then, after her boyfriend's death, she thinks of their home as a carousel ride. The ledge at the beginning of the MV implies that—rather than an expansive space like Mu's beehive—the carousel is a small space. It's only Mahiru, the couch, the carousel, and a dead corspe. All she's able to do is fall asleep or ride the carousel again by herself, knowing she'll have to get off at some point. It's once again that imagery of something which is cramped and suffocating.

Both of her mindscapes cut them off from the outside world. Within her own mind all that matters is simply her and her boyfriend.

04. The Only You Can('t) Leave

Finally, I'd like to note something which has been sitting on my mind: Mahiru's themes of destiny and rebirth.

Q. What do you think happens when people die? Mahiru: They go to heaven!

Lovers committing double suicide believed that they would be united again in heaven, a view supported by feudal teaching in Edo period Japan, which taught that the bond between two lovers is continued into the next world, and by the teaching of Pure Land Buddhism wherein it is believed that through double suicide, one can approach rebirth in the Pure Land.

(big credit to doctorbunny's and archivalofsins's work on the this is how to be inlove with you locations for pointing this out! ily2 please check them out)

On Day 8, Mahiru goes with her boyfriend to go see "Your Name." Take this with a grain salt because I haven't see the actual movie— I refuse to watch a Makoto Shinkai film until he's allowed to write yuri—but the general gist is that two teenagers from 2013 and 2016 end up swapping bodies. Later, it's revealed that Mitsuha, the main heroine, is fated to die from a comet hitting the earth in the future. Fortunately, through time shenanigans, her fate ends up being altered and both teens end up surviving.

A romance movie featuring a dead lover and a mid relationship? Why, it's perfect for Mahiru!

The two people connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break. This myth is similar to the Western concept of soulmate or a destined partner.

Okay, okay, jokes aside that's not the sole reason I'm bringing up Your Name. Ofcourse, what's most interesting is it's theme of soulmates and how it relates to Mahiru.

Mahiru: Yeah. – Him and I… we loved each other. Properly as boyfriend and girlfriend. We met in college… It was the first time for me, so I don’t know if it was good or not, but… I think we were just normally going out together. I thought it was fate. He said it was, too.

Q. How did you meet your lover? Mahiru: We met eyes at the university terrace. I really felt like it was fate.

On the terrace at university, when I met eyes with that person I knew it must be fate. I might have been born purely so I could one day end up together with him. Or not, am I just overthinking things?

I ran into the person I’m interested in at the bread shop. This has to be fate, right? In the end I ended up buying the same bread as he got, but maybe I don’t need this much… > < I wasn’t thinking about the calories.

We went to one of the filming locations for a movie we both like! This sort of thing can only happen in Tokyo huh! It really must be fate that even our taste in movies lines up. I feel like a totally different person to before I met him… [Once again the movie she's talking about Your Name which is one of the highest grossing anime films of all times... bestie... ily but your rose colored glasses are blinding!!!]

Namely, once again, we're reinforcing the theme of clinging together until you suffocate. Two soulmates forced into loving eachother by the hands of fate. It's a very romantic idea twisted into something heart-wrenching.

The idea of "saving your lover from death" is briefly reflected Day 8 where Mahiru gives her boyfriend a hangover cure from called Corspe Reviver. A bit on the nose, don't you think?

This sections dawdles a little bit from the whole Shinju Theory but it felt off if I didn't include it. Given Shidou's entire character revolves around killing in order to save his loved ones, I can almost imagine Mahiru's murder was to save her boyfriend as well. There's not much evidence but... it's certainly there, right?

05. Conclusion

Aha, this post kind of devolved from "heres my shinju theory" and moreso "wow, Mahiru has a lot of suffocation imagery" which is true. There's so much of it. I don't even think this is all of it!

Theres alot more I wanted to add but... I'm not good with writing long posts if you couldn't tell! If anyone would like to add onto this for me I'd be thrilled ❤️

[irregularjohnnywiggins]

Funniest things I can imagine happening in a theoretical Assassin's Creed/Star Wars crossover (namely the protagonists and a few key supporting characters from the AC games show up in the Clone Wars era):

All the Grandmasters/Mentors sitting around and debating the theological differences between the Jedi Code and the Assassin's Creed. Yoda and Ezio keep making lewd jokes, and Mace and Achilles instantly bond over having to put up with them.

The first time a Jedi performs a Mind Trick in front of an Assassin, there's a knife fight in the streets that results in at least 3 stab wound and 1 near case of delimbification until the Clones are able to calm everyone down. Afterwards the Jedi make an effort to not perform Mind Tricks in front of the Assassins.

This is nothing, however, to how absolutely ballistic every single Assassin, even even-tempered ones like Ah Tabai, get when they learn about the inhibitor chips. Within hours, the Kenways, including Adéwalé, have hijacked at least ten Star Destroyers and are organising mass brain surgeries the likes of which no-one has ever seen before.

Altaïr Ibn La'Ahad and Malik Al-Sayf take one look at Anakin Skywalker and immediately realise that he's basically exactly like Altaïr at the beginning of AC1 and move immediately to stop this train wreck.

To that end, Anakin is forced to go on missions with Ratonhnhaké:ton, despite the fact that they are just enough alike to not like one another, although as Altaïr and Obi-Wan planned they do end up bonding over their extremely similar early lives and Connor helps Anakin learn his own compromise.

A key part of their bonding, however, comes when the Assassins convince the Jedi to let them dismantle the Hutts and replace them, given its not the first criminal empire they've supplanted. The liberation of Tattooine is also when they actually come to blows, though, because Anakin is not shy about his opinions of the Tuskens and Ratonhnhaké:ton is... familiar with the demonisation of an indigenous population, and does not take kindly to it.

Kassandra has absolutely no idea why she's here, as far as she's concerned both the Jedi and the Assassins are a band of crazies, she's not even like Bayek (who's going through some shit because he doesn't know how to explain to every Assassin born pre-Altaïr that he cut his finger off by accident), so naturally the first chance she gets she books it off Coruscant, possibly with Eivor in tow, to become a bounty hunter, which is about as close as this place gets to a misthios. Naturally, because the universe is determined that neither Kassandra nor Eivor can have a boring life, Eivor gets headhunted by Hondo Ohnaka and Kassandra falls in with Asajj Ventress, and yes you can read that last one any way you like.

Pretty much all the Assassins born before it are absolutely fascinated by the concept of democracy. Then they attend one (1) Senate meeting, and their opinion on the concept dims a bit. Padmé Amidala, then, can be praised for nearly singlehandedly reinvigorating several Assassins opinion on democracy in one conversation.

That being said, there are only a few senators that most Assassins can stand, and some of the more hot-blooded Assassins may be planning coup d'etats on several planets and keeping very quiet about it when the Jedi are around. For obvious reasons, they all get along very well with Cham Syndulla, and Evie Frye is halfway through convincing the Mentors to induct his daughter Hera as the first new member of the Brotherhood in this galaxy.

Without the Dark Side blocking their Eagle Vision, or the decades of experience with his friendly persona, most of the Assassins pretty quickly figure out that Palpatine is at the least involved in the conspiracy behind the Clone Wars (to be fair, all of them are pretty experienced with finding out who's involved in grand conspiracies). The issue then becomes proving it. Their first plan involves walking up to Palpatine in the halls of the Senate and saying 'Oy, Sith Lord, yes or no'. This predictably fails, and Jacob Frye is taken off the planning team for this case.

[kimmyyang]

210408 Zhang Zhehan's interview with Elle Magazine

"I want to be like Ah-Xu, be a gentle yet strong person."

On the day of the photoshoot, it was a rare windy day in Bei Hai. The weather forecast reported it will rain, which made everyone slightly heart-stricken. "Can we still take photos by the seaside?", "how about changing the location?", we were worrying, but fortunately it didn’t rain, only left with steer drop in temperature and roaring wind.

On the way to the photoshoot location, Zhang Zhehan recorded the sound of wind outside of the window. To be able to use the last bit of daylight before the sun sets completely, after filming, he only had one hour and a bit to go back to the hotel, have dinner, change clothes, and get his makeup done. And now, when we have done everything, he uses the time in the car to chat with the long-waited fans in the drama interactive zone.

Busy is an expected state. But when we saw him at the location, you can’t tell any trace of being busy from his face. The strong wind blew the gravels on the beach in the sky. During the interval of the photoshoot, everyone couldn’t help but complained about the cold wind and getting sand all over their faces. Only Zhang Zhehan looked more relaxed as if he came back from a different beach as us.

When we moved to the coffee shop, we finally had time to sit down and talk. He asked the staff to give him a cushion for his back, at that moment, it was probably the first time that made us realize that he is actually very tired. "It’s tough and tiring to be an actor, right?" we haven’t even finished the sentence, and he disagreed, "it’s all the same, every job is tough and tiring."

It seems that he has a big heart.

He chose to ride to Tibet with his friend for his graduation trip. Like his mum said he always has the spirit of seeking out suffering. Speaking of this journey, he said: "we’re living too happily, most families don’t have to worry about clothes and food, don’t need to go through a lot of hardships. I like what Huang Lei teacher once said, ‘people will only have faith after suffering, people will understand kindness after suffering.’ I think after seeing the suffering in the world and feel the suffering yourself - you will be kind to others."

After hearing what he said, you will realize that ‘big heart’ could have been a misunderstanding. He can’t dilute ‘sufferings’ more than others, instead, in the moments of ‘seeking out sufferings’, his feeling towards ‘sufferings’ is stronger and more abundant compared to most people.

He has a very meticulous side, he feels, understands, and hides his ‘sufferings’. Then, those experiences and feelings related to sufferings become something that is hard for others to spot on him.

He said, "when we’re going through a hardship, we can only see the hardship itself, you don’t realize that it’s actually reminding you something and teaching you something else." This is also his understanding of being mature – you can see the many sides of one thing.

‘Bruce Almighty’， ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’， ‘The Bucket List’ are his favorite movies. He said, "there’s a line from Bruce Almighty that left a deep impression – do you really hope God will give you happiness? Maybe everyone’s interpretation of happiness is different, but in the movie, the protagonist only realized it at the end, God was giving him happiness, but not the so-called happiness, God taught him the ability to gain happiness." He pressed his thumb again his chin, slightly looking down, earnestly sharing his impression of the movie.

He added, "you’re actually changing your perspective of the problem." Like what he wrote before, "being mature is being able to see the things that you couldn’t see before."

Maybe if the settling time is long enough, you will be able to stay calm in the change of tides and guard yourself in the quicksand under your feet. Speaking of popularity, he was calmer than we expected.

He said, "popularity is very important for an actor. I think it’s complementary, when you’re popular, you will receive more attention. You will be able to carry some things on your shoulders, first, it can prove that you have the ability, second, it can prove you’re acknowledged by the market."

He continued, "as actors, we also need to be acknowledged by the market. I have seen some amazing actors, they put so much effort into every character but maybe haven’t been acknowledged by the market yet, so they remain unknown. Therefore, a lot of great characters won’t fall into their hands.” It sounds cruel but it’s an undeniable fact. He added, “if you’re not popular, good scripts won’t even land in your hands."

The success of ‘Word of Honor’, to Zhang Zhehan, is like winning the lottery.

He said, "the success of a drama depends on timing, geographical and social conditions, none of these is dispensable. There are hundreds and thousands of dramas filmed each year, but in the end, there will only be one or two that everyone would love. That kind of feels like winning the lottery."

Working hard is very common, it’s nothing special, he thinks it’s unreasonable if you just use ‘working hard’ and ask why you are ‘under appreciated’. Just like how everyone praises him for being an experiential actor and praises his immersive acting. But he thinks, this is the passing line to be an actor, this is what actors are supposed to do.

He said, "if you’re an actor and you don’t experience the character, how could you portray it well, if you don’t get into the character, how could you make the character come to life?"

Working hard, experiencing, and immersing… he views them as a refined definition of actor, these are the preconditions of the lottery ticket. As for whether you can win the lottery in the end, no one can predict it. At least in his experience, he waited for 11 years for that winning lottery ticket.

After the filming ended, he wrote ‘jianghu, goodbye’ on Weibo, when the last episode aired, it was exactly 6 months after the last day of filming. His Weibo is on the setting of showing only the recent 6 months’ posts, as if it was a ‘long been destined’ farewell.

Perhaps the character Zhou Zi Shu is destined to be his. During the four months of filming, he had to gradually reveal Zhou Zi Shu’s two thousand layers of gray, he had to find him, become him, and lastly live the rest of his life for him.

Actors are probably all like this, they always must pour in their own life, emotions, and experience to make the character come to life. The process of making the character come to life means the actors get to experience life and emotions once again.

"Life is experience, you need to put some of your experiences into your characters."

Hegel mentioned in ‘Lectures on Aesthetics’ - 艺术通过供观照的形象可以缓和最酷烈的悲剧命运, 使它成为欣赏的对象。(thank you @sixteenthshen for providing the original quote!)

the specific lines zzh mentioned is bolded: If we are in a general way permitted to regard human activity in the realm of the beautiful as a liberation of the soul, as a release from constraint and restriction, in short, to consider that art does actually alleviate the most overpowering and tragic catastrophes by means of the creations it offers to our contemplation and enjoyment, it is the art of music which conducts us to the final summit of that ascent to freedom.

The reason why those so-called pains are endowed with aesthetic tension may lie in ‘being watched with pleasure’. Those most beautiful things aren’t been torn in our real lives, they become one ‘tearing performance’ after another, being shown on the stage, shown on the screen. The existence of aesthetic distance made ‘those so-called pains’ into something that can be bearable, having its own appreciation.

That so-called ‘pain’ experience comes more direct towards actors, there’s not much room for leeway. In his previous interview, he commented that Zhou Zi Shu is the most memorable character, the character that hurt him the most. Talking about ‘getting hurt’ again, he thinks that is unavoidable.

"I say that an actor has to get into the character and get out of character quickly. But when you’re acting in a happy scene, that happy feeling might last for a day or few days. When you’re acting in a sad, heart-broken scene, even you say it’s ok, it’s fine, it won’t affect me. But it will affect your mood, including your actions. When I go back to my room, I can’t help but to think about that scene, I might not be willing to go out and walk around."

"So, do you think acting is a process of wearing yourself out and wearing emotions down?"

"Of course, of course, of course, it’s wearing myself out." He said of course three times consecutively, "it’s not just wearing my emotions down, it also wears my physical strength out, wears my experience out, and a lot of my own things. So, if I want to do well in a piece of work, I can’t go into the next crew right after I have finished filming. Because you will have traces of the last piece of work, it’s actually hard to accept and get into the next character."

"I personally really like to stay in the filming crew, the reason why I said Zhou Zi Shu is great is that we couldn’t have any other work due to COVID-19 restrictions. I was in the crew for 4 months, in peace. I was looking into and experiencing the character carefully."

On the day of the interview, the Q&A part about acting was the most ‘unrestrained’. Every time we throw out a question, we would always get a powerful and resonating reply. From the perspective of a bystander, you could feel that he is the kind of person that is shining in his professional field.

At the end of every drama/ film, he would choose to leave that environment, and go out to have fun for few days. "I’m not insisting that I need to disengage from the drama/ film, I just want to relax, return to myself, return to Zhang Zhehan’s life."

"So, when you’re looking at Zhou Zi Shu again now as a viewer, do you have any different sentiment?"

"Of course, I would think of the funny parts and incidents. A lot of interesting bits that I’ve added in myself, you can see it in the character." Fortunately, as an actor, he can also feel the happiness that ordinary viewers have.

In our conversation, the words that he mentioned the most were 'gentle yet strong'.

"I really like netizens' comments that Zhou Zi Shu is gentle yet strong."

"The quality that I admire the most now is gentle yet strong."

"I feel like now I want to be like Ah-Xu, someone who is gentle yet strong."

"I want to be like Ah-Xu, become a bit gentler."

He thinks this seemingly contradictory combination is very interesting, "strong describes a person who is strong, whereas gentle is soft. These two words may seem to have no connection, but when they’re put together, it’s also a perfect connection."

"I didn’t feel this way before. I used to think people have to be strong, powerful, how can you be gentle yet strong? I think that’s something I need to learn now. This person must make everyone around them feel comfortable and think of others, but at the same time he/ she is also an individual who’s very strong and full of capabilities."

"Like water, it’s like this when it’s calm, it’s like that when it’s surging high."

He used as many hand gestures as he could as he wanted to express what’s on his mind as much as possible.

Gentle yet strong, this is what he saw, felt from Zhou Zi Shu, and it’s also the character experience he most wants to leave behind.

"Speaking of what hasn’t changed for 11 years, is that I’m still acting; speaking of changes there are a lot. All these years of experience, it became my understanding of each character, in contrast, 11 years of acting experience allowed me to learn a lot from my characters."

To him, every big or small character he had in the past 11 years is a mutual encounter, he gave something to the characters, and the characters also left him with something.

Those who have seen his acting praise him that he truly understands Zhou Zi Shu, so we asked how he could stand in the perspective of Zhou Zi Shu to understand his words and actions. He doesn’t think that it was understanding, it just naturally happened.

"I didn’t deliberately try to understand him, I think what he did was just following his heart, that’s how I feel, so that’s how it should be. I would ask if it was myself, can I do that? Is it acceptable? If I think it’s ok, then it’s right. If I think it’s unacceptable, I will definitely tell the director - 'I don’t want to act this way.'"

"I read another book today, the main idea is the most important thing for people is to know themselves. Know yourself, know what kind of person you are, then you will know the world. You need to learn how to reconcile with yourself, learn how to communicate with yourself, tell yourself when you need to keep going, when to compromise, when you need to understand, when you need to be strong… you need to keep being yourself and convince yourself at certain times."

Meeting Zhou Zi Shu, to Zhang Zhehan is also the process of meeting and knowing himself. "But I’m probably not as mighty as Zhou Zi Shu," he laughed.

He thinks that he’s not at the age of looking back, the things that have happened, just let them go. "There’s nothing to remember in particular, there’s nothing memorable. And my occupation, a lot of people will remember for you, they will remember your good, remember your various moments, so I don’t need to remember. What I need to do now is to live well, my current life, future life, and get into the next role."

"When I can’t act anymore, I think I will look back more."

Now, he wants to challenge a new area, "I really want to act in movies, act in more movies. 40 episodes of acting and 2 hours of acting are different, condensed acting is the quintessence. I still need to learn how to act well in the 2 hours."

And "I hope I can be a director one day."

The beautiful scenery in spring is as deep and wide as the sea, it’s fortunate that we get to meet.

"My occupation, many people will remember every moment of yours."

"Immerse into my next character, and live well - that's what I need to do now. "

Translation by: KIMMYYANG

[shoichee]

ALSO CAN I ASK FOR SOME RANDOM GOM HCS U HAVE? like just random ones u have or if u want like some toxic hcs abt them :D

I’m assuming that I can include their negative traits of their personalities as well 👀 Also including Momoi in this… lots of analyzing for this hc, so I used my brain here pls appreciate AGAIN these are all headcanons/interpretations of possible toxic hcs about them and only a few are canon

[Headcanons]

Kuroko Tetsuya

Kuroko is the hardest person to find a “negative/toxic” trait in, and it doesn’t seem like he has any

kind, understanding, hardworking, and compassionate; he’s everything a good-natured protagonist is

but he’s only like this to people/hobbies he cares about/close with; anything else he’s quite apathetic and also very passive/neutral about

the biggest hint to this is when Akashi criticizes Kuroko for cherry-picking who the GoMs should “go all out against” and who to casually toy with

and Akashi is absolutely correct

most of the series is portrayed through Kuroko’s perspective, and Akashi is the first direct outside perspective who comments on his actions/attitude

it’s obviously not that Kuroko didn’t “notice”... he clearly sees and knows what these GoMs are doing; after all, he had a conversation with Aomine about how observant he is to everything around him

of course, if you were close to him, all your opinions and issues matter to him

it’s the fact that what’s not really important to him is suddenly now important just because someone he knows is involved

just an example: if someone was advocating climate change, he has no opinion on it until someone he knows cares about the issue

in other words, he has a subtle hypocritical view on things, especially when he interacts with others

another clear negative trait could be that he’s too idealistic or perhaps naive, seeing things in a clear black-or-white picture and not necessarily a gray area

WE know, as an audience, that the GoMs honestly needed therapy and a proper adult to guide their out-of-control talents

but Kuroko, in his eyes, had viewed them as “bad” and “evil” in their ways of basketball until they changed after their respective matches

he’s probably someone who doesn’t yield to other opinions once he forms his own, and this may make him unable to consider things in other people’s perspectives

which is again, ironic: someone who doesn’t have generally a strong stance but once they do, it’s very unyielding, which further proves Akashi’s comment about Kuroko’s tendency to nitpick which to care about

a final hc about a potential flaw he might have here in a different ask!

Kise Ryota

y’all… it’s as canon as day that he has a mean side

straight from the author himself, it’s confirmed that Kise is only kind to those who he respects, and to the rest, he’s cold-hearted

in the manga, it’s very clear that he’s super judgmental on every first impression on people he meets, boxing them into categories based on the way they look, act, and speak

only when they surpass his preset expectations (low or high depends on his preliminary judgments of them) is when he opens his mind to the rest of their personality

this is a very close-minded way of thinking, and I hope I don’t need to explain why LOL

this can be interpreted as him being two-faced by the majority of the people in his school

his way of speaking can definitely be very cruel and crass, and to sensitive people, his words can easily shatter hearts

Kise’s negative/toxic traits are pretty straightforward here, so let’s move on

Midorima Shintarou

his harsh words can be considered a “negative” part of his personality, but I think it’s a lot more than just that

it’s confirmed in the series that he’s a bystander and almost always minds his own business

on one hand, one can say he’s self-driven and that he constantly strives for self-improvement

on the other, it can be interpreted as him being very dangerously ambitious and selfish, in which most actions he takes are for the sole reason of self-improvement and not for altruistic reasons

for example, when he helped Kuroko and Kagami in the training camp, it was under the reasoning that them becoming stronger would be a good challenge for himself to test and learn

that’s not to say that he can’t have friends, but most friendships he’s built are with capable people who can potentially provide him with some new beneficial skill/goal to strive towards

after all, he’s only learned to trust Takao as a friend only after seeing him as someone capable

because he’s so focused on himself, he’s extremely likely to turn a blind eye to injustice, most also likely to use Oha Asa to justify their “misfortunes” as he continues on his day

he’s not cold-hearted, but altruism comes by Midorima a lot rarer than the average person

now, we know that his Oha Asa aspect is used to balance his serious side as the “comedic side” of him, but if we really think about it, his obsessions with the horoscopes could be a huge obstacle in the future, where he may refuse to listen/depend on others in favor of his own intuition and the stars; after all, no one knows everything, and depending on the stars as one’s next source of advice and guidance isn’t a sound decision to commit themselves to

he seems like the person who overthinks and jumps to conclusions when it comes to social situations, but instead of confronting the person, he turns to fate and fortune if Takao isn’t near to help

Aomine Daiki

I wouldn’t be surprised if Aomine had a skewed sense of beauty standards from all those magazines he consumed and from being around Momoi for the majority of his life

of course anyone can distinguish pieces of media from reality, but during the most impressionable years of life, without experiencing other types of people and physiques, he would have limited knowledge on what “beauty” is and whatnot

this probably would be more of a problem in his adolescence than adult

a very given negative trait is his short temper plus his tendency to turn to physical violence when someone nags him to a certain point, seen with how he’s treated Wakamatsu in the beginning (though this seems to almost disappear by the end of the series)

what I’ve noticed in every scene he’s in, is that everything seems to revolve around him and his hobbies of basketball and Japanese idols

what I mean is that everytime we see Aomine, it’s always Momoi approaching to Aomine or just him always being the center of attention; never once has he approached Momoi for anything and it’s always been the other way around

in other words, people have to cater to him in order to get along with him/be in good graces (additional example: Imayoshi letting him do as he pleases to get him to be cooperative and participate in the games)

we’ve actually never seen Momoi’s hobbies outside of being a manager for her basketball teams and just anything basketball-related

he can be quite apathetic, choosing to only pay attention and try in things he’s interested in… which is basketball and those magazines

he seems to mature in the Last Game though, so I’m not quite sure to what extent these headcanons would apply to older Aomine (these also don’t really apply to Puremine)

Momoi Satsuki

the author probably also included this type of anime trope as comedy, but belittling another female for her body is definitely a no-go in reality; I feel like this is something most people gloss over really lightly

her body comments on Riko are actually what made me skeptical of her character at first before the show really shows her entire personality

that being said, it seems that she always takes the opportunity to look down on other girls (especially to those she is a stranger to) as a sort of “competition” when there’s boys around

definitely at certain moments, she screams a “pick-me girl” type of person (real phenomenon, you can search this up!)

while Kuroko doesn’t seem to actively mind this, I think she also has no good sense of boundaries and what’s considered appropriate touch and consent; people can chalk this up to “oh it’s just infatuation,” but this definitely isn’t okay if we really think about this

her life also seems to revolve around either Aomine or Kuroko, and based from that, I’d feel like she’d have a difficult time forming her own identity/life separate from her “manager life,” especially once she graduates from Touou

can definitely be interpreted as too clingy at certain moments, while others may think it’s her way of showing that she cares

Murasakibara Atsushi

most people would chalk up Murasakibara as “lazy,” and on the surface level, it does appear to look that way…

I think his true negative trait is that he has a lack of intrinsic motivations to drive him to do things

it’s different from being lazy; someone can be lazy while still having a goal, and certainly someone can be lazy while they’re motivated by thoughts of “I want to learn more,” “I want to get stronger,” etc. (you guys, it’s me right now in college)

and he doesn’t have that

part of this was contributed to the fact that he’s already so gifted with genetics and thus, there’s never been a goal for him to have to work towards to when he’s already at the top

he doesn’t actively seek out, and while that may be a characteristic of sloth, it’s not exactly right either

he willingly does things if people around him give him the motivations/reasons to do so; a person of sloth wouldn’t do anything even with all the motivations and goals handed right to their face

snacks/food are examples of extrinsic motivations that fuel him to carry on daily life

Himuro is always the main motivator for Murasakibara to come out and watch matches, and he also does whatever Akashi orders in both Teiko and present days // a person who can give the giant the motivation to do tasks would get along with him the most

searching out for a challenge against his basketball skills is something that’s never crossed his mind

why? he grew to be like the way he is because of the lack of results from his “search” of a challenge throughout his games

again, it’s only when Murasakibara gets handed a silver-platter of a challenge, Jason Silver, that actively gets him pumped up and raring to go

as such, Murasakibara is equivalent to a rusty machine, extremely difficult to start up and find compatibility with, but very powerful and efficient once he finds that spark

Murasakibara finding any partner or friend in the future would be extremely difficult because he ticks a different tune from the rest

Akashi Seijuro

his entire Bokushi side was a giant-ass red flag for very obvious reasons LOL anyways, moving on…

it’s difficult to pinpoint a negative characteristic for Oreshi because he’s the pinnacle of a gentleman character… but that technically is also his negative trait

for him to maintain that perfect image for himself and others, he has always carried himself in such a way that doesn’t allow for errors or expressions of “weakness”

thus, bottling up his frustrations and emotions to the point of no return is something very familiar to Akashi, and I’d feel like Bokushi is the result of his overflowing emotions left unchecked in the first place

I also predict that if Akashi continues to carry himself without letting himself wind down and feel emotions on the spot rather than locking it up inside him, a day will come when he splits into two halves again with a “new” Bokushi to deal with his current life (and let the current Oreshi take a backseat in his psyche to take a break from the turmoil)

also will tend to overwork himself to manage people’s expectations as well as his own, and he’s not one to depend on people not because he sees them as inferior or incapable, but because he’s doing this out of habit from being in positions of authority and responsibility for much of his life

and so, he may tend to hide important things or just not speak about his problems in general to those close to him because he feels like he can do it all himself and spare everyone the work and stress associated with them (a leader mentality)

throughout the majority of his life being calm and calculated, his emotions would definitely escape from him in forms of uncontrollable lashes of anger… before he would realize what he’s done… that is, assuming that another Bokushi hasn’t form within his subconscious yet

[flightofaqrow]

YOUR CHARACTER IN FIVE QUOTES!

( repost, do not reblog. ) Tell us your favorite quotes from your character. Give us an idea of who they are by five things they’ve said.

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Alright, buckle up, I’m stealing this meme and repurposing it for my own use. Probably more than five, and including some quotes from others about him, though I’m going to try to keep it in groupings, and also not meant to be exhaustive of qrow’s character, but rather, to point out some very poignant lines that have effected my portrayal and... some possibly in an unpopular way compared to what I’ve seen in the fandom? I think Qrow Branwen is more complex than fitting the broody broken boi trope would give credit for (though he at least fits it as an overall stereotype).

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1) I’m absolutely sure Qrow had a rough start and transition from the tribe to ‘civilized society’, coupled with typical teenage hormones and mood swings, but generally, Beacon was a good time, and he sees himself as a good huntsman, and (though we may joke about it sometimes) he absolutely does not have an active nor passive death wish.

Yeah, yeah, I know he has a song all about how he self depreciates and carries shame, but that’s a theme of his attitude, not backed up to be every single aspect of his life by actual canon. Quite the contrary. 

I don’t know where fndm gets the idea that he constantly lost his battles (especially to Raven) or was perpetually looked down on or stayed an angsty, broody teenager (who could never possibly have ever even breathed a single happy breath on his own without Summer??) all four years. As if school was hell and he never came into his own until STRQ was a graduated unit or something? If ever?

Leo tells Raven she and her brother are evenly matched. Raven herself - who takes pride in being stronger and more clever than others - describes them as a pair: “we were good.”

“you're talking to a member of the coolest team that graduated Beacon! ...we were pretty well known back in the day. ...hey, we looked good! and I have a number of inappropriate stories to back that up!”

“let me tell ya, these kids are way better than we were at their age. ...well, not better than me, specifically...”

“a professional huntsman like myself is expected to get results as soon as possible.”

The way Qrow talks about his past, as well as carrying a memento of team STRQ around with him, it’s very nostalgic for better times. The way he talks about his work, if not himself, can actually be to the point of being self-aggrandizing, instead of depreciating. He’s even able to admit that his dreaded semblance, Misfortune, “comes in handy in a fight.”

“lots of us thought you were just layin' low. eventually, we just came to accept that you were probably dead. but the stories about you, i based my weapon off of yours. i wanted to be as good as the Grimm Reaper.”

Qrow talks about himself as striving to be better. It seems he never really sees himself as reaching that standard, but it certainly implies he knows he’s not at the bottom - he had an ideal he wanted to reach and likely worked towards. Notice the use of “us” and “we” as well - he talks about himself as part of a group of larger huntsfolk circles. Who knows if this refers to students or licensed professionals or both, but this heavily, heavily implies that he was more than just a sad, outside loner, at least for a time; he chatted with others and traded stories about goings-on and missions and idols.

Somewhat related and leading into...

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2)  At least around this blog, Qrow does not have an inferiority complex because of Raven.

Does he have some internalized shame about being soft that he can’t quite shake? A few insecurities about being unwanted compared to her natural leadership and competence? Yes. Does he consciously view himself as lesser than her? No. 

Also... he’s not co-dependent on her. To a degree, for while? Yeah, there was probably an unhealthy reliance going on there. But Qrow and Raven establish themselves with their own identities at some point, they’d have to, to chose different paths so stubbornly. There’s a rift there, eventually, if not always having been at odds in some ways and comfort in others.

“Raven's got an interesting way of looking at the world that I don't particularly agree with. [The weak die, the strong live. Those are the rules.]”

“...they were killers and thieves.”

We are shown that the twins were raised with this weak/strong dichotomy. Raven bought into it, but Qrow explicitly separates himself from that belief. Shown again when he mocks Raven with, “because that was your rule, right?”

He believes in true family, he believes in protecting the weak, he believes in doing good, he believes in standing up for what’s right. He may not like being emotionally vulnerable, but he shows softness and kindness to others, and for as much as he likes his flourish when fighting, he also isn’t afraid to look an absolute fool either.

He is shown de-escalating conflict time and again, even if he also falls back into violent, defensive patterns at times, too. He resents Raven for the choices she made, and as far as I interpret, thinks she’s the lesser one for running away and abandoning her family and her mission. (Meanwhile, she thinks the same of him for turning his back on the tribe.)

He all but spits on the tribe’s way of life, is willing to attack them outright to get the Spring Maiden. Why would he judge himself by those standards any longer? No, he lives by his own code, a huntsman’s code, and even has some pride in that. It’s why he can call Clover out on it. It’s why he folds when Robyn holds him to it.

It’s why it hurts when he finds out what gave him more meaning, aligned more with his own heart, than the tribe’s dogma may not actually have any purpose at all...

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3) There’s so much to unpack here:

“No one wanted me... I was cursed... I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world... I thought I was finally doing some good... Meeting you... was the worst luck of my life...”

No one wanted him? I believe this means the tribe, maybe even Raven, maybe trying to make friends, but no one until Oz? Does this include STRQ? I have trouble reconciling that one with everything else we’re shown. I still maintain he was part of bigger circles, but we get confirmation that these were probably fleeting or superficial. He knew people and was known, but no one stuck around.  Also more confirmation of his values. Gave me a place sounds like so much more than refocusing to me. It’s not gave me a direction, not told me what to do, it’s took who i am and gave that person a place to thrive - despite the bad that comes with - to work towards something better. Just like he always wanted.

But then he backtracks. What is it he regrets?  We do know how he likes to go into dramatic hyperbole about these things when he’s upset. [eg. “we’re not family anymore.” “i shouldn’t have come. i shouldn’t have let any of you come.” “we can kill the man who put us here.” “gone. like everybody else.”] (I love that crwby lets their characters do it. we all say things we don’t mean in the moment, give voice to those intrusive thoughts.)

I’ve talked before about how I picture him having flashes of all the lives he could have had instead. Would he have gone back with Raven and at least still had her? Would he just have been a normal huntsman defending people from Grimm without the crushing extra knowledge? Might he have been able to have a relationship or family of his own had he not signed up for the vagabond spy life? Does he just resent losing Summer and Raven because of how things went down? We don’t know, and I think the point is that he probably doesn’t either, but the weight of sacrificing all those alternatives and putting so much faith in Ozpin, stacking so much of his life’s work and identity on being part of the inner circle, comes crashing down on him all at once. 

also quite fitting...

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4) "Nice place to raise a family. ...If you're ...into that sort of thing."

This is from his World of Remnant narration, talking about Patch, but it hits so damn hard. The softness and warmth in the first half of the statement, followed by the harsh need to qualify it in regards to his own outlook... We learn all we need to know about his opinion of the subject. 

We see the conflict right there - the possibility of such a thing brings a wholesome lilt to his voice, yet he implies that it’s not something he personally intends to pursue. Is that because he doesn’t want it or because he thinks he can’t or shouldn’t have it? I don’t think that’s clear, and he may not know either. 

At the very least, I fall into the camp of him believing he doesn’t want it. Combine that with the fact that he does pick up that spy life, which makes keeping his distance a necessity, and makes settling down near impossible, and then he definitely knows it’s not in the cards for him. 

So I think it ultimately falls somewhere between. Why would he make the commitment to being a lone spy if he had dreams of love and a family? ...But then why would he resent making the sacrifice of that possibility later if he didn’t? 

Having his nieces around probably softened him up to the idea, but he’d already made his decision by that point. He’s also solid and generally happy with his choices at the point it would most matter. He’s married to his job. He’s fulfilling his missions well, in well-suited ways for his strengths and flaws. He has his nieces around as a balm on any sort of biological clock. He has his purpose with Oz.  Until he doesn’t.

This is an incredibly long-winded way of restating that one of the headcanon hills I do stand to die on is: Gray-romantic Qrow.

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5) “some people are just born unlucky... my semblance isn't like most - it's not exactly something i... do.”

I am constantly confused by the amount of people trying to do character analysis around Misfortune and Qrow based on standard semblance lore, when he has yet again stated explicitly to the contrary. We all have carte blanche ya’ll. We can do whatever we want with this, because he’s already told us his semblance breaks the rules. 

My full headcanon for it is here and my opinion about the direction I hope it takes is here but tl;dr

Unless we learn otherwise, there are very, very few ways I believe Misfortune is a reflection of Qrow’s soul, if at all. This is from the first headcanon, but it’s worth restating, because it’s important to me, aaand fits the theme of pulling in some quotes from other characters:

Everyone likes to quote Ren and his description of someone’s personality being incorporated into a semblance. I don’t buy it for qrow. Here’s the FULL quote: “A common philosophy is that a warrior’s Semblance is a part of who they are. Some say your personality and character can define your Semblance while some claim that it is the other way around. Of course, there are still many who don’t see a connection at all.”

So unless we find out otherwise I will also die on the hill that qrow is an example of the middle part. Qrow’s personality/soul has nothing to do with why his semblance is what it is, but being forced to grow up and live with Misfortune has defined him tremendously.

OKAY, there are some smaller quick ones, but I’ll stick to my five points like I promised at least, and maybe do a lesser version some other time. :]

[mercyandmagic]

Hi, mercyandmagic thank you for answering my asks... :D

Don't know if you remember, but I've asked before of your top 5 fav mxtx characters, and you've answered yours. If you don't mind me asking, can I ask you, why you like those characters (in a longer asnwer)? Sorry, if I ask you similar question again......

Yessss. This gonna be long. We’ll start from 5th and work our way to #1. 

5. Wei Wuxian

First, there’s just something incredibly refreshing about an untamed (ahem) character who says the thing everyone thinks but won’t dare say. It is my second-favorite character trope (We’ll get to the first). Plus, he has a great sense of justice and a self-sacrificing spirit... and yet he is capable of great cruelty, sadism, and hurting others to vent his pain (Nightless City, Wen Chao). Believe it or not, the fact that he has done great evil he cannot undo makes me love him more... because he knows it.  

In Chapter 68, when he’s confronted, he doesn’t deny killing Fang Mengchen’s parents, nor taking Yi Weichun’s leg. He doesn’t show anger at their valid pain; he merely points out that nothing he can do now will undo the damage he caused. 

He also has a low tolerance for BS and a high level of empathy. The fact that he scoffs at the cultivators gossiping against Jin Guangyao, the fact that he isn’t happy they have a new scapegoat, speaks a lot. Plus, he can easily understand why the Hook Hand’s final victim needs to scream (Ch. 124), why Jin Guangyao spared Sisi (Ch. 111) and made the Guanyin Temple (Ch. 110), why Nie Huaisang doesn’t want to admit what he did (Ch. 110), etc. Wei Wuxian is just great.

4. Qin Su

She deserves far more appreciation than she gets. She was involved in the Sunshot Campaign. When society judged Jin Guangyao and Meng Shi for their status, Qin Su never did. She loved the man who saved her life. She was willful enough to be the pursuer in her relationship with Jin Guangyao (Ch. 47), and was open to sleeping with him to ascertain their marriage (Ch. 106). She’s naive and trusting, despite losing her son. She’s loyal AF even to Bicao, even though Bicao literally sold her out for jewelry (ahem, Ch. 85). 

Qin Su. only has a short side role in the larger novel, but she’s a fully developed human.  That’s incredible.

3. Lan Wangji

I relate to Lan Wangji more than any of the other characters. Not being able to communicate, or being afraid to – relatable. Plus, having grown up fundamentalist Christian, I find the way in which Lan Wangji’s stubborn rule-following gives way to a willingness to break the rules when it does no harm or helps those he loves... inspiring. Like, he goes from having himself beaten for being pulled outside the Cloud Recesses (something this scrupulosity-sufferer relates to very well) to giving Wei Wuxian the Emperor’s Smile hidden in the Jingshi (Ch. 65).  

If I may add, I read MDZS around the same time I watched GOT Season 8. There’s a similarity in how Wei Wuxian and Daenerys Targaryen have murderous breakdowns after losing everything and everyone close to them. And yet instead of putting Wei Wuxian down like a dog (side eyes Jon Snow), Lan Wangji takes him away, tries to save him, still believes he is capable of good. In his own words, he’s “willing to bear all of the consequences with [Wei Wuxian].” Lan Wangji believes in redemption, in chance after chance. He’s refreshing in a world that believes one deed can stain you forever. I love him.

2. Lan Xichen

He’s just... good? Like, really good? He has to balance leading a clan with a society that is very Not Good, and this definitely leads to some gray points (The Wens, saying nothing in support of Mianmian, etc). But he, like Qin Su, refuses to judge people for origins. He always has to see the good in others – as Ch. 105 says, “whenever he heard there might be hidden reasons, he just had to hear it.” Lan Xichen wants to know and sympathize with everyone’s reasons. That’s just... wonderful. 

It’s notable that his whereabouts for the First Siege of the Burial Mounds are unknown. Lan Qiren led the Gusu Lan Clan, not Lan Xichen (Ch. 68). Which makes me speculate that while he thought Wei Wuxian was done for, he couldn’t bear to participate in killing the man his brother loved.   

He’s a touch avoidant, as seen when he tells Wei Wuxian he does not want to know why his mother killed his father’s teacher (Ch. 64). (I will also defend him agains the charges that he was wrong to try to reconcile Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao – they were his friends and Lan Xichen believed in them. Those two made their own choices, and it was Not Lan Xichen’s Fault). 

Anyhow, he’s good. And he loves Jin Guangyao. I know MXTX said she did not write a romance with them, and I don’t think they ever would have cheated on Qin Su. But that does not diminish that Lan Xichen’s seclusion at the end of the novel, is described as “exactly reversed” from when Lan Wangji was mourning Wei Wuxian (Ch. 114).  

1. Jin Guangyao

My favorite character. trope, the sneaky bastard with daddy issues! What makes Jin Guangyao stand out even among all my favorite sneaky bastards is that... his actions are so very gray that IMO he’s not even really a villain.

For real, what did Jin Guangyao do? Kill his brother who tried to kill him first and was slowly losing his grip on reality and hurting him and Nie Huaisang anyways? (Ch. 49, 50) It was still wrong – and I firmly believe that the motivation was payback for ‘son of a prostitute,’  (as Wei Wuxian suggests, Ch. 104) and not safety – but my point remains. (Plus there’s the implication that Jin Guangshan willed it, too). (Ch. 106).

Married his lover after discovering she was his sister to keep her from being an unwed mother? (Ch. 106) In that situation, I wish he had told Qin Su so she could choose, too, but I fail to find anything condemnable in Jin Guangyao’s actions there. 

Furthermore, when writing “Sentiment” and now “Sunlit Jade,” what I’ve been struck by is that most of his misdeeds end with killing Jin Guangshan. 

The possible exception is Jin Rusong (and since our main source for the idea of cold-blooded filicide and framing of an innocent clan leader is Clan Leader Yao, I am highly skeptical). And Xue Yang remaining alive, but again, we don’t know if Jin Guangyao chose to let him go with a warning/beating severe enough to disable his leg, or if Jin Guangyao truly meant to kill him (I favor the former position, but it’s open for interpretation).

Now, how Jin Guangyao kills and the fact that he does kill his father is wrong. Burning the brothel? Wrong, though I understand his hatred of that place and the people there. Killing the He Clan? Wrong, but 1) it’s on his father’s orders, and 2) he has a rather intriguing reaction when Xue Yang shuts He Su in alive with the corpses. (Ch. 118). 

He looks for something to “comfort” himself. 

This is strange, because he’s previously been a torturer (Ch. 47). What is more torture to him? 

I don’t know the answer, but it speaks to someone who suffers a lot, who did a lot of terrible things in pursuit of a love from his father that never came. And someone who, once he gains power in the position of Chief Cultivator, implements a program to save more commoners’ lives than ever before (Ch. 42).

That’s not the action of a villain.

[Sidenote, and based off a comment that wryhun on AO3 once left me: What I love the most about Jin Guangyao, and MDZS as a whole, is depending on the perspective you take, anyone can be an antagonist or a protagonist.

Jiang Cheng can be Wei Wuxian’s tsundere shidi (reader perspective), or he can be the serial killer of demonic cultivators who refuses to help commoners with spirits unless people have already died (Innkeeper’s perspective, Ch. 92).

Nie Huaisang can be the avenging didi (often a fan’s perspective), or the person who treated the juniors like fodder, killed cats, and sliced up a woman’s body just for revenge (Wei Wuxian’s perspective in Ch. 110, Jin Guangyao’s perspective in Ch. 108).]  

Jin Guangyao is an antagonist because his goals conflict with Wei Wuxian’s. But he’s really no worse than many of the other characters, and in fact, while all have suffered, he’s arguably suffered some of the worst circumstances of all. 

He makes poor choices, although he insists he doesn’t have a choice. I believe that he believes he has no choice... but he does. And that is so very, very tragic. 

I love him and want the world (or really just Lan Xichen) for him. 

[spectre-of-communism]

I made a way too detailed interpretation of “The Mill” from PAFL

I'm using the transcript and the doc as well as Ferry's tumblr for reference. A lot of my interpretation is based on the video as well, so best watch it alongside this post :D

This is just my personal interpretation and probably wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Okay, let's do this. I'll be numbering the with timestamps as they are in the transcript for easier reference.

0:41: " “Two do the job, the third one is witness / Don’t shoot the guards, no need for guns” " not much to analyze in Sergei's briefing

0:44: "Check this / “Don’t go across, the longer road’s safer Watch as the bolt’s trajectory wavers” " going by visuals the bolt is used to find the objective of their mission (2:36 in the video)

0:48-0:55: "Learn in by heart, now the hardest part comes when / Staggering doubt paralyzes you and then / You fall apart like a house of cards, might as Well disregard it as a / cursory mantra" Yura should push trough the anxiety of going into the zone, it will go away

Starting from this line, I think Olya is the narrator for the first part of the video.

0:56: "Ah, my head feels heavy once again" She has been in the zone before and is haunted by her experiences there

0:59: "I wish I could dissolve myself in this rusty air" The Grinder is said to dissolve flesh and people. During the Grinder incident, in which she lost her right eye, Sergei saved her instead of Nikita's brother, Kolya. She is unsure if Sergei made the right call and thinks she should be the one who died there.

1:03: "It’s getting harder to act like I don’t really care" She sees the careless way Nikita and Yura interact, and is reminded of her younger self first exploring the Zone. She is struggling to keep up the cold facade she shows most of the series.

1:07: "I’m sorry but these earnest words of yours are just too much to bear" see above

The following part was in Russian, I used the translation from the transcript

1:11: "(I see you, the haze lingers above The pink arc of breaking dawn, A light just as distant as it was when we were children) "I strongly think the haze is connected to the grinder (see 2:30, message lost and my previous posts). Combined with the image of Kolya in the background that means she is remembering the Grinder incident. They were in their early twenties when it happened, still children in her eyes. The current mission reminds her of then.

1:16: "(And dirt, black dirt is spilling from our hands)" the black dirt is related to either to the Zone in general or the Grinder in particular. Compare also message lost: "To scour the blackened, soot-covered earth"

1:19: "(Wrapped in blue cloth, her pale ghost follows me Fog on the water -)" this is the line I am most unsure of, but here is my take, far-fetched as it may be: based on the video showing a younger Olya, I think "her pale ghost" is her past self, haunting her in the form of the trauma she experienced in the Grinder, clouding her vision.

1:23: "(The dawning haze lingers Like a gray duvet, above a quiet, quiet river) " another reference to the dead Kolya. "quiet river" might a reference to the proverb "quiet rivers run deep", either referring to Kolya as a person or, more metaphorical, to them underestimating the dangers of the Grinder

1:27: "I’ll draw a circle in the sand" the "circle in the sand" metaphor escapes me, although it might mean accepting her past and moving on, or maybe it is referring to "line in the sand" which she is not willing to cross. I find the second one unlikely without further context. Lastly. it could mean the opposite: her moving in circles and clinging to the past, not willing to let go yet. In my eyes the last interpretation is the most plausible.

1:29: "Drive myself around the bend" she is driving herself crazy, depending how you interpret 1:27 either trying to accept her past and move on, or desperately clinging to that what is gone

1:31: "In a desperate attempt to hold onto your battered hand"again, depending on your interpretation of 1:27 two possibilities spring to mind: either the "battered hand" is Kolya's, and she is trying to not forget him, or it is Nikita's or Sergei's, and she is trying to be as good as them at moving on

1:35: "Rocked to sleep beneath the snow" a metaphor Ferry likes to use for death (e.g. The Faulty Feline Philosophy, Dead Hand)

1:37: "She is bathed in youthful glow " I am pretty sure "she" is Nadya (gets clearer in the following lines, her face flashes at 1:49 in the video)

1:39: " "Strong enough to let it go" he says" Nikita claims to have gotten over her death

1:41: "but, darling, I don't know" but Olya doubts it

1:43: "This isn't my first time sinking lower than the low" Olya has had mental health problems or emotional outbursts due to the loss of Kolya

1:47: "How hard can it be to never let it overflow" so she thinks it's unlikely that Nikita could be unfazed by the loss of his girlfriend, his bottled up emotions need to be released at some point

1:50: "Oh, I've gotten used to being haunted long ago"doubles up on her not being able to move on from the loss of Kolya

1:54-1:56: "All I need to hear’s a simple / "hello"  " not entirely certain what this line refers to, but she connects "hello" either with Kolya or the incident

2:05-2:27: "Maybe it's because Olga is a woman, but... / You know, she actually has no Talent. / At all. / You mean... / Wait... Then how does she... / How is she even alive? / Well... They like to call it intelligence. Careful planning. / Though, really, all of those are just pretty ways of saying... / She lucks out."

I don't think there's a lot of deeper meaning here, Nikita's resentment that Olya was the one who returned is showing, and "Maybe it's because Olga is a woman" might be a reference to his girlfriend. That is just wild guessing at this point, tho.

From here on: Nikita's PoV. This part I am not too sure on, so if you have alternative ideas, let me know

2:28-2:33: "Right through the arc of breaking dawn / Through the haze and through the maw / Of the grinder I won't find her, but I'll guide you through them all" he knows that he won't ever find Nadya again, but he is still faithful to his mision

2:36-2:38: "No more circles left to find / In the windmills of this mind" he has thought about the past so much there is nothing else to do but move on

2:40-2:41: "Rest your members / Now, remember, dear, you’ve always been too kind" as the perceived leader he tells the group to rest, not sure who "dear" is

2:44: "Oh it’s nothing new, the visionless leading the blind" he calls Sergei visionless, he has no greater goal. He calls Olya blind, both in a literal sense after her loss of an eye, as well as metaphorical, as Olya never developed the sense for the Zone that makes a good stalker.

2:48: "It’s easy to say, “why don’t you leave it all behind” " he mirrors 1:39, he thinks Olya has moved on and he is the one stuck in the past. He thinks Olya is condescending towards him

2:52: "And this moral compass is forever misaligned " his perception of Olya is forever tainted and skewed,

2:56-2:59: "All I need to hear is that you’ll be there / By my side" but he still needs her support on missions

3:01: "But you can never know that" he does not want her to know that he relies on her, though.

3:03-3:05: " “Too strong to die” / Or was that me again?" not sure on this one. One possibility is that he mocks her cold attitude. Another is that he is projecting his own emotions onto her. Take this one however you want.

3:07-3:10: "I know that / There has to be some hope that’s / Just out of sight" he is hopeful that the future will be better

From here on: Sergei's PoV.

3:17: "I won’t let myself lose it again" He feels guilty for letting Kolya die and realizes he lost control and almost died himself

3.:19: "And now my only hope is that one day you’ll understand" He decides to keep Sanya under lock to protect her

3:23-3:24: "I’ll wrap the chain / Round my heart and her hammering neck" He will keep her metaphorically chained up to protect her from danger. At the same time he realizes that this will poison their relationship with his sister. Even so, he is willing to put her safety first, even if she will hate him for that.

3:27-3:29: "And save what’s left, though I know that / One day this weight will come to break my back" he is aware that his attempts to safeguard Sanya will one day backfire

From here on: Nikita's PoV again.

3:32:  "Once again we were left in the dust " Nikita thinks Yura and him are alike

3:34: "Self-hating ones like us crack when we betray someone’s trust" they are alike, and both feel like they violated somebodies trust (Nikita: Nadya, Yura: KT) and that is something that breaks them emotionally

3:38-3:40: " So if you must / Shield your heart with these layers of rust" Yura is distancing himself emotionally from those he loves, also note the parallel to False Disposition

3:42: "The sun will rise, until then I’ll" but better time will come

3:45: "Be waiting for you on the other side" Nikita will take a sort of mentor position for Yura

After seeing Nikita, who understands him so well, get shot, Yura overreacts and shoots the guard

[mariabumby]

Occult Concepts you might have missed in Good Omens

Nah, I get it, we’re ethereal not occult. But you’d be lying to yourself truly, if you said you weren’t interested in the occultism, philosophy daresay ontology presented in the Show in the Good Omens. And in case you haven’t stared in the bath shower and deeply and meaningfully assessed the concepts underlying your favorite apocalyptic romp. Then I’m Here to Do that for you. 

Ofcourse you obviously should have watched the show.

Ready?

As you’ll ever be.

1. Choice is part of Humanity

It all started and ended with a garden. The two main characters being the ones who… hmm godfathered this aspect of humanity.

Crowley, the snake, who tempted people to first ever know what good and bad is. And Aziraphale – an angel who either let, or was incompetent enough to let it happen. Didn’t even try to smite the first two humans or the demon Crowley. Just this awkward fumbling on top of a garden wall with an impending storm.

This is repeated again by the angel when he is reprimanded by the archangels – it is not for “us” (angelic realm) to decide – the humans have free will to decide good and bad.

And in the whole course of the story – these two almost eternal entities have “gone native”. Or acted more human. Liked sushi, liked wine, and bentleys and music.

And Made their Own Decisions.

Especially for Aziraphale, who disobeyed orders for the first time in his really long life. It was uncalled for, an act of “treason”. Crowley by the end even said “i think the big one will be “all of us” vs “all of them”“referring to all of humanity vs heaven and hell.

He referred to himself as human. He’s choosing to be human, by the end of the story. Just as much as Aziraphale redefined himself by exploring who he is outside of the angelic box, Crowley has been since the beginning was quite intent with being a lousy demon anyway.

Yes he did tempting. But he is so gloriously an incompetent demon. And as etheric beings, these two are very relatable to the audience, acting as main characters and the main POV that the audience lives through. And they’re not cold or of higher existence (like some angel channellings). They’re so delectably human. Not because this is a piece of fiction, because the whole argument is:

They want to be human. They like their choices, no matter what the consequences.

Which is echoed by adam by the end, who reckoned any apple was worth eating and worth the consequences. And by what manner is this occult?

Well in Ken Wilber’s model of consciousnesses, the difference of humans from other living beings — what separates us from vegetable, animal and sky is our capacity to define itself. Meaning tomatoes more or less tomatoes. But humans have an almost infinite limit on being anything. They define themselves – that is our nature.

Our Choice is our humanity.

And as much we kind of hate out existence a lot of times, it’s really refreshing to see near immortals liking and even being jealous of the way we exist. Of what would be the shaded echoes of our flailing in “who am i” and so forth…

2. There’s Good in Evil, there’s Bad in Good

Or otherwise known as paradoxes and koans being the underlying fiber of all of reality… say what?In every creation lies destruction. In every delusion reality. In every push a pull. In every death a birth, in every order there is chaos.

Two sides of the same coin. Or in taoism would be the yin yang symbol.

Meaning, Good Omens doesn’t just argue against moral dogmatism…

Good Omens, if you look hard enough, is saying opposites dance inside of each other. All. the damn. time.

The two characters are literally sworn enemies (angel vs demon) who find allyship. The destroyer of worlds is the one who saves it (adam). The major screw-up that made everything start aren’t even necessarily people being bad or good but people being people.

Which really argues not for a moral gray area but an acceptance that we’re paradoxically both all the time depending from which way you’re looking and interpreting. Meaning it’s a mess, it’s crazy, partly why it’s so ineffable, and that maybe we shouldn’t be so stuck up thinking so highly of ourselves.

How is this occult? Well. You’ve ever heard of shadow work? Chaos Magick and Sigils? Have you ever actually met occultists who unironically summon demons with a dagger and a cup and spill their own blood whole shebang?

I have. I even fell in love with one. But the point of the matter is, that this logic isn’t some cutesy theme for your supernatural romp. It is an actual force of nature harnessed by actually living witches and mages. Meaning the dark – the things you’re afraid of facing, what lies in your subconscious, the forces of destruction, bad luck and curses — it all operates under that assumption.

That it is the half of the coin of existence. That as much as we hate to face our traumas, that some people would get triggered and regressed and spiral to really hellish shit – the treasures you seek are in the cave you’re most afraid of. Or the demon you’re most afraid of. Or the scar you’re most horrified to feel because you think it will eat you alive.

A lot of occult work is mastering your demons- your self, your fears. Utilising fear to your own advantage, acknowledging it, dancing with it. And gaining greater awareness.

And recognising they’re you’re best friend and they’re looking out for you. Kind of like how Crowley undoes Aziraphale and allows him to walk into what he most fears. Betraying heaven. Through, well.. Love which is the unconditional empty space which allows the two opposites to play. Or leela, in yoga.

3. What the demon Crowley has, is the power of the imagination.

The story is not short of law of attraction moments. Or let’s just say the whole operation of how things come into being with a human boy having no upper limit of choosing how things should be.

Should I remind you, both the anti-christ and christ came here to be human? What is this facet of human being that these supernatural forces might want?

Oh right I talked about (1) already.

Anyway, take it from me your friendly neighborhood actual witch that is Magick. Old School Magick, simply willing things to existence. And I’m actually seriously happy with how occultic-ly consistent this entire series is?

It’s even, loving?? with the usual topics that cover any good wiccan new age enthusiasts in how it depicts Anathema and atlantis and the fascination with peace loving aliens. Which leads me to another paradox which I’ll write as (3.5)

3.5 It is written.

Paradoxically [2] you both have Choice [1] and Destiny [3.5] coexisting in your narrative.

Every rebelling that Crowley and Aziraphale did that was against their etheric nature was written in Agnes’ Nutter’s book. It was both a choice and destiny.

Even Anathema who was loyal to her family’s prophecies and takes pride in being a witch, burned the next prophecies of Agnes Nutter not wanting to be just a descendant. Another choice, or maybe just another destiny.

Aziraphale and Crowley themselves comment on this in the bench waiting for a bus to come asking – what if this was part of her divine plan? What if all this choosing and fighting was planned too?

And they only answer — who knows? What if they’re the same thing?

As much as I seriously adore the #ineffablehusbands, I also adore how deep into the occult philosophical rabbit hole you can get in terms of duality and what it means to be human with this giant ass story. Which is also handled so well by so many of the fandom’s art and fanfiction in AUs and interpretations of demon!Crowley and angel!aziraphale as humans or in their post-apocalyptic humanly existence may it be cottage or bench.

How do humans judge themselves to be unforgivable? In how many viewers is --an Aziraphale who can only think of themself as this “good” or as a Crowley who can only think of themself as “forsaken”?

How are we paradoxical and human? How can this be an okay thing to be? Something left to be desired by our favorite demon and angel?

Good Omens is hopeful. It’s underlying beliefs, are beautiful, loving and yeaaaa occult. A+ from this witch right ere.

Here’s my occult esoteric blog if ya’ll curious:

https://wanwuspiritlibrary.com/start-here/

[natsubeatsrock]

"Why do you hate Nalu fans asking for angst?"

Who actually believed I was done talking smack about Nalu?

I feel like I haven't been clear enough on this. Normally, I'd say something like this because fandom ignores my arguments about something. While that's not untrue here, looking back on my discussions of the Nalu fandom's desire for canon situations of angst, I feel like I can be a bit more clear and direct as to why I don't like it.

A lot of what I've said makes it seem as though I don't like or appreciate angst as a whole. Sure, I say I don't hate angst, but I worry that my explanations make it sound like a cover to rag on Nalu for even potentially having angst. I want to explain the issue I have with the cries for Nalu angst in a way that shows I can appreciate angst.

Let's start with a couple of ships outside of Fairy Tail. The first is one that my long-time fans may recognize. In an earlier rant from around the time that Fairy Tail was ending, I briefly touched on Beauty and the Beast and how Belle and the Beast transformation is something Nalu fans wanted out of Mashima's treatment of the END situation. However, I hinted at how their ship is an example of good angst and I want to talk about it more.

At the beginning of the movie, Belle and the Beast start not liking each other much. However, a change happens when she is told to leave after breaking the Beast's one rule. Before she can get too far from the palace, Belle is saved from a pack of wolves by the Beast. As she's cleaning his wounds, they start to come to more of an understanding of each other. As shown by lyrics of and scenes shown during the song "Something There", they start to come to an understanding of each other that leads to romantic feelings. 

By the time we get to "Beauty and the Beast", it's clear that they both have feelings for each other. Despite the Beast confirming he loves her, we don't get a confession from Belle until after he supposedly dies. However, it's important to remember that her confession comes off the heels of a defense of the Beast from villagers, the rest of their relational progression and the timer set by the falling rose petals. Her confession comes just as the last petal falls from the enchanted rose. In other words, she came to truly love him at the last possible moment and it may not have mattered if he died at that moment. Of course, he does live and they can be a couple.

The second example comes from one of my favorite anime, Toradora. (I'd use Clannad for a similar reason, but I know this one off-hand better.) It's a bit of an understatement to say that Taiga Aisaka and Ryuji Takasu start on the wrong foot. It's established fairly early on that much of their initial goals are to get the other's best friend to end up with them. However, as they spend time together, they end up growing closer to each other. As early as episode 2, Ryuji goes from annoyed at not having enough rice because of Taiga's presence to disappointed at having too much rice in her absence. But then, Ryuji gets into an accident and it becomes clear that Taiga has stronger feelings for him that she's letting on.

As the series progresses, we see evidence of them growing closer together and the idea of them becoming a couple is made to seem more realistic. It's not that we can't tell if they like each other at this point; it's that we're not sure how things will play out. It turns out that, during their class trip, Taiga takes a spill of her own and unknowingly confesses to Ryuji. He outright confirms that he has feelings of his own but struggles to tell her how he feels. A bunch of shenanigans happens between then and the end of the series, but they do end up together at the end of the series.

I explain the stories of the couples in this way for an important reason. In each of these stories, the angst does draw people closer together. However, there is a sense that the relationship was already progressing that way, to begin with. Angst was used as the medium to draw feelings out of characters they might have already been on track to have. Chances are that they could have gotten into their relationship without the angst. However, it works very well to see their relationship progress as part of the resolution to the tension of the story. Depending on how a writer spins it, it can work well.

Mashima did not do this with Nalu. Not he didn’t do it well with Nalu. It didn’t happen.

What I will say is that there wasn't a lack of moments that could have been used to draw out romantic feelings for each other. Here's a list of a few moments I can think of off the top of my head after the Galuna Island arc (at which point they're more familiar with each other):

Lucy being captured by Gajeel during the Phantom Lord arc.

Natsu on the brink of losing against Gajeel, also Phantom Lord.

Lucy getting captured during the Edolas arc.

Lucy saying "it's more fun when we're together" on Tenrou Island.

After the Naval Battle in the Grand Magic Games.

Lucy getting captured (again) during the Grand Magic Games.

The epilogue of the Tartarus arc. 

Natsu realizing the guild was dissolved at the beginning of the Avatar arc.

Natsu almost dying after Aquarius came back.

Natsu almost dying (again) after fighting Gray.

The end of the fight with Acnologia.

There are a couple of other moments I probably could have added, especially from the anime and the sequel, but these are some of the moments that Mashima could have used to bring Natsu and Lucy closer to a trajectory of a romantic relationship. It's even canonically hinted during a few of these moments that he could have done exactly that.

However, the resolution for each of these moments came and went. Natsu and Lucy were friends before they happened and they didn't seem to be anything more than friends after them. I don't feel as though there's any real reason to think that anything else could cause some well of romantic emotions that has yet to be untapped to spring.

This has been outright confirmed for me by Mashima's writing of the final arc of the main series. Natsu nearly dies in front of Lucy. Twice. And the most we get from the whole thing is a "thanks for helping me get in the guild" a year later? I know Evergreen mentions that she might like him, but that's shot down and ignored almost as soon as it was brought up.

Are we supposed to believe Nalu would have stopped a rampage from END? Or that, even if it did, Mashima would use the opportunity to make clear that Natsu and Lucy did have romantic feelings for each other? Chances are, we'd get a moment where Natsu remembers the importance of his friends and remember who he is. Are we shocked that this was literally what happened in canon when he did lose control of himself? Or how Dragon Cry did a similar thing, despite prizing Lucy more than other members of the guild?

At this point, I guess someone could look at this and come to the conclusion that Nalu was just a product of Mashima's bad writing. Nalu is romantic but was handled poorly. If Mashima were a better writer, this would have handled better. And as someone who recognizes that, despite having great ideas, Mashima's not a great writer and isn't always able to make them work in the best ways possible and has even made a similar argument with Gruvia...

NO!

Not even a little yes.

At least my argument on Gruvia is couched in a recognition that it's the only ship of its kind that Mashima's done. (People who compare Gruvia to Reina and Musica get the bullet.) I don't see the things I'm arguing isn't great about Gruvia in any other Fairy Tail ship. You can't make the same argument with Nalu and angst. If you do, you're not paying attention.

In just the last arc, we got two clear examples of this in Gajevy and Zervis. Not just in the "you could argue that this is what Mashima was building these ships up towards throughout the series" sense that's very real about both of these ships. In the current events of the arc, he advanced both relationships after they had angsty situations. Gajeel confessed his love to Levy as he was almost killed by Bradman. Mavis and Zeref came together just as he was defeated and they ended up dying together. 

Depending on how you interpret it, Gruvia also got the same thing in the same arc. Jerza has had a similar thing going around it with the Tower of Heaven and Nirvana arc. Fan interpretations of plenty of other favorite ships in Fairy Tail are near dependent on the idea that a person came to love someone more after something tragic happened surrounding them, including a number of my favorite ships. Heck, Mashima did this with all three of the ships involving his main characters in Rave Master to some degree or another.

As much as I don't love every aspect of Mashima's writing, this isn't a symptom of that. The fact is that Mashima didn't use ANY moment that Natsu or Lucy have seen the other in angsty situations to show clear romantic feelings for each other. No kisses, no confession, no anything. Given that he's done that with arguably every main ship he's shown interest in both his big series, I can't help but think that Mashima's either trying something completely different with this ship or isn't ever bringing them closer to being a couple. Either way, I don't see how Mashima putting them in one more magical situation of angst is somehow going to push them over the proverbial edge and make them canon at this stage in the series.

In Conclusion:

I don't hate angst. Nalu is just wack.

[harusha]

I just saw your post about PJ and I'm wondering, do you have any book recs?

On mythology specifically or overall? I’m gonna do both since I’m not sure. Also sorry for the relatively late reply, I had to think about this, and I just got back from dinner.

The Count of Monte Cristo- Fantastic page turner, and a genuinely good “revenge” tale. It’s actually one of the first of that kind (or at the very least, one of the most popular ones). It’s also a book that a lot of people cite as the one that changes their mind on classics as “boring.”

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn- Somewhat of a controversial pick (both because of its subject matter and because it’s often “required high school reading,” ie “boring” to a lot of people.)

Huck Finn is an exceedingly complex character, and his friendship with Jim is really good. Pay attention to what Huck Finn does and says; he’s an unreliable narrator due to how he was brought up, his age, and his illiteracy. There’s also a lot of symbolism and other literary devices at play in his character (ex. notice his fixation with death and how it colors how Twain writes him). It’s very much a book I recommend if you want to study the unreliable narrator as a trope, the  Naïf version of it.

As a side note, it’s very poignant because of how Huck learns to condemn his racism. One of the messages you can get from this book is “If this uneducated poor white boy can learn to overcome his prejudices, so too can someone who has been educated, has money, etc.” It is a brutal condemnation of racism (though you do have to consider the time period, the “lens” of which you have to view through.)

Lolita- Another controversial pick, and one I’ll upright say as a lot of trigger warnings attached (google the summary, and you’ll see what I mean).

Beautiful prose (some of my favorite in literature actually) and a monster of a protagonist. When you read this, remember how Humbert Humbert is framing it. He is telling his tale to a court; he is unreliable and will frame events to make himself appear sympathetic. One notable factor of the author’s skill is how often Humbert gains the readers’ sympathy despite the atrocious subject matter. I personally felt viscerally uncomfortable reading his thoughts, and this is one of the few books that has ever made me feel that way. I didn’t fall into the sympathy trap, but look at any discussion of the book, and you’ll see what I mean.

I also recommend this author’s (Vladimir Nabokov) other works.

Franz Kafka’s literary works- Kafka is one of my favorite authors because he really showcases the isolation (both due to WWI, technological advancement, and the “beginnings” of modern capitalism) of the beginning of the 1900s, and he’s one of modernism’s premier authors. His works often deal with the themes of isolation, judgement, and outcasts. 

In particular, I’m fond of “The Metamorphosis” (cliche pick I know) and “In the Penal Colony.” The former is a short story so quick read if you just wanna try his writing style + it’s very influential (See Part 1 of Tokyo Ghoul for one example).

Also know that Kafka had a very strained relationship with his father and a conflicted relationship with his religion. I recommend reading “Letter to his Father” first to get an understanding of Kafka’s psyche to truly get pass the “nonsensical” nature of his works. It, like the title says, is a letter he wrote to his father, but his mother never delivered it.

If you want even more info on Kafka to understand his works, I recommend Kafka: Judaism, Politics, and Literature which covers a lot more (and in more succinct words) than I can on his works and life. As a fun fact, Vladimir Nabokov also placed him as one of the greatest writers of the 20th century. On Kafka himself, he thought he was a failure of a human being and writer, and now look at him. He’s up there in the Western Canon with Shakespeare.

Paradise Lost + Paradise Regained- If you’re interested in Lucifer (or Samael if you subscribe to that theory), this is a must-read. Beautiful, haunting, and with a very charismatic figure in Lucifer. Alongside the obvious Divine Comedy, this work has influenced the portrayal of Lucifer and Hell quite a bit imo. Namely, the “sympathetic” portrayal you find in works such as Supernatural. It’s also an epic poem so it’s best listened to imo rather than read.

No Longer Human- Osamu Dazai’s work if you’re into that one show. An incredibly depressing book that’s often thought to be semi-autobiographical. It’s a haunting book that I don’t recommend for prose, but for the mood it evokes. I don’t recommend this unless you’re in a decent state of mind.

The Catcher in the Rye- Mildly controversial pick in that you either hate Holden or love him. It’s a book where you have to be in the “right” state of mind to appreciate Holden. For example, the period of moving away from home for college  This work deals with societal isolation and human loneliness and features an unreliable narrator.

It’s just a very particular feeling you have to be experiencing to appreciate Holden. I think anyway.

The Epic of Gilgamesh- Not super fancy or a reinterpretation of whatever. Just the oldest known written work of mankind. I like it a lot, but I like Sumerian myth so YMMV. It’s still missing a few tablets last I checked, but still a good read.

Also the related Enuma Elish, you get the creation myth.

Vampire Chronicles- I recommend the first three or four so books honestly. Afterwards, Anne Rice just goes off the rails. Prose is pretty, and Lestat is a terrible person but fascinating to read about. I am partial to Armand though tbh.

Dracula- I think this is another page-turner. I certainly enjoyed it. I don’t think it’s as scary as it would be in its’ published time period, but it is a classic Gothic horror. The unabridged version may look intimidating, but like Monte Cristo, you’ll sweep through it rather quickly.

“A Rose for Emily”- One of William Faulkner’s short stories. I think it’s a lovely piece and showcases the Southern Gothic (crumbling house, decaying and failing tradition and the southern nobility, etc.) There’s a theme of decay and time passing throughout this work.

As a side note, I actually enjoy Faulkner a lot, but he’s a difficult author imo. It’s not as apparent in this work, but more so in Intruder in the Dust (the first racial thriller) and especially The Sound and The Fury.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof- A play that deals with repressed homosexuality (maybe, it depends on how you interpret Brick’s dialogue and actions), loss, and denial. I quite like it a lot, and Tennessee Williams actually was gay (was because he’s dead and all). I read it, but tbh I feel like it would be better watched if you can find a performance on Youtube.

The Picture of Dorian Gray- Oscar Wilde’s most well known work imo. I enjoy the prose and the themes of corruption and indulgence present throughout the novel. There’s also a lot of allusions to Faust in it if you’re interested in that.

Peter Darling-a more modern choice but it features a trans and gay protagonist. Part of what I enjoy is how it’s not browbeaten into you that the protagonist is trans. It’s interwoven into the character where it’s an important part of him, but to where it doesn’t overwhelm his entire character. However, this is a novel where I feel the beginning and ending are great, but the middle is so-so. It’s a retelling of Peter Pan.

The Tain- Focuses on Cu Cuchulain and his cycle.

Poetic Edda- A must read if you’re interested in exploring Norse myths outside of Marvel. It’s basically a collection of tales.

Arabian Nights- Scheherazade is one of my favorite female figures from literature. She’s daring, clever, and particularly resourceful. It’s a frame narrative sort of tale so you technically won’t be seeing her as much since she’s telling each story, but it’s a lovely piece and perfect for a bedtime read because of its collection of tales. A lot of them have been referenced in media and related as well.

The Book Thief- Classic YA novel rec. It’s set in WWII and one of the novels that really showcases what YA could be. Basically a classic gem in the rough pile.

John Keats- He’s a poet, but I love his poetry because of how haunting and dark it can get; he often deals with themes of mortality.. Ode to Nightingale is particularly good.

China’s Four Great Classical Novels (Journey to the West, Dreams of the Red Chamber, Water Margin, Romance of the Three Kingdoms)- I decided to clump them here since this is already super long. Each one is incredibly well-known in Asia (and obviously China), and you can find allusions everywhere to these four novels. Each novel is rather long and expensive though (I paid like 40 USD for each set). Journey to the West follows Sun Wukong, unarguably one of the most well-known figures in literature (at least in the East; he’s super influential, but somewhat less so in the West; keyword somewhat). Dreams of the Red Chamber has some very pretty poems, but it’s often thought to be the semi autobiographical work of the author (it deals with the rise and fall of his family and the dynasty).

Daiyu’s flower poem is one of the most memorable for example.

The blossoms fade, the blossoms fly,  the blossoms fill the sky. Their crimson fades, their scent dies out,  and who is there to pity?  Drifting threads gently twist together  and float past the springtime lodge;  Falling willow floss lightly sticks  and strikes the lady’s window drapes.

Water Margin is a bit “bawdier” than the other ones imo, but it’s a good tale and has many notable figures and scenes. On Three Kingdoms, it’s the one I’d recommend to start with if you’re interested in military intrigue and battles.

I also have a Goodreads where I organize everything by shelf if you prefer to look at that. I do need to update it though tbh.

https://www.goodreads.com/Mahariel

[after-the-fxll]

Meta: Wings and personal space.

Disclaimer: Right, so… you probably mean “write about the psychology of personal space inasmuch as it relates to wings and concerns Aryx,” but what you’re going to get is a huge meta about me blabbing about anything and everything you ever wanted to know about wings for angels and a wee bit on demons in Aryx’s world/verse, including personal space psychology. Enjoy, haha.

Another disclaimer: All of this information comes from from own brain, my own interpretations of lore and mythology surrounding angels and demons, my own interpretations of several movies which inspired angels like Aryx’s creation, and from a series of books I wrote years ago entitled “The Vulture and the Dove.” I never published it, but it was eight books in total, the last two of which I never finished writing unfortunately. Aryx came from the seventh book. I am happy to talk more about the series if anyone wishes to know. =)

Putting this all below a cut because loooong. XD

{BIOLOGY}

Angel Species and Wing Types in Aryx’s World

There are three species of angels in Aryx’s world, only one of which is usually found on earth, with only a few exceptions. The three species are: common angels, archangels, and holy seraphim. There are three species of demons which are thought to mirror these three species of angels, namely: incubi/succubi, archdemons, and infernal seraphim. Aryx is an archangel, so as far as angels go, he is intermediary in power and possesses two pairs of equal-sized wings with a 20ft. wingspan when fully spread.

Common angels have only one pair of relatively small wings. Small meaning a 15ft. wingspan when fully flared. Archangels have two pairs of equally-sized wings, and they are of medium size, meaning about a 20ft. wingspan or a foot or two longer. Holy seraphim have three pairs of wings, one small, one medium, and one large. Their largest wings can have over a 30ft. wingspan depending on if they are male or female. Holy seraphim are usually taller as well, easily reaching heights of 7 or 8ft., whereas common and archangels are usually the same heights as humans.

Angel wings are constructed much like those of birds of prey. They are flesh and blood and bone, and the main bones are hollow to keep their weight low so that flying is easier. There is a central nerve that runs along the main bones, and depending upon how this nerve is treated, one can cripple an angel or really turn him on, heh. The main bones have a joint in the middle, so each wing has a single bend in it. That is true of all angel wings regardless of size or species.

Flight feathers are longer, stiffer, and very important for flying, while feathers are reduced to fluffy downy material at the bases of the wings where the bones and tendons connect to the angel’s shoulder blades. The shoulder blades of angels are much thicker, stronger, and differently-shaped than those of humans. They’are able to pivot, slipping underneath muscle to move the wings during flight. 

Emergence of Wings and Early Life

Archangels and holy seraphim that are only found in the heavens are usually created by the gods, coming into being just as they are in adult form rather than being born and growing up from an infant or child. But common angels can breed with each other and humans on earth, and when they are born, they do not have any wings. The milestone of an angel spreading his or her wings for the first time is called “finding” them. Typically, earthborn angels find their wings at around age 5 to 7, depending on their sex. Females find them earlier than males, generally.

When a young angel first finds their wings, they are moist, crumpled, and very weak. Their parents or guardians will help the little angel to wash the wings and will go through a range of motions with them, much like physical therapy. When the wings are deemed strong enough for flight, a parent or guardian will take the young angel up into the sky, holding hands in case the young angel gets tired. It may take months of practice before a young angel can fly on their own.

Aryx is a created archangel, so he did not have to find his wings, but rather was created with them already emerged. He has never known life without them.

Spreading and Retracting Wings

“Spreading” is the act of calling one’s wings from out of one’s back. This is a magical process, as the physical manifestation of the wings is created while being infused with the essence or energy of the wings that is stored in an angel’s back when they are retracted. When an angel spreads his wings, they fly out very quickly, spreading fully before either relaxing or assisting in flight. Because of this, angels need to make sure they have plenty of room to spread their wings or else they could injure themselves.

“Retracting” is the act of withdrawing one’s wings from physical being to store them, as it were, safely within the body of the angel. This is also a magical process, as the essence or spirit of the wings is actually absorbed into an angel’s back while the physical essence disappears.

Common angels retract their wings far more often than archangels or holy seraphim, especially those born on earth. This is because they interact far more with humans and subconsciously often try to blend into human society. Archangels and holy seraphim do not desire to blend in with humans typically and are often far more arrogant about being angels in the first place. They may not hate humans or resent them in any way, it is just that they are incredibly proud of what they are and expect humans to respect them accordingly. Part of that is feeling that they have a right to spread their wings and keep them spread whenever and wherever they choose.

Aryx, as an archangel, feels most comfortable always having his wings spread. He is not nearly as arrogant as most of his kind with regard to humans as he has lived on earth for hundreds of years and worked alongside many capable humans worthy of his respect. Usually he keeps his wings spread, but now and then he will retract them for convenience or blending-in purposes.

Anatomy of Angel Wings vs. Demon Wings

Angel wings are flesh, blood, and bone, and are covered in feathers. They do not possess any scales, talons, or webbed skin. Demons, on the other hand, depending on their species, have completely different wings. Their wings are not flesh, just bone and skin. They also possess sharp talons and may have scales according to species. Think… birds vs. bats, or birds vs. dragons, as far as structure is concerned.

Demon wings are brown or black, and angel wings are white or pale gray. In very rare cases where angels fall from grace or demons have their wings transformed into angel wings, the feathers will be brown or black.

Aryx is a fallen archangel, but he is only fallen physically, not morally. Therefore, his wings possess clean, white feathers. If you want to read more about the difference between physically fallen and morally fallen angels, I shall direct you to this post here.

Angel Feather Composition

Angel feathers look soft and inviting, but they can be deadly. They are actually far stronger than any feathers known to humans. The spines are like needles, and the hairlike fibers that make up the “fluff” of the feathers are actually like fine steel. To touch them, as long as you go with the grain and are gentle, they feel as soft as any bird feathers one might touch. But in battle, an angel’s wings can become weapons. I’ll cover that more in the battle section later.

{PSYCHOLOGY}

Personal Space and Etiquette

Angels do not like anyone they don’t know or trust touching or even getting near their wings. Besides fear of physical harm and simple shyness on the angel’s part, they consider it extremely rude and even outright insulting for anyone to touch their wings without asking first. Some more prideful and arrogant angels even believe asking is rude, heh. The general rule is to just don’t touch angel wings, and if you really want to be brazen, at least ask first.

Aryx is not arrogant about his wings, but he is cautious with them. He appreciates very much when someone asks first, and in most cases he will allow humans to touch his wings so long as they are gentle about it. He understands how interesting and inspiring angel wings can be to humans and has no problem indulging them as long as they treat him with respect. This is not true of most angels, though, who prefer that humans do not touch their wings.

Perching and Resting

I’m going to direct you to a post I have already written on this topic to save some time and space here. =)

Aryx does not sleep in a bed. Well he doesn’t sleep at all, heh. He rests and slips in to a lower state of consciousness, perching on chairs or window sills, most often.

Emotional Connection

Angels love their wings. Really. They love them. Deeply. They care for them meticulously, take pride in their cleanliness and size and beauty, and take comfort in their warmth while they rest. Female angels consider their wings part of their overall beauty as a whole, while males tend to view theirs as part of their manhood. Angelhood? XD But yeah, angels feel a deep love and affection for their wings, and so they are emotionally affected when bad things happen to them.

Aryx absolutely adores his wings. They’re his friends, his protectors, his comforters, everything. He spends a lot of time grooming them and inspecting them to make sure they’re healthy and clean, and he is always very careful with them. Unless he is in battle, in which case he is as careful as he can be while still getting the job done.

Breaking or Losing a Wing

Basically, this is devastating to an angel on so many levels. The physical pain alone is enough to send an angel into severe shock and if they are not properly trained or conditioned to deal with such pain, they will fall right out of the sky if their wing is broken or severed in battle. Even if an angel is battle ready and able to push through the pain, the emotional toll is akin to a death for them.

Losing a wing is like losing a loved one, and unless one can get to a holy seraph quickly (the only creatures besides the gods themselves capable of reattaching a severed limb), a lost wing is… lost forever. Angels can survive losing a wing if the wound is cauterized and they are able to rest, but the emotional loss takes years to overcome, and even then it never fully heals.

If a wing is broken and it heals crooked, or if an angel loses a wing and has a stump in its place, their confidence will suffer greatly for it. It’s considered personally shameful, ugly, and freakish to have such an injury, while other angels and humans may look upon an angel with such an injury as lucky to be alive or even a hero depending upon the circumstances surrounding the injury. because of this, angels with crooked or missing wings can be some of the most unfriendly and standoffish you will ever meet. This is exacerbated if the angel is common and only has two wings to begin with. A broken or lost wing in that case may prevent the angel from flying ever again, which they may feel is shameful, but it is also yet another emotional loss for them.

Mood Expression

An angel’s wings can be read and are revealing of an angel’s mood or temperament as well as his facial expressions. Something that should be made clear is that an angel is a whole being that is not human, not a human with wings, or a creature with cold, sterile wings attached to their back for no reason. They are a winged, non-human creature, and their wings are a major part of their life. So just as humans will slump their shoulders or frown or cringe or stand straighter or whatever according to their emotions, angels do all that and more. Their wings are an added form of expression that happens as instantly and naturally as facial expressions. Two of the most common examples of an angel expressing emotion through his wings are flaring and dropping.

Flaring is when an angel extends and spreads his wings to their fullest capability, often also lifting them up a little rather than having them completely horizontal. That’s if they only have two wings. If they have two or three pairs of wings, the pairs will cascade as they flare, with all pairs being fully extended but spreading out like petals on a flower around the angel. Angels do this for two reasons usually. Sometimes they are trying to intimidate an enemy by appearing larger, proclaiming their species (if a higher form of angel), or frightening smaller enemies by flaring their wings quickly. Basically, “I dare you to mess with me,” as they display their power. The other case is when an angel is just trying to assert himself over someone else. Maybe he is in a heated argument or feels that he has been insulted in some way, and he wants to demand respect or make a point. Flaring always denotes pride in oneself and self-confidence in an angel. Think of it as a posturing action, much like peacocks flaring their feathers.

Example: Gabriel arrogantly flaring his wings upon his arrival in Legion

Aryx only really flares his wings when asked by humans to show them, or if confronted by demons. Because he is an archangel, most demons on earth do not expect to see an angel of his power. So flaring his wings reveals his species and will frighten away most common demons on earth. 

Dropping is the opposite of flaring and denotes a lack of confidence, remorse, guilt, or sorrow in an angel. Typically an angel’s wings will be folded behind him when they are dropped, and it may be anything from a few inches that they’ll lower to actually laying on the ground, depending upon why the angel is upset. A minor drop may just indicate that something is on their mind or that they feel badly about something and it’s a minor show of a bad mood in general. If an angel is laying his wings on the ground, there is something seriously wrong and someone should really talk to him about it, heh.

Aryx drops his wings often in subtle manners, especially listening to humans talk. Humans have a lot of strife in their lives and Aryx is a very compassionate and empathetic individual, so hearing about the losses and troubles of others affects him emotionally, which can be observed in his wings.

Morality

An angel’s wings will change color (from light to dark) and their feathers may even begin to fall out if they engage in evil/immoral behavior. This is actually a sickening of the angel physically, for evil acts breed unholy and negative energy, and their bodies are naturally built for and empowered by holy and positive energy. So they are essentially poisoning themselves with evil acts.

I will direct you to this post on fallen and corrupted angels, as it goes into some detail about wings as well.

{NSFW}

As I mentioned earlier, the central nerves of angel wings can cause an angel great pain or pleasure depending upon how they are touched. They are very sensitive, and the proper caresses of an angel’s wings in the right places can really light his fire, so don’t do this unless you’re trying to start something with him, haha.

Aryx is very good about informing humans and others who are not aware of this sensitivity in angel wings to not touch them in certain ways. He might turn a little red and even grin shyly, but just calmly corrects the situation. Unless of course your muse is trying to rile him up in that manner, in which case he’ll like it if he’s receptive toward your muse.

{IN BATTLE}

Wing Structure According to Species Purpose

The reason for the increase in the number of wings as angel species become more powerful is two-fold. More wings means more power, speed, and control in the air. More wings also means that a wing may be impaired or lost and the owner will still be able to fly. This makes sense when one considers the usual occupations of the different species of angels.

Common angels on earth can live quietly and peacefully alongside humans if they choose. Archangels are usually only found in the heavens and are employed guarding the gates of the common heaven, which is where human souls are housed. So they need to be more battle ready than common angels. Holy seraphim are the generals of the gods of light, commanding other angels in battle and charging forth first into danger. They need to be the most battle ready and most able to sustain injuries to their wings and remain flying.

Angels vs. Demons

Most battles between angels and demons take place in the air. Whether on earth or in the heavens, angels and demons naturally take to the air when threatened. They employ different strategies when trying to kill or take an enemy out of commission, but for the most part they’re both trying to drop their enemies out of the sky.

Angels will try to rip the taught skin of demon wings so that they can no longer hold the air. They may also try to sever demon wings with weapons like swords.

Demons will only try to sever angel wings if they are large and strong enough to cut through them or break the main bones. Angel wings are not as fragile as demon wings, so this is often difficult. Because of this, most demons try to either injure angel wings such that they are in too much pain to fly, or they may even resort to setting them on fire, since their feathers catch easily.

Aryx has thankfully never completely lost a wing in battle, although he has broken several of them and had one very nearly severed during his fall to earth. He was healed by a human soul knight (like a priest/sorcerer combination) very soon after, but the emotional trauma followed him for a long time afterward.

Angel Wings as Weapons and Shields

As I mentioned earlier, angel feathers are actually made from steel-like fibers and spines. They don’t look like steal, they look like normal feathers, but because angel wings are magical appendages, the feathers they are far stronger than mundane bird feathers. Because of this, angels can use their wings as weapons or shields, whether fighting in the sky or on land.

Angels have two main types of attacks they can make with their wings. They only do so if absolutely necessary, for their wings are precious to them, but very often with demons and other adversaries they may face, they are just as magical creatures as the angels are, so mundane weapons may not pierce their hides. 

One attack they can do is to flick their wings quickly and release a few of their largest flight feathers, which will fly out like daggers. They can impale or even pierce clean through enemies depending on who they’re aiming at. This is risky, though, because if the feathers are collected by demons, the angel may be in serious danger, but I’ll cover that in the liabilities section. 

The second attack is to pivot on their feet or spin in the air fast enough to flatten their wings and slice in a circle around them. When they do this, any beings very close to them will be sliced by the angel’s feathers, so long as their hide is not enough of a protection. Angels can cut human beings in half with their wings if they so choose, but of course they usually do not.

Angels can also use their wings as defensive shields, blocking blades and bullets. In medieval times, they could shield humans from sword blows, and in more modern times, they can protect them from gunfire, by enveloping them in their wings. They can only do this, however, if they are ready to do so. If they’re caught unaware, bullets and other piercing or even slicing weapons will injure their wings and knock out feathers. But if they are prepared and going on the defensive, they will turn and interlock their feathers in a certain way that makes them like strong steel mesh, impervious to mortal weapons. When in this defensive mode, angel wings are actually far sturdier than the rest of their bodies. Angels can be shot or stabbed in their bodies, but not while their wings are defensively postured and prepared. It only takes seconds for them to properly prime their feathers, but again, if the angel is caught off guard, all bets are off.

Example: Gabriel using his wings as both shields and weapons against humans in Legion

Example: Gabriel fighting a fallen, wingless Michael and using his wings to his advantage in Legion

Aryx fights very much like the angels in Legion do, using a combination of a weapon (a sword in his case) together with his wings. Using wings in this manner are as natural to angels as punching with fists or kicking is to humans, as they are perfectly natural appendages that all angels are used to having.

Angel Feathers as Blessings

Angels do lose feathers, just like birds. Some feathers die or get tugged weirdly and are now sitting funny, so as part of the grooming process, angels will pluck dying or out-of-place feathers. New ones will grow in their places. If a feather is needed, they may just pluck one to use for spells. Angel feathers are very powerful spell components, and depending upon if someone of good or evil inclination finds them, they can be used for holy or unholy spells.

Angels will bless their fallen or plucked feathers and give them to individuals they want to protect. This is not always done under battle conditions, but is usually done if they suspect someone maybe be a target of attack in the future. Keeping a blessed angel feather on your person will grant you minor healing abilities or may protect you from attacks, depending on the reason it was granted. If you’ve received an angel feather, you are trusted, for it is dangerous to let feathers fall into the wrong hands.

AngelFeathers as Liabilities

Fallen feathers that are picked up by demons or priests of evil deities can be used in rituals for evil magic. They can fuel dangerous spells that could take innocent lives and could even be used to locate or remotely injure the angelic owner of the feathers. Because of this, demons would often scour battlefields after the battles were through to see if any feathers could be found.

Captured angels were sometimes subjecting to severe pluckings of their feathers, rendering their wings all but bald in order to gain enough feathers to fuel whatever devious spell the priest or demon in charge had in mind. Unfortunately, angels captured in this manner were most often killed shortly after all their feathers were plucked, unless they managed to be rescued in time.

Aryx has been known to pluck out perfectly good feathers for use as tokens of protection and spell components to protect those he cares about.

And there you have it, folks! I think? I covered? Everything? XD But if anybody has any more questions about things I may not have mentioned here, please ask away! =)

[necrowriter]

godchild of loki (part two) (fenrir)

The second child of Loki, I met at midsummer.

Not that I realized it at the time. I'd heard a few people mention that it was the solstice, but I hadn't really paid much attention. All I knew was that it was still really damn hot, even in the evening as I walked home from work. The air was still and dry, and the sky was still full of light.

I was about halfway home when I realized there was a dog following me. I didn't see where it came from; it was just there, padding behind me, so big I wondered how I could possibly have not noticed it. It was easily the biggest dog I'd ever seen, mottled black and gray and absolutely massive, but there was also a certain leanness to it that made me think uncomfortably more of a wolf than a dog. It wore a leather collar that looked as though it had been gnawed on, and from the collar trailed a short piece of frayed, torn rope.

I wasn't as nervous as I guess most people would have been to see a dog like that following them. I'd always liked dogs, and dogs had always liked me. I'd never met a dog, no matter how big or how small, that I couldn't get along with. It was one of the blessings of my godfather, I was fairly sure, he who had, after all, been the father of the greatest wolf to ever live.

Nevertheless, this dog made even me uncomfortable, and I wondered if I should do something about it. Call a shelter or something, perhaps; by the looks of it, it had escaped from somewhere, and someone might want it back.

Then something else occurred to me. I hesitated and glanced back at the dog. It was watching me with bright green eyes. I'd never seen eyes like that on a dog before.

“Are you...Fenrir?” I asked. I felt a bit silly saying that, but I figured that if it was a normal dog it wouldn't tell anybody.

It wasn't a normal dog, though.

“I am,” the dog—the wolf—said. It had the deepest, graveliest voice I'd ever heard, and when it spoke slobber dribbled onto the sidewalk. “I am Fenrir, fame-wolf, son of Loki. Many bonds have I broken. The gods betrayed me and bound me with the dwarf-fetter Gleipnir, but when the end of days comes, I shall be free, and with my great jaws I shall devour the sun and the moon and the All-Father himself.”

I swallowed hard. “Pleased to meet you.”

The huge pink tongue lolled out in a grin. “Likewise, godchild.”

We kept walking. The great black wolf padded along beside me, silent despite its bulk.

“Do you mind if I ask you a question?” I said after a minute.

“I care not what you ask,” Fenrir said. “What I may answer is another story.”

I nodded. This again. “It's just...if you're bound by the, um, the thing...how can you be here now? Like this?”

“Ahh, little thing,” Fenrir said. “I am a god. I need not be in only one place at once.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling that this didn't entirely explain things. “Um. Is that how Loki can show up at my house even though he's...uh...”

“Bound deep beneath the earth with the entrails of my half-brother?” Fenrir growled. “Aye. In the darkest depths my father writhes against his own fetters and screams to feel the touch of poison on his brow. He is bound. Or he will be bound. Or he has been bound. Gods are...different, little thing. We do not move through time as you do.”

“Oh,” I said again.

“He was imprisoned for what he had done,” Fenrir said. “I was imprisoned for what I will do. But would I still do it if I had not been bound, and driven to revenge? What do you think, little thing?”

I was way out in the weeds by this point, but I couldn't just not answer, so I scraped my brain for a response. “Um, well...I guess that depends. I mean, did you want to eat the sun and the moon and everything before they tied you up?

“Ah, there's the question.” Fenrir licked his chops. “Perhaps. My hunger is great. But so is the hunger of Thor, for blood spilled and a good battle. So is the hunger of Odin, for wisdom and power. There are many kinds of hunger. And someone must eat the old sun at the end of days, so that a new one can be born. Perhaps someone must eat the old gods as well. It all goes around and around, little godchild.”

I considered this.

“Okay,” I said after a minute. “So you're saying it's kind of your job to eat everything?”

Fenrir snorted. “That could be said, yes.”

“So why did...do...whatever...the gods bother tying you up, then? It doesn't change anything!”

“Because they were afraid,” Fenrir said dryly. “And because they saw no other use for me. If my purpose is found at the end of all things, something must be done with me until then. The gods could have let me go free, but they were too afraid of my hunger running wild. Aye, my father may be a trickster, but it was the Aesir who lied to me. They swore it was only a test of my skill, that if I could not break free of this most paltry of binds they would release me, but when it held fast against me they only stood and laughed, and left me alone at the end of the world.”

I remembered that story. It had always scared me as a child, the big bad wolf with his slavering jaws, swearing he would only consent to be bound if one of the gods placed his hand in the wolf's mouth. I would yell at the image of the god Tyr in my storybook, telling him not to do it, knowing that he would lose his hand.

As a child, I'd always been relieved that the wolf was tied up safe and far away. As I got older, though, I'd begun to wonder...

“What would happen if they hadn't tied you up?” I asked.

“That is the question, is it not?” Fenrir said.

There was silence for a moment.

“If this all happens over and over again,” I said, “why don't you ever just...not agree to be tied up?”

Fenrir shook his head. “Because there is always a chance. Always a chance that perhaps this time...they are telling the truth.”

I didn't know what to say to that.

“You interest me, godchild,” Fenrir said. “You are something new, such as there has not been in a long time.”

I shrugged. “I'm not anything special, though. I mean, I don't feel like someone with any great destiny or anything. I'm just...me.”

Fenrir actually laughed. It was strange to watch. “Take it from me, little thing. A great destiny is not necessarily desirable.”

We turned a corner, the last corner on the trip home. I could see my house now, down the street. Fenrir stopped and turned his great shaggy head towards me.

“I came to look at you, godchild, to catch your scent,” he said. “But now I am here, I will tell you this: be wary of wolves, little thing, but be wary also of how you judge them.”

With that he set out at an easy run, or what seemed like an easy run, but within a few seconds he was already moving out of sight. Then he was gone, vanished into the slowly setting sun.

I finished the rest of the walk slowly. I had a lot to think about.

-----------------------------------

Notes:

1.) There seems to be some confusion over whether it’s Fenrir himself that eats the sun and the moon, or whether it’s two other wolves, which are possibly related to him. I pared things down a bit by having it just be him, but I’m no expert, so I couldn’t say which is likely to be more accurate.

2.) As far as I know, the idea of Fenrir (and everything else that happens during Ragnarok) doing a necessary job is just interpretation on my part. There’s definitely something cyclical going on there, but I don’t think it says anywhere that that’s the purpose Fenrir serves or anything. It’s just sort of something he does. But hey, we’re already pretty far outside the strict bounds of norse mythology as it was originally written and intended. 

[agatharights]

This is such a strange question, but Ive been thinking about mental illnesses and how it translate to cybertronians. So then I thought: how would a Cybertronian deal with an eating disorder? :S

For the sake of consistency, this is going to be specifically about bots in @tfmatrix and TF: The End/CRPH - two of my own settings. The fact is, we know jack goddamn shit about the actual biology/psychology of cybertronians in most settings, and what we do know is inconsistent as hell and depends on the writer, artist, and fandom interpretation, and I’m not gonna just slap anthropomorphism on them willy-nilly. So instead, we’re going to use my own worldbuilding, bc I actually have concrete answers for those!

Answers under the cut for WAY TOO MUCH length and Disordered Eating talk. This got…really wordy, in no small part because there’s a planned thing about this in Matrix After Dark.

The first thing that needs to be determined and maybe explained at least a little is Cybertronian physiology and psychology, particularly when it comes to food, fueling, digestion, all that fun stuff I love so much! One of the biggest differences is that food intake has, effectively, no baring on actual frame-weight for virtually all cybertronians. Except small individuals, such as mini-cons, may actually have a more obvious difference, but this is readily adjusted via their gravity field. Visual weight is also unaffected by fuel intake, except in a few very particular situations (which we’ll go into later.)

This means that some of the human drives that trigger certain eating disorders- namely weight and weight-specific cultural aspects, don’t have an actual equivalency among Cybertronians. There are weight-and-visual-weight related issues but these are expressed through bodily modification, and thus won’t be included here. In fact, an overfed bot will often weigh “less” after a certain point because their spark may be burning excess fuel by increasing their gravity field.

Cybertronian digestive systems vary a lot, between frametype and build groups, but they all tend to consist of the same basic bits: The intake, IE the mouth, proboscis, mandibles, input port in the throat or guts, where the fuel goes in. The fuel tank. Where fuel is stored and starts being processed- fuel tanks are typically divided and different forms of fuel are shunted into different portions to be broken down individually. The Spark is actually not just the ‘soul’, and where memory is stored, but it also functions as a vital part of the digestive system- through it’s own process, the Spark actually generates energon- converting other fuel sources to energon. There’s also more specialized organs, and also waste processes, but these three are gonna be the ones we focus on here.

There’s also a very muddy, gray-area divide between bots who have disordered eating as a result of social or mental pressure- versus those who have developed disordered eating as a result of the war itself: Most of the population has been in a state of frequent starvation ever since Cybertron’s fall started, and for much of the population the transition to requiring energon made other ways (which is quite a drain on resources, and does not produce perfectly equivalent energon as occurred naturally on Cybertron) was a rough one.

First off: Dysphoric Eating:

Many bots who were meant to live only on the purified, charged energon of Cybertron or of certain natures, or who had crystal-heavy diets, suddenly found that they had to find new sources of fuel and, frequently, they had to undergo physical modification in order to do so efficiently. This means that particularly during-and-post-war you have many bots with what I’m going to call dysphoric eating- individuals whose mental process of eating doesn’t match up with what their frame does or needs to do. This in particular results in self-starvation or ingesting otherwise inedible or unpalatable substances/objects, as fueling and digestion creates bodily dysphoria. Tastes may be registered continually as “wrong” or the actual sensation of different digestive components, such as modified tanks or the spark working differently, can cause discomfort or even perceived pain. Bots with dysphoric eating often either self-treat by finding unusual or particular fuel sources or fuel additives to ease symptoms, or may undergo medical adjustments or therapy to become more comfortable with the process.

(Two individuals who display symptoms of dysphoric eating in TF: Matrix would be Starscream and Arcee- Starscream will often try to refuse refueling with earthly fuels even when energon is scarce, and had developed an unusual taste for saltwater that can cause problems if he gives in to drinking it in excess. Arcee is very picky and often adds odd items she can’t actually digest properly to her fuel, in order to alter the taste or texture of it, and she also is oddly attracted to certain biofuels even though her frame cannot process them very efficiently. She particularly enjoys cooking oil, but Ratchet has to prevent her from indulging in it too much or else she’ll become ill.)

Binge Eating:

 As a disclaimer, the disordered eating I have the most experience with is binge eating, particularly in conjunction with comfort eating and craving-based binge eating. Binge eating, like others, can be seen as being somewhat divided by bots who have a natural inclination towards it, and those who develop it as a defense mechanism during the war. This division is, like all others, more of a spectrum than anything else, but it can help us determine a few things. This also requires some extrapolation between bots who have frametypes designed to handle large amounts of fuel all at once, versus those who aren’t.

Insecticons, Predacons, and many larger frametypes are “designed” so to speak, to have binge eating as their natural behavior, and thus they suffer no ill effects from it. Their healthy behavior involves eating basically anything and everything they can at once, followed by longer periods of non-fueling or even of digesting fuel into certain specific forms of energon to be shared with others or stored externally (honey, effectively.) As such, actual binge eating disorders are rare amongst them and often times much be particularly extreme- such as eating until one is physically damaged or cannot physically intake any more repeatedly, or waiting until damage begins to set in by going too long between binge periods. Insecticons and Predacons and those with particularly adept digestive systems may see a lack of physical injury from these practices, as they can often digest…well, virtually anything.

In other bots, this manifests much as it does in humans- either with or without periods of starvation between binges. It can involve simply intaking any and all fuel available, energon or non, or even binging upon otherwise unnecessary substances- such as additives, metals, treats, minerals, etc etc.

Binge eating is also commonly associated with becoming overcharged/intoxicated, as the state of having too much energy to safely burn off, even with otherwise harmless fuels, can have a drug-like effect on Cybertronians. They may become antsy- overly friendly and affectionate or overly irritable, suffer from mood swings and will often go through a period of manic behavior, followed by depressive, fatigued “crash” states as their digestive systems try to take a desperate break from processing so much.

Behavioral adjustments and regular reminders or guidance to adhere to a healthy eating schedule is generally used to treat these, either through therapy or other means. Binge eating is, however, often seen as rather common in both short and long term post-war- there’s always the risk that there will be another period of starvation overhead, and overfueling whenever possible has the advantage of getting a bot through a potential starvation period, so there’s a fairly logical reason why it becomes a compulsion to many.

(As a point of difference, in matrix, we can use the characters Barricade and Bumblebee. Barricade is prone to bouts of binge fueling, during which he also often deliberately uses other intoxicants. As a result, his behavior during these periods is erratic and his health can suffer for it- versus Bumblebee, who seems to engage in binge eating behaviors- to the point of doing things like eating rocks and wood or other seemingly indigestible materials. Bumblebee, however, is insecticon in build, and thus not only can he digest many things a typical cybertronian cannot (even if it may take longer at times) he also tends to fall into a regular cycle of hunger/disinterest in fueling that doesn’t otherwise affect his health or behavior. If prompted, he will even process his excess fuel intake into other forms of energon that he can regurgitate for other bots.)

Anorexia Equivalent / Self-Starvation:

Less common among Cybertronians is the act of self-starvation or otherwise obsessive control over fuel intake. Admittedly, I have the least experience with this, and it’s one I haven’t gone into much, so it’ll be relatively brief, but mechanisms can and do deny themselves appropriate amounts of fueling. This is often done as an expression of control, or self-punishment- or as a response to having previously gone long periods without proper fuel- the need to store fuel for some later date stronger than the desire to not starve right now. I’m afraid I don’t have much information yet on this particular form of disordered eating, but that may change in the future!

[2dtcnjspring]

Color

INTRO to Color:

It is not only the professional artist or designer who deals with color. All of us make color decisions almost every day. We constantly choose items to purchase of which the color is a major factor. Our world today is marked by bold uses of color in every area of ordinary living. We can make color choices for everything from home appliances to bank checks.

The study of color can be rather complex. The word color has so many aspects that it means different things to a physicist, optician, psychologist, poet, Lighting engineer and painter and the analysis of color becomes a multi faceted report in which many experts confidently describe their findings.

Any Study of color must start with a few important basic facts. The essential facts of color theory is that color is a property of light not an object itself. This property of lights was illustrated by Sir Isaac Newton in the 17th century when he put white light through a prism. The prism broke up white light into familiar rainbow of hues. Objects have no color of their own but merely the ability to reflect certain rays of white light which contain all the colors. Blue objects absorb all the rays except the blue ones and these are reflected to our eyes. Black objects absorb all the rays. White objects reflect all of them. The significance of this fact for the artist is that as light changes color will change.

Although color indeed comes from light the guidelines of color mixing and usage are different depending on whether the color source is light or pigment and dyes. Rays of light are direct light whereas the color of paint is reflected light. Color from light combines and forms new visual sensations based on what is called the additive system. On the other hand pigments combined in the subtractive system. Blue paint is blue because when light hits its surface The pigment absorbs (or subtracts) all of the color components except the blue that is reflected to our eyes. We need to be aware of both systems depending on the mediums that we use and when.

How is color perceived? Color is created by varying wavelengths of light that when reflected off a surface are interpreted as color. The specific color that is perceived by a viewer is determined by the degree to which a surface is able to reflect light and produce rays of different lengths. Reds have the longest wavelengths and violets have the shortest. White contains all colors and black is the produced by the absence of color or a surface where no visible light can be reflected. 

The hues that can be distinguished by the human eye are referred to as “the visible spectrum”: and are composed of a fairly limited range of colors including red, orange, yellow, green, blue, blue violet, and violet.

Color has a basic instinctive appeal. Monet’s two paintings of the House of Parliament are investigations of the same setting under different circumstances of light:

Properties of Color: 1. Hue: This is what we usually mean when we ask “what color is that?” This is the name of the color. The property of color that we are actually asking about is “hue". Red, yellow and blue are hues. Color and hue tend to be used as synonyms, but there are distinctions between the two terms. Hue describes the visual sensation of different part of the color spectrum. However when Hue can be very to produce many colors. So even though there are relatively few hues, there can be an almost unlimited amount of colors. Pink, rose, Scarlet, maroon, and Crimson are all colors, but the hue in each case is red.

2. Value: is the relative lightness or darkness of a hue. In pigment value can be altered by adding white or black paint to the color. Adding white light into color and produces a tint. Adding black dark and the color and produces a shade. Value like color itself, is variable and entirely dependent on the surrounding hues for its visual sensation.

If white is added to a color, the lighter version is called a “tint”. If the color is made darker by adding black, the result is called a “shade”. And if gray is added, each gradation gives you a different “tone.”

3. Chroma/Intensity/Saturation: describes the purity of a color. There is an easy way to think about this;  is there any white or black present in the color, if there is the color is not full chroma. Intensity refers to the brightness of the color. Because a color is at full intensity only one pure and unmixed a relationship exist between value and intensity. Mixing black or white with a color changes its value but at the same time affects its intensity. There are two ways to lower the intensity of a color to make a color less bright, more neutral or a duller. One way is to mix gray with a color. Depending on the gray used you can do a color without changing its value. The second way is to mix a color with its complement the color directly across from it on the color wheel. Complementary colors are direct opposites imposition and in character. Mixing complementary colors together and neutralizes them but when complementary colors are placed next to each other they intensify each other’s brightness. When blue and orange or side-by-side each color appears brighter than any other context.

Color Temperature

Cool and warm are sensations of touch not sight. Because of the learned association of color and objects we continue to identify and relate the sensations of different senses. Red and orange (fire) and yellow (sunlight) become identified as warm colors. Similarly blue (sky, water) and green (grass,plants) are always thought of as cool colors.

Touching an area of red surely will not burn your hand but looking at red will indeed and do you say feeling of warmth. The effects may be purely psychological but the results are very real. Consider painting a bedroom or an office space blue, how would that make you feel?

As warm colors tend to advance, well cool colors seem to recede, the artist may use the warm / cool relationship to establish a feeling of depth and volume.

Color Wheel Models Artists, designers and scientists have developed numerous models to visually compare colors and how they interact with other hues. These wheels or diagrams are commonly used to show the relative relationships between particular hues. The most common organization for the relationships of basic colors is the color wheel. The wheel system dates back to the early 18th century. The most common one to us organizes 12 hues which are divided into multiple categories.

We can break down the color wheel into color scheme or harmonies. These can be used as formulas to work with to create a visually unified composition.

Primary Colors: includes red, yellow and blue and are pure hues, which are unrelated to each other. By mixing the right amount of of primary colors it is possible to create any color on the spectrum.

Secondary Colors: include violet, orange, and green. They are made by combining equal amounts of two primary colors.

Tertiary Colors: are located between primary and secondary hues on the color wheel and have more of one primary color then they other. For example: a blue violet has more blue in it then it have of a violet color. How a tertiary color appears will depend on which primary color is dominant in the mixture.

Complementary hues: are any two color located directly opposite or across from each other on the color wheel. There are a total of six pairs of complementary colors. Complementary colors have a contradictory relationship with each other. A color is both attracted to and repelled by its complement. The push/pull of the complement can be used as a way to attract a viewer’s attention. 

Split complementary hues: refer to a primary color and two secondary colors that are located adjacent to the hues’ complement on the color wheel. 

Analogous combinations: refer to a primary hue and two adjacent hues next to each other on the color wheel. Analogous color combinations tend to be harmonious because they reflect similar wavelengths of light.

Triad Harmonies: are any three hues spaces equidistantly around the color wheel. Because primary and secondary colors are equidistant from each other, they combine to create triadic color combinations. 

Tetrad combinations: are made up of four hues, which are sets of complements or split complements. 

Monochromatic color combinations: refers to variations of a single hue that includes tints (the hue plus white) and shades (the hue plus black). Like analogous colors, monochromatic color combinations are considered to be harmonious.

Master of Color Johannes Itten a master of color, Itten believed that while there are some predictable color relationships and outcomes, much of how artists and designers use, and audiences perceive, color is subjective and determined by context.

Optical Mixing Optical color mixing is created through our perception of color. When one looks at two small amounts of different colors laid down side by side the two appear to create a different color. This is similar to the mixing of two pigments (ink or paint) though sometimes the mixing of color causes them to loose their intensity. The mixing of pigments combines along certain guidelines to create new colors. However muddy or dull colors are often the result. Even when mixing adjacent colors on the color wheel you may find the results to be less intense than you anticipated. Pigments simply will never reproduce the luminescent brilliant quality of light. Re-organizing this artist have struggled with a problem and tried various techniques to overcome it. One attempt is called visual mixing. When two colors mix optically, they retain their intensity and they sometimes appear brighter. Rather than mixing two colors on the palette, artists place to pure color side-by-side and small areas so the viewers eye at a certain distance will do the mixing. Or perhaps they drag a brush of thick pigment of one color loosely across a field of another color.

Consider a TV screen or a computer screen. The screen is composed of thousands of luminous pixels. The colors we see our visual mix of the light primaries red, blue and green.

This type of color mixing was practiced by the Impressionists and Post-Impressionists painters at the end of the 19th century. The best example is work by Georges Seurat who laid down small dots of different colors and allowed the viewer to optically mix them.

In the nineteenth century, several technological innovations led to a completely new approach to color in painting.  Photography quickly surpassed the painters in its ability to render monochromatic values.  This made painters strive to reproduce the more vibrant effects of color that photography still could not capture.  Modern industrial chemistry discovered new synthetic pigments that were both permanent and far more vivid than the classical artists’ pigments.  All this lead to the development of pre-mixed paints in squeezable metal tubes; this made it much easier for an artist to leave the studio and study the colors of nature and the effects of light outdoors.

In the detail below, you can see that the clothing and shadows on the ground are painted with various bright colors in close proximity, colors that do not correspond with the actual surface colors of the objects being depicted.  The overall impression of the colors in the painting is vibrant but not unnatural.

French Impressionism was the product of all these changes.  The old methods started to seem stodgy and lacking in spontaneity, and in any case were unsuited to quick plein air painting.  You can observe optical color mixing effects starting from the beginnings of the impressionist movement, as in this Renoir painting.

Another way to think about optical mixing is by looking at the half-tone printing process used in industry printing. A halftone image is made up of a series of dots rather than a continuous tone. These dots can be different sizes, different colors, and sometimes even different shapes. Larger dots are used to represent darker, more dense areas of the image, while smaller dots are used for lighter areas.

Halftone images are used in newspapers and magazines because it is a much more efficient way to print images. Since a halftone image is made up of discreet dots, it requires significantly less ink to print than a continuous tone image. As long as the resolution of the image is high enough, the dots appear as a continuous image to the human eye. If the halftone image is full color and a high enough resolution the color in the image should appear subtly mixed even though they are not, thus mimicking the optical mixing idea used in the arts.

Chuck Close - Please see our next tumblr post for more in depth information on his work.

[izzyovercoffee]

Is there anything you can tell me about Mando colour symbolism that isn't already on that "armour colour" post? I'm planning out a Sabine POV story where it would be relevant.

Well, yes and no. I went over the “facts” of colors and mandalorian color theory. What I can do now is kind of dig deeper into the actual mando’a words for colors, and maybe extrapolate more on the etymology of each word as they’re relevant to colors. If anything, it’ll give you an idea of how to break down the colors and maybe play with the meanings, or even the construction of the words themselves. Hopefully that helps?

I got a little carried away (again?) so I apologize for the length and time it took to put this together … and also you can take everything I say with a grain of salt as I’m trying to make sense of the etymology of these words. I’m also skipping orange as there’s no word for in the dictionary as of yet, and including violet since it is.

So, let’s go in the order that I went in the original post. Forewarning that black is going to be the longest section as I’ve thought about it maybe way too much.

ne’tra — black 

Ne’ is traditionally one of the negative prefixes of mando’a. It’s meant to indicate the opposite of what it’s attached to, or the not-thing. Tra means space, void … but it also translates to starfield, or field of stars. 

So. Black. Justice. Not the void of space, or, alternatively, Without stars, a starless night. 

However way you want to interpret that is up to you, but to me? From what I understand of mandalorian history? They were once a truly nomadic people, who voyaged across the stars. They were, arguably, wayfinders. More than just warriors, or conquerors, or however most would like to put it.

I originally wasn’t going to do this, but because you mentioned (elsewhere) that you’re focusing on dusk, I want to take a moment to extrapolate on this thought. The reason I say this is because of how they view stars. 

Mandalorians are generally not considered to be religious. But the language they speak is still very deeply steeped in poetic concepts — grasping at the enormous and unthinkable with words as clever and broad as a people can attempt to embody them. Stars is my personal favorite.

Ka’ra — stars, ruling council of fallen leaders. Mandalorians still speak of those who pass as not being dead, but marching far far away. The origin of the word stars is the belief that the Mand’alore ascend to the stars, to watch over the people and to guide them.

The word for breath is kar’am. Hyperdrive is karbakar (star to star). Kar’ta is heart. Kar’taylir is awareness, knowledge, lit. to hold in the heart. Karyai is the main communal living room of a communal home, where a family convenes to spend time together — and often the last bastion against an invasion.

Jate’kara, luck, destiny, literally good stars, a course to steer by. 

All of these words stem from stars.

Black, the color, is literally a starless night. But, while the impulse is to go for something negative, I would actually pull away from that. Mandalorians, in general, also view adversity (something difficult, something terrible, something terrifying) as something to challenge and overcome as a way of life. A starless night is not to be feared but to be met. 

A starless night may also be indicative, poetically, of a place or a people or an event without justice. And that void, that emptiness, that lack? Must be filled. Whomsoever wears black has taken it upon themselves to fill a void and reinstate justice in whatever manner that may mean.

But also consider: a night without stars evokes a specific sort of image and feeling … which may also be completely different depending on the person in question. Someone who lives in a bright city and experiences light pollution would be used to a night without stars, versus someone living out in the wild (like Krownest) or who is dependent on the stars to travel, would be used to a night full of stars and may find it distressing or strange.

ve’vut — gold

This one is a little less straightforward. Vut, or vutyc, indicates special. Unique, precious. Ve’ (pronounced vay or veh) is unclear as to what it’s meant to indicate, but often when we see ve’ as a prefix, it’s usually from ven (future tense), but in this case it may be from vheh, earth, soil, dirt. 

Gold. Vengeance. A precious future, or, precious metal.

Maybe evocative of the sun rising after a long and difficult night. The gold of the sun rising is a promise of a future — or at the very least, the feeling of surviving to tomorrow. This might be too poetic though lmao, and tbh … I really like the simplicity and the directness of precious metal (lit. special dirt, lmao).

The funny thing here is that though I have gold and yellow listed together for meaning (as they are, generally, considered under the same banner of Vengeance), the word for yellow is different.

shi'yayc — yellow

So. I’m not really a fan of this word, to be perfectly honest with you. I’m of the opinion this is less an actual color and more an adjective meant to describe something else. But regardless, here it is.

From shi, just/only, and yayc, which may be from oyayc, meaning alive (or oya! which carries many meanings and generally overwhelmingly positive). Generally though, with the yc added to the end, it’s less a noun and more an adjective, so it might actually be meant to be a descriptor (ie. yellowing of skin or eyes etc). 

Yellow. Vengeance. Only just alive, or barely dead.

Maybe comparison to, say, a recently deceased person — but that only really works if one assumed that all dead persons are pale and turn yellow when they die, and that’s a weird assumption to make in the context of mandalorians.

Also consider: yellow is dull compared to the shine of a metallic gold. Less intense in that way. My question is what becomes of a person after they’ve enacted vengeance? What becomes of a life devoid of a perpetual motivating force like that? What happens when gold loses its sheen and fades, dulls? 

Am I just taking this too far, to the next level it doesn’t need to go? maybe

EDIT:: w/ points from anon through a later ask, I’d like to also add what they said: 

you pondered about the connotations of yellow regarding ‘just/barely alive’ and its comparison to gold. I thought maybe it’s about flames/light - like a bright vivid flame is a bright gold, while the flame, when it’s only small and ->barely alive

I hadn’t even consider that it might have been referencing intensity of light/fire? But the way you put it, that may actually make more sense than the direction I was going in. I was definitely perplexed somewhat, like I was missing something. This sounds like what I was missing.

That could also apply for the heat of a flame, too. Like, referring to the intensity of the light, or the intensity of the heat, or both, depending entirely on context, and related to the below.

Lust for life

So, there’s no word for orange in mando’a at this time.

Consider: Yellow is sometimes indicated to also mean lust for life, depending on who you ask and what source material you’re comparing it to.

It’s entirely possible that mandalorians don’t have a way to differentiate between yellow and orange. Some cultures do display a limitation in language, seeing what we would consider a range (yellow to orange) as all one spectrum under the same banner.

So while Yellow may mean barely alive/barely dead, yellow may also mean nothing but life.

Something to think about.

genet — gray

Gray/Silver. Mourning lost love.

Ge’ for almost, by proximity (literally or metaphorically). Net, we can assume, comes from the word for black, ne’tra. So, in this case, gray is literally almost black, but not quite. Reaching towards it, maybe, but not quite there.

I’ve used overcast before to describe gray, or the feeling of a loss, of grief, and it still applies here. Almost, not quite, as a starless night sky. Duller, paler, than a starfield. That kind of thing—perpetually in comparison to black.

Also consider that it may infer obscuring the target, instead of almost reaching black, it may act like a filter, a translucent overlay to take away or obscure intensity of (in this case from black, or night sky). Mandalorians, who are (or once was) so used to navigating by/the stars, suddenly having to deal with their guidance obscured? There’s loss, there, too.

kebiin — blue

This one’s a little … less straightforward. Ke’ is used as an imperative prefix, usually to indicate that this word/sentence is a command, but keb may also come from kebbur, meaning to try or make an attempt. Biin, or bii, may come from abiik, air (interestingly, kebii’tra indicates sky, so it’s literally blue starfield, blue space).

What is reliable? What is faithful? Following through, or making the attempt again and again—someone consistent, trustworthy. To stretch the meaning, as trustworthy as the air. 

Blue. Reliability. Faithful. As consistent, or trustworthy, as the air.

I wonder if that was ever a phrase in use. “As trustworthy as the air” might ring true on a planet where they can breathe without their helmets … but what if they so happen to land on a planet that they cannot?

In hindsight, that sounds like a very mando joke to make. B’)

“Who ever is reliable all the time?” Both a joke and a very serious question.

ge’tal — red

Ge shows up again. Almost. Tal, blood. Almost blood, or nearly / like blood. 

From what I understand, the Taung did bleed red, and since they were the original mandalorians, it makes sense for them to make the simplest association for the color.

Red. Honoring a parent. 

This is kind of a call back, imo, to the saying “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” as chosen family ties are stronger than that of biological ones, and consider that mandalorians are expected to shed blood for their chosen family if it ever came to it.

But also consider pointing at a rose and, quite literally, calling it like blood. 

vorpan — green

Vor, figuratively, is to thank. Literally, it’s to accept. Pan… is a little difficult to discover what it might indicate, or where it may come from, but from the two other words it’s a part of (epan, for guts, entrails, and sapan for electromagnet) we can kind of infer that it’s meant to indicate core, or insides, the interior of a thing.

Metaphorically, vorpan can be understood to be accepting a task to fulfill with one’s whole being. For context, vorpan’oy is the word for vegetation, as in bringing life to green.

Green. Duty. To embody one’s accepted task. 

Not really sure why, but let’s go with that.

saviin — violet

This word is actually very close to Sabine’s name — they’re pronounced the same, just with a v instead of b. In some dialects or accent, one might say they are the same. I would argue they are.

So. Violet. Saviin. Sa’ most likely comes from sarad, meaning flower, bloom. Viin is from viinir, for run. 

Running flower. Wild violets are considered weeds in some places, and so instead of run as in flee, run may lean more towards running wild, an overgrowth — or a plant that can live, even thrive, anywhere, in spite of adversity and outside forces attempting to eradicate them. 

Survival in adversity.

And, maybe unintentionally maybe not, given the above I would argue it’s a perfect name for Sabine under the circumstances. 

EDIT:: referring again to points brought up by anon in a later ask:

saviin sounds a lot like Sabine, which seems very very likely to me, considering the long i (or rather e - from an anglophone perspective) and that [v] and [b] are very similar sounds, so maybe Sabine is like a basic transcription or a dialect form of Saviin. Regarding the meaning of the colour/name

My etymology for it would be the following: “viin”/“bine” being a degenerated/shortened form (or even the root?) of kebiin - blue connected with “sa” - as, like, it gives “sa viin” - “like blue”, what is kind of a good description for purple/violet, implying the standard shade in mandalorian perception would be a darker bluish purple ALSO implying that the concept of purple cam up comparably late in the language, similar of the color orange getting it’s name rather late in germanic languages 

I was going color by color so I missed the connection in the effort to complete the post, which was an oversight by me sadly. 

It might also then directly connect the connotations of blue (reliability) with purple (adaptability, survival in adversity). They who are reliable can be depended on to adapt and survive adversity, or so on, kind of like orange (lust for life) from yellow, as thought about from above (the intensity of the flame).

Definitely some interesting things to think about.

[midnight-writing]

ᴛ ᴇ ᴍ ᴘ ʟ ᴀ ᴛ ᴇ

ʙ ʏ

dog dad

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╭──────────────────╮

s ᴛ ᴀ ᴛ ᴜ s • Completed

ᴛ ʀ ɪ ɢ ɢ ᴇ ʀ s • Death, light amount of blood within images, mention of bullying, and mental disorders.

ғ ᴀ ᴄ ᴇ ᴄ ʟ ᴀ ɪ ᴍ • Maddie Hasson

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ᴄ ᴏ ɴ ᴛ ᴇ ɴ ᴛ s ˎˊ˗

i Teaser

ii Name iii General

iv Appearance v Personality

vi Health vii Combat

viii Stats ix Background

x Relations xi Roleplay Info

xii Author’s Notes

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❝I’m not great at the advice can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?❞

—Chandler Bing, Friends

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ᴏ ᴄ ᴛ ᴇ ᴀ s ᴇ ʀ ˎˊ-

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Girl On Fire

“There is a girl

She is wise

and wary of flames

but still, she knows

she will survive the fire

life scorches sometimes.

she has been a phoenix before

and every time

she burns to ashes

she knows

exactly how to rise

again.

She carries

destruction grief

carved river deep in her bones

specializes in

wrecking ball

knows how to bring

the whole thing down

surveys the broken

claims it as wholeness

and names it all good

she knows well

the holy necessity

of beginning again.”

-Jeanette LeBlanc

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ɢ ᴇ ɴ ᴇ ʀ ᴀ ʟ ˎˊ-

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—full name

Kallel Hope Hartman

People don’t bug her too much about her name, besides about it being a rarer name.

—meanings

[Kallel] Laurel, Keeper of the Keys.

[Hope] The feeling that a desire will be fulfilled.

[Hartman] Strong man.

—aliases

Kallie. This is what she goes by since she’s not a huge fan of her full first name, everyone calls her this except her step mom.

Kal. Something her best friend Caleb calls her and sometimes her dad does too, there’s no reasoning behind it and she doesn’t mind it.

—age

16. She can be a bit immature at times, but most of the time she acts about her age.

—gender

Female. She was born this gender and has never really thought about changing it.

She/Her

—birth

June 6th in Minneapolis Minnesota. Gemini.

—species

Demi-god

—Godly-Parent

Nike. The Greek Goddess of Victory

—attraction

Bisexual and Biromantic

❝Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.❞

—Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

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ᴀ ᴘ ᴘ ᴇ ᴀ ʀ ᴀ ɴ ᴄ ᴇ ˎˊ-

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Kallie is only a little smaller than average height for her age, she is 5’ 3”. She is on the thinner side weighing 110 lbs. She may be a bit thin but she’s fit and has a bit of strong muscle. She doesn’t eat a ton of junk and keeps active since she is on track team.

Her Hair is a light blonde and her eyes are hazel with a strong brown hue. Her hair is straight and soft, usually up in a messy bun or a ponytail. Her eyes are darker in color and she has under eye bags due to not getting enough sleep every night. Her eyelashes are of a medium thickness and length. She has 20/20 vision and has never needed visual assistance. Her eyebrows are thinner, slightly arched and about the same color as her hair.

Her skin doesn’t really have any freckles, or birthmarks, but she has a tiny dot near the left corner of her lips. She gets blemishes ever once in a while due to being a teenager, but does not use makeup to cover it up and normally doesn’t wear makeup at all. She has a thin scar of a line going from the bottom of her left ear towards her nose. Her hands and feet are smaller and thin due to being small boned. Her hands are in between soft and rough since she plays sports and sometimes works on cars, outdoor equipment, etc…

Kallie tends to wear shorts until it becomes way too cold to. She wears a lot of t-shirts, hoodies, flannels and ripped jeans. She mainly wears darker colors and more neutral tones, a lot of black, white, and gray. She rarely wears dresses, during formal occasions there’s a stronger chance of her wearing a feminine styled suit. She doesn’t care too much about her appearance and mainly focuses on comfort.

❝She wasn't looking for a knight, she was looking for a sword.❞

—Atticus

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ᴘ ᴇ ʀ s ᴏ ɴ ᴀ ʟ ɪ ᴛ ʏ ˎˊ-

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P E R S O N A L I T Y T Y P E

ENFP-T

ᴍ ᴀ ɪ ɴ ᴛ ʀ ᴀ ɪ ᴛ s

Stubborn | Sarcastic | Independent | Altruistic

Strong-willed | Outgoing | Curious | Absent Minded

Kallie can be very stubborn at times, if she does doesn’t want to do something she will or won’t, she doesn’t let peer pressure affect her too much unless it’s over something not serious that would affect her in the long run. Being strong-willed can connect to her stubbornness since when she wants to do something she will do it no matter how difficult a task or how long it takes her. She’s friendly and outgoing to most people as long as they don’t do anything to offend her, she tries to be friends with as many people as she can. Although she likes having friends, she can be by herself for a while and do things herself since she is independent and may not feel the need of another person to be present all of the time. Due to her being both curious and absent minded she can get distracted easily. Her mind will lead to something else and may throw her off task from time to time. She also tends to ask a lot of questions about unknown things due to her curiousness. Being altruistic or selfless leads her to put others before herself, if someone else needs help she is likely to put herself in danger to help them without being in ti to benefit herself.

She tends to tap on tables or her leg without realizing it along with picking at loose threads on her clothes, peeling paint on objects, or loose stickers. Picking at things tends to happen more often when she is nervous or in a stress inducing situation. When she is happy she tends to have energy and be talkative, which becomes stronger when she is excited, she’ll be more willing to socialize with someone who she may not like as much. The opposite will usually happen when she is sad or angry, she will become less energetic and less talkative, although she tries not to let a lot of negative emotions show since she doesn’t like bothering people with them or talking about her feelings. When in social situations like parties she tends to try and initiate conversation with people she doesn’t know well as long as they don’t seem to be in a sour mood or bothered by her. If it’s her friends she’ll speak to them no matter their mood and try to make them feel better.

Kallie is claustrophobic and does not like to be within small spaces that have no area to escape from, it isn’t as bad as some people have it since she is okay as long as there is a way to get out of the small space when she begins to panic. She has a slight fear of needles but it has dwindled as she has gotten older, she can’t look whenever they are used and sometimes needs a stress reliever, she won’t pass out but she will be quite anxious during the process. There’s no real cause for these fears within her past, she just has never liked small spaces or needles.

F A T A L - F L A W

ㅤOver confidence.

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❝She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.❞

—Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor and park

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ʜ ᴇ ᴀ ʟ ᴛ ʜ ˎˊ-

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Kallie has only some visible muscles on her biceps, but she is fit and healthy. She has a flat stomach although with slightly defined abs. Overall her body is thinner since she is smaller boned and has a faster metabolism than most people. She also stays fit due to going to the gym at least once a week depending on her schedule, playing sports helps her stay fit too. She is also naturally more athletically bit due to her godly-parent. She tends to eat more snacks, but works them off.

Overall her skin is pretty clear of scarring, there are random small ones from working on things and playing outside when she was younger but she does have a thin scar of a line going from the bottom of her left ear towards her nose. She has no need for visual hearing assistance since both her eyes and ears function well.

Her immune system is pretty well and works as well as the average person, she gets sick every once in a while but due to her lifestyle being a bit healthier she tends to not catch the cold when it’s going around.

She has both Hyperactive-impulsive ADHD and Dyslexia due to being a Demi-god.ㅤ

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❝Normality is a paved road: It's comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.❞

—Vincent van Gogh

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ᴄ ᴏ ᴍ ʙ ᴀ ᴛ ˎˊ-

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Kallie is pretty agile but her hits don’t do as much damage as she wished they did. She doesn’t really have an algorithm with how she fights someone yet, she just does whatever seems right at the moment and doesn’t really plan her hits. She usually only fights in self defense and usually is pretty lucky about how much damage she takes in a fight. She knows the basics of self defense since she has taken a couple classes in the past.

Kallie’s main weapons are her fists, pepper spray or anything else she can grab, but she rarely uses anything lethal. Once she is taken to Camp, her main weapon will become a celestial bronze sword, which she would find she has the most confidence in using.

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❝It doesn’t matter what you are, it only matters what you do. It’s your choice.❞

—Sam Winchester, Supernatural

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s ᴛ ᴀ ᴛ s ˎˊ-

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sᴛʀᴇɴɢᴛʜ

8/10

She is on the stronger side due to the influence of her mot. She is a bit stronger than an average person her height and weight naturally would be. She wants to gain strength so she can feel more confident in defending herself when needed.

ᴘᴇʀᴄᴇᴘᴛɪᴏɴ

6/10

She is aware of what’s happening around her most of the time and has natural battle instincts, although since she becomes distracted easily she can lose track of events that are happening and what she is doing. She is okay at reading people’s emotions, most of the time she can interpret how they feel, but sometimes she may be oblivious.

ᴇɴᴅᴜʀᴀɴᴄᴇ

9/10

Her endurance is pretty high since she was always taught to be tough and keep going even when it gets difficult. She’ll get right back up after being down, both emotionally and physically. She can run for a while longer than the average person, especially in the case of meeting a goal.She can endure quite a bit of pain, though she’s also stubborn enough to keep going even if its a lot. Emotionally her endurance is pretty good also.

ᴄʜᴀʀɪsᴍᴀ

7/10

She does very well in social situations since she is an outgoing and friendly person. She’s also pretty good at fooling people when telling a lie. Most of the time people believe what she says since she’s not one to lie about anything that would hurt anyone. She’s not much of a flirt and can be slightly awkward when it comes to romance since she doesn’t think about romance often.

ɪɴᴛᴇʟʟɪɢᴇɴᴄᴇ

6/10

She is more street smart than book smart, her lowest grade being a C in math due to the trouble she has understanding the subject. She has mainly Bs in her other classes, she tends to get As in the more hands on classes that she has as electives. Though it’s difficult to keep her grades consistent since she has moved schools quite a few times.

ᴀɢɪʟɪᴛʏ

9/10

She is very quick and flexible and has always been. She participated in gymnastics when she was younger, leading her to be quite a bit more flexible than the average person. She is quicker too since she runs a lot and focuses on being faster when participating in track practice or a meet.

ʟᴜᴄᴋ

6/10

Her luck tends to be pretty good, it’s better than the average person due to her mother’s influence. When guessing she is more right than wrong most of the time, especially when guessing who’s going to win something. She does believe in luck and that 13 is her lucky number.

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❝Being underestimated is one of the biggest competitive advantages you can have. Embrace it.❞

—Unknown

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ʙ ᴀ ᴄ ᴋ s ᴛ ᴏ ʀ ʏ ˎˊ-

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Kallie was born into a good environment, her family loved her and they had enough money to be comfortable. At a young age she learned about hard work since her parents didn’t give her an allowance unless she did her chores and didn’t misbehave too much, the same went for her siblings. She was a very active child, she had a lot of energy, and was always wanting to play inside or outside. She would often try and help her dad fix things around the house or in the garage. She could often be found taking clocks or random electronics apart to try and put them back together again, this led her to discover her hobby of tinkering.

In 1st grade when Kallie was 6 she was diagnosed with ADHD. She had been falling behind the other kids a little since she seemed to have attention problems. This caused her teacher to call her mother and talk about it. Soon Kallie was taken to a pediatrician and was diagnosed. Around the age of 6 she also discovered her love of videogames when she began playing games with her brothers when they let her.

She also learned the lesson of grieving and strength when she lost her mother at 8 years old. Carolina had died in a car crash due to a drunk driver, both drivers had died. It was difficult for her to lose her mother since she was very close to her and didn’t quite understand what had happened since she was younger,, but together as a family they supported each other.

Kallie joined a small dance team when she was 9 and managed to make quite a few friends on the team and school but eventually grew apart from a few as she moved on to middle school. During middle school she joined the track team and the lacrosse team. She quickly figured out she was pretty good at sports and was naturally athletic. Although she had found joy in the teams at school, she found a bit of struggle in academics due to her ADHD, especially within her math classes. She had also become a target for a few girls that would pick on her weight and grades, but her friends helped her cope with it.

Once she moved onto high school Kallie had lost a few more friends but still had multiple that she enjoyed spending time with. She also met Caleb freshman year when he moved to Minnesota from England. They quickly bonded and over the years became best friends. She had a boyfriend her sophomore year that ended in a bad breakup at the beginning of that summer. During her high school years she participated in track, swim, and lacrosse, along with the dance company she had been in for years. Being on that many teams kept her busy and also added to her struggles in school, but she didn’t really mind. The bullying continued throughout high school but gradually diminished.

After highschool Kallie moved into her own apartment and began college. She picked an engineering degree and worked at a local restaurant as a waitress. Her wage and tips were the main source of her income but sometimes she would work as a handyman within her apartment complex if the landlord didn’t come to fix something quick enough or she’d help fix people’s cars if she could.

ㅤ ❝She needed a hero so that’s what she became.❞

—Unknown

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ʀ ᴇ ʟ ᴀ ᴛ ɪ ᴏ ɴ s ˎˊ-

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m o t h e r

❝N/A.❞

status: [Unknown]

Nike left Steven (her father) as soon as she was born so she never knew her mother or knew that she was a goddess. Her father knew but had made the agreement to never tell.

f a t h e r

❝He may be forgetful sometimes, but he always has good intentions.❞

status: [alive]

Steve(n) and her were really close but they’ve gradually separated. He cares a lot about Kallie but sometimes work gets in the way of spending time with her. When Nike and him were together, he was apart of a city level hockey team, though now he is a business manager.

s t e p - m o t h e r

status: [alive]

❝Her and I don’t exactly see eye to eye.❞

s t e p - b r o t h e r s

❝Sometimes he’s a bit too serious, but I still love him.❞

status: [alive]

Alex(ander) and her were closer when she was younger but they grew apart once he moved out and went off to college.They had separate mothers and he and Jason are from Diana’s previous relationship.

❝We are two peas in a pod.❞

status: [alive]

Jason and her are and always have been very close, especially since they are only a year apart. They may get in simple fights but they get along again afterwards.

B e s t f r i e n d

❝We know each other so well we can almost read each other’s minds.❞

status: [alive]

Caleb/Abe and her are really close even though they only met freshman year. ㅤ

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❝The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.❞

—Carl Jung

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ʀ ᴏ ʟ ᴇ ᴘ ʟ ᴀ ʏ ɪ ɴ ғ ᴏ ˎˊ-

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Find my rules [here] (WIP)

ᴀᴠᴀɪʟᴀʙɪʟɪᴛʏ

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❝I won't sit still, look pretty.❞

—Daya, Sit Still, Look Pretty

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ᴀ ᴜ ᴛ ʜ ᴏ ʀ s ɴ ᴏ ᴛ ᴇ ˎˊ-