#(which is also why go s2 didn’t hit as strong for me but that’s another point)

[ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes]

Give me a ship that has the slightest hint of being queer platonic and I promise you I will go wild

[vickyvicarious]

do u have any atla fic recs? all time faves? can be shippy or not

Fun fact, I am incapable of holding back on reclists. In other words: brace yourself, anon. There’s a reason I put most of this behind a cut.

First off, these are almost all Zuko-centric, because I shamelessly play favorites. I’ll sort them by author rec, gen, shippy, and then by other characters because honestly the numbers break down well that way. Within those categories it’ll be more just as I think of it, so no special meaning to the order. I’m not always good about bookmarking even my faves, so some excellent stuff will no doubt be missing, especially since I haven’t read a lot of the more recent stuff yet/forgot some really old stuff, but this will definitely still give you plenty of fic to enjoy.

There’s a good number of FFN links on here so apologies to people who dislike it, but a lot of great stuff is still on there so give it a chance.

Author recs

Everything by @awesomeavocadolove​​  Such hits as Another Brother (Zuko adopted by Hakoda pre-S1), and currently has a Zukka soulmate fic I’ve been meaning to start reading, as well as Unchained Melody, one of my favorite Zukka fics ever. Always quality, you can’t go wrong.

Everything by KimberlyT.  I do not kid. She’s written a variety of ATLA fic ranging from Zutara/other romance to gen, seriously emotional to cracky cabbagebending. I think my favorite is probably Mismatched (S1 Zuko adopts a baby) but honestly just go read it all.

Everything by @emletish-fish​​. She has a very fun writing style and honestly her end-of-chapter notes on why she’s made the choices she has are fun minimetas worthwhile in their own right. Some of her top fics are the Stalking Zuko series (S3 suspicious Katara to Zutara) and The Worst Prisoner (the Gaang kidnaps Zuko in S1 and can’t get rid of him). I think there’s still a good amount of her fic that can only be found on FFN so check there too.

Everything by @botherkupo​​. Especially her Undying Fire series (healer!Zuko) but also just literally everything she writes, it is all so great. Tends toward Zutara but strong gen fics as well sometimes and a lot of fun. Check it all out!

Everything by @muffinlance​​. Loves to toy with her readers’ emotions in the best of ways. Tons of fantastic gen Zuko-centric AUs, I have adored every single fic I’ve ever read by her, can’t praise them enough. Very productive as well, her tumblr is a hub for the ATLA renaissance and her fics inspire lots of others. Has also organized a fanmade ATLA coloring book for charity so get that once it’s out. In the meantime read everything she’s written.

Everything by Haicrescendo. My favorite is What We’re Given (the series where Zuko finds more air bisons and raises them), but there’s a lot of good Zukka fic too. I tend to steer away from explicit works in this fandom unless it’s a smaller part of a much longer plot-centric fic, so there are a number I haven’t read, but I really like the Pokemon!AU Zukka.

Everything by @gaycinema. I really love the EK fight club series (Zuko fights in Rumbles/etc.) but all of it is a good read. Some Jetko, mostly a lot of introspective or emotional oneshots. Which isn’t really a great depiction of how good they tend to be, you’ll just have to read them and find out. You won’t regret it, trust me.

Everything by @captainkirkk. So far eight stellar fics, starting with kind Fire Lord Zuko and ranging to Floating Tea Shop!Zuko who doesn’t want to hunt the Avatar. I love her style and have laughed out loud at multiple of these. 

Gen Zuko fic

Bringing Out the Blue by maguena1. [unfinished, long] Definitely worth the read. The first ATLA fic I ever got really sucked into. The Blue Spirit never gets knocked out so Aang doesn’t know his true identity; he joins the Gaang on a recurring basis, while Zuko attempts to tell himself this is only for information on how to catch them, they definitely aren’t his friends.

It’s Impossible by Sandra Phillips. [abandoned, long] One of the earliest Avatar!Zuko fics (sort of) and a really interesting take on some spirit stuff.

Embers by Vathara. [complete, long] A landmark fic in the fandom, and for good reason. I didn’t love everything about this fic, but it is very well-written and an absorbing read certainly worth the praise. 

the art of description by incandescens. [oneshot, short] Five descriptions of Zuko and Toph’s field trip from various perspectives. Short, sweet, and funny.

Breaking Point by Kryal. [oneshot, short] Zuko isn’t banished but instead sent to serve in the Home Guard. I love Zuko loving his people, and alternate canon explorations, and this is exactly that.

The Alternative by Lunatique. [oneshot, short] The reason Zuko is so determined is because he fears what will happen if he isn’t the next Fire Lord. An idea I support in canon, to a degree, written well.

Hands and Knees by gigerisgod. [oneshot, short] Zuko reflects on the choices he’s made, and experiences he’s had, when joining the Gaang. A nice introspective fic.

Relative Misery by peroxidepest17. [oneshot, short] Toph complains about her family and Zuko takes her on a field trip. Not a fic I take too seriously, but funny in a sad way.

Second Nature by lazyartisan. [possibly abandoned, long] An AU stemming from Zuko’s capture at the North Pole. Well-written and characterized, an old favorite that I actually find needing to reread to give you more detail, but I can promise it’s good.

Year One by peroxidepest17. [oneshot, short] Lessons Zuko learns in his first year being Fire Lord. I really like explorations of Zuko’s journey as Fire Lord and this is a lovely little window into that.

Soft by PenPistola. [oneshot, short] Zuko and Toph bonding after the Ember Island Players. Short and sweet.

The New Phoenix King by JoeMerl. [oneshot, short] Fire Lord Zuko is overthrown, and no one but him is bothered at all. In fact they help. Hilarious crack.

First Name Basis by JoeMerl. [oneshot, short] There’s some popular posts going around Tumblr lately about Zuko not knowing the Gaang’s names, but this fic did it first back in 2008. As amusing as you’d expect.

Male Bonding by glamaphonic. [oneshot, short] The original ‘Zuko and Sokka bond and are also dumb idiot boys’ fic. Katara is permanently rolling her eyes.

it’s not the waking, it’s the rising by isamagicdragon, thegracious [ongoing, series, medium] Azulon tells Ozai to kill Azula instead of Zuko, which leads to heartwrenching fire sibs adventure. I haven’t caught up on the last chapter yet but god is it fantastic and also just a really interesting and new perspective on what could have happened.

Doe-Eyed by Anonymous. [complete, medium] Zuko is a baby, Azula is a loving big sister. More fire sibs and a great exploration on Azula’s POV of turning against Ozai.

kintsugi by discordiansamba. [ongoing, series, long] Zuko doesn’t have Iroh after being banished, and winds up hired as a guard to protect the frail Beifong daughter. Fantastic preseries Zuko+Toph found family fic.

Legacies by WildInkling. [ongoing, medium] Far in the future, a historian studies the journal of Fire Lord Zuko. Also, he was secretly a famous author but no one knows. A funny and poignant outsider POV.

#UndercoverZuko series by naggeluide. [complete, series, short] A completely cracky concept written straight enough to be actually quite touching in parts, but also just really funny. Zuko goes Undercover Boss on his ship pre-series.

Avatar Ficlets by JaggedCliffs. [series, oneshots, short] An ongoing series of disconnected oneshots, mostly post-canon and mostly Zuko-centric. Some a pretty fun, one is a great view on Zuko and lightningbending, all worth the read (and follow for when more come out).

The Blind Leading the Blue by BrusselsSprout. [ongoing, medium] An epic Zuko and Toph field trip set in S2. I love them and this.

half in the shadows, half burned in flames by r_astra. [oneshot, short] Iroh dies, Zuko gets caught on the Day of Black Sun, everything ends up all right but damn does it hurt getting there.

A Tale of Earth and Fire by chiiyo86. [complete, medium] Zuko and Toph are married for Politics in a FN Wins AU, and follows them slowly bonding as friends to beginning a revolution. They’re married but it’s not romantic, just some good friendship.

Eight Principles of Yong by psocoptera. [oneshot, short] An exploration of immediate post-show FN politics (sort of), calligraphy, and Zuko. Also has some lovely non-fighting firebending; I always love when people explore other uses of bending.

Healing Properties of Cinder Sage by Dawen. [oneshot, short] Zuko gets very sick in the Western Air Temple. Some good interaction when he’s new to the Gaang, and Toph+Zuko friendship.

We Ourselves Must Walk The Path by WinterSky101. [complete, medium] The Gaang agrees to make Zuko their prisoner in the WAT. Speaking of new-to-the-Gaang, tension, this fic has plenty of it, and also features some good Toph and Zuko.

Frozen by Aris Merquoni. [oneshot, medium] Zuko is captured in the NWT. Some politics, lots of angst, and eventually, healing. Also actually makes me somewhat like Hahn? Incredibly enough.

Reluctant Hero by PAW_07. [ongoing, long] Avatar!Zuko fic. I got to beta it way back when for a little while before I got too busy, and have always been a huge fan of this fic. Great concept, one of the best executions of it I’ve seen, and also one of the first. Definitely read this.

Morality Chain by Pureauthor. [abandoned, long] Azula and Zuko were always on each other’s side; how this changes canon. I love this concept and would happily read a lot more fics with it (please guys, I need more fire sibs).

A viper-lizard’s tales series by Yumi_Take. [ongoing, long] The world needs more of Zuko adopting pets and small children, and those are just facts. This only has one of the two, but it’s a EK baby! Jet plays a big role in this fic as well, a weird kind of uncle-ish to the baby/friend/murderer Zuko needs to watch closely and hold back kind of thing.

(life happens) wherever you are by howlikeagod. [ongoing, long] Katara doesn’t find Zuko and Iroh in the teashop, and canon takes a sharp left turn. Excellent Gaang fic.

The Best Path series by EudociaCovert. [series, ongoing, long] Zuko meets Jet in ‘Zuko Alone’ and winds up getting claimed as theirs by the remaining Freedom Fighters. Really really well-written, I got quite emotional over some scenes.

Shippy Zuko fic

Balm by Thyme In Her Eyes. [Maiko, oneshot, short] A sweet little fic about Mai’s thoughts on Zuko’s lightning scar.

The Black Games by Mrs. Pettyfer. [Zutara, complete, long] Hunger Games-esque AU. It’s the first in a series, and I lost interest after this one but I remember enjoying the fic and it was more personal preference rather than a drop in quality that had me leaving.

Lie To Me by Inkcharm. [Toko, oneshot, short] I’m not actually a fan of this pairing romatically (at least until years down the line), but this little fic of Toph and Zuko bonding through lying to one another is sweet. I choose to ignore the more shippy parts and enjoyed it.

Zutara? What the heck is that? by Ryxl. [Zutara, oneshot, short] Complete crack, have a good sense of humor and I think you will enjoy. Just the mental image of the Gaang finding a Zutara propaganda flyer had me chuckling.

The Three Chores series (1, 2, 3) by Fandomme. [Zutara, threeshot, short] Zuko and Katara slowly bond as he helps with chores. I will admit it’s been years and I barely remember this, but what I do recall is lovely and I always appreciate people lightening Katara’s load.

read the inscription by suzukiblu. [Zuko/Song, complete, series, medium] When Zuko is banished, he is left alone in the Earth Kingdom to fend for himself. Very touching, and I love Song in this.

Hooked by TGP. [Jetko, complete, long] A classic ‘Jet didn’t see Iroh warming his tea’ fic. They’re almost all this premise but so many well-written and very long ones. 

Something To Hold Onto by Wildgoosery. [Jetko, complete, long] The EK fell and Li stayed to fight with the Freedom Fighters to protect the city during its foreign rule. Jet didn’t see the tea fic that goes very AU from canon.

Foxfire by Rahar_Moonfire. [Jetko, ongoing, long] Zuko loses his memories Jetko fic, but with heavy spirit influence and lovable EK OCs, both of which I adore and should be in far more fics.

Once Upon A Teashop by anaer. [Zukka, Jetko, ongoing, long] Cracky Ba Sing Se AU that gets gradually more and more serious. Jet hits on Zuko a lot and Sokka gets a job in the teashop to keep an eye on both of them. Endgame Zukka but heavy Jetko, and both pairings are handled pretty well, not a love triangle that makes me too mad, although as always bear in mind Jet’s messed up. 

Names by TGP. [Jetko, complete, long] I feel like I’m forgetting some more excellent Amnesia!Zuko fics, but this is one I do know of. To be honest I don’t remember it super well because it may be mixed up with other Jetko/amnesia fics in my mind, but I think it was really good. I’ll have to reread myself.

Epistles by Lady_of_the_Flowers. [Zukka, ongoing, long] I love epistolary fic and I love Zuko and Sokka bonding earlier in canon. I will be honest I haven’t read this in a long time and been updating all the while, but the premise alone (Zuko and Sokka become messenger-hawk-pals in S1 and then fall in love) is fantastic. 

Ozymandias, King of Kings by Think_of_a_Wonderful_Thought. [Zukka, ongoing, long] Zuko rebels earlier and actually is sent to the mines, until he is ‘rescued’ by the Water Tribe. Dark but getting lighter over time, and more reluctant-to-rule Zuko which always wrenches my heartstrings. I prefer super loyal and dutiful to his people Zuko but this trope always makes me feel things.

Crossovers

Fallen Drops of Fire by Chasmfiend. [Fullmetal Alchemist, ongoing] Young Azula and Zuko somehow appear in Amestris, and encounter Roy Mustang. I adore the fire sibs, and their relationship in this strange situation is the star of this fic for me, but it’s also fun seeing the FMA perspective of these two.

The Dragon-King’s Temple by Kryal. [Stargate SG-1, long, complete] The best crossover fic out there. Zuko and Toph get stranded on the other side of a Stargate. I don’t know anything about SG-1 but it didn’t matter, the fic was fantastic, they were badasses, it explored language and culture from an outside perspective, and it was just a ton of fun. Must-read.

Other character fic

Loyalty by Julia451. [oneshot, short] The ship captain didn’t misspeak when he called Iroh and Zuko “prisoners” in the start of S2. A lovely look at a nameless character, giving depth to a small moment and humanity to a FN soldier which I always love.

The Only One by HarlowR. [oneshot, short] An excellent exploration of Azula’s mindset regarding Zuko, her desperate need to be loved and jealousy of him matching his own. I think Azula was one of the greatest tragedies of the show, and this fic makes me feel it.

Blood by theAsh0. [oneshot, short] Katara-centric thinkpiece on bloodbending and healing. Dark but really interesting.

Touch and Go by Cadence. [oneshot, short] After Iroh’s struck by lightning, Toph doesn’t let Zuko drive them all away. A momentary alliance and the seeds of friendship. More Toph-focused but still heavy on the whole Gaang.

Shortcomings by Menamebephil. [oneshot, short] Iroh thoughts during his imprisonment, on the theme of mistakes. I love this man and don’t understand why I am so drawn to fic about him that makes me sad.

Watch And Review, Please by Becca Stareyes. [oneshot, short] The Ember Island Players receive some constructive criticism... sort of. Funny and quick.

Azula Redemption Trilogy (1, 2, 3) by Mistress of Sarcasm. [threeshot, short] Second person and deeply introspective, three short little fics delving into Azula’s head and bringing her closer to redemption.

Echoing Refrains by catie_writes_things. [oneshot, short] I really like nuanced explorations of the whole FN royal family. It’s perfectly fine to write Ozai as pure evil bastard, but exploring  what might have been or how he got there, or even as in this fic his talent for music being inherited by Zuko is really interesting too. Iroh-centric.

our curse by ohmygodwhy, and the last dragon by thesometimeswarrior. [twoshot, complete, short] Stay away if you don’t like to cry. In the first Zuko learns Ozai is executing Iroh, and isn’t able to stop it; the second is even worse because it’s Iroh’s POV. I put this in the other characters section because honestly I adore the second fic even more than the first, but they are both fantastically written and will hurt you a very great deal.

Finally, I’m not quite bold enough to put my own fic on a reclist, but just shameless enough to mention I’ve written a few Avatar fics I quite like if anyone feels the desire to check them out on my AO3. ;) But seriously give love to all the rest of these, they deserve it. (And as I said, there’s lots more excellent stuff, this fandom is so prolific and well-written!)

[spaceskam]

For Title Tuesday, can I request 2 for Malex? Thank you!

!!!! <3

title tuesday instructions

tags/warnings: the lost decade, angst, negative references to Michael’s Behavior in s2 but no explicit details of things that happened, happy ending

2. the bad years [ao3]

Michael tapped his foot on the ground loudly.

“Stop,” Alex snapped, his hand going to his knee and squeezing. The pressure helped. He started wondering if he could ask Alex to lay on him, but that was probably a bad idea considering they were in the middle of an airport.

Instead, he layered his hand on top of Alex’s and squeezed.

“I don’t have any money or a credit score, but I’ll find a way to take out a loan just to pay you to stay,” Michael told him. However, when Alex looked at him, he had a hurt look in his eye and his eyebrows were drawn together like Michael had just insulted him. “I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to go. But I’m sorry.”

“It’s not like I want to leave,” Alex said, “I have to. You know I have to.”

“Yeah,” Michael breathed, squeezing his hand and sighing softly, “When are you coming back?”

“I don’t know yet, probably around a year.”

“That’s such bullshit.”

“Yeah.”

Michael stayed there, squeezing his hand until his got cramps. Alex never complained. They waited until Alex had to go to his flight because it was about to board. They stood and Alex hugged him tight, but didn’t give him a kiss. Not here, not in public. And then he was gone.

Michael sat in the airport for another hour, trying to remember how his legs worked.

-

“Are you mad at me?”

“Michael,” Alex said softly, reaching out to touch his cheek. Michael stayed on his knees between Alex’s spread legs, hands gripping his ankles as his mind flooded with thoughts he didn’t want. Such bad timing too. He was always, always, always hit at the worst times. 

“I know, like, objectively you’re not mad at me, but also…”

“Hey,” Alex said, leaning forward until all Michael could see was his face. It was a nice view. “Let’s promise that if we’re ever mad at each other or if there’s anything wrong, we’ll say it. That way there’s no question, how’s that sound?”

“So you do get mad at me sometimes?” Michael clarified. Alex huffed a laugh and bumped his nose against Michael’s softly.

“Everyone gets mad at everyone if they spend enough time together. And I want to spend so much time with you that the bad times pale in comparison, okay?” Alex said. Michael stared at him, trying to breath and stay calm to the best of his ability. It was hard.

“We’re still in the bad times. You’re still going to be shipped off to fuck knows where and I’m still here,” Michael said. Alex slid off the bed and right into Michael’s lap on the floor. He grabbed Michael’s head in his hands and stared at him.

The airstream was too small for this but Michael didn’t want to leave.

“I’m here right now. Three more years and I’ll be here for good.”

Michael swallowed his complaints and nodded, putting his head in the crook of Alex’s neck.

-

“Damn. It’s dusty.”

“Here’s a broom.”

“Oh, so you brought me here to be your maid, I see,” Michael scoffed, accepting the broom anyway, “If I had a head’s up, maybe I would’ve dressed the part.”

“Shut up and sweep,” Alex said, trying his best to smile and failing. Michael accepted it for the joke it was anyway and started sweeping. “God, I can’t believe he left the cabin to me. I wasn’t even his kid.”

“I’m sure he left Kyle somethin’ good. Or maybe not. That’d be funny,” Michael said. Alex rolled his eyes and slowly walked around the couch. Michael didn’t argue when he wrapped his arms around him from behind and effectively made it impossible to sweep. He layered his hand over Alex’s. “He loved you, Alex. That’s what mattered.”

“Yeah, but… A whole cabin?”

“You really find it that hard to believe?” Michael asked. Alex didn’t answer which was enough of an answer in itself. “Now you have somewhere to go that isn’t my airstream.”

“What if I want to just go to your airstream?”

“I’m not gonna kick you out.”

“Good.”

After a little persuasion, Alex took a much needed nap and Michael got to cleaning.

-

“Okay, don’t freak out.”

“Don’t freak out?! You’re calling me and telling me that Alex‒ That he‒”

“He is alive and breathing and that’s all that matters,” Greg said methodically. Michael recognized the tone of voice. The one that Alex did when it was the only thing holding him together. Out of respect for the second most decent member of the Manes family tree, Michael didn’t call him out on it.

“And he’s gonna be okay? Like… after.”

“The surgery went well and he should be able to get a prosthetic leg. There’s always a chance that it’ll hurt him too much or that his nerves will be too sensitive for it or whatever, but, for right now, that’s the route we’re going,” Greg explained.

“But, like, mentally, I mean. Is he gonna be okay?” Michael said. His hand was gripping his leg so tight that when he finally moved it, he had little crescents that his fingernails had left. They looked deep enough to bruise. 

“He’ll be in therapy, but I don’t know past that. Everyone’s different,” Greg said, “But Alex is strong.”

Michael swallowed and took a deep breath. “Yeah. He is. Fuck, I wish I could be there.”

“It’s okay. I’ll let him know you called and tell him that you love him.”

“I didn’t say that,” Michael argued weakly. He hadn’t even said those words to Alex’s face, how fucked would it be if his brother told him that first?

“Okay, fine, I’ll tell him it seemed like you love him. And I’ll text you the address to the nearest florist so you can buy him flowers,” Greg said.

“You’re such a dick.”

“And I’ll send you how to request them in German.”

“Fuck you,” Michael said, sniffling and trying to rub the indents out of his leg, “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

-

“I know you loved me. At one point, I know you did.”

Michael felt sick, but he stayed still as Alex kept his eyes on his computer. It was intentional and Michael could tell.

“I still love you.”

“But you did stop.”

“No! No, I didn’t.”

“Then why haven’t you apologized to me?” Alex asked, voice monotone in the same way it was when he was keeping it together. He started typing in code effortlessly as if this conversation didn’t phase him. Thankfully, Michael was fully aware that it did phase him or he probably would’ve lost it. “Every time you’ve apologized to me in my life was over things that didn’t require an apology. Now I want one because you hurt me‒intentionally, as far as I can tell‒and you won’t even say sorry.”

“I am sorry. I was just confused and overwhelmed and I thought it would be better if I‒” 

“I did buy that at one point, but I’m not so sure anymore,” Alex said, sighing and tilting his head to one shoulder and then the other to stretch his neck, “Because you repeatedly showed interest in me when it was convenient for you and then went right back to your girlfriend. That wasn’t fair. I don’t believe that you didn’t know what you were doing.”

“I’m sorry, Alex. I fucked up and I know sorry doesn’t fix it, but I want to be with you and I want to make up for it,” Michael said, trying his best to copy him and keep his composure.

He was never as good at it as Alex was.

“Prove it to me then. Show me.”

And that was a challenge Michael was ready to take on.

-

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Wow, you need to expand your vocabulary.”

“You need to get your cold foot out of my pants,” Michael groaned, trying to wiggle away and failing. Alex just snickered to himself like it was the funniest thing.

“My foot is cold and you’re so warm,” Alex said.

“Yeah, but down my pants?” Michael asked.

“Your thighs are, like, the warmest part of you. Trust me, I’ve spent a lot of time there,” Alex laughed, scooting towards him. His hand snaked around and pressed against Michael’s abdomen which just made him hiss again.

“Why are you so cold everywhere?!”

“Because it’s cold outside and you’re a blanket hog,” Alex answered easily, his mouth pressing to the back of his neck. That, at least, was warm. “Warm me up.”

Michael laid there for a few seconds, trying to wake up enough to do just that. He focused on the feeling of his lips on his neck and then turned around, yanking him in all the way. Surprised laughter rang out of Alex’s body and through the air and Michael kissed him harder.

This. This was worth everything.

[tl-notes]

Kobayashi’s Maid Dragon S2 Episode 11 Notes

This is ラジオ体操 radio taisou, lit. radio exercise(s). Basically it’s a short series of light stretches intended for general health. It used to be broadcast over the radio (and I guess still is), but is also on TV and internet these days too.

It’s generally popular as a morning thing to kind of get the blood flowing—some companies (apparently around 1/3rd) even have a few minutes in the morning set aside to have everyone do it. Some neighborhoods will hold outdoor public gatherings during summer break, as a morning routine thing for children while school is out. It’s also a kinda stereotypical old-person thing to do.

There are two “sets,” known as radio taisou dai ichi, and radio taisou dai ni (basically “the first” and “the second”), and each has a standing version and sit-down version for improved accessibility.

“Pound (shoulders)” here is 肩たたき kata-tataki, a type of shoulder massage that involves lightly bopping the recipient’s shoulders with the bottom of your fists. It’s a stereotypical thing for kids to do for parents/grandparents (remember the shoulder massage tickets Kanna gave Kobayashi for Father’s Day in ep 8? same thing).

I honestly have no idea how effective it is.

小林さんは安く済ませようとして、色々物を買ってしまうタイプなんでしょうか？

For clarity here, the idea is less that Kobayashi tries to buy lots of stuff for cheap, but that she wants to solve whatever problem on the cheap, and ends up wasting a bunch of money on several cheapo purchases that don’t really help.

Another angle on it might be like:

“Could she be the type who tries fixing a problem cheaply, but ends up paying more for less?”

Just a bit of trivia, but in the manga Elma answers this question about computer chairs by saying “Yes, a good one costs as much as 1,000 cream buns.” 

That’s our Elma.

Takiya’s word for “logic” here is 理屈 rikutsu. Rikutsu does mean “logic,” but it has another use too: referring to something that relies excessively on “theory” vs. practical application/real experience, or a kind of “forced” logic. 

Basically here he’s saying this out of modesty, not like “the solution was only logical.” 

This “concerning” is 危うい ayaui, an adjective describing something that’s in a perilous situation, kind of like something you’d say “balanced on a razor’s edge” of. It’s typically for less immediately physical types of danger (which would use 危ない abunai instead).

In this case, while it’s true such situations are typically “concerning,” he’s not saying this because he’s concerned per se; he’s saying that situations like Tohru’s, where emotions run high (e.g. romantic relationships), are often fragile because of that strength of emotion.

For “a little hard,” Tohru says グサッと gusa-tto. (“Sharp” was 鋭い surudoi, which is basically one-for-one.)

Gusa-tto is one of those sound effect words mentioned in previous notes, used to describe a heavy stab or pierce (literally or figuratively). (If you’ve seen that anime/manga visual gag where someone says something and the words/speech bubble “stab” the other person, that’s a more light-hearted use of this.)

I mostly bring it up here because the “he’s sharp”→”what he said cut deep” was a good pairing of evocative phrasing that we didn’t really get in the English.

この程度でいいですか？　kono teido de ii desu ka? この程度でいいよ。　　　kono teido de ii yo.

Kobayashi’s answer here is repetition of the question, but changing the “question” marker for a declarative one. Like “Is this enough?” “This is enough.”

I bring it up here for two reasons. One is just because I mentioned the whole repetition thing in a previous episode’s notes, so as an example to help drive that home.

The other is that I have a bit of an issue with the choice of the word “perfect.” Kobayashi is generally a lowkey person (with some exceptions), prone more to understatement than overstatement, so a relatively strong word like perfect is a little out of character for this scene, I would say—especially given the Japanese.

The use of the particle で de in these two lines is also worth noting. In this context (where you’re talking about whether something is what you want), de ii and ga ii have two distinct meanings. With de, it’s “good enough.” With ga, it’s not just enough, it’s actively what you want. If you’ve seen romance shows where one person has low self-esteem, you’ve likely heard a question like “boku de ii?” answered with ”kimi ga ii.”

If there’d been some sort of twist to the phrasing like that, “perfect” might have been a good choice, but as it is I’d have probably stuck with something like “Yeah, this is plenty.” (if maintaining that sentence structure anyway)

そういうもんですか？ そういうもんだよ。 分かりました。そうします。

Just one quick note for clarity on this exchange; the “that/this” they’re talking about is the “what Kobayashi wants” topic, not specifically this tail-chair thing or how fast the tail-vibrations are etc. You likely got that anyway, but I figured I’d mention just in case, since the Japanese wording felt more obvious about it.

Notably here Daddy Tohru says 知り合い shiriai, which is very explicitly a level or two removed from “friend.” (it’s often translated as “acquaintance”)

They might actually be friends and he just phrases it that way because tsundere, but either way I don’t know if I’d use “friends” here.

If you’ll recall from the Elma episode, “clairvoyance” there was 千里眼 senrigan. This is actually not that, but instead 未来視 mirai-shi, which is more or less literally “future sight.” It probably won’t really come up again(?), but just as a world-building thing I guess, know that this guy and Elma don’t actually have exactly the same power (at least in this instance).

The word for “lost control” here is 暴走した bousou shita, which does basically mean that.

I would, however, like to point out that he’s not necessarily saying Tohru lost control of herself. Bousou means that [whatever] is running wild, but that ranges from a runaway train, to someone going berserk, to someone acting rashly without consulting others.

My point in bringing it up is that “lost control” sounds like Tohru had little/no agency in the decision to storm the enemy’s home ground, which is not really the case and not necessarily implied in the Japanese.

When Kobayashi responds here, she says she, Kobayashi, will be the one getting looked after by Tohru, not the other way around. She flips it 180 degrees from how Dad here says it.

(Since, y’know, Tohru’s the maid and everything.)

Example alt text:

“Make sure you take good care of Tohru until your lifespan runs out.”

“Yessir, I’ll have her take good care of me.”

It’s supposed to give this very heavy and serious scene a bit of levity to end on.

(For the Japanese students: she says [面倒を]見てもらいます, meaning that Kobayashi is having Tohru do the “looking [after].” If she was the one doing the looking after, it would be something like 見させてもらいます instead.

When you stick もらう or いただく after a verb, it’s you having someone else do that verb, not you doing it, so to make it work for “you” being the verb-doer, you have to flip the verb to a passive form. It’s kind of like the difference between “please [verb]” and “please allow me to [verb]”.)

どうしてトールがうちに来てくれる気になったのか

Two small things about this line. First: the “came here” is うちにきてくれる uchi ni kite kureru. The two words I want to mention are uchi, which is like “my/our place” (like “wanna come to my place?”), and kureru, which is used as a helping verb to denote that a verb was done for someone else.

So basically the Japanese adds two extra layers of… emotion(?) to the “came here.” That is, “here” is specified as Kobayashi’s home (vs “here” being more vague and could just mean “this world”), and the “came” is conjugated in a way that expresses Kobayashi sees Tohru’s .

The second, more minor, is that it seems like the English took the 気になった ki ni natta and changed it from talking about Tohru to talking about Kobayashi.

Ki ni naru can mean to take an interest in something (“I’m curious”), or when attached to a verb, can mean “got the will/motivation to do [verb].” In this sentence, it’s attached to the verb phrase uchi ni kite kureru, so meaning more like “why you chose to come here.”

(That said you could easily leave the “curious to hear” part there in the English too though, since that still makes sense for her asking a question like this.)

(Basically the English reads like a translation of どうしてトールがここに来たのか気になった instead of the line in question.)

So like as an example alt:

“I’m curious what moved you to come live with me.”

Which still doesn’t fully grasp that kureru, since that’s a hard thing to just “slip in” in English, but does hit a few other relevant notes and should still be okay length-wise (cursed subtitle restrictions!).

The phrase for “[move] to the big city” here is 上京 joukyou. It combines the characters for “up” and “capital” (of a state/country) and is used as a verb for moving to the capital—these days, specifically Tokyo.

(It used to mean moving to Kyoto, and I’m told it annoys some old-school Kyoto-ites if you use it to say moving from Kyoto to Tokyo, lol.)

[slimy-vore-bog]

Consuming Curiosity

Disclaimer: all my work is non-sexual N/SF/W interaction is not appreciated

Hi, this was the story I was talking about... It’s kinda boring, but it’s probably the last thing I’m going to be posting for a long time.

Um... This AU is a little weird to explain. At least, how I came up with it. It’s basically a pokémon AU with size-shifters and safe vore. I have a few posts about it, so if you want to read some about they are there. You don’t necessarily have to, but it can help.

Though, a couple thing to note outside of that is:

The confession in this story was written before s2 ep5

Luz has a flashlight, despite flash being a thing. So let’s just say that’s what the light around trainers are in caves.

The title is supposed to be silly, not serious.

I’m going to say a few more things under read more, just to avoid spoilers (for season 1) but here’s a summary:

Amity tells Luz she's a size-shifter, before asking to eat her, but Luz isn't too comfortable with the idea when it’s brought up.

Ao3 (sorry, you’re going to have to copy paste this, unless you check out my reblog to main) https://archiveofourown.org/works/32602456

Spoiler warning: I do talk briefly about s2 ep 5 on Ao3

Word Count: 7.4 k

It’s not a big spoiler, but in this AU Amity has never threatened Luz’s life, because she has never snuck into the school pretending to be an abomination. The duel also wouldn’t put Luz herself in harms way as much.

Also I use the word “fearmongering”, but I’m not sure it’s the right word, so feel free to correct me.

That was kinda the last thing I wanted to note... So onto the story.

***

Luz looked around, as her and Amity walked along the small forest path. A thought suddenly hit her. “You know, it’s really quiet out here! I thought there would be more people and pokémon training!”

Amity looked over at her unsurely. “Yeah, uh, that was why I took you here.” She glanced away. “For the quiet, I mean… And we’re not there yet, but I have something I want to talk about with you.” She locked eyes with Luz for a few seconds, but she couldn’t keep the eye contact. “I don’t want anybody else to overhear it.” She turned her head from side to side, before she walked off the path.

Luz’s curiosity was instantly piqued. A secret? More about Amity’s past? She jogged up to Amity, unsure where to start with her questions, or if she should keep them to herself a while. Amity did say we weren’t actually there yet. She pushed her questions down for the moment, but her curiosity about the girl was still strongly on her mind.

¨¨

Amity led Luz to a large clearing, before glancing over at her. “I think this place is quiet enough.” She said it more to herself than Luz. “I’m sorry it might take a while before I’m ready to talk about this.” She took her bag off her shoulders, placing her poké balls it, before slowly walked out into the clearing.

Luz looked out at the different sorts of plant life. There were a few trees starting to spread out into the open space, but they were still just saplings and small enough for any herbivorous pokémon to eat them and others to accidentally trample them. A few giant thistles were starting to bloom here and there, and a few bushes had snuck in too.

She stepped out into the clearings too, the grass nearly went up to her knees; she noticed how oddly beautiful the place was. There was something wild about it, it wasn’t a flower meadow or anything, but it still had a strong natural beauty. The thistles were blossoming pretty purple flowers and the sky was clear today, shining on everything in the gorgeous way. Luz looked over at Amity, as a thought popped into her mind. This would be the perfect place for a love confession.

Luz shook her head. Why would I want a love confession from Amity? She felt her heart sped up a little as she looked over at her friend. Why would Amity even give me one? We’re just friends. But the ‘what if?’ made her heart beat way faster than it should.

Amity looked over at Luz, when they were only a few feet apart. She took a deep breath, before she let out a strained sigh. “I’m…” she hesitated again, before she decided to spit it out. “I’m a size-shifter.”

Luz’s eyes widened in surprise, for a second feeling lured into a trap, before she shook her head. “You are?!” She took a step back, instantly feeling the fear creep back into her. “You’re dangerous?” she didn’t manage to cut herself off before she saw the pain on Amity’s face. It’s still Amity, why am I acting like this? “Don’t size-shifters eat people?”

Amity already looked like she was about to cry. “No!” she shouted at Luz. “Luz, why would you think I would kill someone?” She looked away from Luz.

Luz’s eyes widened once again. “I’m sorry! But I don’t really understand.” She thought back to all she had been taught about size-shifters. They are dangerous, they will eat you and don’t trust them. Luz had a realization she should have had a long time ago. It’s not actually true. It’s fearmongering! Luz’s brow furrowed. It feels like a strange thing to lie about. “Can you explain?”

Amity looked tired. “I guess I have to… You’re not going to get the right answer from anybody else.” She took another deep breath. “I know everybody always talks about how we are all murderous cannibals, but it’s not true.” Amity held her breath for a moment, looking unsure. “And I know there’s sometimes footage of it and ‘the rescues’, but-”

Luz cut her off. “Wait, the footage isn’t fake?” That had been her first thought after thinking it was fearmongering. She hadn’t ever wanted to believe the footage was real, but the way Amity said it and hesitated to say it made her think it was real. “So-” Luz was about to take a step back, before she shook her head. “But… Wait.” Luz couldn’t wrap her head around it. “How can the rescues be faked? And how do the people stay alive?”

Amity paused. “I don’t know exactly how the biology behind size-shifters work, but we can swallow people alive safely.” Amity had to think about her second question. “They aren’t exactly ‘faked’, but they aren’t what they seem.” Amity’s face suddenly fell into a sad grimace. “Haven’t you noticed that the size-shifters never hesitate to spit the people back up? If I was an attempted murderer; I wouldn’t just spit people up because I was asked to.” She shook her head. “My point is that size-shifters aren’t worse than anybody else.”

Luz had another question on her mind. “But… Why would they want to eat people, if it gets them in trouble?” It wasn’t like she had a problem with breaking unfair rules; she lived with a criminal who was broke laws, pretty fair and unfair. “What do they gain from it?” It wasn’t even a meal, since they wouldn’t be trying to kill the person.

Amity avoided Luz’s gaze. “Uh… I have heard it feels comforting, in a way.” She glanced over at Luz for a second. “But I have never really… I’ve never tried it, so I don’t know if it’s worth getting in trouble over.” Amity quickly changed the topic away from eating people. “But I really want to try holding you in my hands…” She looked expectantly at Luz. “Can I do that?”

Luz smiled, already feeling a lot more at ease. “Sure!”

Amity’s shoulders untensed, before she grew to a size where Luz was barely the size of her index finger. She carefully sat down and lowered her hand to the ground.

Luz looked at it for a couple seconds, intimidated by Amity’s new size, before she climbed up on her hand with an exaggerated huff. She could feel as Amity raised her up and closer to her.

Amity sat like that for a while, as they didn’t say anything to each other. She gently brushed Luz’s back with her finger, making Luz flinch in surprise. “Sorry,” apologized Amity, as she quickly pulled her finger away. “You’re just so…” she tried to come up with a good word that wasn’t ‘cute’, “small.” She gently grabbed Luz’s hand in her fingers, letting it rest on top her finger; it couldn’t even reach across the slimmest part of it. “It feels strange to hold you.”

Luz kept looking into her giant eyes. “It’s really strange to be held too.” She looked down at the ground. “You’re really big when you’re a giant…” Amity felt a little too big to be real in her mind. “I mean, obviously, but you’re so big, it doesn’t really feel possible.” She talked absentmindedly, as she leaned onto Amity’s finger, which twitched under her touch. “I’m not even the size of this finger.” Luz tried to wrestle it downwards, but it barely budged. “I’m not even as strong as your finger!”

Amity raised an eyebrow. “Did you expect to be?”

Luz shook her head. “Not really, but it’s still weird.” She leaned down on her finger again, but this time she just felt like lying down. “Man, today has already been a day, huh?” She chuckled. “My brain feels just as mushy as when I first got here…” She took a moment to take it all in, narrating some of her thoughts out loud. “You’re a size-shifters. Size-shifters eat people, but not really, so people fear and hate you guys for no reason…” Her brow furrowed. “I got scared of you too. I’m sorry.” She had a better idea of how much it must have hurt Amity to hear her freak out and call her dangerous after the whole explanation.

Amity ignored the last part of it. “Yeah, today has already been a lot.” Or maybe she didn’t… It was part of her day that she thought she was about to lose Luz as a friend from how she had reacted. She moved her finger away from Luz lowering her down to rest her arms in her lap. She sighed. “I don’t think it was all on you… Maybe I should have explained everything and if you caught on it wouldn’t be as bad.”

Luz felt even worse for her. “No, it’s not at all your fault; I didn’t wait to hear you out.” She looked up at Amity. “I should have trusted that you would never hurt me.” It was even strange, because she would have completely trusted Amity with her life just before she told Luz her secret. Why was my first thought she was tricking me? “I trust you so much and I promise that we are still friends!”

Amity gave her a small smile, and Luz was happy that her reassurance worked. “Thanks.”

It was silent between them after that.

Amity carefully stroked Luz’s hair in the silence, and Luz found it calming. She liked knowing that there was nothing wrong between them and neither of them hated each other over what had just happened. But it was strange with the sudden affection from Amity’s side. She usually veered away from physical contact with Luz. Maybe she just doesn’t like it when others touch her? Luz felt a bit conflicted. I hope it isn’t for a bad reason.

Amity shifted her fingers to brush Luz’s back instead, but her head was filled with other thoughts. It had been bugging her from when she picked Luz up in her hands, but it was even worse after Luz had told her that she trusted her. She couldn’t stop thinking about swallowing Luz alive. Her brain kept shouting at her that Luz needed to get somewhere safe, despite the lack of danger. I guess I know why others do it despite the risk now. She stared down at Luz, wishing she could just shove her into her mouth without scaring her. Should I bring the idea up? She decided not to.

Luz relaxed, as Amity stroked her back, but she did seem to be a little distracted. She decided not to ask about it. It wasn’t like she always paid attention when she was with people. She could get a little lost in her daydreams about her favorite shows and books from time to time. But what type of thoughts would Amity get lost in? Luz straightened her back, immediately changing her mind about not asking. “What are you thinking about?”

Amity hesitated. “I’m trying to figure something out…” She shifted her hands a bit, before she stroked Luz again. She looked like she wanted to say something more, but changed her mind about what. “It’s annoying.” That was what she left it at.

Luz tilted her head. “What are you trying to figure out? Oh! Maybe I can help?”

Amity laughed. “You could, but that is also the problem… It could solve it too.”

“That sounds like some weird cryptic riddle… Sooo what do you mean by that?” Luz watched her, while she thought about what to say next.

Amity tried to pick her words carefully. I think I should ease her more into it… maybe it won’t startle her as bad? “It’s just that… Hmm, no…” Saying it like that would be more ominous. Imagine hearing that… She shook her head. ‘I think have figured out why other size-shifters want to risk swallowing people whole’. Even thinking it to herself made her shiver. “I’m thinking about how it feels to swallow a person whole.” Amity watched Luz’s face for a reaction, but she didn’t see any fear yet, though she did make a face. “It has to feel good, right?” She tried to avoid the fact that she knew that was not the reason others did it, until she saw Luz’s reaction.

Luz felt a bit weirded out by her, but she decided it was better not to judge her too harshly. Maybe it’s some weird feeling she gets when she’s giant. “So… you were trying to ask if you can swallow me whole?”

Amity’s fingers twitched a little closer around Luz, before she nodded. “And, actually… I think I have figured out why-” she stopped herself abruptly. “I mean, not in a scary dangerous way, but I think I have figured out why other size-shifters risk so much to do this.” She paused again, as she watched Luz intently, making Luz squirm. “I don’t know why, but holding you like this makes me feel like I need to keep you safe from everything and never let anyone or anything get to you. And the same feeling is screaming at me to eat you.”

Amity was being a little overdramatic, but so were her thoughts. Or at least the feelings it gave her. It pressed heavily in on her mind, as she stared down at the relatively tiny girl in her hands. She tried to calm the thoughts, in case Luz said no, by reminding herself that if anybody or thing did try to hurt, she could still protect her normally. It obviously didn’t help, but that was also maybe part of the fact that she, even without the strange feelings, wanted to try swallowing Luz whole.

Luz smiled uncomfortably, glancing down towards the ground. It wasn’t as much a lack of trust, as it was an ‘I don’t want to be swallowed alive’. “Well, uh,” she laughed anxiously, “I mean… it’s nice that you want to protect me, but-” she wondered how to say it. “I think you should just put me down and we can go back.”

Luz could see Amity’s mood drop, before she replied. “I guess that would solve it too…” She placed Luz down on the ground, going back to her regular height, holding a hand to her forehead. “Okay, now I’m confused.” She stared at Luz with a weirded out look on her face.

Luz could guess what the problem was. “Maybe it takes a while for the feelings to disappear?” she guessed, hoping she was right. Or I would just have to deal with being swallowed alive. She shivered, trying not to feel too disgusted with the idea. “Wait, what if the feeling stays forever? Even after you’ve eaten me and let me back out?”

Amity’s eyes widened. I would not be able to handle that! Was what Luz said actually possible? It sounded like it. What if I eat Luz and never let her out? She wanted to get away from her ‘protective’ thoughts immediately. Her mind filled up with horrible images and scenarios. Both of them dying of hunger from neither being able to eat. Or her eating something and getting her stomach to work again. Her thoughts started spiraling into more horrible scenarios.

Luz noticed Amity’s distress, but she had no idea how to help. “It probably won’t! Uh…” Luz looked around, trying to find something to talk about that could distract Amity. “Sunny!” Luz grabbed one of her poké balls from her belt, sending the pokémon out. “Look at Sunny, hasn’t she gotten stronger?” Her shiny Luxio’s fur sparkled in the light, as Sunny looked up at Luz, before rubbing her head against her. “Can you go over to Amity?”

She listened, turning around to see Amity still looking alarmed. Sunny looked surprised, before she used her head to guide Amity’s hand to pet her.

Amity looked down at Luz’s pokémon, letting her shoulders untense a little. The thoughts were calming down a lot faster than she thought they would, both the eating ones and the anxious ones. She felt the thoughts about swallowing Luz slowly disappear. There were still memories of the thoughts when she looked at Luz, but nothing like what she had just felt. It was more like having said something completely seriously in a dream and then waking up to it being completely ridiculous. Amity smiled. “Thanks…”

“No problem!” Luz was happy everything had resolved itself so fast. She wouldn’t really know how else to fix this. “Sorry for bringing… that… up.” She hadn’t expected Amity to react like that at all, but now she could see how it would be worrying. “I promise I wasn’t trying to scare you.”

Amity petted Sunny for a bit. “It’s okay now.” A conflicted expression fell on her face. “I just felt like it was what was going to happen.” She sighed. “But luckily it wasn’t.”

It was strange… It was supposed to be a comforting feeling after she had swallowed Luz, so why did the thought of doing that so easily panic her? But then again… She wasn’t giant anymore, and she had just feared having thoughts about swallowing Luz for the rest of her life… And then thought about her death.

Luz looked at Sunny, as her pokémon walked back to her. It was good that Luz’s pokémon didn’t hold a grudge. It was good that Luz didn’t either, or she and Amity could never have been friends. She smiled at Amity as a strange feeling made her heart sped up again, like it had when she had thought about how oddly perfect for romance the place seemed.

Amity smiled back, before she spoke. “Well, we should probably be heading back.”

Luz looked at Amity unsurely. “So, you don’t want to try eating me?”

Amity looked a bit uncomfortable. “I’m not sure… Why are you asking? I thought you didn’t want me to do that?”

Luz returned her pokémon to her poké ball. “I did, but… I mean, how can I not be a little curious?” It seemed scary at first, but there was something about it that intrigued her. Even if she had to dig to find it. “It’s crazy that it’s actually possible to be eaten safely!” A thought suddenly hit Luz. “But, if you haven’t eaten anybody before, how do you know it’s safe? It’s not very obvious when seeing the footage of it.”

Amity shrugged. “It’s usually a thing only size-shifters know about. I don’t think other people would be so open to hear us out.”

“I guess that makes sense…” Luz hesitated. “But do you want to try it?” She felt a little hesitant herself, but maybe she could at least try it, just to see what it would feel like. Maybe it could be interesting?

Amity gave it another second of thought. If Luz wants me to, I guess she doesn’t think it’s that bad? And Amity had no reason to be scared. She wasn’t going to live with the urge to eat her forever, it would disappear after a few minutes. She made her decision. “Yes.”

Without any warning, Luz closed the distance between them with a hug.

Amity froze in Luz’s embrace. “Why are you hugging me?” It didn’t make any sense; Luz was doing something for her, so why did she also get a hug? At the same time, the closeness threw Amity’s heart into high-gear.

Luz felt Amity freeze in her arms, as she squeezed her tightly. She let go of her, seeing how red her face had gotten, before she replied. “I felt like you needed it.” Luz stared at Amity’s face, unsure of how to process her blushing. “And I wanted to hug you.” She took a step back from her. What do I do about her blushing? It wasn’t really hitting her what it meant, but she knew it would in a moment, because it was right there in her head. How should I react?

Luz is staring at me. Amity felt a rush of anxiety. She has figured it out. “Uh, well, I was supposed to grow, so I’ll just do that now.” She backed away from Luz, growing back to her biggest height again.

Luz stared up at Amity, as the words her mind was searching for fell into place. Amity has a crush on me. Luz couldn’t figure out what to do about it. Was she supposed to tell Amity that she knew or keep quiet about until she decided to confess? Would that make it more awkward? She played the scenario out in her mind. If I told somebody I had a crush on them and they- her thoughts were abruptly cut short as she was pulled up into the air. She shouted in surprise. “Amity!”

Amity gave Luz a fake smile. “Sorry, I’m just really impatient right now.” She was hoping Luz hadn’t guessed anything at all and that she could distract her. What exactly do I do, if she has guessed it? Wasn’t she supposed to let Luz know that she liked her as more than a friend? It doesn’t feel right yet…

Amity shifted her hands, so Luz could sit in them. “At least ask if you can pick me up.” She took a second to figure out what she had been thinking about, before she fell back into her thoughts. If somebody knew I had a crush on them, would I like them to tell me they knew or not? She tried to figure it out, but she didn’t know how Amity felt about it. “What would you do if you knew somebody had a crush on you?” Maybe that was enough to let Amity know that she knew.

Amity felt her pulse quicken even more. “Tell them.” She wasn’t sure she would have answered that, if it wasn’t glaringly obvious Luz had figured it out, but she needed to hear it from Luz’s mouth.

Luz could sense how uncomfortable Amity was. She already knew that I figured it out… That’s why she’s acting so much weirder. “Uh… well… I think-” she corrected herself, “-I know you have a crush on me.” Luz felt her heart pound quicker in her chest. “And… I think I might have feelings for you too?” Luz looked away from Amity. “You know… The first thing I thought of when we got here was that this place would be perfect for a love confession.”

Amity stared down at Luz, wide-eyed, before she blinked. She looked around the clearing, before she laughed. “It kind of is.”

Both of them stayed quiet for a few seconds.

Amity felt the feelings of wanting to eat Luz slip back in through her worry about her not returning her feelings. “So we both like each other…” she stated to herself, feeling unsure. Everything about this whole day seemed fake. First, she had actually told Luz she was a size-shifter, Luz had agreed to let herself get eaten and now… Now Luz had told her she had feelings for her. “Would it be weird, if I swallowed you whole now?”

Luz smiled awkwardly. “Not any weirder than it would be any other time.” She hesitated again. “But I would like it if I could get more eased into it.” Luz felt a bit embarrassed to ask, because of the absurdity of the situation. “Could you hold your mouth open, so I can look inside first?”

“Sure.” Amity raised her up in front of her face, opening her mouth wide.

Luz couldn’t stop herself from flinching back at the sight of it. Her teeth were way too big for Luz not to imagine her accidently getting something caught in between them and crushed. The sight of her throat was even more unnerving, with the thought of her having to go down it. Luz shivered from both thoughts, before she managed to calm herself down. Relax, nothing’s going to go wrong.

It wasn’t that she hadn’t expected it to be scary, but she thought her curiosity would have made it less scary. Still, she didn’t want to not try it. “I-” she cleared her throat to avoid her voice shaking, “I meant so I could lean in.”

Amity shifted Luz closer to her mouth after she said that.

Luz once again had to take a moment to convince herself everything was going to be okay, before she held onto Amity’s teeth and leaned into her mouth. Nothing’s going to be bitten off. She could feel the heat of Amity’s breath against her face, but it luckily didn’t smell bad.

Amity moved her tongue moved away from Luz’s hands, confusing her. “Uh, you know, if you want to swallow me whole, you have to touch me with your tongue.”

She could see that Amity hesitated, before she relaxed her tongue.

Luz cringed slightly, as the warm wet tongue hit her hands, but she relaxed shortly after. It’s not that gross, just a little weird. Luz let Amity drag her tongue up her arms, as she watched. I wonder if I taste like anything? She pushed her tongue back down when she was about to lick at her face. “I still need to look!” she called out, trying to make it clear she wasn’t that bothered by it and actually found it a little amusing.

Luz moved her hands on top of Amity’s tongue. It felt strange how it twitched under her hands, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Luz suddenly threw herself back out of Amity’s mouth. “Oh! Wait!” She took her poké balls of her belt shoving them in her bag. “Can you take this?” She left her flashlight on her belt, just in case she wanted to look around.

Amity carefully picked the bag out of her hands, before placing it by her own. “I thought something was wrong.”

Luz shook her head. “No, everything is fine! I just thought… I mean, you could get hurt, if I lost something in there.”  She decided not to dwell on it. “Can you open up again?”

Amity did as she was told.

Luz leaned back in on her tongue, looking at Amity’s throat. The sight made her shiver, just like before, but it still wasn’t enough to make her back out of trying this.

Amity was having a bit of a different experience.

She couldn’t figure out why Luz tasted like she did. It wasn’t at all how she would have imagined a person to taste. She had expected them to maybe be a tiny bit salty, if they were sweating, but Luz tasted like her skin was made of sugar. She liked it, but it also weirded her out at the same time. Maybe this is just how people taste to size-shifters? She shifted her tongue under Luz’s hands, trying to get a bit more of her taste…It’s kind of like having a living piece of candy. She felt even weirder about it after that thought.

Luz turned her head to look at Amity’s teeth. The ones farthest in were the size of both her hands curled into fists. She leaned in a little farther, pushing herself up on her toes, to see if her assumption was right. She rested her elbows on Amity’s tongue, comparing the size of her fist to her teeth. Wow, they are! I am really tiny compared to her…

Luz felt a bit unsure of what to do now. Do I want to get swallowed yet? Her gaze fell on her throat. Something in her was telling her that she should tell Amity to stop, but she knew it was just her very rational fear of being eaten.

She sighed, before she relaxed her legs, sliding a bit backwards. Should I let Amity shove me in or crawl in myself? But she felt Amity pull her back out after a second to close her mouth.

Amity looked at her, but Luz couldn’t really read her expression. “Uh…” Amity started unsurely, “can I eat you now?”

Luz shrugged. “Sure, I’m done looking around.” She felt weird about phrasing it like that, but it didn’t matter too much.

Amity gently picked Luz up with her other hand, but put her back down when she saw her confused expression. “What?” she asked carefully.

“Nothing! I kinda thought I would be climbing into your mouth again, but this works too.” Amity nodded, picking her up once again. But Luz couldn’t help feeling a little uncomfortable with it. It can’t be not more uncomfortable than climbing in on my own…

Amity held her pinched between her fingers, still feeling that strange need for protecting Luz by eating her. Yet she also thought about how to do it. Should I tilt my head back and lower her in? She had no idea what she should do, but she felt that there was a right way to do it, even if there probably wasn’t. Would Luz find it weird or even scary? Her mind was getting impatient with her, yelling at her that it didn’t matter as long as she got Luz safe. Amity tilted her head back, hoping she didn’t look stupid doing that, before she opened her mouth.

Luz felt her heart pound quicker, but not in a good way, as Amity brought her legs down towards her mouth. Why is this so much scarier? She looked down into her mouth, feeling a much stronger shiver at the sight of Amity’s throat. She pulled her legs back, as she felt the jolt of fear. “Amity, wait! Give me a moment.” I just need a second to calm down and then everything is going to be fine.

Amity closed her mouth again reluctantly. Her mind was screaming to eat Luz even more severely than before, while she tried to push the thoughts down. She’s scared to be eaten; I won’t do this if she doesn’t want to. Yet that didn’t seem to calm down the thoughts at all. Either that, or it calmed down such a little bit, she could barely feel the difference.

Luz held her hand over her heart, feeling her heart beating under it. Should I back out? With how her heart was thumping; she strongly considered it. She looked at Amity, as she imagined going down the other girl’s throat. “Uh…” she didn’t know how to voice her sudden fright. “Just a moment more.”

Amity already felt let down. “Please…” She stopped herself, not wanting to make Luz feel like she didn’t have a choice. “Sorry.”

She was about to place Luz back on the ground, when she shouted, “Wait!” making Amity stop. “I still want to try it, I’m just scared.” It was pretty clear, giving how she was shaking. “I can do this; I don’t think it’s going to be as scary after I’ve tried it.” Luz looked up at Amity unsurely, fiddling with her hands. “Maybe it’s kinda the same fear that comes from anything scary.” She gestured something with her hands, but Amity wasn’t sure what she meant, or if it even meant anything. “Maybe a roller coaster or trying to climb a really high rock-climbing wall. Something that’s terrifying the first few times, but after that it’s fun?”

Luz could feel her heart still pounding away in her chest, but both not wanting to let Amity down and grasping on to that little bit of curiosity, she knew she had to do it. “Maybe those two aren’t the best comparisons, and it probably won’t be ‘fun’ in the same way, but you know what I mean.”

Amity smiled at Luz’s comparison, before she tried to figure out how to make Luz more comfortable. “You didn’t feel as scared when you were looking around my mouth yourself…” she thought out loud. “Would it help if you climbed in on your own?” Amity realized she was still holding Luz the way she had been before, putting her back down to sit in her hand.

Luz watched Amity’s mouth, feeling an uncertain chill run down her spine. “I think so?” It would feel better than being lowered in.

Amity opened her mouth again.

Luz didn’t waste any time, afraid to back out if she waited for too long. She pulled herself up using Amity’s teeth as fast as she could, feeling a little shove on her feet from Amity. Amity closed her mouth as soon as Luz was inside.

Amity grimaced at the feeling of Luz’s clothes against her tongue, as it sucked the moisture from her mouth. She felt embarrassed about having to roll Luz around her mouth before she could swallow her. Should I swallow her head first her get her to turn around? Amity wasn’t sure what would be best. She couldn’t picture what would be easier for both her and Luz. I guess I should just focus on getting her soaked enough to go down. With how Luz tasted, she guessed it wouldn’t take too long.

Luz squeezed her eyes shut, despite the darkness, as she felt Amity’s tongue move around underneath her. She couldn’t stop herself from feeling like she was a piece of candy. She felt Amity’s teeth grab her foot, before she swallowed the saliva around her. Despite her foot in between Amity’s teeth; she let her shoulders untense for a moment, feeling a little bit less scared. Everything is fine. She tried to reassure herself. Amity isn’t trying to scare me.

Amity could feel Luz becoming less tense, realizing that she was still scared, as she could feel her rapid heartbeat against her tongue. She didn’t know what to do… How scared was Luz? Should I let Luz back out? She didn’t want to at all. She swallowed around Luz again.

Luz squirmed uncomfortably, as her clothes became more and more drenched in drool. Her body was once again pressed up into the roof of Amity’s mouth. She felt the saliva disappear from around her, before she was lowered down again and pushed around.

Amity thought about how to swallow Luz again. Does it matter to her? Luz felt scared, but would one way be less scary? She hesitantly opened her mouth back up, hoping Luz wouldn’t mind needing to get back in.

Luz could feel a change in light behind her shut eyes, before she was pulled back out of her mouth. She uncertainly opened her eyes, seeing the string of drool between her and Amity, before she tried to slurp it in, before licking it away. She couldn’t keep herself from grimacing in disgust. That’s so gross. Both how it looked and how it sounded made her cringe and shut her eyes again.

Amity noticed Luz’s discomfort, feeling incredibly embarrassed. “Uh… I was wondering if you cared how I swallowed you?” She used her free hand to briefly scratch the back of her head. “I mean, head first or feet first?”

Luz opened her eyes hesitantly. Did she care? She pictured both ways. Being swallowed head first would probably be really uncomfortable… But is feet first any better? She tried to picture it. It doesn’t sound like it… But that was more about the whole being eaten thing not being very pleasant. At least I won’t be upside-down… “Uh… Feet first?” Luz knew that meant she couldn’t avoid Amity putting her in her mouth, unless she wanted to try turning around in her mouth herself, but she might as well let Amity do it. Maybe it won’t be as scary now. “And I’m okay with you putting me in your mouth.”

Amity’s brow furrowed. If she’s changes her mind, I can stop. She shifted her hands to hold Luz differently, deciding not to do what she did earlier. She lifted her hand up to her mouth, letting Luz’s legs slip inside, before she quickly, but gently, pushed the rest of her inside.

Luz didn’t get as much time to be scared as Amity pushed her in a lot quicker than she had tried to lower her in.

Amity’s tongue flipped her on her stomach, before she tilted her head back.

Luz’s fear sparked back up, as she slid backwards. Calm down; it’s not going to be that bad. She tried to keep that in mind while her legs slipped into Amity’s throat, before her tongue squeezed her down into it and her feet and lower legs slid down into her esophagus.

Amity felt her brain scream a loud ‘Finally!’, as she swallowed for the first time. But she could also feel how hard and rapid Luz’s heart was beating. She didn’t let herself dwell on it, as she swallowed again. She’ll tell me, if she wants to back out.

The tongue around Luz squash her up into her palate, shoving more of her into her throat. Luz wriggled, trying to feel less squished. It was a lot tighter than she would have thought.

Luz felt Amity swallow again, as her waist was pulled into her throat. Only her arms were still on her tongue, as the rest of her was falling into her throat, but she didn’t feel as scared as she did before. It’s okay… She comforted herself. It’s not that bad. Amity’s throat pulled on her, as she was squashed down farther.

As Luz felt the crushing pressure around her chest, she realized she should have taking a deep breath before Amity had swallowed her this far in. I can’t breathe. She could gasp a little bit of breath in, when she really tried, but it wasn’t easy.

Amity stopped swallowing, when she felt Luz wriggles become more intense. Oh… should I have let her out? It was too late for that now. She swallowed Luz’s arms and hands in one gulp, feeling jumbled, as feelings of worry and joy mixed in her head. I’m not supposed to be happy while Luz scared. But that didn’t stop that part of her from feeling like she had done something good.

Luz hated how tight Amity’s throat squeezed her, as she was pushed down. She couldn’t catch her breath at all. She wasn’t too worried about it, but it wasn’t pleasant. It felt like trying to dive to the other end of a small pool, except everything around her was crushing her and she couldn’t go up for a breath when she felt like it was too much.

Amity felt Luz slide down her throat, as her worry grew instead of lessened. Did I hurt her? She tried to swallow again, wanting to get Luz down faster, but she didn’t know if it would work.

Luz was eventually squeezed into Amity’s stomach, sliding down to the bottom of it. She began panting for breath, finally feeling the pressure of Amity’s throat let go.

Amity didn’t know exactly what to do. Luz didn’t seem like she was scared… She wasn’t screaming or fighting against her. “Uh… Luz?” she started hesitantly, “what was wrong earlier?”

Luz took another deep breath, appreciating her ability to breathe a lot more than she usually did. “I couldn’t breathe.”

It was quiet between them again.

Amity sat for too long trying to figure out what to say, before Luz spoke up again. “So uh… How does this whole thing feel?” There was a sharp jab from inside her stomach. “It better be as good as you thought.”

Amity couldn’t stop herself from laughing. “I don’t think it is.” She focused more on her question. “But it’s… something. I think I liked it more when I had you in my mouth, but at least now I don’t have those irritating thoughts about needing to swallow you.” She held a hand over her stomach, unsure of how to feel. “You taste like sugar.”

Luz stared up into the darkness around her. “Oh…” she muttered. “So I do taste like something. You know, I was actually thinking about that when you tried to lick my face the first time.” She felt around for the flashlight on her belt, before she got a hold of it, and turned it on, blinding herself for a few seconds. “Argh!” she shouted. That was stupid.

Amity immediately called out to her, before Luz interrupted her panic. “Don’t worry! I just blinded myself with my flashlight…” She slowly opened her eyes again, turning the brightness of the light down, looking around.

There wasn’t as much room as she had thought there would be, but she was more focused on how the walls around seemed oddly still. I guess that makes sense… Luz stared at the pink wrinkly walls around her. “Hmm…” I wonder what would happen if she ate something? “Do you really not know that much about size-shifter biology?” Luz wasn’t going to let herself possibly die inside Amity’s stomach just for an experiment either way, but she was curious. “What would happen if you ate something while I was in here?”

“I don’t know.” Amity made a weird squeaky noise. “And I don’t really want to find out.” She was quiet for bit, before she thought of something else. “Though I know that if you had eaten me and you ate something I would be safe… But it’s different.”

“Oh…” Luz wondered what Amity meant by that, but she probably didn’t know. “And I don’t want to try anything! I was just hoping you knew what would happen.” She shined the light up towards the entrance of Amity’s stomach, immediately distracting her from the conversation. Luz felt a strong chill run through her, despite the warmth of the body around her. “I am really inside your stomach…” Around Luz were layers of muscles and fat, and skin… and she was just sitting there, inside Amity, completely invisible to everything… Except for Luxrays, but they would only find her if they were looking for her. The thought wasn’t scary, as much as it was fascinating. I would really be completely safe in here… She could hide from everything if she wanted. Not that she did, but the idea of such a quiet place just with Amity… She felt a sting of disappointment. “I wish you wouldn’t get in trouble over stuff like this…”

Amity didn’t know how Luz came to that conclusion, but she agreed. “I know…” She brushed her hand over her stomach, despite knowing Luz couldn’t feel it. This was one of the only things that affected Amity and had all her life, besides her parents. She had never been one to break rules or get in trouble and she didn’t care that she could only use ground type pokémon for the rest of her life. Golett or Golurk weren’t the worst pokémon she could think of training. But being a size-shifter with the rules that were set in place? She was almost breaking rules just by existing ever since she was born. “It’s really hard.”

Neither of them knew how to continue the conversation from there.

Amity heaved a deep sigh. “I think I’m going to let you out now.”

Luz felt like it was a little soon for all the stress, but she didn’t have any objections. “Okay.”

¨¨

Amity had thought it would have been a lot harder to get Luz back up, but it barely took any longer than swallowing her, and it was far from as painful as vomiting normally got.

For Luz, it didn’t feel worse than first having been swallowed.

Luz slipped into Amity’s hands, before she was placed down on the ground, looking over where Amity had placed their bags. She cringed, imagining get Amity’s drool all over it too, but she knew she had to pick it up somehow. She didn’t really want to ask Amity to carry it.

Luz couldn’t stop feeling a bit awkward. She tried to avoid looking at Amity, as her face heated up. “Uh… I think we glossed a little bit over the fact that we both like each other?”

Amity seemed shy too. “Yeah…”

Luz headed back to where they had come from, picking up her bag. “Let’s just go back.” She yawned. “I’m really tired…” she mumbled, before she continued. “Maybe we can figure it out on the way back.”

Amity yawned too, but Luz was pretty sure it was because she had yawned. “Uh, yeah, we can do that.”

***

Thanks a lot for reading! I would really appreciate if you liked this story, if you enjoyed reading it!

Have an awesome day! <3

[erazonpo3]

hey look ma i made a map (not to scale please and thank you)

This is something I had fun playing around with on Inkarnate and it’s still liable to change in some ways but I’m generally happy with it! The idea was to make a map that extends beyond Corona to include all sorts of named regions from disney properties (and some of my own), but also be compliant with TTS (for the most part. I’m not responsible for in-universe incongruences for one thing). 

Side note: I made a Spreadsheet with all of the named Disney kingdoms that appear in extended media (like books and comics n stuff) so that I could nab them and cry ‘it’s canon whatever mom’ but more so I didn’t have to come up with names. You’re welcome to peruse it and use it as a resource too! it’s all disney props

To go into a bit more detail; 

Canon stuff

A majority of the map is me trying to keep the S2 journey in mind, with stops like Lumbard’s Pass and the Forest of No Return being necessitated by mountain ridges etc that would make detours around them a huge pain in the ass. For instance, it’s faster to reach the spire from Corona by flying over Kresten Loch, so the spire needs to be positioned in a way that it would be a straight line from Corona but requires a trip through the FoNR by foot. 

In Freebird Rapunzel mentions the “cliffs of Koto” so I took that for them being either in Koto or adjacent to it. Then in King Pascal Eugene mentions the black rock path leads them to the water/ocean, so that necessitated this huge bight in the land where they can then get knocked off-course to Terapi Island. More mountains because why in the hell would they go through Lumbard’s Pass + The Great Tree if there was easy access any other way? And yeah they could go by ocean but I figure the caravan just isn’t meant for open sea travel for very long, and shipping a caravan across a long voyage is a steep price even for a Princess. 

I know this does make travel between Koto and Blavenia virtually impossible but whatever. There probably are plenty of travel paths but most of them require mules and you don’t take a caravan. Anyway then they reach Skoteníyi which is what I’ve named the Dark Kingdom (It’s based on a headcanon I won’t get into now), and then of course Rapunzel + co minus Cass fly back to Corona via hot air balloon. 

The obvious thing here is that technically the distance between Corona and the Dark Kingdom isn’t particularly far, but the terrain is awful to travel by foot/wagon which is why the S2 journey takes as long as it does. Extra notes are that Lost Lagoon lists Yultadore, Dionda and Antipe as kingdoms that lie on Corona’s border so I squeezed them in where I could. 

My touches to the map

Points where I’ve put my personal spin on things is largely in the geography of all the regions surrounding the S2 journey and how those mountain ranges might affect/inform the geopolitics etc. I put in some big mountains encircling Corona which makes the wall a very strong strategic piece of defensive infrastructure, which only makes sense if Yultadore + Bayangor + Dionda were historically its rivals. 

Bayangor has since allied itself with Corona but maybe doesn’t get as much help as it would like. As you’ll see in my 2nd pic of the map I’ve outlined the 7 Kingdom Alliance as per the named kingdoms in Beginnings, and notable exceptions to this alliance are Yultadore + Vakretta and Equis. So Yultadore + Vakretta get to be historic rivals of Corona, and Equis gets left out because nobody likes King Trevor. (I definitely wanted to have Equis on a peninsula that’s landlocked entirely by Corona to say that yeah, this kingdom does have sovereignty but only because Corona lets it exist and they all know it). 

The 7 Kingdom Alliance in this verse is necessitated, I imagine, by how god damn terrible travel is through the northern half of this region and if Corona (one of the strongest trade regions by dint of connecting the north to the south) wants to make a trade pact with you in return for some political pressure, then you’re sure as hell going to take it. Another fun tidbit is that the Dark Kingdom is so far across the continent from Corona and so difficult to reach it sort of does make sense why Corona just. Forgot about it. 

(Note also that while a lot of the land in Skoteiníyi is infertile, there are edges on the border that are free for the taking by its border friends. Have fun with that, Edmund.) Refugees probably headed south to Yuwabe and Zaria as less hostile/difficult regions and spread from there, which is why Adira and Hector can be found wandering the southern half of the continent in the CTA AU. 

I’ve also spoken about the region of Eltaire-Sère before as the region in which Ilione lives, and I’ve settled on it being in Dionda- which now places Dionda as Corona’s south-eastern rival. As you can see there’s mountains almost completely encircling the region so it’s nearly impossible to stage military battles there so it just gets passed back and forth in treaties, and as of current TTS the region belongs to Corona even though it’s actually outside the wall and looks like it should belong to Dionda. Culturally, the region is a pretty strong blend of both Corona and Dionda (probably leaning more towards Diondan) so Lio gets two for one. 

Cassandra’s (first) journey

I’ve mapped out Cass’ journey in blue and it’s not really set in stone because I care less about the where of where she’s going and more about what’s happening there, but nevertheless I wanted it to be visually distinct from the S2 journey which is why she travels south before making a stop at Terapi Isle (hello Lady Caine funny seeing you here) and finally catching up with Alphecca in her homeland of Vakretta. It’s also worth mentioning here that one of the upsides to being a Lich in this verse as opposed to a ghost is that there’s no limits on where Alphecca can physically travel, and she spends a lot of time wandering around which is why Cass first runs into her in Jeojin/Yirov.  

I haven’t figured out as much on the geography of the southern section of the continent because unlike the S2 journey I can do whatever the hell I want with it, so I have full creative control but also I don’t have any markers like “Cass HAS to pass through here so make a detour impossible”. Nevertheless I like that the southern part of the continent is largely flat; compared to the northern half travelling is a breeze, which means the timeline is simply up to however long I want Cassandra to spend in one place. 

I figure in her 2nd journey she heads up north towards our dear friends in Arendelle as she travels around Sídiros (Iron Kingdom) in what coincides with Varian’s journey, but I haven’t really figured out what that’d look like yet. 

Varian 7K stuff

Timeline-wise Varian’s journey doesn’t start until Cassandra gets back from her 1st journey. Nevertheless I’ve mapped it out because I like being able to visualise it, and it lets me work in the 7 Trial Kingdoms into the map and worldbuilding. 

Jeojin is the “Fire Kingdom”, Dovena is the “Water Kingdom”, and Ardhyewa is the Air Kingdom. I didn’t want Cass and Varian’s journey to completely overlap, but Cass does visit Jeojin on her way out of Dionda and she hits up Ardhyewa to give Nuru + Ara a cameo. Torres is actually one of the named disney properties but I figured it’d make a perfect “Earth Kingdom”. Varian then travels through Yuwabe to hit the Dark Kingdom and then Sídiros as the “Iron Kingdom”, and the outline never mentions how the hell they get back to Corona from there so I figure they probably double back to the Dark Kingdom in which an air balloon is waiting for them. Idk it’s not my problem. 

A fun fact is that Varian’s journey intersects with Cass’ 2nd journey in the Iron Kingdom/Sídiros, in Solanales- if you’re familiar, Solanales is where the Countess Violante rules. Cue Cass trying her damn hardest to shuffle these kids THE HELL out of dodge. Countess Violante is also one of Donella’s biggest rivals in terms of her crusade against the IK aristocracy, so Cass + Donella work together in a “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” situation, which is of course hilarious when Varian assumes Cass has turned evil again because she’s working with 'the bad guy’ of his journey. 

He thinks she’s evil again and she’s like do you want Violante to commit a genocide hello??? funny stuff

Conclusion

so anyway thats it i love talking geopolitics

[chidoroki]

"DC3"

I wasn’t planning on writing out my thoughts for this one, but with Demizu delivering wonderful artwork as usual and Shirai in control of yet another interesting story, I couldn’t pass it up. I definitely enjoyed this story more than I originally thought I would too, so here we are.

Honestly, like right away it had me laughing with Saho and I was so happy to see this girl being capable of defending herself. Ya gotta love a strong main character.

She’s also smart too? Apparently she’s the reason her father’s robotics company is so successful, all because she solved some problems on his laptop effortlessly, or something..? Reminds me of Norman in that aspect. With the large impact the robots had on the world, she’s regularly targeted by kidnappers, cults, anti-robot terrorists and the paparazzi, but she takes them all out with ease. (Emma vibes are coming in strong y’all)

Until a sudden explosion causes a car to come flying at her, resulting in a quick save by father’s newest android, DC3.. which apparently stands for “Danshi Chugakusei” and at this point I was highly concerned on what the 3 stood for. I imagined this would be the third attempt at creating this android and wondered what could’ve happened to the first two, if there were indeed any previously, but we didn’t dive into that. It’s just a number, from what I gather, which I find kinda ironic since the numbers in TPN carry such weight and meaning to them.

Anyways, I adore him, even if Saho doesn’t at the present moment. She insists she doesn’t need a bodyguard, which is understandable as she clearly just demonstrated her skills moments ago, but father thinks otherwise. The thought doesn’t seem to bother DC3 at all either, as he finishes the job without question.

I freakin’ died at the “artist’s impression.” The humor in this story is great and probably a good reason why this story jumped into my heart so quickly.

Even though Saho isn’t thrilled about DC3 following her around, and even enrolling into the same class as her, there’s so many little moments I also enjoyed from them, and everyone else.

But I’m a fool for thinking that the good time would last, especially with Shirai behind the narrative. We learn about the one friend Saho had who (presumably) died protecting her from some angry anti-robot maniac strapped to a bunch of dynamite, which eventually shapes her into the girl she is today. A girl who defends herself so no one else would die for her, thus leading her to dislike bodyguards.

With the backstory acquired, DC3 seems only a little hesitant with following Saho around, but that lasts briefly as he continues to do so anyway and without any regard to the girl’s feelings.. or any girl for that matter. Oh you clueless boy, I love him.

We cut to Saho walking around in the park, which seems nice as no one is attacking her, but the peace is filled with loneliness. We learn that she trained herself how to fight and how she distances herself from others so they aren’t in danger by being around her due to her father’s success. Though she’s proud of how strongly she can rely on her abilities and how independent she became, she still longs for some kind of interaction with others. Repeatedly telling herself “I’m fine on my own. I’m fine. I’m fine.” when it isn’t what she truly wants hit a little too hard and too close to home and I just want to hug her please.

But here we are flipping the mood around again as those two girls aren’t as sweet an innocent as they once appeared.

And this Akechi dude, I dislike him. Not because he ends up being a massive threat or accomplishes something really horrible, but because that face of his reminds me of Peter Ratri for some reason. I don’t know if it’s that stupid smile, the way he speaks or whatever else, but that’s all I can think about whenever I look at him. The humor still gets to me though.

What didn’t occur to me was that DC3 was indeed the friend that protected Saho from those bombs all those years ago. Clearly my emotions kept getting tossed around too much throughout this entire story that I SOMEHOW didn’t even begin to think of this possibility? After all the self-sacrifices the full-score trio pulled, it’s a twist Shirai would obviously include too and yet I was still taken by surprise.. I must have “idiot” written on my forehead today.

For real though, we get this touching moment of Saho finally accepting help from someone else and then a second later I’m laughing at her due to DC3’s quick escape? My heart is getting a workout today y’all I can’t handle it.

I can absolutely handle DC3 kicking some ass though. “He’s a total badass” indeed! On top of physical therapy after the accident, he went through some intense training as well. Not against mere humans, but androids. Boy has power for days.

The knockoff Ratri eventually gets arrested so yeah everything ends well as expected. The two androids DC3 mentioned actually had some use too, like providing a safe landing for Saho and even knocking out Akechi with a simple plunger.. but hey, if Ray can knock down two demons with a metal pipe, then whatever works, go for it.

With how TPN S2 went “original” I had a small wish that they would’ve given Ray a flamethrower just for shits and giggles.. but nope! DC3 got one instead! I can’t believe it.. but YES!

Oh but I love this duo very much! I’m happy that Saho is learning to let people into her life more and seeing how excited DC3 gets about it all is so damn adorable.

Even though we all would’ve preferred a story more geared towards TPN for the series’ 5th anniversary, I say this one was still a joy to read. But that’s just me. When it comes to Shirai & Demizu they never miss.

[gold-onthe-inside]

Hey there

Favourite criminal minds episodes from any season?

oh god this is hard to choose. i did just go on a whole rant about doubt (because it really is a good episode) but i have favourites for different reasons. only doing seasons 1-7 because there are so many ugh

season 1: the ones that stood out for me the most was 'derailed' and 'the fisher king' (somebody's watching was just a painful episode, i'm sorry lila/reid shippers)

season 2: ngl, s2 was pretty good. my absolute favourite this season was 'lessons learned' is an AMAZING episode mostly because it highlights the brutality that happens in Guantanomo Bay and the way the system treats threats to national security. i'm sorry but no-one should be treated that way, not even a terrorist (which could totally be another post).

highlights include:

'the boogeyman' is actually one of my favorite episodes purely because the first time i watched it, i predicted the ending and it made me feel so big brain.

'north mammon' is also a really good episode purely because it tried to add some backstory to JJ. (if only they had kept up that momentum 😔)

obviously 'profiler, profiled' makes an appearance because OMG SHEMAR'S ACTING please i wanted to cry.

also mentioning 'the big game' + 'revelations' - i know it's a horrible representation of DID but i can't help it. it's an amazing episode.

'jones' was pretty good too, purely because willifer and also the concept of the abused becoming the abuser and how that doesn't invalidate the trauma they went through

season 3: obviously as explained in my previous post, 'doubt'. that episode almost made me forget this show is copaganda. in close second comes 'scared to death' even if it does kinda villainise a therapist. but still.

notable mentions:

'about face' gets a mention because it was rossi's first appearance and also imo emphasises how criminal profiling is not a science how had rossi been wrong, a woman could have died.

'in heat' is a beautiful episode because it shows how much pain LGBT+ people feel (speaking as a closeted bisexual) when they come out of the closet and then get beaten back inside. also gives us willifer and derek being pancoded

'the crossing' fucking devastated me. the whole battered wife plotline, why wasn't the whole plot based on that? i wasn't even paying attention to the other plot. the whole scene at the end, her killing her husband and then cleaning it up. when i tell you i screamed!!

THE FINALE!! OMG!! 'lo-fi' and 'mayhem' EXCUSE ME? MY GOD GIVEN SOLACE?!

season 4: the whole damn season, are you KIDDING me? who told them to go so hard? 'minimal loss' is by far my favourite (platonic spemily!!), even more than 'amplification' (moreid!!). overall their best season FIGHT ME!

i should add that i HATED the pigs finale. i refuse to name it. that tragedy, jesus! i don't even know what message they were trying to send us there, what, be afraid of intellectually disabled people? i'm sorry but what the FUCK? by far the most ableist episode i've ever watched (second most is coda but we'll get there)

season 5: '100' made me bawl. like a baby. i hate that episode. 'mosley lane' was incredible, thank you MGG my lord and saviour. 'the uncanny valley' also made me cry, potentially harder than 100. just the sheer 180 spencer reid gave from treating that poor girl's father to the way he treated her, i'm sorry it just, hits me so hard. and what morcia stan could forget 'exit wounds'?

season 6: ooh this was a great season. starting off strong with the premiere, 'the longest night', brilliantly written, loved shemar's acting, a wonderful episode, i have never felt less sympathy for an unsub. '25 to life', another wonderful derek-centric episode. derek is, hands down, one of the best profilers on the team and i have and always will trust his judgement. 'today i do' was another one that i didn't completely hate. the psychology behind that episode made sense, it was something i could definitely understand. and obviously, the whole ian doyle arc was amazing. i loved that.

okay, i've talked about 'coda' before. it was a great episode with one, one tiny flaw. i never understood the anti-seavers before today. y'all are fighting for the wrong reason. she is the epitome of ignorant ableism. she accused a child, A TEN YEAR OLD CHILD with autism of homicide. she accused a child of killing his parents. because he had autism. and the defense. the only defense. they could think of was that statistically, that sort of crime had a financial motive. are you kidding me? he was a child. that was raised with love and kindness. are you kidding me? i'm sorry, spencer playing piano with said child barely won me over.

season 7: off the top of my head, 'it takes a village' because reid's outfit and omg it was so brilliantly written. 'dorado falls' was pretty good, the PTSD was fairly accurately written. 'there's no place like home' purely for reid's frankenstein reference and willifer again. 'hope' was wonderfully written, my favourite penelope-centric episode ever. 'true genius' because it resonated with me so hard. the burnt-out gifted kid thing. i get it spence. 'snake eyes' because it was reid-centric and i loved him in that episode. also portrays gambling pretty well. it's often not seen as a serious addiction on tv, probably because it benefits big corporations. 'foundation' because it's a derek-centric episode and literally every derek-centric ep is amazing. and finally, 'hit' + 'run' are amazing episodes because willifer, emily completing her arc and spencer in a doctor who stume. let's just say this season did wonders for spencer's attractiveness.

kay, i'm gonna stop here or i'm never gonna stop. but those are my favourite episodes and why for every season.

[planetsam]

S2 prompt if you ever feel so inspired: Michael Sanders AU. Walt spends the time between asking to adopt Michael and when Michael returns to Roswell getting his life cleaned up. Not being able to help Michael was the shake up he needed. When Michael returns to Roswell Walt is able to become a foster parent. Gruff!Dad Walt is able to eventually adopt Michael. Michael learns about his mom from Walt much earlier and when Caulfield comes around they are more prepared and get Nora out safely.

Michael’s perched on the bed and all Walt can think about is how he looks like a bird about to take flight.

He’s been told a messed up story about the kid and though he’s grateful for him to be out of those hell places, there’s a difference between knowing a thing’s going to be hard and having it sitting perched on a makeshift bed in a makeshift bedroom clocking the exits. Michael’s eyes are focused on him even before he knocks on the wall to ask for entry. Michael says nothing and Walt fights the urge to smack his head against the wall. He’s lost his damn mind doing this.

“You gonna let me come in or should I try again later?” He asks and Michael flinches.

“It’s your house,” he says.

“And it’s your room,” Walt reminds him. Michael looks down and mumbles something along the lines of thank you and it makes Walt want to build a time machine, go back and kick his own ass until he gets his shit together a lot sooner, “you don’t gotta thank me.”

“Sorry,” Michael mutters.

“You don’t gotta apologize either!” He winces at the own exasperation in his voice. This kid needs professional help and neither of them is in a position to do that. Michael seems to curl in on himself, his eyes squeezing shut and his fingers clenching on the bed sheet, “be careful of your—“

“I need to get some air,” Michael says and scrambles to his feet.

“Don’t—“

“Excuse me.”

Michael doesn’t make it an option as he barrels past him and scrambles out. Walt hears something thud and fights the urge to reach for the bottle. He can tell why someone would think the things that are in Michael’s too thick file. Demons are a easier sell pretty much anywhere that isn’t here.  Walt scrubs his face and looks over at the shape watching from the couch. The damn dog is more judgmental than the people of the town but she helps.

“Well don’t get up and help or anything,” he says and goes after him.

Michael’s standing a few feet away breathing hard. Walt walks past him and looks at the other side of the car, the one that was facing the house. He sighs at the massive dent in it and looks back at Michael who looks like he’s going to be sick. At first Walt thinks it’s with fear, but then he doubles over and spews the contents of his stomach. No-one’s puked here since he went through withdrawal but he supposes that’s as good a run as he’ll ever get. He waits for Michael to be done and collect himself before he straightens up.

“Can you pop it back out?” He asks. Michael goes pale, “the dent, can you pop it back out?” He asks.

“I didn’t do that,” Michael blurts out.

“I’m not deaf,” Walt snaps, “or as stupid as your other fosters,” Michael looks stunned and it’s an odd look for such a young kid, “and I’m not going to hurt you.”

It’s clear Michael doesn’t believe him and Walt can’t say he blames him. The world’s a messed up place, he figures he knows that better than most people. He was probably younger than Michael when he learned it, but Walt’s not one to compare. No-one should be in that fucked up contest. Walt sighs and scrubs his face and pushes the itch for a bottle out of his head.

“I can help you fix the car,” Michael says abruptly, “I’m good with my hands.”

Briefly Walt wonders if the feeling of ‘this is never going to work’ is ever going to go away. Maybe it’s just part of being a parent. Walt remembers that he never wanted kids for a damn good reason. But one’s here and he’s gonna have to deal with it.

“Let’s go inside,” he says.

“You don’t have to call them,” Michael volunteers abruptly, “I didn’t mean to lie—“ he freezes as the sound of groaning metal echoes, “that’s not me!”

“Would you stop lying long enough to catch your breath? I know damn well it’s you,” Walt says, “why the hell else do you think we’re in a junkyard?”

Michael’s so surprised that whatever he’s doing cuts off and Walt hears something snap. He looks over to see one of the racks has cracked and watches one of the cars slide off and land on it’s roof. It looks almost comically like a bug that’s been turned over. Walt’s known for a long time he wasn’t cut out to be a parent to a regular kid. He’s got no idea what he’s going to do with a god damn alien. He figured this was a good place to start but he wasn’t expecting it to involve so many broken cars from the onset.

“How—“

“I knew your mother,” Walt says, figuring it’s best to rip the bandaids off in one go. Michael sways on his feet, “you gonna be sick again?”

Michael manages a nod before he hurls this time.

It might be the first honest thing he’s said.

Walt supposes it’s as good a start as any.

He steers the boy back inside and gets him into the chair. Nora hops off the couch and trots over, laying her head on his lap. Walt doesn’t have ginger ale but he’s got ginger beer which he guesses will have to do. He sets the can in front of Michael who looks ill at the sight of it.

“What do you need?” Walt asks. 
“Acetone,” Michael says.

“You better not be killing yourself in this house,” Walt mutters, getting the bottle out, “what’s this do for you?” 
“It makes things hurt less,” Michael says.

“Don’t drink too much then,” Walt tells him. Michael takes a few mouthfuls under his watchful gaze and then sets the bottle down. Some of the color has returned to his face. Walt takes the acetone and reminds himself he’s gonna have to lock it up and hope the kid respects him enough to listen, “well you don’t look half dead.”

“Is my mom dead?” Michael asks abruptly. Walt winces at the swerve but Michael’s apparently not done, “when did you see her? Do I look like her? Did she talk about me? Who was she with? Was my dad there? Could she move things with her mind too or did she read thoughts or channel electricity?”
 He cuts himself off breathing hard. It’s the most desperate Walt’s seen the kid since he’s been back. He’s got no business dealing with a desperate kid like this. He can picture his own old man’s reaction. Michael keeps look at him like a starving man and Walt has to remind himself he’s a kid who just found out someone knew his mother.

“I don’t know is the answer to most of that,” Walt says, “I saw her when I was about your age. She wasn’t the worst last thing to see with two eyes,” Michael looks surprised, “she mentioned you. Said you had her whole heart. You do look damn like her,” he leans back, “she said her name was Nora.”

“Did she say what my name was?” Michael asks. Walt shakes his head and Michael looks down, disappointed.

“Michael’s a good name,” he says.

“What about her powers? What could she do?”

“Well I saw her make fields grow,” Walt says. Michael perks up, “and some other things but that was the most impressive,” he looks at the boy, “can you do that?”

“Kinda,” Michael says, “I’m not good at it though, I usually make the planters explode.”

Walt blows out a breath and tries not to think about how this is going south faster than he could have thought.

But they’re here and they’re just going to have to deal with it.

** “This is ridiculous.”

Walt keeps his mouth shut as Jesse Manes checks his watch again. He guesses it was inevitable that the two would go at it eventually. He just prays to every God he knows that Michael didn’t do any of that alien shit. It’s going to be hard enough to explain this to the social worker as it is.

“Have we been called in yet?” Jim Valenti asks as he joins them.

“No,” Jesse says.

Jim nods.

Walt wonders what the hell he’s doing sitting with two people who represent the government. He’s been in trouble with the law enough to not want to be here. He’s also been in trouble enough in his school days to not want to be in there either. But he’ll take the slap on the wrist over the cuffs. When they are motioned in he’s the first up. Michael twists the second he walks in and gives him the barest head-shake. Walt lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. No alien shit then.

“What happened?” He asks.

“Your foster son fought with one student and attacked another,” the principal says.

“Why?”

Michael doesn’t answer.

“I told you—“ Kyle Valenti starts up in a tone that makes Walt want to plug his ears.

“The question wasn’t directed at you,” the principal cuts in, “Mr. Guerin, would you care to explain?”

Michael flinches like he’s the one whose been hit and Walt wishes things were different but he can’t be Michael Sanders if the paperwork doesn’t go through. Kyle looks smug. Alex whose been silent the whole time shifts in his seat. The look his father gives him is eerily familiar to Walt, the urge to grab Michael and get the hell out of there is a strong one. Alex wavers and then looks at the principal.

“His name’s Sanders,” Alex Manes pipes up.

“Not yet,” Kyle says.

“I started the fight,” Alex continues, “I was teasing him because he doesn’t have parents. Kyle got involved because he can’t keep his mouth shut.”

“No, I got involved because I don’t want to be in the locker room with someone who likes boys.”

The air vanishes.

Walt’s surprised to see Michael look equal parts devastated and furious. Alex looks angry as well, but anyone can see how hard his father is gripping his shoulder. It’s only Jim Valenti who looks ashamed.

“So it’s Kyle’s fault,” he says.

“Huh?” Kyle whips around.

“It’s his fault, clearly. You going to suspend him?” The principal looks surprised, “I think being off the team for the rest of the year sounds appropriate too.”

“Dad!”

The principal nods slowly. Jim hauls his devastated looking boy out. Alex lets out a sharp breath that Walt might mistake for relief until he sees Jesse’s hand hasn’t moved. Michael has seen it too and though Walt wants to tell him to mind his own business he knows that’s not what’s about to happen.

“I think that’s a fair resolution,” he says and sticks his hand out to Jesse in a sign of friendship. The main claims to be full of honor but it takes him a moment to pry his fingers off, “you boys want to apologize to each other?”

They both mutter sorry and Alex seems hard pressed not to rub his shoulder.

They’re all sent home. In the front seat Michael looks straight ahead. Walt gives him a moment, then a few more. When it’s clear he’s not going to be speaking up, he finally looses whatever patience he has left.

“I’m waiting for a explanation,” he says.

“His family killed my mom,” Michael snaps.

“We don’t know that!” Walt shoots back, “do you think she wants you getting yourself locked up or worse?” Michael looks down, “that wasn’t a rhetorical question!”

“No,” Michael says finally.

“How did Valenti get involved?”

“I was fighting Alex and he tried to back me up. He said because Alex likes boys.”

Walt would normally say that you need backup in life, that Michael shouldn’t let his stubbornness get in the way of that. But he can see how this doesn’t fall under that. He doesn’t like the Manes family on principal, not after the shit they’ve done, but even he’s not stubborn enough to see that Alex is like them. He might one day be, but right now he’s the same kind of prepubescent nightmare Michael is. Walt wonders if that’s a nightmare across all universes or if being in earth has just made things like that for Michael.

“It sounds like you did the right thing,” Walt says, finally catching onto Michael hanging on his every breath.

“You don’t think it’s wrong Alex likes boys?” Michael asks quietly. Walt cringes and Michael’s face falls, “got it.”

“No, you don’t,” Walt says, “I don’t care who you like, I just don’t want to be called into school for you pulling anyone into the bleachers or wherever you kids are making out these days. We have your hearing in a few weeks and we’re on thin ice with the noise complaints as it is.”

It’s nauseating how fast Michael whips to look at him. And how quickly he dives forward to hug him. Walt claps his shoulder as Michael jumps back into his seat. Sure maybe he never counted on raising a kid liking other boys, but he didn’t count on a kid period. And in the face of being an alien, well, Walt’s seen what Max is doing with his blackouts. Michael’s in trouble no matter who he wants to make out with. At least Walt can console himself there’s no risk of a cross species baby. He’s not sure he’s ready to add being a grandpa to his list of jobs.

“How long’ve you known?” Walt asks.

“Always I guess,” Michael says, “it’s like being a—“

“Not on school property,” Walt cuts in sharply.

That’s the last thing they needed added to this mess. There’s only one thing that could make it worse. 
Thankfully he and the Manes boy hate each other.

** Michael staggers in and Walt sighs deeply.

He’s done his best to keep liquor out of the house, for one he’s not strong enough to deal with that and two Michael’s got enough reason to drink. He doesn’t need to throw temptation in his face. Michael’s grown up into a good man, a man Walt’s damn proud of. He hasn’t done any of the stupid shit the other seniors are doing. Walt knows he’s a good man, he also knows how one drunken night can lead to a lifetime of regrets.

“You know I’ve got half a mind to keep you from that and let you feel the hangover,” he says finding Michael fumbling with the medicine cabinet.

“M’not drunk,” Michael slurs out.

“Sure you’re not,” Walt says sarcastically, “come on,” he says, “let me—“

“No!” Michael gasps and Walt suddenly finds he can’t move. Michael doubles over with a sound that goes straight through him, “just gimme a minute.”

“Okay, okay,” Walt says, “take your time. Breathe.”

Michael sucks in air and sobs on the exhale. Something in Walt aches to comfort him but he’s being held back. It’s been a damn long time since Michael lost control of his powers like this. Walt waits and after a long time he finds he can move. He forces himself to approach carefully, though he doesn’t think Michael will hurt him. He just doesn’t want him to stop him either. He crouches down on Michael’s level where he can see he’s shining with sweat, snot and tears. Like the first night he came. Walt doesn’t ask anything stupid like what’s wrong, he can see the way Michael’s got his hand clenched to his chest.

“Jesus,” he says and Michael pulls it closer with a whimper, “easy, easy,” Walt says. Comforting hasn’t ever been his forte. He settles his hand on Michael’s shoulder and eases him down to sit on the floor. He crouches in front of him, “let me see,” Michael shakes his head, “come on, give it here.”

Michael sobs as he supports his hand and eases it away from his chest. Walt pulls back the makeshift bandage. His hand is a mess of torn and twisted skin and misshapen bones. It looks bad. Walt can’t imagine how it must feel. Michael hasn’t offered any bullshit like it’s an accident. So Walt has nothing to go on but that it isn’t.

“We need to call your brother,” he says. 
“No,” Michael tells him.

“Why the hell not?” Walt questions.

“This can’t just vanish,” he says, dragging in a lungful of air, “they’ll know.”

“I don’t give a damn—“

“Jesse Manes did it,” Michael says and Walt finds he can’t breathe, “he did it because I got between him and Alex.”

“Why would you do a stupid thing like that?” Walt demands, “Manes boys are trouble, you know that. I thought you and Alex hated each other.”

Michael’s throat bobs.

There’s a frantic knock on the door. Michael tries to push himself up so fast he nearly falls over. Walt stops him from trying to scramble up and helps him brace his hand on his other one. He gets to his feet and gives Michael a warning look before he goes to the door. For a moment he lets himself be stupid and say that it’s going to be Max here or Isobel, someone who can actually help. But the stupidity only lasts as long as it takes him to look through the peephole.

“What do you want?” He questions sharply.

Despite having been frantically knocking on his door a moment earlier, Alex jumps. Walt can’t say he likes Alex, the boy seems to put sticking out like a sore thumb above everything else. Like survival. But he can’t say he hates him either and there are definitely teenagers he hates. Alex sneaking around with his son though, that’s a big mark against him. The worry on his face lessens that mark only slightly.

“Sorry to bother you so late, is Michael home?”

“He’s home alright, you wanna tell me what happened to his hand before I press charges?”

Alex pales but his jaw clenches and he meets Walt’s eye. Which is more than Walt would’ve expected from the boy whose been sneaking around with his son.

“I can tell you but pressing charges isn’t going to do any good,” Alex says, “Sheriff Valenti won’t do it.”

“He will if he knows what’s good for him,” Walt snaps.

“He doesn’t,” Alex replies. He looks anxiously over Walt’s shoulder and even under the mess on his face, he fucking lights up.

“I told you to stay put,” Walt says, turning around to see Michael leaning against the wall. He looks back at Alex who looks maybe five seconds from charging through his front door if he doesn’t move aside, “oh now you two don’t want to sneak around?” He looks between the two of them, “well does Romeo or Juliet want to answer me?”

“I didn’t want my father finding out,” Alex says. He looks at Michael’s hand, “I told him not to tell you.”

“Jesus,” Walt repeats.

He’s not a praying man but he’s going to need all the strength he can get if these two are planning on continuously sacrificing themselves for each other. One of them is going to do something stupid if he doesn’t move and he’d rather not deal with the telekinesis part of that. So he steps aside and nods Alex in. Alex scrambles forward so fast they nearly add another injury to the growing tally. Michael sinks down with a pained sound as Alex falls to his knees, his hands fluttering over Michael like he doesn’t know where to touch him. Michael tries to smile up at him but winds up folding over his hand. Alex pulls him close and even though it’s his own damn house, Walt turns away to give them a moment.

Thankfully he hears the car.

He shuts the door.

“You boys better get upstairs,” he says, “I think your dad’s here.” It’s hard to say who goes paler, “upstairs,” he repeats.

“I should—“ Alex starts.

“I wasn’t asking,” Walt says, “be glad I’m letting in you in his room at all after this,” he adds, helping get Michael to his feet, “and keep the door open.”

He takes the eye patch off. When he opens the door and Jesse goes a shade paler at the sight of that mess, he’s glad he did. It takes him a moment to recover and Walt wonders if he knows how involved his family is. He supposes that’s a question for another day. 
“Is my son here?” Jesse asks.

“Why would your son be here?” Walt counters, “did something happen?”

Jesse’s got some major balls on him to stand there.

“My son is involved with your—“ he begins

“Let me help you out, my son,” Walt says. Jesse presses his lips together, “don’t tell me you have as big a problem with adoption as you do with your son liking boys,” he says.

“You’re noble looking after him,” Jesse says.

“I’m not,” Walt shoots back, “I’m keeping a promise to a friend,” Jesse’s eyes narrow. Walt figures if he’s in for a penny, he’s in for a pound, “you’re damn lucky my boy’s a better man than the ones they produce here.”

“I’d watch your tone,” Jesse starts.

“I’d get the hell off my property,” Walt says.

Jesse holds his gaze for a moment longer but Walt’s faced down worse than some insane army man on a power trip. He’s sure as hell not folding. Not once Michael’s been hurt. Jesse at least seems to have enough sense to know Walt’s insane enough to take him on. Hell Walt’ll be insane if that’s what it takes. Jesse glances up and Walt ignores it. Michael’s barely standing and he sure as hell ain’t stupid enough to be by the window.

“If he comes by tell him I’m looking for him.”

“Do I look like a damn answering machine?”

It’s not easy to turn his back on a man he knows would shoot him, but for Michael he does and gets back into the house, making sure to slam the door behind him. He can’t tell if his heart is racing because of that, because Michael is hurt or because Michael’s got the boy he’s been sneaking around with in his room. He figures one thing at a time and goes for the first aide kit. Only to find it’s gone.

The door’s not closed all the way—because Michael has yet to meet a rule he doesn’t like to skirt. But it’s closed enough that he can peer inside quietly. Alex is splinting Michael’s hand. Michael barley lets him see him cry but both of them are snot nosed and teary, though Alex seems to have his wits about him. It’s not the worst splinting Walt’s ever seen. It’s on his lips to announce that Alex is sleeping in there over his dead body, but Michael’s laying his head on Alex’s lap and Alex’s fingers are moving through his curls.

He’s sleeping there for one night and one night only.

** “Is Michael here?”

Walt turns to look at Alex. It’s almost normal now to see him without his makeup and piercings, though Walt’s not sure he’ll ever get the image of him shipping off and looking out the window for a boy who wasn’t there out of his head. He’d ripped into Michael so badly that the boy had stopped whatever spiral he was on. College hadn’t been his favorite time but at least he could say he got his boy through that. Even if he’d continued to live at home. Walt’s not about to take that from him.

“No,” he says, “can I help you with something?”

Alex stares at him long and hard like he’s trying to read Walt’s mind or find out his secrets. He looks like he’s in shock, not an easy thing for someone whose been through the shit that Alex has been through. Walt sighs.

“Let me guess: you know.”

Alex looks so relieved that Walt knows his guess was right. Michael’s an adult. Hell Liz knows already. So it’s not like this is the first person to find out. But Alex is a Manes who looks uncomfortably like his father when he’s in his uniform. But Walt knows that a part of him still loves his boy. The fact that he’s not here with a team of scientists is proof enough of that.

“Do you—“

“Of course I know,” Walt says, “he’s my boy,” he drops his tools, “I knew his mom too,” Alex’s brow furrows, “oh you don’t know about that?” He shakes his head, “your family goes way back with his.”

“We do?”

“Yeah,” Walt looks over as Michael pulls into the driveway. He gets out of the car and stops dead when he sees Alex standing there staring at him, “you’d better come over here,” Walt says.

“I thought we were avoiding each other,” he says. Alex’s throat bobs before he straightens up.

They’re both adults, entitled to make their own mistakes. But Walt’s not sure he’s got it in him to watch them act like fools for another second. It’s been ten years of this pining, dancing around each other bullshit. Even now that they’re in the same place, neither seems to be able to get out of each other’s way long enough to do something productive. Even just standing next to each other they’re both struggling to be taller, though they damn well know Alex has an extra inch on Michael.

“Can we stop the dick swinging contest,” Walt says, “you both are ridiculous,” he looks between them, “well?” He prods Alex.

“I know,” Alex says.

“Know what?” Michael jabs. Walt swears he raised a smarter child. Alex looks annoyed, “what do you know?”

“He knows you’re an alien,” Walt says. Both whip to look at him, “I’m not standing here watching you two be idiots,” he says.

“Could you go inside then?” Michael asks. Walt raises his eyebrows, “please?”

He figures he can give them a moment before they need anything filled in. But if they start making out in his yard he’s going to ground them both. How that will work, he doesn’t know, but he figures it’s a start. There’s no making out, there’s just some arguing and a lot of gesturing from Michael. Alex eventually sits down because he’s still getting used to his missing leg. Michael paces like a wild animal. Walt watches and wonders if parents of straight human children have to go through shit like this. When they come inside neither of them is moving slowly or has shut up. What he isn’t expecting is for Alex to stay in the doorway and Michael to go upstairs and return with a bag.

“There’s an alien prison we’re going on a rescue mission,” Michael says.

“Bye Mr. Sanders.”

They’re both gone just like that.

It’s a full day before they pull up and Walt has decided he’s going to murder both of them so it’s a moot point. But he wants an explanation first. Just so he doesn’t have to have any guilt on his conscience when it comes to it. He’s fully ready for the murder too when Kyle ‘no longer an asshole’ Valenti gets out and jogs around to the passenger side. He’s not ready to see Michael helping out an old woman. She’s old and bald and wearing rags, but he’d know her anywhere. When she looks at him, she’s so surprised she nearly faints. But Michael keeps her upright.

“Walt Sanders,” she rasps, “you’ve gotten tall.”

Funny because he doesn’t feel tall.

Especially when she takes his hand.

“Hi Miss Nora,” he says.

“I guess I have two dance partners now.”

Walt looks over his shoulder as Alex gets out of the car. Even though he’s holding his mom’s hand, Michael is already watching him. Miss Nora sees it too. She squeezes his hand to get his attention and Walt looks at her. He has no idea if this is a thing where she comes from, but there’s nothing but soft pride in her eyes when she looks at Alex and Michael. And nothing but sharp humor when she looks at him.

“Well maybe just the one,” she says, “but I think you’ll do.”

[drivingsideways]

k-drama rec list

Prior to 2020 I’d maybe watched 2 k-dramas in my entire life, but this year I got sucked in, thanks to some great recs, and y’know, *gestures * everything.  

I think I’d held off watching kdramas because my impression of them was limited to romances that I didn’t enjoy at all. But this was the year I discovered the equivalent of “gen fic” kdrama- dramas that had wonderful ensemble casts, strong story lines that weren’t entirely romance focused and also a variety in terms of themes and styles. A big plus was that I found so many of these dramas had women leading the writers’ room, and seeing the effect of that in the story telling. (Notable exceptions: a certain “star” writer who should please stop inflicting her badly written, formulaic crap on the world, yes Kim Eun-Sook, I mean you, and whoever wrote that trashfire Flower of Evil)

So here I am with my own rec list! Caveat- these are mostly not the dramas released in 2020, I’m still playing catch up! :)

Under the cut for length

My Mister/ My Ahjussi  (2018, Written by Park Hae-Young, Directed by Kim Won-Seok, starring Lee Sun-kyun and Lee Ji-eun aka IU) 

This was definitely my absolute favourite of the shows I watched this year across western/ asian media. It’s a story about the thread that binds us all and the ineffability of human connection. It’s also a story that deconstructs ideas of masculinity and honour and shame in a non-western context, but with an extremely compassionate touch.  It’s a story that doesn’t shy away from showing the consequences of material and spiritual poverty; and how one can so easily feed into the other. It’s a love story that isn’t a romance, except that it’s a Romance. It’s about finding salvation in one another and in the kindness of strangers.  It’s about choosing life, and picking yourself up off the floor to take that one last step and then the next and then the next. The one quibble I have with the series is that it could have been better paced, it does get extremely slow after the half way mark. But god, do they land the ending. Both Lee Sun-kyun and IU turn in absolutely heartbreaking performances, and fair warning, be prepared to go through an entire box of tissues watching this series. 

Life  (2018,  written by Lee Soo-yeon  and directed by Hong Jong-chan, starring Lee Dong-wook, Cho Seung-woo, Won Jin-ah, Lee Kyu-hyung, Yoo Jae-myung and Moon So-ri.)

Medical dramas are very much not my thing, and I wouldn’t have taken a chance on it except that @michyeosseo said I should, and she was right! It’s a medical drama in the sense that it’s set in a hospital, but rather than a “case-fic” format, this is actually a sharp commentary on the corporatization of health care, and the business of mixing, well, money and what should be a fundamental human right. Writer Lee Soo-yeon was coming off the global success of Stranger/Secret Forest S1 when this aired, so I understand that expectations were probably sky-high, and people were disappointed when this show didn’t give them the adrenaline rush that they wanted. On the other hand, I thought that this outing was really much more nuanced in terms of the politics and also how the ending doesn’t allow you the luxury of easy-fixes. This show has a great ensemble cast, and while it took me a while to get used to Lee Dong-wook’s woodenness (i ended up calling him mr.cadaver after watching this and was surprised to learn that he’s very popular?), in the end I was quite sold on his version of angry angst-bucket elder-sibling Dr.Ye Jin-woo. His best scenes were with Lee Kyu-hyung who turns in a lovely, achy performance as the paraplegic Dr. Ye Seon-woo who just wants to live a normal life. The love story between the two brothers is actually the emotional backbone of the story, and I think they landed that perfectly. 

My one quibble with writer-nim is that she ended up writing in a forgettable and somewhat (for me at least) uncomfortable romance between the characters played by Won Jin-ah and Cho Seung-Woo. I think part of my uncomfortable-feeling was that I got the strong sense that the writer herself didn’t want to write this romance, it was as if she was being made to shoe-horn it in for Studio Reasons, and she basically grit her teeth and did the worst possible job of it.  I do wish we could have absolutely had the OT3 of my dreams: Moon So-ri/Cho Seung-woo/Yoo Jae-myung like, c’mon TV gods MAKE IT HAPPEN, just...look at them!!!! 

Anyway, that apart, I think this was a very engaging series, and by engaging, I also mean thirst-enabling, see below. 

 Stranger (aka Secret Forest  or Forest of Secrets) S1 & 2 : (2017-, Written by Lee Soo-yeon, directed by 

2017′s smash hit aired a much anticipated second season in 2020, and I managed to catch up just in time to watch that live, so that was thrilling :D . Writer Lee Soo-yeon  mixes up thriller/office comedy/political commentary in an ambitious series. I think S1 is more “exciting” than S2 in terms of the mystery and pacing,  but S2 is far more dense and interesting in terms of political commentary because it takes a long hard look at institutional corruption and in true writer-nim fashion doesn’t prescribe any easy solutions. Anyway, please enjoy public prosecutor Cho Seung-woo and police officer Bae Doona as partners/soulmates kicking ass and taking names in pursuit of Truth, Justice and just a goddamn peaceful meal, along with a stunningly competent ensemble cast. Also yes, Han Yeo Jin is a lesbian, sorry, I don’t make the rules. 

Search: WWW  (2019, Written by Kwon Do-Eun, directed by Jung Ji-hyun & Kwon Young-il, starring  Im Soo-jung, Lee Da-hee, Jeon Hye-jin)

GOD. Where do I start? +1000 for writer Kwon Do-Eun saying “fuck the patriarchy” in the most grandiose way possible, i.e. absolutely refusing to acknowledge that it exists. Yes, this is that power fantasy, and it’s also a fun, slice-of-life  tale about three women navigating their way through work, romance, national politics and everything in between. It’s true that I wasn’t entirely sold on the amount of time spent on the romance, and I really wish they’d actually had a textual wlw romance, though the subtext through the entire series is PRACTICALLY TEXT. But still, it maintains that veneer of plausible deniability and I think queer fans who are sick of that kind of treatment in media have a very valid grouse against the show. On the other hand, personally I felt that the queer-platonic vibe of the show is very wonderful and true to real life, and it was only reinforced by the ending. This is a show written by a woman for women (like me), and it shows. 

Hyena  (2020, Written by Kim Roo-Ri, directed by Jang Tae-yoo & Lee Chang Woo, starring  Kim Hye-soo and Ju Ji-hoon )

Those of you who’ve been watching hit zombie epic Kingdom are probably familiar with Ju Ji-hoon’s brand of sexiness already. I had not watched Kingdom and got hit in the face by Mr.Sexy McSexyPants’ turn as a brash, privileged-by-birth, up and coming lawyer who gets completely runover by the smoking hot and incredibly dangerous fellow lawyer/competitor from the other side of the tracks in the person of Kim Hye-Soo. When I say they set the room on fire, I mean it, ok. Every single scene between these two is an actual bonfire of sexual attraction and emotional hand grenades, and they’re both absolutely riveting to watch. “Flower of Evil” wishes they had what this show has- an actual grown up romance as opposed to a thirteen year old twilight fan’s idea of an adult romance. 

The “lawyer” shenanigans and the “cases” are hit or miss, and I think the occasional comedy fell flat for me. But that’s not why I mainlined like 6 episodes of this series overnight like a coke addict, and that’s not why you’re going to do it either. It’s so RARE, even in these enlightened days to find a female character like Jung Geum-ja: hard as nails, unapologetic about it, and not punished by the narrative for it. The best part for me is that she feels like a woman’s woman, not a man’s idea of what a Strong Female Character should be. Anyways, when I grow up I want to have what Kim Hye-soo has ok?

Other dramas that I watched this year, quickly rated:

The King: Eternal Monarch (3/10 and those 3 points are only for the combined goodness of second leads who deserved better- Jung Eun Chae, Woo Do Hwan and Kim Kyung Nam. Please head over to my AO3 and read my attempts to fix this garbage fire and rescue their characters from canon)

Flower of Evil (-10/100, dont @ me)

Tale of the Nine Tailed (5/10, I think it succeeds at what it set out to do, which is a light hearted, sweet fantasy-romance-melodrama, plus “second lead” Kim Beom will make you cry as the hot mess of a half human/ half fox spirit ALL TEARS character. I think if you’re into kdrama romances as a genre, this is probably a good bet?)

Signal  (7/10,  This was the first full kdrama I watched this year and would definitely recommend. It’s a police procedural with time travel shenanigans and has an engaging plot, good pacing, texture and compelling performances. My one disappointment with it was the way they wrote Kim Hye-soo’s character. As literally the only female character to survive in any way, she was given short shrift, and toward the end it really began to grate on me.)

Six Flying Dragons - (7/10, also would recommend if you’re interested in Korean historicals. It definitely already feels a bit dated in terms of styling and production values, and even scripting and acting choices. But it has a good balance of fantasy and history and political commentary. I was not a fan of Yoo In-Ah’s performance in this series, but it’s not anything that would make you want to nope out of the series. It’s GoT , if GoT was thoughtful about politics and characters and not the misogynist, racist trashfire that it became.)

My Country: The New Age - (3.5/10, and that’s 3 points to Jang Hyuk’s fan and 0.5.points to Woo Do Hwan’s heaving bosom. If you like your historical drama/fantasy with very pretty men, very gay subtext -seriously RIP to show makers who thought they could hetero it but didn’t account for Woo Do Hwan’s Tragic Face- lots of blood and tears and very nonsense plot, this is right up your alley. I probably would have enjoyed it more in other circumstances, I think? But this one just annoyed me too much at the time! 

I have a couple of more dramas to watch on my list, that’ll probably carry me over into 2021, so see ya on the other side! :D

[ichika27]

Mairimashita! Iruma-kun s2 ep20

Another light-hearted episode! We’re not yet in the next big arc, I guess.

Ameri’s dad came over to personally tell Iruma that the reporters have gotten restraining orders and can’t bother him for an interview about what happened at the park anymore. Iruma is relived to hear this as it meant he could go home now.

He asked about Ameri but her dad angrily replies that Ameri is busy studying.

lol She’s studying alright - studying on how to create the perfect date for her and Iruma!

This girl is using manga as reference material. Haha well, her powers involve imagination and will power after all.

Ameri was too nervous to actually ask out Iruma (even though Iruma had told her that they could go somewhere with just the two of them before). Iruma made the first move and messaged her about their day out himself.

She happily tells him of where they’d meet (but kept the location of the place they’re going to a secret) and also reminded him that this time, it’s just supposed to be the two of them (so no friends tagging along).

Ameri's dad was passing by and catches her picking out clothes she’d be wearing on her date. He immediately realized what it's about. Dad instincts right there! He’s totally not ready for his little girl to grow up.

The day of the trip is here! This is where they’d be spending their time: an aquarium + pool combo.

Ameri basically planned a pool episode with just the two of them. Also, Ameri, that line is supposed to be for Iruma! You got in there first.

Iruma is happy seeing her current appearance by the way hehe. He's a teenager after all, it can't be helped (he's not the only one who thought so cause other visitors were certainly mesmerized by her beauty).

Oh no! How could this go to lewd territory so quickly! lol jk. Her plan involves this as a first step (after the surprise date setting) and her main goal is to get bridal carried... and maybe even get a kiss if she’s lucky. She's having trouble easily getting a hold of Iruma's hand though because if you haven't noticed yet, they have this big height difference and his hand isn't easy to reach. With that, she hasn't given up but says she'll try harder.

She’s just too tall and he’s too short lol.

This is also part of her plan cause in the manga, the couple did this with the guy holding on to the girl while they go on the waterslide. Actually, since she's the one pursuing and she's the taller one, she had been taking the guys role in her plans. Their supposed moment in the slide doesn't last long though since the ride was too fast and so it was over quickly.

They got their hearts racing but because it was some kind of thrill ride.

Next is playing in the water. She was nervous about this but Iruma initiated by splashing her with water. It was supposed to be fun but she's too strong and ended up splashing a little too much water on Iruma.

I mean, I knew it was gonna happen but I didn’t expect how powerful the attack would be. That was a tsunami she hit Iruma with and not a splash of water.

Beach volleyball time! *Fly High by Burnout Syndromes plays in the background*

Ameri tries holding her strength back this time around but she's just too powerful. Fortunately (or not), this doesn't affect Iruma and he decides that he'd play seriously. It ended up not being for purely for fun anymore haha. On the other hand, I’m glad to see Iruma being competitive and not panicking anymore about demon-related stuff.

The next part is eating a parfait like a couple!

The food in this world is weird though. I kinda saw this coming after seeing all of the food in the show so far but really... what the heck is that? It’s still alive lol.

The parfait attacked them and ended up feeding Iruma itself... which is weird. This was the last of her plans and now she's kinda unhappy none of them went as well as she hoped.

Souvenir shopping next!

Iruma picks out stuff to get for his friends and family back home. Above is a picture of Ameri feeling jealous when Iruma was picking something out for Clara. Don’t worry Ameri, you’re way ahead of Clara in the race.

Aww Iruma was worried that Ameri is working too hard in the Student Council and today he wanted to help her relax and have fun for once. He noticed that Ameri doesn't seem to be having a lot of fun though.

Iruma makes Ameri realize that the time they had was fun but Ameri isn't satisfied. She had fun but it's not enough. After all, she has bigger goals!

She has one more thing up her sleeve - watching a divination show. The creature (that looks like some kind of water dragon thing) has the ability to find a good couple with great affinity. She’s hoping that she and Iruma would be picked as a good couple cause that’s romantic, right?

Of course, this is a comedy shounen anime. You shouldn’t expect things to go so well.

Mako-chan is hungry and immediately grabs onto Iruma. She's hungry from her diet and quickly found the only member of the audience she can eat - the human. Iruma realized that the perfume he uses to hide his human scent might have been washed off by the water and so Mako-chan was able to single him out (surprisingly, other demons hadn’t).

Ameri saves Iruma from being eaten by delivering a powerful kick on poor Mako-chan. And with that, she got to be part of a bridal carry... just in reverse like everything else lol.

The staff apologized to Iruma and Ameri and gave them year round passes as compensation.

Aww... Mako-chan is sorry about what she did, too and Iruma tells them it's okay and that he's not mad. Ameri is sad though and Iruma also noticed she's injured.

He asked if she could walk and she answers "If I say I can't... will you carry me?" Oooh! Ameri is really going for it! She tried taking her words back but Iruma tells her that it’s okay, he’ll carry her.

And after that he used his powers to adjust her weight and then he actually did it! While carrying her, Iruma tells Ameri that he had a lot of fun the entire day. Honestly, I thought Iruma was gonna change his own looks to be like, big and hunky to carry her but he just changed her weight. Surprising but not bad.

Despite all the setbacks, this turned out to be a successful date after all!

--

Okay... so I guess this means Ameri really is the endgame? She’s the one Iruma will end up with some day? Because this entire season had been hinting at it. There were scenes and episodes dedicated to the romance blossoming between them (at least, mostly on Ameri’s side). And now there’s a date episode. Unless the author gives focus and development around Iruma the other characters who like him, then this is gonna be the only ship that would make sense. This is the one with on-going development that story-wise, it should get a pay-off or it’d feel like everything set up was a waste.

Honestly, I’m not a Iruma/Ameri shipper. I did mention before that I ship Iruma with either Azz or Clara so shipping moments between Iruma and Ameri doesn’t really do much for me. I do think it’s cute and this show gets wholesome when it has to be that it’s impossible to hate even parts of the story I’m not really into. I did enjoy this episode a lot cause it was cute and I am happy Ameri’s hard work paid off.

I guess I’m just disappointed? I mean in a way, why bother giving Iruma alternative love interests (a harem, actually since there’s more than one girl and so it’s not just a love triangle) if they’re all gonna be shot down this quickly.

On the other hand, I feel kinda bad for Ameri’s dad cause he can’t stop this development lol. His little girl is growing up! He should at least be happy that she fell in love with probably the nicest guy in the demon world (and he’s also the future demon king hehe). I was actually expecting him to follow them in their date or something but I guess he does respect his daughter’s privacy which is nice. Would’ve been funny to see his reaction though.

Next episode is about Grandpa Sullivan! Hmm... another relaxing episode again, I’m guessing?

Thanks for reading! I’m excited for the next episode.

[dotthings]

So let’s talk about Cas’s issues, and how they hit that nerve of Dean’s insecurities. 

I feel like Dean’s personal issues get discussed a lot (by myself included), both from a Dean-positive take and from the pressure placed on this character in a more negative way. There’s a lot of expectation placed on Dean as a character and ironically enough, in that process I feel like even Cas fans don’t do enough digging into what makes Cas tick, what his weak points are, his fears, his cyclical dysfunctional hang-ups. Cas is a layered, complicated, well-developed character with a now 12 season history on the show, as a main character, even if he is less prominent than Sam and Dean, and as such this means there are flaws as well as goodness in him. It does Cas a disservice to paint him as never wrong, as never causing hurt to those he loves. I’m not speaking as a Dean fan here, but as a Cas fan, this just isn’t about fairness to Dean, I feel there is an actual imbalance in how these discussions tend to go and it’s kind of a habitual tendency in the fandom. In part fueled by the fact that Dean is so open with his feelings, shows that he feels things SO hard and so deeply, that’s the character, and that kind of makes Dean a lightning rod to talk about Dean feelings, good or bad.

Canonically, Cas tends to get less pov due to structure, when Cas isn’t in every ep of a season and where SPN structurally puts Sam and Dean as the center spokes of the wheel, no matter how near the center Cas is of that show wheel. Cas has become another core pillar--Dabb referred to Cas along with Dean as a “core character” in his pre 15.09 interview. But because logistically, Dean still carries more pov on the show, we get more looks into Dean’s mind than into Cas’s. Which isn’t as great for Dean fans as you might think because by SPN not giving more Cas pov, it’s putting more and more of the responsibility for making the profound bond work onto Dean and Dean’s pov. While Cas has contributed plenty to this rift that developed.

There’s also the thing about the fandom default perception is that Dean is repressed emotionally. Which, sure, in many respects, yeah. But not in the way it’s popularized in fandom. Dean is actually the more facile, open, raw, vulnerable in expression of his emotions, with big outbursts, of hurt/anger or softness. He goes big. He expresses. He cries easily. He doesn’t exactly hide. He wears his heart on his sleeve. But because Dean is also a character who constructed facades to survive, he puts on facades and one facade is "no chick flick moments.” A facade I’ve pointed out again and again he’s terrible at maintaining, nonetheless it is real and he can be gruff and he does at times try to hide from his own feelings, and avoid, and struggles not to say stuff and then it gets out anyway. But he’s also very openly emotional.

While Cas is actually far more locked up emotionally as a character. Far more repressed than Dean. Look at his background. Millennia as an angel. Shoved back through the angel reprogramming machine every time he displayed an independent thought. Angels have emotions. They are not unfeeling. But they are taught emotions are weaknesses. They are a taint. They are dangerous. A lot of Cas’s arcing over the past 11 years has been about learning what emotions are and how to manage them. Even if we remove that factor, Cas also has a personality of his own, as a character, and is a survivor of trauma and abuse, as Dean is. Cas, like Dean, carries a lot of anger.

Cas is impulsive. Sometimes heedless. Ironically, he often pulls Dean back from heedlessness. But he has that tendency and Cas’s heedlessness tends to result in cosmic level events (leviathans unleashed, angels falling). He has a temper. He will end you if you hurt those he loves. Cas in the past has shown a hubris about how he has to fix all the things because these frail humans he loves can’t, Dean’s “just a man,” and while Cas definitely outgrew that, there are remnants still there. Which isn’t JUST hubris. Cas, being an abuse and torture survivor, being a survivor of emotional neglect, similarly to Dean, also has, similarly to Dean, this thing about needing a mission, a purpose. He needs to be needed. And if he isn’t serving a purpose, if he feels he isn’t being useful, then he feels worthless. The Dean corollary to that is Dean’s lack of self worth in what his father instilled in him--that he has no purpose, no mission, outside of protect Sam, and the hunt.

This need for purpose and Cas’s insecurities powered a lot of his arc with Jack. Cas’s relationship with Dean evolved over time. They didn’t stay just the same. In some ways the bond equalized in good ways, but as part of that, Cas was no longer the “Winchesters’ guardian” of early Cas seasons. That role gave Cas purpose. As Cas drew deeper and deeper into the family, as his character developed and he increasingly got his own arcs, which are all good things, that also meant Cas wondered what his purpose is.

Protecting Jack gave him purpose. A mission. Someone to look after. His relationship with Dean isn’t that. That hit a height with “draped yourself in the flag of Heaven” at the end of S9. By S11 the focus shifted to Dean’s drive to save Cas. Dean and Cas’s relationship is that of peers, fellow soldiers, friends, and yes, on a coded level that’s been harder and harder to ignore in later seasons, lovers/husbands. 

Cas devoting himself all to Dean wasn’t sustainable. Just as Dean couldn’t perpetually be all about Sam, but while Dean and Cas are more peers/husbands role, Dean is Sam’s stand-in parent. Dean was parentified at the age of four. Sam as recently in 15.09 says Dean raised him. Sam knows his actual father figure is Dean, not Bobby, not John. There’s a whole lot about Sam and Dean’s relationship that made a lot more sense to me once I kept that in mind, that symbolically they were parent/child not just siblings/hunting partners. (Their codependency added another complication into the mix) That is not the relationship Dean and Cas have ever had. They are protective of each other. But it’s not a pseudo parent-child relationship. Nor are they codependent. But Dean always had a Sam, while Cas...did not have a Sam. Dean wasn’t his Sam, once he found a Dean. Dean was something else entirely. Not less, but different.

Enter Jack and while I was resistant to that arc initially, in the long game I can see multiple overarching purposes for the story. One of them is Cas’s character development. While the Cas and Jack bond isn’t just like Sam and Dean’s, and I’m not suggesting it is, it has that similar pseudo parent-child aspect. Jack is all of Team Free Will’s kid, but I think the way Jack impacted Cas’s arc made the most seismic shifts. 

The thing about this S15 rift with Dean and Cas is that it’s not really about Dean’s existential crisis about “realness.” It’s not actual about Mary or Jack or that freakin’ snake. Well, it is...I’m not suggesting Dean had no valid reason to be hurt and upset with Cas. That is real. But this was ramped up as a culmination of years of issues. It mashed Dean’s buttons so hard because these are reflective of cyclical behaviors that come from Cas and it hurts Dean every time. Underlying all that, maybe subtextually, Dean’s doubts about realness played into it here as well. But the doubts, fears, insecurities, and hurts Dean feels about Cas are there regardless. Chuck applied pressure points to hasten the rift. To rip them apart because that serves his purpose but all he did was play on their actual insecurities and feelings and then watch them dance to his tune. 

One of Dean and Cas’s issues has been things that have been there a long time, in the relationship, where Dean’s chronic issues play on Cas’s insecurities and Cas’s chronic issues play on Dean’s insecurities. There’s a bunch I could reel off. Dean’s abandonment issues vs. Cas’s tendency to keep things from Dean, not turn to Dean, not trust Dean, for one. This is something Cas has done for years, long before Jack, and it hurt Dean then and it hurt Dean now. Just for example.

I feel like what happened late S14/early S15 is that all these long running issues they never addressed came crashing down on the bond at once. 

The things that are Cas’s issues, Cas hasn’t talked much about. Cas doesn’t talk about his innermost emotional landscape the way Dean does. Sometimes he does speak his feelings, but I wish he’d do it more often. 

The things Cas has done in the past that hit on Dean’s abandonment issues all got ramped up with Jack. And it happened more than once. Why is Dean so hurt. Look at how he responds to Cas keeping things from him, or to losing Cas, or to Cas not reaching out to Dean, trusting Dean enough to go to him in the past. How hard that has been on Dean. Take your pick of plots. Cas teaming up with Crowley. Cas and the monster souls. Cas running off with the angel tablet. 

With Jack there was a string of events. It wasn’t just the one thing. This isn’t my condemnation of Cas or because I don’t get Cas’s motivations and good intentions. Or about Cas being right/wrong. Right or wrong, his actions still hurt Dean. Being a parent added such a completely new layer into Team Free Will bonds, the TFW familial unit shifted. Change can be hard on a relationship anyway.

Quick recap of the sequence of events with Cas and Jack: it was Cas slipping away from Dean as Cas devoted himself to a nephilim in embryo. When Cas bonded with Jack’s grace in the womb. When Dean said he didn’t recognize Cas. There was Cas’s belief in the vision Jack showed him. It was Kelly giving Cas a mission to protect her son. Cas, like Dean, feels a strong sense of duty. Remember Dean’s S2 speech when Sam died? How Dean expressed the depth of his sense of failure? “I had one job, to keep you safe.” And by the end of S14, Cas lost Jack. He had one job. To keep Jack safe.

Cas pretty much thinks he’s worthless without that, same as Dean.

So there’s Cas, taken by Kelly after Dean was begging him--begging him--to return to the bunker with them so they could talk. While Kelly effectively prevented Cas from taking the action he might have done of his own volition since she drove off in the Impala with Cas still inside it and he couldn’t stop the car without hurting her and her unborn child, the element of choice there is murky. But Cas did choose to protect Jack. He did choose to knock out Sam and Dean at the playground. There’s Dean, as he has in prior seasons, seeing Cas walking away again. 

Then it happens again. Cas heedlessly goes after Lucifer, when he should have waited, Cas was so focused on his Jack mission, and as a result, Lucifer stabs Cas dead, right in front of Dean’s eyes. So Dean loses Cas again, and audience gets to see Dean is utterly devastated (but Cas doesn’t). 

But then Dean gets Cas back! His big win...which Dean confesses to Sam but again, Cas doesn’t get to hear it. And then right after getting Cas back, Cas is running off again, due to Jack. Dean begs Cas--BEGS HIM--let me come along, you need backup and Cas says no. Because Cas has to fix all the things himself. So Cas gets kidnapped and locked in an angel proof cell. Dean doesn’t even know he’s lost Cas this time due to voice mimicky plot, but there it is again, Dean loses Cas, again for Jack. Then Cas keeps that detail about Felix the snake from Dean, which wasn’t right for Cas to do, to be so secretive. Whatever his intentions, no that wasn’t right, and it goes right back to Cas’s tendencies shown in earlier seasons. To fix the thing himself. Anael calls Cas on it, even. His fears. Which leads to Cas finally going to Sam and Dean with the information. Cas apologizes and confesses, explains in a rare moment of us actually getting to see inside Cas’s emotional landscape that he was scared what Jack losing his soul would do to tear this TFW family apart. What Cas would lose because of that. A hella lot of that is about Dean, not just TFW or Jack. 

None of this has ever been Cas not caring about Dean. Cas was there for Dean in S14. He fought to save Dean, first from Michael, then the Ma’lek box. But Dean and Cas don’t exist in a profound bond bubble.

Dean doesn’t even know yet that Cas sold himself to The Empty to save Jack midway through S14. Should we start screaming now?

So after Cas’s confession and apology late in S14 about what Jack did to the snake that Cas didn’t clue in Sam and Dean about, Mary is dead, because of soulless Jack, and all hell breaks loose with Jack, and Dean believes the only way out of this with soulless Jack is to kill soulless Jack. Cas doesn’t agree. Dean delivers an ultimatum, my way or the highway and who cares what you think (bad move, Dean). So to save Jack and Dean, because if Dean shot Jack with Chuck’s gun, it would kill Dean too, Cas runs off to get to Jack first. 

From Dean’s perspective he’s seing Cas’s back again, leaving him again. Losing Cas again.

Think about how this steps on the same nerves as Cas’s vanishing acts in earlier seasons, or Cas walking into the lake, or Cas staying behind in Purgatory when Dean did everything he could to save him. Think about Dean’s abandonment issues. Think about how Dean’s abandonment issues and this repeat cycle of Cas’s inherent tendency to not get that he should loop his family into things, that he can’t fix it all on his own, of leaving, even if he always comes back. And no we can’t blame Cas for the times he left when he didn’t want to, when something happened to Cas, but when he vanished into the lake in 7.01, when he insisted on staying behind in Purgatory in S8, when he heedlessly went pell mell after Lucifer--Dean losing Cas was a direct result of Cas’s choices. Where Cas put himself into a position where Dean lost him. 

This has happened again...and again. Imagine the heart-crushing heartbreaking panic for Dean during their Purgatory revisit when Cas disappeared. It’s Dean having to relive his Cas trauma. Because guess what, Dean loves Cas a lot. I don’t know how this even became in question in fandom, it continues to utterly baffle me. 

So it’s not really about Jack though. I’m not blaming the Jack storyline for this. What happened was the Jack storyline brought those issues to a boiling point. Cas’s insecurities and drive to have a mission. Dean’s abandonment issues clashing with Cas’s running off again. Repeatedly. 

What’s going to happen when Dean finds out about The Empty deal, and not just the deal itself but the fact Cas kept that, too, from him. I don’t think it will be rage this time. Not after 15.09. It will however, I suspect, be utterly devastating for Dean...maybe this time he won’t snap at Cas, he’ll just say how devastating it is, before he and Sam get to work on a solution. And Cas will have to witness how devastating it is. Cas hearing Dean’s prayer in 15.09 is such a big deal and I really really hope this hit Cas hard and woke him up to some things. Because with all of Cas’s particular insecurities, despite the fact that Dean has repeatedly shown Cas directly how much he matters, there’s also been plenty audience gets to see (Cas is family/Dean’s grief arc/Cas is a big win) that Cas hasn’t. Cas hearing Dean’s prayer here I think will change things. Cas won’t be the same. Dean won’t be the same. The bond won’t be the same. In a good way. 

15.09 didn’t feel like resolution to me, and I’m glad Dabb confirmed that in his pre ep interview. It felt like ice melting, barriers crumbling. That’s good. It’s a start. That will help them with what’s next. But they have so much to work through still. Because their problems aren’t just from recent plot events, or Chuck. These tap into some fundamental things about them each that affects their bond. I’ve been saying this since before the end of S14, this isn’t hear to destroy their bond, it’s to level it up. It’s to deepen it, to fix what’s been amiss at the root and realize it into something even more powerful.

I need Cas to speak, not just Dean. Not just for my ship but for the character, I need more looks into Cas’s inner emotional landscape and how he feels about his own insecurities and I’d love to see an equally big confession about his Dean feelings.

[joggerfive]

Fic: Innocent Bystander

When Sam goes to fetch Runner Five for a last-minute fuel run, he finds her in a compromising position. Set in S1/S2. (Also available to read on AO3)

(CW: sexual references)

-----

Sam and Maxine were in the comms shack, sitting in companionable silence at opposite ends of the desk as each of them attended to their own paperwork. Misery loves company, after all. Maxine finished writing on a page and moved it to the side, then focused her eyes on the small yellow note that was previously hidden underneath.

“Sam?”

He didn’t look up from his paperwork and instead only answered with a non-committal mumble.

“Did you see this?” She continued, as she placed the note in front of Sam’s eyeline.

He tore his tired eyes away from the sheets of paper in front of him and looked at the small note. It read:

‘Need an extra fuel run immediately. Tell the runner(s) to head west – Mr. Harrison reported a garage there with multiple tanks.'

From the neat handwriting, he knew the author of the note was Janine. And from the use of capital letters and underlining, he knew he was screwed. Sam swore as he shot up from his chair, suddenly full of energy.

“When was this put here?!” He asked Maxine, panic evident in his voice.

“I don’t know!” She exclaimed, immediately feeling the effects of Sam’s anxiety affecting her.

Sam mumbled to himself as he searched through his pile of papers, before finally finding the one he needed.

“Okay,” he said quietly, more to himself than to his companion. He sat back into his chair and ran his fingers down the rota with all the residents’ allocated jobs throughout each day, searching for a runner who was currently available.

“Five hasn’t been for a run yet today, and she should be free right now.” He concluded, letting out a large exhale, “That’s fine. That’s good. She can go get fuel.”

“On her own?” Maxine enquired, looking sceptical.

“She’s strong!” Sam defended, “I saw her pick up Jack once. And she was tipsy at the time. She can handle carrying some fuel, right?”

She shrugged in response, which was good enough for Sam.

“Okay,” He rose from his chair quickly, knocking over his (thankfully empty) mug as he did so, “I’m going to go find Five. I’ll be right back.”

Maxine didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye as Sam scurried out of the comms shack, the door slamming behind him.

-----

The Sam that returned to the shack seemed like a completely different person from the one who left. He now walked slowly, with a permanent crease fixed between his furrowed eyebrows. He walked past Maxine without even acknowledging her as he thumped down into his chair, looking into the distance.

“Did going over to the runner’s dorms really get you that out of breath?”

“Hmm?” Sam replied, finally looking over at the doctor. She had a slight smirk on her lips as she took in Sam’s appearance from top to bottom. His cheeks were so pink that they were almost glowing, and he seemed to have a sheen of sweat on his forehead.

The room was silent for a few seconds as Sam’s brain tried to catch up with what his friend had said, finally letting out a small ‘ha, yeah…’ as a response, then looked back down at his papers.

“So...” Maxine said slowly.

“So, what?” Sam replied defensively, still staring at the exact same spot on the paper.

“Five?”

He looked up again in confusion, then realised what she was alluding to.

“Oh! Yeah! She was… um… in the shower.” He babbled.

Maxine placed the pen she was using down on the table, “Her shower slot is in the evening. I know because I see her there when I go for my showers too.”

“Yeah, um, I meant she’s- she was… sleeping.”

Turning in her chair, Maxine levelled Sam with narrowed eyes and folded her arms, trying to see through his lies. This silence lasted for about five seconds before Sam broke it.

“Look, she’s just… she’s busy, okay? I’ll just… I’ll look for another runner. It’s fine. It’s nothing.” His arms gestured wildly as he spoke, his eyes darting around the room.

“Why are you so flustered?” An amused lilt became present in the doctor’s voice.

“I’m not!” She raised her eyebrows at him, keeping her arms folded as she waited him out again. This time, it took only three seconds for him to crack. “It’s… I’m… It’s private!”

Maxine’s glare immediately softened at the idea of gossip, “Was she getting changed?”

“No!” Sam exclaimed loudly, surprising both of them, “No.” He repeated, at a more acceptable volume, “I didn’t see anything.”

“But there was something to see?” She goaded.

“No, nope, nothing, nuh-uh.”

“So there was.”

“No! I… It’s…” Sam spluttered, before taking a small breath, “Don’t you have work to do?” He accused.

“Oh, this is way more interesting.” Maxine said gleefully, revelling in her friend’s discomfort. He scoffed as she continued with her interrogation, “So… she wasn’t getting changed… Was she having sex with someone?”

“No! She wasn’t… with anyone…”

When Sam winced at his choice of words, Maxine thought through his response. Suddenly, it clicked.

“Wait! Was she masturba-”

“Shhh!” Sam exclaimed loudly, the blush on his cheeks intensifying as Maxine laughed.

“It’s only us in here!” She chuckled, amused by his embarrassment.

“Just don’t talk about it!” He begged, covering his flushed face with his hands.

She ignored his request completely, “Didn’t you knock?”

Sam moved his hands away, looking almost insulted, “Yeah, of course I did! She must’ve not heard me though…” He trailed off.

“Or maybe she did, and she wanted you to see?”

Sam recoiled backwards as if he’d been slapped, “What?”

“Oh, come on,” Maxine said sarcastically, “You guys are always flirting with each other-”

He groaned loudly, he did not have the energy for this lecture again. He suspected that it was slowly becoming Maxine’s favourite topic to tease him about. She continued on as Sam dropped his head onto the desk, the collection of papers only softening the thud slightly.

“We are not talking about this.” He mumbled, his voice slightly quieter due to the fact that his face was pressed against the table.

Maxine continued on, seemingly powered by her partner’s misery, “You were gone for about ten minutes, it doesn’t take that long to walk to the housing. How long were you standing at her door for?”

Sam’s head lifted immediately off the table, his eyes wide as his brain absorbed the last thing she had said. Maxine raised her eyebrows at his reaction, waiting for a response which finally came.

“We are definitely not talking about this.”

Maxine let out what could only be described as a cackle as Sam grunted in frustration and threw a highlighter at her head, which she expertly dodged. She then grabbed a nearby pencil and threw it back at him, hitting him square in the (still blushing) cheek. Before their shenanigans could become an all-out war, the door to the comms shack swung open with force.

Janine walked in, immediately frowning at the two people in front of her who looked up at her like two children ready to be scolded. As she took in the scene, the corner of her lip raised slightly for a millisecond, before straightening once again.

“Dr. Myers, Ms. Marsh needs your assistance in the hospital. Nothing major, but she says she felt a muscle twinge in her back as she was helping plant some seeds in the farm earlier. She would like you to take a look to make sure it’s nothing serious.”

“Of course.” Maxine replied seriously, her playful side immediately taking a back seat as she stood and walked towards the door.

Sam let out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding as the two women walked out, thinking that he’d been spared.

Then, Janine halted in the doorway and turned around to face the operator, “Have you sent someone for the fuel run yet, Mr. Yao?”

Damn, didn’t quite get away with it.

“Not yet…” He said under his breath.

“Well? Do so now!” She ordered, “I believe Runner Five should be available during this time of the day.”

Sam thought he’d managed to keep his expression neutral, but as he heard Maxine snicker as she left, he knew he hadn’t.

-----

Sam shuffled outside of the dorm that belonged to Runners Four and Five, brimming with nervous energy. He’d been standing there for a few minutes at the least, judging by the fact that multiple other runners had walked past him in the corridor with quizzical looks. When he saw Runner Fifteen for the third time (once to go to the kitchen for food, once coming back with the food, and now coming back with an empty bowl), he decided it was time to bite the bullet.

He knocked loudly this time, so forcefully that the door seemed to rattle on its hinges.

“Five?” He shouted through the door, “It’s Sam. Can I come in?”

“Yeah!” Came the immediate reply, making Sam nervous. Was she still… indecent? He opened the door, keeping his gaze focused on the ground as he walked in. When he began to speak, it was as if someone had pressed the fast-forward button on a remote to make him talk at double speed.

“I need you. For a supply run. For gas. It’s for Janine. Well, I mean, it’s for the whole township since the gas benefits everyone, but Janine’s the one that asked you to go. I mean, she didn’t ask for you specifically. Not that she wouldn’t want you, you’re probably the best runner we’ve got. Oh, no, shouldn’t have said that. Not supposed to have favourites. Not that you are-”

“Sam?”

His head snapped upwards, finally looking at the runner. Five was still lounging in her bed, covered up by the threadbare blanket as she had been during his first visit. She seemed… relaxed. Satisfied, almost. As soon as his brain started supplying ideas of why that would be, his cheeks began to flush again. Then he remembered that she had said his name.

“Yeah?”

“I’ll go.” She seemed to be holding back a smile, but before he could analyse that any further, he just nodded and broke eye contact.

“Great. That’s great. Very helpful. I’ll be waiting in the comms shack then. You can… get yourself ready.”

And with that, he scurried out of the runners dorms before anyone could realise the state he was in while leaving the room that Five was occupying. There were already rumours about the two of them, and that would only add fuel to the flame.

-----

About a quarter of an hour later, Five strode into the comms shack with confidence, snatching a headset from the makeshift charging dock. Sam watched her like a hawk, looking for signs that she knew that he… knew.

“I feel so much better after taking a nap,” Five started as she turned the headset on, then placed it over her ears, “it makes me feel so refreshed and energised.”

Sam stayed completely still, moving his gaze to the screen in front of him and staring intently at the monitors, even though they were displaying no activity whatsoever. He wondered whether what she’d said had meant to sound like a euphemism, but kept his mouth shut just to be safe.

Five was unaware of the operator’s strange behaviour as she fiddled with the sides of the headset so it wasn’t so loose. She continued on, “Once you get one under your belt, you have a much more productive day.”

Sam swallowed a gulp. Was that a euphemism too?

“Do you like naps?”

His brain seemed to short-circuit for a moment when he realised the runner was waiting for a reply. Did she mean actual naps or… what she had been doing earlier? Well, either way, the answer was still the same.

“Yes.”

——-

Sam clenched his fists as he heard Five during her run. It had been about ten minutes and he was already wishing that the run was over, for his own sanity. Listening to her  breathing through the microphone (as low-quality as it was) usually doesn’t bother him, but now he can’t stop thinking about how her breath had sounded similar when he walked in on her earlier. Little, gasping breaths. Over and over again.

“Oh, God.” She said breathily.

He closed his eyes tightly, biting his lower lip. That definitely didn’t help where his mind was going. Sam shook his head as if that would make the inappropriate thoughts dissipate.

“Sam.” She spoke up again in the same breathy voice.

He held back a groan. Would that be what she sounded like if she said his name during-

“Sam! Zoms!”

“Shit!” He opened his eyes and focused on the screen in front of him, indeed spotting multiple zombies right in Five’s path. He snapped into serious radio operator mode, instantly forgetting the thoughts from earlier as he helped his runner out of danger.

-----

The door to the comms shack swung open, the (mercifully still alive) Runner Five placing her headset to charge as she let down her hair from the ponytail, a few strands sticking to her sweaty, flushed face.

She spoke quickly and energetically, still feeling the effects of the adrenaline, “That was a close one, huh?”

Sam fiddled with his hands nervously, not having enough courage to turn in his chair and look the runner in the eye. “I almost killed you.” His voice was quiet and nervous.

Five scoffed, “Not on purpose!” She saw his shoulders hitched up to his ears and his hands clenched. She moved closer, “Hey, look at me.” Sam’s eyes flitted upwards to look at her, guilt plastered all over his features. “I’m okay. I’m good.”

“Yeah, but you could have not been!” He exclaimed, surprising Five with his loud voice.

“Hey, you were doing your best-”

“No, I wasn’t!” He interrupted frantically, “I was distracted and I need to talk to you about why or else I’ll keep thinking about it.”

Five looked at him with narrowed eyes, “Okay.” She prompted, “Talk to me then.”

He gave a big sigh, breaking eye contact again as he mustered up the courage. “I saw you.” He admitted quietly. “When you were… in your bed.”

“I know.”

Sam’s head snapped up immediately. She knew he was there? Was Maxine right? Did she want him to see?

Five continued, “I talked to you. Are you okay?” She scanned his face with a concerned look, “You look kind of hot. Are you running a fever?”

Sam sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “No, not then. Before that.”

“Before?” She wracked her brain, “You mean a few days ago? When you gave me back that DVD you borrowed?” She shrugged, “Look, it doesn’t matter-”

Sam decided that he had to say this now, before Runner Five graciously gave him a way out. He cut her off, the panic coursing through his veins making him speak louder than intended.

“I saw you masturbating!”

In the same exact moment, the comms shack door opened to reveal Jack and Eugene. The latter had his mouth open wide in shock, whereas the former had a grin on his face like he’d just won the lottery.

“We can come back later.” Jack mused, laughter present in his voice.

“Yeah,” Eugene added, once he’d gotten over the shock, “No-one listens to us anyway.”

The pair shuffled backwards in unison, erupting into giggles before the door had even closed fully. Sam risked a glance at Runner Five to see her reaction, but she kept a straight face, nothing giving her away other than the fierce blush on her cheeks.

“I’m so sorry,” Sam began, bolting up from his chair to stand in front of Five, “I didn’t mean to. I promise. I was heading over to ask you to go on the run. And I knocked! Just not loud enough, I guess. And once I realised what was happening, I closed the door and left. And I wasn’t going to tell you because I didn’t want to embarrass you or make you upset. I’m so so sorry-”

“It’s okay.”

“And I-” His jaw snapped shut, “What?”

The runner rolled her eyes, “I said its okay.”

“Wh- I- Um- Wh-” He stammered.

Five continued with a small smile, “I have to strip after every run so a doctor can check me for bites. I’ve been walked in on in the shower more times than I can count. And on my second week here, I was out on a run with Three and he just dropped his trousers and started taking a leak in a bush without warning me first, and that is something I can never unsee.” A chuckle bubbled up through Sam’s chest without meaning to. Five grinned at the melodious noise and continued, “Modesty is long gone. Its okay, I swear. And I appreciate you telling me.”

Sam let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and gave a relieved smile, “Okay. Sorry again.”

“Stop it, I said its fine.” Then a cheeky smile came across her face, “If you really want to make it up to me, you could give me your portion of baked beans next time it’s in the canteen.”

He laughed, happy to still be on joking terms with his runner after this whole incident. “Done.”

Five gave a reassuring pat to Sam’s shoulder, then turned to head out of the comms shack. While walking out, she couldn’t help but make one last comment.

“Or, if you’re not willing to give up your beans, we could always have a role reversal instead.” She said nonchalantly, closing the door behind her.

She heard Sam’s coughing through the door even as she walked away.

-----

i’m so embarrassed to post this aaaaaaa

[ambitionsource]

did you guys ever have voice casts for the characters? like people/singers you think the characters would sound like n all that? if so would you mind sharing them?

This is such an interesting question... admittedly, Es and I hadn’t really thought about it! We especially just think about the actual actors for those who already sing, but we can provide a couple other samples for each person if it intrigues you to know! Let’s see...

FARKLE | Corey actually does sing -- though not often in this version of reality -- but I do believe he has some professional training. We think of this song he’s recorded in particular, which I think is a really good example of how he sounds circa S1 in my head (this song is actually a bop. The YT version cuts out like 20 seconds too early but I found a version on Tumblr last year that was full so now I have it on my phone LMAO let’s go 2015 Corey). Anyway, it’s that pretty stereotypical power tenor vibe. A couple more comparisons I suggest are:

Jonathan Groff -- I think Jonathan Groff is the best comparison I can make. He’s theatrical, he has a pretty impressive range, but he rests pretty comfortably in the natural tenor range. Like he can do Kristoff one minute and King George from Hamilton the next, and I think that is equitable to Farkle’s range. The man key is that he’s a powerful vocalist. I think Farkle’s true center of his voice has a higher resting place than Groff, but it’s close enough. Example track: Bohemian Rhapsody. One of Glee’s best and an amazing display of Groff’s vocal range in one track. Farkle could match this beat for beat, flair for flair.

Chris Colfer --��I think that the flair Chris Colfer brings to a lot of his performances on Glee match well to Farkle’s vocal stylings as well (which is why he’s done a few performances with that version), but to be clear, I think Colfer’s voice is softer / higher than Farkle’s. It’s more about... emotion and inflection here than tone. Example track: Not the Boy Next Door. Farkle did this on the show, so you know we endorse it. This was also the track Esther brought up when I asked for her opinion.

Brendon Urie -- I think that Urie’s range is really akin to Farkle’s. I don’t think Farkle has at all the same kind of flair or inflection that Urie does (and Farkle is obviously more Broadway than radio), but on certain tracks I think it’s pretty cross applicable. Example track: Dying In LA

I’ll continue this under a read more to spare everyone who doesn’t want to read on because clearly this will be lengthy LOL.

RILEY | I have not heard Rowan sing since the thinly attached source material theme song days, so I honestly don’t think of her much as Riley’s voice (though I think she could do it if trained for it). Especially because of all the mains, Riley is one of the ones who is meant to be less trained and unimposing. For me, the most important quality to Riley’s voice is that it’s not overwhelming. It’s beautiful, and leaves an impact when you listen, but it’s never going to be Maya or Zay’s big, brassy vocals. And that’s fine. That’s what makes it unique in the landscape of the show (and why it appeals to Lucas rather than turns him away). A couple more comparisons I suggest are:

Amanda Seyfried -- I admittedly only know Seyfried’s work in the first Mamma Mia film, but she has the right delicate soprano that I envision Riley having. It’s like... a lilting, soft thing that’s enjoyable to listen to but can escalate into strong belting if needed and handle it effectively enough. Example track: Thank You For Music. Literally a perfect track for Riles.

Phillipa Soo -- Another great example of a powerful soprano player. Case in point enough that we’ve had Riley do a Eliza Hamilton song on the show already. Gentle and gorgeous, but sharp and intense when it needs to be. Example track: Burn.

mxmtoon -- First of all, let this be my plug that everyone should listen to mxmtoon. I love her. She has this lovely gentle voice and her instrumentation is so good. Her EP dusk is gorgeous and I cannot recommend it enough. But she is a great non-theater example of what I think Riley’s voice is like. She varies between ukulele and piano, and everything is just really understated and nice. Example track: show and tell.

MAYA | This is easy. I literally don’t have to say like anything. She just is Sab. That’s it. Like Sab is a phenomenal vocalist and she’s brassy and bold and has range and that’s all Maya is. Like literally that’s it LOL. If you need examples, hit her discography, but I’ll specifically highlight “Sue Me,” “Looking At Me,” and “Diamonds Are Forever” aka the Sab songs we’ve had her do on the show.

ZAY | Zay is an interesting one, because I don’t really think he fits any specific category in my head. He kind of defies definition. He definitely has a brassy swing to him that allows him to pull off showstopping numbers (like his Kossal audition with “Ain’t No Way”), but he can pull it back and reshape it to fit breathtaking musical theater renditions (like “Music and the Mirror”) or banging contemporary (think “Consideration” or “Self Control”) in a way that I don’t think Farkle or Maya can. He is the most vocally versatile of the bunch, and that makes his comparisons sort of wide-reaching as well. I’m not really familiar with Amir’s vocal ability outside of rap (so at least we know he can do that), but based purely on what I hear in my imagination, a few comparisons:

Leslie Odom Jr. -- A younger and less polished Odom, to be clear, but this is a big one for me. I think Odom’s vocal strength and range is so impressive, and what really strikes me is how... grounded and resonant his voice is. That’s a big thing for Zay for me -- you never doubt he’ll be able to support his vocals and that they’re strongly rooted. If he ever cracked or ran out of breath, it would be a shock. This is also really tied to Zay because of how much I would kill to see him perform “Wait For It” and how I feel like it’s such a Zay song. But anywho... Example track: Wait For It.

Frank Ocean -- Ocean has such a cool interesting range and does a lot of things with his performances vocally, so that’s why he’s on here in that he also defies definition. I think Zay also considers Ocean a musical inspiration, so it makes sense that he would adopt or emulate some of his style. I feel like he also translates emotion well, which is a key Zay trait too. Example track: Godspeed.

Amber Riley -- Now hear me out here. Obviously, Zay is a baritone and Amber is like a mezzo soprano / alto / what have you, but the reason I’m listing this Glee legend as a comp is because the quality of her performances is so sharp. It’s like, any time Amber performed on the show it was jawdropping. Her vocal runs are insane, the power behind her vocals is awe-inspiring. She captivates you from the first note, and that is why I always think of Zay. That’s how it is when he performs too, especially in moments where he’s trying to sell it (like his Kossal audition). I wouldn’t be giving my authentic comparisons if I didn’t mention this. So there. Example track: And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going (I would sell my soul to see Zay perform this. Please. PLEASE. Maybe I’ll crowdsource with Charlie and we’ll both sell our kidneys).

CHARLIE | Speaking of Charlie, he’s an interesting one, too. I honestly didn’t really... have a concept of how he sounded in my head, but then when I learned that Tanner sings, it was not at all whatever was deep in my head. But I love his voice, so I think I kind of ended up reconfiguring my perception of what Charlie sounds like around that revelation and now I’m still kind of trying to figure out exactly what that sounds like in the context of the show. The thing is, though, I think Charlie also doesn’t really know what his style is (LMAO), so it’s okay that we’re experimenting a little bit. Like in S1, the few times he sang, it was all over the place but mainly radio. Then in S2, he did predominantly musical theater duets. And now in S3, we’ve really just gone all over the map (from punk-rock opera with “Superstar” to bubblegum pop with “Party For One”) and there’s a lot of fun in that. Where Charlie will land, I don’t know yet, but I will share with you all Tanner’s only recorded song at this point and you all can start to orient yourselves from there. But a few other ideas to get the ball rolling:

Norbert Leo Butz -- Now here’s the thing... Charlie doesn’t sound like this LOL. The reason I’m including Butz is because I started writing about Jeremy Jordan and his rendition of “If I Didn’t Believe In You” and Jordan’s rendition is truly just so inferior that I realized no, I really don’t think Charlie sounds like Jeremy Jordan. So then I ended up here, and you know what, here’s the thing. I think an older Charlie would sound like Norbert Leo Butz. Like, give him 10 or so years, and this is where he’ll settle. To a degree at least -- I don’t think he’ll ever go quite as brassy or bold as Butz can lean sometimes, but the way he like... emotes through his vocals feels extremely Charlie, and the range is about right in terms of voice part. Anyway, give him 10 years, and then get to the point with this amazing example track that is one of my favorite musical theater tracks ever even though I hate the character who sings it. Example track: If I Didn’t Believe In You.

Oshima Brothers -- The shape of the O bros vocals don’t quite match how I hear Charlie in my head (they’re a bit too flat), but the essence of their performances resonate with him very strongly. It’s that gentle, soft-spoken acoustic vibe that I think is so core to Charlie’s performing delivery, which is part of why he’s so consistently overlooked even when he proves time and time again that he can bring compelling vocals (i.e. Haverford’s semi-finals setlist). Example track: Cadence.

Harry Styles -- It’s funny to think that if Charlie saw I was comparing him to Harry Styles he would lose his shit, but I want to be very specific about why and under what conditions I’m including him as a comparison (as he’ll show up on another person’s list too). I think Styles specifically works as a comp for Charlie in regards to the general tone and quality of his voice, in particular when it is on a softer acoustic (like “Cherry” or “Sweet Creature”) and when it’s more upbeat (like “Lights Up”). Like I’m not out here being like Charlie is as good as Harry Styles LOL, but I think the core qualities of their voices are similar. Especially when cross-compared with the other examples above along with Tanner’s actual voice. Example track: Sweet Creature.

ISADORA | Isadora is an anomaly of sorts, since she’s that character archetype where they never expected to be a singer but then ended up being talented anyway (Asher is in the same box). I tend to imagine her with a defined alto register, and a slightly huskier, gravelly tone as compared to Maya’s polished, trained vocals and Riley’s gentle, chime-like resonance. So it’s like... gritty, in a way? I have never heard Ceci sing, though I’ve been told she has once upon a time, but I am working basically from scratch in regards to how I imagine her. So without further ado, some comparisons I suggest:

Jorja Smith -- I think Jorja is the most Isa-like track we’ve had her do on the show thus far, to my brain at least. She has this charming edge to her vocals even when they’re on the softer side which is exactly what I envision for her, and I think there’s such a strong definition to when she jumps into her lower register. Whereas with Isa, I think it would be the same, but reaching into her upper notes would be even more of an audible stretch. Example track: Don’t Watch Me Cry.

Dua Lipa -- Another strong alto here, which automatically tracks Isadora for me. Dua especially has that husky quality I was describing. I would recommend all of her Live Acoustic EP to get a sense of what I’m highlighting most as a comparable, but it’s just that like... slight grit, gonna-kick-your-ass alto excellence. It’s so hard to articulate so I hope you get what I’m saying LOL. Example track: Tears Dry On Their Own Acoustic.

Madison Reyes -- I don’t know how many of y’all have watched Julie and the Phantoms yet, but it’s fun. And Madison has a great voice, which made her another good comp for Isadora. Same thing of like that unpolished but compelling belter, slightly gravelly quality. Example track: Wake Up.

LUCAS | Obviously, Lucas doesn’t sing all that often. And when we do give him songs, or roles in songs, most of the time it’s of a variation where he can more talk-sing the words than actually Sing. But he’s not totally exempt, so he deserves a comparison. For me, it’s like... the way Lucas would tell it it’s like he’s the worst singer ever in the history of the universe and you should never hear him, but honestly he’s like. Fine. He’s not great and he would never have gotten into the school for singing, but he’s not terrible. He’s passable. When he tries, it’s charming. I think the biggest key that makes him different from everyone else is he doesn’t have much of a range -- when I pick songs for him, I always try to go for ones that kind of stay within the same octave or register for the entirety so it’s almost like monotone singing, because that’s about what he can handle decently (his performance in 211 being an exception, of course, because it had to be). So, comparing accordingly:

Harry Styles -- I warned you he’d be back again, but this criteria is even more hyper-specific than Charlie. I think Styles is a great comp for Lucas in the very limited tracks where he is not showing off in any capacity and is really just keeping it stripped down and to the point (think “To Be So Lonely”). His cover of “Girl Crush” is another good example of what I mean. It’s basically like the same 4 or 5 notes and very little movement or flash, and his voice kind of takes on a grittier, flatter quality which is what I’m aiming for. Example track: From the Dining Table

That’s really it honestly. He doesn’t perform enough to warrant much else. You get the idea lmao.

ASHER | Although we didn’t expect it back in the days of S1, Asher has certainly jumped up to take spotlight in terms of performing in the last couple of seasons! Ricky (along with Liam) are actual singers and were together in a band for several years, so there’s no doubt they can sing and I think of their voices most often (in particular, I recommend the “Compass” music video, because it’s a good song and allows you to actively see which boy is singing what). But admittedly, Ricky’s handful of solo tracks since FIYM went on hiatus are average at best (and his lyricism... king you need Liam to write your lyrics LMAO), so I don’t usually jump to his music as examples of what I think he -- or Asher -- is actually capable of. So with Ricky’s good vocals as a base, here are some additional comparisons:

Ruel -- Cannot stress this one enough. There’s a reason Asher’s true initial debut was Ruel’s best track (”Younger”). He just has that perfect like... strong tenor with soft edges that feels very teenage twink and very Asher. It’s not quite Diva!Asher flair, but at Asher’s most base vocal style, I think Ruel is the perfect match. Example track: Down For You

Troye Sivan -- Same kind of traits here in terms of like smooth tenor, and in this case it actually is a certified twink singing so the crossover is even more apt. I don’t think Asher is as... electronic as Troye’s production often is, but the general range of his voice is close enough to be considered a match. Example track: 10/10

DYLAN | So same FIYM video shared in Asher’s applies here as well, but I think what works so well about Liam’s voice in regards to Dylan is that I think the key trait to Dylan is that he’s not flashy. When I think about Liam’s voice (and I love his voice, he’s my favorite FIYM member), I often think about when Sue on Glee called Quinn’s voice a “soft, forgettable alto,” but only it’s a tenor and I mean it in a nice way. The most endeared way. Dylan is less about being impressive and more about just like... character. His voice is not the best in the bunch but you can feel how him all of his performances are through his inflections and his energy. That’s what Dylan vocally feels like to me. So aside from his soft, forgettable tenor on the second verse of “Compass,” here’s a couple other niche comparisons for Dyl Pickle:

Princeton in Avenue Q -- Whenever “Purpose” comes on shuffle, I think about Dylan because of how distinct and energetic the delivery of the song is. There’s just so many little quirks and inflections and moments of fun within the vocals, and that reminds me so much of how Dylan performs. Little laughs, free-wheeling runs, stuff like that. Example track: Purpose.

Graham Verchere -- This dude like isn’t even actually a singer and he isn’t that big an actor, but I love love love his rendition of “Thirteen” with Grace VanderWaal and every time I listen to it I think about Dylan and Asher. It captures the other end of Dylan’s range for me (the soft, forgettable tenor thing) in the sense of like... imagining Dylan plucking out songs for fun on his guitar while hanging out with Asher and then playfully serenading him and the two of them doing a carefree, easy duet like this. I just love it. So I’ll include it. Example track: Thirteen.

[kaypeace21]

Do you have any meta/theory on the significance of the cleric/paladin d&d characters vs wizard/dungeon master. Is maybe one more Will and Mike's relationship and the other their role in the story as a whole? Sorry if you already mentioned this and this is redundant

Yeah, I’ve talked about it before. But why not talk about it again? It’s been a while- and Will’s recently published journal (plus st tweets) added more to this symbolism

The Duffers used Will and Mike’s d&d classes to say they’re soulmates! XD

Will in all 3 seasons identifies as a wizard- he even writes on the mixtape he makes “will the wise- wizard mix” (which is a different class than clerics). Even in s1 Will’s castle byer’s password was “rhadaghast” a lothr wizard.

But in s2 Mike (the paladin) says that Will is a cleric. Meaning this reflects how Mike (alone) actually feels about Will. In d&d, they have similar moral values, powers, and generally need and depend on each other in the lore of d&d.  Mike says Will is a cleric,despite Will still identifying as a wizard in s3, since it shows how deeply Mike actually feels about Will.

It shows he views Will as one of the only people who understands him and views him as a his moral compass 

“ strength of conviction gave many paladins a sense of common fellowship but did not always endear them to others. In many cases, paladins did not get along quite as well with other non-paladin adventurers, with the exception of clerics with similar beliefs.”

“A Paladin tries to hold to the highest standards of conduct, but even the most virtuous Paladin is fallible. Sometimes the heat of emotion causes a Paladin to transgress his or her oath (of honesty, courage, compassion, honor ,and duty). A paladin who has broken a vow typically seeks absolution from a cleric who shares his or her faith or from another paladin of the same order…

“The paladin might spend an all-night vigil in prayer as a sign of penitence, or undertake a fast or similar act of self-denial.”

“After a rite of confession and forgiveness, the paladin starts fresh.”

“Using the ‘lay on hands’ power, paladins can grant their comrades (or themselves) additional resilience with a touch of their hands and a short prayer, though they must give their own strength to do so.”

And Mike calls El a “mage” which wasn’t even a class in D&D (in the 80s)- A line he says to Max about zoomer (who he doesn’t like) …so… how much do you want to bet Mike was the one who made him and Will matching by giving him and Will “lawful good” (since this is writen in his starter kit). And he already ignored the fact Will is a wizard. 

But in Will’s recently published cannon journal he also does this- he keeps Lucas (Ranger) , Dustin (Bard) and his own character (a wizard) …but he changes Mike to a cleric !!!

Because Clerics have the strongest of healing abilities

Mike thinks Will brings out the best in him. And Will thinks Mike as someone who helps him heal. So they both call each other clerics.

D&D also represents their romantic relationship

when they fight in s3 Mike says “I’m not trying to be a jerk. We’re not kids anymore. I mean…what did you think? That we’d never get girlfriends. Play games for the rest of our lives?” And the truth is that’s actually what Mike wants- which is why he was upset about Will trying to give away the d&d game . And why he still has all of Will’s d&d pictures on his basement’s wall (which he’s kept on his wall for years- despite removing the old poster from the wall). And during Hopper’s speech, when it pans to Mike , Hopper says “I miss playing games every night.”

* He also caresses Will’s  d&d drawing- when he thinks he’s dead- and has a binder filled with every d&d drawing Will has ever given him.

 In the first ep - Will  admits he rolls a 7 (since he couldn’t lie to Mike)-  and in the last ep of s1 (they show us Mike smiling at Will right before Will rolls a 14- since they’re 7s together.) Mike even apologizes to EL saying “sorry I sound like a 7 year old.” When talking about how all 3 can play with toys & right after talking about Will visiting to play. and mentions Will’s rolls as a way to convince Lucas to help him look for him.And Mike even mentions Will rolls as a way to convince Lucas to help him look for him in the first ep.

Mike in the last ep in s1 ,writes a d&d story for Will.  in ep one Will tells Mike “it was a 7, the demogorgan it got me.”At the end of the season Mike writes a whole story of him and his friends killing a 7 headed monster, and showing the decapitated head of the monster to king Tristan (Will). Similar to how at the hospital he tells Will to not worry cause “it’s dead now”. This is right after Will rolls a 14 (cause Mike and Will are 7s together). And Mike who is a fan of starwars has King Tristan give them medals after killing the monster. Cause he wants Will/king tristan (instead of Leia -a girl) to present him with medals and be his romantic love interest (and praise him for being a hero)…

In the pilot, they even say Will uses d&d to “escape” his insecurities about his sexuality “like mike” & Mike uses d&d to “escape�� his insecurities about not having a gf.  * And no, dustin & Lucas didn’t use d&d to “escape” anything- in the pilot script.

Mike angrily yells “El’s not stupid. It’s not my fault you don’t like girls” to himself- cause Will hit a nerve when saying mileven was ruining their friendship - because a part of Mike is trying to use El to put distance between him and Will . Dustin in s1 foreshadows the fight, saying “all you want to do is spent time with her… and you know it and he knows it. And nobody says anything until you’re yelling at eachother like goblins with intelligence scores of zero.” (Another  d&d ref/ ‘love makes you stupid’ ref.).

And also, maybe a part of him resents how Will is making him feel. So he says this whole speech , in the garage, to himself - to keep his romantic feelings for Will under control ( expecting Will to agree with the heteronormative statement). Which is why he was so shocked when Will (who he assumes is straight) and he expects would agree -  instead says “yeah, I guess I did. I really did.” (about never getting gfs but instead being together for the rest of their lives). 

And the  “crazy together” scene (which is romantic since both Mike & Flo both equate love making you ‘crazy’. Flo says “ only love makes you crazy and that damn stupid”). And the ‘crazy together’ scene also has a zoom-in on Mike’s d&d game.

(x)(x)

Mike and Will both love each other (and El is just confused). He wants to be with Will- but he’s scared. The Hopper dialogue even says “Lately, I feel like you’re pulling away from me or something? I miss playing board games every night.” Mike was upset when Will gives the game up- but Will says “I’ll just play with yours when I come back… if we still want to play?” In other words- the ball is in Mike’s court- if he wants Will, he has to initiate it. Because Will assumes he was “stupid” to think he had a chance. Mike is also acting “stupid” because he’s pushing away Will despite loving him, and hurting him in the process (the opposite of a cleric).

But Mike in s4 will admit his feelings to Will… since after Will says this line, Mike asks

“Yeah, but what happens if you want to join another party? ” (find someone else (‘another’) before that- the other ‘species’, or just someone else: girl, guy or otherwise?”

But Will decides to make himself vulnerable and just be honest,  and shyly admits “Not possible” (much to Mike’s happiness)

so yes- this tweet is about byler

They even answered the question of ‘what makes Mike crazy’ with one’ joke’ response - of Will asking about d&d. And in a separate post made fun of mileven by ending it with “can we just play d&d?”

And when, Mike and Will open up to each other about their mental-health issues,  that’s when they both agree that no matter what they’ll be together- “crazy together”. It’s a double entendre - they’re crazy cause they’re in love- but also “crazy” and will be “together” to help each other through their issues.  This theme is double-downed on in Will’s cannon journal (where it’s established “crazy together” is shown to be Mike & Will’s thing- not mileven’s). As Mike tells Will to tell him when he’s having ptsd episodes since- they're “crazy together”.

*Will draws Mike’s d&d character next to the sticky-note. And we also see throughout Will’s whole journal- Mike’s d&d character is always by Will’s (d&d character’s side). And on the cover of his journal Will ONLY draws his and Mike’s character- cause they’re “crazy together”.

Mike specifically says to get him when he’s having ptsd episodes about the mf (which represent Will’s se*ually abusive father- theory here/ here).

That’s what love is - like Flo said only love makes you “crazy” and “stupid” and this is only applicable to byler.  Mike and Will love and  bring out the best in each other-  heal each other. Being “crazy together” to Mike is about being selfless and wanting the best for you partner’s happiness no matter what- with mileven it was simply a way to excuse his poor behavior to El (under the guise of ‘love’).

 For all the supernatural stuff to stop , Will has to face his trauma and heal. This involves having a strong support  (of friends and family) and Will learning to not hate himself any longer, because of his past abuse and sexuality. And to stop correlating his love (for Mike) with his past abuse/trauma (represented by the monsters. And Mike and Will have to embrace their love for each other. And let go of their shame. When Will ‘dies’ in s1, Mike hugs his mom ,and  Heroes plays, and the lyrics are “and we kiss as though nothing could fall and the shame… was on the other side.” In s1 the term “other side” was used to describe the upside down. So it’s saying Will’s shame relating to Lonnie will eventually be on the other side, and so Mike and Will kiss ‘as though nothing could fall’. In Will’s journal he even draws Mike’s d&d character again with the caption “never Kenny Roggers”. This is because Jonathan asks ‘who would you rather  be friends with David bowie or Kenny roggers?”. And Heroes was originally sung by David Bowie- making the byler hint of this being ‘their song’, more apparent. The cannon Will-comic is even titled  the “other side” and Mike is on the opposite end (‘the other side’ waiting for Will who is trapped in the upside down looking up at the imposing figure of the demogorgan). The demorgogan in blue light and mike in opposing red light. The monsters Will created are based on the d&d game and his prior abuse at the hands of lonnie. But byler’s love is also represented by d&d- and thus the only way to stop it.

gif credit: cath-avery 

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Symbolism in TWB 1x01: Brave + AK Mentions Beth

Okay, I said I’d talk about symbols I saw in The World Beyond premiere. I won’t go into too much detail about these symbols or what they may mean. It’s really too early in the story to decide how they will affect the characters or the arcs. I just want to point out that they’re there and then I’ll share something I just saw yesterday that is proof that they correlate symbolism between the different TWD series.

Here’s what I saw in TWB. I’ll link theories I’ve done on each of these beside them:

The biggest thing that jumped out at me from the get-go is them saying that the girls’ father is helping the helicopter people (CRM) do research for a cure. That’s really huge, guys. It means that if we’re right that Grady was a part of them (and we totally are), the Cure Theory just became a reality. (Cure Theory)

Lots of mentions of the Omaha colony. Remember in S2, right around Beth’s suicide arc, there was an episode called Nebraska. Nebraska references have been around for a long time.

School buses were very prevalent. (X)

Felix’s friend was named Huck. Huckleberry Finn reference. (X, X)

Hope flips off Elizabeth the first time she sees her.

Hope also visits a graveyard with white flowers.

Silas is an interesting character. No idea where they’re taking him yet, but at one point he was wearing headphones (music) and holding yellow flowers (think Alone).

They’re receiving forbidden messages from their father via fax machine (Communication theory).

They call the security guards (i.e. Felix) pigs.

Hope brewed a bunch of illegal alcohol. It doesn’t say it was moonshine, but still. 

Julia Ormond’s character is named Elizabeth. I know Beth’s name isn’t short for Elizabeth, but I still feel like this woman will be a massive anti-parallel to Beth. (And a parallel to Dawn.)

When the sisters were kids and “the sky fell,” they were dealing with a plane crash. We’ve seen a theme for that in FTWD, and many of us believe planes are synonymous with helicopters symbolically. Just think machines that fly. (They also have symbolic correlations to birds.) (X, X)

I definitely saw potential parallels between Iris and Hope as sisters to Maggie and Beth. Their mom died back near the beginning and they were raised by their dad. They’re very close. And there’s a whole backstory about how that night, they got separated and Iris feels like she let her sister down. How her sister had to face things along and Iris wishes she would have been there to help her. Possibly a parallel to Maggie leaving Beth behind. 👀

There’s the blue spray paint that a Nonny sent in about a while ago. In the show, they’re “tagging” walkers with the paint in order to study their migration patterns. Being a geek, I actually think that’s really interesting. But the blue is symbolically important. In terms of TWD, there are all blue coolers we’ve seen, and plenty of other blue symbols @frangipanilove​ affectionately calls “blues clues.” In terms of FTWD, Alicia was painting trees the exact same shade of blue last season, and she painted phoenixes on them as well. 👀 (Blues Clues Theory Here)

I also saw parallels between Felix and Daryl. Huck was talking about someone named William and, at first, I mistakenly thought William was his brother. That’s what made me think of Daryl. They talked about William in much the same way Beth and Daryl talked about Merle. Asking if he “missed” him and such. We also learn that Felix had terrible parents that dealt him a bad hand, though we don’t know what that bad hand was, yet. Sounds like Daryl to me. As I said, I was mistaken. William is actually Felix’s boyfriend, not his brother. But the parallels remain.

There was an “are you serious” line between the girls. Not sure what to make of that, yet. It may apply to them, demonstrating their father returning to them, or them leaving to find him but returning at a later date. Or it could be a Beth thing. Time will tell.

There was also a few instances of the “just gone” theme.

This next thing is something of a tease, but in the show, the girls are headed to New York because Elizabeth told them their father is there. No idea if they should be trusting that intel, but they are and that’s where they’re headed.

So, the interesting thing about this is that @frangipanilove has a theory about New York. I’m not going to hash it all out here because she’ll probably post it at some point. I’ll just give you one hint: New York is often referred to as The Big Apple.

But the funny thing is that she told me about this theory about a week before TWB aired, saying that New York might be important for Beth. So I sort of gasped when they mentioned New York in the show. It’s something we’re going to be keeping a close eye on.

Okay, so as you can see, we’re definitely seeing TD symbolism in this show, which might suggest Beth returning through it. Let me address that for a moment.

As disappointed as I was that she didn’t show up in 10x16, the way they’ve set up the story here makes perfect sense for how Beth might return in this spin off. I’m not saying she will for sure. I’m just saying it’s a strong possibility, and I will continue watching the series for more clues.

These kids are heading to New York where members of the helicopter group and various scientists are working on a cure. That just screams Beth to me. And then there’s all the Beth promotion and social media hints we’ve been getting lately. If they were about TWB, rather than 10x16, the timing still makes sense.

My fellow theorists and I also talked during the long hiatus about how weird it is that they never aired TWB. I’m still not sold on them not being able to air 10x16 on time. But even if there’s something behind the scenes that I don’t understand, TWB was 100% done by the time CoVid hit. It would have been a good way to tide fans over until we could get more regular TWD episodes. But they wanted to wait.

We’re still not sure exactly why, but our theory was that they wanted to wait until 10x16 aired before showing TWB, because they would connect in some way. Given that Beth didn’t show up in 10x16, we don’t know what that connection will be, but it may still be the case.

Okay, finally, a member of my facebook group @rabia, sent me an article that’s, well, kinda super-cool. In it, an interviewer asks Angela Kang if Maggie’s earrings in the episode are keys and if they might tie to the key communities in FTWD.

If you study AK’s response, the answer is pretty much no. She kind of babbles and stumbles through the answer, saying she doesn’t know what earrings Maggie is wearing and she’ll have to look into it.

Now, we always laugh when they say things like this. Angela knows EXACTLY what earrings Maggie is wearing and what they mean, as evidenced by the fact that she says she doesn’t and then goes onto explain what they mean. Lol. Yeah, she totally doesn’t know. 🙄

Now, we don’t know what the earrings actually are. We’ve tried to zoom in and the shot just gets blurry. But we’ve theorized crosses, birds, or possible boat anchors.

But then look at AK’s further response. She says what Maggie is wearing are bits and pieces of lost family members. People have already noticed her wearing Glenn’s wedding ring, but AK specifically mentions Beth. That’s kind of huge. Because whatever the earrings are, AK just confirmed them as a Beth symbol.

What I actually wanted to show you in relation to TWB symbolism is that last line. She says that “in this case” they weren’t trying to tie the earrings to another one of the series. Which means that there ARE cases where they do exactly that.

And I just wanted to show you all this so you understand why we also look for symbolism in TWB and FTWD. Even though there are different writers and showrunners, they all operate under Gimple as the “chief content officer,” and thus the symbolism runs through every show in the franchise.

I’m working on a mega theory that probably won’t be done for a few weeks, but when it is, it will show more effectively that the same story and templates are being used across every show. So stay tuned for that.

That’s it for today. Thoughts?