#(which in most cases means 'very close; don't force the separation' but when it comes to hyuuga twins......)

[kegareki]

"rei," you might ask, "why the fuck are you making genin teams for the parents in naruto? why are you giving them jounin-senseis and intended specialties?"

my answer is "i cannot fucking tell you. to torture myself i guess"

[yanderes-galore]

Can I request a yandere Garnet (SU) concept? Thank you

Kept it mostly platonic as I just view her like that. I'll take feedback on this as she is... surprisingly hard to yandere properly.

Yandere! Garnet Concept

(Ruby + Sapphire)

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Controlling behavior, Jealousy, Manipulation, Violence implied, Isolation, Dubious companionship/relationship.

Considering the nature of Garnet already being a relationship, I feel she'd be more platonic to her obsession.

Not only that, but she'd be so stern and protective too.

Garnet isn't always emotive, although some aspects of Ruby and Sapphire show through separately at times.

She tries to think rationally like Sapphire, but sometimes loses her cool like Ruby.

Most of the time Garnet is calm with her obsession.

You could throw a fit at her and she'll take it... only to scold you later.

As long as you don't try to hit her, she can tolerate your outbursts.

The only time I can see Garnet as romantic is a very rare case where she likes another Gem.

In that case she'd want to try fusion with them if it meant she could keep you with her.

She'd wait until you're ready, however.

But let's be honest, based on what we've seen in the show, she isn't interested in that with many.

She'd be more likely to protect you platonically because she sees you as family or a close friend.

Garnet is an unnerving yandere as you can't read her all the time.

She's deadpan towards most around you... including you at times.

There's times you'll want to hang out with others, like friends or maybe a partner of your own, only for Garnet to step in with an unreadable expression just to say one thing.

"No."

That's it, nothing else.

She's really good at shutting down things she doesn't want you doing.

There's times you're allowed to be with other people, she wants you to have some other bonds.

But she doesn't want you to ignore her completely.

I have a feeling you can't really argue with her, either.

She'd want her obsession to respect her and her decisions.

Essentially, you listen to her or she makes you if she feels it's for the best.

She's the type of yandere who would "mom" her darling.

She's usually level-headed so most of what you do won't break her composure.

She isn't always stern and stoic, though.

Sometimes she's genuinely caring, wanting to let you know she does care for you.

That she loves you.

She does what she does because she wants to cherish the bond you have with her.

After all, Garnet knows quite a bit about bonds.

Most of her obsession is this protective guardian role.

She tries to be very understanding with her obsession.

Due to the nature of Garnet viewing relationships as sacred, she wouldn't want to rush anything with her obsession.

Doing so would lose your trust.

She is fine with acting like a guardian to you, as a Crystal Gem she's used to such a thing.

She may be protective and stern... but she would want her obsession to come to her when they were ready.

She knows getting you to love her by force will only hurt you both.

Ruby may be overly eager about having you accept them, but Sapphire is careful to keep them both calm.

If you're a Gem then they try to be even more patient... Unstable fusion will hurt you even more.

Garnet, out of most Gems, is one of the more patient yanderes.

Bonds take time to develop and locking you away certainly won't help.

Ruby is no doubt the half that feels the most jealousy when they see you interact so well with others.

Sapphire knows they shouldn't be jealous of you having other people you enjoy.

Sapphire knows you'll come to them at some point and see they care...

They just need patience.

Although... they do fear you'll never come to them...

I can see Ruby and Sapphire splitting because of their differing beliefs throwing them out of sync.

They have different obsession types, which means if they get impatient... they can't be Garnet.

Ruby's scared you'll never love them the same way they do you.

Ruby wants to show you how much they care, to the point she may be too reckless and scare you off.

Meanwhile Sapphire fully believes in waiting.

She wants Ruby to calm down, to give you time.

You may be confused when you see the two out of fusion, concerned even.

Completely unaware that you are the reason they're having a fight.

Eventually the two may make up, both loving you and wanting you happy.

Sapphire has to calm Ruby's jealousy... but soon they'll be Garnet again, ready to give it another shot... hopefully.

Garnet would stick by you regardless of how you feel.

It's really hard for me to view her as toxic as Garnet herself is a pretty healthy relationship in my eyes.

She believes in love being comfortable for both parties and would wait years for you.

Even when she's impatient or jealous, she can usually calm herself down.

She's been around for years as Garnet, she'd wait as long as she had to in order to gain the affection of her obsession.

When you finally think you can be there for her, Garnet would welcome you with open arms.

Her most toxic traits are a subtle jealousy towards others along with being overprotective.

Anything more toxic causes Ruby and Sapphire to split until something resolves the issue.

I am struggling to make her toxic while being in character....

She'd do just about anything if it meant you'd be protected.

Protecting you is her way of loving you.

Her obsession could hate her and she'd probably still try to be encouraging with them.

Garnet may be intimidating... but she's actually one of the better yanderes in my eyes.

She mellows out both Ruby and Sapphire's traits which makes her pleasant to be around.

She seems controlling and overbearing, but genuinely cares for your feelings.

She'll let you take your time.

If you aren't hers in the end, then she'll maybe nudge you in the right direction.

If you're a Gem, she may offer fusion to show she cares for you... that she wants to include you.

If you're human, she protects you in whatever way she can.

She'd do anything to have you happy and protected.

Even breaking her composure if she sees you get hurt.

Garnet can be ruthless when protecting those she cares about.

Imagine if you see her shatter a Gem to protect you... or maybe have blood on her gauntlets.

She sees her overprotective tendencies as caring for you.

You may be scared of her, or maybe even hate her, but she's willing to wait...

If you're in danger, she'll isolate you with the rest of the Crystal Gems.

Even if you aren't in danger, she may still isolate you to prevent any potential danger.

She'll still give you your space, She'll even say she loves you... but you can't go out on your own.

She feels bad that you aren't happy all the time with her... If at all...

She hopes it will change... but...

As long as she has you in the end... and you're safe...

Then she'll accept loving you from afar... until she can't take it anymore, that is.

[cityof2morrow]

Mod Organizing & Load Order Shenanigans

Published: 5-1-2024 | Updated: N/A MOD ORGANIZING During the [first] "pandemic summer," I started reorganizing my game folders. I also started  a "conflict management" list, containing all the known conflict info from download pages, new conflicts I discover while playtesting, etc. It's 44 pages long at the moment....a testament to my unapologetic mod addiction. I encourage all simmers to keep a list like this. It’s very reassuring (and handy!) to be able to look up known conflicts or keep track of mods which have been merged (duplicate files can break your game FAST!).  **I won’t be able to share mine at this time but most of my info comes from the same pages where I download CC/mods - shout out to the creators who take the time to include this info.

MY LOAD ORDER(S) I number my folders and use mostly lower case filenames to force the load order I want – these were the most important changes I made re: how I maintain a heavily-modded-but-still -very-functional game. With few exceptions, this has been much more effective than keeping track of the number of z's and cases. It also means I don't need to rename downloaded files - I just put them in the right folder. When I played exclusively on mac, I learned that numbering the store cc folders was the ONLY way I could get all the content to work. I never figured out why but I imagine it was because the mac series doesn't include expansions required for some of this content.

DETAILS (the codes) I put that grad school debt...I mean...those grad school research skills to good use and made up my own codes. Here they are... 0= files needed in every save aka my "essentials." These include repair files, shader/UI files, CEPs, global probes (like scriptorium, money globals, inteen checker, inventory checker, etc).

1= mods that do NOT need a load order, some OFB-themed sets I want to keep separate from other CC - like the #co2bellabrand or upcoming #co2cdkseries stuff.

2= mods that require a hard load order. As @episims writes HERE, this only works for mods with non-game-breaking conflicts between them. Only the last mod in the sequence will retain ALL its intended functions. The code for this section goes like this: [number]-[what the mod deals with in-game; i make sure to consider alphabetical order]-[load order number] -name of the mod(s)

I have several global mods that need to load as close to LAST as possible. These folders all start with "2-z-[load order #]-." The "2" tells me they need to load in a certain order and the "-z" makes them load after all the other #2 folders.

See Object Freedom 1.02 (@fwaysims, 2023) and Shiftable Everything (@lamare-sims, 2022) both load at #78? I don't have them BOTH in game at the same time, but giving them the same number ensures that the right load order stays no matter which one i'm paying with. 3 = build mode and neighborhood deco/defaults

4= buy mode

"ts1," "ts3," and similar labels = content that was converted for Sims 2.

5=CAS/bodyshop

OTHER DETAILS I also label folders with certain "type codes" - these tell me things like whether they add permanent data to my saves (custom memories, careers, foods, etc. do this) or whether they are maxis-match. Here are some examples:

-BIN = mod files which go in the program folders -DEF = default replacement -MEM = this content includes custom memory data -MM = maxis-match or an add-on for default game furniture -ADD = content that is not maxis-match -NPC = this content includes or changes one or more NPCs -FIX  or -EDIT = this is a fixed or uniquely edited version of a pre-existing mod -BETA and -TEST = this mod is unfinished and/or a test version Remember, conflicts do not always mean something has to be removed from your game, nor are all conflicts unresolvable. No matter what kind of method(s) you use to organize your game – it’s just important to try/have at least one in the cut.

CREDITS Thanks: Episims, PleasantSims, and all simmers who include load order/conflict notes. Sources: Beyno (Korn via BBFonts), EA/Maxis, Forcing the Load Order of Mods (whoward/Pick’N’MixSims, 2021 via sims2tutorials), Image(s) (Alexander, 2016), Offuturistic Infographic (Freepik).

...Oh and yes...I AM in fact an INTJ/Capricorn.

[mollysunder]

you’ve talked a few times about the possibility of viktor and jinx interacting, how would you like that to happen? Sorry if you have already talked about this in a post and I missed it

It's no problem anon! I actually did write a post or two related to what your asking, though I guess those posts are more about the external emotional forces that push them together, especially when you throw in other Zaunites like Ekko into the mix.

I have bunch of first meeting scenarios I swish around in my head for these two. I've thought of them first meeting on separate missions to break Singed out of Stillwater. Maybe Sevika could take in Viktor because without out Silco, she has to scramble for resources from desperate people. Viktor would only learn about Jinx through Sevika's perspective, but when they finally meet Sevika's own biases against Jinx makes Viktor less willing to look to Sevika for support.

I've even wondered if they could first meet in a scene that directly parallels the way Viktor and Sky first met, except they're positions are reversed. Viktor is positioned at a higher elevation than Jinx, while she looks up at him with a face that betrays how curious and intrigued she is by the hexcore. In this case, their respective curiosity/desperation would help the two close the gap between eachother.

I would want that kind of scene to represent what Jinx and Viktor's relationship would do to eachother. Viktor would pull Jinx up from her own head into seeing the larger world for what can be done outside of her militant war against Piltover. While Jinx is the one to give Viktor the permission to sink lower from the Ethos, because he has found someone who will accept and even support his path no matter how depraved it could get.

Honestly, I don't need anything fancy. My most simple wish might be that in their first meeting I want Viktor to tell Jinx he's sorry that she lost Silco, and mean it. I want them both to only have known of each other in passing before this first official meeting. That way Viktor already knows what she's rumored to have done and what she's capable of, and still Viktor can extend his empathy towards Jinx and her pain. Jinx would already know the Zaunite half of the hextech duo, either from Silco or Singed, whose business is to know about these things.

In that moment, Jinx could be genuinely taken aback. The immediate aftermath of Silco's death would have probably brought out swaths of vultures and sycophants either trying to get in her good graces or get her out of the way to take over Zaun. It's just mob of faces trying to play into an idea they have of her, and here's Viktor, who I'm sure doesn't have much to his reputation, which in fact might be really negative when he first returns to Zaun. He not only left for Piltover and left against his will into an territory with high anti-Piltover sentiment, he's also associated with a WILDLY unpopular councilman among Zaunites, Jayce. All Viktor would be is just a guy with big ideas and very little anything to do in Zaun, coming to Jinx with nothing but an uncommon sincerity... and a ominous hexcore.

I think if Viktor lays it out like that, not asking for anything but just be willing to see Jinx's turmoil and offer basic comfort, I think she would be willing to do the same in turn. Jinx could offer her own empathy at Viktor's recent exile from Piltover and the overt abandonment he feels from Jayce and everything they built together (and wow doesn't that sound familiar). Something like, "Sorry they tossed you out" to sympathize with him. I think it'd be very awkward and plainly strange moment, but still comforting because they've both found someone to SEE them and empathize with the disorienting position they've been placed in.

If the situation next season weren't so frantic I would want them to meet at Silco's funeral, either Singed or Sevika would officially introduce them. And I like the season to wrap up where Viktor's become the new defacto leader of Zaun in a similar vein to Silco, because Jinx and maybe Sevika enabled his rise to power like how Mel did for Jayce. I'd add more detail but this reply's long enough and the explanation deserves a whole other post.

[welcometoteyvat]

thanks for sharing the post. have the user blocked. hate it when people apply western (e.g. english) practices and cultures to other practices and cultures. it is not the same :( either way, what is the canto accent? i am not a native chinese so i don’t know what’s the accent they gave gaming. could you explain (if you can!)

oh no problem i don't think it was like a terrible post on the relative scale of internet takes, but op pissed me off lol like a native canto speaker spoonfeeds you info and you just refuse to engage with it. it's not even being curious it's just dense as hell. they eventually came around but man the reading comprehension-

anyways the canto accent—idk how to describe it tbh. some of the syllables sound more canto? like the way they're broken up and which words get more emphasis etc. tons of ppl (on bilibili) said it sounds like very realistic/authentic "guangpu" which is shorthand for cantonese accented standard chinese. the best example of this imo is when he says 本领嘛 (běnlǐng ma) in the suanni papercut teaser; the stress/emphasis on each syllable like separates them a lot more than in mando? ben and ling especially sound sharper when he said it, like if you use more force w your tongue/lips to pronounce the b and l sounds. i am not a linguist so this could be completely off (but there's more unrelated talk about canto vs mando under the cut)

the more explainable thing he does is use phrases that aren't used in standardized mandarin. 我埋单(wo3 máidān) ("my treat" in eng dub) is a canto phrase—i think(?) mandarin speakers would say 我结账 (wo jiézhàng). 埋 means bury in mandarin, but in cantonese it can mean to close/settle (accounts), or come together (as in closing a wound). closing the check in this case ig. importantly 埋单(canto) and 买单(mǎidān, mandarin) do not mean the same thing (unlike i originally thought haha), even though the tones are v similar

he also says 勤力点 (qínlì diǎn) during the suanni trailer which i assume would be 尽力点 (?) (jìnlì diǎn) in mando, they both mean the same thing (to work hard) it's just diff words. qin is the first word of qinkuai 勤快, hardworking

his 喔 (wo, filler word) and 哪(na, also filler word, except he says it like 那哈 na ha to me lol) also just sounds so canto jfsdkfj. they both exist in mando and are used but idk the pronunciation sounds a bit diff?

DISCLAIMER: this is all written by a mando only speaker. I watched the trailer and just listened to everything gaming said that I've never heard spoken in mandarin before, then searched it up to see if it was actually canto, but I do not speak Cantonese. if any of this info is incorrect please tell me, i don't want to spread misinfo. thank you! <3

cantonese vs mandarin rambling utc

more about how the accent differs: I thought about this q a bit and ended up searching for canto text to speech. This likely won't help much, since ga-ming spoke accented mandarin, not entirely cantonese, but if you're curious and want to hear the differences between standard mandarin and canto, you can go to https://fanyi.baidu.com/#zh/yue/ and paste some chinese text into this, and click on the speaker/audio button at the bottom of the text boxes to hear it spoken. the left is mandarin, the right is cantonese. if you'd like you can also paste the text into google translate, which will give you the mandarin pinyin. i extracted some of gaming's most noticeable lines here if u wanna try. Honestly, it might be more helpful to listen to his lines in mandarin and then listen to gaming's version to see if you can hear any differences, because his audio from the livestream is a lot closer to mandarin than cantonese

舞兽戏 你们听说过没有 (said in standard mandarin, beginning of 4.4 trailer)

舞兽戏在沉玉谷地区还是很有名的喔 (at 0:10, 4.4 trailer)

去新月轩喝个早茶怎么样？(std mandarin) 我埋单 我埋单 (at 0:31 in the 4.4 trailer)

本领嘛 多学多练 勤力点，总能行的。哪，你看文仔也觉得对喔！(1:38 in tidings of an auspicious beast)

"所以是真的吗，老先生" is the one other thing he says in the suanni PV, but there's a very slight difference that i don't know if i'm hallucinating it

there are 2 more lines that I didn't include (his skill and burst voicelines) but i can't tell if there's much diff in his accent. his skill sounds a tad diff but idk if im just not familiar with the words L

[sonicasura]

I come with a humble offering.

Kaiju No.8 x Pacific Rim crossover

Warning: I don't know much about Pacific Rim.

There are two types of Kaijus, those with cores and those that are coreless. The ones with cores are the usual Kaiju No.8 Kaijus, the largest among them are as tall as fairly tall buildings. They are pretty much everywhere in the world. Because of their size and obvious weak point that would immediately incapacitate them once destroyed, these Kaijus are disposed of by the local DF.

The coreless Kaijus are the ones from Pacific Rim. In this crossover I'd like to say they're much larger than a building. They need to be lethally wounded to be killed, like chop their head off. They have much slower regeneration compared to their cored counterparts, a factor being their sheer size and the energy required. Coreless Kaijus only appear from the ocean and their emergence is much easier to detect than that of cored Kaijus.

Weapons wielded by the defense troops are either too small or too weak, with the only exception being some numbered weapons. Even numbered weapons still have difficulty because of the sheer size difference, the human wielders still have to somehow get out to sea to fight them or get rid of them as quickly as possible when they get near the coast. Numbered weapons and suitable wielders are few in number so not a very good idea. Which is why they're handled by a different division, the Jaeger pilots and their respective Jaegers.

I think that both Jaeger pilots and defense troops are pretty much all under the DF collectively as two different divisions. Just that off duty Jaeger pilots are sometimes put to use in the defense troops because coreless Kaijus appear at a lesser rate. There is definitely a rivalry between the divisions.

Kafka qualified into the Jaeger division for the sole reason of him being uniquely drift compatible with nearly anyone. He's just very easy to synchronize with, but he does get the non dominant pilot position quite a lot because of his lackluster combat ability early on. He's pretty much a backup partner in case someone in a pilot pairing is out of commission for one reason or another.

This wasn't the position he wanted, but it was better than nothing. He'll still be with Mina, just not as close as either of them would've liked. Maybe, if he works hard enough he could apply for a division transfer.

He still gets turned into Kaiju no.8 when he's in the mainland and off duty. It's not something he can really hide as a Jaeger pilot since mind melding means sharing memories.

The reveal happens much more early and this time it's the entirety of the Jaeger division defending and vouching for their emotional support Kaiju/dad-friend. They know the inside of Kafka's head like it's the back of their own hands. Even as a Kaiju this guy can't hurt a fly.

I also think if any of the Jaeger pilots tried out numbered weapon, they'd immediately be able to detect if there's still a conscience in the suit. They're the most knowledgeable when it comes to having someone else in their headspace.

In all honesty, this is just my world building ramblings mostly. Haven't really figured out what'll happen to the usual kn8 characters and how most stuff is gonna work but I'm gonna throw this in anyways.

Honestly what you got so far is very solid. The Defense Force could be separate from the PR's Defense Corps as even though they both fight kaiju, there are different protocols alongside combat styles for each. Also there's a potential rivalry between the Jaegers operators and field officers though. Especially during joint exercises as the higher ups don't want any rivalry become bad blood.

I don't know why but I imagine Kafka's kaiju form being much bigger since Pacific Rim kaiju need more effort to kill since they have no cores. Definitely takes a while for him to realize he can make it human size but the default size proves helpful in training new pilots. Also Kafka just being a massive dork as a kaiju and the Jaeger Division being used to it.

They totally call him 'BFG' so much it becomes a codename whenever he has to go No.8 mode on the field.

[hexfloog]

How does Kaitou react to evil conan?

Kaito is lucky, perhaps, to be as uninvolved with Evil Conan as they come. Since the AU follows the canon timeline pretty closely they only run into each other just twice before things get bad on Shinichi's end and it splits off.

Depending on your perspective, I suppose that makes it worse (for Kaito). Shinichi and Conan are already separate by the time they meet during the Black Star heist, but not yet separated (with Shinichi still mostly calling the shots), so the impression KID has of Conan is mostly the same. But the next time they meet-- Magic Lover's Case-- Conan is at the helm, and even though they're face to face for just a few minutes, it's enough time for Conan to establish himself as a different person than was at the Black Star Heist. Even if they only meet twice the difference between them is night and day, is what I mean, and I think Kaito is sharp/observant enough to notice that. Outwardly, I don't think he'd react very differently at all, but... well... to most people, sudden and extreme changes in behavior (especially in children) is disconcerting at best.

For better or worse, though, Kaito is the same thing to Evil Conan as he is to Shinichi: his greatest rival. For the sake of this AU, this is how I think they cooperate so well during the first encounter against him, "enemy of my enemy is my friend" and all that. But unlike Shinichi, Conan treats him more like prey-- he certainly doesn't entertain gentlemen's agreements with him-- and has a heck of a lot more power to play with to force him into that role, so when Shinichi is no longer able to hold him back...

Two encounters isn't much to go on, but I think Kaito's shell would have cracked a little if they had met a third time. Conan only gets worse as time goes on, so it's only natural to be unsettled (if not alarmed) by his behavior. And it's what he wants anyway, especially from someone like Kaito. Again, I don't think he'd do anything differently, but at the very least he'd be forced to be more cautious, especially in light of Conan's Very Real supernatural abilities (which would inevitably come to light during their repeated encounters). I guess I'm basing that reaction off the way he's been shown to respond to Akako and her abilities, but Akako toes a funny line between friend and foe, while Evil Conan leaves no question that he is to be considered a serious threat.

Anyway! Sorry this took so long ;^; The truth is I wanted to draw something to respond to this instead, but I think it's safe to say I've abandoned the WIP at this point.

Thank you for the ask!!

[lumpsbumpsandwhumps]

I personally use "creepy/intimate whumper" like "ATM machine": a single full phrase that may be a little redundant but catches people who don't know the M already means Machine, so to speak (though I think "intimate" is the more useful of the two words since a lot of horror is "creepy" in a lot of ways that Aren't That, and some whump at the intersection of the venn diagram with horror can be those too).

Or maybe it's more like "naan bread"? Some people just use creepy, some other people they've never met just say intimate, someone reads both their works by chance and figures whatever *they* go on to write is something both those (seemingly, but probably not really) separate audiences would like. Bread a la India, creepy a la intimate.

"Yandere", however, I think very much has romantic connotations. I'm sure it's occasionally used elsewhere, but I wouldn't personally unless that's the precedent I want to promise I'm following (I don't...want people to read my distinctly parental/teacher-flavored whumper as romantic, for example. you can say "it's already fucked up, what's the harm, we're all freaks here" all you like, but it's less that and more wanting my boundaries to be respected - which seems to be the case with many people who harp on their work not being viewed as A Sex Thing even if you the reader are turned on by it - it's projecting an *intention* they *do not have*, and then often subsequently insisting that they're "just in denial" or "lying" when they clarify that intention, which is ABSOLUTELY crossing a boundary).

Vibes-wise also I feel there's a sense of scope to it? Like when I hear "yandere" I imagine a focus on the initial meeting and/or "falling in love" (whether or not it's romantic), the stalking/obsession before you get to Kidnapping Classic or full-scale murder (if ever), the victim/"love interest" having time or at least a chance to interact with people the yandere sees as rivals for their affection before (again, if) they decide that can't be allowed to continue...like if the story starts and they're already in captivity I wouldn't call it yandere unless it's romantic.

TLDR I think creepy vs intimate is somewhere between convergent game of telephone and concentric circles on a venn diagram (with "intimate" encompassing well enough what people tend to mean), but "yandere" is at least arguably its own circle. Probably nested inside both "creepy" and "intimate", but not including all of what either of those means.

See, I dunno, in my beautiful smooth brain I still just can't grasp the difference between yandere and intimate whumper (since we all seem to be in agreement that creepy/intimate whumper are close enough to the same thing). To me, they're both the same vibe of "some kind of attraction being forced onto whumpee that also causes physical/emotional distress", which is then a catchall for romantic, platonic, and/or sexual interest that a whumper might have. Yandere I would say has the broader scope of what type of attraction it could be, whereas intimate whumper is romantic/sexual (not platonic).

But I've also been into yandere for years so I'm used to all the flavors it comes in, like familial love or romantic love or protective/obsessive love or best friend love -- it's just any kind of love sickness, not necessarily romantic 100% of the time (although that's typically the majority). People who aren't into the yandere scene probably assume that's the only vibe it comes in though, so I can see why they would think that's exclusively where it falls and don't consider it to align with other tags. Similar to how some yanderes can be soft and sweet with their darling, while others can still be just as cruel and painful, which is where the "intimate whumper" falls into place.

Anyways for the most part I'm pretty sure we're in agreement that there's a good amount of overlap between the three tags (:

[saltyladynightmare]

Jiliu AU Part 9.3

First, Previous, Next, Masterlist

A/N:

so. This was done awhile ago, but I forgot to post it. Here it is. Good news is Part 3 is finished, and is only waiting for my Beta. Part 4 is also mostly done. Part 5...is outlined.

I don't think there's anything that needs warning in here, beyond my best attempts at grammar, but let me know if that is not the case. Enjoy!

~~~~~~

As it turns out, bonding with six people, however extraordinary, was not enough to relieve the pressure of being Extra Force Sensitive. As such, Anakin still could not safely leave his tiny little room without his brain trying to eject itself through his nostrils.

Not that he had actually tested that—contrary to popular healer-medic belief, Anakin did prefer life, thank you—but he could feel his hypersensitivity to even the searing hissing contempt of the padawan meal bringer, and the sharp swirling of his men's emotions.

Naturally, this did not mean Anakin couldn't feel the walls closing in on him, inch by excruciating inch. Because of course, he was Anakin Skywalker and nothing went well for him.

After he had made all of the arrangements he could, he had spent the night in deep conversation with no less than seven different holocrons. It had been fascinating, but he really needed to talk about...all of it with Rex. Talking to Kix probably wouldn't be a bad idea either, for that matter. Specifically, he wanted to talk to them about the...boost he wanted to give to them. They would be able to tell him if what he had in mind was welcome. Or insulting. The—his?— men could view it as insulting, as Anakin was insinuating they, as they were, were not enough. From a certain point of view.

Anakin curled his fingers in the hem of his Healing Hall robes, trying to squeeze the shaking out of his extremities by sheer force of will. It only worked a little, as the jitters moved from his extremities, both flesh and durasteel, all the way up to his shoulders to shutter down his spine.

He could really use a long session of moving meditation. Or a spar. A spar would be nice. Something, anything, burn off even a tiny bit of this excess energy humming through his veins would be welcome. But Anakin didn't have his 'sabers, or even a stick to do his katas with, and while he could do them open handed, he also still had to think about the many IV needles in his elbow keeping him sufficiently fed and hydrated. Exercising when attached to sharp thing inside your veins was never a smart idea.

Anakin just wanted to think again.

Which may or may not explain why the next morning Kix and Rex, having come to his tiny room for seemingly the sole purpose of fussing at him, caught Anakin staring contemplatingly at the wall separating his room from the shielded hall at oh-excruciating-hundred in the morning.

How they had gotten past all of the Healers out in the Halls, Anakin didn't know, but he wasn't about to question the competency of Captain Rex and CMO Kix of Torrent for all the Sunbeetles on Tatooine when they were glaring at him like that.

Kix took one look at him, and demanded, "Just what do you think you're doing, General?"

Anakin's eyes widen on their own accord, and his mouth dropped open. "Uh—"

This was how Jesse and the squad of nine following him found General Skywalker eating his breakfast meekly while CMO Kix watched over him like he was a particularly foolish Shiny, and Captain Rex looked on with faint amusement.

~~~~~~

Over the next couple of days, Torrent didn't sit idle, even as most of them waited for their turns to bond with Anakin.

They had discovered, through one very bad no good downright horrible instance they will likely never talk about again, it took a few hours for the new bonds to settle before the bonds were ready to withstand the strain of being stretched by both distance and artificial shields, as if they were hot sufficiently settled, it could snap. Thankfully, no one had died so they could learn that particular lesson, but they would definitely not be repeating that mistake any time soon.

This meant he got a solid four hours with each squad of Vod'e.

Anakin, when he paused long enough to get his bearings, spent most of his time carefully not questioning why so many people were so willing to bond with him. He didn't understand, but he was also beyond the point of caring.

He was in their heads. Not a single one of them meant him any harm. They were even happy, that he wanted to bond with them. He was still awed, every time he reached for them, only to find they had already initiated a bond.

In the mean time, he was learning a great deal about his men as they went about their business.

Nausea and his three fellows, who were almost as vicious at cards as he was, had been unleashed on the various underground sabacc rings in the lower levels. All four of the card nexu had been part of the squad Anakin had bonded with after the Command Staff in a blatant display of Rex's frankly terrifying planning skills. Jesse may have helped, but Anakin had no doubt Rex was making most of the decisions.

Guide had needed to give the four a rather intense crash course on Gambler Etiquette, like the necessity of loosing every so often, even if on purpose, so one is not blacklisted from that particular gambling ring. They had taken the lessons well, if not gracefully. The four of them were making a killing, as expected.

Coric and Jaded, also part of the squad with the card nexu, had joined Kix in his quest to gleefully wringing the best deals from Anakin's connections in the medical side of the Black Market, and other, more legal acquaintances, using the credits the nexu were collecting in frankly awe inspiring speeds.

Some of the Vode from the other squads help the medics and first aid specialist by collecting tradable goods the three could then use to get what they otherwise couldn't extract with credits and determination. Slip and Fase assisted them in this endeavor.

Ridge and some other Vod'e had begun making progress on contacting various people who'd arrange for the delivery of the food. They succeeded, even though elite soldier training did not include how to order supplies from civilian businesses. Shocker. Needless to say, as each squad rotated through his room to accept his bonds, there were many troopers who got a crash course on professional comm etiquette.

Hardcase and Denal had decided to divide and conquer, last Anakin had heard.

Hardcase had gone to one of the weapons dealers Anakin 'did not know' and who definitely did not owe him a favor or ten. The last time he had commed Jesse with an update, Anakin had taken one look at his grinning face, and decided he did not want or need to know what made the gunner grin like that, and left Jesse to it.

Denal had gone to Padmè's handmaidens for advice as Anakin had suggested. When Anakin had heard from him, well...he had looked down right gleeful, talking about knives that could be hidden in hair, and such. Anakin decided the biliyan-like vod could keep the knives the handmaidens had no doubt actually given him, so long as Anakin didn't have to know anything more.

Plausible deniability, or some such.

[erinhime83]

This is another case of updating designs for older stories because the older designs annoyed me. Not sure how I ended up on In Search of Freedom, but, uh, it was sort of dangerous that I did. ISoF is another story that I could potentially redo in November. I mean, it's not a crazy anniversary, but it has been five years.

Not much changes about the characters per say in this version. I mostly want to tweek the plot a little based on a few things that I would like to change since figuring out a few things about the story. You know how it goes - you imagine certain scenes for so long that you have to write them, but you realize that they don't really work? So you write them in the first draft just because, and then go back and rewrite to make everything better. I think that's what's going on with this story.

I know I've been aging people up in my other stories, but I'm not sure if I really can with this one. Illy's supposed to be young and impressionable at the start of the story, which is why she just sort of goes with the flow as everyone treats her horribly all the time. Even more so after Dracen's coronation. Fifteen seems like a good age for that. IDK, I think I'llkeep them young.

I really like Illy's new peasant design. It's simple yet cute, and very peasanty, lol. I keep staring at it in awe, I love it so much. So pretty.

Leon's design is great as well. I like the idea that their generation basically combines their old style with Artemisian style, since they all grew up as Artemisians. But they still want to retain some of their old culture. The result is something like this, and I like it.

Evangeline is one that changes the most in this version. For one thing, I decided that the elves have Asian features, and that the old Apollon style was Asian influenced because they were close with the elves. Her home life is a little less depressing and a little more tragic. The Apollons and the elves coexisted perfectly, and her parents are actually married and her father is a good and kind ruler. However, when Evangeline was five, news of Artemisia coming the annex them reached the Apollons, and Duke Edward, rather than fight and get his people hurt, decided to just hand over the town to protect the people. But the elves retreated into the forest as not to be used by the Apollons, which also included Evangeline's mother. (She's still in contact with her mother in this version, however, meeting occasionally). Prior to the start of the story, Duke Edward is sent out on a ridiculous crusade by Magnus, leaving Evangeline in charge. She's not officially a duchess, but the people refer to her as such.

As for her design, she, too, has the Apollon/Artemisia influence in her clothes, but mostly because she's forced to because of her station. I really like the hairstyle I gave her, figuring she couldn't do anything drastic with it thanks to being Artemisian nobility, but still finding a way to mimic the edgy Apollon hairstyles. I really like her design. She's pretty.

Dracen doesn't really change much, either. I took away her cloak, and it makes a world of difference, lol. I've always like his design - it looks regal. I think the biggest change I'm making to him is the fact that he's, well, not sleeping with a bunch of noble ladies each night (he's still somehow a virgin) despite Magnus' best efforts. Illy suspects something's up almost immediately after his coronation since his personality changes drastically, but she chalks it up to the stress of ruling a kingdom.

Nora, again, doesn't change. She's still Illy's handmaiden who gets teleported with her mistress to Apollon, although with Illy's undeveloped Seraph powers, she teleports them separately. Nora gets a job as a seamstress in town under Illy's insistence, which she finds she enjoys more than she wants to admit. She want nothing more than the serve Illy, however. I originally had her in something else, but it irked me that she looked higher class that Illy did, which Nora would not stand for, even if Illy was living with farmers and Nora was living in town, lol. But I like this, and I imagine that she took influence from her own place of birth as to throw people off that she's actually from the capital. She's cute - I really like this.

Davin, again, doesn't change much. There wasn't anything to change about him in the first place. I don't really have any explanation as to why his hair is silver, although maybe he has a little elf blood in him? I think I might go with that. Like with Evangeline, he can't go too crazy with anything thanks to being an Apollon Knight and needing to visit the capital every now and then. But that's fine. He grew a goatee to stick it to the man, lol.

Magnus doesn't change, either, except I gave him a beard because I pictured him with one and, lol, now he looks like Jeremy Irons and that is not a bad thing at all.

I made it a point that the Artemisian style seems to be darker than the Apollon style. I liked the thought that the were colorful to begin with, and kept that tradition, since the Artemisians never really did anything after acquiring their village.

I also included what Illy and Dracen's tattoos look like. The ones on their hands are their Seraph marks, which is why they looks exactly alike, whereas the ones on their wrists are the ones used to identify them as royals, which is why they looks similar, but are different. Its actually very unusual that Dracen has a Seraph mark at all, since males typically don't inherit the power, but his power is definitely weaker than Illy's which is why he's influenced by Magnus and she is not.

These designs are really making me want to rewrite this story, lol, since they are so shiny. So pleased with how they turned out. :D

[coping-via-clint-eastwood]

Physical Affection Headcanons for Gil Grissom

(A/N: Because I'm super in love with him and need all the self-indulgence I can get.)

- Okay, first of all, LOOK AT THIS GUY.

- You can just see that he is so GENTLE.  You know that his hugs are the most comforting, and his touches are the most delicate.

- But, I should set some details right before I get carried away any further.  The setting up is gonna be in the past tense, and once it reverts to the present tense, you'll know it's over.

- You started out as friends before dating, so you were already used to shaking hands, hi fiving or fist bumping if Gil was up for them, and even hugging each other once he was familiar and comfortable enough with you.

- But with the shift in the relationship, things became a little different. Previously, your hugs were brief and reassuring, like how Gil hugged Catherine and Warrick.

- You both noticed the changes in how you felt when you became more nervous to touch each other because your touches became more inherently romantic. You stood directly next to each other, so much so that the backs of your hands were rubbing against each other's, and you interlocked your fingers.  Touches on the arm lingered before being retracted with great reluctance.

- Your hugs became longer, and there was a special longing in them.  The one of you held the other as if you were afraid to lose them.  He rested his chin on the top of your head, and allowed you to place your nose where his neck joined his shoulder and inhale his scent.  You rubbed your hands more vigorously on his back.

- Since you were a detective, the both of you did not care to keep these touches private.  Catherine was the one who approached you two about the matter. She did not do it on purpose; you were embracing in the break room, a very communal area, where anybody who came just to get food had to deal with whatever you two were doing.  And, of course, it was not a hug that would be just between friends; he was holding your face while your hands were on his chest.  The both of you had your eyes closed with your faces almost touching each other's, yet neither of you dared to actually close that final gap.

- And when she entered, you did not break apart.  You still kept up with that hold.  So, seeing as neither of you cared about discretion, she did not either.  She came to stand about two and a quarter metres away from you and spoke in a soft voice, "Um, just what exactly is going on here?"

- Gil turned his head to look at her.  He still held your face, and you did not want to come out of the blissful feeling, so you kept facing him, but with your eyes open then.  Gil, in his usual matter-of-fact and oblivious manner, stated, "What does it look like, Catherine?  We're embracing."

- That got the poor woman shaking her head.  "Uh, no, I mean, what is going on between you two?"

- Knowing that you would have a more tactful answer than Gil, you plucked your head out of his hands, so he rested them on your shoulder.  You answered, "Um, actually, we haven't talked about it...as in, not between ourselves...so..." You sounded guilty when you said that, and after you spoke you cast your gaze down to the floor.

- Catherine gave a few short nods of understanding, putting a hand on the table to support herself as she stepped backwards.  Since she was further away she raised her volume and said, "Well, I came here to eat, not to watch," she gestured in your general direction with both hands and shook her head, "whatever this is, so if you could take this elsewhere, that'd be great." She made her way to the fridge. Gil and you looked at each other.  Then, he held your arm and guided you to his office.

- You had a talk.  It was easy to converse about the matter at hand, because your mutual romantic attraction was so obvious to one another.  An external force had been required to get the situation to progress.

- Once your relationship was officially established and announced to your friends, you displayed it a lot more.

- He deliberately holds your arm more obviously whenever you are walking along the hallways and discussing evidence.  Praise and thanks are shown through kisses on the cheek, forehead or top of the head.

- Don't ask me why, but he loves his nose being kissed. He just does, okay?

- Towards the same effect, you love it when he kisses the bridge of your nose, especially when you're sitting down and he bends down to kiss you.  There's just something about the way it feels when he's pressing his lips to the bridge of your nose and his beard is tickling that particular surrounding area.

- When he's sitting at his desk and mulling over the current case, he likes to have you sit across from him and stretch your arm out on the desk so that he can play with your hand.  It helps him think. He will also bring your hand to his lips, making you blush.

- The both of you like to put your fingers on one another's wrists and necks.  It is a nice substitute for when you're separated by a table and can't put your head on the other's chest.

- Cuddling while watching movies is a must.  During sad movies, or emotional scenes, he holds you tight as you cry into his chest.  This always takes place in his bed, since it is the most comfortable, and you do not have a television in your own bedroom.  Besides, the only time you get to watch movies is after shift, so you can fall asleep right after.  If the both of you go for a cinema date, you will try to suppress your reaction, so he squeezes your hand and smiles at you comfortingly.

- Speaking of sleeping together, it happened the first time the both of you fell asleep during a movie. You were so tired after work, and thought you could make it through the film - after which you yourself would drive home - but you were both deadbeat. You fell asleep on him; your head drooped down on his shoulder. He shifted his half-open eyes to you with some effort, then pressed the buttons on the remote to put the film on standby and then turn off the television. He slid the both of you to lie down; you were already dead asleep. He pulled you close. With you at his side (and halfway on top of him), he fell asleep the easiest he ever had. When you woke up the next morning, there was not the slightest form of surprise on your part. It was somehow natural to sleep with him. In fact, you soon moved in with him.

[bunchofstraydogs]

Dazai Osamu character breakdown as I understand him

Meaning that this might be inaccurate and your opinion and visage of him might differ from mine, which is just fine. We perceive the world and the people around us through our experiences and expectations. I'm curious to know how you guys see a complex character like Dazai, just please respect everyone's opinions.

Warning: Manga plot mentions, s2 spoilers, BEAST light novel spoilers, Dazai Osamu

Dazai Osamu was introduced into the scene of Bungou Stray Dogs at 14 when Mori found him.

Even at that young age, Dazai had suicidal tendencies and had been wrapped in bandages similarly as he is in the present. Already dealing with too much trauma for a child his age, the fire is fuelled as he was forced to bear witness to the death of the Port Mafia boss at the hands of Mori, the person that took him under his wing. To use him; which was becoming very apparent to Osamu if he hadn't been aware since the start. Now, I'm not saying that death of the previous boss left a particular scar on Samu, he even agrees with it and is something he himself would have done. But that that is the scene that bore fruit of the following quotes:

"Or could it be that you're afraid, Mori-san? That one day i will slit your throat and take over as the boss?"

followed by

"Everyone seems suspicious to those who have an axe to grind."

This tells us right away that he can tell what type of person you are just from the way you perceive your surroundings, which is logical, but not something many think too deep into.

Even less who have their evaluations of others on point like he does. And he has to, since Dazai's plan is always to understand his allies, his enemies, possible allies and possible enemies. He also takes into account important neutral parties that can still, in one way or another, affect the outcome of his plans or decide to align with one side out of common interest. After comes realising the main goals, along with side achievements (just in case some of those maim his allies or ruin the future plans he made) of every party. Taking in their morals and motivation, and being familiar with the ground the confrontation will happen on, he now has the view of the whole chess board and it's pieces in his head. He moves his allies in the right places, knowing how they'll react in the situation to come, and awaits the enemies with open fire arms. He was tought to think like that. At all times. Mori made sure of it. You know how specialists never really stop thinking in their areas of expertise, like doctors, for example, will naturally notice people's posture and look for scoliosis or whatever? How your foot hits the floor, if you're walking straight, your knees and shoulders, etc. Same for Dazai. His brain maps out person's expressions, reactions, choices, personality, etc. in great detail. I'm pretty sure he has eidetic memory, if his conversations in manga with Fyodor are anything to go by.

Another thing his brain does is think of worst possible outcomes.

Not in a fear of what if things go wrong, but as a possible route. He uses it to determine how big of a threat the opposing force is and what steps they'll have to take to achieve that. Knowing that, he'll know how to intercept them. Also, like everything else, it's not something he can control since we're talking about thought process here and that's just how his brain works. Can't magically turn that off. It's especially annoying to him when he's genuinely enjoying himself with, let's say, ADA members and then his brain goes brrr.

•"A lot happened recently and we're a torn in many people's eyes." *Tanizaki and Atsushi drinking punch* "There's a possibility, while a small one, about 8% at this very moment, but as time goes on will increase, that an organisation outside of Yokohama decided we're an unavoidable threat and poisoned the drinks. Don't drink that. Nothing will happen, they'll wake up tomorrow in pristine condition don't drink th-"

Yeah, i feel bad for him too.

He has PTSD and insomnia, besides the hectic brain,

so he's not getting proper amount of rest. Actually, he drinks almost every night by himself at home. Pretty sure it's canon as well, because if you search for a picture of him in his room, you'll see him surrounded by multiple bottles. Two of the PTSD symptoms are hallucinations and night terrors (no, that is not the same as a nightmare). What people usually do is use opium to cause hallucinations in a safe environment so that there's little chance of them happening uncontrolled. He's probably using alcohol to numb himself while he's reminiscing, since if he does still have hallucinations after years having passed by (which isn't impossible), they're probably few and far between. Not saying there's no chance he isn't using opium. He would know where to get what he needs, after all.

Osamu's haunted by his own actions as well, not just by trauma caused to him.

At an uncountable amount of occasions, he found himself looking into a mirror and not really comprehending his image. It was like dissociation. Looking through a fog at what's supposed to be your carbon copy, but not knowing all of your features perfectly, so whatever you're seeing could only be an impostor, yet you're not sure because that would take comprehending physical proof of your life to the fullest and how it works and he just... can't. He can but he doesn't want to. He already knows he's despicable and broken, doesn't really feel the need to see just how much. He can't, for all his perfect memory, remember the faces of the people he has killed. He hadn't even seen all of them, but he was responsible for their demise. Causing havoc and misfortune in general through other crimes besides murder as well. We've seen his expression when he listened in on Atsushi talking to Kyouka over the earpiece how the 35 deaths don't matter anymore. He knows they do and he knows that the change of heart won't justify what he's they've done. Ango thought him to value each life. But he also knows that even murderers can change and become good. Oda did that. It's also what's keeping him in the agency.

When Oda died, his last words mentioned that Dazai doesn't care about good or bad and that was correct for Dazai Osamu back then. I genuinely think that his present self does mind the difference.

He believes in necessary evil and will do dark shit to get the good outcome he's envisioned.

He doesn't separate outlaws and lawful people, however.

He knows that generally speaking, the line is thin and easy to cross and that many were born or forced into the situations they are. Those that fight the life thrown at them are an exception, not a rule. That's also why he likes Atsushi, probably the main reason. The boy has every right to hate the world and yet. Dazai is envious, he doesn't really have the same capacity.

I want now to talk about why does Dazai Osamu do what Dazai Osamu does.

The reason he attempts suicide, joined the mafia, made friends at all, is because for all his intelligence and observations, ability to understand others, he doesn't really understand himself.

He doesn't understand his worth. He doesn't understand his purpose. In all of that confusion, he finds no reason to live. He laughs but can't get the high, he bruises but can't fully heal. In all of the things people find happiness in he can't feel joy from. He is emotionally stunted. He thinks too logically. He doesn't understand actions out of emotions because to him, it doesn't make sense. Emotions cloud your mind and when you're not thinking straight, you make mistakes. Plain and simple. He just accepts it, that most people simply cannot control themselves and prefer lashing out instead of methodical approach. All the better for him, he has leverage. Even when he does act on impulse, which is incredibly rare and not as explosive and dramatic, his brain rationalises it as to why his actions were a good way to go. And if his reaction was one that bore fruit, than it was a tactical one.

"If you place yourself somewhere close to raw emotions, where you're exposed to raw violence and death, instinct and desire, you can brush against man's true nature. I though that way i could find a reason to live somehow."

From this, i can tell that he was hoping that, in a situation where he's pushed far enough, he'd realise what's important to him, what he wants to protect or destroy, what's one thing he wouldn't want to leave unsettled before dying. What is that one thing he'd regret dying before achieving? What should he fight death for. What is worth living on for? To him, it doesn't matter if that something is good or evil as long as he gets to keep it in his life.

It seems he hadn't found it exactly, but is satisfied with what he has for now, in the agency, to just keep going. But he still tries to commit suicide, hoping that one day, when the clear picture of the world around him is fading away, when he's becoming light headed from the lack of oxygen, when he's loosing control over his body and thoughts don't seem to flow well, there will be one thing, anyone, screaming at him to fight it. New day new chances. It didn't happen today, better luck tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomo-.

Now, like Mori, Dazai feels the need to, at all times, be in control of the situation. Including people.

That means no one, but perhaps Ranpo due to his own abnormal intellect, is aware of their own role. They know their mission, but they're not expecting to be given that particular one because they'll come across an obstacle they would react to in a way that would satisfy Osamu's plans.

Dazai Osamu is more of a chemist, than a chess player, if you ask me.

Throwing different people into the mix, under different conditions at different times and is noting down their reactions in safe surrounding if possible, so that when the time calls for it, he'll be able to make a perfect concoction for the predicament. A chemist and his substances; A chess player and his pawns; A puppeteer and his puppets. Now, Dazai is meticulous and never rash, but like everyone else (except effin Lovecraft what is he even) he's only human and he bleeds when he falls down and humans aren't perfect. He isn't always right. That means he makes mistakes. The issue with big shot players that control the board is that, when they fall down, everyone on their side crashes and burns as well. So the day Dazai fucks up everyone else will follow because of lack of insight on their part that's completely out of their control. All it takes is for him to underestimate or overestimate one person and chaos ensues. There is no such thing as happy little accidents small mistakes for someone like him. I have crippling anxiety and a sole thought that one hiccup could blow up in everyone's face... damn. I would try committing suicide myself. But it's his fault, he brought upon himself an obligation and pressure like that. To be fair, it was Mori that drilled that type of thinking where no one should know what you plan because they can't ruin what they don't know If they turn against you, they can't stop you.

For his own sake, and everyone else's, Dazai needs to learn how to show his cards and share the burden.

Again, going back to the emotionally stunted guy that has commitment issues (where he either can't commit or can't let go) trope.

He never outright does something good for someone where people would acknowledge it, he uses his underhanded tactics here as well.

He casually makes himself look like a bad guy, an asshole, to conveniently move attention from the inner turmoil a person is struggling with to a present problem at hand that they can fix and let their frustrations out on. But he hopes that, one day, someone just might notice his intentions for what they are and do the unspeakable- see through him.

"I'm a very private person. You don't ask, i don't tell."

Yes, and your whole existence is just a huge cry for help. He wants to be asked. He's begging for attention. A specific type of attention. One that will see him without making him feel imposed on. One that will understand his sins without making a big deal out of it. Accept him as a person he is, makes him feel like one as well. Makes him feel alive. Makes him feel... period.

The day he finds that thing is the day he completely turns his life around and fully dedicates to it. It's where the part of not being able to let go commitment issue ensues.

Since Oda's death he's been secretly keeping an eye out on possible ways to bring him back. If you've read Beast AU you know that when Dazai gets his hands on the book, he'll create a universe where Oda doesn't die. Should he find an ability user that can bring back the dead, just tell him what it will take, he's ready to destroy his own soul for it and if that isn't enough, well, he'll have no hesitation ruining theirs. After all, BEAST!Dazai Osamu never actually met Odasaku, he just had the memories he'd gotten from his canon self and that was enough for him to do everything he did.

He's incredibly selfish and has a weird come in but the door is a wall dynamic he rolls with in his self imposed solitude.

It's like the walls of the space in my brain are ugly and terrifying, so i closed off the entrance to keep myself in. I'm doing you a favour but please break the wall down and tell me it's okay to come out i don't want to be here-

Happy little thoughts woah woah yeah~

That's what i got from what I've seen of him. I may have missed some things, some things might prove to be wrong as the series progress further, but yeah.

There is, however, one more thing i want to put out here. Since Dazai was already like this before Mori found him, that begs to question as to why? What happened to him?

Now, since the characters are based on real people, is it crazy to say that Dazai Osamu has had a horrible childhood because of his father? Real life Dazai was terrified of his dad and was very intimidated by him. He always tried to stay in his good graces out of fear of punishment. Neither of his parents felt like a parent to him, actually. His father didn't care and his mother was often ill, but did care for him when she could. Both of them died eventually.

This could be the plot Kafka based Dazai's background on, but we'll have to wait and see.

[cruelsister-moved2]

So you don't believe in separation of church and state? But yes, that's number one for a reason, we shouldn't be forcing religious beliefs on people.

did you actually read what i wrote 😐 or did you jst see the word religion and ur brain shut down. one of my main points is that for people from minority faith backgrounds, faith schools are a REFUGE from having christianity forced on their children. how are faith schools for religions that don't proselytise (which is basically all of them except islam and christianity btw, and even then christianity has its own specific history and doctrine regarding aggressive proselytism) even going to "force religious beliefs on people".....

and this has nothing to do with separation of church and state because that's about whether the church has influence over policy which I don't believe it should obviously. and i believe all children should receive the same secular instruction and graduate equipped with the skills and knowledge they need to function as adults. however, like i said, affirming schooling is associated with positive outcomes for children from minority cultural and religious backgrounds. so in case I have to be clear for the illiterate americans once more, the govt funding private unregulated fundamentalist propaganda factories is bad. but i take issue with the wording implying that state funded faith schools are a bad thing when 1. i believe all education should be state funded and 2. i believe faith schools should be an option, ergo i believe that government funded faith based schools are a good thing.

i think maybe you have wires crossed due to the difference in our backgrounds, I'm coming from the uk where state faith schools (mostly primary schools aka age 5-11) are very common and not a big deal. like maybe 50% of the students will be from that background and there will be subtle consideration of the needs of those pupils e.g. food, but like the curriculum is identical to that at a secular school and children are not denied any education but rather also receive additional immersion in what is largely just cultural i.e music, dance, food, history, community etc. a lot of atheist parents will send their kids there just because it's a good school. so that's what I'm talking about when I say a "faith school". if a school here refused to teach students science or something, it would fail its inspection and be closed down so its like the fact they are state funded AND regulated is an effective control against attempts to "force religion on people"

I'm just saying like the concept is not a bad thing & implying that the solution is to withdraw all government funding from anything associated with religion in any way, thus forcing the darker corners of it further out of public light, is just wrong and harmful. state secularism is something you can swing too far either way on, i.e France vs USA. assuming christian hegemony privileges all religious people is just ignorant, and not specifically targeting christianity if that's what you mean causes disproportionate impact for the most marginalised people (like i explained in my post, christians are already subtly privileged and affirmed by the education system in a christian country even when its supposedly secular bc religion and culture aren't really separable, so the main people who actually benefit from faith schools are marginalised religious minorities)

[your-brilliant-lady-m]

Part 5 - Basic Concepts of Miraculous Ladybug: Guardians

Helloooo! Did you think I was done? No!

My PhD thesis chapters were approved last week, so have some celebratory meta. I haven't seen the latest Season 4 episodes, so do forgive me for not being up to date.

Welcome to the next part of my analysis of the basic concepts of Miraculous Ladybug. Today we are talking about Master Fu, Order of the Guardians and how little everything here makes sense. I highly recommend reading previous parts to fully understand this one, but I'll try to quote most parts of earlier posts.

Order of the Guardians

Order is an international and ancient organisation (New York Special showed us the guardian from North America and he was dressed like Su Han). Presumably, Miraculous jewels were created by these people. Guardians are responsible for the preservation of jewels and knowledge about them. They also distribute Miraculouses to worthy people around the world to combat mostly magical threats, but sometimes jewels are used against normal threats too. It's implied that Master Fu used Miraculouses during WW2 when he was in Paris. Perhaps he performed some spywork with Marianne, but the magical nature of his interferences was discovered and he was forced to flee, before returning to France many decades later.

Why does the Order need so many people to take care of a 3 Miracle Boxes? If its only purpose is to preserve knowledge, keep magical secrets and distribute Miraculous jewels then wouldn't it be more logical to have Master-Apprentice system? It's much easier to keep magic knowledge a secret and train a few people in martial arts than doing the same in the self-sufficient temple full of people, keeping in mind that a good part of them are teenagers and children, who are bad at keeping secrets. Also a single person can travel around the world much easier to give out Miraculouses. Imagine that we have a few active guardians traveling the world with Boxes. What do other people at the temple do in the meantime? They teach the next generation about the powers of each Miraculous and Mirakung Fu, but besides that?

Master-Apprentice system gives us more personal conflict between Fu and his mentor and makes his relationship with Marinette and Adrien more nuanced. In this scenario Fu accidentally caused the death of his Master at 14 because he wasn't careful. It makes sense for him to take on only 1 or 2 students if this is how things were done with Miraculous Guardians. This Wang Fu is very cautious and protective, he spent the majority of his life afraid of hurting someone else and never took an apprentice as a result. But now he is ready to try again, since he is not getting any younger and he likes these 2 kids. He wants them to succeed. Maybe Master Fu, becomes the father figure for Adrien in this situation and a guide for Marinette. Just think about it. This way writers avoid the need to develop all these extra characters (Su Han) and traditions related to the Order. All inconsistencies I mentioned before and later in this post are gone now! Hell, even memory loss and the changing of the Miracle Box shape could make more sense. We also raise the stakes post-amnesia, if it happens of course (the whole Season 3 finale didn't make sense, so stay tuned for my next meta). Marinette and Adrien are on their own now, there's no one who can give them answers. It's very fun scenario, which has potential to be brilliant. Any thoughts on that?

The existence of Order of the Guardians is not quite a secret, at least it wasn't in XIX century China. Master Fu in "Feast" says that guardianship was considered "a great honor". It implies that people who lived close to the temple of the Order knew about Miraculouses and what exactly guardians did for the greater good.

The existence of other Miracle Boxes around the world makes sense from a real-life perspective. Writers have the ability to create many stories set in the same universe and use them for merchandise and an almost unlimited amount of content. Judging by the unholy amount of specials in production, this is exactly what the creators are going to do. It probably won't go down well, but who knows?

However, it doesn't work in our main story. The main conflict is Paris-centred. Gabriel's motivations revolve around Emilie's resurrection and Season 4 gives us more reasons to suspect that Adrien's mom wasn't as wonderful as everyone says. Hawkmoth still remains the main villain of the show and most likely it's going to stay that way. There's no point in moving the main story to different places for the sake of introducing more Miracle Boxes from around the world. Ladybug and Chat Noir aren't needed to fight something halfway across the world unless Hawkmoth also changes locations.

LB and CN are centrepieces of this franchise. They brought success and money to ZAG. Creators constantly need to remind the audience that this new piece of media with new characters who will never be mentioned again is connected to Miraculous Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir. Writers have to come up with reasons to include our heroic duo into the story even if makes no sense.

New York Special had to introduce American Heroes whose names rarely come up in the fandom because people stopped caring about them or their stories shortly after the release of the Special. I barely saw any content dedicated to them. In order to bring LB and CN into the story, you have to include Hawkmoth too. Gabriel suddenly needs to get his hands on the Eagle Miraculous and goes to USA. Marinette and Adrien suddenly have a class trip to New York. Unfortunately, their presence in this story is required only to expand the world of Miraculous and attract fans of the show, so that they could keep an eye on new content related to newly introduced characters.

In the end, it's not their story. Events of the special don't affect main story of the show and the development of the love square is merely an illusion, because Adrien and Marinette are no closer than before. In season 4 LB and CN are growing apart and their test of trust in NY Special doesn't matter. Perhaps, some people don't see it that way and it's their right, but I find it hard to see NYS as a valid contribution to canon. I mean, even people in large portion of the fandom state in the tags on AO3 that "specials are not canon", "specials didn't happen" or "ignores both specials". It speaks volumes about continuity and preferences of your fandom.

Shanghai Special didn't give us more information about the Order, which is located in China, history of Miraculous jewels. We still don't know much about how Gabriel and Emilie found Peacock and Butterfly. Maybe, Marinette's family had connections to Miraculous jewels. Maybe, Adrien does some snooping and discovers research his parents made while Gabriel is away. All of these are relevant to the main story. However, we got something much different in the end.

Marinette chases Adrien across the globe and they make new friends. Fey becomes Ladydragon and now has a direct contact with Marinette through her uncle. Gabriel's desire to get his hands on the Prodigious comes out of nowhere. Apparently, he had been planning this trip for years, presumably even before Adrien was born. It probably happened at the same time as Agrestes found 2 Miraculouses. He bought bracelet-key (which is also a Miraculous apparently, but its Kwami is a Guardian of the Prodigious and they existed separately for a very long time - and let us not dwell on this mess) from some shady mafia boss, who can easily find out just who Gabriel really is (fashion designer billionaire) and use this information to blackmail him. This Special didn't answer important questions, but it gave us a new superhero character.

The real question is whether Miraculous as a project will survive long enough for writers to create content for every minor character they introduced in all specials. This is only a beginning after all.

Miraculous is not a global show and it can't be globalised in a way that makes sense, at least with Ladybug and Chat Noir in the centre of action. Case closed.

Mirakung Fu

I liked the idea of Mirakung Fu introduced in "Furious Fu". It makes sense and things rarely do in this show. Miraculous grants its holder superhuman strength, stamina, endurance and ability to fight. This means that essentially transformed heroes are guided by magic in combat. There's nothing personal in the way Miraculous holders fight. You can predict their moves and learn how to fight this magic guidance, which is what Su Han does.

However, if the holder has any special training, skills or knows any martial art in their civilian life then they become more dangerous opponents during transformation because now their fighting is a mix of magical moves and their personal knowledge, tricks and style. Therefore, Adrien and Kagami as skilful fencers have more chances of winning against someone who knows Mirakung Fu than Marinette, for example.

Memory loss

At the end of season 3, we find out several things:

apparently, now Miracle Box can change appearance to suit its guardian;

when Guardian passes down the Miracle Box to someone else, they lose memories not only about everything related to Miraculous, but also about pretty much everything in their life (Fu doesn't recognise Marianne, instead he experiences the love at first sight)

Master Fu trains Marinette to be the proper holder and next Guardian off-screen. He says that her training as the holder is complete in "Feast" and wants her to become the next Guardian. Fu told her lots of things, and yet, he never mentioned the fact that he would lose his memory after relinquishing the box, nor the fact that Marinette would lose her memory afterwards. She finds out about this from Wayzz after the battle with Miracle Queen and the letter that Master Fu gave her. That's not proper training! How on Earth do you forget to mention this memory loss? How?

Master Fu's amnesia is a convenient plot device that removes him from the narrative almost completely. That's mostly all there is to it. Why? Because it doesn't make sense.

Fu was around 7 or 8 when he started his training. The disaster at the temple happened when he was 14. He stated that his training was never complete, which means that he never passed any magical ritual, never swore an oath or was bound by some kind of spell that made him subjected to the rule of memory loss.

Miracle Boxes belonged to the order, not Fu. Their design reflected their country of origin because these Miraculous were made and kept in China. They were just standing there on the shelves not magically bound to anyone in particular. When Feast attacked, monks just tossed Wang Fu the miracle box and grimoire. No one at the temple lost their memory after Fu took the box with him (Su Han is the proof). Su Han not only remembers Fu and his mistake but everything that happened that fateful day as well. In "Furious Fu" Marinette explains Su Han that Master Fu lost his memory in the very first conversation they have. However, after Ladybug and Chat Noir fight Su Han on the roof and escape with the Miracle Box, the latter searches for Fu and attempts to take his staff from him. In this scene, Su Han acts like Fu knows very well what is going on and who he is.

Su Han should be aware of the memory loss rule as the Celestial Guardian. He remarks on the different shape of the Mother Miracle Box and calls her "incorrect", which means that Su Han should have been able to easily tell that previous Guardian lost his memory and the Miracle Box is now bound to someone else. But he doesn't say anything. Moreover, since Su Han is supposed to know about amnesia, he seemed awfully chill about forcing this 14-year-old girl in front of him to give up the box and her memories. Hell, Chat Noir wasn't on board with this. But we get zero reaction from Su Han.

During the first conversation between Marinette and Su Han, he doesn't ignore what she is trying to say, instead he actively comments on every word. Even if Su Han didn't listen when Marinette told him about Fu's memory loss, than he still should be able to understand that Fu doesn't recognise him, because of common sense and the "incorrect" shape of the box. But nothing of the sort happens. Because writers apparently forgot that "memory loss" is supposed to be known to everyone in the Order. On-screen it looks like Su Han is not aware of the "amnesia rule".

"Furious Fu" makes the concept of memory loss a plothole no matter how you look at it. Just like "Timetagger" and "Chat Blanc", as well as "Kwamibuster" this episode is not consistent within itself. It does not surprise me, however.

Grimoire and Guardian Staffs

Let's talk about the Miraculous Grimoire. Good things first.

There are no illustrations of Miraculouses in camouflage. Kwami can't read its contents, only guardians can. Certain elements are written in riddles as an additional precaution. The book contains only the information people have learned so far, which means that Miraculouses have more unexplored potential ("Mr. Pigeon 72"). It describes powers of each Miraculous, provides information about weapons, has instructions for potions that don't make sense (see previous parts).

Unfortunately, everything is about to go downhill from here.

Guardians are taught how to read the writing in this book. They can read it just like people learn to read texts in a different language. This means that one can read Grimoire like any other book (you don't need to consult some guide to decode each letter or word). Master Fu proclaimed Marinette an almost fully trained Guardian. He should have taught her how to read the Grimoire then (he doesn't know the code very well, but he knew enough to understand the general meaning and content of the book according to "Collector"). He didn't. We don't know why. He shows her powers of every Miraculous but doesn't teach her the code.

Master Fu knows that Grimoire now belongs to Gabriel Agreste. He knows that it's dangerous for someone else to have it. If they knew how to read the Grimoire, they could discover all secrets of Miraculouses and harm Ladybug, Chat Noir and other heroes. It's very important to keep the information about the code top secret because Fu is not the only one with the source material.

What does he do then? Master Fu proceeds to write a French translation of Grimoire for Marinette, a translation that he doesn't even need. He carries it with him at all times on a tablet (without any precautions) just like the Miracle box after "Feast". Naturally, it means that in "Miracle Queen", Gabriel and Nathalie easily managed to get their hands on the tablet and Miracle Box. It allows the plot to happen, sure. But it doesn't make any sense.

"Furious Fu" created another curious plot hole. It will probably be ignored, of course. Su Han has a staff with a magical compass that allows him to find any Miracle box, but not the Miraculous jewels for some reason. How does the staff work? Can it locate the box without the Miraculous? If yes, then it seems useless. What's the point in the ability to locate an empty box? If it can locate the box only with the Miraculous jewels inside, it implies that the staff can track the location of every Miraculous too. So, Su Han could just locate the Butterfly and Peacock without any problem. But he talks about reassigning Ladybug and Black Cat to adults and defeating Hawkmoth like locating the Butterfly is not possible. This situation makes the Guardian Staff a simple plot device that creates plot holes and its only purpose is to explain how Su Han found Marinette.

Also, I have a few more words to say about this. Master Fu had a Guardian Staff that was never mentioned before. I wonder why? That's because the staff didn't exist before "Furious Fu" was written. Writers just went: "Do you know what would be cool? If Fu's cane was really a secret Guardian Staff with a compass all along that he decided to keep even after he lost his memory? It would make people wonder whether Master Fu is faking amnesia, and everyone will definitely call him an awful mentor after this even though we kind of tried to make him a good and responsible person."

Fu didn't give it to Marinette and didn't mention it to her. Why? When he gave up his memory, he should have written about this in his letter at least. Why did he decide to keep it? He can't use it anyway now.

Please note how in the flashbacks Fu didn't take any staff with him when he escaped the temple. Su Han seemed to know how Fu's staff looked like. It means that Master Fu didn't make this staff himself, because it belonged to the Order.

Su Han wasn't even surprised that Marinette didn't have the staff as the current Guardian. Was she not supposed to have it? He never questioned the fact that the former Guardian without memories has the staff. Su Han actually returns this staff to Fu after he is deakumatized and Fu acts like they have never met before. Why did Su Han gave the staff back when he knows what it is and to whom it should belong (to him or to Marinette as the current Guardian)? The staff is useless in the hands of the civilian. Does Marianne know about its secret? We'll probably never find out, unfortunately.

Guardian Staff of Master Fu has a compass too and therefore this also makes it a plot device, just like Su Han's staff.

[vickyvicarious]

Parker: "Teach me to like stuff."

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Okay, so. I have some thoughts about The French Connection Job's Parker+Eliot subplot. And I think I wanna approach it separately, scene by scene from each of their perspectives, because we have a couple different things going on here. It's still a little more of a Parker meta than an Eliot meta, but I have enough to talk about on both sides, and they're connected enough not to be in separate metas, that I am going to do it this way.

Also going to put this under a cut because it gets long.

Parker

This whole subplot comes on the heels of the last episode, in which there was a lot of banter throughout about Hardison and Parker's dates, and him wanting to branch out into other things than just bungee jumping or whatever. We have seen hints of this throughout S5 so far, even though we're only a few episodes in at this point. They went on a world tour that was pretty much just jumping off of stuff, Hardison said something about them figuring things out. We saw a cute domestic scene of the aftermath of them watching a movie together, except Parker 'fell asleep again' and missed most of it, and Hardison eventually went off to work on his laptop. Parker tried to comfort him last episode about dust mites and ended up freaking him out instead. She talked about how she liked fire and Hardison complained she was missing the point of his offer for a candlelit picnic. They did end on a very romantic note with her still making the effort to make it happen but getting rained out, and him recognizing her effort and listening to him, and projecting the stars around the dark room then having the picnic inside. They are clearly very happy together and both making the effort to meet in the middle, but there are still some disconnects. Which makes sense this early on anyway, but it's not out of place for Parker to start getting worried about her limited interests here given the context of them contrasting Hardison's more widespread interests.

Starting right off the bat - there's a picture limit so I can't show these early moments, but throughout the first part of the episode we see Parker looking visibly upset/pensive. Hardison notices and asks her what's wrong, but is immediately distracted by his package arriving, and then the team gets into the briefing and he doesn't get to talk to her again. (Sidenote that this is pretty OOC for Hardison, and I have to assume he would at the very least come back to her later, but they were clearly trying to get Parker talking with someone else this episode and apparently couldn't come up with a better way to do it. His writing outside of the kitchen stuff was kinda off this whole episode anyway, what with the whole tip thing.) She was about to open up to him, however, which is important. There's also a scene shortly afterwards where she confides in Nate, again after he notices her being upset and asks what's bothering her. She claims everyone but her has 'a thing', and names a few of them. He asks her what she thinks when she sees Michelangelo's David, and when her answer is an immediate assessment of how it's guarded and what she'd have to do to steal it, he kind of hesitates and then goes right back to running the con. He basically gives up on helping her with this once it becomes clear that a quick sentence or two isn't gonna cut it.

So after those brief, unhelpful conversations, that's when she makes a move. She was responding to others before, but this time she comes up to Eliot, clearly nervous. And she asks him to help her feel something.

(I find it very interesting that she doesn't ask Sophie. Sophie is the person who she would usually go to for something like this, after all. But, aside from this being an Eliot-centric episode and just like them sidelining Hardison's possible assistance earlier the writers want Parker to talk with Eliot not Sophie, I think there are maybe a couple reasons why she might go to him here. First, just distance. Eliot is right downstairs, meanwhile at the moment Sophie is however far across town at her theater. Certainly not saying she wouldn't go to Sophie eventually, but maybe that's why not first. Second, she and Eliot have an understanding, one that's been explicitly acknowledged since the start of S4. They are similar in a way entirely unlike the rest of the crew. So while Sophie may understand emotions best, Eliot is the one most likely to know what Parker is talking about when she says she just isn't feeling anything. Which by the way I'm gonna get more into later on. Thirdly they're in love but that's not actually relevant here since all of the team love one another.)

Eliot

On Eliot's side, she approaches him when he's busy in the kitchen. This whole job is stirring up a lot of old feelings in him right from the start. Toby was someone who 'kept him from falling all the way down', and Eliot is deeply concerned for him. At the same time, the way they are running this con is allowing Eliot to take on the role of teacher. Even though his students aren't anything like the eager students Toby has just had taken away from him, Eliot wants so badly to take advantage of this opportunity to teach them - maybe even all the more because they're resistant. He's being given a very rare opportunity to indulge his belief that food is life and to share it on a larger scale. To use the knife to create, not just destroy. Leverage often walks a line between doing both (taking down the bad guys and helping people) but Eliot doesn't often just straight up get to just do the 'creating' part. (I mean, he loves the destruction too, he genuinely loves beating people up and taking down bad guys, but this is a rarer pleasure.) So he's pretty preoccupied with that at first, and initially dismisses Parker just like the other two guys did.

But when she just looks quietly disappointed at his response, he goes still and watches her. We cut away from them here so we don't see his actual response, but it's immediately clear that he's realizing this is actually something deeply important to Parker, and well worth his time.

On to the next part of this scene below.

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[Eliot sets a dish down in front of Parker]

Parker: "...It's just food."

Eliot: "It's not just food! Alright, some people could look at it and just see food, but not me. I see art. When I'm in the kitchen I'm, I'm creating something outta nothing, you know what I mean? And sometimes I crush it, sometimes it's crap, but either way - it makes me feel something."

Parker: "Feel what?"

Eliot: "Just... feel."

Parker: [murmuring] "Feel... okay." [looks down at the food and hesitates]

Eliot: "You know, I didn't feel anything for a long time. Then Toby taught me how to cook, and after he did, I started to feel stuff again. That's why I share it through my food - this is my art. This is my art, Parker." [Parker nods, looking worried] "It's like lettin' a stranger in your head, just for a second. And you allow them to feel what you're feeling." [pause] "Look again." [he pushes the plate a little closer to her. Parker takes a deep breath and slowly sets her elbows down on the counter as she stares down at the plate. Eliot watches her closely.]

Parker

At this point I want to talk a little about what Parker means when she says "feel something" and talks about "having a thing." Because we've seen her have interests outside of straightforward thievery before. Sure, most of her hobbies revolves around stealing - casing local banks for fun, for example. But she clearly has a deep love for Christmas and for chocolate. So why doesn't she count those kinds of things as 'feeling something'?

I think it comes down to what Eliot's talking about here. It's a sense of art. Not even necessarily making it yourself, although that certainly applies. Parker likes sweet things like chocolate and donuts, but although she really really likes them they don't make her feel any truly deep emotion. It's more tactile than anything else, just a pleasant flavor. Her love of Christmas isn't the same either in her eyes because it's not uniquely hers. It's something she loves to celebrate but she can't do so all year round, and plenty of other people like Christmas too. This one comes a lot closer, because it definitely seems to be tied up more in community and family for her than something like enjoying chocolate and piñatas, but it still doesn't belong to her in the same way that cooking does to Eliot or theater does to Sophie. And while theoretically her love of base jumping and so on could maybe count, it is still so tied up in her thieving that it doesn't feel separate. She's really good at drawing but only thinks of it as a useful skill, not a creative outlet - this is similar to that.

She has been branching out into a lot of new experiences and emotions lately, and while she's struck out deep into uncharted waters with her relationship with Hardison, once there she's only seeing more and more things that she just... doesn't get. She loves spending time with him, and enjoys what they do together, but she doesn't understand all of those things. Not on a deeper level. She wants to feel that sense of connection to something, wants to feel deeply emotionally moved by something.

And honestly? I think she's way up in her head about it. I'm not trying to dismiss her struggle here at all, but I do think she is stressing herself out about having something uniquely her own. About having a huge interest that speaks so strongly to her personally. And those are amazing to have, but it's really not necessary. She doesn't need a strong secondary passion so much as she needs to let go of trying so hard to force herself into something.

And what's happening in this scene in particular is that Parker is trying so so hard to force herself to feel something. It's evident in her face throughout the whole scene, in her body language. And she is so terrified that it's not going to work that honestly, I'm not surprised at all that it doesn't.

Eliot

On Eliot's side of this scene, he feels like he recognizes where Parker is. This entire job has him remembering how it was to feel nothing. Her phrasing got to him deeply. He wants to reach out and teach her to see something more, just like Toby taught him.

He knew a bit about how to cook before Toby. But it was only seeing Toby's passion that struck something in him, that awoke a part of himself he might've never known before. For Eliot specifically, cooking being an art isn't just something he likes. It's something that brings him hope.

Eliot doesn't believe in redemption. But he believes in actions. And what Toby did, by teaching him to cook, was to teach him that his actions can be good. That he can create, not just destroy. That all is not lost - not 'for' him necessarily, so much as 'in' him. There is a deep empty place inside himself that he can enter so so easily. The difficulty is crawling back out again. Cooking was his rope out of there. He still finds it difficult to express his emotions very often, particularly verbally, but when he makes someone a meal he puts a part of himself into it. And yet doing so doesn't take anything from him, it just adds more.

This is all very vague and figurative and may make no sense, but the takeaway I want to have is that Eliot is opening up to Parker on a very deep level here. He feels like he recognizes what she's talking about, and it was a very bad place for him. (Again, I don't think she is quite that badly off at this point in canon, but I digress.) And while making food allows him to feel that he is demonstrating his love for someone, that he is sharing a part of himself with them, he recognizes that she isn't receiving that. What she's getting, is just a plate of food. Tasty food maybe, but nothing more than that. And so Eliot verbalizes everything to her in a way he rarely does.

And then he keeps trying. This scene obviously doesn't end up making her feel something, and we don't get to see the immediate aftermath of that, but we can glean a little about how they feel based on their reactions. And Eliot is deeply determined to help Parker feel something from his food. He insists that she play the food critic; even speaks directly to her and reminds her to consider what they talked about.

.

In the restaurant, we start out with Parker dutifully playing her role but feeling nothing much beyond just the role. Eliot checks in with Parker, she acknowledges that the food is good but doesn't make her feel anything, and he makes improvements based on her feedback. Then something abruptly changes.

Parker: "I can taste garlic, and mushrooms... and something else that makes me feel different."

Hardison: "Wait, was that for me, cause I-I don't get it."

Parker: "No, it's the food. I get it." [smiles] "I feel something."

+

Parker: "Mmm! These black noodles are amazing!

Eliot: "Parker, it's tagliolini nero con gamberi."

Parker: "Mmm." [eats a huge forkful] "Mmm. Mmmm. These are really good."

Parker

What just happened here? Last we saw from Parker, she'd failed to feel something from the meal Eliot made especially for her in the brewpub, and she was clearly disheartened. She felt it as a failure, very much in the sense of a disappointment. She didn't want to try again, didn't think it would work, and tried to protest when Eliot said she would be the food critic. Even once she got to the restaurant, nothing was happening for her.

The difference wasn't in the flavor of the food. The moment Parker started to feel something was right after she said she felt nothing and Eliot, instead of being disappointed or giving up, took it as a challenge. He changed his recipe, he improved it specifically to better reach out to her. He kept trying.

And yeah, maybe the bone broth helped it taste better. But that wasn't the point, not really. The point is that Parker had gotten herself stuck in a hole, trapped herself in this cycle of not understanding how things make you feel and then believing that she just couldn't. She wanted something of her own and she didn't have it and she didn't immediately get anyone else's thing either, and that was it. She just wasn't capable. She was other. This is an old old fear of Parkers, dating back to Archie or even before. Something in her just isn't capable of being like other people. She wasn't worthy of being in Archie's real family, and she's not able to feel passion for anything outside of stealing. (Setting aside the fact that she loves her team, that all she needed was the right family. That you don't have to be a creator to feel passion, and you don't need to be passionate about any particular thing in order to feel deeply and find beauty in the world.) Parker has empathized deeply with people, has felt so intensely before and is constantly trying to learn more and new ways to be. But because she is noticing her teams' passions now, she has this ideal that she wants to reach, and none of that is good enough for her. She doesn't even know exactly what her ideal involves, but she can't get to it.

But when Eliot doesn't give up, that gets to her. If he views his food as sharing himself with others, Parker finally gets what he's been trying to give all along. It's all about him trying again and again, changing his approach to match her better. That's what she feels, that's what she enjoys.

And once she starts, the floodgates open. She loves the black noodles. She is so happy, she is relieved. There was this huge resistance that she couldn't get past before, but Eliot persisting helped her to break past that and now that she is out of her head about it she can enjoy the food in a way she never has before. Because she feels his love for her in it.

Eliot

Eliot is trying so hard to connect to Parker. It's not really different from what I said in the last Eliot section, and basically the same as what I just said in that Parker section, but I want to emphasize a little more just how much this is about love on his end.

Eliot loves Parker. He loves her, and he wants so much to help her. It doesn't honestly matter that he does this with food, except for the fact that food is what matters so deeply to Eliot himself. He can't reach out to her in the same way through any other medium. And we don't get to see his reaction to Parker's moment of realization. But I think it would be such a deep sense of joy. This is as fulfilling for Eliot as it is for Parker. It's exactly what Eliot has been hoping for this whole episode, to teach someone else to see food in the same way he does. It doesn't matter if it only lasts for a moment or a single meal. That's enough. He has been the support Parker needed through this time of self-doubt. And it is all the more meaningful to him because this isn't just a random student, this is Parker.

He told her he loves her through his food, again and again, and she eventually felt it. She understood. That must mean so much to him.

.

I wanna end with one more brief note on Parker. Does she get her own "thing" this episode? No. No she does not, and this scene shows us that. Parker is not suddenly interested in food or cooking. The importance of that meal was purely derived from Eliot on the other end of it, focused on her and trying his best to reach out to her.

And I don't think this is something only Eliot could have done for her either, not really. The difference between him and the others this episode is mostly in persistence. However, it's also about her mentality. Hardison has built/done things for Parker before and she felt them just as deeply - but the context was different. She wasn't looking for a sense of beauty or art in the world at large then, and so even though she felt the love in the gift just as much, it didn't make her feel like she could find that kind of emotion in other things. She just wasn't looking for it. Also, it was made easier for Eliot to reach out because there's that connection Parker has with him, that understanding that they are on the same level somehow. She doesn't feel that with Hardison - and she loves him all the more for him being different from her, but he also I think can intimidate her with how good and open he is, with how much he can feel in so many different directions. It's part of why she got so worried about herself not being able to do so this episode.

Like, the team has scolded Nate for not having a life or interests of his own outside the job not too terribly long ago! And Parker has had her own joys before! But she isn't seeing that this episode, too caught up in this fear about not having her own 'thing', not feeling anything that way. So while anyone could have helped her through this, it was easiest for her to let Eliot do so + for him to understand what she needed from him. (Hardison in particular was rudely robbed the opportunity, but they all love and support her and could have reached her. Not to detract from Eliot doing so, but also I don't wanna sound like no other method of reaching out would've worked.)

But as soon as she feels something once with Eliot's help, that relaxes those fears. And then Parker is free to look in other places. She remembers Nate's comment about art, and maybe even tells him what she plans based on him knowing where she is at the end of the episode. And then she goes to visit this statue. In her own way which means breaking in, but without any goal of taking it. She just goes to look at the art. And she feels something again.

Parker doesn't gain some big passion at the end of this episode. She doesn't need to. She never did. She just learns how to let herself relax from that restrictive frame of mind. To simply be in the moment and enjoy things for the sake of what they are. To feel - not really in any way she was incapable of before, but intentionally now. It's a quiet victory, in the end. It doesn't mean she's going to get a new hobby or change her lifestyle at all really. But she's let go of a fear and is now intentionally seeking out new connections with the world beyond her once-limited parameters.

[dodscans]

Is there BL in my DoD?: About Suleiman and İbrahim's relationship (feat. manga recommendation)

Ahem, while some people are absolutely filled with indignation over the few kisses Suleiman and Ibrahim share, I know some readers of DoD would like to see some more BL action between İbrahim and Suleiman. Come on. Don't deny it. And no, that sensual massage does not count. We want more drama. I also think that a love story between those two would make a more interesting love triangle, but Shinohara-sensei doesn't go there at full force.

Vol. 1, Ch. 3. RIP to everyone who dropped this manga because they thought this was going to be BL, and also to those who kept reading because they thought this was going to be BL. They were both wrong.

I wanted to do some shameless self-promotion and share a love story between a sultan and one of his retainers I translated: Yılan (Snake) by Est Em. Naono Holics very kindly helped me to get this beautiful story out. You might get lots of "oriental" BL stories with sultans, but those are mostly meh and cringe. But Est Em-sensei, like Shinohara-sensei, did her research about Ottoman history and came up with this beautiful story. Est Em is awesome overall and this one shot needs to be turned into a movie. So, fellow DoD readers who are into male homoeroticism and historical accuracy, I recommend you read this one shot and it's very beautiful wrap-up story.

This is your tragic sultan in the BL-verse.

With that out of the way: But were sultans really into men? You can't imagine the amount of scholarship on this topic and the endless debates. While some fervently deny it, some even claim that everyone was gay in the palace and pederasty in particular was running rampant among the elite. But I can't help but ask: Why do we need to be so extreme? Some people were gay, and some were straight, some swung both ways... There's no need to be so stuck up about it. This is part of history, so it shouldn't be about people throwing "accusations" at each other. Just chill and look for the truth. Anyway...

Leslie Peirce, in her Empress of the East, writes that Suleiman and Ibrahim were suspected of having a thing going on. A very angry Italian balios even called İbrahim "Suleiman's whore" in his fury once. Why? Did they mean it literally, or was it just "impyling implications"?

- Ibrahim entered Suleiman's service as a slave when he was still living in Manisa where he was a governor-prince. Suleiman was still a young lad, and so was İbrahim. As they were close in age, they formed a friendship there. Contrary to popular belief, having a harem does not mean you can sleep with any girl you want without thinking of the consequences. The prince's/the sultan's mother, in our case Hafsa Sultan, has control over the harem and chooses the best candidates for his son and future grandchildren. Having your own offspring when you were still but a prince made you a stronger candidate for sure, but having too many children was frowned upon, because it gave the impression that you had your eyes on the throne and trying to secure your own succession line. So Suleiman only had Gülbahar and Mustafa before he ascended to the throne. Although Suleiman had no rivals for the throne, this was very probably planned. Why am I telling all this? We have read enough fanfiction to "know" that a young guy who can't play around as he wishes might have sought love after his closest friend *wink wink*.

- And we have the sus stuff with Suleiman's bedroom, the Has Oda. Has Oda is where the sultan slept in the inner palace (Enderun). (Remember, in DoD too, the harem is in the old palace and Suleiman lives in the new palace. Hürrem made the entire harem move to the new palace later on.). The Has Oda was the most intimate place for the sultan, and had its separate body of servants who were mostly young boys (iç oğlan) (which deserves another post) and one cannot simply wander into there. And there was one guy who was responsible for the organization of the Has Oda: Has Odabaşı. Do you remember how İbrahim was the Has Odabaşı at the beginning of the story? This duty was fulfilled by the sultan's most trusted man. Even after Suleiman appointed İbrahim as the grand vizier, it's been recorded that he had a bed laid out for him in the Has Oda at night. Now, what is a grown man, who's not even part of the Has Oda corpus of servants, doing in the sultan's private chambers? Hmmmm, really makes you think.

- Suleiman favoured İbrahim a terrible lot too. I don't even need to explain this, you are all reading DoD: Marrying him to his sister(there is evidence that Ibrahim wasn't wed to Hatice Sultan, but someone else. Nevertheless, his wedding was like that of an imperial family member in pomp, which again shows how much he was favored), letting him built a splendid palace right next to the imperial palace, letting him take initiative in state affairs while he didn't have to... He trusted that man and really gave him all he wanted, and more. And Suleiman too was highly influenced by İbrahim's views. İbrahim was called Makbul İbrahim Paşa, Ibrahim Pasha the Favoured for some reason. Him falling out of favour is a whole another story though-a story no one can explain for certain. I don't want to spoil anyone yet.

Of course no one could say for sure what their relationship was like, they could be chess buddies for all I know. But one can see how special their relationship was, regardless of whether romance was involved or not. And I get the feeling that as long as you had your cariye pump out princes and princesses for you, no one really cared for what you did. Sure, lusting after a man is considered to be wrong and a sin, but sinning in secret is completely daijoubu. It's not like anyone can dethrone the sultan for that. You have many prominent grand viziers in Ottoman history, but from what little I've read, none of them was as close to the sultan as İbrahim was. That's why I find the portrayal of İbrahim in DoD kind of lacking. His "loyalty" feels too dry. The source of that loyalty definitely needs more development. BL undertones/overtones would just be the cherry on the cake.

Vol. 10, Ch. 38. Suleiman displaying his maximum baiting skills.

I wish Shinohara-sensei added these flavors to the story too instead of giving Suleiman that troll face all the time and didn't make the strife with İbrahim that one dimensional, but she can't stop me from imagining things. I apologize if I'm coming off as a filthy fujo who's writing a third rate fanfiction, but there's enough material evidence in DoD for a complete tragedic BL route and Shinohara-sensei dropped the hints, only to abandon them. Sensei, I swear we won't get angry!

tl;dr: No, DoD is not yaoi, but I wish it was.