#(we're just here for the weird shit they say like when tom said he should have married mary instead)

[nostalgia-tblr]

hey remember that old livejournal meme where you were to write a "commentary" for one of your own fics and someone would inevitably request one for something you wrote a few years previously and when you read it over again you're like "I have literally no memory of writing any of this" and you were like oh no do I just make shit up that sounds good or do I turn in many italicised lines of "I don't know what this bit means. Or this bit. That joke's quite good but I have no idea how I thought of it"?

[leclerc-s]

the blue - part eight

series masterlist // previous // next

zendaya amelia grace holland be honest. how many songs ave you written about oscar?

amelia holland

sam holland the better question is how many songs have you written about fake scenarios in your head?

amelia holland oh that one's easy at least five. this month. i've got a really good one called i should hate you, i wrote that one with aaron.

tuwaine barrett DID CHARLES HELP PRODUCE THIS AGAIN??

amelia holland i think he almost shit himself when he found out aaron was also producing this one. tuwaine barrett CHAMELIA MY BELOVED! GET THIS MAN ON STAGE WITH TAYLOR FOR A SURPRISE SONG! amelia holland he's been on my ass about that to. did you team up with him or something? tuwaine barrett why? did he say someting?

harry holland speaking of charles, how's texas? is it fun?

amelia holland it's hot as fuck.

amelia holland you're in texas now? any plans on coming home?

amelia holland kinda promised oscar and lando that i'd stick around for the triple header. there's a week off in between vegas and brazil but lando's birthday is a few days before vegas and abu dhabi is the next weekend. so i'm not sure. might be home for a couple days at most.

harrison osterfield it's almost like oscar's career is monopolizing all of your time

sam holland for the record none of us have problem with it. this is the first time in a long time we've seen you happy. if traveling with oscar makes you happy, do it. harrison's being a dick, ignore him. but like also please come home for the holidays?

amelia holland is that his default setting? - danny ric

amelia holland sorry about that, the fake american took my phone.

amelia holland real american here, is that his default setting? - logan sargeant

amelia holland charles here! is that his default?

amelia holland this group is tragic. ours is much more fun - max

amelia holland I CAN FINALLY STOPPED BE CALLED NORIZZ BECAUSE CLEARLY THE SECOND STRING LOSER HAS LESS THAN ME! - LANDO

amelia holland i would never piss a songwriter off because you'll be branded as the second string loser for the rest of your life. - pierre

amelia holland i swear they’re normally house-trained - oscar

amelia holland he's lying - alex

tom holland YOU HAVE A GROUPCHAT WITH THEM??

amelia holland it's quite fun. murder is threatened at least 3 times a day and lestappen is in full force. it is no just for the camera, i genuinely think they're in love with each other

amelia holland yuki’s quite violent, in case anyone was wondering. he may be pocket sized but he holds a lot of rage

harry holland and who exactly is in this group chat and why haven’t we been invited?

amelia holland the twitch quartet, max, daniel, yukierre, estie bestie and his two husbands, twinkclaren, and me

harrison osterfield you call your boyfriend a twink?

amelia holland it’s a term of endearment - lando

amelia holland she calls lando a fucking weenie and she called someone a weird second string loser, so i’m okay with twink - oscar

amelia holland WE'RE KIDNAPPING AMELIA! WE'RE IN TEXAS BABY! - DANNY RIC

amelia holland SAVE US! - CHARLES & MAX

ameliaholland posted new stories

someone's super excited to be back in texas COTA! pre-quali look with oscaroo. he's not happy at the moment, says it's too hot to be in texas. i agree. :) logan said he knew a place and took us to cane's. clearly one of them is happy to be here.

ameliaholland the plans made it out of the group chat, so when in texas...

tagged: oscarpiastri, lilymhe, francesca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux, danielricciardo, landonorris, maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, alex_albon, logansargeant, yukitsunoda, pierregasly, georgerussell63, estebanocon, mickschumacher, lancestroll

view all comments

tuwaine I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO BE IN TEXAS SO BAD

↳ ameliaholland you're missing out so bad tuwaine

tomholland2013 AMELIA GRACE HOLLAND YOU BETTER NOT BE DRINKING!

↳ ameliaholland i'm not? there's a heineken in my hand? it's non alcoholic.

↳ landonorris she literally had shots with max. she's a liar.

↳ ameliaholland shut the fuck up norizz.

username oh god, i've never wanted to be apart of a friend group this bad

username thank goodness someone put boots on the correct way. if i saw another picture or video of the drivers with their jeans tucked into their boots i would riot.

↳ username i hope daniel scolded them for doing so.

samholland1999 PUT SOME PANTS ON AMELIA!

↳ ameliaholland I AM WEARING PANTS! IT'S CALLED SHORTS DINGBAT! IT'S HOT IN TEXAS

username now this is a group i never thought i would see hanging out. at least not all of them together.

username this is so iconic of them wtf?

georgerussell63 i have never met someone who can out drink max, please join us the next time we go out.

↳ harryholland64 did not know my little sister can out drink max verstappen but i'm somehow proud?

↳ username this just in, something max verstappen is not good at doing, out drinking amelia holland.

lilymhe we have to do this again!

↳ francesca.cgomes we do!

↳ alexandrasaintmleux oh, we should

↳ ameliaholland give me a time a place and i'll be there!

↳ carmenmundt count me in too! i would love to meet amelia.

↳ username icons meeting other icons, love to see it.

finish the lyrics with lando norris and oscar piastri

comments

user we were robbed of cowboy oscar!

user lando and the holland brothers being the captains of the oscar x amelia ship is so funny to me

user but who did lando call a dick and why?

↳ user probably harrison, if the context clues we've been provided are anything to go by.

↳ user lando has been their biggest defender since day 1 and i stand by that

user was i the only one who caught that brocedes reference?

↳ user lando knew what he was doing making that joke.

user lando casually wanted to remind everyone that oscar's brother-in-law is spider-man.

↳ user had to quickly flex on spidey's biggest fan, estie.

user and to think this whole joke started because of a taylor song.

user HE CALLED HIM A MUPPET!! THIS IS MONUMENTAL!

user lando is oscar and amelia's biggest defender, you can't change my mind.

↳ user it's oscmelia girl, get it right.

↳ user you're right my bad, terribly sorry.

harrison osterfield i don't exactly appreciate your friend and boyfriend calling me a dick online.

amelia holland and i didn't appreciate being strung along for almost 2 years...

sam holland HOW LONG?

tom holland but he was with his ex for almost a year?

tuwaine barrett oh damn

harry holland you have got to be fucking kidding me harrison.

zendaya never trust blonde men with blue eyes

amelia holland what about max and logan? zendaya never trust blonde men with blue eyes whose name starts with an h or a j. those two you can trust.

tom holland by the way how's oscar doing? we watched the race.

amelia holland a bit bummed about the dnf but that's the way things go in this sport. besides it's not like it can get any worse than this.

TWO HOURS LATER

amelia holland HOW COULD I BE SO FUCKING WRONG?!

ameliaholland posted new stories

💋 i'm totally going to lose tonight... you're looking at the winner of the bowling tournament. it was luck really, but operation cheer up charles and oscar was a success.

taglist: @six-call @1nt3rnetgf @fernandoswarcrimes @skynel09 @arieltwvdtohamflash @Mimolovescookies @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @woozarts @dear-fifi @tygecjjd @cataf1 @nothaqks @caipng @nataliambc @formulaal @lichterfee @prongsvault @kaa212 @anxxiousaries @julesbabey1 @julesbabey @georgeparisole @hobiismyhopeu @melissayalene @nikfigueiredo @bella-1 @nichmeddar @namgification @anniemae299

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! just when you think he can't get any worse, he does! i have very strong opinions about texas, in case that wasn't obvious. texas was my breaking point + brazil, in case you couldn't tell who my favorite drivers were, you do now.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[destinygoldenstar]

☀️This Jake Stan Is Routing For Him To Take REVENGE☀️ - Total Drama Viewer Reacts to Disventure Camp Season 1 Episode 11 “Lights Out”

(EDIT after reaction, again. There's ONE POINT in this reaction where I just... BREAK, Get so bloody pissed. It's personal stuff I got triggered by. So... be aware when that comes. You might know what scene it is.)

Jake gets slay pass.

I don’t make the rules. Jake gets slay pass. And he better use it

🔥OPERATION GET REVENGE ON ELLIE IS A GO🔥

And at the end of last episode Jake said he wanted revenge, so YEAH. I'M SUPPORTING HIM WANTING THAT.

I don't hate Ellie, but what she did was screwed up. Gaslight your friend with their personal trauma and ruin their relationship with someone, all for your own personal benefit? Yeah. YOU BETTER BE SLEEPING WITH ONE EYE OPEN TONIGHT.

SHE BETTER PAY

Okay I'll specify. I don't THINK she's going, that would be way too obvious and easy. So it's a, "I don't necessarily have to win, I just have to make sure you lose" situation.

Jake doesn't have to get Ellie eliminated. He just needs to make sure revenge is served hot.

And don't go after Gabby. She did nothing wrong.

I will make it clear, cause last episode it might have been confusing how I worded it: Jake is NOT 100% 'the victim' here. He was stupid, he's the reason their evil plot even worked in the first place. Being traumatized is not an excuse for impulsive behavior. Being gay is not an excuse, either. I'M AWARE OF THAT. But did he do anything to DESERVE this prior?

Did he target you? No?

Did he personally go after YOUR relationship with your partner for the sake of the game, Ellie? No?

Did he ever treat you like shit? No?

SO WHAT THE HELL?

Oh god, I'm already fueled up with fire and my eyes are crusty cause I woke up an hour ago. It's morning where I'm at. I know. Weird for me.

So lets get into it and see some chaos unfold.

*I got an ad for an ice drink*

Okay even the episode itself is telling me, "GOLDEN, YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN."

"I said I'm sorry."

Oh my god we're jumping right into this. Here we go.

"Do you have any idea what you did? You got Tom mad at me AND you voted him out!"

"Do you think I get some sick pleasure from this?"

"Maybe you do!"

"I feel terrible, Jake."

"Oh don't pull that crap with me!"

"You can't just say 'I'm sowwy' and expect me to forgive you for something that HURT ME THAT BADLY."

...

Flash back to every time Jake said sowwy and didn't get forgiven.

BUT despite the hypocrisy, I'm still on his side in this argument. I'm sorry. He has every right to be pissed.

"God will those two ever shut up?!"

YOU CAUSED THIS. YOU TOLD ELLIE TO DO THAT TO HIM.

YOU SHUT UP.

"And you two, why should I ever trust you again?!"

YOU SHOULDN'T.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED THEM AFTER THE FIRST BETRAYAL.

"Wow, Ellie's mad that someone lied to her."

"Wow, what a damn hypocrite you both are. Who would've thought?"

They're BOTH stupid, okay?

Miriam's just walking by completely out of this XD

"Eh I'm chilling. Where's my coffee? Elders can drink coffee, right? I'm just chilling and making white noise out of this."

"Smell that? That's the smell of tension."

...I need to get a Febreze in my room.

"And none of it is targeted at me!"

...

HOW?!?!?!

HOW IS NO ONE AFTER YOU?!?!?!?!

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?!?!?!

YOU SHOULD HAVE THE BIGGEST TARGET ON YOUR BACK!!!!!

YOU MADE THE PLAN. YOU BETRAYED SEVERAL PEOPLE. YOU CAUSED THIS FIGHT. YOU DECIEVED EVERYONE IN THAT ELIMINATION.

HOW IS NO ONE AFTER YOU?! THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

"Don't you get it Golden? I'm the villain! Therefore I'm completely excused for everything I've done!"

SURE. EXCUSE THE BEHAVIOR OF THE ONE PERSON WHO ORCHESTRATED THE WHOLE THING.

SURE.

"You know this is your fault, right?"

THANK YOU, MIRIAM.

"I know."

I know too. She DOES feel guilty, I'll give her that.

"You know, at one point, I thought I could trust you, and maybe I was too quick to judge you. But you've proven you're just like Grett, Fiore, and Alec. You're a no good trouble maker. Anything to win money, right? Shows your character through and through."

👏

THANK YOU. CALL HER OUT ON HER BULLSHIT.

THIS IS GOOD.

THIS IS GOOD CALLING OUT.

"Okay, I'm not about to be shamed for wanting to win. As if you don't?!"

Oh come on Ellie. You know she's right.

LISTEN TO MIRIAM. She's calling you out to try and HELP YOU BE BETTER.

She's not saying this to hurt you.

"Why would you vote with them in the first place? They betrayed you."

THANK YOU. FACTS.

"After we voted out Fiore and Alec, who would've been next?"

Depends. Depends what the challenge was and what the relationships were.

"Alright, fine, it would've been you."

"See why I did what I did?"

Yes.

But you could've done it WITHOUT HURTING PEOPLE.

"It doesn't bother me that you kicked Tom out. It's a game after all. But maybe you should've done things in a way where they wouldn't get hurt."

👏

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

YOU COULD'VE JUST STOLE THE FUCKING IDOL.

"It was the only way, Miriam. I'm sorry."

NO IT WASN'T.

Are we SERIOUSLY going to say "But Ellie was just playing the game, so it doesn't count."

Was Jake and Tom's relationship 'just a game?' She didn't have to go the personal route. She could've just stolen that motherfucking idol and all her problems would've been solved.

Yes I'm still calling that out. Add that to the counter I did.

But look, I'm SO HAPPY that Ellie at least got called out on her bullshit... even if that got twisted in her favor.

There's slandering people and intentionally hurting them, and then there's calling them out when they did something wrong because they care about you and want you to be better.

MIRIAM WAS CLEARLY DOING THE LATTER.

SHE CARES. SHE WANTS TO HELP YOU NOT MAKE THESE MISTAKES AGAIN. LISTEN TO HER.

I hope this episode at least ends with Ellie taking what Miriam said to account and realizing she was right. That would be WONDERFUL.

I know you're better than this, Ellie!

PLEASE ELLIE. SEE THE LIGHT.🙏

"There is no light, so it's impossible to navigate without a flashlight."

That sounds like a safety hazard.

"Two of them contain drained flashlights."

Um... I count three, your honor.

That's an animation error.

"You will have to trust each other to share items as you make your way to the surface."

OH I KNOW WHERE THAT'S GOING...

It sucks cause I think both Jake AND Ellie need that immunity more than the others.

UM, THAT'S LIFE THREATENING. WHAT?!

IS THAT A SCORPION?!?!

*Gets a 'take your style quiz' ad*

No THAT's the monster. Gotcha.

Why am I getting so many ads today?

"Trust others? I can't name one person I trust here."

Okay, yeah, she has a point there.

"Two of them are backstabbers, one of them is pissed at me, and the grandma is a grandma."

YEP THAT'S A SCORPION

Oh, BYE ELLIE XD

Is this cause I gave Jake slay pass?

I know HE didn't do this, but uh...

"You know, Golden told me to get revenge on Ellie, well here you go."

I DIDN'T MEAN KILL HER.

Well shit. Let me guess, Ellie has the batteries.

"We can find the exit without a flashlight!"

What are you gonna use? The wall? Idk how helpful that is.

Oh, Ellie doesn't have batteries. Okay... how is that gonna work, then?

*SQUIRMING* THAT'S TERRIFYING...

IDK IF I SHOULD CHEER CAUSE ITS FIORE OR FEEL BAD FOR HER CAUSE ITS A KID-

"I'm not leaving you!"

AW WAIT, SHE CARES ABOUT HIM?! WHAT?!

"Why did I feel worried when Alec got attacked by the scorpion? It's like I... cared about his well being? Weird."

Well... I'll be damned.

I thought didn't care shit about Alec. Huh.

Villain found family.

MY GUY. YOU ARE A BEAST.

FIGHTING A BEAST.

"What's wrong? I heard screams around here."

XD

THE DEAD PANNED WAY SHE SAID THAT.

"Oh. You. See ya."

XD

OKAY, THAT'S DESERVED. HONESTLY.

"There's a scorpion here."

"More reason to dip."

"I'm gonna DIE."

"See you in hell."

...actually, it would be fucked up if you left him to DIE, so...

But ditch him afterwards.

"This way!"

*Doordash ad*

"LET'S GO GET DOORDASH!" XD

"Not another scorpion, please..."

OH IT'S WORSE THAN A SCORPION MY GUY XD

"...kinda wish it was now."

XD

"Give me your flashlight. I can guide you along the way."

Uh, how do I put this? NO.

"Do you think we're gonna trust you?"

"Cause uh, I think I learned something from last time!"

"I can't steal your flashlight! I'm small! If I try to run away with it you'll catch up to me quickly."

Uh, yeah no. Still not buying it.

"I hate to say it, but the girl's got a point, Jake. Give her your flashlight."

"But-"

"Just give it to her."

Oh my god Miriam...

LET ME GUESS, SHE'S GONNA DIP, AND THEY'RE GONNA SAY IT WAS JAKE'S FAULT

Even though JAKE was the one that was NOT trusting her, and MIRIAM was the one who agreed to it.

"It's obvious I'll do my best to leave them the first chance I get. They're the fools for trusting me again."

Yeah, they're... oh my god.

If it's entirely Jake's fault, MAKE IT ENTIRELY JAKE'S FAULT, is all I'm saying.

If you want to paint the narrative that Jake is a gullible moron who believes EVERYTHING he's told. Fine. Then swap the dialogue here and have Jake be the one to suggest giving the light to her. Then I'll believe it was entirely his fault. THAT'S NOT HARD.

If you want me to hate Jake, MAKE ME HATE JAKE.

OH HEY!

I thought you guys were eliminated! What are you doing here?

OH SHIT...

Um...

I didn't think we'd be dealing with MURDERERS...

Holy shit this just got a lot darker.

"When I found out at the hotel that Derek and Trevor were exterminating the animals in the forest, I was about to take justice into my own hands! But I remembered that the last time I tried, things didn't end well..."

"And how did you know it was them?"

"I may or may not have threatened the hotel receptionists so they would tell me the truth."

Oh my god Gabby, I love you XD

"I did all your spy work for you! You're welcome! Torture always works!"

(No it doesn't)

"I wanted to call the police! But with my record, I knew they wouldn't listen to me, so I remembered that you're a cop."

So Gabby's a delinquent...

Honestly I'm not surprised.

Also Tom was a spy, where'd you get this from?

"Then what are you? A ninja?"

XD

THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING THIS ENTIRE TIME.

"I saved your life. You should thank me."

Facts.

"I can't believe I'm forced to work with you again."

I know. It sucks. You really should ditch him.

"Calm down. You're acting like Jake."

OH SHUT UP. YOU DESERVE IT.

"Listen Ellie, I still think back to the early days, when we were the two outcasts of Team Purple-"

LA LA LA LA LA, I'M NOT LISTENING.

NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.

YOU HAD YOUR SHOT ALEC.

YOU HAD THREE SHOTS, ALEC.

THREE STRIKES. YOU'RE OUT.

I'M NOT LISTENING.

"What do they teach you in school nowadays?"

Bunch of useless shit, let me tell ya

Ditch him. Ditch him. Ditch him.

YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!

OH THAT'S SATISFYING!!

OH I LOVE THAT

Why is Ellie being such a girlboss this episode? XD

And after I swore revenge on her at the start too

"Bye Alec."

"Oh fuck you."

XD

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET.

YOU DESERVED THAT.

Ellie is seeing the light and I'm gonna be proud of her if she does!

"I think we should take the path to the left."

You guys can SEE the light, right?

Fiore can't really trick you with the light source, can she?

"Gays and boomers first."

AYO. THAT'S OFFENSIVE.

"You did put the batteries in, right? I can barely see a thing."

Again, Jake is the 'moron' quote on quote, but he's the one questioning this shit.

NO JAKE

Oh please tell me he didn't DIE from that.

Fuck you, Fiore.

I don't care that you're a kid. Fuck you.

"You meant for this to happen, didn't you, you brat?!"

Is Miriam gonna beat her ass? PLEASE.

XD

YES! GET. HER. ASS. MIRIAM.

GET HER ASS!!

"I should call child protective services on you, you know?!"

Is that directed at Miriam or me cause I'm routing for Miriam to hurt you?

Would love to see that in court.

"Did you attempt murder on Mr. Jake... whatever his last name is?"

"Um, I'm a kid your honor."

"I'm going to take that as a yes."

OH. HELLO.

THIS IS CONVENIENT.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

"Like you care."

And here we go.

He's still mad at you. For good reason.

"No thanks, I'd rather be in the dark than-"

*Ad on a hurricane*

He'd rather be in the dark than in a hurricane. Honestly, fair.

Okay she saved him.

See, she ain't gonna leave you for dead.

Aw, Alec being so worried about Fiore though...

Damn. They actually have a bond. Who would've thought?

"Go for immunity! We can't let Ellie or Jake win."

I hope Jake DOES get immunity. HE NEEDS IT.

"And don't even get me started on what annoys me the most about you..."

Ellie looks so done.

"UGH, consequences for my actions SUCK."

"Bruh? Why you pissed? I only took advantage of you, triggered some PTSD, betrayed your trust, lied to you, and ruined your relationship for my own personal benefit to win money. You ask me, you being pissed at me IS TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR."

"I WAS THE PLAYING THE GAME. THEREFORE, IT DOESN'T COUNT."

I imagine they were there for hours of Jake just nonstop ranting.

"I hope you know, Ellie, I am PISSED at you. And Golden told me that she wants me to give you karma. Well here it is! I WILL NOT SHUT UP FOR THE REST OF THE TRIP."

"Tom warned me about you, and I decided 'Huh, you know what? Ellie isn't such a bad person.' Of course Tom was right. He's always right. And now, because of you, he won't ever talk to me again! You were never hurt like I was. You don't know what it feels like to be cheated on!"

Honestly, EVERYTHING he said there was just FACTS.

Ellie, you screwed him up beyond repair. That needs to be made clear to her.

Though I will say this: Trauma and being gay is not an excuse XD

He IS wrong on that front.

Oh they made it. Cool.

Who gets the immunity though?

Talk it out? Please?

"Only one of us can win..."

"If you give this to me, maybe I'll forgive you."

Yeah, he does need it.

The opportunity is open, Ellie! Redeem yourself!

COME HOME. COME TO THE LIGHT. GET YOUR FRIENDS BACK.

"You know what? You can eat shit and die."

WHAT?!?!?! ELLIE NOOOO

NO YOU WERE DOING GOOD

WHY?!?!?!?!

"And 'BOO HOO, AWWW, I GOT CHEATED ON'. GROW THE HELL UP JAKE."

WHAT THE FUCK?! 😠

"You say you're a victim, but you're really just a sponge for drama. You feed off the smallest setbacks, acting as if the world's against you."

😠

"Tom probably saw it too."

DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT TO HIM.

"You have no right to shame me."

YOU HURT HIM. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!

"After you voted out Gabby, I never pulled this on you, cause I have some sense to not be a dick."

BULL. SHIT. 😡 THAT WAS FIORE AND ALEC.

"Maybe if you weren't so annoying, your boyfriend wouldn't have cheated on you."

*Paused the Episode on this frame*

...

So, this is being written TEN MINUTES after I paused the episode in that frame.

What happened in between that ten minutes was that I PAUSED the episode, got out of my seat paced around my room in rage, SCREAMED THE F WORD, I'm lucky my family isn't home at the moment so they can't hear me, and I left the room and paced around in my kitchen to calm down because I felt SICK, HURT, TRIGGERED, and ATTACKED.

Not the writer's fault. They don't know. But... OMG

YOU. YOOOOOUUUUUU

YOU CANNOT DO THAT

I am VERY EMOTIONAL in this segment if you can't tell.

YOU CANNOT SAY THAT TO PEOPLE.

YOU CANNOT SAY THAT TO PEOPLE.

Maybe in a separate post, when I cooled my head, I'll talk about WHY this scene hurt me so much.

But my reason is not actually based off the characters. Roles swapped, I think I'd still react this way.

Bottom line is, remember when I said earlier that Miriam was calling Ellie out to help her?

THIS ISN'T THAT. THIS IS NOT 'ELLIE CALLING JAKE OUT ON HIS BULLSHIT', THIS IS NOT 'ELLIE GIRLBOSS MOMENT'. THIS IS SHAMING.

This is SHAMING someone with serious mental problems that need help.

This is not 'Oh, Ellie's ROASTING Jake right now, what a powerful moment for her! Hell ya, he deserved it!'

THIS TRIGGERED ME.

I actually KNEW this scene existed before I watched the show. But I had no context, didn't know what episode it was, didn't know when it showed up, and I didn't remember the exact dialogue. But it was in a clip of a reaction that was cheering for Ellie doing this.

I won't give names, I won't throw hands, that's not their fault if they see it that way. This is just VERY PERSONAL FOR ME.

I won't give massive details, because it's so personal, but why it triggered me? I HAVE BEEN THERE IN MY LIFE.

I HAVE BEEN THERE YEARS AGO, MULTIPLE TIMES, WITH MULTIPLE PEOPLE DOING THIS SHIT TO ME. Acting JUST LIKE how Ellie does here, towards me.

It caused me a lot of problems growing up. My family AGREED with the people doing that, so that was not fun. They said 'I needed to hear this. I deserved it.'

So I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. This shit does no favors to the person you're 'roasting'. If anything, this makes the behavior you're calling out WORSE. They act even MORE like this whiny bratty type as a way to cope with the thought that everyone hates them!

ELLIE. YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

THAT HURTS PEOPLE.

I DON'T CARE IF IT'S JAKE. I DON'T CARE IF YOU HATE JAKE. THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

YOU CAN'T SAY THAT TO PEOPLE.

I'm not saying Jake is innocent and doesn't deserve calling out. BUT, THAT'S NOW HOW YOU DO IT

EVERYTHING Ellie said in that was just... ANGERED ME. IT ANGERED ME.

I gotta calm down. I'm sorry. I gotta calm down. Peace.

(That time card isn't an exaggeration)

I'm calm. I'm okay. I went for a walk. I got some lunch. I'm good.

Fuck you, Ellie.

I can finish the episode.

Oh.

I thought Ellie was gonna get immunity. Guess not.

Wow, actually, thinking about it, she would've gotten immunity, something good for her game, if she DIDN'T waste time saying all that shit to Jake.

She could've just said "lol nope", shoved him, and then LEFT.

And she would've gotten immunity.

But no. She had to psychologically damage Jake instead. That was more important.

'For the game' my ass.

"Once again, Ellie proved what a backstabber she is. But at least this time, she didn't get away with it."

I don't want to say 'for no reason', cause you WERE being a bitch to her. But at the end of the day, you vote her off...

Unless she sides with the villains again...

Shit...

Ooooooooooooooooooooooohhh shit.

I think this is it for Jake.

"Am I nervous about tonight's vote? Yes. I feel like I have no control. It all depends on Fiore and Alec."

That's true. They could vote Miriam. Or you.

Cause you and Jake are sure not as hell voting together after you both pull that shit on each other.

"In just a few short days, me and Fiore went from enemy number one to being the ones in control."

I know. That's crazy.

You guys orchestrated the whole thing, confessed that, and no one went after you. That's crazy.

Oooooooohh god...

I'm actually feeling kinda hopeless.

I think I know who it is.

'JAKE'

Yeah...

'ELLIE'

Should've went for the gold.

'ELLIE'

'JAKE'

Aaaaaaaannnnnd I know Fiore's handwriting at this point.

It's over.

*Long Depressed Sigh*

...I knew it.

We didn't get revenge. Goddammit.

"Whatever. I don't care."

"Spoken like a man who cares."

"Miriam, I'm so sorry to be leaving you. Maybe if I had taken things differently, none of this would've happened."

Yeah...

"Thank you so much for supporting me. Everything from my grandmother to Tom..."

Oh come on, don't make this sad for me.

"Don't fret, kid. I thought I wouldn't open up to anyone here. But you were patient with me, and taught me that I shouldn't judge people so quickly."

Yeah. He's chaotic like that.

"You may be down, but you're not out. Play your butt off Miriam. We'll see each other when this is all over, okay?"

Yes. Win for them, Miriam.

Awwwwwwww💗

...damn. I'm gonna miss that trainwreck.

"These people voted out Tom and Jake. They've fooled me time and time again. They think my days are numbered, but they don't realize who they're messing with. No more Mrs. Nice Gran."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS

GRANDMA'S GONNA SLAY!!!!

Aaaaaaannnnnddd that's it.

Welp, all my favs are gone.

That's usually how it is, so I don't really care about that sort of thing.

Damn, Jake got a bad ending.

Either bro gets therapy, or he's coming back more hostile and broken and distrusting of everyone around him than ever before.

In that sense, I think Jake left the show with the worst outcome 😢

Part of that IS his fault, I admit. If he had just cooled off for two seconds and listened to Ellie, he would’ve survived and gotten a friend back. But no.

So as much as I hate the scene, I admit I DO LIKE the idea of Jake getting called out for his bullshit. In any other circumstance, HE WOULD DESERVE IT.

BUT HOLY SHIT ELLIE, IF THAT WAS YOUR INTENT THAT WAS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT.

I can totally imagine that Jake comes back in a future season and he’s this bitter, hostile, whiny, “Don’t trust anyone. Everybody is out to get me. Everybody is an enemy who wants to hurt me.” And being even MORE unpleasant for his peers than he is in this season. (Except with Miriam) And a deeper layer being him acting that way because of self loathing. “Ellie was right. I am a dick. I don’t deserve to be loved at all. I’m going to be alone in the end.”

I would hate it, that would probably be obnoxious depending on execution, but I think that would be a consistent writing transition. (Again, kinda like Teruko)

So… I didn’t think I was gonna like Jake as much as I did. I mentioned before but I saw some out of context clips, some of them being only about hatred towards Jake and that calling out scene. So I thought, cause I didn’t know context, “Oh, he’s probably this massive dickhole of a person.”

And then I watch it for myself and look where we are. I love this trainwreck.

Not in the sense of “Cinnamon roll baby girl did nothing wrong and his trauma excuses him of all his actions” Cause uh… hell no.

It was just very refreshing for me to have a character whose experiences and issues actually make them hard to deal with and messy and ‘annoying’. Especially for someone like me who didn’t have exact experiences but also acted like that years ago until I got help.

There’s a GREAT VIDEO that really fits this topic, I’ll put it here. It’s about flawed characters and the discourse surrounding them.

(This also works for Ellie, and other characters in this show too.)

I defended him when no one else did. Till the end. I did it. I did the impossible. Hello. I’m a Stan.

Fuck you, Ellie. Fuck. You.

Okay I have two different takes, objective and subjective.

Subjectively I think I hate her now. Just cause of that scene being WRONG on so many levels.

But objectively I see her POV in the sense of “She’s too far gone”. And Jake was giving her shit. And she didn’t want to listen to Miriam. I said this last time. This is a cool concept for a character and I’m down for it.

But yeah, she’s too far gone.

Right now, if I was being subjective she’d be an F tier just for that scene alone.

/j. CALM DOWN.

But she is one of the more interesting and intriguing characters left, and I do think she has a chance to win still.

In Total Drama, they usually DON’T let villain/morally grey characters win just because that’s an ‘unpleasant ending’. Unless it’s Heather, but even then that’s… debatable cause of the season.

But you know, this is an indie show. They can do whatever they want. So who knows.

Miriam’s gotta get revenge on her though. She’s our only hope.

Jake passed on the slay pass to Grandma Miriam, and trust me. SHES COMING FOR YOU ALL.

If you guys want me to continue these reactions, be sure to let me know.

[comfortablecomfort]

Tord's Discovery

(*inhale* It's time. This is my first fic with Tord as a ler or lee. I know I technically put him in a fic by adding his female counterpart, but whatever. Enjoy, but warning their is some slightly different stuff being included in this, it also has feet tickles.)

Ler: Tord

Lee: Tom

It's been an hour, Edd and Matt haven't returned home yet.

Tom sighed and looked at the clock.

"Hm, they should be back by now." Tom said

He DID enjoy the peace and quiet, but he kinda missed them.. Oh well

But little did Tom know, that his peace was about to be altered.

"Thank God honestly, I deserve a break from those two screaming and forcing me to-"

Just before he could continue his little rant, Tom heard some muttering and rattling.

"Hello? Edd? Matt?" The noise startled him

There was no response, now this was getting weird.

Tom slowly got up from the couch, grabbing a harpoon and making his way towards the noises.

"Guys, this better not be another prank... or I swear to God." Tom muttered

When he finally reached the noises, he Shouted.

"WHO GOES THERE?!" pointing his harpoon at the possible intruder

And when he looked, there was a shadow of a familiar face.

But there was something different about this shadow.

It wasn't Edd or Matt at all, it was another face he knew, he despised looking at, someone he will never consider a friend.

It was none other than...

"Oh! Hello, Old Friend~"

Tord, it was Tord

Tom nearly dropped his Harpoon at the sight of his enemy.

"T-Tord?!" Tom asked in disbelief

"Wasn't expecting you to find me, Jehovah's Witness. I thought you and the other two were out." Tord said

"What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were gonna "making it in the big city." Tom asked

"Oh, I'm just getting something I left behind, nothing huge." Tord said simply, but something felt off

"Okay, why is that "something" in my room?" Tom asked with suspicion

"Well, this was originally my room.. wasn't it? I just forgot to take it with me when I left." Tord said in a once again simple tone.

"Bull." Tom had enough of Tord's supposed lies

"Pardon?" Tord asked

"You expect me to believe the shit you're saying right now? If you left something behind, you wouldn't sneak in to get it, commie." Tom scoffed

"Well, this thing isn't just a normal little object-"

"Well, when Edd and Matt get back, they might wanna figure this out." Tom said

Tord growled, he's been discovered by his enemy, and Edd and Matt could come home any moment now. He had to think fast.

But what should he do? Attack Tom? Tie Him Up so he doesn't rat him out?

"Well Tom, we're both pretty lucky that Edd and Matt aren't home at the moment." Tord teased

"What are you saying?" Tom asked, even more suspicious now.

"Well, this thing I'm looking for is very is very important to me, and I can't have you telling anyone about this, can I?" Tord asked, moving closer and closer to Tom.

Tom kept backing away, Harpoon back in hand.

"H-Hey! What do you think your doing?! Back off you-"

Tom was immediately cut off as Tord grabbed his arms and legs and tied him in an eagle position.

"What the hell?! Let me go you piece of shit!" Tom fumbled angrily as he tried to free himself.

"Well, that's better." Tord grinned at Tom's position

"What are you gonna do? Kill me?!" Tom asked, livid

"Well, I can't just leave you here without inflicting something.. so I'm not sure..." Tord was stuck, now what should he do?

But then he noticed Tom's exposed belly slightly showing.

Without warning, he squeezed Tom's side.

"Pfft, D-Don't do that!" Tom tried not to giggle at the tickly touch.

"Here's a question for you Thomas, are you ticklish?" Tord asked that hell that was a question.

"N-No! I'm not, now get me out of this!" Tom demanded

Tord rolled his eyes and prodded Tom's hips

"You're not a very good liar, Jehovah's witness." He teased, and Tom held it in

"Pffft, MHMHMHMH D-Dohon- *snrk*"

Tom was grinning but struggling to hold it in, he did NOT wanna get defeated like this.

"Look at you, trying to keep it in. Don't keep it in Tom, I already found out." Tord picked up the pace, and Tom was already starting to lose it.

"Wahahait! N-NAHAHA." Tom let out giggles, dammit

"There we go, that wasn't so hard..." Tord remarked

"SHUHUT-"

"Where else are you sensitive, hm?" Tord searched everywhere for a potential weak spot, he settled for the underarms

Tom already attempted to kick the Norsk off him

"STAHAHAHAP IHIHIT! YOU DIHIHIRTY COHOMMIE!" Tom screeched and kicked, but to no avail

"You better watch that tone of yours, I could do this for as much as I can." Tord teased, though he did have a time limit.

"NOHOHOHO, YOU CAHAHAN'T, I SWEHEAR WHEN I GEHEHET OUT OF THIS!" Tom laughed with a slight warning thrown in there.

"What a sight, but I'm not done yet... I wonder if I can find a spot that makes you beg." Tord stopped and looked around again

"D-Do your worst, you son of a bitch." Tom snarked

Tord paused for a moment

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?" Tord asked in a cold tone

"I said, Do your worst you son of a bitch." Tom replied witha similar tone and a cocky smile.

That. Was. It.

Tord looked down at Tom's feet and wondered if this would work.

"Y'know, I haven't tried this spot yet."

Tord started undoing Tom's shoes and threw them to the floor, scoffing at Tom's checkered socks.

Tom immediately panicked when Tord reached for his socks.

"No! Wait!" Tom was about to beg

"Yes?" Tord ask with Tom's original cocky tone

"D-Don't touch my feet, I'll die." Tom begged with a slight sigh, Tord chuckled at this priceless situation

"Now you're scared? I had a feeling you'd regret saying what you said." Tord slipped of Tom's checkered socks and threw them to the floor as well.

Tom bit his lip and prepared for the worst, but raised an eyebrow when Tord reached into his pocket.

He pulled out a long quill

"Edd found this on a beach and gave this to me as a good luck charm, I kept it in case I needed it, and now's the perfect opportunity." Tord explained

Without another warning, Tord leaned down and scribbled his fingers all over Tom's soles, and the pineapple man burst.

"EEEEAHAHAHAHA N-N-NO! TOHOHOHORD- TOHOHORD NAHAHA!" Tom begged and chortled

"I'm waiting for the begging." Tord teased and used the quill to target Tom's right foot.

"NAHAHAHAT THAHAT ANYTHING BUT THAHAT! STAHAHAP NAHA!" Tom laughed and shaked his head, trying to free himself from the restraints.

"This is quite the discovery. Who knew you'd be so ticklish, Tom?" Tord asked with a tease being hinted.

Tord turned the quill around and used it's end to target every part of Tom's sole, from his arches to right underneath the toes.

From the intensity from the quill, and the constant teasing. Tom was actually breaking.

"NOHOHOHO MOHOHORE! PLEHEHEASE NOHOHO MOHOHORE!" Tom begged and gasped for air. Thankfully for him, Tord slowed down.

"Yeah, I'm getting a bit exhausted as well." Tord finally let up and took at good look at Tom

His face was red and stained with tears of laughter, he was sweating too. He breathed heavily when he let up.

"Well, I think I should get back to what I was doing. I'll be taking this." Tord said as he picked up Tom's harpoon.

"Anyway, I got what I came for." Tord headed to Tom's room.

"W-Wait! You're gonna leave me here?!" Tom asked, getting upset again.

"Of Course, you think i'd untie you after all of this? I'll leave you there for Edd and Matt to find. I'm off now, so long Jehovah's Witness." Tord taunted as he finally opened Tom's locked door, and entered as soon as possible.

Tom was at his breaking point, he felt himself being blessed as soon as he heard a car parking outside. Edd and Matt finally arrived home, but stared in shock at their captured friend.

"Tom! Are you okay?! What happened? Why are you tied up?" Edd asked with great concern, undoing Tom's binds.

Tom could only tell his roommates one thing.

"He's Back."

The three panicked when they felt the house rumble.

(Finally Fucking Done, this is probably the longest fic I wrote. I'm not a huge fan of Tord. So that explains why this is his first ever fic. Also, sorry if you don't like this fic. I tried to make it as SFW as possible, so I hope you don't mind. Bye now.)

[gemsofthegalaxy]

PLEASE talk more about tomgreg in prison together i literally love this au 🙏🙏 or if you/anyone else has fic recs of this au...😳😳 but im simply desperate to hear what other thoughts you have about it bc all your posts are spot on so far

So far I've only read one tomgreg prison fic and it was a smutty one-shot called Orange is The New Greg, I did enjoy it. I have written also a fic where tom and greg fuck under the guise of Greg preparing for prison but that's only tangentially related and is not close to the vibe i'm thinking of if they actually did go to prison together,

especially because it would split off before season 4 I think I'd play with that more season 3 characterization but I would definitely keep the aspect where,

Tom, I think, would find it hard to ingratiate himself to the right people, because he'd be too transparent- the very cursory glance i did at "white collar prisons" and prison consultant stuff said "in a low security prison camp it's a mistake to think they're all white-collar it's definitely not like that, there are people from a range of walks of life" and that you're not supposed to suck up to the Correctional Officers but to the other prisoners. Tom would be too polite to the COs because authority figures and then they'd like him, and Greg would just be like "Dude you were specifically told" and Tom would be like "shut the fuck up"

i think Greg would be 500X better at getting in with other prisoners because he remembers normal life and can be very non-threatening on purpose and unintentionally whereas Tom would probably be too formal and just wonky and weird with people because he's so uncomfortable. Greg would have to be the one pulling for him all the time and that would be supremely funny and bruise Tom's ego for a while until he's like actually screw it i'll be sporus and you protect me this is fucking fine (that would take a while to get to that point)

Tom also can't risk beating Greg's ass into the ground because he knows he wouldn't survive solitary confinement for more than five minutes and Greg also knows this so would probably be more than happy to continue to annoy the shit out of him whenever he wants.

Tom complains incessantly about the prison food and Greg thinks it is "really not so bad Tom honestly" and then talks about how he's happily lived on Mr. Noodles for years anyway so, you know. but then Greg is still the one to get them in with the prisoners who barter, grow, and cook some of their own, better, food.

insofar as their sexual relationship, I do think they would start up fooling around early and it would be one of Tom's only solaces in this blasted place.

and that Greg would be the one to be like "Should we try to trade for, like... lotion and uh condoms.. and stuff" (angling to get fucked, obvi) and Tom is like "absolutely not people can't know we're fucking?" and Greg is like "literally why not?? are you seriously ashamed of this? half he people here are fucking, what the fuck" and Tom is like "more because it's illegal for us to be having sex??" and Greg is like "what?" and Tom is like "did you even listen when you were outlined what behaviours we forbidden from exhibiting?" and Greg is like "there are a lot of rules, okay, dont judge me. but like. seriously even if it's consensual? it's illegal?" and tom is like "YES because they wouldn't be able to tell if I'd coerced you" and Greg is like "okay but why would- by default- why would it be you coercing me" and Tom gives him a wicked look and calls says "Because you're the twink" which Greg also argues and says "I think I would know better if I'm a twink or not seeing as I'm..." and tom is like "What. Gay?" and Greg is like "UH?! clearly!?! ive sucked your dick every night the past week" and Tom is like "And i have yours, but I'm not gay" and Greg goes over to his bed and refuses to speak to Tom for the rest of the night and Tom thinks he should be happy with that outcome because he complains every single day that Greg won't shut up, but he really isn't.

[hunted-moth]

Forest Of Dreams Part One: A Shit Place

Summary// after the death of your older brother tom, you and Jake talk about life and catch up

Word Count// 1.3k words( 1,317 idk how to shorten it :| )

Warnings// Cursing, death(toms “funeral” and how he died), Bad writing(maybe), drinking, small fight scene- let me know if I should add anything else -3-

A/N // I want to be gay with Neytiri and I can only find poly reader stuff :’) so I’m writing it myself! But beware I’m dyslexic and had shit education so if it’s weird to read that’s why. Oh and the banner was made by me but the pics are from the game pandora rising and a clip from the movie

“YO TOM, I'M HOME, YA HERE?”

you said walking through the door, silence. ‘Strange, But oh well he's a grown man after all. He can do what he wants” you thought

as you walk to the kitchen to get something to eat and grab a drink. As you got to the fridge you saw a note:

‘Went to the store be right back for more food :D’

“oh, so that's where he is,” saying out loud. You open the fridge and grabbed a pop and a pudding cup and go to plop down on the couch. You just got back from your avatar training. You were going to Pandora as a Xenogeologist. you did ok with said training but the language was a bit difficult to grasp.

you finished the snack and opened a laptop to study and practice said language, but just as you were about to start, a knock at the door interrupted. A sigh escaped your lips as you got up and opened the door with some sass.

“Are you Y/N Sully” two men in suits greeted you at the door, “yeah what do you want?” attitude rolled off your tongue

“Is your brother Tom Sully, age 22”, “yeah, what about him?” you asked warily

“He’s dead, stabbed in a mugging gone wrong,” one agent said with zero emotion as if he had said it a dozen times already, “he's at the morgue if you'd like to see him,” the other said

*

At the morgue, you looked down at the box that was about to be pushed into the inferno you tried calling jake but he never answered

you looked over to see that none other than your older brother jake rolled in with two agents.

“We're looking for Sully T” the agent's voice boomed, you recognized them as an RDA agent.

“Yeah over here”.

“Jesus Tommy” “yeah, two cops came to our place, said he was stabbed by some thug for his cash” was all that was said between the two.

You heard the two agents talk to Jake about replacing Tom in the avatar program. You just tuned it out and thought of what to do, you had three days till you were shipped out. you had just graduated college a few months ago, so had a shit ton of free time. Then a thought popped into your head.

“Hey Jake, wanna go get a drink?” a smirk formed on your lips

“what? Aren't you 20 though” jakes face was confused, both from the fact he was already drunk and the fact you were two years younger than him

but with a shit-eating grin, you pulled out your wallet to show your fake ID

“don't worry, i'll be fine,” you said with a smile

“Jesus N/N” jake couldn't help but chuckle

“Relax, besides I turn 21 in a few months. Plus we get shipped out in three days, so why not live a little”

He only shook his head with a smile “fine” was his final answer

“nice let's go to this bar I know, two streets down I think”

Location–Cherry Tops Bar

“TO TOMMY” both of you toasted to his memory, then took a swig of the liquor

“So how’d you get a fake id,” he asked “ahh I knew some art majors back in college, had them whipped one up for me when I was 18”

“Good lord Y/N, you graduate high school at 16 with that brain of yours and you get an id to drink”

“Hey, at least I waited, 'cause I seem to remember you coming home drunk” pointing out his hypocrisy seemed to get a laugh outta ya.

Growing up it was just you three, so, of course, you'd pick up both traits of your brothers

“So how ya been anyway,” you asked Jake, the two of you hadn't talked in months. Jake sighed saying

“same old same old,” he said with a gloomy face

“ah well, that's gonna change in about three days and about 6 years from now” you both laughed with jake returning your question to you

“oh you know, I finished college about two months ago, Zoe and I broke up, and got my ears stretched” “oh you and Zoe broke up?” “yeah, just didn't feel anything anymore, plus I'm leaving for what 16-18 years so might as well call it off,” you said with a neutral expression, sure she was a nice girl beautiful too. There just wasn’t anything there anymore

As you and Jake were getting caught up in your lives, you felt a hand on your shoulder. You looked over to see some dude looking down at you with a stupid smile clearly drunk. You recognized him as a former classmate, he was a known creep who'd get up in everyone's space

“Ya need something dude?” there was a hint of annoyance in your tone as you shrugged off his hand

“yeah, Just need you in my bed tonight” he wore a sleazy grin while looking at your chest

“ah sorry man, I already got your Ma in mine, can't keep her waiting, right bro,” you said as you looked at your brother to continue your joked

“yeah sis, let's bounce and go to yours,” he said with a playful smirk

Obviously, he was a momma's boy and didn’t take kindly to calling his mom a whore as he looked at the two of you, he looked like he was about to punch you, and when he eventually did, you swung back faster.

Knocking him to the ground. His buds went to help him by knocking you down but Jake had your back by wheeling into them. You straddled the guy getting a few licks in before you were pulled off by the bouncer and you and Jake were thrown out. You got up laughing while helping Jake up.

“Why don't you crash at my place till it's time to go, bet you still live in that shoe box” you offered

“Yeah sure, i'll head to my place and pack up tomorrow” he agreed, and started rolling away

“sounds like a plan”

Location– Y/Ns and Tom's apartment

The apartment was small but still bigger than jakes. It had two rooms and a closed bathroom but was still small though with little space for anything else, but since Y/N and Tom were out of the house all the time it didn't matter.

“Hmm kinda cozy” jake commented

“Yeah, and pretty cheap for what it is. You can sleep on the couch ". You moved the coffee table so Jake could have a place for his wheelchair. Then retired to your room to sleep. As you were sleeping, you had a dream, you were in a jungle. You heard giggling and it ran off as you chased it into the forest. Then you woke up.

Location– Jakes Place

In the morning you and Jake went to his place to help him pack up.

“wow, I really do forget that you literally live in a shoe box” you looked around his place, it was an open floor plan, and very cramped

“shut up,” Jake said as he pinched you

“OW,” you yelped.

It was a quick activity as he didn't have much to his name. As you two head to your house you thought about the dream again. Jake noticed and asked:

“Hey, what's up? Been spacing off all morning,” he asked concerned

“hmm oh nothing, had that forest dream again,” you said nonchalantly as if it was breathing

“Wow, this is like what? The hundredth time” he joked. You've been having this dream since you were a kid. Sometimes you'd be flying, running, or swimming after someone. Your mother always said that it was god giving you dreams of the past, but you wrote it off as just a random recurring dream, stemming from the fact you like nature.

Jake only nodded as you two made it to your door. You decided to order some food and just relax for the day.

It felt weird to you, Jake and Tom were identical twins, but Jake had longish hair. So seeing him do the same routine as Tommy gave you a sense of Deja Vu.

Once you finished you retired to your room to get some studying in and rest. As of tomorrow, you and Jake would be put in cryosleep as you journeyed to pandora.

Next // PT 2 New Life New Dreams

Previous // N/A

Taglist//

//Masterlist//

A/N// First chapter :D good god is this short, this also might be bad…but oh well you start from somewhere lol and it will be longer lol

I've got some ideas for pt 2 but if you have some feel free to give them to me. Oh and this fic was inspired by ‘Dream Girl’ by omgkatherine01. Like I said inspired so some things might by similar haha

[meezer]

succession s4e5 spoilers

okay I'm gonna liveblog it all in this post. or try to.

GOD KENDALL SOOO IS IN HIS CUNT ERA AND I'M SO HAPPY. HE'S FLOURISHING AND IT'S TAKING ME TO ANOTHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE TO EVEN SEE IT

shiv is looking so good this episode holy shit the vest omg THE LEATHER JACKET HOLY FUUU

the inquisitive and pensive kendall..... endangered creature

unrelated to anything he did but. me and my friends would have killed hugo with hammers I can tell you that much

he's so angelic like a tulip encased in new frost

GAHAHAHAHAH KENDAAALL I feel like a protective mother over this. ce ai făcut ken unde ai călcat în noroi??

THIS JACKET HOLY FUCK. OKAY. NEED. HE ZIPPED UP THE CUNTY JACKET WHAT A SERVE

GAHAHAHAHAH. I'm so obsessed with this outfit goddd the glasses are so cunty too

WILLA IS IN HER MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS PRIMADONNA GIRL SLAY

GDSGJDKFJKL TOMMMM

oh okay so basically, mattson should kill himself

KENDALL!!!!!! he looks like a seal in the second pic JKLGDSJKG EMILY UNDERSTOOD WHAT I MEANT. YOU CAN SEE IT TOO RIGHT? I'm saying it as a compliment if it wasn't already obvious btw I would light a cigarette near a box of dynamite for him so.

god mattson is making me SO uncomfortable he's like. hanging out with a weird socially inept computer engineering major. sorry HE'S MAKING ME SO UNCOMFORTABLE. NOT JUST THE SHIV JOKE (THOUGH ALSO THAT YES VERY MUCH SO) BUT JUST THE VIBES GOD WHAT IS GOING ON.

"shareholders won't, like--"

"can I just interrupt--

"I'd rather you didn't but--"

"--you right there?"

"you already did, so..."

AND THEN THE "can I interrupt you and just say 'fuck off'?" HOLY FUUUCK GFDLJKGJDKFLJKGFD

stfuuuu his eyes BRO.

HAHAHHA "we keep one of his old sweaters, less racist" SHIVVVVVV THAT WAS SO FUNNY

SHIIIIIIT GREG DOING SPY WORK. HOLY FUCK. SPY ERA!!! started from the bottom now we're here...... AND NOW HE'S TRYING TO GET THE ROYS TO SPILL THE BEANS AND THEY'RE HAVING NONE OF IT JKGLFDKJGDFKGJDLGDKFH FAILBOY

hey mattson you should kill yourself NOW.

II'M LAUGHING SO HARD AT TOM AND GREG'S ANTICS HE DIDN'T HAVE TO PUT HIM ON THE SPOT LIKE THAT..... LAFF

OH MY GOD WHEN THEY MAKE FUN OF THEM IN SWEDISH THAT WAS BRUTAL. AND IT'S SUBTITLED BUT THE CHARACTERS DON'T KNOW WHAT'S BEING SAID. AND THEN KENDALL SAYS

ahahahHAHAHAHAHAHHA THE FOURTH WALL BRO THE FOURTH WALL. HOLY SHITTTT

KEN TAKING OFF HIS GLASSES AND GETTING SERIOUS AND GOING "you wanna do this here?" OH SHIT HE'S GOT HIS GAME FACE ON IT'S GETTING SERIOUS. LET'S DO THIS MY BROTHER

THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY MATTSON JUST USED VAULTER AGAINST KENDALL FUCK YOUUUU FUCK YOUR WHOLE LIFE

a local greg has been spotted talking to jess

my brother kendall and his brother roman WAIT OHHH MY GOD? HE WANTS TO ? ? ? OKAY. OKAYYYYY

bro is ethereal OKAY THEY WON'T LET ME DO ANYMORE IMAGES GKLJDSJKGSDLKJF THEY WANT TO SILENCE US. we must overthrow the culture of corruption that silences women. fear not brave warriors I will be back.

[cidnangarlond]

What were some of your fav films from last year, Jack? I haven't caught up on much of em yet so mine may just be the Weird Al biopic lol, but Glass Onion was fun too

See due to many reasons I wasn't able to go see really anything in theaters, if the movie had a theatrical release, so what I say here is based on opinions I've formed from various reviews, clips, posts, etc etc. That said, Glass Onion did seem to be a very good film, and the Weird Al "biopic" (I have it in quotes because making a movie about your life where every detail is completely wrong and is all fabricated on purpose is such an incredible move) I do very much need to see.

I did go and see The Batman in theaters which I enjoyed a lot and didn't even realize it was as long as it was. I did also see The Northman and enjoyed that too, but I do wish Mr. Skarsgard showed hog because it's only fair to have full-frontal male nudity if female actresses consistently do it. Barbarian I had a great time with because I'm familiar with the director-writer Zac Cregger's comedy work in Whitest Kids U' Know and it's great to see him transition into horror so smoothly.

Skinamarink personally is up there, people are of the opinion that it's a deeply polarizing movie and either you love it or hate it, and I loved it. I did also watch Banshees of Inisherin and didn't completely care for it or get the hype, I just wasn't crazy about it. Interesting story but I don't necessarily understand the amount of praise it gets, especially when people are praising Barry Keoghan for playing a man that is said to have some kind of mental slowness, or at least heavily implied, and people saying the scene between him and Kerry Condon where Dominic tries asking her out as she gently lets him down as "heartbreaking" like would it still be heartbreaking if he was just a guy and not "slow." It felt weird to see that opinion and people agree you know.

A lot of nominated and not nominated movies I still want to see when I have time, like X, Pearl, Everything Everywhere (desperately hoping it wins something major at the Oscars), Puss in Boots, Triangle of Sadness, Tár, Decision to Leave, another adaptation of All Quiet On The Western Front (but I still believe the 1930 adaptation will always be best regardless so I'm going into it biased here), Nope, RRR, Aftersun, The Menu, Babylon for shits and giggles.

I don't really care about The Whale because I'm not a fan of Darren Aronofsky - and people were saying The Whale felt exploitative, and it probably was because this is Aronofsky we're talking about what did you expect - likewise The Fablemans doesn't interest me I don't particularly care but I know Spielberg is going to get something because his name is attached to it aside from the fact it's a deeply personal movie but I'm just not interested. I'm not watching Top Gun: Maverick because I could not care less about it, Hollywood's nostalgia, Tom Cruise, and the insane amount of USAmerican military propaganda within it. The same goes for Avatar: The Way of Water because it's also shit and James Cameron's comments on Native Americans are deeply offensive and he should choke. I also don't care about Elvis but Hollywood loves a dead musician to make movies about

Unfortunately I do think Avatar, Top Gun, and Elvis will win a lot because The Academy is what it is, which is mostly rich, white, old nostalgia-loving people, which will be slowly but surely changing as the eldest members die off but it is what it is. I'd love Everything Everywhere to win a lot, I'd love to see Michelle Yeoh and Ke Huy Quan win, it'd be nice for Brendan Fraser to get an award but after what Hollywood did to him it would feel so disingenuous even if he did turn in what I heard to be an amazing performance. Jamie Lee Curtis is probably going to win Best Supporting Actress over Stephanie Hsu.

But these are just my thoughts and opinions and I would desperately love to be proven wrong dear god let the Academy prove me wrong. But after last year I am keeping my expectations so low. Take a shot for every joke or reference about "the slap" and you will be dead before the end of the night.

[adultswim2021]

VACATION

Oh, hello there. Oh, this? I'm just using this online shopping website to look at some birthday cards online. You see, it is my birthday on Thursday, and it's one of the ones where the number has a zero at the end of it, and I'm looking for the perfect card that I can demand my family and friends all buy for me, so I can have "one happening birthday". Finally!

I've taken some time off work, and I'm more-or-less going to dedicate the weekend to taking a couple of day trips and doing some other things I've put off for a while. And, I just realized, this would be much easier if I didn't have to worry about updating this while doing all that. So, I'm taking this week off, effective last night when I was GONNA do a post, but then I realized I didn't have all of my research materials handy, and it took all night to get those things downloaded, and then it was late, and also I wanted to watch seven episodes of "Tanner '88" instead.

So this is my announcement of my intent to not post, probably until next Monday. Some of you might say "that sucks dick", but it's a dick that we all have to suck.

So here's a big Mail Bag post:

In reference to my pondering about Marc Summer's absence in a Robot Chicken sketch about Double Dare:

apparently they did get marc summers for some later episode. i know this because i watched him interview tim heidecker on some webshow/podcast he has and i remember him bragging that he'd been on robot chicken and asking tim if he ever had, and tim kinda going "uhhh, no, i don't think so" lol

LOL. Tim & Eric couldn't be more at odds with Robot Chicken. I am going to guess that when they were younger and much more "punk rock" they probably shit talked them when being interviewed for cool magazines like Time or Zillions.

One time my job hired a guy with whom I had maybe one of the worst personality clashes I ever had (I am a demon from hell and I have zero ability to not show it when I'm annoyed or angry with somebody, sorry to that guy I wish I weren't like this okay), and he got it out of me that I liked Adult Swim and he immediately tried to talk to me about Robot Chicken, and I was like "I don't really watch that show" and he immediately asked "don't tell me you like that Tim & Eric crap!"

whats your favorite thing you bought at a second hand store to make yourself not look like a looky loo

I have a B&W video monitor I bought at a garage sale. It's beautiful, very flipable, but I paid 5 bucks for it and like how it looks. VHS tapes actually look amazing on it. I wanna figure out a way to rig it up with some kind of raspberry pi machine that just loops old cartoons on it or something.

did you do something to the banner? it seems more...expansive.

I tried to get it to display more "properly" because it bothered me how pixelated it looked but I think I sorta fucked it up. I tried to change it back but tumblr's edit feature sucks. I guess I should just do an AI upscale or something. But yes I shittily drew on it to make it look wider, you caught me.

Me love the way you walk sometimes The way you talk is so hot Now you know let’s have a shot of rum Then me can make you come With me to the ocean That would be phat You can be my bow cat Nice ital breeze Bring you to your knees We're jammin'

punani likers everywhere, this one is for us

That's Shenmue 3, dipshit

Dang it, you are right.

Brownies was probably the best episode they did that season and I was surprised they weren't willing to do that style of show for the entire series. It seemed more like what Adult Swim wanted from them?

Something for "da" stoners... as a weed-taker myself., I would have to agree!

When was the last time you POGGED off?

What bitch?

Lol I was being silly telling a stupid joke. Chapotraphouse has the ice cream as his sound bite now.

I tell you this guys, I had a weird dream that Toonami Tom said he would sponsor me I'd have to sell out and let him hold the Adult Swim 2021 brand. And I'd have to suck his dick. It was a disgusting dream. No Tom, I would never do that in real life.

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

[angelmavmurdock]

• It’s Always Been You •

WARNINGS: FLUFF, JEALOUS TOM

Tom watched you as your hair fell off of your shoulders as you flung your head back in laughter. Your ring covered hand touching Nate's bicep and Nate not-so-subtly staring at your breasts.

"Shit, that's my brother calling me back. It's been great seeing you, Y/N." Nate stood up from the barstool and you followed, hugging him tightly.

"It was great seeing you too, we should definitely meet up soon!" You smiled as you pulled away.

Tom rolled his eyes.

How does she like him? Why is she flirting with him? They hardly know each other!

"Great meeting you mate," Nate held his hand out for Tom to shake and once he had sat his beer down, he did.

"Yeah you too." Tom said and cleared his throat.

"Bye guys." Nate said and walked down the stairs into the restaurant area.

"Aw how lovely is he! Missed him." You said with a sigh as you picked up your bag.

"Going?" Tom asked you.

"Yeah." You smiled.

He payed for you both and you walked out together, making your way back to your apartment. Tom always made sure you got home safe after you hung out. He would feel weird if he didn't.

"So did you like Nate?" You asked Tom, wrapping your arm around his which was stuck in his jacket pocket.

"Uh...yeah. He seems cool." He nodded. He was lying.

"Why don't you like him?" You asked, raising an eyebrow.

God, only if you knew why.

"I just said I liked him." Tom defended.

"Mmmhmm."

You both turned into your apartment building and you went inside, climbing up the stairs until you reached your place. You opened the door and walked in, Tom following suit.

He was weirdly quiet. A weird energy engulfed the room and it made you feel uneasy. You took your jacket off and sat your bag on the kitchen island. Tom just leaned against it, staring at his shoes.

"Tom what's going on?" You asked.

"Were you flirting with him?" Tom stood up from the island, looking  at you with a stern glare.

"What?"

"Were you flirting with Nate?" He asked again.

"Since when do you care who I flirt with?" You scoffed.

"He seemed like a dick." He shrugged, folding his arms in front of his chest.

You noticed how attractive he was. His hoodie and denim jacket combo was making him look frat boyish and his scent was even more prominent than usual. His mop of hair messily sat on his head and despite Toms efforts, he couldn't keep his curls off his forehead.

"You're just saying that." You rolled your eyes.

"He was staring at your tits the whole time!" Tom shouted. 

"What?!" You were surprised at Tom's sudden outburst and especially because he was talking about your boobs.

"You couldn't see him look at your eyes then quickly taking a look at your cleavage? It was so obvious!" He shouted, running a hand through his hair.

"Oh my god Tom, what? Are you mad that a guy is checking me out?"

"No! I'm mad that he was just staring at your boobs half the time!"

"Can we stop talking about my tits?!" You shouted and stomped your foot on the ground.

"What is the real issue here, Tom? Huh? What's up with you?" You asked, folding your arms.

He shook his head, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Why have you been acting so weird recently? Suddenly Haz is making all these weird jokes about us and the guys are making noises every time we're in a room together and you are acting weird around me so just fucking tell me what's wrong!" You shouted.

"Nothing is wrong!" He shouted back.

"Just tell anyone you're acting so weird!" You screamed.

"Because I love you!" He blurted out.

You gasped a little from the volume of his voice and the words coming out of his mouth.

"Fuck," He sighed quietly, leaning on the kitchen island and holding his head in his hands.

"You...you love me?" You asked quietly, holding a hand to your chest.

You couldn't believe this.

Did you love him?

You've always found him attractive and you certainly loved him more than anything but...romantically?

You had thought about you two together before. It always seemed good before you thought about how weird it would be if you broke up.

"Yes...I love you, Y/N...It's always been you." He said softly, looking you in the eyes with his chocolate ones.

"Tom I...I don't know what to say..." You fiddled with your fingers.

"Don't say anything then." He said softly before striding up to you and cupping you're cheeks. Your lips were so close and you wanted to fill the space between them.

"Just...tell me if I should stop..." He licked his lips before pushing his lips gently against yours.

You didn't react for a moment. You weren't sure what to do. He was kissing you! He was your best friend and he was kissing you...

But your body knew before your brain did and your hands cane up to his face, cupping his cheeks.

Tom moves his hands to your waist and he brought you closer, holding your chests tightly together.

His tongue licked your bottom lip and then it swirled around yours. You moaned a little, sending vibrations through his body.

But then he pulled away, just slightly. His lips millimetres away from yours. It took a second to get back to reality.

"Are we gonna do this?" He asked in a whisper.

You smiled and nodded slightly, "Yeah." You said, before crashing your lips against his again.

[rebelcap]

We are not just friends — Part 5

Chris Evans x bi!latina!character (Sofia is a people of color, she's brown.)

Chris and Sofia meet when their best friends started dating, it all started at friends with loads of bumps on the road.  

Warnings: drinking, smoking, drug use (weed), assault, Chris being Steve Rogers, commitment issues, my girl Sofia kinda messy, lots of fucking (eventually) 

This is slow burn at its best, at least emotionally. 

Series masterlist

Part 1 — Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4

5. LA, still.

The first thing Sofia asked after greeting everyone was where was his baby Dodger.

“Oh, he's running around in the backyard. Wanna meet him?” Chris asked her, still arm around her shoulders.

“Are you kidding? yes.” She said with an enthusiasm that makes Chris smile bigger, he likes it when they love Dodger.

Specially likes how she loves his dog.

Chris showed her the backyard, sliding a gigantic glass door open and the rescued big puppy come running.

“Dodger!” Sofía kneeled on the grass and the dog went straight running to her and started licking her face as she pets him and kissed him all over. “Oh my God!, he's so pretty!” Sofía screamed back at Chris making him let out a laugh as he sat down in the grass beside her.

“He is.” He agreed as she kept scratching his ears, Dodger had made his way into her lap and was sitting there, like a lap dog.

“I love you, Dodger.” She said hugging the dog and buried her face on his fur, with a smile she let him go do his thing and Chris was looking at her with a wide smile, heart fluttering and he had that weird ringing on his ears when his anxiety picked a little.

“Oh man, I can't believe I just meet him.” She said with a pout but a smile tugging her lips. “I miss my dog.” Sofía mumble feeling her throat constrict but the sudden emotion, she took a deep breath and push it all down.

Chris noted that, making him sigh at how Sofia never let any sudden emotion take hold of her, in all this time he had never seen her shed a tear for anything. It was a little frustrating, he had seen her mad, pissy, quiet, and really happy but he had never seen her sad and crying.

It's not like he wants her to be sad, no. He just wants to be there for her and for Sofia to know she had someone, besides Amanda, to lean on.

Chris justs wanted to her to open up.

“I'm hungry, let's eat something and watch that game of yours.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“So, you're Chris's friend?” Brad, one of LA Chris's friends asked sneaking up on the kitchen where Sofia was in pizza duty while they watched the game (which she couldn't care less).

“Yeah, I am. You're Chris's friend?” She asked not falling for the bullshit he was about to spill, she didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know where this guy was going with asking that question.

Brad let out a laugh and walk up the few steps that separated them, Sofia didn't even acknowledge him as she put the pizza the oven to warm for a little bit.

“You need something?” She asked crossing her arms and laid her hip on the counter.

“Um, maybe but I just want to check if you and Chris are fucking so I can ask you out.”

Sofía’s brow went up as he spoke and let out a laugh of surprise.

“That's forward,”

“I don't like playing games,” Brad's and licking his lips and Sofia considered, he was kind of hot… he had that frat boy douchebag thing going on. He was tall, not as tall as Chris. Brunette and hazel eyes… She would totally one night stand a guy like him.

“So…?”

“So, what?”

“Are you guys fucking?”

“I'm going to say no otherwise, you shouldn't bother man.” She smiled up at him, taking the pizza out of the oven.

“You don't want to go out with me?” Brad asked he was kind of surprised. Apparently, girls didn't say no to him.

“Nope.”

“So you're fucking Chris then?” Brad asked, thinking that this would be the only good reason.

Sofia stared at him because she was in no mood to explain why she didn't want to go out with him.

“I don't understand how that had something to do with you asking me out?” She asked looking back at the counter and grabbed the pizza to walk back.

“I'm trying to know if you're off-limits.”

“Off-limits.” She laughed and shake her head. “I already said no, consider that off-limits.”

She walked off with the pizza in hand and put it on the coffee table in front of the TV.

“Man, I like your friend she brought us pizza.” One of the other guys said and Sofia let out a laugh. Chris laughed and grabbed Sofia and put his arm around her shoulders.

“Yeah, she's awesome.”

Chris ended up wrapping his arms around Sofia from behind and watching the game just like that. She kept whispering about how much Tom Brady was an asshole and how she would definitely fuck Julien enderman because he had a nice ass.

“I kind of see the appealing… a little.” She confesses in the midtime drinking a few beers.

“Now you like it? it's because of the hot guys?”

“Of course, why wouldn't you started there in the first place?” She told him with a wide smile and Chris shale his head with a smile.

“You had no idea how happy I am that this beer is going to be here,” Chris said with a smile enjoying the last of the six-pack Sofia had bought her.

The game had ended almost half an hour back and slowly but steady everyone leaves, leaving those two enjoying each other's company in the backyard, feeling the lukewarm air and the amazing view Chris had from his backyard.

“I'm happy that you're happy, should I talk with Ron and tell him that Captain America wants to sponsor them in exchange for a lifetime supply of beer?” She asked, kind of joking kind of not.

Chris looked at her, considering the offer.

“Will he accept?”

“His eleven-year-old is a fan of the Avengers. He's in the loop, so yeah. I would like to think so.”

“Okay then,” He laughed and Sofia took a swig of her Stella artroia. “Can you arrange it?”

“Of course.” She said and make him a face. “I feel like I should thank you.”

“Why?”

“I probably just got a raise, maybe a promotion.” She laughed. “Ron is gonna shit his pants.”

“He didn't know?” He asked. “About us, I mean that we're friends.”

“Nope,” Sofía said looking at the empty bottle. “I'm not that kind of person, I'm not your friend because you make movies. I'm not looking for something—” She said looking at him, feeling a little guilty about the whole sponsor thing. “Chris, you don't have to do anything, seriously. I'll still get you free beer. I wasn't setting you up, you know that, don't you?”

“Hon, it never crossed my mind. I know the kind of girl you are, Sof.” Chris said reaching up and grabbed her hand, he entwined his fingers with hers and kiss her knuckles.

“The phrase ‘kind of girl’ always makes me think about sexual things.” She teased as Chris smiled against her hand, his lips lingering there.

“Mmm… now, do I .” He said and Sofia let out a chuckle. Caressing his soft beard with the tip of his fingers.

“I'm probably that kind of girl.” She laughed. “Now that I think about, I'm the kind of girl that girls say… I'm not that kind of girl.”

“And what exactly that girl is?” Chris asked, brow raised.

“That's down to fuck, do casual sex. All that shit, you know.” She explained letting go of his hand and laid down on the grass and her arms behind her head.

“And?” Chris asked, looking down at her body. How her hoodie and shirt underneath, she laughed. “That's not a problem, Sofia. You're entitled to enjoy your sexuality.” He added taking his eyes off her for a second and smiled looking at the hills for a second.

“Well, thanks, Captain.” She said stretching her arms, with a suggestive smile.

“What's that?” Chris said after a very known deep blue shirt popped underneath her hoodie. Sofia laughed as she lifted the hoodie on. “Oh my, take it off. Take it off!” Chris reached out and started to pull out her hoodie with a smile on his lips when he saw the Patriots logo.

“It supposed to be surprised, I kind of forget about it.” She laughed pulling her hoodie off her and Chris gasped putting a hand over his crotch. Making her laugh even harder.

“How could you forget this surprise,” He said looking for his phone on his pockets. “Hold still, baby girl. I need photographic proof that this is happening.”

She laid back on the grass, putting one arm behind her head and blow a kiss to the camera. It was a silly cute photo, the thing that Chris wouldn't know if that he will come to cry looking at this in just some time.

“Imma put this as my lock screen,” He said lying down next to her and show her the picture. “Look how fucking cute you look with my Patriots shirt.”

The action was interrupted by an incoming call that someone he was avoiding at the moment.

“Isn't that you girl-ex?” Sofi asked peaking at the phone. Chris sighed and nodded, sending the call to voice mail.

“Mmm yes.” He said putting the phone away and stayed quiet, Sofia was staring at him.

“Do I have to ask?” she raised an eyebrow at him.

“I was at an event, she was there… I was feeling lonely and you know.”

“Oh, you regretted now?”

“Yes, I don't—we're not good for each other.” He said and gave her a wide smile. “But I'm used to her,”

“Like an old habit,” Sofía said.

“Yes.”

“You need a new habit.” She shrugged like it was an easily fixable thing. “There's plenty of women, especially for you.”

“It's not easy for me to date anyone, I can't trust someone that easily.” He said, a little upset. “Some of them had ulterior motives.”

“Shit… I couldn't ever sell someone like that, much less someone I care about.” She said with a frown.

“I know,” He nodded. “I know that we are known for almost a year, but I trust you.” He smiled at her and Sofía smiled back and bite her bottom lip.

“That means a lot to me,” Sofía beamed and Chris laughed, she was endearing and Chris's stomach tighten.

Without much thought, in her semi-drunken state, she leans over and presses a firm kiss in Chris's mouth. He was taken back for a moment but he'd grip her waist and pull her close.

~~~

There we go!

Thanks everyone! ❤️❤️❤️

Taglist. Please let me know if you want to be tagged!

@letsdothemonstermash

@lunaticbarnes

@firstangeldragonranch

[hildagirl99]

The wrath of Winter

Part 5

They all go out and before them stood the chief of the Ojibwa tribe. Tall, skinny with a crown of white feathers.

"Hau, Wakicuza." said Lorelei, lowering her head in respect.

He responds with a nod.

"Uhg great chef!" said Bill, raising his hand.

"Taku? (* What?) Wasicu (* white man) weird." said the chief, narrowing his eyes.

Lorelei nudges Bill.

"Do you want to lynch us or what? Say the same thing as me!"

"Sorry, um ... Hau, Wakicuza, are you okay?"

"Alkoun Na ... you came back." said the chief, smiling.

"Ya, but my name is Lorelei, great Wakicuza."

"Lo-re-lei? Mmmh… Alkoun Na, better."

"Okay, hehe…"

"Why did you pass through our territory?" he asks.

"We have to go to town for my ... for Penny, wife Peta! Because she's having a baby."

"I see…"

"Um ... why did you save us?" she asks.

"You love that Wakayaja Waniyetu freezes you and your pale faces friends?"

"Waka ... what?"

"Wakayaja Waniyetu means the winter child! It is he who is the winter season." said Aiyanna, next to her.

"Has he been causing the cold for months?" Lorelei asks.

"Ya ... because he got mad at white men. That's why he attacked you."

Lorelei feels uncomfortable.

"But ... what have we done?"

"Oh, neither you nor your white friends hurt. But the other white men."

"One of yours has kidnapped Wakayaja Bloketu (* the summer child)! Wakayaja Waniyetu will lead the Wasicu to eternal winter!" said the chief in a loud voice.

Lorelei and Bill look at each other. They were asking the same question.

"But how do we stop this?"

"No choice but to sacrifice wife Peta to Wakayaja Waniyetu, to appease her anger."

This sentence freezes Lorelei and Bill's blood. Do they sacrifice Penny to quell the wrath of a season?

"Wait wait wait? Are you going to kill her? But she is pregnant! Bunch of madmen! You will have to beat me over the body!" Said Bill.

"Calm down, pale face! You will pass first, if you wish! At the full moon!"

"Huh? But ..."

"Shut up! My brothers! Watch him before the sacrifice!"

Some Indians lead him far from Lorelei, under another teepee.

"Wakicuza! Wait! He's a friend! He, Penny and I had nothing to do with the summer kidnapping! There is bound to be a solution other than death!"

The chief looks at her attentively and turns his back on her.

"You know death, you will be spared." he says.

"Huh? But why not kill us all? I'm a pale face too!"

"You are sacred in the tribe, courageous, fearless, divinity, respectful of the kingdom of the dead."

"I am not a goddess ... you cannot kill them, they are innocent, Wakicuza, please ..."

The chef took a deep breath. But without response. Lorelei stands before him.

"Let me find those who kidnapped Wakayaja Bloketu."

"Would you do that?"

"Give me a deadline, the full moon is in two days, I will bring back the summer and punish the thugs."

"And if you fail, sacrifice will happen."

"I'm just asking you to treat them well in the meantime, especially wife Peta."

"Ya Alkoun Na. Deal?" he said, spitting on the ground.

Lorelei does not hesitate, she does the same.

"And we will treat wife Peta well in the meantime."

"As for the pale face, treat him well too but have a little authority over it, it is a bit ... crazy, but it is nice."

"Ya, Alkoun Na. But beware anyway! He has a thunderbolt on him."

"Don't worry, it is used only rarely." she said as she returned to the camp.

She comes back to the tipi where Bill was taken.

"Lorelei… tell me it's a joke! They won't sacrifice us! Huh?"

"I made arrangements with him and you will have to accept this deal too."

"What deal?"

"I told them that I will find the thugs who kidnapped the summer child, if in two days I fail, they will make the sacrifice, you and Penny. In the meantime they will take care of you two."

"What ?! But you're completely crazy! Would you dare sacrifice your loved ones if you fail? Have you thought about Penny and the baby? Have you thought about me ?!" said Bill, hysterical.

"They believe in me to bring back summer, they think I am a god. I prefer to go alone."

"Alone ... selfish as usual ... and what am I going to say to Penny? She'll be even more stressed!"

"Bill… believe me, it's better for you to watch Penny. And you won't tell her anything."

"Is that it ... to wait quietly for someone to execute us?"

"She won't stay alone! You stay with her! That's all!"

Bill is silent, looking contemptuously at Lorelei.

"Tell me you won't fail ..."

"You trust me ?" she asks.

"Of course…"

"I'll do anything to get you out of there."

"I would have done better to be frozen, instead of ending up in the hands of the Indians."

"Bill ... don't take it like this, please."

He leaves the teepee, annoyed.

"Are you angry?" asks Aiyanna, before him.

"No, I'm super happy to hear that I am being sacrificed ..." said Bill with a forced smile.

"I heard everything ... the sacrifice will not be."

"Huh?"

"Alkoun Na is not going to fail, I am against that, it's a horrible sacrifice."

"So much the better! I'm sorry she abandons us!"

"You can speak correctly with me, don't be bloza (*idiot) Are you mad at Alkoun Na?" Aiyanna asks insistently.

"Leave me alone… I'm going to see Penny." he said as he left.

The young Indian girl follows him to the tipi where Penny still seemed to be in pain.

"Penny… is everything all right?"

"Her work has started." said the shaman next to her.

"Huh? She lost the waters?"

"Baby moves a lot! Lots of contractions."

"Gnnnh ... it's getting common." said Penny, reaching out.

"At 8 months? It's a bit early. Don't worry, I'm here."

"And Lorelei? Where is she?"

"She's chatting with the chef ..." said Bill, not wanting to stress her out.

"Why are you lying?" said Aiyanna.

"I told you to leave me alone! Go back to your tom-tom and leave me alone! Shit!" writes Bill.

Aiyanna felt hurt, she went out crying.

"But what's wrong with you?" asks Penny.

"I ..." Bill regrets his words. He went too far.

"I hope you're going to apologize and right away."

"I was planning to do it ..." he ran out and soon found her.

"Eh! You! Uh ... you! Excuse me, I ... I got a little carried away." he said arriving breathless.

"I don't want your apologies." she said, fleeing from her gaze.

"No, sincerely ... I am ..."

"You, Wasicu (*pale face/ white man)! Don't come near!" says a man who appears as a sudden shadow.

A fairly tall, heavy-bodied Indian steps in front of him, crossing his arms.

"Huh ... I can't compete. Look, buddy, we're not going to fight, I just want to talk to the girl behind you."

"Don't come near Mitaka ki (* my little sister)!" he said, still looking threatening.

"Okay, okay, I'm going ..." said Bill, stepping back.

"Wasicu ape niye?" (*white man hit you?) asks the Indian to Aiyanna.

"Hiya (*no) ... Just nervous Wasicu… need to be alone. Pilamaye Ciye (*thank you big brother)."

After dark, the Indians invite Bill and Lorelei to eat. Lorelei went from time to time to the teepee where Penny was still resting there.

"Can't you get up?" she asks.

"No ... my legs hurt, I'm not talking to you about my stomach, I feel like it's going to happen." replies Penny.

"I will stay with you tonight, tomorrow I will leave."

"Huh? Leave? Why?"

"I'll explain everything to you…"

After 5 minutes of explanation, Penny held her breath.

"Lorelei… I want you to be careful. Tracing a child should be easy, but escaping the kidnappers is risky."

"Don't worry Penny, I'll hurry. Bill will look after you." said Lorelei, kissing her hand.

However, she didn't tell her about the sacrifice, she didn't want to worry her any more. Outside, Bill was away from the tribe on a rock, he wanted to isolate himself. Aiyanna watched him from a distance, having pity on him, she took a few pieces of meat and joined him.

"You are hungry ... so take talo (*meat)" she said, keeping her distance.

Bill does not react, blowing smoke from his cigar and says:

"I'm not hungry…"

She approaches him, putting down the plate and grabbing the cigar.

"Not good for your lungs ..." she said, throwing it away.

"Shouldn't I have been away from you? After all, we are two different species." said Bill, turning his back on her.

"Do you think us, Indians, are savages?"

"No… just a little not civilized enough."

"You are very closed to the Indian world. You have the same vision as other white men, but you don't think what you say ... I feel that you, very different." she said approaching.

"We shouldn't have met." said Bill, still turned around.

"Do you think I'm wild?" she asks.

He discreetly turns around and looks at her.

"No ... no. Just ... you ..."

"Different from you?"

"No… you and me… we are the same but raised differently, perhaps."

She smiles and takes his hand, sticking it on hers, on the 4 fingers.

"See? Do you see any differences?"

"Huh… no." said Bill who felt himself blushing.

"You, me, the same."

He withdraws his hand, looking her in the eyes.

"I'm sorry for a while ago ... I don't know what to say when I got angry, I had quarreled with Lorelei and I ..." she puts a finger on his mouth.

"You forgave. You might be bloza but you'd be a funny cowboy."

"Hehe… it is true that I can be funny but I am not just any cowboy, I am a bandit."

"Thief? Showdown Bandit ?"

"Huh ... yes? How do you know this name?"

"You known for being a good lonely bandit who saves the poor by stealing a golden house?"

"Yes, It's bank, that's it."

"You good heart."

"Excuse me, but what is your name?"

"Aiyanna. How about you?" she said smiling

"You can just call me Bill." he said, smiling back.

"So eat talo, it's going to be cold." said the Indian, rising.

"Before leaving, who was the big guy with you?"

"Oh, Him Sukawaka Oha Ko!"

"Huh ... and that means?"

"Him my big brother! His name mean Fast Horse"

"I'm going to call him Suka, it's going to be fine."

"Hahaha! You funny! But why not love him on the other hand. He is very protective."

"Pfff I'm not afraid of that." said Bill with a wink.

"Join us after eating, sungmanitu (* coyotes) roam the night." she said as she left.

When he arrived, his brother was waiting for her.

"Where were you ?"

"I communicated with the ancestors." she says.

"Don't lie! You were with the white man!"

"Sukawaka… he's not who you think he is. He's Nice and funny!"

"Tricky and clever white man, you beware. Keep your distance from him."

"Stop being protective and suspicious."

"Ate (* father) wouldn't have died if he hadn't approached Wasicu. Me still responsible for you." said Suka, placing his hand on her little sister's shoulder, dragging her to the gathering.

To be continued...

Part 4 :

[let-it-raines]

Yesterday i saw this "The NBC Manifest star would love to take up skydiving but isn't sure his wife, actress Ginnifer Goodwin, "is going to let me do that," he says, laughing. "She has said, 'well you can do it but don't tell me.' So, you know, as long as I don't die, we're good. And basically that's my prompt, so i was thinking if you can write a fic with that but obviously with captain swan hahaha

“No.”

“Emma, please.”

“Killian, no.”

“Swan,” he pleads, and he’s about to do something dirty and unfair to get her to change her mind, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.

Throwing the sheets back so that Emma’s legs are bared to him and yanking on her ankles to pull her to the edge of the bed, he starts kissing up her calf, lingering in all of the sensitive spots while working his way up to her inner thighs. He can hear and feel her breath hitching the closer he gets to her core, and he smirks to himself over the fact that this is most definitely going to work. Until Emma knees him in the stomach and he’s left holding onto his stomach as he flops down on the bed.

“Shit, love. What was that for?”

“You can’t use sex to get me to agree.”

“You do that all of the time.”

“No,” she corrects, pulling the sheets back over her body and crawling back to her spot, “I have sex with you because I love you, and you just happen to be very agreeable after you get laid, you big oaf.”

“Why won’t you let me do this?”

“Why do you want to do this?”

“Because I’m turning thirty-five, and I was supposed to do this before I turned thirty.”

“You also have ‘marry Angelina Jolie’ on that bucket list, and that’s not happening.”“Well, she is single now, and I did see her at the event last week. I think she might have waved at me.”

She playfully (maybe) hits his chest, and he grabs her wrist to kiss it. “You’re being an ass.”

“You’re being protective.”

“Fine,” she acquiesces, slamming her free hand against the mattress, “you can go skydiving, but I better not know about it. You come home alive and unscathed, or I will kill you.”

“But I’ll already be dead.”

“I am your wife, Killian. I’ll haunt you forever, even if you’re dead.”

“You’re so loving.”

“I’m really not kidding, babe. If you have your heart set on doing this, I know you’re going to do it. And I want you to be happy. But I’m not going to tell our kids ‘daddy died because of a bucket list he’s never followed until he started having an early mid-life crisis.’ So seriously. You can do it as long as I never know.”

He makes an appointment to go in two weeks. He doesn’t tell Emma, and it feels weird not telling her that he’s going to do it. Of course, he really does think she was serious telling him that if he dies doing this, she’ll somehow still haunt him. Maybe he is going through an early mid-life crisis, but this is something he’s always wanted to do. Maybe it’s the adrenaline or maybe it’s that he jumps from high buildings and planes in his movies all the time. He’s just never done it in real life.

He’s also probably just the tiniest bit crazy.

A large group of people are going up in the plane with him that day, eleven jumpers and eleven professionals to jump with them, and he wasn’t nervous until another man was strapped to his back and the plane door was opened.

There are no other words for this but holy shit.

But he’s going to do it. He’s got to do it. He might not marry Angeline Jolie (he’s very happily married to Emma Jones, thank you very much), but he’s going to skydive. And then never tell Emma about it and most likely block it all out from his mind.

Isn’t there a country song about this? Maybe that should be playing in his head. Or some Tom Petty. Except he sure as hell hopes that he’s not about to be free falling. He’ll have a parachute. Isn’t there a band named Parachute? No, that’s Paramore. There’s got to be another song out there about a parachute. He thinks it might be a country song. But a different one than the first.

He’s freaking out a bit.

“You ready to go, Mr. Jones?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

One. Two. Three. Jump.

When he gets home that night, his hair still sticking up all over the place and his face still flushed red from all of the wind hitting him for the ten minutes it took him to get to the ground, Emma’s sitting on the couch with the kids watching The Incredibles. None of them pay a lick of attention to him until he picks Will up and places him in his lap so that he can sit next to Emma, kissing her shoulder in greeting.

“How was your day, love?”

“No talking during the movie, daddy!”

“Sorry,” he apologizes, not realizing that The Incredibles was such serious business to his five-year-old, but this would explain why the three of them were all so quiet.

Not a word is spoken until Lizzie and Will are in bed, snoozing away while he and Emma settle in their own room. All he wants to do is tell Emma what he did today, but he believes her when she said that she didn’t want to know. She already freaks out enough when he gets injured at work, and while he’s not injured, things could have gone wrong. They didn’t, though. So Emma never has to know.

“So I was watching the local news today,” she begins, rubbing her moisturizer over her skin as they settle down under the covers, “because Lizzie’s school play was on for some reason. I’m not really sure why. I think it was something about supporting the local arts, but anyways, right after the segment, they show a video entitled ‘local star falls from the sky.’ Would you like to guess who that local star falling from the sky was?”

Well, shit. She knows. How does she always know?

“U-uh,” he stutters, reaching up to furiously scratch behind his ear because this is just one of those situations where he’s not getting out of it. “So you know?”

“Yep.”

“Are you mad?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t say mad because you’re here alive and seemingly unscathed. I just can’t believe you actually did it.”

“I told you, love. I’m a survivor…and a bit of a daredevil.”

“Yeah, a daredevil who screamed bloody murder the entire fall. G’night, babe,” she yawns, leaning over and pressing a deep kiss against his lips that leaves him reeling as much as skydiving did. “I love you, and I’m glad you’re alive. Today and every day.”

Weeks later he’s on a morning talk show with Kelly and Ryan promoting a new movie, this one not an action movie but a drama of which he’s incredibly proud, but he’s not even the slightest bit mad when Kelly brings up something else to talk about.

“So your wife, Emma,” Kelly begins, clapping her hands together, and he has absolutely no idea what’s coming, “is possibly the sweetest woman alive. The two of you met while on the set of The Heist, correct?”

“Yes, correct,” he confirms, smiling thinking about how the first time he saw Emma she was dressed in her pajamas because she was late to the table read, looking like a rumpled, adorable mess. “She played my love interest, and in the first scene, she punched me in the face. It was bloody glorious.”

“So you two had a bit of a rough relationship in the beginning then?”

Killian lets out something close to a full belly laugh thinking about how he and Emma had a bit of a rough courtship until halfway through the movie when it was his birthday and she got him a cake with a picture of himself hanging upside down during a stunt practice gone wrong screened on the cake. He’d laughed so hard then, and later, after they finished shooting for the day, he asked Emma out on a date and she kissed him in return.

“Let’s just say that all of the chemistry in that movie was some pretty intense sexual tension until we started getting along. And I hope that this scars our children when they are old enough to know what sexual tension is. But yeah, Emma’s the love of my life, undoubtedly, and as much as that was one of my earlier movies and not the best acting wise, I’m thankful for it for letting me meet her.”

“It’s a good thing you say Emma is the love of your life,” Ryan begins, and Killian does not like where this is going, “because she has a surprise for you on the video screen.”

Suddenly he hears Emma’s voice and sees her face on the giant projector behind him, and oh man does he miss her.

“Hi, babe,” she greets on the prerecorded video, “I hope you’re having a great time in New York, and while I’m super proud of you, we’re excited for you to be back home next week. And while I say that, you’ll likely not be excited to come home after what’s happening in the next five minutes. So everyone knows that you went skydiving, but what everyone doesn’t know is that I only agreed to him doing that if I never knew about it. Well, obviously I know, but what you don’t know, babe, is that I emailed your instructor to get the video that captured your entire fall instead of the small video of you landing at the end. Love you. Enjoy!”

The next three minutes may have been the most embarrassing three minutes of his life, and he laughed for every minute that he watched himself freak out as he fell through the sky. Emma’s a bloody minx, and he cannot wait to get home to her to talk about this. And kiss her. To definitely kiss her.

“If anything,” Kelly begins, tears running from her eyes from the laughter, “this tells us that, men, you don’t mess with what the wife says because if you do, you become a viral video. Anything to say, Killian?”

He smiles to himself as he thinks about how very much he loves her before saying, “Darling, I have a video on my phone of you at our daughter’s second birthday with a piñata, and just so you know, payback is something I very much believe in. I love you.”

His kids never find the video of him talking about having sexual tension with their mother, but they do play his skydiving video every chance they get.

Emma keeps it as a favorite on her phone.

He never does make another bucket list.

He doesn’t need to.

With his family, he’s got everything.

[panterashadow]

TH£ R£ÄL SLÏM SHÄD¥ 2000

TH£ MÄRSHÄLL MÄTH£RS LP (Ä)

£MÏN£M

P∆ÑT£R∆'SH∆DØ￦

ÖFFÏCÏÄL VĪD£Ö

https://youtu.be/eJO5HU_7_1w

L¥RÏK:

"The Real Slim Shady"

[Eminem]

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door

And started whooping her ass worse than before

They first were divorced, throwing her over furniture (Ah!)

It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"

And Dr. Dre said... nothing, you idiots!

Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)

Feminist women love Eminem

[*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*]

"Slim Shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what

Flipping the you-know-who." "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse, than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't

But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Of course they gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel, don't they?

"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes [SLURP]

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

[*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

[Chorus – Eminem (repeat 2x):]

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,

Please stand up, please stand up?

[Eminem]

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records;

Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?

Yo Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV

"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD [AHHH!]

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me

So I have been sent here to destroy you [bzzzt]

And there's a million of us just like me

Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me

Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me

It just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

[Chorus]

[Eminem]

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you

Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room

The only difference is I got the balls to say it

In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all

I just get on the mic and spit it

And whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it

Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums

It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting

Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens

And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking

He could be working at Burger King, spitting on your onion rings

[*HACH*] Or in the parking lot, circling

Screaming "I don't give a fuck!"

With his windows down and his system up

So, will the real Shady please stand up?

And put one of those fingers on each hand up?

And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control

And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

[Chorus 4X]

[Eminem]

Ha ha

Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us

Fuck it, let's all stand up

[panterashadow]

TH£ R£ÄL SLÏM SHÄD¥ 2000

TH£ MÄRSHÄLL MÄTH£RS LP (Ä)

£MÏN£M

P∆ÑT£R∆'SH∆DØ￦

ÖFFÏCÏÄL VĪD£Ö

https://youtu.be/eJO5HU_7_1w

L¥RÏK:

"The Real Slim Shady"

[Eminem]

May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door

And started whooping her ass worse than before

They first were divorced, throwing her over furniture (Ah!)

It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"

And Dr. Dre said... nothing, you idiots!

Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)

Feminist women love Eminem

[*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*]

"Slim Shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what

Flipping the you-know-who." "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse, than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't

But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Of course they gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel, don't they?

"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes [SLURP]

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

[*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

[Chorus – Eminem (repeat 2x):]

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,

Please stand up, please stand up?

[Eminem]

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records;

Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?

Yo Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

Little bitch, put me on blast on MTV

"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD [AHHH!]

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me

So I have been sent here to destroy you [bzzzt]

And there's a million of us just like me

Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me

Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me

It just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you

Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room

The only difference is I got the balls to say it

In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all

I just get on the mic and spit it

And whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it

Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums

It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting

Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens

And I'm jerking but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking

He could be working at Burger King, spitting on your onion rings

[*HACH*] Or in the parking lot, circling

Screaming "I don't give a fuck!"

With his windows down and his system up

So, will the real Shady please stand up?

And put one of those fingers on each hand up?