#(they're just trying to protect their children)

[drdemonprince]

Even very progressive, kinky people think about "protecting children" the wrong way imo. I wish kinky people wouldn't insist on telling minors to disengage from the scene completely until they're older. The line between "educating" and "participating" in kink is too blurry to be useful.

I'm so grateful I found other people with my fetish online as a kid. I clung to the snippets and articles I found as early as middle school. It probably changed the trajectory of my life. I didn't have to go through the pain of trying to make vanilla marriages work like so many people do because I had a clearer idea of what I was and I knew there were other people out there who wanted the same. Researching and exploring my fetish as a child was hugely beneficial for my wellbeing.

unfortunately, kink communities feel very much beholden to the law and to maintaining social respectability, and so they replicate a lot of the same unhelpful attitudes towards sex and it's separation from regular life, especially as doing so pertains to kids. you see people on here claiming to be personally victimized or put at risk when a person under 18 follows them for example, as if it is the child in that dynamic that is responsible for anything that has happened, or people will simplistically claim that no one who is not of legal age can or should ever participate in kinky activities -- when that's just not realistic to how the budding sexualities of kinky young people who are sexually active will play out. people are reasonably very afraid of being accused of grooming or praying upon minors, and so they have to protect themselves and their spaces against the appearance of such things, but what this means in practice is that young people who are curious about kink or who are already sexually active are even more isolated from helpful resources and adults that could potentially assist them if they got themselves into a dangerous situation. and if anything it delays them developing negotiation and safety skills with regard to their sexual practice. it sucks.

I know that I was certainly heavily engaged in the kink community online as a young teenager, and that consuming blogs and media about my various fetishes was enriching and positive for me. if I hadn't had that outlet, I might have been even more likely to seek out the power dynamics that I craved through imbalanced relationships with actual people. furthermore I wouldn't have even had any knowledge that the desires I was experiencing were fetishes, and could be satisfied in a relatively safe way. I would have just felt all the same longings and lacked any framework for how to meet them or negotiate them. that already ended up being a problem for me -- for many years I got into abusive relationships to satisfy my need for control rather than seeking out control within a consensual kinky relationship-- but I'm really thankful that I at least realized there were fetishes that I had, even if it took me years to believe that I could speak about them to anyone or seek them out intentionally.

[angelsdean]

I agree with your Mary posts! I also think Dean asking her to "be a mom" in that scene is not about wanting her to baby them but simply just wanting her to choose her sons over the organization that let one of its members literally torture and r*pe Sam only a few episodes before that!

Literally Dean is so very clear in that scene that what he's upset abt is her choosing the BMOL over them. Not abt her not "parenting" them or playing "mommy." He's just upset that she doesn't seem to want to be around them, and that she instead has been working with their enemies. And even if that wasn't her intention, even if she was in fact doing it "for" them and trying to protect them by working with the enemy they're still allowed to be hurt by her decision.

She tells them that she's been struggling, trying to play three decades of catch up and Dean tells her they have been struggling too. They have been grieving her their whole lives. But now that she's here they want her there. She's finally alive, they finally have a chance to be together, and she keeps leaving. And that hurts. But he also understands and sympathizes. He tells her, "You said that you needed time. No, you said you need space. So we gave you your space." They have been patient with her. Dean understands very well needing time and space to process things. But what hurts is that, from his perspective, it seems like she is choosing anyone but them. So when he says, "No, you needed space from us," and when she says she's "trying" and he cuts in with "How 'bout for once, you just try to be a mom?" IMO it's less about wanting her to "mother" them and play mommy and more about wanting her to be present in their lives, to choose them, to unconditionally love and support them and shoulder some of the pain and burdens they have been carrying on their own their whole lives. He wants, for once, to have a parent that CHOOSES him over the "mission." Like, don't people think that maybe seeing another parent walk out on him and choose hunting / work over being present in his life is a little bit upsetting / salting old wounds?

Anyways, I love Mary, though some may think it's a hashtag Crime to sympathize with Dean in this scene but like ??? Some people are projecting a lot of stuff Dean did not say or express in that scene. His upset and main criticism is about her choosing the BMOL over them, that's made clear in this exchange:

Dean: So between us and them – Mary: It's not like that. Dean: Yeah, Mary, it is. And you made your choice. So there's the door.

It's not about wanting her to play some "mom" role as if they were children. He wants her to choose them over their adversaries, and to be around them, get to know them, something both Dean and Sam want to do.

Anyways, I am always saying I would have loved more from this arc esp re: Mary's grief over losing her "babies." I think a lot of what Mary's feeling would've hit harder if they'd showed us more of her grief. (The "I need you to see me" scene hits so good for me bc it's tied up with this complicated grief. Mary finally acknowledging that adult Dean IS her baby. Truly SEEING him, instead of the perpetual 4 yr old that lives in her mind). But I don't blame her for wanting / needing space to process (deancoded!) or for throwing herself into hunting to Cope (john-and-sam coded!). Or for struggling with her identity in this new life. I enjoy all the tension and her being flawed and real and messy.

[shannonsketches]

Why is the anime so weird, it's not even the same series dude?? It's like,

Anime:

GOKU: I have a great idea to bring peace to the universe, and my leadership and compassion alone will unite us all. I have No Flaws and am A True Relatable Everyman :)

VEGETA: NO! I AM THE BEST AND I WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS SUCH!!!!

Manga:

GOKU: Vegeta what's cornmeal made of? I know it's what the corn eats, but what's it made of? VEGETA: Hey Kakarot let's play the quiet game until one of us dies.

[turtleinsoup]

Hi Fai! You can ignore this, because it's a 2 am political ramble, but-

Idk how much you know about the shit-show that is the german political system, so I screenshot the latest poll with helpful party descriptions:

:D

As you can see, none of them have enough votes to actually get shit done! So they need to collate with at least one other party, and play game of office-chairs to form a government. Which is always a bureaucratic pissing competition.

I DO think a CDU (The Old White Man of the group) coalition with AfD (The Nazi) would make most of west Germany riot. And the west has a voting weight of 5 to 1. So I do think there is a good chance it will not happen.

The CDU/CSU candidate himself also claimed they're not going to ally with the Nazi party. But, (ironically) the wording was like: "We intend A WALL against the far-right." - 60 years ago the leader of EAST germany said: "Nobody intends A WALL (against the west)" and two months later we got a wall that shot citizens when they tried to escape into the other half of the country. So that's currently quoted & referenced all over the place. Huge general divide between East and West Germany politics rn)

The map of AfD-voter locations shows it well. The Nazi-party is strongest in the dark spots (east germany):

It‘s bizarre alternate universe we‘re in right now.

Like you do NOT even imagine how bullied the AfD is in the west particularly! - One of them (Marcel Grauf) literally said (quote) he "wants a civil war and a million people dying in the opposition, men, women children, as long as I can piss on their corpses". (I'm actually censoring it a bit, because he said other things too.) Where upon the parliament (and all of germany) stared at him for a bit, but eventually moved on, because. It's the AfD. They are just. Insane.

Just to give you an slight Idea of just how batshit they are: NOBODY (not even our furthest right-leaning parties! Not even our racist uncles!) want to sit next to the AfD-members in parliament! FR, it’s an actual point of debate of "who has to sit next to the deranged clowns" this term!

Suddenly the deranged clowns get a huge spike in popularity among young voters!?

Why?!

Okay, so long story short; Trump still has military in Germany (like that Air Base in Ramstein, just an American town in Germany, apparently the largest US base outside America)

(There's even a sorta popular band named after the Air Base in Ramstein too! Idk if you know it? It's a morbid pun on location name/ like "Plane-Crash-Place": "Ram(m)stein." I think one of their songs is about the base)

military bases:

Here's the thing: Germany LOVES having American bases! We want your military!

(The soldiers I encountered were always respectful, but more than that) it symbolized that we didn't belong to the Russians! If it hadn't been for American/allied occupation of the west, we would've been under the dictatorship too!

Germany got LARGELY decentralized and demilitarized and we have no real army of our own. Trump leaving the NATO and removing American troops leaves us without the protection we were counting on in the last 30 years or so. That's what our government was scared of during his first term.

Germany is standing with a boom-box under The USAmerican window, like: "Babe. Babe, I don't know how to drive a tank, don't leave me :'0!"

The east is poorer than the west, they are still recovering from the aftermath of the UdSSR dictatorship, and the AfD speaks to people with economic fears.

There's tons of Trump and Musk propaganda on our socials. Like there are whole as Ai-fake accounts with thousands of followers, doing propaganda for the AfD.

Our economy is slipping and it‘s terrifying everyone, but especially low-income families and young adults. So I think people vote far-right to try force the government into a different direction, to re-militarize, get their pride back, kill innocent families etc etc yada yada

The election is in two weeks, and I get to travel home for it! My sister and I go voting together, I'm honestly very excited. My boss said its okay if I leave earlier and give tasks to coworkers, because of the long travel

I'm not that scared tbh. Things are going to go fine. Even if the Nazi party is gaining more of a influence here, I don't really think this is enough to cause another world war in the foreseeable future.

(Because, again, being a Nazi in public in Germany EASILY gets you dragged into the woods, depending on where you live. Our cops will pretend to care for like 20 seconds, but AfD politicians have a reason why they don't show themselves in public. They might just literally cause a riot, as proven by last weeks events.)

So, really, I do think a war is unlikely to come soon. The EU and US still have a strong relationship, right? Putin and Trump are enemies-to-lovers PWP frenching. EU & China have a €739 billion pro ship (profit relationship) going on. China & Russia have a sugar daddy situation, honestly I'm not seeing a ww incoming in the next years.

but IF a war is going to happen lets run away to iceland and learn the art of freeland sheep herding igrth auhsr

good night ily

Let's pause the conversation about the US elections for a sec and jump real quick to Germany.... what's going on with u lot? Why did Olaf Scholz decide to fire the finance minister right now?? Why would he do something that led to the collapse of the coalition (at least acc to the news), was there some major event that triggered this? Will trump winning influence your elections? Is there an actual chance for the AfD to come to power ??(u wouldn't think tht, given tht millions of ppl protested on the streets after they heard about the deportation plans, but idk)

[sskk-manifesto]

\\

[glindyupland]

I just think it’s silly that so many people complain about Villain Amaya as “wasted potential” and that “we were robbed” like-

My pals, post canon fan fiction is right there. The desire to free her husband is right there. Either by touching an evil book while being too eager to remember the obsidian oil, or being possessed by contact (ie what she believes is true loves kiss) when trying to reason with him in the dungeon.

We don’t need a rewrite, we can have a continuation. Both can be true. Amaya is a complex character, she can handle it.

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

nah but like

they're "seiros lapdogs" because they're fighting back against the people who attacked them completely unprovoked??? also because it so happens that thales is at garreg mach so they have to go there to reclaim the area to defeat him???

i just hate this because it's just perpetuating things about faerghus and its people that just aren't true. it frames it like they jumped into the war willingly for the church and that they're only here for the church. like nah buddy, it's not faerghus' fault you're out here fighting to protect thales and ludwig.

it also is batshit to me how he and leopold are fighting to stop faerghus from advancing but like... they know what's happening to the empire and that edelgard isn't even calling the shots anymore, yet they still stupidly fight for the very person who is literally razing their country and burning their villages. they know the empire is in shambles and that the kingdom isn't targeting them and is specifically aiming for gm to get it back from who? thales; who, mind, at this point is in his real form and not posing as arundel anymore. everything is laid out plainly, but they still act like faerghus is the bad guy.

but yeah, okay. faerghus BaD for defending themselves, fighting back, finding out who is behind all the puppeteering and heading to take him out. sure, that makes them seiros lapdogs. like what are you, an agarthan mouthpiece??? may as well be like yeah you go retreat and leave you agarthan lapdog. if they don't realize it's Someone Else in charge of course, then ludwig lapdog works fine too.

and it sucks because other than this shit, i like waldemar just fine as a character. it's just like, it feels like they forced someone to have to stick in that final faerghus BaD insult before the grand finale so they just randomly picked someone to remind us that faerghus is Always Wrong as long as they continue to fight back and prevent being attacked in the future.

waldemar here is just basically ag caspar. fighting and risking his life for thales, who is destroying the empire and basically holding the emperor hostage. if the writing here had any decent plot points, they would've all stopped and have been like hey wait, shouldn't we be fighting to get our emperor back? why are we stopping these guys from killing the people who are destroying this country?

and like, they literally went from siding with ludwig during the insurrection to siding with edelgard in this timeline to... jumping immediately back to ludwig as soon as he was at the top of the food chain (thales notwithstanding). as soon as the person in charge changes, they jump ship immediately; then of course get mad that the people they attacked are coming after them... and fighting them as they defend the very people who are letting adrestia become a literal, physical ruin.

it really just tells me that these people don't care about adrestia itself, but status, power and wealth. they don't care about the country itself as long as they're doing well. that's like, the only thing i can get from still fighting with/for ludwig/thales. the fact that they just fight for ludwig again as soon as edelgard is out of commission is also pretty gross to me. they have no loyalty at all.

and it's like, i want to like waldermar and leopold, but they come across as just selfish, entitled and only there for their own asses to be covered. and i get that - that is a realistic take on politicians, but the fact that the game regularly loops back around to faerghus BaD despite that and despite portraying these people as opportunistically selfish is like... what are they even trying to write??

[attacus-atlas-moth]

I will never stop thinking about the contrast between entomology and chemistry

Because in chem lab it's like: "here's goggles and gloves and you have to wear long pants or leave. Today we're mixing food coloring!"

And in insect identification (which I think also counts as a lab) they're like: "here's a jar full of ethanol acetate vapors. Here's the net you're going to use to catch tiny animals full of venom who will get really angry at you catching them. Have fun!"

[lightyakami]

i always want to get back into learning japanese but literally like. the psychic damage u acquire from stepping into a japanese classroom is so real

[quillheel]

❁ ( towards any of your zelda muses − hylia and the three godesses, mainly, but also botw & totk link / zelda / ganondorf if you feel compelled...!! )

Send me a ❁ for the type of flower my muse would give to yours // Accepting!

Hylia's answer comes, sharp and slow like a blade pulled uncutting against thought, a cool not-metal against the inner heat of mind. ━ the same as sky, not in the way of wind but in the way of open space, of nothing at all, of atmosphere pressing in from out against your throat. Almost frozen, almost frigid, but without the effort in coldness, in willful ignoring, of brushing one off : cold as in cold is the absence of heat. No, Iroha receives an answer. Stale pollen and bright, blinding knowledge. ━━━ she was not made to create the way the Goddesses were, and yet, the flowers bloom at their feet regardless : perhaps they should consider themselves special.

━ bachelor button, hydrangea, bittersweet, lavender heather, white poppy, blue violet, mixed yellow & red zinnia, white hyacinth, rose leaf, & buried beneath the rest; spider flower. ( 'You are not of my domain, I am indifferent to you. However, I respect your devotion. I sympathize, perhaps, with your situation. One day, perhaps, there will something other for you. One day, perhaps, you will make one.' )

the Goddesses' response is a ancient one. months hung above the stratosphere, dangling, dangling, waiting to be lowered. Months upon months upon months, the flower of the seasons dripping into the horizon in a haze of days and nights and days again: They were intricate, and slow, and often unknowable at all. how patient, you are, for Them. How kind, to wait, for Them. They reward Iroha with answer in time, in the humid shivering haze of early morning, a wave of such love of all Iroha does, of the endless sorrow They beheld upon their duty, arriving like quartz lining their throat ━ blooms growing from 'pon their fingertips, 'cross their knuckles. a gift, a gift, how merry to be known & seen, how terrifying by They to listen & answer in turn ━ how horrible, horrible to think you had been forgotten...

━ bachelor button, maidenhair fern, red carnation, dead leaf, purple hyacinth, dark crimson rose, pine, acorn, fern, fir, white heather, iris, lily of the valley, tea rose, palm leaf. ( 'We love you, We are sorry, your faith is not unseen by Us, for This to be your undertaking, borne as chains & key. Such is Our terrible, terrible doing. Such is Our apology. We hope, perhaps, one day the selves can exist without the other or in one without smothering, smothering light. We hope, perhaps, one day you are allowed to live; a role unshackled, unlocking Thy own binds. Chains & key. Chains & key. Freedom unmade for you, and yet, still hoping to grasp it.' )

Link & Zelda come as though offering memorial, bundles of blooms and sprigs tucked in their arms as they hurry past stream and grove ( "watch your feet, 'stream made the ground soft" "ah, thank you, I believe I'll be alright-!" ) to find the place where the Blupees haunched on hind legs and watched them with startling, ruby eyes. The one Link had gone before, a familiar forest in the heavy overhang of branches & leaves. a bowl is filled with fruit steadily throughout the day beneath a great cherry tree, pink petals like silk beneath the sun. a final act of care comes as sunset threatens to burn the sky alive when, on a brief journey back to a stable for a briefer meal, they're caught in a fleeting conversation of flora & the hearts beneath their stalks ( "Oh, you're going all the way up to Satori mountain? Hey, if you're going through all the effort, I've heard people bring flowers up there sometimes, you know, offerings and the like. Some people bring flowers, symbolizing what the 'Lord of the Mountain' protector means to them. Maybe it'd be worth your time?" ) ( "That sound's like a nice idea, I think!" "I think so, yes, but what would I even bring...?" ) ━━━ they in bundles, at last, arrive. Hurried up, past the stream, to find the tree again. Zelda hesitates, an offering of silent princess clasped between delicate fingers ━ "Would it be considered disrespectful to place it at the dish...? Maybe I shouldn't..." ━ before Link, calloused hands delicate, maneuver their hands to set it down along the rest, petals bright; bright in the clear sky.

━ bittersweet, bluebell, pink camellia, iris, cattleya orchid, magnolia, evening primrose, flax, rose leaf, forsythia, fern, lavender rose, bells of ireland, azalea, sweet pea, mixed zinnea. ( 'I think you're kind, and charming, and though I rarely see you, I hope you are well. I hope to change that fleetingness, if you'll let me? I think you might like Zelda, you might have more in common than you think.' / 'I've heard of you, but never seen you, all good things. I hope one day to meet, you seem good. Perhaps lonely. I might like you, if you gave me the chance, but I'd understand if you don't like me. I hope your future is a kind one, whatever kind of future it is. I don't know you well enough, even in stories, to tell.' )

Somewhere, there is a valley tucked neatly behind the ridges of hills, in the lowered groove 'twixt them where the land sinks ginger under the long grass and the wild flower of the knolls; as though gently swept down, as though the soft lowering of a stomach, ribs high against the soft tension of smooth skin in earth, as though the rounded edges of hands where the knuckles stood war-like as the gentle palm sinks; ball of the hand softer than the upper of the palm, the upper of the palm softer than the fingers, the fingers softer than the nails, the nails softer than the bones inside them all.

Somewhere, there is a valley of tender, shivering silver. plush moss lining the ground like bolster turned cloudy like rain, muted but beautiful in variation, white paint blending with greys in the fiber that wasn't fiber, the tissue that was. A place no one knew. a place one did. flowers split, forbearing as though shifting only between the folds, and reeds rose in the bed. A place that never died, flowers like chanting; the same message, 'hundred times over, 'thousand more. ━ Somewhere, you know this place. Somewhere, no one else knows at all. Somewhere, it tells you something. Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere...

━ lotus, cherry blossom, chrysanthemum. ( 'how much would it take to stop grieving yourself, and choose to live? how long?' )

[krysmcscience]

I dunno, guys, I think MAGA has been pretty fukken violent and feeling justified in doing so already. :(

(But yeah, definitely be careful and stay safe, guys. Shit's gonna get rough.)

I think it needs to be said in light of VERY recent events that violence on the MAGA front is about to increase tenfold. They will see this as permission to carry out the violence they've been promising since day one. Don't fearmonger, just keep yourselves and your families wary. Please stay safe out there, americans.

[autistichalsin]

Some of you are literally watching the right wing continuously try to expand the definition of "pedophilia" to include "existing around a child while queer," and then agreeing with them when they say pedophiles deserve to be summarily executed.

Not only does this place innocent people in danger of political executions, it also puts children in danger, as most children who are sexually abused have this done by someone close to them, and feelings that they would be responsible for the death of their abuser if they reported leads to lower rates of reporting. It also leads to higher rates of abusers murdering their victims when they're found out because the punishment will be the same anyway.

Part of being on the left is realizing that it's better to let 100 guilty men go free than to wrongly convict one. Another part of being on the left is realizing that one's life is never something others have the right to take away- even the most evil people alive. Yes, that includes mass murderers and rapists and pedophiles. Once you make one group acceptable to kill, you give others a vested interest in defining groups they have prejudice against into that group.

You have to start dealing with the fact that no crime makes one's life forfeit. Not even the worst most depraved and sadistic acts. The worst people alive have rights, and if you can't accept that they deserve them, at least try to accept that it is to your benefit that they retain rights no matter what they're accused of. And if you can't do even that, well... you just might be the kind of person who would cut off your nose to spite your face.

If you want to protect victims, if you want to protect minority groups, you have to realize that sex crimes, or any crimes at all, do not deserve the death penalty. Period.

[teaboot]

Kinda gotta admire the tiktok instagram cottagecore tradwife hoes a little bit.

Like. THEY know that the perfect pretty obedient natural-makeup gently-coiffed rural June Cleaver, barefoot-and-pregnant in a sweet little peasant dress, baking fresh bread24-7 housewife doesn't exist.

They KNOW she doesn't exist. They know she CAN'T exist- that nobody can maintain that façade without burning out eventually-

but they also know that the political divide between men and women is deeper than ever in North America, that men as a demographic are getting increasingly angry and conservative and lonely (fuck off terfs and radfems i can sense your bioessentialism coming), and that women aren't legally beholden to them anymore.

This is one of the first generations in North America where women aren't entirely reliant on finding a husband and keeping him happy to survive, to hold a bank account or live apart from their parents, and so what men are dealing with is several hundred years of being told that REAL men have hot fuckable agreeable wives and...a present reality where nobody is lining up to apply for that position.

So what these shills have done- and they ARE shills- is that they've seen that divide, that niche that isn't being filled, that role that's so unpleasant but so desired- and they've constructed a caricature for profit.

Women aren't naturally more gentle, or parental, or submissive. Women aren't naturally, effortlessly smooth and soft and hairless and desiring of simple tasks to fill their time and a big, strong provider to protect them.

But generations of marketing and media have told us it's POSSIBLE, if not for those pesky man-hating feminist libs and their oversensitive woke culture lashing out at Normal Folks for no good reason.

Like- they're selling themselves, the characters they're playing, as an IMAGE, as a FANTASY, and they rely on people BELIEVING in that fantasy to keep the money rolling in.

The people who buy into it sincerely, the women who give up their degrees and careers and financial freedom for this "simple, peaceful life" we ALL desire in some form, away from stress and technology and horrible things on the news... only to get trapped with six children and a partner with all the power who could up and strand them at any moment... they're just collateral.

Like, "Shame it didn't work out for you, have you tried losing weight and trying harder? Maybe some extra Adult Time? He wouldn't have to chase someone younger and prettier if you'd just take care of yourself and put out more."

I on't hate this faux-humble faux-simple wannabe-amish bullshit just because I grew up rural and know it's fucking stupid, hard work and blood and shit and cow piss and placement in the rain kinda crap.

I ALSO hate it because these women are straight-up class traitors, selling off not just their own image as people, but everyone else's, just to make some paper on a grift.

You know Marie Antoinette used to wear sweet little milkmaid-style dresses and play with lambs in the field, just like the poors?

Never mind that she OWNED the land, and the field, and the people, the cute little frocks, and didn't help the sheep birth, or bury the dead premies, or slaughter for meat, or fight off wolves and dogs, ferrets and foxes and rats with a stick in the winter.

It was just fashionable to pretend.

Sweet and coquettish and Quaint.

THAT is why I hate that shit, and THAT is why I give a fuck.

[turian]

nah but the way people will debate back and forth endlessly over whether or not men are fucking discriminated against while completely fucking ignoring men undergoing a genocide because they're not white........ like we're really fucking pulling our hair out desperately trying to get donations for siraj (btw, pls fucking donate, his campaign has been stagnating and we're like. genuinely freaking out which is only a fraction of what i imagine siraj is feeling considering his family's survival hangs in the balance) and it has been such a wildly fucking uphill battle and it's like it needs to be spoon fed to everyone like . is he really going to be punished for not wanting to share images of his children?????????? for wanting to protect them???????? fucking ridiculous. i grew up with stories about the way people turned away from genocide and i'm just seeing that again now on the daily

[iiryebreadii]

listen if you're telling me that femininity is feminine because it's performed by women, then logically any action i take should be considered feminine by virtue of me being afab and identifying as a woman(?? maybe) BUT you're also saying that no that's not how it works its what's stereotypically female behavior that defines femininity and not an individual's actions, but that doesn't make sense either because a 'stereotypical woman' will act differently depending on the time period and location she is raised in. in what world are we capable of generalizing approximately 50% of the planet's population. and anyway does that even matter if what is considered feminine is pushed upon girls at a young age and they are told "this is what you must be"? because at that point how would anyone tell what is nature vs nurture? society tells us what is feminine and masculine and then viciously reprimands any deviation from those traits, but where do the standards come from? if it is possible for them to change so drastically over time and location, then "femininity" and "masculinity" are not some rigid set of rules set in some platonic ideal; rather they would be descriptions of generalized behavior in a certain time for a specific set of people. in trying to use these descriptions as rules, the behavior morphs into itself over time, cannibalizing the structures and descriptions and inbreeding them until we end up with grotesque caricatures of "masculinity" and "femininity" that force people into such tiny boxes that they become unlivable. in this essay i will—

[like-a-gutted-fish]

i am a child.

i am forced into a dress. makeup is smeared onto my face. i kick and cry and beg, but they will not stop.

i am forced to pose in front of the camera with my thighs together and hope that the makeup hides my tearstains. i must be the perfect picture of femininity; innocent, untouched.

i already have a thousand hand prints on me.

'all men are evil rapists', i am told.

i think about my friends, who are men. the men who called me every day while i was in a psychiatric hospital. the men who walked me home when i was afraid. the men who protected and cared for me, without ever expecting my body in return.

it can't be the body that makes someone evil. it can't be the presence of a penis that makes someone evil. but it can't be the identity of 'man' that makes you evil, either.

i ponder the difference between the men who raped me and the men who protected me. i decide that it depends on who the person is inside, and not on their identity.

'sit down and shut up,' they spit at me. 'the men are talking. learn your place. don't speak over us.'

'you throw like a girl.'

'you run like a girl.'

'girls can't do this. they're not smart enough.'

'girls aren't strong enough to do this.'

over and over, such sentiments are tossed at me. i bite down my anger, because women aren't supposed to yell or get angry. if i get angry, that makes me a hysterical bitch.

'women are meant to be mothers,' i am told. they beat it into me that my worth lies not in my personhood, but in the womb between my hips. it makes me feel sick and violated, just like every sexual assault has.

i am groped. i am raped. i am assaulted.

it's my fault, i'm told. i'm a temptress. my body is a vile weapon, a weapon created to tempt men into sin, a weapon that makes me a subhuman toy.

i am treated like a toy. as i am molested during my childhood, i learn that i am a toy. the anatomy between my hips has marked me as public property. i am less than human.

they keep forcing me into dresses. they keep forcing me into makeup. no amount of protesting makes it end. i grow to loathe femininity and the violation that always seems to come with it.

i come out as a trans man at fifteen.

'can't you just be nonbinary?'

'can't you just be a tomboy?'

'i don't want you to regret this.'

'i don't want you to ruin your perfect body.'

'men are disgusting. why do you want to be one of them?'

'are you sure you don't just want to be a man because you were sexually assaulted?'

i continue to be a man. my parents intentionally delay my ability to go on testosterone. by the time i am able to go on testosterone, i have already finished puberty. my body is irreversibly feminine.

people throw food at me. they call me a faggot, a tranny, a dyke. they kick me and shove me to the ground. they cyberstalk me. they post pictures of me online so that they can mock me.

a girl says to me, 'you need to learn your place,' as she calls me a faggot over the internet. she kicks me when she sees me the next day.

my boyfriend when i am fifteen is a cis man who says he is pansexual. he dismisses me when i talk about being trans, because he uses he/they pronouns and 'understands it'.

he sexually assaults me repeatedly. i am in constant distress. my distress is used as proof that i am a snowflake hysterical tranny. i am a hysterical woman who only THINKS she's a man, and i need to be put in my place. trans 'men' are all hysterical and overreactive, and my behaviour is used as proof.

my boyfriend exclusively refers to me with they/them pronouns. i tell him to use he/him. he waves his hand, dismissing my words, and says, 'they're basically the same thing'.

he tells me that he wants children. i try to ignore the sick feeling in my gut.

he only uses he/him pronouns for me after we have broken up, when he is trying to paint me as abusive. i lose my entire friend group because of it.

people keep talking down to me. when i go on testosterone, cis men try to explain that it's toxic for me, using cis man bodybuilders as an example. i try to explain how that isn't the case. they insist that 'female bodies aren't built to handle testosterone'. i try to explain to them how hormones work, and they laugh and roll their eyes.

silly girl. stupid girl. she doesn't know what she's talking about.

people continue to make fun of trans men online. our music, our art, our interests, our fashion sense, our names. i cannot help but feel dejected. all i want is to be a man, and to fit in among everyone else, but even in doing so, i stand out as a target for mockery. misogyny is inescapable, even for men.

i am seventeen years old. my worst fear comes true. i am raped and forcibly impregnated, with the intention of forcing me to detransition.

that sense of violation is impossible to truly describe.

my reproductive system was designed to become pregnant. my body will do its best to become pregnant, no matter what i want. pregnancy is an inescapable function of my body, and it makes me feel trapped and sick.

the man who raped me has turned my own body into a weapon against me. even in my body, my own flesh and sinew, i am not safe.

i miscarry. i am in agony. my womb cramps and i try not to pass out.

i enter feminist spaces. i try to talk about my experiences with misogyny.

'sit down and shut up,' they spit at me. 'the women are talking. learn your place. don't speak over us.'

all trans men have male privilege, you see, without exception. by the mere act of wanting to become a man, i have become a traitor, and i am thrown to the cis men.

the cis men, who see me as a woman that they're finally allowed to abuse. finally, they can hurt and rape and impregnate a woman, because she's one of those snowflake trannies and she needs to be put in her place.

i bite down my anger, because trans men aren't supposed to yell or get angry. if i get angry, it's proof that i'm not a man, that i'm a hysterical bitch, and that i'm a dangerous snowflake tranny seeking to mutilate children.

the sentiment is bitterly familiar.