#(the original musical is about missionary work I think)

[obstinaterixatrix]

The thing is I do feel like ‘don’t laugh’ comes off as a bit clumsier to me and it makes sense considering it was… kind of early-ish? part of someone else’s show? but I’m just so. okay. like okay. I think if that song was written like 10 years later than it was, it would’ve hit like a truck. OH my god there are more lyrics than there are in that recording oh my god no wonder that recording cuts that out

[catsgut]

how scumbag jjk characters fuck

ft. gojo, yuuji, geto, toji, and megumi. all 18+

warnings : honestly just nasty men

-gojo

ok so scumbag gojo seems like any other fuckboy, but believe me when i say he’s completely different. he knows he’s hot so he doesn’t bother trying to be nice to girls. they will sleep with him either way, so why would he fake it?

always video tapes his hookups. doesn’t matter where or with who. once he filmed himself fucking a girl in an alleyway, flipping the camera around from the pov angle of your ass bent over to his face, flashing the camera a peace sign and a silly face

cums inside without asking and moans i love you everytime without fail

missionary is his favorite, but he also isn’t picky. any position where he can show off his pretty face works for him

moans like a little bitch and says things that aren’t even really that hot, but it’s gojo…. “take this long fat cock!!” “gunna creampie your cooch!”

always makes sure to eat your pussy like he is starved! he moans into it so loudly like he’s the one getting head. honestly the best part about hooking up with him.. i can see him doing that thing where he shakes his head side to side really fast with his tongue out lmfao

tells you to leave .5 seconds after he cums. does not want to cuddle after but will tell you to text him!

doesn’t text back

anyway, you aren’t leaving unsatisfied, but you’re definitely getting that post nut clarity on your way home. was it worth the second hand embarrassment?

-yuuji

lives with his mom and seems like a sweet boy, but gojo and geto have corrupted him. kinda a ladies man… he’s so sweet like a little puppy dog. hard to say to to him.

does not care what position, but he is an ass man. asks if you wanna try anal like every time you guys see each other. when you tell him yes, and you will, he doesn’t like wearing a condom. kinda gross, but he’s cute so you let it slide

he fucks hard and fast with 0 rythme. you ask him to slow down, but ten seconds later he is back to his original pace.

another moaner like gojo. he will be whining in your ear the whole time

he has such a big mommy kink it’s crazy. will suck your tits and ask you to call him a good boy, but if he’s around his friends he’s telling them how nasty you were for him.

cums inside, but when he does pull out, it shoots the back of your head into your hair. will proceed to cuddle you after. it’s very confusing because he tells you he likes you, but once you leave don’t expect a text back unless it’s him asking for nudes.

honestly the nicest out of all of them, but in no way does he care about your feelings. his only concerns are when he’s going to get laid next.

-geto

the way geto will have you FOOLED. like he can be just as rude as gojo, but he’s nice about it?? you at first believe him to be an alright guy, until you show up to the trailer him and gojo share. it’s dirty and smells like blunt ash. he doesn’t seem to have a problem with his bare mattress being on the ground in the living room area, patting the spot next to him

plays music loudly and honestly his playlist is pretty good so you don’t mind.

loves fucking you in doggy and will stick a thumb in your ass. thinks it’s funny to “accidentally” try to stick his dick in the wrong hole

pulls out and cums wherever, but never inside. he claims it is because he’s “too much of a gentleman” yet he refuses to wear a condom.

he fucks so good though you can’t even complain. the dick is immaculate

doesn’t eat pussy, says it’s gross but will ask for a blowjob 10 minutes into hanging out with him. “i let you smoke my weed i think i deserve something in return.” he will ask you to politely please leave if you say no.

let’s you shower afterwards, but honestly after seeing the state his bathroom is in you don’t know if you want to

-toji

idk where to begin. the scummiest of scummy men. hits you up on his friends phone because he doesn’t own one himself… you know he’s a piece of shit, but this dick is so good?? it’s unreal..

he can’t hold a job down, but he knows how to beat that pussy up. he’s so sloppy and gross with it.

degrades tf out of you! pulling your hair, spitting on you, ect.. anything downright dirty he’s into it. lowkey likes feet and probably sucks toes while he’s balls deep in you

doesn’t use lube, but soooooo much spit wooo man salivates so much

EATS ASSSSSSS i just know he does. will spit on it and try shoving his tongue as deep as it’ll go

his favorite position is pushing your knees to your chest. he’s able to fuck into you deeper that way. takes rearranging your guts to a whole other level.

PULL OUT GAME STRONG AF. man does notttt!! want another kid. he doesn’t even take care of the one he has now. still no condom though

you will most likely get a uti no matter how many times you piss afterwards, sorry. thats just the chance you have to take, but its honestly so worth it.

he is the one dipping out after sex because it’s never his house he fucks you at. (he doesn’t have a place of his own)

-megumi

you know he isn’t very nice, but he also isn’t down right mean? like geto, will smoke you out in his car and expect head afterwards. doesn’t tell you to leave if you say no, but will jerk off anyways.

boob man all the way. he doesn’t care about size, but likes to make you feel insecure about them. he’ll tease you about having a chest too small/big

likes when you squat ride him. he’s lazy and doesn’t feel like putting in the work. he won’t make eye contact what so ever, eyes only focused on your tits and pussy.

if you get tired in your position on top he will sigh and just lay there till you’re ready to start bouncing again.

doesn’t dirty talk or moan really. it’s mostly grunts and heavy breathing, but when you’re sucking his dick you can sometimes squeeze a whimper or two out.

like his daddy, his pull out game is above and beyond. doesn’t even want to take a chance with getting you pregnant and honestly doesn’t mind wearing a condom. if he isn’t wearing one then he likes to cum on your face and in your eyes.

he’s kind of sadistic, but just way too lazy to do anything about it.

let’s you shower after sex, but he only has a bar of soap that has pubes stuck to it in his shower. you wonder why his skin is so clear…

doesn’t care that much if you hang out after sex, but he won’t talk to you. just sits there on his phone. he’s actually not horrible about texting back, but don’t get attached because he is absolutely talking to several other girls.

[sailoryooons]

Lights | Episode 1 | jjk (m)

❀ Pairing: Idol!Jungkook x Producer! F. reader

❀ Summary: Meeting Jungkook was a chance of fate. A moment frozen in time, eyes meeting across a room full of lights. The more the two of you advance in your career, the more lost in the lights you become. What if you never find your way back?

❀ Word Count: 15,069 

❀ Genre: Heavy angst, Idolverse, strangers to lovers, eventual smut

❀ Rating: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately. 

❀ Warnings: Discussions of manipulation in the music industry, there are gentle hints at the potential for Jungkook and reader to be addicts, general topics of competitiveness between kids growing up, recreational drinking, references to people using sex as advantage, allusions to topics of promiscuity, recreational drug use (weed), reader’s agent straight up trying to get her to have sexual relations with people, implications of using people, reader is aggressively goal-oriented, Jungkook and reader are a little naive and sort of love-at-first-sighting, explicit language, explicit sexual content, three sex scenes, sex in a public place (restaurant bathroom), oral (m. and f. receiving), spit play, spit in general, light degradation, rough sex, sex under the influence of alcohol (both are able to consent and want it), Jungkook drives after drinking (not implied or referenced that he’s drunk but he is driving after having glasses of wine), nipple play, vaginal fingering, reverse cowgirl, ass play (f. receiving), missionary, fucking from the side, a little bit of come play, voyeurism if you squint, a hint of possessiveness, literally so many bodily fluids like a ton, reader kind of being in something like subspace and being fucked stupid/to sleep basically, aftercare referenced, implied toxic relationships with past coworkers/current coworkers, references to vicious/toxic work industry, light depictions of cocaine use (not explicitly seen) by a side character, honestly Jungkook and reader are a lil cringe in this and moving very fast but they have addictive personalities idk what to tell you, there are hints to their addictive personalities, talk about social anxiety needing medication/alcohol to take the edge off (not good to do people!!!), very light hinting at traits that will be a problem 

❀ Published: October 6, 2023

❀ A/N: This might be the most gratuitous thing I have ever written - it actually might be too much sex? At what point is it too much and just too much come and kissing and the word c*ck, genuinely? Anyway, my goal with this chapter wasn’t so much plot as it was to introduce how volatile these two have the potential to be. If you’ve ever known someone who has struggled with addiction, you will notice the little innocent behaviors that have the potential for utter disaster. These are two people who are wildly native and very much think they are in control of their life, but who are a little reckless. It will seem like they get together fast because they do with like.. Very little regard for anything else. I really hope you enjoy this story. I think it will become sort of a little thing for me to put parts of past traumas I have into it to finally let them go, maybe! Also - I am using the western naming pattern in this with first name last name because of the ambiguity of where this story takes place. ❀ A/N 2: This story was originally named ‘Hiraeth’ but after chatting with a kind anon, I realized that the definition and translation of the word did not fit and lost cultural context from its original meaning and thus changed the title to Lights. Thank you @here2bbtstrash for the loyal beta read and @gimmethatagustd for helping me get VERY unstuck multiple times by letting me talk in circles and offering words of wisdom.

❀ Disclaimer: All members of BTS are faces and name claims for this story. This is entirely a work of fiction and by no means is meant to be a projection, judgment, or representation of real-life people. Any scenarios or representations of the people and places mentioned in works are not representative of real-life scenarios. This series does not attempt to paint a realistic depiction of idols, or the industry, or draw comparisons. None of the scenes or elements in this series in any way reflect how I perceive the music industry and do not represent any opinions. This is not intellectual commentary, it is just straight-up fiction. 

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Ask | Lights Playlist | Previous Episode | Tag Lists | Next Episode

Jungkook looks like sin. It’s the first thought you have as you pause at the bottom of the stairs, eyes nearly blinded by the twinkling lights above. But there he is, standing in the glow of flashing purples and pinks, looking right at you.

He’s standing at one of the booths on the far end of the club, which has been rented for an event that you don’t remember the details of. His eyes land on you, and though you’ve never met, you suddenly feel a connection snap into place, something magnetic. For a moment, everything goes quiet, like in those romance books you used to read when you were a teenager.

Before, it used to seem a little silly. You didn’t think it was possible to suddenly see no one else in a room full of people except one person.

Now, it doesn’t seem that preposterous. You’re only able to take in a fraction of information in the second that your eyes connect with his: round face, long, wavy hair, and an arm full of tattoos with a drink held in his hand. 

He is stunning. You already knew that from the other two times you’ve caught a flash of him at events, but every time you see him in person, you’re awed all over again by the effortless way he catches the eye.

The tension between the two of you breaks as someone knocks into you and you stumble, trying not to twist your ankle with the high heels you’re currently wearing. Too short to see over the rest of the crowd, you lose sight of Jungkook. Music comes rushing back to you, the vibration of the base and the hum of synth making it nearly impossible to hear what your agent says next to you.

“What?”

“Do you remember the list I gave you?” Mila demands, grabbing your wrist and pulling you through the crowd. It hurts a little as she drags you along, impatient after arriving at the event late because you had a problem with your wardrobe for the evening. “That list is imperative.” 

“Yes.” 

The list is impossible. You have memorized at least two dozen people that your agent expects you to talk to and rub elbows with tonight. Some of them are certainly doable - people at your own company, artists you’re familiar with. Others are ridiculous, including idols that are several calibers above your station as a newly promoted producer at ILIA. 

Sure, you have the new glow of recent popularity after some surprising award wins and being likable on social media - which matters to your company as much as producing award-winning records - but you know what they all think. You know that they think your parents paid someone or that you fucked your way out of being a junior producer. 

It helps that neither is true. It doesn’t help that you would have done it anyway, if it meant feeding the simmering hunger inside of you that never seems to fade, your desire to win outweighing everything else. 

“You should catch up with your old friend Luna, she should be easy. You trained with her in the early building stages of ILIA.”

“Yeah,” you mutter faintly. “I remember her.”

You remember almost all of them. Something about spending your formative years with a bunch of teenagers being pitted against one another to be the best has made their faces and names permanent. Even the ones who didn’t make the cut or quit on their own.

Quitting is a foreign concept to you. It’s not as foreign as Mila kissing the cheek of some manager at some company you don’t know, pushing you toward them. You don’t care about who he is. There’s nothing he can offer you if he’s not someone who makes music. And as far as you’re concerned, you’re under the careful and powerful tutelage of the Suga. 

Yoongi is a better connection than almost everyone in this building and you know it. 

Suddenly you regret turning down his offer to stay at the studio and work. Yoongi has the agency to say no to scheming agents and public relations teams. He’s already paid his way to be able to do whatever he wants. Specifically, he’s paid in manipulation, blood, sweat, tears, and drama.

You are fresh meat swimming alone in shark-filled waters. Still, you look people in the eye as you shake hands and force smiles all night, going through your mental rolodex of names and achievements. You exchange phone numbers with a few actresses, promising to get drinks. You’re sure they wouldn’t want to if you weren’t fresh off an award-season win. Still, it’s something. 

You spot Jimin in the crowd, feeling relief as you step up toward the series of booths that you spotted Jungkook near earlier. 

“Finally someone tolerable,” Jimin yells when he sees you, tossing back the rest of his champagne. He has kohl smudged around his eyes, making his gaze far more intense as he gives you a once-over. “You look ravishing. Are you sure you don’t want to take me up on the offer to come home with me?”

It would be a lie to say you both haven’t flirted with the idea. There’s something genuine in your friendship, though. Something difficult to find, a twin-flame soul that you’d be hard-pressed to ruin for a bit of publicity. Even if Jimin is the most divine creature you’ve ever laid eyes on. 

It’s out of the question, though. Jimin has become your safehaven in a house of cards world.

Looking him up and down, you let out a long whistle. His hair is freshly dyed bubblegum pink, glittering earrings looped through his ears that scatter the light. Tight black pants with a designer belt and a silk shirt tucked into the waist make him look elegant, the textured Chanel blazer cut perfectly to his narrow frame. 

“Honestly, Mila doesn’t care whether we fuck or not. She still sells that rumor to the press. Doesn’t matter if it’s true. ”

Jimin makes a face at your agent's name. He glances over to where she’s talking up someone from X Entertainment. “She’s a fucking snake.” 

“Well, she’s the snake assigned to me. It’s not like I picked her. As soon as they saw me as marketable, there she was hissing at my door and telling me I have to get in glam to wipe my ass.”

“So bite back. I know you have it in you.” You grimace and reach for a glass of champagne from a tray as it passes you. Jimin sighs as he looks you up and down. “I know you have fangs, little monster.”

You sip the champagne and make a face. It is far too sweet, fizzing on your tongue. “A dragon does not kill the sheep because it feels threatened. It kills when it pleases.”

“My girl. Let’s go around the room, shall we? I want to keep those rumors going.”

With a laugh, you take his hand and let him lead you around the room, passing Mila who grins at you as you go. You try not to leer at her, irritated with her obsession with your relationship with Jimin. When she first noticed that you and Jimin hit it off, she surprised you with an entirely new designer lingerie line. Just because, she had said. A girl should feel powerful and sexy. 

After a few attempts, Mila has finally learned you’re not a dumb little lamb. You’ll take her advice when you want it, but you refuse to let it be at the expense of the single person you trust outside of Yoongi, though Yoongi does not entirely count. As your mentor and senior, he would be horrified to hear you call him a friend. 

After nearly an hour of fake smiles, forced laughter, and far too much champagne, you’re tired and buzzed. You’ve talked to at least ten people on Mila’s long list of celebrities, execs, investors, and influencers that she’s pushed onto you. Another member of that list is standing a few feet away from you, laughing loudly at something Jimin says as she puts her manicured hand on his arm. 

As you contemplate whether or not you should bite the bullet and risk saying hello to Luna, someone behind you says, “She hates you. I think she still holds it against you that you got a producer deal without debuting.” 

Whirling around to identify the voice, you stop short. Jungkook Jeon stares down at you, his eyes just as dark and alluring as they were earlier when you made brief eye contact from across the room. This close, he is taller than you expect. His skin-tight white shirt leaves nothing to the imagination, showing the defined muscles of his stomach and chest, and his perfect, tapered waist. 

It’s a face you’re familiar with, pasted across fashion campaigns and media outlets as he talks about his new single. Your heart is pounding as you drink him in. Soft lips, round cheekbones, and gentle eyes that darken considerably when he watches you look him over.

“Yeah,” you say back, swallowing the rest of your champagne. The carbonation catches you by surprise, making you cough as you swallow the sweet liquid the wrong way. 

He laughs and takes the flute away from you, sticking it on a tray as a server passes by. “Bad swallower?” Instead of answering him, you put one hand on your chest as you cough and the other on his arm, steadying yourself as you lean over and cough, clearing your throat. “Damn, Mozart. You okay?”

“Yeah,” you rasp, feeling your face warm in embarrassment. You remove your hand from his arm and ask, “Mozart?”

“Don’t you do all that composing and shit?”

“I do that producing and shit, yeah.”

“It’s about the same. You’re Min’s prodigy, which means you’re Mozart. And he’s Haydn.” 

“I’m sorry, you know the names of classical composers?”

He smirks. “I know your name.”

“Well, I’m afraid I don’t know yours.” 

It’s a lie. You both know it is, and the grin that spreads across his face is downright devilish as he sticks his hand out. “Jungkook,” he says. You shake his hand, admiring his tattoos. And his fingers. But mostly his tattoos. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Pleasure is mine.”

“I would love to make that come true.”

You raise a brow. “Is this how most of your conversations go? Telling people that others hate them, name-dropping classical musicians, and making sexual innuendos?”

“Honestly? No, but I am having a great time. I will, however, drop the innuendos if they’re not your style.”

You smile. “I didn’t say that.” 

His answering smile makes your stomach flip.  “Want to get a drink?”

“Depends. Are you going to tell me about all these people who hate me?”

“This is my promise to you that I will only ever be honest with you. So yes.”

You gesture toward the bar. “Lead the way, then.”

Bodies press against you as the two of you snake through the crowd. Jungkook turns a few times to check on you and flashes you a quick smile to reassure him that you’re okay. It’s cute, you think. You don’t know much about him, but you’re impressed thus far. 

And perhaps a little intimidated by his star power and reputation. 

At the bar, the crowd pushes you closer, knocking your arm into his. He steadies you, keeping his hand on your elbow. “What’s your poison?” 

“Vodka soda!” you shout back to him. He nods and leans against the bar, giving your order to the bartender. Jungkook draws attention like moths to a flame, people looking at him and whispering behind manicured hands. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you.”

You narrow your eyes as he waits on the drinks, one elbow propped on the bar, his other hand still on your arm. He bites his bottom lip, staring at you. “One might try and say you have something up your sleeve.”

“Nope, just my heart on my sleeve. You’re cute and I’ve heard nice things about you from Jimin. We grew up together.”

“Wait, really?”

That is a surprise to you. Jimin has never mentioned growing up with Jungkook or being remotely friendly of the sort. You frown as you think about it, wondering if Jimin left it out for a reason or felt that it was an unimportant fact. 

“Mhmm.” Jungkook hands you a drink, the glass already sweating from the humidity of the club. “What, Jimin doesn’t brag about me?”

“We don’t gossip about people in the industry.” 

Carefully, the two of you navigate back toward your section. Jungkook finds an empty booth and slides in, patting the seat next to him. You sit down and lean back, kicking your legs out in front of you and crossing them at the ankle. Your dress is short but remains modest, enough to keep people guessing. You take a sip of your drink, the burn making you hiss.

“I so rarely see you at events,” Jungkook says after a sip of his dark drink. “I’ve wanted to introduce myself for a while and then you came in and it was like we had a moment.”

“You mean you wanted it to be a moment.”

“Maybe I did.” He smiles. “So where have you been hiding?”

“Legend of Zelda isn’t going to play itself. I come to the events I feel like are worth it.”

Actually, you come to whatever Mila drags you to. Jungkook doesn’t need to know how most of your time is spent in a music studio with the caffeine shakes trying to perfect songs to make sure you don’t get tossed out on the street.  

He narrows his eyes. “Tears of the Kingdom?”

“Obviously. I’ve been building weapons of mass destruction for days.” 

Jungkook tilts his head back and laughs. “What other games do you like, Mozart?” 

Talking to Jungkook is a pleasant surprise. He isn’t at all what social media makes him out to be. You find he’s incredibly kind, certainly flirty, but also wildly endearing. You feel a little guilty at assuming his veneer would be thin and made of plastic like the rest. 

It certainly doesn’t feel like you’re talking to someone who went number one on Billboard the week prior. Jungkook doesn’t talk about other people he knows or ask about work. He flits through topics like a curious bird, quizzing your interests, scrunching his nose, and pouting when you say something he doesn’t like. 

It’s cute. He’s cute, and you’d be lying if you said that the longer you sat next to him,  you haven’t started to think about what it would be like to taste him. Even if he moves on the next day like his reputation has led you to believe. 

But… there’s something there. A spark, though perhaps a trick of the lights.

-

“You want me to what?” you ask, lowering your voice as you lean into Mila’s ear. 

A raucous chorus of Happy Birthday is being poorly sung on the dance floor. You hadn’t even realized this event was for someone’s birthday, and you have half a mind to ask who the hell you should be wishing a happy day of birth to, but Mila is bitching you out in front of the building’s restrooms. 

Even tucked away in the hall outside of the bathroom, you speak in hushed tones, worried someone will overhear her scheming. She looks down her beaky nose at you, eyes like an eagle. “Fuck him,” she repeats slowly, drawing out the syllables like you’re a toddler. “He’s into you and it would be great for publicity.”

“I’m sorry, but since when do you dictate my sex life?” 

Not only are you a little too buzzed to have this conversation, but the very implication that your agent thinks she can make you fuck Jungkook is hilarious enough to have you start giggling hysterically. Mila watches you with narrowed eyes as you cover your mouth, laughing behind your hands. 

“You are not a naive little girl,” Mila hisses at you. “He wants to fuck you, so let him. He’s attractive, he has influence, and he’s with one of the big four companies. It would be good press.”

“You and the fucking press, you’re obsessed!” 

“No, I’m right. My job is to be right and to tell you what to do, and right now I’m telling you that Jungkook is already known for sticking his dick in anything he can. He’s been staring at you all night. You’d be doing yourself a favor.”

You take a step back from her and hold up your hand. “If I fuck him, it’s because he’s hot and I want to. Not to play political chess for you, understood?”

“In my experience, you either become interesting or watch your career fade. Your time of being interesting is ticking. Your call. I’m getting out of here. Do what you want, like you always do.”

What Mila says hurts but you refuse to let it show, holding out a hand to gesture the way out of the hall. She walks by you brusquely, sweeping her blunt, black hair over her shoulder as she goes. You stand in the dark, the door to the bathrooms opening and closing, flashing bright light and then leaving you in with colors pulsing in front of you as your eyes try to readjust every few seconds. 

A loud group of girls startle you as they stumble out of the bathroom, laughing raucously. They’re a tangle of legs and heels and sweet-smelling perfume, nearly running you over as they sway, a collective mass of bodies. They look exactly like the women you cut out of magazines and pasted in your journal as a kid, dragging your finger over the pretty dresses and the designer names listed in the captions.

Luna stops short when she sees you, straightening and brushing her freshly dyed silver hair out of her face. She is cherubic and beautiful, her round cheeks flushing naturally and doll mouth always rosebud pink. You feel trepidation as she regards you, the girls in her group hanging back a bit as she assesses you.

“How are you?” she questions, settling on polite while flashing you a pointed smile and holding out her arms. 

Fake. Fake. Fake. Fake.

You feel a flicker of anger at yourself as you let her pull you into a hug, resentful that you must play this game. She smells like vodka and vanilla, and when she pulls away, you see the barest hint of white on her nose. You brush your finger back and forth on your nostril. 

“Oh.” She wipes it off with the back of her hand, giving a short, shallow sniff. “Thanks.”

“You look nice,” you offer stiffly. Your tongue is heavy from drinking and you scramble for compliments to say, even if they aren’t true. “I like your new song.”

“Thanks! I have the best producers and writers available out there. They really know exactly what they’re doing.” 

You feel the strain in your smile tighten. Moves and counter moves. “That’s good.”

“My team is great. I’m so thankful I had the opportunity to be with S3vn.”

Luna’s voice is polite. Happy, even. But you hear the double meaning in her words. Remember the way she cut your hair before a major review day when you were sixteen. She’s become better at being mean in a nice way. And you have become better at being unaffected, knowing it is her least favorite response.

“It’s nice to see you, Luna.”

Her smile drops when you don’t get upset. You turn and leave the hallway, palms sweaty and head spinning. Swallowing thickly, you wipe your hands on your exposed thighs and walk back to where Jungkook is sitting, surprised to see Jimin has joined him. He narrows his eyes as you approach, but his expression is overall unreadable.

You sit back down silently on the other side of Jimin, staring off into space. The room feels like it’s spinning. You’re toeing the line of buzzed and drunk, so you sip some water, letting yourself go silent as you absently stare into the crowd, watching the cascading lights, a little lost in them.

Jimin waves his hand back and forth in front of your face. “Are you listening?”

You blink a few times, turning to see him and Jungkook looking at you. “What?”

“Jungkook invited us to an after-party. J-Hope is having some people over.”

“Oh.” 

Chewing on your lip, you let your eyes drift to Jungkook. He gives you a tentative smile, nodding his head in encouragement.

“You should come,” Jungkook encourages with a coy grin. “I’d have fun with you there.”

“Do you want to go?” you ask Jimin quietly, looking back at him. He still has a vague expression, one you can’t figure out. “I’ll only go if you do.” 

“Sure,” he offers. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

-

“So you’re Yoongi’s prodigy? No shit!” Hoseok asks, looking at you from the front seat of the van. City lights blur on the other side of the window and it’s hard to hear him over the screeching singing in the car and the blaring music. “You’re about as hard to meet as Yoongi is!” 

J-Hope - Hoseok, as he has asked you to call him - gives you a bright smile. You just stare at him, shocked that he has any idea who you are. You make a mental note to thank Yoongi for even mentioning your name to him. Hoseok is an absolute powerhouse and someone you’ve followed for years. It’s a good connection.

“Told you that you’d want to meet her,” Jungkook says, voice deep. 

Jungkook’s body presses against yours in the packed-tight vehicle. His hand is on top of your knee. His cologne smells like amber and sandalwood, making your eyelashes flutter as you breathe in. You lay your head back against the headrest of the seat, letting it roll to the side a little to test his reaction when you place your head on his shoulder.

He turns his head toward you, his breath fanning against your forehead. You smell his mint gum. If you look up at him right now, your mouths would be close enough to kiss. “Hi,” he says softly. 

“Hi.”

“You have pretty eyes.”

“I grew them myself.”

Jungkook’s laughter is abrupt. You grin at his mirth. He has a cute laugh, totally at odds with the edgy tattoos and the way he carries himself. The paradox intrigues you.

“That wasn’t very smooth, was it?” 

He shakes his head. “It’s honest. I like it. Your reactions are probably the most genuine thing I’ve seen all night. I like genuine.” 

“There’s not a lot of that to go around.”

“I know. That’s why I’m glad we locked eyes from across the room.”

You roll your eyes. “Okay, The Lonely Island.”

Hoseok lives in a luxurious apartment on the east side of the city. The entrance is private in a parking garage, away from wandering eyes. Everyone piles out of the car and when you slide to exit, you find a tattooed hand waiting to help you out.

Grinning, you take Jungkook’s hand. Your fingers tingle where they’re interlocked with his, warmth spreading across your palms. Once you’re out of the car, you start to let go. Jungkook squeezes his fingers tighter, urging you to look up at him. There’s a question in his eyes, gaze flicking down to where your hands are clasped. 

A small grin lights up your face and you squeeze his hand back. He leads you toward the elevator, swinging your hands back and forth. You know this game well: Jungkook is priming you. The hand-holding, the compliments, and the staying near you all night are all his signals to you that he wants you to go home with him.

You want that too, but you also don’t want it to come easy. It’s a risk to make him work harder for it, but you want to see if he will.. 

“Cute,” Jimin mutters, raising a brow as he walks next to you. 

Hoseok’s apartment is a dream. It makes sense for someone with as many writing and choreography credits across the industry as him, in addition to having two top charting albums, a clothing partnership with a popular designer, and countless brand endorsements. 

It’s much nicer than the small but flashy apartment ILIA has put you in. Where your apartment feels like a model home that you can’t leave fingerprints in, Hoseok’s feels authentic. There are hand-selected pieces of art on his walls, a towering bookcase of awards and plaques, blankets and pillows thrown over the couches, books and video game controllers on the coffee table.

Someone gets control of the speaker system and starts pumping hip-hop through the two-story apartment. You navigate to the kitchen where you run into Hwasa pouring drinks. She screams when she sees you, abandoning her bartender duties and making everyone in the kitchen flinch and turn in your direction. You let go of Jungkook’s hand, casting your arms open.

“Helllooooo?!” She grips you tight, kissing your forehead and both cheeks. You laugh, immediately feeling yourself relax having seen a familiar face. The greeting is a little more than you expect, but she’s drunk and happy. You take it in stride. “I cannot believe you’re here and with… well isn’t that new?” 

“Hello, Hwasa.”

“Jeon,” she greets, narrowing her eyes. She tucks you into her arm, pointing a finger at Jungkook. “You better not fuck with this girl, understand me? She is way too cool for your bullshit.”

He rolls his eyes. “What bullshit?”

“I’m so serious. I like her.”

Hwasa lets you go and laughs it off, giving Jungkook a quick kiss on the cheek before going back to her drink-making. Jimin is nowhere in sight, having drifted off to a corner of the living room to chat with Hoseok, leaving you with Jungkook. 

Jungkook scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “Sorry about that,” he ventures.

“It happens.”

“Still awkward.” 

“It is,” you snark. You bring your fist up to your mouth, speaking into it like you’re giving an interview. “Jungkook, how does it feel to be put on blast for your spicy endeavors right when you walk into the party?”

You hold your fist out to him, offering him the mic. “Spicy endeavors?” 

“Promiscuous has negative implications and we are sex-positive here.” 

“Wow, such forward-thinking media. I’ve never heard of that before.”

“You never will again, I’m afraid.”

Jungkook shakes his head and chuckles, gesturing to the drinks all over the counter. “You want a drink?” 

“I do.”

With a drink in hand, you both return to the party. There’s dancing going on in a corner of the living room, a card game going on in the dining room, and a smoke session going on around the couches. Jungkook sits on the arm of the couch next to Jimin and another girl you don’t know.

You freeze up a little, unsure where to sit. Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice, reaching a hand out as he joins the conversation around the coffee table. You hesitate for a second, a little caught off guard before placing your hand in his and letting him pull you against him, leaning onto his thigh with your hips pressed together. His arm loops around the back of your thighs, hand resting on the outside of your leg. Your hand drops on his shoulder as you lean into him. 

People you know stop and say hi, their eyes lingering for a long time on the way you and Jungkook lean into one another. You ignore them, content to let them wonder how it is a little producer from ILIA got her claws into Jungkook for the night. 

When a weed pen is passed to Jungkook, you watch with curiosity to see what he’ll do. He takes it but looks up at you, raising his brow in question and holding it out like he’s asking for permission. You’re surprised but you nod - you don’t control what he does.  It’s sweet. Surprising, but sweet.

Jungkook takes two short pulls, blowing the smoke in the opposite direction from you. The girl next to him whines, swatting at it and smacking his leg, giggling. You pay it no mind, unworried about the flirting. He’s not yours, and even if he was, it’s your waist he has pressed against him.

Jungkook holds the pen up to you and you make a face. “I don’t know whose mouth has been on that.”

He snorts. “Alright, Mozart. I have my own. Would you prefer that?”

“Yes, I would.” 

Rolling his eyes but smiling, he passes it over to someone else and stands, your hand falling from his shoulder. “Come on, brat. We’ll go to the balcony so we don’t have to share.”

“Thank you, that’s what I deserve.” 

He giggles. “You can’t even say that with a straight face.”

“Imagine if I meant it.”

Jungkook navigates the apartment easily. You follow him, not unaware of the gazes and whispers that pass. You lift your chin. Let them talk. The only opinions that matter to you are those of your bosses, Yoongi, Jimin, and occasionally your mother on a good day. 

Right now, nothing else matters. 

It’s cold outside. You shiver while Jungkook shuts the sliding glass door to the balcony just off the bedroom. Light floods in from the hallway into the room, casting a golden glow behind you. Jungkook leans on the railing, pulling a weed pen from his pocket and waving it in front of you like a prize. 

You snatch it from him, sticking your tongue out. Bringing it to your lips, you suck gently on the tip, filling your mouth with acrid smoke as you inhale. It burns a little, making your eyes water as you let the air and remaining smoke out before passing it back to Jungkook. He echos your movements. 

Leaning against the railing, you look out at the city. It is dazzling from this high up, a home made for a god to watch over their creation. Silence hangs between you, occasionally passing the pen back and forth. The wind feels good, though a little cold. And you appreciate how quiet it is, the sounds of the party muted through the windows. 

Down below, the street looks mostly empty. It’s so far down that you’re not really sure. Your high starts to hit, dulling the edges of everything and making you feel a little soft and floating. You grip the railing a little tighter, looking at Jungkook from the corner of your eye. 

Fuck if he isn’t beautiful. 

“What?” he asks, a smile in his voice as he side-eyes you. “You’ve got a look on your face.”

“Nothing.”

“Mm. Not nothing. What?”

“You’re not what I expected. It’s a really nice change of pace.”

“Ah,” he answers, ducking his head. You grin, realizing that he’s blushing and trying to hide it. You poke his arm, laughing as you prod at him. “Stop, you’re making me shy.”

“You? Shy?” 

“Oh yeah. I am a mess around people. I might seem good at it, but it takes champagne and sometimes a Xanax to get me to operate at a level that’s normal with everyone else.”

“And then do you stay up all night re-thinking every single interaction you had and punishing yourself like why the fuck did I say this very weird thing?”

“Yes!” he exclaims, frowning and tilting his head up toward the sky. “It is exhausting. Sometimes I’m so worried I’m going to embarrass myself that I skip an event altogether and take the fucking verbal beating from the company.” 

“Ugh, Mila would fit right in.”

“She’s kind of a snake, huh?”

You hum. “Jimin called her exactly that earlier tonight.” 

“My agent hates her. Says she’s a total control freak and vicious.” You snort. That is an understatement. “Makes her successful, though. She has some of the world's biggest names under her.” 

“Yeah, but I didn’t choose her. She was assigned to me. Honestly, I don’t think she thought I had any potential to bring her success and be a household name until I won that award for producing Hwasa’s song.” 

“It was a good song.”

You smile distantly, looking out at the hazy lights of the city. Everything feels a little slow and dreamy, your thoughts fluid. “I liked it. I want to do better - be better. A lot of it’s about connections though and I… am not great at that part.”

“I think you’re doing pretty okay.”

Jungkook shifts closer. He’s turned to you, so near that you’re almost touching. He looks down at you through long lashes, watching for your reaction. You look up at him, a little starry eyed and dizzy at his proximity. This close, you can see the freckle just under his mouth. You want to kiss him, but you hold back, feeling your insecurity worm its way in.

“Yeah?” you ask, a little breathy. “Are you saying there’s a connection here?”

“Uh-huh.” He tucks his bottom lip between his teeth. He reaches a hand forward and brushes the underside of your chin, tilting your face up toward him even more. “Come home with me.”

The breath leaves your lungs. You’re not surprised that he’s asked, and yet your body still reacts, adrenaline taking over. His gaze is hungry as he watches you, waiting for your response, finger still propped under your chin like he might kiss you.

“Take me on a date,” you assert. Perhaps it's the drinks and the weed that makes you so bold, but you want more than anyone else has had from him. You want to be different. “Dinner.”

He tries to fight a smile, tonguing the inside of his cheek. The action is wildly attractive for some reason, nearly making you waver and let him take you home now. “Do you like Italian?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” he says. “Tomorrow.”

“The day after. I’m busy tomorrow with work.”

He narrows his eyes. “Damn. Gonna make me wait in agony, huh?”

You grin. “I’m worth waiting for.”

“You very much are. Day after tomorrow at eight. Wear something nice.” 

“Fine. Wear those necklaces you wore for your Vogue shoot.”

He cocks his head to the side. “Oh?” Jungkook purrs. “You like the necklaces?”

“I like to imagine what they look like dangling above my face.”

He shakes his head. “You’re gonna be the fucking death of me.”

“Good. The day after tomorrow.” You take a step back, a wicked grin on your face. He drops his hand, staring you down. “Don’t be late.” 

-

Jungkook isn’t late and you wish that he was. Cursing over and over again, you pull the knee-high boot up your leg, thankful for the supple, flexible leather that fits your calf. You nearly fall over tugging on the next, finally getting your boots on and standing up straight in front of your mirror out of breath and flustered. 

The outfits had not gone according to plan. Something about going on a date with Jungkook has you feeling all out of sorts, going through enough outfits that your bed is now covered in them. You refused to tell Mila that you were going on the date, knowing that if she caught wind of it, she’d send paparazzi. As it is, Jungkook has assured you he’s gone through the hoops for a private dinner at an upscale Italian restaurant near the river. 

Turning in the mirror, you decide that the short, black dress over sheer black pantyhose paired with platform boots and a long, black peacoat will have to do. Grabbing your phone, you text Jungkook back quickly that you’re coming downstairs, apologizing for the delay.

Jungkook: Like you said, you’re worth waiting for. 

Me: Oh, I can take longer… 

Jungkook: Don’t make me come up there. 

Jungkook: Actually, on second thought, make me come up there.

As you pass your kitchen, you double back and run to the alcohol cabinet, pulling a bottle of tequila down quickly to shoot back a quick swig. It burns your throat, making you cough and squeeze your eyes shut as you hack for a moment, corking the bottle and gasping for air. 

At least it will take the edge off. 

Wiping the traces from your chin, you rush out of your apartment, letting the tequila burn its way through you to set the first layer of calm. In the elevator, you take in a slow, deep breath for five seconds. Exhale for five seconds. Inhale for five seconds.

The elevator dings, making you flinch. Clutching your purse to steady your trembling hands, you step out onto the ground floor of the parking garage where you find Jungkook parked illegally and leaning on the side of the vehicle. 

Slowing your steps, you appreciate the boy and then the car. Jungkook is dressed in black slacks with a belt at the waist and a black, tight-fitted turtleneck. The material of the shirt forms to his body, showing his defined arms and toned chest. 

Jungkook’s hair is slicked back, a single dangling earring on his left lobe paired with the rest of his signature hoops. You have no idea how a single piece of jewelry changes everything about his energy, but your heart rate skyrockets as you approach him, a little shy. 

He lets out a low, slow whistle. “Fuck. You are a knockout.” 

“You look pretty good yourself.”

“Nah, Mozart. You look…” He shakes his head and scratches the back of his neck, laughing a little. “You’re gonna fucking wreck me.”

A nervous laugh escapes you and you chew the inside of your cheek as you stop in front of him, hands crossed in front of you. He pushes off the car, which is a sleek Porsche, and sticks his hand out to you. Tentatively, you place your hand in his. 

Leaning forward, Jungkook places a kiss on your cheek. Your lashes flutter, skin warm. He pulls away with a small smile. “You look beautiful. I mean it.” 

“You’re making me nervous.”

“No kidding, I feel like my heart is about to come out of my chest.”

He’s going to be the death of you. It’s endearing, how honest he is, letting what he’s thinking pour out of his mouth. You’re unsure if it’s part of his game or if it’s genuine, and it puts you a little on edge, trying to guess what’s going through his mind. 

Lacing his fingers with yours, Jungkook escorts you around the car and opens the passenger. The interior of the car smells clean and is lined with white LED lights and red leather seats. You raise your brows as you slide inside, your coat protecting you from the cold leather. 

Jungkook closes your door and rounds the back, slipping into the driver’s side. He turns to you, tilting his head to the side. You fiddle with the buttons on your coat. “What?”

“Kiss me,” he says, sounding breathless. “Kiss me so we don’t have to be nervous anymore.”

“You just want me to kiss you.” 

Jungkook puts his elbow on the center console and leans forward. He looks down his nose at you, eyes focused on your mouth. You squeeze your thighs together, trying to fight a shiver of adrenaline threatening to take over. “So what?”

“Ask me nicely,” you murmur, leaning toward him. You look him in the eye, trying to still your hummingbird heart. This close, you see the flecks of gold in his irises, swirls of brown and caramel. They’re beautiful, framed by silky lashes. “I’ll take it into consideration.”

“Please kiss me.” 

“Hmm?”

“I am begging you to kiss me.”

“Almost…”

“I need you to kiss me.”

So you do. 

Jungkook’s mouth is soft. He laughs in surprise but leans into the kiss, slotting his mouth against yours firmly. It’s innocent and sweet, just a gentle brush of lips. You pull away, noses bumping against one another as he rests his forehead on yours. 

It’s quiet and cold in the interior of the car, only the sound of your shallow breathing and the hum of the engine audible. Something electric courses through your veins, ignited by the feeling of his mouth against yours and you immediately want more. You’ve never felt this sudden, carnal desire before. This need to fall into him. 

For a second, you fight it. Then, you give in. 

Leaning forward, you catch Jungkook’s lips in a real kiss. It’s slow at first. You catch him off guard but he’s quick to keep up, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth greedily. Dizziness makes your world spin. You press up against the center console, sliding your tongue gently against his. Jungkook reaches a hand up to your face, cradling you as he deepens the kiss. 

His mouth tastes like spearmint gum. Your skin is overheating, and you suddenly feel  stuffy and constricted in your jacket. Jungkook breaks the kiss, panting against your lips as he presses chaste kisses to the side of your mouth and lips. 

“Did you drink tequila?” he asks, voice husky. He starts kissing your jaw and your head lolls to the side, eyelids fluttering. “Tastes like it.”

“I was nervous,” you pant, almost moaning as his tongue flicks out to lick at your skin. “So I took a shot.”

“I make you that nervous?” His teeth pull at your earlobe. You sink further into the seat, starting to turn boneless. You feel like you’re melting at the joints, abruptly unable to string together a sentence under the attention of his greedy, warm mouth. “Cat got your tongue?”

“You’re supposed to take me to dinner.”

“Oh, I am. And then we'll order ice cream, and then we’re going home.” 

“Oh?” 

“My home. I have necklaces to show you.”

“Fuck.” 

Reluctantly, Jungkook pulls away. His lips are wet and a little dark from kissing you, his eyes wild. You watch him from where you’re sunken in the seat, a little wrecked from just kissing. You realize that Jungkook has the potential to ruin you. To crack you open and devour you.

And you let him. 

Reaching across the car, you cradle his face, thumb pulling at his bottom lip, damp with your lip gloss and spit. “Pretty,” you murmur. His tongue darts out, laving across your thumb. You grin. “Dangerous.” 

“Not with you.” 

“I’ve heard that before.”

“Well, I mean it.”

“We barely know each other.”

He shrugs. “I don’t care. I have a sense for these things.”

“Mmm.” You drop your hand from his face. “Dinner, then. And ice cream. And then home.” 

-

Jungkook’s first lie is that he’s not dangerous with you. He nearly kills you several times on the way to dinner, leaning over at almost every stoplight to bring your mouth to his again. His mouth is addictive, each kiss intense and intended to make you fall further and further into this waking dream you’re in. 

By the time the valet opens your door to a private entrance at the restaurant and helps you out, you think you might be entirely drunk on Jungkook’s kisses alone. He laces his fingers with yours, pulling you close as you walk up toward the back of the restaurant.

Inside is a dark hall, barely lit by fixtures in the ceiling casting gold light. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust as Jungkook gives the host his name. To your right is a curtain with the soft hush of diners and piano music. To your left is another curtain with no sound coming through. 

“Thank you for choosing us, Mr. Jeon. Right this way.”

The host bows his head slightly, guiding you to the left curtain. He pulls it open and gestures for you to enter. You step through after Jungkook, raising your brows when you realize it’s a private dining room. It looks reserved for events and parties perhaps, but the room is furnished with a single table and rich, mahogany chairs. 

Velvet drapery covers the walls and a large, crystal chandelier hangs over the table. The heels of your boots click on the hardwood floors as Jungkook leads you to your seat, letting go of your hand to pull out the chair. You flash him a smile, sitting as he helps you scoot in. 

He sits across from you, adjusting his shirt sleeves. Your eyes momentarily get sidetracked when you realize he has on the layered necklaces you ask for, and you grin before averting your attention to the host who instructs that the chef and the sommelier will be with you momentarily to talk about your dining options for the evening.

When he leaves, it’s just you and Jungkook with the soft sound of piano trailing from somewhere distant. You level your gaze on him, watching him watch you. The setting feels intimate, leaving you a little overwhelmed but in a good way. You’ve gone on dates, but not like this. 

“What?” he questions gently. “You have a look on your face.”

“I’m just impressed, is all.”

“It only gets better from here. I have so many ideas for dates.” 

“Oh? Plural?”

“Mhmm.” He leans back in his seat, tonguing his cheek. “If all goes well, anyway.” 

“So far so good.” 

The sommelier and the chef arrive together, hands tucked behind their backs. It’s hard to pay them much mind. Jungkook is distracting, even as he gives them his full attention, nodding along and answering their questions. He looks to you for input, but you feel a little useless, barely listening to what they’re saying. 

“Trust me enough to order?” he asks, leaning over the table conspiratorially. 

“Well, you’re with me, so you must have good taste. I trust you.” 

His foot nudges your ankle under the table playfully. He orders a round of appetizers and wine. When the sommelier asks you to sample it, you follow Jungkook's lead, inhaling the dark red lightly. It smells strongly of cherries and something sweet, making your mouth water. The taste is lush and wonderful, pleasing to the palate. 

The sommelier bows and leaves the two of you alone, vanishing behind the curtain. Jungkook lifts his wine glass to you, smiling. “Here’s to our first date and many more.” 

“Cheers.” 

After a sip, you set your glass down and look at Jungkook from across the table. “Was it absolutely painful, waiting for today?”

“I hardly survived, to be honest. All day yesterday I lay in bed dreaming of today.”

“Hmm. Is that all you dream about?”

His gaze darkens. “Careful, Mozart. I dream very vividly.”

Jungkook does impress you. With his knowledge about a wide variety of topics, with the charming expressions he uses as he speaks, with… him overall. He’s multifaceted in a way you rarely get to see with others, and you feel giddy as you listen to him.

Though you have a similar experience getting into music, it’s nice to hear Jungkook’s story. You keep it light, avoiding the darker parts of going through trainee programs and how competitive and hard it was to be a kid, growing up while working. 

He asks you about music. Not just the music you work on, but the music you grew up listening to, your favorite genres, and the technical aspects of making music. Jungkook is intelligent and familiar with the mechanics of making records. He asks questions and nods along, interested and curious in learning. 

You can’t remember the last time you had a conversation go this well, even outside of dates. When you urged Jungkook to take you on a date, you weren’t sure you’d end up liking him. Now though, as he lets you take the last stuffed mushroom because you can have whatever you want, you realize that you like him. 

It is such a dangerous game to play, especially with the rumors you hear about him. 

Instead of thinking about it, you enjoy dinner. You both finish the bottle of wine and he orders another. You’re feeling loose and warm, laughing more often and giving him lazy smiles. Even without the wine, you want to drag him to the bathroom and get on your knees. Now with a few glasses in, you’re thinking about it more and more. 

Dinner sobers you up a little, but it doesn’t remove the heat between your legs and the growing desire to kiss him again. You think about the way his mouth moved against yours, tongue gentle and talented. Your mind wanders into places less innocent, especially after dinner comes to an end and ice cream is brought out, as promised.

Jungkook carves the spoon through the dessert, leaning forward with it held out. You smirk, leaning to meet him halfway to let him slide the ice cream into your mouth. Cold vanilla melts on your tongue. It’s good and creamy, but you hardly pay attention to the taste, eyes fastened to Jungkook’s. 

“Good?” His voice is deep, soft. “I want to taste.”

You pick up your spoon, picking up a small scoop. You hold it out to him and he repeats your motion, bending to meet you. His eyes don’t leave yours as he eats it, tongue running over the bottom of his lip after to catch any extra. 

“Fuck.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, getting up abruptly. He holds his hand out to you and you place yours in his. He hoists you up and surprises you by pulling you into his chest. “We’re going.” 

You lean up on your toes, stealing his lips with yours. They taste like the wine you’ve been drinking. Your mouth tingles as you kiss him and your thoughts are cottony and slow, only focused on the way he hums, leaning forward to swipe his tongue eagerly into your mouth.

The kiss turns a little messy. You’re woozy, letting him bend you backward as he steals the breath from your lungs. Jungkook is intoxicating, your hand dropping his to wrap around his neck. You thread your fingers through the waves at the nape of his neck. They’re silky soft, sliding between your fingers. You tug a little, pulling a groan low in his throat.

“Careful or I will fuck you here,” he pants, spit-slicked mouth moving against yours. You run your tongue along his bottom lip, tasting more wine. “Devil.” 

“What’s stopping you?” 

Jungkook pulls away from you, holding you at arm's length. You stare up at him, eyes heavy. You feel arousal pool in your stomach with the way he looks at you, his mouth wine-stained. 

“That’s how you want it?” His tone is threatening. Laced with something carnal. Your stomach flutters as you nod. You’re not thinking about anything but him, not worried about anything. “Fuck.”

Without hesitation, he grabs you by the hand and pulls you across the floor. You follow him eagerly, heart hammering as Jungkook all but kicks the private bathroom door open. He yanks you inside and spins you, pushing you toward an elegant sink.

The bathroom is dark. The walls are painted black and the gold-fixtured lighting is dim. It would be romantic if Jungkook wasn’t flicking the lock behind him and advancing on you. Just as he reaches for you, you surprise him, dropping to your knees and looking up through your lashes. 

He raises his brows, looking down at you, heat behind his eyes. You lift your hand to the zipper of his pants, slowly pulling it down, pausing for permission.

“Go ahead, baby,” he murmurs, nodding. “Take what you want.”

Licking your lips, you do exactly that. Your fingers are nimble as you undo the button at the top of his pants. You pull them down a little, just enough to get them out of your way. You eye the hardening outline of his cock against his briefs, breath catching. 

You look up at him. “You have a huge cock, don’t you?”

He sticks out his tongue between his teeth. “Why don’t you find out, hmm?”

Leaning high up on your knees, you lick the outline of his cock, watching as he shivers. You run your tongue to the tip of his cock, stopping to mouth at it. He curses, hips twitching as you soak the fabric with your mouth, placing your hands on his thighs.

Muscles twitch under your palms. You dig your nails in and scratch upward, the fabric hissing underneath your fingers. Reaching the waistband of his briefs, you pull down agonizingly slow. Jungkook’s fingers twitch at his sides, but he lets you do what you want, breathing heavily through parted lips. 

Jungkook’s cock springs out. You feel your mouth water at his thick length, already hard from the barest stimulation. Pearly beads of precum decorate the dark tip. You hum, contented as you stick your tongue out and give a quick kitten lick to the base of his shaft. 

He hisses, hips twitching forward. Teasing him, you trace your tongue along a vein on the underside of his cock until you reach the tip, circling the swollen head with your tongue generously. Jungkook closes his eyes, his head falling backward.

You grip him firmly, gathering saliva in your mouth before spitting on his cock. He moans out loud and you grin, pumping him slowly while ducking under your hand to lave your tongue across his balls. He curses and a hand shoots to your head, not pushing you, but fingers pressed tight against your skull.

“Fuck, you like being a little slut?” he growls. 

“Mhmm,” you answer back, pulling his cockhead into your mouth. His salty precum melts on your tongue. 

Jungkook fills your mouth. You feel the stretch on the sides of your lips as you take him in properly. You let spit pool on your tongue as you slide down his cock, slurping gently as you do. It’s messy and wet and a little clumsy, the wine making you uncoordinated. 

It doesn’t matter. His fingers press into your hair as you set a rhythm, bobbing your head and sucking gently while your hand pumps what you can’t fit in your mouth. Jungkook pants above you, his soft moans echoing off the tile. 

The sounds he makes spur you further. Drool runs down your chin as he succumbs. You watch him through misty eyes, the crown of his cock kissing the back of your throat as you try to take him further than you can manage. You feel your throat constrict, coughing a bit as you pull off of him, twisting your wrist as you work him and gasp for air.

Spit and precum connect your lips to his cock in a thick string. It breaks when you cough, eyes stinging. 

“Yeah?” he asks, gritting his teeth. “Like choking on that fucking cock?”

You run the flat of your tongue over his frenulum, making him wine. “Like hearing you moan,” you admit. The slick sound of your hand stroking him makes you squeeze your legs together. “It makes me so fucking wet.” 

“Show me.”

Jungkook’s hands go to yours. He pulls you up by the wrists. Your knees feel wobbly but he holds you steady, pressing you against the counter. He steals a searing kiss from you that is more tongue than lips, hands skimming up your arms and down your sides until he’s at the hem of your dress where he pauses. 

“This okay?” Your eyelids flutter open. His nose is pressed against yours, eyes steady. “We can stop whenever or if you’re too drunk.”

“I’m not.” It’s true, you’re a little drunk off the wine, but your head is clear. You know exactly what you want and your thoughts are concise. There are no hesitations and you don’t care that you’re in a bathroom, face wet with mixed fluids. “Want it.”

“Mmm.” 

Jungkook slips a hand under your dress, fingers brushing over your soft thighs. It feels good, his dragging touch enticing. Your head tilts back, allowing him to press hot, wet kisses on your throat. His fingers pick at the garter belt secured to your pantyhose, making him groan.

“I wanna see these later.”

“You will.”

He licks your neck. “Good.”

You close your eyes, enjoying the feeling of his mouth sucking gently at your throat while his hand slides to your underwear. He presses the pads of his fingers over the silk, just enough to make your thighs close around his hand, gasping. 

“You are wet.” There’s a smile in his voice. He moves his fingers in a gentle circle, applying pressure to the damp spot on your underwear. “Sucking me off did that?” 

“And the ice cream.”

“Oh? Watching me eat ice cream, huh?”

“Sorry about it.”

“Don’t be.” He hooks a finger and pulls your panties to the side, touching your sticky folds properly. A moan slips out of your mouth. You can feel your heart slamming in your chest so hard you think you might have a cardiac episode. “You can watch me eat your pussy later.” 

Between the implication that there is a later and thereby more after this, and the way Jungkook’s fingers slip up and down your heat, you’re a goner. It feels so good, some of the pressure between your legs relieved as he teases your clit.

Spreading your legs wider, you lean hard into the bathroom counter. It hurts where it presses against your spine but you ignore it, content to let him push you until your head hits the mirror. 

Jungkook’s fingers tease your hole, leaving your cunt clenching. You whine, bringing your hands to his face to pull him off your neck and to your mouth, biting his lip playfully. 

“Fuck me,” you ask between kisses, mouths smacking loudly. “Wanna feel you stretch me out.”

“Can’t even wait until we’re home?”

“You can fuck me there too.”

He laughs darkly. “Demon.”

Jungkook removes his hand from between your legs and bends at the knee, grabbing you behind the thighs. You jump lightly and he lifts you, putting you on the counter. Your dress hikes up, baring your glistening cunt to him, underwear still pulled to the side. 

Balmy air kisses your skin. It’s hot in the bathroom as he cages you in, tattooed hand pumping his cock. You’re bent out of shape, spreading your legs and feeling the strain of the straps on your garner belt as you stretch them. 

Reaching between your legs, you pull your underwear farther to the side, ensuring they won’t be in the way. He shakes his head, eying your heat hungrily as he runs the tip of his dick up and down your messy folds. It feels good but it’s not enough, making you squirm and whine audibly. 

He tuts at you, sliding his hand up to press the head of his cock into your dripping hole. Your eyes roll back, feeling the pressure of him splitting you open as he sinks in. The stretch of him aches in pleasure-pain, your pussy opening up for every inch that he feeds you.

“Shit you’re tight,” he gasps, falling forward to rest his head on your shoulder. His back muscles strain against his shirt as he pushes in the rest of the way, bottoming out until you’re stuffed full, walls fluttering around him. “God, I could come just like this.”

“Pussy whipped?” 

“Fuck, I’m gonna be.”

One of your hands goes around his neck, nails pressing into his skin. He sucks in air sharply. Your other hand drifts to his ass, grabbing him and squeezing. “Please make me come. I need it.” 

Instead of answering verbally, he starts to fuck into you. It’s not a slow build or something passionate. It’s needy and heady and desperate. He sets a brutal pace and you can’t help but let out a loud moan, the shape of his name escaping you.

The feeling is addicting. You cling to him, jostling against the sink as he fucks you. The wet sound of your cunt around him is loud and lewd, backtracked by your breathy moans getting louder and higher-pitched. You feel yourself shaking, fingers digging into him as he grabs your hips, holding you down to the counter.

Jungkook’s breath fans your neck, his face buried there. He curses, occasionally biting your tender skin, making you squeal. You can feel the ghost of a smile against you, his tongue soothing your stinging flesh. 

Grabbing one of your thighs, he hikes your leg higher. You slide into the sink, nearly bent in half as he changes the angle. He hits your spot on the upstroke, almost sending you into an orgasm immediately. The tension in your stomach is so tight you think you’re going to unravel. 

Instead, it climbs higher and higher. You can barely breathe as he straightens to fuck you even harder. The faucet digs into your back. You don’t care, grabbing the counter as you cling to it for life, babbling. Nothing that comes out of your mouth makes any sense and just when you think you can’t take it anymore, you come. Hard. 

Everything in your body locks up. You spasm around him, squeezing his cock for everything it's worth. Your orgasm is swift and powerful, taking the breath from you for a long moment before you finally manage to gasp for air, sagging against the sink. 

With a few messy pumps, Jungkook comes with a loud curse, head tossed back, hips slamming yours. You can feel your release between the two of you, sticky and running down your thighs. His thrusts slow until he’s left softening inside of you.

Come leaks when he slowly pulls out. The drip is obscene but you’re too fucked out to care, looking up at him in a daze. It smells like sex in the bathroom and a light layer of sweat covers your skin. 

Carefully, Jungkook tucks himself back in his pants before ripping paper towels out of the dispenser to gently wipe at your thighs. You laugh and let him take care of you, grateful that he does. He swipes one greedy finger up your pussy and pops it into his mouth, making your jaw drop.

“Fuck, I can’t wait to eat you out later.”

You chew your lip as he finishes wiping the mess from your lower half. “So there is a later, still?”

He looks dubious. “I told you that you were coming home with me.”

“I know I just thought maybe…”

“That I was gonna fuck you in a bathroom and that would be what I wanted?” You nod. “I told you, I want more dates. Something about you, Mozart. Also, you letting me fold you in half in a bathroom makes me want to drop down on one knee.”

It pleases you to hear that more than you care to admit. 

With Jungkook’s help, you ease off the counter. At a glance in the mirror, you burst into hysterical laughter. Your mascara is smudged, your mouth is wet, and you look wrecked. He laughs too, caging you in and reaching around you to turn on the faucet, running the tips of his fingers underneath and bringing them up to gently wipe under your eyes.

You smile at him as he attempts to make the running makeup less noticeable. When he finishes, he turns off the faucet but remains pressed to your back, arms looped casually around you. He has a small smile, staring at you in the mirror.

“What?” you ask, laughing.

“This is going to sound stupid,” he prefaces. “But I just feel something here. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Post-nut clarity?”

He presses his pelvis into you. “No. It’s just like this really silly… I don’t know. Crush. But it just feels right.”

Surprisingly, you understand what he means. This spark you feel with him is new to you. There’s never been anyone else you feel so natural with, so immediately attracted to. Certainly not enough to throw inhibition to the wind and suck them off in a bathroom. 

Something about Jungkook lights you up, a candle catching fire and burning through the wick hot and fast. People might call it reckless and immature, but you don’t know how else to explain this innate desire to jump in head-first with him. 

“I feel it too.” 

He kisses the back of your head. “Come on. I’m not done with you yet.” 

-

You feel lost in the lights on the way home. Jungkook’s hand settles on your thigh, thumb brushing back and forth. He’s a little subdued, focusing on the road. You don’t distract him, content to adjust the air conditioning so that it cools you off, your skin on fire from the wine and Jungkook. 

The night certainly went in a direction you weren’t planning, but you don’t mind. Jungkook excites you. Perhaps it is a little rash and naive, but you don’t care, enamored by the layers of him. You want to peel back more, to dig to the core until he’s yours. 

Whatever the madness is, it appears to be equal. When Jungkook pulls into the luxury apartment building known for high-profile celebrities and government officials, he’s on you again, pulling you across the car to meld your mouths together. 

Dull pain blooms in your mouth, lips bruised from kissing him. You don’t care, eager to slot your tongue against his, brushing against the wet-rough feel of it. 

“Come on,” he whispers, tugging your bottom lip with his teeth. “Let’s go upstairs.”

It should not surprise you when Jungkook swipes a key fob and selects the penthouse apartment, but it does. It shocks you even more when the elevator opens into a four-level home. Your mouth drops open a little as you enter, Jungkook’s fingers laced with yours. 

Floor-to-ceiling windows stretch the entire four-story home. From where you stand in the entryway, you can see multiple open-concept rooms, each ornately decorated with a modern style and neutral tones. Nothing about what you can see screams Jungkook, suggesting that his label has put him here - has the money to put him here.

The thought itself is staggering, momentarily reminding you who you just let fuck you senseless in the bathroom at an upscale restaurant. Letting Jungkook’s hand go, you wander into the main room of the apartment, stepping down into the sunken living room with large, curved couches surrounding a coffee table.

Above you, a massive glass artwork of floating lights hovers. They’re turned off, but it looks like a sculpture project most likely commissioned by a wildly expensive artist. Jungkook joins you in front of the towering windows overlooking a wide terrace. The sheer curtains do nothing to hide the twinkling lights of the city. 

It gives the illusion that you’re among the stars. Jungkook leans over and presses a button on the remote. The curtains quietly begin to roll open, revealing the view in full. It is breathtaking, much more magnificent than the view from Hoseok’s apartment. 

“They really pulled out all the stops for you,” you murmur, turning to look at him. He toes the carpet, twisting his mouth as he blushes. “This is insane.”

“It’s too much.”

“A little bit. But it’s cool.”

He smiles and reaches a hand out. “Let me show you the rest tomorrow after breakfast.”

You take his hand and let him pull you along toward the winding staircase. “I want waffles.” 

“And in the morning, I’m making waffles!”

You both dissolve into laughter at the Shrek reference. Jungkook pulls you up the steps until you’re on the top floor, which is made up of a spacious bedroom with windows that overlook the city, an ornate bathroom you can only see the door to, what you assume is a walk-in closet, and an additional terrace with an infinity pool, firepit area, and bar. 

The bedroom is more of Jungkook’s style. It’s not nearly as pristine, the sheets and blankets rumpled, all dark grey tones. There are shoes by the closet door and a shelf in the far corner with action figures and collectibles that you don’t recognize. 

In the middle of the room stretches an impossibly large bed with modern sconces on either side. Medication, a glass of water, and a watch are on the nightstand next to the bed. And no signs of other suitors, you notice, but you push the thought out of your mind as Jungkook pulls you backward toward his bed, smiling.

This time you’re slower. He sits on the bed, pulling you by the waist to straddle him. Your knees sink feather-soft into the mattress on either side of him, settling yourself on his thighs as you draw him in for a kiss. You hold him gently by the jaw, fingers spread and pressing warm into his skin. 

Jungkook’s hands skate around your hips to your ass, squeezing gently as your tongues dance together. Your buzz from the wine is gone now, replaced with desire burning through you, hot as a torch. It doesn’t feel needy and crazed now, but a little softer. More intimate. 

Carefully, Jungkook leans backward, taking you with him. You squeal into his mouth as you land on top of him, arms giving out. You crash into his chest, though not too hard. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles. He places his hands on your waist and precariously rolls over, managing not to knock heads and limbs as he places you under him. His knee slots between your legs, hands leaving your waist to bracket your head. “God damn, you are beautiful.”

It’s strange. You feel beautiful - or at least, you feel desired under him. Perhaps it is not the same thing, but the way Jungkook looks at you with swollen lips and starry eyes, you feel powerful. Godly, even. 

He dips back down, pressing a kiss to your mouth and one to your jaw. He leaves a wake of heat, stealing your breath away. Leaning back, you give him access to map the tender flesh of your throat and collarbones, threading your fingers through his hair. 

Eyes closed, you let the world spin. His mouth is the finest delicacy, pressing kisses that are butterfly-soft all over your heated skin as he pulls the straps of your dress. You help him by slipping your arms out. He gathers the fabric and pulls down, sitting up as he does so.

Silk rolls against your skin. It’s cool in his bedroom, making you shiver as he reveals your lacy bra and matching garter. He tosses the dress, sitting high up on his knees as you lay splayed out for him. 

“You know,” he ventures. “Normally I don’t like lingerie.” His fingers trace the swells of your breasts. Your chest rises and falls rapidly, goosebumps breaking out on your skin from the tantalizing touch. “But I could get used to it on you.”

“I only wear it on special occasions.” 

Jungkook lowers himself, planting a wet kiss on the top of your right breast. “What’s the occasion?” 

“I needed something to hold up my pantyhose.”

His laugh cools the fresh trail of spit he leaves on your skin, earning a violent shiver from you. He notices, eyes flicking up to look at you. They’re endless pools of dark, watching your every move as he slow-drags a finger up your stomach to the top of your bra. He hooks his finger over the top of the cup and pulls gently, the fabric scraping your over-sensitive nipple. 

Everything he does feels overwhelmingly erotic. You watch, hypnotized and out of breath as he sticks out his tongue, circling your nipple lazily but not giving it attention directly. You let out a wavering moan, voice gone. 

Oh so slowly, Jungkook flicks his tongue over the hardened peak of your nipple. You bow up into him, wanting more. He tsks at you and you go flat on the bed, fisting the sheets tightly to ground yourself as he grins, delighted. 

“You listen well, huh?” You nod, head heavy. You can’t think of any words, thoughts bleeding together like liquid spilled across a watercolor canvas. “Is that how you like it? Being told what to do like a good girl?”

“Yes.” You suck in a sharp breath as Jungkook scrapes his teeth generously over your nipple. 

“You weren’t a very good girl when you got on your knees and swallowed my cock whole in the bathroom.” He flicks his tongue back and forth, sending your eyes to the back of your head as you squirm underneath him. “You were quite the dirty girl, huh?”

“Both.”

Instead of answering you, Jungkook envelops your bud fully, sucking gently. Pleasure rolls through you, your pussy beginning to slow ache with arousal. Your head falls to the side, and you’re only able to pant and dig your nails into his sides where you grab him, either to hold him to you or push him away; you’re not sure.

Jungkook’s mouth is wicked, lavishing your tits. He sucks greedily, noisy as he slides his tongue from one breast to the other. When you look at him, you see sin. Your chest shines in the glowing light of the city with the evidence of his oral fixation, turning you on even more. 

Your underwear sticks to you uncomfortably and your toes curl. It feels so good but you need so much more, dripping in a way that is maddening as he starts to trail his mouth downward. He is so so slow, tasting your skin, hands skimming your sides, scraping blunt nails across your sensitive flesh. 

He’s hardly done anything and yet you’re shaking underneath him, more sensitive and turned on than you’ve ever been. You cannot recall ever being this close to falling apart from just having someone touch you and play with your tits.

But it’s the way Jungkook looks at you. The movements of his hands on your skin. The way every single brush of his tongue and every drag of his teeth scraping over you seems perfectly timed. Attuned. 

It feels like Jungkook already knows every part of your body, and something about that both terrifies and excites you, kicking your adrenaline into high gear, heart rattling, pulse beating in your neck. 

With hooded eyes, you watch Jungkook unclasp the garter belt. He is gentle and methodical, pulling every layer of clothing off with a touch so reverent that it can only be holy. He is solely focused on his task, tasting your skin when his mouth draws near enough to feel you. 

When he has you naked and shaking, he sinks to the floor in front of the bed, hands pressing your thighs open. You feel how much of a mess you are, slick and cold as the air hits you. You whimper, pussy aching to the point of madness. 

Jungkook chuckles. “Yeah? Does it ache, baby?”

“Uh-huh.”

He blows cool air right onto your pussy. The sensation is a pleasure-sting, making you twist in his hands, trying to angle away from him to escape the cold. He laughs again, pinning your hips firmly to the bed while he presses hot-mouthed kisses to your inner thighs. 

“Eyes on me,” he murmurs into your skin. “I told you that you were going to watch me eat this pussy.” 

With effort, you lean up on your elbows, watching with your mouth parted as Jungkook tilts forward agonizingly slow to run the flat of his tongue up your cunt. Your fingers squeeze the sheets, thighs flexing under his firm hands. It feels so good but it looks even better. 

He smirks, dipping down again to slow-lick you from top to bottom. You’re hypnotized, feeling your stomach lurch violently at how good it feels and how good he looks sliding his tongue through your wetness. 

“Taste just as sweet as that ice cream,” he murmurs, sliding his hands closer to the apex of your thighs to hold you open. He catches your clit with his lips, sucking softly. Your head falls back as sparks explode under your skin. “Mmm. Like this so much better though.” 

“Feels so good,” you rasp, lifting your head to fixate your eyes on him again. “Fuck, Jungkook.” 

His tongue dips into your hole, tasting you further, drinking you in. “How do you like it?” he asks, tongue slowly zigzagging upward to circle your bundle of nerves. You’re trembling under him, fingers going numb with how tight you hold the sheets. “Slow? Fast? Messy?”

“Messy.”

He hums and brings his entire mouth to you, sucking greedily, tongue laving back and forth. You fall backward, unable to support yourself as he complies with your request. You bring a hand up to cover your face, trying to catch your breath. 

“Shit,” you gasp. 

Jungkook presses his face into your cunt, licking and slurping at you. The sounds are pornographic and you don’t care, your other hand going down between your legs to card through his hair, pulling gently. He grunts in appreciation, fucking his tongue into you, wiggling expertly. 

You feel thoroughly fucked. Your limbs are heavy, the world spinning as he devours you. He lets your hips cant against his face, encouraging you with soft little hums, mouth smacking against you. 

“This fucking pussy,” Jungkook swears, sucking harshly at your folds. “Fuck.”

“Wanna taste,” you beg, thoughts sticky. “Lemme.”

“Fuck.”

Jungkook’s tongue slides through your folds before he stands up, leaning over you. You turn to look at him - his eyes are blown, the bottom half of his face shining with your juice. You whine and open your mouth, sticking your tongue out eagerly. He follows your lead, grabbing your jaw and squeezing as he gathers your slick and his spit in his mouth before letting it drip into yours. 

You can barely taste yourself but you fold your tongue in anyway, closing your mouth to swallow. He seems dazed, pupils dilated and wild as he crashes his mouth to yours. Your teeth click together and you lick into his mouth, tasting yourself properly for a moment before he breaks away and drops back down, attaching his mouth to your pussy.

This time, Jungkook is vicious. He pulls you to the edge of insanity, your thighs closed around his head, his grip on your legs iron. He whips his head back and forth, tongue pressed hot and heavy against you. You climb climb climb climb -

You break. 

Everything in you seizes. You writhe in his hands, coming hard against his mouth. He doesn’t stop, mouthing you through your orgasm until you’re screaming and pushing at his forehead, the stimulation morphing from white-hot bliss to pleasure-laced pain. 

Jungkook lets you push him away only for him to climb up your body, ripping his shirt up as he goes. Your arms feel heavy and sluggish as you pull at his belt. Your fingers fumble, unable to work the button and the zipper, making him laugh.

“I got it,” he whispers, leaning forward to steal a brazen kiss. “You good?”

You nod, unable to form words. You are good, but you’re still dizzy from the orgasm. 

Still, seeing him strip off his shirt has you ready to go again. You lean forward, hand running up the flexing planes of his abs as he shuffles out of his pants. His body is beautiful - cut lines meeting soft skin, whorls of ink staining his arm and chest. His thighs are powerful, flexing as he kicks off his briefs, freeing his hard, heavy cock. 

You reach for him, grasping him in your hand and guiding him toward your messy heat. Jungkook groans as you run his swollen head up and down your folds, making his cock shine with your arousal. 

“Just like that,” he rasps, nodding his head. “Make it nice and fucking wet.”

After a few shallow thrusts, you take the tip and press down into your entrance. You feel a slight ache as he stretches you open despite having fucked you less than an hour ago. You pant through it, watching between your legs as he presses in until his hips are flush with yours. 

It is a tight fit. Full. But so, so good. Jungkook leans forward, placing his hands on either side of his head. You look up to see his necklaces dangling in your face, making you grin. You tug on them, bringing his mouth down to yours for a slow, gentle kiss. 

When he pulls away, he smiles. “Wore them just for you.” 

“Mmm good. Fuck me, please. Feels so full.” 

Jungkook’s left hand goes down, hiking your leg up around his waist. This time is different. He sets the pace slow, pulling all the way out and then gliding back in. You’re drenched enough to make the slide easy, your walls stretching around him the more he fucks you, setting a steady rhythm. 

Pleasure spreads from your cunt outward, unfurling like a blossom. The gentle drag of his cock is mind-numbing, your hands sliding up your stomach to cup your chest, squeezing your tits. He groans in appreciation, picking up his pace a little, the wet slap of skin against skin backtracked by your loud, heavy breathing. 

Sheets cling to your damp skin. You feel your chest heaving, Jungkook’s skin sliding against yours as he pulls you closer. You raise your hips, rolling into him, meeting his thrusts. Your hands slip on his arms, trying to find purchase on anything to ground you. 

“Fuck,” he gasps, trying to catch his breath. 

He pulls away and grabs both of your legs, making you slip. He’s careful not to pull out, pressing your legs together and hooking them side-by-side over his right shoulder, leaning in. The strain on your thighs feels good and the angle hits deep. 

You bring a hand to your mouth, biting into your knuckle. The pain is like a relief, an outlet to channel the pent-up orgasm building like an indestructible storm inside of you. 

Soft, deep moans drip from Jungkook’s mouth. Your feet flex, your body curling as the pleasure spreads. It’s like you can't sit still, every part of you exposed and raw, sparking with electricity as he drives his hips forward relentlessly. 

Your sweaty calf slips off of his shoulder. He slows and taps you on the leg. “Wanna ride me, baby?”

“Yeah. Wanna sit on it.”

“Good girl.”

You preen under the praise. He pulls out, leaving a wet trail of fluid as he does. You’re both a little fuck-drunk and uncoordinated, switching places as he tosses himself on his back, reaching up to grab pillows and stuff them under his shoulders and head.

Facing the windows, you throw a leg over his hips, surprising him by turning your back to him. He growls and slaps a hand on your ass, the sound loud in the room. You moan, spurred by the sting as you shift down to his hips. 

Grabbing his wet cock, you hover over the tip, carefully sinking down his shaft. This angle makes him so much deeper - you swear you feel him in your stomach. Speared to capacity, you take a moment to breathe, overwhelmed and overheated. Jungkook doesn’t mind, content to knead your ass and hips, fingers pressing into muscle and relieving tension. 

“That feels so nice,” you sigh, head rolling to the side. You close your eyes, pussy twitching and stuff full. 

“Yeah? I’ll give you a massage this week.”

“You’re promising me so many things.”

“Have to keep you on the hook.”

“And on your cock?”

He squeezes the globes of your ass. “Definitely on my cock. Feel so good wrapped around me.” 

Leaning forward, you put your hands on his shins, using him as leverage to slowly lift yourself. The drag feels delicious, and when you drop back down, it feels like the air is punched from your lungs. You fuck yourself on him at your own pace, listening to the sound of him falling apart, occasionally his hands cracking your cheeks. 

Biting your lip, you drive yourself to the edge of madness, shaking as your head falls forward between your arms, his name dropping from your mouth. Jungkook slides his hands under you, adding his assistance as he lifts you up and down his cock, helping you bounce. It’s wet and nasty and you don’t care, enjoying every second of it.

“Can I play with this pretty little asshole?” he asks, voice rough. 

“Uh-huh.”

Wet fingers slide between your cheeks. Jungkook presses a finger to your tight rim, not enough to breach but just enough to give mind-melting stimulation. You grind yourself in his lap, focusing on the way it feels every time you roll your hips. Jungkook’s finger circles your asshole in time, making you nearly sob as you work yourself to an orgasm, so fucking close to coming for the third time that night. 

He encourages you softly, come on, baby, and yeah just like that, get yourself off dripping from his lips. It’s like honey to your ears, sweet and syrupy. You work him faster, fingers going tight in the sheets as you hit your stride, arching up toward another release. 

It builds and builds until you’re right on the edge, so so so close that you’re nearly screaming, eyes squeezed shut, breath held, legs shaking. 

You fall over the edge, barely able to keep your rhythm. You feel your pussy flood around him. You’re gulping down air, hips still moving, broken cries interrupted by mindless babble. 

When you start to slow, Jungkook sits up. He nearly knocks you over but he catches you, carefully laying you flat on your stomach. You go boneless, barely there, and floating. Your last orgasm makes everything watery and opaque, Jungkook’s voice is like syrup when he speaks.

“You okay?” You nod vigorously, sticking your ass up a little bit. You’re a little bit useless, but you want him to come, want him to use you. He notices, laughing as he spreads your legs a little, mess running down your folds. “Such a good girl for me, giving me this swollen cunt to use. Fuck, you’re perfect.” 

Tired and spent, you roll your head to the side, closing your eyes, just content to breathe as Jungkook starts to fuck you with abandon. It still feels good, making you tremble underneath him, bordering overstimulation. You toe that line of electricity, fingers twisted in the blanket, breath hissing. 

Jungkook chases his orgasm, bending down to press a hot kiss onto your shoulder as he comes, tongue licking over the sweat and salt of your skin. 

Time moves differently then - at least it feels like it. You don’t know how much passes between Jungkook’s orgasm and him pulling out, or him finally getting up and waking you up. You’re dizzy when you look at him, head cottony and full of almost-sleep. 

Wordlessly, he takes you to the bathroom. You don’t have the mind to look at your surroundings or pay attention to what anything looks like, content to let him pull you into the shower and turn on the hot water. You’re barely there, lost between exhaustion and a post-bliss aura that makes you soft. 

When Jungkook kisses you in the shower, it’s not with the intent to start something else, but it does wake you up. You become a little more lucid, kissing him sweetly, innocent. Afterward, Jungkook wraps you in a fluffy towel and guides you through his bedroom to another room in the house, too tired to change his sheets.

You crash down in the bed together, heavy-limbed and sated. Jungkook pulls you close, already half asleep, eyes shut and mouth parted. You curl into him, realizing you fit perfectly into the curve of his body. Like you were made for him. 

Quickly you fall asleep, your last thought being that perhaps Jungkook is made for you.

-

Morning comes with a brush of a gentle mouth against your shoulder. You hum, turning your head toward the source of the touch. Jungkook’s lips press against yours, morning-slow, tired-soft. You’re sore everywhere - most notably between your legs - but you let him drag you into a lazy makeout session.

Neither of you are really awake. The sun has not come up yet, the world awash in dark grey. Warm blankets wrap around you, heat trapping between your body. Jungkook’s hand slides down your waist and dips between your legs. You part them, sighing as he swipes his fingers through you and groans when they come away wet.

No words are spoken. Only butterfly-soft breaths and gentle gasps of air as he sinks two fingers into your heat from behind. You open yourself up to him, falling into the feel-good stimulation of his touch as it brushes your G-spot.

It doesn’t matter that you’re tired and sore. You want more of Jungkook - cannot get enough of him. Already you’re thinking about the next time you can have him. Even as he lines his cock up with your entrance, pushing in slowly until he’s snug to your core, you’re thinking about how many more times you can take him. How many more ways you want to. 

You’ve barely started and you’re addicted. Craving him. Reaching a hand around behind you to cradle his head to the back of yours, feeling his warm breath fan your ear as he fucks you slowly. Delicate. Far too intimate for the two of you, almost strangers. 

If someone had told you two days ago that your night would start with locking eyes with Jungkook, a world-renowned artist, and end with securing a date that led to this moment, trembling in his arms as he makes you come again, you’d have thought they were crazy. 

Now, you can’t imagine it turning out any other way. Can’t imagine not feeling him shift his hand around to play with your clit, bringing you swiftly to another cresting orgasm, leaving you shaking and broken and near weeping in his arms, coming down from your high as he finishes himself off, cock twitching inside of you. 

Jungkook’s hand leaves your pussy, sliding up your stomach until he reaches the underside of your jaw. He grabs you, turning your face to his, stealing your mouth in a sloppy, searing kiss. 

“Mine,” he mumbles against your mouth between kisses. “Mine.” 

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Ask | Lights Playlist | Previous Episode | Tag Lists | Next Episode

[akmu-archives]

[140410] ['Raise Your Voice High!'] Interview with Interpark BookDB

Among the winners of K-pop Star, there is no doubt that Akdong Musician stands out as one of the most prominent stars. Last year, the young siblings Lee Chanhyuk and Lee Suhyun, aged 15 and 18 years old at the time, who dubbed themselves 'Akdong Musician', quickly became the center of attention in the competition even before they had finished performing their original song "Don't Cross Your Legs." This was due to Suhyun's undeniably charming vocals, Chanhyuk's witty songwriting, and their natural chemistry as siblings, which was both refreshing and captivating. Akdong Musician became the winner of K-pop Star Season 2, and that was already a year ago.

One year later, Akdong Musician became artists of YG Entertainment, officially challenged the music industry with their debut album 'PLAY'. One might think that the title of audition star alone would not be enough to survive in this competitive world. Surprisingly, the title track "200%", along with other songs like "Melted" and "Artificial Grass," swept the charts, this time taking over the music industry. To borrow the comments of many adults, they are a sibling pair that can't help but say, "Whose children are they? They're truly special."

It is a well-known fact that Akdong Musician lived in Mongolia for several years with their missionary parents and were homeschooled for their education. However, we don't know what trials and errors they faced during homeschooling, or what conflicts they had with their parents during their peak adolescence. Akdong Musician, who made a comeback after a year, told the story directly through <Raise Your Voice High!>. It is an essay collection filled with childlike thoughts and amusing experiences on every page, a book that's sure to make your lips curl upwards. BookDB has conducted an email interview with the sibling duo Akdong Musician.

---

"You two have grown a lot in 1 year, isn't it?"

Q: Hello! Please give us a brief introduction of yourselves.

Chanhyuk: Hello. We are the sibling duo Akdong Musician. I am Lee Chanhyuk, who is 19 years old this year. Suhyun is 16 years old. We are not Mongolians but Koreans!!

Suhyun: Hello! I am Lee Suhyun, the main-vocalist-of-Akdong Musician. I am also in charge of being cute (?).

Q: You received a lot of attention after winning the audition. You also took a break to go to Mongolia. How have you been spending the past year?

Chanhyuk: During our dorm life for the audition, I had to refrain from going out and had to hold onto my guitar all day long, so I really missed just walking down the streets without a thought. After the audition, I went to Mongolia, rode a horse, and walked the streets at night, finding peace to calm my slightly frustrated mind. I think that if we practice a lot, we tend to forget the first feeling of the song and become worse at singing. So instead of vocal/rap training, I learned things like Japanese and MIDI. I think I grow the most when I play around.

Suhyun: For the past year, I've been thinking a lot about which agency to go to with my family. After joining YG, I've been working hard on recording, exercising, and taking various lessons to prepare for our official debut album.

Q: Recently, Akdong Musician's debut album has been topping various music charts. What is your favorite song from this album and why?

Chanhyuk: I like '200%', 'Melted,' and 'Artificial Grass.' In particular, 'Melted' and 'Artificial Grass' are songs that I personally cherish because I have no regrets about either the composition or lyrics. Since I think messages are more important, I think the messages that 'Melted' and 'Artificial Grass' convey are quite meaningful, and I was hoping that they might touch many people. It was unexpected that 'Give Love' did well on the music charts, but I am grateful for all the attention and love because the album as a whole did well.

Suhyun: I really didn't think we would get 1st place. I was expecting it, but it was just an expectation, and I didn't know we would actually get 1st place. Thank you so much! My favorite song from this album is '200%.' Since it's the title track, I practiced it the most, so it's the easiest and most enjoyable song for me to sing.

Q: Chanhyuk, you handle songwriting, and Suhyun, you're the vocalist. What have you been up to in the past year to refine your skills and maintain Akdong Musician's unique identity and style?

Chanhyuk: Before, rather than improving my skills, I would just pick a good melody out of the sounds that came out of my mouth, but I'm now striving to create songs that are distinct from my other dozens of self-composed pieces. Now that I have to make various calculations, my songwriting speed has slowed down compared to before, but I believe the quality of my songs has improved.

Suhyun: During the past year of practice, I've been studying various genres and listening to a lot of different music rather than just singing. I've been focusing particularly on pop songs and tracks by female solo artists. I've been working on maximizing my strengths and addressing what I wasn't good at.

Q: Recently, the essay collection <Raise Your Voice High!>, which tells Akdong Musician's growth story, was released. How did you feel while preparing for the publication of this book?

Chanhyuk: I thought not everyone could write books like essays or autobiographies. I thought books like essays or autobiographies were written by extraordinary individuals who had achieved something remarkable, so it was amazing for us to have the opportunity to write a book ourselves. Through this book, we can share our strengths, weaknesses, difficult times, and the days we overcame together with readers. That's why I feel a mix of emotions. I hope our adventures can serve as inspiration for others pursuing their dreams.

Suhyun: I prepared for this book with a nervous heart, thinking about those who will read it. I'm also curious and excited to see how I'll feel looking back on it when I'm older. We tried our best to portray ourselves as we are now, and I'm proud that it seems to have come out just as we intended.

"Just like now"

Q: I read that Chanhyuk experienced adolescence in middle school. Did you overcome by while discovering your musical talent?

Chanhyuk: They often call it "middle-second syndrome," where around this age, at the peak of adolescence, people say and do things that others don't understand. I also discovered my own 'middle-second syndrome' behaviors as time went by, and I started to cover myself with the blanket when I slept. I think that emotional state was the best for making music. Now that I'm at an age where I can somewhat control those overflowing emotions, I'm able to create well-balanced music. There's just a slight difference between the writing during 'middle-second syndrome' and the song lyrics.

Q: What do you think is Akdong Musician's charm?

Chanhyuk: They call our music "pure and free of pollutants." I really like that name. Teacher Park Jinyoung said Akdong Musician's music is pure, but within that purity, there's a mischievous playfulness. I think our charm lies in our mischievous side.

Suhyun: Perhaps our charm lies in singing songs suitable for our age and presenting a friendly image that people around us can relate to, allowing them to enjoy our music without feeling any pressure.

Q: Finally, please tell us about your individual dreams.

Chanhyuk: I want to keep making the same kind of music as I am now, forever. My goal is to stick to my music without being swayed by anyone's words. The music I want to make is diverse. I want to try all genres, including jazz, electronic, and even trot. But I have to make sure I don't lose my own color in the process.

Suhyun: Actually, my dream of becoming a singer came true so quickly that for now, my next dream is to just keep singing our stories happily as we are now. Just like now.

Source: Interpark BookDB (via Rico-jjang)

[newmusicradionetwork]

Country Songstress Brei Carter To Release New Music With Sophisticated Rendition Of “For The Good Times”

Country singer-songwriter Brei Carter announces new music is on the way for 2023 via her recent global music distribution partnership with Brown Lee Entertainment & The Orchard. Carter puts a slightly sultry, yet sophisticated southern touch on a Kris Kristofferson classic tune, “For The Good Times,” available April 14 everywhere, cutting the song with established Nashville producer and composer Curt Ryle (Taylor Swift, Pam Tillis, Brooks & Dunn) from his private studio. Carter is also working on a new music video to rollout in April for the song which was first released by Bill Nash in 1968. However, it was Ray Price who first turned it into a #1 country hit in 1970 with subsequent popularized recordings from Al Green and Wayne Newton. “I wanted to record the song because of the message I think it represents, and that’s not taking anyone or anything for granted,” said Carter. “Love can be here today and gone tomorrow, and sometimes people just grow apart. It says that no matter what, life goes on so we should make the most of every moment. That’s a reminder that I think about in everything that I do.” The up-and-coming Nashville-based songstress who was recently featured by WSMV-TV about her growing music career is also preparing her next original song project, the jovial pop-country anthemic “Straight Up Country Crazy,” also in the works for an early June release. Carter will also roll out another new video to accompany the project, which is being filmed, produced and directed by Karl Weidmann of Southern Cabin Films. “I wanted to make sure that there was no doubt that this girl is country through and through,” Carter said. “Country roots, it’s in my blood. Now, as an adult, I still can’t get enough of it! Straight up country crazy is what I like to call it!” Carter released her first full length album independently in 2022, the critically acclaimed Brand New Country, an eclectic mix of songs which explores Carter’s various country, soul and R&B musical roots, and recorded with a variety of prominent musical producers including Curt Ryle, Jason Wyatt, William Washington WLPWR, Bridgetown, and others. About Brei Carter: Emerging crossover country and southern pop recording artist Brei Carter is proof that sometimes faith, patience and time pays off. Growing up in Monroe, Louisiana with a solid, southern upbringing, Brei’s family raised her on several authentic southern staples: the Bible, Lone Star Missionary Baptist Church’s choir, Charley Pride, Loretta Lynn, Aretha Franklin, and no shortage of familial love and devotion. However, before she became the dynamic and vivacious country singer she is today, Brei was busy earning a Bachelors in Business from University of Louisiana in Monroe, a Masters in International Relations from Webster University, and a Doctorate in Theology from New Foundation Theological Seminary. She is also a proud Veteran of the U.S. Army, where she served as an enlisted soldier and as an officer. Having moved to Nashville soon thereafter, Brei has quickly established herself in the songwriters community as a smooth and sometimes edgy songstress who melds country, soul and southern pop into one fused style. Her first single at country radio “Gave Him A Girl” was immediately recognized as “cute and catchy” by country music journalist and historian Robert K. Oermann in his weekly DISClaimer review column for Music Row Magazine. Brei made her CMA Fest debut in 2022, along with a performance on WoodSongs Old Time Radio Hour. Her growing catalog of new music includes her debut album Brand New Country, released in Fall 2022, and new music on the way in 2023 slated for April & June. Carter is quickly proving herself to be a welcomed addition to the emerging new styles of country music in today’s diverse musical landscape. Brei Carter Contacts: Publicity & PR: Jason W. Ashcraft | jwa@jwamedia.com | (615) 991-1125 Label Management: Dewayne Brown | dewayne@brownleeentertainment.com | (615) 617-7747 Booking: booking@breicarter.com Read the full article

[queenlucythevaliant]

Have I pitched my Acts sitcom to you guys yet? I don’t think so.

Basically, I want a sitcom made based on the book of Acts with a combination of Christian and secular writers and creatives. Preferably a few of the Christians will have served as committee members in some capacity in their local churches. The goal, essentially, is to riff on the human messiness and frequent absurdity of the early church with good humor and some irreverence, but never with God or the Gospel as the butt of the joke.

Characters:

Peter is the young, energetic guy who suddenly has Administrative Responsibilities. He’s energized by his evangelism/discipleship work, but he’s always Tired and Unwell while trying to manage the leadership of the church.  

John is overly affectionate. He’s always hugging people he barely knows, giving people really enthusiastic compliments, that sort of thing.

Luke is quiet and nerdy, maybe even a little nebbish. When he speaks, it’s usually to ask people vaguely uncomfortable questions “for his book.” If you want to go mocumentary style with the show, Luke’s interviews can be the framing device.

Paul is generally a pretty chill guy, but he’s super gung-ho about suffering for the Gospel. People are a little weirded out his wannabe martyr energy.

John Mark is really, really annoying in some way. Like maybe he’s always playing his original music on the lyre and he’s really bad at it. Maybe he’s really flakey and irresponsible and sort of has Jean-Ralphio energy. Paul, in particular, finds him really annoying and always looks absolutely miserable when they’re in a scene together. When Barnabas eventually suggests bringing John Mark on a missionary journey, the “sharp disagreement” is just Paul going “oh hell no” and walking straight out of the room.

Lots of women and people of different races represented, particularly as church members. Lydia should be a major character, although I don’t quite know what her personality should be. Rhoda (the servant who slammed the door in Peter’s face) would be a fun inclusion too. Racial diversity should at least reflect the actual ancient Mediterranean, although I don’t think I’d be super picky about which specific characters are which races.

Ongoing plots:

The organizational nightmares of running a church is a running theme. Basically just crib from the funniest parts of church government and organization. Things are poorly run and disorganized and people have different opinions and everything somehow still gets done. This stuff can have Parks and Rec energy.

Lots of conflict of personality issues, but also an increasing closeness between the Apostles and members of the church  

Lots of missionaries getting run out of town in increasingly comedic ways. Like, I want Paul and Barnabas running out of Random Roman City #52 while getting pelted with eggs.

Lots of what I can only describe as late night theology. Like when you’re sleep deprived and discussing the deep questions of Scripture with your friends in the car, often arriving at weird conclusions. Lots of that kind of stuff. Also, in general, the characters talk about God the way Christians actually do-- casually, often humorously, sometimes irreverently, as an important part of life and not just a serious subject for Important Conversations

Paul’s Roman Citizenship is milked for all it’s worth. Yes, it gets him out of imprisonment and torture, but it also gets him out of like, minor municipal violations.

Episode plots:

Philip finds himself teleported to/from Ethiopia to convert the eunuch and, upon returning to Jerusalem, spends an episode getting startled by sudden movement (knocking things over, accidentally slapping people) because he thinks he’s gonna get teleported again. There’s a long scene where Philip tries to interrogate Peter and find out if teleportation is just like a standard Holy Spirit powerup or if it was a one-time deal. Peter’s just getting progressively more and more confused.

Saul’s conversion from Ananias’s perspective. He’s woken up in the middle of the night and told to go pick Saul the Murder up and take him home. He’s sleep-deprived and low-key freaking out and he hasn’t gone grocery shopping so he’s running around trying to find some food for Saul at 2am. Episode ends with Ananias collapsed sideways on his bed and Paul coming and pulling a blanket over him.

Extended physical comedy scene where they’re lowering Paul over the wall in the basket, but the ropes are uneven and he’s getting tossed from side to side and the guy at the bottom isn’t in place yet and they’re all trying really hard to be inconspicuous.

There’s a whole road episode where it’s just everyone cooped up on a ship or in the middle of the desert or something while they’re on their way to spread the gospel in a new city.  They all get on each others nerves. Somebody goes a little bit stir-crazy and loses it.

The show shouldn’t be ashamed that it’s about people spreading the Gospel, but I don’t want lots of scenes that try to evangelize the viewer. We’re not trying to proselytize, we’re trying to make light of the human messiness that is life in the church. Embrace anachronism (I’d love to see some modern church potlucks, for example), but also lots of nerdy historical and Biblical/theological jokes.

There’s such a dearth of genuinely funny Christian entertainment, particularly that which (a) is entertaining to seculars as well and (b) actually embraces the Bible and not just some form of cultural Christianity. And Acts is right there! It’s hilarious! Top tier sitcom material! Somebody fund me.

@citrussunrises other friends, anything to add?

[zedecksiew]

D&D's Obsession With Taxonomy

Like virtually everybody else in the TTRPG space I downloaded One D&D's playtest document to see what the fuss was.

One of the eyebrow-raising bits in that document is the boxed text titled "Children Of Different Humanoid Kinds":

"For example, folk who have a human parent and an orc or an elf parent are particularly common. Many other combinations are possible ... Finally, determine the average of the two options’ Life Span traits to figure out how long your character might live. For example, a child of a halfling and a gnome has an average life span of 288 years."

Many people have problems with this passage. I can see why. But when I read it I laughed.

Of course D&D would handle this thing this way.

"Determine the average of the two options' Life Span traits to figure out how long your character might live"; the ludicrous math precision of "288 years"?

These bits are quintessential D&D.

+

"D&D is racist!" discourse returns again and again, like a pair of annoying missionaries.

(I've used this metaphor before. I'm pleased with it. I will repeat it as often as people repeat "D&D is racist!" discourse online.)

But a conversation that Flo began on Discord about the thoul has given me a way to talk about "D&D is racist!" in a way that doesn't bore me.

+

What is a thoul?

"Thouls are magical crosses between ghouls, hobgoblins, and trolls. In spite of their ghoulish blood, they are living creatures, not undead."

Gus points out that "thoul" is likely a typo -- "transcription error (first use of thouls replaces 'toads' as entry above 'ghouls' on table transferred from Monsters and a treasure to ready ref sheets)"

(Here's a fun link about the thoul's possible origins.)

The Discord conversation descends into laughter.

Flo: "I think D&D does not need as many humanoids as it has."

+

Here's my thought:

D&D is racist is really: D&D is obsessed with taxonomy which is really: Nerds are obsessed with taxonomy

+

People arguing over the differences between a wyvern and a dragon; or

People insisting that Tolkien made a categorical distinction between orcs and goblins (no, he did not, go read "Lord of the Rings" again); or

People arguing about whether "Star Wars" is science fiction or science fantasy, and then arguing about the boundaries of science fantasy; or

What Are The Differences Between High Fantasy And Low Fantasy

Etc, etc, etc.

All of the above cliche-nerd-arguments are about more-or-less arbitrary distinctions. The utility of these categories tend to be vastly overblown.

+

Categories are useful.

There is a distinction between performance art and the performing arts because they arise from separate traditions; ditto the many strains of music genre.

But these are useful precisely because they communicate a history of people exercising agency -- creators choosing to define themselves in relation to history / tradition / peers, letting those things define their work.

Categories are subjective actions, not objective facts.

+

What the nerd approach to taxonomy ("a dragon is NOT a wyvern!!!") does well is make a field of knowledge / phenomena predictable, quantifiable: "This is the way the world is."

Therefore fully understandable: "I know the world."

Therefore possible to act on: "I know what do with the world."

You can solve it, apply best practices to it, optimise it, own it, possess it.

Definitive taxonomies like "goblin / hobgoblin / bugbear" is better for you because then you can shorthand these creatures into three separate and discrete scripts.

Instead of: "goblin people come in a lot of different sizes -- some are big, some are puny, some are kind, some are not -- it all depends. You got to just pay attention to each one."

Which makes things messier, more unpredictable, meaning you have to pay attention, exercise discretion / empathy more, possibly accommodate new perspectives.

"I know the bugbear better than it knows itself, I got this." vs "Okay so how do I get to know Ms Goblin better?"

+

When I posted these thoughts to Discord, Marcia observed:

"The connection between taxonomy and power, that nerds find it empowering to possess an abstract knowledge which they impose onto things, seems related to what has been identified as phallic desire ..."

(Meaning that this blogpost should really be titled D&D's Obsession With Phallic Desire , for maximum clickbait -- but this is Marcia's thought, don't wanna steal her thunder!)

+

One advantage to quantifiable, objective, abstracted taxonomies in games:

It helps with logistics in play.

The mental load for players in TTRPGs is already so high -- at least it is for me, weak-brained nerd as I am; I need some shorthand just to help my imagination along.

BUT!

If helping with mental load was the purpose for D&D obsessive taxonomy -- it'd be way simpler than it now is???

Tracking all the split hairs between D&D FINAL EDITION's ten thousand different Conditions is empathically not making play easier.

+

Back to the thoul. Gus again:

"Thouls - my take is they are interesting as a set of mechanics - but incoherent as a creature. The need to justify their abilities via existing monsters makes then nonsensical- better just to have them be some sort of manifestation of goblin magic or science ... That D&D chose instead to taxonomize them says something about D&D."

+

The thoul's "part ghoul, part troll, part hobgoblin" thing is much like the "half-dradkin half-celestial ranger 5 / paladin 7" NPCs you see in mainstream RPG adventure-path-type books.

Which is much like: "determine the average of the two options’ Life Span traits" and "288 years".

Aesthetically and ethically incoherent; mechanically convoluted -- but absolutely sensical if your purpose is to safeguard access to a highly taxonomised "objective" worldview.

Nerds don't mind figuring out complicated fractions of abstract objective absolutes. Because this means you can still ultimately sort reality into absolutes.

You can still grasp (in all senses of the word) the world.

That thought is safer / more advantageous than: "yeah you just gotta deal with things being a messy soup, people are not lines of code, you gotta pay attention to everything in its own context."

+

This is turning out to be a post assisted by Discord chorus.

Re: the drive for taxonomy-based worldbuilding -- and concurrent to thoughts about how Non-Diegetic Objective Maps Are Naff Actually -- Ava:

"the whole "fantasy worldbuilding, with its concrete ontologies and god's eye histories and maps replicates + reifies colonial epistemology" was the whole deal of my thesis."

(Ava you need to write a blogpost about this thesis!)

Re: literal scientific taxonomy -- Dan:

"D&D's obsession with taxonomy is weirder to me than normal taxonomic obsessions because of how hard it tries to ape natural sciences and then leaves out every possible interesting thing actually studying ecology could lead to."

Which sparked a discussion about the politics of binomial nomenclature, how there's a great deal of re-classification going on in scientific fields.

Syd:

"there’s actually been a lot of big reshuffles that have come out of the fact that people realized certain classifications had been from phenotypical similarities (physical characteristics) but not genotípicas relationships. And even when it isn’t political in the sense of changing names that we’re given as honorifics there’s actually a huge pushback just from people who think it shouldn’t change bc that’s historically how it was, even if it doesn’t fit our current models of what taxonomy is actually useful for in ecology and biology."

Something something, categories are subjective actions, not objective facts, something something.

Flo, with the final word:

"It's the same thing that gives the Internet sandwich discourse. 'Is x a sandwich?' A sandwich is not an objective fact. A sandwich is an idea. A sandwich is a category we choose to make."

+

( Image source: https://dmdavid.com/tag/the-strange-mystery-of-the-dd-monster-called-a-thoul/ )

[noyasboxdye]

Cherry Blossom NSFW hcs

Notes: He's so fucking pretty and I think I'm going thru my sk8 phase again lol. I really miss this show tbh.

Pairing: Kaoru Sakurayashiki x Male! Reader

WARNINGS: Choking, Slapping, Spitting, Voyeurism/Exhibitionism, Marking, Breeding, Temperature play, Bondage.

Vanilla Sex:

He enjoys vanilla. It's not his favourite but can be at moments.

His moans are really soft during vanilla

He usually enjoys vanilla most when you do slow but deep thrusts

He tends to kiss you a lot. And not like giving you hickeys type kisses like the deep sensual I'm in love with you type of kiss.

He will suck on your tongue/ bottom lip or bite your lip when kissing.

He also enjoys having music play in the background.

He usually enjoys vanilla in the mornings. He really likes when you wake him up with kisses and it leads to sex.

You usually have vanilla sex after his business trips as I missed you/I love you type of thing.

He usually doesn't give as many hickey's and marks period during vanilla

Eye contact is really important for him during vanilla. So you guys are usually in missionary and if not missionary then you're in a spooning kind of position. (I forgot what that position is called sorry.)

Build up:

It's usually when you've been away from each other for a few days or weeks that you both end up doing vanilla.

Or if he had a particularly tiring day at work.

Or when he gets jealous of you and another person. He'll usually lean more towards soft sex because it's when he has the most control and can feel like you won't leave

He also thrives most in a vanilla setting when you're being gentle and he can truly put on a show for you.

Morning sex is usually the most likely the reason you two would ever have vanilla sex

Kinky Sex:

He likes to be treated like a ragdoll to keep it a bit simple. But only to a certain extent.

He loves choking so much. Especially when he's being a bitch in front of your friends and you yolk him up and threaten to fuck him into the mattress.

He really enjoys slapping. Not like his face but like his thighs and ass. He really loves the deep red marks that are left on his body.

Spitting is one of those things that's either a hit or a miss. And for him, it was a really big fucking hit. You originally started doing it because you wanted to try new things. And the way that you were fucking into him so roughly while choking him and you just spit on him like he was nothing. He came right after you did it.

He loves leaving marks on your body. It's one of those things that eggs him on for hours during sex. He loves being on top of you while you force him up and down on your cock and just littering your neck, chest, and jaw in hickeys. He loves the way you look at your back after he just got finished dragging his nails down your back.

He loves putting on a show for you and other people if you let him. He likes the way you eye fuck him as he lays on the bed jerking himself off while you control the vibrator in his ass. Or when you invite your friends over and fuck him while they watch desperately staring at while stroking cocks pretending it was him instead of their hands.

Public sex is one of his favourite kinds of sex. Especially office sex. Something about you sucking him off in his office while he's talking to someone and having to hold back moans and whimpers just sets him off.

He's a whore for breeding. He loves bagging for you to cum in him and make him pregnant. Even though he knows he cannot get pregnant he doesn't care he just want you to fill him to the brim. He especially loves it when you keep it inside him with a butt plug.

Temperature play is something that will make him instantly weak to his knees. The feeling of you setting ice cubes on his stomach and nipples. Having an ice cube in your mouth while giving him head.

He doesn't like rope or cuffs but he loves silk ribbon. Something about red silk ribbon makes him loose his shit.

Build up:

He's usually being a little bitch. Flirting with your friends reminding of the last time they watched you fuck him and how you let them jerking him off or play with his nipples to make his orgasm hit even harder

Because he doesn't touch himself while on business trips the tension will build up, and by the time he's back home he's a hot and eager mess. Literally begs you to fuck him which make it so much more satisfying when you decide to edge him.

If either of you had a shitty or stressful day at work it usually leads to angry sex.

When you both get into arguments Kaoru likes to add fuel to the fire by teasing you and wearing your favourite clothing items of his. Or just pushing his ass up against you when he walks by.

He's usually the one to ask for rough/kinky sex. He likes how small you make him feel and constantly craves that feeling.

Aftercare:

You two usually sit in the bed for like 5ish minutes before you decide to do anything.

Then you'll get up and grab a rag to wipe majority of the cum and sweat off him.

Then you'll go make a bath for him because most times his legs hurt.

You usually put him in the bath and change the sheets then you get in the bath with him.

But the days where you don't need to change the sheets you just get right in the bath with him. You'll wash his hair while he weakly washes his body and wash the parts that he can't.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

So an Aussie school implemented critical race theory in a school and I’m watching the first episode so far the white students hate themselves because they are automatically bad because white. Because that’s how you solve racism identifying people by race and making them evil?

There was also a lot of mocking I think of white students “what does it mean to be white?” And they don’t know so the presenter is laughing. Because there’s no nuance because white is one homogenous culture no nuance what so ever. Greek is identical to Irish to Russian to German to Ukrainian.

That's what it does. I've seen it described as a universal solvent. Thinking about everybody around you in terms of race and in terms of neo-Marxian oppressor/oppressed class dynamics is the surest way to disintegrate human connections, stir up resentment and divide.

I'm surprised that this was done at an Australian school. Partly because Australia's ethnic demographics are much different than the USA, where this theology originated. Indeed, much of the early development of the Australian settlements appears to have been done on the back of white people transported there in chains, as convicts often found guilty of petty crimes. Australia has a significant Asian population, and their black population tends to be either their indigenous people, or recent immigrants from African nations. So the presuppositions and of the theology don’t really line up.

Ironically, the implementation of CRT is a demonstration of American missionaries colonizing their theology into other countries.

Here's the thing about culture, though.

Culture is experienced, it's something you participate in. It's what surrounds you. It's not a property of a person's biology. In America, black and white people who were born and grew up there will have more in common culturally than they will have differences. They're black and white Americans. Their culture is American. They know how tipping works, how the football leagues work, how the rivalry between different cultural factions works: east vs west music, which Chris team you're on, Ford vs Chevrolet, etc.

Through my job, there's a white guy I work with online who is from and in South Africa. He even did compulsory national service. He is more "African" (although Africa is an entire continent of many countries) than Oprah Winfrey. He's culturally South African, ethnically Afrikaner, with ancestry to the Netherlands Dutch.

For that matter, Yasmine Mohammed, whose mother is Egyptian, from Egypt, is more culturally "African" than Oprah Winfrey. Yasmine is first-generation Canadian, born to an immigrant from an African nation. Oprah Winfrey is not.

Black Americans, by the way, typically have about 15-20% European ancestry, along with a smaller mixture of Native American and other genetic lines.

This is why "cultural appropriation" is so demented. Often the people scolding others are themselves as removed from the culture as the person they're scolding, and are simply using their skin color to manipulate others.

Culture is not in your DNA or your skin tone. Ethnicity is your family's history or lineage of culture, which in Europe can be as diverse as Irish, Swedish, Spanish, Polish, Croatian and Italian. Ancestry is your genetic heritage. These are all different things.

Anyone who thinks the Irish and the Polish, the Spanish and the Swedish, the British and the Croats, are interchangeable is as stupid as they are ignorant.

Here is a mega-post showing the diversity of traditional European cultures, from Albania to Wales.

https://www.tumbex.com/rachel-angelina.tumblr/post/638380173057818624

"White culture" is therefore an incoherent term. Take a black American, a black Kenyan and even a black Brit and put them in a room together to discuss their culture - traditions, society, values, social expectations and norms, etc. Hell, put a black American and a black Canadian in the same room. Any shared and contrasting aspects of their culture will parallel those of a white American and a white Canadian.

Ideologues like this want to fixate on the white and black, not on the American, or the Australian, the Kenyan, South African, etc.

The presenter is deliberately misusing words to confuse the kids. Because the presenter is a racist. They see the non-white people as a different culture than the white people. e.g. seeing a fourth generation Australian student with Chinese ancestry as being "Chinese" and not "Australian"; that is being outsiders to the local culture. The presenter is looking at such a kid and believes to their core “you are not Australian, your eyes and your skin mean you can never be Australian.” And seeing the white students as having "no culture" means they're actually making "white" the default, without regard for their diverse cultural lineage, as you mentioned.

The presenter is a full-blown white supremacist. And I mean that in the Strom Thurmond sense, not the nonsensical world of milk and hiking being "white supremacy."

The implementation of Critical Race Theory - i.e Critical Race Praxis and Critical Race Pedagogy - and other Woke doctrines reliably and inevitably heralds increased division and racism (and sexism, hetero/homo-angst, etc), not less, because everybody spends all their time fixating on race, gender, sexuality, etc, and not on getting anything done. There is a long history of destruction in its wake, from Evergreen State College to Knitting Instagram.

Because it’s not about solving problems any more than Xianity is about instilling morality. It’s about authoritarianism and securing belief in a specific ideology and worldview. At any cost.

[perry-mason-della-street]

About The Author

@muir2244-blog wanted to know more about me, so, here we go:

My name is Anne B. Mae - yes, the B. is part of my name. Technically, I have two middle names, both of them beginning with the letter b, but Anne B. B. Mae is ridiculous. Since my middle names are named after two special people, I wanted to keep the letter b in my name to honor them. So Anne B. Mae it is!

I am a Perry Mason buff, in case you didn't know that based on my blog. I watch it with my siblings. We love the show, but my parents don't. I don't know why, they just don't. (They don't have a problem with the show, mind you, they just don't like watching it. They're weird)

I am a Christian. I became a Christian when I was five or six years old, and I was baptized November 19, 2019. I am not Catholic either.

I am a whole lot younger than most people think. I am not going to share my age publicly, but I am younger than twenty five.

I am the oldest of six children, and the oldest of 27 grandchildren and counting!

I love to write! I started writing when I was six years old. I still have the original story I wrote. It is very cringeworthy... I write a lot of stories, 90% are not fan fiction. Perry Mason is the only writing that I have posted online.

The stories I write are mysteries. I LOVE mysteries!!!! I write mysteries, read mysteries, and watch mysteries. To say I am obsessed with mysteries would a slight understatement...D-:

I was born in the wrong generation: my heart is in the 1940s-1950s. I listen to music from that time, I wear as much vintage clothing as I can, and I watch all of the old movies and TV shows that I can. I don't listen to modern music (except for Christian), and I don't watch modern shows or movies.

My favorite movies are Seven Brides For Seven Brother's, Sound Of Music, It's A Wonderful Life, the Thin Man movies, and any of Alfred Hitchcock's works. My favorite two old TV shows are Perry Mason (duh) and the Carol Burnett Show. I do watch one modern TV show called Blue Bloods. It does contain some language and it is a cop show, so you have what they see, but I really like this show too.

My favorite actors are Jimmy Stewart, Cary Grant, and William Powell. My favorite actresses are Barbara Hale and Carol Burnett. My favorite singer is Frank Sinatra.

I love to read as well! Again with the mysteries...

I am a nanny (no, not a live in nanny, but I am a nanny just the same) to two adorable children!

I love chocolate.

My favorite colors are purple and dark green.

My birthday is in February.

I live in Ohio.

I love feminine things, and I am not a feminist.

Sparkly? I love glittery things!

I want to take up tap dancing.

I love to sing, and I sometimes sing on my church's worship team.

I am good at public speaking.

I would love to be on the stage and make a name for myself (singing, dancing, acting, etc.)

I love being around people and talking to people. (I am very social)

I currently have 41 followers, most of whom never interact with me.

And I am going to be a missionary some day!

Is there anything else you want to know about me? Just ask! I have another blog @mon-petit-monde where I post things that aren't related to Perry Mason

[theprologues]

Kaylor Inspired Reading

There are so many great books I’ve discovered thanks to this little community on here! I thought I would organize a collection* of ones we’ve discussed at one point or another. I’d love to add more books on here and other recommendations. These are the books I’ve found pertain to Kaylor or that we’ve discussed were similar to Kaylor story. Books that inspired some of Taylor’s work or that both the girls have referenced. 

1. Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

This was a quick and easy read for me. I really loved the Hollywood era parts of it. The book does a great job of showing that bearding in Hollywood is something that is not unusual. It makes it more palatable to the average reader who doesn’t really understand how Hollywood operates. I recommend showing this book to a friend who has heard about Kaylor but doesn’t really understand how Taylor’s “boyfriends” play a factor into it. Here’s the tweet that originally inspired the discussion about it: 

LINK LINK LINK

2. Untamed by Glennon Doyle

“Then, while speaking at a conference, she looked at a woman across the room and fell instantly in love. Three words flooded her mind: There She Is. It was like an awakening, for these words did not come from on high, they came from within. This was her own voice, the voice of the girl she had been before the world told her who to be. Glennon decided to abandon the world’s expectation of her and embrace knowing her true self. Now she takes us on her journey of realization. She had to be willing to burn down what she was taught to want and rise from the ashes knowing the truth about who she is and who she was meant to be with. Only then would she truly be free and start living and loving as she was intended.”

LINK LINK LINK

3. Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier

"When I was reading 'Rebecca' by Daphne du Maurier, I was thinking wow, her husband just tolerates her. She's doing all these things and she's trying so hard and she's trying to impress him and he's just tolerating her the whole time...there was a part of me that was relating to that because at some point in my life I felt that way so I ended up writing this song Tolerate It which is all about trying to love someone who is ambivalent” - Taylor Swift

4. This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald

I included this side of Paradise because Spade had a riddle quote from it. We all know Taylor’s epic love of F. Scott Fitzgerald. At the time the Spade riddle sent there was a lot of imagery of palm trees and the idea of paradise Taylor was hinting at as well. This was pre- Lover release.

♠️1 | I began the riddle with a line from the poem, “Tiare Tahiti”, which inspired the title of Scott Fitzgerald’s first novel, “This Side of Paradise”. An easter egg mentioned in the Elle essay, “Pop is Personal”. Anyways, at this point, the ellipses were to guide you to a section in this novel called ‘KISMET’ - “…within”. This entire section and the interlude, contain underlying themes in Lover. You can see parallels of the story that unfolds in Lover within these paragraphs.

Spade’s Riddles: LINK

5. Oranges are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson

The discussion for this began after the You Need to Calm Down music video. In the video most people featured are famous or are clearly shown. Which made us curious who the Orange Girl was whether or not it was Karlie disguised and why she was on an exercise bike eating oranges whole. This one is the next one I plan on reading after my current book!

Jeanette is brought up as one of God’s elect and seems destined to spend life as a missionary, but she falls for one of her converts. So she decides to leave her life and home for the woman she loves.

LINK LINK LINK LINK LINK

*Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you.*

[dweemeister]

Melody Time (1948)

Disengaged and disinterested, Walt Disney was adrift at his own studio in the late 1940s. The studio’s modestly-budgeted package animated features were designed to save it from financial ruin. Yet, they required artistic and storytelling compromises that Disney was loathe to make. In this period, Disney shuffled personnel around the various departments – whether due to personal conflicts or dissatisfaction with their artistic approach on a certain film. Melody Time’s segments are of varying quality and limited experimentation, reflecting the organizational tumult within the studio. No standout moment exists in Melody Time, even though it is more energetic and looser than the preceding Fun and Fancy Free (1947).

The modern Walt Disney Company has advertised Melody Time as a film, “in the grand tradition of Disney’s greatest musical classics, such as Fantasia.” Audacious comparison to make, but functionally inaccurate. Fantasia, as imagined by Walt Disney, Deems Taylor, Leopold Stokowski, and the studio’s animators, was crafted so that its animation would empower the music (in cinema, the reverse – where music serves the action on-screen – is almost always a filmmaker’s approach). The reverse of that relationships holds here. Melody Time contains these seven segments, or “mini-musicals”: “Once Upon a Wintertime”, “Bumble Boogie”, “The Legend of Johnny Appleseed”, “Little Toot”, “Trees”, “Blame It on the Samba”, and “Pecos Bill”. Some of these mini-musicals are more watchable and more artistically interesting than others – although that standard is relatively low in Melody Time.

“Once Upon a Wintertime” is based on an overused Disney narrative template that never ceases to be a bore. A young couple are out and about, flirting and flitting, all while the woodland animals scurrying back and forth mirror human courtship. The segment, however, is partially redeemed by Frances Langford singing the segment’s title song (composed by Bobby Worth and Ray Gilbert) and the unmistakable influence of Mary Blair (1950’s Cinderella, the “It’s a Small World” attraction at Disneyland in Anaheim) in its aesthetic. With any piece of animation involving Mary Blair, one can expect an eye-catching use of color and her modernist art style. “Once Upon a Wintertime” is like a holiday card brought to animated life. Unlike a picturesque and meaningful holiday card, though, it overstays its welcome. But the stereotypical treatment of the young women appearing in “Once Upon a Wintertime” is, to put it mildly, clichéd writing at best. Hackneyed, too, is the fact that the woodland animals come to the human’s rescue.

Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov’s Flight of the Bumblebee is one of the most recognizable (and overplayed) pieces of Western classical music, even to those folks who go out of their way to announce their distaste for classical music. Given a jazz rendition by the Freddy Martin Orchestra, “Bumble Boogie” is a thankfully brief three-minute foray. Here, an insect (that does not seem anything like a bee) flies through a series of surreal images – mostly parts of musical instruments (piano keys in particular) – that it must avoid. The segment is visually entertaining to watch, even if it must have been the easiest to prepare, design, and animated for in all of Melody Time. If placed in either Fantasia or Fantasia 2000, it would easily be the weakest Fantasia segment ever produced.

Third in the film is a segment that feels most like a classic Disney production. “The Legend of Johnny Appleseed” is Disney’s glorified and sanitized take on the eponymous American pioneer, nurseryman, conservationist, and missionary. Walt’s personal ideology and perspective on American history included the fulfillment of Manifest Destiny and the taming of the nation’s wilds as among humanity’s greatest achievements. These are notions that Walt – through his films, theme parks, television shows, and public and private remarks – never questioned. Narrated and with Johnny Appleseed voiced by Dennis Day, there is a sincerity to Johnny’s characterization not present anywhere else in the movie. Again, Mary Blair’s artwork – this time, her forested backgrounds – appears as if heaven-sent. The umbrella-like canopy of the apple trees and “untamed” forests are inviting, and attract one’s eyes upward – towards the apples, paradise.

The title song (sometimes referred to as “The Lord is Good to Me”) featured in the opening moments of “The Legend of Appleseed” is one of the earliest – and one of the few – mentions or depictions of religious faith in a Disney animated work. It reinforces the mythos that surrounds Johnny Appleseed (and, by extension, the belief that white men are divine heroes for civilizing the lands west of the original Thirteen Colonies) to the present day. I was not raised in any of the Abrahamic religions, but it difficult to deny the simple charm of the title song and this segment – even if it endorses a troublesome perspective on American history. “The Legend of Johnny Appleseed” is the best segment of Melody Time – from its unassuming storytelling and wondrous animation. It is the only Melody Time segment that I could possibly envision as a decent feature-length animated film.

Based on a 1939 children’s picture book of the same name Hardie Gramatky, “Little Toot” is a chore to sit through. The segment shares similar narrative and aesthetic tissue with Saludos Amigos’ (1942) “Pedro”, which concerned an anthropomorphic mail airplane that thinks it could. Along the Hudson River in New York City, Little Toot is a tiny tugboat who aspires to be like his father Big Toot. Just as in “Pedro”, this is a case of an anthropomorphized vehicle child who attempts to assume adult responsibility in order to prove that they can perform tasks as well as the adults can. Given that Little Toot is a meddling prankster playing tugboat games, it is difficult to feel much sympathy when he finally faces the consequences of his actions – which probably includes calamitous infrastructural damage and human casualties. Of course, Little Toot is eventually redeemed through some heroic deeds. All of the tugboats will love him, as they belt out with glee that Little Toot will go down in history. The segment is grating, including the novelty title song sung by The Andrews Sisters. Aside from some fascinating water effects, there is not much that “Little Toot” offers in the way of animated interest. Otherwise, it is least interesting segment of the film.

The palate-cleanser is “Trees”, a four-minute segment based on Joyce Kilmer’s poem of the same name (music composed by Oscar Rasbach and performed by Fred Waring and the Pennsylvanians). Its aesthetic harkens back to a few seconds near the end of the “Ave Maria” in Fantasia, but otherwise “Trees” is distinct from anything else that has appeared in the Disney animated canon. When setting to work on “Trees”, layout artist Ken O’Connor (1941’s Dumbo, 1987’s The Brave Little Toaster) found himself enamored by the concept art, and endeavored to be a faithful to the style set by the concept art as possible. To do this, O’Connor frosted cels before drawing pastel images onto the cel. Before being photographed by the studio’s multiplane camera, each cel was laminated in clear lacquer to prevent the pastel from smudging. Thanks to O’Connor’s experimentation, “Trees”, however fleeting, lays claim to some of the most beautiful animation among all of the package Disney animated features.

“Blame it on the Samba” sees a reunion of Donald Duck and Brazilian parrot José Carioca (Saludos Amigos, 1944’s The Three Caballeros) are walking about, depressed, directionless. Suddenly, they encounter the Aracuan Bird (who debuted in The Three Caballeros), who whisks them inside a cocktail that introduces them to the rhythmic pleasures of the samba. The segment’s title song is based on Ernesto Nazareth’s polka Apanhei-te, Cavaquinho, sung by The Dinning Sisters with adapted English lyrics, and accompanied by organist Ethel Smith (who appears as herself).

“Blame it on the Samba” feels like it should have been featured in either Saludos Amigos or The Three Caballeros – and that was the intention exactly. Intended to appear in Saludos Amigos, “Blame it on the Samba” was animated and completed in time for it to be incorporated in The Three Caballeros. Given Donald Duck’s lust for human women in the second half of the latter movie, “Blame it on the Samba” might have otherwise been a serviceable penultimate number in that film. The segment is an explosion of color, a kick in the rear for a movie that feels much longer than its seven-five-minute runtime might suggest. And yet in a segment for a music genre innovated in Brazil and popularized by Brazilians, the performers and the performance lack any discernible Brazilian influence or roots. This is not samba music. Instead, it is the culmination of what a white American might think samba music sounds like. This unfortunate development probably would have been avoided entirely if “Blame it on the Samba” appeared in those two aforementioned films instead.

“Pecos Bill”, based on the Texan folk hero of the same name, makes reference to American Indians in ghastly ways. Simultaneously, its absurd humor and lack of fidelity to sensible human behavior and physics make it a delight to watch. The segment also boasts the presence of Roy Rogers and the Pioneers (and Rogers’ horse, Trigger). Child actors Luana Patten and Bobby Driscoll, both of whom had just starred in Song of the South (1946), make brief appearances in the segment’s hybrid animation/live-action introduction. Rogers, then contracted to Republic Pictures, was one of the quintessential stars of the singing cowboy subgenre – singing cowboy movies were almost exclusively made by the “Poverty Row” studios including Republic, and they were extremely profitable against their barebones budgets). “Pecos Bill” all begins with the atmospheric, moody “Blue Shadows on the Trail”. “Blue Shadows on the Trail” describes and, through its spare instrumentation, reflects the emptiness and desolation of the American West. It is a beautiful ballad, and could easily be placed in any Western (singing cowboy movies or otherwise).

Once the hybrid animation/live-action introduction concludes, “Pecos Bill” steams forward with comic hyperbole followed by another comic hyperbole. The title song (music by Eliot Daniel, lyrics by Johnny Lange) doubles down on the exaggerations. Those exaggerations include the segment’s constant gunplay – escaping censorship from the Hays Code: a risqué gag that includes Pecos Bill’s guns going off because of love interest Slue Foot Sue. At least Melody Time ends brashly and riotously, but any impressionable children watching will require a discussion from a trusted adult. Its depictions of American Indians and men-women relations are deplorable, but after just over an hour of inconsistent quality, I found myself enjoying “Pecos Bill” more than I imagined.

Shortly after the release of Melody Time, Walt Disney embarked on a three-week cruise to Hawai’i. Walt rarely went vacationing, and he spent these weeks fully concentrating on his family and escaping from the minutiae of managing his studio. Even after returning from Hawai’i, Walt did not spend much time in Burbank. Walt invited animator and fellow train enthusiast Ward Kimball on a trip to the Midwest. Together, they attended the 1948 Chicago Railroad Fair, visited the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, Michigan, and stopped at other locations close to Walt’s childhood in the Midwest. Through the end of 1948, Walt spent more time constructing the train set in his backyard than paying attention to the animation and live-action movies his studio was producing. What seemed like idleness to many (including New York Times film critic Bosley Crowther, who believed that Disney was a cinematic genius wasting his time on quixotic projects) was a major inspiration for a draft sketch entitled “Mickey Mouse Park”, dated August 31, 1948.

The package era at Walt Disney Productions (now Walt Disney Animation Studios) was nearing its end. Every film during this run – Saludos Amigos (1942), The Three Caballeros (1944), Make Mine Music (1946), Fun and Fancy Free (1947), Melody Time, and The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949) – faced the same narrative of Walt Disney’s personal indifference to the projects, a lack of direction and motivation among the animators, and audience and critic dissatisfaction when compared to Disney’s Golden Age movies. A return to non-package animated features would be imminent, in spite of Melody Time’s mediocre performance at the box office. The Disney studios would attempt to begin a period of renewal with a tradition that inaugurated their animated canon – with a fairy tale.

My rating: 6/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. Half-points are always rounded down. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found in the “Ratings system” page on my blog (as of July 1, 2020, tumblr is not permitting certain posts with links to appear on tag pages, so I cannot provide the URL).

For more of my reviews tagged “My Movie Odyssey”, check out the tag of the same name on my blog.

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

“He didn’t like to stand out. However, his legs made him look fast so he would get chosen for the class competition relay. But as he didn’t want to draw any attention, he would purposely take a longer time running in P.E. class. “

Notes before reading: This is from Kaoru’s first book “Dokugen” in which his articles from “Ongaku to hito” magazine were compiled, but also an exclusive interview about his life was included. I already posted the first pages of this interview for Kaoru’s birthday  (pages 62-66) and you can read it here. This second part starts with his high school days, getting into metal music, HIDE and first music steps and bands. If you own the book, these pages are 66-75, if you don’t, you should consider getting it *wink wink* -You were a free and uncontrolled boy, right? K: That’s it. Somehow, I felt like I just liked to be where everyone else was. Rather than being an active part of the group, I would just follow it.  It was kind of like floating around. The so-called ego woke up in my body once I entered high school. I started to be my own self. -So, what about high school days? K: I was going to a high school near my house but,  until I went to get the application for the examination, I was like “is a place like this a high school?”, it  was a school that looked like a vocational school. Later, when I went to take the exam, even though it was a high school entrance examination, there was calculation, I remember doing the exam while thinking “if I fail this, I’m really a useless guy”. I was really nervous when I went to see the results days later. But even if I thought “It’s good that my name is there!”*  and I went to the school thinking “I’m a useless guy for sure!” when I was asked by a homeroom teacher “how was it, how was it” and I said “I passed”, they would say “Congratulations!” (laughs) As I feel embarrassed, I felt like “please stop!!”. *Often in Japan, if you name appears on a list of exam results, it means you passed, if your name is not there, it means you have failed. -What kind of school was it? K: It was really a hopeless high school. Bad punk guys, people with bad conditions or that couldn’t take middle school classes properly…. there were only that kind of people. When I was in middle school, I played sports, when I entered high school, there were many people who just gave up about their future.  The topics when they gathered were about girls, television, Idol clothes or hairstyles…that were the main topics of conversation. After that, as expected, as there were a lot of punks, there were guys that would bring to school knuckle dusters (a weapon attached to your fist). The first time it felt like saying “there are embarrassing guys” but gradually everyone started to feel similar(laughs) -Did you feel like you were deteriorating for being in such a place? K: Well, I was thinking about what I would do after that.  There were plenty of negative things too. I could no longer meet my acquaintances from middle school…. But gradually I started to open my eyes to bands, then I started to think that that was the only thing I had left. -Unexpectedly, the reason of that was because you found about “X” (X Japan), right? K: Yes. X debuted when I was in my first year of high school, so I listened to “Blue Blood”. Originally, when I was in my 3rd year of middle school, a transferred student came, he was a lot into metal and listened to various bands. Until then, if someone said metal, I only knew Seikima-II (laughs). Because of this person’s influence, I started listening to X’s “Vanishing vision”, DEAD END and Kinniku Shōjo Tai. However, I didn’t think about buying CDs myself, I was satisfied with the tapes that person dubbed for me. But with “Blue Blood”, I went expressly to the store to make a reservation and buy it. -Is that so? K: When I was back from school, I went to buy it. At an electronic chain stored called “Seidensha” I bought it and I got a poster too. Also, there was a rock flower ( a toy that moves as response to sounds) with the faces of the members of X at the store and I wanted it, but as one would expect, I didn’t get it (laughs) -Making a reservation and buying… that means that your expectations were high. K: That’s true. I never have booked anything besides Nintendo games. (laughs) -What do you think that motivated you to that point? K: Probably it’s connected with what we have talked about until now but, since long time ago, I have this tendency, I like to hang out with people and I also feel like I want to know what that people like. If someone says “this is interesting”, I honestly think “I’m going to try it too!” It’s like I’m trying to understand what people says it’s interesting. Maybe it’s because I like the other person, or I think “I want to get along with this guy”. I want to understand more about the other person. So, as I was good friends with this transferred student, I wanted to understand the things that he said that were “good”. -As if it was a recommendation…. K: The band that this guy said that was cool was about to debut soon. Then I should buy that too. Maybe that’s what I thought. -If you think about that, his existence is quite important, right? K: That’s true. If this guy didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be what I am now. Anyway, Hide looked like nothing but a ghost/spectre. “This person is hella cool….” I thought. He doesn’t look human. From that moment, I only could see Hide. -So, “Blue Blood” caused a huge impact on you.  Can you remember that moment? K: Of course. I came back home, with my uniform still on, I listened to it on the radio cassette. I had goose bumps all the time. Then, I was like “what a……”. Anyway, I listened to it all day at home and the next day I went to school and I “propagate*” it to everyone. I let the guys from my class listen to it. *Kaoru says “布教” which means propagation (e.g. a religion); proselytizing; missionary work. -You acted fast, right? (laughs) K: From that moment, I started buying magazines, I would cut the articles of X and put them in plastic sheet. Then, a guy said to me “Eh? I don’t listen to this band” but he liked ZIGGY, so I said, “X is a bit different”. There was a guy who covered BOOWY songs… I was “attacking” people, one after another. -This is the most active story I have heard until now (laughs) K: For sure! I would bring the videos I bought to that guy’s house and I would show him the magazines too.  The next day, I would tell another guy “Today we are going to hang out at your house” …. that kind of things. -So, your music friends increased…. K: That’s it. Then, from that moment I started playing guitar. -Why guitar? K: As one would expect, it was for HIDE.  I wasn’t really interested in guitar as an instrument until I saw a X Live. I thought that Hotei’s guitar strumming was cool though. I became obsessed with HIDE right after “BLUE BLOOD” was released, at the concert held in the medium hall of Kōsei Nenkin Kaikan in Osaka. It was my first-time watching X, my seat was at the back of the first floor, but as it was the medium hall, the stage was very close. Then, my eyes met TOSHI many times, it was like “he is pointing at me!” (laughs). Anyway, HIDE looked like nothing but a ghost/spectre. “This person is so hella cool……”. He didn’t look human. From that moment, I only could see HIDE. -So, you thought “I want to be like HIDE”?

K: The day after the concert, I looked up in a magazine where I could buy HIDE’s guitar model. Then, I went to an instrument shop at Amerika Mura, I think the shop is not there anymore, but I went there and if you didn’t do a reservation you couldn’t get it. So, I made a reservation on the spot and I paid it with the money I have saved from my part-time job and New Year’s gift. But it didn’t arrive for about 6 months.

-So, you started practising with a guitar borrowed from a friend’s sister.

K: Yes, yes.  I started with the strings. Of course, I couldn’t play any song of X, it always was like I was only strumming. Since then, I gradually started to be surrounded by guys who liked the same bands, so we would gather at someone’s house and without an amplifier, we would practise together.

-Did it feel like “I have finally found something that makes me go crazy about it!”?

K: I was totally addicted/absorbed by music at that point. I would go every day to the bookshop and the record store to check if there was something new. At that time, from corner to corner, I would read every page of WeROCK magazine. I would read the pages for the recruitment of members too. (laughs) Then, I would go to indies shops and shops that were selling metal style clothes. I was attracted by things made of rubber or panted leather, that kind of fashion.

-What about your hairstyle?

K: Of course, I started to grow my hair long. At high school, long hair was not allowed but I told a teacher “I’m moving forward on my music’s path, growing my hair long is job hunting.”

-Those are defying words….

K: I said, “Because I already decided my path”.

-You were really thinking that?

K: Make a living of it……but yes. “I will play in a band!”, “I absolutely will be up on a stage”, I think I already decided that. “I will play in a band after graduating from high school, so if I cut my hair, I won’t be able to do it!”, I said.  It wasn’t a homeroom teacher but a teacher who played guitar and I was told “if that’s so, then do your best”. But sometimes when I tied my hair up, I was told “if it is bothering you, cut it”, “I will overlook this but if it is bothering you, you should cut it, if you grow it that long, more than a man you will look like a Basset hound” (laughs) After that, during class I would hold a pencil and practise how to press down the chords, I was told “Take this class properly!” but I didn’t take it seriously.

-At that time, what about other music or bands besides X?

K: Unless the songs were fast, I wasn’t interested. One way or another, I’m a guy of sharp riffs and fast beats. Even though I really didn’t understand the riffs at that moment, it was like “fast riffs are life!”, that’s why at that moment I was barely clicking with Western metal. Rather than that, I liked punk because there were many songs that were fast. A person from the rental shop in my neighbourhood recommended IRON MAIDEN (British metal band) but I was like “I don’t understand anything at all!”. But I liked HELLOWEEN (German metal band)

The first song played at a studio was “NO NEW YORK” from BOOWY but we couldn’t cover it properly at all but I felt like “ We are getting closer a bit closer”, it’s like going up a stairway (laughs) -So, you liked fast songs, right? K:DEAD END didn’t have fast songs, but I liked them though. The melodies, the atmosphere of the songs, MORRIE’s looks, all that. As you know, I would get the information from magazines, so I liked people who looked cool and flashy. I also liked COLOR and D’erlanger among others. -That’s national metal. Before that, there were bands like LOUDNESS and 44MAGNUM. K: I didn’t go there. This is also a cool story but, the bands of that time, weren’t the ones with sauvage perm? -LA metal style?* *LA metal is  a Japanese term that refers to rock bands that were active during the 80s. K: Rather than those, the ones that put their hair totally up. The ones were the hair looked stiff until the very end. Also,I thought that if the hair wasn’t blonde or red, it wasn’t cool. That’s why COLOR and X were shocking. The hair was totally up and the songs were fast. The first thing I liked about those bands were the way the hair was standing up. -When did you try to put your hair like that for the first time? K: Probably months after I listened to “Blue blood”. I put it up by myself, at home (laughs) I was like “how do you do this?”. But, in a magazine said “use hair spray” so I went to buy it. I would my hair like that when I went to school too. It was like “this is what a man does” (laughs) -Later, you would finally be in a band. K: It was at my second year of high school. Our first live was at a school festival. Before that, everyone got into the studio to match the sounds. It was mostly imitation. -Do you remember entering at a studio for the first time? K: It was really messy. I think we were at the studio for maybe two hours. For the first hour, it was just a mess, playing around with the instruments. Then, I think we say “Let’s give it  try” and played “NO MORE NEW YORK” by BOOWY.  Of course,we couldn’t cover it properly at all but I felt like “ We are getting closer a bit closer” (laughs) -That’s something naïve/innocent, right? K: “We are like going up a stair way right? is it cool?” that’s how it felt. -Then the first concert came…. You wrote in an article that you were so immersed into playing that you don’t remember it. K: That’s true. I remember really well the preparations before the concert, though. -What was that band’s name? K: It was called “DIE:STERIA”. I attached the world DIE somehow with TERIA. -It’s a coined word. Did you make it up by yourself? K: That’s it. A lot of the bands that I looked at the magazines had D and then something else attached, so I thought it was cool. As I’m talking about this, I suddenly feel embarrassed (laughs)

-(Laughs) That’s being young, right? Did you make any original song with that band?

K: Just one. It was fast, like melodic speed metal. But I was just scratching the guitar.

-Is there a recording?...

K: I don’t think I recorded it. In the studio I would like “do this, then like this” “sing like that”…I explained everything.

-What about the lyrics?

K: The lyrics……I wrote them (laughs). The lyrics were pretty terrible. They were kind of violent (laughs) Then, there was a melody that could be played by an acoustic guitar with fast riffs.

-From that point, furthermore you could be part of an original band, CHARM.

K: I came up with that name too. I think I made it up thinking it means “to charm, to fascinate”.

- Even after graduating from high school, you continued in that band.

K: But as expected, my parents didn’t approve, so for the time being I got into a vocational school. After the first semester, I decided to leave the school, I went only to convince/persuade my parents.

-Even after graduating high school, the band activities were local.

K: That’s right but I would rather say that we didn’t do much. Some members were working so more than doing nothing, it was like we weren’t moving much. Some members were working so we had periods that we did nothing. I still felt like I have to do it properly, so I used to play at live houses. Even so, we would play once or twice a year. That kind of level. Then, we would hang out at someone’s house and made songs with MTR.

-By the way, did HIDE’s existence mean the same for you as before?

K: Well, even more, I was addicted/crazy about him. X was appearing more and more on tv and they were national wide. The more opportunities you have to see them, the more you are going to like them. “Ah, Hide is wearing new clothes” or “Recently his hairstyle changed a little”, things like that. I would record all their tv appearances and I would see all the magazines. At that time, candid/natural photos were sold a lot a the bookstores. I bought many of HIDE. I bought a big hat that looked like the one that HIDE was wearing.

-You were completely a HIDE geek/nerd.

K: That’s right. When they came to Kansai, I would definitely go to see them. I also went for Tokyo Dome performances, “White Night” and “Blue Night”. I took a night bus with my friends, we arrived at Tokyo very early and would kill time around until the time of the concert. After it, I slept at all-night movie theatre in Shinjuku and then took an early-morning bus to come back home.

-Admiring his presence in that way, did you ever think “I want to become like that someday?”

K: I didn’t. Because I was playing only locally. Because there weren’t things like sending a demo tape or doing an audition. That’s why after that, if I hadn’t had the encounters that I did, I would probably have kept being local.

-What would you say to the Kaoru of that time?

K: To myself at that time? I see…. “Practice more!!!, I guess (laughs)

 (Next part)

[365days365movies]

February 21, 2021: The African Queen (1951) (Part 1)

The leading man!

It’s an old term from old Hollywood, and while leading men certainly exist today, it’s not something we really use anymore. And yet, we all have some concept of the leading man. First modern one that came to mind for me was Chris Evans. For the GF, it was this guy:

And that’s valid! But if we’re gonna talk about Hollywood’s leading men, we have to go BACK. FAR back, to the beginning of film, and to some of the most iconic film stars that helped define the term. These are guys like Errol Flynn, Jimmy Stewart, John Wayne, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Marlon Brando, James Dean, Rock Hudson, yesterday’s Cary Grant, and of course, Clark Gable.

And some of those guys will appear on this blog at some point this year, most likely. One of them is gonna pop up this month, even! But there’s one more leading man to talk about, and that’s Humphrey Bogart, one of the most prominent of the leading men of the 1940s and ‘50′s.

I mean, come on! Casablanca! He’s a classic leading man, and I’m excited to see more of him. But every leading man needs his leading lady, and there are plenty of classic ones to choose from. Lauren Bacall, Jean Arthur, Judy Garland, Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Natalie Wood, Mae West, Joan Crawford, Bette Davis, Olivia de Havilland, Greta Garbo, Lena Horne, Sophia Loren, yesterday’s Deborah Kerr, my mom’s favorites Doris Day and Audrey Hepburn, and OF COURSE, today’s star: Katharine Hepburn.

The Philadelphia Story, Bringing Up Baby, Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner! Another classic leading lady in another set of classic films. And, OF COURSE, these two starred together in today’s movie, The African Queen. And who’s the director of this film? MOTHAFUCKIN’ JOHN HUSTON BOIIIIIIIIIIII

Director of The Maltese Falcon, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The Asphalt Jungle, Moby Dick, The Misfits, the original Casino Royale, and weirdly enough, Annie. AND he was an actor in The Bible, Chinatown, The Hobbit, The Black Cauldron, and weirdly enough, Annie! Goddamn, this movie’s got a lot of talent behind it! I’m genuinely looking forward to watching this, considering that it’s often considered one of the best films of the 1950s. So let’s do it, yeah? SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We begin in German West Africa, where...yeah, it’s a little uncomfortable from modern day standards, as a group of indigenous people are in a service at a constructed Methodist Church, where two missionaries, Rose Sayer (Katharine Hepburn) and her brother, Reverend Samuel (Katharine Hepburn), are pretty unsuccessfully leading the singing of hymns.

As they do so, a boat called the African Queen pulls up, captained by Charlie Allnut (Humphrey Bogart). When he pulls up, he delivers needed supplies and mail to the village, which disrupts the ceremony (thank God), and leads to an interaction between Allnut and the Sayers, who invite him to tea.

The Canadian Allnut seems to be pretty relaxed, while the British Rose and Samuel are obviously pretty stuck-up. But this is probably not going to matter soon, as Allnut delivers the news that World War I has begin, leaving the status of the British missionaries in German-occupied West Africa in danger.

And as soon as they realize this, a group of German soldiers comes through the village, and soldiers gather up all of the people from their houses, and...Jesus, they set fire to the place! Why? I mean, it’s war, duh, but WHY? The villagers are taken away for what I’m sure are totally good reasons, as the village of Kungdu burns to the ground. Samuel and Rose are left behind, and Samuel’s clearly a little fucked up by the encounter with the soldiers.

Soon after, Samuel seems ill, forgetting that they’re even in Africa. She helps him to his room, and he falls to the ground, obviously not well. It’s central Africa, so this could be malaria, trypanosomaisis, yellow fever, a BUNCH of shit. But I’m sure he’s gonna be fine. He’ll be fiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

Oh, wait, he’s dead. We find that out when Charlie arrives to deliver more bad news: people are being taken from their homes to forcibly join the army, and the villages are destroyed in order to give them no place to go back to. Which is...disgusting, fuck me. 

They bury Samuel, and Charlie takes Rose onto The African Queen so that they can get away from the village before the soldiers return. This is backed by...very light-hearted music. Very poorly-timed sprightly music. I dunno, it really just doesn’t match the done, given that Sam just died, and they’re trying to escape.

We learn what some of the issues are for our two. The British won’t easily be coming because of the various German fortifications, including a large ship called the Königin Luise on a nearby lake. Said boat has a massive gun on it, posing major damage to any enemies. 

But Rose has an idea: using explosive gel and some pipes and cylinders, she has an idea to use The African Queen itself as a torpedo to plow up the Luise. Charlie points out that the only where there is down the dangerous Ulanga River, and past a German fort. And Rose guilts him for not wanting to help his Queen and country. And, with that, he agrees.

From there, it’s time for a boat trip! Like a road trip, but with a boat! Katherine learns to steer, and Charlie notes that he hasn’t fixed the safety mechanism on the engine because he likes kicking it. Y’know, psychologists say that catharsis doesn’t work like that, Charlie.

It would seem that Charlie knows this, and settles instead for a drink. And as he brings out his bottle of gin, Rose looks ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED. Like he brought out a dead body instead of a bottle of alcohol; it’s even backed by this bombastic DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN in the score! It’s weirdly hilarious.

The two take separate baths in the river, which has gotta be FULL of a bunch of stuff, but whatever. They tuck in for the night as it rains, and Charlie’s stuck outside while Rose gets the tent. Which is...supremely unfair, and ASKING for Charlie to get malaria or other diseases. Thankfully, Rose realizes this and allows him inside.

The next day, they come upon the rapids, which look dangerous...but also kind of fun, it that weird to say? I dunno, I’d go rafting down those. On a related note, I’ve never been whitewater rafting. Maybe one day, huh? Well, despite the ride and again, WEIRDLY sprightly music, they survive...and more. See, Rose LOVED it. Like, really LOVED it. She compares it to a bonafide religious experience, and says that she’s never experienced such joy from a...physical experience.

So, either she’s an adrenaline junkie, or that was some, uh...foreshadowing. Charlie’s a little less excited by this, and notes that the upcoming rapids are far worse. And Rose is just...SO FUCKING PUMPED for this. Shit, I think something’s awoken in her. Get this lady to a theme park, STAT!

But again, Charlie is NOT happy about this, and gets kinda drunk later in the day. While drunk, he insults her plan, and goes back on his agreement to go on. She calls him a coward, and she calls him a “crazy, psalm-singin’, skinny old maid.” Um, Charlie, maybe not the best idea to do that to a woman who’s just learned to joys of adrenaline and tsting her limits. She might retaliate by, I dunno...throwing all of your gin over the side of the river while you’re asleep.

Yeah, like that. Exactly like that. Some drunk fish in the river today, lemme tell you.

Anyway, despite this, Rose is pissed off, as Charlie still won’t go down the river. As he insists that all that’s down the river is death, she still insists that he promised to go. He finally agrees, despite thinking that they’re doomed to be food for the crocodiles. And so, they go.

They pass the fort, the Shona, and the Germans do indeed fire at them as they go down. And I mean the ENTIRE time they pass. They hit the engine, and Charlie has to fix it right amidst all of this. They also hit the boxes of blasting gel, but they don’t go off. And, as Rose rightly suggested earlier, the sun gets in the soldiers’ eyes as they try to fire on them. And they pass without a hitch! Except for oooooooooone tiny detail.

HALFWAY POINT! See you in Part 2!

[lesbi-enby-exmo]

Today my grandma sent a video to the family of her and my grandfather doing "church at home". The video opens to their music room, an American Flag, and my grandfather at the piano with an American Flag tie.

At the beginning, he says that he hopes his piano playing will remind us of "the divine origins of this great nation".

If youre an exmo, a maybemo, or still mo, PLEASE reconsider this kind of thinking and learn about the church's part in the violent overthrow of indigenous peoples in America. This nation's origins are far, far further back than 1776, and have nothing to do with white people bringing humanity to natives.

As someone who was raised in the church, I am still unlearning much of the jingoist, nationalistic, anti-indigenous ideas the church uses to keep its control and power. As a white person raised in the US, I have already been raised to ignore the struggles of Native Americans, but especially as a White Mormon, those ideas were twisted and magnified until I didn't even realize they were racist and absurd. Accepting God doesnt turn native people white, missionary programs are colonialism at work, and the whole story of the lamanites is Joseph Smith's manifest destiny wet dream.

If you're exmo, especially if youre white and exmo, it is so. so. so. important to do your own work and reading to learn about decolonization, native peoples, and the church's part in oppressing all nonwhite people.

Here are some good places to start:

An Indigenous People's History of the United States

The 25 Principles of Environmental Justice

Research decolonization, the Mormon Massacre, how much Native Land does the church own in the US? in other places?

If anyone has better resources, please add them.

[2telluthetruth]

before i watch some shit i gotta know how the story ends. if not, ima critically analyze the whole movie until i figures it... it usually takes me 30 minutes to figure out the whole plot but that’s besides the point. knowing the ending of a movie allows me to pay attention to alll the little things leading up to the end. the directors choice in lighting, the way that certain actor did a certain movement to portray a certain feeling, setting, like camera work, basically everything i just the last 4 years of my life studying get applied to my enjoyment of a film. 

I wish life was like that... you get to like google how it all ends for you. like what will happen in your life all the way to the end. you can always have what you envisioned for yourself, your plan, your schedule of things but then life has a funny way of letting you know that shit happens. and you learn whatever it is you need to from that incident, apply the lesson, and keep going. it’s actually pretty simple. like looking both ways before you cross the street and still almost getting hit by a car because a person felt the need to speed thru an intersection because maybe he had a family emergency or he had too much to drink. regardless life will thro curveballs, ain’t that fucked up? like bitch. lemme read my book of life so i can move accordingly. but i guess that’s not fun anyways because God would just tell us what to do and there would be no free will. and we all know how people hate being told what to do with there life from a higher up lmao

....but idk none of this shit really applies to me. I guess I’ll just share my testimony here since I'm only people who really give a fuck about me would give a fuck about this post. ( Which i recently found out is ME, i’m the only person who opinions/decisons matter when it comes to me life)

SO HERE IT GOES

Since a child, I always knew i was going to be a very wealthy person. I’m smarter than my peers, i’m stronger than my peers, and way more wiser than most of people i meet. It’s very rare I met a person who’s intellect is as diverse as mine in terms of emotional knowledge and regular book smart shit. Like i’m sort of a hood intellectual, but like different because my Dad is a foreigner who comes from i guess what you would call a decent background, My grandfather was an engineer in Germany lmao. Like wtf. That’s very hard to do. Them mfs got some history of disrcrimnation if you know what I mean. And another ancestor of mine on my father side was adopted by the priest of a missionary because he was so smart, hence why my last name has french origins. and you know what i found out this year during my research dives on the different religions in the world..

There is a Saint in the catholic religion named St. Malo and his birthday is the same birthday as mine. He’s french as well. LMAO SO like i said I AM BUILT DIFFERENT. But that’s not what i really wanted to go talk about so let’s talk about how I’ve always knew I am dying a extremely rich woman. First of my name type shit.

So yeah. 

I LOVE PERFORMING AND PUTTING ON A SHOW OKAY! SINCE BIRTH!

I’m not even dramatic. I remember dancing in front of my family all the time.   Ask my auntie teena and she’d tell ya I would dance in front of anybody at any place in a drop of a dime. There’s literal footage of me dancing at every function at BayBay (Vivian) house. Lmao I still dance with all my family members at the bbqs I attend. Dancing really is my shit.

 Singing is too.

 I remember going to church with my daddy, some spot in LA/ the Jamaican jawn with uncle Jerry, and singing “Because of who you are” in front of everybody. No fucks given, And i kid you not I felt the holy ghost. That’s the best feeling in the world. Happened to me a couple times but I’ll tell ya bout it later some day when it matters. i remember one time coming home and singing and HITTING THAT HIGH PITCH ASS MARIAH CAREY NOTE! ( we got the same birthday too)

and i always loved music. the only time i didn’t cry was in my daddy cars listening to the reggae and bass booming thru the fucking trunk. 

During school I remember performing all the time. School plays, I got the lead role. School assembly, I’m putting on a show. Shit even for my 5th graduation I choreographed the whole MJ we are the world dance routine. Lol for hispanic heritage month I always was the girl who had the authentic skirt for the folklore dance. it was black and red. Very pretty. Mrs. Sanchez was enamored with me girl. She was like your the star you gone be centerstage in the middle only black girl while everyone else wonder why your on stage lmao. We were so good we entered a competition and got a trophy. 

Basketball was fun. I do not like team sports so that ain’t work out. Plus i think i suck. Well I couldn’t have been that bad because in middle school I made the All City team. I didn’t play because my hair wasn’t done I kept the jersey though LMAO. They was hot. HS was whatever. Lowkey only did it because of the niggas and cheer was boring/got too intense for me. I had commitment issues back then like crazy lmao.

Track was fun too. Made championships when I ran. Heart really wasn’t into to it if I’m keeping it G-Real. Didn’t fuck with the track meets plus the girls on the team hated me. I was always with the guys but the weren’t like the guys i hung out with all the time. them niggas was squares, homeschooled and all that. i hung out with delinquents lmao. Shit they always more fun. I know why Jesus hung out with the sinners mmkay. They loyal and know how to have a good time.

In middle school, I won a poetry contest about this poem I had about being a tree and not falling despite what happens. I also got like  award for being the top 3% of scoring in the whole district a couple times. Moms got me a iPod touch lmao.

High school ASB President, got accepted into more than 20+ colleges, in AVID. Cheer team. Basketball team. My drama Teacher, Mrs. Borek called me the baby Viola Davis. I directed and produced my own play lol. Boy, when I graduated I was on stage with admin and faculty. 

But anyways overall, 

I’ve always been the cream of the crop in any arena I apply myself. And I’ve never ever experienced a situation where I’ve been down bad that I didn’t plot and maneuver my way out of it (besides the shit that happened this year 2020 but i’ll give my 2020 review later ). I’m continuously blessed. Even when  I shouldn’t be. 

In elementary, I could’ve caught a case because I punched this boy in the head and he hit the tetherball pole then the floor. Buddy was knotted up lmao

In elementary school during after school day care I banged this girl head on the table and a pole lmao. 

In the carmelitos i gave this girl the business at auntie meanies house. Abri said beat her ass so I did. Trust me daddy, I’m always on go lmao. Her family was from some type of hood. They ain’t retaliate. 

Middle school I was beating boys up after school never got in trouble. LMAO None of the girls wanted to fight with they scary ass. 

High school I did the dumbest shit freshman year but didn’t get suspended. \bro i’m tired. i’ll tell the rest later.  but closing statement life’s a gamble for people who don’ t know the code. once you figure out your role play to the best of your ability and pray to God to constantly look out for you. *  4:48